#Holden weird & chatty

[always-tilting-at-windmills]

[always-tilting-at-windmills]

Season 1 vs Season 6 Holden is consistent 😉

#works every time

[jamesholden]

you know what I noticed this season? Holden is unusually quiet.

Naomi has talked about how he gets weird and chatty under pressure or when he’s nervous and like idk this seems like Prime Nervous Energy Material. But because his family isn’t around and he isn’t as comfortable around Bull and Monica he’s just keeping it all in. Even his volume is low when he speaks his one line of 509 to Monica.

I think like... he’s really struggling. He’s trying to keep it all in and keep it together so he can finish the mission, get to Naomi, get to Alex, find out if Amos is okay, find out if his parents are all okay. He’s compartmentalizing like we’ve never seen him do, and he’s suffering in silence when he’d usually be talking to someone. And he knows NOTHING. He’s trying to work all of it out or get information and he’s learning nothing and that has to really scare him. All he knows is that he did as Naomi asked and didn’t go with her to help her and now she’s in trouble and out of reach and he can’t help her yet and he knows absolutely nothing except that she’s out there in trouble and it has to be eating him alive.

it’s just... really sad. and really well done that it’s like noticeable, since a few people I spoke to saw the same thing. Holden’s terrified he’s going to lose his family and he has nowhere to go with these feelings.

Weird and chatty Holden being replaced by quietly suffering Holden just makes me really sad.

EDIT: I forgot that the one time we DID see Holden talk about his feelings after Naomi left, HE DELETED THE MESSAGE AND RE-RECORDED.

[clive-owen-and-the-knick]

https://www.popmatters.com/123302-second-sight-the-complete-collection-2496189035.html

Clive Owen is, as they say, a tall glass of water. Ruggedly handsome, with sleepy, sad eyes, a deep rich voice, and cool and charisma to burn, he seems cut from a classic, if anachronistic, Hollywood mold. Combining a sort of arched-eyebrow knowingness with a heavy-browed brooding vulnerability, he is one part dashing leading man, two parts smoldering noir hunk.

I’m not sure the current film world quite knows what to do with him – though he is generally great in everything he’s been in, he always seems slightly out of place or time, like he just time warped from a late'40s noir that would star Robert Mitchum or William Holden. Perhaps the proper vehicles for Owen's talents and persona just don’t exist anymore, though some films have come close – Sin City and the vastly underrated Duplicity come to mind.

So it’s no surprise that his best work, and the role that catapulted him to fame in the UK, came in a millennial British mystery series, in which he plays a brilliant but brooding, sharp but tortured detective. Second Sight belongs to the same rich tradition of British mystery series as Prime Suspect, or Cracker, or any of the superior police procedurals that wash up on US shores on PBS. Conceived and written by veteran TV writer Paula Milne, Second Sight offers few actual genre surprises, but boasts a central character so richly developed (in such a short space) that he almost deserves equal footing with Helen Mirren’s iconic Jane Tennison.

Like Tennison, Ross Tanner is a brilliant DCI with London homicide. In the titular first “series” (oh the confusion trying to get around what to call each installment of these things, which are called series in the UK, but are more like TV movies by US sensibilities), Tanner is called in to investigate the mysterious death of a young college student visiting home for the weekend. He quickly begins to uncover a story more complex and sordid than it first appears (shocking, that!). Further difficulties arise as Tanner begins to experience various ocular disturbances – blurred vision, seeing things that aren’t there, a weird sort of starlight pixilation of the world around him.

A car crash lands him in front of an eye doctor, who diagnoses him with a rare, degenerative disease (AZOOR, an acronym for a lot of medical gobbledygook, but a real condition) of mysterious origins. Though not resulting in total blindness, the main characteristics, as portrayed from Tanner’s point of view with chintzy camera tricks here, are a certain fuzzed out quality to seeing the world, like it’s been made both super-bright and wrapped in gauze. Occasionally, certain things – faces, key objects – will come in to sharp focus. Or Tanner will see things that should be in a certain place but aren’t, his brain completing the image that is expected.

Tanner’s condition is the crux of the entire series, informing the show’s every aspect – and of course giving it its title. On a practical level, his waning eyesight is a seemingly insurmountable hindrance to his investigatory skills… or is it? There are hints, as the series progresses, especially in its later installments, of AZOOR granting Tanner some sort of mystical insight, allowing entry in to the minds of killers, or making connections in the chain of events that other detectives can’t see.

