#I WAS thinking this entire time how having a ton of people lacking memories is bound to cause trouble if theyre just let loose without

[dapperrokyuu]

ISLAND OF LOST MEMORIES...MAN.....

[damnfandomproblems]

Fandom Problem #6931:

I feel like there should be more "problematic" characters in fiction. we talk a whole lot about "problematic" ship dynamics or "problematic" themes

but we don't talk enough about the LACK of characters with flaws. with reprehensible morals and actions and you might be thinking " wdym? there's tons of that? there's so many villains." and yeah there are. but how many go beyond murder. be honest. how many are actually horrible people. most stories you see the villain is written with backstories to help the reader sympathize with the villain and understand why they are doing what they are doing. its still plenty obvious that said villain is in the wrong. and don't get me wrong those villains are still great and all but its very... bland especially when its just... good guy turned bad and is trying to get revenge like... that's not a flaw imo. flawed logic maybe. but it doesn't exactly make them a bad person. "so what do you want then?" you wanna know what I want? I want holocaust level of bad. that's right I want villains who are fucking racist as shit. I want pedophiles, I want lgbtphobic pieces of shit, I want genuine cult leaders with accurate depictions of cult tactics and manipulation, hell there's probably worse things I could list but I have a bad memory. I want to actually hate a villain. I want antagonists that I can actually hate and don't have to sympathize with because "boo hoo my family is abusive and neglectful please pity me and don't kill me for the awful shit I've done" I want to experience the rage of having to deal with such people WITH the MC and thoroughly hate the villains. I want villains who are actually bad and aren't just a sort of... peek into what's wrong with society to have made these people this way I'm tired of all the villains where you can mostly blame their actions on a failing society I want villains that are truly terrible and their actions are ENTIRELY their fault

like I can understand that may be a bit too dark for most stories, or y'know people aren't interested, but a lot of the time it seems like people are afraid to write these kinds of characters. probably in fear of being accused of condoning their actions because antis are just like that.

but please. I need real villains. I need genuinely horrible people with no redemption. who just need to be cut down because they are that dangerous. I need sick fucks who will never change.

[us3rnam3-r3dact3d]

Inspired by the latest Reductive Audio:

Lil useless facts about my fav boys/listeners. No hate if I didn’t include your fave, I was making my list off memory and am just now realizing I missed like… three entirely series worth of people.

Vincent

He prefers silver jewelry over gold, but doesn’t care if styles are meant for men or women. He likes what he likes and will wear it. He’s a particular fan of dainty necklaces and women’s wrist watches, but likes men’s rings better.

Sam

He smoked when he was human. Lucky Stripes, since they’re cheap. It was a bad habit he picked up when he was eight or so to cope with his home life. He lost the ability to be chemically addicted to nicotine when he was turned, but he still itches for a cigarette when he’s particularly stressed.

Alexis

She’s very jealous of Will’s attention. She gets twitchy when he’s paying attention to anybody else for too long. This results in spikes of her reckless and bad behavior. It started when Vincent was turned, then when he took in Porter, then when she turned Sam. The most recent was after the Inversion.

William

He cannot paint or draw to save his life. He’s followed five or six Bob Ross paintings, but they never turn out right. He can draw stick figures, but that’s about it. His penmanship is beautiful, though.

Porter

Will made him testify against his maker since Porter’s treatment was particularly brutal amongst Felix’s progeny. Porter didn’t want to, but he recounted every moment of Felix’s torture while being stared down by the man himself in front of the whole council. It was so damming that Felix invoked him to stop. That’s the moment that Porter still has nightmares about.

Lovely

Lovely is incredibly anxious around their human friends. They’re scared that they’ll lose control and hurt someone, even though they’re very well fed and haven’t shown any lack of control in the past. This results in a few months after the inversion that Freelancer thought they were dead, since they showed up on the casualty list.

Treasure

Their older brother is a humanborn freelancer. He’s an enforcer for the Department. They think that fits him well, since he was always sort of a bully growing up. Treasure themself is an investigative journalist who writes for an empowered newspaper. They were trying to get a table at the Monarchal Summit even before they met Porter, but that didn’t pan out.

Freddy

He played french horn in high school. He was pretty good, and was drum major in marching band his senior year. He threw up before every game because he was so nervous.

Bright Eyes

Singer/song writer. Y’all ever listened to the Mountain Goats??? That’s their shit. Slow moving acoustic guitar, songs about the most disturbing and distressing emotions humans are capable of surviving recorded on cassette. Singing at dead coffee shop open mics in the wee hours of the morning. Their voice is raspy and rough, but the texture just draws you into their even timber and perfect pitch. They’re a minor celebrity in Dahlia’s sad boy live music scene.

David

His hips and back hurt So Much all of the time. He figures out that it’s because he’s incredibly strong but not flexible in the slightest. An imbalance in those two factors can lead to a lot of pain. He starts doing yoga after the Inversion when it got really bad and it’s helped a ton. Plus, Angel does it with him, and he likes watching them bend into all of those poses in their tiny, skin tight shorts.

Asher

He keeps track of how much David weighs and makes sure he can comfortably lift and carry that much weight at the drop of a hat. At the end of every work out, he deadlifts David’s weight to make sure he can do it when already spent. He should have been carrying David after the Inversion, but he didn’t have the strength to do it even when not fucked up. He won’t let that happen again.

Milo

He needs reading glasses but refuses to wear them. He tried contacts but he can’t stand to put anything in his eye. So he just squints and struggles through. His phone’s text is blown up like a grandpa’s. David is so bothered that Milo won’t just… get glasses. He keeps passive aggressively offering to add Milo to their vision insurance plan.

Christian

He had a little crush on Asher in middle school that translated to teasing the shit out of him. Which, Asher being Asher, put him off and hurt his feelings. He’s well moved on but sometimes, when the sun catches Ash just right or he smiles that stupid, toothy smile, Christian mourns his own stupidity.

Arden

Desperately protective of Christian, especially after the Inversion. The first time Ash makes a light-hearted joke about Christian’s limp, Arden put his ass on the ground, despite Christian laughing at it.

Gabe

He drove a white Chevy Cameo with a red interior for most of his life. It was lovingly maintained, and since it’s such a rare model, he did all of the maintenance himself. After the crash, the truck was totaled. David still spent a few years trying to put it back together. He called it quits when he was working on the interior and found dried blood under the leather of the seats.

Angel

They have a small stuffed lamb that they’ve had since they were a baby. It’s beaten up, falling apart, and no longer the stark white it started out as. Lambie is kept in their bottom bedside drawer. They only pull him out when they can’t sleep. They were worried David would think it was weird, but he actually finds this more endearing than he can put into words.

Babe

They didn’t start talking until they were three. Their parents thought that they were nonverbal, and had started teaching them ASL as an alternative. Then one day at the breakfast table, they opened their mouth and started spouting full sentences. They taught Asher ASL and the two of them use it when they want a private moment in public/when Ash is overstimulated. (Side note; David also knows ASL, he took courses in high school. Very useful, he loves it. He does not love it when watching them flirt nastily in front of him.)

Sweetheart

They’ve had anxiety since they were a very young child, and it’s always been an internally-sourced thing rather than externally motivated. They recall the first time they ever got in trouble at school (first grade, for pushing a boy who had been tugging on their hair all through recess). They remember the first time they got a B (fifth grade, on a math test they studied for for hours). Their parents had high expectations, but Sweetheart was having panic attacks from the age of three. Definitely something ~chemical~ going on there.

Darlin

They feel pack bonds incredibly strongly. Their body reacts physically when someone in the pack is threatened or hurt, without them even having to think. They shiver when Sam calls them ‘mate.’ When David says something in his lovingly dubbed ‘alpha voice,’ they can’t help but listen. They knew Gabe was dead before they got the call. They thought Ash was dead during the Inversion because they felt David’s dread through the bond so strongly.

Avior

He’s unnerved by human’s tactile nature. Being in a body is strange for him, and he prefers Aria to Elegy (at least before meeting Starlight), so touch is an extreme sensation for him. Humans touch so much. He’s not opposed to it when it’s someone he knows, but handshakes are the bane of his existence.

Starlight

Halloween is their favorite holiday. They start decorating for it in August. They plan elaborate, complex costumes and parties. They desperately want to move into a house so that they can set up scary decorations and shit in their yard and hand out candy to trick-or-treaters. Avid lover of the Spirit Halloween animatronics. They go to Halloween Horror Nights every year.

Camelopardalis

He’s trained himself to use the human terms for things (ex: terra or earth instead of elegy) since some in the Department don’t like it when daemons use their terms. It means that he gets weird looks from other daemons when he talks to them. It’s an alienating feeling for sure.

Vega

He’s never tried human food. He never saw the appeal. What he doesn’t know is that he would absolutely Love dark chocolate if he tried it. He likely will never know.

Warden

Avid reader of the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle comics. Just the comics, though. They don’t have an apartment in Elegy, but they do have a small storage unit where they keep their comics. They coalesced a few years before the comics starting their run, and for some reason, they just fell in love. Vega thinks this is silly and that they should be embarrassed, but they refuse to be.

Hush

He loves Popeye’s fried chicken sandwiches. Doc fed him one once and it blew his fucking mind. He won’t make them with magic, either, he insists that they don’t taste the same. Doc has started just getting gift cards for him to keep so he can get one whenever and doesn’t have to wait for them to give him money. He’s ravenous for those things.

Doc

They’re actually a warder, not a healer. Hush’s presence has encouraged them to refresh their healing knowledge, however. Even if he himself is difficult to hurt, he sort of invites chaos.

Morgan

He uses his foresight to see what the owner of his favorite little bodega down the street is going to have for breakfast every morning. It’s his little morning ritual and practice for his magic. He feels weird all day if he doesn’t do it.

Seer listener

Their sight is more potent and more clear than Morgan’s. They can give stark details, see full landscapes, and turn 360 deg in their vision and see the whole space. They also can hear what’s happening consistently, something that goes in and out for Morgan. He figures that they’re just more powerful than he is, something that makes them just the slightest bit uncomfortable.

Damien

Gets incredibly stressed on election days, whether for local, state, or national elections. He forces everyone he knows to vote, volunteers to shuttle people without cars, and has at times volunteered to be a poll worker. But elections make him anxious. He cares so much about the results. Huxley has recently instated a post 9pm ban on watching the news on election nights so that Dames will actually sleep and not stay up all night stressing.

Huxley

Does not eat beef. Not for religious reasons, but because of the impact of beef consumption on the environment. He’s about one step away from a full vegetarian, he just likes chicken and is concerned for his protein and vitamin intake. This is difficult for Damien, who loves nothing quite so much as a rare steak.

Lasko

He was forced to take piano lessons as a child. He hated it, but took them up to the point he left home. He’s still very good, and did get peer pressured into showing off at a random guitar center once while out with the D.A.M.N. crew. He nearly died of embarrassment.

Gavin

He has a collection of very pretty rosaries that he uses as jewelry. He is not religious, and if asked, cannot describe what a Catholic is to you. He likes to wear them around his neck, dipping over his body since his shirts always cut down to his navel. It makes people gasp and blush, which is his favorite effect to have on somebody. His fav one has beads made of mother of pearl and a little, golden crucifix on the end.

