#I WIN AT LIFE MWAHAHAHAHA

[userautumn]

[avionvadion]

Now I have to ask, what kinda Yugioh deck would Idia and El use?

Hehehehe

El’s deck is largely based off my irl one- which is a “soul sucker” deck. It has dragons and magicians as the main monsters she uses, but mostly relies on all her spells and trap cards which were chosen specifically to either give herself more life points or to attack the opponent’s life points directly, and some of those cards involve a coin toss to decide whether she’s attacking the opponent’s life point or giving herself more.

It’s gonna piss Idia off, and Azul is gonna hate the coin tosses because of his vendetta against “luck” games.

Because Idia will think he can just make an offensive line of monsters and wipe her out that way since the monsters she has are all pretty weak, but nope, no, she has cards that can wipe clean the WHOLE FIELD so he has to start over from zero. Idia will probably focus more on mechanical monsters (he definitely has that XYZ Dragon- Idia is Seto Kaiba confirmed?) and magical girls (definitely has Dark Magician Girl) but two of El’s monsters are Light Magician Pikeru and Ebon Magician Curran, and while one gives life points to El the other will drain Idia’s life points for EACH MONSTER HE HAS ON THE FIELD. One wouldn’t think it but man do the numbers rack up quick.

(I only have Pikeru lol but darn it El is getting Curran because I say so lol)

When Azul gets a deck…. He is GETTING THE OJAMAS. MWAHAHAHAHA. He probably has Exodia in his deck too just to try and figure out the perfect way to shuffle (because LUCK DOES NOT EXIST damn it) so he can summon Exodia quickly before El and Idia both kick his ass.

Idia and Azul have only beaten El a couple times at Duel Monsters. She has WIPED THE FLOOR with them though.

But it’s okay. Idia kicks El’s ass at chess. El lasts like two hours against Azul, giving him a good run for his money, before he wins, and he and Idia are always 50/50 over who wins chess. Azul wins at Monopoly, Idia ironically wins at LIFE, El wins Chutes and Ladders. They have a little white board to keep track of who’s in the lead of which game while El has a page in her notebook dedicated to how many wins and losses each one of them has.

It’s chaotic. 🤣

[the-blossica-fan]

Hi I would like to ask how Tootz got together? What are notable interactions they have with the rest of the cast?

This AU is so cute!

This is the ask, MWAHAHAHAHA 😈

They met back in highschool, when they were around 14-15 y/o and their relationship back then was... Rough, to say the least.

Zhang (Z) would have a lot of pressure on her back to get good grades, she would work day and night to get good grades but she still had her weaknesses. Humanities, for example.

Adjusting to English after living in China all her life was hard so her grades suffered from that change.

In comparison, Campbell (Tooth Fairy) had good grades effortlessly. A prodigy in all subjects, guaranteed to be able to study medicine without any extra problem.

Zhang was pretty envious of her and her parents compared her to Campbell. She would be pretty rude to Campbell all the time and make passive-aggressive comments.

But Campbell isn't innocent either. Knowing Zhang's attitude she would purposefully mess with her with her own comments, making Zhang angry.

They were pretty immature back then, understandably so, and their relationship was covered in banter and passive aggressive comments to one another.

They had this sort of rivalry where Campbell would always win and Zhang would end up pretty sad and petty.

Those were their highschool years, until they were in their graduating year.

The two had matured, from 14 to 17 is a big difference. Their relationship wasn't as childish as before but still pretty rocky.

It wasn't until Campbell offered, out of her own will, to help Zhang with her studies. There was a bit of animosity and suspiciousness but eventually they found out they had more in common than they had thought.

Despite Campbell's natural teasing personality, she was pretty soft and caring, a good teacher. She would help Zhang without any sort of teasing comments. Quite different from the Campbell Zhang has known through her highschool years.

Campbell had always known that Zhang was actually pretty smart and quick to catch up, she just found it cute when she would sulk or glare at her during classes.

She regretted finally talking to her properly so late in high school.

It was during those sessions that they became good friends, and after graduating, they spent their vacations together either studying or having fun just the two of them. They had friends, but it was different. As if only they could understand each other.

In college their relationship felt distant. Campbell went to medicine as expected, while Zhang studied Accounting and Economics. They were extremely busy so their hang outs were few and short.

During those months apart they realized they missed each other a lot, they had gotten so used to seeing each other in class or during vacations that it felt empty when they couldn't see each other for so long.

It was their Sophomore year in college, when they were 20, that Campbell finally confessed her feelings to Zhang and oh God, the tears.

Though their relationship didn't change as much, they had a lot of opportunities to call, message and visit each other. They were girlfriends now, it was to be expected.

It felt more comforting now that they were finally together and when they had free time, they would be at each other's house, watching movies, cooking together or just enjoying their time.

They moved together months after, they got used to being together all the time so they would see each other at home.

They married at 25 and haven't been able to let go of each other since.

Tooth Fairy still teases Z a lot, and Z, while being a lot more mature than before, would still have those moments of embarrassment.

It's noticeable they truly love each other a whole lot. They have plans to just live their life together if possible, but they accidentally end up adopting kids like Sonetto, Blonney and Jessica around.

No they're not actually adopted but they act more like their parents than their own parents.

[percy-the-enby]

Hello!!! it beith meh! (Please read that as dramatically as possible) I can’t sleep and wanna bug you! >:D! Via something that I don’t think makes a noise so you won’t be woken up if asleep! Mwahahahaha.

I wanted to ask ya. To determine the fate of the world (win me a argument) if you had to pick one to eat forever: salads or casseroles?

Please have a spectacular whatever time it is when you read this!!!!!!!!!!!!

Hhhhhhhmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm

I think I would die

I really don’t prefer either and the idea of having to stick to one food for my entire life that isn’t like… pasta… is absolutely mortifying

But in that vein maybe casseroles? If you consider like baked ziti or lasagna to be a casserole

But then there’s tortellini salad, which I could totally see myself eating for the rest of my life cause tortellini is bae (kill me).

But also I would never be able to have any kind of desert ever again and I think I would simply sob

[traincoded]

vettonso, baby :)

hehe hehehe hehehehe. mwahahahaha

When Fernando Alonso retires, this time for real, for good, no take backs, no new series – he says he does it for himself.

It's not F1 but it is racing. Childhood devotion, Teenage crushes, the highs of his twenties, an inadvisable marriage with a pop star, a divorce and a prolonged midlife crisis – they all have always happened in between races.

He imagines getting behind a wheel and not even trying to find the line ever again and discovers that thought makes his shoulders turn to steel. So he keeps up, with young ones, incomprehensible little children of the new millennium. Fernando's Spanish gets more Mexican. A world reduced to potential trajectories is how he intends to live out the rest of his life.

Jenson chatters, bringing inane gossip and updates from everyone's life back in Europe. His kid – the fourth one is racing in EuroKart. When he wins the title, his father invites all his old friends out to Monaco. There's a joke about Ben being very starry eyed. It's probably about funding, but Fernando goes anyway – because it's in offseason.

Most of the gang's all here, even Lewis – probably because his driving schools have hired every coach at some point or the other. Mark is holding court with DC. Across the room, Sebastian has stepped out from wherever he is hiding. He's chatting very seriously with Jenson's youngest daughter with his hair tied back in an identical ponytail.

Fernando had missed her third birthday during the hubub of a double header on opposite coasts. He suppresses an annoyance that he's come to expect over 3 decades and steels himself to get through the milling guests. When he's close, she sights him approaching with something shiny, assuming correctly its for her. She tugs at Sebastian to stop talking and watch him approach with a quiet, strange solemnity.

"Hey darling, how are you doing?" he asks an unsmiling Kristen.

"Fine. Can I get my gift now?"

He's not her father, and Sebastian is unhelpful as ever, so he shrugs and hands it to her. "Sorry it's late," he mentions, uncomfortably realising that she probably didn't understand why he didn't come before.

She casts a baleful glance at him, and immediately sits down on the floor to begin unwrapping it.

Sebastian giggles.

It's a Kimoa bandana and a transformer that turns into a car. Her nose wrinkles at the box.

"Do you want help opening the box?," asks Sebastian, while Fernando marinates in the disappointment of a toddler.

"No." Her voice has the tell tale sound of a lie about to be told by a child.

"Cars are for babies," she announces.

"I am not a baby." She turns to Fernando to confirm this bit.

He repeats, "You are not a baby. This is a special car. It's also a robot."

"Oh." She sounds almost mollified. Sebastian approves, delicately gesturing his head at her brother with his friends.

"It's only for very smart girls who can do the changes," he adds.

"Thank you, Nando," she intones, solemn again.

She looks up at Sebastian. "Please?"

Sebastian sits down next to her.

"Shouldn't Uncle Nando help too?"

"Okay," she concedes.

They spend an hour with her, unwrapping and assembling, swearing under his breath about bad instructions. Sebastian is easy with her, drawing her out when she retreats with an easy joke.

He thinks about it again. There could just time for him, unbracketed by racing. It wouldn't be losing.

[tinyboxxtink]

“Words Fail” Chapter 4

Chapter 3

Chapter 5

WOWOWOWOWOOWWWW! 2 Chapters in ‘One’ day?! [Yes I know it’s like 3 am.] 

I guess I really am back y’all, the words just spill over in my brain again, I had to write them down. And I really hadn’t planned that little extra angsty jab, it just kinda....happened. Mwahahahaha.

I don’t know if I’ll get another chapter out tomorrow [today?] But until next time lovelies, enjoy! Or cry, whatever. 

Tag List

@agentcable

@madamsnape921

@lolliepopsicle

@chasingeverybreakingwave

@milkshqke

@wanniiieeee

@gibbs274

@sassyada

@aprildecker-blog

@bookishfanfic

@stars-in-the-skies-world

@stars-trash-18

@omgsuperstarg

@objection-argumentative

@thatesqcrush

@shittanyy

@mrsrafaelbarba

@word-scribbless

@storiesofsvu

@believinghurts

—————

It had been a few minutes since you had run to the bathroom, and Olivia was beginning to worry.

“You should go check on her,” She suggested.

“Why don’t you go check on her?!” Rafael huffed. “You’re the one who invited her,” 

“I’m not the one who upset her,” She retorted.

“Oh for fuck’s sake--” Rafael dropped his fork with a mutter of spanish swears. 

“Please?” Olivia batted her eyes, knowing he would do anything she’d say either way. 

“Fine,” He sighed and got out of the booth, continuing to swear in spanish under his breath as he walked to the bathroom and knocked on the door. 

“Vivian? You okay?”

