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splonk-fox · 2 months ago

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Animation vs. Minecraft: The Problem with Meta Storytelling

With the continued growth of the Animator vs. Animation Fandom alongside the recent release of Animator vs. Animation 11, I've started to see more and more people come out the woodworks to criticize the problems with Alan's storytelling. Whether it be his overuse of sad character backstories, or the harmful implications that arise from how its only two female characters are portrayed, and while those are all valid concerns, the biggest issue I have with the series arises from something far more systemic than simply the characters itself, and it all starts with this.

This right here is a screenshot from the 30th episode of the Animation vs. Minecraft Shorts episode "The King", specifically the moment when King Orange discovers the existence of the Color Gang.

Now, you can say a lot about how King Orange's backstory is kind of an Ass Pull from a storytelling perspective, but I'm not focusing on that today. Rather the thing I want to focus on is what this scene means for the Beckerverse and, more importantly, how this is possibly one of the worst uses of meta storytelling I have ever seen.

To give context for those unaware. What you're seeing here is a scene where, after failing to make any progress finding the Minecraft Game Icon that he's looking for, King Orange stumbles across a monitor playing the very first Animation vs. Minecraft episode. Specifically it shows the moments where the Second Coming and his friends are using the game icon.

This right here is how King Orange discovers not only the existence of the stick gang, but also the fact that they have the thing that he is looking for, which leads him to putting up wanted posters for the main five in hopes of someone knowing who they are, said action leading to Purple and King Orange meeting for the very first time.

Basically, had it not been for King Orange stumbling upon this computer playing the very first Animation vs. Minecraft episode, literally none of Season 3 would've happened.

Now you might be asking yourself, what exactly is the problem with this? So what if these videos exist both in and out of universe? This is far from the first work of fiction that will utilize elements of meta to tell their story, and you would be correct in saying this. But here's the problem with.

Despite what this episode would lead you to believe, Alan's videos do not exist in-universe, as a matter of fact, I'd argue that Alan's entire channel is not an in-universe entity. How do I know this?

What you're seeing here is a scene from the second episode of the third season of Animator vs. Animation entitled "The Box". In this scene, the Second Coming has just discovered the events of the Showdown, more specifically, the moment he goes all Deus Ex Machina on Dark and completely obliterates him using powers that he... basically pulled out of his ass if I'm being honest here.

(Here's a screenshot of what happened in that episode for context)

This moment is pretty clearly established as Second finding out about his powers for the first time. It's pretty clear that he had no idea he even did this and this is how he learns about what happened in that episode.

But, if you've been following what I've been saying at this point, you might realize a flaw with this. That being how on Earth does Second not know this?

With how AvM Episode 30 establishes these videos as existing in-universe, surely the events of The Showdown would also be documented correct? How does Second not know that he went sicko mode on Dark when he has access to said information through the internet?

Simple really, The Showdown does not exist as a video in-universe. The events of that video are not documented. Second can't possibly know this because in his world, because this video doesn't exist.

Throughout every single AvA/M episode that has been posted, not once have the characters ever established to know that they're in a YouTube video or that they have access to videos of their own adventures.

This becomes even more cut and dry in the Influencer Arc. Where after Green creates a YouTube channel and begins interacting with commenters. I can't find the exact reply where he says this, but I do recall him being asked about the events of Showdown and having no idea what the comment talking about.

Regardless of if it is acknowledged or not. It's pretty clear that Alan's YouTube channel, the one we all know and love, does not exist in this universe. Not only is it never brought up as a prominent element of in-universe Alan's characterization, but none of the characters seem to have access to knowledge outside of what they themselves experience in the episodes they appear in, which is honestly for the better. It prevents plotholes like the one I mentioned above about how Second doesn't know about what he did in Showdown because he has no recollection of what he did while he was awakened.

Now... with the knowledge that the AvA/M episodes aren't supposed to exist in-universe... can you see the problem with this scene?

In this one moment alone, Alan has singlehandedly shattered what seemed like a pretty comfortable boundary. He has established that actually, these videos do exist in-universe and are important to the AvA/M storyline.

This single scene here raises so many questions, none of which really have sensible answers.

How did this video even end up on this monitor? Who was recording it? None of this would be a problem if this series hadn't already established that none of these aren't supposed to be viewed as in-universe YouTube videos that the characters can go back to. That's a boundary that, in my opinion, was pretty clearly set with the existence of AvA Season 3 because if it wasn't, how on Earth is Second only finding out about his powers now?! Has Alan just been keeping the fact that all of their experiences are recorded a secret?

But that in it of itself also doesn't make sense, because all of the events of AvM happen without Alan's involvement. What is he just recording his computer 24/7? Why?

It makes absolutely no sense for Alan's channel to exist in-universe because that would create a metric fuckton of plotholes, and the thing is, I think Alan knows this. I think he knows that making these videos something that occur in-universe can easily break everything, which is why his YouTube channel and videos are never actually acknowledged as an important narrative piece.

Now, you might argue and say that this isn't actually the first time Alan has done something like this. We also see this happen in the Showdown.

Here, we can see, clear as day, Chosen and Dark fighting on a Desktop that is not only playing the exact video they are currently in, but also shows Alan's other animations in the sidebar. So if AvM appearing as a video in episode 30 is such a problem, why isn't this?

Simple really. This scene is not important to the overall narrative. In-universe this is just one of the many areas that Chosen and Dark fight in and it only lasts a few seconds. It's pretty clear to me that this isn't actually meant to canonize Alan's YouTube Channel and videos as much as it is just a neat little visual gag. It is not meant to be taken as some sort of massive lore reveal and is literally never acknowledged beyond those few seconds of fighting.

This same logic also applies to Animation vs. YouTube. Yes, Alan's YouTube account is seen here and Second and Green do stumble upon the first Animator vs. Animation, but again.

This moment is not established as a serious story moment, it's just a fun little reference that is quickly glossed over because you aren't supposed to think about it too hard. It has no bearing on the lore of the AvA universe, it's just there as a cheeky moment of the series acknowledging what it is while not having it play any part in the story itself.

This moment however, cannot simply be dismissed as a fun little reference, because it is literally the entire setup for how King Orange discovers the existence of the Color Gang, which inadvertently leads to him meeting Purple, thus leading to the events of AvM Season 3. The first Animation vs. Minecraft being a in-universe YouTube video is a crucial aspect of this story because without it it wouldn't have the pieces necessary for the rest of the season to function.

This is such a clumsy use of meta storytelling because it now establishes a precedent that all of the AvA/M episodes, or at the very least, the first AvM are in fact in-universe YouTube videos that anyone can watch. But if that's the case then how does Second not know about his powers? How do literally none of the characters know about these in-universe events when they apparently have access to videos that show said events from a third person perspective?

Perhaps you could argue that what we're seeing here is actually footage that Rocket Corp was secretly recording in order to get information on Alan. I mean, the monitor does have the Rocket Corp logo on it. So perhaps they had been secretly recording Alan's PC the whole time...

Except that doesn't make any fucking sense either.

Going back to the Box for a second, beyond Victim beating the shit out of Chosen for the sake of vengeance, he was also trying to pry Alan's location out of him. He wants to know where Alan is so that he can take his revenge, which tells us that he doesn't actually know the location of Alan's desktop. So you can't possibly say he was secretly recording footage of Alan's computer the whole time when in order to do that, he'd have to first know where Alan's computer actually is, which he doesn't.

So basically, no matter what way you dice it, there is no feasible explanation for how this...

makes any sort of canonical sense. It can't be the doings of Rocket Corp, and if Alan's channel and by proxy all of his animations are in-universe YouTube videos, then moments like the Second Coming discovering his powers for the first time in AvA Season 3 don't make any sense either.

To me, it's pretty clear that Alan inserted King Orange finding out about the Color Gang through the first AvM video with very little forethought as to what this would mean for his universe. He tried sneaking in a self-reference and ended up creating massive plotholes that are very hard to dig himself out of. This right here is an example of what happens when you decide to insert elements of metafiction into your work when you don't actually want it to be a metafiction.

Alan wanted to have his cake and eat it too. He wanted to add elments of fourth wall breaking into his story without actually wanting to go the full mile. He wants to simultaneously write a story where his YouTube channel and the fact these are all videos that people can watch have no bearing on the story itself... while also making it so said videos are a crucial element of the plot. Perhaps something like this could've worked with better execution, but as it stands this is just incredibly sloppy storytelling and shows me that, at least with AvM Season 3, Alan didn't actually have a proper boundary for how he was going to incorporate meta elements without them completely destroying the foundation of his story in the process.

Let this be a lesson in meta storytelling. You need to set boundaries so that you don't break anything. I should note that Second finding out about his powers occured after the events of AvM Season 3. Which tells me that Alan himself probably realized the mistake he made in doing what he did and is going to try much harder in the future to separate the reality of our world, and the fictional narrative he is looking to create.

#animator vs animation #animation vs minecraft #alan becker #rant post

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ar3s-r4t-qu33n · 9 months ago

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Idfc if he's real or not, he's still worse written than Eddie. Also the problem is in his fans that are making him no guilty, innocent baby and always refering that Coyle/Eddie/Everybody else im outlast are the same. And if you think it'll work, try to compare Walker (with PTSD after war) with Franco (who is just a sicko). Anyway Barbi's simps are way more agressive than any other fans when you say something bad, what's a fact, about a grown ass man. I feel like those people are just little kids who are getting upset after school and shouldn't play the game ;) When I see all those comments with "He'S mY PoOkIE" I'm getting sick... Ya'll should get a brain

Guys look!! I got one!!

You don't deserve a response, because if you were old enough to be playing Outlast, you would be able to figure out that shaming people for (checks notes) liking a fictional character in a horror series? Is plain stupid.

It would also serve you well to maybe do some spell check before you come into my asks like this. I'd take you more seriously if you maybe drafted this one more time, but here we go:

First of all, you don't know me. You can check out my like, five posts and see that only two of em are Franco related and none of them baby him. In fact, I don't think I've seen a post yet by anyone who says "Franco is a sweet, innocent baby who did no wrong" because... That's the point. He's interesting BECAUSE he's done shit wrong. We are playing Outlast. Everyone is complex and awful and interesting. Just because not every post is marked with a little footnote that says "oh by the way everyone, Franco is a bad, bad man 🥺 I don't support his actions, I'm not a Franco defender, I just wanted to draw him being silly 🥺" doesn't mean we're all out here claiming he's a saint. The fact that he's a fucked up lil guy is why we like him. I feel like that's a given with all Outlast characters? But that's just me after being a fan of this franchise for years now, idk, being able to step back and analyse a community to see what they enjoy about something is quite a fun and easy task, I recommend giving it a try instead of coming into "loser nobody who has been on Tumblr for like a week's" asks to complain to me like I can put all the Franco fans in the corner until they learn to interpret characters the way you have decided is objectively correct.

But even if they are "babying" him and apparently ignoring that this is the Outlast series and Franco is a character from Outlast... Oh no! What horror! Someone is misinterpreting a VIDEO GAME CHARACTER what a terrible and unique crime!

Franco "just a sicko" Barbi was abused and neglected by his father, his mother was murdered, and he only ever received affection after he killed someone. But yeah, he was just born fucked up whereas every other Outlast character earned their trauma and the right to kill the player. What a senseless and just untrue take and I'm sure you know that, you just want to complain because that's all you people like to do. You want to feel morally superior over someone because you don't understand why they feel the way they do instead of just moving on and ignoring them like any other sensible adult would. Because who's actually getting hurt if some people think Franco is their lil Pookie? Is it you? Does it cause you psychic damage? Because last I checked, this is the internet. We are responsible for ourselves, so unless somebody is actually hurting anyone...

Block the Franco tag. You are brave enough to type out this whole message to a stranger online and act morally superior because comparing which video game character deserves the right to kill you is THE most mature thing in the world, so you're definitely brave enough to block the tag and move on.

You are responsible for what you see online, but ESPECIALLY on Tumblr, it is so so easy to hide content you don't want to see, and mind your own business. Quite frankly, I don't care if I come across as aggressive here. You came into my asks about a tag/fandom you clearly aren't in trying to act like you're better than the rest of us. That's pretty damn aggressive, wouldn't you say?

This is Outlast. A game about fucked up guys doing fucked up shit, and we love them for it. If that is too much for you, if the mommy issues gangster is too crazy for you but Eddie and Trager and Knoth and Coyle are completely fine, no questions asked? I don't think this series is for you. Sexual horror is a staple of Outlast. Childhood trauma is a staple of Outlast. You can't be shocked when people respond to a new character in a video game they like.

YOU are not better than me because you like Chris Walker and I like Franco Barbi. I can't believe you need to be told this, we are all in the same uncomfortable freakshow cesspit that is The Outlast Fandom, no one is morally good. No one is better than anyone else. You cannot claim moral superiority over any character because at the end of the day, I can point to Wernicke and say with my full chest that he is objectively the worst because he's a literal nazi, and what then? Are you going to tell me that Franco is worse than a nazi? The debate is over, in the list of "who is the worst of these awful people", Wernicke wins hands DOWN. The point is null because EVERYONE SUCKS HERE!!! THAT'S THE POINT!!!!

Is that enough for you? Or are you gonna keep harassing people through your alts or getting your friends to do it? I can go alllllll day, baby, you ain't making me feel bad about my interests in the O U T L A S T fandom, dear GOD, this is ridiculous. Don't fucking condescend me, telling me to "get a brain" you don't KNOW ME, I am a stranger to you, why do you feel comfortable coming onto my blog harassing me about a video game character? That's not a good look for you and now it is immortalised here. Anonymous or not, you still did this. Whoever you are, you typed that out and sent it to a random person you do not know and felt comfortable enough to do so.

That's weird.

#franco barbi #so when is this guy gonna get tired and finally leave us alone??#i thought blocking the main account would do something but hey ho #and if you're not that person or an associate of theirs than this is just embarrassing #media literally is a skill sweetheart #and its fine that you haven't learnt it yet #but mind your own until you do or you're old enough to realise that none of of this matters #dear GOD this discourse is something else #if Franco was hot i wouldn't hear a peep from y'all

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maximumzombiecreator · 8 months ago

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I have a question about mapping the dungeon - all the games I've been a part of that weren't theatre of the mind had the GM prepare and draw the maps, both for encounters and dungeon exploration, typically on a whiteboard or dry erase mat. What are the pros and cons on having players map out the dungeon instead? How is this handled for OSR dungeon crawling typically? I can foresee miscommunication and distraction leading to incorrect maps - how much should the GM intervene in these cases? Does player mapping slow down the game?

Typically, OSR games will have someone assigned to be the mapper, both literally, in terms of drawing the players' copy of the map and within the fiction, having their character (or a hireling) doing the mapping. In most systems, the rate of movement through the dungeon includes mapping as part of what the party is doing (hence why if you look at the actual pace of movement it's really slow.) This means that in situations like fleeing from enemies, the characters are not able to map and the GM won't give them things like measurements, just a vague sense of what they see. Similarly, it's often something that a character does while exploring a room. Someone will investigate the interesting thing, someone will keep watch, someone will be mapping the room.

Now, if you're running on a grid, then I think it's pretty much essential for the GM to draw the maps when they're needed for combat. There's no sense adding a game of telephone into the mix every time you're setting up for a fight. In this case, I think you can either just accept that the party gets some free detail when they get into a fight, or you can go all the way and just have the GM provide the map that the characters draw.

For the most part, the decision whether to do manual mapping depends on if it's a type of gameplay that you care about. Because it is gameplay. Classic D&D dungeon maps often contained elements designed to confuse and frustrate mappers. Dwarves have the ability to detect slopes in passageways specifically because dungeons would contain features like that so that the party could switch levels without knowing that they had. In that sense, incorrect maps are a desirable outcome.

Typically, a GM will only want to intervene if something has gone unfairly wrong. If the map of a room or section is so wildly incorrect that the in-world character couldn't reasonably have arrived at it, it needs to be corrected. But for small mistakes (or just tricky dungeon design) your mapper could potentially end up sitting, staring at their map, trying to puzzle out what's gone wrong so that they can find their way back to the surface. Certified map sicko (affectionate) Dyson Logos has even made Mapper's Challenge dungeons that really put this skillset to the test.

