#His son is disabled and partly the reason why he’s doing this. To leave his son with this sustainable running haven

[morgen92]

A (probably wrong) theory about Matthew’s sister

So, I recently developed this odd and far-fetched theory after watching the season 3 premier. It’s a real stretch, but I thought I’d unleash it on y’all for funsies. (Sorry for how LONG the post ended up.) 

(Slight spoilers for first two episodes of season 3)

I’m really hoping we see more of her (as is everyone, no doubt). While I loved the scenes between Matthew and his parents in 3:02, I was also a bit disappointed that she didn’t appear or even get mentioned. The only references to her so far are a brief glimpse in ep 1:02 and a couple lines in 1:07. Even the novelization doesn’t really shed much more light on the character. 

In any other show, I’d assume she’d been retconned, but The Chosen is too well-planned in advance for them to give Matthew a sibling and then just act like she never existed. So where is she? She clearly doesn’t live with their parents at this point. 

The most probable explanation is that she’s married, and maybe her husband's trade involves him being out of town for days at a time to explain his absence.

The main problem with this theory is the extreme repercussions Matthew’s career brought on the whole family. In such a strict honor/shame society where the full approval of one’s parents were required for marriage, it would be extremally difficult to find a family willing to let their son marry the sister of a tax collector. 

It almost seems like the writers are keeping most things about her a secret. But if so, why? Is it something that will come into play later? 

So the gears have been turning, and I thought of these two lines  

Obviously the expected question one would ask of a relative they haven’t seen in a long while, and it’s probably just so Matthew can tell Elisheva that he was there earlier. 

And yet, it’s almost put forward in a way implying the sister would have reason to not be well.

And that made me think of another character in need of healing, who’s face and identity have been a closely-guarded secret. 

COULD THEY BE THE SAME PERSON??

Of course this brings up questions, for which I might have possible answers. 

The purity laws (as they were originally written) wouldn’t forbid her from being in her parents’ house and eating the Shabbat meal with them, just as long as they didn’t touch her or her chair (she doesn’t appear to be sharing a seat with anyone). Women being kept entirely secluded from everyone during times of impurity wasn’t really a thing practiced outside the households of priests, religious leaders, or the wealthy.

The bleeding woman’s age is never mentioned in the gospels, only that her condition lasted 12 years. It could’ve started in her teens or early 20′s, and it’s not yet stated which sibling’s the eldest, leaving some wiggle room. 

I can’t really come up with any definitive reason why the family makes no inference to something so important. It feels like the writers would have them maybe hint at it by now. Perhaps they do later in the season, now that Matthew’s staying with their parents when the group’s in Capernaum. Maybe she’s hidden from them just how bad it’s gotten, or has times when it’s a little better.

Again, it seems unlikely. You’d think it would be mentioned in the scriptures if she was a sister of an apostle, since the healing of Peter’s mother-in-law is written. Then again, some historians and scholars believe Jesus and the Sons of Zebedee might’ve been cousins, despite it never being explicitly mentioned. Her relation to Matthew could’ve been omitted for various reasons. 

For one thing, disability or chronic illness was usually seen in that culture as a sign of God’s anger. It’s possible she moved out of the family home partly for practical reasons (staying in a crowded house made it easier to accidentally break purity law), so she wouldn’t trouble them, and to distance her long-suffering parents from the gossip and shame that would accompany her condition. 

If it is her, then anyone who knew about it would probably assume God was punishing the family for Matthew’s betrayal. Especially since it would’ve began just 2-4 years after he became a tax collector (The novel says he’s in his late 20′s at the story’s onset). It’s very possible Matthew partly believes this himself, and guilt’s kept him from asking Jesus to heal her.

As a theory it doesn’t hold much weight. There could be any number of reasons the Bleeding Woman’s appearance has been kept a secret and not much is revealed about Matthew’s sister. She may be someone else farther down the line, perhaps even the Woman Caught in Adultery (the fact John’s is the only gospel that mentions that incident may be significant. Matthew didn’t want to write about such a painful moment for her but trusted John with it, maybe?) 

I’m probably reading way too much into things and making huge leaps in reasoning, but I thought it would be fun to share.

Thoughts?

[tio-trile]

Ahzhsuwjsnsk so my Lyft driver just now

• Said that he’s leaving California to build a wellness center type of place in Northern Arizona from the money he got from a settlement, and it’s very ambitious and the cause is all good and for helping people, except

• He’s going to have a “maid cafe, like they do in Japan”, except it’s not maids, it’s going to be a vampire cafe (I was LOSING IT at this point thank someone for the mask mandate)

• if I ever wanted to leave California, I can go find him, and he’ll build me one of the three types of houses they’ll have on his wellness center of my choosing (I chose the bamboo house). He offered me a card with his contact info. I didn’t know what to expect but it still was not anything I could have anticipated

[hmslusitania]

I see we're going ape over buddie and Choices tonight so

Yknow in 2.07, when Shannon comes back and her and Eddie have their first scene together? The argument at the end, after Eddie says it wouldn't be a good idea for her to see Christopher bc she left them, she says she needed him, she needed a husband and a co-parent - and "I needed someone to have my back!"

To which EDDIE says, "I always had your back"

*insert Incredibles "coincidence? I think NOT" gif here*

(Also side note, I do like that the show doesn't try to sugarcoat what Shannon did being messed up, and that Eddie's own actions weren't really the right thing either[thinking about his conversation with Buck where he says he got to pretend he left for a noble cause even tho he was running], and that it was just a sticky situation that neither of them were equipped to handle in any way, and snowballed. I do kind of wish we could've gotten post-divorce Shannon and Eddie and Christopher interactions, figuring out how they fit together, if at all, bc I like those intricate and messy situations but I could see how that might get too close to retreading old ground re: Michael and Athena's divorce. But I do hate how ive seen the fandom like. Seem to oversimplify things with Shannon sometimes? And make her the ultimate villain, and Eddie Did Nothing Wrong, Ever)

Hi Anon!

The decision to have Buck and Eddie's first bonding moment end with "You can have my back any day" and "or, y'know, you could have mine" only to then six episodes later find out that at least a contributing factor to Eddie's marriage dissolving was that he "didn't have her back" is like. Such a galaxy brain chaos move for them to take, honestly. Like?? They could've had the phrasing be literally anything in 2x07 but instead they had it directly echo Buck and Eddie in 2x01. What was the reason? Why did they do this?

As for the rest of your ask:

(gosh this got long and, uh, opinionated. It is Not Pretty below the cut)

One of the things I really liked about Eddie Begins is that we did get to see him at the beginning of his journey in being Chris's dad because it gives us an opportunity to appreciate how amazingly he's grown as a father. Like, he didn't start out as a perfect dad and he was definitely kind of lost in the woods at the beginning there when it came to the whole "how do I parent" thing. And before Eddie Begins, we'd only ever seen the end result of the growth he's gone through, where he really is a fantastic dad whose son is basically his entire reason for being. Before Eddie Begins, we get to hear him say things like "I left first" and "I've failed that kid more times than I can count but I love him enough to never stop trying" but we kinda have to take that on faith? Because we hadn't actually seen him be anything besides a good dad until we saw his Begins episode. (And even then in his begins it's like "area man in his early 20s unsure how to care for small child while also coping with PTSD and a toxic support system" which like. yeah. no shit. there's one hell of a learning curve there)

The thing about Eddie and Shannon as a couple and as parents that always gets to me is that they were so fucking young. We don't know exactly how old Eddie is in the show, but we can guesstimate pretty safely that he's around the same age as Ryan which would make him between 23 and 24 when Chris was born, and it seems reasonable to believe Shannon was around the same age. It's also a pretty common reading in the fandom -- although I'm not sure how much canon support there is for it because we really, really don't know anything about their relationship pre-Christopher unless I'm forgetting something -- that they got married because Shannon got pregnant and that was the Done Thing. And when you're 23-24, baby on the way, freshly married, that is just like. So much. It sure as hell ruined my parents' relationship when they did that exact thing, and then they disliked each other until they were 27 and then they got divorced, and no one was happier than me about it, I have to tell you.

Back to the show, I can only give you my impressions, obviously, but the impression I have always gotten from the whole "I left too" conversation and the context that goes into it and the different behaviours we see exhibited by the characters is that Eddie "left" first and it comes across to me that he was basically an early twenty-something kid running scared from the abstract concept of being a father in general, and then when he was forced home by an honourable discharge, and was confronted with the reality of Christopher, he managed to step the fuck up and become Christopher's dad. It's there in 2x02, right? "Oh, you've got a kid? I love kids!" "I love this one." Eddie doesn't strike me as a Swiss Army Knife all-purpose Dad(tm) the way Bobby is. Eddie is Christopher's dad. (and like, of course, he's obviously moved by kids when he's on a call, we've seen that enough times to know that if there's a child who can even glancingly remind him of Christopher, Eddie's sense of self-preservation goes out the window, and I love that about him as heart-stopping as it can be in practice)

Shannon, on the other hand, didn't run from the idea of being a mother -- at first. When she left, it wasn't from the abstract. She left Chris (and "gave up" on Eddie, thanks Helena). She was not running from a concept, she was running from a reality. I think Shannon is a fascinating character to include in a television show as a side character, because she really isn't a one note character. Like, she was unarguably a bad mother, and from what we saw, she was a questionable romantic partner to have (but as you said, anon, Eddie was also not 100% the best romantic partner when he was with Shannon either; their entire relationship so far as I can tell was built on sexual chemistry which, uh, super does not sustain a relationship), but she also seems to have been a devoted daughter? I mean, yeah, it's entirely possible that her mom being sick was a convenient excuse to bail -- and obviously she didn't come back after her mom died, and didn't, y'know, contact her son or husband in the interim, so yes, I can see that being a valid way to read the situation. I don't think she's the Ultimate Evil, because she strikes me as a very human character in all the ways that people are more often than not really fucking flawed.

But then we get back to the actual break-up scene. The first time I watched it (and second, and third; then the fourth time the person I was watching with was like "I mean, sure, but it could also be read in this light") her "I'm just learning how to be someone's mother" speech really bothered me? Partly because it was the abstraction of it, right? Eddie doesn't like kids, he likes Christopher, and Shannon sort of had the inverse journey there, I guess, where it went from she didn't know how to be Christopher's mother, to she didn't know how to be a mother. And that speech bothered me because it always sounded to me like she was bailing again. She begged Eddie to let her back into Christopher's life (guilt? I guess?) and like, straight up bribed him with sex which was sure a choice, and then decides -- for a second time -- that she's out. It sounded, to me, she was handing Eddie papers and maybe, in a few years, possibly, once she'd had "time" to "figure out how to be someone's mother" she would try again. Just like she had in the interim between leaving when Christopher was little and the time of season 2.

And like, that could totally be a misunderstanding of the scene and what she was saying. It's what I took away from it, but that could very well be influenced by the fact I was raised by divorced parents and my dad had custody and if you count up all the time I spent with either parent when I was a minor, I was predominantly raised by my father and have had an especially tempestuous relationship with my mother that is mostly (sometimes) repaired now that I'm in my late twenties and have not lived with her since I was sixteen.

Back to the show, and to your comment that the fandom tends to treat Shannon like the Ultimate Evil and act like Eddie Did Nothing Wrong, I mean. Yeah. Fandom as a rule tends to shirk nuance. We're all fools here on the internet sitting in our blue industrial waste container crying about a wee woo show. I personally believe a more nuanced take on that might be that Eddie has shown a great capacity to learn from his mistakes (sometimes to make fun, shiny, new ones, but for the most part, just like ends up doing better the next time) and Shannon did not show that capacity in the time we knew her.

