#I DIDNT EAT BREAKFAST THIS MORNING
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A STUDENT BROUGHT ME BREAKFAST 🥺🥺🥺💗
#nina speaks#food tw#WHY DID I START CRYING#THIS IS SO FUCKING SWEET#I DIDNT EAT BREAKFAST THIS MORNING#AND I NEEDED COFFEE SO BAD#ACTUALLY AN ANGEL THAT GIRL AND HER MOM#THEY WERE WORRIED ABT ME
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sometimes I'm like ohhhh is it really fair to say that I was starving as a teenager and then I remember eating raw spinach and beet greens all the time that I would get from my volunteer work because I couldn't afford actual food. literally just remember eating straight up spinach from a bag on the bus. HOW DID THIS HAPPEN
#txt#when i was a kid too i was hungry a lot cuz my mom didnt really give me breakfast or snacks for school#i did eat food in the morning at school sometimes i guess but not like all the time#id be so hungry i drew food on paper and ate it. i also ate grass and daisy petals. SOMEONE PLEASE TELL ME THIS WAS WRONG
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I was so upset this morning that when I put my laundry in the wash I fucking forgot to put in any detergent or anything. I just fucking washed my laundry with plain cold water. bye.
I'm not even redoing it whatever it's just two blankets
#started my morning with my friend criticizing my breakfast and arguing with me about food 🙄 I DIDNT ASK...#im so sick of people criticizing the way i eat its literally been happening my whole life im so tired of it... MIND YOUR BUSINESS!#and like it's never from a place of 'you should eat better for yourself' it's literally always just making fun of me.#yayy finch reaction gif at least#and at least my parents are always nice about it. to them i eat healthy lol#i live with them so if they were critical of it i think I would just like. combust or something.#food mention#caitiechat
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sometimes i don't feel anything sometimes it feels like when they turn on a humanoid robot in movies and my brain feels like it's awake suddenly
#it's just weird#(i didnt take my pills this morning because im stupid. i need to take my thyroid treatment then wait 30 minutes to eat. so i thought?#might as well work out during that time. and then shower because i hate being sweaty. and then only have breakfast#which is when i should take ritalin bc otherwise im nauseous af. but i had to call the water company so instead i didnt work out#didn’t eat breakfast#and didn’t take my pills#i've just eaten something for the first time today and it's almost 3pm 💀)#ANYWAAAAAAY at some point i'll get better soon hopefully but so far its helping#slowly but surely
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i had enchiladas today actually Highlight of the day probably. doctors appointment went fine got to sit outside and draw for like an hour after and hung out with my friends at home yeah yeah whatever I GOT MEXICAN FOOD OUTTA MY DAD 'CAUSE HE DROVE ME HOME BABEYYYY
#biggest draw of going places with my dad is the possibility of free food. its not all the time but its pretty likely if it lines up with a-#-mealtime#in this case he picked me up at 4:15 which is kind of a food time. afternoon snack time. but he asked if i'd eaten and i had Not i just had#some fig bars for breakfast. due to aforementioned inability to eat much in the morning#but my commute to this 3:00 appointment started at 12:15 so i didnt eat at ALL at all#so yay enchiladas for me#posts
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im so sick of being sick hhhhh
#this is all tmi but#i had diarhea three times today and i didnt eat anything bad. i had eggs and cabbage for breakfast#pasts for dinner and a cheese sandwich for dinner#yesterday i felt okay in the morning when my stomach was empty#but then i ate and then bam. pain and nasea. i woke up at 6 am to shit and then after that it was still bad#until my stomach was empty again#but i cant just NOT eat yk? idk anymore#idk if its stress or what. cant go to a hosppital due to money hhhh#the dib speakz!!#agony#dib death journal#<- one day this tag wont be funny
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Ok so apparently it's not normal that whenever someone goes to a restaurant and I'm with them, I expect them to get just themselves food and then we leave. Like if you get me food or ask if I want anything I will in fact look at you like you're a stranger who just walked up and offered me a 100 dollar bill
