#I actually can’t listen to cause it makes me super emotional

[rosicheeks]

❤️

[foodiegoogie]

epiphanies over hotpot

james potter x gn!reader ✮ 1.6k summary: james comes to an illuminating realization when he sees you do something so unexpected for him. cw/tags: established relationship, james is SUPER whipped, mention of food, but the vibes are cozy and domestic :> also, we acknowledge the fact that james is a little diva !

note: inspired by smth i saw on twitter that went like, “yeah sex is good and all but will u clean my glasses for me when im wearing the wrong type of shirt” HAHA (...will u?) anyway, hope u enjoy reading this!! <3 i enjoyed writing it sm hehe

James has always been a chatterbox. In fact, it’s usually a cause for concern whenever he goes nonverbal. He’s almost animated with how often he talks with his hands, or how his face contorts into various expressions—each one of them successfully depicting his emotions well. 

You had always been a listener; always preferred to be silent, always preferred to just listen. In fact, you were a good listener; always supplying enough replies to keep the conversation going, asking questions so they could continue talking because you’re genuinely interested in what you were listening about. 

This makes James—the hopeless romantic that he is—convinced that you were both made for each other. But aside from that, he’s also a firm believer of the “opposites attract” phenomenon. He likes to think that’s what makes the two of you so special, too.

Presently, he’s in the middle of bringing you up to date on the latest gossip in his workplace that you’ve been waiting to hear an update from. James is, as usual, using everything he can get his hands on—chopsticks, the few empty dishes on your table, paper napkins, the table itself—to recount to you what he witnessed as best as he could. 

Slightly out of breath from all the enthusiastic talking, James pauses to take a sip of his water. Then, when he continues, he raises a bowl of the steaming hot soup up to his lips. But the hot steam causes his glasses to fog, and he cuts himself off in the middle of his storytelling. 

“—Oh. Well, dammit. Now, I’ve gone blind.” 

You chuckle into the glass of water you’re drinking, eyes trained on James’ fogged up glasses, and the massive, goofy grin on his face as he, too, laughs at his unfortunate situation.

But he’s nothing if not dramatic about it first.

James sighs, exaggerated on purpose, though the smile is still plastered onto his lips. “Ah, well there you have it. The light of my life, laughing at my own expense. How it pains me!” 

You roll your eyes affectionately at his little act, setting the glass of water down in front of you. “Oh, I’m so sorry for laughing at you, my love. Will you ever forgive me for my grave mistake of doing so?”

Your boyfriend, still sporting his foggy glasses, tilts his head slightly to the side as he rubs his chin in thought, feigning consideration. 

“Hmm, well, if you’re offering to compensate me in some way… I have a few suggestions,” James smirks.

You let out a snort of laughter. “Of course, you do.” He only chuckles in response, only deciding now to take his glasses off and get the fog out before he’d actually go blind. James was already bordering on the line of being legally blind, and he’ll be damned if he unintentionally made his eyesight worse by something so stupid as letting it get foggy, and refusing to clean it up after.

Most of all, though, he strives to maintain his eyesight as it is right now so he could keep seeing you in all of your loveliness. 

“Crap,” Your boyfriend frowns, stilling as he looks down at the white dress shirt he was currently wearing. Miraculously, it was still spotless. You supposed he was looking down at some spot where he’d finally managed to drop some food on when he continued. 

“I can’t clean my glasses with this,” James says, his frustration clearly evident with the adorable pout decorating his lips. You couldn’t help but smile fondly at the sight of it. 

“Technically, you’re not supposed to clean your glasses with your shirt, Jamie.” 

He grumbles under his breath. “I know that, duh.”

Then, he pauses briefly, and starts looking around the table for a clean paper napkin. “But I don’t really bring the case and the cloth with me anymore because I wear ‘em all the time anyway.” 

You sigh from exasperation. “Then it’s your own fault that you can’t clean your glasses right now,” You replied, reaching over the table to take his glasses from him.

James was already halfway through another defensive reply when he felt his glasses be taken away from his grasp. 

“Hey, what are you—“

Wordlessly, you start cleaning the lenses of his glasses up with a small, seemingly soft cloth you’d brought out from your handbag. It catches him off guard, and his heart pitter-patters with the feeling he always gets when he sees you for the first time after being apart for so long, or when you kiss him silly in your slightly bolder moments. 

As if it was just natural that you were doing this for him, you continued. “I mean, honestly, James. You’ve been wearing glasses for ages. You should know better by now.” 

He’s suddenly feeling a thousand different things, and thinking a thousand different thoughts, all at once. No, he wasn’t being dramatic this time. It was real. This was real. He was currently watching you, a literal angel sent from the heavens above and so lovingly bestowed upon him as his lover, clean his very own glasses for him. 

Just for him. Like, what?

So, maybe James was being a little dramatic. All you were doing was clean a pair of glasses anyway, there was nothing groundbreaking about it. You weren’t down on one knee and asking him to marry you. 

No, no. That wasn’t it. Actually, he may as well propose right then and there. This simple, yet so warm and thoughtful, gesture of yours had single-handedly made him fall deeper in love with you, so much so that he feels it strongly, he’s starting to think it’s not just the spice of the brothy soup you’ve both been sharing that’s making him feel a little woozy, and emboldened. 

“Marry me,” James blurts out with a breathless, almost dreamy sigh. 

“Sorry, what?” 

His heart kind of drops to his stomach at the nonchalant tone in your words, taking it in an entirely different context than yours. But James knows you really hadn’t heard him, of course. It was more like a murmur than anything that had come out of him. 

He suddenly falls over his words, increasingly getting flustered as you hand him back his glasses. He takes it with slightly trembling hands, prays that you don’t notice, and puts it back on in a rush. 

Once a much clearer sight of you finally comes into his view, James suddenly forgets how to function like a normal human being. Instead, he just stares at you in silent, but unabashed awe. 

“Er, James?” 

“Er.. yes, love?” 

“Are you alright?” 

“What? No. Yeah. M’fine.” He replies at once, mashing all the words in one quick breath. 

“O…kay,” You say, clearly suspicious of his suddenly odd behaviour. “What were you saying earlier? Couldn't catch it, really.” 

“Bury me," James answers, unblinking. "I said, ‘bury me.’” 

“‘Bury you?’” You clarify in a surprised huff of laughter. “Why would I do that?” 

Because I almost proposed to you and nearly put you in the hot seat. 

“Because this broth is just so good,” James punctuates his answer with a quick sip from his bowl of the aromatic, spicy beef broth that he’d been wanting to finish since a while ago. Before–well, before he suddenly felt like marrying you on the spot. 

A beat passes as you try to piece your boyfriend’s vague statements together. “You.. want me to bury you�� in the soup?” 

“Yep,” He confirms. “I want you to bury me in the soup.” 

“James,” You chuckle. The corners of James’ lips twitch upward like a reflex reaction to the sound. “I am not burying you in hotpot. That’s ridiculous!” 

“I don’t care. I mean, since when am I not ridiculous?” 

You nod your head thoughtfully. “Okay, true.” 

James continues. “It’s just so good that I wanna take it with me to the afterlife. Heck, I think I’m even gonna ask for its hand in marriage right now.”

Way to go, Potter. Real subtle.

He foresees the teasing comment in your smirking lips. This time, he doesn’t know how to feel. On one end of the spectrum, he kind of wants to throw caution to the wind and kiss you until you forget about teasing him altogether. But on the other side, he’s resigned to his fate; and besides, it’s not like he doesn’t enjoy the added attention, anyway. 

“Oh, so you’re just gonna ask for its hand in marriage right now? Is that it?”

“Yes. That’s exactly what I just said.” 

“So what am I to you now?” 

“The love of my life,” James answers in a heartbeat, shrugging nonchalantly as if the answer was common sense. “Why are you asking this?” 

“Well, since you’re marrying this array of—“ You gesture around your table of various dishes of Chinese cuisine, emphasizing the boiling pot of soup in the middle. “—well, our dinner, I figured I must be out of the picture by then.” 

Your boyfriend’s jaw drops, gasping in mock-horror as he clutches his chest dramatically with his hand. You bite your lip to trap the giggles that threaten to erupt from your mouth. 

The two of you continue to tease and play along with each other for the rest of your time at the restaurant then. All the while, James becomes more aware of the little box sitting in his drawer back at home, containing the beautiful diamond ring that he’d bought on the very same day he’d seen it for the first time.

It made him think of you just as quickly as how you, who wordlessly cleaned his glasses for him, made him think of proposing on the spot. 

can i just say that this relationship is the kind that i want 4 myself ,,, fuck 😭 anywayyyyy thank u sm for reading! likes, reblogs, n comments are always appreciated <3

[yae-energy]

╰┈─✩ ˚ ‧ All the ways I love you ‧ ˚

✧˖° synopsis : The Jjk first years and their love languages !

✧˖° cast and crew : Megumi Fushiguro, Yuji Itadori & Nobara Kugisaki x Black Reader < 3

.ᐟ content warnings : General tomfoolery and mushy mush cause FUCK THE MANGA.

⤑ .𖥔 ݁ ˖ authors note : It’s been actual decades since I’ve posted any form of writing….I feel so unseasoned LMAO. This is just a quick lil hc post, nun crazyyy 😽

—

Megumi “I’ll do it” Fushiguro : Acts of Service king.

Now one thing about Megumi??? He’s gonna hit you with the “I got it” EVERY. SINGLE. TIME without fail. Doesn’t matter what time of day, doesn’t matter what he’s doing, he’s gonna make sure you don’t lift a finger for anythinggg.

Is he gonna complain whilst doing it? Of course.

But that’s just true Megumi fashion. It doesn’t mean he ACTUALLY hates doing things for you. Whether that be grabbing you snacks or completing mundane tasks for you such as carrying your bag or opening doors for you, HES GONNA DO IT EVERY TIME. You don’t even have to ask.

Def brings a “if he wanted to he would” typa vibe to the relationship and obviously you appreciate it ten fold (despite the tough guy act he tries and subsequently fails to put on. He loves him some you.) And what better way can he show that than through actions?

They speak louder than words, right?

—

Yuji “I love you” Itadori : Words of Affirmation goat

Ok y’all listen here, this boy is a certified yapper through and mf through. ESPECIALLY when it comes to you.

He will never fail to let you— or anyone for that matter, know just how much he loves you and appreciates your presence. You’re like some sort of higher being to him, the best thing since sliced bread if you will.

All day everyday he’s spouting all sorts of “I love you” and “I’m so lucky to have you 🥲” and he’s gonna get emotional EVERY TIME. Like he won some sort of award (the prize being you of course.) And that doesn’t even include the impromptu monologues about how you’ve changed him for the better, and how glad he is to even have someone as amazing as you.

He loves you REAL BAD, why wouldn’t he tell you?

He’d scream it from the rooftops if he could.

—

Nobara “Look what I got you” Kugisaki : Gift giving queen

Now, I personally consider Nobara to be a mixture of quality time and gift giving, but I’m leaning more with the latter because damn is she a great gifter.

Not only does she love spending money (me too girl, me too.) But, she LOVESSSSS you. Two birds with one stone she’d say, because she loves having an excuse to drop a couple dollars and make you happy in the process.

If she sees you eyeing something while window shopping? It’s yours automatically— whether you actually intended to buy it or not. She’s not good with the whole “lovey dovey” schtick, that’s just not her style. But to make up for it, she makes sure that you have whatever you want when you want it, even if you express she doesn’t HAVE to.

SHE WANTS TO, and you can’t tell her otherwise.

