#I HAVE SPOKEN ABT THIS BEFORE
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switch climax is now just around the corner and i need u guys to know if akira fucks up the writing u will never hear from me again.
#not true i love posting online BUT IM SCARED#IN A PERFECT WORLD THE STORY WOULD BE ABT SORA AND MUGI#AND THEM GETTING CLOSER#I HAVE SPOKEN ABT THIS BEFORE#DOES IT HAVE TO BE ABOUT THAT? NO. SO LONG AS THE STORY IS GOOD#BUT DO I TRUST AKIRA? ALSO NO#at least switch hasnt been fucked over as badly as other units in !!-era#but im so scared. How am i supposed to be excited for switch climax when theres a chance#they do my boys DIRTY#its ok tho......... new switch song and switch album has me shaking at high frequencies#nat rambles
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in conclusion the most poignant thing about ruina is its running theme of Imperfection. imperfection, focused not on its flaws, but on the miracle of it existing to begin with. imperfection not as a failing, but as a triumph. its cracked, broken, deeply in need of repair-- but it's real and its ours and it exists. despite everything it exists and that enough is a relief beyond words, beyond expression. to present a toppled structure not as a conclusion, but an opportunity.
its the choice-- and the joy-- of looking forward, unflinchingly, and facing it. one step at a time.
#piktalk#projmoon#didnt want to . make a bigger tagwall than i already made . ae if ur reading this uhhhhhh sorry <33 hai KSJNFD#anyway one of these days i might get th voice to really truly put down everything and what it means in regards to . [motions w hands]#but this ones just on my mind right now. something abt the presentation of ruina just fucking Kills and this is the big reason why#ilike. had to take a good couple hours after th finale to just simmer with it. because well..#again. its imperfection. every other story has such stark; lined up beats and paths and Messages Youre Supposed To Take#which ive spoken on before-- and it isnt a bad thing necessarily! but it does really speak something; quietly;#for those whose development Isnt That Neat. that Isnt That Kind. to themself or to others. im no expert; but it really does mean something#that ruina is written in such a way where there is no 'this is wrong and heres how they fix it to be forgiven'#or 'this is right and what everyone should do to be a Good Person'#angela simply Is. roland simply Is. they all simply Are. they make choices; have hopes; dreams; things they care about--#and theres no overarching echo of What Should Be. simply what people do; and what people hope for.#um. anyway. tag wall again; in conclusion: Why Dont You Go Listen To Poems Of A Machine And Maybe Then Youll Calm Down
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yargh. complicated characters save me complicated characters…
#im thinking about ceroba…#im thinking about how ive seen so many ppl (in ‘hot takes’) call her a bad mother for what she did to kanako#and im thinking about how its. silly to base the entire view of her as a character around one mistake#yes sure a very BIG mistake but still one mistake#i dont know if i would even say shes a bad mom. to do so would require me to make some kind of criteria to actually define#what MAKES a bad person#ive spoken before to a friend about how our concepts of good and bad as a whole r subjective anyway#but thats besides the point#i think ceroba as a interesting character becauseee of her mistakes because of her flaws#i think (er. KNOW) that she was a very caring mother. she loved kanako lots lots lots and did everything in her power to fix that mistake#but that doesnt take away that it still happened#im just rambling at this point. nonsense probably#but i think the reason i dislike the bad mom ceroba takes so much is that its reduction to her character in a way…#and that it cant and shouldnt rlly speak to her characterization before and after. yknow the incident#sorry thats a big mess….. i have thoughts i dont know how to speak them#i could say the same abt the other characters too… how ppl like to equate their whole view of a char#to only a few moments with that char#weve forgotten star tried briefly to take clovers soul </3 but oh well#ok im done jfkdkd this is disorganized
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i rly like when people use words incorrectly and then trying to reverse engineer what they think the word meant. it's like a game
