#this happened last year and i just. My left wrist is now still the crunchiest part fo my body.

[friiday-thirteenth]

guys im bored hear abt how i broke my arm. TW for broken bones, dissassociation, vomiting, drugs and needles. Also this is like. Therapy. Idk.

weird thing about it was that i was feeling intense happiness, because I’d just confirmed my classes for the next year and i was jsut. Really happy.

So i did this little twirly thing??? idk. Anyway, my ankle went out under my, i put my hand back and crack.

I know there was a definite seperation between the before and after of this. Like, the adrenaline made it feel like I was aware of everything.

After I fell, and after the crack, I stood up fast. I didn’t realise my wrist was fucked until I saw it - and it wasn’t a compound fracture, the skin was still unbroken. But it looked fucking nasty. It was supposed to be held straight, but the wrist was shifted.... up. And it was floppy, but I could control it if I wanted to be in immense amounts of pain.

I started walking over to my P.E. teacher. I said his name once, really loudly - and then he didn’t hear me, so I kept walking. I was cradling my wrist against my body at this point, and I just needed to move. It helped distract from my pain at that point.

When I reached him and he saw my wrist he was like fuck. He didn’t say it, but I could see it, and he said, “ Okay, we need to get you to the sickbay and call your parents.”

Okay, this happened before that when I was walking over. One of the people who was around me had walked beside me and was asking questions, and I straight up said, “Ruby, if you don’t walk away right now, I will either scream or burst into tears and scream, please go away.” I couldn’t handle anyone being near me.

Then when we were walking off the turf (where we were doing P.E. that day, as opposed to the gym.) one of the guys saw my arm and was like holy shit and I’m 99% sure I just looked at him with a really worried look. My face was going white I’m pretty sure, which is weird because I’m naturally flushed quite a lot of the time.

We had to walk up stairs. That fucking sucked. The pain was fine whenever it wasn’t jolting me, and we were walking fast, so you can imagine how I was trying to be very careful.

I’m 99% sure I was terrified that I was going to tip over again, and that would’ve hurt. I was just focusing on staying on my feet.

We got to the office/sickbay and they sat me down. I made myself get my retainer out of my mouth because it was.... foreign. I was going to - I’d say have a panic attack, but I’m not sure that’s the correct name for it - do something bad if I kept it in, because there was something already wrong with me and I just couldn’t handle it.

Also I asked if I could swear. Like, “Um, would it be okay if I, uh, swore?” and the person in there with me looked at me like wtf child and said i could.

Later, one of the teachers who’d walked by told me that they had no idea I had that filthy a mouth on me. Swearing helped a lot.

They made me put my wrist in this makeshift sling thing, which made me want to fucking cry. They sent someone to get my bag, and I told them to leave as soon as they’d gotten it, because I couldn’t handle any of my peers seeing my like that. probably because I felt extremely vulnerable.

I never swore at anyone. I can remember not wanting to, because I didn’t feel that they deserved it? Like, I didn’t want to take my pain out on them. Very strange.

They didn’t give me any panadol or nuramol or nurofen (pretty sure that isn’t how you spell it but eh). I can remember that, because they said that it might react badly to whatever drugs they gave me in the hospital.

When my mum got there, we went over to the car and I put my seatbelt on myself bc im independant like that, before I rolled my head back and scream-said to my mother to hurry up please I feel like I’m dying. Because she was talking to my teacher.

At that point I was being a melodramatic shit, because my pain level I think? was a four, unless I moved my arm, then it jolted into a six.

Anyway. I sung/murmured hamilton songs really fast as we drove the like, five minutes to the hospital because that helped distract me from the pain.

When we got to the hospital and the emergency room, we ended up waiting like 20 minutes which were all hell. My dad came at one point and I told mum he needed to leave because I couldn’t handle having him there. Not for any bad reasons, just that I fucking hated dealing with people and if I had to deal with him I’d cry.

I didn’t cry at any point during this, which was weird. I didn’t like that.

Someone gave me two panadol or something, which didn’t help in the least. They got mum to fill out an acc form - I can remember her asking me things. The pain was bad, like a constant throbbing that was there. I’m pretty sure I started not being there at some point during the time I was waiting. It was easier than dealing with it all, because there were people staring at me and my arm and I wanted to scream at them because none of them were as bad as me and why the fuck are you staring at me.

