#I MEAN THAT ONLY IN THE FICTION WORLD YOU SICKOS

[itsladyliv]

today i am here with a little something for @fkevin073 who is writing so beautifully a Jacaerys x OC fanfic called bury my heart next to yours on AO3 ❤️❤️❤️ (which is kind of an AU based on another amazing work of hers that you guys should really check out!) and honestly,, it's only four chapter now but it has taken over my mind and i just HAD to do something alright

this is entirely based on my 4 a.m. speculation but if anything i am right that aemond's jealousy will NOT be as cute when he grows up

[ar3s-r4t-qu33n]

Idfc if he's real or not, he's still worse written than Eddie. Also the problem is in his fans that are making him no guilty, innocent baby and always refering that Coyle/Eddie/Everybody else im outlast are the same. And if you think it'll work, try to compare Walker (with PTSD after war) with Franco (who is just a sicko). Anyway Barbi's simps are way more agressive than any other fans when you say something bad, what's a fact, about a grown ass man. I feel like those people are just little kids who are getting upset after school and shouldn't play the game ;) When I see all those comments with "He'S mY PoOkIE" I'm getting sick... Ya'll should get a brain

Guys look!! I got one!!

You don't deserve a response, because if you were old enough to be playing Outlast, you would be able to figure out that shaming people for (checks notes) liking a fictional character in a horror series? Is plain stupid.

It would also serve you well to maybe do some spell check before you come into my asks like this. I'd take you more seriously if you maybe drafted this one more time, but here we go:

First of all, you don't know me. You can check out my like, five posts and see that only two of em are Franco related and none of them baby him. In fact, I don't think I've seen a post yet by anyone who says "Franco is a sweet, innocent baby who did no wrong" because... That's the point. He's interesting BECAUSE he's done shit wrong. We are playing Outlast. Everyone is complex and awful and interesting. Just because not every post is marked with a little footnote that says "oh by the way everyone, Franco is a bad, bad man 🥺 I don't support his actions, I'm not a Franco defender, I just wanted to draw him being silly 🥺" doesn't mean we're all out here claiming he's a saint. The fact that he's a fucked up lil guy is why we like him. I feel like that's a given with all Outlast characters? But that's just me after being a fan of this franchise for years now, idk, being able to step back and analyse a community to see what they enjoy about something is quite a fun and easy task, I recommend giving it a try instead of coming into "loser nobody who has been on Tumblr for like a week's" asks to complain to me like I can put all the Franco fans in the corner until they learn to interpret characters the way you have decided is objectively correct.

But even if they are "babying" him and apparently ignoring that this is the Outlast series and Franco is a character from Outlast... Oh no! What horror! Someone is misinterpreting a VIDEO GAME CHARACTER what a terrible and unique crime!

Franco "just a sicko" Barbi was abused and neglected by his father, his mother was murdered, and he only ever received affection after he killed someone. But yeah, he was just born fucked up whereas every other Outlast character earned their trauma and the right to kill the player. What a senseless and just untrue take and I'm sure you know that, you just want to complain because that's all you people like to do. You want to feel morally superior over someone because you don't understand why they feel the way they do instead of just moving on and ignoring them like any other sensible adult would. Because who's actually getting hurt if some people think Franco is their lil Pookie? Is it you? Does it cause you psychic damage? Because last I checked, this is the internet. We are responsible for ourselves, so unless somebody is actually hurting anyone...

Block the Franco tag. You are brave enough to type out this whole message to a stranger online and act morally superior because comparing which video game character deserves the right to kill you is THE most mature thing in the world, so you're definitely brave enough to block the tag and move on.

You are responsible for what you see online, but ESPECIALLY on Tumblr, it is so so easy to hide content you don't want to see, and mind your own business. Quite frankly, I don't care if I come across as aggressive here. You came into my asks about a tag/fandom you clearly aren't in trying to act like you're better than the rest of us. That's pretty damn aggressive, wouldn't you say?

This is Outlast. A game about fucked up guys doing fucked up shit, and we love them for it. If that is too much for you, if the mommy issues gangster is too crazy for you but Eddie and Trager and Knoth and Coyle are completely fine, no questions asked? I don't think this series is for you. Sexual horror is a staple of Outlast. Childhood trauma is a staple of Outlast. You can't be shocked when people respond to a new character in a video game they like.

YOU are not better than me because you like Chris Walker and I like Franco Barbi. I can't believe you need to be told this, we are all in the same uncomfortable freakshow cesspit that is The Outlast Fandom, no one is morally good. No one is better than anyone else. You cannot claim moral superiority over any character because at the end of the day, I can point to Wernicke and say with my full chest that he is objectively the worst because he's a literal nazi, and what then? Are you going to tell me that Franco is worse than a nazi? The debate is over, in the list of "who is the worst of these awful people", Wernicke wins hands DOWN. The point is null because EVERYONE SUCKS HERE!!! THAT'S THE POINT!!!!

Is that enough for you? Or are you gonna keep harassing people through your alts or getting your friends to do it? I can go alllllll day, baby, you ain't making me feel bad about my interests in the O U T L A S T fandom, dear GOD, this is ridiculous. Don't fucking condescend me, telling me to "get a brain" you don't KNOW ME, I am a stranger to you, why do you feel comfortable coming onto my blog harassing me about a video game character? That's not a good look for you and now it is immortalised here. Anonymous or not, you still did this. Whoever you are, you typed that out and sent it to a random person you do not know and felt comfortable enough to do so.

That's weird.

[maximumzombiecreator]

I have a question about mapping the dungeon - all the games I've been a part of that weren't theatre of the mind had the GM prepare and draw the maps, both for encounters and dungeon exploration, typically on a whiteboard or dry erase mat. What are the pros and cons on having players map out the dungeon instead? How is this handled for OSR dungeon crawling typically? I can foresee miscommunication and distraction leading to incorrect maps - how much should the GM intervene in these cases? Does player mapping slow down the game?

Typically, OSR games will have someone assigned to be the mapper, both literally, in terms of drawing the players' copy of the map and within the fiction, having their character (or a hireling) doing the mapping. In most systems, the rate of movement through the dungeon includes mapping as part of what the party is doing (hence why if you look at the actual pace of movement it's really slow.) This means that in situations like fleeing from enemies, the characters are not able to map and the GM won't give them things like measurements, just a vague sense of what they see. Similarly, it's often something that a character does while exploring a room. Someone will investigate the interesting thing, someone will keep watch, someone will be mapping the room.

Now, if you're running on a grid, then I think it's pretty much essential for the GM to draw the maps when they're needed for combat. There's no sense adding a game of telephone into the mix every time you're setting up for a fight. In this case, I think you can either just accept that the party gets some free detail when they get into a fight, or you can go all the way and just have the GM provide the map that the characters draw.

For the most part, the decision whether to do manual mapping depends on if it's a type of gameplay that you care about. Because it is gameplay. Classic D&D dungeon maps often contained elements designed to confuse and frustrate mappers. Dwarves have the ability to detect slopes in passageways specifically because dungeons would contain features like that so that the party could switch levels without knowing that they had. In that sense, incorrect maps are a desirable outcome.

Typically, a GM will only want to intervene if something has gone unfairly wrong. If the map of a room or section is so wildly incorrect that the in-world character couldn't reasonably have arrived at it, it needs to be corrected. But for small mistakes (or just tricky dungeon design) your mapper could potentially end up sitting, staring at their map, trying to puzzle out what's gone wrong so that they can find their way back to the surface. Certified map sicko (affectionate) Dyson Logos has even made Mapper's Challenge dungeons that really put this skillset to the test.

And this can lead to some really great moments! Good mapping can be a way for the party to find secret doors and rooms, with their mapping leaving conspicuous gaps for them to look into. Likewise I've had players figure out based on their mapping that a wall was thin, and opt to mine through it in order to circumvent a difficult fight. In classic dungeons, partial maps were also often part of loot. This might include treasure maps, as well. A fragmentary map that shows a secret treasure will have the mapper scrambling to figure out how it fits into the map they have so far.

It does slow down the game, but all gameplay slows down the game, right? That said, I think it's a form of gameplay that works best if there are players who are going to engage with it enthusiastically. If the party is going to be in the position of forcing someone to be the mapper, it may be better just to work collaboratively with the players to keep an accurate map of what they should have been able to map so far. But if the players are into that gritty kind of playstyle, where the characters might be sitting in a dank hole, looking at their scribbles, trying to figure out how to make their way home? It's great, it's honestly fantastic.

[familyabolisher]

it’s interesting what this appeal to ‘porn’ is expected to do as a qualifier to the mere presence of ‘misery’ or ‘trauma’ in a text (which are not in themselves necessarily condemnatory properties—that they are pornographic in nature is the appeal to narrative failure being made); drawing on reactionary presuppositions about who makes and consumes erotica and why to position the (satisfied) audience as voyeuristic & somewhat licentious & the text itself something intended to titillate & the creator as similarly participating in/enabling this effective orgy of spectacle. & this criticism is deployed to in part push back against the sort of accusation of audience voyeurism that that framework makes; like, paradoxically applied to at once position and resist the positioning of oneself as titillated & implicitly condemned consumer (like: "this pornographic affect is bad, and anyone who enjoys this work is in effect bad by virtue of being positioned as the unethical consumer; my condemnation of the text removes me from this category.") whilst at the same time communicating particular assumptions about the intentions of the creator. (imo, a criticism which rests on unverified appeals to creator's intent or lack thereof is often flimsy at best, but that's not the only dimension to all this, so.) like, a criticism whose bedrock is that eroticism is a de facto debased and condemnatory state.

but, like, the suggestion seems to be that a narrative in which a series of traumatising / upsetting / violent etc. events take place with little, let's say, "point" to them, such that their emotive drive never reaches a state of catharsis (with the caveat that catharsis is highly subjective and many would say that the Misery Narrative, as it were, is generative of catharsis on the part of the audience!) or some other kind of narrative tapering-off wherein their presence feels justified is one which can only then be engaged with through the framework of voyeurism and titillation that the 'trauma/misery porn' claim provides. which i don't think is true! and i think harboring suspicion towards anyone compelled by such a narrative is an easy slip into reactionary thinking.

i guess i just don’t buy the suggestion that the presence of trauma or suffering that can’t be made edifying or otherwise placated in-narrative is de facto a narrative failing, or that a person's engagement with narratives that deal heavily in trauma or suffering is fair cause for them to be be painted as some kind of lecherous voyeur (or even that like, what you could call the Sickos Response is bad, or one that needs purging from one's critical faculties. not to state the obvious but fiction isn't real, in the sense that what is happening in a narrative is not a literal transposition of actual real-world events taking place coterminously.); like, just calling something 'trauma/misery porn' and calling it a day does not make for a substantial critique. it's a very mathematical approach to narrative; anything that doesn't factor into an imagined equation wherein the narrative is made critically legible (ie. you found the 'answer') is superfluous, and that perceived superfluity is problematised when it invokes discomfort in its audience such that it has to be explained away via a gratuity that we then have to position as odious.

i'm not arguing universally in favour for these sorts of narratives, because i think that would be as reductive as attempting to write them all off under one umbrella of very broad and specious claims about their morally suspect character; i'm just like, thinking about the conditions that giving 'trauma porn'/'misery porn' that particular critical currency begins to set & the assumptions (about porn, about eroticism, about what it means both to create & engage with erotic works) that go into the claim that a work being pornographic is indicative of its being bad. i think spectacle and exploitation (and the question of how + where/whether we can we draw hard boundaries between spectacle that exploits our emotional faculties & spectacle that appeals to and enhances them & whether the latter category could fairly be called spectacle—i could follow this train of thought for hours frankly lol) are highly valuable touchpoints for evaluating art, but i'm very suspicious of the language used to effectively skim the surface of what could be far more interrogative conversations.

terms like "trauma porn," "misery porn," etc as presumed indictments of a text are like ... such unserious gestures towards "criticism" lmao

[stormcrow513]

Obligatory high disclaimer

So I've been wanting to rant about this for sometime

Ok there's this irritating thing I notice in certain fandom communitys, the ones where there's supernatural elements that have really old characters, like vampires, or Bleach which also involves old dead people, ghosts sorta, their kinda soul reapers but Japanese mostly, it's a maga/anime if you've not heard of it and want to look it up

Now you always got some people yelling pedophile about Edward/Bella, often these same people love Buffy/Angel or even Buffy/Spike,

Like if you go by the rules of both of these world where the vampires are might be 100 300 years old, but mentally a physically they are the age the died, they stop growing,

We ALL get that one of the nomber one reasons people argue AGAINST becoming a vampire is they frown age thing,

So from that prospective Edward who was what 17 when he died daring a 17 18 year old Bella is in no way pedophilia

Buffy whose 16 and Angel whose what late 20 is early 30s ? (Can't remember) and him making doe eyes at her outside her school at 15 while she's sucking on a lollipop,

One of those sounds creepier then the other,

Then we have Bleach where most everyone wants the protagonist Ichigo whose a 15 year old boy end up with Rukia who is like 300 years old though she passes for the same age as Ichigo or must since no one calls her out as looking to old to be going to Ichigos school,

