#I AM being self indulgent to be clear. the real story is way better than the And Then Everyone Lived thing I made up in my head lmfao

[criticalrolo]

self care is coming up with THE Most Self Indulgent AUs and drawing little pictures to go along with the dumb stories you write for yourself

[prinvessdior]

after 8 months I have returned to u, and all I can offer u is vaguely self indulgent blonde lego man 😞 we’re going to also ignore how this was SUPERRR impulsive

sorry for the mostly word vomit of me going crazy but if I did not write at least SOMETHING for this man I think my brain would’ve gone boom still getting back into the swing of things (as always) but please enjoy!

Might’ve been under the influence of a green plant aswell

brief summary: Lloyd breaks down ur window in the middle of the night cuz he wants to watch the stars with you, but you’re the only star in his sky teehee

WC: 850 (ish, tried to get to 1k 😞 didn’t make it)

Tap. Taptaptaptap.

‘nope. better not check that’

Being rudely awakened around midnight wasn’t something most people would appreciate. In the darkness I groaned shifting around in a crumple of sheets and blankets.

sweet silence once again, I blinked back against the darkness of my room. Already awake by the noise, I just got to sleep too. Sighing into the welcome silence. it was probably too early to be alive anyways, eyelids drifting shut once more, lulling me into a peaceful slumber.

Taptaptap THUD.

“GOD- Okay!”

Fumbling, I threw the covers off my body standing on shaky, tired legs as I pushed back my bedhead from my face trying to get some semblance of what was happening anyways.

There were a few more taps at my window as I cautiously made my way towards the haunting item.

‘Okay rationalize first actions second. You live on the second floor so obviously no one is at your window. No plants grow up this high either. Oh what if..’

no that’s silly ghosts aren’t real.

Deciding to give up on rationality, I stepped in front of my window pulling back the curtains quicker than I really should’ve.

“Ah, darkness.”

“Wow, that’s kinda hurtful.”

“OHMY GOD-“

I’d know that voice anywhere, though not at midnight, when my brain is barley working and I’m still reeling in how the hell did my boyfriend get to my second story window.

oh yeah. Ninja. Whatever.

unceremoniously, I threw myself back from the window arms shot in the air not expecting my damn window to respond to me.

“Window god I am sorry for disappointing yo-“

“Can you just let me in please?”

I skipped giddily back over to my window, deciding to ignore my former embarrassment to instead unlock the window for Lloyd, still clad in the green ninja gi, hop down from my windowsill.

“Missed you,” he sighed out dreamily opening his arms to welcome me into a hug. Happily, I extended my own to wrap around his torso as he brought me in close for a much needed hug.

He sat his chin atop my head his arms winding around my waist and resting there comfortably, we stayed like that for awhile. The only noise being the ticking of the clock next to my nightstand and our mixed rising and falling of our chests.

Slowly, I could feel myself falling asleep once again it’d been so so long since I’d seen Lloyd last. Despite how badly I craved to soak up all his attention like a sponge, how warm he was how it felt to be held again by him was too nice.. yeah this is home.

“Are you sleeping standing up?”

“No.”

he laughed, like really laughed the kind where you snort and have to hold a hand up to your mouth to cover the strength of your giggles.

I whined at the loss of his arms falling towards him onto his chest to steal more of his warmth.

“Don’t fall asleep just yet, don’t you wanna go on a ride?” Lloyd asked as he snuck a finger under my chin to tilt my head up to face him, he was smiling. He’s pretty.

“Huh?”

I tilted my head not quite focused on whatever he was saying, he snorted in amusement. “It’s really pretty on the mountain, plus it’s a clear night and we can take a drive up there to stargaze, maybe if-if you want.”

Yep. Totally awake!

I smiled wrapping my arms around Lloyd’s neck especially because of how by the end of his suggestion the tips of his ears turned pink and his pretty green eyes tore away from mine for a moment.

“Yeah, lemme put on better clothes and I’ll meet you.” I nodded pointing down to the pajamas I was still currently wearing, Lloyd’s gaze followed my finger and I had half a mind to curse my half awake brain.

“Oh- yeah Kay.”

He released me with pink cheeks turning his back to me to face the window, I could only giggle at his back and I saw his shoulders sag slightly at that as I made my way to my closet. Well.. these clothes aren’t that bad just a jacket and well, shoes.

“Alright!”

I announced returning dutifully to Lloyd’s side interlocking our fingers together, “Ready?” He asked as he looked down to our joint hands back to my face with a bashful smile.

“Yep! I’ll tell you all about the stars.” I mused dramatically turning to unlock the window with my free hand, though I missed the soft sigh and murmur that passed through Lloyd’s lips as we made our descent.

“Luckily, I have my very own.”

[sleepingdeath-light]

relationship hcs ; astarion

requested by ; mod / self indulgent

fandom(s) ; baldur’s gate 3

fandom masterlist(s) ; here

character(s) ; astarion ancunin

outline ; “dating headcanons for astarion”

note ; i have never played this game and am going completely off of the clips and guide videos i’ve been watching pretty much nonstop for the past week so apologies if my characterisation is at all shaky in this piece

warning(s) ; brief references to canon torture, self worth struggles, and other related angst �� but otherwise mostly fluff!

when it comes to being in a relationship with you — a real relationship, that is, and not the act he was putting on to try and manipulate you at the start of your journey as a group — astarion is, for lack of a better analogy, very much so a fish out of water

and, thankfully, that’s not something he’s ashamed or scared to admit to you, so the early days of your relationship are filled with a lot of trial and error as you navigate your new dynamic and he adjusts to being permitted to make his own decisions and set his own boundaries

some things definitely come easier than others for him — namely verbal shows of affection like using pet names for you or being playful or flirty whenever you’re together; things that are more instinct than anything else, but no less genuine in their use

as one might expect, astarion does also use quite the variety of pet names for you — to the extent that your friends have a running joke about him not actually knowing what your real name is (which he always refutes with about as much sass as one might expect) — with his main terms of endearment being ones that he settled into using early on like ‘darling’, ‘beautiful’ (or ‘handsome’ if that is your preferred term), ‘my dear’, and, when he’s being a bit of a tease, ‘my little treat’

actual physical intimacy, however, is a much different story given his rather unfortunate history with his body and how he was forced to use it by his tormentor

of course he knows that you’re different, that you’re not like cazador or his ilk, but that doesn’t make those old habits any easier to break, nor two hundred years of trauma easier to shake from his mind — love and patience can only go so far, after all, and those memories and their effects on him won’t just vanish overnight

so, naturally, that means that adjusting to physical touch unrelated to sex is a very slow process for him — though he’s thankful to have you there with him throughout

there are a few things that he learns he really quite enjoys and makes that abundantly clear to you when you’re together: kisses, gentle touches to the hand, and hugs, mainly

oh and his kisses are truly marvellous once you help him accept intimacy unconnected to sex — they’re soft and sweet but no less passionate for it, starting off with a brief peck before he turns his head and gently (oh so gently) grasps your chin or cheek or neck and pulls you closer to him, almost as if you’re melting into each other as the kiss either deepens or makes way for a string of chaste pecks before you eventually pull apart for whatever reason

he also always makes sure to sooth any places he’s bitten with some apologetic kisses once he’s had his fill (as well as plenty of compliments on your person and about your blood)

his other favourite places to kiss you are either on your hands or wrists (the gentleman that he is): the insides of your wrists, the tips of your fingers, each of your knuckles in sequence, the backs of your hands, your palms when you cup his face in your hands — truly the list is endless and he delights in finding new ways to fluster you and make you smile

shit talking and gossipping amongst yourselves is extremely common and astarion has mastered the art of saying just the right thing about someone he doesn’t like just loud enough for you to hear at the perfect time to make you laugh (or try your best to cover said laugh if you’re currently talking to the subject of said shit talking)

when it comes to sleeping arrangements, astarion just loves being held (but not too tightly so he still has the freedom to get up and walk away for whatever reason if he needs to), but the specifics of the position don’t really matter to him — he’s just as happy to have you laying on his chest, or him on yours if you’re larger than him, as he is to cuddle you on his side (though he does secretly prefer to either be the little spoon or to have his face level with your chest when you’re both on your sides as it makes him feel safer, though it will take him a long time to ever even consider admitting to that)

he is naturally very protective of you and has been known to pull a dagger on anyone he deems as a threat to you — which is very beneficial in combat scenarios or situations where you are actually at risk, but a bit inconvenient when you’re trying not to draw any attention to yourselves and the issue is just some drunk that can’t keep quiet (still not good and something that should be called out, but perhaps not worth having to leave the town you just got to early as to avoid getting charged with yet another crime)

he doesn’t quite know what to do with himself whenever you’re unwell for whatever reason (especially if it’s something a healer can’t contend with) because it’s been centuries since he’s experienced any sort of illness so he can’t even really empathise with you about your situation — he tries his best, of course, but it’s easy to tell that he’s really out of his depth

no matter how long the two of you have been together, astarion still melts whenever you ask his permission to do the smallest of things (like asking if you can kiss him or hold his hand, for example) — but he melts even more when you accept when he declines for whatever reason becaus the novelty of being respected and loved without expectation or conditions never really wears off for him and he appreciates it all just as much as he did the first time

[a-lil-perspective]

70 Encouragements/Tips For The Writer:

A/N: Rules don’t exist. These are real and personal and stem from a deteriorating, exhausted Writer who is here to tell you (and herself) that you are amazing and keep going. I hope you find some encouragement within.

Your mental health comes first and foremost.

Indulge and embrace your creative writing pieces when they come (and when they don’t). Especially when they don’t.

Suffering from Writer’s Block or fluctuating hyperfixation? Me too. So is your favorite author. Welcome to the Writer’s Block Party (all my uwus if you see the pun).

Did you spend five hours on this one segment, forget the last time you ate, develop chapped lips, dry eyes, and a stiff back (time to get up and move), bang your head on the wall, laugh, cry, fidget, take your ADHD meds, deviate to watch YouTube, have an epiphany, curse in frustration and wonder why the hell you do this to yourself? Congratulations, you’re a Writer.

Embrace all the not-so-glamorous sides of writing, and accept the fact they’re going to happen time over again.

When you say “just one more line” and it’s 2:00 AM, I’ll be here to remind you to “go to sleep” (because I’m also depriving myself lol).

Actually, sleeping helps your mind feel refreshed, and it’s good for your health. If you’re struggling with a particular segment, one of the best things you can do is just put a cap on it for the time being, put in a placeholder, and get some shut eye. I know you don’t want to. But you will feel so much better and have more clarity and energy to continue when you wake. Trust me.

More often than not, those words you “just didn’t write down fast enough and now forgot” end up revealing themselves to you later in a much more profound way. Give the words time to get ready. They’re just spiffing up before coming to visit. :)

Be proud of yourself and your prose. Writing is an amazing part of who you are.

That trope has been written 1000 times before? Make it 1001.

You’ve already written this scenario? Write it again.

You’ve just written a single sentence. Now sit back for moment and think: you just wrote something brand new, never before seen. Nobody out there will ever write that sentence or formulate those thoughts the exact same way. You are a unique, mind-blowing, awe-inspiring human being.

Bask in the excitement that comes with a completed piece. Reflect on what you learned throughout and celebrate the little victories.

Don’t be afraid to ask for feedback, but also understand that you might not always get it, and that is OK.

Please re-read your work. Be gentle with yourself. You had to write that very first piece to get to where you are now. Love the process.

Your personal writing success is not based off of kudos or likes or reblogs.

There is no right or wrong way to write.

There is no such thing as “good” writing.

Improvement is becoming of everyone so get comfy, strap in. The journey of a Writer is a lifelong one. Here’s to many more works ahead.

Don’t mourn the words you did or didn’t write. Celebrate the ones you will.

One day, you’ll read a piece that will blow you away—and it will be yours.

There is nothing “shameful” about reblogging your own writing works.

I promise you’ll find your “wow” piece—either in something you’ve already written, or something yet to come.

Baby. Please don’t write out of spite. You’re better than that.

You are just as valid/deserving as the next Writer. And you do belong.

If you feel sad/unworthy when sharing your works or interacting with others’, get to the root of why. Writing should be fun, rewarding, and relaxing. Not shameful, embarrassing, or a chore.

Writing (fanfiction, specifically) is labeled as “transformative works”. Self-explanatory, right? However, if you notice the transformative part begin to have a personal effect on you—a negative one—it’s time to take a step back.

Right now, I can name a single quality you possess: diligence. How do I know? Because you’re a Writer, and the two go hand-in-hand.

Got that single scene in your head but you haven’t completed or even began all the chapters preceding? Bruh. Jot that down right now. You don’t need 20k words beforehand.

Embrace your writing mood swings. The stray, sweet and condensed blurbie. The ideal, bridging drabble. The solid, substantial oneshot. The hefty, elaborate 10k word chapter. Appreciate everything in-between, and that you are capable of all of it.

Nobody remembers that extra word or typo or stray speech mark back all the way back in chapter 3. Tell the little monster in your head to go to hell.

You’re not a weirdo for making facial expressions and mulling through your dialogue aloud. You. Are. A. Writer.

It’s OK if the Readers can’t always see exactly what you envisioned in your head, or the full extent of the picture you painted. We all see colors differently.

Don’t be afraid to experiment with your writing.

In fact, challenge yourself to dabble into a new plot/trope/concept every day, even if only for a few minutes. You may discover you love writing it.

There’s no rush to finish/begin any written work. If you take your time, you will make your mark. You’re not falling behind or running late. Slow down and wait for it. :)

Three cheers for hiatus.

Listen to your body and mind, know your limits and when it’s time to take a break.

Actually take a break. :)

If you feel like you’re falling stagnant in creativity, looking to/revisiting other forms of creative media can help encourage the flow.

Ask for encouragement, and be at peace with asking.

Take shelter in fellow writers. Uplift each other always.

You are/will be someone’s favorite author. :)

You don’t have anything to prove. You have something to share.

Someone is thinking about your work right now.

Someone started a series because they drew inspiration from you.

Personal writing style can reflect a lot on the state of one’s mental health. Try to always be attentive to that of your own.

Self-validation must be cultivated early on or nothing will ever work.

Freestyle every once in a while. Write a snippet, timed, and go—without editing. Write the first thing that comes to mind and go from there. Do it all the way through the set time. When it stops, you’ll find yourself unable to. 3,800 words here we come. :)

Not everything needs an outline. :)

It is completely normal to write your story out of order.

Create guidelines for yourself. If they aren’t working, toss ‘em.

Word vomiting can help you feel better (it’s just how it sounds). By clearing all those jumbled thoughts and scattered concepts, you achieve a clearer objective. Try it sometime.

A rough draft is supposed to be rough.

Sometimes the words come to you quicker than others. Be patient. That is merely the construct of a Writer’s mind. You’re a beautiful enigma.

A sentence written is a story progressing.

Writing is an endurance sport. You must pace yourself and exercise it daily.

You are still a Writer even when the words aren’t on the actual page.

You’re not obligated to a writing/posting schedule.

As you progress in your journey and gain more awareness, don’t sacrifice your style. Those beginning works are what define you. Hold onto them and don’t ever let them go.

You’re the only one cringing—

Remember that sometimes words are elusive and you don’t always have control over them, and that is OK. Sometimes they write themselves. Sometimes your characters come to life and break out into dance across your page. Dance with them. You can wrangle them back when the music stops. :)

There is nothing condemning or embarrassing about asking for a beta. Allow someone to help carry the load.

Allow people to cheer you on—even if they don’t read your work.

It’s OK if your writing style isn’t someone else’s preference.

Be your biggest cheerleader. Sometimes you are all you have.

You don’t need anyone’s approval except your own.

You love that trope/concept/story you just wrote? That’s all that matters. The end.

You will never write good. You will write you. And that is good.

Above all else: remember to write for you.🤍

[tokoyamisstuff]

Meant To Be - Loki x Fem! Reader

Summary: Much to your displeasure, your parents have promised you away to the God of Mischief of all people.

Tags: Arranged Marriage AU, Light Elf! Reader

Warnings: Aside from Loki hating himself, nothing.

Words: 2878

I Masterlist I

A/N: Some good old-fashioned, ‘redeemed after The Avengers and the other movies didn’t happen’ Loki. Like, really cheesy, self-indulgent 2012 stuff. I just want to ignore all misery that happens in the series okay?

“Ew! Stop it!”

You were eight at the time when you and Loki first met, by means of negotiation between both your parents.

If only you knew that this encounter should be the first impression of what should be your husband in the near future...

Frigga and Odin could only plead for their son to be on his best behavior - but well, it’s the God of Mischief we’re talking about. Must be hard to inherit such a title from your very birth.

Just when you put the little bonquet of flowers he had picked up for you towards your face to admire it, several little spiders emerged from the blossoms.

“You’re no fun.” The raven-haired boy stood a safe distance away from you, arms crossed as his gleeful laughter turned into a broad sulk. "And your ears are weird.”

“I hate you!” you screeched in your childish rage, throwing the flowers to the ground and trampling onto them. “Where’s your brother? Thor is way nicer than you!”

“Well, why don’t you marry him then?!” he mocked to cover up his hurt pride, picking up a handful of dirt and throwing it in your direction. 

“I don’t need any friends anyway...” the little boy whispered to himself, running away from the scene with tears filling the corner of his eyes. 

“I don’t need anyone. I’m way better than all of them!”

Not even Frigga was fast enough to catch up with him, while Odin uttered some fake apologies to your parents, promising them that everything will go as planned.

You on the other hand were running towards your mother, tightly grabbing onto her dress. “He’s mean! I wanna go home!”

