#I actually don’t expect this post to get any traction lol

[kingocats]

Ok I’m finally going to fucking say it because someone has to: fiction does in fact have relation to someone’s behavior irl. Obviously there are caveats here and I’m going to expand on them below but I’m tired of someone spouting their absolutely terrifying rhetoric IRT fiction and then saying it doesn’t matter what they say because it’s not real. Ok nuance:

1. As a reader: if I’m reading silence of the lambs and saying I love Hannibal lecter and cannibalism rules that doesn’t make me a bad person who actually supports cannibalism. Let’s just get that out of the way. However as a reader, there are times when it’s important to have the ability to examine what you’re reading critically. Like with buffalo bill, I’m not going to read this and say trans people are evil because I have the ability to critique what I’m reading. But there are times when someone might not be a bad person but eventually if say they’re reading or watching a lot of things that have pro cop sentiments for example, well that’s going to eventually have an effect on you if you are unable to question the media you consume. ( I can hear people saying well this does t affect me because I only consume good clean media, guess what? You don’t)

2. As a writer: I wrote a novels about a serial killer. Does that mean I love serial killers irl and support them? No. But the themes and values I discuss in my work are very much mine. Isolation and loneliness and how trauma can change you for the worst if no one helps you. Those are things I believe. And that’s where thinking critically comes in. A manga I had previously enjoyed just ended. It’s a superhero story. Do I think the author believes we should change our government so that it cycles entirely around superhero’s? No. But the way the manga ended spouted some ideas that I find dangerous and irresponsible. In the end the author had the superhero’s kill a bunch of characters who had previously been essentially described as marginalized, disenfranchised homeless people. The characters were ‘villains’ but mostly they were mentally ill victims. The messaging here spoke to me as a call to eliminate any homeless, mentally ill persons who didn’t follow the law exactly. You could argue we don’t really know this authors values but I think he said them to us loud and clear. When someone tells you who they are, listen! Examine your favorite books, question your favorite authors

3. In fandom: bla bla bla we all have to be nice and respectful each others opinion, it’s just fiction bla bla bla. Ok! Fair! But! If someone’s opinion about a work of literature or a film or tv series is that all the women in it are bad bad evil Mary sues and they hate all of these women and the men who do the exact same thing but worse are all hero’s then I don’t think it’s bullying for me to call them fucking sexist! And I resent people for telling me to back off when no one says the same thing to them and when it’s clear that this person too prefers these men just in a quieter way. When someone tells you who they are, believe them! And call it out! It suck’s to be on the less popular side but my god, we have got to call it out

Ok, my floodgates are open, fucking come at me

[loveguts]

in light of that stupid fucking video game here’s my favorite anti-hp/jkr video essays :•)

the consumerist dystopia of harry potter by verilybitchie

harry potter by shaun (warning for discussions of anti-semitism and racism, in particular slavery, eugenics, as well as ww2 and the holocaust)

jk rowling’s new friends by shaun

a brief look at harry potter by lily simpson (haven’t actually watched the entirety of this one because it’s 10 hours long but i highly recommend it anyways) side note: again haven’t watched the whole thing so i can’t confirm but apparently the creator defends consuming harry potter content towards the end, as someone pointed out in the tags. i’d proceed with caution

(edit: removed this last video because i hadn’t watched it in its entirety but there’s seemingly a brief “joke” about h.p. lovecraft’s racism from someone who is presumably white. it made me uncomfortable so i wanted to acknowledge my issue with this video and remove it from the recommendations. i’m not even completely sure why lovecraft was brought up to begin with. idk if i’m being too critical but i don’t want to platform a white person saying that as someone who’s non-black and very white passing. i don’t think it’s my discussion to have so i wanted to be careful about promoting the video.)

i wasn’t expecting this post to get traction at all and i just made it in a moment of anger about people still caring more about fictional wizards than real people jkr harms. i should’ve done more research than i did in regards to some of the videos i posted and i apologize for not watching them all the way through before recommending them. i’m going to turn off reblogs because i don’t particularly want to open myself (or any of the video creators) up to harassment from transphobes and jkr defenders. not that i’m mad at anyone for reblogging or anything lol, i’ve just been thinking about it over the last few hours and wanted to acknowledge my mistakes and also protect myself/the creators from potential harassment that may come from Tumblr Terfs

[destinyc1020]

I’m really sorry that Fran is going through this and I hope that they built a safe environment for her to rehearse and feel protected and loved because she should 🤍

What I’m not getting tho is and please correct me if I’m wrong but did any of her cast-mates post anything about this situation on social media ? I genuinely don’t get why only Tom is getting the hate (I know he’s the most famous out of them) but relationship wise they are all her colleagues and they all share a stage together. Heck some of them are black too so I know for a fact they can put themselves in her shoes and most definitely faced the same issue in their life. I’m quite sure they all said something to her privately and are showing her all the love. I think this was agreed upon that only the production company would release a public statement ?

And lastly I do agree that Tom posting anything now will just worsen the situation. Sorry I ranted on you 😭

Thanks Anon for your input and thoughts on this issue. I appreciate your views.

What I’m not getting tho is and please correct me if I’m wrong but did any of her cast-mates post anything about this situation on social media ?

I'm honestly not sure, because I've been away this weekend, and I've been trying to ignore the negativity online for the past couple of weeks since she was cast tbh. 😔

I'm sure the entire cast however is being supportive. I can't imagine that they aren't.

I genuinely don’t get why only Tom is getting the hate (I know he’s the most famous out of them) but relationship wise they are all her colleagues and they all share a stage together.

Do you remember this quote from the OG Spiderman movies lol? 😅

When someone has great "power" (or, in this case, large amounts of fame and/or privilege), most people tend to expect MORE from that individual. Maybe it's not "fair", but that's usually the case.

Tom is in a position of great fame and privilege, so some (the less privileged) might feel like he should have more of an obligation to stand up for his co-star and protect her since she's most likely even receiving this amount of scrutiny and attention because Tom is in the lead role in this play. Tom also has a HUGE social media following, so him saying something would make more traction than just a producer saying something. Just my guess? 🤷🏾‍♀️

And btw.... we as black people constantly stick up for each other all the time! But we're usually the victims of this type of racist hate.

Victims can only do but so much. It's actually better if those in "power" can speak out about this to their own people and shame them by showing them that this isn't right. To me, that would make more of an impact (imo), but again, you can't force people to speak out on things.

[jtl07]

jtl07 fics, fall 2023, pt 2

A little late with this one because of some quicksand but taking advantage of this bit of respite. Might do a year roundup, we shall see what I have the space for. But in the meantime, some thoughts on my fics since November. 

General stats

Total on this pseud: 5 

Fics posted (chronological order):

propose (now am found) - or: a different kind of proposal

mama (carry on, carry on) - or: the girls and their mothers

darling, call me yours - or: Five times Beatrice calls Ava 'darling' (and one time Ava says it to Beatrice)

another little peace (restful pieces): laid to rest - or: a drabble of Ava and Christmas, before and after

another little peace (restful pieces): simply look around and view it - or: Beatrice and celebration and Christmas

(Numbers and ramblings under the cut) 

More numbers

Total words: 13294

Shortest fic: 1032 - simply look around and view it 

Longest (one-shot): 4007 - mama (carry on, carry on)

Average/Median word count: 2659 / 3208

Most hits + kudos (of this batch)

darling, call me yours 

propose (now am found)

General thoughts

Surprisingly, clocked almost the same number of words as the last review (“surprisingly” because my memory is shot 🙃). I didn’t expect to write any further when things started to go south what with holidays and personal stuff, but I’ve found that those short pieces have been healing in their own way. 

I’m proud of all the fics I’ve written this year but/and there’s something special about those first three mentioned above (I’m also now realizing that the title structure of those three is very similar lol) - each of them challenged me deeply in different ways and I’ve been equally humbled by the response to each. 

Fic that surprised you: 

All of them, lol - there were multiple times while writing each of the first three where I nearly talked myself out of writing them: didn’t think I was doing the idea justice, that maybe I wasn’t making sense, that I was going too personal, that I wasn’t going personal enough, that none of it would connect, etc. So the surprise came from just finishing, really, and doubly so from folks’ responses. I was especially surprised that darling got such a strong response, actually.

Fic that you’re proud of: 

I mentioned above that I’m especially proud of the first three in this batch - each of them made me dig deep and also had different challenges. 

For propose, it definitely felt like I was driving in the dark with no headlights - and blindfolded lol. I really had to trust that something worthwhile was going to come out of it and just … sat down for a couple minutes each day to see where the words went (fun fact: I actually started this one before home is (where you are; now) - the latter came about because I was like, why’s Ava away? And that thread became its own story lol)  

mama and darling were both personal in different ways, exploring different aspects of familial and romantic relationships, respectively. It’s always a bit dicey to pull from one’s own experiences but idk, I grew up with fanfic and both reading and writing fic continues to be a way to process and hope and believe, yknow? 

Fic that was the hardest to write / fic that you wish got more love:

simply look around and view it was hard to write in that I could (can) still feel the grips of quicksand haunting the edges of my mind in a way. So part of the writing process was deliberately putting up a wall to it and trying to hold on to the awe and joy of experiencing the song that inspired it (now that I think of it, it’s probably why Beatrice has the vibe she does in that fic).

mama is currently the fourth lowest in terms of hits of all my fics which isn’t too surprising to me - fics that don’t feature avatrice at the forefront don’t seem to get as much traction in general. That said, I was quite proud of the different beats of each section and just hope that folks who need it, find it. 

Gonna call it here - if I have the space, I’ll do a retro for the year in the next day or so but if y’all have any thoughts, lmk. In any case, thanks for all the support and hope everyone keeps safe. Thank you for being here <3

[artisticbunny]

Alright Bun— bonus ask before I go to sleep because I think I’m getting Whispering Willow brainrot lol (on top of utdr and fnaf rot ough—) Because tbh I sincerely think it’s really well thought out, with the little tidbits I’ve read about. The first chapter of it was cool Yk? I’m gonna guess that you’re new to ao3 writing? :3c am I right?

