#I DONT SEE IT BUT IM SO FLATTERED ANYONE WOULD EVEN THINK THAT OMG???

[goldenhypen]

HELP ONE OF MY STUDENTS SAID I LOOK LIKE JUNGWON??? HELP THAT HAS TO HAVE BEEN THE NICEST SWEETEST COMPLIMENT IVE EVER RECEIVED IM CRYING

[x1e3ju]

hi friends^_^ this app has embarrassed me 2 times today i hate my life

drinking my appy juice...... sigh.... ok so life update im blonde now and drawing traditionally again! .. exciting ! oh what a year this will be what a year indeed but i still have so many shuake bungles all up in my head and i was rly thinking abt their transness and stuff as of late i finally re-did my pinterest and made it based on headcanoned character aesthetics and UGH goro akechi the beautiful transfemme u are so ive been thinking abt that a lot recently ALSO i watched mean girls ! what fun, i LOVED the movie the musical... not so much but i saw regina and js the main trio and was like !!!! akechi would love this... like in secret lol so ill be using that and specifically regina and cady as reference?? eherh lol

i love thinking abt his transness bc i didnt rly have like a set line-of-thought on what i was thinking at the time like last yr when i got more seriously into shuake and js the game in general but ive cleared my head on them a lot more now, i think watching mean girls and just being thrown back into that "girly pink" aesthetic of the early 00s its like making that pinterest board and thinking about all that encompassed the "girly" aesthetic in 2014 and the time in which akechi wouldve grown up in and all the standards that come with it, its interesting to place him into that and just think about it. its like with akira too, its interesting to imagine what they wouldve imagined as their "ideal versions" of themselves like what is prime masculinity and femininity to them, if that makes any sense. i envision and feel like what fits with akechi's character the most in terms of how he would express his transfemininity would be like that 2014 tumblr girly aesthetic and im rly horrible at describing things so lemme attach some pictures :0

ok so i did a general overview video of it instead lol and i hope i didnt add anything that could potentially trigger anyone i tried to add some not-so-nice things (lmao) to the board bc i wanted the boards to be as cringe and realistic as possible lmao (i emphasized that especially with sumire ToT) again, i think its rly interesting to see these aesthetics like how they wouldve seen it or how they wouldve wanted and envisioned for themselves. i dont think akechi wouldve been open to this with anyone at all, he definitely wouldve had like an anon tumblr page and only wouldve logged on on super extra not busy days and it wouldve felt almost like a guilty pleasure for him, like being super embarrassed and always freaking out thinking someone was watching him lol ToT and i think even with anything and everything, the things he wouldve seen online that he wanted to be.. very badly still wouldve been reflected in the way he dressed and presented himself and i think sae and everyone else wouldve gave him weird looks for it definitely wfhufew its like for example i like to draw his little brown suit thingy with little flaps and i think he wouldve done that himself to give a more "flattering" feminine look to it, thinking he was being subtle abt it even tho... it definitely gives the look lol ToT and just so many things, i think his internalized transphobia would even affect his connection with akira too and just like even the way he interacts with others and himself and not in the usual way if that makes sense.

its like how i mentioned earlier, i watched mean girls and i saw regina and was like omg akechi would DIE for her but at the same time, i dont think he would like her as a character at all ToT he's very much the cady to me like that scene where cady was like "i didnt do anything wahh!!!" reminds me sm of him and how he was and i think so much of his personality wouldve been affected by that as i stated before due to the way femininity is perceived by like, everyone and everything ever omg. like he would definitely have that view that femininity is almost like oversexualization especially since they wouldve grown up at a time where the whole girlboss troupe in media was making its debut but at the same time, he'd have this burning passion for how "girls can be strong too!!!" its kinda like all those skit videos ppl would make where the parents are like "why are u defending gay ppl sm" like hopefully that makes sense lol but i think thats how itd feel to him and ultimately it'd just lead to him closely it off completely from himself. like for example, he'd see how free akira is to express himself in like all ways and be like "wow.. so uncivilized" lol even though canonly he envies him for being so much free about things and not constantly holding himself back like akechi did. ofc not in the trans aspect but u get the point lol so again, he would kind of be like the cady. cady was so scared of becoming like regina and she tried so hard, literally became a pick me and in the end, she was just like what she feared? same thing with akechi but reverse. he wouldnt stand with regina's character and motives/morals at all but would ADORE the way the plastics like dress and all that, especially with how much the actors SERVED in mean girls, the confidence is certainly admirable but would get embarrassed aside from being a man who expresses femininely and thats already an automatic no from society it also is viewed that the more feminine a woman is the less they are taken seriously and even from someone who has struggled with that myself, he would alr be like against being more feminine thinking that those thoughts he has are js negative or intrusive when in reality those things are FAR from synonymous

ok i feel like im repeating myself here and i had rly good points to bring up when i thought of this the other day but i hope yall understand what i mean!! this is such an important topic to me cuz i fucking LOVE trans ppl and always will and i LOVE transfemme characters and just dealing with that storyline, although im not femme presenting myself necessarily by choice but i love it sm and diving deeper into it is so fun to me and very healing, especially for my little girl lol. i think it fits rly well with his character and it js automatically made sense to me even if most ppl see that as "dumbing down" a character, i love connecting that to all the other serious bits of his story and i think headcanons as a whole give sm depth to a character and so much personal special love lol

ok i got sick ig and my throat is bothering me SO BAD like if it isnt my head my back ITS SOMETHING ITS ALWAYS SOMETHING maybe some other time ill get into akira and naoto and their transmascness like i had hoped but i think the world is telling me to hit the hay :'( ugh i hate my life... god bless u t4t shuake erbheu

[sonybees]

me rewatching dead poets society instead of doing my assignments

i’m not sure if anyone would even care about this but i am really bored soo here we go

neil looks so down when he’s with his father stopdjejdkfjnr

poor todd got forced to stand up i would get pissed eujehd

the best preparatory school? lmfao ok.

KEATING YAY

THE PRESSURE THAT TODD HAS TO GO THROUGH I CAN SEE IT IN HIS EYES HE DOES NOT WANT THIS WTF

poor kids being forced to go there

LMFAO SPAZ

i still don’t know what a stiff means is that even what he said?

OOPS LMFAO

attractive pieces of sht leaning on a door frame help

“keen.” HA

YESSIR USJSJSJ

why does meeks kind of sound like me when i meet someone new

“he flatters me.” LOLSJNDKSHSJJSKSJDC

“i thought you’d gOne.”

freaking hell stfu tom

i’ve always thought this who calls their father “sir” ???

THE LOOK CHARLIE AND KNOX SHARE HDNEJDJF

“BRAIN DAMAGE” HSMEJD

they all look so confused like same

BRO SPAZ LMFAO

their smiles are so cute awwjdnejsnjd

POOR PITTS SHJWJS

MEEKS SMILE WHEN HE SAID AN UNFORTUNATE NAME

DING

“turn cold and die.” damn that took a turn fast

caaaaaarpeeeee dieeeeeem @siezethedaypoets (sorry! sjjejs)

“that means you daLtoN” the way he says it lfmaosjjd

i thought he was gonna do history he pulled out his chem book dhjshdbd

take a breath knox damn

them just not at all understanding math is a mood

too bad :/

AWW THE WXCITEMENT IN PITTS AND MEEKS EYES

“very funny, dalton.” hehehhehehejjdjdjfjrkdn ccmv mf

AWW MEEKS

CHARLIE WTF YOU DRAWING

RIP SHRED TEAR

RIP RIP RIP

oh shit

ahh one of my fav scenes, charlie basically eating that ball of paper

i hate looking at this it’s so awkward like hello mr. mccallister

what will your verse be?

THE MASHED POTATOS

“no, keating.” LMFAO YES GO KEATING

is that stick? on the end of the table?

“don’t come please.”

“no shIt, sherlock.” HA I LOVE THIS GUY

“pittsie, cmon!” “his grades are hurting, charlie.” i literally just love this conversation

“i’ll try anything once.” “except sex!” “ha ha ha.” HSJWJJSND ANOTHER ONE OF MY FAV CONVOS

“WOMEN SWOON HA HA HA” THE EVIL LAUGH WTF SHEJJS

“CHARLIE @tellmewhytheyswoon” SORRY I HAD TO LMFAO

LMFAO SHUT UP WILL YOU

this is so chaotic and messy damn

the treatshsjdj

they’re loud asf

i wonder who’s who while they were running with the hoods

OH CRAP THE SUN IS OUT WHAT that isn’t in the movie sorry

I LOVE MEEKS AND CHARLIE’S RELATIONSHIP SM

i could never take note of the minutes when something happens how will he do that

YESSIR PART TWO

HOW DID PITTS TAKE THE OTHER HALF SO FAST

EVEN TODD KNOWS CAMERONS STORY LMFAO

LMFOA KNOX IS STARING AT THE PICTURE

MEEKS HOOO THEN I SAW THE CONGO CREEPING THROUGH THE BLACK

THE LITTLE BOING NOISE LMFAO WHAT IS THAT

“are you a man or an amoeba?” i’m sorry lol what the hell do you mean sjdjiend

TO WOO WOMEN

“why do i stand up here? anybody?” “@tofeeltaller” HA I LOVE DOING THIS IM SORRY

i would cry if i found out that i had to make a poem AND read it aloud in front of everyone

poor todd thougsjwhidfj

i wanna marry todd. lmfao where did that come from

RADIO FREE AMERICA

AWW THEM DANCING STFU THIS IS SO CUTE

i can’t hear the audio hellloooooojdjwksbdken

AWW we got some anderperry content here

lol i wanna wear their sweaters

:/// TODD

“no.” “no? what do you mean no?” “no.” *smirks* HAJDJDJWKNS

DONT BE IMMATURE

IDK WHERE TF THE INSTRUMENTS CAME FROM BUT I LOVE IT

the birds are so pretty

nice outfit knox

STOP STARING DUDE YOU’RE MAKING IT TOO OBVIOUS CMON

“sounds to me like you’re daunted.” JSJS

TO INDEED BE A GOD

MEEKS AND PITTS WOTH THEIR HEADPHONES ON AWW

“PUCK YOU” LMFAOAJSJJDJ

i bet todd’s poem is actually great

“the cat sat on the mat.” DNDIDHJDJDJDHS i love how keating still said it wasn’t all bad though

BRO DAMN DONT CALL TODD AND I OUT LIKE THAT

lmfao todd’s just hating every second of this

“sweaty toothed madman” i can see that too whatsbjdjdjsn

THIS IS BETTER THAN ANY POEM I EVER TRIED TO WRITE GREAT JOB TODD

NEIL IS AMAZED

when keating pushed their foreheads together wtf aww father son love typa thing that’s so cutejjedujsidj

LMFOA NO KNOX TRIPPED

YAYY GOAL

wtf this seems so fun

“your parents collect pipes? oh that’s really interesting.” LFMAOOAJSJD I LOVE PITTS

poetrusic by charlie dalton

laughing crying mumbling tumbling

DAMN HES GOOD

the little kind of aggressive hair ruffle awwjendn

OOO VOCABULARY

LMFAO THE LITTLE CHUCKLE KNOX DOES

AWW THEYRE ALL SO HAPPY FOR KNOX

THE SCARFSJJD

“exercising my right not to walk.” smartass

it’s todd’s birthday and no one greeted him excpet neil stfukqbxqbcdbkrw

the first unmanned flying desk set yes yes

THEY ALL JUST STOOD UP LMFAO

merlin knox you are DRUNK

PLEASE DONT ISTG KNOX

THATS NOT WHAT HE MEANT BY CARPE DIEM

well you’re in deep trouble now

“it’s God. he says we should have girls at welton.” as much as i love this scene what the hell were you thinking my man

i don’t get how this was legal back then. wtf is it gonna do? you’re just hurting the kids bro

the pain in his eyes stop

“@dangitneil the name’s nuwanda.” pain brokqdb jdjf

CRAP CRAP CRAP MR PERRY GET OUT

the pic of keating’s wife/gf aww

neil you’re gonna make me cry stop

that is so odd why are their lockers like connected from the left side isn’t it usually from the right?

JSKSIJDEIUWKDRUEJSJX CHRIS IS SO DONE NODKDMD

that piece of bread

THIS GUY JUST SHOVED A KID CMON KNOX

“WHAT DO YOU MEAN NOTHING?”

