#High Class? I didn't want to see little children cry | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

gemini-sensei · 1 year ago

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You're Hired | Boss!Eli x Nanny!Reader

Chubby!Fem!Reader ○ Widowed!Dad!Hawk

Inspired by "The Nanny" because I love it. I had to do this as soon as it popped into my head. I may do multiple parts, but it just depends. @sensei-venus (update: edited)

Series Masterlist

With three young children and a job that kept him busy, Eli Moskowitz didn't know what to do with himself. There were no easy answers, not after his wife died. He stayed with the kids for a long time, helping them through the emotions they shouldn't of had to go through, but it was life. It hurt to see them like that, though he knew his youngest wouldn't remember her mom due to the fact that she was just a baby. It broke his heart to uncertain degrees.

When he returned to work, friends would help take care of the kids. It was easy when the older two were in school and the baby could go to Moon for a day. She loved helping and taking care of his precious baby girl, but it couldn't last. Before a full year passed, Moon became busier and couldn't care for the baby so much. He understood, of course, but he just wished it was easier.

So he started looking for a nanny, someone to stay in that extra room in his house who could help the kids get dressed in the morning, feed them breakfast, ensure they get to school on time. However, every interview went haywire. His kids didn't like them or the interviewees didn't like the kids. One woman was upset his 18 month old wasn't potty trained, another was picky about how many of the kids they'd be responsible for.

On the other hand, his kids were unhappy with all of them. His son, his oldest, purposefully sabotaged some interviews because he didn't like them. He blew his nose in one man's sleeve, then showed off his pet ferret to one woman who was squeamish around small animals. His oldest daughter got quiet and kicked her feet when she didn't like someone; she checked out with a coloring book while he kept talking. His youngest made it clear by crying or throwing up on an interviewee.

Eli was getting close to the end of the line. He'd interviewed a handful of people, but none of them even came close. It didn't matter to him what credentials they had or who they worked for before, they didn't meet his first standard. The most important thing he wanted to see was at least one person get along with his kids.

He thought one would make the cut, but evidently that was too much to ask for. The snobby and high class nannies wanted to work for the him, one of the biggest names in the high tech industry, but none of them were good enough.

He just wanted to find someone with class, who he could trust with his children and whom they liked.

He was in his home office late one morning when he heard the doorbell ring. He wasn't expecting any visitors, so he wasn't in a rush to answer it. He was reading a report, intent on answering the door but ultimately forgetting about it.

He need not worry, though, as his oldest daughter answered the door. She was only five, but had fairly good manners.

She smiled as she opened the door to a pretty woman, who's face lit up when she saw her. She was a little shy, but greeted the stranger politely. "Hello..."

"Well hello there," Reader said sweetly. She crouched down to the little girl's level with a soft smile. "My name is Reader. I'm opening a boutique downtown because I love to dress up. Is your mommy or daddy home?"

"Daddy's in his office," the little girl told her passively. She smiled wide. "I love playing dress up! Do you wanna play?"

Reader was a little apprehensive. She was only going around handing out fliers for her boutique, thinking that going old school would make her stand out. There was no plan on entering any of these big, lovely houses. However, as the little girl grabbed her hand, she let herself be pulled inside because she didn't want to hurt the girl's feelings.

Her bag got dropped onto a lush couch as she was shown a big box of dress up items. There were crowns and boas and vests and capes and hats and jackets and so much more. Reader was told to sit down on the floor so she could get a make over.

"What's your name, sweetheart?" Reader asked softly.

"Mia."

"That's a pretty name."

"Thank you."

Mia wrapped Reader with a boa and a sparkly belt. Everything reminded Reader of her little vintage, thrifted boutique. As the items kept coming out, there were pretty garmets and jewelry. By the end, the child had dressed her in lace gloves and a long necklace. She felt like a kid again.

In the middle of getting some glittery eyeshadow put on, a roar came echoing through the house from down the hall.

A little boy came bounding into the room with a bike helmet on his head and a long red cape. He shouted and yelled from his belly, howling with laughter each time. It all came to a halt as soon as he saw Reader sitting on the living room floor.

He held a foam sword that he quickly pointed at Reader. "Who are you?"

"This is Reader," Mia giggled. "She's my new best friend."

"No, I'm your best friend!" the boy shouted and stamped his foot on the floor. "I am! I am! Not her!"

"Whoa whoa whoa," Reader said softly, calling their attention gently. "Don't you know? You can always have more than one best friend. Friends are great, so why not have tons of them to be the best?"

The kids were quiet for a moment before the boy spoke. "I think I get it."

Reader giggled and smiled. "Right?"

"Are you the best?" he asked.

"I like to think so."

Soon, the room was full of laughter and merriment again. It carried down the hall and into Eli's office. It was loud and fun, something a note above what the norm had been recently. He was curious to see what made the twins so happy, so he stood up and walked down to the living room, though he was shocked to see a stranger dancing with the kids in silly little moves around the living room.

She was dressed in some of the items he knew were from his daughter's chest of clothes. She smiled like a woman who never let the seriousness of adult life get her down. Her body was curvaceous and plump, parts of her bouncing as she danced and swayed to the tune of his kids laughing and singing whatever little song they'd come up with.

Even though she was a stranger, a light bulb went off over Eli's head as he watched them. They didn't notice him, and it allowed him a moment to observe the way she was with them.

Especially as Phoenix was about to run into the table's edge.

She gently pulled him away from it by his arm before he could slam into it with all of the full force his tiny but mighty body had.

"Whoa there! Let's be careful," Reader said.

The pause allowed her to see more of the room and the tall, imposing figure near the doorway. She straightened up and smoothed out her shirt, a guilty look dawning her face.

"Oh my gosh, I am so sorry. I've invaded your home," she said, startled and embarrassed. "I don't usually do this. Your children invited me in and I know I should have made boundaries, told them it was inappropriate, but your daughter was so excited and I couldn't tell her no. I should have, I know, and I'm so so-"

"Daddy! Daddy!" Mia shouted, running over to him. She grabbed his hand similarly to the way she did with Reader and dragged him into the center of the room. "This is Reader!"

"She's our new best friend!" Phoenix shouted happily.

Eli was unable to take his eyes off of the woman the entire time he was brought across the room and even after. As he came to a stop, he stood straight and tall, watching her carefully. His mind was speeding as fast as a bullet train, surely aware that he had lost it altogether with the thoughts that ran through it.

"Again, I'm so sorry, sir," Reader said, feeling incredibly awkward and scared. This man had every right to call the police on her and have her arrested, so she wanted to make a quick exit. So she started taking off the dress up items and set them down. "I'll go."

"No, stay," he mumbled. Just speaking it made him feel crazy. This was crazy, wasn't it? "How would you like a job?"

"What?"

"A job."

"I-I already have one. I, um, I own a little boutique in town."

"You own it?"

"Yes..."

"Keep it and come work for me. Manage that from here."

"Here?"

"I want you to be a nanny to my children."

"You don't even know me."

"I know your name-"

"I don't know yours."

"Eli Moskowitz."

He put his hand out and she stared at it stupidly for a moment before shaking it. She told him her name, then asked softly:

"Why me?"

He answered plainly, "Because you're the only person they've liked."

"Oh..."

"How well are you with babies?"

Reader was yet again taken aback. "Babies?"

"I have an 18 month old. Junie."

"Babies aren't too terrible. I love them."

"Then you're hired."

And just like that, Eli had found himself someone amazing. He just didn't know exactly how amazing she was yet. All that mattered were the cheers the twins gave as they hopped around their feet with giddy giggles and wide smiles. If only he'd known then how truly special it all would be.

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mar3ggiata · 1 month ago

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professional help, c23. He's with me.

simon riley x original character.

trigger warnings: violence, sexual assault, mentions of rape, trauma, sexual themes, swearing, use of alcohol and drugs, mentions of mafia-type organisations, eating disorders, death, depression.

song to listen to when reading this: I Carrion, Icarian, Hozier.

abstract: Simon. I'm back from deployment for your information. Jude is fine. Spoiler, sorry, but yes she is fine. I don't know how we didn't see it coming. It pisses me off so much she's always right… she's fine. she's fine.

'Good job girlies!' She turned around the room and clapped her hands. 'You want to do it again?' A loud group of four year olds in tutus and tiny pink ballerina shoes cornered her, screaming and jumping on her. 'Okay, I'm doing it with you.' She got up from the spot she was watching the choreography from. They followed her like a flock of sheep, blabbering the most random things. One of them had to pee, one was tired, others wanted her to come over to their house to see their Barbie dream house. 'When can we wear the big tutus, Aba?' She was helping them get in position to try their choreography again. 'You wanna wear a big tutu like mine?' she asked, spinning a few times to make the fabric rise and float gently in the air. She only wore it when she taught the four year old class, which she did only a few times a month. Their teacher was pregnant. The romantic style tutu made her feel like a water lily. It was flowy and fell down softly on her legs. She didn't wear tights, she didn't really bother doing the laundry these days. Her leotard was dark red. All the girls that young wore high pink tutus and pink leotards. 'Okay, you girls ready?' It was fucking hard to keep control of the class. They were small, they were over-excited all the time and got distracted very easily. The choreography itself was easy enough for kids their age, but with their teacher pregnant she would have had to follow the class until the final performance, which only put more work on her plate. She instructed all of them in their start positions. 'Yes sweetheart, I'm going to put on the music now.' She bent down to tie a ballet shoe and help another kid with her bun. She felt like they were all her children. She almost liked taking care of them more than teaching. She heard one of them call her name, the little girl was pointing at the door. She quickly turned around.

She felt a shiver travel through her whole body, her chest tightening. She felt a sudden rush of adrenaline. She was gonna cry. She hadn't cried since the accident, she immediately felt tears prickling her eyes now. From shame, from relief. She felt heartbroken and she felt content. A bit surprised, but she had hoped she would see him. She gasped out loud in a theatrical way. 'Girls! Do you know who that is?' She scrunched down to be at their eye level. They went all quiet and shy seeing a stranger look at them. 'I think that's Santa's helper…' She whispered loud enough so he could hear her form the door. Some of the girls's eyes widened, some whispered back a shy 'Really?' 'Yes, that's Santa's helper, girlies… Want to show him how good you are at ballet?' Some of them smiled and nodded, still looking at Santa's helper a little confused, since he looked like a demon, emo elf, way too tall and muscular. She quickly ran to the side of the room to put on the music. She was standing in front of the group. 'And one, and side, an' two an' side', she directed their movements by doing them herself in front of them. She turned two times on her toes, smiling at the girls that were imitating her. 'And, circle!' Some of them still got distracted, glancing at the door to see if the elf was still watching. He was.

Simon was standing by the door frame, his arms crossed on his chest, slightly leaning to the side to get the full view of the room. He didn't even stop for the briefing once they got back. He took a shower and changed, just to look half normal and got out. He stopped by her office which was empty. He saw her from downstairs, from the big windows. He saw her car in the same parking spot. He felt guilty. He felt like he failed her, like he should have been there. When they called her, few days back, something sounded off. Maybe he got the wrong idea all this time, he overestimated her. But at the same time, if things were normal, he imagined that she would have said she was gonna find a connection, she would have talked about the book, she would have given them an abundance of information on the gas field. She sounded weird. He stepped foreword asking her if she was alright. His mind went to Arash. It went to him circling her name in his calendar with rage, breaking the paper. She didn't answer fast enough to make him think things were alright. He felt his heart drop when she said the word 'splendid.' He knew it was a call for help, even if it sounded fucking stupid. Why the fuck would she use that stupid word if she didn't mean something specific, why not say 'all good', or 'yes I'm fine, why?'. She was trying to reach him, she was trying to communicate. Was he just going insane? 'I'll say splendid if I'm in trouble'.

