#I NEED MONEY I NEED MONEY SO BAD OH NOOOOOOO

[whalesforhands]

THERES AN OFFICIAL IDOL CHILDE??? HOYOFAUR U SRE NOT FAIRRRRRRR NOOOOOO

[daydreaming-scheming-demon]

minecraft doesnt need to be a fucking multimedia franchise, it doesn't even need anymore games than one, there's no fucking point to it, nobody gives a shit about minecraft dungeons, since when was the last time you saw someone go "oh wow, i cant wait for the next minecraft dungeons update" and there's even more minecraft spinoffs that nobody gives a shit about, i cant even remember the name of the latest one because it died so quickly

and now they're making a minecraft movie, and it's live action, which makes no sense but i guess making it animated wouldnt have a mainstream appeal and they need dat money from da masses. and they're having fucking jack black in it. and it's just. please. stop. you couldve made a movie about something original and interesting but instead you need to make a fucking minecraft movie.

i feel similarly about the mario movie and the fnaf movie but like, at least with those games it makes sense. mario games have plot even if simple, and fnaf has a plot even if it's a bad and confusing one. minecraft is a fucking sandbox game with no characters or plot going on unless you're matpat or something. it has fucking nothing. they're making a movie out of fucking nothing. they might as well be making a fucking live action tetris movie.

you know, it could be good. maybe id even like it. but even if it is, it's just so fucking unnecessary, they could've been making something original but nooooooo original is risky, we need a fucking minecraft movie to bring in those shiny fucking dollars to stuff down our fucking throats and choke on and die.

minecraft isn't designed to be anything other than a single fucking game, but because it's big and owned by microsoft it needs to be fucking everything. there needs to be a minecraft movie, and a minecraft show, and a minecraft branded pencil to stab my minecraft branded eyes out of my minecraft branded eyeholes so i dont have to see anymore fucking minecraft.

and to add to this, even if the minecraft movie is good, it's just such a fucking shame that it had to be minecraft and nothing else had any chance to be made. there's been lots of great movies that the big guys up top only allowed to be made because they're based on popular things. the lego movie for example, the barbie movie too. but it's just so fucking irritating that if any creative wants to actually make a good fucking movie they need to do it through this already popular thing. that's how shit like velma gets made. that show feels like an original show with scooby doo slapped on top of it to grab more attention.

everything needs to be appealing to the masses or it's not even seen as worthy of being made. the only movies worthy of being made and the only shows worthy of being renewed are the ones that ceos think will give them enough money to violently shove down their throat and fill their stomach with, fill their lungs with, fill every crevice of their shriveled old body with until every shit they take is hard and full of bloodsoaked gold coins, and every piss they take is shining gold, and every time they pick their nose they pick out gold.

there's just so little space for original works now.

[halevren]

Never Stop Blowing Up Spoilers || my live thoughts as I watch episode 3

I have plushie of one of my beloveds with me today. Very special! I also didn't realize it was 7pm already but I had perfect timing because I just made popcorn

HELLO ONE AND ALL

"You stopped the cameras right?" Nooooooo

I'm getting gender envy from Alex's hair style and it's. Awful because I'm currently trying to grow my hair out

I wonder if they need all the objects that they were given to get out of Never Stop Blowing Up. Maybe that's why the lights turn on and off. making that theory into its own post

I love this cast so much

crushing style

BLOW UP

So much blowing up already!!!!!!

PAULA

KINGSKIN IS STILL HOLDING HIM

OH GOD

I need Greg Stocks in ways that is concerning to feminism

"Going down?" I love you Jake

MORE BLOWING UP

uncle meat....

OH MY GOD THE SLUT DAD SHIRT IS IN THEANIMATION AND ITS A CROP TOP

BLOWS UP

LA FAMILIA

CAN I TOUCH HIS NECK

I love Rekha

2 INCHES OF BLOOD

So thin and weak

I love the dome effects, it really adds to the vibes

Kosher belly roll

PROTECTOR WENDELL

one

5E X NSBU

i don't care how small the room is i cast fireball

YOU HAVE TO HONOR THE COCK

can I just shoot the people unconscious

DOUG MEAT DOUG MEAT DOUG MEAT

"What's the status of the elevator right now" "bloody"

slither out

we're here for you rekha

"Not everyone."

DOUBLE BLOW UP FOR USHA

G13 🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥

DID IT

shshshhshshshhhhshhshshhh

I like Ally's method of collecting fail tokens on non important rolls

I LOVE YOU DOUG

SO HOT

"You're my warlord" DOUGGGGG

DOUG WILL NOT DIE I WILL CRY IF HE DIES

this is called yelling........

Russell is so stressed

FIRST D20 LET'S GOOOOO

Nat one.

NUKE CODES...

DON'T GET BACK TOGETHER WITH YOUR EX WIFE

SHOPPINGGGGG

"All that is menopause blood?"

WENDELL.

LONG KIDS SIZE

I feel so bad for this shop keep

how is this shopping the funniest thing ever

YOUNG GIRL OF 50

"Are you going to fuck this couple?" "I'd love to."

AUSTIN POWERS.

CUCK. CUCKHOLDING

I'm having a sexual awakening right now chat. I don't know what kind but it's happening

dang dang dang dang

WAAAAAAAAAA NOOOO HE'S STILL A VIRGINNN

CAN I SAY SOMETHING CAN I SAY SOMETHING CAN I SAY SOMETHING

30 BACKFLIPS

BACK FLIPPING AT 15 MPH?????????

oh Paula.....

BLOW UP

oh nevermind

that's such a good boy ♡

BLOW UP

absolutely beefed it. screwed the pouch

SMELLING SALTS

hey so. what's this. what is this.

latex throat pocket

throat purse.

jake is slowly bringing up his kill count

BACK FLIPPERS

"What weapon are you looking for?" "a grenade....." "It's not a gun"

SIXTY TWO OR LOWER

BUTTERFINGER IT

SHES CRYING

so much giggling

"FOR WHAT?"

that is terrifying

NO ONE SEES USHA'S BACKFLIP

WITH BIRTHDAY MONEY

YOU CAN RECON THAT

THEY TRICKED HIM

USHA

"OH MY GOD I AM JACK MANHATTAN"

CLETE GUNSHOOT

BIG TAKE OF GATORADE

I would love to see the character sheets at the end of this episode. So much exploding has happened

DOUGGGG!!!!!!!!

"I thought I was just like this."

"you HAVE to go to Stanford Liv"

supra

HOT RODS

SHAUN NITRO

THE END? I WANT MORE ALREADY PLEASE

[kyuala]

7 minutes in heaven with treasure

these are all assuming ur comfortable w it of course! a tiny bit suggestive in yedam's part but that's it. enjoy!

hyunsuk

no 'cause he was sure your name wasn't gonna come out and when it does he just stands there like 😬 bc he knows what's coming

takes the loooooongest time to walk into the damn closet 'cause he just can't believe this is happening and he's sure ur gonna back out any second now

so so so nervous once inside omg homeboy definitely fits the "scratching the back of his neck" cliche it's so cute

tries to change the subject constantly to create a distraction like oh this random old box sitting on a shelf is suddenly so interesting i wonder whats in there what do u think its in there and its like hyunsuk do u even know the purpose of this game

wont make a move and will not BELIEVE u when u do either. hes just staring at you mouth hanging open eyes the size of saucers when u start getting close to him but his hands instinctively go to ur waist hehe

keeps giggling into the kiss and going "sorry im so nervous" nooooooo

won't stop cheesing when he walks out even through all the teasing but just one look at the boys will get them acting straight <3

jihoon

his friends are teasing him but he's teasing YOU

literally has that dumbass smirk on his face the ENTIRE time from the moment your name is called out up until you are both inside that closet

no roundabouts he wants to jump straight into it LMAO

like he's Calm but he's still teasing you in a way that u know what he wants but also he lets u know yall dont have to do anything ur not comfortable with u know

which is code for I Am Here If You Want Me Too. like he's so insufferable he will not put his money where his mouth is and just make a fucking move, no he wants you to come to him 🙄

if u give him the satisfaction he'll be the smuggest mf on this planet. but also he'll match his pace to yours like u want some soft kissing and his fingers lightly caressing your hips? he's got that. you want his mouth to devour yours while his hand is all tangled up in your hair? he's definitely got that too

im feeling faint this is sickening

i will say this a lot throughout this post but he's the king of walking out w your hand in his feeling like a million bucks biggest smirk you have ever seen on his fucking face like he invented that

