#I CANT DESCRIBE HOW EXCITED I AM TO GET MY HANDS ON THIS

[animal-123-crazy]

If anyone needs me in the next two weeks im busy im watching my door waiting for this to arrive so i can tear into the box like a fucking animal and scream in pure glee

raided the Fenton's weapon vault✌️👍

waiting for backing cards and I'll start shipping them out next week!

[britneyshakespeare]

i know i've been very culty on here about period underwear and reusable period products in general whenever i've brought up the topic in the last year or so but i mean it sincerely. i have never spent my money on a product that just simply improved my life so much. game-changing isn't even the beginning of it. i look forward to how much better my periods are now since i no longer have to depend on gross disposables. period underwear is the shit

[noobsoconfusing]

‘heartworm’_hamzahthefantastic

tired and sleepy conversations with your boyfriend who doesn’t shut the fuck up .

fluff, suggestive talk about martin, family ideas, cuddling in bed, established relationship.

>_<

one thing you noticed about your boyfriend is that he has many things inside his head, a raging –almost painful– need to tell you everything he is thinking about, and while you thank him for the trust, you can’t help but wonder if he analyses the things he says out loud before verbally vomiting them.

“y/n, are you awake?” hamzah’s voice came out soft and groggy, his low tone dragging in a whisper made you open your eyes almost so quick that it hurt.

“hmm, yes.” you replied, adjusting your sight to the dark room.

“do you…wanna talk?” he shifted on the bed, turning his body to face yours. he had a small smile as he looked at you. you felt warm.

the way his hair was messy, and his face so naturally familiar to you felt almost dreamy.

hamzah’s big sleepy eyes made your heart feel like a cooker bomb. weird comparison but to be honest you could almost feel the way it was going to explode anytime.

and god, you love him so much. unexplainably so damn much. he thought the same of you.

“cant sleep, huh?” you asked, getting closer to his body under the covers, but then you felt how one of your cats, probably blue, squealed. he was probably sound asleep between hamzah’s body and yourself, always looking for warmth. the protection of his cat parents

“mmm, nope, not really.” he sighed. “have so much stuff going on, you know? inside my mind, i mean.” he admitted, one of his hands travelled to your face, and he stroked your cheek only to feel some sort of contact. “so fuckin’ pretty, huh, you’re my pretty girl..”

you leaned into the touch like a needy pet, and he couldn’t help but smile, heart feeling full.

“whats inside your mind, hamzah?” you asked curiously.

although you were extremely tired and sleepy, hamzah always came first to you. soul intimacy was important, not only sex, and you wanted to know what was bothering him or keeping him awake at such indecent hours.

“you. always.” oh. “like, for real, y/n, and i don’t wanna sound obsessed, even though yeah, i am pretty much obsessed with you–,” he paused to swallow. your heart felt so heavy with a feeling you couldn’t quite describe, but only hamzah made you feel. “i am always thinking about you.”

to be reciprocated, to be seen. hamzah made you feel seen, as he pretty much matched your deep feelings for him. –oh, y/n, you match my freak!– his voice filled your head. so nice.

“i feel the same way” you bluntly said. “each day i feel like we have been dating for my whole life, because this crazy funny feeling never really goes away.” by that you meant, the exciting feeling of expectation and young love.

first love.

he giggled, low tone. “right! i know, it’s like, okay, like i feel like i am a kid in love, you know? all silly and nervous around you, but at the same time i feel like we have been married for ages!”

to be reciprocated, to be seen. to be in love.

“i love you, hamzah.” you admitted, your voice suddenly softer.

and he didn’t reply, instead, he lifted the covers all the way up till they were engulfing your bodies, the closeness was comforting, and his arms moved around your frame until a hug was crafted. so perfect and tender. his body was like a boiler, providing you of heat, almost like a heat pad for cramps… but man sized.

he looked at you, big round eyes silently speaking, hoping you hear them, –god i love you, i love you so much you’re my fucking world, i wanna spend my whole damn life by your side.– silent confession.

instead, he says;

“have you ever had tapeworms?” hamzah asks out of the blue.

you blink. blink twice. then three times. and then you sigh, remembering your boyfriend was just, well, just like that. it didn’t ruin the atmosphere though, you enjoyed… whatever the fuck he was trying to say.

“hmmm, i don’t think i have had tapeworms, no” you answer snuggling up to his bare chest.

hamzah hums. “it’s fine, me neither by the way, i just asked ‘cause whenever i think of you my heart feels like it’s got a tapeworm inside of it…”

silly, you thought. lovely.

“yeah. i think i know what you mean.”

“i think it’s in the way we match each other so fucking well, yeah? i never thought i could find a person that just… loves me… for what i am…” he said and you felt your heart skip a beat.

your eyebrows furrowed. “elaborate.”

“for instance, you’re my friend, but also my girlfriend, but also my wife, but also my best friend, and not only that, you’re also like, my life partner, you know?”

ugh, stupid fucking feelings. you felt so deeply about hamzah that your heart felt like it could burst out anytime.

“hey, i love you so much it’s almost overwhelming.” you admitted, melting into his touch. “for so long i thought nobody would ever notice me or listen to me or even just, be my friend. or try to take the time to understand me…” your voice lowered at the end of your sentence.

he groaned at how close you were. satisfaction, of course.

“you’re so beautiful, y/n.” he kissed the top of your head. “like, i also thought that martin would be my only friend forever, as scary as it sounds.” he laughed and you did too.

“hey! martin’s nice!” you defended your friend.

“i mean yeah, i love him too, but it’s different. not in the way i love you, and i know he doesn’t love me in the way he loves mandy.” he explained.

“yeah, i know.” you laughed sleepily, as you leaned onto hamzah’s body. it helped a ton that he slept shirtless because you liked the raw closeness.

“martin is cool, but if i had never met you, i would have blue balls and an empty heart!”

“and gay allegations, still.” you added, laughing.

“but most importantly blue balls..” hamzah said serious, with a sigh.

“huh?!”

“i can’t fuck martin. i can’t make love to martin, though, just think about it.”

“dude…” you said, trying not to burst out laughing out loud.

“i have thought about it, but only before meeting you, it’s just weird!” hamzah explained, with a nervous smile on his face.

“you don’t have to think about that, hamzah!” a smile creeped up on your lips. an awkward one.

“right, i know.” he defended himself-, “i don’t think about it anymore, i was just a lonely man before you, though.” ah, you knew that.

every time they could, mandy and martin made sure to tell you how much of a loner miserable man hamzah was. a painfully single dude. even the slushies would be constantly commenting jokes about it.

“because you’re weird that’s why…” you joked and he clicked his tongue. “that’s why i love you”

“you know, before you; it was my hand, lotion, tissues and me against the world.” he listed as if it was a great accomplishment.

as if it was something super fucking serious. to be fair, it was very serious to him.

“no video?” you joked. it felt so nice and genuine to talk about silly stuff like this with your man.

he stopped to think for a second. “nah, just my imagination. always imagined you though, even before meeting you i always imagined someone like you.” he kissed your forehead.

“wow, how romantic, it’s almost as if you’re not talking about beating your meat.”

as you both comfortably joked and laughed, a nice silence filled the room.

hamzah pulled you closer, which you thought was physically impossible, but still, your body thanked his devotion for physical affection.

his low voice broke the silence.

“y/n…”

“yes, hamzah?”

he sighed, holding your waist close to his own. you could feel him, feel him merging with your body, but it was nice, not really anything more than intimacy.

“i can’t wait to have a family with you.” he said, the weight of the confession leaving his chest felt so good.

your eyes opened wide. and you stuttered to reply.

“we are a family.” you said.

the cats, him, you. yeah, a family as god intended, right? but still, you knew what he meant. and you wanted it too.

“do you think we’ll be good parents?” he asked, the tone in his voice indicating he was being honest, being hopeful. he hoped for you to say yes so badly.

you thought for a moment…

“i think we’ll be okay, hamzah.” yeah.

“we’ll be okay, love.” he said, but it was almost as if he was trying to reassure himself.

hamzah wanted a big family, and he liked thinking about caring for the little humans you’d create together.

and the room filled with silence yet again, as you heard his calm breathing, you realised he had fallen asleep. the comfort of his embrace made you fall asleep as well.

hamzah felt so safe with you, so understood. never judged at all. he said weird stuff, but you always had a smile on your face. never grossed out by him, never angry, always loving.

it was nice. to be reciprocated, to be seen.

the heartworm inside his heart wiggled happy, eating his flesh and leaving a trace of only you.

>_<

hope u liked this. i did. heh.

[honeyhotteoks]

Okay I'm 5'7 too so thank you for your detailed description of the members and I'm not surprised but kinda am at the same time about their appearance??

Low-key love seeing all the live content but also feel left out as an Aussie atiny BUT I'm seeing skz in October so I'm excited for that!!

Speaking of their appearance, the members of skz are a lot more muscular in person than how they look.

I was expecting them to be skinny and boney but they all look incredibly strong and fit-even Han and Felix-

Han actually looks slightly more buff and muscly then Felix which surprised me and Lee Know is just as defined and muscular as Changbin which no one talks about.

Anyway- yunho brain rot.

I was listening to the audiobook of haunting Adeline because I finally caved in from the TikTok influence and my friend telling me how sexy the novel is.

Idk if it's because I'm going to therapy or I'm too old but I thought it was over-hyped-

I did love how the author described the themes of fear and stalking because when I did get tense when she'd leave the room, come back and there would be a 🌹 on the counter.

BUT I did get delulu and I was reading some scenes where zade is just consumed with Adeline and I was gasping 'like omg yunho could be like this' because his natal chart indicates if he was psychotic and unhealed enough- could delve into stalking territory.

And yes okay- this shit is toxic and scary and awful in real life BUT LET ME FANTASISE FOR A SECOND!

What if yunho was that borderline toxic boyfriend that just CANT leave you alone??

Watches you from afar, sends you messages all day-

Somnophilia thought here-

You don't live with yunho but have given him a key and go to bed with no panties on b/c it's a common occurrence he'll drive over in the middle of the night b/c it's been too long since he's felt you under him and he has to ravish you.

You wake up to his tongue on you clit as he moans and breathes your scent in which eventually leads to you making love with him as he virtually suffocates you with his body and words?

You're mine, you're not leaving me, I'm destined to be with you, on top of you, inside you, I can't breathe w/o you.

EMOTIONAL DAMAGE!!

MY FRIEND THE WAY YOU ALWAYS SERVE UP THE GREATEST IMAGERY OF ALL TIME TO RUIN ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

first of all........ love that you're seeing skz!!! i'm hoping if and when they announce tour dates for north america next year there's a chance for me to see them

as far as your yunho brainrot goes................. IM DIZZY. i love your natal chart content, and i've been so obsessed with the idea of yunho being like perfect boyfriend great guy................but................there's that part of him that just can't help being possessive and having this sense of ownership over his partner.

i was just actually reading a fic for another fandom along the lines of what you're describing and i was like YUNHO YUNHO YUNHO the whole time. i might write my own version but......... brainrot under the cut

so i think there's two yunho possibilities that i love within this like possessive/stalker/dubcon realm, and one is straight up like suuuuuper healthy relationship but they play with CNC in intense ways and do full on like roleplay OR my current favorite brainrot which aligns with your idea and the fic i was just reading which is like...... desperately obsessed desperately in love fully fixated on reader not leaving him because he just has to consume her fully at all times.

he and reader have been dating for a while and he's honestly the 10/10 perfect boyfriend (she thinks) only.... she knows he gets a little funny about certain things. when other guys talk to her he just has to have his hands on her, and when he worries about her he really worries, almost too much. he gets jealous about the funniest little things, and he's always nervous about change, he just doesn't want anything to burst their little bubble so much so that he's controlling the situation a little too much. but.... she also loves him, and he hasn't really stepped over the line of toxic.......... until she catches him stealing a pair of her panties and realizes his phone is full of pictures of her.

and it starts off like an argument, until he starts to confess his real fantasies. and he knows it might be too much, but she makes him so insane it's like he can't help himself. and the longer he talks about all of those fantasies, confessing how fucked he knows it is and how she really could do better, she just keeps getting more and more turned on. and it's shocking to her too, but she really fucking likes it. she's never had someone take care of her, really and truly take care of everything and just let her exist without having to make all the decisions or take control, and he's just offering it all to her on a platter she just has to let him take it.

and so while he thinks revealing his desires is about to break them up, and he's losing his fucking mind about it, she's ready to double down hard on the relationship and on what they do behind closed doors. so she shocks him when she not only agrees for more but asks for more.

and so that's when she gives him the key, that's when she tells him that he's allowed to come in whenever he wants. to touch her whenever he wants. she wants it all, but all she asks in exchange is that he stops hiding his desires from her, because that's what was driving the wedge between them. he's patient about using the new found control though, because he doesn't know what that will do for their relationship and she doesn't necessarily know what she's allowing him to do..... he can't smother her ALL at once.

but that changes when she falls asleep one night before texting him goodnight, she's been stressed and worn thin and he's not had the opportunity to see her let alone take care of her..... and he's feeling a little neglected too. and he waits a couple of hours for a response, but finally he decides it's time to use the key. so he drives over, slips in quietly, and finds her sound asleep, phone still clutched in her fingers and a video looping on repeat.

he's hard in a second, desperate in a second, and he has to do something about it. so he starts off slow, peeing off her clothes and gently teasing her nipples, getting a blush in her cheeks and making her perfectly hot and receptive to his tongue teasing her sweet clit.

she’s been so tired lately that she’s well and truly out, and she doesn’t really wake up until he’s teasing her wet cunt with his cock, not quite fucking her yet but everything in between. and when she wakes it’s mid-orgasm and desperate for more, and she's aware that something feels different but she just woke up and she's caught between realizing yunho is actually here and pushing himself inside her and thinking it might be a dream.

but he's whispering to her, clutching her close and begging her to just let him have this.... and of course she will, she agreed, but as she comes more and more into consciousness the feeling of him and his words start to make sense. he’s not wearing a condom for the first time ever, and that's not something they've ever agreed on going without before. she's just trying to figure out what is going on but he's fucking into her harder and deeper than before, with a whimpering need on his lips that makes her body curl up in pleasure and she knows she should stop him but truthfully she doesn't want to.

and while she clings to him, yunho's delirious. the feeling of having her completely, of knowing he's the only person who's ever been inside her fully with nothing between them, of knowing that the risk might be worth it. his mind starts to spin until he's a babbling mess, telling her he's going to leave a piece of himself behind for her, make them whole, make sure she can never ever leave.

and even though she knows it's a terrible idea, a decision only made in the middle of sex because it feels good, she finds herself clutching him closer, goading him on. no one has ever wanted her quite like he does and it makes her want to throw everything she's ever cared about right out the window if it means he'll look at her like this forever.