⤑ .𖥔 ݁ ˖ tags : - @morosis-haze @jogeto @mypimpademia @ivanari @planetlunaa @cosmiles @milesmolasses @chinieh @romiantic @stqrriichiigo

if you wish to be tagged in any future works, here’s my tag form to fill out <33

if you wish to submit a request, here’s my ask box :)

⤑ .𖥔 ݁ ˖ closing notes : hey guys…ahahaha…

LOOK IK I SAID I WAS GONNA POST A MONTH AGO BUT LIFE WAS LIFING LMAOOO

I also got a new job now so I won’t have AS much time to post and be silly on here (not that I was super active before but yk.)

Anyhow, thanks for reading and putting up with my lying ass 😕🫶🏽

Love y’all BOOTS DOWN

Mwah 💋

- Xoxo, Yves

[fashionteahouse]

May I request a Seth x reader but she didn’t accept the imprint yet… what would happen?? On my period and depressed so happy ending pls 😂😂 or Quil!

Thanks!

u sure can ! hope you enjoy :)

you’re not the one - seth x reader

Things were just normal 24 hours ago. An innocent visit to a childhood friend wasn’t so innocent. Staring at the grass, you focused on breathing. Autumn’s crisp wind was raising goosebumps on your skin. At least that’s what you thought caused the goosebumps. Blinking more times than necessary, you were convinced that you were in dreamland and none of this was actually real.

Dropping his hot hand that was tight around yours, you step back from him. He takes a step closer. Seeing the despair and confusion on your face, he wanted so badly to change the emotion that leaked out of your soul.

You couldn’t look at his face. Looking at his face turned your world upside down.

“I gotta go.” You tell him, briskly walking away from the situation at hand.

“But wait- Y/N!” Seth started but your back was all that he could see.

Your breaths were uneasy as you held your arms crossed, making your way out of the woods and back to the Clearwater residence. You just wanted to go home.

You locked the door to the spare room that was provided to you for your visit. Grabbing your duffle bag, you stuffed your belongings in it.

Looking down at your engagement ring, it only reminded you of the challenge you were currently faced with.

A soft knock is summoned as you flick a tear away.

“Come in.” you say, trying to keep your voice light. Forgetting you locked it, you move to unlock it.

“I’m just heading to- you’re packing?” Leah says but freezes as she sees the drawers open and clothes stuffed back into your luggage.

“I’m going to a hotel until my flight.” you tell her.

“Why? You’re only going to spend unnecessary money.” Leah says, her tone letting you know that what you were thinking was foolish.

“I just want to go home.” you say with your eyes closed as you slump down on the bed.

“You just got here yesterday.” Leah says, sitting next you. Her confusion was almost as strong as yours. Almost.

You choose not to say nothing as you lean and place your forearms on your knees.

A hand rubs your back in circles, “What’s going on?” Leah then asks.

“Seth told me…everything.” you say slowly.

Leah chose not to say anything as she waited for you to speak some more.

“You don’t know how much of this will change my life. I have somebody waiting for me back at home.” You tell her. She looks down immediately at the ring that stuck out like an ugly sore.

She lets you pack the remainder of your things, but made you promise that you would come back tomorrow.

“If it’s to say goodbye, I will.” you tell her and leave at that.

Sitting in the hotel room, you sat on the phone as your fiancé talks about how he had to eat quick dinners that night. You chuckled here and there as you half listened to him speak on the other end of the line.

“So, what did you do today? How’s your buddy Seth?” he says.

You rise from your hotel bed as your heart thudded to the point you could hear it in your ears.

You swallow before speaking, “He’s good…He changed a bit since the last time I saw him.”

“Finally towers over you, huh?” your fiancé says to you.

“Yeah. He’s super tall now.” you tell him as you squint your eyes.

Your fiancé tinkers a laugh before saying, “Well, I won’t hold you. It’s getting late and good night. I love you.”

“I love you too.” you whisper before pressing to end the call.

You didn’t get a chance to sleep in, Leah blew your phone up. At first, you let it ring, hoping she would give up the fact that you would answer. Wrong.

You answer, not hiding your irritation. “What, Leah.”

“You can’t just avoid Seth. You have to tell him whether or not you accept the imprint.” Leah says.

“I’m not coming over.” you tell her.

“You promised.” Leah says, snapping a bit.

“Yeah, to say goodbye.”

“Fine. If you’re going to be like that,” she then without your knowledge pressed the speaker button so Seth could clearly hear as well, “What are you going to do? You left him with no answers.”

“I don’t accept. I just can’t.” you say and once the other end was silent, you then chose to hang up.

You couldn’t even fall back to sleep. There was a slow sharp pain that was forming deep in your chest. You took a hand to message it out but it wouldn’t go away.

You whimpered a bit as the pain escalated. Even though you didn’t want to get out of bed, you threw on some clothes as you made your way back to the Clearwater’s home.

Something deep in your soul told you to go there. What you didn’t know, Seth was in agony. Seth left out, phasing to wallow in his painful thoughts. Not caring if he’s alone or not, his thoughts poured out like a waterfall.

“She doesn’t want me.”

“I’m damaged goods.”

“I don’t accept. I just can’t.” He replayed your words to solidify his point.

Leah opens the door before your raised knuckle could knock. Her face was hardened, feeling sorrow for her little brother.

“Leah, I’m sorry. I’m getting married soon and you know this.” you tell her as you move into the house.

Your head and eyes moved about to look for Seth. Knowing this, Leah pushed the door closed as she crossed her arms.

“Seth left. He’s hurt, Y/N.”

“I can’t drop everything.” you tell her, wanting her to understand.

“You can’t shut him out completely. He can still be there for you.”

“It will transpire into something more.” you say.

As children, Seth was your first crush. You never said anything, due to not wanting to lose him forever. The love for him will always be there. You just couldn’t let your fiancé go without any explanation. You were in love with him. You were sure of it.

“If it does, it does. Your fiancé’s feelings could change any day now. Seth’s feelings won’t change. They can’t change.”

“So, you want him to settle with me because he has no choice but to?”

“Oh my god!” Leah says feeling frustrated, rolling her eyes to the ceiling, “The whole point of imprinting is to speed up the soulmate process. If not now, you two were eventually going to be together in the future.”

You stare down at the wooden floor, at a battle with your mind and heart. It would be nice to have someone there at your side forever who would be there for you no matter what.

As your eyes look at Leah’s face, watching you, the door swings open. You turn, noticing that the pain in your chest is relieved.

The look on his face shattered your heart. You almost wanted to cry by how torn he looked. Absolutely heartbreaking.

Moving your body to him, he steps back. Hurt hit you hard.

“Seth?” you call to him in a small voice.

“You didn’t have to come here to tell me you don’t accept to my face. I heard you loud and clear the first time.”

“Seth, I’m sorry. Please let’s…Let’s just talk.” you say to him softly.

“I get it. You’re getting married. I won’t get in the way of that.” he says and goes right up the stairs.

You turn to Leah. Her face never softened. She jerks her head up the stairs.

Knocking on his closed door, he says that you can come in.

His eyes never leave his floor. You bend and give him a hug as he slumped over the edge of his bed. This Seth and the happy go lucky Seth that you knew him to be, was like night and day.

Clutching him tight, you whisper, “I shouldn’t have ran off like that. I shouldn’t have been so rude. I’m overwhelmed.”

“Just say, ‘You’re not the one, Seth’ ” he says in a quiet tone.

Pulling back, his eyes still don’t meet yours.

“It’s always been you.” you say, a tear sneaks out of the corner of your eye, “Even when we were younger.”

His eyes finally look to find yours. His eyebrows furrow in such perplexity.

“But…You’re fiancé-“

“I couldn’t say anything or else it would’ve ruined our friendship. You’re my best friend and I don’t want to lose you.” you say, you then huff, “I just don’t know how to break it off with him. He will think I cheated.”

Seth pulls you down next to him on the bed as he angled the front of his body to you. Taking a hand in his, “I promise you don’t have to rush. I told you I will be anything you need me to be. Brother, friend, protector…” he says.

You nod.

“Did you feel…The pain in your chest too?” Seth then ask as a hand goes to the same spot you felt pain earlier.

“Yes.” you say quietly.

Letting him hold your hand, you decide to give him the grace of making up your mind. Actually choosing what your heart desires.

“I will accept-“

“You don’t have to accept it because of how I’m feeling.” Seth says.

Meeting his eyes, showing him that you mean what you’re saying, “No. I want to accept.” You then look down and huff out a breath, “It’s just surprising. I need you in my life.”

Seth understands. He pulls you into a tight hug. You clutch onto him back. You both didn’t want to lose each other. He would wait for you, as long as you needed. As long as his heart was still beating.

[milgram-tournament]

MILGRAM Best Song Tournament, Round 2, Match 1 WEAKNESS vs. THE PURGE MARCH

Propaganda for both options under the cut!

Propaganda for WEAKNESS:

"This is definitely more of a personal anecdote. However, I’m neurodivergent (like Haruka) and struggle with knowing it causes quite a bit of disappointment for my mother. I cry about it a lot. But I find that putting on Weakness is soothing for me. Knowing that there’s a character out there with the same issues…. I don’t know. Just my experience."

---

"why weakness should win over umbilical: - THE SINGING THE HIGH NOTES - this song set the tone to what to expect for the trial songs to come (or what we expected) - the part where the song gets all slow paced and then picks up louder at the end it just done beautifully - it's haruka. - the singing sounds like a mix between of course singing and crying. the 'AHahA' sounds like manic laughing until the end when he's crying and it almost feels like he's sobbing while laughing. - the guitar and the drums complement his soft/sad-ish voice perfectly, especially at the beginning - very emotional, even if you didn't see the music video you can tell he's crying and mentally unwell I'm bad a propaganda, but vote for WEAKNESS!!!!"

Propaganda for THE PURGE MARCH:

"Despite the shorter length, the Purge March has several distinct sections in its structure.

It starts with a rolloff, and then… they don’t follow it. Amane isn’t here to follow the beat.

There’s the spoken-word intro and the upbeat first verse listing the tenets. The prechorus (“dou shiyou mo nai…”) has an amen break. The most-sampled four-bar drum beat. Well, there’s half of it. Is it supposed to mean something? Can I get an amen?

The chorus is so, so cheerful… unless you’re actually listening to the lyrics (“I’ll crush your throat too”) or watching the video. And it’s super catchy. 

The second part of the verse dials things back. Now we’re in reality. This is how Amane breaks her tenets. All the while, those tenets are spoken into both ears over the singing. Get some good headphones. She sounds different in each ear.

The music picks up again with the amen break as Amane happily strolls back home, and then-

Oh.

The somber second chorus, with Amane’s lower singing voice and mournful spoken words, leads into the final chorus, with new lyrics and a more forceful tone. The once-meaningless chanting now has real words. “You’re sorry? I don’t care! Please go ahead and die already.” You can hear Amane’s anger despite the cheerful melody. She harmonizes in the final phrase, as if to say “we’re in this together, me and my little color guard troop.” And finally, it’s just her. Speaking. "Oboetemasuka?" Accompanied by only a single drum.

She is both Amane Momose and not. She upholds the doctrines that she was raised with, but she can’t."

