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hardlyinteresting · 9 months ago

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Love, Guilt and Other Wounds

Aaron Hotchner x female reader

When Aaron and his partner are taken hostage, he has to break her heart to save her life.

Warnings: angst, hurt/comfort, a little bit of domestic fluff, mention of blood, injury (non-graphic), hostage situation, knives, cannon-compliant themes of violence, non-detailed discussion about religion (Christianity), themes of childhood abuse, please let me know if you want me to add anything else.

Word count: (less than I expected, sorry) 3.7k Request here! | Masterlist

"Of course, I’ll hurt you. Of course, you’ll hurt me. Of course, we will hurt each other. But this is the very condition of existence. To become spring means accepting the risk of winter. To become presence, means accepting the risk of absence". - Antoine de Saint-Exupéry

Aaron isn't sure if he believes in a God or a higher power. He was taught to read scripture; and spent Sunday mornings perfecting his posture in church pews-- starched shirts and neckties pulled too tight. The preacher's sermons left him wanting-- wondering how this man of God could stand over his congregation preaching every week, and not see all the lies they were holding back. How could he not see the secrets Aaron seemed to read so clearly? At just fourteen Aaron knew who was having an affair and with whom. He could see which children feared their fathers. Every pew had another story, another family growing together, or falling apart. The hypocrisy of it all drove him mad, and he imagined standing from his seat to shout it, overwhelmed as he realized he had unintentionally become the keeper of everyone's secrets. He learned that everyone in that church was a liar in their own right, and he hated it. But, when he left for college, his mother called to ask if he was still going to church on Sundays, and he lied and said yes.

He should have paid more attention. Maybe then he'd understand how he ended up here. Perhaps it's some sick retribution. A cosmic evening of the scales; his penance for his sins. He just wishes you weren't here with him. How dare he think he could love someone when all he's ever done is punish those who love him? His hands are stained with blood; he taints everything he touches.

Very early on in his career, Aaron learned he couldn’t take cases personally. As devastating as it was to have another victim show up while hunting a killer, it wasn’t a personal failure. Compartmentalize. Use logic. Move forward. He repeated the process again and again. Logically he knows that he is not responsible for the actions of the aggressive sociopath who is now holding the two of you hostage; but, he blames himself for not keeping you safer, for bringing you with him, and for putting you in harm's way. He knows he will not recover if you don’t make it out of here. He won’t forgive himself.

The profile said this man would be anti-social. Physically, he’d be small in stature. It was clear he’d been sneaking up on his victims. He had been taking couples, knocking out the men with a blow to the back of the head, and then the women. It’s a method that the team had seen before, common for UNSUBs without the social ability to lure their victims, or the physical strength or confidence to attack head-on. But they had not profiled that he would escalate to taking out his targets with a taser.

After six days in San Diego, the team finally had a lead on two rental properties in the UNSUB’s comfort zone. One was an old tyre factory, listed as a multipurpose warehouse and storage space; the other was a large storage facility in an industrial neighbourhood. Both units had been paid for in cash, both offered the privacy and space required to hold and torture two people for days at a time. The team split up, Hotch and you arranged to meet the owner of the factory space to find out more about who the renter was and gain access to the property. With no response from the owner of the second property, Morgan, Prentiss, and Rossi headed over to check it out.

The two of you had only been on the property for five minutes before Aaron had been incapacitated and taken out. He had foolishly made his way into the building while you ran back to the SUV to grab your jacket. Out cold, there was nothing Aaron could do to stop you from meeting the same fate.

It’s not his fault. But he feels like it is as he watches you shiver from across the room. He can’t be certain how much time has passed, but it feels like hours. He can only hope that you’re being kept in the building you were attacked in, that the team will connect the dots and come and get you, but until then you’re stuck. He watches, nauseated as your eyes flutter open, and then shut again. You’re concussed, he doesn’t need to be a doctor to know that. His ears are ringing, and he’s sure the blow he took to the head has at the very least temporarily worsened his hearing.

“Doesn’t the FBI have rules against fraternization?” The UNSUB wonders out loud, waving a knife around as he walks towards you.

“What makes you think we’re a couple?” Hotch asks, as he tries to work his hands free from the rope that binds them behind his back, “She’s just a colleague”.

It’s a lie. But it needs to be said. Compartmentalize. Use logic. Move forward. Buy time, shift the UNSUB’s interest away from the two of you. Ruin the fantasy.

“I think I’ve been doing this long enough to know a couple when I see a couple, Aaron,” the man taunts, obviously proud of himself. He’s feeling emboldened having taken two FBI agents, but that works in your favour. He’s getting cocky, too full of himself. It’s a level of confidence he isn’t used to having, it just gives him a higher height to fall from. Compartmentalize. Use logic. Move forward. “I think it’s time we wake your girlfriend up,” the man says, his hand gripping tightly at your hair, your head tugged back without remorse.

Aaron resists the urge to cringe as he hears you groan, your face twisted with obvious pain as you’re rudely awakened. “She’s pretty. What’s she doing with you?”

“I told you. She’s a colleague”.

Your eyes are unfocused, scanning the room trying to make sense of what is going on.

The man raises the knife, holding it to your throat. This time Aaron blinks, desperate to control his expressions and micro-expressions. In this scenario, the less he cares about you, the safer you are.

It’s the burden of being tied to him. Time after time his love destroys people.

The blade presses closer to your throat. Aaron controls his breathing.

“Impressive agent Hotchner. But I’m still not convinced,” the UNSUB moves the blade but pulls your head back further. Your eyes meet Aaron’s, “Do what you’re going to do, he doesn’t care,” you say. You’re speaking to the man with the knife in his hand as much as you’re speaking to Aaron. He weighs his options, his heart pounding as he watches you hold your breath, willing the tears to leave your eyes. It’s the permission he needs but doesn’t want. Compartmentalize. Use logic. Move forward. He knows you’re doing the same, telling him to break your heart to save your life.

“Please, Hotc--”.

He doesn’t let you finish, “Just shut up for once. Please,” he thinks the words cut through him more than they cut through you. Knowing his cruelty is a lie does little to soften the blow, and it breaks his heart to be the one throwing it.

But this is all he’s good for, isn’t it? Letting people down. Surely it’s not just coincidence that so many of those who have dared to love him end up damaged. One way or another he destroys people. Who is he to say that he’s the one who is suffering when it’s he who does all the damage?

Even as a child, he couldn’t help it. He thinks perhaps he inherited his sharpened tongue and lack of patience from his mother. She loved him in her own way but could never show it without first tearing him apart. Her biting words, and regular beatings. Prentiss had been right when she once said he was distrustful of women-- unfairly so. Not all women carry the hateful, spiteful heart his mother had. Very few had ever turned their rage at the world and their shortcomings into a personal and violent rage against him. He grew weary nonetheless. Better safe than sorry.

At a young age, it became clear to him that there were few things, if anything, as important to his mother than appearances. On Sundays, she fussed over his clothes and his posture. She lectured him on table manners from the moment he could hold a fork. His room had to be spotless. His grades had to surpass average. Long before his brother was ever born, he learned how to live up to her expectations. But still, there was always something she could find him lacking in, an excuse to take her open fist or wooden spoon to his skin, a reason to send him to bed without dinner. He remembers crashing into the china cabinet trying to escape her one night. She was mortified on Monday when he had to walk into school on Monday with a cast around his arm. “Make sure they know this was your fault,” she told him. Perhaps I was built to fail, he had thought. She loves me and I embarrass her. I will only ever let her down. God, how disappointed she would be to see him now.