As Queen of the Light Elves, your mother was a being full of grace and composure - and you were hoping to one day become such a formidable person as well.

She bowed down to your height, petting your hair as you rubbed the mixture of tears and dirt from your cheeks. Just her bright smile alone would sometimes be enough to make you forget about your worries - but not today.

“My sweet child” she cooed, cradling you in her arms. “One day you’ll understand.”

However, this would be the last time you paid Asgard a visit - at least until now. Because no matter how deeply you wished to never meet him again, the words your mother spoke on that day haunted you all those years:

“For this is your duty as a princess.”

[Present Day - Asgard]

It felt so unreal when you stuck your head outside of the wooden carriage, the wind playing with your hair as your glare wandered over the rainbow bridge you were crossing.

Silence strained the air, your parents unable to do even so much as look into your eyes. Hel, how you wished this was only a dream.

Behind you was a whole company of Light Elves, transporting all of your belongings to what should be your homecountry from now on.

Now there was no way back, that much was sure.

You were supposed to meet your soon-to-be husband on that very same day, one day before your wedding to be precize.

One could only guess why you weren’t allowed to visit Asgard again for all those years, even though you were practically born just for this reason - for this person.

To become Loki’s bride was your involuntary purpose, and you couldn’t help but wonder what it would be like to be truly free.

Maybe your parents thought the God of Mischief to have a bad influence on their growing daughter, pulling you into his harmless yet dishonorable schemes. Or they simply feared you to refuse marrying said man if you got to know him better, finding out just what kind of person you were promised to.

Not that your parents were pleased either...everyone in the Nine Realms knew the stories.

To Odin, there was no point in hiding the disgrace his adoptive son had brought over Asgard. Not only was he responsible for an attack on Midgard, sacrificing thousands of lives for his own sake, drunken by greed for power.

But all of you were shocked to hear that Loki Odinson - or rather Laufeyson - was never Asgardian to begin with.

A Frost Giant.

Among your kind, they were known to be one of the most terrible abominations in the nine realms, and murderer of countless of your kind - and this should be the father to your future children?

Only thinking about this cruel twist of fate made you want to vomit...

So why did you agree to proceed with the preparations as if nothing had happened? How in Alfheim’s name could you reject their offer to wed you to Thor instead of that lunatic?

Was it that through your upbringing and royal duties, you had lost your own free will? Or simply fear of stepping aside the path that everyone had prepared for you?

It was probably the fact that you didn’t want to get into true love’s way...you and Thor stayed in brief contact through Heimdall, and you just knew how much that human girl meant to him.

You were kinda jealous, though...the concept of being in love was foreign to you, having a vague idea of it from novels only. But real life just wasn’t meant to be that was, was it?

You couldn’t escape your fate, that was what it was - for this treaty would unite both kingdoms, bringing peace and wealth for all of their inhabitants.

No way you could be so selfish as to decline...even if it meant you had to suffer for the rest of your life.

“My Ladyship, we have arrived!” a guard spoke as he knocked on the carriage door, with your parents hinting that you needed to step out first.

The very same guard now yelled from the pit of his lungs, making you feel the whole Kingdom of Asgard could hear. “Now arriving: Lady Y/N Y/L/N, eldest Princess of Alfheim and heir to the throne.”

You heared the people whispering as you took your first, insecure steps, blinded by the bright daylight.

“She’s so pale, like ice” or “Why are her ears like that?” were rather nice comments compared to others plainly calling you ugly, scary or a ‘disgrace’.

Of course your Kingdoms had been in a war for several decades, but this was long in the past - before your very birth, even. So what’s the reason you should bear with such hostility in the place everyone expected you to call ‘home’ from now on?

One thing was clear from the very beginning: You would never belong here.

“May I?” a dark, husky voice interrupted your self-pitying. You blinked heavily, still trying to adjust to all those golden surroundings, until your blurry vision finally cleared up.

“C’mon.” The voice belonged to the man in front of you, looking gravely nervous with sweat dripping from his forehead. He was reaching out a hand for you to take, and you gladly accepted since you didn’t want to embarass yourself further by falling out of the carriage.

And still, you managed to somehow miss a step and fall right into his arms. “Oh my, so clumsy” the man snickered as he catched you, clearing his throat as you grabbed onto his chest to regain balance. "Not very graceful for someone of your status.”

“And you are-” The words got stuck in your throat when you stared back into those eyes, their emerald green awaking memories you’d rather forgotten entirely. “L-Loki!”

“Exactly, my dear. The one and only.” Smooth and calm, he  pecked a kiss on the back of your hand, andyou couldn’t help but admire just how well he had aged: His wild locks were combed back, sharp features complimenting his face as he tried his best to give you his most innocent smile.

Yet you kept your guard up, always expecting him to somehow embarass you just for the fun of it. “When it comes to him, always expect the unexpected” Thor once warned you, and you won’t forget about it that easily.

“It’s a pleasure finally meeting you” was your firm declaration, only to be rewarded with a scoff. “You are speaking to the God of Lies, Lady Y/N - there is no use in trying to deceive me” he whispered into your ear, making you shiver in unpleasant anticipation.

“Carry her belongings to my rooms” he dismissed the servants with a simple gesture of his hand, offering his other arm for you to cling on as he escorted you through the palace.

The giant halls were almost empty, nothing like back on Alfheim where you and your brethren would enjoy each other’s company in midst of nature. A sole tear escaped your eye when you thought back to those carefree days, which are now over.

“Are you alright, m’lady?” Much to your surprise, your fiancé sounded honestly concerned about your well-being. “If you are tired, we can postpone our tour of the palace until you’ve rested.”

 “May I speak from the heart?” You gulped after finishing that sentence, scaring yourself with all the stories you’ve heared about this mad troublemaker.

Somehow you had the feeling that if you were to overstep your boundaries with that brute, it would have consequences beyond your imagination. He might seem generous and polite right this moment, but what would someone like him do if you enrage him? Countless images were circling in your head, one worse than the other.

Loki furrowed his brows, exhalinge deeply. For him, your expression was an open book to what you were thinking right now.

“Y/N, my dear Lady, if you want it or not: Starting tomorrow, we share a bond. I am deeply sorry that a veritable flower as you are had to end up with someone like me, but I promise to treat you as well as possible.”

Turning around so you’d not detect how it hurt him to speak from the heart, he added with a shaky voice “Yet there is no reason for you to hold back your hatred for me. No harm will come your way, I swear upon the little honor I have left.”

Even though his words made you feel a deep sympathy with the god, you weren’t quite sure if you could decipher truth or deceit in them. Maybe he just wanted to lure you into saying what you truly thought of him?

He’s right - you will have to spend the rest of your life with him, so don’t mess this up from the very start!

“I-I don’t hate you!” was the first thing you blurted out, grabbing onto his cloak. Loki turned around, rising his eyebrow as he scanned your face for any hint of a lie.

Althrough it was the truth, at least to a certain extend. You’ve seen each other only once, when you were still little. The rest is all tales and rumours, but you personally don’t have a reason to despise him.

There was no way you could promise to accept his past or heritage, let alone forgive him - yet as long as he’d treat you with respect, you’d return the favour.

“T-There’s just a question on my mind this whole time...aren’t you mad? I-I mean someone like- well...like you...” you gestured around awkardly, almost making him crack a smile. “I mean...I thought you wouldn’t let your parents dictate your life.”

Another deep sigh escaping his mouth, this times with his eyes closed. “This isn’t about Asgard or my adoptive parents. I choose my own path.”

Suddenly, Loki wrapped one arm around you, flicking his fingers with the free one.

“Hold onto me” he ordered indifferent as he casted his spell, teleporting both of you away before you could even comprehend, let alone ask him what he was doing.

It happened in the fraction of a second, yet felt like hovering through an empty space for an eternity.

“Now open your eyes.” You hadn’t even realized that you squeezed them shut during the shift, slowly opening them while Loki lifted your chin with his index finger.

The environment was magnificent. Had you ever seen something this beautiful in your whole life?

Obviously you had no clue where you were, but this was the first time seeing so much untouched nature on Asgard. There were flowers blooming in all colours imagineable, clear rivers crossing the lands in between grassy hills, and animals nearby a small forrest.

“It’s not like I didn’t educate myself about the Light Elves and their way of living” Loki stammered, unconsciously intertwining your fingers with yours as he watched you admiring the view. “So I could make you comfortable here, I mean.”

He plummeted down on the grass, still a little wet from the morning dew, and gestured for you to do the same. It was weird, actually, but also somehow adorable - how the infamous ‘Silver Tongue’ had lost his ability with words. “I’ve done very little right in my life full of wrongs. Hurt a lot of people.”

“Mmmhh” you hummed approvingly, not knowing what else to say - yet for some reason, you didn’t let go off of his hand, squeezing it ever so slightly.

“And even though I can’t possibly redeem myself, I wish to change for the better.” he muttered, rubbing the back of his head. “I just never knew how to start.”

Loki Odinson really was full of surprises. He was nothing like the child you’ve met long ago, and the complete opposite of what you imagined the ‘God of Mischief’ to be.

You had expected a power-hungry, selfish and cruel man to wed you - and yet there he was: Insecure and broken, only a shell of the person he once was.

Just what had you missed all those years? What things happened to break someone’s will like this?

And was he truly beyond repair?

“Those past weeks, I have visited Alfheim more times than you could comprehend” he giggled nervously, avoiding your eyes. “Concealed, of course.”

Well, that sounded kind of weird, but you knew better than to talk someone down who was just opening up to you. So your sole answer was “What for?”

“There was no way a criminal like me would still be seemed fit for this ceremony - and yet I was given this chance anyway. My mother told me that it was you who insisted on carrying on the arrangement, so...I just wanted to know what person would be willingly ruin their life.”

Something different was shining through the god’s orbs, and you couldn’t quite decipher it. Was it hope? Hope, that if you had given him a chance, his life could lead into a different direction? To change himself from the burden that was his birth title?

“I-I guess I don’t want to mess this up like I always do” he whimpered barely audible, before staring at you in shock and embarassment. Until now, he hadn’t realized just how vulnerable he made himself.

Just what the hell would you think about him now? You probably had lost any respect, or thought himself to be crazy. How weak...

So he was quick to put on the confident facade again, wearing his smug grin as if that all was just part of a big joke only he’d understand. But even though you barely knew him, he couldn’t fool you.

“Sometimes it’s enough just to try.” Your head turned from the sight of nature to your fiancé and back several times, before you brought up the courage and put a hand on his shoulder, whispering “So you can’t really mess this up.”

“Gladly you don’t seem to know yet just how much misery I cause.” He kept that thought to himself, to not scare you away.

“I am aware that you could never love someone like me, Y/N. But I can provide for you, dedicate myself to making you content with being my wife. My newfound purpose.”

The purpose of a war criminal - that sure put yourself under a lot of pressure. And still, it made you somewhat proud, and grateful as well. Because it was the first time someone valued you as a person, and not the princess of Alfheim.

Unaware of how much time had passed, both of you would get used to each other’s presence in silence, enjoying the nature while you processed this eventful day.

Exhausted from the long travel and all that rollercoaster of emotion, you soon found yourself dazzling into sleep onto Loki’s shoulder. If only you could see him adore you, staring in awe that someone could actually feel so safe in his presence.

Carefully, the god picked you up, gently lifting you on his arms to make your way back to the palace, where everyone was frantically searching for both of you. Well, Loki was used to trouble -  but right now, it was worth it.

May it be right or wrong, and even though you couldn’t explain this sentiment, you had a good feeling when it came to the things that were just about to come.

“You won’t regret your decision, Y/N Y/L/N. On my side, I assure you a bright future.”

[fandomfixationstation]

Warning: mention of death of a loved one.

Todays concept is MC gets a call that like their parental figure has died one way or another and this upsets them greatly because one, they aren’t there to help with anything two, the only people there to do anything are their siblings three, they considered said parent a angel or a blessing by god (optional/bonus points if said parents name means angel-)  They don’t say anything at first though they seem rather angry and now one can figure out why. then they hide and have a mental breakdown to cry in hopefully but unlikely peace.  now I shall write the response headcanons / scenarios or whatever I will do Update: well I didn’t write a scenario / short story bit for all of them because i ran out of energy to do so and then i never went back to it, though if anyone begs or askes nicely I could in theory maybe work something out. this was something self indulgent and was something i wrote to really get me out of a bad headspace.  Lucifer

He is the first one to realize something is wrong, especially if they aren’t a very angry person. 

probably doesn’t get to ask about what is going on because he is forced to deal with something else and rather quickly

though when people start inquiring where they went after lunch, finding it unlikely that they would randomly choose to skip class or something he makes his goal to find them.

Probably doesn’t take him long to find them after he starts looking. gets it in the first three guesses of where they are hiding.

“why are you hiding here with Cerberus?” Lucifer said with a bit of amusement. he figured he would find them here with his dog. just not curled up and cuddling. 

“wouldn’t you like to know” was all they uttered out, having no real energy to argue, or fight. though it was clear they had been crying their eyes out. 

“well something is clearly upsetting you, why not talk about it. nobody else is here to listen in” Lucifer offers to lend an ear to listen to their problems. he was also hoping that by doing so he could get to the root of the problem and deal with it. expecting that he was going to have to knock one of his brothers into line again. 

“I just received some bad news. that’s all. also, I’ll be otherwise located Friday, so like, don’t worry if I’m not around on Friday, I will be back like Saturday, so there is that” They explain, clearly not wanting to get into the details of the so called bad news.  

“otherwise located?” Lucifer inquired as to what the hell they meant by that. 

“yeah, um, I will be visiting - visiting the human world for the day.” visiting might not be the word they were looking for but it was the word they went with nonetheless. 

“your visiting the human world?” Lucifer was surprised to say the least. especially considering he wasn’t hearing about this till now. 

“yeah, i was talking to Diavolo not long ago to make sure it was alright” with a sigh the were back to melting into the side of the dog. 

“normally you are excited to visit the human world, what happened” lucifer wanted to get to the root of the misery they were feeling and he wasn’t gonna sweep this under the rug.

“for fuck sakes, you really aren’t gonna leave me alone till I say it huh? my parent fucking died. are you fucking happy, lucifer? Jesus Christ.” doing everything in their power to hold back a second wave of tears as they add on “my blessing of a parent died. can we drop the topic now?” they said clearly not wanting to hear anything come out of lucifer's mouth as they hardly give him the chance to speak. 

“ah, I see, my condolences” Lucifer was trying to figure out what to say at the same time he was trying to figure out how to cheer them up or at least make them more comfortable. “do you want some Kleenex? how about some water?” lucifer inquired simply.

“water would be nice.” they let out a sigh. 

“im sure your parent was a lovely person. I think it is safe to assume that they’ll end up somewhere where they are safe and happy” Lucifer states simply as he holds a hand out to them to help them to their feet.

“I have no doubts about it. so you don’t need to tell me twice. it just. . . hurts” They says rather quietly. Accepting lucifer’s hand and pulling themself to their feet. 

”go take a seat in my office, no one will bother you in there. I’ll join you soon enough with your glass of water.”  Mammon

This man probably thinks he did something wrong, spends half the day trying to figure out what he did

if its not that he is trying to figure out who pissed them off and who he should be yelling at.

he hates to admit it but he doesn’t like seeing them angry or upset. 

is probably gonna be first to realize that they slipped of to somewhere and start trying to find them right away. 

after checking a few other areas, Mammon finally considers they might have just gone home to hide. knocking on their door and slowly opening it mammon calls out into the room “Oi, human are you in here?”. 

“Go away Mammon” they were heard but very muffled as they had encased themselves in several blankets, clearly sounding like they were crying. unless they choose to eat gravel or something. 

“what’s got you so bumbed out?” Mammon said fully entering the room now know that they were in the room and completely ignoring their request to go away. 

“I said go away, I don’t want to talk about it” They said pulling the pillow to their head in hopes to block out more of the world. so that they didn’t have to look up and face the fact they were a hot mess. so mammon didn’t have to see them like this.

“no! the great mammon isn’t leaving till you say what's bothering you! that way I can fix it for you!” Mammon declared boldly. goofy grin on his face hoping that his optimism would help cheer them up. 

“you can’t fix this. you cant bring back the dead. well unless you use necromancy, but. that's never worked out” They had let out a dry laugh for saying all of this. but now they were holding back tears trying to not cry their heart out for a second time.

“oh human...” Mammon was at a loss of words, though to be fair he didn’t get the time to form a full sentence. 

“I’ll never get them back. they were practically an angel” they sniffled, trying to not sob. “my parent died mammon. what the fuck am I going to do?” they didn’t really expect an answer from mammon. 

“Listen here, the great mammon will deal with all the technical talk, and will make sure you can go to the human world long enough for you to do what you need to. but till then and maybe after, I’ll be here for you.” mammon explained simply. 

after letting out a chocked sob they reached out a hand and grabbed onto mammon's arm. “thank you” they sobbed out. mammon just sat there and patted the blanket pile gently trying to give as much comfort as he could. 

“do you want a hug?”

“please-”

Leviathan

since he hides away and does online classes (Correct me if im wrong) he might not even realize something is going on

unless he messages them and doesn’t get a response. 

will ask if the others have seen them and like will try to figure out where they were last seen.

eventually puzzles together that something is wrong and he should look for them

Satan

He although wrathful himself, isn’t able to see through the anger and might be a little annoyed about them for being so.

though he does understand that there is probably a reason for them being upset. he’ll do his best to figure out what caused them to act this way.

he’s stubborn and straight forward, he’ll probably be direct and ask what is wrong and wont leave till he gets an answer.

or he might occasionally bring it up and keep getting updates with how their doing kind of thing.

doesn’t really have to seek for them when they hide away because he watched them slip away and got worried and followed them

Asmodeus 

he is very quick to realize something more is going on, something more than meets the eye. 

probably doesn’t directly do anything at first other than same some sugar coated words in hopes it cheers them up.

when that doesn’t work, he gets very worried and tries to convince them to do somethings to ‘take your mind off of things’ 

knows exactly where to look to find them. first try!

