#I AM NOT A PART OF YOUR LIFE I'M THE ANNOYING DOG YOU DIDN'T WANT TO HAVE TO TAKE CARE OF

[nexus-nebulae]

my fucking god why do i have to do all the fucking work with communication

[inkskinned]

before you know about women, you hear that you do not need to love the man, just that you need to love him through his manhood. which is to say you have seen the future painted in lamb's blood over your eyes - how your mother shoots you a look about your father's inability to cook right. how your aunt holds her wineglass and says i'm gonna kill em. men, right! how your best friend bickers with her boyfriend, how she says i can't help it. i come back to him.

you learn: men are gonna cheat. men aren't going to listen when you're talking, because you're nagging. men think emotions are stupid. they think your life is vapid and your hobbies are embarrassing. men will slam things, but that's because men are allowed to be angry. if you get loud, you're hysterical. if a man gets loud - well, men are animals, men are dogs, men can't control their hands or their eyes or their bodies. they're going to make a snide comment about you in the locker room, about your body, about how you're so fucking annoying. you're going to give him kids, and he will give you the money for the kids, and you're going to be running the house 24/7 - but he gets to relax after a long day, because his job is stressful. the man is on stage, and is a comedian, and says "women!"

and you are supposed to love that. you are supposed to love men through how horrible they are to you - because that's what women do. that's what good women do. wife material. your father even told you once - it'll make sense when you're older. it was like staring down a very lonely tunnel.

it feels like something's caught in your throat, but it's all you know, so. it's okay that you see sex as a necessary tool, a sort of okay-enough ritual to keep him happy, even though he doesn't seem to care about happiness as-applied-to you. it is relationship upkeep. it is kissing him and smiling even though he didn't brush his teeth. it is getting on your knees and looking up and holding back a sigh because he barely holds you as you panic through the night. it's not like the sex is bad and you do like feeling wanted. and besides! he's a man! like... they're another species. you'll never be able to actually communicate, right. he isn't listening.

you just don't get it. you don't feel that sense of i'm gonna climb him like a tree. mostly it just feels fucking exhausting. you play the part perfectly. you smile and nod and are "effortlessly" charming. and it's fine! it's alright! you even love him, if you're looking. you could have good life, and a good family, and perfectly happy.

in the late night you google: am i broken. you google i'm not attracted to my husband. you google i get turned on by books but not by him. you google how to get better in bed.

the first time he yells at you, it almost feels like blankness. like - of course this is happening. this is always how it was going to end up. men get angry, and they yell, and you sit there in silence.

you mention it to your friend - just the once - while you're drunk. she shrugs and says it's like that with me too, i just try to forget and move on. men are always gonna hear what they want to. pick your battles and say sorry even though he's in the wrong. you play solitaire online for a month. you go to your therapist appointment and preach about how you're both so in love.

after all, you have a future to want. nobody lied about it - how many instagram posts say marriage is hard. say real love takes work. say we fight like cats and dogs but the best part is that we always make up. how many of your friends say happy anniversary to the best and worst thing to ever happen to me. if you really loved him - loved yourself too - you'd accept that men are just different from you.

the first time she kisses you, it's on a dare at a party. something large and terrifying whips through your body. you wake up sweating from dreams where her mouth is encrusted with pearls and you pick them off one by one with your teeth. fuck. you sit at the computer and your almost-finished game of sim city. you think about your potential perfect life and your potential future family. you google am i gay quiz with your little hands shaking.

you delete each letter slowly. you don't need to love him. you just need to keep going.

[buckysegan]

With all my heart, my love and my unfiltered adoration - Part three.

Summary: The letters back and forth between our loves through the rest of the war. Word Count: 2.1K A/N: we are def rolling with some historical inaccuracies in regards to letters here but sue me, do i know how long the letters took? not a clue. but google gave us a good guess. john egan how i miss you, i need your love so here i give you mine. Part two link.

Dear Major Egan,

I'm delighted to hear I'm with you. I hope you know, that you've been with me too. It's rather insane to me if I think about it too much, just how much I've thought about you in the time that I've waited for your letters. Part of me was worried that you would think I was a little crazy righting to a man I didn't know and an even bigger part of me was worried my letters would reach you too late, but I'm glad you were happy to hear from me.

I don't mind that you're a simple guy, in fact I think I like that, then I won't have to worry about impressing you whilst we write back and forth I can just say what comes to mind. I like to think that I laugh quite easily myself, laughter is free right? And right now I think we could all use a little laughter in the world. I'll tell you my favorite song next and then you can tell me yours, I love you are my sunshine, it warms something in my chest whenever it comes on, I just can't help but smile you know? Your turn John!

I wish I could know exactly where you are, then I could know if you were some place safe but I'll settle for knowing you're still out there. As for me, I'm in Washington, Redmond to be more precise, is that anywhere near where you're from? I'd like to meet you very much Major.

With all my anticipation, excitement and continued adoration,

A friend from home x

Dear Darling,

That's what the boys have been calling you ever since your second letter arrived and given I don't know your name, that's what I decided to roll with. I hope that's alright.

I have no idea how your letters keep finding me at the exact right time, it's like fate keeps leaving it till it knows I need to hear from you. You should also know, it wouldn't matter to me if you were a little crazy, I know I'm crazy so you'd just fit right in. I don't think anyone that thinks laughter is free could be considered crazy though. You seem to good for such a thing.

I've had you are my sunshine stuck in my head for the past few days whilst I tried to find paper to write you. I think the boys were grateful at first because I wasn't sinking Blue Skies my old favorite, now I think they're ready to kill us both darling. Next question, do you like cats or dogs more? I'm not telling you my answer till I know you can be trusted.

I am with you. Know that much, and I guess Washington will be my first stop when I'm back home.

Please never stop writing.

With all my wondering, respect and ever growing adoration

John Egan

Dear John,

I could have given you my name. But I've decided that darling will do quite nicely for now. If you want to know my name you're going to have to make it home and come and get it yourself.

Is it sad of me to confess that every day I don't get your letter I get a little bit sadder until one comes through? I just hate the wait each time even though I know that these things take time. Writing you might just be the most stressful thing I decided to be. How does anyone's heart survive doing this?

You'll be pleased to know, I've been annoying the girls plenty in return with Blue Skies since learning that it's your favourite. I feel like it tells me a lot about you Major. Sing it for me sometime? I also feel like your question is a trick, a cat and a dog have very different purposes in life so I'll just chose both if that's ok?

I wanted to tell you I joined the war efforts myself since I last wrote. I'm in the factories now and I have to admit, I've never enjoyed having dirty hands so much. I'm helping to build the planes. The wings specifically, I think they put me here because I wouldn't stop talking about my pilot John.

I wonder if anything I ever build will make it across to you? My letters won't stop as long as yours don't John.

With all my curiosity, joy and bursting adoration.

Your darling from home x

Dear Darling,

I'm in a terrible mood. Buck said I can't start my letter like that but I told him you'd be alright. You don't mind do you? I have to tell someone or I think I might actually start going a little crazy. I might already be crazy if I didn't get just as excited as you do when the mail call comes through.

I wish I knew you before the war. I wish you knew me before the war, I fear I might not be the John that came to England. I don't even know if I'm the John that start writing you all those months ago. I'm just sort of hoping you won't give up on me anyway even if my letters ain't always sunshine.

And I'm glad darling, I'm so god damn glad that waiting on my letters is the most stressful part of your day. Reminds me why we're doing this, what we're over here for. To keep you all safe at that side.

I suppose I can give you cats and dogs though. I wouldn't want to pick either if we really had to come down to it. My girls smart though huh? Making those planes for us to fly? I gotta say the idea of that does something to me and my bad mood in a good way.

What I wouldn't give to be home with you right now and I never even met you.

My longing, wishing and steady adoration

John Egan

Dear John

You can write to me, come rain or shine, bad moods or good. I don't want to just be here for the fun parts Major. I may not have known you before the war, and I may only just be learning who you are now but I don't doubt for a second, every part of you is worth knowing so tell Buck that I'll take it all and he can keep his opinions to himself.

I'm sorry, it was thoughtless of me to say writing letters were stressful when you're over there doing what needs to be done. More news keeps reaching us and each day I am terrified that your name is going to appear on a list somewhere.

I know that you can't be here, and I can't be there, but I wanted you to have some small piece of me with you so I sent you something with this letter. Keep smiling with me John, through the good and the bad, just keep smiling if you can.

I hope to see you so soon.

All my determination, strength and adoration

Darling x

Dear Darling,

Buck said he's sorry. He won't ever doubt you again. I think you two would really like each other you know.

He's my voice of reason these days, or rather he always has been. One of my two favorite people, him here, and you all the way over there. How is home? Does it still smell as sweet as I remember it?

I'm a little convinced that you're too good to be true darling. Your picture caused more whistles and taunts that I've seen from the boys in forever and I would have knocked them all on their ass if Buck didn't strike and tell me to sit down again. How do you not have a solider of your own to be writing too?

Sometimes when I get down time. I like to day dream about what you're up to over there. How many planes you fixed up for us, imagine taking you dancing on a Friday night, do you have siblings? Your folks still around? I've been trying to picture it all.

I dream of that soon more than I care to admit.

With all my promises, thoughts and adoration

John Egan

Dear John,

I'm glad you have a voice of reason. We wouldn't want you getting up to any trouble now would we? Are you the sort to be in trouble a lot? I get the impression you could be Major Egan.

How are your moods holding up these days? I can't help but worry about you over here even when I'm meant to be busy.

If you could see the blush that you have all caused you would all be ashamed of yourself. I promise I'm real. I tried to get my friend Meg to let me send a picture of her but she claimed you were really going to show up here one day and then you'd be looking for the wrong girl.

I like the idea of you imagining things. It means I'm not the only one. I do have siblings, an older sister who works in the factories with me, and a little brother who is out fighting with you somewhere but his own girl writes him. My folks are both still here with me too. What's your family like?

I do have a solider of my own to be writing John, I have you.

Tell me a secret if you can?

Your darling x

Dear Darling,

Forgive me because this letter will be short, but I needed to send it out before we move. If you don't hear from me in a while, don't worry, I'll write back as soon as I'm able. I want that name, I want the dancing, I want you to meet my mom when I'm back.

You want to know a secret darling? I think it's taken me ten letters to fall in love with you after all you've given me.

With my heart, my love and my unfiltered adoration

John Egan

Dear John,

I'm writing even if you might not get this because I refuse to believe anything else other than you're busy for a while. I'll be over here waiting for you remember. I'm with you even when I'm not.

I have so much more to tell you and things I want to learn before I am satisfied.

In fact, no I may never be satisfied and then I never have to let you go.

You'll be in each of my thoughts till I hear from you again John, I think loving you took me one letter.

With all my heart, my love and my unfiltered adoration

Your darling x

Dear John

I don't think I've taken a real breath in weeks. I figured I would write you again, just in case the first one didn't reach you and you thought I hadn't wrote back.

Your name hasn't appeared on any lists so I refuse to believe that you're not still out there waiting to come home to me.

In case you missed it in the first letter, I love you too.

I am still expecting you home John Egan, I'd be with you till you were. That was the deal right?

With all my heart, my love and my unfiltered adoration

Your darling x

Dear John

If my letters and love don't reach you where do they go?

Tell me more secrets please? Tell me anything? Tell me you'll sing for me like I asked? What do I do if I never get to meet you?

I've checked each list I've found twice every day for months now. Meg said I'm a mess but I don't really care, I just want to know that you're alright. Even if you're not coming here. Please just tell me you're safe John.

With all my heart, my love and my unfiltered adoration

Your darling x

Dear Darling,

Sorry, I didn't think a little while would be that long but I've thought of you every damn day I couldn't write to you. I got your letters, all three of them made it to my base some how.

I'm hoping I beat this letter home so that I can tell you in person that I love you.

I hope you like what arrives in Washington darling, but please bare with me if it takes me a second to adjust. I'll tell you everything, all of it, anything you want to know about me. I feel like I have very little to offer you but it's all for you now. I'll be home so soon.

With all my heart, my love and my unfiltered adoration

Yours,

John Egan

[peaxhygirl]

𝙰𝚁𝙼𝙰𝙽𝙳𝙾 𝙰𝚁𝙴𝚃𝙰𝚂 𝚇 𝙵𝙴𝙼𝙰𝙻𝙴 𝚁𝙴𝙰𝙳𝙴𝚁

: ̗̀➛𝚃𝚑𝚒𝚜 𝚒𝚜 𝚊 𝙱𝙻𝙰𝙲𝙺 𝚏𝚎𝚖𝚊𝚕𝚎 𝙾𝙲

: ̗̀➛𝚂𝚞𝚖𝚖𝚊𝚛𝚢: On the final night of an AMMO investigation their bust is blown up by an unexpected party.

: ̗̀➛𝙰𝙽: Hey y'all! This is my first time writing in a while, so it hope it doesn't suck lmao. Let me know if you guys are interested in this series cause I got lots more to come!

AMMO's newest addition to the team was Armando Aretas. That's right, the same Armando Aretas that had been a convicted drug dealer, cop killer, and fugitive.

It took some serious string pulling but Rita and Judy managed to get Armando amnesty due to his help with bringing down Lockwood and McGrath. It took a while, but they managed to get it done. In exchange, he needed to work with Miami PD.

Armando was a dangerous man, that was true enough, but he was also an asset. Better to have him on your team than to be against him. Plus, it helped everyone keep an eye on him. He hadn't quite earned the trust of those in his new life.

There was a part of him that didn't care. He'd lived this long without the approval or validation of others, so what was different? Then there was a part of him that wanted to put that behind him. His previous life was a tiresome one.