Seconds feel like hours as the UNSUB leers expectantly. The man's mouth twists into a smile when he sees the tears forming in your waterline again. Aaron watches your fist clench presumably to distract yourself from the migraine that matches the pounding in his head, just as much as it is to pull your attention away from the hurtful lies he's about to weave.

“You were supposed to have my back,” Arron spits with faux vitriol. “You had one job and couldn't even manage to do that”. Compartmentalize. Use logic. Move forward.

“From the moment you showed up I knew you'd be a problem”.

He continues to try to work his hands out from the binds. He can feel the knot loosening as he continues to buy the two of you time. “Aaron,” you beg, tears slipping down your cheeks now.

“Following me around with some school girl crush. Look where we are now,” Aaron breathes.

He can feel his father’s rage resting on his shoulders, as heavy as his hands were when he used to pat him on the back. It’s a quiet burning, far more silent than his mother’s anger, but it’s there and threatening him all the same. A silent shame; a fear induced by the knowledge that he’s failing but not being able to stop it. His father lived like a ghost in their home, just as Aaron has learned to haunt his life. He only ever raised his voice when he drank, but even then his hatred was self-directed. A sorrowful self-pity. A cry for help. The affairs, the gambling, the drinking; the man punished himself, stumbling home to a house with a vengeful wife, a silent boy, and a crying baby. It was a heart attack that finally killed him, but Aaron never doubted his father had stopped living long before that.

Aaron breaks his own heart as he delivers each verbal blow. He hopes you understand. He prays that just maybe your concussion might leave the memories of this moment blurry. Selfishly, he begs you to forgive him, because he won’t forgive himself.

He can see the way your wrists strain against your restraints. The UNSUB adjusts his grip on your hair as you struggle to distance yourself from him. Your eyelids flutter and he knows your vision must be swimming but you don’t give up. With a sadistic grin, the UNSUB wipes at the tear stain on your cheek with fake sympathy, grasping your jaw roughly he forces you to look straight at Aaron, “Poor girl… guess boss man doesn’t care about you after all. What a waste,” he sighs his breath heavy against your cheek, as he moves to hold the knife to your throat again, “She’s so pretty,” he directs his commentary at Aaron this time.

“Oh, don’t get me wrong. I’ve slept with her. How couldn’t I when she was practically throwing herself at me?” The words taste bitter on his tongue as he speaks them. His stomach churns as he continues, “But what we have certainly isn’t love”.

It couldn’t be further from the truth. Aaron grounds himself choosing to remember the quiet morning you two had shared only a few days earlier. Waking up without an alarm but with Jack sneaking in to jump up on the bed. As he watches you cry now he recalls how you had smiled so brightly at the little boy, ruffling his hair and cuddling Jack into your side. He had watched with a smile of his own as you bargained with his son, promising pancakes in exchange for ten more minutes of sleep on your shared day off.

You crept into his heart so slowly he had hardly noticed. Until one day, he looked up from the bright pink sticky note you'd left on your recent report, reminding him not to work too hard; he knew, without a doubt, he was in love with you.

For so much of his life, Aaron conditioned himself to expect a fight around every corner. He learned to make sacrifices from his happiness in fruitless attempts to keep peace. For the first time in forever he's been feeling like maybe, just maybe, he's enough. You’ve been more than patient with him; understanding his hesitance to open up to people again. You don't get upset with him for working late, but you scold him for not getting enough sleep and skipping meals.

He smiles more. He cracks jokes the way he used to. You've helped him see the forest from the trees-- healed parts of him he didn’t know needed mending. He's tried to do the same for you. He's watched you open up and trust the team more. He's seen the way your confidence has grown and he can't take credit for your growth, but he's enamoured by the transformation just the same.

You deserve better. You deserve better. You deserve better. The thought echoes in his head the same as it does most days. But now, it’s louder. The voice in his head matches the volume of the ringing in his ears, and the rushing sound of his pounding heart. Compartmentalize. Use logic. Move forward. He fights to remind himself, but the UNSUB is laughing now. Taunting you and your emotions, and there’s nothing Aaron can do but sit there and watch. He struggles to feign indifference, watching as you continue to make yourself smaller. It’s only then that he notices that you too are working your hands out of the rope that restrains you. The UNSUB was stupid enough to tie your wrist in front of you.

Aaron’s eyes focus on the bandaid wrapped around your index finger. You cut yourself making dinner last week. He could have sworn his heart melted when you turned to him holding your hand out, blood beading already. “Aaron, where do you keep your first aid kit?” you’d asked. Your brows furrowed, and your lips pouted. “In the bathroom, the cabinet under the sink,” he’d answered with no intention of letting you go off and tend to your wound alone. Instead, he guided you down the hall, his left hand looped in a gentle hold around your wrist, his other hand on your waist.

Once you were sat on the countertop he took great care, making sure the wound was cleaned before he bandaged it. “My hero,” you teased, leaning in for a kiss.

A simple cut he could manage to fix. Jack promised you could use as many of his Star Wars bandaids as you wanted while you healed as well. A little love and patience could make it better, a philosophy he adopted to heal Jack’s scraped knees, and schoolyard bruises. But the sight before him now is far worse than any kitchen mishap could be.

Your nose is still bleeding. Bruises have already begun to form, red marks turning deep purple with every passing minute. He knows that your concussion is something you'll recover from. The contact burns from where the taser touched your skin will become new skin someday soon. The cuts and scrapes will scab over and then disappear.

Aaron worries the damage he's done can never truly be ameliorated. Your compassion is unmatched. It’s what makes you a good agent, a good partner, and someone Jack can turn to. You are forgiving. God knows you've excused enough of his behaviour. But, he doesn't deserve to be absolved of this guilt. He will carry this day around in the darkest corner of his heart; the same place he holds the memory of Haley and how he failed her. The words “what we have certainly isn't love,” will linger uneffaced by time or kind words.

The squeak of an old door opening piques Aaron's interest. The UNSUB doesn't react. Seemingly only interested in tracing the tear tracks on your cheeks. Your eyes are closing again. It's over now, he wants to tell you. He wants to hold you; comfort you; to apologise because you deserve to hear it anyway.

“Paul Simpson. FBI,” Morgan’s voice booms, “drop the knife and put your hands where I can see them”. Prentiss and Dave come to stand next to Morgan, their guns trained on the newly identified perpetrator. Aaron bites his tongue so hard he can taste blood-- it's all he can do to stop himself from bursting into a fit of bitter laughter. We win, he wants to say.

Disarmed and handcuffed, Paul is escorted outside by Morgan and two members of the local police. Prentiss and Rossi make quick work of untying you and Aaron.

“Aaron?” he can hear you mutter, breathy and quiet.

“Yeah, I’m right here,” he promises kneeling at your side. Your eyes are glazed and unfocused as you nod and tip forward. Unconscious, your entire body falls forward into Prentiss’ arms. Aaron’s voice joins Rossi in calling for a paramedic.

The doctors assure him that you’ll wake up soon. They dealt with his injuries quickly. Bruised ribs are the worst of his injuries. A cut at the back of his head and the taser burns were patched in only a few minutes, though he’ll readily admit he was far from a good patient. Too anxious to keep still much to the nurse’s dismay.

You’re still asleep. A major concussion will have you out of the field for much longer than he knows you’ll be happy with. He makes a mental note to start setting aside some extra paperwork for when you inevitably start hounding him for something to do. With the lights in the room dimmed, and a comfortable silence settling he allows himself to indulge in the illusion that everything might be alright between you.