---------

On the other side of the door you had one hand on either side of the sink, looking into the mirror with a very serious face. You had been attempting to give yourself a pep talk which so far, had no effect on your panicked state whatsoever. The knock at the door didn’t make it better.

You gasped and yelped in surprise at the knock of the door, causing Rafael to make a face on the other side of the door. “Vivian?” He called again.

“Y-Yeah, I’m fine,” You lied. What else were you supposed to say? 

“I’m...sorry, I was asking a lot of questions,” His voice sounded absolutely insincere, but you couldn’t blame him. If you were him you wouldn’t believe you either. Mostly because you were indeed full of shit. 

“I just...don’t understand why you’re so skittish about your life,” He admitted. Well, at least he was being honest.

 And again, you couldn’t blame him. It was odd. You were odd. But clearly he knew that already. You had to get your shit together. You took a deep breath and opened the door, revealing Rafael standing there with his arms crossed. 

“I just don’t like talking about myself,” You crossed your own arms, ready to hold your own against him. “You try growing up with an overachieving family who doesn’t give a shit about you unless you’re winning awards or doing something that benefits the ‘family’ name,”

“....And yet you quit school to go and take care of your old man?” Rafael started to walk down the hall back to your booth, you followed quickly behind.

“Surely you’re aware of ‘daddy issues’, counselor,” You gave him a small smirk. “Just because I hated the man doesn’t mean I didn’t spend every day trying to ‘earn’ his approval. I thought maybe being the only person to care for him while he was slowly deteriorating into a lump of skin would give me some kind of brownie points,”

“And did it?” Rafael raised an eyebrow as you approached the booth. 

“Nope,” You shook your head. “The old man was too far in his dementia riddled mind to even distinguish what year it was, let alone who I was,” 

“Wow,” Rafael nodded as he slid into the seat next to Liv and you took the other side. You were secretly doing a triumphant dance in your head; you had no idea where that story came from, it just spilled out. Maybe you were better at this than you thought. 

“Wow what?” Olivia asked, clearly annoyed she missed the conversation.

“Viv here was just telling me about her daddy issues,” Rafael smirked as he resumed eating. 

“Raff!” Olivia gasped in horror and hit him. She was positive he had just gone over the line and embarrassed you once again. But to her surprise and relief, you just rolled your eyes and picked up your fork, popping a ravioli in your mouth.

“So did you tell her about yours?” Olivia smirked.

 Noticing you were calm, she decided to fall in line with his sarcasm. The question caused Rafael to choke on his pasta, and a laugh to come from you with a mouth full of ravioli. 

“No, he didn’t,” You answered for him while you watched him turn bright red and down the rest of his scotch. 

“We’re not talking about me,” He wheezed while gesturing to the waitress across the room for more alcohol. He didn’t like where the conversation was going. 

“Seems we may have more in common than you thought, counselor,” You smirked devilishly now while you continued to eat. “So what’s your story?” 

“Nothing,” He muttered while scraping his plate with his fork. He had suddenly lost his appetite. The waitress came over with a new glass of scotch, to which he immediately began to gulp. 

“Seems like a whole lot of stress for ‘nothing’--” You continued to tease him, but he slammed his fist on the table.

“I said it was nothing!” He raised his voice as the fist hit the table, causing a few patrons surrounding you to momentarily pause and stare before resuming their own conversations. 

“...Sorry,” Your voice was now soft and apologetic while you looked into his green eyes. 

They were narrowed and tense, if he could shoot lasers out of them you were sure you’d be a pile of ash by now. But at the sound of your apology, they fell more to a...sad, scared look. 

“....Maybe we don’t talk about anybody’s family, yeah?” Olivia tried to ease the tension by putting her hand on Rafael’s back and rubbing it softly. She knew how to calm him down, to soothe him. It was adorable, if not enviable. 

“Right,” You nodded and you all continued to finish your meals in silence. You hated silence. It gave you too much time to just be in your own head. And your head was never a good place to stay around for long, as your demons began berating you from within.

This was stupid. You were stupid for even doing this. You can’t say one word to Rafael without either being insanely awkward, freaked out, or insulting him. What were you thinking even trying to do this? You should just get up and leave, block Olivia’s number and never see them again. 

“I can’t do this,” You dropped your fork and ran your fingers nervously through your hair. Both Olivia and Rafael stopped eating and looked up from their food with shocked and confused looks on their faces.

“Can’t do what?” Olivia asked while putting a hand over yours on the table. 

“This, all of this,” You gestured around the table. “I’m sorry Olivia, I--” 

“VIVIAN!!” You heard a familiar happy screech of a voice come out of nowhere. You turned to see Cassie with the fakest excitement you’d ever seen her perform. She ran over to your booth and thrust her arms around you. 

“You are NOT going shit on all of our hard work,” She hissed in your ear before pulling back and continuing to stare at you with an uncanny valley smile. 

“I--Um--” You were so shell shocked from the ambush you barely registered Olivia and Rafael still at the table. 

“I’m sorry, how rude of me,” Cassie shoved you over in the booth and sat across from them, extending her hand. “I’m Kit, Viv’s best friend,” 

“Oh, right,” Olivia shook her head with an acknowledging smile while taking Cassie’s hand and shaking it, but Rafael looked at her with the same suspicious look he had on you when you first met. 

“...And you came with her from upstate?” Rafael questioned.

“What?” ‘Kit’ scoffed with a laugh. “No, didn’t Vivian tell you?” 

“We didn’t get that far…” You muttered between a gritted smile. 

“Oh,” She just nodded, keeping her cool. “Well, I was Viv’s best friend when we were kids, but I never left the city. I was the one who saw that Tuck had died, I had to break the news to my little baby bird here,” She made a sad face at you, squishing your cheeks like Olivia had done to Rafael earlier. A very demeaning act of affection. 

“So she’s staying with you?” Rafael asked, happy to finally be able to ask questions without being berated. 

“Yup,” Kit nodded, her face completely unwavering, her words not stumbled or mumbled. She was so much better at this than you were. She should have been at this dinner, not you. 

“For how long, exactly?” He pressed.

“Indefinitely,” She didn’t miss a beat.

“...And why’s that?” He cocked his eyebrow. 

“Because she has no one left, and she belongs here in the city. With me,” She draped her arm over your protectively like a mama bear. You couldn’t help but smile at the gesture; Cassie was always quick on her feet to come to the rescue type. You had no idea how she had found you, but you were grateful she had. 

“Well that’s wonderful!” Olivia clapped her hands together, causing the three of you to look at her strangely.

“I mean, not that you don’t have anyone else sweetie,” She quickly backed up her statement before patting your hand once more. “I just mean it will give us more time to-- catch up,” 

“Right,” You nodded with a nervous smile. “Yeah, of course. Sounds great,” 

It did not sound great. It sounded the opposite of great. Although you had to admit you wanted to see more of Rafael, if it always resulted in situations like this, maybe it was better if you never saw him again. Though you were sure that would likely be impossible now. 

“Well, you know I hate to be Debbie Downer, but I actually came to get Viv on my way home from work,” ‘Kit’ started pulling you out of the booth. “Can’t be too careful on the subway at night, y’know,” 

“And where do you work?” Rafael was at it again, and you hoped he hadn’t caught the flash of fear in your eyes when he asked. How was she going to pull that one off?

“A massage parlor,” She smiled cheekily before she gave you a wink, leaving you speechless. The two friends exchanged their own curious looks, but stayed silent. 

“I’ll call you later, Liv?” You broke the silence while ‘Kit’ continued to drag you away. 

“Sounds good!” Olivia called after you, before turning to Rafael who had an amused look on his face. “What?”

“....You’re gonna tell me that wasn’t weird?” He gestured his head at the two of you walking out of the restaurant. 

“Weird that she has a friend?” Olivia snorted. “Rafael, do you really think she’s that insufferable?”

“Her friend just ‘shows up’? Out of the blue? After she has a meltdown in the bathroom?” He continued to gesture towards where you had disappeared to, and then the bathroom as he spoke. 

“Well alright, maybe she texted her to come save her because you were being such a douchebag,” Olivia pointed out while the waitress brought the bill.

“Or maybe, she called her because ‘Kit’ seems to be a much better liar,” He lightly hit the table with his fist.

“A better liar?” Olivia rolled her eyes while pulling out her card to pay the check. “Because she’s more outgoing?”

“And had an answer for everything,” He added.

“So, Vivian is too hesitant about questions, and now her friend is too good at answering them?” She shook her head with a laugh while the waitress came by and picked up her card. 

“Well--” He started. “What was she going to tell us before her friend just swooped in there to ‘save the day’? Why did she say--”

“You know what I think?” Olivia cut him off.

“I know you’re going to tell me,” Rafael sighed.

“I think you like this girl,” Olivia answered with a sly grin..

“Excuse me?” Rafael laughed like it was the most absurd idea.

“I watched the two of you all night,” She smiled. 

“Watch us what?” He furrowed his eyebrows.

“The little touches, the little jabs at each other?” She signed the receipt and stood to let Rafael out. “It was like watching two teenagers flirting,” 

“Oh my god, Olivia,” Rafael shook his head once more as he exited the booth. “She’s infuriating! She--” 

“She gets under your skin,” Olivia finished for him. “Which I know you hate, but I also know it takes a LOT to do so. So if she does, you must have a hell of a thing for her,” She teased him as they walked through the restaurant. 

“What?!” “That’s insane, Olivia. You’re an insane person,” He chuckled in disbelief while holding the door for Olivia to exit the restaurant.

“I think you like her, and you don’t like the fact that she clearly has something about her you can’t fight. And you want to sit here and pick her apart, trying to find something, anything wrong with her because you cannot stand the thought of being happy,” She crossed her arms after her analysis.

“Wow, I don’t remember paying for this therapy session, Dr. Benson,” He said sarcastically as they started to walk. “It’s not that I don’t want to be happy--”

“It’s that you’re scared to be,” Olivia finished for him once again.

“I’m gonna leave,” Rafael acted as if he was going to cross the street. 

“Admit it, Rafa,” She stopped and took his hands. “You know I love you, and I know you better than anyone. I know what I’m talking about,”

“Maybe,” He conceded. “But Liv, I swear there is something about her--” 

“That something is LOVE, Rafael,” She thunked his head. 

“Love?!” He busted out laughing. 

“I know it’s a foreign concept to you, so you don’t know what it feels like,” 

“Love?” He continued to laugh. “Olivia, do you hear yourself?”

“Alright fine, maybe not love-- yet,” She raised her eyebrows suggestively. 

“That’s my ride,” She gestured to a black town car pulling up. “Get home safe, yeah?” 

“You too,” He opened the car door for her as she got in. 

