#I CAN'T BELIEVE THEY SHAMED ME FOR THIS LIKE THAT

[starberry-cupcake]

I can't believe some people came at me for this post, telling me stuff about Data (who is entirely different from this???) and shaming me for not having watched tng and saying how "outdated" TOS is and when I do get to tng THEY MAKE THE SAME EXACT POINT ABOUT AI REPLACING THE CAPTAIN OF THE SHIP BEING A BAD IDEA????? THE SAME EXACT POINT????? JUST IN CASE IT WASN'T CLEAR THE FIRST TIME?????

Picard has to get them out of there with like a thruster and a dream and Data is impressed by the ingenuity of using the orbit of the asteroid to compensate momentum

Because, as established in my conversation with @kabretoss , Data is different from the freakin' M5 Computer in a million ways and, in this capitalist society we live in right now, we're closer to the M5 than we are to Data and criticizing the use of AI as it is now doesn't mean I'm hating on everyone's favorite android blorbo.

'the ultimate computer' aka uncannily precise vision of the future in which starfleet wants to replace jim with ai but spock and bones are not having it

I am going feral at all the times ai is being a menace in this show and how accurate it is to the bs present we're living in

[cantgetworsethanthistbh]

Ford is Not used to being dependant on someone as an adult - especially since Stan isn't dependant on him At All in return. It's gotta be doing weird things to his neurons, he would probably sit like a dog if Stan told him to, he is pathetic amounts of in love with him this is past partner in crime he's his hero, his guide, his Muse, his god, Ford is in a really weird headspace

OOOH i love this version of stancest sm. i know this is likely about the little ford au but i also just love this kind of stancest in regular sea grunkles and kills me. so much of stancest (and tbh just in their canon dynamic) is stan nipping at ford's feet and following ford's lead even their sea grunkles era. a lot of darker stancest always infers with ford being obssesive and controlling too and usually stan lets it, because hey thats their dynamic and its better than nothing.

but the opposite has SO much potentil. ford following stans lead. to think of ford realizing that he's way WAY out of his depth and that he needs stan way more than stan needs him now?? maybe he ALWAYS needed stan more than stan needs him?? after all, what did ford say about how stan wouldve been able to see through bill's tricks?? if they were together, the apocalypse wouldve never happened...

ford would think he's so lost now, lost without any purpose now that bill is defeated and he doesnt want the fame anymore either now that he knows his chase for it is what made him lose his brother, so he feels SO empty. except hes not. theres stan. stan whos strong, brilliant, charming and the most selfless hero ford would ever know.

ford wants to protect him so much but another day of stan saving his ass from a monster they were investigating (because he got too curious again) and ford thinks he could never EVER measure up to the way stan protects him, loves him, cherishes him and takes care of him. it makes ford feel awful, unworthy of this love after he promised he'd do anything to earn back that second chance stan too gracefully gave him. he can't fathom the idea of stan finally wisening up and leaving him even if its no less than he really deserves, because what else will he have anymore if he doesnt have his best friend, his hero, his true muse? it'll fester in his mind, growing and growing and growing, and he shoves it down deeper and deeper as much as he can.

but one night, one bottle and a million inhibitions thrown over the railing of the stan o war, he'll finally break when stan smiles at him while they sit on the deck, looking so happy when that makes no sense.

stan deserves the world, the entire galaxies, and ford can't give them to him at that very moment. he'll start crying, overwhelmed with how much he loves stan and how stan deserves the best— one ford has to grudgingly admit isnt him.

"woah, woah, sixer," stan interrupts worriedly, face falling. "what's wrong? come on, we arent even that drunk yet."

the joking tone makes ford feel worse, because how could stan stop smiling because of him and still try to make ford feel better? "i'm sorry," ford chokes. "stan, god, i'm so sorry."

"stanford," stan says placatingly. ford understands that stan understands too, that this isn't about the alcohol, or about crying out of nowhere. his hands cup ford's face, so large and warm, like a place where ford could hide his face forever with the depths os his shame and stan might even let him. that breaks ford even more. "hey come on, bro, s'okay..."

"don't leave me."

"i'm not leaving you, your big brain knows that."

you should, ford thinks but will never say, because he can't. "i can't lose you again," ford whispers with shaky breath. "i w-wouldn't know what to do with myself—"

"ford—"

"— because you're so brilliant, and brave, and good—"

"— i guess but—"

"—you're so good stan," ford interrupts whatever faux preening stan was going to do. his brother doesnt believe him, and ford practically crawls into his space.

"you are so, so good. you are so good and you don't even realize, i—" ford's breath hitches. "i don't even know how i could ever repay you..."

"pff, alright," stan scoffs, looking away, cheeks bright red and smile unconvincing. "jeez ford, you really are drunk." he laughs, his shoulders stiff and unmoving. "like what, are you trying to suck my dick?"

"is that what you want?"

stans eyes snap back to him, wide and full of shock.

"what?"

"is that what you want me to do?"

"no, ford– i'm not–"

"stan," ford says, reaching his hand now to cup stan's face, and god he's just as much of a perfect fit in ford's as he was in stan's. stan is so much bigger and better than anyone else, but with his own extra finger he just might be fit for ford. "stan, it's okay. whatever you want, whatever you need, i'll do it. for you."

sort of something like that. i really really like to think of a slightly toxic, but like in the "its toxic and also the healthiest way this dynamic can really go about" ending where ford tries to overcompensate to stan with sex and romance and stan is relunctant at first but seeing just how willing ford actually is really starts getting into the whole dom/sub— which fulfills some purpose for ford AND he gets to have stan come all over him so its kind of a huge win on all fronts

[trulyradicalactivist]

There is a certain beauty in identity.

A very long speech. Some may not have the patience to read all of this, though I ask you try, but if you can't. All I ask is for you to find the very last paragraph and just read that. Just that, if you can't read everything else. If you can read it all, I thank you, this took me a while. All of you have a wonderful day.

It’s in the way we carry ourselves, in the way we fight, in the way we love, woven together like threads in an endless tapestry. Each thread, vibrant and unique, tells a tale of courage, self-discovery, and resilience. From your name, to your age, to your gender, to your race. Given to you from your birth, given to you by accident, given to you by choice, given by god, maybe given by the earth. However you obtained your identity, it is crafted to fit you. Every inch of you.

To every person who wakes up each day determined to live authentically: You are a masterpiece in motion. Your identity, no matter how it unfolds, is a beacon of light in a world that finds itself judging too quickly without much understanding of who you are and why you do. To every person who wakes up and tells themselves that they will not be silenced, that they will love and be loved, that will be kind and be given kindness tenfold: You prove yourself to have a heart of gold, one unmeltable by the society that we live in and the people who are cruel inside of it. To every person who wakes up and is ready to fight, bite and scratch with every bone in their body, prepared to use their tongue like a sword and their body like a shield: You are a warrior, powerful and strong, a wall that no one can climb over or knock down, one that will hold steady to protect those you love. To the people who cannot do a thing but try anyways, whether it be through social media or through simply knowing who you are: I love you, I promise we all do, and you have done your best, take a break, and breathe knowing we are there fighting for you.

There is beauty in knowing, in speaking, in making your own life. There is beauty in a denial slowly absolved, finding peace, finding love, finding community. There is a beauty in discovery, learning, asking, questioning. Whether you know who you are, whether you're not quite sure, or whether you've just begun to think, you are beautiful. Your mind is a machine, every decision a calculation, and every discovery a new lesson to be learned. Your heart is a music box, every emotion a song and every break a new melody. Let them work together to craft what you will be.

To those who cannot see a brighter future, to those who find themselves in holes where they can't climb out, to those who think that the rest of their lives will be in hiding, listen to me. You will not hide. There is a world where you do not have to be afraid. Where it isn't shameful to exist as you are. Where you are loved. Where those who hurt you will back down, knowing their own bigotry. Fight. Fight for them, fight for me, fight for you. Do not let yourself give into what they want you to. Do not let yourself see nothing but pain, the light at the end of the tunnel is not the light of a train, headed towards you at a speed you cannot understand, it is not the light of death, it is not the red and blue lights leading you to a cell for the crime of being alive. Believe me when I say it is the light of the sun as we enter the world and demand we be heard. You will be heard. There is no darkness where we go.

May we all strive to create a world where every identity is celebrated, a world where labels are tools of empowerment, not chains of limitation. May we embrace one another with open hearts and minds, recognizing that every person’s truth enriches the collective human experience. How many people in the past have not had the words to explain their experience? How many have had to live with a dysphoria they could not explain? How many hearts break every time someone calls them something they are not? Could we allow it to continue, when we could take their pain and let them speak through our voices?

Look at all we've done and where we've come. Look at who we've lost and who we've gained. Look at everyone who knows you are not a danger, you are not horrible, you are not foul, you are not deserving of pain, you are not meant to be hidden away. Look at what we could become. Look at what you have found.

You have found beauty. There is so much of it. Spilling out of every corner. Look at every flag we wave, every identity we share, every discussion we have, every place we've made. Do you not see the sparkle, like a diamond, in everything you've learned about? Do you not know how much light is brought by what we cherish most?

You bring so much beauty to this world too, you know? You. You, who's reading this now. I'm talking to you. You bring so much to this community. You bring so much to society. Please survive for me. If you do nothing else, if you don't fight, if you don't educate, if you can't do a thing, if there's too much. I only ask you to survive. That would be enough.

Everything we have right now, is so beautiful.

[womenclature]

I can’t exactly assume that OP intended to shame people who "say they can't watch/play/read anything slightly upsetting or scary or challenging because it's... upsetting or scary or challenging,” but to me it does sound like shame (and it sounds condescending to boot). I think it sounds shameful because OP said “challenging,” seemingly implying that a person’s entertainment content ought to be “challenging” for them, at least sometimes (frequency not specified). Whether or not someone’s entertainment should challenge them is probably a longtime argument in the art community. I believe that part of our role in life as humans is to try to be the best version of ourselves that we can be (Nietzsche’s “will to power”), and I agree that personal growth rarely, if ever, comes without some challenges. Notice I am not saying “No art form is allowed to contain challenging content.” Not only do I disagree with such censorship, I think it would be detrimental to exercising our capacities for coping with hardship. I am asking, “Does each and every individual's unique diet of entertainment have to contain some minimum amount of challenging content?” Requiring some minimum amount of challenging content – this feels a little like putting brussel sprouts in chocolate cake. That’s not really what chocolate cake is for, is it? Life is challenging. Everyone experiences challenges from life to varying degrees. Some people perceive that they experience more challenges than others. For example, my entire childhood lacked role models, guidance, emotional support, stability, safety, peace, and even privacy at times. As a result, I have a higher baseline of tension in my body at all times. So when I approach entertainment, I feel less safe consuming upsetting content than would the viewer with a healthier, more supportive background. Thus my tolerance for upsetting material has different limits. (Do I adhere to those limits? No, not always, because I am also good at ignoring my body’s stress signals, to my own detriment, of course.) Therefore, I would say to the person who is going through a difficult time, who feels exhausted, who can’t think any more thoughts at the moment – I don’t think you should let a stranger on the internet make you feel ashamed for re-reading "Pride and Prejudice” for the third time, or rewatching “Gossip Girl,” or doing whatever it is you do that makes you feel good inside. In fact, I think some degree of escapism can actually be healthy. Humans are unique in how “online” their brains are at all times, and I don’t think evolution completely equipped us with any innate mechanisms to compensate for that (often very stressful) fact. So, we manufactured them. And that’s ok so long as we aren’t hurting ourselves or repeatedly missing out on important opportunities “irl.” Let’s encourage each other to grow and challenge ourselves. But let’s not shame each other for having creature comforts. Everyone has his or her own path. We can choose to be respectful of that path.

whenever people say they can't watch/play/read anything slightly upsetting or scary or challenging because it's... upsetting or scary or challenging all i can think of is this lol

[emylilas]

Ladies of WOT - a potential community ?