yoshi

soooo so so shy like he wont look u in the eyes from the moment it's decided you'll both go into the closet u will not catch sight of his eyeballs

probably stands outside until you have to INVITE him in. he's like a vampire

VERY awkward only speaks when you ask him a question or make a passing comment abt something. then he starts relaxing a little and even joking around a bit to calm down

if you make a move on him i mean he will not complain but if it's up to him he'll only kiss you when there's like 40 seconds left for you guys to go back into the living room 😭 then when jihoon bangs on the door he's like "wait already??" all clueless n shit 🤕

wont immediately sit down by your side when y'all walk out bc he doesnt want to seem clingy or scare you but u can surely feel him gravitating towards u for the rest of the night

literally most likely to text u after the night's over to let u know he enjoyed it a lot then locks his phone and throws it on his bed kicking his feet giggling etc etc

junkyu

when both of y'all names get called out he's just frozen in place with that one surprised smile on his face like 😃

tries to convince both of your friends that maybe he doesn't need to go through with this at all or there must've been a mistake when picking the names

has to be shoved into the closet with you and you'd think he doesn't want this but he just wants it too much and is freaking out about it (you can hear jihoon's "THANK ME LATER" through the door)

probably goes straight into apology mode for his friends' behavior bc he just assumes you don't want to be there and when ur like no seriously it's cool being stuck in a closet with you isn't so bad wink wink he's like Oh ?

that's when his whole demeanor changes like you can actually see the gears turning in his head and he starts powering through his stuttering words to shyly flirt with you and it's the cutest thing in the whole world 😫

feel like making a move is 50/50 for junkyu. he waits for you to do it first but if you don't he will and thats a threat

his kisses are so soft and his hands never leave your waist or your cheek. probably doesn't want to go past that tho like he'll barely be able to breathe if ur hands start going down his body please dont do this to him rn 🤕

will not hear the end of thissss from his friends but his blushy cheeks n the smile that doesnt leave his face for the rest of the night tell u that maybe he doesn't want to

mashiho

super calm when he finds out it's going to be you but on the inside he's like FUCK YEAAAAAAA

a true Gentleman, opens the door for you and gestures for you to go inside first with a soft smile

honestlyyyy if mashi is already comfortable w you, he's going all in in no time 😶 like he'll really be talking about the coat hangers while simultaneously backing you up against the wall like it's nothing

if y'all are not that comfortable w each other yet he'll still be giving you The Eyes and The Smile and you'll know. You Will Know

type to sigh into the kiss, to smile against your lips, to squeeze your hips (or ass if you let him 😶‍🌫️) real tight, to get you out of breath, to wait for you to catch it while caressing your skin under your shirt and looking intently at your lips...... this man has got it ALL he makes me crazy in da head

also the type to be like wanna get out of this uncomfortable ass closet? and ur like ? we still got like 2 minutes tho and he's like idk about you but i plan on kissing you the whole night so we got a little bit longer than that, actually

so satisfied with himself when y'all walk out he can't even hear all the teasing it's like the comments bounce off of his puffed chest right onto the floor 'cause all that matters is you pressed up against his side

yea good luck surviving him 🥰

jaehyuk

probably pulls your name himself lmao this game is rigged and he doesnt even care to hide it

big hand on ur back kinda guy, guides you to the closet letting everybody know ur business and what's about to go down

probably doesn't go straight to the point, keeps his hands on your sides, fingers going in circular motions on ur skin, just talking to you to make sure you're comfortable with this. and teasing you a little bit too this is jaehyuk we're talking about

as soon as he gets the okay tho? boy is making MOVES

like seriously bro he will not let a single second of those seven minutes go to waste when making out with you in there, he'll devour you if you let him

type to bite ur lips and smile against your mouth but you did NOT hear it from me

walks out proudly with your hand in his and responds to every teasing comment with "yes and...?" like he's sure you'll get ur turn sometime jeongwoo u can sit down now

asahi

tell me why this is the most he's ever hated his friends

i feel like the ONLY reason he'd ever willingly go into that goddamn closet is so you don't get the wrong message and think he's not into you and get upset. 'cause we all know you cannot get hamada asahi to do something he doesn't want to

probably not as awkward as you'd think he'd be once inside. if the air's stuffy and you feel stiff then that's on you he's chilling

there is a certain tension in the air bc of the nature of your....situation but he will let you know it's cool to just hang out in silence for 7 minutes in a random dark closet if that's what you want

absolutely will not make a move on you but if you wanna try something he is opennnn

doesn't get past a couple kisses tho, he's not about to get freaky in the aforementioned random dark closet

tries his best to keep his mind blank when y'all finally have to walk out of there and face your friends and fails SPECTACULARLY you can see the blush in his cheeks and ears spreading all the way down to his neck and chest and it's super cute

yedam

God answers prayers and they're all yedam's

tries so hard to make it seem like he's chill but gestures for you to walk inside first just to then immediately do the same thing and bump into you bc his brain is malfunctioning

i feel like this is baseline for yedam but.... panicked AND confident? thats his brand.

has a certain nervousness about him but is able to put that down in like a minute or two, tops

will make a move LMFAO are we not being real here. but will make it seem 100% seamless and smooth with how he gets you talking and laughing and more relaxed before sneakily placing a hand on your waist and then ur like Oh .

i don't think he'd go in with the intention of taking this too much further like he's VERY okay with just some heated making out but if hands were to inevitably slip past hemlines.......... WHO is he to say no to you honestly

noooooo 'cause i have this very clear image of him walking out with either ur hand in his or his hands on ur hips and he's got this smug smile on his face but he's not an idiot about it and he feels on top of the world like that is so yedam.

doyoung

so surprised when ur name gets called out i can just imagine him going "oh my god??" out loud like in that one iconic fancall

all shy smiles and gentlemanliness like really the type to open the door to this dank ass cubicle and be like "after you (=^ω^=)"

kind of shy but not in a way that he clams up?

his main concern is making sure you feel respected and comfortable so his thoughts are all about it but also how does he convey to you that he's dts (down to smooch)

i also dont think he'd make a move like. at all. out of respect for you

even if he does keep complimenting you and making conversation to ease the tension

if u guys do end up kissing everything is so so soft w him like he truly TRULY is the type to break a kiss to giggle and u can still feel his lips so so close to yours and it tickles and that just makes u guys giggle even more i cant do this

tell me why i have this v clear image of him walking out of the closet first to protect u from the onslaught of teasing (hand holding optional) and while he takes it all with a coy smile on his face he just pumps his fist into the air in victory after like 5 seconds

haruto

no cause he'd be SO BASHFUL

literally doesnt look you in the eye and when u ask him if he wants to go in first or if u should his mouth does a keyboard smash irl cause his brain just cant comprehend

when ur like ok! i'll do it 😊 he thinks he falls in love. ruto sensitive guy agenda is alive and well

once inside i feel like it wouldn't be awkward but he'd just be quiet. kind of afraid of messing up (what he believes to be) his one shot with you u know? 😕

won't make a move 'cause he's too paralyzed by the way you look under the dim light like he seriously can't think this isnt a joke

probably keeps his arms at his sides once you go and kiss him LMFAO and it's super cute 'cause he just doesnt know what to do but u can tell he's slowly getting more confident by how smoother his kisses become and how firmer his grip on ur hips gets

when he walks out he can feel his whole face burning but as the night goes on you keep noticing how he tries to stay close to you and how he keeps teasing and annoying you as he becomes more comfortable in ur presence

jeongwoo

was praying so hard for this you could probably look over at him and catch him mouthing and chanting your name when jaehyuk's trying to bring a little suspense to the game and taking forever to pull the names out

sighs in relief when he hears it's you but then freezes in place 'cause oh my god did they just see me do that

doesnt even do anything once inside the closet tho LMFAO like ruto is right outside the door ear pressed up against it to catch any goss and he's like r yall alive????

honestly the chances of jeongwoo actually making any sort of move are so low bc he thinks staring at you non-stop already means the ball's in your court

will be sooooooo happy when u pull him in for the kiss though like oh my god you can see it in his face. his kisses are probably a lil clumsy at the beginning but he's a fast learner he'll get the hang of this soon enough

either stays quiet at his friends' teasing or says something dumb to defend the both of you but it's endearing bc it's jeongwoo and he's blushing and stuttering over his words and he's jeongwoo

u can tell he keeps eyeing you for the restttt of the night and he only looks away when you catch him like half the time

junghwan

speechless but cant stop smiling

so respectful with the space he keeps from you while walking into the closet you'd think he's still social distancing

barely says a word aside from like "our friends are......" and then a Sigh but he's v v open to whatever you wanna talk about

so immersed in the chit chat he doesn't even think about the situation u guys are in until there's a silence and he Remembers

also won't make a move like he won't even hold your hand unless you reach out first

i feel like junghwan's heart can rly only handle 1 (One) shy kiss like the rest of the time will be spent holding hands and idly making conversation even though all he can think about is how he wants to kiss you again so bad

stays silent when u walk out of the closet even if there's teasing and he's barely able to look you in the eyes for the rest of the night

blushes whenever he speaks to you again

main masterlist | treasure masterlist

[selfinserttothestars]

💬 !! for chris ☆

Well there was that one time that Chris got sick…

“I can’t help but wonder why the ghosts aren’t taking care of you.”