AMMO had been steaking out a night club for about a week. They'd finally gathered enough proof for them to carry out their raid. Tonight was the night, they just needed to get the green light from their UC.

"Yo, Mike. You think we could stop at that hot dog shack on the corner after this?" Marcus attempted to whisper but the small space in the truck provided no privacy. "Hell no, Marcus. Teresa just said your cholesterol was sky high and you gained about three pounds this month."

"Uh.., now, see. Did you have to put my business out there like that, Mike?" Armando shook his head. His father and surrogate uncle were admittedly the best part of his new life, even if they were annoying. "Will you two shut up?" He muttered.

Kelly and Dorn's smirks of amusement always seemed to be present whenever they were with the three men. "Hey hey hey. What's happening?"

Armando's eyes locked on the commotion breaking out on the scene. The place was getting swarmed. Their UC hadn't sent the signal so it sure as shit wasn't them. A woman appeared on screen gun drawn and shouting for everybody to get down. "Who the fuck is that?"

After the raid ended, AMMO exited their van. Armando charging over to the woman who was speaking to who he could only assume she was debriefing to. This woman was clearly police, but she wasn't with them, so as far as he was concerned-- She was out of line. The area was lit up with flashing red and blue lights, cops littered throughout the parking lot, but he was zeroed in on her.

"What the fuck was that and who the fuck are you?" His accent thick in anger at this woman who'd just blew up his mission. His first big chance at showing the team he was really with them.

"Excuse me? You better back the fuck up that's who the fuck I am. Who the fuck are you?" She was feisty that's for sure, responding to him in the same way he'd come at her. In all honesty, it'd taken her a moment to register he was speaking to her because, what?? His hostility towards her was at an all time high for someone who she'd never laid eyes on before.

"Your little raid fucked up our cocaine bust." His nostrils flared in anger as he stepped to the woman a few inches shorter than him. "Or maybe your cocaine bust got in the middle of my prostitution bust." She shot back. "Again, who the hell are you?" The low rasp of his voice was venomous. "I don't answer to you, I don't even know who you are. Let's start with that before charging over here like you hot shit or something."

Armando opened his mouth to respond but was cut off by Marcus. "Hey! Ok, everyone. Let's just calm down." Marcus laughed nervously, stepping between the two of them. "Miss, I'm so sorry for Armando. You know, it's that Latin fire in 'em. Hard to turn off. Um, I'm Marcus and We're AMMO. You are?"

"Raven." Her tone softened but her eyes still blazed with anger in the direction of the young male, who was admittedly cute but clearly had her fucked up. "Vice."

[theminecraftbee]

Vintagebeef and time loop?

The second-most annoying thing, he thinks, is that his crops just won't grow.

He's wanted to retire for a while now. Head out and live on a farm. Get some rest. Not have to worry about gunfire and business fronts and drugs and appearances and being in charge. He'd known he wouldn't be able to escape fully. Beef always knew he was on a timer, no matter how he tried to bury the hatchet and bury his past behind you. It always catches up.

He had a big name. He had a big life. He can't just retire from being head of Big Salmon, even if his loyal Skizzleman is the only person he told where he was going. One day, someone will catch up with him, and perhaps if he's lucky they'll turn his tractor into a car bomb. If he's unlucky, it'll be personal.

So in a lot of ways, really, the fact he keeps on waking up in the morning is a gift. It may be the same morning over and over again, sure, but he collects the eggs from his chickens, and he pats his dog, and he feeds his pigs, and he feels the sun shine on his face in a place that smells nothing like asphalt and fumes.

If his tomatoes would grow, it'd be nearly perfect, getting to wake up again and again in the sun like this. It's better than a man like him deserves, really. And it may be Wednesday, and Wednesday, and no tomorrows, but he didn't have himself much of a tomorrow anyway, and collecting the eggs from the chickens is nearly as good as harvesting the crops.

Quiet, and peaceful.

Or it should be. But see: the crops not growing are the second-most annoying thing.

The first most annoying is--

"HALLO! I have decided that this time, I am announcing I am here to assassinate you, ah? That way, you won't see it coming and manage to escape."

Beef groans and puts his head in his hands. A red dot appears on his temple.

"Don't try to run. You have a lovely home, of course, and I don't want to put holes in it. You've repaired those holes real fast, I have to say. You're a real hole expert. No, wait, that sounds terrible in English. Ah well, I'll just say it again."

It's him again.

"...hello? VintageBeef? I have been hired to kill you by your rivals? You aren't even moving. See, this is how you always get me. You do not move and I think I have killed you, then I come back in the morning and it is fixed! Very strange, very strange."

He hasn't realized it's a time loop. Somehow. Beef's tried to tell him. It's a little hard when he's busy being as annoying as possible, and ruining what would otherwise be the best chance for Beef to retire he's got.

"Well, okay, I guess I'll just pull the trigger. This is boring. You're boring, except for the part where you won't die. Hey, wait, maybe you can introduce me to your chickens instead? So next time I can bring you a totally safe chicken."

"Go away," Beef says.

"But I'm being paid so much money to kill you!" the famed assassin codenamed Iskall85 says. "We're friends, aren't we?"

"No!"

"But I've tried to do this so many ways!"

"Have you considered there's a reason it's not working?"

Iskall considers for a moment. "Naaaaah," he says, and Beef's instincts flare all at once. He dives to the ground as Iskall takes the shot. "Awww, no fair. I thought you were not moving."

"What do you want from me," Beef says.

"I mean, I feel like I've been pretty clear," Iskall says, and Beef doesn't say that he's not even asking Iskall at this point. He's asking the universe. He's asking this Wednesday. He's asking why this has happened to him.

The universe, of course, does not respond, and Beef ducks behind cover for yet another day of his peaceful time loop retirement being completely ruined.

[delusionalwriter02]

HEY. UR IG POST ITS 💗🩷💗🩷💗🩷💗🩷💗🩷💗💗🩷💗🩷💗 please chuuya gf hc

Insta as Chuuya's GF

a/n : hello! thank you so much for your request!!

<3 liked by Daze_i, Chu_uya and 108 others.

Yn_theoneandonly : Look at this MAN, getting burn by the sun

Daze_i : Even the sun don't won't you on earth Chu

↳ Chu_uya : And the whole universe don't want you

↳ Yn_theoneandonly : DON'T START AGAIN YOU TWO

↳ Daze_i : sorry

↳ Chu_uya : I'm sorry love

↳ Yosanurgirl : didn't know you where so persuasive girl

↳ Yn_theoneandonly : I'm surprised too

Akutagawa : So instead of going with me on the mission you were out in town ?

↳ Chu_uya : Hard to say you're wrong

↳ Akutagawa : I'm so done with you

↳ Chu_uya : Did it go well ?

↳ Akutagawa : Yes of course.

↳ Chu_uya : so no need to worry

↳ Akutagawa : Like you would

↳ Chu_uya : yeah I don't care

<3 liked by Yosanurgirl, Atshushiii and 187 others

Yn_theoneandonly : feel like a babysitter

Yosanurgirl : weren't you supposed to be on a date ? tf is Dazai doing with you

↳ Yn_theoneandonly : yeah it was supposed to be just Chuuya and I but we bumped into him and he stuck with us

↳ Yosanurgirl : I'm so sorry

↳ Yn_theoneandonly : thank you love

↳ Daze_i : why do you act like it's atrocious to be with me ?

↳ Yosanurgirl : because it is

Gintonic : Did he got his hat back ?

↳ Chu_uya : yeah i did, this fucker ran for 30min

↳ Gintonic : suck to be you

↳ Daze_i : CHU YOU'LL NEVER GET RESPECTED

↳ Chu_uya : DON'T CALL ME CHU

↳ Yn_theoneandonly : Chu can you buy some bread on your way home ?

↳ Chu_uya : Of course my love

↳ Daze_i : WHY IS SHE ALLOWED TO CALL YOU CHU BUT NOT ME ???

↳ Chu_uya : She's my GIRLFRIEND

↳ Daze_i : And i'm not ???

↳ Chu_uya : no ?????

<3 liked by Yosanurgirl, Gintonic and 156 others.

Daze_i : he's the biggest simp i ever saw

Yosanurgirl : stop they're adorable, finally a man on his knees in front of a women

↳ Daze_i : I can be on my knees

↳ KunikiDA : stop it's getting embarassing

↳ Atshushiii : Yeah Dazai you should stop talking

Gintonic : real question, why are you always with them ????

↳ Daze_i : because I've dedicated my life to annoying chuuya

↳ Gintonic : just find someone ??

↳ Daze_i : why would i do that ?

↳ Chu_uya : so you're less a piece of shit ???

↳ Daze_i : that was MEAN

Yn_theoneandonly : thank you for this photo but please just find someone, i can't have a moment with chuuya without you being there

↳ Daze_i : do you hate me that much ???

↳ Chu_uya : yes THAT much

↳ Yosanurgirl : he's like a dog, following you everywhere and lost without you two

↳ Yn_theoneandonly : YES EXACTLY

↳ Daze_i : TO THE STRAY DOGS CHEERS

↳ Yosanurgirl : That was NOT A COMPLIMENT

<3 liked by Chu_uya, Daze_i and 126 others.

Yn_theoneandonly : choosing the right bottle for our 4 years

Chu_uya : 4 years of pure happiness

↳ Yn_theoneandonly : i love SO MUCH

↳ Chu_uya : me too angel

Yosanurgirl : omg already 4 years, feels like yesterday

↳ Daze_i : i know right ???

↳ Yosanurgirl : you sound obsessed

↳ Yn_theoneandonly : he is

↳ Daze_i : It's not MY fault if nobody wants to do a double suicide

↳ Atsushiii : Just don't propose a double suicide idk it's just a proposition

↳ Daze_i : but how am i supposed to find the right person if I don't

↳ Ranthebestpo : by being a normal human being ?

↳ Yn_theoneandonly : he is everything BUT normal

↳ Chu_uya : lol but t

↳ Yosanurgirl : .........

↳ Yn_theoneandonly : I'm so breaking up

↳ Chu_uya : NO PLEASE I'M SORRY

↳ Daze_i : Ynnnnn want to double suicide with me since you're single ?

↳ Chu_uya : SHE'S NOT SINGLE

Hey! Hope you like it ? Let me know wich characters you would like to see next, I can do part 2 too for any characters I already did so don't hesitate!

See you <3

[loveyourlovelysoul]

I really have a weird and difficult relationship with love. I kind of was taught I need to be enough to receive it, to give it away mostly (people please) and to never ask for it or anything much. To settle with whatever I could get and even be thankful about it. To fly low. I also was taught to not be too much, to not ask as I would be getting a no and that this would have been somehow bad (me not being enough ig), to really do not annoy others or be a bother. And that often I'm a bother and too much. And even bad, so I need to behave well and obey, do not get out of a fixed route that everyone considers perfect and good for me (do I too, honestly?) and make everyone proud of me so that I could feel okay and safe. But part of me always wanted more, never really understood the reasons behind this (yes, playin' it safe... but is it so?). I wanted to be seen, to be acknowledged, to be accepted and loved for the person I am, even wrong, even bad, even difficult. Am I really that difficult anyway? I think the main point is that I wasn't taught about self respect, or I kind of was taught it's something negative, as if it was selfishness (especially boundaries/privacy)... when actually it's far from that. Maybe my caregivers just followed their control/anger issues and narcissism, and kind of unconsciously manipulated me and my need for love to please them and behave properly (so that they could feel enough, safe and okay; judging me while actually judging themselves).

But anyway... despite this need for more, I closed myself off from love. I kept giving it away, doing my best, often failing anyway (when others project their needs on us and how they see themselves on us, they cannot accept anything less than whatever they consider perfect and even then, it may not be enough as it's them not feeling enough anyway). I have tried loving, but it never went well. Being blocked, being a weirdo scared of how I was feeling (not fully being aware of that either) and how I was making others feel, I scared/pushed away many people and others just left cause they couldn't get to give to me the way they wanted to. And at times I couldn't even give properly to them either: I think in order to give, we need to know what we're giving, and also to learn to receive to understand that feeling better. I came to think it was better to love people who didn't know about me, love them in silence and imagine (daydream) a fake me (a better me) and a fake life with them... it was safer: they could never push me away but only love me the way I wanted them to (even toxic love, as I thought that was the good kind of love for me). Not sure this was the reason behind my feelings, but I guess? Anyway there's nothing bad in wanting to be wanted, accepted or loved, at all. But it may be wrong what value we give to that act (or its absence) on us. What we make it mean. If our worth only resides in how much we get and how deserving we feel for others, than that's not good.

But love is something nobody knows much about, they don't teach you about it in school nor at home (unless you have a dog: you can taste unconditional love this way, something you'll always miss in your life after first trying it). Nobody is really ready when it comes to it, we all deal with some demons in our heart anyway. This is why we need to be patient and talk, also with ourselves. It's something you try, learn through the way, make lot of mistakes about, feel weird and unacceptable, unapproachable... and then it's confidence again when you start getting a little back again (but we lose it when the other person gives attentions to other people... jealousy is often a sign of our insecurity and fear of losing someone that we "possess" cause we see in them our only worth and lovability; but why don't we trust them respecting us and choosing us anyway? If they have red flags is it really entirely our fault -us not being enough for them compared with the third person- -and is it really so or just our fear sabotaging us-?). It's too much focused on the outside, on how much we get and how "acceptable" we feel according on whatever social standard we consider we should fit into (we just find flaws in us or in others, if we feel not enough for them), but love should start within, knowing how to love ourselves and what we desire and need, and how to meet those desires and needs. Knowing our worth, knowing how much love and respect we deserve just because we're alive and we have to do nothing impossible to receive it (and that basic respect and kindness have nothing to do with a love interest, very often: we may mistake them as so as we're not used to feel enough and when we do... it must be something very big). Doing what's best for us, accepting only what's really best for us: when we don't, when we only want to be loved (even if what we get is only what we think love is or should be and not what it really is) we just fall into others' traps and play games we may not even want to play to start with (be it in friendships or romatic relationships). And not trying to change others so they meet our standards (the same ones we were taught we need so much to meet to feel lovable enough) or change ourselves to fit their likes (they may be leaving anyway sooner or later, if they are the ones not feeling enough for us). I think love is a meeting of two people working together toward the same goal which is learning and improving, making life less bad and sharing every part of it, every part of them (despite some secrets about our past and stuff we feel bad about are okay to be kept). But it doesn't always work, and that's okay. It only means we weren't the right person for each other. It's not that we're unlovable, especially not at all. We are enough to be loved, even if someone cannot love us the way we would want them to. Someone else will, for sure. Receiving (or saying) a no in a specific situation, of whatever kind it may be, doesn't mean we're gonna get no's forever in every situation because that's what we are enough for or what we deserve (or that we're pretending too much and cannot settle or won't be able to find anyone anymore). Do not make a specific situation something general about your life and/or you.