However, Second Sight never really commits to this angle, on how much importance to give to the quasi-supernatural aspects of his vision problem. It always just pulls back (rightly) from fully turning Tanner into some sort of mystic. It wants to have its cake and eat it too, presenting Tanner as both a dogged, rigorously intelligent investigator on the one hand, and as sort of a more dour, haunted Special Agent Cooper (minus the cherry pie and coffee obsession) on the other – solving cases more on luck, intuition and out and out hallucination, than because of any obvious sleuthing prowess. It’s an odd disconnect, the series at war with itself at what it wants its central character to be, and what do with its central gimmick.

The real surprise, though, is that this disconnect almost don’t matter. In fact, it dovetails nicely with what is really the key strength of Second Sight - the noirish mood of the series, and the richly realized psychological conflicts simmering within Tanner himself. Ultimately, the series is about a man at war with himself as the world he is accustomed to dealing with – a stark world of fact and certainty – crumbles away from his grasp.

His struggle to cope pulls him in every direction, and his pride and self-reliance take the biggest hit as he comes to have to depend on his comely new assistant, Catherine Tully (Claire Skinner), to literally be his eyes and support (and confidant, as she is the only one on the force in the know, at first). Throw on top of this custody squabbles with his ex-wife over his young son, and Tanner is slowly cooking to some sort of breakdown. Only focusing on the cases keeps him on track and from flying apart.

I wouldn’t go so far as to say that the mysteries themselves are incidental – there are four total, including the title series. They are more than mildly intriguing, if ultimately slight. They work best when they complement Tanner’s inner conflicts and personal problems. In this way, the later installments are actually better than the first one, which, though the longest and most complex of the lot, is the weakest.

“Second Sight” (the first, titular “episode”, as opposed to the series as a whole) suffers from too many red herrings, too much padding, and an overly chatty villain. The eventual solution is pretty well telescoped from early on, and only the constant degeneration of Tanner’s vision and his attempts to keep his condition secret keeps the ship afloat.

Much better is “Parasomnia”, the episode which best captures the noirish vibe the show is aiming for and highlights Tanner’s new unconventional investigatory skills. A gory murder, an amnesiac somnambulist femme fatale, and 90 minutes of Tanner slowly losing his mind to insomnia, paranoia and mounting frustration, this is the high point of the series, a riveting mini-film that would actually do well as a theatrical release.

The other two installments are engaging if not quite as enthralling. In “Hide and Seek”, Tanner is promoted to the head of a new crack unit of homicide, tackling stubborn and/or sensational cases. The first is a cold case of a murdered violinist, the unsolved status of which is a black eye on the face of the London PD. Meanwhile, Tanner and Tully’s relationship starts to buckle under the weight of his condition (how no one else notices on the staff that their chief is blind is beyond me – a great running gag if deliberate, a brutal oversight if not)

“Kingdom of the Blind” strains for political and personal poignancy with the case of a murdered black community leader, a decrepit old white supremacist, and Tanner’s finally coming to terms with his professional and personal life. The series ends here (for now), on an ambiguous note, Tanner striding forth into a blurry, hazy future (there are talks of reviving the show as a feature film, though details are… blurry for now).

Second Sight is finally collected in one DVD set a good decade after it went off the air. Previous releases of the individual installments had no special feature, and this has not been rectified with this collection, which is as bare bones as it gets. Spread out over five discs, the programs are slightly grainy, which actually enhances the look and feel of the show. I would have wanted something, anything, with Clive Owen talking about his first big starring role, before Hollywood came a calling.

[always-tilting-at-windmills]

SQUARE ⏹️ WATERMELON 🍉

[always-tilting-at-windmills]

Give Holden ☕️ Coffee & Hugs ⭐️

james “can’t catch a break” holden is lowkey the FUNNIEST character on the expanse and him thinking elvi was trying to comfort him when she was really having a scientific breakthrough makes me cackle every single time

this man has saved humanity more times than any one person should reasonably be expected to and the whole show is just him getting dunked on by everyone around him for 5 seasons straight

someone help him he is TRYING his BEST

[mommabearclarke]

Holden, flirting: *soft smiles and touches*

Naomi, flirting: you sON of a bITCH, you're weird and chatty, you asshole

[astoldbyacertifiedunicorn]

Samuel

This is based off of a prompt asking for what my ideal canon japril family would be like. I feel obligated to let you know three things, (a) This was written about a year ago. (b) The grammar is horrible! It’s not my best, it’s not even my somewhat okay, work. So, I am sorry if I let you down. (c) I like big families, I mean, BIG FAMILIES. Just so you’re ready :P 

Samuel Norbert Avery knew that growing up in a big family meant lots and lots of patience. It meant that although it had already been 30 minutes since he had gotten ready, he had to sit on top of his suitcase, flipping through his favourite Dr Suess book and wait for the rest of the family. 