And you see people who like that pair call other pairings where he's pair with one the other 100+ characters and calling it pedophilia,

Like you gotta say if one is so is the other

Which side note none those these are pedophilia as that's something specific to kids under what 10 there's another word for when it's teenagers and not just statutory rape there's another one I can't remember right now

Though their is one that could be called that,

One of the 100+ guys is apparently able to pass as a kid, and there's a sorta pairing of him with one of Ichigos like 11 year old sisters,

I literally never seen anyone call that gross or inappropriate even though the guys definitely treated as an adult by his society's as he is a Captain in his military

So I think if you're going to say that someone 100+ being with is pedophilia because how huge the age gap,

Then you gotta say ALL vampire/huma relationships are inherently pedophilia if the vampires over 100 years old even the ones like A Discovery of Witches cause Dianna might be what 30 but Mathew? Is 100+

If you're going to say that like Buffy/Anel is statutory rabe because she's 16 and Angel died older then that, but Buffy/Spike isn't because she's legal when they get together,

That makes sense,

It like goes back to the thing where people want to moralize hating something,

Like why can't you just say, I really don't like Bella/Edward but I love Buffy/Angel

Like it's so pointless to moralize these things there fictional, fiction is just for fun, it's not supposed to be about what's moral or right,

How many people love that Hanibel show, and love the guy eating other people, bet you only a couple of those people want to be a cannibal (in any large enough group you're going to have some sickos)

Like I love John Constantine but I'm pretty sure that if he was a real person we'd likely try and kill each other, I just know we would not get along, as were both to alike in some spots to different in others, we would not mesh,

But I love watching him and rooting for him on screen, like I enjoy watching those differences, it's fun exciting to see someone act in ways I wouldn't,

Like are there people who act out bad things in movies sure,

Some people even mention how there's a lot of people who take rom-coms as like how to manuals which there very much not how anyone should ever aproch a relationship,

Like didn't any of you play cops and robbers as kids, did you grow up to be either, I mean sure some probably did, but most of us were just playing,

I think some of you have forgotten what playing pretend was about,

It was just trying things on seeing different perspectives even some that were gross or scary, it was never really serious,

It's just playing

[bobgoesw00t]

✨ If you get this, answer with 3 random facts about yourself and send it to the last 7 blogs in your mentions, anonymous or not! Let's get to know the person behind the blog ✨

I knew this was coming the moment I saw zodiac-senpai answer this so HERE WE GO!!!

A. I’m pretty sure I’ve already mentioned this in other posts but I’m not 100% sure if I have it on my profile bit so I’m gonna say it again just for the hell of it. I’m a gay man (with the heart of a child deep down) that was diagnosed with Asperger Syndrome over 20 years ago (people will say that it’s not a diagnosis anymore but as someone who was told I have it…IT’S STILL A THING SO STFU PLEASE) and I’ve been to HELL AND BACK cause I was one of the first people with Asperger to go through my local school district. But I made it through and I’m a better person for it and while there are some days when I wish I was “NORMAL”/Neurotypical…they don’t last long and I’m proud to have this Autism Spectrum Disorder.

B. Regardless of if you’ve read my smuttier fanfics or not it should be PRETTY OBVIOUS that I have a certain thing I like in a fictional character…STUPID SEXY OUTFITS THAT LEAVE NOTHING TO THE IMAGINATION! Here are a few examples just for the hell of it:

Now mind you, the last pic with stupid sexy evil Kazemaru is a bit EXTREME in the ass department, but it’s not his fault some pervert designed the Dark Emperors uniform like that!!! …he’s just making do with what he has. On a side note, I REALLY FUCKING HATE IT when I post a ship template of FICTIONAL CHARACTERS and people reply/reblog with, “YOU’RE A PEDOPHILE! THESE ARE KIDS WE’RE TALKING ABOUT HERE!!! WHINE WHINE WHINE BITCH BITCH!!!!!”. Firstly, SHUT THE FUCK UP AND GIVE TIFFANY FIVE ORANGES (that’s what GTFO really means xP) because these are FICTIONAL CHARACTERS WE’RE TALKING ABOUT and I KNOW THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN REALITY AND FICTION. While you’re busy bitching about this to me and calling me a sicko, there are ACTUAL PEOPLE OUT THERE THAT DON’T KNOW THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN WHAT’S REAL AND FAKE HARMING INNOCENT KIDS…PLEASE focus on them instead of me and pray that they get the help they need. …that is all I have to say on this topic for now so MOVING ON!

C. Like most people, I have a bucket list and there are things on it. However, there is really only one item on there that I feel I HAVE to do before I bite the dust: take the time to travel around the world (not in 80 days of course, than I would have no time to really explore). There are MULTIPLE reasons for this desire existing, not just video games like Assassin’s Creed (Origins is particular makes me want to visit Egypt EVERY FUCKING TIME I PLAY IT), Forza Horizon (Mexico and Australia are on my list of places to go), and Ghost of Tsushima helping (I’ve been wanting to visit Japan WELL before that came out in 2020 due to anime and tokusatsu), but also due to shows like The Grand Tour (which also involves cool cars which I like so that’s a plus), Survivor (GOD I NEED TO VIISY FIJI SOME TIME) and basically anything and everything Josh Gates has hosted…mainly this guy due to his ability to blend cool moments with insanity…such as when he discovered a unicorn in the mountain of Peru (here’s the clip for proof: https://youtu.be/-N19_t4Y5IU). If I ever do this, I would have to take my time and explore at my own pace not just because that would be easier IMO, but it would also increase my chances of having something like what’s happened to Josh and his film crew many times now. Being in the right place at the right time which results in having this insane experience you’ll never forget and you can look back on it and enjoy the time you had.

[hanatiny]

[4:04] Heart Not Found

a/n // disclaimer: I’d like to make it clear that I neither condone nor endorse any of the behavior described in this fic. Each of the characters acknowledges that it is beyond unacceptable and unjustified; this is merely meant to be an experimental look at the psychological processes within a yandere’s mind. Furthermore, this work is purely fictional and I do not claim to personally know exactly how any of the ateez members behave.

a/n: If there’s anything potentially triggering that I have forgotten to list in the warnings, please let me know and I’ll fix my mistake asap!! thank you <3

pairing: yandere!San x genderneutral!reader x pianist!boyfriend!Hongjoong

genre: angst

word count: 2602

warnings: non-idol AU, murder, descriptions of injuries, mentions of blood and death, mentions of knives, San is highly obsessive in this, he threatens the reader but doesn’t actually hurt them, kidnapping, trespassing, swearing, I did my best to keep the violence as vague as possible

-----

It was around 3am and you had yet to return home, and to say San was unnerved about this fact would be a massive understatement.

It wasn’t unusual for you to get home when it was already dark outside but it was never after midnight, much less in the early morning hours it was approaching now.

San tapped his fingers against the glass of his window anxiously as he watched the streets below attentively. You had turned off your phone a while ago, or at least that was the conclusion he drew after he stopped getting a signal from the tracker he had secretly managed to install on your phone.

3:12... why weren't you home yet?

His jaw went tense when he finally caught sight of you a few excruciatingly long minutes later, and he absolutely fumed as he saw you holding hands with another man he had never seen before in his life- he paused.

He did recognize the man, as none other than the pianist Kim Hongjoong who had been gaining quite a bit of popularity in the recent months. Kim Hongjoong, who he had gone to high school with until the older dropped out to focus on his career instead.

San didn't care much for that though, because a pretty face and a talent like Hongjoong's didn't mean he could love and care for you like you deserved it.

San believed that only he could give you everything you needed and wanted, and everything beyond that. Which was exactly why he was seeing red, punching the wall next to himself angrily. It caused his knuckles to bleed from the force behind the action, but the rage he felt overshadowed his pain.

Why didn’t you realize you were destined to be his and his alone? That you shouldn’t go whoring yourself out to other men? That only he should be the one to hold you in his arms, the one to protect you from everyone and everything.

He didn’t understand. He didn’t understand why you couldn’t feel his attraction to you, why you insisted on turning a blind eye to him and found him “weird.” That’s what he assumed to be the case, at the very least.

San loved you, why was that so damn difficult for you to understand?

His narrowed eyes flickered over to the knife resting on his bedside table, and he had it clutched tightly in his bleeding hand within the blink of an eye.

He darted down the stairs without a second thought, blinded by the rage he felt deep within himself.

Meanwhile, outside, you were hugging your boyfriend goodbye for the night. His dark eyes shone innocently as he kissed your nose affectionately, causing you to giggle while still having your hands intertwined.

“So I’ll pick you up at 10 tomorrow for brunch, yeah?”

“Sounds good, Hongjoongie~ I’ll see you then.” You playfully blew him a kiss before he turned and walked off into the night, rounding the corner shortly after.

It was San’s time to strike, using your distracted state of mind to creep up behind you and tightly wrap an arm around your torso while he held the knife to your throat in warning.

You didn’t recognize his voice at first when he whispered into your ear, your brain much too clouded from the feeling of fear filling you, “If you make any sound at all, I’ll personally slit your throat and cut your vocal cords. You don’t want to lose an angelic voice such as yours, do you~?”

Realizing your situation was hopeless due to the unexpected amount of strength the man holding you possessed, you stopped trying to kick him and wrestle yourself free. This was the only answer he needed, starting to take slow and deliberate steps backwards from your house over to his. His hold on you remained tight, borderline suffocating even, just in case you would dare to get bold and try something.

He had left his door slightly ajar, kicking it shut behind him once he had finally brought you inside of his living space.

You still found yourself unable to figure out the identity of the man who had burst into your comfort zone out of nowhere but you didn’t want to find out what he was capable of doing to you if you attempted to resist whatever he was in the process of doing and pinpoint who he was, considering the amount of ease with which he snuck up and took hold of you just a few minutes ago.

Casually dropping his knife onto a nearby cupboard, he led you down the hallway of his house to a spacious bedroom. It was then a figurative lightbulb went off in your head and the fog clouding your mind cleared, upon seeing certain pieces of furniture he had placed in the room.

You had been here before. You had been in this house before when he had just moved in and his furniture was all over the place, he was the ‘cute neighbor’ who had offered you some coffee and invited you over to ‘get to know each other a little.’ Now all you needed to do was remember his name- it clicked. You remembered.

His grip on you (probably purposely) loosening, you whirled around and took a few steps away from him. San didn’t seem all too fazed by it though, simply grinning knowingly at you and crossing his arms while you did your best to subtly gain proper awareness of your surroundings.

It seemed like he noticed, however, because that was when he finally spoke up again.

“I was wondering how long it’d take you to recognize me, love. You know who I am, don’t you~?” His tone was so calm that it unsettled you to the point of having to avert your eyes, your head hanging low as you nodded hesitantly, hardly even noticing his use of the pet name.

“I knew it...~” San’s voice trailed off into a purr that you weren’t sure how to feel about, deciding that being wary was likely the smartest thing you could do in your current situation.

Too lost in thought, you didn’t realize he had stepped closer to you while you were internally debating with yourself, pleased that you seemed to remember what he said about speaking.

“Now, I have something to take care of for a little bit... I trust that you’ll be good and not leave this room.” Although a smile was painted on his features, it didn’t make his tone sound any less threatening. Not willing to find out what might happen if you didn’t react, you nodded once more.

“That’s my good dove~” All of it disgusted you - from the way he cooed at you, over the way his lips twitched upwards into a grin, to the way he looked at you like you were the only person in this twisted world.

You hated it and yet there you stood, in the middle of this sicko’s bedroom, frozen with uncertaintly and fear. You only scarcely resisted the urge to punch him in the face, watching closely as he left a few moments later and closed the door behind himself.

You heard him lock it as well, heaving a shaky sigh when you believed him to be out of earshot.

Your body shook with rage, how did he have the audacity to just kidnap you like that and walk away like he didn’t commit a goddamn felony? Your first instinct was to break something, and you figured that the window might be the first best thing - just in case it’d give you an opportunity to escape.

Looking around, you were quick to find a small hammer in a drawer. You swung it against the glass with every bit of force you could muster, only for the object in your hand to bounce back without leaving even so much as a crack. Dumbfounded by the fact that San had even reinforced his windows to keep you from leaving him, clearly having planned this for a while, you dropped the hammer next to you and sank to your knees.

You curled in on yourself, sobs wracking your body as you were forced to come to terms with the reality that you were trapped. Trapped in this room, trapped with your not-so-innocent-and-sweet neighbor.

Meanwhile, San’s steps were hurried as he sought out your boyfriend’s house, knife in hand while he occasionally glanced at his phone. It probably wasn’t very smart of Hongjoong to have his personal address publicized for fan mail purposes, considering how easily it could be exploited by people like San.

He should’ve been freezing out in the cold air at 3:35 in the very early morning, but the blood practically boiling in his veins kept him from being affected by it much. It was almost too easy for him to trespass onto the desired property when he finally reached it, breaking the lock on the door effortlessly with the blade of his knife.

Hongjoong had a habit of staying up as late as it was humanly possible, and it was rather common knowledge that he sometimes didn’t even sleep at all. As such, San was not the least bit surprised to faintly hear someone playing the piano when he stepped into the house as quietly as he could.