Anyway. When the nurse came - she was really nice - she got me into a room and to sit on a bed, and then we waited for what was maybe half an hour? There was an old guy dying or nearly dying in the room beside mine and I felt like.... weird because of it. It didn’t feel right, that he was dying.

When they got me a doctor - after me scaring the shit out of a nurse who I thought was a doctor  (i still cringe at the memory) - he ws really nice. He was wearing a haiwaiian shirt and was supposed to be going home, and I was quite lucky that they’d caught him as he was leaving.

They got me on some nitrous oxide to calm me down, or to take the pain away.

Now here’s where thigns get a little less linear, I think.

I can’t remember when they put the I.V. in, whether it was before or after the x-ray. The x-ray was hell, because they made me put my munted arm flat on the cold surface of whatever the fuck they were using for the xray. I had dropped the nitrous oxide tube thingy out of my mouth at that point.

The nitrous oxide was nice. It made me feel tired, and when the dude stuck the needle in my arm and then put the I.V. in, I didn’t care about it. I hadn’t been worried before, perse, just uncomfortable because of the whole broken wrist dealie.

Anyway. X-rays. They said I’d broken the tip off my radius. Then the I.V. Then they got an anathesiologist to come in and explain what was going to happen to me.

This whole time they’d explain exactly what they were going to do, because I asked. A lot. I needed to know what was happening so that then I would know what was going on and that was jus tme reiterating what I’d just said ahaha

Anyway. He explained the options, and in the end they decided to give me ketamine.

For those who don’t know, ketamine is a horse tranquilizer. Its also fucking nasty, coming back up from it.

Mum signed a waiver stating that the hospital wasn’t responsible if I died or something.

This was because, as they explained, ketamine shuts off a part of the brain. If too much of it is used, then you die because it shuts off your breathing, your heart, etc. They had shit that would stop that, if anything bad happened. They put electrodes on me at one point. At least, I think that’s what they were called.

They also might’ve upped the dosage, because what could’ve happened was that they fucked up setting my arm the first time, and they had to cut it out and redo it. If they’d redone it, I’d’ve had to go into theatre.

The whole time this was happening I was terrified I was going to out myself to my mum. I have an odd track record of saying weird shit randomly while I’m in pain.

Ketamine also takes you into a dreamland, which is why drug addicts can get addicted. You basically lucid dream, but way more intensely than normal, if you’ve ever ahd a lucid dream. Or it can take you into an absolutely hellish nightmare scape, if you aren’t thinking good things when you go under.

I had neither. I didn’t even know I’d gone under. What happpened was that they put the ketamine in the I.V., and a minute late I was out.

It felt like blinking. When I opened my eyes, it was like in movies where they blink and its a new scene each time.

Blink. They were moving me to the x-ray. My head ached. My eyes wouldn’t focus. Someone was talking about their car.

Blink. They were moving my arm.

Blink. They were moving me back to the room I’d been in.

Every time I moved my head, it just. It was on another side. I couldn’t focus my eyes for three quarters of an hour. I felt tired, and sleepy, and like shit.

Thye got me to sit up at one point. I nearly vomited. They gave me a pill. It was chalky and the taste was nasty.

When they got me to move from the bed to a chair, I vomited.

I hadn’t eaten for longer than six hours, at that point. It was bile coming up. It burnt my throat. I couldn’t stop.

When I forced myself to breathe again and stop vomiting, they gave me water and left me for a minute. They had people they needed to get in the room, I think, so I was trying to move. They got me into a chair in a bit that was in between the x-ray room and where I’d been. Mum talked with someone else who was there with her daughter.

The cast was big and white, because of the type of break. It was heavy and they put me in a sling when I left. I was able to walk straight. They’d been concerned I wouldn’t be. I’m pretty sure I thanked everyone who’d helped, if I saw them.

Mum took me to get subway. Then we went home.

My sibling had broken their arm around about a year and two weeks before I’d broken mine. Their’s had been the two bones in their lower arm. They’d had to go into theatre for it and have trauma around it. My parents won’t get them to go to therapy and they won’t go willingly

When I got home, they had a panic attack or some shit and started screaming at me when I was short at them. Fuck them for that.

I went into a room and started messaging my friends. i videocalled them and showed them my arm. i was acting all stupid and weird about it by being really silly and stuff. I didn’t feel like any of it was happening, even though I knew it was. At some point I found out I had the electrode thingies still on me. I pulled them off.