But, skipping the rambles, Lemme get to what I wanted to say:

Can you pretty please feed give us me Kat lore? Like I love ghosties and everything, especially ones that hang around. Like how does she hang around? We know she got buried alive (must’ve been terrifying seriously my bros buried me in sand once but not my face…) but how does her spirit hang about?

Also, why’d her adventure friends bury her? Was it for a reason or just them being like plain old toxic? I don’t think they’d have to like, bury her tho if it’s the second option… :( maybe it was a sacrifice??

(Thanks for storytelling tho Bun! I’m totally locked in! It’s very interesting so far! <3333)

UWAAAA THAT IS SUCH A HUGE COMPLIMENT THANK YOU!!! Literally I have no idea what’s more flattering than having someone brainrot over something you made!!! I’m so SO glad you like it so far!!!

I AM new to writing on ao3!!! You are correct!!! I actually just made my account about a month or two ago! I actually attempted to post this on a website I made in the past, but 1: it didn’t get any traction and 2: I didn’t like my writing, this is actually the third iteration of this story! I am much more comfortable with my writing now than back then :3

Anywho, on to Kat ;3

Here’s the ref I made for her for visualization’s sake! :D

You may recall on the post where I gave a brief rundown on each of my ocs that Kat was framed for a crime she didn’t commit. Kat was originally a Part of an adventuring group called The Rogues of Justice, though since her death she can’t remember the name of her group or the people involved, or even their faces. The Rogues of Justice were a chaotic good group of jokesters. They were known for helping wherever they could and for their wacky and often nutty solutions that didn’t seem like they would work, but always worked out in the end. They were very close.

On Kat’s final mission, she was framed for a crime that severely broke her team’s moral code. She was made to look like she’d ransacked and destroyed a nearby town. Entire livelihoods and homes were destroyed and burnt. People were severely injured. She was found with valuables from the people of that town hidden on her being, and thus was the one to blame.

Of course, she didn’t actually do this. She would never. She was most likely the one who believed in the moral code the most.

She was set up and doomed to be buried alive by a member of her team. Someone who, once upon a time, she loved dearly. When things didn’t work out between them, in a fit of rage, her ex was the one to have sealed her fate.

He didn’t exactly expect for it to go this far, but he didn’t dare speak up, even as the dirt was being shoveled onto Kat’s face. He stood on the sidelines, watching her last moments.

She woke up days later, memories missing, with only the feeling of once being part of something, a burning feeling of injustice and betrayal, a fuzzy memory of a single face she couldn’t recognize, and a crippling fear of tight spaces that gives her a horrid sense of deja vu. She had no idea where she was or how to leave, stuck in the middle of nowhere with nobody nearby. She had been stuck in those woods, going in circles, unable to escape, losing track of time until the day she would find a way to leave.

So basically what’s keeping her here is unfinished business that she forgot ;)

It’s honestly really really sad, but she copes with humor and distractions most of the time so she doesn’t have to think about her memory gaps and the extreme distaste for that one person she can’t quite remember.

There are quite a few dark themes hidden in the story beyond the found family and fun fantasy settings, sorry haha!

I should also mention that the main reason she sticks around with Brook and the gang is cuz she’s BORED. Like she has been stuck in the woods and these are the first people she’s seen in GOD knows how long and they’re on a quest??? That’s some high quality entertainment there!!! She also gets pretty attached pretty quickly because again: human interaction!!!! And they helped her get out!!!! It’s honestly the least she can do while having hundreds of thousands of years ahead of her of existing.

Fun fact!!! Ghosts are basically the magic sparks of people who refuse to return back to the cycle just yet for whatever reason. They can last a REALLY long time but eventually they will get re-absorbed back into the cycle as everything continues on. :)

[elithilanor]

For the writing asks, I'd love to know:

✨ and 💝

✨What’s a fic you’ve posted you wish you could breathe life into again and have people talking about it? (or simply a fic you wish got more credit)

Fics I wish for more credit are any of my Rúmil stuff - poor elf gets like nooo traction AT ALL. And also anything I’ve specifically written gender neutral as an x reader with an elf gets no traction, as well.

Like with Rúmil I think (I hope) that its just that he’s a side of a side character so there’s not much material to work with but also no one is really looking for him at all. (Maybe I also wrote him badly, but I don’t think that badly lmfao)

And with the gender neutral, I think it’s partially that less people are into that (whereas I think it should be the standard unless a specific request is made). As a gender neutral person though, I just think it’s better because you a) reach a larger audience, but also b) genderqueer people can actually be seen and represented.

I’ve also noticed the trend that non-smut gets waaaaaay less traction than the porny stuff does.

💝what is a fic that got a different response than you were expecting?

I was completely blown away with the likes and reblogs of my Elvish Sensory Overwhlem Series?? Like!? So many people like it and I get a lot of comments and requests to make more of it. I thought I was genuinely just making it for me and that it would be super niche. But I guess I also forget how many neurodivergent and anxious people (besides me) who are in fandom lol

[bees-tes-blog]

should have known I wouldn’t be able to resist the allure of Data. this got quite a bit of traction really quickly and I became curious what people’s essential mods say about them, so I collected and organized everyone’s answers from jan 5—7 to see what patterns emerge as a fun little experiment. so here we go, tesblr’s Skyrim Modding Wrapped. I guess. don’t ask me how much time I spent on this lol

first, the distribution of mods per category on nexus mods (as a sort of control) compared to the categories of mods people said were their essential two. the categories are mostly based on the ones on nexus, though I merged some and shoved the smallest ones under “misc” to try and make it at least slightly cleaner. I eliminated the bug fixes category altogether, since I did say ussep was banned in the original post (not that this stopped everyone)

I really expected to see a significant correlation between the total number of mods in a category and the number of times a mod in that category would be mentioned as an essential, but it seems like that’s not the case, at least for the most popular categories.

the biggest categories on nexus are armour and weapons (14.8%), followers and companions (9.7%), and body, face, and hair (8.7%), followed by models and textures (7.0%). the most commonly mentioned categories in the responses, on the other hand, were followers and companions (17.5%), gameplay (11.6%), and immersion (8.0%), followed by a tie between UI and quests and adventures (6.6%).

the top three combinations of mods were:

gameplay + followers and companions*

quests and adventures + followers and companions**

followers and companions x2***

*the combination was typically an alternate start mod with a cvf (gore more than any other companion, though that could easily be a coincidence).

**the quest mod in question was almost ALWAYS legacy of the dragonborn.

***inigo and lucien were the most commonly mentioned duo.

take this with a grain of salt, as I’m working with a relatively small sample size and there are many possible combinations of categories. these by no means made up the majority, but did appear more often than any other combinations.

the most popular mods were:

5. beyond skyrim

4. a tie between 3DNPC and SkyUI (both of which completely dominated their respective categories)

3. legacy of the dragonborn

2. alternate start - live another life

and, surprise surprise,

1. inigo!

some runners up were JK’s skyrim, immersive weapons/armors (though I did group these as one so maybe it doesn’t count) lucien, gore, and hunterborn.

I feel it’s worth mentioning that the method of sharing posts on tumblr is a huge limitation to getting actual statistics. this only really represents tumblr users several followers removed from me who enjoy replying to dumb text posts. if you posted the same question on a different platform, you might get very different results. but this is just for fun, so who give a shit

now go leave nice comments on mods you enjoy

ok guys. you can only play skyrim with 2 mods, which two are you picking? and DON’T say ussep

[chaosmax]

On the whole “does Kaiba die / stay or get stuck in the afterlife?” thing

I never thought Kaiba doesn't get back from the ending of DSoD. Yeah, I know there was the ~untested~ tech that was mentioned but honestly it seemed more like a line thrown in for possible sequel bait or just for the sake of open-endedness/vauge storytelling style a la many Japanese story telling (re: my essay on that). 

And from a character point, no, I don't think there's any way in hell that Seto would gamble the chances of permanently orphaning Mokuba again. No matter how much tunnel vision he got for his goal (and no matter how grieved he was. And I hate it that people spin it to pit the headcanoned romantic love between him and Atem against his canonical love of Mokuba and it's the possible and unconfirmed romo love that “wins”. 

[I am NOT trying to bash on pride here, I actually quite enjoy that ship when work is put into it and all the nuance and complexity isn't sucked out of it for quick hurt/comfort or just turned into a glorified/romanticized toxic love horny fest]. But even if it was confirmed canon, stop pitting romo love against platonic love and have one come out as the "winner" mmkay? There's already enough damaging amatonormativity ingrained in society ok thanks.

Grief makes you do wild things, sure and everyone reacts to grief differently. But Seto has never been a gambler and I don't think after all the character development he's been though he would risk his relationship with Mokuba like that (this is taking consideration of how technically this is the manga continuity Kaiba who has done Death T and all that and messed up pretty bad with Mokuba before). I just don't think he'd run off to see/challenge/get closure from Atem and ditch his precious little brother behind with great odds that he would never see him again. Not after all the times he’s put his life on the line to protect Mokuba.

I've always thought he comes back. It just may have a cost and may not be a straight shot there and back. I think the ~untested~ tech means he doesn't know how long it will take or how much stress it puts on the user, a la the purple particles eating away at Kaiba in the post credit scene that seem to be threatening to send him back to his own dimension (again DIMENSION it's not a time machine). No, I don't think it's anything crazy like YEARS pass before he gets back. I think a couple of weeks at most. And no, I don't think Mokuba was crying and begging Seto to not have this goal in the first place. Mokuba is quite gung-ho the entire movie about getting and defending the puzzle. Hell, he headbutts Diva off the puzzle container when Mokuba had no way to know if he'd land safely or just die. He interrogates Diva to try and get the puzzle piece. He closes up the shop for Yugi and says a happy hi before the tournament. That seems far from someone who wants Seto to just let it go.

This is a bit more on the speculation side for canon hates digging into Mokuba’s feelings much sadly, but I think Mokuba has his own sense of unfinished business with Atem as well which plays a part in his motivation to help this goal. Atem is also someone he had bonded with on some level. He and Yugi were one of the first people to help him, ever, that wasn't Seto. They aided him in Duelist Kingdom. Then again in the Legendary Heroes arc when he had no one else to turn too. He seemed so...surprised in both cases. Clearly someone who's not used to being able to ask for help, much like Seto. 