With your hand in his, he breathes deeply trying to focus. He prays to a God he’s not sure he believes in. And when the quiet starts to get to him, he speaks out loud, as silly as he thinks he may look. He tells you about the phone call he had with Jack earlier and lets you know that Jack has a new painting he can’t wait to show you when you get home. Your hand squeezes his, encouraging him to keep talking.

“Aaron?” your eyelids flutter as you adjust to the light. The nurse had them turned to the dimmest setting but it’s still far more than you feel immediately capable of coping with.

“Yeah, honey,” he affirms. You release the breath you’re holding your brow relaxing.

“I love you,” you tell him. Your voice is steady and steadfast. Your resolve is impressive, unwavering and determined as you focus on making eye contact with him. “It’s not your fault,” you promise. He’s sure you don’t expect the weight on his shoulders to lighten instantaneously. You’ll tell him every day that he’s not to blame; intent on chiselling away at his guilt, shrinking it down before it manages to consume him.

“I love you,” he swears. He knows it won’t squash any of the doubt he’s planted. Aaron knows there will soon be days that the niggling insecurity threatens to break what you’ve managed to build together; when the worry that you aren’t enough seems louder than it ever has before. He won’t blame you if you decide it isn’t worth the pain of staying with him. But, he’s hell-bent on loving you through it. He can only hope that it’s enough.

#aaron hotchner x reader #aaron hotchner #aaron hotchner imagine #criminal minds fic #hotch x reader

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bettyshoweduptotheparty · 1 year ago

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Midnights duality (part 2): Meet me at midnight

So, we’ve established that Midnights is the era where Taylor makes it known that there are two versions of her story, and that the prevailing narrative can’t be trusted and she’s letting a second (conflicting) narrative exist alongside it. This brings me back to the sentence that concluded the album announcement and opened the first track: Meet me at midnight.

Sounds so simple, right? But who are we meeting at midnight? It’s not the public Taylor, because we’ve known her for a while. So it must be the private one, the one that wears trainers and a T-shirt and bleeds purple glitter. Let’s meet her.

Where, other than in the mv, do we see this private Taylor? On the big screen during the Eras tour performance of Anti Hero. And what is she doing? Screaming and waving at us before she walks off in a huff. Guess no one was there to meet her…

She is also the one taking notes when performance Taylor is doing the teaching. I find it noteworthy that the public Taylor here is dressed in 1989 outfit and is holding the pointer stick in the same way she used to swing and hold the golf club in the Blank Space performance on the 1989 tour. She is also the one slut-shaming and bullying Taylor about her weight in the bathroom scene, two things we know were very prominent during the 1989 era so this ‘Anti Hero’ villain is her 1989 self, the height of her fame and perfectly crafted public persona. So this private Taylor that we are meeting is taking notes from her 1989 self. Interesting… And even more interesting that we are now getting a vault track on 1989tv called SLUT!. And I have just learned today that we are quite possibly getting a mv for this song… so would this be the place to meet our new Taylor? I think it’s a contender.

I have said in my post about the burning Lover house, that I take from the blue flames that 1989tv will move the narrative of this new Taylor forward quite a bit and as we are nearing the release (5 days to go as I’m writing this) I get that feeling more and more. Yes, I am not blind or deaf, I am very well aware that Taylor is currently doing her very best performance of NFL player’s gf, but I actually think that furthers my duality in public narrative and performance art point from part 1. Because, while I’m sure I don’t need to give you any examples of the excessive articles and media coverage of Taylor’s outings with either MH or TK, I just want to remind you of what other articles and media coverage has emerged in recent months, and this is not a story that would have made the NY Times or Cosmopolitan even a year ago.

Yep, Gaylor has entered the mainstream media. Not something that was on my 2023 bingo card, if I’m honest. Not even during the spring and summer of 2019, during Taylor’s soft launch phase, was her queerness this openly discussed in mainstream media. And not just as a general idea, some of the articles are linking her to very specific women in the past and, as if that wasn’t enough, the women in question have promptly appeared in public, either non-denying a relationship with her (looking at you DA), or showing up at her concert after a supposed years-long feud, adding fuel to the fire. And didn’t Taylor make a spectacle of looking lovingly up at Karlie in the stands at the last LA show, a show that she hyped up enough with 1989 announcement easter eggs that she could be sure everyone was watching. She wants to give this new narrative a platform. Yes, the straight girl pap walks are happening, but so is this. Pick your narrative. Especially the inclusion of Taylor in posts from official LGBTQ charities like Stonewall and Glaad seems significant to me, because they are non-profit organisations that are dedicated exclusively to preserving and telling queer people’s stories and would never risk their reputation or seriousness of their cause by participating in clout chasing or name dropping. And I know that these two things going on simultaneously seem super confusing, but I’m starting to think the confusion is part of the act. This is the tale of the two Taylors and it’s our job to work out which is which. The Stonewall Archive specifically tagged Taylor in their post about an exhibit on media coverage and public perception… they know something we don’t.

The re-emergence of pap walks alone is something I wasn’t expecting. Over the last 7 years we have known Taylor as a private person after her turbulent 1989 era. She was mostly quiet, stayed out of the headlines, no pap walks or public appearances outside of award shows and select performances. After all, reputation Taylor told us that the old Taylor died and the new version didn’t explain anything or show her face in public much. But 2023 Taylor has felt a lot like that old Taylor, right?? The pap walks, the girl squad, the high publicity romances… So, hasn’t Taylor learned her lesson from her 1989 self after all?

I think she has, but she wants the rest of the world to eat their words and see how ridiculous this is. Will this all be part of a Slut! mv? Maybe. Or it could be a way to distract the fanbase from something else that’s going on. One very notable difference in the pap walks now is how confidently herself she is when she’s photographed with her friends or going to the studio. Back in 2014 she would leave the gym looking like she was walking the runway with not a hair out of place, and now she is walking the streets of NYC looking queer as ever. (I swear she googled ‘How to look like a lesbian’ before picking that second outfit…) And I’ve seen how much it confuses the swifties. And I’m here for it 😋 Question though, if she’s going into the studio looking this gay, is the music coming out of these sessions going to be equally💅 ?

Something is brewing and 1989tv is the next thing on the horizon, so let’s look at that.

Midnight and Sunrise

Having been introduced to our new Taylor at the beginning of Midnights, she’s taken us through the main album, then the 3am bonus tracks, to the til dawn edition. With every new midnights edition we have worked our way through the night from midnight, to 3am, to dawn. So, next would be sunrise, right? And there have actually been a few mentions of sunrise and daylight in both the 1989tv marketing and other media coverage. I’ve spoken about the midnights to daylight theory before, as it’s one that many Gaylors have speculated on, but I think there has been quite a bit of movement on this recently.

Firstly, there is the yellow 1989tv vinyl that is conveniently named the ‘Sunrise Boulevard edition’. Not only does it have the word sunrise in it, it is also a direct reference to the Stonewall National Museum & Archive, which is located on this road in Fort Lauderdale, FL. And with the emergence of all the other variations of the 1989tv vinyl, it is easy to spot that they all have a sunlit beach theme (a big change from the OG 1989 city theme!) and with the recent leak of a purple version on the website of a record shop, we now have a full rainbow of 1989tv vinyls. Sunrise and rainbows… I think I have an idea where this may be going. But hang on, there is more.

Remember when I said that the Stonewall National Archive knows something we don’t? A few days ago, they posted this on their Instagram with lyrics from Taylor’s happiness, highlighting and italicising the word sunrise and pointing everybody’s nose in the caption to their address at 1300 E Sunrise Boulevard:

This feels VERY intentional. And I’ve never really looked at the happiness lyrics in that way, having taken the song to be about Scott B and her old label, but when Stonewall is using these exact lines in that context, with a strong suggestion that they have insider knowledge, it seems worth looking at them again.