People were so concerned about me, it was weird. I ended up responding to them individually as opposed to not. Someone thought that it was a joke and that everyone was lying about it. I gave them a play-by-play and they believed it then.

Even weeks after it happened, it still felt vaguely not real. The first time I cried about it was seven days after, when I tried and failed to make homemade macaroni and cheese.

I learnt that the chunk of bone beside the wrist - the one down at the top of the ulna - had completely seperated from the rest of the bone.

All the wrist bones and muscles had pulled back, which was my wrist had been so weird.

Everyone who helped me was really nice. I’m glad that they were nice, because I got told later about doctors who were bitches and were in the emergency department. Also got told that ketamine was really fucking weird for them to be giving me.

I got prescribed Tramadol. Mum and dad wouldn’t let me take any of it. my sibling had been prescribed it when they’d broken their arm. they’d taken it. Apparently tramadol can put you in a depressive state.

i don’t know what would’ve happened to me if I’d taken it at that point. even before the arm my head was in a bad place. I’m better now though.

I pushed through the pain on panadol.

I broke my arm on a friday. saturday, sunday, I spent at home. Monday I went to school. Felt like passing out at some point.

Yeah, that’s basically what happened when I broke my arm

[thattahoeecojournalist]

Hallows of the Unhallowed

Title: Hollows of the Unhallowed Word Count: 2,430 Project/Pairing: Saint Bellamare RP (Sebastian/Raphael) Genres: Horror, Mystery Warnings: Creep factor, Some cussing Notes: This was based on a real nightmare that I had. I woke up from it and immediately took notes that eventually became this short story.

