#I SWEAR ITS THERE ITS JSUT OUT OF MY REACH

[stitchwraith-stingers]

ok wait i dont really have the words to describe it so im putting it out there and hoping that someone will properly decode what im trying to say but bare with me i promise i have something going on i just cant form cohesive sentences

ive been thinking about the scene in operation birthday takeback where after she left the building she immediatly decided to have ice cream when she was trying to reason with him afew seconds ago (and, to me atleast, looking very upset after the fact), and that moment in best of luck where dev was like "i got the shirt and you didnt" hazel took a moment and HEAVILY SIGHED before just going "good job :)"

is it just me or did it seem like she was just, shoving her negative emotions out of the way in those moments? the first one yeah i might be stretching it adimitbly since it could be a kid just not realising the gravity of what she just saw happen to her friend, but the second one? that sigh just had this perticular like, upset-but-dont-want-to-show-it type of thing trying to follow it up with a friendly response on purpose thing going on, to me atleast (though again, i could very well be reaching, because of her genuine confusion shown)

we know that hazel seems to try and keep those types of 'dark' thoughts in her head to the point where her thoughts tower over her and the metaphorical basement shes trapped it under has to have multible locks on it iirc (as seen in stuck in my head) and i think coupled with the fact that she THINKS shes more mature (gestures towards teachers pal and fly) makes me think she thinks that showing being mad or frustrated is just werid? or something like that

obviously she does yell but i dont think ive seen her have a full out "blow out" often (like when she directly ranted to coswan during their second meeting) and the closest thing i can find is again in best of luck when she threw the shirt at him and also rattleconda racers

i dont even fully know what my point is, i think hazel just doesnt like to fully show her negative emotinons?? she has her moments obviously (any episode i can think of has her wish something because she was perticularly upset at somepoint) i dont think she likes arguments????? all that much???? i need someone smarterto help me out here please

[chaitigers]

Im actually jsut gonna do this as a characterbuilding exercise for my BG3 Tav

Ill be updating these as I go, since its a shit ton of questions LMAO but yeah enjoy what I have for now<3

What’s the maximum amount of time your character can sit still with nothing to do? Saturn, since she's a cleric, is quite good at sitting still but only when praying or ordered to do so, if she isnt like- doing somethign that demands her to be still she is incapable of standing or sitting still. shes almost always just swinging her feet, dancing a little or like fidgeting

How easy is it for your character to laugh? Saturn laughs WAY more easily than how easily she should, even during prayer if she thinks of smth funny she will actually just start snickering and then jsut burst out laughing, even if it got her in trouble.

How do they put themselves to bed at night (reading, singing, thinking?) NGL, Saturn just stares up at the sky or cieling until she gives into sleep, she rarely actually does anythign to put herself to sleep, but after meeting Shadownheart and starting a little smth w her she runs her fingers through Shart's hair until they both fall asleep

How easy is it to earn their trust? She's rather trusting as long as you're not a Sharran, she is willing to help and is rather open to any that will hear her and that seem to her like good people

How easy is it to earn their mistrust? It isnt thatv easy for her to stop trusting you, but If you speak ill of her Lady Selune, she will slowly lose trust of you, as well as speaking ill of others she has an attachment to.

Do they consider laws flexible, or immovable? They consider certain laws to be flexible, but they like following them to avoid any trouble for herself or their partners

What triggers nostalgia for them, most often? Do they enjoy that feeling? They dont quite like feeling nostalgic, as she doesnt quite have any memories to be nostalgic of. most of her life was spent in a temple being trained to be a good little cleric of Selune, so memories of prayer, her dreams and just ehr life in the temple are rather trivial to her

What were they told to stop/start doing most often as a child Saturn strived to be the perfect child, so whenever she was told to stop or start doing somthing she immediately tried to correct it, especially if it pertained to her training as a cleric and eventually a High Priestess of Lady Selune.

Do they swear? Do they remember their first swear word? Saturn first swore after getting on the Nautiloid, and was rather apalled at her usage of such language as she was constanly reprimanded if she was to speak that way. She's sworn ever since, adn her first words were "Holy Fucking Shit"

What lie do they most frequently remember telling? Does it haunt them? Saturn is a rather honest person, she only really lies to get her way, like getting into places most of the lies that haunt her are those she's told to her mother and teh other selunites at her temple, about praying diligently when she was actually sneaking out to play with her magic

How do they cope with confusion (seek clarification, pretend they understand, etc)? She first prays, seeks from answers from her Lady, but if that doesnt work she'll just try and find it out by herself

How do they deal with an itch found in a place they can’t quite reach? Mage hand. Or she gets Shadowheart to screatch that

What color do they think they look best in? Do they actually look best in that color? Saturn thinks they looks best in grays, silvers and blues, which are her Lady's colors. She does look good in them, but she looks stunning in black, deep purples and blues according to a certain someone

What animal do they fear most? Feeling inadequate or losing the favor of her goddess

How do they speak? Is what they say usually thought of on the spot, or do they rehearse it in their mind first? Saturn tries thinking efore she speaks, unless its something that truly deeply upsets them then they will straight up go ballistic and say what they mean copletely honestly

What makes their stomach turn?

Are they easily embarrassed?

What embarrasses them?

What is their favorite number?

If they were asked to explain the difference between romantic and platonic or familial love, how would they do so?

Why do they get up in the morning? 

How does jealousy manifest itself in them (they become possessive, they become aloof, etc)? 

How does envy manifest itself in them (they take what they want, they become resentful, etc)? 

 Is sex something that they’re comfortable speaking about? To whom? 

 What are their thoughts on marriage? 

 What is their preferred mode of transportation? 

 What causes them to feel dread? 

 Would they prefer a lie over an unpleasant truth? 

 Do they usually live up to their own ideals? 

 Who do they most regret meeting? 

 Who are they the most glad to have met? 

 Do they have a go-to story in conversation? Or a joke? 

 Could they be considered lazy? 

 How hard is it for them to shake a sense of guilt? 

 How do they treat the things their friends come to them excited about? Are they supportive? 

Do they actively seek romance, or do they wait for it to fall into their lap? 

Do they have a system for remembering names, long lists of numbers, things that need to go in a certain order (like anagrams, putting things to melodies, etc)? 

What memory do they revisit the most often? 

How easy is it for them to ignore flaws in other people? 

How sensitive are they to their own flaws?

How do they feel about children? 

How badly do they want to reach their end goal? 

If someone asked them to explain their sexuality, how would they do so? 

Uncommon Questions for OCs and their creators:

Send me a # (questions for OCs) or a letter (questions for creators) and I’ll answer

QUESTIONS FOR YOUR OCs

What’s the maximum amount of time your character can sit still with nothing to do?

How easy is it for your character to laugh?

How do they put themselves to bed at night (reading, singing, thinking?)

How easy is it to earn their trust?

How easy is it to earn their mistrust?

Do they consider laws flexible, or immovable?

What triggers nostalgia for them, most often? Do they enjoy that feeling?

What were they told to stop/start doing most often as a child

Do they swear? Do they remember their first swear word?

What lie do they most frequently remember telling? Does it haunt them?

How do they cope with confusion (seek clarification, pretend they understand, etc)?

How do they deal with an itch found in a place they can’t quite reach?

What color do they think they look best in? Do they actually look best in that color?

What animal do they fear most?

How do they speak? Is what they say usually thought of on the spot, or do they rehearse it in their mind first?

What makes their stomach turn?

Are they easily embarrassed?

What embarrasses them?

What is their favorite number?

If they were asked to explain the difference between romantic and platonic or familial love, how would they do so?

Why do they get up in the morning? 

How does jealousy manifest itself in them (they become possessive, they become aloof, etc)? 

How does envy manifest itself in them (they take what they want, they become resentful, etc)? 

 Is sex something that they’re comfortable speaking about? To whom? 

 What are their thoughts on marriage? 

 What is their preferred mode of transportation? 

 What causes them to feel dread? 

 Would they prefer a lie over an unpleasant truth? 

 Do they usually live up to their own ideals? 

 Who do they most regret meeting? 

 Who are they the most glad to have met? 

 Do they have a go-to story in conversation? Or a joke? 

 Could they be considered lazy? 

 How hard is it for them to shake a sense of guilt? 

 How do they treat the things their friends come to them excited about? Are they supportive? 

Do they actively seek romance, or do they wait for it to fall into their lap? 

Do they have a system for remembering names, long lists of numbers, things that need to go in a certain order (like anagrams, putting things to melodies, etc)? 

What memory do they revisit the most often? 

How easy is it for them to ignore flaws in other people? 

How sensitive are they to their own flaws?

How do they feel about children? 

How badly do they want to reach their end goal? 

If someone asked them to explain their sexuality, how would they do so? 

QUESTIONS FOR CREATORS

A) Why are you excited about this character? B) What inspired you to create them? C) Did you have trouble figuring out where they fit in their own story? D) Have they always had the same physical appearance, or have you had to edit how they look? E) Are they someone you would get along with? Would they get along with you? F) What do you feel when you think of your OC (pride, excitement, frustration, etc)? G) What trait of theirs bothers you the most? H) What trait do you admire most? I) Do you prefer to keep them in their canon universe? J) Did you have to manipulate or exclude canon factors to allow them to create their character?

[svnaslove]

cuddles. II

Genre: fluff !! and chaos 😔 !!

Characters: Kishoshita, Narita, Kageyama, Hinata, Tsukishima, Yamaguchi

warnings: uhm.. yams’ part is a lil suggestive 😳

#7 | Hisashi Kinoshita | 木下

kinoshita !!

chile let me take a moment to breathe because he’s so underrated but idk how because this man is so pretty !! and kind !! and respectful !!

im about to bark

n e ways

he’s a lil insecure bub🥺

since he sits alot i feel like that did a little something to his confidence :((

but it also made him more aware of his surroundings and he’s very very supportive !!

when you first said you wanted to cuddle he was like

“😳 y-you wanna cuddle?”

kinda scared to at first because he doesn’t know what to do lsjfdls

so you guys started small like just leaning on each other, then laying on each others laps and then full on cuddle sessions <3

he’s so fcking cute !!

if your hair’s long, he ties it up while you’re cuddling so it doesn’t get in the way for you 🥺

if anything he’s trying to make sure you have a good time when cuddling more then himself

#8 | Kazuhito Narita | 成田

cutie !!

again, another v underrated boi, imma cri real quick

he’s literally the cutest ever

he was the first to initiate cuddles and it was so cuteee

he went in to give you a hug while you were standing in the kitchen and he was just like “i miss you :(”

he was touch-starved😭

but then he just...

didn’t let go DSFJLKDS

“kazu, baby, do you want to cuddle?”

HIS EYES LIT UP, HE GOT SO EXCITED

but then he got bashful,,, “if you want to....then i want to too... “

“dummy, i saw how excited you got, let’s go cuddle”

literally happy boi, just trailing after you to the bed to cuddle :))

holds u so tight >.<

but a comfy tight :)

#9 | Tobio Kageyama |影山

my heart goes out to kageyama this absolute baby😭

he’s so awkward because he doesn’t know how to initiate anything and the only thing he’s ever thought about is volleyball

it’s to the point where he has this weird feeling that he just wants to hold you but he doesn’t know how to ask ??

and sometimes he doesn’t know what it is either so he’ll be like, “damn, maybe if i drink some milk, this odd feeling will go away”

spoiler alert: the milk does not help 💔

heart 💔 been broke 📉 so many times ⏰ i don’t know 🤔 what to believe 💯 mama 👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩 said 🗣 it’s my fault 😢 it’s my fault 🤦🏻‍♀️i wear my heart ❤️ on my sleeve 💪 

so one day you guys are just late night watching tv together and you’re both under the blanket and he’s like “damn, here’s that weird feeling again”

and he just

stares

he just stares at you because he doesn’t know how to ask because he’s scared to feel embarrassed

you feel him looking and you just turn to him like

“😳 hello?”

literally this pretty ass boy is just staring at you and you’re freaking out and he has no self realization and you’re just there, mad blushing

he gets all blushy too and looks away 

SLKDFJLSDJF

“im sorry :(”

then he can’t take it anymore

he stares again 😭

“ 😳 tobio, do you need something?”

“c-can we cuddle?”

