#I Failed Most of My Attacks
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What you experienced was a violation/That is something I will decide for myself/ Does it bring you shame or do you think yourself unworthy?/ It isn't 'worthy' of further discussion / What you experienced was a violation/ That is something I will decide for m [Patreon | Commissions]
#ad infinitum#Tuvok#comix page#idk what to tag this??#trauma#star trek voyager#this is referencing the voy episode 'Random Thoughts'#bea art tag#Drew this last night - cheer UP <- @myself#nighttime me is a different entity from daytime me#I still like his art though#I drew another comic today for patreon and I hope everyone likes my comic style#which is just talking heads#if I do it enough and hone it enough it WILL become a style#anyway I think Tuvok wouldn't want to admit he can sustain trauma that he can't handle on his own#because he doesn't want to reach out and be vulnerable with other people - especially non vulcans and there aren't any vulcans he's close#to on the crew and the person he trusts most is Janeway and he doesn't want Janeway to think he can't do his job or even to worry about him#because he needs to be her rock he needs to be an element of stability she needs to be able to count on him and he's already failed#her he CANNOT fail her again so he's just gonna push through and everything's gonna be FIIIINE#<- Guy who's gonna have a non-alien induced panic attack one day and oh boy is it gonna be a big one
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I was just mentally writing a tumblr post abt how I need that iphone asap so I can preview a chat when I don't wanna answer (if I archived them I don't get notifications) and then I was like — wait.. I don't have read-reciepts on, they won't know I read their messages 😭😭😭
#driving school teacher texted me and I am doing NAWT ok#especially since this whole test thing his getting closer#drivers licenses are so incredibly expensive in germany guys most people pay 3K on average#and basically everyone fails the first driving test because it's difficult URGHHH#i successfully ignored I'm getting my license for like a month now why is he texting me#can't i just keep avoiding life and everything important#lately struggling a lot with the future again which is NOT great but SO great for my atsumu fic passion#i thought to myself a few weeks ago “i know what I wanna do now it's lowkey hard to channel that existential dread energy for yn”#well and god was like “i gotchu babygirl”#and suddenly my anxiety and fear and sadness is back like never before#and i keep getting content about life milestones or things I need to take care of for thing a and b#thing a; video - drivers license is getting even harder now in 2025 so I should hurry#thing b; video - college/university things and taxes and retirement stuff#like wow thanks for telling me this this is actually REALLY useful but this is also lowkey giving me a panic attack so no I won't like nor#save this video because I don't want this stuff on my fyp#i wanna keep practicing escapism otherwise I might breakdown#ok anyway#so this is really helpful for my fic ! yay !#😆#😶#the voices are speaking
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*Frantically ripping my window open and throwing these to y’all like feed to pigeons* I FIGURED OUT HOW TO REWORK MY TOON STYLE I’M SO READY FOR ART FIGHT
#my art#digital art#personal#fanart#anthro#furry#Stel#Astrid#Bunni#only tagging the important lads#head in my hands I need to redo my tagging system (I say this every year) (I will never do anything to fix it)#ANYWAYS GRRRRGRGRGRRRRR TOONY STYLE. IM SO READY#I thought I was ready last year but failed at the two most important parts of the style: it’s gotta be fun and it’s gotta be fast#your honor if my toon art takes nearly as long as my normal art I HAVE FAILED#that’s what happened last years gamers!!! I need to make more than 12 attacks this year or I’m gonna snap (what’s new)
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I think, what I've just never understood when it came to shipping wars, and how I think you can identify someone who's Taking Things Too Seriously, is when someone cannot even bare to acknowledge canon friendships between characters because they feel it actively threatens their ship somehow. When someone goes out of their way to explain that "these characters aren't actually friends, of course. If you read between the lines you can tell." or "actually this friendship is toxic so naturally they'll break it off soon for their health. They just don't belong together, yknow?" or "oh yeah I'm writing an AU. Yeah. Of course in this AU it's circumstantially impossible for these two characters to be friends. How sad. Oh well."
