#Honestly I just started to get attached to them especially since I kind of came up with some lore for em :3!

[mossy-paws]

I think I’m gonna make this guy one of my new biograft oc’s, I imagine he lives with vinestaff or something,,,, plant themed name ideas appreciated

[3dmanswhore]

do you? | k. bakugou

3.2k words

content: nsfw, mdni, aged up characters, fem!reader, established (ex) relationship, friends w benefits, fluffy smut, unprotected sex, unedited & lowkey badly written

tbh didn’t even plan on writing this as smut but it just kind of turned into it as i kept writing it 💀, might have to go on another 2+ year hiatus over the embarrassment

other than fucking with no strings attached, Katsuki and i hadn’t seen each other much since our last year at UA. especially at ungodly hours such as right now.

when he would sneak into my dorm after a big fight, silently cuddling up to my half-asleep figure. i would mindlessly stroke his hair and fall back asleep, sometimes waking up to him, or just after he had left.

but here he was now.

at 3am, in my apartment.

only having had the key to unlock the place because i gave it to him for the sake of convenience. for when he calls on me in the middle of a drunken night.

he’s standing at the foot of my bed and staring straight at me, the lit up screen of his phone which he used as a flashlight illuminating his tired features in the dark.

“the fuck are you starin’ at”, he says in his usual bitter tone.

i grimace at him, “the fuck are you doin’ here?”, i say in a slightly softer tone, only because i was too tired to try to outmatch him in a field he was far too experienced in: yelling.

“what do you think?”, he says matter-of-factly. and while i usually don’t mind the booty calls. in fact, sometimes i even seek them out, i’m definitely not up for it right now. not without warning, at least.

i groan as i prop myself up on my elbows, “the hell is wrong with you? i told you i’m not fucking you unannounced, especially not when you just let yourself into my apartment.”

he lets out an annoyed groan, pulling his phone up to his face as he starts to vigorously type on it.

a few seconds later, i hear a ping from my own phone. picking it up, i see the far too familiar text message pop up as a notification: i’m coming over.

“you’re already over, dumbass”, i groan as i scoot to the far end of the bed, making space for him.

he shuts his phone off, laying it down next to my own one.

he takes his shirt off, flinging it to some dark corner of my room.

he gets into bed, his hand brushing against my shoulder as he pulls the sheets over us both.

and he…

turns around?

his back facing me?

my eyebrows scrunch in confusion. “what the fuck are you doing?”, i ask in a slightly raised whisper.

without even turning around to face me, he answers, slightly muffled as he talks into the pillow. “what the fuck does it look like?”

“i have no idea”, i answer honestly, “did you seriously just come here for a sleepover?”

i hear him shuffle in the dark as he turns around to look at me, propped up on his elbow as he glares down at me. “you just said you didn’t wanna fuck. i’m tryna sleep”, he looks at me expectantly, as if waiting for a nod of approval before he can go back to sleeping.

“is this like reverse psychology? you think i’m gonna wanna fuck if you suddenly don’t?”, i’m still confused on why he even came over.

he tsks in response, flinging my forehead, “you think you’re all that”, he says harshly but i can sense a playful undertone in the words. “i can’t fall asleep in an empty bed, you should know that from our failed relationship.”

i stayed silent and he turned to lie on his back, facing the ceiling with his hands clasped over his bare chest. his eyes were open but he didn’t say a word, just steadily breathed as he waited for a response from me.

“i didn’t know that”, i said softly as i adjusted my position, scooting a bit closer to him as my face was now mere inches from his shoulder.

he hummed as he kept blinking at the ceiling. “why do you think i always came back to you”, he said just above a whisper, as if he didn’t even want me to hear it.

“well, i would like to think it’s due to how amazing of a girlfriend i was”, i said sarcastically as i copied his posture, studying the ceiling with him as if we were stargazing.

he snorted sarcastically, which admittedly, slightly hurt.

“what was that for!? i wasn’t that bad”, i said in disbelief, sitting up slightly as i stared at him with a shocked expression.

he side-eyed me, and i could almost notice a smirk playing on his features. “you were fuckin’ psycho, y/n”

i hit his chest, rolling my eyes as i laid back down, accidentally resting my head on his shoulder.

i thought he might shrug me off, but instead he extended his arm around me.

we were now cuddling.

i can’t remember us cuddling much even when we dated.

he said he hated the unnecessary heat coming from my body, though i would always wake up to him spooning me, or squeezing me to near death like i was his plushy.

“i was only psycho because you gave me reasons to be”, i retorted, knowing it was only partly true.

it’s true that, in my reckless and hormonal teenage-hood, i could be extremely jealous and possessive. but he could have worked out less, or gotten a bad haircut, or done something to get the girls to stop fawning over him.

the only thing that pushed away the flocks was his shitty attitude, but i’m sure some were even more turned on by it.

“despite your beliefs, i never cheated on you once”, i know he didn’t. “hell, i never even looked at another girl besides you”, he must have meant ‘while we were together’, but i guess it was common sense that didn’t need to be specified.

still, it made my heart churn: the possibility that i was the only one who managed to capture his attention, ever.

the idea gave me a disgusting sense of importance. one so suffocating it might throw me into old habits of trying to get his approval at all costs.

instead of saying something that would ruin the moment and push him away, i hummed in response as i turned to wrap around his warm, and slightly sweaty torso.

thankfully, because of his quirk, he never smelled bad. if anything, i think the sweet-scented sweat made him just that much more intoxicating.

the hand he had wrapped around me rubbed soothing circles into my shoulder, and i could tell by his quickening heartbeat and uneven breath, that even the great Katsuki was capable of feeling nervous.

“i miss this”, he says softly, and i’m sure it is a sentence he will regret muttering in the morning — when he’s not affected by the drowsiness and hypnagogia.

my heart skips a beat as i continue tracing the lines of his muscles, “you do?” is all i can say to not reveal my own feelings on the matter.

“do you?”, he asks instantly, so much so i’m not even sure he meant to say it aloud.

he grabs my tracing hand with his free one, bringing it up to his face as he kisses at my palm, and each section of each finger, the kisses becoming more hungry as he digs his face into my touch like an abandoned hound.

i can only utter his name, my voice shaky as i mindlessly inch my face closer to his.

his usually angry eyes almost look like they are pleading now.

his arm has now moved to my waist as he tries to pull me closer, our chests touching not being enough.

his other hand moves to the back of my neck as he pushes my face down on his. he hungrily nips at my lips, and if i wasn’t so used to his touch i would think he was trying to devour me whole.

we hadn’t kissed like this in such a long time. even during this weird arrangement of ours that had been going on for months, we’d only lock our lips for the sake of muffling the moans and gasps.

as he pulled me in even closer, my shirt now having ridden up almost completely — my chest the only thing stopping it in place, i was now straddling him as he moved his hand to somewhere more interesting than my bare waist.

he squeezed my ass and i let out a gasp to which he only deepened the kiss, stealing the air from my lungs.

i wasn’t sure whether i was feeling lightheaded because he was so inebriating or because of the lack of oxygen going to my brain.

but my judgment was clouded, that was for sure.

i didn’t even want to think of what would happen between us in the morning. perhaps he really was just using psychological tricks to get me to sleep with him tonight. i definitely wouldn’t put it past him.

but i couldn’t care enough right now. i just wanted his touch. i needed it. i had missed it for so long. not the lustful, mindless one i’d been feeling recently, but this — the hungry, desperate touch that leaves bruises in places no bruises should be.

he detaches himself from my lips and moves to nipping on my jaw, and my neck.

i hung my head in the space where his neck and shoulder connect, breathing heavily and whining right into his ear as he teeths at that sweet spot he knew so well of.

he bucks his hips up, searching for even the slightest friction as he continues working on my collar area.

i close my eyes, trying to stop the dizzying feeling in my head. but breathing him in while listening to his quickened heartbeat doesn’t do much to help.

he pulls away, forcing my hips down onto his own and causing me to sit up as i use his heaving chest as an anchor.

he squeezes my bare thighs, his fingers hooking themselves around the waistband of my underwear. he pulls on it softly as if testing the elasticity, his red eyes gleaming at me hungrily.

“did you know i was coming? is that why you only wore this?”, he gruffly said, still playing with the waistband of my panties as his other hand rubbed my back, riding up my tank-top even higher.

i think he knew this was just how i always slept, that it had nothing to do with him. but in this moment, he must have just needed to hear me say it: yes, katsuki, all of this is for you.

so i did, ignoring the fact that it wasn’t true.

he closed his eyes for a moment before sitting upright, holding me to his chest so i wouldn’t fall off as he readjusted us both.

“i’ll make it worth your while”, he said reassuringly, cupping my face with his calloused hand, giving my cheeks a squeeze as he planted a kiss on the tip of my nose.

melting at his touch as i always did, i rested my forehead against his as he looked down at his boxers, trying to pull them down with my legs still straddling him.

i lifted myself up to allow him space as he finally managed to kick them off.

i sat back down, his sprung up cock twitching between our torsos.

he stroked it once, the precum leaking onto my bare stomach as he slapped it against me.

i felt myself leaking on his lap, grinding on him, desperate to feel him inside me, but playing it off as just readjusting myself.

but he knew the truth.

he knew i needed him just as badly as he did me, maybe even more.

he slowly pulled my top off, admiring the way my tits bounced at the motion.

he squeezed my waist, muttering a curse under his breath as we locked eyes again.

“d’you have a condom?”, i asked as i ran a finger through his hair, watching as his eyebrows knitted at the pulling sensation.

“fuck”, he said more clearly now as his head fell, and i knew what the answer was. at least i was now sure he didn’t come here just to fuck.

i shook my head reassuringly, “i’ll get the morning-after pill tomorrow” i knew it was a dumb idea. even in that drunken passion haze, i knew it. i knew it was too risky, and that those things were only about 90% effective — and that is if i remembered to take it on time.

but i couldn’t pass on this opportunity. i couldn’t let him just go home after all of this.

Katsuki was smart, he knew it was a dumb idea, too. but he stayed quiet, nodding silently as he once again started playing with the band of my panties.

i planted soft kisses on his temple, nipping on his ear knowing it was one of his many weaknesses.

he let out a long sigh, mumbling something about ripping off my underwear.

they were an expensive pair, so i’m not sure why i agreed to it, nodding vigorously as i mumbled his name desperately.

like it was just a piece of string, he ripped them off swiftly, pulling them out from under me and throwing them somewhere to the side.

i once again rested on his forehead, watching as he slowly pumped his thick cock against my folds, squealing at the sensation.

we both knew there was no need for further foreplay. maybe when we were younger, we would take hours getting each other off with just our hands and mouths before finally sealing the deal.

but now, there was no need. not only because we were both as horny as one could be, but because we were also so exhausted. unsure whether it was due to the fact that it was nearly 4am and we were running on almost zero hours of sleep, or simply because we were getting older and didn’t have the same stamina we did when we were eighteen or nineteen.

he grabbed my thigh with one hand, lifting me off slightly as i grabbed his shoulder for support, squirming as he rubbed his tip all over my leaking pussy before finally sliding it in completely.

i let out a loud whine, hiding my face into his hair as he kept both hands on my ass.

i wrapped my arms around his neck and he kissed my shoulder, “you good?” he asked as he moved one hand to rub my upper arm in comfort.

i nodded as i let out a sigh, mumbling his name and a pathetic command to fill me up.

he listened, of course, rocking his hips up into me as he simultaneously lifted me off himself, trying to create a rhythm between the two movements.