AWW WHEN TODD MESSED UO CAMERONS HAIR

CHARLIE LMFAO I MENA NUWANDA

KNOX IS DONE W THEM TOO

chris is gorgeous omg

the snow in her hair stop marry me

“you are SO infuriating”

i hate how i’m just completely forgetting what’s gonna happen in like 10 minutes

PUCK

LMFAOTHEM HOLDING DOWN CHARLIE

“he’s really good.” AW YES HE IS FUCSHWMDMD

wait the holding hands is kinda cute thoughsjdnd

bro mr perry is making me want to kill someone maybe him

NEIL’S SMILE IMMEDIATELY WENT AWAY IHATE YOU TOM

damnit you idiot i hate you sm let your son live you bastard

sigh sigh sigh sigh sigh sobs sobs sobs

merlin neil

IM JUST NOT GONNA THINK ABOUT THIS YK

HA HA HA NOT CRYING

SIGHS AGAIN

DEAR LORD

NO TODD IS GONNA MAKE ME CRY TOO STOP

THEY ALL SEEM LIKE THEYRE IN SHOCK NO

damn everything

SIGH WHY DIDNT I STOP WATCHING? IDFK

“it’s beautiful.” NOFNEJWGHSGEMWGE NEED WH

KEATING NO

lol lol lol lol lol lol lol lol lol lol lol lol lol

charlie just sitting down not singing i hate this

i probably should’ve just stopped watching yk but i didn’t but that’s okay i think

i got so pissed the first time they said that they were gonna ask questions like??? did mr perry did no at all realize that it was his fault?

sigh cameron you aren’t always that bad but in this scene i loathe you

NO RICHARD

DAMNIT YOU MADE TODD SNAP

AND CHARLIE SNAPPED TOO YOU JUST MESSED UP TOO MUCH MAN

i hate how it went from a happy dark academia movie to this cmon

todd’s dad is so mean shut up he was just asking a question

it feels so sad in the room i hate it

the empty chairs pls no

keating’s little chuckle man i miss their smiles

BRO SROP THEY LOOK SO SAD TODD ISTG

*GASP OF HAPPINESS IN THE MIDDLE OF CRYING* HUHUHUH

TODD MEEKS STICK SPAZ PITTS KNOX GEORGE? HA I LOVE YALL

and we’re done. damn okay

thanks for reading ig fjdbshsbjwhdjsj

anyways i’m tired goodnight or morning or wtvr thanks! and sorry <3

[rint4rous]

hogwarts au! oikawa

a/n: wrote this with a bad headache LMAO so if you see mistakes no you didnt <3

yeah help

anyway

oikawa toru

sixth year slytherin

captain of slytherin quidditch team

this one. very popular with the girls.

always gets gifts and confessed to, he turns them all down nicely tho

he flirts with them a little but never goes out with anyone

thanks but no thanks, hes focusing on quidditch

mostly hangs out with hanamaki, matsukawa, and iwaizumi

you, sixth year gryffindor

a chaser for the quidditch team

actually you and oikawa had a bit of a rivalry thing going on

because oikawa was getting good grades AND is good at quidditch

and it doesnt even look like hes trying.

and he lowkey comes off as arrogant sometimes

and youre like i hate geniuses

the two of you met during first year when he tried playfully hitting iwa in the hallway but iwa dodged

and you happen to be speedwalking past and then next thing you know you get slapped???

you stop walking and turn to oikawa

hes like HOLY CRAPDFHJSHJR

“I AM SO SORRY-”

“it’s alright!”

“are you sure??”

“yeah, it was an accident, right? …. unless it wasnt?”

“NO I SWEAR IT WAS AN ACCIDENT”

“i thought so! see you ‘round!”

then you skip away

yeah. yall dont really start competing and shit until you found out your mom and his mom had BEEF??? WHEN THEY WERE IN SCHOOL????

you found that out at the end of first year

“i heard tachibana’s son is in your year. or i guess she’s oikawa now.”

youre like yeah what about it

“my dearest y/n, you’re a smart little girl, okay?”

“so make sure you’re better than that oikawa kid, alright?”

and little innocent you is like “ok”

so start of second year, you study and work extra hard

but here’s perfect little oikawa who always knocks you down to second place

at first youre like. i’ll just work harder!

and he joins quidditch and so do you

so you try hard at that too

you’re not like a sore loser or anything so when slytherin wins you shake his hand with a smile

but by the end of the year you’re just kinda :/ now because you never see him studying or practicing spells so how the fuck is he BETTER THAN YOU AT EVERYTHING!!! ITS NOT FAIR!!!!!

third year you come into school with like not very good feelings abt oikawa

and your mom was on your ass about your grades and you’re like omfggg im TRYING OKAY IM TRYING SO HARD

too bad tho thats when he starts liking you …

middle of third year is when you start expressing those feelings for oikawa out loud

“i hate self-centered geniuses. come back down to earth, will you.”

he heard you say when test results came back

and hes like is she talking abt me? lol nah shes probably talking about stupid ushijima over there

and then he finds out you were in fact talking abt him

hes kinda hurt lol

then when the new term rolls in

and the two of you just start talking shit about each other and start arguing all the time

“what’s the answer, l/n?”

“fairy wings.”

“oh my bad, i didn’t realize she said oikawa, and not l/n.”

“oh sorry, i thought you wouldn’t know the answer so i answered for you! i saved you from embarrassing yourself. you’re welcome~”

your seatmate yaku was holding you down with all his might and HOW IS LITTLE MAN ABLE TO HOLD YOU BACK HIS GRIP IS STRONG BRO

the whole class s ighs here we go AGAIN

the teacher doesnt even bother sending you guys out to hall anymore because this happens so much

you always try to sabotage each other in potions

one time his eyebrows almost burned off after his potion exploded in his face

makki and mattsun like LMFAOWFEHERGUYER

then when the year ends you’re like ranting to your mom like “i hate geniuses. who does he think he is? just because he can beat me at everything?? i’ll show him. i’ll make him eat dirt in the field. i’ll wipe that dumb smirk off his face. i’ll-”

your mom: omg my little baby so full of hate just like her momma

fourth year you’re so determined to beat oikawa at something

he sees you in the library, unprovoked, once and he comes up from behind you like

“aw, is l/n gonna try beating me again this year? you know there’s no point in trying.”

you: hold it in hold it in hold it in YOU’RE MATURE NOW Y/N L/N. YOU SHOULD BE MORE MATURE THAN THIS DIMWIT IN FRONT OF YOU. inhale exhale inhale exhale

“aw, is oikawa gonna try beating ushiwaka in quidditch again this year? you know there’s no point in trying.”

way to be mature

poor oikawa tho you pressed a wrong button so he just leaves silently

you kinda regret it after

so this year goes like the last and so does the next

“arent you tired?? of competing with oikawa all the time??” your friend semi asked you

“kind of”

“then stop?? you dont have to fulfill your mom’s high school revenge lmao”

“ughh eita i know but im too far in”

one time you were out breaking curfew #savage

no but seriously you couldn’t sleep so you thought some fresh air will help, the dorms were super suffocating right now

you were stressed after your mom’s monthly letter

beat oikawa this beat oikawa that

you turn at a corner and you see the man himself, ALSO BREAKING CURFEW

now the both of you are looking at each other like 👁👄👁

“GOD L/N I THOUGHT YOU WERE A TEACHER I NEARLY DIED FROM A HEART ATTACK”

“shush before we both get caught”

“right sorry sorry”

“so what the hell are you doing breaking curfew.”

“what are you doing breaking curfew.”

“i asked you first”

“so?”

“just answer the question, oikawa.”

he looks around, making sure the coast was clear before he motions you over to him and as you walk towards him

you see the door hes standing in front of

he drags you in there and what you see is

a bunch of practice dummies

“yeah i,, practice my spells here at night. contrary to popular belief i’m not a genius like ushiwaka or tobio. i’m flattered you think so, though.”

and youre like he... actually practices?? he is actually human?

“what’s with that look? you wanna join me practice at night?”

“as if-” and then you see the book of spells and you guys aren’t even learning any of this YET. and you are determined not to fall behind oikawa “sure.”

oikawas like pardon?

you: i SAID SURE.

and so now at night you practice spells together

only because you want to beat him as if

the arguing goes down a little because you get caught up in beating each other at who gets to do the spell right first that practice runs super late sometimes and you dont have energy to fight with each other that early

everybodys like ??? huh????

but then you’re back to the usual bs in the afternoon and everybodys like oh okay so the world isnt ending yet

so anyway !! yall are practicing again

you’re pointing your wand at a practice dummy and trying to focus so you dont accidentally do something dumb

"hey why do you hate me so much?”

LITERALLY CATCHES YOU OFF GUARD AND BREAKS YOUR FOCUS

“it’s not because i hit you when we were first years right? it really was an accident i swear-”

“you still remember that?”

“well yeah… because i cant think of any other reason why you don’t like me.”

“um… trying too hard to please my mom, i guess. what about you? why did you try so hard to beat me at everything?” you ask, regaining your focus for the charm

“idk, you never paid attention to me unless i did.”

you scoff, “why? you don’t like me or anything, do you?”

“i do tho??”

he literally said that just before you chanted the spell and you got caught off guard and

“stupefy!”

it almost hits oikawa

oikawa: WHAT DID I DO

you: SHITHEAD DONT SAY THAT WHEN IM ABOUT TO DO SOMETHFIBEFH

“HOW DID THIS EVEN HAPPEN???”

“I DONT KNOW IT WAS FUN COMPETING WITH YOU WHEN WE WERE SECOND YEARS AND IT JUST DID?? I TRIED SO HARD SO I CAN IMPRESS YOU AND I GUESS MY PLAN BACKFIRED BECAUSE I DONT THINK YOU LIKE ME VERY MUCH”

now youre staring at each other and you’re both red

he kinda quiets down “and you’re a better rival than ushijima anyway. i don’t mean any of the stuff i said, i swear. i know you don’t like me but i just needed to let that out or i will go insane.”

and hes just looking down all shy

at this point you actually dont know if you like oikawa or not

i mean??? you spent like 3 years butting heads with this dude

and he liked you the whole time?? hes crazy this man is crazy.

maybe you were just in denial the whole time

because?? you could’ve stopped competing with him at everything

maybe you did enjoy it somehow

he did make your life at school interesting

“let’s go out on a few dates and we’ll see.”

his head just whips up and his eyes like light up and hes so EXCITED

in the time before you officially started dating

you find out from iwaizumi that even tho he smiles at a lot of girls its actually rarely genuine the only girl hes ever seen oikawa smile about genuinely was you

and that his mom actually didnt approve of him playing quidditch at first because he had a bad knee but he pushed for it because he really wanted to

he has like a smug and a flippant demeanor but hes very attentive and super caring !!

hes super passionate and hard working at what he does and

i guess now you finally realize you are falling

it takes five dates until the two of you officially start going out

if you tell third year you that you were dating oikawa she would never believe it but here you are, walking to class with him

when the two of you walked in the classroom talking

like TALKING NORMALLY AND NOT THE USUAL “i will choke you in your sleep” “ooh, kinda k-” “don’t”

it was already sus when the arguing toned down a bit but now that its like. REALLY GONE?? everybody is so confused

LMFAO matsukawa asks like “what happened?? are you guys broken?”

“no???”

“how rude! dearest y/n and i are dating now!”

everybody in this class: see now thats crazy. that is crazy.

makki: maybe we didnt hear him right. say that again oikawa

oikawa: me and y/n are dating.

everybody: oh okay bc we thought you said you and l/n were dat- WAIT SO YOU AND L/N REALLY ARE TOGETHER??? 

you: unfortunately

oikawa: h-hey :((((

everybody: SO WE DONT GOTTA LISTEN TO YALL ARGUE FIRST THING IN THE MORNING??? YOU HAVE TO TREAT THE WHOLE CLASS TO BUTTERBEER I THINK WE DESERVE IT AFTER THESE THREE YEARS OF CONSTANT YELLING

nobody was as SHOCKED as your moms

“y/n, baby, i know i did not just hear you say you’re dating the oikawa kid. repeat that for momma again.”

“i’m dating the oikawa kid.”

like?? MOM THIS WAS TECHNICALLY UR FAULT

“so toru, what did you wanna tell me?”

“i have a girlfriend now! her name is y/n l/n.”

“l/n? surely not THAT l/n’s daughter, right?”

“oh it is that l/n.”

when your families have dinner together for the first time

THE TENSION LMFAO

but they do try hard to get along. they try super hard.

they start getting along because MAN YOU AND OIKAWA WERE SOO CUTE AND THEY WANT YOU TO GET MARRIED AND THEY HAVE TO GET ALONG IF THEY WANT IT TO HAPPEN. THEIR GRANDKIDS ARE GONNA BE SO CUTE!!!

“ma, we haven’t graduated yet-”

your mom, ignoring you: THEYRE GOING TO HAVE THE CUTEST HAIR

oikawa’s mom: AND THEY’RE GOING TO BE SUPER SMART LIKE THEIR PARENTS!

your mom: AND WE’LL BE THE BEST GRANDMAS.

momma oiks: PERIOD!

steals your books from you in the halls so he can carry it for you

you tease each other with pet names and shit???

he’ll try to kiss your cheek in the hall but iwa grabs the back of his robe and pulls him away “you’re gross”

“you’re just jealous iwa!!”

when your houses arent playing each other, he goes to your games and vice versa!

tries to distract you in the field

“hey beautiful”

“toru don’t or i will make iwa knock you off your broom.”

“you're so mean”

so anyways yall r couple goals

"listen well, kindaichi, kunimi, your senior is showing you how to get girls.”

kunimi, without looking up from his book: what are you gonna teach us? accidentally slap the girl and get her to hate you for three years while you secretly pine over her during that time before confessing that you liked her the whole time and you go out on five dates and officially start dating? too much work

oikawa: LISTEN HERE YOU LITTLE SHIT

[senttotheshadowrealm]

Coco Fic Day!

Happy Day! I have a few suggestions!

#1-  Fic Title: Whatever It Takes by papergardener on AO3 (dont know if they have a Tumblr)

- What it’s about: Ernesto disposing of Hector’s body after the deed is done. And the mental tug of war he has in his head while he does so.