It honestly fucking gives insecure controlling partner vibes, and every time I see it I just know the person in question is getting into the most vile discourse I've ever heard of lol. Genuinely, do you even like these characters (or one of the characters or whatever) outside of the context of shipping? Do you even enjoy the source material? What's wrong with friendships?
#Stupid shit#Ironically I think a lot of people like this end up fixated on one blorbo and actually don't really care about/like the source material#It is surprisingly common for someone to 'like' something because it's popular and find one thing about it they like#While every piece of fanart or analysis they produce is pretty antithetical to the source material itself#Buddy you don't like [media] then! You like the character!#And like that's honestly fine and valid. Just be self aware and stop attacking people who actually DO like the source material#And therefore extrapolate their fanart and analysis directly from it#And when I say one character I really do mean just one character lol#Even in the context of shipping - usually the other character only exists to bolster the character they actually like#Because all their introspection on the other character is really only the stuff that pertains to how they relate to the blorbo.#And they otherwise fail to actually understand how the other character exists as a Whole Character within the media#LEGIT ITS CRAZZZZY LMAO I HAVE SEEN THE MOST BASIC SURFACE LEVEL 'ANALYSIS' PRESENTED AS THIS MINDBLOWING THEORY#GIRLIE JUST CONSUME THE FUCKING MEDIA WITH YOUR BRAIN TURNED ON AKSKFKSKF OH MY GODDDDD
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I think I'm gonna apply to college today :)
#lore drop time (that ive dropped like fifteen times this year already)#i was supposed to go to college! five years ago when i was 18!#and then they went bankrupt but by the time they told me it was too late to accept any other college offers or apply to somewhere else#and it was the height of covid so everything was a mess#so i decided to move near my best friend and take a gap year#i got a full time job and liked having money and time with people i loved so one gap year had become five#ive moved around a lot and gotten a lot of fun experiences but ive always had college in the back of my mind#and a couple times ive come super close to applying to college. like there was one in Philadelphia for asl interpreting#or a couple community colleges#but theres a college in the city ive most loved to live in and they have a great marketing program#i have a marketing job right now and i really love it#i think i could do that with my life. id like to#as much as i enjoy food service or have thoughts of 911 dispatcher in the back of my mind i know those couldnt be for me forever#so applications for the 2026 season opened yesterday and the guy i emailed with gave me a code to waive the application fee#and i think im going to actually try for it this time#i feel like ive hit a dead end of moving and getting new jobs every few months#when i honestly know where i want to be and what i want to do#and this is how i could do it#so im gonna apply#truly college applications never fail to give me a panic attack#but thats okay. i can deal#im gonna take a shower and go to a chinese buffet#and then apply to college#wish me luck!
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been thinking about this since last night and just - i really dislike it when a competent female main character is levelled to incompetency to push the story forward. i hate it when she has to become a damsel in distress without so much as a good reason for it just so she could be saved by her love interest.
if she needs to be saved or aided by her male LI, there are so many other ways to do it that doesn't completely disregard the intelligence, the experience, and the skill the character has.