He was the one who called in the base and ordered to check on her, told the soldiers where her office was and to be aware Sargent Tehrani was the prime suspect if anything happened. He had to practically run away from Johnny who was asking why he was calling the base, what he had in mind. The soldiers at the base would later inform him that her office was empty, bag, phone and coat still inside. They received a silent alarm that got normally triggered by Laswell's office in extremely rare occasions. Only issue was that Laswell was in Washington that week. See, when Alba got pushed inside she hid behind Kate's desk, she found the red button under the table. It was a kind of silent threat emergency thing she only saw in movies. She pressed it four times, so hard she nearly broke it.

'We got her, sir.' That what Simon got told when the soldiers got to Laswell's office. One of them shot Arash in the leg, he still managed to fire a bullet in Alba's direction. 'Where is she, is she okay?' he had asked. Let me talk to her, let me see her. She was right all along and he was terribly stupid for not believing her. She was right to be scared, suspicious, everything. 'She's here, she's uninjured.' She was hiding like a caged animal under the desk, covered in glass from the window that broke from the bullet. Glass in her hair, in her clothes. She was holding her head with her hands, curled up on the ground. 'Let me speak to her, pass her the phone.' He had yelled. He was walking away from the camp, mainly because he didn't want the others to hear. And because he was angry. Even Price had gotten out the tent by now, questioning what he was doing.

'Jude…' He said after a few seconds, assuming the soldier had passed her the phone. 'Alba, it's Simon' He said again. His voice was soft to her ears, it was soothing. Like when you're four and you're crying and your mom gives you a hug and you feel like the world is warm again. She felt him beside her on the ground. 'Alba, answer me', he demanded again, but still sweetly. 'Yes', she managed to breath out. 'Are you okay?' What a fucking stupid question Simon, what the fuck. She didn't respond. 'It's fine Alba, I'm gonna have them take you home, it's gonna be fine. You're fine, it's over.' He tried to reassure her. It should be me taking you home, checking your apartment, making sure your dog is fine… He could almost see her, frightened, shaking, with those pretty eyes of hers, all scared. 'Yes', she said again, only a whisper. Hearing her on the verge of tears made him feel uncomfortable, made him want to throw the burner phone on the ground and step on it. When he learned she even pressed the silent alarm button, later that night, he was amazed by her. She directed the privates to her location. He realised she didn't need for him to save her. She had saved herself.

She could have died, that was the thing. He had come to know her, he knew Jude, he knew Alba and she could have died. Alba who dances the Nutcracker, Alba he ate a burger with, Alba with the theories, Alba with the spine tattoo… He knew her. He had two sergeants escort her home and make sure the apartment was empty. He instructed they keep looking out for her around the time she went out with Jinx. He still had three days in the desert and, for the first time, he wanted to go back so bad it was hurting him. She hunted his dreams, with that frightened expression, Arash pointing a gun to her head, the privates at base having to take her out of the room and get glass out of her hair. He had to be there. Walking up the stairs of the ballet school, he could ear her voice, melodic and lively. She's alive. He watched her struggle with those little girls in pink leotards who kept calling her and getting out of their positions. She went back and forth trying to stop them from moving around, speaking to them so sweetly. He was slightly scared they would scream at his sight. Alba, of course, had everything handled. She was good with kids then. All twenty of them. She looked different. She looked thinner. She had her legs bare, the white tutu falling graciously on her skin. The leotard was tight around her neck and chest, her hair were semi loose. She was moving in front of the mirrors, all those tiny ballerinas copying her movements. She got on the ground for the last part of the choreography, which consisted in wiggling her feet in the air while laying on her back. 'And one, two', she rose to her feet and so did the group. 'Plié, relevè and stay!' As the music ended all the girls tried their best to keep steady balance on one foot. Alba was smiling, looking at their reflection in the mirror with a proud expression. He started clapping after a few seconds, which made her look at him. She clapped as well, praising the girls for their work. They all circled her, asking her questions, one of them hugged her leg and another demanded she help her take off her shoes. 'Excuse me?' He turned around, hearing a voice behind him. It was a woman in her thirties. She was looking at him like he was an intruder. To be fair, he was creepily spying on children from a dark corner. Not his best moment. 'Miss Peterson?' Alba's voice from inside the teaching room. 'He's with me', she assured the woman. I'm with her, he thought. With her. Me. He kept his gaze on the girl inside the classroom while she dealt with one particularly young girl, had to be three years old, who climbed in her arms. He let his sight stay fixated on her with that kid in her arms for a little bit too long... He ended up taking off his shoes and waiting patiently next to Alba's bag in the corner of the room, while more parents arrived to pick up the girls. Alba was saying bye to them one by one, their chirpy voices telling their parents all about the choreography and Santa's helper. He took a step towards her when she was finally free. The talking of the girls and parent had stopped, silence was around them.

Now that she looked at him and he was closer, he could see her better. She looked like she had lost weight. Her cheekbones looked pronounced, she almost looked pale under the classrooms lights, which wasn't really her natural colour. She looked small and fragile, she had dark circles under her eyes and a few spots on her face were adorned with redness. She wasn't wearing her usual bold make up, she looked younger, tired. She looked like she was going to vanish and crumble if he dared to touch her. 'Hi' she said. Her voice was like he heard it on the phone, a whisper. 'Hi', he said back from behind his black plain mask. They were standing a few feet apart, both with their arms stiff at their sides, him looking down at her, her with her head tilted up. He felt like if he looked at her for too long, he would get a migraine and faint. 'You said 'splendid'' He whispered. Her lips curled into a small smile, but her eyes were filled with sadness and desperation. You must have been scared sweet angel, I know… 'You understood', she replied. He did. He trusted her, he remembered her, he remembers everything she says. 'I'm sorry Alba, I am…' he took a step forward, but she shook her head smiling more. 'It's not your fault' she said, her words bitter and her gaze on the ground. 'It should't have happened', he tried again. 'I'm sorry.' She wasn't looking at him anymore, the smile had faded from her lips. She had her eyes on the ground, she was completely lost in thought. She didn't really process what happened. She found herself thinking about it and dissociating from reality a few times a day. Stopping with the pen on the paper while writing a report, or burning food because she forgot she was cooking, even though she was standing in front of the stove. She kept replaying what she could have done differently, she tried to imagine if she died, if she got rescued by Simon. Maybe Arash would've killed him too. She thought about him and how he spoke to her on the phone, it helped her fall asleep. She imagined what it would have felt like if he was the one that came into the office, shot Arash and rescued her from her spot behind the desk. He would have kneeled down with her, carefully removed every single piece of glass from her hair and face, maybe he would have hugged her and took her in his arms. It's fine, you're fine, it's over. She imagined his hand stroking her hair, telling her she was safe, no one would ever hurt her again. She stayed alive for the five days after the incident. She told Salvo, he got mad he wasn't there to help her out and made sure to call her frequently. She let Jinx sleep in bed with her to fell less alone. She got up five times a night minimum, to check the door was locked. Now, eating was a massive problem, cause her body rejected everything she tried to ingest. Maybe because of anxiety and PTSD, or maybe because controlling her food had always been her coping mechanism. More so, she wouldn't really go out to the shops to get groceries, she didn't have an appetite, she usually ended up making tea and forgetting about it until it went cold. The rumbling of her stomach reminded her she was alive. She struggled with memory loss quite a lot when she was sad, forgetting entire chunks of her life, living in a constant state of numbness.

'Alba?' She looked up when Simon spoke again. His eyes were big and kind, they were studying her like she was a rare crystal he had just discovered. His air was even longer, dark blonde and messy. 'You sent them to me right?' She asked. 'Yeah… you pressed the silent alert button…' he replied, trying to give her credit. 'Alba, are you okay?' He reached down and his left pinky brushed the back of her hand. 'Did he… did he try to…' he didn't finish that sentence, she shook her head. Her lower lip was trembling slightly, her eyes now filled with tears. She hadn't been crying at all, all those days. He was the first person to ask her if she was okay. Now, right in that moment, for the first time in five days she thought, no I am not okay, I'm sorry. She somehow felt it was safe for her to crumble in front of him. They were standing in front of one of the big windows, outside a light drizzle, the sun slowly setting. They were getting closer and closer. He clenched his jaw, not really knowing what to do about her crying in front of him. He took another step towards her 'You're fine', he whispered, daring to place his right hand on her bare shoulder, not really touching her, just letting it linger there. She was freezing cold.

She was the one that moved first, raising her arms and circling his neck. She pressed herself to his chest, raising herself on her tippy toes. He tensed up. It wasn't happening. He was afraid to crush her, that was his first thought. It wasn't normal, but he was already giving in, a strange gravity pulling him to embrace her. He felt her breath hot against his ear, he gently wrapped his arms around her back, circling her completely, like he had imagined all of the nights he could't sleep. She let out a long sigh, her whole body relaxing in his arms to the point he thought she was going to collapse. He could have counted her ribs if he wanted to. She smelled of faded perfume, the fabric of the leotard slightly damp from sweat. The skin on her arms was freezing cold. He subconsciously turned his head towards her neck, his hands spreading on her back, feeling her hard lumbar muscles. She whispered a 'thank you'. She was warm again for a few seconds. When was the last time I hugged someone, she had asked herself. He could have put her to sleep with that hug. She had hoped she wasn't overstepping and, frankly, she deserved an hug… She felt like passing out and sleeping. She struggled to keep herself on her toes to reach his neck, she let her arms fall down towards his shoulders, not wanting to let go just yet. His hair smelled nice. 'It should't have happened', he whispered. She let him go to look him in the eyes. He was close to her face and even though they weren't hugging anymore her hands were on his upper arms, his grip didn't leave her waist. He was very close to her, almost too close. He was at the point of no return. Alone, with her, all of it was wrong. Not normal. She wasn't crying anymore, he saw the faint trail of a tear on her cheek. He normally hated being close to strangers, he was sure affection wasn't something that belonged to him. He didn't know when was the last time he hugged someone for more than one second, and liked it. And wanted to do it again. She was so little, so soft and her hands on his black hoodie, with those pointy black nails… 'Simon', she said, tilting her head to the side.

'Are you doing anything on Christmas?'

notes: AH

notes: also, he took his shoes off………

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gogandmagog · 1 year ago

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so what are your favorite books/authors besides lm montgomery...I maybe just maybe am tailoring my goodreads tbr for next year 👀

“I love a book that makes me cry.”

– Anne Shirley, Anne of Green Gables

And apparently me too??? I’m just over here adding this grossly popular quote right at the top of this list after having wrote it up, because when I look back over these all-star books that rushed to be highlighted, I realise that… every last one of these moved me to tears.

But I’ve read them all half-a-dozen of times, at least! 🥺 So, here we go, here we go!

Beloved by Toni Morrison. This one knocked me out, good and proper. It’s such a masterpiece. It starts in the 1870’s of Ohio and follows a former slave and her daughter. It’s got a strong Haunted House vibe (there is a ghost), and it opens up with both something quite Maud-would-appreciate-this-ish and quite chilling; "124 WAS SPITEFUL. Full of a baby's venom. The women in the house knew it and so did the children. For years each put up with the spite in his own way, but by 1873 Sethe and her daughter Denver were its only victims." Mind, some people haaate this book, and feel quite strongly about it �� but I like prosey books (this is the top complaint as far as I can tell), and this one is certainly that. Some very harrowing descriptions of the abuse of slaves, to be sure, but I personally have never been one to turn away from that ugliness, because remembering and understanding its weight feels important.

