#I ONLY STARTED LISTENING TO THEM ON THE 29TH OF JULY!!!!!!!

[oneflydude]

would we be friends if this was the only thing you knew about me

[romanarose]

Banner by @winniethewife

Oscar Issac/Pedro Pascal Fan Art and Fiction Pride Event 2024

Hello friends!

Let's try this again and I'll try to be more clear to not invoke discourse. That being said, it is *my* event and if you'd like to run one a certain way, go nuts. However, this is how I'm doing it.

I had a lot of fun doing Dead Dove December and the Triple Frontier Anniversary Event so I decided I wanted to do an event for pride this year! I know it seems far away right now, especially given how many of us in north America are still cold af, but I wanna give everyone time!

Each week of pride will have a theme to write or draw for (you don't have to do all of them! Think of it like kinktober.) at the end, I will put out a masterlist (or multiple depending how many)so we can all share each other's work.

Why?

Oscar Isaac and Pedro Pascal are both allies to LGBT people, Pedro having played multiple queer rolls and having likened his sexuality to that of Prince Oberyn. Despite none of the characters being canon queer, Triple Frontier specifically lends itself to queer stories. Recently, theres been a rise in stories of Oscar characters in relationships or Pedro characters in relationships which I love.

What I'd really like to do is encourage people to think past x fem!reader or canon presentation of characters. I want to encourage gay, lesbian, bisexual relationships, trans readers, trans interpretations of characters etc. More content guidelines will be in the what section.

Where?

Primarily tumblr.com, our very own shithole hellsight. However, especially given tumblr's censorship vs. twitter, I am encouraging posting on twitter or wherever you'd like. If you post something elsewhere, send me a link or send me a post you made about it on tumblr and I'll promote the link.

Additionally if you only write on ao3, I'd love for you to participate too! Once again, just send the link!

When?

in order to do the week by week themes and hold all of June, there will be 6 weeks from May 26th-July 6th

Each week will have themes. I won't be policing the weeks and these so if you do the 1st week on july 3rd, that's fine. The themes are keeping in mind both artists and writers. I only got one artist for DDD, a great piece and I've love to see more! Ideas are just for spit balling, do your own take!

May 26th-June 1st: Coming out. Ideas: Coming out to family, lover, friend. Finding gender affirming clothes/hair, first pride

June 2nd-8th: Transitioning Ideas: Surgary, surgery scars, starting T or E, binding (safely!!!)

June 9th-15th: Sex/kissing First time together, first time with certain biology or the same sex, sweet kisses, smut showing scars,

June 16th-22nd: Food, fashion, fun

All things queer culture and culture of different religions, racial or country backgrounds, queer fashion, gender affirming clothes, Keshet (קשת), listening to Lady Gaga or Bruce Springsteen, watching a queer movie

June 23rd-29th: Struggles Rejection, reconciling faith and identity, missing family that rejected one, comfort, candlelight vigil, day of remembrance.

June 30th- July 6th:Strength Asserting ones or a partner/friend/family's pronouns, standing up against hate, being loudly and proudly yourself, pride events

Who?

Writers and artists in any form are welcome. I also want to encourage working with each other, writers and artists together!

For characters: Any Oscar Isaac or Pedro Pascal character has to at least be in the relationship. Other characters in universes can be done, such as FishBen.

Reader can be anyone, just properly tag! If you want to come out to Marc Spector as bisexual, do it!!! If you want Joel to take care of you after top surgery, do it!

YOU DO NOT NEED TO BE QUEER TO PARTICIPATE!

However! Please do your research if writing or drawing an identity not yours. There are trans, nonbinary, gay, lebian etc bloggers all over tumblr who write about their experience, please divert to first person testimonies rather than assumptions.

What?

A few rules

MUST contain more than male character x fem!reader. Male character x fem!reader x male character does not count unless the two male characters are romantically or sexually involved or one or the reader is trans. Any Q's, dm me!

This is not a dark event. I'm not going to be policing the content matter but I really want to primarily focus on the pride. However, as a bisexual, gender non-conforming person I know a lot of pain can still be involved. What we are not doing is suicide, death, self-harm, or non consensual activity. If you have questions or would like to make a case for something, just dm me!

This is not inherently NSFW, but there is absolutely NSFW allowed. Always tag everything properly.

The usual no's like bestiality, incest, underage nsfw etc

As far as minor characters, SFW MINOR CHARACTERS IS ALLOWED. You can write or draw lgbt themes because being LGBT is not inherently sexual. For example, teenage Santi coming out as trans to Frankie or your own version of Ellie and Joel's talk about Ellie and Dina kiss. That being said, I'd prefer to reserve this to teens. Again, any questions or ideas that don' quite fit into parameters, just ask!

As always, I am allowed to use my discretion. If I do not want to include something, I won't. However, I know that there are rifts in the fandom. I won't be excluding you out of personal bias. As long as I don't have you blocked and you haven't plagerized or done something really bad to people, you'll be included. I'm not letting petty beefs get in the way. Harmful actions will, however. I need to protect my peace and keep

NO REAL PERSON FANFICTION. Do not write about Oscar Isaac or Pedro pascal being gay or trans and do not make any assumptions about their sexuality or gender identity. Oscar is happily married to a woman and Pedro has expressed his sexuality is like that of Oberyn Martell but has not elaborated much further, nor should he have to. Just leave ‘em be. You can speculate elsewhere but that’s not what this event is for.

How?

Simply tag me, @romanarose and use the #OscarPedroPrideEvent2024 please please please use BOTH so it's easier for me to find!!!

When the event is over, much like DDD I will compiled them into a masterlist and posted. This is a chance for every blog, big and small, to get a moment in the sun and to share each others works! Remember, reblogging, comments, and interacting is what makes this a community! I want to create an environment that is welcoming and we all help each other.

Please feel free to reach out to me for any questions or clarification!

However, if you go issues with me writing men kissing, chracters being trans, queer readers etc, I'm not really open to debate.

~A nonbinary bisexual <3

[alfgifu]

Fic analysis 16. In cahoots

Link: https://archiveofourown.org/works/48946120

Word count: 6,025

Chapters: 1

First posted: 29th July 2023 

Summary: 

His tone was light on the offer itself, despite the sturdiness of his declaration of identity. She could refuse him with no embarrassment to either of them, turning this into a joke that they could laugh over with Basil later in the evening - but - but - those steady brown eyes were serious.

“A marriage of convenience?” she said, equally lightly, “how gallant, sirrah.”

How and why this came about

As it became clear that the prompt challenges were going to stick around for a bit I came up with a cunning plan, which was that I would use the quite specific prompt in this one to kick off an AU which I could then populate from different perspectives in following weeks.

The fake marriage prompts were themselves inspired by discord conversations about the timelines and feasibility of Kip meeting Jullanar when visiting Basil - and of course by Kip’s acknowledged childhood ambition to marry Jullanar of the Sea. Several people were working on the idea at the time and there are multiple cakes available on this one, all of them delicious. I’m a particular fan of mantrasong’s Caught Between a Spark and Lightning which started as a flash fic for this challenge but was later revisited and rewritten into a much longer fic.

The loose end game I was working towards here was a Kip/Jullanar marriage of convenience that bloomed into a deep friendship (without sex) and a recognised Kip/Fitzroy fanoa relationship. The only plan I had beyond that was to explore different moments as they worked with the theme of the prompt challenges, and see where it took me.

What worked and what didn’t

As I was posting new stories much more frequently I was still finding tags, titles, and summaries felt like an unwelcome chore. Around this time I realised with a sigh of relief that I could use quotes from the fics themselves as summary text. That worked better in some cases than others, but here it’s fine.

‘Kip Thistlethwaite’ as a name is as fun to say as the scenario is to imagine, which was a definite plus.

The subject of Jullanar’s marriage is lightly touched on in the books but the small snapshots we get of it are ambiguously grim; she finds her husband physically attractive (but only to a point) and morally repulsive. She’s trapped into it by blackmail and makes the best of it but it is in many ways a parallel to Fitzroy’s situation - imprisoned by force and trapped in stifling conventional restrictions, unable to own herself by her true name, afraid of hurting those around her if she reveals too much of herself. It was deeply satisfying to find such a neat way of circumventing it presented by the structure of the narrative.