#we could of course get into an entire convo abt the symbolic nature of language and semiotics#most of the time it's clear what they were TRYING to say or assumed the word meant#i have a lot of respect for people who actively try to broaden their own vocabulary (esp through reading bc learning-#how to correctly integrate unfamiliar words you've never actually heard spoken before into your own use is HARD.)#but i think sometimes people choose to use words they don't actually understand under the pretence of sounding smarter#i'd argue someone who expresses themselves and their ideas clearly with a basic vocabulary is more impressive than-#someone who uses words they don't understand to sound impressive
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okay one more azuma post for the day before i go to bed because i have to do work at my job in 7hours:
i think it’s incredibly telling that as soon as hashimoto is not credited on something related to the series we get:
1. more noticeably adult looking designs for the characters as a whole (even if i’m not a huge fan of the 3d models’ art style)
2. actual skin tone variety for a large chunk of the cast that’s not just 98% pale and one to two characters who are possibly some sort of greyish in tone
#silent hope was also noticeable for this in that as a spinoff without hashimoto on it#the cast was about ~60% Not Pale and we got rune factory and co’s first ever black character in the form of caster#like im not joking that single cast of 9 was more diverse rhan like the entire rf series before ir.#azuma has both given us our first ever non-pale protagonist in the form of subaru#as well as several brown charas showcased over two (2) trailers. who all have saturated skin tones.#i’ve spoken abt this before with people but it’s certainly very much the aspect of hashimoto-era bokumono & rune factory in general im most#critical about. because his colourism & racism are very noticeable at times.#ex. the lulukoko charas being a mishmosh of cultures + allegedly speaking gibberish as tbeir language in jpn 3t#or the brother trio in grand bazaar’s designs being racist caricatures#or everything regarding fuuka who he designed.#i love these series and i especiallg love rf. as we all know. but it’s a terrible look and it’s v telling that this kind of cast diversity#only shows up as soon as he’s not in rhe picture#bri.txt
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thrilling sequel to my poll from back in January
#I wish I was kidding about the eulogy one. I really wish I was#decisions decisions. who to chose#the people I actually like…?? or the people who like me?#these are so stupid I love making them.#bbge polls#bbge.text#more info on each#bc I want to yap abt em#1 - PLEASE return my calls… this girl was so kind and gentlemanly and we had suchhhh awesome chemistry#she goes to an Ivy League so it could be she’s just hella busy w work not ghosting me#I hope it’s that I really liked her :’)#2 - I actually did ask him out. kinda indirectly . and casually. too casually bc now neither of us have brought it up again#he makes me so happy to be around 😭 it makes me kinda emotional#he’s just like… sHOCKING and endearing and never the same#I love him unfortunately no matter what. as a human#3 - SAME FOR HERRRR OMG :( my beloved.#no one has ever been kinder to me maybe.#‘British’ is a downside here bc that means v long distance and . also bc I thought it would be funny to count as a point against her lol#we met during the summer and I miss being around her every day#4 - OKAY. we TOTALLY have chemistry and NOO ONE has acknowledged it. but it’s THERE every time we talk.#and I’ve never really had that w somebody before in this way idk 🫥#I accidentally referred to her as my ‘partner’ when our party members were teamed up together to do something and it was probably FINE but#it sounded so romantic I got embarrassed asf#she can probably tell I like her I don’t think I’m slick 😭😭#and I feel like she might like me too? or we just get along real well I’m not sure#bc we get along like. REALLY well#5 - I stare at her all the time… she is stunning. she writes great poems. soft spoken in this incrediblyyyyy endearing way#I worked up the courage to talk to her n get her number for WEEKS!!!! and then. nothing lol#6 - he’s a great conversationalist… and I know he’s single….. but he also likes Quentin Tarantino like. abnormal amounts idk#shit . I’m out of tags. for the rest uhhh use ur imagination bye :)
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i am the talker. sorry. during movies and tv shows (not in a theater unless its empty in which case SORRY!) BUT I LOVE TO DISCUSS WHATNIM WATCHING I LOVE TO ASK QUESTIONS I KNOW THE MOVIE WILL ANSWRR I LOVE TO whats the word. like spectate but for ... its like prediction but its. like spectate .. but prediction. like when youre like Thinking about something and. theorize i guess? i feel it starts with an s. anyways i love to do whatever that shit is SPECULATE. SPECULATE I LOVE TO SPECULATE WHILE WATCHING!!! SRY!! I LOVETO MAKE JOKES AND LAUGH lock me up nd such.