And this can lead to some really great moments! Good mapping can be a way for the party to find secret doors and rooms, with their mapping leaving conspicuous gaps for them to look into. Likewise I've had players figure out based on their mapping that a wall was thin, and opt to mine through it in order to circumvent a difficult fight. In classic dungeons, partial maps were also often part of loot. This might include treasure maps, as well. A fragmentary map that shows a secret treasure will have the mapper scrambling to figure out how it fits into the map they have so far.

It does slow down the game, but all gameplay slows down the game, right? That said, I think it's a form of gameplay that works best if there are players who are going to engage with it enthusiastically. If the party is going to be in the position of forcing someone to be the mapper, it may be better just to work collaboratively with the players to keep an accurate map of what they should have been able to map so far. But if the players are into that gritty kind of playstyle, where the characters might be sitting in a dank hole, looking at their scribbles, trying to figure out how to make their way home? It's great, it's honestly fantastic.

#ttrpg #tabletop roleplaying #tabletop gaming #dnd #d&d #ask #advice

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monsterfactoryfanfic · 3 months ago

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apologies for hijacking your post jack

I would really love to foster more cultural production in the indie rpg scene. And that's kind of a pretentious way to say "fandom," but it's kind of why I've been harping about indie creators making their own fiction and lore over on bluesky.

A "problem" with indie RPGs is that they are relatively easy to produce quickly, and there's a lot of them. This means that it's difficult for any one game to gain traction. We see a similar problem with videogames these days, where too much great shit is coming out and discoverability on Steam (or in our case, itchio) is a gamble. To OP's point, I think it's less that people are afraid to engage with other people's work for fear of burying their own, it's just that there's so much stuff all the time that everything gets drowned out.

To Jack's point, it is also hard to get new people into indie RPGs. You generally need to be able to gather a group of people to play them, which introduces scheduling conflicts. You often need to introduce people to the concept of playing an RPG, which is a struggle in itself. And then you have to teach them a game, which depending on your system, could take a while to master.

I don't think I have a great solution for this "problem," but I do have some theories about how we can help move the "RPG Overton Window" to get new people into the hobby. And that's where cultural production comes in.

Go deep on your 30 sickos: It's common advice in the indie scene to pick a few designers that you consider peers (as opposed to established ones who already have an audience) and get invested in their work. This can mean boosting their self promotions, but it also means actually scheduling games with them, or inviting them to play with you. Forming a little niche of fellow designers you really like, IMO, is really neat because you get to watch each other grow. This is genuinely the reason I'm in the hobby, this is not Survivor, I am here to make friends.

Treat your favorite games like they're hot shit: I spent the back quarter of last year writing short stories about various indie rpgs I love. This is essentially fanfiction, but the point is that I've used the thing I'm best at (writing) to invest in someone else's fictional world. If you're a designer, consider making a module, expansion, or setting book for a smaller game, and then play that with other people. If you're an artist, post fanart of your favorite game and flood the tumblr/AO3 tags. If you're a blorbo sicko, same principle, write up insane theories and headcanons about your PCs, and speak about them the way people talk about Severance or *checks trending tab*...Hazbin...Hotel? Whatever's popular, that's what I mean. You can become the critical mass that fandom forms around for a game. Even if that game's fandom is only a handful of people, I think it is worth building.

Cross-Medium Conversations: This is the hardest one, and I do not expect any but a handful of people to go this road. But in a media ecosystem that is so highly fractured, people are ever more frequently turning to youtube, tiktok, and podcasts to get recommendations. And believe me, I fucking hate being a Youtuber. But if you are willing to try to reach a hand out to the normies, meet them on their chosen ground, you might be able to reach some of them. YT and TikTok are useful for marketing because their algorithms can sometimes push you in front of new (and, admittedly, irritating) people who might just be interested in an indie RPG. The reason I've had any success on YT is because people like video essays. They see a 40 minute timestamp and they get excited, because that's a format they're familiar with. Combine that with another piece of media that they may already be familiar with, and you can hook them into an RPG that they would probably like! It's a pain in the ass, it really is, but unfortunately you gotta meet people where they're at, and a lot of them are at "I don't know what to look for, but I'll watch something if it gets shoved in front of me."

It's fucking hard out here. But the people I've met in the indie rpg space are, generally, kind, funny, hardworking, and expand my understanding of the world. And I think if we treat our art form with the gravity it deserves, and consciously try to invite new people into it, like one tries to domesticate a feral cat, we might be able to expand the hobby.

Art Communities and TTRPGs

I recently read an article by @toyourstations (which you can read here) about art revolutions, both online and in physical space. It makes the point that art communities online are generally fairly insular, rarely reaching out beyond a small circle of other artists. To combat this, the article argues that you as an artist should find a way to exist in physical space around people who are not in your small group and share your art there. It's a topic that I had been thinking about a lot lately as I've been making a conceited effort to connect more people in the indie ttrpg space and encourage more community amongst artists.

I've noticed a trend that relates to both of these topics. It seems to me that people in the indie ttrpg community online rarely interact with other's works. I see in other art mediums an outpouring of interaction on even the most sophomoric works. Yet amongst ttrpg writers, I see posts of well made projects with little to no interaction or feedback. This is purely subjective and my experience may be skewing my view on the topic but it seems to hold true.

I have a few theories.

This is obviously a fairly small community, but there are at least other artists here that would have opinions about the projects they see. Are people scared to interact; to give criticism, both good or bad? You would think in such a small community of creator/artists that people would be sharing ideas and writing critique.

The most cynical theory is that creators don't want to boost up other projects as they see them as competition. There is a feeling that there is only enough oxygen in the room for one or two projects to exist and you don't want to lift up other projects when it may result in the starvation of your own.

There is also the time investment. It takes time to read and interact with ttrpgs. Playing/testing them is a whole other level of commitment. But there must be some people who at least read or skim projects. Why do they not leave comments. Does it really come down to the size of the community? Are there just not enough people interested in projects outside of their own?

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I do feel that I need to state that this opinion is not a reflection of my personal project's engagement. I am fairly happy with how they have performed considering my size and reach. This frustration is mostly a product of seeing other projects and artist gain zero traction when I think their projects are worthwhile. This also goes beyond Tumblr as a platform. Obviously there are a million factors that play into this, but I think a community initiative to engage more with smaller works could change the landscape of the ttrpg community online.

#long post

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hanatiny · 4 years ago

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[4:04] Heart Not Found

a/n // disclaimer: I’d like to make it clear that I neither condone nor endorse any of the behavior described in this fic. Each of the characters acknowledges that it is beyond unacceptable and unjustified; this is merely meant to be an experimental look at the psychological processes within a yandere’s mind. Furthermore, this work is purely fictional and I do not claim to personally know exactly how any of the ateez members behave.

a/n: If there’s anything potentially triggering that I have forgotten to list in the warnings, please let me know and I’ll fix my mistake asap!! thank you <3

pairing: yandere!San x genderneutral!reader x pianist!boyfriend!Hongjoong

genre: angst

word count: 2602

warnings: non-idol AU, murder, descriptions of injuries, mentions of blood and death, mentions of knives, San is highly obsessive in this, he threatens the reader but doesn’t actually hurt them, kidnapping, trespassing, swearing, I did my best to keep the violence as vague as possible

-----

It was around 3am and you had yet to return home, and to say San was unnerved about this fact would be a massive understatement.

It wasn’t unusual for you to get home when it was already dark outside but it was never after midnight, much less in the early morning hours it was approaching now.

San tapped his fingers against the glass of his window anxiously as he watched the streets below attentively. You had turned off your phone a while ago, or at least that was the conclusion he drew after he stopped getting a signal from the tracker he had secretly managed to install on your phone.

3:12... why weren't you home yet?

His jaw went tense when he finally caught sight of you a few excruciatingly long minutes later, and he absolutely fumed as he saw you holding hands with another man he had never seen before in his life- he paused.

He did recognize the man, as none other than the pianist Kim Hongjoong who had been gaining quite a bit of popularity in the recent months. Kim Hongjoong, who he had gone to high school with until the older dropped out to focus on his career instead.

San didn't care much for that though, because a pretty face and a talent like Hongjoong's didn't mean he could love and care for you like you deserved it.

San believed that only he could give you everything you needed and wanted, and everything beyond that. Which was exactly why he was seeing red, punching the wall next to himself angrily. It caused his knuckles to bleed from the force behind the action, but the rage he felt overshadowed his pain.

Why didn’t you realize you were destined to be his and his alone? That you shouldn’t go whoring yourself out to other men? That only he should be the one to hold you in his arms, the one to protect you from everyone and everything.

He didn’t understand. He didn’t understand why you couldn’t feel his attraction to you, why you insisted on turning a blind eye to him and found him “weird.” That’s what he assumed to be the case, at the very least.

San loved you, why was that so damn difficult for you to understand?

His narrowed eyes flickered over to the knife resting on his bedside table, and he had it clutched tightly in his bleeding hand within the blink of an eye.

He darted down the stairs without a second thought, blinded by the rage he felt deep within himself.

Meanwhile, outside, you were hugging your boyfriend goodbye for the night. His dark eyes shone innocently as he kissed your nose affectionately, causing you to giggle while still having your hands intertwined.

“So I’ll pick you up at 10 tomorrow for brunch, yeah?”

“Sounds good, Hongjoongie~ I’ll see you then.” You playfully blew him a kiss before he turned and walked off into the night, rounding the corner shortly after.

It was San’s time to strike, using your distracted state of mind to creep up behind you and tightly wrap an arm around your torso while he held the knife to your throat in warning.

You didn’t recognize his voice at first when he whispered into your ear, your brain much too clouded from the feeling of fear filling you, “If you make any sound at all, I’ll personally slit your throat and cut your vocal cords. You don’t want to lose an angelic voice such as yours, do you~?”

Realizing your situation was hopeless due to the unexpected amount of strength the man holding you possessed, you stopped trying to kick him and wrestle yourself free. This was the only answer he needed, starting to take slow and deliberate steps backwards from your house over to his. His hold on you remained tight, borderline suffocating even, just in case you would dare to get bold and try something.

He had left his door slightly ajar, kicking it shut behind him once he had finally brought you inside of his living space.

You still found yourself unable to figure out the identity of the man who had burst into your comfort zone out of nowhere but you didn’t want to find out what he was capable of doing to you if you attempted to resist whatever he was in the process of doing and pinpoint who he was, considering the amount of ease with which he snuck up and took hold of you just a few minutes ago.

Casually dropping his knife onto a nearby cupboard, he led you down the hallway of his house to a spacious bedroom. It was then a figurative lightbulb went off in your head and the fog clouding your mind cleared, upon seeing certain pieces of furniture he had placed in the room.

You had been here before. You had been in this house before when he had just moved in and his furniture was all over the place, he was the ‘cute neighbor’ who had offered you some coffee and invited you over to ‘get to know each other a little.’ Now all you needed to do was remember his name- it clicked. You remembered.

His grip on you (probably purposely) loosening, you whirled around and took a few steps away from him. San didn’t seem all too fazed by it though, simply grinning knowingly at you and crossing his arms while you did your best to subtly gain proper awareness of your surroundings.

It seemed like he noticed, however, because that was when he finally spoke up again.

“I was wondering how long it’d take you to recognize me, love. You know who I am, don’t you~?” His tone was so calm that it unsettled you to the point of having to avert your eyes, your head hanging low as you nodded hesitantly, hardly even noticing his use of the pet name.

“I knew it...~” San’s voice trailed off into a purr that you weren’t sure how to feel about, deciding that being wary was likely the smartest thing you could do in your current situation.

Too lost in thought, you didn’t realize he had stepped closer to you while you were internally debating with yourself, pleased that you seemed to remember what he said about speaking.

“Now, I have something to take care of for a little bit... I trust that you’ll be good and not leave this room.” Although a smile was painted on his features, it didn’t make his tone sound any less threatening. Not willing to find out what might happen if you didn’t react, you nodded once more.

“That’s my good dove~” All of it disgusted you - from the way he cooed at you, over the way his lips twitched upwards into a grin, to the way he looked at you like you were the only person in this twisted world.

You hated it and yet there you stood, in the middle of this sicko’s bedroom, frozen with uncertaintly and fear. You only scarcely resisted the urge to punch him in the face, watching closely as he left a few moments later and closed the door behind himself.

You heard him lock it as well, heaving a shaky sigh when you believed him to be out of earshot.

Your body shook with rage, how did he have the audacity to just kidnap you like that and walk away like he didn’t commit a goddamn felony? Your first instinct was to break something, and you figured that the window might be the first best thing - just in case it’d give you an opportunity to escape.

Looking around, you were quick to find a small hammer in a drawer. You swung it against the glass with every bit of force you could muster, only for the object in your hand to bounce back without leaving even so much as a crack. Dumbfounded by the fact that San had even reinforced his windows to keep you from leaving him, clearly having planned this for a while, you dropped the hammer next to you and sank to your knees.

You curled in on yourself, sobs wracking your body as you were forced to come to terms with the reality that you were trapped. Trapped in this room, trapped with your not-so-innocent-and-sweet neighbor.

Meanwhile, San’s steps were hurried as he sought out your boyfriend’s house, knife in hand while he occasionally glanced at his phone. It probably wasn’t very smart of Hongjoong to have his personal address publicized for fan mail purposes, considering how easily it could be exploited by people like San.

He should’ve been freezing out in the cold air at 3:35 in the very early morning, but the blood practically boiling in his veins kept him from being affected by it much. It was almost too easy for him to trespass onto the desired property when he finally reached it, breaking the lock on the door effortlessly with the blade of his knife.

Hongjoong had a habit of staying up as late as it was humanly possible, and it was rather common knowledge that he sometimes didn’t even sleep at all. As such, San was not the least bit surprised to faintly hear someone playing the piano when he stepped into the house as quietly as he could.

He followed the sound, eventually coming to a large room filled with a variety of instruments of different sizes. In the middle was, as San had to begrudgingly admit, a beautiful piano. Its seat was occupied by his very target, Hongjoong, who was aware of the younger man’s presence and let his fingers press against the black and white keys once more.

The sound the action produced was so disharmonious that it made San physically cringe as he stared the young pianist down, the latter of whom finally lifting his head with a deep, exasperated sigh.

“This is about y/n, isn’t it? I’ve noticed the way you look at-”

“You saw nothing! You know nothing! Do you have any fucking clue how painful it is to see the one you love with someone else, to not even have them spare you a single glance because of how little they care about you?” San was furious at this point, blinded by his rage, Hongjoong flinching and recoiling in his seat at the harsh tone employed by the other male as he continued, “I know you don’t. You were always the prodigy and excelled at what you did, got everything you wanted so easily... including the one thing I wanted too. I can’t live with that, and neither will you.”

“I-I didn’t- That’s not-” Hongjoong stammered, trying to defend himself before quickly realizing it was a futile endeavor when he saw San lunging at him with his knife clutched tightly in his hand. His reflexes were fast as he tried to reach for a nearby violin to whack the latter unconscious with but the crazed younger was, to his demise, much faster and pinned him to the surface of his piano while the keys beneath him produced another dissonant sound.

It didn’t exactly help that San was not only taller but also more muscular than Hongjoong, so the latter’s tries to wiggle and struggle free were for nothing. He groaned in pain as the wooden edges of his instrument forcefully dug into his skin; he clawed at it, but to no avail. He had no chance against San.

Despite knowing how hopeless it was for himself, Hongjoong refused to go down without a fight and proceeded kick and scream in San’s hold, “You’re making a huge m-mistake-”

His vision spun before going black, his pleas going silent while his body went limb. Everything stopped, except for San. He continued to stab and mutilate the older until he deemed it enough and was satisfied, stepping backwards after. He got what he came here for. Taking a quick picture with his phone to show to both you and the police what had taken place (although he’d come up with an alibi for the authorities, of course), he backtracked his steps and left the house as fast as his feet would take him.

Still under the safe and dark blanket of the night, he made his way back to his own house. Making sure to hide the bloody knife where no one would find it, he cleaned himself off briefly before he got an idea for how he could use the ‘souvenir’ he brought for you.

