#Hummingbird ‎– Anna's Song

[sebring5]

IMG_3147 by Henry Via Flickr: Broad bill hummingbird

[k-looking-glass-house]

What if Crowley uses "bird" vocabulary like Floyd with his marine nicknames....

Yes he's a crow ... Just imagine if he sees us as biiiiird~

Of course it's just my point of view, I am not a professional in ornithology, you might have your own idea about this one and I would definitely want to hear about it!

Mostly they are birds we could see in my country...

Let's go:

Ombrorio

Grim(m) -> Grey catbird (grey like Grimm, striped wings and can make cat noise....yes)

Yuu(sona) -> Sparrow (Crowley would definitely call Yuu a little sparrow....)

Night Raven College staff

Sam -> Painted bunting (small, vibrant, colorful, a rare sight to view)

Mozus Trein -> Eurasian skylark (classy, well known literally a french song about this bird "he sung it to Lucius as a kitten")

Ashton Vargas -> Pheasant (....the irony as his Disney counterpart is an hunter, but vibrant color)

Divus Crewel -> Great spotted woodpecker (literally screaming I am Cruella, fashion red, black and white bird)

Heartslabyul

Ace Trappola -> Nothern cardinal (red... funky feather style, fights their own mirror reflection...)

Deuce Spade -> Blue slaty bunting

Riddle Roseheart -> Robin (Hi Ciel Phantomhive...I mean Kuroshitsuji ref but look that little red face)

Trey Clover -> Nightingale (sorry Trey...Crowley is implying you can either sing...or can't...but you do have a perfect voice!)

Cater Diamond -> Pyrrhula (I love this little bird too....they became very rare by now, look this tiny orange one)

(Heartslabyul are literally the birds of Aurora in 2d "Sleeping beauty")

Savannaclaw

Jack Howl -> Owl (....this one is pretty obvious)

Leona Kingscholar -> "Savanna" eagle (yes... definitely a strong bird)

Ruggie Bucchi -> Speckled mousebird (listen to that bird you'll understand, also....that feather hairstyle!)

Octavinelle

Jade Leech -> Emperor penguin (tall...classy ...can't fly pfff)

Azul Ashengrotto -> Nothern gannet (verrryyy big, analystic-smart one, can't walk on land...)

Floyd Leech -> Snare penguin (unique appareance, multiple various vocalized sounds)

Scarabia

Kalim Al Asim -> White falcon (precious, royal bird in a "maybe similar related country in our world")

Jamil Viper -> Red Parrot (or macaw) (obviously because of Iago)

Pomefiore

Epel Felmier -> Snow bunting (a "petite robuste" bird living in snow)

Vil Schoenheit -> Peacock (beautiful, handsome literally The Evil Queen's bird)

Rook Hunt -> Mallard (another irony for an hunter...but this bird is beautiful I mean it, and is found everywheerrre (like a stalker bird ha ha))

Ignihyde

Idia Shroud -> Blue jay (blue, black and blue stripes, funny enough the bird is stated to be noisy ha ha, Idia can be supah noisy sometimes too when setting his boundaries, GG Idia!)

Ortho Shroud -> Eurasian blue tit (a little fluffy bird, blue and yellow doing a very cute melodious sound, I love watching them...)

Diasomnia

Sebek Zigvolt -> Egyptian plover (yes....the bird on the crocodile's back...yes)

Malleus Draconia -> Great eared nightjar (it's a dragon bird....look at him)/I could have chosen Casoar too... but nope...

Lilia Vanrouge -> Anna's hummingbird (it's small, pink and changes color with light...like his hairs)

Silver -> Nine-primaried oscines (a cute lovely bird in our woods, pink and blue)

Thanks National Geographic....

It's just pure fanon brainstorming... I'm sorry...

bird photos were mostly took from "Wikipedia"

[foxes-that-run]

Which guitar did Taylor gift Harry?

As mentioned, I had heard of this guitar but never seen a reference to it before this old post, which may be made up. It says it is a Custom Gibson guitar for Christmas 2012. And I am hoping someone will know more and pipe up. So I'd be guessling so here are three Gibson Guitars they have that match:

Gibson Songwriter

Taylor used this for This Love on the 1989 World Tour, I'm not a guitar expert but Harry's matches this shape. Harry had this guitar in May 2013. This photo if often cited as when he wrote Happily, but I am not sure if fans just decided that because it's the song on that album no one else in 1D wrote on.

