#I WILL GRANT that is for a funny joke but there's lots of silly jokes they could have told of allen

[kerryweaverlesbian]

How come in the barbie movie none of the women get to do any violence. It's what I keep coming back to when i think about this movie. Allen throws a punch. The Kens do a dance sequence battle but they do also battle. If you have fights in the movie then why aren't women doing them. They didn't need Allen to psychically fight the Kens at the gate, but they did, which makes it stand out.

That and the complete lack of lesbians were really weird non-choices in this movie.

[freak-accident419]

Good Tidings

Josh Futturman x GN!Reader

Summary: You and Josh barely have any time to yourselves due time traveling nonstop, trying to save the fate of humanity. However, being at the Futturman’s Christmas dinner party granted you two a fair amount of time.

Word Count: 2.9k

Content: 18+ Smut, MDNI, gender neutral reader (no genitals specified, it’s just vague penetration), cockwarming, lots of fluff, takes place during Future Man S1E6 “A Blowjob Before Dying”, too much shitty sex jokes n puns (im sorry) (not), giddy+silly+sweet love making, you think you are sooo fucking funny, more goofy than serious/lustful, you two are very much in love, more plot (high ass dialogue) than porn tbh

(A/n: Merry Christmas to those who celebrate!! Hope you enjoy this muahahaha and thank you all for your recent support! First smut written on this account, so be gentle with me please !)

-

You, Tiger, Wolf, and Josh were at the Futturman household, schedule disrupted due to the reluctance of Josh’s parents. They insisted that you all join them for their small Christmas dinner party. You were all sat down at the dining table, as well as the neighbors, Josh’s Uncle Barry, and Diane’s friend, Wanda (who was especially invited to perhaps keep Barry at bay).

While Tiger was mostly impatient and displeased with every mindless convo and laughter, talk revolved around several topics like DNA kits or Wolf’s strangely fascinating culinary.

You sat beside your boyfriend, Josh, slightly nervous about the time you were wasting. Ever since you’ve been dragged into the whole ‘Biotic Wars is real’ and ‘kill or be killed’ shit, you and Josh have been dealing with the worst, unimaginable shit ever. With the two of your adrenaline wearing off, you gradually processed everything that’s happened the past few days since you were never given a break. Hence the hand holding under the table as you two would seek comfort from one another.

But you attempted to distract yourself from the deaths you’ve witnessed and the near-death experiences you’ve had to your best ability by indulging in every conversation.

“Gabe, honey, tell them about—about the recent fishing trip we went on,” Josh’s mother, Diane encouraged to her husband with her sweet, achingly kind voice. You had so much respect for Josh’s parents, so it was pretty easy for you all to hit it off well. They loved you. In fact, they were heavily relieved that Josh had finally found someone, let alone someone as amazing as you.

Gabe let out a hearty chuckle as he prepared himself to tell the table his story.

“So, a couple of days ago, Diane and I went on a small fishing trip. And I remembered an old trick back in the day that attracted a lot of trout,” he explained as you picked up your glass of wine, sipping some generously. Diane smiled at him with a nod as he continued. “One of the very efficient ways to go about fish bait is blowing worms.”

You choke on your wine, holding in a laugh, coughing a bit instead as Josh looks at you with a knowing smile. “I’m sorry, what?” You asked, trying not to grin too widely. Did you hear that right?

“Blowing worms,” Gabe repeated, getting a confined chuckle out of you and Josh. “You inflate the worms with air, which makes them float instead of having your bait be at the very bottom. It’s perfect, especially near the winter time. Worked like a charm.”

“Ohh,” you gasp in wonder. You chuckle to yourself before you spontaneously say, “Yeah, actually, I think I did do that a few times. Blew a-a worm.”

You looked at Josh, thinking you were being hilarious, but he looked at you with surprised eyes and parted lips of shock that slowly transitioned into a smile.

“Really?” Josh’s father expressed with intrigue. “I didn’t even know you fish. You have someone teach you that method, or—”

“Oh, no, Mr. Futturman, I,” you speak as you occasionally switch from looking at him to Josh. “I think it’s a very popular method. It’s a pretty natural instinct, you know? Blowing worms, that is.”

“Wow, really? Always thought it was an old-fashioned sort of thing.”

“Nah, far from old-fashioned, it’s almost contemptuous!”

You did pretty well at suppressing your laughter, because you sounded really earnest. Josh covered his mouth, amused by your subtle humor.

“Joshy, we didn’t know that Y/n likes fishing. We could’ve taken them on our trip. In fact, we could’ve all went,” Diane suggests as she looked at Josh and then you.

It was like everyone at the table was blind to your immature, yet humorous implication. Except, of course, your boyfriend.

“Oh, no worries, Mrs. Futturman,” you insisted kindly. “I don’t usually fish. Plus, blowing worms can be very exhausting.”

“Y/n—” Josh reacted, but interrupted himself with a suppressed laugh.

“You think so?” Mr. Futturman raised an eyebrow. “I just stick a syringe in them, inflate it, and bam, it’s all thick and ready to g—”

You and Josh burst out laughing, holding onto the table and each other. You swore there were slight tears coming out of your eyes as both of your faces were red. You felt overjoyed to feel happiness and delight for the first time ever since your involvement in the mission. And you felt even more glad that it was your boyfriend that you fooled around with.

“Sorry, sorry,” Josh says after his laughter died down as the entire table was confused. “I just—We just thought about a, um, moment when—Um… Actually, Y/n and I did go fishing once. Isn’t that—isn’t that right?”

You nod and go along with it, detaining your giggles.

“Well, anyways, we actually did that method, and yeah, you’re right, it works like a charm!” He exclaimed with joy as his parents smile at him with approval and pride.

“Bet the worm was pretty small, huh?” Tiger jumped in wittily, however, in a coldly nonchalant manner.

“And pathetic!” Wolf blurted.

“Hey, even if that might’ve been true—might’ve—it-it probably had a personality, you know?” He reckoned with a shrug, making you laugh again.

***

“You are—are fucking terrible, you know that?” Josh quickly muttered under his breath as you two continued to kiss each other deeply on his bed. “Those were my parents.”

“C’mon, baby, admit it, it was comedy gold,” you giggle, pressing your lips to his once more by tugging his black, skinny necktie towards you as you remained sitting on his lap.

The dinner party was still going on downstairs. After a long time of looking at each other longingly at the table, you two decided to excuse yourselves in order to “prepare gifts for Josh’s coworkers that he forgotten to wrap” in his room.

When you guys rushed in his room, you couldn’t take your hands off each other, immediately making out once the door was locked. However, you then had to close all his blinds before you met him back on the bed. This wasn’t new to you, none of it was. The soft, warm orange that his room’s light emitted strangely comforted you, as well as being back on his soft, spacey mattress.

Was it a good idea to leave Tiger and Wolf alone with Josh’s family and company? Probably not. But you’ve taught them enough shit. They tolerate Josh’s parents, so why not a few other guests as well? And you’ll only be gone for no longer than five minutes, you’d hoped.

You bring your hands to his pants, attempting to unbuckle his belt. “Shit—What the—What the fuck is this?” You grumble, Josh laughing at you as you struggle.

“I think it’s—” He giggled, bringing his own hands to his belt, trying to remove it, pulling. “I think it’s stuck.”

“What the shit?” You wheeze. “Fuckin’—Fuckin’ cock block!” You continue to mess with the belt, trying your best to unbuckle it.

“Wait, you—you’re almost there, you—”

“Oh my god! Holy shit! I got it!” You let out a surprised gasp, quickly unbuttoning and unzipping his pants right after.

“Oh shit! Flawless victory!” He exclaimed, making you stop in your tracks, looking back up at him.

“You did not just quote Mortal Kombat because I successfully unbuckled your belt,” you raise an eyebrow, nevertheless amused by his dorkiness.

“Maybe,” he answered smugly.

“You’re lucky I am in love with you, otherwise, I probably wouldn’t have let that slide,” you chuckle.

“Oh, come on. You’d love my video game references either way,” he insisted.

“I’m serious, Josh, the amount of things I’ve let slide because I love you is kind of crazy. Let me just say, I am so glad I met you after the ‘apple juice’ incident that Ray told me about.”

“Ray told you about that?”

“He told me a lot of things. Mostly the embarrassing things. I think he wanted to freak me out, you know? Always thought I was too good for you.”

You pulled his pants off, throwing it carelessly down on the floor. Your lips attached once more as he snickered as you then cupped his face with your warm hands. You look at your lover, his big, brown, desperate eyes looking at you with utmost adoration. “Well, jokes on him, he was entirely wrong. You are so good to me, you know that?”

He smiles at you softly, and you could sense how flustered he felt to hear that (the blushing patently gave it away). “You’re the one who’s been on my side since forever. Even when you got involved in all this shit that you didn’t even have to be in. You-You could’ve called me crazy, and-and broken up with me, but you believed me and stayed by my side, even knowing that things were gonna get dirty. And they did, get really dirty.” Rest in peace Janis and Carl? Or, rather, die, you evil perf-cocks? Eh, doesn’t fucking matter. “You’re so good for me, sometimes I can’t believe you’re even real.”

You giggle sweetly as you give him another kiss, a quiet smack caused by your lips deftly leaving his own to speak. “Well, I’m here and I’m real, and I’ll always be there for you, baby,” you reassure. You were perfect for him. Indefinitely.

He smiled blissfully. “I love you so much.”

You two made out passionately until you were laying under him, the lower halves of your bodies bare as you discarded the necessary clothes.

“Do you think your parents and everyone else knew about the worm thing or are they just that… I don’t know… clueless?” You asked endearingly under your breath as your fingers entangle in his soft, brown hair.

“Hmm. Possibly,” he reckons, raising his eyebrows as he thought about it. “That was still kind of evil of you, though.”

“Me, personally, I thought it was hilarious.”

“Blowing worms?”

“C’mon, your father set himself up for that.”

“Tiger called it small,” he muttered lamentably. “And Wolf said it was pathetic.”

“Jeez, whatever happened to personality?” You chuckle softly.

He sighed. “They still sort of called me out.”

“Shut up. It’s average, to say the least. Doesn’t matter either way, you’re enough.”

“But—”

“Josh, if it bothers you this much, then just prove them wrong right now,” you reply with a laugh.

“As in—?”

“Josh, c’mon, we don’t have time anyways. They’re expecting us any minute because of that shitty made-up story excuse. I love foreplay, dude, but I’m pretty sure we didn’t acknowledge the time at all. Quickies are definitely not our cup of tea. Y—” Your breath hitched as you felt his tip prod at your sensitive entrance. He gave you a soft, comforting kiss on the nose. You looked into each other’s eyes deeply, then your lips crashed into each other’s as the two of you stifled your moans once Josh finally thrusted in.

“Y-You know you’re p-perfect just the—mm—way you are, right?” You ask gently, wrapping your arms around his neck.

He smiled at this, kissing your lips once more, beginning to move. Your heart fluttered each second you felt him thrust in and out, slightly and satisfyingly stretching you. His hips moved quite skillfully, but also slightly clumsily, which was nonetheless admirable.

Your usual soft moans and gasps would be replaced by stifled grunts and sighs, due to the company downstairs. As much as you wanted the whole world to know that Josh Futturman was yours and only yours, you also had dignity—plus, it was his goddamn parents downstairs.

You giggled as you felt his nose against yours each rough kiss. “Y-You know, however, I think the only complaint I have about you is the fact that you hate Super Mario Bros.” You point out with a chuckle.

“Y/n, in my—agh—defense, it literally makes no sense. Like, why would there be pipes that are—”

“Okay, why rely solely on logic and rationality, hm, Futturman? I thought video games were all about escape. It’s all just harmless fun.”

“Yeah, well, I’m much more into games with thought-out plots and challenges,” he remarked, making you roll your eyes playfully. “Anyways, it pretty much just got ruined for me even more when Tracy at the video game store talked about Luigi having a very hairy, Italian cock.”

You raise an eyebrow.

“Baby, I love you. However, your goddamn dick is currently inside of me. Please do not talk about Luigi’s theoretic hairy penis.”

“Noted,” he assents, going back to kissing you passionately, while moving slowly inside of you, yet deeper with each thrust. You let out a quiet, pleasured gasp as you felt him fill you perfectly, his hands lovingly gripping your waist to keep you still.

Your eyes closed as you indulged in the feeling of his gentle thrusts, him peppering kisses on your neck, softly chuckling under his breath. He guessed he was still in disbelief that he had someone as amazing as you.

“I… I still can’t believe someone as perfect as you would ever go out with a loser like me,” he scoffed, pressing more kisses against your neck and jaw.

