ocean o'connell rosenberg has verbal shutdowns . she doesn't like telling people- feels like it doesn't fit her whole "in charge of everything all the time" vibe , and she hates being seen as weak- but sometimes the world is just too much , even for the most ambitious girl in town .
the first person who realized was constance , of course . before even ocean knew what was happening , constance had noticed her struggling to get words out and mentioned it one time when ocean's voice just wouldn't cooperate . and after a few , painful hours of coaxing to convince a still-unable-to-speak ocean into slowly , slowly being able believe that this wasn't a weakness or a personal failure on her part , ocean finally had someone she could trust to help her when she needed it .
from that point forward , constance began to speak for ocean when she couldn't , covering for her whenever she was around people who she didn't want to notice anything strange (which was , perhaps unsurprisingly , everyone except constance) . she would memorize ocean's speeches so she could step in at a moment's notice if she had to , and take over for ocean when they were talking in a group or find her a way out of there . the choir noticed the change in the normally-quiet constance , of course , but they didn't think too much of it- those two had always been a finish-each-other's-sentences kind of pair . they thought it was kind of nice that constance was speaking up more .
they started learning sign language together so they could communicate better when ocean wasn't speaking- bff telepathy only goes so far , and games of charades took too long and just made ocean feel embarrassed . and consequentially , when ricky joined the choir , they were the only ones that he could really talk to . maybe the only ones in the entire school- saint cassian's was not known for its inclusivity . ocean responding a question he signed was how he got into the choir in the first place- she was the first person who had responded with anything other than blank stares or "stop waving your hands around , you'll hit someone" , let alone actually understood and could sign back . he desperately needed someone he could talk to , and so the choir got a new member .
the already-multilingual mischa picked up sign quickly as soon as he understood how it worked , and though noel wasn't quite as skilled at languages with the help of the choir he was learning at a steady pace . constance's not-so-subtle hints for ocean to tell the rest of the choir about her fluctuating verbality when asked how the two of them already knew so much sign were resolutely ignored , ocean blurting out something about a languages club she'd dragged constance to last year before rushing out of the room with a mumbled excuse that even constance couldn't make out .
ricky was the second to notice . being the only member of the choir who couldn't sing , he had a lot more downtime to observe the others . more time to notice the concealed signs to constance that she repeated , the subtle questions from constance to ocean if she was alright to keep going , the way ocean's voice sometimes got shaky and strained before she stopped talking altogether and constance stepped in , and he began to put the pieces together .
one day after rehearsal he just .... asked , if she was sometimes like him , not able to talk ? and he comforted her the best he could when tears welled up in her eyes and she just sobbed , out of relief and fear and all the emotions that come with someone finding out the secret that you keep closest to your chest , when that someone is like you in a way that no one has ever been like you before , when you didn't even know anyone else could be like you .
ocean and ricky walked home together that day , signing rapidly at first about all the shit that comes with not being able to talk that neither ricky nor ocean had even been able to talk about , and eventually about .... anything , really , as long as it was with each other .
and then there was penny . penny the enigma , the one none of them could quite figure out . she had the most beautiful , haunting voice when she sang , yet outside the songs she hardly talked at all , mostly repeating things the others had said back to them . sweet penny , unsure of what to do to make the choir members happy but trying hard with her strange facts and offers of hugs and the dolly she always carried around because that's what always comforted her . watchful penny , paying attention to everything and everyone not in a malicious way , she's just so curious . intuitive penny , able to make connections that no one else would . penny was the third .