Freelancer

They love cheap Chinese buffets. They claim that, the lower the health rating, the better the taste. Their desire for krab rangoons is strong enough to pull them from the comfort of their home at 2 in the morning if the fancy strikes. Damien in particular is horrified by this, and keeps offering to cook them some actual Chinese food.

Dear (Lasko’s listener)

An all star volleyball player in high school and college. They were a setter, and took their team to nationals all four years of high school. They are on the starting line up all through college. When it gets brought up in their trip that Damien plays casually, they said they did too. And then absolutely creamed him.

[nerves-nebula]

Sorry just saw a post saying you do actually DO get taught media literacy and critical thinking in English classes and I was homeschooled until high school, but Ive also been to three different high schools across two states of america- which isn’t a lot but is more than most people get (assuming that most people go to one high school for four years instead of switching schools every year) and let me tell you. The English teachers almost always had the same problem. And I generally liked them all! English wasn’t a class I super hated!!!

Even my favorite English teachers didn’t really end up fostering a love of reading into the material or actually critically thinking about stuff.

What they all liked to do was talk about and lead you into THEIR interpretation to the point of basically dismissing any other readings. At best you’d get a “that’s a good point too, but I was thinking of something else” and at worst they’d basically just dismiss it with a clear lack of interest. As if you didn’t “get the point” for focusing on something else.

I remember this because there were a lot of times when I was bursting to talk about the parallels id drawn of the assignment to my personal experiences but I was too embarrassed or afraid or annoyed to because the few times i or anyone else tried to speak up the teachers were basically uninterested unless you hit on the specific reading they were obsessed with. At which point they’d talk at length about symbolism and stuff that, while interesting to me, was also hella annoying!!

My English classes made me afraid to get into academia because they all made it seem like there were one or two proper ways to read a story and if you didn’t immediately come to one of those conclusions then you’d be treated like you were stupid or hadn’t actually read the text.

This post also claimed that English classes teach you how to spot misinformation ???? The only thing even close to that would be history classes where we would sometimes discuss propaganda. Most of English class is reading assigned literature and then painfully sitting through the teacher trying to lead us into their interpretation. And sometimes you get to write things.

At MOST you’re gonna get the teacher telling you that something an author says is incorrect or a lie or that they’re biased but you don’t usually practice how to spot misinformation when you’re not prepped to find it.

I gained more critical thinking skills from being annoyed by the teachers readings and tearing them apart in my head than I did from any actual assignments. But that’s because I already cared about stories! So i wouldn’t have even had that if I didn’t already have some kind of interest in the classes subject matter!

Does all this stuff you’re supposedly taught in English class happen before high school?? What schools are you guys going to because from my experienced, American high school English classes (like a lot of classes) don’t really teach you shit unless you’re already interested in the subject.

I also think it’s pretty useless and mean spirited to imply people who didn’t learn that stuff were just idiots who didn’t pay attention. It’d be way more helpful to encourage people to want to learn stuff after school ends!! Not just because learning is fun but also because I feel like a lot of people see learning as something you can only do in schools & such and don’t see all the opportunities for self improvement past that!

Sorry I have no idea why a single one paragraph post bothered me so much, I think it’s cuz it’s past 10 pm 😭😭😭 so slightly annoying things lead to entire damn rants. I don’t even know if they were talking about American education I just was suddenly flooded with a ton of memories and barfed them out here.

[monstersinthecosmos]

Can you elaborate onthe "lack of childhood" though? Sure he had the trauma from when he was abducted, then abducted again by the cult, but him growing up with his mortal family + those years with Marius (and especially since he remembers his early memories), I wouldn't say that's a -complete- lack of childhood lol. I'd say more of having to care for others from an early age (I'm including Marius here too, affectionately, the man was a mess back then)?

These are great points!!!!!!!!!

I have three basic concepts I want to submit here, and your mileage may vary! Some of this goes into headcanon territory so we might land in different places. My questions are:

 If you had a good childhood that you can’t really remember, does it count?

 Can a young person sincerely be that pious without it being manipulative?

What age does Armand’s “childhood” end when he’s abducted at 14, at the oldest?

We don’t get a ton of information about his life before he was abducted and part of that is because he’s so traumatized that he doesn’t remember—a mega Capital T Trauma happening as a young teen I think informs “childhood”. I cede your point because I think a lot of people think of “childhood” as more early childhood, and especially in the historical context of kids growing up faster, we don’t know that much about his early childhood. When he goes back to visit with Marius he talks a bit about remembering his uncle’s singing and stuff, so we have that clue that his family did things together.

But we also have stuff like

I stood with my head bowed. I let my temple rest against the mud. I wished to find the boy, so pure of soul, who had opened these cells to bring the hermits just enough food and drink to keep them alive. But I couldn't find the boy. I couldn't. And I felt only a raging pity for him that he had ever suffered here, thin and miserable, and desperate, and ignorant, oh, so terribly ignorant, having but one sensuous joy in life and that was to see the colors of the ikon catch fire.

He also immediately shows up and refers to his family as “filthy peasants”.

And it seemed I understood more viscerally than ever the atmosphere of purposeful gloom which had overhung my childhood in far-off Kiev. I saw again the muddy catacombs, and the half-buried monks who had cheered me on to become one of them.

So I’m admittedly really skeptical about most religions LOL but this entire book is Armand struggling with his religious trauma and like, when you think about it, cave monks aren’t like. Very typical?

When he says stuff like “purposeful gloom” and “cheered me on to become one of them” I can’t imagine a situation where this isn’t coercive on their part, that he wasn't being manipulated and groomed into a cult. And his father didn’t want him to join them; the cult was pulling Armand away from his family and life. And he mentions that the monks are all starving and cold like, it’s not like this was some glamourous life he could’ve lived where they were saving him.

He says:

I looked back at my scholarly brethren.

All were emaciated, dressed in cheap black wool, reeking of old sweat and dirt, and their heads were all but shaved. Their long beards were thin and uncombed. I thought I knew one of them, had loved him somewhat even, but this seemed remote and not worth considering anymore.

To Marius, who stood beside me as faithfully as a shadow, I confided that I could not have endured it, but we both knew this was a lie. In all likelihood I would have endured it, and I would have died without ever knowing any other world.

And like fandom can debate all day and night about like the historical context of Armand’s age, and whether or not he was a child when he lived with Marius, but I think a lot about how his indoctrination into the Children of Darkness wasn’t simply him being brainwashed, it was his relapse. So when you look at the timeline of his life, if you think of like, say 300ish years with a cult, does he fold that tiny blip of time with Marius into his “childhood” ? idk.

But yeah I think like, to put a finer point on it aside from “lack of childhood” what we really mean when we say that is like, some kids go through traumas that force them to grow up quickly, and for a lot of kids it comes with parentification. Like, it’s enough that Armand was a hungry peasant in a cold climate, was (possibly) groomed by a cult, and then abducted and trafficked. But I wonder what Marius did to him too when it comes to like, the emotional support he needed and how he used Armand as balm to his own loneliness, all the while not allowing Armand to have his own emotional needs.

People kept stealing him and it makes sense that he might find a place in that world, and become a leader. It feels like the end result of a long series of events of having to put others’ needs ahead of his own, and also a way for him to have some semblance of control in the situation he’s been thrust into. So I think I when I say “lack of childhood” I’m really just gesturing wildly at All This Stuff and how it connects and relates to itself in the end. 

His time with the Children of Darkness is a coming home of sorts; he still winds up pious and underground, and it’s like his whole life he keeps trying to climb his way out of it and always gets dragged back down. Like I think even his suicide attempt fits this as a relapse into religious crisis. He was doing so good!!!!!!!! ☹ Sigh.

And the thing about it, and reaching out more broadly to this concept of VAMPIRE THERAPY LOL is like, a lot of times children grow up thinking their world is normal, or a default, and the work we put in as adults is unlearning that idea and coming to terms with that fact that something was wrong. Armand might not have been traumatized by being cold and hungry and ready to bury himself in a cave but when it's time to dismantle all that stuff I think it's important to make space for it. And even saying like, the concept of Armand going to therapy is silly hahaha so maybe it's not literal, but, I think it's still reaching the same idea if you ask him to grow as a person, to connect with Daniel and reevaluate his feelings about mortality and humanity, to care for Benji & Sybelle, to create Trinity Gate and get back together with Louis in a new way. All of this marks growth that he got to have.

So returning to my original point LOL, I always look at the way he’s built Trinity Gate as a safe haven, landing spot, and how trauma can be so deeply tangled in us that it’s like, how much of this is me and how much is the trauma, when does the trauma end and my personality begin, etc, and like. The truth is that sometimes you have to be patient and accept that it IS part of you, and you can try to be healthy and productive and kind to yourself without simply exorcising all the bad parts. For Armand it can be: "I created Trinity Gate as a safe haven for my friends & family out of love and it also feels like a burden sometimes."

[emi-irl]

taking care of yourself 101

here is a (mostly) comprehensive list of things that I have learned within my past 3 (almost 4) years now of being independent.

PART 1 : physical health

1.) get your basics down. drink water, eat good food with nutrients, get quality sleep, and move your body in some way. these are the building blocks of a pleasant existence, the bare minimum required to feel at peace in your flesh suit.

1.a) drink water. this is important because you need it to survive and for your brain to function properly. dehydration has negative effects on vigor, esteem-related affect, short-term memory, and attention. I've noticed within myself that when I'm dehydrated, my drive to get things done tanks, and I feel like I've failed everyone I've ever loved. so, add your MIO if you have to, but drink it.

1.b) eat good food with nutrients. do this in any way that works for you. blend your veggies into a pasta sauce, drink smoothies, eat and entire spinach salad, etc. and also make sure you're getting adequate protein intake. aim for whole food sources as much as possible to ease any tummy trouble, but do what works for you. whole food sources typically make me feel the best, and actually feel fueled for my day, so I tend to aim for 80% whole food, 20% processed.

1.c) quality sleep. this one is difficult for a lot of us, seeing as 1 in three adults suffer with insomnia, but do what you can. magnesium glycinate has done wonders for me, as well as sticking to consistent sleep/wake times when possible, and sleeping in a slightly cool room. getting sunlight in my eyes in the mornings is also great, but this winter I've been doing that less because of the cold, so don't stress too much about it. sleep is so important for brain and body recovery, and for overall health. lacking sleep can make overall existence feel bleh and you won't even know why.

1.d) moving your body. you do not have to be a gym goer who lifts weights, (although it is great for your health,) and you don't have to be an olympic level athlete in whatever sport. moving your body is a necessity, just like breathing. humans are active creatures, its a requirement! so, do whatever movement feels best for you and that you enjoy doing. yoga, walking, swimming, ice skating, pilates, stretching, soccer, volleyball, running, playing just dance, as long as you like it, do it!! the endorphins released in your brain when you participate in physical activity do wonders for your mood and mental health, and having a well functioning cardiovascular system and any sort of muscle mass will help you tons as you age.

PART 2 : mental health

2.) let the things that hurt you, hurt. relax around your pain as much as possible. feel its weight. only then can you let it go. for years, I repressed my trauma. I kept it in its little box, I refused to bat an eye at the horrors laid within it, I made myself guarded and "strong" in the face of it. after doing this for over a decade, it manifested into physical ailments that no doctor could figure out, and an inner turmoil that soiled relationships and made me feel like a horrid no good person. I didn't understand why someone yelling made me want to sob, I didn't get why slammed doors made my chest sink to the bottom of the ocean, and I didn't know why I continued to hurt the people I cared most about. only once I opened there box did it all start to unfold.

