#I WILL STILL LOVE UR PIECE REGARDLESS OF HOW IT LOOKS

[lotus-pear]

still hesitating abt joining [because how the hell do I draw a dazai] but more seriously, everyone's entry are so pretty

bbg drawing dazai is soooo easy trust🙏🏼 he's literally the autism creature with a black wig. observe

perfect replica

[lexluvswriting]

♛ Princess Treatment.

“Ain’t it like thunder under earth, the sound it makes? Ain’t it exciting you, the rumble where you lay?”

- NFWMB; Hozier.

-> Pairing: Loki x plus-size! princess! reader.

-> CW: 18+ CONTENT! NSFW! SMUT AHEAD! MINORS, DNI. fem! reader (she/her), fem genitalia used, plus-size reader, allusions to low self-confidence and harmful behaviours, mentions of fat shaming, princess reader au! Loki is a doting, loving, lowkey-obsessed partner who loves to see us shine! Breeding! DON’T be like these dummies, regardless of what timeline ur in. Wrap. Before. You. Tap.

-> TW: porn with slight plot; no use of y/n; soft-ish dom!Loki x sub!reader; unprotected p in v sex; oral sex (f receiving); face-sitting; praising (f receiving); body worship (f receiving); dirty talk; breeding (lol); mirror sex, mirror sex, mirror sex!

W/C: 4.8

╰┈➤ Lex's note: thanks to this anon’s req, you all have this!! firstly: i am so sorry for ghosting, and being super late in my fic posting!!! it wasn’t intentional at all 😔 (uni is hard & mental health takes a toll T-T). second: Loki! Likes! Thick! Girls! anyway- Hozier did inspire this, HOW DID YOU KNOW?? indeed, NOTHING fucks with Loki's baby. I hope i did this request justice AND i hope we all giggle & squeal at this beautiful God the way i did. TYSM ANON for requesting <3 <3

“I do not believe this to be a fair council if we are not considering the voices of the people.”

Your voice was clear as you stood to say your piece, smoothing one of the ruffles along the waistline of your dress as you did so. Your head was held high as you spoke, commanding the attention of all the others who were part of this monthly council- the royals from the territories surrounding Asgard would convene at certain locations routinely to discuss oncoming threats, or other diplomatic concerns as ‘equals’, with today’s meeting taking place in one of King Odin’s many conference chambers.

“Malekith’s constant threats put strain on our territories, yes, but also on our citizens. Pulling more tithe from our villages will not warrant greater victory- I believe that it will worsen the tensions that are already rising.” As you continued your advocacy, you glanced around to ensure you held each attendant’s attention, before your eyes settled on blue irises that twinkled with usual cunning charm. Your mouth was on auto-pilot- this speech rehearsed to the point where you mumbled it in your sleep at times- allowing you to focus on the beauty of the prince across the table. His eyes of blue, like Jotunheim ice, watched you with a fondness only you could recognise while he reclined in his chair, flipping his dagger as he listened to you. Each time you felt flustered, you’d look back to him, for his eyes to soften and his chin to dip in the smallest, softest of encouraging nods, flushing out your nerves and leaving a sensual warmth that started in your chest and leaked into your lower stomach. You could do this. You could do this, then retreat back to the comfort of your lover’s room and let him coddle you like he loved to do.

“As lovely as your attempts are, princess, we do not have time to shed wasteful tears over a few peasant bodies.” A dry, dismissive voice cut you off before you could conclude; the callousness in his mention of the ‘peasants’- including your own people- made your fists curl. An older man from a neighbouring kingdom waved his hand dismissively as he sat back in his chair, swirling his goblet lazily. He barely spared you a glance, shaking his head as he continued with a bored expression,

“We deploy soldiers to protect these peasants. What do they need to fear? They are expected to provide mass harvests, and we deploy mass protection. If they do not know how to serve their kingdoms, why should we prioritise the preservation of such useless people?” 

Your breath stopped, eyes widening as you turned to him directly, yet you sensed Loki go deadly still in your peripheral, noticing the way he caught the dagger, blade facing up, holding it a little tighter as the lord spoke.

“Their families are starving enough as it is. They do not control the weather, nor the integrity of the soil! We cannot possibly place more expectations-”

“If they were worried about providing for their kingdoms, they would not be so reckless in their breeding, princess. If they were smarter, they’d sacrifice a few of those runts to gain more supplies. That, my dear, is why the rich stay rich, and the poor stay poor.” He droned on, the lord’s beady eyes finally looking at you, up and down slowly before his lip curled in a sneer,

“Perhaps their ‘starvation’ is simply a thinness they’ve earnt from working as hard as they have. Not that one might expect you to understand, princess.” The comment left a bitter taste in your mouth, making your throat tighten as the room suddenly went cold. You felt as if every pair of eyes watched you- scrutinising your rounder, curvier appearance compared to others. Granted, you weren’t the most ‘conforming’ to society’s beauty standards as far as princesses went within the nine realms, but you had believed your curvier body type was representative- beautiful- despite the criticisms. Yet the current whispers that swirled from around the room, the stares that your paranoia sucked in greedily, it made you want to crumble in a little heap and wither. In that moment, your stomach tightened, as if it would never eat again, and you felt yourself sucking in, straightening your posture subconsciously at his twisted, barbed retort.

“What exactly are you trying to imply?” The voice that spoke up was not your own but rather, the God of Mischief who stayed reclined. You watched him, slowly twirling his dagger between his fingers again- a calculating, threatening display of dexterity that made the bystanders in the room stiffen- while he cocked his head the way a beast would before devouring its prey. You had been on the receiving end of that stare many a time, but his eyes would not gleam with murderous intent; rather a hunger, as if you were a Goddess offering your nectar to a starving man. Yet even that memory couldn’t quell the uneasiness you felt as you slowly sat down, still silent.

“I did not say you could sit, princess.”

Your thighs had barely touched the edge of the chair as you froze, eyes flicking up to meet Loki’s who watched you with that mischievous gleam; plotting, planning, the way he usually was. You tried to shake your head, not wanting to be in the spotlight any longer, but he nodded, pointing his dagger at you as if it were a goblet- finally stirring something in you at his protectiveness,

“I’d like to hear you finish,” Your thighs squeezed together at the implication, “Your ideas seemed very promising- far more fulfilling than the vitriol I’ve heard during the earlier half of this forsaken meeting.” Huffs and murmurs of protest started, before being hushed as Thor- a supporter of your’s and his brother’s private relationship- cleared his throat, nodding at you to continue.

You hesitated, swallowing thickly as you slowly stood up again, voice considerably less confident than before as you completed your proposal, which had left the other participants nodding or murmuring contemplatively to those next to them. The lord who had insulted you simply rolled his eyes, taking a swig of his goblet before chiming in again- as if he couldn’t help himself-

“Ah, yes. The people’s princess. Forgive me for being so ‘out of order’,” His sneer told you the exact opposite as he sat back with a sigh, “At least they’ll know who to come to for meat if your lands are ever amidst a siege.” He muttered under his breath, earning a few malicious sneers and snickers, and as Loki snarled, Thor banged his hammer against the table,

“That will conclude this meeting. We will return later, when we have remembered how to behave like proper royals, and not barbaric animals.” He growled, the threat evident in his voice. You didn’t meet Loki’s gaze as you ducked your head, the first one to leave the meeting hall with tears that welled quickly.

--- ⋆⁺₊✧｡˚⋆♛｡⁺୨୧˚⋆⁺₊✧ ---

“I never want to go to another meeting again.”

“Oh, my darling, don’t say that.” He murmured, pressing kisses to the crown of your head as you buried your face against his torso. He had been laid back against the headboard of his bed, waiting for you after the meeting with his arms out wide as soon as you entered, and you crawled into them with teary eyes, sniffling as you lay in between his legs, face nuzzled against his torso as you cried a little.

“I feel absolutely humiliated!”

“My darling- my little Goddess- your father sends you as a representative to these meetings because he sees your brilliance, as do I-”

“Yet they all laughed at me!”

“Nobody would dare, my love, not unless they wanted my daggers carving out their insides.” His voice had remained soothing as he cooed praises, one hand rubbing your back while the other loosened the ties of your dress, letting you relax more, breathing freely as the corset underneath the bodice stopped crushing your chest and compressing your internal organs.

“He was right.”

“Who, love?” He hummed, barely listening to your vent, more focused on soothing you and your body- his vice, as he’d tell you whenever he was in between your legs, or looking up at you as you’d ride him- only to pause at your next words.

“The lord.” You sniffled, looking up at him with teary eyes as you shuffled slightly, climbing up him to rest your head against his chest.

“The lord? The lord is an insignificant fool- a worm who has been left alive to wriggle for too long. You are wonderful, beloved-”

“Loki.” You groaned, sullen as you hid your face against his neck, not in the mood for sympathy- regardless of how sincere it may have been.

“Be honest with yourself!” You snapped, the anger not even anger at all, but a storm of self-doubt, harsh self-criticism and insecurity,

“All these nobles see is a frumpy pig in pearls & frilly dresses, alright? So let us say it for what it is. I am fat. I am fat, and hard to look at, and I don’t even look like a proper princess-”

“Never,” He had flipped you both over faster than you could blink, his snarl protective as he grabbed your face with his left hand, pinning your hands above your head on the pillow with your right, rearranging your positions with that unfair godly strength he possessed, “Utter that filth again.”

Your tears had stopped in their tracks; doe eyes wide as you looked up at him, pouty lips parted in shock, face slightly flushed from crying.

“For as long as the sun brings day, and the moon calls night, I never want to hear you utter such horrid curses. Not a damn word. Do you hear me?” He growled, fingers holding your chin firmly before his hand cupped the side of your face instead, thumb brushing away the tears that lingered before he rubbed at the soft squish of your cheek. His index and thumb pinched at the apples of your cheek- the only apples he’d crave as long as he lived- gently, before kissing either side of your face.

“You are the only woman in all nine realms I love. You are the only woman I want; be it above me, beneath me or by my side. You may be the people’s princess, but you are a queen to me. The only woman I would kneel for- be it in the comfort of our bed chambers, or in the middle of the damn courtyard. Understand?” His words reverberated in your ears, rattling around your puddle of a brain before slinking over your heart and straight down to your core. The warmth he had triggered when he defended you during the meeting came back again in full force, your breathing hitching as you gawked up at him, before finally nodding dumbly, as if you had lost all ability to speak.

“If this is truly how you feel, then I must be punished for failing you.”

You blinked, trying to understand where he was going with this- your sulky voice a mere squeak as you echoed his words,

“P… punished?-”

“Oh, yes. Severely punished, for failing to present just how infatuated I am.” He murmured lowly as if this was a grave offence, his cock stirring in his pants as he saw your brain working behind your eyes; the way the words clicked and the way your thighs squeezed together, making your cheeks redden as your lips quivered.

“If I have to fuck my love into you for you to remember how beautiful you are, then I will make sure neither of us leave this bed until I have done it successfully.” His voice had taken a husky dive, your stomach coiling as your chest puffed up, nipples pebbling beneath the layers of fabric making up the bodice of your dress. Your body responded for you, tears drying to accommodate the curious twinkles of desire that began to shine through instead. His hands moved slowly, grabbing at the clothed flesh of your shapely hips, before slowly moving up over your body- your heart racing, even skipping a few beats from the intensity that he stared at you with- before his palms cupped your breasts. The soft mounds of your body could not simply be contained by a God’s measly palm, as if testament to your beauty, and he groaned at the sight, before grabbing his dagger impatiently, making you squeak,

“Loki!” You grabbed his hand, “I like this gown.” You mumbled, the lust glazing over your irises, making him huff softly before discarding the small weapon, only to pull you to sit up right on the bed with him, ridding you of the garment as he pulled it off.

“I could have bought you ten more. Ten more dresses to adorn this heavenly body.” His praise was a hungry growl- the timbre of his voice becoming more and more telling of his lustful desires- as his lips found purchase against the top of your breasts, making you gasp as his hands grabbed at the globes of your rear- his cock twitching at each whimper, straining unbearably against his pants as he beheld you. His princess. His darling. 

And he’d happily slaughter anyone who threatened your comfort.

“Look at yourself, princess,”

His hands turned you around like you were a ragdoll, squeezing your hips as he pressed his own against the flesh of your ass, making you whine softly as you shut your eyes, knowing exactly where he had positioned you both. He knelt behind you on the bed, making you sit on your knees while he peeked over your shoulder, resting his chin on the surface, his icy eyes meeting yours in the mirror in front of his bed after a soft squeeze of your breast made your eyes flutter open.

“Loki-”

“Hush, my darling. I know what you want… my needy little princess. My precious girl.”

His praises only made your cunt clench eagerly, the emptiness making you whine as your eyes followed the way his hands roamed over you in the mirror. Where you saw cellulite and stretch marks, he saw health. Where you saw rolls of fat and pudginess, he saw comfort. Your breasts were his pillows, your thighs his ear muffs during the colder seasons; your body was his home, and he planned to show you just how much it all meant to him. How much you meant to him.

“You know, darling, in Jotunheim… where I was born?” A squeeze of your left breast, fingers gently capturing your nipple between them to toy with while he murmured in your ear between kisses,

“The male giants believe that the bigger their mate, the healthier their children would be. And for you, my princess, the giants would see curves like yours and go to war in your name.” He hummed, licking and nipping at the sensitive skin of your neck while he teased your body gently, your breathy whines and heedy noises making him feral. Your eyes widened at his words, before his other hand cupped your mound, barely giving you time to adjust before his teeth marked your skin, making you moan abruptly. You saw the way he smiled wolfishly in the reflection of the mirror, his low chuckle alluring to your senses as he purred in your ear,

“Does that appeal to you, princess? Wielding the knowledge that your body alone appeals to my base desires- my primal needs?” He growled the word accordingly, and you bucked your hips back into his clothed cock while his fingers sampled the wetness pooling in the apex between your thighs. 