---

"Purge March is geniunaly one of my favorite pieces of fiction both in and out of the context of trauma. Its fantastically directed and composed. The batton twirling is spetacular and energetic, the set and character design of Amane conveys a lot about the world she’s in and the story she’s telling. Purge March contextulizes a lot of Magic in both expected and unexpected ways (insert the entire cat symbolism thesis here) Purge March casts Amane in the role of a scary child. The glowing eyes, the framing of Amane as Above the viewer, the brutality and catharsis of it all. It seems tailored made to make you Scared of her. It’s a continuation of the cycle of abuse that we the audience repeated in T1 when we gave her that verdict. A red flashing warning sign about the Inhumanity and Monsterous qualities of Amane Momose. But Amane as a monster is fufilling and freeing. Again, its deeply cathartic. I would write more if I wasnt so sleepy at the moment but its just some Fantastic work overall. Purge March is also just fantasitic vocally and also hids electricity sounds in the instrumental which I think is evil and awesome."

---

-Amane’s vocals and how they slowly get more and more off the deep end is both really sad and cool to watch.

-The symbolism of the marching band and the flags. Ifykyk

-The beginning where it sounds like a propaganda TV show… really shows just how far Amane’s thinking is rooted in her cult and how that’s shaped her perception.

-The LYRICS. They work so well but it’s also creepy AF considering it’s a child who’s singing it.

-“So there is no second time, I’ll give back the judgment that you gave to me!”

-The overlapping part… gives me chills everytime.

-Building off the last point, the last “I’ll crush your throat too.” Ouch.

-“Remember MY cries, MY repents, MY words of “I’m sorry” that I said to you?”

-The song also does a great job of showing how much the guilty verdict messed with her.

[campbyler]

mmm what the fuck?

how am i supposed to live like a normal functioning person after experiencing the full range of human and Inhuman emotions?

thea i love u i promise but i also want to kill u in the most cruel way possible.

i was trying to read 32k words one hour before the work and failed Miserably 😭 i only get through driving lesson part. can u believe i had to do actual work the entire day instead of reading my gay fanfiction? 💔heartbreaking misogynistic And homophobic if u ask me.

anyway. i know im going to forget something. it always happens and then im too shy to send other asks so let hope it doesn’t happen this time.

driving lesson.

don’t worry about ur manual transmission description. i’ve changed three instructors in the span of year and a half and all three of them told me different things. i didn’t notice any Big Serious issues that would be at odds with driving mechanic.

to the other news. will sucks 😭😭 not his fault Obviously. he’s naturally anxious and tbh mike didn’t give him any hints about how to feel when the car is ready to go. not mikes fault too. i bet he doesn’t even think about this little thing anymore (and cause u don’t know about them either. which is ok don’t worry about it. u probably just need to experience it ti fully understand). i was so happy when will finally manage to get the car going 😭😭 i probably called him baby too.

and then i literally passed out when i saw the mike called Him baby?? first will’s brain in denial made me questioning was it really for him or for the car. cause mike Loves that car i wouldn’t be surprised if he really call it baby from time to time. but then i remembered that we know how mike feels thanks god and i became like 85% sure that it was for will. (i also Run to check playlist right after this line. yeah i found “king of my heart” there. u make the impossible possible cause why am i listening to two of my least favorite reputation songs and genuinely enjoy them?)

i mentally add the keychains to the list of things we need to know more about. but i think it’s cute that they both not only save them but also use them almost daily. and they both choose car keys to hang the keychains on. dare i say soulmates.

*two weeks later*

also i think it’s funny they consider each other hot while driving.

and of course mike is obsessed with old expensive cars!!

are the malls in the us exactly dying? my office building is near the mall and i can guarantee u that in my country they r super alive.

ok i might be wrong but i think that the deleted scene is from bookstore part idk.

i think it’s cute that they trust each other enough to allow to choose as significant item as journals concerning that they really picky about them.

and i loved that mike blushed over a simple kiss 🫶🏻🫶🏻

(i feel like i want to catch up on everything and it’s killing me cause i write down one thing and immediately remember the other 😭)

THEY WERE SO BOYFRIENDS IN DINER!!! i don’t think i will ever recover from how cute they r and how much they actually like each other (and how single i am. as the classic said “when someone will prey on my neurodivergency….” and so on and so forth). i love that everyone can see it and im obsessed that boys don’t even want to deny it. i think a lot about the fact that mike said that they middle school sweethearts like he regrets about the missed opportunities (but also he doesn’t regret cause the thing they have now (at this exact moment. cause i still have bad feeling) is like that Because of years of semi-friendship and rivalry and unsaid confessions).

and i think even more about the fact that mike didn’t want to talk about his pretentious ivy league college. squinting so hard and taking a lot of notes (in fact writing paragraphs of analysis to my friends who has no idea what acswy).

the photobooth scene!!! omg i can’t believe u almost deleted it all??? suni is our hero! lots of hugs and kisses and thanks to them!!

i can’t believe mike talked about showing pictures to their friends in one minute and literally kissing will on them in the other. i love them they r so silly and in love and can’t get enough of each other. u can feel how close they become and that the air is thick with the newfound (and rediscovered) feelings. and they can’t live without touching and the hold hands constantly!!! all day long!!! and it’s not enough!!! and oh. i think it wasn’t the last time we saw pictures (squinting even harder).

the way max immediately cut the bullshit and asked about swearshirt. i need to know what lucas wrote to mike.

he likes him!!!

i love the difference between mikes “i know i like him but i won’t do anything about it” and wills “i need to kiss him to death right now!”

and the kiss on the backseat of mikes stupid mustang!! we were all waiting for it!

i think i reread and memorized the last part and in still shaking whenever i think about “nervous” part. mike makes will nervous!! and he makes him shake and do stupid stuff like kissing and blushing and thinking to add heart next to his name and call him his boyfriend!!! omg!!

“I’ve got you, baby” WHO WILL GET ME??? im the one who is going insane??? it’s so tender. my boys 💔💔💔

(the second time. my eyes r hurting from squinting that much. and i feel like we’ll have “el’s not stupid” kind of scene in the flashbacks)

this character hits so hard!! i’ve never doubted any of u but i can see why this one is one of ur favorite thea!

thank u so much for ur hard work. if i could draw i would to the whole ass animation of this chapter (and any other too).

love u. thank u for reading all this rambling

mmm what the fuck is RIGHT alya bc this is how i feel every time i read one of ur lovely essay comments. bc whaqt the fuck. why do u want me to CRY ALL THE TIME. (i guess it's fair considering we are making u cry with the fic itself but still . Rude)

you are so real for trying to read 32k in one hour and also so me . rly fucked up and cruel that you would have to work (even tho u threatened to murder me)...i hope you are freed from these perils Soon. don't ever be too shy to send more asks tho every ask from you is a BLESSING and a TREAT!!! EVEN WHENTHEY ARE LACED W THREATS!!!!!!!!!!!! and also tysm for validating my manual driving lesson description bc fr every video i watched was different and i was so stressed but it's FINE. ALYA SIGNED OFF ON IT SO NO ONE ELSE MATTERS!!!!!!!!!!!!! DEAL W IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!! will Does suck and that's one thing we can all agree on 💗💗💗 i was going to include a bit about likee what the engine Sounds like bc i know it sounds different when you're ready to switch gears but honest tbhly the driving scene alone is like 12k and i was super losing steam by the time i thought of it so i didn't <3 he is def a baby and mike def refers to his car as baby so he is right to be confused. but it WAS for him!! we actually aren't 100% sure of mike's feelings Yet (ch08 is meant to be the precipice of a realization, not an actual one) but obviously . we do have a pretty good idea of how he does feel. teehee. also i am glad you are enjoying komh now bc wtf......how is it one of your least faves................i support you but i am also judging u a little alya .

i think keychains will be included in one of the companions :o) also OBVIOUSLY they find each other hot while driving. they're both annoying and down bad 🙄🙄

malls here are super dying!! i think the only ones that aren't are ones in Major Cities (there's two nearby me that are pretty popular, but the other ones are mostly closed, and it's definitely been a phenomenon in the us over the last few years thanks to online shopping)!! the deleted scene is actually from the driving scene, but the bookstore scene Feels shorter bc i was truly at the point where i had nothing left to give when writing it (it was the last part of ch09 to be written), so it definitely suffered from that. if we ever do Huge post-mortem edits once acswy is over, i might go back and add to it, or write a deleted-scene-type companion, but tht's the tea w the bookstore scene <3

the diner scene was SOOOO fun to write and it had me blushing frfr. i answered this in another ask but the middle school sweethearts comment was Definitely the most insane thing that i thought of for this chapter and to me it was for sure the nail in the coffin for will of like damn. ok. he's Serious abt this. bc i think with their #history that will has trouble admitting even to himself that he likes mike, and so he'd need to feel pretty certain of how mike feels first, and after processing the middle school sweethearts comment later in the car that's what made him realize like oh damn. i Do like him. SO MUCH. and we all nodded and patted his back and said yeah baby we know. but what you described mike thinking is absolutely exactly how he feels 💗 very reminiscent and wistful, even.

LOL LITERALLY THIS HAS BEEN A UNANIMOUS COMMENT ACROSS THE BOARD OF "THANK GOD FOR SUNI" (INCLUDING MYSELF). to Explain the way i was feeling about it -- i did not initially mean to have that be a Spicy make out moment! it was supposed to read more along the lines of the thrift store scene, or even the kiss after will finished driving the mustang, so very sweet and soft and Romantic. it just didn't come out that way once i was actually writing it, and so i was nervous that i was toeing the line too heavily, or tht it was out of place with the rest of the vibe i had constructed for the chapter. a combination of suni (and abby, who got early access and acted as our second beta) being adamant that it Did fit and worked well, and me being too pressed for time/not having enough energy to rewrite that saved it from the deleted scene graveyard <3 thank god fr. they are both so fucking stupid.

the entiiiiire realization scene up from will realizing he likes mike to the very end of the chapter is my favorite thing that i have ever written i think 💗 i am just so happy with the way it turned out, especially with it being at the point in the fic that it's at!! it felt rly right for will :') also mike calling him baby!!! that was such a last minute decision but i'm so glad i went for it!! the original line was "i've got you, yeah?" but baby hit So much harder so shout out to editing thea for making that change 🤸 will wants to add a heart next to mike's name in his phone SOOOO BAD!!! WHEN WILL HE GET TO!!!!!!!!!!!

your second ask SO TRUE SO REAL. TEEHEE AND MWAHA AND SO ON AND SO FORTH. also you're so right jonathan is so fucked up for stealing steve from will like that 🙄

tytyty as always for your novel length comment alya 💗 really and genuinely and truthfully the thought of getting to read ur reactions is one of the most exciting parts of uploading a chapter!! i eagerly await all of ur other reactions <3333

[stvnszlr]

HI! Here to beg u for Steven adhd headcanons

Pls i promise i'll be good this year.

oh my goodness … so um this is something i am like way too passionate about !! im going to seem like the craziest crazy person EVER by sharing this cuz i wrote .… a lot but u guys gotta stick with me okay you’ll see the vision

THANK YOU for asking this btw ! this is one of the things that makes me relate to steven the most ,,>_<,, and i will literally talk abt it anytime