ANYWAYS now i have to write full lowkey toxic possessive yunho with a reader who is down to be fully consumed by him like AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

[notanerdyprude]

fun things i noticed rewatching npmd act 1:

sam sweetly was investigating richies death

richie messed with his fingers absentmindedly

everyone pronounces stephs last name correctly (law-ter) except the teacher (low-ter) because teachers cant pronounce peoples names correctly

pete is almost always curled into himself while steph is almost always sat more like. outward. i dont know how to describe it.

petes plaid on his suspenders and bowtie matches stephs flannel

stephanie wears a lot of jewellery

ruth and richie hold on to pete at the end of “literal monster”’s first chorus

the literal monster choreogrophy fucking SLAPS byw

richie is such a bitch “its LIPSCHITZ 🙄🙄” “i never intended to walk through your hallway”

richie keeps his hands under his armpits most of the time

graces little “mhm. mhm.” after she says “his name is jesus christ” >>>

max and grace nodding at eachother is never not going to be funny to me

kyle is max’s biggest hype-man. homosexual activity if you ask me.

ruth and the nerd in purple enter the stage hiding behind the bleachers during max’s verse

“next time youre going to cheat do it like a lauter and dont get caught” so solomon most likely got to his position illegally

“somebody WALKS to the office with STEPHANIE LAUTER 🙄” richie is a Bitch

ruth cares very deeply about library rules

she immediately stops caring about them as soon as stephanie lauter calls him

ruth rolls her eyes when richie starts his “aot > star wars shit”, so shes clearly heard this a shit ton before

petes jumper also matches stephanies foannel

pete is in the shadows for a good part of cooler than i think i am because he keeps walking through them

as soon as the bridge is done he goes from being in the light to beingbik the shadows again

peter can also be a bitch

max doesnt come from money

max started being a prick in 4th grade

jason seems to be an actually good dude.

max has a major god complex obviously but like. it is bad. it is BAD.

mark, despite being married to her, calls graces mom ‘mother’

graces mom also wears butterfly clips

richies side eye the second steph walks over im DECEASED.

richie looks so horrified by steph touching him

cooler than him tune plays when they walk into the boys bathroom

richie side-eyes people a lot

“steph-an-ie”

pete’s “grace 🙄” i love him hes so bitchy

hatchet town tune plays in the bg a lot

richie naruto runs into the waylon place

richie is VERY excited by the plan “WE’LL MAKE HIM SHIT HIS PANTS 😁”

petes a marvel nerd. he does both the hulk and spidermans gestures

richie is ruths wingman confirmed

richie fiddles with the little tassles on petes jacket

max is very good at puns

will is scarily good at sounding like blood is coming out of his mouth

pete has a very short temper

grace actively cheers for ruth after she cuts off max’s nips

stacy calls richie “mr. lipschitz”. for some reason.

THE HARMONIES IN GO GO NIGHTHAWKS ARE SO GOOD

richie calls jason jace :(( /pos

“theyre my bros for life” they said ONE nice thing to you get some standards i BEG

richies face immeidately dropping as soon as max says “richieee”

richies wearing 4 layers on top and a pair of shorts. transgender.

max’s blood is sparkly.

max shakes his hand after touching richie

max thinks people in the smoke club are cool

max locks the door on richie

he does the choreo from thriller by michael jackson

richies squeal after max makes him fall

max is heavy projecting onto richie

max seems genuinely pissed when richie says ‘im not a loser.’ he only chills when richie says ‘please don’t kill me’.

he taunts richie by calling him his actual name. he never called richie his real name, only shit-lips. false sense of security type shit.

[stuck-in-the-ghost-zone]

mackerel!!!!! good morninnnnnnnng :] sharing my coffee with u :3 anyway. free ticket for whatever worm thoughts ur having!!! 🎫🎫🎫 cell is a fucking rollercoaster so like, u know, whenever u have thoughts w any degree of organization lmao!! the fucking.... charlotte interlude where danny just sits and watches the rest of the undersiders (teenagers)(aisha throwing a bag of chips at grue's head)(grue killed burnscar a member of the slaughterhouse 9)(terrifying)(they're both in demon masks and grue is in black leather)(supervillains who he's been hearing taylor talk about like they're a certain doom for hours)(kids)(people she loves)(she was doing so much for infrastructure for the docks which was also danny's thing) hammer out their game plan means a lot 2 me.... anyway it's been a while since last bothering u abt worm ask!! so. holds microphone up to u. hehehe :3

dude u have literally the most perfect timing ever I JUST finished the lung interlude. lol. Definitely not thinking about it at all. the next arc is called Drone. awesome ! like the fuckign. other word for male bees which have no stinger and are not as useful to the hive as worker bees and cannot even feed themselves without assistance from workers. often used in media to describe a mindless . well. drone. part of a hivemind. awesome loving the implications of this. i need 2 take a fucking BREAK

ANYWAY. CELL. GOD. MAN. FUCK. DEFINITELY *NOT* THE DIRECTION I THOUGHT THAT ARC WAS GOING TO GO. youve pretty much said everything I could possibly say about the Charlotte interlude. I do in fact have a screenshot of the part where imp throws a bag of chips at grues head. and also when they first get there imp and regent immediately start rummaging around for snacks. and they take the bags of gummies that charlotte was planning to put in the kids school lunches the next day. and . fucking RACHEL walking in not with huge monster dogs but with a bunch of puppies on colorful leashes. willingly handing puppies to two basically strangers. willing to go into a room with a bunch of children who don't know how to behave correftly around dogs and letting them play with her puppies. I cant even fucking talk about Rachel and how she's changed since the beginning of the story without getting so overwhelmed with it all i love her so much. I love her SO much dude.

having conflicting emotions about weaver !!!!!!!!!!!!!! i love taylor so much you know this about me. i am very excited to see another side of the heroes and get more insight into the inner workings of both the ward system and also the prt in general (definitely not going to think about nhw) BUT ALSO . I LOVE THE UNDERSIDERS TOO MUCH. IM GONNA MISS THEM SO MUCH. AND!!!! and. I don't know how they feel about this decision yet. I mean they were pretty laid back during their visit but I also know how good they are (esp tattletale) at . not letting onto things . putting up a front to keep appearances. aaughhh.

I want to know what the fuck was in the drawer that dragon showed taylor that made her agree to all of this right away. was it the new mask????? that's my assumption rn. speaking of which as much as I want to squish defiant sometimes I VERY MUCH love his robot girlfriend. defiant can stay as long as I get to see his weird fucked up dynamic with dragon. but he's on thin ice.

I do also really like miss militia.......... she's frustrating as much as the others are sometimes but. I like her. she knows things are fucked and is willing to hear out the other side even if she doesn't always act on it. OH ALSO SPEAKING OF HEROES really excited that parian and fletchette are undersiders now :) I like them.

uhhhhh uh uh uh I made that big long post about self fulfilling prophecies regarding the whole apocalypse in two years thing ,, my thoughts on that have not changed and have in fact been REINFORCED by lungs interlude . he specifically was given a two year time limit. hmm i wonder FUCKING WHY. god. I need to talk to dinah i need a dinah interlude. I need to know what she thinks of all of this

[quijabored]

Spoilers for the entirety of S5 of BSD cuz I finished it and what the FUCK just happened

Where do I even begin

I can't take this shit anymore bro, HOW THE FUCK DO FICTIONAL MEN ON A LITTLE SCREEN MAKE ME SO EMOTIONAL

Cuz like-

And-

AH????

HOW DO I EVEN-

Okay okay uh

Dazai

WHAT THE FUCK DAZAI

FIRST OFF, I LOVE THAT MAN SO MUCH OH MY GOD

HE SCARED ME SO BADLY LIKE I KNEW HE WASNT GONNA DIE BUT IT JUST- SEEING THE BLOOD AND SEEING EVERYTHING FALL APART I CANT

I HAD TO PAUSE LIKE HALFWAY THROUGH CUZ I NEEDED TO PROCESS

SIGMA

HES SO SILLY

I FUCKING LOVE MY CHILDREN

Terribly sorry for the vulgar language I am very emotional right now how do I process this-

THE ENTIRE TIME HE WAS WITH DAZAI I WAS LIKE "Oooooh please join the ADA youd fit right in-"

EVEN WITH HIS FIRST APPEARANCE WHEN ATSUSHI SAVED HIM LIKE

AAAAHHHHHH

Asagiri please make ADA Sigma, ASAGIRI PLEASE

I REALLY HOPE HE GETS INTO THE ADA OH MY GOD

THE WHOLE HOME THING PLEASE I JUST

HES SO ME

I LOVE BSD OH MY GOD I LOVE BSD I LOVE BSD I LOVE BSD I-

THE WHOLE VAMPIRE STUFF GOES CRAZY WHAT THE FUCK

Can't believe Chuuya manadged to trick a mastermind with contact lenses and glued on fangs

THE WHOLE KENJI STUFF??? I LOVE HIM????

Please the fact that Tecchou is going out of his way to find Jouno like brother that is not straight I love them :(

WAAAAAAA KENJI GOT SO MUCH SHIT THIS SEASON AND PART OF THE LAST ONE TOO LIKE AAGHHH LET HIM HAVE A BREAK

I love Aya and Bram so much, I got sad and happy and upset and excited and-

AAAGGHHH

The table to pull the sword out had me so happy and then it failed and then she jumped down and then I got scared and then she got saved and-

ASAGIRIS PAYING FOR MY HOSPITAL BILLS BRO DEADASS ON THE VERGE OF A HEART ATTACK

AAAGHHHH BRAM SEES AYA AS LIKE HIS DAUGHTER RIGHT??? THEYRE SO CUTE I WANT THEM TO GO ON FAMILY OUTINGS AND HAVE ICE CREAM OR WHATEVER PARENTS DO WITH CHILDREN

"Use youre evil bwahaha power! Do something!"

I LOVE THEM :(

Ranpo getting stabbed in the hand scared me shitless though, like infront of Fukuzawa too??? Really??? Thats his autistic son :(

AAAAAAA okay, OKAY, I don't hate Fukuchi-

I didn't actually hate him, like he pisses me off but god damn he was one of my favorites for a bit and he's staying in top 15 (Not sure if hed make it into top 10 or not)

Fuck man, the shit with Fukuzawa and Fukuchi?? Made me tear up a bit tbh

YOU KNOW WHO I DO HATE??? FYODOR. THAT FUCKING BITCH-

I still want him, I love that man so much I love his character and and and-

THE SHIT HE MANADGED TO PULL OFF THOUGH??? AAAA????

LIKE

OH MY GOD AND THE SHIT WITH SIGMA

Pulling up the episode again to try and find the line

"It only took him 10 odd minutes to minipulate you. You arent the kind of man who would normally take such risks."

Like I read that and I was like "STOP THAT DO NOT TRY AND MINIPULATE MY SON"

And then he continued to try and minipulate my son. And succeeded. Kinda.

ALSO WHATS UP WITH THE NOTE

THE ONE THAT SAID HELP ME IN RUSSIAN

I REMEMBER HEARING PEOPLE TALK ABOUT THAT AND THEIR SPECULATION AS OF TO WHY FYODOR DIDNT MAKE IT BUT THEN LIKE IM PRETTY SURE HE DID??

Either Asagiris gonna pull some wild shit again or Fyodor really thought that far back.

I hate the whole DID section bro like fucking hell Fyodor, QUIT BEING AN ASSHOLE JUST LEAVE SIGMA ALONE :(

AAAAAAAA AND VAMP AKU??? BRO. BRO BRO BRO

I CANT

I CANT EXPLAIN IT BUT THE WHOLE SCENE WHERE ATSUSHIS LIKE "Akutagawa Ik youre in there D:"

LIKE AAAAAAA

THOSE TWO ARE NOT STRAIGHT OH MY GOD

AAAAAAAAA BACK TO DAZAI, WHEN HE GOT SHOT I WAS LIKE "UH UH UH NONONO HES MOT DEAD CUZ- UH- UHHHH CUZ CHUUYA USED HIS INSIDE MIND POWERS AND STOPPED THE BULLET"

I WAS KINDA RIGHT CUZ I DID GENUINELY THINK HE WAS A VAMPIRE AND I WAS LIKE CHUUYA NO

Can't believe Chuuya manadged to trick me with contact lenses and glued on fangs-

AHHH WHEN DAZAI GOT "SHOT" I WAS COPING SO HARD THOUGH

And then I didn't have to cope so that was nice :3

WORDS CANNOT DESCRIBE HOW HAPPY I WAS WHEN FYODOR GOT STABBED IN THE HELICOPTER

OH MY GOD I LOVED THE SCENE BECAUSE PLOT BUT FUCK I HATED THAT SCENE CUZ FYODORS ONE OF MY FAVORITES BRO

I LOVE HIM SO MUCH I NEED TO KILL THAT GUY :(

AAAAAAAA AND NIKOLAI??? HELP??? MY SON??? ITS OKAY ITS OKAY ITS GONNA BE OKAY

"You wanted to kill him, didn't you?"

"Yeah. I certainly did. No, I didnt. No... Youre right."

FUCK.

FUCKING HELL ASAGIRI IM GONNA CRY

Please Asagiri make him come back so he can be like "nooo Nikolai Im not actually dead, youre actually halucinating" or something CUZ FUCK I CANT HAVE NIKOLAI LOOKING SO SAD

HE LOOKS SO VULNERABLE AND I JUST-

AAAAAAAAAA????

Just to be clear, I'm so glad Fyodors dead, I got attached to him knowing he was probably gonna die, and while I do feel hurt by it, HE CAN STOP PESTERING THE ADA YAAAAYYYY

AND IN TURN, SIGMA :DDD

(Hes an ADA member now trust guys trust)

AAAAAAA FUKUCHI AND FUKUZAWA BRO

WHEN FUKUZAWA SLASHED HIM AND WE SAW HIS EXPRESSION LIKE AAAAA

I KEPT SAYING I HATED FUKUCHI BUT I REALLY DIDNT, EVEN IF IT TOOK HIM DYING (??) TO REALIZE THAT

THE WHOLE SCENE WHERE FUKUCHI WAS TELLING FUKUZAWA TO KILL HIM LIKE AAAGGHHHH

AND THE WHOLE WANTING WORLD PEACE LIKE AAAAAAAA

WAAAAAAAA

AND THEN HE GETS KILLED BY TERUKO??? AAA??

MY BABY SHE WAS CRYING I FELT SO BAD LIKE AAAAAHHH

"Dont look at him! Dont do this to him..." WHEN SHE WAS TALKING TO ATSUSHI AFTER LIKE FUCK

AND THEN FUKUZAWA YELLING LIKE WAAAAAAAAAA YOU CANT DO THIS TO ME BRO

ASAGIRI WHEN I CATCH YOU ASAGIRI-

AND THE WAY FUKUZAWA WAS HOLDING HIM PLEASE IM GONNA CRY

I don't usually cry for animes since I just suck with emotions, but this damned show made me pause before the ending to just sob for a good 5 minutes

And now with that out of the way,

WHAT THE FUCK IS HAPPENING??? FYM 2 HOURS LATER??? HOW IS THE WORLD ON FIRE IN 2 HOURS??? HELLO?????

SWITCHING TO THE MANGA THE NEXT TIME I WANNA BSD CUZ ITS SLIGHTLY MORE PROGRESSED FROM MY UNDERSTANDINGS BUT AAAAAAA

FUKUCHI HAD ME SOBBING AND THEN HE COMES BACK AS LIKE A GOD THING??? I THINK????

IS FUKUCHI DEAD OR NOT????

