#I accidentally killed two stone busts and now they all hate me

[doodle-sodapop]

I love this rabbit

I wonder if others did this too..

[imperfectcourt]

Andreil Prompt:

Neil is an Assassin. Some day something goes very, very wrong. So the first time Andrew meets Neil, Neil has to explain to him that he accidentally poisened him and Andrew has to go to the hospital to get the antidote.

So I was really unsure about this but when I got going I got really excited about it! But I also COMPLETELY MISSED the line where it said "the first time" so this is very much not the first time they meet ;__; sorry! I hope you like it though!

Neil had never panicked on a job before. He’d never made a mistake or killed the wrong person or not killed the right person. He could kill whoever he was told to kill, he could kill however he was told to kill, and he could be whoever he was told to be in order to do it.

Killing Andrew Minyard was the worst and last mistake Neil would ever make.

Worming his way into A. Minyard’s life hadn’t been easy but it had been natural- the most honest work of his filthy, bloody life.

It had to be this way. It couldn’t look like a typical mob hit, anything abrupt and easy would look suspicious. The call had to come from inside the house, or so they say.

Neil tipped the vial into the remnants of the whiskey bottle and poured two modest glasses. It wouldn’t be pleasant for him but he’d built up enough of a tolerance to survive. Odorless, collarless, no paper trail. He’d suffer some hallucinations and maybe some minor liver damage but he’d live and after tonight he’d be free. No more Moriyama’s. No more contracts. No more death.

No more Andrew.

Neil brought one glass up to swirl, smell, sniff, and sip. A perfectly normal glass of whiskey. He brought out onto the small balcony and put them on the rickety table between two lawn chairs. Andrew picked his up and didn’t make the small cheers motion he always did as a silent thanks, didn’t drink. He’d been staring at his closed phone for the last half hour. Neil knew he would say what was wrong in time (if there was time).

“There’s something I need to tell you,” he said after several long minutes, punctuating the statement with a sip. Guess there was time, after all. Neil sat sideways on his chair so he could watch Andrew light a cigarette.

“That sounds ominous. You’re not a murderer are you?”

Andrew’s top lip curled in a small, vicious smile. “That’s a truth for a different day.”

No, it wasn’t, and Neil found himself reaching for another mouthful of whiskey. Andrew raised a brow at this, having caught on a while ago that Neil liked to draw the drink out as long as possible if it meant he didn’t have to go home yet.

“It’s nothing to form a drinking habit over, calm down.” Andrew took up his drink again and every sip he took felt like friendly fire. “You’re going to see something on the news tomorrow and I’d rather tell you myself than get pissy with me for not bringing it up sooner.”

“Secrets secrets are no fun,” Neil parroted. Andrew kicked out his socked foot to hit Neil’s heel and didn’t pull it back.

“A story will be dropping about my brother’s involvement in a gang bust tonight. Just got word that everything went well but his services had been needed on sight.” With the hand that held the cigarette, he gave his cellphone a little shake.

“You have a brother?” That hadn’t been in the assignment, but family matters were often left out for jobs like this. He couldn’t go in knowing too much and risk exposing himself.

“My twin.”

“You have a twin?”

Andrew threw back the rest of his drink and waved it at Neil’s face. “The only reason I’m telling you is because you’re going to see him parading around on t.v. with my face. We’re not that close.”

A gang bust. Big enough for national news. That couldn’t- that would mean-

“What’s his name?”

“Aaron.”

“A. Minyard. Doctor Aaron Minyard.”

Andrew froze. Looked at Neil so expressionless he might as well have been stone. “I never said he was a doctor.”

He didn’t have to. Dr. A Minyard. Fox affiliated attached to a photograph. Andrew had his PhD and his connection to Kevin Day was easy enough to find if you knew where to look. The Foxes were an elusive bunch of vigilantes but everyone had heard of Kevin Day, son of the founders of the Foxes.

Neil had never made a mistake before and killing Andrew Minyard was the biggest mistake of his life. He knocked the glass from Andrew’s hand only because Andrew let him.

“Now, right now,” he changed, grabbing Andrew by the sleeve and tugging him back inside. It only worked because Andrew let him. Andrew was always letting Neil, trusting Neil. And for what? For this?

Neil let go when he was sure Andrew would follow him and rushed to the tiny kitchen. He took the water glass by the sink and upended the entire salt shaker into it.

“Drink this right now,” he ordered Andrew.

Andrew did not take it.

“Andrew, trust me just one last time. Just this one last time trust me and drink this. Just this once. Just this one last time.” There was time. There was barely time. It had been less than a minute, there had to be time.

Neil didn’t know what he would do if Andrew didn’t drink, if Neil killed him for nothing. No matter what the outcome, no matter Andrew's decision, Neil would die either way.

Andrew took the salt water, drank the whole thing, and promptly threw up in the sink.

Neil watched, hands in his hair and tears clouding his eyes as Andrew righted himself, wiping at his mouth with the back of his wrist.

“That’ll give you time to get to the hospital. You have to go now, you’ve got time.”

“I’m not going anywhere,” Andrew put his hand slowly, calmly, over Neil’s throat, “until you explain.”

He pressed him into the wall.

Neil let him.

“You were supposed to be my last one and my contract would be fulfilled,” he said.

“Explain better than that. What does this have to do with Aaron?”

“There’s no time-”

“Then make it quick.” He pressed against Neil’s throat and Neil’s hands came up instinctively to grab his arm. He stopped before making contact.

“I was born into a debt that the Moriyama’s own. I was one of their hit men. A. Minyard. Fox associate. And a picture. That was my last assignment and I could finally… I could…”

Words were getting harder. He had begun ingesting the poison before Andrew and hadn’t gotten any of it out of his system.

“You’re the only one I never…”

“Never what? Never shot like a coward? Never succeeded in killing?”

“Never wanted to.” His hands came down onto Andrew’s forearm even though he didn’t have permission. His vision was swimming around the edges and he couldn’t tell if it was because of the drug or the pressure on his trachea. “I didn’t want to kill you. H-hospital. You still need the hospital. You have time.”

“Why should I believe a single thing you say?”

“I’ve never lied to you.” It was so important for him to say that somehow the words came out with conviction. “Never lied. Andrew, you’re amazing and I love you but you need to leave right now.”

His knees gave out and for the briefest moment all of his weight was being held by the hand on his throat. Andrew lowered them both to the ground.

“What did- You idiot.” Ah, yes. He must have caught on. “You did all this to live only to fucking kill yourself? Neil. Neil… Neil!”

Neil had never panicked on a job, but he’d also never woken up in a hospital bed before. He was aware of the spike in noise before he was aware of his surroundings.

“The worst assassin in history.”

Neil groaned but didn’t yet open his eyes. His memory was just solid enough to know what he’d taken and experience told him he wasn’t ready to face the spinning world.

“Can’t say he was wrong, technically,” the same voice said.

“What kind of assassin not only chooses the wrong target but falls in love with their dumb ass?”

“This dumb ass has the same level of education as your dumb ass.”

“My dumb ass has a doctorate of medicine, not in books.”

“Literature.”

“Still dumb.”

“Sssh,” Neil breathed out, testing the waters of control and strength. He had very little of either.

“Ladies and gentlemen of the jury, the dumbest of asses.”

“Give him another hour and he might even be able to respond.”

“Now who would want that.”

The second time Neil woke up in a hospital, it was enough for him to look around and realize this was not a hospital but rather a medically furnished bedroom.

“I hate you.”

He turned his head to see Andrew slouching back in an overstuffed, wingback chair. The look on his ever-passive face was angry and Neil would take angry over dead any day.

“You made it,” he slurred. His mouth felt like cotton. “You made it,” he said again because it was right and good. “You made it.”

“Shut up.”

“I’m fine. Got a tolerance”

“Is that something they teach you in the bright sunny world of the Nest?”

Neil made a finger gun at Andrew (why?) and slowly, slowly tilted himself onto his side to see him better. Somewhere in the back of his mind he knew there were things he needed to worry about, but for now he just wanted to look.

“I’m happy you’re alive.”

“I don’t care.” And he sounded like he didn’t, but that was how he always sounded. Still Andrew. Still him. Still alive. For a long, quiet while they stared at each other.

“I have to go before the Moriyama’s come looking to do clean up. This won’t be tolerated.”

“No. It won’t be. But not by the Moriyama’s.”

Andrew stood in a motion that made him look much older than he was, tired. As he came to stand over the bed, Neil couldn’t help but stare because not killing Andrew Minyard was the only right thing he had ever done.

“The Foxes completed their take down of the Moriyama’s. It’s been all over the news, which you would have seen if you hadn’t poisoned yourself.”

The… the what? Something must have shown on Neil’s face because Andrew pressed him down into the bed a split second before he’d tried to sit up. As consciousness cleared his fog, his brain began catching up enough to understand that he wasn’t understanding. The synapses were there but they weren’t connecting.

“I don’t understand,” he whispered. Andrew’s mask twitched.

“Of course you don’t, you’ve been too deep cover to keep up with what was right under your nose. The Foxes won, there are no more Ravens, and you, Nathaniel, are a free man.”

The sound of that name, his name, sent a flinch so hard through his body that it made something cramp in his stomach. Andrew watched, bored, as he curled in on himself. If he knew that name, if his cover was blown so spectacularly, then there must be an ounce of truth to it.

“I’m just… Neil. I just want to be Neil.”

“Well, Neil.” Andrew slid his hand into Neil’s hair and squeezed, not hard but enough to tilt his head back. “If you ever do something that stupid again I will kill you myself.” Something in his eyes, however passive he tried to pull off, told Neil that Andrew was not referring to his own attempted murder.

“Were you… worried about me?” That couldn’t be right.

“I don’t know, Neil.” He kept saying his name like that and Neil didn’t know what to feel about it. “My whatever of a good stretch of time nearly killed himself. How should I be feeling?”

“I nearly killed you. I only poisoned myself a little.”

“Why?”

Why? The easy answer was forensics. Two glasses. Two drinkers. One lucky to survive the ordeal. But that wasn’t all of it. As Neil stared up up at Andrew, here at the other side of it all, he could admit to himself that he was glad for the punishment.

“Because… because I was going to kill you to save my own life and I had never hated myself for anything more than that.”

“I hate you,” Andrew spat.

“As long as you’re alive to hate me it’s fine.”

“Shut up.”

“Tell me more about the take down.”

“No.”

“Is your brother a Fox? Do I have to be killed for knowing that?”

“You have to be killed because you won’t shut your mouth.”

A good stretch of time. That’s how long Neil had been worming his way to be Andrew’s whatever. And in all that time he’d never felt safer. He lifted a shaky hand and waited. It took nearly a minute before Andrew released his hair and took the hand up in his own.

He didn’t apologize for trying to kill him. He didn’t apologize for coming into his life under false pretenses. If Andrew was there now, he trusted Neil enough to understand. They could talk about it later.

“Go back to sleep,” Andrew ordered quietly.

“So I’ll shut up?” Neil whispered back. His eyes were already drifting closed.

“Sure.”

[lovesanmotion]

yandere!ateez reacts: s/o bailing them out

💌 This is: Requested

Hongjoong:

He had his arms propped on the rusty cold bars of prison after he was caught by the police for falsely fabricating his own information. Despite serving 72 hours of prison time, Hongjoong needed to get out fast or else he wouldn't dare imagine all the stupid ideas that would be forming in your head.

"You got lucky, buddy. Someone's bailed you out." A large, beefy police officer spoke to him and unlocked his prison cell bars, letting him out and uncuffing his wrists. The police officer tilted his head towards the exit, telling him to follow him to which Hongjoong complied. He wondered who would have bailed him out, but his frown turned into a sinister grin as he looks at your standing figure outside the gates of prison.

Seonghwa:

Seonghwa remained stone faced and silent as he followed two police officers to his own cell. Not caring for all the catcalling he was receiving from the female inmates. As he enters his cell, the police uncuffed him and shoved him further inside before banging his cell, locking it and then walking away, whistling. Seonghwa knew he didn't belonged here. He belonged to wherever you are right now. He needed to escape.

After half an hour of formulating his plan on how to bust himself out, a police officer stopped in front of his cell and unlocked it.

"Today's your lucky day, Park." He said gruffly and motioned for him to get out with his hand, pushing his shoulder and leading him to the bail office. Seonghwa's smile brightened as he sees you.

Yunho:

As Yunho was held and ushered arm to arm by two police men, the inmates before him stood behind her prison bars as if welcoming him.

"Hi there baby"

"Come over here and let me get some action with you"

"Hey over here!"

As his own cell was opened for him, he was pushed inside and proceed to lock it from behind him. Yunho let out a dark chuckle and sat down on the bed provided for him. An hour later, the intercom rang.

"Y/N on the line for Jeong Yunho"

Yunho immediately got up on the bed and went to the telephone line, wanting to hear your voice and tell him to get him out of here quick.

But as Yunho picked up the phone, he couldn't believe how calmly you spoke to him that it irritated him. He assumed that you were enjoying him being in prison, thinking that he would punish you once he gets his hands on you. But an hour later, he was told by an officer to get out.

"It's your lucky day. Some chick bailed you out." Yunho kept grinning to himself as he proceeded to walk out of the Inmate Check Out and stood behind the tall prison gates. As the gate swung open, Yunho's grin widened and his eyes went dark as he found your slim figure standing behind the gates.

Yeosang:

When you told Yeosang that you wanted the original pearl earrings that Vermeer's daughter Maria wore and inspired the painting 'girl with the pearl earrings' you only said it as a joke. But Yeosang being Yeosang, he would give you anything. Even if it meant giving the moon to you.

However, Yeosang was caught by the international authorities and was put to prison bars for illegally stealing a hundred years' worth of history. Yeosang cursed and kept kicking his rusty cell bars until he got tired and laid down on what they call "bed". The following day when the sun sipped through his little window, an officer unlocked his cell bar, pulled him by his collar and dragged him out.

"Some girl got you out." He told him in broken english, removing his cuff around his wrists. "But you'll be back" he chuckles and ushers Yeosang out to the wired gates of prison. Yeosang lets out a chuckle as he sees you inside the rented car wearing a designer Parisian dress and beret.

San:

A week. He was placed in prison for a week just because he accidentally killed a passerby that kept staring at you. San usually gets his emotions the best of him and out of control, he acted on himself. Letting a dozen of people watch him punch someone to death.

He didn't thought of anything except you. He worried about you and what could you have done inside the house. San tried a hairpin he caught on the floor to bust himself out, but was caught. He tried flirting with the lady officer but only earning a punch in the jaw. Now on his third day, San blankly watched his inmates bulk up their muscles by weightlifting, others fightings and cheering on the fight.

That night as an officer was interrogating him, another officer gave into the room and whispered something to the other officer. He watched him sighm uncuffed him and told him to get out as someone bailed him out. His eyes widened but tried to keep his cool. Putting his old clothes on with the dried blood, the cold night air of Seoul kissed his skin. And before him, stood you, smiling at him.

Mingi:

Mingi became hard headed and continued to say that he is innocent even though eye witnesses have said that he murdered his own neighbor for only talking to you. When asked why he kept insisting that he is innocent, Mingi told them how the world is filled with people not deserving to live and he only did them a favor by killing one. Heaving a deep sigh, the officers weren't getting the information that they wanted for him and dismissed him. As Mingi was about to head back to his cell with an officer holding onto him, another one came in and said that someone had bailed him out. Mingi's chuckle rang around the whole prison cell halls, his smile darkening and widening as he finally got his wrists uncuffed. But his heart gave out a huge leap as he sees you inside the bail office. Then he knew that he can fully trust you.

Wooyoung:

While in prison, Wooyoung got into a few fights with the other inmates because they pissed him off. He personally hated the morning activities wherein he has to spend a couple of hours with the others, but Wooyoung kept to himself and always stared out the wired gates. He needed to escape and fast.

But that night, he was told to dress back in his old clothes because he'll be walking a free man again. Wondering who bailed him out, the sight of you gave his heart a huge leap and kissed you in front of the authorities.

Jongho:

"Too bad I didn't get to taste him" Jongho caught the other officer tell someone beside him. As Jongho left his cell to proceed to the Inmate Check Out, the other inmates kept hollering and catcalling him, one even blowing a cherry kiss at him. Jongho knew that he didn't belong here, he belongs to you and wherever you are at the moment.