It was fun imagining young!Kip from an outside perspective and writing a group of friends bantering with one another. Also thinking through how Kip’s training as a tanà might make it easier for him to strike the right tone in this kind of conversation: listening without judgement, leaving space, making practical suggestions with a layer of humour and plausible deniability that offer Jullanar many different ways to back out. I wanted it to be believable that she might agree to the scheme having only just met him and I feel like that worked out well.

What I learned from writing it

One of the things I was experimenting with was writing more from different points of view. When I started Embers the only way I could feel comfortable writing Cliopher’s perspective was by adding a big chunk of backstory at the start so that I could follow the emotional thread driving him all the way through. Here the short format forced me to jump into the action with Jullanar; I didn’t manage to avoid some scene-setting entirely but I kept it minimal and was pleased with how that worked (I know on some level that people reading fanfic are for the most part unlikely to be unfamiliar with the characters, but it hasn’t really sunk in - I still feel the urge to explain context and personality and setting at the start of every story).

I worked hard at getting the emotional beats to land correctly, because I’d begun to see how much that would carry the reader into and through a scenario even when it was unfamiliar/unexpected.

I was also beginning to learn that I got better results when I followed my interest than when I planned in advance, and was adapting my strategy for that fact by making this a self-contained story that left the door open for more but didn’t require it. I’ve never quite managed to get on that footing with everything but it was a good discovery and I’ve used it several times since.

[maribatserver]

Tag Team Tournament 2024 - Prompt List

Have you decided which teams you'll be playing for this year? You've still got time to figure it out, but with only a few weeks to go there's much less. If you haven't listened to our Team Playlists, we hope that you will, and if you haven't read our Event Guide Document make sure to check that out too. If you've done both of those things and still need some inspiration, well, we've got something that might help.

Now, as we mentioned in our initial announcement for this year's Tag Team Tournament, we're going to be releasing our prompts early this year! This means that using prompts will earn fewer bonus points, however, it also means that you guys have more time to actually use these prompts in your creations. Since we encourage creation over point generating, that seemed like a prudent change to make.

We also made several of our prompts a little bit more complicated this year, so it may take a little more creativity to work them into creations and have them make sense.

That said, we also know that many of you really enjoyed the surprise prompts from years past, so if you'd like to stay in the dark until the week of, go ahead an scroll on by this post, maybe go listen to one of our playlists. However, if you want to know the prompts now so you can start using them, our prompt list can be found under the cut!

As a reminder, whether you look at the prompts early or not, they're worth fewer points this year, and they can only be stacked for extra bonuses on Day 7.

Prompts: July 28th: "Start at the beginning, and tell me how we got to this." July 29th: "Shut up, I'm trying to tell you how much I like you!" July 30th: "I left them alone for five minutes," July 31st: "I'm not saying he's evil, but I am saying that all rich people are trash." August 1st: "You made me a mixtape?" August 2nd: "If I tell you how badly these heels hurt, will you carry me?" August 3rd: "Trust me—I won't let you fall."

We wish you the best with your creations this year, and we hope that this extra time helps you prepare! We have three more playlists to release before our event begins on July 28th, so be sure to keep an eye on our blog in the coming weeks.

[laurelins-light]

007 Fest - 00QAD Chat Night Prompts/Headcannons

Since Saturday July 29th was @00qad-fandom Chat Night, I thought I'd post and share some of my ideas and headcanons that were inspired by that night (yes I know I'm posting this 2 days later and on the last day of fest, I've been busy unfortunately).

Hacker AU! Where Danny stumbles into Hacker!Alex at a nightclub and Alex was trying to break into the servers the club had in the back room. They almost get caught but Danny saves Alex 

Alex goes into hiding but is saved last minute but Danny doesn’t know this. He gets really into what Alex was doing and decides that since no one is listening to him he’ll take up his mantle and become a hacker. Either he eventually becomes Q OR Q finds him one day and is like - you are my new R. Eventually, Danny starts running Q Branch and running double oh missions and meets James. Alex has been on a multi year long undercover mission with Alec and has been telling Alec all about Danny.One day, they all come back to Q Branch at the same time and all realize they like the same person and Danny is kinda freaking out but Alex, James, and Alec are all like… eh at least one of us will be with you at all times this is good actually. 

Super soldier!Alex meeting Civilian!Danny and Danny teaching him all about the normal world when James and Q are sent to track Alex down and bring him back but end up faking his death and bringing him back as normal Q-branch technician Alex and Danny becomes an Agent instead with Alex as his and James’ “Support Analyst”

In similar vein - Black Widow!Alex who breaks from training but is lost and Danny finds him and then Q and James get involved because Alex is a known threat but they know better after getting to know him and boom Alex defects and becomes an Agent with Danny as his Q-branch support because he only listens and trusts Danny, James, or Q

Some others I thought of after the chat:

Q-Branch Analyst! Alex defects and has to fake his death after meeting Civilian!Danny. Danny then decides that he wants to understand more of Alex's previous world and root out what happened in Q-Branch and joins it. Eventually he becomes Q and succeeds in getting rid of all the corruption in the Branch (and MI6) that led to Alex's (supposed) death. Only after this is done does Alex feel safe to come back. James is the one that helped him hide all those years ago.

Vet!Alex who met a very concerned Danny at his veterinary practice after Danny comes across a mama cat and her 3 kittens. Alex knows another couple (Q + James) that would love to adopt some kittens and he introduces them all.

Assassin!Q who targets Alex, but is thrown off after seeing Danny and realizing that Danny is his long lost twin? brother? doppelganger? and instead gets curious and eventually realizes that he can't kill Alex bc it will hurt Danny. James is Q's support agent and just shrugs and goes along with it all.

[quonka]

Jazz Music to Cancel Out the Mundane-- Sort of Like PEMDAS

"Now, You Must Acquire a Taste for Free Form Jazz"

Alright, maybe they're not "free form" Jazz, but Loftys Comet is a gorgeous little "underground indie jazz rock" band, as they describe themselves on their Instagram, that I've discovered semi-recently and fallen in love with. I even got two of my friends to regularly listen to them as well.

I'm still their "#1 listener" on Airbuds though. Not to brag.

I am bragging.

The Numbers

When I say this band is little, I mean it-- with only "14,639 monthly listeners" on Spotify, their top streamed song is Shower Thoughts with 1,299,101 total streams, while their least streamed song, Altunga, lies at mere 1,937 streams.

Both of these songs appear on their most recent album Strung Out, which released back in February on the 29th. Funnily enough, I discovered them on the 15th of February through their single version of Shower Thoughts-- so I really came in at just the right time.

Their first album, The Juveniles of Funk, has been out for almost four whole years now, originally released to Spotify on July 20th, 2020. The songs on this album do have a bit more streams than on Strung Out, but I single handedly am putting in the work to get their numbers up with how often I listen to their music when writing. Similar to last week's post though, I listen to this band outside of studying a lot too.

Variations upon Variations upon Variations

I really didn't even think I liked jazz, but after listening to this band with not a single track that I don't bob my head like a pigeon to, I had to reconsider. Every single song in their discography has something interesting, and new, and fun to offer-- and I truly do like every song. There were a couple that had to grow on me, but oh did they grow.

One of these songs is Late Night Travels off of The Juveniles of Funk. The soft, slower acoustic guitar layers are beautiful, and while there's no saxophone presence in this song like in most the rest of their work, that's what makes it stand out. For a five-minute song, it truly never gets boring. There are a lot of repeated motifs, but each iteration adds something different and plays with the repetition; not so much that it's unrecognizable, but so that each come and go around it feels fresh.

I don't know really how else to say this, but they play the guitar in this song like how they play the saxophones in their other pieces. This track is unpredictable-- even after listening to it over and over again as I do. There's this specific part at the end of the song where the tempo increases, and the volume crescendos, and it catches me by surprise every single time.

Despite this unpredictability, the song is cozy. I can't help but envision a nice warm summer night at a nice campground, the campfire crackling, and fireflies flickering on and off in the distance. It's truly a lovely song, and all its variation makes it easy to have on in the background for hours on end while I write, because it just never gets boring or stale.

A similar song off that same album, in the sense of starting off slow and melodic, and then really kicking it up at the end, is Blackberry; my favorite song included in The Juveniles of Funk. The duality of the lower and higher saxophones throughout the song, almost like they're alternating, already sounds amazing-- but when they play together with their melodies varied but still obviously connected? gorgeous, just absolutely gorgeous.

My favorite part of this song is when a little more than halfway through, that tempo, and volume, and intensity increases and it just grows and grows-- and then it cuts off, gets low and slow again-- before that double symbol hit comes in with both the saxophones on top of it and propels us right back into that energy and intensity. This part of the song is just so bouncy, and it always makes me feel like I'm spinning-- in a good way!