“Hey, seriously?” You frown, holding his face in your hands once more, stroking his cheeks with your thumbs. “You are… a lot of things, Josh. But a loser isn’t one of them. Okay? You are so kind and funny and caring and thoughtful a-and—m-mm—amazing i-in general.”

“I—Fuck. I—I don’t deserve you,” he panted.

“J-Jesus Christ, sh-shut your fuckin’ rathole. Yes you do, baby. You deserve me as much as I deserve you.”

It was becoming harder to focus on your words as you continued to feel an increased sensation and pleasure as his thrusts quicken and falter. You let out a small gasp as you tense things up by wrapping your legs around his waist to bring him in even deeper. You two had been speaking and giggling to each other constantly that you didn’t even notice the lewd, wet, slapping against the skin that came from each heavy thrust. Josh grabbed one of your hands, interlocking your fingers tightly on the mattress beside your head.

“J-Josh, I—” You begin breathlessly.

“I know, me too,” he grunts as soft, inaudible whimpers and whines leave his lips while the movement of his hips stuttered. His rhythm was becoming unsteady, but it was also increasing in speed. “I—Y/n, f-fuck, I’m c—”

“Sh-shit, baby, I—” You pant as you felt closer and closer over the edge, every mere feeling increasing your stimulation. You bring your hand to cover your mouth and suppress any loud moans as you finally released, the knot in your stomach undoing itself as you sigh afterwards once your hand left your mouth. Josh came exactly right after you as his hips jolted for the final time, spilling his warm, white seed inside of you, burying his face in your neck to muffle a high-pitched grunt and acute whines.

You two were breathing heavily, kissing each other’s lips softly and lovingly after you both came down from your high. You two never moved from your position, still fragile and sore. Josh caressed the side of your waist under your shirt, his head resting in your neck as you moved your hand to play with his hair, holding him in your arms.

“This is probably the only time we’ll have together alone before we have to continue with the damn mission,” you figured, tangling his strands of hair in between your fingers.

“It’s bullshit,” he mumbles, his thumb continuing to rub your waist.

“Enjoy the moment while we can?” You suggested with a small chuckle.

“Yeah, I guess,” he sighed dejectedly.

A beat.

“Hm,” you hum thoughtfully.

“Yeah?”

“Nothing, I just… I like it whenever you’re inside of me,” you comment softly. This was probably the most affectionately vulnerable and honest you have been with him. Your tone lacked any intention for humor or lust; you were genuine.

He lifted his head up from your neck. “Seriously?”

“I don’t know. It just feels right. You know, as if you were, like, made for me exactly,” you whispered lovesickly, looking down at his sweet, plump lips to his profound, gorgeous brown eyes. “I wanna stay like this a little longer. You’re so perfect for me. I love you so much.”

“I love you too,” he replied with a smile, kissing your lips soothingly.

Then suddenly,

“Futturman! L/n! Get out of there, we gotta go now! Operation Cameronium!” Tiger called from the other side of the door. “Goddamnit. The fucking—tiny man—baby thing—is, just, really starting to piss me off. Let’s go!”

You and Josh looked at each other for a while in silence before bursting out into laughter.

“We-we better go before she considers murdering little baby Wallace,” you suggest with a soft smile.

“Yeah… Wait. Do you really think—”

“No…” You answer before he could finish his sentence. “I know she seems all stoic on the outside, but I feel like the past few days, she changed a bit. Empathy-wise. Slightly, at the very least.” Josh nods.

“I’m really gonna miss this,” he sighs.

“Me too. But don’t worry, once we fix everything, we have all the time in the world together,” you assert.

“Okay,” he smiles sweetly, kissing your lips before slowly pulling out of you, leaving you to feel empty and slightly bummed.

The two of you, with your clothes back on and hair quickly fixed, you waltzed downstairs with no problem. Your hands had been interlocked, faces a bit flushed as you smile to yourselves.

“You two sure look happy,” Diane expresses joyfully. “You really got into the Christmas spirit, wrapping all those gifts upstairs, huh?”

You giggled under your breath. “Oh, yeah, definitely, Mrs. Futturman. Uh, very much so. I really love Christmas, you know? The gift wrapping Joshy and I did upstairs and, you know, all the Christmas traditions. ‘Specially, ‘specially the yule log.” You look at Josh with a knowing grin as he just listened in, suspecting nothing at all. “Really makes you feel warm inside, am I right?”

[machveil]

CoD Headcanon: Fashion Pt 2

my first Fashion post was legitimately what I think they’d wear day-to-day - let’s talk about gag fashion that they’d wear for shits and giggles! Simon “Ghost” Riley, John “Soap” MacTavish, Gary “Roach” Sanderson, Keegan Russ, König CW: some suggestive content

Simon “Ghost” Riley:

I’ll say it. my headcanons are correct - Simon has a good sense of humor when it comes to shitty skeleton themed clothes. it doesn’t matter if it isn’t funny to anyone else, if it gets a chuckle out of Simon he’ll buy it. he’s a sucker for skeletons, even outside of Ghost he enjoys a skeletal aesthetic. bad puns? terrible graphics? something that makes your eyes roll? it’ll be purchased and hung in his closet

again, I’m just correct, Simon is a proud munch. for as much crap as the 141 gives him for owning ridiculous prints, Simon will shrug them off. he doesn’t care, he knows what he likes and he might as well buy funny clothes about it. same with the bad skeleton prints, if Simon sees a print relating to being a munch he’s buying it. granted, it’s more at-home loungewear for him, but if someone asked him to wear it out he would at the drop of a hat

John “Soap” MacTavish:

I don’t think I need to explain the first shirt. we’ll all just nod our heads and agree, “Yeah, John owns that.”. moving on to the D&D shirt, we all agree Johnny is a nerd, right? and chaotic man that he is, why wouldn’t he buy this? he definitely wears this when he actually plays, calls it his ‘lucky shirt’ (he rolled one nat 20 the first time he wore it and he’s deemed it lucky)

okay, look, we all agree Johnny is freaky. we should all also know that he openly advertises he’s freaky. he has no shame, just a lopsided smile and joyful voice asking, “Hey, did you like my shirt?”. he’s so immature about it, stupid smile on his face as he laughs to himself. he definitely buys the 141 gag shirts as holiday gifts - he doesn’t fully expect them to wear them, he just gives them out to have a laugh

Gary “Roach” Sanderson:

I will say, with my whole heart, Roach still dresses how he does in my original post. even at home for the most part, it’s just been grandfathered in that that is his wardrobe. that said, Gary is still a silly guy - he has a handful of funny shirts as lounge and sleepwear. he doesn’t say anything about them, doesn’t crack jokes about them, he just appears in them

a lot of the goofy items he owns are for your enjoyment - I mean, he’s not the one that’s going to be consistently reading the print. he specifically bought the ‘Your Mom University’ sweater with the intent to make you groan and roll your eyes. he can be really endearing about them though, if you’re up for it, he’ll rock-paper-scissors you, winner picks a goofy shirt for the other to wear

Keegan Russ:

I’ll address the garlic bread shirt first, I suppose. you can’t tell me average man Keegan Russ, at home on leave, doesn’t have garlic bread in his freezer. I know his ass loves it, he just gives me that vibe. he’s the type of person to just have garlic bread on hand at home, he would eat that shit as a midnight snack. I saw this shirt and it just clicked that, yes, Keegan P. Russ is a slut for garlic bread

he’s petty. if you’ve read my Keegan Russ fics you know I write him as a petty asshole because that’s how he shows love and affection. he owns shirts printed with petty phrases on them because it gets a laugh out of him. if Keegan were to meet a teammates girlfriend for the first time you can’t tell me he wouldn’t be a dick and wear the first shirt. he’s straightforward and blunt, the second shirt is just true. I rest my case

König:

Horangi bought him the suggestive prints - König only wears these on leave, in his home, no plans on seeing anyone. does König think they’re funny? begrudgingly, yes, he does. the ‘Choking Hazard’ shirt makes him snort whenever he sees it, Horangi knows how to make him chuckle, he’ll admit that. König would rather be shot at than wear them in public though, he can already imagine the stares and whispers people would send his way

he did, however, buy the ‘good in bed’ and ‘existing’ shirts. I think he saw they were in his size, weren’t too baggy on him, and bought them on a whim. they’re definitely loungewear, but he’d hypothetically wear them around friends. they’re more so for him to chuckle at and go about his day. overall, he doesn’t own too many odd shirts, but the ones he does own are (mostly) meant to be worn at home

Honorable Mention - apples to all the CoD characters:

[tobiasdrake]

Okay, so I finally got around to watching Dragon Ball Super: Super Hero the other day, brought to you by the same people who came up with the name Super Saiyan God Super Saiyan.

Bulma's shameless, confident vanity continues to reinforce why she's the best character in Dragon Ball.

I need everyone to understand that this might actually be the funniest moment in the whole franchise. It's silly on its surface, but it's also steeped in Dragon Ball history. You can feel Piccolo dying inside, and there's a reason for that that goes much deeper than third-party embarrassment over Bulma's shallownness.

Bulma's cosmic butt-lift is a continuation of a gag from Broly (the good version). In that film, it was established that Bulma routinely uses the Dragon Balls to knock a few years off her age, for the sake of vanity. This was contrasted against Frieza's desire to use the Dragon Balls to add a couple inches to his height, for the sake of vanity.

Both of which are resurrections of the gag from the Red Ribbon Army arc, where Commander Red brought militant warlord violence to all corners of the world to claim the Dragon Balls for himself... so he could make himself taller. Using limitless cosmic power for petty and shallow reasons is a funny joke that Toriyama's fond of.

But this isn't just about the shallowness. It's about Piccolo. Or, more specifically, the other half of Piccolo that is Kami-sama. Dragon Ball is steeped in religious and mythological imagery, primarily Buddhist. A fantasy spin on it with a lot of fictional elements added, but there is a lot of genuine Japanese spirituality in there. Which is why God Almighty is now walking around as one half of Piccolo, with a substitute God ruling from his Temple in Heaven in his place.

During his reign, God gifted the Dragon Balls to mankind so that they would have a cosmic miracle they could turn to in times of great need. Shenron was meant as a great gesture of benevolence; The difficulty in summoning him is to serve as a particularly grueling trial, one that only the most determined and most worthy could fulfill.

However, that didn't exactly go to plan. Rather than a source of hope for the world, the Dragon Balls became objects of lust for its greediest and most corrupt. Near-limitless reality-shaping power to grant any miracle one could ask for, wasted on petty ambitions and selfish desires. God regretted ever making this cursed things.

When Piccolo killed Shenron and destroyed the Dragon Balls, God's response was basically, "Good riddance." The Dragon Balls were a mistake he could now take back. He had no intention of ever remaking them.

But then Goku defeated Piccolo. Goku ascended into Heaven to implore God to return the Dragon Balls to earth. Goku's pure innocence, his kindness, and his strength of character convinced God that there was good in the Dragon Balls. That they were worth remaking and returning to the mortal world below.

And now. Here he stands.

With this woman. The woman who utterly trivialized his great heavenly trial by inventing a handheld radar that beep-beeps all of the Dragon Balls' locations for you, allowing them to be easily collected in the span of a weekend excursion.

Watching her call upon his great reality-shaping miracle, so that she can get a butt-lift and slightly longer eyelashes.

While strongly insinuating that she does this every time the Dragon Balls regenerate. This is the legacy of his cosmic miracle.

Bulma is the greatest heretic in the history of fiction. That is why Piccolo is dying inside. This joke killed me. Almost as hard as Piccolo visibly wants to kill Bulma right now.

[alexiethymia]

In which Aoko meets Kaito?

Or someone who sure awfully looks a lot like him. What was it they said about karma again? Kaiao. Shinran. Here we go again.

sapphire & spade; Part of the shuffle the deck fic series; dcmk verse fics of rare encounters with the dcmk kids, while flirting loosely with canon. part character analysis, character interactions. much love for gosho’s couples.

Gong-gong

‘Oh no, Aoko’s going to be late!’

She breathes a panicked huff, still ruffling her hair to put it into some semblance of a nice chignon. Rather than anything elegant, she suspects that it probably resembled a bird’s nest. She tried to stem the tears she feels coming up. Aoko knew that this wasn’t like her, to be putting her hair up when she would just as comfortably let it flow loose. She remembered another time she acted like this �� during her supposed ‘date’, but she could be forgiven for her nerves then considering that she was trying to prove her best friend’s innocence (ha, funny that).

Anyway, just as it was then, today was a special occasion. And just as it was then, it had something to do with Kaito.

Speak of the devil and he shall appear. Just there looking effortlessly cool wearing a dark jacket and slacks as he checked the time, stood her best friend. She blows away a strand of her hair in frustration. Kaito’s hair was as messy as hers, but why was it that on him it looked windswept rather than like her chaotic mess? 

