#How to lose weight through diet plan?

[epigstolary]

Welcome to Epigstolary, a place where I write about gaining, feeding, and all things fattening. My stories are usually at the higher end of the scale, with an affectionate emphasis on teasing, humiliation, and the consequences of extreme gluttony. If that sounds like your cup of tea, I think you’ll enjoy what’s in these pages, and I hope you’ll check out some of the stories linked below:

CONTENTS

Tough Guy — You may think you’re a man’s man, even if that waistline says otherwise. But your enabling partner’s happy to let you keep thinking whatever you want.

On Your Own — What does the future have in store for your superchub self without your feeder?

Real Talk — Your friend has some “advice” to share with you about your weight and habits.

Rebound — It’s easier to regain, and then some — as you’ll soon find out.

The Middle of Nowhere — Part One — A gainer who chooses an idyllic life in the country with their feeder might have gotten more than they bargained for.

The Middle of Nowhere — Part Two — How does a rural superchub handle dinner guests and a trip into town?

Lecture — You’re the focal point of a scientific teachable moment about the effects of hypermorbid obesity on the human body.

Deaf Ears — You haven’t been listening to your feeder’s warnings about your habits, and this is the result.

Step By Step — You don’t become a superchub overnight. But there are signs that’s where things are going.

Big Deal — It’s time you gave your feeder a talking-to after they get cold feet from your recent gains.

The Makings of a Glutton — What makes a superchub? A menu of food that’s terrible for you, apparently.

Too Much of a Good Thing — It may be wonderful, but the weight of your feeder’s affection is catching up with you.

A New Home — A newly-immobile superchub gets used to life in a facility meant to help them lose weight, but the caregiver who fed them that size has other plans.

Sedentary — Years of poor diet and too much time on the couch has made it harder and harder to get around.

A Normal Life — You consider a return to civilian life after years as a live-in feedee.

Out and About — Your feeder recounts their favorite things about taking you out and showing you off to unsuspecting, shocked civilians.

Wish Fulfillment — You awaken to find yourself the immobile superchub of your dreams, but how long will you get to enjoy it?

The Look — Your feeder wants to make sure you understand your situation.

Weakness — Your feeder confronts you with how your weakness for food brought you to your current obese condition.

Best Intentions — Unsuspecting bystanders gape, mock, and try to help as you begin mysteriously and rapidly gaining hundreds of pounds.

Enabling Delusion — You and your partner still think you’re going to lose the weight. Your friends think differently.

Center of Attention — Your popularity as a superchub influencer won’t save you from humiliation when your gains finally catch up to you.

Consumed — A poetic exploration of how gaining grew to dominate your life.

Expressions — A feeder recounts a gainer’s progress through how they react to their burgeoning body.

The Biggest Size They Make — You’ve been fighting your wardrobe for a long time, and now you’re losing the battle.

Morning — Nothing beats a cozy, comfy morning being spoiled by your feeder.

Excuses — You always have an excuse ready for why your weight isn’t a problem. But there are signs that you’re only fooling yourself.

The Deal — Your bodybuilding arrangement with a savvy gainer proves to be more than you bargained for.

Over The Edge — An admirer puzzles over how you let yourself get to the edge of the gaining abyss.

Just A Number — That’s all weight is, but yours has been going up alarmingly fast.

A Growing Problem — Your partner finally gets their concerns about your weight problem off their chest.

When, Not Whether — Gaining like you do isn’t sustainable. You’re heading for a crisis; it’s just a matter of time.

Realization — Your partner finally takes off the mask, revealing their inner feeder once it’s too late for you to do anything about it.

No Going Back — You thought you could experiment with gaining and lose the weight after you’d had your fun. You were wrong.

Trough — A shadowy feeder sets you up to eat like the farm animal you are, to see just how long you can manage.

Big and Tall — A rotund clothes shopper needs the help of a chaser sales clerk after a sartorial mishap.

Polite — You’ve gotten too fat to make fun of, but the polite restraint from your friends tells you everything you need to know.

Vignettes

You Ate

Beyond Your Control

Animals

Love

The Tailor

Comment Section

Drive-Thru

Scale #1

Scale #2

[occamstfs]

Diet Diaries

Hi all! Thank you so much for 500 followers! Here's a little style switch up to celebrate, got a lotta refs in this one and I quite leaned into the diary entries so I hope it's not too much! Hope y'all enjoy this stereotype reversal and as always, best! -Occam

Monday March 21st-

Andy:

I am beyond sick of Steve. Moving in together was a mistake, I don’t care how cheap the rent is, he is a narcissistic slob and I am eager to never see him again. Well no, I shouldn’t get ahead of myself. Our R.A. had this idea to try and walk in each other's shoes, which I don’t know? It might not be the worst thing? My big idea was switching diets actually- honestly I’m just hoping if he ate more like me he’ll stop stinking up the dorm. I can dream at least. Literally though he just can’t go to the gym as often if he eats like me. If I'm lucky at the very least his deodorant will last longer, I cannot take another day of his b.o. seeping through the walls, ugh! Anyway, wish me luck! I’m sure this will be a breeze for me, he usually just eats junk anyway, hope he enjoys my salads~

Steve:

Andy that little fucker. He was being such a little bitch to James and now I’ve gotta eat his rabbit food for a week or lose this bet or whatever. Steve don’t lose tho. Lil twink’s gotta eat whatever I make him too and you can bet your ass I’m gonna make him match my macros if I’ve gotta starve myself like he wants. Fuck! This shit is going to absolutely tank my routine! I’ve gotta make Andy give up. I’m gonna go so hard on him he’ll have to hit weights if he doesn't want to blow up like a pig. Maybe then he’ll stop bitching any time I don’t fucking shower every time I get back home. 

Tuesday March 22nd-

Andy:

My Lord! He is trying to kill me! I don’t know how anyone could consistently eat as much as he’s telling me to. I’m so bloated from all this food.. He looks so smug every time he tells me to keep eating, I’m sure he doesn’t eat like this. He’s just trying to break me but I’m not going to let him win this easy.

Ugh, I feel so bloated my pants are so tight on my waist. I didn’t think meat sweats were a thing but man I am needing to put on deodorant like twice a day now and I’m not even exercising. I will say that now that I’m eating so much, I don’t hate the idea of going to the gym. It’s been a while since I went but I should probably at least hit up the treadmill lest I get even more of a gut- maybe I’ll see if he wants to go tomorrow. This is all just an exercise to understand each other more after all, no need to make it a stupid competition like he wants eh~

Steve:

Fuck! I am so tired of Andy’s pussy-ass diet. I had absolutely no energy at the gym today, I told all my bros that I was just gonna take it easy but fuck! I really was working my ass off and I struggled to even meet a PR I set last week. It was supposed to be a push day and I didn’t even get a chest pump! Why the fuck am I still going. I’m abso-fucking-lutely not getting gains on his fuckin’ bitch-ass salads and oats.

Eatin’ like a fucking twink and the fucker has the nerve to ask to go to the gym with me tomorrow. I’ll make sure he regrets that >:) Gonna work him like a horse so he’ll throw in the towel! After feeling how sore actually working on yourself makes ya, he might actually learn something. I’ll turn in early so I can go all out and show him what a real man looks like.

Wednesday March 23rd-

Andrew:

Man! I totally get why Steven eats so much now~ I am absolutely raring to go and get this; He said I could go to the gym with him today! He even seemed like he wanted me to go with him! I feel like I have more energy than I’ve ever had before, I might even try some weights!! I don’t know but I’m so excited! It’s like I can feel my chest and biceps begging me to go and hit some iron haha! Or whatever those “bros” say~ I hope he’s got something good planned for lunch because I fuck Sorry! I just want to show him that I can do all this dude stuff too! I’m a man right? I guess all this protein is making me feel more like a man than usual idk. Either way though I’m ready to go! Hope we have some fun!

Steven:

That bitch’s fuckin’ fru fru salads are ruining my PR’s for sure! I bet he knew that when he begged me to take him to the gym today, knew it was the only time he could show off to me was when I’m so out of it. And he didn't! Just to be clear I could still wipe the floor with  him even if I’m not at my A-game. Ugh, I do gotta hand it to the little fucker though. I KNOW he hasn’t even really set foot in a gym before but man. Beginners luck my ass, as soon as I showed him a technique he lifted like he’s been doing it his whole life! It’s like I could see his pecs and tris swelling up with each lift. Not that I was staring at the bitch or anything but he’s just I just need this fuckin’ diet thing to end so I can get back to my grind, I guess I wouldn’t hate taking him to the gym more often, would be hot to make a bitch into a bro Fuck! What am I writing, I just need to lift again.