One of Loftys Comet's pieces that start intense and stay intense is 300, my favorite off Strung Out.

This song is everything I like about the two previous songs combined into perfect harmony; it's got the higher and lower saxophones having a conversation with their connected-by-a-thread melodies, it's got intricate variations on motifs-- and right out of the gate, the piece surges forward with a heavier, aggressive mood that just stings, and throughout its entire 6 minute 31 second runtime, it never once loses its momentum.

Just like Late Night Travels, the variations make this song feel fresh every time I hear it, and just like the ending of Blackberry, the electricity and passion behind each note and well-placed pause keeps me entertained while I do my work, which can definitely get monotonous.

"Okay SpongeBob-- You're ready!"

I genuinely adore Loftys Comet; I listen to them all the time, and they really have become a huge part of my taste in music.

If you liked any of the songs above, I cannot recommend enough to go check out the rest of their music on Spotify or YouTube; Maybe even give them a follow over on Instagram. They deserve so much more attention and love then they are getting, and it would be awesome to see them get bigger.

Which was y'all's favorite song of the three I talked about here? or if you decided to listen to more of their songs than just these three, that's awesome, and feel free to tell me in general what your favorite song of theirs is.

[lycanlovingvampyre]

MAG 161 Relisten

Activity on my first listen: cutting the Kolkwitzia amabilis (also know as beauty bush?? apparently?) in my garden.

I think it was the right move to keep the story as they envisioned it. Covid was a massive event that nobody could have foreseen in this detail (like, we knew there's the danger of more zoonotic diseases due to humans and animals living so close to each other on such a grand scale, but like not when and how exactly it would be). It was very unfortunate to be timed so close, but as they said: writing and some of the production happened before the pandemic. There was no way they could have taken this into consideration during production. And as far as I know, a lot of people found TMA during the pandemic and it kept them company during lockdowns.

ALEX: "We will of course continue to provide content warnings in the show notes for every episode, and we advise everyone to check these even if customarily you don't." Me, being like "I don't need content warnings! I've walked through 30 years of my life with a few horrible things and I never needed content warnings for any of the 450+ horror movies I’ve seen, and that number doesn’t even include horror TV shows or short stories". Also me, after the show "Uhhhh, maybe there is something to content warnings..." Don’t be me, check the content warnings, take your time.

The new logo looks really cool, but I miss the old one in the YouTube videos. That smoke effect just doesn't work that well with the new logo. Also I think the logo was a bit of a spoiler, as I immediately suspected the tapes might be Web.

MARTIN: "Sorry, sorry; Tim wanted to surprise you, and –" TIM: "Snitch." Oh god, this is harmful to Martin on two levels... Number one: Jon still "hated" him back then. Jon didn't seem too happy about the surprise. So Martin's alarm bells go off and he tries to protect himself from potential angry Jon fallout. And then number two, Tim as well "attacks" him (even if he only meant it teasingly, it did sounds a bit on the annoyed side). But you know that's the thing with some situations like this, social anxiety, bullying... You start to get hyper-vigilant and hyper-reactive to the emotions of others as a defense mechanism. Recognize danger before or when it's already rising to keep yourself safe.

MARTIN: (hmph) "Well – I preferred going out for ice cream anyway." I talked about this before in discussions about Jon's and Martin's age and I think Martin's birthday is sometime between May and early September. That's at least the ice cream season in Central Europe. Of course they cooould have gone to a dedicated ice cream saloon at any time of the year (how are those doing financially in winter? I've always wondered about that...), buuuut let's look at the timeline. I still think Gertrude died in March and not in May and that thing in MAG 25 was an error and at first done to give the statement even more fuckery. So our Archives team started in Spring 2015 (maaaybe early Summer, if you want to keep May a possibility). Martin has already had his birthday before they celebrated Jon's here. Jon's birthday is sometime between Summer 2015 and Spring 2016 (cause then they're been working in the Archives for a year). And on July 29th 2016 the Archive was attacked by Prentiss and Sasha died. That would also kind of mean that Martin is older than Jon and I love that idea because I think Jon hated that XD (Aside from him already thinking Martin's older than him because Martin also cheated with his age...)

SASHA: "Yes, you were there!" MARTIN: "You had – rum and raisin, and taught us all about emulsifiers." Also part of the defense mechanism of hyper-vigilance. Trying to remember everything. Also rum and raisin? Jon really tried to push the I'm old-image.

ELIAS: "Knock knock." Who is it, Mr. Spider. It's Mr. Bluebottle. And he's brought you a cake.

ELIAS: "He didn’t have to. Nothing escapes my notice, and I like to keep an eye out for this sort of thing." I had a boss like this once xD Whenever someone brought pastries, he was immediately there! He has unintentionally built himself a small reputation around the office. He once told me, he of course knows about that, but one time he did not immediately jump at the chance and then there was nothing left for him. So he will keep up with being known as the sweet-tooth who's always the first, otherwise he might miss out xD

ELIAS: "So, how old is the birthday boy?" JON: "Uh – thirty-eight." SASHA: "Liar." And by assuming he just made himself 10 years older, we have his actual age!

EVERYONE: "Happy birthday, dear –" TIM, SASHA, MARTIN: "– Jo-on." ELIAS: (simultaneous) "– Archivist." Smug, disgusting, grooming bastard...

JON: "If I wish for you all to go away, do you think it’ll work?" T__________T

JON: "You know that there’s a lot of tannin in tea as well?" In black and green tea, yes, but only after letting it steep for more than 2 minutes.

JON: "Hang on, have you been recording this?" [CLOTHING RUSTLING.] TIM: "Oh! Yeah! I – just thought it might be nice, you know, something to look back on when we’re all old and sick of each other." T__________T Especially that coming from Tim... Also Tim doing the hidden tape recorder thing here...

MARTIN: (gentle) "Hey." JON: ""Hi." So the breathing sounds and these two words were the first thing I heard of them after MAG 160. And I was so relieved to hear that Jon's still Jon.

MARTIN: "I don’t know. It’s not like there are days to count, anymore, (sigh) all the clocks are stopped, and…" Glad it came up here again, cause that's vital information and I wouldn't have caught that the first time around cause I didn't listen to the trailers.

MARTIN: "Well, just as well I don’t remember my dream." JON: "I do." MARTIN: "What?" It's pretty dark, but it's humor, I’ll take it!

MARTIN: (trying) "Bit of a hideaway?" JON: "Or a prison." MARTIN: "..Yes. Still, better than outside." More of the Martin-tries-to-salvage-the-situation-at-least-a-little-bit and Jon-is-unable-to-see-any-hope-or-other-positive-views-whatsoever... It does make so much sense for both characters.

JON: "Y-Yes. It – It doesn’t want to harm me." MARTIN: "And me?" JON: "I won’t let it." Hell yeah! Also a bit of a first glimpse of Jon-being-a-demigod

MARTIN: "Jon, it’s not your fault." JON: (sharp) "Martin, can we not do this again?" T__________T God, this episode...

JON: "I’m just – I’m mourning a world I killed –" MARTIN: (overlapping, placating) "I know –" JON: (increasingly fervent) "and we’re all trapped in its rotting corpse!–" MARTIN: (strict, end of discussion) "Enough, Jon." Oh god, Jon sounds as if he's about to cry any second after that "rotting corpse" and Martin is losing his patience a bit there. I get it, he doesn't want Jon hurting and it’s frustrating.

That is such a twisting-the-knife move to actually have a tape wherein Gertrude warns about... everything! I mean, we see how much is destroys Jon.

GERTRUDE: "They do not rule our world, but they do exercise considerable power, which they generally manifest in the form of monstrous beings that spread further fear – or, incarnations, those humans who have willingly, though not always knowingly, chosen to take on the power of these entities." God I LOVE how the music picks up at "or, incarnations"! I think it’s the same track as in MAG 9, when the Lightless Beast knocks on the door! Cause that part of the music picking up also really got me in MAG 9.  Ahhh, I miss the S1 tracks...

GERTRUDE: "I’ve managed to keep the Archives in a state of chaos for decades, as I believe his plan would benefit from their organization. But I leave that to your judgement." Come to think of, is this actually the first time we hear that it was not neglect, but fully intentional to keep the Archives in such chaos?

