#I WAS thinking this entire time how having a ton of people lacking memories is bound to cause trouble if theyre just let loose without

[dapperrokyuu]

ISLAND OF LOST MEMORIES...MAN.....

[damnfandomproblems]

Fandom Problem #6931:

I feel like there should be more "problematic" characters in fiction. we talk a whole lot about "problematic" ship dynamics or "problematic" themes

but we don't talk enough about the LACK of characters with flaws. with reprehensible morals and actions and you might be thinking " wdym? there's tons of that? there's so many villains." and yeah there are. but how many go beyond murder. be honest. how many are actually horrible people. most stories you see the villain is written with backstories to help the reader sympathize with the villain and understand why they are doing what they are doing. its still plenty obvious that said villain is in the wrong. and don't get me wrong those villains are still great and all but its very... bland especially when its just... good guy turned bad and is trying to get revenge like... that's not a flaw imo. flawed logic maybe. but it doesn't exactly make them a bad person. "so what do you want then?" you wanna know what I want? I want holocaust level of bad. that's right I want villains who are fucking racist as shit. I want pedophiles, I want lgbtphobic pieces of shit, I want genuine cult leaders with accurate depictions of cult tactics and manipulation, hell there's probably worse things I could list but I have a bad memory. I want to actually hate a villain. I want antagonists that I can actually hate and don't have to sympathize with because "boo hoo my family is abusive and neglectful please pity me and don't kill me for the awful shit I've done" I want to experience the rage of having to deal with such people WITH the MC and thoroughly hate the villains. I want villains who are actually bad and aren't just a sort of... peek into what's wrong with society to have made these people this way I'm tired of all the villains where you can mostly blame their actions on a failing society I want villains that are truly terrible and their actions are ENTIRELY their fault

like I can understand that may be a bit too dark for most stories, or y'know people aren't interested, but a lot of the time it seems like people are afraid to write these kinds of characters. probably in fear of being accused of condoning their actions because antis are just like that.

but please. I need real villains. I need genuinely horrible people with no redemption. who just need to be cut down because they are that dangerous. I need sick fucks who will never change.

[us3rnam3-r3dact3d]

Inspired by the latest Reductive Audio:

Lil useless facts about my fav boys/listeners. No hate if I didn’t include your fave, I was making my list off memory and am just now realizing I missed like… three entirely series worth of people.

Vincent

He prefers silver jewelry over gold, but doesn’t care if styles are meant for men or women. He likes what he likes and will wear it. He’s a particular fan of dainty necklaces and women’s wrist watches, but likes men’s rings better.

Sam

He smoked when he was human. Lucky Stripes, since they’re cheap. It was a bad habit he picked up when he was eight or so to cope with his home life. He lost the ability to be chemically addicted to nicotine when he was turned, but he still itches for a cigarette when he’s particularly stressed.

Alexis

She’s very jealous of Will’s attention. She gets twitchy when he’s paying attention to anybody else for too long. This results in spikes of her reckless and bad behavior. It started when Vincent was turned, then when he took in Porter, then when she turned Sam. The most recent was after the Inversion.

William

He cannot paint or draw to save his life. He’s followed five or six Bob Ross paintings, but they never turn out right. He can draw stick figures, but that’s about it. His penmanship is beautiful, though.

Porter

Will made him testify against his maker since Porter’s treatment was particularly brutal amongst Felix’s progeny. Porter didn’t want to, but he recounted every moment of Felix’s torture while being stared down by the man himself in front of the whole council. It was so damming that Felix invoked him to stop. That’s the moment that Porter still has nightmares about.

Lovely

Lovely is incredibly anxious around their human friends. They’re scared that they’ll lose control and hurt someone, even though they’re very well fed and haven’t shown any lack of control in the past. This results in a few months after the inversion that Freelancer thought they were dead, since they showed up on the casualty list.

Treasure

Their older brother is a humanborn freelancer. He’s an enforcer for the Department. They think that fits him well, since he was always sort of a bully growing up. Treasure themself is an investigative journalist who writes for an empowered newspaper. They were trying to get a table at the Monarchal Summit even before they met Porter, but that didn’t pan out.

Freddy

He played french horn in high school. He was pretty good, and was drum major in marching band his senior year. He threw up before every game because he was so nervous.

Bright Eyes

Singer/song writer. Y’all ever listened to the Mountain Goats??? That’s their shit. Slow moving acoustic guitar, songs about the most disturbing and distressing emotions humans are capable of surviving recorded on cassette. Singing at dead coffee shop open mics in the wee hours of the morning. Their voice is raspy and rough, but the texture just draws you into their even timber and perfect pitch. They’re a minor celebrity in Dahlia’s sad boy live music scene.

David

His hips and back hurt So Much all of the time. He figures out that it’s because he’s incredibly strong but not flexible in the slightest. An imbalance in those two factors can lead to a lot of pain. He starts doing yoga after the Inversion when it got really bad and it’s helped a ton. Plus, Angel does it with him, and he likes watching them bend into all of those poses in their tiny, skin tight shorts.

Asher

He keeps track of how much David weighs and makes sure he can comfortably lift and carry that much weight at the drop of a hat. At the end of every work out, he deadlifts David’s weight to make sure he can do it when already spent. He should have been carrying David after the Inversion, but he didn’t have the strength to do it even when not fucked up. He won’t let that happen again.

Milo

He needs reading glasses but refuses to wear them. He tried contacts but he can’t stand to put anything in his eye. So he just squints and struggles through. His phone’s text is blown up like a grandpa’s. David is so bothered that Milo won’t just… get glasses. He keeps passive aggressively offering to add Milo to their vision insurance plan.

Christian

He had a little crush on Asher in middle school that translated to teasing the shit out of him. Which, Asher being Asher, put him off and hurt his feelings. He’s well moved on but sometimes, when the sun catches Ash just right or he smiles that stupid, toothy smile, Christian mourns his own stupidity.

Arden

Desperately protective of Christian, especially after the Inversion. The first time Ash makes a light-hearted joke about Christian’s limp, Arden put his ass on the ground, despite Christian laughing at it.

Gabe

He drove a white Chevy Cameo with a red interior for most of his life. It was lovingly maintained, and since it’s such a rare model, he did all of the maintenance himself. After the crash, the truck was totaled. David still spent a few years trying to put it back together. He called it quits when he was working on the interior and found dried blood under the leather of the seats.

Angel

They have a small stuffed lamb that they’ve had since they were a baby. It’s beaten up, falling apart, and no longer the stark white it started out as. Lambie is kept in their bottom bedside drawer. They only pull him out when they can’t sleep. They were worried David would think it was weird, but he actually finds this more endearing than he can put into words.

Babe

They didn’t start talking until they were three. Their parents thought that they were nonverbal, and had started teaching them ASL as an alternative. Then one day at the breakfast table, they opened their mouth and started spouting full sentences. They taught Asher ASL and the two of them use it when they want a private moment in public/when Ash is overstimulated. (Side note; David also knows ASL, he took courses in high school. Very useful, he loves it. He does not love it when watching them flirt nastily in front of him.)

Sweetheart

They’ve had anxiety since they were a very young child, and it’s always been an internally-sourced thing rather than externally motivated. They recall the first time they ever got in trouble at school (first grade, for pushing a boy who had been tugging on their hair all through recess). They remember the first time they got a B (fifth grade, on a math test they studied for for hours). Their parents had high expectations, but Sweetheart was having panic attacks from the age of three. Definitely something ~chemical~ going on there.

Darlin

They feel pack bonds incredibly strongly. Their body reacts physically when someone in the pack is threatened or hurt, without them even having to think. They shiver when Sam calls them ‘mate.’ When David says something in his lovingly dubbed ‘alpha voice,’ they can’t help but listen. They knew Gabe was dead before they got the call. They thought Ash was dead during the Inversion because they felt David’s dread through the bond so strongly.

Avior

He’s unnerved by human’s tactile nature. Being in a body is strange for him, and he prefers Aria to Elegy (at least before meeting Starlight), so touch is an extreme sensation for him. Humans touch so much. He’s not opposed to it when it’s someone he knows, but handshakes are the bane of his existence.

Starlight

Halloween is their favorite holiday. They start decorating for it in August. They plan elaborate, complex costumes and parties. They desperately want to move into a house so that they can set up scary decorations and shit in their yard and hand out candy to trick-or-treaters. Avid lover of the Spirit Halloween animatronics. They go to Halloween Horror Nights every year.

Camelopardalis

He’s trained himself to use the human terms for things (ex: terra or earth instead of elegy) since some in the Department don’t like it when daemons use their terms. It means that he gets weird looks from other daemons when he talks to them. It’s an alienating feeling for sure.

Vega

He’s never tried human food. He never saw the appeal. What he doesn’t know is that he would absolutely Love dark chocolate if he tried it. He likely will never know.

Warden

Avid reader of the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle comics. Just the comics, though. They don’t have an apartment in Elegy, but they do have a small storage unit where they keep their comics. They coalesced a few years before the comics starting their run, and for some reason, they just fell in love. Vega thinks this is silly and that they should be embarrassed, but they refuse to be.

Hush

He loves Popeye’s fried chicken sandwiches. Doc fed him one once and it blew his fucking mind. He won’t make them with magic, either, he insists that they don’t taste the same. Doc has started just getting gift cards for him to keep so he can get one whenever and doesn’t have to wait for them to give him money. He’s ravenous for those things.

Doc

They’re actually a warder, not a healer. Hush’s presence has encouraged them to refresh their healing knowledge, however. Even if he himself is difficult to hurt, he sort of invites chaos.

Morgan

He uses his foresight to see what the owner of his favorite little bodega down the street is going to have for breakfast every morning. It’s his little morning ritual and practice for his magic. He feels weird all day if he doesn’t do it.

Seer listener

Their sight is more potent and more clear than Morgan’s. They can give stark details, see full landscapes, and turn 360 deg in their vision and see the whole space. They also can hear what’s happening consistently, something that goes in and out for Morgan. He figures that they’re just more powerful than he is, something that makes them just the slightest bit uncomfortable.

Damien

Gets incredibly stressed on election days, whether for local, state, or national elections. He forces everyone he knows to vote, volunteers to shuttle people without cars, and has at times volunteered to be a poll worker. But elections make him anxious. He cares so much about the results. Huxley has recently instated a post 9pm ban on watching the news on election nights so that Dames will actually sleep and not stay up all night stressing.

Huxley

Does not eat beef. Not for religious reasons, but because of the impact of beef consumption on the environment. He’s about one step away from a full vegetarian, he just likes chicken and is concerned for his protein and vitamin intake. This is difficult for Damien, who loves nothing quite so much as a rare steak.

Lasko

He was forced to take piano lessons as a child. He hated it, but took them up to the point he left home. He’s still very good, and did get peer pressured into showing off at a random guitar center once while out with the D.A.M.N. crew. He nearly died of embarrassment.

Gavin

He has a collection of very pretty rosaries that he uses as jewelry. He is not religious, and if asked, cannot describe what a Catholic is to you. He likes to wear them around his neck, dipping over his body since his shirts always cut down to his navel. It makes people gasp and blush, which is his favorite effect to have on somebody. His fav one has beads made of mother of pearl and a little, golden crucifix on the end.

Freelancer

They love cheap Chinese buffets. They claim that, the lower the health rating, the better the taste. Their desire for krab rangoons is strong enough to pull them from the comfort of their home at 2 in the morning if the fancy strikes. Damien in particular is horrified by this, and keeps offering to cook them some actual Chinese food.

Dear (Lasko’s listener)

An all star volleyball player in high school and college. They were a setter, and took their team to nationals all four years of high school. They are on the starting line up all through college. When it gets brought up in their trip that Damien plays casually, they said they did too. And then absolutely creamed him.

[emi-irl]

taking care of yourself 101

here is a (mostly) comprehensive list of things that I have learned within my past 3 (almost 4) years now of being independent.

PART 1 : physical health

1.) get your basics down. drink water, eat good food with nutrients, get quality sleep, and move your body in some way. these are the building blocks of a pleasant existence, the bare minimum required to feel at peace in your flesh suit.

1.a) drink water. this is important because you need it to survive and for your brain to function properly. dehydration has negative effects on vigor, esteem-related affect, short-term memory, and attention. I've noticed within myself that when I'm dehydrated, my drive to get things done tanks, and I feel like I've failed everyone I've ever loved. so, add your MIO if you have to, but drink it.

1.b) eat good food with nutrients. do this in any way that works for you. blend your veggies into a pasta sauce, drink smoothies, eat and entire spinach salad, etc. and also make sure you're getting adequate protein intake. aim for whole food sources as much as possible to ease any tummy trouble, but do what works for you. whole food sources typically make me feel the best, and actually feel fueled for my day, so I tend to aim for 80% whole food, 20% processed.

1.c) quality sleep. this one is difficult for a lot of us, seeing as 1 in three adults suffer with insomnia, but do what you can. magnesium glycinate has done wonders for me, as well as sticking to consistent sleep/wake times when possible, and sleeping in a slightly cool room. getting sunlight in my eyes in the mornings is also great, but this winter I've been doing that less because of the cold, so don't stress too much about it. sleep is so important for brain and body recovery, and for overall health. lacking sleep can make overall existence feel bleh and you won't even know why.

1.d) moving your body. you do not have to be a gym goer who lifts weights, (although it is great for your health,) and you don't have to be an olympic level athlete in whatever sport. moving your body is a necessity, just like breathing. humans are active creatures, its a requirement! so, do whatever movement feels best for you and that you enjoy doing. yoga, walking, swimming, ice skating, pilates, stretching, soccer, volleyball, running, playing just dance, as long as you like it, do it!! the endorphins released in your brain when you participate in physical activity do wonders for your mood and mental health, and having a well functioning cardiovascular system and any sort of muscle mass will help you tons as you age.

PART 2 : mental health

2.) let the things that hurt you, hurt. relax around your pain as much as possible. feel its weight. only then can you let it go. for years, I repressed my trauma. I kept it in its little box, I refused to bat an eye at the horrors laid within it, I made myself guarded and "strong" in the face of it. after doing this for over a decade, it manifested into physical ailments that no doctor could figure out, and an inner turmoil that soiled relationships and made me feel like a horrid no good person. I didn't understand why someone yelling made me want to sob, I didn't get why slammed doors made my chest sink to the bottom of the ocean, and I didn't know why I continued to hurt the people I cared most about. only once I opened there box did it all start to unfold.

2.b) let the things that hurt you, hurt. the more you try and shift away from the pain that is settled deep within you, the more it appears in your day to day life. the more you try and repress tears and keep yourself from thinking about it, the worse it will be when its finally time to face it. if you feel the need to cry, cry. if you feel the need to rant, or yell or scream, to wallow in misery, or sob about how its unfair and life is hard, don't keep yourself from it. let the emotion have its moments. only then may it pass.

2.c) relax around your pain as much as possible. babies can survive tumbles down stairs, and people who are intoxicated are more likely to survive a car crash, and the more you tense in the face of your pain, the more it will hurt you. practice Yoga Nidra, deep breathing exercises, and learn what being relaxed feels like in your body. anything else will work its way out from there.

2.d) some more practical tips. get your thoughts out, talk to people, or put it on paper. learn your triggers and start to understand their root. practice mediation and breathing exercises. if you're a menstruating person, learn and understand the different phases of your cycle. stay off a screen as much as possible, and instead indulge in hobbies. get as much sunlight as you possibly can. get outdoors and interacting with nature as much as humanly possible. sit quietly with yourself frequently.

PART 3 : environmental health

3.) keep your space clean. do your laundry. weed out unhelpful relationships. create a routine for yourself. your environment effects you in more ways than you probably realize, and once you start to fine tune it, the better you will feel.

3.a) keep your space clean. I can admit, this one is still a major work in progress for me. it's probably the aspect I currently struggle with the most. my advice is to start small, and really take note of your habits. always have dirty clothes on the bathroom floor? put a basket in there. have trouble keeping things tidy? figure out your most relocated items and give them homes. trouble doing maintenance cleaning? give yourself small rewards whenever you complete difficult tasks. don't feel the need to completely overhaul-Marie-Kondo your life if that's not your thing. start small. go from there.

3.b) do your laundry. this one is probably my second biggest struggle. but, knowing I have clothes clean gives me a peace of mind like no other. figure out what aspect you hate the most and try and hack it. hate bending down to fold laundry? do it standing up at a table. have trouble getting yourself to switch it? take it to a second location (laundromat, partner or parents home, etc.) so you are forced to do it within a certain time frame. then, sit back and enjoy clean socks and underwear.

3.c) weed out unhelpful relationships. have people in your life who constantly make you doubt the person you are, who have bad habits you don't want to associate yourself with, or who keep you in the box of the person you've always been? its time to reevaluate. the people you spend your time around have an effect on you whether you like it or not, so filling your circle with people who uplift and support you, who help you to push through rough patches, and you can feel overall good around is essential. remember you don't owe anyone anything. block the number. remove the friend. do what you have to do for your best version of self, and better people will start to fill those gaps.

3.d) create a routine. if you're a human, your brain loves predictability. it loves having a pattern. even if its something as simple as you wake up in the morning and drink tea, your mind will thank you for it. plus, being on a consistent routine makes your day to day life easier. you don't have to think about what you're going to do, you just do it. start by making a morning and a night routine for yourself, and make two versions. one is the bare minimum required on any given day, and the other if for when you're feeling great and have the time for some extras. and remember to revisit the drawing board frequently to adjust it to work best for yourself.