But now this person is gone. One of the few people Mokuba felt he could go to if he had a problem or needed to ask for help. I can easily see Mokuba thinking, “how come he cared enough to help me all those times but not say goodbye?” (though again, we don’t know exactly what happened there, if the Kaiba brothers were unable to contact or of the main crew literally just didn’t call them up, so I’m in no way trying to assign blame here, but I could see how this is how Mokuba would see it and feel about it).

 I think Mokuba misses him too, or at the very least misses him as someone he can depend on and place his trust in. The following may be a bit of a stretch on evidence for I don't know who writes the lines for Duel Links, but if you challenge Yami Yugi as DSOD Mokuba and win, his expression is sad, saying, “You thought you could run from Seto without one last Duel?" I think Mokuba certainly sees the departure hurt Seto, but I also think it hurt him. I think he’s also trying to say, ‘You thought you could run from us without saying bye?’

So no, I don't think Kaiba runs off to Atem's afterlife forever for whatever reason ship or no ship and ditches everyone and everything (don’t forget KC and Kaibaland, his life’s dream pride and joy) behind in the living dimension. I don't think he fails to get back. While the prospect of something going wrong or the tech failing is an immensely interesting fic/AU/etc idea to play around with or such because of the added mysteriousness (or because it's edgy and dark or whatnot I feel like that’s how the theory Kaiba dies really gained it’s first traction lol) I don't think that's what happened. I think it may take some more time than expected, perhaps have some magical cost that the soft magic system didn't really specify (such as having a set number of uses or something until whatever remnant power in the cube runs out, be physically straining, etc.) 

But I will never believe Seto gambled the chance of possibly orphaning Mokuba. That's my interpretation.

____

[Note: I’m not here to argue, of course you can have a different headcanon or reading of the events to DSoD, these are just my thoughts, with the textual evidence to back up my thought process.]

[ay0nha]

The Race That Launched a Thousand Ships: Part 2/?

 (Working) Summary:  Niki Lauda, the rookie starting his career requests the help of a mechanic, Margot Lancaster who has a buried past that he’s seemed to uncovered. (This is crap I know)

Pairing: Niki Lauda x femme!OC (mechanic)

Word Count: ~5.3K

A/N: I’m going to loosely base the timeline off of the movie, but it’s more inspired if anything. I’m touching on Margot’s background (hope it’s not confusing) but it’ll be explained better/fully next chapter. Thank you to google translate for the Italian and google for things about cars. I think this whole thing was better in my head, but it’s setting up some good stuff! So stick around if you’d like :) And most importantly, thank you to all of those who read and enjoyed the last part!  

I’ve also made a playlist that I listen to while I write this, so if anyone is interested hit me up. (I used talking head lyrics in this one lol) and I’m still figuring out tumblr, so if you want to be tagged, let me know.

Inspired by @niki-fucking-lauda​‘s post (it’s cute, check it out!)

 Master-list 

Part 1  Part 3 Part 4 Part 5 Part 6

–

"I thought you had forgotten about me."

"I had some business to attend," Niki stated in a matter-of-fact manner.

"Races..." I corrected him, as I joined him at the break-room table, "Admit it, you missed me."

"These are the terms," Niki ignored my teasing, instead sliding the package of papers towards me. They were secure in a yellow envelope, but anyone could see that there was a thick stack of papers within.

"You really don't know how to take no for an answer," I laughed lightly. He kept his hands neatly folded in his lap, waiting for me to open the envelope and view the papers. I reached to feel the heft of it, then leaned forward to bring it towards me. However, before I actually opened it, I made sure to say, "Don't get excited, I'm only looking."

Niki had been in London for just shy of three months, but hadn't once stopped by.  I knew he was interested in moving onto bigger and better things so I didn't think I would hear from him after I had declined his offer, but that was just wishful thinking.

He was determined to pester me, no matter the form of communication. He had started to call me after a handful of his races. He wasn't looking for praise, but for me to point of his flaws. Then, not soon after, it was more than just the occasional call about a race, it turned into an almost daily occurrence. Inbetween races, he wanted to know more. He wanted to know how I would increase traction while driving on a wet track, what I knew about said tracks, or simply start with if I had any interesting cars in the shop lately. However, he was more interested in telling me how I could find more interesting cars if I had joined him.

Niki had called so frequently the others in the shop started to call it the Lauda Line. It didn't matter if I was neck-deep in work or the time of day, once that double alteration was yelled I knew I had to drop everything to answer it.  At first, I ignored it, not caring how much it rang. But I couldn't ignore the calls for too long, not for a lack of trying, but because the rest of the ship, my boss especially, didn't appreciate the constant interruption. Niki was a persistent man and he wanted it known. His tenacity led to where we were now, sitting across each other in the cramped storage closet that was more or less used as a sort of break room. Why he was still in London was beyond me, when I knew he had more pressing matters elsewhere in Europe.

"You're Formula 1 now?" I questioned, as I flipped through the first few pages where it said he was newly signed to the BRM Formula One team. I couldn't help but think about the retro-pay I deserved.

"I am."

"You move fast."

"In my line of work, that's the only way you can."

"Funny," I snapped my eyes up at him so he knew I wasn't humored. Skimming through the conditions, it was nothing less than expected. It was standard. Standard pay, standard living stipends, standard expectations of a mechanic, some added benefits that came with attending races, conferences, and, of course, the parties. It was comical the way the papers hinted at certain liabilities, "Pen?"

He looked at me dumbfounded, surprised by my simple compliance. By the look on his face, I could tell he expected more of a fight. After composing himself, he pulled a pen out of his blazer and handed it to me. Then, skipping to the last page of the agreement, not bothering to review the ridiculous regulations, I wrote on the dotted line. Turning it back to the first page, I gathered the papers and tapped them against the table making sure they were in line before sliding them back to Niki the same way he had for me. He tried not to seem too eager as he went to the final page to see my signature for himself. I watched his eyes search the page, running down until it landed at the bottom.

"What is your issue!" He asked, truly at his wit's end. He clearly was not expecting to see the letters N and O written boldly and underlined instead of my name, "I am doing you the favor."

"And what favor is that? Hmm?" I questioned, snatching the papers up to wave them in his face, "All you're trying to do is poach me. There is nothing in this for me."

He blinked a few times in frustration, then handed me the pen and paper again, "Fix it."

"What?"

"Make them your terms," He used his chin to gesture to the papers, "Isn't that what you want?"

I thought I finally had him, the final straw to get him off my back, but he was too far committed to let me go that easily. My leg was bouncing up and down impatient to leave, but then the pen found it's way back into my hand and I had already begun the correction process. As I did, I mentioned, "I won't go to the races."

"Fine."

"I mean it," I looked up at him for all intents and purposes.

"As do I."

"Hmm..." I concentrated now on the fine print of things. I refused to have a 'clause' be my demise, "and I won't watch them either, won't listen to them, and won't even read about them until I hear about it directly from you."

The lack of response matched the confusion on his face, "What do you mean?"

"You find me wherever I am after the race and tell me, to my face, how it went. I want it from the source," I emphasized my point to make sure he understood the seriousness in my words.

"Done," He agreed with a simple shrug.

"However," I scratched out an entire section, the pen's ink now fully covering the page, "I want to see the tracks beforehand."

"I can arrange that."

"Now, I would work for you. The same way you would work for me. You and me, we'd be a team. Fifty-fifty. You do whatever you want to do and I will do the same. I won't sign to a team, a sponsor, or any of that nonsense, that's your business," I said intently, before repeating myself to make sure I was as clear as I possibly could be, "But you and me, we're a team."

"You would still be working with the team."

"With the team, not for the team," I emphasized, writing that down as it's own bullet point. Then I went ahead and tore out the final few pages that concerned the pit crew and race regulations. 

Taking a few minutes, I finetooth combed through every page before I felt content enough to finally push it back to Niki.

"Now, if I were to agree, this is what would be more acceptable." I glanced up at the clock, my fifteen-minute break over, "Read over this, find me after work, and we'll talk more about it."

"You're setting me up for failure," He said knowingly, standing up, "I'll arrive and you will just tell me no. How do I know I'm not wasting more time?"

"Always the optimist," I stood,  following suit as he held open the door.

"Realist."

"I'm a tease, but that would just be cruel," I smiled and shook my head, "I get off at 5."

As punctual as any Austrian, Niki had met me fifteen minutes before the end of my shift, not daring to waste any time to finish our discussion. I gathered my things while he waited for me leaning against his car.

He looked like he wanted to get to the point, but I cut him off before he could, "Take me to the track, I want to show you something."

For a driver, he was being incredibly patient, not something I thought I'd encounter. I wanted to make my decision at the track and he seemed to understand that. Arriving, it felt strange to be there without the natural chaos that came with an actual race. There were a few people here and there walking about, most likely on their way out for the day, leaving the perfect opportunity for Niki to do what I wanted him to do. Before I could have the conversation I was to have with him, I needed to see him drive naturally. I wanted to see him in his car without the adrenaline, pressure, or influence of a title looming over his head. I just wanted to see him drive.

"Go again," I yelled over the hum of his engine as he slowed down next to me.

Niki only stared me down through his helmet and held up his hands in disbelief before his muffled voice said, "I have already gone around ten times!"

If I was being honest, I lost count of how many times I asked him to go around the track. It had to be more than ten, but I could tell Niki was trying to keep his cool, continue to be patient with me. Yet, his desire to indulge me was wearing thinner and thinner with each lap.

"Again," I patted the car, "Last one, I promise."

Instead of immediately running the lap again, he pulled off his helmet and pulled up the balaclava from around his head just enough to say, "That's what you said the last time."

I tried to assure him, "I'm serious this time. Last one."

He pulled the cloth and helmet down over his face again, not without sending me a slight glare. Then he shifted into the correct gear and sped off once again. This time though, he was getting careless, wanting it to be over. That twenty percent chance speech he had given me going up a few percentages. The only thing standing between him and the metaphorical finish line was me. He was fed up and I could see that as he drove a little less calculated than he had been. 