 He heard someone walk towards the living room and looked up to see his mother carrying his younger sister, who was struggling in her arms. She put her down on the kitchen counter and started to brush her hair, while his sister kept yelling really loud. Samuel sighed, thinking about how he had never been a fan of how loud his sister could be when she had to do something she didn't want to do. He recalled how his mother called her Princess Harriet when she acting this way. She had quite a reputation. His mom always said that she got it from their dad. Samuel laughed to himself, remembering how his dad would argue and say that he was pretty sure she got her lungs from mom and mom would slap his chest. 

 Regardless of whom she got it from, Samuel had always thought his sister, Harriet Celie Avery, who was 4 years old, one year younger than he was, was crazy sometimes. Gramma Catherine had always said that she's got 'quite a personality'. He wasn't entirely sure what she means by that but he guessed it just meant that the way she behaved was really too much for everyone to handle. She drove mama crazy; if she didn't like something, you knew it. She talked to strangers and always got into trouble at school for saying things you shouldn't because she was "too smart for her own good" or atleast that's what mama said. Samuel just didn't understand her sometimes. 

 April had finally managed to put Harriet's hair into a bun with a pretty flower around it, but the yelling still continued. Harriet was now squirming around the kitchen counter, banging her arms and feet, looking like a bug turned upside down.  

 "Harriet, no sweetheart. Please stop doing that. It's going to ruin your hair." April said, while trying to pick Harriet up from the counter, while also trying not to get slapped in the face by her. Samuel knew that that was definitely not going to work. The only thing that would stop his sister whenever she got this way was when she got so tired she couldn't yell anymore. No amount of scolding, or kissing or even promises to buy toys and candy could stop her. But they didn't have time to wait until she calmed down today. They had to go to the airport, because they were going to Ohio to visit Granny Karen and Grampa Joe. He'd also get see his cousins and aunts and uncles. He really liked most of his cousins. Lilly, his Aunt Alice's daughter, was his age and probably his favourite cousin if you didn't count George, Aunt Kimmy's son who the oldest of his cousin's and so cool. The rest of his cousins were fine too, and his uncles were okay.

 He wasn't a big fan of his aunts, though. Well, he did like his Aunt Alice. She was really nice to him and bought him ice cream whenever it was her turn to take him and his cousins to the park. Aunt Libby was nice enough to him, but she was mean to his dad. He wasn't really sure what she was saying about his dad but sometimes he would see her whispering really low to his mom and mom looked at her like she wanted to punch her in the face. 

 But his least favourite Aunt had to be Aunt Kimmy. She treated Samuel like he was a little baby (He was five !) and she was so mean to both his mama and daddy. She made daddy so mad, his dad always screwed up his face and rolled his eyes whenever she was talking and worst of all, she made mama real sad. A month ago, they had come to visit them for his mama's birthday, and they had gotten to a huge argument. From what Samuel could remember it was about how mama was gonna have more babies. Aunt Kimmy said if mama was going to keep being a doctor she had to stop "popping them out like puppies". After the fight, mama had gone into her and dad's room and daddy had hugged mama until she stopped crying. Dad had come out of the room after a while and asked Aunt Kimmy to please leave right now, the way he did when he was really mad but trying not to show it. Mama kept saying she didn't want to go to Ohio because it was going to be real weird between them now. 

"Jacks. Jacksooooon. JACKSON." Samuel was brought back to reality by April yelling for Jackson. Harriet was still going strong with her protest and Samuel saw that his mom was holding her head up with her hands so she wouldn't ruin her hair. 

"Yeah babe? Are we having a competition to see who can yell the loudest?" Jackson appeared in the living room, clearly surprised at the amount of yelling his sister was doing, even though he was half smiling.

"I can't Jackson. She is being impossible this morning. And I have so much more to do. I have to finish packing for us and for the twins. I have to pack snacks and check if all our passports are okay." April was running her hands through her hair, almost pulling it at it. She turned around quickly and saw Samuel sitting there for the first time since she came into the living room. "Samuel. Baby. How ... How long have you been here for?" She looked upset that she hadn't seen him before and Samuel felt bad. He knew it wasn't his mama's fault. His sister could be a handful sometimes. 