GERTRUDE: "A place… (she sighs) A place that will often demand a high price from you." That sigh and that pause. So it did nag a bit on her? Sacrificing so many people?

GERTRUDE: (overlapping) "Do you know the gas main, a little way out in the tunnel?" LEITNER: "I do." GERTRUDE: "I need you to move it." Ah yes, more foreshadowing! We already heard about that gas main in MAG 68. And about Gertrude using gas mains to blow up places of Beholding in MAG 53.

GERTRUDE: "If my guess is right, the Church’s ritual should be collapsing any time now, so – immediately." Hmm, so that is probably the second to last recording of Gertrude. I wonder why she didn't talk about her theory of the single-entity-rituals might be doomed to fail anyway.

JON: "Can you imagine? If we’d had this?" MARTIN: "But we didn’t, did we." JON: "No –" MARTIN: "So there’s no point in dwelling. (heavy breath) John, I – This isn’t healthy." Aw man, there are times I've been so much like Jon. And there's no way around it, you just can't help it in that moment.

JON: "Healthy? I am an Avatar of voyeuristic terror, who unquestioned craving for knowledge has condemned the entire world to an eternity of torment; healthy i-isn’t – i,it’s not –" First of all: Theater kid... Second, I think it was totally necessary for us as audience that Jon spoke out loud how exactly he thinks that this was all his fault.

MARTIN: "It just – It hurts me to see you wallowing like this." JON: (snapping) "Well, some of us weren’t able to cut ourselves off from the world before it ended." Hmmm, it is so hurtful, but also feels so real. Jon saw it as... an accusation? Like, and now Martin says, he's feeling bad because of me because of course everything is my fault, but maybe if Martin had been there just a little bit before all of this, maybe it wouldn't have happened! (Dwelling again...)

MARTIN: "That’s not fair." JON: "No, it’s not; I’m – I’m sorry, I just – (large shaky breath) It hurts." Martin having a quite reasonable approach. He knows it's not Jon's fault. He knows, the general period with Peter wasn't what caused this (Cause later we hear he very well feels conflicted about his choice in the panopticon). There is no one else at fault but Jonah Magnus.

MARTIN: "A way to stop this, a way to turn the world back!" JON: (softer) "Do you really think there is one?" MARTIN: "Well, if there is, it’s not in here, is it?" Hmmm, Martin's definitely right there... But I can also understand Jon's wish to stay at the cabin. Even without that supernatural cabin-makes-them-want-to-stay-because-it-seems-safe...

JON: "No, it’s – (sigh) I love you, I just – (inhale) I need more time." AAAAAAAAAh <3

MARTIN: "Hey – Hey, when did you start recording?" JON: (confusion) "I – didn’t. I only brought one, and I’ve been using it to play the tapes." MARTIN: "Oh. (sigh) That’s not a great sign." JON: "No. No, it’s not." A bit in conflict with the trailer because Jon addresses the recorder about exactly that... Oh hang on, I guuuuuuess we could possibly see the trailer as happening after this? There is nothing that would contradict it, is there? Especially Martin's "You still… (sigh) Feeling it, seeing everything?" could be seen as reference to the conversation in MAG 161. Earlier, in the first scene of Jon and Martin it sounds like Jon describes his "seeing all the terror outside" as if he's laying that out for Martin for the first time. I wooould say it could possibly be due to the nature of Martin being a bit bewitched by the cabin (like not noticing tea is not!tea), buuuuut this doesn't work with Jon's confused reaction right here in MAG 161. (Also, I'd say it’s not necessarily a bad sign, as it indicated that there is indeed something that it still wants to hear!)

@a-mag-a-day

[sludgefriend]

We now interrupt your usual posting to bring you an extraordinary… and true tale of the bizarre and unexplained! Though the following passage is dramatized through the usage of emotional language, it remains a complete, truthful account of the feelings and experiences of yours truly.

Events of July 29th, 2023

I was running some Grubhub to try and make some extra cash when I was struck by this overwhelming sense of hyper-reality. The sun had just set, and over the course of a few moments, all of my senses felt suddenly sharpened. Lights were brighter, lines were cleaner, sounds were clearer. I had this sense that something strange and amazing was coming. I tried to continue on about my business as usual, but as I neared a road I’d never been down before in my entire life, I felt as though something was calling me down it. I obliged.

This road would lead up into the nearby mountains. Population is sparse out there, but present. I rolled down my windows, turned off my music, and listened to the bustling nightlife of the Colorado wilderness. It was nearly 10:30 at this time, so the dark, winding roads were illuminated only by my headlights and the glow of the nearly full moon.

Looking at my gas tank, I realized I was reaching a distance at which I might not be able to return from if I kept going for too much longer. I had to pick a spot and stop there. I decided to stop at the next pull-off that I could. I stopped the car, exited my vehicle, and took in the sights and sounds. An owl hooted, a hawk screeched, insects chirped, but oddly, so did a flock of birds that I’d usually associate with the early morning.

To the side of the road on which I’d parked was a vast, open field bookended by a higher ridge, and to the other was an even higher, but closer ridge. I stood there for a few moments, transfixed by the ever-present beauty of nature in the late evening. I turned every light off that I could, and soaked it in. But, that’s when I noticed something peculiar.

At first I thought it might have been an illusion. There’s no way I could have seen what I’d just seen. It must have been my mind playing tricks on me. Looking into the night sky, I could have sworn that… maybe some of the stars up there weren’t quite as stationary as they ought to be. They seemed to flutter and flicker around certain spaces, occasionally fully ascending or descending past the ridge lines.

I thought to pull out my phone to record the lights, guarantee to myself that what I thought must be some mistake. Though I was still in disbelief, some part of me had the feeling that if I pull my phone out now and start recording, these things, if they’re real, would go away. I pointed my phone at the one buzzing around the ridge across the field. Sure enough, it suddenly faded.

Disappointed and confused, I felt a great desire within myself. “Come back”, I pleaded, desperate to confirm or deny the experience for myself. Sure enough, it did. It rose back above the ridge line, like a sentient star. I grabbed some footage of it, confirmed that it was in fact moving, and stood there in awe. Shortly afterwards I’d notice, there’s not just one of these things, there’s not two, there’s at least six of them that I can tell for sure that are moving.

One over the far ridge. Two somewhere in the middle. Three more over the closer ridge line assorting themselves into a triangle, perpendicular to my perspective. The former three flitting around in a manner that I can only describe as insect-like, taking time to zoom back and forth over one area and then suddenly zip in another direction. It seemed almost… purposeless, but it felt in my soul like I was being given a show.

Without my realizing it, nearly two hours had gone by as I watched these lights dance in the sky. At that time, I found myself thinking, “Please come closer, please come just a little closer”. I got what I had asked for, but I certainly wasn’t as ready for it as I’d thought.

Suddenly, two orange lights came over the ridge and floated over the tree-line. You could see the light that they emitted start to blanket the old growth pines. I stood there bewildered, in awe, and terrified. These things, though still far away were much closer than the ones in the sky. Not only that, but given the scale of the trees, they had to be massive. The one to the left’s light suddenly grew in intensity, eventually resembling a miniature sun whose light was so intense and radiant that it momentarily reverted my night vision and forced me to look away before reverting to its previous brightness.

Taken aback by what had just happened and somewhat shaken, I got back in my car. I thought to myself “I should really go home… but then again, I’ve been here for two hours. If I’m lucky, I might be able to get someone else up here by the time these things go away.” I pulled out my phone, and called a friend.

Ok im going to the bar now so I’ll finish the rest later. Btw I have pics and vids that I’ll post :)

[angeldarkrose]

“I’m sorry.”

