#Honestly if I manage to read 10 books by the end of the month I will be very happy

[tiredgatt0]

Day 1: The Bad Beginning, Lemony Snicket (4/5)

(from The Series of Unfortunate Events)

Wanted to reread this in english to see what I think about it now (liked it a lot when I was younger). Very to the point style and I like the tangets about metaphors and definitions of words. It's a good children's book and a nice nostalgia moment.

Last year I read 40 books in 12 months,

This year I read 8 books in 11 months,

logical conclusion: read a book every day of the last month

[warabidakihime]

Rules and Roses Chapter 3

★ characters: kibutsuji muzan x reader x akaza

★ plot summary: Kibutsuji Muzan has finally decided to expand his empire, and the way he intends to do so is by running for the highest political position. With you, his darling wife, at his side, he believes he can achieve and have everything the world has to offer. He is, after all, the Phoenix of Phario.

★ fic playlist: sometimes, same day, as time stops, wolf’s song (this is also the vision board for the fic). 

★ content warnings : implied violence and abuse, profanities, toxic relationships, smut. MINORS DNI.

comments are always welcome and greatly appreciated! hearing your thoughts motivates me to write more, so please leave a comment. have fun reading!

-

"Hey Akaza, good morning! Sorry to message you so early, but I need to let you know I'll be meeting with Ms. Rivera at her place today before lunch. Please have the car ready by 10:30 am. Thank you!"

Akaza, huh?

Akaza stared at your message, his eyes fixed on his phone screen, but his mind wandered. Minutes passed as thoughts raced through his head. Finally, with a deep sigh, he shook off his distractions, put down his phone, and began getting ready for the day.

One thing about you: you hated delays, whether caused by you or someone else.

There was a time when Akaza accidentally overslept, and you had an early doctor's appointment. Because he was late, you drove yourself and got annoyed at him for messing up your schedule. Eventually, you calmed down and reminded him that time is something you don’t like wasting.

Since then, Akaza has never missed an alarm and has always been punctual.

However, he was confused as to why you didn’t tell your husband about what happened that day. You're usually an open book and a chatterbox with your husband, so it came as a surprise Muzan wasn’t informed of his little oopsie. 

He didn’t ask you why, though. 

First, he didn’t want to push his luck, and second, he didn’t exactly want Muzan to find out. Muzan was known to be strict and blunt with everyone except you.

You have your rules, but Muzan has his demands.

Akaza knows this well since he was Muzan’s bodyguard before being assigned to you after your marriage. This change in his role was rather unexpected, considering your... dynamic.

As his mind wandered down this path, Akaza shook his head, his eyes closing in frustration.

“Don’t even think about going there,” he muttered to himself, knowing he didn’t have the patience to entertain such thoughts.

With another deep sigh, he continued getting ready. Once finished, he almost sprinted out of his room to start the car, ensuring everything was set for you to leave as soon as you were ready.

-

"Sign here, Ms. Rivera."

"Gladly."

Since it was a weekday, traffic in the capital city was manageable, and you arrived at your client's home right on time.

Muzan’s busy campaign schedule meant you often had to accompany him. If he wins the election, you’ll be the first lady, a role with its own important responsibilities.

Time flew by, and since your last meeting with Ms. Rivera a month ago, you were now down to the final run-through of her wedding plans for next month.

The only thing left was for your client to pay the remaining balance for your services.

After collecting the payment and discussing final details with Ms. Rivera, your meeting ended after nearly an hour. Akaza was there in the living room with you and the client, keeping himself busy with phone games,playing silently out of respect.

As he noticed the meeting wrapping up, he excused himself to prepare the car so you could leave promptly.

"Where to?" Akaza asked as he drove off.

"Hmm... let’s eat somewhere before going home. Are you craving something?" You looked at him, and he responded with a sheepish chuckle, "Don't worry about me, madam. You choose what you want."

"Honestly, I don’t know what I want to eat. I’m hungry but can’t decide what I’m in the mood for."

Akaza navigated the highway smoothly, one hand on the wheel, the other propped on the door with his chin resting on his palm. He hummed as he thought about where to eat.

"There's this burger joint I know. It’s a bit far, but their food is good and cheap," he suggested. His tone exuded excitement, and as you listened to him, you noticed the excited tone, which for some reason made you equally excited as well.

"Sure! That sounds great. I don’t have any other plans, so we can take our time," you replied just as eagerly.

Akaza looked over to you for a minute, catching the pretty smile plastered on your face. Without his permission, his heart skipped a beat, and warmth seeped through his veins, softening his usually stoic demeanor.

Today, with the sun shining brightly and the breeze feeling wonderful against your skin, Akaza allowed himself to let his guard down just a bit and let his inhibitions win for once and just this once.

"It's decided, then."

With a fond smile, he nodded at you before stepping on the gas, determined to get you to the burger joint he enthusiastically vouched for.

The place where the remnant of your past lingered—the place where your Pandora's box awaits.

-

"This is so good!" you exclaimed as you took your first bite of the burger you ordered.

Akaza merely chuckled while watching you eat, his eyes filled with fondness and a little bit of pride. He was clearly pleased that you liked his suggestion when the two of you were deciding what to eat for lunch.

Through the years of serving you as your bodyguard, he learned that you were rather picky with the foods you ete. You have sensory issues, so certain food textures and scents are not to your liking.

You also don't like eating foods you hadn't tried before when you were very hungry, because what if you didn't like them? It would ruin your appetite right there and then. But this time, you had hearts in your eyes after taking your first bite of the burger.

"See? I told you it's good and mad cheap too. A little bit greasy, but we'll live," Akaza said with a chuckle.

You nodded enthusiastically in response. "Yeah, but to be honest, for some reason, the taste is familiar to me."

You looked around the burger joint, scanning every nook and cranny as you tried to gather your thoughts. "It's my first time here, yet this place feels so familiar, and the taste of their food reminds me of something, but I just can't pinpoint what it is."

Still lost in your own little world as you enjoyed your meal, a spark twinkled in Akaza's eyes as he listened to you.

"Maybe you've been here before, but you can't remember. I mean, if my schedule were as hectic and loaded as yours, I'd also forget stuff every now and then."

You hummed as you took another hearty bite, your pupils dilating at how much you loved it, making your bodyguard chuckle fondly at you. He didn't say anything more, knowing you were in the process of gathering your thoughts.

"I guess so, but I figure if I liked their food here so much, I wouldn't be able to forget this place. You know me and my obsession with food, Akaza."

Yeah, I know.

How could I ever forget?

"Most of what you make me do is either order you food or buy you iced coffee. How could I forget?" he replied with a teasing smile.

You playfully swatted him on the head.

Akaza snickered, finding absolute pleasure in teasing you.

"What? It's true! Check our chatbox—it's full of your food orders."

Rolling your eyes, you shot back, "And who’s the one who enjoys eating half of those orders with me?"

Akaza grinned, leaning back in his chair. "Well, can you blame me? You tend to overorder, and most of the time you persuade me to eat the rest of it."

"Overorder? That's rich coming from the guy who always insists on extra fries," you retorted with a smirk.

"Hey, those fries are amazing, and you know it. And I'm not one to deny free food," Akaza said defensively and quite audaciously as he is having this conversation with you, his main source of income, but over the years of working for you and spending time with you, the two of you have grown close and a lot comfortable with each other's company.

"Yeah, yeah, just admit you can't resist good food either," you teased.

"Alright, alright," Akaza conceded, laughing. "You got me. But seriously, if I didn’t help you out, you’d probably be buried under a mountain of food by now."

You couldn't help but laugh. "Okay, maybe I do get a little carried away sometimes."

"A little?" Akaza raised an eyebrow, grinning.

"Remember that time you ordered enough sushi to feed an army? I had to go buy you medicine in the middle of the night because you got a bad stomach ache."

You rolled your eyes again, your cheeks a bit red due to a slight embarrassment, but you tried to cover it with a sheepish smile.

"It was a new place, and I wanted to try everything!"

"You certainly did," Akaza said, shaking his head. "But it’s all part of the job—keeping you happy and well-fed."

"And teasing me endlessly," you added.

"Of course," Akaza said while still wearing that damn teasing smile on his face. "It's also part of my KPIs."

You couldn't help but laugh, shaking your head at his cheekiness. "Well, as long as you’re enjoying yourself."

Akaza leaned back, his expression softening. "I am. Besides, someone has to keep you grounded."

"Grounded, huh? More like keep me entertained," you retorted, smiling.

"That too," he admitted with a chuckle. "Ready to head back?"

You nodded, feeling satisfied both with the meal and the company. "Yeah, let’s go. Thanks for lunch, Akaza."

"Anytime, boss," he replied, standing up and offering you a hand.

With a shared smile, you both left the burger joint and headed back home.

-

Still on cloud nine from your spontaneous lunch out with Akaza, you entered the mansion, still chatting and laughing with one another. You didn't notice Muzan in the kitchen, helping himself to a glass of wine.

He had just come back from a busy day, which included attending business meetings at Obelisk Kibutsuji, participating in media interviews with his running mate Douma, and going to a fitting for an upcoming event you both would attend in about two months.

After such a hectic day, he rewarded himself with a drink to unwind.

At the sound of your melodious laugh chiming like bells in the hallway, his ears perked up, and he immediately looked up, his curiosity piqued. What could be the reason you were in such a good mood?

"Oh, hey, my love. You're home," you said lovingly as soon as you saw your husband in the kitchen.

"Yeah. The fitting ended a lot earlier, so I headed straight home," he responded with an equally loving smile.

Clearly elated to see him, you immediately sprinted with light steps towards Muzan, giving him the tightest bear hug and a smooch to match. Muzan happily reciprocated the kiss, making you giggle in between kisses.

Meanwhile, Akaza stood on one side of the room, waiting for you to either dismiss him or have him remain in his post should you have other tasks for him.

After a few more moments, you both pulled away and smiled at each other.

"How was your day, darling?" Muzan asked, still holding you in his embrace.

"It was great!" you replied.

"Oho? And may I know why?" Muzan asked again, his voice lacking the usual professional tone he used.

"My meeting with Ms. Rivera was successful, and we will be proceeding to the actual wedding preparations. And then, Akaza introduced me to this burger joint downtown, and it was so good! I need to take you there, my love. They have the best iced coffee too!"

"Oh, did he?" Muzan said, his scarlet eyes darting towards your bodyguard, who was currently wearing a polite smile as he regarded your husband with a nod and bow.

Muzan replicated his smile, although it didn't quite reach his eyes.

Turning back to you, Muzan said, "Well, when I'm not too busy or when we're in the area, let's eat there, hm?"

"It's a date," you giggled. Then you turned to Akaza and said, "You can go ahead and rest now, Akaza. Thank you so much for today."

"Yes, madam," he replied before bowing and retreating to his room at the far end of the mansion, beside Kokushibo and the maids' quarters.

Unbeknownst to you, Muzan was trailing your bodyguard's disappearing figure, and just as you were about to look up at him again, his undivided attention was back on you.

Giving your hips a good-hearted squeeze, he pointed to his half-empty wine glass and said, "Want a drink, darling?"

You nodded. "I'd love to."

The two of you walked back to the spacious kitchen. You sat on the countertop, your legs swinging merrily, as you watched your husband pour you a glass of red wine. After handing it to you, he walked over to the other side of the kitchen to look for something.

"How was your day, my love?" It was your turn to ask. Muzan smiled handsomely and replied in a relaxed manner, "Chaotic as always. To be quite honest, I think the fatigue is catching up to me."

You frowned at this. "It's because you're pushing yourself too hard. Why don't you take a day or two to rest?"

"Hmm... I might. I'll check my calendar, and if it's not too full, I will move those schedules to a later date," he replied while rummaging through a kitchen drawer.

"Want me to give you a massage later?"

Muzan finally returned to you after finding what he was looking for, a familiar smile now plastered on his face. He walked closer until your knees were against his torso, and both of his arms were securely placed on each of your sides, caging you in place.

"Just a massage? I think I'm going to need more than that, Y/N."

Already understanding what he was implying, you mirrored his smile, wrapped your arms around his neck, and invited him in between your legs. "What do you mean?"

Muzan chuckled seductively, his face only inches away from yours, the tip of his nose touching yours, his scarlet pupils mesmerizing you.

"I need you naked and moaning for me, darling. Can you do that?"

You chuckled just as seductively, already feeling aroused. You could only nod in response, much to your husband's delight.