You jumped slightly in your spot on San’s bedroom, curled up and hiding your face behind your knees even now, when you heard him slam the front door shut which signalled you that he had returned from whatever he was out doing. You feared the worst as you listened carefully, presuming the noise he was making to be coming from his kitchen.

You looked up when the bedroom door clicked open and San entered, a smug and satisfied grin on his face as he moved to set a jar on the bedside table before crouching in front of you.

“I’m home, bunny. Did you miss me~?” His falsely innocent, sweet tone was still something you despised, although you felt genuine fear for what he could do to you simply by looking at the tiny smudge of blood lingering on his cheek, so you nodded obediently.

“Good. I just had to have a little chat with your pretty boy, and look what he gave me~!” San cheerfully nudged his head towards the bedside table, and the sight you were met with made you feel sick to your stomach.

What you assumed to be Hongjoong’s bloody heart. In a jar. You kept glancing back and forth between him and the object, gaping at him in both shock and disbelief of what he had done.

“What do you think of it, love? Pretty, isn’t it~? Go on, tell me.” He encouraged you softly, "You told him he had your heart right? Now you have his forever!” He chirped, and your voice was shaky as you spoke.

“Y-you monster!” You exclaimed, cursing yourself internally for your stuttering as you cursed at him, “You heartless bastard, you didn’t have to kill him!”

“I didn’t want to kill him,” he admitted softly, looking down as if he felt any sense of remorse for any of his actions within the last hour or so, “but he left me no choice. He refused to break up with you. He refused to let me love you without... all this.” He gestured vaguely, pulling out his phone to show you the photo he took, “He refused to let me have even one thing I wanted for myself, even though he always got whatever he wished for. Desperate times require desperate measures, I had no choice...”

San trailed off, your own face paling at the realization that Hongjoong had been murdered because of a petty rivalry of sorts from the past that San had yet to let go of.

Feeling lightheaded by the abundance of information swimming in your already aching head, you blacked out. When you came to your senses again, it appeared to be morning and San was making noise in another room.

Tears wet your face as you shakily reached for your phone, wishing you hadn’t because the very first notification you opened was a headline you had prayed wouldn’t be reality, accompanied by the very picture San had taken the previous night.

“Up and coming pianist Kim Hongjoong brutally murdered in his home last night; investigations still ongoing”

----- Taglist (tell me if you wanna be added):

@cometoceantrenches @ddeonghwva @galaxteez @innosintsan @latte-fairytaekwoon @little-precious-baby @multidreams-and-desires @nightqueennyx @twancingyunhoe @vocalyunho @yunhoiseyecandy

Network tag:

@8makes1teamnet

#8makes1teamnet #ateez fanfic #ateez angst #hongjoong angst #san angst #ateez hongjoong angst #ateez san angst #just- just don't ask where the idea for this came from. I swear I'm not crazy-#hanatiny writes

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voxvulpina · 4 years ago

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I don't care anymore about Rumiko tbh.

I have lost about 50% of my respect toward her when Yashahime began because maybe Rin isn't the Mom and everything could change, that was the reason she didn't say anything.

Then she gained my respect again when she stated that SessRin's relationship was guardian/child. It means that she never ever wants to make this pedo pairing happens. And it opened a possibility that Sunrise wouldn't go beyond the creator's view/belief by making Rin the Mom in Final/Season2.

Then I have completely lost any respect of her when Sunrise confirmed 100% that Rin is the Mom (pregnant at 14) and will retcon the OG.

She could write 100000000 pages on how she will always see guardian/child in SessRin. She could announce it to the whole world that she was very very against SessRin relationship, but the fact that she HAS POWER to stop it (especially regarding the OG), but she DOESN'T do anything and just let everything happen just the end for me.

Nope, not gaining any respect back from me no matter what she does. It seems like money is everything for her now that she let Sunrise to do anything to her work.

It's a tricky matter. Fans have been wondering how much control Takahashi actually has over her story and characters. She didn't seem overly enthusiastic about a sequel being made, and apparently she was only informed after it was already in the production stage? It doesn't sound like Sunrise cares much about her opinion or blessing.

I'm not making excuses for her, mind you. I realise she's not a confrontational person and I'm told Japanese people in general tend to be a lot more polite than us rather blunt Westerners. But this is her most famous work Sunrise are wiping their lolicon butts with. Is saying she thought of Sesshomaru as Rin's hogosha and posting a pic of her Sesshomaru and Kagura figurines holding hands REALLY the best she can do???

Tbh, I don't think she gives a crap about her past works. It often sounds like she can barely be bothered to answer questions about her own fictional universes and characters! So yeah, I can't say I have much respect left for her either. She let these sickos trash her fans' childhood show. All of us are only here because we loved Inuyasha as kids. What did most of us get out of the Yashahime experience? Triggering content, pedo bs, an awful story, not to mention months of stalking, harassment and bodyshaming by a certain section of the fandom. Thanks a lot, RT.

#antisessrin #anti sessrin

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nonbinary-sticks-the-badger · 1 year ago

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heres my epiphany about being an evil sicko heterophobe who wants to disrupt the status quo and make your kids gay /j

over the past few months ive noticed ive been becoming increasingly more averse to straight/heteronormative ships. ik it isnt the end of the world and like. straight people arent oppressed for anything queer people arent also oppressed for. but its been bugging me because while heterophobia is such a non-problem that i was hesitant to even type out the word, simply reversing the roles doesnt really make it any better unless its for a hypothetical scenario. whatever you have to say about it, an aversion to a perfectly fine relationship just because its straight isn't necessarily the worst evil in the world but at the same time thats still a bad thing

and i mean for a little bit i was able to shut that part of me up! when done right, i honestly love sonamy. its just such a pleasant little ship. and also now ive got the tag blocked and consider myself a sonamy anti. ik it sounds really silly. "oh boo hoo, you don't ship the cartoon hedgehogs, whatever." and it is really silly. but its not just that. literally every other straight ship i like is either because the characters look good together/have interesting aesthetic combos (eg shadamy) OR i actually like the relationship but i cant bring myself to love it like other ships

again, not liking a straight ship isn't the be all and end all of everything, but i think back to this sonamy comic i saw months ago that i HATED. this morning i pictured amy as one of the guys in sonic and it was fine. i pictured sonic as one of the girls and it was fine. like i dont care if its not a serious problem, i dont wanna be like that.

and then i think about other ships im a fan of. i like a lot of straight mario ships, for example, so long as its not rosalina with a guy or waluigi with a woman. but then i remember WHY i like those ships. my favourite straight ship of all time is probably luaisy. theyre a really cute couple and i love them to bits!!! and then i remember i h/c them both as bi and trans, specifically t4t as well. this extends to other ships too. in fact, i love LOADS of straight pairings, so long as theyre actually not romantic and queerplatonic instead. put simply, i feel a need for some hint of queerness in EVERY ship.

and so i wondered why. why do i care? why do i have irrational hatred for a fictional boy and girl kissing if it isnt exactly how i like it? and then i thought back to when i didnt even slightly have that hatred and connected any two characters who i thought might possibly have something appealing out of a relationship. it was probably year 9, a few years ago. so what was the difference?

my friends.

back in year 9, i was surrounded by queer people, offline, online, real and fictional. now, however, a lot of them have realised theyre straight or drifted apart. its not their fault, thats just who they are and im glad theyre happy. as for the friends who drifted apart, theres not much i can do. but the only close queer friends i have who i have actually met in person are 1) my cousin who lives on the other side of the country and 2) the people who i see in summer school. summer school is 1 week a year btw.

obviously i dont lack queer friends. ive got loads online. but people arent kidding when they say your life will be vastly improved by being in physical queer spaces. my town's too small to organise any real pride events, so i cant really find new queer friends NEARBY very easily. i love my online friends, i really do, but even if we video called every day, it can never quite get on the same level as being in the same room as your friend. in other words, i feel slightly isolated when it comes to being queer. i guess thats why im looking forward to sixth form so much: i DESPERATELY want to meet someone more like me. not just in being queer, but being queer is a great place to start

so, if that does happen, maybe ill stop being like this and calm the hell down. i really hope i do because its genuinely annoying when you have an irrational aversion to something completely fine

im really tired but i literally just had an epiphany hold on

#not sonic

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mythicaldemigoddess-of-deltarune · 4 years ago

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Let Me Make Some Things Clear About My Talk About Pepe Le Pew

in case there was any form of misunderstandings, let me make this very clear as best as I can...

first of all if by some miracle Pepe does get uncancelled and rebooted,

maybe making him have a father who is from the USA, and his mother was from France, and Pepe picked up his accent from his mother and learned how to speak both English and French from both his parents.

but no matter where Pepe would suppose to be from, it doesn’t matter.

no matter where a person is from, they can either be good, bad or neutral.

yeah I get that there are some misunderstandings that involve Pepe, as well as Speedy.

both deserve to not be the target of humans who believe them to be 100% bad.

plus I really think those who didn’t think there was any true change in the characters like Speedy and Pepe, should at least check out the Looney Tunes Show from a few years back,

that is the same show that introduced Daffy’s love interest Tina.

plus there is that other new cartoon that is on boomerang,

that has Pepe in it, and he seems to be wearing a suit and flirts with that fox lady.

let’s say that Pepe was never portrayed as someone who was from france,

but instead was a skunk name Peter, and he was made to be a flirty guy acting the same as he was in his older cartoons, and he acted this way all over the USA, and none of which took place in Paris.

and then years later in the year we live now, those who live in America

start to call Peter The Skunk (who in alternate timeline was created by a man who was from Paris.) a insult to Americans and call it a “R” word culture.

but not all people would feel that way, at least I don’t believe that all people around the world and who live in different places in the said world would view Pepe or that metaphorical Peter The Skunk.

yeah it seems that it turns out that not only Pepe’s aggressive flirting is the problem, but it doesn’t matter where someone is from, they can be that way and it wouldn’t have to do with where they are from.

I didn’t want anyone to misunderstand my words from the other day,

so I wanted to sign back in to try to clear up somethings as best as I can.

Pepe could go from his aggressive advances to a friendly flirting and takes a No when given it once or twice, but could do a friendly wink or blow a kiss, but no longer do the aggressive flirting that comes off as what most humans do in real life.

Pepe and Johnny Bravo might be many things, but they wouldn’t do the disgusting filth some humans would do.

I want Pepe, Speedy and Johnny to be saved from the humans who want to hurt them, I have a dislike for humans, but at the same time I still like the good side of humans....but what humans are doing to Pepe and Speedy (and might go after Johnny Bravo too.)

is added to my dislike of humans, even if I am still human myself,

I am still disgusted by what is happening to Pepe and even Speedy,

who could be given the chance to be less misunderstood,

if rebooted and keep some of their personalities but at the same time

add something to their personalities too.

like Pepe understanding aggressive advances to the gals he becomes smitten with, will come off as uncomfortable and if he isn’t careful, some people,

like the humans in real life, will mistake his only wanting to kiss and cuddle,

as something more dangerous.

and yeah I have a mix heritage, but my heritage wouldn’t have to do with my being a bit weird or my sensitivity or whatever the other parts of myself.

I am still not happy about what I went through a few days ago, which I guess has been a week now, and it makes me wish those who worked on the updates, did a test on a test type computer, before sending it out to everyone.

Pepe is a bit of gal crazy, but no matter where he was suppose to come from, which was thought up in his creation or development...

he would still be that way, even if he wasn’t “Pepe Le Pew”

and went by a different name and lived in Brooklyn.

plus Fifi chases boys too, and Amy Rose was known to chase after Sonic.

so tell me this, what makes it so different...?

sure Amy in Sonic Boom was shown to have mature and doesn’t chase Sonic the same way as she did before, but she may still hold feelings of love for Sonic.

I can only hope that Fifi will still be in the reboot of Tiny Toons, and I do not want humans to ruin it for me and other humans.

Elmyra Duff should at least be given a chance, and get in the reboot too.

if it wasn’t for the good parts of humans, like friends and family....and other people in this world that live all over the world, that give some hope for humanity...

I believe that if it wasn’t for that, I would 100% hate humanity and be full misanthrope, and if Ainz Ooal Gown was real and wanted to take over the world, well I might just side with the Overlord skeleton and the rest of nazarick.

even if I am suppose to be a Earth Angel, which my pendulum gave a Yes to,

and is one of the times I don’t think it is playing a prank on me.

but no matter if I was that or not, one can have a dark side that we all try to suppress, and it being from how the world is around us.

like having a dad that ups and left before ya were born,

or have suppress memories that you don’t remember until years later,

and when you try to tell your family about it, they don’t believe that your older cousin would do such a thing, and it makes you question if it was real and if it really did happen or if it was just a warning dream that you had when you were just a little girl, and yet even when you tried to talk to your family about that sicko, at some point, a few years later, you find out that.....older cousin you tried to tell your family about, had did something really bad to someone, that they “hurt” someone....

my remembering might of been for the reason, and if I was listen to, maybe it wouldn’t of happen....at least they are locked up.

I still love my family, but I don’t care much for the one that is still family but

I knew deep down was a monster, I just didn’t know how far it was.

I think it is possible what happen when I was little was a warning dream,

warning me to stay away from them, but at the same time I can’t help but wonder if it really did happen.

I mean before I heard about the Slenderman, I remembered I had this one dream once that had a faceless man in it, and the dream was in the woods

and it had a basket ball court, and I know that I felt hands on my shoulders and me being turned around to face what appeared to be a faceless man.

and I’m pretty sure I woke up scared after that, I guess I am questioning more about if Slenderman existed way before he ended up in the Slender Games.

I guess I want to keep to the whole him being fictional, but at the same time agree with the possibility that he could be real.

so I guess I can admit I’m in between.

and yeah I’m still not happy about what happen some week ago,

I am doing okay so far, so long as I don’t think too much about it I guess.

but I still think humans should at least try a different way to change Speedy and Pepe, and instead of try to cancel them.

still should try to watch the Looney Tunes Show that came on a few years ago,

that has Lola being different from her Space Jam self, and even has Tina in it,

which Tina should show up in other Looney Tunes Shows as well,

not just that one.

also I wanted to wait to say this, but I think I did get permission to go live with the Divine Mother and her handmaidens/Lucifer’s Daughters, well you know like a someday thing.

I asked for the sign for Yes be that it rained, which I think it was March 25th when I asked for that sign.

even if some might take it as a coincidence, I’m taking it as a Yes and Permission, which is good, because even if I did end up going to Heaven,

I would still try to find that edge and jump off of it by my own free will,

even if I am not a big fan of heights, I could just close my eyes...

I did use that whole jumping off of heaven idea on a fan fic.

and well I asked permission through prayer, plus there was a bit more to that prayer too, but ya don’t need to know all of it currently.

plus I am starting to believe that the True Year is 3021, and what we know as “2021″ is some form of a fake year or like a “Neo-Year” that humans from long ago made so to possibly hide some secret.

I mean for all we know, my pendulum could of been truthful about the whole Non-Humans in the video game of Mass Effect, being Real In Real Life.

well my pendulum does pull pranks...

and I still wish to go back in time to March 11 before the incident of the stupid update so I can stop myself from pressing that stupid update again, and I am still gonna hope for that to happen.

well maybe me not really going back in time, more like hoping for some changes during that time to happen, and I don’t want to give up in that happening.

anyway back to the whole Pepe, he could be changed to be less aggressive flirt so he doesn’t get misinterpreted as the type

that most humans are known to be.

he could be changed to be a friendly flirt, and who does take no for answer, but could just do friendly flirting without doing the past actions he is known for.

Speedy Gonzales could have a change as well, but could make it so that his character is no longer misinterpreted either.

and yeah Johnny Bravo, if he ever gets a reboot, he could be a bit flirting still, but not be as aggressive either.

but at least Johnny and Pepe aren’t the type that would “hurt” women in the way some humans do in real life, and that what makes them worth saving.

plus it isn’t like it is just the male characters that do that whole chasing and aggressive flirting too, Fifi La Fume and Amy Rose were that way too.

and I want those two girls to be protected from humans who would try to do the same thing to them as what they are trying to do to Speedy and Pepe.