I mean considering he's floating I have no idea what happens BUT STILL

AAAAAAAAA I HATE THIS SHOW SO MUCH IT MAKES ME GO YAY AND THEN NO AND THEN YAY AND THEN NO AND-

SHOUTOUT TO MY COUSIN BTW SHES BEEN SITTING THERE WATCHING ME POUR MY HEART OUT THE ENTIRE TIME I WAS WATCHING THIS DAMN SHOW

I can't ramble to her about much since she's also watching it, BUT AAAAAAA

I LOVE BSD SO MUCH IM SOBBING

I HATE THIS I LOVR THEM SO MUCH I HATE BSD I HATE IT I HATE IT OH MY GOD (I love bsd its my comfort show :3)

[whumpshaped]

How do you write gore? I am interested in this process.

alright okay so. this got long and i also mention some brief examples of gore in there. i hope its somewhat helpful?? or at all?? im not sure. im not great at giving advice im sorry

gore is something very precious and intimate to me. i feel like i approach it in a way people would approach a tender smut scene. because its the same to me. its being able to peel back someones little layers. to be inside them. to know them. to know them better than they know themselves, because honestly, when was the last time you took a peek at your own kidneys? yeah i thought so. gore too takes two or more people because whatever gore you can inflict on yourself is Nothing compared to the tender intimacy of someone else digging around in your stomach. its vulnerable. its beautiful.

as for literal descriptions, i always try to get very visceral with it, because i feel like it deserves detail and long drawn out paragraphs of description. there are so many sensations and sounds and sights and smells to describe. i cant write super detailed smut but i can write the exact way someone would reach inside someone else's ribcage and slide their fingers under the bone to caress their lungs. its just so much more comfortable to me. it feels like home.

i look at tons of images of specific elements of gore i want to write, real images, drawings, medical illustrations etc. when i can, i watch surgery videos on it. i want to know what it's like so i can write it as best as i can.

i like to relate it to my own life too. shout out to my 5th grade literature teacher who said "whenever i think about being burned at the stake, i like to imagine how much it hurts when i accidentally burn my hand on the clothing iron or stove. and thats just a moment, and a small surface." she was so real for that. breaking every bone in someones body? think back to that time u broke the tiniest bone in your wrist at age 11 and your entire arm went numb. putting needles in someones fingers? blood draws, or pricking yourself while sewing, but times ten or a hundred. and if you really cant relate it to yourself, read about it, read the symptoms, read the accunts of ppl who HAVE gone through it, try to really imagine it.

and dont forget about shock. shock is one of the best parts of gore to me. because you will probably go into shock when you see your severed arm (shout out to the medical instructor who taught us first aid on my drivers course).

idk. gore is something so precious and important to me. it just sucks me in, it feels like writing a long unhinged love letter as an obsessive lover. every time.

and that doesnt mean i condone gore or think its morally awesome to dismember someone. but you can write it that way from a whumper's perspective. but you can also write whumpers who dont really like it but have to do it for whatever reason. whumper pov is good if you dont want to try and explain how itd feel. some things i like to consider: is this the first time whumper does this? does it make them giddy with excitement? or is this the thousandth time and its just work to them? do they like what theyre doing? is it a means to an end or is it for fun? do they have any medical knowledge?

then of course you can write it from whumpee's perspective, which might be good for not going into anatomical detail. whumpee doesn't really see whats going on, most likely. and there's so much blood! it's their blood! theyre not thinking about anatomy, theyre thinking pain pain pain pain PAIN PAIN PAIN. some things i like to consider: has whumpee ever gone through something like this? is this the first time they're seriously hurt? is it the thousandth? and if it is the thousandth, how does it compare to the previous times? how is whumpee's pain tolerance? are they afraid of dying? do they have any medical knowledge, can they kinda gauge how bad the damage will be?

you can bring in a third observer, write it from their pov. itll be vastly different every time based on that character's own feelings towards gore, towards the two or more people involved, etc. there are so many ways to depict and explain what gore looks and feels like.

when i write gorey stuff, i like to just get it all out in a first draft, then go back and do some "realism checks" (this might not be smth you want at all and thats okay :) ). not medical accuracy or anything, but i like to go back and think okay, this character is getting their eyes plucked out, would they really be snarky during the process? maybe not! lets take that out. gore is smth that is usually rly far removed from your life/experiences, so it takes effort to write it in a way that feels authentic.

in any case, just have fun and remember fantasy gore hurts no one :)

[iliveforyouilongforyouvesuvia]

oh god you have foolishly provided me a chance to dump the contains of my soul and heart out in the open through throwing all my favorite songs to listen to and think of Muriel at you in this essay i WILL

ok first i know its on his official playlist already BUT i feel a need to emphasize just how much it is ABsoLUTEly HIS song most of any of them: drumroll please::: 👏Wolf👏 by 👏First Aid Kit👏 any muriel simp reading this right now i am pounding you with my brainwaves of intent to go listen to it Right Now and Read those Lyrics and just try to tell me its not literally about him god if could draw id be doing such a cool animatic about it but alas it dies with me anyway WAYWARD WINDS!!! A VOICE THAT SINGS!!!! OF A!! FORGOTTEN!!!! LAND!!!!!!! SEE IT FALL!!!! CHILD OF WAR!!!! OH LEND!!!! A MENDING HAND!!!!!!!!!!! i believe ive made myself clear kbgxkyhfhkvd

https://youtu.be/6PmuuiXgIZE

i dont know if links work on anon but i had to try gjzghfdtomfg our wedding song straight up this is in my language and also like. about a girl but the words are easy to switch around so it fits lol it basically just goes like "you just had to know (to do something? like in a you know how to work me way lmao linguistics hard), that i cant forget you at all/i forgot my mother and father/my sister and my brother but i cant goshdarn forget you" and i dont know i probably cant translate that so it hits right but god its absolutely perfect to me cause like I DIDNT! FORGET HIM!! MC REMEMBERS HIM AT LEAST A LITTLE BIT!!!! EVEN WITH THE CURSE I DONT KNOW LET ME HAVE THIS ITS TOO GD ROMANTIC I CANT BELIEVE HE GOT ME ACTING LIKE THIS AGHGF im sorry for yelling i got excited

NEXT a classic we gotta pepper some hozier on this thing so here goes Nothing Fucks With My Baby cause thats my ultimate serenade for him in my head especially the "if i was born/as a blackthorn tree/id wanna be held by you/felled by you/fuel the pyre of your enemies" part as it perfectly describes my sentiments towards my man: hes my bby i will kill for him👁️👁️

theres Always Forever by Cults, i dont have that much to rant about it i just always think of him when i play it lol theres hozier again It Will Come Back which is on his official playlist too but i play around with perspectives in this one cause i put myself in the "it" position, like. im chasing here bro👀 oh my god i have got to shut up this is entirely tmi

https://youtu.be/mLycEitwJCA

i made a whole post about this one its a whole thing lmao long story short muriel on a murderous revenge quest au MOVING ON

OH i remembered another folky one

https://youtu.be/NrgwIo8GWDI

its SUCH a banger and i love it and it goes like i saw a Wolf a Fox a Rabbit so i just imprinted on it with Muriel Asra and MC respectively cause i dont know i had a phase where i decided mcs spirit animal is a rabbit cause of that scrapped introduction chapter with the labyrinth thing i guess idk im scrambling here ngfsfugc anyway it slaps listen to it and imagine a bangin tavern party and maybe youll calm down /meme

ohh ok we're on a folksy roll thats probably because i just mostly associate old timey sounding songs with arcana in general lmao i mean its like middle ages over there right

https://youtu.be/t9PUlNQOZ8o

this ones in my language again i know annoying but i found a translated version look!!! AND theres a bunch of people correcting the mistakes in the comments too if you were wanting to get deeper into research hkdggjyecb and its white voice style so depending on your taste it might sound silly but yeah this ones got some fitting lines too tying up with Murmur and its so cute and so cheesy and hopeful and sappy and it cheers me up aw

oh my god i wonder if anyone gets this far reading this ever if youre seeing this its probably during a scroll roll slow just enough to make out the letters Hello godspeed you continue on your journey with my blessings cause im noT EVEN DONE YET HAHAHAHAHAA

Motha Motha! Problems! nuff said

https://youtu.be/artn9fErRp8

this ones gonna take explaining gjxgkhpgz but maybe not that much

https://youtu.be/_h9V94b4R2g

i just had a eureka moment one day and so another animatic concept to take to my grave was born lmao but mostly its just playing into Muriels & MCs "nO i cOULd hUrt YoU Go aWaY" + "ayo hold my flower ima kill them real quick" dynamic theyve got heehee like the whole "~Dangerous~ ooh that sounds good ya" bit and also yes im in your house no im not leaving jgdghkfhgd and like i just imagined the song fitting the vibe of the whole murder lucio quest road trip with MC all "yo we Getting this shit DONE dont fuck around w my crew" (The Crew: feral milf & bear with anxiety) AND LIKE i always get to the "party like we all gon die tonight" basedrop part with the whole visual montage of us finding khamgalai and then the graveyard fight and Absolutely Everything Going to Shit and the mood shifting to "well fuck maybe we do not in fact got this" but its good we kick lucio all the way to hell at the end we good💕

https://youtu.be/ZxWiG6UJr0w

MMMMMMM THIS ONEE AWW im literally just scrolling through my endless unsorted playlist to find these gdiyyfgfz this ones just cute it doesnt really relate to anything at all actually when i think about it but its nice so here

https://youtu.be/6FEDrU85FLE

.....nope i got nothing on this one just plop it right in here

oh my god. its over. weve done it. we're free

man i hope those links work. definitely not on mobile lol whatever

Hi! and oh, WOW, this was one of the most delightfully wild essays I've ever read for Muriel and I loved it. Especially describing the dynamic on the trip south as "feral milf & bear with anxiety" XD

I've found that links don't work in asks, even with the media option turned on, so I'll include them below. Thanks for your suggestions, anon, I'll put them on the tag! ^.^

[neowinestainedress]

helloooo rebs i am once again with a review and this time is about hits different so let’s fucking goooo!!!!

But when you finally are done, he doesn’t shut up, he’s not half asleep like he usually is when you sneak out of his place on your tiptoes like a thief. 

OKAYYY SO THIS ISNT A ONE TIME THING

Yeah, that’s why. It’s got nothing to do with the fact you created a list of rules to follow when you two started this and you would’ve rather got hit by lighting than broken one of those. He doesn’t know it, though. So, your different personalities and lifestyles make up a good excuse. 

well i cant blame her shes smart for putting rules even if they are only for herself

He sucks his teeth, rolling his eyes at your panicked eyes that are looking around the room, before he responds nonchalantly, “Couch, probably. You always throw it there.” You quirk a brow. Always? Are you picking up habits?

i actually love when the characters unconsciously pick up habits and even more when the other person starts to realize about them something so sweet and domestic of knowing the little things about each other….

But you didn’t want to start a new thing, your ex was traumatic, no matter how good the sex was (it wasn’t even that good, currently he’s the only one you can get sex from without having to hold boring conversations with a drink in hand and spend the ride back to their place hoping you didn’t end up in the arms of a killer) he was an asshole.

SOOOOO REAL i totally get her

The fear that it was his way to confess to you and screw up twenty years of friendship got your skin crawling for a second, but when you were left alone with the black-haired man to your right, it all made sense. 

omg that’s the worst fear of being a girl and having a male friend cause why would they always wannt to ruin EVERYTHING

Haechan smiles, or smirks, it’s almost a chuckle, you can’t quite describe it. “At the gym.” 

that smirk he always make is SO HOT im on my knees for him

You shake your head, sipping on the glass of alcohol and emptying it. “No, I’ve always been like this. I think nobody made a mess of me to leave me hooked on them.” 

kinda wish i was her…

Back then you didn’t know where that night would’ve led you. You had no idea that the person that would’ve made a mess of you was right there by your side. But of one thing you can be sure, it was Johnny’s fault. 

GRABBING MY HAIR RN IM SO EXCITED ALREADY (future me editing this: oh poor me… you didn’t know what was coming 😭)

You’re sure that night nothing clicked between you and Haechan; whatever Johnny had in mind, didn’t happen. You two didn’t even exchange numbers, you can’t even remember if you said a proper goodbye to him when you stumbled out of that restaurant hanging from your best friend’s arm. 

girl wdym u didn’t ask for his number and nothing happened if i was her they would’ve had to take me away from him with security

But with him, that didn’t happen. When your eyes met again you felt something. He looked different, probably it was the black hair framing his face perfectly, some make-up on his face too, or the leather jacket he was wearing and the chains around his neck. You remembered him, clear as the sky. But he was even hotter, attracting you without saying a word, not that you would’ve heard. You were at a club, and he was leaning against the bar on the other side of you. But his eyes were speaking louder than words, and your feet followed an invisible path that got you right there, on the stool next to him. 

GOD HES SO HOT I WANT HIM SO BAD

STANDING AT THE BAR LIKE SOMETHING’S FUNNY BUBBLE ONCE YOU FIX YOUR FACE I’M GOING IN

You’re stunned and a bit taken aback because you weren’t expecting that answer, and you don’t even expect your body to light on fire. It’s not really about the words, it’s the way he gets you, like nobody ever did before, like you want him to get you, to keep up with you. And it’s also in the way his body talks, it’s addictive, it is charming, the small fidgeting of the fingers, the bounce of his legs while his legs are a bit spread open and his thighs are perfectly wrapped by those jeans that make you want to do unholy things, and his eyes, that taunting, witty light and the grin on his face. 

if i say what i’m thinking i’m going to jail……

No, you haven’t, and soon you also find out why you’ve never done it.

so true do NOT recommend

He laughs and then shakes his head. “So shitty you can’t take some more for me?” He tilts his head, raising his brows while he briefly looks down where his hands are patiently waiting for your good to go and get out of his pants. 

doggy, missionary, cowgirl, reverse cowgirl, upside down, inside out, one leg up, two legs up, in public, on a spaceship, in the garden, on the grass, in a car, in a box, on a table, against a wall

but you want him too badly and you can’t wait any longer, so you propose a thing, “Sit here, I’ll ride.” 

she’s so me

he’s too hot and uses it to his advantage a bit too often, he can’t keep getting away with it.

i’ve been saying….

“Wanted to fuck you since I saw you standing at the bar,” you confess nonchalantly, and he thinks you can’t be real, but he has no time to dwell on you and the way you are because you’re taking his breath away. He can’t even lie, he wanted you too since the same moment, if not since the very first night, so having you here feels a bit unreal. 

me too girl, me too.

It might seem strange that there’s no rule implying not falling in love, right? Well, it’s not in your brain because you never even thought that could happen. You’re not even sure you ever loved the people you dated, how could you fall for your friend with benefits? 

well unfortunately i have some news for her…

You hate to admit it, but you stare at the phone a little too long, why is he so polite about it? Damn, is your bar set so low? Is it really that bad that 90% of the men you met would’ve sent you a dick pic as the first message or a ‘what would you if I was in the shower with you’ text? Probably it is. 

lmaooo so true

you really couldn’t get those tricks, truly sure that if somebody is interested in you they won’t disappear or appear based on how fast or slow you reply

not related to the story but this made me sad cause this reminded me of my “best friend” and i think the same

do you know whom you’re talking to? A loser.

PLEASKEDJSKX 😭😭😭

The biggest surprise Haechan gifts you is that… he is not an asshole. 

WE CHEERED (the bar is in hell)

“Keep your eyes on me,” he orders and you unwillingly open them again, locking them in his. “That’s it, pretty girl.” 

god im not your strongest soldier

You weren’t in the mood, too busy letting your thoughts get the best of you, a mix of lewd images of what you would’ve done to the man you couldn’t drift your eyes from and sadness looming over your head like a cartoon cloud. 

literally me

“We do,” he replies but it’s like he’s not done, as if there’s something more he wants to tell or confess. He stops for a second, sipping on his bottle while staring at the sea at the horizon before resting his forearm on his knees and sighing, “but you never say anything about yourself.” 

i want to be mysterious like her so bad but i don’t know how to shut up

He laughs, shaking his head. This time he’s the one diverting his gaze, the next words that are about to come out sound too vulnerable in his head and he doesn’t want to imagine how heavy they will sound out loud. “I’m just saying, I would keep some things of you only for me to know

he’s so cute

“I was thinking — oh, shit,” Haechan mumbles before you shut him up by jumping on him and crashing his lips on yours, your fingers locking immediately in his hair and pulling it back harshly. “Wow, fuck, needy tonight?” 

this made me sad :( like i get her but i also get him so i feel this whole situation is kinda unfair for him but at the same time they both know this is clearly only sex

“and don’t mark me, you don’t want the others to find out, right?” No, you don’t. Or maybe you do, maybe it’s time for something to happen and break you and him apart. Cause you feel you’re going down a slippery slope and you don’t like this. Maybe you should fuck this whole thing up like you always do. But you can’t, deep down, you don’t want to. 

god no please nooo she needs therapy

SHES THE ALBATROSS SHE IS HERE TO DESTROY YOU

“Look at you,” he whispers, biting your earlobe, “is it so terrible to not have everything under control?” You feel a hint of bitterness in his voice, almost as if he’s mad at you for not letting go like this under other circumstances. “You don’t have to worry about anything.” (…) Yes, with me,” he says. “You don’t have to think about anything when you’re with me. I’ve got you.” 

my cutie ☹️☹️

NO I KNOW IM A WALKING CONTRADICTION AND IT SHOWS GOT A HISTORY OF BEING IN CONTROL IM AWARE THAT I COULD END UP HERE ALONE

That made perfect sense, but it doesn’t make sense that you panicked at the idea of him with another girl, almost feeling sick to your stomach and about to throw up.