Move the focus away from those people and remember not everyone thinks the same: being pushed away even more than once by the same type of people (cause we were always searching for love in the people who couldn't give it to us, just because we wanted to prove ourselves we were enough for them -but it's not us the problem...) doesn't mean we cannot change how we look at things (us, love) and start searching for love in the people who can actually see us and love us for who we are. It doesn't mean we're any less, it doesn't mean we're not lovable or that the first people were right. It doens't mean these people loving us are doing it out of pity or because they want something from us. It means they prolly are just the right ones for us. And that maybe we've just learned a little more about us, our worth and how lovely and deserving we are. So we're accepting what we really want and need. And are no more afraid to ask or try, even if things still look deeply scary and we're not really sure of how they'll turn out to be. But we know we have ourselves by our side, and we can survive anything. And being vulnerable is okay: if someone takes advantage of us it's not our fault, not us being naive, it's them not being correct or respectful of another human being. It's not about love or our worth. If we give trust, we're not responsible of what others do with that trust. Love needs vulnerability, needs openness to possible pain. Asks us to not cage ourselves: only this way we can really experience it fully and for real. And find what it is and should be for us (everyone of us has their own definition of love, their own needs and all, and that's fine! Find people who share yours, or that can understand them and meet them through proper compromise with you. Communication is always the key in relationships). And please, find people who supports you and your dreams, and don't block you at every given chance just because (prolly) they want to be the best among you two or because they fear losing you (and try to make you believe you cannot make it). You deserve to try, to ask and fly high always.

[renaiswriting]

Shadows of Desire (part 5)

Pairing: Yoon Jeonghan/Reader

Summary:

You always thought the only romance you would experiment with in your life was the one between pages under the flames at midnight. That was until you found him, because the feel of his fangs digging into your neck was more than addictive.

Warnings: mentions of alcohol and blood.

Word count: 3.3k

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"You let that stupid dog inside again? It's going to break another pillow." Your brother complained. You hummed in response, your eyes leaving the pages of the book you were reading to see what your brother was doing.

"Looking handsome today again? Are you and Mark going to that bar again?" You wondered. Mark had come to break the news of a new bar opening fifteen minutes away from your house around a week ago, and ever since then both of them had been going there every single day and night without missing a beat.

"It's not even lunch time yet." You frowned; your brother had been getting more and more comfortable with alcohol that early in the morning in the past few days, and you didn't like it one bit.

"We're going to have lunch there," he answered, closing the buttons of his jacket. "I'm meeting Mark along the way, so see you later. Get that dog out of the house, would you?" He protested before closing the door behind himself.

You sighed, changing the page you were reading. "Man, am I right, Jiji?" You asked the dog, and Jiji didn't understand what you said but didn't miss the opportunity to wave its tail. You chuckled, patting it behind the ear.

The weather that day was significantly better than last week; the storm fortunately hasn't been as bad as it had been, and quickly the snow melted with the strong sunshine that the town has had the fortune to witness for the past three days in a row.

You could hear some birds singing outside as they flew near your house, and the smell of bread baking in the oven perfumed the whole house.

Your stomach growled furiously when the smell started becoming more prominent.

"Let's see if it's ready," you told Jiji as you moved the dog out of your lap and onto the sofa. Jiji's ears moved in your direction as you walked away from where you were resting together.

 

You hissed when your skin accidentally came into contact with the hot bread. You hurried to drop it on the table and soak your finger in cold water to erase the awful sensation of a burning finger.

 

You were annoyed at your own clumsiness, and being hungry didn't help to make your mood better at all.

 

You decided it would be best to distract your mind with the book you had been reading nonstop ever since you put your hands on it. You have, once again, comprehended the reason for its value.

 

And even if it was a thank-you gift for the sugar Jeonghan asked you for, you felt like you needed to give him a thank-you gift for the thank-you gift.

 

It had been such a thoughtful gift, and you didn't know what could ever be a thank-you gift you could create or buy that could give the same value to Jeonghan.

 

Speaking of Jeonghan, it's been over a week since he gave the book to you, and you've been reading and rereading the book over and over again because you didn't know how much time you had with it. He had said he would be coming this week, but there hasn't been a single clue that the man is coming anytime soon.

 

Not that you minded; the longer he took, the longer you could have the book in your hands.

 

But you had found yourself going to bed really late at night and waking up pretty early just in case Jeonghan was planning on visiting you in the morning.

 

Well, he wouldn't really be visiting you; more like coming to get the book back, you reminded yourself.

 

You sat down on the sofa again, Jiji rushing to lay its head on your lap as you went back to continue your reading.

 

And just as you were getting lost in your thoughts, a light tapping on the front door startled you. You hurriedly set the book aside and rushed to answer it, knowing who could possibly be on the other side. Your ears were racing in anticipation. To your delight, Jeonghan was waiting outside your house, an easy smile gracing his lips.

 

"Oh! What a pleasant surprise!" You exclaimed, your eyes lighting up. "Please, come in."

 

Jeonghan was wearing a brown jacket, and his clothes were covering him from head to toe. You wanted to laugh at the extravagant choice of clothing he was wearing, but you couldn't really say anything as you were wearing what you supposed were more pajamas than outside clothes.

Jeonghan nodded and stepped inside. His eyes wandered around, stopping on Jiji for a second. The dog was already on alert mode, waiting for any false movements to attack. His gaze briefly flickered to the book on the table before meeting your eyes. "I hope you're enjoying the book," he said, his voice warm and sincere.

You nodded, your smile widening. "I absolutely love it; I've been reading it nonstop." You chuckled. "Thank you so much."

 

Jeonghan bowed slightly with a playful glint in his eyes. "You're most welcome. Were you baking something?" He asked, his nose moving slightly as he took in more of the smell.

 

"Oh yeah, do you like bread? I was just about to drink some tea with it."

 

"I used to eat it a lot when I was younger, but these days I don't find myself feeling tempted to eat it, if I'm honest." He sighed.

 

"I see. I also had a phase in which I couldn't eat homemade gnocchi because it reminded me a lot of my father. Maybe a tea?"

 

"Tea would be perfect, thank you." He accepted with a smile. "Would it eat me if I sat down?" He laughed, his eyes staring at Jiji.

 

"Don't think so; it's been a while since we have received a complaint of Jiji biting something else aside from sheep."

"Have you finished it?" You had to turn around to see what he was referring to. His eyes were on the book, touching the different pages.

 

"Like ten times already." You confessed.

 

"It hasn't even been a week yet, has it?" His eyes widen in surprise. You nodded with a proud smile on your face.

 

"I practically gave up sleep just to read it." You laughed, taking the two cups of tea to the table. Jeonghan quickly took it from your hands, saying something about it being too hot for your hands.

 

"So what's it about, then?" He asked, taking a small sip and letting his hand move the spoon over the drink to cool it. His cheek was resting on the back of the hand he wasn't using, and his eyes were looking straight into yours.

 

You weren't used to having this much attention on yourself.

"It's about a priest's daughter who fell in love with a demon dressed up as a man, whose plans were to kill the priest." You replied that your eyes were unavailable to keep the eye closed for more than two seconds.

 

"It sounds really interesting." He added, taking another sip. "Do they have a happy ending?"

 

You laughed, saying, "I'm not going to tell you; I'm going to ruin it for you when you read it!"

 

He shifted awkwardly in his seat. "Are you sure you don't want to keep it? I seriously bought it for you. I'm not as into books as you are. You're probably going to give it a better house than me; it's just going to be full of dust in a whole week."

 

You shook your head. "I'm serious; I appreciate the gesture, I really do! But it's way too expensive for me to accept it. I couldn't. Really."

"Besides," you added, seeing that Jeonghan wasn't that convinced, "it's going to be so much fun to talk about it later; I never have anyone to discuss my books with."

Jeonghan was silent; his eyes were looking everywhere but you for the first time, avoiding yours.

"I mean, not to force you or anything. I figured that if you were going to read it, we could talk about it later, but if you'd rather not, then it's okay. More than okay. Sorry for assuming." You practically vomited all those words, and you weren't even sure if any of them made sense. It clearly didn't make sense to you.

Jeonghan sighed, looking out the window behind him for a brief second.

"It's not that. I just happen to be in a difficult situation right now." He confessed, entreating himself with the book next to his hand.

You frowned, not liking this one bit. "What kind of situation?" You asked, and you seriously considered whether having him at your house when you were alone had been a good idea. It didn't matter if he did something nice for you; he was still a stranger. And you were not trying to get yourself involved in any sort of dangerous situation. "If you don't mind me asking," you added.

 

"I don't think I'm even allowed to talk about it with you, if I'm completely honest."

 

Your heart started beating faster, and your nervousness was getting to your head. You unconsciously moved backward, putting more distance between the two of you.

 

"Then you better stop before you get in trouble, not?" You tried to joke to hide the way you were starting to get scared.

 

"It's nothing too bad." He reassured. "I just have these... friends." He didn't look so convinced by that definition, as he frowned while thinking about it. "And they just don't find it that amusing that I am spending time in here."

 

"With me?"

 

"And with you." He agreed. "They think we should only get involved with certain types of people. And they were angry the last time I came here, so I had to snick out." He finished with a smile on his face, as if he were a kid telling a story about how he managed to stay up after his nap time.

"But I don't think that's alright. I like coming here."

 

"Then why do you keep being friends with them? They sound awful. Sorry." You quickly apologized, reminding yourself that they were still his friends.

 

He tried to say something, but he stopped himself from doing it. Thinking about it better. "I don't really have much of an option; they are now my family."

"That doesn't sound like a nice family to have, but I guess you can't really choose your family, can't you?"

He smiled, but this time his smile looked sad.

"I guess I better not stop you anytime longer; I don't want you to get in trouble. Thank you for the book; it was a really nice story." You moved the book in his direction, standing up from your seat.

Jeonghan looked at it for a few minutes. There was something that was troubling him on his mind, you could tell.

"I don't have to go yet. Not now; at least they will not be at home for another hour, an hour and a half if I'm lucky."

You blinked, trying to process what he was saying.

"I don't want you to get in trouble because of my fault." You shook your head.

"You won't, unless... you don't want me to stay?"

"I do, but I'm afraid I won't be an interesting company."

He shook his head. "Such nonsense." He smirked. The Jeonghan you had seen the past two times you had encountered him was coming back. You felt yourself relaxing, and you guessed that if he wasn't worried, neither should you. They weren't your friends after all.

"I was planning on visiting the forest today; since I need some blueberries and blackberries, do you mind coming with me?" You offered.

 

"My pleasure." He said this, making space for you to walk in front of him.

 

"Jiji, let's go!" You weren't stupid; if Jeonghan happened to be planning on doing something to you or if his friends were going to hurt you, you wouldn't risk it by not bringing Jiji.

"Today is such a nice day." You take in as much as the warm breeze was giving you that day.

"It is." Jeonghan nodded, walking right next to you and following your steps. "So, do you usually make jam?"

You were thankful for Jeonghan's attempts to have a conversation rather than keep quiet.

"Well, yeah. My brother and I love blackberry jam, but I also make blueberry jam because otherwise the blackberry one just disappears in one week." You chuckled. "Do you like jam?"

Jeonghan thought about it for a while. "I used to have lots of strawberry jam, but I can't stand it anymore."

"Oh, you got sick of it?"

"Something like that."

Suddenly, Jiji started rushing towards a point in the forest you knew way too well. You yelled the dog's name, but Jiji was just not paying attention to you.

You ran behind Jiji, trying to rush your legs as much as you possibly could.

You could see Jiji attempting to attack one of Susan's sheep; the poor thing was trying its best to hide from the dog.

You hold Jiji down, taking her away from the sheep that quickly escaped to Susan's house. You started nagging Jiji for running away from you, but looking at your surroundings, you felt ghostbumps running down your back.

There was white sheepskin everywhere, as the sheep usually came down there to eat grass, and other animals, and sometimes even humans, haunted them. You felt like you had a reason to be scared, but no matter how much you tried to listen to what the reason was, you couldn't come up with why your body was reacting that way.

 

Some of the sheepskin had blood on it, and it smelled just as awful as it looked. You froze there.

 

Why were you acting this way? You could feel your body freezing and your legs starting to shake.

 

Your mind just was—it was blank. There was nothing in there.

You jumped as the feeling of a warm hand touched your shoulder. Your sudden movement startled Jiji, making the dog bark again.

"My, my, are you always such a scaredy-cat?"

You started blushing as Jeonghan stood there watching you calm down with an amusing expression on his face.

"No, I'm not... I didn't expect you to be right there. You startled me."