Hello fellow WOT show enjoyers!

I am deliberately not tagging the show because I am aiming for a very specific demographic. Among those who watch WOT and are talking about it in different spaces (discord, twitter, here), I've noticed that people are having very different experiences watching the show, depending on what they want the focus to be on; to the point it might sometimes feel like we're in very different fandoms.

I realise the show is a book adaptation and I understand why people would expect more attention to be given to Rand, or Perin, or Mat, because those are the names who often come back, rather than some of the Aes Sedai who aren't as fleshed out in the book (I'm looking at you, my beloved Liandrin), but I have no interest in developing a sense of community with people who are watching the show for very different reasons than I.

I am absolutely not here for the men of the show, it's fine if you are, good for you but don't come at me. There are some men whose stories I enjoy following, but I'm here for the aes sedai, the forsakens (I can't wait to really meet Moghedien next season), the younger girls, the seanchans... and I would very much love to be able to share my love for the show and those characters, and to enjoy the show with people who share a similar enthusiasm.

Here's my issue, though, I find it hard to build a sense of community on Tumblr, interactions are limited by a very poor comment section, which is a shame.

I don't believe Twitter should be the main place for fandoms, because there's no room for in-depth conversations and everything has to be done quickly, It's more about posting and liking than engaging together.

I enjoy Dreamwidth and it would be, I think, a lovely place to build a community (besides, there is some WOT content over there) but I know it's not the most popular place, and it works more as a forum, which might lack the spontaneity of conversations.

Then there's Discord, and I am conflicted about Discord, on the one hand, it's convenient to chat and it can be well organised, on the other hand... I have wandered on quite a few fandom servers and they weren't for me, except for one. They're usually too crowded and I found that, in some places, the conversations are overwhelming in quantity but there aren't any real discussions.

As for that ONE server that worked for me, that one is quite special. You see, it's a small fandom of a show with a lot of wasted potential, but it's also the best fandom I've had the pleasure to join. People really interact, most of us know each other at least vaguely, we have a general idea of what are people's likes and dislikes, even when they aren't people we've chatted a lot with, and the mods always come up with fabulous events to keep the community living and it does keep on living, even after the show got cancelled in 2022. This discord doesn't have that many people in it, we talk a lot about the show, we also talk about specific characters, talk about ships in their dedicated channels, chat about our progress in our fic/gif/edits and support each other... people are interacting and we're all loving it. And those same people participate in fandom events because what unites us, even if we don't love the same characters or ships, is our love for that same show.

This is this sense of community built on the common love for a show and its potential that I would like to find for WOT, and more specifically in this case, about the women of WOT (but of course, talks about the show as a whole are always welcome and encouraged, it's just that watching with a preference for the female characters really change the conversations ones might have...) Especially with the new season coming in March, with all those new intriguing women that joined the cast, it would be lovely to have our little corner somewhere to chat together, as a small part of a bigger fandom, rather than individuals floating in the big WOT show tag and struggling to connect.

(And maybe those places already exist and I just haven't found them yet and I'm the only one struggling to connect. In this case, if you know places, please fill me in, I am dying to connect with fellow ladies of WOT lovers.)

So I guess that's it. I would love for us to get a chance to better connect, as show lovers (book readers are welcome, but please, be really mindful of spoilers, I am sick of being spoiled things even though I muted tags because people believe using emojis to talk is good enough to prevent spoilers, like we don't have functioning brains enough to put 2 and 2 together...).

To sum up my wish list: I wish we, those of us with similar interests (I don't care which women you enjoy in WOT, I love them all and they're all interesting, even if I have my own preferences I will gladly chat about any of them with you), could create a little corner in this big fandom so we can start acting as a community rather than separated individuals scrolling through tags. But a community who takes its time, to have nice little chats about the show and its women, to discuss our ideas and hypothesis, to share our thoughts and headcanons about our favourite ships (and yes, please, let it be plural and not just one ship) and characters, to support each other's in our writing, drawing, giffing, editing... all that, free of the drama that too often seem to happen in fandoms. A little place where we could always find someone who's up to chat a little about the show, and its women.

(Little place, because I really think once you're over 100 persons in a discord server (and probably less) it becomes nearly impossible to really get this feeling of a community).

So I'd love to know your interest in building such a place, and where you think it would be the most convenient for you!

[yanderes-galore]

Oooh how about Yandere Macaque who grows attached to his new student ;)

Sure! Made the pairing vague as it can go either way.

Yandere! Macaque with Apprentice! Darling

Pairing: Romantic/Platonic

Possible Trigger Warnings: Gender-Neutral Darling, Obsession, Manipulation, Controlling behavior, Gaslighting, Possessive behavior, Fear of abandonment, Isolation, Forced companionship/relationship.

Macaque struggles when it comes to forming personal connections.

Ever since Wukong's betrayal, he hasn't let anyone get close to him.

That's been the reason Macaque acts the way he does, after all.

Macaque didn't expect to get attached to you.

In fact, he was hoping he wouldn't in fear of getting hurt again.

Macaque is manipulative and cunning....

Originally he took you in because he felt he could use you.

Similar to MK, Macaque felt you had potential.

He originally intended to make you a rival to MK, a way to continue sticking it to Wukong.

Not only that, but Macaque knows of the dangers the future holds...

He wants you prepared.

Macaque is a manipulative teacher.

He probably picked you as you were going through some negative things in your life.

As a being forced to be in the shadows, he understands your feelings all too well.

Isn't he benevolent when he takes you in?

He has you stay at a dojo with him, promising power and lessons.

Macaque preys on the vulnerable, which would make him be able to get in your head.

Macaque normally starts off as isolating.

He wants you to rely on him so he can influence your development.

He dismisses the idea of you having friends or family to go to.

You have duties to attend to.

He can't have his student falling behind if they wish to get stronger, right?

Macaque may actually be... anxious when his obsession starts.

Why does he feel excited when you pay attention to him?

Why does he enjoy your smile and presence?

He... He doesn't need companionship.

Yet it gets harder and harder to believe his own words when he looks at you.

He hates the idea of him being attached.

He doesn't need anyone, no recognition or anything.

But... Why must you be so adorable to him?

Why must he like it when you try your best?

You're trying to impress him... You look up to him...

... and he loves it.

Macaque craves that feeling of validation.

To see you look at him so eagerly, to want his praise?

It's more addicting than anything.

This results in Macaque using his earlier tactics... but for a different motive.

He still wants to isolate you, to make you focus on just him....

Yet it's not for lessons or to get back at Wukong.

Now it's because he craves your gaze on him.

Macaque needs you to look at him, to trip over yourself trying to impress him.

He's your teacher, your master, and now he's enjoying every second of it.

Sure, he's possessive, but he's always been selfish.

Macaque only cares for himself.

You make him want to give in to your comfort... to make you all his.

He feels no shame in keeping you with him at the dojo.

When you ask to leave, to speak with friends or family, he vetoes it....

"Friends? Family? Did you forget what I taught you? You can't trust anyone out there... No one but me, your teacher. Understand?"

Of course you listen, he listened to you when no one else would.

How could you not listen to teacher?

Macaque makes sure to keep you busy.

More lessons, more training, more chats....

At this point you live at the dojo.

Macaque always follows you around, practically becoming your shadow with how he looms over you.

To Macaque, it's all about messing with the mind.

He doesn't have to harm a soul himself if he wants you to himself.

He just needs to make you think you need no one else....

Macaque enforces this with his words, praising you and making you reliant on his praise and gifts.

Essentially... He love bombs you to make sure no one else gets your attention.

You can't betray him if he's all you have.

He tells you that you need him.

He says you're too weak on your own, that you need him to be strong.

Do you really want to be alone again?

I feel him manipulating you as your teacher and friend is bad enough.

But when romantic?

He's going to cling to you, he'll make you reliant on his touch just to drag you deeper into his web of lies.

Macaque doesn't care about showing off to Wukong and MK anymore.

Now he just wants you to be his, to keep him company.

He's scared he'll lose you, just like how he was hurt in the past.

So he'll hurt you just enough to make you reliant on him.

He can't lose you if he breaks you and builds you up.

He'll make you forget your old life, he'll have the darkness swallow you.

You'll be his student, his toy, all he ever wants and needs.

He won't need to hurt a soul as long as no one pries too much.

Even if they did, he's used to fighting.

He'll convince you anyone trying to come for you is trying to turn you against him.

You'd never leave your teacher all alone, would you?

No, He knows you wouldn't.

He'll do every dirty trick in the book to make you stay with him.

He'll gaslight you to make you trust him..

He'll bribe, lie, threaten, scold... everything.

As long as he gets in your head, he's won.

By this point, you'll always listen to teacher.

You live with him, train with him, eat with him, sleep with him...

Macaque knows by this point he'll never lose you, not when he's broken you in like this...

You'll be all his once you need him as much as he needs you... master and apprentice bound forever.

[uncanny-tranny]

Hey, if you have speech impediments, you are so amazing.

If you stutter or have a lisp or misspeak easily or you have a flat affect or a limited verbal vocabulary or if your voice is AAC or if you just have a difference in your vocality, you are so incredibly important and amazing.

Just know that your voice is yours. Nobody will ever be able to truly take it away. Your voice is part of you, and you deserve to make it as true to you as you deem fit. I hope you have the space to grow with your voice and whatever about it makes it unique.

[magnificent-buckless-butt]

Wait. Seriously, hold on. This post is hunting me right now because I think I can finally put my fingers on why USA Christianity is weirding me out since the beginning.

As an European, it baffles me how much of the population identify as Christians while acting and saying things like they've never read the Bible in the first place. Except they did, in some extant, because they're the one that quote it so often (we don't do that here, we might refer to a specific part but don't really quote the Bible?). So why, why do they act as if they never read love your neighbor, give the other cheek, Father forgive them etc.?

Because they want to be warriors actually. They want a wrathful God. And there is God's anger in the Bible, there is the wrath of God that must appealed and you must always feel guilty and ask for forgiveness*. But comes Jesus and what he says is basically 'no more'. No more wrath, no more anger, no more warriors. But humans love raging war.

And we fucking did throughout the whole history of Christians actually. You start by saying you're a warrior of Christ, that your virtue is your sword, your faith is your shield and so one. It's nice: you're being a good believer AND you get to have this badass, very virilis imagery of the warrior. But! If you're lucky enough, you'll even have a real war against some "pagans" (really, you don't have to worry about the specifics) and then! Ouh boy, you get to be a real warrior. Everything is perfect.

