#I Cannot stand Robert. sorry guys there is no character that annoys me as much except for Edna

[jimmyandthegiraffes]

I only watch downton abbey for the evil gay people so what the HELL am I supposed to do when they’re not being evil and then one of them fucking leaves

[scrapyardboyfriends]

So I finally caught up on the like three and a half weeks of Emmerdale that I had missed/skipped...

It wasn’t as terrible as I thought it would be so that’s something. I think I’m just still in that period where I’m just happy to see more people in the pub interacting and stuff. I don’t know. Haha. 

Chas was of course absolutely horrible for so much of it. I just kept correcting everything she hypocritically said. And I hated that she forced Faith through another round of chemo when she didn’t want one. And I hated just as much that I had to agree with Cain in that moment. They’re both still so loathsome for so much of it that by the time we get to their little special episode where they get drunk in the pub and have their little chat, I just don’t really care. Which is a shame because they actually almost resembled the characters I used to like in those scenes. 

And I’m still just annoyed at the idea that Cain still needed to work through all of this stuff with Faith because that was really half the point of that flashback episode back in 2018 or whatever. They had worked through things. Cain was totally fine with her and before Chas even really until the stupid Nate story. And then they just forgot about that and reset to his initial issues with her and that never really rang true to me so I was just super frustrated with the whole thing. Also, it’s like they brought Faith back and knew that they were going to kill her off at the 50th anniversary and then had to make up reasons for Cain to continue to hate her for another couple years it really was very tiring and made him seem really awful and ridiculous. I don’t know, we’ll see how it goes now that he and Chas are being slightly less monstrous. 

The Faith/Eric/Brenda content was great though. I want more of that before she goes. And Mary too if they can squeeze that in maybe. 

The Chas/Al affair stuff is so cringe and I don’t know what he sees in her either cause she’s terrible to him too most of the time but also it’s kind of some of the best Chas content we’ve had in years. She’s just so ill suited for Paddy. She’s definitely like Aaron in that capacity, neither of them work with the safe, boring nice guy. They need someone with a little edge. I mean Al is no Carl (or Robert) but he’s certainly a step up from Paddy in being able to stand up to her a little bit and that’s a good thing. I feel like she thrives on a relationship where they can be a little mean to each other. Haha. I don’t know, I also look forward to it all blowing up in her face. 

The David money stuff was...ridiculous. The only thing it did for him and Vic is that it did give them at least some marginal screen time as a couple, which made me feel slightly less blah about them. 

The Nicola stuff is interesting and I like seeing Bernice and Laurel involved and I didn’t even mind Rodney. And I love seeing the King kids again even if it was all too brief. Also, Dotty is adorable. I can’t believe Jimmy still hasn’t come back or been informed though. 

The Charles/Ethan/Marcus scenes were so weird. Why is Charle THAT clingy when Manpreet is away for a bit? That was a lot. And I do not like all of those vague references to Pierce. I’m still concerned on that front. All that said, I did like Naomi and I hope we will get to see more of her. I’m still really expecting her to randomly be the “I’m sorry” girl from Nicola’s attack and that’s why she went off the grid for a while or something. Because they absolutely cannot resist having a convoluted connection to someone else in the village. 

I’m super ready for the Leyla coke story to end or reach its climax because I’m over Liam misdiagnosing her. I also still don’t quite know what the purpose of this Holly stuff is but I mean...I don’t hate it. It’s nice to remember when the show was better. Haha. 

Sandra’s fourth personality is uh...pretty horrific. Almost makes Chas look like a saint. And that’s hard to do. I don’t mind totally the idea of Liv (and Vinny) getting scammed or whatever, I just DO NOT WANT A RELAPSE. If they want to touch on it further in the future, fine, but not right now. Just let her stay sober. I did really love seeing her have actual scenes with Gabby though. I don’t understand why they cannot maintain that friendship regularly. 

Probably for the same reason Matty and Amy only get one 2/3 episode mini arc once a year and they call that a relationship. It’s so annoying. Every time I see Ash posting about being happy to be a part of Emmerdale, I’m just like “but are you though? You clean their tables and that’s about it.” I just want more for them. Amy apologist and all, but it is funny that Matty went and yelled at Suzy for being a murderer when he’s dating someone who in part caused someone else’s death and his mother directly killed someone, forcing his brother on the run. Haha. Only in soap land. 

Not that I really want more Noah the creep, but if he’s just magically fixed mostly off screen in prison the way Liv always got sober in prison, I’m going to be a bit annoyed. (I laughed when Liv said she’d followed that program. I was like...no...you just went to prison again). Also, Amelia...get yourself some self respect girl. 

Oh and if Billy and Dawn ever break up because she doesn’t want kids and he does, I’m going to be very annoyed. The number of times that plot comes up is so frustrating. Just let people A) talk about this stuff before they get married and B) just allow some couple to want kids and actually have one or C) let people both not want kids/more kids. 

That Marlon and Priya scene was really nice though. More of that please. And I hope she really is there at his wedding without her jacket. 

[masqueradeball]

How about number 3? Like, tell us all about it if you want :)

Oh my gosh 🥺 thank you so much for giving me my first ask! 💖 I'm eternally grateful I get to spill all my pheels out.

3. What is my favorite Phantom tv/film adaptation?

My absolute favorite Phantom is the 1925 Lon Chaney silent film. He just embodies everything that I like about Gaston Leroux's Erik for me and he is both horrifying and pitiable. I dislike the ending but I can live with it given it's what test audiences wanted at the time. I truly love his Red Death costume. You can find it on Youtube and the Tubi app for free.

My first runner up would be Claude Raines in the 1943 because his Erique so soft and tragic in that film I cannot help but love him. This was one was my grandma's favorite 'classic monster' movies that she loved, so I have a special place in my heart for this one. I love his hair and appreciate that he was one fine silver fox before the revenge and jealousy issues set in. The opera parts are a little boring, but the costumes and the sassy diva rival to Christine are worth the watch. We get 2 handsome Raouls who end up going to dinner together at the end of the movie and a Christine who gets to bask in the limelight of her career while not choosing any suitor, which is the best possible outcome for her. Double play for the win in my book! You can watch it for free on the Peacock app.

My next runner up is a 3 way tie between Robert Englund, Gerard Butler, and Charles Dance.

I honestly enjoy all their performances because they each bring something unique to the role.

I cannot stress enough how violent the Robert Englund version is if you want to give it a go, but Erik Destler is insane, twisted, and fabulously murdertastic in this. I love the creepy, evil vibes the man gives off. Think of this film as a time travel AU of the original novel. I feel like he nailed Leroux Erik's darker, snarky personality that some people tend to forget he had and the gothic horror parts of the original novel are there. Bonus: they keep the Faust parallels like in the novel!

I'm gonna say it: I love the Charles Dance miniseries. I know it's not the best, but damn, he is so dry and sarcastic I cannot help but enjoy his performance. I want to pinch his cheeks and smother Cherik with the love his father never gave him everytime I see him. Again, this one focuses on the operas a lot, and for me it's a bit boring. But the backgrounds, settings, and props in this thing are fantastic and the costumes are wonderful too.

That leaves Gerard Butler in the 2004 movie. No he is not the world's greatest singing Phantom, but I don't care. I absolutely love his facial expressions and body language. The Phantom is an emotional, expressive dude and the Red Death costume scene is pretty good. I love how kind and sincere Emmy feels in this film and I appreciate she's not overracting and doesn't feel fake compared to some other Christines *coughSierracough* Being the film version of the ALW musical, this Phantom story focuses on the romance and Gerard excels at that. When he and Christine are singing Past the Point of no Return, I FEEL THEIR PASSION! And that's what counts more so than hitting the same notes we've all heard a million times before.

Now for the versions in the 'I will eternally like this' category 😊 :

The Phantom of the Paradise from 1974. This is also a very violent and dark film so fair warning if you haven't seen it. It's a bizarre rock musical, but if you're weird like me and enjoy Rock & Rule or the Rocky Horror Picture Show, this might be a film you'd like too. I don't want to spoil it too much but the Faust/devil parallels are here too, as is various pop culture references. His teeth and mask are terrifyingly cool, and so is the electronic voice box he uses. It makes sense Daft Punk was inspired by this film. Maybe G1 Soundwave was inspired by this film too, but that's a debate for another day 😉

Next is the animated 1988 film. This one features animation on par with other 80s tv cartoons of the time. I love that they kept the Persian and the torture chamber from the novel. The Phantom's death scene is pretty damn epic. Christine is kind of a flake, but animated Leroux Erik is hilariously insane and terribly charming, especially when he calls himself a Don Juan. It's worth watching just for his antics and his dialouge.

You might not expect a Goosebumps episode to do a Phantom story any justice, but here we are: 1995, The Phantom of the Auditorium is a spooky fun take on the story and honestly, I'd like to see the full play the kids at that school are putting on cause it looks better than some of the live Phantom stage scenes I've seen. Both young boys playing the Phantom are fantastic actors and the plot twist at the end is great.

I absolutely have to give a shout out to Wishbone's Pantin at the Opera. He is the best, cutest, most adorable Raoul de Chagney ever and I will fight you if you dare talk smack about this version. I'm not even a Raoul stan by any means but like, this dog is precious and I enjoy this episode so much.

Also in the animated category and cute dog category is Scooby Doo Stage Fright made back in 2013. This movie is one of my fave Scooby Doo films (yes I own almost all of them on dvd) and there are multiple Phantoms, a reality tv show contest, and Fred and Daphne finally kiss each other! Lots and lots of hidden Phantom references in the background and lots of voice acting talent for those of us who appreciate that.