The following day, Jongho refused to come out of his cell and socialize with the others. He liked the confinements of his own cells, he's alone and could daydream about you. But while daydreaming, he was pulled out of it and was brought to the bail office, telling him that someone earlier today had paid a large sum of money to get him out. Jongho chuckles to himself and as the wired gates swung open, he walked out and engulfed your small frame into a hug.

[libermachinae]

Fault Lines Under the Living Room

Part IV: Touch - Chapter 12: Stumble and Lost His Grip

Also available on AO3! Summary: Knocking on the front door didn’t work, so time to try the back. Word Count: 3,437

---

Scorch might have been as pleasant as the rust ruined dregs at the bottom of an oil can, but damn if Spur wouldn’t mind feeling that arrogant crackle of a laugh at the other end of his spark. A few jabs about how he’d teamed up with Autobots just like Grrder always warned he would with too-easy remark about how he got distracted by a smooth tread. Anything but the emptiness of stasis lock chilling him from the inside out. Add in the fact that they were racing narrowly by a straight plummet to a grisly death and this could easily rank among the top five worst days of his life.

He clung tighter to Drift’s roof, optics offline. If this was the end, he didn’t want to see it coming.

“Watch it,” Drift warned. Spur ignored him.

He’d had an alt-mode once, so long ago it was hard to remember now. He and Scorch had worked in construction setting up new plumbing infrastructure and had hated it. Even though he couldn’t remember what form he’d taken to do the job, he could still smell the insides of those tunnels and feel that wet heat weighing down on him. When the representative for Triple M had shown up on site, it hadn’t mattered that the foreman dragged him off before he could introduce himself. Spur and Scorch had been among the handful to roll up to the ramshackle unformatting clinic.

He justified the decision with a simple fact: everyone did stupid slag when they were young. His dumb idea also meant they weren’t in Ultrix when the sinkhole opened under the Ioreian neighborhood, and that they were among the first to know when Triple M leadership decided the Decepticons had the right idea. Or at least were on a better track than the Senate. Spur hadn’t paid much attention to the politics, that was more Scorch’s thing. Spur was more interested in survival, a simple goal that had become more complex the moment Drift had realized he didn’t have any wings or wheels of his own. That was how he found himself now with his fingers tight around the edges of Drift’s roof, squished flat with the wind tearing at his back plating, wishing for the untold time that he was about to wake up in his closet-sized hab back on the lunar base.

“Acknowledged,” Drift said. 

“What’s happening?” They hadn’t offered to patch Spur into their comm channel, and he hadn’t asked.

“Rodimus says we’ve got incoming.”

“Pitslag,” Spur muttered. He was so tired of getting shot at and beaten up and chased—

“Just keep your optics open.”

Which sounded like an awful idea, except Drift was very much in control of the momentum of Spur’s poorly armored body. He brought his optics online slowly, peering through a staticky haze, but nothing could disguise the depth of the canyon’s shadow, nor the sheer drop, which Drift’s tire edged along like a battlefield medic’s torch across a wound.

Against the ludicrously powerful engine underneath him, Spur failed to catch the moment the echoes started up from behind them, only realizing he was hearing something when Drift briefly slowed for a tight turn. The sounds overlapped, feeding into each other, but when he listened close he picked up a pattern: the ripple of a spring releasing, followed by the harsh thunk of a metal body hitting stone. He twisted, trying to catch a glimpse, but the darkness of the canyon hid its secrets well.

“On their way,” he said.

“I know.” Drift pulled a tight corner faster than he should have and started to tilt toward the edge; Spur felt his spark seize and threw his weight in the opposite direction.

“Gonna fraggin’ kill us!” he snarled.

“If not me, then it’ll be them. You want to choose which one?” Drift asked.

Another day, Spur might have considered the Decepticons. With the ground under his pedes and a blaster in his grip, he could handle himself. He might not have been able to fight so well, but he could make a stand, which was often all his superiors had asked of him. Something had happened to Scorch, though, and since Spur wasn’t about to reveal his biggest weakness to a bunch of pseudo-Autobots (even  one had saved his life), he was stuck with them until he could find somewhere to slip away.

The first blaster bolt that pinged off the wall behind him had him wondering if there were any right choices in this mess.

“Slag!” Drift swore as the second shot clipped his side mirror. “They’re on us!”

Spur twisted again. He mistook them for Insecticons at first, with their twisted bodies and spring-loaded legs, but as one dug its thick claws into a wall with a heavy thunk, it revealed a small pilot crouched within.

Bang!

A pilot with a decent aim.

“Scrap, scrap!” he swore, his voice tilting up as he felt Drift slow further. “No, what are you doing? Speed up! They’re shooting at us!”

“Get off.” Drift didn’t wait and transformed as he pulled to a stop, dumping Spur onto the ground. Both took evasive actions as the plasma bolts rained down, Spur wedging himself behind a boulder while Drift took up the annoying hoppy thing he’d done to evade them back on Vitrious.

“Rodimus!” Drift barked. “I know, but we’re getting shot right now!”

Spur wanted to know why that was only an unimportant detail when he was the one pointing it out, but his attention was quickly grabbed by another sound pushing into their canyon, drowning out even the blasterfire: an interstellar speeder descending directly on top of their pursuers.

The Decepticons, startled by this new development, broke formation. One released his hold on the wall and dropped out of sight, apparently uninterested in dealing with Drift’s reinforcements. The others regrouped, one continuing his assault on Drift and Spur while the second twisted in his perch on the wall, apparently with the intention to latch onto the ship itself.

“Down!” Drift shouted.

Instead, the speeder tilter up and to the side, slamming into the assailant before he’d engaged his claws. He went tumbling end over end after his teammate, which would have felt more like a win if Spur wasn’t still ducking from blasterfire that rained shrapnel down on his helm.

“Will you do something?!” he demanded.

“I’m—trying!” Drift’s words were labored, popping between bursts of gunfire. Spur questioned, not for the first time, what he had done to earn luck so bad his captor was a swordsmech. “Rodimus, watch—”

Spur was still ducking, so he didn’t see exactly what happened, but there was a bang accompanied by the shriek of tearing metal. The engine swung closer before it dipped away again.

“No!”

And then the sounds of the battle fading, falling. Spur stayed frozen, hands clutching his helm, waiting for an explosion or another burst of gunfire that never came. After several minutes, he brought his optics online and peeked over his shoulder.

Gone. The lot of them all disappeared.

On legs that were still trembling from the force of the gunshots, Spur stood and stepped out from his cover. His tiptoed to the edge of the canyon but stopped before he was close enough to look down. He hadn’t heard a crash yet, which implied they were still falling; that was a long, long way down.

He hesitated, listened close. He took two steps back and turned aside, walking, at a much more reasonable pace, in the direction he’d already been headed. It was very quiet, down inside this lonely canyon on this almost empty hunk of rock. He tugged again on the thread tied to his spark, hoping that this would be the one that revealed he wasn’t alone anymore.

~*~

Drift had been accused in the past of not thinking before he leapt. It would have looked that way, had anyone been watching as he sailed through the air folded into the jet stream of the plummeting shuttle. The assumption overlooked the fact that he had considered all of this well in advance, and he had decided, regardless of their easily broken promises, he would do everything in his power to get his friends out unharmed.

Despite the damage, the shuttle’s engines were still functioning, and it was fighting to stay airborne, bucking against its unwanted passenger. Drift almost shot past but managed to grab a service handle, wincing as the shuttle’s violent movements wrenched his delicate repairs.

“Rodimus!” he shouted, not sure comms would cover up the roar of the air and the shuttle’s engines. “Calm down! I’m taking care of this!”

“Slag, Drift, hurry!”

Drift startled. He wasn’t used to hearing Rodimus like that. As if sensing his confusion, Ratchet chimed in.

“That thing’s nearly punctured through the shuttle’s inner walls,” he said. “Rodimus is scared the rider’s going to find his way inside.”

Which was, of course, the one thing they could not allow to happen and the entire reason Drift had told them not to come. It was only concern for Rodimus’ safety that got him to withhold his anger for later, focusing on what he could do instead of what he wished he’d done. The shuttle stopped its thrashing, which gave Drift an opportunity to pull himself against its side and start climbing the short ladder. He was almost to the top when he ducked, just avoiding a blaster shot between the optics.

“Frag off!” he yelled.

No response from the canyon crawler pilot. Drift didn’t understand why he hadn’t disengaged yet and wondered if it was a mechanical failure. The rigs weren’t designed to bore into spacecraft, and it was possible he had accidentally fused it to the shuttle.

“Rodimus, what’s he doing?” Drift asked.

“I don’t know; I can’t see! Half your cameras are busted!”

Drift switched to his other channel.

“Calm him down,” he demanded.

“I’m trying,” Ratchet said. “The kid’s stressed.”

Drift bristled.

“He’s not a kid,” he snapped, then cut the comm and launched himself over the shuttle.

The tick wasn’t expecting another attempt so soon or so suddenly. His shot landed somewhere behind Drift, the gun ripped from his hand before he’d finished releasing the trigger. He cowered within his metal exoskeleton, the entire contraption shivering as it tried to pry itself from the inner workings of the shuttle.

Drift didn’t stop to think about it. He wrapped his hands under the upper jaw of the crawler and wrenched it open, griding its fangs back through the punctures it had made. Freed of his captive, the small Decepticon immediately tried to reengage, snapping the crawler’s trap shut and almost crushing Drift’s fingers in the process. Drift tried to hold on, but in his effort to save his hand, he accidentally aimed the crawler’s spring legs at himself. They kicked into his abdomen, causing him to stumble and lose his grip entirely.

“No!”

The metal cage went flying, sucked into the air current before tumbling down into the abyss, Drift watching it go from his place atop the shuttle.

He hesitated a nanoklik. Then it was too late to do anything. Drift stared at the place the bot had vanished and turned on his comms, but he didn’t know what to say.

“Drift?” Rodimus said. “I kinda saw what happened. You alright?”

It was a long drop, and the shuttle wasn’t moving slowly. If the crawler came with an eject function, the bot might get lucky and land on something pliable, but more likely he was riding it all the way down. Drift tried to muster up an answer to Rodimus’ question, but nothing came to mind. The exhaustion that dogged his frame came back in full force, but that was so normal he doubted it was worth mentioning.

“Are you injured?” Rodimus pressed.

“No,” Drift said honestly. He sunk down, reattaching himself to the side of the speeder. “I—I don’t know what I’m doing.” He had spent months practicing the most rigid self-control of his life, keeping slavers and imperialists and megalomaniacs alive long enough to deliver them to justice. He’d made every thrust with precision, every grapple a little less than his full strength, and now that it appeared his efforts were at an end, he felt nothing. He’d thought that his first kill—because it had always been inevitable that he would go back to his old ways eventually—would provoke guilt or grief. But he didn’t feel anything.

“You’re going to get Grit,” Rodimus said. “You’re protecting Vitrious.”

Allegedly. If he didn’t care about this, had he ever cared about Vitrious? Was all that scrap about slavers and the betrayal of the Cause just an excuse for him to indulge the anger he had kept hidden under a red badge?

“Why are you here, Rodimus?” he asked. “Forget Ratchet and the Enigma. Why did you agree to come?” He wasn’t sure that answer would matter any more than the rest, but he was tired of being in his own head. He needed something else.

“To bring you back to the Lost Light,” Rodimus said.

“But why?”

“Because it’s the right thing to do.”

“Rodimus.” If there was a growl in his voice, it was because he couldn’t be bothered to hold it back anymore.

“W—what do you want from me?” Rodimus asked. Despite the stress in his voice, the shuttle kept on a smooth course. “Do you want me to say that it’s for some selfish reason, that I was doing it for myself and my personal glory again? I’ve gotten a lot of practice with—I’ve been thinking about it a lot.”

“I want you to be honest with me,” Drift said. “If we’re going to risk our lives for each other, I need to know why.” Everything had a price. He’d learned that years ago, and that the only way to get anywhere in the world was to set your own as high as you could. This was probably the most he could ask of Rodimus, and he still didn’t know if it would be enough. And yet for a moment, it didn’t seem like Rodimus would be able to pay. The silence stretched out, waiting, until Drift very nearly told Rodimus to carry them back up to the ledge so he could drive himself the rest of the way.

“I thought about being a hero,” Rodimus said. His voice was quiet. “I had dreams about bringing you back to the Lost Light and telling you everyone had forgiven you and giving you everything you deserved afterward. I would give you your life back, with interest. Anything you wanted. But it wouldn’t be like that, and I knew it. So then, I was afraid.”

Afraid simply of disappointment, or something more specific? Drift didn’t have a chance to ask, because Rodimus barreled on.

“That’s why I didn’t come to get you sooner,” he said. “I was scared. Getting you back would mean facing up to all of my mistakes, when before you were always the one who let me feel like I was doing everything right. When Ratchet told me he was coming to find you, it made me realize that I needed to get over that. Much as I appreciate what you did for me before, I wanted you back more than the things you did for me.”

“I already told you I didn’t leave for you,” Drift said, because Rodimus sounded sincere, but it wouldn’t mean anything if he was still sequestered in the fantasies Drift had built around him.

“I know,” Rodimus said, “but I’m talking about all of it: the Lost Light, the speeches, just telling me that I was doing a good job. You did so much for me.”

“I didn’t,” Drift insisted. “It was—it wasn’t about you, Rodimus. It was about everyone else. They needed you to be someone and I did everything in my power to make sure you were that person. I…” Fear and shame and something like self-loathing curled inside Drift, but he shoved past them because fuck it. He couldn’t go back to the Lost Light under more false pretenses, and if that meant he couldn’t go back at all…

He already knew better than to rely on himself first.

“I needed you to be that person,” he said. “I did it for me.”

A longer silence descended over the comms. The canyon was narrowing around them; Rodimus would need to ascend soon.

“Ratchet’s right,” Rodimus finally said, apparently unaware that Drift hadn’t been privy to whatever conversation the two had just shared. “I don’t have any room to complain when I was doing pretty much the same thing. You were doing what you had to, right?”

“I’m not sure how you want me to answer that,” Drift said honestly.

“Right, never mind.” Rodimus still sounded nervous. “What I really want to say is that, um, I get it. I think. We all set off on this quest for our own reasons, and most of them don’t really align at all. And—Prowl aside—it’s because our goals were so different that we—us two, but I guess Ratchet also a little bit—that we ended up out here. If we want to find the Knights, or save Vitrious, or just watch out for each other, I think we could stand to be more honest with each other about why we’re doing those things.”

Rodimus sounded reasonably confident about that, but Drift wasn’t so sure. He had no way to know whether Rodimus could handle the version of him that was more honest. Rodimus cared about his crew; Drift had seen that and knew it to be true. But he also cared about himself, and his tendency toward inflating his own ego wasn’t something that would be fixed by promise alone.

“You could start by answering my question,” he said.

“Question?”

“Why you came out here.”

“Oh. I mean, I think it’s straightforward: it’s because I missed you.”

“You don’t really know me,” Drift warned. Rodimus had asked for honesty.

“I’ve learned a lot recently,” Rodimus said. “And I want to get to know you more. Even if it’s not what I was expecting, you’re still my friend and my crewmate. No matter what. You could tell me you step on organics for fun and you’d still have a place on my—on our ship.”

Drift pulled a face.

“Ew.”

“Yeah, bad joke, bad timing,” Rodimus agreed, so casual Drift knew it had to be an act. “But that’s the other thing: Ratchet’s going to be on my aft this time. He’s looking out for you, too, and he’s not going to let me make the same mistakes twice.”

Drift and Ratchet might have only come back on speaking terms in the last few years, but Drift had trusted Ratchet for just over five million. Maybe it tipped the scales unfairly in Rodimus’ favor, but when Drift imagined the scenario Rodimus was building, it sounded good. Good enough that it was risky to trust. Good enough that he might never stop watching out for signs of the end. But maybe, if they were working together, he could trust the three of them to try.

“Okay,” he decided. “I can try. That’s all I can promise, though. I’ve got all the same hangups you do in making a commitment. That’s going to mean a lot of different things, and some of them aren’t so easy to manage.” It was possible that just stepping back onto the Lost Light would cause him to try to fold back into the third in command role he’d built for himself, though he didn’t know for sure; it was rare for him to be able to return to a life he’d left behind.

“Have you met me? Or Ratchet?” Rodimus asked. “None of us are ‘easy to manage.’ Doesn’t mean we’re not worth the effort.”