"you're not talking today ."
it was a statement of fact , not a question or an accusation . still , it froze ocean in her tracks , not least because the room had appeared to be empty just seconds before . in the few days since penny had joined the choir , ocean had gotten used to her popping up seemingly out of nowhere- disappearing was a talent of hers , it seemed . casually pointing out things that people tried very hard to hide was a new one , though if ocean stopped to think about it , not entirely surprising .
ocean was not , however , thinking about the many talents of penny lamb . her thoughts were rapidly spiraling down the path of no no no she's going to tell everyone , the choir leader has to be able to speak they're going to kick me out and no one will ever respect me again , who even does this why am i like this how did she figure it out-
she felt two stiff , but not unkind hands touch her own , jolting her out of her thoughts and gently removing her hands from where they were scratching grooves into her arms . she heard a sweet , melodic voice saying something- what was it saying ?
"breathe . 1 , 2 , 3 , 4 ."
ocean took a breath . she hadn't even realized she was hyperventilating .
"hold . 1 , 2 , 3 , 4 ."
she held it , feeling her heart rate begin to slow .
"out . 1 , 2 , 3 , 4 ."
as she exhaled , penny dropped her hands and stood back , seemingly unsure of what to do now that she had calmed ocean down . she just stared with those green , doe eyes of hers , head tilted to the side in worry and confusion , and ocean knew she couldn't leave without offering an explanation . so , slowly , unsure if penny would even be able to understand her , she began to sign .
yeah . sometimes i .... can't . it's not all the time , i mean , obviously , and most people don't know , just constance and ricky and you too now and please please don't tell the others , i don't know how they'll react and i .... ocean took a shuddering breath , hands going down to her sides as she tried to work out what she wanted to say next , and i'm scared . i don't want them to treat me differently , or think i'm weak or fragile , or anything like that . i know i can't keep this from them forever , but i just .... i need to do it on my own time . i'm sorry , penny , you're the new one i'm supposed to be helping you not dragging you into my problems like this , i'll make it up to you i promise- i'll take you to the fair , it's fun there i'll show you all the best things- she shook her hands out abruptly , stopping her nervous rambling before she got too far off-track . anyway . i'm sorry . just , please don't tell them for me . promise you'll let me do it on my own . ocean lifted her eyes from her hands , looking at penny for the first time since she started explaining . she half-expected to see a blank , confused stare on the girl's face and have to write all of that down or force herself to speak it out loud .
what she got instead was an expression halfway between sympathetic and amused , clear though penny's face never changed much . the softened eyes and barely quirked lip gave it away , things you would never notice unless you were looking closely . and ocean was , because she had to know what penny was thinking and feeling . for her standing with the choir , but also with this girl , this strange girl she'd only known a few days and yet knew more about her than almost anyone else in her life . this girl looking at her with such warmth in her eyes , and before ocean could start to think about what that might mean , penny lifted her hands and signed two words .
i promise .
and then ocean was enveloped in a warm , tight hug , and released so quickly that she was still processing it when she realized penny was nowhere to be seen .
she told them the next day , because ocean o'connell rosenberg does nothing in halves . when she glanced over at constance , ricky , and penny during her announcement , they were looking at her like they were more proud than they'd ever been and she nearly broke down crying . noel lamented his lack of proficiency in sign language and promised to double down on it , for both ricky's and her sake . mischa congratulated her on being able to be vulnerable with the group . by the time she was done , she was definitely crying .
being overwhelmed with acceptance was a new feeling for ocean , who had never felt quite like she fit either in the commune with her parents or at saint cassian's . she'd tried so hard to mold herself into what she thought people wanted her to be , and it had never worked . but now , telling the choir something about herself that she had tried to hide for so long for fear of rejection and being met with nothing but acceptance and love ..... ocean finally realized she didn't have to do that anymore . here , here were people who cared about her for who she was , not how well she could conform to their beliefs or do something for them . she finally had people she could trust . she finally had a family .
she didn't remember falling asleep after collapsing into sobs , but she woke up surrounded by the rest of the choir , everyone piled on top of each other , all fast asleep . she shook her head , fondly exasperated , and fell back asleep to the low , soft breathing of the choir .
ocean walking into a rehearsal , interrupting whatever's going on with two loud claps , and immediately launching into one of her signature speeches in sign is a normal occurrence now . so is her sitting in the back with penny , the two quietly taking in everything around them and calming down from how overwhelming the world can be . ocean's still the leader , certainly , but she has less of a need to have everything in a chokehold all the time . they're all .... really happy . things go wrong , as they always do , but they help each other through it . because they're family , and they care about each other more than anything in the world .