PART 4 : general life advice

4.) do things that bring you genuine joy. eat warm bread, sit in a sunny windowsill, compliment a stranger, play video games, draw silly little guys, take a million MacBook selfies, whatever puts a smile on your face. don't keep yourself from life's subtle pleasantries. relish in the fact that you are alive with a heart that beats and a mouth that can smile. take note of the small joys you experience in your day to day. within such lies life's meaning.

5.) keep hygienic. brush your teeth, wash your face, shower frequently, wear deodorant, etc. you don't have to do anything super crazy for this one, but keeping up on hygiene is a good way to build self confidence and overall honor yourself. you are a person worthy of care. remember to treat yourself like it.

6.) listen to your intuition. this one takes a good amount of practice, but learn to differentiate good vs bad feelings in your body, and use that signal to guide you. take a lot of time in silence with yourself, learn to hold your opinions sacred, and get to know yourself. ask yourself questions like its a first date, and take note of your answers.

THATS ALL FOR NOW FOLKS!! I may make a part two depending on how I'm feeling, and feel free to ask any questions! my ask box is open. love y'all, and have a great day <3

[nerves-nebula]

Sorry just saw a post saying you do actually DO get taught media literacy and critical thinking in English classes and I was homeschooled until high school, but Ive also been to three different high schools across two states of america- which isn’t a lot but is more than most people get (assuming that most people go to one high school for four years instead of switching schools every year) and let me tell you. The English teachers almost always had the same problem. And I generally liked them all! English wasn’t a class I super hated!!!

Even my favorite English teachers didn’t really end up fostering a love of reading into the material or actually critically thinking about stuff.

What they all liked to do was talk about and lead you into THEIR interpretation to the point of basically dismissing any other readings. At best you’d get a “that’s a good point too, but I was thinking of something else” and at worst they’d basically just dismiss it with a clear lack of interest. As if you didn’t “get the point” for focusing on something else.

I remember this because there were a lot of times when I was bursting to talk about the parallels id drawn of the assignment to my personal experiences but I was too embarrassed or afraid or annoyed to because the few times i or anyone else tried to speak up the teachers were basically uninterested unless you hit on the specific reading they were obsessed with. At which point they’d talk at length about symbolism and stuff that, while interesting to me, was also hella annoying!!

My English classes made me afraid to get into academia because they all made it seem like there were one or two proper ways to read a story and if you didn’t immediately come to one of those conclusions then you’d be treated like you were stupid or hadn’t actually read the text.

This post also claimed that English classes teach you how to spot misinformation ???? The only thing even close to that would be history classes where we would sometimes discuss propaganda. Most of English class is reading assigned literature and then painfully sitting through the teacher trying to lead us into their interpretation. And sometimes you get to write things.

At MOST you’re gonna get the teacher telling you that something an author says is incorrect or a lie or that they’re biased but you don’t usually practice how to spot misinformation when you’re not prepped to find it.

I gained more critical thinking skills from being annoyed by the teachers readings and tearing them apart in my head than I did from any actual assignments. But that’s because I already cared about stories! So i wouldn’t have even had that if I didn’t already have some kind of interest in the classes subject matter!

Does all this stuff you’re supposedly taught in English class happen before high school?? What schools are you guys going to because from my experienced, American high school English classes (like a lot of classes) don’t really teach you shit unless you’re already interested in the subject.

I also think it’s pretty useless and mean spirited to imply people who didn’t learn that stuff were just idiots who didn’t pay attention. It’d be way more helpful to encourage people to want to learn stuff after school ends!! Not just because learning is fun but also because I feel like a lot of people see learning as something you can only do in schools & such and don’t see all the opportunities for self improvement past that!

Sorry I have no idea why a single one paragraph post bothered me so much, I think it’s cuz it’s past 10 pm 😭😭😭 so slightly annoying things lead to entire damn rants. I don’t even know if they were talking about American education I just was suddenly flooded with a ton of memories and barfed them out here.

[hijinks-n-lowjinks]

Hi what about 1 and 12 for the fic ask?

Hi winnie!!! Thank you for the ask 🫶🏻🫶🏻🫶🏻

1. Which three fics occupy your top posts? Tell me a bit about the inspiration behind them!

I’m going to assume this means my most popular posts, so I’m going to go by hits

#3 - It Had To Be You: this is the first fic I ever posted so I’m not surprised it has some of the highest ratings on my profile. Sakuatsu was HUGE back when I wrote this and I think people were ready to consume any media about them at the time because this is not my finest work lol. The inspiration came from watching When Harry Met Sally (my fav romcom of all time, I rewatch it like 10 times a year) and I realized that the personalities of the main pairing fell in line well with sakuatsu.

#2 - you’ll always know me: my baby. My piece de resistance. I’m not surprised it didn’t blow up the way aibtntfi has as hq has a shit ton of extremely good fics so you’re never really lacking for good content, but I’m very pleased this is my second most read! The basic inspiration for this was that I was listening to Taylor Swift’s evermore album (tis the damn season/dorothea in particular) and those two songs reminded me a lot of iwaoi in the time skip. A childhood friends to enemies to friends to lovers was perfectly in the cards for it and I think I planned out the entire fic in like three days.

#1 - and i’ve been tryin’ not to feel it: no one is shocked except for me lol. I never expected for this fic to do as well as it has but now this fic is basically the reason I have a following at all! The inspiration behind this was seeing a lot of jjk tiktokers doing ooc skits and it made me so irritated that I had to write a Megumi and itafushi that I felt was in character for a modern au. It was originally supposed to be a short oneshot but here we are 12 chapters later lol

12. Pick three fics that feature the same trope. What do you like the most about writing that trope and/or how did you do that trope differently in each story?

Friends 👏🏻 to 👏🏻 lovers 👏🏻 slow 👏🏻 burn 👏🏻 Slow burns are my favorite romance trope. I’m aspec so it’s RARE that I’m ever convinced by an insta-love story and I think slow burns where the couple truly gets to know and understand each other are the most romantic sort. Honestly, the only fics of mine that really feature this and can be considered a slow burn are my only three multi-chapter fics lol

• you’ll always know me: This one was the most fun to write, hands down. The angst, the yearning, the passion, this fic had everything that I love I truly wrote it for myself. I think it has the most believable romance out of all of my fics and my use of memories/flashbacks at the beginning or end of each chapter really made the story and relationship feel so much deeper. I can’t rave enough about how much I love it.

• and i’ve been tryin’ not to feel it: This fic is a slow burn in the sense that they like each other the entire time but are both idiots. I did include instant attraction in this one, but it’s not insta-love. Megumi is immediately intrigued and attracted to Yuuji but he refuses to let himself get drawn in by him (he folds almost immediately). Their relationship has been very fun to write and seeing them grow together and slowly understand themselves and each other has been wonderful to write out.

• It Had To Be You: this one isn’t unique at all in the sense that I didn’t realize I didn’t have to copy When Harry Met Sally plot point by plot point. I waited way too late to start changing things up and adding my own personal flair to the storyline, but it’s still a fun time. This fic has the most standard annoyances to friends to lovers plot but I still think it’s quite believable.

[gemscales-and-tea]

I have seen people argue that Pinocchio is his own person, I've seen people say he's actually Carlo and that the game hints to this.

I would argue that, due to P being (audibly) silent outside of grunts or sighs with VERY limited opportunities to answer in any way or have a visible emotional response to things-- with some exceptions-- that it's safe to say it's vague.

I honestly think that this game's narrative could have benefitted from giving P/Carlo an actual voice and giving more opportunities to see him emotionally develop and show the personality he's slowly gaining as he becomes more human.

As he is... he's closer to a blank slate than an established character, it's just the smaller details that prevent him from being a true blank slate.

I think the biggest dropped ball on helping to clarify which is true when it comes to this puppet, whether it's Carlo or an entirely new being, is the absolute lack of touching on resentment that Carlo CLEARLY had for his father.

The memories you find make it pretty clear that Carlo was FURIOUS and resentful as hell toward his father. To the point that he outright said he wouldn't give a shit if Geppetto died, said after his father didn't even come to his graduation. That's a LOT of anger being expressed and it's been festering for years.

This is someone who, I would imagine, would react very harshly and loudly to his father upon encountering the man once regaining the memories of his old life, the memories of how his father abandoned him. Not to mention the fact that Geppetto literally set things up for P to kill Romeo, Carlo's best friend.

Given how biting Carlo was in the beach memories, I cannot in any way imagine he would react at all calmly toward the man the next time we see him. He'd probably try to throttle Geppetto himself.

... But we don't have any such option when we find Geppetto after his 'kidnapping'.

We're just given the choice to say if he's been a good or bad father to us and, sure, you can tell the truth to his face but it's still done in a calm and placid manner-- something that we've seen Carlo is NOT when it comes to his dad.

I think this is the big reason why a LOT of people think that this puppet isn't actually Carlo but instead a new consciousness born from the Ergo.

Because he doesn't seem to carry any of the anger and resentment Carlo is shown to have in many of those beach memories. He reacts too calmly to Geppetto after regaining those memories, after finding out that this man has betrayed him-- again, if you want to say this puppet is Carlo-- and the worst he does is just step away and look put off when asked to give up his heart.

Sure, we don't see a TON of Carlo's memories but his anger toward Geppetto is practically hammered in and, well, P just doesn't seem to have any of that anger.

Which is weird if this is meant to be Carlo.

[paceypeternathanslawyer]

Having listened to "Talkville," "Drama Queens," "Office Ladies," "Welcome To Our Show" and now the new Full House rewatch podcast "How Rude, Tanneritos" I have strong opinions on which cast hosted rewatch podcasts work.

1. I absolutely love the Full House rewatch podcast. Granted, only the first episode is out so far and it wasn't even covering an episode. Next week is the Pilot and this one was just an introduction and they did talk about the opening theme and credits.

2. Maybe coincidentally the podcasts that work have been the ones led by women entirely. My favorites have been Drama Queens, Office Ladies and now How Rude Tanneritos. No diss to the Smallville podcast but I don't feel a whole lot of enthusiasm or chemistry between Tom and Michael with Talkville.

3. I also believe that these types of podcasts are so prevalent that a lot of actors feel like "it's the thing to do" so there's no kind of real thought of which actors should host it. Like for instance, I think that if Tom and Erica had hosted Talkville that would be a lot more fun because they have such chemistry and a rapport. Also Michael Rosenbaum already had a random celebrity interview show prior to Talkville and so now Talkville just feels like an extension of that. It doesn't feel organic or unique.

4. The actors who end up hosting really make the show. With Office Ladies.... Angela and Jenna are truly best friends and you really feel that. You feel the friendship chemistry even in podcast form. Also they are very dedicated to it and are knowledgable. I've never heard a podcast that is quite so chock full information and trivia and previously unknown behind the scenes stories because if they don't know the answer to something then they do a ton of research and ask cast and crew the questions. You can also tell that Jenna and Angela are having so much fun together and they are really proud of The Office.

5. Drama Queens is hosted by Bethany Joy Lenz, Sophia Bush, and Hilarie Burton and it's another situation where you can tell that those three are amazing friends and really love each other. They have a perspective and they are really passionate about anything they are talking about. They are just a fun group of women to hear speak on One Tree Hill or even anything. They do go on some minor tangents but they also try to keep a good structure.

6. With How Rude Tanneritos I can only go off of the first episode but I just found myself entranced by the conversation because Jodie Sweetin and Andrea Barber are really good friends for real life. Also the reason they wanted to do the podcast seemed more moving and organic. Ever since Bob Saget passed away they've been wanting to revisit those old memories and wanted them recorded in podcast form for the fans, themselves and their loved ones to enjoy forever while they still weren't too far removed and could still remember those times to a certain extent. There were some funny moments and some fun trivia. I think that this is the oldest show to have a rewatch podcast for it which is pretty unique.

7. Welcome To Our Show I haven't listened to for a while but i'm a part of a popular Facebook group for New Girl and most people on there seem to hate it. Honestly the problem I had with it was the lack of structure and how little they talk about the episode they are covering. Also weirdly, I don't feel the chemistry between Zooey, Hannah, and Lamorne. Which is weird cause they have great chemistry in the show itself. I think this show could have been better if it had been Lamorne, Hannah, and Max hosting. Max has a really funny personality and I think it would have added some spice. And I feel like Hannah and Lamorne have great chemistry but honestly Zooey hogs the conversation a bit too much. I have nothing against Zooey, ever since the podcast I feel like a lot of people have come to dislike her. It's not even that she hogs the conversation to talk about the show, it's that she hogs the conversation to talk about herself and her other filmography. But I do feel like some people are overly harsh with her. I just feel like if you don't create a strong structure around the episode and how you're gonna talk about it then that's just bound to happen.

Disclaimer: These are just my opinions. Some of you may love Talkville and Welcome To Our Show and that is great. Also I haven't listened to them in a while so some of this stuff could have improved. If so, please let me know. I could use some inspiration to start them up again.

[stolencrownsofplenty]

@lambfated | Accepting

[THE TOWER] - What is the most disastrous thing that could happen to them? How would they navigate that situation/event?

((If we'll want to exclude having the gen*cide of their species being the most disastrous thing that could really happen to them? The second best I can really think about is them having a near personality/memory erasure of their entire past, feeling like their entire person had been practically killed to make room for someone else entirely who isn't even them anymore, that even their own resurrections can't even fix all the damages they suffered mentally. Before they became a god, before they found themselves fighting to give themselves some sort of freedom out of their own broken servitude to their previous benefactor, they were a mortal who had been a soft spoken and timid individual who was only ever known as an artist and storyteller to their own sheepy flock. They were a gentle giant, never being able to hurt a fly so much that their own family had worked a ton to keep them sheltered from the horrors of the Old Faith's cult lifestyle.

They lived a privileged life, sheltered from the very believers who often wanted to use their own people as gifts to the Gods and Bishops. But when they had been forced to fulfill a fate that never agreed to do in the TOWW's name? They do not remember who they even used to be, a little byproduct of the cat's doing as in the hopes they wouldn't betray him like the last of his other vessels, and there's very little they can really do about it when their very own crown had eaten up so much of their mind to make room for all the knowledge they needed to become the very cult leader to succeed for their losses. For everything that they are, for all the combat and knowledge they needed to be fluent in luring followers to their side, that knowledge had to be traded for their memories in return. It was not by their choice, mind you, but it has left them hallowed somewhat.

They don't know what's missing inside, but they instinctively feel the major hole in their chest of what they lack of their humanity. Their personality is still in tack, but something feels wrong. As if in their final death, their very being had been newly rewritten to just exist as the last of something that's more uncanny than its original copy. They don't entirely know they're not themselves. All they know is they have a body that doesn't entire belong to them anymore after they took on five crowns to give themselves some sort of control back to feel alive again. They cope having these crowns help replace what they lost. Reproduction was one of them, but having to have their taste and smell back was something they wanted more than having a chance to be a person again. They lost their eyesight somewhat, sure, but it is a cost they had to take to stay immortal.

Another way they've coped with the entire situation, since they don't remember their past or that of the traditions that must've grown up when with them they were little, they use the power they have to hunt down any villages that may've once belonged to their own species before most of them were burned to the grown. Books that contain the history of their people are often hard to find for themselves, and often times they have to fight just to preserve the little culture they have of that they lost. They may not remember anything of their past, but if they can help it they will try anything to help spark their memories back into their head. Desperation is a powerful tool, and it's probably the only thing that's kept them from completely snapping underneath their own hell made sanity.))

[thedreamspace82]

Time and time again I’am reminded of the poor choices I chose to make, I do feel I wasn’t 100% behind them in terms of what happened next entirely. I should have followed my gut, I think most I’am scared to move home, and I know I’d only be coming home for you and my brother. That town reminds me of a lot of bad memories with my family and mom. Moving here literally saved my life. I wouldn’t be here if I had stayed back home. I’am scared a bit you’ll never move here but also that’s not something I could ask of someone. I’am 1 human and you are a set of 3. So I can’t be selfish cutie, do I believe I married the correct person? Absolutely not, not for 1 second do I believe that. Do I believe or feel in love with her no I don’t, I felt a shit ton of pressure behind it all, and honestly I’ve given it my all here because I had a rule with myself that I never wanted to marry twice but honestly I probably will. Iam exhausted with love, it should never be this hard with the right person.

Laying here appreciating your “ can I call you” on my way home tonight. I look so forward to when you call. I try to leave you be most days and I simply just keep you on my mind in hopes you’ll feel it on your side. Do you ever feel like if you were with the right person you’d been a million times better than you are now? Like someone rooting you on and pushing you? Fuck I dream about you. We’re going on many years, I’d love a hug from you and to hug you. Simple connection with you. I imagine my life in the future very different than where and what I’am doing now.

Wanna know what I’ve always found to be comforting? The fact we both are missing our moms, the fact we both grew up really rough and had a lot of trauma happen to us, we practically trauma bond in this relationship. We’ve always put everything out on the table for eachother to see, hiding nothing. And the fact that we struggled through school and both struggle to spell or know the difference between their and there. We are misfits and I fell in love with the misfits parts of us. I don’t care what anyone says but you are down right my soulmate. A blessing I didn’t see coming. This bright beautiful smile that always gets me. You can lift me out of anything and I mean anything… all your pet names, the way you show your love so passionately. Like I’ll never fucking understand how someone could cheat on you or would even dream of it. How someone could treat you poorly or unfair and lack love towards you. Iam jealous of the placement of people in your life. They take advantage of the minutes and moments they have with you, I’d treat that 1 minute with you like it’s my last to be with you. You’re fucking gold and I love you, this universe loves you, my soul loved you before I realized I did. You know when the hear and mind and gut are all on board.