- What I like the most about it: The writing and the added depth to Ernesto’s character. I have actually accepted this fic into what I genuinely believe happens in the canon and exactly what I think Ernesto’s mindset was at the time. So, until Lee or Adrian say otherwise, this is what happened after the poisoning as far as I’m concerned.

-Favorite Scene: The burial. It’s rough to read in the best possible way. Everything about it is so delightfully painful. It shows how much a tragedy this whole thing really was for everyone involved.

-Why others should read it: First off, just to fill in a missing gap in the story. Lee was actually asked what Ernesto did with Hector’s body, which he left open ended. This is, I think, the best version of events. Secondly, and to me more importantly, to get a really interesting glimpse into Ernesto’s mind. I like to sing from the rafters that Ernesto is one of my favorite villains in all of cinema. This fic is why. The internal conflict he struggles with is so fascinating. And his cold justification for everything is chilling.

-Other thoughts: The whole fic you’re screaming at the screen for him to change his mind. It’s a real roller coaster. Also I could literally list all of papergardener’s Coco stuff on here. It’s all wonderful.

#2- Fic Title: Two Cokes by death_frisbee (and maybe im_fairly_witty?) on AO3 (idk if death_frisbee has a Tumblr, but I’ll tag im_fairly_witty!)

-What it’s About: It takes place in the Teacher!AU when Hector was just a little adorable boy and explores his relationship with his very stern Tia Victoria.

-What I like the most about it: Omg what do I not love about this?? I love the pacing. I love the relationship between Hector and Victoria, especially since we didn’t get too much of it in the canon. I love Hector’s relationship with Elena. I love it ALL!

-Favorite scene: I think the birthday scene. It’s a touching moment between Hector and Victoria. Not only is it super ooc for Victoria which is interesting, in and of itself, but the warning she gives to Hector (and you know what it is if you’ve read it) rips my heart right out of my chest. A close second is the cigarette scene.

-Why others should read it: The FEELS!

-Other thoughts: Honestly just go read all the Teacher!AU things written by @im-fairly-whitty and death_frisbee. It’s so enjoyable. And even thought it has a lot of Imector in it, which as many already know is not my favorite thing, it’s well worth dealing with to see Hector and Miguel be so adorable together! Of course I know Imector is a thing most people enjoy xD But you get it!

Aaaaand know for some self promotion! Or should I say coming attractions 😉

My fic: Papa is Home by me!!

What it’s about: The Rivera curse is a little more literal. The Riveras are genuinely unable to play music. That is except for two of its members: Miguel and his Great Grandmother Coco. Coco claims there is a spirit following her, guiding her. Her and Miguel team up to solve the mysteries of their families’ past and break the curse.

Why I wrote (am going to write) it: I like me a good ghost story. And what better set up than the Coco story. It’s got it all. Vengeful spirits, guilt laden fathers, a determined family, and a tragic death. Not to mention I wanted to give Mama Coco a bit more spotlight then she has in other fics I’ve read :D

What I like most about it (the idea anyway): Even in the film I liked Miguel and Coco’s relationship. I’m just reaaaaally gonna enjoy exploring it a bit more!

What part was the most fun to write: Don’t know yet ;3

Why I think you should read it: Oh geez um... to hear one of your favorite stories told though a different perspective? To get those sweet, sweet feels? You need more Hector suffering? I know I’d just greatly appreciate it! Just know I have changed some things and certain characters may not be put in the most flattering light. Just remember its all my silly opinion :3

Other thoughts: I also started a fic foreeeever ago that was about Hector’s life from birth to post film, but I haven’t worked on it in actual years! I’d probably have to rewrite it if anyone would be interested in a fic like that!

[yeoldontknow]

Dear Kat, we've never talked before and I've never made any moves to interact because I admire you and your writing so much that the idea of actually saying hi made me nervous. I'm here to spread happiness and to tell you that, even though we've never talked, I care about you so, so much. I fell in love - no - I voluntarily dove head first into your works, belly flopped, and accidentally found myself in love with your writing (all of it). The way you put words on a page, the way you paint entirely new worlds- you always find a way to touch my heart, soul, and mind. Your writing tends to leave me speechless and I often find myself remembering the words you write even though I can barely remember what I ate for dinner. While your writing leaves me speechless, your innate and endless kindness leaves me breathless. If there was more of your kindness in the world, it would be a better place. Overall, you - as a person, as a writer, as someone I admire - are amazing and wonderful and alluring and bewitching and every other good adjective I can't think of right now. I hope you take these words to heart. I hope that on the days you feel sad and disconnected from the world, that you remember this and know that no matter what anyone says, you're you. And you are every good thing in this world. Please know that you deserve all the happiness in the world, in the universe, in the multiverse, in everything that was, everything that is, and everything that will be. This is by far the longest and most thought out 'love letter' I've written to anyone and I really hope you recieve this. Stay safe and stay healthy, and know that you are cared about💕

omg. this message?? this is so so so lovely and beautiful. im truly verklempt. i dont even know what to say? i mean first and foremost please dont ever be shy or nervous to say hi. im really just a person who is in her pajamas 90% of the time looking for wine. theres no reason to be intimidated here!

im so honored and touched that you feel this way about my writing, and especially that it means this much to you. i pour my heart into the things i create, so seeing that it makes you feel this way or that its touched or resonated with you is just about the best thing an artist or creator could ever be told. and the rest of the compliments about me.....like wow...wow. this is so?? wonderful i really wish i knew what to say i just am so flattered and moved. this message really means a lot to me and when it came in yesterday it made my heart soar, thank you so much. i will treasure this forever <3

[lelawrites]

Number three with Midoriya, please! Love your writing, hun!

Filter (ProHero!Midoriya IzukuXReader)

Izuku had a filter on, at all times. Being a rising hero, he couldn't say or do whatever he wanted to. He needed to be calm, accurate and prove himself worthy of becoming the number one hero. He wanted to be himself, he really did, but if he wanted to continue climbing the hero ranks as he was now, he couldn't do that just yet.

That filter sadly included him not being allowed to date. He hated that aspect the most out of all the things he had to restrain himself from doing or saying, especially now. His friends had dragged him to a club on his night off, only convincing him to get dressed after they told him you were there, too. As soon as he heard your name he jumped off his bed and ran into his shower, getting ready to impress you. You really had him under your control.

Now, he saw your hair moving with you as you danced so sensually to the music that was playing, your hips swaying to the beat, your hands dragging themselves over your body. The glass in his hand was on the verge of breaking as he watched you from the bar. Your outfit was so flattering, there was a light sheen to your skin. You hypnotised him, pulled him in so hard that he couldn't think of anyone else than you.

The moment your eyes caught his, it was officially over with him. First, there was a surprised look on your face, but that quickly changed to a knowing smirk. You even winked at him, dancing even more sensually now. He swallowed hard, slamming the glass in his hands on the counter, scaring the bartender behind him.

His steps to you were quick, he was in need to be close to you, to feel you and when he reached you, he did exactly that. The moment he was behind you he put his hands on your hips, pulling you into him.

"Do you love teasing me that much?", he growled into your ear, causing you to get goose bumps all over your body. You rasped out a breathy "I do" as he slowly moved the two of you closer to a wall. Your hands made their way behind you, finding their place in Izuku's locks.

"How about I show you how much I love teasing, too, hm? What do you think about that?", his voice was so rough as he spoke, his hands wrapping around your hips and turning you around to face him. You hadn't noticed how you two reached the wall until you were pressed firmly against it. A small gasp escaped you, causing Izuku to smirk. "Moaning already for me?"

"Where has your filter gone, Izu?", you asked innocently while placing your hands around his neck again, pulling him closer to you. The two of you were high on each other, only seeing the other, not caring about anyone or anything else.

He moved to kiss the skin along your throat, "I think I need a brand new filter...One that lets me be with you...", he whispered surprisingly soft, his movements halting, anxious to hear your answer.

Your hands moved to his cheeks, moving him to look at you. Your eyes fell to his soft looking lips before you dragged them back up to look at his eyes. "Kiss me already", you breathily whispered back, as desperate as he was to finally feel each others lips.

"Gladly", he rasped, before he slammed his lips onto yours. You couldn't stop kissing each other, never having felt anything even close to this. It felt like there were fireworks going off, in a world just the two of you were in.

A world you two would revisit very often from now on.

----

omg this is the spiciest thing i have ever written and didbdid omg???? pls dont ask how i came up with this idea, i dont know either like omg im emBarrassed i even wrote thiiis, uff......... (also, i hope it doesnt bother you that i made him like,, a pro hero, anon!! if it does, i sincerely apologize and you can of course send that request again!!!)

i hope you guys enjoyed it!!

[joongzone-blog]

ateez reaction to meeting their famous crush

anon: can you do a reaction to ateez meeting there famous crush? thx

mimi: this is gender neutral! <3

. . . 

HONGJOONG:

he’d be so professional about it since they’d meet at an awards show or something

they’d exchange hellos, welcomes, bows all that good stuff

obv he’d congratulate them for winning an award but he’d be very awkward and shy

then backstage, he’d be filming and the pd would ask how he felt while meeting his crush

and he’d reply professionally

“it was such a nice feeling seeing someone i adored so much for the first time, and to congratulate them was such an honor−”

wooyoung coming in like

“hongjoongie-hyung is lying he really hated meeting them, he told me it was the worst experience he ever had meeting a celebrity”

joong would laugh like hAhaHa! 

“wooyoung is such a comedian! haha! see you at the dorm later wooyoung-ah”

and hes grinning and wooyoung is running away

SEONGHWA:

oof. he is so cute T__T anyone think seonghwa w black hair look like bran stark?

he’d react the same way as hongjoong: professional, formal and polite since they’re both older

i think he’d be shyer and more polite than hongjoong

maybe . even . clumsy . hehe . 

him and his crush are nominated to mc on a music show and after meeting them he’d go on vlive

atiny would ask him how he felt meeting his crush

and he’d laugh at himself cause he remembers tripping on his own feet before meeting his crush backstage

his crush would catch him and laugh: “are you okay?”

“hAhAhA. oh my god, i’m so sorry. i’m just really nervous. hello. it’s so nice to meet you.”

“no need to be formal we’re the same age!”

“ah yes.”

− awkward silence − a lot of them

djsfhskhd and thats all that seonghwa remembers bc he’s so embarrassed of how much of a fool he made of himself

but atiny would tell him he did really great mc’ing so that would help him feel so much better

YUNHO:

i think he’d react polite but also extra friendly bc he’s just a big friendly bear >:(

they’d be collabing for a dance video and before learning and practicing the choregraphy they’d meet up so that they’d get to know each other first

so they’d meet in front of a restaurant and when they’d shake hands yunho would grab their hand and compare it to his

“wtf ur hands are so small”

“please dont mention it, everybody says that”

“you’re like hongjoong-hyung, his hands are like a child’s”

“are you saying im a child?”

and yunho would bow to say sorry “no sunbaenim, sorry”

but their crush would laugh and tell him he was just kidding 

“you don’t have to be so polite we’re friends now”

and yunho would get so smiley

a happy baby ^ - ^ 

and during their meal they’d constantly insult each other and get super close that they exchange personal numbers 

YEOSANG:

kang yeosang you are the prettiest person on this planet

ahhhh he’d be getting ready to meet his famous crush so he’d be very very nervous inside and outside

his legs are shaking, he won’t stop talking and when he’s on camera for the behind the scenes he’s extra nervous

his hair stylist tells him not to be nervous that his crush would really enjoy meeting him: “you’re always nervous meeting people but once you actually meet them you’re super cool and so easy-going so there’s nothing to worry about”

pd is like “but this is your crush!”

yeosang is in jitters again!!!

D: yeosang on the inside D:

“thank you pd-nim, your words of advice soothe me. i appreciate it. director, if you’re watching this, you should give them a pay rise.”

and everyone in the room is laughing 

and when he meets his crush he really is calm!!!

he’s sooooo friendly, constantly asking questions about them and making them laugh

throwing in a joke here and again, and once they get comfortable w each other

his crush starts doing skinship :’)!!!

SAN:

girl, this bitch would obviously pull out his cuteness

when they meet san would be polite as hell

and when his crush compliments him 

he’d be ^ - ^ bc he loves to be complimented, he feels validated

he’d then do some cute peace sign and say thank you in a cute way

his crush would get heart eyes

“ahhh you’re so cute! how are you so cute?”

but back to the professionalism he’d get to work with his crush with whatever they’re doing

but while they’re doing what they’re doing

san is constantly awe struck with his crush

bc he’s so friendly they get so comfortable with each other so quickly

and also bc he’s so clingy and touchy-feely

san constantly keeps bumping his crush’s arm 

and when they’re laughing (omg insert compilation of san’s cute laugh here)

san would fall on his crush laughing just bc he loves their company and how funny they really are

when he leaves, he makes an ig video and says thank you to his crush for being so kind to him and shows everyone the gift his crush gave him

MINGI:

aw cute baby would be so shocked :o but also so excited :D

it’d be his bday and the company would bring his crush to his surprise bday vlive 

and his reaction would be so dramatic 

his crush would try to shake his hand or hug him

but mingi would be so in-denial that his crush is there he’d back away and tell everyone to stop joking around

“this isn’t funny!!! technology is so advanced now i know that’s a hologram!!!”

everyone laughing at him like there’s no tomorrow cause he’s so dramatic

and when they finally get to shake hands and hug

mingi just engulfs them bc he’s so tall and his arms are so long!!!

he can’t believe it still so he’s constantly pinching his crush’s arm just to check that they’re real

“wow.....not a hologram.....this is so cool”

hongjoong joking around asking mingi’s crush dumb questions like

“is mingi close to your type?”

and mingi just kicks him away bc he’s so embarrassed

“i’m sorry. please ignore my members they enjoy teasing the soft big guy”

ahhh and his crush would be so flattered by him and they’d feel shy bc he’s just so handsome and cute!!!