THIS CUTIE SLDKFJSDLKF

and you’re like oH, THAT’S WHY HE WAS STARING AT ME LIKE THAT

“yeah, come here”

you hold out your arms and he just goes to your arms

you’ll be laying on your back and he’s laying on your stomach 

and you’ll just play with his hair and hum and he just feels so relaxed and he just takes in your scent and gets smiley sometimes 

and now every time he just stares at you, you know that he wants to cuddle, its just a non-verbal agreement now fldsjsljf

bonus:

this position of cuddling with him was the first time he told you that he loved you 🥺

you were just the only person that could keep him grounded, and when he’s like that with you he just feels so at peace and he just realized out of nowhere that he fell in love with you 🥺

#10 | Hinata Shoyou | 日向

🥺 🥺 🥺  !!!

so baby !!

he can’t stop smiling when you guys are about to cuddle

like his cheeks are hurting !! and he’s still like :DD

like nishinoya, he would tickle you too but it wouldn’t go as far as a tickle fight, just a little something to get you to giggle 

squeals “you’re so cuteeee” ALOT

he will squish your cheeks

honestly, at this point, you guys’ cuddles are more like both of you just laying next to each other really close face to face, some limbs intertwined and just squishing each others cheeks, tickling here and there and just tracing each others features

literally about to cry, the puppy love energy is astronomical 😭

count each others beauty marks, i just feel like that is def something that would happen one day lfkjs

silly faces !!

he compliments you all the time like “you’re so prettyy 🥺” but when you compliment him he’s like

“wait🤚 😳 , u talking about me?? 😳” will blush so hard he will blackout

he’ll have to hide his face into like the crook of your neck because he’s all blushy 

#11 | Kei Tsukishima | 月島

i hate him with so much love

does that make sense

yes, it does.

will tease the HELL out of you when you show that you want to cuddle

gets all smug too😤

but tbh he just does that because he just gets wayyy too excited and his hearts all chaos

it’s his coping mechanism for being a simp 🤡

so he’ll just play with you

“oh? you wanna cuddle? hmm, i don’t know, ask me again in 5 minutes”

MF I SWEAR I WILL CLIMB U

also he gets way into that “hmmm” as if he’s thinking really hard about it SDLKJFSDLK

then you get all pouty and leave and he’s like 

“IM JUST KIDDING JESUS WHERE ARE YOU GOING”

he let his simp side show 😔 r.i.p. ur pride tsukki

and you’re shocked, like where tf did tsukki go?? this ain’t him fkjsd

so you mess with him too

“oh? so you wanna cuddle with me now? hmm, i don’t know, you were kinda mean to me earlier, maybe i’ll just ask tadashi or something.”

you’re literally reaching for your car keys and walking out of your apartment and he just 

*SWOOP*

this tree ass mf swooped you out of the floor over his shoulder earning a loud and embarrassing yelp from you and just carries you to bed

“you’re not going anywhere, don’t be an idiot”

puts you on top of the bed and just lays on top of you to keep you from moving anywhere

“KEI THIS IS NOT COMFORTABLE I CAN’T BREATHE”

“then stop being weird saying you’re going to cuddle other people and cuddle me already dumbass”

gets off and you guys lay comfortably together

“i hate you kei” ~in a playful manner ofc <3

“i know” *gives you a kiss on your forehead* 🥺

#12 | Tadashi Yamaguchi | 山口

i will violently *🥺* for yamaguchi any day, everyday

i love him so much he’s just so 🥺 🥺 !!

ok !!

so cuddling with yamaguchi is the softest experience any human could ever go through

he so soft ???

he’s so sweet ???

he’s so cute ???

he’s so respectful ???

im in love.

will always be asking if somethings okay, if you’re alright, if you’re comfy, if he’s doing anything wrong

but it’s never in an overbearing way, it’s more in a reassuring way !

he was def awkward the first time but he just got more comfy with you over time

but that doesn’t mean he still doesn’t get all blushy and a lil nervous on where to put his hands because he does

he just wants to know if you’re okay, he doesn’t want to accidently make you uncomfortable

but uhm....

one day...

you two were cuddling

and everything was going good, everything was just fine

in fact, he didn’t even need to ask if you were okay or comfy etc,, because he just knows what you like now and he can tell from your body language

but uhm...

you were cuddling, you were the little spoon and he was the big spoon 

and you just wanted to get closer

so you nuzzled back into him 

and he just

froze.

“tadashi? what’s wrong?”

“uhhhh.....”

literally his face is so red 

and then...

u felt it.

you tense up too and you’re face is starting to get red and you’re like 

“uhh.....is ....that...?”

yamaguchi looks like he’s about to cry lsdfkjs

“IM SORRY, I CAN’T CONTROL IT, YOU JSUT FJSDKL YOU BACKED INTO ME AND IT JSUT DID IT IM SORRY”

literally already standing up ready to run out of there

but then 😳

you just grab his wrist n you’re like

“let me help”

his v*rgin brain just short circuits like $(*#$)(#@*#*)$(@#*$)(@#$*

R.I.P. Yamaguchi Tadashi 2020

damn we already lost daichi and now we lost yams too  😔🕊️ fly high

TOBE FLYYYY HIIIIGHHHH ASE TOTHIDONARIDADE

HIKARU SUBASEYO IMA ZENBU ZENBU FLYYYYYYYY

*raw guitar riffs going WIIUM WIIUM WAUUM WAUUM WIIUM*

Part I: Daichi, Sugawara, Asahi, Nishinoya, Tanaka, Ennoshita

Part II: Kinoshita, Narita, Kageyama, Hinata, Tsukishima, Yamaguchi

Part III: Kiyoko, Yachi, Ukai Keishin, Takeda

Part IV: Saeko Tanaka, Akiteru Tsukishima, Shimada, Takinoue

[misablr]

KARASUNO AS: songs from my saved songs & playlists.

cw/ some sex songs? uh swearing and a little bit of chaotic energy

a/n i saw this post by the lovely @amphii-writes while scrolling through tags so i decided to do one similar!! i’ll be doing each team and (trying) to give them all their own songs ! might explain might not lol it’s a lot of people and i’m lazy

•••

𝗱𝗮𝗶𝗰𝗵𝗶 𝘀𝗮𝗺𝘂𝘄𝗮𝗿𝗮- raro by chino y nacho.

it’s about two people being polar opposites and being in love and not really giving a shit if people care lol and idk that also gives me daichi vibes. also like he very much would be the type that would go with someone who’s a little different than him because he wants to know what makes them shine so bright and he just is so intrigued.

𝘀𝘂𝗴𝗮𝘄𝗮𝗿𝗮 𝗸𝗼𝘀𝗵𝗶- leviathan by g-easy

listen. suga is very much a double edged sword type of person. you get the sweet but fuck with him too much and he will literally eat you. this song also just slaps? i feel like he’s the type to listen to rap if he runs or works out idk why that’s a random hc i have of him.

𝗮𝘀𝗮𝗵𝗶 𝗮𝘇𝘂𝗺𝗮𝗻𝗲- love by kendrick lamar

asahi is a very soft person, and this song has always made me very <<<333 but like i could see this song softly playing in the background while he’s with his s/o staring at them with the most loving eyes and just wanting to hold them forever and the song has questions in it if they would stay no matter what and i feel like that’s very asahi.

𝗻𝗶𝘀𝗵𝗶𝗻𝗼𝘆𝗮 𝘆𝘂- kitty by rich brian

HELP THIS SONG IS SO CHAOTIC SHDGSJSH and it completely 100% reminds me of nishinoya. it also goes hard i very much am <<33 about this song yes it’s one of my fave rich brian songs but yes it’s chaotic but also funny?? idk noya vibes me thinks

𝘁𝗮𝗻𝗮𝗸𝗮 𝗿𝘆𝘂𝗻𝗼𝘀𝘂𝗸𝗲- a lot by 21 savage

goodbye. idk how to even explain this it’s so self explanatory. it goes hard. i love this song. i love him. the end. IDK ITS THE VIBES YK???

𝗲𝗻𝗻𝗼𝘀𝗵𝗶𝘁𝗮 𝗰𝗵𝗶𝗸𝗮𝗿𝗮- comfort crowd by conan gray

HELLO!???!?!? literally this song is like my free therapy along with some others but anyways not the point- the point IS this song is so him? like it’s about conan’s best friends and the comfort he feels with him and ennoshita just has that aura about him which is why he’s seen as reliable even if he is on the quieter side he does help anyone when needed i love him that’s all.

𝗸𝗶𝗻𝗼𝘀𝗵𝗶𝘁𝗮 𝗵𝗶𝘀𝗮𝘀𝗵𝗶- ros by mac miller

THIS SONG. KINOSHITA. goodbye 🚶🏽‍♀️ he literally is there for the team ros. this song. i love him so much GRRR JSHDHSJSNSK I LITERALLY CANT EVEN LIKE EXPLAIN IT IT JUST FITS? i’m not gonna put any spoilers bc some people haven’t watched s4 but yummy i love s4 period. also. he’s so supportive of the team and cheers them on no matter what and i just ): i love him.

𝗻𝗮𝗿𝗶𝘁𝗮 𝗸𝗮𝘇𝘂𝗵𝗶𝘁𝗼- greek god by conan gray

are we sensing a theme here. anyways. narita is a pretty calm person and is pretty levelheaded and yeah greek god is a big fuck u i don’t give a shit song and idk why but i see the vibes? maybe because i secretly want to be greek god but instead i’m crush culture anyways yes.

𝘁𝗼𝗯𝗶𝗼 𝗸𝗮𝗴𝗲𝘆𝗮𝗺𝗮- kill our way to heaven by michl

the way this song makes me go brrrr in the head!! anyways, kags would do anything to reach his goals, and do whatever it takes for him to reach it and wouldn’t stop at anything. i feel like this song fits that really well?? also i could see him having this on his running playlist and just trying to motivate himself as much as possible.

𝗵𝗶𝗻𝗮𝘁𝗮 𝘀𝗵𝗼𝘆𝗼- dance with me by sir, please

i actually love this song so much!! it’s a very cute song and just the beat reminds me of hinata so much? very upbeat and the lyrics are grr <3 i feel like he would throw a dance party for you while blasting this song or blaring it on a road trip and jsut giving you the biggest smile.

𝘁𝘀𝘂𝗸𝗶𝘀𝗵𝗶𝗺𝗮 𝗸𝗲𝗶- stfu by mansionz

so. idk i feel like the title is very self explanatory. HDGSJSJ yes. tsukishima🤝 me// telling people to stfu!! anyways i feel like this fits it’s very like stfu leave me alone anyways he’s bae

𝘆𝗮𝗺𝗮𝗴𝘂𝗰𝗵𝗶 𝘁𝗮𝗱𝗮𝘀𝗵𝗶- saturday nights by khalid

this song gives me so much warmth and comfort and literally for WHAT. but it’s such a dashi song,, he would 100% be there for you and listen to you rant and be by your side no matter WHAT. i love this man ): just look at his friendship with tsukishima and tell me this man wouldn’t try to make you feel better no matter what ):

[oneletteredwondered]

Kiss me you animal

Sum: dance like no one is watching

Pair: Virgil/Remus, Dukexiety

Written for @dukexietyweek Day 5: Music

Warnings: song!fic, probably swearing, mild anxious feelings, MCR.

--

Remus is bored. Which is never a good thing on it’s own. But he’s also bored and lonely. He wants to do something with someone but he isn’t sure what he wants to do either which make him more frustrated with being bored and lonely. He groans to himself and the walls around him shudder with the force. He’s so bored he actually walks down stairs to the common area instead of just sinking through the ceiling and landing with a crash like he usually does.

The common room is dark, and dingy, and a little messy, but most certainly lived in and loved by its occupants. Remus kind of likes it that way, make it easier to hide stuff in the cushions to be found later for a well awaited prank.

This time the room is not empty. For once in a blue moon Virgil is on the couch, curled up in a tight ball of a blanket with his headphones on. Remus twists his nose up at him in greeting and Virgil flips him off in return. As he passes by he catches the sound of music coming from the headphones and an idea strikes him.

With an easy snap of his fingers, the music stops in the headphones and plays from loudspeakers now lining the top of the room. Some bright colored lights flood the floor and Virgil jumps out of his skin at the sudden new loudness.

“Remus what the fuck dude!” Virgil cries out but it’s too late, Remus is already headbanging wildly to the song playing and not caring for anything else, screaming the lyrics loudly.

“Drugs, gimme drugs, gimme drugs, I don't need it, but I'll sell what you got, take the cash and I'll keep it!” 

He gesutres wildly to Virgil who is still looking at him like he’s crazy which to be fair Virgil does a lot but this seems more directed this time. Remus hops over the couch towards him and Virgil jumps back and hits the wall, skittering up like a spider.

“Eight legs to the wall, hit the gas, kill them all, and we crawl, and we crawl, and we crawl! You be my detonator!” Virgil lets out a snort but stays safe on the wall for while longer as Remus belts out the lyrics and shakes the entire common space with the force of his passion. He thrashes about, not ruining anything but certinaly causing a disruption. He spies Virgil whispering along to the lyrics as well and decides that just won't do. He slides to stop in front of Virgil with his hands out and an inviting smile.

“Gimme more, gimme more, gimme more, shut up and sing it with me!” He yanks Virgil down and pulls him into a weird spinning jumping sort of dance, no ryhme or reason, just pure movement. He’s screaming along to one part of the song while Virgil does the chorus slowly getting louder and louder. The general air of tension Virgil keeps close around him is slowly dissolving. He's laughing as he sings and the smile he wears is one Remus does not see often.

It’s a hidden sort of thing, because Virgil is all of the fears and worries, and one is that his smile looks weird or bad. But it’s here now that smile, and Virgil looks so unashamed to show it that it makes Remus even more crazy.

“More, gimme more, gimme more!” Remus spins Virgil away from him and hops up on the table.

“Oh, let me tell you about the sad man!” He makes a crying motion with his hands, his outfit shifting to pastel blue and grey, a mockery of Patton. Virgil snorts and turns away from him but Remus is faster he slides in front of Virgil and now dorns yellow and black.

“ Shut up and let me see your jazz hands,” He echos and Virgil does the jazz hands with him with no shame.

“Remember when you were a madman," Blue and black and glasses, and a crazed expression has Virgil busting out laughing.

“Thought you was Batman!” Something blindingly red and Virgil is pushing him away only to rock his head back and forth to the music.

“Hit the party with a gas can! Kiss me, you animal!” Virgil shouts the lyrics and Remus feels like ice water was dumped down his spine as Virgil keeps recklessly singing the lyrics. A sudden part of him wants to. Wants to kiss this wild Virgil who looks carefree and happy and for once not worrying what someone else thinks about him. Remus wants so badly.

So he gets closer as the song reaches a lull and back to back they rasie their hands, palms up with their fingers pointed to the sky, pressing into each other for support and energy, feeling the buzz between each other as the song begins to pick up again.

They turn and face each other screaming out the lyrics. Smiles on both their faces.

"Everybody wants to change the world, but no one, no one, wants to die, wanna try, wanna try, wanna try, wanna try, wanna try, now-!"

They head bang in time to the music, a miracle they don't bang into each other with the building force of their movements. Remus can see multitudes in Virgil’s eyes as he screams.

"I'll be your detonator!” And the music gets louder by Remus’s doing. It pounds in his ear drums as they both dance haphazardly to the music, jumping on the couch and table, kicking over a chair or two just because they can.

