#I AM JUST SO HIGH STRUNG RN

[blushouyo]

I need blade so bad

[ialwaysknewyouwerepunk]

.

[hallawayheart-moved]

april took some time to work on her painting and andrew finally got to go on that family bike ride. also helena wins at like every single board game she plays? i was not expecting some random helena trivia to be that she absolutely destroys everyone at board games. 

[ellabsprincess]

Hi sweet pea.Could you write something about reader being in a famous like rock or metal band and basically being a total slut but then she gets a girlfriend (Ellie) and tells everyone she has a girlfriend but not showing anyone what Ellie looks like or telling them her name and then one day reader is doing an interview with another band who they are on tour with and talks about having a girlfriend and the other band is like wtf no u don’t ur literally a whore and then reader brining Ellie out to show them

it’s okay if you don’t feel comfortable doing this okay bye love you <3

omfg sweat pea??? literally marrying you rn cause that's so cute!! also i literally LOVE this idea like rockstar ellie has been on the brain!!

also i followed the main inspo of your ask, but changed it slightly, sorry!! i just think it fit better as i was in the middle of writing!

enjoy my love!!

p.s. love you too!!

"rock n' fucking roll" (rockstar!ellie x rockstar!reader)

word count: 3.5k

warnings: 18+, lowercase intended, switch!ellie, switch!reader, marijuana use, ellie is kinda a loser for reader, twinge of angst from ellie, smut, they fuck while high but they're like barely high, ellie has a happy trail and a hairy pussy, cunnilingus, nipple sucking, fingering, relationship talk, love confessions, mutual pining, reader has nipple piercings bc i'm living vicariously through this

also i am not really knowledgable of bands, music, or performing, so if something is inaccurate, you saw nothing...

important note: ellie and reader are referred to as "sluts" in this fic. that is simply for the purpose of the story and because the anon asked for that specific element. i do not encourage or condone slut shaming of any sort

tags: @m-3-ijiworld @seraqhites @uraesthete @hehatesmati @letsreadsomesins-shallwe @elliespookie @dropsofs4turn @millersaurora @jjmaybankslittleslut @lonelyfooryouonly

wanna join my tag list? click here

can't stay at home, can't stay in school

old folks say, "you poor little fool"

down the streets i'm the girl next door

i'm the fox you've been waiting for

hello, daddy, hello, mom

i'm your ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-cherry bomb

the music is deafening in your ears as you begin to perform. singing your heart out to the angry and aggressive beat, with ellie by your side on bass, and dina behind you on drums.

the venue was dirty and full of drunk and stumbling people, but you didn't care. not when the sound of the bass was nearly rupturing your eardrums as you swayed your hips in your miniskirt and pranced across the stage, mic in hand. your thighs were adorned with provocative garters and ripped tights, and your shirt was a 90's baby tee with some alt band's logo plastered on the front. you were a perfect mix of girly, provocative, and alt, just unashamed to be yourself when on stage.

ellie was quite the opposite next to you. her dirty and beaten black converse stomped the floor to the beat of dina's drums. she wore ripped, tight jeans, with a vintage flannel opened over a white wife pleaser.

her guitar was cherry red, almost the same shade as the lipstick you were wearing, and she had her signature rainbow guitar strap slung over her shoulder.

pouring your soul out into the lyrics and feeling the music, you fell to your knees on the dirty stage, whipping your hair around messily as you stared into the audience. you felt ellie get closer to you, standing just above you and looking down at you with a nefarious glint in her eyes as her fingers flew over her guitar strings.

the song finally came to an end, and you sung the lyrics as you continued to hold ellie's gaze.

hello world i'm your wild girl

i'm your ch-ch-ch-ch-cherry bomb

cherry bomb

cherry bomb

cherry bomb

cherry bomb

cherry bomb

ellie strung her guitar a few more times, letting the sound echo through the room before reaching her hand down to grab you by the chin, pulling your head upwards and signaling you to stand up. her signal of dominance sent the crowd into a frenzy. cheers and screams filled the room as you heard distant comments like "i love you ellie!!" and "top me please ellie!"

you just rolled your eyes at the panic of the crowd. you were used to ellie's stage antics at this point, and you knew it was for nothing more than attention and crowd engagement. besides, you always had your own fans at the shows. finally standing to your feet and catching your breath, you spoke into the mic.

"thank you all so much for coming out tonight, you guys were amazing! have a great night!"

you, ellie, and dina all threw up peace signs at the cheering crowd before retreating backstage. the three of you were exhausted, all covered in sweat but high off adrenaline and the praise of your fans.

you all entered the green room and found yourselves collapsing into the nearest chairs. ellie handed you and dina bottles of water to ease your sore throat and dehydrated states.