You continuously said, “I’m sorry.” But that does absolutely nothing to me. That doesn’t fix anything, doesn’t even make a dent in the damage you did. How was that a good enough apology for what you did to me? Want to know why? Why is it not a good enough apology? Want to know what you did to me? Ig I should start with the notes I made back in June when nothing got through your head. Nobody who was in love should ever feel the way I did when making these notes on June 9th

Before that on May 29th I let my phone die just to get away from you for ten minutes. All I wanted to do was paint in peace and sadly the only thing I could do to get away from your begging was just that. Let it die. I shouldn’t have had to do that. But oh well. June 11th after those notes were made, I cried to my mom about how terrible I felt about myself. I felt disgusted (and I still do). I felt like the only reason you complimented me was so that I would get naked for you. You dragged me in with a nice guy act from the beginning of our time till the end of May. June showed your true colors but I stayed. I wish I could send you videos from May 17th when I was screaming with my best friend about how happy I was to talk to you. The first time we got off the phone, that smile didn’t leave my face for hours. Every time we got off the phone till you guessed it. June. June 22nd with me blacking out should’ve never happened. If you saw how I was, there should have been no pushing. I stayed up till 6am crying that morning while you slept.July 22 your effort slipped completely. What went from getting messages all the time, it went to only getting messages as you walked out the door. I no longer felt important. We had 2 good important conversations between these dates too. But I stayed because I felt too much love for you. July 24 as you saw on my snap story I was so happy. ANY time we talked that's what I looked like. Your voice was the light in my life, so was your laugh. I listened intently to you so I knew what you liked and how you felt at all times. Which is why when you told me a month later that I just wanted to feel included my heart shattered. I just wanted to know you. August 5th. The day my heart was the heaviest it’s ever felt. I was distant that night on the phone because I was going to block you that night when you fell asleep. But yet again I had too much love for you. So I stayed and dealt with everything. Just like you said I had to. I could’ve proved you wrong. You called me at like 3 am that day too and I thought that finally your effort would go back up. I was wrong. August 15th. The day I realized I was nothing but a sex body for you. After not talking for days no matter my mood it seemed like it’s all you wanted. I told you that. But it was blamed on me and your mental health. For months on end I put up with nothing but endless sexualization from you because I wanted you in my life no matter what. But I couldn’t stand to look at myself officially from that day on. August 19th I tried to fix us while you let us drown. My heart sank instead. I stayed through everything just for you to give up. I messaged you in mornings, at night, while riding attractions at theme parks (literally ON them. Riding them), walking around the parks, at lakes. Everywhere I could because I had the effort. I had your city on every widget on my phone. I checked the weather to make sure you were safe. I asked about your hobbies but got nothing but excuses and a stab in the heart back. Even after everything I stayed for you. I defended you to everyone who hated you. But I should’ve let them do what they wanted. I officially dislocated two of my fingers just to save you from the raft because I still believed you didn’t deserve it. Don’t get me wrong. We had manyyyyy great nights, laughs,calls and I’ll always remember them but they’ll be locked up. I don’t want them anymore. I appreciate every single gift I was given. I just wish I had more of your time than your money. You were all I wanted. You were enough for me. Now? As of the 31st I'm still stuck. You’re blocked officially from the 29th. I sobbed so hard I almost threw up after hitting that button. But it had to be done. That whole day it became clear on what happened. I was naive. And I still am. Will always be. People your age seen you for who you are but I couldn’t. But that’s okay. I can handle it now after the week of not being able to eat without throwing up and staying up 48 hours due to heartbreak. Yesterday. Goodness. Yesterday the 29th. I fell asleep at 5am didn’t wake

[aik-membrane]

OOC: Heart-Aik: Aik Membrane's Prequel

Chapter Sixteen

Ft mentions of @ambassador-d1b

Extra note: Crime works how I want in Universe 15

<July 29th, 2005 continued>

"Alright, you have some explaining to do. You didn't mention anything about a family or ranks!" Aik took off the coat as soon as they were in the house. "And faith? Is this a religion?"

"Alright Shank, take it easy. I swear it's not what you think," Percy said.

"Really? Cuz it sounds like you tricked me into joining your wannabe church crime gang."

"No I tricked them into joining, now listen-"

"This is just stupid," Aik huffed.

Percy sighed heavily. "Shank, I'm only telling this to you because I know you're smart enough to be valuable. And because you owe me your life, so if you dared to rat on me, you'd be in more trouble than when you started. I don't actually believe any of the bullshit I teach these guys. I'm a conman and a weapons dealer, I didn't start the cult, a distant uncle did, and they asked me to take over when he died. And believe me. Having 30 loyal followers who do your bidding, including transporting illegal goods and secret letters to real clients, is extremely useful in my line of work. It's a safe neighborhood for me to store goods, they all pay me a tithe and have their own jobs, and if I am too close to being caught by police, I just slip the cops a 'naughty' member of the cult to punish the member for their sins and throw the cops off my scent. Only had to do that twice now. With cops. I've done it three times with mob bosses."

Aik just stayed silent. He had very little idea how the outside world worked. Half of Percy's explanation made zero sense to him. And the half he did understand he didn't like at all.

"But you're not gonna be one of those followers, you're too smart for that and you're actually capable of fighting. Once you complete training, you'll go up in ranks automatically just to keep up appearances, but I'm more interested in getting you in a ring. Get some extra cash," Percy said with a grin.

"A ring?" Aik asked skeptically.

"Underground fight ring, yeah. There's one about two hours south, we'd make bank if you can sharpen your skills. A portion of it would go towards equipment for your brother, some to basic necessities, and then I'd take a small cut since I organized it all. You'd get most of it though, since you'd be the one fighting. What do you think? A great way to get money. We can also pull a small jewelry heist or I can teach you classic con skills while there," Percy said. "What do you think, Shank?"

"I have to think about it. It's too late to think more tonight," Aik replied. "I need sleep."

"Ahh smart kid, alright, did you pick out a room yet?"

Aik shrugged.

"Take any of them, see you in the morning," Percy said.

Aik nodded and went up the stairs. He was a bit intimidated by them, he always was. But he never hesitated too long so Percy wouldn't notice.

He went upstairs, picked the first room that was empty, and got into the bed. He didn't bother getting dressed, he was too tired. And he did have a lot of thinking to do.

The more time passed, the longer it seemed like it would be before he could get Dib back. In the meantime, he had no idea what Membrane was doing to his brother.

He liked the idea of fighting, but this whole situation was sketchy and felt dangerous. He couldn't bring Dib here, but he couldn't leave Dib with Membrane either.

Maybe Percy would let him work alone and away from this weird 'family' after they got Dib out. It would be just Aik and Dib, Aik wouldn't have to worry about anything else and he could get his own jobs.

He made a note to bring it up with Percy in the morning and let himself fall into a light sleep.

<July 30th, 2005>

"Work for me only until you get your brother?" Percy asked. "And then you'd both move on?"

Aik nodded, eating from a bowl of oatmeal.

"Huh. Yeah, I'm good with that I guess. As long as you're able to be on your own by then," Percy said.

"I would be. I'm capable," Aik replied.

Percy gave Aik a flat look. "You're ten."

"And you're balding."

Percy spluttered. "No I am not! Hell, you are rude."

Aik snickered.

Percy rolled his eyes. "You're lucky I like you, Shank. I saved your life and you sass me? Tsk, how dare," he chuckled.

"How did you find me, anyway?" Aik asked.

"Coincidence actually. I had just finished a weapons deal not far from the labs and heard the commotion of fire. I went to watch, hoping to loot some good shit and got to loot you," Percy explained.

Aik rolled his eyes. "I'm not loot."

"Nah, of course not."

"Good, glad we agree on that."

"Anyway, finish eating, I'm going to train you today," Percy said.

Aik nodded, taking the last bite of oatmeal. "I'm also going to start working on a prosthetic arm."

"I've already got one for you," Percy said.

"Hey, I told you I wanted to make my own," Aik grumbled.

"Yeah but you can use this one to help work on it, okay? Come on, let's go." Percy led Aik to the library and entered the code to open the secret door. Aik followed, annoyed at being brushed off, but he did want the training.

Behind the door was a set of stairs going down into darkness. Percy flipped a switch and light filled the cavernous descent. It had a red carpet, brown walls, and a musty smell.

Aik peered down the stairs, hesitant to go down first. But he didn't have to, Percy went down without hesitation. "Come on, kid. Sorry about the smell, I keep all sorts of goods in here."

Aik cringed, wondering what goods Percy meant, then followed him down. He already didn't like stairs, he wasn't used to them at all. These were even worse.

The stairs creaked at each step, and it felt like the walk down took forever. And it opened into a large basement, with tools, weapons, bags, boxes, shelves, and a particular empty corner that the musty smell seemed to be coming from.

"Here's the prosthetic arm I got." Percy picked up a long white box and opened it for Aik to look inside. The box held a gray, stiff looking robot arm. It didn't even look like a prosthetic, it literally looked like Percy stole it off a Membrane Lab security drone.

"Yeah, no thanks, I'll make my own," Aik repeated.

"Well then use these pieces to start," Percy insisted, setting the box down again.

"Yeah, whatever. Let's get to training."

