#I DID NOT CRY DURING SR 2

[taonpest]

Shout out to that time I mourned Umah's death for three days

[livwritessometimes]

Where's the Trophy? He Just Comes Running Over to Me (Part 2)

: Carlos Sainz, Oscar Piastri, Charles Leclerc

: Part 1

: Main Masterlist

: Author's Note - Here is the part 2. Let me know if you guys want me to do more fics like these. If you have any requests feel free to send em!!…Also lmk if you guys want to be added to the overall taglist

...

Carlos Sainz

What if I told you I'm back? The hospital was a drag

(Australian Grand Prix, 2024)

"What a performance!"

"What a comeback!"

"A Ferrari 1-2, headed by Carlos Sainz who wins the Australian Grand Prix!!!"

Y/n couldn't believe it. Standing next to Carlos' dad and cousin, she could feel the two pull her in for a hug. It was when she felt his dad wipe a tear from her eye that she realized she was crying. "I'm so proud of him," said Carlos Sainz Sr. 

She could see that very clearly. It was evident from the look on his face that he was proud of Carlos, and frankly, it was a relief to see that. The past few weeks have not been the best for all of them, especially Carlos, Y/n and his father. 

*past*

The day they got to know about his surgery, they all dropped everything they were doing to be there with Carlos as he got his appendix removed. 

The road to recovery had been tough. There were several speculations going on about Carlos not being signed again by Ferrari, so he did everything in his power to prove to everyone, especially the team, that he deserved the seat more than anyone. But as he got out of his surgery, the only thing he could think about was all the criticism he had received.

Y/n spent every second with him during his road to recovery. 

"You do know this isn't the end, right?" she had questioned Carlos the day before the Australian Grand Prix.

"Maybe, but it doesn't feel like that," Carlos said as he turned to face her on the couch.

"Need I remind you that you're the same Carlos Sainz who broke Max's streak last year after winning the Singapore Grand Prix," Y/n said with a proud smile. 

"And one of the 3 people who won a Grand Prix last year," she continued.

Carlos looked at her with a smile. "Yes," he said.

"Exactly, so why are you so worried about proving all the haters wrong? You have nothing to prove to anyone. So when you're out there in that car, the only thing you better be worrying about is not hurting yourself," Y/n said before she added, "because if you get hurt while driving, I swear to god the haters will be the least of your worries," she said as she slowly caressed his check.

"Yes, mi amor," Carlos said before kissing the palm of her hand that was caressing his cheek.

*present*

Standing with his family Y/n waited for Carlos to get out of his car. As soon as he got close to them, Y/n pulled Carlos in for a hug. "I'm so proud of you, Carlos; I can't describe just how proud of you I am," Y/n said, pulling him in closer.

"I can tell Mi querida, you're crushing me a little," Carlos said as he laughed, looking down at Y/n.

Wiping away the tears from her cheek, Carlos pulled her in for a kiss. "Don't you have a trophy to get?" Y/n questioned breaking the kiss.

"I do," Carlos replied before pulling her back in.

Standing on top of the podium, Carlos looked at his father and cousin, looking back at him with a proud look on their faces. He then looked at his girlfriend standing next to them, who was looking back at him as if he were the only person standing there, winking at her, Carlos stood straight for the national anthem. 

There was one thing clear now: no matter what happened, if he stayed in Ferrari or not, he would always have Y/n by his side, and that's what mattered at the end of the day for him.

...

Oscar Piastri

These blokes warm the benches We been on a winning streak

(Hungarian Grand Prix, 2024)

Oscar knows that he should be happy. He did it. He finally won his first ever Grand Prix. But he was feeling anything but happy.

The situation that led to this win made him feel uneasy. The messed-up strategy and the swap, all made Oscar feel like he didn't deserve to celebrate this win. To make things worse, none of his loved ones were there to witness this. His mom and sisters were back in Australia, Mark was travelling, and the person he wanted the most to be there, his girlfriend, was back home, probably watching the race in her 'I love Oscar' t-shirt that she got as a joke when he first signed for McLaren.

Driving to park at the spot for the Grand Prix winner, Oscar thought about what the news outlets have been saying about him. 'Oscar Piastri to Become the Next Face of F1' 'Future All-Time King of F1', Oscar let out a bitter laugh, remembering that. What is the point of getting better and better at every race if the first race you win, the one that you're going to remember forever, happens like how it did? 

Before he could even get out of his car, Oscar was congratulated by Lando. He could sense the tension between then. Oscar knows it's not their fault that there is this tension lingering between the two, but there was nothing that either of them could do about it. 

Smiling, he softly said, "Thanks, mate," before he got out of the car and towards the team. 

After being congratulated by the team, Oscar was making his way towards the cooldown room when he felt a tap on his shoulder. Turning around, he saw his girlfriend standing in front of him, and just as he had thought, in her 'I love Oscar' t-shirt. 

"What are you doing here?" Oscar said before he practically threw himself at her.

Laughing, Y/n hugged him back while replying, "I wanted to surprise you, but you surprised me instead," Y/n said as she pulled away.

"I can't believe you won!!!," Y/n said as she pulled him in for a kiss.

"Ya, neither can I," Oscar said.

"What's wrong? Why aren't you excited?" Y/n asked. She knew why he was like this. She knew very well what was going on inside Oscar's head.

"Nothing; it's just that this doesn't feel right," Oscar said. 

He continued, "Like winning your first Grand Prix is supposed to be a joyful occasion, but I can't help but feel like this win was given to me."

Y/n gently placed both her hands on Oscar's face, making him look at her, "Oscar Jack Piastri, don't tell me you're doubting your skills, definitely not after the way you raced today. You were absolutely amazing out there, and nothing can change that," she said.

"You deserve this win more than anything. I don't care what anyone says, but this trophy has your name written all over it. So you better go up there and celebrate like you believe in this win as much as I believe in it," Y/n said.

Oscar looked back at her, wondering what good he had done in his past life to have someone like Y/n in his life. 

"You hear me?" Y/n questioned, looking at him with so much determination that Oscar couldn't help but smile back at here after nodding his head.

"Yes, ma'am," he said.

"Good! Now quickly go; I have to facetime Nicole so she can see the celebration as well," Y/n said, giving Oscar a final kiss before making her way to get a better spot to see the entire celebration.

Covered in confetti and champaign, Oscar smiled as he saw Y/n and his mom on FaceTime, watching the entire celebration.

Oscar doesn't know if feeling like he didn't deserve this first win will be something he remembers 20 years down the line, but he sure knows that he will remember Y/n surprising him when he needed her the most.

...

Charles Leclerc

Where's the trophy? He just comes running over to me

(Monaco Grand Prix, 2024)

Charles finally did it. He broke the Monaco curse.

DNF in 2018

DNF in 2019

DNF in 2021

Strategy error in 2022

6th in 2023

Winning the Monaco Grand Prix almost felt impossible to Charles. Years of bad decisions had made him lose faith in himself.

Charles refused to believe in the Monaco curse. Because how can the place he loves the most, the place where he was born and raised, the place he was desperate to make proud, actually be against him winning?

He refused to believe in the Monaco curse. Because what if it is actually true? What if, no matter what he did, he could never win his home race? Charles refused to think about this, and this is what made him want this win even more desperately.

His entire family was there watching him, waiting to see him win. His brothers and their girlfriends were all at the edge of their seats as the last lap of the race began.

His girlfriend, however, remained seated. Y/n remained glued to the seat. She refused to move from her spot, fearing she might miss something if she moved even the slightest.

4 more corners to do. 3 more corners. 2 more corners. 1 more…

The entire area erupted into cheers. Lorenzo and Charlotte were hugging each other in disbelief of what they had just witnessed.

All the noises had faded for Y/n. All she could see was Charles; all she could think about was Charles. She could not express in words what she was feeling. Wiping away a tear that had rolled down her face, she was engulfed in a hug by Enzo and Charlotte.

Charles was not afraid to show his excitement as soon as he got out of the car. Screaming out of pure joy, he could not have felt more alive than he did right now.

Without removing his helmet or waiting for the photographers to capture him in the iconic number 1 position, Charles ran. It was as if his feet had a mind of their own.

Charles ran till he reached the area where his team was waiting for him. His eyes frantically searched the sea of red, trying to find the pair of eyes he desperately needed to see.

Suddenly his brother Arthur and a few of the team members parted to reveal a teary-eyed Y/n standing with the team.

Charles ran straight into her arms.

No words were exchanged for a few minutes. It was as if they did not need words to convey what they wanted to say.

Finally Y/n broke the silence, "You did it, Mon bébé."

"I did," Charles said, pulling back to look at her.

"You broke the Monaco Curse," Y/n said laughing, knowing that there was nothing anyone could say to Charles now.

"I did," Charles replied, still holding onto Y/n.

"Are you going to say anything besides 'I did' or is that all you know now?" Arthur chimed in after hearing his brother's exchange with his girlfriend.

Y/n laughed looking at Arthur before turning towards Charles, waiting for him to answer his brother's question.

"Marry me," Charles finally said.

Both Y/n and Arthur were shocked; none of them were expecting this. Arthur thought that his brother was going to follow the plan he, Enzo, and Charles had come up with for him to propose to Y/n. What he did not expect was for this brother to do it today.

Y/n, on the other hand, had not seen this coming. It was now her turn to remain silent for a few minutes. And these few minutes felt like hell for Charles.

"Yes," she finally said.

"What?" Charles asked.

"Yes! I said yes, I will marry you, Charlie," she said as she kissed Charles' helmet.

"SHE SAID YES," Arthur yelled to let everyone there know that his brother had not only won the Monaco Grand Prix but also got the girl of his dreams.

...

Tags: @wobblymug | @evasmlp

[magefelixir]

my notes i took for the show (edited for eloquence’s sake)

ACT 1:

right away the audience was on point. for the whole show everyone was laughing super loud, clapping, etc etc

everyone cheered for sky, and as a result brody broke character and did a small clap for him as well :,)

right before ggah steve and ponyboy dapped each other up

when the whole gang entered the house in RITF, someone (i believe steve, but i can’t remember) was carrying ace and she said “hey darrel :D”

after cherry poured the drink on dally, one of the soc boys yelled “GO BACK TO JAIL!” to him lmfaoo

”eat shit marcia” was unnaturally calm and it was kinda scary

far away from tulsa fucking destroys me every time.

i feel extreme pain everytime sky opens hos mouth omg

please pardon the dead meme but KWP put his whole bobussy into the drowning scene he was INTENSE

absolute chills on RRB what the fuck i mean i always do but. god.

intermission notes just cuz 😋

soo internet was super shitty

lindsay and i were looking for eachother but it took forever cuz the messages weren’t sending

i was in SRO and so it was super cramped during intermission cause everyone was passing around me

but lowkey i loves SR and almost more than sitting

i had insane view and i like standing

anyways i found lindsay and we had a super fun talkkk

SJFJFJ

meet ur mutuals guys 10/10 recommend

ACT 2:

HOLT FUCK OK

during JFT there was an insane marbit moment

marcia kinda like ran to two bit to check on him while he was getting jumped

but she got pulled back

and then two bit was like REACHING for her and screaming and he was getting dragged back due to him getting beat up

daryl. tofa. holy christmas

his guttural SCREAM

he’s everything

joshua boone ate up the “cop bastards lady bastards you keep moving” monologue

i genuinely got scared he was so intimidating

god bless whoever made daryl tofa sing hth. it was amazing

after johnny died pony was really quietly like

”johnny.. johnny.. oh oh oh oh no oh no”

and brody was like hand over his mouth shocked

before kneeling over

and then pony and soda were hugging eachother for most of the beginning of little brother

ohhh fuck my life

marbit moment in little brother? they like stared at eachother for a solid few seconds

dallys like battle pose while he was on the tracks

he was hitting his chest during “do it for ponyboy, do it for johnny cade etc etc” and then opening in anguish before balling them up into fists again

during ponyboy’s monologue you cod hear him silently sobbing

idk if it was acting or real but it HURT.

jason started actually crying during soda’s breakdown

brody sold the depression and grief so well that shit HURT

[actualbird]

do you think the nxx ever cries or just… don’t deal with their emotions in a healthy way? they must be so emotionally repressed!

im so sorry but this is worded in a way i find absolutely hilarious omfg. do they cry or do they suck it up til the end of time? KJAHVSJFHAVSLFSFKJA

i like to think they Do cry, but my god it takes a Lot. this goes for All of them. like, we've seen in canon when the nxx boys and rosa cries, and it's usually during/after very high stakes or very emotional situations. some examples off the top of my head are

marius cries in SSR Unconcealable, the card where mc gets KIDNAPPED and then both of them get TRAPPED IN A FREEZER FOR A HOT SEC

mc cries in SSR Peaceful Place because she thought luke got shot and DIED,

luke cries in his Blossom Chapter Personal Story 4 because he thought mc DROWNED AND DIED

artem cries in SSR Two Hearts as one because he got so emotional acting like he was choking mc

vyn cries in...well, several cards like SR False Tears and SSR Neon Melody but those were 1) not exactly a "healthy" way of dealing with emotions or 2) caused by pepper spray KJHVSKJDF. im behind on vyn's cards, idk in which ones he cries honestly due to genuine in distress

so like, they DO cry. but it seems to take rather a lot to get them there. the flipside is that they also cry when overcome with immensely positive emotion (like, mc was on the verge of tears when luke finally proposed in SSR Orange Scent) so at least theres that!!!! but it's not much, chief....

all members of the nxx team all are IMMENSELY repressed. i think the most emotionally healthy of the team is DAVIS, which isnt a good sign, given that hes not even human

anyhoo this ask inspired me so

here are some misc headcanons on the nxx team and crying

i hc that luke as a kid was Such a crybaby. he'd cry over everything: when he saw a sad movie, when he saw a happy movie, when he saw a dog being walked but the dog was so dang small, when mc cries and his high empathy kicks in to make it Our Cry Session, just...he cried over IT ALL. he was just a very emotionally sensitive child, even to emotions from others. he eventually got emotionally steadier as he grew up but i think there are innocuous movies that, due to him crying over them as a kid, still make luke cry as an adult

[nxx movie night]

marius: man i love this movie, absolute classi---WHY ARE YOU CRYING??

luke: because ANYBODY can COOK!! EVEN A RAT!!!!!

mc, silently glaring at marius over luke's shoulder as if to say "Don't You Say A Mean Word To Him Right Now": O_O

(yes, they were watching ratatouille)

-

vyn has mastered crying on cue and can do it at the drop of a hat, but when he REALLY TRULY ACTUALLY is hit by the genuine need to cry for any reason, be it positive or negative, he cannot stop it at all until its run its natural course.

which is just AGONIZING for him, surely, but this is the price he has to pay for the power of being able to cry on command: not be able to stop when it's for realsies

marius: HAHA, CRYBABY

vyn: //throws a book at him because just cuz he cant stop crying, doesnt mean he cant attack

-

it slightly pisses everyone off a teensy bit that artem can cry artfully.

like, the single tear. the lines of silent tears streaming down his face. even the more desperate sobs. doesnt matter whether theyre stage tears for another play or if theyre during high stakes situations, artem seems to naturally cry in a cinematic manner

artem: //shedding a few tears because of the stress of an nxx operation or something

luke: hey it's okay, everyone's alright

luke internal thoughts: why is he so pretty while crying?????? .....wait what

-

and lastly, marius can hold back tears like nobodys business. like luke, he was a huge crybaby as a kid. but unlike luke, he held it back so much that when he DID cry as a child, it was REALLY CRYING. like wailing, like sobbing. it's heartbreaking to watch

so via his Entire Life Of Repressing Weakness And Related Emotions, he became rlly powerful at holding back the need to cry. it only happens during VERY EMOTIONALLY INTENSE scenarios ORRRR

during horror movies

because hes such a horror weakling and he gets so spooked that tears literally come out

mc: how did that jumpscare make you tear up but not the intro scene to Up

marius, hiding behind a pillow to avoid any more jumpscares: im a man of endless mystery, miss

thank you for the ask :D

[crowbuns]

you should gushpost about ibara. grabs you like a squeaky toy. wat drew you to him :] also also whats ur favorite card of him!!