"wow, what a fucking night," ellie commented.

"yeah, i think you made about half the girls out there drop their panties," you teased.

"oh shut up."

"come on, don't act like you don't know what you're doing," dina chimed in.

ellie could only laugh and roll her eyes before letting her head roll back and rest on the plush chair, too tired to argue with the both of you.

after a few minutes of reflecting on the night's show and wolfing down water and snacks, you noticed dina making her way out of the room. when you asked her where she was going, she explained that she had made plans earlier with her friend jesse and was going to be out the whole night. how she had the energy to go out after that show, you had no idea, but you honestly didn't care in your exhausted state.

you suddenly realized how much pain you were in, and how uncomfortable and sticky your outfit had become, and you felt a need to change immediately. all you wanted was just to go back to the band trailer and slip on some comfy clothes and relax the rest of the night.

ellie clearly had similar ideas.

"hey, wanna go back to the trailer and smoke and chill the rest of the night?"

"fuck yeah"

back at the trailer, you wasted little time before making a beeline for the shower. you nearly moaned at the pleasurable feeling of washing away all the sweat and exhaustion from your skin. you probably wasted too much time in that small room, but you didn't care. stepping out of the cramped bathroom in nothing but tiny sleep shorts and a tank top, you found ellie relaxing on her bunk. she had stripped down to her wife pleaser and some black boxers, and was scrolling through her phone.

hearing you move towards her, she looked up at you, sitting up to grab and light the blunt hastily thrown on the table near her bunk. as you crouched down to sit next to her, you didn't notice how she looked you up and down, staring at your chest through your thin top.

were those nipples piercings?

her thoughts were interrupted as you held out your hand to take the blunt from her, taking a long drag and turning your head to blow the smoke away from where you were sitting. you took another, shorter, drag before passing it off to ellie. she took the blunt between her fingers with a shaky grip, and nearly choked on her inhale as if it was her first time smoking. she couldn't take her eyes off of you.

she shamefully stared at your soft thighs barely hidden and covered by your short shorts and your tits perfectly in her eye level as you relaxed and enjoyed the beginning of your high. you looked tired, but blissful and almost angelic. her heart ached and longed for you, tired of her desperate stage antics just for an ounce of your attention, and a second to stare into your pretty eyes.

she wanted you so bad. she wanted your body, of course, but she wanted your heart even more. her chest twinged with pain every time she heard you laugh loudly at someone else's joke, or when she pretended to be asleep as you got fucked by some random chick in your bunk after a show. your moans were just too pretty to sleep through, and she wanted to commit them to memory so she could imagine it was you under her every time she had a quick fuck on a bathroom counter.

she always left those girls satisfied, and she gained quite the reputation as a good lay among the fanbase, but it was never enough. every time she made a girl cum on her tongue, or fucked someone until they were dripping all over her strap, she just imagined it was you. not as a one-night thing, but as her girlfriend.

of course that would never happen. you didn't do relationships. you were a rockstar and you were on the road constantly, who had the time? you only wanted to get off and forget a girl's name the next morning. you would never want ellie. you would never love her, never belong to her, never moan "i love you" as she fucked her strap into you over and over-

"earth to ellie?" you looked at her concerned, your eyes wide.

"oh shit, sorry. my bad." she had drifted into her own mind, and had been holding the blunt, sitting and dreaming about you for the past few minutes, without addressing you or caring to even pass the blunt back.

"it's fine, are you okay?"

"yeah, m'good."

"okay, will you pass me the blunt then?"

ellie didn't know what came over her. maybe it was her starting to feel her high, the slight fuzziness in her brain, or maybe it was just exhaustion.

"actually, no."

"no??" you responded, looking both offended and confused.

"no, we're gonna talk instead."

"ellie we can talk and smoke-"

"no, i need you to hear me."

"okay, els, you're freaking me out." you backed away from her slightly, your eyes narrowed, confused by the change from her usual kind nature to this abruptness and rudeness.

"sorry, i don't mean to scare you, i just..." she sighed. "i'm fucking tired of this shit. i'm tired of what's going on with us. it needs to end." shock was evident across your face.

"ellie, what? are you tired of the band, a-are you tired of me?"

"no! i mean, yeah, but that's not it."

"ellie just fucking spit it out!"

"i'm in love with you!"

your eyes softened, and your mouth gaped slightly.

"i'm in love with you and i have been for a while," ellie's voice quieted, and she looked down at her lap, unable to meet your gaze. "i'm tired of pretending like i don't want something with you. all those stage antics, fooling around and flirting with you in front of our fans? i just want you to look at me. and i fuck around with the fans because i have to distract myself from you or else i'll lose my mind. and i'm fucking tired of hearing you fuck other girls out there when i know i could treat you so much better. i just want you, and i'm tired of pretending that i don't." ellie sucked in a deep breath, almost winded from her rant. she slowly looked up, to find you looking at her with tears in your eyes.

