#I KNOW people don’t hate me! I have so many friends I cherish that cherish me! | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

idontplaytrack · 4 months

Text

I Dare You(to love me)

Jos Cleary-Lopez x physically disabled fem! reader

Warnings: MDNI, smut— oral, fingering, kissing, marking, slight overstimulation, first time(reader receiving), fluff, some angst, mentions to surgery & scars.

Reader’s first time reveals some truths about herself to Jos.

Bit of self-insert, sorry not sorry🫢

(Pictures used a from Tumblr & Pinterest)

“y/n, it is the middle of summer. You’re already sweating.” Jos says quietly, “Why are you still wearing long pants?”

You looked back at her, swallowing harshly as you began to panic. You couldn’t let her know, you could never. She’d hate you and be disgusted with you just like anyone else, then. The more you thought about it, the more you felt like crying. You feel the painful lump in your throat and the racing of your heart. Fiddling with your thumbs, you looked down and your crossed legs.

Jos doesn’t back down. She asks again, “Baby, what’s the matter? You can tell me anything, you know that.”

Your fists balled together trying to divert the tears that were pricking your eyes, away. “Look at me, y/n.” She says, moving closer to you. You shook your head, still avoiding her gaze. “Baby, please.” She repeated, hand reaching for your chin and tilting it up so she could see your face. The card game on the floor was long forgotten.

“You’ll just be disgusted by me like everyone else.” You croaked.

Her eyes narrowed, puzzled. But her gaze was soft and filled with obvious concern. “y/n, I don’t— I promise you, nothing about you could make me feel that way.”

“I don’t know how to tell you.” You admit. “I’m scared.” A tear slips from your eye. “I like you so much, Jos. And every time our make-outs almost turn into more and I just— I know I say no to it but it’s not because I don’t want to do it.”

She looks at you, still concerned but listening attentively.

For the lack of better words, you rolled up jeans to show her. “I…have cerebral palsy.” You revealed fearfully, “I had to get surgery twice when I was a kid to make sure I would stop tiptoeing and actually walk because my muscles and tendons were so tight. So by the end of twelve years, two surgeries and four long and very obvious, ugly scars…after many of my friends saw these and got terrified a disgusted by them…I don’t ever show them. Because I know better than to do that.”

She looked at them, then looked at you. You got self-conscious and looked away again. “Baby, they’re not ugly. Okay? And as cheesy as it sounds, they got you to where you are today. It improved your life, you could do more of what you wanted. Kids are assholes sometimes, they didn’t know better. But I do, I know you and those scars and your condition don’t define you. What does define you, however, is how you treat others with so much respect no matter how nasty some people can get with you. You’re kind, you cherish your friends, your family, me. You love me for who I am. y/n, you are perfect the way you are. You are my girlfriend- you’re perfect for me.”

You told yourself not to cry, but of course she still managed to make you cry. You shook your head, desperately rejecting what she was telling you. Your mind didn’t want to accept it even though it was the sort of response you’ve always wanted. You couldn’t believe your ears, and not in a good way. But damn, your eyes watching Jos…how that tank top perfectly hugged her figure? It was making you feel some things. You exhaled harshly, avoiding her eyes again while swiping the tears away, “I’m sorry.”

“What are you sorry for? Don’t ever apologise for things that aren’t your fault.” Jos sat closer to you, tilting your chin again so she could see your face. “I’m just happy you trust me enough and told me so I know what to look out for and help you.”

“I’m not used to such a reaction so I just— I can’t believe it, literally.” You admit, “But thank you, Jos. For not ditching me like everyone else has.”

She doesn’t say anything but smile at you, cupping your cheek and leaning in. Her eyes silently asking for permission to kiss you. You were feeling so many emotions at once, but desire won. You nodded, allowing her to crash her lips onto your own.

“Ever done this before?”

“No.” You mumbled.

“That’s okay, I got you. We'll figure it out together." She assured, "You can show me how you like me to do it."

Fuck. You whined into the kiss as she deepens it, then telling you to sit in her lap. You pulled away, looking at her right in the eye. “Yeah, sit in my lap.” She confirms. “Okay…” You agreed hesitantly and let her pull you onto her lap. Her fingers hooked on the hem of your underwear and your jeans, “Take ‘em off, baby.” You gulped, lifting your hips and allowing her to pull both pieces of fabric down. You laugh, it was a bit of struggle but somehow neither of you thought of standing up to remove them first. Once the pieces of clothing were abandoned, you were sat comfortably in her lap. She tilts your face to kiss you, hand cupping and caressing your cheek. Once she started to kiss you, you’d forgotten about your worries. Her free hand was tentatively on your thigh but it soon started inching closer and closer to the juncture between your thighs.

“I’ll take it slow, okay?” She broke away, lips separating unwillingly. Jos looks at you, searching your eyes for the answer since you didn’t open your mouth to talk. “Yeah, yeah.” You finally managed to say, “Okay.” Jos starts kissing you again once she gets a confirmation from you, her fingers ghost your clit and you flinch. A second later, her fingertips were on your clit, rubbing slow circles on it to let your arousal grow for a while. You fought a whine that was caught in your throat, painfully swallowing it when you felt her slide a finger down towards your entrance. Your clit throbs, causing an ache and she’s definitely felt that little movement. Jos chuckles into the kiss, finger teasing your entrance for a little too long. Right before you could complain, she started pushing her finger in slowly. A whimper falls from your lips, muffled by the unending kiss. Jos takes this as her cue to pick up her pace, her hand’s also left your face and was now on one of your thighs to keep them open for her.

Jos laughs lowly, sending a shock down your spine, “You’re so wet, baby…” You whined at that, and the fact that she’s slid a second finger in. “Oh, shit.” She groans at your tightness, fingers staying still so you could get used to the feeling. “Does it hurt?” She asks quickly, gaze studying your face for any signs of discomfort. You mumbled incoherently and shook your head, “Keep going?”

“Okay.” She grins, moving her lips down to your neck while her fingers got back to work. Jos kisses a trail down the side of your neck, and when you let out a yelp at a certain spot, she went back to it and started to kiss it over and over, sucking and then biting down on it lightly. Shit.

You moaned, squirming in your position. Jos chuckles right into your ear, proud that she figured it out so easily. It only made you even whinier. “Baby~ are you close?” She teases.

Your breathing hitches.

“Tell me.” Jos said gently, handing caressing your thigh.

You breathed in then exhaled harshly, painfully admitting, “Yes.”

She smiles then pressed a kiss to your shoulder. Retracting her fingers as much as she could without leaving you, they were then forcefully jammed into you so she could hit your sensitive spot and push you over the edge. Jos did this a few times over before you started to clench erratically around her fingers.

“Shit.” You panted, “Oh, my God.”

“It’s okay, it’s okay.” She cajoled, “That’s good, just let it happen. I’ve got you.” Jos’ voice was so sweet, but her actions were so sinful— it drove you crazy. Your heart was beating in your ears, breathing coming out in short gasps, you were whining and whimpering…all because of Jos.

“Go on, baby. Come for me.” She whispers, “Come on.”

With a final push of her fingers poking at the spongy part deep inside you, you felt yourself unravel. “Fuck, fuck, fuck.” You mumbled, leaning fully onto her while your head fell back onto her shoulder lazily. Jos keeps going though, until you let out particularly high-pitched cry and lifted yourself of her. She quickly removes her fingers from you and eased you back down into her lap while she whispered sweet words into your ears and caressed your thigh, “You’re okay, baby. You’re okay. Breathe, beautiful. You’re alright, I promise.”

————

Next thing you know, Jos lifts you off the ground and places you on her mattress. You locked eyes with her. She asks, “You…wanna go again?”

“Again?” You asked, a little bit winded while you leaned against the headboard, legs still apart while she knelt in between them.

She nodded, biting back an excited grin.

“So—”

“I’ll use my mouth if you’d like.” Jos continues.

“Oh.” You said back, the same giddy smile forms on your face again. Nodding your head, she moves, face to face with your dripping cunt, her ass tilted in the air. Dear God.

Jos was incredibly gentle, seeing that you’d just came once. Yet, you were still so sensitive and kept flinching. So, she went slower, and softer. You let out a ragged breath, she holds onto your inner thighs causing your hand to fall off your knee and limply onto your side. “Mm— fuck—” You murmured shakily, “Fuck— Jos— feels so good.”

Satisfied, Jos laughs, breath fanning against your heat and eliciting a whine and a string of profanities to spew from your lips. Jos fully attaches her mouth onto you, like she was trying to suck you dry. The sudden increase in intensity numbed your mind, causing your clit to throb harshly in her mouth and your wetness to leak out more and more every time she did it. You cried out, “Fuck!” You gripped the sheets beneath you, unsure of what the hell you could do with them other than that.

A long string of ‘oh, my god’ and ‘fuck’ coupled with her name comes from you without an end as she ruthlessly ate you out, helping reach your second high with ease. Your hips bucked right before you came, making Jos grip onto your thighs harder so you stayed put like this— closer to her face than ever. Your knees were giving way, though and she knew so she just let that happen too after a little bit. You fall back on the mattress, a whiny mess following her ministrations. Trembling as you came down from your climax, you were also breathless.

“Fuck, that was so hot.” Jos knelt again then sat down. Your gaze falls onto her face, and you were dumbfounded. Using her hand to clean off her face and chin that was dripping with your cum, she leans forward to capture your lips into her own. “Are you okay, baby?”

“Mhm.” You hummed, “I’m okay.”

Her hand strokes your cheek, “Good. You did so good, baby.”

You smiled blissfully, catching her gaze for a beat, “Fuck.”

“So beautiful, baby.” A similar smile creeps onto her face as she attacks you with kiss after kiss all over your face making you giggle.

“I love you.” You told her, arm resting on her shoulder as she sits before you and between your legs.

“I love you more, baby.” She seals the promise with yet another kiss, “I love you— so, so fucking much.”

————

🏷️ Tag list:

@ashecampos @auliisflower @cheesysoup-arlo @frogs00 @reneeswif3 @ludoesartnstuffs @pda128

#auli’i cravalho #jos cleary-lopez #the power(2023)#the power amazon #wlw fanfiction #fanfiction #queer #lgbtqia #smut #wlw smut #mdni #x reader #reader insert #female reader

32 notes · View notes

cashexists · 6 months

Text

Back Home-

A Siglai oneshot based on chapter 114

[Heavy Angst / Nikolai Centric / She/Her pronouns for Sigma / Open Ending]

Nikolai stumbles through the hallway of the prison in a clumsy attempt to make it back to where he needs to be as soon as possible. He’s not injured, nor are there cuts or bruises or any limbs missing from his body. Instead, his mind is working with a single thought.

Take Sigma. Go home.

Home. He’s not sure what they have left to christen the name to, but there wasn’t much before either, so what difference would it make? All he needs is Sigma by his side.

The Casino has been on the lookout for her since they left and probably already announced her dead. Nikolai’s own accommodations are scarce, hopping from apartment to hotel room to suburban home and all the way back.

They’ll find something, he decides. Some place Sigma will finally have to call home. Nikolai himself doesn’t need anything of the sort, as long as they are able to have each other- as long as he has the only person he has left to care for by his side.

Yes, he’ll take his Sigma away from this. He’ll hold her close and comfort her and love her until, like everything he has loved, she breaks apart in his hands.

It has happened to Fyodor, his only companion, his best friend. Nikolai has just recovered from clutching his lifeless arm to his chest with the singular thought that his lover is probably alone and confused in a place so alien to her.

Upon reaching one of the many cells, Nikolai finds who he’s looking for and immediately rushes to her side.

Sigma is propped on a metallic crate, bending forward in a slouch that must be aching her back horribly. When they get home, Nikolai decides that he will massage the tension out of her shoulders and make her that green tea she absolutely adores.

“What did they do to you, my love?” He tilts her face to the side, kneeling down and inspecting a bruise on her right cheek, clearly a result of having fallen from quite a large height. Upon pushing her bangs off of her face, he finds another bruise, this one a tad smaller than the former. “I’m sure we have something to patch that up in your office. We’ll stop by there on the way home so you can gather your things, okay?”

Sigma doesn’t stir, even when Nikolai scoops her into his arms and rises to his feet, pressing a gentle kiss to her forehead. “Let's go home, my sweet.”