OH HEY ummm i'm usually shy to gush about him + i'm afraid to spell anything wrong bc my english sucks but i'd love to do it more :((( he makes me so happy i want everyone to know that (long ass gushing under the cut)

anywayy he was one of the first enstars characters i put my eye on and my first thought was like "ohhhh little guy look at him smiling" then i watched the anime and he was so much more than that (even if the anime doesn't show much details about the story i was happy i could find more about him) but that was just the start

he has always been my favorite eden member, not my favorite character overall but i did a lot of research about him and his stories, search fanart and etc because i have a friend who liked him a lot at that time so i was always sending ibara content to him (@fushigina-daiarii IT'S ALL YOUR FAULT👁️ /pos) and that made me even more interessed!!

also at that time i was having a really hard time especially because my ex was being kinda toxic to me?? she kinda stalked me and stuff and the end of our relationship made me feel very guilty and y'know... ibara was one of my main sources of comfort (if not the main one) and seeing anything related to me always made me so happy... he really helped me during this fucked up situation and it may sound silly but i'll always feel grateful for that

since that time i couldn't see myself anymore not giggling with his cards and art and well every single thing about himJDBDKDBKDH and it's been 2 years and 6 months i'm self shipping with him he'll always be important to me

now speaking about my favorite cards... i think i'd choose those three (winter live unbloomed, summer snow unbloomed and his fs2 unbloomed. yes. specifically the unbloomed versions of them)

the thing is... i love how soft his expressions are there (he looks especially silly in the first one tbh)!! the way he smiles so softly on his summer snow card... it actually made me so very happy when i got him instead of fs1 yuuta when i pulled for him that was the card i wanted the most on the game at that time

ALSO!!! his expressions during the fs2 motion... it always gets me...

i also have a soft spot for his valentines card i've waited so long for his center event so it really caught me off guard (i was literally crying three days straight after the release of melting rouge soul mv because i was proud of him /srs)

[silcoseye]

Volatile P3: Do You Remember Seeing the Stars for the First Time?

info: "It's been years since Silco, Vander and (Y/N) split up. When Silco searches for his old friend again, asking them to help him teach a child he had recently taken in their 'explosive' craft, their feelings for him are reignited. The question remains if he burns for them just as bright as they do."

part 1 | part 2 | part 3 | part 4 | part 5 | part 6 | part 7 | part 8

warnings: gender-neutral reader, bomb-making, bomb exploding, mentions of child labour, mentions of murder, violence, claustrophobic settings, big fish, swearing (this one is pretty wholesome ngl)

i kept getting distracted trying to write this by "cupcakke - Squidward nose" so at least you all know my heart was in a good place. honestly, as i was writing towards the end i was like 'omg this is so good' so if you all don't think the same I'll cry (/j) IMPORTANT (/srs): I have a fair amount of uni work to do in less than 2 weeks so these updates are gonna slow and I'm going to try and focus on getting my work done before deadlines thank you all, happy reading

7556 words

Jinx came over almost daily to learn the art of bomb-making- and her progress was astonishingly fast. Something you found endearing was that she always doodled on the outsides of her projects. In fact, she doodled on whatever she could get her hands and those neon markers on- clothes, walls, paper, skin. She used them up so quickly, Silco switched to buying her easily accessible crayons, pencils and cheap markers- they were nothing compared to the markers, but she wasn't complaining. She loved it.

Another thing she loved- arguably more than tinkering and creating- was blowing things up with them. Nearby was an abandoned air shaft that you'd visit with her and Silco, testing her creation and smiling brightly at her excitement whenever they'd work, emitting colourful explosions.

As the weeks became months, you noticed her hair beginning to grow rapidly, and, bless Silco, the poor man clearly had no idea what to do with it. Fearing it would get caught on fire, or caught in something that would injure her during your lessons, you offered to put it up for her, as she had no clue what to do with it either. At first, it was styled into a simple long ponytail but she grew bored of it quickly and wasn't much safer. You then offered to braid it for her, which she was hesitant to at first,

"How about two braids then?" You asked, "to make it more fun and interesting," Her eyes lit up at your proposition and she smiled. Carefully instructing her to sit as still as she could, you started by sectioning her hair in two, while she began to eagerly tell you about whatever came to her mind,

"Silco took me to see the water," She said at one point. You froze as you combed her hair. That place. The place where you had almost lost him to Vander.  It startled and confused you,

"He did?" She nodded, before mumbling an apology, knowing she wasn't supposed to move her head while you worked, "How was it?"

"I liked it. I wanted to swim but he said no. He said it's dirty water, and we have clean water at home," She explained, "He told me that there's huge fish underwater. I saw some of them too.  They're so beautiful, and they don't even know it," You smiled at that, "That's what he told me," she said, as you tied one of the sections into a loose ponytail and let it hang over Jinx's front,

"He did?" She hummed, to indicate a 'yes', tongue poking out as she focused on the detailing of her portrait of Silco,

"He did," She confirmed, "He likes the fish, so I'm drawing him one!" flawless logic,

"Like a pet?"

"Like a friend," You smiled at her innocence, a sigh escaping your lips,

"What's the fishy's name?" you asked, brushing her hair back to begin the first braid,

"The fish can be called (Y/N)!" She grinned, causing you to grimace and then laugh along with her,

"Are you teaching her to draw now?" Silco's low voice cut through your laughter, causing both your heads to turn to Silco, who had just returned. Jinx ran to him quickly, the hair slipping from your loose hold on it, and hugged him tightly. You did find it strange that Sevika was the one who dropped her off today- with a glare and grumble as you thanked her. You eyed the cape she wore over her shoulder and the blue scar on her cheek as you let Jinx inside, "Hello, Jinx," He said affectionately patting her head, before looking at you with a puzzled expression, "What are you doing with her hair?" He asked intrigued, eyes flicking to the brush in your other hand,

"I'm making sure Jinx's hair doesn't get in the way of her work," You said, patting the stool, indicating for Jinx to return. Giving you another apology, she returned, quickly moving the drawing she was doing and flipping it upside down to hide from Silco, and beginning to draw on a new sheet of paper, "I'm giving her braids,"

"Ah," He nodded, leaning on one of the workbenches next to you and watching as you brushed through her hair once again in silence, "Are they easy to do?" With a surprised glance at him, you shook your head,

"No, you just section it and criss-cross," You said, splitting the section of blue hair into three sections and beginning to braid,

"Slow down," He asked suddenly, moving from where he was leaning and moving to stand next to you, watching intrigued as you now slowly braided her hair, "Hmm. It's a pattern," You nodded,

"Right over the middle, left over the middle. You wanna try that side?" You offered, gripping the end of the amount of hair you braided so it wouldn't fall loose and handing him the hairbrush. Tentatively, he took it from you, undoing the hair with such delicacy that one would have thought it strings of porcelain. You smiled, "It's already mostly brushed out so she shouldn't have any tough knots in there," You assured him, and yet still he still brushed through it gently, building up some courage. He finally set down the brush and sectioned the hair as you had previously done,

"Like this?" He asked for clarification, eye-widening as he saw you were already finished and tying up the braid so it wouldn't come undone. Running your hand gently under the braid to make sure it lay smooth against the girls back, you looked in his direction,

"Mhm, that's great, Silco. Now you just have to braid it," you reminded him, "Let me show you," you offered, moving closer to him and gently reaching to take his hands in yours, moving them as you had instructed him, "Right over the middle, left over the middle," You said softly, letting go of his hands once you felt him figure out the pattern, "Make sure it's tight so it doesn't come undone so easily," You added quickly, watching his braid. It was so sweet, so caring. How focused he appeared on making the braid look good, and how his long, slender fingers wove the hair together. It took him significantly longer than you, but you could tell he was being as careful as possible.

Once he reached the bottom of her hair, you handed him a hair tie and watched as he delicately finished his work, standing back and sighing as he placed a hand to his aching back, comparing the two braids,

"You did so well, Silco," You smiled at him before he could say something self-deprecating, turning to see Jinx smiling brightly and showing him she finished fish drawing- one of its eyes was a red 'x' while the other was just a blue dot- you thought her Silco Fish was adorable. Smiling at her, you spoke, "There's a mirror just outside if you want to look at your hair, and then we can start our lesson" You and Silco turned your heads to watch her race out of the room,

"Thank you for teaching me," the words almost knocked you off your feet and your brows raised in clear shock. You couldn't hide the slight blush that dusted your cheeks and caused them to warm as Silco looked at you, "I had no idea you knew how to do things with hair like that. To tell the truth, it was getting unmanageable," He sighed. You could tell he was tired through the bags under his eyes and a slight slouch in his position. Testing the waters, you reached a hand up to pat his shoulder,

"No problem," you said, surprised again that he didn't brush you off, "Where were you this morning? Savika dropped Jinx off to-"

"She arrived on time?" He asked sternly now. With a small sigh, you nodded,

"On the dot," You confirmed, hoping it would keep the woman out of trouble. Jinx returned, declaring she loved the braids and hugged Silco first and then, surprisingly you. You smiled, patting her head as Silco had done,

"Okay, we can start now!" She said eagerly as she pulled away and hopped back on the chair. With her hair out of the way, you cleared the papers and made sure to set her Silco, Jinx and (Y/N) fish portrait to the side so she could continue at the end, and your lesson began.

For the next few days, Silco would come in with Jinx- even on the days where she had an allocated break from learning- staying while you braided her hair. This continued until eventually, he got so good at doing it himself that she would come with the twin braids already hanging down her back, excited to learn as usual.

The longer she was with him, the more you saw Silco's normally icy exterior melt with her childish innocence. It was so abundantly clear to anyone that he cared deeply for the girl. You had been to his office a few times when he called for you to check on her progress. Just scanning his desk, you could tell she had been there; the ashtray he used with his cigars was painted with neon blue and pink details, and considering he hadn't just opted to get a new one, he must have been proud of her artwork. You always had positive things to say- not out of fear that he'd replace you if she wasn't satisfied- but because you recognised her brilliance and creativity.

The only thing still dragging you down was your curiosity to know her origins. You were torn between going out and searching for the answer on your own and waiting patiently for Silco to tell you himself when he was ready. In the end, you decided to remain as patient as you could be. Silco would tell you eventually- you hung on to this belief. He trusted you... Right?

Why else would he turn to you right after he found Jinx? Why else did he ask you to help him teach her, and not someone else with more professional practice and experience in this line of work? Why else did he value your opinion of her when he clearly didn't give a shit about the others?

You've seen the glares Sevika gave to the child plenty of times when she thought no one was looking, and you were still unaware as to why she disliked the poor girl so much. Often, Silco would begrudgingly ask her to watch her while he attended to his cryptic 'business' to attend to, and watching as she begrudgingly accepted.

Jinx quickly grew to adore the time she spent with you, as it meant she could focus on her creativity- in bomb-making and art. Your conversations were always light chatter, and sometimes she'd tell you about her life before Silco. Only small details- like a boy named Ekko learned the basics of welding, and other metalwork alongside her, and they both learned from Benzo, a merchant that lived nearby. You recognised him as being Vander's friend. Jinx took to making bombs because "they were more fun", in her words, and you laughed along with her. However, you still couldn't shake she wasn't okay. Sometimes when you asked for more information on her past, she got very quiet and almost refused to speak with you anymore until you changed the topic. You never pressed her for more after that. One day, she mentioned it was her birthday, just out of the blue. Her older sister had taught her the date and month, and your eyes widened. What followed was a day off, and an incredibly messy attempt to bake a cake.