Remus sees Virgil laughing and looking so free of worries for the first time in a long time and he can’t stand to be away from him any longer. He dahes forward and right as the lyrics pick back up he hoists Virgil up in his arms and spins him about

“Na, na, na, na, na, na, na, na, na, na, na, na, na!” They shout to the ceiling and Remus drops Virgil back to his feet, making sure to keep one hand on him as much as possible, gripping his fingers, hand on his shoulder, pressed up against his side or back. Remus needs to be closer to him, to somehow let Virgil know this wild side of him is welcome, wanted, beautiful.

They end face to face, hair in their eyes and cheeks red with the force of their yelling. The two of them barely breathing enough to continue but they do if nothing else than out of pure spite.

“I'd rather go to hell! Than be in a purgatory!” Remus screams.

“Cut my hair, gag and bore me!” Virgil shouts back at him.

“Pull this pin!” Remus grabs Virgil by the waist and spins him, dropping him into a dip.

“Let this world explode!” Virgil breathes out the last lyric, letting his hand fall down to the ground with his head back, Remus being the only thing keeping him from falling to the ground. 

The sound of their panting fills the room as the speakers Remus put up melt into puddles and disappear. Silence surrounds them and with a small squeaking cackle, Remus hoists Virgil back to a proper standing postion but doesn't remove his hands from Virgil's waist. Virgil is still smiling and laughing, shaking his head at his own enjoyment and Remus doesn't want to let him go for a second.

But then Virgil looks at him, the smile on his face slowly falling away as he realizes the position they’re in and what he jsut did.

“Uh-” Virgil says eloquently and weasels his way out of Remus’s hands. He rubs his arms and shrinks, and just like that, the sudden explosion of who he was is gone leaving Remus whiplashed. Virgil moves to walk away.

“Where you going?” Remus asks him, trailing like a lost dog. Virgil gives him a grimace.

“Away form here,” Virgil says and before Remus can do anything else Virgil sinks out leaving him hollow and definitely missing something. Remus spins in a circle looking at the upturned room from their dancing. 

They were having fun. Laughing, getting along, and Remus didn't bring out any kind of intestines or bugs or anything. It was fun and Virgil was smiling and looking so alive and now it's gone and Remus doesn’t know why.

Now he's, bored, certainly lonely, and confused.

With a twist in his mouth he sinks out to Virgil's room, except he pops up in front of Virgil's purple door and not inside like he intended meaning Virgil has locked it.

“Oh Virgey! Let me in!” Remus coos and knocks on the door quickly. There’s a muffled 'no' from the other side that makes Remus pout.

“Little pig little pig let me in!” He tries again. This time no answer at all. Remus tilts his head to the side with a crack and waves his hand at the door, willing it to open for him. It does and he steps inside.

“Seriously dude?” Virgil snaps at him because they both know that Remus knows that Virgil doesn't like when he breaks into his room. He sits up on his bed and Remus closes the door behind him with a kick.

“What just happned.” He demands. Virgil glares at him.

“What are you talk-”

“We were having fun, and dancing and singing and having fun and you just left.” Remus accuses of him angrily. Virgil slinks down at his words, not looking at Remus as he does.

“It's nothing dude just forget about it.” Virgil turns away from him and flops to his bed, putting his back towards Remus. Remus’s blood boils and he can feel the steam coming out of his nose when he exhales.

“No.” He says decidedly and stalks forward. Virgil twists just enough to see him coming but Remus is faster, landing on Virgil's bed with both his hands smacking down on either side of Virgil's head to trap him down.

“We were having fun, what happened.” He asks again. Virgil shifts uncomfortably under him, the feeling of being trapped starting to edge on his anxiety. The shadows of the room twist and creep closer but Remus glares them back with a look.

“It’s just- I don't know! We were so exposed out there and- it probably looked super fucking dumb I don't know!” Virgil scrambles for words and Remus lets out another smokey exhale.

“You know I don't give a shit what you do or what you look like right?” He deadpans. Virgil freezes and stares at him. Remus arcs an eyebrow at the confused expression.

“Out of all the people to not give a fuck how you look, I am probably the best bet,” Remus says a little softer this time, gently easing back so Virgil is less trapped but still beneath him. Virgil relaxes a little and covers his mouth with his hand.

“I know that, I do , it's just.. hard to remember sometimes. Because of, the whole-” Virgil gestures to himself as a whole and Remus rolls his eyes so hard they fall out of his head and across the floor. He shakes his head and new eyes appear in the sockets, an electric purple just for Virgil.

“Listen raggedy anx, I don't give a flying fuck,” He says and grabs Virgil's hand from across his mouth. He knows how embarrassed Virgil is by his smile, a common fear for many, but not for Remus.

“-About any of that shit.” Carefully he brings Virgil's hand to his face and kisses his palm. He feels Virgil still below him but he doesn't stop. He feels a burning inside him and he's never really learned how to call it quits before.

“I liked seeing you act all crazy and wild. I liked seeing you smile and having fun. I liked that you were having fun with me. How many more times do I need to say it?” Remus asks him then, glaring from over Virgil's hand still pressed to his face. He’d say it seven million more times if needed. Virgil swallows hard and Remus zeros in on the action hungrily.

“Maybe.. maybe a few more times wouldn't hurt?” Virgil chokes out, embarrassed about wanting the attention but Remus isn’t. He smirks wildly.

“I liked hearing you sing, i liked hearing you scream, i liked seeing you kick over a chair” HE says and Virigl snorts and attemps cover his mouth with his hand but Remus is still holding it and ends up squeezing their hands together.

“I like seeing you smile I like seeing you be happy, I like seeing you having fun,” Remus goes on and Virgil is giggling hysterically now unsure of how to respond to the affection. 

“I like hearing you laugh.. I like seeing you beanth me," Here Remus wiggles his eyebrows and Virgil takes the nearest pillow to shove in his face in a peel of laughter. Remus shoves it out of the way and dives forward, scooping Virgil in his arms and shaking his head into Virgil's chest. He can hear Virgil's heart beating and the shakiness of his breathing but he's alive in his hands and it sends him reeling.

“I like you,” He pops up to look at Virgil. Virgil's smile slips off to a bewildered expression. Remus stares back at him. And since he’s never thought anything through in his life, Remus shifts a hand out from under Virgil to place on his cheek to hold him steady and kiss him.

Virgil lets out a shaky exhale of a noise through his nose that Remus can feel on his cheek but it doesn't stop him, especially not when Virgil’s tension of existing seems to melt away. So he kisses a little longer until Virgil gently places a hand on his chest and pushes him back. He stares down as Virgil catches his breath.

“I liked that,” Remus says then. Virgil looks up at him, a lopsided smile crosses his face.

“It was. It was alright,” Virgil tells him but there’s a hint of smirk there that has Remus buzzing.

“Can I do it again?” Remus asks and shimmies a little in excitment. Virgil snorts and almost, almost covers his mouth with his hand, but thinks twice and moves it to the back of Remus’s head to scratch at the base of his neck. Remus lets out a grumbling purr at the action.

“I guess you can, if you want.” Virgil tells him.

“Do you want?” Remus asks. Virgil bites his lip and Remus decides he too, would like to bite Virgil's lip.

“Yeah, I.. yeah I would like that.” Remus scrunches his nose.

“Are you sure?” He doesn't want Virgil to tighten up or fall back into his shell now. Virgil huffs at him and tugs him down just a little.

“Kiss me you animal.” And no sooner do the words leave his mouth is Remus dropping down again to kiss him, getting Virgil's lower lip between his teeth and nipping at it playfully. 

They spend the rest of the day curled up around each other in Virgil's bed, kissing and teasing each other over stupid things and Remus is wiggling happily. He’s no longer bored, or confused, and certainly not lonely.

[friiday-thirteenth]

guys im bored hear abt how i broke my arm. TW for broken bones, dissassociation, vomiting, drugs and needles. Also this is like. Therapy. Idk.

weird thing about it was that i was feeling intense happiness, because I’d just confirmed my classes for the next year and i was jsut. Really happy.

So i did this little twirly thing??? idk. Anyway, my ankle went out under my, i put my hand back and crack.

I know there was a definite seperation between the before and after of this. Like, the adrenaline made it feel like I was aware of everything.

After I fell, and after the crack, I stood up fast. I didn’t realise my wrist was fucked until I saw it - and it wasn’t a compound fracture, the skin was still unbroken. But it looked fucking nasty. It was supposed to be held straight, but the wrist was shifted.... up. And it was floppy, but I could control it if I wanted to be in immense amounts of pain.

I started walking over to my P.E. teacher. I said his name once, really loudly - and then he didn’t hear me, so I kept walking. I was cradling my wrist against my body at this point, and I just needed to move. It helped distract from my pain at that point.

When I reached him and he saw my wrist he was like fuck. He didn’t say it, but I could see it, and he said, “ Okay, we need to get you to the sickbay and call your parents.”

Okay, this happened before that when I was walking over. One of the people who was around me had walked beside me and was asking questions, and I straight up said, “Ruby, if you don’t walk away right now, I will either scream or burst into tears and scream, please go away.” I couldn’t handle anyone being near me.

Then when we were walking off the turf (where we were doing P.E. that day, as opposed to the gym.) one of the guys saw my arm and was like holy shit and I’m 99% sure I just looked at him with a really worried look. My face was going white I’m pretty sure, which is weird because I’m naturally flushed quite a lot of the time.

We had to walk up stairs. That fucking sucked. The pain was fine whenever it wasn’t jolting me, and we were walking fast, so you can imagine how I was trying to be very careful.

I’m 99% sure I was terrified that I was going to tip over again, and that would’ve hurt. I was just focusing on staying on my feet.

We got to the office/sickbay and they sat me down. I made myself get my retainer out of my mouth because it was.... foreign. I was going to - I’d say have a panic attack, but I’m not sure that’s the correct name for it - do something bad if I kept it in, because there was something already wrong with me and I just couldn’t handle it.

Also I asked if I could swear. Like, “Um, would it be okay if I, uh, swore?” and the person in there with me looked at me like wtf child and said i could.

Later, one of the teachers who’d walked by told me that they had no idea I had that filthy a mouth on me. Swearing helped a lot.

They made me put my wrist in this makeshift sling thing, which made me want to fucking cry. They sent someone to get my bag, and I told them to leave as soon as they’d gotten it, because I couldn’t handle any of my peers seeing my like that. probably because I felt extremely vulnerable.

I never swore at anyone. I can remember not wanting to, because I didn’t feel that they deserved it? Like, I didn’t want to take my pain out on them. Very strange.

They didn’t give me any panadol or nuramol or nurofen (pretty sure that isn’t how you spell it but eh). I can remember that, because they said that it might react badly to whatever drugs they gave me in the hospital.

When my mum got there, we went over to the car and I put my seatbelt on myself bc im independant like that, before I rolled my head back and scream-said to my mother to hurry up please I feel like I’m dying. Because she was talking to my teacher.

At that point I was being a melodramatic shit, because my pain level I think? was a four, unless I moved my arm, then it jolted into a six.

Anyway. I sung/murmured hamilton songs really fast as we drove the like, five minutes to the hospital because that helped distract me from the pain.

When we got to the hospital and the emergency room, we ended up waiting like 20 minutes which were all hell. My dad came at one point and I told mum he needed to leave because I couldn’t handle having him there. Not for any bad reasons, just that I fucking hated dealing with people and if I had to deal with him I’d cry.

I didn’t cry at any point during this, which was weird. I didn’t like that.

Someone gave me two panadol or something, which didn’t help in the least. They got mum to fill out an acc form - I can remember her asking me things. The pain was bad, like a constant throbbing that was there. I’m pretty sure I started not being there at some point during the time I was waiting. It was easier than dealing with it all, because there were people staring at me and my arm and I wanted to scream at them because none of them were as bad as me and why the fuck are you staring at me.

Anyway. When the nurse came - she was really nice - she got me into a room and to sit on a bed, and then we waited for what was maybe half an hour? There was an old guy dying or nearly dying in the room beside mine and I felt like.... weird because of it. It didn’t feel right, that he was dying.

When they got me a doctor - after me scaring the shit out of a nurse who I thought was a doctor  (i still cringe at the memory) - he ws really nice. He was wearing a haiwaiian shirt and was supposed to be going home, and I was quite lucky that they’d caught him as he was leaving.

They got me on some nitrous oxide to calm me down, or to take the pain away.

Now here’s where thigns get a little less linear, I think.

I can’t remember when they put the I.V. in, whether it was before or after the x-ray. The x-ray was hell, because they made me put my munted arm flat on the cold surface of whatever the fuck they were using for the xray. I had dropped the nitrous oxide tube thingy out of my mouth at that point.

The nitrous oxide was nice. It made me feel tired, and when the dude stuck the needle in my arm and then put the I.V. in, I didn’t care about it. I hadn’t been worried before, perse, just uncomfortable because of the whole broken wrist dealie.

Anyway. X-rays. They said I’d broken the tip off my radius. Then the I.V. Then they got an anathesiologist to come in and explain what was going to happen to me.

This whole time they’d explain exactly what they were going to do, because I asked. A lot. I needed to know what was happening so that then I would know what was going on and that was jus tme reiterating what I’d just said ahaha

Anyway. He explained the options, and in the end they decided to give me ketamine.

For those who don’t know, ketamine is a horse tranquilizer. Its also fucking nasty, coming back up from it.

Mum signed a waiver stating that the hospital wasn’t responsible if I died or something.

This was because, as they explained, ketamine shuts off a part of the brain. If too much of it is used, then you die because it shuts off your breathing, your heart, etc. They had shit that would stop that, if anything bad happened. They put electrodes on me at one point. At least, I think that’s what they were called.

They also might’ve upped the dosage, because what could’ve happened was that they fucked up setting my arm the first time, and they had to cut it out and redo it. If they’d redone it, I’d’ve had to go into theatre.

