#I USE SO MUCH OF THEIR CONTENT FOR INSTRUCTION ITS NOT EVEN FUNNY

[sugrhigh]

ALL YOURS - ( roomie!matt pt 5 )

summary- you and your roommate matt have been sleeping together for a minute now, but neither one of you wants to ask the other what it means. feelings come to fruition one night at a party and the dynamics of your relationship change once again.

warnings- nsfw content ahead people so read at ur own risk, swearing, drug/alcohol use, dom!matt kinda, unprotected sex, it’s straight up smut at the end so fr don’t read it if u don’t want to!

roomie!matt x fem!reader

a/n: THIS IS TECHNICALLY PART 5 OF THE ROOMIE!MATT TEXT SERIES so if you haven’t read those you might be a bit confused. link to the master list is here.

strap in because it’s kinda long so i hope u guys love this final chapter as much as i do <3 inbox is always open xo

@sleepysturnss

rain patters against the windows mercilessly as the tv drones on, interrupted only by booming thunder every few minutes.

its late in the day now, and the cloud coverage makes it extra gloomy, even with interior lights on. not that this bothers you.

storms have always been a source of comfort in your eyes. something about them makes you feel safe, reminds you that the world is far bigger than whatever is worrying you.

“oh, i’ve been meaning to ask if you’re still seeing that guy. what’s his name again?” nick asks from beside you, scrolling mindlessly on his phone as he slumps against the couch.

you’ve been sitting like this for hours together, rotting in his living room while it continues to pour outside.

“it’s luke, and no, i’m not talking to him anymore.” you reply, trying to sound as casual as possible.

he looks up at you now, clearly a bit shocked to be hearing this. “please tell me it’s not because of my bitch ass brother.”

you bark out a laugh before you can stop yourself, mostly due to the fact that it’s absolutely because of matt. just not for the reason he thinks.

“as if. it was my decision, don’t worry.”

this is only half true. you did cut the poor guy off, but only because matt had essentially instructed you to do so before you guys had sex for the first time a month ago.

and then you hooked up again. and again. and a couple more times after that. neither of you could stop coming back for more apparently.

none of your friends know yet. as much as you want to be honest with them, you haven’t really talked about the details of this little situation. you’re almost positive matt hasn’t been seeing anyone else, but you also haven’t outright asked.

and there’s no use telling everyone about something that might not even be real.

“what made you do that? was the sex bad? is he an asshole?” nick interrogates further, clicking his phone off so his full attention is on you.

you can’t tell if he’s suspicious or if you’re just genuinely paranoid, but you don’t like this line of questioning either way.

“no he’s fine, he just wasn’t doing it. and his breath always smelled for some reason.” you’re lying through your teeth, but his face morphs into an expression of disgust like he’s buying it.

“ew, major turn off.”

“you’re telling me.”

nick sighs and snuggles further into the cushions, resting his head on your shoulder as he stares at the tv.

“well for what it’s worth, i’m sorry it didn’t work out. but who knows, maybe you’ll meet someone sexy at nathan’s tomorrow.” he says.

“yeah, maybe.” you feed into the hypothetical, even though you know that won’t be happening.

at least not if matt sturniolo has a say in it.

-

your music is playing softly over the speaker as you get ready, perched in front of your vanity like a doll. you’ve just finished your makeup when you hear a singular tap on the door.

“can you hurry it up in here?” matt calls as he pushes it open slightly.

you find it funny that he’s always sure to knock, ever since he walked in on you naked that fateful afternoon. even though you’re literally sleeping together now, he makes it a point to not invade your privacy.

“can’t rush perfection, matthew.” you taunt him as you put your palette and brushes back in their rightful place.

he moves further into your room, walking over to stand behind you. he’s dressed up in jeans and that black muscle tee you love so much, tattoos on display as his hands go to knead your shoulders lightly.

“you do look amazing.” he compliments.

“likewise.” you reply before meeting his searing gaze in the reflection of the mirror.

he increases his pressure slightly, digging his fingers into your neck in a steady pattern. you already know what he’s angling at and he hasn’t even spoken.

“you know, we could just stay home.” matt suggests with a smirk.

“c’mon, we can’t keep ditching our friends. they’re gonna get suspicious at some point.” you shake your head and stand up, because the massage is starting to feel a little too good.

“nobody cared when we left early last time.”

you cross your arms over your chest and turn to give him a pointed look. “because you convinced them that i was sick.”

“so i’ll just tell them a different lie.” he shrugs.

“oh my god, i am going to this party with or without you, so you better make up your mind before the uber gets here.” you say over your shoulder, headed out of your room toward the stairs.

“such a brat.” he grumbles, but you hear him following you regardless.

“only for you.”

two hours later you’re standing in the middle of nathan’s living room, dancing along with the typical crowd. nick and madi are on either side of you, both bopping around drunkenly to the beat.

you’ve had three shitty drinks at this point and your head feels a bit fuzzy. you’re positive your cheeks are flushed, which is actually kind of nice.

matt was with you minutes earlier, but he’s ventured off to get another drink. it’s selfish that you miss him every second he’s not around.

it’s just nice having him by your side. sure, it was kind of casual at first, and you didn’t think it was going to develop so quickly. but now whatever is going on between you means a whole lot more.

you like when he asks you to spend the night in his room, or when he saves the last can of redbull for you so you don’t go to work without caffeine. you like that he’s been replacing the flowers he got you every time they start die, the way he insists on driving you places even if it’s out of his way.

you just like him, and it’s more than casual. at least it is to you, and you can’t imagine that at this point he doesn’t feel the same.

but you don’t want to be the one to try and put a label on it. quite frankly, it scares the shit out of you, and you’re still not drunk enough to keep thinking about it in the middle of this party.

you see chris a few feet away against the wall, beer in his hand as he chats animatedly with nathan. you know he has what you’re looking for, so you shout that you’ll be back and head their direction.

they both smile at you as you approach, almost perfectly in sync.

“what’s up!” chris leans down a bit so you can hear him better.

“do you still have that joint you mentioned earlier?” you ask into his ear.

he nods happily, and nathan shoots you both a questioning glance. by the looks of his sleepy eyes, he’s probably already crossed.

“we’re going to smoke!” you fill him in, motioning toward the front door.

nathan nods and tells you he’ll stay back, so the two of you shuffle your way out of the living room, trying to avoid bumping into as many people as possible.

you pass the kitchen, and as your eyes scan the people you spot matt huddled in the corner. he’s talking to a very obviously enthusiastic girl, one that you don’t recognize. your stomach drops at the sight of them, and you hate it.

he doesn’t see you, so you turn your head and keep following behind chris. he’ll stop talking to her soon. he’ll probably even come looking for you instead.

right?

the crowd thins as out by the door, and the two of your step out into the fresh air moments later. the street is relatively quiet, and once the door is shut the noise of the party is muffled. there’s nobody else outside, and you’re grateful.

the other townhouses stare at you as chris crosses the short driveway so he can hide underneath the tree in the yard. you follow his lead, watching as he fishes the lighter and joint out of his front pocket.

“keeping it handy, huh?” you joke.

“you caught me at the right time, i just packed it upstairs.” he smiles before putting it between his lips.

the flame burns the end as he takes a hit, exhaling up toward the sky. you pass it back and forth in silence, both enjoying the momentary break from socialization.

chris clears his throat a minute later, nudging at the grass with his toe absentmindedly. “so, i have a question to ask you.”

he looks over so he can hand the joint back, and your hands shake ever so slightly as you reach out to take it.

“yeah?”

“i think matt is seeing someone. do you know anything about that?” he asks bluntly.

you try to remain calm as you shake your head at him, though it seems impossible. you aren’t prepared for this at all.

“uh, no?”

chris smiles just a little bit, like he’s already got you right where he wants you. “so he doesn’t bring anyone over? it’s just the two of you?”

your narrow your eyes at him. “just ask what you want to ask.”

“are you guys together?”

there it is. you were expecting it this time, and it still makes your stomach flip.

“no. i mean, kind of? we’re not like, dating. we’re just…uh…hooking up.” you’re trying so hard to figure out how to put it that it sounds horrible.

he just laughs. “no you’re not. that kid is in love with you.”

your jaw drops slightly in surprise, and this only makes chris chuckle harder.

“what the fuck are you talking about?” you ask him once he finally calms down.

“i’ve seen how he’s acting lately. so fucking goofy, like he’s got his head in the clouds. he only ever gets all dopey like that when he really likes someone, and i kind of suspected it was you.”

it’s hard to find any words. there’s simply nothing on your brain, no coherent thought to be found. chris gives you a playful nudge.

“it’s okay, i won’t tell anyone if you don’t want me to. but i think you feel the same.” he makes a guess, and he’s very accurate.

you look away as you take your final hit, trying to decide how you want to respond. you exhale the smoke and pass the remainder of the joint back to him.

“okay, you got me. i do want it to be like, a real relationship. and i’ll talk to him about it soon, i promise. just please don’t tell anyone until i do.” you plead.

he wraps an arm around your shoulder, pulling you into a side hug. you relax into him, and you have to admit you’re a bit relieved that at least somebody knows now.

“of course not. i’m here to support you both whenever you’re ready. everyone else will be too.”

“thank you. that makes me feel a lot better, seriously.” you say truthfully as he pulls away.

“good.” he nods in satisfaction, giving you a loopy grin.

“i’ve mooched enough, so i’m gonna go back inside, but thanks again. i owe you a blunt for the reality check.” you point a finger at him as you back up off of the grass.

“i’ll never turn that down.”

the high has taken over as you spin around to walk normally, and it’s nearly impossible to stop smiling. having confirmation that you’re not crazy for feeling the way that you do is wonderful.

you head back inside the house, almost positive that you’d find matt hanging out somewhere with your friends.

but as you pass the kitchen again, you spot him in the same place, leaned up against the end of the counter with a solo cup in hand. it seems like the girl is even closer than she was before.

your face falls immediately. it makes you angry that it’s been so long and he still hasn’t told her to get lost yet. if he wants to be all possessive over you, then you shouldn’t have to act so cool for him.

you’re certainly not feeling collected right now. and he deserves to know that.

you wedge your way around the people chatting and pouring themselves drinks without a second thought. matt sees you coming before you actually reach him, and he looks confused by your irritated expression.

you wrap your fingers around his arm wordlessly, right in the middle of the nameless girl’s sentence. he doesn’t put up a fight. in fact, he’s practically hot on your heels as you pull him back toward the hall.

“uh—hey! we were talking bitch!” she shouts after you.

“don’t care.” you don’t even give her the satisfaction of making eye contact.

there’s really no point. matt is trailing behind you like a puppy, and that’s all that matters. he clearly doesn’t want to be there any more than you want him to.

“what’s going on?” he asks as you maneuver around the outside of the crowded living room, making a beeline for the staircase.

it’s taped off to everyone except your group, in case of emergency.

this feels like one, considering you don’t even care if anyone sees you together. you don’t respond, you just let go of his hand and step over the thin barrier, glancing behind you to see if he’ll follow.

there’s a curious look in his eye, but he does the same.

you continue up the stairs, making sure he has the perfect view of your ass as you go. you can literally feel him staring, which only stokes the fire.

“are you taunting me right now?” matt asks as you reach the second floor.

this makes you pause, and you turn around so you can wrap your hand in his shirt. you yank him into the bathroom, slapping the light switch on with your free hand.

you close the door behind you, which suppresses the booming sound of nathan’s music playing through the speakers.

“what the hell is this?” you uncurl your fist and shove his chest to put some space between you.

his eyebrows shoot up in surprise as he regains his balance and sets his cup down on the counter. you realize you probably spilled some of it by dragging him around, but that’s not your main focus right now.

“what do you mean?”

“don’t you dare play dumb. you can’t stand it when anyone else even breathes near me, so why would you think that i would be okay watching you flirt with some random girl for fifteen minutes? you either want me or you fucking don’t, matt.” you spit, crossing your arms over your chest defensively.

it’s shocking that you’re being this honest with him, but you’re faded and you’ve been pushed beyond your limit.

no use tip-toeing around it now.

“you think just because she came up to me that somehow means i don’t want you?” he asks, and there’s more of an edge to his tone now.

“how am i supposed to know? we haven’t talked about it, whatever this is.” you wave your hand back and forth between the two of you.

a look of understanding passes over his face. “oh, this is about labels, huh?”

this infuriates you more, because that’s not even the point you’re trying to make. he’s aggravatingly calm right now, like he’s so sure of himself.

“look, if you don’t want to be in a real relationship with me, then fine. i don’t care. but i’m not gonna keep exclusively sleeping with just you if that’s the case.”

matt is silent for a moment, eyes darting across your face. you can see him gazing at your lips, and it drives you crazy.

he takes one step forward, staring you down with those pretty blue eyes. even though your height different is relatively small, it still feels like he’s towering above you.

“are you really trying to tell me you wouldn’t care at all if i wanted to see other people?” he asks quietly.

his face is so close, and you breathe in his familiar smoky cologne. it’s dizzying, being this overwhelmingly attracted to someone.

“of course i’d be upset, but there’s not much i can do about it if you don’t feel the same.” your voice is hushed now too, and you wish you didn’t sound so weak.

matt cups your chin gently with one hand, forcing you to keep your focus on him. your heart is slamming against your ribcage now, begging for some kind of relief.

“i want to be with you so bad that it kills me.” he finally admits.

it’s your turn to be stunned, and you stay completely still as his thumb grazes over your bottom lip slowly.

“i had this whole thing planned, i was going to take you to a fancy little restaurant and ask you out like a gentleman. but you just couldn’t wait, could you?” his voice is husky, pupils blown out in lust.

“i…really?” you ask breathlessly.

“really. so what do you think? you wanna be mine?” he goads with a smirk, gripping your face a bit tighter.

it’s normally hard to swallow your pride, especially with matt, but you’re so vulnerable in this moment you can’t tell him anything besides the truth.

“i do.”

“good, because you already are.” he growls before closing the gap between you, lips crashing against yours.

he tastes sweet, like the soda he’s been mixing with vodka all night. it’s a pleasant mess of teeth and tongue as you deepen the kiss, passionate in a way that you’ve never experienced with him before.

his hands travel down to grab at your hips, pressing against you so your lower back bumps against the sink. you tangle your fingers in his hair, pulling enough to elicit a groan.

it vibrates against your mouth, and you feel yourself throb just from that little noise alone. he’s normally not very vocal, but you bring it out of him.

matt’s hands slide up your body, finding their way under the hem of your sheer lace top. his cold rings press against your stomach as he slowly inches higher, leaving goosebumps in their wake. you let go of him, throwing your hands upwards so he can peel the shirt over your head.

“so fucking pretty, just for me.” matt praises as he tucks your hair behind your ear, attaching his lips to your neck seconds later.

you tilt your head back to give him a better angle, sighing in pleasure as he nips at the soft skin. one hand is feeling up your chest as his teeth dig into your collar, tongue sliding over the marks he’s leaving in an attempt to soothe the irritated areas.

you move your own fingers down between both of your bodies, ghosting them over the crotch of his jeans, palming him just a bit. his dick is already straining against your hand, and he hisses a string of curses into your shoulder.

“no more teasing tonight, i need you now.” he grumbles, already out of breath as his hands travel to undo the button of your pants.

you take the lead and slide them down yourself, tearing your thin panties off with them because you want him just as much. it doesn’t seem fair that you’re the only one exposed, so you tug his muscle tee upwards in desperation.

matt doesn’t protest, he just tosses it to the floor with the rest of your discarded clothes. you let your fingers rake over his skin, down his abdomen and over his happy trail until your fingers meet the waistline of his jeans.

you glance up at him through your lashes as you unbuckle his belt, entirely naked now, and he swears he could finish just by looking at you.

the sensation of your hands skimming against his thighs as you drag his jeans and boxers to his ankles makes him twitch. nobody has ever turned him on the way you do, and it’s frightening how good you make him feel.

but you always enjoy everything just as much, because he’s the best dick you’ve ever had. perfect length, enough girth to stretch you out, and he knows exactly how to move to your liking. matt even keeps it trimmed nicely.

the tip glistens with precum, and you pull your hair back with one hand like you’re getting ready to put it in your mouth.

“no, stand back up baby.” he instructs, and the commanding note in his voice makes you push yourself off your knees, extending to your full height.

matt turns you around so you’re facing the mirror, one hand on your side and the other on your back as he forces you to bend at the waist. your forearms press flat against the cool marble counter, and the assertiveness of it all sends a jolt of excitement right to your core.

his palm comes down on the curve of your ass without warning, just hard enough to sting. you let out a whimper, arching your back more as you gaze at him through the reflection.

he pulls his bottom lip between his teeth, smoothing his hand over the place he just hit. his eyes are so dark, so full of desire that it just solidifies the way you feel about him.

“you like that? you want me to be rough?” matt leans over you, cock pressed against you as he speaks into your ear.

“please.” you whine, shifting your hips to try and feel more of him, to feel anything.

he stops your movements immediately and smacks your ass again, this time on the opposite side. it makes you groan in delight, almost involuntarily.

“you’re gonna look at yourself while i fuck you, got it princess?” he says, backing up just a bit so he can take his dick into his own hand and pump a few times.

you nod as you feel him line himself up at your entrance, and you know that at this angle you’re perfectly on display for him.

he pushes himself inside of you in one fluid motion, and you gasp as his fingers squeeze your hip. matt doesn’t give you time to adjust to him like normal. instead he immediately starts to pick up speed, wrapping your hair in his free hand so you can’t look anywhere else besides in front of you.

your lips are parted as you moan, eyes fluttering at the stimulation. you can hear matt grunting behind you, a deliciously dirty sound.

“look at how pretty you are, taking me so well. all fucking mine.” he marvels, rocking your body against him even harder.

skin slaps together, and his pace is making your legs tremble. you can feel the party raging on underneath you, and it’s strangely even hotter in this setting.

“shit, you fill me up so good matt.” you tell him, catching his eyes for a second before he throws his head back.

“fuck.”

he’s hitting it so well, and you can feel yourself tightening around him with every stroke. it’s turning him into an even bigger mess.

“god, if you keep that up i’m not gonna last much longer.” he warns, bucking his hips into you at a slightly different angle.

you cry out at the new sensation, a guttural noise that you didn’t even know you could make.

“i’m so close, right there babe.”

matt listens perfectly, using the hand on your waist to guide you so that you bounce against his thighs in the same spot. you’re a whining mess, and you can’t keep looking in the mirror.

you feel the tears as your eyes screw shut. the fire in your stomach is growing, spreading throughout your whole body. he tugs your roots a little bit more.

“come all over my dick, pretty girl. it’s all yours.”

his words are what send you over the edge, and your body shudders as you feel yourself giving in to the high, releasing all over him.

“fuck, matt, stay inside.” you pant, and he groans loudly.

two more sloppy strokes and you feel him tense, filling you up as he finishes. matt lets go of your hair, dragging his fingers along your shoulders, you back. you look so fucked out, makeup smudged slightly under your eyes, and you both love it.

he pulls out slowly, giving you one last tiny pat on your ass.

you’ve both got stars in your eyes as you stand, and you can feel the wetness pool against your thighs. thank god you’re on birth control. this was a special occasion anyways.

you turn, and matt immediately pulls you in for a kiss. you smile slightly, because you can’t help it.

“come on, i need to get cleaned up.” you pull away slightly.

“fine.” he sighs, but he lets you go regardless.

you wipe yourself off with some toilet paper quickly and flush it while he redresses. you two have been missing for minute now.

you guess it doesn’t really matter. sure, you should probably be discrete about having sex around your friends. but you’re also together. officially.

“so, does this mean i can tell the other girls in your dms to fuck off?” you joke as you put your underwear back on, shimmying into your jeans next.

“you can honestly tell them whatever you want.” matt runs a hand through his hair, smiling at you like a fucking goofball.

you’re just situating your shirt into place when the door comes swinging open, revealing a very drunk nathan. you and matt freeze, completely unsure what to do.

his eyes go wide as he realizes what’s going on, mouth hanging open like he can’t believe it.

“woah. no fucking way”

[atopvisenyashill]

patterns of abuse with jaehaerys

this post made me deeply depressed and i reread f&b which was my first mistake.

tldr i’m making the argument that jaehaerys definitely sexually abused saera and alysanne, and likely viserra and gael, and also i hate this man. if you disagree and want to say so *nicely* that’s cool but if you hardcore love jae and don’t want to hear criticism, maybe just scroll past bc i’m not nice to him at all (obviously, i’m accusing him of csa lol).

breaking this down by each woman, so there’s 6 sections: saera, viserra, daella, gael, alysanne, and alicent.

saera targaryen

If she were the king’s firstborn, or better still his only child, she would be well content. Instead she finds herself the ninthborn, with six living siblings who are older than her and even more adored. Aemon is to be king, Baelon most like will be his Hand, Alyssa may be all her mother is and more, Vaegon is more learned than she is, Maegelle is holier, and Daella…when does a day go by when Daella is not in need of comfort? And whilst she is being soothed, Saera is being ignored. Such a fierce little thing she is, they say, she has no need of comfort. They are wrong in that, I fear. All men need comfort.

that’s septon barth’s opinion on her and barth is always right. simply put, she’s a deeply neglected child who acts like a brat to get her parents attention because she’s learned the only way they’ll pay attention to her is if she’s causing a problem.

Before she was eleven, she was stealing wine and ale instead. By twelve, she was like as not to arrive drunk when summoned to the sept for prayer.

The king’s half-witted fool, Tom Turnip, was the victim of many of her japes, and her unwitting catspaw for others. Once, before a great feast where many lords and ladies were to be in attendance, she persuaded Tom that it would be much funnier if he performed naked. It was not well received.

stealing alcohol at 10 and being a committed alcoholic at 12 is not normal behavior. it is a sign of something deeply at wrong at home. also, the way she kind of, sexually humiliated tom, someone who is too “innocent” to even realize she’s sexually humiliating him…gives me the ick re: how she views sex.

Saera had learned the art of getting anything she wanted from her father: a kitten, a hound, a pony, a hawk, a horse (Jaehaerys did draw a firm line at the elephant). Queen Alysanne was far less gullible, however, and Septon Barth tells us that Saera’s sisters all misliked her to various degrees.

i don’t like this. nothing wrong with giving your child gifts (see ned going above and beyond to get arya not just instruction on how to fight but also a specific style that would gel with being smaller than your average opponent) but in conjunction with “jaehaerys ignores saera unless she’s pressing him for an expensive gift which he immediately gives her and alysanne doesn’t get why he caved so quickly” its an alarming dynamic.

also speaks to how isolated saera specifically was, that the only siblings that like her (aemon and baelon) are usually out and about, and there’s a clear wedge between saera and her sisters, even viserra.

The screams were coming from Tom Turnip, who was lurching helplessly in circles trying to escape from half a dozen naked whores, whilst the patrons of the house laughed uproariously and shouted on the harlots. Jonah Mooton, Red Roy Connington, and Stinger Beesbury were amongst those patrons, each one drunker than the last. They had thought it would be funny to see old Turnip do the deed, Red Roy admitted. Then Jonah Mooton laughed and said the jape had all been Saera’s notion, and what a funny girl she was.

again with sexually humiliating tom.

it continues with her friends. it’s not unusual for a 15 year old girl to want to fool around with other 15 year olds but alys and perri are all guilt ridden and upset and alys is with child. it reminds me a lot of cersei sexually abusing taena in affc. when she’s caught (now, mind you, she’s been marched in front of her parents sitting on the throne and not brought to them in their private rooms. she’s being treated right off the bat as if she’s guilty of a crime and not guilty of being a shitty teenager):

“She went from denial to dismissal to quibbling to contrition to accusation to justification to defiance in the space of an hour, with stops at giggling and weeping along the way,” Septon Barth would write. “She never did it, they were lying, it never happened, how could they believe that, it was just a game, it was just a jape, who said that, that was not how it happened, everyone likes kissing, she was sorry, Peri started it, it was such fun, no one was hurt, no one ever told her kissing was bad, Sweetberry had dared her, she was so ashamed, Baelon used to kiss Alyssa all the time, once she started she did not know how to stop, she was afraid of Stinger, the Mother Above had forgiven her, all the girls were doing it, the first time she was drunk, she had never wanted to, it was what men wanted, Maegelle said the gods forgave all sins, Jonah said he loved her, the gods had made her pretty, it was not her fault, she would be good from now on, it will be as if it never happened, she would marry Red Roy Connington, they had to forgive her, she would never kiss a man again or do any of those other things, it wasn’t her who was with child, she was their daughter, she was their little girl, she was a princess, if she were queen she would do as she liked, why wouldn’t they believe her, they never loved her, she hated them, they could whip her if they wanted but she would never be their slave. She took my breath away, this girl. There was never a mummer in all the land who gave such a performance, but by the end she was exhausted and afraid, and her mask slipped.”

