#I HAVE A LOT OF FEELINGS OK

[gophergal]

One of my Favorite Red Oktoberfest headcanons that @cursed--alien and I have developed:

Medic has never really been in a serious relationship before Heavy. He's had a lot of sexual partners, but most had been short flings and one night stands.

(under the cut because I have a lot of feelings about this apparently)

No one can handle all the shit he has going on- most are scared off (understandably) by all the unethical experiments and unconventional medical practices he's engaged in, and he's self aware enough to realize that his Mundane Everyday Bullshit alone would cause a relationship to implode. So he's not bothered by it, hell he's expecting it.

But then Misha comes into his life, mostly unbothered by mad scientist (often a willing test subject!), and, while the physical aspect of their relationship is great, Heavy actually wants him intimately. It's not just seeking pleasure, it's love. It's trust and admiration.

And that seeps into the times they fall in bed together. Misha takes his time, presses tender kisses to Ludwig's skin, works his way down with a reverence reserved for something holy. Misha's warmth lingers when his lips move away, his scent fills the air.

It's overwhelming. It's enough to make Medic's chest feel tight, his eyes prick with damp heat. The touch is too much. It's not enough. It makes his head spin. It makes everything make sense.

He doesn't know how he's lived a life without someone like Heavy in his life. Despite all of that, Ludwig isn't sure if he's capable of returning Heavy's love, not in the same way or the same amount. The guilt of being not enough hangs in his belly like an anchor

[teabookgremlin]

ok so saw in tags of @lottieurl’s laura lee cannibalism posts mentions of jackie and i have so many thoughts

jackie would never go there, i genuinely don’t think it would be possible for her to. she is holding on so tightly to some semblance of society she could not let herself become That. she is the one who is trying to stay a normal teenage girl. cannibalism cannot fit in there. she would starve, let the others freeze her out, god even be hunted, before she would eat a person. she refused to adapt to even the most basic of survival so there is no way she could adapt to one of the worst acts many can imagine.

in addition, let’s reverse roles and say that shauna died instead of jackie. jackie would not survive it. shauna is the only thing jackie has ever had to live for, especially in the woods. we see this in how after learning about shauna and jeff jackie stops wearing makeup, gives up in that sense when her appearance was clearly important to keeping herself feeling normalish. so if shauna died, she would kill herself. she would sit out there with shauna’s body until the cold claimed her too. letting herself become one with shauna, frozen together, bodies intwined for the rest of time.

[orangeshipper]

I mean, *curses incoherently*, the last few chapters of Queens Play are SO GOOD.

I understand it seems to be universally less popular within the Lymond series, but goodness me... It has some of the most beautiful prose, the most profound speeches, the most exciting action set-pieces... I'm just wallowing in these chapters reading sentences and paragraphs over and over again because I can't quite deal just once with how *further incomprehensible noises* they are.

And, breathe..

[kirigaya-art]

There are two wolves inside me.

One wants people to let Arashi wear pants and have short hair and not need a medical or physical transition, the way she is in canon, because so many people disregard trans women if they arent overly feminine in appearance and don't "fully transition."

The other wolf wants to see her in pretty dresses and extravagant makeup, and starting estrogen, because it's likely that the reason she doesn't drastically change her appearance isn't because she doesn't want to but A) for Knights and B) because the writers are ok having a trans woman character if they dont actually have to make it obvious she's a woman.

[alys-gay-parade]

Some deep thoughts about Zelda before I go to sleep tonight:

I grew up with oot being my introduction to the series, and over the years, it consumed my life. Botw was exactly what I wanted from a fully open world zelda game, and totk has only built up from that. This is the franchise that taught me how to world build, write characters, and explore my identity. Looking back at my adolescence, I can safely say that Link and Zelda (as she slowly became an actually compelling character) were the opposite ends of my gender envy spectrum. I loved the effeminate twink that I could easily identify with (people who say he never had a personality before TP are wrong, my boy has always been a sassy bitch with a big heart) and the regal lady who was not opposed to getting her hands dirty to do the work she needed to do. Sheik being Zelda is still one of my favorite plot twists in the franchise, my girl rlly said "Fuck it, I'm gonna pose as a man my whole adolescence." Iconic.