"Right. This knife should suit you well." Percy picked a small knife, similar in size to Aik's shank and handed it to him. "Let's start some tests to see where you need to improve and what you need to be taught. See that target down there?" He pointed to a well used red and white target made out of plywood and spray paint.

Aik nodded.

"From where you're standing now, try to throw that knife as close to the center as you can," Percy directed.

Aik looked at the knife in his hand and felt it over. He wasn't used to holding this type of weapon, it took him a moment to wrap his fingers around it in a way that felt natural. He looked back at the target and took aim. Some quick calculations, an adjustment of his grip, and a flick of his wrist, the knife landed embedded in the target an inch from the center of the board.

"Hey, not bad at all Shank," Percy said with a nod. "You need some practice to gain speed and precision, and feel more comfortable with a blade. Have you ever tried a gun?"

"No," Aik replied.

"Well, we'll train you on that too. As well as your muscles and stamina. Ooh Shank, you're going to be incredible."

[maiataylor1]

Fundies - last indesign lesson

DUE Monday 29th of July

Make a storybook with at least 5 different Children's stories.

I started this process by picking which 5 stories I would have in my storybook. I decided to go with classic children's rhymes. I picked Jack and Jill, I'm a Little Teapot, Heads shoulders knees and Toes, Humpty Dumpty, and three blind mice.

Next, I drew a rough plan in my book about what would go there in the book. After I knew what was going on where I searched up who originally wrote each rhyme so I could write it in the book so people knew who actually wrote it.

Then it was time to get onto InDesign to start creating the book. First, we set up the pages that were going to be in the book.

Toby showed us how to get the pages number to go on every page in order so you dont have to write them up seperately.

Page 4 and 5

Page four and 5 are the first proper pages in the book. Because all my rymthes are small they only need one column. The margins r set in more of the middle of the page due to there not being much text and not needing it to spread too far. I used the paragraph style which doesn't spread out to far across much of the page because there isn't alot of text. Page 4 is a conents page which shows the reader which stories are written in this book and which pages they r on so its easier for the reader to access them. Since its a childerns book I wanted the colours in the book to be bright and colourful so the kids enjoy looking at it and are engaged. I coloured the titles of each rhyme on the conents page to match the background colour of that rhymes actual page. This is so the book feels connected as is easy for the reader to remember that colour matches with that page. I decided to use a rainbow pattern which flows really well and is pleasing to look at.

For the Jack and Jill rhyme I used a picture from online and added a crown to Jack's head and make the picture pretty big taking up most of the page because the text isn't long and also so its easy for the kid listening to look at. I chose a pinky red background which I think works well with the image and still allows the text to be easy to read.

For every page with a rhyme on it I used the paragraph style title for the titles of the rhyme just a simple but bold font. I used paragraph style 1 for the rhyme its self and made the text big for tired parents to read easily. I also used a simple title for and them authors name for the authors name who wrote the rhyme and put this in italics for it was more clear this is the author of the rhyme.

For page 6 I choose the rhyme I'm a little teapot and used the same paragraph styles as the rest of the rhymes. I found the teapot vector drawing online and then I drew some tea drops to add to it. I choose a yellowy orange colour for the background which makes the text super easy to read and contrasts well with the colour of the teapot.

For page 7 I made vector drew the person on illustrator.

I began by drewing a ruff outline of the boys shirt.

I filled the top in with purple and then drew a outline his face and where his hair will go.

I filled his face with a skin tone colour.

I drew his hair seperatly so that is would fit on his head and then set it to the back so it with go behind his face.

Here it is moved and fit to go behind his face.

Then I used circles as eyes used the hair colour to draw eyebrows on and used black to draw a nose and smile on his face. I used the same colour as his face to draw and fill in his hands.

I chose Humpty dumpty for page 8. I choose light blue which I think works well with the vector drawing and still makes the text easy to read. I vector drew humpty dumpty.

First I drew the top of the egg.

Next I filled it in with a egg colour.

I drew the other half of the egg and filled it in green to make it look like hes wearing clothes.

I drew some curves and traced them on top of the green part of the egg to try get them to line up and then just dragged them on top of the green part. I coloured this part in red.

Then I drew a rectangle and connected it to a oddly shaoed circle and filled it in black to make the legs and feet.

For the eyes I used three circles one blue one then a smaller black on inside that and then a smaller white one inside that. I used a bigger black oval shape to create a shocked face.

Lastly I drew some little arms and filled them in black.

For the three blind mice I found a image online of three mice and used a purple background to stick to the rainbow theme through out the book.

For my end pages I used the same pink colour as the front and back of the book and filled it in with the charactore from the book to make a pattern. The criss cross grid is used here because there is alot of images they need alot of collums. I thought this page connects the book together well and is cool and fun to look at when flipping through the book.

The front cover has the title of the book "Wonderfull Childerns Rhymes" and then all the characters in my rhymes layed out too.

The back cover has the little girl from the contents page and I drew a vector image of the speech bubble and wrote by me. Then in the right hand corner I wrote who published the book and just made up a name.

If I had more time I would time I would make a proper grid for my end pages and lay the characters out and make them smaller so its not so much in your face.

I changed the colour of the green title as it was hard to read to this darker green shown above. Then I changed the background colour on page 7 to match the new darker green.

[dopaminergicaddictions]

Hi Kristen,

I wanted to let you know that I tried to email you Tuesday to cancel our appointment on December. 13th, 2023. I never received a confirmation email when I sent it nor did I receive an email from simple practice. I did not plan on meeting with you Wednesday, as I didn’t feel great after meeting with you last time. After you said that drugs would help me communicate better I was more than offended as I do communicate effectively. It made me feel like I wasn’t recovering. It made me feel like there was something wrong with the way I communicated. My current therapists both have noticed marked improvement in my hallucinations every single appointment over the last two and a half months. Beyond that, when you suggested OCD voices was potentially what I was suffering from, it made me obsess over the idea that OCD voices was a diagnosis. When infact OCD voices is not, it is not in the DSM for a reason. It made me feel like I was obsessing over my auditory hallucinations and therefore creating the voice which is not something that has any research to back it.

I have THC-induced psychosis and if you had asked me more questions during our August.1st appointment after I had my first temporary episode on July-28th-29th, I would not have suffered the last almost two and a half months with constant auditory hallucinations, since they stopped on the 29th of July. I had a very short THC-induced psychotic episode. I was hurt that your only advice was to take drugs when my affect and my ability to communicate effectively has not changed. I have only one symptom, which is auditory hallucinations which are getting better every single day, they started chronically on October.10th, 2023 and have slowly gotten more quiet and less frequent although I still suffer from them all day, everyday.

I am upset that when you apologized, you didn’t apologize for not having the knowledge August.1st to ask about the voice but instead you apologized that this happened to me. All I wanted was an apology for not catching this before it became a chronic problem. If you asked me questions on August.1st, when I asked you if you had talked to me empathically because I heard a voice which I thought was your voice I would have told you, I legitimately heard a voice. I would have told you I heard a loud voice inwhich I had a conversation with and I actually thought it was you speaking to me empathically due to my temporary episodic THC-induced psychosis. Unfortunately you just said you didn’t talk to me empathically and you moved on instead of focusing on the issue I tried to talk to you about. If you had asked me questions that day, I would have never developed THC-induced psychosis, it would have been that one short episode I had, as you knew I had been taking 100 MG THC tablets. Unfortunately my THC level was too high then for me to figure it out myself.

All I wanted was an apology for not having the knowledge. All I wanted when we met the last session was someone to listen to me and have empathy. When I talked about one of my previous delusions I had in October you actually giggled, you actually laughed at me. I just wanted to let you know that meeting with you that last time and basically every single time since August.1st only caused harm. The last session I was so hurt that you suggested OCD voices after a medical doctor diagnosed me with psychosis and it only made me doubt my recovery. As someone with very bad OCD, obsessing over the OCD voices hurt my recovery but you cannot create an auditory hallucination by obsessing over it. Auditory hallucinations are caused by activity in the auditory cortex. The activity is not caused by obsessions. It’s caused by an imbalance of neurotransmitters or a brain tumor. Obsessing or thinking about something cannot cause it to happen but an imbalance in neurotransmitters can, which is the direct cause of activity being picked up in the auditory cortex that is not real. Despite everything I will recover without antipsychotics or anticholinergics and I will not suffer from reoccurrence because that is a direct side effect of anticholinergics.