What does Jaehaerys ask after all of this? “Have you given any of these boys your maidenhead?” Her response:

“True?” said Saera. It was in that moment, with that word, that the contempt came out. “No. I gave it to all three. They all think they were the first. Boys are such silly fools.”

Now mind you, Alyssa and Daella have both died of childbirth recently and her parents are mad she had sex as a 16 year old bordering on 17 year old, and not the fact that she like, at best peer pressured her besties into having sex and now one of them is pregnant. jaehaerys has only asked if she’s still a virgin.

“I will be married,” the princess said. “Why shouldn’t I be? You were married at my age. I shall be wedded and bedded, but to whom? Jonah and Roy both love me, I could take one of them, but they are both such boys. Stinger does not love me, but he makes me laugh and sometimes makes me scream. I could marry all three of them, why not? Why should I have just one husband? The Conqueror had two wives, and Maegor had six or eight.”

i keep trying not to give my opinion and just lay it all out but the thing is i’d just be reposting the whole scene because it’s just filled with so much weird sex stuff. if you don’t remember it, go reread it. it doesn’t feel (to me) like regular “george is bad at writing sex” vibes but “george is purposefully trying to skeeve you out” vibes but i am willing to admit i could be wrong and he really just doesn’t understand what he wrote.

anyways remember how i said saera acts out to get attention from her parents? all she’s done here is act out, her “crimes” are basically nonexistent; beyond how alys feels about being pregnant, saera consensually had sex with boys around her age who aren’t married, and then blithely compared herself to some asshole relatives. if your teenager idolizes dick cheney that’s probably worrying but not a crime! this is not how jae treats it however.

When the princess heard his words, she rushed toward him, crying, “Father, Father!” but Jaehaerys turned his back on her, and Gyles Morrigen caught her by the arm and wrenched her away. She would not go of her own accord, so the guards were forced to drag her from the hall, wailing and sobbing and calling for her father.

The king was angry and unyielding, for his shame was deeply felt, and he could not forget Saera’s taunting words about his uncle’s wives. “She is no longer my daughter,” he said more than once. Queen Alysanne could not find it in her heart to be so harsh, however. “

saera tries to escape.

This time the princess was not allowed to return to her own chambers. She was confined to a tower cell instead, with Jonquil Darke guarding her day and night, even in the privy.

Princess Saera watched from the window of her cell. Jonquil Darke, her gaoler, made certain that she did not turn away.

that’s as her dad is murdering stinger btw. is he a creepy 19 year old? yeah. but like, making your 15 year old watch you murder her 19 year old trust fund baby stoner boyfriend sure is something.

so then they sent her to the silent sisters where she’s beaten all the time and has to pray all the time and she runs away, becomes a sex worker and literally never looks back.

The truth did not come out until a year later, when the former princess was seen in a Lysene pleasure garden, still clad as a novice. Queen Alysanne wept to hear it. “They have made our daughter into a whore,” she said. “She always was,” the king replied.

“You need her as a Dornishman needs a pit viper,” Jaehaerys said. “I am sorry. King’s Landing has sufficient whores. I do not wish to hear her name again.”

but before we move on, let’s look at one more related ick, when saera’s sons show up to the great council:

From Essos came three rival competitors, grandsons of King Jaehaerys through his daughter Saera, each sired by a different father. One was said to be the very image of his grandsire in his youth.

after her drinking, acting out, and jaehaerys’ focus on calling her a whore, explicitly pointing out that one of her grandsons looks just like jae is a choice. i know they’re super inbred. it’s still uncomfortable in context.

viserra targaryen

alysanne makes no sense here but i’m just gonna quickly explain instead of lay it out or we will be here all day bc viserra’s engagement is completely nonsensical. theomore manderly is old, ugly, has a shitton of heirs, and viserra clearly doesn’t want to marry him. also if she wanted to be queen, why is she going after baelon, aemon is still alive. anyways jaehaerys is no help here, then she goes to baelon for help, but she’s also super drunk.

Frustrated, Viserra next turned to her brother Baelon in hopes of rescue, if court gossip can be believed. Slipping past his guards into his bedchamber one night, she disrobed and waited for him, making free with the prince’s wine whilst she lingered. When Prince Baelon finally appeared, he found her drunk and naked in his bed and sent her on her way. The princess was so unsteady that she required the help of two maids and a knight of the Kingsguard to get her safely back to her own apartments.

she gets drunk with some friends again, goes riding, breaks her neck. i wanted to point out this pattern of drinking and acting out at a young age. as well as this pattern of targaryen daughters who aren’t “meant” for a brother and are promised to men who are old and with heirs

daella targaryen

i wanted to add daella because her getting married at 15 makes as little sense as viserra, and her match to a old man with several heirs is equally nonsensical. but also this:

“I would never marry her,” the boy said, in front of half the court. “She can barely read. She should find some lord in need of stupid children, for that’s the only sort he will ever have of her.”

where did vaegon get that mouth.

Daella was not clever, even her septa had to admit. She learned to read after a fashion, but haltingly, and without full comprehension. She could not seem to commit even the simplest prayers to memory. She had a sweet voice, but was afraid to sing; she always got the words wrong. She loved flowers, but was frightened of gardens; a bee had almost stung her once.

Jaehaerys, even more than Alysanne, despaired of her. “She will not even speak to a boy. How is she to marry? We could entrust her to the Faith, but she does not know her prayers, and her septa says that she cries when asked to read aloud from The Seven-Pointed Star.”

The queen always rose to her defense. “Daella is sweet and kind and gentle. She has such a tender heart. Give me time, and I will find a lord to cherish her. Not every Targaryen needs to wield a sword and ride a dragon.”

so daella is 12 at this point.

Her sixteenth nameday was fast approaching, and with it her womanhood. Queen Alysanne was at her wit’s end, and the king had lost his patience. On the first day of the 80th year since Aegon’s Conquest, he told the queen he wanted Daella wed before the year’s end. “If she wants I can find a hundred men and line them up before her naked, and she can pick the one she likes,” he said. “I would sooner she wed a lord, but if she prefers a hedge knight or a merchant or Pate the Pig Boy, I am past the point of caring, so long as she picks someone.”

i just don’t like this. other “simple” targs are not required to marry, like vaella and aelora, two of daeron ii’s grandfaughters so i don’t get why daella is pressured into marrying before she’s even of age. at least jae 2 forced rhaella and aerys because of a prophecy? what is jae’s reasoning for so sexualizing his daughter?

gael targaryen

this one is definitely a reach but i’d like to point out that this is basically all we know about gael:

Princess Gael, a sweet, shy child of seven, became the queen’s constant shadow and support, even sharing her bed at night.

and our information on how she dies is so shady:

A sweet-natured girl, but frail and somewhat simpleminded, she remained with the queen long after her other children had grown and gone, but in 99 AC she vanished from court, and soon afterward it was announced that she had died of a summer fever. Only after both her parents were gone did the true tale come out. Seduced and abandoned by a traveling singer, the princess had given birth to a stillborn son, then, overwhelmed by grief, walked into the waters of Blackwater Bay and drowned.

how does gael get pregnant by a traveling singer when she never leaves her mother’s side? why doesn’t anyone in court know gael got pregnant and killed herself until after aly and jae both die and how was this even found out?

am i implying that jaehaerys sexually abused all four of his daughters? yes because he literally sexually abuses his own wife.

alysanne targaryen

“I am forty-two years old,” she told the king. “You must be content with the children I have given you. I am more suited to be a grandmother than a mother now, I fear.”

King Jaehaerys did not share her certainty. “Our mother, Queen Alyssa, was forty-six when she gave birth to Jocelyn,” he pointed out to Grand Maester Elysar. “The gods may not be done with us.” He was not wrong. The very next year, the Grand Maester informed Queen Alysanne that she was once more with child, to her surprise and dismay.

he uses the birth that killed their mother and that is condemned by rhaena and alysanne as reckless and cruel of rogar to force on her. that birth.

at this point as well, he had abused saera and daella, then they’re gone, then viserra starts drinking and dies, then jae marital rapes aly into having gael, giving him access to another young girl to abuse…i’m aware this is a very uncharitable reading of him but…

alicent hightower (and kind of alyssa targaryen)

Ser Otto’s precocious fifteen-year-old daughter, Alicent, became his constant companion, fetching His Grace his meals, reading to him, helping him to bathe and dress himself. The Old King sometimes mistook her for one of his daughters, calling her by their names; near the end, he grew certain she was his daughter Saera, returned to him from beyond the narrow sea.

saera is the one he fixated on yet again but notable that he’s fixated on his daughters as he dies and not his sons, despite jaehaerys turning to drink after aemon died bc he was so upset.

He announced his intention to wed Lady Alicent of House Hightower, the clever and lovely eighteen-year-old daughter of the King’s Hand, the girl who had read to King Jaehaerys as he lay dying.

The Hightowers of Oldtown were an ancient and noble family, of impeccable lineage; there could be no possible objection to the king’s choice of bride. Even so, there were those who murmured that the Hand had risen above himself, that he had brought his daughter to court with this in mind. A few even cast doubt on Lady Alicent’s virtue, suggesting she had welcomed King Viserys into her bed even before Queen Aemma’s death. (These calumnies were never proved, though Mushroom repeats them in his Testimony and goes so far as to claim that reading was not the only service Lady Alicent performed for the Old King in his bedchamber.)

i know it’s just mushroom being a perv but a rumor that 15 year old alicent “serviced” jaehaerys existing besides rumors that he mistook 15 year old alicent for the daughter he last saw when she was 17 - and viserra was 15, gael 19, and daella 15, all around alicent’s age and all died before age 20. all the targaryen girls that weren’t born “for” a brother exit the narrative after some sort of sexual abuse that centers around jae, as teenagers; daenerys was born for aemon, alyssa for baelon, and maegelle for vaegon before they both fucked off and maegelle was too pious (and too old). this idea of being “for” a brother leads directly to alyssa’s death before 30:

“You were made for battles, and I was made for this. Viserys and Daemon and Aegon, that’s three. As soon as I am well, let’s make another. I want to give you twenty sons. An army of your own!” It was not to be. Alyssa Targaryen had a warrior’s heart in a woman’s body, and her strength failed her. She never fully recovered from Aegon’s birth, and died within the year at only four-and-twenty.

and alysanne being “for” jaehaerys is how he excusing sexually abusing her into a risky pregnancy. essentially what i fear is that because saera, daella, viserra, and gael aren’t “for” someone, jaehaerys gets it into his mind that that are for him. even without him raping them tho, that subtext is there! he is entitled to saera’s virginity and calls her a whore multiple times, even decades after she’s left, and murders her boyfriend in front of her. he claims a weird sexual ownership over his neurodivergent daughter daella and his alcoholic, depressed daughter viserra, and we get zero information on gael’s pregnancy or his reaction to it. but jaehaerys deciding his daughters are “for” him certainly has a basis in canon just judging from the erratic and worrying behavior of his younger daughters.

jaehaerys is a creep and i hate him and i don’t know how much of this is on purpose (like, will aegon vi or dany find out jaehaerys was a shady pedo and it shatters their world? will dunk and egg find it out and it affects their plot somehow? did george just put it in there to make a comment on power and monarchy and misogyny, similar to aegon iv raping the bracken women? or is just there for window dressing creepiness, like “i will pepper in the fact that jaehaerys is sexually obsessed with his daughters” thing?) or if george just made jaehaerys sexually obsessed with his daughters on accident?

on the one hand, it seems out of character for george. he romanticizes drogo thru dany’s eyes but it’s clear he’s meant to be seen as a creep (dany talking about being pregnant followed by “she had just turned 14” is sickeningly jarring for a reason) and also, drogo dies bc of his own pride. sansa doesn’t like any of the old dudes touching her; she is at least marginally freaked out by her wedding night, the unkiss, and lf & dontos taking liberties with her, and rightly. the story that’s told about the mountain raping a girl and making the father pay him is meant to disgust us. the walk of shame is a harrowing chapter to read, because whatever cersei’s crimes, this sexual humiliation is not something she deserves. on and on. yes, we all hate the way arya is sexualized in the mercy chapter, but crucially, she’s not blithely and happily seducing these pervs, she’s going hard candy on their asses. is this just messy set up for something like that?? i think, given how little dany knows about her family’s crimes that somehow learning jae sexually abused (and maybe even impregnated) his own daughters after she herself experiences sexual abuse would be huge. the same goes for aegon vi learning that sexual abuse runs rampant in his family tree; would he empathize with saera hiding out in essos to escape the sexual abuse of her father, see some of elia and his own plight in her? in gael?

or did george really just. not realize how sexually obsessed jaehaerys was with his daughters?

idk how to end this. where’s the winds of winter george i need answers.

[spicerackofblorbos]

Chapter 1: November

☾ Pairings ➼ Levi Ackerman x fem!mute!Reader (she/her pronouns), set in a modern semi-fictional world

☾ Summary ➼ Due to childhood trauma, you find yourself an adult without the ability to speak. After years of working on it, you have found ways to live without a voice. Now here in your late 20s, you are 5 months in getting used to a new town. On a fateful day in late November, you and your adopted sister visit a local bookstore-café, unaware of the friendships about to blossom. Throughout the months, one friendship in particular develops into something more.

☾ Content/Warnings ➼ fluff, slowburn, oblivious feelings, angst, mention of minor character deaths, trauma, illness, adoption, mentions of fire, disabilities, alcohol use, very light nsfw mentions, eventual smut (these update with every chapter)

☾ Author's note ➼ Hey guys! This is my first time writing fanfiction in a loooooong time, like the last time I wrote was probably in 2011. So with that said please be kind with any feedback or comments. I hope you enjoy! (also I made Hange's pronouns she/her/them/they)

Edit (11/27/2023): Hey guys, welcome to my little world of Unspoken Words. I have quite literally used this story as a way to better myself as a writer. As you read on, you may find that I've progressed (ofc I have a long way to go) but because of that, my first few chapters might be rough. With your patience, you may find a liking to this story as I know I've loved writing every word of it.

☾ word count ➼ ~7.1k

20-something years ago 

You’re not sure how, but you find yourself sitting in the back of a big, white van. Red and blue lights danced in your eyes, and it felt like a thousand people surrounded you. Something plastic is placed on your face then you are instructed to breathe in deeply. You thought it was funny to be told to breathe, like you don’t just do it naturally, but you follow instructions regardless. It’s hard though, every part of your body hurts, chest included. Every breath you take feels like your insides are on fire.  

‘Fire’, you think.  

Everything is on fire.

Present Day

Levi stood blank faced as he meticulously cleaned the blender station for what felt like the 100th time today. The late afternoon rush had just tapered down so he took advantage of the next to empty café to clean as much as he could before closing for the evening.  

“It’s 20 degrees outside, how are people still wanting frozen drinks.” he murmurs to himself, placing the blender back in its spot. Levi turns to the front counter and slings the towel he was using to dry things onto his shoulder.  

His best friend, roommate, and business partner could be seen restocking some books on tall shelves, a gentle smile lighting up his boyish features. It’s been about a year and a half since they started this business venture together and they had no idea at the time how successful their bookstore-café combo would be in this small town.  

Erwin’s thirst for knowledge kept their shelves as variable as ever while Levi’s love for perfecting the art of tea kept the drinks flowing. The problem, however, was Levi’s lack of people skills. He was seldom seen at the register, nor would you ever see him smile or talk to the customers. He often would leave you with a grunt and a swift turn after handing off the drinks.  

No, for that, they had hired a couple of local highschoolers to do the facing work.  

“Mr. Smith, Levi?” a soft voice rang out to the left of him. Levi shifted his attention to a taller girl with shoulder length raven hair standing next to him. Being as Mikasa is his cousin, they found early on how weird it was to be called ‘Mr. Ackerman’ as they shared the same surname. It was this connection too that got them to where they are today.  

“Would it be okay if Eren and I take off a little early tonight? We have some big tests coming up and we’d like to take some extra time to study.” Mikasa shifted her dark eyes to the darkening windows as the sun set just over the horizon. Pinks and oranges flooded the partially clouded skies.  

”Tch.” Levi could not help but roll his eyes. He raised a brow at her and leaned back against the counter behind him for support. “Sure, I guess,” he continues. “But do you really need it or is it for that blockhead?”  

As if summoned by his words, Eren comes up from behind Mikasa and wraps a red scarf around his girlfriend’s neck, both of their jackets hanging off one of his arms. Eren is a good kid, always on time and followed directions, but the amount of sass he held in his body was something else. Levi and Erwin did not mind though, as he added a certain energy in the café that the customers seemed to enjoy. The two men wouldn’t say it out loud, but they really appreciated having them both on the team.  

“Hey, I heard that. And yes, I need to study desperately. Econ is so hard and for what?!” Eren’s teal eyes widened for emphasis. To add to it he even put on a fake pout.  

“I-”  

“Just take the trash with you on the way out and you’re good to go.” Erwin piped up from behind a bookshelf.  

Mikasa nodded in acknowledgement towards the voice, a silent thank you. Like Levi, she was not one for many words. He once thought it was an Ackerman thing but then he thought back to his annoying uncle and changed his mind quickly.  

With that, she and Eren both untangled the aprons from their bodies, grabbed their belongings, and picked up the trash bags that were already taken out of the cans. They opted to leave through the back since the dumpsters were located that way. Again, Levi wouldn’t say it to anyone out loud, but he really did like those kids.  

Erwin could be heard stacking more books into the shelves which left Levi to polish the counters again. It was the last hour before they closed so it stayed quiet for the most part, only interrupted by the sounds of scuffling shoes and books being placed on hard surfaces. Light jazz filled the rest of the silence. Then the bell signifying new customers rang from the front.  

“Levi, can you grab that?”  

The raven-haired man just huffed in response then stepped over to the register. His eyes fell on two figures right in front of him. A frazzled brunette and... you.  

Due to the season, you are bundled up in a thick parka and knitted beanie. A big scarf wraps around your neck and face so that all Levi could see is your flushed cheeks and thick lashed eyes. Truthfully, you reminded him of a marshmallow.  

“What’ll it be?” he asks, deadpan. The brunette is the one to respond, the voice loud enough to make him wince.  

“Hmmm... well one English breakfast tea latte with lots of room for sugar aaaaand I’ll take a peppermint hot chocolate. Oh, and extra whip! We’ll drink it here.” She fished out a card with a dramatic thwip and handed it to Levi’s outstretched hand.  Their café is one of those where if you were to stay, they offered washable cup ware as to keep the prices down on disposable cups. Not to mention the lessened ‘environmental impact’ as Erwin would say.  

Levi glances at you before turning to make both orders. You give a small wave and smile a little, but he was already working quickly on the drinks. 

He went into autopilot as he steeped the tea and steamed the milk. He really appreciated customers that ordered anything outside of coffee, especially when it came to tea. It’s not that he hated coffee, though it’s not like he liked it either, but it just wasn’t his thing. Coffee offered a different kind of bitterness that he wasn’t very fond of. With extra whipped cream in one and extra space in the other, he whirled around to place the drinks on the counter.  

The one with glasses is the one that picks them up and they promptly walk in the direction of where you currently sit, one of the tables in the back corner by the window. You were stripped of your big parka and scarf, though the beanie stayed. Your eyes were wandering around the café in wonder, and Levi was pretty sure this had to be your first time here. But truthfully, he wouldn’t know, he didn’t make it his business to know his customers. That was Erwin’s and the kids’ job. 

“The shelves are full and I’m exhausted.” Erwin came around the counter with a couple of empty boxes in his arms, heading straight for the back to the dumpster. Levi stepped back and leaned against the counter once again, his own black tea that had steeped while making yours cradled in his fingertips. He kept looking at his only customers while he sipped the black liquid. The teacup almost slipped out of his grip as he saw you dumping a large amount of sugar into your cup.  

 There you sit, extremely focused on the cup in front of you and lips pressed together tightly, almost as if you were afraid you’d put in too much. The sight would have been funny if you hadn’t just ruined your entire tea, he thinks to himself. You smile to yourself in satisfaction and put the sugar jar back where it came from. While you stir the sweetener in gently, the brunette in front of you talks animatedly. Hands were flying everywhere, and Levi could practically feel the energy radiating from the corner of the room.  You were doing the same, silently laughing. 

Suddenly the front door flew open, the bell ringing loudly with it. Levi grits his teeth, steeling himself for yet another customer interaction. But his shoulders dropped in relief at the sight of only Carly, Erwin’s girlfriend. She saunters up to the counter with a big smile aimed towards Levi and without even asking she slid behind the bar. Erwin had already made it from the back and was in the process of putting away the leftover ingredients from the day. Carly wraps her arms around her boyfriend and plants a big kiss on his face, to which Levi quickly looks away. It wasn’t weird for her to come in right as they were about to close.  

What was weird, he thought, was the shock that flooded your face as you eyed the very public display of affection. Levi knit his brows in confusion as the brunette pivoted in her seat to see what you were staring at. Their face fell, any evidence of a good time completely erased.  

“Carly?”  

The person in question whipped around so fast at the voice and the panic that exuded from her was palpable. She quickly unwrapped herself from Erwin’s embrace.  

“Hange.”  

If it wasn’t for the jazz in the background, the lengthy silence that followed would have been deathly.  

Carly clears her throat and laughs awkwardly.  

“Uh, why are you here?”  

The person named Hange just lifts their hot chocolate cup awkwardly, not really saying anything. Their eyes shift between Carly and Erwin, clearly understanding what had happened.  

“I-I’m sorry, you guys know each other?” Erwin sounds cautious, like he already knew the answer. Of course, he would, he isn’t dumb. His piercing blue eyes survey the situation, going back and forth between the two.  

“Well, uh. I-” Carly stutters, clearly at a loss of what to say in the predicament she found herself in.  

“She’s my girlfriend.” Hange claims calmly.  

This admission makes Erwin sigh heavily, confirming what he had pieced together. Levi stared at him in bewilderment as the man just chuckled quietly.  

“Well. I suppose that’s it then.” And with that he turns on his heel and stalks off to the back room. 

“Wait, Erwin I can explain!” She follows right on his heels and disappears into the back room as well. A minute later you can hear hysterical crying and calm retorts reverberating from the back. If Levi could shrink into the cabinets to get out of this situation, he would. Instead, he focuses on the other party who were having a very quiet and rushed discussion. Well, a one-sided discussion, as he only heard one voice.  

Levi, realizing it was almost time to close anyways, rushes to close the distance between him and the front door. He really did not want to have to deal with other customers while the drama unfurled. So, he flips the door sign to ‘Closed’ and unplugs the ‘Open’ neon sign hanging in the window. A couple walks by about to open the door, probably out for a café date from the looks of it. But they were only met with a dead stare from the sharpest eyes they’d ever seen. With that, they briskly turned around and left down the sidewalk.  

Levi spins around and from here he gets a better look at the two trapped customers. You were moving your hands all over the place like you were earlier. But with an even closer look he realizes you weren’t just talking animatedly with your hands; you were talking with them. You were signing. 

You reacted to your partner’s conversation just fine, so it was clear you had some sort of hearing. Your scarf now hung loose around your shoulders, and it looked like you had tears brimming in your eyes. Levi swiftly walks back to the counter; this is obviously not a conversation he needed to be a part of.

“Hey, don’t worry about me. It’s only been a couple of months. Really, it’s better to find out now than 3 years from now.” They laughed without humor. You know when Hange was saving face for your sake, she was never as sly as she thought she was.  