I hope some of you understand my feelings, sure even if there are still good people in the world, some do insensitive things and will at times cross the line.

plus it really doesn’t matter where a person is from, how they act and what they do, can be from who they are by their very soul, and sometimes when ya get reborn, you might not end up being reborn in the same country or speak the same language that you did in one of your past lives.

some might not fully get what I’m trying to say or go with this.

anyone can be a good or bad person, or even a neutral,

it wouldn’t necessary have to do with them being like from well,

from either America or even any other place.

ya don’t place blame on toon, just being human, and acting out on his own personality and even having the said Pepe become scared when the girl ends up chasing him instead.

which has happen in one of those old cartoons.

do any humans even try to think that no matter where Pepe could come from,

he could still end up being flirty, but could still have room to grow as a character and become just friendly flirting and no longer be aggressive flirty?

both Pepe, Speedy and Johnny and any characters like them, deserve the chance to grow as characters and to be given a fair chance and to prove they aren’t like the monster men and women that are in real life.

I am still counting the women, because it isn’t just the men that do that disgusting stuff that I don’t want to say what it is.

I’m going to keep hoping that things get better and Pepe ends up back in Space Jam 2, and if Speedy is going through the same thing, then I hope Speedy will still be in Space Jam 2 as well.

I’m just gonna try to hope for the best for those characters,

and humans start to see the truth.

I’m listening to Lily Allen’s song F**k You.

after I finish listening to it, I will go and play a video game.

I want to try to keep my mind off of what happen a week ago,

as well as the fact some stuff I had saved before might be lost and possibly on the the abomination dark web, which I still hope that my and everyone else’s stuff returns to where they were before that stupid incident.

another way to try to keep my mind off of that day that really upset me,

is that whole taking a nice nap, to sleep it away and try to not let it enter my mind.

I’m also going to hope that my pendulum is just pulling a prank

and just reading on my worries/fears and using it to prank me,

and no one truly wished for me to have such a experience a week ago.

cause if it turn out to be true, then I will be really mad and would want to try to have a lot of time to myself to try to do the things I like to calm me down.

well and try to do mediation or like sleep it off.

and try to hope that some events from that week will have a timeline change,

and it will give me hope that everything I had saved before, will return.

especially the cute baby kitten pictures I had taken of my second cat.

and if someone truly did wish for me to lose the new work or even the stuff I had saved on to the computer, well let’s hope that it isn’t true and my pendulum is just pulling a prank on me.

but if it turn out to be true, then the one who hoped such bad luck would happen to me, could get a itchy feeling on a part of their body for the whole day and even to the next day.

but since that can’t possibly be true, and my pendulum could be pulling one of it’s pranks, I will try to think of it as bad luck on my part and I shouldn’t of trusted that update.

I want to believe that Pepe and Speedy will be saved from the humans that wish to hurt them, and they will get rebooted for their own sake because of the misunderstandings that they unintentionally bring about.

even if some of my stuff still ended up still being on the computer,

the much newer stuff was well ya know....

and I truly treasured them, even the pictures of my cute second cat,

which I regret not posting or even saving on a flash drive.

like most of my other stuff, that I don’t want to believe I might never see again.

I want my stuff back, and I can’t stand that they aren’t back.

I want to try to believe that by some miracle they will return.

and who ever came up with that stupid update from the start,

should at least not make it so that they don’t make it seem not very trust worthy, and it could be misinterpreted, I still regret pressing that stupid update again.

I hate the humans that didn’t try to keep that stupid update from coming out,

if that never happen I wouldn’t of let such mistakes happen trying to get my stuff back....like the new drawings, the stuff I wrote and saved on the computer, even the pictures, like one of them being of my second cat.

it would mean the world to me that everything returned how it was before.

but no matter how much I keep wishing for it, it doesn’t seem it will happen right away....and I don’t want to believe it will not happen at all.

that dark thought of it, I want to try to detract my mind from.

about a hour or so ago, I was watching the crossover

that has to do with Shadow and Rouge ending up in Equestria Girls

and Shadow ending up becoming boyfriend and girlfriend with Rainbow Dash,

it is still interesting, and if I had to do a ship that has to do with that crossover.

I would ship Sunset Shimmer with Scourge, as much as I like Fiona and can understand why she went with Scourge, because of how her so called former team of freedom fighters were, and still believe she could never change.

but Fiona and Scourge’s relationship in canon, could be seen as toxic,

even if there could be some form of attraction between the two, they might not truly be together because they are in love with each other, and their feelings might be only attraction of going for someone that was their type of “hot”

in a fanon crossover, Scourge and Sunset might end up in a non-toxic relationship and show a more positive relationship.

Sunset getting through to Scourge, and making him open up a bit more about his feelings, and how he became who he is in the first place.

I’m not sure if Sunset will ever appear in that crossover of Shadow Meets Equestria Girls.

even if some villains do deserve what came to them.

I don’t believe that Bradford Buzzard, Cozy Glow, Tirek, Chrysalis,

Hekapoo, Omnitraxus Prime, Rhombulus or even Chara from Undertale,

deserve to be made scapegoats.

Bradford still had some good in him, and if he became a Monster,

it was because of how people kept misinterpreting and hurting him emotionally.

because of his childhood, it is possible he suffers from PTS.

even if Hekapoo, Omnitraxus and Rhombulus had some form of Anti-Monster feelings, there could of been a story behind it, and they could of all changed their minds about it, not just Hekapoo who turned out was seeing a monster, by the name of Quirky, who ended up being killed all thanks to Moon.

because of Moon’s actions and using Rhombulus, Star and Rhombulus’s friendship was broken, and if Star had figured out it wasn’t Rhombuls who was the mastermind but her own mother, maybe she could of kept her Mother from crossing the line of misusing the magic, and keep magic from being the scapegoat.

some fans can clearly see that what Discord did was wrong, even if he was reformed by the kindness and love of Fluttershy, without the misuse of the elements of harmony.

he still ended up having his plans backfire on him, but at the same time he ended up having those three has his scapegoat.

Chara is only truly seen in the Genocide Route of Undertale,

but they never truly say that the Player or Frisk, has to kill any monster in the underground.

that is the players misinterpretation.

Chara is Not Evil in the canon, that is what I and other fans have come to realize and believe, and I am sticking to that belief.

in the Fanon, yeah I will believe that some versions of Chara are evil in some timelines and AU. but in the canon, no they are not.

we know that Kris (in fanon it could be short for Kristopher or Kristine.)

is suppose to be mix of Frisk and Chara.

from what fans can see of Kris’s room, or their shared room with their older brother....it is possible that Kris has some form of neglect, and doesn’t fix up their room to be as great looking as their brother’s side of the room.

plus Kris might have some form of lack of confidence

because of how much everyone praises Asriel, and hardly do so with them.

perhaps when Asriel does appear in Deltarune, maybe in Chapter 2.

we can learn more about what their brother/sibling relationship is like.

I am gonna hope that my theory about Asriel being a mean big brother and him using to beat up on Kris, and that is one of the reasons they hid under Noelle’s bed, like Kris hiding under that bed could of been to hide from Asriel.

but when their parents separated, Asriel could of changed and started to be a better big brother to Kris, but even if Kris did start to feel more safe and love Asriel, the hurt feelings could still be deep down in Kris’s heart.

like their feelings for Asriel, could still be sibling love, but could also be hate

because of how they were treated, and how Asriel would seem to get special treatment by everyone.

at least Kris has Susie, and possibly Noelle, and even Lancer and Ralsei.

and maybe even Sans’s little brother, not sure it will be Papyrus.

but we will have to wait to see who Sans’s little brother in Deltarune is.

I am gonna try to hope that some of the theories of Kris are non-canon.

but we will have to wait and see what happens in the next chapter of Deltarune.

I’m gonna try not to think too much about what happen this month....

I want to try to keep hoping and wishing everything returns back on how it was before, that some form of timeline change will happen that has to do with this year’s March.

yeah some of the stuff before and after that hurtful incident, can still be around.

all but the mistake of how to fix that problem that happen....

I want to try not to let it get to me too much, or the stuff that is happening with Pepe, Speedy and or if possible Johnny Bravo if he really truly will be next.

and if I have to make another thing clear,

it is this, I hate Toxic-Feminism, it is good to try to fight for rights for gals,

but I just don’t like the toxic side of it.

I know it is possible that one of the reasons for my semi-misanthrope,

also has to do with some jerks who thought what they were doing was for laughs and fun, and couldn’t see how much it was hurting me.

there can be different reasons for different people, to form a semi-misanthrope or full misanthrope and maybe only like the company of animals.

I know I love my cat, and if Slenderman ever tried to hurt my baby....

well if he were real that is, I would show him the real meaning of heck.

I can be protective...plus I think it is best for me to try to do some relaxing me time to try to get the mad or sad out, like either watch a movie or read, play video games or maybe try to lay down in bed and try to relax that way too.

after I do post this up, I’m going to just go back to playing video games.

and try not to think about the stuff that makes me not happy.

one of them being what happen some days ago this month,

that I still wish that timeline will hurry up and change and give me my missing stuff back.

as well as what some humans are doing that is added to my list....

I just need to try to look forward to upcoming fan series of Zim,

like Irken Outcast next episode, though I haven’t seen anything new yet, but things things take time.

and I’m waiting for the Invader Zim A Very Tall Problem.

I’m just guessing, but I think Purple and Gaz might form the friendship type ship.

not all ships are romantic, some are platonic type of love that of course will at times be like romantic but not like the type that will always have the kissing or other type of romance in it.

but I think Purple and Gaz’s future current relationship, might be the forming bond of friendship.

we can’t keep thinking that a ship will be the “romance” type that will have someone say “I ship it.”

if it is a ship that isn’t that, and those in it is like a family found, or buddies or sibling type love.

then it should be “I Fam It” or “I Bud It” or “I Sib It”

if it is just two or more guys who are just friends and aren’t in that romance type of ship.

it should be “I Bro It”, I just feel that the other side of ships need more love,

and one shouldn’t assume that the romance shipping is all there is.

which I think many know this already.

I might sign back on later, or maybe tomorrow or whenever I can.

I still don’t like Pepe or Speedy or even the possibility of Johnny Bravo,

being misinterpreted.

but if rebooting and revamping Pepe and Speedy saves them from the humans that wish to do them harm, because of how they are viewed, well it might be best to reboot/revamp them for their own safety.

Pepe going from his original type of flirting to a friendly flirt that takes a No,

but will still do a passive flirt from time to time, might be the best for his character if it keeps him from being misjudged.

I still think if Pepe had a alternate version of himself, who was given the name Peter and he was created by someone who made him be a flirty American skunk.

but his creation didn’t originate from America, the shoe might end up on the other foot. but it wouldn’t mean that everyone would agree that Peter or even Pepe were bad, just that they get misinterpreted as certain men and women in real life.

yes being a aggressive is bad, which to save Pepe, that will need to change to a friendly passive type flirt, so people will stop calling him the “R” word.

in other words the two types of it....

and like I said before, in one of the older cartoons, when the female ends up chasing Pepe, Pepe is the one who ends up scared and starts to run.

I can only try to hope that everything works out, I’m just gonna try to relax for the rest of the day.

also when you are waiting for a new episode or movie to finally come out,

it is best to be patient, and try to understand these things take time.

either if it’s canon or fan-canon.

at least I had favorite/hearted some stuff on here today on March 28, 2021.

or as it might be 3021.

I could count it being both, even if it might turn out that the true year is 3021.

I still see it as 2021 as well.

I still don’t like misunderstandings where it crosses the line,

I mean some misunderstandings can be okay, because it can be worked out.

but even if Pepe had a different origin, he could still end up being mistreated and viewed by those who believe him to be a monster.

the sooner Warner Bros reboot/revamp him and Speedy, the better.

I just really don’t like whats going on, and I’m going to hope everything gets better soon.

anyway it really doesn’t matter if Pepe was French or not,

I think he would be that way if he did end up being given a different backstory,

and if he was given a different backstory, and was made like how most people view people where I live at....

then some might still share that view but not many.

I want to believe that not everyone sees Pepe like that, and can see that just because he took the wrong way of flirting in his past, he can grow and go from a aggressive flirt to a friendly flirt.

plus ya can’t blame everything on Pepe, even before he was born/created,

and before cartoons and movies, there was sickos in the ancient times who had hurt women.

so yeah Pepe can’t truly be blamed for what happen before he was born/created.

like I said before, I’m gonna try to take my mind off the stuff that has started to bother me this month....and hope some of it will be fixed soon.

when I do update on here again, I might talk about my favorite ships.

like Professor Membrane x Utonium.

I think I am back on the fence with Dexter x Blossom.

yes re-reading the Powerpuff Girls D crossover comic series,

did make me start to love the ship again.

but who knows if that ship will last in the canon of the comic.

Blossom might just get her heart broken, Dexter clearly might have true feelings for the other girl.

also when it comes to the Grim Tales From Down Below Comic Series,

I can’t help but have the weird theory that Minimandy might really be Adult/Future-Bubbles’s daughter.

and Chi might be a fragment from Adult/Future-Blossom’s soul,

and Aku mixed some of his own essence onto the fragment, making Chi be born as the daughter of Aku, but still being technically Blossom’s daughter as well....

another theory I have is that Adult/Future-Buttercup is Chi’s Mother.

well not all fan theories have to be correct.

anyway I really should go now, I still want to play a little bit of video games.

and maybe do some reading later, but not before watching some shows or movies I like first.

I’m gonna try to hope things get back to how they were before that mess about a week ago....and try to make sure to keep my mind off of it, and not let it get to me too much like had been during the first days.

but it doesn’t mean I wont try to hope it will change....

I do not want to go through a third depression, so gonna try to look on bright side and hope that it NEVER comes to that.

so yeah, see ya later, stay safe, and if you do a Geno-Run in Undertale,

don’t blame Chara, and remember reality is illusion, Gaster implants the ideas of the games inside the mind of it’s human creator, Steven Quartz Universe’s name spells out “Sans” if you take out the “S” from Steven, the “A” from Quartz, and the “N” and “S” from Universe.

Underswap Sans, Gir from Invader Zim and Sonata Dusk from MLPFim/Equestria Girls, are the Taco Buddy Squad.

cause you know, all three of them apparently love tacos.

of course there are different versions of the original tacos.

but would be a dream come true, would be the taco pizza...

where you have pizza, but then you put some taco seasoning in it.

it wouldn’t really be a taco, but homemade pizza that is made like that is the best....well I think it is, but not everyone has to agree with me on that.

Bill Cipher Could Be Starco Child, made from their love and from the leftover magic......or not.

I’m weird and that could be non-canon.

but seriously do not misunderstand my talk about Pepe or any other character, like in my last post before this one.

I am just trying to say that no matter what Pepe’s origin,

he could still be that way but can grow as a character later on and go from the aggressive flirt to a friendly flirt that learns to take a no before his actions cause a misunderstanding.

also I can’t help but view Rarity from MLPFIM,

being part of the Pie family, like her real name being Rhinestone Pie

and her nickname is just “Rarity” and her “Mom” isn’t her real mom

and her real mother being Pinkie, Limestone, Maud and Marble’s Mother. (Cloudy Quartz Pie’s Mother could of been a Unicorn.)

Sweetie Belle could still be biologically Rhinestone “Rarity” Pie’s sister.

but her real name could be rock or gem based.

Bon-Bon’s real name was Sweetie Drops.

so Sweetie Belle and Rarity really being part of the Pie Family,

is my theory and fan head-canon, but it is fine that not many agree about it.

Crystal Pie could be seen as a possible birth name of Sweetie Belle.

I mean if that theory were true, but not all theories have to be true.

anyway I’m just gonna go now, I can talk more about the theory about Rarity and her sister truly being part of the Pie Family another time.

so yeah, once again see ya later and hope that no one misunderstood what I was trying to point out about Pepe, and I hope both he, Speedy and even Johnny Bravo if he ends up next....

get saved and if rebooting/revamping them keeps them from being misunderstood, then I really hope it helps.