Now for the versions I intensely dislike 😏

The 1962 Herbert Lom version. UGH where to start. The sets are so small and everything looks dirty and of the wrong time period. The color in the film looks washed out. The clothes look too modern somehow (maybe it's their hairstyles?) and it bothers me. It feels low budget in a bad way and it shows. This phantom is not likeable or pitiable even though his backstory is similar to the Claude Raines version. He has no romantic interest in Christine, so it feels off. This guy is such an old a$$ piece of sh*t, he literally slaps Christine as she's singing for him for no damn reason. His paper mache mask looks like a Kindergartener's botched art class project. His personality is like somebody locked up cranky grandpa in the basement and he's PMS-ing because y'all forgot to give him his daily prune juice. This squatter's lair lacks creepiness, and his bizarre sidekick is annoying and yet somehow more interesting than the Phantom. The pervert manager trying to bang Christine aggravated me and simultaneously made me want to vomit. Raoul is the only likeable character in the whole damn movie. The Joan of Arc opera scene makes up for some of the film, but it's still terrible.

Next on my meh list is the 1983 made for tv movie starring Micheal York and Jane Seymour. Now, this one has some likeable and applaudable scenes: the various murders and general creepiness of the Phantom, and the lair scene when she wakes up in his bed and the Phantom gets all up in her face is so intense and so Leroux I absolutely love it. The rest of the film is a jumbled hot mess at best, but Jane Seymour is 🔥 and she gets some damn good sex, so hell yeah to that!

And lastly, I do not like the Royal Albert Hall 25th anniversary recording. I should preface this by saying it is Sierra I don't like. I like Ramin, I love Hadley, everyone else is wonderful but I cannot stand Sierra. She tries too hard to make Christine a Disney Princess- and that doesn't fly with me. It comes off as insincere or mocking the source material at best, and at worst it makes Christine look like an airheaded ditz. Apparently Sierra played Ariel at one point which is hilarious because of all the Disney princesses, I dislike her the most. But that's a different rant for another day.

And finally, the one I hate most of all:

The 1998 Argento film. This is the worst Phantom adaptation I've ever seen. It is a whole lotta nope for me. Between the rats, the unecessary and pointless telepathy, the r*pe scene, and the unfunny weird vibe from the murder going on in this film it's a disaster from start to finish. Honestly, it's the rats and his hair that bother me from a visual standpoint alone and it's beyond disgusting the way this a$$🤡 treats Christine. I don't like any of the characters in here and for good reason. It's not worth watching and if you do, be ready to bleach your brain afterwards.

💖 Sorry if this was a long read! Thanks again for giving me an ask and I will cherish it forver!!!! 💖

[lazyprinces]

ENDGAME SPOILERS!!!!!!

soo there is so much to process and these are just random thoughts

I was already crying at the initial titles. Just seeing the Marvel Studios Logo broke me. Thinking about all this journey that led to this moment, and how much it has meant for me and all the other people that were with me in that room, watching that movie with me, it killed me. The MCU means so much to me, it has been so important for me and seeing those titles really made me realise how much I’m thankful for all of this.

Tony in space. Facing his worst nightmare. So thin. So sick. So scared. So, so, so human. Which is what makes him my favourite character. Him being just human. The fact that anyone of us could be Tony Stark. Anyone of us could be Iron Man. Because he is just like us. The message to Pepper. That whole scene was heartbreaking. Seeing our favourite hero so miserable, so hopeless.

Carol rescuing Tony was veryyyy predictable but also very amazing. Her strength really amazes me every time.

Tony reunion with Pepper was everything I was waiting for. That little kiss on her cheek made my heart melt. 

Tony’s reaction to Steve questions and to his plans felt so real. Tony was sick, scared and scarred and any other reaction would have been totally unrealistic. It would have felt shallow to see Steve and Tony agreeing like their conflict had never happened. And also considering that Tony was mentally, physically and emotionally devasted that was the only reaction possible.

When we saw Thanos again for the first time I immediately understood what was going to happen. So no big fight to kill Thanos. I wasn’t expecting it but it was the most obvious way in the end. Because the survivors couldn’t have fought against Thanos with his full powers again. So it was inevitable that there would have been something else. Thor saying that he went for the head was 🔝

5 years later. Natasha that manages everything at the Avengers Headquarters. Love her red hair that fade into blonde. She is so strong and so beautiful and I love her so much. And she is so human and so devastated, too. The short scene with Steve was so soft and I wish we had more.

Big no for Thor. Honestly they did him so dirty. He had been my favourite character in Infinity War and he was too humiliated in this movie. Like some things were fun. I admit it. But it was too much. We cannot watch the final epic battle with That Thor. No.

Morgan. There’s nothing more beautiful and perfect of that scene of Tony and his daughter. Him holding her in her arms. Just thinking about it makes me cry all over again. This is so important for Tony’s arch.

I totally loved the scenes when they organise the time travels. Those little domestic scenes that we have always talked about in thousand of headcanons and fanfictions. There’s one scene with Tony, Nat and Bruce laying down on a table talking about the stones that was super cute. I could totally watch a movie with only scene like that.

I loooooooooved the time travel scenes. Especially New York, Asgard and the 70s. Like how fucking epic it is to see again in the cinema the scene of the first team up from the first Avengers. Just great. Seeing it makes me feel so empowered. And I also loved all those scenes after the New York battle. Seeing the other iconic scene with all of the avengers looking at Loki but from the other side was so cool. And then them starting to talk and joke was so fun. Also loved seeing the differences between the characters then and now. Just great. The Steve/Steve fight was epic and reminds us of how unbearable was Steve in the Avengers. (Also can we talk about the fact that to distract himself Steve used Bucky? Like, he totally knows that it is his weak point.)

The 70s with Tony meeting Howard again. Closing a circle. And Steve seeing Peggy. I almost died when I saw her.

Natalie Portman. Nothing to add. I know that many hate Jane for I don’t know why but Natalie is my favourite actress so even seeing her for just a few second was so good.

I appreciated the choice of having Thor meet his mom rather than his father or Loki.

Seeing Peter Quill dancing from outside and looking like a total idiot was epic.

Clint e Natasha. Fucking finally. Honestly the Feels. We have been so blessed. It was everything I was waiting for since 2012. (I’m totally still bitter about everything that happened in age of Ultron but that’s for another time). From the beginning when she his devastated hearing about everything that he has done. When she rescues him and they hold hands. When they understand that one of them has to die. Them holding hands again. Them fighting just like in civil war. Nat dying. It was so heartbreaking. (And also I’m still waiting to know what happened in Budapest).

When they reunite all the stones on Iron Man’s gauntlet. What a fucking powerful symbol. The strength that comes from that shot. Nothing else compares. As soon as I saw it I knew Tony was going to kill Thanos and what was the consequence. (Also this is a big fuck you to everyone that hates Tony Stark and thinks that he is not the protagonist of the mcu) One word: epic.

The 3 seconds in which everything seemed resolved and birds reappear but we know that Thanos is coming and everything is going to hell.

The big 3 ready to face Thanos. Amazing. Wonderful. Epic. Perfect scene. The 3 of them combining their skills. Steve holding the hammer. Thor saying that he knew it and all of us thinking it with him. Steve left alone against Thanos and falling down once again. And once again standing up ready to say “I could do this all day”. But then we hear Sam’s voice and all the portals start to open. And the most amazing thing I’ve ever seen begins.

All the characters appearing. The Avengers Theme that resounds in our hearts. I was literally jumping on the chair. Tears and a huge smile. Seeing all of them united and knowing that for Thanos it’s over. Steve saying Avengers Assemble. And suddenly they’re all Avengers. And we are all Avengers. And you really feel the strength and power of this story.

All the reunions that happen in the middle of the fight. Peter and Tony hugging. All of them swapping the gauntlet up to Carol. And the amazing scene of all the girls united. (And I just want to say to everyone that thinks that it was just “politically correct”: Fuck you. Because yes it was but it was also fucking important. For me and for all the other girls watching those movies with the same passion and dedication of the guys, that have all the right of feeling represented. Because when I saw all of them united I also saw myself standing with them. And I’m sure that many other girls have felt the same way. So who gives a fuck if it’s “just politically correct”).

Carol was so underused but I understand it. Firstly because she is honestly too powerful compared to the others. Secondly because Endgame was the ending of the original cycle of characters and she is going to be the beginning of the next one.

Little thougths on the final scenes because I’m still shook. Tony taking the gauntlet from Thanos. Him saying that fucking annoying line and Tony answering: “I am Iron Man”. And the circle closes. And I don’t think there’s much too add. Tony is the Marvel Cinematic Universe and without him there wouldn’t be anything else. I’m sorry but no other character has the same value. He is the protagonist and no one can change my mind. And when he says “I am Iron Man” as he snaps his fingers, and we all say it with him, it’s fucking powerful.

Tony dying sorrounded by his loved ones. Pepper’s hand on the reactor. Devastating.

Tony’s message. His voiceover that reminds me of the ending of Iron Man 3. That ends with that same line. I am Iron Man. The beginning and the end. Nothing else to add.

The funeral. Morgan watching the video. Everyone being there for Tony, the kid from Iron Man 3, Nick fury, May. Happy saying to Morgan that her dad loved cheeseburgers too. Proof that Tony Stark has an heart. All of this killed me.

