#I NEED MY EX BACK SOOOOO BAD

[ratatatastic]

7.30.24 (x)

[colourstreakgryffin]

Oh my gosh! HELLOO!

Anywho~

I had a request for Alastor with a reader who’s contract with Valentino just ended and Angel brings them to the hotel to help them get on their feet, they have lots of trauma from what the endured, maybe they stay close to Alastor because he’s very much a gentleman and never treats them like Val did?

Thank you!!

Oooh! I like this one a lot! We got a second Angel but unlike Angel, we’re probably better and less snarky and bitchy. Sorry, Angel. Anyway! Idk if it’s meant to be romantic or not so I am gonna guess—

Alastor- Redemption Path

Alastor can’t help but feel sorry and feel pity for you. You’re just like Angel but you aren’t as bad as Angel. A ex-pornstar that has finally been free from the pimp Overlord, Valentino and your dear friend Angel Dust is so relieved that you’re safe from him, now, he’ll take even more measures to make sure you’ll do better than him

Bringing you to the Hazbin Hotel, Angel Dust introduced you to the Hotel Staff. Hoping they could help get you back into Hell more stably. Out of Charlie feeling immense sorry for your sexual abuse trauma, Vaggie considering to sign you up for counselling and Angel Dust barking at Husk to be nicer to you. Alastor is the one who is the most interested in you

Alastor is the one who escorted you around the Hotel. He is the only one who treated you so perfectly, he is a true sweet gentleman and he is doing much for you that it’s unbelievable. He doesn’t want anything from you? How is that possible

Throughout the days since you first checked in as a client, Alastor notices the way you follow him around and he finds it adorable. You’re such a lost lonely little puppy needing somewhere to feel safer and he doesn’t mind playing that little safety spot for you. It’s quite amusing

“Oh. My dear, is something bugging you?” Alastor asked curiously as he finally turns around to face the cute eager shorter sinner that has been clinging onto him and following him around ever since he was polite and ‘respectful’ to them. Treating them like a person and not like an object. Unlike the first and only Overlord they knew at the time, he doesn’t even notice their curvy attractive body or make creepy sexual remarks in the slightest

He just compliments the cozy colourful classy outfits they’d wear, calling each and every one ‘adorable’. He finds you adorable as a whole and he is entertained that you’re so enamoured by his kindness, that you act like a baby fawn following his mother around

The sinner that has been following him around all day, takes a few seconds to even blink. You’re shyer around Alastor since he actually gives you a voice and a say-so, something you’re unfamiliar with. Having that… you never did back with Valentino and it’s almost overwhelming that such a friendly treatment is addictive to have, the way he handles you with delicacy. He isn’t usually a man to sympathise with an awful situation but for some reason, he sympathised with you in his own special little way. You’re thankful that he is even more polite and caring than anybody you’ve ever met, even Angel!

“Oh. My, you’re shivering. Are you cold?” You didn’t actually answer Alastor with words but instead with actions, approaching him and shyly reaching out for a handhold but you didn’t actually touch him, reminding yourself of his no touching clause. You hoped he’d let you slide this once. You don’t really have anybody to talk to after you were jolted awake from night terrors over what that awful squeaking sex-obsessed freak of a moth did to you throughout your contract with him

Angel is there as a friend but he’s busy still suffering under Valentino’s maniac rule right now, you don’t want to bother any of the staff nor Charlie about your problems whilst they are busy. Sooooo

You figured your emotional support, the one who has been very patient and understanding with you. He hasn’t let you down once just of yet

Alastor willingly takes your hand when he recognises your reach out attempt and brings you up to his side in a lone but strong tug. Not minding the sweater you wore being your only coverage for your bottom half. Just a cute off-the-shoulder sweater and thigh highs. Whilst your style mirrored Angel’s in an odd way, you didn’t gross the Radio Demon out like the current top pornstar did. You’re more innocent, more sophisticated

You’re nothing like Angel, despite escaping from the same ugly world as that spider sinner is still trapped in. You’re a recovering traumatised, overexploited pornstar in need of help to gain a new life within Hell and Alastor actually likes the idea of playing that knight in shining armour you clearly view him as. He can’t tell why but he likes it

Leading you down the empty, slightly dark hallway with one arm around your body to keep you close, pressing your face against the side edge of his broad chest and the other slightly stylishly twirling his signature staff-like microphone cane, the Radio Host plans to take care of you in other ways then just hand you some blankets and set you out to your own Hotel room. He’d prefer to personally put you to sleep and the process would be begin with a picture show, a talk and a darker warmer room

You didn’t know why but your face was beet red, your heart was pounding in your chest and your eyes sparkled as you tilted your slightly fuzzy head up to look at Alastor. In, what felt like a blink, his crimson red eyes flashed a sense of genuine affection before returning to the usual half-emotionless bloody haze as the radio effect on his rather mighty voice kicks in with the overlap of both sincerely caring and classic semi-mocking Alastor style caring

It doesn’t help that you swear you can feel his heartbeat grow faster…

Is Alastor feeling the same you are?!

“Come now, darling. You’re clearly having bad sleeping patterns. How about me and you watch that picture show you’ve been holding off? Yes. Yes, I know. I don’t like your technology but I wouldn’t be a help provider if I didn’t provide you help, now would I?”

[bartxnhood]

my worst fear | t.o

tyler owens x fem!reader

based on this request: Sooooo, this is my req. You were tyler's past, thought that tyler already forgot about you when he talked to kate and all. However, he stillcare for you when the last tornado struck and he protects you and your little sister form the storm in the theater.

warnings: tornadoes, severe damage to buildings, reader and sister getting injured.

w/c: 1.6k

requests open

not proofread

Copyright © 2024 bartxnhood. All rights reserved. This original work is not allowed to be reposted on any platform in any format.

✵ ✵ ✵ ✵ ✵ ✵ ✵ ✵ ✵ ✵ ✵ ✵ ✵ ✵ ✵ ✵ ✵ ✵ ✵ ✵

you’ve heard about the infamous ‘tornado wrangler’. your ex, tyler owens. the two of you ended things years ago, you were still living in arkansas at the time.

it was a mutual ending, you couldn’t keep up with his adrenaline-fueled dreams, chasing these nightmarish storms.

you moved states after something happened in the family and took your sister. now you were in oklahoma, where tyler was working. unusual weather patterns causing different storm-chasing crews were roam the state and happen to be in your county.

you did everything you could to keep your distance from tyler. you wanted to avoid him at all costs because you knew if you saw him, you’d realize you didn’t quite stop loving him.

“y/n!” your little sister pulls you out of your daze as she points to a stuffed cat and pulls your arm.

“is this one you want?”

she nods her bright smile could light up the whole planet. you ready for the calico-colored cat, “we’ll take this one”.

the vendor nods as you pay them, and hands you back the change. “have a good one.” they smile.

you hand the cat to your little sister as she hugs it closer to her chest, rambling nonsense. “amelia. hand.” you demand, snapping your fingers to grab her attention.

her small hand finds yours and the two of you continue looking through the vendors set up on the block.

it was a perfect day for a festival, the sun was shining and the sky was blue. you thought after a week-long run of bad storms and tornadoes was over.

so, it came as a surprise when the tornado sirens began to sound. you stop on your tracks, watching the people around you. “sissy, what’s happening?” amelia asks. you look down at her and smile, “i’m not sure, amy. stay close.” the little girl nods, holding your hand tighter.

you study the people walking around town. some of them taking off in their vehicles, others continuing their activities as if it was just another warning.

dark clouds swirled through the skies, growing darker and more ominous as the seconds passed. the winds picked up in speed and force, becoming more powerful as the storm continued to grow. thunder roared and lightning flashed, lighting up the sky in bursts of bright light.

clouds swirled in what soon became a funnel. “oh god..” you breathe, tugging at your sister. “we gotta go!” you holler.

tyler owens caught a glimpse of something familiar in the chaos caused by the storm. squinting, he noticed you and your younger sister struggling through the debris-filled streets. “y/n?!”

the sight of you struggling amid the disaster immediately sent a pang of concern through him. ignoring the past, he knew he had to help you. rushing towards you, “y/n! you need to get inside!” tyler yells over the booming crack of thunder.

“i can’t find her!” you yell back. “who?!”

“amelia! my sister. she was here and then she was just gone!” you feel your chest constricting. your heart was pounding so hard it was getting harder to breathe. you whip your head around searching for the little girl in a pink summer dress.

“you need to go inside!” tyler tries reaching for your arm to guide you to the movie theater where everyone else is. “i can’t!” you step back, “i need to find her! i can’t leave her out here.”

tyler grabs you by your shoulders, making you look at him. “y/n, go inside and get to somewhere safe. you won’t be any help out here looking for her if you get hurt. i’ll find her, go!”

he gives you a little push and you begin towards the movie theater before the storm could sweep you away. you look back, and tyler nods, assuring you that he’d find your sister.

tyler sped through the battered town, his eyes scanning the surroundings for the little girl while telling other survivors to get inside.

his boots stomp against the pavement, dodging debris and other obstacles. until, he spotted a young girl, no older than ten, struggling to make her way through the rubble-strewn streets.

her wide eyes were filled with terror as she stumbled down to her knees, calling out for her sister, you.

he hurried over to her, a mix of concern and determination on his face.

"c'mon! we have to get you somewhere safe," he called over the howling wind, extending a hand to help her up.

as he led her towards the nearby movie theater, thoughts of his past with you filled his mind, but he pushed those thoughts aside, focusing purely on getting her to safety.

inside the theater, you were scanning the room frantically. everyone in the room yelling, asking if they’d seen someone they lost. people yelling at each other to get down and take cover.

the theater shook as a loud growl could be heard outside. you look up towards the ceiling, watching it crumble.

“you need to get down!” a lady reaches for your arm and tries to push you in between the seats.

there’s a moment when it goes silent for you, everything is moving in slow motion as you look towards the exits and hear the familiar wailing of a little girl.