“Loki-”

“Allow me, my love, to make you feel like a queen tonight.”

As if he didn’t do that anyway.

He pulled away, before lying down with his head near the foot of the bed, so you’d see your reflection as he pulled you up to straddle his chest.

“My face is your throne, beloved. And I’d like to taste everything you have to offer.” He murmured, making your heart leap up to your throat, before plummeting straight down to your stomach as he wrapped his arms around your pillowy thighs, the sensation of him handling you making you squeak. Once your dripping cunt was hovering over his face, he groaned softly, as if he had been starving, and your hands braced his arms gently as you mumbled his name, before inclining your head. He watched curiously, before realising his mistake and let magic dissolve his clothing, leaving you both equally bare, his cock jumping at the way your thighs squeezed slightly, enjoying the sight of his nakedness.

Without further ado, he pulled you down- the movement making you squeal lightly- until your lower lips connected with his. He pressed a loving kiss to your mound- the feeling making you shiver- his tongue poking out at your glistening folds, tasting your honey greedily as he lapped at you. The taste of you made his cock jump, combined with the string of moans and mewls you released while his tongue wrote a love letter between your legs. You cried out his name in a strained moan, hands immediately grabbing at his silken locks for some sort of stability while he smothered himself in your nectar, absolutely drinking you in like you were his last meal. Every single time he did this, it always managed to get better and better- how? You had no damn clue.

“Look at yourself for me, pet.” His voice sounded in your muddled brain, despite his mouth being occupied, making you look up towards the mirror in shock, only to notice a slightly greenish tinge to your eyes- green from his magic as you realised he was looking through your eyes, both of you watching the sight of yourself atop his face. The both of you enjoyed the way your body jerked and jumped in the mirror as his head moved eagerly, hands squeezing at the plump fat of your inner thighs as he ate you out eagerly, like it was his favourite activity.

“You know it is.” His wicked, wicked voice of liquid sex appeal reverberated, making you whine, unable to even scowl from the way his tongue kept your eyes fluttering shut; only to feel his teeth nip at your inner thigh, a silent reminder to keep them open and on the mirror.

“You’re going to watch yourself, and watch the beauty that I am blessed with, as I make you come. Do you understand me, princess?”

You nodded dumbly, giving in to his demands as you weakly rode his face, his hands moving your hips along as he groaned into your mound, nose nudging the top of your wet cunt while his tongue stroked you, delving past and into your hole, making your gasp break into a weak whine as your head lolled back. Your brain was fuzzy, and you found yourself whining his name- which only made him harder and harder while he moaned at the taste, feeling and sound of you. If fate were to have him at your feet, only to serve you, he’d happily give up his titles to do so; especially with the way you looked above him right now. Soon enough, he was pulling an orgasm from you- your voice increasing higher in pitch, cracking more and more as you grunted and whimpered between moans, your breathing uneven as you tried your best to watch yourself, or more importantly, him between your legs. His neglected cock wept with beads of pre-cum from the blissful torture of hearing you, yet not being used to please you. He could have come from your moans alone, but he held back, determined to drive his point home- as well as drive into you.

“Oh, Loki- Loki I’m- mmm- I- ah-”

“It’s alright, darling. I’m right here.”

“I’m so close- so close-”

“Come for me, princess. My beautiful, beautiful princess.”

His coo made you squeak, before crying out as your release slammed into you, warmth flooding your lower stomach and gushing out, with Loki groaning happily as you sated his hunger yet again. You watched yourself, the way your eyes were half-lidded, the way you had some sort of blissful after-glow after he pulled such an orgasm from your core. You trembled slightly, whimpering as he gently guided your legs back, helping to shuffle you until you were resting against his painfully neglected erection- flinching slightly as he hissed upon feeling the warmth of your plush thighs snug against his hips, and the warmth radiating off your needy cunt.

“There you are… there’s my girl… my beautiful girl.” 

He groaned huskily, pushing himself up to kiss you, making you mewl at the taste of yourself on his lips, on his tongue as it swirled against yours in a hedonistic display.

“Are you convinced yet, my love? Or shall I continue until you have no choice but to agree?” He was absolutely drunk off of your essence as he asked it, his hips lifting up into you lightly, rubbing himself against your wetness as he watched your eyes flutter shut for a moment to enjoy the feeling of himagainst your slit. Seeing the way he was so determined to please you, it made your mind reel; the fondness in his gaze as he watched you come, the tenderness he showered you with as he kissed you, before leaning back on his elbows, looking at you like that? It certainly made something in your brain switch.

“I…” You bit your lip, before nodding as you mustered up the courage, “I want to watch myself ride you.”

As soon as you said that, you could have sworn Loki whimpered- your eyes widening as he grabbed at your hips- pawing at you like he was some desperate concubine.

“Please- please ride me, my princess. Please, let me watch you- let me see through your eyes.” He murmured, leaning up to latch onto one of your heavy breasts, his tongue warm against your hardened nipple; the sensation making you gasp a breathy “Yes,” earning a hungry groan as he shifted, aligning himself with your entrance. You glanced down at where his mouth found purchase against your chest, his eyes on you as he pulled away, probably to kiss you, only to freeze as he felt you begin to sink down on him slowly.

You both gasped softly, before moaning together at the sensation- as if you two didn’t do this many times before- his head tilting back and his eyes screwing shut.

“Oh, my princess- my beautiful girl- Norns, you feel so good-” He growled out, hands grabbing your hips like a lifeline as he let you set the pace. Your attention, however, was focused on the mirror as you watched yourself, from the way your curves rippled with each moment of impact, to the way his hands grabbed at your soft, comforting flesh; fingers digging into the comfort of your skin for solace. Your warm, tight cunt gripped him for dear life as you rolled your body against his, hands splayed against his chest as you bounced so nicely.

The fat head of his cock found your spot easily- his sensitive tip prodding against your gummy walls over and over- eliciting gasps of his name as you watched his shaft disappear into you over and over.

“Who’s my princess?”

He cooed, his voice like velvet, making you clench more around him- to which he chuckled at- before flexing his hips up into you, helping you feel all of him as you impaled yourself on his wide cock. You could only whine at his praise, your cheeks warming as your hands flinched up to hide your face, only for his hands to catch your wrists and pull them back to his chest,

“Ah, ah. That’s not what I asked, darling. I said,” His hips bucked up into you to prove his point, the harsh, sudden thrust making you moan,

“Who’s my princess?”

Your brain was practically a gushing puddle of matter, your face the epitome of raw, unadulterated pleasure. You had stopped watching the mirror, eyes blurring as you lost yourself in the pulses of that warm, wonderful feeling he gifted you with every time the tip of him hit your spongy walls, yet you mumbled out an almost incoherent, “I am,” earning you a growl of approval and

More.

Hard.

Thrusts.

Thrusts that left you moaning and whining helplessly as you grabbed at his hands, fingers interlacing together as your body tightened again from the sensitivity of your recent orgasm, and the sensation of your wonderful body clenching around him made the God groan your name, along with curses in an old language that sent warmth thrumming for you. Your mewls joined his groans in a raw melody of love and lust; his infatuation with you seeming to grow stronger with every thrust, every beautiful, sinful noise you made.

“Tell me darling, do you like what you see?”

His voice was strained as he fucked up into you, his arms wrapping around your hips, holding you flush against him while he bucked his hips. The combined sounds of wet arousal from your cunt, and skin slapping against skin as his thighs smacked against your plush rear, made you squeak out his name, barely registering his words.

“So beautiful, my princess… My Goddess, my beautiful girl.” He grunted, his eyes glazed over with lust, yet the expression he gave you was nothing but adoration before he slowed his thrusts suddenly. You blinked, whimpering a noise of confusion before he repositioned you with careful movements, laying you across his bed and parallel to the mirror opposite, so you both could watch the scene that played out together as he slid back inside you again, hands gripping your hips as he restrained his thrusts to slow rolls, the gentle, consistent pace making you sigh, toes curling as he peppered your body with kisses.

“I should worship you properly, my darling- should fill you with my seed ‘til you give me a bunch of beautiful little heirs.” He groaned, his teeth sinking into his lower lip as he watched you, while your eyes watched the mirror, meeting his gaze for the moment to nod- the both of you like irresponsible teenagers as he humped into you desperately- your own lip caught between your teeth, eyes all wide and innocent-like, which made him growl and increase the pace of his hips.

“Do you want that, my pretty Goddess? Want me to worship you properly?” He grabbed your face, turning your head to face him as your lips caught in a searing kiss. He swallows your moans greedily, guttural noises sounding from the back of his throat as he kissed you over and over.

“Please, Loki.”

You barely recognised your voice, with how soft and whiny it was, and your body was absolutely sensitive- his thrusts sending jolts of pleasure so strong that it ruined the integrity of your muscles- your legs trembling as he cupped under your thighs, folding you over slightly and swearing as he felt your body tighten greedily, as if you were anticipating his release.

“Mm? Tell me, my darling, tell me what you need of me. How can I reward you, my princess?”

His voice had lowered huskily as he repeatedly buried himself within you. The action had you seeing stars, making you cry out for him before you pleaded weakly,

“Please, please- I want you to come-”

You pawed at his chest, wrapping your arms around his neck as best you could while you kissed him. Your pleas fell on listening ears, and the God rewarded you with a guttural groan, one specific thrust forcing out an orgasm you didn’t even know was building- the action making you all but keen for him- as your body clenched. Your mound tightened around him with the intent to milk him dry, and he finally let himself come- slamming his hips into you with a sense of finality- while he groaned your name over and over like a prayer, his forehead resting against yours as you both panted, with his cock twitching and jumping as he drained himself, every last hot rope of white painting your pretty walls. He stayed in you until he softened, as if to make real on his promise of fucking his love into you, before he collapsed beside you on the bed with a hum of content.

You had both come down from your highs together, and he had wrapped you up in his arms to pepper your face with kisses as he whispered sweet nothings and that made you giggle.

“Shall I kill that lord, for you, my love?”

“Loki.”

“It is but an innocent suggestion, my princess. Only to work in your favour.”

“Loki.”

“Alright, alright. But you must admit, I did do what I said I would, no?”

“Gods help me.”

╰┈➤ Lex's note 2: i hope you guys love this as much as i did! pls feel free to request any time!! <3 L'autunno ch:5 & 6 are definitely otw, as well as another req for (you guessed it) Loki!! hehe. thank you for reading, my loves!!

[mydearzero]

helloooo beautiful, ur recent Spence fic sent me feral - can I request a Reid x reader where they’re dating and the non bau!reader gets jealous of JJ getting to spend all this time w Spence at work and spence reassuring her it’s nothing between them. Fluff but if it got smutty then hey ;) thank you gorgeous

Hii! Thank you so much for your request! I hope you enjoy!! I was honestly feeling kinda mushy about this one so adding smut just felt out of place, sorry for that one folks

About a Girl | Spencer Reid x Reader

MASTERLIST

18+ MINORS DO NOT INTERACT

Summary: You could never be like her. You were at peace with that. So why couldn't you shake the jealous, envious feeling whenever you saw Spencer with JJ?

Contents: NO Y/N, gn!Reader, angst, hurt/comfort, jealousy, comparing yourself to others, insecurity, fluff, non-BAU!reader, bathing together.

1.8K words it's short I know

SSA Jennifer 'JJ' Jareau: Mom, profiler, and one of Spencer's best friends. You looked up to her, in a way. She was successful and respected in her field, something anybody could only wish for. Combined with her sense of humour, personality and undeniable good looks, you were jealous. 

It had taken some time for you to admit it to yourself. You liked JJ. She was a good, honest person and a great friend to your boyfriend. But you slowly felt yourself comparing yourself to her increasingly often. 

You couldn't live up to it. You weren't like JJ. Somewhere deep inside, the logical part of your brain told you that you didn't have to be. Spencer liked you for who you were. You knew it, yet you couldn't shake the envious feeling anytime her name fell in conversation. You couldn't stop the tight feeling you got in your chest whenever you saw the head of long blonde locks fall backwards in a hearty laugh directed at your boyfriend. 

Spencer knew something was wrong. How could he not? It was ingrained into his very being to read you at any given time. He wouldn't understand. You loved him, you did, but these were the types of things he just couldn't seem to grasp. You knew your feelings were irrational in theory. But that didn't mean you didn't still feel them regardless. He'd try to explain them away. 

So you didn't tell him. Refused to talk about the simmering bitterness. 

It frustrated Spencer. You could tell. He was usually able to read you like the morning paper, thrown carelessly on the lawn. He couldn't be objective in his profiling when it came to you. He knew you were on friendly terms with his best friend, so why would he ever assume that that was the problem? 

You didn't blame him, didn't blame anybody but yourself. 

It wasn't until a regular Thursday night dinner over at Rossi's that Spencer finally figured it out. The atmosphere was light, wine was flowing, and stories were being shared. Spencer laughed wholeheartedly at one of JJ's tales about Henry's late-night shenanigans. He'd caught your strange, longing gaze directed at JJ. His heart broke at the realisation, putting the pieces together at lightning speed.

You were jealous of his friendship with JJ and beating yourself up for it. He didn't know what to do about it. He could only assure you he loved you, but Spencer knew you knew that. He knew you were likely aware your worries were unwarranted. Which must only make you feel worse about the feelings you were harbouring. Spencer cursed silently at himself for not realising it earlier. 

You met his gaze, giving him a soft, genuine smile. So, the feelings weren't directed at him. It was JJ who was troubling you. He turned to her, seated next to him. You'd insisted on sitting next to Emily, claiming you needed to catch up with her. Were you punishing yourself for feeling the way you did? By making him choose to sit next to JJ? 