“They have other things to do, Ace. Harry tends to the garden out back, Sigmund and Bart need to check on the fire fairies in the dining hall—“

“Wait, they have names?”

“Deuce, sweetie—“

Chris’s words were cut off at their own coughing. They did their best to turn away from their friends whenever they had to cough or sneeze, while also keeping the cup of noodles that Ace and Grim lovingly made from spilling. Chris had woken up that day with a fever, though Grim refused to tell them the exact temperature he read off of the thermometer they used. They could only assume that meant bad. Grim was quick to demand the two Heartslabyul students to come over and help take care of Chris, despite their insistence that no one should enter the building let alone tend to them. So here they all were, together in one potentially germ infested room. Whatever Chris had was bound to spread, they were sure of it.

Deuce carefully took the remainder of the noodle from Chris’s hands and placed it on the bedside table. “You should probably try to lay back down.” He urged. “Get some rest.”

“Brother, I tried. I can’t sleep like this.”

“Then we’ll get you some cough syrup! Ace let’s—“

“Nooooooo don’t.” Chris whined. “You’re not allowed to go spending money on me, not even for something little!”

“Chris, you’re sick!” Ace retorted. “Do you expect us to just sit around and watch you cough all day?”

“What I expected, Trappola, was for you to stay away from me while I’m gross!”

“Well then we’d have to stay away from you all the time!”

Grim laughed from the loveseat he was sitting comfortably in. Chris flipped him off. He flipped them off back. Roommates. “What I’m saying,” Chris continued “is that you two can’t exactly go back to your dorm without endangering the rest of Heartslabyul. You shouldn’t’ve come here.”

“It’s fine!” Ace insisted. “Deuce and I are perfectly healthy! No one’s even gonna know we were here to begin with.”

“They already do.”

“Huh?”

Chris plucked their phone from its charger and held it up so the boys could see. There was a text exchange between them and Trey from a few minutes earlier. The duo started at the phone, and then their friend.

“Did you see that word right there?” They pointed to their phone screen. “Quar-an-tine. That means you dweebs are stuck here.”

“What?!”

“No, Vice Housewarden and Chris have a point.” Deuce said dejectedly. “If we get sick then we could get our whole dorm sick too.”

“I can’t believe you’re agreeing with them!” Ace argued. “We’re both tough guys with tough immune systems! We’ll be fine!”

“Yeah, but what if we’re carriers?”

“We won’t be carriers!”

“Ramshackle has plenty of extra rooms.” Chris butted in. “You won’t have to share.”

There was a long pause as everyone seemed to wait for Ace’s response.

“…Oh fine!” He finally said. “But you’re gonna have to deal with us!”

“I’d love nothing more.”

[sparkbugs]

Ep 105 of jrwi liveblog!! My thoughts and reactions under the cut :3

The psa is so real good on you jay

Skip to like 20 mins in cause I forgor to write-

The egg joke was great LMAO. Also BIRD BIRD :D also. They left the tortle to die???? Oopsie I fucking guess??

Underground town :o chip pls just follow bird bird mannnn

I’m still so worried about Early Drey and Finn on the boat oh my goddddddd (THANK GOD THE SHIP IS SAFE WAA)

NEW NPC WIRH ART OHGHDHHS I LOVE HER??? Whomst are you… pink smithy lady… OHGGGGGG TRICELLE ROLFAERA YOU ARE ALSO GORGEOUS

Bird bird my bestie… they better save everyone on this island man like I get it’s their home but they don’t need to be stuck here anymore

HOLYYY SHITTT 7’2… who is this… artists I kiss u /p you’re so fuckin talented and the art you’ve made is so so pretty

IGNEOUS!!! IVE SEEN ART OF THIS BOY OH HES RAINBOW HES SO COOOOL

LMAO GILLION THANK YOU FOR BEING YOU <3

This woman. I want to be her friend.. ZAMIA :D BE MY FRIEND PLS YOURE SO COOL

I love how they’re arguing in front of these people LMAOOO “you lot are crazy, man” yea igneous. They’re a bit insane but it’s ok!!

“We’re the weird kind of pirates that throw our money off the boat and save things” 💀 yea well.

Well they’re gonna go beat up bad pirates that are killing these people and something bars gonna happen cause when does it ever go right!!! Haha. Ha. (Referencing a Spoiler I know that happens but I have no idea When it happens)

Group huddle moment!! Bring all these people on the ship I don’t care :) save them all somehow

Gilly nugget of wisdom. He’s smart I agree with him

There’s a lot :( just. Aaaag

God taking out the corruption on their own is going to be. Terrible.

Yeaaa gillion you. Need to stop dying please <3

GILLION JUST LIKE ME FR brother you cannot save everyone I understand. I get it man but you cannot save everyone you have to look out for yourself

Hallow spell :o time to google what the spell means- aw hell yea protection spot

GOO DRAGON… chip praying? Never thought I’d see the day- oh he. Corrupted nvm

PRETZEL PLUSH ON THE FLOOR OF GRIZZ ROOM - SHE !!!!!! I think so anyway- SHE MOVED

Whomst was taken. They’re gonna get her back

Oh they have a boss that was taken :(

Just noticed puppy behind grizz :o they eepin

Zamia :( SO MANY SAPPHICS IN JRWI I love them all.

“We’re gonna help as best as we can but we also need help getting around here” seems like a reasonable request as they brought Knock back anyways.

Zamia I love you already :( you deserve the world, y’all gonna get out of here don’t worry

RABBIT! RABBIT!!!! And fox… ogghhdjs everyone on this island. They’re my favorites ever.

GIVE AWAY THE PANTS!!! QUEEN YEAHHH MAKE THEM NEW CLOTHES :D give them hope. This is so good I love this sm

Petlen!!! Trinket friend. MAGIC ROCK! Rock. Love rocks… OMG GIVE THEM FOODS FEED THEMSSS

HAJDJDISH switch blade.. AWEJDIS PETLEN :( I love them

ALICE? What how do you say her name. Smithy… “I saw you smithing from across the room” yeah I would’ve said that too tbh

CHIP FINALLY GETS STUDDED LEATHER GIVE HIM BETTER ARMOR HOLY SHIT!!!

This is we’re Knock gets the “yuh” from too-

DOES SHEBSAY ANYHING ELSE LMAOOOO I love her

Uh ohs. Jay. The map!!!! Huh hahdjgdja map??? What. Uh oh. Wuh oh

Corruptionnnb aaaaaa

LMAOOO “you see something bad? You RUN!”

17 ac finally jeez.. yay armor and upgrades

Spider webs… haha this is gonna go terribly

Ohhhh who fucked up- GRYFFON NOOOOOOO

Everything is fine everything is fine everything is fine the scuttling means nothing everything is fine everything is fineeeee

Queeeeeennn aaaaaaaahshsgaia

AAAAA spider that’s not a friend that’s not a friend uh ohssss ahahahaaa VORTEX WARP HELL YEA SMART MOVE- oh the web. RUNNNNNN A FUCK

This is fine :) I wanna be where the people areeeee I wanna seee wanna see em dancing.

Petrol.. patrol. Same thing…. (Also currently making burger while watching so I’m multitasking this is fun)

Gillion. You what. I mean yea but also haha that’s terrifying haha please be careful

Backstreets back ALRIGHT! Haha uh oh “what you don’t see” uh. Hehe there’s a heart or something.

“Like nuts” … Charlie please.

… haha! Uh oh!!!!! Hahahahdjdhgsja

This episode was great I’m so nervous. For what comes next! Hahaha!!!