The whole time this was happening I was terrified I was going to out myself to my mum. I have an odd track record of saying weird shit randomly while I’m in pain.

Ketamine also takes you into a dreamland, which is why drug addicts can get addicted. You basically lucid dream, but way more intensely than normal, if you’ve ever ahd a lucid dream. Or it can take you into an absolutely hellish nightmare scape, if you aren’t thinking good things when you go under.

I had neither. I didn’t even know I’d gone under. What happpened was that they put the ketamine in the I.V., and a minute late I was out.

It felt like blinking. When I opened my eyes, it was like in movies where they blink and its a new scene each time.

Blink. They were moving me to the x-ray. My head ached. My eyes wouldn’t focus. Someone was talking about their car.

Blink. They were moving my arm.

Blink. They were moving me back to the room I’d been in.

Every time I moved my head, it just. It was on another side. I couldn’t focus my eyes for three quarters of an hour. I felt tired, and sleepy, and like shit.

Thye got me to sit up at one point. I nearly vomited. They gave me a pill. It was chalky and the taste was nasty.

When they got me to move from the bed to a chair, I vomited.

I hadn’t eaten for longer than six hours, at that point. It was bile coming up. It burnt my throat. I couldn’t stop.

When I forced myself to breathe again and stop vomiting, they gave me water and left me for a minute. They had people they needed to get in the room, I think, so I was trying to move. They got me into a chair in a bit that was in between the x-ray room and where I’d been. Mum talked with someone else who was there with her daughter.

The cast was big and white, because of the type of break. It was heavy and they put me in a sling when I left. I was able to walk straight. They’d been concerned I wouldn’t be. I’m pretty sure I thanked everyone who’d helped, if I saw them.

Mum took me to get subway. Then we went home.

My sibling had broken their arm around about a year and two weeks before I’d broken mine. Their’s had been the two bones in their lower arm. They’d had to go into theatre for it and have trauma around it. My parents won’t get them to go to therapy and they won’t go willingly

When I got home, they had a panic attack or some shit and started screaming at me when I was short at them. Fuck them for that.

I went into a room and started messaging my friends. i videocalled them and showed them my arm. i was acting all stupid and weird about it by being really silly and stuff. I didn’t feel like any of it was happening, even though I knew it was. At some point I found out I had the electrode thingies still on me. I pulled them off.

People were so concerned about me, it was weird. I ended up responding to them individually as opposed to not. Someone thought that it was a joke and that everyone was lying about it. I gave them a play-by-play and they believed it then.

Even weeks after it happened, it still felt vaguely not real. The first time I cried about it was seven days after, when I tried and failed to make homemade macaroni and cheese.

I learnt that the chunk of bone beside the wrist - the one down at the top of the ulna - had completely seperated from the rest of the bone.

All the wrist bones and muscles had pulled back, which was my wrist had been so weird.

Everyone who helped me was really nice. I’m glad that they were nice, because I got told later about doctors who were bitches and were in the emergency department. Also got told that ketamine was really fucking weird for them to be giving me.

I got prescribed Tramadol. Mum and dad wouldn’t let me take any of it. my sibling had been prescribed it when they’d broken their arm. they’d taken it. Apparently tramadol can put you in a depressive state.

i don’t know what would’ve happened to me if I’d taken it at that point. even before the arm my head was in a bad place. I’m better now though.

I pushed through the pain on panadol.

I broke my arm on a friday. saturday, sunday, I spent at home. Monday I went to school. Felt like passing out at some point.

Yeah, that’s basically what happened when I broke my arm

[silveraccent]

Enter Sandman || Grace & Kaden

TIMING: Current (POTW) LOCATION: Grace’s apartment PARTIES: @silveraccent​ @chasseurdeloup​ SUMMARY: Kaden comes to help Grace figure out the source of all the sand in her apartment. Metallica helps them understand what’s going on. Some feels are included. 

There wasn’t a whole lot that Kaden felt like he was getting right as of late. All his efforts to help seemed to be in vain. So when Grace asked for help with a seemingly mundane task, he couldn’t come over to the apartment complex fast enough. It might be stupid but if he could jsut succeed in one thing, just help one person out maybe he could fet his head on straight again, figure this shit out. Alright so she hadn’t asked for help so much as advice, but Kaden was beginning to become an expert on windows. He had certainly repaired and replaced enough by now. Sealing one? Piece of cake. Plus, he was curious about this sand situation. What was sand doing on a fourth floor apartment anyway? Toolkit and sealant in hand, Kaden knocked on the door and waited for her to open it. “Hey. Not a pie but might be more useful in the long run,” he said, offering her a smile. “How are you doing?” He hoped it was a causal question. He worried it might not be. Didn’t hurt to ask, right?

Their last interaction being a bit more disheartening than she had first planned, Grace wanted to make a better impression-- to show that she was doing better. However, the situation with the sand, regardless of having made an effort to clean time and time again since her return to her apartment, was no use. The only explanation was the window carrying its grit through obvious cracks in her window. Though, when she had gotten it replaced, she hadn’t anticipated there being anymore issues. It was possible that the company Regan had referred her to wasn’t that great, and that maybe she should reach out for a refund. Instead, she was pulling the door open to see Kaden. She stepped aside with a smile, “I mean, the pie can wait-- I’m tired of sand in between my toes.” Grace closed the door behind him as she turned back towards the window. “I’m… doing better, actually.” She wasn’t sure if it was the truth, or if she was lying for his benefit-- there was something clearly wrong with him. There was a hopefulness to him, but it was shrouded in anxiety. “Healing right up,” Grace motioned to her ear before she approached the window. “How are you?” She asked, waiting for him to lie to her. 

“Putain de merde, it’s that bad?” Kaden peeked inside and sure enough, sand. Everywhere. It looked like some sort of beach side house. Only that was far from the case. He stepped inside and scuffed a little with his shoe. It didn’t exactly reveal any information about it beyond it was definitely without question in fact sand. That didn’t stop him from crouching down, setting his tools aside to pick some up in his fingers. No, nothing strange. Still. Beyond the fact that it was here at all. “You are?” he said, perking up a bit as he looked up at her. Oh. Maybe he shouldn’t sound so shocked. “I mean, good, that’s good.” His brow furrowed a moment as he stood up again, gathering his things before walking to the window. “You’re sure?” he asked hesitantly. Maybe he should accept the lie, or truth, whatever it was and move on. Hell, she had, she was questioning him. “Uh, been better. I’ll be alright. Let’s take a look at this window, shall we?” He trekked over to the pane of glass in question and started inspecting. The creased in his forehead deepened the longer he looked. It looked… fine. Just fine. He’d just look harder.

Grace watched as Kaden began to investigate the sand. She didn’t know why it was happening, or how. No matter how many times she cleaned, it never seemed to help. It was beginning to get into her bed, too. In an attempt to keep Ruthie’s tank clean, she had moved him into her bathroom, away from any windows. Still, there was sand, even then. “I am,” Grace said after a moment. Maybe if she said it enough times, she’d start to believe herself, too. It’d be easier to convince herself she was okay if she were to say it out loud. Her journey to forgiving Regan had been one that developed purely out of stubbornness at Regan’s unwillingness to accept that she was going to forgive her, but it was bound to happen sooner or later-- Grace was bad at holding grudges, even when somebody had hurt her to the point in which Regan had. Kaden’s deflection caused a crease in Grace’s brows and she crossed her arms over her chest. “Okay, I mean I guess that’s why you’re here, not for anything else, right?” She tilted her head to the side as she looked at him as he began to look at the glass. “Are there any cracks you can see? Maybe I missed something,” She said as she squinted at the window. 

“Hey, I asked how you are,” Kaden said as he continued to run his fingers along the sealant of the window. Putain, it felt even and normal. “I swear if there’s not even a single thing I can get right for once,” he mumbled under his breath, entirely to himself. What if he tore the sealant out or just did it again anyway? That would help. Fucking hell he just wanted to help. Before he let the urge to punch the window get the best of him, he sighed and turned back to her. “Was there something else you wanted to talk about then? You’re making it seem that way. Go on, lay it on me.” It was a bad day when talking was going to be the thing going right for him. It sure wasn’t his strong suit. But he might as well try, it couldn’t be worse than the perfectly sound window he was there to fix. He pushed his hair out of his face and checked the window closer. There had to be something wrong. “You’re sure it’s coming through here? Because I can’t see anything. There’s no reason for this.” He scrunched up his face a moment. Maybe he was looking for the wrong thing. A normal solution to a supernatural problem. Putain de merde, he hoped that wasn’t the case. Increasingly he was thinking it might be.

The longer silence warped the space between them, the more Grace felt his sudden anger. She involuntarily flinched away from him, despite the fact that he hadn’t made a move. Gripping the edge of her window, she tried to focus on it. She wanted to ask what was wrong, but wasn’t sure how. She typically tried to ignore it, tried her best to focus on something else. Maybe she was a horrible empath, her inability to allow people in extending to the matter of when somebody needed a shoulder. “There wasn’t really much,” Grace said as she pressed her fingers into the wall. She wondered if she pressed hard enough, it’d crumble away. “It’s the only place, I think. I don’t know. Maybe the ceiling? But it’s not popcorn or anything, it’s just.. Paint.” She looked up at the ceiling as if to make her point before glancing back over to Kaden. He didn’t seem upset, not visibly, so her asking him if he was okay, she wondered if he’d chalk it up to her just being particularly observant on the recent activities that concerned Regan. “Are you okay?” She asked, voice uneven. 

Kaden saw the flinch and looked around a bit to see if there was anything that might have startled her. There was no sound, he knew that much. If there were, he would have heard it of all people. Especially over her. He grit his teeth, trying to stave off the sudden guilt he felt over the thought. He hadn’t even caused it, not even remotely directly and he still had a feeling it would take a while for that to subside. He sighed and decided he was just going to check the stupid ceiling. “You got a step stool or ladder or something? I mean I could stand on your table but I don’t think you want that.” He looked down at the sand again, picking some up and examining it in his palm, hoping there was some answer here, a clue, anything. “Hmm?” he asked, his head jerking over to look at her. She seemed a little… upset, perhaps? Unsure at the very least. Definitely concerned. “I’m alright. For the most part. Why are you asking?” He could feel tiny pricks of defensiveness creep in and he nearly winced at himself. “It’s been a rough week. Well a rough few weeks actually. But I’ll figure it out, I always do. Anyway, it would be nice if we could fix your sand problem, give me one stupid victory this week, alright?” 

“I have a chair,” Grace offered with a half-smile, half-frown. She padded over to the small kitchenette and grabbed a chair from the dining table and set it in front of Kaden. “It’s not that safe, but the ceiling isn’t too high, right?” She asked as she tilted her head back to look up at the ceiling. She gripped the back of the chair as she watched him fiddle with the sand that was on the ground. She wondered if she’d ever permanently get rid of it, even after more stopped accumulating, or if she’d be stuck with it for forever. Grace tilted her head to the side slightly as he spoke, “I’m just asking. You checked up on me, but is anybody checking up on you?” Something told her that nobody was. By his agitation, his frustration-- his restlessness. She was sure that even if she hadn’t had the abilities that she did, his emotions would be easy to pin. “I don’t doubt you can’t fix it, but it’ll be hard to fix it if you don’t know where it’s… fucked up.” Grace squinted up at the ceiling. There were no visible cracks. 

“Yeah, that’s fine,” he said with a shrug. “Definitely not the most dangerous thing I’ve done in the past two days, it’s fine.” Kaden climbed up and didn’t have too much trouble brushing the ceiling. He ran his hands along it, trying to see if there was anything to drag up. Nothing but dust. “Putain,” he said with a cough. “Who knew ceilings could collect dust.” He coughed a few more times, his lungs trying to clear themselves. “That’s it, though,” he said before climbing back down, “no sand. It’s strange.” He pursed his lips and tried to think of possible connections, explanations. He knew Bloody Mary was hanging around but she had shit all to do with sand. Unless, you know, you figured glass was made from sand. At insane temperatures. No, didn’t seem likely. He was snapped out of his thoughts by her question. “I don’t know. Maybe?” he sighed again. She was barely older than Blanche. She didn’t need any of this bullshit. But he also didn’t want her to keep asking. “A few people have. I don’t know. There’s just a lot. And not much anyone can do.” He rubbed the back of his neck and decided how much he wanted to let her in, how much he wanted to dwell on any of it just yet. “I don’t know how much of my shit you want to deal with. But thanks. For checking,” he said, giving her a half smile. “This helps. By the way. Just trying to, you know, doing normal shit. Helping. Whatever.”

“You’re going to make me insecure about my ceiling,” Grace countered back, squinting up. When Kaden wiped his hand along it, she quickly tipped her head down to avoid any dust falling into her eyes. Grace made way for him to get down and let go of the chair. She wasn’t sure why there was so much sand in her apartment, or the hallways for that matter. All she knew was that she wanted it gone. It didn’t seem, however, by Kaden’s expression, that he knew where it was coming from. Grace watched Kaden carefully, her gaze searching for any telltale features on his face, to see if he would make an attempt to lie-- she’d be able to call him out on it, though, she would be able to feel if he were lying to her. It felt different for certain people, but usually if she paid attention to their mannerisms, their moods, and their words, it was easy to pick apart. For the most part, however, Kaden seemed to be telling the truth. There was certainly a lot going on, all of which she wasn’t sure of-- not that it was any of her business. She wasn’t the type to usually prod, but with somebody who was harboring this much emotional turmoil, it was hard for Grace not to ask questions. “You sound like a broken record,” Grace commented with a laugh, “like me a few days ago, I mean.” Grace crossed her arms over her chest and dug her fingernails into her forearms. “I don’t want you to feel like I’m… being invasive, and honestly I don’t want to invade, but…” She frowned, “I know there isn’t much I can do, so if there is something-- and I’m glad this,” Grace motioned to the window, to the ceiling, “that these things are helping.” Grace wanted to help, she just didn’t know how to. She wasn’t sure if she could. Whatever Kaden was currently going through, it seemed like it hurt. “Sorry we can’t figure out where the sand is coming from,” She muttered, turning back to the window to inspect it again. 