#if it isn't obvious I'm still not over rafayel's scorching rain tender moments#like you're telling me this woman can take down wanderers left and right and she gets tased by a civilian?? bc it was a sneak attack??#girl go back to training#at least give her a reaction to it and fail#rather than just “oh i was completely taken by surprise” and got dropped#just so her knight and shining armor can save her#sigh i know this is the nature of games like this#and i know that even the most competent of characters can have their moment if weaknesses#but to me it feels like she has to get saved by every fucking body every chance the they're in frame together#like come on an mc that saves the male lead in a nonchalant way and not in the “i took the hit for you and now I'm dying” sort of way#wouldn't that be nice every once in a while?#mmm I've been thinking about this so much i even had rafayel in my dreams lmfao#atoltia rambles
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im cooking something guys but i rlly need to edit and write stuff for class first but im cooking ok trust
[ID: a comment on a google doc. the comment reads NEVEMINF OG PLAN!!! NEW FIC: pathetic evil wet cat gets caught spreading corruption, everything gets worse. breakup becomes official official. tries to give up evil to win back pretty princess but fails. however when watermunch starts shit (attacks lukey or pangi? would she pull anything with peanut since she hates zam? idk) she realizes that in a world as violent as the one she lives in, she cant both be there for others and refuse to fight when she has the ability to do so. pretty princess enlists wet cats help to fight watermunch, she kicks their asses or doesnt idk if waters good at pvp, and crucially pilizam back together <3]
#my thots#of course they do crazy lore when my semester is wrapping up <- guy who is failing most classes#ficposting#pilizam#if anyone has a solid trwatermunch understanding i beg for your expertise bc in my head she makes the most sense as an 'antagonist' here#(has nirvana + aggressive + has been making threats + more likely than bbh to actually attack a person and not a build) but idkkk#i think shes cool but i dont follow her lore super closely 😭#trsmp
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made this specifically for the 90s 2000s kids. don’t ask me why i grouped them like this i simply was going on vibes
#anime#poll#FUCK i made it last only one day. forgot. answer quick i guess 😭😭#AND I CLICKED THE WRONG ANSWER TOO#tumblr poll#manga#sailor moon#revolutionary girl utena#inuyasha#cowboy bebop#fullmetal alchemist#demon slayer#black butler#death note#soul eater#hetalia#ouran high school host club#naruto#dragon ball#hunter x hunter#yugioh#bleach#attack on titan#tokyo ghoul#idk if i tagged them all i tried#maybe i will remake this later bc i failed hard#anyway i was on tumblr in 2013 and these were the only things anyone talked about ever. before you question some of my additions here#cowboy bebop and bakugan are honorary mentions i feel like most people don’t Start with bebop but then again idk. it’s such a classic#i wanted to know#and bakugan everyone in elementary school had the toys for but i’m not sure how many actually watched the anime
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Two other attacks from this years art fight 🎊🎉 @gunkmusher
#I wasn’t able to submit the second one in time sadly#I failed at artfight this year I’m so sorry y’all#I’m moving from my house this month and I ended up over planning stuff#thankfully I know most of the ppl who’ve attacked me are also on here so I can still draw their charcters !!#still really happy with how these came out#second ones character belongs to flowermints on artfight#art fight#art fight 2023#artfight attack#af 2023#art crumbs
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Wondering if tumblr is really good for me
#fudge does a talky talk#idk im just thinking#i keep on going to reply sections (bad idea)#and find myself getting into arguments#but what im most concerned about is how#idk harsh i feel im becoming?#like i try my best to somewhat be polite even in repkies but I find myself failing#and i feel like the hostility in tumblr reply sections in general might be a part of that#idk i probably just need to stay away from replies#i geuss whats concerning as well is that i usually tried to avoid arguments in the past#it felt like a pointless waste of energy that wouldn't change the other oersons mind anyway and woukd juetclead to anger on both sides#maybe in some ways its better that I'm more open to the idea people won't always be closed minded but#idk if thats worth the amount of aggression that usually comes with using tumblr reoky sections#or if replying and argueing at all is really worth it#or maybe I'm just blaming tumblr for a me problem idk#because I'll admit deep down kindness is not my first instinct#it is unfortunately to insult and attack perceived threats#i try to manage that but i don't always