Spencer excused himself from the table, claiming to feel unwell. You frowned, gathering your things, saying your goodbyes and following Spencer out the door. He didn't speak as his hand met your lower back, guiding you to the passenger side of his car. He held the door as you got in. 

The ride to his apartment was silent but not necessarily unpleasant. Spencer's hand reached for yours over the console, rubbing his thumb over the back of your hand in a soothing manner.

"You okay?" You asked. He'd seemed fine only minutes earlier. He nodded, squeezing your hand. 

"Yeah, I'm fine. Are you?" Spencer inquired. You furrowed your brows, confused as to why he'd ask. He was the one that wanted to leave, after all. 

"Yeah? I'm fine. Why? Is that why you wanted to go? Because you thought I wasn't?" You'd been having fun exchanging stories with Emily. What had he seen that had made him immediately pack up and leave? 

"Yeah... Let's talk when we get home, okay?" He sent a quick look into your eyes, assuring you it was nothing bad. It didn't make the dread building in your stomach any less present. 

Spencer parked the car and got the door for you. He usually was a true gentleman, but he was noticeably going out of his way to ensure your comfort. 

You walked up to his door and waited for him to unlock it. He took your jacket and hung it on the rack beside his own. You took your shoes off and put them by the door, giving Spencer a peck on his cheek as he passed you into the kitchen. 

"Tea?" His voice echoed. 

"Yes, please!" You replied, plopping down on the couch and getting comfortable. Spencer was obviously not troubled by the topic he wanted to talk about, so the tension you felt in the car was slowly dissipating. 

Spencer walked carefully with the mugs in either hand. He put yours in front of you before sitting down and taking a tentative sip of his own, hissing at the heat. 

"You wanted to talk?" You urged, no longer having the patience to wait. 

"Yeah... I just noticed something tonight I should've noticed before. I don't know how to change your feelings about it, though. I know you know I love you more than anything. So, I understand you're feeling conflicted, and I'm not mad you kept it to yourself." Spencer started. He was hesitant. 

"Kept what to myself, Spence?" Your heart was beating fast, and you cursed your body for overreacting. He obviously wasn't mad or breaking up with you. 

"Your feelings about my friendship with JJ," Spencer spoke outright. Your heart dropped, and you couldn't help but feel caught. You closed your eyes and bit the inside of your cheek, turning your head away from him.

"I'm right, aren't I?" Spencer's words were quiet, but you knew there was no use hiding it from him anymore. You nodded in defeat before jumping to your own defence. 

"I know it's irrational, okay? I know I have nothing to worry about. I know JJ's just a good friend, and she's happily married to Will, and she has the kids and... And I know you'd never do anything to jeopardise our relationship, and I know you love me, but you spend so much time with her at work, and she has a key to your apartment, and I know it was just to look after your mom while she was here-" You rambled, but Spencer sushed you. 

"Hey, hey. I know. I know. There's no need to defend the way you're feeling. Sometimes, feelings can be irrational, and I do spend a lot of time with her. I know that you know, okay? That doesn't make the way that you're feeling any less valid," Spencer assured you. 

"I'm so sorry, Spencer. I just- I can't stop it once I start. She's amazing, Spence. And I know you'll say I am, as well. But it's not the same. It'll never be the same. I can't give you what she does." 

"And I'm not asking you to. I'm in a relationship with you. She's one of my best friends. Those dynamics offer different things, and I'm okay with that. If you want me to change my dynamic with JJ, I'll work on it. Just tell me what you need, please," Spencer begged. 

A singular tear escaped your eye, rolling down your cheek. You wanted to scoff at it. You'd kept it in for so long. You weren't even sure where the bitterness came from nor where it was truly directed. 

"I guess I just need the external validation. I know you love me, and I feel it. My head knows you wouldn't let anything get between us. It's just my heart that won't cooperate." Spencer tugged you to his chest, putting a hand in your hair and stroking softly. 

"There's no need to apologise. You can't force your body to change how you're feeling, unfortunately. If it was that straightforward, my job would be a whole lot easier, too." Spencer laughed. 

A short laugh escaped through your tears. "I know, Spence. I just wish I could shut it off. JJ's a wonderful person. She doesn't deserve this." 

"And neither do you. And if it's gonna take some extra effort from me to make your body catch up with your head, I'll gladly put it in. Come on," Spencer got up, taking your hand in his. You trailed behind him as he stalked to the bathroom. He turned the faucet on, waiting for it to get warm before letting the water fill the bathtub. He put a generous amount of aromatic soap into it, letting it bubble. 

"Wait here," he urged. 

You stared at the grout between the tiles, following the paths it created as you waited for Spencer to return. The sound of the water plummeting into the tub covered any conspicuous noises coming from whatever he was doing. Steam was slowly forming around you, the bathroom filling with the lavender scent of Spencer's favourite soap. 

He quickly returned, arms filled with all sorts of products. Candles, snacks, a book and some comfy clothes. 

"Why're you still dressed?" He questioned, positioning the candles around the tub and bathroom. 

"You said to wait!" You shrugged. 

"Well, get on with it!" Spencer laughed, encouraging you to undress. 

"Gee, Reid. Someone might almost think you want to see me naked." You winked, tugging your top over your head. 

"Oh, I always want to see you naked, but that's not what tonight is about," Spencer assured. He lit a few candles, their light making the bathroom less clinical-looking in an instant. 

You remained in your underwear, assuming Spencer would be joining you after his frantic preparations. When he finally had everything arranged how he wanted it, he undressed. You took off your underwear and let him help you into the bath, careful to avoid any candles. He got in behind you, pulling you backwards to settle against his chest. 

"I love you," Spencer declared, taking some soap and rubbing your back. The great thing about having a boyfriend with an eidetic memory is that he could remember many massage techniques intended for relaxation. You unwound under his gentle touch. 

You stayed in the water until both of you were pruned up. Spencer had read to you, fed you snacks, massaged every part of your body he could think of and made sure you felt loved. 

Sure, you weren't like JJ. But she wasn't like you, either. And that was okay. It wouldn't make Spencer love you any less, nor her any more. 

[the-modern-typewriter]

hhhhhhhh your work is just absolutely amazing and I cannot get enough of it… so much that I miiiight have just rebooted the last like two years of your blog… so uh sorry about ur notifs

And some of it had me thinking about how I tend to see like worldbuilding and/or scenarios that revolve around like sex as a necessity- such as like sexpollen or idk fuckordie scenarios - and I always wonder about how another asexual person would react to those, esp if they were more sex repulsed. There just doesn’t seem like space for us to exist in those worlds lol. And maybe it would be clinical or just like wet and awkward. Or they just can’t do it, regardless of the consequences. Your piece with the ace protag who described kissing as just like wet really resonated with me ig. Sorry about the word dump here oop. So if you want, I’d love to see your take on the situation.

I actually think there's a lot of space for asexual or aromantic experiences in these scenarios! Perhaps not the stereotypical take, but the consent/power/attraction dynamics inherent to these scenarios can form an interesting comment for parts of the ace experience.

To be honest, I've always viewed these scenarios on the horror spectrum and I would probably write them as such. Though I also don't think they have to be.

I might write something fully at some point, but:

Fuck or die/sex pollen is simply an extreme version of the already existing societal pressure to have sex/engage 'normally' with the culture we live in. It would be very easy to use that to make these scenarios an ace horror story.

When you add aceness to the mixture, or any sexuality that conflicts with the specific pairing in mind, is that irrelevant to the larger forces at work in the story (e.g. the plant, or the people forcing the fuck/die scenario or whatever) or is the point? E.g. is there a version of the story where someone ace is dosed with sex-pollen because it's considered an in-world cure for asexuality given it manufactures sexual attraction? How does that change attitudes to asexuality within that universe?

Is there a version where someone ace and their partner mutually and consentually try out sex-pollen so the ace person can see what sexual attraction is like? What does that say?

Are ace people immune to sex pollen for whatever reason? What in-world consequences does that have? Do you end up with ace people incentivized to take on jobs in areas where this would be a danger to other explorers? What commentary does that create within the world of these universes?

How does it change the character dynamics? If one person is so utterly against doing anything, even if it ensures both of their survival, what does that do to the other person? Because it's technically a necessity in these stories, but there are still actually two choices and for obvious reasons perhaps these stories rarely lean into the 'or die' part of the scenario. What does the other person decide in this situation?

Then there's the version where it is pure necessity. Not a big deal. No worse than any other chore. There's still consent, but honestly not all consent when you're ace is enthusiastic. In which case, the ace person who may already be geared more towards considering sex as a means to something else might actually be far less traumatized by this scenario than someone non-ace who might view sex with higher stakes/as more sacred/whatever.

Does an asexual alien view fuck or die/sex pollen scenarios with the same morality as an asexual human does? Quite possibly not! E.g. does one not consider it bad in anyway because that's just what humans do and they're not even aware of the consent/power issues going on. What does the dialogue between those two characters look like?

I don't know. I just think there's a lot people could do with the premise + asexuality! Ace people don't live in a world where sex and prevalent attitudes towards sex/sexuality have no bearing, and asexuality is in itself a broad and nuanced spectrum of attitudes.

[onyourowndaisymae]

Yoo I have two request which I’ll send the other one separately but I am in an ANGSTY mood rn sooo yah also been binging ur headcanons and stuffs and I just love the way you write ?? It’s so entertaining lol

AnywY the actual request: can you write like a one shot or headcanons if you prefer of mc who is struggling after the belphie incident ?? Like they feel like they’ve mostly forgiven him and can act normally around him and they’re friends and take naps together but sometimes the flash back just HITS THEM and they have nightmares and panic attacks that can be so bad sometimes someone needs to get Simeon to calm them down. Maybe something of how the brothers react/treat mc and belphie? Idk I’m just thirsting for like MEGA ANGST rn bc my dad made me cry little bit lmao 😭

it comes at night

hello anon! i'm terribly sorry you're in such an angsty mood, though i thank you for all the love-- and for sending this request right as these ideas were on the front of my mind. it genuinely makes me so happy to see people enjoying my work, and it makes all the writer's block and such worth it. i cannot express enough how much i love seeing all the comments, reblogs, etc. as people engage with my work.

anyways. i'm not sure how i feel about this piece, especially with how LONG it ended up being, but maybe that's just my mushy brain talking after looking at it too long. regardless-- i hope you enjoy (well, y'know, in like a sad and angsty way).

synopsis: you thought you would be able to move on like all the others. your body was healed, your anxiety tucked neatly behind a mental wall built to keep you safe. yet something in you was stuck. you couldn't just move on. you were trapped in a battle between your friendship with belphegor and the fear gnawing at your brain as you remembered what exactly he did to you. when the dam finally breaks, your whole brain floods with terror, until you're swept away with it. nobody can save you now.

genre: angst, no happy end, just a big ol spoonful of sadness

word count: ~3.1k

content warnings: chapter 16 spoilers, graphic(?) discussions of death, depictions of panic attacks, nightmares, mc progressively getting worse from fear + lack of sleep

it's funny how time works. 

you'd been around your fair share of years. you’d grown, you’d changed, you’d spent your entire life looking toward the future you had planned. then you, a mere human, were yanked into an unfamiliar world. you spent an entire year in the devildom– a year that simultaneously dragged on and flew by– and came out the other side a new person. a single year in the devildom has changed you more than the human realm has your entire life. time was a mischievous thing, always leaving you chasing behind in a fruitless pursuit of something you’ll never quite understand.

but, she also brings blessings with her. they say that time heals all wounds. you've always agreed with that sentiment. scraped knees and adolescent broken hearts are swept away with the passing days, trailing further and further behind you until one day you forget to look back and remember them. the pain scribbled down on diary pages or cried into pillow cases no longer stings like a fresh burn. these things are nothing but scars now. time has a special way of patching you up, of rubbing your back until the tears clear up and you can finally see again. that is how it's always been. 

where is time when you need it? 

she hasn't quite abandoned you, this much is true. cuts and bruises heal over the passing days. your hair and nails still grow. your body still changes, slowly but surely, marching onwards week after week. yet your mind is trapped in stasis. you struggle to break free, but at times the rot consumes you whole, until you’re crying under the covers and begging from respite from the memories. 

on the worst nights, you find yourself in the attic again, watching the door between you and belphegor swing open. you watch yourself march towards death.

you can still feel his hands around your neck, digging his claws into your fragile human skin like you're made of sand. the scent of blood-- your own blood, on the floors, on the walls, leaking from your torso and staining your clothes a permanent maroon-- still clings to the inside of your nose. even your wildest dreams could not erase the sight of his smug grin, the way his eyes lit up looking at your battered body.

no one person should have to carry the weight of realizing they're going to die. that's what you thought about when your body hit the bottom of the stairs, when belphegor tossed you down from the attic with a harsh laugh and punted your limp body into the entrance hall. you thought about how unfair this all was. you were just trying to help. you thought you were doing the right thing.

one of the worst parts of your untimely demise was watching the others react. the voices pool together in your head, like the colors of the rainbow twisting together on the surface of an oil spill. asmo's panicked shriek blends into satan's angry shouts, desperate to understand what's going on. lucifer's yelling almost drowns out the fearful cries coming from levi, held back by a very silent beel. 

but above all of that, you remember mammon. your first man, the first demon who took a chance on the defenseless little human, rushing to your side and gathering you in his arms like you were about to break. his hand on the side of your face, the tears streaming down his face, the shaky, desperate voice assuring you that you'll be okay and begging you to hang on, okay? please don't leave me. you can't remember if he was shaking or if it was your body's last ditch effort to stay conscious-- maybe both. your trembling fingers intertwined with his. words came out of your mouth, and you're not sure what exactly you said, but he only cried harder in response. 

and then, as your eyes shut for the final time, you woke at the bottom of the attic stairs. you had cheated death. 