"wha-," she started before you were practically leaping into her lap. you grabbed her face in your hands, forcing her to look at you.

"els, you have no idea how long i've waited to hear that."

you crashed your lips onto hers, meeting in a messy and desperate kiss. she whined into your mouth as you licked at her bottom lip, relishing in the fact that you were finally able to kiss her. pulling away, you left her breathless.

"sooo, you feel the same way?" ellie was flushed bright red, but all you could stare at was the love in her eyes and the prominence of the small freckles all over her nose and cheeks.

"yeah, i do. i love you, els."

"fuck me..."

"planning on it," you quipped back with a giggle and a smirk on your face.

"oh no, i didn't mean- we don't have to if you don't want to. we can go out on a date first, take it slow if you-" you stopped her ramblings with a kiss.

"els, i've been wanting to do this for so long. we're gonna this right now, okay? unless you don't want to, or?"

"no no i definitely want to i just wanted to make sure you didn't feel like we were rushing this."

"not at all, baby," you said with a smile, returning your lips to hers as as the kiss quickly got heated. ellie was whining into your mouth as her hands found your hips and your hands started to travel up under her wife pleaser. you started to tease her, finding that she had gone without a bra as your fingers brushed the underside of her small tits, making her shiver. her hands traveled lower on your body, cupping your ass and massaging lightly as you both moaned quietly, full of desperation and overwhelmed from the relief of the pent-up tension between you.

"fuck, els, go ahead and lay back for me,"

ellie looked up at you with a puzzled look on her face. "what, oh no, you really don't have to, this isn't about me."

"i promise i want to, okay? now lay back and let me play with that pretty pussy."

ellie nodded reluctantly, before laying back on the bed. you slid down to the floor so you were kneeling between her spread thighs, taking in the sight before helping ellie slide her boxers down her legs.

you could've cum from the scene before you. ellie was looking up at you with pure need in her eyes, desperate to feel your mouth, your fingers, whatever you would give her. she was absolutely dripping, so worked up just from kissing you, and her pussy was so pretty. she had a gorgeous happy trail leading down to her hairy pussy, and you couldn't believe it was all just for you.

"again, you really don't have to, girls usually don't-"

"shut up and let me taste you"

you dove in, your tongue finding her clit and causing her to moan above you, her thighs closing around your head before your grabbed them and pinned them to the bed. you finally reach her needy hole, already clenching and dripping for you as you start to fuck into her. you were moaning at the sweet taste of her as she pleaded above you.

ellie feels like she's in a dream. the girl she's been miserably pining over for months actually loves her back, and now that girl is between her thighs doing magical things with her tongue. already she's overwhelmed because no one's really ever pleasured her like this before, and she still can't believe that it's you that's making her feel like this.

"gonna use my fingers now, okay?"

ellie can only let out a high pitched whine as you take you hand off of one of her thighs, and bring it to her hole as your tongue finds her clit again. you suck lightly on her throbbing clit as you plunge your fingers in, slipping in easily from all her arousal and your spit.

you look up at her, making eye contact as you find that sweet spot inside her, speeding up the pace of your fingers to hit that spongey spot over and over again. ellie was seeing stars, and she was already embarrassingly close to cumming.

"fuck...gonna......cum....fuck"

"shh, baby, just relax. cum on my face els, i know you can do it baby."

without warning, her thighs tremble uncontrollably and she gushes all over the lower half of your face. you fuck her through her orgasm, slowly pumping your fingers in and out as you lick up her juices and carefully leave feather-light kisses all over her sensitive pussy.

she sits up on her elbows, smiling down at you as you finally pull away from her, putting your soaked fingers in your mouth and sucking, tasting her once more.

"holy fuck, baby. you're gonna be the death of me," ellie teases breathlessly. "now get your ass up here so i can return the favor."

you obey, climbing up into her lap. she smirks knowingly when she feels the wet fabric of your sleep shorts touch her thigh. her hands find the hem of your tank top, meeting your eyes for permission before slowly pulling the clothing off of you. she gasps when she sees that her suspicions were correct.

adorning your pretty puffy nipples are cute heart-shaped nipple piercings. her mouth gapes wordlessly, and you start to get worried at her silence.

"do you not like them?"

"oh my god, no, baby, i love them, i'm just speechless because they're so fucking pretty."