I dream of just 1 entire day uninterrupted with you. No phones, no wifi, just you. Laying in bed talking, showering, going on a drive, going and grabbing a drink, give anything for that. I was not joking that I’am coming down in the next few months, a tad home sick for my peoples, you, grandma, brother and bestfriend. Missss you fucking all so much it hurts.

[jess-the-vampire]

I think not enough people talk about how a lot of the conflict between Philip and Caleb comes from a ton of misunderstanding and lack of communication between the two brothers.

Because while yes. Philip and what he did was utterly terrible, this entire situation was also not putting him in a great position to improve or come out of his delusions either.

Having grown up in a community where he was fear mongered into hating witches, philip wasn’t given a lot of opportunities to consider otherwise or think of witches as anything but monsters. These kinda towns were very black and white about the topic and men who tried to defend those accused of witchcraft were put to death as witches pretty much instantly. So it makes a lot of sense Caleb and Philip conformed, it’s more then just fitting in, it’s also survival. 

Maybe caleb fully believed in witches being evil before, maybe he didn’t, but as philip’s only family and guardian, it makes a lot of sense he’d push for philip to dive further and further into these ideals so his brother would be safe.

This however, runs into further issues, one being, philip has no one to really pull him out of these ideals when caleb leaves.

Caleb, for one reason or another, chose not to tell philip about evelyn, nor did he seem to tell him he was leaving for assumebly forever. So caleb did have a change of heart about witches, but didn’t choose to do anything on his part to change philip’s mind, deciding rather to not involve himself in that at all.

Now, there could be many reasons for this, maybe he was worried about telling philip that everything he told him for years was no longer true, maybe he was worried philip would get the village and it would put him at risk, maybe he was worried about evelyn being exposed (Tho with her being an actual witch, who could wipe the floor with them, i’m not sure on that one)....

tho judging by how much both brothers care for each other and put the others safety how they did, the idea philip would put caleb at risk from their own town seems unlikely.

And when caleb reunites with philip in his memories, he doesn’t see him as a threat, so he probably didn’t do it cause he feared philip.

No, it seems more likely to be of two options, either caleb was worried about putting philip in danger by having him be involved in magic and thought it was safer for him to leave then put his own brother at risk, or....caleb saw the isles as a place that would make him happier and live out the rest of his life and thought philip would be better off without him on earth, under the impression philip was happier there and he was holding him back.

A choice he made for philip, without telling him.

Caleb, no matter what reason he had, sure underestimated how much philip needed him though, and how far he was willing to go for him.

And the thing is, as much as so many people say it’s philip’s fault for not accepting the real caleb, this situation kinda makes it clear philip never really got to meet “The real caleb”, because caleb chose to hide that part from him.

And there is a memory where philip seems to figure out caleb has been meeting her in secret at least by his teens, given he’s older then baby philip but not as old as young adult philip.

He may be around luz’s age at this time.

 Whether he confronted caleb about it remains to be seen but we also have no timeline of when caleb left philip and how much time it took for philip to get to the isles to rescue him. So we don’t know if caleb had left philip when philip was an adult, or when he was still in his teens.

Just that by the time he DOES arrive there, he’s a young adult at least.

All philip knows is the caleb he grew up with, he was never eased into this new caleb who loved witches and the isles because caleb made the choice to not do that.

So when philip finds out about caleb is gone, of course his natural reaction is to think caleb got tricked and was kidnapped. Caleb was part of the crowd who promoted the idea of witches being evil and tricking people, not to mention that for him, why would caleb ever leave him willingly? He HAD to be tricked and kidnapped!

And the he spends months, maybe almost a year, judging by beard growth, trying to find caleb and the dude is completely a different person then he knew him when he finally finds him.

He’s chilling with the witches, starting a family, and he doesn’t seem upset at all about leaving his brother at all? For someone grown up on these stories, it’s not odd at all philip most likely assumed caleb’s mind had been warped.

He doesn’t think this is how caleb naturally is and was hiding from him, he most likely saw the witches as having done something to him, because he never got to naturally get to know caleb going though these changes on earth, so it looks like something it wasn’t to him.

And we’re missing a lot of details regarding the knife fight, such as a timeline, where flapjack is, where evelyn is, what philip’s thought process was (Did he think he was saving caleb, did he go for evelyn and caleb stepped in, did he actually attack caleb in anger because he realized caleb lied and left him on purpose? ect ect) but this was bound to result in some fight between the brothers given the context of the situation.

Caleb probably had NO real harm meant to Philip at all, he’s had to be an adult while still being a child and now he’s finally getting to discover who he is and that magic and witches actually make him feel happy and free. It’s just because he chose to handle things the way he did, philip ended up misinterpreting the situation and feeling thrown away and betrayed by him and it’s easy to see why.

And why philip is so angry and upset by it.

Philip did still have opportunities on the isles to maybe realize things were not what he thought, but given he seems to truly think all witches are trying to trick him it seems like his stubbornness to not look at things from a new angle continued to make him worse.

And had caleb maybe handled things better with him, maybe philip could of come to terms like he did about witches, caleb was the character who was most likely to reason with him and because of the memories philip was still a CHILD when caleb was already changing his ways. It’s not as if he was already an adult by the time caleb was meeting evelyn apparently, he was still pretty young.

Maybe it would not of worked, maybe philip would not of listened if caleb had been open about how he felt at first, but we’ll never know.

And caleb is not a bad person, i’m not blaming him for what philip went on to do because he could never have predicted what his brother would do because of all of this. Just that it didn’t help and probably unintentionally caused philip to have issues he never could of expected. 

Philip had some opportunities to improve on his own when he got to the isles and he didn’t and that’s on him, but i can’t say i blame him for not automatically being happy for his brother given caleb’s own choices and how it makes everything look to him.

Their conflict is driven by a lot of unfortunate circumstances that are out of their control and lack of communication, more then you would think the more you look at it.

Philip’s not forgiven for how he chose to respond to this whole thing and how much were hurt from it, but he also wasn’t set up on the best course to improve either when the one person he cared the most for and had the best chances to help him chose to leave him behind without thinking everything through.

The comparisons to Luz and Camilla are warranted, luz and caleb are not malicious people out to hurt their loved ones, they were just thinking about what made them happy.

They just didn’t consider the consequences of running away from their problems and how it would affect their loved one.

It makes the relationship far more of a tragedy when you consider it all.

[monstersinthecosmos]

Can you elaborate onthe "lack of childhood" though? Sure he had the trauma from when he was abducted, then abducted again by the cult, but him growing up with his mortal family + those years with Marius (and especially since he remembers his early memories), I wouldn't say that's a -complete- lack of childhood lol. I'd say more of having to care for others from an early age (I'm including Marius here too, affectionately, the man was a mess back then)?

These are great points!!!!!!!!!

I have three basic concepts I want to submit here, and your mileage may vary! Some of this goes into headcanon territory so we might land in different places. My questions are:

 If you had a good childhood that you can’t really remember, does it count?

 Can a young person sincerely be that pious without it being manipulative?

What age does Armand’s “childhood” end when he’s abducted at 14, at the oldest?

We don’t get a ton of information about his life before he was abducted and part of that is because he’s so traumatized that he doesn’t remember—a mega Capital T Trauma happening as a young teen I think informs “childhood”. I cede your point because I think a lot of people think of “childhood” as more early childhood, and especially in the historical context of kids growing up faster, we don’t know that much about his early childhood. When he goes back to visit with Marius he talks a bit about remembering his uncle’s singing and stuff, so we have that clue that his family did things together.

But we also have stuff like

I stood with my head bowed. I let my temple rest against the mud. I wished to find the boy, so pure of soul, who had opened these cells to bring the hermits just enough food and drink to keep them alive. But I couldn't find the boy. I couldn't. And I felt only a raging pity for him that he had ever suffered here, thin and miserable, and desperate, and ignorant, oh, so terribly ignorant, having but one sensuous joy in life and that was to see the colors of the ikon catch fire.

He also immediately shows up and refers to his family as “filthy peasants”.

And it seemed I understood more viscerally than ever the atmosphere of purposeful gloom which had overhung my childhood in far-off Kiev. I saw again the muddy catacombs, and the half-buried monks who had cheered me on to become one of them.

So I’m admittedly really skeptical about most religions LOL but this entire book is Armand struggling with his religious trauma and like, when you think about it, cave monks aren’t like. Very typical?

When he says stuff like “purposeful gloom” and “cheered me on to become one of them” I can’t imagine a situation where this isn’t coercive on their part, that he wasn't being manipulated and groomed into a cult. And his father didn’t want him to join them; the cult was pulling Armand away from his family and life. And he mentions that the monks are all starving and cold like, it’s not like this was some glamourous life he could’ve lived where they were saving him.

He says:

I looked back at my scholarly brethren.

All were emaciated, dressed in cheap black wool, reeking of old sweat and dirt, and their heads were all but shaved. Their long beards were thin and uncombed. I thought I knew one of them, had loved him somewhat even, but this seemed remote and not worth considering anymore.

To Marius, who stood beside me as faithfully as a shadow, I confided that I could not have endured it, but we both knew this was a lie. In all likelihood I would have endured it, and I would have died without ever knowing any other world.

And like fandom can debate all day and night about like the historical context of Armand’s age, and whether or not he was a child when he lived with Marius, but I think a lot about how his indoctrination into the Children of Darkness wasn’t simply him being brainwashed, it was his relapse. So when you look at the timeline of his life, if you think of like, say 300ish years with a cult, does he fold that tiny blip of time with Marius into his “childhood” ? idk.

But yeah I think like, to put a finer point on it aside from “lack of childhood” what we really mean when we say that is like, some kids go through traumas that force them to grow up quickly, and for a lot of kids it comes with parentification. Like, it’s enough that Armand was a hungry peasant in a cold climate, was (possibly) groomed by a cult, and then abducted and trafficked. But I wonder what Marius did to him too when it comes to like, the emotional support he needed and how he used Armand as balm to his own loneliness, all the while not allowing Armand to have his own emotional needs.

People kept stealing him and it makes sense that he might find a place in that world, and become a leader. It feels like the end result of a long series of events of having to put others’ needs ahead of his own, and also a way for him to have some semblance of control in the situation he’s been thrust into. So I think I when I say “lack of childhood” I’m really just gesturing wildly at All This Stuff and how it connects and relates to itself in the end. 

His time with the Children of Darkness is a coming home of sorts; he still winds up pious and underground, and it’s like his whole life he keeps trying to climb his way out of it and always gets dragged back down. Like I think even his suicide attempt fits this as a relapse into religious crisis. He was doing so good!!!!!!!! ☹ Sigh.

And the thing about it, and reaching out more broadly to this concept of VAMPIRE THERAPY LOL is like, a lot of times children grow up thinking their world is normal, or a default, and the work we put in as adults is unlearning that idea and coming to terms with that fact that something was wrong. Armand might not have been traumatized by being cold and hungry and ready to bury himself in a cave but when it's time to dismantle all that stuff I think it's important to make space for it. And even saying like, the concept of Armand going to therapy is silly hahaha so maybe it's not literal, but, I think it's still reaching the same idea if you ask him to grow as a person, to connect with Daniel and reevaluate his feelings about mortality and humanity, to care for Benji & Sybelle, to create Trinity Gate and get back together with Louis in a new way. All of this marks growth that he got to have.

So returning to my original point LOL, I always look at the way he’s built Trinity Gate as a safe haven, landing spot, and how trauma can be so deeply tangled in us that it’s like, how much of this is me and how much is the trauma, when does the trauma end and my personality begin, etc, and like. The truth is that sometimes you have to be patient and accept that it IS part of you, and you can try to be healthy and productive and kind to yourself without simply exorcising all the bad parts. For Armand it can be: "I created Trinity Gate as a safe haven for my friends & family out of love and it also feels like a burden sometimes."

[felassan]

Some more snippets of insight from Mark Darrah, from his recent Mark Darrah on Games YouTube Q&A video:

Cut for length

[source and watchlink; there are many other questions covered in the video, which is 3+ hours long, so check it out]

On Dragon Age: Dreadwolf and related topics -

Q. "What is your most cherished memory of your time on Dragon Age?" A. "For me, it's always about the game starting to come together after Alpha, because that's the point at which you feel like the knobs and levers that you've been pulling on frantically for the last who knows how long start to actually appear to be connected to something and you're actually starting the process of the game coming together. So that's where Dragon Age is right now, so hopefully they are similarly enjoying themselves. It's also the time where things can get really tough so it's kind of both the worst and best time."

Q. "Do you have any regrets about your time in BioWare and Dragon Age in terms of how the franchise has turned out?" A. "So a lot of times with Dragon Age, I feel like, as I've been thinking my way through Anthem, to try to get ready to do the Memories and Lessons [video] there, it makes me re-evaluate Dragon Age as well. To a large degree with Dragon Age I actually feel like Dragon Age is on its best possible path. The things that happened are the things that needed to happen and there wasn't necessarily a better path. I don't have that same feeling with Anthem, but that is where my mind is with Dragon Age, so as a result I don't really have regrets. I have regrets potentially more about the consequences on the team on certain times, but largely no."

Q. "Do you know of any changes to the control scheme for Dragon Age: Dreadwolf compared to Dragon Age: Inquisition?" A. "I'm not aware of anything, I'm sure there will be changes for sure."

Q. "How do you feel about the cRPG revival and its potential impact on the future of AAA RPGs like Dragon Age?" A. "I think that what we're actually seeing is the AAs moving into the space that's been vacated by the AAAs. I suspect it's not going to have a ton of impact on AAA RPGs to be honest."

Q. "What influence do you think D&D has on Dragon Age?" A. "Bioware is a D&D studio back in its past, that's what Baldur's Gate is. Dragon Age: Origins was definitely trying to feel like Baldur's Gate, so I definitely think it has had an influence in it from its conception. Now I think it isn't actually as influential as it once was. BioWare used to be made entirely of people who play D&D, now it's made entirely of people who play RPGs, so it's not as influential as it once was but it's definitely in there."

Q. "Is it true that some game studio companies that are due to release games only to the new platforms are delaying their games on purpose, basically because of lack of hardware and stuff?" A. "I have not heard this. That's not what's happening with Dragon Age, I guarantee that, so. Could it be happening? Maybe. But big public companies like money now, 'even less money now better than more money later', so I doubt this is true."

Mark: "I know that EA, I don't know if they've changed this but, EA six months ago was saying 'we're all gonna go back to the office and you're gonna have to go back to the office and that's gonna be the goal, and we're going to support semi-remote work, but most people have got to go back to the office.'"

Mark: "BioWare has had people working remotely with great success for a long time, but, so here's what I've seen. 'Person' can work remotely, because that person is largely responsible for them remaining integrated in the team. The expectation is that they are largely a self-starter, you can largely leave them to their own devices, they will get the information on their own that they need to work. Groups work very successfully remotely because then it's a big group, the communication channel is relatively small, there's a producer on both sides that talk to each other, and this group is self-contained. You can give them a self-contained thing. The hangar in Anthem was built in Montreal, and they basically built it almost completely on their own with only a few touch points between Edmonton and Montreal. The place where I've seen it fail really bad is people working remotely, which is a bunch of individuals all over the place, the expectation is that it's unclear where the communication responsibility lies. It's not to say that this is unsolvable, it's just that one person works great, a complete cohesive team that's all together can work great. A bunch of people scattered to the winds maybe can work great but the strategies aren't always mature to handle that."

Q. "What is your opinion on canon endings? For example, how do you think BioWare would have to solve the problem with multiple endings in Mass Effect 3 if they decided to bring back Shepard in Mass Effect 4?" A. "I feel like, yes. That being said, Dragon Age is kind of been a little, loosey-goosey, especially in the linear stuff, you know, Alistair, who could be dead, is in some of the linear stuff, I don't love that. But I guess you kind of have to decide how close to the center you want everything to set, and the farther away you get I think the looser you can be, but I think you have to kind of at least care."

Mark: "So BioWare has teased games [early] for a couple of reasons. One, EA feels like their press conference is too light and they need something to throw in there that makes it look like they're not just making sports games. So therefore you get an early, early tease of Anthem, I think there was Anthem in 2014 E3 for example. Or the team feels like they're gonna get cancelled, so by making an announcement they make the game more real and make it much harder for the publisher to cancel them. That's the primary reason why Dragon Age: Dreadwolf was at The Game Awards in 2017. Or because they feel like there is some damage that needs to be fixed or some sort of conversation that's going to take a lot longer with the core [fans], that they need to talk to the core and have it out there floating around for a while to kind of let the bad stuff settle. That happened to some degree with Dragon Age: Inquisition, where it was out, announced for a while, just to kind've let all the bad gas around Dragon Age II dissipate."

Q. "Is it true that EA didn't know BioWare was going to drop the Dragon Age: Dreadwolf trailer then?" A: "Not exactly, because we were working with internal groups within EA to get that thing done, so, no, it's not really true, but the push was coming from BioWare more than it was coming from EA."

Mark: "[on video game journalism & Jason Schreier] "I would argue that, other than Jason Schreier, most of the industry doesn't contain very many journalists. Most of them are more like people who are reporting what the companies want them to report, which is great, it's actually what exists mostly in movies as well, there's not a lot of investigative journalism happening in video games. So for the most part, if what they're doing is reporting what the company is doing, they're not influencing the industry positively or negatively really. Jason Schreier, as annoying as some of it can be, is probably influencing the industry positively, he's forcing some of these conversations into the light, which is probably what we need." 

Mark: "I think Dragon Age, I think Dragon Age: Dreadwolf will be at The Game Awards. I don't know what you [the questioner] mean by 'announcement'. I'm kind of feeling like they might date at The Game Awards, because they're gonna wanna open up the pre-orders. But maybe it's still too early."