#speedy gonzales #pepe le pew #johnny bravo #humans suck #good and bad human #looney tunes #reboot #revamp

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supraveng · 5 years ago

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Agent of Shield - Chapter 1

This is my first fan-fiction, I appreciate any and all feedback

Summary: You are a relatively new agent at Shield, but not a field agent, apparently that is about to change when you meet the Avengers and they realize you are a valuable asset

Word count: 2168

My phone rang and caused a huge sigh of relief, at this point during the lunch date, I didn’t care if it was a telemarketer, I was going to say it was an emergency and get out of there as quickly as possible. “I’m sorry, I need to take this” I said as politely as possible as I dig my phone out of my bag. “Hello?” “Hi, Y/N Miller, it’s Maria Hill, I know it’s a Saturday, but we could really use your assistance on a time sensitive situation. How quickly can you get to Stark tower? We have some intel and no one here to translate it for us.” “Girl, you are getting me out of the worst date in history, I can be there in 30 mins.” I move my mouth away from the phone and address my lunch companion “Oh don’t pout, you can’t think this was going well, you’ve been talking about your mother for the last 20 minutes” I am not in the mood to give Mr. Boring any pretense that I wanted to be there. You could hear Maria try to stifle a laugh before commenting “Thank you, are you in Manhattan? We can have someone come get you?” “Actually, I’m about 5 blocks away, but I’m gonna need some coffee to combat my two-martini lunch if you want the translations to be accurate” I responded as I gathered my things and headed out of the restaurant. “We wouldn’t have called if we didn’t want accuracy”, you gasp when you heard the voice “Nicky, is that you? This IS a treat!” I say with a giggle. “Stop calling me that I will personally have your coffee waiting for you when you arrive, you have 10 minutes” “Thank you Director Fury” I say as seriously as possible. “So what are we looking at here, what language do you need translated?” “We aren’t sure what language it is, but you would be the expert in that department. We just received the comm but we don’t have anyone here that can assist, and since you know all languages, you are always our first choice.” “Oh, Maria, flattery will get you everywhere!!”

I arrived at Stark tower 8 minutes later with Fury handing me a rather large cup of coffee and what almost looked like a smile “Thank you for allowing us to interrupt your Saturday”. I smiled at him as I sipped my coffee and followed him into the elevator. “You are very welcome, I’m glad I was close by, this coffee could have gotten cold if I was anywhere else in the city”. I walked down the corridor and was led into a conference room, I almost stopped dead in my tracks when I notice Tony Stark and Steve Rogers discussing something at the monitor. I take a deep breath and another sip of coffee “Well, I guess this is where the party is, I’m sorry I’m late”, both the Avengers turn to look at me and I could have melted right there. “Sorry to tear you away from your martini lunch, but we could really use your help here” Tony says with a smile. I glare at Maria “you should warn someone when they are on speaker phone. Not a problem Mr. Stark, I’m pretty sure this emergency saved me from the reincarnation of Norman Bates.” Everyone laughs except for Steve who looks a little confused, Tony claps him on the shoulder “I’ll explain it later Cap. And Y/N, please call me Tony. The communication came in this morning, but I’m limited to only knowing 6 languages and whatever this is, it’s not one of them.” “Well, there are approximately 2500 languages in the world, and Maria exaggerated, I’m only fluent in 47, but I will do my best” I respond with a smile. “You are fluent in 47 languages?” “Yes Captain, unless you count Pig Latin, then it’s 48” I say with a wink. “Which we don’t, so can we please move this along?” “Of course, Director Fury” I respond as I continue to sip my coffee. “Are you looking for anything in particular? Or just need a literal translation?” I question as I sit down with a pen and paper before they start to play the recording. “Well, if you are able to translate, which it sounds like you are the most qualified one in the room, we would want a full transcript of the conversation.” “Of course, Captain” I smile as Tony starts to play the recording. “Please, call me Steve”

I begin listening with my eyes closed in order to concentrate on the conversation and pick out the different individuals speaking. I open my eyes and signal for Tony to pause the recording. “Um, so it is Xhosa and I’m able to translate but not to question your source, are you sure this is the correct recording?” I question with a quizzical look. “Why? What are they talking about?” Fury asks. “Well, please excuse my language Captain, eh Steve, but idiot number 1 is complaining to idiot number 2 about the, um brothel he recommended” I state as I look at the other 4 people in the room. Maria begins to chuckle under her breath but clears her throat as Tony begins speaking. “What exactly did he say?” I look up, almost embarrassed to repeat any of the conversation in front of golden boy Captain America and smile “Well, he said, and I quote “the whore house you sent me to was awful, I asked for the blonde like you recommended, her bush was too much, she pegged me without my permission, and now I have a strange looking sore on the side of my” I was cut off by Steve “Ok, I don’t think that’s what we are looking for here. Would you mind continuing through the recording and leave out any of the colorful commentary?” “Of course, please continue the recording” I state as Tony is about to add to the situation, but I just shake my head and grin. I continue listening for a few more lines when I hear a name “Who is Demetri Makarov?” I ask as Tony pauses the recording again. “They mentioned Demetri. What did they say?” Tony asks as he looks over at you. “Idiot number 2 is telling idiot number 1 that he went to the wrong, um, brothel, that none of Demetri’s girls have a bush and are always kept clean. He has a very strict criteria and only keeps the best, um, workers. He gets a fresh shipment every month, so any that are dirty are disposed of” I say with a lump in my throat. My job for SHIELD has never been easy to handle when it comes to the types of criminals I help to expose, but this was a bit more than I was expecting on a Saturday afternoon. Steve seems to sense my trepidation and places a hand on my shoulder “this is exactly what we need, can you continue, or do you need a break?” he asks. I take a deep breath and look into his crystal blue eye, which seem to calm me enough to continue “since this is time sensitive, I don’t want to take a break, I’ll be fine” I nod and Tony continues to play the message. I close my eyes again and pick up the pen, I listen a little while longer and then begin writing. When the recording stops, I look up “Wait, is that all you got? That’s not enough information” I say, almost agitated that they didn’t provide me more details. “Unfortunately, the transmission cut out, but what else did you get? Anything useful?” Maria asks. “Well, idiot number 2 went to praise Demetri and his screening process for finding the purest girls of anyone around. Idiot number 2 told idiot number 1 that he is hoping that Demetri will let him test the merchandise when it comes in on the 20th. But there wasn’t a location, he didn’t give anything else to work with” I reply frustrated and almost defeated that I couldn’t get more info to help stop this sicko.

“You’ve helped more than you realize” Tony responds as he goes back to the monitor. “We received the recording this morning and sent out agents for ground surveillance immediately.” “We have 12 days to figure out where Demetri is and where his is taking the women, that’s more time than we usually have” Steve says as he smiles at me. “Thank you for your help, can we contact you if anything else comes in?” he asks hesitantly. I smile and nod “Of course” I respond as I think, you are Captain Freaking America, you can call me anytime. Tony clears his throat and catches both me and Steve off guard “Quit flirting Cap, we have work to do. Thank you for your time Y/N, we will be in touch”

I stand up and turn to Maria who has a huge grin on her face “Here, I’ll walk you out” she states as she stands up and follows me out the door. As I step on the elevator, I look over at Maria with my mouth hanging open, “Are you ok?” she asks, a little worried by my appearance. “Yea, I guess, just not how I thought this day would go. First meeting two of the hottest men in NY and listening to a bunch of dirt bags being all giddy about their knowledge of a sex trafficking ring halfway around the world. My life usually isn’t this interesting” I say with a shrug. “Well, I think you impressed everyone in that room, you would be a huge asset to the team for this particular investigation. I can talk to Fury about moving you from your desk job, you are totally wasted there, you know that, right?” she states as the elevator opens on the bottom floor. I look at her a bit skeptically, “Maria, I love you, but I am not a field agent, I’m barely an agent at all. I’m a translator at best and the only reason I got through that whole thing without making an ass of myself was the martini’s I had before I came over. I don’t think the Avengers would appreciate me needing to be buzzed in order to assist them with actual helpful way. What is so funny?” I practically scream when Maria is doubled over laughing. “You need to relax, they were both impressed with you, I mean, who wouldn’t be, 47 languages? That’s 40 more than Stark and he’s a genius! You don’t give yourself enough credit.” “Thank you, but I don’t know how you can work with the Avengers at all. It’s like their hotness level surpasses normal people by 500%, and you don’t even notice” I respond starting to laugh at the entire situation. “Oh honey, I notice, trust me I notice. I just pretend they all look like trolls so that I can keep from drooling” she tells me with a small smile. I snort and shake my head as I hail a cab “I’m not sure my imagination is strong enough for that, but I will try to my best to be professional” I say with a smile as I open the cab door. Today is definitely not how I were expecting my day to go, I stare out the window of the cab and start thinking about what Maria said. Helping the Avengers on this case would be scary as hell, but also, probably the most rewarding work I’ve done since coming to SHIELD. I became an agent to help people, and this situation was probably the biggest impact I would see on these women’s lives, but am I ready?

I reached my apartment sooner than expected and needed some food and relaxation, this day took a strange direction and I knew I need to find a way to process it all without going crazy. I grabbed some leftover pad thai from the fridge and headed to my bedroom, stripped out of the 4-inch heels and jeans I wore for my blind date then head into the bathroom start a bath. Pulling out my lavender bath oils and got the water as hot as possible as I munched on the takeout. I grabbed my phone, opened Spotify and started my relax playlist before slowly lowering myself into the steamy water, then realized I didn’t grab a bottle of wine to help be unwind. Maybe that was a good oversite, dealing with a hangover is never fun, and if I’m called for another translation, I need to remain professional. After my bath, I throw on my comfiest robe and plop on my bed with my laptop. Nothing interesting on social media, I decide an evening of Netflix would hit the spot. A few episodes into The Office and I decide that getting to bed early wouldn’t be a bad idea.

NEXT CHAPTER

#marvel au #steve rogers x reader #steve rogers fanfiction #avengers fanfiction #avengers fandom #marvel fandom #marvel fanfiction #avengers au

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marai-posts · 5 years ago

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Okay so that ending was 100% exhausted developers sick of making Danganronpa games and calling us out for being sicko's who enjoy watching killings games just because they're fictional and don't hurt us personally, which I GET. Trust me, good for them for finally saying "fuck you guys".

And they gave us plenty reason to believe that Tsumugi was lying about the first three games being staged like this one.

So I'm choosing to believe that the Tragedy and everything in the first three games actually happened because coping.

Honestly, thinking that the events of the first three games inspired a show based on it once the world got back to normal is the only way I'll be able to deal with this.

Cause meta shit has always put me off tbh

But since I love Danganronpa and feel bad whenever creations become too popular and it makes it not fun for the creators, I'm good.

I'm okay with this. I mean, it's not perfect and not exactly what I wanted from the series, but that's fine! I can keep my own little perfect canon world in my head where nothing is fictional and everyone is real.

Because the only real reason I'm pissed is cause she suggested my favs weren't real.

Makoto and Byakuya...

Hajime and Nagito...

Toko and Komaru...

THEY'RE REAL DAMNIT

I-It was all real;; there's no way it wasn't;;

please

#danganronpa #danganronpa spoilers #danganronpa v3

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themrswallace · 6 years ago

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Fandom talk: Trikey is not a fetish ship

If the tumblr Rads do their job then this saga is not going to last long-- BUT! That doesn’t mean I’m not gonna get the balls jiggling like a lil shit-lord. ---- Fandoms, the title of said post and what we enjoy stuff within, make friends within, love, enemies, rivals, associates we sometimes chat to if we just happen to be in the same place at the same time and have enough confidence to not run the fuck the other way. Fandoms, great places, terrible places, sewers for games, movies, books and so on, especially when our biggest internet sewer, happens to be Tumblr. For the pilot post, I will bring attention to a personal favourite: Trikey. If you dunno what the ship is: It’s Michael De Santa and Trevor Philips. Classic platonic/kinda not really platonic but god knows they’re too stupid/repressed to say anything ship of mid-2013. Course the name came later. A lot of people like to shit on trikey for all the reasons you can think of, literally, people will call the ship ANYTHING just to make you feel like shit for liking it cus everyone feels entitled to an opinion these days, even the worst kind of opinions known to man/woman/horse. One of the big labels of hate is fetishing, fetishing gay/straight/lgbtq dudes and serial killers. People have used this subject of hate, time and time again to make fans of trikey afraid to shit it out of understandable “I don’t wanna be a fetisher!” and “I don’t want to be seen this way!” As someone on the extreme end of that argument, back then and to this day, on and off tumblr, I’m here to say a thing, said it back in the day and I’ll say it now. Matchmaking: two people introduced through whatever means, usually one friend knows another friend and they have a friend who is looking for someone, or maybe a bro is trying to hook his younger/older bro up and he knows this hot chick/dude/horse, you get the idea, two people are thought to be “Good together” and so Dave brings Jim-bob and Mary-sue brings Daisy-fae and the two are like “OMG YOU GUYS ARE SUCH A PERF MATCH! HELL YAW!” We do this every single day IRL: We ship real people and think nothing of it, nobody is dubbed a “Fetisher” because you brought Tim to the same party with intentions of getting him together with Andy. Women do this, Men do this, men and women, both, neither, trans, EVERYONE FUCKING DOES IT! But if you’re online, and the people aren’t actually real, things go out the window. Now yes, I completely admit and agree that there are really weird/fucked up people online who will and do fetish characters, male, female, neither, both, whatever race or age or even specific gender, age, race, people get really terrible about it and they will defend their actions as “Hey it’s not real”, which no, it isn’t, but when they are showing clear signs/evidence of fetishing, only then, should things be said, and not in the screaming harpy fandom war type of way, no, actually speak to the person, report them, call them out with real evidence you and many others have, or just block them out because sometimes, sickos only respond to a fence built between them and the shit they’re fetishing. However, just shipping/matchmaking two guys/people, is not fetishing. Trikey, when it isn’t extreme, is just people/fans, shipping two guys with actual chemistry, when it isn’t extreme, trikey is harmless fun between fans of a video game, enjoying their time like everyone does! I enjoy shipping trikey, just as much as playing minecraft or sims or writing, more so even! Actual fetishing is happening every day IRL, in magazines, ads, marketing, business, everything, yes it can be as bad online, but making fans of something out to be the Harvey Weinstein in training....not rational and not okay. Really not okay, dudes. If you knew actual fetishing, it would disturb you, enrage you, make you want to go out and stop it, not hang around fandoms and taunt/harass people online because omg two fictional people are getting it on or being pushed together out of the same shit we IRL ship Suzy and Dan from the club! GROW. UP. Get some brains, googie the meaning of fetish, learn some shit and go make a point of your argument. Actually defend something instead of screaming at the sky like someone is going to open the clouds and be like “Dudeeeee, you’re so woke” Because woke people, are out there, are leaving fandoms be and doing something good in the world. And now, like a woke person myself....I am going to run the fuck away and prep myself for the screaming harpys of tumblr to come destroy me

#fandom

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comicreliefmorlock · 6 years ago

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So here's a fun game. What are, let's say...10-15 pieces of media (books, tv, movies, whatever) that seem to have been made JUST for you? why?

*cracks knuckles*

Surprisingly, not all of these will be Tanith Lee.

…however…

{And this goes under a cut because this is going to be a very long, verbose post. A really long, verbose post.}

1. “Tales from the Flat Earth” by Tanith Lee

These books are essentially like sitting by a crackling fire on a cool summer night beneath the glimmering night sky while a smiling crone cards wool and tells you the stories that come from a time aeons before your birth. I have never in my life found a quartet of books–let alone one book–that have so completely and absolutely captivated me. From the first page of “Night’s Master,” I was gone.

Not only the language–breaking the fourth wall and referring to “words lost when the world reformed itself in the chaos”–but the characters… Azhrarn, the personification of Wickedness who saves humanity with love. Uhlume, the personification of Death who faces a form of mortality and is forever changed by it. Chuz, the walking embodiment of Madness, who is gentle to those under his domain and understands that he cannot understand why he does what he does.

Ferazhin and Narasen and Sivesh and Simmu and Jornadesh and Kassafeh and Zhirem and Azhriaz and Dunziel… Names I have never forgotten because they all but sang to me. A flat earth that holds the best and worst of humanity, often balled into a single person, with Underearth and Innerearth and Upperearth holding gods that have grown so distant they no longer recall humans were their creation at all.

I have always loved mythology and these books? These are myth.

2. Pan’s Labyrinth -dir. by Guillermo del Toro

I’m not from Spain or know Spanish. I knew nothing about the Spanish Civil War when I first saw this movie. And this was the first film I saw that cemented del Toro for me as the only man I would ever trust to turn Tanith Lee’s books into cinema.