But her happiness overcomes her frustration and insecurity. It’s been a week since she saw Kaito last, something about taking time off work to guest star in a magic show in America. At least to herself, she can admit, she missed him. It was their anniversary – in more ways than one. Of when they met and many other new beginnings. He swore up and down it would be nothing like her near-disastrous birthday. He promised that he’d be there and on time. As the gong was about to strike twelve midnight, Aoko was as happy as she could remember ever feeling to see he kept his promise.

‘I swear, no more lies, Aoko.’

Except…

She slows to a stop in front of him.

“Aoko! Here you were making me promise to be on time, and you’re the one who was almost late. Good thing Cinderella didn’t turn into a pumpkin or anything like that,” he jokes with a wink. 

His smile could blind her.

At the mention of Cinderella, she remembers a magical transformation and the warmth of his arms. But Kaito had never been her prince charming, rather he was the magical wizard who always did his best to grant her wishes.

Did his best…

Smile straining, she greets him, “Good evening, Kudo-san.”

At his honestly confused face, Aoko could very well applaud him. She could see that he inherited his mother’s skill.

“What are you talking about, Aoko?”

She breathes in and tries her best to be patient. “Kaito couldn’t make it, huh? I’m sorry you got roped into that idiot’s silliness, Kudo-san.”

“No, really,” he says, brows furrowed and looking utterly penitent, “What’re you talking about, Aoko? I am Kaito.” And as if to prove each and every one of her doubts wrong, a blooming rose still wet with dew appears in front of her face.

She would love to believe him, she really would, but Aoko’s had enough practice – and disappointments – in her life.

“Ok then. Aoko believes you,” she could have melted at his relieved expression, “So you’ll accept Aoko’s welcome home kiss, won’t you?” She clasps her hands behind her back and stands on her tip toes to draw her lips to his, closer and closer she draws and feels his breath intermingling with hers.

Just as she thinks they’re about to touch, a high-pitched noise makes her head ring just before she feels the softness of feathers caress her lips.

“That idiot…” she hears in Kaito’s voice, or something close to it. She’s impressed by the subtle shift. When before it had been laced with mischievous laughter, now it was smooth and mildly apologetic, “I’m really sorry about this, Aoko-chan.”

A slight shift in posture, a hand smoothing over his hair, and just like magic, instead of her best friend, there stood in front of her, one famous metantei.

Shinichi knew he shouldn’t have given in to Kuroba.

‘C’mon, Kudo, you owe me. Haven’t I dressed up as you enough times to save your butt?’

‘Yeah,’ he had replied while rolling his eyes, ‘Almost as many times as it caused me trouble.’

‘Onegai,’ Kuroba had pleaded, palms together. ‘Won’t you do your favorite cousin a solid?’

‘You’re my only cousin.’

‘Seriously, Shinichi,’ And he had looked serious, rare as that was, ‘I want to make this special for Aoko. Just think of it as practice for our body-switching trick for my next show.’

Shinichi had been ready to fall for it, before he sighed sufferingly, ‘Again, when did I ever agree to join –‘

‘Plus, if you do this for me, I promise I’ll get you a free three-night stay at the Ritz Carlton in New York. I got complimentary passes since I’m doing a show there. Isn’t your and Ran’s anniversary coming up?’

Damn it.

At the thought of Ran’s overjoyed and wonderstruck face, he decided not to listen to his brain for once. But looking at Aoko-chan trying to keep her smile up and herself strong had Shinichi rethinking this whole thing. No matter how happy Ran might be to spend their anniversary in New York, he’s sure she’d just as well get mad at him for putting one of her girl friends through the wringer. Again, he thinks with feeling, ‘That idiot…’

‘Why did I agree to this again?’

‘That’s no mystery. You pretend like you don’t care, Shinichi, but of course you do. I still remember how ‘Conan-kun’ helped Takagi-keiji out, and Kyougyoku-san too. As much as you say otherwise, of course you’d worry about Kuroba-san.’

‘At least I’m not as bad as you with Hattori and Kazuha-chan.’

‘Don’t fool yourself, Shinichi’, Ran had said laughing sweetly at him, ‘We both know you’re worse.’

Well, he’d agree with worse things than being accused of caring about his troublemaking cousin the moment she laughed happily like that.

Subtly guiding the forlorn woman to sit on a nearby bench, Shinichi tries his best to cheer her up. “You look really nice tonight.” Shinichi meant it honestly. While Ran looked great in lavender and red (probably one of the reasons why it was his favorite color in the first place), he tended to favor blue for himself. Meanwhile, blue seemed to favor Aoko-chan. In her glittering sapphire dress and crystal pumps, she looked every bit a modern-day Cinderella. Or maybe it was the total opposite and it was that modern-day Lupin running out of time. Speaking of…

While he knew he had an overinflated ego at times, Shinichi would like to think he wasn’t as bad as his dad. While he wasn’t as good as Kuroba, he thinks he’s picked up some things from his mother.

‘Ha, everyone knows I’m the one who took after Yukiko-obaa san.’

‘…’

‘I’m telling kaa-san you said that.’

‘W-wait, I actually have a reason I can call her obaa-san now.’

‘Ha, as if that’ll stop her.’

At the very least, he shudders to think he was as bad as Hattori, so he can’t help but ask, “How could you tell?”

Aoko-chan still seemed blue but lifts up a corner of her mouth in reply, “Kaito doesn’t usually wear dark clothes.”

Remembering countless pre-heist preparations, Shinichi opens his mouth ready to object before Aoko interrupts, “Aoko knows what you’re going to say, Kudo-san. Kaito wears dark clothes when he wants to hide, but for something like this he wouldn’t be able to help but draw attention to himself. He’d wear white or something bright.” Or something colorful and loud. Thoughtlessly she reaches up to stroke the feathers of the dove which had comfortably made a home on her head. She gives up the hairstyle for a lost cause and gets lost in her thoughts.

Aoko had always hated the dark. It reminded her too much of the silence of an empty home. But Kaito was always loud and bright, sometimes blinding. Like a beacon she would always be drawn to him in a crowd and then she wouldn’t be alone anymore.

She decides to continue, “Also, remember what you said earlier,” she smiles wryly, “Kaito wouldn’t compliment what I was wearing. You’re too much of a gentleman, Kudo-san, it still shows. You didn’t call me ‘Ahouko’ even once.”

Shinichi’s sure Aoko-chan’s expression was mirrored by his own deadpan look. They really resembled Hattori and Kazuha-chan at times, for better or worse. He knew that every couple had their own quirks and expressions, but he couldn’t help but worry. Since he wouldn’t ever admit being worried for that menace, let’s just say he was worried about Aoko and leave it at that.

“Still,” Aoko says while fiddling with her fingers, “You almost had Aoko fooled. You did his trick exactly like he would have done it. Is that why Heart-chan is with you?”

He takes a split-second before answering to ask, “Heart-chan?”

Aoko nods like he’s supposed to get it, “Yeah, Hato-chan.”

Shinichi deadpans. Well what else could he expect from someone who loved his punny riddles? Rather, ‘Heart-chan’ was supposed to keep an eye on him, and anyway ‘this little gal knows you already’ before said dove had disappeared into his clothes. Shinichi doesn’t admit to being impressed especially when he could tell how the other man had done it within five seconds. “Something like that,” he answers instead.

Kuroba should be satisfied that she’d done her job, Shinichi thinks, remembering the aftertaste of feathers. And yet he also remembers that annoyingly high-pitched feedback. Grimacing, he thinks that he better be satisfied. At the very least Shinichi was grateful so he gives the dove a pat of his own.

Shinichi was no magician, but if Kuroba could play at being detective, then he could do no less. If they were two sides of the same coin then something like replicating a trick he’s cracked the mystery to was as simple as child’s play.

Still, he was a detective and eternally curious at heart, “So how?” He simply asks, trusting Aoko-chan to understand.

Aoko smiles, a bit brighter than before, “The rose would have been blue,” since it was a special occasion after all, “And,” here Aoko pauses feeling herself blush, “Kaito breathes differently, ifthatmakesanysense,” she exclaims in a rush. She peeks up at the older detective, almost feeling embarrassed at being judged. She can’t help it, Kudo-san and Ran-chan always seemed to her to be so sophisticated and mature, a steady and steadfast couple if anything, that she worried if she was still childish in comparison.

Rather than shocked though, Kudo-san looks like he understands. “I get it, Aoko-chan.” And he really did, she didn’t have to explain. He’d compared women to mysteries once (with time he can look back on it now and see it as a child’s frustration and fear at not being able to understand the heart of the one dearest to him), but they were incredible detectives too. He remembers being shocked that Ran could tell Kuroba wasn’t him (sometimes he might underestimate her too much, it’s a lesson he’s happy to keep relearning), and surmises that this must be something like it. No wonder, Kaitou Kid had always been so tight-lipped. The greatest danger to his identity hadn’t been him, but Nakamori, albeit a different Nakamori than everyone thought.

Aoko breathes in the cold night air. It would be midnight soon. “So what happened? Did he…start again?”

Aoko released a huge sigh of relief when Kudo-san shakes his head empathically, “Kuroba knows better than to break your heart like that,” at her snort, he grins, “Well at least he should know better because you’d be the first to haul him right to jail, with me and Hakuba right behind you. I’m sure Hattori wouldn’t want to be left out either.”

At her energetic response of ‘much better’, Shinichi smiles feeling happy that he managed to allay a bit of her worries.

“It’s just that…he could have told Aoko he couldn’t make it. He said no more lies after all.” She sighed.  

“Aoko doesn’t want to hold him back from doing what he loves. She knows how much he enjoys the stage and spotlight, but sometimes Aoko just enjoys the simple things. Just him being here is enough for Aoko. She wonders if she’s selfish for feeling this way,” she says while placing her chin on her palms, pouting.

Shinichi nods noncommittally. It’s not as if he doesn’t get it. Although it’s been years, his heart still twists at the memory of Ran bursting into tears after smiling so brightly. It wasn’t his place to say, ‘maybe he really had a good reason’ when excuses were just another kind of lie. ‘There was only one truth,’ right?

Even if he could understand Aoko’s pain, it also wasn’t his place to chastise Kuroba when he had been the same. Detective and thief, critic and performer, truth and lie - they were indeed two sides of the same coin because, unlike Hattori, unlike Hakuba, they made their home in that grey area in between.

One truth that he can be sure of though, enough that he can confidently tell Aoko is this, “At the very least, Aoko-chan, no matter what mischief that guy gets up to, he’ll always return home to you. If there’s anything he’d wish for the most, it would be your happiness.” For the man with a thousand faces who knew everyone and could become anyone, there was at least one person in the whole world who knew the person behind the mask absolutely and completely.

He hears a soft ‘thanks’ at the same time a small smile tentatively blooms on Aoko’s face.

3…

2..

1.

GONG

‘It’s showtime!’

Ok, that hadn’t been a whisper from the mic he was wearing on his collar. He’s sure he had been listening in through that nifty accessory Heart-chan was wearing from who knows where, and finally decided to make his entrance.

Geez, that guy sure liked to make people wait (Shinichi thinks he deserves to be purposefully obtuse for once. He’s made too many comparisons between them already).

At the wonderstruck expression on Aoko’s face at the multitude of blue fireworks scattered across the night sky above the clocktower, Shinichi hopes that she and he would think this was all worth it.

Ironic that he’d find himself here again, finally facing his rival after so many years after that first meeting that they had both forgotten, and in vastly different circumstances too. He has to admit though that he is relieved to find out that that once moonlighting thief had managed to protect what was important to him.

He watched with Aoko as a glider with a jet engine sky wrote the words, ‘Happy anniversary!’ (As he remembers free falling off a blimp, Shinichi thinks wryly that he finally managed to solve that problem.)

Unlike Aoko though, he didn’t shout a delighted gasp of surprise when a pillar of pink smoke and glitter suddenly puffed in between them.

“Kaito!”

No matter how many times she’d seen it happen, she would probably always react in wonder as if it was the first time. (Not for the first time for him when looking at Aoko, he is reminded of Ran’s reactions after every successful deduction. Well, the very first time wasn’t really the awed reaction he’d hoped for. Still, he treasured that moment).

Kuroba Kaito, Kaitou Kid, the world’s most daring magician appeared with a bang. He might have had thousands of fans (in both personas), but from the wide grin and manic energy he had now it seemed like he was performing for the entire world in the form of one person.

“What’s that supposed to be, Ahouko?” He says pointing to the ruffled mess left of Aoko’s hair when Heart-chan left to return to her rightful master. It was teasing but still all the fonder for it.