Q. "Do you think the backlash to Mass Effect: Andromeda and Anthem has negatively or positively affected BioWare?" A. "A bit of both. I think that someone once told me that everyone loves a fall from grace story, but the only story they love better than  a fall from grace story is a redemption story. BioWare has fallen from grace, so hopefully the next story is a redemption story."

Q. "Do you think if EA managed more RPGs instead of sports competitive games it would've been easier for BioWare to make more RPG quality of life features?" A. "Yeah for sure. Inherently, EA doesn't understand RPGs, same as they don't understand The Sims, and so it's always been a struggle to get them to understand why things take the amount of time they are, why certain features matter, why other features don't really matter, there's been a disconnect all along for sure."

Q. "Do the developers of Dragon Age: Dreadwolf request your opinions on some aspects of the game?" A. "No, they haven't been. I think that's smart on their part because they need to be careful, it needs to be their game, not my game. I hope they'll let me play it at some point but I have not played it as of yet."

Q. "Will we get Dragon Age: Dreadwolf streams [from Mark's YouTube channel] when it comes out?" A. "Yeah, probably, I'll probably stream it, we'll see how weird that is [for Mark to stream]."

Mark: "Dragon Age: Origins wasn't intended to have sequels, but now it's a franchise built to have sequels. The Mass Effect Trilogy definitely was an end, but we've already made one more Mass Effect so at the moment I don't think they should be ending it. There are places where that could've been a 'yes' but those places have already passed. I think there is a time at which you probably should let an IP rest at least for a while, but I don't think either of those franchises are there."

Q. "Have you ever been reached out to by the folks at BioWare to be more shush about their process? I can't imagine your crunch/BioWare Magic video went over too well with management." A. "Some people told me that there were people mad about the BioWare Magic video, but I think for the most part that it was received okay. I think there are people within EA that wish I would shut up but, you know, they had ways they could've made that happen, they did not do that. I have not been reached out to to be quiet. EA's general thinking makes it very unlikely that they would do so, and I think the average BioWare dev is at worst ambivalent, at best supportive of it over all."

Q. "How do you think the events at the Winter Palace will influence the next game? A. "So I suspect that the Orlesian throne will be reflected in Dragon Age: Dreadwolf, but I don't know how much it will actually impact because it has to be manageable."

Q. "Do you think the Well of Sorrows choice will return?" A. "I do not know."

Q. "Do you feel like BioWare/EA left Anthem behind too soon?" A. "Yeah so, I've been thinking about this, and like why did Battlefield 4 and The Sims 4 get so much time to kind've fix everything, and Anthem and Mass Effect: Andromeda didn't. I think the answer to that question is actually because of BioWare's structure, because there are people, there are teams that needed those resources, and so there was pressure. If you're at DICE, and Battlefield 4 is floundering, there's pressure coming from EA central to stop working on it and just leave it alone, but the studio is like, 'but if we do that, we have to fire a whole bunch of people', so the pressure balances them working on it. In the case of BioWare, same pressure comes in, but then the studio is like, 'ohh yeah, maybe you're right, we can put those people on Dragon Age, or we can put those people on Anthem', and so I think that's probably part of why it's happened. So EA wants people to move off, but then the studio isn't resisting as hard."

Q. "Do you think that the final decision with Solas, Redeem or not, will have consequences on in Dragon Age: Dreadwolf?" A. "I would be amazed if it didn't, given that it's called Dreadwolf." 

Mark: "[on the idea of removing classes in Dragon Age] I go back and forth on this because classes help onboard players and they make, they give some ability to do more strong things. I don't really like usage-based levelling up like Elder Scrolls has because I feel like it kind of heads me down a narrower and narrower path as I play the game, but flattening it out and letting me level up in a more traditional way, maybe, but I wouldn't do it in Dragon Age because I think it's too integral to the game itself."

Q. "Do you think we'll see the Warden from Dragon Age: Origins in Dragon Age: Dreadwolf?" A. "I don't know. There's a huge question that would need to be answered to bring them back which is, do you give them a voice, do you keep them silent, do you explain why they don't have a voice? I don't know if we'll see them or not because of that."

Q. "If BioWare does another open world, what should they do different? I always thought a big hub area would work well or just a large level?" A. "I don't think BioWare is equipped to do a really large level and I kind've don't think, for what BioWare is trying to do, it's the right approach because I think you want to have that big epic story. But a hub area is interesting becaise then you could have smaller things, smaller open world areas more like the bog or the Storm Coast and then have a central hub, so maybe."

Q. "Do you know to what extent 'project Joplin' factored into the development of Dragon Age: Dreadwolf?" A. "Definitely stuff from Joplin is still in Dragon Age: Dreadwolf for sure."

Q. "Where do you see BioWare heading at present, do you think BioWare is best when creating new worlds?" A. "I actually don't think thats been my experience, I actually think that on average BioWare's second entry has typically been its best, not the case in Dragon Age II but for externality reasons, so I think that usually it needs one to kind've shake the things loose. But some people just like world-building and the first one is definitely where you do all the world-building."

Q. "Is Dragon Age: Dreadwolf's combat going to be a big departure from Dragon Age: Inquisition?" A. "Don't know, guess we'll see."

Mark: "[on Dragon Age: Absolution] I haven't seen any of it yet, but it was in development when I was still at BioWare. I think most of the Dragon Age media has been pretty good, with a few exceptions, but I think usually the team uses it as bridges between new concepts or new things that they're gonna talk about in future games, which I think is exactly how you should use this kind of stuff."

Q. "What were you most excited about on Dragon Age: Dreadwolf when you were there? Gameplay and story?" A. "For me it's always characters, characters are what drive BioWare games and I think that Dragon Age: Dreadwolf is the one that's finally admitting that, so hopefully they can lean into that hard."

Q. "Will you go to the Dragon Age: Dreadwolf launch party?" A. "Guess we'll see if I'm invited."

Q. "Do you think that Dragon Age: Dreadwolf will have more accessibility options?" A. "Yeah I think so, they are becoming more and more common and there are now good AAA games that are providing a pretty good template of something that at least brings the conversation forward quite a bit, so I think that we should see more, I would think."

Mark: "[on modding] There's been no attempt to ever prevent modding [in BioWare games]. We did, on Joplin, talk about actually making the toolset accessible to the public, but there wasn't really an appetite within the Frostbite development community to do that at the time, though interestingly enough I don't think that's actually the case any longer, but it wasn't at the time, so it got abandoned along the way."

Mark: "[on Sandal] That's true, I did basically say to cut, specifically Sandal, from Dragon Age: Inquisition because my feeling was that if you put Sandal into Dragon Age: Inquisition you had to put Sandal in every single game for the rest of time, he then became a concrete part of the lore and he became something more and that's fine, basically what I said to the writers was, you can put Sandal into Dragon Age: Inquisition but know that if you put Sandal into Dragon Age: Inquisition you're going to be putting Sandal into every single Dragon Age game for the rest of time. [...] Sandal isn't done, so Sandal's [story's] not necessarily done, but I think by taking a break in Dragon Age: Inquisition now you're able to kind've pop him in and out, but if you had him in all three games in a row he became too central, so that's what I mean by, so it's not that Sandal can never be back, he needed to not be in Dragon Age: Inquisition if you wanted to have control of that situation."

Mark: "[on new IPs and different genres] I know that there's this feeling like, stick to your lane [BioWare]. I don't feel this. If you just keep making the same thing, eventually, like, BioWare has changed genres several times over its history. Baldur's Gate 1 and Dragon Age are not the same genre so I think you have to keep evolving. there's always a risk but I think you have to keep going."

Mark: "[on tactical camera] I feel like it's not actually really part of the Dragon Age DNA. It's part of the Dragon Age: Origins DNA, and we decided it was important to put back in Dragon Age: Inquisition. It was kind've a partial implementation, and as a result, I actually kind've feel like it's not part of the franchise any longer."

Mark: "[on recasting problematic voice actors] We have recast people before, there's nothing stopping BioWare from doing it again, though maybe it's a bit more of a hot button issue these days than it was before."

Q. "Has fan criticism negatively affected BioWare, like with Dragon Age II to Dragon Age: Inquisition?" A. "I mean, Dragon Age: Inquisition is in part in response to the negative feedback on Dragon Age II. It hurts peoples' feelings for sure, like it can be hard to work on something that people didn't like, absolutely."

Q. "Do you think Broodmothers will ever make a return, given some of the social commentary around them?" A. "I don't think so. I think they will be in the background and largely ignored. If they ever had to return for some reason I think they would get a massive visual redesign. I don't think so."

-----

Other topics -

Q. "How often is the expectation [within BioWare] of which NPC would be liked best met with reality?" A. "The first three characters you meet in a Dragon Age, the first three that fill out your party, are the ones that are going to be most engaged with."

Mark: "The project that I'm most proud of is probably Dragon Age II because it was essentially an impossible game done in an impossible timeline. It was such a sprint. The game I'm most happy with is Dragon Age: Inquisition. I'm most proud of Dragon Age: Inquisition because it's the one that's closest to what we were trying to do."

Q. "With the revival of Paragon after its cancellation, does this open the door for games like Anthem to return?" A. "EA is a risk-averse company. They would never, well okay, maybe never say never, but I would be very surprised if they were to ever allow something that they made to be controlled outside of their walls, because the worry that the executive who agreed to that would be is that they give it to someone else, it turns into a massive success, and then people are asked, they're gonna ask him why he let that go. So rather than let that happen even though EA would make money in such an occurrence, often what happens is things just don't get approved, because no one will question why the thing died as opposed to question why the thing succeeded outside of their watch, so, probably not." Q. "Should games be bolder in addressing controversial topics?" A. "I think if you include gaming as an entirety, I don't think it's shying away, I think in much the same way that movies in the, indie movies tackle topics that mainstream aren't willing to do. I think it's actually the same with gaming as well. But I do think that, for example, Mass Effect: Andromeda tells the least interesting of the possible versions of that story of a bunch of people fleeing the Milky Way Galaxy from an invasion of people, so."

Mark: "[on whether he'd go back to BioWare] I would consult with them same as I consult with other people, but that doesn't seem to be likely to happen any time soon."

Q. "What do you think of the likelihood that you could revive the Anthem project if you worked your way up the BioWare career ladder?" A. "I don't think it's very likely. Once EA distances itself from something it's very unlikely to want to spend money on it again. Anthem is in its current state right now because there's just not money for it, so unless you could figure out a way to make Anthem be in a studio by itself I think it would be very difficult to figure out how to actually bring it back to life."

Mark: "When BioWare first got bought by EA, I can't remember the exact number, but I feel like it is releasing 46 games a year, and now that number is like, 12. So similarly like the consolidation, I think it results in less risk-taking, probably not a good thing but you also are seeing more people chewing at the edges of AAA I feel, surprisingly right now I feel like AA is quite vibrant."

Mark: "Dragon Age: Origins had about under 200 [devs working on it]. Dragon Age: Inquisition crested 600 when you put everyone in there including the outsourcers. I feel like Baldur's Gate 1 was 65, back in the late 90s."

Q. "Can't you just say all three endings are canon but the next game will continue with this ending?" A. "But then by saying that, I mean you could say that, but then if you say 'it will continue with this ending', aren't you also then saying that's the one that's canon? I mean, you can say whatever you want, but it doesn't mean it's true."

Mark: "Some of the higher-ups at EA have played BioWare games in their spare time. On average, if I take the C-suite as a whole, no."

Q. "Throughout all the Dragon Age series have there been any missed secrets or Easter eggs?" A. "Yes, I couldn't think of any, but the answer is yes."

Q. "Do you think EA is really as evil as gamers depict?" A. "I think EA is a public company and public companies have a very specific goal and they've gotten very short-sighted."

Q. "Do you think BioWare has been bad at setting expectations?" A. "Yes. Yes. Quite bad, quite bad at that."

Q. "Do you think evolving story-type, game as service Anthem would have had will ever happen or be successful?" A. "I mean arguably, Destiny is kind've doing that so, kind've, but long-term storytelling in a live service hasn't really been done that successfully. I mean I guess arguably the MMOs do it, like the Final Fantasy MMO does tons of storytelling so, maybe."

Q. "Do you think Mass Effect: Andromeda could have been saved, a No Man's Sky comeback, if given more time?" A. "I don't know, because it's not how EA thinks, well it kind of is how EA thinks, [but] it's not how EA has thought about BioWare. Battlefield 2 had a really rough launch, The Sims 4 had a very rough launch, both of those went on to be very successful, so I mean, I guess my short answer is yes."

Mark: "I don't think Alec Ryder being the protagonist of Mass Effect: Andromeda would be better [than Ryder Junior]. I did provide feedback on Mass Effect: Andromeda that I felt like, that I said 'this feels like a CW show', and was told that's on purpose. I've actually thought about this more since then and actually I think it's this: Shepard is the protagonist of an action movie from the 80s and 90s. Ryder is the protagonist from an action movie from the 2000s, so there's essentially an intentional moving with the audience to some degree. I don't think this is the biggest problem with the story in Mass Effect: Andromeda. My concern, my feeling on Mass Effect: Andromeda's biggest problem is that it could've told a refugee story, it could've told a story about colonialism, but instead it tells the story in the middle of that that isn't the interesting version of the story. But yeah, I gave this exact feedback, that it felt like the protagonist of Mass Effect: Andromeda was very young and was very like 'I don't wanna do this', but that was on purpose. I don't think Alec would have been a better choice."

Q. "Is it true that EA can send devs from one studio to help those from another?" A. "Sort've. So not exactly, the studios are largely, they largely have control of their people, but a lot of influence can be put on the studio leadership to provide those people to the other studio. So kind've, but maybe not exactly what you're thinking. They can't just come in with the burlap sack and like scoop them up, there's some sort of negotiation happening. The bigger the project - so FIFA - the more ability you have to suck people in."

Mark: "[on remakes and their likelihood] You're not selling the same number of copies of Mass Effect Legendary Edition as you will of the next Mass Effect, so it's made way cheaper, but it makes way less money. EA has actually been very resistant to remakes as a general rule. Which is why you can literally think of two for EA, Mass Effect Legendary Edition and Dead Space. And I think in the case of Dead Space they're really looking to revive that IP potentially, as part of it. But yes, it's probably a market safety thing to some degree."

Q. "Is there a specific time or game development period you miss from when you were working at BioWare?" A. "The day you go gold is, you don't get to, that's a pretty powerful thing, but of course it was preceded by some pretty awful things, so."

Q. "Did you see a lot of pain from Frostbite having to be used on Dragon Age: Inquisition directly?" A. "My feeling is that Dragon Age: Inquisition approached Frostbite exactly right, which was meeting the engine where it was, putting lots of time into tooling and respecting the engine, trying to do things the Frostbite way as much as possible. I could not say that about either Mass Effect: Andromeda or Anthem however."

Q. "How much input, control does EA as a publisher have on the direction of the games they publish? Do we as gamers know when the issues a game has are due to the studio itself or the publisher?" A. "No you don't know, absolutely not, but the answer is as much or as little as they want. Sometimes they are suggesting direct features, usually not though."

Mark: "Games got really big because they could be really big, and then, yeah, the other content got spread really thin across all of that. I do think we're moving away from this, I think we're moving back to more focused experiences. I think they need to be balanced based upon the different game. I think Bethesda is very good at a lot of content with stuff all around, their narrative is usually a very thin thing that kind of knits it all together. BioWare is gonna be going the other direction, moving back towards a stronger center to allow that narrative to be stronger. I think it really depends on the game itself."

Mark: "[on the possibility of BioWare revisiting Anthem in any way] I think the franchise is probably not going to be revisited, because I think, just the way that EA thinks of itself, the way that it thinks about things that didn't succeed, I don't think it's going to be revisited. I think that's a shame because I think that there's a lot of good world-building in there, in fact I think there might even be an argument to be made to take Anthem largely as it is, change the architecture so it was entirely singleplayer, add in a couple of followers to be your party and release it as a singleplayer game. I think you could probably do that for under 50 million dollars, and it probably would change the perception of the franchise quite a bit, but I don't think that that's going to happen."

Mark: "I don't think BioWare is going to be allowed to make a new IP for quite a long time because I think EA will take, interpret Anthem problems as a problem, so I think it's gonna be a while, for sure."

Q. "Is Ferelden based off of England?" A. "Originally it is, certainly visually it is, you can see that in Dragon Age: Origins, it's like Tudor-land."

Mark: "So BioWare got bought by EA because BioWare at that point in time was owned by VG Partners, which was VC Investment Capital Group that had bought BioWare and Pandemic a few years before, so they bought it because they flipped us, they flipped us for money. Why did BioWare get bought in the first place? The short answer is BioWare didn't have any money left." 

Q. "Do you think Mass Effect: Andromeda or Anthem will be looked at fondly over time, similar to how Dragon Age II has become many peoples' favorite?" A. "It looks like this happening with Mass Effect: Andromeda already. I think people are actually a lot more positive towards that than they were at launch. I don't know in the case of Anthem. I'll be curious, I think what might happen is if EA's Iron Man uses a lot of the same mechanics and then makes them into a more cohesive game that works better, then that might be Redemption for Anthem to some degree."

Mark: "I do believe that if Dragon Age II had been Dragon Age: Exodus and it had been made more clear that it wasn't Dragon Age: Origins again it would've been better received, so yes, expectations can make or break the game, absolutely true."