‘You don’t need to be strong right now.’ You sign then reach your hand out to touch her cheek softly. Physical touch had become your second language early on, if only to emphasize. Fortunately, Hange was okay with that and often embraced it with open arms.  

“I know, my little strawberry. I just need some time to process everything.” They pat you on the head lightly with a small grin. You swat their hands, blushing at the nickname you were so graciously given so many years ago.  But you nod back, knowing they would not change their mind.  

The tall blonde glides through the back door, alone. His face was grim as he tugged loose the tie around his neck.  

“Hange, was it?” He started walking towards you and your very startled sister.  

“U-uh yeah. That’s my name! Listen I had no idea, I’m so sorry. I would have said something obviously but-”, they take a deep breath. “I’m sorry. What’s your name again?”  

“Erwin Smith. There is nothing to apologize for as I can only assume there’s only one blame to be given. I hate that we must meet under such a circumstance, but it is truly nice to meet you.” He raises a hand waiting for a handshake.  

Hange takes it after a second of processing, shaking the hand vigorously with both hands.  

“Well, unfortunately it is what it is. I’m sure Carly and I will be speaking soon. I’m assuming she’s not just hiding back there.” They flick their gaze to the back door he had just come through.  

“Ah well, yes. Long gone... how long were you two...?”  

“Only like, 3 months or so. You?” 

He flinched at that and murmured, “3 Years.” 

Thinking back to her comment not 10 minutes ago, Hange bit their cheek.  

“Oh man I’m so sorry.”  

“No, please. It’s alright. None of this is yours or my fault. We couldn’t have known, but now we do.” Erwin chuckled to himself. You wonder if he’s trying to save face the way your sister did. His gaze now shifts to you. He is a very handsome man. To your extreme surprise, he starts signing to you. 

‘I'm sorry, who might you be? I noticed you signing earlier. I know a little from the books I have read.’ His crystal blue eyes sparkle at you as he signs. You can’t help but break out into a huge grin. You sign your name back and compliment him on his raw signing form.  

‘I am of hearing, though. So please feel free to talk, and I will sign back.’ You clarify to Erwin, the smile not falling from your face.  

“That sounds like a plan. Levi, stop hiding behind the counter and come say hi.” Erwin calls out, not bothering to look over his shoulder. You hear a grunt in response and not 10 seconds later, the barista stands cross armed next Erwin. He nods a hello to each of you.  

You knew he was shorter than you, at least a couple inches, based off the interaction at the counter earlier. But seeing him side by side with his friend was almost comical. But as short stature as he was, it did not keep him from holding himself with such authority. It made you nervous.  

‘Thank you for the tea, it was very good.’ You sign, your sister translating in real time for you.  

“Tch, are you sure? I saw you dump enough sugar in it to make it syrup.” Levi retorts dryly.  

That makes you smile sheepishly. His fixated stare unnerved you a little, but you stare back regardless. Now that he was closer, a glass case no longer between the both of you, your eyes traveled along his face in close inspection. 

He’s beautiful, you think to yourself. His features are sharp and angled. Steely gray eyes pronounced a permanent exhausted look. It was a shade of gray you’ve never seen before, and they were mesmerizing. As if he could feel you staring holes in his face, he flicks his eyes to the side, clearly uncomfortable. But you can’t help it, because really the most intriguing thing about him was not his metallic eyes. It was the scars that marred his porcelain skin.  

A couple of scars ran down the right side of his face. The prominent of the two trailed from the top right of his forehead all the way down to his chin, cutting into his right eye and both lips. You’re pretty sure his eye was quite damaged due to the slight muted discoloration of the eye color.  

He’s beautiful, you repeat to yourself. You glance over to Hange, and they just look over at you with a knowing look. You know she was just begging to ask Levi too, but she just shakes her head. So, you fold your hands together and pinch your lips together.  

“Well!” Hange yells out, breaking the silence. “This human really needs a drink. Let’s all go! Erwin, I demand you let me treat you to a couple drinks!” She wraps an arm around your shoulders and laughs.  

“A drink sounds fantastic; I will gladly take you up on that offer. Let me just close up rea-” He’s cut off by Levi raising both of his hands up in protest. You notice the two missing fingers on his right hand. The pointer and middle were gone. Whatever this man went through, you just had to know. But you toss those questions onto an ever-growing pile and bite your cheek.  

“Erwin, I can close up. You go ahead.” Your sister just smiles widely and practically jumped up and down. The blonde man just clapped his hand Levi’s shoulder and smiled at him.  

“Thank you. You’ll join us after? The usual place?” Levi just shrugs his shoulders in response.  

Part of you hoped he would. You couldn’t place a singular reason why though.  

.

Fifteen minutes later, the three of you found yourselves in a well-lit and very crowded bar. Somehow Erwin had snagged a table near the back wall. Heavy rock blares loudly from a live band maybe 20 feet away. Overwhelming was an understatement, but you grit your teeth and sit down on one of the stools.  

“Whatcha want, my darlings?!” Hange yells over the music, slapping both hands down on the table and staring at the both of you.  

“Whiskey neat, whatever they offer is fine.”  

You sign the words ‘apple’ and ‘juice’ followed by a ‘thank you’. You’ve never been one for a drink. While it was tolerable to be around, you’d rather not have to taste it if you could help it.  

Looking around, you see all manners of people surrounding you. Something about it makes your stomach turn but you shift in your seat to quell it down. You’re sure it’s only so crowded because of the prospect of a Friday night and the promise of no plans the following day. The town of Jinae was not anything special, but it was quaint. You and your sister found out quickly it was a place where everyone knew mostly everyone. After only settling down here from your hometown 5 months ago, you were still learning of all the local spots.  

From the looks of it, this bar was one of those. “The Scouts” was an inviting place, decorated with dark greens and wood tones. The walls were littered with many frames of a lot of different people. You imagine it might have been local residents in various locations of the town. All of the wood was worn down, so it was clear this place has been in business for a while. A neon sign hangs above the stage where the live band played, something that resembled blue and white wings. It makes you wonder what the significance is.  

Your thoughts are disturbed as a glass is placed in front of you. Realizing the dryness in your throat, you pick up the glass and take a big swig of the amber liquid. You’re met with a burning sensation, and you gag. This alerts Hange of the unfortunate mistake.  

“Ah I’m sorry my little strawberry!! They do look quite similar though, don’t they?” They switch the glasses quickly and laugh. You notice the very noticeable cup size differences between the two and you stare at her quizzically. “I may have taken a shot while at the bar, sorry.” she adds on. It makes you shake your head, but you grab her hand reassuringly and chuckle.  

‘I’m sorry.’ You sign at Erwin, and he just smiles back.  

“Not a problem. But I have to ask, how was it?” A bushy eyebrow raises at you in amusement.  

You just stick your tongue out and make a gagging gesture at him. You laugh though, not really upset.  

Two apple juices in, the live band ends. Hange and Erwin are very deep in conversation, which you suspect might be about Carly. You can’t really hear what’s being said though. With the absence of music, chatter quickly fills the air. Honestly it was really starting to get to you. So, after tapping on the pair’s shoulders and signing where you were going, you find yourself leaning over the guard rail just outside the bar’s door.  

The sun was already far gone. A crescent moon sits high in the sky and a smatter of stars surrounds it. The cold air felt very welcome on your very flushed face. You exhale a big sigh, which garners a puff of steam. It makes you laugh so you do it again. Then you start to wonder how long you might be able to last out here before getting frostbite when suddenly a body starts leaning against the rail next to you.  

With a start, you whip your head to face the newcomer. Instantly you relax at the sight of Erwin’s friend. He was adorned in a big peacoat and his casual slacks. A tan turtleneck sweater peaks out from the jacket’s collar. His face was flushed as well, no doubt from the cold.  

Levi. 

He wasn’t paying you any mind though, instead his gaze laid upon the sky above, at the stars. You wave at him anyways and offer a small smile. He glances at you with a side eye and returns a curt nod.  

Not one for words. 

So, you both stand there in silence, staring up at the twinkling lights above. It wasn’t uncomfortable in the slightest. Something about his presence radiated a sort of calm, and you were happy to bask in it.  

After a few minutes, he shifts his weight in your direction, so you face him. He’s staring up at you and it makes you swallow hard. His eyes glowed silver from the moonlight. Truly you have never been this fascinated with a person until now.  

“You like the stars.” It wasn’t a question, more like a statement.  

You nod in agreement, smiling to emphasize your love for them. He purses his lips at that. It seemed as if he wanted to say something else to that, but nothing came out. It just makes you frown a bit. You just have more questions that keep piling up. Everything about him just emanated mystery and it made you want to know all about him.  

‘Are you okay?’ You sign to him, exaggerating your frown to show your concern. You’re only met with a look of confusion. You forget that he does not know much if any sign. And you kick yourself for leaving your communication tools at home. To be fair though, this is not where you expected to be tonight.  

You then get an idea to use your phone to type to him but before you even reach into your pocket, you’re interrupted by a sudden blast of warm air as a couple stumbles out of the bar, both in a giggling fit as they cling to each other. They take off down the road, laughing even harder. The brief warm air makes you shiver, reminding you of the cold outside.  

As if thinking the same thing, Levi catches the door before it closes and holds it open for the both of you. You’re suddenly well aware of the very loud singing happening from within and your eyes widen at the familiarity of one of the voices. You and Levi make your way to the voices and are greeted with the sight of Erwin and Hange duetting a Backstreet Boys song.  

What a sight it was. The tall brunette, face flushed and glasses askew, had their arm around Erwin. He his blonde hair was quite tousled, and he looked like he was having the time of his life. They both swayed together as they belted out the lyrics. As if their smiles were contagious, you felt yourself grin. It was kind of cute. So, you pull out your phone and snap a quick picture, sure to show Hange in the morning. It was a good thing too, because the song ends right as you put your phone away in your bag. Levi clicks his tongue and huffs. You glance over at the noise and notice a small upturn to the corner of his scarred mouth. Noticing your gaze, his face vacates itself from any emotion as he stares back ahead.  

“Oi! Eyebrows!” He calls out to his friend. Levi starts making his way to the stage, walking with a slight limp. Yet another question to add onto the pile. “I’m gone for 45 minutes and you’re already singing.”  

“I’m fine! Just a couple drinks in.”  

You all make your way to the table you had laid claim to earlier. You survey the table and count at least 6 more glasses, not counting your two. It was hard to see who drank what.  

‘Are you okay?’ You sign to your sister, concern etched on your face. They just nod lazily and give a thumbs up with both hands. Levi is regarding you with a look of understanding, and it seems he realized that you had asked him outside.  Music starts playing over the speakers again, and people start making their way to the dance floor. Hange squeals and downs the rest of her drink quickly.  

“Erwin let’s go!” She grabs his arm, not waiting for a response. He gives a mock salute to the two of you and follows without question. Levi just clicks his tongue again and heads to the bar to get himself something. So, you plop yourself down on the stool and stare out into the room. Out of nervous habit you start fidgeting with the napkins in front of you. A moment later, Levi’s hobbling over with a tray of drinks. 

“I got the idiots some water, they look like they need it.” He places the glasses down with a thud, including one of his own housing some sort of caramel liquid. Then he’s sliding something over to you and you’re about to protest that you don’t drink but you realize it’s not a glass. It’s a notepad and pen.  

“If you need something, this might come in handy.” is all he says.  

You’re quick to show your appreciation with a bright smile. You also note to yourself that you could have very well have used your phone to communicate but you were not one to disregard someone’s thoughtfulness. It makes something bloom in your chest, warm and comforting.  

Your many years of not having a phone of course meant writing – a lot. Your handwriting evolved plenty with time so that meant it was extremely neat. It had to have been so that the reader would be able to read it without an issue. 

First you write your name, as you realize no one had really said it out loud while at the teashop. Following that you add ‘I think your shop is wonderful, and I really did enjoy the tea you made.’ You also want to jot down the questions from earlier that were still swimming in your mind, but you hold yourself back. You tell yourself maybe later, granted if there would even be a later.   

When angling the paper so he could see it, his eyes flit across the words quickly and you’re given a grunt in acknowledgement. Pulling back the notepad, you bite the inside of your cheek. While it wasn’t awkward being next to him, he sure made it hard to talk to. His cold demeanor gave you the feeling he wasn’t the type to talk about himself, especially with someone he just met. So, asking questions about him or his life was out the window. Likewise, he did not really seem interested in hearing your life story, not like you were planning to spill it anyways for fear of being met with disdain. You had plenty of experiences with that growing up.  

Tapping the pen against your chin, your eyes drift around the bar room. There a multitude of people lingering about, shouting over each other to be heard. A couple sits in a corner, whispering who knows what to each other. Both of their cheeks are flushed and eyes heavy with lust. A handful of people are on the dance floor grinding away, your sister and new friend sticking out like a sore thumb as they dance with reckless abandon. All of this gave you an idea, remembering something you’ve read before many moons ago. You start scrawling on the paper again.  

‘Are you a gambling man, Levi?’ 

You shift the pad back over to him and he glances down again after taking another sip of his spirit. He was holding his glass in a way you’d never seen before and honestly it was a little weird.  

“Tch, hardly. Why do you ask?” He looks hard at you as you scratch something else down.  

‘I propose a game to pass the time. Let’s make some bets about the random people in this room.’ 

He looks at you incredulously. You stand your ground, not averting your gaze even a little. When you don’t back down, he just scoffs and shakes his head at you.  

“I literally could not care less about these people,” he clicks his tongue. “But I suppose there’s not much else to do so I’ll bite.” Knocking back the rest of his drink, he moves around you to lean back against the wall so that he is facing the rest of the crowd. You shift so that you are doing the same. You don’t overlook the proximity to the shorter man, nor the fact that your arms are almost touching. You start to scribble once more.  

‘Winner gets to ask the loser one question.’ As his eyes fall on your words, he seems a little taken aback. Levi seems to think for a moment, like he’s weighing his pros and cons.  

“One non-personal question.” He amends. You both nod in agreement. So, your eyes travel around the room, looking for your first target. It falls on a group not so far away.  

‘I bet that gaggle of young girls over there are here for a bridal party.’

You point in the direction of the said group. Currently they were taking tequila shots, lime and all. All of them sparkled and were dressed up to the nines, save for the silly little hats adorning their heads. And they were having so much fun.  

“No way,” Levi scoffs, “That has to be a 21st birthday. They all look like babies.”  

Suddenly someone comes through a parting in the crowd with a tray of assorted colorful drinks garnished with cute little accessories. They all yell in excitement at the sight. One of the girls raises her glass and starts shouting.  

“To Estelle! May your married life be full of infinite love, happiness, and orgasms!” They all cheer and take big gulps of their drinks, followed by more giggling.  

Levi glances art you, his gray eyes dull in the dim bar light. An eyebrow lifts at you as well.  

“How did you know?” 

You do a sweeping gesture starting from one shoulder down to the opposite hip. He looks back over to the women and conveniently the soon-to-be-bride had faced your direction. She was indeed wearing a white sash sporting the word ‘BRIDE’ in bright pink letters. He huffs as he rolls his eyes, and you smirk at him in return. You press the pad over to him, already equipped with your question.  

Levi scoffs at your question. As promised, it wasn’t very personal. You figured ice breaker like questions were a good start. But his pause made you question if this was a good idea, you didn’t want to run him off or make him uncomfortable. Then he clicks his tongue, and his face softens ever so slightly.  

“My favorite hobby, huh? It would have to be cleaning.” He simply states. 

Cleaning?  

‘Like mopping, dusting, all that jazz?’  

“Yeah, it brings me peace. I like the control. Plus, I can't stand filthy things, people, or places. It’s repugnant.” He scrunches his nose at the last statement. A laugh bubbles up and you can’t help but let it loose. You’re shot with a glare and a sharp tone.  

“Funny?”  

You shake your head no and smile lightly while your hands move adeptly on the pad.  

‘Not funny, just amusing because it’s not something I would have expected. It’s different. If it makes you happy then it is an admirable hobby.’ 

Levi’s looking away from you now. If it wasn’t so dim, you would have seen there was a light dusting of pink color his cheeks and ears. He clears his throat and scans the room for his victim. His eyes land on the couple in the back corner whispering to each other. He notices their not-so-subtle hand movements as they felt each other up. Nodding in their direction, he looks back over to you, leaning close so you can hear.  

“I bet that couple will get up in the next 3 minutes and excuse themselves to somewhere private.” Your eyes travel in that direction, only to look away hastily at such an intimate scene. You’re not able to think of a counter-bet because honestly, you’re thinking the same thing. Your eyes settle back to his face, but he’s already looking back at the couple. If he noticed you staring, he didn’t say. Suddenly his face is filled with a satisfied look, only to be replaced quickly with a look of horror. You follow his gaze again, afraid of what you might see.

Fortunately, it’s nothing risqué, as you catch the tail end of the couple slipping into one of the public, unmarked restrooms. But the thought of their future actions was enough to gross you out. Looking back at Levi, you scrunch your face up in disgust. He nods in understanding.  

“This is why we don’t use public restrooms, especially in a bar.” He pinches the bridge of his nose with his good hand. “When I said somewhere private, I meant like a residence or something. Filthy animals, unbelievable. They better scrub that bathroom down. Maybe I should tell the bartender when they’re done. Maybe I should help clean.” 

His retorts crack you up, your shoulders bouncing from silent laughter. He just stares at you impassively as he runs his fingers through his hair to get it out of his face.  

“Well, it’s not like we should ruin their fun. Anyways I suppose I won. Let’s see... what’s your favorite color?” 

You part your lips, dumbfounded. This was never an easy question, as you found joy in a lot of different colors. You bite your lip and start writing, but after a couple minutes Levi rips the pad from your hands out of impatience.  

salmon 

turquoise? 

canary yellow! 

orange 

dark forest gre- 

He just looks at you in alarm.  

“Just pick one.” he scolds. 

You snatch the pad back and scribble down, ‘It’s not that simple!’  

“It is to me. White, easy.” You just stare right back at him, not believing what you just heard. Out of all the many shades and hues out there, this man decides the color white.  

‘Why?’ 

“It’s clean.” is the only response you get.  

It makes sense, you think. But seriously, this man was so weird. But like you said earlier, it was different and that made it refreshing to you. You start searching for your next bet.  

As if in a scene from a movie you’ve seen a dozen times came to life, your eyes snap to a lone woman sitting at the bar, nursing a drink and playing on her phone. A couple seats down, you spot a few men chatting. One of the men is staring hard at the very oblivious woman. You nudge Levi with your elbow, not unnoticing the slight flinch from your touch. You point to the scene, and he is quick to understand.  

“I bet when he walks over to her, she’ll get up and leave.” He says confidently.  

Trusting your instincts, you scrawl back quickly as you notice the man started making his way towards the woman. Sticking your tongue out at him, you angle the pad to him so he could see.  

‘Absolutely not. She’ll tell him off right away.’  

To both yours and his surprise, not one moment later she throws the rest of her drink contents onto the man’s head. She gathers her belongings, throws a wad of bills on to the bar, then stomps out of the establishment. The rejected man staggers back to his friends, and they applaud him for his supposed gall. This event left you both stunned. There’s a moment of pause where you and Levi just stare at each other before all hell breaks loose as he starts talking and you start scribbling furiously.  

“She walked away, I win.”  

‘She threw that drink on him, that’s practically telling him off. And that happened before any walking off.’  

“That hardly counts, no words were used.” He scoffs and folds his arms across his chest as he stares hard at you. You weren’t sure if the indignation was real or not, but it was evident in his face.   

‘Words are not always needed to convey intent.’ You shoot back at him, shifting your weight to tap your foot defiantly. You would know this of course.  

This makes Levi pause. He opens his mouth to say something but then Erwin and Hange came crashing into the little bubble you two had made. Suddenly the sounds of clinking glasses and mindless chatter came rushing in and you took a step back.  

“Um, I think Hange might have had a little too much tonight.” Erwin says, to which your attention is drawn to a very drunk Hange. They were a blubbering, sobbing mess. Whining about things that ranged from Carly to her work stress and everything in between. Your sister rarely got this drunk, but you imagine the events from earlier might have been her breaking point. This was a sign to get her home.  

You hastily round the table to wrap her arm around you and prop her up. Then after whipping a $20 out of your purse and throwing it on the table in front of the boys, you give them a grateful smile and sign to Erwin.  

‘Thank you both for tonight. She and I had a lot of fun. But I need to get her home before she gets worse.’ As if on cue, they let out a loud wail and start sobbing into your shoulder. You shift your body to hold them closer so that you don’t drop them. Erwin grabs your $20 and shoves it back in your purse before zipping it up. He had left you no time to protest as he places a large hand on your shoulder and stares intensely at you.  

“Please, let me take care of this. Tell them this was an exceptional time. And to please stop by the café again, we owe each a good, sober talk.” His bright blue eyes crinkled in the corners as he smiled at you warmly. “It was a pleasure meeting you too. I hope you join Hange on the café visits as well. I think Levi has warmed up to you just nicely.” He wiggles an eyebrow at his friend. Levi just shoves him back and rolls his eyes.  

“Tch, fuck off. She’s alright, I guess.” He’s staring at you now, not as cold as before. “You owe me an answer next time we meet.”  

You purse your lips at him and shake your head in disagreement. 

‘I totally won that, don’t even think otherwise.’ You jot down lazily on the notepad still on the table. It wasn’t as neat, but you were propping up a whole human, you couldn’t help it.   

“Are you sure you’re safe to get home okay? We can he-” You cut Erwin off with a wave of the hand. Their spot of choice was actually very lucky, as you only live a few minutes away. And to be honest, you needed the cold air. So, you sign a quick goodbye to your new friends and make your way out. 

Walking down the snowy sidewalk, you pat Hange’s head as she grumbles about random things. She opted to walk herself, but you kept your hand in theirs to lead them in the right direction. She only stumbled a few times but overall, you were able to keep a steady pace. You note that before you left, her glass of water had been untouched, so you make a mental reminder to hydrate her before throwing her in bed.  

‘Alcohol was not kind to those in their 30s’ you heard their voice say in the back of your mind.  

As your steps left crunching noises in their wake, you peer up at the moon and glittering stars. A certain raven-haired and silver-eyed man etched in your brain. You wonder how soon it will be before seeing him again.  

‘Levi’ you sign to yourself with a free hand. A smile cemented to your face the whole way home.

