#I DONT WANNA LIVE IN A HOLE ANYMORE!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[milktea-grn]

i love you felicity i love you too but i shouldn’t have married you i don’t wanna live in a hole anymore it makes me feel poor we are poor but we’re happy comme ci comme ça anyway the views are better above ground honey i’m seven non-fox years old now my father died at seven and a half and i don’t want to live in a hole anymore we’re all different especially him but there’s something kind of fantastic about that isn’t there why did you lie to me because i’m a wild animal you are also a husband and a father i’m trying to tell you the truth about myself i don’t care about the truth about yourself this story is too predictable wheres my bandit hat why didn’t i get shot at it’s because you think i’m no good at anything well maybe you’re right the whole time i was putting paw over paw with your mother digging beside me and i thought to myself i wonder who this little boy or girl right because at the time we didn’t know i wonder who this little boy or girl is gonna be ash im so glad he was you

[fgsbeanie]

i dont wanna live in a hole anymore.

[isiida-glory-to-ukraine-smoliy]

Hehehehe

[whoreishghost]

i almost texted my mum im so upset about this like i dont think anyones ever gonna get how devastating it is to have my one chance of getting better taken away

[starboye]

starring: vinnie hacker x male reader

request: vinnie hacker and his thicc!femboy roommate have been living together a months now and vinnie is now just sitting on the couch playing video games until he looks up and sees his roommate come out his room walking into the kitchen with a tight crop top and a thong and vinnie can’t help but stare at how his ass jiggles so vinnie gets up and head to the kitchen and talks to the roommate about his choice of clothing and vinnie grabs his thong and snap it back onto him and roommate yelps… they start making out and vinnie his just rubbing his ass and it gets to the point where he stops kissing roommate just to look at his ass and how jiggly it is but after a while Vinnie picks up roommate and brings him to his room where he pulls the thong to the side and eats his ass and then after he fucks reader is the face down asss up position but makes him keep the thong on and after they finish vinnie gets up and plugs his ass with a butt plug and then looks in his drawer to see so many thongs and vinnie makes his roommate try on like 5 different pairs before fucking him again

warnings: smut, cursing, ass eating (reader receiving), thong, mentions of drinking, butt plug, unprotected sex

you couldn't deny that the night before was pretty crazy, you were out partying with your friends all night dancing and drinking till you were black out drunk and only getting home till it was around 4 in the morning with vinnie hearing you stumble your way to your bed from his room.

now it was around noon and you were just waking up from your short lived nap because vinnie was screaming at his game in the living room, he watched as you slowly made you way to the kitchen in your clothes from last night. infatuated by how your ass jiggled with every step you took in that thong and skirt with that skin tight crop top before you start pouring yourself some water.

vinnie decides to test his luck and rises from his spot with the intent of teasing you on his mind "y'know in the couple months we've been living together i've never seen you like this" vinnie chuckles at your drowsy and tired state as he leans against the counter "yeah maybe because im not usually this hungover" you say sipping the water before putting the glass in the sink.

"no i mean like this" he clarifies bringing back the material of the thong and letting it snap back onto your ass,you wince at the slight pain and lightly punch vinnie in the arm "hey what the fuck vin" you yelp rubbing your ass to help the pain go away. as you do so vinnie looks from your ass to your eyes back and forth making you catch his eyes with yours and you dont know whether you were still drunk or not but vinnie was looking unreal right now.

the way you could see his muscular build through his shirt and the way he looked at you and without a thought vinnie grabbed you by the waist and brought you into a heated kiss which quickly escalated into making out as vinnie groped at your ass, kneading it eagerly with his large hands. he stops kissing you for a moment just to jiggle your ass in his palms, you move to leaving some hickeys on his neck to make up for the loss of his lips on yours.

"wanna go to your room" vinnie asks lightly kissing your ear "sure" you pant from all the kissing, vinnie lifts you up by your thighs and carries you to the room before dropping you on your bed "you know i haven't had any breakfast yet" vinnie says bringing off his shirt "then i have something nice and juicy you could eat" you say arching your back to accentuate your ass to him.