“oh thank god.” you cry, running towards tyler holding the little girl, and scoop her into your arms. the two of you a sobbing mess, you squeeze her tightly and look up at tyler. “thank you, thank you so much.”

he nodded, pressing his lips in a tight smile. “ty!” someone yells, running towards him. “we gotta get these people to the back, this building isn’t built for a storm like this.”

tyler looks at the surroundings and agrees with javier. he begins ushering people towards the back, “y/n, get back and stay low!” he yells her the roaring tornado.

you take amelia and hunker down between the rows of theater chairs, holding each other tightly. “close your eyes!” you hold your hand over her eyes, shielding her from any debris. you hold her close to your chest and grip onto the bottom of the chairs.

once tyler got most people to the back of the theater, tyler approached you and your little sister huddled together in the theater, the building creaking and groaning as the tornado's intensity increased.

suddenly, the wind howled louder, a vortex of air tearing through the room, threatening to rip you all apart.

in a desperate move, tyler lunged towards you, wrapping his arms fiercely around you, anchoring you to him as the winds tried to tear the two of you apart. you clung to him, her fingers digging into his shoulders as they fought against the storm's wrath.

your knuckles grip onto your sister's torso, keeping her pinned to your body.

tyler stood anxiously next to the ambulance, watching as the two sisters were being examined by the paramedics inside. he couldn't shake off the sense of protectiveness he felt towards you, even after all these years.

“sit still, hun.” you coo, rubbing her shoulders as the paramedics take her vitals.

as you glanced out of the back of the ambulance, your eyes locked with his for a brief moment. tyler's heart skipped a beat, and he realized that his old feelings for you had never truly faded away, no matter how much he tried to deny it.

“can you watch her for a second?” you as the woman, tending to amelia.

“where you goin?” amelia asks, reaching for your arm. “i gotta go talk to a friend, amy. i’ll be right back.” you press a kiss into her hair and walk over to the man.

“she’s grown up,” tyler says as you stand next to him.

“yup.” you reply, letting a comfortable silence fill the air.

“how old is she?” he asks.

“seven. she just had a birthday last week”

“wow.” tyler rests his hands on his hips, recalling how little she was when the two of you were dating.

“thank you. sincerely. i don’t know what i would’ve done if..” you trail off, covering your eyes unable to finish the sentence.

“shh.” he pulls you into his side, soothing your worries. “don’t think like that. just glad i was here when i was.”

you wrap an arm around his torso, leaning into his side.

despite the years that had passed since the breakup, the sight of tyler had stirred up a mixture of emotions. seeing him again brought back memories – good and bad – that were tinged with a touch of nostalgia.

what surprised you most, however, was the realization that those old feelings for him hadn't faded as much as you believed.

“thank you, tyler. genuinely” you repeat, wiping your eyes. “of course.” he smiles, looking down at you.

“go get checked. that cut looks bad” he suggests, examining the cut on your forehead. “i will.” you smile, watching as your sister hops down from the ambulance and runs towards you.

you bend down and scoop her into your arms, resting her on your hip. “did you tell mister owens ‘thank you’?” you ask amelia, who tries to hide behind your hair.

“thank you, mister owens” she says, bashfully.

“anytime, darlin.” he gently pats the girls arm. “i’ll catch yall later” he says, taking a few steps back but you stop him.

“tyler, do you want to come over for dinner?” you ask.

tyler stops in his tracks, turning back to face you. a huge grin forming on his face. “i’d love that”

[stillfrownyclownlol]

@moonbiine got me with the Aiden bug

I thought a lot about how to start this and none of them were good so, here's this;

Frowny's Thesis on Aiden Clark having Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD) based on the DSM-5 criteria, living with people with BPD (hi dad!), being...me!, and general vibes.

What is BPD?

Borderline Personality Disorder is defined by a prolonged disturbance of function marked by depth and variability of mood, pattern of unstable personal relationships, unstable self-image, marked impulsivity, and other symptoms. They can manifest in very different ways (the way it appears between my dad and my grandma for example is not the same), but generally includes this.

1. Fear of Abandonment

Nobody wants to be left behind, that's a given, but for people with BPD this fear can spiral into a paranoid phobia that impacts all their personal relationships. Because BPD is influenced by environmental factors, this often stems from children being abandoned in their youth (ex. My father was the child of a teen pregnancy and his parents couldn't care for him for the first few years of his life, letting him be raised by his grandparents. I also grew up alternatively without my mom and withouty my dad, and once for a time with neither of them)

It's been shown to us before that Aiden's parents are often absent from the house, for even months at a time. He seems very used to this and it's likely he grew up very isolated or passed around between different relatives. And I do think this shows in his attachment style; he is a very clingy and sort of "decides" to hyperfixate on a certain person (Ash *coughs*) in the hopes that they'll become friends, and he does this very quickly. Already so scared of losing Ash on that roof even tho he's only known her for like 3 months at this point. He really can't bear the thought of her not being with him.

On the subject of Ash he's idolized her sooooo bad she's so screwed. Pls the Angelic lighting filter he puts on her?? SHE CANT SAVE YOU AIDEN. YOU HAVE TO DO IT YOURSELF. (But i get it its hard) Ties back into how people with BPD see the world in strict black and white, he can't see Ash's flaws and that's how he defends her so much, she's literally like a savior to him and here comes the disciple complex.

He's been forced to move so many times, he's probably made friends who just couldn't keep up the effort of maintaining a long distance friendship and ghosted him, or even him doing the opposite, pushing people away just to avoid the sting of abandonment again. They can't hurt you if you hurt them first.

2. Unstable self-image.

He bleaches his hair end of story /j

No but really, tell me Aiden doesn't put up a persona- he's gone through the phases from quiet gifted kid to an impulsive extroverted mischievous mess. Don't you just look at him and feel the self-hatred coming off in waves?? Dyeing his hair, getting contacts, the ever present grin that must be painful at this point, it's like he can't...look at himself. Like he doesn't want to look at himself.

He can't even face his own problems; he literally paints a clown face on himself after dying cuz he doesn't want to process his feelings about it lol 🫠

Like genuinely, how exactly does Aiden want to be perceived? What is the point of this facade? For himself? For other people? I think he's just trying to shut away his past and start fresh without having to confront it, but...when the root is rotten, nothing healthy can grow, so he needs to get to the source of his issues.

3. Anger regulation problems

Unpopular opinion probably but he seems so angry to me. It's definitely WAY more present in the early chapters like when he goes tf off on Tyler, he was barely controlling himself there asdfghjkl- but I think it manifests more in him attacking the phantoms, it's obviously an adrenaline thing for him but I think he's taking out a lot of anger at the same time too. Even if some of this anger is coming from a righteous place; the desire to protect his loved ones (which ties into the abandonment too, you are still abandoned even when it wasn't their choice), because peope with BPD see the world as smth very...dangerous, I guess is the word? Even if maybe that doesn't apply to themselves

(Fastpass spoilers)

He's also not above taking his anger out on humans either considering he was about to take Alex's eyes out with that paintbrush and was gonna choke the life outta them-

(Done.)

4. Consistent feelings of sadness/worthlessness.

5. Self-injury, suicidal behaviour, suicidal ideation.

Aiden do be a sadboi even with all the smiley faces on his clothes. I think this is probably smth that was way worse when he was younger that led to that depression where he was locked in his room eating junk food and disassociating, and while he's probably coping with it differently it's still smth he struggles with. I mean shiiiiiit, because of his impulsiveness he does kinda cause problems but God he feels SOOOO goddamn bad about it lahdlsj, he was so guilty about the Ash situation, he probably beat himself up so much about that-

Emotions are very extreme, it's 'similar' to bipolar disorder with manic and depressive episodes, except they happen at a much quicker scale (in the same day for ex.) which seems to me how Aiden only lets himself experience positive emotions even tho he's in a deeply stressful situation (even tho there's good parts too like his friends) because he just can't handle having to fully experience those negative emotions.

Check, check, check! Aiden has zero self preservation instincts, he throws himself off walls, gets up close and personal with phantoms that could easily kill him, actually didn't give a fuck about dying?? Actually ENJOYED IT? But didn't wanna do it again because his Favourite person was worried about him and the absolute high of that feeling completely beat out anything else?? Okay man, we get it, you're living for somebody else at this point-

People with BPD suffer from chronic feelings of emptiness and pain is the best kind of distraction for Aiden (cue: him slamming his forehead on the table because he's bored)

6. Impulsive behaviors (aka a bunch of shit which can be summed up as addictions)

Well, for starters, he's an absolute adrenaline junkie, because he feels so constantly empty Aiden wants something to make him feel alive. And adrenaline is the flawless, biological, factual answer to this. Ergo all his octane hobbies and impulsive behaviors. Ties back into his obsessiveness, which, don't get me wrong this doesn't make him a bad guy or anything, we all get a little obsessed with things sometimes, that's just things humans do- but when you have bpd, it's very...difficult to just STAY happy, like an addiction, when the high wears off, they're empty again.

Maybe a bit of a stretch, but considering all the Ramen packets in his room when he was younger I wouldn't be surprised if he had some sort of ED or binge eats (Same bestie.)

Also for sure a reckless driver I'm 99% sure he crashed all those go-karts he drived before.

---

I don't really know where I'm going with this. It's hard to live with somebody who has BPD, it's hard to live with it yourself, it's hard to see other people go through it even when it's hurting yourself. I hate pushing people away, but you get so caught up in your own thoughts, and it just...happens...and when it's done...you really regret it, but it's too late...and you just wonder if things are better like this, being alone and not hurting anybody anymore, cuz they're certainly happy on their own

I don't think anybody who has bpd is automatically a bad person, they just have things harder than normal. People with BPD....they can be amazing artists, or good with animals, or really very kind. They have very big hearts, thats why they feel so deeply. And I think Aiden is a good person, because he has so much love to give, but has never been given an outlet to express that properly, but you can see him making great strides in learning how, with the help of his friends 🧡

Might edit this later when I get my thoughts more clear it's midnight here lol

[hyperactive-and-hyperfixating]

Ok I’m back.

*Good Omens series 2 spoilers*

I slept on it and I’ve settled a bit with the kiss scene. Even though I still feel ripped open and aching over the whole thing. It was giving us what we wanted but in the most excruciating way. (Thanks for that, Gaiman)

In all seriousness, I loved the season. The entire story and smaller stories throughout. I know it’s building for something greater too. I trust Neil implicitly to make it right in s3. I’m just gonna be in panic mode until it’s confirmed. And by make it right I mean literally Crowley and Aziraphale making amends. I don’t mean to say what happened is in any way wrong. It’s exactly how it would play out, it’s just not happy and fluffy. It’s REAL. Neil did an amazing job (hurting us ha) bringing that to the screen. And Michael and David.

I’ve wrapped my head around the idea a bit more and it makes sense that Aziraphale would still fight it. It’s his m.o. He needs time to acclimate and catch up to Crowley. It just hurts. I’m hurting as Crowley. He’s always ready to jump. To make the move. He always put his heart on the line for Aziraphale, albeit a bit more subtly. He wants Aziraphale to choose him like he’s done for the angel so many times before. Wants to be loved and accepted. By the only person who would, could and SHOULD. Ow.