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There is a nebulous jordie lives au which lives entirely in my head in which jordie recovers from the plague while Kaz is still sick. He gets up to find them food and water only to return and discover Kaz is nowhere to be found. Still recovering from the fever, he searches the barrel for days before he finally sees Kaz wandering down the staves in a sort of fugue state, soaked to the bone with a haunted look in his eyes.
Kaz won’t tell him what happened, but jordie knows it’s bad because his baby brother flinches every time he touches him, and soon enough he’s started wearing gloves, even in the height of summer.
Soon, they discover kazs gift for cards, and it keeps them fed and clothed, if not much else. Kaz is angry at jordie for losing the money, refuses to let him make any decisions. Jordie is beholden to his angry traumatized little brother because he can’t deny that he failed them the first time around.
Kaz is offered a place in his pick of the gangs, but the only one willing to take both him and his tag along older brother is the dregs. Jordie dies a little bit inside when they join up, when they take the tattoo side by side, but he’s not sure they’ll survive another winter on the streets.
And the plot of SoC generally goes on from there. Jordie tags along on the ice court, he and Jesper test kazs patience at every turn, he’s constantly offering unsolicited annoying older brother advice about Inej.
This lends itself to a really interesting exploration of Kaz and jordies relationship, what holds brothers together in the face of incredible trauma, the skewed power dynamic of Kaz becoming the breadwinner for them both at the age of nine, etc etc. But mostly, this au is a vessel for the sailing of the ultimate crack ship, which is of course, jordie/alys Van Eck.
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tags: gojo x f!reader, bridgerton au. (unedited)
word count: 1.29k
it seems as though lady whistledown had taken a liking to you. born out of a prestigious lineage, your name was untainted, holding no negative connotation other than the envy your perfectness shone over anything.
like a porcelain doll, as the queen has once referred to you as on your first visit.
your mother and grandmother before you married as 'pure' with little to no scandals involved, yet it was your mother in her time who caused the biggest uproar in suitors to pursue her. even today, you had grown up with maids, nannies, and people well acquainted with your mother, and your mother at times who would share details over her diamond years. 3, to be exact.
now you felt an obligation to live up to the family name, to honor the work your mother has preserved before you so that you could comfortably live a life with no shame, and you swore that you would do the same for your own children.
if, you decided to bear them.
tonight, you stand in a glorious dress, embedded with the stones your mother and trusted modist claimed to make you look radiant. yet that seemed to be the opposite for you. 4 dances have occurred in your presence and only one man approached to talk to you. the worst thing was that he was unsuitable, and your mother had to intervene, breaking apart the association and taking you to another.
"he was boring," you whisper shouted at your mother who eyed you, aware to not make a scene as you stopped by a secluded balcony. "it seemed everything I told him, he would restate it or make it obvious. it was like talking to myself! if I wanted to, I would have sought company from my mirror."
"how frustrating." you nod in agreement with your mother.
"have all good men gone to waste mama?" you ask, stress and tears welling in your eyes. "If this is the first man I encounter, I cannot bear to think what the rest of them might be like. Or is it I am just ugly?"
"hush, child." your mother holds your shoulders, then cups your cheeks. "you're not acting like yourself tonight. don't let one bad apple ruin your basket. you are young, gifted, and come from a name. you are something because you came from me. have I not taught you well?" she caresses your arm in comfort. "come, wipe those tears that are threatening to fall. you will cause a scandal on your own if you are seen crying tonight. let's find you an honorary man."
that night you only danced with two men. they remained respectful, yet not enough to provoke intrigue in you. though you would never outwardly admit that to your mother, at the end of your second dance, you went for a beverage. opting for some time for yourself.