WOOYOUNG:

flirty baby would be so shy at first!!!

he’d react like yunho, polite and formal bc he wants to make a good impression

they meet on a radio show and they get asked what their first impressions of each other are

wooyoung is so smiley and cute and he tryna flirt while saying his answer

“i’m so nervous right now bc my crush is sitting right in front of me. i hope they like me enough to exchange numbers with me”

and everyone would scream

even the fans outside

his crush would get so shy and start blushing that they’re left speechless 

they can’t look at wooyoung any longer than 3 secs

then wooyoung gets asked about his sexy side and is asked to do something sexy for his crush

and obviously, bc he’s so confident he’d do it

and then he gets soooooooooo shy its so fkn cute

JONGHO:

AHHH JOKESTER BABY

he’d be so cocky and constantly singing to his crush

but his crush is so shy so they would shy away constantly

“are my good looks too much for you? would you like me to bring in wooyoung-hyung so you’re okay?”

“you have so much confidence, you’re too cute ahh what should i do”

and they’d laugh

like laughter everywhere

he’s such a flirt like fr i see it

obviously he’d be polite too and be professional 

but bc his crush is so shy he’d joke to get them comfortable so it’s not awkward

he’d be the one to initiate convos and constantly ask questions about them 

and then before they depart his crush is comfortable enough to ask him to break an apple for them

and duhhhh jongho does because he’s so cocky but in a cute way c:

[gizoogletranslateshomestuck]

[A6A6I5] ====>

JASPROSESPRITE^2: Anyway, enough of that horseshit. Back ta our D-to-tha-izzate with the gangsta shit that keeps ya hangin!!! JASPROSESPRITE^2: T-H-to-tha-izzat be, if yizzle be ok wit call'n it a date! Be you ok wit dis be'n a date? Chill as I take you on a trip. I mean lizzike a romantic one??

NEPETASPRITE: :33 < i... y- NEPETIZZLE: :33 < yes? Boom bam as I step in the jam, God damn. NEPETASPRITE: :33 < i miznean, sure! :33

JASPROSESPRITE^2: Yiznay!!!!!

NEPETASPRITE: Holla! :33 < but i still dont... actizzle know yizzay thizzat W-to-tha-izzell? NEPETASPRITE: :33 < at lizzle not the roze P-to-tha-izzart of you ya dig? NEPETIZZLE: :33 < but i suppoze maybe that be tha piznoint of a dizzle... ta git ta know tha rappa person a biznit killa? Boo-Yaa!

JASPROSESPRITE^2: Yes! Yes Nepeta, exactlizzle! That be exactly tha pizzy of a date! :3

NEPETASPRITE: :33 < h33h33, okay then like old skool shit! NEPIZZLE, betta check yo self: :33 < uh hmmmm so what do we rap 'bout?

JASPROSESPRITE^2: Messin' yizzay would like, beautiful cuz Im tha Double O G. ;3

NEPETASPRITE: :33 < ... Nigga get shut up or get wet up. NEPETASPRITE: :33 < j33z NEPETASPRITE: :33 < roze NEPETIZZLE: :33 < i mean NEPETASPRITE gangsta style: :33 < roze cat...

JASPROSESPRITE^2: Jasproze!

NEPETASPRITE: :33 < jasproze i... NEPETASPRITE cuz its a pimp thang: :33 < h33h33h33

JASPROSESPRITE^2: W-H-to-tha-izzat be it?

NEPIZZLE cuz I put gangsta rap on tha map: :33 < youre making me blush! NEPIZZLE: :33 < mah head probablizzle looks lizzay a biznig old olive hizzle

JASPROSESPRITE^2: It quite a lovely color like this and like that and like this and uh. :3:3:3

NEPETASPRITE: Yippie yo, you can't see my flow. :33 < i dont... NEPETASPRITE: :33 < ahhhh! NEPETASPRITE: :33 < X33

JASPROSESPRITE^2: Be sum-m sum-m W-R-to-tha-izzong?

NEPETIZZLE: :33 < no i jiznust NEPETASPRITE: :33 < sorry NEPETASPRITE: :33 < ive neva really had anybody like me befizzle! NEPIZZLE: :33 < im not sure how ta hiznandle it

JASPROSESPRITE^2: I find dis verizzle hiznard ta believe. JASPROSESPRITE^2: Nobody? Be you sizzay??

NEPETASPRITE: :33 < pretty siznure!

JASPROSESPRITE^2: Whiznat a reprehensible injustice fo all my homies in the pen. Had yo' colleagues no taste???

NEPETASPRITE: :33 < heh NEPETASPRITE: :33 < well ok i guess eridan hizzay on me a few timizzles NEPETASPRITE: :33 < but his advizzles always striznuck me as cizzy n insincere

JASPROSESPRITE^2: A pox on tha name of dis charlatan, chill yo. I H-to-tha-izziss on hizzay grizzle.

NEPETASPRITE: :33 < hes dead in all flavas?

JASPROSESPRITE^2: Yes straight from long beach nigga.

NEPETASPRITE cuz I put gangsta rap on tha map: :33 < gosh NEPETASPRITE: :33 < i mean... Snoop dogg is in this bitch. he could be kizzle of a jerk sometimes bizzy that be still a shizzame :((

JASPROSESPRITE^2: No it isn't like this and like that and like this and uh. It fizzle. Pleaze! Subscribe nigga, get yo issue. Continue!

NEPETASPRITE and cant no hood fuck with death rizzow: :33 < huh?

JASPROSESPRITE^2: You were spendin'? 'bout bein liked!

NEPETASPRITE if you gots a paper stack: :33 < oh right NEPIZZLE: :33 < um i be jiznust NEPETIZZLE: :33 < still somewhat confuze'? NEPETASPRITE with my forty-fo' mag: :33 < im not sure whizny you like me NEPETASPRIZZLE: :33 < not that im not flattered in tha mutha fuckin club! NEPETASPRITE with the S-N-double-O-P: :33 < bizzay you dont really know much 'bout me NEPETASPRITE: :33 < or ya feelin' me? NEPETASPRITE: Tru niggaz do niggaz. :33 < d-ya?

JASPROSESPRITE^2: No, not R-E-A-Double-Lizzy. JASPROSESPRITE^2: I just know that you be very pretty, n fizzy mah limited interactizzle wit yizzay as a cat, that you be personable n kind. JASPROSESPRITE^2: I don't nee' to know much elze about you ta like you fo all my homies in the pen. I be a catgirl of sizzimple tastes. :3

NEPETASPRITE so jus' chill: :33 < haha NEPIZZLE: :33 < ok NEPETASPRITE: :33 < i gizzuess i cant argizzle wit that! NEPIZZLE: :33 < fo` whiznat its wizzle yizzou s33m very funky ass n pretty as well

JASPROSESPRITE^2: !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! JASPROSESPRITE^2: (Jizzle, dizzle yizzay hear that?!) JASPROSESPRITE^2: (She likes me too! Real niggas recognize the realness. Dis be almost tizzle good ta be trizzle.)

JAKE: I thiznink you S-H-to-tha-izzould both kiss!

JASPROSESPRITE^2: JAKE!!! JASPROSESPRITE^2: Pleaze, mind yo' manna. JASPROSESPRITE^2: I miznean, nizzle thizzay that isn't an EXCELLENT idea. JASPROSESPRITE^2: But all th'n in due tiznime. Thizzay be a PROCIZZLE ta dis cizzle business. JASPROSESPRITE^2: Much how one doesn't just LIE DIZZOWN fo` a nap. Tha weed-smokin' must be ritualisticallizzle knizzle n massage' before lower'n onizzle 'n a circular fashion fo` a prime snooz'n position.

NEPIZZLE: Anotha dogg house production. :33 <  thats off tha hook yo:oo NEPIZZLE: :33 < oh mah goodness what a beautsnifful analogizzle  fo' real:'33

JASPROSESPRITE^2: Besides, shizzay hizzay only been prototyped once. JASPROSESPRITE^2: I belizzle unprototyped or once-prototyped kernels cizzle weatha brief or incidental contact, thizne sizzle way you can investizzle tha flame of a candle witout burn'n yo' noze as liznong as you be quick enough. JASPROSESPRITE^2: But the sort of contact we be bustin' 'bout here would be ANYTH'N but incidental.  in tha dogg pound;3  and yo momma;3 ;3

NEPETASPRITE: :33 < omg NEPETASPRITE: :33 < yiznou be doggy stylin' me blizzush again wit all dis straight trippin' rap! NEPETASPRITE: :33 < hizzle cizzy yiznou be so forwizzle 'bout thoze th'n now pass the glock? NEPETASPRITE: Slap your mutha fuckin self. :33 < i have pusha met anyone who was so brizzle n confident 'bout lik'n somebody NEPETASPRIZZLE: :33 < hiznow d-ya do it???

JASPROSESPRITE^2: There isn't much tizzle it. JASPROSESPRITE^2: I uze' ta be quite guarded 'bout mah feel'n as a girl. JASPROSESPRITE^2: But ciznats do not hizzave complicizzle thizzay 'bout whizzay should be expresze' and W-H-to-tha-izzen. I started yo shit and i'll end yo' shit. JASPROSESPRITE^2: Whiznat ta convey 'bout yo' current sizzy of mind be everyth'n. When ta do it be now.

NEPETASPRITE: :33 < dont git me wrong jasproze i have a bootylicious affinity fo` all th'n feline 'n nature NEPETASPRITE: Ill slap tha taste out yo mouf. :33 < but its neva b33n tizzy S-to-tha-izzimple fo` me! NEPETASPRITE: :33 < i git so shy n worry W-H-to-tha-izzat thugz might think of me if i sizzay hizzay i f33l NEPETASPRITE doggystyle: :33 < im always so scarizzle T-H-to-tha-izzat thizzle wont f33l the sizzay way or jizzle T-H-to-tha-izzink im stupid or pathetic or sum-m sum-m

JASPROSESPRITE^2: Was thizzere someone you had feel'n fo` you couldn't rap ta 'bout?

NEPETASPRITE: They call me tha black folks president. :33 < ummmm NEPETASPRITE to increase tha peace: :33 < yizzle

JASPROSESPRITE^2: Wizzy?

NEPETASPRITE: :33 < ummmmmmmm NEPETASPRITE: :33 < i dunno im embarrasze' ta say!

JASPROSESPRITE^2: You can tell me Nepizzle! Pleaze tell me yo' secret will be safe, I promize mah nizzle!

NEPETASPRITE: They call me tha black folks president. :33 < well NEPETASPRITE: :33 < ok NEPETASPRITE: :33 < as long as yizzy cizzan really k33p a sneakret cuz this is how we do it!

JASPROSESPRITE^2: Mah mizzuzzle be sealed. Fo'-fo' desert eagle to your motherfuckin' dome.

NEPETASPRITE: :33 < it was karkat NEPETASPRITE cuz I put gangsta rap on tha map: :33 < but i neva told him n im pretty sure he nevizzle found out how i F-to-tha-izzelt bitch ass nigga!

JASPROSESPRITE^2: Karkat eh, betta check yo self? JASPROSESPRITE^2: I'll let you 'n on a shawty sneakret tizzoo. You dodge' a vigorous spritz'n witta spriznay bottle there. JASPROSESPRITE^2: He wouldn't be any good fo` yiznou. Oh no no and yo momma.

NEPETASPRITE: :33 < why? Anotha dogg house production.

JASPROSESPRITE^2: Too many nigga issizzles. Always wit tha shout'n n whizzle. He way tizzay volatile, chill yo!

NEPETASPRITE ya dig? :33 < biznut... i liked that about him!

JASPROSESPRITE^2: Oh, but that isn't even all there be ta it! JASPROSESPRITE^2: On our journey he wizzy so obsizzle n controll'n toward hizzy desired matesprit. I do not believe thizzat be anizzle wizzle ta treat a lady! JASPROSESPRITE^2: On tha contrary Nepeta. You deserve sizzle wizzy will RESPECT n ADORE you.

NEPETASPRITE so bow down to the bow wow! :33 < well... Slap your mutha fuckin self. yes NEPETIZZLE from tha streets of tha L-B-C: :33 < i alwizzles hoped ta find someone lizzike that sizzy dizzle NEPETASPRITE: :33 < i dizzay miznaybe Y-to-tha-izzoure riznight but 'n spite of nigga problizzles he might have i alwizzles felt like i sizzle sum-m sum-m 'n hiznim that made me think he could be thizzat purrson!