But honestly it’s been this long and they’ve gone through so much together a little longer isn’t too bad, right? And hey, we got ineffable bureaucracy canonized???? That’s… incredible. I won’t even get started on that here and now. This season WAS romantic. For so many different reasons and pairings.

Nina and Maggie are another good example of relationships done realistically. Not like in the movies. Neither avoiding rain under a canopy or dancing at a ball is going to make Nina magically move on from her seemingly very toxic (narcissistic/abusive?) recent ex. And if she did it wouldn’t be a very healthy start for her and Maggie.

Once again, praise Gaiman, for somehow mixing traditional notions of romance and love with reality so seamlessly. It didn’t have that feeling of cold reality some movies and shows do when trying to prove the point of “not all endings are happy.” And it wasn’t just ooey gooey either. Brilliant. The man’s just brilliant.

Ok, I’m gonna wrap this up cause I could go on. There’s sooooo much more I could touch on and this was supposed to be short. After decompressing a bit I’m looking forward to rewatching the whole thing again knowing how the storylines all play out.

[saintobio]

Omg ok ok hello! I had this huge rant in my head about sy and sn so pls feel free to ignore it, but I love your writing so much and it gives me some STRONG FEELINGS. First of all it surprised me that I like the way you write y/n cuz she doesn't become a "bitch" after the whole deal with Gojo and have some elaborate revenge plan, but she is also not a goody two shoes (even if she stayed with Gojo earlier but she had a lot of external pressure to stay in the marriage). Not that those tropes are necessarily bad but it's just more realistic this way. She's just a person who has been deeply hurt and is trying to do right by others. Even if she has made big mistakes, she still wants to make up for them cuz she's not completely in the right either. Also getting bashed by everyone for trying to make amends/ not following their advice regarding you own life; while very triggering for me (lol) is also just such a natural reaction. Not right, just natural. When things get out of people's hands and they want to blame someone for it, they often go for the one who is actually trying and won't retaliate if for nothing than to just keep the peace. Also wanting people to understand your side of the situation yet feeling undeserving of it at the same time because of your mistakes is UGHHH I feel like you do that so well! It's amazing but genuinely heartbreaking to see how far Satoru has come as a person too. Also when he thinks about how he wants to be a better person for Akemi IT MADE ME WANT TO PUT MY HEAD THROUGH A WALL... cuz WHY COULDN'T HE BE LIKE THAT FOR US!!! At the same time we have moved on without him, so if we are allowed that luxury then why isn't he? It's just so ANGSTY AND SO SO GOOD! Because we love Satoru we always will but he had a chance and he fricked it over terribly! So it would be idiotic to go back to him but at the same time the heart yearns for him. This is a side tangent but whenever any character says "this is not like you", "you have changed, this isn't how you'd act" makes me so MAD lol (maybe bc I am triggered?) But these guys WATCHED MY GIRL GO THROUGH SOME HORRIFIC SHIT AND STILL EXPECT HER TO NOT BE PERMANANTLY AND IRREVERSIBLY CHANGED???!! ;-;; IDK what they want from her oof >.< I do think Akemi is a shitty friend but I can't bring myself to hate her completely. Seeing them together is so ANGER INDUCING AAAAA (and her wanting a family with him is fine BUT THIS EARLY?!JUST AFTER ADMITTING YOU FEEL "SORRY" FOR BETRAYING US?! IT MAKES ME WANNA HURL HER TRHOUGH CONCRETE) but at the same time Satoru and Akemi both deserve someone who can love them. It feels hypocritical to be angry when we ourselves told him to move on and find someone who can love him the way he deserves. It's just very very shitty it had to be them. Sera is also such an interesting character. She has a lot of traits that I admire a lot. Her resourcefulness and complete and utter pride/confidence and being unashamed to ask for things/ stand up for herself (even when she is wrong) is something I wish I had sometimes. Still wanna stick her head through a toilet tho and yet when a person who slept with a married man can see the bloody violation of girls' code that is sleeping with your bff's EX HUSBAND oh BOY you should KNOW SOMETHING IS WRONG. I have no strong feelings for Toji (cuz I don't like him much anyways but that's just personal bias XD )but I do think his anger and frustration is well founded especially since he runs over whenever the reader needs him. He's so supportive and invested and honestly he deserves someone who can give that back to him. It's kinda sad but then again I don't like him much to begin with lol.

OH AND THE ENDING OF THE LAST CHAPTER IS SOOOOO PAINFUL. To always be the second choice even for YOUR SON OHHH MAN I'D RATHER YOU PUT A KNIFE THROUGH MY HEART ;-;

All in all I hate how much I love this series and love to hate these characters and take out my repressed anger on them cuz I can't do that irl. This series is my Roman Empire lol. It's so painful, yet so beautiful and it makes you FEEL so many things and yet hold out hope for things to become better. I love this, love you and your writing- ok mwah bye bye (and thank you if you read this rant put together by my post nap, barely coherent brain) I have so much more that I want to say. I can write essays about this series and how it uses so many technically "cliche" tropes but it is anything but cliche . Truly some of the best angst I have read like ever!

oh wow !! i don’t even know what to say, this feels like such a comprehensive review of the sy series sdksks but i think many readers could definitely relate with some of ur points here :D this is such a nice perspective to read, thank you so much for sharing and tysm for reading sn/sy aaaaa i’m happy u enjoy the angst as much as i do <3

[mulders-too-large-shirt]

s2 episode 3 thoughts

here we go! this episode is titled "blood" which did not bode well for me, the girl who hates blood. but i am dedicated and pushed through in the name of our mission.

we open at a post office. sometimes, i think it would be fun to work in a post office.

but alas! our postman has received a paper cut. he licks it up which... can't be hygienic.

and then he immediately gets fired :( this is sooooo unfair

when he returns to his post his machine reads "KILL"!!! my first thought was that this was gonna be a little shop of horrors style thing where an inanimate object tastes blood and Likes it (Which is sort of what happened? but mostly not really)

((side note: need to see mulder and scully take on audrey two))

so it seems that the people are either being told by machines to do some killing or all the members of the town are experiencing collective hallucination...

mulder arrives. i was distracted by his fluffy hair. from the notes: "his hair is fluffy. he isn't saying much at this crime scene but his hair is fluffy"

! MULDER LORE REVEAL ! he played right field! (this was brought up when the policeman mentioned the suspect was on the softball team)

back to our post office friend, who is near a child with a random nosebleed whilst getting some money, and now the ATM is telling him to kill people

mulder points out that these are spree killings and not serial ones <-okay human embodiment of the nerd emoji.

it's a totally normal report on the crimes, no spooky stuff involved, and scully is reading it... until he mentions UFOs and she says to herself "i was wondering when you'd get to that" LMAOOOOO she knows him too well

we see a woman being lured into a dark garage by a mechanic and i thought i knew where this was going but i DIDN'T because SHE gets paranoid and the machine tells her the guy is gonna get her and she freaks out and STABS HIM

mulder arrives to the crime scene with a really funny looking camera. can anyone provide me more information about this camera? i'm curious

anyway, he shows up at the house of the woman who killed the mechanic, and we see another example of his bountiful social skills when he asks to come in and she says "i'm late for work" and he just barges in and says "you can blame me". i love this man so bad it's actually a problem. he WILL get inside of ur house.

but her microwave is telling her to kill him and she pulls out a knife and STABS him and i was yelling NOOOOOOOO! and then the cop he was with shoots her and VERY QUICKLY we get a cutscene to....

SCULLY AUTOPSY TIME!!!!!!

she thinks there's some sort of chemical that is making the people do this

we also see poor wet meow meow mulder's bandaged arm :(

back to the ex-postman, who is seeking new gainful employment at a supermarket in which there are guns for sale in the back, another reminder that this show is set in america. he starts to see evil things in the TV but resists (and it might be related to the blood drive at the store but? it's a little unclear tbh)

mulder running scene! getting his cardio in! the man is dripping in sweat! he sees a guy toss some stuff in a yard and it's... dead bugs?

so who does he take the bugs to? well, the weirdos who previously were consulted for another case: the conspirators at the lone gunman! famous for the one guy hitting on scully and ripping up her twenty dollar bill

so we're back to these freaks and he says he didn't see their latest issue because "it arrived the same day as my subscription to Celebrity Skin"

now, i had an educated guess here based on name alone, but needed to confirm what this "celebrity skin" truly was. a search brings you to an album by the band Hole, and i was like omg!!! we're gonna get an insight into his canon music taste!!!! there is nothing more i LOVE than learning a character's favorite artists <3

but, this cannot be... for the show takes place before 1998, when the album was released... so i dig further

chat, as expected, it is a porn mag. seems to have involved some unethical stuff. mulder: ur a sick man.

the even sicker man who previously hit on scully was like "where's your little friend?" and he counters with "she wouldn't come. she was too afraid of her love for you" and the weirdo responds with "she's tasty"

now i want you to buckle your seat belts for what mulder says next. buckled? secured? sat? everyone is in a safe position? okay. he says:

"you know, it's men like you that give perversion a bad name"

HELLO? hey. hi! quick question <3 what does that mean. mulder a freak confirmed????

(i mean i guess we DID already know he fucked phoebe on arthur conan doyle's grave, which is going to stick in my head forever, but. don't make it worse. sometimes he's such a Man)

anyway the weirdos at the lone gunman think it's related to pesticides. and then mulder asks to borrow their night vision goggles and the weirdest of weirdos is like "only if you give me scully's number!"

cutscene to him using the night goggles

(mulder, if you gave that creep her number, i will NEVER forgive you. so keep that in mind)

he's sitting in a field and it looks so natural, like he really belongs there. bring back sitting in fields. but then he breaks into the orchard and gets sprayed by some pesticides and thoroughly knocked on his ass

mulder's yelling at some guy to take responsibility for the pesticides that he thinks are killing people... a moral crusader serving on the front lines...

scully's here now, btw. she took his blood. which had to be a strange experience. and then she mentions that she FLEW 300 MILES in the MIDDLE OF THE NIGHT to come take his blood?

holy shit, mulder. she did that for you and you've been so broody and angsty lately and maybe even gave some dick her phone number. holy shit mulder, do not blow this. you cannot afford to blow this. she is soooo good to you.

anyway, he's seeing the same evil messages in technology the killers were now so that's a bummer

mulder proposes that this is some sort of subliminal messaging thing that is being activated by the fear-inducing pesticides and the cop gets pissed and leaves, to which he says "he's probably one of those people that thinks Elvis is dead"

so that's the SECOND line in this show about him being an elvis truther and i'm starting to think it's not a joke

back to the ex-postman. people are coming to his door to take blood and test for the chemicals in the pesticides and he's going bonkers. he's seeing "KILL" in his calculator, which is how you know things are rough. his watch even beeps and says "KILL" which i think would make a very very very very funny gif if anyone has that.

well, all of a sudden he's missing so the agents go to his house and knock. until.

scully realizes the door is open and just. lets herself in. i was laughing SO hard here. these bitches WILL get into your house. they will NOT wait for an invitation. truly a sign of soulmatism.

ex-postman was running running and they're like omg where is heeeeee he's gonna hurt people!!! scully is once again proving her genius status by saying that if it's a paranoia case, then all these guys in police uniforms need to get out of view.