Stoner by John Williams. This is a little bit like ‘life sucks, and then you die’ — hyper precise about mundanities and is frankly a huge red flag to see sitting on a dudes bookshelf but… I loved it so much. 😅 It’s quiet, but poignant, and in its simplest rendering is about a very bored English Professor falling greatly in love with someone who is not his wife. Keep in mind, I’m hardly a girl who thinks infidelity is either cute or excusable… but this book firmly lodged itself in my heart, anyway.

Giovanni’s Room by James Baldwin. I’m a HUGE BIG HUGE BIG HUGE Baldwin fan. And this is the book that started it, for me. Like, this novel will fully pull you apart, and give you a wallowing. I’d say it's even a great atmospheric read for winter, and I also even want to go ahead and say this book is considered a classic, but I could be making that up; maybe it’s just a classic to me. The plot surrounds the struggles of a bisexual man in late 1950’s Paris; he’s just proposed to his girlfriend, but he goes on and has a relationship with a male bartender. There’s race, misogyny, and class issues here too, but this book isn’t so heavy that it becomes cumbersome to read. It’s actually quite beautiful.

The God of Small Things by Arundhati Roy. Another prosey book. Maybe the most prosey book I’ve ever read… you don’t really get a break from it. But it’s so lush, and visceral, and the word play is sometimes so genius that you don’t mind getting fully lost in it (at least, I didn't!). This book could be labeled “tragedy” because it’s sometimes rather bleak – it's about fraternal Indian twins, Kerala history, and the lasting impact of childhood traumas, as well as the exploitation of the weak, really. But, there’s high points too!

Elsewhere if you haven’t read Peter Pan as an adult, I urge and beg of you to. J.M. Barrie (that’s James Matthew Barrie, and I will never stop conspiring that this is intentional of Montgomery and James Matthew Blythe) is right up there with Lucy Maud in the realm of exquisite and sweet storytelling that transcends age.

Of course Shirley Jackson, but you’re already a reader there! Fanny Howe has been an obsession of mine lately, too — I think I’ve posted her twice here and here — despite her being a poet, which is something of a fault that I’m being very charitable about overlooking (only half-joking, I really usually don’t care for poetry [except you Mary Oliver], not even LMM’s or by extension Anne or Walter’s either). Eve Babitz and Joan Didion are close personal friends (okay, it’s one-sided).

Anyone else that I read over and over are so classic that it’s almost white noise/nonsense to list them. I think the Picture of Dorian Gray by Oscar Wilde is my all-time never-to-be-defeated, and Lolita (despite its very uncomfortable content) by Vladimir Nabokov is a close second (I once saw Lolita cited as being ‘a love letter to the English language’ and I frankly agreed with my whole chest), and Down and Out in Paris and London by George Orwell (his essays are things of brilliance too) takes bronze. I also obviously throw myself at the feet of the likes of C.S. Lewis and Lewis Carroll and Fyodor Dostoevsky and Virginia Woolf and Kafka and Sylvia Plath and Charles Dickens and James Joyce, and all of Those Guys too. Genuinely. I also wholly stan Washington Irving. He’s most famous for Sleepy Hallow, which I’ll link right here because if you tap on it and read even a single line, I think you’ll be like, ‘oh right, he is sensational.’ And this quality continues throughout his catalogue!

Signing off with a true and sincere hope that you’ll consider sharing your TBR list with everyone, and maybe some recommendations of your own, too!!! Your opinion means worlds!!!

#this is very late and wordy #apologies 🥹

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akunari · 2 months ago

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Hey, everyone! I just wanted to share my own experience about potential plurality. It's gonna be a loooong post, sorry!!

I'm not gonna talk about my childhood, firstly because I don't remember it, and secondly because it's not that important (I just know it caused C-PTSD). But, it's important to say that I was very lonely in middle school, and so the presence of my imaginary friend started being stronger. Let me explain who this imaginary friend is:

His name is Rex, and he is a black wolf. I was obsessed with wolves for years since I was a little child, and his presence soothed me.

So, when I was 11 years old, I felt him with me. He talked to me, reassured me, and even gave me advice! Since I knew he was in my head, I imagined him beside me to make me feel less lonely. Sometimes, I felt more wolfish during the moments Rex felt I was in danger. So, my mood and behaviors changed a lot since Rex took control of my body sometimes. From a cute, shy little girl (I'm a trans guy, but I didn't know back then), I became a cold and mature person, even more so around guys.

For other children, I was a freak, and even more so since it happened that I talked out loud with him. Even when I had a friend, he was still here, and Rex didn't like this friend. He was right. Years later, I understood she used me for her own needs, and so I stopped talking to her suddenly, and she just didn't care. Rex told me not to answer her anymore, and I listened. I started having new friends in high school, and so I talked with Rex, and I asked him to leave me now because I needed to be normal, and a normal person doesn't have an imaginary friend, right? After that, I stopped hearing from him.

But, I could still feel his presence. He was here. Sometimes, I acted more coldly like him, yet I tried to hide it. But, it happened that some words left my lips, and they weren't my thoughts. Anyway, I forced myself not to see that, and I forgot about him.

Huge time skip! I am now 22 years old. I discovered I was fictionkin and therian months ago, and I have a kintype that is different from others. He transformed me each time I "kinshift," making my behavior and mind change completely. From being introverted, I became extroverted. From being interested, I became annoyed. I like philosophy and cleaning, I become bored with them and even hate them. Besides this strange kintype, I also act more childish sometimes. (These childish behaviors were always here, yet I had to grow up as they became less present outside) I don't talk, I am shy and scared easily, and I hug my plushies while watching children's movies. I can't control anything, and if I try to stop those shifts from happening, I end up having a huge headache.

And one day, I thought maybe I was plural. It's important to know that I discovered DID and OSDD when I was 19 years old and that I discovered plurality a few months ago. All the things I explained happened before I knew these terms. When I thought that maybe this kin was, in reality, a headmate, I suddenly remembered Rex. His name, his appearance, and his voice. And, I used my tarot to maybe communicate with him, and the cards I pulled were so representative, telling me that I should listen to my inner voices. And then I said his name out loud, and a huge feeling of relief and sadness invaded my heart. I wanted to cry, but it wasn't my emotions. It was Rex's. At least, this is how I understood it.

I often "dissociated", even in high school (my mood switched so much I thought I had BPD!), and it still happens. I don't hear voices, but I do feel they want to say something. But sometimes, I'm surprised by my thoughts. Like, in a philosophy class I was enjoying, I heard, "Oh, it's so boring..." and then someone replied, "No, it's interesting." When I "dissociate", I remember everything or, if it was because of a negative trigger, my memories are blurry. When I "dissociate", it's like my vision becomes blurry and narrowed, I can't focus on anything, and after a few minutes of zoning out, I often feel different. Like I'm someone else.

This is how I feel, and this is why I think I might be plural. I'm not self-diagnosing myself. (I will wait for my appointment with the psychiatrist in February to get one.) But, for now, I can't deny that it's a huge possibility. Even if I'm not diagnosed with anything, in the end, my feelings are still valid. And as much as I am scared that I might fake it, I remember that I don't fake because faking means you know you are faking, and so I would actually be mistaken. But, with all that, can I have mistaken anything?

What makes people sure they are plural? Do they overthink as much as I do? Do I need to wait a bit more to see if I have more "strange experiences" to say I am plural? I don't think I am creating those symptoms since they have been here for years now.

Sorry for the long post, I'm not even sure if someone will read it, hehe. But if you do, thank you, and feel free to share your thoughts with me ^^

#am i plural?#questioning plural #plural community #plurality #plural system #akuu's journaling

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roseytheteacup · 2 years ago

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Can you do headcannons about human reader age 13/14 with the shamaki/mukami brothers

Sure I'll give it my best shot

-Sakamaki

when you were dropped off at their house they were confused

"Um why is there a child here "

you explained you were dropped off by a church member because they thought they were a "welcoming family" because of the people that were brought to them as sacrificial brides which this member didn't know,but you didn't care a place to stay other than the church and you get to explore stuff without them telling you what to do you weren't complaining.

you kinda were like "sup"

and you explained what was going on

first ayato made fun of you for being short

or if you were tall like me in middle school Subaru is probably holding his laughter about how you and ayato were they same height(I believe he was 5'7,I was the same height at 13/14)

Well they didn't mind honestly I see Reiji giving you some books for early high school prep

now when a person comes to ask you out regardless of gender they are going to overprotective brothers especially if the person is a young vampire in your class

the numbnuts would probably try to make front of kanato after either Laito kicks him out or you reject them

Let's say you learn not only self defense but you learn how to use a body as fertilizer for new flowers in the garden

Gardening 101 XD

-Muakami

I don't know much about diabolik lovers besides the anime and bits and pieces I found on the internet about the manga and games but I feel like you may accidentally stumble upon their home either running away from crappy family or same situation above

They are a bit more calm about this sorta ordeal seeing as they didn't have the greatest upbring and they didn't have a home a lot

You bet big brother Ruki is giving you your own library because he wants you to be well informed and since they have extra rooms he needs something to do besides keep the other 3 menaces calm

"So here we have some historical books you might - Yuma drop kou I know your mad he went in your room, wait where's - AZUZSA DROP THE KNIFE"

bro getting gray hairs and not even fully alive

Yuma definitely teaches you how to prank you like switching his shampoo with white hair dye

"Oh hey little kitten - wait why are you laughing?"

Kou does the same and teaches you how to prank yuma like by writing "Garden Hoe" on his forehead

Lets say this rival will be going on until the end of time

and Azuzsa teaches you how to use knifes since you are at a decent age to know some knife tricks

now unlike liking pain for others you get hurt he starts crying and wraping you up like mummy

"There all better- I know it's just a little cut but you could lose your arm"

the cut was the size of a speck

All in all all of them will treat you with great care know if you were a little devil child have fun on the street and no I'm not talking about my friendly satanist or my goth and emo teacups I'm reffering to those children that will eat half a wall then get upset that we let them do it

#platonic diabolik lovers #diabolik boys #platonic #platonic relationships #azusa mukami #yuma mukami #ruki mukami #kou mukami #ayato sakamaki #laito sakamaki #reiji sakamaki #subaru sakamaki #kanato sakamaki #diabolik lovers memes

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divorcingjimmatthews · 11 months ago

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New FROM OC, Abigail - she's here to steal Jim's wife (hear me out)

Abigail is Tabitha's high school / college friend, and because this is a bi!Tabby household, they were very very close

yes, i'm aware that Boyd's wife is also named Abigail, but they always call her Abby so i have no regrets

When they were young...

(as pictured in the smaller drawing)

...Abigail was always getting into trouble, and dragging Tabby into it. Abigail often took an odd sense of pride in being the only one that could make a good girl like Tabby skip class or sneak out of her bedroom at night, but also? Tabby was damn smart, so Abigail could normally use the help in her shenanigans. You can picture them in a pair of those "I get us into trouble / I get us out of trouble" duo t-shirts.

Some highlights:

When they were around 15, they found an abandoned warehouse near their school and set up a sort of secret hideout in it. Abigail used it to smoke weed, paint, play loud music, and crash whenever things at home got bad, while Tabby was set on cleaning and decorating it until it looked actually neat.

When they were 17, Tabby got seriously upset with Abigail when she realized that their little adventures had left her almost no time to study for a final. To try to make up, Abigail sneaked into the school that night and then proudly showed up under Tabby's bedroom window with a copy of the answers sheet.