"oh ill definitely have to have a taste" vinnie smirks glaring down at you as pulls your thong to the side and he lowers his face in between your legs and begins eating you out, his tongue lapping at your hole and nipping at the inside of your ass "fuck" you shakily moan dropping your head "yeah that feel good" vinnie asks slapping your ass.

"i cant wait anymore- ngh... put it in" you moan into the bed "you sure you're ready for that" vinnie asks with a raised eyebrow and a smug look as he licked the drool from his beautiful lips "mhm" you nod wanting his dick to fill you, he leans up and pulls off his joggers and lets his hard dick falls onto your ass. giving your ass a few smacks with his dick as his finger massaged your hole slowly before he aligned himself up with you.

you looked back at him, the way he was above you, mouth messy with saliva and drool from eating you out and his muscular build contorting and flexing as he pushed into you slowly, his thick tip stretching out your hole enough to get the rest of his dick in, you let out a breathy moan into the bed.

you felt so full of him that it almost made you cum but you held back, vinnie gave you a few seconds to adjust to his big size before he was thrusting into you with hard plaps punctuating his size even more, your hard on throbbed against the fabric of the thong that vin wouldn't let you take off, he held the thin string to the side as he admired your hole taking his full length with no push back or resistance.

"so who fucked you last night" vinnie leans down over you, his arms caging your head in to keep himself up "why, you jealous or somethin" you choke out because of vinnies rough thrust "big talk coming from the guy currently getting his ass pounded" vinnie chuckles moving so hair from your sweaty forehead.

"m'close" you mutter breathlessly "already lightweight" he laughs making you hide your face in the blankets from embarrassment "oh dont be like that" he says slowing his thrusts to get a response but you leave your face in the blankets "fineee" he grumbles gripping your hips before he starts pounding your ass full force, you messily moan and whimper out before you cum in the thong.

staining it with your cum "yeah that felt good right" vinnie asks not slowing his thrusts to reach his high, earning a small whine out of you before he's flooding your hole with his load, he watches as some of it leaks out over his cock. swiftly pulling out and finding a random butt plug in your nightstand to put in you and hold his warm cum in you.

he sits behind your for a while, both of you catching your breath, another thong soon catches his eye and he gets up to look through your drawer and sees a bunch of other thongs hidden away "and what do we have here" he taunts pulling the slutty underwear out and holding them up, your eyes widen in shock at seeing them and you jump up from the bed to grab them but vinnie holds them out of your reach.

"how about we have a little modeling show" he says with a sinister look in his eyes, you oblige and after a while come back into the room with a new pretty thong on and model it for vinnie as he lays naked in your bed, his dick jumping against his tummy as you model this one for him "i think we have a winner" he says pulling you onto the bed for another fuck session.

taglist: @mailmango @spermeboy @ghostking4m @gayaristocrat @addictedtomalepits @staarb0y @crispysoup318 @its-ares @gargoylesworld09 @kadenvatsune @fuckshft

[erwinsvow]

maybe not ward cause when is he not fake dead but it’s the fact reader would walk past rose in the hallway in just one of rafe’s shirts and both women would just share a look like 👀 ‘let’s not kid ourselves, you know, i know. can we just not…’

also apparently there was a scrapped ‘rose slept with rafe storyline’ and my first thought was wtf, then, not on my girl ‘reader’s’ watch.

it's not appropriate. you know it, rafe knows it. and the two of you should really be more careful, because it's starting to seem like neither of you care about who's at home anymore who's listening, on each other like rabbits all times of the day.

at least when wheezie was around, the two of you were more concerned, wanting to make sure she wasn't accidentally traumatized, but now she's away at camp and sarah's barely at home, so the thought of being quiet and cautious was out the door.

you're sure rafe's step-mom doesn't like you—that she thinks you're a poked hole in a condom away from being a permanent fixture in rafe's life. you've even overheard her once, asking mr. cameron to talk to rafe about easing up, that accidental pregnancies ruin lives, that you're out to ruin rafe.