I hadn't expected it, but I was starting to get stage fright. When it had first happened to me it was more of an initiation ritual that I didn't see coming. So to be the person who knew what was going to happen made my heart beat a little faster with each shaky step I took onto the asphalt. I made sure that he was at the farthest point from me, the point where he wouldn't be able to see my new position.  I remember the first time I was in Niki's position. I was cocky, a know-it-all, that thought running pointless laps was a waste of time. So with each one, I challenged myself to go faster and faster each lap around until I was force braked so hard I spun out of control and gave myself a concussion.

So now, on the other end, I started to question my position. If I stood he would see me the moment he hit the apex of the turn, if I sat it would take him only a second longer, but if I laid down...Taking in a deep breath, going vertebrae by vertebrae I laid down on the warmth the track held onto from the day seep through my shirt to my back. I was sure I was making it up in my head, but it felt like time had slowed down. The birds flying above of me in my left peripheral looked as though their wings barely cut through the air. But when I heard Niki turn that corner, time had continued faster than I remembered it could.  Closing my eyes, I took in a few shallow breaths in preparation. The sound of the car approaching became louder and louder, drowning out the pounding of my heart until it came to a screeching stop.

My eyes shot open and met the clouds that had barely had time to move. Automatically I sought out the birds to see if they had passed while I stayed in my position, back against the ground. I could hear the engine turn off and there were only a few calm seconds before I Niki scrambled out of the car yelling, "Are you crazy!"

"Did you feel that?" I asked a bit breathlessly, tilting my head back to see him, truly snapping back to reality.

"Do you have a death wish?" He asked, ripping off his helmet to scold me further, "What were you thinking? I could have hit you!"

"But you didn't," I said with the same provocation as my previous comment.

"What was that?" Niki asked, clearly still flustered over the situation.

"I'm trying to get you to see my point," I responded, finally getting up to be at the same level as him, “The point you’ve been ignoring.”

"I see your point," Niki nodded his head in anger. I could see the sweat that had built up on his hairline, "It's clear you're trying to scare me off! It is not going to work."

"Really, I'm not," I insisted, shaking my head. I began to walk down the track he had just driven on, "Come, come look at these."

He ran his tongue over his lips, searching for words to respond to my strange, borderline cryptic behavior. However, after a quick internal battle, he begrudgingly walked over to next to me, clearly still fuming at the situation.

"This is a reminder that it can all be taken from you like that," I snapped my fingers instantaneously, "You learn to forget. But my job is to remind you that rug can be taken out from underneath you at any moment. Do you understand the gravity of that?"

He looked at me with wild eyes as if saying that's what all this was for, but then he nodded his head regardless.

"No,  don't just nod your head..." I stressed, probably looking insane as my hands kept fiercly gesturing toward the tire marks, "I need to hear you say it."

"I understand."

"No, you don't," I shook my head further, "You, you need to mean it."

"Margot, I understand." We both went quiet while I took the chance to read his face. I needed to know just how serious he was about it as much as he needed to see how serious I was. He looked at me and then up into the sky breathing out the breath he was holding, letting  out any grievances he still held onto, then looking back down at me to ask, "You said your job?"

I tilted my head to the side, trying now to be as blasé as possible as I shrugged my shoulders, "I put in my two weeks."

---

"Everyone," Niki's Austrian accent boomed throughout the garage, gaining the attention of all it's inhabitants, "This is Margot Lan-

"Banks," I spoke over him, stepping ahead of him slightly with my hand already stuck out to greet people. Meeting new people was never a strong suit of mine. There was always this anxiety that I built up in my head that would manifest through a slightly flushed face and nervous hands that needed distracting. It always felt good to keep my hands busy, but shaking other calloused hands at the moment wasn't the ideal distraction.

Niki shot me a confused look, but continued his introduction, "She will be working on my car for the foreseeable future."

"Clay Regazzoni," The next person had met my hand, one that was a bit more welcoming than the others, "Pleasure to meet you."

"Likewise," I shook his hand, "Sei Italiano?" You're Italian?

"Ovviamente! Parli italiano?" He asked in his native tongue. Of course! You speak Italian? 

"Non bene," I laughed slightly, "Sono un po 'fuori allenamento." Not well, I'm a little out of practice.

"Non preoccuparti. Puoi esercitarti con me, a meno che questo qui- " Don't worry. You can practice with me, unless this one over here-

"Margot," Niki interrupted us as if on cue, using his head to tell me to follow, "The car."

I sent Clay a small smile as a goodbye before trailing after Niki with my personal toolbox in hand. On the way over to his car, I couldn't help but think about the list of things Niki expected me to get done today. He was very clear with me that there was no time to waste, as we've already wasted too much time. However, standing in front of his team car, I knew his list would have to wait until my list was completed.  Before he could protest, he was pulled into a conversation with the what looked to be a sponsorship manager, most likely talking about what other horrendous thing they'll add to the car will be.

Just glancing at the car, I could see how Niki had gotten his people to do what he wanted, but in turn they absolutely butchered it. It looked rushed and clumsy. He had smart ideas, but the execution was a bit lackluster and sloppy, creating unnecessary, avoidable risks for what was needed.

"Clay!" I called out to the other side of the garage, "Viene qui un momento." Come here a moment.

I wanted to know what the team's car was supposed to look like and I knew his car would be the closest thing to the original. I needed to know the baseline to build it from the bolts up. I should have known that inviting over a talkative Italian meant that I'd really have to decipher my own mystery. After exchanging some pleasantries I started to wonder how long Niki would be gone. By looks of the conversation he was roped into, I had enough time to start the first thing on my list.

So while Clay helped me practice my Italian, I started inspecting Niki's car. I had learned Clay grew up in Porza, in the Canton of Ticino, part of the Italian-speaking region of Switzerland. He was friendly and welcoming, I already knew the name of his childhood dog, Enzo, and how he would always run away to his childhood crush who happened to look a lot like me. His flirtations, unbeknownst to him, were reaching a dead end. Because throughout the conversation, I could feel Niki's eyes follow my every move, ignoring the person talking to him. At first, I didn't mind it, thinking he just was watching me work. But as my conversation continued with Clay, I realized it wasn't that. Even though he was across the room I could see he looked upset. Angry almost. clearly, his current conversation bothering him enough to scowl over in my direction as he kept an eye on me.

Not long after, Clay too was roped into the conversation and I was left to my own device for the better half of the day, but so far no one who I had met at the beginning of the day even remotely offered me any help. Instead, they all brooded in the corner, as if waiting until I was finished to undo my hours worth of work. If I was thinking fairly, I don't think I would be all too pleased to watch the new person undo work months in the making. The minute I stepped away from the car I knew they'd swarm to it, not letting me get an inch in anylonger. So, the only resolution I could come up with was to muddle through it all in one go.However, the repercussions of that led to me burning the same part of my arm over and over. The first time was a stupid mistake I made while I was removing parts. I assumed the engine would be in the back, like most race cars, so when I reached in blindly the heat of the engine got me. The times following, was just out of pure laziness and frustration of the crammed pieces I was pulling apart.

Hissing again as I touched more hot metal, I could hear the few men behind me chuckle. Of course. There was always an issue. That's why I was always given the busy work, the simple fixes, the oil changes, engine cleaning, checking tire pressure, changing the air filters, anything that no one else wanted to do. So now, when I finally got my hands on something good, of course I'd have to endure the sniggering and overall lack of faith put in me. So be it.

If Niki saw them now, with idle hands, he'd be out for blood.  I wanted blood. Taking a breath to refocus, I continued to work on Niki's requests. He needed a cooler cabin for starters. I tried running the pipe on the outside by the rocker panels along the sides that way they wouldn’t directly under the Niki. That would also help with a mid or rear engine, keeping the fumes and exhaust heat out would making it a lot easier once it all happening behind him. I had lost track of time trying to finagle the gas flow inside the system so it would be kept away from anything that would react badly as I shuffled things around something so simple could end up being the trickiest piece of the puzzle .  I intentionally started from scratch, pulling out each piece one by one, rearranging everything, just to change it all again.  It had become hours of trial and error before Niki had returned.

"Here."

"Hmm?" I hummed, not quite breaking my concentration enough to really acknowledge Niki's presence.

"Eat."

"I will in a moment," I sat on the ground with my legs crossed while I rewired some circuits.

"You said that an hour ago." Did I? An hour ago? I didn't even remember him coming back in. 

Discreetly, I glanced up at the clock to see what time it was before saying, "There's really no hurry, I'll eat in a while."

"And your blister? Are you going to wait until that get's infected?"

"I wasn't," I hummed, standing  up to move onto the next part of my experiment. Carefully, I clicked the circuit back into its place saying, "...but now, out of spite, I think it's a given."

"You are no good to me if you can't work."

"You'll have to get that on a plaque for me," I joked, without pulling my hands from the car, "That way when I really want to feel inspired, all I have to do is look up and read it."

"The others said you won't let them touch the car," Niki ignored me and addressed what he really came over here to say. Probably send by the others.

"Of course they did," I snorted,  "At this point, I don't want them to. I'm too..."

I trailed off, refocusing more on the car and less on my surroundings. I walked around the side of the car, starting it again to see how things responded while it was running. When I saw that the circuit still weren't lighting up in the correct order I shut it down to try again.

"I do not have time for drama," Niki said like an annoyed father who was dealing with bickering teenagers.

"And you think I do?" I had no desire to entertain how I really felt about the so-called team.

"Then, tell them what to finish, and take a break before you become a lawsuit."

"It's not that simple."

"Make it simple," He said, but I only gave him a look, "Fine, I'll go make it simple."

This got me to stop, he knew that it would. So as he went to walk towards them, I said, "Don't...I'll eat the apple, but then you have to finish this how I want you to."

I started to take off my gloves like a truce. Noticing this, Niki came in my direction to switch places. However, before he did, he held out the apple, "A deal is a deal."

I swiped the apple from his hand and slumped onto the stool near the car. After rolling the apple along the side of my pants, I brought it up my mouth to take a satisfying crunch. I breathed out through my nose as I chewed and looked around the garage. The useless crowd of men, continued to look on, now with smug smirks on their lips. I had lost our nonexistent battle, I had passed the baton to Niki.