“Nikolai.” His whole body freezes- a mix of dread and disgust pooling in his gut as he turns. Dazai and his wretched gravity manipulator are watching him, eyes wide as if he’s the monster in this room. He passed by the camera room earlier and saw the pair of them heading inside again. They must’ve enjoyed gloating over Dos’s body. “Put her down.”

“Are you afraid that I will harm her, Dazai?” He asks idly, pulling Sigma closer to his chest protectively. “Maybe you think I’ll go crazy and rip a hole in her stomach?”

“Put her down.” The gravity manipulator speaks up now, activating his ability. The many pieces of chipped stones around the room rise into the air, pointed at Nikolai. He watches them idly for a moment as he unbuttons his overcoat, throwing it over Sigma’s shoulders just in case she’s cold. “I don’t know where you’re taking her, but the Mafia can-”

“I don’t know where I’m taking her either.” Nikolai hums, pressing his lips to her forehead again in an attempt to soothe the bruise. “But she will be safe and happy and far away from the demons who killed Dos.”

It’s Dazai’s turn to play hero again. “Nikolai, I understand-”

“But you don’t.” He sighs, defeated, watching Sigma’s face. “Dazai Osamu never loses, right? That’s what Dos told me. He may lose people, but a hundred more of them are there to console him afterwards. He is loved by many, hated by even more, but cherished by those who matter most.”

Nikolai looks up at that cursed face- the face of the man who thinks his suffering is something to torture himself over. “You see, all I’ve ever had is Dos and my darling Sigma. And look at what you’ve done to them. Killed my best friend, knocked my lover out.”

“Fyodor knocked her out.” Dazai explains cautiously, like Nikolai is a ticking time bomb. “I was trying to save her.”

“But you weren’t successful, were you?” Nikolai tilts his head questioningly. “No, instead of letting my Sigma stay by my side so that we could get out of here safe, you take her on some adventure like you’re her hero or something and she ends up like this.”

“Nikolai, please-”

“I’m taking Sigma away from all of this. I do not care if she’s dead nor if you need to use her again. She’s coming with me and we’re leaving Yokohama.”

“Nikolai, we need her.” Dazai explains urgently. “Sigma is alive. She’s just absorbing all of Fyodor’s info. That’s all. We need to return her to the agency-”

“And use her until my darling is all run dry.” Nikolai finishes for him. “No thank you. I think we’d rather go home.”

“But what if she wants to help?” A desperate attempt for Nikolai to stop. “She knows the agency needs her, Nikolai. She can help save the entire world from whatever Fyodor has planned.”

“Then she will do so after she has rested and recovered from you two tossing her around.” Guilt flashes in the gravity manipulator’s eyes. “I will take my lover home and make sure she’s safe. Then, when she wakes up, she will tell me what she wants to do herself.”

“And we’re supposed to believe a psycho like you is gonna let her go?” The gravity manipulator hisses, warranting a wince from his partner. What’s worse, Nikolai wonders: the one treating him like a child in a tantrum, or the latter who’s only speaking to threaten him?

“Sigma’s happiness is the only reason that I am alive right now.” Nikolai’s voice shakes as he watches his lover’s head loll towards him now, the chub of her cheek pressing against his chest. He smiles softly, kissing the tip of her nose. “Whatever she wills will be my absolute order.”

“Well-”

Dazai raises a hand to stop his partner. “Nikolai, please tell me you will bring her back if she asks you too.”

He smiles at that. “I’m not the monster you’ve made me up to be, Dazai Osamu.”

Silence. “Okay. You can go.”

He can tell that the gravity manipulator wants to interject, but stays silent. Nikolai beams down at Sigma. “Let’s find ourselves a home, my dove.”

In a flash of golden light, they are gone.

46 notes · View notes

lotusflowerbreakingthesurface · 7 months

Text

Wu Xie's Birthday Congratulations

On this special day, let's get to know the cutest protagonist in DMBJ, Wu Xie aka Tianzhen aka Xiao San Ye, in a deeper understanding although everyone must already know him (⁠≧⁠▽⁠≦⁠)

One of the best ways to understand what kind of character Wu Xie is by reading the book. I found some interesting meta/analysis about Wu Xie (and PingXie) and I want to share them here. However, everyone has a different perception and understanding of things, so just take it easy, okay? ദ്ദി(ᵔᗜᵔ)

Note: I'm not good at Chinese, feel free to correct me if you find some mistakes.

⚠️ Very long post ⚠️

Uh, I feel bad that this post turned out to be so long, while Xiaoge's birthday is so short, sorry Xiaoge! >.<

First of all, let's refresh our memory about Wu Xie that was going around on Chinese sites and other sites as well.

Wu Xie's Apperance

Source: Baidu

Handsome, with a face like a crown jade, fair skin, gentle and restrained, bookish, and as gentle as jade.

Slender hands: "Unfortunately, although my hands are slender, I have no strength at all." (Daomu Biji: Angry Sea, Hidden Sands Ch. 42 [MereBear's Translation] | Chinese version Ch. 13)

Pretty face: "Tianzhen, your original face is pretty. Why do you need to be the same as your Uncle Three?" (by Pangzi, Daomu Biji Vol. 8 Ch. 25 [MereBear's Translation])

Occasionally wear glasses (NPSS's interview)

As a lotus flower breaking the surface (idiom): "Indeed, our family’s Tianzhen is a fresh and clean refined little master, a surpassingly beautiful young public figure ..." (by Pangzi, Tibetan Sea Flower Ch. 22 [MereBear's Translation] | Chinese version Ch. 22 | The meaning of the idiom is here)

"When I was in college, a girl who seemed to like me once said that my face was very calm and other people wouldn’t feel annoyed looking at it." (Tibetan Sea Flower Ch. 27 [MereBear's Translation])

"He was young with a slender figure, wearing a brown jacket and gloves, and looking very casual." (Sand Sea Ch. 6 [MereBear's Translation])

"From Liang Wan’s point of view, although Wang Meng’s boss was young, there was a weathered and worn look about his brows that were beyond the reach of ordinary people." (Sand Sea Ch. 6 [MereBear's Translation])

The eyelashes are long, and the curve of the neck is more feminine than that of a woman: "Black Glasses said that the curve of my neck was more feminine than that of a woman." (Sand Sea Ch. 180 [MereBear's Translation])

"The only part of your body suitable for fighting is your long eyelashes."(Sand Sea Ch. 178 [MereBear's Translation])

Wu Xie is the ultimate beauty in the world (NPSS's interview)

Chronology of Wu Xie’s Major Events (Weibo)

Wu Xie's Personality (According to NPSS)

Source: MereBear's Translation

In the postscript of Daomu Biji Vol. 8:

Wu Xie is a difficult person to describe. If I have to say it, I want to say: he is actually an ordinary person.

But this doesn’t mean that he isn’t great. It’s because he’s an ordinary person that people admire him so much for all he has experienced.

I think many friends will hate his weakness and hesitation when they first see him, but as the story progresses step by step, more and more people like him. He is a boy as weak as water, but please don’t forget that in harsh winter, the most formless water will become solid ice.

Wu Xie is a person like that. He is simple, a little clever, cowardly, and someone who cherishes his life. He’s sensitive and afraid of hurting people around him and is the least suitable person to experience danger among all those on the team.

But I let him become the protagonist of the story and let him experience the most terrifying journey, which is probably the most special part of the story. When everyone can back down, he just can’t; when everyone can escape, he can’t.

I really want to say sorry to him for pushing this ordinary person into such a complicated puzzle. When I look at his entanglements and troubles, it’s like I see my own entanglements and troubles. For a period of time, I could even deeply feel the despair in his heart for everything he had gone through. At that time, I wanted to know what he would do when faced with such complicated despair.

I didn’t expect him to survive. In the development of the story, everyone could see how an ordinary person struggled to become a person he didn’t want to be. But the thing that made everyone like him was that he maintained his conscience in all the places that could be turning points in his life. Even though he eventually wore a sinister mask, he was still Wu Xie at heart. He could have a lot of petty crimes and petty vices under his belt, as well as a lot of minor moral problems, but when it came to making the biggest choice, he would always be the Wu Xie who wished everyone well.

“I hope all of us can live well along the way, and all of us can see our own ending. We may not live long, please let us live the life we deserve.”

Wu Xie prayed to the sky when Pan Zi was dying, even though he was in a dark cave. He took all the responsibility and blame upon himself, unable to face the meaning of his journey.

This is Wu Xie, the “useless” one in the team and the most useless leader in the Iron Triangle. He needs other people’s protection and help. He has boundless curiosity and desire, but as long as a person is hurt, his own things aren’t important. He’s an ordinary person who wishes you to live no matter how much he hates you. This is because he doesn’t understand killing or the wealth that transcends life, he only understands the value of the word “alive”.

[2023.03.11] Taobao Live

Source: 瓶邪bot (mtl)

Q: We all know that Zhang Qiling has a gift from heaven. Why hasn’t he forgotten his companions ten years later?

A: I think this is a kind of bond. It really is a bond. Of course I can write a tragedy. (Host: Don’t write it then), it is all logical, but when such a strong bond exists, especially Wu Xie must not be an ordinary person, even though he appears as an ordinary person, he made full use of his ordinary qualities and became an ordinary person who was not an ordinary person (laughs). That Zhang Qiling must have gone through a very painful struggle and intense confrontation. He finally did it. In the end, he may have forgotten a lot, leaving only that glimmer of light, and then he remembered it again bit by bit from that glimmer of light. I think this must be Zhang Qiling’s efforts. (Host: So this is actually because he worked hard not to forget them. This is not a lucky or small-probability thing, but a result of his own efforts) Yes, because heaven is ruthless, and humans are sentient.

[2023.03.24] Douyin Live Broadcast

Source: 瓶邪bot (mtl)

Q: "Restart", this book has its entire story line structure of separation, reunion, and restarting. Do you think Wu Xie’s personal mentality has changed between the original novel and "Restart"?

A: In the main story, he is really a bit naive. He may be a little clever and a little bit of a cunning, but his understanding of the world is essentially relatively simple. When it comes to "Reboot/Restart", Wu Xie is actually still innocent. You can see that he is slowly returning to his previous innocent state. One is that Zhang Qiling has returned, and he no longer needs to show his fangs. But behind his innocence is an innocence that is not easy to mess with. He has sealed up his huge energy, but he can take it out again at any time, and some very interesting things will happen, because many people think that he is a very naive and easy-to-deceive person when he is in a very gentle state, when he is really bullied, he will return to the state of Sand Sea.

[2023.03.24] Douyin Live Broadcast

Source: 瓶邪bot (mtl)

Q: I would like to ask, what do you think Wu Xie’s mental state was when he was about to take Zhang Qiling home.

A: I think Wu Xie was not ready when he hit the road. He was ready only after he hit the road. He was slowly, slowly... he was already ready when he arrived at the Bronze Gate. Maybe Zhang Qiling was not ready. Come out, or Zhang Qiling has left. I think it is such a process. When he accepted the worst possibility, he might have calmly enjoyed the moment when Zhang Qiling came out of the bronze door if he had not left. I think he had a lot of distracting thoughts at the beginning.

Q: Actually, he has a certain amount of timidity and nervousness.

A: I think I will have random thoughts, because just in case, after living in this world for a long time, I always feel that there are chances in this world. No matter how small the probability of an event is, if you encounter it once, you will feel that it is very likely to encounter it again.

Wu Xie's Mental Journey (Meta)

Source: MuzzledIdealist

This one is a meta/analysis from Chinese fandom and it's written by MuzzledIdealist on Weibo. They already give consent to repost it as long as the source is indicated. If you are interested, you can see other analysis on their homepage.

Please note that this is an edited MTL, if anyone wants to translate it, you're very welcome to do it :)

⚠️ This meta or analysis is cp-oriented ⚠️

⚠️ This is a repost, not my meta ⚠️

【PingXie】 “When I Know That I Will Never See Him Again”

Written by MuzzledIdealist

"The things he saw were things that he hadn’t been able to come to terms with. But I saw Men You Ping, so did that mean that I wasn’t over everything that had happened during those ten years?" — [Note: Ten Thousand Mountains in the Extreme Night Ch. 63 (MereBear Translation) | Chinese version Ch. 62]

Why he wasn’t over the past?

Let’s analyze Wu Xie’s mental journey over the years:

A major premise is that Men You Ping has always been Wu Xie's greatest source of security.