your feelings are hurt, of course. you don't think there's a person in kildare who doesn't like you, and the idea that someone in rafe's family is out to break that streak stings painfully. but rafe doesn't care about his stepmom or her opinion, so you follow his lead. you tried your hardest to be nice to her, but if she didn't want to be nice back, you weren't gonna keep trying.

rafe was good about instilling his own life rules in you—first and foremost, not to bend over backwards for anyone, except him.

that's why this feels extra awkward—running into his step-mom while clad just in his button up, haphazardly thrown on so you can go down stairs to get some water. you suck in a breath, awkwardly making eye contact. you don't wanna look away first, no, rafe says the weaker one does that. you keep looking, frozen in place, wrapping your arms around yourself and bringing the rafe scented cloth closer to you.

"sorry," you start, though you don't think there's any sincerity in your apology. "if we were being too loud."

she doesn't respond, walking away. you get your water and head back up to rafe's room, wanting to tell him but feeling like you shouldn't. rafe didn't outright tell you that his step mom was suggesting something other than a normal relationship to him, but it didn't take a genius to figure it out.

she'll just have to keep trying, you think, leaving the door a crack open, so more sound would escape that way.

soooooo in my opinion that tracks....there's sm tension in that scene with rafe the stepmom n the knife in season two!!! i cant be the only one who picked up on that. ur so right though not on readers watch shes looking out for her man!! this got weird n darker than other stuff i write so dont send me hate just close ur eyes <3

[leonsdoll]

I dont remember if you write smut BUT if you do, I would like some delicious Antler Queen Natalie hurt and comfort smut. Like, y/n feels like shes being neglected by Natalie cuz of her Antler Queen duties and when y/n tries to talk to her, one of the girls pulls Natalie away from her. I need like a breakdown and then soft sex.

MISSING YOU

warnings: fingering (r!receiving) oral (r!receiving)

notes: this is my first smut so don't be mean!!!!!!!!!!!!

natalie was slowly distancing herself from you and you could tell . you didn't know if it was on purpose or not but you knew you hated the feeling, you felt neglected to say the least, you knew she was busy and had a big job but she could still pay attention to you right? you decided you needed to talk to her, you couldn't live like this anymore, you couldn't live without her attention .

you waited for a moment where she was alone, you lightly knocked on her door and stepped in, she smiled and stepped closer to you, 'hey' you smiled back at her

'i wanna talk to you for a sec-' your sentence was cut short by someone on the team rushing into the room whispering something and pulling her away . your heart dropped to your stomach and you quickly felt your face get hot and your eyes sting, you didn't get why you just couldn't talk to her . someone always needed her or she was too tired to talk, but she never even tried to make time for you .

you went up into the attic in a fit of rage and sadness . you laid on the floor, letting your thoughts swallow you whole, you suddenly heard someone creek up into the attic . you raised your head and saw natalie climbing up the latter, you sat up with your knees to your chin as she quietly made her way to you from across the small space

'hey are you okay' she said she sat beside you, she put her arm around you and put her head on your shoulder, 'I'm fine' you responded witb a flat tone . she raised her eyebrow and moved off of you, she changed her position so she was sitting in front of you, staring into your eyes

'whats going on? you can tell me' you scoffed and rolled your tear filled eyes, 'you never spend time with me anymore nat! it's like you don't even care about me' you voice shook as you yelled . 'awh sweetheart' she leaned in to give you a hug, she hugged you tight while leaving small kisses on your neck

'msorry I haven't been taking care of you' she laid you back as she continued to leave a trail of kisses down to your cleavage, you propped yourself up on your elbows and ran your fingers through her hair . 'i love you, you know that right?' she looked up at you and you nodded

'i miss you nat' you confessed, 'let me make it up to you yeah?' she started to un button your pants, you grinned and stroked her cheek with your thumb . a small whimper slipped out your mouth as she stared to draw tight circles on your clit, she slid your panties off and laid her tongue on your wet core, she pulled her mouth away and slid two of her digets into your slick covered hole