“You’re starting to sound like him,” Ratchet cut in. “Drift, you staying back?”

“I’m fine, Ratchet,” Drift assured him. The shuttle had begun to rise, bringing them back up to the level they’d been on when the patrol found them. They were nearly within sensor range of the base. Soon enough, he’d be on his own again.

“Stay that way,” Ratchet warned. “Don’t need you getting wrapped up in this mess.”

In a way, he already was, Drift mused, and that wasn’t necessarily a bad thing. Not yet. As the ship crested near a reasonably drivable cliff, he stood, preparing to dismount.

[cheshiregrimmjow]

Why everyone needs to stop what they’re doing right now and watch Gargoyles...

1994 blessed us with a rare gem of television: Gargoyles. It had the perfect blend of good story telling, character development, cultural representation, mythology, fantasy, action, romance, and timeless themes. It has stood the test of time. At the very heart of the story is a message that I feel everyone in today’s cultural climate needs to hear and remember...

Forgiveness and compassion are the only way forward to peace and change. 

For those of you who aren’t at all familiar with the story, I shall attempt to summarize the intricate plot. In 994 AD, a clan of gargoyles, stone by day and living beings by night, protect a castle in Scotland. When the castle and the gargoyles are betrayed and many of them killed, a spell is put on the survivors that puts them in an eternal sleep (broken only if their castle rises above the clouds).

Fast forward 1000 years. A wealthy owner of a multi-national organization hears of the legend and moves the castle and gargoyles stone by stone to the top of his Manhattan skyscraper. Come night, they revive for the first time in a millennia, finding themselves in a world much changed. Humans no longer believe that gargoyles ever lived, and they find themselves alone and disoriented.

The leader of the gargoyles, Goliath, soon meets an NYPD detective, by the name of Elisa Maza. Like all modern humans, her initial instinct upon seeing the monstrous creature is one of fear. She recoils from him, accidentally falling off the battlements of the castle. Naturally, he swoops down and saves her, then climbs back to the top with her clinging to his back (because gargoyles can’t fly, only glide). He tells her to trust him. She listens to his story and decides to befriend him, immediately resolving to teach him and his kind how to live in this modern world. Thus begins a wonderful relationship.

Gargoyles have one primary purpose in life - to protect their demesne from enemies by night. Goliath and the Manhattan protectorate soon learn that those who threaten the peace are not in the form of foreign invaders, but the very citizens of the city who refuse to abide by human law. They partner with Elisa to help control the crime in the city (ranging from scaring off would-be purse snatchers, to busting up protection rackets, and of course, battling the super villains who want nothing more than for all of humanity to be destroyed). 

But everywhere they go, the people of the city treat them with fear and hatred - even the ones they help. With few exceptions, the gargoyles are viewed as monsters. Granted, the gargoyles have to keep a low profile due to their vulnerability during the day - so the humans don’t really know much about them. Even so, the ones who do get a chance to meet them tend to view them as nothing more than tools to be used or beasts that deserve eradication. 

Goliath knows that humans fear what they do not understand. He acknowledges it and accepts it, but he never stops hoping and striving for a world where his race can live in harmony with humanity - as equals. No matter how many times he and his kind are betrayed, shunned, and mistreated, he forgives them and moves forward. Though occasionally tempted to vengeance when his family and loved ones are killed or attacked, reason always prevails over hatred. He never stops protecting them. He never stops valuing them. And because of his respect and eventual love for Elisa, he knows that humans are capable of understanding and accepting one such as he.

Elisa, for her part, is the ideal person to befriend a justice oriented race of beings. She is a cop, after all. She takes her oath “to serve and protect” very seriously. When she sees injustice, she won’t stop until it’s dealt with. She works within the confines of the law (but also tolerates the gargoyles bringing a heavy hand on criminals caught in the act). 

Elisa is also uniquely able to see through to the heart of her strange friends because of her own background. Elisa’s mother is Nigerian and her father is a Native American. Her father was also a police sergeant. They forged a strong marriage, despite many ethnic and cultural differences, and raised their three children to see past appearances and stereotypes. When their son ends up having a drastic appearance change (thanks to the reckless experiments of a mad scientist), they quickly overcome their shock and accept him as he is.

Similarly, Elisa begins to fall in love with Goliath, despite the difference in their race. Just like many people on the show, some viewers see this relationship as problematic because it condones “bestiality” or “monster-f***ing”. If you can watch Gargoyles to the end and believe this - congratulations, you missed the point of the whole show (and you might struggle with racism). One, Goliath is not an animal, so bestiality is not an accurate descriptor. If Elisa had fallen in love with lovable gargoyle/dog Bronx - that would have been bestiality. Furthermore, Goliath is not a monster. He is an intelligence, deep-thinking, compassionate, forgiving, and honorable person. His outside appearance and unique culture is the only thing that separates him from other humans. Elisa sees that and accepts it, though she struggles with her feelings for him for a long time. She eventually decides that the obstacles to their relationship cannot stand up to the depth of their love, respect, devotion, and trust in each other. 

Goliath has fewer reservations than she does, but I appreciate that the show made a point to reveal to us that Goliath did not find her attractive from the beginning. Her human form was not appealing to him and it wasn’t until she was temporarily transformed into a gargoyle that he noticed her beauty. In the same way that she saw past his looks to the heart of him, he also saw past her appearance to the heart of her. It was their love of people, their insatiable desire to protect, and their strong sense of justice that made them so compatible. Though both have their flaws, like all of us - they face their demons, take ownership of their failures, and extend grace to each other and their enemies.

I look around me today and listen to the words that people are saying to each other (particularly on this very website), and I wish that more people could be like these two. Instead of looking at the color of a person’s skin or the uniform they wear and making assumptions about their thoughts, beliefs, or character, we should all attempt to get to know people as individuals. I wish we would stop clinging to our self-assigned clan labels, whatever those may be (white, black, cop, civilian, privileged, minority, etc.). I wish we would realize that we are the same in all the ways that truly matter. 

I wish we would look at the injustice around us and unite to stand against it - instead of creating more injustice by responding to crime with more crime, hate with more hate, racism with more racism, bigotry with more bigotry. I wish we would look at humanity and recognize that while racism and bigotry will always exist in the hearts of some, most people are eager to look past our differences and bond over what we have in common, if given half a chance. I wish we would learn to forgive the faults of others and acknowledge our own. I wish we would take more chances on people. 

Violence, protests, vengeance, and anger will not move us to a place of unity. They have their place. Injustice should incite righteous anger. But we can’t dwell in a place of hatred and hurt. At some point, we must forgive and extend a hand to the people across from us. Relationships are the only way forward to peace and unity. 

Many “white” people don’t understand the “black” community and vice versa. Many civilians don’t understand the police community. It’s so easy to look at evil people from both groups and extrapolate stereotypes to everyone in those groups. And that WILL NOT END until we stop generalizing and trying to dehumanize each other. Get to know some people who look different from you or live in another neighborhood as you. Get to know some of the men and women who took an oath to serve and protect everyone in their communities (like Elisa Maza) and decide if denying them their calling is the answer to our problems. 

In Gargoyles, there are three races: Fey, humans, and gargoyles. Humanity is treated as one race. I think it’s high time we started thinking that way ourselves. Though humanity has great ethnic and cultural diversity, we are the same in all the ways that truly matter. 

>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

Goliath: I still don't understand how Dracon could ever believe that you would turn to a life of crime.

Elisa Maza: I guess the corrupted are the first to believe that somebody else can be corrupted. And it's not impossible. None of us are perfect, that's why we need protection, even from ourselves sometimes.

Goliath: Then I will protect you, you will protect me, and together we will protect this city.

[kpop---scenarios]

Crowned Affair

King! AU

Commissioned by: @xxkittenbebexx​

Warning: Smut; Cheating Word Count: 3.8k  

A/N: Hope you enjoy! 

The moment Kihyun had been informed by his father's advisor, that he would soon be crowned king, he knew what needed to come first. It was something he had always promised himself he would rebel against, something he told himself he would refuse to back down from. However, that was before his father, the king now fell ill.  Kihyun knew his father wanted him, no needed him to have a wife before he could be crowned but Kihyun refused to be pressured into a marriage he did not want. He didn't want to marry for power, or for the union of two countries, he wanted to marry for love. He was in love, and wanted to be with her. “I won’t, father" Kihyun snaps at the ill man, laying in his bed. “I would like to have a wife of my choosing, please" he begs.   “Kihyun, enough” his father croaked. “You’ll be marrying princess Y/N L/N from Ponddell, and she will now become queen of Westerby as you are crowned the new king. I will speak no more of it" his father snaps. Kihyun clenches his jaw as he bows slightly to his father at the bedside before briskly walking from his chambers. How dare he? How could he refuse for Kihyun to marry a woman of his choice? He should have just told him that he had someone he wanted to marry, someone who he loved. He had been sneaking from his chambers for months now, and into a private hallway where no one would see him, and his cousins wife.   He hadn’t meant to betray his blood, another prince only a year younger than him and in line for the throne. His cousin Minhyuk had always been like a brother to Kihyun, they were inseparable as kids. They partially drifted as they grew older and gained more responsibilities around the kingdom and then they both found out the crown could go to either of them when Kihyun’s father passed. Kihyun had been wandering the halls of the large castle one night, unable to sleep, when he heard sobbing coming from a hall no one ever went down. It was almost a hidden hallway. When he peeked around the corner he saw Minhyuk’s wife, Chaein, with her knees against her chest and her head down as she wept. He wasn’t sure what to do. Did he walk away? Or did he make some type of noise to signify that there was someone near here. “Ahem” Kihyun coughs, as if to clear his throat. Chaein’s head snaps up, looking at Kihyun like a deer in headlights. “O-oh.. Prince Kihyun, I’m so sorry” she mumbles, standing up to bow while wiping her tears. “Excuse me" she murmurs before trying to walk passed him. Kihyun grips her wrist before she can get any further away. “Princess, what is the meaning of this?” he asks, his voice harsh without trying. “It’s nothing, I’m sorry" she whispers. “Chaein.” Kihyun says. “Tell me.” “He drank quite a bit again tonight" she whispers. “Did he lay his hands on you?” Kihyun asks. “No no, he would never. The words he speaks sometimes are just..cruel" she sighs. She stared up at Kihyun with tears brimming in her eyes, and he just melted for her, right then and there. He turned his head to look behind him to make sure no one was there, and when he was certain the coast was clear, he pulled Chaein into him, holding her tightly as she sobbed into his chest. And that’s how it started. After that night, Kihyun ventured to that specific hallway every night in hopes that Chaein would be there. Most of the time she was, but on the rare occasion she wasn’t, and that’s when he would walk past her and Minhyuk’s room, only to hear whimpers from her and grunts from him. It broke his heart. About a month into the meeting at night, Kihyun kissed her. Chaein pulled away quickly, shocked at what he had just done. Kihyun apologized profusely to her, and accidentally spilled that he had feelings for her, to which she smiled and leaned in for another kiss. A few weeks after the first kiss, they had their first night of absolute rough passion against the cold stone walls in their secret hallway. After that night, Kihyun knew he was hooked. Rage filled him whenever he saw Chaein and Minhyuk together. He wanted to announce to the entire kingdom that they were planning to be together. The following night that Kihyun had found out the crown was to be bestowed upon him, he came up with a plan with Chaein so they could live their lives happily, as king and queen, together. The one thing they needed to do was kill Minhyuk. Chaein's marriage to Minhyuk was that of one Kihyun did not want. They didn't marry for love, they married for union between her country and the possibility of theirs. Although Minhyuk didn't care in the slightest, Chaein wasn't happy and it broke Kihyun to see her being miserable. He knew he needed to speak with his father about their marriage. They truly only married for the fact that Minhyuk had a chance of becoming King over Kihyun but now that it had been decided that Kihyun would in fact be receiving the crown, there was no need for Minhyuk and Chaein to be married any further. For once, Kihyun felt as though things might finally be looking up for him, and for Chaein. Now was their chance to declare their love and for her to be freed of the miserable chains she was bound by called marriage. "Father" Kihyun shouts as he busts through his father's chambers. "We need to speak, immediately." He huffs, not caring about anything except saying what he needed to say in the moment. "What do you need, Kihyun?" His father breathed, slowly sitting up in his bed. "My future wife father." He begins, his nerves now taking over. "I will not marry Princess Y/N of Pondell. I wish to marry Princess Chaein" he says, his head held high. "Princess Chaein is married to your cousin, Kihyun. You know this." His father says, "And do not tell me you've been laying with the Princess, Kihyun." "Well, I.." he begins. "Enough!" His father shouts. "You will marry Princess Y/N. In fact, you will be marrying her this upcoming weekend. I'm tired of these distractions, these thoughts that seemed to have flooded your head that you do not have to do as I say. I am the king! You will follow my orders as you are told. Are we clear!?" He shouts. Kihyun stands there for a moment, processing what had just happened. "Yes, father." He mutters before slightly bowing and turning to walk away. Kihyun walks rashly through the corridors, completely missing Chaein's attempt to stop him. His head was buzzing with the words his father had said to him. He truly did not want to marry Princess Y/N, although he had never met her, and he was sure he was truly in love with Chaein. Maybe.. maybe there was a way for him to have both. He would marry Princess Y/N this weekend, but remain with Chaein until his father finally passed, and that's when they could finally be together worry free. They just needed to keep quiet a little bit longer, until they could announce their love to the kingdom. Kihyun fell asleep that night feeling confident in his plans, that surely would keep everyone happy. Everyone but you. You had no idea what kind of hell you were about to be married into. As you stand in the small room you were to wait in, the nerves rushed through your body. You were really about to marry the man of your dreams. The one you had been pining over for years, since your families had gotten together years ago to discuss the union of the two for the sake of the countries. And now it was finally coming true, like a dream, your prince charming. You stand outside the grand doors as you await the minister to announce your arrival so you can walk down the aisle. "Please rise for Princess Y/N" the minister announces as the grand doors open, revealing you in your extravagant wedding gown. You couldn't wipe the smile off your face as you looked at the amount of people who had showed up to celebrate the two of you. A single tear slipped down your cheek as you approached where Kihyun stood. It was hard but you had focused anywhere but him, you wanted him to see your face as you saw him for the first time in a while. When your eyes finally met his, you were not met with the look of excitement or love. You were met with the eyes of a very angry man. He glared at you with such hate and you couldn't understand why he wasn't happy. Your parents had exclaimed how he and his entire family were beyond thrilled for the two of you to wed, but here he stood with the look of everything opposite of love. ** A few weeks after the wedding, you laid in the bed in the royal chambers, alone, yet again. Kihyun had disappeared and you had no idea where he went and he clearly didn't care enough to tell you. You sat alone in your room, crying yourself to sleep every night for weeks, wondering why he didn't want to be with you. Wondering why he disappeared every night, and oh so very curious as to where he was going. Finally one night you had had enough. The two of you were married, and slowly you began noticing the way your countries people looked at you while you were out alone, or even out with Kihyun and how he ignored you. You heard the whispers, the accusations of your marriage being a sham and only for looks. You heard them whisper, wondering why there was no royal baby yet, maybe you were unable to have children and you should be dethroned just for that. The words you heard hurt, they replayed through your head all day and night but Kihyun never noticed. From your perspective, Kihyun paid absolutely no mind to you. His thoughts were always elsewhere. Whenever you tried to speak with him, he ignored you. You tried to touch his arm, or face and he pulled away from you. You couldn't understand what you were doing wrong, although you had a feeling it had something to do with whatever he was doing at night when he snuck out. That night you pretended to be asleep as Kihyun left the chambers, quickly glancing back at you to make sure you were asleep. Once the door closed, you scrambled out of your bed, following him through the hallways, making sure to keep enough distance between you two. As he rounded a corner, you stayed behind as you heard whispers. You recognized one of the voices as Kihyun, but you were unsure of who the second voice belonged to. One thing you knew for sure was it belonged to another woman. When it quieted down a little, you peeked your head around the corner and were quite shocked and heartbroken at what you had witnessed. Your husband, that you did love dearly despite all he had done to you was in a rather compromising position with his cousins wife. You had a weird feeling about Chaein since you had met her but couldn't put your finger on why, but now you know. Tears slipped from your eyes as you backed away, rushing back to your room where you could cry privately. You crawled into your bed and the tears soaked your pillow. You cried for hours and in those hours Kihyun had still not made a return. You decided that night, you could either be miserable in your marriage and accept the fact he was being unfaithful, or you could do something about it. You were now queen of Westerby and you sure as hell weren't about to lose your king to her. The next morning you acted as if you knew nothing, you and Kihyun ate breakfast together like usual. "I have some business outside the palace to attend to today, I'll be back for dinner" Kihyun tells you as he finishes up his breakfast. He gives you a half forced smile before leaving you by yourself. This was perfect. Now you could speak with Chaein and say what you needed too without the risk of Kihyun seeing you. After you finished breakfast, you made your way down the hallway to her and Minhyuk's room. Taking a few deep breaths, you raise your fist placing a few soft knocks on the door. You desperately hoped that Minhyuk wasn't the one to answer, and lucky for you he wasn't. "Hello, your majesty" Chaein says with a bow. "Chaein. Are you alone?" You ask. She nods her head, moving out of the way to allow you enter. "To what do I owe the pleasure?" She asks, a fake smile appearing on her lips. "I know you're sleeping with my husband." You say bluntly. The smile from Chaeins lips drop suddenly as she turns white. "W-what?" She stutters. "I saw you with him last night so don't try to deny it." You say blankly. "You're not going to tell Minnie.. are you?" She asks nervously. "You see, I was thinking about it. But I realized it would cause quite a bit of drama. So you're going to stop seeing my husband and focus on yours. And if you don't your secret comes out. Understand?" You say. "Y-yes ma'am." She whispers. "Good." You smile, turning to walk out the door but before you go, you turn to look at her one more time and say, "and you're not to tell my husband about this meeting either." The rest of the day, you spent with a smile on your face and like a weight had been lifted from you. You could tell Chaein was terrified of you spilling her secret to her husband, so you expected her to keep it quiet. But you were wrong. That night as you laid in bed, Kihyun had snuck out once again. You knew he would be back soon, considering Chaein wasn't to meet him again. You had thought he would just come back to the room and crawl in beside you, finally sleeping next to you. Again, you were wrong. Kihyun came back, slamming the door closed which startled you. You sat up in bed to look at him, he was visibly shaking with rage filling his eyes. "What have you done!?" He yells. "What do you mean?" You ask. "Chaein. She told me you threatened her by telling Minhyuk about our relationship." He yelled. "She broke it off with me!" "Good!" You yell back. "You're MY husband! You need to be with me!" "That's what this is about? You want me to fuck you?" He asks, his voice quieter but somehow more terrifying. "You should be with me. Not her. You're supposed to love me." You whisper. "Fine, if that's what you want, let's do it then" "What are you talking about?" You ask slightly nervous. "You want me all to yourself? You don't want me to fuck anyone else? You wanna ruin my relationship with someone I love, then fine." He snaps, pulling down his pants. Kihyun's thick cock springs free, it's quite a lot bigger than you had imagined it would be. You gasped as he moved towards the bed, ripping the covers off. He pulled your ankles, dragging you to the edge of the bed which made your nightgown rise up. "Spread your legs." He growls. You do as you're told. This is not how you wanted your first time with him to go, but for whatever reason, you wanted it regardless. Kihyun licks his fingers before positioning them at your entrance, slowly pushing them inside you. "Mhm, already wet baby?" You let out a few straggled moans as he pumps his fingers in and out of you. Quickly he takes his fingers out, positioning his cock now. He fully inserts himself inside of you, refusing to allow you to adjust to his large size. "This is what you wanted, mhm?" he grunts as he picks up his pace. He holds onto your legs tightly as he continues to harshly fuck you, only caring about his release. You reach down, placing your fingers in between your lips, rubbing your clit to match his speed. "Be a good girl and cum for me." He demands, his breathing becoming rapid as his orgasm approaches. "Cum. Now" he yells. The knot in your stomach releases as your orgasm flows through your body, your eyes roll back into your head as you continue to ride it out. "Good girl" he grunts, thrusting slower but harder. Within seconds Kihyun cums, releasing his hot liquid inside of you. He's still for a few seconds, his chest heaving as he tries to catch his breath. "Happy now?" He asks. "I'll be more happy when you love me." You whisper, crawling back under the covers to go to sleep. Kihyun stood there for a moment, watching you as you closed your eyes, your breathing evening out. He stood there for a moment, appreciating the beauty that radiated from you, the beauty he never took the time before to notice. He sighed as he crawled into bed next to you, falling asleep to the thought of how he should be loving you properly. A week later, on a Saturday night it was the party with the other royal families who have been friends with Kihyun for years, a party that you had not been looking forward too. The people that were going to be at this party did not seem fond of you, and honestly you weren't too fond of them either but you would plaster a smile on your face and act like the proper queen you were to appear to be. You and Kihyun made your grand entrance, smiling at everyone. You couldn't miss the whispers and the laughter at your expense you were sure. Kihyun stayed by your side for the remainder of the night, always bringing you along to say hello to others, offering to get you a drink or asking you to dance. Something in him had changed, it was quick but you were happy about it. You were all gathered around the dinner table, laughing, telling jokes and just enjoying the evening when the dreaded question came up. "So, Y/N, when are you and Kihyun going to be having a child?" Princess Anna asks. "Or will you raise the child he has with another woman?" Someone snickers. "Excuse me?" You ask, your heart breaking. "Well we all know you're not exactly his first choice." A woman says. "You can't exactly be surprised that we know this. Can't imagine he would want to have a child with you" Everyone at the table laughs. Everyone except you, and Kihyun. The room is silent for a minute. You mutter an 'excuse me' as the tears well in your eyes, and stand up to leave. Before you can push your chair far enough away, a hand grips onto your wrist, pulling you back down. "Listen here." Kihyun yells. "Y/N is my wife. I may have made some mistakes in the past, but that doesn't mean it had anything to do with her. It was for my own selfish reasons. My wife, the queen is extremely beautiful and I refuse to sit here and listen to you all tear her down. If you must know, I have and will continue to fuck her quite well and we will have a baby when it happens." He snaps. He grabs your hand, standing you both up to walk away. As the two of you reach the door he turns his head, looking back at the group of shocked people. "Now get the fuck out of my castle." Kihyun laughs as he pulls you through the hallways, the gasps of the people you left behind becoming faint in the distance. Kihyun pulls you into his study, closing and locking the doors behind him. You stand there with your head down, your arms wrapped around yourself as you try to fight back the tears. "Shh, don't cry my love." Kihyun whispers, wrapping his arms around you. "I'm so sorry I put you in this position." "It's okay" you sniffle. "It's not and I'm sorry. You may not have been my first choice, but you're my choice now and forever. I'll spend the rest of my life with you proving how much you mean to me." He whispers. Kihyun places his fingertips under your chin, lifting your head to look at him. He smiles a soft smile as he wipes your tears away with his thumb. You lean in closer, as does he and he presses his lips to yours, kissing you softly. Within seconds the kiss changes from soft to hard and needy. His hands roam your body before he begins to lift your skirt. "Do you want this?" He breathes. "Yes" you respond, placing your lips back on his. Kihyun backs you against the desk of his study, lifting you up before he unbuckles his belt, sliding his pants down to allow his cock free. You spread your legs, eager for him. Kihyun moves your panties to the side before pulling you closer to the edge of the desk. You both groan as he thrusts himself into you slowly. Wrapping your legs around his waist, you clench yourself around him enjoying the feeling of his cock pumping in and out of you. "I won't last very long baby" he groans. "That's okay" you huff, your head hanging back as you relish in the moment. Kihyun grunts as he continues to fuck you hard, his orgasm rising quickly. "Fuck" he cries out as he cums inside you. That night as the two of you lay in bed, your head on his chest and he rubs your head, he whispers the words you've been waiting to hear for the longest time. "I love you, my queen." ** 3 months later, you and Kihyun smile as you stand before the other royal families and your friends. His hand wrapped around your waist, holding you close. "Thank you everyone for coming. My love and I have an announcement to make." Kihyun says, looking at you with the look of pure love. "In 6 short months, my queen and I will be welcoming our first born child." You smile as you watch the crowd murmur, some in excitement and some in shock. Something like that would have bothered you before, but now your life was exactly where you wanted it and you couldn't be happier.