"oh," you giggle at her astonishment. "do you wanna suck on them?"

ellie doesn't even answer you before her mouth is latching onto your left tit, bringing her hand up to circle and pinch your right nipple as her tongue starts to flick deliciously and she starts to suck lightly.

you moan and gasp at every suck and lick, the pleasure almost overwhelming on your sensitive nipples. you grab ellie's hair harshly, pulling her hair impossibly closer, and feeling yourself soak your shorts even more when ellie moans at your roughness.

you start grinding yourself on ellie's thigh, seeking pleasure and relief from the wet mess that is now between your legs. "ellie…mmmf….need your fingers baby."

only continuing to worship your tits, ellie takes her free hand and snakes it down into your pants, moaning when she feels how you've dripping down your inner thighs. she circles your clit lightly before finding your hole and sliding two fingers in. her fingers move slowly, as she wants to savor the moment and the feeling of your puffy nipples in her mouth.

she continues alternating between your tits, making them shine in the light from all her spit. you move your hips to the rhythm of ellie's fingers, fucking them deeper into you. ellie is relentless on your tits, absolutely fixated on them as well as the feeling of your dripping and clenching pussy on her fingers.

you moans start to get louder as you let our desperate pleas for your release, babbling incoherently.

"ellie, please let me cum, oh god i just wanna cum."

ellie detaches from your nipple for just a few seconds to answer you, "cum for me baby, never said you couldn't."

and so you do, feeling your release drip all over ellie's hand as she enjoys the last few moments of her mouth on your tits, sucking on them through the waves of your orgasm before finally moving away, not wanting to painfully overstimulate you.

you're both speechless, just enjoying the bliss of your orgasms that is heightened by the few hits you took earlier.

"wow," you say, your thoughts too flighty to think of a more coherent statement.

"yeah, wow." ellie agrees.

wordlessly, she kisses your forehead and moves to place you down on the bed. she grabs washcloths and clean clothes from your bunk, cleaning you and herself up, wiping away all the sweat and cum. she helps you into your new clothes, and she dresses herself in comfortable sweats before moving to lay down next to you.

your mind is now clear of the fog from your orgasm, but the exhaustion has finally hit you, and you feel yourself drifting off as ellie pulls you into her muscular arms.

"love you els"

"love you more than you'll ever know, baby"

1 YEAR LATER ...

"thank you so much madison square garden, you've been amazing! have a great night, we love you new york!!" you call out in the roaring crowd, signaling the end of your show as you make your way off stage, ellie and dina in tow.

you enter the green room, in disbelief and still riding the high of the show as you're met with the sight of your opening acts relaxing and enjoying the refreshments and peace of backstage.

"holy fuck babe, i can't believe we just played the garden!!" ellie comes up behind you, scooping you up in her arms and kissing you passionately.

"i know els!! i'm so proud of us!!"

"get a room you two," dina grumbles, making you roll your eyes playfully.

"babe? that's a surprise," a voice calls from the other side of the room. your head whips around to find it belongs to the lead singer of the first opening act for your show.

"excuse me?" you ask, your tone clearly full of annoyance and surprise.

"well, sorry, just never thought that either of you sluts would commit to a chick," he comments, smiling devilishly at your surprised look.

"what the actual fuck is your problem dude?" ellie shouts, before you can even think of a response.

"in my book, once a slut, always a slut," he taunts, causing a small chorus of laughter among his bandmates.

you and ellie move in sync towards the man, but a flash of dark brown hair is faster. dina steps in front of the man, winds up, and punches him clean in the nose, causing him to stumble backwards and fall as he trips over his own feet.

you and ellie stare in shock at dina's actions.

"i'd suggest you get the fuck out of here," dina says, seething. the band members quickly scramble to the feet before practically sprinting out of the room. "oh, and you're never opening for us again, you sick fucks!"

dina smiles as they exit the room, before turning to you and ellie as you're both still frozen in shock.

"what? no one messes with my favorite couple."

<3 <3 <3

hope y'all liked this!! i honestly love the rockstar au and i'm totally willing to do more fics and drabbles with these characters!! send me some asks if y'all want more :)

[brotherwtf]

wounded - muse a sways muse b and themself back and forth as a soothing mechanism

oh man this is gonna be hella sweet I can already feel it.

I'm gonna shove this in my equestrian au bcs I'm listening to country music rn

---

Gale had been struggling after his accident with getting back on the horse (literally) and John could see the turmoil it brought him. He was afraid to ride Liberty Belle, his horse, the one thing he trusted most and it broke him.

John wished he could understand the feeling of this fear, but he had never quite gone through what Gale had. He'd taken a couple of rough tumbles, but not one as bad as Gale had.