(there's also this shot where mulder is like. smoldering. and she's behind him and man. height difference content i really really do love you and your work <3)

our crazed ex-postman climbs a tower at a college and is gonna start shooting but he's also hallucinating and laughing maniacally which i described in my notes as "entering his joker era"

mulder runs up and prevents a shootout using some handy jujitsu. neeeeed to see if this man is a black belt. for character driven purposes.

but he says that he knows the guy can't stop and overall it's an eerie situation because you can tell the pesticides are still in his brain as well. and his arm is bleeding again and this makes the other guy go into overdrive.

um. okay.

crisis averted...?

well, you sure would like to think that, wouldn't you? but the episode ends with mulder calling scully, and then HE sees more evil stuff in his phone! and it fades to blackness as her voice is heard through the speaker...

(i love that she knew it was him immediately. despite the silence. and that her train of thought went from "it's scully" to "mulder is it you?" to "mulder, what's wrong?" talk about a connection!)

hope he doesn't do anything too impulsive...

in conclusion: my very surface level interpretation of this episode was that it was warning us to not be controlled by technology, which i'm sure felt more relevant back in the day. but now that i have to click "don't sell my data" when i browse flavors of soup for sale online, i think we might just no longer be the target audience. or maybe it's even more relevant! an argument could be made both ways.

down with pesticides, though! i can get behind that! when's the last time you saw a bee? bring them back!

[mickeym4ndy]

Tee, your tags on the Yev post are so correct! I absolutely think Mickey would have had a bigger storyline with Yev (and Svetlana) if he'd been in s6, alongside him and Ian being awkward exes who get back together eventually. I wanna do something with that in the s6 au I'm planning to write at some point, because it's so important for Mickey to be able to make a concerted effort to be a better man and dad than his own father was. And we know he's so much better than Terry, but Mickey ofc is so afraid of becoming his dad. And loving Yev and being there for him as a father is a way for him to heal from that generational trauma and not let himself be that person <3

Yes exactly!! I really think that this scene:

Was setting up a storyline for the next season where Mickey builds a relationship with Yevgeny. Like to me, this looks like as much as he is struggling, he does love his son (and this is the first time he’s realizing that).

I made a post about this before and @atthedugouts mentioned in the tags that so much of Shameless is about whether a child will repeat the sins of their parents or make different choices and break the cycle, and there was sooooo much to explore about that with Mickey & Yevgeny.

Which would’ve been such an interesting storyline. Not that Mickey would ever be as bad as Terry, but I think it’s something he’d struggle with within himself. I could actually talk about Mickey in season 6 & 7 for hours lol, I have soooo many ideas. And Mickey & Yevgeny is my favourite unexplored storyline.

I’ve said before I think it would’ve ultimately changed Gallavich’s dynamic a bit, not at the beginning, but eventually (things change when you become a parent, your kid needs to come before your partner sometimes, and Mickey for the last few years had put Ian first for everything) and that’s something I think they’d need to work out while they’re in the midst of the re getting to know each other/ getting back together stage.

But even outside of his relationship w Ian, in general it would have been so fascinating to see how Mickey grapples with trying not to be like his dad while loving Yevgeny but also struggling with how he was conceived and how traumatizing it was for him.

I think maybe he’d overcompensate a bit - be soo hard on himself if Yev ever simply fell over and hurt himself a bit while Mickey was watching him. Or if Mickey was ever struggling not to lose it while Yev’s crying (because it would be so overstimulating for him). Even though it wouldn’t be his fault I think he’d still struggle and blame himself and fall back into the “oh god I can’t do this I’m just like my dad” sometimes.

And he’d then try so hard to be better and be there as much as he can almost to a fault. And you’re so right it would’ve been such an opportunity for him to heal and to break the cycle. I think it also would’ve put his own childhood into perspective - he wants to protect Yev from anyone that would hurt him, so it’s so jarring for him to realize how much he was hurt and allowed to be hurt when he was a kid.

I’m also in general not a huge fan of the throuple storyline. So I would’ve LOVED to have seen Mickey & Svet be a coparenting/accidental bestie duo throughout the season (it wouldn’t have been like that straight away but eventually) and all the hijinks they could get up to - scams, funny stuff with Yevgeny, maybe going out to find real jobs together, if Mandy called Mickey about the dead guy and he brought Svetlana along (I need post murder sibling bonding pls). Just in general being a little unconventional family, because we know family is super important to Svet.

Also at this point most of Mickey’s family is gone and Ian’s broken up with him. Svet & Yev would be all he has left. It makes sense that he’d end up relying on & cling to them. (This is another reason why I think Gallavich would be different when getting back together after being apart for the better part of a year, both of their priorities would have shifted a bit).

Sorry this got so long, this is just one of my favorite topics I could genuinely talk about it for hours😂 I can’t wait to read your season 6 au fic!! Already know it’ll be so good!

[anonymous-dentist]

Do you have any fics for qsmp you enjoy reading? Like your personal favs? Or ones you think have potential?

YES OKAY!

1. Along Came a Spider

If you aren't reading this one, you're wrong because it's super good? Basically, Roier gets bit by a radioactive spider, Quackity is I think Norman Osborn, and Cellbit is a Very Normal Person who definitely isn't a literal cat burglar. It's super well written, all the characters are fun, there's a lot of intrigue going on, and the fandom needs more superhero aus, and what better character to use than the literal Spider-Man?

2. Divided Soul

I think everyone's been keeping up with this one, but I still recommend it!! It's some cool high fantasy shit starring Vegetta as a prince being haunted by his ex boyfriend (/pos) and Foolish as the Literal Most Traumatized Man On Earth. If you like angst and hurt/comfort, this is the one for you.

3. eternally, forever.

Another Fooligetta fic, this one's another popular one, but for good reason! It's heartbreaking in the amount of love you can feel coming off of Foolish the entire time, and then? Yeah. Read it, it's definitely worth it.

4. The Reason (English version linked here, but definitely check out the Portuguese or Spanish ones if that language works better for you!!

Where do I even begin. F!Cell never escaped from prison, and he is making it everybody's problem, including the new guy on the (cell) block, Roier, who is definitely supposed to be there. Definitely. This one's darker so only check it out if you're into like. Dark shit. But also it's super good, so yeah!!

5. partners (in crime)

This one is an Ordem Paranormal au and it's only one chapter rn but I think there will be more? Unsure! But, as it is, it's cute! I don't know a ton about OP, but Cellbit gets teased, and everyone is cute, and I hope there's more because I'm already invested. It is in Portuguese, but translating it is so worth it.

6. Red Gunpowder

This one's a newer one, only one chapter so far, but I'm super into it already I think? Basically, Cellbit is a Traumatized Cop and Roier is... not in the fic yet, but he sounds fun just from the description. The first chapter was pretty cool, and I can't wait to see where it goes!

7. Icarus is Flying Too Close to the Sun & This is How It Feels to Take a Fall (series linked)

Two fics in one bullet point because they're both just that good! All three of Bobby's parents try and get Bobby back, and it's super heartfelt and I felt Emotions and it's sweet :( Definitely read it!

8. your palms; a home for my soul

This one is so SWEET!! Basically, Roier's heart is broken, and he goes to a heart fixer to... fix it. (It's magic, don't question it.) It's a twoshot, but it's sooooo cute, the metaphor is INSANE and I went AAAA

9. Breaking Dawn

So this one's pretty popular as well, but it's for good reason! Basically, Cellbit is a wannabe paranormal investigator and Roier is a werewolf. I think it was supposed to just be a romcom from the author's description, but there's so much more? There's this whole sideplot with Felps being kidnapped and Roier being real shady about everything and Cellbit being the densest man on the planet, and it's super worth a read if you've got a couple hours to spare!

10. The Red Means I Love You!!

Okay so you know me by now, you know I love fucked up little guys finding love, and this one sure does have a fucked up little guy! Basically, q!Cellbit accidentally summons c!Roier to possess his husband when he was trying to summon Romero Richas to interrogate it, and things sure do happen. The characterization is killer, and so is c!Roier, who is so desperate for love that he'd kill for it. (Unfortunately for him, he's kinda met his match in the form of someone who'd kill to get his love back.)

11. Bad Romance

This is the direct sequel to the last fic, and normally I'm not too into that? But this one's worth it imo. Picking up after the end of the last fic, c!Roier breaks f!Cell out of prison and f!Cell definitely doesn't manipulate Roier into agreeing to help him murder Pac e Mike over them leaving him behind in prison. I'm not too into toxic relationships, but I have hope for these two tbh, who else could love them but each other?

And that's my fic rec list! It's just off the top of my head tbh, so sorry about that!