“c’mon baby, ride me. you know how well you do it”, he almost begged. praise wasn’t something Katsuki practiced in our bedroom life, ever. if anything, he did the opposite. but i think in this moment, he was too exhausted to carry both our loads and get himself off at the same time.

i obliged, lifting myself off him slowly and dropping back down. he desperately bucked into me, unsatisfied with the speed i was going at.

i swirled my hips on him, as if i was tracing patterns with the movement. he let out a broken whine, sinking his head into my chest as i finally picked up the speed.

the sound of skin slapping skin echoed around the room, and i was sure i would get noise complaints from the neighbors in the morning.

he left wet kisses on my chest, breathing heavily as i continued bouncing on him.

i was starting to get tired, my pace faltering as i whined nonsense into his ear. “you fill me up so good, ‘tsuki”, i knew the effect my dumb nicknames had on him.

he always pretended to hate it, and only wanted me to call him by his name. but i always noticed the way his eyes would glint when i’d throw a petname into our conversations.

he suddenly wrapped his arms tightly around my torso, stopping my ability to move as he started pounding into me. the bed was creaking, and i’m pretty sure we even managed to push it from its position as i tried to grab onto the wall behind it.

i let out a loud moan as i wrapped myself around him again, feeling his thick cock fill me up as it pulsated inside of me.

his length hit the deepest part of my insides, and the rhythmic pounding of that sweet spot overwhelmed me with pleasure as i heaved desperately into his ear.

“don’t stop, Katsuki”, i whimpered into his ear, letting out more moans as i dug my fingernails into his back to try and suppress the feeling, but to no avail.

he groaned, holding me tightly as he suddenly turned us around so i was lying underneath him.

he kept up the pace, resting his forehead against mine as he stared into my eyes.

i let out a cry of pleasure, my breath hitching as my heaving mixed with the mumbling of his name and pleads to keep going.

he didn’t stop, but over time his thrusts became sloppy. i watched his face distort in pleasure as he closed his eyes to focus on the thrusts, resting his head in the crook of my neck.

“don’t stop, baby, i’m so close”, the only words of encouragement i could think of in this moment. i ran my hand through his hair, pulling his head up so he could see how good he was making me feel.

he let out a desperate whine, coating my chest with peppered kisses as he kept thrusting into me.

now the sound of squelching and mixed liquids filled the room, along with our desperate wails of pleasure.

“fill m’up with your cum, baby. ‘want to feel you inside”, i whimpered incoherently, pulling him in closer as i wrapped my legs around his hips.

he let out a groan as his pace quickened once more. he held one arm besides my head, propping himself up — while he slithered the other one down to my heat, rubbing my clit until i couldn’t tell whether i was moaning out of pleasure or pain.

the combined sensation of his sex filling me up and his rough fingers overworking my clit proved to be too much as i unraveled all over him, crying out his name desperately as i clung onto him.

his breathing started getting heavier as he kept pumping into me, trying to bring himself to a finish as he rode out my own.

i moaned words of encouragement into his ear, peppering kisses on his jaw and neck until i finally felt his cock twitching inside of me.

he let out a prolonged moan as his semen squirted inside of me, Katsuki pumping himself inside a few more times to ride out the orgasm.

i felt the juices leak out of me as he tiredly pulled out, still lying on-top of me as he tried to pull the blanket over us.

he kept his head sunken in the crook of my neck, his breathing easing as he muttered something incomprehensible.

i brushed through his hair, listening to his calm breathing and feeling his heartbeat slow down to a normal speed.

“i missed you too, ‘tsuki”, i spoke softly, not even sure whether he was still awake to hear it.

[nyerusnova]

Glad to see that Tim being a giant Dick Grayson fanboy is finally being highlighted again, and sparking more discussion especially on their early relationship! (Please gimme more!!! I love them so much, augh!)

Probably as a result of that surge, there seems to be reciprocal chatter on the topic of how young Tim actually felt towards Jason, too. It's honestly pretty interesting, because it's more nuanced than it appears at first glance.

Which means it's very fun to dissect! ✨

There's a degree of subjectivity to keep in mind, because readers are going to have different interpretations of the same scenes, or will pull from entirely different scenes than one another to form their individual view on this topic. That's just how it is in comic book fandom, for many things! Regardless, in this case... if the scale ranges from the extreme of "Jason was Tim's Robin" to the other extreme of "Tim actually hated Jason [as Robin] or thought he was a loser that got himself killed" — the actual truth is closer to the middle, as is often the case.

At least, in my opinion.

Mainly I want to focus on those relatively early days with this post, to highlight Tim's initial(-ish) feelings towards his heroes, and touch on the point at which they really begin to change. This turned into a very long post, though. Brevity is beyond my skill, so grab snacks and water lol. Transcripts for each image will be posted at the very end under the cut.

So, the two storylines I want to cover are "Rite of Passage," which is rolls into "Identity Crisis." (NOT to be confused with the major crossover event "Identity Crisis™" which came years later, and is where Jack Drake dies.... But it sure is an interesting coincidence that Tim deals with the loss of each parent in two similarly named stories!) These take place before Tim is even Robin, and I'll be considering them as one arc for this post.

Detective Comics vol. 1 #618 (July, 1990) -- Pages 1 & 2

"When Gotham needed him, he was there. When the Batman needed him, he was there. He was a hero."

"One day, I'll be as good as Jason. One day I'll wear the suit."

To start off, we have this opening from "Rite of Passage." Tim is still in training here, mainly helping Bruce with minor stuff from the cave. His parents are off traveling, alive and well as of these next few pages. He's still bright-eyed and full of wonder. An extraordinarily weird but ultimately innocent kid.

So his view on Jason is positive and fairly simple: a hero, and someone to look up to as Robin. Clearly, Tim here doesn't think Jason was deficient in his role, either as a protector of Gotham or as Batman's trusted partner.

Moreover, Tim already held Dick in very high regard because he was amazingly skilled before he became Robin. To Tim, that's not something he'll ever be able to achieve. Meanwhile, Jason wasn't like that. He was a regular kid without crazy acrobatic training since practically birth. Yet he still went on to be a hero—which is obviously motivational for Tim who finds himself in similar shoes.

It's true that Tim only ever knew or thought of Jason as Robin, and idolized him in that regard. But that's kind of all that mattered to him at that point, because he was this kid who was utterly star-struck by his heroes. Even if he's technically aware of their shortcomings as people, it's overshadowed by the hero-worship.

It was kind of the same with Bruce as Batman at first. (Which was still enough for Tim to risk life and limb to help his beloved hero, before Bruce even knew his name.) Dick was the only one Tim had any sort of "personal" relationship with beforehand, so there is an extra level of attachment—and hence why it was the nidus for his obsession with Batman. Yet even then, it wasn't like he actually knew anything about Dick as a person until later. Until then, Tim's ideas of him were all he had, too. With Jason, Tim just didn't get to know him at any point before his return (oof), apart from what he heard over the years secondhand (also oof).

Ultimately, it's the loss of innocence—along with the ricocheting bullet that is the unresolved guilt of those around him—that begins to change Tim's perception. Not just of Jason, but of things in general.

Batman vol. 1 #455 (Oct., 1990) -- Page 13

"I know why they do it now. Why they put on the suits, and the masks, and go out into the night. They're angry, they're full of rage. They want to hit back."

Losing his mother was a major shift for Tim, obviously. This is right after the previous storyline, and Tim's had the worst week or two of his life (so far). His monologue here is a reference to what happened to both Dick and Jason. The unbearable pain of loss, the rage masking the grief underneath. And importantly, that he feels both of them were justified in their anger. (And Bruce too, indirectly.)

The major theme of the aptly named "Identity Crisis" is to mirror aspects of Dick and Jason and Tim's lives—to show how they converged onto the same tragic road. It's something that Tim notices early in the story, and was frightened by. Now, horrifically, it's become a part of him as well. His parents are gone, and he was entirely helpless to do anything about it. Dick was the same way, Jason was the same way. The cycle is repeated.

In particular, the part about him wanting to go to Haiti for revenge—for his mother—sort of struck me as being an intentional parallel to Jason and Ethiopia. It's a bit of a stretch, especially in isolation, so others may see it differently (e.g. the angry ramblings of a grieving child that does sound like something anyone might say). But it always stuck out to me because of how much Tim is compared directly to Jason in this arc. More on that below.

It's not something I can really give an accurate feel of because it's a lot of subtle things that begin to add up, so I'd encourage folks to read this arc themselves to see what I mean. (Or maybe you'll still disagree which is fine too lol.) Again, many things are in reference to both Dick and Jason in relation to Tim, but it's weighted more on Jason's side.

Batman vol. 1 #455 (Oct., 1990) -- Page 18

"You think my anger will boil over, the way Jason's did. I can assure you, it won't!"

Tim's grief has begun to pull away the veil of idealism that enshrouded his heroes in his mind. It doesn't apply only to Jason, but to the rest of them. Plus add the fact that Tim's keenly aware that he's being managed, even if the adults around him are careful to not outright say certain things. He still knows.

Bruce, Dick, and Alfred are all worried about Tim potentially turning into "another Jason." They (and mainly Bruce) caution Tim to not ignore his emotions, but they're still concerned that he may be overly eager to prove himself in order to cope, and could get hurt or killed as a result. While they aren't wrong for their caution—especially at how unsettlingly similar all the circumstances are—they aren't very subtle about the elephant in the room.

Imagine how that would affect Tim's perception of his predecessor, especially when he's in the midst of a traumatic event he hasn't had time to fully process. The negative association is pretty much inevitable.

Tim's known from day one that he's walking in Jason's shadow, and now it's become inescapable. Tim went from seeing Jason as a goal to reach, to feeling that unless he surpasses him, he wasn't going to be taken seriously by anyone. However, as of this arc, Tim doesn't even fully come to that point yet.

Batman vol. 1 #456 (Nov., 1990) -- Pages 14 & 15

"Drop-outs don't make it. And dead heroes are no use to anyone!"

It's really easy to take away "Tim totally thought Jason got himself killed" as the main thing here, but I think that's missing the forest for the trees.

First some context: Bruce has gone out on a mission to get Scarecrow, and expressly forbade Tim from doing any shenanigans. Meanwhile, Tim is grappling with wanting to prove himself and trying to help Bruce from the cave, all while trying to deal with his emotions. At some point, he falls asleep and ends up having like... exhaustion-grief hallucinations of Dick!Robin and Jason!Robin who confusingly caution yet encourage him. The main theme of this part is facing your fears.

Depending on how you want to interpret the intent of Jason's dialogue here, you could go several ways with it. Ranging from "writer's feelings towards Jason" to "a peek into Tim's mind as his fears manifest as visions of his heroes" or some mixture thereof.