When they had just started college, there was a murder in the dorms, which Tabby swore up and down that Abigail would not drag her into investigating. Two days later, they were setting up a séance to try to contact the deceased student (which was fortunately unsuccessful).

As they grew older...

...Abigail went through the seven stages of sapphic grief when she saw Tabitha was actually getting serious with Jim. It wasn't so much that she minded that Tabitha was dating a guy (Abigail had also done it in the past numerous times), but that she felt that they were drifting apart. There was no space for someone like her in the white picket fence life Tabitha was set on building. She felt pushed out.

And so...

...Year after year went by, and by the time Julie was born, they were not in each other's lives anymore.

But now!

I headcanon that no one will believe Tabitha when she tries to tell her doctors, her family, the police... about what happened. And she can't blame them (she would not believe it either had she not lived it), but she knows of one person who might take her seriously: Abigail. She looks her up on the internet hesitantly, but she feels encouraged when she sees she seems to not have changed at all since they were younger.

She seems to be making a living as an artist, so Tabitha shows up to one of her exhibitions near closing time, only to find a portrait of her that Abigail painted when they were young displayed among her newer pieces as a sort of tribute, which shows her that Abigail probably got the news of her disappearance through the internet or on TV. Abigail shows up, and stops her before she can read the accompanying text, then asks her where she has been.

Of course, when Tabitha tells the story, Abigail believes her. She has always been highly spiritual, but also, in her own words, "Tabby was the smart one", so obviously what she's saying must be right.

There's drama, though...

...we have:

Tabitha feeling like Abigail cares more about reconnecting than about finding her family.

Abigail feeling guilty as hell because it's true. With Jim gone, she can't help slipping into thinking that things can be as they were before.

Tabitha feeling like she's taking advantage of Abigail, asking for her help, letting her comfort her, crying herself to sleep in her arms...

Tabitha having to confront the fact that she didn't make a single new friend that she could truly trust like this in the past sixteen years.

Abigail trying to hide the fact that she doesn't get why anyone would want a marriage or children while simultaneously wishing she could gay marry Tabby right now.

Tabby seemingly not getting why they ever drifted apart while Abigail has been painfully aware of it for more years than she can count.

...And more!

But what about Jim? :'(

You don't have to worry for him. He can get Jade in the divorce.

inspirations: siouxsie sioux, natalie scatorccio, chloe price

(thanks for coming to my TED talk! ILU if you read this far. i hope i managed to convey my vision... any input is appreciated)

#from mgm #from epix #from mgm+#from tv show #epix from #oc: abigail #tabitha matthews #tabitha x abigail #oc tag #art tag

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sonderwrit · 1 year ago

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C113: Deja vu

I Have to Be a Great Villain - Masterpost

Author's 木火然 Weibo post:

This time I'll let everyone see Qin~ This release will also talk about some events in the past, younger Qin actually had a pretty good personality (what)

—

*sniiiiiiiiffffffff*

*sniff* *sniff*

Wang Yi: ?

WY: (Kitty…nuzzling?)*

(Basically a repeat of last panel from 112)

—

WY: (Kitty nuzzling? What kind of phrase is that.)

WY: (Why is an image appearing in my head.)

*the image in question is modern!Wang Yi hugging S-0

WY: *pushes* Master, this is uncomfortable.

QX: !

QX: Apologies. Did it hurt disciple.

WY: It didn't hurt.

WY: But everyone says the Sword Saint dislikes interacting with others. So it was all lies.

QX: ….

QX: Master does dislike noisy things.

QX: It's fine, you don't understand. Have you done your daily lessons?

QX: Come back after you've swung the sword a thousand times.

WY: [inexplicably a little angry]

WY: ….huu.

WY: (Forget it, I always knew Master was a weirdo.)

—

[Hello everyone, my name is Wang Yi.]

[Compared to those of my age, I'm a rather strange cultivator too.]

[Because…]

—

WY: Hah, hah.

WY: (Ahh… I'm no good at swinging a sword at all.)

[I can't feel emotions like normal children.]

WY: …..

WY: (It's still simpler to use spells.)

WY: *impatient* [shoots ice crystals]

Crane: *cries out as it's hit*

WY: (Ah, shoot.)

[I also possess nothing of the trait cultivators should have—compassion.]

WY: (I didn't want to hurt you.) [It was just an arbitrary shot.]

Other Crane: *crying*

WY: Eh?

WY: Why isn't the other crane leaving? Is it keeping him company?

Other Crane: *anxious bird noises*

WY: (But the bird was severely injured. It won't live, right?)

WY: (Since there's no chance of survival, I should end its suffering sooner. Once it dies, the other bird will be freed, too.)

S-0: AHHHHHH!!! SPARE THAT CRANE!

WY: ?

*crystal shards bounces off wood and slashes Wang Yi instead*

WY: Urk!

WY: (It deflected back onto me?) [My clothes are torn, it's so cold…]

WY: It hurts.

S-0: Eeeeek, why were you so careless! It's even bleeding, hurry and take care of it!

WY: Huh? You're the kitty I saw before. So you really exist.

S-0: *bats paw* It's not the time to discuss that!

S-0: (Although I agreed to hide away since Mr. Qin wants Host to regain his memories, Host's childhood self is really hard to manage.) [I have no idea what he's thinking.]

*System Y is a wanted criminal as well, and apt to be targeted*

S-0: Urk, let's just use some points to exchange for a quick-healing salve! (In any case, it's all points you've earned before.)

S-0: (Hurry up and use it.)

WY: ?

WY: … …treatment?

S-0: Mhm. (It's medicine that's not bad.)

QX: That is…

S-0: *shock*

QX: A spiritual cat? (It's rare to see spirit animals who hand over medicine.)

[Also has his memories sealed]

QX: (It's a high-class recovery salve.)

S-0: Mreow!

S-0: MREOW! *speedily flees*

WY: ?

WY: (Ah, it escaped.)

WY: Master…

WY: Why did you come?

QX: I was afraid my disciple would slack off. I came to see your sword practice. *pours salve on crane*

WY: Oh.

WY: (The crane's injuries healed.)

*wings flapping*

WY: (Why does it feel…)

WY: (A bit like deja vu?)

—

Qin Xian (?): Hey, Y!

QX(?): I said it could be saved, didn't I?

QX(?): You're such a cold System, saying things like killing it will set it free. You have no feelings at all.

Y: …….

Y: I'm a Villain System.

Y: Host signed the contract after killing many people and has exceptionally high potential as a villain. Why are you now…

QX(?): Hahah.

QX(?): Murder isn't a hobby.

QX(?): If I have to say it, compared to killing someone, the feeling of being together with Y—

QX(?): Makes me much happier.

—

WY: ? [back to his senses]

WY: (What's going on? Two big brothers suddenly appeared in my mind.) [Though I couldn't hear what they were talking about clearly……]

WY: Master. My head's dizzy…

QX: ?!

QX: Dizzy? Did you lose too much blood? (But it's such a shallow cut.)

WY: No.

WY: (Forget it, I can't tell Master. Mother says I'm too foolish…)

WY: (Saying nonsense outside will only trouble others.)

WY: *changing the subject* That medicine, it's super expensive right?

QX: …..

QX: It's expensive, but it's fine.

QX: Since disciple was going to save that crane, right?

[FLASHBACK] WY: (Then can I use this on the little bird?) [END FLASHBACK]

WY: !

WY: Oh? Did I want to save it?

WY: I was clearly planning to kill it before that…

QX: You had good intentions, but used the wrong methods.

QX: Take your time.

QX: You are master's disciple, so master will take responsibility for you.

WY: ?

[Mortals long for immortality, or power.]

WY: (Master is channeling spiritual power…into my injury?)

*injury heals*

[The things they want are things I'm good at.]

[Therefore, everyone who cares about me wants something from me.]

QX: Huu… *blows*

[But this child is different.]

[When he saw me, he only—]

QX: Does it still hurt?

[Saw me as myself.]

WY: It hurts. Master, blow on it again.

WY: (Why do I feel like this kind of Master…is a bit cute?)

WY: (Huh? What's "cute" supposed to be?)

#i have to be a great villain #manhua translations #villain 113 #preview pics are from author's weibo lol #i think i'll include them from now on since author usually says a little blurb too

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zyrafowe-sny · 1 year ago

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Thanks for the tag, @grey-automa!

EDIT: I think @violet-prism-creatively also tagged me in this a very long time ago (had to do some digging in my Tumblr notifications).

were you named/named yourself after anyone?

My middle name is my maternal grandmother's first name. All of her children (my uncle included) had her first name as their middle name, and a good chunk of her grandkids do too.

when was the last time you cried?

A few months back when I was visiting a place I knew I wouldn't return to again in a while - I was a combination of extremely overheated, hormonal, frustrated with people with me, nostalgic, and overcome by the passage of time. I don't think I cry all that often, but enough happened to stack at once that it came out as tears.

do you have kids?

I have roommates who are significantly shorter and younger than me.

do you use sarcasm a lot?

Never ever

what's the first thing you notice about people?

This feels like a question Spencer Tracy asked Katharine Hepburn in Desk Set.

Uhh... rough relative height/age? whether they are trying to actively engage with me or are just going about their day?

what's your eye colour?

dark brown

any special talents?

I can read non-technical English with solid comprehension faster than most people I've encountered (back in high school, I could read the same short story twice in the time we were given in class to read it once, and I always need to wait for my partner to catch up when we're reading the same thing).

scary movies or happy endings?

Happy endings, I guess? Not a big fan of scary movies.

where were you born?

about an hour from where my parents lived because they were paranoid and wanted a bigger hospital (my mom was considered old for a first-time mom at *gasp* 30 and they had trouble getting pregnant)

what are your hobbies?

I got back into writing fanfic after a long hiatus (thanks to Thanks to Them). I also sing in a community choir. There was a stretch when I was a little more outdoorsy (though never hardcore), but that's scaled back substantially.

have any pets?

Don't feel up for the responsibility right now. Maybe someday - my living situation is more pet friendly than it used to be - but I'm already drowning in home stuff and don't think a pet would help.

I did have a dog as a kid, but he passed away fairly young when I was in middle school.

what sport do you play/have you played?

I did marching band all through high school, if that counts. I like to ski but it's expensive and a 3-5 hour drive in reasonable weather. I don't ice skate nearly as much as I probably could/should (not sure where my skates are). My partner and I took some sea kayaking lessons once upon a time and I'd like to try that again, but it's not cheap and would be hard to fit in our schedules.

how tall are you?

5'7"

favourite subject at school?

That all depends so much on the teacher and exact class. I really enjoyed my high school physics/AP Physics teacher and even considered a major in physics/astro along with a social science major (am a hopeless generalist), but really didn't like my professors or classmates in college. (I have any regrets that I didn't push through because I like the notion of more women in STEM, but oh well.)

My favorite class as an undergrad was probably anthro of food - it had interesting readings and I got to interview people for a research paper (probably my favorite college assignment).

In grad school, I took a great class on human rights that's colored how I see many policy issues.

dream job?

I wish I knew.

I like: being useful, asking questions, figuring out answers to questions/analyzing things, figuring out how to best communicate answers to things, switching between more quantitative and qualitative work, being able to be just the right amount of stimulated between the work itself and/or any background media, being able to body double (I do well with cubicles/shared offices and less well when I'm in a room by myself), working more on deliverables than project/people management and presenting, and getting several-hour blocks when I'm allowed to just focus and only be interrupted by the most urgent fires.