“And think about what I said, Rafael,” She poked her head out of the door opening one last time. “Seriously,” 

“Right, will do captain,” He laughed sarcastically before closing the door behind her. He walked back towards the restaurant as he called for a town car himself. 

Olivia’s words echoed through his head, no matter how much he wanted to laugh them off.

Was it true? Was he just trying to poke holes into your story because he had feelings for you? Was he that afraid to be happy? Maybe...maybe he should give you a chance. 

He pulled out his phone and texted Olivia:

“DON’T say anything, but-- can I get Vivian’s phone number?” 

Almost immediately after sending the text his phone lit up with a response. It was your phone number with a smiley face and a heart. He couldn’t help but let himself smile just a little; maybe this was a good thing. 

-----------

Present Day

“I knew it,” Rafael muttered under his shaky breath while staring into the ground. He finally willed himself to look into your eyes; his heart broke all over again as he stepped towards you. 

“Do--Do you have any idea what you put me through, Viv--WHOEVER you are?!” His shaky breath turned into shaky words, tears of rage stinging his eyes. 

“I thought--- Olivia convinced me that I was being paranoid about you because you were SPECIAL,” He did his best not to break down crying. He had to get through this. 

“I knew,  KNEW there was something wrong with you. Something-- off. But I ignored my instincts, I ignored every fiber of my pessimistic gut, for months. MONTHS. And for what, huh? FOR WHAT?! He screamed the last words, causing you to flinch. 

You couldn’t blame him for his reaction, but it didn’t stop it from scaring the shit out of you. You had never seen him like this-- so angry. So...raw.

“Rafael I’m sorry--” You started to cry at the sight of his tears. You could see him breaking apart inside before your very eyes, and you knew that it was all your fault. 

“I finally let my guard down, I TRUSTED you. And you just proved that I’m just a fucking FOOL!!!!!!” He continued to scream at you. 

“Raff please--” You tried to put a hand on his shoulder, desperate to touch him, to comfort him. 

“Don’t,” He jolted back from your touch. “Don’t you fucking dare say anything else to me, do you understand me? EVER again,”  

Finally done with his speech, he let himself break down into tears, the tears quickly turned to heartbreaking sobs. Olivia walked over and took her in his arms, trying to calm him but failing at the job as she was starting to cry herself. 

Why hadn’t you just told Cassie you were DONE that night?

------------

Six Months Ago

“Alright what the hell was that?” You crossed your arms as you finally stopped walking, deeming yourselves safe from being caught.

“Funny, I was about to ask you the same thing,” Cassie crossed her own arms.

“Come on Cass, you know what I mean,” You lightly hit her shoulder. “Why were you even here? Did you follow me?”

“Of course I did!” She said it as if it was the most obvious observation. “I had to make sure you wouldn’t fuck this up. Which I was clearly right to do! What the fuck were you about to do before I jumped in and saved your ass?”

“I--” You started.

“Don’t bother answering, I know what you were doing,” She gave you a disappointed look. “I can’t believe you were just going to roll over that easily! What the hell were you going to do after telling them you’ve been lying about their dead friend?”

“I don’t--” You sighed and leaned against the wall of a bar on the street. “I don’t know,” You admitted. “I just-- I didn’t want to do it anymore,” 

“Well that’s too bad baby girl,” Cassie placed a hand on your cheek. “Because like it or not, we’re both in this now. So I’m sure as hell not letting us get caught, I won’t last in prison,” 

“....Yeah, alright,” You shrugged in defeat as you stood up and you both headed to the train station. 

How could you have known your cowardice towards your best friend would cause the traumatic chain events about to unfold? 

[hyrule-kingdom-updates]

Daruk squinted at Impa in confusion.

“Uhhhhh. You’re gonna what now?”

“A! DUEL!” Impa boomed, dramatically, trying to attract as much attention as possible. If anything, her commanding voice put the other scrambling villagers at ease. “A duel...between the darkness and the light! A prattle...B-BATTLE for the soul of Sheikah life!”

Impa checked the red inked notes on her left forearm again. “I’ve waited for this day for many nights. Zavis, your terror dies upon my light!”

Zavis crossed his arms as he stood on top of the hill, tapping his foot.

“You rhymed the word ‘light’ twice...” he mumbled.

“SHUT UP, NERD!” Impa pulled up her sleeve again, and brandished her kodachi. “No one else needs to get hurt, except YOU! If you’re so confident in yourself, you’ll fight me one on one!”

“I tempting offer, but I must decline.” He walked casually across the towering hilltop, back to the forest. “But if you live, you may have what is mine! Find you way up here, dear cousin Asu! For when you tire of these monsters, I may then easily slay you! MWAHAHAHAHA!”

The forest behind him then erupted with another round of red and blue bokoblins, trampling over each other as they walked down the path.

Impa pulled down her sleeve again, reading through her notes, before turning towards to crowd.

“A coward such as he must have no soul! These moments with him free is inexcusable! Why has no one stopped his evil deeds, is no one up for this job except me? No honor to even face me alone, but by my blade, I swear to BREAK HIS BONES.” 

She turned to stare Zavis in the eyes at that last part, but when returning her gaze to the crowd, she saw they were a little put off by it. Impa went to read from her forearm again, but she caught Urbosa in the background waving a hand across her neck intensely in a “cut it” motion, and Daruk was shaking his head back and forth with his lips in a tight frown. Were they not a fan of theater?  Impa wasn’t either, but she didn’t think her acting was that horrible.

“Ahem...Anyway.” She coughed to renew the momentum. “They only reason you haven’t been beat yet, it because your dumb MOM has been protecting your useless ass. You haven’t been able to do anything out of your own merit!”

The crowd gasped and hummed “oooo” at that comment. Impa even heard someone whisper, “Oh shit, she pulled the mommy card.”

“And while her incompetency, along with the old king’s, have allowed for your victory, it won’t be the same story when it comes to me! For I have...” She gestured towards Daruk and Urbosa, “The POWER of friendship!”

Zavis scrunched his eyebrows, obviously a bit annoyed at the change in script. But the crowd, somehow, clapped enthusiastically at Impa’s words. Even Daruk brought his hands up, but Urbosa calmly forced them down. Good call, they need to look as cool as possible right now.

“My treasure Champion companions, Lady Urbosa and Lord Daruk! We were brought together thanks to the leadership of Her Majesty, Queen Mallory! Let us prevail were others have not! Clear the way of monsters, while I take care of that Yiga scum, once and for—yeah ok, let’s just start smacking shit now...”

The initial sentence wasn’t even fully out of her mouth before Urbosa was already rushing towards the group of bokoblins. Daruk gave a polite bow to the applauding crowd, before following in to smash the monsters into the ground.

While the crowd cheered and gasped at the action, Zavis took out a bundle of bananas, and gave it a kiss goodbye, before dropping it down below. The last bunch of bokoblins that were rushing down the trail suddenly stopped charging, and instead went to pick up an eat the surprise snack. But before they even had a chance to peel them properly, Urbosa and Daruk were already taking advantage of the distraction to bash and slash them up.

As the monsters were cut down and the path cleared away, Impa disappeared in a puff of smoke and talismens, and reappeared behind Zavis, who let out a surprised yelp.

“Y-You could have teleported here this whole time?!”

“Yes! But...” Impa projected her voice so the others could hear. “Unlike some people, Zavis, I can prioritize others and their safety over my own ambitions.”

“Still, I feel it would have been faster if you had just—”

“SHUT IT, NERD!” Impa slammed Zavis onto the ground, and he felt the wind get knocked out of him. “Aren’t YOU the one who likes dramatics?” She mumbled after.

Zavis propped himself back up as he sat on the ground, Impa’s kodachi pointed at him. She frowned. “Where’s your sword?”

“Oh! Right, actually...I think I might have left it...” Zavis turned towards the house by the waterfalls, and his eyes suddenly shone with shock and fear. Man, he was a good actor.

“Impa...what the hell—”

“HaHA!” Impa boomed, keeping up the momentum of their dialogue. “It seems that the power of friendship has once again bested you! Champion Revali must have earlier disarmed you! Perfect! Now, prepare to face justice!”

Impa picked up Zavis like he was a puppy.

“You’ll survive if I drop kick you, right?”

“IMPA WAIT—!”

“TOO LATE! I MADE UP MY MIND YOU’RE NOT GETTING OUT OF THIS!” Impa chucked him down below.

“POWER PUNT OF COMPANIONSHIP!”

Impa punted Zavis down back towards the crowd, and before he could make contact with the dirt, Impa summoned a giant frog for good measure, just because she can.

Zavis dramatically fell towards his demise for the second time that day, and the rest of his strength escaped his lungs as he landed sideways on the frog’s back. Daruk immediately ran up to him and held Zavis up like a trophy.

“WOOOO! WE DID IT!!” Daruk yelled. “CHAMP-I-ONS! CHAMP-I-ONS!” The crowded clapped along with him.

Impa folded her fingers together and summoned more talismans from her pocket as she teleported back down with the rest of them.

“Man, that was way too easy! Ok, so bashing Rhoam? Check. Improving our reputation? Check. Fulfilling my lifelong dream? Check.” She walked up beside Urbosa as the crowd continued to cheer with Daruk. “Did I miss anything? I certainly did enough to establish us as heroes, right?”

Urbosa smiled warmly. “Well, I think with the danger out of the way, I think it’s an overall win in my book. You’ve certainly proven to be as capable a leader as Lady Jou.”

“Oh that’s right!” Impa snapped her fingers. “I should do another round of Zavis’ dramatic nerd words to make sure I stay as village leader.”

Lady Jou suddenly strike the ground in front of the crowd.

“Oh! Perfect timing!” Impa strutted over to Jou, who was kneeling in the dirt, and leaning against her sword. “See that everyone? Auntie Jou was so busy with her personal vendettas and dick Rhoam orders, that she even forgot to save her own people from monsters! How could we let—”

Jou started coughing blood, leaning her weight further on her sword.

Impa stopped, cautiously approaching Jou. “A-Aunt Jou?”

Moving closer, she could now see that her white dress, with gold and red trim, had a significant more amount of red than usual.

“WEEEEEEEEELLLLLLL...” a voice suddenly cut through the air, smugly.

Attention suddenly turned towards the end of the main road, where Lady Jou had come from. A Rito descended from the sky, winds whistling before abruptly dying as he landed. When he calmly perk his head up, Impa saw that half his face was devoured by malice, one of his one blue wings was covered with the dark substance completely.

“R-Revali...?”

“IMPA!” Zavis gave a desperate shout behind her.

She instinctively dodged back, just in time to avoid a blast of malice from above. All eyes left Revali, and instead focused on the man with a shit-eating grin. He was floating above them, leaning back with his arms behind his head, as if he were sitting in a bar and watching a show.