In the caption, SNMAL say that they ‘celebrate the glorious sunrise of LGBTQ+ history’ with the pride flag and sunshine emoji. So, could it be that the Sunrise Blvd vinyl and accompanying rainbow variations of 1989tv are going to bring some kind of moment in history for LGBTQ people? It certainly sounds like this is about more than just Taylor. Perhaps furthering the theory that there may be a double album on the horizon with the second one being all collaborations. Stonewall also liked a comment on this post that said that something is in the air 🌈

They also included the line about flickers of light from the dress I wore at midnight. Flickers of light, as in glimpses of her queerness? The ones we are seeing now in all those articles are social posts? The mention of a dress immediately throws my mind back to the rainbow dress that Billy Porter ended up wearing at World Pride 2019, but that was almost certainly meant for Taylor. And out of all the photos of Taylor from the VMAs this year, which one did GLAAD choose to post on their Instagram in September? Yep, the one with Billy Porter. Takes me back to 2019… and something else does too, actually: The Cruel Summer live single release.

Cruel Summer was released as a single this June, 4 years after its initial release. And almost made it to No.1. It was certainly on the radio A LOT. The Lover set is also the opening act of the Eras tour, so this summer has certainly had some 2019 throwbacks. And remember how the Lover era started? With ME! Out now! on Lesbian Visibility Day, followed by the sunshine and rainbows parade that was the mv and (as we later learned from the documentary) 'Cats, unicorns and gay pride... things that make me ME.' And now, in October 2023, Taylor released a live version of Cruel Summer and used the very photo from the 2019 shoot as a cover for the single. And not only was that a 2019 photo shoot, it was the last photo she posted on her instagram in June 2019 before she was meant to wear the dress at NYC Pride. I think she captioned it something like 'calm before the storm'. And now that photo has made a comeback. If I were a betting woman...(and I've learned better than to ever make predictions when it comes to Miss Taylor Swift these days) but if I were I'd say it looks like she's taking another run at this. Meet ME at midnight...and then follow me into the daylight. ☀

And one more thing before I conclude this monstrosity of an essay, I found Taylornation's post for the midnights anniversary last week a bit mysterious:

It says 'Tonight we celebrate an album written by the one that could make us stay. After all the sleepless nights and friendship bracelets we've shared, we hope you know you're never really on your own, kid.' Sounds a bit like a pep talk (and a plea at the same time) to me. Why do the fans need reminding of the good times and be asked to stay? Where would they go and why?? And the first picture in the carousel is our girl 'home Taylor' from the Anti Hero mv, looking contemplative, maybe waiting for someone to come and finally let her out of that house. And the photo immediately after it is Taylor as we know her, smiling for photos with her fans at the movie premier. The two Taylors again...but one is in black and white and the other is in screaming colour 😉iykyk.

#taylor swift #gaylor #1989 tv #midnights album #midnights to daylight theory #stonewall and glaad know something we don't

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lemonhemlock · 6 months ago

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what are your thoughts on the madonna-whore complex allegations constantly lobbed at criston from rhaenicent and rhaenyra stans alike. because i dont see it at all. also a lot of them don't even seem to be using the madonna-whore complex correctly. it's supposed to be in regard to men in relationships with woman that lose sexual arousal for these women when they see them in more domestic, motherly, etc. light. the fandom is so collectively off base about this lmao.

yeah, i feel like criston's stuff is a bit more complicated, even just based on the information given in S1. in a way, you can say he grows to be attracted to the mother figure and repulsed by the whore figure, but he wasn't always like that. he himself said he had dalliances with girls before joining the kingsguard and he is very much attracted to the outgoing, spunky maiden rhaenyra, but there is also this tension with the quiet, introverted young alicent in his confession scene!

i'm not sure exactly how to word this, but criston strikes me as the type of man who is malleable, who doesn't have much in the way of plans or objectives. he lived a pretty aimless life before he is introduced on screen and joined the kingsguard as it was a prestigious institution which offered him structure and something to strive for. so, in a way, he replaced his haphazard youth with knightly ideals and gallantry. but, even this purposelessness - i wouldn't hold it above his head as a fault either. westerosi society just doesn't have the space for someone like him - the son of minor nobility, who probably doesn't have much in the way of inheritance. he can't exactly go out and "get a job" (the sources of wealth creation aren't very diversified) without it being considered a huge stepdown and humiliation and bringing shame on his family (the social stratification really might seem very alien to someone living in 2024). so, of course that in a society that values martial prowess (something he happens to be good at), he would be attracted to activities in the militaristic sphere.

and i don't mean to say that he is just amoral and doesn't have any principles either, i'm sure he would LIKE to be this perfect knight that embodies self-sacrifice and courage and selflessness, but, like many other westerosi institutions, the kingsguard is an oppressive one. it's NOT normal to impose abstinence on someone, it's NOT normal to not allow them to retire and make them live this frugal, unattached life, just trailing after royalty all day, standing for hours on end in rooms and hallways. so, of course, criston finds it difficult (i'm guessing a lot of the kingsguard members had similar feelings) and of course he "strays" (that's one way of putting it, bc we all remember the discussions on the non-consensual nature of that scene).

criston's existential crisis is very real and raw and a by-product of the westerosi feudal system - what IS a man like him supposed to do with his life? he thought he had found purpose in the kingsguard, but he found himself in a situation where he broke his vows, so he tries to reason that maybe his new purpose can be rhaenyra - his love for her, running away with her, marrying her, taking care of her etc. so it very much doesn't matter for him that she herself gave away her chastity before marriage (and could be thus labelled a "whore" by their society's standards). but when rhaenyra refuses him - it's like that quote from dostoevsky - “your worst sin is that you have destroyed and betrayed yourself for nothing.”

so, where i'm going with this is that criston has personal beef with rhaenyra. she behaved towards him in a careless way and discarded him without a second thought, whereas for him their affair was a huge, all-consuming thing. now, had rhaenyra went on and lived an exemplary life as a married woman, with no bastard children, he still probably would have hated her for what she did, but, i'm not sure, just based off S1 information, that he would still call her names

to go back to the madonna-whore axis, like you said, men who have that complex tend to view the "whore" as someone sexually appealing - whereas i think criston's disillusionment with rhaenyra has surpassed any attraction he had for her in the past. meanwhile, despite being a "mother" figure, alicent's life of quiet servitude has made her very attractive in his eyes. but! who is to say that rhaenyra couldn't have been more diplomatic and empathetic with him in handling their affair? had she put a bit more effort in, manipulated him into being her secret lover instead of harwin strong? sure, he could have refused, but had she played the woe-is-me card, the i-have-to-sacrifice-my-happiness-for-the-good-of-the-realm and convinced him that she wasn't going along with his oranges plan because she, too, had higher ideals she had to serve, i don't think he would have seen her in this unfavourable light (what if rhaenyra were a different person entirely LOL)

so, basically, what i mean to say is that, ultimately, rhaenyra treated criston in a nasty way and now he hates her, whereas alicent treated him with kindness and now he worships the ground she walks on. but what if the roles were reversed? what if alicent had been unpleasant to him and rhaenyra the compassionate one? would criston still be crowning king aegon? is this truly about a madonna-whore complex or about personal relationships, how you behave towards people and how those past grievances interact when it comes to securing someone's loyalty? everyone is more inclined to be indulgent towards their friends and to keep their side, even if they might not always be in the right. it's easier to go to bat for someone you like than for someone you don't! people can always rationalise their principles away in such situations and develop double-standards

#this is very convoluted idk how much of it makes sense #criston cole #anti rhaenyra targaryen #anyway who knows how they will develop criston's characterisation this season #watch this space #ask #anon

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the-dreamers-hotel · 2 months ago

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Transmasculine people are treated as boys, not men.