Q. "Were there any new IPs made after Mass Effect 3, after Anthem?" A. "So there was Javelin, which was Trent Oster's game, but that was actually, there was Javelin and there was Revolver, but those were back in the sort've Mass Effect 1 time period, so no. There aren't that many teams at BioWare. In Austin there was the 4v1 game that was being developed, so there was that as well that was being developed out of Austin."

Q. "Was Dragon Age originally meant to always have blank slate protagonists like the Warden? Did the success of Mass Effect influence making Hawke voiced and more filled in?" A. "Yeah, it was always meant to be blank slate. The effect that, so this is sort've a thing that Casey Hudson caused, Hawke is probably voiced because Mass Effect 1 has a voiced protagonist and Dragon Age: Origins is probably not voiced except for the protagonist because KOTOR had voiced everyone but the protagonist. So within a studio, essentially those features became tablestakes because of that. I wouldn't say that Hawke being as strong of a character was influenced by Mass Effect, that was more just, we need something fast and quick, so the branching needed to be dropped down, but yeah, the fact that Hawke is voiced, definitely Mass Effect having a voiced protagonist is part of that."

Mark: "The KOTOR remake was offered to BioWare and the reality is, is that BioWare had what it considered better things to do with its time, so I know that Disney wants it, it's the one game that is most requested when it comes to Star Wars stuff, so Disney wants it to exist. EA said 'we don't wanna do it', so they found someone."

Mark: "[on Dragon Age character redesigns and why they happen] Depends. Sometimes it's just artists, because the artists just wanna make them look like something more. Sometimes it's for story or plot reasons."

Mark: "This is my feeling on the art direction for Dragon Age. Dragon Age: Origins looks like basically all the fantasy games at the time looked like, which is they looked like kind've Tudor Europe, little bit of art direction by video card there. Dragon Age II is definitely trying to look like something, so it's very pointy, it's very monochromatic, and then Dragon Age: Inquisition is putting new better technology on top of that to try to find a balance. So that's, that's the evolution there, there's an intentionality that's starting with Dragon Age II and continuing through Dragon Age: Inquisition."

Mark: "Cynical of me here, CEOs have less power than people might think. There's a board. Sometimes it feels like EA is run by its CFO and its board more than by its CEO. Not to insult Andrew Wilson, but I do feel that, on occasion, that he sets direction but then there are a lot of parts of the organization that are capable of undermining his direction if they so choose, and they tend to undermine in the direction of the status quo. So a BioWare executive in charge of the company, [they] could say a lot of things, I just don't know how much difference it would make."

Mark: "[on Easter eggs] Usually it works this way - Easter eggs aren't approved, they are allowed. So sometimes Easter eggs go in and they are not reported which can be a big problem, because if they get caught by the ratings board, that can be a big problem to your rating. So what's supposed to happen is, Easter eggs go in, and they're supposed to be reported, and then sometimes you go through and strip some out because they're just not acceptable, but if you force them to be approved before they went in probably none would go in, so you kind've let them happen and then you hope these people report them and then you're like 'no no no, you can't do that, take that out'."

Mark: "Yeah, I think the Architect was probably supposed to be in Dragon Age: Inquisition at some point, I don't know how far along that conversation got but it would make sense right, like, the Architect and Corypheus are kind've the same thing, so it made sense as something to be in there. I don't really remember how far that conversation went though."

[source and watchlink]

[youwerenevermeanttofeelalone]

The Kind that Never Slows Down | Damian Wayne

✦ pairing — older!Damian Wayne x female!Plus Size Reader

✦ word count — 10k

✦ summary — Gotham is hit with a spell that changes your perception of Damian forever.

✦ warnings — nsfw, semi-public sex, non-con sex (not really but just to be safe), angst, language, light jealousy, light possessiveness, mentions of food, smut, unprotected sex (please don’t do this), consensual sex, vaginal sex, cunnilingus, fluff.

✦ author's note — this one should’ve been published a long time ago, but I just got around editing it. Hope you like it.

════════════════════════

The abandoned building smelled like piss and mold, the only light available entered through a broken window, and you were pretty sure you had heard rats roaming around.

But you didn’t care. Robin’s hands were all over you, plump lips sucking on your neck like his life depended on it as he pounded into you.

It wasn’t enough.

He had skipped foreplay on your insistence. You needed him more than anything, if he didn’t fuck you right there in that moment you wouldn’t be able to survive.

He grunted out of pleasure as you clenched around him, gripping your hips to ground himself as he picked up his already relentless pace.

It still wasn’t enough.

Having his cum down your thighs and marks over your neck from his kisses wasn’t enough either. Your body craved all of him, including his whining and abrasive words.

Noise outside prompted him to part from you completely. Both of you fixed yourselves as best as you could in silence, avoiding looking at the other.

You followed him outside with a sense of guilt hovering over you like a dark cloud. You felt like you had just gotten out of a trance after committing the worst of the crimes.

Nightwing stopped you by yelling, “Where were you? I looked for you two everywhere.”

“We were looking for you,” Robin lied smoothly.

Nightwing’s shoulders slumped as he nodded. “Well, Zatana undid the spell.”

Suddenly Damian’s urgent voice as he said he needed you made all the sense in the world. His need for you and your need for him had been magic-induced.

Of course it had been! You two were mere acquaintances who fought all the time for the most minimal things in the world or ignored the other to the point of making people around you uncomfortable. It was a surprise that you worked well together at night.

“A lust spell, right?”

“Well, no,” Nightwing chuckled. “According to her, the spell showed people what their heart desires the most.”

Robin stiffened beside you, and you felt every drop of blood drain from your face and fall to your feet.

“Did you hear a lot of people having sex?”

“Yeah,” you croaked. “Tons of them.”

The moment you got home, you ripped your suit off and walked into the shower. You washed his cum off you, scrubbing your body twice just to make sure.

Wishing the soap could erase the marks on your neck and the memory of the way he had moaned your name, you decided to take a pill to sleep.

You hadn’t needed one of those in months, but Damian was that special. Or annoying.

God, you hated him and his stupid ego. He would surely find funny the lengths you would have to go to put this in the past.

He loved being the center of attention as much as he hated you, that was why you always tried your best to avoid him. When you didn’t avoid him, he made weird faces at you and scoffed every time you laughed.

Turning the lamp off, you hoped for the best.

Meanwhile, Damian ignored Dick’s inquiries. Why did his brother care if he was extremely quiet or if he looked like he was about to explode?

Your scent was all over him, still bewitching him, overpowering his sweat and the smell of everybody around him.

Looking down at his hands, the gloved palms that had hours before gripped and traced as much of your body as your suit had allowed him to, Damian clenched his jaw.

How could he have been so stupid? There was no other reason for you to beg him to fuck you the way you had — magic! He fucking hated magic.

But Dick’s explanation... that was worse. More stupid. He hated it too. His brother had to be wrong.

It wouldn’t be the first time someone from his family was wrong regarding magic, and Zatanna while an expert had her own biases.

Besides, his heart could have been desiring to get off the most just like yours. The two of you were busy people after all.

“Did the spell show you anything, Dami?”

The prettiest face he had seen in his entire life. “A pet demon.”

He regretted the lie the moment he said it. Damian wished a lot of things could be different. His mother would be furious if she knew how sentimental he was becoming, if she found out how often he gave into wishful thinking.

For once, he wanted to be open. But as always something was stopping him. Sometimes he wondered if he had been born to be like that or if his grandfather had simply lied.

Leaving the cave the moment he was dismissed, he trotted upstairs almost praying Dick wouldn’t follow him.

He couldn’t stop replaying the way you clung to him, or the harshness of your kiss. It had felt real, and too perfect to be happening to him all at once.

But you hated him, everybody and their mother knew that.

════════════════════════

Barbara had never been subtle around you. There had never been a need for such a thing — she was like the older sister you never had, you two carried the other’s secrets and burdens.

Back when you met her, barely as a teen, she provided a safe place you only had ever dreamt of having. You vowed to give it all back; she deserved it.

“What’s up with the turtleneck?” She asked, unsubtly so with her bright eyes on your neck.

“I have a cold,” you feigned a rasp. Perhaps this secret wouldn’t be shared.

“Mmmh. Really?” She poured herself a cup of coffee. “Dick said Damian was feeling under the weather too.”

Yup. Definitely not sharing. It would be embarrassing. She had always had the theory that you were in love with Damian just because you complained about him on a weekly basis.

It was like she had never met him.

In a way, the theory was correct. But it lacked a lot of details — a spell had confirmed it from all things. It sounded ironic, quite suitable to your situation.

“Flu season, I guess.”

It was a bad lie. Everybody knew when flu season arrived because Tim started getting a stuffy nose and limiting his consumption of Red Bull in order to drink more water.

”Did the spell from the other night show you anything?”

You faked a cough, shaking your head. “I was busy on patrol.”

“I was too and I saw Dick.”

“That’s just wishful thinking, Babs. It’s cute, though.”

Her not seeing Dick would have surprised you. They had known each other for years, gone through so much together... most people wanted what they had.

“Is there a particular reason why you’re lying to me?”

You wrapped your fingers around your mug. The heat transferring from the ceramic to your palm reminded you of Damian’s breath on your lips.

Taking a gulp of coffee, you blinked rapidly. “You don’t think it’s cute?”

She rolled her eyes. “Everybody saw something. It’s how those spells work.”

“There must be something wrong with me.”

There really had to be something awfully wrong with you. Saying out loud that you wanted Damian more than anything in the world terrified you.

It was a normal thing. Not wanting him specifically, but wanting someone — everybody craved attention and love at some level, you just happened to crave Damian’s at every single one.

He was the problem, not you.

════════════════════════

Movie marathons weren’t something Damian really cared for, but they were better than hearing his father complain about minor things like if he had ruined a goon’s lungs or whatever.

Alfred called it bonding time which he supposed was a fair assessment. He found Tim’s taste in movies quite good, and now he didn’t get the urge to strangle his slightly older brother in his sleep.

His stepmother was there too. Selina had been the reason why Bruce shifted his ways, she urged him to either find a balance or stop adding people to the team.

Duke made him pass a bowl of popcorn to Tim who did the same to Stephanie. The bowl landed on Dick who was on the row behind them, just next to Jason.

Getting more comfortable on his seat, his eyes fell on the empty spot to Duke’s right. Cassandra used to sit there until one afternoon Duke couldn’t seem to shut up and she asked you to switch places. You always went with the things Duke said, sometimes even asked his opinion.

Damian complained once, telling his sister to suck it up next time. But Cassandra would never do something he told her to, that was perhaps why she was his favorite.

Everyone around him was in an amazing mood which he didn’t understand. Bruce had just tried to tell a joke, and Jason was mocking how dumb it was.

Selina laughed loudly, in that way people did when they felt genuinely happy. At least that was what he supposed; Damian wasn’t sure he had ever experienced happiness.

The sound of an approaching wheelchair made his ears perk up. Not a single pair of shoes could be heard against the floor. Fighting a frown, he turned to look at the door.

Barbara waved at all of them with a smile, maneuvering her wheelchair to sit next to Dick’s seat. Craning his neck with the excuse of saying hi, Damian watched her give Dick a chaste kiss.

“Where’s (Nickname)?” Dick asked, lifting his arm to rest it on the back of Barbara’s chair.

“She said she was feeling sick. Although...” Barbara giggled, leaning onto Dick’s arm. “I heard the voice of a guy in the background so she might have company.”

Damian felt sick upon hearing such a thing. First, you had asked to be paired up with Duke for patrol and now this? It was too much even for your pettiness — granted, he had planned on putting more distance between you two, but he hadn’t gone around trying to find someone to erase you.

The thought never crossed him, not for a single moment. He had wondered why he wished to cling to a memory when he had never been the sentimental type, but he realized that to be the entire point of deep desires.

“Well, it’s time,” Stephanie commented, “she’s been single for too long.”

“Let’s hope we don’t have to scare him off,” Selina added.

Damian stood up from the now uncomfortable seat, forcing Duke to do the same so he could leave. Duke stared at him weirdly, with worry, as if he knew something Damian didn’t want him to.

He probably did. Damian had been careless two times in a row. God, he needed to get a fucking grip. Unconsciously, he fiddled with the neck of his sweater.

“Oi,” Jason called for him, “where are you going?”

“Out,” he answered angrily. “If other... members... may skip this, why can’t I?”

Barbara and Dick shared a sideways glance.

Only telling Alfred that he would be back later, Damian followed the path towards the garage. Skipping his bike for once, finding himself thinking he wanted to take as little shortcuts as possible for whatever reason, he took his car.

Damian had always been a fan of driving. He didn’t know why, it was tedious and didn’t serve many purposes in the grand scheme of things; not to him. Ever since he learned, he took every opportunity he got to drive whichever vehicle he could get his hands on.

Having control over vehicles and machines was nice, he supposed. If people were a little bit more like said things, everything would have been easier. The world would be boring, but easier to habit.

Saving people was easy, caring about them from afar gave him enough human interaction for his standards, but he would never understand them.

And for the first time since he tried to decode his mother’s attitude, he wanted to understand someone more than anything. Perhaps that way said someone would understand him back and untangle this mess.

The building before him wasn’t welcoming. He had never put foot into that place, but he knew every single person that lived there — patrol gave him that kind of knowledge. And he did some research months ago, but no one needed to be aware of such thing.

He pressed his ear to the door he had been looking for. The dishwasher was on, but he couldn’t pick up any other sound. Damian knocked on said door three times, quickly and loudly. There was no answer so he did it again. A door slammed shut inside the apartment, a groan accompanied by a string of curses got clearer as stomps approached him.

Standing tall and straight, he felt a thrill down his spine as the lock was loudly fiddled with.

You swung the door open, rubbing your eye. He observed you had thrown a turtleneck on, upside down. Damian walked past you without invitation, analyzing the living room.

There were no clothes scattered all over the floor like he had imagined he would find.

“What are you doing here?”

He ignored you, exploring the kitchen. Damian opened the fridge, narrowing his eyes as he inspected. He did the same with the cupboards.

Shoving your bedroom door open, he found the bed undone. The TV was on, playing an old movie. He heard your steps as you followed him, repeating your question.

“Is someone from the team in danger?” You asked next.

Damian pulled your closet open, tilting his head. You could’ve been more organized, he admitted to himself, but there was nothing unusual.

Craning his neck to look at you, he inquired, “Where is he?”

“Where’s who?! What’s going on?”

He stared at you, waiting for you to crack. To his surprise, you stared back — defiant, blinking less and less as the seconds passed.

You were mad, he could tell. It only made him grow more suspicious. Tensing under your eyes, sharp instead of soft like they usually were, he scoffed; he couldn’t show he cared.

“Dude,” you insisted, “you are scaring me. What happened?”

Shaking his head, he pushed past you again and continued his search. The bathroom was warm, the mirror fogged up and tiles sprinkled with drops of water.

He turned around, watching you again. Well, your hair was wet now that he paid more attention to it...

Damian checked in the small laundry room too, but he found bottles of detergent and folded towels next to your suit. Nothing else. No one else.

“Damian—“

“Shut up.” He pointed at you with a finger.

“You are the one who came to my place to look for whatever or whoever you are searching for! Unprompted!”

He didn’t answer.

You went back to your bedroom to turn the TV off and pause the movie, resigned to the fact that he had ruined your self-care day.

No one knew you would be home that day. You had ignored everybody’s calls and avoided being active on social media just in case they were stalking you. Turns out the utmost secrecy isn’t enough to avoid Damian Wayne.

He stood in the living room, looking down at the coffee table as if expecting the furniture to turn into something else. Fixing his eyes on the centerpiece he knew Dick had given you as a gift because it reminded him of you, Damian furrowed his brows.

“Have you been alone the entire day?” He asked, feeling your presence behind him.

“My neighbor brought some cake. Other than that, yeah.”

“Barbara said you had... company.”

“I haven’t talked to Babs in days.”

Barbara had continued asking about what you saw that night with the spell, and you weren’t willing to say it still. Weeks had passed, but it felt like mere seconds had at times. It was so easy for her to ask, to assume things.

Only you knew the conflict you were feeling. She would never understand how awful it was to find out the one you desire the most is the one who likes you the least.

You had entertained the naive idea that he was in the same position, but the more you replayed what had happened, the more you convinced yourself it had been one-sided. He gave in because the release was pleasant, nothing else. People say things they don’t mean while having sex.

You had done it before, for fuck’s sake. You had faked having a good time before, who was to say Damian hadn’t done the same with you?

“Have you seen anybody else?” He blurted.

“My neighbor, I told you.”

He reformulated, “Have you had sex with anybody else?”

You considered lying, you really did. It would make the tension go away, you would have to see him around with other people but it would save you from a lot of embarrassment.

A part of you told you it was stupid, that you wouldn’t be able to take it. Much less when the people who usually took some interest in you tended to ghost you for whatever reason.

“Not since that night, if that’s what you’re asking,” you admitted.

“Good.” It slipped, but he didn’t care. He meant it, and it felt nice to say things he meant, no matter how harsh they could sound.

You rounded the room, crossing your arms as you stood in front of him. “Why are you here?”

“I was told you had company,” he repeated himself.

“And your logic was to interrupt me?”

“Yes.”

You couldn’t believe him. Did he want you to be alone and miserable your entire life?

The worst part was that you would probably be. Finding out you liked him, that you wanted to have him around, that you craved his attention, and his touch, rocked your world and shattered it.

Who would ever compare to him? His flaws were other people’s better qualities, even you who didn’t know his good side that well was aware of that.

“Do you really hate me that much? I’ve never done anything to you!”

He finally lifted his head. You wished he hadn’t, you wished you didn’t have to see anything other than anger in his handsome features. “I don’t hate you. I would make your life a living hell if I did.”