your price? you had to carry the memories. 

the world kept spinning. days passed in the devildom. you returned to school, kept on top of your homework, spent your days in the house of lamentation alongside the seven demon brothers. you even got to know belphegor as he navigated his return home. he quickly grew fond of you. that, in and of itself, was jarring. but you returned each and every smile with one of your own. his actions were rooted in his own grief for his sister, you knew, and for that you could not fault him. you helped him repair the severed relationships between him and his elder siblings, stitching the family back together like a prized quilt until the seams of betrayal were sufficiently hidden. 

time is a traitorous bitch. why did she choose now to leave your wounds bare and bleeding?

everyone moved on but you. everyone got to wake up in the mornings without a nagging anxiety holding them back. the others could hang out with belphegor day in and day out without a growing feeling of dread popping up when you think you're safe. 

he killed you. he was grieving. your blood drenched the entryway floors as he laughed. he has grown. you watched the light leave mammon's eyes as you slipped away. belphie has been nothing but kind to you since that day. you fucking died. 

you wish your mind could pick a side. did you forgive him, or did you resent him? was he your friend, or your killer? these answers evaded you in the dead of night as you struggled to sleep again. it was becoming more common for you to lose hours of rest to these nagging fears. who are you? are you even you anymore? did the switch in timelines scatter your atoms across countless universes, leaving the you that looks back at you in the mirror nothing more than a hollow shell? 

you thought that you could keep your mind on a tight leash, keep your cards close to your chest as you continued to live with the brothers. you were wrong.

the first meltdown came during a nap with belphie. you had grown to trust him-- you thought you trusted him-- enough to sleep around him. he'd coax you every so often into an afternoon nap. always in the light of day, always your choice. and for many afternoons, you were perfectly content with this arrangement. belphie was warm and cuddly, a perfect companion for a lazy afternoon. he had this way of making you feel safe as you slept-- the nightmares couldn't come when he was snuggled up next to you, when you were sure his actions were ones of affection and not another trick to gain your trust.

one afternoon, while the sun was beginning to set, you stirred under the warmth of the blankets. the body next to yours lingered close, steady breaths lulling you back to dreamland. you could stay like this forever, you thought.

and then you felt it. the gentle graze of a familiar cow tail against your skin.

something inside of you, a dam you didn't even know was there, snapped. a hot flash of panic rose up your throat as your whole body jerked away from the feeling. your eyes shot open and you found yourself in the last place you needed to be right now: the attic. you pulled yourself out of bed before your brain could catch up. colors flashed across your vision as a consequence. you whipped around, disoriented and upset, and spotted a sleeping belphie in the bed where you once were.

a sleeping, demon belphie.

the familiar curve of his horns made your throat spasm as you tried to breathe. the colors flashed in your vision again-- oh god, what a terrible time to be left defenseless-- as your brain tried to drag you back to that day. you could practically see his face shift from relief to malicious, insidious joy as he began to attack you.

"hehe... does it hurt? finding it hard to breathe? i'm sure it must be very unpleasant."

please. please no.

" i have to say, seeing a human face twisted in pain like this... why, it's so much fun that i can barely stand it! i... i can't contain the laughter!"

you weren't quite sure when you hit the ground, but it was loud enough to wake belphegor from his slumber. he peeled his body off the mattress, slow and dazed, as he looked for you.

"mc? what're you... what's going on?"

please don't. this can't be happening.

your lungs collapsed from the weight of your own panic. you gasped-- once, twice, as your vision went in and out. were you bleeding? your hand loosely brushed at the front of your clothes, but couldn't process whether that was blood or your vivid imagination. were you even breathing? your head felt light and heavy at the same time. the wires in your brain were all crossed, sending both resuscitation and shutdown signals to each part of your body. this feeling... this was too familiar.

were you dying?

"mc, what's going on?"

you came face to face with belphegor. your friend, your killer. the demon who had lured you up to this very attic to kill you, now gripping your shoulders as interrogated you inches from your face.

you screamed. you screamed until your brain shut off completely, leaving you in an inky pit of darkness as your consciousness slipped away.

the house was in disarray for several days. apparently, lucifer came in shortly after you passed out, mammon at his heels, to save the day. you woke up later in his bed, the room cold and empty, with a throbbing head and a tear stained pillow. you stumbled out into his office to find him at his desk, lost in some paperwork like always. the solemn look he gave you as your eyes met told you everything you needed to know.

from this day forth, your fear was now your constant companion.

nobody in the house of lamentation knew how to move forward. not you, not the brothers, not the widening gap growing between you all with each passing day spent in emotional limbo. finally, lucifer called everyone to a family meeting where, over the course of an hour or two, everyone came to an agreement to acknowledge what had happened and why, promised to be mindful of this trauma that you're carrying, and move forward like you requested.

silent days slowly but surely filled back up with laughter again. the brothers came back to your side at their own pace-- asmo first, within a matter of hours, then mammon shortly after, then the others in the following days.

belphegor was the last to come around. his silence spoke volumes about his guilt. he had no clue how to comfort you. he'd do anything to repent for his actions. yet that was the way that life worked, didn't it? some actions simply cannot be undone.

but you didn't let that stop you. despite the panic that closed your throat every time you saw him for the next month, you slowly earned his friendship again. you assured him that the attic incident was a one time thing, the remnants of a lost nightmare blending into your consciousness as you awoke.

until it wasn't a one time thing.

the nightmares crept up on you. the first one happened, of course, that same night, as you thrashed and wept into lucifer's pillows. then a week later, another. a week and a half after that, another. the frequency eventually became higher and higher, until you started planning your sleep schedule (or lack thereof) around your new insomniac tendencies. but even you couldn't manage to stay awake forever.

on a bad night, you'd wake up in tears, crying weakly to yourself as you tried to coax yourself back to bed. on worse nights, you'd shoot up out of bed, limbs tingling in fear, opting to spend the rest of the night in the common room until the others woke for the day. on the worst night, you finally broke. you shattered worse than you could have imagined.

you finally collapsed into bed, body shutting down after a three days of minimal sleep. you were starting to get shaky from the lack of rest, and your lack of appetite was upsetting the others. you crawled under the covers and let your brain slip out of your hands and off to dreamland.

what a fool you were to think you'd get by without nightmares.

visions of demonic teeth tearing at your flesh filled your head. you tried to run away, tried desperately to wake yourself up, but their claws sunk into your flesh. the pain was vivid, was real. memories of your death lived underneath your skin, ready to resurface in the dark of night when there was no escape. you fought back as best you could, kicking and screaming and trying to run, but you were no match for the supernatural strength of your demons. you eventually gave in, an act of learned helplessness, and surrendered yourself to your worst nightmares.

you woke up choking on your own tears. heaving, gasping breaths tried to save you, mixing with coughs as your body struggled to hang on. the tears finally gave way to the memories-- hot blood dripping from your torso, screaming faces begging you to stay, your head going fuzzy as your vision followed--and your screams escaped without a fight.

a mixed cacophony of voices came flooding in the room. you'd be touched by the gesture, seeking comfort in the arms of your dearest friends, if your brain hadn't reminded you that they were demons as well. nightmarish beasts with fangs and claws, predators built to rip your soft flesh from your bones and leave you to die like roadkill.

you felt a hand on your shoulder. who's was it? you could not tell. your first and only instinct was to scream for mercy, hot tears streaming down your face as mammon's hurt expression moved back out of your line of sight. your chest heaved with effort. it felt like your whole body was caving in on itself. you didn't even realize you were shaking as you curled your body into a ball. your side hit the mattress with a pathetic thud and you wept, bitter and fearful, as a panic attack kept you trapped in its grip.

you don't know how long you stayed curled up like that, wordless cries echoing from your room and into the hallway, but eventually the sound of approaching footsteps caught enough of your attention to forget the panic, even if just for a moment.

"hey, it's okay," a familiar, comforting voice approached, cutting through the fear like a moonlight on a stormy night. "mc, it's me, it's simeon. it's going to be okay."

you felt the bed shift under the weight of someone sitting down, and you blindly threw your body at the person before checking to see if it was really him. it took you a few moments to raise your head, and when you did, you saw him: simeon, your angel, blue eyes full of worry as he met your gaze.

you cried in his arms until you fell into a fitful, dreamless sleep.

the next morning was miserable, to say the least. breakfast was tense. they all watched you like a hawk, like you were a powder keg about to explode with one wrong move. you couldn't blame them. you were afraid of your own emotions, and on some level, you were afraid of them. your trauma was making you afraid of the very people you cared about the most. these brothers had welcomed you into their home, took care of you as you adjusted to life in the devildom, and yet you couldn't hold eye contact without breaking in to a cold sweat.

the only person who did not watch you was belphegor. he was nowhere to be found during breakfast, nor dinner, nor breakfast the following day. you tried to seek him out, but somehow the avatar of sloth had become a skilled sneak in his silence.

you finally caught him alone on day four of radio silence. you both had stayed home without realizing the other had also skipped school that day-- you, from the lack of sleep eating at your brain, and belphegor, with his usual routine of missing class to nap at the house of lamentation. he was curled up on the couch in the common room, basking in the warmth of the fireplace in his slumber. you decided to wait for him to wake up. you sat down on the couch opposite of the one where he rested and watched him, quietly, like he'd disappear if you dared to blink.

creepy? yes. but your brain was long ruined by sleep deprivation and gnawing anxiety to worry about such trivial things.

when he finally stirred, you gently called belphegor's name. he took a moment to finally look at the source of the voice, but when he did, his body froze as the two of you made eye contact. a few moments passed in silence. finally, he sat up and began to make a move to leave.

"wait."

he stopped, but his gaze did not meet yours. you rose from your seat and joined him on the couch. the youngest pulled his legs in, twisting his body into a defensive little ball, and countered your next sentence before you could even open your mouth.

"you shouldn't be here with me."

"i think i'm old enough to make decisions for myself."

he shifted uncomfortably in the silence. you spoke again.

"i miss you. and i'm sorry."

he scoffed to himself and stared at the fireplace. "don't know why you think you should be apologizing to me. i'm the one that's the problem."

"you're not a problem, belphie. i never meant to make you feel like one."

every hair on your body stood on end. your hands trembled against your wishes, so you sat on them to stay focused. you had to do this. you had to keep moving forward.

"i hurt you, mc. you're afraid i'm going to do it again."

you sighed-- it came out more shaky than you would have liked-- and looked down. how had it come to this? how had someone you'd grown to hold so dear become a stranger again?

"i don't want to stop being friends. i don't like when you avoid me."

"you still get nightmares, don't you?"

you pause. his icy gaze on the side of your head sent you into a cold sweat.

you smiled-- it felt more like a grimace, personally-- and prayed it didn't come across insincere. your fingers carefully intertwined with his. he met your gaze. you were thankful he couldn't see the way your chest tightened when you made eye contact. 

"i'm okay, belphie," you lied. 

this fear was going to be the death of you. 

[hcuyk]

3.30am, eric or any other tbz members. i’d appreciate it if u could write a piece based on joji glimpse of us :) i luv ur writing btw!

[3:30AM]

Eric had done everything in his power to get over you.

Out of the many relationships he had been in, nothing compared to what he had with you. The hopeless romantic side of himself had always dreamed of having an unconditional love in his life, but until he met you, he would often shrug it off with partying until the sun rose and running off at night to do stupid things on the railroad tracks with his friends.

It was the way he lived and the life he attempted to return to when you broke up with him.

Ever since then, with his weak attempts to hook up with strangers and drink until all his thoughts were rid of you, his close friends would barge into his room each morning at 4, drilling him to wake up and jog around campus shirtless. The exercise was nothing to him, not when he had always actively visited the gym, but each morning he dreaded it.

Because with every passing day at 3 A.M., he would wake up, unable to fall back asleep, and get lost in his thoughts as he eyed the popcorn ceiling above him. His nightlight would tint the ceiling and the walls around him your favorite color, and he would wonder about your whereabouts and if you were doing better without him. Everywhere Eric looked—it was always you.

He couldn’t fathom dreaming of being with another person because, regardless of how attractive or charismatic they were, he would always get caught up staring into their eyes and catching a glimpse of hope, something your eyes once held.

Throughout your last few months of dating, he watched that light dissipate into utter darkness, one that he couldn’t go through and pull you out of—to make you believe that he was the one for you, the one who would watch you grow into your greatest self and he’d love you more with every day that passed.

But instead of being able to enjoy each day with you, he was left to witness how your actions have morphed into ones of a stranger. He watched you give up on their relationship, and nothing hurt him more than knowing he lost someone he loved for so long.

He wished that if you were capable of holding onto that hope, that spark and newfound love and drive to fight for your relationship, then maybe you two would’ve lasted. Maybe he would’ve been able to see you thrive in your dream career field while he pursued his, and you two would be each other’s number one supporters. The ‘what ifs’ plagued him day by day, always wondering that maybe if he had done something different, you two would still be together. He wished that regardless of what lifetime you two shared together, he wanted this one to be with you.

He wanted to do everything with you.

Eric jolted to the sound of his roommate moving in his bed across the room. He didn’t think much of it aside from Juyeon having a bad dream, but that was until his roommate had actually gotten up onto his two feet to change. Eric scrambled to find his phone on the bed and checked his phone for the time, confirming that there still was another thirty minutes until their daily jog. Before he could process what Juyeon was doing, his roommate had spoken up before him.

“You’re awake early.”

Eric squinted at him, puzzled at Juyeon’s sudden need for a conversation this early in the morning.

“I always am.” Eric turned in his bed to lie on his side. He watched as his friend removed his shirt and replaced it with a tank top. “Why are you up?”

“C’mon, dude. I can hear your thoughts from here.”