Wu Xie is too curious, but as a fledgling young man, he lacks experience and force value. If his curiosity is not satisfied and the problem cannot be solved, he will easily fall into anxiety (the book mentions many times that he was anxious when encountering difficulties, so I won’t take screenshots.), and Men You Ping has been providing guidance and protection to Wu Xie, which can be said to have given him a great sense of security in both physical and mental aspects (here I summarized it before. If you are interested, you can take a look at "Sharing Some Cute Details of Men You Ping’s “Double Standard”").

Xu Lei (NPSS) also said in the interview that Zhang Qiling had been protecting Wu Xie and helping him deal with many problems, so when he left, Wu Xie was forced to become like him.

(The screenshot is added in the original post)

Therefore, when Men You Ping was no longer with Wu Xie, his source of security was suddenly taken away.

During the ten years when Xiaoge was away, Wu Xie must have dreamed of Men You Ping countless times during the long agony of waiting and dealing with the enemy. Especially when he encountered difficulties, He prayed, hoped, and imagined that Men You Ping would fall from the sky and appear next to him like it did in the past, because this is a habit he has developed due to Xiaoge's protection.

He has grown up during the period of Tibetan Sea Flower, but he will still frankly tell Pangzi, "I always feel that a place with a Xiaoge will be safer. If he is not here, at least having a statue of him is better than nothing". The fat man said he was superstitious, but that was not the case, because as a top student, Wu Xie had always been accustomed to using scientific knowledge to explain all the strange things he experienced (there are many examples in the book), but for his subconscious dependence on Men You Ping, he had no way to explain it scientifically and rationally.

(The screenshot is added in the original post or take a look on MereBear's translation: Tibetan Sea Flower Ch. 39)

During Sand Sea period, Wu Xie grew up a lot, but when faced with a desperate situation, he still longed for the appearance of the person he wanted to see most for a long time. Even though he was about to cough up pneumoconiosis, even though he knew that the stuffy oil bottle in front of him was just his hallucination. The pain of those ten years also made Wu Xie addicted to smoking because he needed to use cigarettes to relieve his anxiety.

(The screenshot is added in the original post or take a look on MereBear's Translation: Sand Sea 4 Ch. 187)

The title of the chapter in Sand Sea where Wu Xie's throat was cut and he fell off the cliff is the poem "Like red beans inlaid in the ivory dice, my yearning for you is deep in my bones" (the translation comes from here). Why was this poem chosen as the title of this chapter?

Xu Lei once answered this question in a vx (Weixin/WeChat) interview. He said that this was his emotion at the time. Writing in the first person, the author's mood at that time represents the mood of the protagonist at that time, so the meaning of this poem is Wu Xie's mood at that time.

(The screenshot is added in the original post)

The meaning of this poem is: to express the woman's deep yearning for her husband, her longing for her husband and her inseparable love, and she looks forward to her husband's early return. (From Baidu Poetry Analysis)

(The screenshot is added in the original post)

Xu Lei said in a lecture at Fudan University in 2013: "Wu Xie was doing a lot of things with a sense of resentment in Sand Sea, because everyone abandoned him and left him alone there as a widow. The only person he can settle accounts with is Men You Ping, because he is a person who will appear at a fixed place at a fixed time, so Wu Xie must be holding his breath and preparing to ask that person for something back." (This paragraph is dictation + general summary, the original video is more than an hour long. You can search and watch it by yourself.)

(Regarding the widowhood, Xu Lei once explained that Wu Xie changed his name to "Guan Gen 《关根》" in order to maintain his chastity.)

(The screenshot is added in the original post)

Therefore, during the Tibetan Sea Flower period, Wu Xie had just left the sense of security provided by Men You Ping, and would still subconsciously seek his protection when encountering difficulties, even if it was just his statue. During Sand Sea period, he had clearly understood that Men You Ping was no longer by his side, so he had to force himself to become stronger and become like him. But even so, when he was extremely anxious, he still couldn't help but miss Men You Ping, which put him in a state of both longing and resentment.

This is also reflected in the "Ten Years" chapter. In "Ten Years" Wu Xie said, "After so many years, I no longer expected anything from anyone, because these people will eventually leave for various reasons." This is his complaint. He added, “There are some people you just can’t stand up. There is a chance that Men You Ping will appear, and I may die on the road, but after going through so much, I need a relief and an end." This was his thought.

(The screenshot is added in the original post or take a look on MereBear's Translation: Ten Years Later Ch. 20 and Ch. 21)

However, in addition to this feeling of longing and resentment, Wu Xie also has worries, deep worries about whether Men You Ping will live or die in the door, so he wrote in "Ten Years": "In the past ten years, I have had many dreams. I dreamed of him meeting me when I was young. I dreamed about the white bones in front of the bronze door, and dreamed that he had turned into something like Chen Pi Ah Si when we met again. There were many possibilities in ten years, which were enough for me to imagine and accept them one by one."

He has had this kind of nightmare many times in the past ten years, and it has become a knot in his heart that is difficult to untie, so even if Men You Ping is back now, he still feels that he has not completely passed those ten years.

(The screenshot is added in the original post or take a look on MereBear's Translation: Ten Years Later Ch. 36 and Ten Thousand Mountains in the Extreme Night Ch. 63)

But even so, even in those ten years, Wu Xie had thoughts, resentments and worries about Men You Ping, and thought about asking for something from Men You Ping, but he still couldn't bear it. The moment he saw Men You Ping again, he still chose to cover up all these emotions, so he subconsciously pulled down his sleeves to cover the scars on his hands, just as he said during Sand Sea period. When he sees Men You Ping again, he will not tell him all this, he will only tell him that you are just a patient, and you can rest now. So he took Men You Ling and lived in Yucun, the place where there is legendary ginseng that can make people remember for a long time.

(The screenshot is added in the original post or take a look on MereBear's Translation: Ten Years Later Ch. 41 and Sand Sea Ch. 92 | Chinese Version Sand Sea 2 Ch. 53)

It has been analyzed before that the reason why Xiaoge went to Hangzhou to say goodbye to Wu Xie before entering the bronze door and said to him "You are my only connection with this world" is because for the first time he had his own "desire". (This is a long story, see "Psychological Activities of Xiaoge" for details)

If Men You Ping had realized that he had fallen in love with Wu Xie at this time, then when did Wu Xie realize that he had fallen in love with Men You Ping? Probably when he realized that he couldn't lose him, as the saying goes, "How do we measure love, the pain after separation."

(The screenshot is added in the original post)

---

This one is a more in-depth analysis about Wu Xie in Sand Sea by the same writer.

Source: MuzzledIdealist

The sunrise in the desert was also beautiful back then, but Wu Xie had no memory of it. But now that he and his brother are in the world’s second most valuable tomb, he can truly feel the beauty of the sunrise. Because the experience of Sand Sea was not a good memory for Wu Xie. Xu Lei once explained why Wu Xie had seventeen scars on his arms during Sand Sea period. It was because as an originally kind-hearted person, he was forced to do many things that went against his conscience in order to defeat the Wang family, including using others. Therefore, he hurt himself by scratching his arms to relax himself. Xu Lei said that Wu Xie during Sand Sea period had a kind of hatred for him.

Wu Xie has indeed grown up in the past ten years, but this growth comes at a price. Wu Xie gave himself the pen name Guan Gen (Xu Lei explained that it means "keeping his chastity"), and made seventeen cuts on his arm with hatred for himself. When he fell off the cliff, his mood was "Like red beans inlaid in the ivory dice, my yearning for you is deep in my bones" and various injuries that have caused permanent damage to his nose and lungs. From all of this, it can be seen that Xiao Wu suffered from both physical and mental pain during the Sand Sea period, and all of this cannot be summed up by the simple word "Evil Emperor". This seemingly cool title seemed to lightly cover up all the suffering he experienced during that period.

He was repeatedly entangled and pulled between his persistence towards his goal, his hatred for himself, and his extreme longing for Men You Ping. For him, the experience during Sand Sea period was once a painful memory, that's why he subconsciously pulled down his sleeves to cover the scars on his arms when he saw his brother on the day of their ten-year appointment. Maybe he didn't want Men You Ping to know who he was before. But with their tacit understanding, it is impossible for him not to see it, that’s why there was a follow-up story about Xiaoge in "Fishing King Extra" who took Xiao Wu to the Stagnant Water Dragon King Palace to make Xiao Wu suddenly enlightened in order to untie the knot buried in Xiao Wu's heart for the past ten years. Now, the same is true in Yucun Notes when Xiaoge accompanies Xiao Wu to revisit Medog (Motuo). When his lover returns to his side, the greatest source of security returns, and Xiao Wu becomes the "rough jade" again.

"I will exchange my life for ten years of your innocence." Zhang Qiling used his infinite sacrifice to Wu Xie in exchange for a limited benefit (Xu Lei's original words), "Like red beans inlaid in the ivory dice, my yearning for you is deep in my bones" Wu Xie use his ten years to buy Zhang Qiling's freedom for the rest of his life. Some people say that the relationship hurt/comfort is old-fashioned, but I don't think so. The two-way redemption between PingXie and the uniqueness between them is always moving.

---

My thought:

Maybe the word "fall in love" or "lover" the writer uses here is too strong for some people lol, but they did care for each other, no matter what the relationship is, it can't be denied, right? There were some questions that appeared in my head when I read the book, why did Wu Xie do that? Why did he do this? Why did he do all of these things to this extent? Then I understood. Actually, Wu Xie, especially in his early stage, reminds me of my old-self, so I feel like I can sympathize with him somehow. His "innocence" is different from the innocence that most people think, Wu Xie's innocence is the kind of innocence who wished everyone well.

And then, happy birthday, Wu Xie! May you be safe and live a happy life with Xiaoge, Pangzi, and all of your good friends! 🎉🎉🎂(⁠人⁠*⁠´⁠∀⁠｀⁠)⁠｡⁠*ﾟ⁠+ *⁠.⁠✧

#wu xie birthday #daomu biji #dmbj #pingxie #dmbj meta #dmbj analysis #wu xie #meta recs #pingxie only #盗墓笔记 #吴邪 #瓶邪 #瓶邪only #congratulatory post

32 notes · View notes

blackbackedjackal · 1 year

Note

I don’t know what to say about Lobo… I’m so, so sorry Jackal. Please do what you can to take care of yourself and please don’t feel like you need to continue posting if it’s upsetting you. I’m so immensely sorry. Sending you guys lots of love.

Honestly, what I feel in the moment is that I wanna spend time with my boy like I always have. I want my memories of him to stay as that silly soft little man who hangs out with me and give me kisses and is goofy and nervous and all alround a weird and loving dog, which at the moment he still is.

I've been grieving all week. I had a feeling it was bad from the beginning. I wanted to remain hopeful through his ER visit and coped how I normally do. Spending time with my friends and talking about how wonderful of a boy he is.

The ones that shine the brightest always seem to fizzle out soonest. I hate the thought that I have to say goodbye, but I'm cherishing the fact that I have /time/ to say goodbye. I haven't had that luxury with all the dogs I've had.

For now I just wanna focus on making him as happy as he makes me, which does include sharing how special he is. I'm hurting so badly but so is everyone else around me who knows him. And just, knowing how much of an impact he made on so many people gives me comfort. Even when he's not here with me anymore, he's gonna live on in the hearts of everyone he's touched, at that gives me more solace than anything.

65 notes · View notes

thetriplets3 · 1 year

Note

hii for the prompts can you do “the kindest "i hate you" followed by a contagious laugh” with matt plsss??

i got carried away with this idea i don’t know if i exactly did this prompt

➶ trust in timing ➶

One thing we both agreed on when we started dating was we would keep it private just like our friendship was. None of us felt the need to share our relationship or friendship with the world. It was something special, not letting others decide things for us.

We had all taken a trip back to Boston to spend a few weeks with our families. Resting my head on your shoulder as our hands link, I look over to see both our moms laughing away in the kitchen and our dads faint voices carrying from the backyard, and Nick and Chris talking on the adjacent sofa. These are the moments I cherish, filled with normalcy and nostalgia. Summer trips to Cape Cod when we were 5, Christmas vacations to Vermont when we were 8, we’ve always been together. I guess that’s what happens when your parents have been best friends since school.

The sounds of adoration increased as our moms walked our way holding a box of photos. “Look at you guys you were so small” MaryLou said, handing us the box. “These are all of our family vacation photos, have a look through them”.