Thursday March 24th-

Andrew: 

Bro! Weird? Whatever, I am absolutely on fire! Steven’s diet is absolutely killer! I don’t know how it’s working so well but man I couldn’t care less, I felt like a pro in there! My coaches in school would always shit on me for not trying but man! I was barely trying yesterday but I could tell from the look on Steven’s face that I was acing it! I guess I’ll have to admit to him that he is definitely onto something with his macros but man, not until he gives up haha! Man, I need to chill haha, it’s not like I’m any stronger than I was Monday but man, looking at myself in the mirror it just seems like my clothes are just fitting better. Catching on my chest rather than my stomach y’know? I’ve never noticed that there is muscle on my arms before but man the way my sleeves are kinda hugging my biceps mm. I need to chill haha! Can’t use all my energy before hitting the gym again today!

OH! Also totally weird, I’ve had to shave twice this week! Once last night and then again this morning which is so weird! I’m not complaining though, it’s not like I wouldnt look hot with a beard right? Although my face is a little itchy already, my chest too? Whatever though haha! Time to head back to the grind lol!

Steven:

God!! Andy Andrew is being such an asshole! He’s clogging the sink shaving which I know he would so be on my ass if I had done that. Wait, he did get on my ass for shaving! But it hasn’t been a problem this week, it’s like I’m not even growing stubble for some reason? Probably from not working so hard at the gym, is that how that works? Whatever it’ll be over as soon as this stupid diet thing is. We’re halfway through now. Thank God! Because that fucking twink is starting to stink up the dorm which again!! He was such a little bitch all the time to me about that! It’s like he’s literally stopped using deodorant as soon as he started needing it! He’s never exerted himself in his life and now that his pits are sweating at all he’s suddenly allergic to hygiene, ugh! I saw last night too the fucker fell asleep with his head in his pit too so it’s not like he doesn’t know it. 

It was a little surprising actually, cause I would’ve sworn he was hairless like one of those freak cats but man his pit was as thick as my pubes! Thicker maybe, uh? Man I wish I could get that image out of my head, it’s like the tuft was pushing out further each time he inhaled, man that’s kinda hot? Fuck! I swear this twink-ass diet is making me think like him too. I need to sneak to the gym later, without him. I cannot have him getting ahead even while I’m still on his chickenshit diet.

Friday March 25th-

Steven:

Ah!! That Little bitch! He was already at the gym when I got there! Ugh! It makes me want to punch a wall, or fight him. Or something I dont know! It’s just, he was lifting my body weight on the bench when he saw me, it was so ho ugh! It doesn’t matter what it was, I can’t stop thinking of that smug look on his face- what I would give to wipe it off… That absolute prick knew what he was doing. Ugh, speaking of pricks! He may as well have not been wearing shorts at all by how much his cock was showing through them.

I knew my meal prepping was fucking tight but man, I can’t believe hot its made him. It just really fucking turns me on, or no its such a turn on for chicks. Yeah. Whatever. I need this bet to end already. Clearly he’s totally obsessed with my lifestyle so he should just admit it already! Also, hate to say it, but to Andrew’s credit his diet ain't too bad either. I’d never tell him this, and it is all a little emasculating but my skin has never looked this good. I’m not even doing skincare or anything but it’s like I’ve been on a routine for years, it’s crazy! It’s still ruining my upper gains but man, my ass looks so good it's crazy..

Oh also re: facial hair, I woke up this morning and could’ve sworn I used to have chest hair but now it looks like I’ve got just a little left around my nipples and leading up from my pubes? I might go ahead and shave those too, might as well be totally smooth like a chick right haha, I wonder what Andrew would think? I need to chill haha, maybe I’ll go see if he’s still at the gym~

Andrew:

Fuuuuck dude lol. I should’ve started hitting up the gym ages ago. Don’t know what I was even wasting time on before I started doing twice-a-days? Studying I guess but I can figure that shit stuff out hm. Fuck it is so much better to be strong than a dweeb. Every set it feels like I’m just busting out new PR’s! Gonna need to buy new clothes though cause I am absolutely tearing up my crop tops, my twinky little wardrobe just isn’t cutting it anymore. Maybe Steven’d be down for a clothes swap, I’ve seen him eying up my fits all week, god knows he’ll fit them better lol. Oh haha, and speaking of him eying things up >:) You should’ve seen his little face blush when he walked into the gym this morning! He looked so pissed at me lol, but I’m not gonna grab him to come along every time I need to get some sets in right? It was pretty embarrassing for him yesterday anyway, the way I showed him up lol. I’m not just gonna sit around and watch him not lift weights when I can figure this shit out myself, thought it was supposed to be his thing though lol.

Mm, saying that though, I def didn’t hate having a little audience from his treadmill. God, his blushing face as he stared directly at my work-out chub. Fuck, it really got me going. It really helped my sets too haha. Maybe I should hit him up lol, I can tell how bad he wants me >:)

Saturday March 26th-

Stevie:

Ugh! That douche is walking around the dorm completely shirtless! Do you know what it’s like to have an oaf flexing away across the room from you 24/7! He knows what he’s doing, and thank god my dick isn’t showing through my shorts like I thought it usually does because he might literally pounce on me then-

Ugh! I didn’t even mention this morning. I literally woke up to him jacking off his morning wood! Do you know what a bitch-fit he would have thrown if I did that! He would’ve filed a police report, probably the dweeb, or. I guess I could too?? But it was just so fucking hot. I tried to pretend I was asleep, but he totally caught me. He literally smirked and made eye contact as he finished too- thank god he didn’t see my boner as he asked if I wanted to clean up his mess. He’s such an ass! 

I still have a boner now actually, it’s his B.O. driving me actually crazy! It’s like I can’t think near him if he’s going to stink this bad god.. Oh, he’s doing pullups on the door frame fuck. He’s supposed to be hairless but I see sweat dripping from his pits god I can't. God with each pull up his chest looks even more powerful. His cock is bobbing up and down in his pants and I can not look away. Fuck it’s getting even bigger. I’m supposed to be the strong one right? It’s not, fuck. This isn’t right. He just so fucking, god that body, I need him-

And Drew:

Heh. I knew that fucking twink couldn’t resist me. Every little thing I do wraps him even tighter around my finger. Every flex and smirk turns him on even more I bet he can’t even think straight the way his little dick is losing it in his briefs- I took all his jocks since I’m sure he would need them anymore. Bet the little bitch didn’t even remember they were his.  

Might as well have been drooling when he saw me jacking my cock this morning lol, surprised he didn’t take me up on the offer to lick up the mess. I know he wanted to lol. He’ll get the chance soon enough though >:) God it’s a two-way street though. That fucking twink is so fuckable now, thank god he doesn’t need to shave anymore, don’t want his peachfuzz scratching my cock cause god that mouth is so fuckable now.. To say nothing of his fucking juicy ass, god! I’ve been working out in the room all morning waiting for him to give in and ask me to fuck him, idk if I can hold it in much longer. I might need to jack it again, my balls are bluer than I ever thought they could be, fuck. It’s like they're sore. Ugh I feel them getting heavier, heh, that little fucker cant resist though. God I feel precum starting to pool in my jock. If I put my pit within a foot of his face I give him five before he can’t help but shove his face in. I need to fuck him, but as if I’m going to let him see how desperate I am. Stevie that little fucker. He’ll be riding my cock any second now.

Sunday March 27th-

Stevie:

Fuck <3 !! He finally fucked me!! God, it was like nothing I’ve experienced before~ His cock was like a beer can and goddd the scratch of his beard as we were making out.. Hehe if I keep thinking about him I might just cum again right now! He can fully toss my body like a ragdoll and I’d thank him ugh! He’s just so hot, and to think he wants to fuck me!! Ah~ I’ll need to keep myself pretty so he won’t get tired of me hehe! Not that it’ll be a problem, I just need to keep on his diet, God who knew it would be this good! I don’t even remember whatever problems we had before all this and I can’t imagine anything better than getting fucked by him <3 Ah! He he~ He’s staring at my ass right now so I guess it’s time for another round! Can’t thank our R.A. enough for this idea, well he he I’ve got an idea for how to thank him, oh! Drew’s ripped off his jock! Wish me luck he he~

Drew:

My little bitch is so tight, fuck. I’m surprised he can even take my cock but god can he ride it. Gonna have a hard time taking a break from fucking him to even hit the gym. Need to make sure the twink keeps up the diet tho or we’ll have an issue. Be sure to make him come to the gym whenever I do, if not to tighten up then to watch me heh. Won’t hate fucking him in the locker room too. Mm, God his fucking tiny body makes me feel so powerful. And I fucking am. God my bis are the size of his thick thighs, fuck his ass. My cock is straining my jock just thinking about it. His tiny waist ugh, I need my sweaty body over him now. Not like he’ll mind, the horny fucker. Mmm hope he’s ready to take my cock, bet his mouth is already watering heh. Pop my pecs at him and he’ll struggle not to cum on the spot, he better keep it together until I let him though. Can’t be having my bitch blow his load that fast. Thank fuck he’s chilled out finally, though I guess my cock’ll work wonders on anyone >:) speaking of it’s about that time again. Hope he’s ready for some more action, hate to have to find another hole.