"Not long mama." He lied, knowing she'd be upset otherwise. "Hattie's gone crazy." He said, walking towards her and hugging her legs. 

"Yes she has." April said, laughing genuinely. "But your daddy is going to take care of it, ye?" April continued, throwing Jackson a hopeful look. 

"Daddy sees that he has no choice in this matter." Jackson said, laughing. Although he was clearly looking a little unsure on how to handle Harriet. "You'll take the twins?" 

"No problem. Come on Sammy. Help mama with the twins." April said, taking his hand and walking towards their room. Samuel's parents were his favourite people in the world. He loved them so much.  

He walked behind his mama as they went inside the twin's room. Samuel liked the twins. He played with them and they thought he was really cool because he was the oldest, unlike his sister Harriet who was so annoying and mean to him. The twins, Micah Holden Avery and Maya Lisbeth Avery, were both sitting on the floor playing with their toys. Micah had his arms crossed, pouting, and looked like he was about to burst into tear. Maya on the other hand, was peacefully carrying on a tea party with her dolls. 

"Mama, mama, mama." Micah started shouting as soon as they entered the room. "MAMA." 

"Yes baby boy, what's wrong ?" April said, bending down.

"Maya no play me." Micah said, tears actually running down his face now. 

"Maya won't let you play ? Maya, sweetie, let your brother play with you." April said, patting her head. 

"Mi stupid." Maya said, shrugging her shoulders. This made Micah burst into full waterworks.

"MAYA! We don't call each other stupid in this house." April, pulled Micah into a standing position and tried to brush off his tears. "Say you're sorry." 

"NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO." Maya yelled, running around the rooms, bursting into tears herself. Samuel didn't understand why they were been so weird today. Usually the twins were really chatty but they weren't too hard on mama like Harriet was. 

"YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES" Micah yelled back, running around April, crying even louder. Samuel was annoyed. It's like they were trying to see who could make the most sound. Like his dad said about his mother and sister. 

"GUYS! STOP! This is ridiculous!" April said, completely frustrated. "Sammy looks like you're the only one who woke up on the right side of the bed." 

Samuel didn't really understand how this could be the reason why they were behaving weird, but his mom was a doctor so she knew about these things more than he did. He would now be extra careful to not move around at night. He didn't want to be this crazy any day ever. 

"Maya! Micah! STOP! You're been so 'noying! BE QUIET OR WE WON'T GO TO 'HIO" Samuel yelled at the top of his lungs. The whole room came to a standstill. April looked on in quiet amusement. Samuel crossed his arms, and stares at the twins until they both sat back down on the ground, mumbling sorrys.

"How you did that is beyond me." April said laughing, giving him a kiss on his cheek. "Mama needs to go sit down for like 10 hours now."  Sighing, April started to finish packing the twins bags. 

"You tired because of babies mama?" Samuel asked, handing his mother the items his dad had laid down on the bed. 

"Yes baby. These three are making quite a racket in here." April said, rubbing her stomach.

Samuel always thought it was amazing how his mom could feel the babies inside her belly. It was also really confusing for him; just as confusing as finding out how babies were made (his parents had been so weird when he'd asked them that). Samuel also found it amazing how three babies could fit in her tummy. He was certain that the doctor mama took him to show him the babies in her belly had got it wrong. As far as he was concerned, only 2 babies could fit in there at most. 

Samuel remembered how the news that his mama was going to have 3 more babies had been such a crazy surprise. Mama used to joke after the twins were born that there will be no more babies because Daddy was going to get the snip. Samuel wasn't too sure what was being snipped, but it stopped mama having more babies. Or that's what they thought. 

Samuel remembered the day he found out about it crystal clear. He'd had a bad dream and gone to his parent's room. The door had been slightly opened and he heard lots of yelling inside. His parents never yelled. They argued, but not this loud and never this angry. His mom had been yelling at his dad for not getting the operation when she had asked him to. She was saying, "Jackson! Triplets ! I have no idea how to raise 7 babies". Dad kept telling her they'll be fine, they'll figure it out and that made mama madder. She'd yelled saying this was all dad's fault and dad had yelled back saying that if she didn't want these babies so much she knew what she had to do. Right after that there had been total silence and Samuel had gotten scared until he heard his dad say "I'm sorry, April, I'm sorry. I didn't mean that. I love you. I'm sorry" but by that time mama was crying really loud. She ran out of the room, not even noticing Samuel was there, and her dad followed her. He'd seen Samuel, picked him up, put him back into bed, and left without another word. 