He followed the sound, eventually coming to a large room filled with a variety of instruments of different sizes. In the middle was, as San had to begrudgingly admit, a beautiful piano. Its seat was occupied by his very target, Hongjoong, who was aware of the younger man’s presence and let his fingers press against the black and white keys once more.

The sound the action produced was so disharmonious that it made San physically cringe as he stared the young pianist down, the latter of whom finally lifting his head with a deep, exasperated sigh.

“This is about y/n, isn’t it? I’ve noticed the way you look at-”

“You saw nothing! You know nothing! Do you have any fucking clue how painful it is to see the one you love with someone else, to not even have them spare you a single glance because of how little they care about you?” San was furious at this point, blinded by his rage, Hongjoong flinching and recoiling in his seat at the harsh tone employed by the other male as he continued, “I know you don’t. You were always the prodigy and excelled at what you did, got everything you wanted so easily... including the one thing I wanted too. I can’t live with that, and neither will you.”

“I-I didn’t- That’s not-” Hongjoong stammered, trying to defend himself before quickly realizing it was a futile endeavor when he saw San lunging at him with his knife clutched tightly in his hand. His reflexes were fast as he tried to reach for a nearby violin to whack the latter unconscious with but the crazed younger was, to his demise, much faster and pinned him to the surface of his piano while the keys beneath him produced another dissonant sound.

It didn’t exactly help that San was not only taller but also more muscular than Hongjoong, so the latter’s tries to wiggle and struggle free were for nothing. He groaned in pain as the wooden edges of his instrument forcefully dug into his skin; he clawed at it, but to no avail. He had no chance against San.

Despite knowing how hopeless it was for himself, Hongjoong refused to go down without a fight and proceeded kick and scream in San’s hold, “You’re making a huge m-mistake-”

His vision spun before going black, his pleas going silent while his body went limb. Everything stopped, except for San. He continued to stab and mutilate the older until he deemed it enough and was satisfied, stepping backwards after. He got what he came here for. Taking a quick picture with his phone to show to both you and the police what had taken place (although he’d come up with an alibi for the authorities, of course), he backtracked his steps and left the house as fast as his feet would take him.

Still under the safe and dark blanket of the night, he made his way back to his own house. Making sure to hide the bloody knife where no one would find it, he cleaned himself off briefly before he got an idea for how he could use the ‘souvenir’ he brought for you.

You jumped slightly in your spot on San’s bedroom, curled up and hiding your face behind your knees even now, when you heard him slam the front door shut which signalled you that he had returned from whatever he was out doing. You feared the worst as you listened carefully, presuming the noise he was making to be coming from his kitchen.

You looked up when the bedroom door clicked open and San entered, a smug and satisfied grin on his face as he moved to set a jar on the bedside table before crouching in front of you.

“I’m home, bunny. Did you miss me~?” His falsely innocent, sweet tone was still something you despised, although you felt genuine fear for what he could do to you simply by looking at the tiny smudge of blood lingering on his cheek, so you nodded obediently.

“Good. I just had to have a little chat with your pretty boy, and look what he gave me~!” San cheerfully nudged his head towards the bedside table, and the sight you were met with made you feel sick to your stomach.

What you assumed to be Hongjoong’s bloody heart. In a jar. You kept glancing back and forth between him and the object, gaping at him in both shock and disbelief of what he had done.

“What do you think of it, love? Pretty, isn’t it~? Go on, tell me.” He encouraged you softly, "You told him he had your heart right? Now you have his forever!” He chirped, and your voice was shaky as you spoke.

“Y-you monster!” You exclaimed, cursing yourself internally for your stuttering as you cursed at him, “You heartless bastard, you didn’t have to kill him!”

“I didn’t want to kill him,” he admitted softly, looking down as if he felt any sense of remorse for any of his actions within the last hour or so, “but he left me no choice. He refused to break up with you. He refused to let me love you without... all this.” He gestured vaguely, pulling out his phone to show you the photo he took, “He refused to let me have even one thing I wanted for myself, even though he always got whatever he wished for. Desperate times require desperate measures, I had no choice...”

San trailed off, your own face paling at the realization that Hongjoong had been murdered because of a petty rivalry of sorts from the past that San had yet to let go of.

Feeling lightheaded by the abundance of information swimming in your already aching head, you blacked out. When you came to your senses again, it appeared to be morning and San was making noise in another room.

Tears wet your face as you shakily reached for your phone, wishing you hadn’t because the very first notification you opened was a headline you had prayed wouldn’t be reality, accompanied by the very picture San had taken the previous night.

“Up and coming pianist Kim Hongjoong brutally murdered in his home last night; investigations still ongoing”

----- Taglist (tell me if you wanna be added):

@cometoceantrenches @ddeonghwva  @galaxteez @innosintsan @latte-fairytaekwoon @little-precious-baby @multidreams-and-desires @nightqueennyx​ @twancingyunhoe​  @vocalyunho @yunhoiseyecandy​

Network tag:

@8makes1teamnet​

[nonbinary-sticks-the-badger]

heres my epiphany about being an evil sicko heterophobe who wants to disrupt the status quo and make your kids gay /j

over the past few months ive noticed ive been becoming increasingly more averse to straight/heteronormative ships. ik it isnt the end of the world and like. straight people arent oppressed for anything queer people arent also oppressed for. but its been bugging me because while heterophobia is such a non-problem that i was hesitant to even type out the word, simply reversing the roles doesnt really make it any better unless its for a hypothetical scenario. whatever you have to say about it, an aversion to a perfectly fine relationship just because its straight isn't necessarily the worst evil in the world but at the same time thats still a bad thing

and i mean for a little bit i was able to shut that part of me up! when done right, i honestly love sonamy. its just such a pleasant little ship. and also now ive got the tag blocked and consider myself a sonamy anti. ik it sounds really silly. "oh boo hoo, you don't ship the cartoon hedgehogs, whatever." and it is really silly. but its not just that. literally every other straight ship i like is either because the characters look good together/have interesting aesthetic combos (eg shadamy) OR i actually like the relationship but i cant bring myself to love it like other ships

again, not liking a straight ship isn't the be all and end all of everything, but i think back to this sonamy comic i saw months ago that i HATED. this morning i pictured amy as one of the guys in sonic and it was fine. i pictured sonic as one of the girls and it was fine. like i dont care if its not a serious problem, i dont wanna be like that.

and then i think about other ships im a fan of. i like a lot of straight mario ships, for example, so long as its not rosalina with a guy or waluigi with a woman. but then i remember WHY i like those ships. my favourite straight ship of all time is probably luaisy. theyre a really cute couple and i love them to bits!!! and then i remember i h/c them both as bi and trans, specifically t4t as well. this extends to other ships too. in fact, i love LOADS of straight pairings, so long as theyre actually not romantic and queerplatonic instead. put simply, i feel a need for some hint of queerness in EVERY ship.

and so i wondered why. why do i care? why do i have irrational hatred for a fictional boy and girl kissing if it isnt exactly how i like it? and then i thought back to when i didnt even slightly have that hatred and connected any two characters who i thought might possibly have something appealing out of a relationship. it was probably year 9, a few years ago. so what was the difference?

my friends.

back in year 9, i was surrounded by queer people, offline, online, real and fictional. now, however, a lot of them have realised theyre straight or drifted apart. its not their fault, thats just who they are and im glad theyre happy. as for the friends who drifted apart, theres not much i can do. but the only close queer friends i have who i have actually met in person are 1) my cousin who lives on the other side of the country and 2) the people who i see in summer school. summer school is 1 week a year btw.

obviously i dont lack queer friends. ive got loads online. but people arent kidding when they say your life will be vastly improved by being in physical queer spaces. my town's too small to organise any real pride events, so i cant really find new queer friends NEARBY very easily. i love my online friends, i really do, but even if we video called every day, it can never quite get on the same level as being in the same room as your friend. in other words, i feel slightly isolated when it comes to being queer. i guess thats why im looking forward to sixth form so much: i DESPERATELY want to meet someone more like me. not just in being queer, but being queer is a great place to start

so, if that does happen, maybe ill stop being like this and calm the hell down. i really hope i do because its genuinely annoying when you have an irrational aversion to something completely fine

im really tired but i literally just had an epiphany hold on

[voxvulpina]

I don't care anymore about Rumiko tbh.

I have lost about 50% of my respect toward her when Yashahime began because maybe Rin isn't the Mom and everything could change, that was the reason she didn't say anything.

Then she gained my respect again when she stated that SessRin's relationship was guardian/child. It means that she never ever wants to make this pedo pairing happens. And it opened a possibility that Sunrise wouldn't go beyond the creator's view/belief by making Rin the Mom in Final/Season2.

Then I have completely lost any respect of her when Sunrise confirmed 100% that Rin is the Mom (pregnant at 14) and will retcon the OG.

She could write 100000000 pages on how she will always see guardian/child in SessRin. She could announce it to the whole world that she was very very against SessRin relationship, but the fact that she HAS POWER to stop it (especially regarding the OG), but she DOESN'T do anything and just let everything happen just the end for me.

Nope, not gaining any respect back from me no matter what she does. It seems like money is everything for her now that she let Sunrise to do anything to her work.

It's a tricky matter. Fans have been wondering how much control Takahashi actually has over her story and characters. She didn't seem overly enthusiastic about a sequel being made, and apparently she was only informed after it was already in the production stage? It doesn't sound like Sunrise cares much about her opinion or blessing.

I'm not making excuses for her, mind you. I realise she's not a confrontational person and I'm told Japanese people in general tend to be a lot more polite than us rather blunt Westerners. But this is her most famous work Sunrise are wiping their lolicon butts with. Is saying she thought of Sesshomaru as Rin's hogosha and posting a pic of her Sesshomaru and Kagura figurines holding hands REALLY the best she can do???

Tbh, I don't think she gives a crap about her past works. It often sounds like she can barely be bothered to answer questions about her own fictional universes and characters! So yeah, I can't say I have much respect left for her either. She let these sickos trash her fans' childhood show. All of us are only here because we loved Inuyasha as kids. What did most of us get out of the Yashahime experience? Triggering content, pedo bs, an awful story, not to mention months of stalking, harassment and bodyshaming by a certain section of the fandom. Thanks a lot, RT.

[mythicaldemigoddess-of-deltarune]

Let Me Make Some Things Clear About My Talk About Pepe Le Pew

in case there was any form of misunderstandings, let me make this very clear as best as I can...

first of all if by some miracle Pepe does get uncancelled and rebooted,

maybe making him have a father who is from the USA, and his mother was from France, and Pepe picked up his accent from his mother and learned how to speak both English and French from both his parents.

but no matter where Pepe would suppose to be from, it doesn’t matter.

no matter where a person is from, they can either be good, bad or neutral.

yeah I get that there are some misunderstandings that involve Pepe, as well as Speedy.

both deserve to not be the target of humans who believe them to be 100% bad.

plus I really think those who didn’t think there was any true change in the characters like Speedy and Pepe, should at least check out the Looney Tunes Show from a few years back,

that is the same show that introduced Daffy’s love interest Tina.

plus there is that other new cartoon that is on boomerang,

that has Pepe in it, and he seems to be wearing a suit and flirts with that fox lady.

let’s say that Pepe was never portrayed as someone who was from france,

but instead was a skunk name Peter, and he was made to be a flirty guy acting the same as he was in his older cartoons, and he acted this way all over the USA, and none of which took place in Paris.

and then years later in the year we live now, those who live in America

start to call Peter The Skunk (who in alternate timeline was created by a man who was from Paris.) a insult to Americans and call it a “R” word culture.

but not all people would feel that way, at least I don’t believe that all people around the world and who live in different places in the said world would view Pepe or that metaphorical Peter The Skunk.

yeah it seems that it turns out that not only Pepe’s aggressive flirting is the problem, but it doesn’t matter where someone is from, they can be that way and it wouldn’t have to do with where they are from.

I didn’t want anyone to misunderstand my words from the other day,

so I wanted to sign back in to try to clear up somethings as best as I can.

Pepe could go from his aggressive advances to a friendly flirting and takes a No when given it once or twice, but could do a friendly wink or blow a kiss, but no longer do the aggressive flirting that comes off as what most humans do in real life.

Pepe and Johnny Bravo might be many things, but they wouldn’t do the disgusting filth some humans would do.

I want Pepe, Speedy and Johnny to be saved from the humans who want to hurt them, I have a dislike for humans, but at the same time I still like the good side of humans....but what humans are doing to Pepe and Speedy (and might go after Johnny Bravo too.)

is added to my dislike of humans, even if I am still human myself,

I am still disgusted by what is happening to Pepe and even Speedy,

who could be given the chance to be less misunderstood,

if rebooted and keep some of their personalities but at the same time

add something to their personalities too.

like Pepe understanding aggressive advances to the gals he becomes smitten with, will come off as uncomfortable and if he isn’t careful, some people,

like the humans in real life, will mistake his only wanting to kiss and cuddle,

as something more dangerous.

and yeah I have a mix heritage, but my heritage wouldn’t have to do with my being a bit weird or my sensitivity or whatever the other parts of myself.