I wanted to meet with you Wednesday but after the last time I was deeply hurt by what you suggested. I know you know how my brain works and I actually obsessed over the idea that I was creating an auditory hallucination because I was thinking about it when that cannot happen. I actually asked people if I communicated effectively. I did not consider drugs because I knew reoccurrence was a side effect and I know psychosis is temporary and I will recover. I just wanted to fill you in as you actually did cause harm. I really liked you as a therapist when we first started meeting. I still liked you before we met again. Now I feel like you caused harm almost purposely. I don’t think you’re a bad person but I do think that you could have asked more questions when I asked you if you talked to me empathically because I heard a voice and I do think you could have shown empathy instead of laughing at me and my previous symptom of delusions. If you had asked questions on August.1st you could have prevented this chronic hallucination and you could have saved me from psychosis. Anyways I am going to wrap this up but I’m sorry I ended up canceling so close to the appointment I debated going for a while until I realized that you may say something that will make me obsess over the idea that I am not recovering just because I’m recovering slowly.

Thank you,

Nathan

[seasideretreat]

29th of July, 2023

I don't know how to talk. History teaches me everything: how to play chess, how to write tweets, how to apply myself to serious study - but it doesn't tell me how to talk. Talking is the area of politics, when you think about it. I've never been able to do this. Discuss politics. Some people have elaborate positions on current affairs; I don't. I only have these moments in which I am solitary, reserved, and then there is wisdom to tell me what to do, constant flows of knowledge that I have apparently accrued; but obviously, no collected vision of reality, no deep truths. I must write naturally. That's hard. We see there are philosophies: positions and topics that concern everything, that envelop the world in words and concepts that explain life. But we also see there is nonsense, there is foolishness.

The good life is probably better off not talking. The orators of history were all politicians. It seems the problem is that talking is not solitary. Writing is. Writing is being alone. History also teaches us that: how to be alone. Fools talk to themselves. Fools think. But everybody thinks; everybody talks to themselves. Maybe I don't even want to talk. Oh, talking is such an overrated experience! You know, talking is a lot like being on your phone. Things float by and you just keep on doing it even though it is just more of the same. You know, sometimes you start thinking that your life only makes sense when you keep talking. You know, sometimes I feel like writing is really bad for me, but when you do it with wisdom it can be really good. Yes, wisdom teaches us how to live, but it doesn't teach us how to talk. Talk is part of life, I admit it, but it is not a part of history, and history is the directress of life. Cicero said it.

Oh, how I love to philosophize! You know, some people go to college - who knows why - I mean, they work there, and you can just imagine that they have to because they need people to write towards, they need the applause of the peer system. If you are into history, you don't need a university to give you inspiration, to give you a mission. You know, during the day we really don't have that much to do. Today, even, I just sat in that goddamn chair with my phone until the news came on; and you know what, I really enjoyed watching the news. Of course, the main thing on the news today is that the world is on fire. I guess I knew that for a long time, Greta Thunberg told us and all, but it's a mess, after all, I don't even own a car. Always travelled by train. Fossil fuels are weird any case, it's all so bad. Oh, if only a Greta Thunberg had come along earlier! These are weird times. It turns out while we were all chasing happiness, something was fundamentally wrong with society, and the Earth can't take it. I guess we've always known that, but who is to blame in the last analysis? Isn't it ironic that we look to science to save us, when it is science that causes all these problems? Science tells us to dig for fossil fuels. It's science that created the locomotive, science that created the combustion engine. Oh, we've always had priests looking out for excesses in human morality. We should have listened to them, and preferred a simple life. If the reformation hadn't happened, probably there wouldn't be a climate crisis. The Catholic Church may have insisted we maintained a lifestyle free from technology. Oh man, these times are so fucking weird!

[wulka303]

29th of July

It's been a few years since the accident that caused a major change in Maverick.

Every year without his best friend was rough and it seemed like it would never change.

Even though Maverick was suffering from constant nightmares and many sleepless nights he didn't want to admit he was struggling. He couldn't.

He needed to be strong.

He needed to be strong for what's left of his family. And that is Carole and little Bradley. They needed him and his help and he was more than willing to support them.

Nobody knew nor cared how much he was hurting.

Or at least he thought so.

It was raining which was a bit unusual considering Californian climate but Maverick didn't care. He was kneeling before Goose's grave holding onto his dog tags and whispering quiet apologies for not keeping him safe.

He was crying and internally thanking whatever deity or god there is for sending rain so he could hide tears slowly running down his cheeks.

He shut his eyes and let out a desperate sob. All he wanted was to go back in time so he could avoid this fucking jet wash and save Goose.

Or at least die instead of him.

"Maverick"

Pilot startled as he heard a familiar voice. Looking up he saw...

Iceman

Iceman was standing close to him but still keeping his distance as to not scare him more. He was holding an umbrella and he looked concerned.

Those beautiful greyish eyes that Maverick learned to love were soft. His face was mix of worry and affection and he couldn't see pity there. Iceman knew Maverick didn't want any.

"Ice, what are you doing here?" he asked as his voice cracked. It was getting too much to handle.

"Taking you home and making sure you're taken care of"

Maverick wanted to protest but Ice held his hand for him. After moment of uncertainty he took it and stood up suddenly realizing how soaked he was.

"You don't have to" he said looking into Ice's soft eyes. "I can take care of myself"

Iceman raised his eyebrow and something in his face changed. Oh he didn't want to piss him off. Not today.

"Sorry" the smaller pilot muttered and looked down.

Ice sighed.

"Mav, please look at me"

When he didn't collaborate Ice took his chin in his ironically warm hand and gently made him look up. His expression was soft and full of something Maverick didn't quite dare to name.

"I know you're an idiot" Ice started and surely he wasn't good at consoling people but blush on his cheeks made Maverick want to listen to what he had to say.

Iceman cleared his throat.

"But I hope you know how much I care about you"

At that he put his hand on Maverick's cheek and smaller man leaned into the touch. Ice smiled and started stroking him gently with his thumb.

"You really do?"

"You really are stupid..."

Maverick chuckled and that was a good sign. He looked at blonde standing so close to him yet still so far away. He wanted to change that.

"Can I kiss you?" Maverick whispered.

Iceman blushed and nodded. He was embarrassed which made Maverick smile. He took it as a win and leaned in.

Their lips met halfway in chaste kiss and suddenly they were the only people in the world.

Maybe he wasn't so alone in his mourning.

(Meanwhile force ghost Goose yelling: FUCKING FINALLY)

[snailsnfriends]

The Importance of Word Choice and the Dream SMP

Recently, I saw a tweet that gained my interest about c!Tommy and c!Dream’s relationship and the replies got me thinking about something that I’ve taken notice of on here and on Twitter. This thing was the importance of word choice. Here’s the tweet I was talking about, which can be found here if you would like to see it and the replies for yourself.

Now, whether or not you personally agree with this take is irrelevant to the points I’m going to make, but it’s here for reference. Let’s begin!

The importance of word choice

As we are all aware, the Dream SMP is not real. It is all written and acted out. Everyone is part of a planned narrative, and none of the characters of the SMP are real, however, like other pieces of media, that doesn’t mean that there aren’t realistic elements to the SMP, just like any other piece of media you’ve ever consumed. In this case, it just so happens that the realistic elements of the SMP are mental illness and abuse. 

So, why is word choice important here? Let’s do an exercise to help show the importance of word choice and what it may imply. Every time “c!Tommy” or “Tommy” is written here, replace it in your head with “the victim.” Do the same for Dream, but instead replace it with “the abuser.” We’ll also replace “exile” with “abuse.” Let’s start with this reply:

If we replace the words, here’s how this tweet would read: “i mean i agree with you but i also think some people need to realize that the victim kept provoking the abuser. they were both awful to each other and i think thats the whole problem” Let’s do it again with another example:

If we replace the words, here’s how this tweet would read: “the day when people realize that the abuser was willing to compromise and the only reason why the victim was even abused was bc he couldn’t keep his mouth shut is the day i finally feel peace” Let’s do it one more time:

If we replace the words, here’s how this tweet would read: “You do realize that the victim was given several chances and was originally just going to be put on probation but he fucked up that chance lmfao / i’m not saying he didn’t go through shit in abuse, blah blah blah but he was given chances and he decided to make shit worse for himself”

“Okay, sure, cool, but why does this matter? It’s just a Minecraft roleplay. You changed the words!”

But now that the words have been swapped, you can understand how poorly these takes are worded. When these character names are put into their relationship contexts, things become obvious. Instead of these being “c!Dream apologist hot takes,” they very clearly become victim blaming and abuse justification posts, stating that the victim had it coming. That they were given chances. That they deserved it. That they made it worse for themselves. I don't think I need to explain how horrible these statements are for you to understand the problem.