[nicomrade]

so i reread the scott pilgrim comics this week for the first time since 2019? lots of stuff happened in my life in-between + i learned to actually like, pay attention when reading so this specific reread felt really important to me- the issue of reading it in french for the first time aside. heres some misc thoughts i had while reading! some of this stuff is drawing from conversations about the comics ive had with people over the years, i dont mean to break any new ground here, and i dont have a specific lense to look at the comics through so its not structured like analysis either. full thoughts under the cut! i hope you all like going on this little trip with me ^-^

so first of, the X motif! this i KNOW i saw someone else talk about. it comes up first on scott's jacket with the X-men patch (and it comes up again in that context- "then wolverine is crucified on a big X") and also on knives' scott-shrine, her dad slashes an X over scott's picture. these are the two biggest exemples but there really are Xs constantly in the imagerie of the comics, which is great and i love. the comic is about fighting ramona's exs, and this is foreshadowing that scott himself will be one, but its also generally about the baggage that comes with existing. at its core its really comics about dealing with whats over, so we get into scotts relationships w envy & kim & knives (& ramona), but we also get into his relationship with lisa (what couldve been) we also see him move flats (the end of an era!), in volume 1 scott tells knives about the house he grew up in that now belongs to another family, scott breaking his bass & no longer being in a band, etc. theres sooooo many flashback sequences in these comics and references to the past… its all about the X.!

loosely related in the foreshadowing department there are genuinely so many background details of stories about people who dont matter to the comics that foreshadow later developments. the details of why Crash & the Boys changed drummers is straight up the dynamics of Clash at Demonhead, theres the Lucas Lee movie on the BG thats visually identical to scotts memory of when he got with kim- and the reveal that the lady in that movie wasnt dead is arguably foreshadowing for scott reviving in volume 6? if you know whats happening in the story, rereading the volumes really is so rewarding. it also helps on a first read cause unconsciously its not the first time you're hearing about these ideas so theyre easier to digest & accept. this is also what the character explicitely referencing what will happen later is for- "i wonder how the Boys & Crash can do music without instruments- maybe it will be relevant later in the evening" "i'd need a deus ex machina to beat todd", these help you accept when these things do seemingly "come out of nowhere" later in the scene (and poke cheerful fun at it lol these are fun comics)

a personal fave of mine is the phrase "read the comic sometime" thats repeated in the early volumes at characters who werent there for something. its 4th-wall breaking, its fun, it nicely tells lost readers where to head to without re-dumping exposition, AND it helps keep track of who was where for what scenes … stuff like "when did stacey & ramona become friends??" or "i cant believe this is stacey & neils first meeting!" or "wallace was already introduced to ramona earlier" … its all fun and helps you stay on the ride. i think this is why i would read the comics back to back to back to back and retained very little. its easy to passively read these comics and its not a bad thing! though it is better to actively read them, and take these notes as fun jokes & reminders, and not life boats.

the 4th wall breaks are also great for the side characters having their own lives in the background. there are a lot more time indications in scott pilgrim than i remembered, if youre paying attention i think its really really easy to have a nice timeline in your head. but when stuff is broken to scott its not "i started dating mobile during X month" or "i came out X months ago" its "i started dating mobile during volume 3" and "i came out during volume 5" that way the reader can more easily relate it to the story that was happening at the time- and to keep in mind during a volume reread. its not a writing technique for EVERY comic, but its something that scott pilgrim gets to have BECAUSE its a comic- and unapologetically so! this is not a work that wants to be more novel than graphic to be taken seriously. its a comic, and its silly, and its also a work of art, and you have to respect it on its own terms.

theres also, uhm, ill be quick on this point cause its kind of weird how lesbians/sapphics are handled in the comics. its not BAD but theres clearly a bias towards male homosexuality being fleshed out and lesbianism not so much. but so the start of volume 4 is when kim & knives make out and it really starts this obsession in scott about this thing he cannot tell anyone about but is still thinking about, that prepares for roxies introduction- ramonas ex girlfriend. that i believe is also when wallace first asks if scotts broken out the "L-word" yet and it gives more context to scott assuming its lesbians? and him then going all "why does everyone keep asking me about lesbians!" but it is also kind of weird re: lesbian fetishism (which IS pointed out with scotts weird poster that no one likes but thats it). and all that with ZERO canon lesbians! roxie is pretty bi-coded i would say with her insistance on being "HALF-ninja", but ramona is described as an american ninja in the early volumes so its kind of loose. idk its weird and i like to think julie came out as a lesbian cause stephen & her being a comphet4comphet couple is really good to me

a thing id never noticed before is that julie was suspecting stephen of having views on knives during volume 4? and its why she was so shitty to knives for a while there, and then its "worked out" at the end of the volume. this feeds into the constant fear of cheating during the story, theres of course todd & scott who do cheat, but also more grey areas of relationships. im thinking of ramonas anxieties around lisa, and when scott finds out roxie stayed over at ramona's. about stephen too, his response to julie apologizing for being jealous of knives is very… uncomfortable

"i have nothing to fear!" "right yeah..." surely because hes starting to realize hes gay, and possibly because he's already vaguely started seeing joseph. we dont get more details on his relationships i am not going to accuse him of cheating LOL. i truly dont care. but its an anxiety that comes up again and again whenever relationships are starting to turn sour- "are they cheating?" and having been in my 20s for a little bit yeah i get it. scott not telling ramona about his job- not telling her much of ANYTHING during vol 4- and ramona not sharing much either are also part of this. theres a reason all of this happens in volume 4, and next volume ramona finds out scott cheated on knives with her. loss of intimacy and the breakdown of dialogue is all part of cheating anxieties, whether there is actual cheating or not. "what do i not know? what else are they keeping from me? they dont talk to me but they talk to them? are they cheating on me?"

theres a really neat thing the comics do to show the breakdown of scott and ramona's relationship in volume 5 and its the scene where ramona goes shopping and scott tags along. she spends it not saying anything (until she tells scott she doesnt even like his band) and scott obsessively talking about his comics (X-men!) while she doesnt look particularly interested.

this is the scene where scott breaks up with knives again!!! the roles are reversed, scott is now the one talking about whatever while his girlfriend's unresponsive, and obviously ramona doesn't break up with him here and there, and they dont kiss in a goodwill, but the ressemblance is there. and like with the knives breakup scene, we have a good date variant of this! its their very first date from the first volume where scott does mostly talk about himself but ramona is having fun joking with him. here we are shown their relationship slowly crumbling and it lays the ground for ramona leaving at the end of the volume.

similarly to how scott battles all of ramonas evil exs (himself included), ramona does face all of scott's own exs. its not as spectacular but we see her fight knives in volume 2, then she fights envy in volume 3. we also have her comment on kim that she does like her (same with lisa, who is not strictly an ex but emotionally is treated as such. especially with how scott sleeping over at lisa's is paralleled with roxie sleeping over at ramona's) these are not comments she makes about stephen or julie, for exemple, its specifically women who had a close relationship with him. and uhm ramona also comments on liking wallace who- again- is not STRICLY an ex, but hes also part of that volume 4 cheating anxieties conversation, wallaces incessant flirting, mobile himself jokes (?) about finding wallace in the arms of another man, etc. but most convincingly to ME because we are talking about EXs here is the flashback of wallace inviting himself at scotts house being identical to lisas scene of inviting herself at scotts, scott saying the story of how he ended up living with wallace is "somewhat gay", and the general college flashbacks.

i think this points to scott & wallace having briefly dated in the past, or (because hes paralleled with lisa) having a "what couldve been" relationship where they didnt make anything of it and now the time window's passed and emotionally? kind of feels like an ex. and if anything they ARE ex-roommates lol. this is not a scollace truthing thing, im a firm mobillace guy ok -_- im just saying its there. back to the point of ramona facing scott's exs as well, YES i am including herself in it. her going to the wilderness during vol6 parallels scott going to the countryside, the very place he faces negascott properly. and the way ramona talks when she comes back its easy to see that she did face herself on that trip. & the figurines agree with me that the idea of a negaramona does exist :)

thats more or less all i had in mind, i also feel like i was finally able to properly enjoy the themes of the comics of facing your own shittiness and doing better, of the harms of being stuck in your own head, of never ending up like gideon (who is so attached to his exs that he literally cryogenizes them!) the warning of rewriting your own memories (or at least biased recollections of it) uhm how breakups suck! and how cheating is not always black & white but also fucking sucks !! being out of school (wanting to go back to school?) and looking for jobs- and yes if scotts life had a face i would punch it too its literally unfair how easily everything goes for him on that front, even freeloading with wallace (<- jealous). envys obsession with a guy who is so obviously shitty but who shes been best friends with since they were 11 is also kind of… ooh i get it now…. its yeah. i think they really are comics for being in your 20s, a lot about dating? but its so generally about human relationships and dealing with your baggage, i think it is still relatable without the specific romantic relationship experience.? i love these comics. everyone read scott pilgrim if you havent in a while (or ever!!!!) and try to think a little about it as you read it really is so worthwhile. and if anything theyre insanely funny, and wallace is there!

[kamiversee]

oooOOH okay - the way i forgot abt the songs BUT i'm gonna have to straight up make a playlist for these men (as if i don't do the same thing when i'm writing anywaysss)

incoming YAP SESH

so when you mentioned it in the last chapters, i immediately went back listened to 'sober' [childish gambino] BUT i forgot abt 'die for you' [the weeknd] sooooo he's a mini gojo analysis for that song for all my fellow gojo girlies (RAAA):

'i just can't say i don't love you / cause i love you'

this one is obvi lmao the way bro is like "hey btw i LOVE you" every chance he gets

'you hate that you want me'

bro literally says this almost verbatim when he's like "you shouldn't care abt me" but also "it's not a crime [to miss me] love" (ch45)

'i would die for you / i would lie for you ... i would kill for you'

REALLY seein the references to this one in chapter 45 lmao when he's like "i've done worse, for you" and he's said SOOO many times that he'd do anything for you and is explicitly like "the person i am around you now is not the person who fell in love with you"

so here's where i might be wayyy off base again but - what if the list started bc of something gojo tried to do for you, to show how much he cared about you? so like order of events:

years ago, gojo does something bad (ex: hurting someone, manipulating people in your life he views as "bad") in the name of helping you -> sukuna either catches him or he needs sukunas help -> sukuna uses this info to blackmail satoru

the deal for the blackmail is that you either have to complete this list that's made to hurt gojo so badly by punishing the woman he loves AND turns her against him (which is why gojo is so set on the fact that the reader can't have feelings for him, bc he's the one who's supposed to be punished by this whole thing) OR sukuna will kill gojo

which i know is like BIG but ! think about how gojo is always saying he'd do anything for the reader: he was ready to die for her; he had no intention of doing the list. when he walks in on her in ch1 he's like genuinely surprised that an opportunity like that "presented" itself to him, so he really wasn't planning to blackmail you ever

and when you finish the list, gojo is genuinely surprised and relieved that you finish it (ch45) !!!! he's also said that there was no time limit on it but that there actually was one, that it needed to be done by the end of the year i think??? somethin like that i don't remember but that always felt weird to me, so that's probs what sukuna's deadline for gojo was

--

anywhooo i also think sukuna put choso on the list bc he felt bad for hurting him (bc i'm refusing rn to think that choso lied abt the abuse which is the basis of my other theory but it bums me out so i'm just ignoring it lmao) and sukuna saw how obsessed w you gojo was and he was maybe like "hmm ok so this girl must be somethin special" and that's why he was making you hook up w choso !

yap sesh OVER (apologies this got so long and the way i was pulling out citations lmao) i will send more theories when i'm actually awake but i just read your response to my ask and HAD to do a song analysis! love you kami xoxoxoxo

-🩷

Okay this is yap session 1/2 that I’ve received & it’s not as long as the other so I’ll reply normally!!