I might have burned out badly in a past job when also going through some other personal stuff.

I'll be job hunting for the first time in a while probably inside the next year, and am dreading it.

no pressure tagging: @abstract-moth @thegrimshapeofyoursmile @enigma-the-mysterious/@sir-ballister-boldheart @childlikegoblinqueen @sercezgazety

And of course anyone else who wants to.

I turned off reblogs because some of this information approaches personally identifying, but feel free to copy-paste the questions into your own post!

#thanks for the tag!

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dvnbis · 1 year ago

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hiiii everyone! i'm cherry and present to you my little light, ha danbi. i haven't been in an rp for a couple years now, so it might take me a minute to adjust... but i'm super excited to get the ball rolling again. below the cut is a brief intro to this nervous, former daycare teacher. if anyone prefers messaging on discord just let me know and i'll give it to ya!

i haven't made her pages yet, but plan to power through some tonight. like her stats, a lil bio, and finishing up her pinterest board. i'll have all of that linked on the blog soon!

PRE-APOCALYPSE: growing up in a secure environment with parents who always had the best intentions, danbi wanted for almost nothing. almost. facing the boredom of a mundane life took a toll overtime and she was left second guessing most of her decisions, wondering if any of them were her own at the end of the day. straight out of high school and after a year of certification, becoming a teacher at a small daycare was the most confident she’d ever felt in her choices.

POST-APOCALYPSE: only a year into teaching and she’s stuck in the classroom with confused, crying children. petrified by the chaos and reality of it all danbi can’t even move to comfort any of them as another teacher is moving to take care of the few that remain. a few days after the outbreak she’s found herself alone, and amazed she had even made it to the seoul qz in one piece. over the following weeks she starts biding her time in cramped spaces with the situation seeming more and more bleak as the kdrt strengthens their hold on everyone’s collars.

JOINING THE FIREFLIES: she certainly wasn’t physically strong nor did she have much conviction in what she could offer the fireflies, but anything was better than the kdrt’s iron grip in seoul. was she ever one to make a solid path for herself? no, but with people coming and going, and mostly disappearing, she decided to abandon her life there before getting completely left behind. danbi chalked it up to dumb luck or maybe she was more resourceful than she’d ever get credit for as she stumbled up to the gate of busan qz.

VOLUNTEERING FOR DIVISION FOUR: seeing a change in how people were treated under firefly reign, she started seeking a change in herself. when the request for volunteers on an upcoming mission caught her attention she decided to put her name in the hat. mulling the decision over and over again was all there was left to do until then.

about.

she grew up with a few close friends and didn't have siblings, so besides reading or watching tv she found herself bored most days. she read a lot of comics, manga, and watched a few animes when she had time, pre-apocalypse. specifically shoujo animes molded her into a hopeless romantic of sorts.

she is extremely compassionate and has a quiet care for others that might go unnoticed at times. she's always listening and watching those that surround her, and makes it a goal to put them at as much ease as possible.

a talker. it's not always immediate, but once she gets going it's hard to slow her down. she loves lively conversation and interacting with like-minded people, but isn't opposed to arguing her point and learning from others.

she might not be everyone's cup of tea because of her honest friendliness. being too much and simultaneously not enough is something she definitely struggles with. as much as she tries not to be she is keenly aware of how self-conscious she is.

she was somewhat close with her parents, more so her father, and shaped her goals around their ideas. it wasn't intentional on their part, but she was extremely focused on making them proud growing up. she hoped to be as kind as they were. most major decisions she's made were guided by them, so while they supported her teaching career, they were kind of shocked when that's the path she took after high school.

she adored working at the daycare and couldn't have picked a better job. she devoted her attention to the children in her class everyday. she had only been in it for a year before the outbreak happened which devastated her in a number of ways. the fate of those children weighs heavy on her mind and often wishes she were a different person in those moments of weakness. maybe she could've helped them more at the end.

she's genuinely a threat to no one. she doesn't have the headspace to to harm others, and this becomes an internal struggle when she's in harms way. she doesn't have the fight or flight. she just gets stuck in her head and can't make a decision to save her life when it comes down to it. she thinks she's just extremely lucky.

she likes the scavenger role. it gives her purpose in this everchanging new world and keeps her busy/distracted. a bonus is that she gets to bring home little things she finds that her companions might like. along with that she's very organized and can quickly narrow down and find what she's looking for in and out of the qz.

hiding is another thing she's been good at since before the outbreak. you won't find her unless she wants to be found. she likes her quiet time with her thoughts and seeks out spaces for that often.

if she could get her body to move when she's in danger she'd be okay with a knife, but that's on a good day. like a deer in headlights you'll have to drag her away from chaos most of the time. like i said, no fight or flight. she's not physically strong and lacks the training to be physically fit, so she complains a lot when she's having to run or move around heavy items. she'll always try her best though.

she can be a little bit of a crybaby and isn't afraid to let the waterworks start. she cries a lot. happy? cries. excited? tears up. someone broke a favored item of hers? crying. someone else starts crying? she's choking up.

connections.

we can move these around or combine them however! just some ideas that we can play around with.

someone that doesn't necessarily care for her, but danbi doesn't get the hint and keeps trying to make a connection

a brief romance before the outbreak that fizzled out and it was just one of those timing things, but she never really got over it

someone who takes advantage of her kindness and lets her believe they have only the best of intentions when asking for favors around the qz

someone who helps her get a better grasp for combat and tries to help her get around freezing up. maybe it's one of those things where they'd rather not spend their time on her, but they're like you've gotta stop turning into a rabbit and just standing there. you're gonna get yourself or me killed because it's somehow always me dragging you along

for now that's all i've got, but i'd love to hear from everyone! i'm down for literally anything. like this and i'll come to you for some plotting, or feel free to go ahead and shoot me a message. thanks for reading c:

#frf:intro #i'll be around working on her pages some and getting adjusted to tumblr again!! sorry this is kind of long<3

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theartoffresco · 8 months ago

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Today marks thirteen years to the day and almost hour since I was discharged Brisbane's Mater Children's Hospital psychiatric ward following a few attempts that luckily, for the ones who know and/or love me, failed. So, I thought why not for a second year in a row highlight and put the focus on one of the good things that have come out of me continuing to survive despite it all.

This is a special shout out to the OG best friend, one of the most beautiful humans I know to have ever appeared on the face of this planet and one of the people you can thank for me being here today. You know who she is, the one and only Britta.

So, our friendship hasn't always been smooth-sailing on account of my idiot self for mucking things up, but what I can say is we currently present in each other's lives. As our inception goes, we met in high school. I think it was the study of religion where we connected and I remember the moment she asked me if I thought we could be best friends. It was only after a few classes and, of course, having never had best friend before I wholeheartedly accepted the offer. Turns out it would be one of the best decisions I would ever make.

She arrived at the right time. She made me feel safe and loved, seen and heard, so it didn't take me long to share with her some of the things I hadn't really shared with anyone at the time. My mental health struggles had been long, but it wasn't until I was best friends with Britta that I got the help I needed.

In the initial stages of the getting-the-help-I-needed journey she burst out in tears, one of the few times I've ever seen her cry, in fear of my reaction to her reaching out to high school-related resources about my situation. Of course, I wasn't mad, simply scared, if anything. And there began the beginning of my attempt to mind my head.

She did what no one before her had done and gotten the right people involved. I guess it's because she didn't want to lose one of the most valued people to her at the time. Months would pass and she was my literal shoulder to cry on more times than I could count throughout. Then, things were okay between us until they weren't.

There was a time I grew distant and more troubled and lost sight of what mattered most to me, which led to a misunderstanding on a fire-drill Wednesday and ultimately formed the catalyst for me to make attempts on my life. Of course, I should mention, what happened between us wasn't the sole reason behind why I made the attempts that I did as attempts tend to be multifaceted. But I spent the following Thursday and Friday at home making attempts so I did not have to face another day experiencing this little life of mine.

Evidently, my plans did not see through, so when I returned to school the next week, that did not stop me from trying again. I tried something at lunchtime on the Monday (or was it the Tuesday) and spent the rest of the afternoon clammy with the feeling that I was going to pass out at any second. That was the last of my attempts before I relayed everything to my occupational therapist on the Wednesday, which only happened to be the second session with him, where I eventually found my parents driving me to Mater Children's Hospital in Brisbane later that night for a stay of an unknown amount of time. For the record, I stayed nine days.

I am unsure as to what went on inside of me, but I felt different towards Britta from that time onwards and not in a positive sense. Unfortunately, I never spoke a word to her about how she was making me feel, which did not give the opportunity for discussion and healing if something was definitely off. And something was off. Something was off and I was hurting. So, during another lunchtime I finally made a fool of myself and drove that wedge between us. We hardly interacted after that. And I spent the rest of the year a little lost and confused and feeling as though I didn't belong anywhere. Then, before we knew it, it was our high school valedictory dinner.

I did not think about it then until recent times, but that could have been the last time I ever saw her. Maybe that's why, at one point in the night, I grabbed her by the arm as she was walking away and pulled her back for a hug. She was so gracious as to even whisper an "I love you," in my ear.

Fast-forward many years later and I finally found the courage to message her and say sorry for how I left things, but she dropped off the social media sphere altogether, soon after that message was sent, for reasons I did not find out about until she reappeared another few years later. But, yes, that meant we eventually reconnected.

Perhaps it was the universe's work as I once in the bathroom wished upon a loose eyelash that she would come back into my life, but whatever it is that brought us back as friends, I am glad and grateful for where we are now. She even visited me back in 2019 and we hope it does not take another eight years to see each other again.

So, what did I learn after all this? Well, as the saying goes, I learnt to: "Never ignore someone who loves and cares about you. 'Cause one day you may realise you lost the moon while counting the stars." I also learned that Britta is more than enough and will always be one of my favourite people.

So, I pledge to spend the rest of my little life making it up to her whilst synchronously finding the space to forgive myself for what happened between me and my dear friend. I love you always and forever, here and beyond, my Britta. I hope you know how much you mean to me. And there is no other I would have dedicated my first poetry book to… 🖤

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ambisweetiepie · 8 months ago

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I want to talk about my dad for a little bit. There is a lot of triggering content here, read at your own risk.

My dad passed away on March 9th. My sisters, my mother, and I had all left my dad. For my Mom, it was the hardest thing she'd ever done.

I have been low contact with him.

When I was in high school, I was in a bad traffic accident while I was driving to school. I was put on a stretcher and taken via ambulance to the ER. They checked me over, and despite the severity of the wreck, I was okay. My mom came to get me and bring me home. I was of course in some shock, but she helped me calm down and got me laughing by the time I got home. Dad came out and saw us laughing, and yelled at me. He was pissed that I had wrecked his car. That morning when he had heard I was in an accident and taken to the ER, he just slept in and had mom take care of it.

I left kansas first and went to college.

One day my sister was watching tv, spending time with my mom, when my dad wanted to show her a video where something bad happened to a dog. He was torn up about the bad thing that happened to a dog. My sister didn't want to see the video. He insisted. But she didn't want to see a dog being hurt. So my dad attacked her, choking her. My mom had to pull him off of her.

My younger sister has a mental disability. He wanted her to mow the lawn, and she was trying to. She got overwhelmed and exhausted, so she stopped and went to sit on the porch for a second. He attacked her for that. I was so furious that I was so far away and unable to protect her.

He was on the board of child abuse prevention.

He taught Karate to children, and would hurt them. He would hurt them on purpose to teach them a lesson. Children were pulled out of his class.