I think, depending on what they did with it, there was potential for an interesting storyline if they'd played through the divorce. I don't think it would've been rehashing ground covered by Michael and Athena's divorce because I can't see Eddie and Shannon having reached a point of amicability and friendship. The only thing we know they had in common was Christopher, and frankly, when you boil it down, the ways they engaged with Christopher as a person were so disparate that -- to me -- it really didn't seem like they had Christopher in common when you get right down to it. But I wouldn't have wanted to see Christopher and Eddie dragged through an ugly divorce process. They deserve better than that.

There's also a conversation to be had about Shannon's blatant ableism towards her own son, but that is extremely not my lane since I am not disabled myself. But even from an outside perspective, basically their entire parking lot conversation in Haunted, uh, haunts me with it's repugnance and the fact that instead of calling her on any of it, Eddie "Chronically touch starved" Diaz's response was to kiss her? Gosh golly do I wish that was one of the mistakes he learned from properly instead of finding a new, shiny version.

ANYWAY this got long, tl;dr (although if you clicked on the read more, you probably read it) version is No, Shannon is not the Ultimate Evil, she's a shitty mom not a demon in a skin suit and a pretty yellow sundress; and No, Eddie is not a flawless human who's never done wrong in his life but holy fuck is he trying and he'd be the first person to tell you he's made mistakes (and often has been); and no, sorry, I don't want to see the divorce storyline play out because we probably would've had to see either Eddie Bashing, Shannon Redemption, or Shannon turning up again like a cardboard cut out of a cartoon villain the way Eva did and I want to be witness to exactly zero of those things.

[ultimate-muscle]

I have this headcanon of Kevin respecting Terry because he's the son of Terryman who was always respected by his father and because he gave up his spot in the Olympics to save a drowning boy - Cristy ;)

I do like that headcanon . . .

I mean, I will be honest, I think - if anything - they'd be reasons by Kevin to not respect Terry the Kid (much like how Terry the Kid initially showed a total lack of respect to Mantaro, until he later learned to move forward in his mentality).

It's probably not helped by the second generation having a very biased and limited perspective of the past, either, which is seen most poignantly by Mantaro (and mildly by those like Thunder and Check Mate, for the Evil Chojin side). I have no doubt that Robin probably taught Kevin to be respectful, and I love the fanart of Kevin and Kid playing as children, too, which I can totally see, but . . .

Kevin hated his father for a good chunk of the series, and - for the latter half - was still deeply traumatised by him, as well as defining himself by what his father wasn't . . . it pushed him to defeat Mantaro (despite being the son of his father's friend), it was part of why Warsman came to him in disguise (as he would have rejected his father's best friend), and a part of why he not only joined the d.M.p, but still identified as an Evil Chojin, even after he left them.

Plus, he seems to have a very Lawful Evil/Lawful Neutral thing going on, and his morality seems defined by a 'right' defined by rules, laws, codes of conduct, tradition, etc.; we don't see how he reacted to Kid, when Kid stopped to save a child, or how he thought about Terryman stopping to save a puppy, but we see his reactions to other events.

He is willing to leave the d.M.p when they break said code, but I think that was less about them "doing something morally wrong", and more "breaking the established codes of conduct and acting unethically". Maybe that's more what I mean; he defines himself by ethics and not by morals. It's most prominent in the Olympics.

To him, winning is most important. It's at the extent he is willing to kill opponents and permanently disable opponents, because ethically it's within the bounds of the competition, even when Meat and Mantaro and others consider it to be immoral. He shuns people/fans like Jacqueline, and he's even willing to risk lives of comrades (like Meat) to pursue his own ends, and he's even hurt/injured civilians on occasion. In some continuities, he even went to prison.

If anything, I would argue that he might see Kid as weak or beneath him (much as he did with those like Jacqueline or Mantaro), and he would judge him for such a sacrifice (partly as it goes against his code, sense of ethics, and personal priorities). I would personally argue that Kid would be one of the few he respects least . . .

In terms of respect (going off the end of the series), I would think he would respect Mantaro most, and this might be followed by Chaos, Jade, and obviously Warsman. I would argue he would respect Kid and Scarface least, although Seiuchin would be least of all.

That's just personal opinion, though XD

[tomiyeee]

finished the story quests for bl3 (but barely any of the side missions yet) and i got...Opinions(tm)

(sorry if this doesn’t cut on mobile! also if you want to hide spoilers i’m tagging all my bl3 posts as “bl3 spoilers” so ny’all can blacklist it)

in no particular order:

i honestly wanted to give gearbox some slack and try my best to like this game bc i know people had probably unfairly high expectations for this game given all the build up, but they really just kept letting me down in everything but the graphics

said this before but overall, the characters are all Quite lackluster

^^ tyreen and troy included. adding the word "bitch" to every sentence does not automatically make it funnier

that being said, i super love their backstory + relationship with typhon/nekofeyo-whatever

the character designs are equally boring. moxxi was the only one who got a real improvement imo. lilith and maya are okay. rhys...i dont think i have to explain. lia...i dislike her hair; the black felt like it balanced out her design better and the white streak was interesting and cool but full white just looks bad tbh. zer0 feels less sleek and more bulky which doesnt fit him much. tina lost her pretty color palette and cute outfit. where are all the bright pretty color palettes in general???? there are other colors besides brown and black???? use them?????

ending of pre-sequel: “you will need all the vault hunters you can get” me: “ooh does that mean all the vh’s from previous games are back? i can’t wait to see everyone meet each other! :D” bl3: only nine of them come back, 3 of them die, the rest are involved in maybe one mission at most

boss fights. super. boring. and tedious. i mean this could be partly because i was playing on ps4 which made it extra not fun but if the only reason the fight is difficult is because they have a lot of health...it's not fun or challenging. i want fights like handsome jack with interesting mechanics. i want fights like angel with emotional impact. i want fights like the pre-sequel final boss that i forgot the name of with variation that isnt just "now they have an attack that shines bright lights in ur eyes, covers the whole arena, and can knock you down in one hit im looking at you traunt and killavolt". tyreens fight was the only one that i somewhat enjoyed because of this. all the others were just like "ughhhh again?"

im really enjoying melee amara playstyle. taking out badass enemies in four hits is my jam. this is just my fallout 4 playthrough all over again babey heck yea

typhon just wanted to be a good dad!!! he called tyreen starlight which is adorable!!! he did the best he could and tyreen hated him for it!!! i don’t blame either of them for that tbh, it makes sense from both their perspectives. tyreen definitely should have been more understanding, but she’s a dick so :/ (not saying this is a writing flaw, just a character flaw)

hammerlock needs higher standards in men but i really appreciate the undeniably in-your-face "fuck you" to all gamer dudes

i really. hate. how little the player character seems to matter in the story. in pre-sequel the vh's all had unique dialogue AND npcs would respond, sometimes even with character-specific lines. even when it was the same across vh's, it still felt like the npcs were interacting and speaking directly to them. the player character felt like a character of their own, rather than just a vessel for the player to do quests and kill enemies with or an errand runner for the important characters. i thought that was the direction they were going in with bl3 too but this just feels like bl2 only worse. there’s a separation again between you and the story and it feels like you’re just watching things happen. now ur not just a silent protagonist, but instead your a speaking protagonist who gets completely ignored. whats the point of including unique dialogue if it's not even acknowledged beyond an "uh-huh, moving on"?

sometimes the logic just feels kinda dumb. the twins killed/disabled maya and lilith in a heartbeat, they can literally disintegrate the most powerful beings in the universe, but the vault hunters? absolutely not. they must fight them for 40 minutes and then die.

after the fight with troy, no one even touched tyreen. there's no way they could have thought "yup she's definitely dead, no need to shoot her in the head or anything just to make sure. we didn't do anything to even hurt her, we just assumed." turns out she's 100% alive and gets up to start the apocalypse. who'da thunk! i know they wanted the end to seem more dramatic but it just seems stupid that they could have stopped tyreen like 5 missions earlier had they even the slightest bit of common sense.

lilith was one of the biggest threats to tyreen and troy's whole plan. of course they should leave her alive and simply steal her powers. let's kill the monk siren instead.

i know they didn't include this to give all players a fair experience instead of favoring sirens, but it kinda sucks playing a siren character and it's just completely ignored outside of ur action skill. tyreen and troy are sapping siren powers left and right, but they choose to leave you with yours. when you enter the eridian place with typhon tannis starts glowing because it has "something to do with sirens". what about the one standing right next to her? this applies to bl2 as well...jack i would willingly charge ur vault key for u pls why do u take lilith instead :'(

oh yeah speaking of tannis! i LOVE that she got angels powers. for some reason it just makes me really happy. maybe it's bc i think it's sweet that part of angel survived. maybe it's because it makes for cool fanart. maybe it's just cool. idk. also like that we got a solid explanation of what angel's powers were (influence over technology). i always thought her having control over it in bl2 might've been cuz it was hyperion tech and she had access to it same as she had access to the satellite from bl1. it wasn't super clear since it seemed like she could also materialize things like the ammo during her fight.

that also reminds me: all the dramatic reveals in this game felt kinda badly done.

the very first one with zer0/katagawa. like the whole time i was walking around looking for him i was trying to think why he might've turned/something must have happened to him or rhys. everyone was saying it was undeniably zer0. i finally meet him and take one look at his bright ass maliwan armor and its like. really. you couldnt have made it anymore obvious that thats not zer0. and then his helmet gets knocked off and surprise! it's not him. i totally didnt already figure that out with one glance 10 seconds ago. (maybe even earlier when you got glimpses of him around the building but i always missed it cuz i was looking at the fish tanks n shit)

also the tannis reveal. she was speaking to me in the same way that only known siren characters could. weird unexplained things were happening and seemed to be related to tannis. i wonder if she's a siren? surprise! she's a siren.

tyreen and troy knew about the great vault through some unknown means. typhon was talking about having a son and a daughter who he told stories about the great vault. typhon calls tyreen his daughter a while later and lilith acts surprised like honey ur a little slow, i figured that out several lines ago.

basically i'm not saying they were so obvious that i knew from the beginning of the game; i only figured them out a little before they were outright stated. but it was enough that it kinda ruined the effect and the characters acting surprised only when it was blatantly spelled out for them just made it annoying.

i feel like most of this is pretty negative, but i don’t mean that i hate the game and was miserable playing it. it was honestly okay...like i said i wanted to like it, but gearbox hates me specifically and killed/ruined all my faves just to spite me sooo...*waves hand back and forth in a sort of “ehhh” gesture*. i think my opinion on bl games from most to least fav would be: tftbl, bltps, bl2, bl3, and bl1. so it’s not the worst, but deeefinitely not one of my faves. i mean jack’s not in it (or if he is he doesn’t have a big role) so it’s already at a huge disadvantage. the ending was ok, it was all dramatic n stuff and it kinda makes sense i guess, but it was just about as okay as the rest of the game really. i don’t hate it but it’s not great either yknow?

[mxliv-oftheendless]

The Deadly Game

Ok, so people said they wanted to read this, so ask, and ye shall receive! I am actually super eager to see what y’all think of this little snapshot (although knowing me “little” is about three pages in Word lol). It’s not action-packed, but it is pretty tense. I hope it’s as tense as I intended it to be. I hope you guys like it because I kind of want to write more; this show is dark, which means an opportunity to see how dark Heather can go! 

Quick disclaimer: if you have not watched Scooby Doo: Mystery Incorporated (which, what is wrong with you, go watch it this instant), BEWARB! There are like huge spoilers ahead! I also own nothing except the awesome badass that is Heather McMann. Read on and enjoy, you meddling kids!

It was late at night by the time Heather got home. She rode up her driveway and stopped, killing the engine and removing her helmet. As she got off her motorcycle, she stopped and looked up at her house.

There was an uneasy feeling in her stomach, the feeling that something was off. Not enough that she wasn’t fearing going into her house altogether, but enough that she definitely felt it as she stared up at her house.