I’ve been noticing a lot of conversations in regards to the struggles that Transmascs specifically have on this platform. Frankly, it’s a refreshing thing to see as I so often see us ignored both by those who hate us and those who claim to be our allies.

Nothing prepares you for the jarring impact that going on T, presenting fully masculine, having surgery, going to the gym, entering male spaces permanently etc etc has on your relationships with others.

I use the phrase “humble beginnings” a lot in my real life conversations, it is a (mostly humorous) explanation that I do not disconnect my childhood from the identity I live as. I am, and always have been, a man. But I was raised, and experienced life as, a young girl – with all the experiences, good and evil, that comes with that. Many transmascs can sympathise with this, I’m sure.

Now, years into transition, so often I am met with disdain from female friends and family because of the mentality that as a man, I must adhere and promote patriarchy. There something so upsetting about being treated as a caricature of all evil men. Even more so when I see how I am invalidated in every other way.

“Welcome to being a man” because I complained about something simple.

But contrast this with a flippant comment on how you trust me with x, y, z because “its you”. Not as a show of my character and our relationship, but as a sign of how you view me – how you truly see me.

Some people can use your name and pronouns and even align their terminology with your gender all while their “he” really means “she”. It is easy to change language, much to many transphobe’s claims. You can convince yourself that’s what you mean, but if you don’t view someone as their identity – it is noticeable. This unfortunately affects all trans-people.

I am (apparently) toxically masculine, unaware of femme issues, a hater of x,y, z and entirely unable to like or understand feminine things and yet, cis people will treat me as lesser than a whole man in any given circumstance. I am too manly to relate or discuss issues that affect AFAB and Transfem people, but I am not too manly that they berate, infantilise or reduce me.

Transmasculine people are treated as boys, not men.

It is truly baffling to try and comprehend how the cisgender mind can erase and recreate gender identity for transmascs so easily. Ironically, and I’ll touch on this subject again in the future as I think about it constantly, trans people must face misogyny and transphobia constantly.

Transmascs are seen as fragile, small and a non-threat. This is rooted in misogyny, a view put on women for as long as we can remember identifying them. And even this is deeply transphobic as it invalidates our transition from AFAB to male or masculine.

While transfems suffer unimaginable horrors and terrorism, let us not forget that transmen must also be fought for. We all have to stand together against patriarchy and the ideologies it pushes.

Correct transphobia in all its forms. Transmisandry and transmisogyny go hand in hand and both must be violently and aggressively crushed.

Compassion & Comradery,

TDH.

#transgender #transmisandry #transmasc #you arent as slick as you think #queer #rant post #fuck transphobes #trans man #trans masculine #transandrophobia #The Dreamer's Hotel

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velvetvexations · 2 months ago

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I'm putting these asks in as text because my inbox is so packed rn lol. Love you Velvet Nation!

i swear to god cisfeminist spaces are the worst. a lesbian was asking why straight people have such bad sex (for the woman in the relationship, regarding the orgasm gap) and everyone jumped onto how testosterone is the reason for it (as in testosterone makes you want to orgasm in 3 minutes with no regard for extending sex outside of wanting to orgasm), even a trans woman saying the sex is so much better with oestrogen in her system. and me and a few other transmascs pointed out to this trans woman that it was probably because she was running on the wrong hormones, and any of us transmascs that dared to say we have extremely fulfilling sex that is infinitely better than the sex we had before we started T was absolutely shat on and berated for “speaking over women” even though we were just sharing our experiences, it’s just that those opinions went against the bioessentialism held deeply by the community

Yo, that's fucked? What the hell? Do people seriously earnestly not get how they come off here?

aside from OOP ignoring all of the black transmascs and other transmascs of colour in the discussion around transandrophobia (including a trans man of colour coining the term), i wonder if they believe we’re making up black transmascs because the transradfems i’ve seen so far have been overwhelmingly white. maybe because radfeminism is inherently racist or something… and their bible is written by a middle-class white woman with no perspective on transmisogynoir and this reflects upon a lot of the discussions of transmisogyny to this day…

Radical feminism is inherently Karenesque. They cross the street when they see the PoC transmascs they spend every waking hour slagging off approach on the sidewalk.

I just really want to chill and watch anime together with you some time, your taste is based as fuck

It sure is!

most bizarre thing i have seen today: a transradfem who clearly believes 100% closeted and non-passing transmascs have privilege over cis women but dancing around actually saying it because they know deep down it might get them backlash from the less radical transradfems

I don't even think it would.

I am still very "read another fucking author" at all the transfeminists who only ever quote Julia Serrano, but finding out she *also* hates the terms TMA/TME made my fucking week. Like, the transradfems' hero doesn't even agree with them!

A lot of them didn't even read Whipping Girl.

Can confirm male/female socialization is not actually a consistent thing because I was literally too autistic to internalize any gender roles, at least in relation to myself. Just. Never learned! Like water off a ducks back

High five!

Really if you take a character who presents as one gender and transition them some trans person is going to be mad about it cause they saw themselves in the original conception of the character. It's inevitable.

Yeah, that is the unfortunate truth of the matter.

That second paragraph is literally what terfs say about trans women. Turning that on trans men doesn't make you any more feminist it just makes you transphobic. (This is directed at the op of that post not you velvet)

Radical feminism is so fucking easy to recognize no matter how repackaged it is.

Racist feminism anon here: see this is the reason I feel like shit for having any critiques of feminism whatsoever. Like hashtag Not All Women obviously but literally these specific women aren't listening to marginalized men. We're not talking about whatever cis white able-bodied Elon Musk fan they think stands in for "men" in this situation. They put "valid concerns" in scare asterisks as though the very idea we have any is laughable. And no actually racism is not a "secondary manifestation" of misogyny and while transphobia stems from misogyny it shouldn't be treated as secondary for any trans person. How the fuck are we supposed to point out that white woman separatism leaves behind men who actually do suffer under patriarchy when it gets telephoned into "you stupid fucking bitch shut up I'll fucking kill you"

The point is making it so you can't.

BTW, I didn't get to edit it into the post before they blocked me, but they were reblogging Actual Nazi shit, like, the OP of the post was progressive but our dumbass here didn't notice that "if there was no hope their propaganda would be unnecessary" is (a) a popular Nazi thing and (b) added to the post by a literal Nazi.

It never does, they're fully removed from this plane of existence.

Note: At this point I kinna forgot I wasn't screenshotting these

<3 <3 <3 <3 <3

I can't believe someone who's BFFs with a tankie is a hypocrite.

You're the second person to apologize for using that format and it always makes me think of the clown-names drama every time.

#transandro phobia #trans radical feminism #racism #discourse

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emeldiir · 7 months ago

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Hello! I’ve been a bisexual sapphic for my entire life (save for the few times I thought I was a lesbian) and I am also transneutral and on Testosterone. I’ve been struggling to feel comfortable enough to ID as butch for a while because of online (twitter) discussions making it a “lesbian only term”. Do u have any advice that could help me both feel comfortable and explain to my friends how I feel? Thank you!