[thesevenwondersofawitch]

Chucky s1e8, An Affair to Dismember

I feel so bad for Tiffany when both Chucky's are ignoring her, but it's hilarious how she mentions Chucky(as Nica) gets dick too

I love how Tiffany tells both of them that neither of them know how to treat a lady and that they're no man😂😂

HOW DARE YOU SAY SHE ISN'T A LADY? SHE IS THE LADY YOU ASSHOLE

Junior is me tho (watching as Tiffany slaps Chucky) LIKE GET IT GIRL!!

The way Tiffany knows it's Nica immediately 🥺

And tells Chucky Nica at least respects her (respect/fear, same thing)

Oh no, the way Tiffany's face changes as Chucky apologizes, she knows that he's up to something 🥺🥺

Oh no, the way Tiffany realizes what Chucky's asking her to do and she tries to come up for a reason he'll understand to get him to let Nica live🥺

Her face looks so heartbroken when she starts to get her file and is crying saying she'll do it for him but she doesn't want to do it🥺😭

Her sobbing as she apologizes to Chucky that she can't go through with it and kill Nica🥺

NOOOOO she moved out of the way so Junior could do it😭😭

Tiffany just immediately jumping into action to kill Chucky just before Junior can kill Nica🥺😂

Nah dude, you're upside down😂

I'm cackling right with her 😂😂

Yeah dude, trust the blood covered nail file welding lady over the doll, she's honestly wayyyyyy more scary (and I love that for her)

OOOOO CHUCKY'S FACE WHEN SHE SAID HE HAD A LITTLE DICK😂😂😂😂😂

Ooooooooo she's the one who called the cops on him the night he died?! (Idk why I'm shocked

One of me's gonna get

Tiffany *dropping Chucky's head*: Mic drop

^ a true queen

Poor Nica 🥺

'Aunty Nica' honestly I wish I was in Junior's position rn with Tiffany/Jennifer telling me what to do

Oh my god I love how she lights up when talking about Glenda🥺❤️

I wonder if her weapons are in the suitcase 🤔

Welp, it is a weapon

Junior is traumatized

Oh no, he's just staring at his very own Chucky doll😂

Tiffany has definitely dealt with the twins adopting/taking random things with how she's just like yes, Junior you can keep him but you gotta clean up after him

I want a makeup container that shoots lasers, that's so cool

Oh god, poor kid is still in the house damn🥺

Well he's gonna need a lot of therapy (a headless doll body going to kill him)

Oh Andy you and your head collection 👀🙄😂

Nooooooooooo Kyle🥺🥺🥺

Well, at least there'll be a blank slate for Tiffany to rebuild a house, she's pretty smart about saving money that way

I forgot that Lexy and Jake were drugged and was wondering how they could sleep while their friend/boyfriend was in trouble

Oh noooo they think Devon died😭😭😭

Aw the way Jake was crying and then Devon appeared and they ran to each other 😭😭

Oh no, Poor Andy and Kyle 😭(I hope they're as hard to kill as Chucky)

Tiffany is so iconic I wanna hug her sm

Junior don't hurt Lexy😭

I totally wouldn't put it past Jennifer Tilly to have a whole collection of Good Guy dolls in addition to her Belle one😂

Oh Tiffany is totally the one who'd teach children to do crime

What Frankenstein

The way that Lexy's mom is finally appreciative of her husband 🥺 good for them

Oh noooooooo! Lexy's dad is dead😭😭😭

SHE DIDN'T CHECK THE POPCORN BEFORE SHE ATE IT? ( I am so glad I always do that)

Welp, thanks Chucky, now I gotta check under the seat in movie theaters

Poor Caroline doesn't know her dad is dead😭😭 her little voice asking what about her daddy (to come with them)😭

The way Lexy is telling Junior why she's loved him😭

Nooooooo Junior 😭😭😭

Poor guy is just another victim of his circumstances 😭(he made a choice, but still it was sad to see him die)

Damn Jake, you can kill him with your bare hands🥺

Oof, Chucky may not be a homophobic monster, but he still is from a time when they liked to say that something was so gay

Wait, so is Lexy's mom also dead? I thought she died at Christmas time?

Oh ok so she's alive gotcha

Tiffany saying she'll kill the driver if he's late, laughing and then more quietly saying she wasn't kidding as she walks away is hilarious 😂

Andy is out here doing good work with what his trauma gave him

I lowkey thought he was gonna drive the car into Tiffany's car😂😂

TIFFANY THE DOLL NOT THR PERSON 😂😂😂 I love it😂

Oh nooo, Nica🥺

Tiffany's right that girls have gotta advocate for themselves

Tiffany babe, I love you, but that was cruel even for you to subject Nica to more pain, even though Chucky is terrifying 🥺😭

Well it's good the science teacher is free again, she seemed cool

Those poor kids😭

Oh they're being watched, 💯

Chucky chilling in front of the fire is fabulous 😂 the kill count😂 poor kitty tho, Binxy deserved better 😭

[29daffodils]

KP Rewatch : Ep #1

wow, okay, this took me a while. in my defence, i had a LOT of household chores, okay?

now, let's begin. i do wish tumblr had a thread system like twitter, but this works too. be ready for loads of thoughts about the episode (i just finished watching ep. 01 and it's already august 3rd lol).

okay, let's just get this out of my system first : i will never stop cringing at the opening scene and the accented italian. i dunno if it's just me but it feels too clunky. i really don't wanna offend any italian fans but the actions feel too exaggerated i am deeply sorry 😭

ahhh he is indeed all grown now, and he is so pretty too!!

one of my favourite transitions that shows the very fundamental difference between the two MCs and sets the background for the story.

also, the translation is so shoddy i never understand why kinn just shot the interpreter (was he the one laundering money?? was money laundering happening at all?? someone explain the context with the italian mafia please? thanks in advance!)

everyone shut up and look at my boy big here!!!! he is so fucking cool!!!!

not big being injured and still looking out to see if kinn fled the scene of the shootout ughhh my heart, my boy deserved so much better than what he got (iykyk)

IS HE PISSING IN A BEER BOTTLE OH MY GOD PORSCHE NOOOOOOO

okay, he really doesn't look like a jom

mY BOY PETE IS HERE AND SO IS MY BABIE KEN

every time i look at the kittisawasd home i wonder how they still own it if they are so deep in debt but i also suck at math and shit so i don't bother thinking about that

okay, alright, so they *were* going to lose the house if only they hadn't had the plot armour 😂

okay, shit, i feel so bad for the kittisawasd brothers. like, porsche taking all that responsibility upon himself and then doing the stuff that he hated the most and chay, probably beating himself up about it all, that had he not been there, maybe porsche wouldn't have had to struggle as hard. just....ughhh.

>> attaching part #2 here because i discovered you can post 30 pictures in a post only via web and not through the app, wtf tumblr???

part #2 :

uncle probably knew at this point that the watch belonged to a theerapanyakul 😂

chay is such a cutie patootie ahhhh

he looks so proud of himself lmaoooo

aaah yes, iron balls 😂

he's so bad at flirting omg 😂

my boy ken be like : "can he not drag me into one of his shitty attempts at getting laid again? i need to get back to my job (of being a mole) 🙄"

uncle korn has clearly planned his moves beforehand what the fuck, going after porsche seems to be very deliberate. i dunno why i never saw this before

to think that porchay was ready to leave everything behind just to escape the hellhole of debt and constant bullying and in the end he ended up entangled in the same kind of world both through his brother and because of his love for kim. poor babie 🥺

yeahhhh sure you would 😒

i just know that chan knew porsche was the cousin. i just know it. he looks wayyyyy too unsurprised for korn to be making such a loaded comment about some chess game right after getting porsche to agree to the bodyguard position. there is no way chan — right hand mafia man — didn't know the truth about porsche.

alright, that is it for now. i have a couple more posts about ep.1 that i'll share later. bye! happy watching fam!

[pfhwrittes]

I swear between you and two other mutuals, y'all really are making me itch to write some gaz x soap.

I don't need it!

But goodness I wanna write a fic now so bad for them!

oh nooooooo, don't do that! it would be terrible... truly awful**

**how much money and/or love/snacks would it take for you to do this because your writing is de-fucking-lightful and i would eat it right up

(i'm kidding, please don't feel any pressure at all)

[hils79]

Hils Watches Enchanté - Ep 8

I love it when they use a product placement item to treat an injury. They did it in Not Me too. Delightful.