"Hmm... it's decided then. But wait, before I get sidetracked, let's take our night supplements first."

You rolled your eyes at that. "Not you edging me before we even get started, Muzan."

Muzan let out a hearty chuckle, highly amused at your choice of words. "I'll make sure to repent later."

"You're forgiven," you replied with a chuckle, then took the pills your husband prepared for you. While you were preoccupied, a rather odd expression was plastered on Muzan's face, but it quickly reverted back to 'normal' once you're done.

"That's a new brand, by the way. Douma introduced it to me. He said it's way more effective than the one we're taking."

"Really? Hmm... I've not heard of this brand before. Is it imported?" you asked while gulping down a glass of water.

"Yeah, it's made in Italy."

You hummed in response, and in a split second, you found yourself being embraced by your husband again. In all honesty, he nearly gave you whiplash, but that's just one of Muzan's many quirks you fell in love with.

Then you felt him place a sensual kiss on your neck, immediately turning you into a puddle, even more so when you felt his teeth puncture your flesh. Afterwards, he dragged his kisses from your neck to your jaw, then finally to your lips.

"M-Muzan." You moaned as you felt his hands roam around your body, leaving chills in their wake.

"Already, darling? I'm just getting started." He didn't give you a chance to respond, as the moment you were about to, he glided his tongue between your plump lips and invited yours to a dance of tango.

The kiss left you so hazy that you didn't even notice Muzan had already discarded your pencil skirt, your undergarments dangling on your foot, and your blouse and bra fully undone by his skillful hands.

"I missed you so much, Y/N. It's been a while, huh?" Muzan asked after pulling away momentarily before diving down to one of your breasts, immediately nubbing on your nipples, making you gasp and moan out loud.

"Y-yes," you breathed out.

It was already well into the night, and usually the both of you were already in bed given that you were always busy with your respective work. But at this very moment, you'd never felt more alive and hungry for each other.

It really has been a while since you last had sex. Heck, it had also been a while since you last went on a proper date. So craving each other like rabbits in heat wouldn't surprise anyone, considering the two of you were borderline obsessed with one another.

"Ahhh," you gasped, your back arching as you felt your husband's tongue glide over your needy clit.

Muzan continued his magic in your nether region, quickly sending you over the edge. You had one hand clamped over your mouth, nervous that if you let any more lewd sounds escape, you would wake the maids and bodyguards.

"Let me hear you, darling," your husband hummed between your legs.

Unbeknownst to you, Muzan had his eyes wide open and focused on the entrance of the kitchen. Even in the dimly lit room, he could see someone's shadow.

Still concentrating his gaze there, he spoke again.

"Come on, Y/N. Let me hear you sing. Say my name, darling. Who's making you feel good?"

As if on cue, you reached climax; your eyes shot open and then closed shut again in sheer pleasure.

"Ah, fuc—Muzan!"

Muzan smirked as he watched the shadow slowly disappear.

"Good girl."

[norbezjones]

Bez Reviews Independent Books 5: The Last Bread Mage

Hey everyone!  I wanna do little reviews/writeups for the independently-published books I find on itch.io, and so, here I am.  I want to review one book every month or two (or quicker, if I’m lucky); it’ll get me reading more, and get authors who often go without feedback some thoughts on their work!  I think it’ll be cool for everyone!

If you want your book reviewed, the only requirement I have is that it’s hosted on itch.io.  Even if itch is just one of many places you can get the book, I want to review books that have a home there at least.  Feel free to get in touch with me with your books—I’m @NorbezJones on Twitter (I refuse to call it X), Bluesky, Pillowfort, Threads, Instagram, and Tumblr; I’m norbez2.0 on Discord.

Looking forward to seeing your books! <3

__________

After I reviewed M. Kirin’s Memory Leak, Kirin ( @maxkirin ) contacted me and asked if I wanted a review copy of another one of their books, The Last Bread Mage!  I said yes, and here we are!  So to make it plain as possible: I was giving a free copy of this book in order to review it.  However, that does not sway my opinion of the book either way, and my opinions are 100% my own.

So, what’s The Last Bread Mage about?  Well, in a fantasy world, the end times have arrived.  A red mage named Fel manages to survive the destruction of his magic school, and he finds a saint named Amara, who insists they must go to The Pinnacle, the center of the world.  Along their journey, they find a knight named Virgen and a thief named Dormi.  The four journey to the center of the world using the help of Fel’s magic, and when they get there, they make a surprising discovery.

There are almost 30 chapters, and between each chapter is a mini-chapter that describes something that ended off the previous chapter and/or will start off the next chapter.  This “something” can be an object, a person, a piece of worldbuilding, anything really.  These mini-chapters are a cool idea and add a lot to making the world feel real.

So, I won’t bury the lead: I liked this book a whole lot.  I really, really love it.  And not because I got it for free—like I said, that does not affect my opinion, and I honestly wish I could go back in time and spend money on this.  I’m going to make this review as in-depth as possible to make up for the fact that barely anybody has read this fucking amazing book.  I have criticisms, obviously, but overall, this book is a 10/10 from me.

It reminded me of the thick sci-fi & fantasy epics I read to pass time in the hospital (to be clear, that is a compliment), immersing myself in deep worlds with rich characters between the pages.  I wish I’d had The Last Bread Mage during my last trip to inpatient.  I’m glad I have it now, at least.

Also, it’s one of those books that the more you read it, the more the meaning of the cover becomes clear & changes.  The last time that happened was with Still Life With Woodpecker, and it was pretty cool to see it happening here.

You might be asking, “Why is it called The Last Bread Mage?”  This is because Fel is the last red mage, and “bread mage” is another name for “red mage” due to the fact that red mages make bread for hungry people.  They basically use their magic to bend the rules of the universe using the three basic components all things are made of: texture, fiber, & substance.  By mixing & matching these basic materials, they can turn one thing into an entirely different thing, like when Fel renders the bars of a cell into bread.  They use up energy when they do that though, so they can’t do it forever—after all, even magic-users are only human.

The magic system in this book is very interesting, and makes for some very unique ways for Fel to get him & his friends out of the perils they end up facing.  It also soon leads to theological implications, because red mages’ magic changes the logic of the universe set by God.  However, God can only “see” the basic components all things are made of, so since a transmuted item retains the same basic materials, in God’s eyes, nothing has changed.  These theological implications are explored in various ways and go in many directions I didn’t expect, like when Fel uses his powers to make him & his friends not exist in the eyes of God.

There are also times where Fel’s powers go awry, though, through no fault of his own.  Basically, the apocalypse occurring in the world is causing the world’s logic to fall apart, drowning continents and making fantastical creatures appear that previously only existed in fiction.  This means that the logic behind Fel’s powers sometimes fails him, such as when he tries to make a doorway for him & Amara to escape down the block from a threat, but when they go through that doorway, they’ve been transported halfway across the world.

By making the story about the logic of the universe and how it can be exploited or make what should go right go wrong, the book carries a consistent throughline throughout the whole thing, even & especially when Fel does his most shocking action near the end of the story.  It’s a very admirable feat.

Speaking of the ending, I do want to talk about that.  If you don’t want to be spoiled, skip to the “SPOILERS END HERE” line.

**SPOILERS START HERE**

When Fel and his friends reach The Pinnacle, they meet a few other folks there—and they meet God.  I wasn’t sure if God was going to end up being real or not, but there it is, fretting as the world comes to an end.  It’s revealed that God made the world in an effort to make order out of chaos, but chaos keeps seeping through, no matter what it does.  It has ended & restarted the world many, many, many times, always bringing back The Chosen Four (Amara & three others named Lumbre, Huesos, & Frio) and The Fated Four (Fel [true name: Felicidad], Virgen [true name: Virtud], Dormi [true name: Domino (a name Dormi finds “fucking stupid”) & Beatrix [true name: Hambre])

Beatrix is a very interesting character.  In this lifetime, she was the butcher in the prison Dormi was locked up in, ruthlessly killing many of Dormi’s friends.  But she regrets being that person, thought she had to make herself into what she now realizes is a monster.  Her & Dormi’s reflection is shown in this passage:

“Dormi and Beatrix‌—‌who had been incredibly lost until this point‌—‌found themselves looking at one another. They thought about the life they’d led and wondered how different things would’ve been had they switched places. It humbled Beatrix, for she had been taught to hate the people of Gritlan, and it scared Dormi, for they were terrified of the butcher they might’ve become.”

The eight of them are always created when a new cycle begins.  Amara remembers every single cycle, every single timeline that has ever existed.  So does God, of course.  And now, it’s time for the world to end for a new cycle to begin.

The Chosen Four all carry pieces of The Worldly Egg, from which a new cycle of the world will hatch.  They take out their pieces, the egg forms—but God doesn’t hatch it.  Instead, God admits to them that it is tired of change, of chaos.  It longs for predictability, and wants this all to end.  It wants this to be the last cycle to ever exist.

Of course, everyone else protests.  So, God asks them all to vote whether this should be the last cycle of the world.  God votes Yea, as it is tired of doing this over & over again.  Everyone else votes, until finally, Fel has to be the tiebreaker. 

But instead of voting, Fel takes the The Worldly Egg and rends it, crunching it down to its most basic materials and absorbing them into himself.  In doing so, Fel absorbs everything existing into himself—the world, his friends, even God—and becomes the new creator of the universe.  The Prince of Absolute Chaos.

He creates a new cycle, brings his friends back.  God is reborn as a child, and as a being who has never had a name, it asks Fel to have his—to be named Felicidad.  Fel says yes, as long as, “[Y]ou must promise me to honor the name by living a life full of joy, laughter, and smiles.  Do you promise?”

The previous God thinks about it—after all, life could be full of “joy, laughter, and smiles” or it can be full of “misery and misfortune”.  In the end, it promises Fel it will uphold the name, and the book ends on that final exchange.

I teared up quite a bit as I read through the ending, and even going back to find quotes for this review made me tear up again.  Saving your friends, saving the world, and even saving God—there’s something very beautiful in that, I think.

I also love how Kirin was able to bring aspects of his Mexican culture into the book, by making all of the true names that of “the first language” within the book’s universe (Spanish).  It’s a nice little touch and I think it’s neat.

**SPOILERS END HERE**

Now for my criticisms.  Like Adrian in Memory Leak, Fel is referred to as “the young man” quite a lot.  Sometimes this happens multiple times in the same paragraph.  This seems to be in an effort to avoid using pronouns instead, but sometimes, it’s better to just say “he”, as someone who also has this problem in eir writing (thanks, OCD [literally, not a figure of speech]!).

That’s basically my only nitpick.  I wish I had more to criticize honestly, but I really don’t.  Good problems to have.

In conclusion, I’ve never been angrier that a book isn’t popular than when I finished this one.  Where are the Tumblr shitposts and multiple pieces of fanart for this book?  I’m so mad lmao!  Also, I imagine I will have that feeling quite a bit as I continue this book review series.

I want to leave off with these words that Amara says to Fel, because I think they’re beautiful:

“‘The only thing worth a damn in this world is being the best versions of ourselves. What does that look like to you, sweet Fel? What does the best version of you look like? It may seem far away, unreachable at the best of times, but you should reach out for this impossible ideal. Be the truest version of yourself. That’s the only thing we can do. Everything else? My dear, everything else is a gamble.’”

So true, bestie.  Amen.

[roping-riding-wrangling]

Chapter Three: I Am A Rock

He opens the backpack and retrieves several photos. You can’t help but look at the pages and a gasp breaks from your lips. “Jonathan, what is this?”

“Y/n,” he responds quietly.

“Y/n, this is what happens when creeps are given too much freedom and no consequences.” Steve tells you, jaw hardening

“That's not…” Jonathan trails off. 

Summary: turns out running on barely an hour of sleep has consequences. Y/n goes for a drives, gossips, meets Steve (not just him staring at her from across the parking lot) and has a mental breakdown!

Previous Chapter

words: 4k

Warnings: ANGST, mentions of death, swearing, stalking, mentions of sex, nonconsensual pictures, Steve Harrington being an asshole, sleep deprivation and its effects

The alarm clock reads 12:08 am. You toss and turn, fluff your pillows, tighten your blanket around you but nothing eases the stress. Your dad had long since gone to bed so putting on a record was out of the question. You hadn’t written in a journal in months and you weren’t keen to start now. It was far too late to go on a jog. You glance at the clock again. 12:10 am. 