"This is a creepy place." Jeonghan commented, looking around at what was left of the sheep. "Let's get out of here; it smells as bad as it looks."

Jeonghan started walking again towards the place you originally had in mind; you never mentioned where it was, so you wondered if Jeonghan also took fruits from there.

 

"These are delicious." You smiled, walking straight to a big blueberry and taking it into your mouth. "Try one!"

 

Jeonghan took a small blackberry, admitting that you were right about the good taste.

 

"My brother is going to be so happy when he sees the amount of jam I'm going to make tonight!"

"Do you want me to put them in my bag?" Jeonghan offered.

 

"We should wash them first."

 

"There's a lake near here; we can wash them there; there are lots of big rocks to put them on while we wait for them to dry."

 

You knew about the lake, but you never went there. Not since you were around five. That was the same lake where you learned how to swim when you were a kid, with your father's instructions.

 

The lake and the view in general were almost exactly the same as the one you remembered. The only thing that was different was the lack of flowers, but it was expected considering that it wasn't summer yet.

 

Jeonghan walked to the water, taking the fruits from his bag and sinking them under the water, using one big (almost plain) rock to let them dry with the breeze. You followed him, doing the exact same thing.

"I haven't been here in ages." You stopped what you were doing to take a moment and appreciate the view. Jeonghan glanced at you before bragging about the direction you were looking in.

"It's such a beautiful place." You mumbled, returning to wash the fruit.

Jeonghan brought his hand to your mouth, a blackberry between his fingers. You understood what he wanted, so you opened your mouth to eat it.

 

"Did you wash that one?" You asked, worried.

 

"No."

 

Jeonghan laughed at you when you started chocking, reassuring you that he was only joking.

 

"Ha-ha, you're hilarious."

"We should probably start going," Jeonghan mentioned, looking at the sky.

He was right; your brother could go back anytime soon if he decided not to go to the bar that night.

"I'll walk you home." Jeonghan offered, putting the dry fruit back into his bag and helping you stand up.

"If you have to go back home now, I can..."

"I still have some time left." Jeonghan cut you off, offering a smile.

You both started going back to your house, Jiji enjoying the company as the dog constantly ran back and forth, waving its tail and barking at the birds.

"What's its name?" Jeonghan asked, avoiding Jiji's jumping near his body.

"Jiji." You smiled at your cute dog, who was now sniffing a tree. "We found it when it was just a puppy; now it's so big."

"ugh!" Jeonghan suddenly screamed, jumping back below a tree near him. He was holding his hand close to his chest, and his lip was being furiously attacked by his upper teeth.

 

"Are you okay?" You worriedly asked, stepping closer to inspect what had harmed him. "Did something bite you?"

 

You could see a couple of bees passing by, their bright colors brighter under the sunshine that moved between the tall tree's leaves.

 

The clouds were moving faster now that the wind had started to become stronger, and the last minutes of sunlight were showing a beautiful spectacle in front of you.

 

You took a quick look at his hands; they were red and looked nasty, almost as if boiling water had touched them.

 

"Oh my god! Are you allergic to something?"

 

Jeonghan finally opened his eyes; he had closed them to prevent more pain from entering his body.

 

"It must be a spider." He breathed.

 

You doubted it; spiders didn't leave such awful marks behind them, but you decided to keep your mouth shut.

"We can stay for a bit if you need to." You reassured him, already making your way to sit in a big fallen tree behind him.

The forest was back to its previous darkness as another cloud covered the sun once again.

You supposed that had been the last rain of sun you would get for that day, as it would take probably minutes for the sun to say its last goodbye and let the moon welcome everybody to a new night.

"No, it's okay. We can continue."

"Are you sure?"

Jeonghan didn't answer; instead, he nodded.

He didn't give you any other explanation or try to start a new conversation. But, since your house was five minutes away from the forest, you didn't get to feel awkward or uncomfortable with the silence.

"Thank you for the help." You thanked him, taking the fruit from his bag and putting it all on the table. "Maybe if you come back tomorrow, you can get some jam as a thank you for your assistance today."

"I'll see what I can do." He smiled, waving you goodbye as he quickly made his way home.

It was that night, when you found yourself rereading the same book you had been reading for the past week, that you realized that he never took it back.

You wondered if his friends had found out about Jeonghan visiting you. Maybe if they got to know you, they would be okay with you guys hanging out? You weren't a bad person, and your family didn't have a bad reputation either.

And that's how you went to sleep. Completely oblivious to how you never saw his reflection on the lake.

[spookymystery67]

I Wish I Could Walk In Heels

AN: Took me all day to re-read and edit this chapter and I'm still not 100% happy with it, but it is what it is. I hope you all enjoy it!

TW: Death, gore, zombie dogs, Brian Irons, language, angst, mention of sexual assault, ect. Typical Resident Evil stuff.

Chapter 8:

September 29, 1998-

"Why didn't you tell that man who the cause of all this was?" Claire asked you as she and the rest followed your lead through the streets to the orphanage. You've had to kill a few zombies and zombie dogs here and there. But nothing too extreme that your group of four couldn't handle.

"Because it wouldn't have changed anything. His wife would still be dead. His daughter would have still died. What would he have done with that information?"

"He could have fought with us. Instead of-" Leon started.

"Instead of killing himself? Look Leon, Kendo had already made up his mind right when his wife died and his daughter was infected. He had his chance last night to get out of here and decided to stay. He wouldn't have changed his mind. Not because of anything I would say to him. He didn't know me." You told him firmly.

"You could've-" You interrupt him once more, not bothering to stop your fast pace to the orphanage.

"You could have let Ben and I out sooner if you believed him. If the chips were nearby, you could have saved him. If I had paid more attention and seen Irons coming, I could have gotten Ben and Katherine out of here already. I could have stopped this whole thing a week ago if I wasn't a wimp and just shot William Birkin. Hell, Annette Birkin could have ended it if she shot him. The military could have. The police could have. Umbrella could have. So many possibilities, yet this is what is happening right now." You gestured out to the city as you paused in your step. "And there isn't much control I or any of us have over the situation. Bottom line, stop focusing on what you or I could have done in the past to improve what is happening now. Focus on what you can do right now to prevent shit from getting worse for us later. Okay?" You tell him.

He thought your words over for a moment before nodding in agreement. There is no point in focusing on what could have happened.

"You sound like you needed to hear that more than I did." He commented.

"Yeah, well, it's been a long week." You sighed.

"I just got here. So did Claire." Leon stated, trying to keep conversation going.

"I can tell, you're both nowhere near as filthy as I am." You snorted. "And Ada clearly just got here too. No way in hell she has been running around in those heels all week." 

"What's with you and my shoes?" Ada questioned, torn between amused and annoyed.

"I will admit, part of me is slightly jealous that you can walk in those so easily. I wouldn't be able to wear a pair of heels to save my life." You said, as you glanced at her. "And what's with the sunglasses? It's night time. Are you trying to maintain an air of mystery or something?" You teased, trying to lighten the mood.

"Sure. If that's what you want to think." Ada snorted. You nodded, a slight smile on your face.

Yes. That's exactly what she was doing.

"There's the gate to the orphanage." Claire pointed out. The gate in question had cartoon animals painted on it, so you knew she was right.

You paused when you heard a series of growls behind your group. You all quickly turned to look behind you and saw a horde of zombie dogs running in your direction. Too fast and too many for you to comfortably shoot at the moment.

"Run!" Leon yelled. Your group had no arguments as you all ran toward the orphanage gate as fast you could. Ada in the lead. Which, again, heels. How?

You quickly slammed the gate shut and locked it behind you. You gasped for breath and turned to check on everyone.

"Okay?" They nodded and you nodded back. "Alright. Onwards." You said as you quickly walked up the long cobblestone path to the front door and opened it, briefly escaping the rain.

The place was full of children's stuff. You had two choices on where you could go. Up the stairs or down the hall.

"Maybe we can split up?" 

Just as Leon suggested that, you heard a scream of pain. The voice sounded male. You all quickly ran down the hall toward the noise. A little girl ran into you with a gasp, before quickly hiding behind you.

"You little bitch! You'll pay for that!" Irons yelled, before pausing when he came face to face with you and your handgun pointed directly at his face.

"Hey, Chief. Long time no see." You spat, glaring darkly at the man. You notice burn marks on his face and smirk. "Nice job, Sherry." 

Sherry seemed a little conflicted with the praise. On one hand, she hurt someone. On the other hand, that someone was an awful person who was going to hurt her.

"Seriously, good job." Claire reassured her as she led Sherry further behind the group. Leon and Ada each had a gun in hand just in case Irons tried anything funny.

"Thanks." Sherry whispered shyly.

"Alright, you know why I'm here, Irons. Where's Katherine?" You asked, the gun held steady in your grasp.

He stumbled for a response, eyes darting every which way for a possible exit. Your eyes narrowed.

"Don't make me ask again. Where is she?" You were getting more and more pissed off the longer he hesitated. Your worry began gnawing at your stomach, making you feel a little nauseous.

"There's a girl on the table." Sherry said.

"You little-" you cut him off with a click as you cocked your pistol.

“Shut up. Where, Sherry? In that room?" You asked as calmly as you could, pointing toward the direction she came running from.

"Y-yes. But I don't think she's okay." Sherry hesitated.

Your heart dropped. You grit your teeth and clenched your jaw. You took a deep breath in an attempt to maintain calm. "Really? Well, why don't we go see? Claire, stay with Sherry please." 

She nodded. "Of course. Come on, Sherry. We'll wait in the lobby." She grabbed Sherry's hand and led her away from what is likely about to be a very violent scene.

"You two can do whatever you want. I'm taking Irons here to see the damage." You said to Ada and Leon. You grabbed Irons arm roughly and placed the gun against his head so he wouldn't try anything.

"We'll go with you. In case you need back up." Leon stated. Ada simply nodded in agreement.

Leon clearly wanted to assist you out of the kindness of his heart. You couldn't tell why Ada would help you. Those large sunglasses really do block any minuscule signs of emotion, making it extremely difficult to read her. You assumed that was probably the point.

"Alright, after you. No funny business." You told Irons as you shoved him forward, arm still held tightly in your grasp.

He reluctantly moved forward. He opened the door to the room and you shoved him forward once more when he hesitated in the doorway.

You walked in and examined the room, nearly wanting to throw up as you gasped at the sight before you, letting go of the man's arm in shock.

It was Katherine, lying flat on the table in her pretty white dress. Her skin was paler with a tint of blue to it. 

You hesitantly walked forward and reached out to check her pulse, flinching slightly when you felt her slightly cool skin. Her heartbeat was gone. She hadn't been gone long.

Katherine was dead.

Irons turned to run away once he was out of your grasp, but Leon grabbed him by the arms and Ada quickly pointed her gun at him, making him freeze once more.

Tears were sliding down your face for what seemed like the millionth time today. You had been so close. So close to saving her. But you were too late.

Despite your conversation with Leon earlier, your mind couldn't help but go through the what-ifs and what you could have done differently. For starters, you could have not stopped and wasted your time with conversations. You could have not stopped at Kendo's gun shop and looked through it to see if there was anything of use left. You could have just made a run for it from the police station to the damn orphanage.

What if. 

Could have. 

What could have been.

You sniffled and choked back a sob, turning to glare at the man responsible with pure hatred rolling through every fiber of your being. You hated this man. You loathed him. And you wanted him gone.

Your tears had fallen down your face and you wiped them away, not wanting to look weak in front of the man. You raised your gun at him, ready to shoot his fucking face off. Ada and Leon stood back and watched the scene unfold, guns in hand in case something were to go wrong.

Irons fully laughed at you, deranged and disbelieving. "You won't shoot me, girl. You couldn't. Even if you wanted to." 

You laughed bitterly. "I wouldn't be so sure about that." Your sharp eyes pierced through his. If you didn't know anything about this man, the psychotic look on his burned face would tell you exactly everything you'd need to know. 

He did this.

You walked closer to Irons and held your gun steadily toward him.

"You're going to confirm everything I know. Out loud!" You told him, the venom in your voice and gun raised directly at his forehead showing him how serious you are.

"And why would I do that?" 

"Because I will shoot you if you don't." You pushed the barrel of the gun on his forehead for emphasis.

He went to grab the gun in his holster, but you quickly reared back and pistol whipped him in the face, hard, knocking him back and sending him to the floor, grunting. 

"Toss the gun away, or the next thing I do with this gun is kill you!" You snapped.

He seemed to understand that you weren't joking around. Still sprawled on the ground with a bruised and bloodied cheek, burn marks on his now disfigured face.

He now looked on the outside how he was on the inside, in your opinion. 

Slowly, he grabbed the gun from his side and put it on the ground.

"Slide it to them." You motion with your head towards Ada and Leon, and he reluctantly slid his gun across the room toward the exit, Ada quickly picked it up.

"Stand up, and back up toward the wall." He did as you said, away from any doors or windows to run from, leaving you standing by the table with the body of your dead best friend. But you refused to look away from him.

"Now, I want you to answer everything I ask truthfully. Do you understand?" He nodded, eyes glaring into you. "Did you or did you not accept bribes from Umbrella to keep the police from investigating them?"

"I did." He confirmed.

"Did you or did you not, become in charge of the Raccoon City Orphanage to help disguise Umbrella's use of child test subjects and experimentation?" Leon gasped slightly at the question, not understanding how anyone could go as far as to hurt children in the name of science.

"I did." Irons eyes darted for an exit strategy, but stopped when Ada pointed her gun at him in your support. Leon followed her action by raising his own gun.

"LOOK AT ME!" You shouted angrily, causing everyone to jump and Irons to look at you. "Are you or are you not a rapist and a serial killer?"

"...I am."

"Did you or did you not kill your secretary this June after she uncovered your dealings with Umbrella?"