Black Gibson Dove

I'd like it to be this one, it seems more like a gift and these guitars match so nicely! Taylor has the Gibson Hummingbird, we first saw it on Ellen in 2012 and she uses it for Betty on the Eras tour now. Harry has the Gibson Dove in Black. Harry used it for Anna on HS Live on Tour and Adore You at Tiny Desk.

Gibson ES-350T Duplicate

I don't feel like it's this one, but they both have it, Harry uses it alot, for Stockholm Syndrome, Ever Since NY, Kiwi, Carolina, he used it in the Behind the Album, on the Today Show and with Stevie Nicks this week. Taylor used hers in the making of Gorgeous.

They also both own other Gibsons that don't match. They also both have:

have used Fender Telecasters, but we saw Harry get his from Mitch in Behind the Album and not Gibsons.

Taylor guitars.

Also Harry’s painted Martin (and unpainted for Two Ghosts in behind the album a different similar guitar or same one?) is similar to a Martin Taylor used in the Long Pond sessions.

[insipid-drivel]

Personality Ratings Of The Birds That Visit My Bird Feeders

I have the beginnings of a little bird/pollinator garden outside of my bedroom window. It's nothing to show off yet, but I have a pretty big variety of regulars. And, like any bartender, I've come to silently judge them all from afar. Here are my ratings of my local Seed Bastards:

Dark-Eyed Junco:

Bastard Rating: 4/10 They take no shit and don't mind continuing to eat within about 10' of me when I'm actively working outside. Mostly bogart the feeders through numbers rather than actual bastardy. They go berserk for sunflower seeds and shelled peanuts. Don't scare easy but also aren't terribly interested in getting into it with the other birds.

House Finch:

Bastard Rating: 7/10 Refuses to share feeders. Chases other birds except their wives from the feeders, and will fully "nest" on tray feeders so their fat asses block the other birds from getting any from the feeder. I vaguely suspect they're racist toward the other birds because they'll only allow other house finches to eat from the feeders they're squatting in. At the same time, I've seen males feeding other males. Possible problematic queer icons. More review needed.

Chestnut-Backed Chickadee:

Bastard Rating: 5/10 Too tiny to really pose much of a territorial issue, but kinda remind me of flying chihuahuas. They mind their own business when they can, but will not hesitate to throw hands with other birds over either the sunflower feeder or suet cake. Generally don't hold grudges and stay in their lanes, until it comes to suet cakes.

Golden-Crowned Sparrow:

Bastard Rating: 2/10 Hang out in pretty big numbers, but otherwise mind their own business and eat when the other birds aren't taking up the feeders. They prefer the ground feeders. They're generally pretty chill. Their only true crimes are their systematic massacres of my supplies of black oil sunflower seeds.

Varied Thrush:

Bastard Rating: 0/10 Competes with Spotted Towhees in terms of raw cunt-serving power, both my cat and I get all kinds of tingly when this thot shows up. Yeah, he knows you're staring. He knows how good he looks. He's the flashiest bitch on the block. Robins? Dowdy Catholic school kids. Goldfinches? All color, no drama. This magnificent slut is here to slay.

Spotted Towhee:

Bastard Rating: 4/10 The hot goth vampire kid in high school you're 99% has their own OF account. Professionally Round. Uses his phat ass to own the runway (and my feeders) next to his frumpy competition. Is secretly a complete nerd. Basically if Laszlo Cravensworth was a bird.

Pine Siskin:

Bastard Rating: 9/10 This barely-there wannabe-goldfinch would apply lube to the bottom of your heels on Drag Night. The Heelies of the bird world; never truly cool but grasping at any legitimacy he can get. Nobody appreciates plagiarism. And ugh, he couldn't even be bothered to finish blending. What a rank slag. Get off my stage and learn how to work, bitch.