☾ Next Chapter: December

[hanasnx]

can you share some of thosr anakin-related-content-you-consumed on ur anakin fixation era cz im fixating on anakin aswell rn and i want to study him!! please, idk where to start 🙇🏻‍♀️

supercut of star wars I - III reddit link with instructions to receive them via google docs

i've seen both tpm and aotc supercuts but i have yet to finish the rots supercut because of it being so long. there are also deleted scenes on youtube that were not included in the supercuts linked here:

star wars episodes I and II extended edition - unused deleted scenes youtube video

revenge of the sith 4 hour supercut - unused deleted scenes youtube video

if you cannot get a hold of the supercuts for some reason, no sweat. the same channel listed in the above links has a bunch of videos on their channel of all "restored deleted scenes" that you can watch individually. of course, that is without the "siege of mandalore" that's included in the rots supercut. but that's just the bits you would see from season 7 of the clone wars spliced in, so you wouldn't be missing anything.

star wars: episode I - the phantom menace

if you cannot get a hold of the supercuts for whatever reason, start here. one of my favorite star wars movies. features young anakin, about nine years old, and how comes to live with the jedi, how he meets padme, and where he comes from.

star wars: episode II - attack of the clones

we follow older anakin, about nineteen years old, where he reunites with padme and they fall in love. the cracks of the dark side's influences are beginning to show.

star wars: clone wars

this is the mini-series released in 2003-2005 to depict anakin's journey throughout the beginning of the clone wars to prepare audiences for star wars: revenge of the sith coming out in 2005. it has since been de-canonized and replaced with the clone series that comes out in 2008. it is still worth the watch. anakin's voice actor is supremely talented and sounds a lot like hayden christensen. albeit he is dramatic, as it is a kid's show, i still very much enjoy his characterization. it's actually pretty funny too, it did get me to laugh a couple times. chapter 24-25 i believe is where anakin undergoes a sort of spiritual awakening, and the ending always makes me cry.

star wars: the clone wars movie

it was honestly boring to me, but i still watched it for much needed context on the show.

star wars: the clone wars

as i’ve said before, i don’t really care for tcw!anakin, but this was still a fun and enjoyable watch. it wasn’t completely worthless to me, i did learn some more things about anakin that applied to hayden’s rendition.

unreleased star wars: the clone wars arc - crystal crisis on utapau (full) youtube video

i didn’t finish it but from what i’ve seen so far it’s pretty funny.

anakin & obi-wan | let my people go youtube video edit

one of my favorite edits to one of my favorite songs from one of my favorite movies. i think about it a lot, especially during the “this was my home.” lyric. hammering in the betrayal of brothers that grew up alongside one another, and if you resonate with that song and movie it provides another layer of context. it’s deliciously painful. when anakin’s side of “you who i called brother,” cuts through and interrupts the melody, impatient to speak about his perspective using ramses’ narrative to do it, it’s acutely accurate to anakin’s character in my eyes.

clone wars: battle of the heroes - a star wars fan animation youtube video

i haven’t seen this yet but i’ve been waiting to enjoy it to its fullest. the creator worked very hard on it for a long time, so it’s worth the link.

star wars episode III: revenge of the sith novel by matthew stover

i have not read this, but i’ve seen hundreds of excerpts over the course of this hyperfixation on tumblr. it’s widely accepted even though it’s decanonized, and offers insight into anakin’s head that you can’t access with just watching the movie. i thoroughly enjoy and reblog the excerpts i come across, but since i’m not a reader i haven’t picked it up to complete it myself.

star wars: episode III - revenge of the sith

the third installment in the prequel series, and where shit goes down. twenty-three year old anakin grapples with his desires overcoming his sense of obligations, warping his own ideals to fit into selfish purposes. you see how he betrays the republic, his wife, his brother, and himself, all for power.

star wars episode III revenge of the sith (xbox) no commentary walkthrough full game [1080p60fps] youtube video

i haven’t gotten to watch this yet but i’d like to soon, i’ve seen bits and pieces and i believe there are alternate endings that prove interesting. if you like gameplay movies i think you should give it a shot, but if not, go ahead and skip this one.

star wars: episode III - revenge of the sith - making the game youtube video

it’s short and sweet. about hayden’s view of the character anakin and how he acts in combat.

star wars: tales of the jedi

s1e5 where we receive insight as to how anakin trains his padawan.

vader: complete canon comic series 1-25 in chronological order youtube video

i loved this so much. so many good moments that i ate the fuck up. we follow vader in his first year of becoming the sith lord, grappling with identity, past, and recognition. we also get insight into the very sensitive time of jedi eradication, i learned a lot. my favorite parts are when vader has to fight without a saber against clones, make his own red saber by retrieving one from a surviving jedi, and the arc that includes jocasta nu.

star wars the force unleashed- full game walkthrough gameplay no commentary youtube video

star wars the force unleashed 2 - full game walkthrough gameplay no commentary youtube video

both of these i've been meaning to watch, but i haven't been in the mood. i figured i'd link them in case you were interested in more gameplay movies.

star wars rebels

i didn't finish this, but i did watch a lot of the vader content and the scarce anakin content. i'll watch anything that mentions him tbh.

star wars jedi: fallen order - full game - no commentary youtube video

i played this game and loved it. the ending is the money shot tbh.

star wars: obi-wan kenobi

this was probably the first sw show i watched after i got back into darth vader in august 2022. reawakened a lot for me, i really enjoyed vader's part in this story. reva is also one of my favorites, and i thought her being a mirror image to anakin in this situation was clever, i thought her backstory was unique and refreshing. but what really shines for me is vader's contribution as both an extension of the emperor and a vessel for his own selfish desires. there are parts where i can see he's more machine than man. there are also some anakin parts as well! which i didn't enjoy as much, funnily enough.

rogue one: a star wars story

i haven't seen this one in years, but i do remember darth vader's appearances being both funny and badass.

star wars: episode IV - a new hope

star wars: episode V - the empire strikes back

it took me a long time to come around on this one. now it's one of my favorites. especially because we start to get the first glimpses within the original trilogy of vader's humanity, and his ability to demonstrate faint loyalty to his blood.

star wars: episode VI - return of the jedi

fave sw movie tbh since childhood. you can't get better than the ending. vader's sacrifice is everything to me.

lego star wars: the skywalker saga

i had played this game back in may 2022 when i visited my sister. she and i used to play lego games together when we were kids, and one of my first video games ever was lego star wars: the video game from 2005 which she introduced me to. it holds a special place in my heart, and i really liked playing skywalker saga even though at this point i hadn't cared about star wars in years. when i got back home i couldn't stop thinking about the saga game so i bought it myself, and then played it so obsessively i didn't do anything else. it got me back in the mood for darth vader so i watched obi-wan kenobi, and one thing leads to another now here i am with a smut blog about anakin skywalker's entire life and his every iteration. i loved the game, i think you should play it even though it's just lego versions of everything, it's still really fun.

star wars: ahsoka

you see him in this and the cinematography is breathtaking at times, but i didn't care for it. i only cared about the glimpses of anakin/vader's appearances even if they didn't contribute anything to the story for me.

anakin skywalker vs palpatine full fight scene (hd) - star wars episode IX [alternative ending] youtube video

this is a fan edit! i think about it a lot even though i haven't seen the sequels.

the life of anakin skywalker: darth vader (star wars) youtube video

i haven't finished this, but from what i've seen it's taught me things even i didn't know. i really appreciated the facts that aren't even on wookiepedia.

any books on it i've only seen the excerpts here on tumblr, i haven't read any because i'm not a big reader but i've seen some great posts that i reblog. so don't sleep on the books/comics

great ask

[strawberryscribblesandwrites]

Dwayne x reader fluff

two ways were staying with the boys in the cave could go, one way is the more chaotic music, junk food, dancing, rowdy jokes and well, feeding which always got messy. the second option was rare having a calm night.

as much as I enjoyed the wild mischievous nature of my boys a calm night was needed now and then, especially when you needed to recharge your social battery and Dwayne was usually the one to notice when your social battery was dead.

that was one of the things I loved about Dwayne he was very observant and caring about those he cares for I suppose this comes with hundreds of years of life.

Dwayne and I sat on one of the run-down couches in the cave my head resting on his toned thighs. the soft sound of music filled the cave, I sighed contently as Dwayne ran his hands through my hair when I suddenly got an idea.

"hey Dwayne," I said sweetly

"yes," he said dragging out the s as he raised an eyebrow in suspicion

"do you know what a phone is" I chuckled as his face morphed from suspicion to amusement

" yes I do," he said matter of factly

" have you seen a modern phone like the one that isn't from the 80s," I asked

"what do you mean sweety," he asked confused

" well I mean it's not like you boys have phones or keep up to date with technology much" he gave me a hum at my explanation "I still don't understand," he said as his eyebrows creased.

"here let me just show you, honey," I said sitting up and kissing him on his jaw as I situated myself next to him as I pulled my phone out of my back pocket and pulled up youtube, from the corner of my eye I could see Dwayne his face was in a state of both confusing and intrigue. I quickly put in a search for funny cat videos.

"here baby I think you would like these" I said as I handed him my phone and snuggled into his side.

I smiled as I watched cats do stupid things "hey baby this is so stupid, its something paul Marko or even laddie would find funny" he chuckled leaning his head down into my neck as I continued giggling "you so stupid" he said affectionately as he kissed my neck.

"I love you too honey," I said slightly turning my head to kiss the crown of his head

"you should show the boys," he said with what sounded like a smile on his face "I'm sure they would enjoy it "

"well what would you enjoy," I asked turning my phone off to look at Dwayne, he stood heading towards a set of draws up before answering

"what ya got there handsome" I questioned "a book," he said dryly with a smile "well no duh, what book," I asked

"well if you shut up and listen you will find out baby," he said as he sat down and patted his thighs so following his instructions I lay my head down on his legs he opened the old book turning the pages with care

his deep soothing voice filled my ears "I love when you read to me bubby" I mumbled causing him to smile as he continued to read.

looking up at him I admired his jaw and the way the muscles moved as he talked sitting back up I kissed his jaw I continued my attack kissing along his jaw and down his neck until I got to his exposed collar bone where I decided to give him a gentle bite

"Baby what are you doing," he said looking down at me from his book with dark eyes and a sweet smile I only offered him a giggle and a shrug, before kissing my way back up his chest and neck until I got to his face where I placed a flurry of kisses on his checks and nose then finally I kissed his lips causing him to let out a low rumbling groan

“You're a little devil” he purred causing a mischievous smile to light up my face.

He pulled me into his chest with a soft sigh before shifting us both to lay down more on the rickety old couch.

“Now your gonna shut up and let me read okay,” he said sternly as he opened the old leather-bound book, despite him being a vampire his skin was warm and comforting the feeling of his warm arms wrapped around me mixed with the soft deep rumble of his chest lulled me to sleep.

[sw33t-d1vine]

I LOVE MY BOYFRIEND.

WILLIAM AFTON x GN!READER

— cw : fluff , reader is bad at baking , silly silly..!!!!

— word count , 607

— a/n : hi guys life is kicking me in the butt . sorry for no uploads 😓 anyway , silly question for u all !! what r some other fandoms or interests r u guys into ? im into Genshin , Identity V and spiderman ^_^ !! its just a silly question , id like to know my followers more !! ALSO , this is inspired by n incident that happened to my friend where she cooked cookies in the fucking microwave

・Enjoy what you read ? come join my discord server to see sneak peaks and chat with me and other friends ! Link in my pinned post :)

— Baking was hard, for some reason.

You didn’t do it often, so it definitely was a lot more complicated than it should’ve been. You had to make sure you followed the instructions right and added just the right amount of each ingredient.

Your boyfriend, William Afton, was out. You didn’t have a reason to really make anything for him, you just wanted to. So, you decided to make some chocolate chip cookies.

It was going smoothly. You added all the ingredients correctly, you made sure the batter was stirred right and now you were shaping them into hearts! It was so cute, surely your boyfriend would love them.

Then, the actual baking process came. You had set each of the little heart dough cookies into the plate. You didn’t need the instructions for this, it was obvious on what to do next.

So, you put the plate in the microwave, set the timer, let them sit and left the kitchen, content with what you finished.

You couldn’t wait for the cookies to be done! You knew William had a sweet tooth, especially for cookies and brownies. It was funny, you wouldn’t expect a man like him to really like sweets all that much, but he truly enjoyed them.

As you continued to think of how much William would love the sweets, you suddenly smelt something burning. You paused, sniffing, and furrowing your eyebrows, before sniffing again. It wasn’t until the fire alarm went off that you realized the microwave was on fire.

It was on FIRE.

Immediately running to get a fire extinguisher, you panicked, silently hoping William wouldn’t come home to a microwave on fire.

You returned, using the extinguisher to put out the fire, and letting out a long sigh. You set the extinguisher down, looking at the microwave.

Just as you were about to grab the burnt cookies out of the microwave, you heard a click from the front door.

William was home now, and he let out a tired sigh. Before he could even speak, he smelt the burnt cookies, and raised an eyebrow, walking over to the kitchen. “Darling.. I’m home.” He peaked his head in.

You stood there awkwardly, giving him a small smile as you held the burnt cookies with the mittens. “..Surprise..?”

William narrowed his eyes at you, watching as you shifted your hold on the plate. His eyes looked down at the cookies first, before trailing off to the microwave. “..What happened..?”

“Uhm-“ You set the plate down on the counter, waving the mitten around to clear the air. “..Well, I was trying to make you cookies, but… that didn’t go as planned.” You looked away, cheeks flushing a bright pink in embarrassment.

William looked at you for a long moment, before letting out a laugh. He walked over, “I appreciate that you tried to make me cookies,” He looked closer at the cookies, “But you don’t put them in the microwave.. Not unless they’re intended to be cooked in it, my dear.”

You let out a small, “oh”, shrugging your shoulders. “..I wanted them to be ready before you got here, so I thought the microwave would be quicker than the oven.” You explained, glancing at the microwave. It would be a miracle if it continued to work..

“Ah, well.” William hums, “Why don’t we cook some together? And this time we use the oven?” He teased, which made you grumble and blush. “..Okay.”

The rest of the day was spent making cookies and cleaning up the mess you made. You learnt your lesson and would make sure to never use the microwave for cookies ever again..

[numberonetacostan]

hai its shrimpy (i announce after disappearing for years)

i love the paco swap au btw !!!!!!! more content please 🙏🙏🙏

also do you think the II-ers got education. probably not right. like maybe certain objects like test tube were automatically created with 83642 IQ but for the most part probably not because mephone4 also kinda....... yknow

imagine if taco couldn't read ok. imagine if she self-taught herself most of her english but she never really learnt how to read properly (not much reading material in the woods LMFAOOO /silly)

imagine taco in s1 realising she can't read and trying very hard to learn but also asking other people like pickle to read something to her is easier so she never got a chance to learn it when others were still around

imagine mepad and microphone finding out (up 2 your interpretation. maybe they ask her to do something with an instruction manual and then she does it wrong and just straight-up breaks down and starts tearing up) and mepad (SHUT UP HE'S NOT DEAD SHUT SHUT SHUT) plus mic could teach her how to read.... she'd maybe be embarrassed but they could tell her it's not her fault

also bonus points if one of them (mic methinks) asks her how she got through s1 without needjng to read and she just says that the others used to read for her

this is SO probably NOT CANON girlie can definitely read at light speeds but i think it'd be so funny for her to not be able to even though she's as smart as she is with all of that survival skills and stuff..... she is a wild feral creature what is reading

Hi Shrimpy!!!!^^ Welcome back!!!!!! And thank you for your submission!!!! :)

Paco swap au will be getting a long post as soon as I get around to it, so probably in the next few days!!! I'm a tad busy tomorrow and hanging out with my partner in 2 days so it might take a bit, but I'll have it ready as soon as I can!!! o7

Nope, none of those guys have ever been to school. Born to play a reality show, and had all the necessary skills to do so. They know 0 history, and the rest of what they know is mostly based on how they were programmed. Contestants like Testy, Cabby, and Taco who were made to be on the smarter end probably do know more than most of the others, but I'd say in general they have a relatively solid foundation of basic knowledge, yeah? Prooooobably not much above like, high school level for math and science stuff, but they can get by on what they do know.

Gah Mepad (he lives in my HEART FOREVER) and Mic would do help her with 0 judgement if she did need to learn something basic like reading. I do tend to think that with her programming there were some... accidental gaps that mean she's missing some pretty commonly known stuff, like how to interact with other people. (<- projecting). White lies aren't how she was made to lie, so it takes an explanation or two for her to get the grey area between lying for personal benefit and brutal honesty.

She is a wild feral creature and even if she could read at lightning speed she'd probably be rusty and need to get used to reading stuff again before she can go back to reading super fast, yeah? I can see her as the type that would be rather excited to read once she gets the chance again. Maybe there are books in purgatory mansion? Or she could read an e-book on Mepad <3.

[theamityelf]

i am at all times asking you for danganronpa yandere content, my hands cupped and held out to you like an orphan child, maybe some mikan perhaps? some yandere mikan for a poor victorian orphan child?

Oooh, thank you! I haven't written a lot of Mikan, so this will be fun practice.

For lack of any instruction to the contrary, I think I want to use a canon character instead of x Reader. Let's see...

----

Most people probably wouldn't think of the overexposed fluorescent lights of a high school clinic as the most romantic lighting, but in this moment, Mikan couldn't imagine how candlelight or fireworks could be better, or could even compare. She wondered if maybe people enjoyed that kind of dim lighting because they really didn't want to see each other. Whereas she wanted to see Akane perfectly, for every spot and scratch and scar, for every shade of color in her eyes. She wondered if Akane maybe liked to see her like this, too.

Well, no, that was a bit much. For as forgiving and wonderful as Akane was, it wasn't safe to imagine she liked seeing Mikan in detail like this. After all, when other people looked at Mikan's body, Akane didn't look very long at all. It was clear that she didn't like Mikan's appearance, even when her skirt was askew or her legs were open.

Even if Akane often took the time to say hi to her, and even defend her from bullies...It was dangerous to let herself reach the conclusion that anyone liked her. If she let herself think that, she might get too reckless and ruin everything!

Mikan was just glad she sometimes had the opportunity to take care of Akane like this.

"Man, this sucks," Akane sighed.

"I-It does?" Mikan said, almost dropping a whole roll of bandages, at the feedback. Was Akane saying that she was doing a bad job, or just that she was in pain? If she was in pain, would she accept a few heavy drugs to help? Well. In Mikan's professional experience, the real question was how much pain Akane would have to be in to accept the heavy drugs. Or how likely she was to notice, if she was given something she hadn't asked for.

Akane could be very forgiving. So ready to trust Mikan's expertise, even over her own sense...

"I've just never made a mistake like that before," Akane griped. "Even when I was first learnin', I never lost my footing that bad. I don't know how it even happened."

Mikan smiled sympathetically, laying a tentative hand on Akane's thigh, just above where she'd just tied off the bandage around her knee. Akane forgave the touch. In fact, she didn't seem bothered by it at all. "I-I'm sorry you couldn't go to the festival with the others, but...I'm glad to take care of you as long as you need it."

When Akane didn't say that she was fine or that she didn't need any help, Mikan's smile brightened even more. She couldn't help it. Clearly, breaking into Akane's shoe locker had paid off.

At first, it had seemed like cruel irony, that she should fall so deeply in love with someone who never thought she needed medical care, but now she knew better.

Akane would only accept help when she really, really needed it, and that was Mikan's favorite kind of help to give.

As an added bonus, Akane was never suspicious when her shoes were unusually slippery or sticky, or when something uncomfortable found its way under her insoles, not to be noticed until she was running or jumping and it poked the bottom of her foot.

They were perfect for each other.

"Hey, you haven't been wearin' gloves," Akane noted, as Mikan smeared ointment on a nasty scrape on the shin opposite her broken knee. Her blood and the greasy ointment stained Mikan's fingertips wonderfully. "Did they change the doctor rules or somethin'?"

Mikan giggled. Another extra-special thing about Akane was that she asked good questions in funny ways. "I told you, I'm not a doctor. I'm a nurse. How does that feel?" she added, as she moved on down to Akane's sprained ankle.

"It hurts," Akane answered, not in the broken, defeated voice she'd used when Mikan had started on her knee– which had been more amazing than she'd imagined in any of her most stimulating 'Help me, Mikan!' dreams; she'd never heard Akane whine like that before! –but in a tone of recovered composure that made Mikan pout her lips a little.

But that was okay! Akane was just as cute when she was trying to be tough. Her tough side was what told bullies to "lay off Mikan," and just thinking about that made Mikan's heart palpitate.

She just needed to help Akane stop bringing her tough side into the clinic. (It was like bringing one's prudish side into the bedroom!)

"Oh, i-it's just as I thought," Mikan said nervously, fidgeting with her fingers. The sight of Akane's blood on them and the memory of how Akane had spoken her name while she'd set her knee gave her some peace about what she was about to do, but the maelstrom of eager anticipation and horrible guilt turned her stomach. She framed Akane's sprained ankle with her hands. "It's broken."

"Really? My ankle too?" Akane bemoaned.

"Y-Yes, but...that's actually...not the worst part." Mikan flinched, fighting back the tide of anxieties telling her that in a school of Ultimates, someone was bound to find out and everyone would be so mad at her! "The p-problem is, i-it already started to set itself unevenly. In order for it to heal correctly, I..." Her gaze, which had been fixed on the sprained ankle, darted up to Akane's face. Akane was listening, with no sign of suspicion or distrust. Accepting every word Mikan said. "I-I'll have to...re-break it. And set it correctly."

Mikan was prepared to fall to the floor and beg for forgiveness, but Akane just said, "You gotta break it again? Or it won't heal right?"

Blushing, Mikan could only nod.

"Okay," Akane said. "Let's hurry up and do it, okay?"

The relief and delight that flooded Mikan in that moment could have sent her to her knees for a whole different reason, but she fought back a smile and nodded her head quickly.

Oh, she could barely breathe.

She went to wash her hands first. To violate a patient's trust like this, to feel such pleasure in doing it...It felt like she was losing a kind of virginity she hadn't even conceived of before. Her first malpractice, and she was getting to share it with her very favorite person! "Re-breaking" a bone that wasn't broken in the first place, all so she could make Akane need her a little more. She could barely hold herself back from giggling again.

Mikan returned to the examination table where Akane was waiting. Where Akane was holding an ice pack to the scrape on her head. (No injury to her skull or brain! Mikan had realized earlier how badly things could have gone. She would be leaving Akane's shoes alone, from now on.)

When she saw Mikan coming, Akane nodded to show that she was ready, and gritted her teeth.

Mikan knew she didn't look strong. It always made her smile, that Akane knew she was anyway.

She took Akane's swollen ankle in hand. Trailed her fingers over it for a second. The sprain was already her handiwork, in a way. But it wasn't something she'd done as a nurse, in the clinic, and it wasn't something she'd done with her own two hands.

There was a band-aid on the bottom of Akane's foot. Mikan could have kissed it.

She took a deep breath, steeled her nerve, and broke the ankle.

At Akane's yell of pain, she actually did fall to the floor.

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry! Please forgive me!" she squeaked out, cowering on the tiles for several seconds before she was able to get past the panic response and stand back up.

Akane had one arm thrown over her eyes, and she was taking deep breaths.

"I-I'm sorry," Mikan babbled frantically. "I promise I'll fix it. I promise I'll fix it!" And it wasn't like Mikan was a sadist or anything. It didn't make her happy that Akane was hurt. The sight of the injury did excite her a little, as she looked to the roll of bandages she would use on it first, but Akane was so brave and kind, and outside of their special clinic time, she wanted Akane to be as happy as she made her.

"S'alright," Akane finally said, lowering her arm and wiping tears from her eyes. "It's not your fault you had to do it."

Mikan's vision blurred immediately, as tears streaked down her face. She was forgiven. Her first malpractice was forgiven. She wasn't even conscious of her movements before she found she'd wrapped her arms around Akane's torso and buried her face in her neck. "Thank you for forgiving me! Thank you, thank you-!"

"Whoa, hey." Akane stroked her hair, as if she weren't the painfully-injured one. "Man, you're really shaken up, huh?"

Mikan sniffled and eventually straightened up. "I-I'm sorry..."

"It's fine. You don't gotta be sorry about everything, ya know?"

A giggle bubbled out of Mikan's gross, tear-stained face. "Y-You're...so nice to me," she said. "I-I promise, I'll make you feel all better, s-so please never hate me, okay? I'll take care of you, I'll help you with everything you need, even if you need help taking a bath or using the bathroom, I don't mind! You can use me as a footrest, or as a crutch, and I promise I'll never, ever stop helping. So please don't hate me, okay?"

"Okay, jeez!" Akane half-laughed, with a bewildered look. "Why would I hate you? You're, like, one of the nicest people I know."

...Mikan was in love, and she was running out of lines she was certain she wouldn't cross to keep Akane around her.