Of course, she’d felt such feelings ever since she first set foot in Crystal Cove—the whole town felt off no matter where she went. She put down the bike pedal and headed up the walkway to her front door, ready to grab her phone in case she needed to call the police. 

Heather unlocked her door, and stepped inside, shutting nd locking the door behind her. She entered her living room and looked around, taking in her surroundings in the light from the kitchen and the small nightlight she had plugged in somewhere. Nothing seemed out of place, or stolen. Plus her front door had been locked, and thanks to her investment in a good burglar alarm, she would have known if someone—or something—had broken in.

Unless, of course, they disabled the alarm.

Heather tried to ignore the thought and kept scanning the room. Then her eyes fell on the window across the room. It was one of the windows of her house that received the most sunlight, so it had various flower pots clustered around it.

And it was also wide open.

Heather’s eyes narrowed. Perhaps she was wrong, but she was very sure that window had been closed before she left.

Now on high alert, Heather stepped over to the window and inspected it. From the bright light of the moon, she could clearly see that someone—or something—had forced it open. Heather slowly reached into her pocket and pulled out her phone, unlocking it and meaning to call the police.

“What beautiful flowers you have.” Heather froze at the voice. It was light and pleasant-sounding, with a thick German accent. She knew that voice.

Heather turned around, putting her phone back into her pocket. Sitting perched on top of her armchair was a parrot. He was partly enshrouded in shadow, but there was enough light for Heather to make out his purple plumage, the white hair atop his head, and the purple scarf around his neck. She could also see his one piercing green eye, and his other milky eye—although that was due to the long scar traveling down his face and through his eye. He was sitting there casually, as though he did this all the time, and was stroking one of the flowers from the nearest hanging pot with one of his wings.

“One of the things you miss when you are in a cage,” he said, almost conversationally, “is the simple beauty of the flowers. It is good for me that you adore them so much.”

His voice—gods, Heather hated that voice. It sounded almost naturally pleasant, like he was having a good day just by seeing you. It promised things, things you didn’t even know you wanted yet. And just about anyone could be manipulated by that voice, without even realizing it.

That was, of course, only if you didn’t know the intimate details of the animal it belonged to. Which Heather did.

She frowned and crossed her arms over her chest. “I’d heard you escaped your cage. I figured you’d come visit me eventually.”

“As always, my dear schwarze dahlie, your keen intelligence is refreshing. I cannot begin to tell you the stupidity of some of the guards at the animal asylum.”

“So to what do I owe the pleasure of a visit from Professor Pericles, the only bird worthy of a mention on a list of sociopaths?”

Pericles merely smiled at her, and somewhere in her mind she knew he knew her hatred of that smile. “Merely to pay an old freunde a visit.”

Anger flared up in her. “We are not friends. We were never friends.”

“True, but we shared mutual friends. How are dear Brad and Judy?” Heather hesitated. “Now, now, my dear schwarze dahlie, it is a simple question. You mustn’t be so paranoid.”

She had good reason to be paranoid. But Heather decided nonetheless to answer with the truth. “I don’t know. I haven’t heard from them in years. But you, of course, know perfectly well why.”

Pericles nodded in concession. “True. I do hope they stayed together—such a lovely couple they made. Their son is a perfect mix of them, wouldn’t you say?”

Heather froze, nails digging into the sleeves of her jacket.

“My dear schwarze dahlie, you really think I couldn’t see the resemblance dear Frederick has to his parents? One look at the boy told me all I needed to know. It is lucky for our dear Mayor that Frederick grew to resemble him—saves a lot of questions from being asked.”

Heather wanted to growl at him. Instead she just gritted her teeth and glared at him. “Give me one good reason why I shouldn’t call the police.”

Pericles simply laughed at her. “Call the police? Oh, but my dear woman, we both know you will do nothing of the kind.”

“How do you know?” she challenged. She pulled out her phone and held it up, showing him the number pad on the screen. “I could call them right now, and send you back to that cage where you belong.”

Pericles eyed the phone screen, and Heather was pleased to hear the pause before he spoke again. “You would do well to remember who you are dealing with, my dear schwarze dahlie.”

“And you would do well to remember who you are dealing with,” Heather returned. “You may have the smartest brain in the world, but you’re still a little bird. I could easily overpower you and send you back to prison, save Mystery Inc. and Mr. E the trouble of having to track you down.”

Pericles’s eyes narrowed; he was seriously considering her words. “So give me one good reason why I shouldn’t do all of that right now.”

“The fact that we both know it will solve nothing,” Pericles answered, in far too smooth a voice for Heather’s liking. “Even if you succeed in sending me back, in the end, it will solve none of the problems Mystery Incorporated faces. And,” Pericles added, “if such a thing occurs, where you do send me back, in the end, all the secrets you have worked to bury will be brought to light again, most likely by the same kinder you wish to protect.”

Heather glared at him, working to keep her voice even. “That’s never going to happen. Even you, for all your smarts, know nothing of who I truly am.” A small smirk came to her face. “I’m the one puzzle you can’t figure out.”

Both of them knew she was right. Sure, Pericles knew some details—why else would he take such pleasure in calling her that nickname?—but even what he knew wasn’t the real truth. It was the one victory Heather had over the damned bird, knowing that she had buried her past so well even he couldn’t find it.

“Perhaps,” Pericles said, and even though his voice sounded the same Heather saw in his body how miffed he was by that reminder. “But the fact of it solving nothing still stands. You know this as well as I do. The die has been cast; the game has begun once more. Fortunately for you, and the kinder, it is important that they remain alive. So you may take solace in that I do not mean them any harm.” For now. 

She didn’t take much solace in that at all. “If that’s all you came here to tell me,” Heather said, “then it’s best you leave. It’d be a shame if all of your plans were to be ruined by a neighbor seeing me talking to you.”

“Not quite,” Pericles replied. “I have one more piece of advice. From this point on, I would watch your back. It would be a shame if anything were to happen to you for meddling into things beyond your understanding.”

“I could say the same for you,” Heather responded. “You should remember that when you try to meddle in things you don’t understand, you always pay the price. One way or another.”

She let that statement hang in the air in the ensuing silence.

“Well, we shall see,” Pericles said after a moment. He spread his wings and flapped himself up off the armchair. “Sleep well tonight, my dear schwarze dahlie. Flowers do not sell themselves.”

As Pericles flew toward the open window, Heather turned around to head down the hallway to her bedroom.

“I do have one more question to ask you,”

Heather stopped walking, but didn’t turn around. Pericles continued. “If you were the esteemed Mayor Jones, and you stole something from me… where would you hide it?”

For some reason, a part of Heather didn’t want to answer the question. For all her dislike of Jones, they were alike in that they knew how far Pericles was willing to go to get what he wanted. But then she remembered everything else Jones had done.

He got himself into this mess. Let him get himself out of it.

Heather turned her head towards Pericles, who was looking in her direction. “He trusts me about as far as he can throw me. Why don’t you ask him yourself?”

She turned her head back around and disappeared down the hall, the sound of flapping wings haunting her every step. 

[nco05]

Stuff I love #11: Shazam!

I love the app too but it’s about the DCEU movie. Obvious spoiler alert is obvious.

The Shazamily but not as superheroes

Billy Batson: I sometimes felt like Billy acted like a dick. But that’s because he didn’t have a real family for almost a decade. And even before that, he was lied to. His mom abandoned him and his dad went to prison. No one could really relate to that, except his new family but he felt suffocated by love. Sivana can, but that man’s heart was filled with hate. Reuniting with his mom was enlighting and the writers certainly didn’t drop the ball. Family isn’t always blood, it’s love. I’m lucky enough I have both at once, but there are people like Sivana and Billy that aren’t so lucky.

Darla Dudley: GIVE HER ALL THE CHRISTMAS PRESENTS! She’s such a good sister. She is the youngest but hates seeing those she loves in pain. She’d fight a supervillain if she could, she’d take on school bullies if she could! All because she wants her brothers to be okay. That is truely heroic on it’s own.

Pedro Peña: I hope his grades improve. He isn’t much of a talker but it’s clear he loves his family.

Eugene Choi: Whenever I die in Surviv.io or when I played Fortnite in December 2017, I feel like Eugene. He is very funny but also very smart. “I may have had access to federal databases”. Oh Eugene! This kid has to be some sort of genius to if he’s able to do that at like 10?

Mary Bromfield: Ambitious, driven, level-heated; characteristics of a true big sister. She felt torn on leaving her family to go study. While I partly agree with Shazam on focussing more on herself, I don’t think she should completely drop her family. The right thing to say was in his speech, but blinded by anger at Freddy, he said the wrong thing.

Freddy Freeman: I’m gonna tell you, he’s my favourite character. I think everyone can relate to him a lot. Invisibilty is something that he kept bringing up. I didn’t know why at first but in his speech to Billy/Shazam, it became clear why. He feels invisible. “No shit I wished it was me, no one even looks at me. Do you even see me?” That was very painful and well acted by Jack Dylan Grazer. He was the best actor too, but that scene uuugh chills man I got the chills.

Rosa and Victor Vasquez: I hope every foster kid finds people like them. Also loved the sticker on their truck I’m a foster mom, what’s your superpower? Incredibly powerful line, even if it wasn’t said. It was purposely brought into frame.

The villains

Mr. and Sid Sivana: I know their fates were brutal. But even as a brother in his early 40′s and a late middle aged dad, they still showed how unkind they were. To me, these two were dr. Sivana’s villains. I do blame mr. Sivana mostly for what happened because he emotionally shuned his son, pitted his sons against eachother, tried to gaslight him about the crash. This is the reason why dr. Sivana did what he did, mostly. Though he is not at all blameless for what happened.

The Beyer Brothers: I have to say, they’re the most pathetic villains in the movie. I mean how sad of a bully are you if all you do is pick on a disabled 14 year old? Glad Freddy kinda got his revenge by giving them the backpack wedgy. They didn’t deserve a hard punishment, but they do deserve actions to their consequences; mainly running over the same disabled 14 year old.

Dr. Sivana: I have to say he was a victim in 1974 and his villains are definetly bigger than Freddy’s or Billy’s, mainly being his own family and his mind. Speaking off, Billy was willing to see eye-to-eye. But Sivana was already blinded by hate and the last sin ENVY. Which makes sense: Billy is the chosen one and he’s 14, Sivana was deemed “not good enough, never good enough” at just 10(?). Billy has a loving family when him and Sivana meet. He let himself be consumed by that hate, it was his demise.

So to conclude: the child actors are good, Asher Angel is a name to watch out for. But keep an even closer eye on Jack Dylan Grazer, who was just magnificent. A scene stealer in every scene he’s in. Mark Strong had the best villain arc; from misunderstood kid to misunderstood adult to a man filled with hate. I recognised some of the actors too; it was nice to see D.J. Cotrona again in a lighter hearted way and I just remembered Ian Chen plays in Fresh Off The Boat. All in all, DC’s best movie to date. Even beating Wonder Woman, who’s next movie - 1984 - is going to have a hard time beating this movie as the best.

[xmenwickedgame]

Wicked Game senior cast: Cain Marko

I’ve decided I’m going to write up blurbs about the key canon characters in X-men: Wicked Game. This is going to be a very slow process so bare with me!

This is an unusual first pick I know. Possible trigger warnings ahead so please read with caution!

Name: Cain Marko Face Claim: Michael C Hall Age: 60 (appears around 40) Species: Mutant (ish) Sexuality: bisexual Powers and abilities: Cain is a carrier of the mutant X-gene but spent most of his life believing he was human. An accidental encounter with extraterrestrial technology during the Vietnam war forcibly activated it. Since that happened Cain’s endurance, strength and healing capabilities have been greatly enhanced. His aging has slowed considerably; sometimes he’s wondered if it’s stopped altogether... Cain also possesses the ability to summon a metallic exo-skeleton that triples his abilities. In this state he’s nearly indestructible.