Gale stood inside Liberty Belle's stall and stroked her nose, whispering quiet comforting things to her. John stood in the stall next to him, grooming the dirt off of Our Baby's pristine grey coat. Maybe just standing there with her was helping Gale get over his fears, but then Liberty Belle spooked.

It was something that would spook any animal, it made Baby throw his head back in fear, but Liberty Belle was high strung on the best of days. She reared her front legs up, knocking Gale flat on his ass before she came back down and shuffled to the corner of the stall away from Gale.

John peered over into Gale's stall, ready to push Liberty Belle away if she walked back over to Gale, but found Gale with his arms around his legs and his face buried in them. John curses under his breath before making his way into Liberty Belle's stall.

"You alright, Buck?" John asks, nudging Gale's leg with his boot.

Gale shakes his head into his arms, refusing to look up at John. His shoulders shake with silent tears, and John clenches his jaw again.

"Why am I so scared of her? She's my horse, I trained her from when she was a foal, why am I so afraid of her?" Gale finally sobs.

"Come on up here, Gale. Come on," John says, pulling Gale's arm from around his legs and wrapping it around his shoulder.

Gale allows himself to be pulled up and puts his head into John's shoulder, refusing to look at John's eyes.

"It's normal Gale. To feel scared after something like that happens. You took quite a fall, it's a wonder you ever want to ride again. The fact that you're willing to try is just another sign that you're a fucking amazing rider," John whispers, wrapping his arms around Gale's waist.

He starts to hum something, a stupid melody that would play all of the time while they were in the hospital, and sways Gale along to the imaginary beat. Gale finally peeks at him from his hiding place in John's shoulder and raises a questioning eyebrow at him.

"Come on, Buck, dance with me. I promise, you and Liberty Belle will be okay, you'll learn to trust her again," John says, swaying Gale across the hay of her stall.

Gale nestles his cheek into John's shoulder, pressing his nose into John's cheek and sighs.

"Just wish I didn't feel so worthless," Gale says, scuffing his boots in the dirt as John continues to rock them.

John tilts his head to kiss Gale's nose and rests their foreheads together.

"You're not worthless, doll. It's just gonna take time. And I'm gonna be there for all the time you need, no need to jump back in the saddle right away," John mutters.

He smiles when Gale's lips tick into a smirk, and presses their lips together. It had been about a month since they started officially dating, but each kiss still felt as world shattering as their first.

They stay like that for a while, kissing and swaying, until Liberty Belle decided to nudge her nose against Gale's hip, causing them to break apart.

"I think she's ready whenever you are, darling," John huffs, patting the thick coarse mane of the mare next to him.

Gale kisses Liberty Belle's poll and smiles up at John.

"Thank you, John, for being there for me," Gale mutters.

John smiles back at him.

"Always, Gale,"

horse girl is coming back baby. thank you so much for the ask!!

[evansbby]

I just reread wicked games and it fucked me up😭

It was so interesting seeing how the similarities between Steve and Ari were laid out in the beginning! Not just their physical appearances and them both playing basketball but also how they interact with reader and say the same things to her. Like in part two Steve just met her and he’s already calling her a little baby and being protective over her🥹

I wanna know so bad about the former friendship between Steve and Ari!! Also why do they both blatantly have a size kink😭 idk I get icked out by guy friends who have the same type

ALSO THIS MIGHT BE CRAZY ANS CONTROVERSIAL BUT I AM OFFICIALLY MOVING FROM TEAM ARI TO TEAM STEVE⛹🏼💗🎉🎀🍾

unless Ari has a REALLY good explanation for the Kira situation and can fulfill his promises of him joining the NBA and making lots of money🥺💵

But for rn he’s just lied too many times so I’ll stick with my fixer upper Steve Rogers🩷 if all he needs to deal with his mental illness is to be kissed I will do so HAPPILY💗💗💗

I love this so much 🥹 thank you for sending me this, thank you for still appreciating the story and going back to read it and then sending me your analysis because I don’t think you understand how much I LIVE for this 🥺😭🩷🫶🏼

Yes! Firstly the similarities between the way Ari and Steve act was 1000% done on purpose especially in chapter 2! Like they sometimes even say the exact same thing like the EXACT same words just at different times for example the whole “say it or I’ll choke you” or smth like that, they both said that! They also canonically look alike and ofc it’s mentioned multiple times that they have the same eyes!

But despite that, I did try to also make them both have different, distinguishable personalities. Ari is more relaxed and laid back, Steve is more high strung and volatile, Ari has a lot more of a quiet confidence, Steve is also confident but not in the same way Ari is… idk! I can’t say that much bc we find out more slowly in chapter five but yeah! I tried to make them both similar on the surface yet different too if that makes sense!