To start, ty for this theory & semi-breakdown!! I rlly do love reading these ><

1. I LOVE how you broke down the song reference because every lyric from that damn song applies to Mr. Gojo in this fic🙏 Die For You applies more than you guys realize but it’ll make even more sense when we finally receive his backstory <3

2. You & ☃️anon have similar theories with how this whole thing started & it’s fun to see you guys on the right track & nearly hitting the nail on the head ^.^

The first theory about Gojo & Sukuna’s situation is… it’s a wonderful theory, I’ll say that. I will not say if it’s right or wrong but, since TFL is over, I think it’s safe to say you’re definitely on the right track :)

3. The Sukuna & Choso theory at the end is OH MY FUCKING GOD. I’m going to just burn my fic plans atp because I’m pretty sure you guys somehow have access to it 😄 /hj

Anyway, don’t consider that response as me confirming what you just said but DAMN you cooked & the kitchen might be on fire! :3

TO CONCLUDE, ty for the yap sesh, I love u & these sosoosooo much !!

[cloudlessly-light]

I got a bad desire

A/N: Sooooo after a very interesting conversation with @sequinsmile-x earlier today, this happened and it took on a life of its own but I’m crediting this idea 100% to her! This is basically 3000 words of pure filth but since I’m already going to hell, I might as well drag the rest of you with me. Title: I got a bad desire   Summary: Emily gets to truly top Aaron for the first time, but what happens when she drives him a little too crazy? Rating: Explicit Word Count: 3k Warnings: Smut, bondage, dirty talk, top Emily, face sitting, oral, teasing, rough sex, top Aaron

When Emily and Aaron got together it wasn’t immediate feelings or declarations of love. It was explosive and loud, something physical, an itch that needed scratching that morphed into quiet talks in the dark. It was clawing at clothes and biting back guttural moans into each other’s skin. It wasn’t pretty, it was dirty and rough as they used each other to get over the traumas they’ve seen, of the day they had. It was a release they needed that slowly evolved into something real.

It wasn’t pretty but it became beautiful. It became more than anybody would have ever imagined, but as their bond became stronger it became a relationship that no one really thought twice about because Aaron and Emily… they just fit. In between the heated touches and forceful kisses they fell in love. And neither looked back since.

Emily had never been in a relationship like the one she had with Aaron. It had taken her time to get used to it, she was so used to being on her own, to not have to look after anybody but herself once she was off duty. But then she fell in love with Aaron, kind and caring Aaron that also came with a child and an ex-wife and suddenly, Emily wasn’t on her own anymore.

Aaron had let her take her time, had taught her things about being in love that she hadn’t thought excited outside of the fairytales she read as a child.

On the flip side, Emily taught Aaron about desires, about giving in to what his body wanted. They had started off explosive and loud, that didn’t change just because they fell in love. While Aaron might have known love, Emily knew sex and as Aaron got to discover new sides of him, sides he never thought he would let see the light of day, she was right there with him.

To no one’s surprise Aaron had a thing about control, loved and craved it in all aspects of his life. Emily respected that, but sometimes she wished that just once, he would give in to her and let go completely. It happened slowly, almost so slow that he didn’t notice it but then one night Emily puts the black rope he usually tied her down with on their bed and told her that she wanted to use them on him.

“What?” He asked, almost scoffing because he had never been restrained in any way while they had sex.

“I want to tie you to the bed,” She tells him, voice soft and breathy as she closes the distance between their bodies. Her arms sneak around his neck, her lips are grazing his when she speaks again. “and have my way with you.”

Aaron feels his body react to her proximity, never able to deny her anything and he sighs as his hands wrap around her hips to pull her flush against his body.

“Wouldn’t it be more fun if I tied you down?” He tries but she’s already shaking her head, lips painted in red lipstick spreading into a dirty smile.

“No baby, I think it’s about time you let me be in charge for a bit.” She licks his bottom lip and his breath hitches. But she’s not going to force him into anything, of course she’s not, so when his hands loosen on her hips she pulls back to look at him properly. “You don’t have to.”

“But you want to?” He finished for her and as much as he wants to, he can’t deny that his cock is already stirring at the thought of it.

“I want to make you feel as good as you make me feel.” She says and any sign of teasing is gone as she watches his face. She knows him better than she knows herself at this point, can see the wheels turning in his head and after what feels like hours, he pulls her against him again, a smirk on his face.

“Okay.”

“Yeah?” She breathes as she grips the short hair at the nape of his neck and pulls him down towards her.

“Yeah.” He leans down the rest of the way to press his lips against hers, a wordless promise in the gentle action before he pulls back. When he meets her eyes this time there’s something dark, something hidden, in her brown orbs and he feels a surge of desire.

Emily tugs him back into another kiss with a firm grip on his hair, her tongue forcing his lips apart to lick inside his mouth. She feels his hands move over her body, his warm hands quickly pulling at her shirt as she pushes him towards the bed. She has his shirt unbuttoned and off his broad shoulders when the back of his knees hit the bed and she uses it to his advantage and pushes him back on it with a grin.

“I’m going to make you feel so good.” She whispers against his ear before biting the lobe and she feels him shudder underneath her. The rush of it all makes her flush, the power of it making the dull ache between her thighs that much harder to ignore.

Aaron can only watch as she kisses down his chest and stomach, he’s already panting want and something else making his head spin. He clenched the comforter in his hands as she licks over his still clothed cock, her tongue soaking his pants as she licks over the tented fabric. It had only been minutes, but he was already going crazy. Still he knew that Emily teasing him like this and being teased while tied down would be different. And somehow he couldn’t wait.

When she finally dragged the zipper down his head fell back with a groan. He tried to keep his eyes on her as she pulled his pants and boxers down, his breathing coming out shaky as she slowly jerked him in her hand.

“You like this.” She said, lips in a smug smile and one eyebrow arched high as he hissed as her nail dragged over his heated skin.

“Fuck Em.” His hips jerked against her touch and in an instant her hand was gone and she was sitting back on her heels in between his legs.

“Lie back.” She tells him before he has a chance to say anything. He looks at her for a moment, weighing his options but in the end he shuffles back onto the bed and at the same time Emily stands up. She undresses until all she’s wearing is the matching underwear set that she knew that Aaron loved on her and she straddled his waist.

He could feel her wetness even through the panties she was wearing, his stomach slick as she pressed her weight a little firmer into him. Aaron could feel her eyes on him, watching carefully as she tied one of his wrists to the bedpost of their bed. When he nodded she moved on to the other wrist and when she was done his arms were tied to each bedpost with a secure knot that he had taught her.

Emily sat back, her center grinding onto his cock as he tested out the knots and when they didn’t budge she smiled.

“Emily…” He breathed as she rolled her hips against his, the silk of her panties rubbing against the length of his shaft and he tries to jerk up against her.

“What do you want baby?” She coos and fuck him if it didn’t turn him on in ways he never would have imagined.

“Let me taste you.” He mumbles through clenched teeth and when Emily’s smirk only turns into a grin he knows that that’s exactly what she wanted. He watches through heavy lidded eyelids as she pulls her panties off and to his frustration leaves the bra on before she moves up on the bed.

Emily carefully staddles his face, keeps herself up enough to so he can’t reach her and she sighs happily as she watches his cock leak onto his stomach, already so swollen it’s turned an angry red. She waits another few seconds before lowering herself on his face and at the first swipe of his tongue she jerks in surprise. He’s relentless, his tongue moving through her folds like a man starving and she gasps at the feeling.

Aaron pushes his tongue as deep inside of her as he could, smirked against her wet skin when she grinded into it. She might be in complete control of his body, but he knew hers better than anything and making Emily lose control was something he took pride in. He grunted when she fell forward, her hand coming to support her weight on his hip as she continued to roll her hips against his tongue.

Emily knew that his face would be a mess of her, that his lips and cheeks would be coated by her and she couldn’t bring herself to care, not when his lips wrapped around her clit and he was groaning into her, the sound muffled and low as it vibrated against her.

“Fuck that’s so good.” She gasped as her thighs tightened around his head. She heard the headboard rattle as he fought the restraints in his search to pull her down against his face even harder. The low growl that followed made her shiver, the sound travelling down her spine and settled at her already aching clit.

All he wanted was to wrap his arms around her thighs, to keep her still as he made her come but as the rope dug into his skin he could only lay back and let her move her hips against him as he licked through her again and again. When her thighs started to tremble and her body got heavier he knew she was close and another wave of arousal rushed through him. He sucked her clit, licked over the bud faster and harder and when her thighs closed tighter around his head he knew it was only a matter of moments.

Emily came with a loud cry, her body spasming on top of his as her vision blurred. She fell forward, her forehead leaning against his hipbone as she continued to ride out her orgasmic high, his unrelenting tongue only prolonging her bliss. When she finally felt like she could breathe again, she rolled off him and slowly turned to face him.

His face was shining with her, his chest heaving as she moved closer to him and when her tongue lapped lazily over his cheek his teeth clenched and he felt more precum leak onto his stomach.

“Delicious.” She grinned before kissing him, tasting herself and something that was so distinctively Aaron on his tongue. She moved her hand down to his shaft without breaking apart from him and muffled his sound of pleased surprise with her lips as she jerked him slowly. He was harder than she’d ever felt him, his shaft hot and pulsing, skin angry red and she knew that he was enjoying this just as much as she was.

She jerked him, twisted her wrist and his hips stuttered up against her moving hand. She knew that she could make him come like this, lazily pumping his shaft as her lips trailed along his sweaty skin. As his muscles tensed and her name fell from his lips like a prayer she licked over one of his nipples.

“Jesus Christ.” He gasped as his orgasm built and then as quickly as she had started, she stopped and sat up, that same smug grin still on her face.

“Not yet.” She told him as she licked precum from her fingers, a low moan escaping as she did.

“Ride me.” He panted once she pulled away, the words needy and he tugged on the bindings again in a vain attempt to get free.

“Okay baby.” She whispers before throwing one leg over his hips. She glances at his wrists and waits another beat to see if he wants to stop but all he does is push his hips up against hers, his dark eyes heavy with desire. She lines him up with her center, slides down slower than she ever had as her eyes stay on his.

“Oh fuck, yes.” His jaw clenches as he finally gets some relief, his cock so hard it hurt and when he finally felt her around him his entire body shook with pleasure. She was hot and tight around him, her hips moving slowly and his head falls back into the bed as he lets Emily create friction for the both of them.