Silco returned to your home to find the girl's face and clothes dusted in flour, hands sticky with dough and icing and grinning up at him, bouncing on her feet as she eagerly declared you made a cake. His gaze turned to you, situated in the kitchen, sympathetically smiling. Instructed her to wash her hands, he joined you in the kitchen, remaining quiet as he watched you place the top half of the cake onto a layer of cream. Washing your own hands once you were done, you gave Jinx free reign to decorate it with the colourful icing you made in separate bowls. Once you finished, you dried them and joined Silco across the counter from Jinx, observing her with an amused smile. You leaned your elbows on the counter and reached for a discarded spoon you used to mix the icing with,

"She said it was her birthday today," You explained to him, licking some of the icing off your finger. You blushed to see his eyes lingering on your face as you did this. You turned to watch the young girl instead, slathering the cake with the blue icing, "I thought she deserves a cake at least... Had I known earlier I would have gotten her a gift," you looked back at him apologetically, once you felt the burning in your cheeks subside, and he simply smiled and shook his head,

"It's alright, (Y/N). Thank you for at least giving her a fun day off," You nodded, and remained quiet for a moment, watching as she worked away,

"So what business did you need to attend today?" you tried, expecting him to remain also quiet and not tell you,

"I was buying Jinx a birthday present," You blinked for a moment, turning to see him with a sly smirk on his lips. Jinx let out a small gasp at his words, and clumsily set the flat spatula she was using to decorate the cake with back into the pink icing bowl, moving from the small stepstool you got for her and running to the side of the counter you two were on, watching him eagerly.

He crouched beside you, and it only then did you notice he was carrying a small wrapped parcel behind his back. He crouched before her and offered it to her.  Taking it from him with a small 'thank you', she eagerly unwrapped the paper and gasped in surprise at the contents. You smiled, seeing the bright neon markers she had taken from you all those months ago. A cacophony of eager thank you's burst from her, and she ran quickly into Silco's arms, hugging him tightly, shoulder shaking slightly as she cried from happiness.

The markers had been ridiculously difficult to find apparently for both you and Silco. A while ago, you thought to surprise her and buy her the markers she had fallen in love with all those months ago but came up empty, returning home exhausted and neon markerless. And considering it took him a whole day just to find them and bring them to her, you guessed he may have had to go to Piltover or... Somewhere else. Perhaps he has a neon marker dealer you didn't know but needed to seek out. You had to ask him.

Jinx pulled away with the brightest smile you've ever seen on her lips. She was clearly so overwhelmed and happy it just warmed your heart to see. Like you, she'd likely grown up with very little around her. And you realised this may be the first cake she'd ever had, considering her excitement when you showed her the size of the cake pan. Once she calmed down (and you assured her they were not edible and couldn't go on the cake) she resumed her decorating, eager to finish so she could draw again. You settled next to Silco, looking over the markers and trying to see their brand, only for him to cover it with his pale hand. You sent him a playful glare, but it faded quickly and you only smiled. His gaze went to you as he felt your eyes on him,

"What?" His asked expectantly, looking down at you amused,

"Nothing... I was just trying to see what brand those markers were," You said innocently. You regretted not paying attention to what it was when you first got them and gave them away, not knowing she would take to them like that,

"I'm not revealing my secrets," He said plainly,

"Silco? Keeping secrets? Unheard of," You mocked surprise, making him exhale some air out of his nose in a silent laugh. Studying him, you turned your attention back to Jinx, "Seriously where did you get them, they're really good markers," You hissed,

"When's your birthday?"

"Haha," You said sarcastically, rolling your eyes. With a small sigh, you went quiet, watching as she finished up the cake,

"Thank you for baking with her," He said sincerely, and when you met his gaze, his eyes held emotion in them. You gave him a nod,

"She deserves it, doesn't she?" You told him, and with a nod, he agreed with you.

Jinx ate about a quarter of the cake, ran around your house, completed 6 drawings, before passing out across Silco's lap on the couch. He had undone one of the braids and delicately ran his fingers through her wavy hair, separating the strands. You watched the domestic scene before you, sipping some tea and watching.

He casually smoked a cigar, an ashtray placed on the side of your couch to tap off the excess ash. He was focused so hard on Jinx's hair he barely seemed to register your staring. His head was tilted slightly to the side, giving you a clear view of his corrupted eye and the scars indenting his cheek and forehead. Everything about him was sharp in such a handsome way, and yet this time his body no longer held its usual tension. The longer you spent time with him, you slowly started to notice how he'd emerge from his office with his shoulder's squared, but they'd slump and relax slightly whenever Jinx tackled his legs into a hug and you delivered her back to him. Although it was hard to tell now, due to the position he was sitting in, he was relaxed too. One of his arms leaned against the back of the couch, the hand that held the cigar carefully poised over the ashtray to not land on your couch, smoke slowly dissipating into the air and filling it with the scent of tobacco. His other was brushing out Jinx's hair,

"Are you enjoying yourself?" His voice was soft but carried deliciously through the air between you. You set the steaming mug of tea down from where it was resting against your lips, and  looking at the brown liquid to avoid looking at him at the realisation he knew you were observing him,

"It's nice to see you like this. You look comfortable and relaxed," You explained, trying to match your tone and volume to his, finally looking up to meet his curious gaze. It was his turn to openly stare, however, you lacked his unapologetic confidence and looked away, brushing a hand through your hair, "So-"

"It's nice to see me?" He repeated with a small smirk, and you rolled your eyes,

"I haven't seen you in a long time. Not since..." You trailed off and watched his smile fade away, his gaze turning to look to the floor. Rubbing his forehead carefully with the hand holding the cigar, he brought it back to his lips and inhaled deeply, and let the smoke slowly rise out of his thin lips. You watched him place it back into the ashtray,

"Since Vander tried to kill me," He finished for you, eye squinting with an icy glare above your head,

"You... Haven't told me what happened after that," You reminded him, looking from the dark brown liquid in your cup, back to him. He focused on you,

"You were there. You pulled me from the waters and took me to shore," He reminded you,

"Yes, but what happened after that?" You finally said, sitting up in curiosity. It took him a while to reply, figuring out how to form the words in his head, figuring out how best to tell you. Or perhaps he was thinking of another clever way to distract you,

"Once we split, I gathered those who opposed Vander. Safe to say they were surprised to see me alive. He apparently told them I was dead," There was venom in his words, and you only nodded along, ignoring the tightness in your chest as the memories of heartbreak come flooding back. "I gathered those who still wanted to send the topsiders a message with violence and would continue to do so. His lie did me a favour... It allowed me to disappear," He picked the cigar back up, "I found Singed, the scientist, and became a sponsor of his... Projects," He explained, "When you found me, my eye was beyond repair-" Letting go of Jinx's hair, you watched as his delicate fingers traced along one of the marks on his face, "-I could barely see you helping me out of the toxic waters-" his hand travelled down the scar, down his face as he spoke, "-When I found Singed, by some luck he managed to salvage it-" The scar stopped at his lip, and he took his hand from his face to place it back into Jinx's hair "-only the toxins had eaten away at most of the flesh," With a slight shake of his head, he continued, "he managed to salvage my vision, what was left of it that is. Regardless, I was then forever in debt to him. Whatever he needed, I would supply it," He uttered, eyes focusing on you, "And then he showed me... A private project of his... You know it as Shimmer," you nodded in agreement, "He cultivated it and I lent him a helping hand," he finished,

"Right," You said, thinking for a moment, "He fixed your eye," He leaned his head down in a nod, "And in turn, you helped him create the drug that took over Zaun," He nodded again, "Is that all you did?" He laughed at that,

"It kept me busy," He raised a brow, "Is that all you wanted to know, (Y/N)?" He asked,

Of course not. You wanted to ask so much more. About Jinx, her origins, more questions about him. Specifically his feelings for you. If they were strictly platonic or did he yearn for your affection like you his. Did he find you beautiful too? Did he fantasize about falling asleep entangled together too? If his feelings for you were still in his cold hear somewhere,

"Nothing comes to mind, Silco," You settled, with a polite smile that was soon hidden behind your teacup again as you took another sip. Looking back at him, you noticed him staring at you, clearly unconvinced by your answer. He didn't push you for more, thankfully. The truth was you weren't ready for such forward confessions, and you were so unsure and afraid of his reaction.   Jinx being in his life brought the best out of him, you thought. He had desperately tried to push all human care and love out of his heart to replace it with bitterness, only for Jinx to crash into his life and remind him what it was to feel again. Looking down at the girl you smiled softly, "I've never seen her as happy as she was today" you told him, "It's sweet that you got her those markers. If I knew it was her birthday I would have got her something too," you repeated with a sad sigh,

"I'm sure these markers will keep her busy for the foreseeable future," His hand affectionately went back to Jinx's hair, now undoing the other braid and gently undoing the hair, "Besides, I don't think you'd be able to find them, even if you searched the entirety of Zaun," He teased. You smiled at him, narrowing your eyes,

"Does that mean you got them from Piltover?" Mimicking your earlier movements, he only raised his brows and bought the cigar to his lips inhaling. You shook your head, "One day I'll find them and hoard them here so you won't find them,"

"You'll never find my supplier," he murmured, leaning his head back against the back of the couch as he exhaled the smoke into the air,

"An art supplier from Piltover," You put two and two together, "Thanks Silco," you said playfully,

"Good luck finding the right one," He chuckled, his head leaning forward again to look at you, "Stars know the amount of pretentious 'artists' that city produces," there was a sting to his words, and you only nodded along,

"Course it does," You agreed with a sigh, "Such freedom must be wonderful," You said softly, "I wish I could have painted or drawn when I was a child... Instead of working the mines," You looked at Jinx, "It's... Why I was so nervous about teaching her how to make bombs. The fact that she's still so young. I constantly have to remind myself that she's only a child, and I feel horrible for corrupting her mind with such violence..." You said sadly, "I lived through it. I know how bad it gets. I didn't want her childhood to be like this too," you admitted. Looking back to him, meeting his intense gaze, "But you... Silco, you clearly care for her so much. You would never let anything bad happen to her intentionally and I know that," You assured him, "I just.." you sighed, words escaping you.

"I understand your fears, (Y/N)," He said smoothly, "I have them too... I had my reservations on taking in a child," His voice had a twinge of sadness to it, "But she was alone. She had lost everything- everyone in her life. I realised I was all she had left. I realised without me... She would die," He admitted, "It's not an ideal life for her. I know this. So I try my best to give her the best I can find. All so she doesn't see the shit we went through," His eyes locked with yours, "You do too... And I appreciate your efforts too, (Y/N)," he said, the gratitude clear in his voice. A comfortable silence settled as you ate a biscuit and drank some tea, and he finished with her hair. His cigar stopped smoking, but the tobacco still hung in the air thickly, engulfing you, "Thank you for teaching her," He broke the silence eventually, "I'll make sure to repay you in the future,"

"You don't have to do anything for me- you gave me this apartment," You quickly told him, watching as he smiled and shook his head, "That's more than enough,"

"This is a necessity. I'll get you something else,"

"Like what?" you asked

"Anything," He let out a breath, "Anything you would want,"

After finishing your tea, he picked Jinx up from his lap, gently cradling her close to him and moving to the door. You took his coat from the rack, draping it over his shoulders and relishing in the overwhelming scent of smoke and vanilla that surrounded him like an invisible cloud,

"Thank you," He exhaled,

"I thought you were incapable of using those words," You teased. You were so close to him that you felt the air exhale from his nose as he laughed lightly,

"I live and I learn..." He said softly. He lingered near you for a moment, and you took this as a cue to open the front door for him. Before you got to it, he interrupted you, "I'll take you somewhere nice tonight" He offered,

"Somewhere nice?" You asked, looking at him, to see him nod and approach, "It better not be a rooftop again. I'm not dragging you off there like last time," You narrowed your eyes, a hand resting on the door handle. He smiled at you,

"It'll be nicer than a rooftop. I promise,"

"You promise?"

"Be ready in an hour and we'll go," He said,

"Why this sudden proposition?" You asked curiously, "What changed?"

"I'm repaying your kind work," He said, and as he saw you beginning to protest he raised a brow, "Don't start," He commanded, and even at a whisper, you could tell he was stern, "Please. I just want you to join me,"

"Alright, Silco. I will," You opened the door for him and watched as he momentarily left you, taking the girl back to their home.

"When I said I didn't want to go to a rooftop I didn't expect the exact opposite," You said, moving after him cautiously into a run-down building. Bits of it had been singed and covered in black soot, and it was long abandoned, the signs being obvious in the abundance of dust and emptiness. The thick smell of smoke and gunpowder still hung in the air- you'd need to wash these clothes when you got home. You eyed an elevator that was in an equally bad shape that Silco was slowly approaching, the floor numbers flashing weakly in the dim room.

Silco smiled softly once you got to it. He had walked with his usual confident swagger, hands behind his back and footsteps confident, heavy and slow. You moved next to him, catching up after taking in your deteriorating surroundings, and got to the broken doors of the elevator shaft. He grabbed it and grunted as he pulled it back, the door promptly falling back into its sliding hinges with a creek. He turned back to you, indicating with his hand for you to enter first. Following his instructions, you frowned deeply as you looked at the dusty, run-down elevator,

"Is this even safe?" you asked, worry laced into your words, looking over the buttons and numbers that emitted a low buzz. He entered quietly as always and brushed past you, pressing the lowest floor possible, causing the elevator to jerk to life and begin its slow descent,

"So far," He commented, leaning against the brass metal casually,

"Silco, I swear to all the stars in the sky, if this elevator breaks while we're in it... Are you telling me there are no stairs we could have used instead?" the fear was clear in your tone, not at all comforted by his casualness,

"It hasn't broken and won't break," he said smoothly, and with only his word to trust, you sighed, standing by him and watching as light illuminated outside of the open door,

"How did it all break?" You asked, "Time?" he shook his head,

"Time..." He confirmed, "And external forces..." He added mysteriously with a sigh, turning his head to observe you, "You're still terrified of small spaces?" He asked out,

"Specifically ones that might kill me because they're not safe," You said, making him chuckle lowly,

"You wouldn't like this place when it was open," He said, "There are no stairs. Its a crucial design flaw. That's why it closed years ago. It almost burned down when one of the chefs caught their apron on fire and almost burned down the whole building. Maximum weight limit allowed 5 people in here at a time- old technology- and a few patrons sustained serious burns" he explained

"Was this a restaurant?" You blushed at the implications. Was he intentionally bringing you to a place usually associated with romance? Or was he-

You gasped again as the elevator shook and jolted again, creaks emanating from the heavy-duty wires above you. You could feel your heart drop in fear, and instinctively, you reached for his arm and gripped it, shutting your eyes tightly.

A moment passed and all movement stopped.