Though Tim argues with Bruce that Batman needs a Robin, we're shown that Tim is understandably scared of joining Batman's "war." He's still not willing to let Bruce go it alone, though, and that's something he feels more strongly than his fear.

Meanwhile, hallucination!Jason's warnings are a lamentation of what happened to him in a way, but it actually exactly describes Tim's current situation even more so. Unlike Jason, Tim is under-trained, under-experienced, doesn't even have a suit of his own yet. But like Jason, he can't sit by and do nothing while someone he cares about is in danger. Tim knows that if he goes out there, he will probably get himself killed, and it will be his own fault. So he's about to disobey Batman's orders, and fly right into danger. If that got Jason killed, then Tim—who is in a way worse position experience-wise—has every chance of ending up the same.

Like... it's about Jason, but it's also about Tim. It's Tim's worst fears made manifest, via the representation of why he is even here in the first place (Jason's death).

That's my theory anyway, but perhaps this is an overly charitable reading of this scene on my end. (Not that I think that makes me wrong lol.) However given that Grant wrote both parts of this arc, and the beginning of which is especially favorable towards Jason, it certainly is something to ponder. I have a lot of thoughts on it I can't expand on here tbh but perhaps that'll be another post.

Anyway, returning to the point of the similarities vs differences between Tim and Jason: since this is the arc that solidified Tim as the next Robin in comic continuity, it makes sense that the writers really pushed the comparisons between the two of them, specifically. (Even though Dick was pretty similar, as going against Batman's orders is the Robin thing to do, it's not his shoes Tim is directly filling.) So making Tim's "debut" story arc mirror Jason's "swansong" is an obvious narrative choice.

To drive home the parallels, I wanted to include this panel from just a few pages prior to the "daydream":

Batman vol. 1 #456 (Nov., 1990) -- Page 9

"The suit is magic."

That so distressingly close to Jason's famous "being Robin gives me magic" line (Batman #385, page 6). Given all the previous context, it's hard for me to just dismiss it as pure coincidence. Even if it is, the point still stands. Tim is shown having the some of the same heartbreakingly naive views as Jason once did, right in front of Jason's memorial, just as he's about to go and run off into the night against orders.

I think that speaks for itself. There's a lot to take away from it, if you so choose. Especially given the context of that specific Jason arc.

Alright, back to the main course:

So in the end, Tim actually goes out in civvies and a ski mask because if he fails, then at least he wouldn't bring shame to Robin's legacy™. When he gets fear gassed saving Batman, it's once again both Dick and Jason that he hallucinates encouraging him to push past his fear. (Shout out to the fact that he's literally more afraid of tarnishing the legacy of Batman & Robin than he is of dying.... I'm sure this will not be a recurring thing for him in the future.)

Tim's ideology is shown to be similar to Jason's, and the actions Tim ultimately takes are similar to Jason's... but the outcome is different. And it really isn't just "Tim succeeded where Jason failed." At least, that's not what I took away from this. Rather, Tim had no reason to succeed any more than he had to fail, just that he did. Luck combined with caution because he knew what happened to his predecessor, and the fact that Batman was there to finish the job all made the difference.

You could say (and I know some will) that it's just classic Jason character assassination and the writers trying to implore readers that this new kid is different we promise pls don't hate us look how much better he is! But in this case, that feels like it undermines the whole point of this story. It doesn't fit with what the characters actually say.

Thus, we return to the question of how Tim felt towards his predecessor. And the answer is different from where we started, because Tim is different. Not that different though. Because even though at this point Tim—like all the adults around him—has probably attributed Jason "going off on his own" being what led to his death, Tim still thought of him as a hero to look up to. It's about Robin, first and foremost, yes. But Tim is fully aware of the people who made that suit mean what it does, because it's all intertwined.

Batman vol. 1 #457 (Dec., 1990) -- Page 20

"I mean--Dick made it into a symbol the whole world knows. Jason gave his life for it."

Even further, Tim thinks of it in terms of Jason having given his life for what he believed in, for the legacy that now falls to Tim. There's a sense of gravitas there. He's afraid of failing both the Robins who came before him.

Ultimately do I think Tim adored and loved Jason on the same level as Dick or something? No. It's not comparable. (Dick was like part of some of Tim's earliest memories and everything! They have a really unique bond ok.) Yet Tim was also far from thinking poorly of Jason so early on. Frankly, it seems that Tim thought of Jason as a noble hero and a cautionary tale. Yes he took risks and sometimes went too far, generally stuff that Tim doesn't want to repeat and all that. At the same time, Tim still saw him as someone whose legacy and memory was worth honoring.

It's complicated, which is why I like it so much—because it feels real. Having conflicting feelings towards someone is... so human. Especially someone you never got to know, yet who plays such an integral role in your life via the shadow of their death. How can you feel anything but complicated towards them?

It has to be said that, yes, Tim's views—even before Jason's return—change over the years. He becomes more jaded as a person and is surrounded by people who are even more jaded than him... and who often mention Jason as the "failed Robin." It's something that's hung over Tim's head all the damn time. The curse of the Robin mantle.

So it shouldn't come as a surprise that Tim's idea of him becomes more akin to "sounds like a skill issue" as the years go by. All bets are off after Jason's return, and the Titans Tower Incident™. At that point it's firmly "I am better than you, loser" lmao.

And... that's all without getting too into things like authorial intent and general "moods" of different DC writers towards Jason at a given point. Or retcons that played a role in his characterization and how other characters talk about him, depending on what "era" you're reading. That's way beyond the scope of this post though!

TLDR; even though young Tim Drake was obsessed with Dick Grayson as Robin, he still looked up to Jason Todd as well. He didn't think of Jason as a cringefail loser until later. :)

(image dialogue transcripts under cut ↓)

Dialogue Transcript for Image 1 (Detective Comics vol. 1 #618 -- Page 1):

Narration box (Tim): When Gotham needed him, he was there. When the Batman needed him, he was there. He was a hero.

Dialogue Transcript for Image 2 (Detective Comics vol. 1 #618 -- Page 2):

(Scene continued from previous page)

Narration box: But he was nothing special, really. Just a boy, who was taught--trained--brought to his full potential by someone who knew how. Just a boy... like me. I know I can do it. I know I can. One day I'll be as good as Jason. One day I'll wear the suit. One day I'll be a hero.

Dialogue Transcript for Image 3 (Batman vol. 1 #455 -- Page 13):

Tim: I hate him! I hate him! I know why they do it now. Why they put on the suits, and the masks, and go out into the night. They're angry. Full of rage. They want to hit back. They want to fill the hole that's burning inside them.

Bruce: There's more to it than that, son. Much more.

Tim: I know. It's just--I feel--like going to Haiti myself and strangling that creep with my bare hands!

Bruce: The Obeah Man will spend the rest of his life in a prison hospital. He's history. Forget him! But don't fight against your anger. It's natural. Accept it. Live with it. One day it'll be your friend.

Dialogue Transcript for Image 4 (Batman vol. 1 #455 -- Panels from page 18):

Tim: Because you think my mother's death has upset me too much. Well, it did. But I've taken your words to heart. I can cope. You think my anger will boil over, the way Jason's did. I can assure you, it won't. But that doesn't make any difference, does it? Why can't you have a little faith in me?

Dialogue Transcript for Image 5 (Batman vol. 1 #456 -- Page 14):

Narration box (Tim): Blast it! My head's starting to swim. I'm about ready to give up. I almost wish I'd never heard of Batman and Robin!

Vision Dick: Heroes never give up, Tim.

Vision Jason: You know that.

Tim: Dick--! Jason Todd!

Vision Dick: You're training to fight in a war, Tim. It'll last all your life. No matter what, you have to go on fighting.

Vision Jason: Drop-outs don't make it. And dead heroes are no use to anyone! I thought I knew better than Batman. I thought I could run before I could walk. I killed myself, Tim. Because I couldn't wait. Because I couldn't think it through.

Dialogue Transcript for Image 6 (Batman vol. 1 #456 -- Page 15):

(Scene continued from previous page)

Vision Dick: Think, Tim. Concentrate!

Vision Jason: You can do it.

Both: You can do it!

Tim, waking up: What--? Robin...?

Narration box (Tim): I must have been daydreaming. They're right, though. There's a solution to everything. I can find it! So here I go again... Whim. Caprice. Doing something without forethought.

Dialogue Transcript for Image 7 (Batman vol. 1 #456 -- Panel from page 9):

Narration box (Tim): The suit is magic. It gives you power. It hides your weakness. It makes you give it everything you've got. It makes you a hero. If only I could!

Dialogue Transcript for Image 8 (Batman vol. 1 #457 -- Page 20):

Bruce: Are you afraid of it?

Tim: No. It isn't fear. It's more... the suit carries so much history. I mean--Dick made it into a symbol the whole world knows. Jason gave his life for it. Failing them--what they fought so hard to build--that's what worries me!

Bruce: I appreciate that, Tim. That costume weighs a whole lot more than any symbol should... and I'd be failing you if I expected you to bear that weight. So... let me know what you think.

Narration box: A mask has a double edged, he said. It hides your own anxiety as it strikes fear into your enemy.

[lemotmo]

one thing i'm a bit worried about as we got into season 8 is that there are a lot of fans talking about buddie like it's an inevitability and saying things like "buddie canon confirmed" because of the bts stuff we've seen.

it feels like people are setting themselves up for being disappointed and mad if buddie doesn't end up going canon (and honestly, it's kind of their fault for reading so much into fun little posts from the cast when the only way they'd ever confirm buddie is in an episode).

i really want buddie to be canon, but I'm keeping my expectations low because I don't want to be disappointed and it feels like people should be prepared for that potential outcome.

All right Nonny, here's the thing...

I get it. I completely understand what you are saying. I have been in the 911 fandom since season 1 (not so much on Tumblr) and when season 2 happened I hopped onto the Buddie train (on Tumblr).

I have been there, season after season after season. I saw people building up a lot of hope only for that hope to end up in disappointment. And I felt some of that disappointment as well. Although I have to admit I was always on the sidelines. I never really thought it would ever go canon. I hoped for it, but I had very low expectations.

After all, both men were canonically straight. Even though we could all see the queer-coding, fundamentally nothing ever changed. Buddie got closer than ever, but they still had girlfriends and relationships.

So yeah, I didn't have high expectations and I was happy just chilling in my little Buddie corner, speculating and reading/writing fan fic. Just genuinly having a good time.

But then season 7 happened. The show got cancelled by FOX at the end of season 6 and ABC picked it up. The first thing ABC did was put Ryan and Oliver front and center, having them freely talk about Buddie. I couldn't believe my eyes when these interviews happened. Articles were written, not just by smaller click bait sites, but actual reputable magazine sites. I watched all of this with wide eyes, not sure what to think of it. 'Would they? Could they?'

Then another bomb went off when 7x04 happened and Buck came out as bisexual. I was floored. For the first time in 6 seasons, I started entertaining the idea that the show might just go there. If they made Buck bisexual, surely they wouldn't ignore the highly popular Buddie aspect of it? Would they?