I love how they imply in totk that the games in the timeline pre-botw are the legends passed down over hundreds of generations, explaining the thin and inexplicable timeline away as just cultural histories becoming warped and lost with each retelling. I bet they argue about the order of events in-universe, and you can not convince me otherwise. It makes me laugh looking back at oot seeing rauru portrayed as a pudgy old man hylian, knowing now that he's just straight up a god-like being that married a hylian woman.

This brings me to the future of the series, and a proposal: remake the old stories, but with the new lore, as they Actually Happened. Make the players figure out what parts were true and what parts were warped by time. Hell, make them with the effects of the new timeline Created by Zelda in totk. How does her presence alter history? How can we reimagine the events of pivotal games in the timeline with our new information? How can we keep improving our open world gameplay while revisiting the history that became fables?

I fell off of Zelda in my depression. But totk has renewed my love for what the franchise is and can become. They've really created so many opportunities to expand on what we know, as well as avenues to tell more new stories, possibly both in the same game if they play their cards right.

Thank you, Zelda Team and Miyamoto-san. You built a core aspect of my identity and continue to strive to improve and explore a world that means a lot to many. You honestly are a golden example of what making a compelling universe looks like.

[wehavefoundthestars]

I'm not crying because of Heartstopper you're crying!

Seriously only at episode 3 and I'm a mess. Don't worry, I won't spoil it for anyone!

[tooxmanyxships]

Guess what? There's a part 3. Couldn't let you guys keep suffering. Or try to kill Toto 😂😂 Part 1 | Part 2

Slight trigger warning in the tags

While he's walking back to the media pen, Nico glances over his shoulder a few times.

Lewis isn't following him.

He doesn't know if he feels relieved or disappointed. He guesses it's something in between.

When he gets back, Jenson and Mark are waiting for him. Although Mark at least has the decency to look like he's busy, while Jenson just stands there, arms folded over his chest, his mouth set in a tight, straight line.

"What the fuck were you doing?"

Nico raises his eyebrow, "The man crashed. I just wanted to know if he was okay."

"The man crashed ----" Jenson paroted incredulously. "If Max had crashed, would you have gone to the Redbull pit wall? Would you have stolen GP's headset? Would you have gone into the Redbull garage, looking ready to kill anyone who would dare to tell you to go away?"

Nico blinked, expression blank. "I don't know. Maybe...."

"Maybe?!" Jenson all but explodes and looks over at Mark ,who shakes his head. "There is no maybe. You wouldn't, Nico. There's only 1 person in the world, a person that isn't yourself, you care enough about to do this for."

"Jenson ---" Mark tries, but is cut down very quickly.

"You know it's true, Mark. He wouldn't even do this for us."

Nico glances over at Mark, who winces but doesn't correct his friend, and it hurts to know that they both think the same thing.

But it hurts even more that it's probably the truth.

"I---I was just.....Worried."

No one can blame him for that, right?

Mark places a hand on Jenson's shoulder, shares a look with him, while Nico stares down and fiddles with his hands.

Jenson lets out a deep sigh. "I get that." A pause. "So, what did he say?"

Nico still stares at his hands, "Not much. Just that he was okay."

"And did seeing him reassure you that he really was okay?"

"Yeah. I guess so."

"Then that's all that matters." Jenson smiles and steps forward, squeezing Nico's shoulder.

They don't talk about the whole ordeal anymore, just do a quick debrief about the race and the interviews, which Nico had no hand in this time, then pack their bags and leave to go to their cars.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~************~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

It's Mark who spots him first. The person leaning against Nico's car, who isn't Nico because he's walking almost next to him, on Jenson's other side.

Mark elbows Jenson to catch his attention, then nudges his head towards Nico's car.

Mark almost instantly regrets his actions, because Jenson immediately just stops walking, earning a very confused look from Nico, who still hasn't looked up into his car's direction.