- 🪐

Twitter is an absolute hell hole of young queers refusing to read anything about queer history and assuming that they have monopoly on queer identity and discussion.

first things first, the people who deny bisexual people our queerness are the same people who parrot the talking points that bisexuals cannot be butch or femme. this is woefully ignorant of a good 80% of queer history.

lesbian bar culture is where butch and femme got popularized within the queer community, and during the 1930s through 50s, the lesbian community included anyone who would be sapphically identified today, anyone who was transgender (man, woman, nonbinary, agender) and anyone else who resonated with the community.

butch and femme were coined within the queer ballroom scene, and the labels were spearheaded by black and brown queer people of all orientations and gender identities. Ballroom culture has catagories such as ‘butch queen realness,’ ‘femme queen realness,’ ‘butch queen up in pumps,’ and many more.

the idea that butch and femme are lesbian only arose with polical lesbianism in the 1970s when political lesbains (some who were heterosexual woman attempting to practice their feminism through the lesbian identity) attempted to distance themselves from anything remotely connected to men. this included bisexual sapphics, trans men, and trans women.

The reason i always speak about the history of the butch/femme labels is that when discussing the nature of butch/femme, when being interrogated or harassed for using the identities as a non lesbian queer person, the most important thing for us to remember is that we are historic. we have existed for decades, and anyone who tries to deny our history has not listened to their queer elders, does not have a good grasp of queer theory, culture and history, and are so focused on pushing their own harmful narrative into queer spaces that they end up a danger to the community.

the people who say this sort of stuff are more focused on being bigoted towards bisexuals then doing any sort of research to back up their claims.

I hope this helped! I’m a little scatterbrained today so if you need more information you can look through the #ro talks about butch things tag on my blog, i’ve archived a whole lot about bisexual butches and femmes.

and just to reassure you a bit, I would be more then happy to share a space beside you, my fellow butch. we need more solidarity in this world, and you are more then butch enough to stand beside me. much love <3

#ro’s asks #queer #lgbtqia #butch #lgbtq #sapphic #bi butch #bi dyke #bisexuality #ro talks about butch things

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lackablazeical · 11 months ago

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💕🕊Chizu Miyamoto🕊💕

Specific trigger warnings -

Minor themes of transphobia (rare), Eldest Daughter Syndrome, emotional neglect, guilt

General info -

Chizu's birthday is October 5th. She is a Libra ♎️

Chizu's love language is Gifts.

Chizu is straight, she is attracted to non-women exclusively.

Chizu has moderate anxiety.

Personality traits -

People-pleasing, a doormat, occasionally stubborn, patient, caring, gentle, traditional, somewhat manipulative.

Chizu is a doormat with most, but she will be extremely stubborn and stand her ground with anyone she dislikes. Basically, she's stubborn when it matters.

Non confrontational, but passive aggressive. She will make snippy comments and use 'because I said so' as a justification for an instruction.

She is slightly manipulative, as she's learned how to plant the seeds of her own beliefs and wants without appearing like she's trying to start a fight.

Chizu is astoundingly patient. She is willing to put up with a lot, and it takes quite a bit to get her fed up. When she gets fed up is when her passive-aggression tends to come through.

Chizu doesn’t communicate her needs, and struggles to express emotions. Chizu is bad at accepting help for this same reason.

Important details -

Her beliefs -

Chizu’s element is air.

She feels a strong connection with birds, especially cranes, as well as wind.

If it's windy, Chizu will do things like allow her fur to air dry in said wind. She also keeps track of the direction the wind is blowing in.

Chizu carves her own wind chimes to pray at, as well as birdhouses or birdbaths.

Chizu collects bird feathers, feeds birds, and treats them with high praise and care. She helps assist tending any birds they keep on the Miyamoto estate.

Her beliefs about Usagi's death -

Chizu blamed herself heavily for Usagi's death, as she was unable to heal him in time and her reviving spell seemingly didn't work.

Chizu secretly kept a box of photos/items of Usagi's to save them from getting taken/destroyed. They are some of her most treasured items.

Her relationship to Raph -

Raph and Chizu are close friends.

Chizu likes that Raph is quite thoughtful, and admires his care for his family and love of the simple/small things in life.

They share interests in having deep discussions, as Chizu is patient and gives Raph the time and space he needs to properly mull over questions and think of a response. They also both enjoy tea parties.

Raph also adores how soft Chizu is, so Chizu often lets Raph stroke her ears or something similar when they are together. Chizu loves Raph snuggles!

Neither one of them are very social or high energy, and simply enjoy getting to be around eachother and relax in peaceful quiet.

They both bond over being oldest siblings, especially oldest siblings to accident prone brothers.

Fun facts -

Chizu’s favorite food is black bean buns, and her favorite drink is white tea.

Chizu likes woodcarving as well as jewelery making. She often makes little statues of her family.

She tends to be an enabler to her mother's bad behavior, as she doesn't want to 'start a fight' or make things worse.

She needs to be productive, and will always give herself a job or project to keep busy. She is insecure about not being needed.

Chizu enjoys drawing, but rarely has time to do so.

Chizu’s guilty pleasure is rom-coms.

Chizu smells like flowers.

Chizu loves makeup and doing her nails.

Chizu has fairly strong mystic magic, and she is able to cast spells both normally and through song.

Voice claim [Nicole Maines] -

Tags that include Chizu -

#addams! Chizu, #addams! Rizu, #addams! Miyamotos

#addams! tmnt au #addams! chizu #addams! miyamotos #addams! rizu

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cilil · 4 months ago

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Hi, I come to seek your wisdom: how does one start writing smut without instantly combusting from embarrassment? I have a few Ideas (Uinen/Ossë anyone?) I tried to write and, while the scenario works very well in my head, I forget what words are the moment I try to write it down and start feeling so awkward even if I’m alone. (Also I’m ace and never had sex in my life so… that’s not helpful)

Thank you for any advice you’d have, o wise one 🫶

Hi anon! Ossë and Uinen, huh? Sounds lovely!😁 Anyway I gave this some thought and hopefully came up with something helpful.

Get in the zone. Now this may sound a bit redundant since you already said you still have trouble if you're alone, but something worth figuring out in general for all sorts of writing is "how is writing comfortable for me", "how can I stay focused" and "how can I set myself up physically to give myself the best mental space". This is different for everyone. Most people will prefer to be alone, for starters. Then there are other "environmental factors" you could consider, to name a few examples:

Does sitting at a desk or a table maybe feel too "formal"? Would sitting on a couch or your bed be better? Or lounging/lying down/standing/walking?

Does the writing program and device you use vibe with you? Maybe writing on phone is too strenuous or writing on a laptop leads to this big empty sheet that makes it hard to start, especially with "trickier" things like smut?

Does having a drink or a snack distract you or would the chewing/drinking actually help you keep your thoughts in motion?

These are going to vary wildly between individuals and also between genres you write, but heightening your general comfort with writing and/or looking to make changes to adapt to smut writing in particular can help with your ability to do so.

Take notes. I know, this sounds very... unsexy, but hear me out. Writing a scene from beginning to end, even if you have the scenario in your head already, can be daunting and at least for me personally it helps a lot when I let the scene play out first, take some fairly basic notes and then use them alongside the scene I'm picturing to write it all out. It will also help if you prefer to write non-chronologically because then there's less of a mess to put together later.

Watch & read smut. While this is something you'd normally think is mainly for inspiration (which, as I understand, is not the problem here) it can also help with getting you into the mindset, the mood and overall more used to the material. Maybe there are a few fics you read that you liked and didn't make you feel awkward about engaging with smut? Maybe there's a hot piece of art that makes your fingers itch to write?