#if u do not like ppl who talk during movies Kill me dead. sorry... im sorry#I TRY NOT TO DO IT if ik someone doesnt like it but i like talking im the talker#ik u guys know rhis bc lord do i shut up ive made like 18 posts in a row just Going. and im sorry abt that. but anyways like um. like um#ummm ive told u this before but i still type when my brains not doing the words bc i hatee to be still basically . and typing makes me think#bitsies bit better. bitsies is qnother one the words. you know it aoked abt the words Bitsies is huge. love you to bitsies and such. also#splitsies.. im always like We could go splitsies on this food Huge in connor world What. OH right im quiet irl basically but im not#I'm like. silent unless spoken to Except 4 family Usually Unless its a So Insanely Bad Day. but w lamp its preeeeetty much always safe#and my mom is usually safe and my dad is on occasion safe so yay. and the kids i can dalk to pretty easily but i usually get.#well ee dont have to get jnto it. i dissociate a bit and im bad at talking to annie sometimes bc we dont have a ton in common and we havent#spent a ton of time together. Fully my fault. and phoenix is Very. i worry abt him hes very lonely and i know thar and i wish i could spend#more time with him i feel so guilty. but we dont have to get into that. ok. lets change the SUBJECT#right so im quiet very very quiet irl but if were close i talk so much stream of consciousness much like. pointing at rhis podt. ^ the sky
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mkay its been a few days and i dont have the most perfect words to express this but uh. please remember just bc i reblog certain kinks on this blog and am publicly horny in general doesn't mean that you can try to engage in that kink with me without asking first, especially if we are not mutuals.
#i feel like I'm pretty open in my tags and rbs and vents about being actually Very anxious re: sex and penetration#and I know I've said a couple times the way to flirt with me is thru my ego#but like. pls dont come in my inbox detailing how u (a stranger i dont follow who follows me) are going to submit yourself to me & knot me#like (A) im a switch yes but i do not dom freely. its a very intimate act for me bc i am not like a hard dom. i am basically mommy in bed#(w/o liking being called mommy) when i dom so yk. and (B) yes i love knots and i even have publicly talked abt taking some mutuals knots bu#that doesnt mean i want Everyone to knot me yk? and it was a mistake so im not sharing this person's name or anything else i just yk#general reminder uh. if we're not mutuals and u wanna send me a fantasy about what u wanna do To me pls just do like a 2sec check#i promise it'll be better for both of us if u go “omg i had this fantasy wanna hear it” first#(** misunderstanding not mistake)#tldr: please just like. if we have never spoken or we're not mutuals Ask me before sending fantasies that Involve me esp if dynamics based#also if we are mutuals like i follow ur side blog/u follow me from main ik thats a different circumstance#and in those cases uh. if u don't interact frequently from main just lmk Who u are first bc i am actually very bad at social cues#and do not pick up on if a side blog and main are run by the same person unless its spelled out for meeeee
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#started going to therapy again in the hopes of coping better with my fam situation#but my therapist is pretty adamant that the situation is too toxic for me to be able to heal in#and i know he's right but also i'm not in a place rn where i can leave said situation or have the emotional capacity to try#and having a third party affirm that the position you're in is actually more fucked up than u thought is both validating and exhausting#bc like before i was just like ''my mom is entitled to still be close to the ppl who sexually abused me''#and was able to just blame all my rage and frustration and hurt on myself#but now that it is starting to resonate that Wait That's Actually Fucked Up#just existing around my mom has become so much more exhausting#& i've spoken to my therapist abt this but i'm venting here bc i'm really feeling it today#it's sounds dumb but having someone explain to u that ur rightfully at ur limit at all times makes it so real somehow#ofc i'm at my limit at all times in this environment most people would be too!!!#i'm just so tired 😭😭#tired and overwhelmed and tired and overwhelmed#and#ugh
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Thinking abt Heroes Rising again, and how that Chimera fight was absolute PEAK
#;mun has spoken#//Not JUST bc my rarepair got SO many cute moments hdhdh#//Including Sho getting to I think be the only person in canon to hold Ei’s waist in his hands hdhfh#//But also just them banding together to KICK Chimera’s ass was AWESOME#//Ei gettin to be Feral; Tsu using her toxin; Iida being SPEED#//And ofc Sho fREEZING THE MAN ALIVE#//Thqt was fucken BADASS#//But yeah; lol; Ei and Sho there were a Highlight#//Esp their little convo before Ei TANKED a laser for Sho#//All my fave ships have had the ‘reminds me of this situation; remember?’ moment jdhdh#//Bet Ei was thinking abt Sho’s hands on his waist for daaays after#//Maybe wondering what it would feel to hold Sho’s much more slender one in-turn;#//But the only time he’d prolly allow that is in a battle and even then; Ei would be DAMNED if he made Sho stand in front of him#//He is a SHIELD; after all#//And being Sho’s shield is and Honor#//Hed gladly tank a laser or anything for the guy; any day; just as he would his classmates and anyone under HIS protection
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when you express your feelings to one of your parents and they take it as a personal attack..................