“Mou, don’t tease, Kaito. Not when you’re so late,”

“On the contrary, I’m right on time,” and with a snap of his fingers, Aoko’s hair transformed into the elegant chignon she’d be wrangling it into the whole night.

Hands in his pockets, Shinichi observed the other man dressed to the nines in a white and blue suit. He could be accused of cosplaying a very popular phantom thief except the shade of blue was slightly different, and instead matched the eyes of his lovely companion. “Dummy?”

He was referring the obvious decoy still writing above them, but as expected when Kaito drew closer and narrowed his eyes at him, he’d gotten the double meaning.

“I thought I might have had to ruin my cue and come in too early, but good thing you were here, huh?” Kaito scratched Heart-chan on the top of her feathered head for being such a good girl, before whirling to point at his near doppelganger, “And you! A great detective shouldn’t be trying to steal a phantom thief’s job. That was way too close a call! Don’t make me tell on you to Ran.”

Shinichi scoffs lightly. Now he understood what Hattori must have felt back then, and inspired, he just says with a smirk, “Let’s just say we’re even now.”

Kaito narrows his eyes further if that were even possible. “You hold onto a grudge for way too long.”

“Says you.”

"Wow," Aoko says awed, "Looking at the both of you side-by-side like this...it's like looking at a mirrored reflection!" 

"What're you talking about, Aoko? I'm obviously more good looking," Kaito boasts. "Anyway..."

Shinichi could tell he was planning something from how he was creeping closer but not even he could have expected being blindfolded with magic scarves.

“Oi, Kuroba!”

Kaito knew he probably should have just waited till Kudo left but he never could keep his cool around Aoko. In a whirlwind rush, he drew her in a dance position and finally stole her lips.

Could it be called stealing if they were his in the first place? He may have been a retired thief, and call him a hypocrite if you had to, but he would never let anyone steal this. He may have been forced to look for Pandora, but all the world’s jewels could not compare to this one precious sapphire.

The moment he saw her in her get-up, his heart stopped and he suddenly couldn’t sit still. It was a surreal experience watching her with ‘himself’ from the outside, and to still feel jealous even when it was his own plan.

Arghh, just call him a hypocrite and be done with it, because the moment of that near-kiss, his life suddenly flashed before his eyes and all those times he took Kudo’s place with Ran. He apologizes to the metantei in his mind. Man, even if he did use him as bait for his trigger-happy black organization, Kaito realizes that that little detective must have had so much patience with him to not just punt him to the moon for all the stunts he did back then. He suddenly shudders remembering that ominous flash of glasses that signaled an ass-kicking. On principle, he started staying away from glasses-wearing grade schoolers after that. Trauma ran deep after all.

But he felt everything settle into place the moment he felt Aoko melting into his arms. He thought he knew temptation when he had a chance to steal a first kiss back then, but he had been content to let Sleeping Beauty rest. And yet, even after biting the bullet (and the plush apple that was Aoko’s lips), temptation still continued its siren call every time he saw her.

He must have really missed her.  

A rude cough woke him up from his wonderful dream, as Aoko squeaked and hid behind him.

“I’m giving you three seconds, so the moment I remove this I better not see anything scarring.”

“You wish,” Kaito responds childishly.

As Shinichi sighed sufferingly and peeked from beneath the blindfold, he remarks, “Should I be thankful you didn’t use sleeping gas?”

Interlacing Aoko’s fingers with his own, he shoots his cousin a finger salute and jokes, “Could still be an option.”

“Just try it. I’d tranq you first,” he says, narrowing his eyes at him, “But, I don’t want to ruin Aoko-chan’s evening after she waited so long for you.”

“Pot,” Kaito points to him, then to himself, “Meet Kettle.”

Shinichi rolls his eyes, but didn’t say anything knowing he had a point. “So, any reason why you couldn’t just wait until I left?”

“Because,” Kaito says cheekily before turning to Aoko with a bright, blue rose suddenly in his hand, “I just wanted to show you how it’s done.” Aoko looked even more delighted with the sudden gift.

“Right, right,” he says playing along, as he ruffles his hair. “Well, I’m off. It’s an early day tomorrow, and knowing Ran she’s probably waiting up,” partly to hear any ‘juicy details’ in her own words. “You kids have fun now,” he says with a wave as he turned away from them.

“Oi, metantei!”

When Shinichi turns back, he sees Kaito look unexpectedly sheepish, “Thanks again for this.”

With a small smile, he just replies with a ‘Hai, hai,’ as he finally leaves them to enjoy their anniversary in peace. He’d heard from Ran who heard from Aoko-chan that it was the anniversary of when they met, as well as the anniversary of when the Kaitou Kid had finally given up his mantle and the exciting life of a phantom thief to confess to his best friend. Rumor had it than even when he had the entire female population’s attention, he had only ever and truly sought after the regard of one specific person. Perhaps it was some kind of karmic justice that it was also the same person who hated his guts, and would continue to do so as long as he was still stealing. And so he’d given up the gold to get the girl. Or so the rumor went.

It was a long day and he’s just about ready to snuggle with Ran in bed as he entertained her with the kind of story she’d love.

From the excited gasp he heard behind him, he’s sure Aoko-chan had finally seen what his quick gaze noticed as soon as Kuroba whipped up that rose – another blue rose nestled in its petals, or more accurately it was an asteria, a star sapphire inlaid in a white-gold setting fashioned after a rose. Miniature vines made up its small band. Shinichi’s pretty sure it would fit perfectly, even imagined Kuroba dressing up as Aoko-chan to make sure it really did fit.

Another thing he noticed, the slightly off-kitler English letter ‘H’. Everything else in the message had been lowercase. Shinichi knew Kuroba, whether he was Kaitou Kid or not, being the perfectionist he was, wouldn’t make a mistake like that. Maybe it wasn’t supposed to be an ‘H’ and he had to improvise. Shinichi couldn’t be sure, but it almost looked like it could have been an English letter ‘w’.

Aoko-chan might not get the implications right away. Diamonds were traditional after all (like his and Ran’s), but when had Kuroba ever been conventional?

Seeing that gem had brought back memories of a fallen emperor, a chain of red lights, a forced landing, and a heartfelt confession. As if Shinichi could ever forget. It could have been the same gem that he tried to steal back then.

“I promise I didn’t steal this one, Aoko. Really!”

Just maybe scoured the world for it, which was why he had been missing for a week in the guise of a show. He’d used his own legal (and extra-legal too) contacts in the police, and even Shinichi’s. In the end he’d even asked Sonoko, Momiji-san, old man Suzuki, and when he’d run out of billionaires to ask, his dad and mom. They might have heard something. Even Kuroba as much as it pained his pride to do it, asked his oyaji who had heard of news of the missing gem during his own escapades.

Maybe he wasn’t a detective, and no longer a thief, but Kuroba was still a master storyteller. A star fit perfectly with the moon. And what’s more…

Destiny, Hope, Faith. What they had encountered was a fake empress with a fake gem, but he thought the genuine article fit Aoko-chan perfectly. That true and utter - some would say blind – faith in him, the real him under the smoke and mirrors.

Maybe he had almost lost hope, but just like Pandora, he kept a little bit of it close to his heart. So long as she was there waiting for him and believing in him.  

And just like that, no matter how many obstacles there were of other’s and their own making, maybe it was just destiny for them to be. Together.

Or maybe, he laughs at himself, he was just the sentimental fool Ran said he was, to be comparing their situations.

They were alike, as much as he hated to admit it. Maybe blood really did run that deep. So, he can say that Kuroba could be as stupid as him sometimes. But at the same time, he knew that Kuroba knew how lucky he was to have her, after everything. And they could only be so lucky not to mess up again and end up having to let go.

Maybe his original plan was to make it into one spectacular show, but he’d always been good at improvising, and no magician worth his salt would leave a young woman’s wish unheard and not granted. And so, his original plans took a back seat, and he turned it into something private and just for them instead. Despite that, he can understand if Kuroba still needed his critic one more time, to have someone witness no matter what he decided, and to stop him from running away if needed.

But…

He takes one last look as soon as he’s far enough. Aoko-chan had her arms around him, tight as if she never wanted to let go as she admired the ring on her left finger over his shoulder. Kuroba looked caught off guard, bright red and blushing with no trace of a suave Phantom Thief on his face, just a man flustered in the embrace of the one he loved, before he held her back, equally as tight.

He doesn’t think he needs to worry about anything on that front. He’d once been a thief, and thieves tended to guard their treasures zealously.

And well, Shinichi thinks chuckling, if it was witnesses he needed, then witnesses he’d get. By tomorrow, everyone of their acquaintances would hear of the happy news, courtesy of Ran.

He’s sure to enjoy the chase.

‘Good luck, Kaitou Kid.’

[fountainpenguin]

Rewatching A New Wish - "Stanky Danky" & "Peace of Pizza"

SDLKFJSDKLFJS, I missed that the news channel refers to Dale as "Billionaire non-philanthropist."

I missed that Hazel actually did wish "people would stop being trash monsters," but Cosmo and Wanda only heard "I wish trash monster"... In my memories, she had a nightmare about a monster that they wished to life. This is funnier because I can't really blame Cosmo and Wanda for granting that.

I like when Danky opens his lid one eyeball at a time. Also ?? his elbow pads?? He's a living dumpster and he wears elbow pads... He's safe...

Also, I've watched Dale's presentation a bunch of times because I think it's silly when he hops backwards, or kneels to talk to someone (This is what I was watching again today when I decided to take more notes).

He has some REALLY fun body language, including finger guns. I like his big-armed gestures. He really puts on a show and I think that's hilarious since he doesn't love being in front of people. But I don't know what I expected considering that he likes to dance when he's by himself.

I like that his logo here is a combination of the D for his name and two stripes like a dollar sign... which is interesting, because the logo people have on their phones is a D-squared for his alliterative name.

We do know he's advertising Dimmazon "in partnership with Dimmadome Global," so they're probably separate logos.

And I enjoy his baby talk and finger guns when he's talking to Danky later. I think I already commented this in my first-watch liveblog, but I like how Dale lures Danky in with a dog toy?? It's a squeaky bone. I have a hard time imagining this man going to the pet store, but ??

I missed the fact that he brought TWO single-use helicopters to the park... something is very wrong with him...

As much as I joke about Dale's extreme amounts of trauma, I hope he talks to Vicky like this-

- when they finally cross paths again so we can see where that gets him.

On the one hand, I think it would be hilarious if he had a complete mental breakdown because he's extremely messed up. On the other... Now that he's an adult, can he TALK to her like that??

Assuming he didn't panic when he saw her again, I feel like this is the natural direction for his character: smug and rubbing his success in her face.

I have to assume she'd wreck him since she yelled in "Operation: Birthday Takeback" about her dislike for him (That he was lazy, but went on to be rich and successful and never gave her a cut). She's unhesitatingly mean to Crocker because she doesn't have to keep up appearances around him...

But it would be funny. Against all odds, Dale is not an easily frightened man. He works hard, plunges into the unknowns with his wild risk-taking, and he's the smuggest boy... but he also has meltdowns on the floor when he loses money. I like that.

- Huh. I wonder if Timmy would've grown up to be a lot like Dale if he didn't have Cosmo and Wanda. I mean, Vicky pushed him around too. - I was gonna make a joke about how I think Dale should be as obsessive over Timmy as he is Hazel, but... It IS Dale who got himself out of his torment, not Timmy, so I guess not.

??? Tina's running every position at the news studio.

SKLDFJSLDFJSD, wait, Dale has a lemon slice, but he specifically has PINK lemonade, which he probably did not have to make considering Vicky never sold any in "Nectar of Odds"....... oh my gosh.

?? That might be another drink, but even if it is, I'm pretty sure that's a lemon?

Dale drinking lemonade despite banning Dev from drinking lemonade is the biggest "Rules for thee, but not for me" plot twist of all time... Oh I HATE HIM /affectionate.

oh my gosh, wait...

It's a LIME.

??? Somehow that is exponentially funnier. Tell us how you really feel.

His drink is very possibly a Paloma cocktail, made from grapefruit, lime juice, and tequila (No lemonade required, can be pink, and isn't weird to drink with ice cubes).

I like how both Dale and Dev like to slam dunk trash... even in different episodes... They are Related and live in the Same House...

I don't think I've said it yet, but I appreciate how the Dimmadome tower seems to reach impossibly high into the sky for no reason, considering Dale's statue seems to be the only thing inside it and the statue isn't that tall. It's a brilliant parallel of Doug's hat.

I particularly think it's funny when you see it on maps or in the distance of some scenes. It's just... there.

Geez. Say what you will about Dale, but he's a very hard worker who pulls things together INCREDIBLY fast. I mean... logically, I know him being a super hard worker who gets sucked into projects is his whole thing and that's why he's not there for Dev, but... ?? Holy one-man PR and marketing team running around this episode, Catman.