"We're here," He declared, but his voice was soft and soothing, intending to calm you. Straightening shakily and releasing the grip on his arm, you blushed as you watched this elevator door open- working correctly but covered in black soot- and blinked at the sight before you.

A laboratory was destroyed here. Shelves of empty beakers and surviving chemicals were scattered around, glass, ingredients and mysterious puddles littered below them. A fish tank, or terrarium of some sorts, had fallen and shattered, adding to the dusty, glassy, chemically mess on the floor, dirt spilling out of it. All of this was left to rot, abandoned. Everything was either covered in soot, burned to a crisp, or dusty. But what drew your attention the most was the bright azure window, as tall as the room itself, and the vast shapes moving behind the extensive crack splitting the window apart, drops of the water falling and puddling on the floor from the crevices.

Silco appeared next to you, standing and looking over the area with hints of reminiscence in his eye,

"This was Singed's laboratory," He clarified for you, gaze shifting to watch your bewildered face, transfixed by the humungous fish slowly swimming in front of the glass, obscured and disfigured by the crack. Following your gaze, he scanned them, eyeing the break in the glass, "Since the explosion, I've only been here with Jinx," he explained. An explosion- perhaps that was the 'external force' he mentioned before. But that didn't explain the soot... Maybe it caused an explosion to occur here. There must have been a lot of flammable things stored here,

"So that's why she draws the fish," you marvelled. This was the water see was talking about,

"I'm surprised it hasn't caved in yet..." He nodded. "However the structure is severely unstable," He pointed out the obvious, gesturing to the large crack. The force of a bomb could do something like this... Was this why you were teaching her how to safely make bombs? Did she cause this? You thought about reprimanding him for being so reckless to bring a child here,  or sharing your observations, but the enchanting atmosphere kept the words in your mouth,

"What was this? Before it... was a lab," You asked, finally tearing your eyes away as the gigantic fish disappeared to the left, and looking at Silco, who began to slowly wander across the room, closer to the glass. You followed,

"It used to be an underground dining area, only available to the rich ones who could afford it," he said, "This used to be a Topsiders exclusive restaurant... Until we claimed it," He said, tilting his head slightly and running his hands over a blackened workbench, the soot staining his two fingers. He rubbed them with his thumb, before looking over his shoulder to watch you approach his side,

"Ahh... You got jealous and wanted free entry?" You summed up playfully,

"Perhaps that too," He smiled, his gaze travelling to the window again. Standing close to him, you marvelled at the fish together. It hadn't been just the two of you since that night he got into your old apartment and asked you to help him. This felt nice,

"Silco?" You looked at him and listened to the small hum he gave you.  You allowed yourself to admire his sharp, angular features, eyes scanning his face as if to memorise it, subconsciously expecting to lose him again. As he turned to look at you, now being able to see his whole face illuminated by the glow of the waters before you, you took a small steadying breath, "I don't know if I told you... But it's really nice to see you after all these years," You said, "I'd be lying if I didn't say I missed you. I am... Glad you're back in my life," you said honestly, and watched as his features softened and he relaxed, a small smile appearing on his lips again,

"As am I," He said softly, and as you gazed at him, the impulse to suddenly touch your lips to his grew stronger and stronger. You were so close to him, shoulders practically touching. You wanted to reach out and touch him. Your body screamed and begged for you to do so. Perhaps you'd bump into the desk behind him. Perhaps he wouldn't care about the soot or dust staining his clothes as you distracted him with your mouth on his. Perhaps you'd forget about the threat of drowning looming above before you and calm your racing heart.

But damn your insecurities cursed patience, and childish curiosity making you turn your head back to the window, so he was completely eliminated from your vision. You calmed as a silence appeared between you two, filled only by the steady echoes of dripping, and deep underwater noises. He finally spoke after some time,

"(Y/N)," he drew your attention, "I need your help. I need more help than I would normally like to... request from another person," He admitted reluctantly with a sigh, a hand running through his hair, causing a few grey-black strands to fall to his forehead, "With Jinx," He finished, looking back to you, "I can only provide her with so much... She has a home, she has safety, she has basic necessities, and her drawings and materials because of me... But truth be told, without your help, I don't think she'd be as comfortable or happy as she is," He admitted, "Being around you makes her happy- you should hear the way she talks about you," You blushed at that, smiling pleasantly, "I'm serious, (Y/N). She wakes me up at ungodly hours demanding that she needs to arrive at her lessons on time, and the days she doesn't, she's asking about see you anyway, and what you do when she's not there," you laughed at that, "You always had that natural charm with children," he complimented softly, his gaze caring and... full of an emotion you couldn't quite pinpoint. Pride? Adoration?

"Cause you always scared them off with your bluntness," You teased, giving up on trying to read into him. Your comment made him smile a little wider, "Thank you for the flattery Silco, but you shouldn't give yourself such little credit. It's clear she loves you and considers you to be a father figure for her," he looked away now, considering your words. You could almost watch as the gears turned in his head. Shuffling a little on your feet to move that much closer to him, you took in a small breath, "I'd be more than happy to take her in for a little bit if it made things a bit easier on you," You offered, making him turn to look at you, shock clear in the way his brow and eyelid were raised, "Not completely take her away from you, of course... But I do have that spare bedroom. Some nights, if you can't make it, or have... things to do with whatever shady business you have going on now, I don't mind letting her stay over. You'd pick her up in the morning, as usual" You said. He remained quiet, considering your offer, "Silco," You said, making him look at you, "I really don't mind helping you- and you don't need to do anything for me in return. I'm just happy to be with you a-and her," you said quickly, to try and save yourself from slipping up too quickly and scaring him off, "You mean a lot to me..." You finished bravely, watching his face. You were thankful for the intense monochromatic blue that shielded the intensity of your blush from his intense gaze, full of an emotion you just couldn't discern. Then he did something you hadn't expected.

Silco had only hugged you a few times in your life, despite knowing each other for so long. You could probably count the hugs on one hand. The first time was when he was convinced you had been killed by enforcers on your way back to your shared home many moons ago when the tensions were high and you were only a few minutes late to a meeting. The second was after he had lost his eye. When you got him home and cleaned and bandaged what you could, used to the grotesque task by now, he asked you to hug him until he fell asleep against you on your bed, not letting you go until the early hours of the following morning. He pulled you close now and hugged you. You felt like floating. Pressing your head against his soft, yet firm, chest you were lulled by his rhythmic heartbeat and the deepwater sounds around you. You felt the gentle weight of his head against your shoulder and the indent of his chin. The warmth his body gave off surrounded you, and the scent of tobacco and cologne overwhelmed your senses. This felt right... It was perfect...

The hug was long- it was almost as if you were both making up for all the physical touch you were both starved of for years, neither wanting to let go. Silco hated touching anyone at all, and just about tolerated you and Vander when he was alive; you were indifferent to it. Silco was a champion of words, master manipulator. He spoke and fell silent when he needed to, and miraculously always had the correct timings. He told you once that hugging made him claustrophobic. You were happy he had gotten over his fears for this moment alone.

This alone planted a small seed in your mind- the seed that reassured you of his reciprocated feelings. You wouldn't believe in them until you heard it from him clearly- no word games, no beating about the bush, no fancy, dramatic antics or metaphors. Straight to the point, a clear yes or no. A clear 'I love you' or 'I don't feel the same way'. You understood this was a lot to ask of a person like Silco, and therefore you had to be patient. Moments like this gave you hope.

Shamelessly now, you watched him in the elevator as it went back up to the surface, slithers of light filtering over his face as you passed by the various floors. He caught your eyes with a small smirk, causing your own mouth to bloom into a smile,

"What?" you asked, "Are you up to something?"

"I just missed spending time with you... That's all," He clarified genuinely, "This made me feel young again, and lord knows I need it," He ran a hand through his greying hair again and placed his hands against his sides, stretching out his lower back,

"You trying to relive your youth, old man?" You teased, making him laugh,

"Ahh, something of the sort," He admitted, "I was reminded of the thrills of sneaking out at night together and seeing how close we could get to the Topsider's barriers without getting caught," You smiled fondly at the memories,

"Yeah wow... That feels like a lifetime ago now, yeah..." You agreed, leaning against the metal back of the elevator next to Silco, eyes glued to him,

"Do you remember seeing the stars for the first time?" he asked softly, and you nodded dreamily, smile already widening,

"Yes... Sometimes, I dream of them, you know," You admitted, "The sky stretching out endlessly, covered in them. I never knew there were so many out there... Sometimes my skin is made from the stars- blue and sparkling- and I'm dancing across the air. Sometimes, I'm simply walking and staring at them endlessly... They're some of the best dreams I've ever had," You said, your smile now beginning to hurt your cheeks. Turning to see his gaze at you with admiration made you blush, "It was the best gift I've ever received. Thanks," you said, remembering the night he woke you and brought you up to Topside for the first time. He nodded, seemingly remembering that same memory, with a similar fondness to you. You noticed him fade away into the shadows as you arrived at the top floor, and realised something. The fucker managed to distract you long enough to forget you were moving in a broken-down elevator. Following him out and watching him slide the door back out of place, you walked close to him as he led you to a side door, footsteps synchronising, together. You made no comment to thank him, but just appreciated he was going out of his way to comfort you. You'd already probably annoyed him with so much 'thank you's' today that he'd slink back into his criminal sewers like a rat,

"Trust is something rare to find in people," He said, his blackened eye focusing on you, the orange-red glow around his pupil holding your attention, "The world is different now. Dog eats dog, brother kills brother," he sighed heavily, "I'm glad that I can trust you still, (Y/N). Even after all these years," He said. You were close again for a moment, and your breath hitched when you realised. You expected him to kiss you, with the way his head leaned closer. Instead, he pushed the door open for you, and your eyes widened at the brightness of the night sky, clear, dark, and a beautiful deep blue speckled with drops of glittering white.

The stars twinkled back at you beautifully, hypnotising you as you felt your heart clench inside your chest with adoration and love, mesmerised by their radiance. A tear slid down your cheek, the stars reflecting in the salty dacrocyte, a culmination of overwhelming happiness.

He did still care for you. So much more than you had ever expected.

[spencersmagic]

a knife twists at the thought - SR

Prompt: a knife twists at the thought that i should fall short of the mark - Arctic Monkeys

Summary: Spencer is new to this, and the poor boy is terrified

Couple: Fem! Reader x Spencer Reid (i picture season 2/3 Spencer but y’all do you)

Category: angst

Word count: 3086 words

Warnings: general criminal minds stuff, mentions and descriptions of torture, descriptions of loss, HAPPY ENDING!!, my 3am writing, tooth rotting love, uhmm spoilers for Orwell’s 1984 (if anybody hasn’t read it), humiliation, Spencer crying and breaking my heart (lmk if you need anything warned or trigger tagged).

A/N This is very loosely based on 2x15 (VERY LOOSELY). I’m quite proud of this one :)

masterlist // 505 series taglist

*****

They say you never see it coming.

When a tragedy occurs, and someone’s life is turned upside down forever, they never see it coming. It just... hits them. Like an oncoming car ramming into a bystander who was just in the wrong place at the wrong time.

No one has time to prepare. In our time-starved lives, there is no place for such a warning.

One day, you just wake up. And they’re not next to you. They’ve disappeared, leaving the stickiest, most unforgettable parts of themselves behind for others to grieve to: the smell of their shampoo in the pillows they used to share, the seconds just as you wake when you still feel like you have them - only to gain full consciousness and realise they left you behind - even the fucking jars, which never seem to be open because he’s just not there to do it.

And you feel your heart breaking all over again as your soul sticks to the parts that couldn’t be erased with the rest of him as he left. Because you needed him, you had him, and now he’s gone. No warning, no letter, no signs which could’ve helped you foresee such a tragedy, because how could he? He didn’t disappear on purpose.

She doesn’t understand why he's so absent. So unequivocally missing. And the person she would turn to to ask these riddled questions isn’t there to answer. Because he’s gone.

But they’re not there yet.

And she feels so close to that feeling - the helplessness, the pain, the empty cups next to her bed because he always carried them to the sink when she was finished with her tea the mornings of those rare days they got to sleep in. Those days when they had time. She can practically touch, with the tip of her fingertips, the waves of pain that would surge over her if he was gone for one more fucking minute.

She has to remind herself, over and over again, like a mantra. He’s not gone yet.

The “yet” at the end of her mantra just breaks her all over again.

She was always the one to tell Spencer “if you worry before something happens, in case it goes wrong, and then it does, you’ve managed to suffer twice through something painful for absolutely no reason”. It usually worked. Needless to say, she felt like a hypocrite right about now.

Because Spencer is gone. And she doesn’t know how to bring him back.

She knows only to watch the monitor, never once blinking, taking in everything that happened in that damned livestream - every word, every sound, every reference. She can only try to hear anything over the whimpers and sobs her love was letting out as he’s tortured by that man. She can only hear the cracks of his knuckles against Spencers soft skin, the same soft skin she had kissed mere hours ago before telling him to “be careful”. Her own way of saying the three little words the couple was too young to hear. She can only see his lips parting, sobs rumbling out of his body as the unsub abuses his frame over and over again - same lips which had kissed her forehead before telling her “i always am”.

Then again, she isn’t sure if its his voice which is filling her head with painful sounds or if her mind is playing tricks on her, memorising the horrifying vibrations coming from his chest for her to ever consider anything else. She hasn’t stopped hearing him since she turned on that damned computer.

She isn’t sure she’ll ever stop hearing it.

**

As a man of great intellect, Spencer always recurred to knowledge to understand difficult occurrences in his life. Burying himself in textbooks, novels, poems, and even music to understand pain, and himself having a life filled with it, he was an incredibly knowledgeable man.

He knew much. But right now, he only knew one thing.

In Orwells’ 1984, as Winston was being tortured (much like Spencer is right now), Orwell described the following:

“Never, for any reason on earth, could you wish for an increase of pain. Of pain you could only wish one thing: that it should stop. Nothing in the world was so bad as physical pain. In the face of pain there are no heroes, no heroes”.