“Fuck”

Your contemplation hadn’t even passed the time. Throwing the blankets off, you huff up from the bed. The carpeted floors protect your feet from the cold. Feeling around in the dark, you open your dresser and pull out a pair of wool socks to brave the hardwood of the rest of the house. You step into the hallway, using the light from the living room lamp to illuminate your path. As quietly as possible, you fill the kettle and set it on the stove. You glance to your left and spot your book from where you’d left it in the morning. 

You’d honestly forgotten about it, but realize that this could be exactly what you need to settle your mind. As you wait for the water to warm up, you lean against the counter and use the soft  stove light to read. You’ve made it two chapters farther by the time the water gets hot enough. 

Armed with your tea and book, you set yourself up on the couch. Honestly, for being a paperback romance, A Pirate’s Love was rather compelling. Anastasia’s character arc wasn’t too bad. You suppose that of stock female leads, she did have a fair bit of agency. And her friendship with the pirate Robert made their romance seem pretty natural. You did doubt how historically accurate it was that Anastasia would have become the captain of a ship after only a year at sea. 

In no time, you were nearing the end of the book. 

“Well? What shall it be?” Captain Jones yelled at Anastasia, “your ship or your love?” at the last word, his blade pressed into Robert’s back, pushing him farther along the plank and pulling a strangled cry from the man. “No!” Anastasia roared, caught in the helpless situation. If she saved Robert, Captain Jones would seize immediate control of her ship and crew. Her hard-won freedom would slip from her fingers and everything she had sacrificed would be for naught. 

But if she chose her ship, she would lose Robert. Robert, who’d been her ticket out of the arranged marriage. Robert, who’d first taught her how to sail. Robert, who had been the only person by her side for the past 3 years. The man she loved, whom she was not sure she could navigate this or any other life without.

“Tick tock, lassie,” drawled captain Jones. He wickedly sneered at the woman, and she couldn’t help but be disgusted at the rotting teeth and sickly skin. 

Anastasia was frozen in panic. All she could do was flit her eyes between Jones, Robert, and her crew. Landing her eyes on Robert, he stared at her, lips a small, almost resigned frown. 

He took a step farther on the plank. 

“Robert! No!” cried Anastasia. 

“Let me make the choice easy, my love”

With that, Robert, quick as a rabbit, turned around, grabbed hold of captain jones, and pulled him tight to himself. He then used all his might and hurled them off the plank, together.

You slam the book shut. “What the fuck” you whisper. You had managed to get lost within the story, but the ending made you remember everything you were trying desperately to forget. You beeline for the trash and angrily throw the book in there. “Shit,” you say aloud, wringing out your hands, desperate to shake off the stress. 

You sneak a peek at the oven clock–it's just past 2 am. You feel trapped and the walls are moving in on you and the shadows look darker and your hands feel clammy and a bead of sweat trickles down your back and– you need to get out of here. You slide on your sneakers by the door, grab your keys and leave and quickly and quietly as you can. 

The ignition in your truck stalls a minute and the panic begins to set in again. You turn the key once more, and finally the engine starts. You let out a breath you didn’t know you’d been holding and back out of the driveway. 

The windows are down and cold air hits your face. Normally, you’d recoil at the aggressive wind and biting cold, but now they are welcome distractions from the turmoil in your mind. The only sound is the rushing of the air. At the first red light, you reach into your glovebox and randomly pull a cassette out. You shove it into the port, not paying attention to it, and turn the volume up to overcome the noises of the truck. A familiar guitar melody lets you know you’re listening to Simon and Garfunkel.

Satisfied with the music, you blast down the roads of Hawkins, singing (screaming) along to the lyrics. As the songs continue, you recognize this as a mixtape you made a few years ago. You’d just gotten a tape recorder and the quality reflects your inexperience with the machine. There’s a clear switch when your dad had clearly taken over the recording, the audio suddenly becoming much clearer. In your mindless driving, you’ve ended up at lake Jordan. You park your car, head no longer swimming. You turn your truck off, and grateful at your earlier forgetfulness, grab your walkman from the passenger seat and the cassette from the deck, as well as Jonathan’s jacket. 

Out in the darkness, you lie in the bed of your truck, Jonathan’s jacket wrapped around you, staring up at the stars. You don’t recognize any constellations, but you attempt to make some up. A snake, a butterfly, a gun–no, not a gun, a vase. A vase with a flower in it. 

Side A ends, but when you flip the tape, it takes longer than normal for it to start playing. You pull the headphones around your neck and hold up the walkman trying to inspect it. 

The crack of a twig pierces through the dark silence. You would almost miss it, if not for the headphones on your ears. After a beat, you don’t hear anything else, and assume it's probably an animal somewhere in the woods. You give up on your walkman and, finally tired, you return to the cabin of your truck and begin the journey home. 

If you hadn’t had your music so loud, you probably would’ve heard the monstrous roar coming from the trees. 

––––––

You manage to get an hour of sleep before your morning alarm goes off. The coffee is twice as strong this morning and you down a cup and a half. The chilly air that you’d normally detest is, for the second time today, welcome as it keeps you awake on your drive. Tonight, you vow, you will actually get a decent night’s sleep. 

Practice is uneventful. Stacy, the only other junior on the team, asks for a few tips for diving and landing on her knees. You give her the pointers she asked for, albeit through several yawns. She seems to understand it though, and acts on your guidance, picking up the skills rather easily. Throughout the final scrimmage, you and her take turns saving the ball from hitting the floor. 

In the locker room, you’re one of the first to hit the showers and miraculously, the water is warm. You wipe the sweat and grime of the gym off your body and take a few extra seconds to hold your head under the showerhead, letting the water hit your face. 

Your wet hair sticks to your face as you get dressed, mindlessly listening to the idle chit-chat of the locker room. You have a few minutes before the bell will ring, so you sit on the floor against your locker and pull out your walkman. Removing the mixtape, you replace it with a cassette from your backpack–some ABBA album. You hit the play button and the tape starts up perfectly. You roll your eyes at how erratic your walkman can be and slip the headphones over your ears. 

Second period is full of notes being passed and whispered shared, despite the quiz. None of the information is shared with you directly, but you manage to overhear two names: Steve and Nancy. It's clearly salacious information, as it has the student body abuzz for the rest of the day. You sneak a glance at Nancy in the hallway and the girl seems distraught. You wonder, for a moment, if she and Steve had broken up, but then he waltzes up to her and plants a kiss on her and you’re left speculating again.

Your curiosities are finally answered in seventh period. Mr. Burkhart lets the class have an independent study day (you’re pretty sure he just doesn’t have anything planned) and Stacy, who sits next you, chats your ear off. Stacy seems to know everything going on within the halls of Hawkins. “And then I heard from from Anna P, who heard from Jimmy, who heard from Gareth, who overheard Tommy H that apparently Nancy Wheeler spent the night in Steve’s room, if you know what I mean,” she wiggles her eyebrows, insinuating the not-so-family-friendly activities that went on between the couple. 

“How does Tommy H even know that?” you ask her.

“Apparently, he was there.”

“What, like, in the room?”

“No! He saw them go into Steve’s room and I guess he heard them totally doing it.”

“That's gross. Like, really gross. Tommy H is a total perv. I bet he was listening at the door.”

“Ew! Y/n, that's gross to even think about.”

“He’s the one going around telling everyone about Steve and Nancy.”

Stacy takes a minute to consider that. 

“Huh, I guess you’re right. Steve’s house is pretty big, I’ve been in it and Tommy H would totally have to try to be listening to hear anything.” She shudders at the thought of the freckled boy trying to hear Steve and Nancy through the wall, “Ew, that’s totally skeezy of him. Especially when his girlfriend was probably there.”

“Carol was probably listening with him.”

Stacy giggles at that. Speaking of Carol, you glance in her direction and subtly stare as she and Nichole huddle together, whispering. You can’t tell what they’re speaking about, but you gather it's something more serious than Steve Harrington’s sexual escapades, if you can tell anything from Carol’s furrowed brow and Nichole’s concerned face. 

You turn back towards Stacy and interrupt her rambling about how gross both Carol and Tommy H are, “Why does anyone care if Steve and Nancy had sex? I mean, Carol and Tommy H practically devour each other in the halls constantly, but no one bats an eye.”

She blinks at that, clearly unprepared for the question. “Um,” she answers, “I don’t know…”

She trails off, and the conversation slowly dies as she flounders trying to find another conversation topic that won’t end as awkwardly. 

You turn your attention back to the two girls on the other side of the classroom. Nichole and Carol both rise from their seats and leave the room. 

Your eyelids once again start drooping, clearly the caffeine from the coke you had at lunch is wearing off. The gentle chatter of the classroom and the whirring of the desk fan lull you into a gentle daze. You quickly ask Stacy to wake you in ten minutes before resting your head on your arms and dozing off. 

A gentle shake wakes you from your nap and you rub the sleep out of your eyes. The power nap helped you, but you doubt you’ll last much longer without more caffeine. You glance over to see the girls have returned at some point during your nap. You get the hall pass from your teacher and make your way to your locker. Grabbing a few bills from your wallet, you beeline for the vending machine. Turning the corner, you crash into a body, and in your tired state, fall to the floor. 

“Oh jeez,” a masculine voice says, “Here, let me just-”

Standing above you, hand outstretched, is Steve Harrington. You stare at him dumbly for a minute before he waves it in front of you and you come to your senses. You grab his hand and he easily hoists you up. 

“Sorry about that,” he chuckles awkwardly, “I didn’t mean to knock you down.”

He gives you an apologetic smile and his eyes crinkle slightly at the edges. 

“It's fine,” you brush off his apology, “I wasn’t looking where I was going.”

“Shit!” he exclaims as he looks to his left. You follow his line of sight and see a dented can of coke, slightly leaking. You cringe and offer an apology, which he waves off, “It's fine, I’ll just get another one.”

“I’m uh, headed the same way.” you offer and he nods in response. 

“It's Y/n, right?” he asks.

“Yeah.” you answer warily.

“You’re on the…soccer team?”

“Volleyball, actually.”

“Ah sorry.”

“Its fine”

“How come we’ve never talked before? I know most of the volleyball girls come to my parties. Stacy, Anna, Patty…”

“I’m not really a party person”

“Got it”

The pair of you reach the vending machine and he lets you go first. You deposit your bills, receive your coke and your change. You offer the coins up to Steve, “Here. I kinda killed your first can, so…”

You tense at your own choice of words.

He doesn’t notice though and barks out a laugh. He takes them, inserting them and getting a new coke. “Cheers, killer”

You tense even more at the moniker, but clink your can to his. You down the can as fast as possible while he sips idly. He salutes as you wordlessly leave, walking back to your classroom.

You spend the rest of the period catching up on some of the work you missed yesterday. Stacy peers over your shoulder, nosy as ever, and raises an eyebrow at you.

“Yesterday’s work I missed.”

“Oh yeah! I meant to ask you where you were?”

You turn pale at the probing. You know she means well, but you’ve been avoiding reminders of the incident all day. Still, you answer her, “Benny Hammond, uh, died and I had to go to the police station to give them a statement.”

“Oh man, I’m sorry. I had no clue. God, this town is getting crazy. First the Byers kid, now this,” her voice takes a gentle note, “I can’t believe you came in today. No one would blame you if you missed a day, you know”

One, Two, Three, Four, Five, Six, Seven, Eight, Nine, Ten

“I know, I just didn’t want to skip school. Plus I had a quiz in second period today.”

You shrug your shoulders and hope she lets it go. She takes a breath, as if she is going to push the topic but ultimately says nothing. 

The final bell rings and the students flood the halls of Hawkins High School. You rush to your locker, grabbing your bag haphazardly. Groups of students clump together by their cars discussing carpools, gossip, and tonight’s football game. You throw your bag in your truck and fish out Jonathan’s jacket. Glancing around the carpark, you don’t spot him, but you do eye his car and start walking, intending to wait for him. 

Oddly enough, Steve and his friends are also at his car. Gone is Steve’s carefree demeanor from earlier. His eyebrows are furrowed and his lips are pursed, clearly distraught over whatever the group is discussing.

The group tenses as you approach. Steve offers you a curt nod. 

“Whats up, killer?”

You scrunch your brows at the nickname that has unfortunately stuck. 

“I’m just waiting for Jonathan. What are you guys doing?” you ask, warily. There is a sinister air about them, and whatever has transpired in the last 30 minutes has Steve’s hackles raised. He doesn’t answer you, having spotted something over your shoulder that distracts him. He stands from his position on Jonathan’s trunk.

“Hey man.”