#like no because i was telling my mum for years that i cant just have a film degree and then walk into the industry#i kept telling her i have to make my own stuff to build up my portfolio cause the reality is they don't give af abt degrees#they just want to know if u can do what u say u can and she would constantly discourage me from making my own stuff#and now she wants to call me to say that shes encouraging me to pursue my dreams like... this always fucking happens#i will say i need to do something and she will disregard it or or shut it down and then years down the line she will tell me#to do what i was suggesting years before that... and when i tell her i said this years before she gets upset and starts yelling#when i told her shes been constantly discouraged me from making my own stuff for 3 years she started telling me its not true#because she helped me apply to a bunch of film residentials etc when that's not what im saying???? im saying when i#told her i wanted to work on personal projects. just because im excited she would shut it down immediately im not talking abt#you helping me find out about the bfi film academy??? but now she wants to push me to do it.... telling me about it like I've never#spoken to her about this before. she still has the mentality of no matter what age you are everything you say shouldn't be taken into#account because im older than you and i automatically know whats best. this happens all the time#all i can say is she actually apologised because in the past she used to never say sorry. i would just tell her im sorry and we'll leave#ot at that but atleast she said sorry. even tho she kept saying 'im sorry if u felt i discouraged you' like she still doesn't believe#what im saying. unsolicited advice but the advice is just shit i said to her years before..... its so infuriating#its why i rarely ever talk to her
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He won't leave my fucking friends alone.
#tales from diana#sorry this is about that bad friend i have to break up w that ive posted abt on and off the past couple weeks/months maybe#i still have to send him that final 'i dont wanna speak to you ever again'#ive been fucking busy ok. my summer has been full of family events and obligations#i have one brother getting married and the other having a baby!!! i have a LIFE and SHIT TO DO and PPL TO BE THERE FOR other than YOU!!!#i havent spoken to him in over 2 months too and he knows it's bc i don't want to#he's so difficult bc you can't fucking tell him the truth. you can't!!! he can't handle it!!! do you know how hard it is to handle???#the things i have to do to cut him off. because he doesn't respect normal fucking boundaries. make ME feel like im in the wrong#like im the shady person and the liar.#i can't drift from him bc hell pull me back#i can't communicate w him bc he won't hear anything i have to say he'll just turn it around & make it abt himself.#he literally does not understand ppl having motivations to do things that don't relate to him#and he has no sympathy for what he does to other ppl. nothing but self-pity for how they don't like him anymore.#if he dealt w someone who put him through half of what he put ME through. no he couldn't actually.#i only allowed him to manipulate me for so long because i cared abt him. who i thought he was.#and he just point blank period doesn't care about other ppl. so he could never go through what ive gone through w him.#i feel like all this friend breakup has proven to me is that im actually a good person and it can be used against me by ppl who arent#some fucking lesson i needed to learn huh?#i hate feeling as negatively towards anyone as i do towards him. it's so hard for me not to have at least#a little spark of hope deep down for everyone. even ppl ive removed from my life before. i dont HATE them#theyve disappointed me or insulted me or mistreated me but at least their motivations seemed simple and clear#and MOST of them seemed to understand SOMEWHAT that they were in the wrong#even if they don't admit it to me or still find an excuse to hate me. whatever#i can see them as ppl who might feel remorse someday and grow from it#i do not see it in this guy. bc if you have a problem w him he'll only make it 20 times worse.#he's so selfish it genuinely baffles me to think about it. and he's one of the least honest ppl ive ever known.#he'll never see the error of his ways. i do not believe he has that capacity.#and will i say none of this to him? no#im just going to say thanks for leaving me alone these past couple months. it's been good for me.#i don't think i can continue our friendship anymore for my own sake.