'fuck nat!' she grinned at your whiney voice and proceeded to pump her fingers in and out of you, she sped up her pace and latched her mouth onto your clit, carefully sucking on it . she continued to pleasure you until you felt a familiar sensation build up in your stomach . 'nat I'm gonna cum' you said panting

'c'mon let it out for me' you moaned as you painted her fingers white, she continued pumping in and out of you till you came down from your high . she pulled your panties and pants back up and buttoned them, she laid down next to you and began stroking your hair . she sighed and cuddled up closer to you and soon fell asleep

[noctilucous-sunni]

more reversed sagau brainrot!! | a lot more under the cut

- when scara sorta just ✨materializes✨ in your apartment and you’re like excuse me wtf is happening, so u pinch yourself to see if its a dream and its not apparently so you must be going insane BECAUSE WHAT OTHER EXPLANATION WOULD THERE BE FOR ONE OF YOUR FAVOURITE CHARACTERS EXISTING IN YOUR APARTMENT

- i’d feel like in the sagau or reversed sagau he wouldn’t be too fond of the all-creator bc if thats the all-creator wouldn’t that mean that you’re the one responsible for his existence and his suffering?? but when he just sees you being so genuinely nice and caring and yet strong and doesn’t take his shit he kinda lets down the guard a little

- plus he literally has nowhere else to stay so when you threatened to kick him out he realized it was either live with you or out on the streets. and he kinda hated the streets, so he ended up trying to find your place all dirty and stuff from tripping in way too many godforsaken random holes in the ground. poor gremlin.

- he is just super bratty and still has that air of “i think im better than you” but it never works on you bc you dont take his shit and you make him do half of your chores when your pissed at him (and you make sure there are no complaints)

- he wouldn't call you your grace after a while and just uses your name, you however come up with a million nicknames for him and you think its funny that it annoys him on occasion

- you argue. A lot. like so much that your neighbour and the apartment below you complained several times and also kinda tried to make the landlord kick u out so you made scara apologize to them bc hes mainly the reason its so noisy

- he will actually follow you everywhere, sorta like a guard dog. everyone around you is pretty intimidated by him but they are even more scared of you when they see that you basically keep him in check

- he can’t fucking cook dear lord. you told him to stay in the fucking apartment bc you had an important meeting today and he couldnt come with you and he was like “i didnt want to come anyway” and you just said “fuck you” (affectionate) in return (note: wrote this before his signature dish came out and he’s actually a really good cook don’t judge me ahaha)

- but when you come back your apartment and kitchen especially is a mess. you forgot to teach him how to use online delivery. and hes just like chilling out watching tv with mild interest, acting like half of your apartment isnt covered in eggs and flour and who knows what else

“scara what the fuck happened here”

“the stupid stove of yours doesnt work and neither does that beeping machine”

“clean it up”

“no”

“well i guess we wont have any food today or tomorrow, until you clean. it. UP." *glare*

he then leaves it but by the next afternoon he's actually getting hungry and grumpy and eventually starts cleaning it up the next day when he can't take it anymore and you finally come home to a clean kitchen bc thank god, you didn't know how much longer you could live on your co-worker's lunches

- you're both just so stubborn. he's stubborn and so are you and that leaves the apartment just with a tense silence AND when someone sees u at that time they feel so uncomfortable bc the atmosphere is just so tense between the two of you since neither of you agree

- silent treatment happens a lot and its really fucking stupid bc you both wanna talk to each other after like a few days but neither of you want to be the first one to admit that

- omg you absolutely hate having guests now BECAUSE HOW ARE YOU MEANT TO EXPLAIN HIM??? also he has to have normal clothes now and he looked at all your clothing choices in disgust

- everyone thinks he's just a friend until they realize he actually lives with you and then they're like "oohhhh are you together??" and think that he's your boyfriend/partner. and honestly you dont even deny it bc there is no feasible way to explain who he really is (without sounding crazy) + you get your parents off your back abt getting a boyfriend bc they kept trying to make you go on blind dates and now you're free from that phew

- but some of your friends/co-workers are all like "really? this lil guy? and they often say this around him and it just annoys and offends him to no end. but also you're surprisingly defensive of him, like yes he's a bitchy emo gremlin but he's your bitchy emo gremlin