He glanced away, and you turned your gun and shot it at the wall on his left side. He jumped and shouted in surprise, raising his arms up higher. 

"I did!"

"Did you snatch eight young women off the streets and murder them?" 

"I did."

"Did you turn their bodies into taxidermy? Is that why the police couldn't find their bodies?"

"Yes, I did." His face showed a sliver of sick joy at the thought of it, making you and everyone else feel uneasy.

You walked a step closer, gun held steady.

"You locked Ben up and left him for dead." 

"I did." He spat at the mention of the man. The man who almost gave him away. Who almost ruined everything for him.

"You sabotaged the police department and killed many officers and pedestrians in the process." Your hands began to shake slightly, rage bottling up to an all time high.

"I did." The joy of his deranged features increased.

"You killed, Katherine." Your breathing increased as you attempted to calm your shaking hands and rapidly beating heart. 

"No." You paused briefly, confused. "No, I let her go." He continued. "Then I hunted her down through the halls of the station like a wild animal." 

Your shaking hands increased, heartbeat pounding in your ear drums, yet you continued to hear every word from the man.

"She almost got away. Almost. She would have, if she wasn't so predictable in going toward the cell blocks. She was running to save you. You should have heard the screams. She called for you. Y/n. That's your name right? That's the name she yelled as I dragged the bitch by her hair through the station." Irons mocked.

Tears burned at your eyes and your breathing had turned to hyperventilating. The anger that burned at your chest was practically painful.

"You were supposed to protect them!" You yelled furiously. You were not only implying Katherine, but everyone else who had fallen victim to the horrible man.

"I was never going to protect them. Katherine was a goner as soon as the mayor left her in my care. She was always meant to be my trophy. He just made it easier for me to get her." His laugh was cruel, any sanity within him long gone.

If he ever had any at all.

The laughing was cut off by a bullet to the neck. He froze in shock for a moment, all eyes turned to look at the smoking gun in your hands in surprise. 

You did it. 

You actually did it. 

His injury caught up to him and he collapsed to the floor, choking on his own blood as he took desperate gasps for air.

You pointed your gun down and glanced at the table to your right. You could have mistaken her for sleeping if her eyes weren't wide open. You slowly stepped up to her and used two fingers to close her eyelids for good. 

There, now she looked like she was at peace. Simply asleep.

If only.

Your eyes turned back to the man gurgling on the floor. No, the monster. He was far worse than those things outside. The things that used to be innocent people that you feel you have failed. Maybe if you had done something sooner. But what could you have done? Everyone with power in this city, in this country, was in on it. You and Ben were doomed from the start. 

You stared with distant eyes, ears still ringing from the sudden gun shot, as Irons looked around desperately for any chance of something, anything, saving him. You walked forward as he choked on the floor, crouching down to his level with a dark glare in your slightly red eyes and dried tears on your face as the ringing subsided.

"You don't deserve a quick and painless death. Even this is less than you deserve. It's a pity I can't make this last." You spat, rage still writhing in your chest. You watched as the blood ran down his hands that were desperately clutching at his throat.

"I never wanted to do this. I never wanted to murder anyone. You forced my hand, Irons. You've done too much harm in this world for too long. It's about time someone stops you." 

Fueled by rage and adrenaline, you grabbed him by his graying hair and dragged him out of the room, moving Ada and Leon aside as you walked through the lobby past Claire and Sherry. Pushing the front door open to the yard, you dragged the man to the front gate where the zombie dogs were previously blocked. You pulled the gate open and pushed the choking man through.

You whistled to gather the attention of the zombie dogs that had went elsewhere. The six dogs came running and growling, immediately gathering around the former Chief.

They brutally bit and teared and ate away at Irons. He jerked and yelled through his bloodied throat. The gurgling sound was truly pathetic. You watched with distant eyes as he was ripped apart.

 You didn't feel any better now that he was dead. Your friends were still gone. All those people were still dead. The only thing you may have accomplished just now was preventing Irons from hurting anyone else in the future.

You shook your head to get rid of your thoughts and quickly shut the gate. You took a deep breath to compose yourself, counted to 10, before walking back inside.

"Did you really have to kill him?" Leon questioned as you walked through the door. Him and Ada had moved to the lobby to wait for you.

You glared. "What should I have done? Let you arrest him?"

"Not kill him." Leon said. You sighed in frustration.

"Okay, we get it, you're a great guy. Never change, Leon. But something you should know about me, I don't let people who hurt the ones I care about get away unscathed. And frankly, Irons had it coming. One way or another he wasn't making it out of this city. I sure as hell wouldn't have taken him with me. Would you have?" You asked. 

You maybe could have been a little nicer about it. After all, it was a valid question. Did you really have to kill him?

Murder wasn't right. But your emotions and your anger had gotten the best of you. You never thought you would become a murderer. You never understood how someone could just go through with ending another person's life like that.

You shocked yourself when you pulled that trigger. When you dragged the man who was twice your size out the door to be eaten alive. When you ended his life for good. 

Maybe you were no better than Irons.

Leon looked conflicted. He knew murder was wrong. But all Irons did was hurt and murder people. Should he really be all that upset about it?

He stayed silent and you nodded. What's done is done.

"Great. Glad we solved that problem. Now, NEST?" You looked around for Sherry and Claire. "Where the hell did Sherry and Claire go? They were here a few minutes ago."

"Something spooked Sherry and she ran away. Claire went after her." Leon explained.

"Where?" 

"Over here." Ada motioned to the door. "Any ideas where this leads?"

You reach into your bag for the map of NEST you found when you first went. "That would be the entrance to NEST. I guess we'll catch up to them." You turned to look back toward the room where your friend still lied. 

"Do you want to say good-bye?" Leon asked. Ada stayed silent, letting you decide what you wanted to do next.

You shook your head after a moment. "No. It won't change anything. Let's just go." You started leading the way.

"It could give you closure." Leon said.

"Look, I appreciate what you're trying to do here. But stop. We have a job to do. Plus, I can tell Ada is getting impatient." You stated.

"I could still give you a few minutes." Ada offered. She wasn't as cold at that moment as she had been all night. You were thankful for her and Leon's offer, but you didn't think you would be able to hold it together if you saw Katherine again. It was best to move on. 

No matter how painful it was for you.

"No. Again, I appreciate it. But, no. Let's just move on." You turned your back to the room, not wanting to look any longer.

You walked down the tunnel to the elevator at the end. Once you all had gathered inside, you pressed the button and the elevator began its descent.

"So, what do you want to know, Ada? From what I've gathered, you know a lot already." You said, attempting to break the uncomfortable silence that had surrounded the small space.

"I know mostly everything that you know. I know that Annette Birkins is the one responsible for this mess. And I'm going to bring her down. What I need to know from you is where the G-virus is so I can do that." Ada explained.

The elevator stopped and you all walked out. You followed the map leading you further down the tunnels toward NEST.

"Well, I can show you Birkins lab. We might have to take a look around the facility, though. There were people taking samples of the virus to sell on the blackmarket. So I doubt there is anything left in Birkins lab." Ada nodded in agreement.

"How can they have a whole underground facility without the authorities knowing?" Leon questioned.

"Welcome to corporate America. Umbrella's controlled Raccoon City for years." Ada deadpanned.

"Yeah, Irons was Chief of police and worked with Umbrella, remember? No one was looking for a secret underground facility. Well, no one until Ben and I." You explained.

"You said you were there on the night this all started?" Ada asked.

"Yeah. Looking for intel. I had a man from the inside help me get in here." 

"Get anything good?" 

"Yes. Information on the viruses, and additional things, the scientists were working on down here. What Umbrella did with the kids in the orphanage. Dealings they had with authority figures. I had proof, but I lost it at some point throughout the week." You lied. 

You weren't going to tell Ada you gave the drive away to a S.T.A.R.S member. Truth be told, you didn't really trust her. Or Leon for that matter. They were strangers. The only reason you were still helping them was because they held up their end of the bargain and took you to Katherine. Even though it turned out to be too late, you still appreciated them trying.

"What was yours and Ben's goal? Why go through all this trouble?" Leon asked. You felt saddened at the mention of Ben, but tried to shake it off.

"Well, for Ben, it started out as a good story. He was a private journalist. Hired me when I was looking for a job." You reminisced. "But it slowly morphed from a good story to a need to shut the bastards down. To show the citizens of Raccoon City what their officials and so called "heroes" were really up to. To show the world. We had to stop them."

"A little ambitious for a couple of private journalists." Ada commented.

"Oh, we were in way over our heads." You agreed. "But we already got so far with the information we collected. We couldn't just stop. We had to see it through. And then, well, everything happened." You sighed sadly.

"Are you getting cold feet?" Ada asked. She couldn't tell if you wanted to continue with the mission or if you wanted to back out. She wouldn't give you the option to leave. She needed your knowledge. 

"No. I want to see this through. Even if it kills me. At this point, I don't think that is entirely out of the realm of possibilities." 

"We'll be fine." Leon said, clearly determined to make it and for everything to be alright.

"Hmm, an optimist and a hero, Leon? Never change. From what I've seen, the world could use more people like you." You said.

You made it to a door and Leon pushed you back slightly to open it first, just in case something dangerous was on the other side.

"Definitely Williams handiwork…" A woman said, crouched over a dead body. You all quietly make your way inside.

"Identify yourself!" Leon said, holding up his gun.

Ada held her gun up. "Annette Birkin."

"She's who we're looking for? The one who created the viruses?" Leon asked. You nodded.

"Not much time… Need to dispose of it." Annette muttered.

"We're here for the G-virus!" Ada said.

"Huh, that's not gonna happen." Annette scoffed. She noticed you standing there and furrowed her brow in confusion.

"I'm warning you, doctor." Ada said.

"Oh yeah?" Annette tossed a lighter to the body, setting it on fire and ran away.

"STOP!" Ada yelled. She rushed after her around the corner and you want to follow.

Gunshots went off and Leon quickly went to cover Ada, who was in the line of fire. You stayed ducked behind the wall, out of range. Leon fell to the ground, having been shot through the shoulder. Ada tried shooting Annette, but she ran past a thick, steel metal door as it shut.

"You'll never get the G-virus!" Annette yelled as the metal door shut.

"Didn't expect that from a scientist." Ada snarked. You noticed her sunglasses had been knocked off her face.

"Honestly, I'm not surprised." You said. Leon groaned in pain on the ground, catching your attention.

"Leon…" Ada ducked to the ground, leaning over to check on his wound. You followed.

"Forget about me… Just go… Stop her before she gets away." Leon passed out right after those words. Ada looked conflicted, before she finally decided to stay and help patch up his wound.

"Can you help me patch him up?" Ada asked you.

"I don't really have much knowledge on that stuff. I have a first aid kit though." You hesitated.

"That's fine. Just hand it here and do as I say." Ada said. 

You nodded and kneeled on the floor beside her and Leon, digging through your bag to grab the first aid kit you had.

"Here." You handed her the kit. She nodded her thanks and started patching Leon up.

"So, do you have to do this often?" You asked.

"Do what?" Ada asked.

"Patch yourself or someone up. You seem to know what you're doing." You said as you watched her work.

Ada shrugged. "It's basic training. Everyone in the FBI knows this." 

"Right. And in the FBI, do they also teach the women to kick ass in heels and wear sunglasses in the dark?" You teased. 

Ada snorted and smirked. "The heels again? No. That's just my thing. Why, you interested?"

"In what? You?" You asked stupidly.

Ada actually laughed at that. "No, in joining the FBI." 

You blushed in embarrassment. "Right. Uh, no. After all this, I think I've had enough of corporate America to last a lifetime."

"Hmm, so what are you gonna do? When all of this is over?" She asked as she began wrapping Leon's wound.

"I- I don't know. Lay low? Stay out of trouble for a while. Find some place to live." You shrugged.

"Any ideas on where?" 

"No. I honestly haven't thought about it much. I had a solid thing going on before the outbreak. I had my apartment. I had my friends. I had a job where I was actually doing something that felt important. And as weird as it sounds, despite all of the danger we were putting ourselves in, I was happy." You trailed off.

"And now?" Ada questioned.

"And now it's all gone. All of it. My apartment. My job…. My friends. I honestly don't know how to go on with life after this."

Ada sighed as she finished patching up Leon's shoulder. "One day at a time. That's a start." She stood up and held her hand out to help you stand. You took it.

"We'll go after Annette in a few moments. Take a breather." She said as she helped you to your feet.

"We'll just leave him here?" You asked, referring to Leon.

"Well, we can't take him when he's passed out. He'll be fine. The area is secure." Ada said. You hesitated before nodding in agreement. 

She's right. He's a big boy, he'll be alright.

[cat-angel-936]

The villains plan part 1

(Inglés)

(these events occur one day after meeting María)

Chris: *speaking via text message*

Aviva what happened next: are you talking to your new friend? *gives him a cup of hot chocolate*

Chris: Yes, two of her dogs are warming themselves by the bonfire * shows him the photo because they are still in the Husky costume *

Aviva: oh how cute, I would like to meet them too

Chris: If you want, I can ask him if we can go tomorrow if it doesn't rain.

Aviva: really? Wouldn't it be too much of a hassle?

Chris: mh...I don't know, I'll ask *writes something and blushes*...what's wrong with me?

Aviva that I read the whole combination: I think you like it

Chris: oh...that makes sense *red*

Martin: brother, are you okay? your face is red *puts her hand on his forehead to see if he has a fever*

Chris: haha ​​brother I'm fine *removes his hand* in fact I couldn't be better

Martin: huh? *confused*

Aviva: haha ​​what your brother is trying to say is that he likes the girl he met today

Martin: What!? But you only met her today!

Chris: and what? You hung out with girls you met hours before when you were in high school.