“WELL! Well! Well.” Assivus said, clapping his hands. “Lookie what we have here...”

[secret-engima]

nammuellyll

@secret-engima congrats, you woke the monster. ardyn in my hero academia. there. go wild.

Me: MWAHAHAHAHA. You say that like I regret it >:DDD

-Ardyn in this wakes up post The Great Stabbing and is ... more than a little annoyed. Hello. He wanted the afterlife experience. HELLO WHAT HAPPENED TO HIS DESTINY OF FADING TO COSMIC DUST.

-But no. Apparently he gets to have a “second chance” to “be a hero”.

-Just let one of the Astrals show themselves, he’ll show where to put that “second chance”-.

-Anyway. Ardyn is Ardyn, he looks like he did in canon but he’s sane again. Oddly enough he’s still got both his armiger magic, his super healing, and some of his scourge-like abilities (scary face included). He’s not corrupted tho. Ardyn isn’t sure what to make of that.

-Goes and hobos around for a while, getting used to this world and the fact that everyone looks like a storybook encounter with cursed items gone wrong. Picks up a Smol Traumatized Child that can disintegrate things with his fingers off the streets because Why Not, Let’s Both Be Homeless Together Kiddo, then in short order gets himself known as a Major Villain when he finds a trafficking ring and, since Ardyn is Not Exactly Moral Even If Arguably Sane, he slaughters them to the last man.

-Ardyn is known on the news via grainy footage that only catches glimpses of his scourge face and a lot of rumor, he laughs his head off when the ONE soundbite they manage to get from the scene leads to his being named Adagium. AGAIN. Okay he walked into that one.

-Uses the resources of the no-longer-operational trafficking ring to set up a nice restaurant bar with a secret (illegal) clinic in the back. He makes dishes exclusively from his original time period and so the food is known as very eccentric but good. Ardyn rapidly gets the wackiest duel rep in history. To the mainstream/police/pro heroes he’s a shadowy super-murderer named Adagium. To the underworld and the homeless, the quirkless and the children, Adagium is a name that means hope and shelter, healing and comfort and a monster that protects its own rather than giving meaningless promises, all in exchange for simple favors like clothes and information and school books for his child.

-Ardyn makes special one-finger gloves for Tenko so that he can touch touch stuff without worrying about destroying it. He also, at some point, picks up the rest of the not-LoV by pure happenstance. Toga comes into his clinic hunting a patient, he scolds her, puts her in time-out, then gives her a lolli with heavy iron supplement because clearly if the girl has a blood craving she needs more iron in her system. Don’t you heathens know anything about the meaning behind cravings. Spinner gets into a fight in Ardyn’s territory, Ardyn patches him up and gently informs him that if he’s going to pick fights, at least fight dirty enough to win them. Twice comes there often for a meal and company that won’t look at him funny for talking to himself, Mr. Compress is bound and determined to get Ardyn to be surprised by one of his magic tricks (never works, because unlike Compress Ardyn can do LITERAL MAGIC). Magne is not a regular, but still shows up once in a blue moon because Ardyn’s illegal clinic is probably better stocked than most legal ones at this point (people tend to trade his treatment for actual medicine and equipment, Ardyn never asks where they get it).

-Dabi is the last to be picked up. He is also how Ardyn’s increasing collection of strays first learn about Ardyn’s superhealing factor when he TAKES Dabi’s fresh, weeping burns onto himself and they heal over in minutes, leaving both of them unscarred (or mostly so, Ardyn’s skin will always have faint ripple marks where the burns were). It is also around this time that, coincidentally, people start gunning for Endeavor and trying to make his life miserable. Because Adagium hates him and is plotting to end him, so clearly that’s their cue, right?

-The rest of Endeavor’s kids vanish in the middle of the night. No one in the police or pro heroes can find them.

-Far away in a little, unnoticed restaurant bar, Dabi holds his siblings tight and promises they are never going to have to suffer That Man again. Ardyn rests gentle hands on Shōto’s face and whispers that everything will be okay even as his skin bubbles and boils into an ugly burn before healing over with the faintest scars.

-Moving on from Ardyn’s growing collection of strays (that will keep growing so keep an eye on that):

-Ardyn doesn’t get the whole quirk thing. Or the whole superhero society thing. If something needs doing and it suits him then he shall do it, none of this Symbol of Peace nonsense.

-Yes, he said nonsense. The Symbol of Peace is nonsense and only setting society up to fall apart when this All Might fellow either gets too powerful and is made to take a fall or when he finally picks a fight he can’t win.

-Ardyn says as much to Toshinori Yagi, the nice civilian man who wandered into Ardyn’s bar without knowing who is running it. The man sputters a bit and asks why he thinks so, Ardyn just laughs and laughs and laughs until there is something unnerving about the sound and Ardyn has to stop and catch his breath. Blue eyes flicker gold as Ardyn murmurs that he’s seen it happen before.

-Somehow, Toshinori thinks this strange, eccentric barkeep doesn’t mean as a bystander.

-Ardyn meets Aizawa while Aizawa is on the hunt for Adagium, they eyeball each other like wary cats before Ardyn decides that this angry hobo hero is His Now and invites the man over for food. Aizawa declines. Ardyn casually slings Aizawa over his shoulder and carts him in anyway before Aizawa can think to retaliate.

-Ardyn is highly amused to learn that Hobo Man is after the Adagium. Good luck with that, truly, best of fortune.

-So, for those of you paying attention, Ardyn’s count of Heroes He Has Adopted is officially up to 2, even if he pretends not to notice the first one (pretends. Because he knows exactly who Toshi is, come ON it’s not that hard, they have the same voice and smile and everything).

-Ardyn’s kids grow up with his scathing political commentary and one foot in both legal and illegal worlds. Some of them (Tenko, Dabi, Toga, Spinner) decide that they’re gonna make a League to show the world how dumb its being. A League of Villains! (”League of Vigilante’s sounds more appropriate for your chosen activities, Tenko Mine-” “VILLAINS. WE ARE VILLAINS NOW.” “Alright then, will all villains in the room please wash up for supper?”)

-Ardyn finds Hitoshi and decides he’s not quite qualified for this one.

-Aizawa wakes up from another rare session of being black-out to find Ardyn cheerfully tearing up his apartment to make it more “child suitable”. Child WHAT. Child suitable. For your child.

-MY WHAT.

-Ardyn calmly holds out the adoption papers that have Aizawa’s signature on all of them, perfectly legible because the man is a little too good at pretending he isn’t stone drunk, and then gestures to the sad-eyed, skeptical boy with purple hair in the corner. Ardyn smiles (reads: threatens with killing intent) and says that he’s sure Aizawa will take his new responsibilities seriously (read: you’d better or you’re next on my hitlist).

-Aizawa, never one to go back on his word, has a kid now I guess.

-Shōto comes home one day with a bby Izuku in tow and Ardyn is charmed beyond all words over the boy. He’s so Smol! And Smart! Lookit his little brain firing away! Upon hearing the boy is developing All The Esteem Issues because of his bullying and quirklessness, Ardyn stares off into space for a long time, acknowledges that he’s a sap, and then soothingly tells Izuku that some quirks just come in late, why, Ardyn’s came in late too! Just give it a few days. Then he pats Izuku on the head and uses the motion to disguise the teeny tiny fragment of magic he splits off from his own and gives to this boy who deserves better.

-Izuku comes back two days later, crying for joy and with sparkling green magic dripping from his fingertips. Ardyn exclaims in “surprise” over the similarity of their quirks and offers to teach him. Izuku accepts and after some sweet-talking to Inko, Ardyn gets to mold this tiny genius boi as he pleases to both be proud of himself and his “quirk” AND to fight quirkless as much as possible because “tactics, my boy, take them by surprise!”

-Also then he figures out that he didn’t just lend Izuku magic because this world is funky like that, he genuinely gave it away which counts as LC adoption rituals so OOPS GUESS WHO HAS A BLOOD SON NOW.

-Oh well.

-Toshi and Izuku get along like a house on fire whenever Toshi comes over for a hot meal and Ardyn is pretty content with his brood and his handiwork against Endeavor (who by this point has been exposed as an abuser and put in jail for a long time HAH). Toshi ... pointedly doesn’t ask why several of his kids look like Endeavor. Nope. Not asking. They get their red hair from Ardyn, clearly.

-Of course, all of this casual wrecking of canon attracts the attention of AfO, who is not happy about the competition. He shows up at one point, all suave and intimidating because he is immortal and older than anyone alive and smarter too and-

-Ardyn laughs in his face.

-Baby.

-Bby playing at immortal.

-You think two centuries or so makes you hot stuff? You think stolen quirks makes you special? You think you can come into Ardyn’s territory and threaten his kids and get away with it because you’re ... a little older than the average human being? Ardyn leans close and smiles as AfO tries and fails to steal a quirk that doesn’t exist to be stolen, his Scourge face leaking into existence as he purrs that AfO should’ve minded his own business a little more than he minded others.

-AfO came prepared for a quirk. He did not come prepared for the combined might of 2k year old LC magic and abilities of a Scourge the world has never, and will never, see.

-It’s not even a fight.

-Adagium makes the news again when a body is found hanging from a high tower, torn apart as if by dozens upon dozens of blades, the corpse pinned in place by a spear that dissolves into red sparks upon the police touching it, leaving behind only a note that gets leaked to the media and goes viral.

-Dear World, refrain from touching my stuff, and you won’t end up like this man. Sincerely, Adagium.

-Not the most menacing letter until you considering the delivery method.

-Toshinori has to sit there and have a Moment upon the news that the man who murdered Nana is already dead by someone else’s hand and they have no idea when the fight went down. Because surely there was a fight, right? AfO had been centuries old and with dozens upon dozens of quirks. Who could possibly have brought him down when Nana, the then-wielder of OfA could not???

-Ardyn gently pats Toshi’s shoulder through the breakdown. There there. I’m sure you’ll figure out the culprit eventually, you’re a smart man Toshi. There there.

-Also Kurogiri shows up not long after that entire debacle looking for a new job because his old one got murdered and Adagium seems like an efficient dude. Ardyn is always happy for more hands on deck in wrangling the kids, and this one has warping powers. Welcome aboard Kurogiri.

[mybunnyparadenme]

Knight

Summary: Princess Kenny has been captured by Professor Chaos! Can a brave knight rescue her in time? A/N: Hi Bunny fandom! This is a chapter from my story Snapshots, which can be found over here! Hope you guys find this a fun read~!