I PICTURED YOU WITH OTHER GIRLS IN LOVEEEEE THEN THREW UP ON THE STREET

“I have a spare one,” he says before you can go back to your true self, “it can be yours.” 

crying, he’s soo sweet

That toothbrush eventually becomes yours. It sits there, right next to his, and every time you get up in the morning to escape from his bed, you’re reminded of all the lines you’ve crossed. You didn’t bring it from home, he fucking gave a toothbrush to you, and he doesn’t keep it scored somewhere in case you need it, no, it stays right there, always, next to his, as if it belongs there.  

WAIT THIS IS SO SWEET SJDJSKDJSK ITS JUST A TOOTHBRUSH BUT IT HOLDS SO MUCH MEANING

If you were your usual you, you would’ve been able to see the glint that crossed Haechan’s eyes at your words, probably even to hear his heart skip a beat and his hands shake for a brief moment, but again, you are not there tonight

im crying he likes her so much i need them to get together asap or ill die

Not everyone can carry the baggage that we bring with us, and that’s fine.”

he feels like a warm hug ❤️‍🩹

“It’s fine, I’m used to an empty bed anyway, so it’s not much of a difference when I wake up and don’t find you there.” 

oh ☹️

“Also doing Channie a favour, you know,” he winks and then chuckles, but you don’t find the implications funny, and your stomach twitches in discomfort. 

GIRL i have something to tell you….

“Think they’ll end up doing it in the bathroom or the car?” 

mark just shut up 😭😭😭😭😭

“Yes,” he replies as if he’s shocked by your underestimation. “People know what goes on even if they can’t see, and then it moves and fogs and it’s… embarrassing. Haechan has never been that attracted to somebody to the point of fucking in a car, he’d rather go home with his balls blue.” 

WE’RE SO BACK (kinda)

“Hey, pretty,” a man’s voice speaks from the side; barely five minutes of peace and you are already crowded with unwanted attention

i HATE when im not in the mood and this happens

“Her boyfriend,” Haechan talks before you can even think of an answer, too dumb you were already thinking of a short way to explain what was going on between you. “Needed something, sir?” 

SHDHAKDBSKDNSK STOP YES YES YES I WAS PRAYING FOR THIS TO HAPPEN

Your head is not facing the ground anymore, with a snap so fast you know it’s a miracle you didn’t break your neck, your eyes lock with Haechan’s. And then you laugh, hysterically. It’s a fake laugh and he gets it, he can see you panic, he saw it in your eyes that brief moment they intertwined, and he knows. You are jealous.

im grinning so hard rn

“I didn’t drink,” you huff, throwing your head back against the seat and closing your eyes while you damn every decision that led you there. “Got two small glasses of something that wasn’t even worth it while I watched you grind on her all night.” 

she’s so funny cause she refuses to be vulnerable in front of him and let him know her more but then she gets jealous and end up behaving like this shdjsj but i get her if i see haechan flirting with someone else i would also make a scene just to not lose him

You have everything there anyway. His toothbrush that became yours. His white t-shirt that became yours. A new set of towels he had bought just for you. His favourite mug that became yours. A warm bed. A pillow with a beating heart. And probably something else you’re not ready to face yet. 

“Yeah, let’s go home.” 

STOP IM ABOUT TO CRY AND MY CHEEKS HURT FROM GRINNING SO MUCH I LOVE THEM 😭

“Oh, sure, of course, you weren’t just hugging me, fuck,” he curses when you tease his inner thighs, never touching his sensitive part. There is a hint of sadness in his words but you pretend you don’t get it. 

nooo stop im getting kinda mad cause she’s making him suffer just to “protect” herself when in reality she’s just hurting them both

This doesn’t feel like fun like your usual hard fucks, it’s like a sense of sadness and bitterness is running between you and it makes your heart sting. 

THIS IS HER FAULT

“What?” He growls in response, hips slamming harshly against your ass. “Is this still not enough? Am I still not enough? Will I ever be enough for you?” 

nooooo my baby she fucked up so bad and i feel really bad for him :(

CAUSE ALL I EVER WANTED WAS TO BE ENOUGH FOR YOU DONT YOU THINK I LOVED YOU TOO MUCH TO BE USED AND DISCARDED DONT YOU THINK I LOVED YOU TOO MUCH TO THINK I DESERVE NOTHING?? (everything goes back to the traitor series…)

He nods quickly and then starts thrusting into you, this time he won’t stop until you come, but he pushes your body up against his because he needs you. He needs your scent to be all over his skin, he needs to remind himself you’re not a dream even if you continuously slip from his fingers, he needs to remind  you  and  himself that he’s the only one that has you like this. He is the best you ever had and that’s a little consolation

this is so sad im so sad he truly is a cutie

You just proposed to fuck, it was normal in your relationship, so why was he mad and why were you sad? What happened in that fragment when your bodies were tangled in a mess bigger than what it looked like? 

girl be serious she’s making me mad now 😑 (me from the future: i was genuinely starting to get so mad here sidjsjdj)

And the best solution would be to talk about it, set some boundaries again, or put an end to things like adults, but, even if the years pass by, you feel like you only keep getting older but not wiser. 

I HAVE THIS THING WHERE I GET OLDER BUT JUST NEVER WISER (same)

You ghosted him. Left his place after breakfast with a promise to text him in the week just to never pick up the phone to go to his contact again. You even have to avoid Johnny and your friend’s nights out because you can’t face him. 

i want to slap her CAN I SLAP HER???

SPLENDIDLY SELFISH CHARMINGLY HELPLESS EXCELLENT FUN TIL YOU GET TO KNOW HER THEN SHE RUNS LIKE ITS A RACE BEHIND HER BACK HER BEST MATES LAUGHED AND THEY NICKNAMED HER THE BOLTER

You went back to your ex and met up with two people you met at a club, when, too heartbroken, you needed someone to fill the void inside of you, only for things to get worst and leave you heartbroken, full of guilt and unsatisfied. 

WTFF?????? im so mad right now like she’s seriously so dumb i understand (maybe)l, not really) trying to get away because she was scared and hooking up with other men but go back to fuck her ex??? that’s so low

But you still don’t pick up that damn phone, not even when a month passes by and Haechan reaches for you, apologizing. 

OH NO SHES FUCKING SICK.

i won’t bother you again i promise 

I GAVE YOU ALL MY BEST MES MY ENDLESS EMPATHY AND ALL I DID WAS BLEED AS I TRIED TO BE THE BRAVEST SOLDIER FIGHTING IN ONLY YOUR ARMY FRONTLINES DONT YOU IGNORE ME

DO SOMETHING BABE SAY SOMETHING!!!! LOSE SOMETHING BABE RISK SOMETHING!! CHOOSE SOMETHING BABE I GOT NOTHING TO BELIVE. UNLESS. YOURE CHOOSING ME.

You don’t reply even this time, but you cry and sob into your pillow, covered by your sheets as the phone glows in the dark. And you cry and cry until you feel like you can’t breathe and the weight on your chest gets heavier and pushes you down into your misery. 

oh SHUT UP im so mad at her right now that i cant even sympathize with her. haechan was nothing but understanding and caring and loving with her and she was just an asshole she even had the opportunity to change but she chose not to and hurt him so much

It takes you a while, but you get over him and get back to your daily life, the real one. No more depressing couch-sitting-eating sessions or extremely exhausting workouts to burn your brain down, no more avoiding social life and crying yourself to sleep. 

i hate her so much right now…

“You first say I need some fun and then the fun breaks my heart and now the fun at the bar is not okay because I’m not sober to you and him and why I can’t have nice things?” 

“the fun breaks my heart”

SHUT THE FUCK UPPPP THIS IS LITERALLY YOUR FAULT

“He seems rather heartbroken, and he asked a weird question about you.” 

and when i punch her then what

Your eyes lock with Johnny’s and your brain would like to lie and mumble some nonsense but your heart can’t keep bleeding without being taken care of anymore. So, hot salt starts streaming down your face silently and your head faces the ground while two strong arms wrap around you

i’m still too mad at her so i cant sympathize sorry (not really)

“But I’m scared. I hated seeing him with someone that wasn’t me. The mere idea of him being with somebody else now makes me sick. This is scary.” 

l PICTURED YOU WITH OTHER GIRLS IN LOOOOVEEE THEN THREW UP ON THE STREETS

You breathe in deeply and rub your temples. “But what if it’s wrong? What if… God, I’m doing all this and I’m not even sure he likes me back.” 

SHES SO DUMB ILL PUNCH HER

It will tear you into pieces if you keep putting rules to things that are destined to flow freely.”

EXACTLY like you can put rules to something you can’t control she’s not talking about school or a job she’s talking about feelings !!!!

No, you didn’t pick up the phone even after that conversation with Johnny. It felt humiliating to crawl back to him after so much time, so you decided that whatever was going on, was destined to die. 

my anger was starting to die down but now it is BACK AGAIN

You didn’t do anything but sit on a bench and hold back your tears while everybody else was having fun. You should’ve stayed at home, it would’ve been better than having to deal with Wonyoung — apparently, that was her name — laugh and giggle every time Haechan opened his mouth, or their intertwined hands while they both tried to learn how to use the ski. And now it’s not going better, she’s sitting on his lap while he caresses her hair with one hand and the other draws circles on her palm, and all your friends are sharing knowing glares as they point at them. 

IM ABOUT TO KILL MYSELF

I SAW YOU MET SOMEBODY AND IM JEALOUS AS HELL THAT I CANT EVEN STOMACH LOVING SOMEBODY ELSE

You never had that with him, and the jealousy mixes with bitterness, until you realize that the arrangement you had didn’t include any of that. So why did you want it so much? Why do you want to be her so badly right now? 

SHUT THE FUCK UPPPP

“It doesn’t matter, you had all the right to stop it,” he shrugs, looking down for a second, probably closing the app on his phone because you don’t hear the faint sound of the video playing anymore. “I don’t cry for sex.” 

ouch she totally deserves it but it hurt

“I…” you stop and look away. Your leg is bouncing nervously and you’re playing with your fingers, pressing your nails into your skin. “I have to tell you something.”  “Yeah?”  “I… I lo—” “Haechannie!” Wonyoung’s voice rings loudly in the room, stopping you from going on. “We are taking a look around, want to come with me and keep me warm? Also, we’ll have dinner together.” You shouldn’t find the way she bats her eyes so irritating, neither her voice, or the way she’s looking at him right now, but you feel like puking, and you hope Haechan will decline; out of all the things he said before, you heard he was tired and wanted to go to bed, so he will say no, right? “Yeah, I’d love to. Be there in a minute.” 

no but IM THE ONE ABOUT TO THROW UP STOP IM SUPER SAD

“No, definitely didn’t change,” he whispers when you run away from his fingers again. He wants to block you in, to stop you from slipping away, but if he couldn’t do it months ago, he doesn’t see how he can do it now. After all, you’ve never been his. This isn’t different from what you used to do in the morning, now he looks at you and can see that nothing changed. (…) You are long gone and he doesn’t even know how and why he lost you. Maybe it’s better like this, maybe all this silence coming from you can give him a reason to hate you and move on. 

im not joking when i say im about to cry this is so sad :((((

CAUSE YOU WERENT MINE TO LOOSEEE YOU WEREN MINE TO LOSE (happy august btw!!!!)

But moving on from you seems something impossible to do. 

moving on was always easy for me to do…. it hits different it hits different cause it's you

You hum and feel your heart break into million pieces again. It shouldn’t hit you so hard and leave you trembling, but it does. 

rebs why would you to this to me 😭😭😭😭😭

“It wasn’t even started.”

oh so you HATE ME not this phrase it literally haunts me it’s been YEARS

He snorts and you glare at him, but that doesn’t faze him. “You said you were doing fine; it doesn’t look like it.” 

i know its selfish but PLEASE HAECHAN DO SOMETHING I CANT TAKE IT ANYMORE

“No. And don’t call me babe. I’m not your problem and I’m not your babe.” 

IM NOT YOUR PROBLEM ANYMORE SO WHO AM I OFFENDING NOW

“She’s not my girlfriend,” he says resolutely

smiling fot the first time in ages

You glare at him, eyes dropping on your intertwined arms in disbelief when he links them and starts walking away from there. 

please dont get my hopes up if this wont take them anywhere or ill kill myself… (future me: should’ve killed myself back then….)

after all these months he knows you can pass as bossy sometimes, and like things in a certain way, so he lets you. 

sjdhs literally mee

“Thanks,” you utter, looking out of the window and grinning. This is wild, all over the place, and smells like the calm before the storm, but you like it because you’re back with him by your side. 

girl who’s going to be okay

“I missed this,” he whispers after a few minutes when you’re both halfway through your order (…) “I missed this, dumbass,” he says, and you feel your heart in your throat when your eyes meet, and he has that glint that you love so much. It’s like a light shining through, and some softness that only shows up in certain moments, you still don’t know what causes it, but you love it.

he’s so sweet and selfless she doesn’t deserve him but if they dont end up together ill kill myself

“I don’t have a toothbrush at your place,” he laughs, reminding you that in the heat of the rush, you never went back to pick up all your things at his place. 

AAAAAH WE’RE SO FUCKING BACK (future me: if only i knew…)

Things go back to normal after that. You’re not sure it’s healthy, considering you didn’t confess your feelings (…) The good sex is back. Haechan is back. You are back. The tension in the air is gone and you can enjoy the nights out without Mark worrying about you looking more dead than alive. And Johnny thinks you finally let loose. 

seriously??? 😑

“No,” you cry out. He couldn’t play with you like that, sending you a video of him fucking his fist while he moaned and whimpered. You had spent the past six days replaying it, waiting for this moment to come, and even if he was so hot even through the camera, you needed to feel him inside, outside everywhere.

i have so much to say about this im going insane.

You feel lost in a haze when you turn around and snuggle closer to him, breathing in his scent and running your fingers on his chest. You look up and see him smiling lazily at you, and you reciprocate (…) Once he has ordered food and you’re both sitting in the bathtub, you let the warmth of the water wrap around you. It feels nice after the exhausting sex, and you love the scent of Haechan’s body wash, you love feeling his arms around you and his hands on you. 

am i reading this right… is this aftercare??? we’ve come so far i’m so proud of her<3 (future me: ……….)

From anything else that ever happened before with anybody else, and even with him. And you think you might get used to this. To a home, not a house. To a place to come back to that’s full of life and love. To him, and his laugh, and his voice, and his clothes scattered around, and his screams when he loses against his friends. 

ILL KILL FOR THEM

NOW PRETTY BABY IM RUNNING TO THE HOUSE WHERE YOU STILL WAIT UP AND THAT PORCH LIGHT GLEAMS (…) AINT NO WAY IM GONNA SCREW UP NOW THAT I KNOW WHATS AT STAKE

But all the fears you have to face still appear like an insurmountable wall that menaces crashing on you. 

suppressing my anger rn…

Haechan has no intention of letting it slide this time. When he can’t reach you through call, when you still don’t answer his texts after five days, he knows he won’t write pathetic, heartbroken messages to you to let you go again. 

is she fucking kidding me right now ill fucking kill her cant stand her anymore (future me: i was TRULY mad here)

“I’m scared, okay? What’s between us is… is not going where I planned it to go and it’s becoming so much. I just don’t know what to do,” you try to explain, trying to keep your composure and don’t shake like a leaf. 