Martin: but I am me and you are you.

Aviva: don't be like that Martin, plus tomorrow we will go to his house to get to know each other better

Martin: what did you say!?

Chris: Yes, so please behave.

Martin: But Chris, we can't, we still have to investigate the other part of the forest, that's why we came here.

Chris: Well, María knows this part of the forest, so she can help us.

Aviva: more reasons to go see it

*while with the villains on a call*

Zach: Donita guess what happened! *emotional*

Donita: hey, what happened Zach, Gourmound?

Gourmound: but guess *laughing*

Donita: oh I don't know, tell me and it better not be a joke!

Zach: It's not a quiet joke, but we have to tell you something important that will help us destroy the wild rats once and for all.

Donita: well and what is it?

Gourmound: Are you sure about that?

Zach: I grew up with them so yeah, you see Donita, the green guy got lost and while the whole rat team was looking for them, we came up with a plan to distract them before it starts raining.

Donita: and did it work?

Gourmound: Halfway through, the avocado realized it sooner than expected and the blueberry went out furious to look for his brother alone.

Zach: we didn't follow them and in one I see a certain green boy and you won't guess who he was with *to mischief*

Donita: with an animal?

Gourmound: even better, with a girl and they were very close

Zach: Yeah, she was holding his hand and everything.

Donita: really?

Gourmound: and the blueberry didn't like it hehe

Donita: and what do you want to do with her?

Zach: Make her go out with Chris!

*everyone looks at him strangely*

Donita: And how would she help us?

Zach: you see Donita, Martin is a very jealous brother and he usually kept away potential partners that Chris could have and he was very artful. I saw him constantly until he even interrupted a double date that we had with a girl and her sister.

Gourmound: oops I mean I'm harming you too

Zach: It was very annoying, even my parents and Mr. Kratt went to try to stop it, because it had already gotten out of control!

Donita: oh poor Chris, it must have been a very awkward moment, okay, we'll make a plan to get them together, he could even become a godmother at the wedding if everything goes well.

Zach: wow wow don't go so far into the future Donita, this will be to separate the Kratt brothers once and for all

Gourmound: and if everything goes well, you could be the best man at the wedding, taking the place that Martin would have

Zach:.....

*Zach's imaginary scenario*

Chris: Zach, I know we're enemies, but thank you for helping me date Maria, so for that reason, would you like to be my best man? *kneeling and with hand extended*

Zach: Oh I've been waiting for this moment my whole life, of course! *hugs him*

*on the wedding day. Zach helping Chris with his nerves at the altar*

Martin: that should be me... *sad looking from the seats*

*end of fictional scenario*

Zach: okay, we'll do it, Donita come here to plan our next move, I'll send you the location

Donita: right away *hang up* Dabio!

Dabio: Yes, Miss Donita.

Donita: take me to this location

Dabio: yes Donita *quickly leaves*

[firstkanaphans]

I really love your fics and how you write stories. Out of curiosity, do you have any predictions for each of the couples? We're only on ep3 but I really don't know how things will pan out😭 I'm very good with theories with most bls, but my head is really empty on this one

Thank you so much!! I’m glad you like my fics 💕 And kudos to you for usually being able to predict things because I am notoriously bad at it 😅 But since you asked, I will give it my best shot.

The problem is that there’s still so much we don’t know. Sand’s character in particular hasn’t been developed much yet (it seems like that’s coming in this week’s episode), so this is all just wild speculation on my part.

SandRay: Sand is clearly starting to realize that Ray is a very bad idea. He’s already too attached and he knows that Ray is not the type of person who is capable of returning those sentiments, so I think he’s going to spend the next episode desperately trying to resist Ray’s advances. Ray—the little gremlin that he is—is not going to like that at all. He’s going to take it as a challenge. He’s going to become so persistent, so annoying. His puppy dog eyes are going to be on full beam. And eventually Sand is going to give in to his charms. (Possibly in a dressing room by the looks of it.)

At that point, I think they’re going to enter into one of those “they didn't know they’re dating”-type of relationships where they are essentially dating in all but name. Sand will realize what is happening, but Ray won’t, and when Sand points out that friends with benefits usually don’t sleep over at each other’s houses or talk about music late into the night, Ray is going to freak out. He doesn’t want Sand to be in love with him because he doesn’t think he's worthy of that love. So he’s going to show Sand that he’s not. He’s going to lash out and push Sand away for Sand’s own good.

Then, without Sand in his life, he’s going to get self-destructive. He's going to drink and he's going to do something stupid—my best guesses would be either driving drunk or overdosing—and there, at rock bottom, is when he will finally realize he needs help. (Bonus points if he wakes up in the hospital with Sand asleep at his bedside.)

For these two, I think we’ll end the series with them together in a committed relationship and Ray sober.

TopMew: Despite literally no evidence to support this theory, Top has gotten it into his head that Mew is sleeping with Ray. And—kudos to him—he’s actually going to confront Mew about it next episode instead of letting it drag out until the end of the series. Mew seems rightfully pissed off by this line of questioning. His “I'll have sex with you. Okay?” seems very passive aggressive to me. It’s almost like he’s saying, “Since I’m clearly sleeping with Ray, why don’t I just sleep with you, too? Is that what you want?” He’s been trying to foster a real relationship with Top and Top clearly doesn’t trust him at all. 

That being said, P’Jojo has already spoiled that the next episode ends with a shower scene and since we know that TopMew have a shower scene, I’m assuming that they make up by the end of the episode and Mew finally agrees to date Top for real.

And then things are going to go off the rails.

As soon as these two have slept together, activating that obsessive part of Mew’s personality that Mew has already warned Top about, he is going to find out that Top slept with Boston. And he is going to spend the rest of the series making Top beg for his forgiveness.

I’ve talked a little bit about how Mew reminds me of Earth from Friendzone (another one of P’Jojo’s series) and I think he’s going to go down a similar path as Earth did. My best guess? He decides to get back at Top by doing the very thing he was accused of in the first place: Sleeping with Ray.

I honestly don’t have a great sense of what happens from there, but I'm expecting an ambiguous ending for TopMew. I doubt they will end up together, but I can see their last scene being a coffee date or something, insinuating that they are going to try again. 

And then we have…BostonNick: Y’all. Nick is insane insane. I am literally obsessed with him. But he is so insane that I have no freakin’ clue what he’s about to do. 

I talked a bit about what I expect for him and Boston here, but the short version is that I think Boston is going to end up wanting to pursue a real relationship with Nick (maybe he craves what Top and Mew have), but Nick is going to realize he deserves better and turn Boston down. I think the series ends with Boston alone and Nick with someone who will treat him better (Papang, perhaps?). 

But everything in the middle? No clue. I do expect that Nick will be the one who ends up divulging the TopBoston secret (I mean, obviously. He’s the only one who knows), but I can’t for the life of me figure out how we get from there to that happy scene of him and Boston on the pier that we saw in the trailer.

I’m just excited to watch him go full Fatal Attraction on Boston’s ass. It’s what he deserves.

[beecreeper]

22, 91, 93! for all three >:3

Oooh this was a long one. I already answered 91 in a previous ask, but here's the other two under the cut.

22.) What is your Tav's first impression of the other companions (Astarion, Gale, Karlach, Wyll ...)

Briar's reactions:

Shadowheart -- "I'm so glad that she's sensible and isn't taking the whole "leaving her to die on the nautiloid" thing personally. She also doesn't do annoying things like "talk to me" or "ask about my past". Respectable."

Astarion -- thinks his charming schtick is a bit annoying and that he's a bit too much of a dandy, but DOES get a kick out of him threatening her with a knife straight out the gate. REALLY gets a kick out him trying to bite her, ESPECIALLY when he goes all puppy dog eyes "please" about it. She's like "oh he's kinda pathetic. I kinda wanna treat him like a pet."

Gale -- Haaaaaaates Gale immediately. Thinks he is the most annoying, pretentious, obnoxious man on the planet and the only reason he isn't dead is because other people were around and she didn't want to lose allies yet.

Lae'zel -- glad to have someone competent and ruthless around. Thinks that her bossing around Zorru is REALLY funny. But also finds her constantly preaching about the githyanki really grating.

Wyll -- tbh Briar feels kinda nothing about Wyll at first. She doesn't actively *dislike* how gallant and do-goody he is quite yet because it's like "fine do what you want as long as you don't get in *my* way", which he hasn't yet. Is a bit exacerbated when Mizora shows up because at that point it's like "we have to deal with ANOTHER devil are you serious. This is a pain".

Karlach -- her immediate reaction to Karlach was "oh this will be useful". Vibes with the part of Karlach that is boisterous and impulsive.

Molli's reactions:

Shadowheart -- WHY is she being so rude all the time.

Astarion -- is very caught off guard by him and falls for all his manipulation stuff really easily. Unfortunately for her she IS down bad right away and starts making excuses for him. Him being smug and arrogant and morally dubious but also doing things like flirting with her makes her head kinda spin.

Gale -- autism to autism connectivity. Doesn't vibe with him as strongly as some of the other companions but they definitely understand each other.

Lae'zel -- bossy competent scary lady I will not argue with her on anything yes ma'am anything you say ma'am

Wyll -- likes Wyll immediately. Loves his charm and his fairy tale hero demeanor and his stories and his wit and how he's also just a bit of a dork. When it comes to Mizora and the Karlach thing she can see that he's clearly been tricked and trapped and she feels kinda protective of him because of that. Like, you know that feeling like "I know that I struggle with this same problem and don't address it when it's happening to me, but as soon as it's happening to a friend I suddenly have the determination of a thousand suns"? It's that.

Karlach -- had a crush on Karlach pretty much immediately. LOVES how enthusiastic she is for everything. Look how much she loves life! Look at her smile and laugh and dance!!

Ferox's reactions:

Shadowheart -- "Hm. I don't like how cagey you're being about that artifact but I'm not gonna push it. Not my business but I AM watching you."

Astarion -- oh does not like Astarion pretty much at all. Thinks he's shifty and untrustworthy and disingenuous and also just annoying. Can you stop complaining for TWO seconds, Astarion.

Gale -- "you keep saying a lot of words that I don't know but you seem to know what you're doing with magic so I trust you." Low-key likes when Gale talks at him even though a lot of it goes over his head. I also imagine, out of all the companions, Gale is the one most likely to ask for help in camp and lean into the teamwork part of things, so Gale is good for giving Ferox tasks to do, like asking for help setting up his tent or cutting things for dinner, and Ferox is grateful for something to do. He likes to feel productive and useful and Gale facilitates that.

Lae'zel -- he immediately defers to Lae'zel as being in charge because she acts like it and also seems to know the most about mindflayers. He sees her as efficient and capable, if maybe a touch too abrasive but who is he to judge if it's getting the job done.

Wyll -- admires Wyll a lot and is very jealous of how he can just *be* like that. Like wow that guy is actually a noble hero

Karlach -- feels a lot of sympathy for Karlach's situation and is low-key jealous of just how upbeat she is in spite of it.

93. What do you think happens to the party, afterwards? Do they go for drinks? Do they go their separate ways?

Obviously it all depends on which ending they get so I'll try to summarize without getting too convoluted lol

Briar is easy because in both of her endings she doesn't talk to any of these people ever again. Either she uses them at thralls in her takeover or she just makes an active effort to never be found. She would have one last conversation with Sunflower before leaving for the wilderness forever. In that version, I'm sure Sunflower would be making deliberate efforts to keep the party in touch with each other, but Briar absolutely opts out.

In Molli's good ending, she, Karlach, and Wyll (because you KNOW Wyll is coming with us) all have to leave for Avernus really abruptly which interrupts any celebratory drinks they absolutely would have had if given the chance. They definitely all reconnect after they get back, though it takes a bit of doing to track everyone down. Everyone gets their good ending in this timeline though, so it all works out in the end.

In Molli's bad ending, I'm a little less solid about where all the companions will wind up, which will definitely change the post-brain vibe. In general, I think a lot of the companions will get the endings that take them all their separate ways. Molli would really want to try to kinda stay in touch, but Astarion would try to discourage it and keep her isolated.

In Ferox's good ending he's probably going with Lae'zel to fight Vlaakith BUT I would want to insist that they don't fly off on a dragon immediately like happens in game. They need a fucking breather, you know? And he wants to check in with all their other allies after the battle as well, check on the city and help with any immediate relief efforts. Then they can go to the astral plane and would probably lose touch with the rest of the party. I'd imagine communication between planes would be difficult and they'd only manage it pretty rarely, but he'd always be glad whenever he does hear from them.

In Ferox's bad ending everyone else goes out for drinks but he has to excuse himself and get the FUCK out of town because he feels Bhaal taking over his body (because he gets THAT ending. The "accept Bhaal + destroy the brain" ending)

[toomanythoughts2]

do you consider yourself proship

Hi Anon. 👋

So, I'm going to be as specific as I can to answer this question so as to not misconstrue anything.

I do not follow the "Proship/Antiship" discourse as I believe it does more harm than good for the fandom at large.

I have watched from the sidelines what it has done to fandom on Tumblr, Twitter, Tiktok, and Instagram. This type of discourse has alienated, harmed, and scared genuine fans away from fandom. From what I have witnessed, I believe that this type of discourse has caused major harassment issues within fandom under the guise of good intentions. While the identifiers at first might have started off as something positive (A way to quickly pinpoint which blogs you'll mostly likely get along with based on shipping preferences), I do believe that is has turned itself into a tool to harm people. This does not mean that anyone who labels themselves Pro/Anti harm people or participate in the discourse itself, but that the discourse surrounding the identities have caused major issues. Whether or not you believe that to be true, understand that this is from my perspective.