“Look, I’d bet you anything mine is worse but I don’t have to check it for sand.” Yet. Kaden wasn’t so certain this wasn’t the sort of thing to spread throughout the town. Like the eyeballs in the pipes. Guess he should invest in some good dustpans and brooms just in case. He leaned on the chair and avoided her glance for a minute before replying. “I’m sure I do. But I can’t tell you about any of the shit with Regan. I really can’t.” He shook his head and rubbed his brow with a free hand for a moment. “As much as I think you deserve to know. Considering.” Considering her injury and possible death is what started the spiral in the first place. “Keep being stubborn, though. I’m not going to stop you.” Hell, it would do Regan some good to have a reminder of why she was bothering, some tether to the world beyond banshees. And he wasn’t enough. Which was fine, he didn’t think he could handle being her only anchor. It was draining enough as it was. “I don’t know, I’ve made a lot of mistakes recently. Fucking sucks. I feel pretty shit about it. That’s the short version. I’ve done more hurting than helping and it sucks.” His tone was casual and so was his mannerisms but it was masking the guilt churning in his stomach. Any one of the things on his plate would be enough but it felt never ending. “Hey, it’s not your fault. It sounded like a simple fix. I didn’t anticipate, uh, this,” he said, gesturing to the room and all the traces of sand. “Is there anything else you can think of? We must be missing something.”

“I’m not asking you to.” Grace frowned. She didn’t want to be pushy, not with Kaden, not with anyone. In regards to Regan, she wanted answers, but it wasn’t right for her to expect Regan’s boyfriend to divulge any information, especially when Grace barely knew him past their conversation about what was actually worth it and pie, and well, now, this. She dropped her arms from and began to fiddle with a loose string at the hem of her shirt. “Well, you wouldn’t be able to anyways.” She smiled at him, this time one that reached her eyes. There was a sadness in his eyes, and in his voice-- she wondered if it could be interpreted as pity, or if it was something else entirely. She shook the idea that it might be pity-- Kaden didn’t seem the type to offer it so freely. “Oh.” It sounded more like a noise than a word, but she didn’t bother to reiterate it. “I mean, if you’re making mistakes, there’s bound to be a way to fix them, right?” It made sense now, why he was pleading to fix something, to put something back together. She eyed him curiously, wondering what it was he could possibly be messing up-- he worked in animal control. Then again, he had Regan for a girlfriend, and even though Grace wasn’t entirely sure what Regan was, she knew it wasn’t human. “There’ll be things you can fix, and things you can’t fix…” Grace started, eyebrows pulled together, “and sometimes it’s harder to recognize, but the things you can fix, they’re usually the smaller picture things, and that’ll get you to the bigger picture thing, right?” Her words were stolen from her Grandmother, but Kaden wouldn’t know that. “It’s sort of like when you break a mirror. You don’t go for the bigger pieces first, you go for the smaller ones first, because those will hurt you the most later on.” Grace shrugged, “but I don’t know what you’re going through, so I mean--” She let out a harsh laugh, “it could mean nothing to you.” Grace bit the inside of her cheek as she tried to avert her gaze from Kaden, unsure if her words would do more to piss him off, console him, or to make him roll his eyes. At his question, she shrugged, “Uh.. no, but every time I come in and see more of it, Enter Sandman keeps playing in my head.” 

“Is being stubborn a requirement for living in this building? Is that it?” Kaden huffed out a laugh but he did genuinely appreciate it in his own way. He wasn’t sure he liked anyone who would so easily bend over backwards or never try. Annoying as it could be to deal with sometimes. “I don’t think I can give my friend his leg back.” He’d tried to keep his voice flat and unemotional, but there was a small dip at the end. Shit. Guess he wasn’t as good at pretending to be okay as he thought. He pinched the bridge of his nose and tried to bring himself back off the edge. “Sorry. I… Sorry.” He didn’t mean to blurt it out like that. Too late now. “I-- I do get what you’re saying, though. I think.” He inhaled deep and let out a long exhale of breath, slowly. “Some of them can be fixed, though. And I’m trying.” He was probably taking on too much but there was no stopping him now. He didn’t need fae magic to bind his promises when he made them. It had been that way before Regan but he put even more care into them now. Still, her insight, what she said, it sounded… it sounded like she knew first hand. And it wouldn’t surprise him if she did have something in her past that was similar to his mess. The more and more he talked to her, the more the mirror she was talking about was right in front of him. “It means something, though. I get it.” He never thought he’d miss being at a morgue of all places but he had for a while now, it had been weeks since he’d stopped by. He was beginning to realize it wasn’t just Regan he was going to miss running into there on quick coffee runs and lunch breaks. It was a good group over there, Grace and Cece, too. “Enter Sandman?” he asked. “Isn’t it Mr. Sandman? You know, the so--” He stopped dead  and blinked. There was no way. Was there? No. That was… it was just an urban legend, right? Then again, he knew better than to dismiss any legend or fairy tale, most had some origin in supernatural reality. “How… how have you been sleeping?” he said, turning to ask her.

“It must be something in the water.” Grace knew that Kaden was familiar with Blanche, maybe more than herself, and it was clear that both she and the other girl were keen on turning to their stubbornness rather than letting something just run them over. “Give your friend his what--” Grace asked, surprise coloring the tone of her voice. She had been caught off guard by his words, and for a moment, she wasn’t sure if he was exaggerating. It didn’t seem as though he had been. She swallowed thickly and looked down at the ground. Anger flared in him again, and for a moment, Grace had wished she had been like her grandmother-- because maybe if she was, she could ease his pain, even if it were artificial. Instead, she just felt too much, despite distance put between herself and those she cared about. Regan was an example of that. “I just didn’t expect it, is all.” Grace pressed her tongue against the roof of her mouth. She wasn’t sure what to say now, wasn’t sure if her typical morbid sense of humour would save the conversation or make it worse. Grace bit back the urge to mention something about a lizard, and instead offered him a consoling smile, or what mirrored one, “I mean, it can’t be your fault.. It’s not like you know, you… chopped it off or something.” Grace looked at him and wondered what had happened. It wasn’t her place to ask or inquire. The loss of a leg, that was something big, something that she wasn’t sure she wanted to know about. She had her own loss to worry about. The mood in the room overturned into confusion, into something entirely different from the previous anxiety that was beginning to weigh Grace down. When Kaden asked his question, her brows furrowed, “I never really sleep well, that’s nothing new. Why?” There was recognition now, she could even see it on his face. “Kaden, what?” 

Kaden shifted in his stance a bit, his mouth pulling into a thin line as the guilt creeped back up from the pit he’d tried to bury it in for the time being. “I didn’t chop it off, no. But I did-- it’s my fault. I hesitated. In the field. And i invited him out there, I--” Deep breath, pull himself back in. “It’s my fault. At least some of it. I should have known better, been better.” Fuck, he wondered if this was too much. He saw the parallels of his position with Regan’s. He did. And he believed he was more at fault than she was. And in that case, the stark reality that Grace was in the same position as Alain hit him full force. Shit. He didn’t need to shove this in her face, force her to deal with more of this shit. It was bad enough he was a walking reminder of what happened by virtue of who he was dating. Two minutes. Could he get two minutes where he didn’t make everything worse? He rubbed his temples before shoving his hair back and out of his face again. “Yeah, well, I know it’s insane. But you said Sandman. And I’ve got to wonder if just maybe it’s actually… well, that.” Right this was going to go over well. He had no idea where she stood with the supernatural beyond being blasted by a banshee scream. “I know how that sounds, I really do but you know this town is fucking weird, right? You have to. And I’m not saying that it’s for sure but… I don’t know, maybe.”

His words caught her off guard once again. She wasn’t sure how to approach the subject of somebody’s leg being torn off of their body. Grace did, however, want to know what kind of animal had dismembered his friend. She stayed silent, though, pushing her own curiosity away. Now wasn’t the time. She could tell by his expression, the set of his shoulders-- the anger that rolled off of him, that silence was what he needed. Her brow furrowed at his change in expression, his change in emotion. It was like whiplash. Grace reached up to rub the back of her neck, pressing her index and thumb into the sides in an attempt to ease the ache that had been created by the bounce back and forth of Kaden’s emotions. “I don’t know what happened, but I doubt it was your fault.” Grace repeated herself. She didn’t want to toe the line of interfering, not when it was clearly something above her head. Instead, she decided to focus on the idea that Sandman could be wreaking havoc on her apartment building. Grace paused for a moment. “Sandman.” She tested the name on her tongue, it felt odd, felt like something she should be telling a small child, not a full grown adult. Anything could happen in this town, she reminded herself. She had helped, well, not helped, but seen reanimated corpses defeated, had seen fog fish with Nell-- had seen Renee’s ghost. “I-- I guess,” Grace stammered, suddenly unsure. “I mean, it was a joke, but…” Grace picked her brain for her Grandmother’s stories, “People go into a deep slumber, right? My Grandma used to tell me she would call the Sandman to put me to sleep.” Grace fumbled with the loose string at the hem of her shirt. “Somebody in our building, they wouldn’t wake up-- their roommate found them cataonic and they were taken to the hospital, it happened the day I got home.” 

“Thanks for trying to absolve me. Wish it were that simple. But thanks,” Kaden told her, with an attempt at a smile. He noticed her pressing against the back of her neck. “You okay over there?” he questioned, tone of concern in his voice, more than he maybe meant to be there. Damint. If he kept adding to the list of people he cared about, he’d never stop, would he? Putain. The look of disbelief on her face after he suggested an urban legend as something more than that didn’t give him a whole lot of comfort, either. But she wasn’t giving him that look Regan did sometimes so it could be worse. And she seemed to be entertaining him at the very least. “I know, I know. But, well, it rained fish in town once. For weeks. This would be downright normal in comparison.” He nodded along with her story, all sounded right to him. The Sandman. He tried to pull from his well of knowledge from training. It was hard to say if what he knew about the Sandman was from stories or studies. If it was studies, it wasn’t in depth. Why waste time on legendary monsters when there were too many run of the mill ones to deal with on the daily as it was? “Wait, what?” he said, startled at what she said next. “They were catatonic? And wouldn’t wake up? Putain de merde.” He rubbed his temples again, trying to decide where to go from here. “Alright. Okay. I… I don’t know if this is right or real or what to do if it is but better safe than sorry. Do not let his sand come in contact with your eyes, got it? I don’t care what you have to do, wear goggles, a mask, whatever. Is there anywhere else you can stay? It might be the whole building, shit.” He was pacing by now, trying to think. “If it’s the building, you and Blanche and Ari can’t… Putain. Fuck. Grace, this place might not be safe. Do you have somewhere else to go?” He’d asked before but he was pretty sure she might not and he was already trying to run through solutions in his head. “Maybe we can get a shop vacuum or a ventilator or…”

“Oh, uh.” Grace quickly dropped her hand. “I’m fine.” It sucked when her company was just as observant as her, if not more so. Maybe she had been too tired in the hospital to notice it, or maybe it was the mix of all the other individuals that were crowding her, she couldn’t be sure-- however, now it was evident. Kaden had some serious issues, issues that were enveloped in what she assumed boiled down to not only Regan, but his friend with the lost leg. “Just a headache. They happen now.” Grace half-lied. She had noticed a constant ache in her head since the scream, but what she was experiencing now was purely due to Kaden’s back and forth. She was grateful for the change in subject. Kaden’s determination that what had been plaguing her building had been the Sandman was loud, loud enough to drown out whatever turmoil he had previously been undergoing. Grace blinked at him. “I think so, that’s what it sounded like.” She could’ve misheard, but she wasn’t sure. It seemed fitting for this town, and after everything that she had been through-- after everything that others had been through, it was hard to argue against it at this point, but the Sandman? “Wear a mask to sleep? Uh, I don’t, I don’t think so.” The last thing Grace wanted to do was impose on anyone, especially when it was clear that both Blanche and Ariana had their own issues to tend to. The last thing Grace wanted to do was insert herself, to make their problems bigger. Her stomach began to churn. She could see the worry in Kaden’s eyes, could feel it on him. It was beginning to make her think of this as a bigger issue than it was. “You just named the two people that if I had to ask anyone-- it’d be the most convenient.” Grace wrapped her arms around her frame and bit the inside of her cheek. She could go to the office, sleep on the floor. No. She wasn’t ready to go back, not yet. Just because she was on her way to forgiving Regan didn’t mean she was ready to approach the morgue. Grace swallowed thickly, Kaden’s unease burrowing into the frown now pulled at her lips. “If I’m not safe, they aren’t safe either, right?” Grace asked, and she suddenly felt worry for her friends. 

“Okay.” Kaden wasn’t going to press the matter, especially not if it was related to that. Bigger issue was the Sandman, anyway. It wouldn't matter if she was feeling okay or got headaches if she went to sleep and didn’t wake up. He paused his pacing to rub his chin, lost in thought for a moment. “I know, I’ll maybe talk to them, too. See if they have options. Or if, I don’t know, you could check to see if they’re sand free. But I’m worried the issue might be the building.” His mind wandered to one very empty apartment at the moment. “Regan hasn’t been staying at her place for a while, I don’t think she’s going to be back anytime soon.” Right. Hey, Grace, go stay at your boss’s place, you know, the one who busted your ear, while she’s off living in a cabin in the woods being depressed and ritualistically torturing herself, it won’t be a problem. Putain. “Or, uh, maybe not. I mean, I have a couch but... “ It was a small place and he was worried she wouldn’t feel comfortable with that. Which would be more than valid. “I can ask if I can stay at her place and you take mine? For the moment? I don’t know.” This all sounded insane. And if it seemed intense and overbearing to him, someone who believed in this crap, how must it sound to her? Fuck. “It’s entirely possible I’m overreacting,” he said with a sigh. “But you said the sand keeps coming, right? Even after getting rid of it?”