☆ steven adhd hc’s / reasons why i think it’s possible he has adhd ! ☆ ( coming from someone who has a severe combined type adhd diagnosis )

please note this is all just speculation !! i’ve noticed some connections between his behavior / things he’s spoken about and adhd symptoms , but i am certainly no doctor and the only one who can truly determine any of this is steven himself . these observations are mostly just for my comfort as a neurodivergent person :)

ohhh stevie is a BIG stimmer :) he taps on everything in sight , he also hums a lot and likes to move his body ! bouncing , jumping , flapping , shaking , jiggling , playing with his hair ( i have video evidence sue me >:( )

people often describe him as “twitchy” , randomly making odd movements or sounds that can surprise and confuse those around him

vocal stims , dude . like my man is a parrot he’ll repeat random phrases over and over without thinking about it , just going about his day mumbling the most obscure sentences without even realizing

i’ve also noticed from watching videos he has a big BIG tendency to repeat things other people say !! i think that’s a combo of vocal stimming and also struggling to fit in when making conversation

he has literally confessed to having sensory issues related to taste and texture ??!?!? so i imagine he has them with other things too it’s mostly touch or sound related things that really get to him and can cause overwhelm but honestly anything that catches him at the right time will have him retreating inside himself and blocking everything out , unable to respond cuz he can’t think or listen

also seems to struggle with clothes touching his body ! he is always in loose tank tops and wears a lot of cropped pants / shorts , and has never really worn a lot of accessories unlike his bandmates . this could definitely be attributed to sensory issues , especially hating the feeling of wearing jewelry ( rings especially ) and also makeup on his face

drums !!! poppy loves drumming , it is SUCH a good stimulant for his brain cuz it works muscle memory , gives a dopamine rush , and combines both creative thought with an athletic activity

hyperfixations oh my god he is so bad . so so bad . he’ll pick up something for like a few weeks and dedicate EVERYTHING to it just to never pick it up again

very typical hyperactive type adhd , trouble focusing and sitting still OH MY GOD this man cannot sit normally for the life of him

um hyperfocus also !! drums is prolly his biggest one but if it’s something he’s super tuned into he can just . sit there and mindlessly work on it for HOURS before someone notices and is like hello take a break ??

didn’t like school cuz he always felt like he wasn’t smart , he was actually really interested by some subjects but just couldn’t keep up as a student :/ he also started getting into skating and music which were much better dopamine activities than school so he kinda just . quit ?

part of why his mom kicked him out so young , he was impulsive and reckless and very VERY high energy , easily irritated and his emotions had no filter / couldn’t control them or his actions based on them

this poor kid is so forgetful . he really cannot remember shit and it gets him in trouble a lot ! he’s gotta be reminded by the guys about EVERYTHING and it annoys them to no end , and steven always feels bad cause he wishes he could remember , but for some reason he forgets every time !

it’s where his irritability comes from too , he sometimes flips like a switch and can get really defensive and aggressive . he’ll lash out and turn really angry — not in a super serious way , but it’s the reason he gets in so many little fights with all the other guys , especially axl .

this is also tied in with the rlly strong sense of justice that neurodivergent people feel !! the reason he’d stand up and talk back when everyone else could just let it go

easier to fall into addiction and harder to get out of it . places a vice on his brain , trapping him in dependency on the drugs and making it so much more difficult to quit — why it took him so much longer to get sober than any of the others , even after all his health scares

drugs are also a coping mechanism for sensory issues and that awful , isolating feeling of being built just slightly different than everyone else

UM ???? LIKE EVERYTHING ABOUT STEVEN POST GNR + LEAVING THE BAND IS JUST SCREAMING RSD ??? like the abandonment issues built up from his childhood ON TOP of being insanely sensitive to disappointing others / feeling unwanted ?? yeah i fucking understand why he couldn’t let go of it for almost twenty years of his life that’s like the worst possible thing to go through as someone hypersensitive to feelings of rejection bro . oh my god .

rsd also attributes to him being really eager to please especially with friends , and trying to talk himself up and seem cool and on their level and worth keeping around :(

i do also think it is likely that he learned to mask a LOT of his symptoms , of course not all of them ( as we can pretty obviously see in like . any video ever taken of him ) but a lot of the less socially acceptable ones he naturally forced himself to hide :( 

[jjtheresidentbaby]

Little Spencer ‘Spider’ White headcanons

♡ attached to day 6 moodboard for fictionalagerechallange

notes: I ignored canon for a minute so I can do whatever I want — also this more so turned into me rambling about a fic idea I have in form of bullet points hshjsj

warnings: set in a classification au, talk of underage drinking/smoking weed, spider being insecure about his regression, swearing, his parents aren’t great, just angst tw

talk about repression. god he wouldn’t know what healthy coping is if it slapped him in the face

so so insecure about being a little to the point that he just doesn’t tell anyone — yeah this backfires…

has this whole “system” where he forces himself not to regress (even if he really needs to) until he’s alone and 100% sure that nobody’s going to bother him or risk anyone finding out

even Ant & Dusty don’t know for a while

because it all comes crashing down — as does most genius ideas Spencer gets tbh, he’s horrible at good decisions okay

but back to before anyone else finds out — his regression is kept to time alone in his room, maybe a kids movie going if he can convince himself that it won’t be the end of the world to allow himself some comfort

him hating the fact that he’s a little definitely bleeds into the times he’s actually regressed, he has a hard time relaxing fully, refuses to buy himself any little gear aside from what he already has, just lacking proper self care even more than normal

his regression is super emotional and taxing for him, which means he avoids it even more

can not stand when people make jokes about him possibly being a little — and everyone knows it so ofc they do it more

takes to drinking and smoking weed a lot heavier once he gets his classification and is hit with all that insecurity

the only backfire of this is that occasionally if he smokes too much he’ll start to slip and have to make up some excuse to either go home or drink enough to get blackout drunk and distract his mind

panics anytime another little is around him and asks him to play or really anything — people usually assume he’s just a neutral that has no idea what he’s doing

promptly ignores any speeches or comments in media or told at school about how important it is for littles to regress regularly and how not regressing can cause serious harm

he’s fine. definitely fine.

until he’s not and something happens and he’s suddenly involuntarily slipping into little space about to go into a panic attack because he’s around people and can’t leave

whoever finds him in that state deserves a gold star for weeding through his cries and mumbles to figure out what the hells going on

so sooooo resistant to having a caregiver around once he’s found out — still denies he’s a little, while he’s regressed, because yeah that’ll totally work

eventually Malakai & Amerie get him to talk about it, cause he lowkey can’t say no to either of them and they’re the most coaxing patient cg’s ever

they’re downright horrified when they find out how long he’s been going without regressing and how badly he’s been taking care of himself

Malakai almost cries seeing the pathetic 1 pacifier & sippy cup & 2 stuffed animals that Spider thinks suffices as enough little gear

the whole SLT’s group is equally as taken back by this information and promptly go on an online shopping spree to get Spider some new/better little gear

he doesn’t talk much while he’s regressed, falling more towards the baby space side of regression

clings to anyone that’ll let him once he gets over the whole ‘nah I don’t need a cg’ thing that goes on for a while

really likes sitting with Quinni and listening to her talk about Angeline of the Underworld lore — he might not understand it but he likes hearing her talk and she always has fun stickers/makeup on or little clips in her hair that he likes

has apologized a million times over for everything that he did — he’s been throughly assured that it’s okay and he’s forgiven but he still catches himself apologizing again

even once the group finds out he’s a little and he gets more comfortable in his classification there’s still times he doesn’t regress when he should or still falls into the feeling of being insecure about his regression

horrible at communicating things when small

has sat through entire conversations about Big topics™️ while small and only said something when someone asked his opinion on it — every cg in the group has tried to talk him out of the habit, it doesn’t work

practically every person he ever “hated” while big becomes his new favorite person when he’s small — he gets throughly teased for this

Sasha reluctantly lets him sit with her while she plans out whatever protest she’s going to be a part of — she’d never say it but she doesn’t find Spider that bad when he’s regressed

Harper also falls into the reluctant cg status when Spider’s small

Quinni would too if she wasn’t so forgiving and sweet, she could never be reluctant about taking care of anyone and yeah that includes Spider

Darren hates this. But they don’t take it out on Spider when he’s small as they aren’t mean but it’s definitely known when he’s big

his parents suck for a plethora of reasons but especially once he gets his classification — he doesn’t talk about it often or even acknowledge that his home life isn’t great, but sometimes when he’s regressed he’ll get triggered into crying fits over what his parents have said/done

the SLT’s group hate his parents. all of them.

if he can help it, he won’t be at home and will go to a caregivers house or find some activity to do

Ant’s parents also suck so they spend a lot of time at Malakai’s together

if Spider’s regressed and Ant’s around it is pure chaos, absolute madness, the caregivers of the group have to reign them in all the time

Malakai & Amerie are definitely Spider’s favorite caregivers and he’s shameless about it. nobody’s really surprised tho

he also clings to Dusty quite a bit

[armandjolras]

This will be rambly and overly personal, but ive been wanting to talk about Fosca as chronic illness representation, and why the musical version of her is especially relatable in this sense.

(I also haven’t read the book, so maybe some changes im attributing to the musical are from the book)

In the movie, Fosca’s illness almost seems an extension of her ugliness, meant to horrify the viewer. Ugliness takes focus as her main burden; we’re told that she was shunned for her looks as a child and are shown many jumpscare shots of her face. Sickness is merely a consequence of ugliness. When not acutely ill, she seems quite healthy, even energetic. (Obviously having seizures is a very serious illness in real life, i just mean the way it’s presented in the movie).

Most interesting to me, she doesn’t seem depressed at all; she’s quite upbeat and witty. Her manipulative toxicity in the movie doesn’t come from depression, but rather because she’s never been treated as a woman due to being an outcast, so she doesn’t feel she has to adhere to the decorum of one.

In the musical, I see Fosca’s illness as being much more than just an extension of being ugly. It appears to affect her continuously between acute episodes, and she moves wearily as if fighting pain and discomfort at every moment. While suffering over ugliness still caused her illness in this version, that ugliness is not as emphasised. We’re told that her parents loved her rather than shunning her, so she wasn’t an outcast, and she’s depicted as more pathetic spinster than scary Nosferatu.

She is also clearly depressed. In my opinion, her toxic behaviour comes not from flouting social norms, but from the desperation of depression. Maybe others also relate to being depressed and behaving badly as a cry for help, unable to stop despite knowing you’re being toxic, because you need acknowledgment from people. I see Fosca’s behaviour this way. Georgio is the first person who is nice to her, so she physically can’t stop trying to extract love from him by any means, even when she admits she’s in the wrong.

I relate to Fosca strongly in this. Since 2020 I’ve struggled with multiple chronic illnesses which have limited my physical abilities; today I cant even sit upright for more than 15 minutes, some days less. Since I dont have any family or friends in the country where I’m living, and went through diagnosis and surgery alone mid Covid, at times I’ve felt very isolated. In 2022 i could tell I was behaving a lot like Fosca — I didnt do anything super toxic, but I was putting too much emotional burden on my long-distance parents even as I knew I was stressing them out and upsetting them. It felt like such a compulsion, because I was scared and isolated and wanted someone else to know how much I was suffering so I wouldn’t be alone it it. I’m much healthier mentally now, but that took therapy and medication which Fosca doesn’t have. Its a terrible feeling to see your world getting smaller and your dreams becoming less possible, and going through that alone.

I’ve had a lot of frustration towards how my illnesses have limited what I can do, and i have to make an effort not to be resentful towards healthier people. The line “I read about the joys the world / Dispenses to the fortunate / And listen for the echoes” really captures this. “I know how soon a dream becomes an expectation / How can I have expectations?” When your world gets smaller, you have to give up your hopes bit by bit so you dont get hurt. “Look at me / No, captain, look at me / Look at me!” In her desperation she demands his attention, even when she knows she’s being rude and repelling him, she just feels compelled to connect with someone.

I know “I Read” can be interpreted as being about her ugliness rather than of physical illness, and maybe that actually is the correct interpretation. But I’m very convinced that musical Fosca is depressed in a way that movie Fosca is not, and most of her words and actions stem from that. I also believe that by placing less emphasis on her shocking ugliness, it only makes since that a lot of her suffering is due to her physical illness. 