I do not consider myself either one of these titles. I'm never going to label myself as one of them. As someone who has been here since before the "Mishapocalyse" of 2013, I have watched fandom literally evolve with the new generations. I have watched trends rise and fall, edits about different presidential elections starting with Obama, I've witnessed the creation of "Nice shoe laces." "Thanks I got them from the president." I have learned a thing or two about fandom, how it grows and changes and shifts.

And I have also learned how to curate, support, and ignore to create a safe space for myself in fandom.

As my pinned post states, I believe in a "Ship and Let Ship" mindset. I do not tolerate hate or bullying. If you want to label me as something, you can label me as "Anti-Harassment". Or, you can label me as "Pro-Blocking." I firmly believe in curating your fandom space around the blogs and people you enjoy listening to, enjoy looking at, and enjoy involving yourself with. For every fandom space I enter into, I always tell people what I'm about and if they don't enjoy that, then I always tell them to please block me. There is no point in being unhappy or being annoyed by my presence in your fandom space. I have also done the same thing, where if a person writes out what they're about and I don't like it, I block them. I've been a Season 1, Izzy Hands stan on Twitter before. I know exactly how to curate my fandom space.

Life is much too short to not block blogs that you don't like. Fandom space is what you make of it.

I do not condone shipping harassment, anon hate, bullying, or doxing. I do not believe in stalking blogs or screenshotting posts to edit them or dog-piling. I do not think it is valuable to spend our precious free time (less of which you have the more you grow) hating and harassing others about ships that you may not like or agree with. If you don't like something or if you don't agree with it, block that blog. You deserve to have a safe place within fandom that makes you happy.

This is not to say that I like or agree with every ship I encounter. There are plenty of ships in plenty of fandoms I have been a part of that I didn't or don't like. Not once though, have I ever harassed or harmed a person over a ship. I learned how to curate my space so that I wouldn't see these ships. Blocking and black listing tags helped me avoid certain areas of fandom. For that, I created positive and rich online spaces where I could grow and enjoy my part of the fandom. These spaces were the best parts of my childhood.

This doesn't mean I can't stop liking a ship once I got into it. Many ships that I once shipped as a child or a teenager (or hell, even last week), I can look back on and go, "Oh, actually, maybe I don't like this after all." I am allowed to grow and change my mind on certain ships the older I get. All people are allowed to change their minds.

Anon, my blog here is simply to have fun, write my little posts, and put up my crudely done art. The Metalocalypse fandom has been incredibly kind to me these last couple of months, especially as a new fan of the show. I truly have so much fun every time I log on here and look at the engagement within the tags. I have not been on Tumblr in a long time so to see such an active community, a kind and thoughtful community at that, it fills me with happiness. I forgot how much fun creating and being a part of a fandom community like this can be. I enjoy creating and talking and learning and sharing and laughing with others about our silly little band. I am eternally grateful for every bit of engagement within the community, no matter how small or large.

Anon, I would not enjoy my life on Tumblr nearly as much if I did not curate it that way.

I am 26 years old, Anon. As an American woman, I have a good 53~ years left in me before I croak, less than that if I am unable to get healthcare. I simply do not want to waste a moment of my free time worrying or getting upset about things I can not change or ships I don't like. Especially not when there is so much more to the fandom that I do like, that I love. I want to spend my time surrounded by a community that I enjoy being around and enjoys having me around.

My dear Anon, I will not label myself as either one of these identities. At any time that you look at my blog and do not enjoy my presence, I implore you to block me. Curate the space that you want based on their presence in the community, not by an identifying marker.

I'm sorry if this isn't the answer you're looking for but, to me, it's my honest answer to your question. Have a good day, Anon.

Ok, bye, love you <3

Tl;dr: Love what you love. Block what you don't. Enjoy your life. Curate your fandom space.

[angel-inked]

What happens when you find them asleep?

You come home and call out to your significant other to alert them to your presence but get no answer 🤔

Had the idea for this at like 2-something AM lol

Taglist: @vvkingofgaybisciutsvv @thequeenofthewinter @thedevilshardy @inkwolvesandcoffee @wandawiccan60 @cameleonhardyfan63 @potter-solomons

Muscle boi

"Bebe, I'm home!". No response, that's odd. Tommy just about always greets you like a loyal dog when you get home, quite literally like a dog, because then it turns into him wanting nothing but your attention. That's where you're different, Tommy usually silently stares at someone with an annoyed glare until they leave him alone, but for you? He's basically a sweet saint bernard who still thinks he's a lap puppy.

What worries you is you know he's home, cause otherwise the door wouldn't have been unlocked. You start cautiously making your way around the house, not exactly eager to poke your head around corners, as the last time this happened, Tommy came up behind you and scared you shitless! "Come on! I was just playin' with you!" You recalled his voice that day, as he was laughing his ass off.

Finally, you found yourself in the living room. Hearing some kind of light thunderstorm ambiance playing, the kind Tommy likes to listen to when he's trying to calmly fall asleep. That explains why he didn't greet you at the door. You moved toward the couch, leaning your elbows on the back of it.

Sure enough, Tommy was sleeping and peacefully for once! It wasn't uncommon for him to wake up in a panic in the middle of the night only to refuse to tell you what's wrong when you calm him down. Cypress, your tabby and white ragdoll, mewed up at you from her spot, curled up against and being kept nice and warm by Tommy's stomach, her head and paw resting on his side.

You smirked to yourself seeing Tommy had the stuffed Valentine's bear you gave him locked in a death grip, clinging to it like his life depended on it. Maybe something to hold on to was all he needed to fall asleep and actually stay asleep, as cute as the sight before you was you couldn't help but snicker to yourself as you remembered Tommy asking you what he, an MMA fighter, was supposed to do with a child's toy.

"So much for the stupid bear".

The chaotic duo!

You groaned tiredly as you walked into the apartment you shared with your boyfriend and his partner, "Eddie? V? you guys in here?" You called. The TV was on, and a certain symbiote was clicking through the channels, "ya know for literally being an alien from another planet, you sure do like sitcoms" you giggled, walking up to the couch and sitting on the arm rest.

Glancing down, you saw Eddie fast asleep, lips slightly parted as soft snores escaped the back of his throat. "How long as he been like this?" You asked, looking back up at the black mass that was attached to Eddie at the shoulder. "Two hours," Vemon's voice rumbled, "Puny human is always tired". "Hey! Who the hell saved you from becoming another failed lab experiment?" You scolded. Vemon looked down at Eddie, almost shamefully.

It wasn't uncommon for you to scold the symbiote as if you were scolding a child, Eddie looked terrified the first time you did. Vemon, however, just hid inside of Eddie and refused to come back out, that's when Eddie's expression turned to amazement, "I never would've believed Vemon could be scolded without someone losing their head if I hadn't seen it for myself!".

"Big scary alien my ass! Eddie's self-esteem is already low enough without adding your mockery to the mix". You didn't care about Vemon's ungodly amount of teeth, and you certainly weren't afraid of them. Eddie and Vemon occasionally acted of one mind, but when they didn't... "Sorry" Vemon mumbled. "Alright," you sighed, patting Vemon on the head, and held a snickers out to the alien from your pocket, knowing how hangry the symbiote could be.

"You're not you when you're hungry".

Camden's King

After what you and your husband called work, you discovered what you thought was Alfie relaxing in the parlor after a long day. What you actually discovered was Alfie Solomons asleep on the couch, still clutching a glass of bourbon.

You glance down at Cyril, who was laying his head atop Alfie's crossed feet. Cyril perked his ears up and let out a small whine as you looked at him. "Yep, there's the big bad gang leader everyone's afraid of" you hummed to yourself, a smirk resting lazily on your face. Gently freeing the glass from Alfie's grip, you opted to down the rest of the liquor yourself, waste not want not.

"Not bad, good taste Mr. Solomons" you thought, setting the glass on the coffee table. Carefully draping a blanket over his sleeping form, a groan emerged from the back of his throat as he slightly adjusted himself. The groan was a satisfied sound, he was comfortable "goodnight Alfie" you whispered, brushing a few strands of redish brown hair back from his face.

"Yea, it is with you 'ere" he mumbled, slipping more and more into slumber. You smiled. It feels good to finally feel needed. Life in Camden will certainly be quieter without my brothers trailing after me, good riddance, I say!

Sweet dreams highflyer..

A small cottage in the English countryside, a garden with a white picket fence around it, what more could you ask for? Your beloved. Since yesterday, Farrier's aviator's hat has been hanging on the coat rack by the door. You had heard word from Collins that Farrier had been captured by the Gremen, which is why you were rendered speechless when he showed up on the doorstep with a boutique of wildflowers in hand.

"The garden looks lovely" he said after you stared at him blankly for a moment, as if unsure what you were staring at was even real. He doesn't seem too keen to explain what happened, Farrier never was one for what he considered idle chatter, for he spoke with purpose only. He'll come around at his own pace, he always does.

The lady at the shop expressed her apologies for your love becoming a victim of the war. It seems you're the only one who knows Farrier came home. Well, except for Collins, probably. Once you were home with your shopping, you called out to him, "Farrier?". Nothing, walking into the living room, you found him.

Catching up on sleep, something you're sure he hasn't done much of for some time. You smiled while gazing at his sleeping figure, messy brown hair, loose-fitting clothes, and Confetti, the black and white border collie, loyally guarding his side as he slept. "Good girl," you grinned, rubbing her head. Farrier called her Confetti after you gave her to him for his birthday. You gently lay a light blanket over him and kiss his forehead,

"Sweet dreams highflyer."

Criminal.

Criminal. One of the many things your family called him, did you care? Hell no! You ran with Forrest and his brothers as teenagers and had no plans on stopping now. "Howdy!" Howard smiled with a tip of his hat, holding the screen door as you walked in and walked out after you gave him a smile.

You wondered through the station to the middle brother's office, nodding to Maggie as you passed through the barroom. Coming to a stop in front of his office door, you gave it a little knock. No answer. You push the door open to poke your head in, seeing Forrest in his desk chair.

His head flopped over to the side, and the steady raising and falling of his chest confirmed your suspicions that he was sleeping. Keeping Howard and Jack in line could prove to be quite a tiring task. A smile lined your lips as a groan emerged from the back of his throat as you ran your hand through his hair.

"Forrest," you said quietly, gently prodding him to wake up. He was definite for a moment, scrunching up his features and lightly pushing your hand away from his arm. Finally, he relented. Opening his eyes halfway to look up at you.

"Let's get you to bed, shall we? Your neck and back will thank me later."

[wiredaughter]

@augustwritingchallenge day 3: dark academia

▪︎▪︎▪︎

au: college × canontypical violence × canonical character death × gallows humour × student waylon park × journalist miles upshur × 2760 words × ao3

He didn't report on a war to revel on human degeneracy, he did it to make every life lost to the behemoth of American imperialism count. And he didn't come here to feed a demon, he did it because a freshman wrote a whistleblowing email with prose that read like a political editorial. And Waylon didn't abandon him, he did as he asked.

When Miles met Waylon to discuss the strange events taking place in his college, he didn't know the scope of the suffering he was about to witness. To be fair, though, he didn't know either the character of the man he was talking to, and how he'd hold him back from the abyss.

Deliverance

‘I still don't get what you're doing here.’

Waylon runs his hands through his hair in an exasperated gesture. Just his luck his attempt at getting the chilling going-ons in his college investigated would draw the one journalist who couldn't check his notes for an answer, apparently. ‘Students keep going missing, and when they-’

‘No I know that, I get that’s why I am here. Those German demon rants should get me a few bylines to be proud of.’ Miles frowns like trying to decide what he wants to say. ‘You, however, look like MIT material. Cornell maybe.’

‘Murkoff offered a full ride.’ A small shrug. ‘And I knew it would be competitive and I knew the government connections meant something was going on behind the scenes, but this is not what I signed up for!’

‘Right…’ Miles holds his chin, unsure on how desperate he'd have to be to move into a creepy dorm next to a creepy park with a creepy statue. ‘So, about the… sculpture I saw when coming in.’

‘That's where Trager was praying under the rain. Listen, midterms are hell and I should know, but the rain ran red after washing down his body. And besides he's an atheist! Was annoying enough about it just a month back.’

‘And then- and this is where you lost me- you said the wisp-man granted his wish?’

‘Walrider. I thought it was a hazing thing, but every senior talks about it like a real thing, the Walrider.’

‘Okay, going back to Trager, though?’

‘Yes. Not one week later Granat bit it and the captain spot was all his.’

‘But he's not a suspect?’

‘When there's gibberish splattered in bodyfluids all over the walls when they find the body there's no suspects, just a mental health assembly.’

‘And where was this assembly held?’

‘The library, I'm not sure which room; I missed it.’

Miles sighs, looks around like a caged animal before lighting a cigarette without asking. Waylon thinks he might have minded it maybe three months ago. Now, he just follows the smoke with his eyes until he's pulled back to reality. ‘As smart of a move that seems, that's exactly where I'm going, so any pointers…’

‘No pointers, I'm coming with you.’

‘Are you insane? You said it yourself, this isn't what you signed up for.’ Waylon stares him down, between selfrighteous and obstinate. It reminds him of a dog biting down on your only dress shoes, and Miles doesn't have it in him to tug-of-war him right now. ‘At the very least you'll lose your scholarship.’

‘No need to talk me into it, I already said I'm coming.’

Insane, untrained, a liability if anything; nothing changes Waylon's mind. It's because of him, he reasons, that Miles is there at all, so it's on him if anything happens. A cynical part of the reporter suggests other motives, he's got to be curious himself - has got to want to understand the dark presence hanging over his campus and whatever the financial incentives were covering, chrissake, but even suggesting that doesn't change the grit in the other's expression so he lets it be. In a way, he's got a right to know. In a way, he's thankful for the company.