Deciding to settle down for the evening we take the box upstairs to your room. The only light illuminating your room is the subtle golden glow of your lamp. Situating myself under your arm, I open the box to be met with a picture of you holding a teddy bear and a puppy stuffed animal. My heart melts at how sweet this picture is.

“You are adorable oh my goodness! You haven’t changed. You still do those eyes” I gush.

Grabbing the next few photos I can’t seem to help tearing up. These are some of my favorite memories and I’m so glad we were able to get photos of it. Leaning my head on your shoulder and showing you the photos, a smile forms on your face.

“That was when we went to Bar Harbour for Labor Day weekend. Those flowers were your favorite thing. I remember you came in with as many as your little hands could carry and started handing one out to everyone and when you got to me you had so many left you gave them all to me. They were all yellow ones because you said they reminded you of sunshine which reminded you of me. I felt special” You reminisced.

“I can’t believe you remembered all that. You are my sunshine always will be. Always a light in everyone’s life” I look up at you with a sparkle in my eyes.

“Of course I do, I love you, I love you now and I loved you then” you say, placing a kiss on my cheek. You pull your phone out to scan the 4 photos. Confused about what you’re doing I just watched as I saw you open Instagram.

“Matt” I playfully gasp, knowing full well you wouldn’t post them.

“What? These are adorable. I want people to see them. Plus I know Nick and Chris will find you in your little florist era funny” you chuckle. “Don’t worry sweetheart, it’s a vague post. They can think what they want, it only matters if we know” you reassure me.

“I hate you” I say jokingly, knowing I could never hate you. “Looks like I’m sharing baby Matt in all his glory” I laugh.

・❥・

matthew.sturniolo

matthew.sturniolo flowers 💐

view all 3,168 comments

nicolassturniolo 🐸🪱

christophersturniolo 🌷🌺

your.insta

your.insta 📖🦕⛄️🫂

view 124 comments

matthew.sturniolo 💐💐

nicholassturniolo the snowsuits go hard

・❥・

As my eyes grow heavy I hear you whisper “I always knew it’d be you. I can’t wait to marry you and tell our kids about our story. I love you so much honey”

I’ve spent most of my life with you and I can’t wait to spend the rest of it with you by my side.

Taglist:

@im-a-matt-girl @iluvmatt @stxrniqlo @d0wnt0wnstu4n1ol0

#matt sturniolo #matt sturniolo x reader #sturniolo triplets #readers pov

96 notes · View notes

jor-elsemissary · 2 months

Text

Fall

Summary: Set some time during/after the last season, the real Lionel Luthor survived his son’s attempt on his life and seeks vengeance against those who wronged him. They wanted a villain, he would give it to them. He just needs to overcome his feelings for a certain widow.

———

When he came back from prison, his enemies thought his fangs had been pulled, what with the way he had tried to seek redemption through charitable foundations and such. But his son’s evil twin had merely proven them wrong, that the old wolf was still in there waiting to claw its way back to the surface and onto center stage.

Then his son believed him to have grown sentimental and weak over his obsession with a certain farmer’s widow and her son. But the younger Luthor simply was not aware of the truth about him and the son, and how much stronger his conviction was with that knowledge.

It hadn’t been enough to spare him the pain of a eighty story fall though. Barely alive. Declared dead to protect him from his murderer. It took years for him to recover. Years lost in a hospital far away from Metropolis and Smallville. And when he finally returned to get his revenge, his son had gotten himself killed and a doppelgänger tried to take his place.

It all could have been avoided, of course.

All they had to do was simply listen to him. But they chose to believe in the lies his son had crafted. Ignored his warnings and his pleading for clemency. They wanted to paint him as the villain, believing he had never truly changed, and so now, that is what he will give them.

With Kal-el gone and John Jones too busy elsewhere, and Jor-el’s construct no longer wracking his brain with head splitting migraines, he could easily slip into the role of the treacherous and ruthless CEO of LuthorCorp again. He would give them what they wanted.

A villain to fear and hate.

He just needed to overcome his feelings for a certain widow first.

“I don’t know what happened to you, Lionel,” Martha Kent firmly spoke but there was a sadness in her eyes that he could see. Behind him were two of her son’s friends, bound and gagged, though the latter was to grant him some peace and quiet from Miss Lane’s insistent chatter. “But I know this isn’t you.”

“It’s always been me,” he answered back nonchalantly. He dismissively gestured with the gun he held while he paced back and forth in front of the Senator. “I’ve simply allowed sentimentality to rule my judgement. That ends now, Martha.”

“It doesn’t have to. You have friends here, people who care…”

“No one cares about me! Not even you!” he snarled and whirled around unexpectedly at her, the cold steel now pointing at her. “The only person to dare defy my murderer and come to my funeral was your son. Where were these so called friends? Where were you?!”

She fell quiet and he felt a pang of guilt. He knew where she had been. She did not have her son’s gifts to traverse the distance quickly. There hadn’t been enough time from his death to the funeral to allow her to come.

Lionel lowered the weapon and looked away, knowing that if he continued to meet her gaze, her will would overcome his own. He chose to glare at Miss Sullivan who returned it with a look of defiant bravado. “It doesn’t matter anymore. They want a villain, they will have one. Go back to Washington, Martha. Forget about me.”

“No.” She was so stubborn. That strong will and determination was one of many traits he had come to cherish about her. Right now, though, it was becoming an inconvenience. “You were abandoned when you needed them the most. I will not do that to you.”

Lionel Luthor looked upon the one woman he had been willing to give his life for. She still amazed him even after he had gone cold and bitter with hatred. He wondered once more if she actually loved him but her loyalty to Jonathan kept her from acknowledging and exploring it.

“Why must you do this to me?” he demanded to know from her. Why was she willing to risk everything for him? He was a murderer, a liar, and a conman. He only protected Clark because that was what Jor-el wanted.

“Because I… do care about you, Lionel.” She dared to touch him, a gentle hand on his forearm and he could feel himself unraveling to that touch alone. He feared it wouldn’t take much for him to completely fall apart. She always had that effect on him.

“Do you?” he questioned, hazel eyes meeting blue in challenge. “Or is it Clark’s friends you’re more worried about?”

“Of course I’m worried,” she tells him while stepping closer to him. Lionel found himself swallowing thickly at her closeness. “But I still care for you as well. You must know that.”

She wasn’t wrong. It’s why he loved her in the first place. Despite all that he has said and done over the years, she still found it in herself to care about his wellbeing. He felt tender fingers brush across his cheek before a hand lovingly rested against his face.

“Let them go, Lionel,” she pleaded with him, her other hand gliding down his arm to the hand holding the gun. He didn’t want to let them off for what they had done to him, but he also wanted to make her happy. To be proud of him. To trust him again. He was hurting, he knew she could see that. She always seemed to know exactly how he was feeling and why. A mother’s intuition perhaps?

“They let him murder me.” The words came out in a quiet whisper and he felt his shoulders drop as he found himself leaning into her touch. “I didn’t deserve that fate, Martha.”

“No one does.” Her thumb caressed across his cheekbone and he felt himself close his eyes. Maybe, just maybe, he could forget everything and just be with her. “But this is not the way to get justice.” He let her take the weapon from him and he heard the safety click into place before it was discarded.

Martha Kent once more found a way to disarm him and he allowed it as she took him into her arms and simply held him. It took Lionel a few moments to overcome his own defensiveness to embrace this remarkable woman and rest his head against her own.

With eyes shut tightly, and Martha soothingly rubbing his back, Lionel Luthor came undone in her arms. Quiet sobs wracked his shoulders and his body trembled in her embrace. He needed help and Martha gave him her promise that she would, that he would not see the inside of a prison cell this time.

He didn’t resist when the police came in a few moments later and bound his arms behind him. He didn’t fight back when they took him away from her. He kept his eyes on Martha until he couldn’t see her anymore and his head lowered in defeat and despair.

The turmoil of betrayal and anger left him feeling hallow inside, except for that tiny spark of light that Martha Kent left behind in him. He decided then and there that he would endure whatever the courts decided. He would endure the mistrust and scornful tongues of Clark’s friends. He would endure the public humiliation he knows Lois Lane would put him through with her articles. He would endure it all so long as Martha Kent was there to guide him through it all.

He had set out to be the villain this time. Instead, he felt every bit as his son’s victim all over again.

#smallville #lionel luthor #martha kent #mionel #lois lane #chloe sullivan #AU #alternate universe #my fic #and yes a person can and have survived falls from great heights #so it is quite possible for Lionel to come back in a later season if the writers really wanted to

8 notes · View notes

lotusmi · 1 year

Note

hi guys, it’s angel i have deactivated my account as i’ve made the decision to leave this platform & the loa community as a whole after talking to my parents about all the threats, harassment, and disgusting asks i’ve gotten consistently since i started my blog. i honestly don’t even know what i’ve even done to that anon. it’s honestly bitter sweet because i have met so many amazing individuals in this community, but the weirdo’s just ruin it for everyone. i would like to tell everyone that, there is hope in the world. i know so many of you guys are struggling, but keep faith in the law. i’ve made a beautiful life for myself and am living the life i’ve always desired WITHOUT THE VOID. i remember when i joined this community i was spiraling and going through the void obsession and now i’m honestly so happy in life, i am about to go to my dream university, i have the best sp, i look the way i’ve wanted to, and i’m loved by everyone around me. if i can do it, so can you. i’ll always be rooting for everyone forever & always! and lotus, thank you so much baby, for always being there for me and posting this for me. you are the best blogger friend anyone can have. i love you, and i appreciate you more than anything in this world. i always think of you eating in n out, because one day we’ll eat those damn burgers together!!! anyways as much as i regret coming on loa tumblr i’ll always cherish the kind & genuine people that have been absolutely nothing but sweethearts. to my sweet anon’s thank you, thank you, thank you for even interacting with my blog. if you’ve read to the very end thank you, i’ll be living my life now <3

Hi Angel, I am so sorry that you had to deal to all of this to the point you had to involve your family. I hope you are save, you don't deserve any hate. I know you tried your best to help everyone, I am so sorry that you had to leave all of this because of how mean some anons can be. I know you are a strong girl and will be alright, so please be safe and take care. You know always how to contact me, and yes we will eat that fries soon!!!!!!!!! <3 ily

58 notes · View notes

kimtaesss · 2 years

Text

I LOVED YOU | JK.3

Summary: being friends for 10 years means nothing, especially when he betrays your trust so easily.

Pairings: Jungkook x reader; Taehyung x reader

Genre: angst, fluff, friends to (?)

Warnings: straight off the bat, it’s a long introduction (sorry!!); y/n is straight up throwing up emotions ( mostly sad ones); Taehyung is being the sweetheart he is but also being more bold..; y/n not having a backbone but attempting to have one; Jungkook is Jungkook. ANGST and more ANGST.

Authors note: hey everyone! it’s finally posted after a month of waiting (maybe a bit more). I’m so sorry for the wait, but I finally finished my midterms and should be able to post more frequently; without waiting for a long period of time. This is a very angsty chapter, and contains a bit of each characters story, which I think it’s important and necessary to see how it shaped them to be the way they are. Anyways, hoped you enjoy it!! Also it’s 2 in the morning for me, so please ignore the spelling errors and typos. I tried to find every single one of them so hopefully there’s none!!

Masterlist | 01 | 02 | 03 | 04

It’s funny the way the world works. It really is. It’s like you have this amazing guy in front of you, who genuinely cares for you, and makes sure to show it. And then you have an asshole right next to him, but still try to find some good in him. And like the dumbass you clearly are, you fall for the asshole.

Maybe it’s the way you grew up, or maybe you just don’t know how to choose wisely. Frankly whatever the answer is, you need a solution to it. You hated feeling this emptiness, and heaviness in your chest. You hated seeing the way, he falls for girls so easily, but you’re almost invisible to him. He moves right past you, to follow the girl behind you. His eyes never match up to your eyes, and he never once was attentive to your feelings, and body language.

You were always quite open about your feelings. Not always verbally, but your body sure did talk for you. Maybe that’s why you felt more disappointed, when he claimed to ‘not know you were feeling that way’.

“I’m so stupid” you mutter, afraid a stranger that was passing by heard you. You knew you’re already getting a few stares, and you cared, you cared too much. You immediately felt your throat closing, as you hold back all the emotions that you were feeling in that moment. The pain was unbearable. It felt as if they were tearing your insides, and you were slowly shutting down.