Valkyrie king of New Asgard and Thor with the guardians is perfect. I think that he fits in that group much more than into the new Avengers. Quill looking at a picture of Gamora with the word “searching” hinting at the plot of the next movie.

Steve leaving and saying goodbye to Bucky with the same words of The First Avenger. So beautiful. Steve coming back and passing the shield to Sam. I agree so much with this choice. The fact that the movies ends with the dance between Steve and Peggy that we had been waiting for all this time and them kissing is just perfection.

The amazing end credits. With the signatures of the original Avengers. Ending with RDJ. Because as much as Tony is the MCU, Robert Downey Jr. is. The Marvel logo at the end with the background noise of the hammer as a tribute to the scene where Tony forged the first armour, beginning this amazing journey.

In conclusion I liked this movie much more than Infinity War. Maybe because Infinity War was a transitioning movie, very fast, very dynamics for sure but also simpler. Endgame was so full of stuff. Many things and I loved them all or almost all. The perfect conclusion for the characters and this whole cycle. And for anyone complaining about the contradiction regarding time travels, honestly it’s a movie about aliens and superheroes who cares if something doesn’t add up.

[astargatelover]

Watching The da Vinci Code for the first time - A documentation

-  About to watch The da Vinci Code for the first time. It’s about 3AM. Back of the DVD says the movie’s almost 2h30 long. Will approximately be going to bed at about 6AM. I gotta be crazy.

- Back of the DVD also says (translated from German): In the middle of the night the (…) is (…) Langdon (TOM HANKS) in the (…) director was murdered. His (?) (…) that of the Vitruvian Man (…) is the first horrible clue (…) and symbols. At the risk of his life (something something) Langdon – and from then on it’s a normal description, it’s just that that part is obscured by the library stamp. So I can confidently say I totally know what’s going on in this movie! *serious nod*

- Third highlight of the back of the DVD: Ian McKellen, grumpy-looking monk dude and a guy looking like Palpatine. And the Louvre.

- Also in the movie: Some German I don’t know (but yay!) and Paul Bettany. He’s cool; I really liked him in A Knight’s Tale.

- Let’s get this show on the road!

- …gotta update my media player. One sec!

- There we go. …where’s the always-on-top button? Ah, found it! Light’s off in my room; cinema time.

- Music’s already nice in the menu.

- Audio: English. (More nice music.) Subtitles: (Hey, they have Turkish on offer!) Off.

- (They even have subtitles for the trailers. But no extras. Am miffed. What kind of bare-bones DVD is this?!)

- 20 minutes after the first “about” up there: Play movie.

- Fancy title cards.

- Dude running. He’s gonna die; I know that much.

- Paul!

- *sigh*

- Oooooh, it’s Robert. That’s a lot of applause.

- (Btw, in case you didn’t know: I have watched Angels & Demons because I love Ernesto Olivetti a crazy amount.)

- I like Robert. Awesome presentation.

- Also like Tom Hanks. He’s great.

- Accents, y’all.

- Latin? Latin. Italian? No, definitely Latin.

- Ouch. Self-flagellation. Ooooooouch. Some religious people are crazy.

- Dude, you can barely stand. I’m a sadist and I don’t want you doing that to you.

- We’re only 10 minutes in, my goodness.

- Claustrophobia! I relate to that.

- Just let the dude take the stairs.

- Wow.

- Priests.

- Have I mentioned I’m not a big fan of catholics? Nothing personal.

- Also: Autistic Langdon, symbology special interest.

- French.

- Sophie! Heard of her.

- Strange happenings.

- Oooooooooh.

- French lady. I don’t speak French.

- *window jump scare*

- We don’t trust the police guy.

- Conspiracies!

- Fuck.

- “Once he starts, he doesn’t stop.” He’s like Javert.

- Climb out the window?

- More French.

- Oooooooh! They’re so tricking them, aren’t they? They’re not dumb.

- Bye bye!

- I’m sorry for Sophie.

- (I saw that part where her grandfather got shot years ago.)

- Here we go with the anagrams.

- Eidetic memory (pretty much) - firms up my autism headcanon.

- Can you even get that close to the Mona Lisa irl?

- Tom Hanks has a really nice nose. xD

- Langdon’s so good with anagrams.

- It’s like a scavenger hunt.

- Ooh, Musketeer symbol.

- Chase music!

- Flashback with crazy meetings.

- A smart! I get to bop someone now.

- Ooh, Les Mis.

- Backwards! That’s impressive.

- She’s so gonna make it.

- She made it!

- Bye bye, mirror.

- Paul’s looking angry.

- Someone got stabbed. I sense guilt.

- More dead people.

- Holy water.

- A nun.

- A rose line.

- Is he gonna kill her? She seems nervous.

- MORE FRENCH.

- Red light zone.

- (It’s raining outside. Kinda sets the mood.)

- You stay away from that dude, nun.

- Saving a junkie?

- (Sophie’s a really nice name, btw.)

- He rambles when he gets the chance so much. Really reminds me of special interests. (And in case anyone takes issue with that, I should know. I’m autistic. I have them.)

- My parents just watched Knightfall. Now I know some about the templars’ fall.

- Sophie didn’t know they were supposed to protect the Holy Grail? Really? Huh.

- Moooooore French.

- Please don’t die, nun.

- That’s some scar under his eye.

- Those look like some anger issues.

- It’s the grumpy-looking monk dude.

- Seriously, I understand more Latin than French.

-  “Blood is being spilled” as he’s spilling wine, that’s great.

- Freeeeeeeeeench.

- “I don’t think he liked me very much. He once made a joke at my expense.” I relate to this guy so hard on the autism level.

- It’s the German dude.

- That’s some system they’ve got at that bank.

- You call that a rose?

- I’m with Langdon here. Safe passage?

- Aww, poor guy. I’ve got claustrophobia, too, and I haven’t even got a traumatizing event behind me. (I read that somewhere.)

- I like the driver.

- A lot. Nice one with the watch.

- Langdon, you look sick. Please don’t die, y’all.

- JESUS CHRIST.

- Poor Sophie. </3 Woah.

- How tf did that truck get there?

- That bullet. Smaaart move. *thumbs up*

- Ouch.

- Bye bye again.

- Do I like the police captain? I don’t know.

- The tea convo. xD

- Is Langdon like this in the books? I hope he is.

- How old is Sophie? *googles Audrey Tatou* (Ooh, Amélie!) *checks when movie was made* ‘bout 30.

- Yaaaaaas, Ian.

- Also please don’t die.

- (Both my faves in Angels & Demons die. I’m vorbelastet and can’t find a good English word for that.)

- Jesus was cool.

- Those helmets. Feathers!

- “Not even his nephew twice removed.” xDDD

- Is that paisley? *googles* It is. Nice!

- Just in case you’re wondering, I am typing this as I watch the movie. I’m not saying I’m not missing anything, but I like multitasking.

- *googles The last Supper* Wow, no cup.

- Genital symbols.

- Wombs open towards the ground, though. People with them aren’t constantly doing handstands.

- Have I mentioned one of my favorite movies is Dogma, which postulates that Jesus had siblings? I’m liking this conversation.

- “Companion meant spouse.” My gay ass likes this.

- If that is Mary Magdalene, though, which apostle is missing? Been wondering this for years.

- Scions. I like this.

- I’m all for sex positivity.

- Your time’s kinda running out, guys.

- Almost halfway through, now.

- Do you seriously believe they’re murderers?

- Why do you wear your police thingies like a blind man’s band?

- Was overall expecting a bit more running in this movie, I guess.

- Poor Sophie. This is a lot to take in.

- Beating someone up with crutches! Yas!

- Like, ouch.

- Do you happen to have a secret passage under your house? Would come in real handy.

- Oh, Zürich! Man, accents. Barely understood that.

- Frehehench.

- In my personal experience claustrophobic people aren’t generally fans of planes. That might just be me, though.

- Still don’t know Paul’s character’s name.

- We are leaving the country.

- That haircut. On the dude with the grumpy-looking monk.

- Does Jesus having a family beside his parents somehow make him less holy? *shrug*

- FRENCH.

- Police brutality?

- “Please”? Seriously? I understood that much and you’re a dick.

- This is, like, some Order of the White Lotus stuff.

- You need a mirror? You can’t read it otherwise? Huh. Well, I guess it’s just easier.

- I really like Lee.

- How many more ways can I angrily write French? (I don’t have anything against the language per se. I just don’t understand what they’re saying and that irks me. There aren’t even subtitles for that. I feel like there are supposed to be subtitles.)

- (It is nice, however, that they’re sticking to the languages they’d actually be speaking. I wonder if it’s all German in German.)

- Yo, police. Be more subtle. You could have laid a trap.

- “You can start with him.” Hm! xD

- “I could run them over.” !! Man, this is great.

- This is like a fucking magic trick.

- You know what, I wanna watch that again.

- The DVD did not like that, so now I get to look at the “pick scene” menu. At least there’s more nice music.

- Just out of curiosity… *checks* There are 24 chapters and I’m at the 16th.

- I can understand more French when I concentrate on it, but I’ve been too annoyed about it so far.

- Never had French at school, btw. But have a bit of a talent for languages. When it comes to those I can sometimes cobble meaning together from context and existing knowledge.

- “The French cannot be trusted”, sounds so ominous.

- As a fan of Angels & Demons, I am very interested in what the Vatican has to say about all this.

- Told ya we don’t like planes.