Which brings us to: why are these people not changing faith/God? Pick another, more angry God/deity or simply go with a "personal faith away from human's restricting religion". Answer: because it's so fucking hard. I'm studying theology so hard and sometimes it happens that I find Catholicism restricting, too verbose or too specific. Except I can't just ditch "my" religion. (To be fair, I also really don't want to because I decided to fight from the heart of the Church but that's another subject. Oh, and notice how I used fight --even I can't refrain from the manly warrior)

Okay, so what do we do? Well I say, we piss them off. And we do so by celebrating the fucking amazingness that is God made human just to fucking die. Jesus never won by any human standards. He was the ultimate loser. And ain't that absolutely beautiful? And humbling? How can you hate the Mexican who takes your job if God tell you to wash his feet as if you're below him? How can you decide who deserves right if you God tell you that you should strip yourself for a random stranger? I say we fight back by being unapologetically happy that God died for us. Not guilty. Happy. It's so, so beautiful that They love us so much and only want us to replicate a fraction of Their love to everyone we encounter. That we have to make ourselves a bit uncomfortable so a stranger can be a whole lot comfortable. That we have to renounce privileges and luxury so all human beings can have the exact same things and opportunities. That it is shameful to try to be better than anyone else. That it is shameful to try to be successful on our own because we're supposed to uplift everyone else before ourselves. That it is shameful not to be empathetic, vulnerable, open about our weaknesses etc.

So anyway, thanks OP because now I'm even more filled with spite that will fuels my love so I can spite their hatred.

*okay side note since you're still here: this is why in the first centuries, there was a heretic branch of Christianity very adamant on separating the Old testament God to the new gospel God.

[inexplicably-spookified]

Lea… do you remember what a clear sky looks like at night?

Out in the countryside, no town or city nearby?

I hope one day you will…

[jtl-fics]

Fluent Freshman - Part 22

PREVIOUS

Y’know how sometimes you have something that you need to do or something that you know is going to happen but you just keep…putting it off? Like you know at some point it is going to happen but you put it off over and over and over and over again? You’re getting increasingly anxious every time you put it off because you know it has to get done but you also know that the longer you wait the worse it is going to get. Finally, FINALLY, the anxiety is just a little too much and you end up having to deal with it.

You finally deal with it and the whole ordeal takes maybe five minutes tops and it was in no way shape or form worth the level of anxiety that you put yourself through. Like you worried about this for a good and long while and it wasn’t even that bad?

That is currently how FF feels about being stabbed by Andrew Minyard.

This is what he was so worried about that he had lost sleep, had nightmares, had lost weight, and had exacerbated his stress ulcers over.

Getting stabbed wasn’t anywhere near as bad as he had thought it was going to be. Maybe it was the fact that it was just a single stab wound instead of the Psycho levels that he had been imagining (Wow, showers were going to be so much less stressful now that he didn’t have to confirm Andrew Minyard’s location before triple checking the lock). Maybe it was the fact that he is PUMPED full of adrenaline from his fights against Jackson and Romero but the stab wound didn’t even really hurt at the moment.

This isn’t even the worse thing that had happened to him this year!

That honor still goes to the joint winners of when his Step Family and mother found out that he had a full-ride to Palmetto and when he had tripped up the same step on the stairs at school three times in a row as people watched and laughed.

(Maybe also the solitary congratulations from his Grandma in regards to his graduation but FF doesn’t let himself think about that, won’t think about it.)

He wouldn’t necessarily call being in a state of ‘stabbed’ a pleasant time but Andrew was being so NICE about it.

“Stop trying to sit up you fucking idiot!” Andrew shouts at him.

Well….Andrew’s version of nice.

(This is the same version of nice that he had misunderstood for months at this point. Maybe FF is just enough in shock from the stab wound in his stomach that he’s starting to grasp the basics in the difficult language of Andrew Minyard’s niceness.)

Andrew had gotten off the phone with 911 and then started pulling off his own jacket before draping it over FF’s upper body, wedging his phone between his shoulder and his ear, and then Andrew started to apply pressure to his stomach wound.

Ow.

That is not a great feeling. This stabbing may eke out past the great triple trip of March 2010.

“No, take back your jacket. You’ll get cold if you don’t have it on.” FF argues because his own jacket is barely doing the job. Maybe it’s the cold pavement of the alley, maybe it’s the blood loss, or maybe it’s the cooling sweat he’d worked up but he is shivering pretty badly.

A thought occurs to him as he feels the weird wet stickiness of his own blood sticking to Nicky’s shirt. “Can you help me get my jacket off?” He asks looking pleadingly at Andrew, “It’s my dad’s. I don’t wanna mess it up with my blood.” He clarifies when Andrew looks at him like he’s a lunatic.

Except his second call must connect right then because Andrew’s answer is non-sensical to what FF had asked, “Neil, let Roland know the police and ambulances are en route.” There’s a brief pause and the pressure against his stomach increases as a muscle in Andrew’s jaw jumps. “Smith got stabbed.” He says and he looks angry, angrier than FF had ever seen Andrew when he’s talking to Captain Neil. There is another pause, more than likely Neil saying something or asking a question, “No, it wasn’t them.” Andrew grits out and the pressure on FF’s stomach hurts, “Just get out here, I need help with smith and making sure these two assholes don’t go anywhere before the police come and grab them.” He says before he pulls one hand away from Smith’s stomach (wow he really is bleeding isn’t he?) to hang up the phone.

Andrew’s gaze turns back to him fully, “You’re not moving an inch Smith, your jacket can be cleaned.” He hisses. “Now stay still and don’t fall asleep.” He orders.

Andrew seems stressed so FF complies. He can’t help but notice how Andrew’s hands seem to be shaking as the press down on his stomach. He kind of wishes he had a pillow or something for his head because he’s starting to feel a little dizzy. Andrew’s jacket would be safer from his blood if it was a pillow instead of a blanket. Still, FF would sooner die than spit on any of Andrew’s current efforts to make him more comfortable.

He looks at the knife sticking out of his stomach. Well, he might die regardless of whether or not he spits on Andrew’s efforts.

He needs to take his mind off this.

“Should we take it out and pretend the Dundee knife stabbed me instead??” FF asks letting his mind go to the first thought in his head so that he could be distracted from his own mortality. “I think it’s still under the dumpster over there.” He moves to point one of his hands towards where the knife had remained throughout this entire ordeal.

Andrew’s knee pinned his arm before he could move it, “Stop moving Smith.” Andrew reminded him before moving his knee. “We have to leave the knife in. You’ll bleed to death otherwise.” Andrew reminds.

“I guess that’s true, so do we just say that Romero got a handle on your knife and stabbed me?” He asks fighting his own shivers since he’s a little worried that any shaking on his part would just make the stab wound worse.

“I stabbed you Smith.” Andrew says looking at him with a furrowed brow.

“Yeah, I know,” FF agrees, “but we’re not going to say THAT to the cops.” He says and shock really is one HELL of a drug because he thinks he might have actually given Andrew Minyard an incredulous look with his atrophied face muscles. It’s either Shock or the knowledge that even if he irritates Andrew, what’s Andrew going to do about it?

STAB HIM?

“You’re going to lie to the cops?” Andrew asks, “I STABBED you Smith.” Andrew repeats.

“Yeah, I know!” FF repeats back, “You stabbed me on ACCIDENT.” FF makes sure to use the same intonation that Andrew had used to emphasize the word Stabbed. “Jackson wanted to stab me on PURPOSE. You saw that knife Andrew.” He tries to gesture towards the knife again but again Andrew’s knee pinned his hand.

He could use his other one but the reminder to stay still is enough.

“I still stabbed you.” Andrew says removing his knee again when it’s clear that FF wasn’t going to try and gesture again.

“Well, if I was going to get stabbed by anyone, I guess I’m glad my first time was with you.” Andrew let’s out a bark of a laugh that sounds more like it was punched out of him than anything, “Honestly, I don’t think Jackson would have given me his jacket afterwards or try and help me keep my blood in my body.” He says and it feels like a victory (not a both hands in the air victory cry level victory but it was close) when Andrew’s face settled into one of faint amusement.

“Probably not.” Andrew agreed, “He doesn’t seem big on Aftercare.” He says.

FF doesn’t know what that means but nods like he does, “So, Romero got a hold of your knife during our tussle and he’s the one who stabbed me. Okay? That’s the story I’m going to stick with no matter who asks me.” He looks Andrew in the eye.

“Alright Smith,” one of Andrew’s hands leaves his stomach and clasps around his shoulder and FF can’t help but notice how neither of Andrew’s hands are shaking anymore. “We can lie to the police.” He squeezes FF’s shoulder.

“Nice.” He says and lets his head fall back onto the concrete. He hears a siren in the distance and hopes it’s coming for him.

They sit in silence for maybe 30 seconds before the door slams open and only Andrew’s hands on his stomach and shoulder keep him from shooting straight up in a panic. Captain Neil seemed to take in the scene at lightning speed but it was Andrew who spoke first, “You left Aaron and Nicky with Roland?” He asks.

“Yeah I did,” Captain Neil confirms and FF can see the moment that his eyes land on the knife handle jutting out of FF’s stomach, “Andrew, what are we going to tell the police?” Captain Neil asks and FF could already see Neil crafting a lie to cover Andrew. That’s one of the things that FF likes about Captain Neil and Andrew’s relationship. He thinks it’s nice that both of them have someone who no matter the circumstances would be there with a shovel to help bury a body. He even thought it was nice when he thought it’d be his body!

“The second guy stabbed me.” The lie comes out smoothly which is good because he is planning on committing to it and Captain Neil blinks and looks at him, “He got hold of Andrew’s knife during the tussle.” He adds.

Captain Neil looks to Andrew, “You said it wasn’t-“

“I guess Smith can lie to a liar.” Andrew interrupts.

Captain Neil’s eyes widen before a wicked grin spread across his face that made FF just a little uncomfortable but only because Andrew’s grip on his shoulder suddenly tightened and his nostrils flared the way they did before the two usually started speaking in Russian.

He can handle being stabbed, he cannot handle being in shock and pretending that he doesn’t know what the two of them are saying to one another.

“Can you tell Nicky I’m sorry I got blood on his clothes?” He asks and both Captain Neil and Andrew’s gaze snap away from eye-fucking each other. He looks down and the clothes are black and they haven’t moved the knife so the wound is plugged still but yeah there’s definitely blood seeping into the shirt, not to mention the hole. “Could you tell him I’m sorry about that?” He asks.

“You are going to tell him yourself Smith.” Andrew hisses, “You are going to be fine. Do you understand me?” He asks before turning to Neil, “Can you bunch your jacket under his legs, it’s better to keep them higher than his head and heart?” He asks.

Aw.

Andrew is just so nice.

He can’t BELIEVE he thought Andrew wanted to hunt him for sport.

He’d apologize for thinking that but he thinks it’d be better to just let that particular misunderstanding go unmentioned.

Captain Neil bunches his jacket up and puts it under FF’s legs before he goes over to check on Romero and Jackson. In the corner of his eye he sees Captain Neil pause at the sight of Romero before moving over to Jackson.

“Why is he in these?!” Neil asks baffled.

“It’s a weird sex alley Captain Neil! I don’t know WHAT to tell you!” Yeah he’s definitely going into shock. The sirens are getting closer though so he’ll probably be okay.