SHUT THE FUCK UPPPP YOURE A GROWN ASS ADULT GET OVER IT OR STOP HURTING HIM 😑😑😑😑😑

You break into a cry, but you immediately stop yourself, forcing the tears back in your eyes and the sobs down your throat. Once again you can’t give him an answer, just a useless apology. “I’m sorry,” you mutter, keeping eye contact no matter how much it hurts because you need him to know you’re being honest, you’re not lying or putting up walls. It’s just hard to tear down the ones you already have built around yourself.  

im so sick and tired of her.

PUSH AWAY ALL THE PEOPLE WHO KNOW ME THE BEST BUT ITS ME WHOS BEEN MAKING THE BED IM SO TIRED OF BEING THE GIRL THAT I AM EVERY GOOD THING HAD TURNED INTO SOMETHING I DREAD AND IM PLAYING THE VICTIM SO WELL IN MY HEAD BUT ITS ME WHOS BEEN MAKING THE BED

“Everything. All of this is new to me and I… I’m trying to be a better person. I’m trying not to hurt the ones that I love, and don’t fuck everything up, but I can’t. Everything I touch becomes sick and dies and… and I don’t know what to do.”

??????????????? girl be serious i need her to THINK before she speaks cause shes just saying bullshit at this point. “im trying not to hurt the ones that i love” my ass

EVERY SINGLE THING I TOUCH BECOMES SICK WITH SADNESS CAUSE ITS ALL OVER NOW ALL OUT TO SEA

“But why? I thought I was better than your ex, why are you pushing me away?” He knows he’s not perfect, but he’s never done anything to hurt you, moreover, he always tried everything to protect you and make you feel good, and that went beyond sex. He thought it was clear, but apparently, it was all to waste. 

she doesn’t deserve him.

“Oh, really?” It’s a scoff, full of sarcasm, mockery and resentment and it’s even followed by a click of the tongue. 

i’m 100% with him in this

AND DOWN THE ROAD YOU WILL LOVE ME UNTIL YOU RESENT ME

“I don’t know.” 

someone PLEASE slap her

“Because I love you?” He screams, jaw dropping as he realizes what he said. “Fuck, there, I said it, and I scared you away once and for all, but honestly, I can’t keep doing this any longer. I love you. I don’t know why but I guess I am dumb and always fall for the people I can’t have. But I do. And I would love to sit here and listen to you because, guess what, I want this to work out. Because that’s what normal people do. They talk and they listen. They don’t run away.” 

he deserves so much better….

“Grow up.” “Grow up because you need to learn how to deal with this shit, whatever it is, whatever is making you act like this. Excuses and apologies are not enough. You might not hurt people on purpose, but you still do and I…” 

THATS RIGHT TELL HER and while you’re at it please slap her too 😁

Your breath gets stuck in your throat and more tears flood your face, blurring your view. Those words feel like a gunshot straight to your heart and you can’t believe you’re hearing them from him. You know that wasn’t his initial thought, but he doesn’t backtrack. 

here she goes… playing the victim one again 😑😑😑😑😑😑😑😑😑😑😑😑😑😑

“No, please,” you scream when Haechan starts walking to the door swiftly, opening it before you can even make him out. “Don’t leave,” you cry, struggling to stand on your knees. “Don’t leave me, too.”

oh so she can leave and ghost people but they need to be patient and understanding with her? fuck off

“I need to be alone,” his voice is broken and he’s clearly holding back tears, and you’d like to run in his arms and hug him, but, once again, the rational part of you is holding you back, so you let him go, like you let go every other person of your life, with the difference you didn’t care about them as you care about him. 

😑😑😑😑😑😑😑😑 literally no words rn.

Johnny chuckles, “And what if he’s the love of your life?” 

more like the loss of her life at this point…

DANCING PHANTOMS ON THE TERRACE ARE THEY SECOND HAND EMBARRASSED THAT I CANT GET OUT OF BED CAUSE SOMETHING COUNTERFEITS DEAD

“You let Haechan in, maybe explain something to him so he puts his mind at ease because I think that both Adele and Taylor Swift’s discographies are about to end, he seemed rather depressed in his stories.” 

lmao he’s so me

Haechan chuckles, it’s a bitter laugh, trapped in the back of his throat while his eyes roll to the sky and his head shakes. “Us? Now you decided there’s an us?” 

the satisfaction i’m feeling right now

He hums, he’d love to add that he doesn’t want you to leave, but he keeps his mouth shut and waits for you to talk.

oh my sweetie selfless cutie pie☹️

“No, I do, because you let me… you let me in. You talked about your family, about your struggles, how you moved here on your own and I said a few things and I even lied.” 

here comes my anger again….

“Remember when I told you about Johnny and my brother?” Haechan nods, even if he doesn’t get its correlation with you two. “I lied. They never fought; my brother died,” your voice falters as it comes out to give him such a big piece of you. You take a deep breath and then exhale, “It was all my fault.” 

listen i know that must have been very traumatizing for her specially since she was only 15 when it happened but i still blame her and dont pity her cause she should’ve went to therapy a loooong time ago but she chose to be selfish and hurt everyone around her so i cant sympathize with her (future: i still can’t sympathize with her 😭)

“I love you,” you confess, looking into his eyes and he freezes, the hold on your palm loosening. “And that’s the shitties confession ever, and I’m so sorry I just finished trauma dumping you, but I… I can’t keep losing good things in life because I’m afraid of taking risks. I can’t erase you, I’ve tried, but I can’t.” 

i honestly dont know how to feel

ONE DAY ILL MAKE SURE YOU GET A REAL APOLOGYYYYY

I love you too much to care about what will happen, to worry about something that might not even happen. But even if it will, even if life will ever tear us away, I want to live in the present, I want to kiss you in front of our friends, I want to hold hands when you pick me up from work, I want to sing with you in the car as we drive to our favorite place, I want to wake up next to you and don’t have to sneak out like a thief. I want to leave my toothbrush at your place, next to yours, right where it belongs.”

 FINALLY she’s expressing her feelings and making him feel loved

“And I know I’m hard to be with but if you want me, if you feel like you can take me for who I am, I promise that I won’t disappear ever again and I will let you in.” 

crying she doesn’t deserve him but im happy for him<3

You smile, gulping before moving closer, leaving only a few millimetres between you. “To us.” When your lips meet it feels like a patch being put on your broken wings.

IF YOU KISS ME WILL IT BE JUST LIKE I DREAMED IT WILL IT PACH YOUR BROKEN WINGS??

It’s soft, and there’s still a lot of fear in your shaking hands and lips, but it feels like floating in the sky. You know it’s going to be hard for the both of you, he has his skeletons just like you have yours, but this feels right. This feels like the place where you have to be. In his arms, hanging from his lips. 

AWWW FINALLYYYYYYYY WE FUCKING CHEERED WOHOOO IM HAPPY FOR THEM AND I WISH NOTHING BUT HAPPINESS FOR THEIR FUTURE (not me talking as if they were an irl couple) AND IF SOMEONE TRIES TO SEPARATE THEM ILL KILL THEM AND THEN KILL MYSELF

well… so it is 3:23 am and i just finished. this was such a rollercoaster of emotions i went from haha this is so fun to aaw they are so sweet i love them to i FUCKING HATE HER SHUT UP!!!! to omg i want to fucking die i’m so miserable to we’re so fucking back!! to I HATE HER SO MUCH!!!! to i love them please get married ill kill for them

the amount of anger i felt is not a joke i wanted to punch her so bad at one (two) point(s) 😭 thank god johnny is such a good friend cause if they didn’t end up together i would have KILLED MYSELF and honestly you never fail to impress me they way you write is so good and every time you make me feel so many emotions like the amount of ANGER i felt was only because of your good writing so i applaud you rebs

also i hope you know i dont mean bad when i say i hate her and everything because in reality (i do hate her sjdj im jk) i love every character you wtite cause they are so different and complex every time, you truly feel you get to know them while reading the story. the way you describe them is so good i love it!

and i can’t wait to read the bonus asap (i was planning to read it immediately but i end up finishing hits different later than i planned and also i didn’t expect the bonus to be so long but i love you for that) (future me: im hoping i can read the “sequel” this weekend so well see)

also i’d like to add they way you write is so smart cause not also you describe the characters so well and add the perfect amount of angst jokes love etc but you also manage to put in little details of the song that inspired you to write this… for example i loved when she was saying his name in the car (i slur your name til someone puts me in a car i stopped receiving invitations) cause it made sense and didn’t feel forced? idk i love those little details<3

anyways read you soon rebs have an amazing weekend 🩷

p.s: i tried to edit this to correct some grammar mistakes but i also did it past midnight soooo… if you see some mistakes no you didn’t

- 💌

i’m so ready for this!!! let's go!

Yeah, that’s why. It’s got nothing to do with the fact you created a list of rules to follow when you two started this and you would’ve rather got hit by lighting than broken one of those. He doesn’t know it, though. So, your different personalities and lifestyles make up a good excuse.  well i cant blame her shes smart for putting rules even if they are only for herself

past you not knowing you would’ve hated her for this ajsoaisa

He sucks his teeth, rolling his eyes at your panicked eyes that are looking around the room, before he responds nonchalantly, “Couch, probably. You always throw it there.” You quirk a brow. Always? Are you picking up habits? i actually love when the characters unconsciously pick up habits and even more when the other person starts to realize about them something so sweet and domestic of knowing the little things about each other….

“something so sweet and domestic” before the storm and the total chaos lmao (no but it’s really cute)

But you didn’t want to start a new thing, your ex was traumatic, no matter how good the sex was (it wasn’t even that good, currently he’s the only one you can get sex from without having to hold boring conversations with a drink in hand and spend the ride back to their place hoping you didn’t end up in the arms of a killer) he was an asshole. SOOOOO REAL i totally get her

this is so funny after reading the whole ask you went through 100 different emotions

The fear that it was his way to confess to you and screw up twenty years of friendship got your skin crawling for a second, but when you were left alone with the black-haired man to your right, it all made sense.  omg that’s the worst fear of being a girl and having a male friend cause why would they always wannt to ruin EVERYTHING

no fr men always ruin everything thank god johnny is not like this

Haechan smiles, or smirks, it’s almost a chuckle, you can’t quite describe it. “At the gym.”  that smirk he always make is SO HOT im on my knees for him ù

if I don’t make him smirk in every single one of my fics i will DIE

You shake your head, sipping on the glass of alcohol and emptying it. “No, I’ve always been like this. I think nobody made a mess of me to leave me hooked on them.”  kinda wish i was her…

same

Back then you didn’t know where that night would’ve led you. You had no idea that the person that would’ve made a mess of you was right there by your side. But of one thing you can be sure, it was Johnny’s fault.  GRABBING MY HAIR RN IM SO EXCITED ALREADY (future me editing this: oh poor me… you didn’t know what was coming 😭)

THIS IS SO FUNNY AKSAOOSA

You’re sure that night nothing clicked between you and Haechan; whatever Johnny had in mind, didn’t happen. You two didn’t even exchange numbers, you can’t even remember if you said a proper goodbye to him when you stumbled out of that restaurant hanging from your best friend’s arm.  girl wdym u didn’t ask for his number and nothing happened if i was her they would’ve had to take me away from him with security

she was trying to be mysterious

But with him, that didn’t happen. When your eyes met again you felt something. He looked different, probably it was the black hair framing his face perfectly, some make-up on his face too, or the leather jacket he was wearing and the chains around his neck. You remembered him, clear as the sky. But he was even hotter, attracting you without saying a word, not that you would’ve heard. You were at a club, and he was leaning against the bar on the other side of you. But his eyes were speaking louder than words, and your feet followed an invisible path that got you right there, on the stool next to him.  GOD HES SO HOT I WANT HIM SO BAD STANDING AT THE BAR LIKE SOMETHING’S FUNNY BUBBLE ONCE YOU FIX YOUR FACE I’M GOING IN

pick your poison babe… i’m poison either way…

You’re stunned and a bit taken aback because you weren’t expecting that answer, and you don’t even expect your body to light on fire. It’s not really about the words, it’s the way he gets you, like nobody ever did before, like you want him to get you, to keep up with you. And it’s also in the way his body talks, it’s addictive, it is charming, the small fidgeting of the fingers, the bounce of his legs while his legs are a bit spread open and his thighs are perfectly wrapped by those jeans that make you want to do unholy things, and his eyes, that taunting, witty light and the grin on his face.  if i say what i’m thinking i’m going to jail……

TELL ME I WANT TO KNOW

He laughs and then shakes his head. “So shitty you can’t take some more for me?” He tilts his head, raising his brows while he briefly looks down where his hands are patiently waiting for your good to go and get out of his pants.  doggy, missionary, cowgirl, reverse cowgirl, upside down, inside out, one leg up, two legs up, in public, on a spaceship, in the garden, on the grass, in a car, in a box, on a table, against a wall

this is insane omg what happened to shame? (same)

but you want him too badly and you can’t wait any longer, so you propose a thing, “Sit here, I’ll ride.”  she’s so me

at least you get her when it’s time to be horny that’s good

It might seem strange that there’s no rule implying not falling in love, right? Well, it’s not in your brain because you never even thought that could happen. You’re not even sure you ever loved the people you dated, how could you fall for your friend with benefits?  well unfortunately i have some news for her…

she thought she did something (just like haechan did in wave)

you really couldn’t get those tricks, truly sure that if somebody is interested in you they won’t disappear or appear based on how fast or slow you reply not related to the story but this made me sad cause this reminded me of my “best friend” and i think the same

oh that’s so bad, i’m sorry, i hate when people fight over that, it’s so, so stupid

do you know whom you’re talking to? A loser. PLEASKEDJSKX 😭😭😭

called his ass OUT

“We do,” he replies but it’s like he’s not done, as if there’s something more he wants to tell or confess. He stops for a second, sipping on his bottle while staring at the sea at the horizon before resting his forearm on his knees and sighing, “but you never say anything about yourself.”  i want to be mysterious like her so bad but i don’t know how to shut up

same unfortunately

“I was thinking — oh, shit,” Haechan mumbles before you shut him up by jumping on him and crashing his lips on yours, your fingers locking immediately in his hair and pulling it back harshly. “Wow, fuck, needy tonight?”  this made me sad :( like i get her but i also get him so i feel this whole situation is kinda unfair for him but at the same time they both know this is clearly only sex

this part broke my heart so badly ngl. i always feel insane to say this because they only exist in my head but the way haechan wanted her to happy, to lift the weight off her shoulders even when he didn’t know what it was, even his love was so selfless, you know? (especially after when he tells her to let go of control) and the way he was already so happy he could at least somehow do it while they had sex makes me so sad. he’s the best

“and don’t mark me, you don’t want the others to find out, right?” No, you don’t. Or maybe you do, maybe it’s time for something to happen and break you and him apart. Cause you feel you’re going down a slippery slope and you don’t like this. Maybe you should fuck this whole thing up like you always do. But you can’t, deep down, you don’t want to.  god no please nooo she needs therapy SHES THE ALBATROSS SHE IS HERE TO DESTROY YOU

I SCREAMED LMAO (true)

SHE’S THE DEATH YOU CHOSE YOU’RE IN TERRIBLE DANGER

“Look at you,” he whispers, biting your earlobe, “is it so terrible to not have everything under control?” You feel a hint of bitterness in his voice, almost as if he’s mad at you for not letting go like this under other circumstances. “You don’t have to worry about anything.” (…) Yes, with me,” he says. “You don’t have to think about anything when you’re with me. I’ve got you.”  my cutie ☹️☹️ NO I KNOW IM A WALKING CONTRADICTION AND IT SHOWS GOT A HISTORY OF BEING IN CONTROL IM AWARE THAT I COULD END UP HERE ALONE

THIS OMG DELETE (but this part was what i was referring to before, that "i’ve got you" held so many unsaid words)