"What the hell is he doing there?" They're still some metres apart, so Jenson knows the man at the car can't hear him. "Did he get lost or something?"

Nico just looks at him like he's stuck in the twilight zone. He's so confused.

"Look over at your car, mate." Mark helpfully supplies and Nico does look over then.

What, or who, he sees, makes him freeze.

"Shit."

Both Jenson and Mark give him worried looks.

"I can chase him away if you want," Jenson tells him, completely serious. "Just say the word and I'll do it."

Nico takes a moment, just to compose himself.

"It's okay. I can handle it."

"You sure?" Mark this time.

"I'm sure."

They both look at him. While Mark nods, Jenson looks less convinced, but finally relents.

"If you say so. We're still gonna walk you there."

Even Mark agrees with that and Nico suddenly feels like a child with overprotective parents.

He shrugs and walks over to his car where the man is still waiting, scrolling on his phone.

The man looks up when he hears footsteps coming to a halt in front of him and stares up into 3 sets of eyes.

"Hey guys."

"Hey Lewis." Mark greets back.

"Hamilton." Jenson says through gritted teeth.

But it's the third guy's reaction he's really interested in seeing.

"Did you injure your head in the crash and are you suffering from memory loss?" Nico deadpans. "Because this is not your car, Lewis."

Jenson snorts, Mark looks amused, and Nico's words are enough for them to pat Nico on the back, nod a goodbye to Lewis and leave the two on their own.

To his credit, Lewis does look kind of remorseful and... Guilty? Awkward?

Probably all of the above.

"I just want to talk."

Oh. So now he wants to talk, huh?

Nico stares at him, then sighs and unlocks his car when Lewis looks exceptionally awkward and small.

"Come on." he mutters. "I'll take you to your hotel."

There's a small smile on Lewis' face as he puts his phone in his pocket and gets into the passenger's seat before Nico can change his mind.

Nico gets into the drivers seat and starts the car.

They're already a few blocks away from the parking lot when Nico glances over to his passenger.

He thinks he catches him quickly looking away. Nico sighs.

"For someone who wanted to talk, you're remarkably quiet."

Lewis shifts in his seat a little, clearing his throat before daring to speak.

"It was you. Through the headset. When I - - - - when I was still in the car."

Nico keeps his face void of emotions. "It was me, yes."

"Why?"

"Excuse me?" Considering how soft and small Lewis' voice sounded, Nico had every right to ask him to repeat it.

"Why did you do that? Take the headset and....talk to me."

"They said you hadn't answered them. I just wanted to make sure you did." What a weak explanation.

"You even came to the garage."

"Maybe I just wanted to talk to Toto."

"You didn't. Toto was at the pit wall too."

"What are you insinuating here, Lewis?"

"Nothing." Lewis turned his head fully towards him. "You tell me."

Nico's hands tighten around the wheel. "Maybe I just wanted to make sure you were okay."

"Why?"

"What do you mean, why? I just---"

"Nico." On an impulse, Lewis reaches out, lays his hand on Nico's knee. "Why?"

It's the tone of voice he uses for that question that does it for him, his knuckles going white with how hard he's gripping onto the wheel.

"Because I care, Lewis. That's fucking why."

Lewis goes quiet, the hand on Nico's leg squeezes slightly and Nico glances at him. Lewis is leaning back into his seat, eyes pressed tightly closed.

For a second, Nico panics. He thinks maybe Lewis has injuries that they didn't see. That he has to drive him to the hospital instead of the hotel, but then - - -

"Stop the car."

"What?!"

"Stop the car, Nico. You're hyperventilating."

No he wasn't. He was perfectly - - -

Oh shit. He was.

He felt Lewis lean over and place his hands over his, taking over the steering to get them to the side of the road as Nico hit the breaks gently.

Somehow they got the car parked at the side of the road, together.

Lewis shuts off the engine, then takes both Nico's hands in his, placing the blond's hands on his chest, right above his heart, covering his hands with one of his own.

His other hand reaches out to cup Nico's cheek, turning Nico's face so they're looking at each other.

"Breathe, Nico." He encourages softly. "Just follow my lead."