The two stared at each other in silence, and Juyeon stood with his feet stapled to the ground, refusing to move. His arms were crossed, and he was ready to get Eric out of bed. When Eric didn’t move, Juyeon cocked a brow at him.

“Am I wrong?”

The slight tension they had between them had disappeared when Eric mumbled ‘no’. Juyeon pursued his lips and held back a sigh, replacing it with a slight shake of his head in disapproval. Eric caught this and parted his lips to explain, to explain how much it hurt, but Juyeon interrupted him with a look of understanding because he knew.

Eric would always talk about you endlessly, and to have that ripped away from him was a pain Juyeon has yet to experience. He always believed you and Eric were endgame too.

“I miss them,” Eric whispered, his voice strangled as he desperately looked at his friend for any sort of mental assistance. He was prepared to be called stupid, to say that he shouldn’t be thinking about you after a month of adjusting without you and to move on, but Juyeon did none of that. Instead, he stared elsewhere, his heart empathizing with how much his friend was still in love.

“I know.” Juyeon kept his tone gentle, and with a forced tug of his lips, he wore a warm smile and approached Eric to pat him, comforting him as best as he could.

“I really do miss them.”

Juyeon watched as Eric curled up under the comforter, hugging his legs close to his chest, as he grew smaller in his bed. He took notice of how Eric buried his lower half of his face under, physically shielding how vulnerable he was, but Juyeon knew Eric better than most. He patted him again, gently.

“C’mon, buddy. Let’s jog.”

permanent taglist . . . @the-cereal-simp @armysantiny @stealanity @zzoguri @nyujjan @tinisprout

author's note // picking up requests from like two years ago because it's about damn time 🧍‍♂️ thank you for sending this in! it's not really true to the song, but i tried to implement it as much as i could!! thank you so much for supporting me :] ^^ also the last time i posted smth for eric he was on a hiatus??? ??? ??? ?? HAS IT BEEN THAT LONG????

[joodles98]

what are ur headcanons for nessa ....

omg ☺️

i dont think she intended to become a model. she started getting gigs and brand collabs offered to her immediately after her gym challenge run bc of her looks and style and making it all the way to the semifinals. (i believe she became a gym leader around the same time rai did, like late teens close to early 20s) she decided to pursue it to keep her name out there, and as an opportunity to talk about her connection with water pokemon and passion about battling

she met wallace once through one of her modeling gigs and shes a bit intrigued about trying a contest, sometime. mayhaps as an encore career after retiring from the galar league

she did gymnastics and dance as a kid

her partner was a little chewtle she befriended collecting sea shells when she was small. i love how most of her pokemon look tough n armored

feels pretty obvious she grew up in hulbury. tight knit working class fam of Fisher Trainer Class pokepeople. her aunt and uncle run a seafood restaurant. her grandpa was a lightkeeper of the lighthouse and would let her come up to the top sometimes when she was little n its been her favorite place ever since. (such a missed opportunity the game doesnt let u go inside) she adores her fam and they support her interests in fashion and also her big battling ambitions. when the gym leadership became vacant of course she auditioned. i think her town is so proud of her/a reflection of who she really is (hardworking, somewhat stoic, truly breathtaking, unpredictable like the force n restraint of the ocean tides)

she met sonia early in the challenge (i hc that sonia decided not to travel with leon. but we are talking about ness 2day). they both were two lonely girls sitting on opposite ends in the back of the train trying to look stoic and tough and occupied and also gasp thats another challenger that makes us competition. until yamper couldnt contain his curiosity about the chewtle across from him n jumped from sonia's arms. ness assumed who is this girl trying to battle right now 🤨 and sonia apologizes that shes not its just that yamper seems curious about u. actually i do too. ...N then the rest of the ride turns into the biggest yap session + theyve been inseparable since.

i think she teaches sonia a lot about pride + finding your way. while sonia teacher her remembering who you are (like we see in twilight wings). i think sonia is so embarassed at first to be recognized as a Magnolia but then when they get to hulbury n she sees how unique nessa is in her hometown but shes loved regardless it makes her brain chemistry explode.

shes really close with raihan, tho they didnt start becoming friends until after they became gym leaders. turns out they have more in common than they thought when they met as little challengers. (she thought rai was a massive dork with his dragons and history books. still does a lil bit 💝). they indulge eachothers habit of talking league gossip. also rai seeks her advice on his own drama(leon pining) and she eats it up. when shes doubting an outfit for an interview he hypes her up. (since theres a lot of Nepotism within galar gyms, the fact that rai and ness earned gym leaderships on their own is smth they relate over too) its nice to have a friendly face in the league when the pressure is up.

i think abt her twilight wings episode a lot. i like to think she won the match in the end, then called sonia (who ofc was watching it televised back in wedgehurst) just to say how much her words empowered her. n maybe tell her other things 💙

literally its such a lovely episode. lowkey sobbed a bit the first time i saw it. the little pieces of ourselves we carry

also. with the way rose interrogated not only her confidence but her competence, how could she not trust the smile leon wears in his matches after that? if thats how the chairman could talk to a gym leader then what the hell does the champ put up with. deeply unsettling. i think she is skeptical but not in the Detective Way rai is in everything happening pre-darkest day. she is the type to be focused on whats in front of her right now: be a great gym leader, a tough opponent, a role model, yk

despite that, tho, i think what fuels her wanting to beat leon is some resentment, knowing the void he left in sonia and how he either seems oblivious about it or minimizing of it. (also at first she thought sonia was hurt by it bc she had a crush on him. which later ness finds out isn't true). shes also a bit of the jealous type but thats ok so am i

i think she begins to finally consider leon a friend again when he's chairman and has worked out everything that happened between him and sonia. it's also a lot easier to approach him with league matters than it ever was with rose

she still considers milo her biggest rival, though hes a sweet friend. hes a sweetie to everyone. i think it was his idea to gather ness and kabu to send off trainers who defeat them

thats all i can think of rn 💐

[sungbeam]

spread some love !

talk about your favourite mutuals and why you like them

hi anon! thanks for sending this in :') im always so bad at posting these things, but i can def do this one. i don't know if i would classify them specifically as favorites, but more so people i've interacted with the most 😭

@justalildumpling : i don't even need to go on besides saying that this woman is my soulmate. "in another life" but we're gonna beat the universe and meet in every life, type of connection. the girl who has seen me at my worst and has still treated me with as much kindness and compassion and care as she did the first time. i feel like in certain ways, we're kind of polar opposites, but also the same? i mean, on paper we can be so different, but when we talk abt what we like and dislike, when we laugh together, it all becomes something of the same and she restores my faith in other people again. she's the person who constantly makes me want to be a better person.

@ethereal-engene : one of my two beloved 姐姐's on this site skfnrknf but i remember talking to ash so many nights abt just any and everything. i am so happy that we're comfortable enough to be able to joke around, share our niche interests, have deep conversations, and even pen pal!! like i think it's crazy how SIMILAR our families are; we could legitimately be long lost sisters haha but also the blood of the covenant runs thicker than the water of the womb sometimes, so that makes sense. she's one of my comfort people, and honestly, i feel like we both come out of nowhere with some topics, but either person will hop right into the convo regardless and just vibe 🤧

@winterchimez : my second 姐姐 on this site !! my older sisters def take care of me well and i am so grateful for that :')) ally is always so supportive and yet so energergizing to talk to. she's def seen a lot of my brainstorming and i feel very comfortable bouncing ideas off her. she's always so generous with me too, like care packages??? RAH 😭 obviously, i love her for reasons besides the material goods, but it's a love language nonetheless. ally is prob one of the warmest and most welcoming presences on this hellsite tbh, so if ur ever looking for a new friend/mutual, she's the best.

@loveliestfelix : nana is another reason why im still around. i like to thank that beomgyu drabble every day for kickstarting our friendship because i have never met someone i have had such lengthy and fun brainstorming sessions with. nana is the type of person i would love to meet irl and just share stories over coffee with, though i feel like i always associate her with train rides and coffee now HAHA she's also one of my greatest writing inspirations, like i was and have always been blown away by her mind, and her word counts. i love calling her the queen of angst, and you will never be disappointed when reading something of hers.

@jaehunnyy : chip's been here for a really long time, like guys, no one can compete when she's been here since i had park jisung as my pfp and she had jeno as hers 😭 i think i really treasure our friendship and how much it's grown over the past two years :')) so much has happened over that time, and i think that if i met her in real life, i would just be blown away by how pretty she is like TT anyways,, i always love talking to her because of how much chaotic energy we create when we do, like i feel like we can power an entire city grid with how much chaos we make, and it's all the better for it. i love her very much, and i hope she understands just how wonderful of a person and friend she is.

@mosviqu : oh, my beloved bar, i love u to bits and pieces. i think recently you've become one of the few reasons why im still here writing and posting. like i am so utterly, from the bottom of my heart, grateful for all of your support and the love you've given and shown me. and even when we moved to dms to converse, i just realized how cool you are as a person, and how similar we are (in the best way possible). it's really nice to be able to connect with a person on multiple levels, and im really happy that was the case with us :') as soon as i saw ur love for tomorrow by chanyeol, i knew there would be something more to our friendship. i am so very fond of you, and your writing blows me away every time i read it.

@zzoguri : moni :( i hope ur doing well, friend, and i know you haven't been active here lately but i do wish you all the best. i love how passionate and committed you are to improving in writing and developing your own creative writing style, and it's so impressive to read your writing in general :') i love the confidence you advocate for yourself, and how real you are. thanks so much for being a friend; i just really appreciate all the support and hype you've given me during my time on deobiblr, like thank you for being such a thoughtful person.

@wuahae : cat and i have definitely interacted more off this site than on this site, but i felt that it was dire she was included here nonetheless. like bro, thank you for literally being the reason i come out of my apartment (or in most cases, invite people to my apartment), and for thinking of me! i think i once told you how hard it is to find friends in college, but you've made my experience here far less lonely. i love getting dinner with you, planning outings, and making weird animal noises together on the streets 😭 also, cat's writing is literally so poetic, and just her explaining to me her plot ideas tears visceral reactions out of me TT

@yunhoszn : i feel like me and fawn are low-key on the same wavelength a lot of the times, but in general, i think fawn's just such a rad person. i've told her once or twice before but i genuinely love her writing style because it has so much personality in it. it just makes reading her fics such a fun and enjoyable experience. also even off this site, i have so much fun interacting with her, like just commenting on her instagram posts like the gremlin i am, i know she's gonna hit me with the best response back skfnkejd (waiting for the day i go to where u r so u can do my makeup low-key... ur so fly, pls do my makeup...)

@goldenhypen : em, my lovely twin :')) i know our interactions have def decreased, but i don't think that's decreased the fondness we hold for one another. i remember when em first started interacting with my works and then followed me, i literally rolled off the couch cuz i started fangirling 😭 and she is one of the most genuine and brightest presences here. she is a follow forever, bro, you better follow her forever. i just adore her compassion for others and her absolutely adorable fic concepts, and omg don't even get me started on her work ethic 😭 i wished u the best everyday you had requests, i don't know how u did it. you are literally superhuman.

@hqrana : i haven't spoken with noa in quite awhile, but im guessing it's cuz she's girlbossing her way through to that nursing program 🤧 my favorite woman in stem girl in this hellsite, she is my beloved xnonie 😭 i think i just appreciate noa's undeniable presence and character so much, like she brings so much energy to my inbox whenever she's here, and her support of my ideas and fics just makes me 🙇🏻‍♀️ like thank you for being here. and to know we both love marvel and taylor swift? i feel like she has to be like,, my best friend? like she needs to be my best friend?? sending hugs and well wishes your way, always.

[rosekasa]

Hello! I am a beginner artist and I love ur art!! Super pretty and the colors are very tasty. Do you have some tips? I'd love to see your art process!

HELLO ANON!! first of all i am very honoured that u would ask me this because 90% of the time i feel like i have no idea what i am doing and like im still a beginner artist myself DSDSJDF. i would love to share some stuff i learnt and some stuff about my process (regardless of how messy it is sdfhsj)

(final piece)

here's an old example of my process i found! while the steps sometimes look different for other pieces, i feel like this is a good demonstration of how the basic structure looks.

1. the sketch - this is where i'm mainly figuring out how i want the piece to look. i was redrawing a screenshot for this piece so it looks a LOT neater than what a lot of my other sketches look like, for example, here's the process of me figuring out my recent drawing of haise:

(final piece)

in the first two steps, i was mainly working with showing myself what the piece was going to be. the last one was where i used references/technical knowledge to try and show whoever will be looking at it what the piece was

2. cleaning up the sketch + base colours. these two usually occur simultaneously because i will get bored cleaning up the sketch midway through and want to start adding colour LMAO. on a more practical note, sometimes putting down the base colours and having a better idea of what the finished product will look like might make it easier to refine things.

a note: cleaning up for me doesn't mean doing lineart. it mostly means erasing any overly messy lines on the sketch and redrawing small parts to make it look tidier where needed. i often leave it 'messy' at this stage, too. like here:

(final piece)

3. light/shadow. this is my FAVOURITE part because it's where the piece starts pulling together. the method i used in the current piece was putting a multiply layer over the colours folder and filling in where light would be obstructed. after that, i used a luminosity layer to put in some bright sunlight. marc brunet has a great way of explaining it by advising to pretend that the light is the camera and you're behind the lens. this is such a good way to block in average light/shadow values! sometimes this looks a bit crazy because everything is still so messy but that is why we have...

4. rendering. this is where i fit all the remaining pieces of the puzzle together. i'll refine the colours a bit more -- e.g. colouring in the eyes, -- and fiddle a bit with the shadows to add some more variation to the hues/value. this is where i think a lot about light and shadow theory and try and make it look more realistic. marco bucci saved my LIFE with his videos about ambient occlusion and ambient light (part 1 / part 2) -- essentially, what i keep in mind the most is that if a plane in shadow is facing the sky (or is open to any other form of light that isn't the direct light source) it will contain ambient light. it is SUCH a game changer when you add it to your pieces, trust me, even if youre lazy about it. if needed i'll pull up some references to make everything look good!