That made perfect sense, but it doesn’t make sense that you panicked at the idea of him with another girl, almost feeling sick to your stomach and about to throw up. I PICTURED YOU WITH OTHER GIRLS IN LOVEEEEE THEN THREW UP ON THE STREET

I love it when you get the lyrics references

That toothbrush eventually becomes yours. It sits there, right next to his, and every time you get up in the morning to escape from his bed, you’re reminded of all the lines you’ve crossed. You didn’t bring it from home, he fucking gave a toothbrush to you, and he doesn’t keep it scored somewhere in case you need it, no, it stays right there, always, next to his, as if it belongs there.   WAIT THIS IS SO SWEET SJDJSKDJSK ITS JUST A TOOTHBRUSH BUT IT HOLDS SO MUCH MEANING

ikr? such a small thing but so nice

If you were your usual you, you would’ve been able to see the glint that crossed Haechan’s eyes at your words, probably even to hear his heart skip a beat and his hands shake for a brief moment, but again, you are not there tonight im crying he likes her so much i need them to get together asap or ill die

spoiler: you died…

Not everyone can carry the baggage that we bring with us, and that’s fine.” he feels like a warm hug ❤️‍🩹

he does :(

“Think they’ll end up doing it in the bathroom or the car?”  mark just shut up 😭😭😭😭😭

mark was a menace lmao

“Yes,” he replies as if he’s shocked by your underestimation. “People know what goes on even if they can’t see, and then it moves and fogs and it’s… embarrassing. Haechan has never been that attracted to somebody to the point of fucking in a car, he’d rather go home with his balls blue.”  WE’RE SO BACK (kinda)

we weren’t back at all

“Hey, pretty,” a man’s voice speaks from the side; barely five minutes of peace and you are already crowded with unwanted attention i HATE when im not in the mood and this happens

worst thing ever, i was sick even while writing it

“Her boyfriend,” Haechan talks before you can even think of an answer, too dumb you were already thinking of a short way to explain what was going on between you. “Needed something, sir?”  SHDHAKDBSKDNSK STOP YES YES YES I WAS PRAYING FOR THIS TO HAPPEN

it’s cliché i know but i HAD TO WRITE IT

“I didn’t drink,” you huff, throwing your head back against the seat and closing your eyes while you damn every decision that led you there. “Got two small glasses of something that wasn’t even worth it while I watched you grind on her all night.”  she’s so funny cause she refuses to be vulnerable in front of him and let him know her more but then she gets jealous and end up behaving like this shdjsj but i get her if i see haechan flirting with someone else i would also make a scene just to not lose him

she truly thought she was slick and smart and was failing terribly

You have everything there anyway. His toothbrush that became yours. His white t-shirt that became yours. A new set of towels he had bought just for you. His favourite mug that became yours. A warm bed. A pillow with a beating heart. And probably something else you’re not ready to face yet.  “Yeah, let’s go home.”  STOP IM ABOUT TO CRY AND MY CHEEKS HURT FROM GRINNING SO MUCH I LOVE THEM 😭

they were at their best here (it lasted one week)

“Oh, sure, of course, you weren’t just hugging me, fuck,” he curses when you tease his inner thighs, never touching his sensitive part. There is a hint of sadness in his words but you pretend you don’t get it.  nooo stop im getting kinda mad cause she’s making him suffer just to “protect” herself when in reality she’s just hurting them both

this was so sad to write cause i could perfectly see haechan sulking because he was expecting something sweet and she just wanted to fuck

This doesn’t feel like fun like your usual hard fucks, it’s like a sense of sadness and bitterness is running between you and it makes your heart sting.  THIS IS HER FAULT

IT’S COMPLICATED THO i know it's not the same haechan cause this is a different universe but… the winestainedress!haechan got his payback for the way he acted in sour. you have to be honest we forgave him FAR WORSE THAN THIS!!!!

“What?” He growls in response, hips slamming harshly against your ass. “Is this still not enough? Am I still not enough? Will I ever be enough for you?”  nooooo my baby she fucked up so bad and i feel really bad for him :( CAUSE ALL I EVER WANTED WAS TO BE ENOUGH FOR YOU DONT YOU THINK I LOVED YOU TOO MUCH TO BE USED AND DISCARDED DONT YOU THINK I LOVED YOU TOO MUCH TO THINK I DESERVE NOTHING?? (everything goes back to the traitor series…)

once again... hits different!haechan is paying the price of what sour!haechan did

You just proposed to fuck, it was normal in your relationship, so why was he mad and why were you sad? What happened in that fragment when your bodies were tangled in a mess bigger than what it looked like?  girl be serious she’s making me mad now 😑 (me from the future: i was genuinely starting to get so mad here sidjsjdj)

i can only imagine how mad you were i’m sorry aodosids

And the best solution would be to talk about it, set some boundaries again, or put an end to things like adults, but, even if the years pass by, you feel like you only keep getting older but not wiser.  I HAVE THIS THING WHERE I GET OLDER BUT JUST NEVER WISER (same)

must be exhausting always rooting for the anti-hero (it is, it’s me, rooting for the mc)

You ghosted him. Left his place after breakfast with a promise to text him in the week just to never pick up the phone to go to his contact again. You even have to avoid Johnny and your friend’s nights out because you can’t face him.  i want to slap her CAN I SLAP HER??? SPLENDIDLY SELFISH CHARMINGLY HELPLESS EXCELLENT FUN TIL YOU GET TO KNOW HER THEN SHE RUNS LIKE ITS A RACE BEHIND HER BACK HER BEST MATES LAUGHED AND THEY NICKNAMED HER THE BOLTER

SHUT UP WHY IS THE BOLTER HER SONG OMG AOSKOASJO

splendidly selfish, charmingly helpless, excellent fun 'til you get to know her, then she runs like it's a race. behind her back, her best mates laughed and they nicknamed her "The Bolter"

You went back to your ex and met up with two people you met at a club, when, too heartbroken, you needed someone to fill the void inside of you, only for things to get worst and leave you heartbroken, full of guilt and unsatisfied.  WTFF?????? im so mad right now like she’s seriously so dumb i understand (maybe)l, not really) trying to get away because she was scared and hooking up with other men but go back to fuck her ex??? that’s so low

that’s the sign that she was desperate…

i won’t bother you again i promise  I GAVE YOU ALL MY BEST MES MY ENDLESS EMPATHY AND ALL I DID WAS BLEED AS I TRIED TO BE THE BRAVEST SOLDIER FIGHTING IN ONLY YOUR ARMY FRONTLINES DONT YOU IGNORE ME DO SOMETHING BABE SAY SOMETHING!!!! LOSE SOMETHING BABE RISK SOMETHING!! CHOOSE SOMETHING BABE I GOT NOTHING TO BELIVE. UNLESS. YOURE CHOOSING ME.

NOOOOOOOOOOOOO STOP NOT THIS SONG

do i throw out everything we built or keep it? i'm getting tired even for a phoenix always risin' from the ashes, mendin' all her gashes. you might just have dealt the final blow. my poor haechannie :(

You don’t reply even this time, but you cry and sob into your pillow, covered by your sheets as the phone glows in the dark. And you cry and cry until you feel like you can’t breathe and the weight on your chest gets heavier and pushes you down into your misery.  oh SHUT UP im so mad at her right now that i cant even sympathize with her. haechan was nothing but understanding and caring and loving with her and she was just an asshole she even had the opportunity to change but she chose not to and hurt him so much

looking back at this i’m surprised people made it to the end of the story cause with no explanation she was a bit insufferable

“You first say I need some fun and then the fun breaks my heart and now the fun at the bar is not okay because I’m not sober to you and him and why I can’t have nice things?”  “the fun breaks my heart” SHUT THE FUCK UPPPP THIS IS LITERALLY YOUR FAULT

…true

“He seems rather heartbroken, and he asked a weird question about you.”  and when i punch her then what You breathe in deeply and rub your temples. “But what if it’s wrong? What if… God, I’m doing all this and I’m not even sure he likes me back.”  SHES SO DUMB ILL PUNCH HER

THIS IS KILLING ME AJDSOSAKSJ

It will tear you into pieces if you keep putting rules to things that are destined to flow freely.” EXACTLY like you can put rules to something you can’t control she’s not talking about school or a job she’s talking about feelings !!!!

SHE’S TRAUMATIZED LEAVE HER ALONE (no but you and johnny are right it’s just hard for her...)

No, you didn’t pick up the phone even after that conversation with Johnny. It felt humiliating to crawl back to him after so much time, so you decided that whatever was going on, was destined to die.  my anger was starting to die down but now it is BACK AGAIN

i’m not supposed to laugh but i can’t help it

You didn’t do anything but sit on a bench and hold back your tears while everybody else was having fun. You should’ve stayed at home, it would’ve been better than having to deal with Wonyoung — apparently, that was her name — laugh and giggle every time Haechan opened his mouth, or their intertwined hands while they both tried to learn how to use the ski. And now it’s not going better, she’s sitting on his lap while he caresses her hair with one hand and the other draws circles on her palm, and all your friends are sharing knowing glares as they point at them.  IM ABOUT TO KILL MYSELF I SAW YOU MET SOMEBODY AND IM JEALOUS AS HELL THAT I CANT EVEN STOMACH LOVING SOMEBODY ELSE

STOP I’LL CRY NOOOO

“It doesn’t matter, you had all the right to stop it,” he shrugs, looking down for a second, probably closing the app on his phone because you don’t hear the faint sound of the video playing anymore. “I don’t cry for sex.”  ouch she totally deserves it but it hurt

real (if someone said that to me i would kill myself right in front of them)

“I…” you stop and look away. Your leg is bouncing nervously and you’re playing with your fingers, pressing your nails into your skin. “I have to tell you something.”  “Yeah?”  “I… I lo—” “Haechannie!” Wonyoung’s voice rings loudly in the room, stopping you from going on. “We are taking a look around, want to come with me and keep me warm? Also, we’ll have dinner together.” You shouldn’t find the way she bats her eyes so irritating, neither her voice, or the way she’s looking at him right now, but you feel like puking, and you hope Haechan will decline; out of all the things he said before, you heard he was tired and wanted to go to bed, so he will say no, right? “Yeah, I’d love to. Be there in a minute.” 

no but IM THE ONE ABOUT TO THROW UP STOP IM SUPER SAD

we could’ve avoided some pain if wongyoung minded her business

“No, definitely didn’t change,” he whispers when you run away from his fingers again. He wants to block you in, to stop you from slipping away, but if he couldn’t do it months ago, he doesn’t see how he can do it now. After all, you’ve never been his. This isn’t different from what you used to do in the morning, now he looks at you and can see that nothing changed. (…) You are long gone and he doesn’t even know how and why he lost you. Maybe it’s better like this, maybe all this silence coming from you can give him a reason to hate you and move on.  im not joking when i say im about to cry this is so sad :(((( CAUSE YOU WERENT MINE TO LOOSEEE YOU WEREN MINE TO LOSE (happy august btw!!!!)

BACK WHEN WE WERE STILL CHANGING FOR THE BETTER WANTING WAS ENOUGH FOR ME IT WAS ENOUGH TO LIVE FOR THE HOPE OF IT ALL CANCEL PLANS JUST IN CASE YOU CALL AND SAY MEET ME BEHIND THE MALL SO MUCH FOR SUMMER LOVE AND SAYING US (happy august!!!)

You hum and feel your heart break into million pieces again. It shouldn’t hit you so hard and leave you trembling, but it does.  rebs why would you to this to me 😭😭😭😭😭

i’m so sorry (i will do it again)

“It wasn’t even started.” oh so you HATE ME not this phrase it literally haunts me it’s been YEARS

please don’t tell me someone said it to you😭😭

He snorts and you glare at him, but that doesn’t faze him. “You said you were doing fine; it doesn’t look like it.”  i know its selfish but PLEASE HAECHAN DO SOMETHING I CANT TAKE IT ANYMORE

do something = pay for her therapy lmao

“No. And don’t call me babe. I’m not your problem and I’m not your babe.”  IM NOT YOUR PROBLEM ANYMORE SO WHO AM I OFFENDING NOW

noooooooooooooooooo but also i offer you “don’t call me kid, don’t call me baby, look at this godforsaken mess that you made me”

“She’s not my girlfriend,” he says resolutely smiling fot the first time in ages

did not last long i fear :(

You glare at him, eyes dropping on your intertwined arms in disbelief when he links them and starts walking away from there.  please dont get my hopes up if this wont take them anywhere or ill kill myself… (future me: should’ve killed myself back then….)

yes… it would’ve hurt less

“Thanks,” you utter, looking out of the window and grinning. This is wild, all over the place, and smells like the calm before the storm, but you like it because you’re back with him by your side.  girl who’s going to be okay

(is not going to be okay)

“I missed this,” he whispers after a few minutes when you’re both halfway through your order (…) “I missed this, dumbass,” he says, and you feel your heart in your throat when your eyes meet, and he has that glint that you love so much. It’s like a light shining through, and some softness that only shows up in certain moments, you still don’t know what causes it, but you love it. he’s so sweet and selfless she doesn’t deserve him but if they dont end up together ill kill myself

he really is the perfect man

“I don’t have a toothbrush at your place,” he laughs, reminding you that in the heat of the rush, you never went back to pick up all your things at his place.  AAAAAH WE’RE SO FUCKING BACK (future me: if only i knew…)

IT’S JOEVER

Things go back to normal after that. You’re not sure it’s healthy, considering you didn’t confess your feelings (…) The good sex is back. Haechan is back. You are back. The tension in the air is gone and you can enjoy the nights out without Mark worrying about you looking more dead than alive. And Johnny thinks you finally let loose.  seriously??? 😑

disjodisorf

“No,” you cry out. He couldn’t play with you like that, sending you a video of him fucking his fist while he moaned and whimpered. You had spent the past six days replaying it, waiting for this moment to come, and even if he was so hot even through the camera, you needed to feel him inside, outside everywhere. i have so much to say about this im going insane.

share it with the class…

You feel lost in a haze when you turn around and snuggle closer to him, breathing in his scent and running your fingers on his chest. You look up and see him smiling lazily at you, and you reciprocate (…) Once he has ordered food and you’re both sitting in the bathtub, you let the warmth of the water wrap around you. It feels nice after the exhausting sex, and you love the scent of Haechan’s body wash, you love feeling his arms around you and his hands on you.  am i reading this right… is this aftercare??? we’ve come so far i’m so proud of her<3 (future me: ……….)

ajdkjsdfs at least you were proud of her for like… two seconds…

From anything else that ever happened before with anybody else, and even with him. And you think you might get used to this. To a home, not a house. To a place to come back to that’s full of life and love. To him, and his laugh, and his voice, and his clothes scattered around, and his screams when he loses against his friends.  ILL KILL FOR THEM NOW PRETTY BABY IM RUNNING TO THE HOUSE WHERE YOU STILL WAIT UP AND THAT PORCH LIGHT GLEAMS (…) AINT NO WAY IM GONNA SCREW UP NOW THAT I KNOW WHATS AT STAKE

BUT IT’S GONNA BE ALRIGHT I DID MY TIME (it’s truly gonna be alright)

Haechan has no intention of letting it slide this time. When he can’t reach you through call, when you still don’t answer his texts after five days, he knows he won’t write pathetic, heartbroken messages to you to let you go again.  is she fucking kidding me right now ill fucking kill her cant stand her anymore (future me: i was TRULY mad here)

ahsdskfkfkdl i’m so sorry

You break into a cry, but you immediately stop yourself, forcing the tears back in your eyes and the sobs down your throat. Once again you can’t give him an answer, just a useless apology. “I’m sorry,” you mutter, keeping eye contact no matter how much it hurts because you need him to know you’re being honest, you’re not lying or putting up walls. It’s just hard to tear down the ones you already have built around yourself.   im so sick and tired of her. PUSH AWAY ALL THE PEOPLE WHO KNOW ME THE BEST BUT ITS ME WHOS BEEN MAKING THE BED IM SO TIRED OF BEING THE GIRL THAT I AM EVERY GOOD THING HAD TURNED INTO SOMETHING I DREAD AND IM PLAYING THE VICTIM SO WELL IN MY HEAD BUT ITS ME WHOS BEEN MAKING THE BED