And Lewis makes sure he's breathing nice and calm, pressing gently against Nico's hands so he can feel the way he breathes.

"That's it. Nice and slow..."

Nico is too busy trying to even out his breathing again to even think about how the hell Lewis still knew when he was getting a panic attack.

How did he still know him so well?

He just follows Lewis' lead and breathes in and out in his tempo, finally getting himself back under control.

Only when he's absolutely sure that Nico is breathing properly again does he let go of his hands. To his surprise, Nico's hands stay against against his chest for a minute longer before he pulls them back.

Nico can feel Lewis thumb away a bead of sweat from his cheek, or maybe it's a tear, he doesn't want to think about it too much, then the hand retreats and his cheek suddenly feels cold.

"Feeling better?" Lewis asks softly, concern seeping through his voice.

"Yeah I - - -" Nico strokes frustrated fingers through his hair. "Fuck. I'm sorry."

"No need to apologize."

"I don't know what got over me."

"Don't you?"

Nico completely tenses up at the question and the intense look in Lewis' eyes.

"I just.... I.... Shit."

"Nico."

"I still see you crash in front of my eyes."

"I'm fine. Look at me." He holds his arms open for good measure. "I'm still here."

"You have no idea how bad it looked on that screen."

"Yeah because I was actually in that car - - -"

"Lewis!" He hopes the exclamation makes it clear that this is no time for jokes. "You weren't answering to your team!"

"I passed out for a few minutes.... I think."

"Did you let them check your head?" he knows he made a joke about that before they got into the car, but he's serious this time.

"My head's fine. I'm fine. Please, don't work yourself up again."

Nico looks away. Just stares out of the window.

"I just needed to see you."

It's so, so silent..... But Lewis hears him. Of course he does.

"I'm glad you did." Lewis reaches out for Nico's hand, plays with his fingers before he twines them together. "I'm glad for everything you did today."

It doesn't solve their past problems. In fact it doesn't even solve anything about what they have become.

But this moment in fact does mean a lot.

The small smile that appears on Nico's face, radiating in the last few rays of sunlight, means even more.

Nico looks down at their tangled hands. Squeezes Lewis' fingers.

"I'll get you back to your hotel."

Lewis lets out a huge, exaggerated sigh.

"Finally!"

"Oh shut up!" Nico pulls his hand free to swat at Lewis' arm, then shakes his head and starts up the car and gets back onto the road.

It might not have fixed anything between them.

But it's better than things were before.

And judging by the matching smiles on their faces, it meant more to them than anyone else will ever know.

[g1ddings]

just drafted a 500 word essay about the clarke family was it that deep (yes)

[sweetlyobservantoblivion]

Indulge me, but there's something that drives me insane that the two best pieces of Star Wars media (Rogue One/Andor) both centre around a main cast of ordinary people.

They're not Jedis.

Not Sith.

Not royalty.

Not the 'chosen ones'.

They're just people. Trying their best to fight, even if it's just with their own two hands and a brick. What's more, they're ordinary people whose stories will quickly disappear into the bigger picture, who will have no medals or applause or even tombstones in the great expanse of history. They're the normal people who have always existed and will always exist, in every town and city and nation when power threatens to swallow us.

So maybe that's what it really is to fight back. Not being the one who destroys the Death Star, but rather being a pair of hands in a series of hundreds more that will help raze it. Being the one who inspires people to free themselves even if you know that you can't follow.

Or maybe it's just having the audacity, in the face of everything, to try.

[simulation-machine]

About me - Simblr Edition

Got tagged by the incredible @nitrozem!

♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡(∿°○°)∿ ︵ ǝʌol

rules: you can use any sims game to answer these questions!

your three traits: Loner, Lazy, Goofball. Basically, I need so much alone time to function, I absolutely loathe exercise and doing stuff generally, and I think pretty much everything is funny and will sink to deplorable depths to get a laugh out of people.