Beelzebub

one of two ways, he either doesn’t notice anything for the first little bit, or he has a strange feeling nagging him that something is wrong and he tries to figure out what.

once its clear that they’ve disappeared he is quick to start looking, might take a while to find them because he is gonna check everywhere to find them.

bear hugs no questions asked, will try to comfort to the best of his abilities. 

will ask them what they want to do after a while to see what he can do to make them feel better

Belphegor

tbh honest probably knows something is up right away. 

with either avoid it entirely or bluntly ask what is wrong

if he doesn’t get a direct answer or is shooed away he doesn’t have the energy to push for the truth, might be a bit annoyed.

once he hears that they have gone missing it probably wont take him long to find them. 

will sit down next to them and be like ‘now will you tell me what is wrong?’

Solomon

since he doesn’t have the same amount of time with them he may not notice at first. or he does notice ASAP because holy shit what happened why are they so mad.

might try to inquire what is wrong and like use his natural charm to try to cheer them up. 

when he hears they are lost or missing ect. he uses magic to find them as quickly as possible. 

will do a bunch of considerably silly and goofy things trying to get them to smile or laugh before trying to get them to talk about whats bothering them

Simeon 

doesn’t take him long to figure out something is wrong, just one look and he knows

but other wise, he’ll simply ask if you want to talk about it. when bluntly rejected he’ll leave them alone

they go missing during the day? maybe it was worse than he first realized, he’ll go looking for them.

will find them within the hour, maybe a half hour if he’s lucky. 

mans will try to comfort them any way he can.

_____________________________________________________________ sorry, for not doing Diavolo, luke and barbatos, i just didn’t really have the time to do them nor could i figure out how to do ones for them so like aihogdsifh sorry. but i do hope you enjoy this post nonetheless. 

[pleasereadmeok]

This ‘Wonderland’ Interview to promote A Single Man is a gem.  Matthew Goode is a bit of a handful and swears his way through this interview with his mate Nic Hoult.  It’s very funny.  It’s often quoted (including his description of Colin Firth’s kissing technique!) but it’s difficult to find a clean scan of the whole interview.  This scan (from Natalie/ Fairchilds on ohnotheydidnt) isn’t very clear to read so I did a transcript several years ago - here:-

Wonderland Interview

Based on the 1964 novel by Christopher Isherwood, A Single Man marks the screenwriting and directing debut of fashion icon, Tom Ford.  Having debuted earlier this year at the Venice Film Festival to a standing ovation, the film has continued to impress audiences during screening at the Toronto and London Film Festivals.

Joining lead actor, Colin Firth, on screen are fellow Brits Matthew Goode and Nicholas Hoult who discuss the film, Tom Ford and being British in LA.

ON A SINGLE MAN

Nicholas Hoult: The only time I saw Matthew was when we were getting our spray tans.

Matthew Goode: Which were more regular than we were expecting.  I got on a plane with Colin [Firth] and then literally the moment we arrived, got in the car together, went to the hotel and suddenly – it’s like ten thirty at night – we have to go to Colin’s room where we’re having our spray tans .  Colin Firth is in his pants, I’m in my pants and it stays that way for an hour whilst we wait for this stuff to set.  He’s fucking great.  I love Colin.

We [Nic’ and he] never had a scene together but we were there the whole time.  I was only really fitting in around these guys.  Nic had a damn sight more to do than I did.

NH: No I just did more.

MG: [Laughs] It was a really fun shoot. I mean, maybe I’m looking back with rose tinted spectacles, but …

NH: It was a good fun shoot. Everyone enjoyed it.  I remember the night in Venice after seeing it in front of all those people and just lying in bed thinking ‘that’s something I’m proud of’.

MG: It’s seriously impressive. You watch it and you care and, it doesn’t happen to me a lot, but I watched it and thought ‘I’m in something that doesn’t stink!’.  I’m proud of that.

NH:  That’s a nice feeling when you’ve done something and you can say ‘yeah, proud of that’.

MG:  Fucking hell – sorry to interrupt – but I was reading a magazine or a paper or something the other day and it said “A Single Man obviously being screened and whenever Nic Hoult was on screen there were gasps over his beauty” [laughs]. And I was thinking, fucking Hoult is going to LA and get so laid! [Laughs]. He is going to be turning bush away left right and centre!

NH:  It’s all down to the fake tan again.  That’s where the performance stems for me.

MG:  That is a review!

NH:  Nothing about the acting, right?

MG:  They didn’t review the film.  It just said “I saw it.  I’m going to be reviewing it at some point, but let me tell you there were gasps over Nick Hoult’s beauty!”

ON TOM FORD

MG:  Tom is immediately interesting. If it’s all about someone’s cannon of work then most of the time you wouldn’t work with a first ime director, but if the script is good and you have a chat with them and they know which end is up and which is down, then great.

NH: I didn’t know who Tom was when I met him.

MG: Nick “fashion forward” Hoult!

NH:  I’d gone over to LA got off a plane and had dinner with him.  And I asked him how he’d got into directing and why he was doing this!

MG:  I love that.  Isn’t that great?  And that’s also like Tom.  He’s not the sort of person who is like, ‘well fuck you!’.

NH: He explained very humbly what he had done and I thought OK.  And then I looked him up after dinner and was ‘oh jesus!  He’s actually accomplished quite a lot’ so probably quite a stupid question, but he was very honest and modest and made a great director.

MG: It’s so good.  And so good for Colin.  And Julianne [Moore] is bloody great in it as well.  But the real star of it, it has to be said, is Tom. It silences immediately the people who were going ‘you self indulgent cunt.’  It’s like two massive fingers up to them as it is very, very accomplished.

NH:  It’s very personal to him as well.

MG:  Hugely personal as the main story sort of mirror images the relationship between him and Richard.  There’s a similar age gap.

NH:  He would always say my character is him when he was 18.  He’s connected to every character and he knows them.

MG:  And he wrote the screenplay and it’s starkly different from the book.

NH:  Matthew’s read the book, so –

MG:  That’s right!  I have. It is different.  I am always about the script, really.  But one of the really nice things about being involved is that it is a love poem to Tom’s partner, Richard.

NH:  Tom is very good in the sense that he is an actor’s director and knows what he wants you to do but is very giving to let you go off and explore things and try stuff out.  And you don’t feel too much pressure of failure.

MG:  That’s very true.

NH: ‘Cause the second you’re on set – especially when there’s only 20 days to shoot – to not feel the pressure, that’s a good atmosphere he created.  Something his assistant was saying the other day was that he’s very good at holding his hands up and would admit when he wasn’t sure what he was doing and kept everyone on side and made it a really great team effort.

MG:   I love it when someone’s like that.  It’s so far away from self indulgent as well when someone’s shooting into the 19th hour of the day and the ship isn’t sinking, but there’s a leak and it’s far better to say we do have a leak and I’m trying to sort it out rather than leaning on one side and saying everything is fine.  He is fucking great.

ON COLIN FIRTH

MG:  Colin was great.  I knew he was going to be good.  The moment I read the script, I was like, ‘this is something you haven’t done in a long time’ – just something he could really get his teeth into.   He’s such a subtle actor and it’s been a long time since I can remember him having something that central and serious.

NH:  It was a great moment when we went to the Venice Film Festival and got the message Colin was winning the best actor award.

MG:  I know.  The previous evening we had sat there and we knew it had gone down well because there was a NINE minute standing ovation.  And particularly when you’re not in the film as much as I am, then I feel like a fucking charlatan.  I stood there and am looking down and smiling and embarrassed.  Colin’s quite emotional and I tell you what – four minutes of a standing ovation gets a bit uncomfortable, but NINE?  ‘OK, Colin… fucking move. Let’s go. Let’s leave.’ And he couldn’t tell us that he had won and so he was being shy about it.

NH:  Yeah, he kept it very quiet.

MG:  The moment we found out and we were on the boat we were like ‘What the fuck?  You’ve won and you didn’t tell us!?  And he was like ‘ I know, I didn’t wanna.’  He was humble.

NH:  It was great.  It was a bit of an odd first day like you had in the sense that I had to strip off in front of Colin on my first day.  It sounds a bit seedy when I say ‘strip off in front of him’.

MG:  It does!

NH:  It’s part of the film, I swear!  And it’s handled a lot more tastefully that that might seem, but yeah it was a bit of an odd first day.

MG:  Everyone is going to say ‘oh it’s a gay movie’ which we then counteract with ‘no it’s not, it’s a film about love.’  But there is nudity and a bit of man kissing.  Frankly Colin kisses like a nymphomaniac on death row, but it was a real pleasure!

NH:  He’s got a lot of love!

ON JULIANNE MOORE

MG:  She’s a fucking hero.  She’s lovely. I didn’t have any scenes with her. I mean I’m only in flashback, so all my stuff was with Colin.

NH:  All my stuff is with Colin as well.   The first time I met Julianne was in Venice.

MG:  Yeah, she was probably in the middle of juggling six projects or something, you know, she never stops working.  She came in and shot two scenes, which were about 20 odd minutes of the film, and they did that in two evenings so she was in and out.  I never got a chance to meet her until I was at some party in LA and she is just fantastic.  And she’s married to a guy called Bart Freadlich who is a director in his own right.

NH:  He’s a hero.

MG:  He is actually fabulous!  My girlfriend spent the whole evening calling him Bert instead of Bart and he was like ‘you know, actually I prefer Bert!  Don’t worry about it’.  He’s lovely. They could throw their weight around, but they are actually family people and live in New York – they’re kind of anti Hollywood.

ON THE LIFE OF AN ACTOR

MG: There are a lot of Brits and Aussies at the moment who are working.  I don’t know what that means.  But we never think of ourselves.  When you get off the plane and you’re in America they ask ‘what’s the best thing about being a movie star?’ I am a jobbing actor, they have no idea! They make it sound like I get 500 scripts and am sitting there going through them all. If something comes up and they are stupid enough to give it to us or you love the script and audition but someone of a huge stature can come in and take it like Brad Pitt. Or Judi [Dench] – we’ve been up against each other a couple of times.

NH: I’ve never lost out to Judi yet.

MG: Only in a drinking contest! The vicious alcoholic that she is!

NH: Sam Worthington was telling me when he was in LA someone asked him why there were so many Aussies over there doing so well and his response was that it’s an awful long way to go to fail and not give it your best shot, basically.

MG: Oh. I was expecting some sort of knob gag in there, but yeah.

NH: It’s very true. I just got back from LA and every TV series has an English guy in the lead. Joseph Fiennes, Matthew Reece [RHYS]

MG: We’re good. We’re quite good…

N H: I can’t say it’s the training, because I don’t have any.

MG: You’re doing well! You make people gasp! You complete cunt. I hate that!

NH: You’re coming across very eloquent.

MG: That’s very nice of you.  OK, who used to live with Ewan McGregor and Jude Law and he has a TV show? You’re right about that. Though it makes it sound like ‘Oh you’re English.  Have a TV show’.  I’m sure they all have about ten auditions.

NH: I had an interesting day recently when I was at a BBQ and Jimmy Page and Roger Daltrey were there.

MG: Wow!

NH: I sat there and was very quiet because I thought if I speak to them I’ll make a fool of myself so it’s best to keep out of the way and then they can’t have any bad thoughts although they probably didn’t know I was there.  But I knew they were there so it was a good BBQ for me.

MG: I’d love to learn guitar. It’s one of those things I’d love to do. Though it’s not like I don’t have the time…

NH: [Laughs]

MG: I’d like to know all the chords.

NH: It’s difficult to get the fingering right… That’s what she said.

MG: And back to Dame Judi!

NH: [Laughs]

MG: It depends if you have a high action or a low action in terms of the strings.  It hurts. You’ve got to build up the calluses. If you get a low action one that would be easier.

NH:  Are we still talking about women?

MG:  Yes! [Laughs] I remember Billy Crudup got the part in Almost Famous and he had lessons with Peter Frampton but had to have lessons on the side because Peter was like ‘you are fucking terrible’. But that’s one of the nice accidents of the job is you can get training in things. And random travel.

NH: I got to do archery.

MG: You did! That was The Weatherman!

NH: No, for Clash of the Titans. I didn’t use it once.

MG: Oh yes, it was the daughter in The Weatherman.

NH: Yeah man, keep up.

MG: Sorry mate. That’s how pretty you are. I confused you with the female lead.

NH: He’s seen all my work.

MG: I have! I’ve got to learn how to do it. You are a master.  I did a Spanish film and it was all in Spanish [!] – I learnt it phonetically. Jesus, that’s my only skill.  The major skill I picked up is I can pay my rent. The older you get the more you realize there are a lot of people who hate their jobs.  I’m so glad I’m not – ha!  Famous last words! – it does seem to be going OK for now.  But bringing it back to what do you like about acting – to be honest, everything.

ON BRITISH TALENT

MG:  I think there is an element that we’re just so happy to work.  Certainly as for getting into film it was such an accident because I hadn’t worked in front of a camera.  For a while it was like what is the secret code to working on screen?  I have no idea what it is… but even ten films in I’m still sitting here renting and not owning a house.  I think that keeps you grounded.  As opposed to some American actors who are on a hundred thousand dollars doing some TV.

NH:  You don’t get comfortable so you feel you’ve got to keep on striving.

MG: I think we’re overrated. [Laughs].  There is an element over there if you walk into a room of Americans that they’re suddenly like ‘oh fuck they’re British and we’re steeped in tradition.

NH:  It’s odd that Tom got so many English actors for the film – we’re both playing American.

MG:  And Julianne is playing English.

NH:  it’s good he trusts in us to pull of the American accents.

MG:  Yeah, I mean – idiot!  In fairness you’ve done it before and I have done it a couple of times.  But it is odd.   If you think who he probably could have had –

NH:  He probably could have done better than us!

MG:  I’m sure he could have convinced someone with a much higher stature.  I think it was just we were willing to work for free, effectively.  And that’s also what makes Britain great.  We want to work and we want to please the director and often at times, yes we might have strong thoughts on character and script, but we turn up and are like, this is your vision and you are the director and we know where we fit in. Certainly the Brits, I find, we want to be told what to do or how it’s going to work rather than, ‘I’m the fucking star!’ I tend to find we leave our ego at the door. We tend not to pussyfoot around. We all like a drink. We’re steeped in that tradition as well. There’s a certain forbidden thing in America if you drink you’re an alcoholic. No I’m not, and I generally wait until at least half past one.

NH: On weekends. Weekdays, 11.

MG: There is a reason pubs are opened at 11 and it’s because you are allowed to start drinking at that time. Otherwise, they wouldn’t do it! Christ, can you remember back to when – you might not remember, actually. I gasp at your beauty as I try to remember!

NH:[laughs] I’m never going to live this down!

MG:Do you remember when pubs shut on Sundays at, like, 1 for two or three hours? Maybe I’m showing my age now. That is fucking madness. There would be a riot now.

NH:  So basically, we haven’t found a conclusion to what makes Britain great…  You’re a big X Factor fan though, aren’t you?

MG:  My girlfriend loves it.  She’s got me into it.  I mean it’s fucking hilarious.  You literally sit there and you don’t know any of these people but the music comes up and they get selected and you can be in tears and so happy that these people have been selected for the live shows.  I really like the over 25’s this year.  They’re fucking great.

NH:  Matthew Goode on The X Factor!

MG:  ‘He’s very much into the over 25s and what is funny is they are all male’.  But it is great.  But then it’s such a machine.  There is such a turn around.  Sometimes the winner gets completely forgotten and they have no career and then, obviously, sometimes they go shooting up.  But it is great telly!  Saturday night, a couple of beers and The X Factor.

[Pics - My edit of Ben Rayner photos/scan by Natalie Fairchild.] 

[drivingsideways]

Hey talk to me about your top three favourite kdrama women. What makes them special? What's a fic you would like to write about any one of them?

Mystery anon! :D What a lovely ask. 

I’m going to cheat a bit and divide my answer into characters I loved a lot, but do not want to write fic about, because I think the canon gives me what I need; and characters that I loved a lot but NEED TO BE RESCUED ZOMG.  (My fic writing impulses are 50% spite and 50% fix-it )

Caveat being that I’ve still watched only maybe a dozen kdramas, so I’m pretty limited in my knowledge!

Characters that I love a lot, but have very zero fic impulses toward:

Han Yeo-jin from Stranger/Secret Forest: What a delight! What an iconique character! Is there anyone like her? NO. LSY-nim gives us a delightfully complex character, and Bae Doona knocks it out of the park in every single scene, so I’m just happy to be along for the ride. I think what makes Yeo-jin special for me is the intrinsic place of empathy that she operates from.  I think “righteous” is a word that often comes with negative connotations (self-righteous, for eg), but I do think she’s one of the most righteous-in-the-good-way characters I’ve watched in kdrama or any drama. I’m tired of stories that portray goodness as “boring” , as unworthy of narrative breadth or depth, and I love that Han Yeo-jin comes to us like a breath of fresh air in our particular dystopian narratives hellscape. She’s good, but never naive. She’s righteous but never cruel in her moral certainties.  I think that LSY nim, in the second season especially, gave Yeo-jin the kind of arc that character deserved when she’s forced to really dig deep into herself to figure out how she’s going to live in the world in the face of a deeply cutting, deeply personal disillusionment, and I’m really hoping for an S3 to see how that plays out further. 