I too can’t wait to tell you guys all about the friendship that used to be between Ari and Steve! Like I literally cannot wait! Also yep they both have a size kink but that’s less to do with plot and more to do with the fact that I have a size kink and I want it included in the smut 😂 and also bc they’re both basketball players so they’re both really big and strong and tall 🥺🥺

ALSOOO not you turning your back on Ari bahahah! I wonder how he’ll redeem or explain himself after everything Steve revealed in the last part 🤔🤔 POOR KIRA!!! But I can’t say any more about it 🤫

I think both Ari and Steve have their faults as well as their pros — but who does reader care for more? Who could she end up with? 🤔🤔🤔🤔 OOOF I CANNOT WAIT TILL I DROP CHAPTER FIVE!

[cruelprincae]

Deer Cardan,

You shud definitely flirt with Prince Stolas. He is the best bird evar, and has a rly gud heart. Also his ex was maybee a fukking idiot who hurt him, so he deserves lots ov gud things rn -- like fae revels and shit.

Pls go love on him, or at leest bee his Friend?

xoxo, Blitzo

((Sorry, hi, just had to send a ridiculous ask once I saw that you existed and are mutuals with Jude! Feel free to ignore, I just am over here like omg yes, please, Stolas and Cardan could have the best dang dynamic ever! Apologies for all the cheering from the peanut gallery xD))

@doublejango sent a rather illiterate missive / unprompted asks open

Exceedingly few are the things he can comprehend from the tattered note that nearly pierced through his head as it arrowed into the brick wall of his chambers; The words are narrowed and dragged, which, in addition to being horridly misspelt is of no aid to Cardan's desperate attempt to read through them ― which ought to be an achievement on its own accord, considering that, as one of the Folk, he can speak and comprehend every language that is spoken amongst mankind.

Alas, throughout bits and pieces, there are some words he does understand such as Prince Stolas, who is evidently a bird and is currently in possession of an ex ― that, and faerie revels, although more than a few sentences have predated such, and thus, the Prince uncertain of whether the revels concern the bird or the ex. And, given that the sender of the missive provides no further elaboration, Cardan assumes his inquiry will be unanswered.

Although he is still unsure as to why the letter addressed to him called him a deer, for unlike his brother, Dain, he has neither deer horns nor deer legs. Perchance, the letter was meant for another Cardan ? Mab, he is far too strung and high from the revel held in the grand halls of Hollow Hall to even begin to make sense of what is written.

❛ I understand none of that, ❜ Comes the groaned mutter as a beringed hand reaches to rub the bridge of his nose, just between his eyes, where a growing ache begins to throb. Moving away from the ray of sunlight illuminating the note, he throws it upon his desk alongside the rest of his yet unfinished work and instead falls face first into the soft, fur-covered pillows of his bed where he proceeds to rest; finally alone, and without the presence of any courtiers.

[doxiedreg]

Update on my mental health

It's a lil better I think as I am able to enjoy things at times but I also am more anxious, more easily over stimulated, more easily frustrated at both situations and myself, I don't think I like myself in general at the moment? and I just feel unsafe/like I am on high alert. Like I am not in danger but it feels like I am because my anxiety just is dialed up a lot so any noise from the hallway or other apartments makes me feel threatened and it fucking sucks

Taking care of myself is also still very hard

Its 5 pm and I still haven't eaten lunch because idk what to eat and honestly don't really feel like eating even though my body clearly desires and needs it

I just feel like I want to crawl back into bed and hide under the covers, my senses just are so high strung, it makes me freeze up

It really sucks..hopefully tomorrow the people who work here can help me (they aren't here in the weekend)

I was hoping to return to making and posting art soon but now I don't know..

So stand by I guess..

Don't worry though I won't harm myself in any way (except not eating but that's more because my appetite is just gone rn and not because I'm consciously trying to harm myself), I just seem to be going through it still..

So yeah that's my update..

[1d1195]

hi sam! how are you?

Hiii! I'm doing pretty good!

I had a girls weekend with my sister and friends so I am EXHAUSTED rn. I should have taken tomorrow off, lol. It was fun, but I only got a little frustrated/anxious/etc at one or two times (and I was getting very worked up prior to leaving. I'm a little high strung, in case that wasn't obvious.

As usual, busy week this week (I think it's just been a busy year and I should just start saying when I have a quiet week). Hoping to get the third part of Dryer Sheets done for Thursday but it might be delayed which bums me out a bit. But I'm VERY excited for my update tomorrow :) :) :) After this week, I should have a less busy schedule for a bit of time (I think). Trying to be a real grown up and get ahead on some bills this month as well (that's literally garbage that I say things like that now--I long for the days where getting ahead of things meant catching up on all my 1d interviews I missed during the week).