Emily rolls and twists her hips as she enjoys the feeling of him stretching her. She clenches around him and he thrusts up against her in response, so she does it again, and again until Aaron is tugging harder on his restraints and she forces him down by placing her hands on his chest.

“Fuck you look so good like this baby.” She whispers through pants and Aaron’s eyes narrow. “I’m so close, I’m going to come again.”

“Me too.” He grunts as he pushes up against her. He knows that he’ll have marks around his wrists from the way he’s straining and pulling on the bindings, the headboard creaking dangerously as Emily moves faster on top of him.

She’s straining the closer she gets, her muscles burning as the heat spreads through her body. She leans over him, whispers her pleasure into his neck as Aaron plants his feet against the mattress to fuck into her. It’s a small window of control and he relishes it. He can feel her clenching, can feel his own release nearing as Emily starts to tense above him.

“Fuck, don’t stop, don’t stop, do not fucking stop.” She rambles, the words cut off by moans and whimpers until she comes with a whine. She jerks against him and Aaron forces himself to hold off as she crashes into her orgasm hard enough for her nails to rip through the sheets on the bed.

Emily gives herself a few moments to relax into the warmth of his body until she sits up again. She knows that he’s impossibly close, can see the strain on his face and feel the way his hips twitch against hers and she hums.

“That was so good.” She says before climbing off his lap. “I think I’ll go prepare dinner, you can wait for me right?” She turns towards the door, a smirk on her lips when she hears the breaking of wood.

Aaron felt something snap and in his aroused rage he pulled hard enough for the headboard to break, the sound loud in the room as wood falls to the floor. But he doesn’t give it another thought, his only thought on Emily and the orgasm she was about to rip away from him once again. She stands stunned as she watches him, his eyes darker than she’s ever seen them, a dangerous smirk on his face that makes her shudder.

When he gets up all she can think about is how he’s eyeing her like a predator, slowly, calculating, the rope still around his wrists as he gets closer to her.

“Get the fuck over here.” He all but growls and Emily sucks in a breath. “Now.”

She’s not moving, carefully waits for his next move but somehow she still doesn’t expect it when he grabs her around the waist and throws her on the bed. He’s back inside of her with a hard thrust, his cock feeling like it’s digging a place inside of her as he sets a pace harder than she’d ever experienced.

“Game’s over.” He grunts into her ear. “You had your fun, now I’m having mine.”

She’s nodding, her legs wrapping around him as his teeth dig into her neck. She knows that he’s using her to get off, that his own release is the only thing he can think about and being used this way turns her on in ways she hadn’t expected.

“Think you can get what you want and leave?” He mutters through blurred pleasure, he’s not really aware of what he’s saying anymore. All he can focus on is the feel of Emily, clenching around him again as his own orgasm builds. “You love this don’t you?” He looks down at her and catches the way she nods. “Love being used like this.”

“Yes, yes, Aaron I love it.” She agrees breathlessly and she feels his lips curl into a smirk against her neck.

“Show me.” He orders and like her body was trained, she comes again, clinging to him and a broken sob falling from her lips as he continues to fuck into her hard and deep, the bed creaking with every push of his hips.

He doesn’t stop until he’s coming as well, his release hard enough to knock the air out of him as he trembles against Emily’s spent and sweaty body. He thinks he’s mumbling her name, can barely make out anything through the ringing in his ears and hazy eyes. It’s another few moments before he feels like he’s coming back to himself and he rolls off Emily, concern soon stamped onto his face.

“Are you okay?” He asks and carefully strokes over the bitemark sure enough to bruise on her neck.

“Huh?” She looks at him, dazed and a lazy smile on her lips before she turns into his body, seeking his warmth.

“Did I hurt you? Was it too much?” He kisses the top of her head and then guides her face so he can look at her properly. When she lets out a laugh he relaxes some.

“That was fucking fantastic.” She kisses him and with last eases the last of his anxiety. When they break apart she looks up at their bedframe, broken and for all purposes useless now.  “You’re buying a new bedframe though.” She laughs and he can’t help but to join her as he looks at the mess he created.

“That will teach you not to tease me like that.”

[pesterloglog]

Sollux Captor, John Egbert

Page 447-454

SOLLUX: eating a sandwich.

JOHN: what? no, i mean, what are you doing HERE in the meteor?

SOLLUX: i live here.

SOLLUX: its like im fated t0 wind up back at this idi0tic r0ck every c0uple 0f sweeps.

JOHN: i’m... sorry?

JOHN: ...

SOLLUX: real mess y0uve made 0f things 0ut there.

JOHN: yeah, well... we’re trying to fix that now! which is why I need to find my friends!

SOLLUX: kind 0f fucked up y0u guys let this happen t0 begin with.

JOHN: soooo anyway, on the topic of you living here...

JOHN: does roxy know about this???

SOLLUX: why w0uldnt she?

JOHN: huh.

JOHN: umm... how do you know her?

SOLLUX: wh0 d0 y0u think h00ked me up with these sick ass shades and gave me all these ape games.

JOHN: okay, that kind of makes sense, i guess.

JOHN: ...

JOHN: are you guys... close?

SOLLUX: wh0. me and r0xy? i guess. we squad up a c0uple times a week.

SOLLUX: why d0 y0u care?

SOLLUX: y0u w0rried im m0ving in 0n y0ur ex?

JOHN: ...hmm.

SOLLUX: ...

JOHN: hm. hmm. hm.

JOHN: hm? HMMMM.

SOLLUX: what is g0ing 0n here.

JOHN: sorry, i had an answer but then i started actually considering it.

JOHN: am i jealous?

JOHN: hmmm...

SOLLUX: if i tell y0u straight up n0 we arent h00king up will y0u st0p?

JOHN: ...maybe?

SOLLUX: g0ddammit.

SOLLUX: listen.

SOLLUX: c0ming fr0m s0me0ne wh0 has shared breathing space with y0u 0nly 0n 0ccasi0n.

SOLLUX: its 0bvi0us t0 me y0u're n0t supp0sed t0 be the thinking guy.

JOHN: we’ve met before?

SOLLUX: ...

JOHN: ??????

SOLLUX: sigh.

SOLLUX: pirate ship. d0uble eye-patches. girlfriend ascensi0n.

JOHN: :0!

JOHN: double eye patches!

JOHN: i remember you now, you were at mystery jade’s funeral too!

SOLLUX: sure.

JOHN: sorry for not recognizing you.

JOHN: the eye patches are pretty distracting!

JOHN: like every time i see them i have to stop and think...

JOHN: wow... that looks really really stupid!

SOLLUX: yeah.

JOHN: are you still hanging out with that creepy alive girl?

SOLLUX:

SOLLUX: 0n a spiritual level.

JOHN: cool!

JOHN: is ... she also dating roxy?

SOLLUX: what?

SOLLUX: idk.

SOLLUX: i d0nt make it my business t0 keep tabs 0n that.

SOLLUX: im busy.

JOHN: you’re gaming!

SOLLUX: im fucking gaming.

SOLLUX: speaking 0f which...

JOHN: so what were you guys up to before this?

SOLLUX: (what the fuck)

SOLLUX: is there a prer0gative here.

SOLLUX: are y0u spades baiting me right n0w?

JOHN: honestly i don’t know what that means.

JOHN: i suppose...

JOHN: how do i say this...

JOHN: contextually!

JOHN: i always find myself going to a lot of places and meeting all these people but.

JOHN: most of it never matters to me until i’m not doing anything at all.

JOHN: last time that happened it was for ten years!

JOHN: and it only changed because i started talking to people again.

SOLLUX: (i did this t0 myself why did i ask)

JOHN: i guess in gamer terms it's the same as screwing yourself over by not checking every non playable character dialogue box.

JOHN: any one of them could have the clues you need.

SOLLUX:

JOHN: sooooo...

SOLLUX:

JOHN: come on!

SOLLUX: c0me 0n! :B

SOLLUX: die.

JOHN: aw, don’t be like that dude.

JOHN: i promise no more questions after this.

JOHN: do you not want to because it just ...isn't important?

SOLLUX: excuse me.

SOLLUX: my vestigial digits get m0re imp0rtant shit d0ne 0n wednesday nights than y0ur ill dressed b0dy has d0ne y0ur entire life cycle.

SOLLUX: but im n0t g0ing t0 g0 int0 all that because 1. i d0nt kn0w y0u and 2. i d0 n0t respect y0u.

SOLLUX: itll 0nly make y0u feel bad anyways.

JOHN: why would it make me feel bad?

SOLLUX: i can smell it 0n y0u man.

SOLLUX: y0u stink.

JOHN: i stink?

SOLLUX: yeah.

SOLLUX: y0u smell like a guy.

SOLLUX: wh0se never had any bitches.

JOHN: what!

JOHN: i have a son! i have a house full of pictures with him!

JOHN: that is physical proof i have had “bitches” thank you!

SOLLUX: as s0me0ne wh0 has been friends with every w0man y0u are attempting t0 categ0rize int0 this

SOLLUX: i can assure y0u, they were n0t y0ur bitches.

SOLLUX: y0u were theirs.

JOHN: i

JOHN: i was the bitches?

SOLLUX: this was the missing puzzle piece r0xys ex.

SOLLUX: y0ur arc is 0ver.

SOLLUX: y0u can g0 h0me n0w.

JOHN: my home burned down.

SOLLUX: sad.

SOLLUX: y0u kn0w what is tragic th0ugh?

SOLLUX: i have n0t been able t0 play this game the wh0le time because s0me0ne was talking 0ver the s0und.

JOHN: oh!

JOHN: sorry : (

SOLLUX: w0rds d0nt mean much.

SOLLUX: 0nly acti0ns.

JOHN: well, i suppose i left the vriskas waiting long enough...

JOHN: see you eye patches...

SOLLUX: n0t wearing them.

JOHN: or not who knows!

SOLLUX: WAIT.

JOHN: !

SOLLUX: change my game f0r me.