Birthmarks or blemishes: Cain has a number of scars along his body: some are leftovers from the two wars he fought in and a handful are leftover from his childhood. 

He also has a piece of alien technology partially submerged in his chest. It looks very much like a gem, although it pulses like a human heart (and with good-reason as it’s partly fused to his heart.)  Physical/mental disabilities: Cain is an abuse survivor and has long suffered from PTSD. It worsened in adulthood after serving in both the Korean and Vietman wars. He’s aggressive by nature and quick to anger, although both of these things he’s tried to curb in his older age...

As far as physical issues go Cain is partly concerned the alien technology fused to his chest is doing permanent damage to his body. He can’t feel any changes but the flesh around the “gem” is grey and hot to the touch... Transforming into the Juggernaut also leaves him physically drained and almost ill now.

Other facts: Cain isn’t stupid. He’s no genius but he’s observant and calculating and if he can’t physically break his way past an obstacle he’ll approach it another way. He just likes the taste of adrenaline and occasionally violence...

Family: Kurt Marko (father) Sharon Xavier (step-mother) Charles Xavier (step-brother) Raven Darkholme (step-sister) James Darkholme (step-nephew) Sachi Yama (ex-wife)

Prime universe history: Cain Marko is the son of Kurt Marko and a mother who left the family when he was young. His relationship with his father deteriorated rapidly after that, and what was a distant but civil relationship grew verbally and physically abusive. As a child Cain wondered why his mother left them and if there was anything he could’ve done to change that.

When Kurt married Sharon Cain was fifteen years old. He was five years older than his step-brother, Charles, but wouldn’t meet him for another few years as Charles was “away” at the time; Sharon never spoke in depth about her son until he returned (Charles spent several years in a Sanitarium until he realized he was a telepath and learned to control it.)

While it was easy to avoid his father in the Xavier mansion Cain still held onto a promise he made to himself: as soon as he turned eighteen he’d leave and never look back. 

When Charles finally returned to the mansion it shocked and infuriated Cain that his father seemed to treat the boy better than his own son. Oh Kurt still lost his temper from time to time but overall he seemed to be trying. This cut Cain deeply: he took that pain out on Charles and later Raven Darkholme (who he swore he couldn’t remember early on but she must have always been around, right..?)

Almost two years after Charles returned home Cain moves out and stays out. He takes a handful of jobs to support himself and in 1950 is drafted into the Korean War. He’s discharged three years later.

Cain returns to the Xavier estate only once: for his step-mother’s funeral. He speaks very little to his step-siblings and when he does he makes it clear his feelings towards them haven’t changed (he didn’t have a problem with Raven at first but her loyalty to Charles irritated him.) Cain sticks around long enough to take what little he’s left in the will and leaves again. 

He spends the next several years making trouble and playing dodge with the police. He never stays in one place for very long, running from both the law and the acid corroding his insides. It’s a lonely, empty life but it’s easier this way...and safer as well. He was married for a short time to a woman named Sachi Yama: his short temper and inability to trust eventually led her to leaving him.

In the 1960s Cain is drafted again, this time for the Vietnam War. During this time he begins hearing rumors of people with extraordinary abilities (apparently some may have aided the government during the Cuban Missile crisis??) Cain starts to remember things, things he thought he forgot...things involving his step-brother and hints Charles may be one of these so-called mutants.

Cain’s interest in mutants peaks when he sees some in action during the war. One such mutant is Alex Summers: a decent soldier with an admirable temper...and one who absolutely will not answer any of Cain’s questions. This irritates Cain and the following blow-up lands him in trouble with his superiors. Cain is a talented soldier but known for being difficult to direct and get along with. As a result he’s been told to “take a walk” more than once as long as he doesn’t go far...

...of course Cain puts his interest before others and during one such “walk” he goes just a little farther than intended. He accidentally stumbles onto what look like scattered and charred debris. He returns to this area more than once, each time going further (and each time getting reprimanded until he starts sneaking away in the middle of the night. Something about the area calls to him...)

One night he doesn’t return to camp at all. I’m still working out the exact details but this particular venture ends with him accidentally fused to a piece of this alien technology...a different sort of piece that almost seems to be alive... (there’s nowhere to state it outright but this is intended to be the same area from which adamantium is first acquired. Since it is XMCU canon that it came from space)

Cain has no memory of the symbiotic fusion and at the time it didn’t matter. For the first time in his life he felt alive as well...alive and powerful. He spent the next several years traveling the world, known now as the all-poweful “Juggernaut”; a title he didn’t choose but embraced nonetheless. Cain eventually returned to the U.S. after hearing of a “Brotherhood” of mutants. Cain wasn’t sure whether or not he’s actually a mutant, but it’s the only word he knows to describe the super-powered. Either way it gave him something unique to define himself by...he was aggressive and strong and damn good at slipping under the radar...but now he’s evolved. Nothing and no one can ever harm him again.

Though believing he worked better alone than with others Cain admired the Brotherhood’s push for mutant rights...and sooner than later discovered his own step-brother was apart of it. So Charles was indeed a mutant then...

As Cain follows the Brotherhood’s activity his poisoned opinion of Charles starts to change. What he’s heard he mostly heard through word of mouth but Cain eventually forces himself to admit he admires his step-brother’s choices and the contributions he’s made for their kind. For the first time in his life he starts to feel guilty for the way he treated Charles...

Approaching sixty now Cain has largely mellowed out. Not entirely of course but he’s lonely and tired and while he won’t easily admit it, haunted by the way he’s treated people. He’s also mildly concerned about his health and as a result doesn’t transform as often as he used to. He's still an advocate for mutant rights but works largely on his own and far more discreetly than he used to. It’s a way to connect and give himself something of a purpose, although it’s not as fulfilling as he initially hoped.  

He’s also still angry at his parents, blaming them largely for the person he became. This anger isn’t explosive anymore but borders on a depressive state of mind that eats at him when he’s alone. That said, his temper hasn’t gone away; he’s just learned to control it...most of the time.

Alternate universe history: Cain’s history remains largely unchanged in the alternate/doppelganger universe. If anything, he might actually wind up working with one of the split Brotherhood factions (either under Erik or Emma.) It hurts and annoys him the original mutant movement fractured: they were stronger together than alone. 

He might also look into his step-brother’s disappearance if he finds he can’t get any information about his departure and why. There’s a part of Cain that wants to believe it was an accident, or that he was forcibly discharged, if only to preserve his changing opinion of Charles...

He also doesn’t care much for the Morlocks and considers them misguided kids who will get themselves killed sooner or later.

[scurvgirl]

Conferences

So I think it’s that fic fey recently posted that reminded me of this WIP, I finished it! Through a slight fever haze so it may not be as good as I believe, but what can you do. Don’t ask me what AU this is, I don’t know any more than you do.

Mirena, Nadas, Thenvunin, Haninan, and this version of June belong to @feynites

Faunalyn, Nithroel, Melarue, and Aelynthi belong to @justanartsysideblog

Selene and Elrogathe belong to @selenelavellan

Warning for mentions of domestic and verbal abuse.

Kass knows a thing or two about asshole fathers.

“Thenvunin is very creative! He’s doing very well, especially during story time and our weekly story creation lab,” she says, holding out a glittery purple folder to his attentive mother. Nadas, however, is barely paying attention.

“And he made this amazing little picture of the main character, a giant magical bird. It’s going on the story wall with the others, he did a really great job.” She shows the picture and Mirena beams over it, like a normal parent. Nadas glances at it.

She makes a mental note to herself to give Thenvunin more positive attention, and to make sure his male math teacher is also giving him more positive attention. It doesn’t replace the need for positive attention from one of his parents, but every little bit helps.

“These are wonderful, I’m so glad you encourage creativity,” Mirena says. Kass smiles and nods.

“It’s important to encourage creativity in children. We were wondering though if there are any other desk options? We know this is the second one but –

“Oh no, of course! His comfort is very important, they spend so much time in chairs that they need to be comfortable. Does he have a place he likes to sit and do things at home?”

“Sometimes he sits next to me while I sew,” she says.

“Could you email me a picture of the set up? If he’s comfortable there, maybe I can recreate something here.”

“That would be wonderful.”

Kass writes that note down then looks at the notes she had for this conference. She sighs and leans forward.

“Thenvunin is doing well in all of his studies, but he has been having some issues with the other students. The principle and I have talked with those students and their parents already to stop the issues, but I just want to make sure you are aware of the issues. There have been some cases of bullying.” She keeps her tone measured and sweet, she by no means wants to insinuate that Thenvunin is at fault here, because he isn’t. Kids can be jerks. She loves them, but they can be difficult and mean.

“It’s about his legs isn’t it,” Nadas speaks for the first time, and his words make Mirena frown. Kass struggles herself not to show the distaste.

“Partly, but usually with bullying there are layers to it. It could have started about his legs but now it seems to be focused on his hair. Human boys tend to…shame elven boys for having characteristics they’ve learned to associate with girls. Again, the principle and I have spoken with the parents and the boys, they are being reprimanded fitting for their age and actions. I wanted to let you know so you can be aware of what’s going on and support him. Kids with disabilities are at higher risk for having lower self-esteem. Put the emphasis on what he can do, like create stories, make art, even braiding.”

“Thank you for bringing this to our attention. He’s been so brave with all his physical therapy, he can be so self-conscious about his legs.” Mirena continues to display her attentiveness as a mother. Nadas, however, is just…he’s there but he’s not present. The conversation shifts to some accommodations to made for Thenvunin’s legs and how some of the students like to decorate the braces when he feels up to it. They’ve had to stop using flowers, however, they would have uprooted the whole garden and junk up the very nice braces. Nadas refuses to make any sort of eye contact while Mirena and Kass discuss it, chuckling and smiling that overall his legs have not been that much of an issue as compared to his old school.

But Nadas doesn’t even seem to be aware of the positive, and by the way he holds his head, and keeps his body crossed – he’s not only disinterested, he’s embarrassed. She tries to be more okay with it, but she can’t help but remember Qal’s horror and tumult of emotions when Ash’s magic surfaced. Nadas doesn’t strike Kass as someone who would lash out at his son physically, but she knows that neglect is another form of abuse.

The meeting wraps up well enough, though. Thenvunin is a good student and at least he has one parent who adores him like they ought to. She wants to tell Mirena to leave Nadas, that not only does she deserve a better partner, but that Thenvunin deserves a better father. But Kass holds her tongue, she’s Thenvunin’s teacher, they’re at his school, it’s not the time or place for her to whip out the “I’m a survivor of domestic abuse and I’ve been where you’ve been, I can help you,” spiel.

They leave with assurances from Kass that she will make adjustments for Thenvunin’s comfort and learning. She takes a deep breath and ushers in the next set of parents. A set of three parents. It’s still rare enough for her to take note.

She encourages them to take seats, though since they are the first triad of parents, she has to pull up a third chair.

“Thank you for coming! Let me just grab Aelynthi’s file, the previous meeting ran slightly long, so I did not have time to properly switch between students.”

“That is not an issue, we’re familiar with Mirena and Nadas,” one of them says. They’re all…spectacularly beautiful but the speaker is particularly gorgeous. They must be Melarue, she tries to know each parent of her students, so she did some checking in with the other teachers who’ve had Aelynthi. There’s Faunalyn, Nithroel, and Melarue. Nithroel is Papae, Faunalyn Mamae, and Melarue Nanae. It’s good to be up on other words for parents.