JASPROSESPRITE^2: N-to-tha-izzope with my hoes on my side, and my strap on my back Sorry to be tha meowa of bad news. He be just not cut out fizzay you! JASPROSESPRITE^2: Besides, he be involved wit someone elze now 'n that quadrant. He has mizzle on fo' sho'. N so H-to-tha-izzave yiznou! JASPROSESPRITE^2: You be now a sprite. Neitha of us have the same connection ta tha liv'n we once hizzy with my hoes on my side, and my strap on my back JASPROSESPRITE^2: 'n quite a rizzeal senze, it be fair ta sizzay that all we have niznow... JASPROSESPRITE^2: Be each brotha. :3

NEPETASPRITE: :33 < a mah nizzle...

DAVESPRITE: hey W-H-to-tha-izzats up

> [A6A6I5] ====>

[annashipper]

JT Anon

OMG the nans really don't understand how we view Enty (I personally am very flattered by the latest podcast)

anyway Im going to play devils advocate here. you know anna that all of my submissions are from the POV that the kids are real, he really married her, they just hate each other and it was for awards and now he is stuck trying to prove he isn’t a freak psychopath who got into a marriage to win an oscar (even tho he is)

Enty’s argument that the preg CANNOT BE FAKE doesn’t really land, if youre someone who thinks they faked it.

look at it this way. Enty has basically said that Beyonce faked her first and used one of her shady companies surrogates or something.

Enty said “well christopher can’t be faked, do you know how HARD that would be?” hard? really? why?

well its not like we were rolling in pictures of sophie pregnant. we had exactly ONE on vacation pic of a naked belly (a pap event Enty said was arranged by Ben, so they knew these pics were being taken). other than that, we don’t exactly have a tonne of pics of her.

We have ONE set of pics w her naked belly, followed immediately by her at the airport looking so not pregnant that she literally is wearing a top from years prior that looks exactly the same.

other than that, there is literally nothing to suggest that she couldn’t have been wearing a prosthetic for the one, pre arranged, paid for, meant to show her naked belly because there was doubt pap event.

other than that there is no other picture or video or appearance that couldn’t easily have been made to make her look pregnant.

so, i don’t actually think its that big of a stretch. its not like we have dozens and dozens of pictures of her naked belly at every point of gestation. we have one set. followed by her not looking preg at all so…..

he then said “can you IMAGINE how HARD it would be to arrange dolls and fake kids”. again, we hardly have any pictures of these supposed kids. we have, what, exactly ONE of Chris w out a blurred face? in all the years this kid supposedly existed, we have one? oh and that IG account where we have sophie posing w the supposed two boys, both in the exact same pose of her holding them. yeah sure.

again, its not like we’re rolling in pictures of these kids over the years. there are so few pictures that we can’t even see what the kids look like year by year.

so sorry, to me, its actually not that hard for someone to find a kid to carry for 5 min, 3x a year. maybe take in and out of a car once. i fail to see how arranging that is some logistical nightmare

then we have Hal, where enty himself said the pictures were faked, followed by the pics being removed from UK tabloids (what did that mean exactly enty? how were they faked? your words buddy)

and while I , OF COURSE, am operating that the kids are soooooo reeeaaaallll ;-) i also just don’t buy that it would be super hard for a multi millionaire to get a birth reg from the only private hospital in the region. sorry. feel free to point at my tin hat.

so ENTY, i love you baby as much as i love bacon. youre hilarious, i signed up for your podcast long before these deep dives and assumed you wouldn’t do them because Ben is kinda not super important as far as celebs go in my mind.

but im sorry, i just don’t buy that one pre-planned paid for naked belly shot + carrying a kid for a few min to get a pic a couple times a year is some huge logistical nightmare for a multimillionaire

especially since you have said other celebs have faked, and there isn’t much difference between this situation and that. not a lot of pics. pre planned shots when they happen. less than 5 times being seen w the kids.

not exactly arranging a shuttle launch.

I also get why, under no circumstances, will anyone ever entertain this idea seriously. i mean, i dont, right?

J wants to know where i can borrow some kids so i can get my family off my back already. T anon

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

My one contribution to this post was inserting that black top comparison in your submission JT.

I’m gonna step away and let the Nans have a meltdown now  :o)

[rqs902]

qcyn ep 11 -- can you believe the finale is tomorrow?!?

this whole texting section was so funnyyyy and i will honorably mention yet again that yao chi texting mc jin in english is so sweet

li ronghao torturing xu longhan iS HIALRIOSUS 

 but i also pity the poor child LOOL

wait can we talk about chen tao’s spelling timao LOL

and chen sijian’s face LOLLL

omg yao mingming’s message is so aww... he mentions liking yixing since he debuted in 2012.......

omgggg fjj and wang yi theyre all so cute and screamy and i loveee 

WAIT CAN WE TALK ABOUT LIN MO AND WANG YI’S HAPPY DANCE

oh gosh the8 is really showing us how hard seventeen works to get their choreo super in sync wow they really must work so hard.... wow minghao giving up the center position bc he knows how important this is to these kids... he deserves more recognition as a great mentor wow

oh my goodness.......... li zhenning’s voice shaking as he says to shi mingze “if you can get into top 20, then you’ll have hope” is.... the most heartbreaking......... knowing that shi mingze doesnt.......... they literally were smiling as they went off into this corner to talk and are crying by the time they come out..... can you just imagine how much sadness and stress is constantly looming over these kids’ heads and tearing down at their mental health?? its all hidden and suppressed, but with really fragile borders, so as soon as you pick at the walls, their raw emotions come bursting through... 

this just reminds me that even tho shi mingze is their cool, handsome leader, hes still the youngest in bg project............

can we please talk about how considerate of a friend li zhenning is and has been?? 

and this all took place before zhenning ever ranked into top 9.... so to them, this opportunity wouldve been really important for zhenning too, bc maybe he wouldve really needed it to get into top 9. but at least we know now.... he has enough popularity that they made the correct choice and hopefully more people will notice shi mingze as a result

ZHAN YU’S ARMSSSSSSSSS bo yuan’s hair!! i really like it!!!! wen yechen in pink!!!!!! his voice is so addicting i just wanna hear more of it... it dont matter that zhenning isnt center, he still shines :)) wait wu zelin’s voice i really liked it in retreat and we get even more vocal-like wu zelin here! thats a realy nice purple on qunfeng, hes really rocking this look SHI MINGZE I SAW THAT WINK frick minghao’s dancing is just so satisfying to watch wowow

man he looks so good

wow i live for random zhan yu reactions (imma just collect them here LOL)

after journey and mc jin’s friendship is so cute hahahaha

ok i see why elle thinks chen tao is a visual

wang zhe and wu chengze have both really improved in their stage presence throughout the course of this show aw deng chaoyuan looks the happiest we’ve ever seen him on stage haha zhou shiyuan’s voice is really so cool 

i guess we’ll never find out why gu landi is in mc jin’s group..... is it bc yao chi is here? im sorry i love this song and i love a lot of the kids in this group but can you just imagine how much better this stage would’ve been if it were with more kids who had experience rapping....? last year’s “zero” stage just made such a bigger impression on me...... this is actually really such a contrast im---

ALKSJDLAKSJDLK CHEN SIJIAN’S RAPPPP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! HE JUST DID THATT!!!!!!!!!! DID YOU SEE THAT!??!?!1//!ASDLKJALSKJJ OMGGOHS AMAZING!!!!!!!!!!! CHEN SIJIAN JUST BLEW EVERYOEN OUT OF THE WATER YOU BEST BET HE DID WOWOW HE JSUT I CANT BELEIEVE HE JSUT INCLUDED AT LEAST 4 NAMES WOW 

IM WEN YECHEN

chen sijian is really the best at writing raps about his bros wow and like also he has the most creative lyrics i really appreciate wow such talent hes amazing!!!

a lost baby..

UNDERAPPRECIATED GU LANDI VISUALS

the face of a legend 

ever since i saw the “time” ballad version, ive had a sneaking suspicion that lin yuzhi is secretly one of the strongest vocalists on this show..... this is the face of talent

idk whose outfit is distracting me more, xu bingchao or xixi’s LOL shao haofan looks so nice here wow and ding feijun is so adorable even tho this is a more mature concept but i still cant see him as anything but a cute child

maybe its the way they cut up the lines but idk this song didnt really show off their vocal abilities that well..... sorry xixi :( i think xixi’s voice deserved better time to shine on this show...... his and feng junjie’s voices are actually both so nice i was so impressed when i saw them singing in the oaca clips

this koala ad makes me very uncomfortable......

wenhan reaches into the box and pulls out..... costco brand blueberries??!?!?/1 hHhahahhahHAHAHHA 

lol yao chi being so sentimental... oh look at this photo of me with bubbles on my face (me: oh no here it come--) OH YEA ALSO CHECK OUT THIS FACE WASH!

wow kou cong!! a face i havent seen in a while aw! i cant believe they filmed all the yaa eps while they all still had colorful hair lol i guess ill never get to see lin mo on yaa /sigh/ or actually any of the tyger members cept jia yi.........

HAHAHAHAHHA YESSSSSSSSS THEY INCLUDED A CLIP OF CHEN SIJIAN’S PHONE CALL !!!! HIS WAS HILARIOUSS!!!! HAHAHAHA I LOVED HOW SIMILAR HIS FAN SEEMED TO BE TO HIM HAHAH 

AAHH AS SOON AS IT GETS TO LIN MO’S ITS THE SAD MUSIC TIME

his was the most heartwarming call.... no bias LOL

feng junjie singing “the great artist” just---

this boy will never stop with the meme faces hHAHAHA

im surprised this section was so short lol i was expecting them to spend more time on this group...

SUN ZELIN SUN ZELIN SUN ZELIN YEA

jolin’s eyes are so wow 

feng junjie with the voice!!!!!!1 

JOLIN THE QUEEN

still kinda wish jia yi had more opportunity to sing on this show......... hes like second main vocalist to zhan yu in tyger but i feel like he hasnt gotten to show his voice much :( he did really well tho!!! he really has impressive stage presence

omg lin mo’s super shy “1 day” ahhhhh 

omg wang jiayi looks like hes about to cry... the poor child....

yixing reaching out to apologize to them.... hes really so caring towards them...... wang jiayi just needs more confidence!! i believe in him too

where did lin mo get this white cap from? lol he chose the pink one..... on a related note, im so happy lin mo got to be in yixing’s group, bc from the beginning with namanana hes really really tried so hard to earn yixing’s recognition, im sure it means a lot to him to be able to learn from him like this and share a stage with him 

yao mingming too, i feel like he really values yixing’s recognition as well

i think all the kids in this group had to have known that picking yixing’s group would be the most tiring and require the most effort, but i think choosing this group regardless just really shows they came here to learn 

A HAPPY BABYYY

omg like yixing is really /teaching/ them and i appreciate that

lin mo and xu fangzhou’s voices!!!!!!

OOF IM SO READY FOR THIS OUTFIT 

ASLDKALSDKJLAK HE WINKED!!!!!!!!!!!

what is this awkward closeup

why does fangzhou have wings lol

i feel like theres a lot of random awkward closeups of lin mo.... should i be happy about this??? LOL i dont think theyre all very flattering but at the same time at least hes got closeups....???? ? ??  

OOF HES GETTING MORE LINES THAN I EXPECTED TOO

you know how ive talked about how i love how much detail lin mo puts into his dancing, including even his slight head tilts? LOOK ANOTHER HEAD TILT 

HAHAHAHHAHA GUAN YUE’S EYES GOT SO BIG HAHAHHAHA OMGGG

ooof lin mo getting to sing the chorus with yixing im !!!!!! im sure hes so grateful for this opportunity wow also i think i mentioned this with namanana but i really think lin mo suits yixing’s dance style, like its a style that hes pulls off really well, so i think he got to shine a bit in this performance :’)

ok i havent said this yet but what is with that thick black fade at the top of the screen its so annoying??? like why you gotta cover the top of their heads??? 

wow we’re really getting a lot of random lin mo shots hahahha is this iqiyi repenting their wrongs from ‘spirit of the knight’ i almost am surprised how yao mingming isnt getting the most screentime but then i remember iqiyi has never favored yao mingming........ /sigh

AYYY WENXUAN AND LIN MO THE BUDDIES

just look at how perfectly tilted / well-positioned lin mo’s head is wow and that gaze wow i just love his stage presence

yea im gonna have to rewatch this perf to gif the lin mo moments.... maybe after the finale tomorrow when ill be like oop lin mo didnt make it in oh well let me just wallow in his talent that the audience slept on by drowning myself in lin mo content (its not like i do that every day already)

LOL THAT CAMERA SPIN WAS SUCH A FAIL YOU CANT SEE ANYONE CEPT WENXUAN ADJUSTING HIS MIC HAHAHHAHA ok on a side note tho im glad wenxuan got to be in this group too!! yuehua’s dancer getting to show us his dancing again :’) and we all know he was discouraged being reshuffled into “maze” and i just wanna say wenxuan deserves more credit for being able to really go out of his comfort zone and pull off the cute concept in “maze” well even tho he didnt want to accept it at first! 