I am still not happy about what I went through a few days ago, which I guess has been a week now, and it makes me wish those who worked on the updates, did a test on a test type computer, before sending it out to everyone.

Pepe is a bit of gal crazy, but no matter where he was suppose to come from, which was thought up in his creation or development...

he would still be that way, even if he wasn’t “Pepe Le Pew”

and went by a different name and lived in Brooklyn.

plus Fifi chases boys too, and Amy Rose was known to chase after Sonic.

so tell me this, what makes it so different...?

sure Amy in Sonic Boom was shown to have mature and doesn’t chase Sonic the same way as she did before, but she may still hold feelings of love for Sonic.

I can only hope that Fifi will still be in the reboot of Tiny Toons, and I do not want humans to ruin it for me and other humans.

Elmyra Duff should at least be given a chance, and get in the reboot too.        

if it wasn’t for the good parts of humans, like friends and family....and other people in this world that live all over the world, that give some hope for humanity...

I believe that if it wasn’t for that, I would 100% hate humanity and be full misanthrope, and if  Ainz Ooal Gown was real and wanted to take over the world, well I might just side with the Overlord skeleton and the rest of nazarick.

even if I am suppose to be a Earth Angel, which my pendulum gave a Yes to,

and is one of the times I don’t think it is playing a prank on me.

but no matter if I was that or not, one can have a dark side that we all try to suppress, and it being from how the world is around us.

like having a dad that ups and left before ya were born,

or have suppress memories that you don’t remember until years later,

and when you try to tell your family about it, they don’t believe that your older cousin would do such a thing, and it makes you question if it was real and if it really did happen or if it was just a warning dream that you had when you were just a little girl, and yet even when you tried to talk to your family about that sicko, at some point, a few years later, you find out that.....older cousin you tried to tell your family about, had did something really bad to someone, that they “hurt” someone....

my remembering might of been for the reason, and if I was listen to, maybe it wouldn’t of happen....at least they are locked up.

I still love my family, but I don’t care much for the one that is still family but

I knew deep down was a monster, I just didn’t know how far it was.

I think it is possible what happen when I was little was a warning dream,

warning me to stay away from them, but at the same time I can’t help but wonder if it really did happen.

I mean before I heard about the Slenderman, I remembered I had this one dream once that had a faceless man in it, and the dream was in the woods

and it had a basket ball court, and I know that I felt hands on my shoulders and me being turned around to face what appeared to be a faceless man.

and I’m pretty sure I woke up scared after that, I guess I am questioning more about if Slenderman existed way before he ended up in the Slender Games.

I guess I want to keep to the whole him being fictional, but at the same time agree with the possibility that he could be real.

so I guess I can admit I’m in between.

and yeah I’m still not happy about what happen some week ago,

I am doing okay so far, so long as I don’t think too much about it I guess.

but I still think humans should at least try a different way to change Speedy and Pepe, and instead of try to cancel them.

still should try to watch the Looney Tunes Show that came on a few years ago,

that has Lola being different from her Space Jam self, and even has Tina in it,

which Tina should show up in other Looney Tunes Shows as well,

not just that one.

also I wanted to wait to say this, but I think I did get permission to go live with the Divine Mother and her handmaidens/Lucifer’s Daughters, well you know like a someday thing.

I asked for the sign for Yes be that it rained, which I think it was March 25th when I asked for that sign.

even if some might take it as a coincidence, I’m taking it as a Yes and Permission, which is good, because even if I did end up going to Heaven,

I would still try to find that edge and jump off of it by my own free will,

even if I am not a big fan of heights, I could just close my eyes...

I did use that whole jumping off of heaven idea on a fan fic.

and well I asked permission through prayer, plus there was a bit more to that prayer too, but ya don’t need to know all of it currently.

plus I am starting to believe that the True Year is 3021, and what we know as “2021″ is some form of a fake year or like a “Neo-Year” that humans from long ago made so to possibly hide some secret.

I mean for all we know, my pendulum could of been truthful about the whole Non-Humans in the video game of Mass Effect, being Real In Real Life.

well my pendulum does pull pranks...

and I still wish to go back in time to March 11 before the incident of the stupid update so I can stop myself from pressing that stupid update again, and I am still gonna hope for that to happen.

well maybe me not really going back in time, more like hoping for some changes during that time to happen, and I don’t want to give up in that happening.

anyway back to the whole Pepe, he could be changed to be less aggressive flirt so he doesn’t get misinterpreted as the type

that most humans are known to be.   

he could be changed to be a friendly flirt, and who does take no for answer, but could just do friendly flirting without doing the past actions he is known for.

Speedy Gonzales could have a change as well, but could make it so that his character is no longer misinterpreted either.

and yeah Johnny Bravo, if he ever gets a reboot, he could be a bit flirting still, but not be as aggressive either.

but at least Johnny and Pepe aren’t the type that would “hurt” women in the way some humans do in real life, and that what makes them worth saving.

plus it isn’t like it is just the male characters that do that whole chasing and aggressive flirting too, Fifi La Fume and Amy Rose were that way too.

and I want those two girls to be protected from humans who would try to do the same thing to them as what they are trying to do to Speedy and Pepe.

I hope some of you understand my feelings, sure even if there are still good people in the world, some do insensitive things and will at times cross the line.

plus it really doesn’t matter where a person is from, how they act and what they do, can be from who they are by their very soul, and sometimes when ya get reborn, you might not end up being reborn in the same country or speak the same language that you did in one of your past lives.

some might not fully get what I’m trying to say or go with this.

anyone can be a good or bad person, or even a neutral,

it wouldn’t necessary have to do with them being like from well,

from either America or even any other place.

ya don’t place blame on toon, just being human, and acting out on his own personality and even having the said Pepe become scared when the girl ends up chasing him instead.

which has happen in one of those old cartoons.

do any humans even try to think that no matter where Pepe could come from,

he could still end up being flirty, but could still have room to grow as a character and become just friendly flirting and no longer be aggressive flirty?

both Pepe, Speedy and Johnny and any characters like them, deserve the chance to grow as characters and to be given a fair chance and to prove they aren’t like the monster men and women that are in real life.

I am still counting the women, because it isn’t just the men that do that disgusting stuff that I don’t want to say what it is.

  I’m going to keep hoping that things get better and Pepe ends up back in Space Jam 2, and if Speedy is going through the same thing, then I hope Speedy will still be in Space Jam 2 as well.

I’m just gonna try to hope for the best for those characters,

and humans start to see the truth.

I’m listening to Lily Allen’s song F**k You.

after I finish listening to it, I will go and play a video game.

I want to try to keep my mind off of what happen a week ago,

as well as the fact some stuff I had saved before might be lost and possibly on the the abomination dark web, which I still hope that my and everyone else’s stuff returns to where they were before that stupid incident.

another way to try to keep my mind off of that day that really upset me,

is that whole taking a nice nap, to sleep it away and try to not let it enter my mind.

  I’m also going to hope that my pendulum is just pulling a prank

and just reading on my worries/fears and using it to prank me,

and no one truly wished for me to have such a experience a week ago.

cause if it turn out to be true, then I will be really mad and would want to try to have a lot of time to myself to try to do the things I like to calm me down.

well and try to do mediation or like sleep it off.

and try to hope that some events from that week will have a timeline change,

and it will give me hope that everything I had saved before, will return.

especially the cute baby kitten pictures I had taken of my second cat.

and if someone truly did wish for me to lose the new work or even the stuff I had saved on to the computer, well let’s hope that it isn’t true and my pendulum is just pulling a prank on me.

but if it turn out to be true, then the one who hoped such bad luck would happen to me, could get a itchy feeling on a part of their body for the whole day and even to the next day.

but since that can’t possibly be true, and my pendulum could be pulling one of it’s pranks, I will try to think of it as bad luck on my part and I shouldn’t of trusted that update.

 I want to believe that Pepe and Speedy will be saved from the humans that wish to hurt them, and they will get rebooted for their own sake because of the misunderstandings that they unintentionally bring about.

even if some of my stuff still ended up still being on the computer,

the much newer stuff was well ya know....

and I truly treasured them, even the pictures of my cute second cat,

which I regret not posting or even saving on a flash drive.

like most of my other stuff, that I don’t want to believe I might never see again.

I want my stuff back, and I can’t stand that they aren’t back.

I want to try to believe that by some miracle they will return.

and who ever came up with that stupid update from the start,

should at least not make it so that they don’t make it seem not very trust worthy, and it could be misinterpreted, I still regret pressing that stupid update again.

I hate the humans that didn’t try to keep that stupid update from coming out,

if that never happen I wouldn’t of let such mistakes happen trying to get my stuff back....like the new drawings, the stuff I wrote and saved on the computer, even the pictures, like one of them being of my second cat.

it would mean the world to me that everything returned how it was before.

but no matter how much I keep wishing for it, it doesn’t seem it will happen right away....and I don’t want to believe it will not happen at all.

that dark thought of it, I want to try to detract my mind from.

about a hour or so ago, I was watching the crossover

that has to do with Shadow and Rouge  ending up in Equestria Girls

and Shadow ending up becoming boyfriend and girlfriend with Rainbow Dash,

it is still interesting, and if I had to do a ship that has to do with that crossover.

I would ship Sunset Shimmer with Scourge, as much as I like Fiona and can understand why she went with Scourge, because of how her so called former team of freedom fighters were, and still believe she could never change.

but Fiona and Scourge’s relationship in canon, could be seen as toxic,

even if there could be some form of attraction between the two, they might not truly be together because they are in love with each other, and their feelings might be only attraction of going for someone that was their type of “hot”

in a fanon crossover, Scourge and Sunset might end up in a non-toxic relationship and show a more positive relationship.

Sunset getting through to Scourge, and making him open up a bit more about his feelings, and how he became who he is in the first place.

I’m not sure if Sunset will ever appear in that crossover of Shadow Meets Equestria Girls.

 even if some villains do deserve what came to them.

I don’t believe that Bradford Buzzard, Cozy Glow, Tirek, Chrysalis,

Hekapoo, Omnitraxus Prime, Rhombulus or even Chara from Undertale,

deserve to be made scapegoats.

Bradford still had some good in him, and if he became a Monster,

it was because of how people kept misinterpreting and hurting him emotionally.

because of his childhood, it is possible he suffers from PTS.

even if Hekapoo, Omnitraxus and Rhombulus had some form of Anti-Monster feelings, there could of been a story behind it, and they could of all changed their minds about it, not just Hekapoo who turned out was seeing a monster, by the name of Quirky, who ended up being killed all thanks to Moon.

because of Moon’s actions and using Rhombulus, Star and Rhombulus’s friendship was broken, and if Star had figured out it wasn’t Rhombuls who was the mastermind but her own mother, maybe she could of kept her Mother from crossing the line of misusing the magic, and keep magic from being the scapegoat.

some fans can clearly see that what Discord did was wrong, even if he was reformed by the kindness and love of Fluttershy, without the misuse of the elements of harmony.

he still ended up having his plans backfire on him, but at the same time he ended up having those three has his scapegoat.

Chara is only truly seen in the Genocide Route of Undertale,

but they never truly say that the Player or Frisk, has to kill any monster in the underground.

that is the players misinterpretation.

Chara is Not Evil in the canon, that is what I and other fans have come to realize and believe, and I am sticking to that belief.

in the Fanon, yeah I will believe that some versions of Chara are evil in some timelines and AU. but in the canon, no they are not.

we know that Kris (in fanon it could be short for Kristopher or Kristine.)

is suppose to be mix of Frisk and Chara.

from what fans can see of Kris’s room, or their shared room with their older brother....it is possible that Kris has some form of neglect, and doesn’t fix up their room to be as great looking as their brother’s side of the room.

plus Kris might have some form of lack of confidence

because of how much everyone praises Asriel, and hardly do so with them.                                  

 perhaps when Asriel does appear in Deltarune, maybe in Chapter 2.

we can learn more about what their brother/sibling relationship is like.

I am gonna hope that my theory about Asriel being a mean big brother and him using to beat up on Kris, and that is one of the reasons they hid under Noelle’s bed, like Kris hiding under that bed could of been to hide from Asriel.

but when their parents separated, Asriel could of changed and started to be a better big brother to Kris, but even if Kris did start to feel more safe and love Asriel, the hurt feelings could still be deep down in Kris’s heart.

like their feelings for Asriel, could still be sibling love, but could also be hate

because of how they were treated, and how Asriel would seem to get special treatment by everyone.

at least Kris has Susie, and possibly Noelle, and even Lancer and Ralsei.

and maybe even Sans’s little brother, not sure it will be Papyrus.

but we will have to wait to see who Sans’s little brother in Deltarune is.

I am gonna try to hope that some of the theories of Kris are non-canon.

but we will have to wait and see what happens in the next chapter of Deltarune.

I’m gonna try not to think too much about what happen this month....

I want to try to keep hoping and wishing everything returns back on how it was before, that some form of timeline change will happen that has to do with this year’s March.

yeah some of the stuff before and after that hurtful incident, can still be around.

all but the mistake of how to fix that problem that happen....