His mom hadn't talked to his father for a week. He'd even had to sleep in Samuel's room for the whole week, which Samuel didn't really mind. It was like a sleepover with his dad. He remembered how his dad has brought his mom flowers and jewelry every day for a week. Finally, when they came back home from church on Sunday, mama had cooked them lunch and made all of dad's favourite foods and she had sent Samuel and Harriet upstairs to their rooms to have lunch (which was something he'd always wanted to do which had never been allowed. Samuel had been thrilled). He'd snuck out though when Harriet was too busy watching her cartoons to notice him gone and went downstairs. He saw his mama and daddy giving lots of kisses. Samuel always thought that was super icky but it made his mom giggle real loud and so he was fine with it this time, because she'd been crying the whole week. He remembered how his mother had said, "I'm sorry I overreacted, Jackson, I love you." to which his father replied with "I  am so sorry I said that. I love you too. And my babies. We are going to be fine." And then he gave mommy more kisses.

Dad went back to their room that night and both his parents had come to tuck him in and explain to him about what he'd seen last week. They'd told him that mommy was just scared because she wanted to love all her babies right and that they love each other so much always no matter how loud they yelled. Samuel had been relieved to hear that. He knew his parents loved each other very much. As a rule in their family, mama and daddy always gave each other and the kids kisses and said "I love you" before bed and every morning before school. So he knew he was very much loved by parents who loved each other very much. But this time, this fight, had been different. And even at 5 years old he knew something was very wrong. So he was happy. Happy to know that all worked out okay. Although he isn't quite sure just yet how happy he is to have 6 other siblings. 3 others were more than enough. SIX others ... He wasn't quite sure how he felt about that yet. 

"All done. Okay guys, come on. Hop on in guys." April said, rolling out the custom made go-cart. It even had a cool seat for Samuel to sit on attached to the back, near the handle. But he was 5 now. He was determined to walk all the way this time. Just like his parents. The twins got in and April strapped them up and placed their carry-ons in the compartment. 

"Sitting or walking, Sammy?" She asked Samuel.

"Walking, mama." He said, while taking her hand, and walking out of the room with her. 

April went to her and Jackson's room, packed and double checked everything, before taking Samuel's hand and walking into the living room. 

Jackson and Harriet were sitting on the couch eating ice pops when they walked in. Samuel always thought it was so unfair that Harriet got things like ice pops and toys because she was been bad. That made no sense to him. But only daddy did that. Mama always shouts at daddy whenever he lets Harriet off by giving her candy and toys. But today mama just looked at them, sighed and shrugged it off. He assumed that she was too tired to yell at anyone anymore today. 

"Aright guys. We're ready." April said, walking towards the couch.

"Well apparently Harriet doesn't want to go to Ohio today, mama. She wants to stay here all by herself." Jackson said, pulling April on to his lap. 

Samuel saw daddy whisper something into mama's ears. Whatever it had been made mama upset and she looked at Harriet, with a really sad look on her face. 

"Aw, darling." Mama said. Samuel saw tears in her eyes. He was mad. Harriet had made his mom upset again. 

April got up and sat next to Harriet on the couch. "Baby do you not want me to go to Ohio because you don't want Aunt Kimmy to make me cry?" She said, pulling her on to her lap. 

Samuel was not expecting that. He thought that maybe he didn't give his sister enough credit sometimes. She was annoying and all, but she was a nice person. They fought a lot, but he knew she loved him lots and if he was been honest he loved her lots too (even when she was so unbelievably annoying) And he knew that just like him, his sister loved his mama so much, even if she gave her a hard time. 

Harriet nodded, as Samuel made his way to the couch. His dad picked him up and put him on his lap and kissed the top of his head. 

"I hate Aunt Kimmy mama. She a big meany. I hate her." Samuel said. His sister looked up in appreciation. Samuel looked at her, assuring her his support on this subject. 

"Hey now. Nobody hates anybody." April said. 

"Well .... Except for Kimmy." Jackson mumbled, earning "the look" Samuel knew daddy was scared of. 

"You two are too adorable for caring about me so much. But mama can handle her. Sure, she gets to me sometimes, but ... Haters gonna hate, right guys ?" April said, laughing at her own reference. "The point is you can't let her ruin all your fun. I'll fight her off. You two just worry about having an awesome time okay?" 