[bonny-kookoo]

I totally fell in love with Princess ❤️ My heart broke when mc broke down saying she just wants to go home, poor baby must feel so lonely and exhausted 😣

I can already imagine JK being super protective of her. Like say her superior from the company (maybe a manager or something?) is super harsh with her, thinking they're in private, but JK overhears them?

Thank you for writing such wonderful stories, I'm so excited to see how the story unfolds!

I didn't know if it was a drabble request but I'm writing it anyways haha (trigger warning for: food restrictions)

"Since when do you eat those?!" Your manager scolds loudly, and Jungkook can clearly hear the man through the slightly open door. Maybe he forgot that hybrids have heightened hearing- or maybe he thought Jungkook had left the area entirely during his break.

Either way, he doesn't like that tone at all.

"Its just one.." you mumble meekly, which surprised the wolfdog hybrid a lot. Never has he heard you this.. submissive. Like you're trying to pacify the guy.

"One every day, possibly more, we both know you're lying right now!" He yells. "You've gained already, how do you think you'll lose that weight again before the competition?!" He scolds harshly. "All your measurements have to be consistent! We talked about this!" He tells you.

"I'm sorry.." you answer quietly.

"I'm taking those." Jungkook hears a plastic bag rustle. "You're only eating the food staff makes you, am I clear?"

"Yes.." you answer again, noticeably disappointed.

"I'll talk to Jeon, a few more hours of training each day will make that extra weight drop quickly-" He starts before he almost runs straight into the man he's been talking about, who's leaning against the doorframe with a more than dark expression.

"Thats mine." Jungkook nods towards the plastic bag. "I brought it for her to eat."

"She- I.. excuse me but she's on a very strict diet plan." The manager explains a lot more carefully now, voice entirely different. "She has a dietician-"

"Then that dietician will agree with me when I say that she needs a lot more food each day to have enough energy to burn." Jungkook explains, still blocking the doorway, before he holds out his hand, wordlessly.

"Thats not for you to decide." The man denies.

"Then we have no reason to continue working together." Jungkook says, making your eyes widen in the background, panicking. You don't want Jungkook to cut the contract so soon. He said he'll help you, what is he doing?

"...she better work that off until the contest." The man grumbles, pushing the bag into Jungkook's hand before he pushes himself past the wolfdog hybrid, who glares after the man. It's only when you pull on his shirt that he looks down on you, no anger left in his face.

"You didn't have to argue with him." You say. "He's.. always like that. I should've known he'd get angry."

"I don't care." Jungkook denies, walking into the small break room to sit down, slapping the seat next to him. "Now come here and eat. I didn't lie when I said I brought them for you."

"But-" you start, only reluctantly sitting down, though you can't talk more because he's already ripped off a piece of the sweet donut to stuff into your open mouth.

And while you glare at him with stuffed cheeks, he can't help but smile to himself.

You really are all bark and no bite to him.

[mixtape-racha]

enough for you | poly!ot8 (9th member reader)

dating the members of your band was both a blessing and a curse... especially when you had to hide your changes in behaviour from them

words: 3.21k // warnings: established relationship, poly!skz x reader, reader is put on a diet and workout plan, lack of eating, reader takens caffeine pills, overworking, overexercising, reader passes out, the boys get angry (not at reader)

a/n: i am NOT trying to glorify undereating and/or overworking yourself in ANY way, but if you struggle with food-related topics or suffer from an ED please do not read this fic as i don't want to trigger you in any way // based on this request

you bowed your head with a small - and extremely undeserving - smile as you said your goodbyes to the staff and left your meeting. solo meetings with the staff at jype were always worrying, but this time you wished you had forced one of the boys to come with you.

you had a huge year ahead of you; your comeback being one of the most anticipated of the year on twitter, before your japanese comeback, and then further embarking on a tour. really, you and the boys were enjoying all the free time you had before the workload became overbearing - which none of you could deny it was, despite how much you loved your jobs.

but to then be sat down and given a whole new diet and gym plan? on top of everything else, it was…. hurtful. you were always a little self-conscious of your weight - being the only girl in a group with 8 boys, anything you did or changed stuck out like a sore thumb. but as far as you knew, you were fine. your weight had sat steady since the last comeback, and you were always careful with what you ate and how you worked out.

shaking it off as your manager put a comforting hand on your arm and helped you out of the building to your awaiting car, you assumed that something had changed if the company felt they had to step in. you just hoped the boys hadn’t noticed, and if they had they weren’t talking about it behind your back. 

it was a silly thing to worry about, obviously. your boys only ever wanted what was best for you, and you knew that. merely 2 years after your debut, you had all begun understanding each other on a deeper level, and - under chan’s demand - very, very slowly it led to romantic connections establishing between you all. and now here you are, in one of the biggest kpop groups in the world, working and living and thriving with your 8 boyfriends in one harmonious polycule.

during the drive back to the dorm, your manager was kind enough to let you brood in your silence - he understood all too well that you were bombarded with a lot of information to process during the meeting, especially when your small hands started flicking through the folder you were given. a strict meal plan - every meal and snack planned out to the last gram with no room to move. an exact workout guide - how on earth you were going to do this without changbin noticing something was up in the gym, you had no clue. you just prayed that their busy schedules leading up to comeback season were enough for you to keep this from them - the last thing they needed right now was to worry about you too.

when you finally arrived back at the dorm, you were instantly wrapped into a tight hug by a pouting jisung. you giggled softly as he complained about losing mario kart to felix - again - and how he owed jeongin $100 because felix beat seungmin too. he kept mumbling his complaints into your neck as you waddled to the living room, the sight of the maknae line bickering and throwing popcorn at each other being a wholesome and beautiful sight to come home to.

jisung finally released you from his hold, allowing you to squeeze yourself onto the couch between seungmin and jeongin, the latter instantly throwing an arm around your shoulders as seungmin looked over at you, a smile painted on his lips.

“how did the meeting go? we were trying to figure out why they’d call a solo meeting with you, but none of us worked it out.” he asked softly, planting a chaste kiss on your cheek before handing his controller back over to jisung. you weren’t entirely sure how to respond, thinking of an excuse on the spot.

“oh, yeah it went fine. they were just checking what parts of the comeback schedules lined up with my period - after last comeback, they want to try and make that week as easy as possible for me.” you shrugged, knowing the boys wouldn’t ask more questions when it came to that time of the month.

its not like they were disgusted or anything. in fact, they were the most helpful and understanding boyfriends you could ask for. they just never pried, never dug for more information than you seemed comfortable with sharing, and you were grateful for that. especially as you lied. if they asked questions, you were sure you would crumble and tell them the truth. for now, it was just easier to ignore it and join them playing video games.

dinner time that night was your first exceptional challenge. after studying your diet plan in your bedroom, it was suggested that you have a vegetable salad with plain chicken breast and a small portion of sweet potato. it seemed boring and bland, especially with the other meals you were expected to follow. usually, you would follow the boys around the kitchen and see what they were having for dinner - then helping one of them make a larger portion so you could share and eat together. it was so normalized at this point, you’d typically get asked teasingly which member’s meal you’d be planning to hijack that night.

so, of course, when you headed to the kitchen silently and began preparing a completely different meal, a few eyebrows were raised, although thankfully no one asked any questions. they just simply assumed you had a specific craving that night that you wanted to indulge in. truthfully, as much as you wanted to eat your meal in the company of your boyfriends, discussing your days and giggling together, you were deeply embarrassed by the fact the company had put you on your diet plan. so regretfully, you skulked back into your bedroom with your dismal meal and ate in the comfort of your bed with a disney movie playing in the background.

the next morning, you woke yourself up at what felt like the ass-crack of dawn to head down to the company gym. you stuffed everything you’d need for the day into a backpack, silently leaving the door and enjoying the quiet of the early morning during your walk to the company building. the lack of noise and movement in the world was nice, feeling like it had washed away all of your worries almost instantly. every time you saw a stray cat, or a funny street sign, you’d snap a picture to send to your group chat with the boys.

you allowed yourself to send a couple of animal pictures to the chat, assuming the boys would be asleep, and when they woke, wouldn’t notice or question the times that you had sent the pictures. of course, that was a misjudgement on your part, because when the hell did chan ever sleep? as you approached the gym doors, your phone dinged and your heart squeezed at his message.

lying to your boyfriends in any way made you feel sick to your stomach, but deep down you just didn’t want them worrying about you. luckily, your workout went relatively easily - you were quite active and partook in gym activity frequently so it was simply like a higher intensity session for you.