- Naww, Sophie. Arm pat, yas.

- How do you accidentally fall into a well feet first? Hmm…

- Saved by pigeons, wow.

- Paul’s eyes are super blue.

- Is he gonna get killed?

- What an old-ass phone.

- I’m worried about that newspaper.

- How they’re keeping the identity of the teacher secret is A+, shooting-wise.

- “Your identity shall go with me to the grave.” Did he know he was gonna die?

- Nice one!

- Is the second movie this long? *checks* Not quite.

- Seriously. Unnaturally blue eyes.

- Shoot-out.

- I can kinda see where Lee’s coming from. Don’t agree with the method, but…

- Did a shoulder-shot really kill him?

- See? Nope.

- I think I do kinda like the police captain.

- Have I mentioned my attraction to side characters?

- Oh, that tiny wound on her neck. I like the attention to detail.

- And those stained glass windows! Pretty.

- His mind! Wow.

- I wanna see this scene without music and special effects, though, to see what Sophie and Lee see. Must be pretty weird. xD

- Dramatic musiiiiic.

- Police captain coming through! Yas.

- Robert’s like “What is happening?”

- Man, those poor policemen with the screaming dude in the back of the car.

- Can’t resist a challenge, can you?

- It’s hecking dark behind that doorway.

- Can they get away with getting rid of all the villains half an hour before the movie’s over?

- Now she’s all Ghost Whisperer-like.

- I like the way it sounds when she calls him Robert.

- (Doing some more googling. Ah, it’s Leigh. I see.)

- Who are these guys? Something bad’s happening.

- Flashbacks and MORE FRENCH.

- Wonder if Robert and Sophie use the formal you in German. It wouldn’t fit.

- Sophie’s world is kinda falling apart.

- (She’s like Bethany in Dogma. Don’t know if anyone here even knows Dogma, but I love it.)

- Family reunion! Who put those onions here?

- See? Robert and I agree. Why should a family make Jesus less holy?

- I really like this friendship. I hope they’ll meet again.

- Checking if she can walk on water. xD

- Hey, it’s the Eiffel tower! And it’s playing light house.

- Blood.

- What? What is it?

- Wow.

- This music is real nice.

- 7 minutes of credits.

- Again, though: The music is nice.

[jesterlady]

It wouldn't be right to do a redux on SG1 without doing the same for SGA so here is the Atlantis version of the post about the things I like and things I don't like.  Probably not as long seeing as how I have literally half the material, but we'll see. I like: -Literally every word that comes out of Rodney's mouth.  I don't know if they have a dedicated writer who does nothing but comes up with things for him to say suitable to every occasion, but it is a sheer delight to listen to David Hewlett.  Practically every scene in Grace Under Pressure where he's basically talking to himself or hallucination Sam is pure pure gold.  His new whale friend! -Carson's accent, oh, I could just listen to it all day long.  It's such joy to listen to Carson talk as well.  He's not that old, but he calls everyone son and it's so adorable. -Tao of Rodney.  I probably would have made a separate post about it if Sunday hadn't made me so upset.  This episode made me cry and just...when Rodney starts trying to do nice things for people and actually apologizes to Zelenka and the Ronon hug!  Ugh, it's amazing -The way Radek talks to himself in Czech, especially when annoyed with Rodney -How we learn little things about Lorne, like him being a painter or that he sleepwalks -John and Elizabeth being possessed and fighting each other.  Who doesn't like a good possession episode?  Cadman/Rodney ftw, as well. -Woolsey taking over for Sam.  I was always going to be predisposed to liking him since I love Robert Picardo so much.  I liked that even though he was an antagonist when he first originated on SG1, he was a straight shooter and since I knew he was going to be on SGA, I figured he would straighten out even more, and they did a really good job of balancing the by the book guy with the living in the last frontier guy. -The city itself, it's really pretty and very cool, and has endless possibilities.  It flies! -David Hewlett's acting in the Shrine.  That opening video with him, I was absolutely blown away.  So good. -Ronon and John fighting with Bantos rods and hopping on one foot.  Bantos rod fighting scenes in general. -That real life siblings portrayed Rodney and Jeannie Miller.  It brought a huge element of awesome.  Jeannie is amazing! -The love triangle, for lack of a better term, was actually handled extremely well.  Granted, it's annoying in any shape or form, but Ronon and Rodney didn't get into some big pissing match over Jennifer and she made her feelings about what she wanted extremely clear instead of dithering around about it. -That Teyla realized it wouldn't be safe for her to be on the team while pregnant and that it was extremely hard to go back. Side note: I hate pregnancy storylines where the woman gets all shirty when people tell her to take it easy (particularly when her normal job is extremely dangerous) like they think she's less capable.   Uh, no, that's not being independent and strong, that's being stupid and selfish.  It is not weak to protect your child, it's common sense, and it reflects well on you, not poorly. -The song Beyond the Night and how they put it in the show.  It was so vastly different than anything either show had done before, but it was beautiful and well done. -Rodney, Jennifer, and Sam trying to get out of a hole in the ground together -Ronon and Teal'c fighting badass style together.  It took them a while, but they are the most metal crime fighting duo in the entire world -Rodney and Daniel interaction.  More and more and more please.  They bicker and snipe and work so well together, it's like a sarcasm orgy. -Ronon Dex fighting Wraith in a ware house.  Side by side cutting with Eliot Spencer fighting in a warehouse, please. -Todd the Wraith (and that they name the Wraith such ridiculous names). It's always better when your villains are ambiguously evil and you kind of like them.  Is Todd dead?  WE DON'T KNOW! -Ronon and Teyla holding hands while he takes her to the infirmary.  They are so adorable together and sweet. -While we're on the subject, I like Rodney and Jennifer together.  The only romance the show ever took the time to develop and too little too late some say.  But it makes sense to me and he learns a lot. -While we're further on the subject, I love the whole leaders in love thing that I could see going on with John and Elizabeth.  It also would have been nice to see develop. -Amelia kickboxing her way to victory -Chuck the Technician will never be as cool as Walter, but he's still pretty awesome -The episode where John time travels into the future and hologram Rodney shares with him everything that happened.  Really really cool. -Nanite hallucination for Elizabeth, really great job by Torri. -The Michael arc was very good, I think they could have done a lot more with it and planned it better, but the idea and him were really cool. -That Carson came back.  Oh, thank God that Carson came back.  A part of me is really sad that actual Carson is dead and some other man is living his life, but I figure he's the kind of man who wouldn't mind.  Rodney going and visiting his stasis pod gives me all kinds of feels.  Carson is literally the whole cinnamon roll too good and pure for this world meme. -Rodney delivers Torren! -Rodney being jealous of himself -Alternate dimension jumping Daedalus. -The way Rodney always says ZedPMs.  So Canadian! -Wraith Queen Teyla -Them trying to adjust to Earth again in the Return.  I love that Atlantis became their home and each other their family.  They don't belong on Earth anymore.   -John's speech to Teyla about how everyone is his family and there's nothing he wouldn't do for any of them -Woolsey kicking ass in their trial -Zelenka covered in body paint after spending time on the kid planet. -John's leadership style.  So casual, so intense.  "I'm sorry for shooting everybody!" -Ronon's smile.  Ronon's three freckles on his face.  His triangle eyebrows.   His hair.  His gun, ooh, I love his gun.  The way he lifts John in play that one time. -Twilight Bark/LOTR Beacon scene -The way everyone was obsessed with Lucius.  That was so funny. I don't like: -It felt like nothing was planned.  They just sort of...did whatever seemed cool to them and it resulted in poor resolution at times and extremely poor character/relationship development -That for an ensemble cast, so much emphasis was put on John and Rodney.  Maybe Buffy spoiled this as well for me, but in my opinion, if you're in the credits, you should be in every episode.  Even just a bit at the end or a bit at the beginning, but you should be involved.  (SG1 did this as well, but not as badly as SGA).  I could be wrong but they clearly made the effort to do this with John and Rodney so they were in every episode.  Even if the episode wasn't about them, there was some kind of scene with them in it.  So clearly, they were capable of that.  Things like Ronon and Teyla not being in the Vegas episode, annoy the heck out of me. -The kids leaving Rodney, Sam, and Jennifer to die in the hole.  Maybe I'm unrealistic, but I just feel like nobody would actually do that in such a dire situation. -They switched planets!  What about the Athosians new home?  It felt like we didn't even see what happened to them and then all of a sudden they were in a new place and missing from it. I always thought...maybe Atlantis was more about where it was then just the city itself.  Apparently not. -Sunday, Sunday, Sunday!  I mean, it'd probably be one of my favorite episodes if not for the end.  It's really cool that way, but I cannot forgive them for doing that to me.   Especially now that I know it was done on purpose to "shake things up" and for ratings since SG1 was ending. -Ford never had a chance.  He was never going to be my favorite, but they could have done so much more with him.  It's really sad how badly they botched that up.  Also, there's no reason they couldn't have actually developed him once they turned him into a psycho Wraith wanna be.  That would have been an amazing S2 character arc for him, but instead, it became 'guest star' and Ronon was clearly chosen to replace him. -Teyla's baby arc.  I get that Rachel was actually pregnant and I'm super glad they wrote it in rather than killing her off or making her stand behind furniture like a sitcom (totally not compatible with her active fighting or love of midriff-less clothing.)  But the whole thing was really rushed.  Like, how am I supposed to care about some random dude I've never met named Kanaan, who's the father of her baby?  Romance should evoke feelings, not blankness.  I just never got the chance to really care about them as a couple, which could be why I really have always seen Ronon and Teyla together, honestly. -They way they wrote Elizabeth out of the show.   It's horrendous and unacceptable.  They didn't know what to do with her?  Uh, so you actually take the time and figure it out.  Making her leave just because they wanted someone from SG1 to come on to the show is the stupidest thing.  She was amazing and a great leader and had a lot more to give.  So what if she was intended to be more of a General Hammond. Part of being a show runner is playing to your strengths and what people love.  Both of those things were Weir.  I love Sam, always have, always will, she did great, but, that was just another example of the horrible, horrible way Atlantis handled character development and why they were never quite as good as SG1.  Even the whole Elizabeth arc being resolved with her in a different Replicator body just felt wrong and disrespectful.  (All the Replicator stuff seemed a little bit off to me (especially as regards her) and maybe they just went a little bit crazy without taking the time to think things through). -The Genii as villains.  Ugh, they just rubbed me the wrong way.  Colm Meany is awesome as is Robert Davi, but they just didn't do it for me -Harmony.  Annoying children who deliberately manipulate adults and lie about what they've done to discredit another adult, are so awful.  Granted, Rodney is a petty, selfish, arrogant child himself, but John has no reason to suppose he's not telling the truth.  Not really.  Children shouldn't be allowed to get away with that.  It reminds me of my younger brother and he and I used to fight all the time when he would be a brat and annoy me on purpose.  My mom always said since I was older, I had to be more mature and not rise to it.  Perhaps true, but the most unfair thing ever and it still bothers me when I see it in others today. -Destruction of the Midway.  So sad, it was such a cool idea.  It's just annoying them always trying to figure out how to limit travel between Earth and Pegasus.  Just give them both ZPMs then! -Sam not being present at Brain Storm.  All the most brilliant scientists on Earth, my auntie.   (Bill Nye was cool!)  But just a simple exchange like Jennifer asking if Sam would be there and Rodney replying that no, she was off world, would have sufficed. -Remember when Jennifer, in her first scene, was all afraid of being CMO and didn't want the job?  Yeah, literally never mentioned again. Much more thematic problems with SGA, I'm afraid, but still plenty, plenty to love.