(And I also relate to Fosca’s final letter, where she says that appreciating the beauty in the world around you makes you want to go on living. Being ill has taught me to be much more grateful for small things in life.)

Other disclaimers: I dont mean Fosca’s suffering in the movie is NOT about her illness, in both versions its a combo of ugliness + illness. I just think they’re in different ratios. Also im not trying to be a Fosca apologist, I know shes super toxic and a stalker and essentially an incel, and also super annoying, I just understand her perspective. And finally I do like movie Fosca! Shes iconic I just relate to musical Fosca more.

[ellethespaceunicorn]

Bright Like The Moon: Chapter 4

Chapter 4: We Showed The World That We Exist

Rating: Explicit, 18+, Minors - DNI

Fandom: Night Hunter

Pairing: Walter Marshall x Black!OFC 

Word count: 5.1K

Summary: Kamaria Mansfield is hired at the Minnesota Police Department as an intern. Detective Walter Marshall is overworked and unsatisfied. Takes place post-film.

Chapter Summary: Kamaria and Walter play hooky to deal with unforeseen stressors.

Chapter warnings: panic attack (dissociation episode), oral sex (f receiving), finger fucking, therapy session, squirting 

A/N: Time jumps in this chapter. We’re only skipping a couple of days but it may be a little jarring. But Yada is back!! Un-beta’d, we die like people who tried their best.

Dividers: @firefly-graphics

Support/Reblog banner by me

Cover Art by me

Cross-posted on AO3

Series Masterlist

My Masterlist

Kamaria’s POV

Word has spread like wildfire around the office about me and Walter dating. It didn’t take long at all for news that the grumpy bear of a detective and the new intern are fucking. We actually aren’t even doing that, yet. It’s only been a few days but the rumor mill in the police station is like a damn high school hallway. And I have Nina and Sophie to thank for that.

I swear, no one listens to interns. Like, ever. Unless it is about gossip. And I made friends with the loudest, and the actual kindest, gossipmongers. I know they mean well, they’ve made it clear they are glad that Walter smiles more. I like being the cause of his change of mood, as well.

With everyone aware of our relationship, things are kind of weird. Like, weird around the ex, kind of weird. 

It’s not like Rachel and Walter were super friendly after they decided not to date. Sometimes, and I would never tell Walter this, I feel like he felt for Rachel because she saved his life. A case of transference, perhaps?

But, they at least seemed cordial towards each other. Rachel felt enough of a connection to reach for his hand, the thought still burns in my mind. But Walter and I did have our first kiss after that, so grain of salt, ya know?

Rachel just seems like someone pissed in her oatmeal every time she walks by me. She couldn’t possibly be jealous of me. I don’t get her, honestly. Is it an “if she can’t have him, no one can” thing? Because I wouldn’t have thought she would go for pettiness. Never underestimate a woman on a mission, though. 

Walter and I agree to get to work a bit early so we could hang out in his office until I have to start work. The man may be seen as prickly by most people in the office, but it is like night and day when it comes to me. He can be so thoughtful, and so in tune with my emotions that it can be like he’s reading my mind. Which is both cute and slightly annoying, because I can never hide what I’m feeling. 

Like this morning, for example. My mind has been racing. So many things to think about, from my work to Walter to Rachel to my anxiety about dating openly in the office to what I’m going to choose to talk about in therapy today. And I can’t seem to make it stop or slow down. Which is when I feel a hand on mine. 

I look up to see Walter crouching next to the chair I’m sitting in. I don’t remember sitting down. I barely remember walking into this office.

“There she is,” he says, brushing a hand over my confused brow, “you had me so worried back there.” I notice the fear in his eyes now.

“Sometimes, my anxiety takes over and I just check out,” I mutter, looking around the office, “I remember getting out of my car and kissing you and then nothing until just now.”

“Does this happen a lot?” I hear the tremble in his voice but I don’t mention it.

“Hasn’t happened in months. I can usually sense it before other people can, though. Sort of like a panic attack, but not really because I don’t panic, I just…move? It’s hard to explain,” I ramble on, trying to get my bearings.

“It sounds like your brain is working on autopilot due to stress. I’m no therapist, but I’ve seen how stress can affect people in different ways,” he suggests, holding my hand in his, “I hope I’m not overstepping here, but a new relationship becoming public can be quite stressful. Especially when it’s in a work setting where one person’s ex is also a coworker. It’s no wonder you’re feeling like this.”

“Well, when you put it like that, I can’t deny that it is a lot,” I concede, feeling all sorts of vulnerable.

“You have therapy today around 1, right?” he asks before I nod to confirm, “And where is your therapist’s office?”

“Well, I was going to do it virtually today. But she’s close-ish. Between here and my apartment,” I answer, wondering where this is going.

“I have a suggestion, which you are more than welcome to decline. But, in my head, it sounds like a good id-”

“Baby, you’re babbling,” I laugh, stopping his rant.

“I think you should ask to see your therapist in person. We can take the rest of the day off and I could drive you to the appointment if you’d like,” he urges, “Besides, it’s the weekend. They won’t mind if we skip out a bit early.”

“Skip out early? I didn’t even clock in yet,” I remind him, still thinking about work instead of my mental health. Very typical of me.

“Perfect, then. I still have personal time to use, and you told me you were given some personal time when you signed on, so that covers today. We’ll let your manager know you’re not feeling well on the way out,” he says, moving about his office and collecting his things before realizing I’m yet unmoving, “Fuck! Did I just plan your entire day?”

I smile up at him, adoration in my eyes. “You did, but with the best of intentions,” I comment, standing up from the chair, “You’re right, though. I kinda need the routine of going into the office today and I could use a day off even if it’s only my first week.”

“Look at you, already smiling. I count that as a win,” he hums, reaching for my hand, squeezing as our fingers interlace.

We head out of the station after a short talk with my boss. Tell a man you’re having ‘feminine trouble’ and he all but shoos you out of the building. Thank God for small favors.

Walter heads home after insisting I go home to change clothes and grab whatever I needed to feel comfortable for the rest of the day at his place. Arriving home, I immediately start to pack my overnight bag. I choose to ignore the nagging voice questioning my actions. I might want to stay over or change clothes again for some reason. So, take that, Nag-atha Christie!

I call my therapist’s office and request to come into the office today. I say that my schedule has changed and I would prefer to be seen in the office. The receptionist is super sweet and lets me know she will inform Yada of the change. I hope Yada doesn’t worry. I mean, I’m slightly worried about my little episode earlier but I feel at least a bit better now.

I change into some yoga pants, a loose-fitting top, a hoodie, and some comfy old sneakers. I spot Beary Allen sitting atop my bed and resign to bringing him over to Walter’s house as well. I usually can’t sleep without him so I don’t chastise myself too much for bringing along something for comfort. 

I check my overnight bag to make sure I have everything I need, and some stuff I don’t need but I want to have just in case. And if I reach into my nightstand and grab condoms, then that is my business until it is Walter and I’s business. Not that I plan on doing anything, but I like being prepared for multiple eventualities. In any case, I refuse to let myself feel anything but poised for success. I also refuse to define success, so there’s the end of that.

I hear Walter’s text tone going off in my pocket and pull out my phone.

Walter Marshall: Didn’t change your mind did you, Princess?

Me: Of course not!

Me: I was just making sure I have everything

Me: Including Beary Allen

Me: 😁

Walter Marshall: The…Flash? But like, a bear?

Me: I love that you get exactly what I meant

Me: And you haven’t even met Beary

Walter Marshall: I was right???

Me: You’ll meet him soon

Me: He’s my emotional support animal

Me: I’m leaving now to come to you

You have shared your location.

Me: Now, you can tell where I am at all times

Me: Just as a safety thing

Walter Marshall: Wow ok

Walter Marshall: Thank you for trusting me with this

Me: You’re welcome

Me: Try to act like you didn’t follow my location the entire time I was on my way to your place 😉

Walter Marshall: No promises

I’m already back in my car by the time his text comes through, I know he’s gonna follow me the whole way to his house. It’s honestly adorable. I can tell he misses me when I’m not around. He likes me, and I like him too. It doesn’t take me long to get to his house and he’s standing outside when I park in the driveway.

“You failed to play it cool, Detective,” I laugh, grabbing my overnight bag and Beary from the passenger seat before exiting my car.

“I never promised to play it cool,” he smiles, reaching out to take my overnight bag from me, “Hmm, planning on staying a bit?” 

“I figured it would be best to be prepared,” I propose, clutching onto Beary, secretly glad that Walter didn’t offer to take him as well. No one has ever touched Beary besides me.

“May I address Mr. Allen directly? Or does he only speak with you?” he poses the question completely seriously.

It takes every ounce of my resolve not to melt. “You may address him directly.”

“Mr. Allen, may I call you Beary?” he waits for a response, “I just want you to know I plan on taking care of Kam during her stay here, however long that may be…Yes, of course…I wouldn’t dream of it. So we have an understanding. Shake on it?” He reaches out and shakes Beary’s tiny paw, winking at me as he pulls his hand back. If he’s not careful, I will fall so fucking hard for this man.

Walter takes my hand, kisses it gently, and brings me inside. I start to lean down to remove my shoes, but he stops me and kneels to do it himself.

“You don’t have to-” I start, before being cut off.

“I know I don’t have to, Princess,” he agrees, placing my shoes next to his, “but I want to take care of you today, so allow me to do so, please?”

I open my mouth to protest, but a stern look from Walter makes me rethink that choice and only nod.

“Good girl,” he praises, standing up to hover over me, “I know it must be hard to let someone take care of you, but since I’ve taken on that role, I plan on not having you lift a finger if I can help it. Sorry, not sorry.”

“That’s some Prince Charming shit right there,” I blurt out, there goes my filter flying away in the wind again. Luckily, Walter just laughs at that and kisses my forehead. 

We end up hanging out around his house for a few hours, having far too many snacks and too much coffee. What can I say, we’re both caffeine addicts and snack goblins. The only reason I ignore the voice telling me I’ve had enough snacks is the fact that Walter is hand-feeding me pieces of fruit. He was not kidding about me not lifting a finger. I could get used to this.

Before long, Walter is helping me put my shoes on so that we can head to my therapist appointment. He opens his truck door for me and even buckles me in, shooing my hands away. Holding my hand as he drives, he allows me to pick the music we listen to. When I joke ‘but I thought the driver picks the music and shotgun shuts his cakehole’, he has no clue what I’m talking about. I explain it away as a tv show reference, making sure to force him to watch Supernatural with me at some point.

As The Amazing Devil’s ‘Two Minutes’ is ending, we are pulling up to Yada’s office. I don’t even try to reach for my door handle, waiting for Walter to come around to my side of the vehicle. He lifts me out of the truck and I try not to smile too wide at that. Holding my hand as we cross the parking lot, he steps in front of me to open the door, allowing me to walk in first. I check in with the receptionist and we sit in the lobby holding hands again. This man likes to hold my hand, and I am not complaining about it.

I hear Yada’s office door open and she steps out to greet me. She visibly registers my hand intertwined with the man to my left. I stand, pulling Walter up with me by accident. 

“Don’t worry, he’s gonna wait out here. Let’s go,” I sputter, moving past Yada and into the office. I notice Yada isn’t following me when I sit down. I hear introductions being exchanged and silently die inside. Why does it feel like my mom is meeting my boyfriend? Wait, is he my boyfriend? Oh my God, is he my boyfriend?