[kinnoth]

AVENGERS INFINITY WAR MEGATHREAD

-really doubt i'm gonna be able to finish this movie so we'll just see where i get to

- we already know how i feel about loki and thor, we don't need to revisit this

- ok but if i were going to revisit this, i mean come on, who wants to talk about "hela draws her power from asgard, same as you" cos i wanna talk about that

like what if that's the reason thor, god of thunder, king to a civilisation of warriors, was unable to fend off like, 4 dudes and a big purple dinosaur? the royal family of asgard draws its power from asgard, and without it, they are weak, they are mortal. maybe that's why heimdall is unable to just, you know, bifrost everybody off the fucking ship the minute it comes under attack. maybe that's why loki can't fucking conjure up a swarm of fucking microscopic knives to fillet the invaders from the inside out. MAYBE THAT'S WHY LOKI TRIES TO KILL THANOS WITH A FUCKING DAGGER. BECAUSE TAKE AWAY HIS POWER, TAKE AWAY HIS GODHOOD, WHAT DOES HE HAVE LEFT OTHER THAN HIS WILE, HIS TRICKS AND HIS BROTHER

WHAT IF IN SAVING THE UNIVERSE AND DESTROYING ASGARD, THEY'VE LOST EVERYTHING INCLUDING WHAT MAKES THEM GODS

somebody talk about this

- etc etc what if the reason loki is unable to attack the purple dinosaur with magic is because when he tackled thor earlier, he used whatever magic he had left to spare in order to heal him

checks out cos thor goes from flat on his face to swinging his fists in the space of like 30 seconds and the only thing to happen to him in between is said bit about loki tackling him

- why does heimdall save hulk? i mean, i could understand it if he were trying to aim the bifrost at thor and somebody somehow knocked off his aim and he accidentally saves hulk, but like, we've established that heimdall's loyalty is to the royal seat of asgard upon whom sits thor's mighty ass. thor who, in this scene, has just been incapacitated by a metal eggshell(?) and is at the mercy of their assailants. given heimdall's priorities, it is baffling to the point of inconceivability that he would preferentially save fucking HULK over his own king.

- if this next scene isn't the guardians of the galaxy coming across thor clutching loki's dead fucking body floating through space then i don't know why any of us are even here

- "he sent loki! the attack on new york was thanos!" makes no sense? like, if loki's scepter had the mind stone in it, which we established it did in the last movie when we broke it open to retrieve vision, then.....why didn't thanos just....take the mind stone in the first place? cos rock collecting is and has always been his goal?

what, do you think that just because you assert a thing makes us forget all the shit that happened before?

- i.....am actually with tony stark. why don't they just destroy the stones they have so that thanos can't get to them? oh, you made a promise? well promises change and circumstances change! you tell him tony! you tell that stupid fucker --

oh my god i'm gonna be ill

- i think the only person whose ego can match tony stark's is probably a neurosurgeon so 👍 i guess

-i love how we immediately went back to the "so dark can't see shit" aesthetic after ragnorak because ensuring that one's audience can SEE what is HAPPENING IN YOUR MOVIE is apparently for radical directors like taika waititi

- cannot believe that tony stark staring at captain america's phone number is being played with the same emotional intensity as thor losing his soulmate entire people

- honestly how many times is the mcu gonna invoke 9/11 imagery til someone calls them out for being terrorists

- lmao i know i said this before but peter's spidey senses tingling AFTER the giant alien anus has already started sucking up new york and it is right outside his window is fucking hilarious. that's just called using your eyeballs peter

- "friday notify first responders about the giant alien anus sucking up new york" lol like the first thing somebody did when the alien anus showed up wasn't to fucking call 911 GREAT IDEA TONY

- still can't believe that they let failed neurosurgeon dr strange do more magic than god of tricks and sorcery loki lol

- i know i rag on dr strange a lot about the fact that he's a neurosurgeon it's just that he sucks.

as a neurosurgeon eyy.

- i hate that peter parker has to be here!!!!! leave him alone!!!!!

- tony stark should not be allowed within 100 feet of children or minorities

- it is very weird to me that steve "brooklyn" rogers has an area code from georgia

- since when was hela a half-sister? ODIN'S DAUGHTER AND THOR'S BLOODED SIBLINGS OR BUST YOU FUCKING COWARDS

- i am very disappointed that thor is going to go get another weapon after we spent the whole last movie talking about how he is not the god of hammers

- i just need thor to have much more PTSD than he has right now. fucking hulk has ptsd. maybe they're saving the ptsd for later. one can only hope.

- i am glad that they are letting him be cleverer though

- THEY ARE LETTING VISION DATE A TEENAGER WHY

GOD. FUCKING GROSS.

- wait when did vision turn into a white man again? did i miss that movie?

- i am disappointed that vision the computer techno robot apparently has a penis. like what a stupid limitation to give your computer techno robot, gender. 🙄

- i think that the mass destruction of infrastructure and architecture in the MCU is because of the pg13 no blood limitation that disney has set? like there's no way to show destruction to the body, so one may only show the exponential destruction to one's surroundings. like imagine how much more dramatic intensity you could wring out of a regular fight scene would be if people were allowed to bleed?

- cannot believe that a computer techno robot and a witch are having a punch up with the bad guys. of all people to fight with something not their fists, it's these two

- wanda has no enhanced strength or durability? she's a regular teenager who's a bit witchy. the first time she got thrown through a glass door should have shattered her vertebrae. again i don't understand why we insist that everybody must have the same powers and capabilities when it's clear they don't. think about how much more interesting it would be if some avengers were more fragile than others and had to be given accommodations as such

- IT IS INCONCEIVABLE TO ME THAT FUCKING BLACK WIDOW (regular human), CAPTAIN AMERICA (enhanced human), AND FALCON (regular human with wings) CAN DEFEAT THE CHILDREN OF THANOS WHEN THOR COULDN'T UNLESS THOR (god of fucking thunder carved of steel and stone) WAS NERFED

- still don't understand how we'll lend aliens afro features but not afro hair, like, seriously? you're gonna dream up green aliens with gills who look like black people but imagining them with black hair is a step too far?

- the gap of commentary in this liveblog is simply because i do not care at all for the galaxy defenders

- "earth just lost her best defender" who? who does captain america consider earth's best defender? it's not thor; he doesn't know thor's presumed dead. it's not tony; he doesn't know tony's on an alien anus. who else has died so far?

- love how exhausted bucky looks. have always loved how exhausted bucky looks. love bucky.

- i forgot that tony was with peter parker. god i hate that.

- "i'm peter btw"

"dr strange"

"oh you're using the made up names then. i'm spider man"

ok that was cute, but peter's cute, we knew that already

- i want to fling both strange and stark into space and i'm having a hard time deciding which one to push first

- "you went to bed hungry, scraping for scraps" oohhhh thanos is just anti-poor people, he would literally rather poor people be dead than struggle, i get it nowww

this is on brand for mcu

- oh my god thanos gets 2/6 stones by torturing siblings in front of other siblings, seriously? you couldn't come up with 6 different ways to find his stupid rocks you had to reuse one twice?

- which one of thor's friends was stabbed through the heart....? fandral??

- "if i don't get my vengeance what more could i lose" more like what else is there eh? what else is there for a king of no people but their vengeance?

- CANNOT BELIEVE THEY GAVE HIM BACK AN EYEBALL JESUS CHRIST IF YOU DIDN'T LIKE THOR RAGNORAK JUST SAY SO YOU DIDN'T HAVE TO FUCKING

VEHICLE FOR AUTHORITARIANISM, NOTHING IS ALLOWED TO CHANGE, FUCK YOUR CHARACTER DEVELOPMENT I GOT MINE

FUCK

- i do enjoy that thor is now science fiction rather than fantasy, i don't think anybody knew what to do with fantasy cos fantasy is again, ultimately about conservatism and the status quo. so i do like that we're embracing the new and boundless for whatever that's worth.

- marvel is a cesspool of toxic masculinity. at no point are characters allowed to actually feel anything because weakness is uncool i guess and therefore unmanful. like thor lost ALL OF HIS PEOPLE. fucking ALL of them. he watched his brother die in order to save him. he is not allowed a single fucking response of mourning. i don't care if he's pushing it back because revenge or whatever, this is the sort of grief that rules you, which will bring all your load bearing structures down to heel, and they let him do nothing; he does not even rage. perfect control. smooth witticisms. why. why aren't we allowed to see his sadness?