after you had showered and left the gym, you headed down to the company cafeteria for breakfast. your meal plan stated that your breakfast for the day should be a small portion of mandu dumplings and a pineapple and kale smoothie. you savored the food as much as you could with each bite, knowing you wouldn’t be able to get a chance to eat again until the later evening. your schedule was packed, practices upon practices before your evening workout, and as much as you loved your job, you knew wholeheartedly how much the company liked to overwork you leading up to comeback season.

practice seemed to drag that day, your vocal teacher questioning if you were feeling unwell because your energy just seemed completely off during your session together. you shrugged her off, insisting you were just tired, but in reality you were overthinking every single moment of the day. between the lack of food, and ache from overworking yourself in the gym that morning, you just felt exhausted - both physically and mentally.

after you finished all your scheduled plans for the day, you decided to head to the company cafeteria for dinner - it was easier than going home and then heading back out to the gym, in all honesty. you tried your hardest not to finish your allocated meal, thinking if you left food on your plate that you’d feel more accomplished. however, as soon as you got to the gym and began your evening workout, you knew leaving food was a bad idea. nonetheless, you pushed through the achy joints and growling stomach, even beating your current personal best on the stairmaster before you ended your session.

the stress of needing to be a certain weight before your next solo meeting before the comeback had you stressed and pushing yourself harder than you should, so you opted to walk back to the dorms that night rather than calling a car. the next few days were similar - the ache, and fatigue, and sick feeling in the pit of your stomach as you forced yourself into work. staying at the company later, working out at any free time you had, sleeping as soon as you got home without even acknowledging the boys you shared a dorm with. they had slowly started noticing, of course, but it wasn’t until exactly a week after your meeting that things all came to a head.

you had finally noticed in the mirror that morning that you had lost weight - your clothes weren’t fitting how they usually did, and you weren’t even hungry most of the day. the gym had become your best friend, and working out had become so much easier. sure, the fatigue and lightheadedness was slightly concerning, but in your opinion it was worth it to keep your job.

that day, you were scheduled to have a whole-group dance practice in the evening before you all headed home, which the boys were excited for because it meant they could travel home with you for the first time in a week straight. you, on the other hand, were slightly annoyed you couldn’t just sneak off to the gym or make an excuse to stay at the company longer. that day you’d opted to skip breakfast - the idea of eating before a day of work making you nauseous - and instead had chugged an energy drink and some caffeine pills along with your morning vitamins. work was boring, and all day you were itching to just up and head to the gym, or just go on a long walk, but you couldn’t. you were stuck between rooms in the company, and it was honestly stressing you out.

by the time it got to the evening, and you and the boys all met up for dance practice, you were instantly scooped into a hug by hyunjin, giggling as his hair tickled your skin.

“finally! missed you so much, pretty girl. feels like i haven’t seen you for more than 30 seconds lately.” he mumbled against the skin of your neck, the sensation making you shiver.

“don’t be silly, hyun,” you grinned as you pulled away to help him tie his hair into a ponytail. “i’m right here now, not going anywhere.”

practice started pretty quickly after that, considering jisung was running late after vocal lessons, and you quickly realized that not eating that day may not have been your best idea. the haste of your movements had your head spinning more than usual, and you felt like you were tripping over your own feet every two seconds. you couldn’t sworn you were moving in slow motion with everything around you sped up, and no matter how much you tried to shake the feelings off, it wouldn’t leave.

you stepped forward through a wave of your boyfriends, fighting to keep your eyes ahead and complete your center dance for the bridge in the song, but it was to no avail. your heart thudded and you internally cried as you felt your body collapse to the ground, black dots circling your vision and your ears ringing loudly.

the thud your body hit the ground with was sickening to the boys who looked on, minho rushing over to try and catch you since he was the closest. they were fast to carry you to the couch in the corner on the practice room, seungmin practically sprinting out of the room to get you cold water and ice from the cooler in the hallway. of course, they knew you had been acting strange, but they never realized it was something so big or detrimental to your health - both physical and mental.

“she feels lighter… god, how did we not notice she’s lost so much weight?” felix practically wailed, his eyes brimming with tears at the sight of you sickly pale and unconscious in his arms.

“when was the last time someone saw her eat?” changbin quizzed, his frown only growing as jeongin piped up.

“forget that for now, when was the last time she had a drink?”

seungmin had reentered the room by that point, a cup of ice and a separate cup of water in each hand. felix had his hands in your hair, fingers tangled between the locks as he stroked your head soothingly. chan had crouched in front of you, cupping your cheek and softly rubbing the skin with his thumb in an effort to gently wake you up.

when consciousness did finally grace you again, you groaned. your head was pounding and you felt gross, and sticky. you tried to sit up, surprised when felix pulled you back down to lean on him from behind you. it was only then that you looked around and took in the worried faces of your boyfriends and bandmates, instantly flushing red in shame that you disrupted practice.

“i’m so sorry–” was all that managed to escape your lips before seungmin held out the cup of water in front of you, swiftly cutting you off.

“drink. we’ve got ice, too, and jisung has a protein bar in his bag that you’re eating, okay?”

you blanched at his words, sipping the water while carefully trying to decide your next words.

“i appreciate it, but i’m fine. i don’t need to wait, i just need some water and i’ll be fine.”

yeah, that sounded good in your head. not too many details, but enough for them to hopefully drop it - at least, you hoped. but unfortunately, the universe didn’t want to work in your favor that day, as you eyes fell on chan and his worried - but stern - face.

“(y/n)...” he started, and your heart dropped at how exhausted and scared he sounded. “what’s going on? when’s the last time you ate? and don’t lie to me, please.”

you sighed, looking around the room and accepting that the game was up. you just hoped they would understand, and they wouldn’t be mad at you. it was bad enough that disrupted practice, you couldn’t handle your boys being disappointed with you too.

“i…” even just looking around the room at the scared faces of your boyfriends, all ideas of lying slipped away from you. “yesterday lunch time. i had a chicken salad…”

you looked at the floor, too scared to face their disappointed stares as you felt felix’s hand shift from your hair to your shoulder. tears were welling under your eyelids no matter how hard you tried to blink them away, and you knew you couldn’t keep it a secret anymore.

“love,” changbin asked softly for his position on the floor next to chan. “is this why you’ve been going to the gym so much? why are you doing this to yourself?”

you shook your head unable to reply, as you felt chan’s hand on your knee.

“we’re just worried, pretty girl. ther’s no need for you to be doing this to yourself, you know that, right?”

you couldn’t help the way you groaned loudly, all your recent frustration pouring out in that moment. it was like a dam had broken, and you couldn’t stop yourself.

“it’s not me! i don’t want this. it hurts and it sucks. it’s– it’s not me.”

“can you elaborate, angel?” felix asked softly, his breath tickling your ear from his proximity to you.

“it’s…” you sighed, knowing that if you didn’t tell them now, then you never would. “it’s the company. that meeting, last week i– they gave me a diet plan. told me i needed to lose weight before the comeback. i just didn’t want to let anyone down…”

your voice slowly trailed off as you gained the confidence to look up, meeting the distraught expressions of your boyfriends. shock, disgust… anger…. you weren’t sure what scared you more in that moment. really, you tuned out everything that was going on around you, sipping your water in hopes of combatting the thudding in your head.

it was only when jeongin crouched in front of you with his signature smile plastered on his lips that you came back to reality. he hed out his hands to you, helping you stand, as everyone packed their belongings up.

“we’re gonna head home, okay? order in some food and have a movie night, if you want that?”

your eyes leaked again at their concern, the group of you leaving the practice room and headed down to the company lobby. “i’d love that, innie… but where are chan and minho going? aren’t they coming home with us?”

he shook his head as the rest of the members, along with yourself, headed out to the cars waiting for you outside the building.

“they’ll be right home - they’re just going to talk to the staff… make some ‘arrangements’, as channie-hyung worded it.”

you were too tired and mentally exhausted to ask any further questions, allowing the boys to bundle you into the car without a fight. when you finally got back to the dorm, felix and jeongin helped you shower, before you met changbin in the bedroom to help you get dried and dressed for bed.

by the time you got back into the living room, chan and minho had arrived home, but they wouldn’t answer any of your questions - opting to give you the television remote instead as they placed bags of takeout food onto the coffee table.

and thats how you spent the night; curled up on the couch with your favourite boys, enjoying takeout and watching movies. it was perfect, and you couldn’t believe you allowed the words of staff members to take this feeling away from you.

--------------------------------------

oh, and you later found out chan and minho had gone into a meeting room all guns blazing, threatening to sue if the company risked your health the way they did ever again. you were never put on another diet plan after that, and used your experience to speak out about the mistreatment of idols due to unobtainable beauty standards. life was good.

taglist: join taglists here @pretty-racha @chubbyanarkiss @taeriffic @mits-vi @chanssmiles @5kayzee @torixx80 @fawnpeaks @bangtanmix73 @savluvsmingi @boi-bi-ahaha @4evrglow @skz-streamer @crybabyychu @demetrisscarf

[wettvagina]

GYM INSTRUCTOR REINER

GYMINSTRUCTOR!REINER who tries his hardest to not stare at your ass when you're doing squats on your yoga mat, gripping tightly onto the pair of weights in his grasp as his biceps flex as he curls his arm.