***

The cops all have a bit of a laugh about Jackson’s cuffs until Neil tells them exactly who they are taking into custody. Neil could admit that he’s a little irritated with Andrew that at no point did the man clarify that the people who FF and Andrew were dealing with were Romero and Jackson.

Those are his father’s goons.

“They were here for me.” Neil says to the police officer and Andrew’s hand tightens in his, “They tried to take Smith because he’s my friend.”

They had decided on their story before the cops came. FF had no idea who any of these people were and was just defending himself. He’d gone out to catch his breath in the alley when Jackson had shown up. Neil had asked how in the world FF had handled Jackson on his own but FF must have been getting kind of loopy from blood loss because all he said was, “He told me to sing so I did.”

Neil can find out the full story later.

The important part is.

“Jackson went after Smith but Smith won the fight.” Neil says looking at where the cops are trying to decide how to get the fuzzy pink handcuffs off of Jackson to get him in the far more secure police issued handcuffs.

“Your friend said that you and he took out Romero together. That Romero is the one who stabbed him with your knife.” He says.

“Yes.” Andrew answers simply and Neil squeezes his hand as a reminder, “I went out to grab a smoke and Romero followed after me. Romero got hold of one of my knives in the struggle and stabbed Smith.” Andrew says with his usual deadpan affect.

“Yeah that’s what your friend Smith was saying too.” The officer says. “Well, I’m sure the FBI will want to talk to you all further but for now it’s a pretty clear cut case of self defense and no one but your friend has any serious injuries.” The officer pats Neil on the shoulder and Neil manages not to shirk away from the touch. The officer retracts his hand, “You guys are free to go tonight.” He says and turns back towards the car where a dazed Romero is in the back seat.

“Where did they take Smith?” Andrew asks since they’d been shepherded away from Smith the moment the ambulance had come. They hadn’t been able to ask which hospital Smith was going to be taken to so they could go and get updates.

“Lexington.” The cop answers, “Go on and see your friend. He seemed pretty loopy he kept talking about some beauty contest thing when he was getting loaded into the ambulance. I’m sure he’ll be a riot on painkillers.” The cop goes for a joke but it twists something in Neil’s stomach to think of FF so out of it that he’s talking nonsensically.

He feels Andrew’s hand stiffen in his and knows he’s not alone.

“Thanks.” Neil says before they head towards the front of the club. The club had been emptied out when the cops had come so Roland was babysitting Aaron and Nicky for them while they talked to the cops and FF was loaded out to the hospital.

In a way it’s almost a blessing that Nicky and Aaron are both so blasted that they aren’t comprehending any of what’s going on. They’ll have to drop them off back at the house before they go to the hospital. They’ll beat Wymack there easily even after the interrogation and drop off.

FF had asked them to call Wymack to let him know what was going on “I gave him the rights to make health care decisions for me if I’m incapacitated.” FF had said so Neil texts Wymack the hospital and the address after Andrew rattles it off for him.

“I don’t like that you hid it from me.” Neil says in the car.

“They wanted to kill you.” Andrew won’t apologize.

They still hold hands on the drive back to the Columbia house.

Andrew takes care of getting Aaron into bed while Neil helps Nicky.

Nicky who looks at Neil with a loopy smile and Neil hurts knowing that tomorrow when Nicky finds out about tonight and how he was too blasted to do anything to help FF.

Andrew and Neil reconvene in the Maserati and make their way to the hospital before either of them realize the issue.

“What is the name of the patient you’re looking for an update on?” The receptionist asks.

Both Andrew and Neil freeze.

Fuck.

MASTERPOST FOR ALL PARTS OF FLUENT FRESHMAN AU

NEXT

Per your requests:

@i-have-three-feelings​ @blep-23​ @dreamerking27​ @andreilsmyreligion​ @belodensetdust​ @rainbowpineapplebottle @yarn-ace @iwouldlikesometea @lily-s-world​ @obscureshipsandchips​ @booklover242​ @whataboutmyfries​ @sahturnos​ @pluto-pepsi​ @dreamerthinker​ @passinhosdetartaruga​ @leftunknownheart​ @aro-manita-muscaria @hologramsaredead​ @Chaoticgremlinswishtheycouldbeme @tntwme​ @tayspots @nick-scar​ @crazy-fangirl2524​ @blue-jos10​ @stabbyfoxandrew​ @splishsplashyouropinionistrash​ @sammichly​ @the-broken-pen​ @bitchesdoweknowu​ @very-small-flower​ @ghostlyboiii​ @its-a-paxycab​ @bisexual-genderfluid-fan​ @cheesecookie​ @theoneandonlylostsock​ @foxsoulcourt​ @blueleys @adverbialstarlight​ @elia-nna​ @can-i-just-stay-in-the-corner​ @nikodiangel​ @foxandcrow-inatrenchcoat​ @hallucinatedjosten​ @satanic-foxhole-court​ @vexingcosmos​ @chalilodimun​ @insectsgetcooked​ @angry-kid-with-no-money​ @queer-crows​ @lillyndra​ @themugglemudperson​ @readertodeath​ @apileofpillows​ @mortalsbowbeforeme​ @hellomynameismoo​ @next-level-mess @youreonlylow​ @interstellarfig​ @notprocrastinatingatalltoday​ @percyjacksonfan3​ @queenofcrazy27​ @bsmr261 @ghostlyscares​ @spencellio​ @adinthedarkroom​ @harpymoth​ @sufferingjustalilbit​ @anxietymoss​ @oddgreyhound​ @ohno-myhyperfixation-itsbroken​ @ken22789​ @atiredvampire​ @isoldescorner​ @not--a--pipedream​ @azure-wing​ @bushbees​  @roonilwazlib-main​ @crumplelush​ @foldedaces-paperbirds​ @thesenseinnonsense​ @let-tyrants-fear​ @ketchupandfries​ @legowerewolf​ @deadlydodos​ @but-we-respect-his-craft​ @cariniqe​ @zanypersonapricotbiscuit​ @lesbian-blackbeard​ @lesbiansupernatural​ @silvermasquerade​ @thepeachfuzz​ @minniemariex @kazoo-the-demjin​ @gaypomegranate​ @ji-nk-ies​ @neilimfinejosten​

The requests to be added to the tag list keep being spread out across a few different areas. If I missed you please just ask again in the replies I promise I just missed you.

As stated before if you’re up here and I spelled it right but you didn’t get a notification there might be something switched around in your settings that won’t let me tag you properly?

[millionsknives]

looking at my 2024 art in review… i’m a really good artist, aren’t i

[call-sign-shark]

Heyaaah Reb. Shark's back again. My apologies for the messy comment but my mind is screaming because of this chapter and typing on an old keyboard with my long nails is a pain in the ass.

What a rollercoaster of emotions it was. It was such a satisfying read as they finally stop fighting against that irresistible pull they experience. First of all I thought it was adorable that Nina loved baking and thst it was her first way to keep her mind busy. As soon as Tommy joined her, I looked forward their heartfelt conversation but gosh I wasn't ready. I didn't expect her to open up entirely to him but it felt so freaking good. My poor love, she must have felt suffocating her own damn life. The line “This pain that you have,” he whispered, “share it with me" had me melting. I'm sucker for this kind of hurt/comfort trope. I don't know how he does that but he always find the right word to say to reassure her. This is directly linked with this line "She didn’t know how else to explain it except to say that they seemed to understand each other." its exactly what I was trying to say, they understand each other on a diffrent level and I can't imagine how relieving it shoud be for Nina, who has been misunderstood all her life. To the extent she thought she was the problem, the abnormal one.

And I found out Stefano and his brother had a habit of dragging girls into their car. I didn’t know what it was that they did to them, back then. But it was scary. I stole my brother’s pocket knife, just in case, and always took it with me.” -> GOSH SOMEONE KILLS STEFANO PLEASE. He's a monster.

“He asked me if I had, perhaps, done something to… encourage that behaviour. To make him believe that I wanted that kind of attention.” -> I know it was a common thought and still is but brooooooooo it got me angry (and sad for Nina who's got blamed)

Then, I must say that I particularly adore how you describe the longing Tom has for Nina. I'm reallz fond of of those scene in a fic where we get to see the other character's pov and how he's getting intoxicated by the MC. You did an excellent job at conveying how he's now walking on thin ice.

And last but not least.... THIS IS THE MOST ROMANTIC AND HEARTWARMING SMUT I?VE NEVER READ. Tommy taking her virginity so carefully and always asking for her permission had me screaming. He's so considerate I could feel how much he cares for her as the words aligned. Nina's reaction also astounded me: this is so raw, so realistic for a first time. Whether it is the fact the first finger he inserts in her feels midly uncomfortable or the pain of being penetrated for the first time. Her little thoughts like "it couldn't possibly fit' made me giggle but they were also so realistic. I really loved it. This was really an intense and passionate sex scene -- and also so important for Nina. A threshold has been crossed and these two are going to be inseparable <3

"that was what Nina had been warned about all her life. That was the sin she had been taught she should avoid at all costs, the sin that would bring shame and ignominy upon her and all her family." -> I think this was one of my favorite liens of this chapter. The word are so simple but heavy with meaning and importance. It echoes to Nina's deepest core, here fears and education. It also felt so true to the thought of a girl discovering the joy of se in a first love/safe context. Gosh I just wanted to pat her shoulder and smile at her proudly.

Also can we talk about Tommy cleaning her afterwards? What a gentleman.

I loved it Reb, so happy to get back to one of my favorite work ever written.

Heart, Body and Soul || Tommy Shelby x OC

CHAPTER 9

Summary: Tommy learns something more about Nina as she opens up to him about her past. Unable to ignore the feelings they have for each other any longer, they reach a point of no return.

Warnings: mentions of arranged marriage, slow-burn, small age-gap (Tommy’s 30, Nina is in her early 20s), time-typical misogyny, references to past attempted assault, harassment, violence, no proofreading, English is not my first language. This is set between season 1 and 2. This chapter is 18+, smut (it’s a spoiler but I need to say it). This is my first attempt ever at smut cause it isn’t my cup of tea, so it might not be that good. Also I didn’t want it to be just porn but I wanted it to be ✨functional✨ to the story and tell something, so I hope I did that.

PREVIOUS CHAPTER

SERIES MASTERLIST

Gif credits

Dividers credits

Nina muttered a few curses under her breath as her elbow accidentally hit the bottle of milk standing on the table, spilling its content everywhere. She hastily grabbed some rugs, trying her best to contain the damage. Maybe deciding to bake so late at night hadn’t been her best idea. But she needed to keep herself busy or she would���ve lost her mind, because apparently sleeping was no longer an option for her.

She couldn’t sleep without having nightmares anymore, and all of them involved the same person. Stefano. Sometimes he had her pressed into the wall again, and no matter how hard she screamed, no one would come save her. Sometimes he was standing in her father’s study, arranging their marriage as if she weren’t there. Sometimes he was waiting for her at the end of the aisle, with a grin on his face and a glimpse of victory in his eyes. And every time she woke up feeling his weight on her again, and his breath on her face, and his hands up her legs. She told herself she was being dramatic, that she should’ve been glad nothing had actually happened and forget about it, but the feeling of disgust that had been pervading her since that fateful morning just wouldn’t go away.

What her father had said during the lunch had been the last straw. All that talk about leaving her free to make her own choice was nothing more than empty words, a way of keeping her sweet until he managed to persuade her. And she was scared, because she knew that if he made that decision for her, she wouldn’t have a say in the matter. Because the alternative would’ve been a break with the Spinietta family, and that was something they couldn’t afford.