Yada comes back into the room and sits in her armchair, grabbing her notebook and writing quickly in it before addressing me. “So, let’s address the elephant in the room, or should I say the giraffe in my lobby. That man is tall as hell. And very pretty,” she jabbers on, smiling away at me, “Tell me all about him.”

I go on to tell her we met, or more correctly he saved my life, just before my last therapy appointment. I mention Faye and that we haven’t met yet. I talk about being in almost constant communication since I gave him my number on Monday. We discuss how he likes to take care of me, and that he did so after I told him about the whole Christopher thing. During this, she is taking notes in her book. When I bring up my episode this morning, she looks up at me.

“So, it sounds like Walter was able to ground you during a moment of dissociation. About how long did it last?” she asks.

“For just a few minutes. I remember getting out of my car, but from walking into the station to Walter effectively ‘waking me up’...it’s just like I was watching myself move but I wasn’t totally in control.” I murmur, finding my favorite spot on the rug.

“I see, can you remember this ever happening before?”

“The last time it happened was maybe five or six months ago after I had to quit the job at the prison infirmary. It was just too stressful. And I guess I have been kinda stressed the past couple of days. Everybody at work knows Walter and I are dating thanks to a couple of friends I made. Nina and Sophie are sweet but they have loose lips.”

“Either way, I am glad you made friends,” she smiles, taking a note, “Are there any other stressors besides a new public relationship?” 

“His ex works at the station too. She’s been kinda giving me the stink eye when we pass each other. She hasn’t said or done anything. But like, she obviously still feels something for him,” I admit, rolling my eyes, “But if that chicken thinks she’s getting anywhere near my coop, she has got another thing coming.”

“Calm down, we don’t need you to be unprofessional in the workplace, no matter how she acts toward you,” she reasons, even though I only half-listen, “Does Walter know about Rachel’s behavior?”

“No, because I don’t want to sound like I’m crazy. I feel crazy. She probably just has resting bitch face?” 

“I think you should tell him about the looks she has been giving you. Get his opinion on it before you discount your feelings completely. He might be able to shed some light on her behavior, or even better, he may be able to speak with her on terms she can understand. And that don’t involve you clubbing her like a seal and hiding the body behind the police station. But you didn’t hear that from me. That’s off the record, Your Honor.” she muses, winking at me before taking notes.

I agree to talk to Walter about Rachel and we decide this will be my homework for this week. Not difficult, but still awkward to start speaking about. I mean, how do you tell your significant other that their ex is problematic without seeming territorial or threatened? Rachel doesn’t strike me as the type to try and come in between Walter and me, but I will be keeping my eyes peeled.

“So are you and Walter using protection?” Out of nowhere, Yada hits me with that question.

“Yada! We haven’t even done anything yet? Jesus, woman,” I cover my face, happy again that my espresso skin doesn’t show the heat behind my cheeks.

“Yet being the optimal word. Got it. Well, use protection. You have every right to have sex and every right to protect yourself. So, don’t be coming round here saying ‘we got caught up in the moment’. Because so did Romeo and Juliet and look how that ended,” she deadpans, throwing her hands up.

“Did you just…never mind. We will use protection. When we get to that point. I’m in no rush and I can’t speak for him, but he at least respects my boundaries.”

“He sounds like a good egg. I like him already. He respects boundaries, he’s attractive, he’s got a stable income, and he liiiiiikes you,” she beams, rising from her armchair to go to her desk.

“I’m glad you approve because I like him and it just feels right with him. We connect so easily,” I say, noticing Yada is looking at me and shaking her head, “What now?”

“You are falling for him, girlfriend, don’t you see that?” she commented matter-of-factly. 

“Shut up, no I’m not,” I answer grumpily.

“Alright, but you are,” she states, tilting her head, “There is nothing wrong with that, by the way.”

“I know. I’m just afraid of moving too fast. That’s kind of my way of doing things, and I don’t hate it but I don’t necessarily like it much either.”

“Love it or hate it, it is a part of you. And you either have to learn to thrive despite it, or work toward changing the behavior. But you know this already, Kamaria.”

“You’re right about that, but I still like the option of just complaining about it,” I confess, shrugging my shoulders.

“Either way, it is your choice. You are still scheduled virtually for next week. You have your homework, as well. Anything else you wanna gab about before we end today’s session?”

“Nope,” I say, letting the ‘p’ make a pop sound.

“Well, then I will let you get back to your tall, dark, and handsome fella,” she smiles, getting up to walk me out. We exit her office and she smiles at Walter, addressing him directly. “She has homework and it involves you, so don’t let her forget.” How she gonna do me like that?!

“Thanks, Yada,” I groan.

Walter is enjoying this way too much because he decides it’s best to pat my shoulder while saying, “Don’t you worry, I won’t let her forget.” He just smiles when I give him a glare that rivals the fire of a thousand suns. He probably thinks it’s cute or something. He holds his arm out to let me exit before him and I’m happy for this because then he can’t see me cursing his very existence. I still let him open the door for me. I also let him open the truck door and buckle me in. By the time he gets into the vehicle, I’m reaching over to hold his hand.

“Done being mad at me, then?” he jokes, taking my hand and kissing the back of it.

“Feed me and we’ll see if I can’t be swayed,” I advise, winking at him.

We grab a quick late lunch and head back to his place. I take a nap for a couple of hours and am awoken by the hearty scent of tomato sauce. I’m pretty sure I fell asleep on the couch, but I’m waking up in a bedroom underneath a light blanket, Beary tucked into my side. Walter must have moved me in here so I wouldn’t be disturbed. He can be so sweet sometimes, I wonder how long he can keep this up.

I get up from the bed, leaving Beary behind and I walk out to the living room to see Walter hard at work in the kitchen. He doesn’t notice me so I sneak up behind him and goose him. He doesn’t react, as if he knew I was coming.

“What makes you think I didn’t hear you from the moment you opened my bedroom door?” he began, only turning slightly to wink at me before returning to slicing french bread for garlic toast, “I used to be S.W.A.T., Princess, so it takes a lot to get the jump on me.”

“So, you’re say-” 

“That is not an invitation for you to experiment on how to get the upper hand, love,” he stops me before I go down that useless train of thought.

“You got me, I’ll be on my best behavior, Sir,” I laugh, pulling myself up to sit on the counter near him.

“Would you like a piece of bread with some tomato sauce on it, Princess?”

“Yes, please,” I pipe up, excited to taste the aromatic sauce. I watch as he grabs a piece of bread, dipping it into the sauce before blowing on it a bit. He turns off the stove and comes to stand in front of me, placing the bite just out of reach. I look at him, confusion painted on my face.

“Tell me what your homework is and you can have your treat, Princess.”

I debate pouting but I know that won’t get me that saucy bread. “I have to talk to you about Rachel. She’s been weird around me, and it makes me uneasy,” I mumble, suddenly anxious.

“What exactly is she saying or doing?” he asks, allowing me to take a bite of the bread, still holding onto it himself.

“She hasn’t said anything to me, she just gives me this bitchy glare whenever we cross paths,” I speak around the bite of bread I was granted, “Honestly, baby, she freaks me out and I don’t like the idea of having to avoid your ex.”

“You shouldn’t have to actively avoid her,” he holds the last bite of bread out for me and places it in my awaiting mouth, “I’ll talk to her. I don’t want to scare her too much. But I do want her to know you mean a lot to me and if I’m lucky, you’ll be in my life for a long time to come. She needs to suck it up and get used to it.” 

“Fuck, that is so sexy to hear you say,” I disclose, reaching up to cup the back of his head, pulling him into a searing kiss. 

I clench my thighs together as I feel his tongue invade my mouth. Strong hands part my legs so that he can slide in between them. Our clothed sexes line up perfectly and I wrap my legs around his hips. A growl rumbles from his chest to my groin. We part to catch our breath, our foreheads resting together.

“Fuck, will you let me eat your pussy, baby?” he practically moans the question and it lights a fire up under my ass.

“Please, yes,” I gasp, wrapping my arms around his neck before he picks me up off the counter and walks us into his bedroom. He lays me down slowly. Kissing from my lips to my neck, nipping along the way. I gasp inwardly when I feel his hand ghost over my covered heat, my back arching at the touch.

“I’m going to take such good care of you, baby. You just relax and take what you need from me,” he whispers, moving down the bed as he hooks his fingers in my pants. He pulls them down, leaving me in my drenched panties. He kisses the fabric of my underwear before pulling those down as well.

He dives into my sodden snatch, using the flat of his tongue to lick a stripe from my entrance to my swollen nub before kissing it. My hands go from gripping the sheets to weaving through his curls when I feel him start to suck on my button.

“Fuuuuuck, Daddy, just like that,” I mewl, his growl vibrating through my clit. I feel his hands grip my thick thighs, pulling me closer to him as he eats greedily. I look down at him, his eyes are closed and he looks like he is in Heaven feasting on me. As if he could sense my stare, his eyes open and we share a heated mutual gaze. 

While still attending to my nub, he reaches up to my mouth and I suck two of his fingers, getting them nice and wet. When he’s satisfied, he leans back and licks his lips, entering my core with his spit-slicked digits and I cry out at the sensation.

“You’re so fucking tight, hot, and wet baby. Fucking perfect, I can’t wait to feel you wrapped around my cock,” he hummed, working his fingers in and out of me slowly until I arch my back to ride his fingers.

I pull him up to kiss me, tasting myself on his lips. His fingers find my inner bundle of nerves, massaging it as his thumb circles my clit. My breathing picks up as I feel the coil in my depths tightening until it snaps and I squeeze my eyes shut in anticipation.

“No, no, no. Look at me when I make you cum,” our eyes lock and I arch off the bed as my orgasm hits me full force. But this one feels different, so much more powerful than ever before. “Fuuuuuuuck, yes! Squirt all over me,” I faintly hear Walter groan those words before I realize my thighs are wet and sloshing noises are bouncing off the walls. Walter looks back up to my face and his pupils are blown wide. “You look so beautiful like this. All fucked out, tears flowing freely.” Did he say tears?

I reach up to my cheeks and feel wetness staining them, my eyes are blurry with unshed moisture. Then the emotion behind it all attacks and I begin to cry fully. I know they are happy tears but I can’t verbalize that to Walter yet and he starts to panic. 

“S’ok…so good…emotional,” I mutter, trying to let him know I’m alright. He seems to understand and nods, going to the attached bathroom and coming back with two towels. I feel wet warmth between my thighs as he cleans me, then dries me off with the other towel. He lays down next to me and covers me with the comforter and I close my eyes in contentment.

He peppers my face with slow kisses, from my eyelids to my nose to my cheeks to my lips. When I open my eyes again, Walter is looking at me with a look that definitely spells out his feelings for me. Instead of putting words to it, we just lay and bask in its radiance. I struggle to keep my eyes open and finally keep them closed.

I feel a kiss placed on my forehead and stir while I hear Walter’s soothing voice in my ears. “You did so good, Angel. Rest as long as you need to, and I’ll be here when you wake up.”

I awake some time later, and true to his word, Walter is still laying next to me. His soft snores are like music to my ears. I lean up and nuzzle our noses together until he stirs and opens his eyes and smiles down at me.

“Hey, baby,” he gives me a quick peck, “How do you feel?”  

“Well…so far, I feel refreshed. But I haven’t tried to walk yet,” I laugh, “That will be the true test. And I need to pee anyway.” At that, I sit up and stretch my arms over my head. I swing my legs out of the bed and stand up slowly. I take my first step and it’s wobbly as hell.