Black-Capped Chickadee:

Bastard Rating: 11/10 DO NOT BE DECEIVED BY THEIR ROUND CUTENESS. These little fuckers are the gangbangers of the forest. Subsist on raw suet cake and spite. They're consistently possessed with the rage of a lust-addled Klingon woman. What the fuck are you doing at their suet cake? God help you, if you're at their suet cake, they will c u t y o u.

Song Sparrow:

Bastard Rating: -1/10 Babygirl. Precious. Just wants to sit on the edge of the gutters or the top of the feeders and make it as independent folk singers. Probably resort to posting hole from time to time to make end's meet. Always eat last because it's all love, my brothers in Christ.

Anna's Hummingbird:

Bastard Rating: 9/10 While they may have cool optical illusions when it comes to their holographic feathers, they verbally abuse me every time I refill the feeder and it hurts my feelings :(

Rufous Hummingbird:

Bastard Rating: 1/10 Shy bois. They stay out of the way until they're sure I've gone back inside before they'll visit the feeders. Generally loners.

Ruby-Throated Hummingbird:

Bastard Rating: 3/10 Generally the It Girls of the bird world. You know your garden is officially making it when these start showing up. They know they're the most popular but generally try to stay grounded about it. Will sometimes hang out and chat while the hummingbird feeder is being refilled. Used to scare me as a kid because my sister convinced me they'd try to stab their beaks into acne spots. While untrue, they don't have much of a sense of personal space.

Mourning Dove:

Bastard Rating: 1/10 Generally only bother the other birds because they're fat and eat in groups big enough to make it hard for the other birds to get at the seed on the ground. Sing beautifully. Makes Hatoful Boyfriend kind of make sense. Ngl kinda wanna befriend one. Confuse me a little bit whenever I see them because I live in a swamp and didn't expect to find any doves out here.

Stellar's goddamned Jay:

Bastard Rating: WHAT DO I HAVE TO DO?!/FUCK I KNOW THE SUNFLOWER DISPENSER JIGGLES WHEN YOU TRY TO FLY YOUR FAT ASS INTO IT. NO, I CANNOT MAKE THE FEEDER POLE STOP WIGGLING WHEN YOU PARK YOUR WIDE LOAD ON TOP OF IT. GDI I BOUGHT PEANUTS FOR YOU. STOP IMITATING A SHRIEKING HAWK TO SCARE AWAY THE OTHER BIRDS AND LEARN TO SHARE YOU ABSOLUTE TWAT.

[whatsthebird]

Week of 19MAY2024 Answers

Answers hidden under the cut.

183 - Brambling by @ascendeddragonsage

184 - Brewer's Blackbird by @sixhole

185 - Graylag Goose by @thintheboxking

186 - Anna's Hummingbird by @Feridthesassygayfriend

187 - Semipalmated Plover by @blue-jacket-blues

188 - Song Sparrow by @amonrudh

189 - Palm Warbler by @entguarde

How many birds did you get right? Consider adding correct birds to your WTB Life List!

As always, birding is a cooperative experience. Help your fellow birders out by discussing key features that help identity and distinguish a bird in the notes.

Finally, let's give a feathery thank you to this week's submitters.

Keep the game alive! Submit a bird HERE

[na-bird-of-the-day]

BOTD: Anna's Hummingbird

Photo: Dario Taraborelli

"This hardy little bird is a permanent resident along our Pacific Coast, staying through the winter in many areas where no other hummingbirds are present. More vocal than most hummingbirds, males have a buzzy song, often given while perched. In recent decades the species has expanded its range, probably helped along by flowers and feeders in suburban gardens; it now nests north to British Columbia and east to Arizona."

- Audubon Field Guide

[wingedjewels]

Anna's Hummingbird by Kip Hutchison Via Flickr: Measurements Both Sexes Length: 3.9 in (10 cm) Weight: 0.1-0.2 oz (3-6 g) Wingspan: 4.7 in (12 cm Anna’s Hummingbirds are mostly green and gray, without any rufous or orange marks on the body. The male's head and throat are covered in iridescent reddish-pink feathers that can look dull brown or gray without direct sunlight. Anna’s Hummingbirds are a blur of motion as they hover before flowers looking for nectar and insects. Listen for the male's scratchy metallic song and look for him perched above head level in trees and shrubs.