But the point is that all three of Aelynthi’s parents are here and she is getting Aelynthi’s file. She goes through the normal stuff – he’s doing well in his studies, he loves art, she makes sure to compliment his gluing skills (though she makes a point of saying he needs to work on cleaning up, he’s very creative, but he leans on the messy side sometimes).

They all ask questions and are all involved, which is wonderful. Nithroel is probably the furthest thing from an asshole father - engaged, interested, thrilled at his son’s progress, and rightfully concerned over a few things. There was a fight on the playground the other day and mean words said today, all over Thenvunin. Those bullies she had spoken to Mirena about had been scolded by more than just the principal and their parents – Aelynthi was having none of it. Which is good and bad. Good to stand up for your friends, bad because hitting and mean words on the playground aren’t okay things to do.

There are some other issues, however, and Kass isn’t exactly sure how to ask her next question without insulting one or all of Aelynthi’s parents.

“Aelynthi has been showing some signs of distress commonly associated with difficulties at home. I’m not saying he is being harmed, but sometimes when there is conflict between parents, the children will feel it and express their worry and concern in different ways in other places. In Aelynthi’s case he’s emotionally…variable. His moods have been in more flux than normal lately and I just wanted to see if there is anything going on at home so I can help if possible.” As she suspected, they all immediately tense and look away from her. She wouldn’t ask if it wasn’t that Aelynthi has been upset and some of that emotional friability may be one of the reasons he acted out on the playground.

“We have been trying to make it as smooth as possible,” Nithroel is the first to speak.

“Separations are disruptive, Nithroel,” Melarue says and Faunalyn shakes her head.

“I know it is not my business, but if it is a separation, then there are definitely things we can do to help Aelynthi. This is not a judgement at all, merely wanting to help your son.”

“Thank you, we know this isn’t easy on him,” Melarue continues.

“But there is only so much we can do when you insist he live with you on the weekends,” Faunalyn counters. Nithroel sighs and Kass regrets bringing the topic up.

“He is my son, too, Faunalyn.”

“Let’s remember why we’re here, this is for Aelynthi – I understand separations are very hard for the parents, I went through a similar process with my now ex-husband. My daughter didn’t understand, so I’m familiar with what happens. I can set up meetings with Aelynthi and a counselor here if he demonstrates a need. Right now, Aelynthi needs structure and reassurance that just because his parents are going through something, it doesn’t mean you love him any less.” This is very awkward, but the parents seem to understand it at least. They go over a few more things before the meeting time ends and she walks them out. Nithroel and Faunalyn leave together while Melarue lags behind, face devoid of any sort of definitive emotion. Stoic.

She remembers being like that, not willing to let herself feel anything because it just hurt too much.

“He’s very creative, and while he’s been a little upset lately, he’s a wonderful student. You should be proud of your son,” Kass assures them. A smile graces their features and they nod.

“I’m very proud of him.”

“Separating from them doesn’t mean you love him any less than they do, modeling a bad relationship is far worse than showing him that you can do something difficult and still be happy.”

“I know but thank you.”

Kass bites her lip and continues before talking herself out of it, “I found it helped to have an outside voice say it sometimes. He’ll adapt, and he’ll be happy.” She hopes it reassures them while she keeps them company while they clearly avoid meeting up with their former partners in the parking lot. She gets it. At some point, you just avoid the pain.

Their smile turns more genuine and grateful, “You’re his favorite teacher, and now I know why.”

“What a sweet boy! And you are too kind, I’m just doing my job.” It’s her turn to smile, though hers is more bashful than grateful.

“You’re doing a fantastic job, then,” they are emphatic and complimentary and far too kind.

She feels a bit like a cartoon, wanting to sway and go “aw shucks!” But she doesn’t, because she’s not a cartoon, she’s a grownup, and grownups don’t say things like “aw shucks!” when other very attractive adults compliment them. Instead she nods, trying to force the blush to go away and waves to them as they continue to walk down the hall towards the parking lot.

“Have a good night!” She calls.

“You as well!” They respond before rounding the corner out of sight. Right, time to get back to work. The next conference is a bit unorthodox, but it was this or no conference at all. So Kass pulls up skype and calls Selene’s father.

He answers after the second try, clearly not pleased at having to do this. Right, keep it short and to the important points.

“Good afternoon Serah Lavellan,” she greets.

“What did Selene do?” He asks immediately, forgoing any pleasantries. Kass blinks.

“Oh, this isn’t a disciplinary conference. The school likes to have conferences with all the parents to let them know what we’re doing and how the students are doing. Selene is a great student.”

“Then why is this conference necessary? I have a shop to run –

“Serah, there are some things I need to go over with you about your daughter. For the last couple of weeks Selene has been falling asleep in class. It’s usually early in the morning, and it usually helps if she has a snack to help wake her up. At first, I was worried the homework workload was too high, so I reduced it to one worksheet a night. But she still seems to be having some trouble – an earlier bedtime and less screen time may help –

“Selene!” He calls instead. Oh dear.

“Yes, father?” Kass hears a familiar voice off screen.

“Stop falling asleep in class,” he demands. It is a tone of voice that Kass is familiar with. Qal spoke like that to Ash sometimes, to Kass more often. Stop wetting your pants, Ashokara, it’s not that hard! I won’t keep buying you clothes! Kassaran, can you for once just have dinner ready when I get home? Kassaran!

As she said, Kassaran is familiar with asshole fathers.

“Serah, this isn’t something you can command her to stop doing. She’s falling asleep because she’s tired, she’s tired because she’s not getting enough sleep. She needs to be going to bed at eight, at the latest. And I think she may need to eat more. If her sleep is disturbed because of spirits with her magic, then I can recommend some specialists to help her with that. We even have a great counseling team for it here at school. Your daughter is very bright and she is a joy to have in class, I am just worried about the amount of sleep she is getting.” Kass explains, using her authoritative teacher voice. Selene’s father’s face purses, his entire face, it’s quite the expression really.

“Is that all?” He asks and Kass has to force herself not to yell.

“Serah Lavellan, I understand that your wife passed not too long ago. I know it’s difficult to raise a child by yourself, I can give you resources, there’s no shame. There are support groups for single parents with mage children even.”

He looks even more put out, “I asked if that was all.”

Must. Not. Yell.

“No, it is not all. Because I haven’t told you how smart Selene is. How gifted she is and how she could be in the gifted courses if she was getting enough sleep.” It’s important to not insult parents, but it’s also important to advocate for her students. And right now, Selene needs that advocate.

But maybe Kass shouldn’t have pressed that hard because he scowls more impressively and shakes his head slightly as he looks down.

“I do not come into your classroom telling you how to teach, do not contact me and presume to tell me how to raise my daughter. She will stop falling asleep in your class. Good night, Ms. Tashorit.” The skype calls hangs up before she can answer, and it is her turn to scowl. Stupid, asshole fathers. Severely annoyed, Kass makes note to turn Selene’s recess into nap time. If she cannot sleep at home, she can sleep here when she can. It’s not a perfect solution, recess is important, but sleep is more important. It’s only an hour, but…it’s something.

And since this conference ended earlier than expected, Kass packs up and heads over to Ash’s elementary school. Why the schools always schedule conferences on the same days, she’ll never understand. Teachers often have children and need to go to conferences which they can’t do if they’re holding conferences of their own! And not everyone has a spouse who is able or willing to go to the conferences. Besides, Kass wants to be there.

Ash’s elementary school is supposedly only fifteen minutes away from the one Kass works at, but that never takes traffic into account. It takes her forty minutes to get to the school and even with her leaving early, she’s ten minutes late for her own conference. She’s walking quickly, not running, to make at least some decent time. By the time she reaches Haninan’s room, she’s out of breath and kicking herself for not going to the gym more often.

Ash and June are inside the room, playing on a train set. He’s building tunnels and she’s driving the trains through them.

“Mama!” Ash says, jumping up and running over to her for a hug.

“Hey, baby girl. Hey, June-Bug,” she says.

“Hi, Miss Kass!”

“A conference run long?” Haninan asks and Kass sighs.

“Worse, traffic. Alright, kids, can you go wait outside while I talk with June’s papae?” The kids nod and head outside. June grabs an armful of blocks and skips outside while Ash grabs one of the trains. Kass takes a seat and lets out a big breath.

“Is everything going well?”

“She’s great, Kass. She did accidentally torch a folder today but to be fair, another student screamed very close to her and I’m aware of her history.”

Kass sighs, “We’ve been working on her control it’s just the loud noises are still –

“Kass, it’s alright. She didn’t hurt anyone, and the folder was mostly singed, not incinerated. Relax, incidents like these happen with mage children. June the other day accidentally broke a jar full of rice – it happens. School wise, Ash is fine. She enjoys recess and art. She’s also showing to be good at social studies. There is one thing – have you gotten her screened for dyslexia? Her reading speed is slower than average and she frustrates quickly with it.”

Oh, that…that would explain some things. She should have seen it sooner, she’s a teacher after all and Ash has been avoiding reading even at home. That means another tutor expense, most likely. Dyslexia is not debilitating by any means, but it makes things more difficult. And they really don’t need difficult right now.

“I’ll get her tested, thank you for letting me know,” Kass replies. Haninan is about to keep talking when Kass’s phone begins to ring. She fishes it out of her purse with apologies. Shit. It’s the lawyer. She bites her lip and clicks reject.

“Something wrong?”

She sighs. She should tell him, it will start affecting Ash soon so…he should know.

“Qal’s suing for parental rights, saying that I’m denying him rightful visitation, since he just got out on parole. I just…I got out. I got her out and he’s still doing this, so Ash may be…upset soon. I don’t know how to tell her that her abusive father wants to see her and that she has to explain why she doesn’t want to see him. I have to tell this to an eight-year-old. I can’t…I’m so tired of shitty fathers.” She rubs her face, trying to make sense of it. Stupid, asshole, shitty fathers who can’t parent, who refuse to parent, who only know how to hurt the offspring they somehow helped create.

“She’ll get through this, Kass, and so will you,” Haninan says.

“Thank you. So…dyslexia and more calming session for magic. Are there books that she’s shown an interest in?”

Haninan nods and the rest of the conference goes normally. Ash is a good student, and Haninan wants to recommend her for advanced social studies for fourth grade. And if she gets a tutor the dyslexia, she’ll likely catch up to her classmates. She has been hungrier than usual at lunch time and asking to go to the nurse more frequently, Hanina suspects a growth spurt and Kass agrees. Ash grows in spurts, she eats a lot, sleeps a lot, then shoots like up like a weed.

He shows her some of her artwork and her social studies worksheets. Her little gifted baby. And he’s right, they’ll get through this. They got through the worst of it, actually living with Qal. This…this too shall pass and she can be strong for her daughter, even if she has her weak moments.

Kass thanks Haninan and they confirm a playdate for the kids on the weekend.

On the way home, Ash asks if they can have milkshakes for dessert, and Kass can’t bring herself to say no.

Kass knows a thing or two about asshole fathers. But she also knows a thing or two about what makes a parent good. Mirena, Faunalyn, Nithroel, Melarue, Haninan – they’re all good parents. And as much as shitty fathers suck, she knows that the good can outweigh the bad. Kass is a good mom, she’ll get Ash through this.

[inexpensiveprogress]

John and Russell

  Augustus John - Self Portrait, 1920.

After the Second World War had effectively ended with the United States dropping the two nuclear weapons on the Japanese cities of Hiroshima and Nagasaki on August 6th and 9th, 1945, the world was closing one door to war and opening another into the Cold War. This was both an arms-race and a stand-off. Peace movements and rallies had some worth to them then.  

Augustus John joined the Peace Pledge Union as a pacifist in the 1950s, and on the 17th September 1961, just over a month before his death, he joined the Committee of 100's anti-nuclear weapons demonstration in Trafalgar Square, London. At the time, his son, Admiral Sir Caspar John was First Sea Lord and Chief of Naval Staff. It can only be guessed that Caspar John was not happy about it. Further more he was invited to join an CND demonstration by Bertrand Russell.