Being a princess wasn't exactly easy work. Princess Kenny needed to balance the needs of her subjects with political alliances, lead an entire country with as few casualties as possible. She was in a position of power, and known as the fairest in the land, so of course she was bound to attract unwanted attention every once in a while. Still, she found herself wondering how the hell she'd managed to end up as a prisoner to the dastardly villain standing in front of her.

"Mwahahahaha!" Professor Chaos cackled, an evil grin spread wide on his face as he took a step towards her. There was a gleam in his eyes as he looked down at her, tied up and bound to a chair in the corner of the room. "Look at the proud princess, cowering before the mighty Professor Chaos! Who could've thought that you would be so easy to capture?"

"You won't get away with this, Professor." She said, lifting her chin up and staring into his eyes defiantly. "My people will not take this lying down."

"Your people?" Professor Chaos echoed, his grin curving wickedly. His eyes were full of amusement as he leaned down to pat her head, like she was a child in need of comfort. "Oh, foolish little princess. Your people are all under my rule now. It's only a matter of time before my minions take down the last of your armies, and then..." He stood up to his full height, looking down his nose at her cruelly. "Then, you'll be completely at my mercy."

She laughed. "And what would you do then, Professor? What would me being at your mercy accomplish?"

Professor Chaos paused, his expression unreadable as he looked at her. His answer came out almost hesitantly. "I... I would win, princess."

Princess Kenny glared up at him, refusing to let him intimidate her. "I would rather die than let you win."

"Oh?" He stroked his chin thoughtfully. "Perhaps after my victory I could grant you that wish."

She was ready to tell him off for that, when she noticed movement from behind him. The top of a very familiar head poked in from the doorway, left slightly ajar from when Professor Chaos had come in to taunt her. She hardly dared believe it was her bravest knight, but her heart swelled at the thought that someone had come for her. She quickly looked away from the door, back into Professor Chaos's smug face. He didn't seem to have noticed her wandering gaze, and she had to keep it that way.

"So... y-you really wish to kill me then?" Princess Kenny began, tilting her head so that her face was hidden behind a curtain of her hair. She felt him draw closer, intrigued by the change in her demeanor.

"That is certainly one option for you." Professor Chaos said, leaning down so that they were eye to eye. His blue eyes were surprisingly clear and earnest looking, giving his face and almost innocent quality. The curve of his mouth, on the other hand, was downright devilish. "Though I might be swayed otherwise."

"H-How so?" Princess Kenny asked. She dared peek over his shoulder for a moment and, yes that was her knight! Sir Karen was carefully inching the door open, careful not to alert Professor Chaos to her presence. She was carrying a gilded sword in her white knuckled grip.

Professor Chaos laughed, reminding Princess Kenny that she needed to keep distracting him. "I might let you live Princess... if you would agree to ruling by my side. With your influence and my power, chaos would rein supreme over this land for years to come!"

Sir Karen was now in the room, but she needed at least another moment to get in prime attacking position. Princess Kenny tilted her chin up and gave Professor Chaos a wide eyed look. "Professor are you... suggesting we marry?"

"What?!" Professor Chaos squeaked, his face flushing bright red as he quickly took a step away from her. He coughed into his fist and stood ramrod straight, avoiding her gaze as he quickly stammered out, "N-No, that wasn't wh-what I meant! I... I was just thinking you could be a figurehead and-and I could be, you know, the power behind you."

Princess Kenny hadn't expected him to get so flustered and had to bite back a giggle. Sir Karen was now in optimal position, and raised her finger to her lips in a shushing motion. Princess Kenny smiled at her before turning her attention back to her blushing captor. "Unfortunately, I must respectfully decline your offer, Professor Chaos."

Professor Chaos gave her a disappointed stare, but Sir Karen's shrill scream of "FOR THE PRINCESS!!" quickly changed his expression into a look of total shock. He whirled around and only just managed to avoid the tip of Sir Karen's sword slicing through the air where his head used to be. He dodged her next blow, hissing between gritted teeth, "I thought I took care of all the knights?!"

Sir Karen's grin was wide as she stood protectively in front of the princess. "You forget I am no ordinary knight, Professor Chaos! The blood of royalty flows through my veins. Your chaotic powers have no effect on me or my sister!"

"H-How could I have forgotten?!" Professor Chaos lamented, backing away from Sir Karen slowly advancing toward him. There was a look of desperation in his eyes that almost made Princess Kenny feel sorry for him.

Almost.

"Prepare to meet your maker, Professor. Hyaaa!" Karen cried, lurching forward and running him through with her blade.

"Ugh..." Professor Chaos moaned as he sank down to his knees, clutching his wound in a desperate attempt to stem the flow of blood. He looked up, and caught Princess Kenny's eyes across the room. He coughed and whispered, "I just... wanted to sow chaos in a world th-that made me become... this. Aaah..."

The two sisters watched in silence as the life faded from Professor Chaos, his eyes finally drifting shut. When she was completely sure that he wasn't going to get up again, Sir Karen sheathed her sword and ran over to where her older sister was still tied.

"Are you okay, Kenny?" She asked, undoing the ropes as fast as her hands could work.

"I'm fine, thanks to you Karen." Kenny said, wrapping her arms around her sister in a tight hug. "You saved me."

"Let's get you back to Kupa Keep, sis!" Karen said cheerfully, as if she hadn't just murdered a man in cold blood. They made their way to the door, but before they could make their quick escape, it swung wide open to reveal a tall figure on the other side.

Kevin looked around at the scene before him, his eyebrows rising to his hairline. "Everything... okay in here?"

"We're fine, Kev." Kenny said, dropping the falsetto he'd been using while in character.

Kevin stared down at Butters sprawled out on the floor before looking between the three of them dubiously. "You sure?"

Butters peeked open his right eye and gave Kevin a quick thumbs up.

"He's playing dead, Kevin." Karen said cheerfully, running up to her brother and giving him a hug. Kevin ruffled her hair and she giggled. "I know I'm not supposed to hurt people, but it was the only way to save the princess!"

Kevin looked over at Kenny in his dress and gave him an amused look. "What, you too pretty to rescue yourself, princess?"

"Hell yeah, I'm a proper fucking lady." Kenny said, but he was smiling as he went over to punch Kevin's shoulder playfully. "Why are you here, Kev? You wanna join us as an evil troll or something?"

"Haha." Kevin said in a monotone voice. Though he was rolling his eyes, he didn't look the least bit annoyed with his younger brother. He ruffled Kenny's hair fondly before he said, "I'm just here to pass a message. Some lady claiming to be Butters' mom called. Said he needed to hurry home for dinner or he'd get grounded."

"Oh hamburgers is is five already?!" Butters asked, shooting up to his feet in an instant. His eyes were wide as he looked towards the window, noticing for the first time that the sun was beginning to set. "Darn it, I have to be getting home!"

Karen looked disappointed as Butters began to gather his things. "Aw, we haven't even gotten to the part where you get resurrected from the life potion hidden in your pocket."

"Oh, thanks for reminding me!" Butters said, pulling out the tube of travel sized toothpaste from his pocket. They'd found it when they were rummaging through the bathroom cabinet, and Kenny decided that it was as good a prop as they were going to get in the McCormick household. He handed the tube over to Kevin, who took it with a bemused smile.

"You'll come back again tomorrow, won't you?" Karen asked, helping Butters put his costume back into his backpack.

Butters smiled. "Of course, Karen. Um, assuming I make it home in time."

Kevin leaned against the doorway, looking on as the younger kids busied themselves around the room. "It's too bad dad fucked off with the car like an hour ago. I would've given you a ride."

Kenny shot his older brother a look. "Dude, you don't even have a license."

Kevin's lip curved upwards. "And yet I never get pulled over."

"It's okay, walking helps build character." Butters slipped his arms through the straps of his backpack and gave Kenny and Karen an apologetic look. "Sorry I have to leave so abruptly you guys. I promise I'll let you know if I can come over tomorrow, okay?"

Karen stepped forward and gave him a quick hug. "Okay, goodbye Butters! Sorry for killing you." She added cheerfully.

"You were just performing your knightly duties, Kare-bare." Kenny said. He slipped off his princess dress and kicked it underneath his bed. He didn't bother to remove the wig as he followed Butters to the door. "Let mom know I'll be back after I walk Butters home, okay?"

"Okay!"

Butters gave him a curious look as the two of them walked out into the cool mountain air outside. "You don't need to walk me home, Ken. It's not too far."

Kenny shook his head. "Dude, my neighborhood is awful when it gets dark. Even the mighty Professor Chaos shouldn't be walking out here alone."

Butters laughed. "But you're gonna be coming back all alone aren't you, princess?"

Kenny grinned and gave an exaggerated wink. "Don't forget she has a superhero alter ego. And that guy doesn't need any protecting."

"Well, everybody needs protectin' I think." Butters said, tilting his head up to the slowly darkening sky. He glanced at Kenny from the corner of his eye and smiled softly. "Heroes and villains alike."

Kenny turned his head to look at him, and almost stumbled on the uneven sidewalk when their eyes met. The setting sun was orange-gold behind Butters, framing him like an aura or a halo. They'd been talking about how Kenny was a hero, but in this moment Butters had never looked like more of a good guy than he did right now. It made Kenny's heart do somersaults in his chest and he started walking faster then, his steps matching the rhythm of his heartbeat.

"Y-Yeah, I guess your right." He muttered, glad that he was still wearing the wig. The long hair perfectly covered his blazing cheeks. "Thanks, by the way."

"For what?" Butters asked, picking up the pace so that they were walking side by side again.

"For coming over. Karen had a great time today."

Butters smiled. "I had a great time too! Karen's a cool kid, the three of us should hang out together more often."

"I'd really like that." Kenny said, a smile of his own forming behind the wig.

They spent the rest of the way discussing how they could get Kevin to join them next time. By the time they made it to Butters' driveway, they were 95% sure it would only take Karen's puppy dog eyes and candy bar or two.

"No one's waiting." Butters said, looking relieved as they walked up to the front door. "That's a good sign I'm not in trouble yet."

"Your parents really need to stop being so strict on you."

"They're just looking out for me." Butters said, though he didn't look entirely convinced of the truth in that statement. He sighed as his hand touched the doorknob and turned to face Kenny one last time. "Goodnight, Ken. I'll see ya tomorrow."

"'Night, Butters." Kenny said, reaching up to pat Butters in the back. "Get ready for a wicked cool resurrection tomorrow."

Butters paused for a moment at the contact, but then he smiled warmly and nodded. "I can't wait!"

Walking away from the house, Kenny couldn't keep the bounce out of his step. He told himself it was because of all the fun they'd had today, and how Karen had really come out of her shell when they'd been playing. It definitely wasn't because he was looking forward to spending the whole day with Butters again tomorrow.