[seabysiren]

141 Task Force Streamer AU!!!

the ghost force channel began with just you and Simon in the beginning. simon came to you with a proposal after hearing some of his coworkers chatting idly on their break.

simon works his ass off since graduation. he had to. to get him mom out of that hell hole. to help his drug addict of a brother.

normally he would’ve rolled his eyes at the slackers, but the conversation caught his interest. that someone could make a living off of playing video games and whatever else. (he had to search up markiplier and pewdiepie to fully understand)

simon had to ask you about the idea. he wasn’t the best versed in technology, nor did he have good, working computer. (each time he booted up the old hand me down laptop it sounded like it was about to blast off into space.)

you had jumped at the idea. you nodded happily as he slowly explained what he had overheard. then shyly asked if he could borrow your pc.

it was kinda funny though. simon would whip out his glasses and squint at the screen as you taught him the basics of how to video record and download games.

when you first opened the editing software he just slowly looked at you. blinking slowly like a cat. there was no way he was gonna be able to understand all this.

so you promised you would learn just for him.

it took a few recordings of you and him messing around to finally get him comfortable talking into a microphone. because this man doesn’t talk. he just sits in silence and observes most of the time.

you jokingly call him grandpa. in return he just gives you this dead stare.

it took a lot of time to think about the channel name. simon didn’t want it to sound dumb, nor too try hard. (you teased him about the new lingo)

he settled with ghost. because if this didn’t work out, he would just disappear. and because this was a side gig, something bound to fail.

you tacked on force at the end because you knew. you knew that whoever was going to watch his first video is gonna be a simp. I mean, have you heard his voice??

the first video recording was around thirty minutes of good old minecraft. seemed popular enough. and paired with simon’s deep voice and his dry humor, it was all set to go.

you reassuringly rubbed his back when he posted the first video. you could see in his eyes and from the way he wrung his hands he was a bit nervous.

that same day you ushered him home to rest.

that same night was when it began.

the simping.

you had to filter the majority of the comments in the beginning because you just didn’t have the heart to show him all the thirsty comments about his raspy, deep voice.

he was just happy to have a bit of extra cash. that he didn’t have to work himself to the bone if this channel grew.

and grew it did.

not only was everyone really liking his voice, but also his dry ass humor and dark jokes. coupled with the fact that for some reason he was really good at learning game mechanics, you were able to easily record and edit.

him angrily clicking on the red bed and being told there’s monsters nearby.

“good night moon. good night tree. good night zombie that i cant see but i fucking know you’re there.”

fucking hates dating sims. but his audience thinks it’s funny for him to dryly play the protagonist.

“goddamn it i dont wanna fuckin’ talk to you ya bloody muppet.”

he’s not allowed to play dream daddy anymore from the pure frustration that radiates off him. that and because you don’t want his blood pressure to rocket.

loves lying and tricking his viewers. makes up the most absurd background information about himself because he just thinks it’s funny.

“i wasn’t born for this fuckin romance. i was born for politics. been told i have great hair and i love lying.”

you chime in every once in a while and have funny little text chat comments. especially when you have a counter about the amount of times he insults something with the word muppet.

he’s british. his accent is too powerful for the simps. there are too many videos making fun of his british-ness. next video title is called damn Americans reviewing all their stupidity in return.

you call his fan base little poltergeists because damn do they make a tonna noise. their so vocal about his voice and dry humor. that and because they love clowning on him.

he gets bullied for playing valorant instead of apex. in return he mops the floor with anyone who stream snipes his games.

loves mystery games. and action games. anything in general he can shoot and lie and absolutely destroy other players

he’s a little too good at among us to be healthy.

overall 10/10 recommend coparenting a channel together with simon.

ps he’s known for this one quote that went viral.