He was a frightening person to live with. He would scream and argue with you. It didn't matter who was right and who was wrong. Your only choice is to either leave, or admit that you're wrong. It's the only way to protect yourself. In the morning he would be smiling and happy and pretend nothing happened. There would be no resolution.

The trauma response I have from growing up with him has cost me multiple jobs. I have severe rejection sensitive dysphoria. This makes sense because growing up, rejection meant I would be verbally attacked. So now when I am given negative feedback on a job, I can breakdown crying. If I am told I did something wrong, I will agree. I will not try and prove that I didn't do anything wrong, or that they were mistaken, or that it was someone else's fault. If I can't leave, admitting I am wrong is the only way to protect myself.

My dad was never happy. There was always something he could find to be angry about.

I got home after school at around 3:30. Dad would get home at 4. I shouldn't sit down and relax at all after getting home. I needed to go straight to doing the dishes. But sometimes I would sit down for a moment, and then I would hear him get home, and the garage door open, and I would panic.

Mom regrets not leaving him sooner. She feels like she failed us as a mother. But she was a victim too. He cheated on her 3 times. He complained about her constantly. He was every bit as abusive towards her as he was towards us. His family has fond memories of how we always had family get together at our house. But that was all my mom, he hated it. When she finally left him, I thought he would move on. But he just had a new thing to be angry and upset about. He never stopped trying to get my mom back. Mom has confided with me that she had to leave because it was either him or her. She was not clear on if she meant he would have killed her, or that she would have killed herself.

His family has had so much animosity for us. For leaving him. From his point of view, and his side of the story, we left him for nothing. What did he do wrong? If you try to explain something, he would say "that was one time!" and wouldn't believe that you left him for one thing he did once.

People had such nice things to say about him at his funeral.

I've had a hard time. Nowhere near as hard of a time as if I had lost my mom or one of my sisters. Not as hard as losing someone who was actually close to me.

How do you mourn someone like that? He was still my father. He will always be my dad. He loved his children. He would have killed us if we had stayed. He would have absolutely accidentally choked one of us to death. If mom wasn't there to pull him off of my sister, she may have died.

We had no proof, but we are all certain he sexually assaulted my older sister when she was a child. Memories rose up only a few years ago for her. Part of us could say that those aren't real memories. But none of us would. Of course we are going to believe her. It only makes sense that he would have done that. It lines up.

For the past 5-10 years I've been low contact with him. He was an old man in detererating health because he didn't take care of himself. He did drugs and ate unhealthy food. He is the kind of person who has always believed his own lies. So he fully believed we up and left him for no reason. That we kicked him out when he visited on Christmas for no reason.

Most of my family was no-contact with him.

Before my sister had those memories of him, a certain cycle happened multiple time. She would be no contact. She would be low contact. She would believe he was better. She would allow herself to have a relationship with him again, and open her heart to him. He would hurt her. She would go no contact. He would be outraged and not understand why suddenly she went no contact.

I talked to him rarely, and lied to him constantly. "No, I don't know why everyone stopped talking to you beginning a few years ago. No, I do not talk to my siblings. I talk to you rarely on the phone, because that's the way I am. I barely talk to anyone on the phone. My older sister? No, we had a falling out and so I do not know her address." I steered the conversations away from them and kept it surface level.

If I cut him off, if we had all cut him off. He would have come out in person. He had my address. He had my younger sister's address.

If I just talk to him lightly, low contact, here and there. It was a balancing act, but it kept me safe, and protected his old man emotions.

My older sister was upset when he died, because he never admited any fault. He never apologized.

Of course he didn't, he was never mentally well. He never understood he was at any fault. That was something she would have never gotten.

I don't have anywhere I was going with this. I just needed to write things down.

The day he died was my older sister's birthday. In a way, it was fitting.

#tw: sa #tw: child abuse #tw: abuse #tw: sucidal thoughts #tw: death

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beautifulsnake2162020 · 2 years ago

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Higher Intervention: Aemond x FemReader (House of the Dragon x Sandman fanfic) Part 13

Disclaimer: This is a fanwork to show appreciation for the intellectual properties used. I also haven’t read Fire and Blood and most if not all that I know is from the TV show.

Premise: Alys Velaryon, older twin sister of Jace Velaryon is the only member among Rhaenyra’s children whom Aemond cannot completely hate. As their love story progresses, a newer and larger threat complicates things and reveals discoveries that neither the greens or the blacks had ever imagined.

AN: We are now at war, and the battle of the Gods and of men has officially begun. This version of the Dance of Dragons involve both men and the other worldly and is now not just a Westerosi concern. This might seem a bit rushed because I'm trying to finish the story before my next semster classes officially begin. Or at least before I officially become focused on it. Also while there is background geopolitics, I'll mainly still focus on the love story aspect.

If you wish to read the previous parts (which I recommend you do if you haven’t read them yet):

Part 1 / Part 2/ Part 3/ Part 4/ Part 5 / Part 6 / Part 7 / Part 8 / Part 9 / Part 10 / Part 11/ Part 12 Taglist (comment down below if you want to be included): @winxschester @memento-mora @mxrgodsstuff @thepowerstoner Also tagging:

@lady-phasma @aemonds-war-crime @adderess @princeaemonds because some of their ideas of Aemond have undoubtedly influenced my work.

You find yourself in a strange state of unconsciousness. Not awake enough to fight back against the Storm God, but not deep enough to be able to enter the Dreaming. Credit where credit is due, whomever thought to keep you in this state was wise and that you were practically useless in this state.

All you can do is somehow hope that Aemond had heard your cry as you were kidnapped by the Storm God and Balerion. You remember that you thought initially it was just a thunderstorm. You should have known to be skeptical of a thunderstorm suddenly appearing so conveniently once Aemond's party has arrived in the North, far away even on dragonback, to return to King's landing right away.

You hope that Aemond either heard your cries or that he would learn of it soon, You hope that your dragon children are fine and have managed to escape the conflict somehow. You wouldn't put it past Balerion or the Storm God to also capture and to use them as leverage against you and against your family.

You steady yourself as you check on your unborn child. If either Balerion or the Storm God has caused any harm on your fetus then you will be more than pissed and you would ensure that these two would suffer a fate worse than death. Fortunately you feel it still getting your energy and to your relief, it didn't seem to have suffered any injury.

"You are not going to die." You tell your unborn child.

"Your father and I have worked hard to conceive you." You say to it mentally as you reach into yourself to give it a little more life force - more vitality - for your peace of mind. After awhile as you rest and recuperate whatever energy you can, you hear voices as you slowly find yourself waking up.

"How dare you do this to my muña?!" Meraxes?!

"I don't expect a child like you to understand."

"I understand that she loves my kepa very muchand he loves her too. Why can't you understand that?!"

"Oh? Let's see if he still loves her when she is over here, and he is back in Westeros." You hear Balerion leave wherever it is you and Meraxes are in.

"Mera...Meraxes?" You call to her softly as you awaken in a sparsely covered room. The bed you were laying in was decently warm and comfortable amidst the cool winds that were coming from windows that were too high up for you to be able to close down. As you move to sit up you realize that the room was gently rocking. You and Meraxes were on a boat somewhere. Probably shrouded - making wherever you are hard to find.

"Muña?" You feel her go to you as she settles on your lap. You finally look down on her as she gives you a look mixed with expression of relief mixed with worry.

"Meraxes, what are you doing here?"

"Balerion aslo took us muña."

Oh no.

You feel dread and fury rise in you.

"All of you?"

"No mama, just nyke, Araea, Rhaegar, and Shaena. Uncle Luce and a Yi Ti magic person saved the others. They fought for awhile and somehow Uncle Lucerys was able to slash Balerion's eye. This distracted him while the Yi Ti magic person grabbed the others before they ran away."

You are relieved, better than having all of them kidnapped but you were still concerned that some of them were with you as captives.

"How did the four of you got captured? I'm not mad, I need to know how so that I could inform your kepa."

"I screamed when I saw you being taken and Balerion heard me. Rhaegar, Araea, and Shaena were beside me as we tried biting and attacking him but he put some type of sētera on us that turned into chains. Araea got really mad when Balerion said that he knows she and the rest of us couldn't make dragonfire yet because he created her and we were his sacred animal. She tried biting his finger off. Uncle Lucerys tried getting us but we were dragged away by Balerion."

Oh dear. It was sweet that they tried to do something to save you but this was one of the times when impulsive actions were a bad idea.

You pick her up and bring her to your eye level. You notice that you were no longer shackled as of now, but you don't want to assume anything. You, your unborn child and four of your dragon children are now officially prisoners of war. You now need to play your cards right and ensure that all of you survive this war and return home.

"Meraxes, ñuha tala, we will need to be very careful now because we are now currently in the hands of our enemies. Understood?"

"Issa muña." She says both remorsefully and intelligently at the same time.

"Now where are the others?" She turns her head and you see your three other children slowly waking up. The first to wake up was Aerea, the nameday dragon that Balerion gave you. She chose the name because it was the closest to the Andal word for air. Next was Shaena, the sole ice baby dragon, she chose the name because she loved the way it was distinctive compared to the other names that other women in your family had. And finally Rhaegar awoke as he joins his sisters in sitting on your lap.

"Muña? Where are we?" He asks.

"It appears we are in a cabin in a boat."

"Ugh, I think this is why I feel dizzy." Says Shaena as she puts her light blue divinely iced head on your lap in trying to control her dizziness.

"So you've finally awakened." Balerion says as he appears from the fire.

"Balerion."

"You stay back from my mama!" Aerea says as she quickly goes on front of you.

"Aerea let muña handle this. Alright tala?"

"Issa muña." She says reluctantly before you face Balerion's violet flaming eyes.

"If this is your plan on stopping me from punishing you, it's not working."

"Honestly Glaesēt I fail to see why marrying me won't solve the problem. You get to monitor me while I ensure you'll be in power."

"Are we really going to argue like this again? Your power came from me when you were only a minor war God. You cannot offer me something I already have Balerion. I may only have a fraction of it now since the rest of it would only be incompatible with my mortal shell but the moment this shell dies, you will no longer escape the punishment I should have brought upon you long ago."

"You mean 'if' your mortal shell dies." He says sinisterly as he goes closer to you and your children press themselves closer to you.

"You may have forgotten Glaesēt that by giving me some of your Divine vitality several centuries ago that I have managed to imbue it on some of the flora here. I have it hidden in the depths of Sothyros along with the other creations of mine that you have despised. And I have begun gradually feeding it to you ever since we have boarded this ship. You are too beautiful in that form, even now when you are gestating the mortal's child. But mark my words, you cannot punish me if you cannot die, and then your only choice would be to bind yourself to me in marriage."

"Have you no remorse left within you?!" You ask with disdain.

"Have you not learned what happens when you break the laws we the Endless are made to enforce? Do you really not mind losing Meraxes -"

"Don't you dare talk about my mother." He says with a dangerous tone. But you didn't care right now.

"She was the one who convinced me not to punish you. Of course we are talking about her. Isn't losing her enough? This is what happens to you and the world if you continue this way. The Doom of Valyria is what happened when you broke my laws and you were left unpunished. Now you want to break the laws of both my mother and my aunt just to avoid punishment from me?"

"We are currently in the midst of change Glaesēt." He says as he stands up and heads for the door.

"From what I know of your father's story since his imprisonment by a wizard, even the Endless cannot avoid change." With that he leaves.

"You're right Balerion, we too are susceptible to change, just not like this." You mutter as you stand up to stretch your legs.

"Mama? What do we do?"

"For now Aerea, we must stick together. We were forced apart from our home and family, I'm not allowing that to happen to us again."