He wondered... would it be weird to suggest a political marriage again?

[braincoins]

Unusual Halloween Movies

Tired of Jason, Freddy, and Michael? Want something new this year? Boy, do I have some treats lined up for you! I’ve used JustWatch to list the streaming options (though these are US streaming options; I maaaaay be up for some streaming fun on Halloween...). I’ll tell you right now, this list can almost perfectly be broken into three categories: Horror-Comedy, Sci-Fi Horror, or International Horror.

American Mary -  A medical student drowning under tuition debt finds a lucrative practice when she enters the world of body modification. ngl, I remember liking this movie but it’s been a bit since I saw it, so for the CONTENT WARNINGS I’m going to straight up rip the MPAA here: Rated R for strong aberrant violent content including disturbing images, torture, a rape, sexual content, graphic nudity, language and brief drug use

Ava’s Possessions - Ever wonder what life is like once all your demons have been exorcised - literally? Now that Ava is free of the demon that once possessed her, she’s out of a job, down a few friends, and facing charges for the acts of violence her demon did. The only way to get out of trouble is to go to the demon-equivalent of AA. CONTENT WARNINGS: mostly blood and bad language; some mild sexual content 

Behind the Mask: The Rise of Leslie Vernon - A journalism grad student interviews a young man in training to be the next slasher killer, ala Jason/Freddy/Michael. An absolute treat of a movie for anyone who loves slasher films; it’s about 3/4 mockumentary, 1/4 actual horror film when she realizes that, no, really, he’s going to go kill all those co-eds. CONTENT WARNINGS: Blood, gore, naked boobs (”Ugh. Is that REALLY necessary?” “Now, Taylor, who’s telling this story?”), sex, occasional panty shots (because, again, slasher films). 

Bubba Ho-Tep - OH MAN another one I had to go back and add in ‘cause REALLY NOW. Elvis is in a nursing home (at least, he says he’s the real Elvis) and he and JFK (who is played by Ossie Davis - who you will note is NOT white) have to fight off a resurrected mummy who sucks the souls of the living out of their assholes. Bruce Campbell stars. HOW IS THAT NOT AWESOME ENOUGH FOR YOU?! CONTENT WARNING: Um... look, I think you kinda already know what sort of content to expect given what I just told you about the story.

Bulbbul (Netflix Original) -  (Hindi Language) During the 19th century Bengali Presidency, something - or someone? - is haunting the woods around a lord’s estate, killing men in gruesome ways. The lord has left his estate in charge of his young wife, while his younger brother, who’d been away studying in London, returns to hunt down whatever is causing these mysterious deaths. CONTENT WARNINGS: child bride, blood, and what Netflix calls “sexual violence”, meaning a rape scene so graphic (despite not showing any nudity or genitalia) that it is GUARANTEED to make you uncomfortable. The movie was written and directed by a woman, so there is nothing intended to be “sexy” about this at all. If you can make it through that scene, though, there is a definite payoff for it. (Or should I say “payback”?)

Eli (Netflix Original) - A young, incredibly sick boy with a fragile immune system is brought by his parents to a clinic for an experimental treatment that may be their last hope. But all is not as it seems within the walls of this place... perhaps literally. CONTENT WARNINGS: mostly just language, a few mild jump scares. People get set on fire at one point. No biggie. 

Errementari: the Blacksmith and the Devil (Netflix Original) - (Basque Language) Based on a Basque folk tale. Eight years after the First Carlist War, a government official comes to a small, impoverished Basque town asking after the blacksmith. Everyone tries to warn him away; the blacksmith is an evil, evil man. But he is on the trail of some Carlist gold that might be in the smithy, and the prospect of the gold wins him some helpers. And while everyone is distracted by that, a young orphan girl manages to get onto the blacksmith’s property. And what she finds there, no one could have expected... CONTENT WARNINGS: I took a screenshot of Netflix’s list of warnings just because it amuses me:

[sings “One of these things is not like the others...”]

Europa Report - Look, I really can’t recommend this enough for fans of found-footage features and people who can stand slower-paced, constantly-building terror. An international mission is sent to investigate Europa, one of the moons of Jupiter. (Those of you who are fans of real-world space exploration know that Europa is considered a prime target for extraterrestrial life within our solar system.) Contact was lost with the mission for a long time, until the data streams came flooding into Earth all at once. And what they showed... CONTENT WARNINGS: Like I said: slower pace than most horror/thriller movies. It builds slow and steady. There’s really not much in the way of blood and gore, though; an excellent example of terror without resorting to buckets of red corn syrup.

Event Horizon - Hellraiser in Space? Hellraiser in Space. Except the Lamentation Configuration is a fucking SPACE SHIP. Also, props for genre-savvy cast. CONTENT WARNINGS: EYE SCREAM. Blood, gore, and, no really, THE EYE THING. Did I mention the gore and the blood? Oh, and language. And blink-and-you-miss it nudity & sex.

Grabbers - Strange creatures are attacking a small Irish coastal town and the only way to protect yourself is... to be drunk? CONTENT WARNINGS: I mean, it’s Irish and everyone’s drunk, so bad language (by American standards) is a given. That’s... really about it, unless you have a tentacle phobia.

Green Room -  An up-and-coming punk band show up to play a gig and realize too late that they’re playing at a Neo-Nazi club. And when they happen to see something they... really shouldn’t have, it becomes an all-out fight for survival. Same director as Murder Party, though this movie was made later with a much better budget. CONTENT WARNINGS: Violence, blood, gore, and yes, some dogs die because they were trained to be vicious attack dogs by Neo-Nazis. :( Also, the most important content warning of all? PATRICK STEWART PLAYS A NEO-NAZI. (You think I’m joking, but for someone who grew up with him as Jean-Luc Picard, it is downright unsettling to see, okay?)

Life - Think Alien meets Europa Report (above). The six-member crew of the International Space Station are given a sample from Mars that might contain actual extraterrestrial life.  CONTENT WARNINGS: Blood. No, let me say that again: BLOOD. Sounds of bones breaking. Alien creature entering someone’s mouth and killing them from the inside (probably through a combination of choking them/asphyxiating them on their own blood/devouring their blood? It’s not clear, it’s just UNSETTLING).

Murder Party - This is what happens when snobby art school brats try to kill someone. (Read: it doesn’t go well.) Fuckin’ bop of a Halloween song over the end credits, too. Also, at least two characters are canonically bisexual. Same director as Green Room, though this movie was made first (with a much lower budget). CONTENT WARNINGS: bad language, blood, gore, nudity, mild sexual content (the nudity is supposed to be “artistic”). The dog probably DOES die, given the circumstances, but it doesn’t happen on screen, at least? And the dog gets some pretty decent comeuppance first... Also, 1000000% accurate cat representation. 

The Perfection (Netflix Original) - A former cello virtuoso (virtuosa?) gets in touch with her former teacher and meets his new star pupil. An instant connection is formed between the two women... or is it? (Yes, there are lesbians!) CONTENT WARNINGS: oh chaos, where do I start? Bugs under the skin, hacking off body parts, blood, gore, mild sexual content, sexual abuse, and the movie itself is complete and utter MINDFUCKERY. Did you like “Tales from the Crypt” as a kid? You’ll probably dig this. 

Ravenous - With apologies to all Native Americans, but at least they did get actual Native American actors for those parts (George is played by a Pueblo actor; his sister Martha is played by an actress of Menominee and Stockbridge-Munsee descent). A soldier who won a questionable victory during the Mexican-American war is given a hero’s status and then an exile to a remote fort in the Sierra Nevadas. Not long after he arrives, a would-be settler arrives with a harrowing tale, calling for help for what few survivors there are of his wagon train. The two friendly Native Americans at the fort issue warnings that go unheeded, of course. CONTENT WARNINGS: Blood, gore, cannibalism, PTSD.

Slither - James Gunn’s 2006 Feature Movie Directorial Debut! He wrote it, too. An homage to B-movie gore flicks like you’d see at the drive-in. I am just copying and pasting the IMDB summary ‘cause I love this movie too much to be concise about it: A small town is taken over by an alien plague, turning residents into zombies and all forms of mutant monsters. (Oh, but don’t forget the nasty, slithery blood worm things!) CONTENT WARNINGS: Nasty, slithery blood worm things. GORE, BLOOD, GORE, GORE. A very uncomfortable sex scene. Michael Rooker.

They’re Watching - An American TV crew filming what is essentially “House Hunters: Eastern Europe” stumble into superstitions, folklore, and... TERROR!! MWAHAHAHAHA. No, seriously, I LOVE how it’s basically “What if some HGTV crew wound up waaaaaaaay in over their heads, in a horrible and bloody way?” CONTENT WARNINGS: Blood, gore, and NO WI-FI.

[suckmyballshoney]

I mean head cannon lol

AH OKAY SORRY AGAIN 😂😂😂 Sooooo

Mwahahahaha

Let’s put on some context shall we ? Okay so lestappen, Pierre in Red Bull

- Pierre’s time at Red Bull is not going well

- Charles hears about it all the time and can’t stand seeing his bestie in such a complicated position

- On a ‘good’ day he tells max to do something about it

- But Max is like wtf do you want me to do it’s him of both of us and they fight and Charles wins after they went to the bedroom

- So Max tries to talk with the RB bosses, goes back to Charles to say ‘well I tried’ and leaves again

- Nothing changes, Charles is mad, Pierre is NOT having the best time

- Charles tries to support him the best he can but at some point Pierre just stops talking to him about it

- Charles goes all protective mode and goes back to Max to kick his ass make him talk to Pierre

- So he goes all angry to the Red Bull garage

- Mechanics are like wtf, Christian tries to stop him but stops bc he doesn’t want to get involved more with whatever is going on between Charles and Max

- So Charles stomps in Max’s motorhome like YO BITCH

- And SURPRISE Pierre is here

- And Charles is like ‘error 404’ bc Max and Pierre are hugging and Charles is that jealous fucker and he leaves all angry but for another reason now

- And Pierre runs after him like NO IT’S NOT WHAT YOU THINK and Max is laughing bc what else would he be doing really

- Later in the evening Charles is ignoring them and bitching about them at the hotel bar to Seb who miraculously manages to not jump by the window

- And Max arrives and straight up kiss him

- And before Charles has time to complain (while seb is escaping the scene) Max tells him he was already Pierre’s friend before Charles started involving in red bull’s mess

- And Charles is like 👁👄👁 wut

- And Pierre comes too and hugs Charles tight and tells him he’s sorry but it was complicated those past days and Max was a good listening ear and understood the Red Bull driver view

- And Max is ALSO a jealous bitch so he’s like okay you’re friends again now get away from Charles before I punch you

- And he just grabs Charles’s hand and they go reconcile in bed and Pierre regrets every decision in his life leading to seeing Max pinching Charles’ ass

[actualbird]

top 3 AUs you want to see for kirk/bones

UGH!!!! UGH!!!!!!!!!!! JENNY!!!!!