[starwitness42]

Holding the Stick (2/?)

Alec Lightwood has dreamed of hoisting Lord Stanley since he was eight. It's in his blood. He's spent the last five years trying to make that dream a reality, only managing to fall short each time.

Until a scandal leads to a multi-team trade that sends Magnus Bane his way. One of the top performing wingers in the league. An up and coming star.

And the most handsome man Alec has ever met.

He's doomed.

Chapter One

Magnus Bane has lost his cell phone. And perhaps his mind. But while it is entirely possible that he threw the former in the toilet last night because it would not shut up, he’s pretty sure the latter has been in the toilet for years. Decades, maybe even.

He’s saving the bathroom for last in his search because he does not wish to face that eventuality until he has exhausted all of his other options. And it’s not because he cannot afford a new phone – he could afford one made of solid gold, studded with diamonds if he were so inclined. But that phone contains some of his favorite photographs, many of them of stray felines that he comes across in his worldly travels. And if there’s one thing he has learned from watching far too much reality television it’s that you never put anything on the cloud.  

He finds it eventually underneath his pillows when he remembers that he shoved it there at some point because even with the ringer off and the phone face down, it was still emitting too much light for his sleep deprived eyes to handle. But when he flips it over and looks at the newly lit up screen, he starts to wish that he’d thrown it in the commode after all.

His texts are in the triple digits, and his voicemails aren’t much better. Which is strange given that most of the people he knows loathe actually speaking into a cell phone, even if they’re only speaking to an automated box. But there is one name that is sure to be mixed in repeatedly with all the rest on both ends, and so Magnus takes a deep breath and dials because when you’re ripping off a band aid, there is no point in doing it slowly.

“Where the hell have you been?” Cat asks before Magnus can even say hello.

“To the same place your civility has gone, I imagine,” he replies dryly. Literally dryly. After having slept for roughly eighteen hours straight, his mouth is so parched it feels sticky.

“I’ve been worried sick about you, Magnus,” she says, and he can hear that now. Her concern. Which is cute, given the way he hired her eight years ago because she was the biggest shark he could find.

“Now Catarina, why would you ever be worried about me? I am like a cat, remember? Throw me off a roof and I will simply land on my feet.”

“If you threw a cat off a roof it would splatter on the ground like a watermelon.”

Magnus pulls a face that Cat cannot see, so he makes sure the expression is latent in his voice when he says, “You are quite vile sometimes, has anyone ever told you that?”

“Yes. You. Last week.”

“That does sound like something I would do.”

“It sounds like something you just did,” she bites out, and something about the tone of her voice makes Magnus smile in spite of how she is clearly very, very annoyed with him.

“How did your meeting with the team go?” she asks before he can put into words how pleased he is to have her in his life, hissing in his ear.

“I told you how it went.”

“No, you sent me a text that said, and I quote: Met my new captain and my new coach. Coach seems nice. Captain is very tall. Looks like he’d be fun to climb though I’m not sure I’d be willing to risk the bark burn. And then you added three poo emojis and disappeared for twenty-four hours.”

“You did not call the cops, did you? Because I hear that they make you wait a full forty-eight before they’ll even listen to your pleas.”

“Magnus.”

He groans. “I was sleeping, Catarina. I passed out, probably drunk, and slept almost an entire day away in order to escape the reality of what my life has become. Is that what you wanted me to say?”

The words slip out of his mouth before he can catch them. And it’s embarrassing really, the way his hand literally rises to clasp over his mouth like some appalled character in a bad romcom. But apparently eighteen hours wasn’t enough to erase the hangover that comes with being outed on national television.

“Do you need me to come there?” she asks after a pause that feels worse than much of the last few days.

“You know how I feel about you acting thoughtful. It creeps me out.”

“Mags-”

“I do not need you to come here, Catarina,” he interrupts, using her full name because he does not wish for her to think that they are friends at the moment, even though she is the single best one he has.

“I have a morning skate to get to, teammates to bond with, and a game tonight. My schedule is all full up. Perhaps I can pencil you in for some hand holding sometime after the holidays.”

“Magnus.”

“You’re breaking up,” he says, making cracking sounds into the phone for effect even though he’s used that trick on her so many times she no longer believes it, if there were ever a single day when she did. “I need… to… f… you’re…”

He hits end and stuffs his phone back under his pillow before heading in to take a quick shower, because he knows if he brings the damn thing into the bathroom with him, it’s going in the toilet.

He is in a taxi roughly an hour later, which is roughly thirty minutes past when he was supposed to be at some place called Johnny’s Ice House for his morning skate. And he should really be concerned about being late his first time doing anything with his new team, but he’s fairly certain that if he had not spent the last half hour standing under a spray of scalding water, he would have ended up falling back into bed and not coming out at all.

The skate is optional, but Magnus knows that really only means for everyone else. As the new guy, his options are limited.

He also probably could have asked the team to send him a car, another limo perhaps, or a fancy Lincoln. But Magnus likes cabs. The foul smell, the cracked leather, and the deep feel of anonymity that he is currently enjoying, sunglasses strapped to his face and his head leaned back against the seat as he tries to steal a few more moments of peace before his day begins.

Before his new life begins.

“Is there any time of day when this city’s streets are not backed up?” he asks because sometimes, when he is bored and miserable, he likes to seek out idle chitchat with anyone that will have him.

Once, he spent forty-five minutes talking to a light pole. Granted, he did not know that it was a light pole for at least the first twenty or so minutes of the conversation, thank you tequila! But even after he realized his mistake, he still spent another twenty-five minutes chatting her up because he felt bad about just ditching her once he saw her for what she truly was.

“Not really,” the driver says solemnly in response to Magnus’ question. “There’s always somebody going somewhere. Or a lot of somebodies going a lot of somewheres.”

That… was an incredibly boring response. But in the driver’s defense, Magnus hadn’t exactly given him an Oscar worthy pitch. And so he’s racking his brain for a better conversation starter than might-as-well-have-asked-about-the-weather-traffic when the driver says, “You’re Magnus Bane, aren’t you?”

Something cold settles in Magnus’ stomach as he swallows through a strange lump that has mysteriously appeared in the center of his throat.

“Guilty as charged,” he replies, refusing to lift his head as he waits for whatever potentially derogatory thing the man will have to say next.

But instead of some sort of homophobic slur, he just says, “I’m glad you’re here. Our top line has been one-third shit for years.”

Magnus does tip his head up then, letting his sunglasses slide down his nose so that he can peer over them at the very husky, very blue-collar man currently holding his life in his could-crash-the-cab-at-any-moment hands. And as the man glances up at the rearview mirror, Magnus can see a smile on his lips. Which is… unexpected.

He says, “Thank you,” because he cannot seem to conjure any better words.

The man nods. “No, thank you. And fuck Detroit.”

That… was an odd thing to say. But the man says it with such enthusiasm, such heart, that Magnus finds himself echoing an even more rousing, “Yes, fuck Detroit indeed!” because clearly, it is very important to this dear hearted man that they… well… fuck Detroit.

Lightwood is waiting for him in the lobby of the rink once he arrives, and he can clearly see through the plate glass doors that he is pacing. Back and forth, back and forth, his hands shoved in his pockets, his head turned down to the ground. And it makes Magnus feel like he’s just been pulled out of class by an announcement over the loudspeaker, asking him to go to the principal’s office.