"You have changed everything," Niki said once he looked at the car. Then, he looked at me. I was positive grease littered my arms and face as earlier the towel soaked with sweat and oil became useless, "There is nothing in the car. Where are all the parts?"

"The trash," I continued to crunched on the apple obnoxiously, my frustrations obvious in each bite.

"You were supposed to fix it," Niki pinched the bridge of his nose, "Not throw everything away."

"This is fixing it," I said through a mouthful of food, "Your structure was all wrong-

"You eat like a cow," Niki said as he looked further into the car, "How am I supposed to focus with all that noise."

"The same way I did while Clay was talking to me."

"He's keen on you."

"I know." I groaned slightly, turning the apple to the other side, "He very...talkative-

"Annoying," Niki said at the same time.

"You aren't much different," I noted, before lulling my head to the side, "You haven't stopped talking to me since you got here, so be nice."

"Why?"

"Why not?" I clenched my jaw, before raising an eyebrow, "He's the only one here that thinks I'm not going to destroy the car if I touch it."

"That is not true," He tutted softly, starting to become more focused on finding his missing exhaust pipe.

"You're right, those boys over there have been nice enough to let me have the car all to myself," I spat sarcastically. I knew what he meant by his statment, but I couldn't help but bring attention to it again.  Especially when the culprits were looking me dead in the eye.

"I prefer it that way," Niki stated. I realized, then, that would probably be the closest thing to a compliment from him.

---

"It's terrible, drives like a pig," Niki concluded after his first test lap.

"Oh, you can't say that," Ferrari's head mechanic whispered, looking to the side praying no one else heard him.

"Why not?" Niki asked, pulling off his gloves and helmet.

"It's a Ferrari!" His arms went up in stereotypical Italian exasperation.

"It's a shit box. It understeers like crazy, and the weight distribution is a disaster," He said, being heard clearly as his balaclava rests on his forehead. He gestured around him, “ It's amazing, all these facilities, and you make a piece of crap like this."

With hands-on his hips, the guy started to form an expression, but Niki was first to mock his attitude, "Huh?"

 Niki wouldn't just accuse Ferriari for being crap if he hadn't truly meant it, but I couldn't help but roll my eyes at the exchange.  During it, I sat next to the owner of the team. He was a kind old man who only knew Italian. A very wealthy man who had an affinity for cars.

"Cosa ha detto?" the old man asked.  What did he say?

"Niente di importante..." I shrugged. Nothing important.

"Margot!" Niki beckoned me to the car. Pushing myself up from the chair next to the older man, I strolled over to Niki as he hoisted himself out of the car. "We need to fix the understeer and come up with something to help the weight distribution, it's shit."

"I heard," I said as I squatted down to take a look for myself. I knew I wouldn't feel it the same as when it drove, but it helped when trying to figure out how to maneuver things, "I'm not sure I can do much about the understeer without making the car illegal. Illegally though, I can do a lot."

"Certainly not," He said not appreciating my humor, "Pull the car in while I talk to him, then we'll address this."

It felt strange to get back into the car. It was like muscle memory the way I lowered my body into the cockpit-like seat. The garage was less than a few meters away, I would barely be driving the car, I could push it if I truly felt like it, which in hindsight I wish I had done. Starting it up, I slowly drove it to its place and practically ripped my body out the minute I had parked it.

The Italian weather was no longer the only thing making me sweat. Come on, get a grip. In an attempt to calm myself, I went through the steps of what I was going to do. See where the engine is housed, work on aerodynamics, put exhausts on the sides for aerodynamic design and weight considerations. Simple. Familiar. My hands were at my sides, twitching slightly any time I thought of touching it. Taking in a deep breath from my nose, I let it out through my mouth. I repeated this for a few minutes, thinking if I waited long enough, my body would respond. But anytime I went to reach out, I drew in another prolonging breath.

"Ora che facciamo parte della Ferrari, cosa ne dici se prendiamo una bevanda per festeggiare?" I jumped slightly at the sudden voice. Now that we're part of Ferrari, what do you say we grab a drink to celebrate?

"Sto bene grazie," I cleared my throat as if I was clearing my thoughts. I'm good.

"Siamo a Fiorano ormai da una settimana! In realtà qui il sole non è come Londra. C'è così tanto da festeggiare!"  Clay tried to ooze his Italian charm but it wasn't working in his favor. We've been in Fiorano for a week now! there's actually sun here not like London! There is so much to celebrate!

"È stata anche una settimana in cui mi hai chiesto di uscire." I poked fun at Clay's antics, trying to lighten my own mood. It's also been a week of you asking me out.

"Funziona ancora?" He gave me a grin. Is it working yet?

"Cosa ne pensi?" What do you think?

"Come on Niki, tell her that she should grab a drink with me to celebrate," He switched to English as Niki went to brush past the two of us only to get caught in Clay's web.

"Celebrate?" Niki laughed slightly, before saying, "What is there to celebrate exactly? She doesn't drive a car. She is not apart of Ferrari. She has already declined your offer. She has work she is behind on. Must I continue?"

"Thanks, Niki," I mumbled sarcastically.

"Is that it? You won't go without him," Clay looked between the two of us, then changing his tune, "Fine, we all go! A friend of mine is having a thing this weekend, it'll be perfect."

"I'm not the social type," I said, hoping to excuse myself from the invitation, "You two enjoy yourselves."

"And you think he's the social type?" Clay pointed to Niki, "Dai, non puoi lasciarmi con lui!" Come on you can't leave me with him!

"Socialization, it's a distraction," Niki pointed his lips down and brushed him off confidently.

"Fine then, you and me, bellissima," Clay turned towards me again, "Agree to this one time and I won't ask you ever again."

"Clay," I said his name, paired with a come-on look.

"You two are all car car car, never fun fun fun," Clay threw up his hands while he complained, then held up a singular finger, "One thing, all I'm asking of you."

"Fine," I sighed, knowing agreeing would be the only way I could be left alone at the moment.

"I'll go." Niki agreed to something I never thought he would. He had his hand on his hips while the two of us gave him a look of disbelief which he only waved off with a hand before getting back to work.

[cha-melodius]

2021 Fic Year in Review

This is based partly off a year-in-review post I did last year and another one that floated across my dash recently. Feel free you grab it if you want to do your own review!

AO3 Username: chamel  My Page: Link Fandoms: The Man from UNCLE (movie), Loki/MCU, The Mandalorian Total Number Of Completed Works/Word Count This Year: 16 works, 247k words Of All Time: 51 works, 653k words

Most Popular One Shot (by kudos): (Does the first work in a series count as a one-shot? What if you intended it to be a one-shot and then accidentally wrote a series around it? I counted it like that last year, but idk, lol.) This Year & All Time: What Makes A Good Man (Loki, Loki/Mobius, T, 8.5k words)

Most Popular Completed Multi-Chapter (by kudos): This Year: Another First Kiss (TMFU, Illya/Napoleon, M, 11k words) Of All Time: Do You Promise Not to Tell? (The Mandalorian, Cara/Din, E, 87.7k words)

More reflections and such below the cut!

Looking Back, Did You Write More Fic Than You Thought You Would This Year, Less, Or About What You’d Expected? Hmmm, I don’t know that I had expectations going into the year, really. I guess less, though, because I wrote less than I did in 2020 even though it FELT like I wrote a lot.

What’s Your Own Favorite Story Of The Year? Said it before, I’ll say it again (and again): Love is a Losing Game. I feel like it has the best narrative arc and is the most fully realized work of fiction I’ve ever done. I just love it so so much.

Do You Have Any Writing Goals For The New Year? Write more? 😅 Idk actually, maybe try to produce more one-shots and fics under 15k words. I do enjoy writing the long fics but sometimes I feel overwhelmed by them.

Did You Take Any Writing Risks This Year? I guess jumping into a new fandom counts. It’s always a bit nerve wracking to hit post in a new fandom, especially one in which there is a lot of content being produced (at the time, at least). But I’ve been overwhelmed by the positive response to my stories!

Story Of Mine Most Under-Appreciated By The Universe, In My Opinion Probably Enough of a Natural Disaster for Me. I don’t know why that had a lackluster performance. Also I have been surprised that You, or Your Memory hasn’t found a lot of traction.

Most Fun Story To Write The Makings of a Perfect Christmastime (writing a screwball comedy is too much fun), followed closely by Here It Goes Again (because I love time loops)

Biggest Disappointment Honestly, it’s been a bit sad that the Lokius fandom started SO strong and faded SO fast. I mean, don’t get me wrong, the people who are still active are AMAZING, and I am so so grateful for the response to the Good Man series and how engaged everyone is, but for a fandom who was in tumblr’s top ten, the hits and kudos numbers have definitely fallen off dramatically from where we started.

Biggest Surprise That said, the response to What Makes A Good Man when I published it was overwhelming in the best way, and the sheer number of people who are still into my crazy AU was unexpected by amazing. Thank you to all of you who are still reading along and letting me know your theories and yelling at me for angsty chapters. You make it all worth it!

Coming Soon/Planned

Sequel to You Must Be A Christmas Tree (Napollya)

Probation AU for my MTH winners (Lokius)

Chess Olympiad sequel to Love is a Losing Game (Napollya)

GBBO AU (Lokius)

Art thief-restorer/gallery owner AU (Napollya)

ISS AU (Napollya)

Westworld AU (Lokius)

Void time loop (Lokius

5+1 of Illya getting hot and bothered over Napoleon

Post-UNCLE reunion fic (Napollya)

[excelsi-or]

just a little sweeter (pt. 14)

No recs from me this time. I can’t consume content that fast LOL. I’m trying for one post a day. After this one there might be five (???) parts left? I haven’t decided if I’m going to include one that I did. I think I need to rework it a little if I decide to post it. 

Anyway, enjoy this really fluffy, really cheesy, I don’t know what I was thinking kinda part. 

w.c. 1.2k (fluffy, fluff fluff; I’m trying to rot your teeth with the sweetness)

pt.1; pt.2; pt.3; pt.4; pt.5; pt.6; pt.7; pt.8; pt. 9; pt. 10; pt. 11; pt. 12; pt. 13

Jihoon pushes through the door and immediately hears giggling. He’s had the longest day in the world with one day blending into two. It is now almost 34 hours later, and he just wants to go to bed. Considering, it’s almost 8, Eunha should be winding down for the night. Gone are the days when his baby used to sleep when he slept or slept in his arms while he worked.