[seokjinsonlyone]

Ok LMFAO DONT ASK ME HOW I THOUGHT OF THIS BUT I NEED YOUR OPINION

who is mtl to get grumpy or jealous over the thought of you being lovely dovey for someone else or a previous partner. Like who just thinks about you doing the things they love that you do for them for someone else and then they get all upset about it LMFAOO

My guess

Jungkook (HE GOTTA BE THE FIRST ON THE LIST)

Taehyung (Mr. I’ll start little fights with my s/o)

Jimin (Mr. Jealousy.. that leads to cuddling or 🤭)

Yoongi (Special moments are very important to him and if he thinks too much about you having those moments with anyone else he gets pouty ☺️)

Namjoon (He understands and respects the fact y’all were with people before each other BUT if this mans get too deep into thought about you giving whats now rightfully his to someone else.. he’s not gonna be in the best mood)

Seokjin (You’re his now why would he care? 🙄 he’ll care only a little bit cause he’s a die hard romantic and if he thinks about you doing the things he loves for someone else he’s chest get tingling in a bad way 🥺 he’ll play it off though as best as he can)

Hoseok (Your his and his only now so thinking about who had you before doesn’t really bother him, definitely will laugh over the fact they lost out on someone amazing but he gained. Thinking of anyone having you after is also laughable cause it ain’t happening 😌 don’t get it twisted though, baby boy does get jealous and if it does ever bother him he’s finna be all up on you 🤭 take that however you please)

Ok your turn 🤭✨

jungkook is definitely first!!! you right about that one like i’m sorry i’m referencing the perilla leaf debate for the 14829384th time but i will continue to do so bc he was sooooo serious like did not crack one smile the entire time they was talking about it💀 he don’t wanna hear nun bout no ex nd what u did with them point blank pyramid he don’t even wanna see u getting too chummy wit yo friends tbh like if u and yo homegirl was sharing an appetizer or you let her taste yo drink or sumn he would catch a major attitude

taehyung is second only bc i feel like he’s the most dramatic like with everyone else i feel like this could be a Thing but with tae it’s gon be an Incident there’s gonna be an argument for sure a whole “do you even care about me at all? why are we even together??” segment it’s gonna be something out of a YA novel liable to last anywhere from 4 hours to 4 days but at the same time i feel like he’d make it more of a competition than anything else like he may not be the first but he gon be the best and hopefully the last

with joon i’m thinking about how in his rolling stone interview with what’s his face pharrell! when he was talking about how sometimes he hear a song so good he get jealous that he ain’t make it so yeah when it come to you i feel like if he tried to show you one of his favorite spots like a restaurant or sumn nd you absentmindedly was like “oh i’ve been there i went with so and so” he’d lowkey be pissed 😅 like he gon play it cool but it’s the thought of u being at one of his favorite places without him with someone else you were involved with lowkey it’s gon eat him up a little

i think that jimin is like really good with interpersonal relationships like every conversation about exes and likes and dislikes and boundaries all that good stuff will have been had so when he get upset it’s gon be because he done let his imagination get away from like one night he gon be up bc he can’t sleep and the intrusive thoughts will win or y’all will meet up with your friends and you gon have a homie that you done known since way back in the cadillac and he’ll get jealous of how close your bond is and then he’ll get distant and a little snappy and you’ll have to call him out a bit and give him some reassurance to bring him back to normal

hobi the type to say that he don’t care until he do 💀 like he’ll be perfectly fine until he sees or thinks about you doing something with someone else and it’s just gon sit in the corner of his mind like an itch that he can’t quite reach to scratch he not gon make a big deal out of it like he’ll try to deal with it himself for the most part but if he can’t he’ll bring it up lightly nd then you’ll talk about it and then that’s just gon be that on that

yoongi wouldn’t care fr fr like he know how relationships work and understands that you had a few just like he had a few 🤷‍♀️ but what would absolutely tick him off is if you did something with him that you claimed you only ever did with him and then he find out that you did it with everyone else nd they mama like is he a joke to you? is he just another dude to you? and what you got to lie for? that wouldn’t sit right with him but so long as you’re forthcoming it’s whatever nd knows his worth he know you’d be hard pressed to do better than him

seokjin is our unbothered king he’s always said he’s a man of the present so he is not worried about the past at all and the future only warrants minor consideration like as long as y’all cool he not spending no time pondering about other people bc he simply does not care 😌 nor does he care to care he worried about u nd him nd das it 🙅🏾‍♀️

[acefaun]

6 weeks???

Where are you?

💔

LEMME TELL YOU. I've been scatterbrained for weeks. 😵‍💫 I don't think it helps that I only get Mondays off from both of my jobs, yet I have to do chooooores on Mondays. 😩 Ew real life stuff!

But life needs to slow down. Too much is happening at once.

-my bestest brother came home from the air force and I'm soooooo happy! But he and his wifey are divorcing(mutually and platonically staying friends), but it's stirring up drama with our dad because he doesn't like their relationship at all.

-I've been dog-sitting my brother's foxy doggo. 💖 Literally a fox. 👀 She's a precious little furball! lookie:

-I went visit my doggo Gemini who's been happy with another family member! She's an excited little crack head and it made me happy to see her again. 🥰

-then my bro got a cat and caused even more drama since our family hates cats... But he's cute little black cat with green eyes and his name is Loki. 😚 I wuv him.

Sooooo nothing too bad happening aside from my dad being seemingly concerningly suicidal and giving me anxiety 24/7 because I'm scared he's going to overdose again while no one's looking; and my (ex?)girlfriend kind of having a fiance and not talking to me or apologizing since she gave me fleas... 😵‍💫

BUT ITS FINE. My new medicines make it hard to feel sad over situations that aren't really mine to control. ✨

Amidst all this and my scatterbrained situation, I was struggling to figure out how I wanted to approach my fanfics or whatever I wanted to do.

AND I FIGURED IT OUT! ✨

I'm going to RESTART!

I don't mean I'm deleting anything, but I'm going to go back to the beggining. I'll go rewrite and update my old fics and make them in the same format as my new fics!

Then, I'm posting all of my fics on A03 so I can better organize myself and make it easier for everyone to find my fics in one nice place.

I also want to work on my links... Because I found that some of them don't go to my fics anymore and I was getting pretty frustrated with it. 🤔 So I'm going to fix all that!

And hopefully I'm happy with everything once I'm finished. 😙 But that's what's up. I'm not out on purpose. I'm just trying to figure out a plan.

[ruminate88]

06/22/24

I actually am closer right now to my mom-in law than my husband but I don’t tell her everything. She is starting to understand somewhat not all of it but some and of course my father in law is sweet AND he will always wish me happy v-day, or happy b-day when my husband doesn’t. My husband shows love through “gifts”. He’ll buy me a $200 gift for my b-day and watch me open it but won’t write me a card or say he loves me…. I’ve tried to understand his love language and wish he could understand mine too 🫣🥴

I’ve tried to express it once before that I’m NOT ungrateful for gifts just... I know how hard my man works and how much his job sucks. He’s stuck in a factory daily in the heat, with this heavy metal helmet on his head to shield him from the sparks. He has burnt welts on his arms from the heat. (He’s a welder) so…. My empathy says to feel sorry for him and I’ve mentioned to him so many times about getting an easier job but he won’t change. He doesn’t think he can start over somewhere else and ok. I don’t push, just want him to be happy…. So, he works hard to earn a paycheck. I don’t want it 😭😭😭😭 like I mean everyone wants gifts on their birthday and Christmas, that’s normal but not for me. I feel so bad. I feel bad cuz like I’m scared. I feel like no guy before has ever cared about me and why now??? It’s not that I don’t believe my husband but also he won’t say “I love you”????? I wanna hear it sooooo badly. I can taste it. I wanna hear my husband say he wants me and thinks I’m good enough: I know actions speak louder than words. Just I’m a word person. Words is what I know. Even if he did say it, would I feel it??? 😣😣😣 (also, don’t say it unless you mean it. I also stopped saying I love you to him cuz he doesn’t say it back and neither did Andrew) 😝

him coming home every day after work and being here speaks volumes but then he hops onto his video games after dinner and so I just sit by myself and feel bad. I don’t ever feel comfortable to express how I feel. I tried at the start of our marriage to say “you can’t just play video games 24/7, what about me???” But then my husband got defensive and said at one point he didn’t feel good enough for me 😭😭😭😭 I tried to tell him that Andrew said that so many times so I am scared hearing that again. It makes me wanna run away!

my husband won’t hear me out. Last time I tried to say how I felt, he accused me of talking to other guys and wow that hurt me so much and made me go deeper into my hole.(my husband said I pulled away from him) I have written many many HEARTBREAK songs about my past and that upset my husband cuz he thinks I love my exes and not him but ok… I’m JUST NOW learning about emotional abuse and making sense of my past but still don’t have alll the answers. There’s still confusion to some degree AND I wasn’t fully over Andrew when I dated my husband cuz Andrew came back to mess with my head some more and I was torn. I loved Andrew so much but he kept hurting me and I wanted Andrew to come back but I knew that was bad for me…. my husband had to threaten Andrew to leave me alone and so if I bring up Andrew now, will that upset my husband? He told me Andrew would only keep messing with me unless I blocked his number. I blocked Andrew’s number out of respect for my new man cuz we just started dating and I was trying to trust that my new man had my best interest but I wasn’t sure.

sucks to know you loved someone you can’t have cuz they can only harm you. It’s like loving drugs when drugs only destroys you. Same exact problem! Knowing this helps but doesn’t fix my issues. I know I need to pray more and push more but also I’ve sorta stepped back and just sunk into the couch with my headphones and just play music and close my eyes. Just feel my sadness and anger. I don’t think it’s bad, just it’s finally dealing with it but I’ve also beat myself up cuz most people would tell me to “put on my big girl pants” and “move on.” They would say Andrew is a dickhead and I shouldn’t care about him but you can’t just erase feelings… what’s wrong with people??

so where do you feel safe to talk to people anyway?? You don’t wanna be judged. I was judged in every past relationship I had. They would brag on my body, tell me how bad they want to “bang me” and are obsessed with me but then put me down afterwards and slut shame me. Andrew was like “why would you even get with me like that when you know we’re just friends now?? You don’t respect our friendship….” Uggggh dude, you SAID YOU WANTED ME 😓💔 don’t say you want me, use me and then tell me what a horrible person I am. Why did I deserve that at all??? I’ve done nothing but care about my exes and want the best for them. That will NEVER change cuz my heart is pure and legit. You can’t take away my love. ❤️‍🩹❤️‍🩹❤️‍🩹❤️‍🩹

but right now I’m too scared to push past this barrier in front of me. People won’t shut up about me having kids. They think I don’t want kids and nooo you don’t understand. All I’ve ever wanted was to be a wife and mother. I already helped to raise my bro’s kids. I’m tired. Just mentally done. I only want to help myself this time. I put everyone else’s needs before my own since I was 15. What about me now??? When do I get help?? I’m trying so very very hard to get better. I feel like I’m in slow motion though ❤️‍🩹❤️‍🩹❤️‍🩹❤️‍🩹