"You ask for help, mama ?" Samuel asked. He saw his sister nod along. He knew that if Aunt Kimmy was mean again, he had someone on his side in case mama decided she needed help fighting her off. He looked at his sister and smiled. He was really starting to like her more and more. 

"Yes I will babies. I promise. Thank you." April said, giving each of them a kiss. 

"Don't worry guys. One bad word from her to mama and we're a flying back to Seattle. Next flight out." Jackson said, giving April a kiss on the cheek. 

"And we fly home if Aunt Libby a big meany to daddy, mama ?" Harriet asked April, staring at Samuel, asking for his support. Samuel nodded in agreement. Neither of his aunts were allowed to be mean to his parents. He was more than willing to sacrifice his holiday with his cousins for his parents. They could just all go to Disneyland instead. 

"Nah. Daddy can handle it." Jackson said, looking at the floor. 

"Daddy shouldn't have to." April replied, taking his hand in hers, "If Aunt Libby is a meany to daddy, what do we do ?" 

"Fly outta 'hio" Samuel said, enthusiastically. 

"YES YES YES YES YES" Harriet said, nodding her head vigorously.  

"Okay then." April said, laughing. "Now that everything is sorted, can we please go so that we don't miss our flight ?" 

Samuel quickly jumped off his dad's lap. Now that he knew there was nothing to worry about with Aunt Kimmy and mama, he again let himself get excited for Ohio. He really couldn't wait to see his cousin Lilly and at night, there was going to be fireworks which he knew was going to be super amazing. He watched his mama and dad get everything sorted out one last time.

They left the apartment, made their way downstairs and got into the car. 

"Ready guy?" Jackson asked, giving April a peck on her lips. 

"YES!" Samuel said, with his sister, in unison. "Jinx!" They both yelled together. He laughed at that. His sister could be crazy sometimes, but she was alright most of the other times. He decided that when it came to his family, no matter how much they drove each other crazy, they always needed each other and had each other's back and loved each other very much. So maybe, he finally decided, new babies weren't going to all that bad.

I am truly sorry if it wasn’t all that great. I really did try. In the end I thought, this was fluff, and even poorly written fluff is still fluff. I promise the next OS will be much better!

[johnandrasjaqobis]

“Don’t get all Holden on me -- weird and chatty under pressure.”

i mean she’s not wrong

[always-tilting-at-windmills]

I love that Amos calls out Holden, during the unraveling. Because Holden didn’t stop him when he attacked the chicken guy. And Amos saw that clearly as a symptom that Holden is not okay. So, he initiated a conversation about it.

When Amos initiates a conversation about emotions:

1) it’s serious

2) he really cares about that person

Because Amos usually abdicates complex emotional decision making. He doesn’t worry about things. He’s one & done and moves on. So, when he does engage and start a conversation it’s very significant. Because typically he has the “check please” attitude.

Holden: *slowly unravels over the course of several episodes, focussed VERY CLEARLY on the Protomolecule*

Naomi, Amos, Alex: what's going on?

[hatmaker-sophie]

Into the Wasteland (Self-Para)

“Lettie!  Martha!  Fanny!” Sophie shouted into the house as she removed her shoes at the door.  From afar, she could hear the footsteps coming down the stairs until she saw the source of the noise.  A wide smile on Lettie’s face as she jumped onto Sophie and wrapped her arms around her neck.

“Sophie!” she heard another voice cry, her head unable to turn due to Lettie’s restricting arms.  But, from the voice, she could tell who it was.  “Hi, Fanny,” she said with a smile, hoping her stepmother could see.  As soon as Lettie released her grip, she stepped back, holding her sister at arm’s length, and examined her.

“You look thinner, Sophie.  Have you been eating?  And where did you get this outfit?  It’s surprisingly more tasteful than what you usually wear,” Lettie teased.  Sophie tsked at her sister when Martha finally appeared.  Sophie quickly gave her youngest sister a hug and a greeting before giving her stepmother the same treatment.  When Sophie finished all that, Lettie helped her move her trunk up the stairs and into their shared room.  Martha jumped onto Sophie’s bed, looking with eager eyes, the same look Lettie was also giving her.

“What?” Sophie asked cautiously, raising her brow at her sisters.