#what can i say im just used to getting nothing#both my parents and my older sisters would go to get food and basically never get me anything#if i did get anything it also wasnt 'what do you want' it was 'heres what im getting you youre welcome'#lol and i was okay with that? guys. guys am i supposed to raise my standards#is this like. am i not respecting myself enough#like this is me having gottwn much better too. i used to be even worse#if i went to your house and you let me sleep on something that wasnt the floor i would stare at yoy in shock#i was mentally incapable of comprehending that i could get whatever i wanted off of a menu#one time my friends mom actually yelled at me because she took me to dunk8n donuts and asked what i wanted#and i froze up so bad that i just couldnt say anything because i didnt know what she meant#i was like 'oh you dont need to get me anything' 😭😭 and she INSISTED she had to get me something#for context i mustve been like 9 and i had NEVER had anyone ask my what i wanted before#i also was so prepared to just skip breakfast due to the anxiety of this situation#turns out having kids skip breakfast is also not super normal? me and my sisters usually wouldnt eat breakfast#especially on sunday mornings before church because there was snacks there
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restrain self from making strangely detailed 2ptalia just to have context for the weird worldmix scenarios with 1p
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i am the worlds most normal man
#i wish i had a sandwich every morning that i didnt have to make#i wish i could eat those cup eggs every morning and not get sick of them#i say things#im so lucky my cat likes me and hangs out with me#when will my dads get home#i have to put gloss finish on my dresser but i dont wanna its scary#i dont wanna freak it#i feel so much better when i make myself good eggs for breakfast but that takes effort🗿🗿🗿🗿🗿🗿#im so ired#senshi. save me senshi
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to be quite honest i'm not entirely over having my teenage body scrutinized and deemed overly scandalous and inappropriate at various times by insane staff and faculty in evangelical high school for existing in leggings or a dress. just things i'm thinking upon and getting enraged over this nye. imagine having a normal body image
#couldn't wear leggings or tight pants in the cult school and once was pulled aside by a male teacher who told me my shirt was too low#(the shirt had literally been given to me by the dorm dean) full offense but i hope he dies painfully#and then at the next (liberal by adventist standards) school had dress check every fri night and sat morning to go to mandatory church#in last two years had a fully evil head dean who pulled me aside on my way to sunday breakfast to look at my ass and tell me no one wanted#to see that and when we had (also mandatory) 'banquets' instead of prom she told me at the (mandatory) dress precheck that the dress i#borrowed was too tight around the armpits (?) and i needed to fix it (i just hiked it up higher when i had to walk past her to leave and#she didnt notice) i dont even remember what kind of dress it was#this woman was so cartoonishly evil. people whose skin i would rip off and burn in front of them#also if i were skinny u know none of these evil motherfuckers would have looked twice#i literally will never be able to afford enough therapy to fix the damage these people + my mother did to my self image....anyway#oh plus purity culture..........wow its crazy how my eating habits are abnormal idk why#i hate adventists sm#wait im not done. this woman also put up a sign on the front doors of the dorm about how us girls have to 'protect the men of our campus'#by not wearing leggings etc. die in a fire. ok im done#me#ed tw#(?) just in case#ex sda
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i have midterms on friday and saturday •_•...... will someone pls order a hitman on me
#i almost died this morning cus i overslept didnt get to eat breakfast then missed the bus and had to walk to the train station#and it was way hotter than i thought 60 degrees in march??? so i was covered in sweat by the time i got to campus#and the i felt really dizzy and chugged my water bottle#all for a class that we basically sat in silence for typing up peer reviews and then i went right back home 🧍
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me when. did i eat today?