I want to try not to let it get to me too much, or the stuff that is happening with Pepe, Speedy and or if possible Johnny Bravo if he really truly will be next.

and if I have to make another thing clear,

it is this, I hate Toxic-Feminism, it is good to try to fight for rights for gals,

but I just don’t like the toxic side of it.

I know it is possible that one of the reasons for my semi-misanthrope,

also has to do with some jerks who thought what they were doing was for laughs and fun, and couldn’t see how much it was hurting me.

there can be different reasons for different people, to form a semi-misanthrope or full misanthrope and maybe only like the company of animals.

I know I love my cat, and if Slenderman ever tried to hurt my baby....

well if he were real that is, I would show him the real meaning of heck.

I can be protective...plus I think it is best for me to try to do some relaxing me time to try to get the mad or sad out, like either watch a movie or read, play video games or maybe try to lay down in bed and try to relax that way too.

after I do post this up, I’m going to just go back to playing video games.

and try not to think about the stuff that makes me not happy.

one of them being what happen some days ago this month,

that I still wish that timeline will hurry up and change and give me my missing stuff back.

as well as what some humans are doing that is added to my list....

I just need to try to look forward to upcoming fan series of Zim,

like Irken Outcast next episode, though I haven’t seen anything new yet, but things things take time.

and I’m waiting for the Invader Zim A Very Tall Problem.

I’m just guessing, but I think Purple and Gaz might form the friendship type ship.

not all ships are romantic, some are platonic type of love that of course will at times be like romantic but not like the type that will always have the kissing or other type of romance in it.

but I think Purple and Gaz’s future current relationship, might be the forming bond of friendship.

we can’t keep thinking that a ship will be the “romance” type that will have someone say “I ship it.”

if it is a ship that isn’t that, and those in it is like a family found, or buddies or sibling type love.

then it should be “I Fam It” or “I Bud It” or “I Sib It”

if it is just two or more guys who are just friends and aren’t in that romance type of ship.

it should be “I Bro It”, I just feel that the other side of ships need more love,

and one shouldn’t assume that the romance shipping is all there is.

which I think many know this already.

I might sign back on later, or maybe tomorrow or whenever I can.

I still don’t like Pepe or Speedy or even the possibility of Johnny Bravo,

being misinterpreted.

but if rebooting and revamping Pepe and Speedy saves them from the humans that wish to do them harm, because of how they are viewed, well it might be best to reboot/revamp them for their own safety.

Pepe going from his original type of flirting to a friendly flirt that takes a No,

but will still do a passive flirt from time to time, might be the best for his character if it keeps him from being misjudged.

I still think if Pepe had a alternate version of himself, who was given the name Peter and he was created by someone who made him be a flirty American skunk.

but his creation didn’t originate from America, the shoe might end up on the other foot. but it wouldn’t mean that everyone would agree that Peter or even Pepe were bad, just that they get misinterpreted as certain men and women in real life.

yes being a aggressive is bad, which to save Pepe, that will need to change to a friendly passive type flirt, so people will stop calling him the “R” word.

in other words the two types of it....

and like I said before, in one of the older cartoons, when the female ends up chasing Pepe, Pepe is the one who ends up scared and starts to run.

I can only try to hope that everything works out, I’m just gonna try to relax for the rest of the day.

also when you are waiting for a new episode or movie to finally come out,

it is best to be patient, and try to understand these things take time.

either if it’s canon or fan-canon.

at least I had favorite/hearted some stuff on here today on March 28, 2021.

or as it might be 3021.

I could count it being both, even if it might turn out that the true year is 3021.

I still see it as 2021 as well.

I still don’t like misunderstandings where it crosses the line,

I mean some misunderstandings can be okay, because it can be worked out.

but even if Pepe had a different origin, he could still end up being mistreated and viewed by those who believe him to be a monster.

the sooner Warner Bros reboot/revamp him and Speedy, the better.

I just really don’t like whats going on, and I’m going to hope everything gets better soon.

anyway it really doesn’t matter if Pepe was French or not,

I think he would be that way if he did end up being given a different backstory,

and if he was given a different backstory, and was made like how most people view people where I live at....

then some might still share that view but not many.

I want to believe that not everyone sees Pepe like that, and can see that just because he took the wrong way of flirting in his past, he can grow and go from a aggressive flirt to a friendly flirt.

plus ya can’t blame everything on Pepe, even before he was born/created,

and before cartoons and movies, there was sickos in the ancient times who had hurt women.

so yeah Pepe can’t truly be blamed for what happen before he was born/created.

like I said before, I’m gonna try to take my mind off the stuff that has started to bother me this month....and hope some of it will be fixed soon.

when I do update on here again, I might talk about my favorite ships.

like Professor Membrane x Utonium.

I think I am back on the fence with Dexter x Blossom.

yes re-reading the Powerpuff Girls D crossover comic series,

did make me start to love the ship again.

but who knows if that ship will last in the canon of the comic.

Blossom might just get her heart broken, Dexter clearly might have true feelings for the other girl.

also when it comes to the Grim Tales From Down Below Comic Series,

I can’t help but have the weird theory that Minimandy might really be Adult/Future-Bubbles’s daughter.

and Chi might be a fragment from Adult/Future-Blossom’s soul,

and Aku mixed some of his own essence onto the fragment, making Chi be born as the daughter of Aku, but still being technically Blossom’s daughter as well....

another theory I have is that Adult/Future-Buttercup is Chi’s Mother.

well not all fan theories have to be correct.

anyway I really should go now, I still want to play a little bit of video games.

and maybe do some reading later, but not before watching some shows or movies I like first.

I’m gonna try to hope things get back to how they were before that mess about a week ago....and try to make sure to keep my mind off of it, and not let it get to me too much like had been during the first days.

but it doesn’t mean I wont try to hope it will change....

I do not want to go through a third depression, so gonna try to look on bright side and hope that it NEVER comes to that.

so yeah, see ya later, stay safe, and if you do a Geno-Run in Undertale,

don’t blame Chara, and remember reality is illusion, Gaster implants the ideas of the games inside the mind of it’s human creator, Steven Quartz Universe’s name spells out “Sans” if you take out the “S” from Steven, the “A” from Quartz, and the “N” and “S” from Universe.

Underswap Sans, Gir from Invader Zim and Sonata Dusk from MLPFim/Equestria Girls, are the Taco Buddy Squad.

cause you know, all three of them apparently love tacos. 

of course there are different versions of the original tacos.

but would be a dream come true, would be the taco pizza...

where you have pizza, but then you put some taco seasoning in it.

it wouldn’t really be a taco, but homemade pizza that is made like that is the best....well I think it is, but not everyone has to agree with me on that.

Bill Cipher Could Be Starco Child, made from their love and from the leftover magic......or not.

I’m weird and that could be non-canon.

but seriously do not misunderstand my talk about Pepe or any other character, like in my last post before this one.

I am just trying to say that no matter what Pepe’s origin,

he could still be that way but can grow as a character later on and go from the aggressive flirt to a friendly flirt that learns to take a no before his actions cause a misunderstanding.

also I can’t help but view Rarity from MLPFIM,

being part of the Pie family, like her real name being Rhinestone Pie

and her nickname is just “Rarity” and her “Mom” isn’t her real mom

and her real mother being Pinkie, Limestone, Maud and Marble’s Mother. (Cloudy Quartz Pie’s Mother could of been a Unicorn.)

Sweetie Belle could still be biologically Rhinestone “Rarity” Pie’s sister.

but her real name could be rock or gem based.

Bon-Bon’s real name was Sweetie Drops.

so Sweetie Belle and Rarity really being part of the Pie Family,

is my theory and fan head-canon, but it is fine that not many agree about it.

 Crystal Pie could be seen as a possible birth name of Sweetie Belle.

I mean if that theory were true, but not all theories have to be true.

anyway I’m just gonna go now, I can talk more about the theory about Rarity and her sister truly being part of the Pie Family another time.

so yeah, once again see ya later and hope that no one misunderstood what I was trying to point out about Pepe, and I hope both he, Speedy and even Johnny Bravo if he ends up next....

get saved and if rebooting/revamping them keeps them from being misunderstood, then I really hope it helps.                                  

[marai-posts]

Okay so that ending was 100% exhausted developers sick of making Danganronpa games and calling us out for being sicko's who enjoy watching killings games just because they're fictional and don't hurt us personally, which I GET. Trust me, good for them for finally saying "fuck you guys".

And they gave us plenty reason to believe that Tsumugi was lying about the first three games being staged like this one.

So I'm choosing to believe that the Tragedy and everything in the first three games actually happened because coping.

Honestly, thinking that the events of the first three games inspired a show based on it once the world got back to normal is the only way I'll be able to deal with this.

Cause meta shit has always put me off tbh

But since I love Danganronpa and feel bad whenever creations become too popular and it makes it not fun for the creators, I'm good.

I'm okay with this. I mean, it's not perfect and not exactly what I wanted from the series, but that's fine! I can keep my own little perfect canon world in my head where nothing is fictional and everyone is real.

Because the only real reason I'm pissed is cause she suggested my favs weren't real.

Makoto and Byakuya...

Hajime and Nagito...

Toko and Komaru...

THEY'RE REAL DAMNIT

I-It was all real;; there's no way it wasn't;;

please

[supraveng]

Agent of Shield - Chapter 1

This is my first fan-fiction, I appreciate any and all feedback

Summary: You are a relatively new agent at Shield, but not a field agent, apparently that is about to change when you meet the Avengers and they realize you are a valuable asset

Word count: 2168

My phone rang and caused a huge sigh of relief, at this point during the lunch date, I didn’t care if it was a telemarketer, I was going to say it was an emergency and get out of there as quickly as possible.  “I’m sorry, I need to take this” I said as politely as possible as I dig my phone out of my bag. “Hello?”  “Hi, Y/N Miller, it’s Maria Hill, I know it’s a Saturday, but we could really use your assistance on a time sensitive situation.  How quickly can you get to Stark tower?  We have some intel and no one here to translate it for us.” “Girl, you are getting me out of the worst date in history, I can be there in 30 mins.”  I move my mouth away from the phone and address my lunch companion “Oh don’t pout, you can’t think this was going well, you’ve been talking about your mother for the last 20 minutes” I am not in the mood to give Mr. Boring any pretense that I wanted to be there. You could hear Maria try to stifle a laugh before commenting “Thank you, are you in Manhattan? We can have someone come get you?” “Actually, I’m about 5 blocks away, but I’m gonna need some coffee to combat my two-martini lunch if you want the translations to be accurate” I responded as I gathered my things and headed out of the restaurant.  “We wouldn’t have called if we didn’t want accuracy”, you gasp when you heard the voice “Nicky, is that you? This IS a treat!”  I say with a giggle.   “Stop calling me that I will personally have your coffee waiting for you when you arrive, you have 10 minutes” “Thank you Director Fury” I say as seriously as possible. “So what are we looking at here, what language do you need translated?”  “We aren’t sure what language it is, but you would be the expert in that department.   We just received the comm but we don’t have anyone here that can assist, and since you know all languages, you are always our first choice.” “Oh, Maria, flattery will get you everywhere!!”

I arrived at Stark tower 8 minutes later with Fury handing me a rather large cup of coffee and what almost looked like a smile “Thank you for allowing us to interrupt your Saturday”. I smiled at him as I sipped my coffee and followed him into the elevator.  “You are very welcome, I’m glad I was close by, this coffee could have gotten cold if I was anywhere else in the city”.   I walked down the corridor and was led into a conference room, I almost stopped dead in my tracks when I notice Tony Stark and Steve Rogers discussing something at the monitor.  I take a deep breath and another sip of coffee “Well, I guess this is where the party is, I’m sorry I’m late”, both the Avengers turn to look at me and I could have melted right there.  “Sorry to tear you away from your martini lunch, but we could really use your help here” Tony says with a smile.  I glare at Maria “you should warn someone when they are on speaker phone.  Not a problem Mr. Stark, I’m pretty sure this emergency saved me from the reincarnation of Norman Bates.”  Everyone laughs except for Steve who looks a little confused, Tony claps him on the shoulder “I’ll explain it later Cap.  And Y/N, please call me Tony.   The communication came in this morning, but I’m limited to only knowing 6 languages and whatever this is, it’s not one of them.”  “Well, there are approximately 2500 languages in the world, and Maria exaggerated, I’m only fluent in 47, but I will do my best” I respond with a smile.  “You are fluent in 47 languages?” “Yes Captain, unless you count Pig Latin, then it’s 48” I say with a wink.  “Which we don’t, so can we please move this along?” “Of course, Director Fury” I respond as I continue to sip my coffee.   “Are you looking for anything in particular? Or just need a literal translation?” I question as I sit down with a pen and paper before they start to play the recording.  “Well, if you are able to translate, which it sounds like you are the most qualified one in the room, we would want a full transcript of the conversation.”  “Of course, Captain” I smile as Tony starts to play the recording.  “Please, call me Steve”