And, as a man who had acquired most of his intellect by immersing himself in trivial content in the face of pain, he found himself doing the same thing as the unsub hurt him over and over again, each blow seemingly more painful than the last. As his skin bruised, a causality of his abusers torment, he analysed the seemingly logical quote.

It must depend on the person, he was sure. In fact, a number of factors must be taken into consideration at this statement. For starters, Winston lives in a society incapable of any human feelings. There is only dominance, and those who attempt, in vain, to challenge it. Surely, if he had felt happiness, like the one you feel when the first day of spring rolls around, or like the one that creeps up on you as you look into the eyes of your loved one, surely, he would understand that some things can outweigh pain.

Love.

If Spencer’s mind could make sense of what he was feeling right now, he would understand, something he would figure of were he to leave this damned place, that he was thankful to the Gods, were there any, for having the unsub kidnap him and not Y/N.

Winston hadn’t understood emotional pain because emotions weren’t dealt with regularly. They were discouraged. That’s why he believed that there are no heroes in the face of pain. Because he doesn’t understand emotional pain.

He knew he was suffering. He also knew that Y/N was at the other side of the blinking camera suffering more than he could ever imagine.

**

They say emotional pain lasts 12 minutes. Anything one feels after this would be the aftermath of the cause of the pain in question. Pure emotional pain, the one you practically feel in your chest, the one that says “i can’t think, feel or be. not until this feeling dissipates”.

She had learned this from Spencer.

And she wished it were true. As she watched that damned monitor, she wished that all the venom the unsub was spewing at Spencer, all the verbal abuse, was long forgotten. She wished he could only feel the physical pain. Because the mind is incredibly stronger than the body - it could keep him awake, alive, for just enough time for the team to rescue him.

The entire team had huddled around the monitor around her. She was painfully aware that other people were seeing this. Which meant it wasn’t her imagination. It wasn’t another one of those damned dreams she would have when she slept a little too far away from Spencer’s touch.

They had only been together for two months, but his touch was all that could get her to fall asleep.

She jolted as the unsub landed another slap on Spencer’s cheek, swiftly grabbing his hair for him to look into the camera. He had a cut above his right cheek, just where she would kiss him in the mornings, and bruises all over his neck, jaw and left eye.

“Say hi to your team!” he mocked Spencer, chuckling darkly as he moved his almost lifeless body around for the team to watch in horror. Spencer let out a heartbreaking sob, feeling so vulnerable.

“Why don’t we make this interesting?” he jumped, as if he had gotten an idea. The unsub reached behind himself to grab a pistol, clicking off the magazine safety to put one bullet in one of the eight slots, leaving the other seven free. He pointed it at Spencer’s temple.

Her entire body shook the thought of seeing Spencer’s lifeless body, held up only by the ropes and that sick man’s grip around his curls. The same curls she grabbed as she kissed his face when she wanted his attention.

“I’m going to ask you some questions...” he said, voice dripping with sickening sweetness as he turned the roulette, “and if i don’t like your answer i’ll pull the trigger! Let God decide what I do with you. Sounds good?”. He wanted to humiliate Spencer.

However, Spencer made the mistake of not answering him. He was quickly reminded as the barrel of the gun pointed right between his eyes, pulling the trigger, a loud bang! sound expanding through the barn.

“I asked you a question!” he suddenly yelled into Spencer’s face.

“Y-yes, Sir” he whimpered, shaking at the ease at which the man pulled the trigger.

“Good, you’re learning”.

**

She experienced it by bits. Hotch’s hoarse voice. “Talk to me Garcia”. “We’ve got coordinates”. Everybody rushing to the SUVs. Tripping over her own feet on the way to the car. Morgan’s voice. The iPad, which still carried Spencer’s whimpers and the man mocking tone.

“I’ve got your diary, Spence” his sing-song voice didn’t match the disgusting man she was looking at. Nothing made sense.

“And I wanna know why...” he drew out the ‘y’ as he looked for something between the worn pages between his hands.

Of course she knew Spencer owned a diary. But she was mature enough to keep her hands to herself and her eyes on her own pages as he wrote on his, eyebrows creasing as he recalled all which he had experienced during the day. His face would twitch slightly at the memories, both good and bad, as he basically described his day word by word.

“...why did you wait until you were 24 to lose your virginity?” he asked in a clear attempt to humiliate and ridicule Spencer in front of his team.

“I-I didn't-” he could barely finish a word before a sob wrecking through his body at the humiliation, chest rumbling and voice wavering. “I didn’t want to lose it before, i w-wasn’t in a hurry” he rushed out. The man brought the pistol to his own chin, tapping it as he thought. “Hmm... I’m satisfied with your answer. Let’s dig deeper, shall we?” he asked as he went back into the pages.

“ooh! This one is new” that sick bastard was having fun with this, completely unaware that the team was less than 5 minutes away from their location.

“Care to read what you wrote three days ago? Right here” he turned the pages so Spencer could read them, though he was painfully aware of that entry he was talking about. His body shook violently. “P-please. D-don’t ma-make me do t-this” he whimpered, body feeling defeated.

“Wrong answer” the unsub said before pointing a gun at him and pulling the trigger.

A shriek was heard from the iPad. The SUV went silent.

“He’s alive” she whispered, unable to speak up. “He-” she swallowed. “He’s alive. We’re not there, yet” her mantra became a reminder that she hadn’t been quick enough to help him. She had the tools to save him. Every second she had the knowledge to save him and didn’t was another second she remained impotent at the risk of losing the love of her life.

Spencer’s voice spoke from the iPad.

“C-can you at-at leas-st turn off t-the ca-amera?” he said between sobs.

And it hit her.

What hurt him the most wasn’t the memories he had to relieve, but the fact that the rest of the team would have to hear his most intimate thoughts. His deepest secrets.

He could bare the pain. The humiliation? That broke him.

“Aww” the unsub chuckled mockingly, “are you embarrassed?” he said, slouching down to look into his eyes. “Well too fucking bad!” he screamed into his face, spitting with every word he spewed at him. Spencer’s sobs got louder.

“O-okay okay!” Spencer caved, accepting the journal that got shoved into his face.

“Read, pretty boy” the unsub sang. That son of a bitch was having fun.

“We’re two minutes away, Y/N” Hotch said. Maybe it was he sobs, which were barely audible to herself, having accepted them as second nature after all the heartbreak she was experiencing, but Hotch needed her to be okay.

His own heart thumped into his chest, feeling as helpless as he’d ever felt. Seeing a member of his team - someone he was supposed to take care of, someone he was supposed to keep safe - was sobbing as he was physically and emotionally tortured. But he was painfully aware of the feelings Y/N was experiencing. The sheer fear that was running down her veins at the idea of them running out of time.

After a few sobs, Spencer started reading, interrupting himself occasionally with his whimpers:

“It’s been three months. Today, three months, seven hours and forty-six minutes ago, she did what I didn’t have the courage to do. She asked me out. “I’ve been wanting to ask you pretty much since the day i met you” she had said. Those words keep ringing in my head like a beautifully written symphony, intrinsically designed to make me face my deepest fears. Opening my scars one by one, dissecting them and reaching the simple conclusion that i was a coward.

She didn’t say it, but what she meant was “i’ve been waiting for you to do it, but you never did, so i had to”. We wasted time - a time so precious and sacred - because i was a coward.

I’ve never felt like this before. I never understood a love so deep as to move something so stubborn as the human spirit. I’ve read textbook after textbook, and novel after novel, and still I’ve never learned more than with her. But I was a coward. And i wasted her time. I fear that I still am.

A knife twists at the thought that i should fall short of the mark. It’s impossible for me to ever be enough for her”.

Her heart broke at this confession. Even worse at the thought that he wouldn’t’ve told her, instead inhaling fear and exhaling rejection at every breath he took next to her.

“We’re here” she heard Hotch, looking at her. She grabbed a bottle of water and dropped the iPad, not hearing the teams objections at the lack of vest and preparation and ran into the barn.

She isn’t sure if she’ll ever stop hearing his whimpers. As she runs closer, she hears them louder and louder, decorated with sobs and cries, and small, meaningless replies to his abusers’ mocking words.

She kicked the door down, the loud bang booming across the room, only helping in raising Spencer’s sobs as he feared the sound had been the result of a certain trigger being pulled. As she looks at him, she realises just how much pain he’s been put through.

She remembers Orwells words, much like how Spencer had remembered them mere hours ago. And disagrees, wishing over and over, praying to the Gods that she would be the victim of such atrocious abuse. She wished she could take his pain. Morgan joined her at her side mere seconds later, yelling. “FBI! Put the gun down!”.

Spencer used the last bit of energy to lunge forward, hitting the unsubs stomach with his head, successfully getting him on the floor for Morgan to apprehend. Y/N rushed to Spencer’s side, untying him, as his now nonexistent sobs grew louder and louder, not only at the prospect of getting out of that horrible place alive, but also at the knowledge that Y/N had heard what he had so dreadfully recited.

Spencer collapsed into her arms, crying into her in the same way she was crying into him, and she wondered just how to take away all his pain. So they cried into each other, desperately grasping each others hair, skin, clothes, anything that would make them feel like they wouldn’t have to spend another damned second without the company of each other.

Spencer was the first to break the silence.

“I need-” he stopped, coughing. She reached for the bottle of water she had brought with her because she knew he would need it. She always knew what he needed.

He chugged it desperately, stray drops falling down his chin at his eagerness. He took a deep breath trying to steady his lungs.

“I need to get out of here” he choked out.

She grabbed him under the shoulders, careful not to hurt him - not being successful, realising that there wasn’t much of him the man hadn’t hurt. Y/N pulled him out, sitting down on the grass with him. Their legs intertwined, pulling each other impossibly closer. They kissed, over and over again. Not as an act of any sexual relevance, but as a reminder that they had each other in any way, shape or form. That they weren’t out of time.

The team was certain they would stay there, never letting each other go for another minute.

After what felt like seconds in their time-starved little world, she broke the silence, which had only been filled with their own cries and occasional sobs.

“Spence” she grabbed his chin to look into his eyes. They were dull, red and hooded. He was exhausted. “Mhmm?” he let out, looking into hers. She was his solace.

“How could you ever think you were anything but completely and unequivocally enough?” she whispered the words he dreaded.

But as Spencer looked into her eyes he knew, better than he had ever known anything, that he was enough. And she was enough. He realised that which she had known for the past three months (possibly longer). They fit like two marvellous puzzle pieces.

Her hands grabbed his cheeks slowly, as to not hurt or startle him, pulling his forehead into hers. “Baby, I can’t imagine anybody else waking up to me every morning. You’re so much more than enough”, she planted a small kiss on his forehead before resuming her position. “I’ll remind you every day of the rest of my life if that’s what it takes for you to believe it”.

And with their eyes closed, foreheads and noses pressed together and legs tangled between each other, pulling each other close, closer - around grass and voices and his abuser pressed into the hood of a police car, they only felt each other. With their shaky breaths, even shakier voices, fearing any words that would leave them in case they triggered a cascade of tears down their oh so vulnerable cheeks, they were more than enough.

***

I hope y’all liked it!! Feel free to let me know by liking, reblogging, or sending me a message :) 

super cool kid taglist: @lady-anon-x​ @spencerreid-mgg​​ @eoupe​ @inlovewithbabygirl​ @galaxydefenderjulia​ @username2002​

[traumxrei-archive]

ok so, did i spontaneously spend my celebratory magical keys at 2am to get leona n jade SRs instead of cards of chars i didn't have yet ? yes. yes i did.

and do i regret doing so ? no. no i don't. someone make the "anything for you beyonce" vine but make it "anything for you leona n jade" bc that is me right now *circus music plays in the distance*

exhibit a: we have dummy lion acting like dummy lion. i swear this guy complains about a different thing every time he has the energy to complain. like dude, you've been at nrc for four years how are you not used to this already- (n then you find out he's catnapping during ceremonies, but don't tell him that, or else he'll whoop your ass for calling him a cat- he's a big, scary, burly lion, don't compare him to a house cat ! /s)

exhibit b: we have...tall shit #1. (bc he's not a little shit so he's a tall one, ok. and #2 is floyd.) i swear anyone else saying this wouldn't be weird, but just bc it's jade i feel like he would turn this into something troublesome. he'd go out of his way to make it awkward. (like imagine mentioning your mom jokes to him. he's gonna keep pestering you to tell him more about these "fascinating your mom jokes" bc he's never heard of them. then you'll start hearing jade make your mom jokes when he's beating ppl up for azul. you're sure you heard the student start crying right after.)

[pompouspuffball]

This Toku actually plays Twisted Wonderland now!!!

*Takes his hand without second thought* ((Was thinking about taking Jade's hand too, but like, my other friend already took his, so like, I'm taking this man's hand now 😎😎))

((Did not take any screenshots during tutorial because I already watched/read it like, 3-4 times now))

((The download period is so long tho likeeee (crying)))

I WAS SO SHOCKED. LIKE. LIKE. "WHAT. MY GACHA LUCK IS GOOD FOR ONCE????????" but no. No. It's a flicking guaranteed one.

I woke up my sibling at 2 in the morning for this (to be fair they were like "I wanna see when you're gacha-ing" sooooo)

((screenshotted PE uniform Rook because I flicking love his hairstyle there))

Rerolled for Dorm Uniform Ace!!! My sibling has Deuce, so we figured it'll be easier if I have Dorm Uniform Ace! (No objections here. His vignette has Rook there lol)

(also I love Ace I want to know more about him I support traitor Ace theory (I haven't read that theory in-depth yet by the way))

OKAY I THEN ROLLED FOR SR BEANFEST ROOK FROM RUGGIES 10× GACHA KEYS AND LIKE.

I DIDN'T GET HIM. *PUNCHES WALL*

WHAT THE FUCK!!!! I DOWNLOADED THIS GAME DURING EXAM SEASONS FOR HIM!!!!!!!! (CRYING)

((Didn't screenshot out of disbelief and rage (crying)))

So then I played the story and lessons and twistunes!!

My sibling's an expert at these, so she gives me how-tos on small things! Like what's a lesson, what does each lesson do, looping lesson, how to obtain more gems (vignettes and twistunes helps! I didn't know that! (I mean, I expected that but still.)) and also about items! (I still don't understand)

Also!! About the 250 gems on Mr. Sam's shop. That's a good thing to know.