“You could’ve fooled me,” you chuckled, way more sadly than you thought yourself capable to feel regarding anything that came from him. “You roll your eyes at me every time I visit your house, Damian.”

“It’s not intended at you.”

“The scoffs sure are,” you reproached him, “and your stupid comments of how unfunny anything that makes me laugh is.”

“It’s not because of you,” he shouted. Shaking his head, vexed, he twisted his mouth as he huffed his anger out through his nose. “Cassandra’s jokes aren’t even that funny.”

“See?”

“Why don’t you laugh at mine?” He reproached now, crossing his arms to mimic your stance. “Why is it always one of my siblings or my friends who get a positive response but not me?”

“Oh, come on! You’re saying that like I didn’t come by hearing you say my name a few weeks ago!” Your words stunned him into silence which you used to your advantage. “You never tell jokes in front of me, how am I supposed to laugh at them? I always feel like shit because you only accept being around me on patrol, you entrench yourself in your room and make a point to slam the door shut just so I hear... you know what? Forget it.”

“I hate seeing you with them,” he said, wishing his words hadn’t carried that much emotion. “I always bribe people to not ask you out or to leave you alone, I have to watch you hug Jon and kiss my siblings’ faces. You’re always so damn nice until I appear... I prefer being alone than enduring your indifference.”

You widened your eyes. “You bribe people to not ask me out?!”

“Is that the only upsetting part from everything I said?” he snapped.

“No, no. Of course not. I just...”

He hummed. “It’s stupid, I know.”

“A waste of money, honestly.”

“If I didn’t, you would be with someone else right now. Probably Duke, you’ve always liked him.”

“You bribed Duke?” You let a small laugh out. “Duke? Our Duke?”

“Yes! Stop mocking me.”

“Duke knows everything, you know?” You admitted, uncrossing your arms.

You hadn’t been able to keep things to yourself for that long. Seeing Damian around suddenly hurt. The feeling had always been there, but finding out that he was your heart’s deepest desire wrecked your perception

When you told Duke, he reacted casually, as if you had told him the most obvious thing in the world. He said you and Damian were the only ones who hadn’t seen it.

“He knew certain things before I did, in fact,” you added. “Besides, I see him as a brother and he sees me as a sister.”

Damian nodded. It made sense, now Duke’s attitude seemed normal in comparison to what Damian had assumed.

He always assumed things. Bruce had told him once that he needed to learn to ask before acting out — this was the first time Damian found his father’s words useful.

“Why did you kiss me that night?”

“I believe it was more than kissing.”

“Yes.” Damian hadn’t been able to forget, he never would. “But why?”

“I felt... I don’t know how to explain it,” you confessed.

The room suddenly felt small, extremely hot. You shed the stupid turtleneck, it wasn’t like he hadn’t done the stubborn marks on your neck.

Make-up had hidden them well for a few days, and most of them had faded already, but there were two bite-marks, too big and deep, that needed more healing time.

“I was scared,” you told him, “that’s why I felt the rush to take your hand. And it was enough for a while, but then it wasn’t, I wanted you closer.”

“I couldn’t breathe. I assumed I was being poisoned. Then you took my hand and I panicked for a moment, I thought...” his voice broke.

You gave him time, trying your hardest to hide how surprised you were by hearing him like that.

“I thought you were having the same symptoms,” he rasped. “I’ve been trained to fight those things off, but you haven’t and I knew you would die. Your hand made it better for a few minutes, then I needed you closer too.”

“We can forget about it if you want,” you assured him, avoiding looking at his face in case your comment relieved him.

“I don’t.”

Damian reached for your hand in the same fashion you had that cursed —literally— night, shakily, urgently.

And in the same fashion he had, you allowed him to take it.

He brought you closer to him. You observed he looked more tired than ever, perhaps because things had been tense for the past weeks. You couldn’t have possibly looked too different.

“The spell doesn’t have to dictate this,” he said, tilting his head to look into your eyes. “It won’t. You know I don’t trust magic.”

“The spell is not the problem,” you whispered.

“I didn’t think there was a problem.”

“We have never spent time together outside of patrol, Damian.”

He sighed, nodding. “Get changed. Let’s go out.”

Only a lunatic would give their self-care day up for a guy. Well, you didn’t really care if people thought you were a lunatic, and Damian wasn’t just a guy — still, giving up the ice cream in your fridge was a sin.

A sin you were happy to commit.

Damian waited for you to get changed, patiently if anyone asked you. It had taken you a few minutes to even choose something appropriate, based on his own outfit because that was just logic.

He slipped his cellphone into his pocket while you locked the door. As you turned around to take off, he offered his hand.

You took it, intertwining your fingers with his as you walked down the hallway. In the middle of the stairway, you bumped into one of your neighbors who smiled sweetly at both of you. To your surprise, Damian smiled back.

Also surprised to discover he hadn’t taken his bike, you bowed as a thank you when he opened the door of his car for you.

“Do you want to put some music on?” he offered.

“You pick,” you said, curious as to what he would play.

You could’ve sworn he was nervous as he stared down at his phone, looking for something to play. He scrolled down, then up — he switched apps, then continued scrolling.

“I’m not picky.” Your tone was soft, an attempt to assure him.

“I don’t really listen to a variety of genres.”

“What do you listen to the most?”

“Classical. My mother got me used to it.”

You rested the side of your head on the backrest of the seat, looking at him. “You can play that if you want. Or we can just talk about the weather and whatnot. I think it might rain tonight. You like rain, right?”

He locked his cellphone, turning to face you. “Yes. It calms me.”

“I hated it as a kid,” you disclosed, hoping it would ease the tension and better his mood. “I was scared of thunderstorms.”

Igniting the engine, he prompted you to continue, “Not anymore?”

“No. My mom used to tell me that the only reason why they were so noisy was that the sky was happy to unwind and eventually I believed it.”

“That’s cute.”

“I had a phase in which I was in a bad mood if it didn’t rain.” You laughed at your own comment. “Now I like it just fine, less obsessively.”

“I had a similar fixation with snow.” He laughed too, and your stomach did somersaults — it was the first time you had heard him laugh genuinely.

Damian didn’t talk about life at The League often, he didn’t feel compelled when he knew the preconceptions that came with simply mentioning the place or his maternal family.

In fact, everything Batman Inc.’s members knew had been from Bruce. He liked the secrecy, those were parts of him and no one else. But he was willing to share tiny pieces with you.

He saw it as something supposed to be shared between two people interested in starting a relationship.

So he continued, “I would only climb mountains if they were covered by snow. My mother called me a brat many times, but she gave into my wishes for a while.”

“How did you grow out of it?”

“I broke my elbow.” He briefly looked to the side and then took a turn. “I proved her right, and I didn’t like not having the last word so I started despising the snow. I don’t mind it now.”

Before you could ask anything else, he pulled into the grocery store’s parking lot.

He picked a basket once inside the store, making a motion for you to follow him.

“What are we buying?”

“Fruit and whatever you want for a picnic.”

Realizing you weren’t near the fruits aisle, you gripped his sweater, steering him to the other side. Of course he wasn’t used to doing groceries.

He silently allowed you to guide him which was a win, Damian hated being told what to do no matter how small the suggestion was.

It didn’t take either of you too long to get everything you needed, but he spent ten minutes choosing a blanket as if he wouldn’t ruin the poor thing with mud and insects.

Passing the clothing area on your way to do checkout, you elbowed him on the side. He stared down at you, then followed your eyes as he realized they were fixed on something.

Damian groaned. “You’re so funny.”

“Oh, come on! You’re telling me you wouldn’t buy Batman underwear?”

“No.”

“You’re lying.”

“I am not.”

You narrowed your eyes, keeping your laugh in when you saw what resembled a pout on his face. “Robin’s?” you tried.

“Perhaps.”

You lost it at that. “Are they comfy?”

“Will you stop laughing if I say yes?”

“Only if it’s the truth.”

He just nodded, then did the gesture upward so you would resume the path towards the exit.

Pleased with his answer, you walked towards the checkout line. Damian stood behind you, breathing your scent in.

“Is that a new perfume?”

You craned your neck. “How did you know?”

Shrugging, hoping he was being nonchalant enough, he said, “I have a good nose.”

After a brief fight over who would pay for the groceries, —which he won by saying it had been his idea—, you left the store in direction of the park.

Your hand found his naturally, as if your palm’s place was to be pressed against his bigger one.

It felt good, but not really because of that bullshit —true, but bullshit still when magic was so unpredictable— of him being what your heart desired the most. The truth was that you could feel in his grip how much he wanted this to go well.

Swinging your clasped hands, you walked around the park, looking for the perfect spot to sit at.

You found a spot away from the kids running around, against a tree. Damian laid the blanket on the grass, placing the paper bags onto it next.

He slid an arm around your shoulders, using his other hand to eat.

“Do you think your family is already spying on us?” you asked gazing at him as you leaned onto his arm.

“I am certain.”

“You don’t mind?”

He lightly smiled at you, reaching for a strawberry. “Not at all. Do you?”

“Nah. I’m not looking forward to Barbara’s teasing, though.”

“Why did she tell us you had a guy over?” He bit down into the fruit.

“She has always said I have feelings for you.” You wiped the corner of his mouth with your thumb. It never occurred to either of you that you would need napkins. “And I guess she put two and two together when we covered our necks and used the same excuse.”

“In my defense, I could have blamed Tim.”

“In my defense,” you copied his smart-ass tone, “I didn’t want to talk about it.”

“You told Duke from all people.”

“Duke was supportive.”

Damian hummed sarcastically. “I’m sure everybody knows the details already. He loves to gossip.”

Seeing you frown before you turned to look to the other side, he reached for your farthest cheek, softly pushing your face so you would stare at him.

“I don’t care if they know.”

You wished you could have believed him. “If you didn��t, you wouldn’t have avoided me the same way I avoided you.”

“I cared,” he clarified, “not anymore.”

“What changed?”

“Me, my priorities… my vision of you, of this.”

You took an apple in your hand. Rolling the fruit in your grasp, you only nodded. Saying something else would have been nice, appropriate even, but words escaped you.

The fact that he didn’t hate you was still pretty new, shocking to some extent. His willingness to be seen with you by family and strangers alike was a huge compliment, and a big deal.

It was too serious so suddenly… you liked it no matter how scary it was. There had to be a reason why he felt so sure about this, and trusting Damian had never been a bad idea.

Except from that time when you ended up with stitches all over your arm, but you could let that go if it meant having him by your side. As corny as it sounded.

“Meetings will be weird, won’t they?” You sunk your teeth into the apple, hearing him chuckle.

“Less awkward, I hope. Although I enjoy vexing my siblings.”

“We can have fake fights in front of them if you want.”

“And blame them for our nonexistent problems?”

“Of course, I’m sure they will try to give their input either way.”

Damian groaned. He feared just that. It would be out of a place of care, he knew, but it didn’t make it less intrusive — he could picture Dick, sitting down in front of him in the cave, with a big smile and dangling his finger as he told him the way he was supposed to treat you.

He liked to imagine that Cassandra would only threaten him. Perhaps Stephanie would do the same and stop Tim from patronizing him.

Not wanting to ruin the moment by thinking what would Jason and Duke do, he shifted and changed the subject to the movie you had been watching earlier.

You explained that it had been one of your favorites and told him the plot between bites, amused by the fact that he was trying to look interested even though you knew it wasn’t his type of movie.

He told you about the movies the team was supposed to watch that day. You didn’t feel guilty for skipping; as much as you loved them, you needed time for yourself.

Spending time with Damian on this occasion counted as time for yourself, although you would make yourself clear to him that you would eventually need alone time for real. It was a mere exception.

The two of you walked around the park for a while, talking about random things. He was surprisingly easy to talk to once you tried, and God did you try.

It couldn’t get better than hearing him speak casually, about the architecture nearby and the types of flora around the park, in a light tone and with his hand in yours.

Your fingers played with his, and once again you found yourself in awe of him, of how comfortable he was with the mindless gesture and his willingness to keep up with it. You doubted someone would ever surprise you as much as Damian did.

Slowing down a little bit to take the scenery in, you naturally tightened the grip of your fingers on his.

It was such a nice day to be outside… perhaps the weather cast had been wrong and it wouldn’t rain.

The city was bathed in a pink glow as the sun set, unrecognizable. No one would have guessed such scenery to take place in a deeply violent and corrupted place, not even the most optimistic person in the world.

You remembered clearly how surprised Jon had been the first time he saw something other than thundering rain and gray skies in Gotham.

Glittering under the sunlight, the flowers at the end of the playground looked alive for once as the sky stunned many around you. And when you turned to look at Damian, curious about his reaction, you found his eyes solely on you.

The trees, so green under the light of dusk, had nothing on Damian’s eyes. Such thought, so familiar that you felt as though it wasn’t the first time it crossed your mind, so natural that you found it a fact and not an opinion, made you forget about everything around you.

He continued gazing at you, finding the curiosity in your beautiful eyes flattering. Oh, how much he enjoyed being the object of your attention.

The scenery behind you was gorgeous, he was certain of it. In his opinion, you complimented the view in ways nothing would ever do — there was something in your peaceful semblance as you tore your gaze off the sky and admired him instead.

You could’ve been sharing a silent moment with the strangers around you, one of those things he had heard you say once made the world make sense, yet your eyes were on him, on his face. And it made him feel important like nothing before had.

His father’s praises, the ones he had sought for so long were nothing in comparison. Dick’s patience although fundamental to his development as a man fell short against the way your eyes were shining for him.

Twilight swirled around you, but his eyes never left your face nor yours did his. The world didn’t exist, and if it existed, then it didn’t matter — not when you found him worth all your attention, not when he thought you to be brighter than the sun itself.

The air in the car as he drove you back to your place was thick and tense. He hadn’t said a word since he told you about that time Bruce inaugurated the school across the park.

Damian looked lost in thought, like often you had seen him while out on patrol. The places his mind took him had never compromised his performance — you admired that.

Bruce had called him out an infinite amount of times, but he couldn’t do anything else when Damian always delivered. You had wondered how he did it many times, but now you had to assume Talia taught him.

He walked you into the building, fingers brushing your wrist as you fell in natural silence.

Fumbling for your keys, you felt him lean onto the wall just next to your door. You took more time than needed to open the door, hoping he would say or do something.

When he didn’t, you pushed the door open and turned on your heel to face him.

“I had an amazing day with you,” he said, eyes on yours.

You breathed out, “I did too.”

Why couldn’t the day last longer? You logically knew you would see him again, but something inside you wanted him to stay. You wanted him to stay, better said.

Would it be too bold, too sudden, to invite him in? He probably had patrol that night — hell, you were supposed to be getting into your suit at that moment instead of pondering on whether you were brave enough to imply you wanted to spend more time with him; preferably in your room, naked.

Fuck it. If he said no, you would say you had patrol either way.

“Do you want to co—“

“Yes,” he answered before you could finish the question, letting a relieved sigh out.

You pulled him into the apartment, arm around his neck as you used your other hand to close the door.

His lips fell on yours as he kissed you slowly, arms delicately around your plump form. He took his time to map your lips with his own, somewhat afraid of kissing you wrong.

Damian grew confident as you attempted to kiss him more firmly, as steadily as your giddiness allowed you to. Tasting the fruit he had eaten earlier off his tongue, you wrapped your other arm around his torso, bringing him closer.

Smiling on your lips, he angled his face, kissing you with the same urgency he had the other night.

Eagerly, he tangled his tongue with yours until both of you were panting in search of air. As you caught your breath, Damian fiddled with the ends of your turtleneck.

Clearing his throat, he asked, “Can I take this off? It’s getting in the way.”

“I can take it off—“

“I would like to do it, if you don’t mind.”

“I don’t,” you assured him.

Damian slid the turtleneck off you slowly, huffing a small laugh when the blouse you were wearing under inched up. Placing the item to the side, he leaned to kiss your jaw.

Placing your hands on his sides, you slanted your head upon feeling his lips travel down to your neck.

He kissed the bite-mark left from before, softly, giving it small pecks. “Did I go overboard with this one?”

“A little bit. It’s been a pain in the ass to cover.”

“I’ll be more careful from now on,” he promised, leaving more light kisses over the area.

Your pulse quickened at the implication of his words. Damian felt the rush of blood on your jugular where he scattered wet kisses.

He trailed his lips up, breathing in your ear. You shuddered, fighting a whine as your hands looked for the hem of his crewneck sweater.

You inched the sweater up to his chest and waited for him to stand straight so you would be able to take it off. Damian was too busy kissing your face to care.

“Hey,” you did whine this time. “Damian, let me take it off.”

Smirking on your cheek, he hummed. Slowly, painfully so, he pulled away from you.

Once you had gotten rid of the sweater, you grabbed him by the collar of his shirt and pulled him into a kiss. He curled his arm around you again, wanting you flush against him.

He slid his hand down and took a handful of your ass, making you buckle your hips up. Dragging his lips to your jaw again, he said, “Your stupid suit didn’t let me do that last time.”

One of your hands stayed on his shoulder while the other landed on his hip. Your fingers played with the loops of his jeans as he continued gripping and grabbing your ass like he had never touched one.

Angling your face, you attached your lips to his neck. Damian’s grip on you tightened.

“I want to take it slow,” he whispered, “but you’re making it really hard.”

“Metaphorically?” You mouthed his throat, hand sliding down to his chest, squeezing itself between both your bodies.

“And literally,” he whined. You loved the sound, for once not demanding yet still bratty.