I begin listening with my eyes closed in order to concentrate on the conversation and pick out the different individuals speaking.   I open my eyes and signal for Tony to pause the recording.  “Um, so it is Xhosa and I’m able to translate but not to question your source, are you sure this is the correct recording?”  I question with a quizzical look.  “Why? What are they talking about?” Fury asks. “Well, please excuse my language Captain, eh Steve, but idiot number 1 is complaining to idiot number 2 about the, um brothel he recommended” I state as I look at the other 4 people in the room. Maria begins to chuckle under her breath but clears her throat as Tony begins speaking.  “What exactly did he say?” I look up, almost embarrassed to repeat any of the conversation in front of golden boy Captain America and smile “Well, he said, and I quote “the whore house you sent me to was awful, I asked for the blonde like you recommended, her bush was too much, she pegged me without my permission, and now I have a strange looking sore on the side of my” I was cut off by Steve “Ok, I don’t think that’s what we are looking for here. Would you mind continuing through the recording and leave out any of the colorful commentary?”  “Of course, please continue the recording” I state as Tony is about to add to the situation, but I just shake my head and grin.  I continue listening for a few more lines when I hear a name “Who is Demetri Makarov?” I ask as Tony pauses the recording again. “They mentioned Demetri.  What did they say?”  Tony asks as he looks over at you.   “Idiot number 2 is telling idiot number 1 that he went to the wrong, um, brothel, that none of Demetri’s girls have a bush and are always kept clean. He has a very strict criteria and only keeps the best, um, workers.  He gets a fresh shipment every month, so any that are dirty are disposed of” I say with a lump in my throat.   My job for SHIELD has never been easy to handle when it comes to the types of criminals I help to expose, but this was a bit more than I was expecting on a Saturday afternoon.  Steve seems to sense my trepidation and places a hand on my shoulder “this is exactly what we need, can you continue, or do you need a break?” he asks.   I take a deep breath and look into his crystal blue eye, which seem to calm me enough to continue “since this is time sensitive, I don’t want to take a break, I’ll be fine”  I nod and Tony continues to play the message.   I close my eyes again and pick up the pen, I listen a little while longer and then begin writing.  When the recording stops, I look up “Wait, is that all you got?   That’s not enough information” I say, almost agitated that they didn’t provide me more details.  “Unfortunately, the transmission cut out, but what else did you get? Anything useful?” Maria asks.  “Well, idiot number 2 went to praise Demetri and his screening process for finding the purest girls of anyone around.  Idiot number 2 told idiot number 1 that he is hoping that Demetri will let him test the merchandise when it comes in on the 20th.  But there wasn’t a location, he didn’t give anything else to work with” I reply frustrated and almost defeated that I couldn’t get more info to help stop this sicko.  

“You’ve helped more than you realize” Tony responds as he goes back to the monitor. “We received the recording this morning and sent out agents for ground surveillance immediately.” “We have 12 days to figure out where Demetri is and where his is taking the women, that’s more time than we usually have” Steve says as he smiles at me. “Thank you for your help, can we contact you if anything else comes in?” he asks hesitantly.  I smile and nod “Of course” I respond as I think, you are Captain Freaking America, you can call me anytime.  Tony clears his throat and catches both me and Steve off guard “Quit flirting Cap, we have work to do.  Thank you for your time Y/N, we will be in touch”

I stand up and turn to Maria who has a huge grin on her face “Here, I’ll walk you out” she states as she stands up and follows me out the door.   As I step on the elevator, I look over at Maria with my mouth hanging open, “Are you ok?” she asks, a little worried by my appearance.  “Yea, I guess, just not how I thought this day would go. First meeting two of the hottest men in NY and listening to a bunch of dirt bags being all giddy about their knowledge of a sex trafficking ring halfway around the world.  My life usually isn’t this interesting” I say with a shrug.  “Well, I think you impressed everyone in that room, you would be a huge asset to the team for this particular investigation.   I can talk to Fury about moving you from your desk job, you are totally wasted there, you know that, right?”  she states as the elevator opens on the bottom floor.  I look at her a bit skeptically, “Maria, I love you, but I am not a field agent, I’m barely an agent at all.  I’m a translator at best and the only reason I got through that whole thing without making an ass of myself was the martini’s I had before I came over.   I don’t think the Avengers would appreciate me needing to be buzzed in order to assist them with actual helpful way.  What is so funny?” I practically scream when Maria is doubled over laughing.  “You need to relax, they were both impressed with you, I mean, who wouldn’t be, 47 languages?  That’s 40 more than Stark and he’s a genius!  You don’t give yourself enough credit.”  “Thank you, but I don’t know how you can work with the Avengers at all. It’s like their hotness level surpasses normal people by 500%, and you don’t even notice” I respond starting to laugh at the entire situation.  “Oh honey, I notice, trust me I notice.  I just pretend they all look like trolls so that I can keep from drooling” she tells me with a small smile.  I snort and shake my head as I hail a cab “I’m not sure my imagination is strong enough for that, but I will try to my best to be professional” I say with a smile as I open the cab door.   Today is definitely not how I were expecting my day to go, I stare out the window of the cab and start thinking about what Maria said.  Helping the Avengers on this case would be scary as hell, but also, probably the most rewarding work I’ve done since coming to SHIELD.  I became an agent to help people, and this situation was probably the biggest impact I would see on these women’s lives, but am I ready?

I reached my apartment sooner than expected and needed some food and relaxation, this day took a strange direction and I knew I need to find a way to process it all without going crazy.  I grabbed some leftover pad thai from the fridge and headed to my bedroom, stripped out of the 4-inch heels and jeans I wore for my blind date then head into the bathroom start a bath.  Pulling out my lavender bath oils and got the water as hot as possible as I munched on the takeout.    I grabbed my phone, opened Spotify and started my relax playlist before slowly lowering myself into the steamy water, then realized I didn’t grab a bottle of wine to help be unwind.  Maybe that was a good oversite, dealing with a hangover is never fun, and if I’m called for another translation, I need to remain professional.  After my bath, I throw on my comfiest robe and plop on my bed with my laptop.  Nothing interesting on social media, I decide an evening of Netflix would hit the spot. A few episodes into The Office and I decide that getting to bed early wouldn’t be a bad idea.  

NEXT CHAPTER

[adobe-outdesign]

A letter to Grant

Anon:

Hey. The other day I sent a message to your… uh, God (not the Jewish God, I mean the sicko who decided that chronic depression should be one of your defining traits) to see if you had some of the same feelings I do. You do. I’ve felt a connection to you for a while, and it is 3 AM in my timezone and I can’t sleep. I guess I’ll tell you about a little dilemma I’m having right now.

My Rover group is getting gun permits this. I suggested it. I suggested it because I want to make sure I have a way out for when my life falls apart.

I’ve dealt with bouts suicidal thought for a little over two years, and attempted twice in that time, although my first attempt was laughably impotent and I’m not sure I can even call it an attempt (apparently people don’t just get over their fear of heights randomly for no reason. I basically stood there half an hour but couldn’t make myself jump). The second time I actually did hurt myself. Thankfully no one found out how.

The thing is, both of those times, it wasn’t because my life had fallen into an irreparable state. I was just in acute distress. I’ve had a lot of periods when I’ve told myself, “no. Not yet. I’m staying alive and petting every dog and sucking up every undeserved drop of my parents’ love until I don’t have a choice. Not yet.” But when I have a gun, I only need to get tempted and do it once and I’ll be dead. I’m kind of scared that I’ll off myself before it’s time. On the other hand, both of my attempts were from before I decided what my time would be.

I guess, how do you deal with your bouts of suicidal thought? Your God (the sicko, not the Jewish one) said that you just don’t have any energy when you’re low enough to consider suicide. Do you have any other, uh… coping mechanisms? When it happens to me, it’s less like exhaustion with life and more like panic that it’s going to fall apart.

I’ve thought about it, and I think what I might do is keep the gun at my parents’ house. That way, I won’t be able to get at it on a whim. I go there two or three weekends a month (I’m a second-year university student and live 90 minutes away) and I’m rarely miserable when I’m there, so I won’t use it until it’s time.

Good plan? Bad plan? To be clear, I’m going to do it regardless, once I fail out of university. I’m just not cut out for life. I’m autistic and my parents think I’m one of the useful, functioning ones, but I don’t think I agree. I’m pathetic and a freak and I have to make conscious effort to act like a normal human. I only have one friend in this entire city because I don’t know how to do people. I barely passed my classes last year- in fact I had to change majors because I did fail one class. I remember how disappointed my father was. He tried to hide it, but I could tell. My mother locked herself in her room. Thing is, that was the exact reaction they’d had when my doctor suggested I go on SSRIs in 11th grade. I was their golden girl growing up and don’t know why I can’t excel at university like I did at high school. They really value education. I’m scared that once I fail out of university, it’ll be like they’re only giving me love because it’s expected of them as parents, and deep down they’ll see me as a disappointment and an embarrassment. It honestly felt like that for a little once I started taking meds, but this is different. It’ll change my life forever and they won’t be able to deny what I really am ever again. I’m going to keep giving university my all to put off the inevitable, but when it happens, I’m done. The gun will just cut down on the courage and pain it’ll take. I really wish my parents could have had a normal child. They deserve it.

Taking the gun course makes me feel anxious. I don’t know why. I guess it’s natural. I’m fearing for my life, right?

I know it must be weird, getting this letter. You must have no idea what to do with it. I really wish I could just tell you it’ll get better, but your God, and your God’s God, have pretty much decided that you’re just going to get more and more miserable until you die (and possibly after you die). But hey, maybe I can let you break apart from that by giving you some advice (I’m already sending a letter to a fictional character from, like, 70-80 years ago, so why not throw out logic entirely?). Here’s my advice: start handing out resumes immediately. And I mean today. Tell Lacie and Shawn to do the same. The second you land something else, run from this studio like the hounds of hell are chasing you. You do not deserve what’s coming for you if you don’t. You are a normal, functioning adult, you are highly intelligent and have amounted to something, and you are wanted in the world for who you are. Read that again. You deserve to come out the other side of this and be happy.

Well, thanks for the advice, fictional, non-existent character I decided to write to at 3 AM. I feel like anyone else would read this and either think I’m being stupid and dramatic (I do feel a little silly saying I have suicidal thoughts when I’ve acted on them so little) or would think I have a serious problem. I’m glad you understand me.

To Whom It May Concern.

I probably shouldn’t be answering this during work, but Joey’s out today and this seemed important enough to prioritize over filing taxes.

Unfortunately I don’t know how much life advice I can offer; the last meal I ate was a box of stale crackers, so there are probably a lot of other people that would be better to ask about to how to handle things.

But if you really want to hear from me instead of anyone else... usually I just take a nap, see? Which sounds underwhelming, but it does help, sometimes. Even just eating something or going outside helps, though I can’t always bring myself to do that.

And make sure to keep anything that might be temping out of the house. I don’t keep any old medications in my closet anymore, and the ones I need I keep on the top shelf so I can’t get to them easily, see? Having a gun around is just asking for trouble, and if you’re writing to tell me this then that means you do want to live, at least a little, right? I know it’s tempting, but so is getting drunk on old fashioneds and passing out in an alleyway somewhere. You don’t see me doing that anymore, do you?

You could also try a therapist or a mental health facility. I don’t know, I’ve heard about what happens in those places and honestly I’m not keen on finding out how I’ll be treated there... but you sound like you’re not from here, or at least not from this time, correct? So it might be okay for you, at least.

And I don’t know much about mental conditions; I know math, not psychology. But if you were normal like everyone else, then you wouldn’t be you, would you? You don’t owe your parents anything, it’s their job to love you regardless. At least, I think it should be, though I’m not a parent myself. Maybe one day.

Finally... well, thanks for that. I don’t really know if I agree with all of it... but thank you. I’ve been debating on quitting recently, it might be worth looking into...

Yours,

Grant Cohen

____________________

Suicide prevention hotline: 1-800-273-8255

Online chat here.