Goo Hae-ryung from Rookie Historian: Ok, I will admit this may be rose tinted glasses view due to this show being my gateway drug into kdrama, but c’mon! She’s a reader! and a Thinker! And loves her wine! She’s plucky! She’s cute! She’s got a wry sense of humour! She’s got principles! She’s got a solid common sense to her that somehow doesn’t get in the way of her dreaming BIG! Oh dear, doesn’t she sound like the Mary-est of Mary Sues? Good for her.gif,  I say! Anyways, Shin Se-kyung is unutterably charming in this (AS IN EVERY SHOW OMG GIRL) and I just have a huge fondness for free-spirited heroines who get to tramp through the narrative changing the world as they do! 

Lee Ji-an from My Ahjussi: I’ve never had my heart broken more OR restored by any single character. IU is *phenomenal * in this, I think she really stepped up to what the script demanded from her. Ji-an’s weariness, her fear and vulnerability, her prickliness, her anger and her bitterness, and how, despite everything, she fights : GOD. Just. Again, what I love about the writing in this show is that it’s deeply empathetic without being cloyingly sentimental. I think a less, hmm, imaginative writer/PD might have focused on the Lee Ji-an the victim, and while the show definitely tells you in no uncertain terms that she is one,  of both circumstances and a cruel society, I think it refuses to take away her agency over her own life.(Lee Ji-an when we meet her is too busy hanging onto life by tooth and claw to indulge in self-pity, but we also see the toll it takes on her not to be able to say “this is too heavy a burden for me to carry myself and it isn’t my fault”; the show I think approaches Dong-hoon from the opposite side- his emotional isolation is partly a result of his own choices, but he doesn’t see it yet, and so his journey is also about letting people in and sharing the burden, but also recovering his own agency over his life. It’s an interestingly gender-bent arc, which is one of the things I love about this show. )

Ok, can I please add one more?

Hwang Han-joo from Melo is my Nature: She just felt SO real to me. She’s someone who doesn’t have the spectacular brilliance of either Jin-joo or Eun-jung, and struggles with accepting her limitations but not allowing herself to be defeated by them? I love her struggles as a mother, as a working woman in a sexist industry, a woman who’s perhaps having to rethink and reimagine what she wants from romance. I love that she’s a little silly, a lot kind, and an optimist, and just. I just think she’s the bravest of the three, tbh, and I LOVE HER AND I WOULD WATCH A SPIN OFF ABOUT JUST HER (i shouldn’t have faves among the three i know, BUT I DO, IT’S HER, IT’S HER.)

Ok! On to the next section! And I’m going to cheat again because I can’t stop at three. SORRY. NOT SORRY. 

Characters I love and SHOULD write fic for if I weren’t such a tired and lazy bunny:  

Song Sa-hui from Rookie Historian: Oh, girl, girl, GIRL. I love how she fights to snatch her freedom from the jaws of the patriarchy. I love that she unapologetically centers herself while doing that, because she knows that nobody else will.  I love that she’s prickly and calculating. I love that she’s smart and knowledgeable. I am SO HAPPY that she got to carve out a little bit of freedom for herself, even if it also is exile to some degree. She *should * be Emperor Jin’s Prime Minister and steering the ship of state, while also carrying on a tumultous affair with Queen Min Woo-hee, while ALSO commiserating with Emperor Jin about his boyfriend Historian Min Woo-won’s regrettable tendency towards Principles (TM) and masochism-but-not-in-the-fun-way. (This takes up much of his time which is why Song Sa-hui is running the country, of course. It works out well for all concerned, well, except her dad, of course.)

Song Ga-gyeong from Search:WWW: What’s NOT to love about our brilliant, beautiful, emotionally tortured gay icon? Nothing, absolutely nothing. I loved how the show allowed her to be flawed and make bad decisions, and then allowed her to make better decisions and regain control of her life. What I do need to do, of course, is see the CANON LOVE STORY between her and Cha Hyeon through to the end. It must, of course, include at least one baseball game, a lot of tequila and messy beach kisses. 

Oh Ji-hwa from Beyond Evil: Oh boy, this year’s runaway hit cleared the extremely low bar for standard crime/ thriller shows by leaving more than one of its female characters breathing and with all limbs intact, and got called feminist for it BUT it didn’t do justice to any of them in any meaningful way and that never hurt more than in the way they sidelined Kim Shin-rok’s talent by not giving Oh Ji-hwa anything much to do. She’s a tough as nails cop, a loving sister, a devoted but unsentimental friend-and by rights SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE HEROINE OF THIS SHOW. My secret fic fantasy is to rewrite the show entirely by making her , and the two other female characters in non-antagonist roles- Yoo Jae-yi and Im Sun-nyeo- as the central characters, as they investigate a serial killer who targets women.  It’s the only acceptable version of this done-to-death (ha!) genre, I have no idea what the Baeksang jury and tumblr fandom is smoking when they hype the show so much, I want none of it. 

Jung Sun-ah from The Devil Judge: I love her rage, her spite, her passionate defense of women, her style, her sexiness, her rage, her rage, her brilliance, her tenaciousness, her smartness, her clothes, her refusal to hate herself for everything she is and chooses to be, her ambition, her comfort wielding power, her EVERYTHING. Dead, her? NOT IF I HAVE ANYTHING TO SAY ABOUT IT. Here’s what *really * happened at the end of canon- she gets out of the building by planting that lady-like but still deadly gun against Kang Yo-han’s temple and making him lead her through his own “secret escape route” or whatever the fuck it was the show wanted us to believe. From there on out, it’s all sunshine and beaches, and scheming and waiting for the right moment to strike again-though of course, this time around, she also has to reckon with vigilant, tenacious cop Soo-hyun -another character who REALLY didn’t die for manpain reasons and had the good sense to leave her gay best friend to follow his psychopath boyfriend to Switzerland or wherever it is that star crossed lovers in kdrama land meet up on the regs these days- anyways, Soo-hyun and her are in this catch-me-if-you-can epic transnational honest and cute cop-and-beautiful sexy villain chase and yes, they WILL kiss (and more) AND IT WILL BE GLORIOUS. 

*whew *

Thanks for coming to my TEDTalk.

[twiceinadream]

“First time.”

Requested: Nope

Prompt: Alpha! Sana and Omega! Jihyo have their first time (G!P Sana). [High School AU]

a/u: So this is a bit of self-indulgent story so I hope you all enjoy! I love you all!

Category: NSFW and Fluff

Word Count: 4k

Jihyo breathed out a relieved sigh as she spotted her girlfriend at the end of the hall, skipping over to the older girl as she wrapped her in a back hug, “Hi, baby.” A smile grew in Sana’s face as she turned in the shorter Korean’s arms. Placing a kiss on her head.

“Hey, Hyo. I didn’t see you there.” Jihyo huffed out a laugh as she pulled away from the hug.

“Clearly.” They shared a smile as one of Sana’s hands subconsciously reached out to hold Jihyo’s as they stood facing each other, “I have something to tell you.”

The younger girl smiled brightly as Sana responded, “Is it that you love me?” There was a playful smile on her lips as Jihyo rolled her eyes.

“I do love you, but no.” The Omega quieted down a little as she whispered into the Japanese girl’s ear, “My parents will be out of town this weekend. Maybe we could…” Her voice trailed off at the end, too shy to finish. But Sana seemed to read her loud and clear.

“Oh,” A small gasp left the Alpha’s lips as her cheeks reddened slightly, “Oh!” A shy chuckle sounded as she took in her girlfriend’s even brighter face. “Ji, I’d love to! Friday night sound good for you?”

Her girlfriend nodded in agreement as the sound of a bell sounded again. “Oh, shit. I’m gonna be late,” Jihyo placed a quick peck to Sana’s lips as she began running off, “I love you!”

A small smile graced the Japanese girl’s lips as well. Watching her girlfriend’s retreating figure as she muttered to herself, “I love you too.” 

-Friday Night-

Sana waited anxiously outside the Park residence as she built up the courage to knock on her girlfriend’s front door. She held her duffle closer to her, trying to forget the box of condoms she had bought earlier this week in preparation for this night. Finally building up the courage to knock, it didn’t take more than a minute for the door to open and Jihyo to greet her Alpha.

A bright smile adorning the Omega’s face as she grabbed the Japanese girl’s hand and began leading her up the stairs and into her bedroom. A quiet calm surrounding the couple as the door closed behind them. A nervous breath falling from Sana’s lips as she eyes her girlfriend.

“C-can I kiss you? Now. This minute.” Sana suddenly said, sounding more like a command than a question. She didn’t mean to sound like she was ordering Jihyo but it came out that way. A faint blush covered Jihyo’s cheek, making Sana feel even more nervous than before. God, Sana. Calm down. Jihyo’s your girlfriend so stop sounding like a general or something. “I mean...please? Is that okay? To...kiss you?”

I sound like an idiot, Sana thought, biting her lower lips. Jihyo just made her head grow fuzzy and unclear. She never really had this much of a problem speaking. Yet the soft chuckle from Jihyo only lightened her mood. Looking up, Jihyo had such a soft smile on her full lips. The dark red color was alluring for Sana’s eyes. She loved how it fitted Jihyo’s style and Sana imagined kissing those lips already. Brown eyes seemed to glow a bit brighter as Jihyo stepped up to Sana, whispering, “Of course you can, Sana. I am your girlfriend, right?”

“Y-yeah.” Sana nodded, stepping up to Jihyo. Looking up into brown eyes, Sana felt an overwhelming need to protect Jihyo. In response, she wraps her arms around Jihyo’s waist, letting Jihyo rest her forehead against her. Bringing their bodies close, Sana slowly rocked their bodies in a slow and swaying dance. She didn’t even realize what she was doing. The Japanese girl was letting her body make the decisions and Jihyo didn’t mind the contact.

“Sana?” Jihyo says, sighing as her hands felt up Sana’s shoulders. Her inner omega was saying, Yes. That’s a real Alpha you’re holding. Sana’s a strong and worthy Alpha for you. “Do you love me?”

“Of course I love you, Jihyo.” Sana replies. Her hands linger around the small area of Jihyo’s back, her finger itching to massage Jihyo’s skin, yet she holds back. Jihyo was too overwhelming for her. Her nose smelled Jihyo’s scent, her touch felt like it was on fire every time she made contact with Jihyo, and her eyes could only soak up the vision of Jihyo. “I’m so happy to be able to have this time alone with you.”

“Me too, Sana.” Jihyo hummed, reaching up to cup Sana’s face. Their breaths mingled together, their faces growing closer. Their lips hover a bit. Lost in this silent word, the couple rocked against each other to silent music, content in their private world. The mess happening outside their world was nothing but a blur to their minds.

Sana stopped to whisper, “I wish I can show you off to the world.”

“I know you do.” Jihyo whispered back, her lips gently kissing on the outer corners of Sana’s lips, sighing into the heated contact.

Sana tightened her grip around Jihyo’s waist. “I just want to scream that you’re mine.”

“Don’t.” Jihyo whimpered, kissing Sana’s cheek as she pushed her body closer to the Alpha. “Not yet, Sana. Please? I just want to enjoy our little world with just us, for a little longer. No one knows except us, our little secret.”

“I know.” Sana groaned, hitching her breath as Jihyo’s hands roamed across her upper back. She lets out a soft, low growl. “I just need someone to know you belong to me. I want someone to know they can’t look at you the way I do.”

“I want no one but you.” Jihyo sighs, kissing along Sana’s jawline. As she kissed, she continued to mumble her words. “I only want you.”

Sana lets out a ragged whine, pushing her head to the side so she can kiss Jihyo’s exposed neck. When she does, Jihyo tilts her head so Sana can have more access to her neck. The Japanese girl moans, “It’s so hard. With everything that is going on, I can barely contain myself. You’re always on my mind. I just want everything to stop so we can be alone.”

“We are alone.” Jihyo reminded her. “Right now. It’s just you and me right now.” Jihyo leaned back to look into soulful brown eyes. “Me.” A small peck on Sana’s lips. “You.” Another peck on the lips. “No one else but us.”

Jihyo crashed her lips against Sana, moaning into the taste of her Alpha. Sana happily purred, feeling Jihyo’s passion through the kiss. Their lips rocked against each other, creating a symphony of music with their voices as they held themselves to each other. Jihyo palmed Sana’s blue top, ruffling it as it rose up the Japanese girl’s body. Sana found herself rocking into Jihyo, wanting more of the Omega’s touch and body heat. It was addicting. They were like a drug for each other and they ravished it with their lips.

Deciding to be more bold, Sana slipped her tongue out into Jihyo’s mouth, earning a whimper. It sent a spark of pleasure to shoot down Jihyo’s core as she welcomed Sana’s tongue. The invading tongue explored Jihyo’s cavern, dancing with her tongue as well. All that came out of Jihyo’s mouth was gasps and groans, followed by a string of needy whimpers.

They didn’t realize that their bodies stumbled near the bed. Jihyo fell back, followed by Sana landing on top of her. The impact broke the kiss. When Sana realized the position she was in, the reality of the situation started to hit her. She panicked, Oh my God, are we going to do it? Oh God, it looks like it. Jihyo is under me. Oh God, can I touch her? Should we keep going? Can I keep going? Should I ask? Is Jihyo even ready? Should I let Jihyo lead? Am I ready? Of course, I am. I wanted this for so long. Oh God, I should ask if we can keep going.

“Jihyo?” Sana began, looking into heavily aroused brown eyes. Meanwhile, Jihyo was thinking, Oh God, I should've showered before we did this. Should I ask her if I can shower before we start? Or will that ruin the moment? I mean we have been stuck in the desert for days so surely she’ll let me? Wait. Are we going to do it? Or are we going to stop? I don’t even know if Sana is ready. I should ask.

“Sana.” Jihyo says, looking up to big brown eyes. They stared at each other, lost in their own minds. Jihyo forgot what she was going to ask, as well as Sana. The idea of being in this position was mind-blanking to them. It was overwhelming. They were just stuck, unsure of who should start first.

Finally, after what seem to be a few minutes, Jihyo shyly looks away. She mumbles, “You can touch me, Sana.”

brown eyes linger at the loose jacket that Jihyo wore. Sana’s mind was already undressing her but her hands hover over it like she was scared she was going to hurt the jacket. Sana stutters, “A-A-Are you su-sure?”

“Only if you want to.” Jihyo answered, her eyes glancing at the nightstand besides the bed, a pack of condoms she had shyly bought at the conscience store.

“I mean...I’m not complaining.” Jihyo purred, feeling slightly shy as she pats Sana’s cheek so she would look at her.

“Me too.” Sana softly replied. Her hands still hovered over Jihyo, a bit nervous to begin any form of touching. The Japanese girl even started to shake a bit and Sana had to get off of Jihyo to calm her nerves.

This alerted Jihyo, who got up to wrap her arms around Sana’s shoulders. With a gentle voice, she says,“Hey, it’s okay to stop. We don’t have to do anything. I know you have a lot on your plate so don’t force yourself for me.”

“No, it’s not that I don’t want to do it. It’s just that I’m really nervous.” Sana admitted, pouting her lips. Jihyo resisted the urge to capture those lips again, feeling her heart melt at her adorable Alpha. “I never really had done anything like this. So...I guess I’m just nervous.”

Jihyo leans in to kiss Sana on the cheek, smiling into it. “Well, if it makes you feel better, I’ve never really done too much so it’s a first for me as well. I’m nervous too. I want our first time to be special and it already is.”

“Really?” Sana asked, looking a bit more hopeful.

“Really.” Jihyo confirmed, kissing Sana’s forehead.

“Then...can I touch you?”

The Omega lets out a small chuckle at the obvious, but considerate, questions Sana has been asking. Taking the Japanese girl’s hand and placing it on her chest, Jihyo purred, “You already are.”

Sana felt her mind go blank. Her hand palmed Jihyo’s chest through the jacket. Even though the fabric acted like a barrier, Sana could already feel how plump and perky Jihyo’s chest was. It was warm. It felt so real in Sana’s hand that she wondered if she was dreaming. Her hand wrapped perfectly around a breast and Sana wondered if it was bigger than what she thought, since she felt a bit of the fleshy mound spill out of her hand. It was hard to tell through the jacket but Sana was, nevertheless, more than excited.

Meanwhile, Jihyo started to unbutton her jacket, letting it fall off her slender shoulders where she wore a simple red tank under it. Sana’s eyes widen as the layers of clothing slowly fall off, like letting the petals fall off of a withering flower. Soon, Jihyo had her tank off, leaving her in her black bra. Before Sana knew it, in a flash that was off as well. Now Sana was staring at her half naked girlfriend. Her eyes linger on Jihyo’s chest where her predictions about how perky they must be came true, dotted with pink hardened nubs on the tips. Sana felt an ache in her core and something starting to strain against her pants.

Jihyo gently pulled Sana back on top of her, sighing as she felt the weight of the Alpha. She lets out a small whimper when she felt a harder pressure near her groin, smiling at the fact that Sana was having a reaction to seeing her bare. Shyly, she asked, “Do you like what you see?”