Jonathan looks just as confused as you feel. “What's going on?” He asks, eyes flicking between everyone before landing on you. You shrug your shoulders at him. 

Steve responds to the smaller boy, “Nichole was just telling us about some of your work.”

Carol pipes up with a smirk, “We’ve heard great things.”

It seems that Jonathan connects dots that you don’t have, and you feel slightly stupid for being the only one in the group that doesn’t understand what's going on. You grip Jonathan’s jacket tighter in your hands. 

Steve continues, “We’d just love to take a look, you know–as connoisseurs of art.”

Jonathan looks back at you, some unreadable emotion dancing across his face, and attempts to break through the group to get to his car. Unfortunately, Tommy H is quicker than him, and pulls his bag off his shoulder and tosses it to Steve. “Man,” Steve says nastily, “he’s totally tripping, he must have something to hide.”

He opens the backpack and retrieves several photos. You can’t help but look at the pages and a gasp breaks from your lips. “Jonathan, what is this?”

“Y/n,” he responds quietly.

“Y/n, this is what happens when creeps are given too much freedom and no consequences.” Steve tells you, jaw hardening

“That's not…” Jonathan trails off. 

You stare transfixed at the pages in your hand. Barbara Holland sits on the edge of a diving board, a sad look on her face. Nancy Wheeler through the window–shirtless. A familiar pit settles in your stomach. 

Tommy and Carol pull the stack from you and start combing through them. 

“Dude!” Tommy H yells and Carol backs him up, “Yeah this totally isn’t creepy at all.”

Jonathan seems to find his voice and defends himself, “I was looking for my brother.”

“No,” Steve counters, “no, this is called stalking.”

“What’s going on?” a new, gentle voice joins the mix. You look over to see Nancy Wheeler, the focal point of many of Jonathan’s photos. 

“Here comes the starring lady,” Tommy teases.

“What?” she questions

“This creep was spying on us last night,” Carol responds and hands the girl a photo from the bunch, “He was probably going to save this one for later.”

You look down at the jacket in your hands as Carol explains. Last night? That means he was probably just getting done with taking the photos when you found him. Was his empathy a ploy to throw you off of his creepy scent? You thought you knew him fairly well. Hell, he was probably your closest friend. Christ, that’s depressing: a kid you only know fairly well is your closest friend.your train of thought spirals further, spinning farther out of control. Your closest friend, a kid you only know fairly well, is a total creep!

“See, you can tell he knows that it's wrong,” Steve begins laying into the boy, “But that's the thing about perverts. It's hardwired into them, you know, they just can’t help themselves.”

He begins ripping apart the pictures in his hands.

“So you just have to take away his toy.”

The taller boy grabs the camera and you take the tiniest step towards him. You don’t know how you’re going to stop him, and you certainly can’t defend Jonathan’s actions, but breaking the camera would take it too far. 

“Steve,” Nancy clearly has the same sentiment. 

“C’mon man, not the camera,” Jonathan begs.

“Hey, hey ok,” Steve calls out, extending his hand with the camera towards Jonathan. 

There's a split second where you think that the issue has been resolved and Steve has cooled down. Then the camera is in a million pieces on the ground. Jonathan makes a strangled noise. The air is stolen from your lungs. Your feet are frozen to the ground. 

Steve shoulders past the devastated boy, his posse following. He looks back at you, his eyebrow raised– a clear invitation to join them. You stay rooted to your spot, unable to move and his eyes narrow. His clear brown eyes hold a fierceness in them and you know your inaction is a decision to him. 

“Nancy, c’mon!” he beckons her over and she stands from where you hadn’t noticed her collecting pieces of the torn photos. Before she leaves, she stares at you. Her eyes flick to the jacket in your hands. Her blue eyes are wide and slightly watery. They make the rest of her feel that much smaller. Her nose is slightly red from the cold and her lips are pressed in a thin line. She seems so fragile in this moment, like a slightly-too-strong gust of wind could knock her over. Yet there is a quiet resolve behind the ocean in her eyes. She stands firm, torn pieces in hand and gives you a small, barely there nod. She turns heel and plants herself under Steve Harrington’s arm. 

Before they fully leave your eyesight, she looks back at Jonathan sadly. 

Everything seems to process in slow motion for you. You finally look down at the boy, desperately trying to collect the fractured remains of his camera. He looks up at you, unshed tears in his eyes. 

“I’m sorry,” you breathe out. You gently lay the jacket on the top of his car and walk away, leaving him alone on the ground of the parking lot. 

––––––

You drive home in silence. This morning you couldn’t escape the onslaught of terrible thoughts and now you can barely form a coherent one. You don’t even bother bringing your bag inside with you when you get home. 

Your dad sits on the couch, reading a magazine. A Simon and Garfunkel song plays on the record–the same one from your now ruined cassette. Wordlessly, you crawl onto the couch with him. He raises an eyebrow but says nothing as you tuck yourself under his arm, curling yourself into a tight ball. Mindlessly, he draws small circles on your arm. 

Your breath catches in your throat, and he presses a gentle kiss to your forehead. It's the final crack in the dam. You press your face closer to his shoulder in an attempt to muffle your sobs. 

“Oh buddy…” he croons sympathetically, and you just cry harder. You feel him readjust his posture, likely setting down his magazine. You sit up and gulp down a few lungfuls of air. 

“Do you want to talk about it?” he prompts. 

“Its all a mess! Benny is dead and now I don’t have a job and I know it's terrible that thats one of my concerns, but it is! And there's missing kids all over town. I don’t know if she is ok and Will Byers– he’s so small. And I realized that today Jonathan is my closest friend but hes a fucking stalker creep and all the kids in school are terrible evil people. And now my friends are either dead, a creep or my dad! How fucked up is that? I just want to go back to Sunday when everything was fine. But nothings fine now and its all fucked and Steve’s right!”

Your rant is punctuated by collapsing back into your dad’s chest. You continue sobbing, wetting the front of his shirt. He holds your head and lets out a string of whispered comforts, “You’re okay. It’ll be okay. We’ll figure it out. Shh shh shh. Just breathe…there you go”

His rhythmic breathing is a balm to you, and you feel your blinks lasting longer and longer. The record ends and he rises to his feet, pulling you with him. Your feet drag as you lean on him. He leads you to your bedroom and lays you down on the bed, removing your sneakers. He lifts the blanket over you and tucks you in, something he hasn’t done since you were twelve. 

You relieve your heavy eyelids and welcome the darkness. He turns off the lamp and you hear a gentle whisper of “Good night buddy” before sleep takes its hold on you. 

Next Chapter

taglist: @ucannotcompare

[goodlucktai]

tagged by @bobtheacorn like...... 3 weeks ago 😭 my bad

1. How many works do you have on AO3?

283

2. What's your total AO3 word count?

1,353,670

which seems.......excessive

3. What fandoms do you write for?

actively, one piece and tmnt, but that is ruled by the demons in my brain that control the hyperfixation machine.

fandoms ive posted 3 or more fics for:

Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles Natsume Yuujinchou | Natsume's Book of Friends Good Omens Final Fantasy XV Undertale Mumintroll | Moomins Series Harry Potter Young Justice 僕のヒーローアカデミア | Boku no Hero Academia | My Hero Academia 陈情令 | The Untamed King Falls AM Percy Jackson and the Olympians Rise of the Guardians Voltron: Legendary Defender

4. Top five fics by kudos?

Exclusivity - 11,116

walk straight through hell with a smile - 9,152

Inanition - 9,039

there is thunder in our hearts - 8,161

trouble is a friend of mine - 7,842

5. Do you respond to comments?

i do try to but i can't always :'( and i feel terrible if i manage to reply to most and then forget someone and only realize it months later. but i read every single comment and i appreciate them more than i have words for

6. What is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

i tend to veer away from angst, but off the top of my head....

where the good men go or if i go i'm going on fire

7. What's the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

99% of my fics have a happy ending because thats my BRAND but i suppose give me something that'll haunt me when you're not around or the weekend we were in love OR put your empty hands in mine

8. Do you get hate on fics?

not often, but i recently had someone who REALLY disliked the way things change because i 'villainized' raph. which is definitely news to me, since raphael is the love of my life

9. Do you write smut?

nope

10. Craziest crossover?

i wrote a tmnt/one piece crossover once ? but now that we are actually getting a tmnt/naruto idw run it doesnt feel that weird to me anymore

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

only once if i'm remembering right ?? it was a long time ago and wattpad related, which is a site that i dont really understand and therefore tend to avoid

12. Have you ever had a fic translated?

yes ! i'll often have people request to translate my stories and it blows me away every time

13. Have you ever co-written a fic before?

Devil took your hand was written by myself and @moogsthewriter

14. All time favourite ship?

ineffable husbands, wangxian, or leosagi

15. What's a WIP you want to finish but doubt you ever will?

how much time do you have 😭

16. What are your writing strengths?

i want to say characterization and narrative voice. i'm also pretty good at maintaining a throughline, even if it sometimes gets a little wobbly

17. What are your writing weaknesses?

conflict ! i hate it ! i will avoid writing it at all costs ! i also tend to struggle with writing fight scenes, especially when there are several characters involved :') staging any kind of choreography is my opp

18. Thoughts on dialogue in another language?

i try not to but if it feels unavoidable i google the heck out of it

19. First fandom you wrote in?

honestly it was either digimon (which also inspired my og penname) or xiaolin showdown lol

20. Favourite fic you've written?

i'm stealing bob's idea and going top 5:

there is thunder in our hearts - this story came together so easily for me, like i knew exactly how i wanted to tell it from start to finish

the only hoax i believe in - a kfam fic in my top 5s why yes and i'll tell you why. because i poured so much of myself into this fic that they could probably read it at my funeral instead of a eulogy

traveling so far to get there - after party au raph and mikey continue to take up so much real estate in my brain and for what

now the darkness comes alive - this one is more recent but im so happy with the way it turned out :')

if we could stay all day in the sun - it was a lot of fun reimagining one of my favorite fairy tales and doing a bunch of unnecessary research for this story i will stand by it until the day i die !!

i'm tagging @mykimouser, @owletstarlet, @portgas-d-aroace, @mad4turtles, @camsthisky, @remedyturtles, @pickledcarrotsandradish, @swordsmans, @mangogreent, and anyone else who wants to !

[accidentalspaceexplorer]

2024 in Reading:

Last year, I read a lot, more than I have any year for the last 10 years. By my count (which includes DNFs) I read 233, of which 30 were re-reads and 16 were DNFs. This is the first year I've tracked my reading where I broke 200, which is really wild to think about.

Ultimately, I had a really good reading year too. I found a lot of books I loved (I had 41 5-star reads) and DNF'd a relatively small proportion. My average rating was 4.13, which was the highest it's been since 2021.

I read a bunch of amazing series: I caught up on the October Daye books, reading 14 books in less than a month because I was desperate to know what happened next; I read all of the Greenwing & Dart books by Victoria Goddard and fell in love with Jemis & his adventures; I read the science-fantasy Innkeeper series by Ilona Andrews and got caught up in the worldbuilding; and finally the Evander Mills mystery series, which paints such a vivid picture of queer life in San Francisco in the 50s.

Some other miscellaneous facts:

Fully 3/4 of the authors I read from were women

Almost half of my reads were sequels (45%)

Over half of my reads were >5 years old (56%)

I read my first horror book in over 5 years (I didn't like it lol)

How did I do on my goals? Not great. I did not succeed at reading down the number of series I have ongoing that I haven't caught up on (I added three more than I removed this year). I did not succeed at reading down my TBR, I only managed to bring down the number two or three months out of the year, and it ballooned by a couple hundred early on. I did manage to read a chunk of the backlist titles from favorite authors I have outstanding (34/220) but as you can see there are still a lot left. I'm doing better on award winners, of which I read 13. That means I'm up to 142/203, which is honestly pretty good! I'm happy with that. Finally, I'm still plugging away at my old top-of-TBR list, of which I read 6 this year. I'm down to 206 of them, so the end is absolutely not anywhere close to in sight. Someday, maybe, just like everything else, this list will no longer haunt me.

Overall, though, I had a wonderful reading year, and as I think it's likely I'll be escaping into fiction to avoid the real world this upcoming year, I'm hoping for another good one in 2025.

[ninja-muse]

2023 Reading Wrap-up

I feel like this year was pretty average in terms of my reading. Some great books, some awful books, a lot of books in the middle. And while I feel as if I kept hitting slumps, I don’t think my stats really reflect that. I kept reading and even though I didn’t hit my goal of 140 books, that’s more because I read more thick and dense books, spent more time writing, and am one year further from the direness of 2020 and 2021.