5. rendering... part 2? honestly this step kind of blends with the last one as i tend to do it simultaneously. i basically clean up all the messy lines from before by painting over them! with the majority of the colours i need put down, i can just eyedrop them and paint over anything that's needed. this also comes in with the light/shadow, where, if i need a more subtle hue for either/or, i will eyedrop it and brush it in.

some further notes:

i very rarely use references during the first stages of my sketch. i think it tends to look quite stiff and unnatural if i rely too hard on the. and i personally prefer the creative room when the idea is still being conceived. references come in when i can look at what i have down on the canvas and have a fairly decent idea of what i want, including pose, composition, etc. it's essentially a first draft to guide me to where i want to go with the piece. it's when i'm done with this that i bring out references, and even then, they don't necessarily have to be the exact pose -- i'll usually get a couple of pics which show what i need to double check and keep them up as a guide. by the end of the 'sketch', i usually have a basic construction of what i need to continue, even if it's messy.

i use very soft brushes when putting down colour because it allows for more hue variation. like i said, i enjoy eyedropping and brushing in colours afterwards, so this really helps!

layer modes are ur friend! i try not to rely on them too hard during rendering because i like the freedom of painting over but they're very useful when you're blocking in your initial colours

sometimes, when i feel like i want to try something new with my art, i'll keep pieces that inspire me up in front of me. i have two of sui ishida's art books and sometimes i'll just flick to a page that oils the Art Gears in my brain and keep it open while i draw. i don't necessarily reference it, but i like having it there so i can glance over every once in a while. i don't usually make a conscious choice where i'm like "ok i want to render skin the way he does" but it's more like. my brain knows what it likes in his art and it'll try and push that part of my art in a similar direction.

honestly the best advice i have is that art is very much based on vibes. everytime i've tried to think too much about it, to do things 'correctly', to rigidly stick to art theory, my art has not come out nicely. i think the technical parts of art are important to know and understand but i also think it's important to let your knowledge come through naturally when it is needed instead of pressuring yourself to do things 'right'. tbh you probably already know that but it's something i forget a lot so maybe it serves as a helpful reminder?? sedsfhsl

ANYWAY SORRY THIS WAS SO LONG! i hope i covered what you needed and if you need anything else/want me to expand on anything feel free to drop me another ask ! <3

make sure to look after yourself and trust yourself and ENJOY!!! art is about having fun!

[sugarskies]

absolutely begging for a funny theta/koschei crackfic or one shot. love ur deca series btw!! 🖤

hi anon sorry it took me a week to get back to u! beg and u shall receive. i was going to give context here but i can't. there is none. i don't know what this is. i had fun writing it ? and thank you!! 💖💖

without further ado... whatever this is!

✩₊˚.⋆☾⋆⁺₊✧

“I need to tell you something.”

There was an intensity to Theta’s voice that Koschei barely recognized. He wasn’t about to reveal that he’d painted a new masterpiece or blown up another classroom, it was serious. Thankfully, he didn’t have to wait for the news to come.

“I cheated on you,” said Theta, his tone blunt but filled with guilt. Koschei’s jaw dropped, all coherent thoughts fading in favor of deep disappointment and unbridled rage. “I’m so sorry, Kos. If you never forgive me, I’ll und—”

Koschei didn’t wait to hear Theta’s excuses. He turned around and stormed out the door, his destination already in mind. There was no way that Theta would willingly cheat on him. They were so in love, how could he? He had to have been tricked, enchanted even, and there was only one person who could be responsible.

The moment he reached the door, he pounded on it. There was no response from inside but he refused to give up. He pounded until his hands hurt, until the hinges became so weak they broke right off the wall. The door collapsed and he collapsed on top of it, panting his exhaustion as he looked around the room in bewilderment.

“What the hell did you do to my door?”

The realization that Vansell was behind him hit hard. Koschei really spent hours busting down the door for nothing. He took a second to stare at the ground in shock before he rose to his feet. He put one foot behind him, bent his knees, and braced his hands in position, ready to fight. The confusion on Vansell’s face only increased.

“Oh, don’t look so surprised,” Koschei sneered. “You might be a piece of shit but Theta has a conscience. He told me. I know what you guys did.”

Vansell didn’t have time to so much as open his mouth before Koschei’s fist flew into his jaw. He stumbled backward into the hallway, into Theta. Theta blinked twice, briefly catching Vansell before letting go and allowing him to fall to the floor. Rather than going around or staying put since he was literally right outside the door, Theta stepped on Vansell’s stomach, ignoring the crack of his ribs and his pained groans as he approached Koschei.

“Hey.” Theta kicked Vansell’s legs out of the way when he stumbled. What an inconsiderate place to collapse. “I didn’t cheat on you with Nosebung. Do you really think I’d fuck a guy named Nosebung?”

“Haven’t you fucked him before?”

“Hate-fucking doesn’t count. We’ve been over this.”

If only because he was desperate for answers, Koschei let out a defeated sigh. “Then who?”

“It’s… come on.”

Theta took Koschei’s hand and led him out of the room. Together, they stepped on Vansell, chuckling at the quiet crack from inside his chest. Neither looked back as they walked down the hall, Vansell’s pained groans echoing behind them. Koschei didn’t have the faintest idea where Theta was taking him or who he was going to meet but it didn’t matter. The element of surprise might even work in his favor.

Because it didn’t matter who Theta cheated on him with. Not really. He was going to kill them regardless.

The further they walked, the more confused Koschei became. He’d assumed that Theta would take him to another dorm but they left that building entirely. Theta led him to the science center, past every classroom he was familiar with, to a strange door. Theta took a deep breath before he unlocked it. He reached for the doorknob with one hand, still squeezing Koschei’s hand with the other.

“You’re never going to look at me the same way after this,” said Theta, his voice barely above a whisper. Koschei gripped Theta’s hand tighter, giving him a reassuring look. It was okay. While Theta had a doorknob in his spare hand, Koschei had a knife. He was ready for anyone. At least, that was what he thought until Theta opened the door.

Of all the people he was prepared to stab—which was just about anyone in the universe—somehow, Theta managed to find the one that caught him off guard. Because, of course, the only person he could never have prepared to stab was himself. Koschei.

Koschei was standing in front of… himself?

“Hi Koschei,” said Koschei with a wave.

“Who the hell are you?” Koschei gaped. “What the hell are you?”

“Koschei.”

“No, no, I’m Koschei. You’re like… Fauxschi.”

“Okay.” His cheery shrug was the most frightening thing about him.

“Theta, what the hell is this?!”

“It’s kind of a long story. I don’t know if I really feel like— okay! Okay.” The look on Koschei’s face must’ve been murderous for the way Theta threw his hands in the air. “So, I was trying to clone a squirrel because I thought it would be really funny if there were like a thousand squirrels in here—”

“That’s the stupidest thing I’ve ever heard,” said Koschei.

“Me too,” said Fauxchei.

“—but one of your hairs must’ve fallen off my shirt or something because I left for one night and I came back ready to clone the squirrels and there you were. He was. And I know he’s not you but he looks like you and yeah, something in his brain is definitely wonky but he’s still really hot and I was powerless.”

“So you’re telling me…” Koschei cut himself off and blinked several times. He rubbed his eyes twice to be sure what he was seeing was real. There was no way. It was like something out of a stupid B-movie. “You’re telling me that you cheated on me with me?”

“But it wasn’t you.”

“Yeah, I know that. I meant— shit. I am pretty hot, aren’t I?”

Theta nodded enthusiastically but Fauxchei spoke first. “I am, thank you.”

“I wasn’t talking to you.”

“You were looking at me.”

“Because you look like me. Like a poor imitation of me but still like me. I was using you as a mirror to admire my own beauty.”

“That doesn’t make any sense.”

“Can I kill him?” Koschei turned to Theta abruptly, his expression dark and his tone serious. He pulled the knife from his sleeve and held it up for Theta to see. “I know exactly where to stab him. It’ll only take me one—”

He didn’t get the chance to finish his thought, cut off by Theta’s lips smashing into his. Theta’s hands grabbed each side of Koschei’s face, pulling his skin, his ears, holding him tightly as their bodies pressed together. Koschei kissed him back, one hand squeezing Theta’s waist and the other still gripping his knife.

“You’re so hot when you’re about to commit murder,” Theta breathed, his lips still almost touching Koschei’s.

“I’m even hotter when I’m doing it,” whispered Koschei as he grazed the back of his knife along Theta’s arm.

“Then do it.”

If there was any hesitation in the back of Koschei’s mind, it disappeared the moment Theta’s eyes met his, the moment Theta’s hand curled around his own and his knife. It didn’t matter who he had to kill, even if it was a clone of himself. Theta was his.

Or maybe he was Theta’s but he didn’t mind it that way.

[xerith-42]

yo yo could i perhaps have a crumb of your rewritten storyline for s2 ep 95? luv ur stuff

I always love people describing art in a fandom as crumbs. Makes me think I'm sitting on a park bench throwing out crumbs and bird feed to the local crows but instead of food I'm just tossing out pieces of paper with my inane ramblings about block people on them.

This is a segment of my rewrite of Season 2 Episode 95, titled Fool of a Muse. Said rewrite is the one with my oc Haven in it, so she's there because she's one of Laurance's emotional pillars, and I change Aph's name to Irena because I like fucking with her. I actually re-rewrote this scene a few weeks back to include some of the original dialogue to prove that aspects of the scene could work given the right context.

Fool of a Muse

Laurance tried to keep his head straight, but it simply wasn’t possible. Not there. Not while hearing her speak of secrets of the deceased. The voices of the calling were always louder when reminded of death, and staying in a tomb was practically asking them to start acting up. He left in order to get some space to clear his head, walking towards the beaches, hoping the ocean waves would drown out the sound.

Instead he found the opposite of what he wanted. Standing on the sands was Irena, a hand over her stomach, who turned at the sound of Laurance approaching. Clutched in her other hand was Aaron’s bandanna. The voices only got louder at the reminder and the sight of their target.

“Laurance? Is everything alright?” She asked softly. Laurance stepped back, which only worsened her concern.

“I-I’m fine,” He lied. Irena simply laughed, turning around to admire the sunset again.

“You don’t have to lie to me Laurance, I know that look.”

“You needn’t worry about my well being.” Laurance finally stepped closer to her, standing at her side and hesitating at the urge to try and hold one of her hands. “How are you feeling?”

“I’m doing… alright.”

“Now who’s lying?” Irena chuckled a little bit, and Irene help him if that wasn’t one of the most assuring sounds Laurance had heard. Even if it was shaky, she could still laugh.

“What makes you say that?”

“Dante told Garroth about what happened to you the other day. And Garroth couldn’t help but tell me.” Irena sighed, tucking the bandanna into her pocket.

“I told him to keep that between us. It was just an imp playing a trick on me.”

“Why are you trying to hide from me?”

“I’m not—”

“Yes you are.”

“I just don’t want to talk about it. Not while the wound is still fresh.”

“You know that Dante told Garroth because he’s your guard, and that’s why Garroth told me. It’s our sworn duty to take care of and protect you. We can’t do that if you refuse to tell us what’s happening.”

“I wasn’t going to keep it from you for long. This is a security issue on our island that would be brought to light in due time. I just… I needed time to process what I saw.”

“You mean who you saw.” Irena let out a sigh.

“Why did you run?” Laurance turned away.

“You know why.”

“I want to hear it from you.”

“Irena, I… I couldn’t be around you like that. The calling never ends, not in my waking hours. If I had seen the way you were immediately after his passing, I don’t know if I would have been able to hold myself back.”

“Are you sure that’s what this is?” Laurance finally looked to his side and saw Irena’s pitiful expression. They were alone. She was weak. He could just do it now.

“I told you, I’m not your problem to worry about.”

“I'm going to worry regardless. I know you aren’t proud of it, but you are prone to jealousy. I just want to ensure that’s not what this is.” Laurance looked away as his hands clenched into fists. Why was she pushing this?

“And what if it was?” Irena went silent. “Look, I’ll never pretend I understood Aaron, or why he did any of what he did. And I didn’t trust him entirely either, not after he hid he was the Lord of Falcon Claw from us.”

“Laurance, it’s not that simple—”

“What I want to know is why you cared so deeply for him. What made him so special he was worthy of your love?”

“I-I don’t want to talk about that.”

“Well I do.”

“Laurance, regardless of my feelings, he proved himself trustworthy to us. Remember when you turned? He saved my life without killing you.” Laurance held back rapidly growing tears.

“And I’m ashamed he had to do such a thing. But you’re avoiding the question.”

“Maybe it’s a question I don’t want to answer.” Irena’s continued refusal had Laurance already losing his patience. The voices had enough too.

“Why not?!”

“Laurance!” Garroth suddenly snapped. “That’s enough.”

“Stay out of this!” Laurance suddenly roared, his head jerking so he could snarl at the intervening guard. Irena moved back when she saw the flash of red in his eyes.

“It’s not our place to question her on personal matters.”

“Don’t pretend like you aren’t upset over this too.”

“I’m only upset I couldn’t protect my lord adequately. You should be grateful you have the opportunity, not throwing it away over your jealousy.”

“You weren’t here, Garroth! You didn’t see the way he acted around her!”

“I only wish I could have been. He made the ultimate sacrifice for her, and in turn did the same for me. You should understand that. You were lucky enough to come back from it.” Too far and Garroth knew it, but there was nothing he could do now. Anger flowed through Laurance faster than he could keep up with, the voices of the calling louder than his own thoughts. Garroth was right, he was taking this too far, he knew that, but he couldn’t stop himself.