Lastly... apparently Dale likes to take over Dev's lounge when he's looking at profit charts, because that's where he's sitting when he has a meltdown about his stock dropping 5 million dollars... I mean, I guess it's both of their lounge, but you get me. And here's his thinking expression because it's funny:

Every time I watch a Dale episode, he gives me huge "Fandom's special boy" energy and I don't look forward to leaving my spoiler-free zone and possibly finding out that is Not True... skldfj. Look at him. He clicks his finger guns and slam dunks and he's getting by on fragments of his soul. We get him for free.

Notes from "Peace of Pizza" I thought of when I went to fetch Dev's trash scene

This vampire at Versaille:

Strat and Oppy change expressions during flashbacks, but Closer's the same... I don't know what I expected.

So ?? I keep going back to this scene because... I swear that's the April Fool, Flappy Bob, and the Sandman... Maybe not Flappy, but the only other clowns I can think of are his parents and Bobo, and none of them fit this either and Flappy already had a cameo in "1500 Minutes of Fame," so they're very aware of him. I'm gonna check.

That's such an interesting choice of characters to use as models?? I don't have anything to say about it.

Hazel specifically wished for Dev to have "extra milk he could share" for kindness day. He ends up with two (Cosmo and Wanda), but he didn't even have one milk carton on his tray because he's lactose intolerant, so... he didn't pick one up to begin with.

And we KNOW that, because he's on the way to the trash can when people stop him to talk. Also, during the close-up you can see he didn't eat his broccoli or carrots and I think that's funny.

?? So, in my 'fic worldbuilding, people generally go along with wishes if they're affected by them unless something REALLY tips them off that something's completely wrong. I like the implication that Dev instantly went on guard because he was confused as to how he suddenly had milk.

Oppy only pretends to be sad when Dev turns to look at him... He is the Optimism Captain to his core...

Strat is once again putting his hand on Oppy's shoulder... they are brothers... he loves him...

why were they even allowed to run around the school and bother children... why was no one supervising the billionaire's kid and questioning the intentions of these mysterious adults hovering around him...

Stackable:

It is their natural state of being... Also, from a budget standpoint, identical triplets whose distinguishing feature is their eyes & who are based on peas so they're simple to design was a brilliant Season 1 move. I hope we see them again someday, though I'm completely fine with them being very rare appearances.

?? Hazel has Class 104 after Guzman's class ("Multiverse of Jenkins") and Dev has it after lunch, is that what I'm getting here?

That is a different design than the other Room 104... oh :'D I guess they only have the one sign model.

Y'know........ that WOULD be weird if Flappy was at that treaty in the flashback. That doesn't seem likely... but it stresses me out that the Pe-Az have a magical briefcase that can hold large items without harming them...

... because Flappy's briefcase ALSO does that. He keeps his clown stuff, dioramas, and employees in there. It's the world's worst conspiracy... The intergalactic diplomats, friends of the Pixies who are all about paperwork and neutrality and raised Flappy... I'm connecting the dots...

omg, do you think the Pe-Az are the reason Fairies and Anti-Fairies decide who gets the godkids with an annual bake-off? They do like their treats. That WOULD be fun to work with in my war & truce 'fics. Oppy: Everyone loves cake and brownies! Strat: Brother, the Fairy King literally just lost his castle and son. Isn't celebrating with treats a bit insensitive? Oppy: Listen, I have one job in this team and I'm going to do it. Their ancestors, anyway.

I don't think I said this in my first watch, but I really like Closer. He's fantastic. Shows up, selectively mute because he's saving his voice for when he needs to throw tantrums and asking the same question repeatedly to bug people, super thoughtful and well-prepared, considered the best at what he does, gets meme'd on by a 9-year-old iPad kid and loses everything. Flawless character.

He's one of my favorites in all New Wish. They all are; I love their dorky shorts and brotherhood.

I really like how Closer insists he'll be done with negotiations in "30 minutes or less" because his whole thing is pizza. But Dev broke this man in like, 20 seconds:

BROKEN HEART!!!

Also, Strat... <3 He's such a ping-pong ball of a person.

For some reason, it's funny to me their language is themed around arrows. That's brilliantly clever for a negotiating species; it kind of reminds me of how the Yugopotamian language is in swirls patterned after their exposed brains.

Also, Some Three Guys having the ability to simply "turn pizza off" for the entire world is such an insane plot set-up and I think they played it perfectly.

Oppy kicking up his leg & Closer's expressions:

Extremely funny to me that when I heard "pea pod aliens," I went on immediate defensive expecting "Invasion of the Body Snatchers" vibes, but they're just cute little guys who like treats and bribery. why do they dress Like That... The suits and ties, the teeny shorts, the white socks pulled high above black shoes... did they get picked on in school?

??? They're just one-offs, but they have so much character and they all have unique body language and speech patterns... love that for them. I want to write something for them. I have no clue what, but I think they deserve to be children negotiating on the playground or looking after one another.

Strat and Oppy I think I can get their vibe as children - the planner and the enthusiastic one - but little kid Closer would be interesting.

What's a good thing to negotiate over when you're a kid... Were they kiddos who made graphs and presentations while arguing over which TV channel to watch or who would bathe first, y'think?

I think "baby Pe-Az in the bathtub" is exactly the type of content people follow me for.

Wanda's face here cracks me up...

... and shout-out for Dev getting instantly weirded out with stranger danger when Cosmo pats him.

I love how when the O-pairs pick the Pe-Az up by their heads and put them down again, Closer's dizzy and he sways back and forth even though his brothers are fine... lmao. I guess people don't usually mess with him?

Also, when Dev switches from playing around to serious talk, all three Pe-Az instantly put their folded hands on the table. They are ready for a Meeting...

That is all.

[daz4i]

oh wait i did promise a full dazai and nikolai comparison post didn’t i. time to deliver. no keep reading button, we’re clogging everyone’s dashboards like men. enjoy

clowning

so. i doubt i need to elaborate much on nikolai’s clowning - it’s very plainly put in the text, he along with other characters constantly call him a clown, and he obviously takes on a clown persona.

nikolai’s method of clowning is to take it to the extreme - everything he says sounds like a joke or pure nonsense, making you doubt everything that comes out of his mouth immediately, even when he’s saying the truth.

dazai’s is only slightly more subtle. i’m basing this on no longer human, given that so much of his character is based on yozo. dazai puts on a mask of a carefree, funny, lazy guy, especially to the agency, just like yozo does

his method of clowning is to seem genuine. pepper in just enough truth to make others believe him. seem reliable enough to make others trust him. but never showing his full self, so you should doubt everything he says

ultimately, the same outcome, done with different methods

so, we all agree they both do it. now, let’s analyze why. dazai’s is more obvious imo, so let’s start with him. 

with the agency specifically, it makes sense, gotta appear nonthreatening n all, seem like a normal guy with absolutely no past in the mafia (at least at first). i’d also say it can be used to make his enemies underestimate him - no one expects the goofy silly guy to pull a knife on them, after all, and you definitely don’t expect him to be a mastermind.

on a deeper level, if we go back to the yozo train of thought, it’s also to protect himself. no one can leave you, hurt the deeper parts of your soul, attack you personally if they can’t figure out who you are. no one can get close enough to matter to you then get taken away, the way oda was.

nikolai’s reasoning is less grounded in canon or external works (that i know of), so feel free to disagree with that part (with any part of this post tbh.) but in my interpretation, he does it for multiple reasons:

same as dazai, not letting anyone close enough to get him to care. nikolai sees bonds as something chaining him down - he cares about fyodor and sees him as a friend, and that’s why he wants to kill him. if you see him, he will care about you, and he can’t have that. better to have the self inflicted cage of a mask than have the key in someone else’s hands, if you wanna be poetic about it.

chaos! a lot of what nikolai does is to subvert expectations, be illogical, to prove the existence of his free will. nothing more chaotic than a clown

to contrast dazai, rather than make his enemies underestimate him, nikolai’s intention is to make his teammates underestimate him. he’s trying to throw their suspicions off him - oh, he defied the plan fyodor set up? well, can’t blame him, he always does silly shit like that. look how crazy that guy is, obviously he can’t follow orders - so he can freely do what he wants and only have them catch up way later.

already, we see a lot of similarities, as well as opposites-within-the-same-action. let’s continue

death

tldr: both are supposedly willing to die, yet still avoid death.

dazai sure managed to survive a lot of suicide attempts, huh! weird how all of his on screen attempts - especially since oda’s death - have been using methods that are easily to survive, like drowning. that’s so strange guys i wonder why’s that (psst i wrote a whole post just about that already)

and nikolai sure did give a dramatic speech about how dying will set him free, very convincing! weird that he faked his death, then. hmmm.

granted, nikolai’s speech might’ve been The Page’s work, but tbf it does align with his views on this topic so i’d like to believe there was some truth there, just like there’s some truth in dazai’s suicide attempts - yes, they want to die, but... there’s more to be done first.

both of them seem to hold a high value in the act of dying, and both see it as being set free. both feel trapped in their own life - nikolai outright says so, that he feels caged inside his own head, and if you dig into dazai’s character song you see him describe life as a “never-ending today”. both see death as salvation from their situation, but won’t get down to achieving it.

this is actually a good place to transition to our next topic,

meaning

since i mentioned dazai’s character song, one thing he seems to focus on there is looking for meaning, or rather being frustrated that he hasn’t found one yet (he also brings up this internal conflict in the dark era, but the song solidifies it as relevant even in his current state). dazai tries so hard to find meaning, but can’t.

nikolai’s fixation on free will, i’d argue, is not quite a search for meaning, but rather a struggle to prove there is no greater meaning in life, in order to ease his own guilt. none of his murders matter at the end of the day... right? then why does he still feel this way?

ironically, both can find meaning in their bonds - dazai has many at this point, with oda being the main one he might’ve found meaning in before, and nikolai has fyodor - but this is scary. they’re not used to having meaning, to caring. and so we circle back to the clowning, to pushing people away, to wanting to kill fyodor, to the comfort and familiarity of no meaning. 

guilt

like onions and ogres, clowns have layers. bear with me here.

on the surface, you’d expect them both to feel guilt for their horrendous acts. peel a layer, and it seems neither of them particularly does, otherwise they would stop doing it, you’d assume. peel back another layer, and... honestly, i think they do, but are just repressing it.

this is smth i get less from the text and more from their real life counterparts, tbh. going back to the yozo comparisons, he does outright say “i’ve lived a life filled with guilt” which. is very fair to expect to hear from our dazai. meanwhile the real life gogol straight up died because of his guilt. i don’t think asagiri would overlook stuff like that when turning them into characters.

nikolai also does outright tell atsushi he feels guilty for the atrocities he committed - though, pretends he didn’t mean it immediately after, putting back one of those layers we tried to peel.

going back to dazai’s song, it’s the “the tainted past, too, begone!” line that i feel is nodding to it. dazai obviously knows the things he’s done while in the mafia are wrong, seems like he knew while being in the mafia as well given his conversations with oda during the dark era. but this really does make it seem like he regrets it, imo.

they’re both repressing their guilt for the same reason they won’t die. there’s more important shit going on. dazai outright tells atsushi that wallowing in guilt is pointless, and we see him move forward and execute plans even if he’s still feeling guilty throughout, and even when he needs to do some dirty work to make them happen. nikolai is the same in that regard - he’s just hyperfocused on this goal of proving his free will, and guilt is another thing that’s keeping him caged, so he must break free from it. wallowing in it will simply be counterproductive.

sorry i gotta talk abt fyodor now

but it’s gonna be short i promise

so we’ve got this all knowing, unbeatable, super smart guy, right? anyway what if the only people we see outsmart him were 2 suicidal clowns. wouldn’t that be funny

so, it’s a bit tricky to call it “outsmarting” with dazai considering how their whole Thing is give and take that’s not going to end any time soon, but fyodor obviously views him as someone on his level so i’m counting that. he wouldn’t put this much effort into someone he didn’t think was less smart than him. and, he calls him a worthy chess opponent for a reason

nikolai did outsmart him, though. nikolai was supposed to die. nikolai wasn’t meant to survive the plan, let alone come to meursault and put fyodor in a death game when he could’ve escaped using the vampiric guard he planted in the prison instead. nikolai is throwing an unpredictable wrench in the plan of the guy who knows how everything is gonna turn out because humans are so predictable.

clearly they both affect him a lot, more than we see others have. both of them are the only ones so far we’ve seen get on the same level as fyodor

and, both of them are seen by fyodor. nikolai explicitly says fyodor is the only person who sees him, and dazai is seen because they are the same, on a certain level. fyodor understands them, which is why it’s even more impressive that they can outsmart him, imo

in conclusion

asagiri i am on my knees begging. make them interact properly please please please

fr tho, i’m curious if this means something. because this is a huge amount of similarities, especially when they’re not really related in any way and barely ever talked. does it mean anything?? how about nikolai being able to use his ability on dazai, does that mean anything????? asagiri please give me some answers i am asking so nicely

anyway. thank you for reading! lmk if i missed anything, or reblog with your own additions and analysis. if you disagree with anything i said, feel free to express that as well, just be respectful. hope i managed to infect you with my brainrot as well. have a great day :3!