Since I'm already at it, a few words about porn: It can help a lot with visualizing scenes and thus also make them easier to write, but I want to acknowledge that a lot of porn is made for and catering specifically to allosexual straight cis men which can make it not as palpable or enjoyable for everyone who is, well, not that (women, non-binary, ace, lesbian, gay, etc etc). It would be nice if there was more for us and I'm certain some awesome creators and sex workers out there are working on it, but... you know. Just wanted to say it's not for everyone and that is very okay and understandable.

No experience? No problem. To briefly get this out of the way: Is having real life sexual experience helpful for writing smut? It can be. You can absolutely draw from your experience to describe certain acts or sensations or emotions. But will it make or break your smut fic? Absolutely not and no worries! Not to rain on anyone's parade, but a lot of real life sex can be bad, boring or just... super casual so it's not very useful as smut material.

If you feel like this is an issue, treat it like every other aspect of writing where you lack personal experience and do some research and/or talk to someone you trust and feel comfortable discussing the topic with to get their input. Let things you enjoyed elsewhere inspire you (see above) and especially in this case feel free to just trust your imagination because:

About Ainur sex. Conveniently, we're talking about two Ainur having sex here which essentially eliminates any sort of necessity to stay true to the standard human sexual experience. Whatever you imagine, it pretty much can't be wrong because who knows how two married angelic spirit beings have sex. Go with your imagination and don't worry about accuracy or describing every single detail; in general you are free to adapt your smut writing to your level of comfort (the spectrum goes from fade to black to every single gross and nasty detail being put on display). Don't let audience expectations pressure you into anything either - there will be someone out there who will enjoy your take and your style.

Words not wording. Another big pitfall of smut writing is the, let's say, naughty vocabulary. It can feel awkward, cringe or generally uncomfortable to use certain words (for example for genitalia) and then there's also the matter of choosing which one feels right and hopefully doesn't make readers cringe. While there's never one right and perfect answer to this question, I offer you this survey as a resource. In it, preferred vocabulary choices for various body parts and actions are shown. I hope it helps with the writing process!

Lastly: Let it cook. I don't know what the scene you had in mind entails so this bit may be redundant, but if you don't feel comfortable jumping right into the smutty part you can have a sort of "prelude" to it and yes, it can be as long as you want it to be. Maybe writing a bit of talking and cuddling or whatever else you have in mind first will ease you into the writing itself and make it easier to write the smut because you're already in flow state; but that too depends on what kind of writer you are in general.

Sorry for talking so much, I just wanted to cover as many bases as I thought of over the last few days and add as many points as I can so hopefully this helps you and maybe other people as well. Wishing you all the best and lots of fun with your writing!💙

#asks #on writing #on fanfiction #smut writing #writing advice

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weirdthoughtsandideas · 1 month ago

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Sami blood is a very important film. It portrays how we treated the sámi through history, about injustice, indoctrination, when you don't accept your own identity...

It's a film I recommend for everyone to watch. But I refuse to ever rewatch it.

The thing is, the things you'd be expected to get uncomfortable with, I didn't react as strongly to. For example, this scene

youtube

In this scene, the main character is getting examined for "race study". This is a dark spot in our history. There is an entire building in my hometown who used to be for race biology - they looked at sámi people, romani people, anyone that wasn't a white fullblood scandinavian, measured their heads, photographed them naked, to show how they were different, inferior.

This scene is uncomfortable, but it also feels like it's so far from reality from us now, as they don't do these race studies anymore.

But the scenes in this movie that really DOES hit for me. Scenes that... while the movie is set in the 1930s, feels like they could happen today.

When the main character Elle Marja is asked by some swedish girls if, since she's sámi, can't she joik for them? So Elle Marja does stand up and joik, and instead of people applauding, they just... laugh at her.

When Elle Marja has internalized all of the things the non-sámi have said, and starts to hate her own family, her own heritage, her own culture, because she only sees the prejudice cast upon them, and believes it to be correct.

When she stays at a boy's house, and his parents immediately are dismissive because they know she's sámi. The immediate prejudice and disgust because she's of "that kind", "she's not like us".

When Elle Marja is an adult and back for her sister's funeral. She hears some women talk about the sámi, and while they seem more "accepting" towards them in the modern age, this "acceptance" is only hidden through politeness. They still make passive aggressive comments like "but do they HAVE to take up so much space? They can have their scooters and reindeer, but they don't need to show off so much". It's a pretty powerful moment, realizing things aren't magically ok now just because people are more "accepting" as a society.

This film has been used for discussion twice in different uni classes I've taken. But I've only seen it once. Because you more or less only need to see it once, because it just has that impact. It's not a happy film, but it is important.

It focuses a lot specifically how the sámi were treated in Sweden - they were forced to go to schools where they were only allowed to speak swedish. This was to make them more "civilized". But they were only allowed to get educated to a certain degree. They could never become a swedish citizen. They're still sámi.

But these schools were very much active in Norway and in Finland too, where they were forced to learn the language to be "civilized", as well as also be active in the church, sing a lot of psalms and recite the bible.

And they did not teach us about it in school. In school, at least for me, we learned "the Sámi live up north and they have a form of song called joik." We did not learn about the race biology, the forced assimilation, the prejudice and the history of them. This movie tbh was when some schools actually started talking about it more. And I did not even see it until now in uni!

Anyway. I also recommend it to people who are not nordic, as it shows a part of our history that we don't often bring up, if at all.

#sami blood #Youtube

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kouhaiofcolor · 8 months ago

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"....When did we get to the point where natural hair is no longer associated with ...Black People? Black Women?"

Non blacks pls dni.

Have to amplify this woman's valid and articulate short on the relevance of this topic bc, whew smh, I have discussed the same thing here — and am both just as disturbed (and honestly? a little let down?) by Black Women letting go the equity we had in natural hair. Esp just to pick harmful maintenance/norms right back up. I do understand that we, as a race of women all by ourselves, have sooooooo many odds stacked against us regarding what we do with our hair and how we take care of it, but I cannot for the life of me understand what the purpose or benefit is supposed to be in returning to things that actually harm us disproportionately.

For good measure, she also spoke more directly and at length about this issue, it's toxically influential spaces and platforms — as well as the colorism, texturism and misogynoir in general at it's core. So glad I'm not the only Black Woman being transparent about how backwards the nhc/nhm is going.

youtube

#the nhm was not an All Women movement idc idc idc #it was for black women #not black-identifying women #not mixed women #not nbwoc #not white women #it was literally for black women #wtf happened fr?#there is NO presence now for type 4 hair in anything even parodized as nAtUrAl HaIr #it is so depressing sometimes #seeing how prevalently we're still wasting time money & energy on the same ol shit #genuinely want fucking better for us #came so far for what? to reach for the poison in the future anyhow?#like you have no idea how badly it makes me wanna grab & shake the living shit out of some of yall #& tell you how fucking beautiful you are #how beautiful your natural hair is. how valid you are regardless of what you do with it #like omfg im so tired of the stigmas about us #so tired of the stereotypes #so tired of the misogynoir ass preconceived notions about our hair that a lof of bw BEEN disproved #going back to perms isn't helping that cause tho #it's not helping little black girls feel esteemed about their appearance or hair texture #it's not helping us at all idgaf stop justifying this #black hair #natural hair #black women #black tumblr #black twitter #textured hair #misogynoir #non blacks dni

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sowhatnotcreative · 2 years ago

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I think we as radical feminists need to be mindful of the fact that many of the women we discuss were still a part of the second wave of feminism, and there are some parts that we should be and are rejecting/evolving away from/getting educated about.