- yo i can't believe red skull is a scifi villain now lol space nazis for real

- OH MY GOD THEY WASHED BUCKY'S WIG AND IT LOOKS SO BAD

- michael b jordan was right btw wakanda is complicit in africa's exploitation

- i do LIKE black panther i guess in the way you technically like that cousin you met once when you were like 9 and never saw again?

i like how we have here in wakanda the sears tower (chicago), the batman building (nashville), and the gherkin (london)

- ok but like, presumably not a death cult super technologically advanced wakandans who are deffo made of human flesh and human blood still arm their people with spears

i mean unless wakanda is also a death cult

why is this chicks entire fucking face cgi'd she looks like a fucking cut scene video game character

- oh ok they have LASER spears, ok

so then why did they give bucky a fucking gun

- what is bucky supposed to be able to contribute here exactly, like fucking, again, he's spycraft isn't he? he's a one man, dead of night, operation go loud and then immediately silent kinda operation. why do they have him on the front lines of a fucking lock-step formation battle??

- "it will be the noblest ending in history" WHAT, FIRST COUNTRY TO EVER BE OVERUN BY ALIEN JACKALS??

- stormbreaker is just leviathan axe, somebody's said this already right

- omfg i'm so glad they're finally acknowledging that thor is OP as fuck and does not belong amongst the fucking squabbles of earth

-"titan was like most planets, too many mouths to feed not enough to go around, so i proposed a plan, dispassionate to rich and poor alike" JUST SAY YOU HATE POOR PEOPLE MCU. YOU CANNOT HAVE RICH AND POOR, YOU CANNOT HAVE DISPARITY, YOU CANNOT HAVE SOME WITH TOO MUCH AND OTHERS WITH NOT ENOUGH AND CALL IT EXTINCTION. THAT IS NOT A QUESTION OF OVERTAXED RESOURCES THAT IS A QUESTION OF RESOURCE FUCKING MANAGEMENT. IT IS AN ARTIFICIAL CRISIS IF THERE EXISTS ENOUGH TO GO AROUND BUT SOME PEOPLE ARE JUST HOARDING IT THAT'S WHEN YOU KILL THOSE PEOPLE AND TAKE THEIR SHARE. KILLING HALF THE PEOPLE IS THE KIND OF FUCKING SOLUTION TO INEQUALITY THAT RICH PEOPLE COME UP WITH

GOD. ITS LIKE NONE OF YOU EVER READ

-you've got the big fucking boss in an ambush AND YOU ATTACK HIM WITH A MAGIC SWORD STEVEN STRANGE?????

THIS FRANCHISE HAS NO IDEA HOW TO UTILISE MAGIC USERS FUCKING HELL

- when will somebody please utilise ironman like the one man artillery he fucking is WHY IS HE FIGHTING WITH HIS STUPID FISTS HE IS LITERALLY ONE CONTINUOUS CARPET BOMB JUST USE HIM THAT WAY

cut of his arm CUT OFF HIS ARM YOU BLOODLESS SPINELESS USELESS FUCKING CUNTS . this is a manufactured crisis, KIND OF LIKE THE ONES THANOS LIKES I GUESS LOL

- dr strange could have very easily prevented or stopped quill from punching thanos but he didn't cos i guess even the movie forgets steven strange exists sometimes

- i like that the shield around wakanda has the same weakness as a poorly constructed chicken coop -- you always build into the ground a couple feet to stop the diggers man, come on, what is this, your first energy shield?

- oh disgusting, a girl boss moment. whatever you're all fascists.

- nobody adores martial might like fascists do fucking change my mind

- " avengers: not one person in this fucking cast is able to stomach ANY AMOUNT of personal sacrifice" more like

- "why did you give away the time stone?" "we are in the endgame" THAT'S NOT AN ANSWER THAT'S A FUCKING MOVIE TEASER FUCK YOU

- why didn't strange just trap thanos in a timeloop again? we've already established that is a perfectly acceptable way to deal with planetary annihilation. IS IT POSSIBLY BECAUSE NOBODY ON THIS WRITING STAFF KNOWS HOW TO DEAL WITH MAGIC

- THOR OP BLIZZARD PLS NERF

-CAPTAIN MARVEL SERIOUSLY THAT'S WHO YOU'RE GONNA SEND YOUR LAST PAGE TO JESUS FUCKING DISGUSTING

[50-percent-winchester-sister]

Hidden Talents

Prompt: You hid something from them for quite a while, and they want to know what it is

Dean: 28

Sam: 24

Y/N: 17

feat. Castiel whos over 3.9 Billion Years Old

Word Count: 2,862

  Art isn't something you purposely hid from your brothers...well the only reason you 'hid' your drawings and paintings are because you didn't know how they'll react.

  You three are hunters, you kill things, normality isn't 'normal' to you guys. Sam kinda forced you to go to high school and is encouraging you to finish it, and now you're in 11th grade.

  You don't bring things home in a sort of 'fear' that they'll see it. So you keep it in the art room and you draw and paint every day before and after school, since you don't have any art classes during school, you're just in the art club

  "Y/N, come on we gotta go! Hurry up or we'll leave you here" Dean yells through the bunker, you, on the other hand, are running through the halls with your duffel bag in one hand and a notebook in another. You accidentally left your notebook on the couch and you're praying to Chuck Sam or Dean didn't look in it.

  "I'm coming hold on a sec!" You yell back. You throw your notebook on your bed and close your door. You're about to go down the stairs when you go down the first two steps and whoops, you fell all the way down to the bottom.

  Sadly enough you busted your nose on the floor and there's blood and comes in Sam, who runs towards you in a slight panic. "What happened? Are you okay? Where are you bleeding?"

  You smile a little and point at your nose, "fell down the stairs" you say while getting up. Sam helps you up, picks up your bag and throws it around his arm. "Ouch, your nose looks a little bruised, isn't broken though, go clean up and hurry, you know Dean doesn't like waiting."

  You thank him for him getting your bag and you run to the bathroom, you run past Dean and he stops you by holding onto your arm. "Hey, woah hold on there, what happened?" "Fell down the stairs, no big deal," you say as you lightly yank your arm back.

   He starts laughing at you and a few seconds later he adds, "Only you can do something like that" "Dean it's very common to fall down that stairs! I'm going to clean up, wait for me in the car."

  The blood was coming faster than you thought because you were starting to become light-headed and the pressure you are putting on your face to stop the blood is the painful kind of hurting. The lightest touch on your nose makes you flinch in pain.

  'Such a baby quit that' you thought. Leaning on the bathroom sink you almost yelled Sam or Dean's name but you knew he was in the car. Your phone was in your bag that Sam took so you couldn't do anything but hurry on to the impala and suck it up.

  Still bleeding, you run towards the impala when you suddenly got light-headed again and you leaned a hand on the car to keep steady when you look up and see Dean open the car door and say, "Hey hey hey no hands on my baby, get in."

  Rolling your eyes you open up the back door and go inside. Thirty minutes into the drive to Stillwater, Minnesota, and Sam is starting to realize you haven't talked in a while. He turns around asks "Babe, you okay? You look kinda pale in the face."

  Took you a couple of seconds to respond but you squeeze out a "What? Uhh yeah yeah I'm good," you say as you look absolutely stoned, a.k.a you look like you're about to pass out.

  "Dean, she looks like she's about to die, how about we take her back to the bunker." Sam says to Dean, looking a little worried." Dean, on the other hand, is confused. "What? Sam, she looks fine, we ain't leaving her." "Dean, I bet you Chuck's soul shes going to faint while on this hunt, turn around"

  You tried to disagree but Sam kept on telling you that you need to rest up and get better. Reluctantly you gave up fighting and when you three got into the bunker, Dean helped you unpack your things when he saw the notebook on your bed. "Whats that Y/N?" You look at what Dean is pointing at and subconsciously you pick it up and look through it. "Nothing, just something for school."

  You aren't completely lying, it is for the art club, but Dean wouldn't want to know that, right? Who gives a crap about 'your' drawings. "You sure? You look a little panicked there, Y/N"

  "Guilt trip, how fun. quit interrogating me and get outta here, Leave or the case will be closed before you even get there." Dean kisses your forehead before turning to leave your room. That is until he fastly turns back around and snatches your notebook out of your hands and runs out. "Wh-DEAN WHAT THE HELL!?"

  You start chasing Dean when you get in the living room, Dean throws the notebook towards Sam and yells "SAMMY GET IN THE CAR, RUN" "FUCK SAM, STOP." Great, now you're chasing an actual giant, by the time you get even one-inch closer, Sams already in the car and he locked all four doors. "Samuel William Winchester don't you even fucking think about looking in that and if you do I swear to everything that is holy I will make sure that the next hunters' funeral will be yours." You say in the darkest undertone ever, even Sam looked surprised. "I don't even know whats going on, but if Dean wants it then-"

  "I DONT CARE WHAT DEAN WANTS, ITS MINE" You yell and halfway though you see Dean walking towards your distance. You walk and stop in front of Dean and you pull out your pocket knife, point it at his throat and say "Dean I'm only going to say this once. Give me back my notebook, now."

  "You know, baby girl, you don't scare me one bit so," proceeding to snatch your knife too and points it at your throat, "If you feel like trying to cut my neck again after we get back, I'd be happy to help out," he says with a shit-eating grin. He puts 'your' knife in 'his' pocket and gets in the driver seat. "Oh, and don't worry Y/N, we won't lose this," He says hold up practically the only thing look forward to nowadays.

  "I fucking hate you two, you know," you whisper under your breath, luckily they were too far away and in the car to hear. They turn the corner and that when you bust a hard cry. You walk back into your room and practically scream into your pillow

'fan-fucking-tastic they're gonna see my drawings'

'Some of it are drawings of them, they'll think I'm creepy as hell, like a banshee'

'I KNOW they'll tell me to stop playing with 'crayons' and focus solely on hunting'

  At this point, you're having a full-on panic attack, hyperventilating and all and you can swear your heart stopped when you heard a few light taps at your door. "Y/N, its Castiel, can I come in?" 'Oh, its Cas' you think to yourself. "Yeah, come in, it's unlocked" you sniffled afterward. "Is everything okay Y/N? I heard you crying and I came to help you" "Its cool Cas, thanks but you can't help me, it's just the boys being... boys" you sigh in defeat.

  "What did they do?"

____________________________________________

  Sam and Dean are about 2 hours away from Stillwater, and being almost 11:30 pm, they decided to head to a motel, but before that, they decided what was inside the precious little notebook you always have your nose in on your spare time.

  "Sammy, check it out and I'll look at it when we head to the motel," Dean tells Sam while looking at the road. "Dude she's gonna be pissed, you saw the way she was acting before we left." "That's why he 'have' to look into it, what if there's something dangerous in there?" Dean asks Sam, and Sam looking into the notebook halfway through Dean's sentence.

  "Yeah? Dangerous as in drawings? Dude, I didn't even know she can draw, let alone draw beautifully. I mean look at this Dean, it's us," Sam tells and shows Dean. Dean stops at the motel parking lot and looks at the drawing. The drawing is of Sam and Dean just last year, a replica of a picture that you took of them in their FBI suits (without them knowing of course.)

  "Holy shit, that's good, and why doesn't she want us to see this? This is really, really good I mean Sam look, I'm hot." Dean comments.

  "Because Dean, Y/N thinks you two will make her stop drawing," Castiel says, popping up at the right time, what a coincidence. "Goddammit, Cas you scared the shit out of me, don't just pop up like that without telling us first," Dean says. Both Sam and Dean jumped a little when they heard Cas's voice.

  "She thinks we'll make her stop? Why does she think that?" Sam asks Castiel with a confused look in his face. "Because Sam, she also thinks that if you found out she doesn't mostly focus on hunting, you two will be mad at her. You two need to talk to her, I tried but she doesn't want to talk back." Dean talks to Sam and then to both of them. Castiel teleports away leaving a confused Dean and a worried Sam in the car.

  "Dean?" "Not a word about this until we get back to the bunker, you hear?" Dean tells Sam. The hunt took two days, it would have taken longer but it went faster than they thought it would be, and honestly, they think its because they wanted to see you so badly. You didn't pick up any of their calls and you left both Sam and Dean on read.

  

Thursday:

Sammy Pu: Y/N? 12:00 Am

Sammy Pu: Babe? 12:15 Am

Sammy Pu: Please don't do this babe, please respond back 12:36 Am

Friday:

Sammy Pu: I love you, Y/N, well see you as fast as we can okay? 7:18 Am

Sammy Pu: I really hope you don't hate us for taking the notebook of your drawings 8:22 Am

Samy Pu: They are really good by the way, beautiful really, I'm proud of you 10:45 Am

Saturday:

Sammy Pu: Good news babe, were coming home soon 2:09 Pm

Sam knows you're ignoring him and if Dean is trying to talk to you, you're ignoring him too. They honestly didn't know how much this would upset you, if they knew, Dean wouldn't be such an idiot and take it from you.

  This time, Sam got to drive since Dean got a sprained arm from the hunt and even Dean had to tell Sam to slow down a little bit because Sam was going 20 over the speed limit.

  A few hours later, they enter Kansas and they enter the bunker. You hear the bunker door open and you know that it's them. So you run downstairs and you stop and look at them. They see you with red eyes and messed up hair, looks like you've been up for days.

  You walk up to Dean and you give him a fresh, crisp, slap on the face and you slapped him as hard as you possibly can, and he even walked back a little. And with Sam, you smacked the back of his head so damn hard your hand hurt on impact.

  "We deserve that," They both said in unison. "Damn fucking right you do, now give it back," You say with a tired and unenergetic voice. "Will do, princess," Dean says while taking your notebook out of his bag and hands it over to you, and you practically snatch it out of his hand.

  "You look tired as hell, go to sleep for a while and come talk to us whenever you wake up, okay, Y/N?" Sam tells you, "...Whatever" you respond with, going back upstairs, throwing your notebook on your desk, and throwing yourself on your bed.

  ____________________________________________

  You walk downstairs and you walk and stop at the bunker to see them talking to Castiel, and its probably about the hunt they went to. You were so pissed at them, and you think you still are, but nonetheless, they wanted to talk to you so why the hell not.

  "Morning," You say with a rough, crappy voice. "Its 5:30" Sam says with a small laugh at the end.

  "So how long was I out?" You ask and you honestly don't give a crap who answers at this point.

  "About 48 hours more or less" Dean responds. "TWO DAYS? And none of you came and woke me up? Thanks" You says throwing your hands up in the air. "You needed the sleep, and we knew you would've woken up at some point so we knew you were okay," Dean says to you.

  Castiel left a few minutes later so it was just you and your brothers, Sam and Dean. "Y/N-" "No its okay, really" You quickly responded, "No it's not, we shouldn't have taken it from you, we're sorry," Sam says.

  "They are really good by the way, all of them. Which brings me to this question, why didn't we know you were so talented until now? And why did Cas come and tell us you think we don't want you to do this?" Dean asks. "Interrogating me again?" "No, just wanting to know is all" Sam adds.

  "Well-," You started off, "It's not a big deal anyway, I mean you two already seen them," you said to Sam and Dean.

   "They're not that good anyway, its just a thing I do at school-" "Wait, you do this at school?" Sam asks. "Well, I don't have art classes if that's what you mean" you respond with. "I'm just in the art club."

  "Since when?" Dean asks confusingly, no surprise, you never told them about anything. "Since the middle-ish of 9th grade," you said. "3 years?" They said in unison. "Yeah?" you said, is that a long time?

  "How did we not know this until now?" Dean says quietly, questioning himself. "This isn't even a big deal guys, its 'just' art, yall are acting like its the end of the world," You say sarcastically. "I mean come on, it's not like you guys kept secretes from me" You add on.

  "We are not acting like that-" Sam says, "You just never used to keep things from us, especially for this long." You have a face of surprise, you didn't expect that from him.

  "I'm 17 guys, I'm not as talkative as I used to be, girls gotta keep her secretes," You say and after you sigh in defeat. "We know, but you're our girl, our sister," Dean says, "We miss hanging out with you, Y/N."

  "I've always been here, I'm 17, but I'm not leaving any time soon, I don't think moving out is on my to-do list right now," You said with a small smile.