Sana swallowed a dry gasp, shaking her head, a bit eagerly. Her hands were squeezing and pinching the soft mounds, relishing how soft Jihyo’s skin was. Careful thumbs quickly flick the hardened nubs, earning a slight whimper from Jihyo. Her eyes watched Jihyo become undone under her, her brown eyes grew blank with arousal and her mouth parted a bit. Her lips looked more swollen from the kissing, pouting as Jihyo flinched with each twist of her nipples that Sana performed. Sana thought, If this is how she reacts to her breast being touched, I wonder how she reacts when I’m…

There was a sharp twitch of her now hardening cock. It roared, trying to alert the Japanese girl of its presence. Sana hissed at it, finding her hips already rocking forward. The bulge thumped against Jihyo’s groin, earning a slight whimper from red lips. Jihyo purred, biting her lower lips as she smiled. Sana felt her heart pumped out more blood to darken the blush on her cheeks. Seeing Jihyo like this was truly too much for Sana. Jihyo was like a goddess and Sana found it hard to believe that she was able to pleasure this goddess.

Feeling a bit bolder, Sana unbuttoned Jihyo’s pants and started to tug them down her legs. Jihyo lifted her hips to let Sana take them off. The entire time, Sana’s heart was drumming like crazy. She ate up every single detail of Jihyo’s skin and the curves of her waist, all the way to the dark curls that hid pink, succulent lips under it. Jihyo’s scent was overpowering her nose and Sana felt like she couldn’t get enough. Her hands slowly trailed down, rubbing against Jihyo’s toned stomach and along her thighs.

Jihyo began to tug Sana’s top off, in which the Japanese girl got up to help. She practically rip the top off, revealing her bare upper half. Jihyo’s eyes widened as she finally got to see her girlfriend fully bare for the first time. Sana was packing in muscle but she still had such a beautiful dip in her hips, smooth skin that highlighted against the somewhat dim lighting of the room, and a nice curve on the outline of her breast. Jihyo smiled to help make Sana feel more comfortable, knowing the Japanese girl must be feeling nervous for being bare for the first time. Jihyo’s hand began to undo the bindings of Sana’s pants, with some help. Sana, feeling more confident and comfortable, swiftly tugged her pants down, letting her cock spring forward. She heard a gasp from Jihyo, making the Japanese girl smile in triumph.

Crawling on top of Jihyo like a panther, Sana nestled herself in between Jihyo’s legs, sighing at the heat that emanated from her sex. Her hips gently rocked against Jihyo, the full length of her shaft rubbed against her inner thigh.

Shit, I’m so comfortable here but I forgot to grab a condom. Sana whipped her head to the night stand. She wondered if she would look stupid going back up and down on Jihyo. Perhaps she was overthinking it. Jihyo sensed the sudden tenseness of Sana’s body. She rested herself on her elbows, kissing along Sana’s jawline. She whispered, “You’re doing fine, Sana. Just relax.”

The soft kisses and the gentles touches helped ease Sana down as she quickly reached over to grab a condom. Tearing the package and pulling it out, Sana fumbled with it as she pulled it over her aching cock. Jihyo calmly helped Sana out. When her fingers touched the shaft, Sana felt her desires spike up. Jihyo’s touch was like electricity and Sana wanted more. Her eyes wander to the wet folds of Jihyo’s sex, imagining her cock thrusting into it. The image only fueled Sana on and she barely registered that Jihyo has been patiently waiting for her to continue after putting on the condom.

Wait, Sana thought as she tried to ignore the instinct to just rut or something. I have to prepare her, right? Yeah, it might hurt if I just put it in. Should...I? Um? Do I just touch her or push in a finger?

Jihyo finally took the lead after watching Sana seem to freak out by herself for a few minutes. Seeing Sana so fluster was one of Jihyo’s favorite looks and that’s why she didn’t help out sooner. She enjoyed what she made Sana feel and Jihyo started to take pity after watching her suffer a bit longer. Her hand swiftly grabbed Sana’s length, lining it up with her entrance. She let the tip rub against her sex, eliciting a moan from Sana.

“Shouldn’t I help you prepare?” Sana asked, whimpering at how possibly tight Jihyo was going to feel.

Jihyo shushed Sana, leading the tip of the cock. What help was how lubricated the condom was, rubbing against her entrance, making sure she was wet enough. Sure, she would have like to have been prepared first but with how nervous Sana was, Jihyo wanted to speed things up. If she got Sana through the motions, instead of explaining it to her, she had faith that the Alpha will learn quicker. “Just take it slow and listen to my voice.”

Sana nodded her head, sighing as the tip of her cock slightly sunk into the quivering hole. Jihyo lined Sana up and, with a light tap of her heel on Sana’s back, gently urged the Alpha to push in.

What followed was a loud moan from Jihyo, making Sana look up to watch. Her body strained against the immense heat that coated the tip of her shaft and Sana watched as Jihyo’s face became distorted in both pain and pleasure.

“Are you okay?” Sana asked. Jihyo nodded her head, even though she winced. “Are you sure?”

“It only hurts a bit but I’m fine, Sana.” Jihyo answered, reaching up to cup Sana’s cheek. Using the heel of her foot, Jihyo urged Sana to keep pushing, stretching her walls and bringing her a mind-blowing pleasure, tinted with a bit of pain. The pain subsided as Sana was carefully slow. She can see the Japanese girl visibly flinch, as if trying to resist going faster. When half of Sana’s shaft was inside, it seemed as if the worst was over. With a buck of Jihyo’s hips, Sana was able to slide the rest of her cock inside. They both moan out loud as they completely became one.

“A-a-are…” Sana stuttered, unable to finish her sentence as the white hot heat felt amazing. Jihyo’s walls flutter and tighten around her, making her almost bottom out.

“It’s good, Sana. I’m okay.” Jihyo whimpered. Her body felt like it was on fire. She felt so full yet unsatisfied. There was a different sort of pain now. Her walls seem to loosen and tighten, wanting some sort of friction. “Please move, it hurts more now than you’re so still.”

Sana nodded her head. Her hand on Jihyo’s hips, she watch as her cock became unsheathed from the tight cavern, leaving only the tip inside. Then her hips bucked forward, pushing into inviting walls. Jihyo lets out a wail, not in pain but in pure ecstasy. The pain was faint but Jihyo felt the friction elicit a mind-numbing pleasure that shook her core. Her hands dug into Sana’s upper arms, holding herself from losing her sanity into this sea of heat. Her walls tighten and clenched around Sana, beckoning to move.

The sight of Jihyo under her, her mouth open with heavy pants, her legs spread to accommodate Sana, and the subtle juices that dripped from her cunt in response to the pounding shaft inside of her; all of it was a sight that Sana imprinted on her mind. Her hips began to move again, watching every inch of her cock slid out. Sana watch Jihyo’s swollen lips cling onto her retreating shaft. She licked her lips at the sight. Her ears was filled with Jihyo’s whimpering at being empty. When she thrusted inside, Jihyo’s whimpering turned into heavy moans. Her sex welcomed her cock, sucking it back inside. This kept on. In and out, in and out, in and out until Sana found herself at a rhythm.

Sana’s hands roamed across Jihyo’s body, exploring new areas she hasn’t touched. Across her collarbone, fluttering around her waist, and gripping into her thighs, Sana found her hands touching along the folds of Jihyo’s sex. Her fingers trail over a hooded clit. Pulling it back, Sana watched an angry red clit twitch as her cock rammed inside. The tip of her fingers rubbed against it, making Jihyo squeal and buck her hips.

She felt Jihyo’s walls tighten so harshly that it slowed her pace. It felt like her cock was being swirled and sucked inside, leaving Sana to hang onto the bed sheets as it milked her cock. She could hear Jihyo saying her name like a chant, over and over. Jihyo’s legs tighten around her waist, pushing her closer to the Omega. Sana leaned down to suckle on the pale flesh of Jihyo’s neck, hissing when a rough contraction overcame Jihyo before she fell limp. When her lips left Jihyo’s neck, there was a light red mark.

When Sana got up, Jihyo was whimpering as it caused the shaft inside of her to shift a bit. Her body felt hyper sensitive and Jihyo could barely say anything to encourage Sana to let herself go. Her hazy brown eyes look up at Sana, hoping her silent message would reach the Alpha. Sana felt Jihyo’s walls purposely clench around her and she hissed as it drew a slithering spark to travel down her spine.

It seems that Sana got the message. She wrapped her arms around Jihyo’s waist and thrusted inside with a quicker speed. Jihyo lets out a whine as she clung onto Sana, feeling a numbing pleasure in between her legs. She could hear Sana grunting on top of her and Jihyo whimpered when Sana’s teeth roughly grazed against her neck again.

“N-No-No mate mark, S-Sana.” Jihyo reminded, knowing she still wanted to keep their relationship a secret.

Sana lets out a low groan but she nodded her head. Her mouth sucked onto Jihyo’s collarbone as her body shuddered with an orgasm that ripped through Sana’s core. Her body shivered and shook and Sana came, relishing in the pleasure. Deep inside, Sana wishes she was filling Jihyo up but with the busy events in their lives, Jihyo hasn’t had the time to take the routine of proper birth control pills. So this will have to do. Making sweet love with Jihyo was more than enough.

Meanwhile, the sensitivity from her first orgasm rocked Jihyo into her second one. Her body felt like it was melting and Jihyo held onto Sana as a lifeline. The Omega muffled her whines and whimpers by kissing along Sana’s neck. The Alpha’s cock twitched and shook before falling limp. Sana huffed as she rested on Jihyo, fully spent from her orgasm. Their panting filled the room, and it sounded so comforting to both girls. Sana kissed along Jihyo’s jawline before capturing her lips, making her moan.

Jihyo whimpered as Sana pulled out, sighing at the desirable stretched out feeling. She lets out a low hum in approval as Sana pulls the condom off, flinging it into the empty basket next to the bed.

“Are you alright?” Sana asked as she slipped onto her side, spooning Jihyo.

“Of course, I am.” Jihyo answered, purring into Sana’s embrace. “I love you, Sana.”

“I love you too, Jihyo.” Sana purred before drifting off to sleep.

[eloquentposture]

Hey so I had someone on twitter ask me to cross post my roger and Blair headcanons onto here and like a week later I’m here to do it! I will add some more for making them wait too. These were also posted on twitter under @/chiidofearth so enjoy:

-I’ve talked about it in mo money quite a bit but Roger is a huge hockey fan. Loves hockey games and going to them he just loves the energy and the vibes of hockey games and how rowdy it gets

-naturally the type of person who goes out of his way to make sure other people are doing ok. He’s just the person when you’re having a hard time you go to cause he gives good advice and is always willing to listen

-twilight fan

-words of affirmation asf! I wrote a whole story basically about his love language which I will be posting soon but he expresses himself very well through words. When he’s sad he’ll write letters to Blair about how much he loves him to make himself feel better

-he isn’t the biggest physical touch person but once he’s comfortable with the person (Blair) he’s all over them as much as Blair is

-book lover straight up he always has a book he’s reading at all times and will give Blair the rundown of each story once he’s finished so he can talk about it

-tea drinker his favorite tea is peppermint

-in school is subject was English he can effortlessly write essays and often wrote essays for Blair

-he easily gets down on himself and finds it hard to fight for himself sometimes but Blair is just fiery enough to get him to fight for himself when others are wronging him

-he really did feel stuck in his life til Blair showed up and he didn’t realize how much he needed him until Blair was there. Blair is not like anyone Roger has ever associated with and at first that sense of danger is what allured him but over time as he got to know Blair it wasn’t that danger feeling anymore it that pulled him in it was Blair helping him change to live life less by the book and more so how he truly wants to live. Idk if that makes any sense but Blair inspired him to be more to people than his public image that he uses as a defense of people judging the real him

-that one got a little sad um his favorite book he tells people is Picture of Dorian gray but secretly he really enjoys the books in the perspective of a stalker you know the ones

-loves otters the animal not the body

-also loves raccoons cause they’re funny and him and Blair cried over the video of the raccoon washing the cotton candy

-I’ve said it in a different thread but he’s a vegetarian I think cause of a traumatic incident involving chicken on the bone

-stealing Blake’s hc but back sleeper

-I think he has played either the piano or cello classically or both

-Roger will play his cello every once in a while and every time blair comes and hugs him from behind as he plays and he just laughs cause Blair is in the way now but he tries to keep playing whatever he is

-can play by ear so he plays Blair’s favorite songs for him all the time

-a bit of a hopeless romantic and he believes in true love but before Blair he just didn’t think he’d ever get to experience it. Hint after he meets Blair he feels like he finally has

-a true believer that everything happens for a reason and that every person finds others for a reason and he writes a lengthy letter to Blair one day about how important it was to him tbat Blair found him when he did and how much he needed him and how grateful he is for Blair helping him change into who he is today

-he doesn’t believe in a higher power but more believes things happen for a reason

-maybe I should write letters to Blair from Roger’s POV that’s a good idea

-Blair calls him out real quick on putting up a front for everyone and he’s like damn ok.

-I have this more in depth in a au but Roger’s relationships often fizzle out because he’s too scared of being his real self with people and is terrified of expressing his emotions to others and so his partner never feels like they actually know him but with Blair he feels this pull to want to be himself it’s hard to describe but with Blair he says things and expresses things no one knows about him

-neck kisses in an affectionate way not a sexual way also will Blair’s forehead quite a bit just when they’re chilling

-on the down low likes true crime

-one last thing actually he really loves golf because it’s the type of sport where you have to have a clear mind and let all your anger and frustration go to perform well at so it’s cathartic to him and he likes watching hockey cause he can be fucking ANGRY

-Last one cause I have to leave now but this is a completely self indulgent hc and be ready cause I will do a one shot soon but Roger closing cashier at a sketchy grocery store linden is this because you are a closing cashier at a sketc- gets shot

-ok one more but surprisingly to a lot of people he’s a very very creative person and he keeps it on the down low but musically, artistically, and with writing he’s very very creative and good at those types of things and it shocks people when they find out

Now for some extra ones I’m gonna think up real quick for you you blessed tumblr user you:

-this one is Blythe’s but Roger is hypersensitive to light touch when he’s sick so Blair will have to put all his weight on him and it makes Roger feel a lot better

-Blair is really good at baking and will often bake things for Roger at like 2 am and one night it wakes Roger up and roger comes down and starts helping and that leads to Blair just hugging roger from behind while roger stirs shit

-Blair makes roger coffee all the time and just leaves it on the counter for when he wakes up

-Blair has a hard time waking up in the mornings and when roger wakes him up in the mornings he has to wake him up an hour earlier so Blair has time to keep rolling over and cuddling Roger and going back to sleep

-Blair slow dances with Roger’s dog

I might add to this later but that’s all I can think of right now!

[mochegato]

Will you Fake Date Me?

A bit of fun for the Jasonette July Fake Dating prompt.  I think this was the first fic I actually completed.

 “Explain this to me again,” Marinette said with slight exasperation as she stirred her coffee. She watched her friend, one of her best friends, run a hand through his hair looking slightly desperate and anxious. The fact that messing up his hair like that just made him even more attractive was utterly not fair.  Wait, she was supposed to be annoyed not turned on. Stop Marinette, focus!

Jason sighed staring down at the coffee in front of him, “I need you to pretend to be my girlfriend for the upcoming Wayne gala.  Bruce is forcing me go and I need some protection.”

“You need my protection?” she asked eyeing him suspiciously.  He nodded, still looking intently at his coffee. “From?”

“Bruce, Alfred, attention seeking harpies looking for a meal ticket,” he listed off gruffly, “Dick.”

“Dick?” She raised a skeptical eyebrow.

“Dick,” he nodded.  “He is positive I need to find a significant other. But, see, here’s the genius of the plan, if I have one already, he’ll stop trying to set me up with every single, roughly our age, mildly-attractive-in-Dick’s-eyes person he sees.”

“Just to be clear, you think pretending you have a girlfriend that Dick didn’t know about will get Dick to pester you less,” she deadpanned.  “I’m still looking for the genius part of this plan.”

Jason opened his mouth then closed it quickly.  She wasn’t wrong, but that wasn’t the point.  Stupid logic. “Come on, don’t make me go to this thing alone.  It’s going to be miserable and boring and annoying and it would be at least tolerable if you were there with me.”

“Wow you are selling it so well.  When you put it that way, how could I resist such an amazing offer?” she scoffed and rolled her eyes taking a sip of her coffee.  “Also, ‘tolerable’?  When did you turn into Damian?”

This wasn’t working.  He needed a different tactic, one he knew worked on her every time, “Please?” he begged asked in a very manly way, giving her the biggest puppy dog eyes he could manage.  

Marinette looked at the puppy dog eyes warily.  She could already feel herself giving in.  Damn beautiful, gorgeous, big blue eyes she could get lost in.  He knew she couldn’t resist his eyes.  She needed to think of something quick or she was going to lose her dignity and pretend to date someone she really did want to date and she was not some fucking fanfic trope, even if it was one of her favorites. One of Jason’s favorites, too, if she remembered correctly.  Even if it would be fun to “have to” spend even more time together, close together, touching and making out endlessly in order to sell the story.  

Wait, she had a point… Right! She was not going to let her real life succumb to her and Jason’s favorite trope…

Jason’s favorite... trope

What. The. Fuck.  That scruffy-looking, fic-loving, nerd-rat!  He was playing her… but only if he liked her.  So… he liked her?  What!?  When did that start!?  Why weren’t they already dating!?  He was sitting there playing games instead of kissing her!  Bastard.  He needed to stop playing games and act.  They could be kissing right now!!

Okay, so maybe he hadn’t asked directly because he was afraid of how she would react.  He wanted to keep their friendship and his dignity intact no matter what.  Aww, that was so adorable.  Still a nerd-rat, but an adorable one.  It was going to take tact and finesse to help keep the fine balance Jason was walking.

“Jason, if you want to ask me out, ask me, you coward.”  Finesse.  To be fair to her efforts... screw the balance.