They nod as you feel the ship stop and you and your little family was escorted into the territory of Ibben. One of the Storm God's major cult centers, though he is not the only God worshipped here. As you were escorted into their control you see some of the Ice Dragons in your periphery coming out of the shrouded mist to bow before their master the Storm God. So that's why you were placed here. Ibben was protected by the Storm God's Ice Dragons. Even if spies were to report back to Westeros, it wouldn't change that any violent rescue mission would mean getting through at least ten Ice Dragons from what you could see.

You were essentially placed under house arrest and not allowed to step foot outside of the gates of one of the more luxurious places available. Even though you weren't shackled, you could feel your movements being stifled.

You understood why they placed you in a luxurious place, and it had nothing to do with the fact that you are a Queen. It had more to do with the fact that should you change your mind and marry either the Storm God or Balerion then this was also going to be the place wherein the marriage would be consummated. Perhaps both of them were still traumatized and took pity on you when you voluntarily submitted to the Faith Militant.

No matter, it seems you and the little ones will be here for awhile. And you need to rest once again. Your unborn child needs some energy, and it's easier to do that passively as you rest. After you make sure all of your dragon children were comfortable on the couch near the fire place that was more than enough for all four of them to sleep stretched out; you then allow yourself to drift to relax as much as you can.

"Alys? Alys can you hear me?" You heart leaps as you finally hear his voice in what seemed like a while.

"Aemond darling, I'm about to sleep. Can we meet in the dreaming?"

"Of course, I'll see you there."

Not long after, you both meet in the Dreaming, you find yourself sleeping on top of Fiddler's Green in a beautiful starry sky as Aemond rushes to you holding a torch.

"Alys!"

"Aemond!" He quickly tosses the torch and it turns into a campfire as the two of you embrace and kiss in longing.

Once the two of you settle, you tell him what happened the day you were kidnapped by Balerion and the Storm God.

"I should have known that our defenses was not enough. Maybe if I had given more investment to the Alchemists' Guild -"

"Aemond darling, we all thought that way. But even the finest guards and the finest defenses were nothing compared to the strength of Gods."

"We also had Gods on our side. Even your family is on our side."

"Balerion and the Storm God have my aunt and my relative on their side too. And they are still more powerful than the five of us combined. My siblings and I are still in our adolescence - maybe we are even still children - in the age of the Endless. Aemond my love, don't blame yourself. At least Ayrmidon is safe with you." He sighs.

"Your instincts were right. I'm still trying to see how to best explain to him what's going on."

"He doesn't know yet?"

"He does." Aemond brings you closer as the two of you snuggle by the fire.

"He has yet to understand what's going on."

"Tell him I love him alright. Right now I'm focusing on protecting our unborn child and our four dragon children here with me."

"Hmph, to think that the same move that cost me my eye has saved the other five here now." He runs his fingers through your hair as you feel him relax from his worries even just briefly.

"I'm not sure how much time we have left here so I'm going to tell you plenty of things that you might want to look into. We are currently in Ibben, in a luxurious dungeon since they have us in house arrest and we are not allowed to step beyond the gates of our little area. From what I briefly saw, Ibben is surrounded and guarded by at least ten Ice dragons. Balerion plans to make my mortal shell an immortal shell."

"Hmph? How?"

"I don't know the specific plant, but he says he has cultivated a plant with the Divine Vitality I gave him when I first bestowed on him his powers over fire and vitality energy. He plans on feeding it to me to lock me inside this mortal shell. If I can't die, he cannot be punished."

"Wouldn't that be breaking-?"

"That's what I told him but it seems he hasn't learned. If the Doom of Valyria is the consequence of him going unpunished for breaking my laws, I'm not sure the world would survive if he broke the laws of my mother and aunty Death."

"Then I shall have to make sure that you do die." He says with an underlying dangerous tone as he gives you a kiss on the forehead.

"The plant is somewhere deep in Sothoros. But be careful, that's where all his other blood experiments are aside from Valyria itself."

"Oh fuck." He curses as he leans back.

"What is it?"

"The slaver's cities, Mereen, Yunkai, and Astapor have all sworn allegiance to Balerion. And according to the new batch of Yi Ti magic users and soldiers, their ships were blocked and attacked by the ships of New Ghis. They were saved mainly by the magic users who have brought some of their own water dragons and by the Drowned God and the God of the Seven."

"Oh no." He looks at you grimly before continuing.

"They were forced to travel along the coastlines of Sothoros to avoid any more attacks toward their naval caravan. Fortunately they were able to rest and recuperate in the summer islands before travelling to the ports of Old town and of Flint's finger."

He takes your hand in his as he leans in till your foreheads touched and your noses brushed.

"Alys, this is war now. And I promised that I would protect you." Even if I have to do things that you don't agree with or find detestable, is what he was trying to tell you. He wasn't asking permission, but gently reminding you that there was no turning back and everyone involved would have to bear with the sins that you're all about to do.

Such was the realities of war.

Of protecting what one loves.

"I know, just make sure not to forget our own people." You say reassuringly before leaning in for a kiss.

You knew that falling in love with him would not change his ways. But you also didn't want to. He is who he is and you love him for it.

It's just that now he has an opportunity to unleash it.

After all, what King wouldn't protect his Queen?

And that was how the first year of the war began.

Fortunately, Pentos, Norvos, and Qohor are all on your side. With Aegon and Daeron staying in Qohor in exchange for security and for the forges of Qohor to wield and your father on standby with Caraxes in Norvos.

Unfortunately Lys swore allegiance to Balerion. You couldn't blame them, they shared interests after all in restoring Old Valyria. Plenty of Old Valyrian blood runs in Lys and they were the closest free city to Volantis, Balerion's city.

This in turn caused Tyrosh and Myr to be neutral in the face of war. At the heart of it these two cities would rather engage in trade than get involved in an ever increasing world war.

"Be careful my love." You tell him through the ring as he dresses in his armor as he prepares to mount Vhagar and lead the charge against Lys. Wisely so, since your family did not have much experience no matter how much studying they did with the ice dragons and the water dragons, they knew their way more around a regular fire dragon. Their strategy was to target Volantis and Ghiscar. Since these are the areas that both sides rely on for their supply lines, if they control this area they could monopolize the area for supply lines for your side.

"For you and our children I will. The sooner this war ends, the better." He says with determination. From what you have been hearing from your father, your Endless family as well as other beings are all waiting for the actual fighting to begin. If they act too early, it would give themselves away to your relatives, Desire and Despair, and would make them vulnerable.

That is not to say that they didn't do anything though.

Sensuality improved Vhagar's senses and brought it back to her prime when Visenya was still her rider. She has also given those riding the Ice Dragons on your side provided by the Drowned God heightened senses that were compatible with the cold, increased warmth and heightened vision among others. Not too much because the better and more heightened the senses, the greater the pain when it's exploited against them. The price of sensitivity.

Connectivity strengthened the bonds in your side, especially the ones working together as a team in fighting your enemies. She worked hand in hand with Knowledge in helping spies from your side to stay loyal and to lure other strategic persons to your side among enemy areas. Once the fighting actually begins she plans to weaken certain strategic bonds to weaken your enemies.

Imagination from what you have understood, has already done some preliminary work. Playing to the fears among your enemies while playing to the motivation to act in your side.

They were all waiting for the actual fighting to start before they could go wild in their fury.

You feel him mount Vhagar.

"Sȳz biarves Aemond. Avy jorrāelan."

"Kirimvose, avy jorrāelan Alys."

And so began the first battle of this Dance of Dragons.

While he lead the charge against Volantis, he assigned Baela (and also Jace but he would never publicly admit it so Baela is taking charge) to lead the attack against Lys.

While the three of them were fighting, as expected attacks from Lorath and Saath towards Norvos and Qohor also began. Specifically the Storm God's Ice Dragons. Hopefully having your father, Aegon and Daeron waiting there would finally payoff.

"The Greyjoy navy is delighted to finally be fighting. Though I don't understand why they won't have some of the Yi Ti magical practitioners with them as they fight an Ice Dragon with a Saathi mage as a rider." Knowledge tells you through the dreaming.

"They are filled with pride in their skills brother, even though they may die doing so, it's in their culture among the Iron Born."

"Hmph, at least the other Iron Born have at least two Yi Ti mages with them on their ships." You laugh as you take a sip of milk laced with nectar in the dreaming.

"Speaking of mages, I hear that you have some involvement with an intelligence mission regarding Balerion's plants of divine vitality?" He nods at you grimly.

"Meleys is actually heading that but I am present when they need to clarify a few things. As much as I hate to admit it, Balerion was wise to invent a new plant that contained the Divine Vitality you gave him. That way his only being is not his only source of it should he find himself suddenly in need of turning a mortal immortal."

"Damn I was hoping this wasn't the case." You say as you place a hand on your eight month belly. You know that he hasn't begun feeding it to you yet, but you now worry if he does it would lock you in this shell till some sort of antidote or your aunt helps you find a way to die.

"There is some hope dear sister." Knowledge says as he gets up from his seat.

"The brew that he plans on force feeding to you will require also the involvement of Ghost grass to ensure nourishment to the spirit. The mages in collaboration with the alchemists' guild have now begun experiments on making any people we send there more durable and more aware of the possible dangers of Sothoros." This gives you mixed emotions. You knew very well what he was implying.

"Are...are they making magical mutants?"

"I suppose you could call them that." He doesn't need to see you for him to feel your conflicted feelings about what they are currently doing.

"I just fret at what happens after the war. I'm thankful that there is effort in getting to the mysterious plant that has Divine Vitality but even this will have consequences afterwards."

"In war dear sister, everything has a risk and it's price."

"I know Knowledge, I just wish there was another way."

But even then, the realities of war had it's price. You knew this as you hear reports of your family, both mortal and immortal, causing devastation in the lands of your enemies. You hear about how Vhagar decimated the fields providing food and resources to those inside the Black walls of Volantis, while the fields dedicated to the Red God was ever as fertile for the followers of R'hllor. Causing a civil war inside the capital of Volantis.

You hear about how under Baela's leadership and diplomacy with Vermax hovering not too far away, Lys changed it's stance from being in Balerion's side to being neutral. While many of Old Valyria seeks to return home, even they don't want their island paradise destroyed after living in it since the Doom of Valyria.

And of course, you hear about the new dragonriders of Volantis duelling with Vhagar, Moondancer, and Vermax above the naval battle below them. Vhagar won, while Moondancer and Vermax were at a stalemate with theirs. But according to Aemond, both of them were able to inflict serious injuries on their opponents who were both larger than they were but not as large as Vhagar. His begrudging tone through the ring suggests that it was true.

"Who is leading the attacks against the Storm God's ice dragons?"

"Cregan Stark is my general there. You've been feeling the attacks there...haven't you?"

"I have, it has begun snowing and being a lot more colder than usual. Or so that's what my Ibbennese captors and caretakers say."

"Mmm hmm I hope they have been treating you and our children kindly." You couldn't help but snort a little bit at that.

"Think of it more as reluctant kindness. They know of the consequences that will happen if anyone deliberately hurts me, but their hatred for me - for us - is quite obvious. I'm suspecting that there are plans to assassinate me once I give birth."

"If that happens then I'll tell Mui Lan that she and the other Ice and Water dragon riders have my permission to be harsh toward the Ibbennesse."

"Still, even our children are feeling that something is not right and I agree. I'll need to find someway to escape here after giving birth. Maybe even with the umbilical cord still attaching me to our child." You sense a presence going inside your room.