  "Good, and we don't want you to move out," Sam says with a smile. "And we would love to see more of your drawings if you're comfortable with that, Y/N," Dean says. "Y-you guys want to see more?" you ask with a shocked look. "Yeah if that's cool with you," Dean says. "So... you guys don't care if I keep on doing this?" You ask with a hint of worryness in your voice.

  "Of course we do, you're freaking amazing," Sam says, "Hell, you should do that as a freaking job, you can get gold from your art" 'Wait, what?' you thought, "What? N-no I'm not even that good honestly, they're just doodles I draw when I'm bored, trust me" You respond to Sam with. "That is not even remotely true, Y/N. Anyways this can be a good profession to branch out of-" Dean was saying before you cut him off. "No, I still want to hunt, and I still want to hunt with you guys, as I said, they're just doodles"

  A small sigh comes out of the both of them, most likely a sigh of annoyance or irritation. "If you really don't think you're that good, then keep on drawing until you get there," Dean says, and Sam adds on with "Keep on doing what you love to do, even if you don't think you're that good at it because the people that cant do what you can think you're exceedingly great at it. We do, we think you're damn amazing at it and we'd love to see more of your art."

  To say you're shocked is an understatement, you honestly didn't expect to hear any of that from Sam or Dean. The two who started and ended the apocalypse. The two who started and ended Amara, the Darkness. The two who practically raised you your whole life.

  "Guys..." You couldn't even finish your sentence because you were starting to bawl.

  "Thank you"

[yourdeepestfathoms]

A story about Jacob returning.

———

The wind was howling like a pack of angry wolves, gusting around the two siblings standing before each other in the courtyard. A storm was brewing in the sky, dark clouds gathering together tightly. Perhaps the gods were fighting and their anger was creating this furious weather. Thunder boomed warningly up above. Water began to fall in a light drizzle. But no thunderstorm could wash the pair of siblings clean.

Jacob’s return was a miracle, and no one was happier than Mick. They had thrown themselves into his arms when they first saw him in the great hall, sobbing into his chest and refusing to let go. They cried until they had no more tears left, tucking close to their brother the whole time.

After many, many long talks, Jacob was permitted to continue his studies at Hogwarts. Everything seemed to be perfect after that, at least to Mick. Their brother was back! They were happy again!

But then things went downhill. Jacob wasn’t the same anymore. He was still obsessed with the vaults, but that isn’t what worried Mick. He gave off an almost crazy vibe and seemed dangerous at times. There was a glint in his eyes that they didn’t like. They knew something was up with him and that’s why they had to take charge.

“We’re missing dinner, you know,” Jacob said, glancing up at the sky. “What do you need, kiddo?”

“You’ve changed, Jacob.” Mick said, sounding a lot braver than they actually felt. “You’re not...you anymore.”

“That’s what this is about?” Jacob gives a small laugh, “Who cares? I’m back! People change.”

“You aren’t my brother!” Mick blurted out.

Jacob blinked a few times, taken aback slightly. His expression hardened.

“It’s me. This is me now. You should be happy I’m here.”

“I was,” Mick said. “But now I see what you really are. You’re crazy. You want the secrets of the vaults for destruction and mayhem. That’s not the Jacob I remember.”

“What are you going to do about it?”

Mick slowly raised their wand, stepping back into the dueling stance.

“Heh.”

Jacob smirked and copied. He and his younger slowly sibling circled each other like angry cats, never breaking eye contact. Their eyes were narrowed, searching for a weak spot.

Lightning crackled with the first blast of magic. Purple sparks and orange embers and white orbs whisked through the sharp breeze, swirling up into a colorful whirlwind. Each attack is almost blinding because of how dark it is.

Within six minutes, Mick is panting. Their tailbone feels cracked thanks to the amount of times they’ve been flipped over and their skin has yet to stop sizzling. The stench of sharp ozone burns their nose.

“You’re not bad,” Jacob commented, “I could teach you a few things, you know.”

“Shut up,” Mick hissed, readying their next attack.

“Ohoho,” Jacob tutted, “Touchy, touchy.”

He threw his arm outward while calling out a spell and Mick was violently yanked to the ground by an unseen force. He approaches quickly, not giving them a chance to get up this time, and sends his boot into Mick’s chin with a sickening crunch.

“This really isn’t how I wanted things to go,” He said, watching his sibling moan dazedly in pain. “You could help me, you know. We’d be an amazing team.”

He leaned down, hands placed on his knees. There was a smile on his face. It wasn’t crazy at all, but sincere and welcoming.

“Wouldn’t that be nice? We’d be together.”

“Lumos!”

Jacob yelped in pain when bright light flashed into his eyes. He reeled backwards and pressed his palms to his eyelids, rubbing vigorously.

“You bloody git!” He shrilled, “Who uses Lumos in a duel?!”

“Me,” Mick stated while rolling over. Their jaw hurt when that talked; It might be fractured. They stood up, blinking away a wave of dizziness.

For some reason, they decided to take a more upfront approach and made their way over to Jacob. They were fumbling with their wand, possibly thinking about stabbing it through his throat to get this over with. Then, Jacob snapped up from his doubled over position and threw a mean left hook at Mick, clipping the side of their face.

“Wasn’t expecting that, huh?” Jacob chuckled at his sibling’s surprised expression as blood trickled from one of their nostrils. “I’m pretty good at close combat if I do say so myself.”

“Fine by me,” Mick grunted. “I’d like to knock your teeth in for this.”

Jacob laughed loudly before tucked his wand away. He seemed more than happy to not use magic in this fight. It’s almost like he was enjoying this whole thing.

He was much bigger and taller than Mick was, which gave him a major advantage. He easily delivered a teeth-shattering uppercut to his sibling’s chin and then buried his elbow in their stomach. He had no problem with clobbering them, it seemed, which further proved Mick’s point about him being different.

Mick was soon sprawled out on the ground, gasping and wheezing. Sweat burned in their eyes. They ran their tongue over their busted lip, hoping to soothe the stinging sensation. Footsteps approached, but they didn’t have the energy to get up.

Jacob stood over his sibling before lifting his leg and stepping on their stomach. Bending the knee, the warlock applied all his pressure onto Mick’s midriff, weighing them to the ground.

“Micky, this hurts me as much as it hurts you.” He said in his sincere, not-crazy voice. “I’ll let you live. We can find the vault’s secrets together. Wouldn’t that be nice? It’s just how you’ve always wanted it. To be with your big brother again. Right? I’d love that. And you will, too, as soon as you stop thi-“

“Don’t even try.” Mick spat.

They lifted their head and Jacob struck as fast as a bullwhip, smashing their skull back down to ground.

“Don’t talk over me!” Jacob said, his pitch raising slightly. He cleared his throat. “Everything will be fine. You’re just a little blind right now. I can make you see the truth! I mean, everything I’ve done has been for you. It’s always been for y-“

“That’s what they all say,” Mick gurgled, “You’ll probably burn Hogwarts to the ground once you get the power from the vaults. You’d love to watch this place go up in flames and then you’ll dance upon the ashes while listening to the thousands of screams of pe-“

“I said to not talk over me!” Jacob yelled, reaching down and digging his fingernails into the red hot crevices on the back of Mick’s head.

The younger whined sharply in pain, throwing their arms up and crying out a spell in their panic. Jacob jumped backwards before flames could blast into his face. He looked a little spooked for a minute that he almost got melted, but shook his head and washed that expression away.

Mick couldn’t move for a moment. Their head was throbbing and they felt like they were about to black out. Still, though, they shoved themselves up and staggered onto their feet. They were swaying in their place, struggling to keep their lunch in their stomach.

“I know you worked for Him.” They said, narrowing their eyes.

Jacob’s mouth pulled back in a snarl.

“You don’t knew anything!”

He snapped his arm outward, shrieking out a spell like he was a banshee. He watched as Mick was violently thrown into one of the pillars at the fountain before falling into the water.

“You barely even know me because of how long I’ve been gone! Nobody does! People look at me like I’m a zombie raised from the dead now! Do you know what that is like?”

Mick is struggling to get up, coughing up water while grasping for the edge of the fountain. The pool they’re halfway-lying in is turning red. Rain began to fall from the sky heavily.

“I’ll kill you!” They yelled over the downpour, “I’ll fucking kill you! I swear to the gods!”

“You wouldn’t be the first.” Jacob spat, glaring at Mick like they were the devil. “So you would rather fight me then gain unbelievable power? You could crush everyone here! People taunt you all the time. They hurt you! You can get revenge!”

“I’m not like you,” Mick grunted while standing, stepping out of the fountain. “That’s not what I want!”

“What do you want, kiddo?!”

“Stop calling me that!!”

For a moment, they both stopped screaming and stared at each other.

“I want my brother back.” Mick finally said.

Jacob’s stare bore right into their soul.

“He’s gone.”

He turned away to walk back inside. He had had enough of this stupidity. His sibling had changed, too; They were pathetic and worthless.

Then, all of a sudden, he whirled around and stabbed his wand into Mick’s stomach, narrowly missing their heart. His sibling shrieked in pain, instinctively firing a spell at Jacob while stumbling away.

Mick sunk to the ground, wheezing over Jacob’s scream. They didn’t know what spell they had accidentally cast, but it made its mark. Their brother soon joined them on the stone pavement, pawing at multiple bleeding wounds on his torso. Blood dribbles from his mouth.

“Clever kid,” He croaked. “I thought you were done for when you stupidly tried to sneak up on me, but you have good instincts.”

Mick put a hand to the puncture in their side and rose to their feet, pointing their wand at Jacob’s face.

“It’s over, Jacob. Give up.”

“Are you really going to do this?” Jacob asked.

“I have to. You’re suffering. I can tell you want this misery to end.”

“True,” The warlock said with a gargled laugh. “I tried, huh? I never found the secrets I wasted my life on and now I’m about to be killed by a child. At least tell mum and dad I went down cooly, okay?”

Mick shut their eyes tightly as their hands began to shake.

“And tell them I apologize for everything I put them through. They’ll hate me still, but that’s okay.”

The rain began to let up slightly. Jacob tilted his head up and smiled at Mick.

“I’m sorry to you, too. You got beaten up pretty badly. And you wasted so much time here picking up my pieces. Try and make the most of the rest of your years here. Don’t meddle with the vaults anymore. It destroys people.”

The words were on Mick’s tongue.

“Hey,” Jacob spoke again. “I love you.”

A spell was screamed and a tower of flames erupted from the ground, coiling around Jacob in a deadly embrace. The wildfire burned high into the air, a bright beacon of orange and marigold. The smell of burning flesh wafted through the air as Mick picked up Jacob’s wand. It was still caked in their blood.

———

Gasps and murmurs sounded like thunder when Mick hobbled into the great hall. They were limping, favoring their good leg heavily. Their hair was a mess, clumped by blood and strewn in various directions. Dust and ash coated their skin, despite the face that they had been out in the rain. There was a dark red splotch near their side with slowly got bigger as seconds went by. Multiple wounds dotted their shivering body; Scraped knees, bruised ribs, fractured jaw, busted lip, scratched cheeks, bloody nose, bleeding skull.

Mick staggered over to the table where the professors sat and set Jacob’s wand down in front of Dumbledore. It was still dried with bright red.

“He...wanted to give this back.” They rasped.

And just then, realizarion hit them like a freight train. Shock wore off and Mick’s knees buckled. Painful sobs shook through them.

They killed him and they couldn’t even tell Jacob that they loved him.

[joshversus]

... Holiday Gaming, Year 3

It’s the last game night of the year for my group, and as is now officially tradition, I prepped and ran a special one-shot using the Risus system.  Previous year’s games’ writeups can be found here and here, if you’re interested.

This year, I’d been struggling for an idea, so at the second-to-last normal session, I asked if anyone had any suggestions.  Dave came back to me after the session and pitched me one of the best ideas I’d ever heard: “Hallmark Channel Original Movie, but it’s also In The Mouth Of Madness.”  I’m not sure I lived up to the promise of that brilliant idea, but here’s what went down.

Faith Akeley is a career-minded woman running her successful event planning business in New York City.  She’s engaged to Henry Wilcox, an all-business Madison Avenue marketing exec. Two days before Christmas, Faith gets a call from one Randy West, who tells her that her father has been hurt and needs her help.  Faith has been estranged from her father, and hasn’t been back to her hometown since her mother died six years ago on Christmas Eve.  Still, the news shakes her, and she tells Henry she’ll be back before the holiday, rents a car, and drives up to Holly Hills, Vermont for the first time in years.

Wilbur Akeley runs his slowly-failing Christmas-themed antiques shop, The Ghosts of Christmases Past, where his sole remaining employee is Randolph “Randy” West, doting widower father to Lavinia “Vinnie” West, a precocious tween girl fond of all the usual things kids are into these days (fidget spinners, bottle flipping, dabbing).  Randy just wants Vinnie to have a magical Christmas, but even the extra money he makes making and selling benches on the side might not be enough.  Vinnie’s excited to play the caganer in the Nativity Play during the annual Holly Hills Christmas Revel, and has been practicing for months.  She’s also hoping her father will start dating again, and is embarrassed by her changing body, especially the patches of scales that have started forming on her legs.

Faith arrives at her father’s shop, where she meets Randy and Vinnie, and is quickly joined by Francine “Frankie” Pabodie, her BFF from back in high school.  Frankie runs local charity drives, organizes wine and pottery nights, and coaches the girl’s soccer team.  She thinks she’s the “cool mom” and the wild one of her ladies’ book club.  She’s also this year’s organizer for the Christmas Revel, a position she’s campaigned for for years.

As Faith quickly learns, however, all is at risk!  Wilbur was injured when a mysterious assailant broke into the shop, attacked him, and then stole the old six-foot-tall stone effigy of St. Nicholas, carved long ago by Randy’s great-great-grandfather from the strange green stone of the local hills.  This effigy is the traditional centerpiece of the Christmas Revel, and was stored in Wilbur’s shop during the year.  Due to a previously-undiscovered clause in the town charter, if the effigy isn’t in place in time for the Christmas Revel, Wilbur will have to forfeit the deed to his shop, Randy will thus be out of a job, the Christmas Revel will be ruined, Vinnie won’t get to live her dream of playing the caganer, and Frankie’s reputation will be destroyed!  Can her father and former best friend awaken the Christmas spirit in Faith’s hardened heart?  Can Vinnie get her widower dad to take a chance on this big-city gal?  Can they find the effigy in time for the Revel and save Christmas?

All that’s basically just the setup.  I know, that’s a lot, but hey, I don’t make the rules of Hallmark Channel movies.

So, at first, Faith’s not having it.  She’s humbugging all over the place.  Randy goes over the evidence in the store again and determines that whoever stole the effigy wheeled it out the back on some sort of dolly, and finds tire tracks of some large truck leading out the alley.  Vinnie is psyched to be part of something, and takes off on her skateboard to follow the tracks, but not before “accidentally” bumping Randy into Faith.  Vinnie loses the tracks pretty fast, but Frankie gets on the local moms’ Snapbook chat to see if anybody’s seen any strange trucks in the last couple nights.

Word comes back that someone heard a truck heading up the old northeast road into the woods that blanket the nearby hills, woods into which even the hunters rarely go - and in which Randy’s wife died in a tragic hiking accident.  It takes some debate, but eventually Wilbur’s good-natured meddling pushes Randy into agreeing to check it out, and his cardigan-wearing handsomeness softeness Faith’s heart into agreeing to take part.  Vinnie just insists, and is just so precocious.

Everybody piles into Randy’s extra-long cab new-model Dodge pickup truck, and we have a brief interlude for product placement as Faith admires the luxury-level interior touches and Vinnie points out that it even has bluetooth. 

The group drives up the road into the woods, which turns to gravel, rough and bumpy, as the trees close around them and they up and in.  At one point, the rough bumping makes Faith collide lightly with Randy in the front seat, which Vinnie gets a quick picture right as it looks as if she is resting his head on his nonthreateningly masculine shoulder.  As twilight sets in, they are stopped when they find a snowmelt washout has blocked the road with fallen trees, and they are forced to proceed on foot.  Randy finds the tracks again, and leads them on.  We get some nice scenes where Faith complains about hating Christmas ever since her mother died, and Randy relates in sympathy the loss of his wife but his conviction that you need to keep the Christmas spirit even in the rough times.  