“I think Blanche mentioned that there was sand in her apartment too, but I can’t remember.” The last few weeks had been a blur and getting out of the hospital had only added onto what Grace found hard to remember. She tightened her grip on her frame as she watched Kaden. His anxiety was palpable and it was making a sweat break out on the back of her neck. Taking a deep breath, she excused herself from him to the kitchen, grabbing a glass of water for the two of them. “Regan?” Grace asked over her shoulder. The thought of staying at Regan’s place while she was gone, it was laughable. “I don’t think she’d like that very much.” She isn’t even talking to me. Won’t talk to me, Grace thought. She approached Kaden with the glass of water and tentatively held it out for him to take. “That’s--” Discomfort bloomed in Grace’s chest. The last thing she would want to do would be to take somebody else’s space. She already felt guilty at the idea of asking either Blanche, Nell, or Ariana for a place to stay. “I think--” Grace began, but instead took a sip of her water. She needed to realign herself. His anxiety was beginning to make it hard for her to think logically. “Uh, yeah. No matter what I do, it’s there. It won’t go away.” She looked at the window where sand lined the sill, as well as the ground beneath of it. “It’s possible you’re overreacting, but--” Grace bit her lip. “I don’t really want to test it out.” Maybe Kaden’s anxiety was winning. 

“Right, okay,” Kaden sighed and ran his hands through his hair. Kaden would definitely have to warn the other two. And possibly Regan about where he was staying. He thanked her for the water when she brought it over, didn’t realize how much thirst anxiety worked up. “I mean it,” he assured her, looking her directly in the eyes. “If Blanche and Ari need to stay there at all, too, the offer’s open to any or all of you. If this building is the problem, I don’t want to see any of you hurt.” He really wasn’t sure when his list of people he cared about grew so long. It was almost to the point of weirding him out. Protecting people? Trying to? That made sense to him, though. Guess he’d take it. “It’s not like you’re putting me on the streets, I spend half my time there any… way.” The sentence spilled out without him thinking about it and left his lips before he could even reconsider it. That was obsessively not true at the moment. Fuck. Though to be fair, no one was spending any time there. It’s not like he was imposing. “It’s up to you. If you have nowhere else to go, you’ve got me.”

It had been awhile since Grace felt cared for. At least, cared for in the form of an adult. With her Grandmother gone, and her relationship with her parents nonexistent, Regan was the only adult that had really come into Grace’s life that she felt the relationship had any meaning. Now, there was Kaden. She hadn’t anticipated it, but the more they interacted, the more she looked up to him as an older brother-- somebody she could rely on. The thought was terrifying. Grace didn’t want to think about relying on anyone, not when they had their own issues. “I appreciate it.” Grace murmured, immediately finding discomfort in the way that Kaden maintained eye contact. She could tell he meant it, not because she could feel the compassion in his words, but because the look on his face told her that he meant it. “I don’t have anywhere else to go,” Grace finally said. She didn’t have anyone, not really. Maybe four people now, but all of which she was terrified of inconveniencing. “It won’t be putting you out?” Grace asked after she took a sip of her water, her throat suddenly feeling dry at the thought of allowing somebody to help her.  

“Then you can go to mine. Just let me know when.” This wasn’t how he expected to help, but Kaden was sure that he was at least trying to do the right thing. And that was worth it. Past all the other bullshit happening, this was worth it. “It wouldn’t be putting me out at all.” He wasn’t sure he was prepared to spend the night at Regan’s by himself just yet. But that didn’t matter. He’d get over it. He should probably ask her first but he had little doubt she’d argue with him. Not now, anyway. “Hopefully you’re not allergic to dogs. He’d come with me but I can’t exactly make it smell less like him.” 

[anxietysroomsupport]

Tonight me and my friend said bye bc it's summer and she wont be able to talk to me anymore since school ended and the only way we were able to contact each other were through emails when school was in session bc her parents are very abusive. Fuck. I know I'm gonna talk to her after summer but that's a really long time. I know she doesnt depend on me to keep her confidence up but I left for 5 days and she started believing the terrible shit they say about her 1/2

2/2 and I jsut cant imagine all that they're gonna do and say to her over two months. I feel so powerless sand I dont mean to make this about me bc it's her who is in such a shitty situation but I cant do anything to stop them from making her feel that way she does. I want to consentually kidnap her and hide her in my room forever. I fuckign hate her parents so much. She believes all of the bullshit they tell her and she cant see how much of an amazing person she is 2/3

3/3 how can a person treat another person so amazing and outstanding like her the way they do? I cant believe its gonna be over 2 months until I get to talk to her again. So many things can happen. Again I dont mean to make this all about me and I'm sorry that that's what I'm doing but I really need to rant. And all the shit they put her through she tries to justify it because they love her. But they dont. They're doing what they're doing for their own selfish reason 3/4

4/4 and I wish I could make her see that. She knows what her parents are doing is wrong but i dont think she has a full grasp on that yknow. If i ever see her parents i swear I'm gonna fuckign deck them both when she's safe. And i dont blame her btw. Her parents are manipulative shits and it isnt her fault that she gives in to what they're saying but it's not right. And all of this bc shes bi. They were abusive before but now it's so much worse 4/5

5/5 and people try and justify abuse by saying homosexuality is wrong as if this isnt happening to an actual fuckign person (I knwo abuse isnt just happening to queers but it is in this situation). Shes liek a literal prisoner there. She has to be with someone at all times of the day and she isnt allowed in her room. The only she allowed to be alone is the bathroom and changing. I honestly dont know how shes gonna survive (sorry I'm writing a lot) 5/6

6/6 she said she wont commit suicide and I trust her but I cant entirely rule it out so if she makes it through these two months without human contact except for her abusive parents and her passive siblings who just dont care then I think she's going to be so broken the next time I get to talk to her. I mean jsut hearing the things they say to her over and over again for months and not having anybody you can talk to who shares the opposite opinion then she's gonna believe it.

7/7 (last one sorry) and it seems like nobody on this piece of shit earth cares at all. Nobody seems to realize that this is happening to fuckign kids?? Who are supposed to be happy and do stupid stuff without fearing for your safety (not that her dating a girl or being bi is stupid but if they spot even the tiniest imperfect they make her seem like shes a worthless misbehaving shit even tho shes the complete opposite). Nobody cares that this is an actual human person and it fucking sucks

Hi Anon,

No apologies necessary, it’s clear you really care about your friend.  And you’re absolutely correct, it’s not right what they’re doing to her no matter what her orientation is.  

If computers are out, it might be time to go analogue.  See if you can write her letters, and send them to her house, or if her parents wouldn’t like that either, send them to a friendly neighbor’s house for her to pick up when she can.  If you’ve been to her house before, you might be able to look up the address by recalling the route and finding the house on google maps.  

If you get the address, you can have anything sent over there.  You might not know if letters or packages ever reached her until school starts back up, so if you end up sending anything, understand that you’re basically sending it into the ether. 

Do her parents have a house phone?  Even if they monitor her calls, you would at least be able to hear how she’s doing in general.  Phone books like the Yellow Pages keep lists of everyone with a landline, unless they select to be private.  

Depending on what level of abuse you know for sure has happened, you might be able to call Child Protective Services on her parents (or your country’s equivalent if you’re outside the U.S.).  Use this tool with caution: if the situation isn’t bad enough for her to be immediately taken out of the house, then she would have to stay with parents who knew someone had called CPS.  CPS investigates every report they get and often send a social worker to the house to verify if any reports are true.  If they found evidence of abuse, they could potentially remove her from the home, although that is typically only in very extreme cases.  

If none of those routes are possible, all you can be is wait and be ready for when she comes back.  You can look up things that help abuse survivors so you’re ready but, ultimately, her health and safety is not your responsibility.  You are not responsible if something happens to her.  It won’t be your job to help her recover if she does come back in a bad mindset.  Only give what you feel comfortable giving of yourself, and remember to take care of yourself, too.  Your friend is very lucky to have someone like you looking out for her.  

Good luck.

-Miss Fay

[creator-zee]

184

I apologized to my soulmate, wherever they were, as I slammed into the ground. I knew my entire back would be bruised from that. I grit my teeth as I struggled to fill my empty lungs, pushing myself back up into a fighting stance. The dragon continued stalking towards me. Teeth bared, but it had run out of fire hours ago. I dodged another swipe of its claws, rolling underneath it. I dodged the tail swipe, by leaping up and grabbing onto the spikes. The sharp edges, cutting into my hands slightly.

Sorry. I thought again.

I held on though, even as the dragon trashed. I climbed steadily up it’s back, until I was seated on it’s back. Well, seated was a generous word, I was crouched on it’s back, between it’s wings and hovering over the spines on its back. I stayed on though, until he calmed.

He was our newest rescue, a dragon from an abusive farm. He didn’t trust anyone and wouldn’t let anyone near him. The problem was that dragons weren’t like horses. There was no option for slowly building trust. Dragons only trusted though that they could trust to protect them. It was how they worked in society. Dragons would mate, based off fighting. The challenger would have to win to gain the dragon’s trust. 

The main problem us humans faced when trying to train them was that we couldn’t fly, didn’t have claws, or sharp teeth, and we weren’t as strong. So, beating them and gaining their trust, so that we could train them was a challenge. We had found that if we used tools to aid us, the dragons didn’t accept it as a fair win.

That’s why despite dragons being common for travel, entertainment, and companions, trainers were far and few between. It also meant I was constantly apologizing to my unknown soulmate for the bruises and injuries I gained each day that they had to share as well.

The dragon, a red spine back, had finally calmed under me. I jumped off his back, landing on the ground next to him. He lowered his head in submission to me. I rubbed his muzzle gentle, some of my blood getting on him. A deep throaty sound escaped his throat, similar to a cat’s purr.

I smiled. The bruises and cuts were always worth it, hopefully my soulmate would understand that someday too.

I turned away from the dragon, I really needed to give him a name, and headed to the stables. He followed me, nudging my shoulder lightly with his head.

I chuckled. “Oh, now look who wants to follow me.”

He just snorted.

I laughed. “Yes, yes, I’ll get you a treat. We reached the stable and I climbed into the loft. Red spine backs, what did they like again. They were carnivores, and particular to fish. Right. I moved to the far end, and opened up a cooler, pulling out a raw salmon.

I heard  the sound of flapping wings as he tried to get up into the loft, but it was far to small for a dragon to fit, except the small little terrors.

I held the fish away from him as I climbed down the ladder and he pranced slightly in place, waiting for me to give it to him. I tossed it to him, and he caught it in midair, scarfing it down, whole. I shook my head.

“Come on, you have to head back out to the pasture, I have chores to do.” I told him, I really needed to think of a name. The naming responsibilities had fallen on my shoulders after I took over most of the brunt work for my father when he broke his arm in a rodeo. It wasn’t even dragons, but a plain old horse. I shouldn’t insult horses, they were great too, but they couldn’t fly or breath fire.

He nudged my shoulder again playfully, and I couldn’t help but wonder yet again at the stark difference in dragons once they gained their trust. The bond formed ran deep. That’s partially why I hated my job, having to sell my dragons away to people who hadn’t earned their trust like I had. They would behave, I would make sure of that, but they might not ever truly trust their new owners.

I sighed, as I rubbed his snout, as I opened the gate to the pasture. “I think I’ll call you Slammer. If only, because I’m going to be feeling that slam for a few days, if not weeks.”

He just blinked in response and I smiled. “Go on, run, fly, just don’t go too far.”

That was another challenge with dragons. They had wings, so stopping them from escaping was difficult. That’s why you had to gain their trust first, or get them trained. Otherwise, unless you had a giant bird cage they would just fly away immediately.

Slammer ran away from me, breaking into a gallop before taking off and circling above, stretching his wings.

I smiled up at him, before heading back to the stable. I had training for Tea and Spine and I was giving lessons to a new person this afternoon. I should probably clean the blood and dirt off myself before then.

I lost track of time unfortunately, and while I was rubbing down Spine’s scales, cleaning them of dirt, I heard the rumble of a truck approaching.

“Dammit.” I cursed softly, causing Spine to ruffle his wings nervously. “It’s fine.” I quickly reassured him as I led him outside the stable. I rubbed his shoulder.

“Go home.” I said softly, and he responded to the commanded, taking off and flying towards the paddock.

I wiped my hands off on my pants but it didn’t make much difference since they were just as dirty.

“Sorry.” I apologized to the woman currently walking up my driveway,  “It’s been a busy day, I haven’t had a chance to get cleaned up since training. Z, by the way.”

She just smiled. “Gwyn, and I don’t mind. It is a farm. I didn’t expect for everything to be pristine.”

I laughed. “Good. Now, come on, let’s find you a dragon to ride. What experience do you have?”

I had my suspicions, Justine from the clean state of her clothes, but I’d let her confirm them or prove me wrong.

“I rode as a kid, but dropped it in high school in a failed attempt to fit in. So I’d say ‘so rusty that I’m practically a beginner.’”

I nodded. “Got it. I know just who you can ride, Ripper.”

“R-ripper?” She repeated, terrified.

I laughed. “I’m sorry. I couldn’t resist. She’s actually a very sweet common ridgeback. She earned that name after ripping my favorite shirt when I was gaining her trust.”

“Ohhh.” She muttered.

“Come on, let’s go get her, she’s out in the fields, so just stay close to me. I have some newbies in the field, and I don’t know how they’d react to a stranger if you got too far from me.” I warned her.

She nodded, stepping closer to me.

I saw Ripper soaring high in the distance. 