This also seems to have been the year of T. Kingfisher for me (and also Ursula Vernon). I read several of her horror novels, as well as Digger and a bunch of the ebooks she makes free for patrons, which are really easy go-tos when you want something light and right now. I was kind of surprised when I realized she was my top author because usually that’s Seanan McGuire.

And I read more ebooks in general, because why should I wait for two months for the library to get a physical book in circulation when I can wait two weeks for it to come in on Libby? I’m still trying to reserve Libby use for lighter, faster, less involved books, because I tend to end up skimming a little more and there’s something about physical paper that helps me retain info better when the text is dense.

Now, stats! Yearly total: 128, excluding rereads and picture books Queer books: 44 (34%) Authors of colour: 15 (11.7%) Books by women: 74.5 (58%) Authors outside the binary: 7.5 (5.8%) Canadian authors: 14 (10.9%) Off the TBR shelves: 39 (30.4%) Books hauled: 41 ARCs acquired: 57 ARCs unhauled: 60 DNFs: 9 Rereads: 3 Picture Books: 6

If you look at last year’s stats and the year before’s, I’m pretty much holding steady in terms of my diverse reading—a little more than a third queer, about 60% female and 10% Canadian, around 6% gender-diverse authors. I’m way down on authors of colour though, and I didn’t hit my stretch goal of 20 Canadians, so those are things I’ll have to pay attention to in the year to come. It would be nice if I could manage more queer books too, but that’s not something I’m going to try for quite as much.

Two of my reading goals for the year were to read more books from my TBR than I acquired, and to keep my ARC levels about even. Seems like I pretty much hit them! I expect that 2024 will see fewer book acquisitions because a lot of my 2023 haul was bookstore visits with my dad and we’ve now hit pretty much every store in the city. I was honestly kind of surprised that my ARC problem stands where it does. I was so sure that I was going to have at least 10 more incoming books than outgoing. Go me! My spring ARC purge really, really helped.

I did all right on the rest of my reading goals. All but one book read (The Great Cat Massacre), which was the real point of the list! I only managed to finish one StoryGraph challenge, if you don’t count my pages goal, and as always I failed to read as many classics as I wanted. I’m starting to suspect I’m not a classics person, despite my interest in history and historical fiction. If anyone has classics recs for me, let me know?

To be completely honest, though, I'm not sure I'm going to continue posting to Tumblr. I pretty much stopped updating my feed in the summer and I've felt more relaxed, both in terms of Things To Do Each Day but also in terms of my reading. When I was more active on here, I felt pressured to read diversely at all times and though I try to have a healthy spread of perspectives, I know that I generally don't and am therefore a bad person by Tumblr standards. I am curious what my mutuals have been getting up to this year so please, sound off! And let me know if you do want to see reviews and wrap-ups continue here.

(Friendly reminder that I'm ninjamuse on Storygraph and LibraryThing, if you'd like to follow me there.)

And if anyone’s interested, here are the rest of my year’s highlights:

Top Five Fiction (not ranked)

The Hollow Places - T. Kingfisher

Menewood - Nicola Griffith

Bookshops and Bonedust - Travis Baldree

A Half-Built Garden - Ruthanna Emrys

The Adventures of Amina Al-Sirafi - Shannon Chakraborty

Top Five Non-Fiction (not ranked)

Magisteria - Nicholas Spencer

Diary of a Misfit - Casey Parks

Evidence of Things Seen - Sarah Weinman, editor

Lay Them to Rest - Laurah Norton

Like Every Form of Love - Padma Viswanathan

Most Impressed By:

Shubeik Lubeik - Deena Mohamed

Diary of a Misfit - Casey Parks

The Hands of the Emperor by Victoria Goddard

A Half-Built Garden - Ruthanna Emrys

Most Disappointing:

Tortilla Flat - John Steinbeck

British Columbiana - Josie Teed

A Killing in Costumes - Zac Bissonette

Tauhou - Kōtuku Titihuia Nuttall

Longest Book: The Hands of the Emperor - Victoria Goddard

Best queer book: Diary of a Misfit - Casey Parks

Did I beat 2022? No. Did I beat my Best Year Ever? No. That would be 2021. Did I read more classics? Not even close. Did I read more Canadians? No. I held about steady. Did I whittle my TBR shelves down any? No. Was it a good reading year? Probably about average?

Breakdowns by month:

January February March April May June July August September October November December

[hum-suffer]

Didi Didi chp 6 kab ???

Arre shit, likh ke post karna hi bhul gayi 😭😭🖐🏻 I'm sorry

Of course, you'll hurt me 6 (Rajneeti)

Meeting Prithvi and Samar for the shopping is the first thing on her agenda and it's overwhelming.

Samar is wearing a white button up with a blazer and jeans, and Amrita remembers a time where he exclusively used to wear white t-shirts and white shoes on every Friday.

(On an impulse, she glances down. He's wearing white shoes. It's Friday.)

Prithvi is buzzing with energy, despite the hellish PR yesterday. To be seen with his kid brother, buying something for him, is a double edged sword. Some will claim how emotional must Prithvi be, so caring for his baby brother, with whom he's had to bear a separation for years. Samar's soft demeanor only helps in that narrative. Others, they will subject them to scorn for buying a luxury end product with the government salary.

Amrita sits in the front seat with Harsh while the brothers sit at the back, reading through the online opinions on Prithvi. It seems to be the general consensus that he's a bit arrogant but most people seem to think the arrogance suits him. Thankfully, Amrita has been able to mitigate the damage from yesterday to a minimum by spreading some "leaked" talks about Prithvi refusing any more grants than necessary and earning by his investments in several business and how he uses his government salary for charity every month.

Prithvi talks about some dream he saw last night, something about having an arranged marriage and he feverently shakes his head. "It was honestly a nightmare, Chhote. Why would I ever marry someone I don't like?"

"It's not that bad," Samar says, shrugging,"Mom and dad had an arranged marriage."

Prithvi rolls his eyes. "And look how that turned out. I want happiness and love in my marriage, not silent support and political gain."

Amrita clears her throat and gets out of the car as soon as Harsh parks the car, feeling strangely suffocated. Amrita doesn't care what happens to her, really, she can even live the rest of her life between books, following Prithvi and his heir and making sure that the party prospers. But she'd rather die alone and lonely then marry someone only to have an marriage like her parents.

Dev will never be forced to marry anyone he doesn't like, she vows to herself. Hell, she won't even insist him to marry if he wishes to remain a bachelor.

No fate is worse than being unloved so wholly.

She sees Samar stare at her with a look that she can't decipher but she ignores it, walking into the store with Abhinav, another security guard of Prithvi's. It's only after talking to the manager to provide Prithvi and Samar with privacy as well as the best possible suggestions that she leaves, wandering to where Prithvi and Samar are already browsing.

"Whatever you buy, leave a 10% tip for the manager," she advices Prithvi, not looking at Samar. "It's for your reputation."

Prithvi pulls her closer and winds an arm around her shoulders,"Chhodo yaar ye sab reputation. You're always making me do things for the public opinion."

"Because you keep ruining the public's opinion of you," she says back breezily. "I've got to make some calls to the creative team, you two continue with this."

She's about to turn and leave when she feels a brush of fingers against her arm. She looks back at Samar in question.

He freezes, like he didn't expect her to react to his touch. "Maybe you could buy a watch, too? If only you want one, Amu."

She shakes her head and holds up her phone. "I don't need a watch to know the time. Thanks."

Amrita walks away quickly before she can be held again, calling Archie. "Hi, my favourite reporter."

"Hello, my least favourite person."

"Harsh."

"You deserve it for threatening me."

"Technically," Amrita says,"I just threatened your career. And I gave you better news, didn't I? I did hear something about an incentive."

Archie laughs,"You're such a bitch. Go on. What do you want?"

"I'm going to need to meet you to give you some more information about Vijaynath's party. Very interesting information." She's already cleared it with Mamaji. They've both talked about it and they both know that sacrificing some people from the other party is the only way they'll change the topic for now. Offense is the best defence and all that.

Archie is silent for a while. Finally, he says,"Meet me at Surya palace today. 1 pm. Let's have lunch together."

"It's on me." She says, knowing that this small investment will go a long way. And really, it's not her money she'll be using. She's going to take Prithvi's card.

Archie huffs."I'll make sure to order the most expensive wine, then."

"I'm not your sugar mommy, no matter how badly you need one. And dress fucking well, if you wear garish clothes, I'll pour coffee on you." Amrita says, turning around to check on the brothers while jotting down the time and place on the palm of her hand.

Both of the brothers seem to have overheard her and Samar seems awkward like he always is, and Prithvi has raised his eyebrows.

Archie says something and cuts the call.

"Not a word, Prithvi bhaiya. Not a word." She threatens him, grabbing a bottle of water.

Prithvi shrugs. "I'm just saying, you're always talking about how I shouldn't spend time with Sharma."

"I'm not going to fuck him." She deadpans at him, ignoring the way a dark look passes over Samar's rigid eyes.

Prithvi turns back to the watches on display. "Yes, yes, that's why you were dictating what he should wear."

Amrita walks over towards them and stands beside Samar, completely ignoring him and looking over his back at Prithvi. "When I'm fucking someone, the world will know it. I don't do secret affection."

"Who says you need affection for that?"

"Who says I won't punch you for saying all this? Ever heard of the HR department?"

Prithvi smirks. "You're my little sister, you wouldn't complain."

Amrita rolls her eyes and looks back at the watches that Samar has selected, almost all of them have a round dial. But the one he has in his hand currently has a square dial. It's completely black with subtle golden accents. Amrita can't help but think that it matches the watch she's currently wearing.

She shakes the thoughts off and steps away. "I'm going to get tea for myself. You two want anything?"

»»»»»»»»»»»»»»»»»»»»»»»»»»»»»»»»»»»»»»»»»»»»»»

Most days, Samar struggles to maintain the shimmer of darkness that dances under the surface of his skin. It's always threatening to become into a forest fire.

The moment he overhears Amrita talk to some guy with such authority, his blood is swirling with need to talk to her and ruin the man if need be. He wants to be the one she has such rights over. She should dictate what he should do, not some random reporter.

Amrita claims she's not interested in the guy, and Samar swallowing subtly, swallowing the poisonous words back into his throat. She tells them she won't do silence affection and meaningless relations, and he feels something pierce and soothe his heart at the same time.

Amrita has always been loyal to a fault. Samar has known since they were teens that she will not be one casual relationships, not ever.

And yet, the words soothe his heart. He still knows her. She is still the same woman he knew, but she is also so much more.

She excuses herself to get tea and he sees Prithvi bhaiya shake his head and chuckle.

"She'll really hit you someday," Samar tells his brother in a half joke.

Prithvi bhaiya laughs and shakes his head. "Nah, she won't. And anyways, I could deduct from her salary if she hits me."

Samar raises his eyebrows. "Maa would buy her a gold medal if she can corral you into behaving, even if she has to use violence for it."

Prithvi bhaiya pouts at him mockingly. "You people have no respect for me. It's blasphemy."

"I don't think you're using that word correctly."

"Now you'll contradict your brother too?!"

Samar laughs at his dramatic brother and chooses the watch that matches Amrita's watch.

(He'd gifted her that watch, ten years ago. He's surprised to still find it on her wrist. He wonders what happened to the other gifts he bought her over the years on her birthdays. He stops himself from wondering what happened to that jean jacket she was wearing on the day he—)

Samar clears his throat and fiddles with his phone while Prithvi bhaiya pays for the watch. The background wallpaper on his phone is of Amrita, wearing his sunglasses. Prithvi bhaiya sent it to him yesterday, and he hasn't been able to take his eyes off.

When they walk out of the store with a new watch on his wrist, Samar sees Amrita's eyes dart down to his wrist and her grip tightens just so on the tea glass.

They wordlessly get back in the car.

»»»»»»»»»»»»»»»»»»»»»»»»»»»»»»»»»»»»»»»»»»»»»»

Samar gets to tag along to the meeting with Mr. Bajaj, because Prithvi and him had incessantly fought over what to eat. Prithvi wanted something spicy and Samar was craving something sweet.

Amrita was firmly in Prithvi's camp— she hated sweets and especially sweets so early in the morning just sounded horrible. Still, to maintain even a facade of professionalism, Amrita had refrained from taking any sides and had texted Dev instead.