“Don’t speak as if you understand the hell I’ve been through! The hell I went through just to get back to her! I’m here now so why care about him?!” Laurance’s eyes flashed back to their normal state, but by the time regret came to his expression, the damage was already done.

With those words, Haven finally moved from where she’d been watching the conversation, racing forward until she was a step away from Laurance, before slapping him across the face. Irena groaned, nearly falling over which made Garroth rush to her side while Laurance stood there in shock. When he finally could hear his own thoughts over the voices, he saw the tears building up in Havens eyes.

“Would you listen to yourself?!” Haven nearly screamed. “Would you think of saying the same thing if I had followed through?! If I had used my own life to break the realm barrier either of the two times I almost did it, would you be stupid enough to be enraged with someone for grieving over me?!”

“Y-You’re different–” Laurance couldn’t even fully remember what he said.

“Am I?! Aaron loved Irena the same way you love me! Would you accept someone yelling at you for mourning my death?!” Laurance opened his mouth, but closed it after a second. Then he noticed Haven’s hand on the handle of her sword, her sheath undone. “Whether you realize it or not, your selfish words have begun to harm Lord Irena. If you continue to do harm to my lord, I will not hesitate to strike you down.”

“Irena, you need some rest,” Garroth insisted as she groaned again. She just nodded, letting Garroth half pick her up and carry her over to her home.

“Will you stand down, or are you finally going to fight me?” Haven could see the battle in Laurance’s features. Streaks of red flashed through his eyes, and his pupils had begun to shake. There was a clear conflict about what the hell to feel and how to act on it. It went against his nature to wish harm on Haven, let alone Irena, but the calling was almost jumping at this chance. The voices in his head started to demand it.

But he couldn’t. Laurance’s shoulders slumped, and he stepped away from Haven, his humanity clearly winning. Haven still didn’t remove her hand from the handle of her sword, not until Laurance finally fell to his knee, tossing his sword aside, and hanging his head in shame.

“If you see it fit to punish me, do it now,” He insisted. “I have acted shamelessly, and allowed my emotions to cloud my judgment. Only a fool would ask for forgiveness, yet I throw myself at your feet to beg for it.” Haven sighed, finally buttoning up her sheath and taking her hands off of her sword.

“I will grant you what you ask, but in exchange you must promise me something.”

“Anything.”

“I need you to promise me that you won’t keep running away from how the calling making you feel.”

“Haven, I didn’t run today, and look what happened.”

“And look at how Irena didn’t even have the strength to yell at you to leave. Your Lord is in frail condition, both emotionally and physically.”

“The calling will tempt me.”

“And if you ran from it, she could die without you there to protect her.” Laurance groaned at the thought of it, something that clearly ran through his mind every day he was away from them, and Haven knew it. She knew Laurance frustratingly well. “And if Irena were to fall, not only would the grief of losing her begin to take hold of your mind, the calling would latch onto me next. Would you really risk that happening?”

“I would fall on my own sword before I ever considered hurting you.”

“Well you’re no good to me dead.” Haven glanced down at him. “Pick your head up.” Laurance raised his head to look at Haven, and she saw nothing but love and oh-so-human fear in those beautiful eyes of his. “I want you to promise me you won’t run from this. And if you do, know that I will follow after you.”

“Haven–”

“I didn’t before, remember?”

“And I told you–”

“I don’t care what you told me! Laurance–” Haven rolled her eyes and groaned as she tried to formulate the best way to word this to him. “Look, I know you guards struggle to understand this, but the people you’re protecting care about you. Even if you’re willing to go to ridiculous lengths to protect us, we’re willing to go to the same lengths to ensure you don’t die in the process.”

“Seems like an exhausting thing to do.”

“It is! If I were able to, I’d just stop caring about you sacrificial idiots! Unfortunately–” Haven looked down at that frustratingly charming smile of Laurance’s. He loved seeing Haven riled up and frustrated, and he was clearly enjoying the way she kept pausing to try and get through to him. They were both furiously stubborn, and he loved it. “Unfortunately, if I were in the Shadow Abyss that day, I would have thrown myself into whatever danger I had to in order to save your life.” Laurance froze for a moment, a chill going down his body.

“Haven, don’t say stuff like that.”

“What I’m trying to say is that you aren’t going to get away with this again. You can’t just keep running from the consequences. You wanna run off into danger, try to satiate yourself with isolation so you don’t want to kill somebody?! Too bad, cause I’ll be right behind you!”

“But I don’t want you to be!”

“But that’s not how the story goes.” Haven smiled as she knelt down in front of Laurance. “The poet will travel to hell and back just to get another glimpse at their muse.” Laurance sighed, finally relenting, taking his hand off of his knee and holding it out to Haven, who took it tenderly.

“And their muse will always follow, in hopes of hearing just one more note of their song.”

“So, darling muse, will you make this poet into a soldier who fights the fates for you?” Laurance looked up into Haven’s eyes, before pulling her hand closer and placing a kiss against it.

“My fabled poet, you need not do such a thing. They already fear you.” Haven giggled, before pulling Laurance into a kiss. It was slow, not about feeling particularly good, rather just about cementing in that promise. And the fact that Haven was easily the more stubborn of the two.

[kaseyskat]

hmmm. 22 or 24 for lovesong? if ur still doing these no rush or pressure tho :-)<33

(#22- a kiss in a rush of adrenaline- #24 a kiss in danger)

(for context: because i don't want this one to sound too similar to the other lovesong prompt, i ammmm going to set this in RWBY au! i'll explain some terms in the notes for yall so nobody is too lost :) my apologies)

~~

It isn't often that team TGLNS gets separated for missions. After all, the whole point of being teamed up is that they learn how to work as a team, and yet...

... well, they were told this situation required delicacy. They were split three-ways in the cover of the night: Lark would go on his own, completely cloaked by his semblance, while Grant and Terry covered them from behind, leaving Nick and Sparrow to pair up and secure the base they were sent to protect.

Fighting at night is always harder. Already, Grimm lurk in the shadows, and it is only the faint way Sparrow is glowing that wards them off for the time being- Nick is fairly positive that if she weren't using her semblance, they would've already been attacked.

Sparrow is quiet for once, though her hand trembles in Nick's own as they walk through the forest path towards the base. Her semblance - her own personal superpower, the way she can turn herself into light - certainly comes in handy to make her the world's prettiest night light, but it's a little unnerving to see the way she trembles ever so slightly in the dark.

"Hey," Nick whispers, squeezing her hand. "What's up?"

"I wish Lark were here," Sparrow admits, and she shivers as the breeze catches them both, ruffling her hair and his jacket sleeves in one gentle wave. "I'm worried about him."

"Your brother is gonna be fine, he's a total badass." Nick reassures, and he resists the urge to throw his arm around her, to hold her the way he's been longing for weeks now. "And he's entrusted your safety to me, so give him that same faith, huh?"

"I could kick ass without you," Sparrow retorts, but the silly quip works; she's not shaking so much, and her light is a little steadier as they approach the base.

Crazy that this is the base that criminals use. Nick swallows thickly as they stare at the door, the sounds of Grimm getting closer faint but not far off. "Your grandfather could be here," he murmurs, the words getting stuck in his throat. "Are you... okay with that?"

"My grandfather is a piece of shit who wants to make the world harder for everyone except himself," Sparrow scoffs, and she drops Nick's hand to summon her gauntlet, her form getting a little brighter. "I hope we run into him, so I can kick his ass properly."

Grimm are on their tail now, no longer warded off by Sparrow's semblance, and even though Nick is sure that Grant has their back from the trees and Terry is ready to spring to action if they need him, he can't help but vibrate with adrenaline- brothers above, he loves the thrill of a good fight, especially when he's in such good company. "Looks like the Grimm might get to us first," he warns, even as he summons his spear, his own semblance thrumming underneath his skin, waiting to be used. "Seems we won't get into this place without a fight regardless."

"Let's hope Lark's beaten us there, then," Sparrow says, and she clenches her gauntlet into her chest, spinning on her heels to face Nick. There is something dark in her eyes, even as her glow gets even more intense. "Ready for Operation Flash-Bang?"

"We were born ready," Nick grins.

Before he can use his semblance though, Sparrow does something completely unexpected: she leans up on her toes and draws Nick into a kiss. It isn't the first time they've kissed, but the way that Nick's heart is already beating rapidly from the oncoming fight coupled with how Sparrow's non-gauntlet-ed fist comes to tangle in his hair has him heady, faint.

"For good luck," Sparrow whispers while still against his lips, her breath warm and sending shivers down Nick's spine. "Let's kick some ass, shall we?"

"If you kiss me before every battle, I'll have to fight more often," Nick whispers right back, and he can't resist the urge to lean back in for one last quick kiss, lingering in her taste, her scent.

"Don't get too cocky," Sparrow teases when he straightens back up, but her cheeks are flushed, the light of her semblance doing little to hide it. "Now come on: it'll be embarrassing if Grant takes out more Grimm than we do from the trees."

"Pretty sure that's his job," Nick points out, but as Sparrow leaps into danger, gauntlet held in front of her and glowing brighter than ever, it's all he can do to follow her lead and activate his own semblance, his spear splitting in half as his form splits in two.

It's still a long shot, three against... however many Grimm face them in the woods, not to mention the White Fang rebels they might find in the base. But as long as they're together... Nick has no doubts that they'll be victorious.

[chiquititaosita]

yo if your comfortable can I request headcannons/ scenario (whatever is easier for you to write) about one piece boys (zoro law and sanji) would react to y/n using their safeword. Like how they would calm them down and aftercare. Ty💕

after care headcanons

Featuring: Zoro, Law, and Sanji

post type: headcanons

bear note: when I saw this I was blushing hard as a tomate. like AHAHHAHAHAHEHEHEBE! I was squealing! This made my night. So I got you :) im going to link @spideyyeet they made an amazing masterpiece. About using a safe word! I love it! Go check it out! I read that shit back to back!! I still read that shit back to back

@3strapstyle helped me with this one so THANK YOU RUMMIEEE

Zoro

- first off! this man don’t know what after care is unless you tell him

-“STOP ZORO THAT FUCKING HURTS!” You’ll scream the minute he pounds you from behind

- zoro loves anal so I can imagine him being rough with his fat dick in u making u say the safe word

-“GREEN!”

- once you tell him he starts to feel so bad.

-“My bad babe.” he stops now, feeling awkward

-you have to tell him what to do. He’s a slow boy (not too slow though)

-“okay so now what.”

-“do you want to be alone?.”

-“no. I want you to hold me.” you’ll pout at him and look away,

- He’ll let you cuddle on his chest, and kiss you gently,

-“did I go too rough on you.”

-“way too rough, my butt hurts” you’ll sigh

-after a few minutes of cuddling he’ll give you a proper apology “I’m sorry…I’ll try my best to not get too carried away.”

-than try to rub your ass to make it “feel better.”

Law

-this man is into s&m

-he wants to call u all sorts of names, spit in ur mouth, mark u up

- loves IT ROUGH AND MESSY

-“purple!!” If You’ve been too overstimulated, or lost conscious. He’ll understand what you’re trying to say and will ask

-“do you want to stop or take a break?”

- regardless when u say the safe word he stops instantly

-can make you overstimulated within 45 seconds (it’s because his size he’s long and thick)

- “I’m sorry baby, does it hurt right here?” He’ll try to figure it out where it hurts and massage your sore spots

-“you did amazing baby, I’m so sorry for going too rough on you” he’s doing his job as a doctor and as your partner to praise how amazing you are, treat you well

-will immediately give you pain killers, and make you something to eat.

-draws you a bath to help with sore muscles. very sweet of him

- literally does whatever you want

-"don't worry about me not cumming. ill consider this my punishment. I like to edge myself anyway"

-spoils you and of course will give you a snack, y’all will probably just stay in y’all’s shared room, and go to sleep

Sanji

> tears were starting to flow through your eyes. all it was blurry… “blue!!” you screamed out crying, unintentionally hitting his shoulder a few times.

> Sanji immediately stoppped and hugged you.. “shhh…it’s okay..honey... im..sorry…did I go too far on you…” He’s wiping your tears.

>If You were too overstimulated to explain yourself, he’ll be holding you and continued comforting you until your breathing was back to normal.

> When you had enough energy to talk about why you stopped him, you’ll explain to him on why you just wanted to please him since he always pleases you. you thought you were going to return the favor and it’s okay.

> Yes giving both partners the same amount of pleasure is needed, but communication is most necessary, that’s what Sanji was trying to tell you.

“Darling look at me. You’re okay.. im glad you told me. if we kept going..you could’ve been jelly on toast.”

- kissing the top of your head, before taking another hit of his cigarette. you giggled a bit which indeed made you feel a bit better. rubbing your back, and tracing your stretch marks, holding your hands. Kissing you everywhere. He just is an aftercare king.

“Let me to draw you a bath, and hold you okay..a princess like you should be treated with the best care as possible.” he carried you in bridal style into the bath. he washed your hair, you body and everything.

> MANS EVEN DID YOUR HAIR ROUTINE FOR YOU!! OMFG! So you didn’t have to do it.

“You use this one right princess?”

- He was so gentle and kind with you.

> The way applied the oil in your hair, scrunched your curls,and gently brushed your hair kissing your hands.

> You instructed him step by step on what to do and he does it flawlessly. 😩❤️

> when it came to you getting hungry, he made you your food from childhood. admiring how you’d eat it.

Whether it was something small or something big to fill you up. it’d be something to help soothe you. Because sanji loves you and will do anything to please the love of his life.

[stitchthesewords]

👀

(give me ur best shot with this belle >:D)

HEHEHEHEHEHEHHE You geeeeet a Clethubs scene!