I love fairy tales, mythology and folklore. And when you read enough of it, you see how bloody it actually is. How terrifying it is to realize that you’re not the only one in the world, humans aren’t the only ones, there are creatures on the midnight side of reality that share space with you.

And I never really liked the Disney version of fairy tales with “happily ever after” and weddings.

This movie was literally like watching something I’d imagined for myself. The acting was fucking phenomenal, the sets and costumes were off the hook and the comparison of “fairy tale horror” and “real horror” that overlapped just blew me the hell away.

And Doug Jones… Doug Fucking Jones. I never respected mimes until him and now I give all the respect. Being able to act, to breathe real life into a concept and a costume until it becomes a character you could picture walking through a forest or peering around a corner while not being able to use your own voice OR your own facial expressions is a kind of magic I think does not get enough appreciation.

DOUG FUCKING JONES, LADIES, GENTS AND GENDER REBELS.

3. Fatal Frame - Tecmo

I’m a writer/reader, not a gamer. When I have downtime or I want to relax, I almost always gravitate towards a book instead of a video game. The few games I’ve played purely for my own enjoyment have usually been MMOs and involve roleplaying.

Except for the Fatal Frame series.

Survival horror is my favorite game genre and I lamented when Resident Evil became more “survival action” than survival horror. (Fuckin’ lickers in the original Resident Evil game oh my god.) I wanted a survival horror game that had some meat to it, had something really compelling about it.

And I found Fatal Frame.

I love Japanese mythology. I especially love Japanese ghosts. For some reason–maybe out of sheer novelty because I, being an ignorant American raised near the US-Mexico border, have had little exposure to it–Japanese ghosts are my absolute favorites. Yurei (and the other subclassifications) just have something to them that I haven’t found in other mythologies. I’ve read and reread Oiwa and Okiku’s stories, been fascinated by the concept of the Hyakumonogatari Kaidankai and wanted more of what I found.

Which Fatal Frame provided.

Not only do the game mechanics work beautifully for someone as easily startled as I am, but the story behind each individual game is achingly intense. The intricacy of the interwoven histories, the rituals, the underlying question of “was all this really necessary or was this a priesthood trying to stay in power”… I love absolutely everything about these games.

4. “The Blue Sword” by Robin McKinley

I’m not going to lie–this book took me forever to actually read. The first two pages were so achingly boring that I had no fucking clue why my mother had recommended it to me.

And then one day, bereft of anything else to read, I flipped through it. I still distinctly remember the line that made me stop and go “wait, what?” – “…your horse tells me where you’ve been…”

me: wait what horses can talk in this? wtf? *flips to the beginning and sits down to fuckin’ read it*

Slogging through those first few pages? Worth it. Because Harry/Hari/Harimad was the first heroine I’d ever encountered that I could imagine myself being. She was too gangly and not particularly pretty and kind of clumsy. She didn’t draw admiring eyes everywhere she went, spent a lot of time going ‘I can’t do this wtf’ and had aches and saddlesores.

Meeting Harry felt like seeing myself on a page for the first time in my life. And seeing someone with flaws like me going through adventure and fighting and succeeding and failing and getting a happily ever after felt like a warm blanket. Like someone had written a book just to tell me: “It’s okay that you’re not beautiful or graceful or soft-spoken and elegant. It’s okay that you’re clumsy and a goof and your hair is fuzzy as fuck because you can be a heroine, too.”

5. “Whoever Fights Monsters” by Robert K. Ressler

No, I’m not a serial killer. :D Nor am I an FBI profiler.

However, after reading “The Silence of the Lambs” by Thomas Harris for the first time in ninth grade, I was fascinated by serial killers. Like… how did they do it? How did they get away with it? WHY did they do it? What kind of person did things like this? I wanted to know so much more and I started grabbing every book on serial killers that I possibly could find.

And the reaction of classmates and teachers who saw my reading material was… less than stellar. Even my mother was vaguely worried about what I was getting out of reading all…that.

It felt like my fascination with serial killer psychology was a flaw in my character that no one else seemed to share. Until I read “Whoever Fights Monsters” and saw Robert K. Ressler talking about the exact same thing. He wasn’t a “sicko” or a “freak” or a “lunatic” or a “killer-in-training” for being fascinated by the psychology of humans who could treat other humans like a moment’s disposable entertainment.

And suddenly, neither was I.

6. American Horror Story: Hotel - FX

‘American Horror Story’ is entirely my thing. Interwoven narratives of fascinating (and often awful) people combining “American horror history” with interpersonal storylines? Yes, thank you, I’ll take a dozen.

This season in particular, however, is just more for me than any other.

Maybe it’s the vampires that are self-obsessed and not particularly powerful but end up with petty grudges and complaints. Or the ghosts that bitch and whine at each other, find consolation together, use Twitter and spend their long, long days doing little more than drinking, smoking and obsessing over their lives and deaths. Maybe it’s the single location with so many years of history weaving together like a book of short stories.

I love ‘Hotel’ because it feels like Brandenburg to me. I could so easily see the entire season taking place in my fictional city and mentally insert my own characters into the show without losing a single step.

Also Kathy Bates is absolutely glorious and I desperately wish to be a tenth as glamorous as Liz Taylor.

7. “The Butterfly Garden” by Dot Hutchinson

Books about serial killers? Yes, please.

Books about serial killers told by a victim who barely survived and understands what trauma really means? Yes, please.

What especially got me about this book is my thing for dioramas. The first one I ever remember seeing was in the El Paso Museum of Archaeology (yes, I’m from El Paso, Texas) and it always both frightened and fascinated me.

^ This one in particular would keep me motionless for ten or twenty minutes at a time, kind of terrified at a house within a building and then absolutely enthralled at a house inside a building.

And the dioramas mentioned in “The Butterfly Garden” were akin to those in “The Cell” –some terrible, awful glimpse into someone’s mind that was visualized and externalized in a permanent way.

8. “War for the Oaks” by Emma Bull

I love the fae.

And I also have read enough to know that those sprightly little fucks are terrifying and humans are rarely left unscathed by them.

This book was my introduction to “urban fantasy,” much as Charles de Lint was my introduction to what I consider “mythic fantasy” and a city that felt so much like my own.

And what was so quintessentially, absolutely me about this book��other than the main love interest being the Phouka :D :D :D–was the underlying theme about creativity.

It’s a driving force, a magic that humans have. It’s uniquely human (as far as we know) and often the only talisman against the dark that we’ve got. With creativity, there’s magic. There’s a spark of something beyond the mundane realities of survival. Creativity is a sword and shield all in one, complete with a lure to bring others along with you.

Whether it’s through music, art, poetry or graphic design, creativity is the actual drive for immortality that pushes us to reach beyond ourselves and touch those we have no possibility of seeing or speaking to in our own short, real lives.

9. Good Omens - Neil Gaiman/BBC

I loved the book when it came out. I didn’t expect to love the mini-series. I especially didn’t expect to love the mini-series for the #IneffableHusbands.

I won’t belabor the point about why this is on my list. The #IneffableHusbands tag on my OOC blog is enough. :D

10. What We Do in the Shadows - Jemaine Clement, Taika Waititi

Vampires who are as absurd, incapable and oblivious as me? Yes. All of my yes.

Having played the old World of Darkness tabletop games for years--and absolutely fallen in love with them--I found this movie and was in absolute heaven. These are vampires I can actually imagine hanging out with. These are vampires (and werewolves) I can envision walking around a city.

Noble creatures of the night don’t seem real to me (aside from the obvious reasons.) The supernaturals in this movie? They felt like people I knew. Like people I could meet or characters I’d written myself.

I like the fantastical being put into the mundane--which is why my genre is ‘urban fantasy’ although I have such an eye-twitch about it being all supernatural detectives chasing various pieces of ass now--and I especially love it when the fantastical doesn’t outweigh the mundane.

Imagining vampires vacuuming and riding the bus fits in nicely with my desperate belief (and hope) that the fantastical isn’t JUST imaginary but actually exists.

{And there, I’m restricting this to 10 or we’ll be here all NIGHT.}

#Asks #Writing is life #Books are life #Here are Angel's specific likes and dislikes #as shown through visual aid

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familyabolisher · 2 years ago

Text

it’s interesting what this appeal to ‘porn’ is expected to do as a qualifier to the mere presence of ‘misery’ or ‘trauma’ in a text (which are not in themselves necessarily condemnatory properties—that they are pornographic in nature is the appeal to narrative failure being made); drawing on reactionary presuppositions about who makes and consumes erotica and why to position the (satisfied) audience as voyeuristic & somewhat licentious & the text itself something intended to titillate & the creator as similarly participating in/enabling this effective orgy of spectacle. & this criticism is deployed to in part push back against the sort of accusation of audience voyeurism that that framework makes; like, paradoxically applied to at once position and resist the positioning of oneself as titillated & implicitly condemned consumer (like: "this pornographic affect is bad, and anyone who enjoys this work is in effect bad by virtue of being positioned as the unethical consumer; my condemnation of the text removes me from this category.") whilst at the same time communicating particular assumptions about the intentions of the creator. (imo, a criticism which rests on unverified appeals to creator's intent or lack thereof is often flimsy at best, but that's not the only dimension to all this, so.) like, a criticism whose bedrock is that eroticism is a de facto debased and condemnatory state.

but, like, the suggestion seems to be that a narrative in which a series of traumatising / upsetting / violent etc. events take place with little, let's say, "point" to them, such that their emotive drive never reaches a state of catharsis (with the caveat that catharsis is highly subjective and many would say that the Misery Narrative, as it were, is generative of catharsis on the part of the audience!) or some other kind of narrative tapering-off wherein their presence feels justified is one which can only then be engaged with through the framework of voyeurism and titillation that the 'trauma/misery porn' claim provides. which i don't think is true! and i think harboring suspicion towards anyone compelled by such a narrative is an easy slip into reactionary thinking.

i guess i just don’t buy the suggestion that the presence of trauma or suffering that can’t be made edifying or otherwise placated in-narrative is de facto a narrative failing, or that a person's engagement with narratives that deal heavily in trauma or suffering is fair cause for them to be be painted as some kind of lecherous voyeur (or even that like, what you could call the Sickos Response is bad, or one that needs purging from one's critical faculties. not to state the obvious but fiction isn't real, in the sense that what is happening in a narrative is not a literal transposition of actual real-world events taking place coterminously.); like, just calling something 'trauma/misery porn' and calling it a day does not make for a substantial critique. it's a very mathematical approach to narrative; anything that doesn't factor into an imagined equation wherein the narrative is made critically legible (ie. you found the 'answer') is superfluous, and that perceived superfluity is problematised when it invokes discomfort in its audience such that it has to be explained away via a gratuity that we then have to position as odious.

i'm not arguing universally in favour for these sorts of narratives, because i think that would be as reductive as attempting to write them all off under one umbrella of very broad and specious claims about their morally suspect character; i'm just like, thinking about the conditions that giving 'trauma porn'/'misery porn' that particular critical currency begins to set & the assumptions (about porn, about eroticism, about what it means both to create & engage with erotic works) that go into the claim that a work being pornographic is indicative of its being bad. i think spectacle and exploitation (and the question of how + where/whether we can we draw hard boundaries between spectacle that exploits our emotional faculties & spectacle that appeals to and enhances them & whether the latter category could fairly be called spectacle—i could follow this train of thought for hours frankly lol) are highly valuable touchpoints for evaluating art, but i'm very suspicious of the language used to effectively skim the surface of what could be far more interrogative conversations.

terms like "trauma porn," "misery porn," etc as presumed indictments of a text are like ... such unserious gestures towards "criticism" lmao

#anyway where's the post that went like #calling a work saccharine and masturbatory to indicate that it is awesome like sugar and cranking off

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preserving-ferretbrain · 6 years ago

Text

Sarah Monette, the Victim Dilemma, the Aesthetic of Suffering and the Uncanny Valley of Arse Rape

by Wardog

Monday, 27 April 2009

Wardog fails to finish Sarah Monette's Corambis.~

Massive massive massive massive spoilers for about 1/3 of the book. Also, as the title suggests, this article is about nasty things so don’t read if you’re likely to be upset

Preramble (like a preamble but … d’you see?)

This is a bleak day indeed. I just got my hands on a copy of Corambis, the much-anticipated (by me at least) concluding part to Sarah Monette’s Doctrine of Labyrinths quartet and the truth of it is, I don’t think I can finish it.

Oh, Sarah, what happened? I do still love you, I just don’t think it’s working out.

I think it’s partially problems associated with reading through a series over a lengthy period of time. When I read Melusine, The Virtu was already out in hardback and I tore through at them enthusiastically, so drawn into the world and the characters that I barely noticed they were so heavily saturated in angst and woe that one could drown in it by simply opening the book a little recklessly. There was a bit of a wait for The Mirador – which I seem to recall I felt slightly less positively about but still adored – and I fell upon Mehitabel Parr’s I’m sure welcoming bosom to save me from the tidal waves of A&W. As much as I love Felix and Mildmay, it was Mehitabel’s narrative voice that made The Mirador bearable for me. It was such a necessary contrast to the boys: someone with some redeeming sense of self-irony, hurrah!

Of course, Mehitabel isn’t in Corambis. And, God, I miss her. There is a new viewpoint character, Kay Brightmore, blinded and imprisoned and weighed down by the terrible military failure that kicks off the book. He’s basically lost everything that ever mattered to him, can no longer fight on account of being blind and, needless to say, he has angst out the wazoo about it. I was broken and crying by Chapter three.

And, quite frankly, I just can’t take it. I know there is redemption in the future of these characters (characters I really care about, having spent three books with them), I know there is self-actualisation and the potential for happiness, I know because I cheated and looked, but I’ve really really struggled with Corambis. The worst of it is, I’m sure it will be a triumphant and satisfying conclusion to the quartet. Sarah Monette is an excellent writer, I love her world, I love the way she uses language, I love her characters, I love everything about her but I think I’m going to have to accept the fact I simply can’t read her.

Oh, Sarah, what happened? I do still love you, it’s not you, it’s me.

Maybe in a couple of years we’ll be able to work something out.

I think circumstances might be playing into this unhappy state of affairs as well. When I read the early books, there wasn’t a cloud in my sky. But having emerged from a rather bleak year, there’s something a little too close in all that guilt and grief and self-loathing and despair, and I can’t distance myself enough from it to enjoy it. There is a systematic aestheticisation of suffering to be found in all of Monette’s books. I’m not going to try and argue that as either a positive or negative quality in her work. I think it’s probably neutral: it’s

something

art

does

sometimes

. I acknowledge the difference between literary suffering and real suffering, in that there can be a romance in the former which is impossible in the latter. Also literary suffering exists in a wider, symbolic and allegorical sphere than that of an individual having shitty things done to them by life or others, mainly, I suspect, because it’s not real. Take madness – there is something deeply attractive and romantic about the artistic representation of madness (like Felix’s madness in Melusine) and it’s perfectly possible to appreciate that, and to find in it a kind of beauty, without ignoring the genuine distress suffered by the mentally ill. In short, Ophelia is not my friend who killed herself last year.

But the boundaries between the fictional and the real are not comprehensively signposted. There isn’t a traceable spectrum between Lavinia, daughter of Titus Andronicus, and Elizabeth Short. And ultimately I think there comes an impossible point when the literary and the real collide, corrupt each other and prove they are utterly irreconcilable and yet simultaneously inseparable. Yes, they must be understood as different things operating in a different way – a painting of St Sebastian is not the same as footage of the prisoners at Guantanamo bay – but there comes a point when it is necessary to remember what it is that’s being aestheticised and ask yourself why.

Page 152

Okay, so, there’s a gang-rape scene in Corambis.

Felix – former prostitute, broken gay wizard with ex-cruel master and traumatic past - ends up subjecting himself a thaumaturgic orgy in order to earn money to pay for his ailing brother’s medicine.

It’s awful.

It’s not that it’s explicit, just awful.

And I’m no wuss, okay. I’ve read Last Exit to Brooklyn. I’ve read The Wasp Factory. I’ve read American Psycho.

But something about this scene in this book bought me a first class ticket on the ARGH! Train and whizzed me straight out of my comfort zone.