So then I played the main story to get more gems, right?

I was surprised about more things I didn't see! Like the cutscenes when running away from the ghosts in the mines! That one's awesome! It really gives more depths about A-Deuce's squabble! Also I learned how to battle now! I understand things now! 😎

So then I finished the prologue

I was surprised about the opening being shown here!!!!!!!!

I mean, I've already seen it. But like. From Youtube. Not from the game. So seeing it here really brings out "You've started" kind of feeling. Love that.

So now I've got 250 gems......

Time to gacha

THE MAN CAME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

He came twice, likeeeeeeeeeee (Do I forgive you or no) (well. At least you came home) (I will not talk about my Project Sekai Gacha Trauma)

also screenshotted this because it's funny to me lol

[surpriserose]

Not a joke very /srs but Joshu 🥰🥰🥰🥰 and uhhhh sure how about shinobu 🥺

Goddamnit

Under the cut since its two ppl

Joshu

do I like them: fuck no <3

5 good qualities: ughhhhhghhhhhhhhghhhh

->liking yasuho is good shes the bestie

->hairstyle trailblazer

->he likes his big brother too pog i guess

->uhhhhhhh likes lobsters

->is mortal and will one day die <3

3 bad qualities:

-> fucking everything what do you want like yzvzhsjjs ive got a huge list like: misogynist

-> doesnt respect boundaries

-> did not get trapped in an infinite death loop </3

favourite episode/etc: ....okay milagro man is such a good arc despite joshu being the focus

otp: joshu x tooru 🥺🥺🥺

brotp: none he doesnt deserve friends

ot3: YOU THINK THIS MAN CAN GET ONE PARTNER LET ALONE 2??????

notp: joshu and yasuho or josuke like...why

best quote: "yasuho" said while shitting and crying

head canon: yasuho beat the shit out of him maybe a couple of times

Shinobu <3

do I like them: OMG of course 🥺 very underutilized character type of depressed cunty housewife which is the best character idc

5 good qualities:

-> shes so spiteful like honestly i really love her introduction shes not just nice shes got flaws and shes kind of mean its great

-> cat person 🥺 i also roll around on the floor near cats so

-> shes uh...dedicated....eventually and at the worst time but she is </3

-> loves crime <3<3<3

-> idk shes just a fun character like!!! I love her <3

3 bad qualities: none idc technically the spitefulness is one but i love when women are mean so <3

favourite episode/etc: literally just her introduction is so good like its perfect and shes sooooo pretty during it 🥺

otp: sorry i know ur not a fan of tomoko and shinobu but omg <3 milf4milf <3

brotp: she definitely deserves to be besties with tomoko though like!!!! Also i think if hayato is ever opening up to josuke that josuke would show up at their house one day and kind of awkwardly try and be there for shinobu you know? Like hes a nice dude and if he knew the situation i think hes showing up and being like uhhhh do you want to go to brunch????

ot3: why kosaku kira x shinobu x ayame of course 🥺🥺🥺 THE LORE

notp: i dont really have one besides the obvious stuff? If shinobu x jotaro exists like ill probably snap tho

best quote: i dont remember quotes probably whenever shes being like tch kosakus so stupid tho

head canon: NONBINARY SHINOBU REAL also maybe like once she fell in love with kosaku kira she started wearing some of her old dresses because kosaku bought them for her at the beginning of their relationship <3

[mariloveshomos]

Stranger Things Hot Takes That…

Make no Sense!

1. “Hot take, Eleven was rude to Hopper.”

Oh yeah, she totally was in the wrong for having a tantrum even though she has the vocabulary/mind of a toddler. I mean I wouldn’t like to be cooped up in the middle of the woods for almost a year. I don’t blame El for leaving, Hopper left her all alone LMFAO. (I love Hopper 😍🙏!!! /gen)

2. “Hot take, Max broke the group apart.”

I just wanna say that… Max looked out for El during season 3 so the break up with El and Mike has NOTHING to do with the group breaking up. Max distancing herself from everyone is season 4 was not a reason either, I mean she lost her brother for crying out loud 😭🙏!!! NTM she sacrificed her life for the group, like be fucking for real 😒. (Elmax and Lumax solo btw. /srs)

3. “Hot take, Robin served no purpose.”

Don’t disrespect Robin Buckley to [MARI], he will eat you alive. I would like to say that Robin was a huge W for cracking the code 😘!!! She also helped Nancy in season 4 to meet Victor Kreel. So like in all seriousness, she did serve a purpose and her coming out speech to Steve is the best. NTM Robin haters are the ones who feel bad for Steve getting his heart broken, like if he is really that butt hurt I could treat him 100% better!!! (Steve x [MARI] and Robin x [MARI]>>>.))

IMPORTANT!!

The majority of this is BIASED.

[satanisnotapogostick]

sam playlist liner notes

1. jesse got trapped in a coal mine – goodnight, texas

dean picking sam up from stanford in the pilot: jesse getting trapped in the coal mine

(he never DID marry his girl)

2. me and bobby mcgee – kris kristofferson

to me, me and bobby mcgee is about when sam runs away from dean and hangs out with meg before she outs herself as a demon

3. dorothy - mewithoutYou

“one turned into sr. Margaret, and I said "if you can change your shape that easily can you take the form of my dead father?”… then last night I was somewhere near virginia rebuking satan with ironic faithfulness. and satan turned to me: have you thought much about that cry?"

lucifer AND john themes???? yes.

4. life during wartime – talking heads

this song is sam adjusting to being a hunter and being at war, where he’ll stay for the rest of his life <3

5. this is how we do things in the country – slim cessna’s auto club

ok so this song is about sam killing madison. when you murder the girl you’re sweet on but it’s righteous and everyone thanks you for it. this is how it’s always been! this is how we do things in the country! (and also getting amy killed, a little bit, but that hasn’t happened yet. this is still early seasons)

6. clampdown – the clamp

“the voices in your head are calling. stop wasting your time, there's nothing coming, only a fool would think someone could save you… but you grow up and you calm down, and you're working for the clampdown.”

damn maybe we’re not the good guys. anyway!!

7. smith & jones forever – silver jews

smith & jones (salmondean) together!! forever!!

8. everything you did – steely dan

oh bro you slutted around with a demon and let satan out. what have you done

9. tortoises all the way down - mewithoutYou

“everybody knows, son. everybody knows what you've done!!”

just crazyass guilt song

10. up jumped the devil – nick cave

the tiger. he destroyed his cage. yes. YES. the tiger is out.

11. (ghost) riders in the sky – marty robbins

“then cowboy change your ways today or with us you will ride. tryin’ to catch the devil herd across these endless skies”

just s5 endless chase vibes

12. needle in the hay – elliott smith

demon blood detox time baby

13. emperor – mark lanegan

“why can’t I get right? all these demons to enslave me. who’s left to fight? oh, just the emperor.” the emperor being lucifer. obviously.

14. skating away (on the thin ice of a new day) – jethro tull

they have the horseman rings!! sam’s about to jump into the cage!! your world is about to end, but it’s okay!! you’ve done it!!

15. the passenger – iggy pop

and lol now he’s possessed by lucifer

16. the mercy seat – nick cave

okay now we’re at stull and he’s REALLY going to the gallows (jumping in)

17. when you die - MGMT

I imagine this song happening during the fall itself from stull into the cage. honestly this is a weaker entry but like. haha tfw you die

18. fifteen feet of pure white snow – nick cave

thee cage song.

“I waved to my neighbot, my neighbor waved to me. but my neighbor is my enemy. I kept waving my arms til I could not see, under fifteen feet of pure white snow. is anyone out there please? it’s too quiet in here and I’ve beginning to freeze. I’ve got icicles hanging from my knees, under fifteen feet of pure white snow”

you’ve even got icy temperature themes!

19. loverman – nick cave

yeah <3

“there’s a devil waiting outside your door (how much longer?) there’s a devil waiting outside your door and he’s bucking and braying and pawing at the floor and he’s howling with pain and crawling up the walls…. loverman!!! till the bitter end!!! while empires burn down forever and ever and ever and ever amen”

nick cave count: 4

20. satan it’s you – jett screams

@polishnatural recommendation. cellmates (and bunk buddies) with the devil in hell type vibes

21. relax, take it easy - mika

the war has already been won and nothing that happens in here has any effect on the real world. why not relax into the simplicity of it all!! (sometimes it’s just better when things are bad type vibes)

22. don’t lose your temper - xtc

we’re out of the cage! and starting strong with a mocking song bc he already lost his temper and grew mild and that’s why he’s too tired to fight. so this is the only hallucifer era song on the playlist

23. first wave intact – secret machines

war metaphors. extended wars. unwinnable wars.

“I wonder what you're waiting for. I wonder what you're working for. I wonder what you're living for. I wonder what you're dying for”

same king

24. mexican war streets - mewithoutYou

“but how long before our tails are caught by our "free" thought?” INDEED

“nature had another plan (& failed to run it by me!) nature had another plan, some other surrogate self to live in the sediment of so many somebody elses' innumerable lives and you were right: it's not a person who dies but worlds die inside us”

SO TRUE. we’re fully breaking into late seasons here

mwY count: 3

25. screen shot - swans

these are all sam’s meditation mantras. he’s offering a course: how to become okay with really horrible situations that you are also complicit in. “love! now! breathe! now! love! now! breathe! now!”

26. god’s away on business – tom waits

IT WASN’T GOD IN YOUR HEAD SAM

27. when the lights come on – they might be giants

when the lights come on (when lucifer brings you back to life)

28. light’s on

TWO songs about sam’s resurrection at lucifer’s hands??? yeah ;)

“the lights are on, you don’t know just who your friends are. the lights are on, and it’s light you’ll never know”

29. devil’s resting place – laura marling

I mean. yeah. his time in the cage with the devil coming back to haunt him

30. failure - swans

see my edit that I won’t link bc I can’t find. but anyway yeah. this guy fails a lot

31. last song about satan – slim cessna’s auto club

ding dong the devil is dead!!

32. president – max frost

@girlkingsam recommendation. late seasons sam vibes for sure. plus this song can be read as being about hell politics which is fun. I don’t give a damn who’s president (of hell)!

33. the road goes on forever – the highwayen

cycles of violence, etc. the road goes on forever, nothing ever (really) changes. (also yes sonny is dean and sherry is sam. I guess)

34. careers in combat – parquet courts

the namesake of my little fanfiction.

“there are no more summer lifeguard jobs, there are no more art museums to guard. the lab is out of white lab coats cause there are no more slides and microscopes. but there are still careers in combat my son!!!”

king of hell ending please please you’re nothing. anyway he’s been at war his whole life and war is his legacy. anyway.

[twstarchives]

This Happens, and I...

Card: Lab Coat - SR Characters: Epel, Crewel, Jack, Cater, Vil (mentioned) Notes: Connected to Lilia Lab Coat

Chapter 1

—ALCHEMY WORKSHOP—

Crewel: The lambent flower, as its name suggests, is a plant that radiates light.

This plant is able to convert various nutrients into magic power and store them.

When it blooms, it releases all of the magic it had saved, making it give off a radiant shine.

Its petals won’t stop giving off that magic after it blooms, so it withers very quickly, and it’s difficult to breed them.

In fact, our own school’s botanical garden has hardly any at all.

For our Magic Potions lab today, we’ll be using nectar from lambent flowers.

Obviously, this nectar is extremely valuable. So be very careful when you take some from the jar with your droppers, puppies...

(Shatter!)

Epel: AHH?!

Crewel: The puppy that barked just now...

You’re Pomefiore’s Epel Felmier, yes? If you have a question, then quietly raise your hand.

Epel: I don’t have a question, I just... um...

I hit the jar of lambent flower nectar with my elbow... and broke it.

Crewel: You what?! ...Y-You spilt more than half of it!

Epel: I-I’m sorry... I-I was careless...

Classmate A: Oh, no... You really screwed up. See you on the other side, Epel.

Epel: Huh?

Jack: I heard from one of my seniors that if you make Professor Crewel mad, your life as a human ends for good.

They said he “disciplines” any student who makes some stupid mistake till they’re bowing on the floor crying their eyes out.

Epel: Th-They’re just exaggerating...

Crewel: Exaggerating. Yes, exactly, only exaggerating. That comment made it very clear what your stance is on this.

First you waste valuable lab ingredients, and then brush it off like that...

You’ve got some nerve, you mutt!!

          (Crewel brings out his whip)

Epel: Ahh!!

Jack: Th-That had a lot of force there.

Epel: I-I’m sorry... I really am! It wasn’t on purpose...

Crewel: Be quiet! Bad boys who make excuses must be punished.

You spilt one teacup’s worth of nectar. Collect that much again, and don’t miss a single drop.

I’ll give you... yes, two months to do this. If you don’t have it all collected by then...

You know what’ll become of you, don’t you?

Epel: ...*Gulps*

(W-Well, he gave me a chance to make up for myself. I gotta break my neck tryin’!)

Yes, I understand. I’ll go and get back all the nectar I wasted.

Classmate B: ...No way Epel’s really gonna be able to do it. He looks like seeing a bug would be enough to send him screaming bloody murder.

Classmate C: He should just call it quits and tell him “I can’t do it” while he still can. That pretty boy’s got too much pride.

Classmate A: Oi, cut him some slack!

What are you going to do when that sheltered little boy starts bawling his eyes out? Hahaha!

Epel: ......

—BOTANICAL GARDEN - TEMPERATE ZONE—

Epel: I’m getting that lambent flower nectar no matter what!!

...It’s been a week since I promised myself that. I’ve been coming to the botanical garden to check on the flowers everyday, but...

I only planted five flowers, and they’re still just buds. I can’t get their nectar if they don’t bloom...

But even if they did bloom, I still only have five flowers—I wouldn’t even be able to get a whole spoonful of nectar.

And I have to get an entire teacup full? How am I supposed to do this?

Cater: What’s this~? I see Mr. Cutie from Pomefiore over there!

Epel: That voice... That’s gotta be Cater-san.

How many times do I have to tell you? My name’s not “Cutie,” it’s Epel.