3. modern au where bones is jim's sugar daddy but bones doesnt want a relationship hes just LONELY and has so much MONEY and jim has the bluest eyes and looks to pretty to be miserable. bones finds him getting the shit beaten out of him in a bar, takes him home, patches him up, and they become friends and bones just.... starts..... subtly throwing money in jim's direction. like a BUNCH. and obligatory angst where jim doesnt want to be a charity case but bones genuinely just wants to help in any way he can and if that means fixing jim up whenever he gets into fights and getting jim pants that arent ripped then bones is like There. Don't Thank Me. Why Are You Looking at Me Like That. It's Just [insert crazy amount of money here]. this escalates. they both start to fall in love. and tbh i just want bones to buy jim a classic motorcycle then realize his mistake when jim demands he takes bones for a ride.

2. AU WHERE THEYRE TAXIDERMISTS. jim kirk is an upstart taxidermist who owns a shop that specializes in rogue taxidermy, but he tries his hand at traditional taxidermy the World Taxidermy Championship. before the judging day, he goes out for a drink to destress and has a one night stand with this DEVASTATINGLY HOT MAN. the next day and DUN DUN DUNNNNN hot dude turns out to be Leonard McCoy, one of the goddamn judges of the championship. is it just jim, or does mccoy still look unbelievably hot when hes looking into the maws of a dead raccoon? jim doesnt win but it's CLOSE and leonard has his interest piqued by jim. aside from being a great lay, his taxidermy is amazing. leonard starts visiting jim's shop and thus begins the slowburn flirting through dead animals. or well. kinda slowburn. they already hooked up but their HEARTS need to hook up!

1. fantasy au where jim is a dragon because jenny, you Know me. JIM KIRK long lost son of king george kirk and queen winona kirk. when he was a baby, sorceror nero killed the king and winona and her family go into hiding but before she can, nero curses jim that on his 18th birthday, he will turn into a dragon FOREVER!!! MWAHAHAHAHA. anyway, winona goes on a quest to try and find a cure for this curse, leaving jim in a village in the middle of nowhere with a shit stepfather. but like winona barely comes back and she finds no cure. when jim turns 18, unwilling to be a burden to his family any longer, he runs away. also he doesnt know hes the prince. years pass and. theres too much plot here, WHERES BONES????? a few villages away, doctor (or uh, the fantasy equivalent of doctor? healer? apothecary man? whatever, he makes potions and can do healing magic, is the important thing) leonard mccoy stumbles upon a very injured dragon in the enchanted forests. unwilling to leave the thing, he heals it, and only gets the shock of his life when the dragon starts talking and THANKS HIM. THUS BEGINS THE FRIENDSHIP OF BONES AND JIM!!!! jim tags along bones' journey saying he'll keep bones safe and bones is just happy for the company and is trying to figure out what the cure for this curse is (the cure is true love. as it always is.)

//heaves in a deep breath. i have a lot of thoughts

[cleanedupkenny]

A List of Reasons Why I’m Sorry to Kota Ibushi (begun April 2015, ended January 2018)

Dear Diary,

Drama-Free 2019 can only press forward if I purge myself of all the drama, right?

So, after Invasion Attack 2015, when I did... that thing, I called Michael in kind of a... state. He suggested that I start this list and not show anyone (”anyone” meaning “just Bullet Club,” basically). I think mostly he was just sick of listening to me cry for three hours straight. But it helped. I think.

I’m hopped up on video games and energy drinks and not sleeping next to my Ibutan on the anniversary of our glorious reunion and I might regret this but you know what, I DON’T HAVE TO BE AFRAID OF THE BULLET CLUB ANYMORE AND I FEEL FREE, DAMN IT.

It’s a little hard to read from all the tear stains it’s gathered over the years, but Diary, here’s what I can make out:

Fuck fuck fuck I can’t believe I did that

Why did I do that I don’t even like AJ Styles like as a human being

I don’t even like bullets OR clubs what am I even doing [2019 note: there’s a little more here, completely smudged by tears]

Was any of that an actual apology... ooooops. Kota... I’m so sorry. I’m sorry I ruined that for you. I’m sorry you’re not champion right now. I’m sorry I hurt you. I’m just so, so, so fucking sorry. I am going to regret that for the rest of my life, which is going to be miserable, and empty, and [2019 note: more tear stains]

Wait. What the fuck was I talking about? I’M NOT SORRY, I DON’T REGRET IT, AND I AM DEFINITELY NOT MISERABLE. I’m the reigning, defending IWGP junior heavyweight champion AND I’M A WAY BETTER ONE THAN YOU EVER WERE OR COULD HOPE TO BE! SO. THERE.

Oh, reading that back just now was... ehhhhh.

WHATEVER, it’s still true, and I will prove it against Kushida at Dominion! He’s just this Back to the Future fanboy, haha, can you imagine anything so dorky?

Now I’m trying to imagine explaining what Back to the Future is to you because you don’t watch movies and what your face would look like and now I’m sad again. Why are you like this? Why????

...aaaaaand I lost to Kushida.

I’m hiding in Matt and Nick’s hotel room to avoid having to tell the rest of Bullet Club that I just don’t like strip clubs and they’re not gonna make me feel better, okay, and why would that make me gay? I’m not even gay! I’m bisexual! Those are two different things!!!

I was tired and wound up just blurting to Tama “I’M NOT GAY” and then... didn’t follow that with anything. So now I’m a fucking coward, and he didn’t even look convinced anyway. I hate everything. Everything except the memory of when you’d let me lay my head in your lap and cry or sleep or just breathe or whatever while you’d twirl my hair around your fingers oh god fucking damn it [2019 note: you guessed it, more tear stains]

I beat Kushida! I’m definitely better than you again! And I’m about to celebrate by having sex with a woman that Tama picked up for me because he’s a great and thoughtful and caring friend!!!!

Um. She seemed nice. And didn’t even stay the night, just blew me a kiss and walked out. I feel weird. I’m gonna have to be way more enthusiastic about her to Tama. Shit.

Why can’t I just have casual sex like normal people do? Why??? On New Year’s this year I found the one other sober guy in all of Japan and was like, okay, this is fun, sex can just be fun, but it just felt like when you’re at the doctor’s testing your reflexes. That was like last night, too. But I couldn’t explain that to Tama, either, and he clearly didn’t buy my fake enthusiasm, so he definitely still just thinks I’m gay and that it needs to be corrected. I hate this. Is this title even fucking worth it? Remember the few times you’d top because you knew when I just needed all my feelings fucked out and afterwards you’d hold me while I cried? And it felt better than anything else in the world? How could I have ever let myself lose that? I’m gonna bring this back to its original purpose. I’m sorry I never realized how great I had it.

It... wasn’t all that great, now that I think about it.

When were you gonna tell me you were moving up to heavyweight?

I wouldn’t have stopped you. Did you think I was going to stop you? How could I? How could anyone stop YOU from doing literally anything at all, honestly?

I just... deserved a conversation. I was your partner. In more ways than one. You couldn’t give me that?

What did you want from me? Did you just like, want me to be your sidekick forever?

Did you... want me at all?

Or... was I just your tag team partner that you fucked sometimes?

[2019 note: wow, this was just a tissue, here]

Well, I lost to Kushida again. If you cared, I bet you’d be happy. Where the fuck did you go, anyway? Not that I care. Because from here on out, it’s my time. Shit’s about to happen. I have a fucking PLAN.

What’s the one thing better than kicking that bastard out of Bullet Club and taking his place as its leader?  Making my first order of business declaring that the Young Bucks and I are better than all of them, mwahahahaha. You should’ve seen Tama’s face. You could have. Seriously, where are you?

WHATEVER, I DON’T CARE, I AM WINNING CHAMPIONSHIPS AND BEATING YOUR GOD TANAHASHI AND THEN SINGING KATY PERRY TO CELEBRATE. FUCK YEAH.

...”research institute”??? Oh whatever I DON’T. CARE.

MY FIRST G1 AND I’M GONNA WIN, UNLIKE SOME PEOPLE. WINNING WINNING WINNING.

Hold the fuck up. WWE? You’re going to fucking WWE????!!!! What the fuck??????????? Is... is something actually wrong with you? Did you come back wrong? Who are you?

IT DOESN’T MATTER I’M DOING THE G1 LA LA LAAAAA

I WON THE G1 FIRST GAIJIN EVER and if I did it with your moves it’s to prove I’m better at them than you are and if I mentioned you in the press it was just to rub your face in it HA HA HA HAAAAAA!!!!!

And no one will ever tell me how to celebrate again, damn it. If I wanna eat ice cream with Matt and Nick damn it I’m gonna and the rest of them can just fuck off to their booze and their strippers and god knows what else! I maybe said that aloud to them. Because I fucking can!!!

Matt asked me if I was okay and said uh, yeah, I’m going to fucking Wrestle Kingdom to become the heavyweight champion, which YOU have have never done, why wouldn’t I be? And he was like, that’s just it, though, you keep talking about him. So I kind of stopped talking.

Remember how we used to celebrate? Not that I am. Not that it meant anything to you.

I’m gonna be generous and assume that you lost to TJ Perkins because you were so overwhelmingly impressed by my win. What has happened to you???

OMG I heard you’re not signing with WWE which... um... fine. That’s fine. Good career choice, that’s all.

You’re all over the place now. Except my place. Which is fine! I have Okada! Must focus!!

Uhhh. Turns out Okada is champion for a reason. Um. I need to rethink... everything. Yeah, I used one of your moves again. Whatever.

The fucking Bullet Club, I swear. “Kenny, come out with us, you’ll love these girls!” (NO.) “Kenny, why don’t you let anyone but Matt and Nick second you, what, are you playing favorites?” (Uh, duh!) “Kenny, did you really murder Adam Cole?” (...no comment.) “Kenny, what exactly is Cody Rhodes doing here?” (Being interesting, okay? He has potential. He seems like someone I’d actually get along with, too, unlike you pieces of shit.) I’m gonna hide with Matt and Nick some more. And Marty, he’s cool, even if he still checks out my junk when he thinks I’m not looking. And Cody, I guess.

I see you went viral for shooting fireworks onto yourself and then moonsaulting off a car. Pffftt. It’s like no one knows you. It’s WAY the fuck weirder that you went to WWE.