2.b) let the things that hurt you, hurt. the more you try and shift away from the pain that is settled deep within you, the more it appears in your day to day life. the more you try and repress tears and keep yourself from thinking about it, the worse it will be when its finally time to face it. if you feel the need to cry, cry. if you feel the need to rant, or yell or scream, to wallow in misery, or sob about how its unfair and life is hard, don't keep yourself from it. let the emotion have its moments. only then may it pass.

2.c) relax around your pain as much as possible. babies can survive tumbles down stairs, and people who are intoxicated are more likely to survive a car crash, and the more you tense in the face of your pain, the more it will hurt you. practice Yoga Nidra, deep breathing exercises, and learn what being relaxed feels like in your body. anything else will work its way out from there.

2.d) some more practical tips. get your thoughts out, talk to people, or put it on paper. learn your triggers and start to understand their root. practice mediation and breathing exercises. if you're a menstruating person, learn and understand the different phases of your cycle. stay off a screen as much as possible, and instead indulge in hobbies. get as much sunlight as you possibly can. get outdoors and interacting with nature as much as humanly possible. sit quietly with yourself frequently.

PART 3 : environmental health

3.) keep your space clean. do your laundry. weed out unhelpful relationships. create a routine for yourself. your environment effects you in more ways than you probably realize, and once you start to fine tune it, the better you will feel.

3.a) keep your space clean. I can admit, this one is still a major work in progress for me. it's probably the aspect I currently struggle with the most. my advice is to start small, and really take note of your habits. always have dirty clothes on the bathroom floor? put a basket in there. have trouble keeping things tidy? figure out your most relocated items and give them homes. trouble doing maintenance cleaning? give yourself small rewards whenever you complete difficult tasks. don't feel the need to completely overhaul-Marie-Kondo your life if that's not your thing. start small. go from there.

3.b) do your laundry. this one is probably my second biggest struggle. but, knowing I have clothes clean gives me a peace of mind like no other. figure out what aspect you hate the most and try and hack it. hate bending down to fold laundry? do it standing up at a table. have trouble getting yourself to switch it? take it to a second location (laundromat, partner or parents home, etc.) so you are forced to do it within a certain time frame. then, sit back and enjoy clean socks and underwear.

3.c) weed out unhelpful relationships. have people in your life who constantly make you doubt the person you are, who have bad habits you don't want to associate yourself with, or who keep you in the box of the person you've always been? its time to reevaluate. the people you spend your time around have an effect on you whether you like it or not, so filling your circle with people who uplift and support you, who help you to push through rough patches, and you can feel overall good around is essential. remember you don't owe anyone anything. block the number. remove the friend. do what you have to do for your best version of self, and better people will start to fill those gaps.

3.d) create a routine. if you're a human, your brain loves predictability. it loves having a pattern. even if its something as simple as you wake up in the morning and drink tea, your mind will thank you for it. plus, being on a consistent routine makes your day to day life easier. you don't have to think about what you're going to do, you just do it. start by making a morning and a night routine for yourself, and make two versions. one is the bare minimum required on any given day, and the other if for when you're feeling great and have the time for some extras. and remember to revisit the drawing board frequently to adjust it to work best for yourself.

PART 4 : general life advice

4.) do things that bring you genuine joy. eat warm bread, sit in a sunny windowsill, compliment a stranger, play video games, draw silly little guys, take a million MacBook selfies, whatever puts a smile on your face. don't keep yourself from life's subtle pleasantries. relish in the fact that you are alive with a heart that beats and a mouth that can smile. take note of the small joys you experience in your day to day. within such lies life's meaning.

5.) keep hygienic. brush your teeth, wash your face, shower frequently, wear deodorant, etc. you don't have to do anything super crazy for this one, but keeping up on hygiene is a good way to build self confidence and overall honor yourself. you are a person worthy of care. remember to treat yourself like it.

6.) listen to your intuition. this one takes a good amount of practice, but learn to differentiate good vs bad feelings in your body, and use that signal to guide you. take a lot of time in silence with yourself, learn to hold your opinions sacred, and get to know yourself. ask yourself questions like its a first date, and take note of your answers.

THATS ALL FOR NOW FOLKS!! I may make a part two depending on how I'm feeling, and feel free to ask any questions! my ask box is open. love y'all, and have a great day <3

[hijinks-n-lowjinks]

Hi what about 1 and 12 for the fic ask?

Hi winnie!!! Thank you for the ask 🫶🏻🫶🏻🫶🏻

1. Which three fics occupy your top posts? Tell me a bit about the inspiration behind them!

I’m going to assume this means my most popular posts, so I’m going to go by hits

#3 - It Had To Be You: this is the first fic I ever posted so I’m not surprised it has some of the highest ratings on my profile. Sakuatsu was HUGE back when I wrote this and I think people were ready to consume any media about them at the time because this is not my finest work lol. The inspiration came from watching When Harry Met Sally (my fav romcom of all time, I rewatch it like 10 times a year) and I realized that the personalities of the main pairing fell in line well with sakuatsu.

#2 - you’ll always know me: my baby. My piece de resistance. I’m not surprised it didn’t blow up the way aibtntfi has as hq has a shit ton of extremely good fics so you’re never really lacking for good content, but I’m very pleased this is my second most read! The basic inspiration for this was that I was listening to Taylor Swift’s evermore album (tis the damn season/dorothea in particular) and those two songs reminded me a lot of iwaoi in the time skip. A childhood friends to enemies to friends to lovers was perfectly in the cards for it and I think I planned out the entire fic in like three days.

#1 - and i’ve been tryin’ not to feel it: no one is shocked except for me lol. I never expected for this fic to do as well as it has but now this fic is basically the reason I have a following at all! The inspiration behind this was seeing a lot of jjk tiktokers doing ooc skits and it made me so irritated that I had to write a Megumi and itafushi that I felt was in character for a modern au. It was originally supposed to be a short oneshot but here we are 12 chapters later lol

12. Pick three fics that feature the same trope. What do you like the most about writing that trope and/or how did you do that trope differently in each story?

Friends 👏🏻 to 👏🏻 lovers 👏🏻 slow 👏🏻 burn 👏🏻 Slow burns are my favorite romance trope. I’m aspec so it’s RARE that I’m ever convinced by an insta-love story and I think slow burns where the couple truly gets to know and understand each other are the most romantic sort. Honestly, the only fics of mine that really feature this and can be considered a slow burn are my only three multi-chapter fics lol

• you’ll always know me: This one was the most fun to write, hands down. The angst, the yearning, the passion, this fic had everything that I love I truly wrote it for myself. I think it has the most believable romance out of all of my fics and my use of memories/flashbacks at the beginning or end of each chapter really made the story and relationship feel so much deeper. I can’t rave enough about how much I love it.

• and i’ve been tryin’ not to feel it: This fic is a slow burn in the sense that they like each other the entire time but are both idiots. I did include instant attraction in this one, but it’s not insta-love. Megumi is immediately intrigued and attracted to Yuuji but he refuses to let himself get drawn in by him (he folds almost immediately). Their relationship has been very fun to write and seeing them grow together and slowly understand themselves and each other has been wonderful to write out.

• It Had To Be You: this one isn’t unique at all in the sense that I didn’t realize I didn’t have to copy When Harry Met Sally plot point by plot point. I waited way too late to start changing things up and adding my own personal flair to the storyline, but it’s still a fun time. This fic has the most standard annoyances to friends to lovers plot but I still think it’s quite believable.

[gemscales-and-tea]

I have seen people argue that Pinocchio is his own person, I've seen people say he's actually Carlo and that the game hints to this.

I would argue that, due to P being (audibly) silent outside of grunts or sighs with VERY limited opportunities to answer in any way or have a visible emotional response to things-- with some exceptions-- that it's safe to say it's vague.

I honestly think that this game's narrative could have benefitted from giving P/Carlo an actual voice and giving more opportunities to see him emotionally develop and show the personality he's slowly gaining as he becomes more human.

As he is... he's closer to a blank slate than an established character, it's just the smaller details that prevent him from being a true blank slate.

I think the biggest dropped ball on helping to clarify which is true when it comes to this puppet, whether it's Carlo or an entirely new being, is the absolute lack of touching on resentment that Carlo CLEARLY had for his father.

The memories you find make it pretty clear that Carlo was FURIOUS and resentful as hell toward his father. To the point that he outright said he wouldn't give a shit if Geppetto died, said after his father didn't even come to his graduation. That's a LOT of anger being expressed and it's been festering for years.

This is someone who, I would imagine, would react very harshly and loudly to his father upon encountering the man once regaining the memories of his old life, the memories of how his father abandoned him. Not to mention the fact that Geppetto literally set things up for P to kill Romeo, Carlo's best friend.

Given how biting Carlo was in the beach memories, I cannot in any way imagine he would react at all calmly toward the man the next time we see him. He'd probably try to throttle Geppetto himself.

... But we don't have any such option when we find Geppetto after his 'kidnapping'.

We're just given the choice to say if he's been a good or bad father to us and, sure, you can tell the truth to his face but it's still done in a calm and placid manner-- something that we've seen Carlo is NOT when it comes to his dad.

I think this is the big reason why a LOT of people think that this puppet isn't actually Carlo but instead a new consciousness born from the Ergo.

Because he doesn't seem to carry any of the anger and resentment Carlo is shown to have in many of those beach memories. He reacts too calmly to Geppetto after regaining those memories, after finding out that this man has betrayed him-- again, if you want to say this puppet is Carlo-- and the worst he does is just step away and look put off when asked to give up his heart.

Sure, we don't see a TON of Carlo's memories but his anger toward Geppetto is practically hammered in and, well, P just doesn't seem to have any of that anger.

Which is weird if this is meant to be Carlo.

[paceypeternathanslawyer]

Having listened to "Talkville," "Drama Queens," "Office Ladies," "Welcome To Our Show" and now the new Full House rewatch podcast "How Rude, Tanneritos" I have strong opinions on which cast hosted rewatch podcasts work.

1. I absolutely love the Full House rewatch podcast. Granted, only the first episode is out so far and it wasn't even covering an episode. Next week is the Pilot and this one was just an introduction and they did talk about the opening theme and credits.

2. Maybe coincidentally the podcasts that work have been the ones led by women entirely. My favorites have been Drama Queens, Office Ladies and now How Rude Tanneritos. No diss to the Smallville podcast but I don't feel a whole lot of enthusiasm or chemistry between Tom and Michael with Talkville.

3. I also believe that these types of podcasts are so prevalent that a lot of actors feel like "it's the thing to do" so there's no kind of real thought of which actors should host it. Like for instance, I think that if Tom and Erica had hosted Talkville that would be a lot more fun because they have such chemistry and a rapport. Also Michael Rosenbaum already had a random celebrity interview show prior to Talkville and so now Talkville just feels like an extension of that. It doesn't feel organic or unique.

4. The actors who end up hosting really make the show. With Office Ladies.... Angela and Jenna are truly best friends and you really feel that. You feel the friendship chemistry even in podcast form. Also they are very dedicated to it and are knowledgable. I've never heard a podcast that is quite so chock full information and trivia and previously unknown behind the scenes stories because if they don't know the answer to something then they do a ton of research and ask cast and crew the questions. You can also tell that Jenna and Angela are having so much fun together and they are really proud of The Office.