Hand holding is an essential part of icing bruises

Well, they've played gay chicken already. May as well see who can tolerate holding hands in icy water for the longest

Book does this wonderful thing where whenever Theo and Akk are staring at each other like this he occasionally flits his eyes down to Force's mouth. I've only noticed it a couple of times but I bet he's done it more than that. A+ acting. Subtle but meaningful.

Got to play fight and then almost kiss at least once per episode. I love it.

Yeah, if I found out my team captain blew our entire budget on gambling this would not be my response.

Come on, dude. I think you know.

Oh, yeah, we probably need to deal with this dude first. I'm sure he's also lying to Theo for his money or father's influence.

I don't know how much more obvious you want him to be

"If we were to theoretically kiss..." OMG JUST DO IT ALREADY

Come on if you're going to demonstrate at least kiss his hand instead of his arm

Thank you!

I don't like him, but I think that's because I am rooting for Akk and also I have residual feelings about Dan in Not Me :D I'm sure he's using Theo just like the others though.

FFS THEO AKK IS RIGHT THERE! LOOK AT HIS SAD LITTLE PUPPY FACE! I'm sure Saifa isn't Enchanté but even if he is how does a few flirty lines written in a book compare to this boy who is clearly head over heels in love with you and who you clearly love back.

And he's back to writing notes in the book. FFS Theo!

I still think it's him tbh but yay a (sort of) confession of feelings!

NOOOOOOO! Come on! Theo was 100% going to kiss you back! Why did you pull away?

This drama is bad for my blood pressure.

Okay, Saifa is being weird. He showed up for their date, took a selfie with Theo to 'help him' and then left??

He is very touchy even though he's saying kind words. I don't like it.

Apparently Akk doesn't like it either

I KNEW IT!

Wait, what?

WAIT WHAT???

BULLSHIT!

You and me both, my dude!

Dude! DUDE!! You already had his attention! My god please get some therapy.

You were, but look at Akk's face. He's so gone for you he doesn't even care that you're an idiot.

I'm very confused how there's another 2 episodes to go after this one. This feels like the end?

[thessalian]

Thess vs Economic Meltdown

UK Population: So the only real surprise about today's budget--

Tory Government: It is NOT A BUDGET. It is a financial *event*. Or a mini-budget. Nothing that requires scrutiny from ... you know ... nay-sayers.

UK Population: You mean independent experts.

Tory Government: Tomayto, tomahto. Anyway. NOT-BUDGET.

UK Population: Whatever you want to call it, the only real surprise was the abolition of the 45% rate of tax over £150k.

Tory Government: Oh, come on! It's only going to cost £2bn!

UK Population: Well, even though you weren't obliged to seek independent scrutiny or post actual numbers, independent experts did look at the numbers you *did* see fit to show us. And they reckon you got that number way wrong. Reducing the rate of tax above £150k to 40% actually costs £6.6bn.

Tory Government: Nooooooo no no no no. See, if we reduce the rate of tax for the rich, they won't avoid as much of it, so in the end they'll really pay *more*! So we calculated our numbers based on what we believe the wealthy will do!

UK Population: As opposed to what they've actually *done*?

Tory Government: ...I'm prepared to be unpopular.

UK Population: Well, I should hope so, because you're definitely going to be. Nothing in this entire bud--

Tory Government: Ah-ah-ah-ah-ah!

UK Population: *siiiiiiiiiiiigh* Nothing in this so-called 'fiscal event' is even remotely helping the people who need it most, and it disproportionately rewards the already wealthy.

Tory Government: Well, they deserve it more!

UK Population: Wut.

Tory Government: And we're trying to get people to invest in the UK!

UK Population: Byyyyyyyy ... tanking the pound? GBP is almost at parity with USD now; you know how bad that is, right?

Tory Government: It'll encourage more people to BUY BRITISH!

UK Population: What, you mean British as in 'tiny island whose exports are more or less nil, and who now lack the people to pick crops, butcher livestock, pluck chickens, and drive delivery lorries because of Brexit'? With a side order of 'a lot of our previous trading partners won't deal with us at all anymore because of Brexit'?

Tory Government: Ah! We have a solution for that! AND it'll help the poor get more money!

UK Population: Really. Okay, fine. How?

Tory Government: We're putting sanctions on Universal Credit so that people who only work part-time will have to seek full-time employment or they'll get their benefits cut!

UK Population: So ... *everyone* who only works part-time. Including the disabled, the elderly, and people who are caring for the disabled and elderly, and literally can't work full-time without suffering?

Tory Government: Yep! Lazy workshy scroungers, all the low-wage plebs. We're going to fix that!

UK Population: Oh for fuck's sake...

Tory Government: Oh! Also! We came up with a solution to NHS understaffing!

UK Population: I am afraid to ask.

Tory Government: We'll just do what we did during the Covid pandemic!

UK Population: The one that's still technically going on?

Tory Government: We're pretending it *isn't*, because if we ignore it, it'll go away eventually!

UK Population: Oh for-- wait. Doesn't "what you did during the worst of the Covid crisis" basically mean "ask for volunteers from other departments and retired people, preferably without pay"?

Tory Government: Yep!

UK Population: *EPIC FACEPALM*

Tory Government: Oh, and we expect Scotland to do all this too, and stop trying for any kind of pay equality!

Scottish Government: FUCK. OFF.

Tory Government: They just don't get it. This is what going for growth looks like!

UK Population: No, this is what slash-and-burn economics looks like. This is what disaster capitalism looks like. This is what "We're going to lose the next election anyway so let's take what little we still can and run for the hills, and leave the mess for Labour to pick up because they won't manage it and we'll look like the better option when they fail" looks like.

Tory Government: ...You love us really.

UK Population: The polls are saying different, sunshine. And what happened to "We're prepared to be unpopular"?

Tory Government: Okay, the people who *matter* love us, really. Now shut up or we really will bring back the workhouses.

[away-ward]

Ranty text block: Another scene i remembered from rereading corrupt and punk57: ryen describing rika's clothes at their condo building(?) that led to me thinking, "why do people always put rika edits in the best, sexiest and prettiest clothes? Because as much as this girl was said to be "pretty", her fashion style was ugly as a rat, like shitty af. She always looks like a 33 years old extremely rich suburban mom who got no taste in fashion and wore dull ass colours but still everything is designer thing" Like that was my first thought every time i saw Rika edits, and how i remember her in books. I almost confuse her with em's high school no-choice aesthetic because of how bad pd tried to make rika look "not other rich girls" by not dressing up much and kept on going with the narrative of "oh alex looks hot, but me (rika)? Ew" 🙄 im sick of stories like this because it reminds me of Rubi (a telenovela) where Rubi's hot rich girl friend kept on complaining about her looks, and was jealous of rubi (similar to alex's style here) when that girl friend can literally hire someone to style her, or build up her confidence and wear something even sexier or hotter than rubi (alex) because they got all the money that rubi (alex) never had. But nooooooo they had to wear ugly ass outfits 😭 i hate it here. Aside from that, i can totally see Winter and Banks rocking hot and pretty designer wears, because all thats left for winter was for someone to doll her up and banks to feel safe in her feminity and trying out more quality clothings, but Rika??? That girl really needs some personal stylist because why was she be making so much money and still be dressing like that? 😭 i genuinely hate it!!! This is a rich people story, why was she looking raggedy?? She could literally be cute and hot with her style, but noooo her outfits always gotta be ratty af, even elon musk has got more style than her and it's saying something because elon's outfits WERE.NOT.IT. I cant imagine how yikes rika looks every time she wore outfits that dont match her luxurious cars (especially before she met alex, and sometimes, even after, case in point, that punk57 scene), and readers supposed to look at rika and be like "wow, fashionista!" when she never really gave us anything to fawn over for?!! Her fashion is as dull as her personality, and she had no valid excuses for it because all her life, she was always sureounded by beauty and luxury. Emmy had excuses bcause of her lacking money & at home situation etc., but rika? It couldnt happen Only for two reasons being one, she didnt want to be called a slut or looked down by her society, or two, because trevor that scum kept on harrassing her on what she should do, and because she was a pushover, it was har to not push him away, BUT! BUT! but even then, there's so many hot, cute, pretty or beautiful modest fashion??? Modest fashion is one of THE most popular style for rich people because they associate modesty = being classy, so i still dont understand why rika was raggedy. Idk this really irks me. I'll let you know if i have more irk-inducing things from DN. Though i don't think i have the energy to shit on killswitch because that book was exhausting 😭 damon torrance was exhausting, i pray for winter, every five seconds to get away from him.