[oddballwriter]

Hello, I'm not sure if you're still taking requests, but if you are, could you write headcanons about an influencer!reader x Moonboys? About how the relationship of Steven, Marc, and Jake would be with her. <3 <3 <3

꒦꒷꒦꒦꒷꒦꒷꒷꒦꒦꒷꒦꒦꒷꒦꒷꒷꒦꒦꒷꒦꒦꒷꒦꒷꒷꒦꒦꒷꒦꒦꒷꒦꒷꒷꒦

Warnings: Can't really think of any 

I’ll shut up now. Enjoy! And don’t be afraid to request.

꒦꒷꒦꒦꒷꒦꒷꒷꒦꒦꒷꒦꒦꒷꒦꒷꒷꒦꒦꒷꒦꒦꒷꒦꒷꒷꒦꒦꒷꒦꒦꒷꒦꒷꒷꒦

I can't think of anything for them. I think they'd respect it as long as you aren't annoying about it or while doing your work. But I do have it in my brain that your fanbase loves them, maybe even more than they love you.

I'm going to have them separate just because for some reason my brain just wants to have them separate for this. You can mix them together though.

Steven Grant

Steven is actually a little camera shy and tries to keep out of view so that he isn't in the way of any of your shots or photos, but if you want him to be in a photo he won't refuse

He does interact a couple times when he wanders into shot and says hi

Sometimes you'll be making a video or on live and he makes noise in the background. "Sorry for the background noise, Steven's reorganizing his shelves." "Hello! Sorry for the noise."

Your fans love him to bits they get so excited when they see him

He walks past while you're on live and the whole chat's saying "Steven!"

Some have made compilations like "Every time Steven comes on screen", "Clips of Steven that I Appreciate" or something

Marc Spector

Hates being on camera

He's not shy, he just doesn't want to be a part of it, which you respect. So he mostly just stays out of the shot.

You actually don't mention him either till some one asks if you're seeing anyone

There's sort of this joke amongst your fanbase about how they've never seen him

The most they get is his voice, some times his hand, and on an even rarer occasion maybe his body when he passes by. They have never seen his face

There are also compilations of content 'involving' Marc but it's more so for memes and they sound more like the titles of cryptid sighting videos.

They have silly titles like "Proof of Marc's Existence" and "Sightings of Marc"

Jake Lockley

Jake wanted to stay off camera and not be part of the whole content thing too at first but as things went on he sort of got into being a background thing in your videos and posts

He still wants to stay off camera for both his privacy and also because the mystery of it to your followers is kind of funny to him

Jake likes to tease you a lot and be a jackass, in a light hearted way

When you're trying to get a view shot of something for your socials, he'll make some type of stupid sound or say something dumb to get you to laugh

If you try to get a photo of your food he'll wait till you take your first picture and then go in with a spoon or fork or something

You keep that stuff in because your fans like it

Like the first photo is the one that's post worthy and the next is just the blurry photo of Jake's hand as he tries to take a piece out

And the same goes for any videos

Every time you're live he does something off camera to make you laugh

And of course there's a compilation titled "Jake annoying [Y/N]"

[zottower]

Little girls, great wizards

I really like Eiko in FF9. Some people find her annoying, and it's true that, just as Quina, she's used to write some very easy humor. Queena is about food jokes, and Eiko is about sassy little girl jokes. But if you're open to this kind of humor, she's just fine. I don't laugh to tears at those jokes, but it makes me smile. I like Eiko's over-the-top design, with cat-ear-like ribbon + purple hair + unicorn horn + cupid wings + little fairy flute as a weapon + little hopping victory dance + living with moogles. I like her funny crush on Zidane, her story with Mog, her bond with Garnet.

But I also like a lot that the game scenario brought back this silly idea of adding kids that are actually sometimes more competent than adults in the heroes team that was also a thing in FF4. First, Eiko is like Rydia, the last surviving caller knowing the traditions of her people, she's small and harmless child who can summon gods to make the earth shake if you threaten her !

She doesn't cry ! Crying is for babies !

She's like Polom, lecturing and picking on the little black mage (poor Vivi ... hu, it's deserved in Palom's case ...).

She boasts about her talents, just like Palom, when she opens a magic barrier to grant access to a sacred place (Mount Ordeals/ Iifia Tree). Fun thing, Rydia too is needed to open the gate of Mount Hobs, and this is Luca's necklace that is needed to open the sealed cave. Children seem to be the key to be allowed to go in forbidden sacred places …

And the hero entrusts his girlfriend to her, when Garnet looses her voice. That makes me think of this moment in FF4 when Cecil asks Rydia to take care of Rosa for the battle in Fabul, that's some goofy moment … Why ? She's a little girl ! True, Rydia and Eiko are very good wizards. But, is it a way to give a small task to a very energetic little girl to make her focus on something in a stressful time ? Is it because Rosa and Garnet are very emotional character who tend to be a bit reckless and need someone with good common sense to watch over them ? Maybe a bit of everything, but the child looking over the adult is a funny reversal of values. It goes a little further with Eiko who has to take care of big old Steiner, thought.

I really like the fact that the theme of the seven-years-old little girl being so important in the team is reused and expanded in FF9. In the end, Rydia and Eiko find parents to have maybe something looking like a regular childhood … Even if in Rydia's case, it's about living with Eons. And they become somehow both princesses ! Happy ending !

[officialgleamstar]

would anyone wanna hear my thoughts on how well suited grant would be for every single ranger subclass? yes? okay awesome because i already spent 20 minutes writing it all out on discord then realized i could post that on tumblr for attention

general notes: i am, lightly, in the camp that grant shouldn't be a ranger. i think fighter or rogue would have been just fine for a shooting build and would have made more sense, i really would have liked to see him as an artificer because that would be so cool, and i think just doing the critrole gunslinger handbook would have been the smartest move, even if it isnt quite made for snipers afaik. grant would have been a terrible gunslinger stats wise, assuming from what we've seen (he's mentioned as being the strongest kiddad in this episode which isn't optimized for gunslinger), but it still would have made more sense to me. also lark should have been a ranger. regardless! grant is the ranger, and rangers are one of my favorite classes in base d&d, so i am going to infodump now

Beast Master - Severely unlikely considering Grant isn't shown to have any animal companion. Also Linc would be furiously jealous. 0/10

Drakewarden - Also severely unlikely for the same reasons as above, but I think it would be really cool. Give Grant a dragon pleeease. Linc would still be furiously jealous though. 2/10

Fey Wanderer - Unlikely since it's more Wis/magic-focused than a traditional fighting ranger build. Grant is not a wisdom/charisma guy, he is a 'shoot people' guy. 0/10

Gloom Stalker - Not one of my top three, but one that I REALLY LIKE for Grant. The emphasis on ambushing and the idea of disappearing into the background fits snipers well, and I think the... edginess LOL just suits him. It would definitely set off his "I'm evil and terrible forever and nothing can change this" intrusive thoughts if he had magical blend-into-the-darkness powers. This is what I like to headcanon Lark as having generally, but I think if Grant is the ranger of the group, then it works for him really well. 7/10

Horizon Walker - This one is, if Lark was also a ranger, what I think Lark would be canonically. Once again, this means it also works for Grant. It's more likely to me than Gloom Stalker since Horizon Walker has a lot of focus on swapping planes, and that seems to be something that the kiddads put a LOT of focus on. It also deals heavy damage, which is fitting for Grant. I can see Anthony flavoring Distant Strike as a sniper shot purely based on the name then realizing his mistake later and pretending he was right anyways. (Additional note: This is what Taylor is, which I forgot until I googled it after writing this whole long post! Good job Freddie, I did not have faith in you to make that good of a decision (joke)) 8/10

Hunter - What is most likely because it is the most generic ranger. Anthony will never think about this as much as I do. It's also good for taking lots of damage, which doesn't make sense for a sniper but I think fits Grant's general vibe of being the toughest of the kiddads. 10/10

Monster Slayer - Just Hunter but without the flexibility. So once again, makes sense, and since it's suited for archery builds, that makes it even more fitting since it can even replace the Sharpshooter feat in some ways. 10/10

Swarmkeeper - Extremely unlikely but it would be so funny and also MADE FOR ME because this is my favorite ranger subclass. Come ooon Anthony, give my silly little guy a swarm of bees or something. 0/10

[mamaangiwine]

Hey about your post on the Barbie movie. Totally open to you still disagreeing and hearing why but as someone who saw the movie I just wanted to give perspective.

Obviously the consequences in Barbieland are just cute and funny but ultimately bad but I'm having a hard time seeing how comparing smallpox blankets (a tool of imperialism used to kill people) to infecting a place with patriarchy (another system of oppression that also kills people in real life) is a harmful metaphor.

I agree in a lot of ways the movie completely fails to actually address things like race and class to solely focus on sexism and it has been heavily criticized for being libfem. However, is it not analogous to compare two systems of oppression that obviously work differently but are both very bad?

I appreciate you reading my ask and hearing me out. I look forward to understanding your perspective better.

Thank you for being respectful.

So firstly, as you said the movie has been widely criticized for not touching on racism or classism- which is honestly something I expected. It's The Barbie Movie, after all. I wasn't expecting a particularly in depth exploration of that kind of intersectional feminism. No... Barbie's "intersectionality" lies in its optics. There is a trans Barbie, disabled Barbie, and various woc Barbies. Which begs the question- in a movie that wishes to show case its inclusivity and celebrate that inclusivity via the diversity of it's Barbies...in a movie that wishes to suggest "intersectionality" through the diversity of its Barbies...who then is missing in this film?

There were no Native Barbies.

Honestly, that's not unusual for me as a Native. I didn't expect to see Native Barbie. I don't expect to see Natives in much of anything that doesn't take place in "the old west" or some kind of historical drama (that is, if it isn't being written and/or made by Ndns). Up until recently, people didn't even question why we hardly got to play indigenous roles in films (Johnny Depp as Tonto comes to mind).

Which is why it's so sad that the only representation we get in a film that is trying to tout its "inclusivity" is a throw-away line that references our suffering and the genocide we endured...and are still feeling the effects of to this day.

Tragedy is not one for one. Oppression is not one for one either. I don't agree that small pox was a "tool" of imperialism. Small pox, once colonizers realized they could weaponize it, was a failed "means to an end". It was just genocide. Plain and simple. Also, "patriarchy" is a broad concept that affects multiple people differently (going back to intersectionality) whereas Native genocide only affects Natives. Including the imposition of western, white patriarchy on both Native women and men. If one is going to make comparisons, they need to be prepared to take responsibility for ALL of what that comparison implies.

Let's not forget though, this wasn't just a "comparison". This was a part of a joke. Granted the joke didn't center around smallpox, but it was still placed within an exchange of dialog in which, yes, they are discussing patriarchy, but still funny-silly-goofy things are happening. For one thing, even if you could make the argument that there is an analogy to be made, there is a time and place for things- and it certainly isn't in a comedy centering around two white actors.

There isnt an analogy to be made though. The truth is, this "joke" is apart of a long problematic history of white women (like Greta Gerwig) using the history of minorities as a means to compare their own oppression to atrocities that they were also historically complicit in. White men were not the only one who stood to gain from Native Genocide. It's also a way for white feminists to wiggle their way out of discussions of their own privelege and take accountability for a system that they benefit from.

I would like to posit a question here, if I may... Would you have felt comfortable with a reference about the Holocaust in the Barbie movie? Would you have felt comfortable with a reference about Jim Crow in the Barbie movie? Particularly refenced via a line that had no bearing to the plot or any real attatchment to a character's world view or identity? That could have gone unmissed from the final product as a whole? If the thought made you pause or cringe, that's understandable. That's how it should be.

Personally, I feel Greta Gerwig felt she could make this comparison because Natives are not always treated as a living group of people suffering under colonialism, racism, and patriarchy- it's for the same reasons we are only seen in movies set in the "old west"- we are often thought of as something from the past. As though we are already gone. This makes it so Ndns have to work especially hard for our voices to be heard sometimes, because the genocide we experienced wasn't just about exterminating us but convincing people we had already been exterminated.

For all these reasons, Native voices should be elevated, Native actors should be hired, and Native History should be respected.