You take your phone out of your back pocket, and look at the lockscreen. The picture of you and Jungkook, when you were both in a Hawaii, celebrating your job promotion. He had it all planned out, and it was the most beautiful and ridiculous moment you’ve loved to relived.

For many reasons, actually. For one, it was one of the few times you’ve both genuinely interacted with one another. He only paid attention to you, well of course a few girls caught his eye. A few caught yours. But he wasn’t purposely trying to find them, and leave you behind. He was making dumb jokes, as you both had your daily walks. He would carry you, when you would get exhausted after a couple of minutes of walking. He would embarrass himself, when you felt too insecure to step out of your room. He would do the most to make sure you felt secure, loved, and cherished.

But that all changed. He changed. And with that so did your friendship. But when your friendship changed, it’s like people were desperately trying to see it for themselves. Because every time Jungkook would ditch you, flat out embarrass you, there was always someone watching your humiliation.

You instantly examine your surroundings, and attempt to find a hidden spot for you to let it out. A great sob escaped your lips, and you covered your face with shaking hands.

You bawl your eyes out, as your knees are pressed against your chest. You’re rocking like a child in its crib, and it’s almost scary to see yourself. Which is why you choose to not do exactly that.

Your phone buzzes, and you’re afraid to look at the screen. Because in that process of answering you’ll see your lock-screen again. And there is only so much you could bear. But then again, you got a ride from Taehyung, so maybe this was a way for you to get a ride home. Although you don’t want anyone to see you in this state.

“Hello” your voice comes out shaky, and you want to curse yourself out for not being able to hold still for a mere second.

The person on the other line was clearly taken aback from your voice crack, and your sniffling. You almost want to make another comment, but you’re unsure if your voice would cooperate with you this time. So you decide to wait it out, and hope it’s sooner than later.

“Hey y/n, are you okay?”

Well are you? No. But you don’t want him to know that. Even though you’re sure, he knows something is up.

You instantly knew who it was. Taehyung. God, why is he so damn nice? Why does he makes this so much harder for you? It’s not his fault, and you know this. It’s not like you’re trying to put the blame on him, but he’s exactly what you want to see in Jungkook. Attentive and caring. But since Jungkook isn’t like that, it makes you wonder, why him? If you so desperately want someone like Taehyung, why haven’t you fallen for him?

It’s your damn heart, that likes to play games with you. What other explanation is there for you to be acting like a damn fool. None. But as you’re mentally speaking to yourself, the silence on your side of the phone call makes him speak again.

“Sorry. I didn’t mean to interrupt or bother you, but I never got a message back from you, and I was worried about you. I just want to make sure you’re safe” his voice is soft and almost careful, as he makes sure to not say something that could potentially cause you more pain.

You don’t know this, how could you. But Taehyung was across the street, looking at your fragile state. He witnessed everything, and he can’t help but blame himself once again. Why does he keep letting you go with him? He knows how he is, and yes, so do you. But for some reason, you’re filled with an enormous amount of love for him, that it cancels out all the bad. Well, not all the bad, but enough for you to keep letting him in.

“Yeah.. I’m-I’m just getting ready for bed” You stutter as you spit out a random excuse. It’s like you were trying to get caught up in your lie. You bite on your lower lip, to prevent any noise to come out of your mouth.

It breaks his heart seeing you so bravely hide your pain. Because it was brave the way you attempted to shield your pain, the pain Jungkook caused you.

“Y/n, I’m in no way trying to overstep any boundaries, and I understand you don’t want to speak on this matter, but can I just say something really quick?”

You really don’t want to hear it. But you need to.

“Yes” You inhale and exhale, as you try to compose yourself to be fully prepared to hear his comment.

“You are a gorgeous and strong woman, despite the fact that you like to claim you aren’t. And I understand that it’s because of personal reasons, but I’m telling you as a friend, you are every thing I have described. So I just want to ask you, would you prefer an Uber, or me to pick you up”

He’s sure you’re confused, especially in the way he set up his comment; but frankly speaking, he was just trying to remind you of who you are. And asking for help, isnt going to make you less of that. Asking for help, won’t make you weak, or whatever negative perspective you have on that.

He just wanted to remind you of his presence in your life, as a friend. Even though, he wished it more of than that. He still appreciates and accepts that he’s just a friend.

You couldn’t help but ignore the comments he made before, even though they are imprinted in your mind and heart. “What do you mean pick me up?”

He takes a deep breathe, and simply says, “You don’t have to tell me what happened, or even speak to me. But I know you’re not home y/n, and I really don’t want to intrude, but I’d hate myself more if you walked home at this time, then knowing you could have a secure ride”

“How do you know that” you looked left and right, and even in front of you to see if you could spot him. And you couldn’t, which lead you to be more confused. Because how exactly did he know this?

It terrified you to know that Taehyung could have possibly witnessed this all go down. Especially considering the fact that you ditched him for an asshole. You left a good man behind for Jungkook. And it was embarrassing to admit how heartbroken you are because of that decision.

But Taehyung always knows what to say. Taehyung always know how to make you feel seen.

“I know you”

You break down. You don’t attempt to hide it anymore, because you so miserably want someone to hear you. You want someone to push you into their arms, and never letting you go. You want to be suffocated in their arms. You just needed someone by your side.

“You’re probably going to hate me for this… but I’m on my way”

The call got cut off. As you continue crying, you’re exhausted. Your body was beginning to run out of tears, and it was making you feel sleepy. You wanted nothing more than to be curled up in your bed, with the warmest blanket you have. You wanted nothing more than to be away from the world, and people, and just anything that had to do with you being anywhere but your house.

You almost want to take a small little nap, right where you were sitting. It’s just going to be a minute, right?

Your stop fighting the urge to keep your eyes open, and curl yourself into a ball, to provide more warmth. It’s not like anything else could possibly go wrong, so why not sleep outside in the cold? You must have been either way too exhausted or stupid, maybe a mix of both. Because it was way too dangerous for you to be acting like that.

But then again, you haven’t been able to fall asleep because of all the late night driving you’ve had to go these previous weeks. Having to pick up Jungkook from his drunken state at parties, or hookups. Which have added onto your emotionally drained state.

“Mhm” comes out of your mouth, as you felt an arm of your waist.

“It’s okay, I got you” Taehyung whispers, as he carries you over his shoulder and once he is close enough to his car, he places you gently in it.

Your in the front seat, gently buckled up. He looks over his shoulder, to catch a quick glance of you. He can’t help but smile to himself when he sees your mouth slightly open, and small snores coming of your mouth.

“I’ll take care of you. I promise”

He drives off while he has one arm holding onto your seatbelt. He wants to make sure, you aren’t awaken by your body moving slightly forward, as he goes through speed bumps.

He’s not sure what’s overcome him, maybe it’s the way you looked at peace in your sleep, or maybe it’s the way, he desperately wants to spit out his emotions, without you actually hearing it, but he whispers something that he’s held on for too long.

“I like you y/n. I think I always will”

“Hey! You over there, pass me another beer”

Jungkook is slurring on his words, and his balance isn’t as strong as it was in the beginning. He kept placing his hands under the chair, to prevent it from moving too much and have him fall off his seat.

He felt like he had no other option but to go to the closest bar. He wanted to drown himself with beer, instead of drowning himself with guilt and sadness. But it seemed like the drinks were making worse, at least after they settled in.

“Sure buddy, but I’m going to need your car keys if you want to keep drinking”

“Just take it” he places the keys on the counter and slides it closer to the bartender. “My friend will pick me up” he takes another sip, after the man passed him his precious alcohol.

“If she still considers me that” he spits out, as he vigorously shakes his head. He laughs at himself, as he feels a burn down his throat. He doesn’t want to continue swallowing, but he feels as if he deserves every single ounce of that burning sensation.

“Okay…buddy” the bartender said, as he moved on to the next lonely, or heartbroken person in the bar.

He’s not sure why bars exist, they just turn people into alcoholics. He should know. He’s slowly becoming one himself. He hates every single thing about that addiction, as it made him more like his father. And he wanted to be nothing like that man.

“Hey, my friend was wondering if you’d interested in possibly having a threesome with us” she bites her nails, attempting to be sexy. It’s almost disgusting the way she was throwing herself at you.

Normally you’d be all over that, but right now you felt like complete shit. You weren’t even a bit turned on.

“I’m good” you waved her off, as you kept asking and sipping on your drink. You decided to was time for a stronger drink. You wanting to clear your mind, erase your memories, and the words that slipped out of y/n’s mouth.

“Are you sure? It’s going to be both of us… naked”

Is she dumb? She must be. You clearly said no.

“Yup, I’m sure. Now if you don’t mind, I’ll like to be alone. And not bothered”

“Whatever, it’s your loss!” She storms off, rather dramatically. But not without having poured a drink on your face.

“Mm. Guess I deserved that too”

You don’t attempt to clean yourself off, even when the bartender hands you a rag. Honestly, you did deserve all this and more. You’re not even sure why you treat y/n like crap. She’s… amazing, and has such a big heart.

It’s kind of scary, if you think about it though. She’s too nice. It almost makes you second guess everything you do, and if you should be doing it in the first place.

Y/n’s like a moral police, and although it’s cute and kind of dorky. It’s also unbearable. Those high expectations that she has, takes a toll on someone like you. You’re not perfect; you’re quite flawed. Anyone can see that. But she insists that you aren’t, and well you can’t help but try to show her that she’s wrong.

It’s not about being stubborn, it’s about being realistic. You’re flawed, so what? Is it that hard to admit. It’s silly really. This is all silly.

“Well…you look like shit” you heard right next to you. It sounded like a man, or maybe a woman with a very deep voice.

You laugh once you hear that accurate observation. Because you knew that you looked like shit. You’re covered in alcohol and guilt. You’re almost positive that you stink too.

“It’s been a shitty day” you respond without thinking too much about it. You don’t turn to look at who’s speaking to you. Instead, you bring your glass closer to your lips. You needed the taste and smell of alcohol. It helped you forget—some things— and it also makes you feel numb—at times. You make sure to close your eyes to savor every single last taste of it.

Okay, this isn’t working. He needed to see her, and he needed to see her now.

You place a 100 dollar bill on the table, and don’t take a single glance in front of you nor next to you.

But as you’re about to walk away, you feel an arm on your shoulder.

“Listen, I already told someone to fuck off. I don’t mind doing it again”

“Well, why don’t you give it a try”

Seriously? That’s just a dumb, and childish response. And you want to let it go, you really do. You wanted to be a better man— person— for y/n. She deserves to see that side of you, the side she so openly speaks of. Despite not having seen it for a couple years now.

“Listen, I’m not trying to be involved in this childish drama” you say with sincerity, but also with an eye roll that couldn’t be stopped.

“It’s too late for that. You’re the one who started this childish drama” the person angrily says, as he sends spit onto your cheek. It wasn’t intentional though, his anger just got the best of him, and therefore salvia went flying out of him onto you. At least you hoped it wasn’t intentional or else you were about to do something dumb.

“You have some nerve—“ you turn around, finally being able to see who this person is, and you couldn’t believe your eyes. You must be drunk, like shit face drunk. There’s no other possible explanation for this person to be here.

“You?” You question, as you use your hands to rub your eyes, hoping that the person in front of you disappears once you open them once again.

“Me.” He shrugs, as his glare makes you feel extremely uncomfortable. Y/n had clearly told Taehyung what happened today, and now he’s sitting in front of you, ready to skin you alive. At least that’s how it looked like.

“I think it’s time for me and you to talk. And I’m not taking no as an answer”

You gulp, and your Adam’s apple is more visible. You simply nod your head, as you take a sit next to him.

You want to punch his face, but you also had to be clever about this. Y/n for some odd reason cares about him, so the least you could do is pretend to be nice.

“Alright. But for y/n”

“For y/n” Taehyung confirms as he continues to glare at Jungkook like his life depended on him.

This was not going to end well. For both of them.

You woke up with the worst headache. Your argument with Jungkook really took a toll on you. Every other minute, you’d wake up remember what happened and then ended up crying again. It made you think back to all those times, the good ones of course, but somehow along the way, you reminisce about how there was some bad in the good. Even now it’s like that.