[princeleyjeans]

Fandom talk: Trikey is not a fetish ship

If the tumblr Rads do their job then this saga is not going to last long-- BUT! That doesn’t mean I’m not gonna get the balls jiggling like a lil shit-lord.  ---- Fandoms, the title of said post and what we enjoy stuff within, make friends within, love, enemies, rivals, associates we sometimes chat to if we just happen to be in the same place at the same time and have enough confidence to not run the fuck the other way.  Fandoms, great places, terrible places, sewers for games, movies, books and so on, especially when our biggest internet sewer, happens to be Tumblr.  For the pilot post, I will bring attention to a personal favourite: Trikey.  If you dunno what the ship is: It’s Michael De Santa and Trevor Philips. Classic platonic/kinda not really platonic but god knows they’re too stupid/repressed to say anything ship of mid-2013. Course the name came later.  A lot of people like to shit on trikey for all the reasons you can think of, literally, people will call the ship ANYTHING just to make you feel like shit for liking it cus everyone feels entitled to an opinion these days, even the worst kind of opinions known to man/woman/horse.  One of the big labels of hate is fetishing, fetishing gay/straight/lgbtq dudes and serial killers.  People have used this subject of hate, time and time again to make fans of trikey afraid to shit it out of understandable “I don’t wanna be a fetisher!” and “I don’t want to be seen this way!”  As someone on the extreme end of that argument, back then and to this day, on and off tumblr, I’m here to say a thing, said it back in the day and I’ll say it now.  Matchmaking: two people introduced through whatever means, usually one friend knows another friend and they have a friend who is looking for someone, or maybe a bro is trying to hook his younger/older bro up and he knows this hot chick/dude/horse, you get the idea, two people are thought to be “Good together” and so Dave brings Jim-bob and Mary-sue brings Daisy-fae and the two are like “OMG YOU GUYS ARE SUCH A PERF MATCH! HELL YAW!”  We do this every single day IRL: We ship real people and think nothing of it, nobody is dubbed a “Fetisher” because you brought Tim to the same party with intentions of getting him together with Andy.  Women do this, Men do this, men and women, both, neither, trans, EVERYONE FUCKING DOES IT!  But if you’re online, and the people aren’t actually real, things go out the window.  Now yes, I completely admit and agree that there are really weird/fucked up people online who will and do fetish characters, male, female, neither, both, whatever race or age or even specific gender, age, race, people get really terrible about it and they will defend their actions as “Hey it’s not real”, which no, it isn’t, but when they are showing clear signs/evidence of fetishing, only then, should things be said, and not in the screaming harpy fandom war type of way, no, actually speak to the person, report them, call them out with real evidence you and many others have, or just block them out because sometimes, sickos only respond to a fence built between them and the shit they’re fetishing.  However, just shipping/matchmaking two guys/people, is not fetishing.  Trikey, when it isn’t extreme, is just people/fans, shipping two guys with actual chemistry, when it isn’t extreme, trikey is harmless fun between fans of a video game, enjoying their time like everyone does!  I enjoy shipping trikey, just as much as playing minecraft or sims or writing, more so even!  Actual fetishing is happening every day IRL, in magazines, ads, marketing, business, everything, yes it can be as bad online, but making fans of something out to be the Harvey Weinstein in training....not rational and not okay. Really not okay, dudes.  If you knew actual fetishing, it would disturb you, enrage you, make you want to go out and stop it, not hang around fandoms and taunt/harass people online because omg two fictional people are getting it on or being pushed together out of the same shit we IRL ship Suzy and Dan from the club!  GROW. UP.  Get some brains, googie the meaning of fetish, learn some shit and go make a point of your argument.  Actually defend something instead of screaming at the sky like someone is going to open the clouds and be like “Dudeeeee, you’re so woke”  Because woke people, are out there, are leaving fandoms be and doing something good in the world.  And now, like a woke person myself....I am going to run the fuck away and prep myself for the screaming harpys of tumblr to come destroy me

[comicreliefmorlock]

So here's a fun game. What are, let's say...10-15 pieces of media (books, tv, movies, whatever) that seem to have been made JUST for you? why?

*cracks knuckles*

Surprisingly, not all of these will be Tanith Lee.

…however…

{And this goes under a cut because this is going to be a very long, verbose post. A really long, verbose post.}

1. “Tales from the Flat Earth” by Tanith Lee

These books are essentially like sitting by a crackling fire on a cool summer night beneath the glimmering night sky while a smiling crone cards wool and tells you the stories that come from a time aeons before your birth. I have never in my life found a quartet of books–let alone one book–that have so completely and absolutely captivated me. From the first page of “Night’s Master,” I was gone.

Not only the language–breaking the fourth wall and referring to “words lost when the world reformed itself in the chaos”–but the characters… Azhrarn, the personification of Wickedness who saves humanity with love. Uhlume, the personification of Death who faces a form of mortality and is forever changed by it. Chuz, the walking embodiment of Madness, who is gentle to those under his domain and understands that he cannot understand why he does what he does.

Ferazhin and Narasen and Sivesh and Simmu and Jornadesh and Kassafeh and Zhirem and Azhriaz and Dunziel… Names I have never forgotten because they all but sang to me. A flat earth that holds the best and worst of humanity, often balled into a single person, with Underearth and Innerearth and Upperearth holding gods that have grown so distant they no longer recall humans were their creation at all. 

I have always loved mythology and these books? These are myth.

2. Pan’s Labyrinth -dir. by Guillermo del Toro

I’m not from Spain or know Spanish. I knew nothing about the Spanish Civil War when I first saw this movie. And this was the first film I saw that cemented del Toro for me as the only man I would ever trust to turn Tanith Lee’s books into cinema. 

I love fairy tales, mythology and folklore. And when you read enough of it, you see how bloody it actually is. How terrifying it is to realize that you’re not the only one in the world, humans aren’t the only ones, there are creatures on the midnight side of reality that share space with you. 

And I never really liked the Disney version of fairy tales with “happily ever after” and weddings. 

This movie was literally like watching something I’d imagined for myself. The acting was fucking phenomenal, the sets and costumes were off the hook and the comparison of “fairy tale horror” and “real horror” that overlapped just blew me the hell away.

And Doug Jones… Doug Fucking Jones. I never respected mimes until him and now I give all the respect. Being able to act, to breathe real life into a concept and a costume until it becomes a character you could picture walking through a forest or peering around a corner while not being able to use your own voice OR your own facial expressions is a kind of magic I think does not get enough appreciation.

DOUG FUCKING JONES, LADIES, GENTS AND GENDER REBELS.

3. Fatal Frame - Tecmo

I’m a writer/reader, not a gamer. When I have downtime or I want to relax, I almost always gravitate towards a book instead of a video game. The few games I’ve played purely for my own enjoyment have usually been MMOs and involve roleplaying.

Except for the Fatal Frame series.

Survival horror is my favorite game genre and I lamented when Resident Evil became more “survival action” than survival horror. (Fuckin’ lickers in the original Resident Evil game oh my god.) I wanted a survival horror game that had some meat to it, had something really compelling about it.

And I found Fatal Frame.

I love Japanese mythology. I especially love Japanese ghosts. For some reason–maybe out of sheer novelty because I, being an ignorant American raised near the US-Mexico border, have had little exposure to it–Japanese ghosts are my absolute favorites. Yurei (and the other subclassifications) just have something to them that I haven’t found in other mythologies. I’ve read and reread Oiwa and Okiku’s stories, been fascinated by the concept of the Hyakumonogatari Kaidankai and wanted more of what I found.

Which Fatal Frame provided.

Not only do the game mechanics work beautifully for someone as easily startled as I am, but the story behind each individual game is achingly intense. The intricacy of the interwoven histories, the rituals, the underlying question of “was all this really necessary or was this a priesthood trying to stay in power”… I love absolutely everything about these games. 

4. “The Blue Sword” by Robin McKinley

I’m not going to lie–this book took me forever to actually read. The first two pages were so achingly boring that I had no fucking clue why my mother had recommended it to me.

And then one day, bereft of anything else to read, I flipped through it. I still distinctly remember the line that made me stop and go “wait, what?” – “…your horse tells me where you’ve been…”

me: wait what horses can talk in this? wtf? *flips to the beginning and sits down to fuckin’ read it*

Slogging through those first few pages? Worth it. Because Harry/Hari/Harimad was the first heroine I’d ever encountered that I could imagine myself being. She was too gangly and not particularly pretty and kind of clumsy. She didn’t draw admiring eyes everywhere she went, spent a lot of time going ‘I can’t do this wtf’ and had aches and saddlesores.

Meeting Harry felt like seeing myself on a page for the first time in my life. And seeing someone with flaws like me going through adventure and fighting and succeeding and failing and getting a happily ever after felt like a warm blanket. Like someone had written a book just to tell me: “It’s okay that you’re not beautiful or graceful or soft-spoken and elegant. It’s okay that you’re clumsy and a goof and your hair is fuzzy as fuck because you can be a heroine, too.”

5. “Whoever Fights Monsters” by Robert K. Ressler

No, I’m not a serial killer. :D Nor am I an FBI profiler.

However, after reading “The Silence of the Lambs” by Thomas Harris for the first time in ninth grade, I was fascinated by serial killers. Like… how did they do it? How did they get away with it? WHY did they do it? What kind of person did things like this? I wanted to know so much more and I started grabbing every book on serial killers that I possibly could find.

And the reaction of classmates and teachers who saw my reading material was… less than stellar. Even my mother was vaguely worried about what I was getting out of reading all…that.

It felt like my fascination with serial killer psychology was a flaw in my character that no one else seemed to share. Until I read “Whoever Fights Monsters” and saw Robert K. Ressler talking about the exact same thing. He wasn’t a “sicko” or a “freak” or a “lunatic” or a “killer-in-training” for being fascinated by the psychology of humans who could treat other humans like a moment’s disposable entertainment. 

And suddenly, neither was I. 

6. American Horror Story: Hotel - FX

‘American Horror Story’ is entirely my thing. Interwoven narratives of fascinating (and often awful) people combining “American horror history” with interpersonal storylines? Yes, thank you, I’ll take a dozen.

This season in particular, however, is just more for me than any other. 

Maybe it’s the vampires that are self-obsessed and not particularly powerful but end up with petty grudges and complaints. Or the ghosts that bitch and whine at each other, find consolation together, use Twitter and spend their long, long days doing little more than drinking, smoking and obsessing over their lives and deaths. Maybe it’s the single location with so many years of history weaving together like a book of short stories. 

I love ‘Hotel’ because it feels like Brandenburg to me. I could so easily see the entire season taking place in my fictional city and mentally insert my own characters into the show without losing a single step.

Also Kathy Bates is absolutely glorious and I desperately wish to be a tenth as glamorous as Liz Taylor. 

7. “The Butterfly Garden” by Dot Hutchinson

Books about serial killers? Yes, please.

Books about serial killers told by a victim who barely survived and understands what trauma really means? Yes, please.

What especially got me about this book is my thing for dioramas. The first one I ever remember seeing was in the El Paso Museum of Archaeology (yes, I’m from El Paso, Texas) and it always both frightened and fascinated me. 

^ This one in particular would keep me motionless for ten or twenty minutes at a time, kind of terrified at a house within a building and then absolutely enthralled at a house inside a building.

And the dioramas mentioned in “The Butterfly Garden” were akin to those in “The Cell” –some terrible, awful glimpse into someone’s mind that was visualized and externalized in a permanent way. 

8. “War for the Oaks” by Emma Bull

I love the fae. 

And I also have read enough to know that those sprightly little fucks are terrifying and humans are rarely left unscathed by them.

This book was my introduction to “urban fantasy,” much as Charles de Lint was my introduction to what I consider “mythic fantasy” and a city that felt so much like my own. 

And what was so quintessentially, absolutely me about this book–other than the main love interest being the Phouka :D :D :D–was the underlying theme about creativity.

It’s a driving force, a magic that humans have. It’s uniquely human (as far as we know) and often the only talisman against the dark that we’ve got. With creativity, there’s magic. There’s a spark of something beyond the mundane realities of survival. Creativity is a sword and shield all in one, complete with a lure to bring others along with you.

Whether it’s through music, art, poetry or graphic design, creativity is the actual drive for immortality that pushes us to reach beyond ourselves and touch those we have no possibility of seeing or speaking to in our own short, real lives.

9. Good Omens - Neil Gaiman/BBC

I loved the book when it came out. I didn’t expect to love the mini-series. I especially didn’t expect to love the mini-series for the #IneffableHusbands.

I won’t belabor the point about why this is on my list. The #IneffableHusbands tag on my OOC blog is enough. :D

10. What We Do in the Shadows - Jemaine Clement, Taika Waititi

Vampires who are as absurd, incapable and oblivious as me? Yes. All of my yes. 

Having played the old World of Darkness tabletop games for years--and absolutely fallen in love with them--I found this movie and was in absolute heaven. These are vampires I can actually imagine hanging out with. These are vampires (and werewolves) I can envision walking around a city.

Noble creatures of the night don’t seem real to me (aside from the obvious reasons.) The supernaturals in this movie? They felt like people I knew. Like people I could meet or characters I’d written myself. 

I like the fantastical being put into the mundane--which is why my genre is ‘urban fantasy’ although I have such an eye-twitch about it being all supernatural detectives chasing various pieces of ass now--and I especially love it when the fantastical doesn’t outweigh the mundane.

Imagining vampires vacuuming and riding the bus fits in nicely with my desperate belief (and hope) that the fantastical isn’t JUST imaginary but actually exists. 

{And there, I’m restricting this to 10 or we’ll be here all NIGHT.}

[simblrbreezycakes]

i was tagged by @chippedcupanddustybooks sweet bb. i am tagging @irrelephantsims @magnoliidae @simplymelaninated and anyone who hasn’t been tagged i swear i feel like the last person doing this LOL. heckin long ass questionnaire under the cut.

1. What is your full name? Brianna Leigh [Redacted] 2. What is your nickname? Breezy 3. Birthday? may 4th 4. What is your favorite book series? hmmmm series? idk.... i really like every single john grisham book and they aren’t related but when you have such a niche brand of book i feel like it counts lol.  5. Do you believe in aliens or ghosts? kinda on both. 6. Who is your favorite author? oh whew. tough one right here. idk man, i have a few? but if i had to choose i guezz i would say george orwell.   7. What is your favorite radio station? who tf listens to the radio like det anymore lmfao. i don’t have one. before i listened to 107.1 in memphis in the car sometimes, but i moved so. 8. What is your favorite flavor of anything? i loveeee pineapple anything. 9. What word would you use often to describe something great or wonderful? lit 10. What is your current favorite song? currently really into pink in the night by mitski and also sicko mode by travis scott.