They gear up in Waylon's dorm, that's his only since his roomate started spouting nonsense in class a couple of weeks beforehand and it was discovered he'd been hoarding bloodvials under his bed. Yes, Miles thinks to himself, wispman or no wispman there’s something here. Their gear consists of Miles’ camcoder, a nightstick, a budget camera Waylon bought for an elective and his student ID. Considering this, Miles talks Waylon into taking a kitchenknife with him.

The campus is deserted as they make their way to the library, although it's just past ten. Not how Miles imagines a 94% male student body would behave under normal circumstances. He walks closer to Waylon, their surroundings reminding him more of the abandoned universities in Afghanistan after the bombings, if only for their desolation. Waylon, welcoming in his own fear, blessedly holds onto his arm.

They walk past the last dorms when a hand pushes through a window on the second floor, broken glass raining down own them. Miles pulls his jacket up as Waylon pulls him away and he thinks he's glad to follow, but he stops after a few steps. Waylon looks around nervously as he records the limb waving wildly like its owner doesn't notice what remains of the window cutting into his flesh in his grunting mania. ‘Sleep no more! Sleep no more!’

He exchanges a look with Waylon, shrugs. ‘Seems someone slept in through his partial.’

He didn't expect Waylon to laugh, and he doesn't, but he smiles sideways. He'll take what he can get. The library, when they make it, is imposing like Miles has come to expect. If they look more like sinners stealing into a church rather than students as they enter, there's no one around to notice. He's glad Waylon doesn't let go of his arm as he leads him in, letting his camcorder linger on the empty reception desks for a moment.

The room they walk into is only a library in the widest sense of the word. There are books, yes, and there's study tables and computers also, all over the floor in different states of destruction. He turns to Waylon, who's bending to pick one book, as surprised as him.

‘I was here just this morning.’

Before he can reply, a struggle breaks out in the adjacent room. Fast footfalls, a body hitting another and banging on the door. Agonised screams. They take cover behind an upturned shelf as the door breaks down to reveal the towering figure of a man dressed up for a gala, covered in blood up to his sternum. Waylon gasps and Miles makes a mental note to never ever share hiding spots again as he valiantly raises his camcorder.

Of all things, the man breaks into a song as if blind to the state of his clothing. When he turns, Miles can see the long blade held behind his back like a corsage before a prom date. Where are these ideas coming from? He closes his eyes, only opening them when Waylon's shaking hands threaten to move his arm with them. He turns to see him pale as a sheet, eyes fixed where the man left.

‘What?’

‘I know him. We're working on a project… were working on it, I suppose, he's not- he's not like this!’ Miles covers his mouth before he can attract the attention of his exlabpartner, only removing his hand when Waylon glares at him. ‘He didn't even like coming here, it was just his only way to move out.’

Miles points his camcorder at Waylon, whispers: ‘How well do you know that guy?’

'Somewhat? We talked during our meetings, being that we're both charity cases, I… I don't think that blood was his.’ He sighs, continues more to himself.. ‘He said he wanted to get a good paying job to be able to raise a family.’

‘You saw the knife, didn't you?’

‘I'm holding a knife!’ Waylon mutters angrily, showing it off to the camera.

‘For defense purposes only.’ Miles turns the camera to himself, extending his nightstick as if to help his point.

He stands up, when Waylon does. Non-journalist that he is, he's ready to drag him to the exit when they hear footsepts heavier than anyone would like in a situation like theirs. Not a moment later, a mountain of a man blocks the door with his sheer mass alone. For an instant, nobody moves, then- ‘Little pigs.’

Waylon never thought he could run this fast while holding onto someone else. Let alone someone who keeps aiming his camera back at their pursuer. And engaging him in something like a one-sided debate.

‘Pigs? Are you fucking kidding me?’ Miles manages to flip him off without letting go of his camcorder. ‘There's something I'm not and that's a fucking copper!’

He wonders if the older man feels any better for all his yeling. ‘I've seen him around campus!’ Sharing information, letting out his anxiety and informing anyone who might be listening there's some sane people still around, three birds one stone. ‘What even happened to his face?

‘Tried to fuckstart his own brain!! With a cheesegrater!’

He laughs now, in fear, exhilaration or whatever overcomes someone when they're certain their lifes are barreling towards a violent end. He quips back. ‘Ancient studying technique!’

For all that, the giant is still hot on their trail. They stumble from one door to another and then there's a vent over a desk that seems heaven sent. Without the need to exchange a word, he's giving Miles a lift up and then being hauled along into the tight space next to him. The giant - Christopher, he thinks - kicks down the door Miles slammed shut after them with no trouble. There's a sound like chains dragging, and muttering about containing it before he leaves and they can let out the collective breath they've been holding.

He crawls behind Miles, no idea where the vent goes but wanting to put as much distance between them and everything he's seen as possible. He's startled when Miles stops, gestures for him to shut up and listen. Listen? There's an argument gong on in the outside, demented but rich in information. The power, the understanding, the swarm. A clankling noise, repetitive to the point of harmony almost, seems the only reply.

On they go, to the end of the vent. Miles pushes it open, and swears as soon as he's outside. When Waylon joins him, he cannot see why. They're, against all odds, outside and alone. He grabs Miles' sleeve, pulls doggedly. ‘Come on, it's not far to the visitors carpark.’ Miles doesn't move, ‘We've got to go now.’

Miles shrugs off his jacket, lets it hang limp on Waylons whiteknuckled grasp. ’Keys are in there. Go.’

‘What? What about you?’

‘I need to know what's going on here.’

‘You don't! We've seen enough, you've filmed enough, let's go. I don't-’

‘Park?’ An anoyed, hoarse voice interrupts the argument, the shadow of a man limping to them through the garden. ‘Waylon Park? How are you still alive?’

Waylon takes a step back, flighty but owing it to Miles to stay. Because he does, doesn't he? He sees him raise his nightstick, rests the hand that's not holding his jacket on his shoulder, thinks of the life he's lead in this campus for the last few months. Does he? Owe Miles? ‘Make and model.’

‘What?’ Miles doesn't turn from where he's standing between him and a slowly approaching Jeremy.

‘Your car.’

Oh. For a moment, Miles did really think he'd stay to fight. To find out. Something in his eyes must have misled him. ‘It's a red Jeep.’ He's just that little more jaded, but not enough to want Waylon to die here. ‘When you get to the inter-’

Whatever instructions he had die in his lips when Waylon shifts his hold to pull him close and press his cold, shaking lips to his for an instant. Then he's running for the carpark, his jacket trailing behind him and the man who'd recognised Waylon makes it to where he stands stock still and seems like he's got something to say but Miles’ nightstick connects with his jaw and he's flying back with a groan.

Something's happened, something's shifted. He still needs an answer. Covered in grime from the vent and with the splatters of blood on him, weapon in full display, he blends in easily as he joins a group marching towards the park with the Walrid- with the statue of the wispman.

It seems they're late, there's already a man nailed to a makeshift cross and the kindling at his feet has been set aflame. He's in terrible shape, he recognises with no emotion. The bonfire is not big enough to produce the kind of fumes that would make this a quick end, flames licking steadily at his feet without rising. Worse off than both the Christ and the Maiden. Impressive.

His camera glitches, and he looks up from it to the swarm. He didn't think they meant it literally, but it is a swarm of organisms so small he could have taken them for smoke rising. There's a different texture to it, though, and the way his camcoder fails to capture it tells him there's more to it than that. The others notice too, falling to their knees or beating their chests. Tension rises and, with it, violence. A wiry, balding man wrestles him down and, distantly, he feels his fingers break under his shoes. He rises his hands, more to stare at the misshapen bones than to guard his head. It's unnecessary, either way, as silence extends through the masses and the swarm seems to take a human form and speak in their minds, his mind, beckoning him to join.

All the despair, all the suffering, the hopelessness. He knew them before coming here, he’s done his time on a warzone, come on now. And yet it's all those experiences along with the events of this night, that the swarm draws on. Agony neverending, sempiternal isolation, he should know how to give in now. He's got an answer, but what about all the rest of the answers? With the swarm he could find them, transcend the limits of human knowledge. What's human, then, if not synonym with misery and malice?

No. It's a small thought, featherlight like the brush of Waylon's lips, like an apology in a kiss. No. He didn't report on a war to revel on human degeneracy, he did it to make every life lost to the behemoth of American imperialism count. And he didn't come here to feed a demon, he did it because a freshman wrote a whistleblowing email with prose that read like a political editorial. And Waylon didn't abandon him, he did as he asked.

‘No.’

His voice sounds loud to himself, and the swarm accuses it. The humanoid silhouette rises, growing in stature, seeming to flow from where Jesus d'Arc still squeals. He's got an answer, and now he's about to find another, whatever happens when you deny a German demon?

His own Jeep running over the crucified, burning man was not the answer he expected. Waylon drives right through it to park in front of him. He throws the driver side door open, shifting to the passenger's seat as he screams at him to get in.

He does, having but a second to notice the red marks around Waylon's neck, partly hidden by the collar of his jacket, the way his face looks blotchy even animated with the courage it must have taken him to go back. Miles closes the door with a slam and speeds even past the college gates. Not taking his foot of the pedal he turns to Waylon, who's raised his ankle on the dashboard, bloody and beggining to swell. He wants to say something but the smoke inhalation cuts him off with a cough.

Waylon waits until he's done, guessing his question. ‘Run in with Gluskin.’ He sounds casual, but his eyelids twitch in a way that has Miles scrambling to place Gluskin. ‘Let's just say he's never going to have a family now.’

‘Hospital.’ Miles croaks.

‘Yeah, for your fingers.’

He laughs, or maybe Waylon laughs first, he cannot tell because faster than they've got any right, considering what they just lilved through, they're cackling in their seats. Try as they might not to move with it as to not spike the pain on their injuries they do, and it only seems to spur them on. It's only as they pull into Boulder General that they get a hold on themselves.

‘Thank you.’

‘It's your car, I was just giving it back.’

Miles just shakes his head, for once not wanting to speak, and leans in to reciprocate Waylon's hope, his survival drive, his selfrighteousness. His kiss, daring to linger in it if only slightly longer than before. When he pulls back, Waylon looks pleased and bewildered at the same time. He decides it's a good look on him, just like his jacket, just like the rising sun on his eyes through his hair. He holds his camcorder up at him one last time before turning it off for good as EMTs rush from the Admission desk to his car.

[v1rtualv4mp]

hello! I was wondering if you had any headcannons for the bloodpack from blade ii? Specifcially snowman but honestly a lot of them didn't get their chance to shine imo before being killed which is too bad :(

⋆♱ 𝐁𝐥𝐨𝐨𝐝𝐩𝐚𝐜𝐤 𝐇𝐞𝐚𝐝𝐜𝐚𝐧𝐨𝐧𝐬 ♱⋆

Genre: Romance/fluff

Disclaimer: Ever so slightly suggestive but it's just a little bit

A/N: AAA u have no idea how excited I was when I got your request!! It caught me so off-guard, I didn't think anyone would be interested in other characters other than Blade and Scud. And I totally agree with you bro, how can they introduce a bunch of cool characters and just kill them all off. I wish we got to see more of each ones personalities, especially Snowman! He was my favorite :( It wasn't sure if you wanted romantic headcanons or just general stuff, so I did a little bit of both! And also, I am so so sorry for the long wait, I'm new at this 😓 Goddamnit I feel so bad.

☆ PRIEST

– Had the prettiest, most healthy, defined and smooth curly hair as a child but then he fucked it all up with chemicals

– Owned a boat in his teenage years

– Talks in his sleep

– Definently a little addicted to crack

– Is the type of guy who claims to be a player but actually doesn't even know where the clit is

☆ CHUPA

– Used to be a mama's boy, I feel it in my guts I can't explain it

– And he was definitely a little spoiled, too

– Hear me out, he has such a mean face but I BET he's in reality such a loser, like, he has absolutely no game

– He gets really shy when flirted with, then he just pretends to be annoyed by scoffing and walking away (screaming on the inside)

– Is secretly into men but he's in STRONG denial

– Is super sensitive please don't friendly tease him, that guy will take it seriously and lose his shit

– Loves animals, especially big dog breeds and ducks

– Purple is his favorite color

☆ LIGHTHAMMER

– As much as he acts all tough on the outside he's a sweetheart once you break his shell

– Wants to express his love for his partners too but has a hard time doing it so, ends up feeling guilty

– Used to have an underbite

– Is the oldest one of the group, being 279

– Has one of the most nasty, juicy and aggressive coughs you'll ever hear

– Hates the singing of birds, it pisses him off for no reason

☆ VERLAINE

– As the movie shows, she's really really affectionate with her loved ones

– I'm guessing she already had a lot of romantic partners during her life but they were all short-lived, Lighthammer was the only one who lasted for a long time

– I'm assuming they didn't know each other before the whole Damaskinos's training thing, so yeah, they fell in love during it ♡

– Cannot leave her hair alone for shit, is always dyeing it and getting new haircuts

– Is part of the goth subculture (mall goth)

☆ SNOWMAN

– I think Snowman would probably be kinda aromantic

– Like, I think he chooses to focus more on important things such as training. In my opinion, he looks way more experienced than the rest of the Bloodpack so I'm guessing that he has trained for a really long time.

– Virgin

– Loves incense

– Eating sand was his main hobby as a kid

– Is a great cook

☆ REINHARDT

– Has difficulty forming actual bonds with people. As shown in the movie, he didn't even care that half of the people he knew for two whole years were all dead

– Maybe he's had only few friends during his lifetime, maybe 15 or 20 (not a lot since I'm assuming all members are 100+ years old)

– His mom forced him to go to church as a kid

– Second most old member (216)

– His favorite color is pink but no one can find this out