succeed#maybe tumblr doesn't help but idk#I know I don't usually make posts like these but#i geuss i should in case this leads to me not using tumblr as much? idk if thats going to haooen honestly but I'm thinking#In case it does i felt i should post this so people would udnerstand whats going on#i geuss i don't exactly owe anyone that but#I also wanted to get this off my chest#the more i think about it i think this is more of a 'tumblr bringing out the worst in me' then 'tumblr making me act a way i usually wouldn#idk what haplened with the reoly sections though i really used to not do that#geuss I've been desperate for human interaction? and getting into arguments is easier then starting a freindly conversation with someone#and idk maybe I've been feeling frusterated and like I can't really express my feelings to the people around me#so I've also been craving being able to actually say I don't agree with something#vent post
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nice to know that that one of the players i fought against in a brief bit of dnd pvp was using a min maxed character and was apparently using fudged rolls
#or something. we were level 5 with some very minor allowances and somehow this wizard(? spellcaster) had 20s in str and con#and some bullshit with iirc like 20 base ac that wqs. not particularly fun#like even on the way out me and most of the og group were like. what the fuck was that. and considering checking out the sheet#bc that was. no way was that a natural level five min max or not#delete later that was just. fucking hell#my character got killed by a fireball but only failed the dex save bc smth they had going on raised the dc by 1#i was playing a fighter with samurai subclass so if give the chance i would have fighting spirit- attack + bonus attack#+ action surge - attack bonus attack offhand weapons attack#but i really doubt it wouldve done much with that fucked ac#it did just reek of like. aggressive min max n roll flubbing- iirc the person sitting next to them mentioned they probably lied abt stuff
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School is draining any small motivation I had for art



or creativity in general
(tw: I got pretty much depressive in the tags but I needed to dump this somewhere and this may not be the best place but is where I feel better talking about my problems or insecurities, so feel free to ignore)
#vent in the tags#tw vent#i'm tired#and I hate that I'm tired#everytime I try to finish education is worst than the last time. my head can't take any sort of information from the class#no matter how many times they try to explain me or how many times I read and reread the same text#I can't focus. I can't memorize anything. I'm just sitting there in the classroom waiting for the 4 hours to finish to go back home#and spend the rest of the night just doing nothing. staring at the walls or doomscrolling till I have to go to bed and wake up again#for another day of fighting against an stupid anxiety attack in class because I'm going to fail this again#I hate school. I fucking hate it. the most boring stressing overwhelming way of learning#having the teacher talk for 1-2 hours straight and the student listening the whole time not saying anything is stupid#it's so fucking stupid they only want them to be mindless sheeps that only listen#because if you say anything 'no. you're wrong. I'm the teacher and I know better' fucking bullshit#this system is bullshit#and how am I supposed to study a whole school year of history. biology. math etc in less than 4 months??#everybody was like#'oh it's just 4 months and you'll be out of school!' 'in 4 months you'll get the education!' 'you can finish this in just 4 months!'#I fucking can't! I can't do this in such short time! I can't. focus. on 6. subjects at the same time. my brain can't!#and it's so fucking depressing. I have 4 opportunities to finish this. the longest it could take me is 2 years#I could just focus on 1 or 2 things each time but if I fail too many times I won't have another opportunity like this ever again#and I won't be able to finish highschool education and I. just. can't.#I'm tired of giving my biggest effort and not being enough. I'm tired of getting no satisfaction from any achievement I get#I hate so many things right now#and I have a lot more things in my head right now but I better shut up#you don't have to comfort me. it's ok. I'm not searching for confort. I just needed a place to dump my frustration or something#idk#you can ignore this#I might delete this later
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the 'i am thankful to be his padawan' to 'it's his fault i committed genocide' to 'he's like a father to me' pipeline <3