Out of all the character’s, Rika’s style has struck me as the oddest. I can only recall two specific moments that made me question things.

One was when she was getting ready for school and she wore like boots, a sweater, and a scarf. Which, knowing it’s October and is probably a bit chilly, isn’t all that odd but I felt weird to layout her outfit like that.

The other was in Hideaway when she shows up for the sleepover and she’s wearing an avocado shirt and matching shorts, while everyone else was in sexy wear. It felt very “I’m main character/not like other girls” energy. And Michael comments that his mom bought those for her and he can’t believe she still has them, like it’s so cute. I couldn’t shake the idea that PD saw these PJs in rl and thought they were cute, so immediately wanted to put Rika in them because Rika’s soooo quirky like that.

I tend to let it go a bit in Corrupt, because I thought some of Rika’s storyline and character development was getting away from people that controlled her.

Her fashion style was ugly as a rat, like shitty af. She always looks like a 33 years old extremely rich suburban mom who got no taste in fashion

Remember in the first scene when she’s racing back to the Crists’ and Michael’s mom as laid out a white dress for her to wear. Rika isn’t that excited for it?

It feels like Rika dresses like a 33-year-old woman with no taste because she’s being dressed by a woman in her 40s who thinks this is what a young lady of a respectable class who is going to marry her son would wear. And Rika specifically indicates that it’s not her style as a 19-year-old who wants her independence. So, I can let it go.

Meeting Alex, who is the same age as her, was probably an eye opener for how someone who decides how they present themselves could dress. It is no excuse for the rest of the series, but like I said, I never paid attention to Rika’s style. I never saw her as a “fashionista” and in fact, if any of the characters were, I’d say it was Alex.

Rika could have afforded a personal shopper or a stylist, but I think after breaking away from the Crists’ control and Michael wanting whatever she wanted, it meant she dressed however she wanted without thinking “is this fashionable?” Which is fine. I don’t really care, and I don’t have a fashionable bone in my body. I can’t expect rich people to have it just because they have money, and I wouldn’t expect all people in their 20s to care. Fashion and being stylish is such a person-to-person thing, so I guess it never really mattered to me.

It couldnt happen Only for two reasons being one, she didnt want to be called a slut or looked down by her society, or two, because trevor that scum kept on harrassing her on what she should do, and because she was a pushover, it was har to not push him away,

The slut shaming and Trevor were most definitely factors in how Rika dressed in her teenage years. Probably past down from Trevor’s mom, like I said before, the idea of this is how a young lady dresses.

So maybe like with Em, the rejection of clean, modest style to a slouchier style was a way of rebellion for Rika? I don’t know.

Thanks for the rant. It was fun to read about something that I didn’t notice. Since we’ve been talking about style recently (or me and other anons), maybe it’ll be fun to go through and explain how I do picture the girl’s style like how I did with Em. You guys can offer your thoughts and HCs as well! Maybe we’ll come to a consensus.

[analyzingadventure]

Ghost Game 36-37!

Oki episode 36, Labyrinth of Grief!

Lamortmon’s inclusion in the opening wasn’t as cool as the Jellymon’s new money shot... But Bastard Boy’s inclusion was a fun surprise! And new end card, yay!

Whoa that’s a whole building going down

And dude’s coworkers are dead

And so is he, RIP

OH THE BUILDING CAME BACK

Man is this episode gonna bully Kiyo or what lmao

OH RIGHT I FORGOT I saw the Twitter “spoilers”, this was the Frontier Rights episode! There’s whats-his-face (the big nosed bastard) from Frontier as the MotW and an animator snuck in a cute tribute too, this is gonna be fun

There you aaare, it’s nice seeing you actually c:

Aaand Kiyo’s dead again, RIP

Oh man, dude has just straight up built a collection of human statues

Aaand it’s Kiyo’s turn, RIP

Is that Gigasmon’s OG VA? Fuck I need to check-- nope, it’s not, Gigas is voiced by Ken Uo in GG, while Frontier’s was voiced by Nishimura Tomohiro. Good to know! Sad he couldn’t reprise this role, but I feel Ken is doing an a-okay job!

Anyway, awe, dude’s crying

I MEAN

Jesus fuck Gigas is kicking their asses and hard

Oh yeah, you need a flying buddy to beat him

Oh that was fun, the animation was really good

HE’S MAKING GRAVES? BRO

OH NO HE WAS CONFUSED BY A MOVIE TRAILER AND HAS BEEN CONSUMED BY DOOMERISM, OH NO, BUDDYYYYY

“Humans won’t go extint” honey, we will, maybe not in this generation but the heat death of the universe will get us sooner or later

YEAH, THEY HELPED CURE HIS DOOMERISM!

Peace out Gigasmon, peace out

That was a fun episode!

37, Herd of the Dead

OH THEY’RE LITTERING!! >8O CRIMINALS!!

OH YEAH TWITTER SPOILED THIS TOO, IT’S RARERAREMON, FUCK

I did not expect to see a Psi Digimon so soon BUT I’M NOT COMPLAINING, RareRare is fucking terrifying

And we got Zombie’s y’al-- OH GOD NO

NO THEY’RE KILLING THE BOAR, OH NO, OH NO

Oh that’s... Oh that’s pretty upsetting actually

Oh man Kiyo is looking pretty hagga- bro? BRO?

Dude what happened

NOOOO there’s more dead animals... ;_;

NO THEY GOT THE CHICKENS

OH SHIT THE CORPSES ARE COMING FOR HUMANS NOW TOO, FUCK

OH NO, IT’S GETTING WORSE

NO, NOT THE KITTY CAT, NOOOOOOO ;;;;;___;;;;;

THE LITTERER’S ARE BACK, THE ASSHOLES

GET ZOMBIE’D YOU FUCKS-- oh are they gonna just get eaten by RareRare? That’s even better

“She really likes Zombie movies” lmao that’s cute

Upset about the pets...

Oh jesus fuck the animation on RareRare is horrifying

Man Kiyo is in trouble, isn’t he

GOD RareRaremon is horrifying

Like they did not have to go this hard on RareRare and yet they did. I mean I respect that but also jesus fucking christ

Wow, GG making me feel bad for RareRare...

Turn him back into an egg? Bro... I guess, if that would end his suffering, and stop him from hurting others... But... Man... This is rough...

The power of friendship ends RareRare’s suffering... He wen’t on a journey...

Good episode

I don’t want to know what this episode is foreshadowing

Next episode preview

Taomon (or Doumon) time! AND EPISMON TIME!

[lannasroleplaymemes]

BO BURNHAM: INSIDE Sentence Starters

From Bo Burnham’s newly released Netflix special. Trigger warning for mentions of suicide and generally pessimistic/cynical statements, plus swear. Tweak as needed.