5. Drama Queens is hosted by Bethany Joy Lenz, Sophia Bush, and Hilarie Burton and it's another situation where you can tell that those three are amazing friends and really love each other. They have a perspective and they are really passionate about anything they are talking about. They are just a fun group of women to hear speak on One Tree Hill or even anything. They do go on some minor tangents but they also try to keep a good structure.

6. With How Rude Tanneritos I can only go off of the first episode but I just found myself entranced by the conversation because Jodie Sweetin and Andrea Barber are really good friends for real life. Also the reason they wanted to do the podcast seemed more moving and organic. Ever since Bob Saget passed away they've been wanting to revisit those old memories and wanted them recorded in podcast form for the fans, themselves and their loved ones to enjoy forever while they still weren't too far removed and could still remember those times to a certain extent. There were some funny moments and some fun trivia. I think that this is the oldest show to have a rewatch podcast for it which is pretty unique.

7. Welcome To Our Show I haven't listened to for a while but i'm a part of a popular Facebook group for New Girl and most people on there seem to hate it. Honestly the problem I had with it was the lack of structure and how little they talk about the episode they are covering. Also weirdly, I don't feel the chemistry between Zooey, Hannah, and Lamorne. Which is weird cause they have great chemistry in the show itself. I think this show could have been better if it had been Lamorne, Hannah, and Max hosting. Max has a really funny personality and I think it would have added some spice. And I feel like Hannah and Lamorne have great chemistry but honestly Zooey hogs the conversation a bit too much. I have nothing against Zooey, ever since the podcast I feel like a lot of people have come to dislike her. It's not even that she hogs the conversation to talk about the show, it's that she hogs the conversation to talk about herself and her other filmography. But I do feel like some people are overly harsh with her. I just feel like if you don't create a strong structure around the episode and how you're gonna talk about it then that's just bound to happen.

Disclaimer: These are just my opinions. Some of you may love Talkville and Welcome To Our Show and that is great. Also I haven't listened to them in a while so some of this stuff could have improved. If so, please let me know. I could use some inspiration to start them up again.

[stolencrownsofplenty]

@lambfated | Accepting

[THE TOWER] - What is the most disastrous thing that could happen to them? How would they navigate that situation/event?

((If we'll want to exclude having the gen*cide of their species being the most disastrous thing that could really happen to them? The second best I can really think about is them having a near personality/memory erasure of their entire past, feeling like their entire person had been practically killed to make room for someone else entirely who isn't even them anymore, that even their own resurrections can't even fix all the damages they suffered mentally. Before they became a god, before they found themselves fighting to give themselves some sort of freedom out of their own broken servitude to their previous benefactor, they were a mortal who had been a soft spoken and timid individual who was only ever known as an artist and storyteller to their own sheepy flock. They were a gentle giant, never being able to hurt a fly so much that their own family had worked a ton to keep them sheltered from the horrors of the Old Faith's cult lifestyle.

They lived a privileged life, sheltered from the very believers who often wanted to use their own people as gifts to the Gods and Bishops. But when they had been forced to fulfill a fate that never agreed to do in the TOWW's name? They do not remember who they even used to be, a little byproduct of the cat's doing as in the hopes they wouldn't betray him like the last of his other vessels, and there's very little they can really do about it when their very own crown had eaten up so much of their mind to make room for all the knowledge they needed to become the very cult leader to succeed for their losses. For everything that they are, for all the combat and knowledge they needed to be fluent in luring followers to their side, that knowledge had to be traded for their memories in return. It was not by their choice, mind you, but it has left them hallowed somewhat.

They don't know what's missing inside, but they instinctively feel the major hole in their chest of what they lack of their humanity. Their personality is still in tack, but something feels wrong. As if in their final death, their very being had been newly rewritten to just exist as the last of something that's more uncanny than its original copy. They don't entirely know they're not themselves. All they know is they have a body that doesn't entire belong to them anymore after they took on five crowns to give themselves some sort of control back to feel alive again. They cope having these crowns help replace what they lost. Reproduction was one of them, but having to have their taste and smell back was something they wanted more than having a chance to be a person again. They lost their eyesight somewhat, sure, but it is a cost they had to take to stay immortal.

Another way they've coped with the entire situation, since they don't remember their past or that of the traditions that must've grown up when with them they were little, they use the power they have to hunt down any villages that may've once belonged to their own species before most of them were burned to the grown. Books that contain the history of their people are often hard to find for themselves, and often times they have to fight just to preserve the little culture they have of that they lost. They may not remember anything of their past, but if they can help it they will try anything to help spark their memories back into their head. Desperation is a powerful tool, and it's probably the only thing that's kept them from completely snapping underneath their own hell made sanity.))

[insipid-drivel]

There are a ton of notes on this post but I'd like to speak up for those of us with "scary" mental conditions that cause doctors to try to speedrun through every interaction and ultimately leave us to die.

I personally have DID, or specifically, OSDD-1B (kinda makes me feel like an SCP). Basically, I have a system of alter personalities, but unlike "classical" DID, they're fully aware of each other and of me, and rarely interfere with my memory now that we've gotten good at switching. We work together as a team and my alters have literally saved my life on multiple occasions.

The sheer lack of ANY knowledge regarding even the bare-bones "DID" is among medical professionals - psychologists and psychiatrists included - is terrifying. I often wind up burning through appointment times with doctors who get caught up needing me to teach them what my condition even is or how it works.

I have to seriously explain no, I am not a serial killer, because most DOCTORS assume that DID patients are inherently violent and enjoy hurting people. They never understand that DID and its associated conditions are entirely borne of severe psychological trauma sustained during early childhood out of a desperate need for survival and comfort.

I also have to explain that, in fact, if Alex is the one talking to the doctor, they're actually 90% more likely to have a good, cooperative, successful appointment with me than if I were fronting. However, if they refuse that basic concession that's little different than "If an elder with dementia is having an episode, just go with it or else you'll only scare and traumatize them," with regards to elder-care, then they'll only get a quivering, panic-muted mess with me, or - even worse - they'll wind up meeting Cassandra.

Cassandra puts people in the hospital when she has to. She has taken down men twice my size trying to back me in a corner and physically harm me. In high school, she once beat a violent bully attacking me and my best friend so badly it took 4 17-year-old football jocks to pull her off the bully before she was done making her point about keeping your hands off me without asking permission to touch me first.

If I'm being threatened or harmed directly and intentionally, Cassandra will get aggressive, and if the threat isn't removed immediately or she isn't able to take me out of the situation, she will respond like a cornered animal and attack, and it's 100% the doctor's fault for not listening to my warnings and guidelines on how to handle and approach me. Cassandra's job and entire reason she exists is because doctors have hurt and traumatized me too many times and are officially on her shit list.

The thing is, now that I'm vocally out about my OSDD... doctors now shut the fuck up when I talk. I can never get away from the bigotry and the unwarranted fear from people who don't even really know us, but I can at least use it to force a self-important doctor into a reality check consisting of, "Hey, you're not the expert here, and if you don't listen exactly to what I say, you're putting yourself and everyone in this room in danger."

That's when I see misogynistic faces (and I'm fucking trans and agendered gdi) turn into frightened first-day-of-residency students again. I know they're thinking of shows like Criminal Minds and Law & Order and how scawy DID is on TV. They're thinking of all the psych rounds and classes they bullshitted through because "I'll never have one of them for a patient." I know they're judging me based on characters that weren't even written by writers that bothered to do any research into what DID can actually be like. And honestly, I've grown to anticipate it.

So I let them freeze and let the "Oh shit, it's one of them," wash over them. I'm more afraid of them than they are of me, but if their fear and apprehension forces them to sit down, shut up, and listen? Then that's where we are. I didn't make them neglect their studies, and I shouldn't have to scare them for them to treat and diagnose me humanely and gently, but since doctors on average only truly listen to their patients' complaints for an average of 11 seconds before they start interrupting the patient and stop listening to them, I will use every tool trauma and nature gave me to force my doctors to give me their fucking attention.

This ABSOLUTELY works.

I have used this for many years. Definitely b do it.

[novadreii]

Hi! I just wanted to say that I'm so sorry you went through all of that with your ex. That sounded so hard, but you sound pretty resilient! Can I share my story here, I'm at such a loss and I'm in a relationship that sounds kind of similar. Very hot and cold. Used to think the world of me, now he hates my guts. I do struggle with anxiety and ocd and am on medication to help, but I stg he makes it a million times worse than it needs to be.

He's been treating me worse and worse in last 6 months (1.5 years together), but then I will get occasional flashes of the guy I fell in love with in the beginning and it's like I get freaking amnesia for all the shitty treatment (he mainly just straight up ignores me like I don't exist when I don't behave exactly the way he wants me to, stays out till 5am without any contact, likes pics of and follows Instagram models which I haaaateeee, etc). I just want the man I fell for back. I know I should probably leave but the thought of following through feels like dying. I really love him so much. Can I ask you to share any tips that made leaving easier? To get over your love for them? I am so miserable, but I'm scared leaving will be the wrong decision. Gahhh I'm sorry this is so long. I need help and have nobody I can really confide in :/.

Hello and hi! Of course you can share and I'd love to share what worked for me. My jaw was agape reading your ask because 90% of this sounds exactly like my ex. Specifically, the hot and cold treatment, the devaluation, lack of empathy and the silent treatment as a control strategy.

Believe me, I know how gut-wrenchingly painful someone you love who supposedly loves you ignoring your entire existence like you're a ghost they can't interact with is. To look in their eyes and see literally nothing there, to know they couldn't give a shit if you lived or died.

You can leave. And I really think you should. This kind of misery over time erodes your mental health, self-esteem, sense of self, and your physical health too. The longer you stay, the higher the cost.

Good news is, you are probably not as in love with this person as you think. Your subconscious knows it's not safe to love people who don't care about you, but you CAN absolutely become addicted to a person like they are a drug.

You are likely dating some kind of narcissist/sociopath/avoidant. Hard to tell, even with mine, but the telltale stonewalling/silent treatment, devaluation of things he used to love about you, and complete lack of empathy for your suffering points in those directions. They put on such a good fucking show in the beginning, I bet he love bombed the shit out of you and it's hard to resist such devout adoration. Believe me, I knowwwwww.

Look up trauma bonds on YouTube. There are tons of videos. The intermittent reinforcenent from the hot/cold behaviour keeps you addicted and coming back for more. You think if you can just shrink yourself down enough, you can bring him back. It's why leaving feels impossible even though you're not happy anymore. You have hope, and hope is normally a beautiful thing to have. But not when it comes to people who are emotionally immature and unavailable.

You need to cut this person off cold turkey, in my opinion. Move away, cut all contact, remove them and block them on everything. Yes, you need to detox from a person. It's the same principle as quitting cigarettes. Even a puff every now and again will keep you addicted.

This will feel like ass. A withdrawal for the ages. Your heart will feel so broken, but it WILL PASS. You have to keep that faith to get through. During this time the best thing to do is stay busy, lean on your support network, and take care of yourself.

The single most effective thing I did to get over him though was concentrate on all the negative things about him and our relationship. All the awful memories. The nights spent crying myself to sleep alone in our bed because he insisted we couldn't work on our relationship in the same home and took off to his fucking parents' house for 3 months lmao.