[blakeswritingimagines]

Comforting You After A Bad Day

Lucifer: He will listen to his significant other with understanding and compassion, offering words of encouragement and practical solutions. He will remind him that everybody has bad days, and it's important to remember that things can always change for the best. Lucifer is a great listener and he will do his best to make sure you are feeling better. Lucifer does his best to offer hugs and comfort to you even if he is stiff about it, letting you know that he's there for you when you need him.

Mammon: When his precious human is having a bad day, he'll whisper in your ear, telling you how much he loves you. He won't ever leave you alone; he'll stay with you as long as you need him. You'll talk about what's bothering you and work through it together. He'll hold you close and give you lots of kisses and cuddles until you start to feel better. He'll do whatever he can to make you happy and comfort you in your time of need even if he still acts like he couldn't care less he's ready to fight if it's someone else who bothered you.

Leviathan: He would start by asking you if you wanted a hug or if he could offer to share some of his snacks with you. it always helps to know that people are there for you. then he would ask if you wanted to talk about your day maybe even watching a new series together, or what he could do to help you feel better. He'd try to just listen and make you feel like you were important. it's always important to make sure the people you care about feel heard and valued even if he doesn't always do that for his brothers.

Satan: At the first sign of a troubled brow or a hint of tension, He is quick to console you: "It's alright. I'm here." He wraps his arms around you and holds you close against his frame, nuzzles your neck, and whispers lightly into your ear, "I'm here for you." Satan's calm presence provides a sense of stability that reminds you that you are loved and supported even amidst chaos. He offers comfort and reassurance, ensuring his partner's needs are met and your feelings are validated. Satan is a source of peace in the midst of your storm regardless of being known for his anger.

Asmodeus: Asmo is a very physical person; he likes to snuggle and be close and to hold hands. He's also big on words of affirmation, so things like "You look fabulous, I love you" are important to him. When you are having a bad day, he'll take that time to be extra affectionate and attentive, reminding you of all the reasons you're loved. He'll also offer to make you run a relaxing bath and spa day well into the night after a long, tough day. Just anything he can do to make you feel safe and loved.

Beelzebub: Beel will wrap his arms around you and hug you tightly, giving you the warm embrace you need after a bad day. His love for you shines through most during these moments as he gives you comforting words and an assurance that everything will be okay. He is a safe haven at this moment, a haven of warmth and comfort. You can rest assured that he will be there every step of the way, in every moment of need and sadness, and that your love will endure beyond the darkest of days.

Belphie: He offers to do your favorite things with him without him saying anything or taking you to your favorite places, offers words of affirmation and encouragement, gives compliments, offers any food/drink you like, spends time alone with you, spends time in quiet/comforting/relaxing spots, and offer cuddles, hugs, and physical touch or even his favorite blanket and pillow granted you'll be sharing it with him but still the thought that counts.

Lord Diavolo: He knows no one can be happy all the time. So when you're feeling down, he'll always be here for you. He'll tell you how precious you are to him and remind you that you matter. He'll be here to help you through whatever you're going through or to cheer you up with silly jokes and funny stories. Your bad days are also his bad days because he cares about you and he wants to see you smile. So no matter what's going on, he's always here to help lift you up and comfort you when you need it most because you deserve nothing but the best and doesn't get back to work until you feel better as much as it bothers Barbatos and Lucifer.

Barbatos: His smile softens, and he reaches for you once his work is done, squeezing your hand with his own. “Let’s go for a walk,” he says, “Fresh air always refreshes me. How about you?” Barbatos always has been a dark cloudy and snarky person but with you, he's gentle and a ray of sunshine mainly just for you, offering support through kindness and warmth. His hugs make the world stop spinning for a moment, his hand holding tightly to your own as a reminder he's there for you and that you’re not alone.

Simeon: Well, first he'll sit down with you and listen. If you're feeling down or have had a tough day, you need to feel heard and supported. he likes to give physical affection as well, which can include things like hugs, back rubs, or other forms of touch, whatever feels the most soothing to you in the moment. It's important to him that you feel loved and appreciated, and that you know you have someone in your corner.

Solomon: First of all, he would ask what exactly was bad about your day. He would do this because you can't comfort someone if you don't know the full story, right? So he would get the full story, all the juicy details, and gossip about it with you if you felt like it Then, he would do a little analysis of the situation and figure out what he could do to help. Once he had a plan, he would put it into action he might do something like cook for you, or help you with a task you were struggling with.

[demigod-of-the-agni]

any cool desi books/media to recommend??

Okay to be fair I am not the biggest consumer of desi media HOWEVER. I have a few niche favourites (some of them come from my research for my Major Work in my final year in high school but here's a quick list):

The Namesake by Jhumpa Lahiri - god this entire book changed me fundamentally. It was like watching my own life play in fast-forward and getting hit in places I didn't want to be hit. if you are a first-generation desi in a western country, you will be on the ground sobbing

If You See Me, Don't Say Hi by Neel Patel - a collection of short stories that methodically break down some of the most subtle and pervasive stereotypes within desi cultures. I've only ever had time to read the first two stories but I'm hoping to get the full book someday

Unaccustomed Earth by Jhump Lahiri - an anthology I read for my senior year as well. Another one of this heart-wrenching pieces that just resonate with me like damn.

The Aru Shah series by Roshani Chokshi - it's Percy Jackson But Make It Desi and honestly such a fun read!! Reading about the Potatoes (this is what the reincarnated Pandavas call themselves not joking) is always bound to make my day

The Age of Kalki series by Vishwas Mudagal - I read this purely for inspiration on my own original novel, and it was fun to use for comparisons for research and my writing. Also, spy stuff and action and all that

The Spider-Man: India comics - hey, desi stuff is desi stuff, and I enjoy anything that has my boy Pavitr in it (I'll enjoy it even more when @/marvelentertainment hires me to write him a book)

The Ms. Marvel show and comics - in Iman Vellani we trust 🙏 also my girl has such a wonderful variety of comics like. she's so cool. i love her. hoping that Iman does a masterful job as she writes Kamala's newest comic

18 Days by Grant Morrison - listen. there is a 2015 graphic novel and there is a 2010 artbook for the 2015 book. They are both the same thing: a retelling of the Mahabharata but make it electronic/futuristic. Read the graphic novel for the story, but I HIGHLY HIGHLY recommend the 2010 artbook as well because my god the ART is just gorgeous. It obviously provides insight on the creation of Morrison's 2015 book but god it is just. so so sooooo good. Mukesh Singh is a beautiful artist I need to have his art tattooed on me

Any desi movies from the 90s-00s - my experience with tamil movies in that time period have always been good ones!! They're chill, they're funny, they're silly, they're romantic, they're thrilling. literally all of my favourite song come from this period (don't disregard movies from later periods either, I watched Brahmastra a few months back and it was lit as fuck).

English translations of popular desi stories - and these stories can be anything. from ye old prevailing Ramayana and Mahabharata to anything written by contemporary desi authors. They've got a lot to share

On a side note me complaining to my desi friends that I want good tamil representation in western media often led to me getting smacked in the face with Never Have I Ever (by my DESI friends! who say it is very good!!) and i just want to say no. don't watch that. as a tamil person living in a western country, i apologise for who Devi Vishwakumar is as a person. i will personally pay for your therapy (has only watched two episodes and was immediately turned off)

I'm giving y'all a whole day to ask me whatever

[bobauthorman]

Dragon Ball: First Arc Review

What is Dragon Ball?

Overall, it’s an action series with lots of muscular guys screaming, throwing huges blasts of energy, and changing their hairstyle at the drop of a hat.

But it wasn’t always thus.

When it first came out, Dragon Ball was a silly, satirical gag manga very loosely based on the Chinese novel, Xīyóu Jì / Journey to the West written by Wu Cheng'en. The manga was to the novel what Spaceballs was to Star Wars, a silly romp where the plot is nothing more than a vehicle to squeeze in as many jokes as one can squeeze in. Akira Toriyama had just finished up his famous gag-series Dr. Slump, and you can its influence in the art style and humor.

Now, I’d like to address this right now and get it out of the way. Dragon Ball’s first story arc has a lot of rather perverted moments that can be very unsettling for modern readers (As of this writing, year 2024). I can’t justify it, but after reading other series like Urusei Yatsura, I just assume that this sort of thing is what manga-ka thought was funny at the time. Luckily, DB has other things going for it than raunchy humor, with slapstick and even some decent (at the time of its writing) action sequences.

Don’t worry, I won’t bore you to tears or kill every joke by telling you why it’s funny. Instead, I’d like to take a look at the overall story and narrative function of its principle characters and maybe try and squeeze something meaningful out of it. However, I should warn that there will be SPOILERS.

The title refers to the seven mystical orbs that, when brought together, summon a dragon that will grant a wish. (Uh-DURR!) In truth, this ‘quest’ is just an excuse so our players can move from one setting to another, and from the beginning makes it clear just how irrelevant the wish is in the big scheme of things.

Our first and central character is Son Goku. The Monkey King of Dragon Ball, our story focuses on this jungle boy. Like Arale in Dr. Slump, Goku’s gimmick is his immense strength disproportionate to his childish exterior.

Another thing about him is that, in a cast full of perverts, he probably commits the most sexual harassment. 

Not because he’s like that, but he literally doesn’t know better. See, the little king grew up in an isolated area, at first with his adoptive grandfather, Son Gohan, then, when the old man died under “Mysterious Circumstances”, all by himself. The kid claims to be 14 (He’s not, as we learn in the next arc) but his emotional development probably stopped long ago. He knows objectively that there are these things called ‘wimmin’ and that they should be treated nicely, but clearly Gohan did not go into detail on the subject. Goku’s never seen any other person besides Gohan Sr., and curious monkey that he is, he pokes and prods whatever he doesn’t understand. And since the most crucial difference between men and women (For Goku) is what they have or don’t have under the belt. Fortunately, he stops this after Mt. Frypan as the story slowly becomes more serious.

Speaking of more serious subjects, I wanna talk about Goku’s more mental skills. Fans like to sleep on that Goku is an idiot, but it’s more nuanced than that. Goku is uneducated and clueless about societal norms, not to mention rather blunt and insensitive. But he’s not, y’know, stupid. We see him demonstrate a keen problem solving ability throughout the story. However, he’s not a long-term planner, something that is the dominion of… 

Our secondary protagonist, Bulma. In the original Japanese language, her name is written as Buluma, or rather Bloomer. If it were me, I’d change the position of the ‘u’ and call her Bluma to preserve the pun, but whatever. 

Bulma is the driving force of the story, as she’s the one seeking the Dragon Balls. She literally crashes into Goku’s idyllic wilderness lifestyle because he has one of the Dragon Balls she wants (his Grandpa’s momento), and manipulates him into joining her. Bulma is a self-professed genius, having invented the Dragon Radar, but this technical skill doesn’t show up in the story. It’s merely an excuse to justify how she can track down these lost ornaments, or why she has a drug that makes someone go potty on command. However, Bulma does demonstrate a forward-thinking attitude, such as her recruiting Goku and Oolong as she realizes the potential their abilities could serve her interests. She also comes up with the plan to track down and rescue Oolong’s kidnapped victims…which doesn’t pan out, but hey, she tried.

Here’s the thing, though. Bulma is also a horrible person. She’s a teen drama queen who thinks the world revolves around her. She literally refers to herself as the heroine of the quest, and that everyone should be honored to help in that. She tricks Goku into giving her his Dragon Ball, falsely claiming he’ll get it back after the wish, knowing that once they’re used the Dragon Balls will fly off to the ends of the Earth. However, she doesn’t get off easy for this attitude, as we see her suffer quite a bit of slapstick throughout the story.  As the only member of the cast with a mature female body, she unfortunately gets the brunt of the arc’s lewd-ness, though she finds a way to, uh, delegate this.

Which brings us to…this guy.

The Turtle Sage, Muten-Roshi. (Invincible Old Master)

You know this guy. In a fantasy story, there’s this old wizard the heroes stumble upon who will grant his magic in exchange for a trivial favor. Only, the favors aren’t quite so trivial to Bulma. But even without his lecherousness, Roshi is quite frankly a terrible wizard. Guy loses two out of three magical tools for no reason other than carelessness. Of course, the turtle rider does have credible martial arts skills, which only get a glimpse of during this arc. Beyond dispensing plot devices, Roshi helps plant the seed of the next step in Goku’s personal journey, offering training which will be the focal point for the second arc. However, Roshi has a very small role, albeit a crucial one for the current arc. 

But speaking of those with larger roles, let’s talk about Oolong.