She missed her nightly talks with Tommy. For almost a month, he had managed to take her mind off all the ugly things that were happening in her life. Talking came easy with him. She didn’t know how else to explain it except to say that they seemed to understand each other. It was surprising, to say the least. Sure, there were parts of him that stayed a mystery to her, and parts of her that she still couldn’t let show, but they felt more like something to discover rather than an obstacle. Still, that meant nothing. Those parts were not hers to discover, and he wasn’t supposed to get any closer to her than he had already done. So they had pushed each other away, and reduced their interactions to the bare minimum. But that didn’t make it any easier. She missed him, despite her attempts to keep him out of her head, and now that they didn’t talk anymore it was as if she was on her own again, trapped into a world that spoke a whole different language.

However, Nina wasn’t the only one who felt the weight of that distance. She was the one person who had made Tommy’s stay in Italy somewhat bearable, and her detachment had left him feeling… hollow.

It had also brought him back to the reality of his situation, though. There was a war going on on more than one side, and he needed to do what was necessary for him and his family. He was walking on a thin line that became more precarious the more he waited. He had two days left to propose, or else the deal would be off, and God knew what would happen then. The most absurd part of it all was that what rationally should’ve been his major concern was overshadowed by something else entirely. He was scared of what would happen to Nina once he’d be back in Birmingham with Agnese on his arm. He didn’t know what was exactly going on with Spinietta, but if there was one thing he had learned, it was that when a man there decided he wanted something, he’d take it, one way or another.

If he could’ve been sure it wouldn’t have started yet another war, Tommy would’ve taken his eyes days ago. And when It didn’t matter how much he told himself that it was the injustice that made him furious, deep down he was aware it wasn’t true. The truth was he cared about Nina. He cared about her in a way he wasn’t supposed to. He had no idea how it had happened, but she had managed to make her way into his heart with steps so light he didn’t even realise it until it was too late. And now thoughts of her filled his mind night and day.

He didn’t think he’d ever feel like that about someone again, after Grace. Grace had been the first person he had opened up to in a long time, he had allowed her to see those parts of himself he never let show, and he had realised there was still a small light inside of him, a sparkle that had survived the storm brought by the war. And he had thought that maybe there was still hope for him. When she betrayed him, the darkness engulfed him again, and any shred of hope he had left faded into dust. But just like a match, Nina had made that sparkle burst into a flame, showing him that it had never been extinguished in the first place. It overwhelmed him how much he wanted her. He could feel her in his bones, in his veins.

It would’ve been a lie to say that the thought of talking to her father hadn’t crossed his mind. But Nina was not something he could take for himself. He couldn’t rob her of her freedom. Even he wasn’t that bad. He could only be content with the little time he had with her, and carry it with him when everything would be over. Maybe that was the reason why he walked out of his room that night, in the hope that she’d be in the kitchen, making herself her terrible tea.

And there she was, except that - much to Tommy’s confusion- she wasn’t making tea. She was surrounded by bowls and pans, and there was flour spilled all over the table. Apparently unaware that she was no longer alone, she kept on stirring the batter with a whisk, with an aggressiveness that gave away her inner turmoil.

“What are you doing?” He caught her attention, earning himself a brief glance before she shifted her eyes back on her work.

“Baking,” she replied, her imperturbable expression clashing with her snappish motions.

Tommy frowned, walking further into the room. “It’s three in the morning, Nina.”

“I couldn’t sleep.”

Nina’s statement made him cock an eyebrow in disbelief. It didn’t take a genius to guess that she wasn’t baking in the middle of the night because she craved some sweet treat, and her short answers and dismissive behaviour were all Tommy needed to understand that there was, in fact, something going on in that mind of hers.

Slowly, as one would do with a wounded animal, he approached her, and he could’ve sworn her breath had hitched in her throat. “Are you alright?” He asked, coming to a stop next to her.

Her movements ceased, and her hand clenched around the whisk before she let it go. She swallowed, keeping her gaze on the table, and Tommy wondered whether that reaction was due to the question or their proximity.

“Why wouldn’t I be?” She recollected herself, sending him a sideward look.

Tommy knew better than to push her. Insisting would only cause her to shut down even more, and that was the last thing he wanted. So he pretended to believe her, and took a seat at the table without another word.

Silence fell in the room as Nina resumed mixing the ingredients, and a new feeling began to rise up inside her. It had been a while since they had spent some time alone, and she had started to surrender to the fact that it would never happen again. Yet, there they were. She would’ve liked to say that it was as if they had never been apart, but in truth it was different, now that she wasn’t lying to herself anymore. With the acknowledgment of her feelings, came the awareness that whatever was going on between them wasn’t destined to last, that the end was near, and that every moment they spent together could’ve been the last. And it didn’t feel right.

She had never felt that way about anyone. She didn’t even know she could be capable of it until she met him. He had made her question everything, even herself, and she despised him for it. She despised him for making all her certainties crumble, for taking everything she had ever known and turning it into an undefined mass of doubts, for making her feel things she was sure she could never feel for anyone else.

Nina could feel Tommy’s eyes on her has she put the chocolate cake in the oven, and that alone made her hands shake. Against all logic, his gaze on her was something she both craved and escaped, it made her feel uncovered and… seen. She wasn��t used to being seen.

Closing the oven, she pushed those thoughts away. There was no point in torturing herself over what could not be changed. She checked the time on clock on the wall. Forty minutes.

“I have to clean this mess,” she murmured, more to herself than to Tommy. One look at the disaster around her, and she already regretted her decision. She inhaled deeply as the thunderstorm of emotions she was trying so hard to contain threatened to slip out of her control, but soon tears welled up in her eyes. She turned her head away so that Tommy wouldn’t see them, but it was too late.

“Oi,” he furrowed his eyebrows, getting up from the chair. “What’s wrong, eh?”

Many things were wrong. Her family, Stefano, that. Whatever that was. “I have to clean this mess,” she repeated, her voice cracking.

“It’s alright, I’ll help you,” he said reassuringly, taking a few steps towards her, worry painted all over his face.

Nina shook her head, crossing her arms over her chest. “No, no I can do it. It’s…” she trailed off, the knot in her throat making it difficult to even speak.

Tommy’s heart painfully squeezed in his chest. It was overwhelming, to see the suffering she hid behind her mask of fierceness and wit. It was never about the tiredness, or the lack of sleep, or the fucking dishes. She had things eating at her from the inside. Just like him.

“C’mere,” he gently brought his hands to her face, forcing her to look at him. A few tears fell from her eyes, then others followed, like incessant stream that could no longer be held back. “It’s alright,” he said softly, wiping them away. “It’s alright.”

Nina closed her eyes, letting herself be soothed by Tommy’s deep voice and the tender touch of his rough hands on her skin. His fingers traveled through her soft hair, brushing it away from her tear-stained cheeks, before resting on the sides of her face again. “This pain that you have,” he whispered, “share it with me.”

She brought her hands above his, looking up at him through her lashes. Her thumbs faintly stroked his skin, and he could read a hint of hesitation in her features. But when she guided his hands off her face and took a step back, he was certain that she had closed off again, leaving him outside of her mind.

As though nothing had happened, she started to clean up, and Tommy with her, despite her protests. For a while, the clinking of pots and the rush of water were the only noises that broke the stillness of the kitchen. Then, unexpectedly, Nina started to speak.

“It has been going on since I was fourteen,” she said, scrubbing a bowl. Tommy stayed silent, afraid that she’d change her mind if he even made a sound.

“I was in the..” she broke off, looking for the right word. “…ginnasio. I don’t know what it’s called in English. It’s after elementary school,” she explained. “Girls stop at elementary school, they don’t get a higher education. It’s not like it’s forbidden, but it’s just how things are. So as you can imagine, it caused quite the scandal.”

Tommy grabbed a towel, drying the utensils that Nina washed as he listened.

“It caught Stefano’s attention. He studied at the liceo, which is after the ginnasio. He always came to talk to me, asked me questions. My brothers had already finished school at the time, so he was free to approach me without anyone saying anything.” She paused, taking her time to properly clean the whisk. “It didn’t bother me, at first,” she admitted, and Tommy caught a trace of shame in her tone. “He was good looking, a bit older, and he was fairly nice to me. Most girls in the village were in love with him and his brother. I had no idea about what they did.” She handed him a spoon, keeping her gaze on the sink. “Then one day I saw them beating a man half to death in his own shop cause he hadn’t paid for protection. I didn’t even know what protection was,” a laugh escaped her lips, but there was no humour in it. “I have my way of finding out stuff, and people talk, words spread. And once I learned who he was, I decided that I didn’t want anything to do with him. I thought I just had to be patient, cause he was on his last year of school. He asked me to be his girlfriend, on the last day before summer break, and I said no. I thought he’d leave me alone after that,” her voice lowered. “He didn’t. Even when he finished school, he’d always find the way to come to me, to talk to me. He became insistent, he thought I was being difficult, that I was saying no because I didn’t want to say yes right away.”

Fucking bastard, Tommy thought.

“The more time passed, the more I saw, and learned,” Nina continued, her eyes darkening at some distant memory. “And I found out Stefano and his brother had a habit of dragging girls into their car. I didn’t know what it was that they did to them, back then. But it was scary. I stole my brother’s pocket knife, just in case, and always took it with me.”

Tommy almost felt sick. It was even worse than he had imagined. It had been going on for years, ever since she was a little more than a child. Years, and she had never said anything. A question burned on the tip of his tongue, a question whose answer he feared, but that he needed to ask nonetheless. For the first time since she had started telling the whole story, he spoke. “Did you… did you ever need to use it?”

She fell silent, and for a moment he thought he had screwed up. But then she nodded. “Yes.”

His stomach dropped at her revelation, and he stopped what he was doing to take a look at her. He could read the effort she was making to talk about that on her face.

“I was buying groceries with Agnese, and she had stopped in a shop. He came to me while I was waiting for her, tried to convince me to go with him in his car. I pointed that knife at his throat the moment he tried to grab me.” Her voice had hardened, her eyes burning with the determination he had witnessed so many times. “That scar he has, it’s because of me.”

Tommy exhaled the breath he hadn’t even noticed he was holding. Although enraged, he was relieved that Nina didn’t share the destiny of those girls before her, that she had been able to hold her own. Something really close to pride swelled in his chest.

“Unfortunately, it didn’t make him stop. If anything, it made him worse. The fact that our families do business together didn’t help. Soon he was everywhere. At church, outside my school, he even helped my mum with the groceries. I only had some rest when the war came. His father sent him and his brother to their relatives in New York, so that they wouldn’t fight. I hoped he’d stay there, but he came back. And he started again.”

Having finished to wash the utensils, Nina began to put them back in their place. “Recently, he went to speak with my father. He wants to marry me. That was why he was invited here for lunch.”

Tommy felt the blood freeze in his veins. He had imagined the nature of Stefano’s visits to the Ferrante house, but knowing it for sure was an entirely different thing. The thought of Nina being married to that fucker made him sick to his stomach. “What you just said to me,” he said, “tell your family. They’ll understand.”

Nina shook her head, the shadow of a sad smile growing on her face. “I tried.”