"I couldn't help but wonder if you were running from that man after that dance, or if the conversation was that good you needed to excuse yourself for a beverage." the voice snickers, standing beside you, "he was terrible, right?"
"I wasn't, I was just dehydrated." you remark, careful with your tone as you defend your doings. as you stand beside him, you cannot see his face as he is taller than you. lifting your head up would raise even more spectacle as you saw one woman and what appeared to be her sister point at you with the mysterious man at your side.
"so do they just dehydrate fair maidens now? seems like a trick to get you to marry the first man you see,"
you don't answer him quick enough.
"lord higurama is a good choice. he has a fair name and a inheritance to obtain, however, be wary of his drinking problem. heard he leaves bars at ungodly hours of the morning with holes in his pockets."
you can't help but gasp softly, almost in disbelief as the man beside you spoke so poorly of the men you danced with. it might have been a given that you needed to get out of here after those girls pointed at you with shock on their faces. have you just ruined your reputation?
"I respectfully fail to see how that is any of your concern, sir." you state, imposing a formal limit, "I have no desire to engage in talk if it pertains to stain the reputation of others."
"please," you hear him snort beside you and you freeze, feeling yourself slightly become smaller. "his reputation is done for. I'd be doing you a favor
"and your reputation, good sir?" you counter, but when you hear silence from him, you fear you have crossed the line. it isn't until you are pulled by mother you see this man. white hair adorns his features while stunning blue eyes decorate his face. the hold your mother has on you let's you know to stand well, and be presentable.
"Lord Gojo," your mother bows, slightly forcing you to bow with her, "what a pleasnt encounter to find you here. my condolences to you and your family after your father's passing."
"lady levington, you are too kind." he man before you bows, offering your mother a charming smile you can't help but hold back a jaw drop at his sudden charming behavior. "I assume you are enjoying your time at the final winter's ball?"
"indeed," your mother smiles charmed, "we were just enjoying our time at the ball. this is my daughter, lady levington. she is of the age to begin looking for a suitor," your mother states, "wouldn't you agree?"
"well I find it difficult to believe that your daughter will struggle to find a suitable partner given her agreeable nature," your jaw slightly clenches, "I suppose you have a large list of eligible bachelor's for your daughter?"
"oh yes," your mother smiles, "but I tell my daughter we must select carefully. it is growing rather difficult to choose an honorable man for marriage, yet modern problems always continue to arise with the passing of time. wouldn't you agree?"
"I couldn't have said it better myself," he smiles, "finding a husband has been growing to be tedious by the years, yet that is why we must be careful in selecting. london is unfortunately filled with lots of ineligible bachelors starting off with lawyers with questionable drinking and spending habits. a poor reflection on our society, wouldn't you agree?"
"it is unfortunate indeed," you mother sighs softly, "but we shall look carefully to ensure a positive outlook for the future."
"that is always a pleasure to hear," smiles gojo, offering a bow. "if you'll excuse me, I must be on my way. it has been a pleasure to find you in good health, madam. and the best of my wishes to your lovely daughter as well."
after some concluding exchanges, your mother stands proudly with a smile on her face. "you will not believe who we just spoke to." she says, moving you away from the drinking station. "we must bid our farewells and leave as soon as possible."
"why?" you frown, "the dance doesn't end until-"
"-we've already met an eligible bachelor," your mother smiles, "you should've seen the look on everyone's faces. you will surely draw attention now, my dear."
the following day, you wake up to the following news from lady whistledown, having written an article about you.
"at the winter's ball, lady levington's beauty could be seen from a mile away, drawing the attention of lords. standing with such poise and grace, lady levington has proved herself to start off as an indestructible force with honor as her first name. will she perhaps be named diamond of the season? or indestructible diamond?"
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