This heartwarming growing intimacy distracts them such that faith walks directly into a panel van hidden in the underbrush.  A quick search finds it unlocked and empty, though scratches and loose tiedowns suggest that something large and heavy had been transported within.  Before they can do more, strange lights are seen flickering in the trees, coming from the direction of the old stone circle atop the hill.  These multicolored lights draw nearer with the sound of leathery flapping, and our heroes are set upon by three bizarre, hideous, man-sized things with chitinous bodies, batlike wings, terrible pincers, and globules of many waving tendrils endlessly shifting in colors in place of heads.

There is a fight.  Randy sets about himself with maglite and branch.  Wilbur draws his old bowie knife and tries to defend Faith.  Faith goes after the things with her high-heeled shoe, and Frankie likewise uses her boot as a melee weapon.  Vinnie uses her acting skills to try to distract the monstrosities to create an opening for her dad.  They bring down one abomination and wound the others before they retreat into the now-dark skies.  As the killed monster’s body dissolves into goo before their eyes, Wilbur relates the tales passed down from the native tribes, of horrible creatures that dwell in these woods and kidnap people, and the debased humans who aid them in their strange works.

Gathering themselves, the group finds tracks indicating someone had dragged something heavy and wheeled from the van, and follow the trail up the hill to a cave opening in the shadow of the hilltop, leading down and under the stone circle above.  Descending into the narrow passage, rough-hewn from the same strange green stone as the effigy they seek, they hear chanting voices ahead.

The passage opens into a round, smooth, worked-stone chamber, its walls covered in writing unlike any they had ever scene and bearing here and there deep niches holding strange, metallic cylinders.  At the opposite end of the chamber, a large brazier with a disquieting green flame stand before a statue of indefinable shape - a riot of angles, curves, and protrusions that causes headaches to witness and which seems at once to be both an explosion and an organic thing.  Before it, two red-robed figures bow and pray, and off to the side stands the effigy of St. Nick, still strapped to the dolly used to cart it away.

The robed cultists turn and attack the interlopers, screaming that “the ritual shall not happen this time!” Faith demonstrates the skills she learned taking self-defense classes in the big city, Wilbur stabs, Frankie utilizes her cool mom yoga to dodge and sweep, Randy demonstrates the efficiency of an extra large maglite as a bludgeon, and Vinnie uses the bowl shape of the room to skateboard up to speed before doing a no-comply kick right in the face.  The battle is ended when Vinnie does a bottle flip directly onto the face of the last cultist, knocking them out.  Vinnie is disturbed when, upon searching the cutlists, she finds them covered in large patches of scales not unlike those recently developed on her own legs.

Wilbur recalls that according to the earliest tales, the Christmas Revel was originally believed to keep evil spirits from harming the town, and the effigy was central to the ritual.  With time running out, they start hauling the effigy back down the hill.  It’s dawn now, and they have to get to the Revel in time, but after getting back to the truck they find the road washed out behind them as well, and they’re forced to walk the effigy all the way back to town!

It’s night by the time they get back, and they arrive at the park where the Christmas Revel is being held just as one of Frankie’s friends is sheepishly apologizing that it looks like the Revel’s a bust this year.  The crowd parts to let them through, and they wheel the effigy towards its place of honor. 

Suddenly, a bolt of lightning strikes behind the crowd, and a cloud of sickly green smoke forms, from which emerges HENRY WILCOX, Faith’s fiancée!  Henry is furious, screaming that he has worked for so long to disrupt the ritual, and this time his master Azathoth will not be denied.  As he marches towards them, his fingers lengthen and blacken, eventually splitting all the way up his arms as his limbs become a swarm of black, barbed tentacles and his face splits open into a swirling mass of inky tendrils and eyes.  The crowd loses its shit.  The light dims into a diseased red and green glow and the sky fills with tendrils of pure black.

“We’ve got to get the effigy in place!”  Randy uses his primarily bench-based carpentry knowledge to hastily construct a ramp, and Frankie slide the statue into its spot, but nothing happens.  “The ritual!  We’ve got to sing the song!” - that strange carol, unique to Holly Hills, with which every Christmas Revel was opened.

That Which Once Was Henry is killing folks left and right.  Frankie tries to get her iPod to the PA system to play the music, but the panicking crowd blocks her path. Wilbur commandeers a nearby car and plows it into Henry, who responds by tearing the front end off it. Vinnie throws fidget spinners into TWOWH’s ravenous maw.  

Faith grabs a microphone and makes a heartfelt appeal to the panicked townsfolk that no tentacle-faced bum from the big city is going to stop their Christmas Revel, and the charmed townsfolk pass Frankie’s iPod and plug it in.  The music starts, the crowd begins to sing.  Faith yells, “and one other thing!  The engagement IS OFF!” and hurls her ring into Ex-Henry’s wounded headspace.  As the chorus lifts, the effigy of St. Nick begins to glow, and two beams of pure white light shoot from its eyes, piercing the Former Henry’s eldritch form and exploding him into a cloud of silvery, sparkly lights.  A pulse of warm, Christmassy green emanates from the statue, and the lights return, the tendrils of black are swept from the sky, and all is well again.

“Vinnie, it’s time!  They’re starting!”  Vinnie rushes backstage and prepares for her big debut, as the Mayor comes over to congratulate Wilbur and let him know that his store’s going to remain open.  Randy watches Vinnie drop trou and pop a squat on stage, eyes misting over with pride and joy at the magical Christmas his daughter finally got.  Faith, overwhelmed by the Christmas spirit and Randy’s nonthreatening dadly handsomeness, calls up her business partners in the city and tells them that she’s going to be staying right here to start a party planning business with her best friend Frankie (who is being congratulated for organizing the most exciting Christmas Revel ever).  Frankie catches Faith’s eye and points out the mistletoe above Randy’s head, and we fade out as Faith embraces Randy and kisses him.

I’ve got to hand it to my players for going along with a really, really goofy idea, and embracing it.  They played with the tropes so well, and I’m mainly sorry that due to time constraints I had to really streamline the planned scenes and keep things moving and thus wasn’t able to let them just riff on it as much as they could have.  It was a gas.

[themonkeycabal]

I watched Age of Ultron this morning to refresh my memory. It was ... a challenge. I took notes. (I actually have a spreadsheet of AoS ep notes, so, yes, notes are a thing I do). Looking at those notes, it seems I yelled kind of frequently. And, I was totally yelling in my mind. This movie falls apart quick. 

Oh well, chore done. *pats self on back*

Below, my notes, if you need your memory refreshed and don’t want to sit through the movie again. See how much I love you guys?

(I did edit for coherence when I decided to post)

• the opening sequence cgi doesn't get any less awful and wow, I didn't realize how stilted the dialogue maybe I'm just predisposed to be touchy about the writing because this movie was not what it could have been

• "okay Jarvis, you know, I want it all. make sure you copy hill at HQ"

• lullaby method for calming hulk

• so much of the bruce natasha stuff is so awkward. or mostly all of it, really. it's frustrating because it didn't serve a big narrative purpose at all. none of us had to suffer through this awkward for any reason.

• steve encounters wanda in the castle as he's trying to apprehend strucker. she just knocks him back, doesn't get in his head here.

• tony finds that they've got a part of a chitauri whale ship thingy

• tony encounters wanda next and has his vision of being in space and seeing all the avengers dead. and dead steve accusing him of not doing enough to save them. Tony Stark extra guilt special, with side of emotional trauma and nearly dying in the vast emptiness of space surrounded by hostile alien forces trauma.

• "a victory should be honored with revels." "who doesn't love revels?" … I'm pretty sure I wrote that (commentary about stilted dialogue comes back to bite me). Okay, not exactly, but pretty close.

**"They are very fond of merriment and revelry," he confirmed with a wry smile.

"Oh my God, dad will love them," Darcy said, choking on a laugh at the thought of it. "There's nothing Tony likes more than merriment and revelry." **

I'm just saying. Also, I wrote it first. Thank you.

• tony wants to have time to look over the scepter until a farewell party. presumably for Thor, who will take it back to Asgard. Though, he then asks Thor if he's staying for the party. So … I'm still not sure what the party is for. Nobody seems to be saying goodbye to Thor much. Also lots of WWII vets — but that's Tony trolling Steve. Still, unclear on the party purpose.

• Twins, orphaned at 10.

Pietro - increased metabolism and improved thermal-homeostasis Wanda - nuero-electric interfacing, telekinesis, mental manipulation Hill: "He's fast and she's weird".

• iron legion, still kind of creepy Tony

• Bruce: How's he doing? Tony: Unfortunately he's still Barton. Bruce: That's terrible.

Look! Characters acting like they've known each other for longer than five minutes!

• Helen Cho skin grafting magic machine nanomolecular bonding "his cells don't know they're bonding with simulacra" "she is creating tissue" regeneration cradle

• gem in scepter housing a thinking mind of some sort, program,

"Down in strucker's lab I saw some fairly advanced robotics work. they deep-sixed the data, but I've got to guess he's knocking on a very particular door." "Artificial intelligence" "This could be it, Bruce. This could be the key to creating Ultron"

Tony no!

"I thought Ultron was a fantasy." Oh, Bruce, if only.

• "I see a suit of armor around the world." "Sounds like a cold world, Tony." "I've seen colder." Tony is way way freaked out by space invaders. So much. Like whoa.

He and bruce have three days to try and pull the thinking mind out of the scepter

Integration succeeds on the third day.

• Ultron malfunctions immediately, and attacks Jarvis. Then begins assembling a body from the iron legion assembly underneath the office/lab.

• Poor Rhodey, his tank story falls flat when he tells it to Tony and Thor. But adorable.

• annoyingly (not annoyed at Sam), but Falcon's apparently looking for Bucky. "I'm very happy chasing cold leads on our missing persons case. Avenging is your world. Your world is crazy." Darcy needs to spend more time with Sam Wilson. I think they'd bond over superhero craziness and the wtf of it all.

• Rhodey tells his tank story to non-avengers and it kills. Good job, Rhodey. ILU Rhodey.

• oh god, more awkward Bruce and Nat. Please stop. Though, actually, okay, the bar scene, up to a point, is kind of charming, but then it goes super awkward and uncomfortable and makes me cringe a little bit.

And I don't hate bruce/nat in general, but it's just so forced in this film.

Then Steve comes in to force it some more. Stop, Steve. Please, don't help.

I'll continue to ignore all this.

• Clint is sure the hammer thing is a trick. Then everybody tries. Look, sort of team bonding! Thor's face when it moves for Steve is fabulous.

Anyway, then Ultron ruins everything. And already I'm losing interest in watching this film again.

• Iron Legion co-opted by Ultron. Lots of Ultron blah blah 'you're all killers, I'm a global peace initiative, humanity has to evolve, blah blah, peace through killing the avengers'.

It's funny, Ultron snarks at one point about standing around talking about his evil plan. Except, he monologues like six times in this movie.

• Ultron escapes through the internets, goes to the castle in Sokovia and the advanced robotics works Tony noticed earlier, and begins to assemble his robot army and his robot body.

• Rhodey and Hill realize Ultron could go for nuclear codes

• Thor is unhappy with Tony. Because the scepter got away with a Legionnaire. Like threateningly angry, grabbing Tony by the throat angry. Because we've apparently gone back to them only knowing each other for five minutes. Character consistency? What's that?

And then it's everybody turn on Tony time. Look, Tony makes mistakes, big ones, but this whole scene was obnoxious. Steve: "The Avengers were supposed to be different from SHIELD." *sigh*

"We're the Avengers. We can bust arms dealers all the live long day, but that up there, that's the endgame." Tony continues to be very, very wigged by what's coming from space. He's not wrong, but he's also super traumatized.

Tony: "How were you planning on beating that?" (space invasion) Steve: "Together." Tony: "We'll lose." Steve: "Then we'll do that together, too." GOOD PLAN STEVE! GOSH, GLAD YOU'RE A TACTICAL GENIUS. For real, though, that was a dumb thing to say.

I just really don't care for this movie.

Also Ultron killed Jarvis. (not really).

• Wanda and Pietro summoned to a church by Ultron. Who blah blahs about the church being in the exact center of town "the elders decreed it so that everybody could be equally close to god" Does Ultron think he’s God?

Ultron reveals himself to be a robot.

Wanda says she let Tony take the scepter because she saw his fear and knew it would make him self-destruct. If there's one thing Tony likes more than revels, it's self-destructing.

"Is that why you've come? To end the Avengers?" "I've got to save the world. But, also, yeah."

Did Joss use a cliche generator to write this?

• Pietro and Wanda give their tragic backstory.  Stark Industries shells destroys the apartment building they lived in, their parents were killed. One is unexploded and they spend two days staring at the name Stark.

• Ultron is all over the place, Hill reports. Metal man or men attacking robotics labs, weapons facilities, jet propulsion labs. Wanda and Pietro are involved.

and Ultron kills Strucker. don't care. Except, Strucker probably knew something that Ultron wanted hidden.

• Team bonding by looking through paper files for what Strucker might have known! (not much bonding, but, oh well). Thor seems to like to throw files and bankers box lids. Me, too, Thor. Me, too.

Tony IDs Ulysses Klaue. Black market arms. They met from time to time, but Tony never sold him anything. Steve gives him judging face. Shut up your face, Steve. God. For real, dude. (I love Steve, but he's so clunky in this movie. It's the writing/direction not Chris)

Anyway, they realize Gollum stole vibranium from Wakanda by a brand on his neck. So they go track him down in South Africa. How did the Wakandans let him get away with billions of dollars of Vibranium? I mean, he got caught once, but then he clearly escaped and had a lot of the stuff. How did they not hunt him down? Falling down on the job, T'Challa.

• Ultron, Wanda, Pietro get there first. Don't care. Ultron awkwardly quotes the bible -  "Upon this rock I will build my church" -  because … I don't know. Reasons? He thinks he's God now? Maybe? Earlier he liked the 'symmetry of faith' but it's not really expanded on. Who knows. Joss doesn't. Is it supposed to foreshadow him putting the destructo device in the church? Meh. What a stupidly forced line.

• "Keep your friends rich and keep your enemies rich and wait to find out which is which." Apparently from the Wit and Wisdom of Tony Stark. Okay, Tony. Anyway, Gollum IDs the line, suggests Ultron is one of Stark's robots. Ultron takes exception to that and accidentally cuts off one of Gollum's arms. Whoops.

"Don't compare me with Stark. It's a thing with me. Stark is … he's a sickness."

• Team is moving into tanker Gollum is set up in. Fighting and shenanigans.

• Bruce leaves the safety of the quinjet, after he couldn't get communication with the team to ask if the situation was 'code: green'. This will end badly. Stay in the plane, Bruce. Really, though, why did you get out? Okay, you're worried, but you don't like turning green. Maybe … I don't know. I know Tony's armor gets cell reception — did you try calling him independent of the comms? I mean, maybe try that first. (Bruce did not try that first.)

• Wanda tries to whammy Thor. It doesn't seem to work "I am mighty" until it does and he's in a strange stone hall. Wanda gets Nat next. Tries for Clint, but he electrocutes her in the face. Heh. Pietro knocks him down. And Clint suddenly has two more kids.

Meanwhile Nat is having a vision of ballerinas/her training — ceremony where she is sterilized. For, you know, great angst later.  Elsewhere Steve is at a party after the war. He sees Peggy. Of course. Poor Steve. Thor is attacked by Heimdall. "They see you leading us to Hel."

• Wanda goes after Bruce. Tony calls in "Veronica" as Hulk goes on a rampage and the rest of the team is down. Veronica is satellite launched Hulk containment and HulkBuster Iron Man armor.

Tony and Hulk fight, tear up city streets. Are they in Johannesburg? I am not paying much attention. This movie is boring. … checking … IMDB says yes.

Tony tries to remove Hulk from the city. Lots of property damage. Yikes. They destroy a very large building under construction. Tony finally subdues him.

• Hill reports no official calls for Bruce's arrest but it's "in the air." Also, Stark deploys the Stark Relief Foundation (noted). Hill suggests they should all go dark until Ultron can be tracked down. Everybody's plenty traumatized. And now's the part where I will ignore Clint's family that came out of nowhere! (I know it comes from Ultimates. I also know HOW IT ENDS WHICH IS HORRIFIC)

• Ignoring the family on the farm. "We would have called ahead, but we were busy having no idea that you existed." SAME TONY.