ANYWAY. It was very sweet of you to check on me, and I'm happy to report I'm feeling a lot better than I was over the last month (but if you give me a minute I can probably swing back to negative). I'm sure other people who read my well-being check-ins are probably glad I'm not being a whiny baby rn lol

I hope you are well and I would love to hear what you've been up to and how things are going, too! It was so nice of you to ask about me! It made my whole evening! 💕

xoxo

[kof-xiii]

AT THE SPA PLACE RN WAITING AND I AM JUST REALIZING HOW HIGH STRUNG I AM ALL OF THE TIME BC IM SO FUCKING JUMPY IN THIS CALMNESS BRUHHHH 😭😭😭😭

[maaarrryyy]

uhm hi hello

HI lady, how are you.

Hmmm i think I am okay. I am having a hard time connecting to the person I was a year ago. I want to be her so bad again. I miss her. A lot changed this year in my brain. Are the mountains finally doing their magical work on me?

We are a lot closer to the mountains. I call them mountains but the locals call them flat irons because they aren't as tall as the rockies or the real mountain range that is behind them. I think the park right here is pretty big but i guess if you compare that park to Bear Lake, it is a lot smaller.

Either way, they are doing their work this last half of the year and I feel my brain waves changing. I wish I could say they are getting stronger but they honestly feel weaker and I am pretty sure it is because I am abusing cannabis and it is weakening my psyche. I have to do better because it is effecting my pockets!!

These days, I would rather spend my money on quality live rosin, wax, badder etc, and food rather than clothes. And that is saying a lot because I love shopping lol but now that I have a solid go to wardrobe, it has made dressing every day easier and I still look unique and different without having to buy fast fashion clothes every month.

Tomorrow is already the first day of the last month of the year. SOO crazy lol. I feel like I keep saying it but this year was soooo slow yet so fast. The first half was fun and then after June it was whatever.

This coming year I have intentions of changing my bad habits that grew this year. Mainly the abuse of dabs. I connect it to xxxxxxxxXXX XXX XXX XXXX >>>>??????742511#$@!^** and the fact that akjhfowxxxDDDDDxxXXXXXXxxxxXXX.

Yeah like I would post everything on the internet xD.

ANYwayZZZ,,,

I will do better but I am getting bored of them lmao. They just are kind of high maintenanced and I am getting tired of having the clean the glass. I miss smoking my lil joints <3333333333 one day again we will have our time but rn in this apartment hell naw lol. I already got a noise complaint and honestly people are too high strung because I would understand if it was late but it was only 330 on a Tuesday afternoon.

Other 2025 goals is having less bad thoughts about the people around me. I have been such a grouch since transferring to this store and I need to accept these people and not let them influence so much energy out of me. Like i let them bother me. Why? Do better Mars and truly just f themmmm don't even think about them girly pop just think about the good things coming your way and the things that are already yours. Just do that!!!!!

First day of the month tomorrow. I will do better. I will show up. I will stay consistent. I will do these things for me and future me and JP and those that I love. I show up for them. For the better things that are coming and the things we are working and growing towards. Eeeeekkkk I feel good now that I have let this all out. I can feel the good energy coming in towards me.

Have a great day tomorrow!!! Smoke less ditch and drink A LOT more water. You have what it takes to be a better you. You got this. You deserve this. You are you! You are original. Keep being you! <3

Love you marzbarsz607, muWAAAAGHHHH xoxo

[rankuros]

thinking so soooo much about green day playing dookie and american idiot in their entirety on tour this year. here are all of my thoughts about it that i can think of right now because i don't want to annoy my friends

guaranteed to hear She again, which i think i have only heard live once and which is really really high on my list of favorite green day songs

lots of songs i've never heard live that i am going to fucking die when i hear. i have always considered Whatsername my favorite green day song and i've never heard it live. and i'm going to cry for the rest of my life after i do. nothing will ever mean as much to me as Whatsername live. i am going to be changed afterwards

also Give Me Novacaine. are you fucking kidding me. live? one of BJA's tenderest love songs? (say what you want but BJA knows how to write a love song, it is one of my favorite things about him)

Chump leading into Longview will be so fun, Longview is already fun live because they let Mike go crazy so it will be the Mike show for even longer, i'm a big fan of the Mike show ❤️

Having a Blast? i am excited to hear it but it will be unsettling in a crowd. i was one year old when the album came out so i don't know what the reception of that song was but i am pretty sure it would not be well received now. it is very dear to me regardless. who among us has not wanted to lead a long trail of destruction at some point