You continue to lay in the bed, as tears stream down your face and onto your bed sheets. You wanted to find an escape in your mind, anything would have helped. You wanted to think back of when it was just you and Jungkook, and no one or anything would stray you away from eachother.

It sounds ridiculous, but all you could think about is him and your friendship and your… stupid love for him. As if there isn’t anything else in your life. As if there isn’t anything else you could be doing with your life.

Your old enough to get yourself out of this bed, and do something more productive. Maybe ask for more days at work, go to the gym, or quite literally anything else that isn’t this.

Your friendship is over, so you might as well get it over it. Crying and begging him, or yourself isn’t going to change your situation.

However it is easier said than done. Your mind understood this was necessary, but your body was having a harder time to adjust. You couldn’t move a muscle, and it was become harder for you to stay still as your leg was falling asleep.

You tried to locate your phone to see who you could call for help. And on top of that, it had to be someone you know would not judge you harshly.

You flap your arms around until you feel anything that felt remotely close to your phone. After a couple of seconds of moving like your drowning, you found it.

“Yes!” You yelled as you scrolled through your contacts. “Now, who do I call? Well, I only have one friend… technically two. But right now, I’m not sure if my friendship is still a friendship. And… I’ve bothered Taehyung too much already” you rambled on, and muttered to yourself, seeing as you had no one else to rant to. This was getting ridiculous. Your life was like a teenagers, seriously just drama after drama. It was getting old… you were getting old. It was just not something you needed in your life right now or ever.

You hear a buzz coming from your phone, and it startles you. You were stuck in a trance, of what has gone entirely wrong in your life. Of how precious time and your past memories are. Of how you never realized how much you should have valued your life before all this.

Your eyebrows almost touch each other once you read the message on your phone. Your life flashed before your eyes, and all the praying for your past to come back, has happened. But at what cost? At the cost of your happiness, that’s what.

Mom: meet me in 30 minutes. I really need your help.

She’s begging for help? Her? After everything she’s put you and your siblings through. After she did what she did. She wants you, out of everyone to help her out of the mess she probably brought upon herself.

Yup. You’ve officially become cursed. It seems like you can never have a day go by, without something or someone ruining it.

You: I don’t believe I’m the best candidate for the job.

You respond without much thought. But immediately regret it. After all she still is your mother, the woman who gave birth to you; and somewhat raised you. Your grandmother taught you manners, so you should execute them in her honor.

You: Sorry, that was really rude of me. Send me the location and I’ll be there soon.

Mom: Glad to know grandma taught you something good. Next time I won’t be so forgiving, and make sure to come on time, you know how I hate people who are late.

You: Okay.

You didn’t have the energy to argue with her. You barely had the energy to get off your bed. Now, you have to use a weeks worth of energy, since you know how things would end if you came late. Your mother was strict and does not accept people disobeying her orders, especially if you’re blood. Which unfortunately you are.

You stand with a pace that instantly made your head hurt, and made you feel as if you were flying. Or maybe it was just the fact that you seeing double. You should have been more careful, that’s for sure.

“What do I even wear” you utter as you walk to your closet, shivering due to the fan being on the whole night. But you’d rather die of coldness than hotness, so that’s why you leave it on the whole damn night. And almost feel like you’re about to wet your bed. Again, you’re just a complicated person.

“I just have black clothes, if I show up in that I’m definitely get scolded” you continue to talk to yourself, seeing as you have no one else to talk to. Or someone you feel comfortable sharing this vulnerable side of you. Sure, they’ve seen many other sides of you when you were weak and vulnerable but this, this was different.

You grabbed the first thing you saw, because whatever decision you made, your mother would still find something to criticize. And you’d rather her criticize your outfit choices then have her waiting for you.

It was a simple outfit really. Black ripped jeans with a black hoodie… yeah, you should probably shop after your meeting. It’s not normal for someone to not have at least one clothing that was bright or not black. The worst part was that you finished it off with black and white converse. But hey, at least there’s some white, a pop of color if you will.

Who are you kidding, you’re about to get your ass beat.

“Please have patience y/n. Please let this all go well” You said while looking at the mirror in front of you. You were trying to remind yourself of how important it was to not let that women get to you. But of course, everything is easier to say than to do. It’s become your life motto at this point. You’ve said it way too many times.

“You got this! Hopefully…” you gave yourself a thumbs up, as your face screamed worried, but time was ticking. So you grabbed your car keys, and rushed out the door like your life depended on it; in a way it did.

Taehyung kept replaying last night. He kept thinking of the way you cutely thanked him, as he took off your makeup. He’s not even sure why you kept thanking him, since he kept accidentally poking your eye, and the makeup wipe, he was using kept drying up.

He might have wasted all of your wipes, attempting to take off your makeup.

“Could you stay? I mean, just until I fall asleep”

Could you? Yes. Should you? You’re not sure. It’s like you kept playing yourself every-time you’ve accepted to help Y/n. You know you need to keep some distance from her, especially since your head over heels for her. But when you see her crying, or anything that isn’t happy, you want nothing more but to mend her heart.

And you know you’d probably curse yourself out, the next day for accepting this offer. But that was a tomorrow problem. And today, it’s just a solution.

Plus, how could you say no, as she’s holding onto your arm. While her eyes look up to you, with such desperation.

“Anything for you” you utter, as you move a strand of hair, and place it behind her ear.

She immediately felt as eased, and whispered, “thank you Taehyung, you’re the best friend a girl could have”

Friend. Yeah, it was like a bullet was shot directly to your chest. But of course, it was an expected bullet. And you decided to come here unprotected, without a bullet proof vest. But still, it was worth the temporary pain.

She had finally asked you, not Jungkook, you, for help.

“Good night y/n” you said, as you pulled the sheets over her legs, to completely cover her up. You gave her a last glance, before you stepped closer, and bent down to give her a forehead kiss.

She smiled once she felt a kiss on her forehead.

“Good night Taehyung”

He’s not sure how he ended up here. In a bar out of all places. He’s not like this. Sure, he drinks wine almost every day, but to be in an open place, where people are trying to get laid, flirt, or fight over the dumbest things. Well, it just wasn’t his scene. But his friend was right. He had to be more open to things he dislikes, or else he’s going to die with ‘regrets’.

Well he’s already going to die with many. For one, he’s doesn’t have the balls to confess to y/n just exactly how he feels about her. How his heart breaks every time her eyes light up, when she mentions Jungkook. How she always runs to his arms when they’re closed, and yours are wide open and always avoided. Well, unless she had an argument with Jungkook. How you hated being the second option but still choose to stay, because you have this hope in you. You have faith that one day she’ll look in your direction and never look away.

But until then, he’ll drink his pain away— or attempt to— even if it’s in this shitty bar. And you did exactly that. With every single drink you took, you drowned yourself. You filled yourself up with all the alcohol possible, that you were about to spill it out.

It was starting to cloud your judgement. Which you took pride in. It was something your parents were proud of, and since they took too much pride in it; you could never have it in your heart to start acting like a dumbass. It was their last wish before they… yeah.

“Can I have another one please” you asked the guy behind the bar. His eyes kept examining your state, you were drunk. It was clear to anyone that paid attention to you, or at least caught a little glimpse. He looks hesitant to reach over to the vodka you’ve been swallowing.

“Fine. But this is the last one for the night. Alright?” The guy behind the bar says, as he tries to convince himself to hand you the cup.

“Yeah. I just need one before I do something stupid” you spit out without thinking much about it. Your face was red, and you kept pouting. You were still really hesitant despite drinking the whole bar.

“That’s not every convincing..”

You shake your head to wake yourself up. You still need to order an Uber, and you needed to be conscious to do that.

“Relax. I’m just about to tell the girl of my dreams that I love her”

You smile to yourself; you look insane. You bite on your lower lip to try to contain your excitement. But of course, something always has to ruin your day.

“I don’t think she’ll like a drunk man in the middle of the night confessing to her. But hey! What do I know?” The guy shrugs before leaving the cup right in front of you.

“Yeah, just leave with all your stupid comments”

You sip with such a slow pace. You were stalling. You were scared. What if everything goes wrong? What if she laughs in your face? After all she called you her best friend a couple of hours ago. Okay, no! You need to stop being a wimp and just confess to her. You can’t keep living like this.

You can’t keep containing these feelings that are eating you alive. You wanted to be able to show her off as more than just a friend. Show her what real love is. Not what Jungkook has provided her with.

You chugged the rest of the drink, and begin to walk out of this smelly and loud bar. But something caught your eye. It can’t be. Did you just have a magnet that attracted trash?

Was that jerk really flirting with a random girl, while y/n was crying her eyes out. While y/n became so tired that she actually slept outside. Her body had given up on her, and here he was. He was drinking, not even beating himself up? Not even trying to ask y/n forgiveness.

You couldn’t take it. The drinks sure did have an influence on your next decision.

“You’re 5 minutes late” your mother says, as you enter her house. It makes you want to cry out of fury, or disappointment. You had just stepped inside, and she was ready to scold you and give you hell. She never changed, and she never will.

“Yeah, sorry there was a lot of traffic” you whisper, losing all the confidence you had before you stepped in the house. You hated being this weak, and not having any backbone. Why couldn’t you fight back? Why must you always be the one to cave in?

“I know, that’s why I called you when there wasn’t”

It ticked you off the way she spoke to you. As if you werent her daughter. Her own blood. She talks to you as if she were superior, as if she were your boss, and you were some clumsy assistant. Still, she shouldn’t speak to anyone like that, especially if you haven’t done anything wrong.

“Is this why you called me for? Didn’t you say you needed my help? And you’re arguing with me.” You point at yourself, trying to exaggerate how angry you were. But there really wasn’t much you could do, your whole face was red, and your fists were balled up, becoming white from all the pressure you were putting on them.

But you couldn’t stay angry for long. You’d like to blame your grandma, but you know it was one of the best lessons she gave you. To carry anger with you everyday, is such a burden. Why carry all the bad energy, when you can try to be positive. Try to be hopeful that the good will outweigh the bad, and eventually you’d have everything you wished for; or something equivalent to that.

You truly wanted to grant your grandmothers wishes but it was difficult when the person against you, had little to no respect for you.

“No that’s not it. And you better watch your tone young lady. I am your mother above anything else!”

You nod your head while looking around the room. You attempted to hide the tears that were threatening to fall out of your eyes. They created a puddle as they stayed still. But you couldn’t keep your eyes open anymore, and with that fell your tears. Each possessing a pain that was difficult to put into words.

“You’re my mother?” You spit out, while your voice cracks in the middle of your question. You continue to shake your head, emphasizing the shock from hearing those words come out her mouth.

“Were you my mother when you’d hit me everyday after school because my father was giving me more attention than you? Were you my mother when I was diagnosed with depression, and you said that it was just a phase and refused to get me the help I needed? Oh! Were you my mother when you—“

“Enough! You’re clearly on some meds right now, and saying things that aren’t even true. And even if they were that was ages ago, get over it y/n. Gosh, when did you become like your father”

“I’m proud to be his daughter. But yours? Not even close”

You saw her lifting her hand, and aiming it directly for your cheek. It was a loud sound, and it took a lot in you, to not fall to the ground, and cry your heart out. It really did. Because in between those slaps, you were sent back to your childhood. To you coming back from your school, and waiting for your father to come home, so your mother wouldn’t lay a finger on you. It reminded you of the times, you lied you were staying at a friends place to finish a project, but actually hiding behind the shed in your backyard, until the coast was clear and you could sneak back to your room.

You raise your hand to stop her, and were lucky to caught her hand mid air. Your cheeks were burning, it felt as if someone had poured boiling water on it.

“Let’s not forget your dear father, left you behind. He’s out there with his other kids and wife, while you’re so proudly protecting him. He doesn’t love you y/n, when will you get that. Maybe if you weren’t always so ready to call him out on his errors, he wouldn’t be with another family.”

You let go of her hand and ran. You didn’t care that she was screaming out your name. You didn’t care that you were running into people, or if you got hit by a car. You didn’t care about anything. You just wanted a break. You just wanted to take a deep breathe. You needed this to be over.

You chest felt like it was going to explode. You place your hand on your chest, and began hyperventilating. Even when you were breathing, you weren’t. Your throat was shut, and your eyes were waterfalls.

You ran to your house, you ran without looking back. You ran without a care in the world. And every time you were burnt out, you stood in the middle of people and kept looking around. Everything was spinning, everything was triggering you.