As your hand slipped downward, you continued kissing his neck, paying special attention to the juncture of his neck and shoulder. You hoped your lipstick wouldn’t dirty his shirt — or maybe you hoped it would, both were fine with you.

Damian put some space between you, understanding what you were trying to do. While you undid his jeans, he undid yours, considering it would be better to get rid of everything on his way now that he was still feeling patient.

Shoes and socks off, the two of you shed your jeans without care of where they landed. Now the living room’s floor truly was covered in scattered items of clothing and this time Damian enjoyed the view.

“Come here.” He reached for you, eyes on your chest as his hands ghosted your sides.

You looked up at him, unable to hide the enjoyment you got from his hungry eyes being all over you. Following their movements, you also observed their slow dilatation.

He inched a hand up your side. You assumed he would finally knead your breast but he merely ghosted its outline, head tilted as he watched his own hand move.

For a few moments, he only did that, almost as if he was in a trance. The warmth of your own palm on his lower abdomen as your fingers brushed the elastic of his boxers made him react.

You pushed him back, towards your bedroom, pulling the door open and shoving him inside. He smiled, lifting his arms in mock surrender.

Damian sat down on your bed, relishing into the smell of everything you owned — the bedding smelled like a mix of fabric softener and your delicious new heady perfume.

You got the urge to kiss his entire face, hands on his shoulders as he slanted his head back for you to do it comfortably. He relished on the gesture too, so spontaneous and warming.

He placed his hands on the backs of your thighs, urging you to straddle him. Watching you second guess yourself, he drew you closer to encourage you.

Giving a last kiss to his nose, you complied. Damian snaked his arms around your waist, a pleased smile pressing against your chin before he kissed your mouth.

You bit his lip, tugging on it. He crashed his lips against yours again just to then do the same himself, intentionally bitting harder than you had.

A moan escaped you. Feeling his cock twitch under your navel, you rocked your hips to watch his reaction.

His arms tightened around you as he tutted against your core. “This is the reason why I never train with you,” he groaned.

“I thought it was because I almost broke Tim’s leg once.”

“Don’t mention anyone else right now.”

Right. You had forgotten he had been jealous earlier.

Damian rolled over, switching places with you. He kissed you before you could pout, cradling your face with one hand while he held himself up with the other.

You placed a hand on his upper back while the other rested on the side of his neck, kissing him back with the same amount of passion he was kissing you.

He had you breathless in a matter of seconds, and as he broke the kiss, you saw his nostrils flare in attempts to catch his breath quickly.

Trailing kisses down your neck, he dropped his hand to your breast. This time he kneaded it, humming against your skin when you reacted with a small sound. His thumb brushed your nipple, playing with it while he busied himself with leaving marks on your chest.

So much for being careful, huh. At least those were easier to hide.

“Do you want me to eat you out?” He asked bluntly.

“If you’re in the mood.”

He kneeled on the bed, hooking his thumbs in your panties to slide them down. You lifted your hips to help him out, laughing when he threw your underwear behind him with little care.

You opened your legs for him, finding a comfortable position as he stayed there, taking all of you in, completely naked and at his mercy.

He kissed your thighs first, teasingly nibbling on them. Every time he got closer to the center, to where now you needed him instead of only wanting him, he pulled away and went back to your thigh.

Slowly, he dragged his index finger up and down your folds. Damian rested his chin on your right thigh as he watched his finger collect and smear your wetness, proud of the fact that he was the one who had made you wet. No one else.

Your breath hitched in expectant excitement as you saw him finally bury his head between your thighs. His tongue followed the same path his finger had outlined, at the same rhythm.

“You taste even better than I imagined,” he praised, licking his bottom lip clean.

As he gradually increased his rhythm, licking long stripes along your folds, you got bolder and urged him to be firmer by pushing your hips upward.

He moaned against your pussy, playfully sucking your labia to let you know he got the message.

Bringing an arm up to pin your hips back down, he used his other hand to open your legs a little bit more and part your labia.

Damian pressed his tongue on your clit, moving it gently at first. He wanted to know exactly what you liked and how. It didn’t take him long to switch between using his lips and his tongue which earned him a loud moan.

His hand caressed your thigh, eventually sliding between the mattress and your body to grab your asscheek.

You whined his name, reaching down to hold the back of his head. It was clear to you that he was enjoying every sound he managed to make you blurt, and it felt really good, but you needed more.

Out of nowhere, he tugged on your hips to slide you down the bed. Kneeling on the floor, he sucked fervently on your clit.

You fisted the duvet, begging him to keep going. Damian complied happily, mouth latched on your clit as your pussy swallowed his moans and the four walls of your bedroom made yours bounce.

They were music to his ears and his entire body. He could feel the tingling all over him, excitement and pride flowing through his bloodstream.

Massaging your ass, he couldn’t help but chuckle upon feeling both your hands on his head now. He allowed you to push his face farther in, not once slowing down.

Your hips bucked up and instead of restraining you, he moved with you. If you moved up he did down and vice versa. You got louder and he marveled at how responsive you were to him.

He growled, gripping your ass with force as he sucked on your clit until his cheeks were hollow. He let go only to repeat the motion, letting his tongue wander when he needed a break.

You tugged on his hair, squealing. Your body tensed in his grasp, prompting him to continue with his ministrations. Feeling the tremor in your legs as you tried to settle back down on the bed, he started lapping tenderly.

You caressed his hair, panting with your eyes closed. Damian lifted his head, hands softly dancing over your thighs as he stood up.

Feeling him hover over you, you opened your eyes albeit with a little difficulty. His mouth and chin glistened with your slick, wanton eyes inspecting your semblance.

“Do you want me to suck you off?” you rasped before clearing your throat.

He caressed your sweaty cheek. “Later.”

“Bu—“

He shut you up with a kiss. “Later, please? I just want to be inside you.”

Nodding against him, you kissed him again. Tasting yourself off his tongue was addictive. You held him still for a moment, licking your slick off his gorgeous face.

Damian growled, deep and loud this time, hands already on your waist. “Should I wear a condom this time?”

“No. Unless you want to?”

He shook his head. He didn’t want a single thing to keep him from feeling you fully. Damian stood from the bed. “Get on all fours.”

You rolled on your side first to then do as he had told you, holding your breath as you waited for him to stand behind you.

He rested a hand on your hip. “Ready?”

“Yeah,” you gave him your consent.

Damian entered you slowly, little by little, less worried about hurting you and more about making you feel every inch of him as his cock filled you.

You breathed out through a whine. He gave you time to adjust to his size, leaning to kiss the scar on your back.

Wanting to stay like that forever, you waited more than you should have to. If he was aware, he decided to be patient — such thing only made you grow wetter.

“Go ahead,” you told him, hoping you didn’t sound too desperate.

Reaching over, he gripped your hands. “You feel amazing, beloved.” He kissed your shoulder, nibbling on your skin as he rocked his hips.

God, you didn’t know if his comment had been what flattered you or the pet name. Either way, hearing them was as amazing as the way he felt inside you, filling you like no one before him had.

His hands left yours. He opted for placing them firmly on your hips and thrust into you steadily, keeping you from moving too much.

Humming in pleasure, you held the edge of the bed in anticipation. He went faster exponentially, calculating every single one of his thrusts.

Having control over his thrusts and the movement of your hips was nice and all, but he needed you closer.

Slapping your thigh, he croaked out, “On your back.”

You missed his girth the second he parted from you so you could change positions, it made you feel empty.

Damian helped you get comfortable, holding your thighs open before you got the urge to rub them. He smirked when you glared at him, hand leaving one of your legs to hold his cock.

He penetrated you again, bottoming out immediately as he made himself comfortable on top of you.

“Fuck, Damian!”

His hips snapped forward involuntarily. Both of you moaned at the same time, he pushed against your g-spot and you throbbed around him.

His movements were rougher like this, wilder. It was as though he wanted to prove a point to himself, you didn’t know which and you didn’t care as long as he fucked you like he needed to be inside you in order to be complete.

“Say my name again,” he rasped the command.

And how could you deny him? You repeated his name as many times as your moans allowed you like a broken chant.

Damian’s pace got quicker every time he heard his name fall from your lips, a tad uneven as he allowed himself to get lost in the pleasure the mix of everything was bringing him — your walls gripping his cock, your hoarse moans and the angelic way honey dripped from your voice when you called for him.

You dragged your nails all over his back, moaning and whimpering in his ear. He was so loud in your own ear, saying things in Arabic that you couldn’t understand in such a fervent tone that you weren’t sure if you would come because he was fucking you into oblivion or because of his strained voice.

Hearing your name slip in his prayer-like monologue, you cried out upon feeling your stomach get tighter. You clung to his shoulders, letting him ram into you in unsteady thrusts that went from slow to hammering in seconds.

His tongue slipped, Damian started switching between languages. Grip on you tightening to the point of being bruising, he begged, “I need you to come first, please. I— shit.” He dropped his head into the crook of your neck as you wrapped your legs around his hips, clenching around him.

You threw your head back, arching up to meet his latest thrust as your orgasm flew through you. Distantly, you processed a few of the sounds you were making and some of the ones you were elating from him.

Strings of hot cum covered your walls. He growled on your skin, saying your name and something you couldn’t really understand.

You let him ride off his orgasm inside you, hearing the mess he was making as the wet sounds from your slick and his cum mingled. His mouth covered yours in a tired kiss, lazy and with a hint of the tenderness he had put to the side even though his intentions had been different.

Once the two of you had caught your breaths and he had made an even bigger mess, you pulled the bedding off the mattress and threw everything into the washing machine.

He was all over you as the two of you shared a shower, so close that scrubbing off took you way longer than it should have.

In all honesty, you didn’t mind. You were too happy to complain about his annoying little antics that you couldn’t wait to get used to.

”Should we suit up?” You asked him, watching the water drip down his chest like it was the most interesting thing in the world.

“They can manage without us for a night.”

“You want to skip patrol?”

Drying his arms, he copied your tone, “You don’t want to spend more time alone with me?”

“Of course I do,” you replied immediately. “But you love patrol.”

He stood still, somewhat stiff in front of you. “Not enough, it seems.”

You dropped the topic at that and went on with drying your body.

He only put his underwear back on while you slipped a pair of panties and a t-shirt, awkwardly trying to find something to change the topic.

“Do you want some ice cream? I have a tub in the freezer.”

“Sounds good.”

A nice moment you shared, silently eating ice cream. He sat close to you the entire time, brushing your side.

It felt natural, as though you were supposed to be doing that and not anything else. Patrol could wait, and his family, and your friends, and the entire world.

The world stopped so you two could enjoy the moment, the day. Or perhaps it didn’t and you just couldn’t bring yourself to give this up for it — but he couldn’t either and that meant everything to you.

Damian never skipped patrol, he hadn’t done it in the worst moments of his life and you never expected to see the day in which he would find something more worthwhile.

You found a clean sheet for the bed in the laundry room which saved you from having to squeeze yourself with Damian on the couch. Maybe it was time to get a bigger one.

He rested his head on your stomach, cheek against your belly as he looked up at you. You could tell he wanted to say something, his brow was ever so slightly furrowed, and his eyes seemed clouded by a thought. He looked pretty nonetheless.

He traced his fingers over your thigh, drawing little doodles. You could make some up by feel — a flower, a bat, his name, a few stars, his name again, an R inside a circle, a heart, his name for the third time.

“I think I would’ve broken my oath to my father if you had had someone over.”

You slid your hand off his hair to caress his cheek, too worried to hide your frown. Damian took his promises and oaths seriously, more seriously than anything else. You had seen his family use said thing against him.

“It wouldn’t have been worth it,” you tried to reason with him. “It wouldn’t have changed anything.”

“Would you have gotten mad at me?”

“I don’t know,” you admitted. “It would’ve depended on a lot of things. Without context, obviously, but...” Realizing you were about to make up excuses for something that hadn’t even happened, you decided to ask, “Why are you still thinking about that?”

“I don’t want you to forget about me. Ever.”

“Are you planning to say goodbye or something of sorts?”

“No!” He glared at you for even considering such a thing to be a possibility after everything the two of you had talked about, after everything you had made him feel. ”But I...” Damian scoffed. “I can’t explain to you how horrible it felt. My eyesight clouded the moment Stephanie said it was time for you to start seeing someone.”

“Jealousy does that to us.” You tried to sound wise by saying it, an attempt you found quite pointless as you replayed it in your head.

Silently, he lifted his head off your stomach in order to lay down next to you. Shifting so he would be comfortable, you held your head up with your hand to properly gaze at him.

Damian mirrored your position. He told you, in a hushed tone like it was his deepest secret, “I felt like you were replacing me.”

Stephanie only had said that because it was the truth. Your relationships always fizzled out after the first two months so you had stopped trying. Then there was the fact that Damian himself had sabotaged who knows how many of them...

From her perspective, it made sense.

“Damian...” you trailed off, in vain. “I don’t know what to say.”

“Tell me you won’t.”

“I won’t replace you as long as you don’t replace me.”

You thought he would find the comment insulting even though it was perfectly sound. But for God knows which time that day, Damian surprised you by scoffing with nonchalance.

Dismissing your worry, he slid closer to you, resting his forehead against your flexed arm. “I couldn’t possibly be happy without your perfume all over me.”

Grabbing him by the hair, you forced him to lift his head. His eyes found yours in a second, curious. You dropped your hand to his neck, sliding it up to his cheek.

Giving him the sweetest kiss you had ever given, tracing the side of his gorgeous face tenderly, you hoped you were doing a good job expressing what you wanted to communicate.

You were. He gave you in return the brightest smile you had seen in your entire existence. It was all for you, something you had caused, something you wanted to see for the rest of your life.

Damian pulled you onto his chest, laying on his back. He mindlessly ran his fingers over your side and up and down your back while you listened to his steady heartbeat.

You couldn’t possibly feel complete without him ever again.

[skullsandwineglasses]

Someday or One Day (2019) - Final Review

I told myself that I wouldn’t cry. And yet, here I am bawling. The ending made sense. It was logical. It was appropriate. There was closure. No regrets. And yet here I am crying. Because even though it’s implied that LZW and HYX might meet and fall in love again in the future (since there’s only a 10-year age gap between them), I’m just sad that everything they’ve gone through in the original timeline is erased. In the new timeline they’ll have a normal, mundane life, and no one will remember how much pain and suffering they went through in another lifetime. LZW freakin waited 16 years to be reunited with HYX only to be killed. But that’s lost to time. All the memories and all that they’ve done for each other are gone.

But overall, the drama was very intense, but very tightly woven. Never a dull moment. Every episode reveals something about the characters and the plot. You have to pay close attention to what the characters say and the objects around them in order to clue in on hints. Just when you think you have the full picture, the curtain pulls back some more.

This drama should have a ton of trigger warnings attached to it though. Murder, animal abuse, sexual assault, depression, suicide. A lot of heavy topics. 

The time travel and body switching aspects were handled elegantly, and there were minimal glaring plot holes. There are many layers to the time traveling plot, but it’s not unnecessary convoluted. 

The plot admits that you can’t change the time travel loop. Like Rainless Love in a Godless Land, SOOD deals with the issue of the characters’ (lack of) agency to change the trajectory of a pre-destined fate. And if you do try to change time (which is near impossible), then everything changes in a cascading effect. The drama doesn’t sugarcoat that, like how it doesn’t sugarcoat any of the other topics that it explores. HYX managed to change the course of history and prevent CYR from committing suicide, but she’s also accepted that in doing so, she’ll have to sacrifice the relationship she’ll have with LZW. It’s a zero-sum game. 

A lot of the characters embrace death because they realize it’s necessary in order for the next part of fate to unfold. It’s almost futile to resist because no matter how much you try, you still end up where you were destined to be. It’s quite morbid. LZW (in WQS’ body) accepts that he needs to get on the doomed plane in order to be able to return to his 2003 body in order to guide the events. 

But at the same time, both dramas seem to say that agency isn’t dependent on outcome. It’s dependent on awareness and choice. When you’re presented with the truth and all possible outcomes, what do you choose? LZW/WQS ultimately chooses to get on the plane even though he knows what will happen. But he still wants to make that choice. 

At the beginning of the drama, you’re led to believe that there are two parallel couples. But really, there’s only one couple all along: LZW and HYX. They just inhabit different bodies and take on different identities. 

The acting is superb from the whole cast. Yan Yu Lin played such an endearing best friend in RLiaGL, but he’s such a creep here. I have to applaud him for being such a chameleon. 

Greg Hsu and Alice Ke both gave incredible performances. Greg played 1) a bubbly and rebellious high school student (LZW), 2) a closeted high school student (the real WQS), 3) a college student (22-year-old LZW in WQS’ body), 4) grown-up LZW/WQS, and 5) mid-30s LZW with glasses, a cane, and greying hair. He played off the nuances of these 5 characters perfectly. You can feel the age difference between the various versions of LZW, and WQS felt like a completely different character. From his posture, the way he rode his bike, the way he held his head, and the way he he held people’s gaze. In that short 5-minute montage of WQS, Greg brought an entirely different character to life. 

Alice was amazing playing the 17-year-old depressed CYR and the confident 27-year-old HYX. HYX has incredible chemistry with LZW, but whenever CYR had scenes with LZW, I was tempted to fastforward those scenes. The difference between CYR and HYX was that palpable. They truly felt like different people to me, even though it’s all Alice. 

And you can tell that the drama put in a lot of thought and effort to emphasize those behavioural differences, because these are the differences that LZW picks up on. From the way CYR walks to the way she holds her head to her microexpressions, LZW can tell that she isn’t HYX. It’s just such a great;y portrayed love triangle. 