From Augustus John Fryern Court, Fordingbridge, Hants. (Postmarked 15 Feb 1961)

Dear Lord Russell, Your message was brought to me while I was working in the studio (not the one you knew, but one further off) by the gardener. I told him how to reply, which he said he understood but I don’t know if he did so correctly. All I wanted to say was that I believed in the object of the demonstration and would like to go to prison if necessary. I didn’t want to parade my physical disabilities though I still have to follow the instructions of my doctor, who I think saved my life when I was in danger of coronary thrombosis. A very distinguished medical authority who was consulted, took a very pessimistic view of my case, but my local doctor, undeterred, continued his treatment and I feel sure, saved my life. All this I meant privately & am sure you understood, even if the gardener garbled it when telephoning.I wish the greatest success for the demonstration on the 18th although I can only be with you in spirit. Your Augustus John,

A few days later on the 18th February 1961, Bertrand Russell can be seen sitting under the banner of Action for life, a peace protest against nuclear weapons.  

At a peace protest for the commemoration of Hiroshima Day on the 6th August, 1961 Russell was arrested when he took part in a sit down protest.

At the age of 89, Russell was jailed for seven days in Brixton Prison for "breach of peace" after taking part in the anti-nuclear demonstration in London. The magistrate offered to exempt him from jail if he pledged himself to "good behaviour", to which Russell replied: "No, I won't."

 Cartoon from the Evening Standard refers to the week-long prison sentence served by Russell in September 1961. 

After he had spent a week in jail he was released. In October he gave a speech in Trafalgar Square.

Extract of Russell’s Speech in Trafalgar Square, October 29, 1961

Friends, During the last decades there have been many people who have been loud in condemnation of the Germans for having permitted the growth of Nazi evil and atrocities in their country. ‘How’, these people ask, ‘could these Germans allow themselves to remain unaware of the evil? Why did they not risk their comfort, their livelihood, even their lives to combat it?’ Now a more all-embracing danger threatens us all-the danger of nuclear war. I am very proud that there is in this country a rapidly growing company of people who refuse to remain unaware of the danger, or ignorant of the facts concerning the policies that enable, and force, us to live in such danger. I am even prouder to be associated with those many among them who, at whatever risk of discomfort and often of very real hardship, are willing to take drastic  action to uphold their belief. They had laid themselves open to the charges of being silly, being exhibitionist, being law-breakers, being traitors. They have suffered ostracism and imprisonment, sometimes repeatedly, in order to call attention the facts that they have made the effort to learn.It is a great happiness to me to welcome so many of them here - I wish that I could say all of them, but some are still in prison. We none of us, however can be entirely happy until our immediate aim has been achieved and the threat of nuclear war has become a thing of the past. Then such actions as we have taken and shall take will no longer be necessary. 

We all wish that there shall be no nuclear war, but I do not think that the country realizes, or even that many of us here present realize, the very considerable likelihood of a nuclear war within the next few months. We are all aware of Khrushchev’s resumption of tests and of his threat to explode a 50 megaton bomb. 

We all deplore these provocative acts. But I think we are less aware of the rapidly growing feeling in America in favour of a nuclear war in the very near future. In America, the actions of Congress are very largely determined by lobbies representing this or that interest. The armament lobby, which represents both the economic interests of armament firms and the warlike ardour of generals and admirals, is exceedingly powerful, and it is very doubtful whether the President will be able to stand out against the pressure which it is exerting. Its aims are set forth in a quite recent policy statement by the Air Force Association, which is the most terrifying document that I have ever read. It begins by stating that preservation of the status quo is not adequate as a national goal. I quote: ‘Freedom must bury Communism or be buried by Communism. Complete eradication of the Soviet system must be our national goal, our obligation to all free people, our promise of hope to all who are not free.’ It is a curious hope that is being promised, since it an only be realised in heaven, for the only ‘promise’ that the West can hope to fulfil is the promise to turn Eastern populations into Corpses. 

The noble patriots who make this pronouncement omit to mention that Western populations also will be exterminated. ‘We are determined’, they say, ‘to back our words with action even at the risk of war. We seek not merely to preserve our freedoms, but to extend them.’ The word ‘freedom’, which is a favourite word of Western warmongers, has to be understood in a somewhat peculiar sense. It mains freedom for warmongers and prison for those who oppose them. A freedom scarcely distinguishable from this exists in Soviet Russia. The document that I am discussing says that we should employ bombs against Soviet aggression, even if the aggression is nonnuclear and even if it consists only of infiltration. We must have, it says, ‘ability to fight, win, and purposefully survive a general nuclear war’. This aim is, of course, impossible to realise, but, by using their peculiar brand of ‘freedom’ to cause belief in lies, they hope to persuade a deliberately uninformed public opinion to join in their race towards death. They are careful to promise us that H-bombs will not be the worst things they have to offer. ‘Nuclear weapons’, they say, ‘are not the end of military development. There is no reason to believe that nuclear weapons, no matter how much they may increase in number and ferocity, mark the end of the line in military systems’ development.’ They explain their meaning by saying, ‘ factor in the international power equation’. They lead up to a noble peroration: “Soviet aims are both evil and implacable. 

The people (i.e. the American people) are willing to work toward, and fight for if necessary, the elimination of Communism from the world scene. Let the issue be joined.’ This ferocious document, which amounts to a sentence of death on the human race, does not consist of the idle vapourings of acknowledged cranks. On the contrary, it represents the enormous economic power of the armament industry, which is re-enforced in the public mind by the cleverly instilled fear that disarmament would bring a new depression. This fear has been instilled in spite of the fact that Americans have been assured in the Wall Street journal that a new depression would not be brought about, that the conversion from armaments to manufactures for peace could be made with little dislocation. Reputable economists in other countries support this Wall Street view. But the armament firms exploit patriotism and anti-communism as means of transferring the taxpayers’ money into their own pockets. Ruthlessly, and probably consciously, they are leading the world towards disaster. Two days ago The Times published an article by its correspondent in Washington which began: ‘The United States has decided that any attempt by East Germany to close the Friedrichstrasse crossing between West and East Berlin will be met by force.’ These facts about both America and Russia strengthen my belief that the aims that I have been advocating for some years, and upon which some of us are agreed, are right. I believe that Britain should become neutral, leaving NATO to which, in any case, she adds only negligible strength. I believe this partly because I believe that Britain would be safer as a neutral, and without a bomb of her own or the illusory ‘protection’ of the American bomb, and without bases for foreign troops; and, perhaps more important, I believe it because, if Britain were neutral, she could do more to help to achieve peace in the world than she can do now. † 

  Augustus John’s portrait of Bertrand Russell.

† Bertrand Russell's America: His Transatlantic Travels and Writings. Volume Two 1945-1970: 2

[makerkenzie]

“You are not my son.”

In my poring over Jaime’s arc, one of the things that jumped out at me was how incredibly terrible a father Tywin was to Jaime. His being a catastrophically bad parent to Tyrion is obvious, but what’s more difficult to define is how he failed at parenting the twins. Make no mistake, though: the twins did not grow up with a loving father. Time and time again, Tywin was a net negative presence in Jaime’s life.

Some examples:

When Jaime joined the Kingsguard, Tywin was so fed up with Aerys’s fuckery that he finally resigned the office of Hand, which speaks to the counter-productive reasoning involved in choosing Jaime for the white cloak. What happened then in the Lannister family after that? Tywin packed up his daughter and flounced back to Casterly Rock, leaving his 15-year-old son to guard an increasingly paranoid and sadistic king who wished to use him as a hostage. (That it never occurred to Aerys that combining the roles of “bodyguard” and “hostage” was the worst idea ever in the history of kings having bad ideas, was ultimately to Aerys’s detriment. But I digress.) There’s no mention of Tywin giving Jaime any warning of what he was up against, or any advice on how to deal with the king and keep his head. No mention of Tywin keeping in touch with Jaime after his return to Casterly Rock.

Come to think of it, there’s another point. Aerys chose Jaime for the Kingsguard not for his skill in combat, but as a way to insult Tywin. Jaime’s joining the Kingsguard was a completely foolish decision that has effectively taken away half his lifetime. That white cloak was not a lucky break. He has suffered immeasurable psychological trauma and lost half a lifetime’s productivity because of his vows. And he got there because he was Tywin’s son.

The reputation of “kingslayer” derived directly from the widespread and unexamined assumption that Jaime’s motivation for killing Aerys was to serve the rebellion through the same methodology as Tywin’s sacking the city. Whether anyone suggested that Tywin had instructed Jaime to turn on Aerys is unknown, but either way, the myth that emerged of Jaime soiling his white cloak was that his regicide was part of the package deal of Tywin’s army driving a wrecking ball through King’s Landing just after promising to protect the city from the rebels. The father was a treacherous, destructive lion, so the son must be the same. Did Tywin ever ask Jaime what had moved him to slit the king’s throat when he did? I think Jaime would’ve mentioned such a correspondence had it ever happened. Did Tywin ever say to another nobleman: “Well, actually, I have no idea why my son killed Aerys, but we would’ve had to execute [Aerys] anyway, so why not? I just didn’t give him any instructions to that effect, is all I’m saying.” Did it ever occur to Tywin that he was putting his son’s life in danger by storming the capital? The problem is I don’t think he cared about any of that. I think he assumed Jaime heard about the sack in progress and decided to kill Aerys out of loyalty to his father’s side. I think he was too narcissistic to ever entertain the possibility that Jaime’s motivation for regicide was a totally separate issue from Tywin’s pulling the rug out from under the Targaryens. I don’t think it bothered him that Jaime could have been executed as punishment for Tywin’s betrayal.

Vargo Hoat decided to cut off Jaime’s hand because he wanted to use Jaime as a bargaining chip against Tywin. Again: Jaime suffered because he was Tywin’s son.

Those are just a few examples. I’m not really interested in the sordid details of what Tywin did wrong by his children; I’m more interested in why. There’s one incident in Jaime’s arc that I think encapsulates Tywin’s general attitude toward family and explains how he failed so hard with all three of his offspring. The incident is the part where Tywin tells him to retire from the Kingsguard, and Jaime is not having it.

“You are my son—”

“I am a knight of the Kingsguard. The Lord Commander of the Kingsguard! And that’s all I mean to be!”

Firelight gleamed golden in the stiff whiskers that framed Lord Tywin’s face. A vein pulsed in his neck, but he did not speak. And did not speak. And did not speak. The strained silence went on until it was more than Jaime could endure.

“Father …” he began.

“You are not my son.” Lord Tywin turned his face away. “You say you are the Lord Commander of the Kingsguard, and only that. Very well, ser. Go do your duty.”

First: “you are my son” is Tywin’s argument for why Tywin should be allowed to make all of Jaime’s major life decisions. Second: “you are not my son” is Tywin’s response when Jaime refuses to be controlled. The implication is that Tywin has no love to spare for anyone, up to and including his eldest son, who fails to advance his political goals.

That much explains a lot about how he interacts with his children. He views Tyrion as an embarrassment to the prestige of House Lannister on account of his deformity, so he treats Tyrion like garbage. He’s happy to put Tyrion to work in running the realm when he’s busy elsewhere, and then sweeps Tyrion’s contributions under the rug once Tywin is situated at the Red Keep. He acts like arranging the marriage to Sansa is a great gift, and he may even think it is, but the “gift” in this case is one more way for House Lannister to consolidate its power over the realm. Tyrion asked to be rewarded with Casterly Rock, not a child bride. That gift is not for Tyrion’s benefit.