[bathroomtrapped]

saw ask. so let's say hypothetically (not really) all the apprentices are autistic (they are) headcanon them

saw ask ‼️‼️ i completely agree unironically and i keep that in mind when i consume/write/draw saw content. jigsaw apprentices? more like PDA autistics anonymous jfc

i (shamefully) am not an amanda-guy and dont have pretty much any headcanons about her overall so sorry about that but ill do some bullet points for the apprentices bc ive thought TOO MUCH abt this

adam

1. the most obvious PDA manifestation, though i think its strong in mark and lawrence for sure, adam just doesnt mask his. he pretty much built his life around maximizing free will and full control over his schedule

2. constantly reducing sensory input with music and being baked. his apartment is dead silent and dark 24/7 tho

3. honestly i think adam has shocking high levels of empathy. most people in his life wouldnt peg him as someone who would struggle with that but i think its what sets him apart from nearly every saw character. hes so isolated but desperate to understand and connect with other people, even if hes in the shadows

4. studies high class targets and their mannerisms. it helped him function during a few job interviews

5. hates eating, hates effort so pretty much eats like shit. very few specific, cheap, prepackaged meals that he can handle. anything that isnt a time commitment to prepare and eat

6. talks too much to overcompensate (not sure if people are able to understand what hes getting at and ends up rambling)

lawrence

1. i hc him as a narc as well which (as you can imagine) combined with PDA makes instruction/criticism/responsibility stressful so hes constantly overloaded

2. same as above, combined with asd i think its the biggest reason he has that canonical low empathy (similar to mark)

3. can only eat incredibly plain and simple foods. rice, bread, vegetables without butters/oils etc. very picky

4. very little auditory sensory issues after so many years in a hospital and needs noise in order to function (including sleep)

5. started wearing pajamas under his suits after a few years in residency because hes already tired 24/7, the terrible fabric on top of that just makes him insane

6. struggled through med school because lectures are hard to interpret and hes more of a visual learner

7. so much eye contact

8. remember that dog picture in his wallet we see for like 5 seconds? i cant imagine someone like him enjoying the texture or sporadic energy of a dog and makes it sleep in dianas room at night. its not allowed in the office and he meticulously cleans all of the dog hair the second he sees any

9. absolutely allergic to change in every way

mark

1. low empathy as i mentioned before

2. he wears a lot loose fitting suits in canon which i think are for sensory reasons. he clearly prioritizes comfort with those (interesting) track pants?

3. i have joked with my mutuals about his off-putting, autistic ass stare countless times

4. terrible liar because he has less control over his facial expressions and mannerisms. he ends up making too much eye contact and thinks that brutal honesty is a good idea. he has an almost nonexistent filter

5. he reminds me of that brand of autism that a lot of patriarchs have, the kind that goes unnoticed bc theyre the head of the household. meat and potatoes his entire life, strange rituals and routines everyone has to get used to

6. extremely black and white sense of justice and a poor understanding of hierarchal authority. he doesnt get why people are above or below other people and struggles with those concepts

7. everyone in the precinct knows not to joke with mark because it will always fall flat and have to be explained. mark has rly funny but dry and blunt humor himself

[aha-chuu]

Kaveh's Odd Desert Connections

Kaveh... Is weird. I hadn't thought that much about it until I very recently caught up with the Dirge of Bilqis quest (the new desert one with Jeht) and watched Ashikai's latest theory video. This post is just meant to gather my thoughts and share what I've learned.

So first what sent me down this rabbit hole was finding this during the desert quest:

In case you missed it in that wall of text, this record is addressed to "Mehrak". We know due to leaks that Kaveh's very cute briefcase is called Mehrak also.

Unfortunately,,, desert lore is like that and is pretty hard to untangle. These records recount the fall of Gurabad and the story of Liloupar - basically, they tell a story of a ruined civilisation from thousands of years in the past. Knowing the actual contents of them isn't really necessary to follow this post, because Mehrak (and by extension Kaveh) is only namedropped this one time out of all the records.

But we can theorise a lot just from this single mention. To me, there are two possible explanations for why "Mehrak" comes up in these records whilst also being Kaveh's present day briefcase. The first is mildly boring but kind of funny: there is no true connection between Kaveh's Mehrak and the Mehrak mentioned, Kaveh simply named his cute techno briefcase after a historical figure because he thought it would be cool. Kaveh is smart and does work on projects in the desert, so it is not outside the realm of possibility that he might learn of Mehrak and use the name. It makes him look a whole lot more nerdy, which I find amusing.

The second possible explanation (and pls do provide your thoughts if you have any other ideas) was provided to me by a redditer (PinkPrimrose05). Their theory is that Mehrak is in a similar situation to Ferigees, who I will remind you is the Jinni near the end of the Dirge of Bilqis questline. They were a person at a certain point in history, but has since been trapped in a mechanical construct. They cannot die until we release them.

(I apologise for the poor quality, Ferigees is inside that yellow mechanism.)

This has many more implications, since (if this is the case) Mehrak's current form does not really match the other ancient desert technology. Well, perhaps it has some similar patterning, but it definitely looks significantly more modern than other technology from that time -

(I could not for the life of me find a good model image for this, so sorry Kaveh's arm is in the way.)

Perhaps I should have mentioned this earlier - we know from leaks that Mehrak has some level of sentience, in that it has expressions (little pixelated anime eye reactions) and responds to Kaveh's instructions without necessitating verbal or physical inputs. This makes the Jinni idea seem more likely, since they also have sentience.

Okay, so maybe the briefcase has a rich history from the time of King Deshret. So what? Kaveh probably found it in the desert and repurposed it for his own needs - perhaps due to errosion Mehrak has no memory of its past life. Since the technology does not quite match, or at least not totally, perhaps Kaveh created the briefcase around Mehrak (as well as an architect he is also a student from the technology darshan, after all). Or maybe he just made additions. What does it even matter aside from being an interesting tidbit?

Well, then I watched Ashikai's latest video: https://youtu.be/h5rNMYwWjfA. It's not necessary watching to understand what I'm about to say, so I'll summarise some of her thoughts very broadly: she brings up the idea that rather than Alhaitham being the Deshret parallel as we all thought, it's instead Kaveh. If you would like to hear all her thoughts as to why that could be, I recommend watching the video.

This does not mean that Kaveh IS Deshret, or even that it's a reincarnation situation. Just that he could be a parallel, or have more connections/knowledge than we might realise. Kaveh is an interesting case from a meta perspective also, since he has had a strange amount of unnecessary story presence for an unreleased four star. He is in the archon quest and Alhaitham's story quest and in neither is his presence at all justified by narrative - Alhaitham's quest could easily end fifteen minutes earlier, and Kaveh adds literally nothing to the archon quest aside from some nice levity. Some lore relevant significance might explain this presence past just "oh, well Hoyo wanted fanservice".

Through the lens that their is some sort of Deshret -> Kaveh connection happening (and I say this so so loosely), his connection with Mehrak might have a more sinister implication. Deshret allowed, through his own ignorance, the Jinni he intended to protect on behalf of the Goddess of Flowers to be enslaved. He also lied about the Goddess' death to the Jinni, and it is largely due to their contract with him that their entire civilisation fell apart. An important note about Ferigees and Liloupar is that both crave an existence outside of their prisons - Ferigees purposefully trapped themself inside the mechanism but found the experience torturous, and Liloupar returns to Gurabad. If Mehrak is another trapped Jinni, Kaveh might be accidentally mistreating it.

However, I like the idea that Mehrak and Kaveh are friends much better. Its expressions are often positive ones, so even if it's forced to listen to Kaveh because he has its name, it doesn't seem too upset about it. Also, another part of Ashikai's video posits that Liloupar so quickly accepts the traveller because they have resemblance to Deshret (a whole other rabbit hole, watch the video if you want to know). In this same thread, Ashikai brings up that Kaveh looks very similar to the traveller, so I think that perhaps Mehrak (either knowingly or not) connects Kaveh to its previous master, which could explain why it listens to him so well.

Overall, I find this connection very intriguing and I'm excited to learn more. There is definitely something there, but whether or not it will be imprtant I do not know.

[braveclementine]

Chapter 10

Warnings: None. However, future chapters will contain sexual content so readers that are under the age of 18 may have to skip those chapters (However they are very few so those under the age of 18 can still read a majority of this book. However please keep note of the warnings).

Copyright: I do not own any Wizarding World characters that J.K. Rowling wrote. I do however own Elizabeth Kane (main character) and Trang Nyguen (best friend). There should be no use of these two names without my permission. I also do not condone any copying of this.

💙💙💙💙

𝕸𝖞 𝖘𝖙𝖔𝖒𝖆𝖈𝖍 𝖜𝖆𝖘 twisting and turning at dinner. Snape had been. . . well I didn't really know what emotion had played out on his face. He'd kind've frozen, and then of course, I'd said there was nothing we could do about it if it was already hoodwinked and he turned kind've purple. Perhaps it was a medical condition. Shock could do that to people. Or maybe he just cared about me. . . no, I'm sure that wasn't the reason. Shock, definitely shock.

The other students were excited, talking about the possible house champions. I mean, if Cedric did get it and I was the second, well it was a double Hufflepuff win which would be nice. I wondered who the others were and why I had seen only my name coming out of the goblet. It was a bit funny, I'd never really seen a vision where I was involved. I only assumed that was because I saw the visions from my point of view.

The Halloween feast was just as good as yesterdays, but not as many people seemed to have enjoyed it. Maybe because two feasts in a row is not as good as one feast every couple of months. The Bulgarians seemed to enjoy themselves though. A few boys were sitting with Krum and I today. I didn't speak much, mostly listening to everything they had to say. Some of the stuff they talked about was fascinating enough that I momentarily forgot about the Cup.

Ron had asked me to get a signed autograph from Krum but I figured he could get it himself if he really, really wanted it.

When Dumbledore stood up, the Great Hall got silent very quickly. I looked up at the teachers table. Madam Maxime and Karkaroff were both tense. Karkaroff's eyes met mine- or maybe they were looking at the students behind me, I wasn't sure. Ludo looked extremely excited and was winking at various students in the crowd though I noticed he particularly avoided the Gryffindor table. Mr. Crouch had a stoic face on an looked utterly bored. I met Snape's eyes. I held them for a second before looking away. He looked how I felt- sick.

"Well, the goblet is almost ready to make its decision. I estimate that it requires one more minute. Now, when the champions' names are called," and here Dumbledore's eyes briefly flickered over to mine. So Snape had told him- good, "I would ask them please to come up to the top of the Hall, walk along the staff table, and go through into the next chamber where they will be receiving their first instructions." Dumbledore motioned to a door behind the staff table.

He took out his wand and waved it. All the candles that floated in the air were extinguished and so were the flames in the lanterns on the walls. Only the candles in the pumpkins stayed lit. The Goblet of Fire was almost painful to look at- the blue white flames were extremely bright. My stomach grew even more nervous and I thought that I might just throw up.

I counted down the seconds in my head and when I reached 0, the flames inside the goblet turned red. Sparks began to fly from it and a tongue of flame shot into the air, a piece of parchment fluttered out of it. The whole room gasped but my mouth wouldn't open. I think it was glued shut. Despite being fairly certain my name would come out last- my stomach turned.

"The Champion for Durmstrang will be Viktor Krum!" Dumbledore read. The Bulgarians cheered and I turned and looked at him and said, "Congratulations." with as big of a smile as I could manage. He smiled back and got up and slouched to the door that Dumbledore had indicated. Everyone could hear Karkaroff shouting, "Bravo Viktor! Knew you had it in you!"

The clapping and chatting died down and everyone's focus was on the Goblet once again. It turned red and shot up another flame and a second piece of parchment- a frilly thing, all folded up like a circular fan- came down and Dumbledore reached up and grabbed it.

"The champion for Beauxbatons is Fleur Delacour!" Dumbledore announced. She didn't get as much applause from her own group. In fact, many of the girls burst into tears except those from Ombrelune who stared stoically ahead. Fleur Delacour was a girl who looked like a Veela. Her long silvery hair was nearly as long as mine, all the way down to her butt, which she shook as she walked up the aisle between Hufflepuff and Ravenclaw.

When she went through the door, everyone stopped cheering immediately. The excitement could be tasted in the air and I wished that I could enjoy it. A third parchment slip shot up into the air and Dumbledore shot his hand up to grab it. A pause and then, "The Hogwarts Champion, is Cedric Diggory."

I managed to forget about the fourth slip as I joined in cheering for Cedric with everyone else. I jumped to my feet with the others, screaming. The only slight difference between my screams and the others screams were they were happy, I sounded a bit panicked. Cedric grinned at me as he passed by and headed off toward the chamber behind the teacher's table.

"Excellent!" Dumbledore shouted, trying to keep things normal though his eyes flickered to me once again. I had already sat back down, staring at the table, trying not to be sick. Could I be wrong? I'd been wrong about other things before. . . the polecat, for instance. . . and Hermione's badges. . . but wrong about something this big? I put a hand over my mouth, leaning on my elbow. I was going to be sick. . . I was going to be horribly sick.

"Well, we now have our three champions. I am sure I can count upon all of you, including the remaining students from Beauxbatons and Durmstrang, to give your champions every ounce of support you can muster. By cheering your champion on, you will contribute-" And then he stopped talking as the goblet's fire turned red again, sending up another piece of parchment. The whole room gasped.

Dumbledore reached up and grabbed it, looking at me again. I found it difficult to swallow. He opened his mouth to read- what I supposed was my name- and then closed it, frowning. I felt hope come. Was there no name on it? That was the best case scenario. I found I was half-risen from my seat and then he said, "Harry Potter."

I sat back down heavily, stunned. I had been wrong again? My hands trembled and I placed them on the table, trying to take deep breaths to calm myself. What was happening? Were my visions slipping? Why was I seeing things only halfway? What was wrong with me!?

Professor McGonagall had gotten to her feet to speak to Professor Dumbledore. I glanced over at the Gryffindor table and saw Harry was saying something to Hermione and Ron. But his words didn't seem to register with them.

"Harry Potter! Harry! Up here, if you please!"

Hermione pushed Harry. Harry got to his feet, walking slowly up between the Gryffindor and Ravenclaw tables. He reached Dumbledore who, unsmiling, said, "Through the door, Harry." He looked at me again.

Harry went through the door and then I got up, and sprinted to the top of the stairs. Professor McGonagall made to move as though to stop me but Dumbledore touched her arm and I went past them. People started to murmur and I sprinted down the corridor.

Harry was standing to the side while Cedric, Krum, and Fleur all stood in front of the fireplace, looking at him.

"What is it? Do zey want us back in ze Hall?" Fleur was asking.

"No." I said as Harry just shook his head. Harry looked at me. "Elizabeth, what's happening?" He asked me in a strange voice.

"I don't know." I said, panicking. "I didn't foresee it."

Cedric had turned at the sound of my voice but didn't ask anything as Ludo Bagman came into the room.

"Extraordinary! Absolutely Extraordinary! Gentlemen. . . lady, may I introduce- incredibly though it may seem- the fourth Triwizard champion?" Bagman said, having taken Harry's arm, and led him to the fireplace. Viktor Krum straightened up at these words, his face darkening. Cedric looked from Bagman, to Harry, to me, trying to find something out. Fleur however, tossed her hair and said, "Oh, vairy funny joke, Meester Bagman."

"Joke? No, no, not at all! Harry's name just came out of the Goblet of Fire!" Ludo said and he sounded positively joyful about it. I thought I might be sick again and Harry looked the same way.

"But evidently zair 'as been a mistake, 'E cannot compete. 'E is too young."

"Well. . . it is amazing. But as you know, the age restriction was only imposed this year as an extra safety measure. And as his name's come out of the goblet. . . I mean, I don't think there can be any ducking out at this stage. . . It's down in the rules, you're obliged. . . Harry will just have to do the best he-"

The door opened again and Harry and I turned to look to see who was coming. It was Dumbledore followed by Mr. Crouch, Karkaroff, Madam Maxime, McGonagall and Snape.

"Madam Maxime!" Fleur said at once. "Zey are saying zat zis little boy is to compete also!"

Through my fear, confusion, and shame I snorted in annoyance. Little boy? Would I have been little girl? My stomach did another turn and I sat down and put my head on my knees before I passed out. I really shouldn't have been taking this so hard, but contestants had died in the past. Part of me wondered if I was glad it wasn't me, or if I wished it was me so that it wouldn't be Harry. Strange though- I was so excited for Cedric.

"What is ze meaning of zis, Dumbly-dorr." She said impatiently.

"I'd rather like to know that myself, Dumbledore." I heard Karkaroff saying. He sounded close by to me. "Two Hogwarts champions? I don't remember anyone telling me the host school is allowed two champions- or have I not read the rules carefully enough?" He gave a short laugh.

"But Harry's not competing under Hogwarts." I managed to say, looking up. "It's impossible for the Goblet to pick two from any one place. Whoever put Harry's name in the Goblet put him down under a different school."

Everyone was silent for a moment and then Karkaroff said, "That as it may be, we were under the impression that the Age Line was to keep out younger contestants, Dumbledore. Otherwise, we would, of course, have brought along a wider selection of candidates from our own schools."

"It's not one's fault but Potters, Karkaroff. Don't go blaming Dumbledore for Potter's determination to break rules. He has been crossing lines ever since he arrived here-" Snape said softly, his black eyes alight with mischief. I glared at him.

"Thank you Severus." Dumbledore said firmly and it was hard not to grin. Professor Dumbledore looked from me, to Harry and asked very calmly, "Did you put your name into the Goblet of Fire, Harry?" he asked.

'No." Harry said.

"Did you ask an older student to put it into the Goblet of fire for you?"

"No." Harry said again.

"Ah, but of course 'e is lying!" Madam Maxime announced.

"No he isn't." I snapped.

"I don't know how you would know that." Karkaroff asked, looking at me sharply. "Unless you've been with him every moment of the day?"

I blushed. I certainly wasn't going to tell the foreigners about my vi-

"Oh, but of course!" Bagman said excitedly. He was so excited I was surprised when he didn't clap his hands together with joy. "You would've seen it through your visions if Harry had put his name in the cup."

I closed my eyes. Lovely- now they knew. "Right." I said bitterly. "And I didn't."

Madam Maxime didn't seem to care about my visions, but Karkaroff was giving me a calculated look now. Lovely. I looked over at the other Professors and saw that both Snape and Dumbledore were giving Karkaroff a guarded look now.

"Dumbly-dorr must 'ave made a mistake wiz ze line." Madam Maxime was saying.

"It is possible, of course." Dumbledore said mildly, looking away from Karkaroff who was still looking at me.

"Dumbledore, you know perfectly well you did not make a mistake! Really, what nonsense! Harry could not have crossed the line himself, and as Professor Dumbledore believes that he did not persuade an older student to do it for him, I'm sure that should be good enough for everybody else!" Professor McGonagall exclaimed, throwing a nasty look at Professor Snape.

"Well he didn't put it in." I muttered, but quietly because no one seemed to be listening to my opinions anyways. I was peering into the future again, trying to see what I'd missed the first time. It was strange. . . the names were coming so easily now. . . there was Harry's name on the slip of paper. . .why had I seen something different before?

"Mr. Crouch. . . Mr. Bagman." Karkaroff said slowly. "You are our-er- objective judges. Surely you will agree that this is most irregular?"

Bagman was wiping his face with a handkerchief, looking the most excited out of anyone in this room. I licked my lips and stood up. I had a mind to leave but Dumbledore said softly, "Miss Kane. . ." I stood next to Harry instead, glaring at the floor.

Mr. Crouch spoke curtly. "We must follow the rules, and the rules state clearly that those people whose names come out of the Goblet of Fire are bound to compete in the tournament."

He looked over at me and we kept eye contact while a majority of the rest of the conversation took place.

"Well, Barty knows the rule book back to front." Bagman said as though that was the end of the discussion.

Had Voldemort already visited his house? Had the visit not happened? I didn't really know any of the details- they were hazy. What was he thinking about, looking at me. Still, neither of us looked away from each other.

"I insist upon resubmitting the names of the rest of my students." His stupid smile was gone. "You will set up the Goblet of Fire once more, and we will continue adding names until each school has two champions. It's only fair, Dumbledore."

I scoffed and rolled my eyes but didn't say anything.

"But Karkaroff, it doesn't work like that. The Goblet of Fire's just gone out- it won't reignite until the start of the next tournament-"

"-In which Durmstrang will most certainly not be competing! After all our meeting and negotiations and compromises, I little expected something of this nature to occur! I have half a mind to leave now!"

"Empty threat, Karkaroff. They've all got to compete. Binding magical contract, like Dumbledore said. Convenient, eh?" Uncle Moody said, having just entered the room.

Staring into Barty Crouch's eyes was like having a silent conversation. It felt like he was trying to tell me something and I wasn't grasping it. But now, at Moody's entrance, we held eyes for another second and then he looked away, stepping back into the shadows again. I looked at where Uncle Moody had just walked in.

"Convenient? I'm afraid I don't understand you, Moody." Karkaroff said in fake disdain.

"Don't you? It's very simple, Karkaroff. Someone put Potter's name in that goblet knowing he'd have to compete if it came out."

"Evidently, someone 'oo whished to give 'Ogwarts two bites of ze apple!" Madam Maxime cried out.

"I quite agree, Madam Maxime." Karkaroff said, bowing to her. "I shall be lodging complaints with the Ministry of Magic and the International Confederation of Wizards-"

"If anyone's got reason to complain, it's Potter. But. . . funny thing. . . I don't hear him saying a word. . ." Moody growled at Karkaroff.

"Why should 'e complain? 'E 'as ze chance to compete 'asn't 'e? We 'ave all been 'oping to be chosen for weeks and weeks! Ze honor for our schools! A thousand Galleons in prize money- zis is a chance many would die for!"

"Maybe someone's hoping Potter is going to die for it." Moody said with a growl.

There was silence, a tense one, and then I gasped. Everyone's eyes shot to me and Professor McGonagall said, "Miss Kane, perhaps you should sit down before you pass out."

I did feel horrible, realizing what I'd just realized. "I think I'm going to be sick." I muttered and I ran from the room. I sprinted to the bathroom, the farthest from the Great Hall as I could get, and went inside, locking myself in a stall.

Of course! Hadn't Voldemort said that Bertha Jorkins had given him good information? Being in the ministry meant that she would've known about the Tournament. But how had he gotten here? I supposed it was possible that Pettigrew could have come in rat form. . . but Voldemort didn't trust him enough to leave by himself. . . nor was Voldemort in the position to be alone. Voldemort also had said he needed another servant. Who was it? Karkaroff? He was the only possible explanation. . . maybe Madam Maxime? I highly doubted it.

Thinking of how Voldemort had killed Bertha Jorkins and now Harry might die made me lurch over the toilet and throw up. I'd lost my parents. I couldn't lose Harry too. And with my visions being unreliable, how was I to keep him from dying?

"Miss Kane?" Professor McGonagall's voice rang out through the bathroom some minutes later. "Are you in here?"

"Yeah." I croaked. I wiped my mouth with the back of my hand.

"Professor Dumbledore wants to talk to you." She said, sounding sympathetic.

"Sure." I muttered. I waited a few more seconds to make sure I wasn't going to throw up and then got up, flushed, and left the bathroom with her.

"Are you alright?" She asked, concerned.

I nearly nodded yes and then shook my head. "Harry's in danger. I hope Dumbledore doesn't let him compete."

She didn't answer and I knew she didn't want to be the one to tell me that he had to compete. I knew it already, but still. . .

Dumbledore was waiting in his office with Uncle Moody standing on the right side of the room, leaning on his cane. Snape was on the left side of the room, standing erect, with crossed arms. Professor McGonagall stayed near me, though she left me a little room.

"Are you feeling better Miss Kane?" Dumbledore asked kindly. He was standing behind his desk, looking preoccupied.

"Not really." I said weakly. "But I know I owe an explanation."

"Perhaps you could explain what upset you so greatly?" Dumbledore said, peering over his half-moon glasses.

I nodded and told him about the dream I had over the summer. I included every detail possible from how the room looked, to who was in the room, and every word that was said. I had thought about it so much, I had memorized every detail. About their mentioning the Quidditch World Cup, Wormtail offering to use a different wizard or witch, Voldemort's instance on using Harry, Bertha Jorkins, Voldemort's need for another helper. . . but I paused about them mentioning me.

Dumbledore seemed to notice my hesitancy. "Go on. Every detail is important."

So I reluctantly told him what was said about me. Snape's hands balled up into fists when I got to the part of Voldemort wanting to use me for my visions. McGonagall had her mouth over her hand. Uncle Moody leaned forward on his walking stick, something foreign behind his eyes. And then I finished up with the Muggle man coming into the room and Voldemort killing him.

"Why haven't you told the Ministry about Bertha Jorkins?" Snape asked quickly.