Let's not get into the whole Tommy debacle that happened afterwards. Because in the end it's not important for this answer. Tommy has been set up as a narrative device to help Buck out of the closet. He isn't even a factor in the overspanning Buddie arc we've seen progressing over 6 seasons.

I also want to add that it's crazy that we know for sure that it was actually supposed to be Eddie who would come out of the closet (first).

The end of season 7 gave us an Eddie who told Kim that he is broken and he can't be fixed. Chris left and now he's all alone. No more Chris, Marisol or any other distractions. He is on his own now. Lots of time to reflect upon his life and relationships. His arc will be built around his emotional journey and his personal growth. And we all know who will be by his side for all of it. It's a given at this point.

Then we have Ryan doing these interviews, saying things like:

“The character has been established now, we kind of know what to expect with the vibe. Now it’s just kind of falling back in old rhythm. The only thing different now is where the character’s head is at and where he is going.”

Next to that we have new looks for both Ryan and Oliver. A new beginning perhaps? That moustache has some clear queer symbolism attached to it as well. Something we cannot ignore, because the show knows that its fans aren't stupid and they also know that they have a solid queer fanbase.

And yes, Ryan and Oliver seem happy and relaxed on set these days, while especially Oliver didn't seem all that happy at the end of season 7. In fact, Oliver has completely ignored the Tommy aspect of his new 'canon' relationship. He speaks more about Buck's bi journey and ignores the Tommy factor as much as possible.

So Nonny, if you read all of the above information (and I'm sure I forgot a bunch of stuff) how can you not become more hopeful and a lot more positive that there is a high chance of Buddie happening in season 8?

I'm all for protecting yourself from possible disappointment, but when you are constantly wrapping yourself into a protective cocoon so you don't get hurt in the process, you might just miss the best (and most fun) part of being a shipper: the experience of your slow-burn ship finally becoming canon.

I admit it! I too strongly believe Buddie might just happen in season 8. I'm almost completely sure.

And yes, if Buddie doesn't happen, there will be disappointment and there will be people who choose to express that disappointment through anger. But honestly?

They would kinda have a point.

Because no, it wouldn't be the fans' own fault for getting their hopes up if Buddie doesn't happen. During previous seasons I would have said 'yes', but not now. Not anymore. Now I would definitely say that they are right. It's the show itself that has gotten our hopes up by the consistent Buddie promo, the many Buddie scenes, the whole Eddie being in every part of the BT arc thing, the bts and all the other things they've thrown at us. They know exactly what they are doing. They are hyping Buddie up to the max.

I don't actually believe there will be disappointment though. This is truly the first season where I have been pretty confident that Buddie is in the works. I've never had that feeling before and I've been here forever.

Now that being said, complete certainty doesn't exist for a shipper. if, for some reason, Buddie doesn't happen? There will be disappointment (for me as well) and anger (for me not so much), but in the end that emotion will fade and Buddie will become just another great fandom experience with a bad ending. We've all been there before. It happens.

That is just the nature of being in fandom: 'You win some, you lose some.'

However... this time? With Buddie?

I really think we're about to win big. Sorry Nonny!

¯\_ (ツ)_/¯

[lucyandherlunacy]

before i start episode 5 of minecraft story mode i thought i'd put my serious first impressions of the "wither storm arc" here

first the positives: surprisingly, i find it really entertaining how everyone talks. the little pg curse words forced into every conversation, like 'crap' and 'hell' etc.? absolute time capsule. it works for me because i can 100% believe that these are people who live in a minecraft server in the 2010s. the wither storm was an excellent threat for the first 4 episodes. genuinely one of the best monster-villains i've seen in a video game. the conflict surrounding its creation and how it spiralled out of hand mean that it can motivate meaningful character tension despite being a monster, and the way it works is honestly really cool. a regenerating, nigh-unkillable mass of destruction that drags everything around it to its death and only multiplies once it's seemingly dead for good? plus the wither sickness and amnesia it spreads and the fate of the people who get absorbed into it? love it. genuinely threatening and spooky the arc had me invested to the point that i wasn't willing to really make any kind of 'evil/mean for the hell of it' decisions in my playthrough. it felt really nice playing jesse as someone who is just earnestly a nice and caring person who tries her best and keeps her gang together. it helps that the voice actress playing femjesse sounds absolutely heavenly she killed it in this role honestly i liked jesse's character a lot more than i expected too! their inexperienced and kinda bumbling yet optimistic outlook compared to say, the kind of stoic hardened adventurer you see in petra was really fun. combined with me missing a qte or two on occasion i definitely bought into jesse as this unlikely hero that came from nothing soren, ivor, lukas and olivia were the standout characters to me in that order. idk what else to really say they're great. i liked the rest of the cast well enough even if i thought some of them were slightly underdeveloped or just didn't appeal to me personally, the former of which i'll get into in the next section. reuben the pig i can't really speak on since i have a personal bad experience with his name that made me wince every time it was said. he was cute i guess ----------------------------------------------------------------- a few criticisms: i did redstonia, and idk if this an issue unique to that area but i found it to be too short. i just kept thinking there would be more to this society or at least more buildup to meeting ellegaard. most of what you see is just people's attempts to win her favor. i especially would've liked to see more of it since it ends up getting destroyed there was only really one time that the character drama felt forced to me, and that was the start of episode 3 where lukas tries to pull the amulet off you and petra scolds you for not saving axel and reuben. it was all uphill from there but that was the only moment i really was like "yeah this is shoehorned lol" mobs are handled kind of weirdly in this game. it's a nitpick at best and not something super serious but i guess it's weird to see zombies and skeletons just kind of being treated as a given in a populous world of various humans. i dunno, i just felt that not taking advantage of the fact that half the generic monsters are the undead or even really mentioning it was a weird move i kind of wish we just had one more episode in this arc. certain moments like ellegaard's death didn't hit as hard as they should have just because i hadn't spent enough time with her to get attached. and generally i think characters like axel and petra could've done with just a little more time in the spotlight for their characters to grow. i think they needed the kind of treatment olivia got in her moment with jesse in the farlands. even having done redstonia over axel's path it really wasn't long enough to add to her character the way that moment did for me ------------------------------------------------------------------ regardless, i genuinely really liked my experience with this game despite all the silly moments. if anything they enhance the experience for me and i can't wait to play more :)

[piratecaptainscaptainpirates]

Prompt: Stede wants to have sex, Ed is feeling two dysphoric to have sex. They come to a compromise: they get out the strapless strap on and Stede fucks his ass while Ed is wearing the strapless strap and Stede jerks it off and calls him a good boy (if you've never worn a strapless strap it's got a part that goes in your hole, thats how it stays attached in theory (in practice it usually slips out unless you lay on your back and jerk off) and a textured bit that presses up against your clit so you can feel when the penis attachement is being moved around)

Been saving this for sexual sunday. Absolutely delighted by everything about it, when you sent it in I literally gasped aloud because I couldn't believe I've never written anything with a strapless strap before. It has truly been living rent free in my head and Jamie I cannot thank you enough for this prompt.

--

Stede finally looked up from his book again around Ed's sixth extremely melodramatic sigh.

"Ed," he said, reaching over to put a comforting hand on Ed's thigh, "it's really not a big deal."

"But you said," Ed whined. "You said you wanted to have sex."

"And you're not up for it," Stede shrugged. "It's not a big deal."

It was pretty unusual, for their moods to not match up when it came to sex, and that made it feel even worse. Of course, there were the occasional nights where one of them was too tired or just not in the mood, but usually they were synched up like clockwork. Ed had always joked to himself that he was a bit of a slut, but Stede could get him going at a moment's notice.

The worst part was that Ed was horny. They'd just gotten back home from the farmer's market, where Stede had whispered in his ear across the picnic table where they ate lunch about what he'd do to him when he got home, and they barely made it inside the door before Stede had him pinned back against the wall, his kisses and touches desperate and hungry.

Usually, Ed's bottom dysphoria was very manageable. Especially considering how much his cock had grown since he'd started on T decades ago, he could usually deal with it okay. Having a self-lubricating hole was convenient if nothing else, and when they played around with Stede lightly making fun of him for having a little dick, Ed had a lot of fun. He had a pretty good relationship with his body nowadays, especially since Stede so vocally loved every part of him.

But today...yeah, it was rough today. The feeling of how wet he was made him cringe when Stede slid a finger along his hole, and he kept thinking about how much he wished he could look down and see a proper boner between his legs. The way he kind of had to spread himself open with his fingers to watch his little cock perk up felt annoying instead of arousing, and he was embarrassed of his body in a way he almost never was with Stede.

So they'd stopped. Stede had tucked himself away, and he'd already lost his boner just from seeing how upset Ed had gotten, so Ed felt out of place even offering a blowjob or something. Every way he could think of to have sex today felt, in one way or another, uncomfortable.

Ed heaved another great pitiful sigh.

"Alright," Stede said, then, and Ed's heart fluttered in his chest because Stede had his favorite smile, now, the one that was sharp and toothy. Stede smiled like that when he had an idea so crazy there was no way it wouldn't work. "Think I might have an idea."

What Ed needed, they decided, was some gender-affirming sex.

They almost never used the strapless strap. They'd bought it a while back, when they'd been experimenting with Stede domming Ed while bottoming, and it honestly had never seen much use even though they'd put so much time into finding one that matched Ed's skin tone very closely and they both loved the look of. Stede just wasn't a very big fan of being penetrated, and a strapless strap was exciting in its novelty but in practice it was really hard to use it without it slipping out.

Now, though, as they eased the strap in and Ed looked down to see a dick between his legs, curving up towards his belly? It felt like a relief.

"There we go," Stede said, settling between Ed's legs, hand laying protectively over Ed's hipbone. "You're so hard for me, aren't you, Ed?"

"Mm, yeah - oh, fuck," Ed whimpered, the noise turning into a bitten-off moan as Stede stroked the strap. The movement pressed the grinding attachment against Ed's hard clit, and he bucked his hips up into the feeling.

Ed loved grinders. He firmly believed that he was put on this earth to hump things. But, now, he looked down at Stede stroking his cock, and he felt pleasure from it, andhe just let his body melt into the sheets so he could take it like a -

"Good boy," Stede praised, taking his hand off the strap so he could slick up his own cock. "Ready?"

"Please," Ed begged, his voice turning needy and shameless. "Please, please, please. Need it."

"Alright, good boy." Stede bent forward, kissing down Ed's tummy to his pubic bone, looking up at Ed with a wink as he planted a kiss right on the head of the dildo.

Ed's fingers clenched in the sheets as Stede pressed the head of his dick to his hole.

"Yes," he sighed, his body shaking with relief and pleasure as Stede eased in. Stede had been very generous with the lube, so the slide was slick and easy, and with both his holes full, Ed felt -

"So tight," Stede breathed, his hips rolling in tiny little jerks as he fully buried himself inside Ed. "You're so tight like this, sweetheart. Feel good?"

Ed wiggled his hips. "More?"

"Your wish is my command," Stede laughed, getting his hands on Ed's hips so he could hold him in place. Ed's hands flew up to grab at the pillows, trying to anchor himself as Stede immediately set a steady, firm pace, fucking him hard into the mattress.