If we're allowing the extra 3 from Growing Together, toss in Dog Lover, Overachiever, and Bookworm! Because I love dogs, am an absolute try-hard in both school and work, and love books so much that I have a literary tattoo.

your aspiration: Neighborhood Confidante is probably the closest to a therapist, right? But in general, I do like being a reliable source for my loved ones. I also feel like Inner Peace is a lifetime goal of mine, being somebody with trauma and mental health struggles. If we're going just base game, with no update aspirations, then it'd be Renaissance Sim. always good to be skillful!

in-game world you'd live in: For Sims 4, Brindleton Bay. It's where a lot of my sim stories take place, and I love the Nor'eastern aesthetic. Plus it's usually chilly over there which as somebody who runs hot, I would live for. Sims 3 would be Moonlight Falls. Misty, foresty, with a river and waterfall? Yes, please. I also loved the Supernatural expansion pack the absolute most since I'm such a lover of witches. In the Sims 2, Riverblossom Hills was hands down my favorite neighborhood. I was weirdly a big fan of that zig-zaggy road in the northeast part of the map.

favourite townie(s): Sims 4: Zoe Patel for base game, Akira Kibo if we're counting the expansion packs. Zoe is just a cutie patootie and Akira is the best-ever townie legacy husband because he makes gorgeous kids. Sims 3: Agnes Crumplebottom is my girl for life. I did so, so many stories to make her life better because I felt awful for her. For the Sims 2, while he's objectively the worst-ever dude, I enjoyed blowing up Daniel Pleasant's life so much. He always gets caught cheating by Mary-Sue, has both of his daughters go no-contact with him, knocks up Kaylynn Langerak who always leaves him, and ends up getting with his ex-wife.

most used pack(s): Realm of Magic, Cats & Dogs, and Cottage Living for the Sims 4. Growing Together is rapidly catching up, though. In the Sims 3 it was Supernatural, Generations, and Seasons. In the Sims 2, FreeTime, University, and Seasons.

favourite decor object (no cc): If forced to pick one, the telescope from Werewolves, easily:

I just love that it's small and manageable, the huge telescope observatory thing from the base game was just obscenely huge.

something you want in the game: I want hobbies to be recognized in the same way they were in Sims 2: FreeTime, funerals (like this but unironically), the drama after school club to also have a reward trait like the scouts and HSY clubs do, and also more options for painting (like being able to apply a style to a reference painting).

what colour is your plumbob right now: Yellow-green, I ate food and all my other motives are high except for sleep, because I've had insomnia lately and it's been harshing all the vibes.

TAG YR IT (if you want, I'm not your dad): @rebouks, @shadowcursedballs, @nigmos, anyone else who wants to do this can say I tagged them! And if you've already done this and I miss it, sorry!

[needleslace]

My husband got new orders from Army and we are going to Alaska in a few months.

[treesspeaklatin]

I love the community of spirk fan writers. I hadn't seen such mature and well-written fanfics in years, nor did I feel such great joy in reading them. I love that older fics keep circulating and people keep reccing them. I love all the attention to the characterizations. I love all the interesting storylines and the mindful writing. I love that there is space for horny but above all for feelings and moral reflections and devotion and tenderness. After years of frequenting questionable fandoms, I've found heaven, and I also feel once again enthusiasm to write fics.

[maramahan]

The highs and lows of Project Zomboid multiplayer

We made a successful supply run to the neighboring town. My crops are prospering in the fields. Our engineer has the generator is up and running and we *nearly* have indoor plumbing figured out

…then the game glitched. Clipped me through the floor and murdered my long-running character right there in front of all his friends.

Literally fell through solid floor and landed dead at the feet of the doctor who saved my dude’s life way back when things began.

—Thankfully my buddy who’s running the server is gonna give me back what I lost, since the death was 100% the game just screwing me over — but I swear.

I swear.

In the period of time after I died but before it was agreed I could come back…? my heart.

They dug a grave and buried my character proper. My gear laid beside the wooden marker, untouched. I had some good stuff they could have salvaged, but… they left it all. (Well, they left it all except for the lawn flamingos I was carrying at the time of my death, which they arranged around the site in a nice little display.)