Walter gets up and helps me to the bathroom, because of course he does. He stays in the bathroom with me to make sure I don’t tip off the toilet or slip into the bathtub. I mean, at this point, I squirted all over his hand so I’m sure he can handle me peeing while he’s in the room. He even jokes that he can’t believe I have any liquids left in me. I playfully swat at him and he only grins at me.

We end up having dinner shortly after, the pasta was spectacular and the garlic toast was perfect. The rest of the night is spent introducing Walter to Supernatural. He likes how funny it is, and I feel obligated to tell him that this is one of the saddest shows to ever grace television screens. Once I say that, he vows to still watch the show because it means so much to me. 

We lay down in his bed for the night, talking about what we want to do this weekend. I mention that it would be nice to do absolutely nothing and just be lazy bums all weekend and he approves. Our weekend is spent finishing the first season of Supernatural and me answering all of Walter’s questions about the show. He is so cute getting all invested in one of my faves. And if we take breaks for him to test how many times he can make me cum in a weekend, then that’s our business.

He won’t allow me to return the favor, however. He says that this is all a part of him taking care of me this weekend. I try not to feel undeserving of so much positive attention, but I’m still a work in progress. And that is just fine for now because he is good at making me forget why I was anxious in the first place. My sweet Walter better count his days, because I am going to rock his world when I finally get the chance.

Chapter 5

**Tag List**

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Let me know if you wanna be added and for what plz! 😁

[starsofsin]

Having a few hours to think on it… about weird Dream Ghost Abuser…

I feel strange that the only “person” I know that actively feels outside or is outside of my system that’s truly happy for my relationship, me getting therapy, and doing what I can to heal while trying not to be afraid of my emotions… is him.

And that’s like… super depressing.

My grandmother told me I was lying and making up my trauma, telling me that it “never happened,” or that “no, you got this wrong” stuff. I know what we remember. We deal with the issues from it. You can’t fake that. I can’t fake feeling all of what happened to us or the sobbing or the dissociation or feeling like nothing in my life is real.

My mother sounded numb to it all and blamed herself.

My father doesn’t know and never will know because I don’t truly trust him to know the issues with my mental health like that. Because he made me feel like a burden for being anxious or wanting to try therapy.

I have no other biological family that truly sounds or feels like they care. And that pains me a little bit. Really makes me feel like I’m the black sheep and that no one truly wants me around. Makes me think that if I didn’t make it those weeks I was sick if they would even care or if me being gone would be weight off of their shoulders…

And I know that the found family I have is happy for me and believes me even when I don’t believe myself, but it doesn’t feel like thats enough sometimes. They just make me feel like I’m someone else that’s here or someone easily forgettable. I make a LOT of noise when I walk, that’s on purpose. But no one seems to notice me or I sound louder than I do because I keep scaring people or moving past them and they never realize.

So to hear Dream Ghost Abuser say “I’m glad that you’re being treated well, I’m sorry about your family. Do they make you happy? Tell me about them? If you feel comfortable. I know I’m not someone to open up to for what I did, but it’s the least I can do to make up for it the way I can how I am. Do you have any fun memories? Do they make you smile? I’m glad that you’re with them.” It just… hits weird.

Out of all the people that could have cared, the weird dreams are the ones that make me feel like someone actually wants to listen to me. And I think that’s why it was so easy for us to fall in love with him. Because he listened. He had to. For everything to work out for him, he had to listen. Had to pay attention.

And now the only one we have that feels like they know us is this weird haunting presence and our partner.

That’s irritating to know that a potential fucked up brain causing us to have shit like this is a better person than our own family. And that’s saying A LOT with what he did and still being on the “you’re equal to me, but my family are pests I want to step on” level.

I need better family. They don’t even talk to me!

~ 🐑 (They/Them)

[sketchingstars03]

Alright, so, you’re pretty much the queen Good Dad!Ink (at least in my mind), which I adore with all my being, so I wanted to share a thought I had with you.

See, I’ve seen people use Ink’s poor memory as ammunition against him being a Good Parent. Often, it’s either in a funny-haha “he forgot to pay child support/straight up abandoned the kid” way, but I’ve also seen it used to make him Evil and Unfeeling and a bunch of other stuff. You know, the usual “Ink is Evil” propaganda or whatever.

Thing is, all I can think of, if Ink ever actually forgot he had a whole ass child? Is how absolutely horrific and gut wrenching it would feel once he did remember. I can’t help thinking he’d feel so, so guilty (even if his bad memory isn’t his fault). Can you imagine that?

You’re just walking around, goofing off, just living your life with your friends, and you suddenly realize you have a child you haven’t see in stars knows how long because you forgot about them. Has it been days? Months? Years? Do they think you did it on purpose, that you don’t love them with everything you have? Where are they, are they okay, how much of them have you missed? How could you forget you own child?

Just. I don’t know. I feel like no ever thinks about how that would be for Ink.

WHSHSHSHSHHDHDH ME?!?! QUEEN OF GOOD DAD INK?!! HESITANT TO BELIEVE THAT BUT I’M HONOURED TY!! (Also sorry it took so long to respond 😅)

ahem regardless,

Anon

Your brain: 📈📈📈

Exactly, PERFECTLY, put into words.

Ink’s forgetfulness in general seems to be played most often for either laughs or for angst (where he hurts another character with it) when it comes to content depicting it (not that that shouldn’t be explored ofc). Not a lot of thought about how it affects HIM and the guilt he might feel whenever he forgets something as important as his OWN CHILD. At least, not that I’ve seen. I could be wrong, but it seems most likely when you look at basically every other fanon trend with Ink.

Ink shrugging off whenever he forgets he has a kid also seems to me to be a symptom of the whole “Ink can’t/doesn’t care about anyone” thing. People think he doesn’t have the ability to care for or love anyone so they just assume he won’t feel guilty for forgetting whatever child he has. Even though the supposed “fact” that he can’t care is PROVEN to not be TRULY the case because this lad ADORES their dads. Sure, it might not be in the exact same way as others, and it may take Ink a good while to get attached to someone on that level. But even IF he’s not super attached to his kid I STILL THINK they’d feel guilt about it. After all, taking care of a kid is something SUPER important and serious. Ink could think logically about how that might make the child feel and be able to regret forgetting them. (In fact he canonically DOES logically think about how others feel FREQUENTLY. The official Ink FAQ stating that before they actually fight someone, they “focus on trying to discover their motives and talk them through it.” and he “know(s) what to analyze to understand the issue so he can brush people the right way and hopefully have them listen.”)

So, if Ink IS super emotionally attached to/cares deeply for their child, which isn’t at all out of the question because it’s their literal CHILD…

Oh BOY would the feelings of guilt and regret MULTIPLY EXPONENTIALLY.

Because contrary to what some may believe, Ink is a VERY emotional being, often feeling INTENSELY about certain things. Just not in the “”traditional/“normal””” way.

It would BREAK him inside. Or at least cause INTENSE negative emotions. Like… imagine if Ink forgot about Top and Aster for a good while. It would KILL HIM emotionally once he remembers them again. This man would be crying and apologizing PROFUSELY to them.

It’s so tragic. Ink, even if they’re trying the HARDEST THEY POSSIBLY CAN to be the best parent he can be, even if they loved their child COMPLETELY UNCONDITIONALLY with their WHOLE BEING, could still “fail” in certain aspects due to factors completely outside of their control. And that must hurt, a lot. He’d probably end up blaming himself/beating himself up about it in this case too.

Now this doesn’t mean that people are always wrong for writing Ink a certain way, Comyet PURPOSEFULLY allows for freedom of interpretation when it comes to Ink’s character.

But, like you Anon, I do wish there was more stuff out there that thinks about how all of this would make Ink feel. Not that other character’s feelings aren’t worth exploring, but that Ink’s perspective should be considered as well. Sure Ink might not be perfect at parenting, but I think he’d at least TRY. And would DEFINITELY care a whole LOT if he realized he forgot about his own kid’s existence.

At least that’s my two cents on the matter

Ty for the ask! This was a fun one to answer!!!! (and I apologize if it was a bit rambly 😅)

[ardentpoop]

the whole soulless sam arc in s6 is simultaneously really intriguing and really frustrating to me because i think the writers barely even knew what they meant when they said he was soulless atp. like, textually, (i think?) we’re supposed to believe he’s emotionless because he says he doesn’t feel things the way he used to… but the thing is. he. Does actually exhibit a plethora of emotions from what i remember in that arc (like frustration, incredulity, anger, fear, etc.) he just seems to be processing/displaying them differently than sam-with-a-soul would? which is why i’ve always sort of read his soulless arc as being indicative of/a metaphor for trauma/ptsd after the cage. which makes it extra uncomfortable that the whole story really comes to be about out “how does it affect Dean that sam doesn’t have a soul” and “Dean will be able to live with what happens if re-ensouling sam causes extensively damage.” like?? hello??

(sorry to ramble in your inbox i’m just having Thoughts)

I agree :)

as usual what exactly the writers meant doesn’t matter as much to me as the various plausible and equally compelling interpretations that you’re able to extract from the text. to me soulless is fascinating and particularly useful for exposing the problems with samndean’s relationship. for one thing he does seek out dean eventually despite his initial “uh no thanks” because we see that he still has sam’s intrinsic need to defer to him. like here’s this super dangerous guy (because, listen, samndean are always dangerous) who isn’t Bogged Down by our sam’s conscience and yet dean tells him “you’re going to do whatever I say because you can’t be trusted to behave the way you should on your own” and soulless goes “okay. you’re the boss.”

it’s crazy. he never even tried to kill him. not even a little bit of attempted murder!

and yes it’s really compelling that eventually soulless gets to the point that he’s like “okay, I know DEAN is telling me that me getting my soul back is more important than anything, but after knowing what I know I don’t think I want it back” (6.10 “when angels and demons agree on something, call me nuts, I pay attention.”) and that this change of heart doesn’t ultimately matter because dean is the one who decides what they’re doing with sam’s body. even in a season where the power ratio is “off” in ways that leave dean feeling more vulnerable than he usually does (and punished by the narrative in ways he usually isn’t for his suddenly Substandard Masculinity; see his interactions with samuel and his team, and the infamous vampire-turning scene in 6.05).

like 6.11 “appointment in samarra” is wild from start to finish if you think about the implications. see below:

[threadsun]

Ooorrr maybe I just suck at lying so AHA! GOT YOU THERE! Gotta use those breathing exercises to make sure I can focus typing so I don’t think I COULD lie if I wanted to. I’m just THAT confident that’d I’d win~ Or maybe I am lying and don’t want to admit that your words are affecting a lot more than I say. That I’d rather just submit because it would feel so nice to be used and manhandled like you said, to let my mind break~ But then again, you’d never know it because I’m just that good at hiding it~ ;P Oh well, such a shame! I feel like pain and pleasure go hand-in-hand the same way that praise and degradation do, so of course it’d make sense that if I actually WANTED to submit, then I’d try to withstand as much pain as possible. I easily bruise and my pain tolerance is super low so it’s not hard to make me yelp, but that’s only if you can get me down. I guess I’ll just have to get closer, won’t I~? 😜

In any case, I’m going to just add that punishment to the VERY small list of punishments that actually work so thank you for enlightening not only that, but for me being a brat too. Taking notes here lol.

!!! I’M LOVING YOUR THEORY!!! See, I just FINALLY started looking at the other characters more deeply (ghost tiddies were distracting me for a long while) so I haven’t been able to put anything cohesive together yet. Your theory on Ian’s mother planting seeds of doubt in his head seems like the most realistic reason as to why he may have cheated. Like you said, she’s not above sending people to stalk him just to gain leverage over his emotional and mental state so if she disapproves of M/C, then I can see her trying to split them apart. Definitely a lot more in character for Ian than what I said! I swear this is why I love discussing theories with others instead of trying to figure it out all on my own. I definitely don’t see him cheating just cause, so having a more solid foundation to build off of is nice.