That little shit was texting back in the middle of class, claiming that he hated the class because the subject was so boring. Amrita wanted to whack him over the head for being so overconfident.

However, now, sitting in Mr. Bajaj's office, Amrita wishes she was back in college and she could bunk this particular class. The day is beautiful, and she doesn't want to start it off by talking about politics and the implications of several PR moves.

Prithvi is the perfect son-figure to Mr. Bajaj. Extremely polite, unfailingly indulging and funny, and listening to his every word. Mr. Bajaj already seems besotted. If nothing else, Amrita knows that Prithvi is a good showman. He knows how to control his audience.

Amrita sits at the corner sofa, with Ritik, noting down the minutes of the meeting. Its tiring to keep with them, but the hour is well spent when they get up and Mr. Bajaj has a promise of a cheque ready on Prithvi's name for the near future.

"Thank you, Mr. Bajaj," she says, smiling widely at him. "I still apologise for the sudden rescheduling and I hope you're satisfied with the bargain between our collective powers."

Mr. Bajaj, a man who looks like every average Indian father, smiles genially at her and tells her,"The pleasure is all mine, Ms. Arya. Prithvi Babu is the icon of our future. He is fit to govern. I and Shiv Incorporation will always be here to assist in any way we can."

Prithvi and Samar talk pleasantly with Mr. Bajaj and Amrita turns to Ritik with a tired smile. Ritik frowns at her slightly. "Please, don't mind me saying this, but you don't look like you're particularly enjoying yourself."

Amrita raises her eyebrows and shrugs,"You have some courage, I'll give you that. And really, who actually ever enjoys meetings?"

"That's why I usually arrange meetings for Mr. Bajaj at meals!" He says,"At least I can fuck off to eat while he talks."

Amrita hums at him, absent-mindedly and gathers her purse with her as she stands up. "Next time, I'll keep that in mind."

As they're walking out of the building, Amrita spots Indu standing at the gates, leaning against her car with her arms crossed over her chest.

She risks a look at Samar and realises it's time. She'll become a choice for him again.

[the-whispers-of-death]

So I did get asked to expand more on the version of Stone who has a daughter and I'm a man who jumps on the first opportunity he gets to talk about his different AUs (someone please let me know if you all want to know about the AU where Stone still gets lent to the 141 but was previously in a squad called The Tigers, I don't care that it would make my OCs' count be 10 OCs,)

Anyways, so as previously stated in the dilf!reader post, this version of Stone got pregnant at sixteen because that's when he got kicked out by his father. So he gets kicked out on his sixteenth birthday, in November, and so he's in North Carolina now and he's living on the streets. (This is obviously before he transitions, since he does that when he enlists in the U.S. Navy two years later.)

He luckily manages to get a spot in the local youth homeless shelter and he spent quite a while there, and that's how he met the other dad. They were both sixteen, both kicked out and struggling to survive. It's important to note that Stone had barely any sex education due to previously being isolated and home-schooled by his father, so that's how he ended up getting pregnant because he didn't know any better.

The boy who impregnates him leaves the youth shelter before Stone finds out that he's pregnant and they never meet up again, because Stone was like "Why tell him something that would change his entire worldview?" And originally, Stone plans on putting his daughter up for adoption when she's born, because at this point in time he's planning to enlist in the U.S. Navy when he will turn seventeen.

But then he sees his daughter on the ultrasound and he just can't give her up, and he's now living in a Catholic church because a priest had taken him in when a staff of the youth shelter told said priest that Stone had gotten pregnant. The priest promises that the church will help him raise the child and so Stone keeps his daughter.

Flash-forward about nine months and Stone gives birth to his daughter, who he names Saira after his mother because while she did abandon him, the very few memories he has of her are better than the numerous memories he has of his father. He'll never admit this to anyone but Saira, but he cried for the first time in years (and honestly the only time after that) when he held her tiny baby form in his arms.

Stone and Saira both spend her first year of life in the church, due to the fact that Stone can't enlist in the U.S. Navy at seventeen because of there being no record of him having any education. So he's not only taking care of a child, he's also on a program that will give him his education so he can enlist when he's eighteen.

We're just going to condense everything that happens after he gets enlisted in the U.S. Navy because that's sixteen years. Saira grows up like any military brat, always on bases and in foreign countries. Despite how her father grew up, Stone made sure to give her as much freedom as he could while also making sure she was safe. He was heavy on making sure she grew up differently than how he did, so while he couldn't really express his emotions well, she knew he loved her.

He learned how to ride a bike so he could then teach her how to, he filled his entire house with children's books when she was younger, so he could read with her and help her improve on her reading comprehension (he refused to let her potentially be bullied about not being smart). He was so soft with her, kissing every boo-boo she got (every soldier who saw him do that was jealous because they wanted to get the same treatment when they were injured but they instead got his roughness) and he made sure she never got touch-starved.

Also in this AU, Kali spends way more time with Stone since he's Auntie Ashok here (though Saira tries several times over the years to set up her father and Kali) and he's part of the reason Saira knows how to smile and laugh (because poor Stone, even in this AU he can't manage to figure out to smile). He was the cool and fun uncle, helping Stone with anything he could help with.

And by the time Stone gets lent to the 141, she's about to be seventeen, obviously able to follow Stone to where the SAS base the 141 works out of, staying with an old Marine friend Stone served with who has a daughter Saira's age while Stone works. She's a senior and about to go to prom, which scares Stone so much because where did the time go by???

[jasper-book-stash]

March 2024 Reading Wrap Up

I got bronchitis and my period at the same time in March, and then spilled tea on my computer, so March was a very stressful time for me. Regardless, I managed to read 10 books! And honestly, overall, this is one of the better months - the lowest I've ranked a book is 6/10, which is damn good considering the absolute bullshit I usually read.

Religious Text

None applicable.

1/10 - Why Did They Publish This?

None applicable.

2/10 - Trash

None applicable.

3/10 - Meh

None applicable.

4 to 6/10 - Mid-Tier

Tomb Sweeping | Alexandra Chang

I read this book while sick. And boy howdy, did that make it a weird experience. I get what it was going for, but it really wasn't my vibe. It just felt like everything was...unfinished. Which was the point, I suppose, but it was still annoying.

7 to 8/10 - Good With Caveats

What the Bible Really Says about Homosexuality | Daniel A Helminiak

This is a very short book compared to my usual reads, topping at 152 pages. And I appreciate a book that gets straight to the point and analyzes the historical context around various works, particularly religious works. Good job. My only complaint is some editing issues.

Born to Love, Cursed to Feel | Samantha King

This was a poetry collection and was the only other book I read while sick, and boy howdy did I have a time of it. I spent most of the reading just...putting post-it notes in and nodding along to the lines. It was a surprisingly good book, considering I found it in the back alley version of a book store.

Southern Cunning: Folkloric Witchcraft in the American South | Aaron Oberon

Look. This is not a 101 book. It's not a 102 book. It's not even a 201 book. It simply is. And as much as I enjoyed it and enjoyed reading it, the fact that I spent most of my reading time fixing the editing means that I cannot, in good faith, put this any higher than an 8 out of 10. Dear Aaron Oberon, if you ever read this, PLEASE give me access to the original file so I can fix your punctuation and spelling mistakes. Sincerely, a fellow Southerner.

9/10 - Very Very Good

Snow White with the Red Hair, volumes 21-23 | Sorata Akiduki

I am still so fucking feral over this series. I love them so fucking much. I want them all to be happy but I also like seeing their shenanigans. Unfortunately, though we're at 26 published volumes, we've reached the end of the ones in Missouri Evergreen that I may access. I'll either have to wait and hope that someone gets them, or I'll have to bite the bullet and buy them myself.

Not Pounded By Anything: Six Platonic Tales Of Non-Sexual Encounters | Chuck Tingle

This is my first expedition into the erotic Tingleverse after reading some pieces of the horror Tingleverse in Straight and Camp Damascus. And I really, really like this book. It's 77 pages and is such an easy read. Godspeed, you glorious bastard.

10/10 - Unironically Recommend To Everyone

Well, everyone who's into the genre these fall under, at least.

Writing Fiction: A Guide to Narrative Craft, tenth edition | Janet Burroway

I found this in the free section of a bookstore in the middle of nowhere, and let me tell you, it is now marked up one side and down the other with highlighter, because I needed it. There are so many good parts of this book that it's genuinely one I would recommend to people who are trying to figure out why their writing feels flat.

Sacred Gender: Create Trans and Nonbinary Spiritual Connections | Ariana Serpentine

First, I want to congratulate the author on what is possibly the coolest name ever.

Second, if you're an occultist, polytheist, witch, magic practitioner, or in any other way affiliated with things beyond or within mortal ken...get this book. It's making me rethink a lot of my own experiences with my craft and my religion, but in a good way.

[bloodmaarked]

land of milk and honey // c pam zhang

first published: 2023 read: 03 november 2024 - 10 november 2024 pages: 232 format: paperback

genres: fiction; adult; literary fiction; speculative fiction; food favourite character(s): it's the way i didn't care for anyone least favourite character(s): the (unnamed) main character

rating: 🌕🌕🌗🌑🌑 thoughts: first of all, sorry to r.f. kuang who convinced me to pick up land of milk and honey when, at her talk in london last month, she recommended books by east asian authors that she'd recently read and love. my good sis led me astray - she made it sound way more interesting than it was! i buddy read this with my sister (who had this on her tbr for different reasons) and it's fair to say that despite our different reading tastes, we both realised fairly quickly that this book was not for us.

i had quite high hopes in the beginning. the idea that a chef gets caught up in among the rich and elite who are escaping a smog that is killing the world's plants and animals (and therefore, the world's food supplies) sounds really interesting. i feel that kuang leaned into the dystopian vibe a little when she described it, and honestly i would've liked to read the book she described much more than what we actually got. instead, it was a book mostly centred around an anonymous chef who compromises her ethics, sleeps with her employer's daughter, and "cooks" weird foods - all told in the dullest way possible. the writing style was somehow both pretentious and bland, and gave me nothing to work with. if there had been a crumb of excitement in the writing of the food, i might have at least found enjoyment in visualising the delicious meals, but that was lacking too. the themes the author wanted to discuss were there (in their most simplistic form i fear), yet i honestly came away feeling like the book had nothing to say.

the three main characters - the chef, her employer (both unnamed), and the employer's daughter Aida, were all dull dull dull. at first i found it quite intriguing that the main character was a mostly blank slate, but actually i feel like i could've done with more info, to give me something to invest in. all three characters were unlikeable on top of being boring, and i truly didn't care what happened to any of them in the end.

what i'm most thankful about is that this book was short, but i'm shocked that the story managed to feel so dragged out. i really had to force myself to pick it up and get it over with. i can't recommend this because i have no idea who this would work for.

[un-officialbookreviews]

Thirteen Storeys by Jonathan Sims

Rating: 9/10

Initial Thoughts: I loved this book. It was thrilling and it kept me invested. It's managed to keep the same style that pervaded all of Jonathan's previous work of The Magnus Archives and yet still stands out on it's own. It is an amazing book.

Time to read: 2 1/2 months. Admittedly this is because I just struggle with POV changing books and get constantly thrown out due to that.

Recommended for: Fans of The Magnus Archives, horror fans in general, fans of the supernatural genre, and fans of slow burn books.

Not Recommended for: People who don't like shifting POV's, being unable to truly know the characters, horror genre, and stories with an anti-capitalist message.

Spoilers ahead-

Overview: Thirteen Storeys takes place in the location of Banyan Court, an apartment complex in London. It goes in depth about the deep crevices within this complex and through the personal accounts of twelve people we get a good look at just how deeply haunted this place is. From a plumber to a door guard, to a minimum wage worker, to the richest of the rich, this story takes the perspectives of everyone and just how deeply hidden the rot is within society.

Analysis: While I've seen a couple people upset at not getting to know the characters more than the skim we get with every chapter, I think that was the point. We aren't meant to get completely attached to these people. In fact, I'd go so far as to say that Banyan Court is our main character, as it is this place that we get to know and view as alive as the story goes onward.

Something I loved about this book is the attention to the very fact that it doesn't matter who is involved, the rich, the poor, the adults, the children, and everyone else in-between. No one is safe from the constant corruption. And sure, it's an anti-capitalist story, but that doesn't mean it isn't the end of the world. It truly encapsulates the horror of the real world.