The dildo bobbed between Ed's legs, bouncing with each thrust, and Ed's toes curled at the sight. He whined shamelessly, begging for more, and Stede just pounded into him until he felt desperate enough to start to reach down to touch himself.

"Hands above your head," Stede said firmly.

Ed snapped his hands back into place. "Will you touch my cock? Please?"

Stede obligingly reached between them to grope at the strap, taking his time with it. He teased Ed with the lightest touches he could manage, stroking it lightly in just the right way to tease Ed's clit as it moved, swirling his thumb around the head just like he would a real cock.

As much as Stede was trying to tease him, just the image of Stede jerking off the strap and the sensation of getting pleasure from it was sending Ed rapidly towards the edge anyway.

"Please," Ed half-sobbed, his eyes filling with helpless tears, a bit too far gone to even know what he was begging for. "Please, Stede, please."

"You're alright, good boy," Stede said, folding Ed nearly in half so he could fuck into him hard and fast, pressing the sweetest kisses to Ed's cheeks. "You're being so good, Ed, such a good boy for me. Taking it so well. Letting me touch your pretty cock. So tight and good for me."

"Thank you," Ed squeaked. "Can I come, please?"

"Yeah?" Stede smiled down at him obligingly, and he finally started jerking the strap properly, maintaining the fantasy by twisting his wrist at the head on every upstroke and giving Ed more than enough friction against his clit. "You gonna come for me? Gonna be my good boy and come on my cock?"

"Yes," Ed gasped, his hips jerking, his body unable to decide between grinding into the friction or rocking down on Stede's cock. "I'm gonna - you're gonna make me -"

"Come on my cock like a good boy, Ed," Stede said, just firm enough that Ed took it as an order.

He came, hard, gasping and shaking with it, and he barely had time to come down from the oversensitivy before Stede was taking his hand off the strap to grab Ed's hips hard, holding him steady for a few last powerful slams before he stilled, groaning into Ed's ear as he filled him up.

Ed giggled breathlessly, wiggling his hips, loving the feeling of Stede's hips jerking weakly as he came inside him.

"So," Stede said, kissing Ed's cheek as he straightened up, "I think that plan worked."

"Mm, can't talk right now." Ed hissed softly as Stede pulled out, immediately reaching up to him for cuddles. "You fucked my brains out."

Ed didn't want to take the strap out, not yet, so Stede spooned him, occasionally reaching down to play with the trickle of come from Ed's hole.

When they both finally felt up to moving again, when Ed had begrudingly allowed Stede to slip the strap out, he still had to clean himself up because he didn't quite feel up to letting anyone else touch him without the strap in.

"You know I wouldn't change a thing about your body," Stede told him, still obviously a bit worried.

"I know," Ed promised, kissing the corner of Stede's mouth because he knew that would always make Stede kiss him again. "Still just feel like this sometimes. No one's fault."

No one's fault. Not Ed's, either. He was getting better at believing that.

When they made it back to the living room, and Stede sat down to finish his book and Ed booted up Stardew Valley, he felt much better.

They glanced up at the same time as Stede turned a page, made eye contact across the room. Love you, Stede mouthed.

Ed mouthed back an I love you more!

Stede let him win that little game, tonight.

[bots-and-cons]

Hello!

I have looked through your masterlist but didn’t find anything platonic for Starscream, so maybe you would find this prompt interesting?

What if TFP Decepticons caught a young reader (teenage to early twenties ig) and Megatron forced Starscream to deal with them? How would he react to gradually growing more and more protective of his ward? How would he react to the reader growing attached to him in return? I feel like there it so much potential in a found family dynamic of papa!Starscream and the youngin’ he’s supposed to take care of 🥹 can be a drabble or headcannons, up to you ✨

I usually use "reader" in the masterlist for platonic stuff and "s/o" for romantic stuff, so there should be some for Starscream too, at least I’m pretty sure. I kinda just rambled about whatever came to mind

•Starscream was not very happy about being assigned as your babysitter

•You’re of course an adult and don’t need any babysitting, but dealing with giant alien robots is very new for you, so it’s not too bad to have someone helping out with the adjustment

•If you can really call it helping

•Starscream is annoyed all the time, mostly because he doesn’t really know how to deal with a human

•I mean he barely knows how to get along with his own species, so how is he supposed to get along with someone who he has nothing on common with

•On the other hand he doesn’t really care if he gets along with you, he just wants to keep you alive as Megatron ordered

•At least that’s the case at first, but when you’re stuck with each other pretty much all the time you start to grow on him

•You were never really very scared of him, but of course he did make you nervous because of his size and winning personality /s

•He doesn’t really even notice how much he comes to enjoy your company

•Starscream is honestly kind of scared of feeling comfortable with someone, even if he doesn’t realize it himself

•He’s never really had that before, since the decepticons are not exactly a warm and fuzzy bunch

•He ends up being pretty protective of you, but he’s terrified that you’d see him like he sees himself and that you’d hate him

•You’ve also got your insecurities, and even though you rarely talk about them, he’s not blind

•Even though Starscream is very self centered, when you get into his circle, he also extends that same treatment to you

•And there is no one else in his circle than you, since he’s never connected with anyone like that

•You and Starscream talk a lot of shit about what’s going on at the Nemesis, you both love some good gossip, especially if it can be beneficial to either of you

•Starscream doesn’t really trust that pleasant feeling he has about his connection with you, because feelings like that have never lasted before, someone always betrays or leaves him

•But when you tell him he’s like family to you, he just sort of leaves the room, because he doesn’t know how to react

•He’s happy about it, but again, major trust issues

•You’ve grown close, and even though building trust has been a long process, it’s been worth it

[it-happened-one-fic]

Blood-Stained Camellias - Ayato (Part 2)

Author Notes: Part 2 of this short fic series with Vampire!Ayato! Starting with this chapter, this fic is being edited while I listen to the song "Marry You" by Bruno Mars. I honestly feel kind of bad for Reader, considering the situation I've put them in here, but it all gets better by the end, don't worry. As per usual, Reader is gender-neutral. I hope you enjoy!

Type: Gender-Neutral Reader/ Vampire! AU/ Arranged Marriage/ pining/ romance/ some drama/ fluff with a touch of angst/ sfw

Word Count: 1463

[Part One], [Part Two: You're Here!], [Part 3], [Part 4]

Trigger Warning: Vampires, Mentions of Blood

It had been a week since I’d learned that Ayato was a vampire, and since then, I hadn’t heard a single thing from the Kamisato clan. 

But the silence was anything but reassuring. In fact, it was only making me more anxious.

Not only did I not know how they were going to react to me learning about their rather large and certainly condemning secret, but it was upsetting that they hadn’t contacted me considering my position in relation to them.

I was supposed to be marrying Ayato soon, meaning I would soon be joining both their clan and their family. Ayaka would be my sister-in-law, and Thoma would be a close family friend, while Ayato….. 

Ayato would be my husband.

And though I hadn’t realized, I had become quite so attached to them; I was unsettled and definitely bothered by the silence. Maybe even hurt….

Ayaka was a dear friend, even though our friendship had largely begun due to my politically arranged engagement to Ayato. Thoma was an ally to me as well in a myriad of ways. And, as for Ayato, though I preferred not to consider it, I had become attached to him as well.

My fingers tapped out a nonsensical beat against the table in front of me as I considered what my future might hold now.

Before, it had been marriage and then a family life with the Kamisato clan as I assisted in leading the clan itself. But now I didn’t know.

And even with the crystal clear realization of my lack of knowledge, I still viewed everyone at the Kamisato clan as close, important friends, and I knew without a shadow of a doubt that I would never tell anyone about Ayato’s vampirism. Especially since I knew that would most definitely result in a witch hunt that would likely end in the death of the man I’d come to care for. And even if I hadn’t grown to care for him, I still wouldn’t say anything because I knew perfectly well how much vampires were feared.

After all, up until that fateful night that was not so long ago, I’d genuinely believed that there weren’t any vampires in Inazuma. It had been lauded as one of the few good effects of the Sakoku decree. Because when nothing else could get into Inazuma, the same could be said for vampires.

Which led to the question of how, exactly, Ayato had become one? At the very least, his vampirism did explain his distaste for public appearances, but that hardly remedied the issue.

Because I had to admit that, even after I’d had time to process it all, the knowledge of his vampirism was unsettling.

Though whether that was because he was a vampire or because he hadn’t told me, I didn’t know.

I hardly knew how I’d react or what I’d say when I next saw Ayato, especially after Ayaka and Thoma had hurriedly bundled me out of the Kamisato clan that evening with reassurances that everything would be explained and earnest pleas for me to not say anything.

Which left only one thing as being for sure. That I would most definitely see Ayato again. 

But that came as no surprise. Ayato wasn’t one to leave things hanging. Which meant it was just a matter of time until I had to face him and make my final decision about what I was going to do.

As if on cue, my door was knocked on lightly, and I called out tiredly as I glanced its way, fully expecting to see either my father, with questions about the silence from Ayato despite our upcoming wedding, or a maid, “Come in.”

My eyes widened as, rather than anyone I’d expected, Ayato stepped in with a sly smile on his face that was by now perfectly familiar after our numerous marriage meetings. 

His appearance here alone was enough to tell me that night had already fallen, and I faltered as he calmly closed the door behind him.

“I thought that I might surprise you, and it seems I have caught you wholly off-guard,” His tone was as ever, polite with just a hint of amusement that was clearly visible on his face.

I swallowed, barely getting started speaking before I immediately had to correct myself as I realized, yet again, that I no longer knew where I stood with this man, my husband-to-be, “Aya— Mr. Kamisato. I’d expected word, but not—”

“Not for me to personally come and visit?” His eyes glimmered with unconcealed amusement as he watched me start to scramble to my feet before he amusedly held up a single hand to stop me, “Don’t worry, you can stay seated. I do believe we’re close enough to not have to worry about formalities or polite titles while it's just the two of us, at the very least.”

I sank back down in silent relief. I hadn’t realized it until I started to stand, but the moment he’d come in my legs had begun to feel weak with bundled up anxiety that had been festering the entire time I’d waited on some sort of word from him.

And I didn’t even bother to hide my surprise as I watched Ayato calmly walk over and sit down across from me. Apparently giving me time to collect my thoughts as he elegantly got himself settled.

And finally, after just a little more idle adjusting, he smiled at me in quiet amusement, “I’m sure you have many questions?”

I nodded lightly at his words, quietly noting how his smile was wholly at odds with the cold expression he’d worn the night I’d found out what he was. This was the Ayato, with his all-too frequent mischievousness and habit of laughing at others, that I knew and had grown fond of. But I couldn’t but remain wary of the other side of him that I’d gained a mere glimpse of that night.

I did my best to force myself back into a state of reasonably neutral calm, though, as I responded, “And I’m sure you have many concerns.”

I trailed off, eyeing him carefully but finding myself met with a perfectly calm mask of politeness that had me frowning slightly. Because he’d always been better at this game than I was, having no doubt played it countless times with varying political opponents from a very young age.