His entire interest in Cersei is as a dynastic pawn who can put House Lannister’s influence on the Iron Throne. Of course it’s normal for noble parents to use their daughters as dynastic pawns, and Tywin’s ambition, per se, does not make him a bad father. The problem is that he was so oblivious he failed to notice that Cersei was a thoroughly unfit candidate for a queen. He carried a grudge for years because Aerys declined to accept Cersei as his heir’s new bride, but he never engaged with Cersei enough to see that she was dangerously narcissistic, short-sighted, impulsive, and had a completely dysfunctional sense of priorities. This may be partly because Tywin is also a narcissist, but even so, he’s still sharp enough to have a sense of the disposition needed for a queen. I don’t think better parenting would have made Cersei any healthier, but a more honest parent could have prevented her from posing such a danger to the security of the realm. Unfortunately, Tywin has no use for a daughter who can’t advance their family’s position (and, being a Lord Paramount, there’s basically no room for Tywin to advance except to the Small Council), so there’s no room in his plans to account for the possibility that Cersei would be an unmitigated disaster in a position of power, even soft power.

Then we come back to Jaime, ostensibly the one whom Tywin loved the most. His “love” consisted in his idea of Jaime as the very image of House Lannister he wanted to present to the realm. Jaime threw that image out the window when he joined the Kingsguard. It wasn’t wrong of Tywin to be pissed as Seven Hells when his heir was pulled out from under him, but it’s telling that he abdicated any role in his son’s life when he could no longer inherit. He’s happy to summon his sons to put their lives on the line in battle when he starts doing exactly what Littlefinger wants him to do. In Jaime’s case, fighting in his father’s jackass war leads to captivity, which sets him up to acquire a significant, permanent disability. Does it ever register with Tywin that his own warmongering cost Jaime his right hand? Perhaps giving him a Valyrian steel sword was his way of apologizing to his son. If so, it was a back-handed apology, at best. He thinks of his children in terms of what they can do for him. He doesn’t recognize what they’ve already done for him.

It’s hardly a surprise when he’s dead, and Jaime’s grief is notable by its absence.

[evilelitest2]

100 Days of Trump, Day 10: Breaking Bad

Last time we talked about the mind set of the victim and changing yourself to fulfill a role, well today we are talking about when a victim creates the oppressor role in order mentally escape an internal sense of victimization, with our first but certainly not last TV show on this list, Breaking Bad.

Again, great show (until the ending), but I want to talk about how this can help us understand 2016.   So as I’ve talked about again and again, about the psychology of far right extremism particularly among white men, and Walter Right fits in among Pink and especially the Assassins, the difference here is that we are looking at our first intellectual character and this is the first work that depicts Walter White as a product of his society rather than the root cause.  

   See the premise of Breaking Bad is a lot more than how the pop cultural osmosis depicts it, yes Walter White is a chemistry teacher who is making meth to pay for his lung cancer but that misses a few essential points.  

Firstly, Walter isn’t just a random high school chemistry teacher, he is a legitimate chemistry genius who had the potential to revolutionize the entire business, but his sensitive ego meant that he let his college company just before it went on to become a billion dollar business, while Walter discovered that his chemistry talents weren’t really equatable to his business talents and was forced to become a high school chemistry teacher for a job he is both massively overqualified for and  ironically not all that good at.

Secondly, Walter actually gets an option to fix his cancer treatment really early on, his former company basically offers him a job on Charity with fantastic healthcare....and Walter refuses.  Because Walter above all buys into the American Dream, he is an extraordinarily talented person who thinks he is owed a fortune in exchange for that talent.  Despite being a “failure” by the Reagan sense of the term, Walter White still believes in the whole American Dream and feels like he is owed a fortune, that society is screwing him over and he is just taking back what is his.

Finally....Walter is partly right, not that he is owed a fortune or that his actions are justifiable but because....society is screwing him over.  Shitty Healthcare, stagnant wages, a crappy housing market, cruel exploitative credit card companies, lack of proper services for his disabled son, and a society at large that constantly judges and mistreats him for struggling economically.  

And that is why it is so important to watch this show to understand Trump, because Walter is a victim of a cruel and uncaring society which is treating him terrible for having actual Cancer...but Walter’s response isn’t at all appropriate.  A lot of Trump supporters come from states of economic poverty, not as bad as that POCs endure in this country, but still really bad, but because of the intoxication mix of white privilege and the American dream, they still buy the narrative of the people who are oppressing them.  And that is why despite the show repetidly making it clear that Walter is a horrible human being, that the way he treats his loved ones, women, minorities and his own most loyal friend Jesse isn’t acceptable, and his entire crusade is nothing more than futile power fantasy and doesn’t accomplish shit, there is a segment of reactionary white men who idealize the fuck out of this character, nevermind that Walter White regularly fails because of his own fuck ups.  Because he is doing what they do, taking out his own grievances both legitimate and illegitimate on...different targets.  Again it is worth noting that for all of Walter’s fighting, he never actually strikes back at any of the people responsible for putting him in this situation, he doesn’t lash out against pharmaceutical companies, he doesn’t take on the people who keep cutting his budget, all the people he hurts are either Drug Dealers who had nothing to do with him, or random civilians who are suffering along side him.  He is the platonic ideal of white resentment, down to the fucking hat

   But there is another important reason why I want to talk about Breaking Bad, because I think this is an unexamined aspect of the Trump residency...Walter White finds his life really really boring and a big part of his fall to crime comes out of the fact that he is in an adrenaline Junkie.  A major reason why he doesn’t just stop is the fact that the insanity of this life is the only fucking thing that Walter finds emotional satisfaction at, he does’t have any hobbies or close friends, he is unhappily married, and he craves the intensity that comes with the life and death struggles of the drug world.  This is why he keeps playing it risky when multiple characters keep advising him to play it safe, characters who are inevitably proven correct.  

   So how does this relate to Trump?  Well say what you will about 2016, but it wasn’t boring, it was intense.  A crazy lunatic reality tv star ran for president, and said the crazy things, all of the conventional rules about politics were broken, and then he won.  For a lot of independents who supported Trump, the fact htat they found him entertaining was a major part of the appeal, and thanks to the US cutting the education budget, they don’t really have the type of long term thinking skills necessary to realize “oh shit wait...”  That is why you ahve that Trump Regrets thing happening on Twitter as people realize this isn’t funny anymore.  This is the psychology of the Obama Trump voters, they loved 2008 Obama because he was exciting, dynamic, different, and made them feel something, and they were utterly horrified by how fucking boring the 2012 campaign was (and it was so fucking dull).  So when Trump comes along and offers excitement, they go for it, because the alternative is Hillary Clinton, boring conventionality made flesh.  Sure this is like the stupidest reason to based your voting choices on, but this is what some people do, and we need to understand why. 

  Remember Walter could have ended the show twice in Season 1, at two separate points he gets enough money to just leave, but he doesn’t, he sticks around for the same reason the audience does, those super thrilling and exciting scenes that we love so much....so does Walter but each one of those draws him further in this squalid little world.  Again, there is a reason why he wears the fucking hat, because it makes him feel cool and escape from his upsetting but also fucking boring day to day life. And say what you will about Trump, he certainly isn’t boring

[spottedtoad]

Harry Potter has become a surprisingly obsessive allegorical tool for liberals’ opposition to the Trump Administration:

I already gave my medium-hot take as to why the early Harry Potter books were such crossover hits, breaking out of the Little League of children’s fantasy novels and becoming hugely popular among adults, but I’ll disobey Occam’s Razor and offer another mostly unrelated hypothesis about why Harry Potter stories are such useful allegorical material for contemporary liberals, aside from a general hunger for myth and meaning in a post-religious age.

Harry Potter, especially the movies, is about the legitimacy of authority that comes from schools.

A hint to what’s going on comes from this New York Times op-ed from a few years ago, by a high school girl about to go off to college, about how obsessively colleges trumpet their similarity to the imaginary wizards’ school Hogwarts:

I was surprised when many top colleges delivered the same pitch. It turns out, they’re all a little bit like Hogwarts — the school for witches and wizards in the “Harry Potter” books and movies. Or at least, that’s what the tour guides kept telling me.

During a Harvard information session, the admissions officer compared the intramural sports competitions there to the Hogwarts House Cup. The tour guide told me that I wouldn’t be able to see the university’s huge freshman dining hall as it was closed for the day, but to just imagine Hogwarts’s Great Hall in its place.

At Dartmouth, a tour guide ushered my group past a large, wood-paneled room filled with comfortable chairs and mentioned the Hogwarts feel it was known for. At another liberal arts college, I heard that students had voted to name four buildings on campus after the four houses in Hogwarts: Gryffindor, Ravenclaw, Hufflepuff and Slytherin. Several colleges let it be known that Emma Watson, the actress who plays Hermione Granger in the movies, had looked into them. I read, in Cornell’s fall 2009 quarterly magazine, that a college admissions counseling Web site had counted Cornell among the five American colleges that have the most in common with Hogwarts. Both institutions, you see, are conveniently located outside cities. The article ended: “Bring your wand and broomstick, just in case.”

Why, aside from the promise of the magical learning that you’ll acquire if you just arrive at one campus instead of another (in real life, one school teaches largely the same Intro to Sociology and Multivariable Calc as another, and the idiosyncrasies are very often not in the more elite schools’ favor), do these campuses want to highlight their similarity to an imaginary high school? Aren’t these kids just finishing high school, eager, as everyone who’s ever watched the Breakfast Club knows, to leave behind in loco parentis along with their parentis themselves?

High school movies of the 80s were obsessed with the illegitimacy of schools’ authority; Matthew Broderick hacks into his high school’s computer in both Ferris Bueller and Wargames, to make a mockery of the so-called permanent record, and John Hughes’s movies in general are always focused on the improvisatory genius of children and adolescents and the dull brutish obsessions of school personnel:

While parents in these films are sometimes kind and sometimes abusive, their bad actions are largely off-stage, to be psychoanalyzed and complained about by the teenage heroes, who are getting on with their real lives. The antagonists are not parents but the unimaginative bullies running schools, eager to ruin young lives out of jealousy for lost youth and beauty or envy of coolness they never had:

This is a remarkable contrast with the Harry Potter films, which (partly due to the superfluity of British acting talent available to the various directors) often make Dumbledore and the various Hogwarts teachers far grander and more impressive than the teenage protagonists:

Snape may be evil, he may be good, but he’s definitely the person you want to learn Potion-making from in that scene- his authority as a teacher is unquestionable. The illegitimate teachers are those who are recently arrived from outside the institution- Umbridge from her government position, Lockhart from his book-writing career, Quirrell from his adventures chasing trolls.

  It’s no surprise that the one Defense Against the Dark Arts teacher to teach Harry anything is Lupin, the one with the closest connections to the institution, with his own past as a student at Hogwarts central to the plot of the Prisoner of Azkaban:

Nor is it a surprise that Harry and his friends’ loyalty to Dumbledore is a strange fixation of both the books and the films, as if high schoolers’ loyalty to their principals is more important than their loyalty to their principles.

Nor is it a surprise that one of Voldemort’s key betrayals was his cursing of the school when he was refused a position there, or that the culmination of all the films comes as a direct attack on the school itself, with the various legitimate teachers coming together to form a shield protecting it from the assaults by the outside world:

From an outside perspective, Harry Potter is a funny fantasy for liberals to cohere around. Going off to centuries-old boarding school where your mum and dad were Head Boy and Head Girl, where tolerance and broadmindedness consists of admitting that  lowerclass people can *occasionally* have the same genetically-mediated gifts as the gentry, where the greatest possible action for a woman is to let herself be slain so her son can grow up to revenge himself on your killer, where ignorance of the supernatural is a form of willful self-delusion,a pathetic blindness to the real forces that move the world, where all the kids eat Merry Olde England foods like Roast Beef and Kidney Pie and Yorkshire Pudding all the time, all sounds more reactionary than progressive. But if contemporary liberalism is the ideology of imperial academia, funneled through media and governmental agencies but responsible ultimately only to itself, the obsession with Harry Potter makes a lot more sense.