Cater: Yup, yup, you’re as cute as ever today ♪

Have you thought about starting a Magicam yet? I could show you how.

I’ve said this before, but I think someone as cute as you could absolutely be an influencer~

Epel: ....Hah. Right now, I don’t have the time for that.

Cater: What’s the matter? You look glum.

Epel: Well...

Cater: So Professor Crewel told you to bring him one teacup’s worth of lambent flower nectar... I see.

Epel-chan, you poor thing. Wasn’t it obvious this was impossible from the start?

Epel: Huh?

Cater: Lambent flowers take about two to three years to bloom after they bud.

Epel: Whaaat?! T-Two to three years?!

Cater: That’s how long it takes to build up enough of that magic power they need to bloom.

So I don’t think there’s any way you could get a whole teacup in two months.

Epel: S-So then why did Professor Crewel tell me I only had two months to get the nectar?

Cater: Well, he lives by the motto “Discipline your dog till it stops biting the hand that feeds it.”

Epel: Discipline...?

Cater: He’s probably waiting for you to come crying “I can’t do this anymore~!” to him.

Epel: S-So, you mean... He was just being mean from the start?!

Cater: You got it~♪

Well, maybe it’s better to say it’s just his teaching style.

Huh? Epel-chan, are you listening?

Epel: ......

I... I’m not the best at studying... and yeah, I make a lot of mistakes... but... I always try to fix them...

And I... just want to be acknowledged...

So when he gave me a second chance, I thought “I have to put in everything I’ve got”...

But he was just being mean... My classmates were making fun of me too... I can’t believe this...

Cater: Wait, you’re actually really shocked?!

Epel: This happens, and I... I... and everyone got to... ah!

Cater: Hey, don’t cry, Epel-chan...

Epel: ...I want to prove them all wrong!!

Cater: That option?!

E-Epel-chan, you’ve actually pretty competitive, huh?

Epel: I'm not a mutt... or a pretty boy!

Cater: I think it’d be better if you apologized while you’ve still got time. ‘Cause this was an impossible game from the start...

Epel: It... can’t be impossible. I’m going to outsmart all of them!

Chapter 2

—INTERIOR HALLWAY—

Cater: Oh~? Are you heading back now, Epel-chan? Then let’s go to the Mostro Lounge together ♪

What do you say about making your Magicam debut by taking a selfie with me against a super aesthetic café backdrop?

Epel: Cater-san... Sorry, I can’t today, I think. I have to go to the botanical garden.

Cater: Botanical garden... What?

Are you still collecting lambent flower nectar because you want to prove yourself to Professor Crewel?

Epel: Yes, of course I am!

This is compensation for the valuable nectar I spilt. I’m going to pay it back.

Cater: You sure are stubborn. But remember we talked about how this was impossible from the start?

Apologizing ASAP will make everything sting less.

If you’re scared of Professor Crewel, want me to come with you?

Epel: C’mon! I thought I already told you “it can’t be impossible.”

Cater: Huh? What do you mean...?

Epel: Hehe... Here, come with me. I’ll show you something cool.

—BOTANICAL GARDEN - TEMPERATE ZONE—

Cater: Epel-chan, where are we going? We’re already really far into the botanical garden...

Epel: We’re almost there. Oh, here, I can see it.

Cater: Huh? Is something here...? Wait...

Whaaaaaat?

The flower bed is full of blooming lambent flowers!

Huh? You only had like five before, right? How many hundreds is this?

Plus they all look strong, and they’re already blooming flowers... No way...

How’d you do this?!

Epel: Hehe, it was as easy as a can of—er! It was very easy!

Remember what you told me, Cater-san?

About it taking time for lambent flowers to build up enough magic power to bloom?

Cater: Oh yeah, I remember.

Epel: Hearing what you said reminded me of something the teacher told us during class.

Crewel: This plant is able to convert various nutrients into magic power and store them.

When it blooms, it releases all of the magic it had saved, making it give off a radiant shine.

Epel: And in that case, if I just keep giving it nutrients, it’ll collect more and more magic and bloom quicker!

...Maybe? That’s what I thought.

But the store-bought soil you use for growing regular flowers wouldn’t work at all...

So I decided to give it a special fertilizer packed full of lots more nutrients everyday.

Cater: A special fertilizer?

Epel: I made it myself!

Cater: You say that in such a cute tone, like you just baked some sweets... but fertilizer, huh? You made some?

Epel: Yeah! It’s all inside this bag...

Cater: THAT STINKS!!

*Cough*... Wait... It’s making my eyes and nose burn!! What’s that disgusting smell?!

Epel: Ahaha, isn’t it normal for fertilizer to smell?

Cater: This is not normal!! This doesn’t bother you at all, Epel-chan?

Epel: It’s not that it doesn’t bother me, it’s just I’m used to field wor—wait, no, um... I’m used to gardening.

There’s so much fertilizer right at your disposal at this school! You could get as much food scraps as you want in the cafeteria.

Cater: Food scraps?!

Epel: And the most important thing to make this special fertilizer is...

Horse shit!

Cater: Horse... huh, what?

I just heard a word I never thought I’d hear coming out of the mouth of our delicate Epel-chan...

Epel: It’s horse shit. A horse’s dung. I’ve been getting some everyday from the horse-riding club.

The horses at this school eat really well, so they make loads of it everyday. It really helped me out.

Horse shit doesn’t just help grow the plants; it nurtures the soil too. It’s really the best fertilizer you could get!

Cater: D-Do you have to keep saying it so many times? Cay-kun is getting shaken up...

Umm, so, you’ve been collecting food scraps and horse dung everyday for two months...

Then mixed it together to make a suuuper smelly fertilizer, and that made the lambent flowers bloom at a crazy speed...?

Epel: Yeah!

Cater: Epel-chan, I can’t believe you! You’re way bolder than you look!

I’m actually blown away!

Crewel: Just when I thought I heard a ruckus over here... this is an odd pair. What are you doing in the botanical garden?

Hm? Don’t tell me I’m seeing... lambent flowers blooming in that flower bed?!

Epel: Professor Crewel, what do you think? I grew lambent flowers!

I’m really close to being able to get you one teacup’s worth of nectar... Please wait a little while.

If you’d like, I could even get a whole teapot’s worth.

Crewel: Heheh, hahaha! And here I thought you’d surely tuck your tail and come crying miserably to me... I didn’t see this coming.

You must have needed an extraordinary amount of dedication to raise lambent flowers up to this point, since they die so easily.

You’re a much pluckier puppy than I’d taken you for. Good boy, Epel Felmier.

Epel: Thank you...!

Crewel: However, don’t think I’m going to be lenient with your class and exam grades just because of this.

I’m just holding you in the same regard as the other puppies now.

This recognition is simply for making up for your shortcomings.

Epel: Yes, I understand. I’ll continue working as hard as I can from now on.

Crewel: Good answer. ...Keep this up and prove yourself to the other students too.

Epel: Okay!!

Cater: ...There you go! “Good boy” is Professor Crewel’s biggest compliment!

Epel: Ehehe...

Cater: All’s well that ends well, huh? ♪ Man, but anyway...

The sparkly, shiny lambent flowers, and a smiley Epel-chan. You wouldn’t even have to edit this; it’s already super photogenic.

Hey~ Is now the right time to make a Magicam account? I’m sure you’d go viral!

Epel: I’m sorry. I’m going to go to the library now... to study!

I’m going to keep doing my best in Potions... and maybe... I’ll even be able to surpass the Dorm Leader!

See you later, Cater-san. Excuse me!

Cater: Ehh~! Don’t be so cold~ Your super nice senior¹ will help you study~!

1. Your super nice senior

Cater refers to himself as “oniisan” (big brother), but I tried to substitute with something more fluent-sounding that still conveys a similar feeling of familiarity/him being “older”

[dappersheep]

Food Fantasy: An Analysis on what killed a Golden Goose (1/3)

So first things first, disclaimers! I do not claim nor pretend to know every nook and cranny, ins and outs of the history of FooFan's conception, existence and uncertain future. I do not own the game nor its characters, only the opinions and thoughts stated hereon out.

This was born to vent out my frustrations with how a game like this was abused poorly by its own developer and publisher instead of being nurtured to become its full potential that could have overshadowed and remained better than the likes of Tencent's Tales of Food --I could dream, but it honestly had the potential to be.

Out of respect for the main tag, I personally will not be tagging this post and the following two with the main tag. If you want to tag it yourself with it, that's your choice. Only followers of my blog will see this.

This analysis is divided into three parts: Funtoy, Elex, and the Community. It starts under the cut. Well let's get started.

Funtoy

Ah yes, the creator. The developer. You'd think that with their sudden rise to fame during their global launch, they'd have used the massive profits they earned within the first quarter of 2018 to improve certain things about the game and then trickled it down as quickly as possible towards Global, right? Yeah, I thought so too.

After playing the game since launch, I've seen and experienced way too many things that just hammer in the fact that this is one of the most unfair gacha I've played in years. Some reasons being the following:

(Note: These are experiences ONLY on Global's version, it may also apply to CN being the original server)

⦁ The game's gacha model is aimed towards maximum predation on its players. F2p are forced to either spend some money (and thus tempt them to keep spending after getting a taste of it), or risk not even getting a good ascension of the unit to be useful at all. Paying for the event packs also doesn't guarantee that you would be able to secure a spot in the ranks. In fact, if you can't comprehend how the battle mechanics work, you could even de-rank. Fun way to burn that 800$, huh? At least you have the skin from rebates.

⦁ A little less known thing and probably theoretical at worst, the long joked about spaghetti coding of the game along with an outdated spine technology for the sprites could very well be the reason why a 2D game like this experiences the shittiest lags. Also how easy it is to hack this game with the right know-how.

⦁ Speaking of bad gameplay mechanics, did you know you could spend over fifty Mirrors and not get that final enhancement from +9 to +10 simply because there's absolutely no tangible safety net before +10?

⦁ If you're F2P, this game is terrible in giving you resources to stockpile. Because Funtoy certainly doesn't have a lot of weekly/monthly or even friendly events wherein you can get resources without spending another kind of resource. The Hawthorne event's rewards are lackluster at best, Bingo is severely limited in what it gives, and Recall also doesn't give much for a big event that only happens (supposedly) every 6 months. Did I also mention that daily resource rewards also kinda suck compared to how much you burn in just one event?

⦁ Monthly subs are a scam. Yes, you heard that right. My point of comparison here is Arknights. A monthly in AK allows you to have enough to 10-pull after 30 days, on top of a bit of stamina to help you. In FooFan? You have two monthly subs that do different things and even then, you won't have enough to 10-pull by the end of 30 days, nor is the stamina you get enough to even stockpile and ease the pressure of your need to save for the Gates or that stamina event that suddenly popped up.

⦁ A conga line of 'Must procure this unit at a high ascension to do well in the following events!'. You missed the first Pizza event? Missed the first Turkey event? God forbid, you weren't able to 5* your Beer on his debut? Well sorry, that 5* Black Tea of yours isn't gonna do squat to give you good damage. No, your 2* B-52 also isn't going to do much of anything with his lackluster damage capabilities. If you want a chance to get those event URs again, you have to wait for their pool with laughably limited pulls... and a bloated price to even pull.

⦁ The events starting after the first iteration of Turkey event get even more paywalled. As far as I remember, by the time Minestrone rolled around, an F2P with ample crystal resources can only get 2* at best. 3* and above are paywalled.

⦁ The game has incompetent balancing. The devs themselves likely have little experience in gameplay design and balancing, especially for a game with a growing roster of characters . A prime example of them launching a character not knowing it would pretty much unbalance the game? Look no further than Beer. The guy had to have a couple of nerfs done to him because he was just too meta. You know what's sadder? Before the 'switch' to Brave meta, almost all meta units was built to benefit off the Beer meta.

⦁ Artifacts. Do I even have to explain how the introduction of such a game feature so early into the lifespan of this game essentially fucked over the balance even more? Not to mention, all the more reason you'd be crying with the Gates of Trials demanding so much out of your stamina and crystal resources. F2Ps are again, the ones that suffer in this part. What's their reason? Profit, of course.

⦁ The nerf of resto chests. This was the primary source for people who were saving up stamina for the Gates... until Funtoy decided they were being too generous to their playerbase and dropped the stamina probability rate to 1% or less.

⦁ Terrible UI layout and design. Come on, be honest now, you've lost several thousand of your hard earned crystals buying screws in the fishing shop because you didn't notice that shiny warning in small text and a green button with the crystal image slapped on it, didn't you?

⦁ Look at all these SRs! All of them! Wow, they even outnumber the Rs by at least 80! What's that? There's more URs now too compared to Rs and Ms combined? That can't be real. But seriously, you'd think Funtoy could make some of these SRs into Rs and add them to the perm pool/shard fusion so people aren't stuck pulling Macaron or Dorayaki every time. They could have also populated the Team Up rewards with SRs instead of Rs. But you know... that won't bring them profit. Haha... haha.... Oh and I haven't even told you about the SP class...!

⦁ Lore. Yes, I'm sure by now you're aware that the in-game lore is different from the ones in the non-SP Food Soul bios, in the SP Food Soul bios that sort of ties in with the New World story (that global will never be getting btw). At this point, Funtoy handwaves the confusion away by saying, 'they're all different timelines'. Yes yes, an easy and cliche move to explain how shitty the writing direction went after a while. I don't know what happened, all I know is that lore got weird(er) when they introduced SP Rice.

⦁ They. Keep. Adding. More. Characters! They fail to see that a lot of their earlier players have imprinted on the first few waves of Food Souls and they sadly also fail to properly give some of them more story expansion... or skins. At the moment, they're shelling out so many JP-centric Food Souls because... as I see it? They're pandering to the last bastion of whales they have.

⦁ Merchandise. And I mean a variety of merchandise that isn't using the same official art every time. Like they couldn't afford to commission a couple of artists one or two times to make unique merchandise that would sell. They started too late on that train, and they even made it too hard for anyone not in CN or JP to even procure what already exists. Not to mention, they keep using the same 'popular' set of characters for their merchandise and never really expanding out to making merch for other characters.