I surrendered with a soft sigh, realizing that there was no way I’d get any answers by playing this game with him when I was quite so outmatched, “When did you get turned into a vampire?”

My voice came out soft. Low enough that I doubted much of anyone could hear what I said beyond Ayato. And if he was bothered by my admittedly blunt question, he didn’t show it on his face as his tone shifted to something more businesslike, “Shortly after my parents died. I suspect it was something of any assassination attempt from someone who’d made it across the sea.”

I frowned at his words, silently noting how devoid of emotion they were.

That had been a tumultuous time for the Kamisato clan, and something I’d only really learned about through hearsay until I’d become engaged to Ayato.

But taking over as the clan head had no doubt been difficult enough for Ayato. Coping with being turned into a vampire as well though…..

I stayed silent as he continued, trying not to pay too much attention to how the mischievous gleam had disappeared from Ayato’s eyes in the same way that his polite smile was gone. Making him resemble the way he’d look that night more and more as he spoke, “Ayaka, Thoma, and a few others at the Kamisato Estate, as well as yourself since you found out, are the only ones who know.”

I shifted uncomfortably, not surprised by the small number but also not at all confident about my position on that list.

I was hesitant as I met his light-colored eyes, my fingers twitching where I’d linked them together under the table, “And what do you plan on doing?”

I was proud that my voice didn’t waver as I eyed him, but in no way was I prepared for the smile that spread across his face. Like a ripple flowing out across water and causing my eyes to widen even as he spoke, “I intend to move forward, as I’d already planned too.”

He paused, leaving me hanging as he reached into his sleeve and pulled out a single, perfectly pink camellia that I stared at in slight surprise even as he continued with an all-too-pleased expression, “So let me ask, this time without any political pressure on either of us. Would you do me the honor of marrying me?”

[offorestsongs]

Hihi!!!

For Lysander: 4

For you: 🪶 - First longform/multi-chapter piece you've written

Thank you!!

hiiii thanks for the ask!! 🫶

4. First time experiencing grief

okay so. we're getting into some Lore TM! i don't think he had ever literally grieved anyone, because he just didn't had anyone close to him die. but! if we're talking in a more metaphorical sense! he was raised by his grandma and never knew his parents, but when he was little, he used to imagine them a lot and trying to come up with stories why he had never met them and it was all very nice and idealised (his grandma refused to even touch the topic so he just kinda allowed his mind to run) until he got older and learned (kind of on accident) that they basically abandoned him on purpose and in a way, he really had to take time to grieve all the "what ifs" he came up with and used to comfort himself with on worse days. it was... rough, especially since he didn't really have anyone to talk about it and it only made him feel more lonely and now he doesn't dare to dream about having anything nice for himself ever

First longform/multi-chapter piece you've written

oh my- see, i've been writing for so long, i honestly don't remember the first-first longform thing i've ever attempted to write, but i do rememeber the first multichapter thing i've finished writing. being the adhd bitch i am, it's super hard for me to finish any longform writing projects and i've only recently been learning how to impliment some routine and go about finishing things. but the first multichapter thing i've finished was way before that. and it was uhhhh,,,, a modern au fanfic for the adventure zone: balance that i wrote in a hyperfixation-induced haze sometime in early high school. im sure that fic and taz: balance in general (which was one of my biggest obsessions) sort of kickstarted my love for sibling angst. i've never published the fic because i'm insecure and only started sharing my writing pretty recently because of it </3 i don't think the story i wrote was super good, but i have a big soft spot for it, because it did touch on some themes that i still like and i remember that baby algy had a lot of fun with it! i support younger me having fun with silly things! also fun fact when the taz hyperfixation ran out, i was so attached to the fic i've written that i just kind of turned it into an original story lmao. i never finished writing the un-fanfictioned rewrite but every once in a while i try to do it again because the characters i came up with for it have been haunting!!! my!!! brain!!! even though it's been years djfjjgjdfjfj

[nyxtheshipper]

I just came out of a five year relationship. Yes, five years. Five and a half almost six. The first five years we worked fine, then great, sometimes okay, but always good. We met in a private high school that was very prestigious. He didn't have a scholarship, I did, so imagine the disparity between his life and mine.

In the beginning it wasn't so obvious, he lived with his mom in a decent house, not too ostentatious, so our daily lives were kind of the same. He did his chores, helped his mom cook, cleaned the house or sometimes had someone to help them clean - something surprisingly common here in Mexico. My family also sometimes had someone to help us clean, but most of the time we cleaned our house ourselves. The point is, even if he clearly had money, he didn't flaunt it.

But you know what happened? Slowly, during college, during the pandemic, and when we moved cities to go to college after the pandemic, it started to show. The funny thing about school is that it's still a controlled environment, doesn't matter whether you're in college or already working while in college. We had it relatively easy. We knew our lives were here, right now, gearing towards graduation - towards the void that was being filled up by maybe an assured position thanks to the fact that the colleges were also private.

You can plan an entire life in school, dream about it, even play house. But the reality is harsh, and once you lose the structure, it's not playing anymore. The bubble pops.

That's when things get real. For a long time, my ex and I lived in that bubble. I was working and studying, trying to pay my bills while also keeping afloat my grades and a relationship. I kind of managed, but believed that it was gonna pay off once we finished and my ex and I were finally going to live together and actually start our own lives. That's how you manage to stay sane with a lot of pressure on top of you.

It also helps to see that your ex is more down to Earth than you expect, having been born and raised in a life of privilege. He's also living alone, paying bills, but his family is the one that gives him the money, and it shows. It shows in your meals, in the dates he takes you to that you can't afford. And, honestly, you start sympathizing with those Hallmark/Kdrama girls that get everything from their rich love interest. It sucks.

And before you come for me about privilege, etc. I. Know. But also, what they don't show you and what I had to learn the hard way is the rules. Once that bubble pops, and you're presented with your partner's reality, you see the incredible amount of strings that that money has attached. And it fucking sucks! For a long time, being in college, away from our families, we were able to be ourselves, and in a traditional household, that is gold!

Mexican families are still so misogynistic with many many things. And I had the privilege to have a mom that doesn't take shit from the patriarchy, especially when my dad tries to enforce it, but my ex? The moment he stepped out of that bubble, he had to go back to the traditions. It didn't matter whether I had shown him that women are equals, that he didn't have to be the sole provider, or that I was teaching him that he's allowed to cry, to feel, to get angry, to just be!

The moment he stepped out of his bubble, he fell apart. Since I had moved to the same city as him during college, he was never truly alone. But now, having left the country for a semester, on the brink of graduating, he was truly for the first time ever alone. And he couldn't cope. He asked a lot from me, making me his whole world and expecting me to be there 24/7, and I didn't react kindly to that. We discussed - not fought, discussed - and we tried to reach agreements. For me, he was being too clingy, and I had my own problems and my own life to look after. I also saw the opportunity he was in as something amazing and to be taken advantage of, and that he needed to make friends desperately.

For him, it was the worst time of his life.

Did I know he was having SUCH a bad time? No. Why? Because, as is tradition in his particular socioeconomic circle, men are not allowed to show emotion. He could only be calm. Even when he told me he was tired, it was the same as a robot telling you they're tired.

He could not show anger, he could not show he was sad, hell, whenever we "fought" it was more like a business meeting of what steps we were going to take to not let the discussion happen again. Everything I had tried to show him, that he could express his feelings, of me asking him to show me he was angry instead of just telling me, all gone.

And today, we broke up. He broke up with me, more like, and he did it amicably. Without showing emotion, just telling me what he feels. As usual.

And that's not okay. Can you imagine someone breaking up with you as if you were business partners only? When I asked him one last time to be angry, to show emotion, he said it wasn't appropriate nor polite. And as much as it pisses me off, I can't blame him entirely.

He's 2 meters tall in a country where you are considered tall at 1.80. Of course many people have told him he's scary, especially when he gets mad, even his ex told him that.

There are many things wrong with today's culture here in Mexico, don't even get me started on the way his family started trying to put me into the stereotypical housewife box. But today, I saw something that hurt me more: a man who couldn't express his feelings, not even while breaking up a five year relationship, simply because it was deemed impolite and even scary if he expressed himself.

[yyyyanyan]

Book Club: The Heroes of Olympus series by Rick Riordan

part 2 of my Camp Halfblood Chronicles binge!

It had suchhh a strong start with The Lost Hero. I love all three of them to bits (especially Jason but also ALL of them are my babies I'm holding them in my palms). The Roman/Greek split blew my mind when I first read this book years ago and honestly I'm still kind of processing it LOL. I'm obsessed with how Piper works on her charmspeak and getting comfortable in her own skin and Leo and his relationship with his fire powers??? god amazing!! And Jason I always felt like was such a strong stern type and I'm just attached to him. I think specifically he came off super perfect at first (especially with how Piper had her crush on him) and it was so pleasant to see him failing.

I like The Son of Neptune slightly less but not for any specific reason I can pinpoint--I think I just really vibed with the Jason-Piper-Leo trio. I did think it was absolutely sick that we got to see Percy is utterly insanely powerful and Hazel's backstory had me on the edge of my seat the whole time. I also have a soft spot for Frank since he's Chinese-Canadian (one nitpick: what is his Chinese name Fai supposed to be?).

Unfortunately, I really lost my drive by the third and fourth books ToT I think there was just too many POVs and every time I was getting in the swing of things it was time for a new character in a new situation. And I'm sorry but Tartarus was such a drag for me!! I feel like I didn't get enough of a sense of just how miserable and horrible it was and honestly I just felt sad for Bob/Iaepetus all the time. The one positive of the variety of perspectives was, again, seeing Percy being a madlad from outsider POV <3

Anyways once once I finished Book 4 and went to the last book (Blood of Olympus) it went way faster--I was so excited about reading from Reyna's and Nico's perspectives! Reyna and Nico are sooo good together they're my #1 brotp (maybe). Honestly though once I got to this point I was kind of like, "seven halfbloods" answering the call feels so arbitrary to me? Both Reyna and Nico play such critical roles--especially Nico--that I feel kind of robbed that they're not officially listed as people in the prophecy. This is also the place where I say: ngl I think Annabeth being one of the seven was totally lame LOL (I like Annabeth though!) I feel like she had more of a supporting role and her Athena prophecy could have been a quest that was helping this big one (also 'cause it wasn't listed in this one). However this is definitely also my Nico bias talking because Nico is definitely one of my top blorbos in PJO

Anyways it's been like maybe two or three weeks since I finished the whole series and I have to say the ending was really underwhelming to me. I'm literally not even sure I could tell you what happened in Blood of Olympus in detail. I was so sure it was going to be even more epic and even grander and it kind of totally missed the mark? I remember being so moved and feeling the battles in The Last Olympian so vividly and this one felt so weak. I also thought that Gaea would be like... more prominent I guess? I literally think Tartarus ended up being more scary and he featured so much less. The final defeat was so underwhelming lmao :'D

Kind of related to the above is: I also felt more and more as the series went on that Leo really was a seventh wheel, in the sense that he just didn't seem as close to everyone else. I wish his relationship with Frank had been less prickly especially after the main point of their antagonism was resolved (like why did Leo ALWAYS have to make Frank the butt of the joke?), and I also wish the weird almost-Hazel/Leo thing just didn't happen? I feel like at that point she already liked Frank and neither she nor he really got invested in the sort-of-romance and I feel like if they had just settled into just being friends after the whole revelation thing then it would have made sense. It was exciting that Leo was the key to winning the battle, but I felt like it lacked emotional impact because he felt so separate from them all. Calypso and Leo ARE the cutest though and I was/am rooting so hard for them

The last thing is, I feel like there were a lot of like... plot points that didn't go anywhere? I can't tell if they were put in so they would get resolved in the third series but I'm kind of disappointed that they weren't dealt with in this series. So the ones that I picked up/am really interested in are:

Percy getting more violent/merciless and being scared of it

Jason's sort of... struggle between Roman and Greek? Specifically I feel like in the first book he was so Roman and then suddenly it became that he had a conflict(??) and felt more Greek. I guess with this one it's less that it was unresolved but more it came out of nowhere for me and I kind of wish it had been laid out more from the beginning. I will continue my salt in my ramblings of the sequel series btw

Hazel coming back from the dead?? Did Nico just see her and go "I'm taking her" and that was it lol or was there something else...?