Honestly the twist at the end wasn't all that unexpected if you paid attention to it. How cruel Tobias Fell truly was, what the ghosts haunting everyone represented, it felt personal, in a sense. And all the more real just how desperate this old decrepit man was in escaping his own horrors.

[onlygenxhere]

20 questions for writers

Tagged by @floating-in-the-blue. Thanks friend!

1. How many works do you have on AO3?

42

2. What’s your total AO3 word count?

526,945

3. What fandoms do you write for?

Julie and the Phantoms and one Teen Wolf

4. What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

1. Falling Toward the Future(264)

2. Julie and Luke’s Book of Dares(257)

3. Burn Baby Burn(159)

4. A Bigger Table(149)

5. Eat the Chips(145)

Falling Toward the Future was my first long fic in the jatp fandom. It’s a college AU that pulls from my own college experiences. I made the plan for it as I went along and learned a lot about what I like about writing and that I should have planned better before I started. It was still a lot of fun and I will always look back on those six-ish months fondly.

Julie and Luke’s Book of Dares was my second long fic I just finished in January. I wrote quite a bit of it before I started posting and this was my version of Dash and Lilly’s Book of Dares with the jatp characters so I had that to go by as far as plot goes and I think I kept to that as closely as I could with these characters.

Burn Baby Burn is the 6th story in the Found Family Fluff series and my first attempt at “sexual content” It’s Julie and Luke making out in a hammock. Very little dialogue. I was so nervous about posting this at the time. I’ve written WAY more explicit things since.

A Bigger Table is the 2nd story in the Found Family Fluff series and was inspired by buying a new dining room table and wishing I had four ghost boys to carry it in the house. It’s told from Ray’s pov.

Eat the Chips was my very first fic in the Jatp fandom and the smallest word count at only 752. This little series is the only “cannon” one with the boys still ghosts and still seems to be a fan favorite even though the series is pretty much done in my eyes. But never say never, ya know.

5. Do you respond to comments?

Yes

6. What is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

I don’t really do sad/angsty endings. But the saddest/angstiest fic overall I’ve written would have to be As Long as We Have Each Other. It’s a miscarriage fic and I cry every time I read it but it’s got a happy ending.

7. What’s the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

Everything has a happy ending. I honestly can’t pick.

8. Do you get hate on fics?

Never any hate. A few “I didn’t like that thing.”

9. Do you write smut? If so, what kind?

Yes. It’s mostly M/F. One M/F/M (Rukebox) and I have a M/M (Willex) coming at some point.

10. Do you write crossovers?

I have not but if I ever had a good idea I certainly would.

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

Not to my knowledge.

12. Have you ever had a fic translated?

Also not to my knowledge, and I’d hope someone would tell me/ask me if they did that.

13. Have you ever co-written a fic before?

I haven’t although that would be fun.

14. What’s your all-time favorite ship?

I mean I’m going with ships I’ve written and say Julie/Luke and I used to run a Willow/Oz website back in the day.

15. What’s a WIP you want to finish but doubt you will?

Never say never but I’ve got a couple that aren’t really talking to me anymore. A Peterpatterlina one where Julie and Luke start secretly “dating” although everyone knows but both of them are feeling guilty about it because of Reggie. I just don’t know where it’s going so there it sits.

Then I have another Juke meet in a different time period like my Royality Maybe I Could Be Yours which is 90% smut but the idea that they were always meant to be together came up when I was writing it and I thought maybe it could be a series. We’ll see…

16. What are your writing strengths?

I hate these questions. I don’t know. Even in job interviews I never know how to answer this because what I think I’m good at others may think I’m shit at. I will say the parts I LIKE are coming up with funny lines or heartbreaking lines. Also a really good visual where I’ve managed to describe the scene exactly how it is in my head. Doesn’t happen as often as I’d like but sometimes I’ll get a comment that “saw” what I was trying to show and it just makes me so happy.

17. What are your writing weaknesses?

Punctuation, hands down. (and spelling but word helps with that) It’s definitely better the more I’ve been writing but woof, I am not naturally good at it.

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language in fic?

As long as it’s not too much. Especially in the jatp verse there should be a little Spanish here and there but I’m not a native speaker so I use it sparingly.

19. First fandom you wrote for?

Buffy the Vampire Slayer

20. Favorite fic you’ve written?

My favorite is almost always the one I’m currently working on so it’s the new series. The Miraculous Files of Mariposaport, Main(by Luke Patterson S.E.O.)

So it's the first fic in that series, It’s the End of the World as We Know It.

No pressure tagging, @wishfulstargazer, @writerownstory, @jackoneillistheman, and @jmrothwell

[linaket]

Monthly Writing Update (February)

A slow January led to... a crazy quick February. I can't even believe its over, and I definitely dragged in my writing this month. Honestly, even sitting here all I have is a vague sense of what even happened this month.

I was promoted at work right at the beginning of the month, and spent a lot of time stressing over the drama and dynamics around that change this month. It even changed my shift schedule. I was working four days a week, ten hour shifts, and able to set aside an entire day for writing a week. My new position doesn't allow for that schedule, but while this is the first week in about two years that I'm back to working 5 days a week (and... six in a row on the first week) I spent most of my days off this month once again getting the house in order, and just being a general nervous mess about things...

Books Read

Untethered Sky by Fonda Lee

Jade City and Jade War by Fonda Lee (guess it was a Fonda kinda month?)

Hell Followed With Us by Andrew Joseph White

Four books at least meets the minimum of my (kinda unofficial) reading goal, even though I was pretty lucky this was a leap month because I only just finished Jade War today.

While I'm quite enjoying the Green Bone Saga, I've found something about it doesn't connect with me on a personal level, as a reader. Perhaps it is the POV that it is written in, but I am not getting the emotional connection that I often crave with books that truly sit with me. I'm absolutely going to finish it, and recommend it for anyone who wants to write epic fantasy. But I do think every book can teach a writer something new, and what I've been learning from this one is that I want to be more aware of the emotional stakes of my characters, and making that aspect more active in the narrative.

That being said, Untethered Sky? knocked it out of the park. Likely due in part to it being a novella, so everything was far more condensed. But 12/10 either way.

Writing Accomplishments

Honestly I am fighting the failure feeling just trying to type up this paragraph... basically, I tried to work on the extra for Shadow's Prey but ended up dropping it. I will likely still be aiming to release the ebook, but it will probably just be a very quiet release. It's mostly done and edited, but I don't think I'll be able to include an extra like originally intended. I started working on something, and MT kept singing its siren song and distracting me.

Also, I got art of the boys now! I'm excited to share it, and make some fun things for them.

That said, I did at least manage to finish something...

Favorite Excerpt

Valor told himself that it was better, that Ruse’s consistent prattling and teasing was an irritating distraction. But he couldn’t stop looking over at him. Though Ruse squinted against the brightness of the sun, the gaudy sunglasses hung on the collar of his shirt, stretching the already worn fabric. The bruises on his neck from the confrontation in Petra had faded over the last few days, gone from deep purple to a mottled yellow along the pale column of his throat. It was better that Ruse had gotten quiet. Better that he kept his gaze away, that he wouldn’t look at Valor. Every minute, every moment that Ruse didn’t look at him, didn’t focus his depthless attention on Valor, didn’t say anything, didn’t make a sound, was better because it meant that Valor didn’t have to think about what his hair would feel like between his fingers, what his throat would taste like under his lips. He could ignore the fact that he wanted to drown in Ruse, press his mouth against him and never come up for air. Valor tightened his grip on the steering wheel and went over the plan. Take Ruse into the Graves, retrieve the part for Jarl Nero’s scryer, and trade for information on the location of Noble Marek.  Then he’d find his father, and he’d kill his father. 

On Loop

Abe Parker - it is what it is

You're walking on the water that I'm drowning in Thought I heard a whisper, was it just the wind again Or the trail of blood I'm following? And if I'm the one to blame I guess all that I could say It is, it is, it is what it is All the things I couldn't change I lay with someone else's sins Let my soul just fly away All the way up to Heaven's light I pound those gates with no reply

Final Thoughts

I wish I had done more, and I also wish I could stop being hard on myself about this. It's no good. I am not nearly as hard on myself for not doing what I thought I should as I used to, but that's something really hard to shake, even if it doesn't help anything.

That said, it was a bit of a tough and strange month for me. I felt like I was dragging myself through each day, even dragging myself through reading. And while I did manage to at least finish some writing, I simply did not have the energy for anything more.

Hoping that I get used to this new schedule quickly. My work days feel much shorter now, since I'm used to the longer ones, and I've had more energy after. Also the position I took, while it was a promotion, is less stressful than the one I've been working. At least, so far. We'll see how the month shapes up. I am always far more productive, writing and other things wise, when I'm not carrying the work stress around, so. I'm hoping for the best here.

March Goals

Read 4 books again, and I've got a pretty good idea of what they'll be and excited about it, so at least I won't get struck by some kind of decision paralysis with that.

Release Shadow's Prey: Act 1 ebook! Yeah, it's still on goal for next month, despite that I wish I had it completely ready now. Really, its just final touches and me figuring out some of the technical details that need to be done. And like I said before, it'll probably be a very quiet release. I'll probably make a few posts about it after its up, but mostly its just to get it out there. I'm not really promoting the heck out of this one because, well... it's already tested with audiences. Probably the wrong audience, but it has been tested and it was difficult to get interest/attention, which is a fault of mine. I am NOT GREAT at marketing. And while I'm very happy with and proud of it, I know the work I'll have to do to really draw an audience to it. Especially considering the... not good at marketing thing. I have been researching and keeping an eye out for ideas and being practical about what it takes and what to do, but the task itself takes a lot of energy from me and I simply can't do that in time for a release. But I'm tired of simply sitting on all these books and doing nothing with them.

For Mortal Teeth, I need to finish the next arc. It's actually only two more chapters. This is a bit of a low goal, but I want to make sure I set something that I know I can do without feeling awful. Especially since these were supposed to be done last month.

Maybe a stretch goal of releasing character intros/aesthetics for the MT boys?

[darkbluesky96]

Thank you for the tag @snugsunresplendence!

Were you named after anyone?

No, my dad just wanted to give me a name starting from D. He thought it'd be lucky for me. But the thing is, there's an old movie with the same name, so every person I introduce myself to simply goes, "Oh! Like that movie?" I've always found the name awkward

2. When was the last time you cried?

A few days ago we were celebrating a close friend's birthday, and we were all drunk, talking late into the night. And the discussion turned towards this thing I did a few months ago, and I just started crying from the guilt. (If anyone remembers, this is the same incident I wanted to make an aita post about, but it didn't feel right so I never made it, maybe I should)

3. Do you have kids?

No, but I hope one day I might. I have a few other priorities as of now.

4. What sports do you play/have you played?

I used to play soccer and badminton quite well when I was younger. Loved running and roller skating too. Now, the only extreme sport I do is getting out of bed just in the nick of time to reach my classes on time

5. Do you use sarcasm?

Oh no not at all

6. What's the first thing you notice about people?

Hair and eyes. Mostly eyes.

7. What's your eye colour?

Dark brown

8. Scary movies or happy endings?

I can't stand sad endings, no matter how much I understand why it might be thematically necessary. I'll cry my eyes out and then write my own alternate ending/read a fix-it fic. Other than that, I like scary movies.

9. Any talents?

Overthinking.

Perfect pitch (is that a talent?)

I can bend my little finger all the way backwards- I trained myself from a very small age to help keep that finger flexible, please don't ask, it made sense to 7 year old me. (A friend could bend her fingers backwards and I didn't want to be left behind but I could manage it with only the little finger of my left hand)

10. Where were you born?

In a hospital bed, in my doctor's arms. She's still our family doctor, at least until she retires

11. What are your hobbies?

Music- playing, singing, dancing to it.

Reading fan fiction and writing AU scenarios and book ideas that I don't have time to properly write.

12. Do you have any pets?

Yes, technically my brother has one, called Shiro, absolutely lovely idiot of a dog

13. How tall are you?

Very. (I'm 150 cm)

14. Favourite subjects in school?

I really loved all subjects honestly, very much of a nerd throughout my school life. Though I've always been just a bit partial to Chemistry and History.

15. Dream Job?

Writer who gets paid to travel across the country and talk at people. (Honestly, I just want to write stories and play my music, while teaching in schools to pay the bills- they pay teachers quite well in my dream school)

Tagging @waitingtobebroken, @loveisaprettylie and anyone else who'd like to do it? It's very interesting, thanks for tagging me!