Hey! I like Joesph in uniform too, no shame here! But like, fireman Joesph getting you a collar that you must wear at ALL times, no exceptions. Having to walk around on all fours while Joesph parades you through the firehouse leash in hand. “Good puppies don’t speak for their treats, they bark for them. Don’t you want a treat, doll?” Joesph slowly starts to unbuckle his belt, his form intimidating from this angle. He bites his lip as he peers down at you.

“Then beg for it~”

AHHHH! Listen, I’m not super into petplay but I’d bark repeatedly at this man, I swear! 🥴 But holy shoot, going for a fireman AU overall for all of them? Can I buy one of those pin-up charity calendars from their firehouse?

YUS! Imma be like a hawk and lazer focus on that bad boi when it drops. 😂 Oh! I think I remember reading about the herbal cigarettes on your page! But ooooo, what do they usually smell like? 😗 I’m all about those scents and perfumes which speaking of, I imagine that Joesph would smell like the cologne Obsession and Jack would be more of fresh, gourmand smell, maybe even citrus, but I can’t pinpoint an exact fragrance.

Also, waxplay? Holy hell that sounds extremely hot from how you described it (no pun intended)!

-🎃

Awwww so cute~ It's okay, I'd let you have your fun before I broke you. I'd let you believe you're a true brat, only to show you that deep down you're really just a needy little masochist. And then we'd have plenty of fun seeing just how nicely you bruise! But as you said, you'll have to get closer first. I'll tease anyone, but I'll only put real effort in for money or friends~ Can't just go around giving away the goods for free, you know. No matter how tempting it is to take my sadistic urges out on a silly little vocal brat...

I've been thinking about it for a long time now because the cheating just seemed so... out of left field? I guess? But then I realised it's only surprising if you assume he did it for fun. A lot of people seem to think he takes mc for granted, but throughout the Afterlife we see him over and over again being thankful for their presence and not considering himself worthy of them. But what we also see is some of the lengths to which his mother will go to make him be who she wants him to be. And given that we know mc is the one who's helping Ian cut her out of his life, it's no surprise she'd want to break them up. idk I just think it makes more sense with Ian's character than just like... he felt like cheating and assumed they'd forgive him?

😳 Joseph introducing you to all of the guys as the stations new pet, making you greet them on all fours and letting them know you're free for any of them to use when they need to blow off a little steam~

Ooooh yesssss they absolutely make those firefighter pin up calendars and I would order a hundred of them!! The real question is would they do "sexy firefighters with kittens/puppies" calendars as well? Cause those would be hot and cute!!

>:3c Joseph is gonna get his whole life ruined and it'll be beautiful~ Yeah, herbal cigarettes are cool cause they just smell kinda like burning herbs/flowers. So like floral or herby and smoky too! Like when people burn lavender and stuff! But yeah, I can imagine Ian smelling like them because I feel like there's a lot of pressure for actors to smoke but he wouldn't want nicotine or weed. Joseph definitely smells like Obsession!! And yeah, I could see Jack smelling of grapefruit tbh.

Waxplay is very fun!! And hot, it's fun to watch someone squirm while hot wax drips on them >:3c

[evansbby]

Bestie omg😭😭😭 I knew it was gonna be an emotional roller coaster, but this was so much better than I expected, and I expected no less than a masterpiece!!!

I absolutely LOVED everything about it!!!!!

Steve’s character development?? Omg made me so emotional I cried so much. The way he listened to omega even though everything inside of him told him to end peter… but he still let go for her, bc he loves and he knew he would lose her if he didn’t control himself🥹

And the panic attack? Read about Steve in this situation, Steve the strong alpha who’s always in control, just completely lose himself bc someone dared to touch the woman he loves and talk about their relationship. SO HEARTBREAKING that was the first time I cried during reading this.

And the car ride to her mother’s house pls it was so entertaining😭 Steve suggests to play this game just so he could ask her this question while this cute thing being completely clueless and asks him his fav color😭😭😭😭

But this sweet little moment they had smiling at each other and him kissing her and telling she’s cute I MELTED😭 it almost felt like he’s a normal person🥹

And when they got to her mother’s house, the part with him reading her diary and calling her a nerd omg this little normal couple moments have my heart 🥹🥹🥹😭😭😭😭😭

And i love how protective he gets when it’s about her, wanting to find one of her mother’s ex bf and kill him cause he touched her? Im such a slut for men like that fr

And god bestie you WRECKED MY HEART with the part where she was screaming and crying after her mother’s letter. Cried so so so much. Omega deserves so much better.

And at his parents house🥹 Steve is such a mama’s boy I can’t. i loved every moment of them at his parents house, it felt like this place really brought out the best of them. At Steve’s place there was Bucky and sam around and idk I just always got the feeling omega is super uncomfortable with that. And at his parents house it felt like she was more calm, and even found a friend🥹 she always wanted a real mother, and her being friend with her mother in law was so good and healthy for her. She never really had anyone to talk to and Steve’s mother really gets her being an omega herself

Omega’s constant need to be with Steve was honestly adorable, yet so sad at the same time. Like she was always afraid that if she’d not never to him he’ll just disappear and leave her alone with her thoughts and she was so scared of that

Ngl at the ultrasound I was kinda scared that their gonna find out that there is no baby but there wad and this moment was so wholesome😭🥹

And yk what I don’t wanna talk about this whole Bucky thing ok this made me way to emotional and i love Bucky and I hate him at the same time and this whole thing just broke me

But the end and the epilogue i just 🥹🥹🥹🥹🥹 cried!! so!!! Much!!!!!!! IT WAS PERFECT i loved it i just loved the way they both changed so much and became literally perfect for each other. Like they’re actually meant to be. They’re relationship at first felt really forced, like he has her trapped and she doesn’t want to be there, and she was too scared to even look him in the eyes, and he was just a complete asshole. And they change so much to fit each other and make this relationship so healthy and pure and full of love🥹

and the daughter???!!!??? STEVIE IS A GIRL DAD😭😭😭😭😭 and the name Rosie omg!!!!!!!! Love it!!!!!!!

I wrote so much im sorry i just love this fic and you!!! For writing this and thank you so much bestie for working so hard on this you’re so appreciated 💘💘💘🫶🫶🫶🫶🫶🫶

Thank you so so much for reading and sending this lovely amazing review bestie!!! I love you!!

I also love how you noticed the normal couple moments they had and also Steve trying to be normal too!!! I really wanted to showcase that in this chapter bc I feel like all their moments as a couple have been either super intense or just Steve gaslighting her. So I really wanted to show them being normal!

I’m so happy you enjoyed the whole car scene, it was honestly so much fun to write! Not Steve FINALLY trying to communicate through some weird ass “game” and omega not even understanding and innocently asking his fav colour 🥺🥺🥺 She really is so cute and no wonder Steve finds her cute 😌🥹

All of that was kind of like the calm before the storm, which was the sadness of omega discovering that her mom left her 😭😭

AND YES STEVE IS A GIRL DAD😌🥹🥹🥹 and yes their relationship is a lot better than at the beginning, it’s crazy how far they’ve come!!

Thank you so so much for reading! And never apologise for leaving a long review, I live for asks like these 💖

[a-mag-a-day]

MAG 81 - hair dying session

"former Head Archivist at the Magnus Institute" - at this point I was already super excited about how the story will progress now that Jon doesn't work at the Institute anymore. Like this is a serious change of tone!

Did Jon grab that tape recorder next to Leitner's bashed-in head before he legged it?

"Even in the depths of my paranoia, something I now attribute to the presence of… of the being that was posing as Sasha, like a grain of sand behind my eye, rubbing and irritating, but with no clear cause." - I did think Jon was quite irrational in S2 when I first listened. Even with my knowledge of Not!Sasha, but Jon didn't know that. And I didn't know yet that Jon would have powers. But like this it totally makes sense!

"And of course, in my heart, I knew that no-one else could have possibly seen anything as horrible as I had." - That's what I meant in MAG 76 when I said Jon doesn't take people seriously unless they show to have suffered extensive damage. Can anyone put a name to behavior like this? Where it's rooted in?

I don't think we have heard the Web properly called the Web until now, right? (I mean, Jane says, webs have a song as well, but not >the Web< has a song.) Same with the Eye in MAG 80. Did Jon just Know the Smirke'ian names?

While still only in knowledge of this statement there was no way to tell the definite age of Jon. He was 8 and it was in the 90s. To say 1995 is a reasonable middle ground. MAG 161 would be the one to solidify the suspicion of his birth year, because it happened in 2015 and Jon claims to turn 38. If he simply adds 10 years to his actual age, this would make him born in 1987.

Do you think the death of Jon's parents was a coincident or already the Web?

Jon was 4 when his mum died. I still have extensive memories of the time when I was 4. It would have probably been too long to be emotional about it, but there would be enough to puzzle some things together.

"so I ended up living with my grandmother, a kind enough woman, but she had already raised her children, and the resentment she felt at having to raise another was never something she completely managed to hide from me. It seemed to mingle with her grief, so the sadness over her own lost son would manifest in recriminations and bitterness." - I love that Jonny explores all kinds of parent-child-relationships. I'm sick of the constant "I would do everything for my child"-narratives, they're boring!

"I was precocious and impatient, quick to talk back, and even quicker to wander off whenever I grew bored." - I would have expected nothing less from kid!Jon.

Not to be pedant, but it always bothers me that Mrs. Fruit is described as a larger fly than Mr. Bluebottle, because fruitflies are super tiny and bluebottles are actually reasonably big.

When the bully knocks the book out of Jon's hands I started to notice the ambiance track. Has this one been used for any of the S1 and 2 episodes? That particular part of the track makes me think a lot of S3 and 4…

"you know, for the life of me I can’t remember his name. Thomas, maybe? Daniel? I almost want to say Michael, but that isn’t it. He saved my life, and I can’t remember his name. Why does your memory do that to so many important people? Some people deserve to be remembered." - :( Sasha's still is too fresh on his mind…

"A strange conviction that, if I had been able to face that thing myself, maybe I could have saved him. Stopped it." - Marked by survivor's guilt at such a young age. And he will experience it again and again… No wonder why Jon did what he did in MAG 200…

"Ridiculous, of course, I was eight, but it has made me reconsider my attitude to getting help. I have consistently kept the others at arm’s length, tried to deal with things myself and it… it hasn’t gone well." - He KNOWS it's not his fault. But there is something very distinct about knowing something to be logically irrational or baseless and how it makes you feel.

JON "I suppose you are rolling in all that sock money." / "Up to your eyeballs in mattresses." - I didn't listen to The Black Tapes, even though my sister recommended that to me before TMA, so I can't say for sure, but I heard this is a reference to it? I could find out that frequent podcast sponsors "Bombas Socks" and "Casper mattresses" apparently sponsered TBT and this is a dig at those ads? Especially since Georgie runs her own podcast.

GEORGIE "Oh, it’s fine. Though I don’t know what sort of “employment dispute” leaves you without a change of clothes." - She clearly knows there is more going on and that Jon simply isn't ready to talk about it yet. But I guess she doesn't suspect Jon to be a murder suspect xD… You know what would lose you your flat and a lot of your stuff? Asbestos!

Okay, so all in all this is one of my favorite episodes and I remember how absolutely cool I thought it was when I first listened!

There is a case for Jon's parents during the dying because of the Web yeah