I hung out with Cody alone and wound up kissing him. I realized what a bad idea this was before it got any further (I legitimately forgot he was married for a second, where the fuck is my head at?), but going by the look on his face, there was... damage... done. So I ran. Like you ran, I imagine, once you realized how much I... loved you. I loved you.

I love you. Part of me always will. I want to be the part that doesn’t. I don’t think it’s working.

Cody almost ruined my rematch with Okada, like I ruined your match with AJ, so, yeah, I fucked up there. I’m still pissed, though. How were you not this pissed? I’m totally going to make him pay for this, how did you not do that to me? Did I want you to? Was that why I did it?

Well, I’m not sorry. Just like I’m not sorry for texting Brandi right now.

I ran in on Cody’s match with Okada and I keep thinking about that instead of the actual title I just won. I’m going to meet Brandi and I don’t know who I am anymore. This is starting to feel like a confessional. Well, it’s sure as fuck not, or ever going to be an apology, ever again.

Well, that was dumb. Brandi is terrifying. I couldn’t even get it up. Then she demanded to know what I did with Cody. She threatened to waterboard me. Do they still do that in America? Why am I asking you?

I’m so glad you’re never going to actually read this. [2019 note: DRAMA-FREE 2019, we believe in transparency this year, damn it!]

.........................................................................................

You’re back.

You’re not in my block.

I need you to make it to the finals.

I need to make it to the finals.

I need this. I need you to know how I felt. How I feel.

That’s all.

Wait... what happened? You... you’re out of the running.

You really never cared about me. That’s it. That proves it. Not me talking about you in the press endlessly and you not dignifying it with a response. You were never much of a talker. But... you couldn’t even wrestle the way I know you can, the way that should get you to WIN the fucking G1.

I get the message. Fine. Fuck you, too. I’m gonna keep doing what I’m good at - better at than you, that’s for sure: winning.

I pinned him. I pinned Okada. You couldn’t have ignored that. I made sure you didn’t. You like my gear, Ibutan? I’m gonna keep proving how much better I am than you when I wear to pin Naito tomorrow, too.

...........What.

What the fuck were you doing there?

What do you want from me?

Don’t you want to just fight me? I’m sure you think you can still beat me. I wanted to prove you wrong. Come on, goddamn it, make me prove you wrong.

Why did your hands have to feel like... your hands? They felt like... like... part of me. A part of me I lost somewhere.

Why does your voice have to be so soft? Why did you have to be so gentle? So tender? So... caring? You don’t give a shit about me, remember?

You don’t. You don’t care. You never cared.

Please don’t make me think you cared.

I actually got on the phone with Michael to pass along that last message. I don’t care how childish it was, I needed you to hear that one thing. His response was to ask me if I really believed that.

I can’t. I can’t not believe it.

I have a bad feeling about this thing with Cody, like it’s gonna get ugly. I told him to stay away from you, just in case. If nothing else, I’m still the leader of Bullet Club. They all recognize that! They’ll keep him in check against you, at least.

I just... don’t want him to mess with you. You don’t need to get mixed up in this. It’ll get ugly. Like I said. That’s all it is.

Oh, great, of course the second I have my back turned, he messes with you! What was I thinking, honestly? Motherfucker...

I want to tell you... be careful. He’s gonna bring Brandi, and they’re gonna cheat. Maybe I’ll tell Michael to tell you. You don’t know them. It’s only fair.

Or... he’s gonna... flirt with you? What the...?

I want to fucking slap him every time he touches you.

Please kick the shit out of him.

You Phoenix splashed the life out of him! I wish that was literal!!!!

When he said I don’t love you like he loves you... I...

How’s your English these days? Maybe you didn’t understand him! Anyway, New Year Dash tonight, and you’re stuck with him again. I’m... I’m sorry. I’m genuinely sorry, once more. I don’t care how bitter I am. He shouldn’t be your problem.

Well. Since I can’t hide behind trying to recruit Jay White or my triumph over Jericho here... people keep asking me why I stopped Cody, and honestly? I don’t even know why they’re asking. I didn’t even have to think. I just ran. So when someone asks, I just stare at them until they stop asking.

I hope you’re okay.

Jesus christ, they’re making you tag against Cody AGAIN? Him trying to maim you last time wasn’t enough?

I see he’s just doubling down on me supposedly not caring about you. He wishes. I don’t wish, though. Not anymore. Those years we were together were real, and they mattered, and I can’t just rip them out of me. I’d be ripping out my spine. My guts. Oh, fuck it. My heart. Anyway, as long as Cody keeps his hands off chairs, I think you can take care of yourself. You’re tough, and as far as what he’s saying goes, I don’t think anyone’s fooled anymore. If they ever were.

After I beat Jay... maybe you’d want a shot at this title. You deserve it. You deserve... something. You always did. I never wanted to stop you. I just wanted to talk. I could’ve talked. I know I could’ve tried. I wish I had. I’m really sorry I didn’t. I’m sorry it took me three years to come around to that. I’m sorry I can’t just tell you this right now. But I will. Eventually. It’s gonna be hard, but I’ll figure out how to do it. I just have to.

I can’t sleep. Not when I can watch you sleep for the first time in years. What a fucking day. What am I gonna do with this notebook, now? I apologized to your face. And you... you apologized too. I wanted to apologize for ever doubting you, but you knew, you knew why I did, and you said you were sorry. Oh, Kota... [2019 note: ah, there are the waterworks again!] I don’t know what’s next. I don’t know what we’re up against. I don’t know if you want to team with me again. I don’t know how much Matt and Nick are really on our side, although I hope they are. Losing them would be almost as bad as losing you, by now. I don’t know if I’ve got the Bullet Club, but I’m not gonna lie, that power doesn’t suck, and I’ll hang on to it as long as I can. What I do know, now, is that if someone forces me to choose, I’ll choose you, over anything. I love you, and you love me. I felt it so many times, when you chased them away, when you hugged me, when I was inside you... I feel it everywhere. I always did, I think. Maybe I’ll keep this notebook as a reminder of how not to be an idiot about it. Or at least as a reminder of how NOT to apologize to you, because a lot of this... eeesh.

I feel so cleansed, Diary. I wish I could hold @goldenxstar right now. At least, unlike four years ago, I’m confident that I will, soon enough.

xoxo,

Kenny

[anime-dub-transcripts]

Hetalia: Axis Powers Episode #51 Transcript

This episode has America's fear of ghosts.

Germany: Hey, Italy! You’re going to be late for morning training!

Italy: Heh, eh, heh, eh, heh, eh, heh, eh, heh, eh, heh, eh…

Germany: I once killed a man in his sleep with his own mustache and a grape.

Italy: Aah! Fine; I’m up, I’m up!

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Germany: Hetalia!

{Caption: Hetalia}

Germany: Italy! You are late again today!

Italy: Huah, huah, huah, huah…

Germany: Hmmm…well, you do feel a little warm.

(Italy: Huah, huah, huah, huah…)

Italy: Achoo!

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

America: Japan, do you wanna watch a video with me? It’s really short!

(Tony: Weweweweweweheuh!)

Japan: It’s not another scary movie, is it?

{Caption: Scary}

America: So freakin’ scary! There’s no way I’m watching it alone!

(Tony: Wawawawawawawawawawa)

Japan: Auh…

{Text on TV: Ghosts in America}

America: Thanks a bunch. With you and Mr. Pillow, it’s only half as scary!

Japan: You don’t have to watch it at all, you know.

America: Say that again and I’ll kill you. Okay…let’s watch it.

Japan’s thoughts: It is rare to see America reduced to such insecurity…this movie must be true terror.

Movie narrator: Good evening. Welcome, my sweet little lambs, through the forbidden door into Hell! I’ll be your demonic guide for this evening! The horrors you are about to witness will burn your brain ‘til damnation day! I hope you enjoy your stay; mwahahahahahahaha!

America: Huahuahuahuahauah!

Movie narrator: Well, then, why don’t I give you your first taste of the darkness that awaits you. Do you see the rather handsome cowboy in the picture here? Your minds can’t grasp the horror staring you in the face! This picture captured a portal to the other side. Do you see it? It’s hard to have your picture taken when you’ve…been dead for a hundred years! Mwahahahaha!

Japan: So dumb…aha…

America: AAHHH! Real life ghost in a picture; that’s freaking brutal! Make it stop! Huahuahauhauah! Please tell me he’s just making it up; there’s no way that’s a real ghost! I’m just gonna have to pretend that didn’t happen! Rock-a-bye baby in the tree top! When the wind blows, the cradle will rock!

(Japan: Auh…auh…)

America: Aah, I’m scared! Turn it off! Hold me! Ghosts are scary; that was a bad idea! Bad VCR, bad! I’m gonna pee my pants! This is so scary! Aaaaaaaahhhhh!

Japan: Now, America…try to calm down and look at this next scene; it’s not so bad!

America: There’s two ghosts in that one, so it’s twice as scary! Aah!

Japan: Take the time to examine it closer! Stare deep into those pools of blue nothing.

America: I’m scared!

Japan: You will soon realize…hm…there is nothing to be afraid of.

America: What the hell is wrong with you?!

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America: Hetalia!

{Caption: Hetalia}

America: Oh, thank God…it’s over! I almost wet my pants!

Japan: That’s gross.

Japan’s thoughts: Why did you watch it?

America: Boy, that was scary! But I’m tough, and I watched it all the way through!

Japan’s thoughts: Why did you watch it?! You didn’t have to watch it! Who am I talking to?

America: Guess what, Japan! I need help with this chick, Bloody Mary!

Japan: Screw you. No way!

(America: Come on, pussy!)

Japan: Mr. America! You cannot go through life scared by stuff you see on television! Now, I’m giving you these horror video games so you can get used to scary stuff!

America: Aha! I can’t be scared, ‘cause games are about death and winning, and I’m America! Right on! Wanna play? Uhh…

{Caption: The next day…}

Japan: America? Are you okay? How did you do with the video games? I hope you weren’t attacked by any of the real spirits that can come from them.

America: Hhhnnn…hello…Japan!

Japan: Huahuahuahuah!

America: Hahahahaha! Dude, I totally got you! You afraid of a little boo-berry makeup?

Japan: Aah! Tell me that monster didn’t really get you!

(America: Ahahahaha!)

America: No way, those games were totally fun! And that monster was cute!

(Japan: Uh?)

Japan: What do you mean, “cute”?

America: Oh, man…you’re such a wuss, that’s funny! Ahahahahahahahaha!

(Japan: Eh…. ehh…)

Japan: Ehhhh…

Narrator: And so, another triumph of cross-cultural celebration with America in the driver’s seat. USA!