“im going to defeat you with the power of friendship… and this knife I just found.”

part II

[crxnberrykxng]

Hii- firstly I lovelove your blog, and I think you’re super stupendous.!! Thank you for having a vent space open<3, you dont have to read if you dont want too, I just wanna tell someone. -

I just feel like very unfullfilled in my life, and sorta apathetic to the things happening around me. I know im smart and that i deserve good things in life, yet i put myself in self deprecating situations, and i dont make any effort to pull myself out of them until it becomes so bad that my life is at risk. I miss my father, theres a protection order for my own safety due to his manic episodes. In a few months it should be safe for me to visit him, but ive just recently became an adult and started living on my own, ive always had someone to rely on. Specifically an older man. I feel so lonely and i just want a relationship with someone that isnt based around sex or unhealthy dynamics. I want to feel taken care of, im so used of taking care of someone that i dont remember what it was like to be cared for. From a young age i was comforting my mother, icing her bruises. Playing the messanger between her and my dad. It was good to feel needed, relied on. Until it came to the point where i can barely sleep at night, and i am terrified all the time. of what? i dont know. Nothing makes me happy anymore, the compliments of perverts on the internet, the validation of someone asking why im so thin. I just dont feel anything. Im stuck in this places, in this repetitive routine. I just want my father to love me like he did when I was a kid.

Sorry this was so long, I just needed to tell someone atleastxoox

hey <3 this might be kind of a wall of text so fair warning:

i understand completely how you feel. i never knew my birth father, had a cycle of men in my moms/my life throughout my childhood and teenage years. my mom has also had a lot of struggles w mental illness so for the most part i ended up raising my siblings and taking care of everyone else. its hard, and it takes a MASSIVE toll on your mental health.

wanting a parent so badly HURTS. you cant describe it to someone whose never experienced it. it's a different brand of pain and it never truly goes away. however, i can tell you that help and healing is absolutely possible, its very difficult but theres always someone to reach out to. hell if you need to, reach out to me. ill help find you someone who can help more than im able, if thats something you would ever want. i may be a disordered blog but i will 100% always go out of my way to offer any kind of resources or support for those who ask.

for now though, try to be kind to yourself. you've taken care of yourself and gotten to today, and i'm so proud of you for that. depression is fucking brutal. i have bipolar disorder type 2 and my depressive episodes make me feel like no matter how hard i try ill always end up back in the hole i'm trying to get out of. it sucks !!!! its fucking frustrating !!!! but its also not my fault, and being depressed is also not YOUR fault, either. you deserve love, care, and support just as much as everyone else. you matter. your feelings matter. you deserve more than the cards you've been handed and that makes me so angry for you. you should've gotten so much better and i'm so sorry the people that were supposed to provide that for you never did.

you will be okay one day, i promise. all of us will be. there will be a day where you can feel at home and at peace. i wish i could tell you when that is, but just try and hold out until you can see it. i love you and i'm sending all the healing in the world to you, and anyone else who feels the same way. you are loved, and it'll be okay. don't cringe at the cliche, but things will be okay in the end; if its not okay, its not the end <3

[msallurea]

Ok guys so...after a but if thinking on some past manifestations bridges I've had I think I want to shift myself back to 2018-2019 and relive my middle and highschool years but with my desires and desired experiences and just desired life overall. Plus I really didn't give myself the teenage dream I always wanted despite my trying to manifest my dream life for years now. Now ofc ik that it's my fault because I'm not consistent with sticking to the end and even now I just spend majority of my time scrolling on tumblr. Which sucks because I think I'm coming to a point where I see no use in having this account anymore or even being in the community simply because all the "big" things I wanted, I didn't get yet. And I don't wanna just sit letting my years go by still sitting on these same desires when I'm almost 99% sure these desires will change in only a matter of time because they no longer hold much value to me anymore or feel fulfilling to have because I'm at a point if giving up entirely which makes me kinda sad tbh.

The only issue with giving up on the law though is well...u can't just walk away after you've studied a way to get out of the hell hole you're living. Secondly ik it's gonna be 3d events that happen to me such as my toxic family that's gonna make me desire my dream life again and obsess over it and quite frankly I don't want to stay here and if I can be transparent with yall it's only gotten more and more worse yall dont even know. Thirdly I just can't go back to that suicidal place after all, im not even out of it and can relaspe at any moment especially in this time..I can't do negativity I will literally take myself out if it becomes too much abd that can happen quickly.