THIS IS SO HER NOOOOOOOO

“Everything. All of this is new to me and I… I’m trying to be a better person. I’m trying not to hurt the ones that I love, and don’t fuck everything up, but I can’t. Everything I touch becomes sick and dies and… and I don’t know what to do.” ??????????????? girl be serious i need her to THINK before she speaks cause shes just saying bullshit at this point. “im trying not to hurt the ones that i love” my ass EVERY SINGLE THING I TOUCH BECOMES SICK WITH SADNESS CAUSE ITS ALL OVER NOW ALL OUT TO SEA

the way this applies to her brother too… i’m gonna be sick

“Oh, really?” It’s a scoff, full of sarcasm, mockery and resentment and it’s even followed by a click of the tongue.  i’m 100% with him in this AND DOWN THE ROAD YOU WILL LOVE ME UNTIL YOU RESENT ME

he’s god strongest soldier tbh

“I don’t know.”  someone PLEASE slap her

johnny was really close to doing it

“Because I love you?” He screams, jaw dropping as he realizes what he said. “Fuck, there, I said it, and I scared you away once and for all, but honestly, I can’t keep doing this any longer. I love you. I don’t know why but I guess I am dumb and always fall for the people I can’t have. But I do. And I would love to sit here and listen to you because, guess what, I want this to work out. Because that’s what normal people do. They talk and they listen. They don’t run away.”  he deserves so much better….

she will become the better he deserves i promise

Your breath gets stuck in your throat and more tears flood your face, blurring your view. Those words feel like a gunshot straight to your heart and you can’t believe you’re hearing them from him. You know that wasn’t his initial thought, but he doesn’t backtrack.  here she goes… playing the victim one again 😑😑😑😑😑😑😑😑😑😑😑😑😑😑

i would like to be excluded from the narrative

“I need to be alone,” his voice is broken and he’s clearly holding back tears, and you’d like to run in his arms and hug him, but, once again, the rational part of you is holding you back, so you let him go, like you let go every other person of your life, with the difference you didn’t care about them as you care about him.  😑😑😑😑😑😑😑😑 literally no words rn.

the emojis are killing me ajsoaios

Johnny chuckles, “And what if he’s the love of your life?”  more like the loss of her life at this point… DANCING PHANTOMS ON THE TERRACE ARE THEY SECOND HAND EMBARRASSED THAT I CANT GET OUT OF BED CAUSE SOMETHING COUNTERFEITS DEAD

oh, what a valiant roar, what a bland goodbye. the coward claimed (s)he was a lion. i’m combing through the braids of lies. “i’ll never leave” ...“never mind”. our field of dreams, engulfed in fire. your arson’s match your somber eye..................................... (killing myself right now)

“Remember when I told you about Johnny and my brother?” Haechan nods, even if he doesn’t get its correlation with you two. “I lied. They never fought; my brother died,” your voice falters as it comes out to give him such a big piece of you. You take a deep breath and then exhale, “It was all my fault.”  listen i know that must have been very traumatizing for her specially since she was only 15 when it happened but i still blame her and dont pity her cause she should’ve went to therapy a loooong time ago but she chose to be selfish and hurt everyone around her so i cant sympathize with her (future: i still can’t sympathize with her 😭)

the worst thing about this is... that she only really hurt donghyuck cause before him she never had something serious with anyone else 😭 but yeah therapy was necessary can't say otherwise

“I love you,” you confess, looking into his eyes and he freezes, the hold on your palm loosening. “And that’s the shitties confession ever, and I’m so sorry I just finished trauma dumping you, but I… I can’t keep losing good things in life because I’m afraid of taking risks. I can’t erase you, I’ve tried, but I can’t.”  i honestly dont know how to feel ONE DAY ILL MAKE SURE YOU GET A REAL APOLOGYYYYY

she will get better i promise

I love you too much to care about what will happen, to worry about something that might not even happen. But even if it will, even if life will ever tear us away, I want to live in the present, I want to kiss you in front of our friends, I want to hold hands when you pick me up from work, I want to sing with you in the car as we drive to our favorite place, I want to wake up next to you and don’t have to sneak out like a thief. I want to leave my toothbrush at your place, next to yours, right where it belongs.”  FINALLY she’s expressing her feelings and making him feel loved

she needed time (84 years...)

You smile, gulping before moving closer, leaving only a few millimetres between you. “To us.” When your lips meet it feels like a patch being put on your broken wings. IF YOU KISS ME WILL IT BE JUST LIKE I DREAMED IT WILL IT PACH YOUR BROKEN WINGS??

it DID patch their broken wings

It’s soft, and there’s still a lot of fear in your shaking hands and lips, but it feels like floating in the sky. You know it’s going to be hard for the both of you, he has his skeletons just like you have yours, but this feels right. This feels like the place where you have to be. In his arms, hanging from his lips.  AWWW FINALLYYYYYYYY WE FUCKING CHEERED WOHOOO IM HAPPY FOR THEM AND I WISH NOTHING BUT HAPPINESS FOR THEIR FUTURE (not me talking as if they were an irl couple) AND IF SOMEONE TRIES TO SEPARATE THEM ILL KILL THEM AND THEN KILL MYSELF well… so it is 3:23 am and i just finished. this was such a rollercoaster of emotions i went from haha this is so fun to aaw they are so sweet i love them to i FUCKING HATE HER SHUT UP!!!! to omg i want to fucking die i’m so miserable to we’re so fucking back!! to I HATE HER SO MUCH!!!! to i love them please get married ill kill for them the amount of anger i felt is not a joke i wanted to punch her so bad at one (two) point(s) 😭 thank god johnny is such a good friend cause if they didn’t end up together i would have KILLED MYSELF and honestly you never fail to impress me they way you write is so good and every time you make me feel so many emotions like the amount of ANGER i felt was only because of your good writing so i applaud you rebs also i hope you know i dont mean bad when i say i hate her and everything because in reality (i do hate her sjdj im jk) i love every character you wtite cause they are so different and complex every time, you truly feel you get to know them while reading the story. the way you describe them is so good i love it!

i didn’t reply to some things before because i wanted to give a broader explanation without repeating myself 10 times. i get why you feel this way toward her, she’s not an easy character at all. and i know this time i dragged the pain for long but as someone with some not-so-healthy coping mechanisms i know it’s not easy to snap out of them no matter how much you want to. it doesn’t justify anything because she DID hurt him but, at the end, they talked about it and that’s what matters. if both are willing to grow i believe you can put the pain of the past in the past and move on. also (probably it’s not clear cause it’s not from his pov) but haechan knew there was something deeper and that’s why he decided to not let go and talk to her and listen, if he didn’t care for her he would’ve dipped long before they reached that point. same thing goes for her, it was a lot, and if she let him in it’s only because she deeply cared for him.

i always see the same dynamics in fwb to lovers when the man pushes her away but with no reason to do so other than being an asshole. i wanted to give it a twist and don’t write the same old “she falls in love first and he doesn’t like her like that, and she’s miserable”. i wanted to put something more and give more depth to everything, like the lack of communication and where it leads you and how hard it is to heal and that love doesn’t solve everything but sometimes makes it harder cause it feels like something more to carry and not ✨a light happy feeling ✨. i’m aware this way it hurts much more also because the reader knows both have feelings but well, traumas suck so it is what it is.

and let’s be honest, the one who did the most was johnny and I’m really happy about that because friends are so important in these situations and he opened up her eyes, supporting her but also being honest and pushing her to get out of her comfort zone.

i’m happy you liked it either way. actually, it makes me happier that you liked it even if you didn’t vibe with her cause damn, that means i am good at something hahaha

and i can’t wait to read the bonus asap (i was planning to read it immediately but i end up finishing hits different later than i planned and also i didn’t expect the bonus to be so long but i love you for that) (future me: im hoping i can read the “sequel” this weekend so well see)

i hope you will like her more in the sequel cause even if i would’ve strangled her now and then i love her a lot, she was such a complex character to write and i had so much fun. (yeah it is long, i had a lot to say lmao but i really love them and i missed writing about them)

also i’d like to add they way you write is so smart cause not also you describe the characters so well and add the perfect amount of angst jokes love etc but you also manage to put in little details of the song that inspired you to write this… for example i loved when she was saying his name in the car (i slur your name til someone puts me in a car i stopped receiving invitations) cause it made sense and didn’t feel forced? idk i love those little details<3

i always panic about everything being balanced and in the right amount so this makes me take a breath of relief. YOU NOCITED THAT YAS! i love that line in the song, i had to also put it in the story somehow. i put a lot of efforts in details so when someone picks them up it makes me incredibly happy

anyways read you soon rebs have an amazing weekend 🩷 p.s: i tried to edit this to correct some grammar mistakes but i also did it past midnight soooo… if you see some mistakes no you didn’t

see you at the next aks! don’t worry about the mistakes i understand anyway and i’m sure i make them too

have a great week! 💖💖💖

[uroboros-if]

i just wanted to say i adored the demo so much! not only was the game so aesthetically pleasing and nice to look at, the writing is *chef’s kiss*! i just love your writing! it’s amazing and i was completely immersed within the first few seconds. your IF is very professional and put together and i feel like it should be put in a museum! that aspect is just amazing and should earn its own showcase. but now onto your writing and characterization. i. am. in. love. i absolutely ADORE the ROs so much! i just love how different they are from each other. each of them have their own charm that’s unique to them. i am definitely going to play multiple times for each RO so i can experience each of their routes.

like Salvatore, to me, feels like when you see a cat all curled up, sleeping under a spot of sunlight shining through the window. just warmth and happiness, but also maybe don’t mess with them either, lol. like i cant wait to learn more about them and get to really know them past what they present to others. it’s very exciting!

and Luciel! oh, sweet Luciel. i adore them and all their calmness. definitely feel like a foggy, somber pond with a weeping willow where the air is crisp and clean. having a picnic there would be very lovely and i would love to take them on a picnic to a isolated place with a nice view. i also want to understand them more and why they seems so separated from everyone. and why they’re always so nice!

Ciocana! they were so fun during the dance scene. i think that was one of my favorite parts, lol. to me, they feel like you and your friends on a late summer night after sneaking out of the house, going to an abandoned building with a chain-link fence with a ‘no-trespassing’ sign attached. and you just HAVE to climb that fence and explore that building. i cant wait to learn more about them! they seem like a very complex character and those rumors, however true, are just the surface. so i’m excited to explore that dynamic.

and Alessi! ALESSI! i’m in love with them. i loved their introduction so much! the fire, the passion, the defiance. the way they refused to bow down was very iconic. definitely a rebellious, passionate activist vibe. like standing on a flipped over car, a microphone in hand, speaking passionately about what they believe in. you get goosebumps on your skin at seeing them speak and you feel invigorated after their speech. i’m so very interested to see how MC interacts with them and how the whole investigation goes.

all in all, i’m so excited for your story! everything about it is amazing and i can tell you’ve worked hard on this. so congratulations on publishing your IF!

i hope you eat lots of food, drink lots of water, get lots of sleep, and take many breaks. you deserve it! <3

also, sorry not sorry for the long non-ask lol

🥹🥹 Anon, I want to give you a hug 🫂🫂 I'm a little obsessed with your ask

I am so so happy 😭😭 I wish I had words for this, but I am speechless. I cannot match your amount of enthusiasm and appreciation; my gratitude is inexplicable within the constraints of the language--flawed and so limited.

Again, it is super surprising to me that people can see that Salvatore is putting on a front, so to speak! Not that they're disingenuous or faking it, but they present themselves a certain way because they have to. I'm not sure how people are picking up on it, but that is exciting news!! You perfectly capture the happiness and tranquility of bathing underneath the sunlight through the window though 🫶!!

I also absolutely adore the imagery you have for Luciel!! Do you mind if I take inspiration from you? 😭🥹💕 I struggle to describe the exact image they bring to mind, but what you said is absolutely perfect!! Just the right amount of peaceful and yet mysterious and transporting.

I'm glad Ciocana invokes that vibe as well!! They are definitely the definition of teenage defiance, of being told that you can't do something and just wanting to do it even more (which... is probably how their romance is going to be!). I'm super excited to explore them further!

Alessi definitely brings that to mind with their fiery passion! With such strongly-held beliefs, though, they'd likely be hostile to MC at first... but MC is a little different from the gods. So we'll have to see how they feel about that!

Again, thank you SO much for all your lovely words, and your very long ask. Don't be apologetic! You yourself must have spent quite the time writing this ask, which is profound. I sometimes think about how I've taken just a few minutes of someone's life, just so they can say such kind words. When time and energy is so finite, I just... it's the most precious thing to be given of all things. Thank you for your ask 💕🫂

[fire-but-ashes-too]

Your objective: To plot a murder to subtle that not even the victim (one of your characters) knows what's happening until it's too late.

Rules: You cannot use poison, but are free to use whatever else you feel like. You cannot carry out said murder in real life (for legal and moral reasons). Simply describe how you would go about it with any specific character of yours.

Have fun!

no poisons and do irl murdering? bummer :(

BUT YES FINALLY PLEASE TAKE A SIT AND GRAB POPCORN OR LEAVE THIS POST IF URE NOT SO EXCITED ABOUT MURDERS!

this is a very cool scheme tm i thought about a few days ago (cause yes its what i do in my free time)

did u know that air, the one we breathe every day is VERY dangerous if it gets in ur lil blood system? well, now u do.

our dear victim, lets say.. giada, shes been around the dead too long theyve now infected her >:D

i was saying, Giada, as the very health attentive citizen that she is, is going to get a vaccine cause, ya know, ✨covid✨ and who she finds there to give ehr the vaccine? me ofc! (lets all take a moment to appreciate my dedition to this since i am terribly agophobic)

so, Giada sits down and i give her a nice air shot. BAM. heart attack!

its a little one tho, as a cover so i make her lay down and raise her legs to make the blood circulate better *wink wink*

the air gets around and she eventually faints. i quickly throw the empty siringe in the bin and call someone (idk like emergency button? something like that) and start "panicking".

as soon as they arrive (so very soon) what they see is a woman who didnt handle a strong vaccine well (and who already spent hours in a not so healthy environment) and an absolutely panicking nurse.

BUT, its not finished yet! the best part has yet to come!

ill let a month or so pass, the news was on the papers and shit, our next target is giada's old enemy (never even mentioned in the story but ofc she has one).

we are going to make a very touchy and badly executed murder, and what i mean by that is that well leave fingerprints, strands of hair and so on EVERYWHERE, but, but, but it wont be OUR dna! no no no! it will be giada's!

this murder (im considering an external part from the rules since the ha-bet-u-didnt-see-this-coming murder was giada's) will be a very nrmal one, like stabbing or sometihng like that.

the knife will be there etc.

then, thank u holly jackson and all the creepy and very detailed books ive read, were gonna make it seem as if the murder has happened wayyyy earlier by leaving it in a VERy hot room and absolutel NEVER moving the body.

were gonna get ourselves an alibi and take out a couple relics from a month ago: a silicone replica of giada's hands, with fingerprints and all, some of giada's saliva and a couple of strands from giada's hair.

were gonna go back to the crime scene (which is now cadaver-less) and leave proof around, possibly not seen but if we must, undercover looking like giada and leavung evidence very quiclky.

were now gonna come back with some more of giada's dna to leave on the body and put it again in the crime scene (which should be a place without security cameras) plus a sprinkle of giada's dna.

we leave the crime scene (still masked as giada) and leave the body there, brutally murdered and in plain view.

the police find it and everything leads to a dead person.

the body cant be more than a couple days old and all proof leads to their longly deceased old nemesis.