When I missed him, I would replay all the moments he ignored me, denied me closeness/communication, literally stared at me expressionless when I cried and begged for him to talk to me. I treated this like science (bc it is) and trained myself to associate him with only the pain he caused me, which was substantial. No good times, no positive traits. Bad times only.

I screenshotted any awful interactions I could find over text messages, and deleted literally everything else positive about our relationship that I could find on my phone, Discord and Tumblr. We had a little server that documented our relationship, I left it so I wouldn't be tempted to read over the good times. I left/sold whatever gifts he got me, or any reminders/memorabilia of us. It's like the CIA did a crime scene wipe of this man from my life.

The memories that remain are the awful ones only. Without reminders of the good, you'd be surprised at what you can forget with time. The good times and tender moments will fade. Sometimes they pop back in; send those memories some love & gratitude and move on.

Do not text or call him, this gives him power over you. He will think he can still treat you however the fuck he wants to if you hang around. He will not respect you. Whenever you miss him, replay the abuse, journal as if you're writing to him, but do not under any circumstances contact him. You must delete this person from your life in order to rebuild it.

People were trying to give me the same advice 6 months before we broke up, but I stubbornly clung on. I wasn't ready, I hadn't suffered enough yet. I really believed his bullshit, that he loved me and wanted to work on things, but his actions never once lined up with his words.

Once I realized that, it became apparent that the Good™ side of him I was hoping to see again, the man I fell for, was no longer there. Real or not, he was gone like the mfing wind and I was going to destroy my sanity trying so hard to get him back. He became a stranger to me.

So, I broke up with him, realizing that this would be my life for who knows how long if I didn't put my foot down. I genuinely couldn't do another second of it. He ignored my break up message too, LOL.

It took me a few weeks to confidently feel like I did not love him romantically anymore. He was wanting to be stay friends, hinting at getting back together one day, and at first I was so pathetically receptive. But one night a few weeks after the breakup I asked if we could clear the air so I could move past this and be able to be friends, and he fucking shut me down AGAIN. Again!!!! After everything he put me through. I felt so fucking dismissed, unheard, and embarrassed that I'd thrown my dignity on the floor for someone who proved time and time again he didn't give a fuck about my needs or wants.

This is when I understood that this is not love!!! Love does not only take. It is not concerned with ego or power or with satisfying one's own desires only. Love is empathy, it's having compassion and mercy. He had none of these things for me. He wanted to string me along for God knows how long so he could get his validation without doing any work. This was the moment I broke fucking free and never looked back. I saw and focused on his selfishness and cruelty, and disgust set in for me in place of love.

I'm so sorry friend. It feels like such a betrayal to have someone you love so deeply and who you feel genuinely loves you pull such a total switch up on you. It fucks with your head. But you will be okay, if you cut them out. No contact, no sex, no social media. I encourage therapy if you have access to it.

Someone who loves you for real will be unable treat you badly on a chronic ongoing basis. They won't be able to see you cry without gathering you into their arms. Your pain will feel unbearable to them. This man does not fucking love you my dear. I'm sorry, truly, but I wish I'd understood this for myself years before I did.

Tldr: trauma bonds, negative associations only, no contact, detox, self care and spending time with people who actually care about you so can contrast how it feels.

I hope everything works out. Let me know how it goes if you'd like, I know how fucking isolating this shit is and I'm here if you need. No presh tho.

[thedreamspace82]

Time and time again I’am reminded of the poor choices I chose to make, I do feel I wasn’t 100% behind them in terms of what happened next entirely. I should have followed my gut, I think most I’am scared to move home, and I know I’d only be coming home for you and my brother. That town reminds me of a lot of bad memories with my family and mom. Moving here literally saved my life. I wouldn’t be here if I had stayed back home. I’am scared a bit you’ll never move here but also that’s not something I could ask of someone. I’am 1 human and you are a set of 3. So I can’t be selfish cutie, do I believe I married the correct person? Absolutely not, not for 1 second do I believe that. Do I believe or feel in love with her no I don’t, I felt a shit ton of pressure behind it all, and honestly I’ve given it my all here because I had a rule with myself that I never wanted to marry twice but honestly I probably will. Iam exhausted with love, it should never be this hard with the right person.

Laying here appreciating your “ can I call you” on my way home tonight. I look so forward to when you call. I try to leave you be most days and I simply just keep you on my mind in hopes you’ll feel it on your side. Do you ever feel like if you were with the right person you’d been a million times better than you are now? Like someone rooting you on and pushing you? Fuck I dream about you. We’re going on many years, I’d love a hug from you and to hug you. Simple connection with you. I imagine my life in the future very different than where and what I’am doing now.

Wanna know what I’ve always found to be comforting? The fact we both are missing our moms, the fact we both grew up really rough and had a lot of trauma happen to us, we practically trauma bond in this relationship. We’ve always put everything out on the table for eachother to see, hiding nothing. And the fact that we struggled through school and both struggle to spell or know the difference between their and there. We are misfits and I fell in love with the misfits parts of us. I don’t care what anyone says but you are down right my soulmate. A blessing I didn’t see coming. This bright beautiful smile that always gets me. You can lift me out of anything and I mean anything… all your pet names, the way you show your love so passionately. Like I’ll never fucking understand how someone could cheat on you or would even dream of it. How someone could treat you poorly or unfair and lack love towards you. Iam jealous of the placement of people in your life. They take advantage of the minutes and moments they have with you, I’d treat that 1 minute with you like it’s my last to be with you. You’re fucking gold and I love you, this universe loves you, my soul loved you before I realized I did. You know when the hear and mind and gut are all on board.

I dream of just 1 entire day uninterrupted with you. No phones, no wifi, just you. Laying in bed talking, showering, going on a drive, going and grabbing a drink, give anything for that. I was not joking that I’am coming down in the next few months, a tad home sick for my peoples, you, grandma, brother and bestfriend. Missss you fucking all so much it hurts.

[legobenkenobi]

alright, so, codywan is pretty much all i talk about atp, and i could rant about why i love it so much for hours, but the basics are:

the 212th doesn’t get nearly as much screentime as the 501st does, so, yes, codywan content is lacking in tcw. however, in other media (specifically the comics) there is a TON of stuff about them that is just so. <3 specifically these panels below.

the first one is… extremely self explanatory. “i still think of [Cody] with great fondness. i miss him to this day” EVEN THOUGH he has no idea Cody didn’t choose to shoot at him because of the chips. he genuinely believes at this point in time that Cody turned on him, and he still misses him and yearns for him.

the second one is a thing that drives me up a wall specifically, but every time Obi-Wan talks about the sunrise (which he establishes as his basis for hope), he thinks about or has a memory of Cody.

every. single. time. in this comic. and he doesn’t just think about Cody- he thinks about Cody comforting him with a hand on the shoulder or pushing him to safety and saving his life. he literally associates Cody with hope and trust. which leads me into my next point-

Obi-Wan and Cody’s relationship is fundamentally built on mutual trust and respect. Obi-Wan literally plans on sending Cody to save a bunch of Jedi younglings by himself, meaning Obi-Wan trusts him so much that he’s sure Cody can do it on his own, but he’s also putting the future of his people in Cody’s hands with complete ease. and, in RotS, he agrees that he knows Cody has never let him down and trusts that he never will let him down. they trust each other so, so much, and they respect each other more than anything, leaving their relationship to bloom in a healthy way that leaves both of them better and happier.

most of the people in Obi-Wan’s life want him to change in some way shape or form for them to love and want him. Cody doesn’t want that. Cody wants Obi-Wan as he is, and Obi-Wan is the exact same with Cody. they love each other for who the other person is and that is so rare in their lives.

and then, there’s the lightsaber thing. codywan has two scenes (one in RotS, one in s1 ep20 of tcw) where Cody returns Obi-Wan’s lightsaber to him (note that in the tcw one, he purposefully throws it to Cody). this is … insane because there’s literally an entire arc of tcw showing how trusting someone with your lightsaber is a sign of deep trust in a romantic context. and codywan has two of these. unlike anidala, codywan doesn’t do this as a show. it’s natural. it’s just part of their relationship. they simply love and trust each other and they don’t have to use lightsabers to show it but they do anyway because at their core they are just two people who trust each other.

there’s, of course, their banter. now, i know, Obi-Wan does tease almost everyone, and flirt with almost everyone, but the thing that separates codywan from other people and Obi-Wan is the ease at which it happens. there’s never a single time where Cody and Obi-Wan bicker because they’re genuinely upset with each other, while with Anakin and Satine and so on, there’s a genuine edge of tension a lot of times, or an actual small level of upset. but Cody and Obi-Wan know each other so well that they’re just sort of perfectly in sync the entire time they’ve known each other. they naturally have a rhythm and Cody understand Obi-Wan on a deeper level that almost anyone else, despite only knowing him for a few years. he can tell when Obi-Wan is upset (ie: “you seem troubled, sir”) and knows how to bring it up without sending Obi-Wan further into his shell. Obi-Wan is a literal Jedi, who is also a diplomat, and has to be EXEMPLARY at hiding his emotions, and Cody can still tell what he’s feeling and thinking, because he Knows Obi-Wan. he Knows him.

whirling back around to their banter, we get the wonderful line of “that sounds… entertaining” that Cody says about the idea of Obi-Wan being tied up. self explanatory. that’s very gay. and he also says it in front of, like, all their men?! yeah, ok.

another thing about that episode is that it’s from the Geonosis arc, which has a part where Obi-Wan is horribly injured and Cody sends Waxer and Boil to help him to safety. when Obi-Wan arrives, Cody is still barking orders at people, but when he turns to Obi-Wan he gets noticeably softer and his voice gets much gentler. he feels nothing but fondness for Obi-Wan and makes a point to show that even in the heat of an intense battle. they are the soft spot for each other throughout the war, and they are constantly shown to be saving each other and protecting each other and being kind to each other because they love each other and care in a genuine way that isn’t corrupted by selfishness or obsession.

then, of course, we have the scrapped script of Kenobi.

Cody was supposed to track Obi-Wan down to Tatooine and “dedicate the rest of his life to protecting Obi-Wan” in the literal words of the writers. they were going to “bicker like an old married couple” ALSO IN THE EXACT WORDS OF THE WRITERS. they were “secret buddies” who lived together and spent their lives together and would’ve been essentially married in every way that matters. though this isn’t technically canon, the sentiment remains.