Oolong’s DB’s first enemy-turned-ally, this piggy’s role is similar to Iago from Disney Aladdin franchise; a complainer who brings a rare form of common sense but is ignored by their more adventurous companions. Oolong never wanted to come along on Bulma’s search, and is kept in line at first by false promise of erotica, and later on by the aforementioned hair-trigger diarrhea. Oolong spends much of the journey endlessly whining and trying to convince the other members of the Dragon Team that what they’re doing is Dangerous and they should Turn Back. The only thing keeping him from turning on the duo is that they’re the only thing protecting him from real dangers. Dangers like…

Yamcha the Desert Bandit! (Dun Dun-duh!)

Every major manga has one. A rival. A smooth and suave foil to the roughneck hero. That’s Yamcha. He’s handsome. He’s skilled. He’s knowledgable. He’s…

...A complete and total dork. While Goku has no interest in girls besides a passing curiosity, Yamcha completely falls apart when around women. (Though, it should be noted that this only is around ones his age) However, Yamcha isn’t just Goku’s foil, but Bulma’s. They both can’t control themselves around the opposite sex, but while Yamcha runs away, Bulma eagerly chases any hot guy she sees. They both have shapeshifting sidekicks, but Oolong and Bulma are constantly arguing, Pu’ar has no identity beyond being Yamcha’s aide. Both are forward thinking, with Bulma’s aforementioned plans, and Yamcha deciding to follow Goku to steal the Balls once all are collected. And finally, both want the Balls for their love lives, but while Bulma wants a ‘magical dream boy conjured by the Dragon’, as Oolong put it, Yamcha just wants his fear of women gone so he could pursue a relationship.

On the subject, it should be noted that while Oolong, Yamcha & Pu’ar are active criminals, pretty much everyone in the first Ball Hunt are pretty selfish, with the exception being Goku, Chichi, and Sea Turtle. Even the girls Oolong abducted were more than happy to play along as the snotty little perv extorted their families. But that’s comedy, isn’t it? Selfish people doing horrible things to one another and we laugh because we know they sorta deserve it.

The Frypan Mountain mini-arc is where the story begins to shift. Before, any problem could be solved by pointing Goku at it and saying “Get ‘em”. The one time he lost to Yamcha, it was because his strength was nerfed by hunger. But Frypan is where we start getting problems that Goku simply can’t solve with his strength, such as the titular flaming mountain.

(Also, is there an unspoken rule that a Monkey King ripoff needs to deal with a peak on fire? No? Just me? All right then)

Anyway, Frypan plants four narrative seeds, three of which will come up at Castle Pilaf, and one that won’t be seen until years later, at the 23rd Tenka’ichi Budokai.

First off…THE KAMEHAMEHA! This iconic moment, when Roshi Hulks out and shoots a friggin’ Death Stay beam from his bare hands, would be a taste of what Dragon Ball would become further down the line. It also gives Goku what would become his signature attack, replacing the Fist of Rock-Paper-Scissors.

Second, the events of Frypan demonstrate the chink in Goku’s armor. For the entire story beforehand, Goku had been seen as an unstoppable force. But the revelation of his Achilles Tail puts a level of tension to Goku’s strength. Yamcha is watching, and now has a plausible way of beating the little monkey. But this is a bait-and-switch. Yamcha won’t be using this weakness to rob the Dragon Balls.

The third seed to be planted is Roshi’s offer of training to Goku. While it has no bearing on the plot now, it will give Goku a reason to separate from the gang at the end of the arc.

And finally, Chichi. With how Toriyama writes, I’m not sure if it was his intention to bring her back into the fold at any point. However, Toei clearly enjoyed the idea of Goku having a girlfriend and had her reappear in filler episodes. Nonetheless, I wanna talk about their, ah, engagement. A guy doing something inexplicably perverted and getting a girlfriend/betrothed is a cliche in anime, but it happening here makes a degree of sense. Chichi is established as being incredibly innocent, where she gets hot and bothered just at the idea of holding hands. So that she assumes being touched there means a marriage proposal.

That the fire on Frypan isn’t quelled by a magical plot device, but instead smothered by Muten-Roshi’s sheer strength (along with the rest of the mountain…) could be seen as an example of one of Dragon Ball’s themes that true victory is found within…or that Toriyama thought Roshi wiping out Ox-King’s castle was funny. Could be both.

The Carrot Master episode seems like pointless filler, even in the manga, but it serves a very crucial purpose, story-wise. It forces Yamcha, who’s been following the gang to steal the Dragon Balls at the last moment, to intervene and help Goku rescue Bulma from Boss Rabbit. In turn, this means that when Yamcha has to help the group reach Pilaf’s castle, they will be more inclined to accept his support (Well, Oolong will- Goku is too trusting and Bulma doesn’t care about anything but cozying up to a hot guy).

And now, we reach the long-awaited wish. The confrontation the Dragon Team has with the Pilaf Gang is culmination of the aforementioned seeds mentioned in the Frypan section, first and foremost being the Kamehameha Goku learned watching Roshi. Not big enough to help the entire out, but enough for the shapeshifters to escape Pilaf’s dungeon. 

Speaking of Oolong and Pu’ar, I’ve mentioned in my overview of Yamcha that the two are very different in how they respond to their human bosses.  Oolong can’t stand Bulma, but Pu’ar is overly dedicated to Yamcha. However, this difference turns out to be crucial in the climax of the Dragon Ball hunt; Pu’ar who has always relied on Yamcha to call the shots, cannot find a way to stop Pilaf. Oolong, however, who maintains an independent (If not cowardly and selfish) sense of self and thus manages to intervene.

Well, I suppose it’s fitting. Panties have played significant (Albeit lewd) role in the story. Granted, he probably should have wished for him and his friends to safety, as we immediately cut to the Dragon Team stuck inside an even more secure dungeon…that will cook them alive in the morning.

Now, we all know that Goku will see the full moon, turn into a giant monkey, but isn’t that a little contrived? Could it be that Toriyama wrote himself into a corner? While it is a bit of a asspull, it might not have had the same dramatic impact if there had been significant foreshadowing. Nothing kills a story’s tension than when you already know what’s going to happen.

However, as much as there was no indication that Goku could transform…there was no indication that he couldn’t.

In the second chapter, Goku admits that his ‘grandpa’ was just a kind stranger who took him in as a baby, having been apparently abandoned by his parents. No warnings about monsterness, and with all the other crazy stuff being shown in the Dragon World, but also plenty of blank spaces to squeeze in any shocking twist.

“But since Goku’s a Saiyan-“ SHADDUP! Goku’s not a Saiyan in this arc. Saiyans won’t even be considered until much, much, much further down the road. As in, probably a week before Raditz showed up.

ANYWAY, with Goku’s transformation into a berserker King Kong conveniently solves the problem with escaping Pilaf’s castle, but now there’s a much bigger problem. You thought Pilaf was the final boss? Nope! After being the major player throughout the story, we now have Son Goku as the last enemy to defeat. And who is going to save the day?!

And this is where our next plot seed sprouts. When Yamcha learned about Goku’s Achilles Tail, it was all but stated that he would exploit it. However, I doubt anyone was expecting that moment to happen during something like this. I don’t have any access to the original Japanese dialogue, save the anime version where Yamcha’s reasoning for cutting the tail off was ‘maybe it’ll knock him out’. But I suppose you couldn’t expect him to cling to that giant tail for the entire night?

Regardless, the final chapter is the denouncement, where everything caps off. Oolong makes the now-prophetic inquiry on whether or not Goku’s an alien (Again, this was just a one-off aside) while Bulma and Yamcha learn that the real wish was the friends they made along the way, giving Oolong indigestion. Good for him. At least he’s got his wish-panties. It’s a tired cliche, but not unwanted given all the slapstick and humiliation they’ve suffered maybe it’s good for all them to get something out this ordeal. Tragic that Bul-Cha only lasts until the Android Arc. That Bulma offers to take Goku with her and then gives him the Dragon Radar is sign that she’s developed some level of affection for the monkey boy.

Sources conflict on whether or not the manga was at risk of being cancelled around this time, or if Toriyama wanted to end the story here but was convinced to keep going. Either way, it makes sense that everyone gets something at the end gives this arc a good sense of closure, with Goku going to Muten-Roshi’s providing just enough open end-ness. 

Final thoughts? Overall, the first arc of Dragon Ball is a cute, humorous romp, even if you find its more lewd content unsettling. (Lord knows I do) But the pure imagination and rare moments of epic-ness are enticing enough that you can see why it kept going.

[panelshowsource]

thank you anon 🥹 i never take it for granted!

anon i don’t want to rub it in but it was SO good ㅜㅜ

i thought we were past shows about lockdown — and i don’t mean that in a shady way, i just figured that era of sets was over — but mulberry is strictly about the first through third lockdowns and his (failed) coping. (please forgive me if this next part doesn’t make sense—) have you ever been to the movies and even in a serious moment people laugh? for some reason that you just can’t deduce? maybe they’re embarrassed to be feeling touched or vulnerable in public or with their friends, so it’s an awkward chuckle or they mistakenly feel they need to clear the air? is that just me? i don’t think tim created too many of these touching, vulnerable moments, but there were a few raw lines about just how lonely and confusing the whole experience was between jokes, and i wonder how much the audience really absorbed the overall narrative and some of the more poignant admissions — because it was just so funny and his crowdwork was amazing. it was really so insight and interesting!

he subtly played with music, his props were few but so witty, he shouted and whispered, his poems were hilarious (and, actually, not as dirty as usual lol), he made friends, he hyped up jodie whittaker. it was a blast. ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️. he greeted everyone coming in and stayed afterward at the venue bar and chatted with everyone! i said, “thanks so much for visiting us, we love seeing you 🥹” and he went “no thank you for coming! 🥹” and i nodded and he nodded and i let him be. such a sweetheart! just like russell, you could just feel the pride radiating off of him living his dream in my city. that always means a lot to me 🥹

it’s been such a fun, insightful week between russell and tim! they both reminded me just how much substance can be found in a well-crafted standup routine; panel shows are pretty brainless, which is what i love about them and what makes them really necessary in my complex system of coping with this difficult world, but i loved seeing these silly people show me more ways to see the world, handle the world, connect with people, connect with myself. we all need to hear that stuff sometimes. very chuffed!!

[system-of-a-feather]

Honestly, I think people who don't have language issues / speech issues kinda assume that it is just learning words or making sentences that are the issue - and yeah! That can be part of it

But a lot of the time its a lot more complex than that because language is a lot more complex than that - it's just something that a lot of people with typically-developing language and speech skills take for granted because it comes naturally to them

I was thinking about a response I was trying to say to my fiance as a joke (verbally where we struggle a lot more than written) and had a very kind of funny in-hindsight language "glitch". I was going to use it as an example but I couldn't remember the exact contact and phrasing that made it made sense.

Everything from here is how my brain works and may not apply to all people with language / speech issues.

But often when speaking certain words cluster together into conceptual groupings and they together fall into general functions in sentence structure (adjective) (noun) or (action) (noun) or (pronoun) (noun) and they generate a specific concept and idea together that isn't always the same as when translated individually. Additionally, in my experience, chunks of phrases and semantically similar words (ie words that tend to frequently be used together) are easier to draw upon and tend to be pulled into my awareness / "speaking pool" better than individual words.

So "bite you" "bite me" and "bite that" are all actions of biting something in specific and they tend to register in a chunk and operate much like an independent word probably does to an individual without language / speech issues (I am assuming based on how my written language skills are because I usually have little impact on my writing ability)

Taking that into consideration of that with the fact that sometimes it is just hard to find the phrases I'm looking for and thus a common cheat sheet to getting around that is to use the phrasing of the other person if their words were 'close enough' to what I wanted to say, there are certain moments where something entirely different than what was MEANT to be said is actually spoken.

Again, I don't remember the exact details to make it make sense as an example with just the script but him and I were joking around. He made a joke that it is "his job to bite me" which is a play jab cause we bite him 5x more than the other way around. So I wanted to reply "Bitch no, it's MY job to bite YOU" - but I had issues pulling the words together

To say that I needed to state the subject, the action, and any necessary modifiers.

Modifier: "No" (disagreeing)

Subject: "Your job" "(unlabeled concept of me / mine / I)"

Action: "Bite me" (<-stolen from his original phrasing, "me" is taken because brain said I was missing a word that represents the concept of myself in relation to the sentence and "me" is one of those words that fills that + its conveniently already attached to another word)

So my brain put it together "No your job is to bite me"

Which when put next to what I was TRYING to say, is the exact opposite. And so unreliable speech moment which had us both laugh a bit because I just responded to him saying that it was his job to bite me with "no your job is to bite me" which is silly

And honestly unreliable speech takes more forms than this cause theres a lot of different types of unreliable speech errors and what not, but I did kind of want to breakdown one of them for people since I have the written language skills to do so.