You saw people laughing, smiling, and why? Why do they get to be happy, and here you were struggling to even stand still.

“Miss, are you okay?” A couple asked, but that only made you more sad. Here they were all happy and loving with eachother, and you didn’t have that in your life. It felt like they were rubbing in your face. And you couldn’t be there anymore.

“I can’t-“

And again you ran. You ran with your all. You wanted to be far away from people. From this place, that never feels like home.

You just needed to get home and down all those pills in your room. They would help you sleep, cry less, and think less. They would ease the pain you endure everyday.

It been a couple of hours since your interaction with that woman, and it still feels so recent. It feels like it was a couple of seconds ago. The things she said scarred you. It was something you attempted to erase in your mind. You wanted to remember your father like he was once. When he was your best friend, when he would do anything to make you laugh; to cheer you up.

You tried to forget when you would argue because he kept breaking his promises. You continued to voice your pain, and your anger got the best of you. So he left. He left you with your mother. He left without a single goodbye. He left without a care, about you, about your mother.

“Why did you leave” you weep, and you hug your pillow. You pet it as if it were an actual human or pet. You couldn’t seek anyone to comfort you, so you decided to pretend your pillow was the person you needed the most.

Your anger would come and go, but when it came, you would go from cuddling your pillow, to punching it with your all. And then came the emptiness.

You were dried out of tears. Your pain was still there, but it was frozen. You’d stare up at the ceiling, and find even the idea of reminiscing to be the most silliest thing ever.

You laugh out loud, at the mess you are. You laugh at the joke your life is. You laugh at how fucking sad and lonely you have always been and will continue to be for the rest of your life.

Your brain is processing everything that was today, and throughout that process, you hear a knock on the door. It can’t be her? No, it can’t she doesn’t even know where you live, where you work, or your damn birthday.

After the knocks, came the constant doorbell sounds. It was driving you crazy, and you clearly had no patience nor the right attitude to talk to anyone.

“I’m not home!” You yell as you cover yourself with a warmer blanket. Why does it have to be so damn cold?

“Y/n! It’s me open up please! I- I have to tell you something important?”

You shake yourself out of your moment for a spilt moment, and get up. You cover yourself with the blanket as you walk towards the door.

“What are you doing here?“ You comment before you open the door. You weren’t trying to be rude, but again you had a rough day and weren’t in the mood for company.

“Please.. I just. If I leave now, I’ll never be able to confess this..”

You gulp, as you unlock the door. But before you open it, you remember you look like a mess. You’ve been crying for hours, since… well, since Jungkook.

“Just- before you come in. Ignore my face, and say what you’re going to say”

“I can’t just ignore your face y/n. What’s wrong?”

You couldn’t confess what had just happened. He came here to talk about himself, and you don’t want to hear it but at the same time, you don’t want to push anyone important to you out of your life, again.

“Please! If you want me to listen to you, promise me you’d ignore my face” you pleaded, as your voice went a pitch higher, and your eyes were shut; hoping to hear the words you wanted.

“I promise” he immediately responds, knowing that it will bring you to peace. But if he sees you in pain, he’ll break that promise without hesitation. He cared about you, maybe even loved you enough to let you go.

“Okay, come in”

You opened the door with caution and attempted to hide your face. Mostly your eyes, since they contained the feeling you weren’t trying to show him.

“Are you okay?”

“What happened?”

You both said at the same time. Your eyes displayed worry and pain. One of you was physically hurt, while the other one was mentally drained.

You both had a rough day. You both needed comfort. But you weren’t sure if you both were the right person to comfort one another.

Taglist: @mwitsmejk @bambamsthings @belovedsthings @jamlessstars @bjoriis @jeonzll @oxzie @whipwhoops @driftapart @taeriffic @laylasbunbunny @ellesalazar @boredcatto @bunbunbunnykoo @taeees-world @rainfprest @sparklingprimrose @jossabelle88 @bloodline1632 @neg-l3ct @bbtsficrecs @bloopkook @petalsofink @bliiss @linours @crissteetee67 @starbtslove @laurynne5 @hollyweird0 @fragmentof-indifference @kooliv @halesandy @bloodline1632 @sukunasrealgf @bnagtanx1306

397 notes · View notes

anzynai · 1 year

Note

hi there! :3 id to request ler tsukasa tenma x lee reader or even the other way around is fine :) i really love your writing !! take care <3

Day 14 - Soft

Tsukasa x Reader (Project Sekai)

a/n; so ignoring the fact this ask was from a while ago, i actually had fun writing this! i haven’t written in a hot minute so if there’s any mistakes, that’s my bad. either way, i don’t really write x readers that much because i don’t like using y/n (so i don’t) but i try to keep it gender neutral. i prefer writing canon characters, but it was nice writing an x reader for a change. as always, enjoy!

this was originally a fic i just wrote, but i’m using it for tktober now!!!

——

Tsukasa had never been shy to physical touch, and with you, being his partner, his desire for it had only intensified.

You didn’t mind. How could you? You loved him just as he loved you so you didn’t push him away from the countless hugs and kisses that he would give you. No matter how spontaneous they often were.

Today was no different, it seemed. You stood at the kitchen, wiping off a dish. You had invited Tsukasa over that day to eat breakfast together and he agreed enthusiastically. It was a simple meal— pancakes and bacon, but enjoyable, nonetheless. Eventually, you both finished and you took the plates and began to clean them.

When you put the last dish away, arms wrap around you and Tsukasa nuzzles his hair into your neck. You giggle, turning your head back to your boyfriend.

“What are you doing?” You ask, a smile on your face. You use your hand to pat him on the head. He looks up at you, a large and gleeful smile on my face.

“Hugging you, of course! You are just so cute! Truly shining like the night sky!” Tsukasa exclaims, pulling you towards him.

“You.. you’re so stupid..” You blush, but smile back at him, returning the hug.

“I love you so much, my darling!” You could never get used to his bold affection. Though, it happened often, sometimes he just said whatever he wanted you to know and it just… flustered you a bit. He had always been confident and caring, quick to assure the people he cares about and let them know what you really mean to him. You admired that— it was one of the reasons you liked him.

“I.. love you too.” You mumble shyly, trying to turn. He had been hugging you from behind, meaning you had to crane your neck to be able to see his face.

Somehow, your movements led to fingers grazing your side and you let out a shocked gasp before you can stop it. Tsukasa pauses.

“What was that? Did I hurt you?” Tsukasa asks, gently. He removes his hands from your waist, cupping your face gently. You can feel the heat radiating from your face and onto his skin. His voice is laced with concern. What do you say now?!

“Ah— no, you just started me a bit.” You rush to exclaim and he seems to scan you over, as if making sure you meant it. He looked back at your blushing face and a cheeky smile began to adorn his features.

“What is it that startled you so much, my love?” He smiles, slowly caressing your stomach and sides with his fingers. This… was a mood he hadn’t had often. You found yourself liking it, though, and you cherished every time he would be so.. teasing.

“…Nothing.” You say, because really, what else could you say. That it tickled? Isn’t it a bit embarrassing, you think to yourself, to have such a reaction to such a light and passing touch. You hated to admit it, but among many of your friends, you were the one to be the most cursed with being ticklish. Somehow, you had hid it from Tsukasa and his inability to stop touching you, but it didn’t change the fact that you are incredibly, undeniably, extremely ticklish. What would Tsukasa do with this information? You knew the answer.

“Haha, nothing? Then you won’t mind if I do.. this?” Tsukasa laughed, scratching lightly on your side, just barely reaching under your shirt. You purse your lips together, feeling an uncontrollable smile form.

“N-no..” You mutter, and you have to force your hand to stay at your side instead of push his hand away.

He brings his other hand to your stomach, swirling around your navel teasingly. You flinch, ducking your head down so that Tsukasa wouldn’t be able to see just how hard it was to not make a sound.

“Nor this?” He laughs.

“N-nahah…” You sputter.

“I see you are a tough one to crack! No matter. Challenges like this are nothing for a star such as I!” He declares, loudly and proudly. It makes you want to give in, just for a moment. You shake your head.

“I.. I’d like to s-sehehee you t-try..!” You shouted, defiantly. If you gave in now, it would be too easy. No way you were doing that!

“Ohoho? You’re so adorable. I will make you laugh if it’s the last thing I do!” He bubbled, an elegant and quite beautiful grin splayed out on his face. He looked quite stunning. That was your last coherent thought before he began to scratch and scribble across your body with more force and speed.

You bucked out and you reached your hands up, covering your stomach as a futile attempt to stop Tsukasa’s tickly hands. You bit your lip, stifling the small huffs and giggles threatening to spill out. He put his head over your shoulder, not yet touching it to look at what he was doing to you. His hair grazed your neck, which made you feel itchy and therefore, more sensitive.

You didn’t dare speak. You wouldn’t be able to stop laughing the moment you opened your mouth and you knew it.

“My love, you don’t need to resist!” Tsukasa chuckled. You could feel your legs giving it and Tsukasa didn’t stop as he slowly guided you down to the cool kitchen floor. He sat you in his lap and he switched to squeezing your hips and…

“W-wahahahait! Stahahap!” You sputter out, a stream of giggles filling the air. You push away at his hands, leaning your head back onto his chest. Tsukasa’s face lightens up as if he had just won the lottery.

“There you go! As I thought, your laugh is as stunning as you are!” He beams, prodding at your hips with excitement.

“T-Tsukasa!” You laugh, but you can feel yourself enjoying this. He nuzzles into your neck, watching with amusement and joy when you scrunch your neck down.

He moves his hands up again, barely grazing your sides and chuckling when you flinch again. Though he only goes up, until he reached your underarms and just.. goes for it.

“N-nOHOHOHO! TSUKASAHAHA!” You cry out, a wave of panicked laughter washing over you. Your armpits were definitely one of your worst spots. You always reached your limit quickly after someone tickled you there.

“It seems I found a good spot!” He hums, digging into your sensitive hollows and absorbing every single bit of laughter that escapes your lips.

“NOHOHOHOHO… N-nOHO moHOHOHore…!” You howled and fortunately, his tickling fingers came to a halt. Instead, he rubbed your stomach comfortingly, resting his head on your shoulder as you leaned back at him, trying to catch your breath.

“You really are so cute.” He muttered, smiling at you with such joy in his eyes that you felt you couldn’t look away.

“You had fun, then?” You croaked, faking a glare. The facade broke instantly and you smiled back at him. Smiles were contagious, indeed.

“Mhm! I always have fun when I’m with you!” Tsukasa complimented.

“I do too..” You admit, looking at the ground.

“I take it you enjoyed the tickling then?” Tsukasa asked and you grumbled, absolutely refusing the answer the question.

You put your hand on the back on his head pushing it towards you. He seemed shocked at first, but smiled when your lips met his. You really loved him so much.

32 notes · View notes

whatisreggieshortfor · 1 year

Text

Real Sweet But I Wish You Were Sober

Kunimi x gn!reader

Finals were finally over. To most of your peers, including your best friends, it meant it was time to blow off steam.

Unfortunately for some of those friends, it also meant they would find you at a frat party two shots shy of becoming whiskey drunk- and you were pretty sure they drew straws or something to decide who to send after you.

And when you were whiskey drunk, you would become brutally honest with anyone- while still managing to be a hype man.

It was an odd combination, not one many people could walk the line of, but you always managed to do it.

Kunimi sighed as Kindaichi patted his shoulder, “You know the rules man, it’s your turn.”

“I know,” the tired man watched from a distance, grimacing as he saw you down another shot, “I hate when it’s mine turn.”

“Makes you feel better, Y/N doesn’t generally remember anything the next day.”

“That’s what make it worse.” He sighed again, dodging his way through the crowd until he managed to slide into the spot next you, “Y/N-“

“Akira!” You exclaimed, falling on him as you stumbled over a step to throw your arms around him in a hug, “Are you gonna be any fun tonight?”

“I think you’ve had enough fun for both of us.” He grumbled, catching your weight in his arms when you shifted and almost tumbled to the ground, “Come on, let’s get you some water.”

“But-“

“No buts-“ He hoped you wouldn’t notice the smile he was trying to suppress tugging at his lips when you pouted, “We need to get some into you or your hangover tomorrow will be god awful and I’m the one that’ll have to hear about it.”

Your pout shifted to a glimmering smile, and he cursed the way his heart betrayed him as it thumped at seeing it so close, “You always take such care of me, Akira.”