Not like that ever happened to him, of course. He was a perfect angel in school.

Lightwood looks incredibly put out when Magnus enters, though, stone cold hazel eyes sliding up to his face. And so the only words Magnus can find for the occasion are, “Sorry I’m late.”

He is not actually sorry, but he is late, so technically it is not a full lie.

“What?” Lightwood asks. “No. You’re not. I mean, you are, I guess, but Coach G is pretty lax with morning skates on game days, so you’re not late late. I was just… I wanted to make sure I was here. To greet you. That’s all.”

“That is very kind of you, Lightwood,” he says, but something about Magnus’ words makes his new captain’s face scrunch up like he just bit into a lemon. And not in the good salt and tequila shots way.

“Please, call me Alec. Lightwood is my father.”

Magnus remembers Robert Lightwood, one of the fiercest defensemen the Devils have ever seen. Alec comes from a long line of D-men, actually, like it is the family business. Only in that he at least managed to carve a small path of his own by becoming a forward.

“Then that is kind of you Alec,” Magnus corrects as he paints on a smile that he hopes looks at least moderately genuine.

“Can I… what do you like to be called? Bane or Magnus or-”

“Magnus is fine,” he interrupts gently, because he’s already getting the impression that that is one of the only ways to get Alec to stop stammering.

“Good. Great. Magnus. Welcome to the Ice House. If you want to follow me, I’ll show you where we gear up.”

For a privately owned practice rink outside of the stadium, this place is fairly impressive. But he’s spent the last four years of his career playing for a team that doesn’t even have an NHL caliber stadium yet, and so anything, really, is remarkable by comparison.

He feels instantly on edge once Alec points him to a locker with a practice jersey waiting for him, however. Because he’s been in locker rooms before, changed in front of countless men over the course of his career, but he’s never been in a room with just one other person like this. And given how tall, dark and handsome that other person is, there’s a very logical explanation for why Magnus’ throat is suddenly dry once more.  

Alec doesn’t seem to mind the situation, as evidenced by the way he strolls over to his own locker, pulling his t-shirt over his head as he moves. And Magnus is about to do the same as he takes a seat on the bench in front of his stall, he really is. He’s still a professional, after all. But then Alec sort of turns to the side and Magnus catches sight of a six-pack ending in a rather strange looking tattoo just over Alec’s left hip. And for a few moments, his brain simply stops functioning as it should.

“Magnus?” Alec asks some time later, there is really no way for Magnus to be sure how long. 

When Magnus looks up, it is obvious that he has been caught in the act of staring. But while some men might look at him with disgust – hell, some men on this team might look at him with disgust for daring to ogle their half-naked form, Alec seems… confused. Like he cannot comprehend why someone like Magnus would want to stare at someone like him.

“I’m back,” Magnus says with the brightest smile he owns. But his response only makes Alec’s face scrunch up more. And really, this is too much for so early in the day.

“Sorry,” he apologizes for the second time this morning. “I was just… um… admiring your ink. Your tattoo, I mean. It’s very… interesting.”

“Oh!” Alec says like now he gets it, which is far too adorable of a response for its own good. “Yeah, Jace and I got matching ones when we got drafted.”

“What is it?” he asks, as in an ironic twist of fate, Magnus actually finds himself legitimately interested in the strange design gracing Alec’s skin.

The question, however, does nothing to help Magnus’ other problems as the conversation actually prompts Alec to take a half dozen steps back in Magnus’ direction, like he wants to make sure Magnus gets a good look at the tattoo in question.

Attractive men should not be allowed to be that tall. Or that straight.

“It’s a Norse rune,” Alec says in this teacher voice that certainly does not make Magnus think things. “Jace is sort of obsessed with Norse mythology. He thinks he’s descended from Vikings.”

“Is he?”

Alec snorts. “No. But try convincing him of that. Anyway, like I said, this is one of their runes. It’s called oo-rooze. U-R-U-Z. It’s supposed to be for, like, strength and stamina and stuff.”

Alec is so close now, the tattoo in Magnus’ direct sight line, near enough to touch. And he has to literally restrain himself from reaching out to run his fingers along the mark because as much as Alec seems comfortable with sharing tales of teenage tattooing with him, Magnus is fairly certain that he is not up for fondling of any sort.

“Does it work?” he asks if only because he assumes that talking will keep him from drooling.

“I don’t know. I haven’t properly tested it out yet.”

That answer is… weird. Very, very weird. And Magnus cannot figure out why he finds it so weird until he trails his eyes up to Alec’s face and catches that something flash in his eyes again. That darkness from yesterday.

It’s gone within the span of a breath, though, and so is Alec. Magnus’ eyes stuck on the strong line of his shoulders as he makes his way back to his stall to gear up for practice. And Magnus follows suit this time for lack of anything more inappropriate to do.

Really, he usually has far more common sense and self control than this.

They take the ice together, Alec leading the way and Magnus following him. And he is so lost in the sensation of skates on ice again – something he honestly thought for a hot minute that he would lose once Cat called him and told him of the bomb that was about to drop on him – that he doesn’t realize that there is a man-shaped projectile coming at him until there are arms around his waist.

“Mags!” someone screams.

And there is actual joy in his own voice when he replies, “Raph!” as he allows Raphael to skate him all the way back to the boards.

In all of the hoopla, he had completely forgotten that Raphael Santiago has been playing for the Blackhawks for the past two years. But it is a gift here, now, to come to that discovery because at least there is one familiar face to latch onto as he moves forward.

“You two know each other?” Alec asks from where he is standing a few feet away, his arms crossed over his chest and his head tilted to the side like he is trying to analyze the scene before him.

“We used to play Bantam together,” Magnus says through the newly acquired looseness in his throat.

Alec looks to Raphael. “You didn’t tell me that.”

“Sorry, mom,” Raphael bites out. “I didn’t know I had to tell you who every single one of my friends was.”

Magnus is in the process of feeling appalled at how Raphael is speaking to his very kind, very tall captain, when said very kind, very tall captain says, “Fuck off, Santiago.”

Something may fritz a little bit in Magnus’ brain at that.

“Swear jar!” someone yells from behind Alec. The goalie, Lewis, first name Simon, Magnus thinks. Short but fast in the crease if he remembers correctly.

“You have a swear jar?” Magnus asks in surprise. But Wayland is the one to answer him, Jace, from where he skates up and rests beside Alec.

“Not all of us, just him,” he says as he wraps his arm around Alec’s shoulders. “The rest of us get to cuss like fucking sailors.”

“Fuck off, asshole,” Alec says as he shrugs Jace off of him. But he is actually doing something very odd here, Alec is. He is smiling. And not the ones Magnus is used to seeing on him, from the pictures in the papers of Alec and his beautiful, blonde girlfriend. There’s something devious in this one, something of the devil hidden at the edges, and it quite literally takes Magnus’ breath away.

“You know you love me, fucker,” Jace says with a wink as he skates backwards towards the center of the rink.

“In your dreams, dickhead!” Alec shouts after him.

But Jace just smiles even wider and replies, “Dreams, dick, and head? What the hell do you think about when you fall asleep at night?”

“I’m gonna fucking kill you,” Alec says before he skates off after Jace. And then he is on him. He is putting Jace in a headlock. He is tackling Jace to the ice. He is straddling Jace’s hips. And the pair of them are laughing. Laughing. And Magnus is so dizzy that he needs to lean against the boards just to stay upright.

“You all right there buddy?” Raphael asks a moment later, and Magnus has to blink out at him about a dozen times just to course correct.

“He has a personality,” he says almost weakly, because he’s shocked, plain and simple.

All he has ever seen of Alec Lightwood is what the news portrays. The sweet, buttoned up guy in the post games, or the tightly smiling, All American Poster Child with his perfect girlfriend who is also an athlete of some sort because of course she would be. Like a tennis player, probably. He seems like the type of guy that would date a tennis player. Only he’s not that guy. He is surly, gritty, and apparently lightly salted and Magnus has never felt so deceived in his entire life.

The media has lied to him, all this time. He really should file some kind of grievance.  

“Yeah, if you can call it that,” Raphael says. “Most of us just say that our captain is a raging dick.”

“I heard that!” Alec calls out from where he is still mock pummeling Jace on the ice.

“You were meant to, douche bag!”

And Magnus… well, frankly he has no idea what to do with any of this. But color him intrigued. And a little turned on.

Okay, after that thing in the locker room, more than a little turned on.

Since he is being paid to be here, however, being paid to play hockey, he shakes himself free of his own unhelpful thoughts and makes his way to the ice, finding more strength and focus the further he gets from the boards. And it feels good, he thinks. There is something about this team that feels good.

This team that appears to be entirely present today, even though they don’t have to be. This team that swears and laughs and jokes around in ways that his previous two NHL teams did not. This team that is young and vibrant and talented, sitting on the cusp of something great that they can all no doubt feel but something that has clearly not robbed them of the joy of this game. This team that is his now. And so even though he still has no idea what exactly it means, he finds himself thinking only two words that feel almost like a war cry as he joins the huddle currently forming around Coach G:

Fuck Detroit.

Detroit is lovely! I do not hate Detroit! But Hawks fans hate the Wings like nobody's business (not as much as the Blues, but still). And so "Fuck Detroit" is actually something that gets said around the city quite a lot. I feel like I might be apologizing to cities a lot in this fic...