[gtlurker]

Chapter five! Sorry for not updating in a but I've been busy, this ones kinda short, enjoy!

“Okay, so you need new clothes.” I say while loosely gesturing at Isabelle's threadbear dress that she's clearly had just a few years too long.

We got to the safe house about half an hour ago, and Isabelle has already had three panic attacks and even bit atlas once when he tried to pick her up. She looks down at her dress and then backs up at me, her expression clearly conveying that she doesn't think they make clothes in her size.

“Atlas over here makes doll clothes, I'm sure he has something in your size.” I gesture over to Atlas who is wasting a bandaid on the small bite mark that isn't even bleeding.

Atlas has told me that he plans to be a dressmaker once he gets out of college. He works with me since we make a lot of money in our line of work so he can save up to start his own business. He makes miniature versions of his designs for practice, which im sure would fit isa perfectly.

“I'll draw you a nice bath while atlas grabs those?” i suggest, and she just gave me a weird look. With a sigh I grab a small bowl from the cupboard and set in behind the old breadbox. Most of the kitchen appliances here are pretty old and the house is old despite the money we make.

We have to keep a low profile.

Besides, most of our money goes to buying weapons and extra cars so we can’t be traced. “You can go behind there for a bit of privacy, we won't look, promise.”

Atlas says, and I watch her carefully step behind the breadbox as I fill a cup up with warm water to fill the bowl with. I send atlas to go grab a bit of shampoo, conditioner and body wash in a bottle cap.

My hand Hesitates for a moment when Isabelle lets out a small sound of surprise while I was reaching my hand in to grab the bowl. “Not looking, just grabbing the bowl.” I reassure her.

She reminds me a bit of a squirrel. She jumps at the slightest movement, when we were eating early I saw her stuff a bit of food into her pockets, she's fast, and most notably her size.

Now that we aren't actively trying to escape the lab, I'm able to fully take in her size. She goes against everything I learned in school. Logicly, a person of her unique stature wouldn't be able to produce enough body heat to keep themselves alive and would need to be constantly moving and eating to keep themselves alive. Kinda like how hummingbirds drink sugar water and are constantly in a state of movement.

Yet, here she is. Defying math and logic itself by standing at a mere fourish inches tall and near starving to death via malnourishment and seemingly producing enough body heat to not freeze death.

Hopefully she'll answer my questions and explain what had happened to make her like this before her brother comes to collect her. I can't explain why, but the thought of her leaving makes my heart heavy.

With a sigh, I make sure she has everything she needs before I leave the kitchen to go find atlas. It doesn't take long because he's usually in either one of two places, his bedroom or the studio.

I do the same knock that anna did during ‘do you want to build a snowman’ on the studio door, and wait for his confirmation that i can come in.

“knock normally.” he calls back, i can tell that he's focused. A grin stretches across my face and I proceed to bang on his door, again to the tune of the famous kids song. He groans and I laugh, “come in.”

I enter the studio and am immediately hit with the scent of fabric glue invading my sense of smell, I cover my nose while opening the window closest to him. “What are you working on? And does it need that much glue?” I ask, and atlas doesn't even bother to look up.

“Pajamas, Isabelle needs something to sleep in doesn't she?” he replies dryly, a small sigh escapes his lips as he sets down his pin to look up at me.

“Am I in trouble for hitting you with the car?” i laugh at the question, “of course you are.” he deflates, and goes back to his work. “Unless. . .” I start with a smile in my voice, and he turns back and spins around in his chair immediately.

“Find out everything you can about isabelle.”

[imasallstars]

The cover art for THE IDOLM@STER MILLION ANIMATION THE@TER START THE DREAM album has been released and the album is set to be released on February 21st 2024. It will feature the various songs sung in the anime.