    “No, Raph. What I’m saying is that I don’t understand how you got into Rune Theory and Application” I tucked my notebook filled with scrawled gibberish back into the satchel.     “And I’m saying that it feels like you think I cheated on the exam to get in” Raph stopped just long enough for me to put my stuff away and continued stomping on the crunchiest leaves his feet could find.    “I never said anything about the fairness of your acceptance”, he turned around to look at me while I thought of a suitable end to the sentence, “Just that I can’t fathom how you passed” He frowned and put a hand on his hip.      “Are you saying you don’t think I’m smart enough for this class?” Yes. Precisely.     “No, absolutely not” He kept frowning and turned around to look through the trees. I might not have answered quickly enough for his liking.      “Hey, what time you got?” Oh thank god. He got distracted. I looked at my wrist.      “It’s about seven thirty” He mused for a second motioning for me to hurry up.     Rune Theory was in a class building separated from the main campus by a sizable forest. It’d take us until nightfall to get back. As it was, the lamps lining both sides of the street glowed to life.     I caught up to Raph and we walked on as evening turned to dusk. The trees overhead grew thicker until the sky was blotted out by the leaves. For a while we kept up with the synchronized glow of the lamps. No sooner had the fog rolled into the trees when the lamps raced to full brightness in mere seconds, lighting up the road until we couldn’t see it anymore.      “Think we’re gonna make it in time to grab grub from the kitchen?” Raph asked, rummaging around in my bag.      “We’re not even gonna make curfew at this point,” I replied, glancing down at my watch again, “And I keep dry ingredients in there so don’t touch them” He yanked his hand out and wiped it on his shirt. I stood on tiptoe trying to catch a peak of the campus. Nothing. I’ve lost it completely. “Do you think we should jog the rest of the way?”      Raph raised an eyebrow and looked around as though looking for something. “I’m not running to make it in time for fuckin curfew, Seb” He patted my shoulder as a glimpse of the moon peered through the trees.       “We’re takin' a shortcut anyhow. Follow me” he trudged off the street and into the forest, snapping twigs and branches louder than if a stampede of bears had gone by. I didn’t follow him and he turned around. “What’s the matter?”       “You’re sure this is a shortcut?” I asked, hesitant to follow Raph blindly into a dark forest with the possibility of starving to death on our own looming over me. He sighed and pointed at where the moon was.      “Campus is southwest of us right? Moon’s there. So campus is this way, I promise” I don’t feel better but following him on his hunch sounds better than being alone in the street.       The trees feel bigger in the dark. The fog thickened and obscured any sign that the moon hung in the sky at any point. “Got your lamp with you?” Raph asked, stopping and nearly causing me to walk right into his back.      “No, it’s on my desk” He stumbled over to a tree and ripped a piece of bark off of it. I couldn’t tell what he was doing but he fiddled with it for a good couple seconds. A spark flared followed by another. The piece of bark burst into flames at one end and it illuminated the small area around us. Raph shook the match he had and grinded it into the dirt with his shoe.      “Hurry up then. This won’t last long” he said, heading off faster into the forest. I kept close to his back, feeling my skin crawl with each new sound the forest offered.         At this point, Raph’s stomping was a welcoming ambience in comparison to the mystery of what’s out there.     All the trees looked the same after a while. I hoped that Raph knew what he was doing because I certainly had no idea where we were. Wait. One of these trees looked different from the others.     “Hey hold on” I said, tugging on Raph’s shirt. He obeyed and followed me to the anomaly. It was a sign. Maybe it’d point us toward the campus.      Hollows of the Unhallowed, it read. It looks like someone carved it with a knife. A shiver took hold of my spine and I turned around. All these trees were not only dead; they looked as though their innards were ripped out and disappeared.      “Raph, what happened” The surroundings were plunged into darkness as Raph let out a squeal of pain. The embers from the bark hit the damp ground and were extinguished upon contact.      Now that we weren’t moving, the forest noises resumed. Frogs croaked quietly, crickets chirped, and branches strained against strange sounding wind. Due to the acoustics of the forest, it sounded like whispering.      “Once” some of it sounded like. “Tree” other parts sounded like. Raph tapped me and I nodded. He heard it too. It’s whispering. We turned around in circles trying to place where it was coming from. It seemed to come from all around us.      “Who are you” Raph shouted. He couldn’t hide the shakiness in his voice.      “Once”      “Around”      “We”     “Tree” It almost seemed melodic. Different parts were sung in eerie harmony. Other’s clashed in tone deaf waves of sound. I wish I could hear all the words they said. A shiver went down my spine as the whispering got quieter. Like the song was ending.       “Hide” I barely was able to pick it up when all the whispering said it in unison. It wasn’t until then that I noticed that the frogs and crickets were silent as well.      Raph reached out and his strong hands grabbed my shirt. He shoved me violently into a nearby hollow tree, following after me. I opened my mouth to protest.     “Hey-” He covered my mouth with one hand and kept his other hand on my chest, keeping me firmly pressed against the back of the tree.     Nothing happened out there. No sound, no light, no disturbance of any kind. Then it felt like my head was tight and sweat began to form on my skin. The leaves outside didn’t crunch so much as rustle and compress. I could hardly see it but a footprint formed in the dirt outside our hollow. Whatever it was, it was huge. No leg or foot was attached to it but the footprint was deep and extended out for a few yards into gnarled toe prints.      The small clearing outside our tree didn’t look like something was filling the space but a small feeling inside me knew that something tangible was right outside. It didn’t make a sound as it moved so much as cause a shift in air pressure.       