Mochi scampers up to him, skidding slightly as she loses traction on the hardwood. Jihoon scoops the puppy up and lets her lick his face in greeting. After taking the puppy to the groomer and getting Mochi properly cleaned, she turned fluffier than either of them had expected. The groomer said that she’ll get fluffier with more cleaning.

Jihoon leaves his bag in the kitchen so he can’t see it and heads to the living room. What he finds in his living room can only be described as a fort.

“What in the world is going on?” Jihoon demands. He was going to use the word fuck, but he recognizes his daughter’s giggling inside.

She pokes her head out the top. Her hair is up in a messy bun and her glasses emphasize her makeup that has started to smudge. “Building a fort.”

Jihoon lifts an eyebrow. She’s likely built the entire thing on her own. Eunha would have been absolutely useless. “Isn’t that a ltittle childish?”

She tips her head, her gaze dropping down briefly. A smile breaks out on her face as she presumably looks at Eunha. Then she meets his eyes again. “Does that mean you don’t want to join us?” Her head disappears back into the fort.

Jihoon waits a moment. He puts Mochi down and even his dog bounds into the fort, causing another burst of giggling.

He moves to stand in front of the TV and squats down. He finds Eunha already showered and dressed in her pajamas, cradled in her arms. The two girls look up at him and she makes a point of cuddling Eunha closer, showing off his cute baby and just how cute she actually is. When he searches for Mochi, he finds his white puppy already dozing underneath the bend in her legs.

Jihoon can’t help but smile, still shaking his head in mock disapproval. “Move over then.”

Eunha squeals in excitement as they move over to make room for Jihoon on Eunha’s other side. Jihoon listens while she reads Eunha a bedtime story. They’re reading the first Harry Potter, which isn’t quite scary yet, though his daughter has proven to have an affinity for scary things. One of her favourite games with Seungkwan, Seungcheol, and Jeonghan is to try to jump scare him.

She reads just until Eunha’s entire body goes limp. She adjusts Eunha so that Jihoon can hold her before stretching down to scoop up Mochi.

“You look exhausted,” she comments.

Jihoon hums. “Your reading almost put me to sleep.”

She reaches her free hand to Jihoon’s hair. “Why didn’t you?”

“I haven’t talked to you in a few days,” he hums. Her hand through his hair has the same effect as it does on Eunha and Mochi.

“You stressed out?”

“Not really. The album’s coming along.” He yawns. “Just a lot of stuff going on.”

“What else is wrong?” She chuckles at Jihoon’s cocked eyebrow. “You only force yourself to stay up and talk to me like this when there’s something you need, my love. So, what is it?”

“Can you pick up Eunha from my parents in two weeks?”

Her smile falters slightly. “You’re going on tour?”

“Yeah. Yeri’s parents are going to watch her for two days and then my parents will pick her up and take her to Busan.” Jihoon makes a face. “My mother might also be trying to find a way to talk to you without me around.”

She nods. Jihoon’s mother is nice. She has the sort of cut-throat attitude and blunt way of speaking that she’s found in Jihoon.

Jihoon digs around in his sweater pocket. He pulls out two plane tickets. “And if you wanted to come to Tokyo for the last stop of the tour…”

Her eyes widen in surprise. She stares at the tickets in his hand and then meets his eye. They’ve been together for nearly two years now. Eunha’s presence has made the relationship go faster, but also settle faster than any of her previous relationships. But considering that Jihoon performs constantly, she’s never seen him perform. Since Jihoon’s never brought it up, she assumed it wasn’t important to him.

Apparently, she was wrong.

“You want me to come?” She takes the tickets out of his hand and reads the information. “You want me to come to your concert? And bring your baby?”

“If bringing Eunha is too much of a hassle, I’ll tell my parents that Eunha will stay until we get home.”

She blinks. “This is just for me?”

“Eunha’s been to a lot of my concerts.” He pushes hair out of his baby’s face. “And you’ve never been. I want you to see it.”

She leans across Eunha to kiss him. Mochi stirs in her hands. “Sorry, baby.” She turns her attention to Jihoon. “Yes, I’ll come.”

Jihoon’s expression is of someone who didn’t expect a yes. “You can just take off from work like that?”

“If no one will open, I’ll close the café in the mornings.” She looks at the ticket. “Since I’m apparently being invited for a weekend.”

Jihoon nods. “If you’re willing to join me, I’m going to extend my stay. Mingyu, Wonwoo, Coups hyung and Jeonghanie hyung, said they were willing to stay to help cause some…” he tips his head both ways, “diversions, if necessary.”

That statement causes her to laugh in disbelief. “Wow. So, I can have you for a whole weekend.”

“They’re also willing to baby sit for a while, so if Eunha does come, we can still spend time together.”

She throws a hand up in faux frustration. “Well, Jihoon, how could I even think of not coming? You’ve planned it all.”

He chuckles. “Happy anniversary, jagi.”

She pouts. “One, we agreed anniversaries don’t matter. Two, we agreed no gifts or stuff if we remembered them.”

“You already take care of Eunha when I can’t. That means more to me than you could ever understand.” He nudges her with his arm. “That’s gift enough.”

“You adorable piece of,” she lowers her voice to say, “shit.”

Jihoon grins. “The members were mentioning that I’ve never invited you to a concert. And Seungkwan reminded me that it’ll be another year next week.”

“We have not been together that long, have we?”

“Well neither of us actually knows, so I believe him,” Jihoon says with a shrug.

“How exciting though,” she hums. “Shall we sleep?”

“What?” Jihoon looks around, “in here?”

“Well, unless you want to take down the fort and make the beds for us to sleep in, go ahead.” She snuggles down, Mochi now asleep half on her shoulder and half on the couch behind them, and Jihoon’s grip loosens as Eunha rolls over to cuddle into her.

Jihoon’s not going to ruin this adorable image, so he settles down next to them.

[purpledragongaming]

Hey there, y’all!  I’m going to kick this blog off with a little bit of info about me.  My name’s Miranda and I’m what you’d call a ‘casual gamer.’  I play all kinds of things, but what I play and how I play is based purely on personal enjoyment.  I’m not a competitive person, by any means, and I’m just as likely to play a Hidden Object game as I am to play an MMO.  My very first computer games came as part of a package on my parents’ Tandy 1000.  I was no older than 3 or 4 and I LOVED the drawing program, which was a bit like a digital Etch-a-Sketch, but you could change the color you were using as you went.

We were never without a computer in my house from that point onward, and it wasn’t long before my parents started buying actual games to play.  I quickly became a fan of Sierra Online, and cut my ‘baby gamer’ teeth on classics such as Winnie the Pooh in the Hundred Acre Wood, The Black Cauldron, and Donald Duck’s Playground.  ;)  When I got old enough to read/comprehend, I also enjoyed a handful of text-based games, my favorite probably being The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy, though I vaguely recall playing the first Zork game and another fantasy game that my mom checked out from the library, but I could never beat before we had to return it.  >.<  LOL!

Anyway, this is all to say, that I’ve been enjoying various kinds of games for my whole life.  I play a game for one of two reasons (usually) - story and/or art style.  My tastes haven’t changed over the years, but I feel that they’ve broadened.  This new blog is a way for me to share some of the things I experience in the games I play.  Maybe it’s a cool landscape, or a favorite scene, or an awesome creation that some other user has set up for the enjoyment of others - whatever it is, it’s something that I think is worth sharing.

All of that said, I don’t expect this blog to get a lot of traction.  I kind of view it as more of a personal photo album of gaming memories.  If you happen across something you see and like, please feel free to reblog it.  ^_^  I would ask, however, that you keep any negative opinions to yourself.  If you don’t like the game, or the company or any of the people involved with the making of said games, or whatever else - don’t voice your negativity here.  That isn’t what this blog is about for me, and I’m not above blocking people in order to keep my blog free of those kinds of attitudes.

Right then, now that that’s all said and done - I’m going to start this blog off by reblogging a bunch of screencaps and gifs I originally made and posted on my personal blog and from my gif blog.  From there I’ll start adding new things.  I’ll do my best to keep things tagged well for searching purposes, but if you think a different or new tag is needed, just ask and I’ll see what I can do.  I’m also happy to chat about games via the Ask and Submit features, so feel free to ask questions - but again, please avoid negativity.  It’s okay, if you didn’t like a game (all of our tastes are different, after all) and you can say as much and ask me why I DID like something, but please don’t trash talk anything.  ‘I didn’t like that game because the graphics were outdated and the story was weak’ is very different from ‘THAT GAME SUCKED BALLZ!’  ;)

So, there we are, then.  Enjoy the blog and happy gaming!

[kittae]

I really want to post my fanfics and I worked super hard on all of them but I’m scared to do it because I see too many imperfections so I chicken out. Is there any advice you’d give to a new writer. Your works are amazing and accounts like you inspired me to delve into my own creativity so any sort of tip would help. Sorry to bother but I just need a little extra confidence. :)

Hi! How exciting you’ve started to create your own fanfics, that’s awesome! I feel honoured my work could inspire you!! Many years ago I worried about the same thing, but then i basically said “fuck it” and i honestly didn’t care about notes or following, I just wanted a place to dump my 1k smut scribbles lol. Was my work any good back then? hell no lol, but I improved the more I wrote, the more i read other works and took inspiration from different writing styles of the writers i admired until i somehow managed to develop my own! I am still learning and improving every time i write a new piece. Tips under the cut because i have a lot to tell you!

So the best tips i can give you are: Have fun, do it for yourself and don’t care about anything else! Any kind of support or nice feedback is definitely a plus but it can take some time before you’ll see any of that and there will be times you’ll question whether or not you’re good enough because feedback has gone dry quite a lot on this platform, but don’t take it to heart and just enjoy writing! Just post them and maybe log out of the app for a while afterwards if you’re too anxious or worried! You’re creating and sharing your creativity for free and that’s a wonderful thing. 

