#House;

[crownmemes]

House Sentences, Vol. 5

(Sentences from House (2004-2012). Adjust phrasing where needed)

"Can I ask what he's done to deserve your loyalty?"

"One day, our friendship will break, and it'll just prove your theory that relationships are conditional and you don't need human connection, or deserve it, or whatever goes on in that rat maze of your brain."

"You think I'm a bureaucrat with a badge, following some arbitrary guideline?"

"None of you are innocent. Not one of you."

"A bully's a bully. If they don't get a reaction, they'll lose interest."

"People think you have no inner censor. The fact is, you hold yourself back, because when you want to hurt, you know just where to poke a sharp stick."

"When I see people with their kids, it's so natural. It's like they have an instruction book imprinted on their genes. Maybe I just didn't get a copy."

"I did this to help you!"

"You need to believe that I've got a problem so that your betrayal has the illusion of nobility."

"Being different, you get used to people's idiocy."

"Only an idiot goes to prison for being stubborn!"

"We both know that my pride far surpasses my instinct for self-preservation."

"Normal's not normal if you're not normal."

"You could throw a dart at all the adjectives between arrogant and unhinged and I'm sure you'd hit one that describes me."

"I live in pain. Pain that on good days is merely intolerable and on bad ones will suck the life-force right out of you."

"You're not my mom! You don't have to keep checking up on me!"

"You find fault in everybody because you're afraid to look at yourself."

"You ever trust an addict? You ever give one the benefit of the doubt? How many times did it work out for you?"

"People like you, even your actions lie."

"I'm sorry, but I don't remember you."

"Does your voice always get that high and annoying when you're angry?"

"How can I help you this beautiful morning?"

"You owe me. I kept you out of jail; I can put you back."

"When you entered, I noted your shirt hadn't been pressed; you hadn't shaved in quite some time. I extrapolated you were a person for whom detail is not a major concern."

"You cannot make the uninteresting interesting."

"Why are you wearing perfume?"

"Is this a real case, or one of those imaginary cases that happen when you’re bored?"

"I'll get better. I always get better."

"Stop looking at my ass when you think I'm not looking!"

"Do you put all your patients through this many tests, or just the important ones?"

"I take it you two aren't sleeping together anymore?"

"I didn't realise you were going to get hurt. I'm sorry I misled you."

"No! I’m not getting sucked into the vortex of your insanity again!"

"That’s such a bad idea! There’s no way that won’t cause damage to the large intestine!"

"Are you keeping us here just to torture me?"

"The only difference between me and you is that I made some bad decisions, and you made some good ones."

"I don't like you. Never have, never will."

"I'm not breaking into somebody's house! I have principles!"

"Tone it down or I will hit you."

"I thought this was going to be fun. I mess with you, you mess with me - eventually, you give in. But you've shown a startling lack of humour."

"I approve of your shamelessness."

"Your hair makes you look like a hooker."

[greghatecrimes]

House drugged that coffee btw

[piedpip3rrr]

What is this? A crossover episode???

[verifiablebot]

'this property says it has nine acres but those neighbours look pretty clo-'

oh.

ohhhhhhhhh no

[louisegluckpdf]

they won't tell you this in therapy but sometimes the best way to stop catastrophizing/anxiety is to interrupt your spiraling with "girl what the hell are you talking about"

[victusinveritas]

I love the idea of a roomba topography map being the jumping on point for a liminal horror story. House of Leaves II: Roomba.

[plaguedocboi]

I hate the “open floor plan” that everyone is obsessed with in houses now. I want nooks and crannies and bizarre floor plans. I don’t need to be able to see what someone is doing on the other side of the house. I want places to hide and lurk and dwell in the shadows. I am the beast who awaits in the labyrinth

[eliotquillon]