Raph pressed further against me and I picked up a small rumbling noise that ended with Raph’s eyes meeting mine. His mouth worded “Sorry”. Damn it Raph. My teeth clenched and my muscles tightened up in response. The air pressure changed dramatically and another footprint appeared next to its companion, facing toward our hiding spot. I wanted to shrink into a ball and make a smaller target for it but it’d surely hear me.       Just when I thought it left and moved my hand to tell Raph to get off, thick fog curled in around the trunk. The fog ended in sharp roots and took the shape of three long nails that snaked like tendrils into the bark above our heads. At the ends it crunched into the wood.       The air pressure increased until I thought my eardrums would burst. It felt as though it trapped us at the bottom of a lake. At that moment, something off in the distance sounded eerily melodious.     “Once….around…the tree….we go” it sung. The air thinned. “Once…around…the tree….we go” it repeated, getting closer. The air returned to normal and I quietly took in as much air as my lungs could hold. Raph’s eyes were trained on the clearing and I followed his gaze. I could make out a human figure. They stood in the open not even making an attempt to hide from whatever’s out there.       And…they just kept singing. The same sentence. Over and over.      Without warning, the area around them lit up as though a spotlight was trained on them. It looked like a second year student. Short cropped brown hair and casual evening attire. They looked completely unfazed. A loud hissing as though steam was escaping a container filled the air and the spotlight disappeared leaving us temporarily blinded in the sudden darkness.       My night vision returned to me slowly but my ears picked up whispering. “Once….around…the tree….we go” it whispered. Finally my eyes snapped into focus and the student was gone. In its place was a large dead tree with no innards.     “Run” I heard from somewhere inside our hollow. Raph took my hand and we dashed out into the woods. He had a much faster pace and I was practically being dragged behind him. I couldn’t see where we were going. Trees blurred by us as we sprinted as quickly as we could. The muscles in my throat tightened and I could tell it was following us. No matter how fast we’d run, it felt like it kept pace with us easily. My lungs burned and my legs felt like they’d fallen off. I turned around quickly to see if it was still following us.      My feet hit a large root and I lost my grip on Raph’s hand. I tumbled forward into the dirt falling on my face and skidding to a halt on my side. I turned on the creature desperately trying to back crawl away from it. Two blinding light circles above a glowing savage grin hovered somewhere in the darkest fog conglomeration near the low branches, looking down at me. The circles got closer and the grin got bigger.     For once, I didn’t feel anything. My head was full of pressure and I couldn’t hear anything but those things didn’t matter. My thoughts, fears, anxieties, had run off. The circles, like eyes, focused on me and grew brighter.      Something got in front of me and put itself between me and it. Raph. The spotlight turned off and we were alone in the dark again save for a small flickering light in Raph’s hand. It was a match. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear the tree still whispering his sentence. Raph turned to me, eyes wide and shouted. I couldn’t hear him. He took a hold of my shoulder and shook it really hard.      “Sebastian!” he shouted. I heard him but only barely over the tree whispering. “Stop saying that” he shouted, finally drowning out the whispering. That was when I felt my mouth moving.       “Once around the-“I halted and my ears finally reconnected to my brain. That wasn’t the tree saying it. My heart pounded in my chest and I gasped for breath.     “Sebastian, get up. We’re almost there” he shouted again, dragging me to my feet. Right. Almost there. He fumbled for his matches and shoved a few into my hand. “I think I scared it off” He’s wrong. I can still feel it. Waiting.      His match flickered and he lit another one with the dying one. “I don’t think it likes the light” he said, turning us toward our destination. He’s right. Beyond the immediate trees lay only a field between us and the nearest campus building.      “Where is it” I asked Raph. He shook his head and took my hand again, walking us toward the field.     “Darkness” a chorus of quiet whispers responded from all around us. Raph’s grip tightened on me. I squeezed his hand in return and looked around at the shadows cast off by Raph’s match. It felt like every shadow had a grinning face now. I struck a match on his tinderbox and held it up. He kept his facing the campus. Mine faced the forest. Together we made our way through the field certain that we couldn’t be snuck up on.      We had bigger worries.     A stiff breeze picked up as we reached the epicenter of the field. My match was blown out. I whirled around to see that Raph’s match had gone out as well. We spared a flash of horror before we ran. Raph kept at my side urging me to run faster. I obliged. The pressure descended upon us as we neared the doors.      Raph sprinted to the door and pulled it open. I didn’t hesitate. I dove in and landed in a crumple on the stone floor. Raph yanked the door shut and landed near me. Something huge collided with the door. Then nothing. It was gone. My whole body shook. Sweat poured off of me and Raph was panting heavily next to me.      We lay there for a long time, not speaking. We didn’t speak as we got up and struck a match each, lighting our way to our dorm room. Raph fell onto his bed within seconds of me opening the door.      “Sebastian” he said, his voice hoarse. I looked at him as I turned on the lamp and sat on my bed. “If you ever freeze like that again, I can’t promise that I can save you” he said gravely. My blood ran cold. It doesn’t feel like something I could help. And yet I might not survive because of it.     “Yeah, ok. I won’t” I lied. I can’t make that promise. He turned over, satisfied with my answer. Within moments, his breathing got heavy and he snored softly. I wish I could’ve gone to sleep that easily. I didn’t sleep that night and my lamp stayed on until it ran out of oil the next day. I didn’t speak about the incident again hoping that it was all just a nightmare. Something I could just wave away as a sleep addled brain running with its imagination.       Sometimes at night though, if I concentrate hard enough I can hear the whispers. And it all comes flooding back accompanied by the image of that terrible grin. To this night, I keep a light on while I sleep…just in case.