I rubbed my head in frustration. "Because this was a dream." I emphasized. "This wasn't a vision. Besides, Fudge wouldn't believe me last year about Sirius Black, so why would he believe me about Voldemort rising again using Peter Pettigrew- who Fudge believes to be dead? And besides," I added on hotly. "My visions haven't been entirely reliable this year, have they? Who can say if the dream even took place?"

"What was the Muggle man's name?" Dumbledore asked curiously.

I racked my brain for that information. "I don't think it was ever said."

Dumbledore rummaged in his desk for a moment and tossed me a newspaper and said, "Was that him?"

I read the headline: Frank Bryce found Murdered in the Old Riddle House

Riddle house. I snorted. That was hilarious. There was a picture of the man and I recognized him immediately. I tossed the newspaper back to him, "That's him, yes."

Dumbledore nodded, "I thought so."

"You have a lot more faith in my visions than I do." I snapped. Then I sucked in air because I shouldn't be mad at Dumbledore. It wasn't his fault that my visions were wacked.

Dumbledore looked at me in mild surprise, "You've always been right before."

"Exactly!" I said, exasperated. "And I've never slipped up more in my entire life! I'm foreseeing things and they aren't happening! There's something wrong with me and I don't think you should be relying on me until I figure out why I'm all messed up!"

"Your visions don't define you." Professor McGonagall said sharply.

"Maybe not." I vented. "but they're just about the only reason I ever end up here anyways so when I don't have anything to share, I'm pretty useless."

Snape's face was a strange shade of red. I wasn't sure what he was mad about, but I didn't really want to find out.

"I've known you for a long time, before I knew about your visions." Uncle Moody said, leaning on his walking stick. "Even as a kid, your insight's always been good. I trust that."

I blushed slightly, a bit pleased, but kept my face stoic. "Can I go?" I muttered.

"Of course. I'm sure Mr. Diggory is looking for you to celebrate." Dumbledore said, a bit bemused. "Oh, one last thing."

"Yes?" I asked, trying not to sound exasperated.

"Is there something about Barty Crouch that you wish to tell me about?" Dumbledore asked.

I was so glad I didn't blush and I said, "Nothing at all."

Dumbledore nodded once and then said, "You may go."

I left without looking at anyone and hurried from the room. But I couldn't bring myself to go to the Hufflepuff common room. Instead, I hurried to the entrance hall and slipped out through the doors. I walked down to the lake, and walked away from the Durmstrang ship. I didn't like Karkaroff.

I took my shoes off, putting my feet in the water and then sitting down on the gravel and rocks. I stared out at the lake. A bunch of flashes of visions burst into my mind suddenly.

"Get out of my head!" I shouted, pressing my hands to the side of my head. Then, putting my head on my knees, I started to cry.

I couldn't help it- really. I had tried to hold things in for too long. I hadn't want to cry in front of dad so I'd bottled everything up. I hadn't cried for a long time and it was a bit of relief to let go of all my feelings.

I sobbed into my knees, trying to keep quiet. Then I felt arms slip around my shoulders, pulling me into a sort of awkward hug. I wasn't sure who it was until I felt the long hair against my neck. Snape.

I put a hand on his arm, pulling it closer. I was being so stupid, I knew, but I needed this sort of closeness.

"You're not useless you know." Snape said, his chin resting on my head.

I hiccupped. I didn't want to cry in front of him either. I quickly bottled the tears, wiping them off my face with my sleeve. "Sorry." I said.

"I don't want you to apologize." He muttered, "and you don't have to stop crying either."

"I hate when people watch me cry." I muttered.

"Technically, I can't see you anyways." Snape said lightly and I laughed. It was a hoarse laugh, but it was a laugh.

"Thanks." I said, feeling better. "You didn't have to follow me, you know. I'm not running away or anything."

At first, I thought he wasn't going to answer and then he said, "You should stay away from the Durmstrang ship. Karkaroff..."

"He wants to use my for my visions too?" I asked bitterly. "I figured as much."

"Something like that." Snape muttered.

I noticed that with his chin on my head and his arms around my shoulders, he was hugging me a bit like how dad might've held me as a little girl.

I turned around, burying my head into his shoulder. He rearranged his arms and I felt much better. This was a different type of hold.

I wasn't sure how long it was before I said, "I should go to the common room. Maybe they've stopped celebrating."

"You hate celebrations?" Snape asked, sounding amused.

"No, not usually. Only because I want to go to bed but its' Cedric, you know? And since we're close I have to stay up."

"You could. . ." He started and then stopped and quickly said, "never mind."

"What?" I asked, interested and sat up, looking into his eyes. I was aware that we were very close, though it was dark.

"It's nothing." He said huskily, moving to get up.

"Well now you have to tell me." I said, teasingly, getting up as well.

"I was going to offer my office, the way I did in first year when Quirrell. . ." he drifted off again. "But you're right, I reckon they've stopped celebrating."

My cheeks were burning and I was glad it was so dark out. "I'll take up your offer anyways."

💙💙💙💙

𝖂𝖍𝖊𝖓 𝕴 𝖜𝖔𝖐𝖊 up, I tried to figure out where I was, staring up at an unfamiliar ceiling. Of course, Professor Snape's office. I quickly rolled out of bed, pulling on my robes and shoes. I made the bed quickly and noticed that he was still sleeping on the floor, snoring.

My heart thudded in my chest and I froze. His silky black hair was swept across his face. He looked peaceful. He never looked like that when he was awake. I crept over to where he was and moved the hair out of his face. His hair was so soft. I touched his lips with one finger lightly. His snoring stopped and started up again, giving me a heart attack.

I reckoned he was awake. So, I bent down, brushed my lips against his cheek and whispered in his ear, "Thank you."

Then I stood and walked calmly out of the room. But once I closed the door behind me, I felt giddy and I left the classroom in great spirits.

I met Hermione coming out of the Great Hall. She had a stack of toast in a napkin, butter running through each piece onto the next.

"I'm going to get Harry, want to come?" She asked.

I nodded. I followed her up to the Gryffindor common room. The portrait opened before we even reached it and Harry came out and looked at us for a moment. "Hello, I brought you this... Want to go for a walk?" Hermione asked.

"Good idea." Harry said gratefully and then looked at me as we started walking and said, "Are you feeling better?"

I nodded. "I didn't want to compete in the Triwizard Tournament and when I had a vision my name was going to come out, I just didn't feel good. The pressure in there was just a little too much. Dumbledore's letting you compete?"

Harry nodded. As we were outside now, walking around the lake, eating, Harry told Hermione what had happened and caught me up with the other parts after I left.

"Well, of course I knew you hadn't entered yourself. The look on your face when Dumbledore read out your name! But the question is, who did put it in? Because Moody's right, Harry. . . I don't think any student could have done it. . . they'd never be able to fool the Goblet, or get over Dumbledore's-"

"Have you seen Ron?" Harry asked suddenly.

"Erm. . . yes. . . he was at breakfast." Hermione said after some hesitation.

"Does he still think I entered myself?" Harry asked.

"Well. . . no, I don't think so. . . not really." Hermione said a bit awkwardly.

"He's jealous." I piped up.

"Jealous? Jealous of what? He wants to make a prat of himself in front of the whole school, does he?" Harry asked incredulously.

"Look." Hermione said patiently, "it's always you who gets all the attention, you know it is. I know it's not your fault, I know you don't ask for it. . . but- well- you know, Ron's got all these brothers to compete against at home, and you're his best friend, and you're really famous- he's always shunted to one side whenever people see you, and he puts up with it, and he never mentions it, but I suppose this is just one time too many. . ."

"Great, Really great. Tell him from me I'll swap any time he wants. Tell him from me he's welcome to it. . . People gawping at my forehead everywhere I go. . ."

"I'm not telling him anything." Hermione said shortly. "Tell him yourself. It's the only way to sort this out."

"I'm not running around after him trying to make him grow up! Maybe he'll believe I'm not enjoying myself once I've got my neck broken or-" Harry said loudly.

"That's not funny." I snapped at him.

"That's not funny at all." Hermione agreed anxiously. "Harry, I've been thinking- you know what we've got to do, don't you? Straight away, the moment we get back tot he castle?"

"Yeah, give Ron a good kick up the ass?"

"Write to Sirius. You've got to tell him what's happened. He asked you to keep him posted on everything that's going on at Hogwarts. . . It's almost as if he expected something like this to happen. I brought some parchment and a quill out with me-" Hermione looked at me and I nodded.

"I know what the letter says." I said. Or at least, I hoped that it did.

"Come off it." Harry said, looking at us like we were crazy. "He came back to the country just because my scar twinged. He'll probably come bursting right into the castle if I tell him someone's entered me in the Triwizard Tournament-"

"He'll find out anyways." I said. "It'll be in the Daily Prophet by tomorrow." (I hoped). "He'd rather hear from you anyways."

I summoned my letters to Sirius and Dad from the castle as we walked up to the Owlery. They came shooting out the door and into my hand. "We'll send Sadie. She can mail my letter to Sirius and yours since you can't use Hedwig. I'll use Hedwig to send a letter to Dad."

Dear Sirius, You told me to keep you posted on what's happening at Hogwarts, so here goes- I don't know if you've heard, but the Triwizard Tournament's happening this year and on Saturday night I got picked as a fourth champion. I don't know who put my name in the Goblet of Fire, because I didn't. The other Hogwarts champion is Cedric Diggory, from Hufflepuff. Elizabeth's pleased. Elizabeth and Hermione say hello. Hope you're okay, and Buckbeak -Harry

"Finished," He said and I took his letter and gave him the one I had written to dad. "Give that to Hedwig." I repeated as Hedwig flew down from the rafters.

"This is for Professor Lupin." he told Hedwig as he tied the letter to her leg. I worked on Sirius' letters with Sadie.

I petted her wings and let her out. "I ought to go find Cedric and congratulate him." I told the others. I hugged Harry tightly. "You're going to be fine, you know." I said reassuringly. "The other students aren't going to be happy and I'm sorry you'll have to put up with it, but Hermione and I'll be here." I promised.

"Thanks Elizabeth." Harry said with a tight smile.

💙💙💙💙

𝕴 𝖋𝖔𝖚𝖓𝖉 𝕮𝖊𝖉𝖗𝖎𝖈 with some of his buddies in the library. I decided I wouldn't say anything because I didn't particularly like his friends. Cedric spotted me and jumped up and came over quickly. "There you are, I've been looking for you everywhere." he said.

"Congratulations." I said. "I'm really happy you got it."

"Walk with me." Cedric said, jerking his head out the library door. I followed behind him silently, a bit confused. "Are you okay?" He asked in concern as we were by ourselves. "You seemed really distressed about everything."

I sighed, running my hair through my knotted hair. "Yeah, I know. It's just. . ." I hesitated and then said, "When I had my visions, I-er- saw my name coming out of the Cup. And since I hadn't put my name in and I didn't want to compete in the first place, I was feeling horrible. But Harry's name came out and he didn't put his name in and when Professor Moody said maybe someone was trying to kill him well. . . I just got really upset."

"He really didn't put his name in the Goblet?" Cedric asked incredulously.

I nodded, "No one knows how his name was put into the Goblet. It's scary, really."

Cedric nodded, "Who put his name in it then?"

I shook my head, "I don't know. And that worries me. If I didn't seem something important, what else am I missing then?"

Cedric put an arm around my shoulder, "You shouldn't worry so much about those visions you know. They don't define you."

"McGonagall said something like that." I said. "But I still feel useless when I'm blind."

Cedric shook his head. "Get something to eat, alright? I know you didn't come back last night and you probably didn't eat breakfast."

I grinned reluctantly. "Sorry about not coming to the celebration."

Cedric waved his hand, "I don't care, Elizabeth. I just want you to be okay, alright?"

I nodded, "I'll go get something to eat.

Cedric hesitated, and then leaned in and kissed my cheek, "you do that." Then he walked back to the library. With burning cheeks, I headed to the Great Hall.

💙💙💙💙

𝕿𝖍𝖊 𝖓𝖊𝖝𝖙 𝖋𝖊𝖜 days were hard on Harry. Only the Gryffindors were being kind to him. Everywhere he went, Hufflepuffs, Ravenclaws, and Slytherins all hating on him. I got very frustrated with the Hufflepuffs who kept persuading me to stop being friends with Harry.

I'd been minding my business too, which made it even more frustrating. Cedric had been in the corner, talking to a huge group of people. Cedric was extremely popular and was usually always seen in a group of girls and boys. I'd been in the opposing corner, working on my homework. I still had a lot to do and I was rushing to get it done on time.

I didn't even realize that the girl was talking to me at first. She'd called "Hey!" And I didn't look up because I was trying to figure out what the Rune translation was. Then she called "Hey future-see-er." And I looked up.

"What?" I asked curtly. I hated being yanked out of homework reveries. When you have the flow, you have the flow. When you're interrupted, your thoughts stop and the essay is just harder to write when you eventually get back to it.

"Don't you like Cedric?" She asked and Cedric looked at her, frowning.

"Of course, I do." I said, trying to figure out why she might be asking about it. Half the girls were jealous about our close relationship.

"Then why are you still friends with Harry?" She asked defiantly.

I narrowed my eyes, "Why should I drop my friendship with him?" I asked harshly.

"Cause he's an attention-seeking git." Someone else said, laughing.

I slammed my books that I was holding down on the table so that I could shove them into my shoulder bag and said, "I can be friends with whoever the hell I want. I can support Cedric and Harry at the same time and if you all weren't such dunderheads, you'd be able to do that too."

Then I swept angrily out of the common room to go study in the Forbidden forest.

And then of course, there were the stupid Slytherins. I was passing through the hallway in the dungeon and saw the Gryffindors and Slytherins were lined up outside the Potions classroom. The Slytherins were howling with laughter and flashed their new badges to POTTER STINKS.

"Oh very funny. Really witty." Hermione said sarcastically.

"Want one, Granger. I've got loads. But don't touch my hand, now. I've just washed it, you see; don't want a Mudblood sliming it up." Draco said.

Harry and I had our wands out before anyone else could've blinked. I was feeling very angry right now and Draco was the perfect target.

"Harry!" Hermione said, not noticing me. No one seemed to notice I was there, their eyes were all on Draco and Harry. Good, I had a clear shot now.

"Go on, then, Potter. Moody's not here to look after you now- do it, if you've got the guts!" Draco said, his eyes glinting.

"Furnunculus!" Harry yelled.

"Densaugeo!" Malfoy screamed.

"Ebulblio!" I shouted.

Harry's spell hit Goyle in the face, Malfoy's hit Hermione, and mine hit Malfoy. Goyle bellowed as boils sprang up on his face. Hermione's teeth started to grow, and Malfoy was trapped in a transparent bubble. Crabbe lunged at me, knocking me to the ground. I guess he didn't like using his wand.

"And what is all this noise about?" A soft, deadly voice, said down the corridor as Crabbe punched me in the face. I kneed him in the groin, getting him hard, satisfyingly.

Snape grabbed the back of Crabbe's collar, hauling him to his feet. I got up to my feet on my own, blood dripping from my nose.

"Hospital wing." He said, pointing to Goyle, "Hospital wing." He said, pointing to Hermione. They both went off in the same direction. He took out his wand and undid the spell I'd done on Malfoy. "Get to class Kane." Snape said, then bent down and said, "Come back after class."

I headed off to charms wondering what he could possibly want now.

💙💙💙💙

𝕴 𝖐𝖓𝖔𝖈𝖐𝖊𝖉 𝖔𝖓 the office door of the Potions classroom because he wasn't in the classroom. "Come in." He said in an ice cold voice.

I entered hesitantly. Why was he angry with me? Sure, I'd trapped Draco in a bubble and made sure Crabbe wasn't having children anytime soon but still. . . it's not like I'd been in the wrong.

He had his back to me, working at his private desk and said, "Sit." The only thing to sit down on was the bed.

"What do you want?" I muttered, staring at my feet. My nose was still hurting and I closed my eyes and pressed on it. It burned and hurt even more. Maybe it was broken.

His fingers touched my chin and he pulled my head up so he could see my face. "Episkey."

My nose snapped and I yelped in pain and shouted, "What was that for!"

But the pain in my nose was fading. Snape actually smiled and then said, "You could just thank me."

I rolled my eyes. "Thank you."

I was briefly aware that his fingers were still on my chin and I reached up and touched his hand. We were still for a moment and then I drew away and said, "Really, thank you." I was blushing bright red, looking down, trying not to smile.

"I-I should- should go." I stumbled over my words and turned and nearly ran into the door and then ran from the room.

I was sure that if I had another meeting like that, I might actually kiss him.

And I wasn't sure how he'd react about that!

💙💙💙💙

𝕴 𝖜𝖗𝖔𝖙𝖊 𝖔𝖚𝖙 a letter to dad that night.

Dear Dad, The Daily Prophet's probably made a piece about it already, I reckon it'll be horrible too. It's going to paint Harry as such a lonely little boy which he isn't. I reckon he didn't say anything that the paper printed he said. Rubbish really, I don't know why you waste money on it. I'm feeling a bit off, I think that's simply because I don't understand why my visions are all wrong. I didn't tell you this yet but I had seen my name coming out of the Cup. Of course, then it was Harry's name but I don't know how I could've made such a mistake! Anyways, I reckon the first task ought to be dragons. You know, perfectly safe. I have to say I'm really glad my name wasn't shot out of the cup. I don't think I could handle it, considering I don't know how reliable my visions are. Of course then, I do suppose that I'd have a better reckoning than the others since I have an idea. Sorry, I'm complaining a lot. Magic school isn't as fun as I wish it was. I feel that every year, Harry's got some sort of hate coming towards him and I feel that I get some of the hate too, simply for being his friend. Especially this year, good lord. I wished the hat just put me in danger in Gryffindor. It's like I have to decide between Cedric and Harry and I can't because I love them both, you know? Anyways, I'll try to be more positive next time. I'm not really down. I've heard from Sirius a couple times and I know where he's staying so maybe I'll pay a visit. But Snape's always following me around. He thinks I'm in danger from the Durmstrangs. I don't know, maybe he's right. I don't understand his attitude towards me at all! He likes me a lot, I feel, and that in itself is confusing because he really ought to hate me. He hates Gryffindors and he fully well knows that's where I was supposed to end up. And he even likes me more than the Slytherins! Oh well, I hope you're doing alright. I miss you a lot, wish you were teaching this year. I've got Snape teaching me how to make Wolfsbane potion during our private lessons so maybe I'll be able to get my hands on some at some point. Not sure how I'll get it to you yet but I'll figure it out. I love you so much dad. -Elizabeth

I waited for it to dry, making sure no one was reading over my shoulder, and then I rolled it up and went up to the Owlery. Neither Hedwig or Sadie were back yet and with Ron's permission, I used Pig to send the letter to Dad.

⬅️➡️

[sanchoyo]

anyway. youtuber OC AU

-mira would have a sakura-hime/magical girl manga/anime focused analysis and theory channel. all of her videos are like 3-4 hours long and involve corkboards. she posts on a very strict regular schedule. she WILL argue in the comments too. until masayume is made the comment moderator and she is RUTHLESS with blocking comments that even dare suggest her girl is wrong, lmao. masayume is well known as her mod and will usually leave very long comments of her own on mira's videos (she is also one of the first ppl to view each of them) that will get voted to the top (and theres always people replying like 'how are you so fast and also on ALL of her videos??' and other people being like 'lol hii mod masayume thanks for your hard work <3!!' she doesnt have a huge following, it's kind of niche, but there is a Small dedicated fanbase.

-persimmon's channel has an ungodly amount of subscribers, like well over 5 mil. she does GRWM/makeup stuff and storytimes + vlogs. shes got a very chill vibe while talking abt the most insane stories u can imagine. and then sometimes she'll upload a wildcard video like 'i made a wardrobe app then programmed my mirror to it so I can play dressup IRL before getting dressed' and people are like. are you an engineer too, what?? and she'll just drop the github code for the thing with easy instructions like nbd. all of her titles are lowercase and theres never clickbait even if they can sound like it 'the time i worked at a shady cafe with a dark secret in the basement'...

-aqua would have the vibe of very early poppy content. like kind of ominous artsy stuff that isnt very long or its just her filming tiny snippets of things she thinks are cool and posting with no description. she had no following until some rando found it, got confused, and posted to reddit, where a bunch of theories about it got started. people are convinced its some kind of ARG and are trying to solve it. theres nothing to solve, but aqua thinks its really cute and will make references to the ARG/fake hints because it seems like people are having fun?? shes not actually TRYING to be weird or mysterious about anything?? occasionally she'll cameo in persimmon's videos and people are like 'crossover of the century?? how do they know each other???'

-sapote would be someone who had a lot of controversies/problematic content in the past but since has mellowed out and just does random podcast guest appearances and has her own now that she posts to youtube only. she will have the most random guests on from both the mews and aliens side and talk about basically anything. a lot of people dont like her still but no one can really deny her content is very entertaining (trashy reality tv kind of funny) and she's gone viral several times. when people find out her and persimmon (who has a mostly positive rep) are related they lose their minds and persi ends up having to block all comments abt sapote on her videos. she's the type you'd think 'wow i used to watch them all the time as a kid, wonder what theyre doing now..' then when you check you're floored at how much she's calmed down!!

-queen has a science channel where she explains really difficult concepts in accessible ways, usually in bite-sized videos to make them even more digestible. arilla would keep her on a good schedule for posting (I do not think she would have a decent schedule on her own, he would basically be her channel manager) her videos would have a verrrry high production value. she would be a youtube darling whose praised for being unproblematic and helpful, until the internet goes CRAZY at some big scandal she does. if youre wondering what the scandal is you'll have to watch a like, 5 hour explanation video because its so convoluted and several other youtubers of other genres are involved?? she goes awol for like a month to lay low them comes back with a ukulele apology. it is very passive aggressive and never directly addresses what shes apologizing for, either

-cara would not be a youtuber. she's a tumblrina.

[fwuffblanket]

Just venting, again

I'm living on a stubborn thread of delusional dreams for a future I'll never get to have. I try to live my life without these threads but I always end up falling and clinging onto them once again. I listened to the counselor's instructions to having a "healthy" mind and mentality during our many lectures. I tried making a good support system like the counselor said. But I fear that if I lean on them for help, they won't want to be around me anymore. I can never get my thoughts to be said out loud without extreme consequences. It just never ends well. Inanimate objects like stuffed animals and toys, keep me from doing something I know I'll regret. Though when people see how much I rely on them, they think it's funny or unreasonable. I see how they would think that, I know it isn't "normal" but nobody is normal right? Objects never make my happiness last long. Just like all my other attempts at being happy, they were fruitless and I should just give up on them. But its like permanent dye staining your hair, you can't get rid of it easily. And I just don't have the time to do that, nor the motivation.

+ Upcoming Tw SH +

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Being bored is like a punishment, its dreadful. Without entertainment, I lose myself in the depressing caverns that are the back of my mind. Spiraling with no motivation to crawl out of that destructive mind set. I make playlist after playlist, I buy plushies and toys. But its never enough to fill that void. No matter how much I feed it, it's never satisfied. Only when I follow through with the craving to just scratch, and scratch until there is just a giant rash, it will be content. But never for long enough. Its just exhausting..

-Once again, another quote -

" Don't you want to rip off your finger nails? Let the maggots feast while you rot in jail. Hey bunny, what the hell is wrong with us? I want to scratch myself with infected rust" - Hey Bunny by Baby Bugs

+End Tw+

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I am often guilty of holding extreme grudges. Even if its been 6 years I will still have it on my mind. No matter how many times one apologizes I still struggle to forgive and forget. It weighs on my shoulders until it finally caves in and smashes me like the worthless bug I am.

I follow my gut feeling and I know when I'm right. But eventually the fear of confrontation and the backlash of calling them out. Outweighs the benefits of getting them out of my life. I know that there is only one person who knows about this acc, that knows me irl. But just knowing that if I mess up, at any point he can out the secrets I so dearly need hidden. I know its wrong to think someone I care about, and trust a ton would even think of doing that. Because the reasonable part of me knows they wouldn't, but overthinking usually gets the best of me. I can't say much about the person who doesn't have access to this acc. Other than the empty apologies she gives me when she hurts my feelings. The ignoring my opinions, yelling at me to just "Shut up!" and let her speak whenever I try to rant about anything I care about. I can't with this anymore, she doesn't even let me talk!