These are all the things I can list off at the top of my head why Funtoy as a developer sucks ass. They could sweeten their words all they want, it won't change the fact that they've certainly made way too many bad decisions and found out about it too late, and now they're desperate to keep Food Fantasy alive to keep their profits coming in to make whatever that cat girl game they have and that supposedly 'side-game' FF2 they announced.

There may have been problems out of their control that I or you do not see, but one thing is for sure, they were blinded by greed for the money they were raking in on all their servers at the start, and never actually bothered to invest in more manpower in the right places to improve the game, both gameplay-wise and worldbuilding wise. It's actually saddening that this game could have been so much more with several QoLs and a more fleshed out lore, perhaps even spacing out the number of new units they keep introducing while going back to giving their old units more attention.

That's it for Funtoy. We're moving onto Elex in the next part and boy is that also a trip.

[brainwashingdetective]

A3! Translation: SR Yuki Rurikawa [Winter Workers] - The Plushie That’s Constantly Laughing, Part 2

After a particularly rough day, Izumi sees Yuki’s laughing plushie, and...

------------------

Izumi: It’s laughing harder than I thought…

Kumon: Wow! It’s so funny!

Plushie: “Wow! It’s so funny! Kyahahahahaha!”

Yuki: It’s laughing way too loud… Don’t you think it’s really weird that it looks like this but laughs like that?

Kazunari: The weirdness is what makes it so popular! The gap between its cute appearance and its wild laughter is so endearing!

Plushie: “Its wild laughter is so endearing! Kyahahahahaha!”

Homare: How marvelous! Hand it over, I have a poem…

Yuki: No way. We don’t need more noise.

Homare: How could you say that, Yuki-kun!

Plushie: “How could you say that, Yuki-kun! Kyahahahahaha!”

Izumi: Well, it’s certainly something you have to get used to listening to…

Yuki: You think?

Kumon: I wanna talk to it next! I wonder what I should say~!

Izumi: Haha, it looks like everyone’s having fun.

Yuki: …I guess that’s fine.

------------------

Izumi: I’m home! Ugh, today was exhausting…

(Today wasn’t my lucky day, that’s for sure…)

Plushie: ……

Izumi: Oh… It’s Yuki-kun’s plushie.

(I’m sure it’ll laugh away regardless of what you say to it.)

…Actually, maybe I could have it comfort me a little.

Today, the limited-time curry I wanted to try was sold out right in front of me, and then my shoelace snapped while I was tying it. My day was terrible…

Plushie: ……

Izumi: Huh? It’s not talking? Did it already break…?

Yuki: It’s just turned off. Here.

*flips switch*

Izumi: Yuki-kun?!

Plushie: “Yuki-kun?! Kyahahahahaha!”

Izumi: Woah!

Yuki: Why are you surprised? You wanted it to comfort you.

Izumi: It was just so sudden… Wait, how did you know I wanted to be comforted?

Yuki: You said it yourself, didn’t you? “Maybe I could have it comfort me.”

Izumi: Since when have you been listening in…?

Yuki: Since you started talking to a lonely stuffed animal all by yourself.

Izumi: So you heard it all from the start?!

Option 1: It’s kinda embarrassing

Izumi: That must’ve been strange to watch. It’s kinda embarrassing…

Yuki: Well, I didn’t expect you to do something like that.

Izumi: Ahaha… Perhaps, but I was complaining pretty hard.

Yuki: That’s what you’re worried about? It’s no biggie.

Sometimes, you just wanna complain to someone, right?

…And I’d get worried if you ended up pushing yourself too hard and collapsed.

Option 2: You should’ve come in.

Izumi: You should’ve come in if you had something to do in the lounge.

Yuki: It’s not like I had anything to do here. I just thought you didn’t want to be seen like that.

Well, I panicked and ended up saying something because I couldn’t bear to watch.

Izumi: I see. …Well that’s embarrassing.

Yuki: Don’t worry, I won’t tell anyone.

Our director wasn’t crying and clinging onto a stuffed animal…

Izumi: T-that’s not what happened!

Izumi: You know, I talked to it because I wanted to laugh it off, but I’d probably feel really bad if it actually laughed at me.

Yuki: ……

Well, it’s one of those days.

Izumi: Huh?

Yuki: I’m willing to listen to you during times like these. I’m sure it’s better than talking to a stuffed animal all by yourself.

Izumi: Yuki-kun…

Thanks! Your words just now really cheered me up! I’ll do my best tomorrow too!

Yuki: …You’re so simple.

Izumi: I'm heading off to bed. I’ll see you tomorrow!

Yuki: Good night.

Plushie: ……

Yuki: (…I should take the stuffed animal back to my room.)

------------------

Yuki: Zzz…

Tenma: Urgh…

What time is it?

(Guess I’ll go get some water…)

*thud*

W-what was that?

Plushie: “W-what was that? Kyahahahahaha!”

Tenma: GYAAAAH!!

Yuki: Ugh… You’re too loud. What now?

Tenma: Y-you… What’s that voice?!

Yuki: Oh shit. I forgot to turn it off.

Tenma: What’s with this stuffed animal…?! Hey, do something about it!

Plushie: “Hey, do something about it! Kyahahahahaha!”

Tenma: E-eep!

Yuki: I can’t believe you freaked out over some stuffed animal. This is why you’re such a hack…

Tenma: Why are you making me the bad guy here?!

------------------

Part 1

I love me some good scaredy-cat Tenma moments.

[twdmusicboxmystery]

FTWD 6x15: U.S.S. Pennsylvania - Analysis

How did everyone like this episode? I liked it a lot, and basically what happened is what we’ve been predicting for several weeks, now.

 ***As always, spoilers abound for 6x15 below. Don’t read until you’ve watched!***

I said that they would probably set off one of the nukes, but not all of them. Clearly, it wasn’t going to be a nuclear holocaust or anything, because the TWD storyline is 6 years in the future compared to Fear, and we haven’t seen anything like that.

But in the end, they launched 1 missile that has 10 warheads on it. And Teddy specifically said it might be heading toward water. So we’re right on track with the idea of them poisoning the water this way.

Okay, let's get into details. We start with the wind blowing, and showing the church doors waving back and forth, and a rusted, decrepit merry-go-round. All of these things are foreshadows of what is going to happen. The events in this episode will probably play a huge role in the end of the world. Not just the zombie apocalypse, but potentially killing of humanity for good. Obviously, I don't think that's going happen. But I think all the people in TWD universal will be grappling with that moving forward.

We saw quite a few round wheels divided into three sections while aboard the submarine. Now, I get that this is just what submarines look like. They often use doors and hatches that make use of these wheels to open them. But we saw something like this in the background of almost every scene of the entire episode, and the camera focused on them lot. They really wanted us to notice it. They look a lot like one of the poison/hazard signs we often see. Again, not a big deal, but a foreshadow that what happens on the sub is going end up poisoning the water.

Side note: I looked up what these wheels on submarines that open, close and seal doors are called. They’re called DOGS. No lie. So we basically have tons of Sirius symbolism throughout this episode and especially all over the submarine. Just saying. :D

The basic gist of what happens here is that Morgan's group goes in and tries to stop the missiles from being launched. As I said, only one gets launched, which is better than all 23, but they don't entirely succeed because that one with the 10 warheads does go off. Some people wait outside, and others have gone to some sort of base or bunker to get schematics so that they can talk Morgan's group through where to go once inside the enormous submarine.

We learned that Riley was an officer on the boat, which is how he knows about all of this. Morgan goes down first, but Grace quickly follows. She stays near the hatch to use the radio and communicate between the group going deeper into the sub, because the communications will be cut off, and the people outside. They also learned that there might be as many as 150 walkers in the submarine because that's how many crew were in there and for all they know, the entire crew died in the sub.

I don't have any massive theories about this number but hundred and 50 is a 10x multiple of 15. And that just goes back to Gimple saying he has through season 15 of the show planned out.

I think it's interesting that the interior of the submarine is bright yellow. Again, this might be common for subs—I really don't know—but it's interesting that the outside of the sub is bright red in the inside is bright yellow.

Once they’re in, they start speaking to Teddy via the comm system. I thought it was interesting that once he realized it was John Dorie, Sr speaking to him, he got very agitated.

Strand and Morgan end up in one of the deeper rooms together, trying to find a way to where Teddy is. They learn that the radiation in the path they’re trying to take is very high and will more than likely kill them. Strand wants to find another way. Morgan doesn't. Finally, Morgan relents and goes with Strand, but they soon find themselves trapped with no way through.

Then Strand does something interesting. He basically throws Morgan to the wolves by kicking him towards walkers and leaving him there so Strand himself can escape.

On the surface, this definitely feels like a Shane moment. Strand sacrificed Morgan (just as Shane did Otis in S2) so he could escape himself. But later on, when Morgan makes it out okay, Strand says the reason he did it was because he knew if he pushed Morgan to the point where he had to survive and was on the verge of death, he’d find a way to do it, and Morgan did. So, he makes it sound like this was his plan all along.

It’s basically the, "it went the way it had to; the way it was always going to” theme. Even though no one actually says that, so there’s no dialogue parallel, that's basically what Strand is arguing here. But why would they put that theme here?

Let me explain. Understand, I'm really not suggesting that this is okay or that we should trust Strand in anything. He’s clearly okay with throwing people under the bus so that he can survive, which is not cool. I also do think that this is a massive theme and there’s symbolism going on here.

Morgan was thrown to a group of walkers who then surrounded and piled on top of him. That's pretty much with what we think happened with Beth except she was in the car and had that for protection.

And how did Morgan escape? They don't show us. We don't know. Very similar to when Rick got stuck in the RV in 6x03 and somehow miraculously escaped. I'm not saying all these instances are terribly realistic, but there’s a theme about being surrounded by walkers and that, for all intents and purposes, the character should have died, but somehow, they make it out alive.

So this is a very Beth-ish theme. In the episode, Dakota even says over the radio that Strand killed Morgan, which makes Grace cry. But then he shows up again. So, this is a very tiny death, fake out, and resurrection.

But there’s a more practical product of Strand’s actions here as well. Morgan manages to steal a bunch of key cards (yes, the “keys”) to the room Teddy is in. That would not have happened if Strand had not sacrificed Morgan and left him behind. They would have simply been locked outside the room and all 23 of the missiles would have been launched, more than likely resulting in some kind of nuclear winter. The ONLY reason they were able to prevent as much as they did is because Strand left Morgan behind.

See where I’m going with this? Much as with Beth, according to Father Gabriel was “sacrificed” and left behind, Morgan was, too. And he returned with the keys that saved everyone.

I really do think the same will be true Beth. It will be one of these things where only because she was left behind and knows what she knows about the CRM will team family have any hope of winning the war or surviving in the long term. That's the whole function of her arc of being left behind. It’s why we saw the keys at Grady in Coda. Because what happened there will be the key to saving everyone much farther down the line.

From a Christian symbolism perspective, let’s just appreciate that there were plenty of his followers who mourned him and thought him dead for good because they didn’t understand the resurrection angle. They were shocked when he suddenly stood before him again. Happy, but shocked.

That’s basically the effect tptb are trying to create here with both TF and the audience. That’s why all the misdirection and evasion. That’s why the death fake out. It’s a long game, but it’s really kind of genius.

Anyway, that’s why we saw this whole Strand/Morgan sequence in this episode. It’s a template for what happened with Beth.

Every time we see something like this, it also puts me in mind of what happened with Sasha. We don’t know exactly what it is, yet, but Father Gabriel, in 5x16, accused her of sacrificing one of their own. You could take FG’s entire speech from that episode and apply it to this smaller situation with Morgan and Strand and it would work across the board. So, whatever happened during those missing 17 days, Sasha is in Strand’s position in the template and did something to “sacrifice” Beth.

But I digress…

While standing in front of the door, Strand and Morgan also see a woman who looks like a civilian. Strand says she's probably one of Teddy's people because she's not wearing any kind of Navy uniform. She's wearing almost entirely blue with specs of yellow on her shirt.

The other symbol we saw a lot of here is walkers handcuffed to various places in the submarine. Some of them are handcuffed in their bunks. Others to the stations that were manning when they died. It reminds me of the random handcuffed Daryl found in S8.

In that case, there was no one in it, which suggests escape from captivity (*coughs Beth*). Here, the people are all still in handcuffs and they clearly died and became walkers. So, it's sort of a death while in captivity sort of theme. And I'm not sure how to relate it to Beth, exactly, except that it's an anti-parallel. But I'm absolutely certain it's intentional and we should take note of it.

It took two keys, which is important (2 Theory) to launch the first missile.

Teddy says that one is enough to get them started, and he doesn’t say exactly where it's going or what places he’s targeted, but he says they will be hard to miss. I’m hoping they tell us what the targets were in 6x16 next week. Since they’re in Texas, the targets may play heavily into Texas and Eugene themes. But we’ll just have to wait and see.

Then Teddy literally says this of where the missiles might be going:

"Maybe toward the water—oh." He goes on to say more. The “oh” is a realization of something. But it caught my eye that we had the water mention and the “oh” in the same sentence.

Morgan basically lets John and Riley go. This is the only super unrealistic thing I noticed in this episode. Why would you let them go so they can continue their evil plan? But clearly their time in the story isn’t up and the writers need them to be around for whatever will happen next.

Two more symbols to take note of before I end.

Morgan's ax is broken. I really think this is probably a symbol of the world he’s been trying to create being over. Remember that he put the ax outside the community as a symbol of solidarity and peace. Now it's broken, which means that peace is broken. And no matter what happens, they will probably never have the community Grace saw in her dream. It doesn't surprise me because I figured at some point, the characters from Fear will cross back over to the main show or else to the spinoff. This is just a symbol that the wonderful, peaceful world that Morgan was trying to create pretty much ended when this missile was launched.

Going back to the beginning of the episode when it showed the wind blowing through the church doors and the defunct merry-go-round (which represents his and Grace's relationship), this is why the symbols are so potent. It foreshadows that all the good things that they built up so far are about to end.

Finally, they started with 23 missiles in the submarine. They launched one. Which means there are 22 left. Check out @frangipanilove’s 22 theory for why that's so important.

How did everyone else like the episode? Did you see anything I missed?