Do you think he could do any less? He sighed for what felt like the hundredth time since Yahaba had even broached the idea of celebrating the end of another college year to begin with, “Yeah, yeah, come on.” He slung his arm around your waist, trying to support you as he led you to the kitchen to find water.

“Are you trying to cop a feel, Akira?” He wished he could blame the flush in his cheeks on alcohol like you could, “I’m kidding!” You snorted, “We both know you don’t think of me like that. No matter what I do.”

You were already at this point?? Fuck, he’d have to get you home fast. Usually when you started gushing his praises it meant you were on the verge of passing out for the night.

Kunimi didn’t care for a lot of things. He didn’t care for wasting energy. He didn’t care for people nine times out of ten. He didn’t care for parties.

And yet here he was, wasting his own energy surrounded by people at a frat party he didn’t want to be at.

The reason for that was the same reason every time he found himself in this situation: you.

“…okay with the way things are, really I am.” He looked at you, struggling to keep your eyes open as you kept muttering more to yourself than to him as your hands clutched the water glass he managed to place in them. How were you still so ethereal to look at? “Seijoh gifted me with so many friends in the years we were there. The old captain is actually famous now and all… but I don’t think I’ll ever be half as thankful for what I got there as I am for our friendship. Even if it’s only ever friendship.”

You grinned at him, bright and happy, with eyes like you were looking at everything you could ever want in the world, “You’re always so sweet.” He sighed, practically grumbling under his breath, “I wish you could say it sober for once. I grant the wish in a heartbeat.”

The next morning you didn’t seem to remember any of it, you never did. Kunimi never let it show on his face but, as much as it hurt him, he still cherished those drunken moments from you. They gave him hope that maybe one day you could actually give him the type of love he had been waiting to give you for years.

But he tried to ignore it, tried to shove away the feelings he wanted to share.

Instead of taking the night in with you like he always did after you drank too much, he found himself at another party hoping to drown his own feelings.

He didn’t see Kindaichi and Yahaba watching him warily, didn’t see when they placed the call, but suddenly you were sitting beside him. Smiling like you always did when you saw him. Too bright to be for someone as grumpy as he was.

“There you are, Akira!” You said in lieu of greeting, “Didn’t get enough last night?”

“Didn’t.” He grunted, why were you here? You never left your dorm after a night out.

Poking his side, you laughed when he jolted, “Come on, grumpy. Thought you didn’t like going out.”

“Don’t.” He grunted again. “But do it for you.”

You blinked, your big eyes looking back at his, “You do it for me?”

“Yup. Cause I like you- someone needs to take care of you when you go out.”

The smile was softer this time, he always got lost in that one, almost didn’t hear you speak, “That’s really sweet, but I wish you’d say it sober.”

“What?” He went stock still, but you didn’t seem to notice.

Your fingers ran through his hair, you never had qualms about touching him like the others did, “It’s impossible to read your mind. Sometimes I think you feel the way I do. Sometimes I think you tolerate me at best.”

Someone called your name, and you pressed a kiss to his cheek before your presence was gone. Had he imagined you here to begin with?

When Kunimi woke up, he had no memory of getting home. But he could remember you, saying exactly what he’d said the night before. That was real, wasn’t it? Did you actually remember what he said in your drunken state?

Hangover be damned, he was throwing on the first sweats he could find, feet being stomped into his shoes.

“Whoa-“ Kindaichi jumped as he shoved his way past to get to the door, “Kunimi, what’s the hurry?”

“I need to talk to Y/N. Something they said-“

“Akira?” He spun around, in his haste to find you he hadn’t actually looked around the apartment he shared with Kindaichi, but now he found you in the kitchen nursing a cup of coffee as you slid one his way, “What’s the hurry?”

“Are you sober?”

His question made you tilt your head, but he could see something like hope glimmering in your eyes. “I am.”

“I am, too.” He echoed, “At least I’m pretty sure I slept it off. But-“

“Breathe, Akira. I’m not going anywhere.”

He did so obediently, wondering how he never noticed the power you have over him in its entirety. You always had him doing things he would never let someone else talk him into.

“I like you.” He knew Kindaichi’s eyes were bugging out if his head somewhere behind him, shocked to hear him actually admit to feelings of any kind even if all their friends already knew. “I just-“

He wasn’t sure what he was going to say, he had never intended to tell you to begin with, but something this morning made him feel like he had to.

“I like you, too.” And then that soft smile was back on your face, “I know you always told me that you wished I was sober, but I just never knew what you’d say. At least I could pretend that it didn’t happen before.”

“Just say yes now,” he offered, “I know I’m not… I’m not what most people would want. People want effort and optimism and stuff that I’m not known for. But I’ll try for you.”

Laughing, you took his hand, “You don’t need to try to be anything but you. I’ve known you a lot of years now, and you’re exactly what I want.”

Oikawa FaceTimed in the middle of the night- greatly offended to find the two of you answering the call from a cuddle in Kunimi’s bed- that he had to hear the news from Kindaichi.

Masterlist

#haikyuu x male reader #haikyuu #haikyuu x reader #haikyuu x female reader #haikyuu x gender neutral reader #haikyuu kunimi #kunimi akira #kunimi x reader

54 notes · View notes

dwellinginsilence · 3 months

Text

Haleigha with her Elf Owl, Owlthena. Under the break is her 🪄Wizarding World Alphabet🪄 and an empty one if anyone else would like to fill one out for themselves or their MC. Please tag me if you do, because I want to see everyone's babies.

divider by @cafekitsune

🐈Animagus: Tortoiseshell cats belong to witches and wizards who are wise beyond their years. They tend to be quiet, but it’s because they are observing and analyzing their surroundings. They are caring and understanding and need plenty of alone time to be able to organize their world. They love adventures, new experiences, expanding their minds, and their people even though they cherish their alone time. They are individualistic, independent, and go after what’s best for themselves and their loved ones. Even if things don’t turn out how they want, they still tend to be very optimistic.

😱Boggart: Ranrok

🍎Class: Her favorite classes are Herbology and Care of Magical Creatures, does the best in Potions, and even though she likes history as a general rule she can’t stand History of Magic class or Professor Binns. Her favorite teacher (after Fig’s passing) is Professor Garlick and she will search her out if she’s had a bad day for a hug or some plant therapy. Her favorite damage spell is Bombarda, but her over all favorite spell is the Patronus charm especially since her patronus reminds her of Sebastian. She will often cast it just to be surrounded by the warm magic and memory of Sebastian (while he’s gone from her life). Even after he returns, she’ll conjure it to seek him out just to prove to herself he’s safe.

💀Dark Magic: Not as against it as most others, sees the use for some and thinks knowing all magic to protect oneself is important. But, ultimately, doesn’t have much interest in learning any dark magic and feels more and more uncomfortable with her friends doing it.

🌀Expecto Patronum/Patronus: Tortoiseshell cat if she learns the charm before falling in love with Sebastian, but it’ll change to a dragon. If she falls in love with him first, it’ll be a dragon from the start.

🧹Flying: Loves flying, but doesn’t enjoy quidditch. As a matter of fact, isn’t really coordinated enough to fly and play a game. Doesn’t have a preferred broom, but will choose to ride her thestral, Equinox, when he comes to live with her, over anything else whenever possible.

🏏Game team: Whichever team her friends tell her to root for because she couldn’t care less who wins what.

🏠House: Hufflepuff. But she has a very soft spot for Slytherins.

🔵Imperio: Not a fan. Her least favorite of the Unforgivables. She hates the idea of taking someone autonomy away. It feels like assault to her.

💼Job: Wants to becomes a professor at Hogwarts and do something with magical creatures.

💋Kiss: Her first kiss was five years old with the boy next door. He chased her around their houses and when she finally let him catch her, she kissed him. Her first real kiss was Sebastian.

🧠Legilimancy: Learns to overcome Imperio, but nothing more than that.

🐉Magical beasts: Her favorite beasts are nifflers and thestrals and she keeps many in her vivariums. As she gets older and continues studying beasts, she collects so many she ends up having separate habitats for each type of beast that she keeps. She has a three legged albino niffler she rescued from poachers named Jack and a thestral named Equinox she gave to Sebastian for a period of time.

📝N. E. W. T./OWL: Takes every single test, even the ones not necessary for her future career and passes them all with at least “Acceptable”. The classes she regularly took she got at least “Exceeds Expectations” in. And she got “Outstanding” in Creatures, Potions, Herbology, and Charms.

🦉Owl: A grayish black Elf Owl named Owlthena

🌱Plant: She lives Niffler’s Fancy because it makes her nifflers go crazy and get quite distracted by the beauty of a fanged geranium.

🏉Quidditch: Tried playing, did not like it. Enjoys watching her friends play. Gets incredibly frustrated if she catches Sebastian playing. Can take or leave professional games.

💭Remember: Her favorite memory is getting her Hogwarts letter after not believing she ever would. Then the look on Sebastian’s face when he fell off the dueling table.

🩸Status:blood: Half-blood, her mother grew up a witch, her father is a muggle. Having not grown up around wizarding families she doesn’t even understand the blood status issue.

🍬Treats/Honeyduke’s: Chocolate frogs are her favorite and she will shamelessly eat several at once. She keeps a book of all the cards and has them organized alphabetically by Hogwarts House, then just alphabetically if they didn’t attend Hogwarts. She also loves trying Bertie Bots Every Flavor Beans, especially with Anne once she becomes well.

❌Ugly bad habits: She can’t say no, even when she’s exhausted she literally can’t move.

🙊Veritaserum: She thinks the potion should be regulated so it can be used as a proper tool in court. She doesn’t have any issues using it or having it used on her. If someone is going to lie, they should be willing to pay whatever price is necessary, and she is willing to pay that price. It took her a few tries to brew a perfect batch, but ever since she makes sure to keep some on hand. Just in case.

🪄Wand: Wood: English Oak- This is a loyal wood and demands a partner of strength, courage, fidelity, powerful intuition, and an affinity for the natural world (the creatures and plants in it). Some believe Merlin’s wand was made of English Oak, but it isn’t certain. Core: Dragon Heartstring- They produce the most powerful magic and learn and bond the quickest. They can be somewhat tempramental. Flexibility: Solid Length: 10 1/4” Appearance: Soft spiral, black Handle: switches between Imperial (grey and silver), Botanical (silver leaf), and Celestial (light grey)

➕Xtra: When she smells Amortentia it smells like pine trees, fresh oranges, the lake (fresh water in general), and singed wood (the smell when confringo is cast). Her own scent is similar to fresh baked apple pie, new books, and fire (not something burning, but fire itself). The scar across her eye is from a dog attack as a small child. She doesn't remember it, but she almost lost her eye.

🤢Yuck: Once she feels she’s proved her bravery to Sebastian or anyone else she battles with, if they’re out and get attacked by dugbogs she will let the other person handle them. Everything about those beasts makes her gag.

😜Zonkos: She can be quite playful, so to get Garreth back for almost getting her in trouble her first week at Hogwarts, she bought trick ink and switched it with his. Instead of it being invisible immediately, it turned invisible a day after use. So only after he’d done his work and took his notes and turned everything in did he realize it was all blank. (She made sure to talk to the professors about it all before hand so his grades wouldn’t suffer. She couldn’t stand the guilt of permanently hurting someone’s record.) Later that year, she switched his soap for trick soap that left stains that wouldn’t come out for a week. He threatened revenge but she gave him sad eyes and he gave her a big hug instead. divider by @cafekitsune

🪄Wizarding World Alphabet🪄

🐈Animagus:

😱Boggart:

🍎Class:

💀Dark Magic:

🌀Expecto Patronum/Patronus:

🧹Flying:

🏏Game team:

🏠House:

🔵Imperio:

💼Job:

💋Kiss:

🧠Legilimancy:

📝N. E. W. T./OWL:

🦉Owl:

🌱Plant:

🏉Quidditch:

💭Remember:

🩸Status:blood:

🍬Treats/Honeyduke’s:

❌Ugly bad habits:

🙊Veritaserum:

🪄Wand:

➕Xtra:

🤢Yuck:

😜Zonkos:

#hogwarts legacy #hogwarts legacy fanart #wizarding world #hogwarts legacy fanfic #Dwelling In Silence AI #hogwarts legacy oc #hogwarts legacy mc #hufflepuff #Dwelling In Silence Templates

9 notes · View notes