11. What is your favorite word? good ole fuck(in/ed/etc.) i also really like voluptuous and bubbles. 12. What was the last song you listened to? last thing i listened to was another lifetime x nao.  13. What TV show would you recommend for everybody to watch? absolutely check out the good place. also hilda, the dragon prince, she-ra princess of power, criminal minds, law and order (the original), and snapped. 14. What is your favorite movie to watch when you’re feeling down? i used to watch the notebook religiously when it rained/felt upset like shit. but lately i’ve been watching say yes to the dress to combat my depression lol. 15. Do you play video games? yah 16. What is your biggest fear? dying alone and no one finding me. like literally alone not like meta alone “oh no one loves me” like dead ass alone somewhere isolated. 17. What is your best quality, in your opinion? hmmmmm idk that i care a lot about other people? 18. What is your worst quality, in your opinion? all of them lmfao. i’m annoying, i’m physically unattractive, i talk too damn much, i can be kind of a bitch both intentionally and unintentionally, i’m a trash writer, i can be selfish, and i self depreciate a lot (lol see above response “all of them”) and i’m sure that gets on people who love and care about me’s nerves ((but like....i mean it lmfao)) 19. Do you like cats or dogs better? whew tough. prolly cats though.  20. What is your favorite season? winter followed by a tie between spring and fall.  21. Are you in a relationship? nah lmfao.  22. What is something you miss from your childhood? not being so fuckin ugly and depressed lmfao. 23. Who is your best friend? “my person” as greys anatomy stans would say is ivy lynn [redacted] [redacted] but i also wanna shout out my home girl mary (i know you follow me on here), my home girl christina (also follows me on here but she never checks her simblr anymore), my smoothie gang bitches, my NSA bitches (which includes both ivy and mary lmfao), and my memphis as fuck family. honorable mention to loml [redacted] who is skating on thin fucking ice with me right now lmfao. 24. What is your eye color? brown 25. What is your hair color? brown 26. Who is someone you love? don’t make me answer this tumblr gods. 27. Who is someone you trust? all my best friends, my parents, my brother. 28. Who is someone you think about often? fucking murder me @ this question lmfao. my friend kate (RIP) my grandmother grannypeg (RIP) and [redacted] 29. Are you currently excited about/for something? i’m excited to spend christmas in a new country! forging new traditions and all that. 30. What is your biggest obsession? currently i’m obsessed with wedding stuff and mens fashion and how mens fashion such as suits translates into womens fashion. we love a hot lady in a tailored suit amiright? 31. What was your favorite TV show as a child? spongebob squarepants RIP :”( 32. Who of the opposite gender can you tell anything to, if anyone? [redacted] 33. Are you superstitious? kinda i guess? not really about stuff like stepping on cracks breaking mamas’ backs or opening umbrellas indoors but little things about familial traditions. 34. Do you have any unusual phobias? not really a phobia but i have misophonia. i also hate eye shit. like eye violence or anything fuckin around with eyes is a big no from me dawg. 35. Do you prefer to be in front of the camera or behind it? absolutely behind the camera. i used to be a theater kid so like being on stage i don’t mind but when it comes to the spotlight and being filmed??? no no no no no. lemme be a cinnamontawgrowfur all day.  36. What is your favorite hobby? watching movies, playing skyrim (I MISS IT SO MUCH), reading, watching music videos, modern calligraphy/hand lettering, baking (ALSO MISS IT MUCH) 37. What was the last book you read? lol a textbook about developing countries.

38. What was the last movie you watched? i just rewatched the swan princess the other day but in terms of watching something brand new i think it was this tom cruise movie my friend showed us and i thought she said someone else ( i don’t remember now. maybe tom hanks?) it was pretty good he was irish or sum with nicole kidman and they came to the united states and pretended to be siblings but the sexual tension was so fucking high dawg. 

39. What musical instruments do you play, if any? nothing i’m wack and a disappointment to my musically gifted family (my dad and brother)  40. What is your favorite animal?  polar bears followed by giraffes. 41. What are your top 5 favorite Tumblr blogs that you follow? i’m gonna go with my main tumblr because ion wanna hurt nobody’s feelings but i follow a celebs of color page i really love, a fashion page i really love, and a few artists i really love. 42. What superpower do you wish you had? teleportation or shape shifting.  43. When and where do you feel most at peace?  i feel most at peace when it is raining and i’m in my room, everything is clean and tidy, candles are lit, i have nothing to do so the world is my oyster, i have a nice cup of coffee or hot cocoa or tea, and i just am v i b i n g.  44. What makes you smile? seeing my friends, my brother (when he isn’t pissing me off), funny videos of red dead people falling off their horse in cinematic mode, pretty flowers, cute art, round birds. 45. What sports do you play, if any? i don’t lmfao. 46. What is your favorite drink? honestly a frozen margarita no salt. 47. When was the last time you wrote a hand-written letter or note to somebody? a month ago.  48. Are you afraid of heights? absolutely. 49. What is your biggest pet peeve? people chewing with their mouths open and people talking to me like i’m incompetent/assuming i don’t know anything about what they’re trying to talk to me about especially if it is my area of expertise lol. 50. Have you ever been to a concert? hail yeah. many. 51. Are you vegan/vegetarian? nope! 52. When you were little, what did you want to be when you grew up? honestly i don’t know but i have a distinct memory of a bunch of girls in my second grade, yours truly included, wanting to be strippers. and i don’t know why or how this came up or if we even truly knew what stripping meant but. yeah. OH i guess around the time i was in 4th/5th grade i started wanting to be a harvard law graduate and be a lawyer but i gave that up in like high school and then bounced being a lawyer back and forth in my noggin up until i applied for grad school. shout out to my mary for doing it though.  53. What fictional world would you like to live in? hmmmm idk. none of em really. 54. What is something you worry about? if i made the right decision(s) in life lol.  55. Are you scared of the dark? not really.  56. Do you like to sing? yeah i do! doesn’t mean i’m good at it though haha. 57. Have you ever skipped school? yeah lmfao. 58. What is your favorite place on the planet? i miss Rwanda a lot. but honestly my favorite place is wherever the people i love are. my family loves to travel so whenever i’m with someone i love sharing an experience? i’m in heaven. 59. Where would you like to live? idk anywhere i guess. somewhere it is mostly cold most of the time though haha. 60. Do you have any pets? my bb boi fred lives with my dad and my mom has a dog and 2 cats. we used to have 3 but one of em ran away when she moved to her house, we caught him, he ran away again. oh whale. 61. Are you more of an early bird or a night owl? oh a big time night owl. big time. 62. Do you like sunrises or sunsets better? honestly i like sunrises better but i am never awake to catch em hahah. 63. Do you know how to drive? yah and i fuckin love doing it. 64. Do you prefer earbuds or headphones? i prefer headphones. like really quality ones too. but i tend to use earbuds more often because i don’t need quality while im working out or going to class just easy grab and go. 65. Have you ever had braces? nope but i used to want some so bad. 66. What is your favorite genre of music? i love rap, dream-y pop music and dream-y rap music, i love 80s music. all 80s music really lmfao.  67. Who is your hero? mi mum and mi dad. also viola davis queen of inventing acting and every single color in the rainbow. 68. Do you read comic books? kind of. i was trying to build up a collection before i moved but i only had my BP comics. 69. What makes you the most angry? injustice and offensive ass content and behaviors. also don’t fuck with my friends. i got two dudes on my shit list right now that it is *on sight* if i ever see them again. 70. Do you prefer to read on an electronic device or with a real book? a real book all the way. idk what it is about digital reading my brain shuts the fuck down. i am super fast reader but the second i try and read something digitally it takes me maybe like 10-15 min to get through just a few sentences. 71. What is your favorite subject in school? history lol i was a history major. 72. Do you have any siblings? yeah my chicken nugget puppy brother dylan. asshole. 73. What was the last thing you bought? some historical romance i think? it’s in dutch so idrk.  74. How tall are you? 5′7 i think. 75. Can you cook? yeah i love cooking but saddly don’t do much of it. 76. What are three things that you love? my teddy bear my momma got me for valentines day, my st. agatha figurine, and my yikes tapestry mary got me. i realize now after reading the next question you probably meant like shit in general so. the smell of a fresh cup of coffee, snuggly warm sweaters, postcards and tiny gifts from friends. you know the ones “i just got this for you because i thought you’d like it” 77. What are three things that you hate? funky ass attitudes, the smell and feel of lavender oil, corn. 78. Do you have more female friends or more male friends? female 79. What is your sexual orientation? i’m a big ole heterosexual. sorry to disappoint :/  80. Where do you currently live? the netherlands. 81. Who was the last person you texted? my friend and former roommate. today is her birthday. 82. When was the last time you cried? like an hour ago lmfao. 83. Who is your favorite YouTuber? i don’t have one haha. vevo i guess. 84. Do you like to take selfies? do i like taking them? not really. it takes me too damn long to get one that looks good enough. i like sending stupid selfies to friends though. 85. What is your favorite app? i use twitter probably the most but my favorite app is my spider solitaire game haha. 86. What is your relationship with your parent(s) like? we are very close. i would say both of my parents are my biggest supporters and cheerleaders but how they do that looks a bit different. my mom and i are very similar but sometimes how we handle certain things is very different so we can be the best of friends one day and the completely butt heads the next. 87. What is your favorite foreign accent? i loovveeeee a scottish accent and an irish accent. also tbrh i love a good southern boy drawl. like idk if i could play for you all the way this one dude who works with my mom talks? i would because i wanna bottle it and listen to it whenever i feel bad. 88. What is a place that you’ve never been to, but you want to visit? i would really like to go to norway for my birthday. 89. What is your favorite number? i don’t have one. 90. Can you juggle? nope but i did try and learn i have a video of it somewhere lmfao. 91. Are you religious? kind of. i’m more spiritual than religious and lowkey hate saying that because it sounds so hoitietoitie but it’s true. 92. Do you find outer space or the deep ocean to be more interesting? the ocean. so much of it we haven’t explored. thinking about space makes me feel existential and dead inside.  93. Do you consider yourself to be a daredevil? nah haha 94. Are you allergic to anything? yeah i’m supposed to take one claritin a day but like i don’t. 95. Can you curl your tongue? yeah 96. Can you wiggle your ears? nope :(  97. How often do you admit that you were wrong about something? i’ll admit i’m wrong if i’m actually wrong but you’re gonna have to a helluva lot of convincing to get me there lmfao. though if my being “wrong” has caused harm to someone else i’ll apologize quicker than lightning because the last thing i would want is for my stubbornness to hurt someone i love. 98. Do you prefer the forest or the beach? um the mountains 99. What is your favorite piece of advice that anyone has ever given you? "never turn down a date. you never know who you might meet while you’re out” -my grandmother to my mother to me. 100. Are you a good liar? lmfaooooo i am a reformed liar. 101. What is your Hogwarts House? HUFFLEPUFF BAYBEEE 102. Do you talk to yourself? yah 103. Are you an introvert or an extrovert? an introvert. i may be loud and talkative sis but i promise you i’m over compensating because i want you to like me lmfao. 104. Do you keep a journal/diary? i have a private twitter does that count. 105. Do you believe in second chances? depends. 106. If you found a wallet full of money on the ground, what would you do?imma keep it real with you chief i would keeps the money lmfao. in the past i would’ve tried to return it to the owner but i am big broke bois with a lot of unexpected expenses coming up so like... yeah lmfao. we keepin that coint. 107. Do you believe that people are capable of change? sometimes. 108. Are you ticklish? yes lmfao 109. Have you ever been on a plane? yeah! 110. Do you have any piercings? yah i got my lobes pierced one on each ear, my nose, and a cartilage piercing. 111. What fictional character do you wish was real? my girl nancy drew. 112. Do you have any tattoos? yeah i got 2 of em. 113. What is the best decision that you’ve made in your life so far? idk lmfao. probably when i applied for cityterm and when i appled to go back to undergrad. 114. Do you believe in karma? Yeah but not in a “oh you hurt me? you’re gonna get your come uppins” way but in a every action affects your soul and your being kinda way.  115. Do you wear glasses or contacts? im supposed to wear glasses but ask me if im wearing em right now lmfao. 116. Do you want children? presently i don’t see myself wanting or having kids but i want to foster. 117. Who is the smartest person you know? my friends lol. 118. What is your most embarrassing memory? literally every single memory has a tinge of embarassment lol. but probz when i walked into the cafeteria my first day of highschool as a smol freshman and my knees locked up and i fell forward and my giant ass backpack (because i never used my locker ever in any grade) wrapped around my neck and had me stuck in a strange position in the middle of the parting of the tables in the cafeteria.  119. Have you ever pulled an all-nighter? hell yeah lmfao. 120. What color are most of you clothes? blue or black 121. Do you like adventures? yeah! 122. Have you ever been on TV? yeah but like on the news and shit. 123. How old are you? 24 124. What is your favorite quote? i carry your heart (i carry it in my heart) 125. Do you prefer sweet or savory foods? OOF TOUGH BUT UHHH probz sweet.