I don't want to stay here in the world I'm living despite the few good experiences because no matter how hard i pretend, i always go back that im just not happy. I mean i try for yall and ppl who care, but im not and I don't think I have the push or drive anymore to manifest my dream life quite frankly...idk wtf to do 💔. If anyone has any advice pls help.

[infiniteko]

https://x.com/postdisclosure?s=21

Do u think aliens exist? I saw this profile on twitter and i thought maybe aliens were spreading non dualism to make us go crazy or spiral out of control 😭😭😭

You promise your not some malevolent alien???

Im only 13 and shifting realities has ruined my life and taken away my innocence. I just keep going down rabbit hole after rabbit hole. Im insatiable right now. I just wanna know whats real. 😭😭

Literally from "no concepts," to loa, to shifting, astral projection, alien, conspiracy theories, demons, alchemy, angels, folk spiritual practices, witchcraft....ever since I was 11 and came across shiftok I dove deep into all these esoteric studies

And while "no concepts" feels the best, when you chnaged your pfp I got scared 😭😭😭 because it happened when I came across this community of people that think aliens are gonna come for disclosure and theyre not sure if theyre good or bad, but that humanity needs to know. It was such a stupid synchronicity...maybe i dreamed up this way...because im so scared of all this crazy esoteric knowledge i know now. All my friends think im crazy, but they also think its cool, but also dont have the mental fortitude to dive as deeply as i did 😭😭😭 im all alone

Theres these beings that esoteric people on 4chan talk about, theyre called mantids and they can control your brains😭😭😭 theyre partially aliens

Idk what to believe, but again, i even tried witchcraft and spell work, and astrology. EVERYTHING over these past two years to find out the truth of reality. I have over a terabyte of files worth of esoteric knowledge. And i still don't know!!! I wish i never came across tiktok and did this deep dive into the unknown. I wish I had just been a normal middle schooler

I wish i just found loa and non dualism first

Do you have any advice? I know, I think u might be an alien. But ur probs not lol.

My parents and grandparents cant even help...all they care about is work and keeping our lives organized. My mom and dad told me im just going down rabbit holes for no reason. My family laughs that im into all this esoteric stuff. I actually think they think its a cool quirk in the family. So shallow😭😭😭😭😭😭 im too young for this mental illness

But its too late, I know too much...

Any other no concepts people, please say anything to this post

Ur guys words have been the thing that makes the most sense. But this awakening/noticing is intense and nobody around me is going through this 💔❤️‍🩹😭🫶🏻

jesus christ???????

1. Anon with all due respect, your first question.. if you know i'm an AV/" " account, where does the belief in aliens fit in?

2. In a slightly concerning tone, don't you see how out of touch all of this sounds?

3. At your young age of 13 you might want to stay away from social media for a bit because.. this does not sound healthy anymore😬 over a terabyte of files worth esoteric knowledge.. jesus christ

[fgsbeanie]

Birthday gift >:) 2023

[angeldiaries777]

i dont fuckin know

my entire fucking life and personality is based off of intense trauma

i just want a reset button so i can do my little tasks and go outside without feeling like the world is gonna end ive had countless meltdowns i don't know how much longer i can live like this. i'm so mentally fucked rn my heads just so empty and full at the same time.

i actually am so sick of myself like i don't wanna look at my stupid face anymore i'm very much over everything i'm putting myself through yet i can't stop. i am an insane person who very clearly needs help no more censors i just need a break from myself how do i get that? i'm not thinking clearly or like myself at all. there is some sort of cognitive dissonance. i'm living my life for other people lying to myself that its what i want. i'm stunting my own growth. and change seems impossible at this point.i can never just have a normal life till i fucking find out where this is all coming from. why i'm being so strange and dumb lately i don't wanna accept it or whats hapepned yet i have to. want to take an actual break from here because its just not healthy. i'm not healthy. even i think i'm just constantly in my own negative loop. i know i'm mentally ill to the core and i know whats making it worse but god guys its like being an addict and i fucking got addicted to pain and torturing myself. moral of the story don't be like me. if u relate to me im so sorry. if u read this you're probably dumb soo i wish u a good day and im gonna try to stay off of this hell hole app thats basically been my entire 2023. love u.