Cody’s dedication and love is so fucking strong that not even LITERAL mind control could stop it. in tbb s2, he talks about his guilt and remorse for choices he Thinks he made, even though he was FUCKING MIND CONTROLLED. he’s got a mind control chip in his head, and he still feels guilty and awful for hurting Obi-Wan because that’s how much he loves him.

a Sith lords best plan, that took actual decades to get going, was what it took to separate them in the first place and it didn’t stick because Cody loved Obi-Wan SO much that he tracked Obi-Wan down to Tatooine of all places and guarded him until he died. that is, in the most serious way, love. and it’s good love. there’s no other explanation for it.

there’s no toxicity in their relationship. it’s strong and steady and every single outside force that tries to tear them apart ultimately fails because their relationship is just… pure, true love.

in the words of a wise rb i got, codywan is the incorruptibility of love in the face of deep and methodical evil and that is what makes it SO goddamn good.

it started with respect and trust, and that grew roots to form a beautiful healthy and happy relationship that contrasts everything else in the galaxy.

they are the good thing the other has, despite everything, and i will ALWAYS love them for it.

no offense to codywan shippers (ya'll are cool and create great fan stuff) seriously, codywan art and fanworks are some of the most detailed, and well thought out pieces i've seen.

but why do you guys ship codywan? they've exchanged like maybe, two sentences per episode they make an appearance in and its mostly about military affairs. they have a relationship you'd expect between like, somewhat affable coworkers. there's more evidence for rex and hunter than there is for cody and obi wan.

you know, i saw a bunch of codywan shippers and codywan fanart and fics when i first entered sw fandom and you know, i read some and thought "this is sweet. this is a cool dynamic. i could get behind this ship."

i'd like you all to keep in mind that i've never seen TCW at that point.

and then i watch TCW and i'm like, you don't even talk to each other. obi wan is in love with hillary clinton for some reason? cody is one of those rare characters where he has zero lines, but you can tell that he has a separate life outside of whatever bullshit he's put on screen for.

i see it as a "what could have been" ship; a ship that should have been explored a bit, even if the power dynamics are really fucked up, rather than yet another woman being fridged for a man. but like, what made you guys codywan stans?

i'm curious, so hit me with your reasons. i'm not dragging codywan-some of my favorite ships are characters that have exchanged a LOOK, not even dialogue. you guys have more basis than me.

[jess-the-vampire]

I think not enough people talk about how a lot of the conflict between Philip and Caleb comes from a ton of misunderstanding and lack of communication between the two brothers.

Because while yes. Philip and what he did was utterly terrible, this entire situation was also not putting him in a great position to improve or come out of his delusions either.

Having grown up in a community where he was fear mongered into hating witches, philip wasn’t given a lot of opportunities to consider otherwise or think of witches as anything but monsters. These kinda towns were very black and white about the topic and men who tried to defend those accused of witchcraft were put to death as witches pretty much instantly. So it makes a lot of sense Caleb and Philip conformed, it’s more then just fitting in, it’s also survival. 

Maybe caleb fully believed in witches being evil before, maybe he didn’t, but as philip’s only family and guardian, it makes a lot of sense he’d push for philip to dive further and further into these ideals so his brother would be safe.

This however, runs into further issues, one being, philip has no one to really pull him out of these ideals when caleb leaves.

Caleb, for one reason or another, chose not to tell philip about evelyn, nor did he seem to tell him he was leaving for assumebly forever. So caleb did have a change of heart about witches, but didn’t choose to do anything on his part to change philip’s mind, deciding rather to not involve himself in that at all.

Now, there could be many reasons for this, maybe he was worried about telling philip that everything he told him for years was no longer true, maybe he was worried philip would get the village and it would put him at risk, maybe he was worried about evelyn being exposed (Tho with her being an actual witch, who could wipe the floor with them, i’m not sure on that one)....

tho judging by how much both brothers care for each other and put the others safety how they did, the idea philip would put caleb at risk from their own town seems unlikely.

And when caleb reunites with philip in his memories, he doesn’t see him as a threat, so he probably didn’t do it cause he feared philip.

No, it seems more likely to be of two options, either caleb was worried about putting philip in danger by having him be involved in magic and thought it was safer for him to leave then put his own brother at risk, or....caleb saw the isles as a place that would make him happier and live out the rest of his life and thought philip would be better off without him on earth, under the impression philip was happier there and he was holding him back.

A choice he made for philip, without telling him.

Caleb, no matter what reason he had, sure underestimated how much philip needed him though, and how far he was willing to go for him.

And the thing is, as much as so many people say it’s philip’s fault for not accepting the real caleb, this situation kinda makes it clear philip never really got to meet “The real caleb”, because caleb chose to hide that part from him.

And there is a memory where philip seems to figure out caleb has been meeting her in secret at least by his teens, given he’s older then baby philip but not as old as young adult philip.

He may be around luz’s age at this time.

 Whether he confronted caleb about it remains to be seen but we also have no timeline of when caleb left philip and how much time it took for philip to get to the isles to rescue him. So we don’t know if caleb had left philip when philip was an adult, or when he was still in his teens.

Just that by the time he DOES arrive there, he’s a young adult at least.

All philip knows is the caleb he grew up with, he was never eased into this new caleb who loved witches and the isles because caleb made the choice to not do that.

So when philip finds out about caleb is gone, of course his natural reaction is to think caleb got tricked and was kidnapped. Caleb was part of the crowd who promoted the idea of witches being evil and tricking people, not to mention that for him, why would caleb ever leave him willingly? He HAD to be tricked and kidnapped!

And the he spends months, maybe almost a year, judging by beard growth, trying to find caleb and the dude is completely a different person then he knew him when he finally finds him.

He’s chilling with the witches, starting a family, and he doesn’t seem upset at all about leaving his brother at all? For someone grown up on these stories, it’s not odd at all philip most likely assumed caleb’s mind had been warped.

He doesn’t think this is how caleb naturally is and was hiding from him, he most likely saw the witches as having done something to him, because he never got to naturally get to know caleb going though these changes on earth, so it looks like something it wasn’t to him.

And we’re missing a lot of details regarding the knife fight, such as a timeline, where flapjack is, where evelyn is, what philip’s thought process was (Did he think he was saving caleb, did he go for evelyn and caleb stepped in, did he actually attack caleb in anger because he realized caleb lied and left him on purpose? ect ect) but this was bound to result in some fight between the brothers given the context of the situation.

Caleb probably had NO real harm meant to Philip at all, he’s had to be an adult while still being a child and now he’s finally getting to discover who he is and that magic and witches actually make him feel happy and free. It’s just because he chose to handle things the way he did, philip ended up misinterpreting the situation and feeling thrown away and betrayed by him and it’s easy to see why.

And why philip is so angry and upset by it.

Philip did still have opportunities on the isles to maybe realize things were not what he thought, but given he seems to truly think all witches are trying to trick him it seems like his stubbornness to not look at things from a new angle continued to make him worse.

And had caleb maybe handled things better with him, maybe philip could of come to terms like he did about witches, caleb was the character who was most likely to reason with him and because of the memories philip was still a CHILD when caleb was already changing his ways. It’s not as if he was already an adult by the time caleb was meeting evelyn apparently, he was still pretty young.

Maybe it would not of worked, maybe philip would not of listened if caleb had been open about how he felt at first, but we’ll never know.

And caleb is not a bad person, i’m not blaming him for what philip went on to do because he could never have predicted what his brother would do because of all of this. Just that it didn’t help and probably unintentionally caused philip to have issues he never could of expected. 

Philip had some opportunities to improve on his own when he got to the isles and he didn’t and that’s on him, but i can’t say i blame him for not automatically being happy for his brother given caleb’s own choices and how it makes everything look to him.

Their conflict is driven by a lot of unfortunate circumstances that are out of their control and lack of communication, more then you would think the more you look at it.

Philip’s not forgiven for how he chose to respond to this whole thing and how much were hurt from it, but he also wasn’t set up on the best course to improve either when the one person he cared the most for and had the best chances to help him chose to leave him behind without thinking everything through.

The comparisons to Luz and Camilla are warranted, luz and caleb are not malicious people out to hurt their loved ones, they were just thinking about what made them happy.

They just didn’t consider the consequences of running away from their problems and how it would affect their loved one.

It makes the relationship far more of a tragedy when you consider it all.

[felassan]

Some more snippets of insight from Mark Darrah, from his recent Mark Darrah on Games YouTube Q&A video:

Cut for length

[source and watchlink; there are many other questions covered in the video, which is 3+ hours long, so check it out]

On Dragon Age: Dreadwolf and related topics -

Q. "What is your most cherished memory of your time on Dragon Age?" A. "For me, it's always about the game starting to come together after Alpha, because that's the point at which you feel like the knobs and levers that you've been pulling on frantically for the last who knows how long start to actually appear to be connected to something and you're actually starting the process of the game coming together. So that's where Dragon Age is right now, so hopefully they are similarly enjoying themselves. It's also the time where things can get really tough so it's kind of both the worst and best time."

Q. "Do you have any regrets about your time in BioWare and Dragon Age in terms of how the franchise has turned out?" A. "So a lot of times with Dragon Age, I feel like, as I've been thinking my way through Anthem, to try to get ready to do the Memories and Lessons [video] there, it makes me re-evaluate Dragon Age as well. To a large degree with Dragon Age I actually feel like Dragon Age is on its best possible path. The things that happened are the things that needed to happen and there wasn't necessarily a better path. I don't have that same feeling with Anthem, but that is where my mind is with Dragon Age, so as a result I don't really have regrets. I have regrets potentially more about the consequences on the team on certain times, but largely no."

Q. "Do you know of any changes to the control scheme for Dragon Age: Dreadwolf compared to Dragon Age: Inquisition?" A. "I'm not aware of anything, I'm sure there will be changes for sure."

Q. "How do you feel about the cRPG revival and its potential impact on the future of AAA RPGs like Dragon Age?" A. "I think that what we're actually seeing is the AAs moving into the space that's been vacated by the AAAs. I suspect it's not going to have a ton of impact on AAA RPGs to be honest."

Q. "What influence do you think D&D has on Dragon Age?" A. "Bioware is a D&D studio back in its past, that's what Baldur's Gate is. Dragon Age: Origins was definitely trying to feel like Baldur's Gate, so I definitely think it has had an influence in it from its conception. Now I think it isn't actually as influential as it once was. BioWare used to be made entirely of people who play D&D, now it's made entirely of people who play RPGs, so it's not as influential as it once was but it's definitely in there."

Q. "Is it true that some game studio companies that are due to release games only to the new platforms are delaying their games on purpose, basically because of lack of hardware and stuff?" A. "I have not heard this. That's not what's happening with Dragon Age, I guarantee that, so. Could it be happening? Maybe. But big public companies like money now, 'even less money now better than more money later', so I doubt this is true."

Mark: "I know that EA, I don't know if they've changed this but, EA six months ago was saying 'we're all gonna go back to the office and you're gonna have to go back to the office and that's gonna be the goal, and we're going to support semi-remote work, but most people have got to go back to the office.'"

Mark: "BioWare has had people working remotely with great success for a long time, but, so here's what I've seen. 'Person' can work remotely, because that person is largely responsible for them remaining integrated in the team. The expectation is that they are largely a self-starter, you can largely leave them to their own devices, they will get the information on their own that they need to work. Groups work very successfully remotely because then it's a big group, the communication channel is relatively small, there's a producer on both sides that talk to each other, and this group is self-contained. You can give them a self-contained thing. The hangar in Anthem was built in Montreal, and they basically built it almost completely on their own with only a few touch points between Edmonton and Montreal. The place where I've seen it fail really bad is people working remotely, which is a bunch of individuals all over the place, the expectation is that it's unclear where the communication responsibility lies. It's not to say that this is unsolvable, it's just that one person works great, a complete cohesive team that's all together can work great. A bunch of people scattered to the winds maybe can work great but the strategies aren't always mature to handle that."

Q. "What is your opinion on canon endings? For example, how do you think BioWare would have to solve the problem with multiple endings in Mass Effect 3 if they decided to bring back Shepard in Mass Effect 4?" A. "I feel like, yes. That being said, Dragon Age is kind of been a little, loosey-goosey, especially in the linear stuff, you know, Alistair, who could be dead, is in some of the linear stuff, I don't love that. But I guess you kind of have to decide how close to the center you want everything to set, and the farther away you get I think the looser you can be, but I think you have to kind of at least care."