(They didn’t know I could hear them when they said “It’s what Ike would have wanted” —but they were right. They were Right.)

It hurt to hear them talking about who would take up Ike’s duties in the community now that he’s gone — who would tend to Ike’s crops, who would bring in fish during lean times, who would fetch the water when the rains didn’t come… but that was none of my new character’s business. My new character neither knew nor cared.

Then… when this new character walked past one night… I saw the doc sitting at the gravesite. I asked what he was doing. the reply?

“Oh. I’m just having a couple beers with my good buddy, Ike. Want to join me?”

I was fine until that moment.

I was ready to accept the hand fate dealt, tragic and pointless though it was. It was an unfair death, but death is often like that. Sometimes things just happen. That’s life.

Then the other characters had to get SWEET about it

and

when I tell you I cried.

[morewyckedthanyou]

miniseries eddie kaspbrak & richie tozier for the character opinion bingo! 😌

Thank you for asking! 😘 It took me a while to answer bc I needed to be in the right headspace, but here we go!

Eddie:

Since we are strictly talking about miniseries Eddie, I could happily leave the 'done dirty by the fans' unmarked, because I've seen the miniseries fans treat my boy well and not twist his character into unrecognizable mess. However, I do feel like he was done dirty by the creators and has a lot of wasted potential. If it weren't for Dennis Christopher who chose to depict Eddie the way he did, we wouldn't have even that amount of gay representation when it comes to him (and his relationship with Richie). There are also other aspects of him I wish were addressed more... but I do understand that when it's only a two part miniseries we're talking about and there are several other main characters involved, a very deep analysis of his character was simply not possible.

That being said, I have thought about Eddie, his traumas, his characterization, what made him act the way he did and his motivations a lot... Probably way more than is even healthy. 😅 (Also as someone who grew up with an overprotective and overbearing mother who never let me do anything or go anywhere when I was a child/teen... where are those adoption papers?! I know my mom's nowhere near what Eddie's mom is like, but that shit leaves a mark and I know it and I want him protected!)

Also, I wanna point out that I usually never go looking for songs about my fictional faves because I am simply not the kind of person who makes or even listens to character playlists, but with Eddie I have discovered songs that I think fit him (and/or Reddie) without even trying so... that's why I marked that one here as well.

Richie:

Ah, miniseries Richie. My disaster son. 💖 So much is wrong with him, both in good and bad (Like what's with all the failed marriages? How many times you've been married again, Richie? 4? 5? Please go to therapy!) , and he also gets to share the best character title with Eddie because I love them both SO MUCH but in very different ways and it is impossible to choose which one of them I like more.

Again, done dirty by the creators because I wanted more of him, but luckily Harry Anderson played the adult character really well and really gave him soul I think? And young Richie is adorable as well. I really love the whole "loudmouthed little shit who doesn't know when to quit but has so much love and loyalty for his friends" character type. We do get to see this, we get to see Richie's loyalty and goodness luckily... but I would've loved to see it even more, because I love him. Oh yeah, and he got done dirty by the ending as well because what the hell, the fact that he went into movie business with a costar who "looks exactly like Eddie Kaspbrak" like... That is the saddest shit ever and makes me wanna cry! NO!

And again, like with Eddie, I could easily leave the 'done dirty by the fans' unmarked because all the shitty/bad takes I have seen about miniseries Richie have been said by some fans who didn't really even like the miniseries in the first place. Actual miniseries fans however mostly seem to have a great understanding of his character.

But also at the same time... I am a bit protective of him in the sense of being a little like "No, none of you other fans truly understand Richie the way I do. I know him personally. Nobody else does." 😂

[xxcommunistd0gh8rxx]

i got so into baldurs gate i started writing mass effect fanfiction again?

[a-musing-mixologist]

Headcanon: He's got a near-photographic memory. He spends a great deal of time creating physical blueprints for his creations, and has the majority of them memorized. This is what allows him to create such complex mecha seemingly on a whim. Of course, he's limited by what he can collect in any given location, but he does carry some specialized power components with him at all time, stored in compartments in his cybernetic arm.