Taglist and story below the cut

Bdubs took a deep breath. The cool chainmail of his half veil was like holding a glacier to the dark hickey on his neck, partially concealed by his coat. His robe. His moss. He was, alarmingly, unable to tell if it was a fashion piece or a part of him anymore. The hallways echoed under his feet. The servants of the Crastle were all asleep, which was good for him. It wasn’t like his relationship with the king was some big secret – he wasn’t Martyn, but he didn’t want to deal with the looks he got when there was a clear and visible marking of it.

The door to his bedroom greeted him with a creak on its hinges and he sighed, gazing at them. It felt like the whole thing was starting to come apart already. As he brought his gaze back to the foreground, he was not surprised to find Etho lounging in the armchair by his fireplace. Bdubs had chosen that armchair specifically for him. The door creaked again on its way to shut behind him and he made his way over, throwing himself over top of where Etho was writing. Or drawing. Bdubs liked to call it doodling and Etho liked to call it schematics.

“The king done with you for the day?” Etho asked, leaning down to kiss Bdubs through his mask. Bdubs pouted, but he noticed Etho’s eyes were on a different part of the room. When he followed, he noticed Cleo laid out on his bed, waiting for him to turn his attention to them.

“Took you long enough to figure out I was here,” they said. Bdubs squawked and fumbled his way from Etho’s lap, straightening out his clothes as he came to a stop. No matter how long the three of them had been at this game, Bdubs would never get used to both their attentions being on him.

Bdubs was very certain of his relationships – Cleo, Etho, Ren, Impulse – very certain indeed. And he knew whatever Ren and Cleo had going on was not romantic in the slightest. It was more like watching a cat play with a meal before letting it go again. Impulse was, for obvious reasons, not connected with the people in the Crastle, and some part of Bdubs stomach always twisted a little when he thought of how Ren might react to that. Whatever Etho and Cleo had going on, however, was a mystery to him. He could never tell if they were rivals, opposite suitors, or maybe even just…bashful about one another. He never saw them so much as hold hands, but both of them assured him they were ‘more than just friends’. Whatever that meant to them, Bdubs had no clue.

“Warn a guy if you’re going to both camp out in his bedroom!” he shouted, stomping where he stood. The dual laughter made his cheeks heat up and his face crinkle a bit.

“’Your most private of areas’ as I think Ren’s taken to calling it?” Cleo said with a laugh.     They sat up on the bed and crossed their legs. “I wasn’t planning on staying long anyway. Got statues to build, raw meat to eat for dinner.”

Bdubs still sputtered regardless and crossed his arms, turning away from both of them. Cleo snorted and that was a lovely noise, frankly.

“Cleo and I were just talking about some defensive plans for the Crastle, actually,” Etho said, picking up his pen from his notebook and stashing both away.

“Since when do you care about the Crastle?” Bdubs asked.

“Since always,” came Etho’s smooth reply, though there was a look in his eyes. Impulse. Cleo didn’t know about Impulse either.

The two of them were quiet for long enough that Cleo scoffed to get their attention. “If the two of you are done making heart eyes and drooling over each other,” they said, finally rising from the bed. In a few steps, they made their way to Bdubs, Standing over him well enough to use him as an arm rest. They didn’t, this time, but they did lean down and, arms wrapped around his neck and shoulders, kiss his cheek. “I’ll be going now. Good night Bdubs, Etho,” they said, before limbering out of the room.

@atherix @braxiatel @greatbridge @ellalily @lesbianwilby @em-mermaid @loombarrow

[nyasialiveshere]

For colored girls: think piece for educational purposes; opinions welcome tho

So i was thinking on how, 90 percent of black female exo stans going from normal kai fans to hardcore fujoshi's to distance themselves from the kmusic nd black women movement is kinda sad, like just b ur self people will think what they want to think regardless its sad the lack of creativity these spaces had because so many fell into group think and feared being x'od out(no pun intended) from a fandom. it'll never be that serious. I'd like an actual study done on why most people get into hard-core shipping particularly females and particularly neurodivergent ethnic women, is it simply cause of naturally being in love with a couple(which is just voyeurism and still implies projecting yourself on one part of the relationship 4 real just look it up some twilight article from 2007 written by a white dude might pop up tho) or is it to distance oneself from the prison of the body avoid the harsh realities of gender inequality. Boys don't have to deal with periods, hormonal imbalances and physical vulnerability or at least as not as much as women typically do (if anyone disagrees pls go read any book on femicide in 1st or 3rd world countries its eye opening). But going back to what i was saying it kinda shocked me when i realized unlike other races there was more of an imbalance in the hetero-crushing fangirl and the vocal Fujoshi side of the fandom when it came to black women. Surely racism and simply wanting to be liked and possibly even avoid racist backlash by being apart of something that basically excludes all discussion of an idols toxic, s*xist, hetero er*tic behavior or really any conversation that a ethnic person w a brain would eventually call out. Wearing the fujoshi badge of honor would come with a certain code of conduct not mentioning too much outside of what would make the average shipper uncomfortable. Even if a shipper were to post a social climate topic talking of or reposting a thinkpiece this is basic liberal internet code of conduct being a shipper primarily a yaoi one of course that is acceptable. But anything digging to deeply in the behavior of pathology of a person or even(gasp) possible odd problematic things concerning the very ship you all congregate over that would be to much and you should be swiftly blocked lest anyone end up thinking to hard. I think many people have thought quite long and hard about it seeing the trend of intense idol worship, shippings, then completely deactivating of accounts leaving many pockets of the internet old kpop ghostowns. Because still to this day I wonder if for no other reason than just nobody talks about it, how interesting some of the most beloved exo ships including jongin like kaisoo could have long histories of simple unhealthy or toxic behavior towards one another and it either be swept under the rug, mass deleted( super common), or my fav have a black nd white filter put over it or have it slowed down.

For that reason i believe exo ships must be the korean kpop yaoi equivalent of justinxselena/ justinxhailey because of the pure blockheadedness of the shippers only caring about crafting the narrative. In exols so wrapped up in identifying with a homoerotic ship that common sense and decency leave the window. I won't touch on the dehumanization, overs*xualization ( thats a whole literal book i could write because they were kids who got groomed to be appealing to women and men alike and have unrealistic anime like bonds with their group members, and fellow trainee's) regardless on if you think they are together or not hell literally who knows but ignoring the system itself is messes up and not wanting to kill the l*st you have for your ship long enough to see it..its too much. These companies are not right they are truly a flashy version of slavery no part of it is cute including the ships companies sit down and pair up. Again there are still shippers of couples that are dead and divorced, many couples are secret no on can say for sure what is and isn't true but what is true above is that children desperate to make themselves and their families proud are taught to be s*x symbols before they are done with puberty. The same puberty as many of their fans were going through as they first laid eyes on them. I'll never forget in the one direction documentary they brought in a neurologist to describe how the fan's brains as mostly preteen or teenage girls were extremely affected almost to the point of hysteria. I just can never back down on the boy/girl bands craze being distinctly built for young girls. It is. It is real life barbie and ken. The way they view the teen girl market is predatory, evil and ends in destruction of young minds.

The fact that johnny kitagawa was exposed yet people still revere him and his work like he did something tells me so much about the world and era we are in. I truly believe people have/will have the same sentiments towards lee sooman. But look what he did for kpop...what did motown do for black music? Sold it to the literal devil. People as a commodity is slavery. People's relationships, their affection, how they express love, their intimacy being wrapped up in a bow for you is slavery..comfortable slavery but still slavery none the less. They are designer slaves, ultra house slaves. I need more realistic conversations about the nature of this particular pocket of capitalism. Without the sob story attached about how its a..or rather a particular idol or a paticular relationship is your salvation..no its not. hollywood married couples with kids break up. The self identifying * delulu fantasy* im a real life manic pixie dream girl this idol is my emotional support...yes emotional support idol I've heare this so many times before. But people always mis speak, what you mean is that idol is your virtual emotional support dog.

Because what else could you call feeling entitled to wanting to control someone's viewpoint, disliking how masculine or feminine someone is on a particularly day ( the domkai subkai or alpha omega debate with him sends me each side completely ignoring all humans have a balance of maculine and feminine energies. Denying someone polarity as a human being is something else.) and how that disrupts your view of who you feel they should be, showing praise when they are a good boy and feeling okay to drag them when they did what you consider bad, feeling that person is less than human, nothing more than a virtual pet.

I am interested to see how people react when sm no longer has control and the freedom on their personal image.

when the malewife member gets an actual wife and has children and is conservative then what..thats not far fetched that is just realistic.

When reality sets in will the kpop fandom still like them, everyone says yes a if exo hasn't been under contract since their brains werent fully formed and sm controlled their image even if you think they didnt.

I has to get offline when chen's wedding was happening and people were using behind the scenes footage of members next to one another at a most likely an assigned seat wedding. You think a married man is gonna put his band members spread out next to family...wild nothing was learned. But the shippers laugh at the stan shippers who don't want him married

the exo is family fans is no different than the they shouldnt date fans you are implying they would put a group over their own wellbeing or even their children now thats where you're buggin. The people who retort we pay their bills we made them..nope wrong gain technically you didnt, their sponsors, managers, ceo, makeup artist all who they know better than any fan helped make more so than any fan. Fans are customers, one person stop going to a restaurant or store, ten more people see a commercial or celeb endorse it and go in droves

one customer stop shopping at a luxury grocery store because its too expensive or the store changed too much

doesnt matter to the store because its not a store just like an idol they have a team upkeeping it and keeping it running and evolving, getting or rather paying or giving incentives to wealthy or influential people to keep their product or corporate entity running and successful.

People back then were shocked when liam started revealing things about the group the fans had no ideal about. These are people, who are mostly contoured into whatever the richest person in charge thinks they should be how on earth could you know anything beyond your own nose watching video content made by the same people who created the celebrity avatar they occasionally embody.

Im still learning new stuff about the entertainment industry nothing is ever certain Media is an illusion even whats behind the curtain seriously, a lot of what people think is fanservice is...but not for regular fans its for super duper rich people the same ones who keep the companies and comebacks going. But anyway most of this is known subconsciously anyway. Gifts aren't allowed but somehow certain fans can gift items worth more than the rent at an idols dorm, these special fans aren't bratty rich girls but again its a lovely story pushes to further demonize women making women the ultimate villains when at the end of the day women are getting financially, spirituatually, creatively and physically drained by men whether in the physical or metaphysical by the characters in kwangya.

Theres so much more to say but eh i only said a few problematic things

oh and because I sped past it and i don't wanna come back to this and clarify, people be speed reading i know sometimes I'm people. What i meant concerning the kai shipping sitch is that every yaoi ship he is in there was a time said other half of the ship went there with either his features ( which is featurism and worse than colorism every idol skin whitens but i noticed people consistently saying or alluding to his looks being other which if you didn't know in far east asia featurism would be pointing out someone not having the typical far east asian features and having more austrailoid/negroid features. I never noticed this til I went back after my brain developed. This would be why all those years ago taemin said he looked like he was from south america which was a bit more accurate than kai saying he thought taemin was usher. There are other instances between these two but im just putting an example. Exo certainly had there fun but on the tail end of exo's career you will only see kai himself making fun of his skintone. You can feel however you want but I just find it interesting the same standards the public has with heterosexual relationships even fictional shipping fandom just doesn't exist when concerning yaoi. But again I feel thats for obvious reasons. The shipverse which mainly includes the highlight reels heated onstage moments or fluffy ones.

Anyway whatever i can tier rank ships another day. All the ones I have seen that may have actually had something going on.... nobody cares, which means it's mostly just group think. Its the tribe aspect. Notice there's no one shipping oxygen and hydrogen its a true bond definitely real but there's no fanclub/cult

[threegunbrainrot]

I look at the 98 anime with a fond fascination. It’s based off of only the original couple issues of Trigun plus like I want to say the first 4? Of trimax. And bc of how many things get developed and revealed much more down the line in the manga, it’s so interesting to think about this offshoot of the original source material where things didn’t quite ramp up to the same scale but still got to the heart of things anyways, where everyone’s backstories played out just a little to the left and led to a similar but different tale. Trimax is definitely my favorite, bc just everything about it is so well done to me, but 98 holds its own unique spot in my favor

i definitely agree anon ur So right

it's practically a branching timelines situation, where everything is so, SO close to being the same, but thanks to the butterfly effect everything got skewed ever so slightly and now the whole world is just that much more different

call it parallel universes, alternate dimensions, alternate timelines... i really love it all. there's so many specific parts of both trimax and 98 that shine brighter and dimmer than one another. unique pieces of the narrative that were either expounded or brushed aside.

like in 98, meryl didn't want to believe that vash was the legend she was looking for. it was a ridiculous notion that such a friendly, goofy guy could be the bloodthirsty killer she hunted for

but in the manga, she and milly took to it instantly. in fact, they jumped into it with AGGRESSION- actively getting involved in the fighting and PUSHING to calm the situation down. this panel in particular i think sums it up very well lol:

they meet him with confidence and they're not afraid to fire upon others for the sake of collective peace. vash is caught off by how readily he's approached and even defended, in a way. when the automatic reaction to learning his identity is usually either hostility or fear, it makes sense.

and i dont have a convenient shot of any particular moment in 98 that portrayed their early relationship well, but it's easy to see the differences anyway.

instead of steady confidence, meryl met vash with confusion and outright denial for awhile. she and milly both got involved in fewer fights overall i think? but i might be wrong. i won't speak much on this since i don't remember 98 very well, but i get the sense they sought out vash's fights much less in that rendition (at least early on. they went CRAZY toward the end- meryl especially).

and there's countless little differences like this.

so yeah, even if trimax is the source content, 98 is this funky little spinoff that treats vash just a little bit more nicely lmao. the whole thing is a little more watered down, i think; intentionally to make it more palatable. i still love it regardless, of course. it just oozes charm <3