BAM.

(notes: it is very important to wear a mask, gloves, goggles and a bald cap or a silicone swimming cap while performing the second murder, preferrably all black and to be shaved as in to leave no dna behind)

the perfect and way too creepy murder!

[talkingandwatching]

What makes us human: Someone who will love you in all your damaged glory

Do you ever wonder what makes you the way you are? What makes you you? Why are you different from other people? Are you different from other people? Dont we all live the same life deepdown? The same, miserable pattern that makes us not wanting to live it at all sometimes, isnt it the same for you as it is for me? How can we stop it?

The thing is, we cant. We cant stop it, you cant and I cant either. You’ll be sitting on a train. You’ll be lying awake in bed. You’ll be watching a movie; You’ll be laughing. And then, all of a sudden, you’ll be struck by the paralyzig truth: Its not what we do that makes us who we are. Its what we dont do that defines us.

This, ladies and gentlemen, is Someone who will love you in all your damaged glory by Raphael Bob-Waksberg.

Raphael Bob-Waksberg’s name might be similar for a handful of people, because he is the creator and executive producer of the Netflix hit show, Bojack Horseman and he also wrote this book I would like to talk about today. I’m a HUGE fan of Bojack Horseman, there wasnt a single day when I didnt think of this show and I finished it about a year ago, its probably the greatest thing that happened to me, so I was pretty excited when I heard that the creator of it wrote a book and I bought it online as soon as I got my grabby sticky hands on the money. I can tell you, Someone who will love you in all your damaged glory is probably one of the best books I have ever read and it gave me reassuring that yes, Raphael is amazing at writing stories about humans and how they work, how they feel, which isnt suprising how he managed to make a series about human problems and life with an alcoholic horse as a main character.

The book itself is a collection of short stories about love and relationships. There are shorter ones that are about a page or two pages long, but there are chapters that are longer and more elaborated. For example, there was the chapter A Most Blessed And Auspicious Occasion (which I believe our first longer one) about a couple who are about to get married and theyre preparing for their wedding. However, the girlfriend’s family is stressing them out because they dont know how many goats they need to sacrifice for their wedding, and the boyfriend suggests to not sacrifice goats at all and its just super chaotic and super stressful to them and of course, the wedding eds up being super chaotic as well, but it doesnt matter because the couple is happy together.

Another one of these longer ones is We men of science, which is about a scientist Yoni, who discovers an alternative universe at the other side of a door in his office, where he himself exists and his wife herself exists, but theyre his literal opposite. The anti-Yoni is more confident, more positive and his anti-wife isnt pregnant and her personality i also different. Eventually, Yoni befriends the two. He regularly meets them and spends time with them, and eventually the Carl, one of Yoni’s coworker dies and right after that, him and his anti-wife starts having sex and it completely messes everything up, obviously.

This book is filled with many many stories like this, stories that are riddiculous and at the same time thought provoking and I loved it. SO MUCH.

If I could describe this book with one word, I’d say “intimacy”. These stories are very intimate and sometimes hard to read, because some of the quotes perfectly describes what one or another might feel. I personally felt connected to multiple quotes of the book, and it perfectly shows the characters as weak, and vulnerable. Because we are. We are weak and vulnerable, and that makes us human. And Raphael knows and shows that perfectly. Let me show some of my favorite ones:

" “I dont think you really love me; I think you’re just terrified or being alone” and you, gesticulating wildly with the spatula, spat back without thinking, “I am alone; you have no idea how alone I am” as if that were some kind of comeback” – The serial monogamist’s guide to important New York City landmarks

“You had every intention of being depressed forever, but as it turns out, there’s work to be done, meals to eat, movies to see, errands to run. You meant to be in ruins permanently, your misery a monument, a gash across the cold hard earth, but honestly, who has the time for that? Instead, you survived-apparently, you both did- and things are shockingly okay.” -Lunch with the person who dumped you

“-I love you. -I love you too.” -Lies we told each other

“I think you’re afraid of putting yourself out there because you’re afraid of getting hurt, because you are -and I believe this is the clinical term- a fucking coward.” – Up-and-comers

Please read this book, its literally so good

Thats it, see ya.

[hunniedmilk]

Thank you so much for your tags ;; it's been fucking forever a minute since I posted anything. so if you wish, this is absolutely a request for some word vomit. and if you don't want to get into it, it's a heartfelt 'ehehe the tags are very nice, thank you' to keep your ask box warm

walks in with a book with like fifteen different annotation stickies I’m so ready pls bear with me if I sound incoherent .. have no clue if this'll be a lot but i'm going 2 put read more just in case ╰(*´︶`*)╯♡

i could probably comment on literally every sentence like no exaggeration but i'm like containing the silliness as much as i can as to sound coherent so i just wanna point out small parts i really really like ^^

“Yet there’s a smile that glitters in the corner of his eyes, and as he steps down onto the pebbles he offers you a gloved hand.”

GHJHKL It just makes me explode ,,, I enjoy descriptions of understanding without a character having to verbally express it . It kills me every time regardless because it feels like you can understand the amount of trust between the two characters in the scene . Like in general , it could be an action that can appear like such a small , insignificant detail but you can tell that it means so much more than that and I just adore it so so much ???

“The butler simply… couldn’t let you go just yet. There’s a shimmer of gold in his eyes, a little greed shining through when he thinks of parting from your company.”

Bangs my head against the wall I ALWAYYYS REALLY LOVE IT WHEN PPL MAKE A SLIGHT REMARK ABOUT BARBATOS AND GREED IT’S JUST SOOOOO<333333 IT GETS ME SO EXCITED BECAUSE I START REMEMBERING LIKE THE SMALL REMARKS IN GAME ABOUT HIM RESTRAINING HIS GREED ETC AND HIS CHARACTER SONG . It’s just like so fun seeing different sides of characters expressed it’s just like AHHHH but I digress

The entire scene feels like it’s a moment that’s quiet and reserved away from other people but between the two characters it’s such a loud expression of emotions ,, especially because of Barbatos and how he is as a character too ?? ☆ｏ(＞＜；)○ 

I’m a bit new to the fandom so please bear with me a bit with explanations but I’ve read him as like a character that’s detached from personhood as a result of his profession and when there are moments when he clearly wants to pursue something he holds himself back from indulging into his greed but when it comes to MC he allows himself to finally take . To allow himself to enjoy their presence when they’re finally alone and able to …

SIDENOTE BUT ESPECIALLY SO BC OF HOOOW HARD THE OTHER CAST OF CHARACTERS GET SIDELINED HARD IN GENERAL SOMETIMES ,,, LIKE IN BARBS LATEST BIRTHDAY UR HOW DO U LITERALLY GET DOOMED BY THE NARRATIVE IN UR OWN DREAM.. BUT THAAAT’S LIKE AN ENTIRE RAMBLE I’VE HAD FOR A MINUTE AND THAT’S BESIDES THE POINT )))

“Of everyone, he knows keenly how precious your time is.”

Im literally vibrating off the walls rn I cant describe it any better than that and especially the next sentences that follow it ohhhg idk if it literally wasn’t late as hell rn I’d def just print this out n’ scribble a bunch of hearts on this like omg 

____

THE ENDING … I am literally pacing I don’t usually enjoy angst all that much and try to avoid it altogether but the way you wrote it I’m like a little crazy actually. like a little bit insane. A humans existence is such a fleeting moment to a demon and it’s like AAAA YOU JUST LIKE FEEL THE TENSION FROM THE PREVIOUS SCENES THEN THE WARMTH FROM THE ENDING IT’S JUST LIKE A BITTERSWEET ?? FEELING THAT MAKES IT SO ENJOYABLE AND IT’S SUCH AN INSTILLING FEELING THAT’S LIKE SOOOO BEAUTIFUL ?? HIM HOLDING THE AIR ??? I sound so insane I just really really get excited when I read that it’s such an infectious feeling but that’s what your writing feels like. I’m not the best at English so I’m hoping this comes off well enough but I feel like the idea of living on in another persons memory despite all the years to come, especially with a demons lifespan IT JUST FEELS SOOO /pos

This is going to sound absolutely cornball cheesy but ur writing style , and I haven’t checked out ur other works yet but , from this alone it reminds me of a nice sweet . Personally I’m thinking of a Mexican dessert as I’m Mexican myself and I enjoy food analogies as compliments but the way you describe your scenes feels like taking a bite out of a concha (insane person rambling but please stick with me) . it’s such a sweet feeling that like , you don’t really forget the first time you experience it ?? I know I’m def going to be giggling abt ur writing for like a fat week honestly . i could probably reread it more than I already have while typing this and still find things to comment on even if it's just a keysmash

idk idk just the way you present scenarios stick so nicely ? It’s just something so handcrafted with love that I can tell that you enjoy what u write ?? I don’t know :,)

IF LIKE ANY OF THIS DOESN’T RLLY SOUND RIGHT LIKE , CHARACTER DESCS ESP OF BARB ive been in this fandom for like not super long so im still info-diving rlly slowly and its so difficult </3 I get so nervous posting stuff but like I wanna get this out of my system SOO bad

Plus I don’t think I could type out any of the info I do know about him in an orderly way lol I’ve tried for months but it ends in so many side tangents in rambles bc I just like his character so much 

I just think he’s such an interesting character y’know ??? There’s so many ways people can interpret a character and when you see other peoples ideas and some of them just HIT like getting all giddy thinking wow this is so cool ,,, I have to eat what I’m reading because there are no words in my lexicon to verbally express how much I love this 

[snipertf2]

giant love letter under the cut dedicated to my wife because i love him so muchies and i just gotta rant about how much i love and care for him....im yapping out of pure love..

oohhhh i love my husband so much hes my everything..,..its almost 3 am and all i can think about is him. him, him, him. hes like a brainworm...i adore him more than i can describe and everything i feel for him feels so unreal but also makes so much sense. i just think hes lovely, hes so talented and he has so much potential and skill. everything he does and creates never ceases to amaze me. hes fantastic. so funny and kind and oh...so caring...so sweet...he always makes sure im okay and makes sure i feel loved and oh man do i feel loved...im so excited to get to see him soon and to be able to see his beautiful smile and his cute face and hug him and smell him (not in any weird way i just heard he smells nice) and kiss him OHHH i get to KISS HIM!!!!!! ive never kissed anyone before, im so excited??? id love to kiss a handsome, gorgeous man like that OHHH man. oh my god. i am the luckiest person alive Like Actually. ii get to feel his facial hair against my face and i get to..,.hold his hand and hug him and kiss his cheek and his face and Oh my God i feel lightheaded. im gonna pass out and throw up Hes so fucking beautiful and i cant WAIT 50+ to see him i want him NEEOOWW!!! RIGHT NEEOOWWWW!!!! 😾😾😾 ohhh but the wait will be worth it...and even better i get to see him again after the day i see him. AGAIN!!! TWO WHOLE DAYS OF MY WIFE!!!! i want nothing more than to make him happy and cuddle him and kiss him and do everything with him...i wanna love him forever...hes so perfect to me...i want him to know ill always adore him and love him unconditionally, i hope he knows that. i always remind him. hes so lovely, i never want him getting hurt or to be upset, i always wanna help and make him feel better...the last year or so has been the best of my life, ive never felt as happy as i do with him. he just means everything to me. i hope and pray that i can love him every day. truly i do. thats all i want in the world, to be with him and to constantly love and support him forever. hes all i want. hes perfect to me. and i love him. god do i love him. hes the best boyfriend i could have ever asked for. hes my best friend and my husband and the love of my life and my favorite person in the whole wide world!!!!!!!!!!!!! i always have a blast when im with him, i truly hope i can feel this way forever, i know i will...

i dream of him often and all of my dreams consist of him being supportive of me and being so kind to me, i always smile when i wake up from these dreams because i know im living it. hes so precious...hehe i got a plushie from build a bear when we first started dating and i named him mini-michael and for the last year or so, ive been cuddling it every night while i sleep. now i cant sleep without him. god. i can only imagine how sleeping next to my wife would feel...so warm and comfortable...i want him so bad You have no idea. hes my everything. i wish he lived closer. at least hes in the same state...but alas...6 hours apart...really breaks my heart. i hope that someday i can drive out there on some weeks and spend the days with him, id love to be with him always. oh how i love him. id do anything for him and i know hed do anything for me too. i love my best friend, im so lucky to be able to love such an amazing guy...

[fantasmafanta]

chipspeech rambles so i dont explode

hi this is prolly gonna be a long post that makes no sense srry i just need to brainrot dump. but most important thing if ur not weird and you like chipspeech PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE dm me here so i can give you my discord or instagram where i am actually active more ahhhhhh.

ok anyway blue robots woohoo. these little bastards have been stuck in my brain for like a month now and its just gotten worse. the cool thing about chipspeech is it like doesnt entirely go with the rest of the vocal synth/vocaloid fanbase but rather than being its own seperate things its like this neat little extension of it in like multiple ways. it not only is just a really cool software that tried a lot of new cool things that we dont really see with like vocaloid and synthv and stuff but it also kinda shows the history of how we got to the point of modern vocal synth software in a cool way! even if you dont dive into it like i have you still get the basic “oh well voder was made in like 1939 and it had to be operated by hand how cool” and like through chipspeech you kinda get to see the evolution of how we got to where we are now and i think that thats really neat. 

but then if youre a nerd like me you get to have a ton of fun diving into all of the history and cool old tech stuff. liking chipspeech has made me find a new interest in old computers/tech/software/videogames do i fully understand how they work? hell no! do i love looking at them and having them explained to me by some dude on youtube? hell yeah!! and like its just so cool to go in and research the machines/softwares that inspired the chipspeech bots because even though its difficult sometimes you get to see these advances made and how each one differs from each other in how it was made, how it was operated, its function, etc. and thats SO. FREAKING. AWESOME. like dude have you seen the video of one of the tests for the votrax?? (the one that bert gotrax is based on) if you havent basically it was made so that people with disabilities so they couldnt talk could have conversations over the phone. they tested it by trying to order a pizza using only the software. it took like 3 tries before someone took them seriously and they got the pizza. and the moment they were like “yeah deliver that to the msu computer center” i got so excited cuz that just felt so badass!! like put yourself in their shoes, its 1974, you’re testing your new speech program, and it finally worked. a room full of people, a camera, a news broadcast (iirc), theyre all watching you struggle to order this pizza and then you finally do it and get to tell them to deliver it at the lab you just proved your intelligence to and fehjvddsujfs i cant explain my thinking but DUDE its just so cooooooolllllll!!!!!!! 

but like yeah i need to rant cuz in one of my lovely friend’s words i need to “GET THESE QUEERS OUT OF MY BRAIN!!” (a silly thing my irl said) also like i love the way the voices sound. like yeah sometimes i have no clue what theyre saying but thats not the point of chipspeech!! like vosim has such a nice buzzy voice and like dee no matter their range just sounds so.... great. i dont even know how to describe it it just makes my brain sooooo happy. like sam to most people would be like static weird... idk man but i loooove the staticky sounds theyre just so neat. but its so hard to find nice chipspeech covers/songs. luckily im starting to find how to discover chipspeech stuff but its still so difficult :(

and like fanart and general fan content toooooo how do i find it?? i think the answer is i dont but that makes me sad. cuz the twitters are no longer active and its never been very popular so it doesnt seem like we get much. and literally the only discord server for chipspeech is run by... not-so-great (from what ive seen/heard) people in the fanbase. even if the main accusations arent true it still seems to be a safe space for proshippers which makes me feel icky sooo. help. 

anyway im not re-reading through this so like sorry its so long and makes no sense i just need to get chipspeech thoughts out. if you like it PLEASE TALK TO ME!!!! im losing my mind ahhh