GYMINSTRUCTOR!REINER who peers over his shoulder only to see you practically drooling at him, his head turns as he tries to play it off coolly, smirking to himself as he tenses his muscles, a new line of a sweat stain forming on his sleeveless, thin-fabric shirt.

GYMINSTRUCTOR!REINER who's face turned pink when you informed him you needed some help with a new fitness routine. you had recently switched from volleyball to track and you needed a workout routine which better suited your new sport

GYMINSTRUCTOR!REINER who immediately rushed to his condo to begin your workout program, putting in extra attention and detail to your plan.

GYMINSTRUCTOR!REINER who calmly asked for your number to send you the workout plan, face flushed as you typed your number into his phone, he watched down at your small figure which unsurprisingly loomed below him.

GYMINSTRUCTOR!REINER who was persistent when texting you after sending you your workout plan, asking if you needed extra advice when adapting to it, any extra help in the gym itself or anything at all, gym-related or not.

GYMINSTRUCTOR!REINER who's face immediately turned red when you said you needed some help on the treadmill, gripping onto his phone as he eagerly awaited your next gym interaction.

GYMINSTRUCTOR!REINER who entered the gym the following day with the thinnest top he could find, the slimness of the fabric caused every muscle on his body to be outlined, his face emotionless as he walked past girls on various gym equipment gawking at him, even stopping their session to take a full look at his godly physique.

GYMINSTRUCTOR!REINER who smirked when you were no exception, shamelessly in awe as he approached you, sitting on a bench inside of the gym.

GYMINSTRUCTOR!REINER who showed you how the treadmill worked, explaining every miniscule button on the machine. guiding his hands onto your lower back as you steadily walked on the treadmill.

"Thanks so much for the help." you yawped, "They better be paying you good." you mentioned while standing next to Reiner outside of the closed elevator. Reiner let out a giggle while rubbing the nape of his neck, you watched his large pecs in front of you, and the way his biceps flexed as he moved his arm. ''You have any tips for dieting?'' you question, "Hm, tryna' lose weight or gain muscle?" Reiner questioned with a raised brow, "Hm, 'm not sure." you shrugged, "Your body looks like it's in top shape." he comments, immediately regretting even saying anything referencing your body as he didn't know how you would take it. "Ha! Says you." you giggle, "If it's anyone that's in top shape, it's you, big guy." you mention, hearing the 'ping' of the elevator as the doors slid open, both you and Reiner entered the enclosed space, clicking your designated floors on the panel. "Well, if you need help with just a balanced diet I can lend you a book." Reiner suggested, earning a nod from you, "Sure." you agreed, "I can give you it today, if I find it in my apartment." he says as the elevator ascends. "Perfect." you comment, walking out with him when the elevator stall opens to his floor. Reaching the door of his condo, he opens it using the keycard in his pocket, "Come in." he welcomes you as you both step in, hearing the door close behind you. "I think I left it in my cabinet, follow me." he says, you look around at the interior of his home, brows raised at how neat and contemporary it was decorated. You walked to his kitchen which was nearby, watching as he pulled out the book from his top cabinet. He placed the book in your hands, "Page 45 is my favorite." he informs, your hand moves to squeeze at his forearm, "Thank you." you mutter, "It's no problem." he says, you flip through some pages as he walks you out of his home, "So you can cook all of these." you ask, "Yeah, the instructions are all there." he shrugs, "Hm, you're wife must be lucky." you chirped, earning a slightly shocked face from Reiner before his lips tugged upwards into a smirk, "Nah, it's just me in this big house." he giggles, "Really?" your eyes immediately light up, you fight the smirk which was appearing on your face, hand gripping onto the book he gave you, "Well, invite me sometime, I'm lonely too." you quipped, earning a light giggle from Reiner as he blushed, "Ah- sure. You're welcomed here anytime." he says hurriedly, "Well, I'll take advantage of that." you say with a small smile, eyes lingering on his lips. He wasn't slow in noticing the way your gaze darted between his eyes and lips, almost involuntarily leaning into your figure, you tip-toed and delivered a small peck to the side of his lips, "I better get going." you mention, leaving him flustered, not another word dared to come out of his mouth as his face flushed into a bright red. "See ya'." you chimed, letting yourself out of his apartment as he simply stood there, his heavy, muscular body burning up as he looked at the closed door you just used to exit, already missing your presence.

[fleurywiththesave]

Accidental baby acquisition with mattdrai?

I took some creative liberties with this one because, well, I can. It's Rosh Hashanah, so have a little sweetness.

It’s supposed to be a vacation. They both have a few days off around Thanksgiving, enough time to meet in St. Louis, spend the holiday with Matthew’s family, and eat their weight in turkey and non-diet-plan-approved side dishes. Matthew’s been dreaming about it since the season started.

The dream comes crashing down when they walk through his parents’ front door (only a little later than their anticipated arrival time, since Leon set a timer for fifteen minutes before he would let Matthew attack him in the car and insisted they stop making out when it went off) and Brady immediately hands them a baby.

“Can you watch him? Please? Just for an hour or two?” He’s looking a little wild around the eyes. “Emma’s cooking at our place and Mom and Dad are running errands and Taryn’s not home yet and he didn’t sleep at all last night and if I don’t go run very fast for a long time then I might start crying. Please. Remember that you owe me for not telling anyone about the time I caught you guys—”

“We’ve got it,” Leon interrupts, taking Ryder from him. “Go for a run. Or take a nap.”

“Thank you,” Brady says with a sigh of relief, bending over to kiss Ryder’s forehead. “I love you, buddy, but Dad’s trying not to lose his mind. Go easy on your uncles, ‘kay?”

As soon as the door closes behind him, Matthew turns to Leon.

“So. Do you know how to take care of a two month old baby?”

“Um.”

That, of course, is when Ryder chooses to start crying. A lot. And very loudly.

“Shit, what’s wrong?” Matthew asks. If he sounds slightly frantic, he doesn’t think he can be blamed for it. He loves his nephew more than just about anyone, but that doesn’t mean his birth automatically made Matthew a baby expert.

“I think he needs to be changed,” Leon says, wrinkling his nose. “Is there a diaper bag?”

“Probably would’ve been good information to get from his attentive father,” Matthew mutters, but they find the bag in the living room fairly quickly, and Matthew ends up watching in undisguised amazement while Leon efficiently changes Ryder.

“When the hell did you learn how to do that?” he demands.

“When Carlos was a baby,” Leon explains.

“Babe, I know you’re holding a dirty diaper, but I’m not gonna lie, I’m kind of turned on right now.” Maybe more than kind of, if he's being completely honest.

“Well, bottle it up,” Leon says. “We’re not doing anything around a poor innocent baby.”

“Fine,” Matthew sighs. “But I hope you brought a turtleneck for tomorrow, because I’m absolutely going to maul you tonight.”

They make it a whole twenty minutes before Ryder starts crying again. He’s not wet or smelly, and he refuses the bottle they offer him. Matthew tries to hand him off to Leon, but he shakes his head.

“You’ve got this.”

“I do not,” Matthew hisses, but Leon refuses to save him, so he starts sifting through every memory of watching a teammate take care of a child. “C’mere, buddy,” he murmurs, positioning Ryder so his head is resting on Matthew’s shoulder and he can rub his back. “Don’t you want me to be able to brag to your parents about what a good job Uncle Leon and I did?” He keeps talking softly to him, making all sorts of extravagant promises that he’s definitely going to be too much of a pushover not to uphold when Ryder is older, until the tears have been replaced with a quiet snuffling sound.

“Oh,” he says, carefully lifting the baby off his shoulder. “I did it. He’s asleep.”

Leon is watching them with soft eyes and a small smile.

“Okay, now I get what you mean about being kind of turned on,” he says quietly.

“You made me bottle it up,” Matthew reminds him, but Leon shrugs.

“Do as I say, not as I do,” he says, leaning in to steal a kiss. “Besides, this is good practice.”

He looks a little nervous right after he says it, like Matthew hasn’t fantasized a million and one times about what their kids will look like and how early they’ll be able to get them on the ice.

“It is,” he agrees, and Leon’s smile grows. Ryder will probably start crying again soon, but in the meantime, Matthew is going to let himself bask in a peaceful moment of domestic bliss.

(And later tonight, he’s going to fulfill his promise to maul Leon. Because he can have it all.)

[forcedtogrow]

Addressing Pre-T, Pre-transition Anons

I’m getting quite a few asks from pre-T guys about how much you can change your body pre-T, what exercises to do, how to fix body fat redistribution etc. and it has gotten to be a little too much so im making a blanket post regarding this topic. This post is MY VIEWS AND LIMITS. I am not trying to bully anyone, this is a kink blog for fun and I am not a teacher/doctor/counselor/therapist or parent. I am a fun big brother lmao.