-Quote time-

" I don't want to be forced to listen, under coercion" - Mommy Fwiend by Penelope Scott

"Fake apologies are rain on a cloudless day. And I don't think I've ever seen a sky so clear." I'm not crying your crying by PinkShift

--Srry for making this so long, once I got going I couldn't stop--

[rcxylancelct-mcrtcn]

She missed that point. Shit, she cursed to herself, and for a moment the worry in her actions were real, when she realised she was flawless enough to be caught lying. The way it seemed, Ryder wasn't the sort to divulge anything, even if threatened; he was ever calm, ever insistent to remain in charge. Well, she probably could take the reins from him, if she really had to, but the way their dynamic worked so far seemed more effective.

Roxy nodded when he gave his question, and then watched as he retrieved the necessities, eyeing its sterility, its newness. And while Ryder smiled, perhaps in some confidence of his preparedness in such circumstance, she feigned some sort of agitation, some need to be administered something- anything- soon enough. As she did so her eyes squinted some, darting through the materials, but within her glasses were typing hastily for intel:

Lancelot: How much so I don't die?

And whatever was returned would be followed, shifting from her seat only when instructed to. There was a momentary relief at the sight of the product, the reward for all the risks she’d decided to take so far. And yet, the end was still a brief way away, for she still had to prove her worth for it. And so a nervous hand reached for the pads then, wiping down the area she was to work, and another one for the package before opening it. She made her small solution- slightly runny, really, which she was ready to defend if asked- and drew the contents with a clean syringe. All the while, she only glanced at him once, when she was mixing her solution, as if questioning the validity of the product.

Finally, it was time to inject it. The needle was briefly returned to the cap as she pulled her sleeve up, deciding on her wrist; she figured she had more leeway to be forgiven with the lack of marks there, ready to reason that she rarely used such place. And so a pad was retrieved to clean her skin, before her finger carried the syringe one more, pushing put a bit of product just to see its viscosity, and finally- with the slightest breath- had pushed it in.

It was funny, really, for whatever worry she had of performing this whole show tapered off some the moment the drug entered her system, and she even laughed a little in relief. Still alive, still conscious, she thought to herself, pacing the product she was injecting in, keeping the needle inside for a few moments before finally emptying its contents. The relaxation was starting to get visible, eyes slightly lidded, shoulders dropping slightly as she formed a bit of a smile. “So,” she started after a little while, finding it a time anyway to try and retrieve more details, hands moving to make yet another dose, just to prove a point. “Is it true? These products- are they really from Cambodia?” Rumours, she was ready to excuse, but she knew exactly why. “Because these are brilliant… I don’t think I could live with anything else.”

ryder's monitoring her motions , the sound of her voice , the way her words don't waver when she talks . she's still polite , respectful -- an addict would be dutiful with their actions and remain to stay calm when almost given a no . most acted feebly and he's unsure how she would actually react to taking something . especially since she's requested to do it intravenously . luckily she had long sleeves on so he could not look for marks on her arm . he knew addicts well enough at this point in his life that it seemed weird of a woman like this , but he would entertain it for now .

' isn't that the goal ? ' he questions , a thick brow raising up and meeting her gaze briefly before he's moving behind his desk . a hand pulls open a drawer and retrieves a small kit . he didn't partake in most of the things he shuffled around , but kept it in there for any instance he needed it . and it seemed to be of use today . there were fresh needles and alcohol pads in it because no one liked anything used , he would think . lips twitch to a little smile now as he slides it across the table and takes a seat to dig in a much larger drawer . ' i think it wise to keep the things you sell along with it's accessories around . you never know when you might need it for show and tell , hm ? '

pulling a small amount of product out , he also discards it on her side of the table . he's leaning , elbows being places on the table and fingers in a slight triangle shape in front of his face as his blue eyes are trained on her . a small nod given towards her . ' go on then , i won't be the one with death on my hands if you over dose . if you're clearly an addict , you can administer it yourself . '

[chaotic-on-main]

Chapter 1: November

☾ Pairings ➼ Levi Ackerman x fem!mute!Reader (she/her pronouns), set in a modern semi-fictional world

☾ Summary ➼ Due to childhood trauma, you find yourself an adult without the ability to speak. After years of working on it, you have found ways to live without a voice. Now here in your late 20s, you are 5 months in getting used to a new town. On a fateful day in late November, you and your adopted sister visit a local bookstore-café, unaware of the friendships about to blossom. Throughout the months, one friendship in particular develops into something more.

☾ Content/Warnings ➼ fluff, slowburn, oblivious feelings, angst, mention of minor character deaths, trauma, illness, adoption, mentions of fire, disabilities, alcohol use, very light nsfw mentions, eventual smut (these update with every chapter)

☾ Author's note ➼ Hey guys! This is my first time writing fanfiction in a loooooong time, like the last time I wrote was probably in 2011. So with that said please be kind with any feedback or comments. I hope you enjoy! (also I made Hange's pronouns she/her/them/they)

Edit (11/27/2023): Hey guys, welcome to my little world of Unspoken Words. I have quite literally used this story as a way to better myself as a writer. As you read on, you may find that I've progressed (ofc I have a long way to go) but because of that, my first few chapters might be rough. With your patience, you may find a liking to this story as I know I've loved writing every word of it.

☾ word count ➼ ~7.1k

20-something years ago 

You’re not sure how, but you find yourself sitting in the back of a big, white van. Red and blue lights danced in your eyes, and it felt like a thousand people surrounded you. Something plastic is placed on your face then you are instructed to breathe in deeply. You thought it was funny to be told to breathe, like you don’t just do it naturally, but you follow instructions regardless. It’s hard though, every part of your body hurts, chest included. Every breath you take feels like your insides are on fire.  

‘Fire’, you think.  

Everything is on fire.

 ─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───

Present Day

Levi stood blank faced as he meticulously cleaned the blender station for what felt like the 100th time today. The late afternoon rush had just tapered down so he took advantage of the next to empty café to clean as much as he could before closing for the evening.  

“It’s 20 degrees outside, how are people still wanting frozen drinks.” he murmurs to himself, placing the blender back in its spot. Levi turns to the front counter and slings the towel he was using to dry things onto his shoulder.  

His best friend, roommate, and business partner could be seen restocking some books on tall shelves, a gentle smile lighting up his boyish features. It’s been about a year and a half since they started this business venture together and they had no idea at the time how successful their bookstore-café combo would be in this small town.  

Erwin’s thirst for knowledge kept their shelves as variable as ever while Levi’s love for perfecting the art of tea kept the drinks flowing. The problem, however, was Levi’s lack of people skills. He was seldom seen at the register, nor would you ever see him smile or talk to the customers. He often would leave you with a grunt and a swift turn after handing off the drinks.  

No, for that, they had hired a couple of local highschoolers to do the facing work.  

“Mr. Smith, Levi?” a soft voice rang out to the left of him. Levi shifted his attention to a taller girl with shoulder length raven hair standing next to him. Being as Mikasa is his cousin, they found early on how weird it was to be called ‘Mr. Ackerman’ as they shared the same surname. It was this connection too that got them to where they are today.  

“Would it be okay if Eren and I take off a little early tonight? We have some big tests coming up and we’d like to take some extra time to study.” Mikasa shifted her dark eyes to the darkening windows as the sun set just over the horizon. Pinks and oranges flooded the partially clouded skies.  

”Tch.” Levi could not help but roll his eyes. He raised a brow at her and leaned back against the counter behind him for support. “Sure, I guess,” he continues. “But do you really need it or is it for that blockhead?”  

As if summoned by his words, Eren comes up from behind Mikasa and wraps a red scarf around his girlfriend’s neck, both of their jackets hanging off one of his arms. Eren is a good kid, always on time and followed directions, but the amount of sass he held in his body was something else. Levi and Erwin did not mind though, as he added a certain energy in the café that the customers seemed to enjoy. The two men wouldn’t say it out loud, but they really appreciated having them both on the team.  

“Hey, I heard that. And yes, I need to study desperately. Econ is so hard and for what?!” Eren’s teal eyes widened for emphasis. To add to it he even put on a fake pout.  

“I-”  

“Just take the trash with you on the way out and you’re good to go.” Erwin piped up from behind a bookshelf.  

Mikasa nodded in acknowledgement towards the voice, a silent thank you. Like Levi, she was not one for many words. He once thought it was an Ackerman thing but then he thought back to his annoying uncle and changed his mind quickly.  

With that, she and Eren both untangled the aprons from their bodies, grabbed their belongings, and picked up the trash bags that were already taken out of the cans. They opted to leave through the back since the dumpsters were located that way. Again, Levi wouldn’t say it to anyone out loud, but he really did like those kids.  

Erwin could be heard stacking more books into the shelves which left Levi to polish the counters again. It was the last hour before they closed so it stayed quiet for the most part, only interrupted by the sounds of scuffling shoes and books being placed on hard surfaces. Light jazz filled the rest of the silence. Then the bell signifying new customers rang from the front.  

“Levi, can you grab that?”  

The raven-haired man just huffed in response then stepped over to the register. His eyes fell on two figures right in front of him. A frazzled brunette and... you.  

Due to the season, you are bundled up in a thick parka and knitted beanie. A big scarf wraps around your neck and face so that all Levi could see is your flushed cheeks and thick lashed eyes. Truthfully, you reminded him of a marshmallow.  

“What’ll it be?” he asks, deadpan. The brunette is the one to respond, the voice loud enough to make him wince.  

“Hmmm... well one English breakfast tea latte with lots of room for sugar aaaaand I’ll take a peppermint hot chocolate. Oh, and extra whip! We’ll drink it here.” She fished out a card with a dramatic thwip and handed it to Levi’s outstretched hand.  Their café is one of those where if you were to stay, they offered washable cup ware as to keep the prices down on disposable cups. Not to mention the lessened ‘environmental impact’ as Erwin would say.  

Levi glances at you before turning to make both orders. You give a small wave and smile a little, but he was already working quickly on the drinks. 

He went into autopilot as he steeped the tea and steamed the milk. He really appreciated customers that ordered anything outside of coffee, especially when it came to tea. It’s not that he hated coffee, though it’s not like he liked it either, but it just wasn’t his thing. Coffee offered a different kind of bitterness that he wasn’t very fond of. With extra whipped cream in one and extra space in the other, he whirled around to place the drinks on the counter.  

The one with glasses is the one that picks them up and they promptly walk in the direction of where you currently sit, one of the tables in the back corner by the window. You were stripped of your big parka and scarf, though the beanie stayed. Your eyes were wandering around the café in wonder, and Levi was pretty sure this had to be your first time here. But truthfully, he wouldn’t know, he didn’t make it his business to know his customers. That was Erwin’s and the kids’ job. 

“The shelves are full and I’m exhausted.” Erwin came around the counter with a couple of empty boxes in his arms, heading straight for the back to the dumpster. Levi stepped back and leaned against the counter once again, his own black tea that had steeped while making yours cradled in his fingertips. He kept looking at his only customers while he sipped the black liquid. The teacup almost slipped out of his grip as he saw you dumping a large amount of sugar into your cup.  

 There you sit, extremely focused on the cup in front of you and lips pressed together tightly, almost as if you were afraid you’d put in too much. The sight would have been funny if you hadn’t just ruined your entire tea, he thinks to himself. You smile to yourself in satisfaction and put the sugar jar back where it came from. While you stir the sweetener in gently, the brunette in front of you talks animatedly. Hands were flying everywhere, and Levi could practically feel the energy radiating from the corner of the room.  You were doing the same, silently laughing. 

Suddenly the front door flew open, the bell ringing loudly with it. Levi grits his teeth, steeling himself for yet another customer interaction. But his shoulders dropped in relief at the sight of only Carly, Erwin’s girlfriend. She saunters up to the counter with a big smile aimed towards Levi and without even asking she slid behind the bar. Erwin had already made it from the back and was in the process of putting away the leftover ingredients from the day. Carly wraps her arms around her boyfriend and plants a big kiss on his face, to which Levi quickly looks away. It wasn’t weird for her to come in right as they were about to close.  

What was weird, he thought, was the shock that flooded your face as you eyed the very public display of affection. Levi knit his brows in confusion as the brunette pivoted in her seat to see what you were staring at. Their face fell, any evidence of a good time completely erased.  

“Carly?”  

The person in question whipped around so fast at the voice and the panic that exuded from her was palpable. She quickly unwrapped herself from Erwin’s embrace.  

“Hange.”  

If it wasn’t for the jazz in the background, the lengthy silence that followed would have been deathly.  

Carly clears her throat and laughs awkwardly.  

“Uh, why are you here?”  

The person named Hange just lifts their hot chocolate cup awkwardly, not really saying anything. Their eyes shift between Carly and Erwin, clearly understanding what had happened.  

“I-I’m sorry, you guys know each other?” Erwin sounds cautious, like he already knew the answer. Of course, he would, he isn’t dumb. His piercing blue eyes survey the situation, going back and forth between the two.  

“Well, uh. I-” Carly stutters, clearly at a loss of what to say in the predicament she found herself in.  

“She’s my girlfriend.” Hange claims calmly.  

This admission makes Erwin sigh heavily, confirming what he had pieced together. Levi stared at him in bewilderment as the man just chuckled quietly.  

“Well. I suppose that’s it then.” And with that he turns on his heel and stalks off to the back room. 

“Wait, Erwin I can explain!” She follows right on his heels and disappears into the back room as well. A minute later you can hear hysterical crying and calm retorts reverberating from the back. If Levi could shrink into the cabinets to get out of this situation, he would. Instead, he focuses on the other party who were having a very quiet and rushed discussion. Well, a one-sided discussion, as he only heard one voice.  

Levi, realizing it was almost time to close anyways, rushes to close the distance between him and the front door. He really did not want to have to deal with other customers while the drama unfurled. So, he flips the door sign to ‘Closed’ and unplugs the ‘Open’ neon sign hanging in the window. A couple walks by about to open the door, probably out for a café date from the looks of it. But they were only met with a dead stare from the sharpest eyes they’d ever seen. With that, they briskly turned around and left down the sidewalk.  

Levi spins around and from here he gets a better look at the two trapped customers. You were moving your hands all over the place like you were earlier. But with an even closer look he realizes you weren’t just talking animatedly with your hands; you were talking with them. You were signing. 

You reacted to your partner’s conversation just fine, so it was clear you had some sort of hearing. Your scarf now hung loose around your shoulders, and it looked like you had tears brimming in your eyes. Levi swiftly walks back to the counter; this is obviously not a conversation he needed to be a part of.

“Hey, don’t worry about me. It’s only been a couple of months. Really, it’s better to find out now than 3 years from now.” They laughed without humor. You know when Hange was saving face for your sake, she was never as sly as she thought she was.  

‘You don’t need to be strong right now.’ You sign then reach your hand out to touch her cheek softly. Physical touch had become your second language early on, if only to emphasize. Fortunately, Hange was okay with that and often embraced it with open arms.  

“I know, my little strawberry. I just need some time to process everything.” They pat you on the head lightly with a small grin. You swat their hands, blushing at the nickname you were so graciously given so many years ago.  But you nod back, knowing they would not change their mind.  

The tall blonde glides through the back door, alone. His face was grim as he tugged loose the tie around his neck.  

“Hange, was it?” He started walking towards you and your very startled sister.  

“U-uh yeah. That’s my name! Listen I had no idea, I’m so sorry. I would have said something obviously but-”, they take a deep breath. “I’m sorry. What’s your name again?”  

“Erwin Smith. There is nothing to apologize for as I can only assume there’s only one blame to be given. I hate that we must meet under such a circumstance, but it is truly nice to meet you.” He raises a hand waiting for a handshake.  

Hange takes it after a second of processing, shaking the hand vigorously with both hands.  

“Well, unfortunately it is what it is. I’m sure Carly and I will be speaking soon. I’m assuming she’s not just hiding back there.” They flick their gaze to the back door he had just come through.  

“Ah well, yes. Long gone... how long were you two...?”  

“Only like, 3 months or so. You?” 

He flinched at that and murmured, “3 Years.” 

Thinking back to her comment not 10 minutes ago, Hange bit their cheek.  

“Oh man I’m so sorry.”  

“No, please. It’s alright. None of this is yours or my fault. We couldn’t have known, but now we do.” Erwin chuckled to himself. You wonder if he’s trying to save face the way your sister did. His gaze now shifts to you. He is a very handsome man. To your extreme surprise, he starts signing to you. 

‘I'm sorry, who might you be? I noticed you signing earlier. I know a little from the books I have read.’ His crystal blue eyes sparkle at you as he signs. You can’t help but break out into a huge grin. You sign your name back and compliment him on his raw signing form.  

‘I am of hearing, though. So please feel free to talk, and I will sign back.’ You clarify to Erwin, the smile not falling from your face.  

“That sounds like a plan. Levi, stop hiding behind the counter and come say hi.” Erwin calls out, not bothering to look over his shoulder. You hear a grunt in response and not 10 seconds later, the barista stands cross armed next Erwin. He nods a hello to each of you.  

You knew he was shorter than you, at least a couple inches, based off the interaction at the counter earlier. But seeing him side by side with his friend was almost comical. But as short stature as he was, it did not keep him from holding himself with such authority. It made you nervous.  

‘Thank you for the tea, it was very good.’ You sign, your sister translating in real time for you.  

“Tch, are you sure? I saw you dump enough sugar in it to make it syrup.” Levi retorts dryly.  

That makes you smile sheepishly. His fixated stare unnerved you a little, but you stare back regardless. Now that he was closer, a glass case no longer between the both of you, your eyes traveled along his face in close inspection. 

He’s beautiful, you think to yourself. His features are sharp and angled. Steely gray eyes pronounced a permanent exhausted look. It was a shade of gray you’ve never seen before, and they were mesmerizing. As if he could feel you staring holes in his face, he flicks his eyes to the side, clearly uncomfortable. But you can’t help it, because really the most intriguing thing about him was not his metallic eyes. It was the scars that marred his porcelain skin.  

A couple of scars ran down the right side of his face. The prominent of the two trailed from the top right of his forehead all the way down to his chin, cutting into his right eye and both lips. You’re pretty sure his eye was quite damaged due to the slight muted discoloration of the eye color.  

He’s beautiful, you repeat to yourself. You glance over to Hange, and they just look over at you with a knowing look. You know she was just begging to ask Levi too, but she just shakes her head. So, you fold your hands together and pinch your lips together.  

“Well!” Hange yells out, breaking the silence. “This human really needs a drink. Let’s all go! Erwin, I demand you let me treat you to a couple drinks!” She wraps an arm around your shoulders and laughs.  

“A drink sounds fantastic; I will gladly take you up on that offer. Let me just close up rea-” He’s cut off by Levi raising both of his hands up in protest. You notice the two missing fingers on his right hand. The pointer and middle were gone. Whatever this man went through, you just had to know. But you toss those questions onto an ever-growing pile and bite your cheek.  

“Erwin, I can close up. You go ahead.” Your sister just smiles widely and practically jumped up and down. The blonde man just clapped his hand Levi’s shoulder and smiled at him.  

“Thank you. You’ll join us after? The usual place?” Levi just shrugs his shoulders in response.  

Part of you hoped he would. You couldn’t place a singular reason why though.  

.

Fifteen minutes later, the three of you found yourselves in a well-lit and very crowded bar. Somehow Erwin had snagged a table near the back wall. Heavy rock blares loudly from a live band maybe 20 feet away. Overwhelming was an understatement, but you grit your teeth and sit down on one of the stools.  

“Whatcha want, my darlings?!” Hange yells over the music, slapping both hands down on the table and staring at the both of you.  

“Whiskey neat, whatever they offer is fine.”  

You sign the words ‘apple’ and ‘juice’ followed by a ‘thank you’. You’ve never been one for a drink. While it was tolerable to be around, you’d rather not have to taste it if you could help it.  

Looking around, you see all manners of people surrounding you. Something about it makes your stomach turn but you shift in your seat to quell it down. You’re sure it’s only so crowded because of the prospect of a Friday night and the promise of no plans the following day. The town of Jinae was not anything special, but it was quaint. You and your sister found out quickly it was a place where everyone knew mostly everyone. After only settling down here from your hometown 5 months ago, you were still learning of all the local spots.  

From the looks of it, this bar was one of those. “The Scouts” was an inviting place, decorated with dark greens and wood tones. The walls were littered with many frames of a lot of different people. You imagine it might have been local residents in various locations of the town. All of the wood was worn down, so it was clear this place has been in business for a while. A neon sign hangs above the stage where the live band played, something that resembled blue and white wings. It makes you wonder what the significance is.  

Your thoughts are disturbed as a glass is placed in front of you. Realizing the dryness in your throat, you pick up the glass and take a big swig of the amber liquid. You’re met with a burning sensation, and you gag. This alerts Hange of the unfortunate mistake.  

“Ah I’m sorry my little strawberry!! They do look quite similar though, don’t they?” They switch the glasses quickly and laugh. You notice the very noticeable cup size differences between the two and you stare at her quizzically. “I may have taken a shot while at the bar, sorry.” she adds on. It makes you shake your head, but you grab her hand reassuringly and chuckle.  

‘I’m sorry.’ You sign at Erwin, and he just smiles back.  

“Not a problem. But I have to ask, how was it?” A bushy eyebrow raises at you in amusement.  

You just stick your tongue out and make a gagging gesture at him. You laugh though, not really upset.  

Two apple juices in, the live band ends. Hange and Erwin are very deep in conversation, which you suspect might be about Carly. You can’t really hear what’s being said though. With the absence of music, chatter quickly fills the air. Honestly it was really starting to get to you. So, after tapping on the pair’s shoulders and signing where you were going, you find yourself leaning over the guard rail just outside the bar’s door.  

The sun was already far gone. A crescent moon sits high in the sky and a smatter of stars surrounds it. The cold air felt very welcome on your very flushed face. You exhale a big sigh, which garners a puff of steam. It makes you laugh so you do it again. Then you start to wonder how long you might be able to last out here before getting frostbite when suddenly a body starts leaning against the rail next to you.  

With a start, you whip your head to face the newcomer. Instantly you relax at the sight of Erwin’s friend. He was adorned in a big peacoat and his casual slacks. A tan turtleneck sweater peaks out from the jacket’s collar. His face was flushed as well, no doubt from the cold.  

Levi. 

He wasn’t paying you any mind though, instead his gaze laid upon the sky above, at the stars. You wave at him anyways and offer a small smile. He glances at you with a side eye and returns a curt nod.  

Not one for words. 

So, you both stand there in silence, staring up at the twinkling lights above. It wasn’t uncomfortable in the slightest. Something about his presence radiated a sort of calm, and you were happy to bask in it.  

After a few minutes, he shifts his weight in your direction, so you face him. He’s staring up at you and it makes you swallow hard. His eyes glowed silver from the moonlight. Truly you have never been this fascinated with a person until now.  

“You like the stars.” It wasn’t a question, more like a statement.  

You nod in agreement, smiling to emphasize your love for them. He purses his lips at that. It seemed as if he wanted to say something else to that, but nothing came out. It just makes you frown a bit. You just have more questions that keep piling up. Everything about him just emanated mystery and it made you want to know all about him.  

‘Are you okay?’ You sign to him, exaggerating your frown to show your concern. You’re only met with a look of confusion. You forget that he does not know much if any sign. And you kick yourself for leaving your communication tools at home. To be fair though, this is not where you expected to be tonight.  

You then get an idea to use your phone to type to him but before you even reach into your pocket, you’re interrupted by a sudden blast of warm air as a couple stumbles out of the bar, both in a giggling fit as they cling to each other. They take off down the road, laughing even harder. The brief warm air makes you shiver, reminding you of the cold outside.  