Contemporary on-campus social justice activism is often seemingly directed against the loci of institutional power in the universities themselves, like Princeton students occupying the President’s office to demand that the university change the name of buildings named after Woodrow Wilson.  Often these political actions take the form of “demanding the institution lives up to its creed”- if Princeton currently teaches that racism is wrong, how can it honor an acknowledged racist like Wilson? But, as Dimitri Halikas notes in a smart essay about Yale’s Halloween protests last year, the actual intent is overwhelmingly to increase institutional and bureaucratic power rather than to disable it:

Having all but abandoned their radical skepticism toward the controlling power of mass social judgment and the implicit power of entrenched hierarchical elites, today’s campus activists are quite explicit in their appeal not to demolish the power of administrators, but to expand it. Of course faceless bureaucrats should be allowed to issue behavioral codes of conduct, of course mandatory sensitivity training is needed to instruct students and faculty how to act appropriately, and of course new administrative appendages are indispensable in the moral guidance of university life. Each of the remedies called for at Yale and elsewhere is symptomatic of a new-found faith in university administrators as responsible guardians of social justice and as legitimate moral authorities.

Harry Potter, especially as realized in the films, is a fantasy of institutional legitimacy, that loyalty to the idealized form of the School is equivalent to an individual moral sense. Individual teachers or administrators might fail that grand destiny, but it is matter of bravery and not intelligence to make the school live up to its ideals; there’s a reason that intelligent Ravenclaws are almost absent from the stories, which are almost exclusively about brave Gryffindors facing off against sly Slytherins. Curiously for a story concerned with ancient magic, we are told over and over again that Dumbledore is the greatest Headmaster Hogwarts has ever known; the institution gains authority from its storied past but no one need look into any of those stories too closely, since the present is far greater. Like the College Gothic buildings that make up most Ivy League campuses, that resemble Oxford and Cambridge but were actually constructed in the 1930s, the appearance of ancient wisdom doesn’t need much to concern itself with anything particularly old, and even a fake Sword of Godric Gryffindor is sometimes just as much use as the real thing.

There are, of course, lots of things to love about colleges and schools, which are among our few remaining sources of in-person community in an increasingly isolated and atomized world. To a degree, the affection alumni have for their schools and the reverence that the public still often accords professors is understandable, if not always well deserved. As the left-wing 19th century social reformer Arnold Toynbee wrote, college “is where one walks at night, and listens to the wind in the trees, and weaves the stars into the web of one’s thoughts; where one gazes from the pale inhuman moon to the ruddy light of the windows, and hears broken notes of music and laughter and the complaining murmur of the railroad in the distance.” The ideal of college, Toynbee said, is “the ideal of gentle, equable, intellectual intercourse, with something of a prophetic glow about it, glancing brightly into the future, yet always embalming itself in the memory as a resting-place for the soul in a future that may be dark and troubled after all, with little in it but disastrous failure.” Whether you need $60,000 a year to do all that stuff is another unanswered question, but perhaps the Harry Potter allowed its fans to participate in the dream of an ideal community, even if the real thing remains as the complaining murmur of the Hogwarts Express vanishing in the distance.

  Getting Your Owl Harry Potter has become a surprisingly obsessive allegorical tool for liberals' opposition to the Trump Administration:

[myterisa-blog]

01.04.2017

Today was my first day volunteering at a contact centre in Bridgend. The centre is for children, who after the separation for their parents, need a safe, friendly and neutral environment to have contact with their non-residential parent. At the centre, toys, games and facilities are provided and as a volunteer I look over the interaction and make sure everything runs smoothly. I was looking forward to meeting new families every week, playing with the children and helping a family affected by a breakdown. I wasn’t emotionally prepared for the intensity that came with my first day. As I sat in the  contact room I watched as 2 fathers and 1 mother waited nervously for the arrival of their child that they hadn’t seen in months. One father had a bunch of Christmas and birthday presents with him, he hadn’t seen his daughter in 5 months. His daughter came in and the first thing I witnessed was that he couldn’t even hug or embrace her, they didn’t have this closeness or connection. It was as if she didn’t even realise he was her father. Children grow up so fast, not seeing your child in 5 months must feel like not seeing them in 5 years. I cant imagine all the things she had experienced in 5 months, it was no wonder her father was like a stranger to her. Another father was very awkward around his daughter. His ex-wife was also in the contact room as he wasn’t to be trusted alone. And for the mother, she was slightly disabled and immobile, but when her son came in you could tell her had missed her so much. I love the innocence that children have, the all-forgiving, all-loving nature of them. Because you are their parent, they love you no matter what has gone on. A lot of the children who come into the contact centre are from a household of domestic violence or abuse, or the non-residential parent was a drug or alcohol addict and this is why its so important to have centre’s like this that families can use.

For me, this first day was incredibly intense because it brought back floods of memories from my own childhood. I came from a broken family. My parents had separated before I was 1 years old and one of my first memories is my mother calling the police on my father because he had hit me. Another memory, I remember standing at the top of the stairs with my brother and sister in my fathers 4 bedroom house in Wood Green. My parents were screaming and shouting at each other, my mother was hysterical  and my father was red with anger. Arguments were a common occurrence at home, but soon my mother fled with me my brother and my sister to the other side of London. We went from a 4 bed 3 storey house in North London to a 1 bedroom flat in East London. Me and my siblings shared 1 bed which had another pull-out bed from underneath. We slept in the dining room and when people came over, they were always surprised to see a bed in the dining room. But my mother made the best of what we had. She was a super-mum. She raised 3 children practically on her own. She trained us all to go to one of the best grammar schools in London, we all got straight A’s at GCSE’s and we all went on to University.

I remember when my mum would drop us to school, roughly every month she would have to drop us off an hour early, because she had a court case. My parents divorce took 25 years to come through, for many reasons. I remember when they were going through this, my mum’s side of the family would ask me who I loved more; my mum or my dad. At the same time, my dad’s side of the family would ask me who I loved more; my dad or my mum. I was around 5 years old, I didn’t know what to say. I just told them what they wanted to hear. Eventually the courts decided that we would all live with our mother and we would see our father every Sunday and that he would have to pay child support. When we were young, I was around 6, my sister 8 and my brother 10, we would look forward to seeing our father. He would drive to East London, pick us up and take us to our old family home. It was weird to see our things still there, markings from when we had drawn on the walls. Paintings we did on Halloween were still up on his bedrooms wall. Every Sunday we would be there, sometimes he would take us to see the deer at Alexandra Park, or we would go and play on the climbing frame at Broomfield Park, me and my sister would go on the monkey bars and my brother and my father would play football or go jogging. We would also meet with my fathers friends, who were a family who lived close to him. They loved us and we loved them. Eventually, we got older and on a Sunday my father didn’t really know what to do with us, or maybe it’s that he wanted to leave us to it, but as children all we wanted was to spend time with him. He ended up buying us a cinema pass which allowed us to watch an unlimited amount of movies in a year. We had these passes for around 2 years and every Sunday we would see a movie, or even 2. Sometimes we had seen them all and we knew every single trailer that would show. Usually we went to a restaurant to eat every Sunday, I think my father saw this as his ‘proof that he was a good father to us’ deed. But at dinner, he wouldn’t ask us how we were, how school was going, friends, happiness. Instead he would talk constantly about our mother; moan and complain about her, telling us it was our job to fix things between them, involving us in their adult affairs and putting so much pressure on us as children. He was my father so I believed that what he said was true, I would go to my mother Sunday night when we were home and tell her to forgive my father. My mother was upset and angry that my father would involve us in things that we shouldn’t have been involved in as children , she never once asked us to go to him and tell him anything. Every Sunday it was like this, apart from hello’s and goodbyes, the whole time with our father was spent with him talking about our mother, how shes a bad person, she broke the family up, how we should live with him, how hes alone, etc etc. As a child, I didn’t think much of it. But now, as an adult who studies family law and wants to be a children’s rights lawyer, I can see how unfair it was on my father to put all this blame and guilt on us. However, it has made me into the person that I am and I am so excited for the day that I have my own little family, because there are so many things that I have learnt, so many things that I would not put upon my own children that have been put upon me as I was growing up.

As we got older the Sunday meetings turned into Sunday evening meetings, just seeing my dad for 1 or 2 hours every Sunday for dinner. And now, we see him every month maybe. We all have our own lives and we each deal with our relationship with him differently. My sister holds onto anger and resentment for everything that he didn’t do for us as children. My brother used to get so frustrated at him, they didn’t speak for years. My father promised him so many things which he didn’t follow through. He bought him a Mercedes on his 16th birthday but said he could only have it if he lived under his roof. So my brother lived under his roof for a while but my father still refused to give it to him. 10 years later and this car is growing mould in my fathers driveway and has still not been used. Another example, my father promised to may my brothers university fees, £9000. He paid about 20% of it then just stopped. My brother had to ask friends for loans so he could pay this because yet again, our father let him down.

Eventually my father stopped paying child support when I was around 9 years old. My mother was on her own. She went on state benefits and got job-seekers allowance. We got free school meals and I got my music lessons paid for by the government. My father was a double MA Charted Accountant, yet he still couldn’t pay for his own children. Her never even came into our flat that we lived in and checked everything was ok- partly because my mother and father cannot be in the same room together and partly because it seemed like he wasn’t bothered. Still to this day he refuses pay anything towards us, his excuse- he doesn’t have any money, my mother took it all from him after the divorce. So what was his excuse when we were children? I’ll never know. He made so many promises to me and to us that were never fulfilled. I’ll never forget how every week he would promise to buy me a shiny blue scooter that I really wanted from Argos. For 5 years he said ‘next week I’ll get it’ but I never got it. When I asked him why- his excuse- a scooter is dangerous. I know now that that was just an excuse for him to not spend any money.

I remember a few nice moments with our father. Sometimes he took us to Thorpe Park for the day, one day we went to the RAF Airshow, the times in the park, and when we went to Southend Pier with some of his family members. For a long time I was so angry at him. When I started university in Swansea 4 years who it was the first time that I had moved away from home. He never called me, to ask how I was, how I was liking it in Swansea, had I settled in well, how’s my course and how are my friends, and this upset me. When I went to live in the Netherlands for 1 year as an exchange student he still didn’t get in contact with me until I contacted him. When I would call him, I would get angry and upset. I would ask him why he doesn’t call me and what kind of a father he is. It made me mad that he didn’t care. That he didn’t do so much for us growing up. I would see my friends relationships with their fathers and I would envy them. But I would also see the positives, I had a mother who was absolutely everything for me. She was a mother and father for us and I couldn’t be more grateful.

My relationship with my father now, is fine. I have forgiven him for everything from my childhood but I try not to think about it much, because then in a way I remember how hurt I am deep down, and I have been suppressing it for so long now. I don’t let it affect me, I had a great childhood when I was with my mother, she really did her best for us. I speak to my father roughly once every 2 weeks. He’s not well, he has had 1 stroke and 2 heart-attacks and every time I see him I can tell he’s getting older. I don’t think my father will ever realise the extent of how his absentness affected us a children. When I used to ask him why he was like this, he was confused and angry- he thought he had been a great dad to us. Trying to talk to him about it was like going around in circles over and over again, it wasn’t going to solve anything. So right now, I can forgive him but it’s not as easy to forget. My job at the contact centre is very rewarding but I feel the heaviness in my heart when I look at the children. I wonder about the things that they have seen and experienced in their few short years of being on this earth. I hope that I can help them, that the contact centre in some way helps them, that it can be a place where they can simply be a child and not be involved in any arguments and disagreements between their parents.