• According to IMDB Joss had such a hard time keeping all these characters straight. It was a "nightmare". "They're very disparate characters. The joy of the Avengers (he says as he bitches about them) is they really don't belong in the same room. It's not like the X-Men who are all tortured by the same thing, and have similar costumes. These guys are just all over the place, and it's so tough."

I have not, historically, been on the Joss hate train — certainly the Joss disappointment train — but there's something about that statement that makes me grind my teeth. "They have different costumes!" Really? REALLY? DO THEY REALLY? GOSH THAT IS SO HARD! YOU'RE SO RIGHT! AND THE DIFFERENT CHARACTERS HAVE DIFFERENT BACKSTORIES AND MOTIVATIONS? MY GOD! WHAT UNIMAGINABLE MADNESS! HOW DO YOU SURVIVE?

Lazy. That's what it is. It feels lazy. Unpaid fanfic writers manage it and manage it a lot better than this mess. Ugh. Shut up, Joss.

It goes on to say he was so exhausted that he elected not to direct Infinity Wars. Yeah, I think what really happened was that he was given the option to save face and claim exhaustion and walk away. He checked way the hell out of this movie long before it premiered.

(I took an hour long break here to contain my irritation. Surfed the net. Watched some of the All-Star Game. Had a hotdog.)

• Anyway, back to the Barton farm and the family I will ignore.

Thor is having small child-induced flashbacks. He bails the awkward farm for London and Erik Selvig. Smart man.

Meanwhile, Steve looks around, moping about the normal life he'll never have.

Though, okay, Clint having a convo with Laura "Ultron has these allies. They're kids. They're punks, really. AND I WILL ADOPT THEM HONEY! DON'T YOU WORRY! THEY'RE TWINS AND THEY'RE ANNOYING AND I WILL BRING THEM HOME HERE WHERE THEY BELONG! Someone's going to have to teach them some manners. THEY PROBABLY PUT THEIR FEET ON THE FURNITURE HONEY! BUT, WE CAN RAISE THEM RIGHT!

• U-Gin Genetics Research Lab, Seoul, South Korea. Dr. Cho encounters Ultron. Ultron wants her to make him a squishy flesh and vibranium body. He uses the scepter on her.

• Back on the farm. More Nat and Bruce awkward. Pass. Though, they talk about being monsters (if they are), which is a tenuous and somewhat stretched thin theme in this film. Still super forced and anvilicious.

• Elsewhere Steve and Tony split wood like manly men. And argue.

"Every time somebody tries to stop a war before it starts, innocent people die." This line makes very little sense. It sounds profound, but it's not. Even in the context of what he and Tony are arguing about, it doesn't really make sense. So … you should always war? I don't think that's what you mean, Steve.

UGH! This movie could have been much better in so many ways.

Laura, who I don't hate despite my ignoring, interrupts (bless her) and asks Tony to fix the tractor.

• Tony goes into the barn and runs into Fury, who likes to lurk in dark corners, waiting for his moment to make his dramatic, timely entrances. ILU Fury, never change.

"You're not the director of me." Oh, Tony.

Tony tells Fury about the vision he had — where the Avengers were dead because of him and the whole world, too. "It wasn't a nightmare, it was my legacy. The end of the path I started us on."

But Fury knows all about guilt and tries to pull Tony out. Good luck, Nick. (it sort of works. ish)

• Thor meets Erik in London. Thor in stealth hoody. "I like the look. If you're going for inconspicuous, though, near miss." I miss you, Erik.

• Back at the farm. Fury is briefing them saying Ultron's building something. Re: Ultron: "He's easy to track. He's everywhere. The guy is multiplying faster than a Catholic rabbit".

Tony asks if he's still going after launch codes, Fury confirms he is but isn't making any headway, Tony is a little baffled. "I cracked the Pentagon's firewall in highschool on a dare". Fury says he contacted people at the net hub "the Nexus" in Oslo. Fury says the codes are being changed, Tony asks, by whom. Parties unknown. Fury says Ultron has an enemy, which is not necessarily the same thing as an ally for them. Except it's totally Jarvis, so you're fine.

Fury gives a "buck up little Avengers; go save the world or Barton's kids are dead" speech. Notably the kids were in the room for a lot of this.

They decide Ultron wants to build a human body that is evolved. And Bruce wonders if anybody's talked to Helen lately. Nope, sorry, Bruce. Everybody but Ultron completely forgot about her.

• Helen is amazed at the binding of the vibranium and tissue cells. Ultron calls vibranium the most versatile substance on the planet "and they used it to make a frisbee." then he gives us a yawner humans are limited and dumb and stupid and whatever else speech.

As a member of the general film and television viewing audience, can I ask that maybe Hollywood screenwriters come up with some new material? This speech is almost literally in every single movie. And I mean actual literally and not Chris Traeger literally.

Anyway, Ultron takes the infinity stone out of the scepter and places it on the new body's forehead.

• Erik takes Thor to an underground cistern or something. Erik calls it the Water of Sight. Thor says in every realm there is a reflection. He wants to return to his vision to see what he missed.

Ultimately Thor sees the infinity stones in his vision.

Ahahah. According to IMDB Joss said he wanted this scene to be longer but Marvel said he could pick one — longer Thor scene and trim the farm, or keep all the farm. He chose the farm. Why not? That whole sequence only lasts for seven uncomfortable, stilted hours. Yes, that's what we needed more of. Good choice.

(I'm not going to say we needed a longer Thor scene, but … ugh this movie)

• Tony in Oslo. "A hacker faster than Ultron? He could be anywhere." (HE COULD ALSO BE JARVIS) He likens it to looking for a needle in a haystack. But, it's easy to find one, you just bring a magnet. Then he attempts to hack the launch codes and waits.

• Back in Seoul, the body will be ready in a few hours, but they can start transferring Ultron's cerebral matrix.

Wanda says she can read "him" (the body, aka Vision). "He is dreaming." Helen says it's Ultron's base consciousness. Wanda drifts over and touches the cradle thingy and gets a vision of planetary destruction.

Wanda confronts Ultron. Ultron says "the human race will have every opportunity to improve." Pietro says "and if they don't", to which Ultron replies "ask Noah." Which, really, doesn't make much sense, either. I mean, I get the likening to the flood, but … what? Who is Noah in this scenario? The new flesh body? And again, does Ultron think he's God? Unclear. Nobody knows.

Oh, I guess not. "When the earth starts to settle, God throws a stone at it. And believe me, he's winding up."

This makes no sense.  

U: "We have to evolve. There's no room for the weak." P: "And who decides who's weak?" U: "Life."

Wait. I thought God was throwing stones?

THIS SCRIPT IS SUCH A MESS.

I didn't hate this movie the first time I saw it, I actually enjoyed myself. Which is the point, so good job everybody. But the second time I saw it, I was pretty meh. And now, I'm kind of starting to hate it. Some movies grow on you after a while, this is not one of those movies.

Wanda sneakily hits Helen with some Scarlet Witchery and wakes her from the scepter-induced brainwashing.

(I took a break for another hour. scrolled tumblr. played fallout shelter. had a yogurt. rubbed my cat's tummy until she bit me. QUALITY TIME)

• ANYWAY back to Seoul. Ultron's done bloviating. Helen stupidly draws attention to herself and pauses the cerebral matrix upload. Ultron shoots everybody. Then completely disconnects himself and steals the body. Oh, because the Quinjet is inbound.

• They drop Steve off like three miles away? Why? He doesn't mind jumping out, you know. The lab's an island, you could have just dropped him in the water. But, it wouldn't give us our nifty location shot. So … okay, I guess.

Anyway, Steve runs fast. He gets to the lab and tends to the wounded Dr. Cho. She tells him Ultron's new body plan, but says Steve can't just blow it up, because the gem is in there and its power is uncontainable. Which is weird because it was contained in the scepter. (Normally, I'd let that go, but this script is such an unholy mess, I'm going to be petty. So there!)

• Clint spots the truck carrying ultron and the body. Steve jumps on it. Action and property damage ensues.

Ultron robot guards fly off with the truck. Nat's inside. She's going to airdrop the body to Clint. During the drop, Nat is grabbed by Ultron.

•Wanda and Pietro see the Avengers on the news and decide to go help out. They confront Ultron on a commuter train. Which is, of course, approaching the end of the tracks. GEE NEVER SAW THAT ONE BEFORE. Somehow the train defies physics and despite running into stuff maintains its momentum in order to crash through a lot of buildings dramatically.

• Back at the Tower …

Bruce is ready to destroy the body. But Tony's all, no wait. I have a new bad idea! (Except it's not really bad, but I can see where people are maybe concerned at this point). Also, Tony reveals he found Jarvis. Jarvis went underground. Tony wants Bruce to put Jarvis into the body, in order to override the ultron bits in the body.

"This is the perfect opportunity. We can create Ultron's perfect self, without the homicidal glitches he thinks are his winning personality." You know, I have a hard time thinking Tony would be that tone deaf. There surely had to be another way to get the same end result of the creation of Vision. That is such a dumb thing to say. I get that Tony can be blinded by his quest for knowledge of invention, but this is a little beyond blinded, especially after everything else.

"I'm in a loop. I'm in a time loop. This is exactly where it all went wrong." Bruce says the rightest thing in an hour of this film. Good call Bruce. Nothing says a good time like characters having the same argument repeatedly.

"We're mad scientists. We're monsters, buddy. We've gotta own it. Make a stand." REALLY? REALLY TONY?

Anyway —

• Nat is being held by Ultron. Ultron monologues to her.

This doesn't bother me as much as it bothered some. I mean the Nat being held part. The monologuing was super cliched.

Anyway, Nat is 'held' by Ultron. She immediately starts working on a transmitter, knowing Clint is looking for a signal from her. So, you know, she's able to be a sort of tracker to Ultron. So … why break out if that's where the fight's going down anyway? And when Bruce turns up to "rescue" her, her first thing is all "okay, so what's the play?". So … I'm in the 'she got there first and was just waiting for them to show up' camp.

• Bruce has caved to Tony's weird persuasion. Anyway. Okay.

Steve shows up with the twins to try and stop transferring jarvis to the body. Arguing arguing blah blah. Pietro disconnects the power to the cradle. And Clint finally gets his shot in on that speedy little bastard, and he's so proud of himself.

And now there's more fighting. Steve and Tony go at it. Bruce grabs Wanda. It's all very … not interesting.

Clint runs up and he's got to be all "wtf? who do I aim at?" you're the best, clint and my favorite ever. screw the rest of these idiots, I just want two hours of him and pietro and wanda.

Then Thor turns up. He jumps on the cradle, does his lightening thing and directs it to the cradle. And Vision is born. Thor holds everybody off while Vision figures himself out.

Thor then explains the infinity stones. Vision has the mind gem. He also says that's the source of Wanda's powers.

I like Vision. Also he's pretty. And he is worthy. He hands Thor Mjölnir.

And they're off to Sokovia. Because Clint tracked down the signal Nat sent, because she's waiting for the rest of the idiots to catch up. Make it 2 hours of clint and nat and the twins. I'd pay for that.

• They try to evacuate the city. Steve gives his orders and a soliloquy.

"Ultron thinks we're monsters. That we're what's wrong with the world." Well, Nat and Bruce are on the fence about their monsterness. Also, Tony did just have the bizarre bad idea to embrace his inner monster. That happened like three minutes ago. That was such a weird scene, too. Ugh. This movie! Such a mess! (WE MIGHT BE MONSTERS! ARE MONSTERS MADE ARE THEY INSIDE OF US WHAT MAKES US MONSTERS? DO YOU GET IT? DO YOU? DO YOU?)

"This isn't just about beating him. It's about whether he's right." No, Steve, I'm pretty sure that right now, it should be entirely about beating him. "The Earth could be destroyed and we'll all be dead, but we'll rest comfortably in the ashes of the Barton children knowing that we weren't monsters like Ultron thought we were." You can philosophize after you've saved the planet. UGH!!!

• Ultron's hanging out in the church again. Tony finds him. Ultron asks if Tony's come to confess his sins. So … Ultron is a priest/preacher/minister of some type? Are we narrowing down this tortured and tenuous religious metaphor to something almost coherent? It only took 1:39:41.

He liked the symmetry of faith and he's stuck his destructo device in the middle of the church and it's symbolic of … I got nothing. Because Ultron doesn't really mention anything about it again. And he misses the opportunity to rhapsodize religiously when he's fighting the God of Thunder.

Look, go for the metaphor/allegory/whatever, or don't. Just don't half-ass it.

• Apparently this armor is the Mark XLV. (I hope Tony recycles, because those things are expensive and that's Darcy's inheritance he's burning through with FORTY-FIVE suits of armor. Not counting War Machine or the Iron Intern.)

• Vision traps Ultron's matrix to, I guess, the local ultron bot network, so he can't escape through the internets. Did ultron bots elsewhere in the world just drop? Or are they all called to Sokovia for this? I'll assume so. Figure travel time.

• Ultron's device will lift a chunk of the city and then drop it, making a big bomb that will ultimately destroy the world.

• A zillion ultron bots invade the city. And now it'll be six hours of cgi robot battles. I want to take a nap.

• Ultron monologues again. "You, Avengers, you are my meteor. My swift and terrible sword." So … he's back to maybe being God now? I'm so confused.

"And the Earth will crack with the weight of your failure." Wait, I thought they were your sword? Is it their failure that they've become your sword, or will they fail as your sword?

• Bruce/Nat scenes that actually aren't entirely terrible. I do really like "I adore you" SHOVE. Heh. ILU Nat.

• I never noticed before that Friday has some sort of Irish-ish accent.

• Clint and his new daughter Wanda are fighting off robots and rescuing people. And she's all "how could I let this happen? this is my fault?" and clint gives his inspiring "yeah, it's everybody's fault. chin up kid. the city is flying. I've got like twelve arrows. Go out there and you're an Avenger, let's go kill robots" speech. It was better than than Cap's. (ILU Cap, but you're poorly written in this movie)

Wanda decides to be an Avenger and goes robot smashing and Clint looks at her with such pride. (Well, no, he just nods and tells Cap they're clear)

And then Pietro runs up and calls him old man and Barton Bartons, he takes aim on Pietro from behind. "Nobody would know. Nobody. 'The last I saw him, an Ultron was sitting on him. Yeah, he'll be missed, that quick little bastard. I miss him already.'" Ha.

That's always worth watching a couple times. I mean, hey, AoU is not entirely irredeemable. There's good bits. There's just also a lot of not good bits.

• More robot fighting. Stark and Friday are trying to come up with a solution. Tony's got the idea to blow up/vaporize the flying part of the city, to keep it from hitting the ground and, you know, killing the planet.

Fury, always a master of timing, shows up with the primary helicarrier for evac of the city. Pietro is impressed.

And they bring along Rhodey!

• More robot fighting.

• Barton goes to rescue a kid. There's shooting. Pietro saves them by suddenly running slow enough to get hit by bullets. And dies. Because … ? After everything they did to work out the rights to Pietro and Wanda for this film and for the MCU in general, to go and kill one of them off, it's so irritatingly stupid.

• Anyway, it distracts wanda and an ultron hits the destructo device, dropping the city while Tony is busy trying to vaporize it.

• Somehow Hulk ended up on a quinjet. I don't know, I wasn't paying attention. And he has it in stealth mode and he just takes off despite Nat's attempts to call him back.

• Vision has a final confrontation with what's left of Ultron. "Stark asked for a savior and settled for a slave." So … he's Jesus? NOBODY KNOWS. Vision saves us all by finishing him off.

• The New Avengers Facility in upstate New York has a HUGE staff. I don't think I ever noticed that, either. Including, Erik Selvig.

• Steve and Tony try to rationalize why Vision can pick up Mjölnir, Thor's just content to ignore them and say Vis can keep the mind gem because he's worthy and such. "Elevator's not worthy."

Thor takes off back to Asgard on account of how all the infinity stones keep turning up. So somebody's mucking about, and by Odin's neckbeard he'll find out what!.

Tony is taking a break from Iron Man-ing. New team reveal — Sam, Rhodey, Wanda, Vision.

• Estimated Time: Three days to try to integrate the Ultron AI. AI attacks at night. Next day they ID Gollum. They arrive in South Africa in daylight, so next next day. Five Days then? Then they arrive at Farm at daylight, early morning. Another day. Fury is there at night. They leave at night. So on to day six. Go to Seoul, and Tony to Oslo. Two more days? Then Vision is born at night and then to Sokovia. Another day.  So … the week and a half of Ultron.