if house md were running in 2024 there would be an episode with a patient who identifies as an ‘online content creator’ (cagily) where house agrees to take the case primarily because when he offhandedly refers to her as an onlyfans model both cameron and cuddy get really offended and say it’s a sexist assumption so he doubles down and becomes committed to finding the patient’s onlyfans and proving it. at some point it would be revealed that chase actually is an onlyfans model and started doing it as a stopgap after his dad died and he suddenly got disinherited but he makes so much money off it that now medicine is basically just a hobby. cameron and foreman both disagree with the concept online sex work but it turns out they disagree for different reasons (cameron thinks it’s exploitative and not-feminist, foreman finds it distasteful and thinks people should get ‘real jobs’) and spend most of their scenes together arguing about this while chase gets continually more shifty. they break into the patient’s house and there’s a full ringlight and camera setup which seems to confirm house’s suspicions. while trying to find the patient’s onlyfans house accidentally finds chase’s onlyfans instead and considers publicly embarrassing him about it like he did with wilson’s sex tape but soon realises that most of the staff at the hospital are already subscribed to chase’s onlyfans so makes fun of him for that instead. it then transpires that the reason why the patient is so cagey about being a content creator is that she’s an ASMR artist and all the soap she’s been shaving on camera has irritated her lungs. cuddy is about to make house give her 20 extra hours of clinic duty as recompense but at last minute it’s revealed that the website the patient uses for some of her bonus commissions is, drumroll…onlyfans, because she’s been banned from patreon. how does house know this? wilson is subscribed to her because the soap videos sometimes soothe him to sleep. something by cigarettes after sex plays. roll end credits.

[dandylion-s]

Bastille was right. How am I gonna be an optimist about this. Also right about eh eho eho.

[fernsnailz]

i think we all need to complain about LED headlights more. please can we all complain about them more. night driving is nearly impossible for me to do now without having to white knuckle my way through a thousand evil suns. every time i see those headlights in my mirrors i take 2d6 radiant damage. i want to destroy every single LED headlight under my feet like they’re goombas

[politijohn]

Source

[crownmemes]

House Sentences, Vol. 10

(Sentences from House (2004-2012). Adjust phrasing where needed)

"The past is the past. It's why I don't like talking about it."

"It's illegal. People go to jail for that. Pay huge fines."

"Your stunned look, I take it, is your way of saying 'brilliant idea!'"

"I know that this isn't a real marriage, but I really like you..."

"You know, when you're interested in something and nobody else is, the polite thing is to keep it to yourself."

"You always get your way, don't you?"

"You know, there's something seriously wrong with us."

"Why is it so wrong that I don't like to cheat?"

"However much it hurt, I did have a right to break up with you."

"You need to see a shrink. I'm serious."

"If you want to lecture me on my poor judgment, there would seem to be more relevant examples."

"Listen to me, you can't keep going like this. Something has to change."

"I want things to go back to the way they were before we started dating."

"I know one conversation isn't going to solve everything, but it is a start."

"You're miserable and you're angry, and I want you to actually deal with that!"

"You think I have unresolved issues, and that you are the unresolved issues."

"Whatever the reason, it was a bad reason and a bad idea. That's all that matters."

"You don't need to depend on people who are going to let you down!"

"You know, for someone who asks as many favours as you do, you sure don't make any effort to win me over."

"You can read people. You understand them."

"You're really not good at reading people, are you?"

"I'd call you an idiot again, but at this point I'm starting to doubt whether you understand what I mean by the word."

"Running away from home is a time-honoured tradition, but you're not doing it to flee your parents. You're doing it to protect them."

"I like you. I have fun with you. And, if you can honestly say that you don't like me, you don't have fun with me, I can accept that."

"Just do whatever you have to do to get over this. You can punch me in the face, kick me in the nuts. Either/or. Both seems excessive."

"We're going to fundamentally disagree about what it means to read too much into this, aren't we?"

"I'm not sure what you were trying to achieve. I'm never quite sure."

"So, either you're so insecure that you feel like you need to always have the upper hand, or you're so arrogant that the notion of a favour is insulting to you."

"Don't you think it's a little early to be dragging up our baggage in front of each other?"

"Everybody makes mistakes. They just don't usually broadcast all of them at the same time."

"Even the best-intentioned parents end up damaging their kids."

"People respect you. They just don't like you."

"Are you intentionally trying to get me to dislike you?"

"I know you want to believe that this is something we can cure. It's not. I'm sorry."

"You're incapable of human connection, so you want everyone to be like you!"

"I know this is weird for you, but you need to figure out a way to be okay with it."

"It really does suck being you, doesn't it?"

"Friends respect each other's decisions, even if they don't agree with them."

"Loyalty is a tool to get people to do things they don't want to do."

"I have been a disloyal, disrespectful jerk. I should have listened to what you wanted."

"Like it or not, you are a person."

"People don't change. Consciences don't spontaneously develop."

"You're destroying your entire life! You can't go back from this!"

[sunfortune]

real

[shamebats]

[thankstothe]

folk hero really