Mark: "So BioWare has teased games [early] for a couple of reasons. One, EA feels like their press conference is too light and they need something to throw in there that makes it look like they're not just making sports games. So therefore you get an early, early tease of Anthem, I think there was Anthem in 2014 E3 for example. Or the team feels like they're gonna get cancelled, so by making an announcement they make the game more real and make it much harder for the publisher to cancel them. That's the primary reason why Dragon Age: Dreadwolf was at The Game Awards in 2017. Or because they feel like there is some damage that needs to be fixed or some sort of conversation that's going to take a lot longer with the core [fans], that they need to talk to the core and have it out there floating around for a while to kind of let the bad stuff settle. That happened to some degree with Dragon Age: Inquisition, where it was out, announced for a while, just to kind've let all the bad gas around Dragon Age II dissipate."

Q. "Is it true that EA didn't know BioWare was going to drop the Dragon Age: Dreadwolf trailer then?" A: "Not exactly, because we were working with internal groups within EA to get that thing done, so, no, it's not really true, but the push was coming from BioWare more than it was coming from EA."

Mark: "[on video game journalism & Jason Schreier] "I would argue that, other than Jason Schreier, most of the industry doesn't contain very many journalists. Most of them are more like people who are reporting what the companies want them to report, which is great, it's actually what exists mostly in movies as well, there's not a lot of investigative journalism happening in video games. So for the most part, if what they're doing is reporting what the company is doing, they're not influencing the industry positively or negatively really. Jason Schreier, as annoying as some of it can be, is probably influencing the industry positively, he's forcing some of these conversations into the light, which is probably what we need." 

Mark: "I think Dragon Age, I think Dragon Age: Dreadwolf will be at The Game Awards. I don't know what you [the questioner] mean by 'announcement'. I'm kind of feeling like they might date at The Game Awards, because they're gonna wanna open up the pre-orders. But maybe it's still too early."

Q. "Do you think the backlash to Mass Effect: Andromeda and Anthem has negatively or positively affected BioWare?" A. "A bit of both. I think that someone once told me that everyone loves a fall from grace story, but the only story they love better than  a fall from grace story is a redemption story. BioWare has fallen from grace, so hopefully the next story is a redemption story."

Q. "Do you think if EA managed more RPGs instead of sports competitive games it would've been easier for BioWare to make more RPG quality of life features?" A. "Yeah for sure. Inherently, EA doesn't understand RPGs, same as they don't understand The Sims, and so it's always been a struggle to get them to understand why things take the amount of time they are, why certain features matter, why other features don't really matter, there's been a disconnect all along for sure."

Q. "Do the developers of Dragon Age: Dreadwolf request your opinions on some aspects of the game?" A. "No, they haven't been. I think that's smart on their part because they need to be careful, it needs to be their game, not my game. I hope they'll let me play it at some point but I have not played it as of yet."

Q. "Will we get Dragon Age: Dreadwolf streams [from Mark's YouTube channel] when it comes out?" A. "Yeah, probably, I'll probably stream it, we'll see how weird that is [for Mark to stream]."

Mark: "Dragon Age: Origins wasn't intended to have sequels, but now it's a franchise built to have sequels. The Mass Effect Trilogy definitely was an end, but we've already made one more Mass Effect so at the moment I don't think they should be ending it. There are places where that could've been a 'yes' but those places have already passed. I think there is a time at which you probably should let an IP rest at least for a while, but I don't think either of those franchises are there."

Q. "Have you ever been reached out to by the folks at BioWare to be more shush about their process? I can't imagine your crunch/BioWare Magic video went over too well with management." A. "Some people told me that there were people mad about the BioWare Magic video, but I think for the most part that it was received okay. I think there are people within EA that wish I would shut up but, you know, they had ways they could've made that happen, they did not do that. I have not been reached out to to be quiet. EA's general thinking makes it very unlikely that they would do so, and I think the average BioWare dev is at worst ambivalent, at best supportive of it over all."

Q. "How do you think the events at the Winter Palace will influence the next game? A. "So I suspect that the Orlesian throne will be reflected in Dragon Age: Dreadwolf, but I don't know how much it will actually impact because it has to be manageable."

Q. "Do you think the Well of Sorrows choice will return?" A. "I do not know."

Q. "Do you feel like BioWare/EA left Anthem behind too soon?" A. "Yeah so, I've been thinking about this, and like why did Battlefield 4 and The Sims 4 get so much time to kind've fix everything, and Anthem and Mass Effect: Andromeda didn't. I think the answer to that question is actually because of BioWare's structure, because there are people, there are teams that needed those resources, and so there was pressure. If you're at DICE, and Battlefield 4 is floundering, there's pressure coming from EA central to stop working on it and just leave it alone, but the studio is like, 'but if we do that, we have to fire a whole bunch of people', so the pressure balances them working on it. In the case of BioWare, same pressure comes in, but then the studio is like, 'ohh yeah, maybe you're right, we can put those people on Dragon Age, or we can put those people on Anthem', and so I think that's probably part of why it's happened. So EA wants people to move off, but then the studio isn't resisting as hard."

Q. "Do you think that the final decision with Solas, Redeem or not, will have consequences on in Dragon Age: Dreadwolf?" A. "I would be amazed if it didn't, given that it's called Dreadwolf." 

Mark: "[on the idea of removing classes in Dragon Age] I go back and forth on this because classes help onboard players and they make, they give some ability to do more strong things. I don't really like usage-based levelling up like Elder Scrolls has because I feel like it kind of heads me down a narrower and narrower path as I play the game, but flattening it out and letting me level up in a more traditional way, maybe, but I wouldn't do it in Dragon Age because I think it's too integral to the game itself."

Q. "Do you think we'll see the Warden from Dragon Age: Origins in Dragon Age: Dreadwolf?" A. "I don't know. There's a huge question that would need to be answered to bring them back which is, do you give them a voice, do you keep them silent, do you explain why they don't have a voice? I don't know if we'll see them or not because of that."

Q. "If BioWare does another open world, what should they do different? I always thought a big hub area would work well or just a large level?" A. "I don't think BioWare is equipped to do a really large level and I kind've don't think, for what BioWare is trying to do, it's the right approach because I think you want to have that big epic story. But a hub area is interesting becaise then you could have smaller things, smaller open world areas more like the bog or the Storm Coast and then have a central hub, so maybe."

Q. "Do you know to what extent 'project Joplin' factored into the development of Dragon Age: Dreadwolf?" A. "Definitely stuff from Joplin is still in Dragon Age: Dreadwolf for sure."

Q. "Where do you see BioWare heading at present, do you think BioWare is best when creating new worlds?" A. "I actually don't think thats been my experience, I actually think that on average BioWare's second entry has typically been its best, not the case in Dragon Age II but for externality reasons, so I think that usually it needs one to kind've shake the things loose. But some people just like world-building and the first one is definitely where you do all the world-building."

Q. "Is Dragon Age: Dreadwolf's combat going to be a big departure from Dragon Age: Inquisition?" A. "Don't know, guess we'll see."

Mark: "[on Dragon Age: Absolution] I haven't seen any of it yet, but it was in development when I was still at BioWare. I think most of the Dragon Age media has been pretty good, with a few exceptions, but I think usually the team uses it as bridges between new concepts or new things that they're gonna talk about in future games, which I think is exactly how you should use this kind of stuff."

Q. "What were you most excited about on Dragon Age: Dreadwolf when you were there? Gameplay and story?" A. "For me it's always characters, characters are what drive BioWare games and I think that Dragon Age: Dreadwolf is the one that's finally admitting that, so hopefully they can lean into that hard."

Q. "Will you go to the Dragon Age: Dreadwolf launch party?" A. "Guess we'll see if I'm invited."

Q. "Do you think that Dragon Age: Dreadwolf will have more accessibility options?" A. "Yeah I think so, they are becoming more and more common and there are now good AAA games that are providing a pretty good template of something that at least brings the conversation forward quite a bit, so I think that we should see more, I would think."

Mark: "[on modding] There's been no attempt to ever prevent modding [in BioWare games]. We did, on Joplin, talk about actually making the toolset accessible to the public, but there wasn't really an appetite within the Frostbite development community to do that at the time, though interestingly enough I don't think that's actually the case any longer, but it wasn't at the time, so it got abandoned along the way."

Mark: "[on Sandal] That's true, I did basically say to cut, specifically Sandal, from Dragon Age: Inquisition because my feeling was that if you put Sandal into Dragon Age: Inquisition you had to put Sandal in every single game for the rest of time, he then became a concrete part of the lore and he became something more and that's fine, basically what I said to the writers was, you can put Sandal into Dragon Age: Inquisition but know that if you put Sandal into Dragon Age: Inquisition you're going to be putting Sandal into every single Dragon Age game for the rest of time. [...] Sandal isn't done, so Sandal's [story's] not necessarily done, but I think by taking a break in Dragon Age: Inquisition now you're able to kind've pop him in and out, but if you had him in all three games in a row he became too central, so that's what I mean by, so it's not that Sandal can never be back, he needed to not be in Dragon Age: Inquisition if you wanted to have control of that situation."

Mark: "[on new IPs and different genres] I know that there's this feeling like, stick to your lane [BioWare]. I don't feel this. If you just keep making the same thing, eventually, like, BioWare has changed genres several times over its history. Baldur's Gate 1 and Dragon Age are not the same genre so I think you have to keep evolving. there's always a risk but I think you have to keep going."

Mark: "[on tactical camera] I feel like it's not actually really part of the Dragon Age DNA. It's part of the Dragon Age: Origins DNA, and we decided it was important to put back in Dragon Age: Inquisition. It was kind've a partial implementation, and as a result, I actually kind've feel like it's not part of the franchise any longer."

Mark: "[on recasting problematic voice actors] We have recast people before, there's nothing stopping BioWare from doing it again, though maybe it's a bit more of a hot button issue these days than it was before."

Q. "Has fan criticism negatively affected BioWare, like with Dragon Age II to Dragon Age: Inquisition?" A. "I mean, Dragon Age: Inquisition is in part in response to the negative feedback on Dragon Age II. It hurts peoples' feelings for sure, like it can be hard to work on something that people didn't like, absolutely."

Q. "Do you think Broodmothers will ever make a return, given some of the social commentary around them?" A. "I don't think so. I think they will be in the background and largely ignored. If they ever had to return for some reason I think they would get a massive visual redesign. I don't think so."

-----

Other topics -

Q. "How often is the expectation [within BioWare] of which NPC would be liked best met with reality?" A. "The first three characters you meet in a Dragon Age, the first three that fill out your party, are the ones that are going to be most engaged with."

Mark: "The project that I'm most proud of is probably Dragon Age II because it was essentially an impossible game done in an impossible timeline. It was such a sprint. The game I'm most happy with is Dragon Age: Inquisition. I'm most proud of Dragon Age: Inquisition because it's the one that's closest to what we were trying to do."