[bearpillowmonster]

Smallville S8

A lot consider this to be the last good season because it's Lex's last, which in a way, it's kind if Lex's story. He has the best moments. Had you asked me when I was a kid, I would've said that it makes sense to have him leave at some point but in the format of a TV show, it's strange to see an actor go after so many seasons. The question I'm going to argue is whether it's a worthy sendoff.

So we start off...Clark's lost his powers...and gets them back in the same episode...from the sun? So going directly in the sun, reboots his powers no matter what? So no, Luthor does not spend the whole season with Clark on a leash as his personal bidder. We don't even see Luthor for a good majority of it.

We have some new players to the ball field now though to take his place, just in general. Our man, Sam Witwer, for example. He's a paramedic, which is a point of view that I'm immediately interested in aside from being a fan of his. Someone on the front lines doing the minion work to keep Clark humble. What's funny though is that instead of Clark being in everyone's sights, it's Chloe. Chloe and Jimmy had a thing going on and they literally get engage in this first episode but our man, Sam- Davis (we'll call him Dr. Day for short) has a crush on her but sees her with Clark so it's like a double whammy.

Obviously Clark isn't really interested BUT he mentions after a near death experience that the life he saw flash before his eyes, he's ready to leave behind. Which echoes S2 and the Red K, kind of crazy but honestly I'm fine with seeing him leave Smallville behind (looks at the title) Oh, he just said that, didn't he? It's more just a "moving up in the world" type of quote. ESPECIALLY since it enables him to get his Planet job and start some actual flirting with Lois *clap clap clap*

But- Lana? Yeah, she's absent for a good while too. She's kind of like the antithesis of Clark's new leaf because he's learning to sacrifice everything in his life but with Lana, he wants to preserve it, to keep his attachments. In a way, it's holding him back but you kind of can't blame him for looking back and forth when it's framed that way. But all seems fine and good but know that there's an underlying thread ...a dark plot that lingers and it's not good, it's really strange. In fact, I'd say it argues the dumb witch plot of yesteryear, like a weird fanfiction between two characters. I think part of it has to do with paying actors though because they like to make it like "Oh, guess what, I'm acting as two characters at once." like how Zod was just the other actors at one point but whatever, I guess that's not the total point of the season.

Jimmy and Chloe actually have a marriage going on and...it's in Clark's barn? Wth? More of that budget thing I was talking about them glossing over. They make it in a semi-Paranormal Activity/Cloverfield type filming though, which- was around the time those came out. Idk, I feel like some stuff, Smallville isn't good with transitioning into but it's good with what's there. "Suddenly Clark and Lois like each other" and they put them in situations that build that relationship but it feels more a spur of the season sort of thing, previous seasons always liked to keep the backdoor open so closure never seemed to be met with much. What's there is really good a lot of the time though if you look at it from a singular lense.

As if that isn't weird enough, the Legion is here. Like...we get this really good moment between Clark and Lana about working together and then the Legion comes to solve it for them. I don't even care to see them in the series as a whole, they're better as an unspoken thing. I much view this world as its own away from the established universes because Clark is essentially weaker, yeah he's in his younger years, but imagine he stays that way, a lot more grounded like the clips I saw from Crisis. Like he took on the world as a kid like one big headrush and then as an adult he actually gets to reap the benefits and live his life. That's just my impression of this series but seeing them blatantly ignore a lot of potential development by introducing them this way feels bad (though they say that carbon fuels will be replaced in 2028 so there's still hope). The beginning of this season was nice and clean but the seeds to dirty itself up were always there and they began to sprout right here.

It also kind of takes a detour from there because it was all building up to that moment and introduced so much stuff in that episode that it felt like it had to dedicate and stray away from the rest for a little bit, which makes it seem like it's losing steam but at the same time still shoveling in coal. If I had to give this season a tag, it's that it toes the line to where he reveals himself as a super but finds subliminal reasons in other people to keep a secret identity. Asking himself why he's 'the man of tomorrow' and not yesterday.

All in all, carrying on the legacy of Lex (who all takes his place) is actually done quite well, redefining what we thought we knew about the series and giving us some really good 2000s angst along with it, that's half the reason I joined. (There's one scene in particular with Dr. Day that I will just never forget) Now the departure of Lex is a different story, while the set-up was fine and dandy, the ending was horrid in my opinion, I imagine they wanted to make it ambiguous enough that if he wanted to come back, they could do it but this is not his final season, the last one was, I wouldn't go into this one thinking that way. (Though the last one didn't tie up much did it)

Oh and look kryptonite money.

I guess you could say that money IS kryptonite or maybe the money is worth more in the vending machine that way? Who know what the heck they were thinking, but I'm here for it. (that'd be a really evil and dastardly plot to try and uproot Superman, Luthor, take notes. (I guess that's why he's more of an American Express guy))

(good pic to warn you of MILD ACTUAL SPOILERS) As far as the ending for this season, everyone usually has a big cliffhanger ending and the first half of the last episode is great, it sets up a bunch, it does good work but then the second half just throws it in the trash, like they just obliterated it.

Let's work backwards, spoiler, they set up Zod again, which, big surprise there, they set him up earlier this season and then had this orb thingie and it's just stupid to me, I liked some of the villains this time around but they need to know who to bring back and who to put away. So it's not just a 'choice' thing, it's a writing thing.

Dr. Day gets flubbed, like, what was the point of all that build up then and I get that's part of the point but it's like a complete 180 for so many characters right there, the love triangle in Jimmy, Chloe and Dr. Day and even Clark. Clark choosing to be pure alien from now on is something we haven't explored yet and I see the reasoning behind it but this is just a kind of dumb way to go about it.

Not to mention that Clark is mid fighting a villain before cutting back to Chloe and then surprise, it's all over. Like- what happened to the plan? The villain? We just cut away and it's the next day?? Hello? End of the world threat here and you're just gonna skim over that. "How'd you make it out alive?" "Oh, I don't know, I got out just before she pressed the button I guess." That's a stupid kind of stupid, not even time constraints can make that one up. I don't care if you ran out of budget because that's the only logical explanation I can come up with but you work around it, you write around it, you do something! You don't just ignore the whole reason for the episode and skip to the aftermath. I don't care if you show the battle or not after that, just give me some sense of finality because it completely takes away from whatever scene you put next, that was all I was thinking about after that was "why?"

It turns out it's a blink and you miss it moment, there's an explosion and that's just meant to be the end? I didn't even realize until I looked it up and was like "I must've been looking away or something but it still isn't satisfactory."

[riddlerosehearts]

Ok, I need to know your fob album ranking and top 10 songs, GO!

oooh okay so i need to start by saying that i am heavily biased toward their older stuff because... i've listened to fall out boy since i was probably too young to listen to fall out boy AFGKJDF and their pre-hiatus albums essentially shaped my music taste and helped me get through a lot of difficult times in my life. so i'm really just generally more attached to them than the rest but i do like every single one of their albums at least a little because they all have songs i love. i also had to think about this a bit and am still not sure if it's a perfect ranking because i'm incredibly indecisive. but this is what i'm feeling right now! (also i apologize in advance for adding a bunch of commentary and rambling instead of just giving you the ranking LOL)

albums:

from under the cork tree - was the first FOB album i ever listened to so i'm biased but it's so fucking good. especially if you include the bonus tracks from it. there is not a single song on here that i don't love.

infinity on high - contains my favorite FOB song (okay maybe it's illogical that my #1 song is from my #2 album but listen... it's a very close #2), aesthetically has the coolest album cover, and it's just fantastic all around--again, especially if you include the bonus tracks.

take this to your grave - i feel like a lot of people hate TTTYG nowadays and i'll never understand why. it's a great album. it's classic pop punk and just pure fun.

folie a deux - literally never understood the hate this album got when it came out!! it's so good!! i remember listening to the whole thing the same day as it dropped and loving it and being so confused seeing how much people complained about it :(

so much (for) stardust - okay i actually love this album so much that #5 feels too low but if i switched it with folie then #5 would feel too low for folie so idk 😭😭 my favorite post-hiatus album BY FAR though. it's sooo good and it's also special to me because i literally never got to see fall out boy live until they toured for its release last year.

save rock and roll - has some misses for me, as do the albums i've ranked below it, but overall i like my favorite songs from SRAR more than i like my faves from the albums below, and it gets bonus points for how cool the youngblood chronicles is + the nostalgia i associate with FOB's return from their hiatus.

american beauty/american psycho - ABAP gets a lot of hate but i think it kind of rocks actually and putting it at #7 feels slightly wrong. it's really only this low because something has to be and because again, i like my favorite SRAR songs more than my favorite ABAP songs.

mania - i think a lot of people on here get mad if you put MANIA last so i'm sorry afksjgdsf. it honestly just has the lowest number of songs i really like and has several that i don't. though i will say that last of the real ones is a certified banger and i was so glad it had a permanent spot on the tourdust setlist.

songs:

hum hallelujah - my beloved 💙💙 when i saw FOB live they had a slot on the setlist where each night they'd either play bang the doldrums or hum hallelujah and i won't lie, i did feel disappointed for a second when doldrums started. i got over it because i love that song too but. hum hallelujah is one of my all time favorite songs.

i slept with someone in fall out boy and all i got was this stupid song written about me - my favorite song on FUTCT and another all time fave. i also think this is the funniest song title of all time btw.

XO

G.I.N.A.S.F.S. - so jealous of anyone who's gotten to see this played live as a magic 8-ball song :(

calm before the storm - this having a permanent spot on the tourdust setlist got me hyped like you wouldn't believe because they had last played it in 2007. underappreciated banger.

love from the other side - this was literally my top song of 2023 on my spotify wrapped. i made an angsty raeda gifset with lyrics from it not long after the single came out because it made me so insane.

sugar we're goin' down - might be a bit of a basic choice but it was the first FOB song i ever liked and it fucking slaps 💖 also when i saw them live i swear patrick changed the lyrics to "wishing to be the friction in his jeans" which is just. legendary and iconic of him.

disloyal order of water buffaloes

grand theft autumn/where is your boy - again, a basic choice, but sometimes things are popular for a reason!

the carpal tunnel of love

[number-1-kuaidul-fanboy]

Okay, I'm gonna say it.