The crossfade of the album is located here

DISC 1 TRACKLIST:

Tr.01　Dreaming! 　Singer(s): MILLIONSTARS Team6th Tr.02　Rocket Star☆ 　Singer(s): Tsubasa Ibuki Tr.03　Umikaze to Castanet 　Singer(s): MILLIONSTARS Team2nd Tr.04　Festa Illumination 　Singer(s): Matsuri Tokugawa Tr.05　Chou↑GenShow☆Idol ch@ng! 　Singer(s): Arisa Matsuda Tr.06　Baton Touch 　Singer(s): MILLIONSTARS Team5th Tr.07　Sentimental Venus 　Singer(s): Fuka Toyokawa, Anna Mochizuki, Nao Yokoyama Tr.08　Ruriiro Kingyo to Hanashoubu 　Singer(s): Tsumugi Shiraishi Tr.09　Hummingbird 　Singer(s): Kaori Sakuramori Tr.10　Orange no Kioku 　Singer(s): MILLIONSTARS Team3rd Tr.11　catch my feeling 　Singer(s): MILLIONSTARS Team4th Tr.12　Star Impression 　Singer(s): MILLIONSTARS Team1st Tr.13　Twirler 　Singer(s): MILLIONSTARS Team7th Tr.14　Unknown Box no Hirakikata 　Singer(s): MILLIONSTARS Team6th Tr.15　REFRAIN REL@TION 　Singer(s): MILLIONSTARS Team8th Tr.16　Brand New Theater! 　Singer(s): MILLIONSTARS

DISC 2 TRACKLIST:

Tr.01　We Have A Dream (Anime ver.) 　Singer(s): Mirai Kasuga, Shizuka Mogami, Tsubasa Ibuki, Matsuri Tokugawa, Yuriko Nanao, Serika Hakozaki, Anna Mochizuki Tr.02　Thank You! (Acoustic ver.) 　Singer(s): MILLIONSTARS Tr.03　Snow White 　Singer(s): Shizuka Mogami Tr.04　READY!! (Anime ver.) 　Singer(s): MILLIONSTARS Tr.05　G-Senjou no Aria 　Singer(s): Chihaya Kisaragi, Shizuka Mogami, Shiho Kitazawa, Serika Hakozaki Tr.06　Gift Sign 　Lyrics: Erica Masaki　Music&Arrange: Atsushi Harada (Arte Refact) 　Singer(s): Shizuka Mogami Tr.07　READY!!(M@STER VERSION) 　Singer(s): MILLIONSTARS Team8th

[anonsally]

More bad bird photography!

Top row: 3 photos of the same lesser goldfinch.

Row 2: A crow on a wire with a small fragment of thin board; very poor photo of a very derpy looking Anna's hummingbird

Row 3: Unidentified bird (house finch? but the beak seems slightly small for that. song sparrow? they usually have a dark spot in the center of the chest though. @lies?); ridiculously poor photo of a Townsend's warbler amongst the leaves (on the left, about 1/3 of the way down)

Row 4: Red-shouldered hawk with prey; very blurry photo of a small but blooming magnolia in which a Steller's jay had landed but may or may not be in frame!

[lies]

My best bird photos of April 2023 according to eBird’s users.

Anna’s Hummingbird, Hutton’s Vireo, Great-tailed Grackle, Elegant Tern, Song Sparrow.

[sebring5]

IMG_3150 by Henry Via Flickr: Song sparrow

[hesbuckcompton-baby]

helena, hi! i've been listening to the record on loop for the past few days (it gets better every time i swear) and wanted to come pop in with an ask:

if your ocs were boygenius songs, which would they be? and, if you're feeling inspired, what about your oc ships?

BLU WHEN I TELL YOU I SCREAMED AT THIS ASK???? YOUR MIND >>>

Valerie Harmon - Ketchum, ID

I am never anywhere / Anywhere I go / When I'm home, I'm never there / Long enough to know

Anna March - Me & My Dog

I never said I'd be alright / Just thought I could hold myself together / When I couldn't breathe, I went outside / Don't know why I thought it'd be any better

Frankie Bevan - $20

Mama told me that it don't run on wishes / But that I should have fun / Pushing the flowers that come up / Into the front of a shotgun / So many hills to die on / Run out of gas, out of time, out of money / You're doing what you can, just makin' it run

Diana Fayed - Stay Down

So would you teach me I'm the villain, aren't I? / Aren't I the one constantly repentin' for a difficult mind? / Push me down into the water like a sinner, hold me under / And I'll never come up again