[imtheliquoricebitch]

i dont wanna live in a hole anymore

[credulouscanidae]

every day i live in a passive limbo, waiting for the moment i suddenly feel better and can confront my anxiety, paranoia, and loneliness.

i feel like i have been shattered, and left in pieces with no glue to be put back together.

every day my existentialism and history of being gaslit dominates my brain and i can never make sense of my thoughts and feelings. i am constantly second-guessing myself, and implanting intentions that weren't previously there. i feel like i am required to have constant self-awareness, and to not have so means that i am Obviously Insane and Unsalvagable.

people on the outside would think im just a very holistic thinking person. which is true, and can be a good thing. but honestly? it's detrimental to how i perceive myself. i cannot unabashedly live in the moment of anything. i am, by default, viewing myself from a third person perspective in a hyper critical way. i feel afraid to fall into any category of people or labels, because to claim anything about myself is felt to either be a lie, a mockery of people who are "really" that thing, or it's attention seeking (which of course is the worst thing you could ever do right?)

even claiming to be existential causes a fear and anxiety that i am being pretentious or not self aware that it's a very human experience. my detachment from the world, my trauma, my existentialism, none of it is important or matters because others experience it too.

i cannot begin to describe what gaslighting does to the brain.

what it's done to me.

i dont even wanna claim ive become very isolated because others also experience it. id say the lockdowns from 2020-2021 triggered this, but i think more and more and realise that i wouldve done this when my mum died, or even earlier had i not had a confident person with friends take me under their wing.

i feel my whole life has come into question. i feel like my old home, my old life, my friends and pet and loved ones, dont exist anymore. i feel like im a dead person, looking back on their life and realising who i really was. all the mistakes and inconsiderate behaviours i ever done. it just fuels the fire of the gaslit brain.

everything i ever do or feel is a contradiction. i dont matter to others, but i also have more of an impact on others than i realise. the impact i have matters more than what im ever feeling, and for me to not be self aware of that clearly demonstrates how selfish and horrible i truly am.

maybe it's why people think im such a giving, non-judgemental, and sweet person. im not. im angry. im subjugated. im frightened. like a deer in the headlights, i have no choice. im easygoing and agreeable because i am scared of disagreeing or giving my thoughts through normal debate. because doing so in the past has caused assumptions about me, or intentions skewed or created. my words did not matter, but also they did.

i dont know how to just. start talking to people again. i have been given advice from people who have dealt with isolation but. i know the secret is to challenge yourself and do things even when you dont feel ready, because youll never feel ready, but how? i have lost so much. i dont have the support i need to do something so brave. because i am a coward who avoids and runs away. thats probably manipulative for me to do anyway. ive dug myself into a hole i cant climb out of. ive literally made it worse for myself for no reason. and now i cant even face the consequences of my own inaction.

but why would i wish for people to be there for me when i cant even be there for them? i know i would be there for them, in a heartbeat, but i cannot right now. thats selfish and manipulative to say i guess but. it's not fair that others dont get considered as a result of me not considering myself. mental illness makes you selfish. it makes you not a good friend.

i want to be a real friend.

dont wanna break when i bend.

.....

i have a therapist im gonna be seeing every 2 weeks. if this doesnt work out, then idk what i'll do. i have settled for the most part, and when life feels good, when my roots are grounding and growing in england, it feels good. i dont have many friends here, but i am happy with my partner and his friends, but it feels like i have so many loose ends and a life i have left behind that i cant face. and i am guilty when i experience happiness, let alone share it. because that doesnt align with my narrative that im suffering. which i am, but, i am also trying to survive and live in the life i currently have.

i guess that's what happens to the gaslit brain.

but i have to believe things will get better.

because if i don't

then what?