And people are not gonna like me for this.

But every other character (except Damamu who's second) fell off so hard in season 2 that my current favourite character is Tremolo:

Yes, the guy who gives everyone, including myself on occasion, "the ick." And that's not without reason. Despite that though, I've found myself consistently entertained by this little idiot character and I want to talk about why.

Ramble with SPOILERS FOR EPISODE 69 continued under the cut

Let's get the elephant in the room out of the way now: the way he refers to his three secretaries is creepy and I don't like that relationship and if that becomes worse, it'll drag Go Rush even further down for me. Right now though, it feels more like a writers issue than a character issue.

So now for why I do like Tremolo. I've liked his character since his duel with Yuhi and initially, it was just because I thought his attachment for his cards was both funny and sweet:

The way he speaks of his war machine of death maximum monster like it is just the cutest thing in the universe was something I could actually relate to with my own cards before I realised that the story was going the route of maximums being carded people. So that part's kind of awkward for me now in retrospect, especially with what they did with said carded people. Part of me still wants to know why Tremolo values them so much but the other part of me wants these writers to stay as far away from it as possible because they've broken my trust and it's creepy enough already. Really the only way it can be saved at this point is if Tremolo views those three as sisterly figures or something which... yeah, please do that. That would be great. Go Rush, if you don't do it I'll write a fanfic of it. Just. Do it. Save me the work please.

Regardless however, Tremolo is one thing that nearly every other Go Rush character isn't: original. He's the younger sibling of a guy who can turn into a freaking dragon during duels, implying he could have this ability too.

He was visibly distraught when that secret about his brother became public knowledge.

He went against his brother's orders in an attempt to protect him and even when his own brother imprisoned him for this, he didn't stop worrying about him and being loyal to him.

His maximum cards came to life and stalk him and he avoids them but throws himself at them to save them from a falling UFO.

He did THIS:

Tremolo has a lot going for him, a lot that hasn't ever been done in Yugioh before. Quite frankly, alongside Damamu and Phaser (who are probably second and third right now) he's the most original element Go Rush has. He's clearly problematic morally but one thing he isn't is boring. I've enjoyed every one of his duels and smaller appearances, including the most recent episode. As bad as that episode was from a technical standpoint, it honestly woke me up from my coma with this show: suddenly I was smiling and laughing and enjoying myself as I liveblogged Go Rush. This show was starting to feel like a chore and next episode probably will again but at least for this brief shining moment, I had fun. So for the moment at least, I like the problematic and controversial Tremolo Ryugu.

[cheeriecherrymain]

Behind the scene lore, behind the scene lore!!!

I wanna know more about Viktor's life as he grew up with his penpal friend

omg yes yes! so im thinking this up right as i write it but that's okay because i enjoy the tasty prompt!

So there was a tiny bit of his backstory in chapter 9, but not a lot, so i'll try and expand a little bit on that. He lost his mom first, and then his dad just kind of Disappeared, but i honestly can't decide what Exactly happened to him. Like if he just left and never came home because he got into some kind of trouble, or if he'd been planning on leaving Viktor purposefully.

it's a personal headcanon that Viktor looks like his mom, so maybe his dad saw too much of his deceased wife in his face, and couldn't look at him anymore.

I wanna say that Vik found the pen a couple weeks before his dad took off, though. And because the Reader hadn't gotten a hold of the rest of the set yet, it functioned as a normal pen would. He probably used it to learn what he could about machinery, sketching out his designs and concepts on scraps of paper he was able to find.

It's probably only a week or so after being abandoned that the two of them start talking. HC that the Reader is a little bit older than Viktor, either by weeks or months. But at that age, he probably only Kind Of understands how bad things are - like his situation is dire, but until they left him, I wanna say that his parents did a decently okay job at protecting him.

Like yeah, he grew up in desolate poverty, and he was probably surrounded by hardened hearts and violence, but he wasn't directly involved with it. In a sense, they allowed him to have a soft heart that cares about people and the world and animals. He's not blind to what's going on by any means, but I want to say he can still see the good in people to some degree. He's not as jaded.

Really, the pen turns out to be a blessing to him. He could have learned all the stuff that the Reader was helping him with on his own, but it would have taken him a lot longer. He's kind of on his own after his parents are gone, aside from his long distance friend, who helps him learn things quick enough to survive.

In my mind, he gets a job at a weird little repair shop. Once he shows that he has at least some skills and concepts, his employer decides to take a chance on him, and Vik enlists the Reader for help. He figures things out pretty quickly on his own, but he still likes sharing what he does with another person - he's never really had friends his own age, so he gets attached very quickly.

He's definitely worried that they'll leave him, especially in the first couple of months, but as the years pass, he grows more secure about their friendship and trusts that his penpal genuinely cares about him.

His employer probably lets Viktor sleep in the room above the shop in exchange for reduced wages, which is honestly a steal, since he'd kind of just been out on the streets after being abandoned. It's not a big place, literally just a single room with a door and a bed, but it's better than what he had before. He builds a little desk for himself, so he can write and sketch more comfortably. He makes a couple of shelves, over time, and fills them with bits and bobs he's collected.

He and the Reader probably have brainstorming sessions on a regular basis, writing down concepts and nitpicking the details of how something might or might not be possible. Viktor isn't able to get his hands on a lot of the parts necessary to build most of them, but the Reader is. Which is why he recognizes them in their workshop, when they're older and secretly paired together in class.

And the Reader is just so earnestly kind to him, encouraging his interests and hyping him up. He's never really had someone who openly sticks up for him like that, so like I said, he gets attached quickly. I even want to think that he falls in love with the Reader before they fall in love with him. Kind of a puppy love at first, willing to follow them anywhere because they're nice to him, but after getting to know them in person (after figuring out their identity) it morphs into a more serious kind of love: wanting the best for them and wanting them to feel safe and secure, loved, and listened to.

Doesn't stop him from blushing like a schoolboy the first time they kiss him. Viktor.exe has stopped working. We couldn't see it the first time they kissed, because it was dark, and they haven't kissed since - but he's gonna turn into a complete tomato once they start openly being affectionate with each other.

It will take him a little bit to get used to the physical acts of love, but not as long as you'd think. Another personal headcanon is that he's not put off by touching, provided he knows the other person well enough. He's just...awkward about initiating anything. He wants the hug, but he doesn't know how to ask for it, so he'll just stare at his partner looking sad until they somehow gain the ability to read his thoughts.

Bc really, both the Reader and Viktor are still kind of babey in this fic. They're only nineteen. which when you get to be my age, is basically a tall child XD They still have more growing up to do, and i'm honestly contemplating continuing this fic for a while. Working up to their relationship, but then also showing the next couple years of their life. I will need to come up with ideas oof

[wondereads]

Personal Review (04/24/23)

Silver in the Bone by Alexandra Bracken

Summary

Ever since being abandoned by their guardian seven years ago, Tamsin and Cabell Lark have struggled to get by as Hollowers, thieves of magical artifacts. It doesn't help that Cabell is cursed with a particularly violent spell. When Tamsin gets wind of the location of the Ring of Dispel, a ring capable of removing any curse and the item her guardian vanished looking for, she decides she'll do anything to get it. But the competition is fierce, and soon she ends up with her long-time rival and a naive sorceress on the island of Avalon itself.

Plot 1  2  3  4  5  6  7  8  9  10

The plot at the beginning of this book struck me as a little meandering and aimless. Tamsin is seemingly pulled in all sorts of directions—Cabell's curse, the Dispel Ring, Nash's disappearance, her own lack of the One Sight, all kinds of things are going on. However, once the characters arrive in Avalon, things get a little more streamlined. There's one major issue: the island is overrun by the Children of the Night, and priestesses of Avalon have dwindled to a truly miniscule number. Once the real conflict is revealed, I was properly pulled in.

The final 100 or so pages were very strong. There were all kinds of reveals going on, and it had me on the edge of my seat. Tamsin's own connection to the curse is incredibly interesting, and not all the questions have been answered by the end. The twist at the end was insane, and it was a little vindicating since I'd suspected one of the reveals. Also, I knew who the traitor was from the start; they almost made me doubt, but then I was right, which is always fun.

Characters 1  2  3  4  5  6  7  8  9  10

The main character, Tamsin, was at first a little typical. The grumpy, rude, disillusioned protagonist abounds in YA today, and I wasn't really into her at first, but she got better. I think it really helped to have Cabell there; Tamsin's care for her brother balances her prickly personality well. By around halfway through, it's clear that Tamsin is disgustingly pessimistic but by no means an asshole. By the end of the book, especially after seeing how she came to be this way (and then have it happen to her again and her choose to be better this time), I was thoroughly attached.

Cabell is a character I'm torn on. From an analytical perspective, he's quite interesting, but I kept getting annoyed with him. I feel like it's just a side effect of relating so much to Tamsin, who definitely has eldest sister syndrome. Honestly, despite him being such a major character, he wasn't around as much as the other side characters, Neve and Emrys. Neve was sweet, and I think she was good for Tamsin, although I'm hoping to get more information on her backstory. We got a little peek of it, but then it was pushed to the side in favor of the other things going on. Emrys, however, really got me. First, he seems like a great love interest for Tamsin. Second, I thought I had him figured out towards the end, but then everything went off the rails and now I definitely want to see more of him.

The other side characters were pretty good. I particularly liked the priestesses, Cait, Olwen, and Flea. I think that Cait especially was characterized very well, and despite them really only 'joining the group' towards the end, they all were great.

Writing Style 1  2  3  4  5  6  7  8  9  10

While I really like Alexandra Bracken, it's more for her plot and character work than writing. There's nothing wrong with it, I just don't think it stands out in the grand scheme of things. It does what it's supposed to do, and that's about it. I will mention that the pacing feels a little off in the beginning; it feels like Bracken knew where she wanted the characters to end up, but she wasn't sure how to get them there. Once they're in Avalon, everything smooths out, but before it's a little jerky.

Overall 1  2  3  4  5  6  7  8  9  10

Initially, I was having some trouble getting through this book. I think part of it was just how busy I've been, but I do think the beginning just doesn't do it for me. However, it was necessary for the most part, and I really liked the rest of the book. Tamsin grew on me, I was invested in the romance, and the side characters are quite good. The actual plot is full of all kinds of twists and reveals, and it ended on such a good cliffhanger—it definitely makes me want to read the next book! I'd say that even though this book isn't perfect, it's a great read, especially if you're an Arthurian nerd like me.

The Author

Alexandra Bracken: 36, American, also wrote The Darkest Minds, Passenger, and Lore, and she's a Star Wars nerd

The Reviewer

My name is Wonderose; I try to post a review every week, and I do themed recommendations every once in a while. I take suggestions! Check out my about me post for more!