It’s strange to say that something is “outside your comfort zone” in that it feels like a confession of personal failure (also something that’s outside my comfort zone). And then I thought about it more, and I thought: hey, so what, gang-rape is outside my comfort zone. Surely that’s normal. Gang-rape is absolutely something that should be outside all our comfort zones. But here’s where it gets complicated: in fact, fictional gang-rape is not outside my comfort zone. I play H-games, for God’s sake, where they’re ten a penny. You can’t take two steps in an H-game without stubbing your toe on a gang rape. So it’s something more specific than that. It was something about this particular portrayal of it.

It’s not shock value. Felix gets himself sexually abused on a pretty regular basis, so much so, in fact, that it’s kind of part of the fun, and it’s very much tied into Monette’s aesthetic of suffering.

I could not see, and I could barely hear, save for my own harsh breathing. But I could feel. I could Malkar’s hands like silk, running up and down my back, tracing the scars, the old palimpsest of pain. I could feel his body arching against me, his bulk, his heat. I felt his hands slide under my hips, stroking, exciting, felt the stiffness of him against my thigh. Pain, then, but not too much. Pain … and arousal all woven together like a tapestry. I was moaning, gasping; the only word I could form were “Please, Malkar, please, lease,” and I didn’ tknow if I was begging him to stop or continue. Not that it would made the slightest difference either way.

Let’s pin our colours to the mast here. That’s beautiful. Terrible, but beautiful and absolutely literary in its unrealness. It’s also about as accurate a portrayal of sexual abuse than St Sebastian up there is of martyrdom. Perhaps I’m just an irredeemable sicko but I’m pretty sure it’s there, to an extent, to be enjoyed, partially as spectacle (straight women do not generally write about beautiful gay boys sexing each other manipulatively because it’s a Serious Social Issue) and, also, partially as vindication for all the crappy things that have been done to innumerable female characters in a seventy years of fantasy fiction. I’m not, of course, advocating backlash (more manrape!) but there is something compelling and, even perhaps comforting, in characters like Felix, Alec and friends, these beautiful men, who are as sexually vulnerable as women, suffer and fear the sort of things women suffer and fear, and are very much created to be subjects of an extra-textual female gaze and the intra-textual male gaze. I’m not saying that men don’t get raped and looked at, but the sheer saturation is demonstrably less. I am not trying to say that what happens to Felix at the start of Melusine isn’t dreadful. It is. But it’s a literary violation, and it reduces him to a literary madness that is as terrible and as beautiful as the horror that creates it.

But let’s talk about gang rape. Now there’s something you don’t say everyday.

The scene itself written in a very similar style – opulent, not too explicit although more explicit than above, and contains the same awkward issues of dubious consent. In Melusine, Felix chooses to go to Malkar in a fit of self loathing. In Corambis he agrees theoretically to an orgy in order to raise money for Mildmay’s medical treatment. In both cases what ends up happening to him is far more devastating than what he originally signed up for but, equally, there’s an element of complicity to it. If you return to your abusive master, expect to get abused. If you agree to be the centerpiece of an orgy, expect to get fucked. This abject stupidity is granted a psychological plausibility because Felix is a messed up little bunny, with a supposedly tragic conviction of his own profound worthlessness.

Obviously I don’t want to get into real issues here, but I think the reason the dubious consent became one of the bothering aspects of the scene in Corambis is that the sex abuse came plot-approved. I mean, if Felix was walking down the street and happened to get jumped and gang raped by a bunch of guys I think many a reader might rightly cry “Sarah Monette, what the fuck?” as there are very few occasions in which it is either appropriate or necessary to get one of your characters gang raped. But this way he has a “real” reason to put himself voluntarily into a position where he might be. It’s even, perhaps, meant to be on some level noble – in a hopelessly fucked up way, of course. So what you end up with is a deeply uncomfortable situation in which everything conspires, including (conveniently) Felix himself, to create a scenario in which a horrible but beautifully written gang rape is, to an extent, okay. And this is where the aesthetic of suffering starts to come apart at the seams.

Essentially this scene falls right into the uncanny valley. If it was purely designed for titillation I wouldn’t have a problem with it, but as it is there are elements are titillation and elements of horror. We are meant to be shocked and appalled – and it is shocking and appalling – but it’s framed in such a way that we are simultaneously liberated to relish the aesthetic. And quite frankly that leaves a bad taste in my mouth. I think there’s something profoundly hypocritical and, indeed, deeply disturbing in the idea of enjoying both moral outrage and illicit sexual excitement (see Joss Whedon’s Dollhouse). The scene bears all the hallmarks of erotic non-con (there are elements of psychological exposure as well as physical, the victim is physically aroused throughout, the abusers are appreciative of his beauty and his apparent eagerness, and so on and so forth) but worked through a guilt-appeasing filter of “oh gosh, isn’t this terrible.”

My ankles were still chained and somebody had me scruffed like a kitten; I was keening in protest, but I was dragged upright, forced to straddle someone’s thighs, while he continued fucking me with the same relentless steadiness. I was displayed for all of them, my arousal jutting out shamelessly, the tear tracks on my face attesting to my weakness.

Now, I know that, unlike erotic non-con, Felix is not secretly into what’s being done to him and that he’s breaking and being broken here but you still have a scene that’s running in two directions simultaneously and trying to have its cake and eat it. It goes out of its way to tick the non-con wink-wink boxes but then slaps you face in the face with its insistence that this a terrible and traumatic event. Essentially you can’t have a gorgeously written gang rape that positions itself within a carefully constructed aesthetic framework and a psychologically accurate and traumatic portrait of a terrible ordeal.

And, ultimately, I guess you have to ask yourself if it’s okay to have an aesthetic gang rape scene full stop. The idea bothers me less as pornography but here, I would argue, that it gains an added erotic piquancy from the fact it really is annihilating Felix, which, again is troublesome. Essentially it’s why raping Clarissa is so much more interesting than raping Justine, and why it’s all right to get off on the latter and not the former.

The more I’ve thought about this and tried to articulate my issues with it, the more complex and convoluted it has become. There is, of course, an element of the purely personal about – I didn’t like it and it upset me – as well as these more abstract, intellectualizations of it. I dug around on Monette’s Livejournal – on which is usually charming and sensible – to see what I could find and, lo and behold, she has written quite comprehensively on the subject, which I shall now quote pretty much in its entirety:

I knew from very early on that Felix was going to turn back to prostitution to get the money for a doctor for someone he loved (I knew this was going to happen before I knew Mildmay existed), and I knew that he was going to end up in a situation that was completely out of his control and that hurt him badly. Because Felix is reckless and self-destructive and because under all his vanity, he doesn't think he's worth protecting. And because it is a kind of answering horror to his being raped by Malkar at the beginning of Mélusine. And because he needed something that would force him to confront these issues--force him to see that he doesn't deserve to be abused--and it had to be something superlatively unbearable if it was going to get through to him, because Felix has way too much experience at ignoring his own pain.

Say what? So it’s redemptive gang rape, the sort makes you a stronger and better person? What … the … fuck? It’s like those Hollywood amnesia plotlines (one blow to the head gives you amnesia, another blow cures it) except with sexual abuse. I know, again, we’re operating in a fictional sphere but this is so made of wrong that I’ll just content myself with linking to Dan’s article on

the victim dilemma

and throw my hands up in despair.

I quite enjoy Monette’s aestheticisation of suffering, I could probably navigate the uncanny valley if I really had to but I am sick to death of male fantasy writers using sexual abuse as a textual shortcut for character development and I’m damned if I’m going to deal with women doing the same thing. Sarah Monette, you are better than this.

Sexual abuse is not good for you. It happens and people react. Constantly depicting characters who react to it in courageous and life-enhancing ways is not empowering, it’s fucking demeaning to people who struggle along every day as best they can.

I’m sure in a different time in a different mood I’ll pick up Corambis again and I’ll get to page 152 and I’ll shrug and go “gang rape, meh” and read right on.

But not today.Themes:

Damage Report

Books

Sarah Monette

Sci-fi / Fantasy

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Arthur B

at 14:44 on 2009-04-27It's depressing when series go south like this. It's especially annoying when they burn down the virtues of the earlier volumes. I was looking at your first Monette review and you were saying how you were impressed by the fact that Felix was gay, but it kind of wasn't a big deal; I'm getting the impression that as the series goes on that becomes less true, since that LJ extract makes it sounds like Monette intended all along to reduce Felix to a weepy gay man being abused by angry gay men. (If I'm interpreting that right - if Felix pimping himself out predates the existence of Mildmay, that means that Monette was planning to make this happen since before the first book, right?)

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Wardog

at 15:11 on 2009-04-27Mmm, that's part of the problem though. I don't actually think it's "gone south" - despite the Xtreme angst I was quite absorbed until page 152. It was merely that scene that tripped me out. I'm sure if I could put it behind me and just get on with the book, I'd probably really like it.

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Rude Cyrus

at 20:32 on 2009-04-27Great, now I need a shower.

While I suppose rape can be presented as being aesthetically pleasing, like in erotic non-con, I still don't like it. I've always found consenting sex between happy, willing partners infinitely more pleasurable -- don't ask me why. This sort of stuff just makes my skin crawl.

What's funny is that I can make it through The 120 Days of Sodom without blinking, but I think that's because De Sade insisted on using the driest, most tortured language possible.

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Wardog

at 21:15 on 2009-04-27Sorry Cyrus. I'm not sure but I think it's probably easier to be into erotic non-con / rape fantasy if you're a woman than a man, either because you're more likely to imagine yourself as the rapee rather than the rapist which is slightly easier to deal with morally speaking or because the world seems generally reluctant to admit that women can rape people too. Whereas if you're a man who fantasies about forcing women to have sex with him ... well ... hostility many ensue from quarters unwilling to concede the very real difference between fantasy, reality and simulated non-con.

Hmm, I think the thing about 120 Days of Sodom is that, as you say, it's incredibly dull. And de Sade is a terrible writer. There's only one thing worse than a rape scene and that's a badly written rape scene!

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Arthur B

at 21:18 on 2009-04-27I do wonder sometimes whether deSade was an early pen-and-paper troll. Most of his books seem to be the literary equivalent of telling someone a particular link goes to an interesting and thought-provoking philosophy website when actually it points to goatse or 2girls1cup.

I mean, he went to jail for it, but you have to make sacrifices for "the lulz", as I believe the young people call it these days.

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http://roisindubh211.livejournal.com/

at 02:43 on 2009-04-28"Constantly depicting characters who react to it in courageous and life-enhancing ways is not empowering, it’s fucking demeaning to people who struggle along every day as best they can."

I have to disagree here- not with the point you make, but with the accusation being levelled at Monette. Felix has spent three books getting abused and every reaction to it has been, basically, "I was right all along, I am worthless. Hmmm, should I hurt myself again or just re-alienate everyone who cares about me tonight?" The enormity of the gang-rape is something he's not prepared to consider his just desserts, and it isn't the only influence on his growth as a person. A lot has to do with having Mildmay -who has been developing his own self-confidence, on his own, without the help of shitty things happening to him- be there for him and push and push to get him (Felix) not to hurt himself any more.

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Wardog

at 09:13 on 2009-04-28

The enormity of the gang-rape is something he's not prepared to consider his just desserts, and it isn't the only influence on his growth as a person.

I do see your point and I wasn't really dissing Monette, who I actually adore. There was just something about this scene, or the way it was presented, or *something* that was a bridge too far for me. And at first I was inclined to just ignore it and tell myself to stop being a wuss and then I got interested in *why* this scene was so problematic and, secondarily, I realised that, on a wider level, it should probably be okay to stand up and say "for me, this gang rape is not okay."

I will at some point finish Corambis, because I have *hugely* enjoyed the Doctrine of Labyrinths quartet (I have some reviews knocking around here in which I give much sweet sweet love), I think I just need some time to get away from the gang rape.

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Wardog

at 09:29 on 2009-04-28

I do wonder sometimes whether deSade was an early pen-and-paper troll

Dan and I like the idea of historical trolls, and also explains the Marquis far more than most of pop-psych nonsense I've read does =P

Lucifer, of course, would be the first troll - complaining about the mods.

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http://miss-morland.livejournal.com/

at 11:54 on 2009-04-28*giggles at the thought of de Sade and Lucifer as trolls*

I haven't read Monette's books, but I still found this post very interesting - it articulates my issues with non-con and dub-con in fiction very well. (I do wonder, though, if ambiguous portrayals of rape scenes are sometimes meant to make the readers think and question their own attitudes, instead of jumping to the safe reaction of 'OMG so horrible'?)

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Dan H

at 14:25 on 2009-04-28

I do wonder, though, if ambiguous portrayals of rape scenes are sometimes meant to make the readers think and question their own attitudes, instead of jumping to the safe reaction of 'OMG so horrible'?)

You might well be right, but even if that is the intent, it's a deeply flawed one.

Perhaps I'm just an arrogant shit, but I really hate it when people try to make me think about stuff unless it's in a medium *specifically designed* for that.

If you want to challenge my preconceptions about rape, write a book that is *about* challenging my preconcieved notions about rape. Don't try to do it in the middle of a fantasy series that is mostly about hot gay wizards gettin' it on.

If I want to have my ideas about absuse challenged, I'll read Lolita, or possibly I'll track down some abuse-survivors' weblogs. I won't read an otherwise ordinary fantasy novel or, for that matter, watch

Dollhouse

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Dan H

at 16:05 on 2009-04-28

The enormity of the gang-rape is something he's not prepared to consider his just desserts

I can't speak for Kyra, but the problem I have with this is that it suggests, falsely, that the more traumatic an experience is the less likely you are to blame yourself for it. I'm by no means an expert on the subject of abuse survival but from my limited experience people's tendency to self-blame for things is wholly unrelated to the severity of the abuse suffered. For that matter, the whole idea of rating abuse experiences in order of severity is a bit of a dodgy precedent.

Essentially I think there's an important, and worrying, difference between "Felix has experienced things like this before but, because he has grown as a person, and because of the influence of Mildmay, he does not blame himself for this experience" and "Felix has experienced things like this before but, because this experience is so much worse than the others, he cannot blame himself for it".

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http://sistermagpie.livejournal.com/

at 21:38 on 2009-05-01I haven't read this last book yet, but I'm glad for the heads-up. Having read the other 3 I can definitely see how this kind of thing would play, and I'm not surprised that she'd planned something like this from the beginning. It does make you think thought, about the idea that this character is constantly going through situations like this, and it's finally when he acheives the kind of abuse he might have always thought would be what he deserved, that he realizes he didn't deserve it. Even if Mildmay and other experiences are also part of his turnaround, I don't know whether that kind of catalyst will click for me the way another one might.

Like, rather than having him be in a situatio that's the same as before, but with one clear difference that makes him see it clearly, it's almost like Helen Keller at the well. Repeated fingerspelling over and over and finally he gets it.

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Wardog

at 15:28 on 2009-05-11I lost this temporarily in the deluge of comments about other things.

It is possible I've over-reacted to the gang rape; I suppose responses to these sort of motifs are always going to be extremely personal. I feel almost hypocritical because, as you say, there's plenty of indication previously that we were on the Sex Abuse Superhighway and something like this was probably bound to happen. But the way it's framed and written, combinated with its narrative function as a catalyst for change really really squicked me out. I know it's not necessarily meant to be psychologically plausible but there's something deeply worrying in the idea that there is a scale of sexual abuse, the extreme end of which teaches you self respect.

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valse de la lune

at 14:04 on 2011-07-12I tracked down

this interview

and I'm now extremely, thoroughly grossed out with Sarah Monette:

I think this does happen to gay male protagonists (the most obvious example is Mercedes Lackey's Last Herald-Mage books). And I think Felix does fall into this trap to a certain extent, although in my defense I will say that the reason he gets raped is because I was interested in the tension inherent in a character who could be both rapist and victim. Which could have been a woman, or a heterosexual man, but it was most obvious and easiest to mobilize with a gay man. I also chose a gay male protagonist because my abiding interest is in the power dynamics of human relationships, especially sexual relationships, and it is VERY VERY HARD to write about that with a heterosexual female protagonist without pigeon-holing her and yourself into either a re-inscription of patriarchal gender roles (male dominant, female submissive) or a simple gender reversal (female dominant, male submissive) (which I did work with some in my novella, "A Gift of Wings," in The Queen in Winter). A lesbian relationship is also a possibility, but it's far more interesting and attention-grabbing to take power away from a man than it is to give power to a woman. [...] Also, because we live in a patriarchal society and have for several thousand years, there's nothing new or shocking about the idea that women are victims. (I'm not saying this is a good thing, mind you.) You can get more narrative charge out of victimizing a man and you aren't reinscribing the same old gender role patterns into that ever deeper groove of men act and women suffer.