[rabbitholeresearch]

It's Arven's Fault :( : A Theory

When the book was first written, it was by a man named Heath. A man who went on an expedition with an unnamed team and his beloved Cyclizar! There, he met fantastical creatures that we know now as Paradox Pokemon, including a strange-looking Donphan and a creator we only know as the Disc Pokemon. 60 years later, this same man who saw amazing things, is being discredited because what he saw in Area Zero was too fantastical to be real. In the world of Pokemon, someone said, “That’s not real.” Yeah.

Area Zero is a brutal environment that only those with permission can enter due to how dangerous the area is which brings the question Arven: Why is he getting special treatment just cuz his mom and dad are professors? Talk about elitists!

It’s been three months but spoilers for the end of Scarlet/Violet respectively! For all intents and purposes, from this moment on, I will talk about the games through the Scarlet perspective cuz, for me, it’s a lot easier to explain to Paradoxmons this way, but also because I played the game itself. I loved Scarlet and all I can hear when I see Koraidon’s goofy face is the distant sound of its feet slapping against linoleum tiles like an uncoordinated frog.

Okay but seriously, why was Arven given access to Area Zero before the game, and even in post-game? It doesn’t make sense. It’s extremely dangerous to go here. Even if he’s the professor’s kid it doesn’t make sense. What possessed him to go into Area Zero which resulted in Mabosstiff getting severely hurt? And I offer you, his anger.

We will be talking about the final plot line, “A Way Home,” so AGAIN. SPOILERS. Alright, I did it twice now. Moving on.

In the postgame, the professor tasks us with breaking her out of the Zero Lab, which is on lockdown as a safety measure. Remember that. This was a safety thing that started it all. 

Here we are pressing buttons at the four separate research stations with varying journals as well as rest and teleport points for easy access throughout the unmapped Area Zero, which yes does not have a map. It truly is a world of its own in the Great Crater of Paldea. In fact, it was through Area Zero my friends and I discovered you can’t invade each other’s craters in the PokePortal function which honestly made me sad cuz I wanted to catch Mecha-Godzilla and Mecha-Mothra on my own but I did eventually get them in trade.

The journals in these stations tell us a lot about the professor and, thereupon, Arven. At R.S.1, we read:

“We've determined that this energy crystallization is linked to the being we call ▊▊▊▊▊▊.

The interlocking hexagonal plates that comprise ▊▊▊▊▊▊'s shell must somehow cause this phenomenon—which I've dubbed "Terastallizing."

And:

“Thanks to my prototype Tera Orb, I secured corporate funding for my research and made a laboratory in the lighthouse near Cabo Poco.

Someday, though, I'll return to the crater and resume my study of these crystals.”

With these alone, we can determine that Arven is around 6. Why? Because in the game, we learn that Professor Sada had invented Tera Orbs, about 10 years before the game starts!

Arven has grown up alone in the Poco Path Lighthouse Lab for a long time, actually. He even mentions numerous times how his mom is always buried in her work and has no time for him, which is sad considering what we know now. Sorry Arven. Your mom was hot though.

Anyway, we learn in RS4’s journals that not only has she managed to build a highly sophisticated AI but that her partner, “that man”, has left (“not long after “that boy was born.”).

As someone who gets so hyperfocused on tasks that time doesn’t pass normally, not long after Arven was born, could mean frankly anywhere between 2 minutes after birth or 6 years after birth. Either way, Sada is bitter Turo left, leaving a pile of research in this lab in Poco Path alone with her son.

We also learn about an incident where civilians had seen Koraidon’s amazing power and scared a lot of people. The professor made the decision to not only return Koraidon to Area Zero but also bury herself in research to later build an AI and pull in a second Koraidon.

That’s sad. Not like in a mean way, just in general. Of course, the pronouns are altered in Violet, but either way, we get a story of a professor with a broken heart. Aw. Poor professors. Its hard not to sympathize when you realize they were probably really hurt by them leaving the professor alone with a child.

Or what it probably actually was was like her coworker that she occasionally had some…cardio with had quit.

It is noted that Professor Sada, when returning from Area Zero is not seen by Arven until the events of the game. Meaning that the moment Sada took Koraidon back to the crater, Arven hasn’t seen Sada. Meaning the Tera Orbs was the last major event Arven could have been a part of!

But Arven says he grew up with the red lizard. He also has its Pokeball. Its possible the professor saw what will be our Koraidon’s passive nature and decided leaving it out of its Pokeball was fine! In fact, she probably packed her bags and got on her bikemon and sped off saying she was getting milk.

So confirmed. Arven hasn’t seen Sada or Koraidon in 10 years. So what was it that compelled him to go to Area Zero?

“I wanna give my mom a piece of my mind.” GRRRRRR. I’ve got mommy issues and its my only personality trait.

Trust me dude. Using that as your only personality trait will leave you sad and angry. Wait.

Arven tells us later on in his Path of Legends story that Mabosstiff had been hurt after an attack from a rampaging pokemon inside of the crater when he was trying to see his mom. He repeats this sentiment when Penny sees Scream Tail and remarks on how cute it is.

Go back though. He was trying to see his mom. It is confirmed that Arven went into the crater to see his mom. Meaning this: Arven was trying to see his mom which might’ve set off the territorial Koraidon’s instincts.

A stretch? Not so much, actually.

At the beginning of the game we see our box legendary launching up from the clouds of Area Zero before flying over Paldea to show off what our beautiful region that we’re about to explore looks like and I want whatever sandwich he ate to provide infinite flying cuz that would’ve been funny to see in co-op.

After we feed our box a sandwich and get Damsel in Distress style rescued by said lizard, we meet Arven for the first time. And what is the first thing he says upon seeing Koraidon: "What're you doing out here?!"

Arven realizes Koraidon being out here is bad. Like insanely bad. It’s a bad taste in his mouth bad. He remarks how the memories do leave a bad taste in his mouth as well. While yeah, that makes sense, bad memories do leave a sort of bitter taste, but for me, this says more.

Bleh! I remember you as the reason my mom left me alone for ten years!

Bleh! If you hadn’t been taken away, I wouldn’t be emo!

Bleh! If you hadn’t been here, I never would’ve gone into Area Zero to watch my dog get nearly killed and can’t be possibly healed except for these herbs I saw in a book that I just found in my mom’s old lab that I was in just before the player and Nemona walked up.

However, this is countered by Arven saying this after being defeated: "But if you really think you can take Koraidon off my hands for me...you'll need this. It's the Poké Ball that brute's been kept in."

That brute’s been kept in. Wait, does he mean over the last ten years or just in general that’s Koraidon’s pokeball? I don’t think it’s the former. Not because its put a hole in my idea, but because to keep a pokemon stored in a pokeball for so long. We do know that when Pokemon go in, they almost shrink down and become data. Data huh–I might have ideas for a certain Kanto Cryptid–

Moving on. I doubt anyone would keep a pokemon in a pokeball for a decade as Pokemon are confirmed to age within Pokeballs. The only incidents we’ve seen of a pokemon being fine after being confined for so long are Sir Aaron’s Lucario in Lucario and the Mystery of Mew and Spiritomb. And fine? That’s a relative term considering Spiritomb had to be sealed because of its power and Lucario had a panic attack and went into shock when it got out.

So the Professor likely left the Pokeball behind seeing as the book was also left behind. Meaning the Professor left quickly. She just suddenly disappeared until the Player comes to Paldea.

But what does this mean? Based on the timing and the build up: I think Arven is the reason his parents tragically die.

As far as we’re aware, Sada invented AI Sada sometime after Turo left and never reported it as the AI could not physically leave the crater due to the Tera Crystal energy. She even pulled a second Koraidon with the help of her AI partner. She’s been hyperfocused for ten years in Area Zero, likely living off the environment within. This isn't to say our professor is forgiven for her actions.

She was in Research Station 4 when the more aggressive Koraidon attacked Our Koraidon. 

Just before Paradise Protection Protocol takes control of the AI professor, the AI actually apologizes to Arven.

On top of that, when AI professor sends us to Area Zero at the end of the Path of Legends quest, we learn from Arven he used to come here to play all the time as a kid. Meaning, he was likely being watched by Director Clavell or even Jacq, which would probably give a realistic explanation as to why he’s allowed into Area Zero. They gave him access because they believe Arven is old enough to know how to care for himself enough to survive and give him too much credit for being the professor’s kid.

Not only that but when we explore Area Zero with Arven, he’s surprised by all the research stations. Meaning, he never went in but he does offer that he was attacked somewhere between RS1/2. Because of the location it was at, for the games, I think he was attacked by either Sliver Wing or Sandy Shocks in Scarlet and Iron Moth or Thorns in Violet. However, given that Sandy Shocks is Electric/Ground, I’d say it was Slither Wings for Scarlet! As for violet, the options for that area between the research stations are highly limited so let me know down below which Paradox you think Arven faced the first time, because spoilers, its not the Donphans and its not the Scream Tail/Iron Bundle! He would’ve reacted to them if he had.

Mabosstiff gets hurt, hurt enough that no potions or Nurse Delphine’s can help it. I’d say blood could’ve been drawn, given that Mabosstiff can’t even stand when we first meet it. The Territorial Koraidon smells the blood. There’s an invader nearby. It goes on a rampage and tries to attack our passive Koraidon. Why? Proximity.

The territorial Koraidon, or Miraidon for Violet players, attacking our Raidon out of nowhere doesn’t make any sense. The professor notes that the second one is much more aggressive but this thing has been with the professor and the AI for years. How do I know this? The AI apologizes for Arven being alone for so long.

"Arven. I am sorry that I kept the truth from you for so long. I inherited all the thoughts and wishes of the professor, and so I understand better than any..."

"Your mother truly loved you."

The territory battle leaves Koraidon weakened as it escapes to crash onto the beach near Poco Path Lighthouse, the one safe haven it remembers outside of the crater. It passes that lighthouse when it suddenly collapses. Meaning, Koraidon was still injured from that incident.

And it is with the Professor’s death that the AI decides it’s time to shut down the machine, hurrying from RS4 to Zero Lab. Afterall, someone just died because of a Paradox Pokemon, a pokemon that is one of the many that have been coming out of the time machine. The AI panics and puts the lab into lockdown to prevent anymore Pokemon from escaping into the crater and ultimately into Paldea.

When trying to track our Koraidon and the territorial one, the professor finds the Pokeball in proximity to a student with a Rotom Phone that just moved to Paldea.

So, there you have it, Arven’s want for closure with his mommy/daddy issues were the reason they died, and I think it’s sad to say that the guy might've figured it out, which is why we don’t really see a reaction from him aside from calling out to the AI when they go into the time machine to their dream eras as well as how he kinda is surprised by everything to do with his family in the post-game.

In the Director’s Office, he says:

"So she really was always amazing...right from the start, huh?"

"All these pieces of my mom's life—they were right in front of me this whole time...I spent so long trying not to think about her that I never even noticed...until now."

And in the main hall/library:

"While I was here in the entrance hall, digging through my mom's research reports, I found this on one of the bookshelves. This book was so precious to my mom that she even kept a copy of it in the lighthouse lab... The Scarlet Book... That's what it's called, right?"

Arven was more focused on his anger, which was justified at the time. Now, it’s misplaced and he’s unsure. I think that’s sad but I won’t forgive Game Freak for such a tragic tale of a Professor who lost their love and buried into research…

Wait…I’ve heard this before…

PS: It was brought to my attention after writing the script that there’s no way this makes sense because there’s mold in the mattress and even crystals forming inside RS4. To that I counter with the mold. Mold spores take about 24-48 hours to actually lock in and be able to eat away at organic material, however, it’s never clarified what kind of mold it is. Some molds take YEARS to actually eat away at organic material. Others months.

As for the crystals in RS4, that makes sense because some material has been broken away. As we can see within the deeper caverns of Area Zero, crystals are ABUNDANT, and reflecting the wrong way, but they grow fast, even in Paldea. If you’re connecting to the internet, you can sometimes see Tera Raid crystals shrink down and respawn an entirely new crystal to give the player better variety. These things grow fast, and with the presence of Glimmora, it wouldn’t surprise me if those actually spawned like two minutes before the player walked in.

As for why the Zero Lab is covered in crystal, the professor actually notes the crystals can enhance both organic/inorganic materials, given it a cop out for why the AI is as sophisticated as it is, but also explaining how these crystals might be a major power source for the time machine.

Don’t forget, in RS1, a journal does state that the energy crystallization process we know as Terastylizing is a result of our mystery, possibly third legendary.