#star wars#my post#attack of the clones#never fails to make me LOSE it#anakin and padme are the two most insane individuals in the galaxy#and obi-wan is a close second#why is everyone so insane in the prequels#anakin will not shut up about obi-wan this entire movie and it drives me insane#meanwhile padme is like red flags? yes please tell me more#compared to all that obi-wan seems the most sane but let me tell you#he's a tired snarky alcoholic who jumps out of skyscraper windows like that's a normal thing to do#he's like 35 but should have retired 10 years ago#like the original trio are some truly goodhearted people who believe in something and manage to pull off the impossible because of it#the prequel lot are severely overcompetent absolute disasters who can and will fuck up the entire world order because of personal reasons#and i love it#anyway anakin being an emo teenager about obi-wan will always be my fave#he is so so insane#<3
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At what point do i stop bothering to differentiate between the panic and anxiety attacks when they just. meld into each other and seemingly feed off each other
#text post#i have been fighting my brain since i woke up bc like. I dont actually feel anxious?? abt work or anything else but#my brain has the WE ARE NOT SAFE DO NOT REST DO NOT BREATHE WRONG OR SO HELP YOU GOD neon sign flashing constantly today#All ive succeeded (lol) in doing is most of the dishes (couple need to soak) a failed filming and now#i would like a couple hours of Minecraft before work#but i am uncertain the brain will allow for it lmao#had to come back upstairs to my room after dishes bc brain just. freaking out. too open. too many windows.#anyway. apologies if im not as available as i intended to be today#good thing is thus far i don't work the upcoming week/weekend so i can catch up then#try and finish some drafts and talk to friends more and everything#im babbling in the tags willing myself to stop sweating and snap out of what i think is actually an anxiety attack but#no idea on what the trigger was since all i did was wake the fuck up#back to music to help and maybe Minecraft until work#thank u all for ur continued patience with me ❤️
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Brain worms so bad....
Still rolling nowhere king Khan around but. Nowhere king Khan from a different universe. He got pulled to Hisui against his will and was trying to go home. The Akari from his universe was pulled along with him and they were family. Khan was trying to get her home. To keep her safe. He destroyed himself for her but they both ended up stuck. Khan became a monster and Akari couldn't stop him. When the Khan from this universe arrives, trying to help Ingo get home, she's livid and jealous. This universe's Khan made it. This universe's Akari made it. They made a family. She and Khan, her Khan, had tried, to find others, but they were so constantly ostracized that their only companions were pokemon.
She's happy for them as much as she hates them. Her only family has completely lost his mind and there is no future he will ever survive in. And when he offers his head to her, waits to be killed, that Akari thinks about how her older brother tried so hard to get them back. To take them home. That he loved a sibling he wasn't related to so dearly he destroyed himself instead. And as much as she's angry and hurt, she can't kill him. She cant.
He's not going to give her a second chance.
#Khan a.#Centaurworld au#It's becoming convoluted and I'm enjoying it#The Khan that other universe Akari came with IS lab experiment Khan (my usual bastard)#The Khan that Ingo and Co have traveled with is Zoroark Khan#When Akari fails to kill the lab bastard he goes to attack her and Zoroark Khan charges him#Distracts him long enough that they can get older Akari out of the rift#Poor Emmet is so confused. His brother called to him from a rift in space time and he found his brother. Yay!#But also an angry abomination trying to kill people#Lab bastard Khan was trying to force Arceus and giratina to send him and Akari back to where they belonged#But failed#Also not me shoving the platonic love between Khan and Akari to the forefront of every interaction#Not me being terrified people will assume I'm shipping them. Less from the cringe perspective and more#Seems like most oc & canon interactions tend to be ship and. They're v much not. Just family.#Am I posting late at night to be sneaky again? Yes#I now have two centaurworld AUs ft Zoroark Khan. They just split on who the nowhere king is.#Make that 3. Now I'm thinking of one where Khan isn't involved with the 'herd' at all and only fulfills the nowhere king role
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Starting my learning of competitive pokemon and resisting against the very very strong desire to only ever use Mons with a setup sweeper/wallbreaker set
#le ramblings#“Utility Set” “Bulky Pivot” “Hazard Setter” uhh Shut The Fuck Up Nerd (Smogon Analysis Pages) ☝️🤓#252 SP/ATK 252 SPEED + LIFE ORB + SWORDS/DRAGON DANCE + 3 ATTACKS FOR ONLY MY MOST LOVED MONS#>They die to a resisted move#>They die as I fail to renove their checks#>I have no hazards/support/walls
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