SEEEVENTEEN AND STRUNG OUT ON CONFUSION

it's going to be the queerest green day tour ever (or at least since before i was old enough to see them lmao) because they'll have to play bobby sox, and coming clean will be there, and i can't imagine king for a day is OFF the setlist. i don't know what they'll cut to make room for cumulatively more than Dookie's entire runtime so that's a little alarming if i think about it too much

is Tre going to sing All By Myself

are Mike and Tre going to sing on Homecoming!!!! AUUUGUGGH Rock and Roll Girlfriend is going to be so much fun

oh man the last 2 mins of Homecoming will be so good to just scream in a stadium full of people, i love that part even though it's repetitive, it's the perfect amount of punchy

i literally just want to hear Whatsername so fucking bad i feel like i'm going to cry just thinking about it. imm listening to it rn. music is just noises so how can it do this to me

[desertgremlin]

Yo, I feel you!!!! I hate it when people get rude when you aren't social. Like, there is a difference between lacking high energy/not being talkative/not engaging and just straight up rudeness and disrespect. And I feel like a lot of outgoing, social people think it's acceptable to be rude or take things personally when you don't act the same way they do and also dare to be in their presence. Like, not talking is not an attack! And it's very weird how there is this odd group think that everyone needs to act the same way. Do you not know what a personality is? Like, sorry for having one?

I don't know how many times I've had people say that they thought I was mean or a bitch because I wasn't talking and they thought I was intimidating. Or they just straight up were rude and attacked me because I was quiet. Like, if I wasn't even thinking about you and you tell me that, what does that say about you? Your insecurities are not my problem and my mother did not give birth to me to entertain you. Like, if you are so social, don't you make an effort? Or go talk to someone else. I know my attention or lack of it is that special, so what's your problem?

I sound bitter but I've dealt with this my whole life. I've even had supervisors be assholes to me because I was quiet and didn't engage the way they wanted. So I can only imagine how it is at work 🫥🫥🫥 I also think it's insane that people let their feelings show like that at work. It's a professional setting, why are you turning this into High School Musical?

I do hope it gets better. It would be ideal to get a new job but I totally get how tiring that is.

And I am def gonna chat to you about The Bear!!! I have literally been counting the days. I'm so excited to see Tina and Ebra's story and also Sugar! She wasn't my favorite in the first season but to some degree I did relate to her (as a responsible sister who is never taken seriously). I kind of feel like she and Sydney might get close and I would love that. I love high strung characters for some reason so Sugar is really growing on me. Obviously excited for Marcus too. Have you seen the trailers? What do you think of Molly Gordon's character ahowing up? I cannot wait!!!

You've definitely hit the nail on the head!!! Sorry that you've had to deal with so many assholes like that, too. I'm such a people pleaser that I have a tendency to go out of my way to make sure people DON'T think I'm intimidating because but then it ends up draining because being super chatty is not naturally who I am and you're right - I'm not here to entertain them/make sure they're comfortable. Like, at some point I just gotta be me.

I just watched the trailer! I knew it was out but hadn't got around to seeing it. I forgot how much I really loved the chaotic vibes of this show. "Hell of a lot of Sydney's in here" loll - Tina and Ebra at culinary school is going to be so interesting! That small snippet of back and forth between Carmy and Molly Gordon's character has me hooked like idk who she is but I'm intrigued. Also I'm tired and delirious rn and the Original Berf shirt made me laugh way more than it probably should have 😂

[crepusculum-rattus]

Hey rat! HC Phil asks you say?

Talking about canon hc phil, how would you think he got his wings? Since he is only exploring, he would have only found endlantis is his current state, after all.

Also, if phil is to believe, there are one or two more deities in the world, any ideas who or what they could be?

What sort of beings do you think He and She are?

Hope you feel better soon btw <3 time for some self care and comfort media methinks :)

okay okay okay to me… hc phil Got his wings becauseee of the battle for endlantis. i know in game the guy had wings for that and it wasn’t finished yet…. but in my mind it’s how he earned them. bc i like to think the dragons attacking (even tho they were technicallyyyyyy trying to retaliate for years ago when ender tried to wipe them out) put the integrity of endlantis being pretty much a prison for ender at stake. basically he saved the place woooo… bc i am a sucker for wings needed to be earned for doing something heroic or just the universe liking you.. if that all makes sense??

i’ve honestly no idea what the other deities are but i’m hoping he jokingly makes one from “the aether.” just for shits and giggles. also it would be a cool deity if that were the case. it’s silly but would be sick af

personally i like the hc i’ve seen where He and She were actually just blazes. more humanoid than normal ones but.. still blazes :] bc blaze empress

and ty 💚 actually took me a minute to respond to this bc my supervisor let me go home a little early haha

[stuck-in-the-ghost-zone]

i miss cwilbur so much

[dammjamboy]

oghhh emotions </3