"It's a beautiful day to stay inside." "Daddy made you your favorite, open wide." "The world is so fucked up." "There's only one thing I can do about it...while being paid." "Should I be joking at a time like this?" "Don't panic, call me." "Should I stop trying to be funny?" "Should I give away my money? NO." "I'm a special kind of guy." "I self reflected and I want to be an agent of change." "So I am going to use my privilige for the good." "So maybe I should just shut the fuck up." "I don't wanna do that." "I'm ___ and I'm here to save the day." "And yes they'll pay me, but I'd do it for free." "I'm healing the world with comedy." "If you start to smell burning toast, you're having a stroke or you're overcooking your toast." "Somebody help me out, 'cause I don't know." "And I want to help to leave this world better than I found it." "Welcome to whatever this is." "Trying to distract myself from putting a bullet into my head with a gun." "Pour me a drink and clear my schedule." "These 40 minutes are essential." "Say hi to dad." "And that's the deepest talk we've ever had." "Today we're gonna learn about the world." "I've been in a frightening liminal space between states of being. Not quite dead, not quite alive." "It's similar to a constant state of sleep paralysis." "The simple narrative taught in every history class is demonstrably false and pedagogically classist." "Don't you know the world is built with blood and genocide and exploitation?" "Private property's inherently theft." "Every politician, every cop on the street protects the interests of the pedophilic corporate elite." "Just don't burden me with the responsibility of educating you, it's exhausting." "I'm sorry, I was just trying to become a better person." "Why do rich people insist on seeing every socio-political conflict through the myopic lens of your own self-actualization?" "This isn't about you. So either get with it, or get out of the fucking way." "Have you not been fucking listening?" "I can't go...I can't go back. I'm sorry." "Are you going to behave yourself?" "Yes. Yes Sir..." "I learned my lesson and it hurt." "I come in and I put their fears to rest." "Tell them you're against racism -- in theory." "Will you support us in the fight against lyme disease?" "There's no sugarcoating it, the world is fucked up." "An avocado, a poem written in the sand..." "Is this heaven or is it just a white woman's instagram?" "It's been a decade since you've been gone." "Your little girl didn't do too bad." "Is that...is that necessary?" "Can anyone, any single one of you, just shut the fuck up? Just about any single thing? For an hour? Is that possible?" "Who needs a coffee 'cause I'm doing a run?" "I'm an unpaid intern." "And since you can't afford a mortgage, you just torrent a porn." "If you had told me this a year ago, I would've said 'Interesting, now leave me alone.'" "Look, I'm confused. I'm very, very confused." "Oh, if I'm self-aware that I'm a douchebag, it'll make me less of a douchebag." "Am I balding?" "This is really, really disturbing." "Amateurs can fucking suck it." "Fuck their wives, drink their blood!" "A handful of bug-eyed salamanders in silicon valley..." "Maybe that as a way of life, forever, maybe that's um...not good." "I'm...horny." "It isn't sex it's the next best thing." "Tonight I'm thinking of taking it slow." "We'll use emojis only." "We don't need phonetical diction." "We'll talk dirty like we're ancient Egyptians." "What if now you think that I'm implying your vagina is as big as a Ferris wheel?" "Crisis averted, thank god." "They made the internet for nights like this." "I love you, baby. Send a picture of your tits, please." "Jesus fucking Christ I guess I never learn." "My phone's flash is my only light and the flash makes my dick look frightened." "I chicken out and send a picture of my face instead." "My dick looks like the baby from eraserhead." "So I send it to you and then my phone dies." "One hand on my dick and one hand on my phone." "Another night on my phone, yeah." "I'm not feeling good." "All my clothes are dirty." "What's up you useless fuck?" "I haven't had a shower in the last nine days." "I'm not really feeling like I wanna get lit." "My current mental health is rapidly approaching an all time low." "Yeah, so um, yeah, not doing so great." "Do I really have to finish?" "Do returns always diminish?" "Did I say that right?" "I wrote offensive shit and I said it." "Times are changing and I'm getting old." "My bed is empty and I'm getting cold." "I'm problematic." "He's a problem." "Are you gonna hold me accountable?" "I'm gonna go home and burn it." "I've been totally awful." "And I'm really fucking sorry." "Bitch I'm trying to listen." "Well that's fine, you radiate such youth." "Yay." "Nooooooo!" "God...goddammit." "Oh yeah? Well your fucking phones are poisoning your minds, okay?" "So when you develop a dissociative mental disorder in your twenties, don't come crawling back to me." "My stupid friends are having stupid children." "I'll be 40 and kill myself then." "I just want to say for the record, um, that I do not want to kill myself, okay?" "Can you not, please?" "There are people that love y--I mean, that's not true, necessarily, but there could be." "Are you tired of it? Never mind, I don't want to know." "Welcome to the internet." "There's no need to panic." "Don't act surprised, you know you like it, you whore." "Apathy's a tragedy and boredom is a crime." "And that has made me completely freak out." "So, yeah, who fucking cares?" “Is it just me or do pirates need to take better care of their fucking maps?”

[aseioh]

Of Cakes and Late Celebrations

Author’s Notes: This was supposed to be posted on Mother's day. But just like this fic, I got derailed and ended up being late. (picture taken from the internet)

It was Mother's day.

Or to be precise it will be Mother's day in 15 hours 25 minutes. It shouldn't be a problem for Alcina, she usually just buys something from the Duke to give to Mother Miranda.

Unfortunately, such a thing is not possible right now. The Duke was delayed with his routine arrival at the castle opening, something about a spooked horse and lycans trying to get a nibble.

Honestly she lost interest after the word delayed was spoken through the phone. How is she going to remedy this. The gift itself was one of the finest silk she was able to obtain, she was sure Mother would appreciate a new ritual robe.

This is bad. To show up without a gift on this special day. She was sure she would be made a mockery during the gathering. Whats worst was that fool Heisenberg would be the first to lead with his pathetic insults.

Just the thought made Alcina's blood boil.

”I should send Bela to switch that man's shampoo with dog shampoo. Although the man still smells like wet dog. No. I'll think of something more devious.“

But back to the matter at hand. It's almost Mother's day and she doesn’t have a gift. Taking a deep drag off her cigarette, she considers her dwindling options.

At western part of the village

Donna is also facing a similar problems.

"What do you mean you're not coming?! Where am I supposed to find a present at this hour?!" Angie's raspy voice filtered through the phone "do you know how hard it is to find a 1st edition book on occult and rituals."

"Apologies Miss Angie, but the horse spooked and the carriage suffered a broken wheel. Even if the servants manage to haul themselves your house to the Duke's location and back it would still be too late." The main servant said trying to sound as apologetic as he can come across.

"This would not do" Donna said finally in her normal voice.

Somewhere inside the Stronghold.

Karl Heisenberg was having a meltdown.

"YOU STUPID LYCANS! I GAVE YOU ONE JOB AND YOU COULDN'T EVEN DO IT RIGHT!!" Heisenberg paces around the small assembly hall. Ten Lycans looked very apologetic, although it was very hard to tell from their looks. One even lets out a soft whimper.

“I told you to stall The Duke for a while. I didn’t said to derail him completely. The man has a package for me, now how am I supposed to get it!?” Heisenberg seethes.

His plan was a simply one really. Stall The Duke so that he would arrive at Castle Dimitrescu late, that way Alcina would not get her package and present it to Mother Miranda. That would show her, a little payback for calling him a child.

What he didn’t count on was the utter incapability of the Lycans to follow simple directions. Now even he doesn’t have a gift. Oh Miranda’s gonna blow a gasket.

“Augh... I hate the consequences of my actions” He lamented

 At Moreau’s Reservoir

“NOOOOOOO!! That’s not fair, that’s not fair!!!” Moreau starts throwing his stuff on the floor. He had finally saved up his money to buy Mother Miranda that nice jewelry that would go perfectly with her black wings.

“Someone’s gonna pay” He vows to take revenge on the Lycans responsible for his problem.

 After all his pet fish has been hungry for some Lycan meat.

 Castle Dimitrescu (13 hours until Mother’s day)

“I have gathered you here today for a very important meeting” Alcina starts looking at the sad (Donna) and tearful (Moreau) faces of her so called ‘siblings’. Heisenberg is surprisingly calm which puts Alcina on high alert, but lets it slide in favour of the more pressing matter

“We have a big problem. The Duke will not arrive on time for Mother’s Day. That means all the presents we bought for Mother will not arrive”

“We need a solution, any ideas?”  

“We kill the Lycans responsible and feed them to my fish”

“Yes Moreau, but that’s after we solve this problem” Donna said and tries to placate a Moreau by patting him at the back.

“Whoa, that’s a bit dark but I like it. And Moreau is right, we’re gonna make fish food out of those Lycans” “Better off those basdards, after all I don’t want to implicate myself” Heisenberg thinks

“People, you’re missing the point here” Alcina says pinching her nose to ward off an incoming headache. “Listen, we don’t have time. You know Mother Miranda, She’ll say she wasn’t really expecting something and then low-key punishes us for missing the day. We don’t want a repeat of the 1967 incident do we?”

Moreau whimpers from the trauma.

Donna goes into a slight trance and starts to shake.

“Alright, alright, that’s enough” Heisenberg stands. “Why don’t we just bake something and say it’s from all of us”

 *beat*

“Do you know how to bake?”

“I work at the Factory, I make steel molds for a living how hard could it be?”

“That doesn’t answer my question Heisenberg”

“We could make a small doll” Donna pipes up

“Sorry Donna that would still take time. And I don’t think we have the right materials on such short notice.” Alcina says

“For someone who’s looking for a solution you sure are shooting down all of them”

“Because it’s not feasible Heisenberg.” Alcina huffs “Can you gather all the materials in less than 10 hours? No? Of course not”

“And I keep telling you just BAKE A CAKE!”

“I don’t know how to bake, child! I’m a BLOODY COUNTESS not hired help” Alcina bellows at Heisenberg

“I know how to bake”

Everyone turns to Donna.

“Really?”