“Cover your ears.” I warned Gwyn, before I called for Ripper, a loud shrieking call, that mimicked a ridgeback’s call. Ripper responded in kind, before circling back and landing a little ways away from us and walking up to us, lowering her head. I rubbed it gently, before grabbing Gwyn’s hand and urging her to do the same.

“Woah...” She muttered quietly. “It’s been so long. Also, damn that was an impressive call.”

I removed my hand from hers, smiling softly, but that smile faded when I realized I had left blood on the back of her hand.

”Ah, crap, sorry.” I apologized quickly. “I haven't bandaged my hands since I dealt with Slammer this morning.”

She looked at me slightly concerned, wiping her hand off on her shirt. “Slammer?”

”A red spine back.” I explained, as I led Ripper to the stables to be tacked up. “He’s a new rescue. His spines cut my hands.”

“A the name? Is he a jail bird?” She asked, and I chuckled at her joke.

“No, he didn’t go in the slammer. He slammed be in the ground. Left my back completely riddled with bruises.”

She froze mid step. Her face was shocked, but otherwise unreadable.

“Your entire back...?” She muttered.

“Uh, yeah.” I shrugged. “Don’t worry it happens all the time, jsut one of the risks of being a trainer.”

“No, I know.” She muttered. “That just means...” She trailed off and showed me her own palms in explanation. They had bruises right where mine were cut.

“Ohhhhh....” I muttered, knowing what she was getting at. “You’re my... I’m your....”

She nodded. “Soulmate, we’re soulmates.”

“I - I don’t, this is, I don’t know what to say. This is so unexpected.” I stammered, caught completely off guard. Ripper sensed my anxiety and gently butted her head against my shoulder. I rubbed it welcomingly.

“Well... I’m relieved that the reason I’m always covered in bruises is not because you are abused or something.” She admitted.

I chuckled slightly at that. “I swear some of these guys do abuse me.”

“Do you run this whole place by yourself?” She asked, surprised.

I shook my head. “My dad does the paperwork stuff, you probably talked to him on the phone. But I do all the manual labor, since he broke his arms, it’s never been the same since. Dragons can be pretty easy to handle after you gain their trust -“ I rubbed Ripper’s snout affectionately “- but, it’s the gaining their trust that’s hard. You have to be in top shape for that.”

She murmured, nodding. “I can see that.”

“What?” I asked, head snapping to face her.

A blush spread on her face, and I was sure my own wasn’t much better.

“It’s just - you’re...” She gestured oddly to me. “Um, fit.” She settled on, before pointedly looking away from me.

“Thanks?” I muttered, unsure. “Let’s just focus on this lesson, okay? We can talk after, maybe after I’ve had a shower.”

She nodded. “Yes, okay. So, what’s first?”

I settled into teacher mode, an easy mold, one that I didn’t have to worry about. Nothing was off, until after the lesson ended.

I had decided to let Gwyn ride Ripper around on her down, to cool her down, while I checked on the dragons, farther out in the fields. I needed to make sure that they still had water and give them their food.

It was all going well until Tide, one of my few amphibian dragons, decided to play in the water... while I was filling it. I ended up completely soaked. I sighed, as I stared at the goofy face of the dragon, her frills around her face raised in excitement. I couldn’t be made at that face. I smiled and rubbed her snout.

“Tide, go soak someone else.” I chastised, but with no malice in my tone. “Maybe someone with scales that won’t get soaked to the bone.”

She chattered, flapping her wings a few times, spraying me yet again with more water before taking off. I shook my head, as I trudged back up to the barn, Gwyn and Ripper catching me by surprise. I had forgotten about them because of Tide’s distraction.

“What happened to you?” Gwyn asked, slightly horrified.

“Tide happened.” I muttered. “She’s an amphibious dragon, and likes to play in the water. It was my misfortune to try and fill it when she was in a playful mood.”

Gwyn slid slightly awkwardly off Rippers back. I noticed she had a slight blush on her cheeks, and I didn’t realize why, until I remembered I was wearing a white shirt, dammit Tide.

“Sorry...” I apologized. “I can change...?” I offered.

“I’d - um - I’d like that.” She muttered.

“Think you can untack her?” I asked, as I climbed up into the loft.

Gwyn shook her head. “No.”

“No worries.” I called back down. “I should have some spare clothes stashed up here, I can be down in a sec to help you.”

“Okay.” Gwyn called back up.

I rummaged around in the loft in a bin, managing to only find a spare bra and tank top. Hopefully, that was at least a little better.

I climbed back down the loft, and by Gwyn’s beet red face and small gasp. It wasn’t better. A small part of me was happy, but most was just apologetic for making my soulmate so flustered.

“Sorry.” I apologized, again. “Let me just get this off, and then I can grab more clothes from inside.”

“No need to hurry.” Gwyn muttered, and I turned to her surprised.

“What was that?” I asked, confused.

“Uh, nothing.” She stammered.

I ignored it, quickly taking Ripper’s saddle and bridle off, and hanging them in the take room, before giving her the simple command, go home. She left after nuzzling me one more time.

“I think we are due for a conversation.” I said, as I led Gwyn back up towards the house.

“Uh, yeah.” She agreed. “What do you want this to mean?” She asked, gesturing broadly between us.

I shrugged. “I don’t know. Maybe we can just continue meeting up and see where it goes?”

She nodded, smiling. “That sounds good. Besides I do want more lessons.”

“Of course.” I answered, slightly flushed myself. “Here, let me give you my number. I can’t promise I’ll be responsive though. I tend to leave my phone in the safety of the indoors so it doesn’t get smashed or waterlogged.”

Gwyn nodded. “Understandable.”

“Let me just run inside real quick to grab it.” I told her before sucking inside my house to grab my phone off the table in the entryway. I had several missed texts from a friend.

I ignored them for now and opened up my contacts, offering it to Gwyn. She quickly put her number in. I sent her a quick text, hi, so that she would have mine.

“Just text me for your next lesson.” I said.

She nodded. “I will, see you later Z.”

I waved goodbye as she pulled out in her truck.

[rqs902]

qcyn ep 11 -- can you believe the finale is tomorrow?!?

this whole texting section was so funnyyyy and i will honorably mention yet again that yao chi texting mc jin in english is so sweet

li ronghao torturing xu longhan iS HIALRIOSUS 

 but i also pity the poor child LOOL

wait can we talk about chen tao’s spelling timao LOL

and chen sijian’s face LOLLL

omg yao mingming’s message is so aww... he mentions liking yixing since he debuted in 2012.......

omgggg fjj and wang yi theyre all so cute and screamy and i loveee 

WAIT CAN WE TALK ABOUT LIN MO AND WANG YI’S HAPPY DANCE

oh gosh the8 is really showing us how hard seventeen works to get their choreo super in sync wow they really must work so hard.... wow minghao giving up the center position bc he knows how important this is to these kids... he deserves more recognition as a great mentor wow

oh my goodness.......... li zhenning’s voice shaking as he says to shi mingze “if you can get into top 20, then you’ll have hope” is.... the most heartbreaking......... knowing that shi mingze doesnt.......... they literally were smiling as they went off into this corner to talk and are crying by the time they come out..... can you just imagine how much sadness and stress is constantly looming over these kids’ heads and tearing down at their mental health?? its all hidden and suppressed, but with really fragile borders, so as soon as you pick at the walls, their raw emotions come bursting through... 

this just reminds me that even tho shi mingze is their cool, handsome leader, hes still the youngest in bg project............

can we please talk about how considerate of a friend li zhenning is and has been?? 

and this all took place before zhenning ever ranked into top 9.... so to them, this opportunity wouldve been really important for zhenning too, bc maybe he wouldve really needed it to get into top 9. but at least we know now.... he has enough popularity that they made the correct choice and hopefully more people will notice shi mingze as a result

ZHAN YU’S ARMSSSSSSSSS bo yuan’s hair!! i really like it!!!! wen yechen in pink!!!!!! his voice is so addicting i just wanna hear more of it... it dont matter that zhenning isnt center, he still shines :)) wait wu zelin’s voice i really liked it in retreat and we get even more vocal-like wu zelin here! thats a realy nice purple on qunfeng, hes really rocking this look SHI MINGZE I SAW THAT WINK frick minghao’s dancing is just so satisfying to watch wowow

man he looks so good

wow i live for random zhan yu reactions (imma just collect them here LOL)

after journey and mc jin’s friendship is so cute hahahaha

ok i see why elle thinks chen tao is a visual

wang zhe and wu chengze have both really improved in their stage presence throughout the course of this show aw deng chaoyuan looks the happiest we’ve ever seen him on stage haha zhou shiyuan’s voice is really so cool 

i guess we’ll never find out why gu landi is in mc jin’s group..... is it bc yao chi is here? im sorry i love this song and i love a lot of the kids in this group but can you just imagine how much better this stage would’ve been if it were with more kids who had experience rapping....? last year’s “zero” stage just made such a bigger impression on me...... this is actually really such a contrast im---

ALKSJDLAKSJDLK CHEN SIJIAN’S RAPPPP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! HE JUST DID THATT!!!!!!!!!! DID YOU SEE THAT!??!?!1//!ASDLKJALSKJJ OMGGOHS AMAZING!!!!!!!!!!! CHEN SIJIAN JUST BLEW EVERYOEN OUT OF THE WATER YOU BEST BET HE DID WOWOW HE JSUT I CANT BELEIEVE HE JSUT INCLUDED AT LEAST 4 NAMES WOW 

IM WEN YECHEN

chen sijian is really the best at writing raps about his bros wow and like also he has the most creative lyrics i really appreciate wow such talent hes amazing!!!

a lost baby..

UNDERAPPRECIATED GU LANDI VISUALS

the face of a legend 

ever since i saw the “time” ballad version, ive had a sneaking suspicion that lin yuzhi is secretly one of the strongest vocalists on this show..... this is the face of talent

idk whose outfit is distracting me more, xu bingchao or xixi’s LOL shao haofan looks so nice here wow and ding feijun is so adorable even tho this is a more mature concept but i still cant see him as anything but a cute child

maybe its the way they cut up the lines but idk this song didnt really show off their vocal abilities that well..... sorry xixi :( i think xixi’s voice deserved better time to shine on this show...... his and feng junjie’s voices are actually both so nice i was so impressed when i saw them singing in the oaca clips

this koala ad makes me very uncomfortable......

wenhan reaches into the box and pulls out..... costco brand blueberries??!?!?/1 hHhahahhahHAHAHHA 

lol yao chi being so sentimental... oh look at this photo of me with bubbles on my face (me: oh no here it come--) OH YEA ALSO CHECK OUT THIS FACE WASH!

wow kou cong!! a face i havent seen in a while aw! i cant believe they filmed all the yaa eps while they all still had colorful hair lol i guess ill never get to see lin mo on yaa /sigh/ or actually any of the tyger members cept jia yi.........

HAHAHAHAHHA YESSSSSSSSS THEY INCLUDED A CLIP OF CHEN SIJIAN’S PHONE CALL !!!! HIS WAS HILARIOUSS!!!! HAHAHAHA I LOVED HOW SIMILAR HIS FAN SEEMED TO BE TO HIM HAHAH 

AAHH AS SOON AS IT GETS TO LIN MO’S ITS THE SAD MUSIC TIME

his was the most heartwarming call.... no bias LOL

feng junjie singing “the great artist” just---

this boy will never stop with the meme faces hHAHAHA

im surprised this section was so short lol i was expecting them to spend more time on this group...

SUN ZELIN SUN ZELIN SUN ZELIN YEA

jolin’s eyes are so wow 

feng junjie with the voice!!!!!!1 

JOLIN THE QUEEN

still kinda wish jia yi had more opportunity to sing on this show......... hes like second main vocalist to zhan yu in tyger but i feel like he hasnt gotten to show his voice much :( he did really well tho!!! he really has impressive stage presence

omg lin mo’s super shy “1 day” ahhhhh 

omg wang jiayi looks like hes about to cry... the poor child....

yixing reaching out to apologize to them.... hes really so caring towards them...... wang jiayi just needs more confidence!! i believe in him too

where did lin mo get this white cap from? lol he chose the pink one..... on a related note, im so happy lin mo got to be in yixing’s group, bc from the beginning with namanana hes really really tried so hard to earn yixing’s recognition, im sure it means a lot to him to be able to learn from him like this and share a stage with him 

yao mingming too, i feel like he really values yixing’s recognition as well

i think all the kids in this group had to have known that picking yixing’s group would be the most tiring and require the most effort, but i think choosing this group regardless just really shows they came here to learn 

A HAPPY BABYYY

omg like yixing is really /teaching/ them and i appreciate that

lin mo and xu fangzhou’s voices!!!!!!

OOF IM SO READY FOR THIS OUTFIT 

ASLDKALSDKJLAK HE WINKED!!!!!!!!!!!

what is this awkward closeup

why does fangzhou have wings lol

i feel like theres a lot of random awkward closeups of lin mo.... should i be happy about this??? LOL i dont think theyre all very flattering but at the same time at least hes got closeups....???? ? ??  