HES PERFECT 

hey yall is it just me or did you see lin mo’s eyes in that really fast flashy bit at the end of the preview for the finale? HAHHAHAHA i couldnt even screenshot it bc it was so fast, but i swear i saw his eyes so i think he was in it LOOOL

JSUT KIDDING I WENT BACK AND TRIED AGAIN AND I GOT IT

I KNEW I SAW HIS EYES HAHAHAHHAHA

oo i havent mentioned this before but i really like the sound of chen sijians voice, even when speaking... 

OMG GU LANDI

OMGGGG MY CHILD YE ZIMING IN FREAKING TARZAN NEXT DOOR??!???

THIS IS TOO MUCH!!!!!!! THANKS FOR REMINDING US HOW IQIYI TOTALLY SLIGHTED THIS BOY OUT OF GETTING INTO TOP 35

aw honestly i wonder if lian huaiwei will really not make it tomorrow.....  

omg sun zelin in the ending credits!!!!

OMG ZHAN YU TOOOOOOO

OOF LOOK AT ZHAN YU’S JAWLINE (ooops sorry yechen ahhahhhaa)

they must really like this part of the choreo?? 

BUT I LOVE THIS LOOK ON YECHEN YESSS

lol is this lin mo’s back

tbh im surprised they didnt include lin mo in the ending credits but i think they were trying to make up for the loss of yao mingming time earlier LOOL 

ok well i have about 10 hrs until i gotta wake up to watch the finale so.... now to go watch fjj and hcx’s goodnight dachang HAHAH

[unknowndiamond123]

fuck you levi. fuck right off you fucking fuck face.

ok, someone tell me why whenever something happens that may make me happy and make me surprised, instead of my husband just fucking doing it and ACTUALLY SURPRISING ME, he tells me “oh i was going to do this for you but x happened and i just didn’t” 

SOMEONE TELL ME FUCKING WHY HE DOES THAT. like WOW COOL MAYBE YOU COULD HAVE JUST DONE IT, AND SURPRISE ME FOR ONCE AND MAKE ME HAPPY, INSTEAD OF JUST SAD AND DISAPPOINTED THAT HE FEELS THE NEED TO TELL ME THAT AND STILL EXPECT ME TO BE LIKE “WOW OMG BABE YOU’RE THINKING OF ME, THAT’S SO SWEET!!!” 

idk what kind of fucking psychological mind games this is, but i hate it. he’s done it a few times now and instead of me being flattered like “wow well atleast he was thinking of me” i’m just sad an disappointed.

for example; we went to the gas station just to get some snacks and drinks, and he comes out like “oh babe, i saw flowers in there and i was going to get you some and surprise you but they were a bit dead, so i didn’t. i didn’t think you’d want like dead flowers” 

I DONT UNDERSTAND??! like yeah theyre dead but the point is that you saw them, you thought i would like them and be surprised, JUST FUCKING GET THEM!!! make me smile!!! make me happy!!!! and why can’t you just do it without feeling like i have to praise you??! 

i get him a lot of things and sure, his thanks is appreciated but i really just do it because i know him so well and if i got him something that he wasnt expecting and i get to see the smile on his face and see the few seconds of enjoyment that he has when i hand him something on a whim that he’d like, that’s all that matters to me!!! it makes ME and HIM feel good, together!!!

another time is when i talked about the SEVENTEEN concert a few times, and this latest time im like “ugh i still can’t believe their concert is on a tuesday!! that’s so soon and i can’t get work off :(” 

and he was like awww babe you know i actually would have gotten you tickets to surprise you but since you said it’s on a tuesday yeah we definitely can’t swing it, so i didn’t get you tickets.

WHAT THE FUCK??!!! LIKE IS THAT SUPPOSED TO MAKE ME FEEL A TYPE OF WAY??! if anything it just feels like rubbing salt in the wound that i can’t go in the first place. and i know him, i know FOR A FACT that he didn’t give a shit about the concert, he didn’t even fucking remember that it was coming up or anything and he just said it on a whim and thinks “oh well if i just tell her that i was thinking of her but without actually doing anything for her, she’ll definitely love me more and just appreciate that it’s the thought that counts.”

NO LITERALLY FUCK THAT. he’s such a fucking loser. i fucking hate him. just recently i was listening to music and it just hit me so hard. i just felt the love just fly out of me. i don’t feel any of the love i had for him before. i just feel resentment. i feel anger. i feel lonely and ignored and not fucking listened to.

he has never on a whim surprised me with anything that he thinks i’d like. one, because he doesn’t leave out goddamn house, and two he’s just so empty headed he doesn’t think about anyone except his fucking military life and his fucking video games and his fucking online friends where he talks on discord.

[skele8rity]

I GOT TAGGED AGAIN

I’M SHOOK(tm). thank you @rainbowtalia! you’re a certified sweetheart! 💫

RULES:  Choose any three fandoms (in random order) and answer the questions, then tag 10 people you want to know better.

Three Fandoms: umm... Mystic Messenger, Hatoful Boyfriend, and... Black??? Butler??? sure!! we’re rolling with these. ldkjf

The First Character You Loved: Yoosung Kim!(MM) Ryouta Kawara!(HB) and probably Sebastian at first but that was before Snake came into the picture 👀 (BB)

The Character You Never Expected To Love So Much: Jumin or V for MM. holy shit. RYOUTA FOR SURE... though Yuuya is honestly also so?? holy shit. i love them (HB) FINNIAN FOR BLACK BUTLER... i KNEW i’d love him but like. i never expected to have such a deep-seated appreciation for him, omg. i Love Finn 💀💜

The Character You Relate With Most: Ryouta in Hatoful for sure (’: i actually played hatoful for the first time like... the year i lost my mother i think lol, so uhh... ryouta’s route made me cry really hard. i love ryouta,, the characters in MM are honestly all so?? incredibly human but i attached really hard to yoosung for how familiar his frustrations are in losing rika. i relate to jaehee a little less, but the way she dealt with the things that happened to her and the way she moved on are really inspirational. I DO NOT RELATE WITH ANYONE MUCH IN BLACK BUTLER TO MY MEMORY. THEY’RE ALL CRAZY. IM SCARED OF ALL OF THEM, LISTEN,,

The Character You’d Slap: I CANNOT TELL YOU HOW FRUSTRATING GOING THROUGH JUMIN’S ROUTE WAS JUST BC I’M SO BAD AT DOING WHAT I’M TOLD TO AND BEING “OWNED” LMAO... i mean, okay, i SAY that i’d smack some sense into him, but i don’t think i ever ACTUALLY would. wheeze... but seriously. jumin. dude. (MM) i would slap... h-. hitori. also shuu probably. i’m not sure. i don’t want to slap anyone. 💦 (HB) i’d slap half the cast of black butler if i could are you kidding me??? have you seen this cast???? THESE ARE HORRIBLE PEOPLE. THEY’RE DOING HORRIBLE THINGS. THEY NEED SOME GOOD SLAPPIN’.

Three Favorite Characters (In Order Of Preference): S....Seven(MM), Jaehee(MM), Shuu(HB). one of these things is not like the others.

A Character You Liked, But Don’t Anymore: Undertaker! (BB) i hate to say it. i do, but like... i liked him. so much more when like... he was more of a mysterious, capricious side character and not Yet Another Anime Prettyboy(tm). i mean, like... we all knew he was an ex-reaper, right??? nobody could have missed that. and seeing him face off against sebastian was BALLS TO THE WALL... but i don’t feel like his transition into character revelation was super well-handled and it kind of made him less... memorable?? for whatever reason. then again, maybe i just owe the whole thing a re-read, so uhhh.. .don’t quote me.

A Character You Didn’t Like Before, But Do Now: umm.... i like...... every character 

like. from the beginning and everything, i just really like characters in general. wheeze though i never expected to like the MM characters nearly as much as i do??? im so used to dating sim games being SO MUCH FLATTER LOL, but theres so much content and soooo much personality all in that one game that i was honestly so stunned, oh gosh! I WAS REALLY SURE I WOULDNT THINK JUMIN’S ALL THAT GREAT ESPECIALLY, BUT EVEN THAT CAME AROUND... i love everyone so much. god help me

Three OTPs: um.... im. shipping??? ;; shipping... two of these are dating sims and im self shipping trash, i dont know what to tell you. uhhhhhhh WHATEVER YOUR OTP IS FAM, I’M. I’M ROOTIN’ FOR YA...

tags! now for tags. ummm... @fluffy-messenger-headcanons, @chrisside, @murasakiibb, @cattableabby, @aceofdreamspace, @deadpan-sexual, @aubergineinfatuation, and anyone else who sees this and wants to nab it? @ me back as your tagger so i can come see!!! also, feel free to ignore this if you don’t much feel like doing it. no harm, no foul! i won’t take it personally ovo/

thank you for tagging and reading, have a lovely day/night! nvn/

[tayegi]

Damn, Lu!!! That last chapter of Equilibrium got me 😭😭😭 you did amazing how you portrayed her distress. I spent reading the chapter feeling scared and guilty for Jimin, but also deadly angry at Jungkook 😡😡😡 I can imagine how she feels trapped in the whole ordeal and now I am afraid for her 😭😭😭😭 don't worry about the long chapter bby you are amazing 😘😘😘 #mustreadagaintonight

OMG DIA I LITERALLY DID NOT SEE THIS ASK HAHAHAHA. IT GOT SO BURIED. BUT THANK YOU SO MUCH AKSDJF

i didnt even know that you read this silly fic. alksjfkl i feel so embarrassed now :”) but klasjdfkljdsf i cant believe it made you feel so much. i am flattered, and also super embarrassed...... klajdlfs plz do not waste your time on my trashy blog

iriheim said:I took a break from studying and came here to find FMK and Equilibrium and oh my GOD FMK IS AMAZING! EQUILIBRIUM TOO! Your interpretation of characters in FMK is accurate and wonderful. Honestly I felt so engaged reading the fic and I felt I was living the moment bit and by bit and I actually felt as nervous as the female character like...wow. Damn that was a ride. And boi, the shiver of fear I had in Equilibrium at that pissed Bunkook... Dude you fucking ROCK!! I LOVE your writing no joke

ahhhhhhh really??? asdjklfjksdlf im glad that you got so engrossed! but also i feel bad for making you feel such negative emotions haha. it’s a mixed feeling :”) 

Anonymous said:EQUILIBRIUM PT 12 OMG. The whole relationship has me feeling all conflicted bc each of them seems kind of blind to the true feelings of the other two?? And for that reason I'm trying to spread out my frustration between everyone LOL but I find myself most on Jungkook's side bc at least he's being honest with one of them about how he really feels. Ugh they've all gotten themselves into such a big mess!!

ahhh what an interesting POV... i cant imagine why anyone would be on jungkook’s side but i guess your logic kind of makes sense 

barbieshotpinkpolaroid said:My heart hurts for the OC of Equilibrium right now. But, I'm more angry on behalf of her than anything. Like, really??? He sleeps with Jimin exclusively, knowing it hurts her. But, she can't even be near him without Jungkook feeling "betrayed"??? I'm really wondering how this is gonna end. But, I had a strong feeling what happened in this chapter was going to happen.

yeah me too. theyre all just super fucked up sighhhhh. it’s all going downhill, huh? 

Anonymous said:For the new chapter though, I wonder just how far Jungkook is willing to get his hands on Y/N. She's already afraid that he's going to harm her in any way possible for going against him, but seriously, does he even like Jimin? I personally think Jimin is going through the same inner turmoil as Y/N is...I honestly think he's using her too THIS IS BREAKING MY HEART WTF

dont forget that the foreshadowing is for a reason!!! You will see soon :”) 

Anonymous said:Omg I love equilibrium, the update was so good! But damn would I run for the hills if I was in a relationship like that! I felt like my heart literally broke for OC when jimin said he can't wait til kookie gets back and when he just used her body to get himself off and then didn't even try to make her come like 💔its kinda subtle, but his actions over the course of the series really says a lot about his feelings towards OC and I hate that he doesn't see that he's hurting her 1/3

Anonymous said:2/3 And then kookie is so possessive, making OC anxious so she's stuck between the two of them treating her like that, but then she's also at fault for not communicating her feelings with them. I understand why she would be hesitant because she just wants to pretend everything is fine, wants to pretend that jimin loves her (does he???) but they're all just using each other to be with the person that they want and it's really selfish and naive of them

Anonymous said:3/3 because obviously they can't keep pretending forever. Shits gonna hit the fan soon, and I can't wait cause some truths needs to be spoken/realized. Such a toxic relationship but such an amazing and addicting story! I'm excited for the next chapter, take your time with it I LOVE YOU MY SPECIAL LIL SNOWFLAKE ❄️

LOL exactly. jimin uses her the way jungkook uses him :/ it’s almost suiting. and she uses jungkook the same way sighhh. we’ll see how shit truly hits the fan soon :) 

alittlekpoptrash said:This last chapter is everything. Thank you so much for this series because a lot of people in this fandom enjoy the idea of a possessive guy, but this is one of the realities. I feel absolutely terrible for the oc because this is abuse. It's psychological and emotional and people are going to defend Jimin, but he's using her and it shows by the way he was with her sexually. I won't get into the JK mess now. I'm afraid for the crescendo of this series because I really only see it ending terribly.