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angeltism x anon ship name is anontism??? aquanon ????? anonqua ??? i think you should marry all of us
KYAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA OMGGG THIS MADE ME SMILE ACTUALLY EJDIDJSU . aquanon is a silly name I think /pos . also ooh idk about marriage,,, one of y'all is gonna have to propose for that ehe 🤭
random but I'm curious how many there are of uu ( anons who want me ) . there should be a way to distinguish uu guys from normal anons bc I assume nawt Everybun who's sent me an anon ask lately wants to date moi , that'd be kinda absurd of moi to assume , but I also don't wanna force y'all into using sign-offs or somethin if y'all don't wanna . . :0 but ANYWAYS JFJSJFJF aquanon . could be real some day . who knows ! ^_^
#➳ the fool's mail box#➳ sender; anonymous#since I'm sadly strictly mono if there's multiple crushnonnies (?? where'd that come from idk but we're keeping it at least in this tag)#I'd . y'know . have to ''pick'' i guess . which sucks bc all the lovey asks I've gotten so far r so silly n I'm soso curiousies abt whoever#has sent some in ~ ^o^#oooh topic jump . adhd . bear w me#but emoji signoffs could lead to more shippy type stuff mwehehehe#since i have an emoji i use for myself ( 🌊 ) n for pairings of moi n somebun else we do stuff likee#🤍🌊 n 🌊🌌 :3#like ship emoji pairings in stuff like pj.sk . . . . :]#idk silly idea i thought of#again there's no pressure to use sign offs they're optional . they just also generally help with anybun who's coming back here often#esp if they like moi in that way since it's like . . . i know it's somebun I've spoken to before n am therefore a bit less awkward/generic#with how i reply ? but AGAIN LIKE . they're optional . y'all r on anon for a reason n i respect it <33
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worst fandom thing is when you get into something because of your friend(s) and then you're still hyperfixated on it years later and they don't at all care about it anymore. bonus points if you're not friends anymore but you're still in the fandom they got you into.
#i got into tokrev right as they got out of it n i used to joke abt it#now sometimes i see a tokrev post n go “ah. this is a piece of me now. from someone that i haven't spoken to in years but still love & miss#the fact that one of them hasn't played genshin in months & my ar is “finally” (we made a bet. she started playing before me n bet that i#would never have a higher ar than her. i bet her i would.) higher than hers made me cry when i realised for the first time bc that made me#realise that. huh. i've really lost her now.#the genshin ar thing means sm to me#probably incomprehensible for anyone else but. yeah. i won the bet. but at what fucking cost.#“it was just a silly bet. what did it take?” “everything.”#yeah#idk#divine rambles. ` 🕊
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love that all doctors across time and space and training have a universal Oh Shit You Are A Walking Biohazard voice for when a patient mentions a symptom offhand as they're walking out the door that actually is a symptom of a wildly infectious public health crisis level disease that u need to be quarantined for
#i don't know how to describe it but it's so distinct. even the most soft spoken people i know Have it#it's the 'oh shit you have TB voice' it's the 'oh shit you have measles' voice u know it's like u are abt to become patient zero of a local#epidemic etc etc#it's only happened to me twice and both times i've just been awkwardly standing in the corner of the room while the doctors do a bunch of#tests i've never heard of while muttering this better not be what i think this is... under their breaths#me like so...can i leave or like do i need to be dunked in lye and pumped full of penicillin before i can go outside#the body exists outside itself
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I have an interview tmr for a possible teaching assistant job. but I realllyyyy really don't want to fucking go
#the interviewer is rly nice ive spoken to him already its not like nerves or anything#I dont rly wanna go into teaching but I do have experience so I'm getting interest from recruiters.. I need a job and the pay is alright#the main thing is that background checks are so comprehensive + they want 3 references and I. dont have that many lmao#but its non negotiable cuz anything involving kids or vulnerable ppl has rly high standards. understandably ofc#so I need to email a couple ppl from my degree to ask if they would be willing to give me a ref but I REAAAALLLLY dont want tooooo#bc I fucking dropped out of my masters this year and didnt tell my tutor beforehand. so its just rly fucking awkward to ask NOW#like I feel kinda physically sick just trying to draft this email theres smth rly humiliating abt it. man im gonna cry again#but I have to do it bc this interview is tomorrow and I need to submit the form w references before then ive been putting it off#ugdhfhcbncjhfjfbfbfh. and even if my tutor is cool w it I still only have 2 refs so I need to find a third and just. mannn#i have a massive adhd block w filling out forms too fucking hate this shit what if I just cancelled the interview ahahahahahahhha#its like a physical fucking pressure preventing me doing anything abt it i hope i get hit by a bus so its not my problem anymore whatever#.vent#fucking hell. whatever im gonna go make lunch
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