She kept herself busy with the last things that needed tidying up, the topic clearly being a raw nerve. “The first time Stefano followed me home from school I went to my father,” she elaborated, wiping the table. “He asked me if I had, perhaps, done something to… encourage that behaviour. To make him believe that I wanted that kind of attention.”

She finally put down the rag, then she went to wash her hands, dismissing the subject as if it was nothing. But that wasn’t nothing. That was a lot, and she didn’t deserve it. It was no wonder she always acted as if it was just her against the whole world. She had to protect herself for years.

“I’m sorry,” Tommy said truthfully. It was the only sentence he could muster up. What could he possibly say, after what she had told him?

Yet, those words had an effect on Nina. All that time, she had felt like it was somehow her fault, or something she had to get over. But that short sentence, said with so much sincerity, carried a meaning of its own. I’m sorry that happened to you. It was the recognition that something had indeed happened, and that it wasn’t something she had done, but something had been done to her. Maybe she was overthinking that, maybe he had only said the first thing that came to his mind, but she needed to hear it.

After that, she let the conversation drop. She would’ve probably regretted sharing that much in the morning, but for the moment she felt lighter. The burden that had weighed down on her shoulders for so long wasn’t as heavy, now that she wasn’t carrying it alone. And even if it lasted just for one night, even if that weight came crashing down on her again the next day, it was enough.

Ten minutes later or so, she took the cake out of the oven, then covered it with a clean tea towel. It would’ve been fun to explain to her mother where it came from. “It’s late,” she murmured, glancing at Tommy. He was leaning against the table, an indecipherable look on his face. Her gaze was captured by the way the muscles of his shoulders showed through his undershirt, then lingered on his forearms, exposed by his rolled-up sleeves. A warm flush crept up her cheeks, and she found herself taken aback by her own thoughts. She really needed to sleep. And Tommy, who she had kept up with her. A sense of guilt pervaded her. Things weren’t easy for him either, and he needed to rest as well. She cleared her throat, hesitantly getting closer to him. “Thank you,” she whispered, resting her hand on his arm. “For staying.”

Tommy turned to look at her, his body stiffening. That contact was enough to send a chill down his spine. Only the thin material of his undershirt was separating his skin from her fingers, yet her touch burned, awakening all the sensations he had been trying to keep at bay. She was beautiful, and mere inches away from him, and her scent was making his head spin. His eyes drifted to her lips. He still remembered how they tasted, and that only added to his yearning. As though it didn’t belong to him anymore, his hand moved to delicately stroke her cheek, the roughness of his knuckles contrasting with the softness of her skin. Her eyelids fluttered closed as she almost involuntarily leaned closer. With a burning desire clouding his judgment, Tommy tentatively pressed his mouth on hers, testing the waters. When her lips started to move against his, his hand went to cup the back of her head, deepening the kiss. It was different than the first time, when his eagerness was so intense that he couldn’t bring himself to be gentle. He kissed her slowly, delicately, as if she might break in his hands.

Nina did feel like she could break at any moment. Vulnerable, exposed. And the craziest part was that she didn’t mind, not even a bit. Because she felt safe, in his arms. However, once again, reality set over her like a dark mist. She slightly moved away, shaking her head. “We can’t do this, Tommy,” she whispered.

He nodded, closing his eyes shut. They were still close enough for their noses to brush, and the tried to imprint that feeling in his mind, in his soul. “I know,” he rasped.

Neither of them moved for a while. Neither of them wanted to. They had been restraining themselves for so long. But it was too late. Inhaling sharply, Tommy took a step back, and a feeling of coldness engulfed both of them.

Nina paced back and forth in her room, fragments of what had happened less than ten minutes ago in the kitchen playing in her head again and again. It felt as if she had reached a point of no return. She couldn’t lie to herself anymore. She couldn’t go against herself anymore. She wanted him. It didn’t matter how much she tried to convince herself that she didn’t, that she should step aside before it became serious, that she’d forget about him anyway. None of it was true. She had tried so hard to put an end to that, to push him away, but she hadn’t been able to. She felt selfish, and cruel, and a traitor for that. And the worst thing was she didn’t care. In that moment, she didn’t care at all. She wanted to be selfish. She wanted to be cruel. She wanted to be a traitor. For once, she didn’t want to think about anyone but herself.

Fuck it, she thought. She walked out of her room, her pulse racing. It wasn’t fear, she wasn’t scared of being caught. With her parents’ chamber being in the other corridor and her brothers being away on business, no one would see her entering Tommy’s room. It was the anticipation for something she couldn’t quite put her finger on. She stopped in front of the door, pondering whether to knock, just open it, or simply leave, feeling her courage already slip away from her. What if he didn’t want to see her? What if he was already asleep?

Determined not to let the whirlwind of thoughts and panic scare her out of it, she brought her fist to the wooden surface. The seconds stretched into an eternity as she waited, nervously fidgeting with her fingers, and when the sound of his footsteps came to her ears, she thought her heart could jump right out of her chest. Tommy opened the door, confusion painted across his features, but before he could say anything, Nina pulled him in and crashed her lips against his. It didn’t take much for him to recover from the surprise and wrap a strong arm around her waist, pulling her inside as he closed the door with his free hand. She found herself trapped against the hard surface, enveloped by the warmth radiating from him as their bodies pressed together. Her hands slid behind his neck, bringing him impossibly closer, eager to feel more. The feeling of his strong frame all over her made her knees buckle, and she was pretty sure she would’ve ended up on the floor hadn’t he been holding her. His smell, which had become now so familiar to her - a mixture of soap and cigarette smoke, with a hint of whiskey-, invaded her nostrils, making her head spin.

His hands roamed down her body, covered by the cotton nightgown. He gripped at the soft material, feeling the last shred of his self control drift away from him. It was too much. She was too much. God knew how much he wanted her, but he didn’t want her to do something she was going to regret. Once they had crossed that line, they couldn’t go back. “Nina,” he groaned, breaking away from her. “We have to stop now. I have to stop now.”

“Don’t.”

In the dim light of the room, Tommy examined her expression, only to see there was not a trace of doubt in her eyes. He gulped, gently stroking her cheek. “Are you sure?”

“Yes.”

He leaned with his forehead against hers, rubbing his thumb on the skin of her jaw. “Tell me to stop and I’ll stop,” he husked. “At any moment.”

She nodded, but when he leaned in to kiss her again, she put her hands on his chest. “Wait,” she blurted out, causing him to take a step back. “I’ve never…” Nina didn’t finish her sentence, but she didn’t need to.

Shit. Tommy had imagined it, of course, he was no fool, but having it confirmed… He shouldn’t. He really shouldn’t. But there was a part of him that didn’t care at all. The bad he couldn’t help.

“Do you want me to stop?”

Nina pondered her answer, the reality of the situation washing over her. Theoretically, she knew what to expect. Practically, it was a whole different thing. And she knew that if she said yes, she’d be ruined. Still, she didn’t care. And she was hit by the overwhelming awareness that she’d let him do whatever he wanted to her. “No,” she breathed out.

She felt like she could melt right there when he raised her chin to capture her lips again. What started as a tender kiss became more heated, and soon he was basically devouring her, unable to restrain himself any longer.

Tommy had thought about that moment more than he’d ever admit, and now that she was actually there in his arms, it almost felt unreal. Yet she was there, and she was trusting him. And as he grabbed her waist to press her against him, he noticed his own hands were shaking.

Nina tilted her head as he started to leave a trail of kisses down her neck. A gasp escaped her lips when he reached a particularly sensitive spot, and an unfamiliar ache spread between her tighs, causing her to unconsciously rub them together. Her reaction didn’t go unnoticed, cause she felt his lips twisting in a grin against her skin. He moved down to her collarbones, then perilously close to her breasts. His fingers travelled up to the straps of her nightgown as he pulled back slightly, a silent question in his eyes. When she nodded, he slowly slid them down her shoulders, uncovering her inch after inch, until she was standing in front of him with nothing on but her knickers.

Her heart raced as she saw desire burning in Tommy’s eyes. Except it wasn’t just desire, or lust. There was something more, something she couldn’t read. No one had ever looked at her that way. With trembling hands, she shyly took ahold of the hem of his undershirt. Her fingers brushed against his skin as she raised it, leaving behind a trail of goosebumps and making his muscles twitch. Once the clothing was lying on the on the floor, she allowed herself to look at him, and explore him. She delicately traced the bullet scar on his shoulder, as if she might hurt him by pressing too hard, then the tattoo on his chest, then the lines of his abdomen, everything that told the story of his life. It was like watching a masterpiece. A torn, tainted masterpiece, but a masterpiece nonetheless.

Her hands reached his trousers, but she raised her gaze on him before unbuttoning them. A glimpse of something that looked a lot like surprise crossed his face, almost as though he wasn’t expecting her to ask. Then he gave her a single nod. After helping her remove them, he gently guided her towards the bed.

A mixture of edginess and anticipation took over Nina as Tommy positioned himself on top of her, one hand beside her head to support himself, the other ghosting over her breasts. She arched her back as he ran his thumb over one of her hardened nipples, the new, strange sensation becoming more and more pleasant as he fondled her flesh. He leaned down to pepper her chest with kisses, his lips warm and soft, then he trailed down to her stomach, her ribs, her belly. That new attention had her squirming under him, eliciting a deep chuckle from Tommy that caused her face to flush. His lips travelled up again to meet hers in a slow, sensual kiss that fogged her brain so much that she almost didn’t notice his hand making its way down to her most private parts. Breath hitched in her throat as he ran his fingers over her clothed sex.

“Do you trust me?” he asked her, his voice reverberating in her own chest. He raised his head to look at her, studying her expression.

Nina’s hand found its place on the back of his head, the short locks tickling her palm. She didn’t even need to think about her answer. One look at his face and she knew. She did trust him, with all her heart. She pulled him down to press a tender kiss on his mouth. “Yes,” she whispered.

Still close enough for their lips to brush, Tommy delicately rubbed his fingers over her heat, stimulating the area while allowing her to get used to the sensation of being touched. When his fingertip found her clit, she let out an involuntary gasp, her fingers tightening around the nape of his neck. He then pushed her knickers to the side, caressing the wet folds before stopping at her opening. Slowly, he inserted one of his digits, and she winced at the foreign, mildly uncomfortable feeling. Tommy stilled his movements, giving her the time to get adjusted.

“Is this alright?”

“Yes,” she breathed out.

He began to pump his finger in and out, careful not to go too deep just yet. Nina let out a ragged breath, pleasure building up inside her as she gradually got used to the feeling. His thumb rolled over her clit, the unexpected move eliciting a whimper out of her. Her breathing became more laboured as he added another finger, stretching her further.

Tommy took in the sight of her under him, eyes closed, swollen lips parted, her eyebrows slightly furrowed in a frown. God, she was beautiful. And she was his, even if just for one night. He moved faster and deeper, working her open until he felt it was enough. A whine of protest left her lips when he removed his fingers, and he smirked at the reaction. “Be patient,” he playfully scolded her, earning himself a glare.

He got rid her now inconvenient last piece of clothing, then took off his briefs. Nina couldn’t help but let her gaze wander to the newly exposed part, and a wave of concern overcame her. It couldn’t possibly fit.