Specifically, I believe we need to be more serious about not pairing up with men and not centering men in our lives. A lot of women and feminist thinkers have shown what that leads to, not only by texts but by living examples. Marrying a man is a choice left to the individual (of course, be reasonable people who are offended by this point), but it can never ever be a feminist or even safe choice for you or even your children. Stop marrying men!

Another important point is we need to be better at calling out and standing against homophobia and specifically lesbophobia. "Political lesbianism" is a homophobic name for something that is a core idea. Not dating/marrying/living with men is not and never will be lesbianism. Political celibacy, political non marriage, feministic single living, I'm not the greatest at naming, but the "political lesbianism" name needs to go. We have progressed too far to entertain homophobia in feminist spaces.

This is far from everything, I'm sure, just things I had on my mind. Please add if there are some other points you feel are vastly different and important between literature and theory that we use, and the radical feminism we try to grow and evolve "

#second wave feminism #radical feminism #radfem #political lesbianism is a homophobic name #political celibacy #stop centering males #homophobia in feminist theory #radfems pls interact

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a-doubleh-x · 8 months ago

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Angel Dust was my closet key (but not in the way you'd expect)

This one's gonna be a bit of a personal post, so bear with me.

For most of my life, I considered myself a pretty hetero guy. I felt attracted to women, I didn't feel attracted to men and I was mostly fine with that. However, around a couple years ago, when I was participating in Yuri Jam, I came across a little term called "biromantic" and something clicked for me.

In case you don't know, "biromantic" is a term that applies to a person who feels romantic attraction for both men and women. Back then I thought "Oh yeah, I guess I am that!", then I came out on twitter, no one cared about it and I moved on with my life.

At the time, I thought I did for attention and out of guilt for being a cisgendered heterosexual male, and to be fair, I think it's a valid expectation for most people to want *some* attention when you have something to say that's comparable to that. A part of me also felt like it wasn't a useful discovery, because 1: I know of no men who want to date other men in a purely romantic non-sexual way and 2: I've been single by choice for a while anyways.

But all of that changed when I first saw Angel Dust on the Amazon series.

I was like: "Oh my gosh" 😳 That guy has a very hot voice. I thought he was so confident, so assertive, every line he spouted made me melt into a giggling 6 year old. And then I was like: "Oh. I guess those feelings were valid. I'm in love with Angel Dust" 🥺💖

Now I just wanna gush a little because I just think Angel Dust is such a cool character. The way he's portrayed makes you think he's meant to be obnoxious, but to me he's so proud, so bold, so brave for being himself. The way he flirts with Husk with such assertiveness is so attractive to me. There's something so raw and geniune about it.

Another thing that blows my mind is that, even though we know this "confident" persona is meant to be façade and he only puts face as a coping mechanism, the fact that Angel is capable of putting that face is mind blowing to me. He's gone through one of the worst versions of Hell I can imagine, he's been used, humiliated and hurt, both physically and psychologically and yet he's still capable of putting on a smile.

Needless to say, I don't intend to glorify the stuggles of an abuse victim, what Angel goes through is an atrocity and it shouldn't happen to anyone in a fair world. But the fact that that's his reality and he still manages to struggle through the best way he can makes him such a badass to me.

I also feel obligated to mention his redemption arc. I think Angel was always a good person, he just needed to right space to grow. From the start, he seemed very sociable and empathetic, it's just that he was too jaded to care about others. I think taking care of Niffty and standing up to her in episode 6 just came naturally for him, there was no need for a very strict guidance, just some nurture.

He's such a sweetheart! His interactions with Charlie in episode 3 are also so cute. I could write a whole post about his relationship with Husk and I probably will. I think it's really cool that despite being so different, they find a way to meet in the middle and come out as better people from it.

I don't know what it is about him, but I watched Angel on the show and I was like "Oh yeah. I wanna smooch that spider man" 😚

It felt like a big relief, because until now I wasn't ever sure if these feelings were "real", or I was just a hetero who wanted to feel special and not hated in the social circles I usually frequent. That's a whole topic of discussion for another day, I know there's people who will argue that heteros can't be the victim of prejudice and I'm not interested in arguing about that today.

I just wanna say, I love you Angel Dust and thank you for opening my eyes. Now I can indulge in my occasional romantic attraction to men without feeling like a false gay wannabe.

Thank you for bearing with me for a very special post. I was a little sick this week, but I managed to find a moment to write it anyways. I'm still working on the next chapter of my fic, but hopefully I'll find a moment here and there to keep writing discussion posts here.

Stay tuned! 🕷💖🤍

#hazbin hotel #angel dust #character analysis #biromantic

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kharmii · 8 months ago

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all this hatred towards the jews nowadays honestly would make a certain Austrian artist really happy...

If only they knew how they went from the "oh so tolerant left" to the thing they claim they hate the most.

Honestly this is a prime example why I consider myself political homeless. There are several political parties where I live and there is something in each of them I stand for. But in recent years I've realized how much these radical people have made me overthink a lot of my left leaning views.

No political extreme is good and healthy for a country and it's the balance what makes things work. It's being open to discuss topics and hear out a side even if you don't disagree. It's being open to criticism and not get a temper tantrum just because things don't go your way or biological facts are brought up the table.

It is refreshing to see white people who are tired of being told how bad evil and horrible they are starting to fight back

It's refreshing to see women get up and fight against "trans" people and predators invading women only spaces with little to no conequences.

It's refreshing to see leftist media fail on all levels and how the racism and hatred is slowly but surely exposed.

Unlike almost 100 years ago there isn't just one source of media. Even if the official media is biased and controlled. There are enough individual people still able to expose the truth. And love him or hate him but thanks to the new owner of X the left no longer is able to drown out opposing voices on this platform. People are waking up and this to me feels like the first steps of this madness to end are being made.

honestly I really would love to like all posts of your views 100 times but I am too scared of the crazy people. But I do love what you do and I'll support you!

Thanks for these posts, anon!

We only have the two political parties here, and they seem to work together for the same bad ends on the federal level. On the local level, I support the more conservative one because they work to make life easier for normal working-class people, whereas the 'Party of the Little Guy' works for everybody but..

It's nice to have free X (Twitter) just so I can go on a post where a white person is getting their head stomped in by you know who and vent about the genocidal language of Critical Race Theory in our schools riling non-white races up. If a person goes on a news story on Yahoo or MSN, he/she will have their comment rejected automatically, as if they flag for 'CRT'. I'm surprised the many comments talking about racial issues get through.

Whenever there is a story about anything to do with trans on the mainstream internet, the comments will be turned off every time, and down votes are never shown. They have to know the majority of people think trans issues have gone too far, but they are still pushing this facade that the majority of people are okay with dudes in the ladies' rooms or men taking trophies and opportunities away from biological women in women's sports.

Radical leftists always like to make you think they are the majority, and that anybody who disagrees with them is some sort of weirdo. It's always the opposite. I stopped falling for peer pressure when I was harassed by the worst people who exist irl. We're talking about people who have openly wished for my death, and who have made jokes about how 'you can't make comedy like this up' when I was harassed by a committed stalker in front of them (many of them who encouraged him to stalk me in the first place). Peer pressure doesn't work because I don't consider dirty rotten low life scumbags my 'peers'.

Side note: Why do trans people write fan fiction about trans characters? -Like if a woman wants to be a man, then why not write yaoi about men? If being a man is the ideal, then why not write about an actual biological dude? Why write about a woman with mutilated genitals? It's like they know that a woman can never be a man and vice versa.

#3 time losers #leftist culture #transgender #the usual bullshit #critical race theory

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