This is just a Minecraft roleplay, and this is just a story, but all stories have realistic elements, and when these realistic elements are mental illness and abuse, word choice is very important, because these things are real. There are real people who go through mental illness and abuse, and when c!Dream’s abusive tendencies and c!Tommy’s victimhood and trauma responses are textbook examples, you need to be very careful when discussing them, because they are bound to be relatable and they'll hit home for many people.

“Well, why do I need to be careful? Why does it matter?”

You need to be careful, because, as I said earlier, these things are real. There are real-life abuse victims who will see these responses. There are real-life people who relate to c!Tommy’s response to trauma. They will see people who are so willing to excuse or diminish abuse, and if they’re so willing to defend abusive fictional characters, how willing will they be to defend real ones? How susceptible are these people to abuse if they can’t make out the clear signs of it? Have they gaslighted others? Have they gaslighted themselves? How does this show their implicit biases? What message is this trying to send? What real-life implications do these posts have?

Everything you have ever read has been written that way for a reason. Every historical document, every textbook, every speech, every monologue, every piece of dialogue, every descriptive paragraph in a book, every news article, everything. This is exactly why word choice is important, because it implies intent and gives the text impact. You send a message through your words, so they are never empty. Whether it’s discussing the Dream SMP characters or listening to a president’s speech or reading a textbook given to you by your school, you should always try to be aware of what words are being used, why they’re being used, what emotion they’re trying to invoke in the reader, what message is trying to be conveyed, and what the words being used imply about the speaker or narrator. The entire beginning of one of the first big Dream SMP conflicts relied on words being used for battle instead of weapons because of their importance.

And with that, I’ll leave you with this:

“We don’t win wars with battles and with armour. We win wars with our words, Tommy. We’re starting a revolution, not a war.” - (Wilbur’s The Wall: 4:54, 29th July). 

Word choice is important. Always think critically about the message you’re sending with your words. They have an impact, and they matter. 

[heatherxholloway]

[ margaret qualley | female | she/her | twenty-five ] —— it’s just another typical week in hawkins i guess — isn’t that right, heather holloway? huh, guess they can’t hear me over hold me now by the thompson twins playing on their walkman, but it looks like they’re headed to work as at melvald’s or as a lifeguard at the community pool. did you know heather has been in hawkins for her whole life? yeah, they’ve been described as a bit insecure, but i suppose them also being compassionate outweighs the negative. i’ve also heard people say they remind them of the smell of chlorine on a hot summer’s day, watching fireworks in the night sky, trying on clothes and eating ice cream on a mall trip… however, that could just be this weeks newest rumor.

                                        the basics //

full name : heather elizabeth holloway birthdate & zodiac : july 29, 1962 gender & pronouns : female, she/her sexuality : undecided occupation : employee at melvald’s & lifeguard at the community pool during summers hometown : hawkins, indiana family : tom & janet (parents), eric hunter (husband, deceased)

                                      deeper dive //

hobbies :                 BAKING - heather’s always loved baking and tends to do it when she’s stressed.                 SWIMMING - anything to do with water has always been a favorite so being a lifeguard has always been a favorite job of hers.                JAZZERCISE - something heather’s really gotten into and loves the classes at the mall.                WRITING - she’s always loved writing and really wanted to be like her dad, but the way he put her down and wanted her to be like her mom stopped her from perusing a career in journalism.

favorites :                 food - chicken and dumplings                 drink - coke, red wine (alcoholic)                 movie - sixteen candles                 song - hold me now by the thompson twins                 color - red habits :              cigarettes  / alcohol / drug use                 nervous ticks include [ playing with whatever jewelry she’s wearing, blowing bubbles when chewing gum ] loves :                 [ her father, swimming, lifeguarding, summer days, her friends, spending time at the mall, listening to music, being carefree ] fears :                 [ not having the life she wants, spiders ] talents :                  [ baking, lifeguarding, swimming, being able to cry whenever ]

                                       appearance //

height : five foot, eight inches tattoos : none scars : none piercings : ears hair : dark brown, long, usually in ponytail, curly

                                      bio //

Heather was a miracle child for her parents. They were married a few years and were trying to have a kid, but nothing was working. Finally, her mom discovered she was pregnant and they had Heather on July 29th, 1962.

Growing up, she was spoiled endlessly by her father. She would get whatever she asked for and would scream happily when he’d come home from work. She wanted nothing more than to be like him and would do fake news articles to show him, which was deemed cute at the time.

While things looked picture perfect on the outside, things weren’t like that on the inside of the family. She doesn’t remember when the shift was, but her parents started arguing more and more. Her dad was staying at work later and her mom was tired of being a stay at home mom. She was drinking more often and they would fight about that. Heather remembers hiding in her room while they fought as a kid, working on her fake news articles to calm her dad down.

As she became a teen, Heather wanted to start a path of becoming a journalist. She brought up joining the school newspaper, but her father suggested cheerleading instead. Because she wanted to make him happy, she did that instead. While she liked it and grew close to her fellow cheerleaders, she wished she was in the news room instead. The only thing she felt like she was doing for herself that the truly, full heartedly enjoyed was when she started working as a lifeguard and its the one thing she’s kept over the years.

When she graduated, life became complicated. She wanted to go to college for journalism, but again, her father didn’t want it. Instead, she continued working as a lifeguard and ended up working as a assistant to someone at city hall because her dad was friends with him and the mayor. This was all under the plan that she would quit once she met someone and was going to get married so she could be a housewife like her mother; something she never wanted to be.

Things in her life started to feel boring. While she would go out on dates and still go to parties with her friends without her dad ever finding out because he would call it very “unladylike of her”, her day to day life was boring and she rarely went on dates with guys she actually liked.

Things changed the summer of 1985 when she properly met Billy Hargrove. The two started seeing each other and she really liked him. It was never serious, but it was something she liked. Before the Fourth of July, things started to feel different with him. He was acting strange and while he was a hit with her parents, everything wasn’t right and she couldn’t quite place it. Then, after the tragedy at the mall on the Fourth, she found out he was one that died in the mall and she was heartbroken that her friend and the guy she did like died. 

Her father saw she was grieving and wanted to help her move on, so he did what any father would do and set her up with the new guy at work. While Eric was a nice guy, Heather didn’t really see it going anywhere and felt like she was just dating him to appease her dad. However, December came and they spent Christmas together and in front of her family, her proposed. Unsure what to do and scared to say no in front of her parents, she said yes. 

From there, things seemed to tumble out of her control. She quit her job at city hall and with her mom and Eric’s when she came to town, she was planning a wedding and getting a dress and setting a date for the end of March, which was months away. She felt panicked and scared and she didn’t know what to do. Suddenly, she was having a house with a yard and soon another ring on her finger and she was panicking all the way down the aisle as she said ‘I do’.

However, the day she had dreaded ended with confusion and fear and relief. It was hours after the wedding and with everything going on in town, her father barely got a hold of the photographer from the paper and they were outside the library getting photos done with the earthquake hit. Eric, seeing the line coming, pushed Heather out of the way and her father grabbed her. In the process, Eric succumbed to the strangeness of the Earthquake and passed.

Everything after that moment felt strange to her. She was sad, yes, that a nice guy lost his life, but she felt relieved. While she was a widow, she felt relief she didn’t have to be a wife. However, she had to put on an act around her family and Eric’s when they came for the funeral. And because she was married, even for a short time, she inherited all this stuff and had a house that should be for a family, so she opened it up for people to live with her.

With her father actually letting her grieve, Heather actually hasn’t dated anyone since her wedding. She doesn’t wear her wedding ring or the engagement one anymore. She keeps them put up in the back of a drawer. She’s trying to focus on herself and her friends and just getting back to things and that’s all she wants. She hopes now maybe she can secretly take journalism classes so she can do what she wants to, but for now, being a lifeguard and employee at Melvald’s is fine to her.

                                          wanted connections //

Friends - those she grew up being friends with or new ones she’s met.

Roommates - she had a big house all to herself and needs roommates.

Exes - those she dated in high school or throughout her twenties.

Hook-ups - anyone she’s had a night or more with.

Enemies - those who don’t care for her.

Secret Half-Sibling - I have an idea that her dad wasn’t exactly faithful and she may have a half-sibling she doesn’t know about out there.