Q. "With the revival of Paragon after its cancellation, does this open the door for games like Anthem to return?" A. "EA is a risk-averse company. They would never, well okay, maybe never say never, but I would be very surprised if they were to ever allow something that they made to be controlled outside of their walls, because the worry that the executive who agreed to that would be is that they give it to someone else, it turns into a massive success, and then people are asked, they're gonna ask him why he let that go. So rather than let that happen even though EA would make money in such an occurrence, often what happens is things just don't get approved, because no one will question why the thing died as opposed to question why the thing succeeded outside of their watch, so, probably not." Q. "Should games be bolder in addressing controversial topics?" A. "I think if you include gaming as an entirety, I don't think it's shying away, I think in much the same way that movies in the, indie movies tackle topics that mainstream aren't willing to do. I think it's actually the same with gaming as well. But I do think that, for example, Mass Effect: Andromeda tells the least interesting of the possible versions of that story of a bunch of people fleeing the Milky Way Galaxy from an invasion of people, so."

Mark: "[on whether he'd go back to BioWare] I would consult with them same as I consult with other people, but that doesn't seem to be likely to happen any time soon."

Q. "What do you think of the likelihood that you could revive the Anthem project if you worked your way up the BioWare career ladder?" A. "I don't think it's very likely. Once EA distances itself from something it's very unlikely to want to spend money on it again. Anthem is in its current state right now because there's just not money for it, so unless you could figure out a way to make Anthem be in a studio by itself I think it would be very difficult to figure out how to actually bring it back to life."

Mark: "When BioWare first got bought by EA, I can't remember the exact number, but I feel like it is releasing 46 games a year, and now that number is like, 12. So similarly like the consolidation, I think it results in less risk-taking, probably not a good thing but you also are seeing more people chewing at the edges of AAA I feel, surprisingly right now I feel like AA is quite vibrant."

Mark: "Dragon Age: Origins had about under 200 [devs working on it]. Dragon Age: Inquisition crested 600 when you put everyone in there including the outsourcers. I feel like Baldur's Gate 1 was 65, back in the late 90s."

Q. "Can't you just say all three endings are canon but the next game will continue with this ending?" A. "But then by saying that, I mean you could say that, but then if you say 'it will continue with this ending', aren't you also then saying that's the one that's canon? I mean, you can say whatever you want, but it doesn't mean it's true."

Mark: "Some of the higher-ups at EA have played BioWare games in their spare time. On average, if I take the C-suite as a whole, no."

Q. "Throughout all the Dragon Age series have there been any missed secrets or Easter eggs?" A. "Yes, I couldn't think of any, but the answer is yes."

Q. "Do you think EA is really as evil as gamers depict?" A. "I think EA is a public company and public companies have a very specific goal and they've gotten very short-sighted."

Q. "Do you think BioWare has been bad at setting expectations?" A. "Yes. Yes. Quite bad, quite bad at that."

Q. "Do you think evolving story-type, game as service Anthem would have had will ever happen or be successful?" A. "I mean arguably, Destiny is kind've doing that so, kind've, but long-term storytelling in a live service hasn't really been done that successfully. I mean I guess arguably the MMOs do it, like the Final Fantasy MMO does tons of storytelling so, maybe."

Q. "Do you think Mass Effect: Andromeda could have been saved, a No Man's Sky comeback, if given more time?" A. "I don't know, because it's not how EA thinks, well it kind of is how EA thinks, [but] it's not how EA has thought about BioWare. Battlefield 2 had a really rough launch, The Sims 4 had a very rough launch, both of those went on to be very successful, so I mean, I guess my short answer is yes."

Mark: "I don't think Alec Ryder being the protagonist of Mass Effect: Andromeda would be better [than Ryder Junior]. I did provide feedback on Mass Effect: Andromeda that I felt like, that I said 'this feels like a CW show', and was told that's on purpose. I've actually thought about this more since then and actually I think it's this: Shepard is the protagonist of an action movie from the 80s and 90s. Ryder is the protagonist from an action movie from the 2000s, so there's essentially an intentional moving with the audience to some degree. I don't think this is the biggest problem with the story in Mass Effect: Andromeda. My concern, my feeling on Mass Effect: Andromeda's biggest problem is that it could've told a refugee story, it could've told a story about colonialism, but instead it tells the story in the middle of that that isn't the interesting version of the story. But yeah, I gave this exact feedback, that it felt like the protagonist of Mass Effect: Andromeda was very young and was very like 'I don't wanna do this', but that was on purpose. I don't think Alec would have been a better choice."

Q. "Is it true that EA can send devs from one studio to help those from another?" A. "Sort've. So not exactly, the studios are largely, they largely have control of their people, but a lot of influence can be put on the studio leadership to provide those people to the other studio. So kind've, but maybe not exactly what you're thinking. They can't just come in with the burlap sack and like scoop them up, there's some sort of negotiation happening. The bigger the project - so FIFA - the more ability you have to suck people in."

Mark: "[on remakes and their likelihood] You're not selling the same number of copies of Mass Effect Legendary Edition as you will of the next Mass Effect, so it's made way cheaper, but it makes way less money. EA has actually been very resistant to remakes as a general rule. Which is why you can literally think of two for EA, Mass Effect Legendary Edition and Dead Space. And I think in the case of Dead Space they're really looking to revive that IP potentially, as part of it. But yes, it's probably a market safety thing to some degree."

Q. "Is there a specific time or game development period you miss from when you were working at BioWare?" A. "The day you go gold is, you don't get to, that's a pretty powerful thing, but of course it was preceded by some pretty awful things, so."

Q. "Did you see a lot of pain from Frostbite having to be used on Dragon Age: Inquisition directly?" A. "My feeling is that Dragon Age: Inquisition approached Frostbite exactly right, which was meeting the engine where it was, putting lots of time into tooling and respecting the engine, trying to do things the Frostbite way as much as possible. I could not say that about either Mass Effect: Andromeda or Anthem however."

Q. "How much input, control does EA as a publisher have on the direction of the games they publish? Do we as gamers know when the issues a game has are due to the studio itself or the publisher?" A. "No you don't know, absolutely not, but the answer is as much or as little as they want. Sometimes they are suggesting direct features, usually not though."

Mark: "Games got really big because they could be really big, and then, yeah, the other content got spread really thin across all of that. I do think we're moving away from this, I think we're moving back to more focused experiences. I think they need to be balanced based upon the different game. I think Bethesda is very good at a lot of content with stuff all around, their narrative is usually a very thin thing that kind of knits it all together. BioWare is gonna be going the other direction, moving back towards a stronger center to allow that narrative to be stronger. I think it really depends on the game itself."

Mark: "[on the possibility of BioWare revisiting Anthem in any way] I think the franchise is probably not going to be revisited, because I think, just the way that EA thinks of itself, the way that it thinks about things that didn't succeed, I don't think it's going to be revisited. I think that's a shame because I think that there's a lot of good world-building in there, in fact I think there might even be an argument to be made to take Anthem largely as it is, change the architecture so it was entirely singleplayer, add in a couple of followers to be your party and release it as a singleplayer game. I think you could probably do that for under 50 million dollars, and it probably would change the perception of the franchise quite a bit, but I don't think that that's going to happen."

Mark: "I don't think BioWare is going to be allowed to make a new IP for quite a long time because I think EA will take, interpret Anthem problems as a problem, so I think it's gonna be a while, for sure."

Q. "Is Ferelden based off of England?" A. "Originally it is, certainly visually it is, you can see that in Dragon Age: Origins, it's like Tudor-land."

Mark: "So BioWare got bought by EA because BioWare at that point in time was owned by VG Partners, which was VC Investment Capital Group that had bought BioWare and Pandemic a few years before, so they bought it because they flipped us, they flipped us for money. Why did BioWare get bought in the first place? The short answer is BioWare didn't have any money left." 

Q. "Do you think Mass Effect: Andromeda or Anthem will be looked at fondly over time, similar to how Dragon Age II has become many peoples' favorite?" A. "It looks like this happening with Mass Effect: Andromeda already. I think people are actually a lot more positive towards that than they were at launch. I don't know in the case of Anthem. I'll be curious, I think what might happen is if EA's Iron Man uses a lot of the same mechanics and then makes them into a more cohesive game that works better, then that might be Redemption for Anthem to some degree."

Mark: "I do believe that if Dragon Age II had been Dragon Age: Exodus and it had been made more clear that it wasn't Dragon Age: Origins again it would've been better received, so yes, expectations can make or break the game, absolutely true."

Q. "Were there any new IPs made after Mass Effect 3, after Anthem?" A. "So there was Javelin, which was Trent Oster's game, but that was actually, there was Javelin and there was Revolver, but those were back in the sort've Mass Effect 1 time period, so no. There aren't that many teams at BioWare. In Austin there was the 4v1 game that was being developed, so there was that as well that was being developed out of Austin."

Q. "Was Dragon Age originally meant to always have blank slate protagonists like the Warden? Did the success of Mass Effect influence making Hawke voiced and more filled in?" A. "Yeah, it was always meant to be blank slate. The effect that, so this is sort've a thing that Casey Hudson caused, Hawke is probably voiced because Mass Effect 1 has a voiced protagonist and Dragon Age: Origins is probably not voiced except for the protagonist because KOTOR had voiced everyone but the protagonist. So within a studio, essentially those features became tablestakes because of that. I wouldn't say that Hawke being as strong of a character was influenced by Mass Effect, that was more just, we need something fast and quick, so the branching needed to be dropped down, but yeah, the fact that Hawke is voiced, definitely Mass Effect having a voiced protagonist is part of that."

Mark: "The KOTOR remake was offered to BioWare and the reality is, is that BioWare had what it considered better things to do with its time, so I know that Disney wants it, it's the one game that is most requested when it comes to Star Wars stuff, so Disney wants it to exist. EA said 'we don't wanna do it', so they found someone."

Mark: "[on Dragon Age character redesigns and why they happen] Depends. Sometimes it's just artists, because the artists just wanna make them look like something more. Sometimes it's for story or plot reasons."

Mark: "This is my feeling on the art direction for Dragon Age. Dragon Age: Origins looks like basically all the fantasy games at the time looked like, which is they looked like kind've Tudor Europe, little bit of art direction by video card there. Dragon Age II is definitely trying to look like something, so it's very pointy, it's very monochromatic, and then Dragon Age: Inquisition is putting new better technology on top of that to try to find a balance. So that's, that's the evolution there, there's an intentionality that's starting with Dragon Age II and continuing through Dragon Age: Inquisition."

Mark: "Cynical of me here, CEOs have less power than people might think. There's a board. Sometimes it feels like EA is run by its CFO and its board more than by its CEO. Not to insult Andrew Wilson, but I do feel that, on occasion, that he sets direction but then there are a lot of parts of the organization that are capable of undermining his direction if they so choose, and they tend to undermine in the direction of the status quo. So a BioWare executive in charge of the company, [they] could say a lot of things, I just don't know how much difference it would make."

Mark: "[on Easter eggs] Usually it works this way - Easter eggs aren't approved, they are allowed. So sometimes Easter eggs go in and they are not reported which can be a big problem, because if they get caught by the ratings board, that can be a big problem to your rating. So what's supposed to happen is, Easter eggs go in, and they're supposed to be reported, and then sometimes you go through and strip some out because they're just not acceptable, but if you force them to be approved before they went in probably none would go in, so you kind've let them happen and then you hope these people report them and then you're like 'no no no, you can't do that, take that out'."

Mark: "Yeah, I think the Architect was probably supposed to be in Dragon Age: Inquisition at some point, I don't know how far along that conversation got but it would make sense right, like, the Architect and Corypheus are kind've the same thing, so it made sense as something to be in there. I don't really remember how far that conversation went though."

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