1. There’s only so much you can change your body pre-T, and it’s totally dependent on your genetics and dedication to lifting/gaining muscle. Some guys are lucky and can easily pass without T by just working out, I wasn’t one of them but I’ve seen a handful of guys that did that before T. Even then, some of those guys needed T to get rid of an hourglass/pear shape.

2. You can’t spot lose body fat in hips/thighs/ass. You’d need to lose body fat everywhere, but pre-T your body is most likely to hold onto lower body fat because biology wants those fat reserves to make babies. It’s gross and dysphoria inducing but it’s true.

3. It’s worth it to work out pre-T, especially lifting, to create a solid base to work from. If you already have that you’ll grow so fast on T it’ll feel like magic. I won’t lie that it’s frustrating and awful, because I’ve been there and it feels like spinning the pedals on a bike without moving, but it does pay off.

4. Stay balanced with your diet and don’t force yourself into a crazy calorie deficit. It might not be the time to bulk if you feel like your body is reserving most energy as fat (could be your genetics or activity level), but maintaining a baseline that’s Not underweight is a good start.

5. I’m not in a place to tell you to bulk or cut, especially if I don’t know your height/weight/age/activity level. I am not a doctor or dietician and can only say what works for me and people I know.

6. Don’t just focus on one part of the body, do a full push/pull/legs routine at the very least. Like this: https://www.aston.ac.uk/sport/news/tips/fitness-exercise/push-pull-legs or this for a 6 day split: https://www.muscleandstrength.com/workouts/6-day-powerbuilding-split-meal-plan

You need to build full body strength, and more leg muscle can actually masculinize your body and make your hips more boxy.

7. If you can’t transition medically/socially for whatever reason your main focus should be getting out of that situation. This is going to sound harsh but I know many trans people who risked a lot, some trans femme friends that literally risked their lives, and you have to decide what’s important to you. I’m being real because you will only regret waiting—there is no replacement for transition, there is no joy like transition, there is no pain great enough to negate the many many benefits of transition.

I don’t want to get messages like “what if it’s illegal where I live!” That’s not what I’m talking about. It’s sucks, but you either transition or you don’t, and if you don’t that’s up to you, but I cannot assist with that decision. I gave up a lot to transition and waited several years to start hrt for reasons too personal to disclose. I ruined relationships with family among other things, so please do NOT ask me for advice on this because I will not be coddling/sweet. Being a man is hard and messy and a sacrifice.

8. I will tell you what I eat and give general advice of bulking/eating but I will not make a meal plan for you. Every body has different needs that only you and a dietitian can work through, I’m not a licensed professional and don’t want anyone to take what I eat as the only way to eat.

9. If you cannot transition because you are a minor stay off my blog. Sorry!!

[studyblri]

🐈‍⬛️༉‧˚｡🎓𖤐₊˖°. a lil update ₊ෆ🍙⋆🫧‹𝟹🎧⋆˚✧˖

⊹ I'm done with my last internship!! which means im no longer a student, but now unemployed :DD

⊹ I went to a wedding for the first time in about 7 or 8 years, i think. it was lively! (I took the middle-left picture there.)

⊹ I (unintentionally) lost weight. Around 7-8 kilos since may. i mean, i needed to lose weight and I still do, but the fact that it happened without dieting makes me happy :)

⊹ I’m visiting Germany in September!! I’m sooo excited because the only time i’ve been abroad was for just 4 days, but this time i’ll be there for almost a month!! i’m trying to stay calm, but i’m seriously so excited!!!

⊹ I need a series to binge!! i officially don’t have school starting tomorrow!! it’s impossible to believe lol. i need some dramas to watch… please suggest some ;)) (i also love true crime docuseries!)

⊹ i still have some things to do, though—like graduation and internship paperwork. It’s just paperwork, but the deadlines are important, and there’s a lot of it. So, I still need to focus and get things done. (boo hoo)

⊹ College is over, but I still need to study for language proficiency and master's exams in November. I'll be updating this blog more frequently from now on!!

⊹ I'm starting therapy this month, and this time I'm determined to go through with it. i know it's a bit ironic, being a psychology grad and being scared of therapy :) But i never knew where to start or how to openly face the challenges. Sharing everything with a stranger also feels uneasy :) I still don't feel fully ready for it, but I've decided to cross that bridge when I come to it. I just need to take that first step,,

TL;DR

I’ve closed a chapter in my life now, and I’m already excited for the next phase—my master’s journey. For this summer, I had so many plans, but I couldn’t find the time for most of them :( Now, I’ll focus on relaxing while also staying productive over the next two months. I don’t want to push myself too hard, though, because I haven’t had a vacation longer than one month since 2020!

╰┈➤‎ ‧ ₊ ˚ ✧ [ ♡٭* 🎧💿༘ ⋆๋࣭ ] ✧ ˚ ₊ ‧

For the past two weeks, I’ve been listening to just this album. Thanks to Google’s algorithm, the moment I started listening, my YouTube recommendations were flooded with analysis videos about Tyler, the Creator and IGOR :) He’s truly an amazing artist, and although I don’t have enough knowledge to praise him thoroughly, I can definitely appreciate how impressive this masterpiece is. You’ve probably heard it before, but I hope you’ll click and listen to it from start to finish again when you see this post!

bye!

[selfaware-bungou-stray-dogs]

hi idk if you’re open to requests or if you have already done it, but can you do the bsd with a reader that is struggling with e.d and all the to throw up and that stuff? i’ve been struggling lately and i’m trying to get better

sorry if i wrote this wrong, english isn’t my first language

Strong and brave

Self-Aware! BSD Cast x GN! Reader

Description: Some side comments made you feel disgusted of yourself

Warning: English is my second language. Eating disorder. Throwing up. Destructive negative thoughts. Reader have extremely negative view about themselves. Reader think, that they are weak (That's not true!). Supportive BSD Cast.

_____

No matter, what we say, all people seek validation amd acseptance.

You could say, that you don't care, what people think about your body. But, the side whispered comments about you and your weight from your family and co-workers were slowly getting to you.

You remember, how once, when BSD Cast were discussing a problem with teachers in BSD kids' school, Goncharov scoffed, when it came to light, that some teachers called students with bad grades 'idiots'.

"The audacity... Aren't they realizing, that they are only make problem worse?! Call a person a pig for one hundred times, and they will start oinking."¹

At first, you didn't think too much about that proverb. But, after hearing, how people around you call you fat behind your back, you believed in their words.

It started with a diet. A simple diet and exercise.

But comments didn't stop.

You tried another stricter diet, but Yosano quickly put that idea down. She said, that you don't need to lose more weight. She said, that you have a normal weight for your height and age.

As much as you want to believe her, you couldn't. A little voice in your head whispered, that she is lying and probably won't say the truth. Because you were their Guiding Light. They will say anything to make you happy.

You stop with a diet.

You decided to try skipping meals.

On a third day of your volunteering starvation, Yosano sat you down and firmly, but kindly, reassured you, that it's unhealthy. And that you are healthy, that you aren't fat.

She offered to help. She offered her support.

You said, that you understand.

You promised, that you won't starve yourself.

On the outside, you keep your word.

You ate as much as you can during breakfast, lunch and dinner. Sometimes, you had raids on your mini-fridge you have in your room.

And after every meal, you spend ten minutes throwing it up.

_______

You don't notice, when you start spending less time with BSD Cast.

Not because of constant dizziness you felt.

Because you can't think about you... And an ugly you being near them.

You loved them. And you hopped, that, if they won't see you until you lose enough weight, they will finally see, how ugly you are.

Your legs squished together, when you walk...

Your skin jiggled around when you moved...

Your stomach was one big paunch...

You were so tired of being ugly...

Of being gross...

You block the door, so you won't be interrupted.

You leaned over the toilet, reaching as far back into your throat as possible....

Your stomach churned and stung, but you kept going...

And going...

And going...

The world around you became black.

And with a loud crash, the door was kicked open.

_________

The last few weeks were intense.

But, you finally were back home.

With an eating disorder diagnose and a plan for meals, pills and psychological help.

You knew about earring disorders before. You heard about people succumbing to dark thoughts, destroying their health in a process. You heard about the long process of recovery.

You always thought, that you will never get an eating disorder. That you could stop before the diet get too far.

You were wrong.

You just wanted to be healthy and good-looking.

_________

You were laying on your bed, mindlessly scrolling through the articles about eating disorders.

About the damage. About the destruction.

After two hours of reading articles, you barely paid attention to the articles themselves. You were mostly focused on the comments.

Comments about mortality rate.

Comments about the sheer stupidity of people with eating disorders.

Of how weak people with eating disorder are.