OOF HES GETTING MORE LINES THAN I EXPECTED TOO

you know how ive talked about how i love how much detail lin mo puts into his dancing, including even his slight head tilts? LOOK ANOTHER HEAD TILT 

HAHAHAHHAHA GUAN YUE’S EYES GOT SO BIG HAHAHHAHA OMGGG

ooof lin mo getting to sing the chorus with yixing im !!!!!! im sure hes so grateful for this opportunity wow also i think i mentioned this with namanana but i really think lin mo suits yixing’s dance style, like its a style that hes pulls off really well, so i think he got to shine a bit in this performance :’)

ok i havent said this yet but what is with that thick black fade at the top of the screen its so annoying??? like why you gotta cover the top of their heads??? 

wow we’re really getting a lot of random lin mo shots hahahha is this iqiyi repenting their wrongs from ‘spirit of the knight’ i almost am surprised how yao mingming isnt getting the most screentime but then i remember iqiyi has never favored yao mingming........ /sigh

AYYY WENXUAN AND LIN MO THE BUDDIES

just look at how perfectly tilted / well-positioned lin mo’s head is wow and that gaze wow i just love his stage presence

yea im gonna have to rewatch this perf to gif the lin mo moments.... maybe after the finale tomorrow when ill be like oop lin mo didnt make it in oh well let me just wallow in his talent that the audience slept on by drowning myself in lin mo content (its not like i do that every day already)

LOL THAT CAMERA SPIN WAS SUCH A FAIL YOU CANT SEE ANYONE CEPT WENXUAN ADJUSTING HIS MIC HAHAHHAHA ok on a side note tho im glad wenxuan got to be in this group too!! yuehua’s dancer getting to show us his dancing again :’) and we all know he was discouraged being reshuffled into “maze” and i just wanna say wenxuan deserves more credit for being able to really go out of his comfort zone and pull off the cute concept in “maze” well even tho he didnt want to accept it at first! 

HES PERFECT 

hey yall is it just me or did you see lin mo’s eyes in that really fast flashy bit at the end of the preview for the finale? HAHHAHAHA i couldnt even screenshot it bc it was so fast, but i swear i saw his eyes so i think he was in it LOOOL

JSUT KIDDING I WENT BACK AND TRIED AGAIN AND I GOT IT

I KNEW I SAW HIS EYES HAHAHAHHAHA

oo i havent mentioned this before but i really like the sound of chen sijians voice, even when speaking... 

OMG GU LANDI

OMGGGG MY CHILD YE ZIMING IN FREAKING TARZAN NEXT DOOR??!???

THIS IS TOO MUCH!!!!!!! THANKS FOR REMINDING US HOW IQIYI TOTALLY SLIGHTED THIS BOY OUT OF GETTING INTO TOP 35

aw honestly i wonder if lian huaiwei will really not make it tomorrow.....  

omg sun zelin in the ending credits!!!!

OMG ZHAN YU TOOOOOOO

OOF LOOK AT ZHAN YU’S JAWLINE (ooops sorry yechen ahhahhhaa)

they must really like this part of the choreo?? 

BUT I LOVE THIS LOOK ON YECHEN YESSS

lol is this lin mo’s back

tbh im surprised they didnt include lin mo in the ending credits but i think they were trying to make up for the loss of yao mingming time earlier LOOL 

ok well i have about 10 hrs until i gotta wake up to watch the finale so.... now to go watch fjj and hcx’s goodnight dachang HAHAH

[delilahmidnight]

The pure, desperate, unadulterated relief in eves voice when she sees that annies ok

Bonnie JUMPING the fuck up when annie walks in Annie reassuring the kids but forbidding any of them from going anywhere alone Also eve and Michaela are wearing scarlet to annie and laurels teal and dark blue

Eve reassuring annie with a soft smile that shes normal and messed up and thats ok Annie rejecting eves offer of security for nate (a man), and bonnie the pining lesbian popping in to say said dude is here this show is home of phobie honestly

Soft gay laurel standing protectively over Michaela and squeezing her hands while Michaela sinks onto the couch and has a panic attack k i l l m e

Kill mahoney lol

A black woman asserting her personhood in front of a black man and a white woman, both of whom love her

I love bonnie more than anything, which is why I am asking someone to either turn down the ac in that office or get her a sweater,, Laurel being all (ง'̀-'́)ง at the ada and bonnie just being like "laurel pls" sfdshfjjgkh Laurel translating for bonnie bc she knows neither she nor annie would turn on her for no reason Laurel speaking Spanish is gonna put me in the ground hNNNNNNNG BABY YOU LOOK SO GOOD SMIRKING AT CONNORS JOKE

LOOK AT HER SHE'S SO BEAUTIFUL

BONNIE THROWING SHADE AT BEARDO RIGHT IN FRONT OF ASHER

LIKE LOOK AT HER SHE'S SO FIERCE AND AMAZING AND READY TO KILL

Frank thinks laurel and bonnie are close enough that laurel would have confided in her. Nice.

I. AM. GOING. TO. KILL. FRANK. WITH. MY. OWN. TWO. HANDS. IF. HE. EVER. COMES. NEAR. HER. AGAIN.

How FUCKING dare he. How ACTUALLY, FUCKING dare he. I swear to god ill kill him, get the FUCK away from her you DISGUSTING PIECE OF SHIT. Bitty baby was SO scared, how dare he make her feel that way. Im gonna kill him, ill fucking murder him myself I swear it.

I LOVE WATCHING ANNIE "ABUSING" FRANK IT'S MY FAVORITE SONG

Ommmmm annie has to hide the vodka from bonnie bc she knows she'd never let her drink so soon after a trauma

I honestly dont think anyone in that room is actually a bad person. Except frank whom I fucking abhor.

tauba astaghfirullah, what a horrible crash--I can never watch a car crash scene without thinking of this scene, the "on my way" scene from glee, and that episode of svu with liv and kathy.

IM SCREEEEEEEEEEEECHING MY SWEET SHY AWKWARD BABY TRYING TO ROLE PLAY SHES ALL TEENY AND BLUSHY AND AWKWARD AND SMILEY MY LITTLE SWEETLING PUMPKIN I LOVE HER SO MUCH

This desi doctor has dimples and Im falling in lovvvveeeee

Annie hiding the vodka when she knows its Bonnie at the door

Laurel straight up rejecting Frank 👌👌👌

Laurel being the hated person again to protect coliver. Shes such a slytherin sometimes I love her.

Bonnie jaanu trying to take care of annie but annie is stressed and drunk and mean, so she goes to leave but annie goads her into staying, like shes enjoying torturing her; and bonnie fires back with something she knows will bother annie--and shes right, and annie hurts her back, bc of course shes jealous of this boy deep down but she can't bring herself to admit that, to show weakness in front of annie, bc all she wants is to protect annie and make her happy, but this boy is fucking with her in ways she jsut cant figure out and cant fix, and then annie reaches her breaking point and just explodes at all the kids--

Michaela is a fucking terrible dancer, but that doesn't stop laurel from watching her hungrily from the bar

I.....dont even have words to describe how fucking much this scene completely destroyed me. Annie thinks this was her fault, not just for pushing in the case but for not being prepared or willing to have this baby. Fucking awful. Ju st....kill me

and GOD, eve wanting to be there for her but not being able to, and her heart breaking for the love of her life and the baby she so cruelly mocked just days ago--i can't imagine how she must feel

KILL👏 THIS👏 BASTARD 👏 MAHONEY 👏👏👏

Ok but why would rose killing herself stop mahoney from hurting wes?

seriously??? asher and michaela????? Bad

NO ANNIE MY DARLING I CANT STAND THIS MAKE IT STOP

my sweetling darling baby child, she has to ask if she should be scared of the caveman, im going to rip that piece of shit limb from limb for scaring my child

so Frank and bon are going to try to keep it a secret from annie that frank killed lila on sams orders; meanwhile laurel tells annie anyway. BUT laurel says he did it on Annies orders, not sams. And annie....what? Her whole reality is flipped on its head?--she cant trust the person who she thought she could, and everyone thinks shes the cause of all this horribleness...so she runs home to her mother, which, honestly, same

[17sunday]

writing on the day of dec. 6 2019

this week has been so fucking wild I had to document it or else my sleep depravation will make me forget it by tomorrow!

sunday - dec. 1 thanksgiving weekend has come to a close and i’m FUCKED, like I have so many fucking projects to complete (mind you, these are all master’s level courses) and I’ve sort of started, but I know the biggest hurdle for all of them has yet to be completed. I have severe anxiety on things not getting done and i will literally stay up if I feel like I am not making enough progress on something...so guess what I stay up till 6 am in order to run this code on Rstudio (sleep count: 3 hours)

monday - dec. 2 I am a teaching assistant for capstone, so I can’t sleep in and go to class to help out my students, keep in mind i’m tired, but I can usually thrive off of 3 hours if its only a day and I take a nap. turns out i had a lot more to do for my project presentation on tuesday than i thought (ah it always becomes that way huh?) and I had no nap because i had to go to office hours for last minute checks, then I had to work on the code....but at 1AM when I was generating the graphs, I reached an error and its hard to explain the logistics but I had to REDO all the coding analysis again and i was on such of a crunch on time yall that I COULDNT EVEN CRY AND HAVE A BREAKDOWN WHAT THE FUCK AND I SLEPT AT FUCKING ASS O CLOCK 6 AM (sleep count: 6 hours)

tuesday - dec. 3 i have a presentation in this advanced bio class (i wont specifically name the class just in case LOL) and I think I did well but my professor asks me (and everyone in the class) to do another coding shit YET HE TELLS ONE STUDENT SHE DID A LOT AND JUST ADD TO DISCUSSION LIKE U FUCKING BITCH WE ALL WORKED HARD *victoria justice voice* HOW DARE HE BULLSHIT US LIKE THAT, HE KNOWS DAMN WELL WE ALL WORK HARD AND NOW WE HAVE EXTRA SHIT AND THIS BITCH GETS NONE IM DONE WITH THIS FAVORITISM I SWEAR TO GOD but several people liked my presentation and said i did a great job so i felt so RELIEVED after the presentation, IT WAS DONE THE CODE WAS DONE and then I had lunch with jake and thai and we had the funniest fucking conversations i love them so much

THEN I HAD A FUCKING PITCH TO MAKE FOR WEDNESDAY AND I HAD A WEDNESDAY MEETING AT 8 AM BUT I SLEPT AT 6 AM AGAIN BTICH LMAO I ended up telling my professor I couldn’t make the meeting and they were fine with it, I’m glad I have an understanding professor who won’t pressure us and is understanding when things come up

I showed up to class at maybe 10:30 AM? (sleep count: 10.5 hours)

wednesday - dec. 4 I’m walking death at this point. I stayed up to finish my pitch, i watched m*mas and that show was bullshit and a waste of time aka svt deserved daesang butttttt whatevers, I go to class and I’m working on other assignments and take a 30 minute nap before my 4:50PM class (which goes until 7:30 mind you). I show up to class and we do our presentations. I’m already in a rough state of mind, and i always compare myself to others so when my professor heavily complimented my peers and didn’t leave room for a nice compliment for me I was so devastated and it probably showed on my face i was on verge of TEARS. I’ve dealt with so much bullshit I couldn’t even face this I was literally just working off of no sleep and my constant self-deprecation made me sensitive but I talked to both jake and thai and they made me see a perspective i would have never seen before. before i left the class i reached out to my professor on what I can improve and she gave me pointers and she is good at reading people’s faces and said “its great bea...its so great!!” and i felt INFINITELY TIMES BETTER! she’s also so so kind to me. My friend a/hmad also said “bea i dont want you to depend on others to say good job, because no matter what, someone will always critique you” and that really hit me hard, for the first time i thought about how i perceive myself and how dependent i am to receive verbal affirmation from other people. I realized i no longer wanted to be tied to that. I want to have confidence from MYSELF because i know my OWN worth, not because i’m happy someone else sees me as worthy....it was a catalyst and now im learning...i feel like i always learn something big in college in terms of my self growth and I am SO happy for that... anyway my team and i worked late into the evening for a cyber project to figure out how to alter a PID controller and I almost broke down but my team and I were working hard and eventually we reached a solution (not what I thought would be the best, but Muthuswamy was on board!!!) and my team said “ok we aren’t getting anywhere lets go home” when it was 11PM and we all agreed. We, and me especially have been dying this week and the rest would do us good, my friends all pleaded for me to sleep early and I promised them i would :(( i love how worried they are, their kindness touches me!!! ALSO JAKE GAVE US RIDES BACK TO OUR PLACES AND FUCKING PUT ON TOKYO DRIFT AND DRIFTED LOLOLOLOLOOLOLOL

slept at 2 AM (sleep count - 18 hours)

thursday - dec. 5 FINALLY I GOT 7 HOURS OF SLEEP! I TRUSTED MY TEAM AND LET US ALL REST TO WORK HARD TOMORROW. I showed up to class where I realized the bullshit where the favorite student got to do nothing and we do everything LOL but i was whatevers about it. afterwards I booked it to the tutoring center to finish up the presentation. Jake clutched and got all the graphs looking PRETTY I LOVED IT! HE IS A TRUE BRO! we went to class a little later but muthuswamy went through presentations and was impressed and jsut wanted to make sure we make robust testing in the report which made me SO HAPPY! he seemed to recognize us and our efforts too!!! IM SO GLAD HE LIKED IT

we then had to work on homework and i swear we had the funniest fucking conversations like a/hmad’s team texts him please in front of each text and so he started texting please in the first part too LMAOOO IM SO DEAD, then like both a/hmad and s/teven worked on the homework cause j/ke and i did the project LOLLLLL and jake and i would fucking LAUGH at everything cause what is this BULLSHIT we’re learning HAHAHAHAHAH

THEN JAKE SANG HALO IN THE HALLWAY WHEN IT WAS ECHOY AND WHEN HE WALKED IN HE GOT STANDING OVATION FROM CURRENT SENIORS LMAOO

we turn in the homework by 8 and thai and i leave by 9:30 to get ihop. we were angry at service but the server who just clocked in was so NICE AHHHHHHH, we had our regular sleepover and i practiced for pitch FOR THIS STARTUP COMPETITION slept at 3am (sleep count: 25 hours)

friday (today) - dec. 6  SO NO ONE REPLIED WHAT TIME I HAD TO HELP OUT AS FACILITATOR SO I JUST SHOWED UP AT 12PM AT THE PRESENTING AREA. I enjoyed talking to my students and got some action shots taken of me hehe. then i went to the presentation and KILLED IT AND MY TEAM WON 10K OMG, i will elaborate later, still processing churro n taco LOL