#genuinely dont remember#there are no dishes in my couch spot and i dont remember taking any to the sink except my coffee cup this morning#and i know i didnt have breakfast bc i had coffee first and that usually means i get nauseous and cant eat#and i dont remember having lunch bu that doesnt necessarily mean i didnt?#but no dishes over here#so idk#its dinner time so if i havent eaten today ill fix that its just weird lol#im usuallly better than this#dont wanna go back into That headspace is all#tw ed#ed tw#tw disordered eating#<- just in case#words from my weird little brain
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at uni i befriended a couple ppl but theyre all asian so sometimes we'll just be hanging out in a group and suddenly they just start speaking mandarin to each other so i just kinda stand there and then suddenly they like ask me a question as if i know wtf they were talking abt and it just makes me feel rlly shitty
#am i overreacting????????? because like it rlly makes me excluded and like they just dont want me there#and this morning when i went for breakfast they were already there but nobody msged me asking if i was coming with them or anything#so i feel like they wanna just get rid of me#plus while i was eating breakfast they all got up and said they were going into town to buy boots but they didnt ask me if i wanted to come
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OH MY GOD SPNTV OMGOMGOMGOMHKMGKFJSJSJSHDHHDBDBRBRBRBEBEBBEHEHDJDJSJWBEHHDJSWNSBBDHDBDBDBD
#when i tell u i woke up this morning and SCREAMED#i didnt see the news till like i was eating breakfast#and i was freaking out in the middle of a restaurant#GAHHHH IM SO EXCITED I KNEW ITTTTT#THE CLOWNING WASNT ALL FOR NOTHING#taylor swift#speak now taylor’s version#speak now#mae-rants
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i think december 2021 was just kind of an insane time of my life in retrospect. bc i was very very very sick with a nasty sinus infection, to the point that i couldn't focus my eyes or talk, and i was either throwing up or dry heaving almost nightly for a few weeks. and my brain had just been completely broken for the past 2 months, i'd been on an emotional rollercoaster and at the time i had no clue why. crying at work, freaking out all the time, just completely out of control.
but i was also on vacation.
we went to nashville first but really all we did there was go to a subpar indian chinese restaurant, and then whole foods, about five different urgent cares (the first four turned me away for having covid symptoms even though i'd tested negative), a vegan bakery (which was next door to the urgent care, since there was an hour wait), and then CVS before we hit the road for atlanta. i had to get a steroid shot in my butt. i hate needles i have a phobia but it did help the symptoms a little bit. the meds they prescribed did nothing, so by the time we got to atlanta, i was better but still coughing up a lung every night.
it was an unfamiliar city, it was december, it was still warm somehow, it was 6 pm pitch black out, i was having random crying meltdowns in the hotel room and having these incredibly vivid and detailed dreams where i'd try and fail to kill myself. i remember i ate hot pot for the first time in years and it was wonderful. i went to ponce city market and got wildly existentially frustrated at a paper shop and then experienced transcendent joy at another shop where my mom got me a cool pendant and i got her a toy penguin.
i was also inexplicably obsessed with watching dumb edits of bad and boujee:
i dont know i was just thinking about this because migos came up on my youtube recs and now whenever i listen to them im just mentally transported to the absolute vibes of december 2021
#cactus.txt#things have been better since then LOL i rarely get sick anymore and figured some brain stuff out#also i remember on the way home from the road trip we got five guys at like 5 or 6 pm#and i was SO looking forward to eating it but just didnt get hungry enough to stomach food#and then i fell asleep in the back seat around 11 pm and then woke up at midnight and woke up again when we got home at 4 am and#i was RAVENOUS for that hot dog#and i was so mad bc id wanted it the whole ride but wasnt hungry#and now i was too sleepy to eat#ended up eating it for breakfast the next morning with some sushi grade raw salmon. was good
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There is nothing more lame of an attempt to dunk on polytheists, magicians, witches etc. than calling them LARPers bc yeah technically all religion and spirituality is a LARP if you want to put it that way yes people reconstructing and practicing sometimes thousands of years old religious practices is LARPing bc we can't exactly go back to antiquity can't we 🤷
#its like that one tweet where that guy asked a bunch of ppl how they would feel if they didnt eat breakfast that morning#incapable of thought#polytheism#paganism#witchcraft#i hate the term larping so much lmbo
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