A knock on the door interrupted you. You let out a weak

"Come in."

The moment after, Yosano walked into your room.

You felt guilty. You broke her trust.

"Came to say how stupid and weak I am?" you couldn't look at Yosano. Not after everything, that happened. Doctor tilted her head. Something dangerous flashed in magenta eyes.

"I wasn't thinking about it. But, please, tell me, has anyone already done it?"

You shook your head, still hiding your gaze. You clenched the phone in your hands.

"Not, for now, but soon they will. Because, it's true. I was stupid and weak." you spoke, and the little voice in your head was talking with you in unison.

Yosano was silent for a moment.

"[Y/N], were you looking up eating disorders on the Internet?"

You didn't answer, instead preferring to look into the phone screen. At the statistics.

Soft sounds of steps, muffled by the carpet.

A family pair of shoes came into your line of vision. Hand, that was put on your shoulder. And a voice. Soft, but firm.

"[Y/N], can I, please, take your phone?"

You let her take it. For a few moments, Yosano was scrolling through the articles and posts you have been looking for the last two hours. Finally, she looked at you again.

"[Y/N], you have taken quite a dive into the problem. It's a good thing, I won't argue. But, I am sorry, but I will have to stop it."

You turned your head towards her so fast, you became dizzy for a second.

"What? Why?! I want to become better!"

Yosano's voice was still firm.

"Yes, I know. And you will be better. But, [Y/N], you were looking at wrong information. You should look at how to become better. Not what damage eating disorder did to your health. And not about mortality rate. You should search for a support group and not browsing comments from trolls, who think that eating disorders are a joke material."

Your hands started to tremble.

"But my health..."

Yosano cupped your face. Her eyes were so warm, you wanted to cry.

"Yes, I know. But you want to help yourself if you will start stressing out. You must focus on recovery, not letting idiots from the Internet drag you down or make you give up. You can ask me, Doc or Mori questions, you can call the doctor from the hospital, you can look into books we have. But, please, don't try to drown in all this negativity."

For a moment, you both were silent. Then you repeated the words you said that night.

"I want to get better. Please, help me."

Yosano's eyes met yours.

"[Y/N], just for that words alone, you became the bravest and strongest person I have ever known."

______

Recovery was hard.

Some days everything went normal. You would eat, take your pills, speak about your troubles with a therapist or someone from BSD Cast.

You are doing great. We believe in you. Take as much time as you need. We will be here.

Other days, you would snap at others and yourself. And then refuse to eat. Thinking, that you don't deserve it. And others would always be near, reassuring you, that you are strong. That you are a good person. That you will be fine.

You are allowed to be angry. We don't know what you have been through. But you aren't a bad person. You are still our favorite person.

When, after weeks of controlled diet you confess, that, sometimes, you start feeling hunger between meals, you get hugs, and a soft explanation, that it was a small, but still a sign of recovery. Soon, small, light snacks were added to a three meal plan.

The road to recovery was walked in small steps. But, you weren't alone on the road.

_______

"We love you, our brave and strong [Y/N]"

_____

¹It is a real Russian proverb. It means, if you constantly put down someone, soon they would believe that they are a failure.

[pleaseeeimjustagirl]

♡Dear Diary♡

Heyyy girliesss I hope this past week was amazing for you and you accomplished alot of things<3333

♡Education♡

I start the summer semester this week and I am excited to get those credits so I can graduate right on time. The class definitely seems boring it is accounting but I decided to take what o feel is best for me. It is only three weeks so I’ll be able to push through thankfully<333

♡Mental♡

I took time this past week to push myself to get into a summer routine. I was kind of confused after the semester ended about how to get my life reorganized and fill my time with fun things and I figured it out. I have organized my week and schedule for the summer and I have 2 weeks’ worth of meet-ups and outings planned I’m super exciteddd<333

♡Physical♡

This week I noticed myself falling into bad habits that I used to do regarding food and diet and I had to call myself out and push myself to not fall back into restrictive eating and wanting to drop weight fast. I want to enjoy losing weight being able to eat what I want and doing enjoyable forms of exercise. I had to redirect my focus and I’m proud of myself for that. I restarted the pilates x weights challenge I was doing. I realized this week that I might not be into weightlifting as much as I thought I was and I didn’t want to force myself to continue to do it. But I realized I enjoyed weighted pilates I’m happy that I’m learning myself and bettering my relationship with food and movement. I will be dropping a blog post on how to improve your relationship with food and movement<3333

♡Hobbies♡

I started weighted pilates again this week and I am so happy I feel so great and happy. Exercise helps make us feel more confident and improves mental health not just physical health. I plan on going to a perfume-making class this week and I am so excitedddd. This summer I told myself I wanted to spend alone time with myself once a week on a solo date in the city. Forcing myself to go out alone is important so I can learn more about myself and the things I like. So im exciteddd and can’t wait to let you girlies know how these solo dates go<3333

Have an amazing week my lovessss and continue to affirm yourself, push yourself, and enjoy yourself you are right where you need to be in life right now and you should enjoy every bit of It love youuu girliesss<33333

[mister-eames]

how do you think arthur and eames would take in other slowly growing old.. I don’t see either of them as characters being insecure about themselves but how the other person would see it is kinda a mystery and exciting.. so how do you think it would go? hugs xx

Oh my goodness I love this question. I agree on them not being overly insecure in themselves - not much, or too seriously, at least. They may lament a thing here or there but nothing that would take up too much mental space.

I know it sounds a bit cliche, but overall I think they'd fall more in love with each other, tbh. Growing older is a sign of survival against an often unkind world. Of experience. It's the sexiest fucking thing in the world to see your SO earn those signs of age alongside you, to say you made it, you keep making it, despite everything life has thrown at you, you are strong enough to survive.

Though, at first, I can see Arthur having a sort of existential crisis about it.

Not because he finds Eames any less attractive. On the contrary, he loves Eames extra padding, the changes in him; the very real markers that signify that they both have survived and they are experiencing this very real privilege to get older and to do it together; that they get to share a life, full of good and bad memories - to trust someone with who you were, who you are, and who you are going to be.

But in that same regard, I can see it finally hitting Arthur in a very real way (kind of the way it hits all of us); oh... our time here is actually limited... isn't it.

Perhaps it's when they're no longer in dreamshare, risking their lives, but it occurs to Arthur in a strange, sudden sense that some day the world will go on without them. That they are in fact, mortal, despite cheating death so often in their dreams and in real life too.

Arthur might be having this crisis at 35 or 45 (probably has it every ten years after his mid-thirties tbh) and he has literal decades ahead of him, but their own own mortality really hits him. He knew, intellectually, and with Mal and Dom, and with others in his life, that nothing is guaranteed. It's just... he feels like he has earned this life with Eames, after all they've been through together and personally, and it's not even that they're geriatric or "old" by any means, but the signs are there - they are not getting younger. They are visibly growing older. There's the greys, and the aches, and the weight gain here, the fat loss there.

The fact is plain and simple with life: there is no turning this car around.

Time is a real thing. One day it starts tick-tick-ticking away very loudly in Arthur's brain, like a bomb about to go off, setting off the same kind of panic in Arthur that says do something about it -- but there is nothing to be done about it. That's the worst part. It's just life, and not even Arthur, point man extraordinaire can mitigate it or stop it.

So Eames unearths the source of Arthur's panic after Arthur takes up three new languages, asks Eames for the fiftieth time if he's sure he won't regret not having kids, dyes his hair to get rid of the greys, takes up trumpet lessons and books them a cruise or seven - and then Eames is utterly bewildered by Arthur's heightened state of existential panic because he's not even fucking old, they've never been better or happier.

At first, Eames is like, "Calm down, dear. Complain to me when we have liver spots and we're both using walkers to get around. Old is just a state of mind."

Arthur, in the midst of frantically planning a new diet for them both sans-alcohol, is not amused.

So Eames asks him, "What are you so afraid of?"

"I don't know... losing time, I guess." Arthur replies. "Or... not making the most of it."

To which Eames asks plainly, fondly, "Aside from spending your days panicking, what are you gonna do about that? What do you need to do, at the end of it all, on your final day, to look back and say 'I regret nothing'?"

"I..."

"Ask yourself: what does your life without regrets look like?"

Arthur thinks, and after a long pause says:

"I... need us to live... exactly as we are now."

"That's good."

"Maybe tell you I love you more."

"And I will do the same."

Arthur takes the deepest breath he's had in days.

Then Eames adds, "By the by, I hear that not being on your husbands back about folding laundry is the key to a long, happy life."

"Nice try," Arthur rolls his eyes, taking his beloveds face in his hand and kissing that cheeky smile. "Speaking of which. I hear helping your husband fold the laundry does wonders for longevity."

--

The press of his lips against Eames and the quiet laughter between them in that moment, is one he never forgets.