Camille Whitney - Souvenir

Always managed to move in / Right next to cemeteries / And never far from a hospital / I don't know what that tells you about me

Faye Warren - Satanist

Will you be a nihilist with me? / If nothin' matters, man, that's a relief / Solomon had a point when he wrote "Ecclesiastes" / If nothing can be known, then stupidity is holy / If the void becomes a bore, we'll treat ourselves to some self-belief

George Aarons - Letter To An Old Poet

I wanna be happy / I'm ready to walk into my room without lookin' for you / I'll go up to the top of our building / And remember my dog when I see the full moon / I can't feel it yet / But I am waiting

Ships:

Val and Ron - Without You Without Them

Speak to me, speak to me, speak to me / Until your history's no mystery to me / Talk to me , talk to me, talk to me / Until the words run dry, we'll see eye to eye / I'll give everything I've got / Please take what I can give

Anna and Eugene - We're In Love

I can't imagine you without the same smile in your eyes / There is somethin' about you that I will always recognize / And if you don't remember / I will try to remind you of the hummingbirds / You know the ones

Frankie and Rosie - Black Hole

Good day, good night, good talk, goodbye / It's out of your hands, but have a safe flight / My thoughts, all noise, fake smile, decoys / Sometimes, I need to hear your voice

Diana and Reg - Voyager

It's a hundred and three in the Valley / Blacktop is meltin' on our shoes / And I don't mean to make it all about me / But I used to believe no one could love you like I do / And I'm startin' to think that it might be impossible not to 

Camille and Eugene - Not Strong Enough

I don't know why I am / The way I am / Not strong enough to be your man / I lied, I am / Just lowering your expectations

Faye and Shifty - Leonard Cohen

Leonard Cohen once said / "There's a crack in everything, that's how the light gets in" / And I am not an old man having an existential crisis / At a Buddhist monastery writing horny poetry / But I agree / I never thought you'd happen to me

George and Curt - Emily, I'm Sorry

Emily, I'm sorry, I just / Make it up as I go along / And I can feel myself becoming / Someone only you could want

[audible-smiles]

yard list, in order of appearance

starting in March of 2023

chestnut-backed chickadee

song sparrow

bushtit

lesser goldfinch

house finch

Anna's hummingbird

American crow

white-breasted nuthatch

northern flicker

dark-eyed junco

downy woodpecker

spotted towhee

Bewick's wren

[irrealisms]

11, 13 and 14 for isolate song?

11: What do you like best about this fic?

the ending :D like to some extent also other more general things like "the concept" and "the dialogue" but mostly. the ending.

The day before the festival, Tommy flies on his own for the first time since before exile. Up from the ground, not gliding down, a proper flight. He flies up and up and up, through the clouds, until he’s above them, above the snow and the rain, and lands on the top of his tower to sing as loud as he can in the thin air.

13: What music did you listen to, if any, to get in the mood for writing this story? Or if you didn’t listen to anything, what do you think readers should listen to to accompany us while reading?

fun fact--i think i might have said this in the liner notes, i forget--it actually almost got named so this is what the volume knob is for, which is from Dance Music by the Mountain Goats. i listened to that a lot when getting in the mood for writing this. songs i listened to less but still a notable amount are Pigs That Ran Straightaway Into the Water, Triumph of by the Mountain Goats and Amy aka Spent Gladiator 1 by the Mountain Goats. if you don't like the mountain goats i got nothing for this one, sorry.

14: Is there anything you wanted readers to learn from reading this fic?

couple levels here.

level 1: i think that more hybrid fic/wingfic/etc etc. should be more grounded in biology. not ALL of it necessarily! but idk, ime ppl who really like birds have really really good wingfic and wingfic ideas that are also super original and thought-through. i would never have come up with "birdsong neuroscience exile fic" on my own, huge thanks to birdy for that, and of course soroka is forever my inspiration for writing wings and feathers and such. if u learn one thing from my fic let it be "make friends with biologists and let them give you fic ideas"

level 2: did you know that songbirds raised in acoustic isolation produce atypical song bc they rely so heavily on memorizing a tutor's song!!! or that most songbirds will keep producing that atypical song forever if they don't learn song from tutors during their critical period (like human language learning) BUT there are also open-ended song learners (canaries! starlings!)!!!! or that hummingbirds and parrots have similar stuff going on there (long-billed hermits are open-ended learners but anna's hummingbirds are closed-ended)!!!! i didn't!!! now you do too!!!! on a ~smaller scale of something i knew going in, a lot of wing clipping fics have the wing clipping hurt, which isn't true--the primary thing that wing clipping does is just. stops you from flying away. which is a different sort of horror!