What the fuck, Monette? My word, lesbian relationships aren't just ~hawt~ enough unlike slender

yaoi stereotypes

wizards sexing it up and... female empowerment is just too boring? Female victimization is just too

banal

to write about so gay men being degraded (and in this case, often raped by women) has more "narrative charge"? There's also something toward the end that basically goes "well, if you are writing about male rape it's super

titillating

shocking so people will recognize RAPE IS HORRIBLE whereas women being raped is just so

every day

so... hey, manpain! That'll get people

thinking

, right? Right!"

I don't know, all of this reads like the slash fangirl's justification why she's not interested in writing girls but wants to write hot boys instead, all disguised under a pretend layer of ~*soshul justeese*~.

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Wardog

at 23:33 on 2011-07-12Oh dear. I'm actually really annoyed with myself that it took me to Book IV to unpack what was going on with the, err, sexay mainpain and all the arse rape. I did quite like Monette initially - I think partially because when I first read Melusine I was still under the impression that gay characters were pretty rare in fantasy. To give Monette credit, when she actually bothers to be interested in them, she does write interesting female characters - I mean I *loved* Mehitabel from this series.

I think what freaks me out the most is that, as you observe, it's blatant titillation under the label of trangression. I have no problems with people getting their kicks from whatever they get their kicks from, as long as it's a carefully demarcated fantasy space, but pretending it's anything else is deeply toxic.

Also that interview was just awful :(

Maybe it's just because it doesn't apply to me but I don't understand why so many women find two dudes so unbelievably hawt but two women apparently tedious. Ho hum.

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valse de la lune

at 05:06 on 2011-07-13I think gay characters are still pretty rare in fantasy, but the gay dudes all seem to come from the same wellspring of fanfic tropes. I've read all the arguments as to why dudeslash is a female-positive space that enables women to explore their sexuality and I do get some of it, but I can't shake the feeling that so much of that is hot air; no matter how hard a slash fan argues I can't really see how spamming rape at gay dudes is particularly, y'know, feminist. Maybe it plays with power dynamics and whatnot but, on the other hand,

rape culture

I don't get the thing with YAY HAWT BOYS EWW GIRLS ARE BORING either, though it's been explained to me that most female characters aren't decently written so people'd sooner generate fanfic about boys instead. But that doesn't fly because fandom churns out great volumes of fanfic dedicated to minor male characters, even though some of them barely have a presence in the book/show/movie--see Figwit of the LOTR movies fame--whereas women, primary or tertiary, still get written out or villified. There are even

bingo cards

. Somewhere in that

a valid clause regarding how we're trained to look at media through male gateways thanks to patriarchy and we internalize that. Still don't get it on a personal level because I've always preferred female characters over male, but there it goes.

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Melissa G.

at 06:30 on 2011-07-13

Maybe it's just because it doesn't apply to me but I don't understand why so many women find two dudes so unbelievably hawt but two women apparently tedious. Ho hum.

Speaking as a straight woman who gets paid to translate yaoi, I can understand that pretty well. :-) It's not that I find girls boring as characters, but as someone who isn't sexually attracted to women, I find myself gravitating toward situations where I can look at/write about two sexy boys instead if I'm looking for smexy times. (Though I'm very, very picky these days about yaoi because of tropes I'm sure I've mentioned before.)

I feel some sympathy for Monette because I do have a hard time verbalizing my tastes without resorting to those same basic arguments about power play or feeling the need to judge the female character and how she is portrayed specifically because she's female (which I wish I didn't, but I do so...). What I find odd is the fact that everyone insists on asking me *why* I find male-on-male romance so appealing, and then I'm stuck in this hem-hawing, putting-on-airs defense because I'm too embarrassed to just go, "Two guys doing stuff to each other is hot?"

(Uh-oh, now I'm having Dorian Gray flashbacks. Oh, Ben Barnes, you scamp, you!!)

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Steve Stirling at 07:07 on 2011-07-13

I don't get the thing with YAY HAWT BOYS EWW GIRLS ARE BORING either

-- you get exactly the same in reverse from male writers a lot, so I don't see that there's any mystery about it.

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valse de la lune

at 07:20 on 2011-07-13I don't think Kyra's asking "why male-on-male?" but more "why do people find women inexplicably boring?"

but as someone who isn't sexually attracted to women, I find myself gravitating toward situations where I can look at/write about two sexy boys instead if I'm looking for smexy times.

That doesn't make sense to me because, even outside of sexual context, a lot of slashers just don't want to write women period and I'm sure we don't always only write about what's sexually/romantically attractive to us (or no straight man would ever write male characters).

It also doesn't really answer why women are so villified and hated by fandom at large: why people like Monette believe "it's more interesting to take power away from a man than to give power to a woman," or why slash is passed off as some wonderful female-positive space when it involves a lot of female-negative things, including but not limited to slut-shaming and othering women. Ogle hot boys, whatever (but even so, why so much fucking rape all the fucking time? Why the infantilizing tropes?). But I think you can do that without contributing to misogyny and rape culture.

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Steve Stirling at 07:24 on 2011-07-13

I don't think Kyra's asking "why male-on-male?" but more "why do people find women inexplicably boring?"

-- I don't. I actually had to start flipping coins at one point to make sure my characters weren't predominantly female.

Maybe it's because I was in single-sex schools for a lot of my adolescence, but I just find women more interesting than men. More complex and variable, on average.

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Steve Stirling at 07:38 on 2011-07-13

Ogle hot boys, whatever (but even so, why so much fucking rape all the fucking time? Why the infantilizing tropes?). But I think you can do that without contributing to misogyny and rape culture.

-- I don't read much (any, really) slash, but the actually-published equivalents like the book described here don't seem particularly misogynist to me. Just obsessed with Hot Boys in Chains.

As for the rape and stuff, a lot of people get off on that. Trying to tell people that the sexual fantasies which ring their chimes aren't permissible is roughly equivalent to trying to scold water until it voluntarily runs uphill. Much effort, little result.

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valse de la lune

at 07:45 on 2011-07-13

I don't. I actually had to start flipping coins at one point to make sure my characters weren't predominantly female.

Thank you, Minority Warrior, but if you are a bloke that's not exactly addressed to you.

I don't read much (any, really) slash, but the actually-published equivalents like the book described here don't seem particularly misogynist to me. Just obsessed with Hot Boys in Chains.

I've only read the first book and the gang-rape scene in the fourth, but a lot of the women in this series like to rape gay men for some strange reason.

Melusine

opens with an anecdote about the pure, true love between men. Two women get between it; one proceeds to rape one of the men repeatedly until he wants to kill himself. So, yes, both fandom slash and published slash perpetuate a lot of the same crap. Then there's Monette's interview and strange leaps of illogic which read sexist as hell to me.

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Melissa G.

at 08:48 on 2011-07-13

I can't speak to that. I don't know why so many writers are so anti-female characters, and it would take me pages of musing to try and come to a conclusion. I was referring specifically to sexual situations (by which I mean stories centering on sex) because the comment I was particularly responding to was "why do so many women find two dudes so unbelievably hot but two women apparently tedious". Which I read as "why do so many women love writing about two guys (sexually) but find writing about two women so boring (sexually)". Perhaps I misinterpreted what Kyra was saying. I stated clearly that I don't find women boring as characters to read and write about, but that I understand why many women gravitate toward male homosexual relationships and why they might find it arousing when they are writing merely to titillate themselves/others.

I haven't read the series in question so I take everyone's word for it that the rape isn't handled well and misogyny abounds. And trust me, I'm the first person to get fed up with the kind of tropes male-on-male stuff tends to come with - especially when written by someone who's probably never even spoken to a gay man before. I got fed up with one author in particular because her protagonists kept falling for their rapists, yuck. But just because a lot of it sucks and perpetuates some seriously shitty stuff doesn't mean that it's not okay to find guy-on-guy stuff hot. And I really don't appreciate being made to feel like because I like it, I am somehow in danger of losing my feminist card.

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valse de la lune

at 09:57 on 2011-07-13I don't think I have been suggesting that if you like slash, you're in danger of losing your feminist cred; being a feminist doesn't exactly mean everything you consume must be feminist, after all, and we all enjoy things that are problematic to some degree. I just don't like how it's put forward as a YAY WOMEN field when it's not really. Likewise, I've been shouted down in fandom spaces for calling out misogyny in slash, something along the line of

you will find it is you who is misogyny

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valse de la lune

at 10:06 on 2011-07-13(Sorry that I'm coming down harshly such that you feel you're being discredited as a feminist, though.)

One more thing--I've been told over and over that there is a strong presence of queer women in slash circles, so for some it's not so much a matter of "I'm straight so more cocks yay!!!" In fact, with so many queer women around--so many lesbians even--you'd think there would be more F/F fanfic. But there isn't, so...

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Melissa G.

at 10:23 on 2011-07-13

I don't think I have been suggesting that if you like slash, you're in danger of losing your feminist cred

I think I was responding defensively to this comment:

Ogle hot boys, whatever (but even so, why so much fucking rape all the fucking time? Why the infantilizing tropes?). But I think you can do that without contributing to misogyny and rape culture.

It basically felt to me like my entire sexual preference/fetish/whatever was being boiled down to "ogling hot boys". It’s those kinds of dismissive, judgmental comments that make me feel like I need to somehow justify what I find arousing. That’s why you have people arguing that it’s pro-women or empowering or whatever to write and read man-on-man love stories. When an attraction is called into question, I think often women in particular feel the need to base that attraction in something intellectual and philosophical. Because it would be wrong for a woman to just find something titillating or arousing. Because women aren’t supposed to like sex just for sex.

I think there are ways that it can be empowering (I wouldn't go so far as to say 'feminist'), but most of it fails in this regard. For me, when I read a story with a male bottom that I can relate to as far as sexual behavior, it makes me feel less weird. There's something freeing about the behavior being related to the position and not the gender, for me anyway. I think that also relates to why an author might find it more interesting (and by interesting I mean because they find it hot) to take power away from men. For some women who are attracted to men, there is something very fascinating and seductive about a man submitting (either sexually or emotionally), probably because it's something so commonly associated with female behavior. So again, it becomes less of a gender thing and more of a relationship role thing. If that makes any sense....

I just don't like how it's put forward as a YAY WOMEN field when it's not really.

I totally understand that. I actually avoid fan written slash like the plague because most of it is just not good. Most of it is (I think) influenced by yaoi, which oh dear god, has such problems. There is so much rape and questionable consent and a lot of "I'm only gay for that guy" and such overly traditional female behavior (even though one of them is male, go figure). And the kind of people you've probably argued with are likely the kind of people who make me afraid to admit I'm part of the yaoi subculture.

But there is good stuff out there. I promise. :-)

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Melissa G.

at 10:26 on 2011-07-13

Sorry, I made my long post before I saw this! That is odd. Why don't they focus on yuri? Yuri is slowly becoming a more female dominated genre. It's kind of cool actually that the female authors are slowly co-opting a genre that was once basically male-written lesbian porn for men. To each their own, I guess?

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valse de la lune

at 10:59 on 2011-07-13

It basically felt to me like my entire sexual preference/fetish/whatever was being boiled down to "ogling hot boys".

But... I said that because I think it's pretty dandy if you're just in it for the ogling of hot boys, or balls being cupped gently, or even self-lubing anuses. I don't think you, or anyone else, need to justify it any further than that. Think it's hot? Go for it! That's excellent. Objectifying

men

in and of itself, separate from the concern over straight people fetishizing homosexuality, doesn't really bother me. I'm not questioning the appeal of slash: I'm questioning some of the tropes, the homophobia, the misogyny. Which certainly aren't universal, but there sure is a lot of them to go around. Hell, gay male characters written by straight men also get raped an awful lot (hi Richard Morgan, thank you for that graphic schoolboy gang rape).

Disclosure: I think lesbians are awesome. I'd like to read more stuff with lesbian representation. Being homoromantic does have something to do with it, though.

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Melissa G.

at 11:11 on 2011-07-13

:-) I think it just came off as hostile because of the swearing, lol. To be honest, I was probably overly defensive because it's kind of a touchy thing for me.

I'm not questioning the appeal of slash: I'm questioning some of the tropes, the homophobia, the misogyny.

Yes, I'm with you here. I have a lot of trouble with a lot of boy/boy stuff that's out there.

Re: Lesbians

If you're looking to try out some yuri, I can lead you to some scanlation sites. I haven't read much yuri so I can't totally vouch for the content, but these are sites that I know of:

Lililicious

Payapaya

Just be sure to check for ratings and such. There was one on Lilicious I read years ago that I was enjoying.

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valse de la lune

at 11:14 on 2011-07-13OMG yay :D :D :D Thanks for the links. My friend's been sending me some too. I'm also quite pleased to see that a lot of yuri writers are female. Awesome.

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Cammalot

at 15:23 on 2011-07-13I JUST WANNA WATCH DUDES EMOTE. ;-)

I actually got into yaoi (not slash for whatever reason) because I was attracted to what I thought was the innate equality in such a a relationship. There are a variety of reasons I don't really seek out much fanfic anymore (one of which is the decade-plus that has gone by) but one of them is that I don't really see that equality getting embraced. (I'm necessarily truncating this, I have to imitate being a productive employee at the moment.)

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Melissa G.

at 19:40 on 2011-07-13

I JUST WANNA WATCH DUDES EMOTE. ;-)

Ooh, yes, good observation. I like that too.

I actually got into yaoi (not slash for whatever reason) because I was attracted to what I thought was the innate equality in such a a relationship.

Ditto. That's what I really like about it too, which is why I hate when they skew the power dynamic too far in one direction without somehow compensating for it in another way. I've never been into fanfic, but I do love doujinshi.

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Cammalot

at 19:48 on 2011-07-13I wrote up this whole long comment yesterday, but today with you guys' further conversation I realized I was addressing something that Pyro was not talking about, so I'm tweaking, but I don't think I'll have a chance to get to it today.

The extremely short version is that there's a very definite blockage that some women seem to have about writing women, and I had it myself for some time (and that some more extreme versions of it outright baffle me), and have spent a lot of time trying to process, discuss, and debate what the fuck that is about. With theories. I have theories.

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Melissa G.

at 19:53 on 2011-07-13

The extremely short version is that there's a very definite blockage that some women seem to have about writing women,

Definitely noticed this myself at times. I gravitate toward writing male characters, or at least I used to. I'm very interested to hear your theories whenever you find the time to write them up. :-)

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Sister Magpie

at 20:07 on 2011-07-13

I would guess that that's probably not all that related to the whole "that's my kink" thing, only not all kinks are sexual. That is, expecting them to explain it would probably be similar to having anybody explain why they find one thing more hot than another.

For instance, I like het and I like slash, but there are certain kinds of stories that could definitely be considered non-sexual kinks that I am more likely to read about in a m/m pairing than a f/m pairing or f/f pairing. I suppose I could try to relate it to power issues with gender IRL, but it's probably more just a kink if it's something I've pretty much always been drawn to.

I don't find that rape or "I'm only gay for that guy" seems to dominate most of the slash I come across, but I think that might often come down to different pairings leaning towards different dynamics. Or else also some authors being better than most.

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Steve Stirling at 22:44 on 2011-07-13Pyrofennec:

-of the women in this series like to rape gay men for some strange reason.Melusine opens with an anecdote about the pure, true love between men. Two women get between it; one proceeds to rape one of the men repeatedly until he wants to kill himself.

-- that is odd. I'd say it was evidence of misogyny if a guy wrote it, but I have trouble -imagining- a guy writing it, even a gay man. You'd need a very strange set of quirks to do so.

#Ferretbrain #Corambis #Sarah Monette #Wardog

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