--

Later, once all the laundry is folded and they're enjoying a glass of wine, Eames will Arthur that he is wrong. They are not losing time - that every day is more time they gain together.

Arthur will concede that Eames is right, sometimes.

--

As for Eames, well. He has all the pride, heart growing with love, etc etc, but you best believe he has several canvases and sketches and papers with a timeline of every iteration of Arthur, a visual chronicle of a beautiful man, drawn by Eames, over time, in varying mediums.

Not to say Eames has never felt strange about growing older, or Arthur growing older. But he's very much at peace with it, and earned the ability to be at peace with life - and himself. He's not afraid, not when there is so much to look forward to, and so much to learn.

And so many more versions of Arthur to appreciate and adore; on paper, and in person.

--

They both take the other ageing as something wonderful, something to be cherished. We only get one chance to get old, after all, but we get near endless chances to grow older. They don't get it right every day -- that is to say that sometimes life is an alarm clock that you get up and get on with on first ring, and sometimes in life you just press snooze and both is okay -- but they get it right often enough that they can call theirs 'a life, lived'.

So, yeah, they fall deeper and deeper in love with all the signs of age on each other -- it's all the time they've had, and all the incredible time they still have to gain.

[justwater4meeeeeeee]

Hi hi water! Hope your doing okay <3

I was wondering if you had some general advice because I feel like my weight loss is slowly down and it's become pretty demotivating.

I've been eating under 500cals, drinking over 2L of water, 11k steps per day, try to do a minimum of 20 minutes exercise (cardio, pilates, dance, bodyweight). I typically do IF of 16:8 and occasionally do 24hr+ fasts but I just feel like nothing is really working well.

What would you suggest? I've just been staying consistent with everything but still, wondered if you have any tips to either boost the weight loss or keep myself motivated. 💗

Hiii Raine!! <3

Okay you are doing amazing! That’s really good, to change it up a little bit and trick your body we can try cutting carbs, cutting added sugar and more lean protein and veggies.

Try doing OMAD if possible (That will DEFINITELY get you to lose more weight)

Remember, everything is better than gaining. Change your diet and keep eating stuff that is easy to digest. Probably even try a liquid fast. So do monday(omad), Tuesday omad, Wednesday eating through the day, Thursday liquid fasting, Friday liquid fasting, Saturday and Sunday eating throughout the day; and repeat.

Try that and let me know how it goes, if not I have other plans <3

[monstrousproductions]

Knowing that urine is a blood filtrate and contains certain blood components in smaller quantities such as Urine has several microscopic solid elements, insoluble in suspension. These elements include red blood cells, white blood cells, epithelial cells, crystals. In that sense, do you think urine is a diet meal for vampires?

Asking as a fellow nurse in training worried about the well being of my patients and these new trending diets.

Thank you so much for bringing this important issue to the fore. Urine is absolutely NOT a suitable blood-substitute for haematophagic genuses! For one thing, not all genuses are able to digest urine - it's no coincidence that many of the advocates for this so-called "diet" come from omnivorous sub-genuses. For obligate haematophages, non-blood substances will at best pass through the system undigested. At worst, they could trigger a serious reaction.

Whatever the sub-genus, however, urine simply does not have the nutritional value needed for a balanced diet, and is especially lacking in protein. Depending on how well-hydrated one's donor is, it may be no more nutritional than a glass of water!

The fact is that dieting simply does not work. One may lose weight in the short term, but that weight will only return when the diet ends. Not to mention the sheer, obvious unsustainability of sticking to such an unappetising meal plan.

For haematophagic followers looking to improve their relationship with eating, I strongly recommend concentrating instead on eating when you're hungry, and enjoying your food. Life - or, as the case may be, post-life vitality - is simply too long to spend drinking piss.

[my-autism-adhd-blog]

I wanted to ask how to make sure I advocate for myself at the doctor and how do I get the labs/tests needed for my hormonal issues? I am autistic trying to get a hypothyroidism/Hashimoto’s some sort of hormonal disease diagnosis and I’m just scared the Endocrinologist won’t believe me…… I wrote down my symptoms and planned to discuss the symptoms I’ve had for years along with the struggles with my weight and how I’ve had to resort to extreme diets to lose weight only to gain it back through regular eating and all that…….

Hi there,

The only thing I can think of is to share the sources you found to research the symptoms and everything.

I’m sorry that this is my only advice. Maybe my followers have some advice?

I hope this helped a little bit. Thank you for the inbox. I hope you have a wonderful day/night. ♥️

[t4tozier]

Funny little headcanon for Jace and sorcerers in general:

a side effect of having magic as an innate source in your body is that sorcerers need a lot of extra calories to act as fuel for the magic or otherwise magic will start burning other areas.

Jace being a powerful sorcerer is a good example of this, only thing is he’s terrible at sitting down and actually remembering to eat a proper meal, he’s also one of those people who just doesn’t like to eat a lot in one go.

As a result Jace is CONSTANTLY snacking, like they’ll be having an important meeting with the rest of the staff and Jace just randomly halfway through pulls out a yogurt and banana.

Or a pupil will stop to ask him something in the hall only to realise that jace is halfway through a packet of pistachios.

He keeps an entire shelf and a mini fridge in his office stocked with a selection of his favourite foods and it’s a 50/50 shot wether you can walk into their and find him eating.

And sure it’s a bit weird but this is aguefort and it’s hardly the weirdest quirk a teacher has so everyone just shrugs it off as a strange Jace thing.

Also pretty much every sorcerer student has at least once felt faint only for Jace to suddenly appear with a cookie and juice telling them to sit down for a bit, they’re then given a talk on low mana and blood sugar and wow this probably the only time they’ve seen Jace so serious.

-

And since I had to add some starbreaker to this: Jaces eating habits annoy the hell out of Porter, Porter who plans his meals down to the very last calorie and nutritional value and still can’t quite get rid of that gut (it’s muscle anyway ports official art always struck me as someone with more of a strongman build rather than the 6 pack body builder type).

Meanwhile Jace is on his second candy bar of the day, porters definitely not jealous.

Is Jace has definitely accidentally pissed of a number of people by either them talking about diets, trying to lose weight etc and Jace just looking at them blankly completely unable to relate.

Or someone asking what his secret for staying so skinny is and Jace inwardly thinking and how he was too lazy to cook last night and instead ate half a tub of ice cream instead. Xx

grazer jace real. also. brennan lee mulligan coded. he refuses to share his snacks w anyone but if one of his students is on the verge of passing out jace is right there w like an airplane selection of snacks for them to choose from <3 he’s very much an intuitive eater so he’s like. not even confused he lives with porter he knows Why ppl diet n shit but it just doesn’t make sense to him he’s like. let’s get it together guys. why aren’t u eating things u like. why are u actively denying urself pleasure. also hedonist jace real <3

i need porter to talk to senshi (?) from dungeon meshi. getting everyone on the build a bear grind. are we talking about senshi or me. who’s to say.

[bigfatdenial]

Big Fat Denial

I was overweight as a child up until I was 22. At my heaviest, I felt fine; I had no mobility issues, I walked to work every day, I had lots of energy, etc (I just ate more calories than I burned, so I was fat). I lost weight and managed to keep it off for the most part through proper nutrition and exercise.

Fast forward 20+ years later, I gained weight during the pandemic (being sedentary as a result of working from home, eating heavily processed comfort foods, and drinking wine). I let myself go. Because of the weight, my health went to absolute shit - FAST. I began to experience

Fatigue.

Depression.

Inflammation.

Joint Pain.

Sleep Apnea.

Constant WHEEZING.

Indigestion.

Heartburn.

Acid Reflux.

High Blood Pressure.

I couldn't stand for very long due to the pain and pressure in my lower back. I had problems with my balance. My digestive system was a mess. I hurt just getting out of bed every morning. I would wake up gasping for air like I forgot how to breathe. The acid reflux was kind of my breaking point because it already sucked trying to sleep with the joint pain, wheezing, and fear of waking up gasping - now I felt like my esophagus was melting as well.

I went back to my trusty TDEE calculations and stuck to a diet of 1500-1700 calories per day* (lots of lean protein and bulky vegetables, as well as carbs because carbs are important). Once I lost the weight, guess what disappeared?

Fatigue.

Depression.

Inflammation.

Joint Pain.

Sleep Apnea.

Constant WHEEZING.

Indigestion.

Heartburn.

Acid Reflux.

High Blood Pressure.

I see a lot of young fat-positive people out there who brag that they "feel fine" being fat and that they are active and happy. That may be the case now. It's going to be a different situation once you get older. Our bodies are not meant to be excessively fat. We need health at every size - but we are not healthy at every size.

*This TDEE is based on my personal stats and may not be suitable for everyone. This included 3 full meals plus snacks and was not in any way restrictive or caused "starvation." If you want to create a caloric deficit in order to lose/maintain weight, speak with a nutritionist to come up with personalized meal plans.