As if thinking the same thing, Levi catches the door before it closes and holds it open for the both of you. You’re suddenly well aware of the very loud singing happening from within and your eyes widen at the familiarity of one of the voices. You and Levi make your way to the voices and are greeted with the sight of Erwin and Hange duetting a Backstreet Boys song.  

What a sight it was. The tall brunette, face flushed and glasses askew, had their arm around Erwin. He his blonde hair was quite tousled, and he looked like he was having the time of his life. They both swayed together as they belted out the lyrics. As if their smiles were contagious, you felt yourself grin. It was kind of cute. So, you pull out your phone and snap a quick picture, sure to show Hange in the morning. It was a good thing too, because the song ends right as you put your phone away in your bag. Levi clicks his tongue and huffs. You glance over at the noise and notice a small upturn to the corner of his scarred mouth. Noticing your gaze, his face vacates itself from any emotion as he stares back ahead.  

“Oi! Eyebrows!” He calls out to his friend. Levi starts making his way to the stage, walking with a slight limp. Yet another question to add onto the pile. “I’m gone for 45 minutes and you’re already singing.”  

“I’m fine! Just a couple drinks in.”  

You all make your way to the table you had laid claim to earlier. You survey the table and count at least 6 more glasses, not counting your two. It was hard to see who drank what.  

‘Are you okay?’ You sign to your sister, concern etched on your face. They just nod lazily and give a thumbs up with both hands. Levi is regarding you with a look of understanding, and it seems he realized that you had asked him outside.  Music starts playing over the speakers again, and people start making their way to the dance floor. Hange squeals and downs the rest of her drink quickly.  

“Erwin let’s go!” She grabs his arm, not waiting for a response. He gives a mock salute to the two of you and follows without question. Levi just clicks his tongue again and heads to the bar to get himself something. So, you plop yourself down on the stool and stare out into the room. Out of nervous habit you start fidgeting with the napkins in front of you. A moment later, Levi’s hobbling over with a tray of drinks. 

“I got the idiots some water, they look like they need it.” He places the glasses down with a thud, including one of his own housing some sort of caramel liquid. Then he’s sliding something over to you and you’re about to protest that you don’t drink but you realize it’s not a glass. It’s a notepad and pen.  

“If you need something, this might come in handy.” is all he says.  

You’re quick to show your appreciation with a bright smile. You also note to yourself that you could have very well have used your phone to communicate but you were not one to disregard someone’s thoughtfulness. It makes something bloom in your chest, warm and comforting.  

Your many years of not having a phone of course meant writing – a lot. Your handwriting evolved plenty with time so that meant it was extremely neat. It had to have been so that the reader would be able to read it without an issue. 

First you write your name, as you realize no one had really said it out loud while at the teashop. Following that you add ‘I think your shop is wonderful, and I really did enjoy the tea you made.’ You also want to jot down the questions from earlier that were still swimming in your mind, but you hold yourself back. You tell yourself maybe later, granted if there would even be a later.   

When angling the paper so he could see it, his eyes flit across the words quickly and you’re given a grunt in acknowledgement. Pulling back the notepad, you bite the inside of your cheek. While it wasn’t awkward being next to him, he sure made it hard to talk to. His cold demeanor gave you the feeling he wasn’t the type to talk about himself, especially with someone he just met. So, asking questions about him or his life was out the window. Likewise, he did not really seem interested in hearing your life story, not like you were planning to spill it anyways for fear of being met with disdain. You had plenty of experiences with that growing up.  

Tapping the pen against your chin, your eyes drift around the bar room. There a multitude of people lingering about, shouting over each other to be heard. A couple sits in a corner, whispering who knows what to each other. Both of their cheeks are flushed and eyes heavy with lust. A handful of people are on the dance floor grinding away, your sister and new friend sticking out like a sore thumb as they dance with reckless abandon. All of this gave you an idea, remembering something you’ve read before many moons ago. You start scrawling on the paper again.  

‘Are you a gambling man, Levi?’ 

You shift the pad back over to him and he glances down again after taking another sip of his spirit. He was holding his glass in a way you’d never seen before and honestly it was a little weird.  

“Tch, hardly. Why do you ask?” He looks hard at you as you scratch something else down.  

‘I propose a game to pass the time. Let’s make some bets about the random people in this room.’ 

He looks at you incredulously. You stand your ground, not averting your gaze even a little. When you don’t back down, he just scoffs and shakes his head at you.  

“I literally could not care less about these people,” he clicks his tongue. “But I suppose there’s not much else to do so I’ll bite.” Knocking back the rest of his drink, he moves around you to lean back against the wall so that he is facing the rest of the crowd. You shift so that you are doing the same. You don’t overlook the proximity to the shorter man, nor the fact that your arms are almost touching. You start to scribble once more.  

‘Winner gets to ask the loser one question.’ As his eyes fall on your words, he seems a little taken aback. Levi seems to think for a moment, like he’s weighing his pros and cons.  

“One non-personal question.” He amends. You both nod in agreement. So, your eyes travel around the room, looking for your first target. It falls on a group not so far away.  

‘I bet that gaggle of young girls over there are here for a bridal party.’

You point in the direction of the said group. Currently they were taking tequila shots, lime and all. All of them sparkled and were dressed up to the nines, save for the silly little hats adorning their heads. And they were having so much fun.  

“No way,” Levi scoffs, “That has to be a 21st birthday. They all look like babies.”  

Suddenly someone comes through a parting in the crowd with a tray of assorted colorful drinks garnished with cute little accessories. They all yell in excitement at the sight. One of the girls raises her glass and starts shouting.  

“To Estelle! May your married life be full of infinite love, happiness, and orgasms!” They all cheer and take big gulps of their drinks, followed by more giggling.  

Levi glances art you, his gray eyes dull in the dim bar light. An eyebrow lifts at you as well.  

“How did you know?” 

You do a sweeping gesture starting from one shoulder down to the opposite hip. He looks back over to the women and conveniently the soon-to-be-bride had faced your direction. She was indeed wearing a white sash sporting the word ‘BRIDE’ in bright pink letters. He huffs as he rolls his eyes, and you smirk at him in return. You press the pad over to him, already equipped with your question.  

Levi scoffs at your question. As promised, it wasn’t very personal. You figured ice breaker like questions were a good start. But his pause made you question if this was a good idea, you didn’t want to run him off or make him uncomfortable. Then he clicks his tongue, and his face softens ever so slightly.  

“My favorite hobby, huh? It would have to be cleaning.” He simply states. 

Cleaning?  

‘Like mopping, dusting, all that jazz?’  

“Yeah, it brings me peace. I like the control. Plus, I can't stand filthy things, people, or places. It’s repugnant.” He scrunches his nose at the last statement. A laugh bubbles up and you can’t help but let it loose. You’re shot with a glare and a sharp tone.  

“Funny?”  

You shake your head no and smile lightly while your hands move adeptly on the pad.  

‘Not funny, just amusing because it’s not something I would have expected. It’s different. If it makes you happy then it is an admirable hobby.’ 

Levi’s looking away from you now. If it wasn’t so dim, you would have seen there was a light dusting of pink color his cheeks and ears. He clears his throat and scans the room for his victim. His eyes land on the couple in the back corner whispering to each other. He notices their not-so-subtle hand movements as they felt each other up. Nodding in their direction, he looks back over to you, leaning close so you can hear.  

“I bet that couple will get up in the next 3 minutes and excuse themselves to somewhere private.” Your eyes travel in that direction, only to look away hastily at such an intimate scene. You’re not able to think of a counter-bet because honestly, you’re thinking the same thing. Your eyes settle back to his face, but he’s already looking back at the couple. If he noticed you staring, he didn’t say. Suddenly his face is filled with a satisfied look, only to be replaced quickly with a look of horror. You follow his gaze again, afraid of what you might see.

Fortunately, it’s nothing risqué, as you catch the tail end of the couple slipping into one of the public, unmarked restrooms. But the thought of their future actions was enough to gross you out. Looking back at Levi, you scrunch your face up in disgust. He nods in understanding.  

“This is why we don’t use public restrooms, especially in a bar.” He pinches the bridge of his nose with his good hand. “When I said somewhere private, I meant like a residence or something. Filthy animals, unbelievable. They better scrub that bathroom down. Maybe I should tell the bartender when they’re done. Maybe I should help clean.” 

His retorts crack you up, your shoulders bouncing from silent laughter. He just stares at you impassively as he runs his fingers through his hair to get it out of his face.  

“Well, it’s not like we should ruin their fun. Anyways I suppose I won. Let’s see... what’s your favorite color?” 

You part your lips, dumbfounded. This was never an easy question, as you found joy in a lot of different colors. You bite your lip and start writing, but after a couple minutes Levi rips the pad from your hands out of impatience.  

salmon 

turquoise? 

canary yellow! 

orange 

dark forest gre- 

He just looks at you in alarm.  

“Just pick one.” he scolds. 

You snatch the pad back and scribble down, ‘It’s not that simple!’  

“It is to me. White, easy.” You just stare right back at him, not believing what you just heard. Out of all the many shades and hues out there, this man decides the color white.  

‘Why?’ 

“It’s clean.” is the only response you get.  

It makes sense, you think. But seriously, this man was so weird. But like you said earlier, it was different and that made it refreshing to you. You start searching for your next bet.  

As if in a scene from a movie you’ve seen a dozen times came to life, your eyes snap to a lone woman sitting at the bar, nursing a drink and playing on her phone. A couple seats down, you spot a few men chatting. One of the men is staring hard at the very oblivious woman. You nudge Levi with your elbow, not unnoticing the slight flinch from your touch. You point to the scene, and he is quick to understand.  

“I bet when he walks over to her, she’ll get up and leave.” He says confidently.  

Trusting your instincts, you scrawl back quickly as you notice the man started making his way towards the woman. Sticking your tongue out at him, you angle the pad to him so he could see.  

‘Absolutely not. She’ll tell him off right away.’  

To both yours and his surprise, not one moment later she throws the rest of her drink contents onto the man’s head. She gathers her belongings, throws a wad of bills on to the bar, then stomps out of the establishment. The rejected man staggers back to his friends, and they applaud him for his supposed gall. This event left you both stunned. There’s a moment of pause where you and Levi just stare at each other before all hell breaks loose as he starts talking and you start scribbling furiously.  

“She walked away, I win.”  

‘She threw that drink on him, that’s practically telling him off. And that happened before any walking off.’  

“That hardly counts, no words were used.” He scoffs and folds his arms across his chest as he stares hard at you. You weren’t sure if the indignation was real or not, but it was evident in his face.   

‘Words are not always needed to convey intent.’ You shoot back at him, shifting your weight to tap your foot defiantly. You would know this of course.  

This makes Levi pause. He opens his mouth to say something but then Erwin and Hange came crashing into the little bubble you two had made. Suddenly the sounds of clinking glasses and mindless chatter came rushing in and you took a step back.  

“Um, I think Hange might have had a little too much tonight.” Erwin says, to which your attention is drawn to a very drunk Hange. They were a blubbering, sobbing mess. Whining about things that ranged from Carly to her work stress and everything in between. Your sister rarely got this drunk, but you imagine the events from earlier might have been her breaking point. This was a sign to get her home.  

You hastily round the table to wrap her arm around you and prop her up. Then after whipping a $20 out of your purse and throwing it on the table in front of the boys, you give them a grateful smile and sign to Erwin.  

‘Thank you both for tonight. She and I had a lot of fun. But I need to get her home before she gets worse.’ As if on cue, they let out a loud wail and start sobbing into your shoulder. You shift your body to hold them closer so that you don’t drop them. Erwin grabs your $20 and shoves it back in your purse before zipping it up. He had left you no time to protest as he places a large hand on your shoulder and stares intensely at you.  

“Please, let me take care of this. Tell them this was an exceptional time. And to please stop by the café again, we owe each a good, sober talk.” His bright blue eyes crinkled in the corners as he smiled at you warmly. “It was a pleasure meeting you too. I hope you join Hange on the café visits as well. I think Levi has warmed up to you just nicely.” He wiggles an eyebrow at his friend. Levi just shoves him back and rolls his eyes.  

“Tch, fuck off. She’s alright, I guess.” He’s staring at you now, not as cold as before. “You owe me an answer next time we meet.”  

You purse your lips at him and shake your head in disagreement. 

‘I totally won that, don’t even think otherwise.’ You jot down lazily on the notepad still on the table. It wasn’t as neat, but you were propping up a whole human, you couldn’t help it.   

“Are you sure you’re safe to get home okay? We can he-” You cut Erwin off with a wave of the hand. Their spot of choice was actually very lucky, as you only live a few minutes away. And to be honest, you needed the cold air. So, you sign a quick goodbye to your new friends and make your way out. 

Walking down the snowy sidewalk, you pat Hange’s head as she grumbles about random things. She opted to walk herself, but you kept your hand in theirs to lead them in the right direction. She only stumbled a few times but overall, you were able to keep a steady pace. You note that before you left, her glass of water had been untouched, so you make a mental reminder to hydrate her before throwing her in bed.  

‘Alcohol was not kind to those in their 30s’ you heard their voice say in the back of your mind.  

As your steps left crunching noises in their wake, you peer up at the moon and glittering stars. A certain raven-haired and silver-eyed man etched in your brain. You wonder how soon it will be before seeing him again.  

‘Levi’ you sign to yourself with a free hand. A smile cemented to your face the whole way home.

☾ Next Chapter: December

[creativepawsworld]

Silence - Chapter 10

Pairing = Thomas Shelby x Original Character

Summary = An strange family dinner ends with Anastasia working late at the tailor shop. An unexpected visitor appears.

Warnings = Language, betrayal, kissing, self-inflicted pain mentioned

Word Count = 2393

Dinner tonight was an experience. My brother had brought Martha over to meet our parents much like he was instructed to do, my parents had opened two bottles of wine, drinking the majority themselves, the cake my brother came home with not touched. There was laughter, general happiness around the table and as strange as it was, I loved it.

In all the darkness that followed the war, it was about time the light started to return.

Once the alcohol was consumed our parents said their goodbyes going to bed for an early night, the effects of wine going straight to their heads. I couldn't remember the last time I ever saw my parents with a drink, so I wasn't surprised with their early departure. I tidied the kitchen to my mother’s standards, Martha and James helping, talking idly about the night we had all just experienced.

“That was interesting” James spoke first with a laugh as he put the dishes back into the cupboard. “Ana can vouch for me, that was one of the strangest nights we have spent with our parents. I hope they didn’t scare you off Martha?”

“No of course not, they were actually really nice. Nothing like you described. Your father is funny, and your mother is too kind” Martha smiled folding a towel and putting it on the kitchen side.

“Yeah, strange” James nodded running a hand over his tired eyes.

“They normally aren’t as funny and kind. Dinner is normally a quiet event in this house” I tell Martha when we retreat into the living room.  “They have been, father especially happier the last few days”

“I’m telling ya Ana, its either happy pills or they have finally lost their minds.”

“Don’t be saying that” Martha smacked my brother on the chest, with a giggle of her own. “Don’t listen to him Ana. I’m sure they are just finally accepting that life isn’t as dark and gloomy as it looks around Small Heath, things are changing I can feel it.”

“Whatever it is I hope it lasts. I like this side of our parents, even if it is strange James” I tease my brother, sticking my tongue out at him. After a few moments of content silence, James decided to walk Martha home as they both had work in the morning. “I’ll walk you out, I’m going to finish John’s suit” I tell them hobbling after them and out the front door.

“Working late tonight again? Ana, you need to be sleeping” James scolded as I unlocked the tailor shop door. “This isn’t healthy”

“I am sleeping James; I just need to finish this it’s due tomorrow. It won't take my long.” I tell him using the crutches to help me up the step. Turning to look at him, he had his arm wrapped protectively around Martha. I couldn’t help but smile. It was nice seeing my brother find someone he cared about. “Besides I’m sure I’ll be sleeping before you even get home”

“Goodnight Ana” James chuckled shaking his head, Martha saying her goodbyes as my brother pulled her gently down the street and out of sight.

Sighing to myself, I locked the door behind me, turning on the light at my desk and taking a seat pulling John’s trousers onto my lap to inspect. I found out this afternoon that John Shelby was in fact the more compassionate brother out of the three Shelby men.

 After our talk in the Garrison, he helped me back to the shop, taking his time, making sure that I was comfortable with the pace, I had chosen. As we walked, we spoke about his late wife and how he was struggling to cope with four children by himself, they were wild and running rings around him. Feeling some kind of sympathy for the younger Blinder, I offered my services whenever I could when my foot was healed, surprising not only him but also myself. I didn't know the first thing about children.

Hearing a knock at the door pulling me from my thoughts, I got up limping over and opening it expecting to see James standing there, a know it all look on his face that he was back before I was sleeping, proving he was right once again, but it wasn’t him. In fact, it was the last person I expected to see, standing out in the cold, hands shoved in his pockets.

“Thomas, it’s late what are you doing here?” I ask the blue-eyed man standing in front of me. His shoulders were hunched a little indicating something had happened. Feeling bad, I hopped aside allowing him inside the shop. “Is there something you need? Did something happen?”

“Just needed to get away. My family hates me” He sighed running a hand down his face. Removing his peaked cap, he tossed it onto the front desk following it to rest both hands along the edge inhaling deeply, his head hanging low. A million thoughts probably racing through his head. “They believe I betrayed them, went back on my word”

“Well, did you?” I asked quietly, standing uncomfortably behind him. The wooden crutches digging into my underarms, but I was afraid to move. I didn’t want to see him angry again not here, not in what I considered a safe place.

“No” He spoke with a sad laugh. Shaking his head, he stood up straight turning to face me, hurt in his eyes. I felt my heart break for him, he looked generally hurt and upset by whatever had happened between his family and himself. “I never go back on my word Stace. Even when it includes fuckers like Freddie Thorne.” He spat, his voice rising slightly when he mentioned Freddie’s name. Biting onto his bottom lip, he shook his head. “I’ve been betrayed”

“It wasn’t me, I don’t…I don’t even know…I…” I reply immediately stumbling over my words, as I tried to assert my innocence. Was that why he was here? Did he believe I had something to do with whatever went on tonight? Did he think I betrayed him?

“I know, I know it wasn’t you Stace” He assured reaching forward, his hands resting on my upper arms, gently rubbing them up and down as he looked down at me. “You’d never hurt me like that. I know that.” He breathed, his eyes jumping from my lips back to my eyes.

I felt my breath hitch in my throat as he leaned closer, slowly. His eyes staring into mine, looking for any sign that I didn’t want this, but I did. I hated myself for wanting the feel of his lips on mine especially after what happened in the Garrison earlier today. He had scared me, upset me.

 I shouldn’t want this but I couldn’t resist it.

Reaching forward myself, I placed my lips against his softly, my eyes fluttering shut as butterflies erupted through my body. With the green light, Thomas pushed himself against me. His hands went around my back to hold me steady as he held our bodies together. Letting go over the crutches, they fell to the floor was a loud clash causing me to pull away to look where they landed.

I was at his mercy now.

Using one of his hands, he placed a hand under my chin pulling my face back to his, his lips attaching themselves once again only this time, hungrier. I ran my hands up his chest, over his waistcoat and shirt, resting them on his shoulders as his tongue entered my mouth. Feeling myself getting excited, I couldn’t stop the moans from leaving my throat.

Pulling away for air, his lips continued to attack along my jaw before working their way to my neck. There was an ache in between my legs, I knew what it was, but I wasn’t going to give into it no matter how good it felt. His lips on my neck were making me delirious, I could barely concentrate.

“We should…we should…” I tried to speak but I couldn’t, my mind turning to completely mush. One of his hands held me against him while his other grabbed my hip pushing it forward so our hips smashed together.

“We should stop, eh?” He laughed breathily in my ear, his nose nuzzling the outer shell as I nodded my head. “Yeah, we should stop” He nodded pulling away slightly.

Part of me expected him to just let me fall but he didn’t. He circled his arm around my waist, helping me to my chair before bending down and picking up my crutches, placing them next to me on the table for when I had to get up again.

“You never did tell me what happened” He stated moving Polly’s dress off the other chair in my section, the boot box revealing itself on again. His eyes flickering from the box to me, bending down he took it into his hands. “Did you not like them?” He asked, taking the chair in one hand and moving it next to mine, placing the box on the floor and opening it.

“I’m ashamed to say I forgot about them. Father gave me John’s clientele and I got so excited, my second official client” I tell him honestly, unsure of how he would take it but if I had learned something about Thomas Shelby over the last few days was, he didn't mess around. He liked things straight and upfront.  “I do like them Thomas, they are beautiful, but you didn’t have to buy me boots.”

“It was my fault your shoes got dirty, only fair” He nodded reaching down in the box pulling the left boot from the box, inspecting it.

“Thomas, they couldn’t have been cheap”

“Money wasn’t an option” He replied holding up the boot in his hand. “Much more practically than those other shoes around here”

“Probably” I agreed with him a smile on my face. “Thomas what are you doing?” I asked as soon as he was on his knee, removing the T- Bar shoe from my left foot.

“What does it look like eh?” He asked with a laugh, placing the boot on my foot. They fit perfectly which scared me, how did he know my shoe size?

My foot felt warm in the boot and coming into the winter that was exactly what I needed. I couldn't help but admiring the left boot, I could tell they were real leather, black, reaching a few inches above my ankle. The heel not much bigger than the ones on my T-Bar shoes, the laces adding an elegant touch.

The man did good.

“They really are perfect Thomas, thank you” I tell him, trying to hide the blush as my thoughts ran wild in my head. I had a man on his knee in front of me. Something I had only dreamt about. And having Thomas Shelby as that man, had me giddy inside.

“You’re welcome” He nodded, getting up and taking his seat. I lifted my gaze from my foot when I felt his eyes on me. “Ada had her baby tonight at John’s wedding.”

“So, you’re an uncle? Congratulations” I smiled, unsure of why he had said the words so solemnly. “Wait did you say John’s wedding? Your brother John got married?”

“Yes, this afternoon. Bit of a surprise for him but it had to be done. I needed to settle a war with the Lee family” He nodded reaching into his jacket pocket, pulling out his cigarette case and matches. He danced the tip along his lips before striking the match and lighting it. “They're the ones who almost killed our Finn, putting a bomb in me car”

“And you married your brother into that family?” I asked, eyes widening at his confession. Surely if someone tried to kill someone in your family you wouldn’t want them as family. Or was that just to sane for the Peaky Blinders?

“It was a business deal, John was available” Thomas added coldly. Within a matter of minutes, he had reverted back to his frosty, aloof self. It amazed me how quickly he could change personalities. It was he had a switch and he used it only when he needed to.

“But you’re available Thomas? Why didn’t you marry to end the war?”

“John needed a wife to help with his kids. The woman needed a husband, settle her wild ways” He replied calmy as if it was the most normal thing in the world. “It wouldn’t have been beneficial for anyone if it were me”

“Is that the only reason you married John off?” I asked, taking a chance to push him to open up to me more.

“There were other reasons” He nodded glancing over at me, a small smile on his face but he was quick to hid it sucking on the end of his cigarette.

“So, there was a wedding and a baby? So much to celebrate, why are you here instead of with your family?”

“Like I said, they believe I betrayed them. Went back on my word” He stated coldly. “Someone told the police Freddie Throne was at our home for the birth of his new-born son. They took him…”

“And your family think it was you who told the police?” I asked trying to piece together the information. I wasn’t stupid. I knew who Freddie Throne was. He was at the top of the police wanted list. He was a well-known communist, convincing many factory workers to join his cause. Thomas nodded his head, looking into my eyes. “But you didn’t”

“No”

“I believe you” I tell him with a small smile on my face, it wasn’t a lie, and it wasn’t to make him feel better. Looking into his eyes tonight, I could tell he was telling the truth, he was opening up to me. “I broke my foot kicking a wall” I tell him with an eye roll, trying to lighten the mood.

“What?” He asked unable to stop a laugh.

“Yeah, I kicked a wall. I have a temper, the wall was my outlet” I laugh with him shaking my head, I felt his hand on my thigh, his eyes staring into mine, twinkling with amusement as I spoke.

“That wasn’t very smart Stace”

“Neither is falling for a gangster”

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