Another thing when you’re starting out is to keep it manageable for yourself. Don’t try to take on more than you can handle, just take it easy and do what you can, don’t feel pressured to pump out a 10k fic in one sitting lol. I’m still not very good at writing longer fics so i usually just do smaller works so i can actually finish them. But everyone’s different!

It might be a good idea to post your works on other platforms too if that’s something that sounds good to you, each platform comes with its own unique audience and you’ll figure out what feels best for you along the road! Some of those are: archive of our own (ao3), wattpad (very interactive reader base but beware of the immaturity and pressuring for updates from the readers and sometimes toxic environment/plagiarism), Inkitt (mostly original works on there but fanfiction gets some traction as well!).

If you’re someone who can write quite a lot, i recommend putting up a posting schedule so your readers know when they can expect a new chapter/fic from you and it really helps to keep your blog active! I never did that but i did take requests from readers back then, so i just posted small blurbs per request and that also worked really well to build some traction. Don’t feel obligated to do any of those things tho! The more you write, the more you’ll see what works for you and what doesn’t, just try out different things!

If you don’t know what to write, ask the audience! Doing requests or writing games really helped me a lot when i just started out. Make sure to tag your fics according to its content, that’s very important to be found by the right people. The first 5 tags are the most important, so make sure you have things like ‘bts’ ‘bts fanfiction’ ‘jin fanfic’ ‘kim seokjin’ etc in there. Don’t spam your tags with unrelated stuff or groups that are not in the fanfic, that’ll anger people and ruin the tag. 

And lastly, make your blog easy to navigate. Do some research on HTML coding so you can put links in your bio and make a structured masterlist so your readers can find your fics easily. I’ve also noticed readers are more inclined to read fics with a nice header on top of the post, you can easily make those in the picture editor Canva! I recommend putting your handle on the header as well as some kind of watermark and so people remember your name better.

hope this helped! Feel free to message me anytime if you have some more questions about starting out! I know it can be scary, but it’s really liberating when you can express yourself through your writing! xx

[anchoredtether]

2020 Writing Roundup

Stolen from Rue! This was fun to reflect on!