“How’s the magic world?  Have you learned more magic?  And you said there was a ball?  How was the ball?  What did you wear?  Did you go with anyone?  Is magic ball different from regular-people ball?”  The onslaught of questions came at Sophie and all she could do was laugh.  She should have known that her sisters always had a million questions to ask about the wizarding world.

“It’s good.  Yes, I have, that’s why I’m in school.  Yes, there was a ball and it was nice.  I wore a dress, and I think I brought it home with me.  I suppose I had a date, but that was a little complicated.  And a ball there is very similar to the balls here, I would imagine, except some of the decorations and things are magical.”  Sophie tried to answer all those questions as quickly as possible, even though she knew that her sisters would ask for explanations, particularly the answer about her ball date.  Thankfully, just as her sisters were chattering once again and bombarding their eldest sister with questions, Fanny came into the room.

“My, you girls are quite chatty,” she chuckled.  “I’m afraid you might wake the neighbors.  Besides, it’s the middle of the night.  I’m sure Sophie is tired from traveling and from her ball tonight.”  Sophie smiled, actually quite thankful that Fanny stepped in to put a stop in the girls’ interrogation.  The other sisters, however, sighed and pouted, but ultimately agreed.  They decided to save the rest of their questions for the next day as they all got ready for bed.

As Sophie laid in bed, her mind started to wander as her eyes fluttered closed.  She recalled the night, the ball, how she went with Holden who had also invited Anna, and yet she ended up dancing with Denahi.  It was a weird night.  From the beginning of meeting Holden, Sophie knew he must have been playing her, that he saw her as easy prey to tease who would easily get her hopes up. And then Sophie felt bad for Anna; she didn’t know he had asked her, and if she had, she wouldn’t have accepted his request to the ball.  It was just all such a disaster, and Sophie felt at fault.  If she had just said no to Holden, if she had caught on earlier that he had no serious intentions with her, she wouldn’t have caused so many problems tonight.  And then with Denahi.  She wasn’t sure what was happening in that area.  They danced and she’s cooked for him and she even kissed him on the cheek after their dance tonight, but it wasn’t really anything, at least that’s what Sophie was sure of.  Besides, she was positive that Denahi would be better suited to someone who was a little more lively, a little more adventurous, someone pretty.  And the more she thought about it, the more she thought the same for Holden.  He deserved to have a date who was more fun and more interesting to talk to.

The pestering thoughts kept her from falling asleep quickly, but soon enough, she fell into a light slumber.  Dreams began to form as they regularly do for her, but with her last thoughts being so full of doubts and negativity, her dreams soon turn unpleasant.  In her dream, she found herself back at the ball, dancing with Holden.  There was no music, but there still seemed to be a pleasant rhythm.  However, after a few steps into their dance, Holden smiles sweetly and dips her gracefully only to drop Sophie suddenly towards the ground.  Except, her back never hits the wooden floor and Sophie continues to fall back into the darkness with Holden now evilly smirking at her from the top.  Sophie’s arms wave frantically in the darkness, trying to find something, anything, to hold onto when she lands into someone’s arms.  Her face looks up to see Denahi’s kind face smiling at her.  At the sight, Sophie let out a small sigh of relief, a smile on her own lips matching his, but only for a brief second as his kind features turned dark.  And he too, like Holden, dropped her onto the ground where she found herself falling once more.

This time, after falling for a brief but indeterminate amount of time, she lands on what seems to be a carpeted floor, much like her own living room.  The darkness begins to fade into light and her living room comes into view.  In the armchair sits her father, looking weary and tired and almost as if under some kind of... spell?  Sophie gingerly arises from her spot and slowly approaches her father, calling out to him, first softly and then a little more urgently.  His gaze finally looks up at her, but his eyes are dark, as though his pupils have filled the entirety of his eyes.  With a gasp of shock and fear, Sophie takes a small step back, and she stumbles back a little more as the figure of her father stands up and moves slowly towards her.

“Sophie...”

The voice is chilling and Sophie seemed to have lost her own ability to speak, a lump formed in her own throat.

“This is what your magic is done to me.  This is what your magic has taken from us.”