Tommy gently parted her legs more to settle between them and hovered above her again, but he must’ve read the apprehension on her face. “Do you want to stop?” he murmured, running his knuckles over her cheek.

His attentiveness warmed Nina’s heart, dissolving any fear she had. She was safe with him. He wouldn’t hurt her. “No,” she shook her head.

He cradled her head in one of his hands and leaned in to place a sweet kiss on her forehead, then lined himself up with her entrance. Nina braced herself for what was to come, her fingers ghosting over his shoulders in a soothing motion. Tommy inserted his tip, and she couldn’t hold back a stifled gasp at the intrusion. He stood still for a moment, reassuringly rubbing her waist with a hand, then pushed a bit further inside her tight slit. Nina squeezed her eyes shut, the burning sensation almost unbearable.

“You alright?” he asked, the effort he was making to restrain himself showing through the rasp of his voice. Her velvety walls were squeezing him in the most delightful way, and it took all his self-control to stop there.

She nodded, silently giving him the permission to go on. Pain and pleasure mixed as he carefully worked his way past her resistance, until he was buried deep inside of her. He stilled again, giving her the time to adjust to his size. That feeling of fullness took her breath away, it was intoxicating. He was intoxicating. She pulled him impossibly close, eager to feel every inch of his skin on her skin, to melt into him until she could no longer tell where she started and he ended. A low groan reverberated into her ear as she pushed her hips up against his, encouraging him to move. Tommy started rolling his hips, setting a slow, sensual pace that allowed both of them to feel everything with the outmost depth. His lips claimed hers in a searing kiss, stifling the moans that threatened to escape them. Nina’s hands went to cup his face, the softness of his lips enough to distract her from the last shreds of pain and help her relax, thus allowing him to go even deeper. His teeth grazed her bottom lip, further igniting the fire inside of her.

So that was what Nina had been warned about all her life. That was the sin she had been taught she should avoid at all costs, the sin that would bring shame and ignominy upon her and all her family. And she was surprised to find out that it didn’t feel like a sin. It didn’t feel wrong. How could there be shame in that, when it felt so right? How could there be shame in being in the arms of someone she cared so deeply about, who made her feel so safe? Where was the shame?

Tommy’s hands rested on the back her thighs, fingers squeezing the flesh as he felt her tightening around him. He wanted to take it slow, to savour that moment, but it was getting harder and harder as her warmth, her scent, her shaky breaths clouded his senses. It felt like being in a bubble. Nothing else mattered, nothing else was real. Time had stopped for them to exist in that moment.

Nina hid her face in the crook of his neck as he quickened his pace, feeling her muscles tightening in her lower stomach. Tommy guided her to wrap her legs around him, the new angle making her see stars. His thrusts became more erratic, more frantic, causing that strange feeling in her abdomen to become even stronger. “Tommy,” she whimpered, overwhelmed by that vortex of sensations.

“Let it happen, love,” he whispered in her ear, his length twitching at the way his name sounded on her lips.

With a few more thrusts, he pushed her over the edge, and she had to press her mouth over his shoulder to silence the sounds she couldn’t hold back anymore. It didn’t take long for Tommy to follow her, his hips jerking as he spilled himself inside of her.

The world stood still as they stayed in each other’s embrace, Tommy’s cheek brushing against hers. He buried his nose in her dark hair, inhaling her lavender scent. For once, his head was silent. No nagging thoughts, no shovels against the wall. Just peace.

Nina gently stroked the back of his head, breathing deeply as her heart slowed down to a normal rate. Fuck, she had never felt anything like that. It had been… intense. And it had tied her to him more than she could’ve ever imagined. It was scary, to be so connected to someone. To feel someone that much. That was the right expression. She felt him. As if he were part of herself. As if there had been an empty spot inside her soul, and she had lived with it all her life, only to find that it was him the missing piece.

A sudden blast of cold hit her when Tommy got up, depriving her of his warmth and weight. She watched in confusion as he disappeared in his private bathroom, wondering whether something had happened. She sat up on the bed, bringing her knees to her chest. Had she done something wrong?

However, she didn’t need to worry for long, cause soon Tommy walked back into the room, with his private parts now covered by a pair of briefs and a fresh towel in his hand. Without saying a word, he climbed back on the bed, smiling softly at the puzzled look on her face. Slightly embarrassed now that the disinhibition brought by the feverish state they had previously been in had faded, she felt her cheeks grow hot when he gently spread her legs apart. He delicately ran the towel over her sensitive skin, cleaning her up from the sticky mess between her legs, his eyebrows knitted in a concentrated frown. Once again, his attentiveness made her heart skip a bit, and she was amazed by how easy it was to let him take care of her. She never let anybody take care of her.

As Tommy discarded the towel somewhere on the floor, Nina’s attention was caught by the blood stain on the white top sheet. Shit. She got up to remove it from the bed, doing her best to ignore what she’d prefer would stay tomorrow’s problem. “I’ll have to take care of it in the morning,” she murmured.

Tommy laid on the bed again, then reached for the cigarettes on his nightstand to light one. He watched her as she looked for her nightgown among the mess of clothes on the floor, naked, with only her long, ruffled hair to cover her a little. She was quite the sight.

Much to his dismay, she soon found what she was looking for, and covered herself. He exhaled a cloud of smoke, motioning for her to get back in bed, having had enough of having her away from him. “C’mere.”

Nina gladly took her place back next to him, resting with her head on his chest as he draped an arm over her shoulders. She could’ve stayed there forever. But she knew that it wouldn’t be long before the sun made its appearance on the horizon.

They stayed in silence as Tommy smoked his cigarette, his fingertips mindlessly grazing her arm. He didn’t want to think about tomorrow, or about what would happen next. He wanted to stay in that moment while he still could, because he knew he wouldn’t get it back. That thought stung. But he was aware they needed to have that conversation. This time they couldn’t just pretend nothing had happened, and the sooner they talked, the sooner they would clear things out.

“Nina,” he whispered, but no reaction came from her. She had fallen asleep.

Tommy stubbed his cigarette in the ashtray, then turned the small lamp off. He didn’t have the heart to wake her up.

They would think about it tomorrow.

NEXT CHAPTER

Heart, Body and Soul tag list:

@zablife @queenofshinigamis @raincoffeeandfandoms / @justrainandcoffee @call-sign-shark

@kmc1989 @babayaga67 @kmhappybunny240 @diorrfairy @mariaelizabeth21-blog1

@gaslysainz @brummiereader @loverhymeswith @fairypitou @prettywhenicry4

@mysticalbouquetwolf-posts @woofgocows @girlwith-thepearlearring @goblinjnr @outlanderuniverse

@citylights31 @neonpurplestars89-blog @outlanderuniverse @red-riding-wood @evita-shelby

@look-at-the-soul @gathania93

General tag list:

@iamngoclinh08 @lilywinchesterlove @fandom-puff @capitanostella @caelys

@lucillethings @peakyxtommy @queenofkings1212 @lyarr24 @kmc1989

@call-sign-shark @ce1iat @red-riding-wood @optimisticsandwichgladiator

[djevelbl]

hear me out y'all:

THIS rendition of Sincerely Me (which is GREAT btw) - but it's the LifeStealers--

[beanghostprincess]

I've been thinking for a while about why I like Sabosan so much as a ship (even though I don't talk much about them. My mistake, honestly. I should do it more). Because we all know that out of the ASL brothers, Ace and Luffy are the ones who seem to make more sense when it comes to shipping them with Sanji. But there's just something about Sabosan that makes me go insane...

(Long post)

Lusan is quite obvious: Captain x His cook. Cook who starves as a metaphor for selflessness and who's always giving instead of taking x Captain who devours the whole world because he appreciates selfishness and freedom but is willing to starve to save his cook. Careless x Anxious. Sun x Ocean. Both are always sacrificing themselves but Luffy is at least aware of the value of his own life while Sanji sees himself as dispensable. They both work so well together because Luffy sees Sanji as kindness itself and what a cook truly needs to be (keep in mind that food is crucial for OP's story and it represents happiness most of the time) and he makes him want to seek freedom and his own desires. Sanji is a dreamer and he's hopeful yet extremely pessimistic when it comes to his persona, and Luffy is equally as hopeful but he despises his nakama seeing himself as unworthy of being in his crew. They both get each other's weaknesses and strengths and, okay, Luffy might not truly get Sanji completely but he doesn't need to as long as he sees the kindness in him and realizes everything he does, he does it for others. While Sanji sees Luffy as an escape from the prison he's always been locked in. My beloveds. Perfect dynamic (not going to make a whole analysis because I already talk about them enough here).

The thing is, Ace is also a perfect match for Sanji for a lot of reasons: You see, I think we can see a lot of similarities between them, especially the ones Luffy can't understand by himself but can link to both. Ace's way of dealing with depression and self-deprecation is to lean on his brothers and find a reason to live on them. If they love him, then at least it will have been worth it being alive. The same thing goes for Sanji, I think. It's not that he's actively suicidal. I don't think either of them seeks death, but they do think about it a lot and what the world would be like without them. Sanji sees himself as dispensable while Luffy can't believe a word he's saying, but Ace? Ace understands. He's been years thinking he shouldn't be alive. That he was a mistake. And the same thing goes for Sanji, growing up in a family that constantly told him he shouldn't exist and even faked his death. Once again, same thing with Ace and hiding his identity from the world. Ace knows he's loved, even if he has a hard time admitting why people like Sabo and Luffy would love him. But they do. It's a fact, even if it's hard to believe. And he keeps going thanks to their love and to protect them. Ace, although his personality might seem cocky and selfish and careless at first (which it is, but you know), he's extremely selfless when it comes to the people he loves. He literally lives thanks to them. Sanji basically does the same thing. Both of them cope with sabotaging themselves and they don't really value their lives unless it's someone else (cof cof Luffy cof cof) the one giving them a reason to keep going. I think Acesan works great as a ship because, from a more psychological point of view, like- Ace was born to be a brother. His whole character is created and introduced as Luffy's brother. Of course, he's more than that, but his chill and laid-back personality with sprinkles of emotional maturity only comes from growing up too fast because he desperately needed to take care of his little brother. Sanji desperately needs that type of connection with somebody and instantly feels attracted to protective people because he has never been protected before. Sanji has only been hurt by his brothers, so of course it's natural that he's astonished when he sees Ace for the first time being oh so kind and loving to Luffy. That's what he wanted. And it makes his heart melt instantly. Besides, going for a more personality thing here, Sanji is pretty repressed (when it comes to his memories. His gender. His sexuality. His feelings) while Ace (although he hides a lot of issues) is wayyy more proactive when it comes to what he wants. Sanji is scared to walk on earth, and Ace takes the world as his personal playground because he wants to be something that people remember that won't include mentioning his father. He wants to do something for himself. And talking about fathers, even if their daddy issues aren't the same, they both have grudges. And you know what else they have in common? Their gorgeous, blonde, dead mothers who died for them. Instant bond. They fit perfectly.