(Reblog if you are a fanfiction author and would like your readers to put one of your fic titles in your ask + questions about it)

[breesays]

This will be our year --

Moving and transitioning and ending and searching. Spicy popcorn and texts just to check in. K.Flay and drawing with the right pens and making up words. Fizzy water and Lorde and ace community immersion. Thinking of the worst responses possible and keeping them to myself. Anna Banana workouts and binge reading and lemon gum trees. Yellowcard's "end" lasting exactly as long as my marriage. The Crane Wife and roles and relationships. Done lists over to-do lists and taking back nostalgia and seaweed snacks. The trivial and monumental, interwoven. Fall Out Boy's best album and again feeling like I NEED to be at certain shows. Hearing "Space" at WWWY. Watching lives fall apart and be stitched back together again. Realizing I have so many more questions than the ones I am asking - how can I be the next Barbara Walters? Planks and patio projects and tingling in my toes when the gummies hit just right. Facing the Instant Pot and failing a little but also making it work, a few times. Glass Animals and Goldfinger for Des and counterspace after the downstairs neighbors that gave me PTSD. Book club(s) and 6 pack of peaks and having friends to send sad text messages to. My 20-lb cat sleeping on my chest and framing mantras and having a few morning dance parties with Des. From "I made the mistake of reading your blog" to scrivener to hold my hand while we fall asleep. Booking The Warning and listening to Nosebleeds and feeling sleepy at The Hollywood Bowl during DCFC. To groupchats and moms club(s) and buying a dining table. Olivia Rodrigo and Paramore and Kesha and also wasn't 2008 a great year?

When I wrote this: It's my birthday. I'm celebrating but still also kind of mourning and my kid had a winter show today where he performed 3 songs from Grease (which is maybe the most I've ever seen of Grease) and it was the cutest thing I've ever seen and then got my friends into a show I didn't care to see but wanted to be out, doing something. I also knew there were words, sentences bubbling up inside of me. Eat a grilled cheese, talk about life, get home before you spill over. Too bad we couldn't find the warm floor of an abandoned basketball court to watch for shooting stars. In this smog? Well, we're optimists.

I've embarked on a personal project to go through all of my 3200+ LiveJournal entries. It's self-indulgent, I know. It's not without purpose. I'm writing a book about all the relationships I've navigated while not (really) knowing I'm Ace and I wanted to make sure I got the timeline and the sentiments correct. It's easy to be a badass in retrospect - but I don't want to lie to make myself look better. I've loved with my whole heart, with one ankle bearing the pressure of a door plenty of people had try to -end scene- me with.

Two things can be true? Actually, ten things can be true.

Can you believe how many lives we've already lived, inside of this one?

PJ already has 7000 words. He always said he said he felt small compared to me. The reason for his tall tales. I've been courted and carried and loved and weaved into the fabric of other beings and yet this shitbird from Missouri - he opens me up like its arterial. He's dead, and I'm still bleeding. I don't know what the LESSON is here. Worse - maybe there isn't one. Maybe I just feel bad until I feel better.

Overall, though - I guess this is progress. I'm feeling my feelings, even if they seem overdramatic, irrational. Future me is going to be back here, searching - so I give her this: You were sad. Your friend cup was overflowing and everyone wanted to celebrate with you, but you didn't have the energy (or money) to plan anything. You were going to a lot of shows. Reading like a fiend. Getting Desmond into OK Go. Forcing yourself to workout for the endorphins. You love where you live, in Studio City. The giant window, the patio, trees, the hummingbirds - the smallest things make the hugest impact. You have so much to look forward to.

Celebrate your friends birthdays because they are not guaranteed. Reach out, reach back, reach wherever and tell people that they matter. Spread your wings, take up space because this is it. This is it.