[rileysroleplayingephemera]

Five Men Reuven Harel Didn’t Fall in Love With

(in which I write fic for my own RP character)

1. Toby

It’s been six months, and that’s not forever, but it’s a long time in high school. Probably long enough, at least, that you should know how you feel.

“I love you,” Toby says, and there’s an unpleasant jolt in Reuven’s stomach, because he doesn’t not love Toby. You can’t leave that hanging without it Meaning Something, and he doesn’t mean that, he’s just not sure. How is he supposed to be sure?

“I love you too,” he says, because it might be true, and it’s probably better to accidentally lie about loving someone than accidentally lie about not loving them, right?

Toby’s eyes have been wide and anxious, too, and he hates that, and the moment where his boyfriend relaxes, his shoulders dropping, and breaks out in one of the best smiles Reuven’s ever seen – he thinks that might make it worth it.

They break up five months later, in the aftermath of the broken arm debacle, resentfully and awkwardly and angrily, and it hurts – God, it hurts, because if nothing else he’s really alone now – but as jagged and rough as it is, it’s easily survivable in the end. Too easily to be what he thought it was.

He keeps that to himself. I never loved you only reflects badly on one of them.

 2. Paul

Out of all Skye’s friends, Paul is the friendliest – the second-friendliest, after Marc, but Marc is… oblivious and pushy about it, and Paul is just nice.

He’s good-looking, too, but Reuven’s pretty sure he’s mentioned a girlfriend once or twice, which makes him probably unattainable and definitely off-limits. They’re not close yet, though, so there’s no harm in looking.

It’s nice to get out of the room – it’s actually warm again, for Canada, which translates to brisk, and the semi-privacy is nice. Everyone’s been pretty nice to him so far, but he can’t shake the feeling that Skye didn’t want Marc to invite him. If the guy had let him bow out casually, he would have.

“You buy a lot of alcohol for underage kids?” he asks casually, mostly so they’re not walking in silence. To his surprise, Paul doesn’t laugh; he frowns.

“You’re not underage.”

“I’m eighteen.”

“That’s not – oh. Well, okay, technically, but you’re adult. And it’s only a year.”

Reuven blinks and shakes his head, mentally recalibrating. He keeps forgetting you don’t have to be twenty-one here. “Uh, yeah, sorry. American.”

“Are you?” Paul sounds surprised.

“I mean, I have dual citizenship.” After eighteen years bitching about the US government, he never expected to feel so defensive about people’s reactions. “But I never lived here.”

“That’s nuts,” Paul says, but he doesn’t seem too disturbed. “So was your childhood, like… completely devoid of Robert Munsch?”

By the time they reach the liquor store, Reuven’s been given an extremely in-depth and confusing layout of what he should know about the provinces – mostly what they are – and how to remember that all the Maritimes start with N except one, and also all the N provinces are Maritimes except one. It might make more sense if he could stop laughing.

“You should wait out here, I guess,” Paul says. “Man, the drinking age here is dumb.”

Reuven can’t remember what provinces that leaves, where you can be younger than nineteen, but he shrugs his assent and watches Paul walk through the door. It doesn’t really hit him until then.

“I’m in trouble,” he says, out loud.

But the guy has a girlfriend, and he’s probably straight, and more importantly he’s nice and Reuven really likes him. He could use a friend like this, and he wants to be Paul’s friend in particular. He’s not fucking that up.

“It’s not a big deal,” he amends, and it won’t be.

 3. Leon

This isn’t working.

It’s too much too fast, and he’s known that for some time, but he keeps thinking that it’s just that he’s so far away, and surely as soon as Leon takes a breath and gets a longer phone call, he’ll get some perspective.

But that’s not happening, and honestly he should have known it. He just didn’t want to break up with someone by phone, from Saskatchewan.

He still doesn’t. It’s a shitty thing to do, and he already feels bad for Leon, and guilty for being the one so far away, but also, he doesn’t want to be a horrible ex story for the rest of his life. It’s one thing if Heath from his 300-level Canadian Wild West class is out there telling people about the time his almost-boyfriend loudly dumped him in the middle of the quad because of the asexuals, but the idea of “so he went to RCMP training and then he called and dumped me halfway through, because it ‘wasn’t working’” being his legacy makes him feel both angry and vaguely ill.

But he’s up at five every day, on his feet for twelve hours, and then half the time he has extra projects or activities, and he has to fit sleep into the time that’s left and try to find time to work out and calculate a two-hour time difference, and Leon’s upset because he can’t talk for hours at a time. Reuven’s not the most romantic person in the world, he knows that, but he tries, and it can’t all be about how much they miss each other. God forbid he try to enjoy parts of this, or learn things.

And this is why it has to happen, because even when he’s trying to figure out how to break up with the guy, he ends up feeling annoyed and resentful, and throwing around words like ‘clingy’ and ‘needy’ – and they might be true, but no one using them ever scored points with anybody.

That, and Leon is actually talking about flying to Regina. The only thing worse than contemplating how uncalled for that would be is the idea of what it would be like if it actually happened. He can only imagine how unhappy Leon would be (after he made the huge – unasked-for – gesture of coming all this way) when Reuven still has classes, and training, and responsibilities, and can’t take a day off, or spend the night off-campus, or God forbid has to call it an early night because he’s up a five-o-freaking-clock every single morning!

And this is definitely going to make him the Worst Ex Ever, but he can’t wait until Leon spends the money on a plane ticket, so he says flatly, “Don’t do that.”

Leon breaks off in the middle of saying something about silos. “What?”

“Don’t come here,” Reuven says bluntly, and after weeks of careful gentleness and subtle hints, it’s a relief to finally cut the crap. If Leon listens to him, there might be something to salvage – but he won’t.

“You don’t want me to come?”

“I am busy, and exhausted, and I wouldn’t be able to see you more than twice anyway. I’m already stressed out – ”

“So it would be stressful for me to be there?” He’s offended. Of fucking course.

“Yes,” Reuven says emphatically. “I cannot drop everything and coddle you all the time. I care about you, and I don’t want to hurt you, but I can’t keep doing this, and if you can’t hack six months without me then I don’t think this is going anywhere.”

Leon straight-up hangs up on him, and although he knows he’s going to pay for it later, he can’t help but be glad.

 4. Paul

There’s a brief moment, when he first gets to Halifax – no, more like several brief moments. The simple fact that Paul’s already there to meet him when he pulls in at his new apartment building. The hug, which goes on far too long, and not because of him. The moment when they’ve got all the boxes up, where they just stand there and look at each other over a kitchen of cardboard, and then laugh.

One day in, when he finally sees the new house, watching Paul be equal parts grateful for his parents’ contribution and eager to be showing it to someone – and to Reuven, specifically.

Two days in, when Paul puts an arm around his shoulders and squeezes him roughly, and says, “I’m so freaking glad you’re here.”

When he’s been in Halifax for four days, he sits in Paul’s kitchen (in Paul’s actual house, that he owns. They’re so fricking old) finishing his beer while Paul tries to put Nat to bed, and reflects on how easy it would be to fall in love with this guy, if he let himself.

Very, very easy – but only if he let himself, and he’s not going to, for a lot of reasons, but mainly because their friendship means more than anything else he has, and he’s not going to throw that away on romance or self-flagellation. The fact that Paul is straight is second to that, but equally a deal-breaker.

When Paul comes back, Reuven takes one last pull of his beer and asks a stupid question about boats, because their friendship is sixty-five percent built on Reuven asking stupid questions about weird Canadian things.

A few years later, Paul comes out, and Reuven thinks, Maybe – for a single second before he focuses on the main thing, which is stomping out as much biphobic bullshit as possible. He doesn’t really register the thought itself; by that time, he is very much in love with Tony.

 5. Mohammed

It starts as a joke – there’s an incredibly attractive man whose only job is to get me anything I want – but every part of it is, technically, true. Mohammed is attractive, and incredible, and the last part had been taken verbatim.

He’s also charming. And dangerous, and equipped with throwing knives, and then he’s unjustly accused. A few days after that he’s the sensitive badass who is also their only real lifeline, so, yes. He’s thought about it.

If things were different, it would be very, very easy to fall for Mohammed.

A month crammed into a berth together doesn’t do anything to make that less true, although with some men it would be more than enough. Neither does the revelation of just how emotionally screwed-up he is, because while Reuven loves the fact that his husband is solid and stable and has his shit together, apparently no one in the world is 100% immune to a sexy basket case.

It starts with a joke – and it ends with a joke, as well, with so how thrilled are you that I ditched you to go on a jet-setting adventure with an incredibly attractive billionaire doctor?  – because as easy as it would be to make that happen, he doesn’t want it to be anything else.

He could fall in love with Mohammed, but he won’t, because there’s Paul, and that’s everything and anything that matters.

[nothingneverforever]

Remember Me (2010)

Hmm

It would be accurate to say that I hated this almost wholeheartedly until the last and extremely rushed act when there was some actual, on-screen emotion that didn’t leave implied connections to be made by the viewer, but then this emotion was still very thin anyway and hinged totally on the viewer’s own associative understanding of the 9/11 attacks and less so on loss in general, so perhaps it is better to simply say that I hated this, period.

I remember avoiding this back when it was first released (on DVD at least, I didn’t go to the cinemas for anything besides crap back in 2010. Not that this film isn’t crap….cos it is) for some reason, I think maybe it was rated M18 or something and strangely for an early teen I did usually dutifully avoid such rated films because I didn’t (and still don’t) like explicit scariness or sexualness in any form. And then later on when I had lost interest in the genre (drama/romance?) but gained interest in Robert Pattinson, I still avoided this because it looked dumb. Anyway, we’ve made it here today and I sit eating my nice lentil dinner having just finished the film. So let’s go !