Now, about Sabosan:

If we're starting with the things they have in common, this is gonna be a wild ride. Both are nobles born in a family that absolutely did not love them but wanted them anyway for different (failed) purposes. They both escaped from those families but people thought they were dead for a long time, and their parents easily just found a substitute for them without caring much about what happened. Saying they have trauma is an understatement. They both escape from those lives completely, form new bonds with new people, and start a family somewhere else. And then they have to deal with that again and, not only that but suffer from the beautiful survivor's guilt that comes from not being able to save their siblings. I know Sabo's survivor's guilt is even worse because his bond with Ace was way stronger, but I think there's a part of Sanji who feels awful for Reiju and what she chooses to be a part of when she's actively different from their brothers too. Once again mentioning the self-sabotaging behavior and self-sacrificing acts because they're extremely selfless and have strong morals that lead them to these things. It's fundamentally different because I think Sanji is way more of a feeler than Sabo, but-- But the core of their personalities really is being extremely protective of the things they love and their ideals. It's not only the fact that they could bond over their pasts (and could easily be the only people understanding each other completely) but also the fact that their personalities fit perfectly. They balance each other. They're not the most mentally stable people in the world, but I think Sanji's issues are more similar to Ace's, and Sabo would know how to handle them. While Sanji is a natural caretaker and would not hesitate to take care of Sabo's breakdowns and episodes (because, sue me for being realistic, I think this guy has a personality disorder and depressive episodes and a bunch of other stuff. Just like Sanji, really. I mean- To me they're a very people pleaser BPD haver who has probably an eating disorder and anxiety x very overprotective Bipolar insomniac with memory issues. Maybe that's just me and my headcanons).

I am not going to be a nerd about them. But I am going to be a nerd about them. *pulls out MBTI profiles*

Sanji prioritizes connecting with other people. He's extremely empathetic and his core needs are to be liked and to help others. His ideals are focused on the suffering of others and how to help them. He's very structured when it comes to what he wants to achieve, but he often puts others before his own needs instead of actually taking what he wants, and that affects him negatively. Not to mention his sense of depersonalization and hatred towards himself and where he comes from. And how that makes him sabotage himself and think he's not worthy of the love people offer him. This is kind of exactly what Ace goes through too and that's why I think Sabo would be able to help him. He's loyal and trustworthy and he would do anything for his loved ones and morals. Something that, again, matches Sabo completely. His sense of ethics is very intense and focuses mainly on empathy. He seeks love, attention, and praise from others. And he's also extremely hopeful for his dreams. He never stops believing in the All Blue or Luffy, just in himself. Which shows his sense of trust and loyalty but also his low appreciation towards himself.

Sabo, on the other hand, is a more meticulous person. I know he seems like he loses control often, but he doesn't follow his feelings as much as it looks. He's more logical and he doesn't follow what he wants but what he thinks it's right for others and society. That being said, he also will do whatever the fuck he wants if he feels like it because he's chaotic like that. He has very strong morals and focuses on finding solutions to the world's problems. Instead of focusing on one thing, he sees the whole picture and specializes in many things at once and chooses what to fight for instead of following his feelings. He often has to make difficult choices regarding his loved ones, and even if he would do anything if Luffy was in trouble when it comes to the greater good, he doesn't hesitate to do what's more reasonable regarding his ethics. However, he has a strong sense of protection and his anxiety also is a huge part of his personality, so that's pretty much when he loses control. He feels mostly responsible for what happens around him and always wants to be the one in control and fears losing the ones he loves.

The main difference between them, I'd say, is that Sabo is pretty much revengeful and his personality has a strong part of hatred towards humanity and the ones who have hurt him and society. His whole thing is fighting against them, too. Unlike Sanji, who even if he is able to hate people, he doesn't seem to be able to actually hurt them in a meaningful way because his kind personality makes him unable to do so (unless the people he's fighting go against his morals. Like having hurt a woman or wasting food or whatever). Not that Sabo isn't kind, but he knows how to stand up for himself and his morality and he can tell perfectly between right and wrong in a very black-and-white sense, while Sanji (even if he goes to extremes quite a lot) lets himself be used and he doesn't harm others the way they harm him (not to confuse with "played with" because Sanji is not that easily manipulated. He knows what's going on all the time. He just lets himself be used if it will protect the ones he loves or if it goes against his kindness and morality).

So I think (and this is the part where I explain how this relationship would work) that Sabo would be able to protect Sanji. It's not that Sanji needs protecting because at the end of the day, he can fight back and he can stand up for himself, but that's only when it comes to fights that don't have to do with him personally and only with his morals. Sabo has a very calm facade. A very gentleman-like personality, even if he's still as chaotic as his brothers. But he's more gentle. He's softer, too, in a way, because he analyzes what people need. He approaches things in a very protective but soothing way. Like, he could burn disgusting men alive for Sanji, turn around at him and say everything's fine and Sanji would straight-up believe him and then blush uncontrollably and then hit him for being reckless. In that order. I don't think Sanji likes feeling weak, because he has this thing in common with Sabo in which he doesn't like not being in control. But I think he needs this. He needs to be held and taken care of sometimes. He needs to let himself be weak around others. And Sabo wants somebody to protect because he couldn't do it with his siblings. I think Sabo would be gentle and patient with Sanji while also bringing silliness and the typical brightness the ASL brothers have in common. He'd be chaotic with him and Sanji would definitely get mad at him for stealing food or wanting to do the deed (keeping it safe for work my pals, but yeah, Sabo would be horny 24/7 and would not let Sanji cook. He wants to fuc-) while he's busy. But! But also Sabo would take care of him and would analyze the patterns. He would notice when he eats. What he eats. If he eats at all. He would worry about his sleep schedule and whether he's overworking himself or not (because surprise! He does the same thing). And Sabo would also love every part of him and have such deep hatred for the ones who have hurt him. I think Sabo would want to take revenge but Sanji would strongly refuse and Sabo would absolutely love that about him. "You're better than me, I would've set your family on fire. But this is what makes you so kind" type of thing. Basically, Sabo is fucking batshit crazy but he's silly and kind and talks like a revolutionary French man in the 18th century and Sanji loves him. Also, Sanji has a history with craycray people because Pudding is not okay mentally either and look at him, being down bad. Sabo loves Sanji for the same reasons Luffy does, he's just kindness itself and Sabo is so full of hatred that he truly, really needs somebody like him.

And Sanji? Sanji just absolutely loves how protective Sabo is. When it comes to his family and his friends and his morals and beliefs. After being surrounded by people who did not care about anything during his childhood and also being extremely scared of ending up being like them, Sanji appreciates that strong sense of protectiveness and the humanity that comes with loving something/somebody so much. That's what Sanji needs, basically. Sanji likes that Sabo is caring and gentle and always keeps an eye on literally everyone and everything. He likes the brightness and joy that comes with Sabo too, because he might be calculative but he's also impulsive when it comes to his needs and likes. Luffy might be the representation of liberation in a godly way, but Sabo is the realistic personification of freedom. And as much as I love Lusan and making religious imagery metaphors, I think those fit Zolu way more because Sanji needs to be realistic with this and Sabo is the one who can make him see life this way. He would also care a bit too much about Sabo's health because everyone knows it's fucked up and he's willing to die if it's for the revolution. It's not like he doesn't appreciate his life, in fact, he does. He knows he is crucial to society and can't die. But if it's for the greater good he would leave Sanji and Koala and Luffy behind and die. He doesn't want to do that to them and he'd desperately try not to because he values his worth, but... Y'know. It's not that he doesn't care about living, but he cares too much that he ends up hurting himself and overworking. And Sanji does that too, but seeing it from the outside with an empathetic personality like his is just... Painful.

So while Sabo shows Sanji how to be free and feels hatred for the both of them, Sanji is the kindness in the world Sabo is looking for and gives him something to put his mind at ease when it's filled with demons. And also, they get each other's pasts and trauma on a fundamental level that not a lot of people do.

I don't know how their relationship could start, really, but it could happen in a simple way such as: Sabo pays a visit to the crew (fuck the timeline btw, choose whichever arc you like or just ignore canon) and meets Sanji. Offers to help him cook (fails because he fucking sucks at cooking and he just wanted to help and actually he just ends up flirting with him and eating the ingredients) and stays with him to clean the dishes (something he can't do either because he won't stop talking and being overly distracted). And Sanji just- He's just so similar to both Ace and Luffy but in a more mature and gentle way, somehow? He brings peace to him but there's just something wrong with him deep inside Sanji can't quite catch, but feels connected to. Like they both just get each other, pretending they're fine but knowing they're not and also just enjoying each other's presence. Sabo feels captivated by the cook because he feels like there's just so much more he's hiding from him, and Sabo has always liked analyzing every little thing (<- writer behavior. We as a society need to talk more about how Sabo wants to be a writer canonically). Maybe Sabo starts visiting more often or stays for a while, but the thing is they grow closer because they keep wanting to know each other more. Perhaps a fight against some marines happens and Sabo goes full protective of him or Luffy and Sanji is extremely turned on by that (who wouldn't after seeing Sabo break skulls like eggs). And maybe they end up fucking, and it's not rough, but it's not extremely soft either? It's the perfect mix of possessiveness and care and somehow Sanji still feels in control all the way through. And I don't want to mention the cigarette of doom but Sabo lighting up Sanji's cigarette for him would be extremely intimate but also would make Sanji worry because every time this happens, he ends up creating a strong bond with that someone and something goes wrong. So they like each other a lot but there's always this layer of anxiety? Like they care too much for the other to say what they are but they refuse to lose each other. And Luffy either keeps telling Sabo to not still his cook or teasing Sabo for liking his cook, no in between. But yeah, let's make them go into a relationship:

Clingiest mfs on planet earth. Can't stand them. Sanji is down bad and is turned on by every little thing Sabo does but also can't stand him when he gets annoying and ends up yelling at him like an angry housewife. Sabo often takes that as flirting and starts teasing him more, being really into PDA and also being extremely soft. Sabo says the most romantic things in the world and expects Sanji not to fall for him??? Okay. But it's not only Sanji who blushes because then he keeps feeding Sabo his favorite food and smiling at him and Sabo suddenly feels dumb and weak in the knees and has the need to laugh like a high school girl in a rom-com. Sabo is extremely possessive and I think as a fandom we all agree on that, but it's not even in a toxic way. Sanji likes it. Let them be like that. And as I said, they'd take care of each other when one is overworking himself or having nightmares or not being able to sleep or function properly. They'd be each other's anchors and they would completely understand the other.

I don't know, I just think they fit perfectly <3 Killer Queen and Good Old-Fashioned Lover Boy? Yes. Anti-Hero and Mastermind? Yes. Sky x Ocean? Of course, fuck other dynamics, this one hits different. They mean the world to me 🩵💙🩵💙🩵

To end this, I gotta say that they also look extremely hot together. I think the post would've been shorter if I just said I want both of them to kiss because it would look good, but I love analyzing the shit out of my favorite characters.

Tagging my awesome mootie @tinukis because he gave me the idea for a Sabosan analysis!!!! Thought you might be interested <3 Also, here's the post that made me think about it !!!!

[wreedenthusiast]

Y'know, back when I first watched the show at 12 years old, I really hated Luther. But now as an adult rewatching the series for the first time in years, I can't see why I ever felt such a strong way about him! He's just a silly monke guy who likes to play by the rules! Not to mention plenty complex and layered as a character!

Overall, I was too harsh on this guy. He's a silly, silly man :)

[vegaseatsass]

(SMYM spoilers)

RIP Director Somsak, your first love begged Doctor Kan to kill him and you spent the next decade grieving and grudgy, your last love killed you. for Doctor Kan.