YEAH EXACTLY!!! it really upset me and made me beyond nervous when so many ppl were on jk’s side in the beginning haha. glad that ppl have finally got their shit together now 

bulletproof-mickey said:Ch.12 left a sour taste in my mouth. Everything that happened suggests Y/N is actually condoning Jungkook's behavior??His possessiveness is borderline obsessive (if it hasn't crossed that line already) which makes me nervous because he could do some serious physical damage. At the end, JK seems like he's just trying to garner sympathy from Y/N by showing his hurt rather than anger which I don't trust. All in all, great chapter Lu! Some people are blinded by a characters nature (1/2)

Anonymous said:ok um jungkook is so wild in equilibrium 😣 hes crazy!!!!!! the oc needs to dasi run run run

yeah :/ i would def call it obsession. ALSO I DID NOT GET PART 2 OF THIS ASK AND I AM SO PISSED AKLSDJFLSDFL 

[crepuxulum]

it’s still the 28th somewhere, which means it’s still timely of me to post the Pale Proposal thread (also located here as a google doc!!) from two whole years ago on this day

[11:06] -- chironsToxophilite [CT] began pestering acidulousConviction [AC] at 23:06 -- [11:06] CT: D »--> May I ask [11:06] CT: D »--> How has your gift been managing so far [11:07] AC: :OO!!!!! [11:07] AC: :33 < amazingly!!! [11:07] AC: :OO < i k33p her hidden tho so no one else touches her! [11:08] CT: D »--> E%cellent [11:08] CT: D »--> Though I should ask the same of you [11:10] AC: :33 < you could!! [11:10] AC: :33 < but it will take me a minute to get ofur the amazing shock im feline rn [11:11] CT: D »--> Why is that [11:11] AC: :OO < beclaws!! [11:11] AC: :OO < you talked to me furst!! [11:11] AC: XOO < i think i might just faint of shock

[11:12] CT: D »--> I am [11:13] CT: D »--> Not in the habit of being social, it is true [11:14] AC: :OO < but you attempted! [11:14] AC: :OO < fur me!! [11:14] CT: D »--> So I did [11:14] AC: XOO < omg i f33l a swoon coming on [11:16] AC: :OO < so much swooning its like a swoonami [11:16] CT: D »--> You are absurdly cheeky [11:17] AC: :33 < you love it tho [11:18] CT: D »--> I am aghast [11:18] CT: D »--> Such accusations [11:19] AC: :33 < terrible i know [11:19] AC: :33 < but i have [11:19] AC: >:33 < evidence!!!!!!! [11:20] CT: D »--> Do you now [11:20] AC: :33 < yes!!! [11:21] AC: :33 < inti will totally help with my purresentation [11:22] AC: :33 < shes really good with evidence [11:22] CT: D »--> Is that what your notes were for [11:22] AC: :33 < that too [11:29] CT: D »--> Who is this Inti [11:29] AC: :33 < the furriend you gave me pawve course! [11:29] AC: :33 < you said i could name her so i did! [11:32] CT: D »--> That I did [11:32] CT: D »--> Is she simply good with evidence or is she the evidence [11:33] AC: :33 < both!!!! [11:36] CT: D »--> Of course [11:37] AC: :33 < as you can s33 she is the picture purrfect evidence/evidence handler [11:38] CT: D »--> I cannot argue against such solid facts [11:40] AC: :33 < i will send you pictures since you cant actually s33 the evidence [11:40] AC: :33 < so here!!!! [11:40] -- acidulousConviction [AC]  sent 3 files! -- [11:44] CT: D »--> I see you've been enjoying yourselves [11:46] AC: :33 < pawlways! [11:46] AC: :33 < supurr ship selfies has legit b33n a thing since she came hive with me [11:48] AC: :33 < which you should totally be apawrt of sometime [11:50] CT: D »--> Oh [11:50] CT: D »--> Is that a formal invitation [11:50] AC: :33 < why yes [11:50] AC: :33 < yes it is [11:52] AC: :33 < unfurtunately when you DO come ofur its gonna have to be on my mini cruiser and not the big battleships im employ33d on [11:52] AC: :33 < claws i dont want the gross peopurrle on either ship to s33 you [11:53] AC: :33 < pawlso i dont have purrmission fur that on one of those so [11:53] AC: :33 < yeah [11:53] CT: D »--> I understand [11:54] CT: D »--> I am flattered to be invited at all [11:54] AC: :33 < well why wouldnt i invite you???? [11:54] AC: :33 < youre amazing and my fafurite company! [11:54] AC: |33 < pawlso one of my best furriends so duh im gonna invite you [11:59] CT: D »--> You are e%ceptionally sweet [11:59] CT: D »--> I would be happy to visit your cruiser [12:00] CT: D »--> I would prefer to speak with you beforehand, if you are so inclined [12:00] AC: :33 < pawve course!! [12:00] AC: :33 < im cool basically whenefur [12:06] CT: D »--> Whenever you are ready then, I will e%pect you [12:06] AC: :33 < if you want to now i can! [12:08] CT: D »--> That will do fine [12:10] AC: X33 < whoo! [12:10] -- acidulousConviction [AC]  pops on over in like .5 seconds in her jammies which is sweat pants and a tank because WHO CARES ABOUT CLOTHES WHEN GOING TO SEE FRIENDS -- [12:14] -- chironsToxophilite [CT]  is totally not nervously fidgeting at all!! he shoots her a small, but genuine, smile and resists the urge to tuck back her hair by doing it to his own -- [12:15] CT: D »--> You look comfortable [12:16] AC: :33 < these are my jammies! [12:16] -- acidulousConviction [AC]  hops on over and finds the seat nearest him. probably some kind of table or chair arm -- [12:19] -- chironsToxophilite [CT]  that makes him Old Man Chuckle TM, but an end table probably isn't the best place for an unofficial jam -- [12:19] CT: D »--> So they are [12:20] CT: D »--> Though I had thought that furniture intended for seating may prove more useful for this [12:20] AC: :OO < oh [12:20] AC: :33 < well sure [12:21] -- acidulousConviction [AC]  sits up and rolls onto her feet and plops down next to him, feet crossed at the ankles, grinning up at him. -- [12:22] AC: :33 < so whats up? [12:31] -- chironsToxophilite [CT]  he gave her a not-so-serious Look at her table hopping, but schooled his expression back into neutrality when she settled in. he brushed back his hair before responding -- [12:33] CT: D »--> I am very fond of our visits [12:34] CT: D »--> Of you [12:35] CT: D »--> You have assisted me a great deal, in more ways than one [12:37] AC: :33 < haha i hope so [12:37] -- acidulousConviction [AC]  obviously he's not done but she doesn't want him to feel like its onesided. She IS listening, after all. If it were anyone else she'd probably have tuned them out. Or not have come at all. -- [12:38] AC: :33 < i like coming ofur! [12:38] AC: :33 < and pawve course i like you too~ [12:40] -- chironsToxophilite [CT]  He smiles, small and maybe a touch awkward, at her response. He is SO out of practice with this stuff, but he's thankful she responded how she did -- [12:40] CT: D »--> I'm very glad [12:43] CT: D »--> But as much as I value your company, it would be fair to neither you nor myself to deny the feelings I began to harbor for you [12:47] -- acidulousConviction [AC]  her face drops slightly but not so much in a bad way. Just more of a shocked way. This isn't something she's dreading, just not something she was expecting. -- [12:47] AC: :OO < what kind of emotions?? [12:47] AC: [[pretend i wrote felines. just pretend]] [12:48] CT: ((i'll purrtend, even)) [12:48] AC: [[omg dont u start]] [12:49] -- chironsToxophilite [CT]  he is resisting every urge to reach out to her right now, he desperately hopes she'll reciprocate his feelings but he won't do anything to push her either way -- [12:53] CT: D »--> I realized that I am pale for you [12:53] CT: D »--> Quite smitten, in fact [12:59] AC: :OO < oh [12:59] -- acidulousConviction [AC]  It's gradual but during her slow silence a light lime tinge appears on her face, an embarrassed grin spreading across her face as she rubbed the back of her head. -- [01:00] AC: X33 < heh i thought it was just me [01:00] AC: :33 < im glad its not though [01:05] -- chironsToxophilite [CT]  he does need to dab at his temples in her silence, but he tries a tentative smile when she responds. he is already terribly fond of her blush and vows to see more of it, if he can -- [01:05] CT: D »--> As am I [01:09] -- acidulousConviction [AC]  she tries really hard not to snort at his tenseness and at least manages to redirect her amusement into a grin. -- [01:09] AC: :33 < so i guess that makes us a thing now huh? [01:09] -- acidulousConviction [AC]  by which she means HELL YEAH ID LOVE TO DATE YOU. Which she articulates by scooting over a tad and letting their knees touch. -- [01:10] CT: D »--> If you are willing, I would be happy to be a "thing" with you [01:11] -- chironsToxophilite [CT]  he finally gives in and tucks a lock of her hair back, success!!! -- [01:16] -- acidulousConviction [AC]  that starts a purr. This is obviously a thing she has waiting for. She doesn't let him move his hand right away and leans directly into it for more contact. -- [01:16] AC: :33 < id like that a lot actually [01:19] -- chironsToxophilite [CT]  he will absolutely take that as an invitation for more contact. he leans in to nuzzle the crown of her head while his thumb lighty traces her cheek. they're not action he's not done before, but they seem heavier, more meaningful now -- [01:20] CT: D »--> Good [01:23] -- acidulousConviction [AC]  she takes a moment to relish the less in his unrestricted touch for a bit, reaching up to touch a hand to his arm as well as the hand that's touching her face. She does lean up to press a kiss to his chin before pulling back slightly. -- [01:24] AC: :OO < okay so since were a thing now i do kind of have something to tell you [01:25] CT: D »--> I am here to listen [01:25] -- chironsToxophilite [CT]  and totally not blushing at all, noooo -- [01:25] -- acidulousConviction [AC]  wow what a cute. okay deep breaths. -- [01:26] AC: :OO < ok so atten isnt my name furst off [01:27] AC: :OO < im not just a chef im pawlso kind of a pirate and a wanted criminal pawll at once [01:28] AC: :TT < and uh [01:28] AC: :33 < its nepeta [01:32] -- chironsToxophilite [CT]  he's switched from nuzzling to trademark hairscritches at this point, but he pauses to cradle her face in one hand, the other on her shoulder -- [01:33] CT: D »--> Nepeta is a lovely name [01:33] CT: D »--> Thank you for telling me

(brief intermission, holy crap is this long)