Okay firstly… I am not surprised at all at its 27% rotten tomatoes rating lol

Maybe it’s personal to me, but I really hate playfighting couples. I talked about it <<here>> briefly, exactly 2 years ago in my Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind (2004) review:

This scene, of Clementine and Joel play-fighting got me rather angry. I hate hate hate it when couples, people, do dangerous shit for fun.

^Lmao, rather angry wtf? The writing sucks lol hate it…… But this still stands; in Remember Me the playfighting is not ‘dangerous’ as it was in Eternal Sunshine, but equally successful in making me rather angry in its annoying grossness. Is it unfair for me to find it childish?! Like the fuck??? Where’s the fun in getting each other wet and forcing each other into submission in the shower?! And as complained about to Jade, self-aware, intertextual, referential, whatever the term for it is, scenes, dialogues, films, are as annoying as ones done in earnest.

Okay this playfighting scene was a one off, but it is absolutely extrapolate-able and gives insight to why Ally’s character was so phony and wobbly. Ally ultimately stands for nothing, all her quirks don’t create a whole, and as a result we can anticipate nothing from her nor can we actually feel for her at all. That I have dessert before the main scene was shockingly out of place because its manic pixie dream girl brazenness and eccentricity don’t present itself anywhere else. Full transcript of her dumbass dialogue (re: why she has dessert before the main. Substituting their names with Girl/Guy cos that’s literally all they are, their chemistry is so absent and their connection so fucking blah that they are any and every guy/girl ever):

GIRL: I just don't see the point in waiting. What if l die eating my vindaloo?

GUY: Is that probable?

GIRL: It's possible. Embolism bursts, asteroid hits the restaurant. I'd die without having eaten the one thing l wanted most.

GUY: l mean, the odds are...

GIRL: Tell you what. Guarantee me, swear to me on your eternal soul that l make it through my entre, and I'll wait. Before you answer, if l die, you're gonna have to live the rest of your life knowing not only did you lie to me, but you denied me of my one last indulgence. My last wish. Are you prepared to shoulder that kind of responsibility to prove a point?

If you feel like that second bit (swear to me on your eternal soul etc etc ad nauseam) went on for far longer than its logical reach, you’re right, and you’re lucky you didn’t have to sit through it. “Are you prepared to shoulder that kind of responsibility to prove a point?” - eh, i don’t remember anyone but you having a dumbass point you were desperate to prove, unprovoked?? I don’t know, I don’t think this is specific to the film’s storytelling or scriptwriting, I just generally am averse to such people in real life (same with the playfighting issue I guess). Like Jade said when I complained about this scene to her, it reminded of her Zoe Kazan’s character in What If? (2013) which we barely emerged from alive. Fuck that film lol seriously. Sorry I made yall sit through it… But Daniel Rafcliffe is so nice :’( Okay but how should I best describe these increasingly commonplace female characters? Manic pixie dream girl doesn’t suffice anymore (lmao I googled MPDG just so I could get ideas of other prototypes and wiki lists Belle from the 1991 Beauty and the Beast as one?!), and I feel that they do belong to a specific type. Just reading the dialogue above, don’t a handful of other annoyingass “””not like other girls””” girls from film come to mind? I don’t know, does ‘fake-witty’ cover enough ground? Like Jade says, why do people even enjoy these characters? Just because they are different from what is commonly shown doesn’t make them more endearing or likable or even remotely realistic surely?

In general, MPDGs are dangerous because their blinded male lovers don’t seem them in any real measure, more as designs of their own, existing to imbue their own lives with all they are missing. But in Remember Me, we don’t even get to see how Guy sees Girl, much less see her for our own selves. Guy and Girl barely share a meaningful eyeline, I can’t recall a single intimate or perfectly honest conversation, which leads me to……

UGH I’m tired of big screen romances having their highs shown almost exclusively through physical intimacy, because this message is completely toxic, and this is not just me spreading my asexual agenda honestly? Seriously, how much of a copout is it for the connection to be, you know, ambling on just fine, nothing special or sparkly, until that one kiss or that one morning-after with a camera pan of the girl’s bare back kissed with soft dusty morning sunlight and the guy looking at her from the window with some kind of stupidass serious contemplation? Can we not be led to believe that this is how connections are formed, that you know someone when you know their body? It’s like that song, Suzanne by Leonard Cohen , that Leila used to play over and over when we sat alone at the pagoda every Tuesday, an hour early for our organic farming sessions, which I now love because it reminds me of those nice sunny times and nice sunny Leila who I loved so much, but bleghhh this line plz stop: And you know that she will trust you/For you've touched her perfect body with your mind.

I know, it’s obvious, Guy and Girl here are each other’s safe places in a world where so much is messy and dark for them, etc etc etc, but we don’t get a sense of the warmth at all, we don’t see how much they love/need/appreciate each other or why.

Conclusion: I do not ship Guy and Girl because there was literally nothing to go off on and therefore the entire emotional premise cannot stand and we cannot love anyone or anything we see on screen.

Moving on~

Okay it’s unfair to compare the two just because of the 9/11 relevance, but seeing this reminded me of When God Was a Rabbit by Sarah Winman that I read in 2011. It remains one of my all-time favourite books, and I remember liking it so much I lent it to Rebecca, and then later Nichole, and Krysia, and maybe some others. Lol cute memories, being in school, with girls, nice girls, wearing a uniform, sitting outside the class on the steps by the grass patch…2011 was chill as hell. ANYWAY the book changed my life and I remember sobbing in my bed when I first read it, because 9/11 being woven into the storyline felt authentic and necessary and actually helpful to our understanding of its characters – what little I’ve read of the critiques of Remember Me from Rotten Tomatoes decry its opportunist, ‘piggybacking’ of the tragedy. I’m sure everything I feel about the cheapness of the 9/11 insertion has already been written about, and my arms /shoulders hurt from my heaviest clean and press sets ever last night, so let me look for something that speaks what is in my heart.

Okie, found something close enough:

I hate this movie. I hate it a lot. And I want to spoil the ending right here but I won't. I want you to go feel the same feeling of being sucker-punched that I anti-enjoyed in the final minutes when THE BIG SURPRISE ENDING takes place. Because it's cheap. And shallow. And manipulative in a way that's not heartwarming or cute or moving. It's just gross and infuriating. It's also pretty easy to predict: a rug-pulling, emotionally pornographic climax of tragedy-kitsch that will come to you early if you're willing to pay attention to small details here and there, things the movie just puts in the background or touches on briefly, creating a timeline and an inevitable outcome that it finally shoves in your face with a big, "TA-DAAAH! TIME TO CRY EVERYONE! DO IT! NOW!"  (source)

Ah this doesn’t fit in anywhere else so here is an important stand-alone comment: fuck the opening of the film! Honestly is it naiveté that I don’t believe something like that would happen? Okay not that it would never, but it’s certainly not probable? Who the fuck shoots the individual, a mother to a young (and present!) girl no less, they successfully rob and are getting away comfortably from? I don’t wanna be this person but………..it seemed damn racist lol

Okay so obviously it’s the cheapest technique in the book but I am a sucker for voiceovers, especially ones that open and/or close films (I’m sure there’s a technical term for this, but whatever). Okay well not all, the dumbass fake deep quotes that the Twilight series open with are, well, dumbass. But the film series still rocks :-) fight me if u disagree :-)  But okay the point is that Remember Me ends with Tyler (whose life we know to have just been taken by the 9/11 attacks) and this stupidly moving voiceover narration:

Whatever you do in life will be insignificant, but it's very important that you do it, because nobody else will. Like when someone comes into your life, and half of you says, "You're nowhere near ready," but the other half says, "Make her yours forever." Michael, Caroline asked me what l would say if I knew you could hear me. I said l do know. "I love you. God, l miss you. And I forgive you."

Sorry but…………..that is just truly so stupidly moving. :’( I need my inspiration spoon-fed with zero subtlety, and this did just that. I will indeed do all I want to in life! Nobody else will! I’m gonna make her mine forever! And I truly miss and love everyone who has ever been in my life!

Since we’re on the positives now let me also generously add that there was in fact a lot of potential in the film. Which…naturally….only made it all the more disappointing. But, okay, there was a lot of richness in the subplots. Maybe too much, because it was slightly stifling, how little space they were given. But that’s only realistic right? That one guy and one girl should have at any time a hundred other things going on in their lives that aren’t played out on centre stage. So that’s good, yay. Robert Pattinson’s sister’s narrative especially was quite unique, subtle, engaging, and all in all a nice character to follow. It taught me things about the various ways in which mettle presents itself in different people, and made me want to know how to stand my ground more convincingly. I have a long way to go in denouncing cowardice. Again, I think the voiceovers helped in this respect. Pushes the viewer just enough while holding them back in the right ways, deepening roots while inspiring upward growth. Nice!  

Okay I think I’m done……..gtg eat lunch

No offence but Miley Cyrus’ new song Malibu contains and inspires ten times the emotion that this film did. This being said, I did cry in one of the final shots, of Pierce Brosnan bringing his daughter round (presumably) the Met. Only cos he’s a good actor though. Like everything else in the final act of the film, his character’s growth was very heavy-handed and traditional but he played it well. Also Malibu rocks. Also I need to stop listening to pop music :’( save me!