Jason stared at her mouth agape.  Shit. This was not how this conversation was supposed to go.  She was supposed to agree to go with him to the gala.  He was supposed to show up wearing a dashing tux that would make her blush deep red and render her speechless.  She was supposed to wear a beautiful dress that took his breath away and made his jaw drop, so any dress really, or anything… or nothing.  No wait.  That wasn’t a fantasy he had time to indulge in right now.  If he started down that road…. What was he thinking about before? Oh right.  “What?” He gurgled out.  Eloquent. He knew words.

“We’ve both read enough fake dating fics to know how you think this ends.” She looked at him with narrowed eyes.

Jason considered his options for response and still keep his self-respect.  He was Red Hood.  He took down mob bosses, hell he was one for a long time.  He could handle this little soft-hearted pixie.  Surely.  

His knee-jerk response to any situation was his patented emotional detachment.  He didn’t care, not about this not about her.  But that wouldn’t work with Marinette, especially if he wanted to get a date out of this.  She knew he cared.  Maybe she didn’t know how much he loved CARED! cared about her, but she knew the detachment was a mask.  She’d certainly called him out on it enough.

He could play dumb.  He was good at that.  Damian always leapt at the chance to believe he was an idiot. Mari knew him better though and always trusted his insights into any situation because she trusted that he knew what he was talking about.  She knew he was smarter than he liked people to think.  She treated him like he was brilliant.  Even if it wasn’t the same way Tim or Barbara were, he still had as much to contribute, as much value.  She completely trusted him, even when she shouldn’t, giving him those eyes that melted him into a puddle.  So that was out.

He could try to play her, a corollary of the Play Dumb approach, playing off of her weaknesses; her refusal to back down from a challenge, her anxiety, her willingness to believe the best in everyone, her need to help everyone around her, her soft heart, her creativity, her kindness, her intelligence, her wit, her bravery, her beauty, her… wait… what was… WEAKNESSES!  Right.  He’d already used his puppy dog eyes though.  He could pull them out again and it might work, but...  Fuck it.  The direct approach then.  Just be straight forward with her, sincere.

“What are you talking about?” Sincerity is vastly overrated.

She stared at him, mouth set in a thin line.  He was still playing games.  Fine. He wanted to play games?  She could play, too.  And just like every game she played with him, she would destroy him.

“I don't know... I’m thinking about becoming a roommate with Roy and…” she gasped placing her hands on her cheeks, eyes and mouth wide open in shock. “…there might only be one bed,”

“The fuck you are,” Jason growled out under his breath before he could stop himself.  He noticed the victorious grin and light blush that appeared on Marinette’s face at his outburst before she schooled her face again.  He narrowed her eyes back at her.  She was playing with him.  She wasn’t walking away and she wasn’t saying ‘no’.  That meant… she was interested too, right?  She was interested and flirting with him.  A small smirk spread across his face before he schooled his expression as well.  Flirting he could do. “You better be careful or you might make me into an enemy, then when I get hurt I’ll have to come to you for comfort.”

Marinette drew in a breath “enemies to lovers, 10,000 word slow burn” she whispered in mock scandal nodding her head.

He chuckled at her and looked back into her eyes, “you didn’t say no, you know”.

“No” she said leaning back.

He stared at her for a second, his heart stumbling.  Had he read this wrong?

“I will not fake date you.  If you want a date, you can ask for one.”  

She started to get up but Jason grabbed her hand gently “Will you go on a date with me, secret princess Marinette?”  He said looking at her with soft eyes, smiling at her as a shy smile spread across her face.

“Yes, of course I will. I could never deny my soulmate.” She smiled wider.  “But…” She paused hesitantly.  

“But?” He asked nerves suddenly surfacing.

“But, where will we go? We’re already in a coffee shop…” she threw him a devastatingly wicked smile.

He groaned.  This was his life now.  He was never going to live this down.  

 Bonus:

“Come on, let’s get out of here.” He held her hand as they walked out of the coffee shop, reveling in finally being able to touch her for more than a few seconds at a time.  He could feel her warm skin whenever he wanted.

“One thing though,” she started as they left the coffee shop.

He groaned again and threw his head back in mock exasperation, “Oh God, what?  You worried about your found family?”

“Oooo, that’s a good one, but no.  I was thinking,” she said suddenly a bit bashful, “that we don’t want anyone to suspect that we are just pretending to be dating, right?”

He eyed her suspiciously, “Right… because we’re not.”

“Right, but we don’t want Dick to keep pushing, so we want to make sure we look completely comfortable with each other, right?”

A happy grin spread across his face as he caught onto where she was going with this, “right, so we should maybe practice.  Things like being close to each other, holding hands, hugging, touching, kissing…”

“Exactly,” she nodded, looking up at him through her eyelashes.  “Just to make sure we completely convince Dick we are completely in love… so there’s no question.”

His hands cupped her cheeks as he stared into her eyes, “and I am” he whispered, lowering his head down to gently touch his lips to hers.

 Slightly dirtier bonus:

“Oh God,” he said with sudden realization breaking the kiss.

“What?” Marinette asked concern edging into her expression.

“Am I the Alpha or the Omega in this relationship?”

She let out a loud laugh, wound her arms around his neck, and pulled him down for another more searing kiss. “Who said you had to choose?  We can always switch.”

  Thanks to @gajer-1226 for helping me figure out who share the one bed with.

And thanks to siderealSandman for teaching me what “switch” means.

Tag:

@fsketchart  @jasonette-july-2k20

[levis-hazelnut]

Summary: when you and your best friend, Hanji, were younger, you had made up stories about your dream guys - what they would look like and how you would meet. What happens when the one you had made up appears to be real?

Warning(s): suggestions of sex. please do tell me if there are anymore.

Taglist (closed): @castellandiangelo @fandom-addict19​ @20coldhearts​

Status: completed

part 10 > part 11 > part 12 (final)

series masterlist

(a/n: sorry this is me just being thirsty for levi, it’s completely self indulgent and barely has a plot)

I think what I’m about to tell you right now is probably one of the biggest surprises.

So, you know how both of my relationships never lasted longer than five months? Well, my relationship with Levi has been going on for eleven months now. Almost a whole year. Which means I’ve been living in heaven for the past eleven months.

This man is just amazing in every way possible (but please don’t tell him I said this because he’s going to piss me off). He can pretend that he doesn’t care about anything all he wants because I know how much of a sweetheart he actually is, and I hate him for making me fall even more in love with him.

And another reason why I hate him is because--

That god awful sound of my ringtone screamed into my ear and I knew who it was, seeing as how there was only one person who would call me at eight a.m. on a Saturday.

With a few grumbled curses, I blindly reached for my phone and answered it, “What?”

“Good morning to you, too, darlin’.”

“For god’s sake, just tell me what you want. I’m trying to sleep.”

“I’d like for you to get your ass out of bed since our exam starts in less than twenty minutes.”

... Wasn’t it the weekend?

“... Excuse me? Exam? Since when?”

“Look at your calendar, please, you idiot.”

“I may or may not have put it into my calendar because I relied on you,” I muttered, jumping out of bed and scrambling to find some clothes before quickly brushing my teeth and trying to fix my bed head.

“Also, stop by at the café before you come. I want tea.”

“Are you fucking dumb? I’m not stopping to get you tea when I’ll already be late.”

“It’s on the way. It’ll only add a couple of minutes to your journey.”

“If I’m late, I swear I’m going to--”

“It won’t be my fault if you’re late. Thank you for getting me tea. Love you. Bye.”

He cut the phone before I could even reply and I rolled my eyes, slamming the apartment door behind me as I rushed down the stairs and made my way to the café to get Levi his precious tea since I’m such a loving girlfriend.

With a shrill ring of the bell above the door, my arrival was announced as I looked to the counter to see Eren talking to Levi, with a cup of tea in his hands.

I frowned, marching towards them to slap the back of the raven’s head.

“What the hell?” he spat, flicking my forehead in retaliation.

“What happened to getting you tea, so I can be late to the exam?”

“There is no exam, darlin’.”

“What do you mean? Why did you tell me that there was an exam? Why would you make me lose precious hours of sleep?”

“Seeing as how you don’t remember, I’ll remind you. Last night you asked me to help you study. For the exams. But I didn’t think you’d get out of bed for our study session.”

“Stop knowing me so well and let me sleep. Now, you have to buy me a cof--” I cut myself off when he presented a hot cup to me and the aroma of coffee wafted around my nose, calming me down after I took a sip. “Thank you, babe.”

“You’re welcome,” he replied before turning to the male with turquoise orbs. “Thanks for the drinks.”

“No problem. I also cleared a table in the corner for you guys, so that you wouldn’t get too distracted.”

“Aw, thank you, Eren,” I grinned. “Come on, let’s get this shit over with,” I huffed, dragging the raven towards the table, where we both sat down, and he took things out of his bag before tucking it under the table.

“What do you want to focus on?” he asked, and then glancing at me when I didn’t respond because I was too busy focusing on the black t-shirt he was wearing. Perfectly fitted around his arms, tight around his torso and pecs, exposing the ripples that I love to run my fingers over. And he was wearing a couple of silver rings on his hands, and I didn’t think he’d be able to look more attractive.

“... You,” I replied to his question with a smirk, causing him to roll his eyes.

“I will walk out of this café if you don’t stop staring at me like a freaking weirdo and if you don’t pay attention to what I’m saying.”

“But I’m tired,” I whined, facepalming the table.

“That’s not my fault.”

“I will fucking kill you, Levi. You were the one that decided to call me for five hours last night. And the one who thought it’d be a wonderful idea to wake me up at eight in the morning.”

“... Fine. We don’t have to start straight away,” he told me, leaning back in his chair and crossing his arms over his chest, causing his biceps to bulge even more.

“Don’t sit like that.”

“Why?” he questioned, raising a single brow.

“Because I’m sure you don’t want to get fucked in a café.”

“Why are you always so horny, you freak?”

“You’re asking me that question while looking like that?” I scoffed with the roll of my eyes. “The audacity.”

“Just drink your coffee before it gets cold.”

“I will. By the way, do we have to stay in here? Can we go to the library or somewhere quieter?”

“Why? So you can fuck me?”

“No, you idiot. I just won’t be able to concentrate with all these people.”

“But you’ll get too sleepy if it’s quiet.”

“True,” I mumbled. “Okay, then. Just give me like half an hour and I should be ready to study.”

“What am I going to do for thirty minutes?”

“Maybe talk to your girlfriend, smartass,” I retorted, laying my head on the table again, squishing my cheek against it. There was no response, so the only sounds were the chatter of customers, glass clinking, and air conditioning because of the sweltering weather. I glanced at my boyfriend, wondering why he was silent, only to find that he was gazing at me. “You okay?”

“Mhm,” was his reply, which was unusual, before he took a sip of his tea.

“What are you thinking about?”

“About how we ended up here. Together. In a relationship.”

A tender smile conquered my lips as I reached my hand out for his, interlocking our fingers. “Thank you, Levi. For loving me like no one else did. And no matter how much you get on my nerves, I’m always going to appreciate you being here for me.”

“I’m not good with this shit, so yeah, same thing goes to you,” he said awkwardly, causing me to laugh.

“Can’t believe it’s going to be our one-year anniversary in about two weeks.”

“Going to be a year since I entered hell.”

“Shut up,” I muttered, kicking his shin, despite knowing he was joking.

“... You know what, let’s just go,” the raven-haired male randomly stated, standing up and gently tugging on my hand as our fingers were still intertwined. To my one-word question of: “Where?” he replied, “I don’t know, but I don’t feel like it’s day that we should study. We have plenty of time for that, so let’s do something.”

My hues shone brightly as I grinned and gladly accepted his offer, getting out of my seat and grabbing my coffee as he packed his things away prior to leading me out of the stuffy building, bidding farewell to Eren.

“Let’s go to your place. We’ll make breakfast, have it on the balcony, and do whatever after.”

“'Kay, then. But can we slip in a nap after breakfast because I’m still tired?” I requested.

“Of course.”

So, we made way to mine and Hanji’s apartment, relieved that I didn’t have to study all day today and could simply relax with the raven. That fact made me smile a little as I unlocked the door to the apartment, stepping inside and kicking my shoes off as Levi did the same, following you to your bedroom.

“Ten minutes, please. Then, we begin our date,” I sighed, plopping down onto my bed and he made himself comfortable, shifting my head onto his lap. Then, his slender digits began to soothingly drift through my tresses that were completely tangled, so he had gently unknotted my hair to make it easier to run his fingers through it.

“Remind me to never wake you up this early on a weekend again.”

“I always tell you, asshole. And you never listen to me.”

“Well, I’ve finally learnt my lesson. So, hush.”

After my ten-minute rest, I went to splash my face with water to wake me up a little, while Levi was in the kitchen, preparing everything for breakfast, seeing as how the only thing he ate for breakfast was tea and toast, and I only had coffee.

“Hey, darlin’, what do you want to eat?”

“Mmm, maybe crepes... Let me help.”

So, in the next forty minutes, I ended up with flour on my face and clothes, while that idiot was just smirking at me, and I had slipped because there was water on the floor. And all of it was amusing to my boyfriend, who seemed to be in a great mood since he kept chuckling (not that I was complaining because it was a beautiful sound). The annoying thing, though, was that I was too irritated to mock him wearing my floral apron that made him lose his debonair flair.

“You’re an idiot with her own comedy show,” he teased.

“I don’t know if that is a compliment or not.”

“It isn’t. I’m calling you an idiot.”

“Shut up. You’re the reason I’m covered in flour.”

“Just go sit down and eat. I’ll clean everything up.”

“You better, you clean-freak,” I mumbled, doing as he said, taking a seat at the table on the balcony as he placed down the plates and mugs before sitting opposite me. The sun grinned down on him, giving him an ethereal appearance and making him even more gorgeous. 

There was idle chatter as we ate because I was too exhausted and agitated to carry a proper conversation that had too much information for my brain to register.

Once we were done, the raven stood up to take the dishes to the kitchen and wash them (husband material right there) as Hanji approached me with a yawn, rubbing the fatigue from her eyes.

“How come you’re awake so e-- Oh,” she said when she noticed Levi.

“Yeah, he made me get out of bed early for no reason,” I complained as I stood up to help him. “There’s leftover batter for crepes, by the way.”

“Oh, okay. Thanks. Also, why is there flour everywhere?”

“Because of that idiot.” I rolled my eyes.

“You’re the idiot, darlin’,” he called from the kitchen before appearing before us, shooting an annoying and teasing look my way, and shot him a glare in return.

 From someone else’s perspective that don’t know us, we’d probably look like we hate each other, when in reality, this was basically our love language - annoying each other and glaring.

“I will punch you, Ackerman. However, I need to clean up, so you’re lucky.”

“Not like you would’ve, anyway. And before you say anything else, just go shower.”

Once again, I rolled my eyes but left the room to do as he said, grabbing some clothes and a towel before going into the bathroom. Just as I was about to close the door, however, it opened slightly and Levi stepped inside, shutting and locking the door.

“What are you doing?” I inquired.

“I said I’ll clean everything up, didn’t I? That includes you,” he whispered with a smirk, leaning in to latch his lips onto mine, tugging at the hem of my shirt.

~/~

Soft kisses were pressed along my hairline and my forehead, my cheeks, my nose, down to my jaw and further down to my shoulders. Lips continued to migrate, travelling to my neck where there were soft nibbles and flicks of a tongue against the flesh of my neck.

My fingers were tangled in ebony locks, damp and fragrant from our recent shower, and my nails gently scratched against Levi’s scalp as I drifted my hand through his hair. His touches were light and almost careful, like he didn’t want to hurt me, even though his teeth contrasted that when he sunk his teeth into my skin a couple of times before kissing the spot he bit as a wordless apology.

We were simply lying down in my bed, relaxing in a comfortable silence. I laid on my back with my eyes lidded, while Levi laid on his side, resting his head on my chest as he continued to pepper my skin in soft kisses and gentle nips.

These would always be my favourite moments. Just moments filled with adoration, silent declarations of love, and serenity. No teasing, annoying, or glaring. No retorts, no eye rolling, no grumbles. Only warmth, tenderness, affection.

“Darlin’?” he uttered in a hushed voice, but when I didn’t respond, he lifted his head to gaze at me, finding that I had fallen asleep. His ashen hues were full of fondness, admiring my relaxed visage before he pecked my lips and assumed his original position - his head on my chest and an arm slung over my torso.

While I was asleep, he was on his phone, scrolling through social media, occasionally sighing because he was bored. But he wouldn’t wake me up because I deserved to sleep.

It wasn’t until about twelve o’clock when I woke up with Levi’s head still laying on my chest, however, his grey orbs were hidden. So, with little movement, I attempted to reach for my phone, only to find that his fingers were entangled with mine, which made me smile softly because I hadn’t been holding his hand before I fell asleep.

And when I pressed my lips against his knuckles, his eyes fluttered open to meet mine, and there was a smile shimmering in his beautiful eyes.

“Finally awake, sleepyhead,” he hummed placing a single kiss on my jaw.

“Mhm. Did you miss me?” I murmured, unhinging my jaw and letting out a yawn.

He scoffed and rolled his eyes, putting up an act to support his lie. “No.”

I giggled softly, kissing his forehead. “Whatever you say, babe. Anyway, what are we doing for the rest of the day?”

“I was thinking something outside because the weather’s nice.”

“Oh, I know! There’s a funfair at the park just ten minutes away. Let’s go there.”

“Sure. We’ll leave in about an hour?” he suggested, and I hummed in agreement, tugging my boyfriend closer so I could nuzzle my face into his chest before we got out of bed. “Then, we can come back later and make dinner together.”