Everyone is welcome to use this same format if they’d like to do the same!

~~~~~~~

S T A T S

Words written:

A whooping 232,867 - which is more than half of all the words I’ve written on Ao3 in the past seven years LOL. I guess I wrote to keep myself sane this crazy year.

O N G O I N G: S T A R T E D / U P D A T E D

AN UNORTHODOX APPROACH  (21,586 words)

First new fic of the year, this is my Shrek AU! I really adore this fantasy AU and it’s fun to explore such a crack concept and treat it seriously. It’s also a Pikelavar AU of sorts. 

DEFENDERS OF AURITA  (62,538 words)

Only updated my fantasy AU epic with one chapter this year, and I’m actually kind of sad I didn’t work on it more. It’s been hard to find muse for it when it hasn’t gotten nearly as much traction as other projects. 

PARADISE LOST  (13,013 words)

Another new fic started in June, this is a Zootopia AU! Heavily inspired from Zootopia, Beastars, and The Last of Us, it’s an apocalyptic future involving hybrids, people who have animal traits in order to combat a deadly strain of cancer. Plus I just love fox!Lance and rabbit!Pidge. 

SCALING BACK  (6,041 words)

New fic started in March, this is one I’ve had stewing on the backburner for quite awhile actually, and decided to start. It’s basically canon but Lance is actually a merman and hiding it from the team. It surprisingly fixes a ton of plot holes and fits with canon narrative. 

SHATTER AND TESSELLATE  (19,661 words)

This new project kind of took over my life if you couldn’t tell from all the art I’ve cranked out this past year for it. Oddly enough the idea just kind of hit me one day in March. I think Rue’s “worst timelines” got me thinking along those lines and I came up with the idea of Honerva seeing into the future and kidnapping the future paladins and turning them galra to prevent Voltron from defeating the Empire. So it’s a Galra AU but in the worst way possible. 

SIX IMPOSSIBLE THINGS (7,243 words)

Another new fic started in August, this Wonderland AU I’ve had notes and ideas for since 2018 or something. And it’s hilarious because I thought of Lance being the Cheshire cat long before Pike existed. Thanks to lots of brainstorming on Discord I’ve figured out a lot more worldbuilding for this AU and I can’t wait to expound on it. 

SLIDING LEFT MAKES MR. RIGHT (2,788 words)

Crack Tinder AU which says I posted in 2020 but I think I wrote it in November/December of 2019. This is a oneshot and it’s taking me forever to finish because it’s hard for me to write short things lol.

THE VACANT ETHER (31,121 words)

This is from the Stories in the Dark bang back in October 2019 and I’m still working to finish it. Post s8, horror, cosmic Reaper AU. This is a favorite AU of mine because of how nicely it fixes and explains all the plot holes of s8.

WHAT TIDES MAY BRING (20,704 words)

The Mer AU that Rue and I started writing last year! I really adore this AU and the Plance family feels it has, and sadly I’ve been slacking on my end with writing the next chapter but I hope to get more content in before MerMay this year. 

WHERE SAPPHIRE ROSES GROW (31,101 words)

I wrote a lot this year for my Beauty and the Beast AU. I’m quite pleased I finally got to the part where Lance learns Pidge is a girl because that’s when things start moving into motion (and obviously the romance starts developing, but still not for awhile yet because I’m a sucker for slow burns).

WHERE THE SUN MEETS THE OCEAN  (8,620 words)

I barely touched my Atlantis AU this year. This is another AU that doesn’t get as much love so it’s hard to find muse for it at times. 

R E F L E C T I O N S

Best title

I am really fond of Shatter and Tessellate. Not only does it sound pretty and gives great imagery but it’s symbolic of how the paladins are broken and put back together. 

Worst title

Probably Paradise Lost. It’s unoriginal (I stole it from the book by John Milton) though it fits the themes of the fic. But I also couldn’t think of anything better and I do find it funny that shortened it becomes PL which is like Pidge/Lance.

Best/worst last line

Best: from Where Sapphire Roses Grow: 

She opened her eyes to see Lance looking up at her with his captivating irises as brilliant a blue as the very sapphire rose that cursed him, eyes that were still human.

“I swear to you Lance… I will figure out a way to break your curse.” 

Worst: from Paradise Lost:

“Please…” she says in a muffled voice between sobs. “I can't - I can't do this alone."

“You won't have to,” he promises softly as he holds her close. “I'm here. I'm right here..."

Looking back, did you write more fics than you thought you would this year, less than you thought, or about what you predicted?

I wrote uhhh.... way more. Than I thought possible considering all the stress that happened this year. I started six new fics and progressed a ton in others. 

What’s your favorite story this year? Not the most popular, but the one that makes you the happiest.

This is a hard one to choose... but based on the content I covered this year for the fic as opposed to the fic itself, I’d have to say Where Sapphire Roses Grow. It’s so fun writing feral Lance and him protecting Pidge from the wolves was one of my favorite scenes to write this year. 

Okay, NOW your most popular story.

By a freaking landslide, Shatter and Tessellate. This really caught me off guard - I never thought this fic would be so popular, especially considering it starts out as a kid fic of sorts (paladins are all early teens at first) and most people don’t like kid fics. It’s also quite dark and highkey horror? So I’m shocked it’s so well loved.

Story most underappreciated by the universe?

By far The Vacant Ether. I thought it would gain a lot more traction considering everyone and their dog wants a s8 fix it fic, but then again TVE covers really dark topics and is technically a horror fic. So I shouldn’t be surprised it isn’t for everyone. But I am really happy with how it has turned out, even if less people read it. 

Story that could have been better?

All of them Hmm. I feel like Scaling Back could have been more imaginative, considering the second chapter mostly follows the events of a canon episode with little divergence. 

Sexiest story?

None of them have really gotten to that point yet... though I have been working on some future steamy scenes for some fics. If I had to pick one though probably Where the Sun Meets the Ocean because Pidge ogles Lance in that one. 

Saddest story?

Yikes this is a hard one. I think I have to say Shatter and Tessellate, because not only does that one cover death and kidnapping, but metamorphis and body horror. And it’s all the more sadder because they’re just kids. 

Most fun?

I think the one most fun to write is Where Sapphire Roses Grow. I love the time period, I love monster!Lance, I love Pidge and Lance bickering, there’s just so many good points to it. Plus BatB is a classic I loved and grew up with as a kid so it’s really fun to write out the themes I love. 

Story with single sweetest moment?

I think Lance comforting Katie in Shatter and Tessellate when she asks him to call her by Pidge from now on fits this one. Lance and Pidge have a lot of little moments like this in this fic but this one in particular is very tender. 

“Pidge is cute,” he finally says as he nervously rubs his wrist. “Reminds me of Pokemon.”

She makes a small sound which he thinks is an attempt at a laugh and turns her head to face him, tucking her hair behind her ear. “That’s where Matt got it from, actually.”

He smiles at her. “Is Matt your brother?”

She nods. “I’ve always loved owls, but I had a hard time saying it when I was learning how to talk. I watched Matt play enough video games that I could say ‘Pidgey’ though, and so I started calling any owl I saw as Pidgey. At some point the nickname Pidge stuck.”

Hardest story to write?

Easily The Vacant Ether. It covers a lot of heavy and dark topics and it’s hard to really nail the horror vibe sometimes. But also Sliding Left Makes Mr. Right solely because I can’t write short one-shots to save my life LOL.

Did you take any writing risks this year? What did you learn from them?

Not really? Aside from just... cranking out a ton. I suppose starting 6 new fics can count as taking a risk. Keeping up with all my projects is also a project but I somehow manage to do it.

Proudest Achievement:

I think Shatter and Tessellate reaching so many kudos and hits. I seriously was not expecting that. 

What are your fic writing goals for next year?

Just keep writing I guess. I do have two ambitious plans, to finish Not All Pain Heals, my Teen Wolf fic that is long overdue to be finished, as well as The Vacant Ether which is the fic I have planned out the most and would be easiest to finish. 

[bts-ficrecs]

Hello!! I know this may be random, but I've been a fan of your blog for quite some time now and I was thinking of creating a fic recs blog myself. Basically I have some question for you, of course if you don't mind answering. I'm sorry if some of them are too obvious, I new to this social network (I don't even have a tumblr account yet).

Do you need to ask the writers permission to recommend one of their works?

How is it that you find so many fics on tumblr? How do you search for them? How do you search for specific aus or pairings for example?

Do you have any piece of advice on how to get followers, on how to get people interested in reading what you recommend?

I hope this is not a bother, and that you can answer these questions publicly. If not, I totally understand. I wouldn't want you sharing top secret information 🤭 Thank you for your time and help 💓

Hellooo sweet anon!! It's not a bother at all and I'm more than happy to answer your questions!! 💗 I say YES to a fic rec blog.

I’m pretty sure you don't need permission to reblog or recommend fics. In fact I think I can say this for almost all writers: they welcome the recs and love!!! Sharing is caring in the fan fic world 🤩 this is also one way how writers gain traction - through word of mouth! So I'm absolutely all for reccing writer's works like crazy lol

As for finding fics, aside from the obvious (following 19392 writers), I follow a lot of nets like:

@btswritingcafe 

@btsghostiewritersnet​ 

@ficswithluv 

@btswritersguild 

@bangtanscenery 

@btsbookclub 

@btsficfinds (i know it's not a net. still wanted to share bc I find so many great fics there too)

I also follow other fic rec blogs like:

@hellreads​ 

@ex-silent-reader 

@sherecsbtsfics 

@sushireads 

@thirstybtsficrecs 

@flakandforay (not exclusively a fic rec blog but their fic rec posts are 😚👌) 

and ofc check out writers own fic recs sideblogs or posts! as well as old/abandoned rec blogs/networks! there are a LOT of old gems that date back to 2015/2016. you just gotta have patience to look for them :”)

And sometimes I go through the explore page and just scroll down the "bts fanfic" tag or any other tags that fit my fancy at that moment. Like right now I've really been in the mood for some fluffy comforting jk fics 🥺 Also just going through writers’ blogs and see who they interact with helps me discover new people! There is a plethora of new and old content out there!! You just gotta look for it!🤩🤩💗 the effort is worth it I promise. ALSO AO3!!!! everything above was just tumblr related! but add ao3 (and wattpad if you read there) to the mix and you are literally swimming in fics wowowow

As for your last question, I didn't make this blog to gain followers so I can't help you there. I actually never expected anyone to follow me cause I just wanted a space to freely word vomit my love @ writers and freak out with fellow readers. I guess gradually people noticed my reblogs and fic rec compilations. And my blog went from a solo spazzing party to a spazzing party where everyone's invited lol

At the same time I get wanting followers. It gets lonely when you have no one to scream with when character A does something dumb or when character B is hopelessly pining after character A. Lol. If your intention is to interact with those who follow your fic rec blog uumm idk I guess my advice would be to show your enthusiasm for the fic in question and ask people to cri with you? lol I got nothin’ else cause even I don’t know

It also helps to befriend other people who are just as crazy into reading fics as you are! I know I've befriended at least 4 wonderful people through my fic recs blog and I love love love spazzing with them over fics and talking about life in general!!!

who wants to create a bts fic reader’s club? someone pls make one and add me hahaha.

Anyway!!! I hope you end up making an account!🤩 whether it’s a fic recs blog or just a good ol’ tumblog. screaming (in joy or pain) @ writers and throwing bags of luv and tears @ them is one of the funnest things to do :”) i promis

[hyumjim]

In a move that’s pretty unusual for a k-pop group, 7/8 members of the girl group ANS have announced their disbandment in a letter they posted themselves on their fansite, and the letter very frankly discusses their frustrations with their agency’s management of them– or lack thereof. With most groups, announcements like this would be vetted by tons of agency staff before they ever hit the internet. But it turns out that ANS were able to do this because they were running their fansite themselves, just like they were doing everything else ANS-related themselves, because apparently the company that was supposed to be managing them… was not actually managing them:


“Our agency, ANS Entertainment had dismissed almost all of their staff once in March and once in April. They have dismissed the staff members who took care of us including our manager. Therefore, we were without any managers […] We did not even have a practice studio. 
Because we were without a manager, we had to contact and plan our schedules ourselves. We also managed the fansites ourselves and acted like a staff was managing it[…] 
This is something shameful but none of our members were able to receive any vocal lessons, and each of our members received only 10,000 KRW (~8 USD) per day for our meals. This wasn’t even given to us during the weekends. 
In actuality, we did not receive any support or management. We had requested the agency for at least vocal lessons, but the agency rejected our request, stating they did not have the money for it.
We understand the difficult situation due to the corona outbreak but the agency has neglected us too much. Furthermore, we could not just sit idly when we thought about the fans who have many expectations from us. 
Therefore, we hired a legal representative and sent a statement to the agency requesting them to follow through with the contract we have made - hiring a manager for the group, having a company office space, providing dance and vocal lessons. We requested the agency to deliver the proper measures within 14 days or we will take legal actions for the breach in contract. However, the agency did not take the proper measurements of our request. Instead, they called one of our members’ mothers and threatened us saying, “The agency did nothing wrong. We will be taking the members with good temper and leave the rest to rot like garbage. We will create a blacklist so that they can’t do anything in this field. We will make them so depressed so they can’t do anything except stay at home.” 
In response to this, we could not bear this any longer. That is why we have notified the agency of the termination of our contracts. 
This is when the issue with Haena arose. 
At the likely time when we had sent the statement to the agency, the agency began speaking about the issue with Haena[…] 
In actuality, the relationship between us and Haena was not bad. In our opinions, we did not have any special problems with Haena. 
Haena joined ANS in December of 2019. She was the youngest member of our group and was attending high school at the time. This year, our group was not able to promote as much because of the circumstances with the company. Therefore, we did not spend much time with her. 
The only conflict we had with Haena was when we convinced her to go back to school when she decided not to go anymore after being tested for the coronavirus. 
There was a person who tested positive for the virus at the internet cafe that Haena had gone to. So Haena received testing on May 29th. Fortunately, Haena tested negative and the quarantine authorities notified her to quarantine herself for an additional three days. 
During that period we were taking care of Haena’s school notices when we received a phone call from Haena’s homeroom teacher. Haena’s teacher told us on June 8th that Haena had not returned to school even after the additional three days of quarantine and did not contact the school to tell them the reason for her absence. 
The teacher revealed to us that Haena had missed many school days with the excuse of promoting with the group and the agency. She even told the school on the day of her graduation photos that she had a work schedule with the agency and did not show up to school. When we backtracked, we did not have any schedules on the day of graduation photography.
That is when we called Haena out to a cafe and told her the conversation we had with her homeroom teacher. We asked her what was going on and she was not able to clearly answer. She said it was her personal issue. Our members went on to rebuke her that lying is not good and to discuss with us if she has any issues. We encouraged her to do better in the future and we did not curse at her or even raise our voices at her. 
To be honest, these kinds of management should have been done by the agency but we had to manage Haena’s school attendance as well because the agency did not do it. 
The next day, Haena contacted one of our members and told her that Haena had been suffering from mental issues. Haena stated that she wanted to talk with her parents before making any decisions. We told her that we all respect Haena on her decision and to tell us after speaking with the agency. However, Haena stopped replying to any of us thereafter.
Then on June 12th, she contacted two members saying ‘I’m in a mentally difficult state so I couldn’t reply. I’m sorry. I will contact you after I get better.’ That was Haena’s last message with us.
Haena did not even attend the fan meeting that took place on June 20th and we went through difficulty trying to change the choreography to fill in Haena’s absence. 
Then, the company notified us after we sent them the statement that Haena had gone to the hospital because of us. They told us to go to the hospital to visit Haena but we were wary that the agency might plan something against us. So we were scared and was not able to even contact Haena. Fortunately, there was nothing too serious with Haena and we were told she was sent home. We were relieved to hear the news. 
In fact, Haena was having a hard time because of the unclear future due to the agency’s circumstances. She also revealed that she was financially having difficulties because we were not receiving any monetary support from the company. 
All our members have no ill-feeling towards Haena, nor did we have any before. We want to resolve any misunderstandings we have between Haena by openly speaking with her. 
However, the issue with Haena occurred right around the time when the issue with the contract occurred. When we look back at the time when the agency spoke ill of us and threatened us, we are suspicious the agency has used Haena to obscure the issue with the contract[…]”


I feel awful for all of the girls and I think what they have done here was brave and necessary. Poor Haena is only 18 and the oldest of them is only 23. It seems to me like they were all backed into a corner. Their agency put them in the impossible situation of managing their own group, in every aspect; marketing, event planning, not to mention choreo and vocal training, and even acting as surrogate guardians to their youngest member, all for EIGHT DOLLARS A DAY. (I especially think it is so goddamn unconscionable to make a group of young women responsible for their youngest member’s education as if they’re her parents; they were literally having parent teacher conferences and shit, which is insane.) In light of all that, it’s no surprise the youngest member had a mental breakdown, after having her own agency literally threaten to ruin her life! Even worse, after they did all of that, the company apparently then tried to take advantage of Haena’s inevitable breakdown and leverage it– thinking they’d be able to gain traction probably because of AOA/Mina’s situation– against the other girls to try and stop their story from getting out.


More than just mismanagement of idols, this is a story of mistreatment and cruelty from an agency, and I hope they face the music soon, no pun intended.


The girls signed this letter with their stage names probably because that’s how their fans know them, but those names were probably chosen for them by the company… Then again who knows– maybe the agency didn’t bother and just said you girls can come up with them yourselves, we don’t care. That seems in-character for them.


Anyway, their last comeback was “Say My Name,” so we might as well address them by their real names since they won’t be ANS anymore.


Hyunjoo, Sejin, Yeji, Sohyun, Seoyoung, Jiwon, Dayoung and Eunbi! I hope they are all able to recover well from being treated so poorly. Whether it’s as idols or not, I’ll keep following them and I hope they see much better days soon!
 (…On the bright side, there’s no reason to take their management’s threats of blacklisting seriously on any level, since this is the same company that couldn’t scrape together a few dollars for vocal lessons. If the company had that kind of influence in the industry then they wouldn’t have been broke in the first place lol. They are so broke, they couldn’t blacklist their way out of a paper bag.)