“Of course, I used to watch my Mother bake cakes before the accident. I just need help decorating. I never got a hang of that part” Donna beams with pride as she explains the basics of baking

“And we can gather the ingredients no problem. You have a pantry here somewhere right Alcina?” Moreau asked

“Of course. We always have a full pantry for the servants.” At that Heisenberg looks at Alcina with a hint of disbelief

“What? We need them healthy to serve us. I’m not a complete monster.” Alcina defends

“In any case we should start early. It takes time to cool and decorating is hard”

 Castle Kitchen (12 hours 30 minutes before Mother’s Day)

It was truly a sight to see. In a way it was enough for the Castle’s servants to wet themselves in fear when they saw the 4 Lords gathered at the kitchen in various forms of concentration. Needless to say, everyone was warned to steer clear of the kitchen for now.

Moreau was together with Donna supporting her with mixing the wet ingredients. Meanwhile, at the other side of the cooking station Alcina and Heisenberg are charge of measuring out the dry ingredients.

“You need to be precise, don’t put too much. Remember what Donna said and look at the damn recipe”

“I know what I’m doing you damn woman. I’m all about precision. Why don’t you move away and get that mixing bowl at the top shelf.” Heisenberg grouched

“I’m not your servant. And I certainly will not start fetching stuff for you” Alcina shot back

“Alcina, we need to work together. We don’t have time and you’re the tallest of us all. Please cooperate with Karl just this once. Please?” Donna implored

“Once. I’m helping him for this one time only. When I get my hands on the Lycan responsible for this problem, I’m gutting him and throwing him at Moreau’s reservoir.” At Donna’s admonishment of Alcina, Heisenberg gives a shit eating grin, showing some rather very pointy canines.

“And Heisenberg, stop provoking Alcina.” Donna adds

“Fine, you’re no fun Donna”

Suffice to say, the baking went well. Who knew that the 4 Lords working together would be a great success? If only Mother Miranda saw her children working together peacefully she might have had a heart attack and thought that she suffered one as well.

Or she might have been dreaming.

 Castle Kitchen (6 hours before Mother’s Day)

“Alright, the cake has cooled down completely, So what color will be the icing?” Donna asked

“Yellow” “Cream” “Light Blue” the other three said simultaneously.

 *beat*

“Light blue? Really? Not everything needs to be manly Heisenberg”

“And not everything needs to be boring like your color, Alcina”

“It should be yellow, like Mother’s sunny smile” Moreau explains

“And in which ever universe has Mother ever smiled like the sun?” Heisenberg counters Moreau

“Hey now. No need for that tone!”

“Tsk, sorry Moreau” Heisenberg apologizes to a quiet Moreau

“Fine, let’s do pastel yellow it’s easier for the eyes anyway” Donna supplies, getting ready to start coating the cake with the yellow cream

 Inside the Sanctuary

“Happy Mother’s day”

“We hope you like the cake Mother”

“Yes, we poured out our love in baking it. I hope you appreciate it” Heisenberg said

“Why thank you loves. This is a wonderful surprise. And Moreau said that you all worked together in baking it. How wonderful!” Mother Miranda said grateful for once that her children worked together without collateral damage (that she knew of).

“Although Heisenberg, I heard something interesting from Urias” Mother Miranda looks pointedly at Heisenberg, who for some reason starts to sweat and turn pale.

‘oh shit’ “Really Mother? Good news I hope” Heisenberg tries to bluff his way out.

“Why it was quite peculiar really. He said that you got 10 of his Lycans for a special project. I wasn’t aware that you have some side projects”

 The 3 Lords turn to Heisenberg

“Wait what?”

“I KNEW IT!!” Alcina unsheathes her claws

“You’re responsible for this mess in the first place!!”

“Really guy relax, if anything I just proved that we need more than one traveling merchant in the village for a successful and on time delivery” Heisenberg starts to carefully ease his way to the nearest exit.

 “GET HIM”

In the end, Alcina was more than ready to feed Heisenberg to Moreau’s pet fish. Only Donna stopped her, citing Moreau would probably be inconsolable if his pet got indigestion from all the metal.

And that is how Heisenberg saw himself in doggy jail for a week along with his Lycan cohorts. Mother Miranda did get her Mother’s day gifts from her children although a bit later than expected.

 And the cake?

 The cake was surprisingly delicious.

[ashintheairlikesnow]

Nooooooo Chris bby no

CW: Noncon touching, referenced noncon, noncon kiss trauma/panic response, pet whump, intimate whumper, creepy whumper, crass/derogatory language

Someone comes in, uses the bathroom, washes their hands, and leaves. Chris can see them over the handler's shoulder through the crack between the closed stall door and the side, flimsy metal that doesn't quite meet.

He breathes in shuddery, shaking gasps, but he doesn't - he can't - make a sound. The handler holds him tightly, the weight and heat of his body forcing Chris back against the wall. They're both still clothed, but the handler's breath is hot on his ear and Chris might throw up, or bite, or...

No he won't.

He'll be still and silent and good.

He always does this - he always freezes up. Somewhere inside himself, derailed, there is a train wreck screaming at him to fight or flee, but Chris can't do that, he's never done that, he's always done just what he is doing now.

Freeze, and be good, and hope that it won't be as bad as he knows it can be. As it has been. As it will probably be again.

His breath hitches, and the handler jams a shoulder into his collarbone to quiet him. The man who came in leaves, and it's only the two of them again.

"What do you do pet, with your barcode sawed off, huh? What makes money for your fancy lattes these days? You got a sugar daddy?"

The handler kisses him before he can answer. The press of lips on his is familiar, repulsive, inevitable. It would always be this, in the end, wouldn't it?

He has an acceptance letter to a real college pinned to the fridge, and it doesn't matter, because once a pet, always a pet, and never anything more.

Chris chokes on his disgust, shakes his head to the question, twists away from the handler's attempt to kiss him again. His clip is torn loose and his hair falls into his face, a blue curtain, not a wall he can hide behind.

"St-stop-"

The handler grips his chin and forces his head up, to meet his eyes. Chris whines, hates himself. He's supposed to be better now, stronger, and he's not. Still Baldur, still 223499, still nothing, still just a black hole with legs. No one at all.

Not a person.

Just a pet.

"You know better," The handler chides, patronizing. Chris sees him through a blurry sheen of tears, fuzzy and unfocused. "You don't get to know that word anymore."

You have two options, trainee. You can choose to be good, or choose to get hurt. I always give you options, don't I?

Yes, Handler Petrus-

"How do you answer a handler, pretty boy?"

Chris whispers, "N-no, sir, I d-d-don't have-... have, have... have a, a, a sug, a s-sugar daddy-"

"Then what? Whoring yourself like the other Romantics? That how you make a living?" Chris shudders, managing a breathy no, sir, and the handler chuckles, one hand still gripped tight over his throat, the other slipping up under Chris's shirt to find the layer of compression fabric beneath. "Oh, you're a double-wrapped fucking Christmas present, huh? Well, I know where we can go. I'll get a room at a motel. Show me you still know your tricks, pet, and I'll even let you go without turning you in."

"You-... You will?" Hope, dizzying as any vertigo, fights for space in his racing chaotic mind.

Chris's head starts to spin. His hands, pressed to the cool walls, tap desperately, but there's no soothing to be had here. Words are starting to fall apart, spark and dissipate, lose connection with his brain.

He manages, "Y-you... You, you, you... You p-promise? If I-I'm good?"

"Scout's Honor. Did you come here alone, pretty boy?" The handler's fingers twist some of Chris's hair, tuck it behind his ear, fiddle with the six piercings there, pressing rough thumb over them one by one. "Hm?"

Tears run warm down Chris's cheeks as he hiccups on a sob and whimpers, "Yes, s-sir, I'm al, al, alone."

He lets himself be pulled out of the bathroom and towards the door with his head down and his eyes on the floor.

He"s a terrible liar - but he's crying so hard that the handler can't tell.

Look up, he thinks, desperately. The handler's grip on his hand is bruising tight, an arm around his lower back, a whispered litany of the things he is going to do to Chris when they get to the motel.

Chris says yes to them all. He doesn't remember anymore how to say no.

He doesn't get to remember no.

They move across the cafe to the door, to all appearances a man concerned about his upset friend. Chris can't cry for help. Pets don't ask for help. They don't need it.

They're pets.

He's a pet.

Everything else he's ever tried to be is a lie.

And yet...

Look up, he pleads, inside his own mind. Look up, see me, help me, help.

Look up, Antoni.

---

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