“That sounds nice,” I said in a hushed voice, feeling sleep taking over me once again. However, Levi attempted to save me before I completely gave in.

“Don’t fall asleep.”

“Shhh.”

For the umpteenth time that day, the raven rolled his eyes but he couldn’t help the smile that edged onto his lips every time.

He doesn’t know what it was. But every time I would do or say something, even if it was the most stupid and idiotic thing he’s seen, he feels something warm flutter inside. And he realises how much he’s fallen for me, which has changed him. In a good way.

And all this time I thought I was a bad influence.

[sakuatsu]

YELL 2 ME ABT SAKUATSU FIC RECS PLS

oh boy. oh boy do i have much to talk about

here’s a list of my sakuatsu must-reads under the cut! complete with links, word count, ratings, and occasional commentary because i’m incapable of shutting up. this isn’t in any particular order either 

(keeping this sfw and organized into canonverse/AUs. a * means i am on my hands and knees begging for you to read this)  

i’ll try to update this somewhat regularly :]

most recently updated august 25, 2020!

canonverse:

*your highs and lows (series) by astroeulogy 

a post-time skip canonverse series born from these two questions:

1. what if sakusa kiyoomi, known too-blunt jerk, is equally straightforward about his soft, tender feelings?

2. what if miya atsumu, resident big fat jerk who doesn't care if his teammates hate him, is too emotionally stunted to notice when his one of his teammates actually likes him?

this is like the sakuatsu series but it’s blasphemous to not recommend. the first fic in the series is all that you were (4.6k, T). mind the ratings on a few of the fics, but my personal favorite is #3: a masterpiece of domesticity called you have tamed me (5.7k, T). these make me ACHE 

*sakuatsu domesticity simulator by pseudoanalytics (T)

a vaguely interactive mixture of fic, art, and html, where you too can experience the inherent romance of a big fat jerk and a too-blunt jerk attempting intimacy

this fic...this fic...op is literally one of my favorite artists of all time but Did You Know that their writing is also off the charts. what a wonderful use of second person and the pacing is so good. too much skill in one person 

*The MSBY Black Jackals Read Thirst Tweets by isaksara (11.4k, M)

Sakusa’s eyes are very dark naturally, sucking in all surrounding rays of light and crushing them in his pupils. For an athlete, he is rather pale. His lips look very pink in comparison. Atsumu is suddenly catastrophically aware that in this instance, ‘accent’ is a euphemism. “Good enough for your Olympic-size ego, Miya?”

(In which Atsumu realizes that he is attracted to Sakusa Kiyoomi in the most inconvenient way possible.)

i think this is the fic that got me into sakuatsu in the first place lol i was looking very specifically for msby socmed fics and now here we are. this fic is unbelievably funny

*liminal spaces by hhatsuna (25.9k, T)

Fuck you, Atsumu thinks, pointing at the pixelated Sakusa in the grainy team photo on his bedside table.

It’s easier than you’d think to ignore loving your teammate.

*Better For Us Both by abrandnewheart (15.7k, M)

Where “You already make me the happiest guy alive, babe," gives way to, “I’ve not been happy for a while now.”

Alternatively known as the ‘mug fic’.

yes this is a breakup fic. yes im going to recommend it anyway. breakup fics usually scare me a lot but this one is too good for me to not say anything about. nuanced and delicious. i look at the mug on my desk and feel pain

dog eat dog eat dog world by perennials (8.4k, T)

You are your first and only line of defense against the universe.

Koi no Yokan; 恋の予感 by ymra (15.3k, unrated)

Wherein Sakusa dreams of his future selves and discovers a little something along the way.

autumn ends, but we remain by wolfsbvne (5.3k, T)

atsumu stares at his ceiling at 2am. he stares until he can make out designs in his popcorn ceiling. a cat there, an onigiri here, and then something that suspiciously looks like a mop of hair, triangle eyebrows, and oh those two bumps are moles right above what atsumu just mapped out as an eye.

(or, atsumu is in kind of in love. sakusa is maybe in like.)

your fingertips, branding irons by Ceryna (5.8k, T)

Between the accidental touches he's reconciled, the deliberate ones he's endured, and, from those he's built years of trust with, obliged– Kiyoomi has never wanted to let someone indulge.

Never, until Atsumu.

take what’s yours and make it mine by claudusdiei (5.9k, T)

atsumu falls in love four times in his life

(or: in which atsumu gets his heart broken twice, has the self-awareness of a sober mule and really likes yellow tulips)

every action has an equal and opposite reaction by akanemnida (10.4k, T)

Miya Atsumu gets a modeling contract with Calvin Klein, which sets Kiyoomi's heart in motion.

(Or: Sakusa Kiyoomi realizes that the rules governing the universe are absolute rubbish at explaining matters of the heart.)

*where i want to be by tookumade (8.8k, G)

In the time they’ve been teammates at the MSBY Black Jackals, Sakusa has never been to Atsumu’s place, and Atsumu has only been to Sakusa’s a few times. There’s an unspoken understanding here: that Atsumu knows him well enough to know that nobody’s house or apartment would ever really meet his ridiculously high standards, and he is most comfortable in the home he’s made for himself.

That, and, Atsumu being over at Sakusa’s means that he has to host him and do the cleaning afterwards, while Atsumu can just flit off back to his own place. So. There’s that.

Tonight. Tonight is not business as usual. Tonight is not familiar.

*san'yō expressway, 6:17 pm by yamabato (8.1k, T)

Atsumu tilts his head to watch a slice of orange light bend over the impassive planes of Sakusa’s face. He is absolutely, ruthlessly beautiful. It makes Atsumu want to punch something—put his foot through the windshield—scream, maybe.

Kiss him again, maybe.

They have 344 kilometers to figure this one out.

parallax error: angle of inclination by min_mintobe (10.8k, T)

But now there's the one person Atsumu'd promised himself never to touch. His eyes leave Atsumu breathless with guilt at seventeen, and he spends the next six years safe in the satisfaction of making things right.

Feelings, of the physical kind, and one kiss.

ft. competitive spirit, childishness, and late night conversations.

Atsumu POV.

four leaf clover by vicari_us (5.9k, T)

Once, Ushijima claimed that they ‘got lucky’. If properly honed, their body types could become near invincible weapons.

However, unlike Ushijima, Kiyoomi’s weapon required a bit more care over the years to reach the condition it had become. He was born iron, not yet forged into steel.

Exploring what it might have taken to turn a genetic mistake into an athletic miracle.

*the 28 postcards you left me by wheelspokes (8.3k, T)

Atsumu takes texting your ex to a new level by sending Sakusa postcards in Animal Crossing instead.

such a unique premise & this is so beautifully structured. stunning flow and who knew animal crossing could convey so much longing...

AUs:

Pas De Deux by hhatsuna (dancer!sakusa au: 19.0k, T)

The mystery athlete gives Kiyoomi a once over in the mirror. “Yer pretty tall,” he observes, and the twang of an accent rasps low in his throat. His brazen eyes drift to Kiyoomi’s legs, and something like exhilaration glints gold in his gaze. “Good quads, too. Ya ever played volleyball?” Ah. So it’s volleyball.

“I’m a dancer. Ballet and contemporary, mostly.”

*my love, take your time by bastigod (archaeologist!sakusa au: 9.0k, T)

There was something sublime about wandering around an empty museum. Nothing could compare to the sound of his shoes clacking against the marble floor, the morning sunlight gently streaming through the lofty windows and the peaceful solitude of ancient stone kings overseeing their silent kingdoms.

A day in the life of Doctor Kiyoomi Sakusa, Archaeologist.

i’ve literally been thinking about this fic every day since it came out. you will not find a story like this anywhere else, i guarantee you. what a clear labor of love this fic is it’s truly something so special 

three roses and a smile by strawberrycitrus (surgeon!sakusa & microbiologist!atsumu au: 19.7k, T)

“I just got this job, I’m not givin’ it up for some moral boost ‘cause I actually need to pay my rent, ya insensitive -” Atsumu waves his hands around, trying and failing to come up with the right word to convey the amount of injustice that this gaunt motherfucker has brought into his relatively simple life thus far.

“If you can’t pay your rent, go get a job at the McDonald’s over by 8th Street,” Sakusa growls, “it’ll pay more than your researcher position.”

If you even attempt assault on a coworker, forget teaching about cells - you’ll fucking be in one, Atsumu.

*Dance of the Parallax by astroeulogy (ogre spirit!sakusa au: 6.7k, T)

For the last twenty years, Atsumu’s done all that he can to break his betrothal to the ogre spirit Sakusa. If he can just make it through one more night, he’ll be free.

honestly, just read everything by astroeulogy. i’m recommending this fic in particular because it has such an ethereal voice to it. magical

across oceans, across centuries by starstrikes (pacific rim au: 20.0k, T)

Six days ago, Osamu died and left Atsumu with this: Atsumu, you have to—

(Namikira rises with the tides and rips Osamu and Vulpis Empress away in one fell swoop. Six days later, Atsumu wakes up alone in a hospital bed and learns how to swim.)

you don’t actually need to know pacrim to appreciate this. a wonderful exploration of grief and recovery. also it’s exactly 20k words which is both satisfying and terrifying 

*Notte Stellata by awkwardedgeworth (ice skating/dancing au: 20.8k, T)

"Your partner doesn't need to hold anyone's hand other than yours," Sakusa's father crouches, "And you can wear gloves."

Sakusa ponders. He hears the other skaters of rink two whiz past as they launch themselves into lifts.

"Alright," He looks up from the ice, not knowing how he'll dedicate the next couple of decades to this sport, this partnership, this boy.

what a stunning fic. a beautiful progression of sakusa & atsumu’s relationship, rife with references to real skating programs, beautifully written and structured. so full of longing i’m in mild physical pain

[inmyarmswrappedin]

So, because Fatou’s season ends today and, as far as we know, Druck hasn’t been renewed yet, I want to go over the things I feel the team did well in this season and the things I hope they take with them when they sit down to write the next season (which I’m manifesting will be Ava’s).

I think that s5 and, perhaps to a bigger extent, s6, were the team’s attempt to address fan feedback for and criticisms of s3 and s4. So I have hopes that, after possibly the most scrutinized season of any Skams, they are still willing to read even more feedback and sit down once again to craft a couple more seasons (possibly even 3 or 4 more seasons!).

So, without further ado, things that were done well! (Do I have to add “in my opinion”? Do I??)

I liked that for both s5 and s6, the thorough-line for the season wasn’t made obvious or shared in a press release, but rather it was up to fans to connect the story threads for themselves.

I loved that the team sought to address one of the biggest criticisms of s3, that is, that Matteo was given so many symptoms of a mental illness, but it ultimately went unaddressed in the narrative. They did this by giving Nora a dissociative disorder, and Fatou dyscalculia. (Matteo has been headcanoned as being mentally ill and having a disability.) It allowed the teams to develop both fan theories into full-blown seasons and give each of them the importance they deserved.

I have said this already, but I really appreciate that the team chose misunderstood, misrepresented and underrepresented mental illnesses and disabilities. I feel like s5 and s6 will be referents for many years, because they really took the time to portray a dissociative disorder and dyscalculia in a down-to-earth, unhurried way that isn’t meant to shock and awe, but simply allow us to understand why and when Nora and Fatou will struggle. Druck got the viewers to anticipate when Nora and Fatou would struggle, and that’s the first step in being able to anticipate and accommodate the needs of the Noras and Fatous of the world. I really can’t overstate how important this is and what a difference it makes in a real, tangible way. These seasons aren’t meant to be enjoyed for voyeuristic reasons, but they will legitimately help people.

One of the biggest criticisms of s4 was that Amira and Sam didn’t connect as women of color. In fact, it seemed like in s4 Sam was treated as another white friend, when in s2 both she and Amira were the victims of Kiki’s racism. The team addressed this by giving us Ava and Fatou’s friendship, which I want to say might be the first friendship between main characters of color where their race is a substantial reason for their bond. (There are the Sanas with their Jamillas, but the Jamillas aren’t main characters, and then there are friendships like Jo and Megan and Zoya, or Imaan and Liv, or Luca and Yasmina, but iirc in every case their bond as women of color isn’t made explicit.)

Another criticism of s4 was the way Kiki turned into the world’s most understanding white friend offscreen. The team addressed this with the Ava and Mailin storyline, which I think was wonderfully and subtly set up in s5, then built on with the biology test leaked answers.

On the topic of race, I think a major criticism of s3 was that David’s ethnicity wasn’t acknowledged (to the point where a white actress was cast to play his sister gvhvhv). The team has made up for this with Josh (more in the s6 sm than in s5, but I still count it) and with Kieu My. Fatou and Kieu My bonded over being first/second gen children of immigrants, and in doing so, they acknowledged that these characters aren’t white and have different experiences than white Germans.  

The first 6 episodes of this season were some of the finest writing in the Skams. The storylines all connected and built on each other. The motifs were just so good and beautiful and fitting. The themes were all clearly defined and easy to follow.

The tortoise plot was one of the most fun and imaginative storylines in any Skams, it connected Fatou and Ismail in a believable way. And not to rave about a fucking tortoise, but animals can be really uncooperative and that tortoise delivered every fucking clip. Druck has a reputation for being one of the most depressive versions of Skam, but the Maike/Burger plot was just plain fun.

I feel like some of the old gen’s instas were a bit self-indulgent. I’m thinking specifically of Matteo’s memes and how they they weren’t necessarily the kind of memes a gay dude born in 2001 would pick, but someone a decade older. I think this is much better done with new gen. Fatou’s memes reflect her age and her sexuality, and not just that, but Ava, Mailin, Kieu My, Josh, etc. all pick memes and even focus on different aspects of recent news, based on their gender, race, personalities, interests, etc.

I appreciate that the team found a way to fit a sex scene between Fatou and Kieu My to add to the small catalogue of wlw sex scenes on Skams (I’m including the scene in lovleg or we’d only have two lol). While I understood the reasons eskam opted not to include one, I thought there were ways to feature a sex scene that didn’t sexualize the actresses and didn’t require nudity. Cases in point: the lovleg scene, and this scene in Druck.

And it also needs to be said. This is the first original season with a main of color, and the third season overall (after Liv and Imane) where 10 episodes are given to a character of color and no one else. Of the three, it’s certainly the season that loved and respected its main the most. The bar is so low it’s in hell, but Druck did clear that bar!

With all that said, let’s talk about the things I would really want the team to address in following seasons:

The thing I most want them to fix might be small or unimportant for a lot of people, but I think it’s at the core of why the season has been unenjoyable or certain plot points haven’t come across the way the team wanted, for many people. I am talking about the overly expositional nature of the writing.  It appears as if the team approached the writing of the clips with the intention of hitting each beat as noted in their agreed upon outline, and absolutely nothing else was to be added. This is an issue both in s5 and s6. It’s just less noticeable in s5, because s5 is setting up stuff for Fatou’s season, and possibly even seasons that haven’t been written yet. The fact that absolutely every second counts makes for a stressful watching experience for me, because the narrative tension is always heightened. Whereas with Skam, the narrative tension would build throughout the clip. Take the Pride scene in Skam, for instance. The clip allows for Isak and Eskild to get increasingly more agitated as they butt heads. I feel like if this Druck team had done the Pride scene in s5 or s6, the clip would’ve started with both Isak and Eskild already on edge, and cut much of the dialogue that got them there.

On the topic of naturalistic dialogue, this season doesn’t have it. Here is an example from ep 10 clip 2, Wieder vereint/Reunited 11:37.

Fatou: I’ll get a certificate too and bring it over to you. And I checked it, I only have to change one course and my schedule will work.

Teacher: Miss Jallow, you are not the first one to come to me with an epiphany. We could fill entire school weeks with the lessons you missed. In addition, Doctor Steinberg told me about your, well… activities. You don’t have a lot of arguments on your side. 

Fatou: But I’ve spoken to all of the teachers and they said they are okay with it. 

Teacher: You seem to have friends among the teaching staff. Mrs Pavlovic put in a word for you. Okay then, do it and go before I change my mind. [translated by @kieu-tou! Thank you!] 

Like. This is the bare bones version of a dialogue. This should be the first draft, not the final version. The coordinator goes from absolute no to yes, with just one line from Fatou. The coordinator gives reasons that would necessitate more than one sentence of counterargument, like Fatou’s absences and the Biology test leaked answers. The coordinator even says Fatou doesn’t have a lot of arguments on her side, and yet it takes Fatou one line to change her mind!

And of course we viewers don’t want or need a lot of time with the coordinator. And particularly at this point in the season, no one would enjoy a naturalistic dialogue with the coordinator of all people.  But my point is that this is an issue with the dialogue all this season (and last season as well, but this season has been more scrutinized), the reason I picked this example is because of how easy it is to see here.