While LZW and HYX have an epic romance, WQS and CYR are tragic characters. CYR gets a redemption arc at the end, but WQS doesn’t deserve what happened to him. He commits suicide, LZW takes over his body for 7 years, and then his body goes down in a plane crash. 

I just feel that the story is a bit unfair to CYR and WQS. Both have their bodies taken over and their consciousness displaced. I keep saying body switching, but really, there was no switching. LZW and HYX just invaded their bodies and took over. CYR manages to regain control at the end, only to be told that everyone preferred when HYX was the one controlling her body. That is definitely traumatic to hear. 

You could write so many essays analyzing the creative choices for the plot direction, but I just want to summarize what happened here. I had to pause the drama every so often in order to update my timeline map. 

I’d say the first arc is about HYX travelling back to past, learning about CYR’s murder, and trying to figure out who the murderer is. This first arc ends when she gets confirmation that LZW is WQS. This happens when she sees the drawing of her in his room, which is the same drawing that WQS hung in his office. As the audience, we’ve already seen multiple hints that LZW is WQS, the very first one being when he kneed her the same way that WQS kneed her. We just aren’t sure how exactly LZW becomes WQS. 

When HYX learns this, she reawakes in the present and runs to confront the uncle at the cafe. LZW finally reveals himself to tell his side of the story. In 2003, when LZW returns to Taiwan from Canada, he tries to visit MJJ in jail, but MJJ refuses to see him. LZW drives down the mountain while listening to the Last Dance song. He cries we he remembers their high school days, and crashes the car. He spends 2 weeks in a coma, but during those 2 weeks, his soul or consciousness or whatever is transported into WQS’ body in 2010. WQS has just tried to commit suicide by drowning in the ocean after being bullied for his sexual orientation. WQS’ true consciousness is never mentioned again, so we assumed that his consciousness has just completely disappeared. In WQS’ body, LZW remembers what HYX told him back in 1998, and so he decides to find the present-day HYX and pursue her, in order to fulfil the story about the future that she told him about. LZW/WQS spends a blissful 7 years with HYX until the 2017 accident. 

Right before getting on the plane, he’s approached by his true self. He realizes that he’ll return to his true body in 2003, and knows that he needs to get on the plane in order to be able to give HYX the walkman that will allow her to go back in time so that he’d fall in love with her. 

LZW’s consciousness then returns to his comatose body in 2003. He spends the next 16 years (until 2019) keeping to the shadows, secretly keeping tabs on LZW/WQS and HYX. At some point, which we’re not shown, he makes contact with the uncle. That’s why in 2010, he calls the uncle to make sure that LZW/WQS has successfully been accepted to the same uni as HYX. 

In 2008, MJJ is released from jail. After MJJ’s gradmother dies, he commits suicide at the same spot where CYR was killed. LZW tried to stop this from happening, but there was no use. Fate still charged ahead. 

After LZW explains what happened, he and HYX are finally reunited in the present, both now having the same memories, and not one person having more than the other. They are finally on the same page. HYX waited 2 years to be reunited with LZW, but he’s waited 16 years. The scene where he returns home to their apartment was so emotional. For HYX, his absence was recent. But for him, he hadn’t set foot in this home for 16 years. 

The next segment is about the revelation of the true villain, Xie Zhi Qi. By gaining HYX’s trust, he was able to gain access to the walkman and travel back in time to attack CYR, which is the event which caused HYX to go back and inhabit her body. (In the new timeline, CYR gets hit by a car but isn’t attacked). 

When LZW gets home, he chases XZQ out of the house, but XZQ ends up killing LZW. 

The fourth and final segment is HYX trying to change the past in order to bring LZW back to life. She travels back in time, but she’s now stuck in the sunken place in CYR’s subconsciousness. She no longer has control of CYR’s body, and she watches helplessly as CYR tries to pretend to be her. 

But no one is fooled, especially LZW. The timelines plays out as it always has. HYX is unable to prevent the events from unfolding, CYR commits suicide, and MJJ takes the blame. 

HYX is transported back to the present. There was no way to change to the past. One day, she drives to the sea. The walkman is broken, so she plays the cassette using the car stereo. She’s transported back once again, to the pivotal moment right before CYR fell. MJJ is now able to successfully pull her back. History has now completely changed. 

HYX and LZW’s relationship no longer exists. But CYR now gets a chance at life, and she and MJJ have a chance to be together. 

HYX and LZW may not have their memories, but the feelings are still there (similar to how XTD’s feelings still linger in RLiaGL even after her memories are erased). They’re also fated to be together, so they’ll always find each other. The one interaction between that the new timeline didn’t take away was LZW meeting the 6-year old HYX. 

It’s left to the audience’s imagination to wonder how LZW and HYX might meet again and fall in love as adults (under what circumstances do they meet since it can’t be at school because they’re 10 years apart), but it gives us hope nonetheless. 

I think one thing that I’ll bring up is that the characters don’t realize that CYR’s death is what causes LZW to become WQS to pursue HYX. If CYR doesn’t die, LZW doesn’t drive while grieving about the past, and he doesn’t get into the accident. It’s noble of LZW to want to save CYR and prevent her death, but I feel like the drama doesn’t explore this moral dilemma. LZW knows the cascading effect that CYR’s death has, but he still tells HYX to try to stop the death. Perhaps LZW knows that if CYR survives, he and HYX’s romance wouldn’t exist, but he doesn’t mention that to her. 

One other criticism would be how conveniently HYX managaed to travel back in time again and ended up at the pivotal moment to help prevent CYR’s death. It felt a little too easy, when the entire drama had avoided taking the easy way out. 

I also feel that there are a lot of symbols and metaphors that went over my head. It wasn’t until I read MDL reviews that I realized how the use of technology at the beginning foreshadowed what to expect (e.g., finding a doppleganger, using VR to simulate and relive an out-of-body experience). Also, the red ear buds to symbolize the red string of fate linking LZW and HYX. 

Was rain a symbol? I remember in English class we talked about rain and water as being symbols of birth and rebirth in novels. Also, WQS drowned in the ocean and LZW’s plane fell into the ocean. Meanwhile, HYX and CYR and linked by their birthdays, but also, LZW was able to differentiate them by how they looked in the rain. It rained on the night of CYR’s death and it rained the night when HYX thought she saw LZW. Not sure if the drama just wanted to be moody or if it was intentional. 

Writing and photographs are big motifs (i.e., how you are reflected in your hand writing and your expressions that are captured on camera). 

Objects introduced at the beginning take on new significance as the story unfolds. 

For instance, HYX was drumming on an object on the psychologist’s desk. We later see him brushing that object and realize that it’s a rock, and we wonder if it’s the same rock that was used to attack CYR. 

Also, the large tree where they laid under and whispers secrets into seemed by spiritual and biblical. That whole park seemed very...heavenly? Like their own Eden. 

LZW meeting the 6-year-old HYX was significant in 2 ways: HYX dated her first bf because he reminded her of the “older brother” who helped her find her way home and gave her a sense of security, and the interaction was also immune to the time change and so it was brought back again in the final scene. 

Every object and scene just keeps giving. They have multiple utilities. 

This drama is like a masterclass in storytelling. On MDL, someone wrote that the romance is a hero’s journey. I’ll have to unpack that analysis, but I’m guessing they mean that the romance leaves the familiar world into the unfamiliar, encounters obstacles, gains an object, etc., and the returns to the familiar world changed. If this is the case, then I’d argue that the romance goes through the hero’s journey twice because the relationship between LZW and HYX is transformed at least twice. 

I’m just in awe. What an intricate, detailed, and thoughtful drama. It’s a great romance, suspense, and mystery drama. I also love that the humour isn’t just for the sake of having comedic relief, but what’s being said actually has significance later in the story. 

[novaiya]

Walk Cut Short - Arthur x Reader

Summary: The tension hung thick and heavy as you walked down the deserted main street of Rhodes. “This don’t feel right,” said Arthur. That would be an understatement, you thought as you looked around the town that usually bustled with people, currently looking like a ghost town. Suddenly, a gunshot rang, sending everyone in action, and you on the ground. Was this it for you?

Words: 2,152

Tags/Warnings: Canon Typical Violence, Fluff, Established Relationship 

A/N: Based on this request; Oooooo could I get a scenario or headcannons for Arthur Morgan x FemS/O. Where during the gunfight in Rhodes, instead of Sean getting hit Arthur's s/o does take the hit instead. (I can't handle angst so a happy ending please 🥺) Click this link to read it on AO3. 

You could feel it in the wind. Could feel the tension, thick and heavy, as it hung in the air. You felt the curious glances of people from the windows of the stores, quickly averted as soon as they saw you looking. The main road was empty, a contrast to how busy and loud it usually was, with people driving by on horses or wagons, kids selling newspapers and women chatting at every corner. It looked like a ghost town, and something told you there was more to it than met the eye. 

You gulped down as you kept walking, following Bill, Sean and Micah who seemed to not notice the glances the five of you were getting as you walked. You held your rifle close to your chest as you turned to look at Arthur. He returned the look, and you could see that he was thinking the same thing. 

As Micah talked, you walked closer to Arthur,

“Arthur,” you said, making him turn his head towards you and slow his pace, “I have a bad feeling.” He could see fear in your eyes as you spoke. Saw how tightly you held the rifle in your hands. The sight made him angry at himself for putting you in this situation in the first place. He knew you could defend yourself, knew it better than anyone, having seen you in action countless of times. Still, if he could do so, he preferred to keep you safe. 

“-that Catherine Braithwait-“ Bill was saying, but Arthur interrupted him, saying “Hey, hold up” making all of you stop. It was dead quiet as you stood, not even the birds singing. 

“This don’t feel right,” Arthur said, vocalizing what you’ve been thinking for the past few minutes.

“Now it don’t feel right?” Sean said, turning around to look at Arthur, “I could’a told you that-“ but he didn’t get to finish his sentence, as a loud sound of a gunshot pierced through, making everybody look each and every way to see where the shot came from, only Arthur noticing that you fell to the ground.

He screamed your name, scooping you in his arms and laying you down behind a couple of crates, away from the gunfight that Micah, Sean and Bill started to engage in right away.

“Darlin’,” he said, his voice shaking as he looked all over you, his eyes stopping on your abdomen where the clothes already soaked the blood. 

The pain was like nothing you ever felt, and you felt both energized and drained as your body went into overdrive. He put pressure on where the blood was coming from, making you moan in pain, tears rolling down your cheeks.

“I’m sorry, sweetheart,” he said, instantly stopping. He could hear Micah and Bill call his name, screaming, “Need a little help here, Arthur!” but he didn’t listen. They could all die for all he cared. All his attention was on you, on your quickly paling face and your abdomen. 

“Morgan, over here,” you heard Bill’s voice scream, sounding a few feet away.

“Arthur,” you wailed his name, holding onto his shirt. “Don’t leave me.” Your voice was broken and hoarse as you spoke. You could feel yourself getting lightheaded, either from the immense pain you were feeling or from the blood loss. 

Arthur gave you a broken, sorrowful smile as he said, “Never, sweetheart,” and kissed your forehead. 

You knew from the beginning, as soon as you shot your first bullet, that you would die from one one day. It’s a fact that you came to live with and knew would happen sooner than later. You just didn’t expect for it to happen today.

Arthur sat next to you against the crate, peeking his head every now and then to shoot a few Grays that were getting too close. 

You held onto your rifle the entire time, but as seconds passed by, even that proved hard, and soon enough the weapon fell from your hands. The sound of the rifle falling to the ground alerted Arthur, and he turned around to look at you. Your eyelids were dropping, and you were barely holding yourself upright. He called your name, but it sounded miles away as you tried hard to keep your eyes open. The last thing you remembered seeing was Arthur’s eyes, full of tears as he spoke your name, again and again and again.

You could hear a voice, faint, sounding like it was coming from miles away, speaking. “-second I saw you, I knew I was done for. Couldn’t have ever imagined in my wildest dreams that you’d feel the same way-“ the voice spoke in the darkness. Your eyelids felt like they weighed a ton and you couldn’t open them. Soon enough, the voice disappeared and you once again fell into the abyss.

You couldn’t tell where you were, or if you were at all. You were in constant darkness and silence, and whenever you heard someone or something speak, it was for a few seconds before it disappeared. For all you knew, you’ve died, and this was the afterlife.

Arthur sat on a chair next to where you laid on the cot. As soon as the Grays were dealt with, he brought you back to camp so he and the rest of the gang could help you. The details were fuzzy to him; everything blended together as he laid your body on the cot. His hands, which were all covered in your blood, shook as he tried to figure out what to do next. As soon as Susan came up with a bucket of water and all the necessary items for the procedure, she told Arthur to go on a walk. He remembered fighting her, telling that he had to stay, but in the end, she managed to convince him and he went out while Susan, the girls and Reverend worked to keep you in this world.

For the next few days, he barely ate, barely slept and didn’t do anything but sit on the chair next to your cot, waiting. People would come up to him and try to strike a conversation, inviting him to have dinner with the rest of them. Sometimes he would politely decline, but most of the time he simply wouldn’t say anything, his mind too exhausted to even form words. 

At night, when everybody was asleep, or even during the day, when there weren’t many people around, he would talk to you. It would be the only time he would smile as he brought to life certain events the two of you shared. He would remember the time the two of you met, how from the second your eye met he was under your spell. He remembered how the whole world ceased to exist when you kissed him for the first time, your lips like rose petals, soft and inviting. The memories of the time the two of you shared flooded his mind like a tsunami, and he couldn’t stop them. 

As he sat there, watching your vulnerable, unconscious form, he made a promise to himself and anyone above watching, that if you pulled through, if you came back to him, he would do everything in his power to get you out of this mess, the gang and Dutch be damned.

You winced in pain as you cracked upon your eyes. The sun was too bright for your unaccustomed eyes, and closed them just as fast as you opened them. You were disoriented, and you couldn’t tell when or where you were. You tried to get up, to move your legs, but your whole body felt like it was made of lead and you failed to move even a muscle. Everything ached as you laid still, trying to gather your thoughts and strength for yet another shot at movement. You tried to focus on your breathing, the only non-painful action, and listened to the sounds around you. It was quiet, with nothing but the sounds of birds and leaves around. You could fairly hear what sounded like the chatter of people, but it was too far away to understand. With enough strength, you opened your eyes once again, this time slower. As you did so, you saw that you were in camp, your camp; in the distance you could see the main campfire, deserted but still lit. You could see Pearson working by his wagon, chopping meat. You turned to look to your side and saw Arthur, his head slumped down, asleep on a chair. 

You tried to say his name, but when you opened your mouth, no sound came. You tried a few more times till you finally managed to say, in a hoarse, small voice, “Arthur.”

Your voice was like a gunshot, loud and clear in an otherwise quiet air. He raised his head instantly, his eyes falling on you. You looked small and fragile as you laid there, but you were awake, your eyes open and looking at him. He quickly left the chair to sit next to your cot. He eyed you all over, looking for any signs of discomfort, till his eyes finally landed on your face. For a moment, he thought that maybe the lack of sleep had gotten the better of him and he was hallucinating. He reached out with his hand, running it down your hair and to your cheek. You were real. Solid and warm under his palm. He spoke your name, his voice shaking as he did so.

“How you feelin’?” he said.

You coughed a few times as you tried to clear your throat before saying. “Tired. Everything hurts. What happened?”

Arthur took a deep breath as he brought up what had happened on that seemingly quiet, serene walk down the main street of Rhodes. As he spoke, you started to piece together the events. You remembered walking with Arthur, Micah, Bill and Sean. Remembered the hostile glances from the people who stood at the porches, remembered how deserted the town looked. You remembered the excruciating pain you felt as you heard the gunshot ring, sending everybody into action and you, on the ground. It all came back too quickly and too strongly, and for a moment you felt like you were going through the entire encounter once again.

With Arthur’s help, you spent the next few weeks getting back on your feet, literally and figuratively. The first time you tried to get up from the cot, you almost fell straight to the ground, but thanks to Arthur, who stood next to you, you didn’t. As he always was, he was with you through your rehabilitation. From helping you to get up from the cot, to feeding you and helping you change, he was with you almost every waking hour. Whenever Dutch or others tried to come up to him and tell him about a possible new job, he wouldn’t think twice before declining, turning his attention back to you. You could see the way Dutch and others would glance disapprovingly at him, but Arthur couldn’t care less, he was completely devoted to helping you.

After a few weeks, you finally felt like yourself again. The pain in your muscles was gone and your abdomen didn’t bother you as much as it did in the beginning. The only thing to remind you of the event was a scar that now graced your abdomen.

You sat at the shore of Clemens point facing the water and letting the wind play with your hair. You thought about the future, and how you were supposed to move on from something like that. The wound might’ve healed, but the scar it left was deeper than it looked. 

Without turning away from the view, you said, “What do we do now?” to Arthur who sat next to you.

“We keep going. Together.”

He placed his large hand over your small one, giving it a reassuring squeeze. You turned away from the lake to look at him. He looked worn down; there were bags under his eyes, and his beard had grown out. Since you awakened, he’s spent almost all his waking hours tending to you, completely disregarding himself. You covered his hand with yours and leaned closer to Arthur, laying your head on his shoulder. ‘Together’. His words echoed in your head as your eyes fixated on the glittering water. Behind you, you could hear the buoyant voice of Dutch, delivering a speech to the shaken up camp members.

“We will get through this,” his voice sounded through the camp. “Together, we will. Stay with me, people.”

You heard his words, felt them linger in the air, carried through the camp by the wind, but not reaching neither you nor Arthur. You didn’t know what the feature held for either of you. All that mattered was that you were going to face it together.