Black veins trickle throughout his arms and visible skin, starting from the eyes and down his neck.  Behind him, her sisters appear, looking the same terrifying way their father does.  Fanny close behind stood next to their birth mother, monstrous and horrifying.  They all seemed to be closing in towards Sophie, their voices low and drawn out, blaming Sophie for her magic and for the fate that seems to have fallen upon them.  Her legs, the only seemingly functional body part on Sophie, scramble backwards until she’s cornered in her own living room.  She is face-to-face with a terrifying image of her family, all inching towards her closer and closer until their hands are just inches from her face when-

Sophie let out a small scream as she sat upright in her bed.  The darkness of the night still flooded her room as streetlights from the outdoors peek through the window curtains.  Breathing heavily, Sophie looked around, checking to see that she hadn’t woken up her sisters and that they were still well.  Lettie and Martha both appeared sound asleep, breathing slowly and deeply in their restful state.  At least they were safe, and Sophie couldn’t help but feel a little relieved.  Still, her nightmare nagged her.  Oftentimes, Sophie wouldn’t remember what she had dreamt, but this was all too vivid.  Holden, Denahi, her family, all as if to torment her.  But it was just a dream... and there couldn’t have been any hidden meaning behind them... at least that’s what Sophie tried to convince herself of.

Laying back in bed did nothing to bring Sophie immediately back to sleep.  She was much too worried and frightened about the images and just how real it had all felt.  But soon, exhaustion won out and she somehow managed to fall asleep once more.

But not too long into her second slumber did her vivid nightmares come crawling back.  Or rather, her family, in their horrifying appearance, crawled closer and closer.

“Sophie...” their voices echo in low, eerie tones.

But Sophie, like earlier, had found her back against a corner with nowhere to run.  Her family crawls nearer and nearer until suddenly, Sophie feels a pair of arms wrap around her from behind and pulling her away from the scene as it fades into darkness as if she was falling backward into a tunnel.  But the faster she is speeding backwards, the harder she was finding it to breathe as the arms tighten even more with every second.  She was gasping for air, unable to free herself from the grip as she struggle to wriggle herself free.  Her throat is closing, choking and gasping for any bit of air to enter her lungs and just as she is about to pass out from strangulation, she gasps loudly and awakens.

The sun was up now and her sisters were still lingering in bed.  Sophie finally sucked in some breaths as though her lungs had somehow never tasted air before.  She smoothed her hair and her clothes.  Two nightmares in one night, both vivid, horrifying, and terribly haunting.  But, Sophie thought, they were just dreams.  They had to be.  And with that she let out a sigh and swung her legs over the side of the bed.  Despite the horrifying nightmares, Sophie still had work to do and she still had a hat shop to tend to.  She’ll just have to survive the day on what little sleep she got.

The rest of break continued in a similar, routine fashion for Sophie.  In the day, she tended to the shop, helped with house chores, cleaned the house.  Of course, Lettie still kept trying to persuade Sophie to give up the shop and pursue her own interests.  Sophie would only reassure her that keeping the hat shop was in the best interests of the family.

Being at home was quite relieving for Sophie.  School had been getting increasingly stressful and difficult and the prefect work was slowly draining her.  Usually, she’d be able to handle those things just fine, but she thought back to the nightmare and realized that Denahi and Holden had somehow preoccupied much of her thoughts.

However, those weren’t the main things draining Sophie.  She kept it entirely a secret from her family, but the nightmares continued, each night getting worse and worse.  The more she tried to ignore it or write it off as something unexplainable, the dreams would become more vivid and more painful and haunting.  The images of her family, blaming her for her magic, the feel and look of Denahi and Holden, both expressing that Sophie was indeed not good enough to be friends (or possibly more?) for either of them.  And the fact that these dreams, these messages, were reoccurring only seemed to solidify such thoughts in Sophie.  That her magic was dangerous to her and her family, that she wasn’t good enough for her friends and for the people she cared about, that ultimately she was just a hat shop girl.

The tiring nights left Sophie restless, often only getting a couple hours of sleep each night before she gave up and worked some more.  The concern began to show in her sisters as they tried to persuade her to take a break, but to no avail.  By the end of the break, Sophie had all but stopped sleeping altogether.  The dreams had become too much, too real, that she became terrified at every moment her eyes would drift close.  Now, she just had to keep this up for... the rest of the semester...

[cachekakusu]

“Don’t go all ‘Holden’ on me. All weird and chatty under pressure."

[jamesholden]

i have so many emotions but

god am i SO fucking glad we finally got weird chatty Holden being funny this season

[always-tilting-at-windmills]

Still not over it 🤯

Keyboard ⌨️ smash 💥 of emotions 🚨

You know someone’s gonna try and test us, right? Nah. Not today. They’re saving their bullets for each other.

[always-tilting-at-windmills]

Things Holden can’t do ……

[always-tilting-at-windmills]