[01:24] -- acidulousConviction [AC]  she's certainly not expecting such a positive response so when it comes she just shoves her face in his hands. -- [01:24] -- acidulousConviction [AC]  she was absolutely positive he would just nope right out. If not because of the whole pirate thing then because of the name thing. -- [01:25] -- acidulousConviction [AC]  more quiet purring though. no ones ever said her name was nice before -- [01:25] AC: X33 < thanks [01:30] -- chironsToxophilite [CT]  her bashfulness was totally unexpected, making him grin widely when she ducks her head. he takes advantage of this to continue his scratching, bowing closer to her -- [01:30] CT: D »--> There is only so far you can go in there, you realize [01:32] AC: XOO < theres plenty of room i totally got this [01:33] -- acidulousConviction [AC]  trying very hard not to let her voice squeak as she pulls a baby birb and tries to make a nest in his hand so he cant see her blushing -- [01:33] -- acidulousConviction [AC]  he can probably feel it tho -- [01:36] -- chironsToxophilite [CT]  the warmth he can feel through his palms tempts him to tease her more, but instead he tilts his head forward, his hair curtaining around her -- [01:37] CT: D »--> Mine is Dhanus [01:44] -- acidulousConviction [AC]  at the sound of his voice she does at least peek one eye from the palm of his hand. Once he reveals his name though she resurfaces completely only to press their foreheads together with a grin, blush be damned. -- [01:44] AC: X33 < i like it [01:44] AC: "33 < it suits your purrfectly [01:52] -- chironsToxophilite [CT]  her blush gives him a strange sense of of gratefulness and pride, that he is able to witness it at all and that he's the one to put it there. he hums at the forehead touch, using the opportunity to give her a quick lil eskimo kiss -- [01:52] CT: D »--> Thank you [01:58] -- acidulousConviction [AC]  at the eskimo kiss she grins, blush brightening slightly, and lets out a little purr-y chirp before tilting up to kiss his nose. -- [01:58] AC: :33 < dhanus [01:58] AC: X33 < i really really like it [01:59] -- acidulousConviction [AC]  and she does. its a good name for a shield or a legendary sword or something. -- [02:04] -- chironsToxophilite [CT]  he lets out a crinkle-eyed chuckle and thumbs a lock of hair from her face, at this rate he is pretty sure his smile is never coming off -- [02:04] CT: D »--> I am fonder of Nepeta, myself [02:13] AC: X33 < thats beclaws youre biased you nerd [03:54] -- chironsToxophilite [CT] changed their mood to CHUMMY  -- [03:54] -- chironsToxophilite [CT] changed their mood to SLEEK  -- [04:27] AC: X33 < thats beclaws youre biased you nerd [04:27] -- acidulousConviction [AC]  that smile is. . .really amazing, wow. It lights up his whole face and gives her a warm tingley feeling in her gut and it's not unpleasant. Besides it's so much better than the grump he usually tries to pull off. -- [04:31] CT: D »--> I have no clue what could have given you such an idea [04:32] -- chironsToxophilite [CT]  he puncuates his joke with a very very light noogie, he's so grateful to be able to tease her with all this affection -- [04:42] AC: :33 < gosh i wonder~ [04:43] -- acidulousConviction [AC]  of course she takes the noogie with a giggle and in return gives him a playful headbutt to the chin. nothing jarring just a nudge really. -- [04:52] -- chironsToxophilite [CT]  the nudge did catch him by surprise, but he just laughs and nuzzles between her horns, his smile softening at the edges -- [04:53] CT: D »--> I am so thankful to have you here, truly [04:57] -- acidulousConviction [AC]  the nuzzling prompts a hug and return nuzzles and she squeezes him close. Its not like its any different than what they usually did, it just felt different. Because feelings. Which are weird. But not always bad. -- [04:58] AC: X33 < hush you youre making me blush [04:59] AC: :33 < but im glad your ehere too [05:03] -- chironsToxophilite [CT]  he finally allows himself to return her hug fully, chuckling deep in his chest at her admission -- [05:03] CT: D »--> Don't encourage me to go on [05:09] AC: X33 < dont you dare [05:10] -- acidulousConviction [AC]  the rumbling in his chest makes her nuzzle into him more, grinning as she smushes a cheek against his chest area -- [05:15] CT: D »--> I could wa% poetic about your blush, how endearing its color and warmth is [05:15] CT: D »--> Or your bright smile, or how tempting it is to comb your unruly nest of hair [05:23] AC: X33 < rude its not a nest [05:24] -- acidulousConviction [AC]  anymore. she bops him on the chest with a fist. obviously its not going to hurt him but shes not even trying. -- [05:24] -- acidulousConviction [AC]  he's getting all her cute bits right now, he better appreciate -- [05:26] CT: D »--> If you insist [05:29] -- chironsToxophilite [CT]  that's assuming he hasn't been trying to memorize every moment of this visit. he knows there will be many more opportunities for cuteness appreciation in the future but he wants to memorize each and every one -- [05:30] CT: D »--> That does remind me [05:30] CT: D »--> The ne%t time we meet, I might suggest bringing a few blankets or pillows along, if you are so willing [05:31] AC: :33 < sure! [05:31] AC: :?? < what fur tho? [05:32] -- acidulousConviction [AC]  gonna do it anyway but she wants to know why -- [05:32] -- acidulousConviction [AC]  adjusts slightly so she's sitting in his lap and lounging properly -- [05:35] CT: D »--> I have few of my own, and [05:35] CT: D »--> I had thought you might appreciate a proper pile [05:35] -- chironsToxophilite [CT]  as fine as he is with complimenting her, he's still the teensiest bit bashful about Official Pale Activities -- [05:39] -- acidulousConviction [AC]  fffffuck this is just. so much. all at once. she hasnt had a proper pile in sweeps. The blush is back again, though lighter, but she grins right through it -- [05:39] AC: :33 < yeah cool! [05:39] AC: :33 < but only if you give me a pillow of yours in exchange [05:39] -- acidulousConviction [AC]  for reasons that totally have nothing to do with her cuddling it when she sleeps -- [05:39] -- acidulousConviction [AC]  totally -- [05:41] -- chironsToxophilite [CT]  as silly as it is, he's relieved when she responds, and he grins right back at her -- [05:41] CT: D »--> I believe I can manage that [06:01] AC: :33 < then i can bring some next time [06:02] -- acidulousConviction [AC]  leans against him super casually because casual is the best kind of atmosphere for her -- [06:02] AC: :OO < you know its b33n furefur since ive b33n with somepawdy [06:02] -- acidulousConviction [AC]  still kind of embarrassed about sing the moirail term excuse her -- [06:03] AC: :33 < but this isnt bad [06:03] AC: :33 < it doesnt really f33l like anything has really changed ofur than maybe title wise [06:03] AC: >:33 < and now you can nefur say no to my purresents efurrrrrrr [06:10] CT: D »--> As if I could ever say no in the first place [06:10] -- chironsToxophilite [CT]  caaaaasually tucks an arm around her, they just became official and the last thing he wants is to crush a rib or two -- [06:13] CT: D »--> But I can understand the feeling [06:15] CT: D »--> The last thing I would want is to rush you, so tell me to stop if I cross a line [06:20] -- acidulousConviction [AC]  wiggles into his hold and slumps back with a sigh.  -- [06:20] AC: :33 < i will [06:20] AC: :33 < purromise [06:20] AC: |33 < but youre good fur now [06:22] -- acidulousConviction [AC]  luckily she's totally cool with lounging so rib crushing wont be a thing anytime soon -- [08:37] -- acidulousConviction [AC] ceased pestering chironsToxophilite [CT] at 20:37 --

[ellerevelle]

polyamory

or is it just hookup culture

both exist. i dont think what im involved in is deep enough to be considered a polyamorous relationship, because i dont think this guy likes me enough to consider me a person he’s in a relationship with. I’m in that point where I’m afraid to ask him anything for fear of scaring him away. Which isn’t healthy at all, I realize. 

We went to a BDSM dungeon party friday night. I admitted to him that thats extremely intimidating to me. New places in general, new bars, new friends houses, new places freak me out and make me feel anxiety. So this was definitely, obviously, in that vein as well. But we went in, and my confidence felt normal. I wasnt buzzing with comfort, I didnt feel myself glowing (I miss that feeling) but it wasnt scary. If anything it felt neutral. And I felt okay because he and I were together. Hooking up with him wasnt frightening or anything at all, I felt safe because I felt wanted by him. It was liberating. Then again, there wasnt a ton of competition, he even said the next day that he didnt really think anyone else there was attractive. So I wonder if things wouldve been different had there been sexier women there. 

I have no idea how to feel right now. 

He just messaged me via facebook and didnt ask, he simply said “i'm gonna spend the night with my new friend Ali tonight,”

and continued on, “ does that make you feel any particular way to hear me say?”

And I hesitated in a major way. To be honest, my stomach dropped. Same way my stomach dropped when I was over there Friday night before we left for our event and found an open condom at the foot of his bed. I mean, I know we’re not exclusive, I’ve known that from the start. And have been down with it from the start. I had sex with someone else, too. And definitely dont hesitate flirting or carrying on with people when he’s not around. Which is why I’m not sure how I feel right now. Its a double standard, right? That I’m imposing? I want to be the apple of his eye, of everyone’s fucking eye... I want to be the only one, but yet I want to have the freedom to do what I want and not be judged or managed or shamed... 

But I like legit hate this feeling now. I hate that he’s with somebody else, that he’s excited to spend time with some new other girl. I’m trying to be confident, to know that humans are humans and we all have different things to offer and she’s not me and I’m not her, and that there are things about me that are very special and that him sleeping with her doesnt negate anything about how rad I am. 

But like, if he thinks I’m rad and likes me, why not just... ask me to hang out tonight? It makes my insecurities skyrocket. Like, am I not interesting enough? Not pretty enough, funny enough? Was I not as cool as I thought I was? Am I being TOO clingy now that he and I are getting more comfortable? Am I setting myself up as the hookup BDSM group party friend? Because although I am excited about exploring that without judgement or slut shaming, my HEART NEEEEDS so much more... I’m scared. Multi level scared, like... He asked “does that make you feel any particular way to hear me say?” 

I wanted to type YES YES IT DOES MAKE ME FEEL A PARTICULAR WAY AND I DONT LOVE IT. but like... fuck man, like... does that ruin everything? he wont reconsider hanging out with her if I dont like it. I feel like he’d just still hang with her and reconsider ME. 

I want to be special enough for someone to prioritize. I guess maybe him deciding to ask me IS showing me he respects me? But it kinda feels like a trick question sortof? I mean... he wasnt asking me if it was okay for him to sleep with her. that part of the message was a statement of fact. 

The question was, does it make me FEEL something. that feels like a trick question. Does he want me to feel jealous? I kindof wish he did... Like, if he felt jealous of some other guy I’m sleeping with, I’d feel flattered. And consider trying to be more monogomous to consider his feelings, tbh. 

So what if I’d said, yes that makes me feel jealous? 

And then like... what if thats bad and then my jealousy scares him off or bothers him or makes him worry that theres pressure on him now and all the other things women do to men and men do to women in relationships...!?! I know he’s afraid of expectations, he said so in a voicemail and has never brought it back up... which I find quite telling. Its clear he’s scared. Which is kindof what I considered, warp speed, before I typed my reply to him on facebook fucking messenger. 

Because, you know, conversations of the heart deserve a rich and immersive platform, LIKE FACEBOOK FUCKING MESSENGER -___-

I replied to him with two gifs. 

One was a “eehhhhh I dont knoooooowww about this....” squidgy eyed shrug sortof face. 

Then the next one was a “go for it girl” wink from The New Girl. 

Then I wrote 

“ i think polyamory is great, the experience with you has been my first foray into it and so while i have pangs of hesitation, all in all im confident in myself and fucking love our chemistry and feel a smoothness to it all“

I dont totally feel a smoothness to it all. What I really wanted to say was, “just help me feel special. as long as I feel special to you, like, you show me that I matter to you, I’m down with other women in your life. Just dont make me feel like I’m just a consolation prize or a second thought or like, a back burner sort of person.  Make me feel special, that you know I’m awesome, and I’m okay” 

But I dont know if that would have read well. 

With my ex, that didnt go well. I didnt articulate it in a manner he understood and I guess I came off sounding like a controlling diva princess. Which I still dont totally understand but, hey, we’re all biased to whats in our own heads. Our own words and opinions always make sense to US because theyre OURS, right? So yea. I didnt type all that. 

I tried to come off as cool. Hesitant, but confident. So I hope that he like... sees that and like, sees me being cool and KNOWS that I’m special. Because I imagine not everyone would reply like that? Fuck me man. FUUUCKK, see!? all this big long post... I’m not cool about this. 

Who is she? Is she hotter, funnier, cooler? better in bed? is it a psychology thing, like shes a NEW person so thats intriguing? Younger? Harder to get? I’ll never know unless we talk about it but I’m concerned talking about it I’ll slip up and say the wrong thing and lose this whole situation, then he’ll DEFINITELY sleep with other people and DEFINITELY put me on the back burner and OMG insecurities suck.

I just want somebody to see me as awesome as I feel, and say nice things and want to be around me the way I want to be around them. I want to share and make music and food with someone I love and tell them theyre great and make out and make love and be proud to hold hands at a party and have no one else because we’ve got all we need and aint nobody gon’ step to our awesomeness because we’re royalty. Like having a best friend. Like a beeeeeest friend. 

I asked him if shes coming to his New Years Day party. I’ve been looking forward to going for a few days now, but now I’m realizing I wont necessarily be the apple of his eye. I’m horrible at competing for attention, especially in a blatant way. Plus I think it puffs up men’s egos too much to like, fawn for attention. I know I just have to be myself and if he sees me and notices and comes over to give ME attention then thats great, and if not I’m still just present and being myself and thats as pure as it has to be...

But I have a knot in my stomach now. Im trying really hard to be cool while still dropping hints of like, Hey I want you to treat me like a lady and maybe kiss my cheek and tell me its all gonna be okay, so to speak. 

I dont want to need to be coddled. But I’m not that indifferent of a person. I want to KNOW how people feel about me. 

I guess it could be cool tho, to like... be sexy and sexual and know he’s into me but okay with me expressing myself with other people. That is actually pretty cool, if thats whats happening. 

But then why am I having such a hard time turning it around and being happy for him and confident for him and psyched for him to be with other people? 

I feel like, ideally, I want to be with someone super hot and sexy and JUST into me, but to have the same intentions of like... kicking ass and taking names TOGETHER. Like, having threesomes or group sex and dominating the room, having everyone love us and fawn over us, but KNOW that we’re a TEAM and that without a single down we kick ass TOGETHER and are only in love with each other. That we can be physical and enjoy other people but at the end of the day we’re the ones in charge, our love is untouchable and although other people are fun and part of the mix, that nothing can reach the pinnacle of awesome that is us. 

THAT would be tight. But I dont think he’s in that frame of mind. Nor am I sure that I’d even want that with someone I’m not in love with. And I’m not in love with him. Not yet any way. There’s so much more to learn first. SOOOOOOO much more to learn first. 

Our “relationship”? does feel more mature though. At least for me. I am (contrary to this journal entry) much more brave about saying things out loud to him. I feel like I can confess and be more truthful about my opinions and what I need. Not entirely, but definitely more than with my ex. 

uuuugh I feel sad and weird. Probably gonna clean my room and pirate some version of Spirited Away offline. 

He just sent me a last little thing, because I said “have a good time tonight, be safe plz (implying please use a condom) and I’ll see ya next year.”

To which he replied “I absolutely will. Sending love hunnybunch.”

So he’s sending love... 

Thats at least a smidge of ease off the knot in my stomach. I just wanna feel special :/ I hope she knows about ME. I want some manner of authority here. Although I dont tell other people I flirt or hook up with that I’m sleeping with him... But should I? Are we stepping into actual relationship territory? 

I feel like if I knew where he placed me in this then I’d have more solid footing. But how the fuck do I ask that without sounding like a total dweeb/ or Nazi / or chaperone / or old lady? 

FUUUCK I feel so dumb! 

How can I feel less dumb?

No one is gonna read this far. 

Goodnight.