Which brings us to the pacing of the clips, and specifically the Friday clips. Because the script goes straight to the information the team wants to convey to the viewers, skipping the build up to it, many Friday clips have fallen flat, felt abrupt, and have been, tbh, unsatisfying. Again, I had this issue in s5, but as that season went on, I felt like the team had a better grip on Friday clips. But then they did it again in the first Friday clip this season, and so I think this is something the writers really should work on. The first Friday clip in Isak’s season closes on Isak being sandwiched by Emma and Even on a bench, visually setting up the love triangle, or more accurately, the personifications of who Isak should want to hook up with and who he really wants. But in order to get there, we’re shown a good amount of info, from the way Vilde, Eva and Sana are handling Noora’s absence, to Chris and Kasper, Even hovering around Isak, Emma trying to impress Isak, Isak escaping and, like, draping himself on the walls because he’s so over it all. Isak playing a game on the bathroom to stall for time. The paper towel maneuver to immediately give us a sense of what a weirdo Even is. A conversation between Isak and Even that gives us some clues about Even’s shame, as well as establish interests in common (like weed), and this is all before Emma even joins them! Just think of all the stuff we learn about who Isak, Even, Emma, Eva, Vilde or Sana are as people, before we get to the point of the clip! Fatou’s season simply didn’t have that. Compare it with the first Friday clip of Fatou’s season where the cashqueens quickly talk about the leaked answers, one of the major storylines this season that only gets a couple lines, before Fatou says she doesn’t want to talk about school (Fatou’s struggles with school, another major storyline), and then we’re onto the point of the clip, which is that Kieu My likes girls too. AND FADE TO BLACK. When people say they want longer clips, what they mean isn’t artificially inflate the clip length or add more plot stuff. Just let us watch the characters interact with each other so that we get a feel for how they relate to each other. I know I wish we’d have gotten more of Ava and Fatou interacting with each other before things turned to shit, and Ava with the other girls, so that I know why they all like and value Ava so much. I wish we’d have gotten more of Kieu My talking to the cashqueens about, like, why she didn’t make use of the biology test answers, instead of getting it on a chat. Or food combos they don’t like. So it makes more sense that later on Kieu My actually thinks she and Fatou are friends.  And every line doesn’t have to count. In Skam España, the characters are constantly talking and not everything they ever talked about ended up being relevant. When one of the characters lied about her house undergoing renovations to hide the fact that she was poor, the characters joked about Italian marble and put on bad Italian accents and made that Italian hand gesture. None of this was important to the plot because those renovations weren’t real to begin with, but they made viewers feel like these were real friends joking around, instead of characters needing to hit every storyline beat in a clip.

I have this joke with my friends about Druck always going 🤪🤪 in the last third of every season, in which a season that was very tightly written and cohesive suddenly pulls something inexplicable and pretty much impossible to resolve in 1-3 episodes. Hanna’s season suddenly switching to Mia, Björn creeping on Mia in episode 9! of a total 10, David getting outed in episode 8 and then disappearing for a whole week, Amira’s season pivoting to Mia and Hanna. It has happened in every season except Nora’s, so I thought the team had learned its lesson, but then the forgotten date with Ava happened. To be clear. It really makes no sense that Nora would have hung out with Ava several times since Tuesday, and the topic of the cashqueens being officially introduced to Kieu My wouldn’t have come up. it’s just not realistic.gif I feel like at that point the writing for the rest of the reason became super contrived to keep Fatou miserable and apart from Kieu My and Ava to artificially delay the reunions until episode 9 and 10. Why add a cheating insinuation and the main checking her partner’s messages in episode 8 if you know you won’t be able to properly resolve it? Why make Kieu My mock Fatou’s “uhm” if it’s not going to be addressed in their reunion clip? Kieu My had taken the initiative for a lot of the relationship, so it’s okay for Fatou to take the initiative when it comes to making up. You don’t have to add things that can only be resolved through an expositional info dump. (Please no more exposition than it’s necessary! I think we’ve established that at this point lol.) In the case of Fatou’s season, this is even sadder because I feel like Kieu My’s intimacy issues could’ve been the reason to drive them apart for two weeks, rather than the Maya/uhm stuff. This could’ve also been resolved through Fatou and Kieu My explicitly negotiating their boundaries and how they want to be comforted and how they want to comfort each other, which I thought was the issue with Fatou rejecting Kieu My’s attempts to help while wanting physical touch, while Kieu My didn’t want to be touched but rather seen.  

There are going to be many thinkpieces on why a myriad of stuff didn’t work for people, so I’m going to keep this simple and address one last thing. I think that choosing to focus on Nora’s mental illness and Fatou’s disability is a great choice that doesn’t complicate the themes too much, but Druck (and all the Skams, but I’m invested only in Druck succeeding at this point) still struggles with being intersectional. This is the major reason why the Ava/Mailin storyline ended not with a bang, but a whimper. There just wasn’t enough work done to connect Fatou’s struggles not just to her disability, but also to her race (and even her sexuality). I think that if people really want (and lbr, it’ll be mostly poc who will put in that effort and work), they can see how Fatou’s race affected the way other people and especially adults reacted to her, but this wasn’t made explicit. If Ava and Mailin are going to argue about racism all season, why not connect that with Karin firing Fatou from Aquarius? As it stands, Karin fired Fatou because of a disability neither of them knew Fatou has, and that was the resolution to that storyline. Why not make it explicit that the Physics teacher had preconceived ideas about Fatou because Fatou is black? Why wasn’t Fatou’s disability addressed in the meeting with the coordinator? Why didn’t Fatou express to Mailin that Fatou, too, had issues with how Mailin was acting wrt racism? It felt like, with the way the season was putting so much emphasis on racism, all these threads were going to be connected. In the end though, it almost felt as if only Ava is affected by racism (aside from Mailin mentioning Fatou in the last episode). It’s not like talking about how racism affects Fatou is going to make the topic redundant for Ava’s or Ismail’s season. As a light-skinned black lesbian with a disability, Fatou’s life is going to be impacted by racism in a different way than Ava’s will, as a dark-skinned black fat straight cis girl, or Ismail’s, as a Turkish-German possibly Muslim possibly non binary person. All these experiences are specific enough, and different enough, that they can be touched upon in different seasons without becoming redundant. The fact that Fatou’s season almost seemed to forget at times that she is a black lesbian, doesn’t bode well for Ava’s and Ismail’s season to acknowledge all their struggles.

The bottom line is that this season really was great and did a lot of good, and I feel like the writing just needs to be tweaked a bit for further seasons to be even better and more enjoyable overall. I am very pleasantly surprised by how the team took s1-s4 fan feedback to heart and worked to implement suggestions, and so I really trust them and hope they keep working on the show. It’d be a shame if Druck wasn’t renewed, with this team at the helm.    

[emersonfreepress]

okay so is there content that you had planned for the ROs and story in general but then scrapped cause there wasn’t a good place in the story to stick it in? and if so, can you share what it was? 👀 👀 👀

yes, definitely. *rubs hands together* oh man, you done asked THE question today xD I can't wait to get into this 😁

Academics. I almost decided to have classes and grades be a minor part of gameplay, but the more time I spent designing it the more I realized I wanted nothing to do with it 😂 I haven’t really enjoyed academic gameplay in other interactive fiction because I 1) hate having to choose between studying and interacting with awesome characters, 2) have terrible short term memory, and 3) hate school in general!! So instead I just opted to have the MC be really good at school, point blank period so I could focus on social drama and relationships instead! 😆

Physical skills. I spent literal months crafting the catering scene around setting up stats for stamina/endurance, dexterity, and strength instead of just magnetism, confidence, and persuasion. They had their own backstories with the MC’s parents being overly invested sports parents instead and I think the background choices were like... martial arts, gymnastics, and track? But yeah, I ended up scrapping it all because I was spending hours on research about those individual sports so I could integrate them into the MC’s narrative organically but like... when I tried to think of what use they would be in the actual story, I came up blank. Best decision yet, esp since it means a lot less coding!

Skin tone customization. For one, I noticed that a lot of my favorite IFs don’t offer that customization and it hasn’t impacted my experience at all. For two, I originally realized I might as well not implement it since I am striving real hard not to introduce any customization that won’t actually be mentioned in interesting or meaningful ways in-story. I don’t think it’s really all that common for real life friends (esp in high school?) to comment or compliment each other’s skin and like... when it comes from someone who doesn’t share a similar complexion or ethnic background, that type of commentary gets... d i c e y. So then I wanted to be sensitive to that but what’s the pay-off? An RO mentioning how they love your skin tone once? Awkward sentences with the MC referring to their own skin color? Idk, just wasn’t vibing with it. I’m open to revisiting it in beta or something but for now it’s scrapped.

Singing, Rapping, and Gaming as Hobbies/Talents. I feel bad about scrapping these, honestly 😂 They’re great and I really wanted to incorporate them but it just came down to already having a lot of stuff to code. Plus, I know I can write the Hobbies/Talents I stuck with far better. And for Book 2 purposes, as well!

Leo. as @sourandflightypeaches ​​ asked me about a long while ago, I had to scrap an entire RO 😢 His name is Leo, he was the nephew of wealthy west African diplomats residing in Emerson, and I love him dearly! His backstory was largely based on my mother’s childhood and the circumstances she lived through after immigrating to America. and... ok, i’m about to go on one hell of a tangent so buckle up and bear with me if you can 😅

my intention with this story, aside from writing things that I personally enjoy (graphic violence, spooky woods, social drama, romance, conspiracies 😚), is to explore greed, wealth, and how the ways people and families interact with those two things influence young people and who they grow up to be. here i go sounding pretentious af 😝 and here’s where I apply a cut for those who want to preserve a little mystery to the main characters!

With Gabe, we’ve got someone who grew up with very little stability or financial security but who has found unscrupulous methods to gain status and money, with both noble and selfish motivations.

Kile has some of that childhood experience in common with Gabe, having been in the foster care system since infancy, but they lucked out when they were adopted into massive wealth by a caring, loving couple—a couple that uses their wealth and privilege to be far more lenient and protective of Kile than is actually reasonable or responsible.

Jack comes from a prestigious wealthy family on his dad’s side who he loves dearly but there’s no getting around the fact that they love him back as much as they despise his working class mom.

Jessie is a spoiled sweet heiress (being the baby of her family and the only girl) and while she lives blissfully ignorant of the harmful source and impact of her father's income and career, she bears the weight of the expectation to fulfill very traditional gender roles, including her behavior and appearance, but also extending to her career and life plans.

Rain's wealth led to them growing up sheltered and isolated but also extremely accommodated, giving them maximum freedom and opportunity to discover and develop their personal talents and interests. However, they have almost no positive relationship with their parents who have essentially decided to give up on a kid that couldn't be exactly the accessory they tried to mold them to be—both in terms of their identity and personality.

Rupan/Rohan, at their very core, rejects everything about conformity, self-importance, and excessive luxury—which means they have never, ever truly fit in with their peers. Going full non-conformist, however, has resulted in them becoming alienated from much of their family, as well, despite them all loving each other very much. Their history with false friends and betrayals has led them to over-indulge in their vices and reckless behavior to compensate for that isolation. Sometimes, they just get in over their head and many times, they know better. Every time, it's just that the feeling of finally belonging is utterly intoxicating.

Vivian/Vincent has two extremely successful parents who didn't inherit but instead built up their wealth and they aspire to be just like them, to a degree that is well and truly unhealthy. Their mother specifically is an over-achiever and applies mountainous pressure for them to follow in her footsteps, especially academically. Vi is completely capable of achieving what their mom expects of them, but they were already an extremely sensitive perfectionist so this has made them intensely critical of themself. This is a large part of why they are such a rigid, no-nonsense person and that in turn has made them one of the most disliked people among their peers—which is a huge personal failure to them since their father is a very well-liked and socially successful person in town.

And the Emersons are peak privilege: inherent high social status, brains, looks, charisma, athleticism, and massive wealth. They could never have been anything less than extremely popular, just by virtue of their last name and the nature of the town's social dynamics and politics. And they do enjoy that privilege (esp Curt lol). However, it should go without saying that being so high profile, even (or maybe especially) just in the isolated scope of your hometown, isn't always a boon. Their family's and their own perceived failings are widely discussed and privately mocked and/or celebrated. Real friends are scarce while fake ones and snakes are plentiful. Plus their dad is a gigantic dickhead who sees his kids as extensions of his own status and reputation and not much else. Public shortcomings make for an unbearable time at home and the world outside the estate is at once overly accommodating, full of assumptions, and even subtly hostile at times—all unrelated to their own actions or character.

And with the MC, I think the narrative will make it clear there are several ways that story can go. You start off with irresponsible parents that have lost their wealth due to their own mismanagement and material ambitions—how that affects any individual MC should differ based on choices and consequences!

So why bring any of that up when I was supposed to be talking about my cut OC? 😂😂

Leo was going to be the unwelcome recent addition to his uncle’s household, the son of a brother his aunt hates for (petty af) Reasons, and she took that resentment out on him directly by restricting his access to nearly every aspect of the family's wealth. Especially material goods and living conditions. He was basically treated like the help, tasked with playing nanny for his many younger cousins and burdened with doing the homework and providing academic cover for his dumb as rocks cousin in the same grade as you all. To sum it up, he was basically a victim of trafficking at the hands of his own family with his uncle out of town enough to feign ignorance to how bad his wife was treating his nephew and his aunt going out of her way to keep him busy, at home, and isolated. This is sadly a super common form of trafficking in Francophone African cultures (although I don't think most people view it as trafficking. and I’m sure the same is true of other cultures but I don’t want to speak outside of my purview). And like I mentioned above, it’s how my own mom's (and idek how many cousins') child/teenhood went.

It’s a perspective on modern wealth, privilege and greed that I really, really wanted to tell. I am confident in saying it hasn't been explored in interactive fiction yet (though correct me—and direct me 👀—if I'm wrong) and out of all the wealth/greed explorations I came up with, it's the one I have the closest personal ties to and the strongest feelings about. The characters and plans I had for it were detailed and I'm proud of them but at the end of the day... I just couldn't find a place for Leo in the story at large.

Leo was, in fact, the last main character I came up with, when I had already designed and fleshed out the larger story and started crafting the timeline of major events. I think the worst thing I could have done for a story and perspective that I care about this much is shove it into a plot that didn't have room for it at the very base level, regardless of how well the character or his story is written. Shoe-horned characters always stick out. I didn’t want to disservice Leo by having him be the character that did nothing or could be removed from the main plot without affecting it at all, y’know? That’s so much worse than just forgoing the indulgence, imo :((

ugh.... Leooooo 😭 I'm so sorry bb, I failed youuu 😥

[dragonsdreamoffire]

The Taste Of What I Know Isn’t Home

So this is literally more than self-indulgent, this is a retelling of a personal story, the beginning is summarized but I was really telling this story as I ate it and needed to write and share it, so I do hope you like it! This is really personal to me, and a story I pulled out of my heart 🥰

“The uhm, the leaf too?” I ask skeptically, raising the foiled concoction at my mother, biting my lip as I faintly recall gagging and spitting out something with seeds.

“Well yes, of course,” my mother replies, amused. “You’ve had it, at that restaurant, remember?”

“I remember yes, but I remember it better at the wedding we attended, I spit it out for being so bitter.” I deadpan, staring at the foil with a growing small smile, homesick-

No. Not homesick. Not for a place that I can’t call home.

The car starts moving, and I’ve unwrapped the foil after some difficulty. I look at the leaf, wrapped around a stuffing I’m unsure of, and I smile, larger now. I remember this small dessert, a little roll, of seeds and sweet things surrounded by a lettuce-like leaf.

Taking it into my mouth, I hesitate for a moment, before putting it in. However, shocked by the leaf again, I remove it, stuffing coming out from the bottom a bit.

I get nervous, not wanting to spill it. I grab some filling that dropped into the foil and taste it. The sweetness hits immediately, and I grin. It’s the seeds I know, but sweeter. It’s the seeds from home-

No. No, I remember. Not home.

I try again, and my teeth break through the leaf this time. Entering the filling, the delicious texture and taste coming through to me.

But, then the leaf hits me. And suddenly I’m walking in Pakistan again, tobacco on the roads and a slight taste in the air. Its incredible, thrilling. It makes me so nostalgic. It feels like deja by, a feeling of returning somewhere. I can see wires from telephone poles in the air, see the cracked paint of buildings, and I can hear the cries of vegetable farmers as they trail around with their carts, hear the ice cream truck on its daily rounds.

It’s like I can smell the vendors on the roads, the air conditioner in the malls, the parks aroma, the food in our kitchen, the smell of my grandma’s kitchen in her home, my home.

No. Not my home.

It’s got such a different flavor. Imagine fresh and sparky mint, the clearness of the flavor. It’s spicy in a non-hot way, there is all the sharpness without the need to cry for water.

There is sweetness and a crunch to the leaf and the clear, breath-sweetening minty feeling to it, and it is all so much like home-

And I remind myself forcefully once more. I can not call it home. It is my birthplace. I can not call it home.

Because this is my home, America. I detest it at times and always hope to move somewhere with affordable healthcare at least, but the place you live for so many years is not easily forgotten. The place you’ve been raised in since you could talk has such depth and memories. That is your home.

And I’m reminded of those people, the ones who yell.

“Go back to where you came from!!”

“You don’t belong here!!”

“Go home!”

And what can I say but how much Pakistan can not truly be my home. But I can not mention that it is still a part of me.

I can not mention that entering that airport is a clear memory even now, that seeing wide smiles and open arms is a memory I’d die if I forgot, that entering that car and driving on those roads is a memory I treasure.

I can not mention that entering those gates of the garage, and walking up those stairs to that oh-so-familiar living room and kitchen and doors makes me smile on the worst days, and cry as well because of the wishes to see it again. That after my grandma died they’ve decided to sell that oh-so-familiar house, and what I’m left with is a bitter feeling of loss that has multiplied, though it has been two hears since her passing already.

I can not begin to describe how I’ve moved to a completely different place then where I lived all my life, and now I’m left with no real place to call home at all.

I am left with a feeling of freshness in my mouth, as if I brushed my teeth, and a bittersweet taste as well. Metaphorical or literal, I can no longer tell.

I do not want to have to justify my existence, but I can not call it my home even if I wished to stand up to them.

And the places I can call home dwindle to zero.

@quietlegends @dorki-time @angiebug101 @blackweebtrash @moxie-elle @her-majesty-kiara @imabitobsessedlove @solar3lunar @vanteyves