"Aemond, I'll meet you in the dreaming, someone is here to see me."

"Be careful raqiarzy."

You quickly put down your ring as you quickly gather your dragon children close to you as the Storm God makes his presence known.

"What do you want Arari?" You try to keep your tone as neutral as possible. You know what Balerion wants, but you have yet to hear what the Storm God wants beyond simple desire for you. But now having experienced the powers of your relative first hand, you know better than to underestimate what Desire mixed with some sort of Despair could do.

"I have come to present to you my offer. An offer I believe would be more appealing than Balerion's."

"You would really betray your ally when you both already know that I would still choose Aemond over both of you?"

"We'll see if that remains true once you hear my modified proposal." He settles himself on front of you as you feel your children snuggle to your side. Both wanting comfort and to somehow feel they are also protecting you.

"Once you give birth and once you have finished nursing your child, I propose that you marry me. Become my wife and Queen of the Heavens and I shall help you punish Balerion for breaking your laws, and I shall willingly enforce them by your side."

"And if I still refuse?"

"Then the deaths of the innocent shall be in your hands for what I am about to do." He adds a thunder at the end of his voice. It still surprises you but you refuse to budge.

This was war, nobody but the farmers and other small folk providing for the very sustenance are innocent. You could only hope that someday their souls would understand or at least give you mercy for not giving in.

You are an Endless.

You are bound to the Universe.

Not to anyone who seeks to possess you.

Balerion was your obligation to punish. And no one else should interfere with that. It was your laws he broke, it is therefore you who should deliver the punishment on him for using the very gifts you gave him to violate them.

"With all due respect, I still refuse."

"Then I hope you can live with yourself for the incoming deaths that are now on your hands."

He disappears and once you sense his presence is gone, you take a breath in relief.

"Muña, what do you think he will do?" Rhaegar asks looking up from your womb.

"I think he's going to make the entire world freeze. Or perhaps he and Balerion together will make a firestorm. This time attacking what is crucial for us and not just to shroud their crimes."

"Daor, daor, daor." Shaena says in despair as she shakes her head. You pet her head to comfort her as her eyes starts to tear up.

"Mama, I'm sorry my creator is doing this to you."

"It's alright Shaena, you do not control what your creator does."

"Muña, I think kepa is in the Dreaming now." Meraxes says as she looks at the now glowing hands on your watch.

"Would you like to join us?" You ask softly and they all nod. Your heart breaks a little as they were now more cautious than they were before. They've been angrily stared at and almost screamed at when they were just playing around being themselves. You miss their enthusiastic replies when they didn't have anything to fear.

But this was the world now, and you need all need to adapt accordingly.

You gather them into your arms as you lay them on one side of the bed as you draw the translucent curtains around the bed's canopy for warmth. Then the five of you settle down and allow yourselves to dream.

As you feel yourself enter the dreaming, you find yourself and your children in the library. Roughly you were near the entrance from the throne room. As the five of you make a turn, you spot a familiar figure with your immortal parents and Lucienne.

"Kepa!" Meraxes and Aerea excitedly say. Aemond turns with a smile he reserves for you and your children.

You chuckle as they fly to his arms and in his embrace. They may not be able to fly in the waking world but in here they could fly as high as they want without being harmed.

You take your time walking towards them as your parents go to your side.

"Sit, whatever you need just dream it up and summon to you." Your father says as he makes a lazy boy chair appear for your comfort.

"The little one is going to arrive soon, rest while you can." Your mother says as she summons some of the foods you have been craving, mainly apples and hard boiled quail eggs.

"By any chance, is there a way that you could be the one to help me give birth, mom? I'm suspecting my child won't be safe with the midwife they give me."

"That is actually what we were talking about before you arrived." She says with an assurance that at least there was a plan in place.

"Kepa, my creator threatened muña. He might do something to you." You hear Shaena say as her siblings fly off to where your other dragon children were in the dreaming.

"Oh? What did he say?"

"He says that if mama doesn't marry him then the deaths of the innocent people will be on her hands."

"Shaena, don't worry it's not your muña doing those things. He's just trying to convince her that it's her fault, when really she has just been protecting you. You did a good job by telling me, alright?"

"Issa kepa." He embraces her before he releases her to join her siblings.

They all inform you of the plan and what ideally is going to happen. Since the Yi Ti mages along with the Iron fleet simultaneously with the Ice Dragons and the Water dragons on your side will be making an aggressive attack soon. They cannot tell you when just in case someone was secretly reading your mind.

It is then that you will be making your escape.

"How is Ayrmidon?" You ask Aemond after your parents and Lucienne discuss more logistical matters.

"Why don't you ask him yourself?" And soon you hear your little boy racing towards you.

"Muña!"

"Trēsy!" You embrace him as he carefully embraces you and your pregnant womb.

"I miss you muña. I shouldn't have left with kepa."

"Daor Ayrmidon." You have him sit between you and Aemond.

"I'm the one who told your father to take you on that trip. It would be more difficult and more stressful if you are physically with me right now. Our enemies might kill you." You gently but firmly say.

"Also you would break our heart if you were suddenly gone trēsy." Aemond adds as he adjusts Ayrmidon to face you.

"Oh I'm sorry muña."

"It's fine darling. Now tell me, what has been going on? Tell me while we have this brief time together."

For the rest of your dream, you listen to the stories Ayrmidon tells you about his life since your kidnapping. How he and his dragon siblings have been studying on reading and writing, and mathematics much to his chagrin.

"Aelyx and Rhaellor really like mathematics. But I prefer the stories Uncle Imagination or Grandpa Dream tells us."

"Oh another thing that you inherited from me."

"Oh you have no idea raqiarzy." He says teasingly until you both notice that Ayrmidon is starting to wake up.

"No! Daor I just started!"

"Don't worry trēsy, this won't be the end."

"How come kepa is not waking up yet?"

"I was tired Ayrmidon, but don't worry just go and start eating breakfast. I'll be there soon."

And with that Ayrmidon fades away as he wakes up.

"He was sleeping beside me. It turns out none of us could sleep alone without you. And so the seven of us are in the same room almost every night."

"Same here with us." You say as your hands find each other.

"I told them that we are going to stick together and none of us are going anywhere without the rest of us. It's already horrible that we have been kidnapped and kept as captives among people who hate us. We can't afford another forced separation."

"With what we have planned, ideally there shouldn't be."

"You be careful too. I don't know what Balerion and the Storm God have in mind but it's not going to be good." You notice him beginning to fade.

"Take care of them." And then he fades away as he wakes up.

Unfortunately you didn't have to wait long to know what the Storm God was threatening to do. And you were right, he and Balerion worked in tandem to deliver what has now been called "The plague of the skies."

It started when the largest volcano of old Valyria made a massive eruption. An eruption so large that it had lasted for one week. During the eruption, there was an unusually strong wind that was able to spread the ashes and heated volcanic rock all throughout Westeros, and the western side of Essos covering the rest of the Free cities. The large ash clouds had covered the sun for several days. It reminded you of one of the ten plagues the Almighty sent to liberate the Israelites from a very stubborn Pharoah. Fire literally raining down for awhile from the skies. Or so the story goes at least.

Even Ibben was not spared from the flaming volcanic rocks coming from Valyria. If you and your children were hated before, now it became increasingly dangerous for you to remain in Ibben longer than necessary. Volcanic ash was prevalent in the wind and was frightening for you for the sake of your unborn child.

The moment the ash began to fade, the Ice Dragon and Iron Fleet began it's attack.

And that was when your parents in disguise finally came to aid you and your children make your escape.

Your father placed your captors to sleep while your mother places a charm over you and your children to hide you from the consciousness of everyone else. Knowledge was waiting with a boat to port that all of you use to travel to the mainland of Essos. Still concealed your family makes your way to the shelter Knowledge made among the woods of Ifequevron.

And just in time, your labor has begun.

Your other siblings arrive soon after. They explain that the Gods are mainly on duty in Westeros now. You were just glad that you and your children are not alone.

Imagination, Knowledge, and your father concealed your living area and had even recruited some spirits to work with them. You cling to Sensuality's hands as the all too familiar pain of giving birth has now arrived. Your mother was acting as the midwife and Connectivity was assisting her by helping you bend your legs.

"Is muña going to be fine?" You hear Rhaegar ask as he and his siblings watch from the side.

"Don't worry ñuhys trēsy, I'm not going to die today."

"Don't look away children, this is part of life. If ever you plan on having children in your human form, this is what the mother will have to go through. Don't push yet." You hear your mother say as she checks to make sure that the umbilical cord was not choking your baby.

"Everything is fine. If you feel the need to push -"

You pushed.

You kept pushing amidst the pain.

"Argh."

"Good good keep going."

Oh my, this felt to you to be larger than Ayrmidon.

Or at least this baby had a larger head.

"UGH!"

"Alys?!"

"Not now Aemond, I'm giv - AGH FUCK!"

"Good good, keep pushing."

You pushed.

You screamed.

You cursed.

And before you know it, your mother was placing your newborn on your breast as your child was kicking and crying.

"A baby girl."

"WAAH! WAAH!"

"Riñītsos...ñuha tala." You say in relief as your mother helps you to breastfeed her and give her nourishment. You feel yourself push out the placenta as you feel your mother and your sisters clean you up.

"Is she healthy mom?"

"Very much so. She has your hips, which is why you had a bit difficulty after the crowning."

"Īlva tala?"

"Oh issa Aemond. would you mind if I named her Maegella?"

"After Princess Maegelle for entering the sept?"

"In a way, this entire pregnancy has been affected by the divine. But she will still have her say in how she interacts with them as they put us through hell in this war." He chuckles at that. Now that you have your daughter in your arms his laughter now soothes you.

"Then I shall do my best for this war to end so I can bring you all home."

"Tell them for me. According to my mother she has my hips which is why I was still cursing after the crowning."

"Nyke ryptan ao. Especially when you were cursing. I'm just glad both of you are safe."

"Children come, meet your little sister." Connectivity says as she gathers them in her arms and sits beside you.

"Ooh, she's bigger than Ayrmidon." Shaena says as she observes Maegella still suckling your breast.

"She's so round and cute!" Maegella then cries out releasing your breast.

"WAAH! WAAH!" Still hungry, you reposition her as she quickly begins suckling your other breast.

"Is she still cute Meraxes?"

"Issa Aeraea. Skoro syt?"

"She's really loud."

"Of course she's loud, she's a baby."

"Ayrmidon wasn't this loud Rhaegar."

"Maybe it's because she's bigger?"

"Daor Meraxes. Maegella is just really hungry right now. She's not louder just because she is bigger." You say firmly before any body shaming implications might possibly arise unknowingly.

That night in the dreaming, Aemond and all your other children who has not yet seen your daughter is introduced to her for the first time. You take this momentary moment of peace before you need to move again. You relax in your bed surrounded by your dragon children and Ayrmidon sitting beside you. Aemond held her as she enjoyed playing or chewing on his eyepatch.

"See even she prefers you without the eyepatch. And she's only a few minutes old." You tease as they return to your side with Aemond being careful around your dragon children.

"I'm not surprised. She's starting to take after you."

"She has your nose kepa. How come I didn't get your nose?"

"Huh? Ayrmidon your nose is fine." Rhaellor says confused as Maegella reaches out to you and Aemond places her back in your arms.

"But I want to look like kepa."

"Hmm? Ayrmidon you already look a lot like me."

"Ñuha trēsy, you are handsome the way you are."

"Really?" Maegella blows a bubble from her saliva at Ayrmidon, then giggling after.

"See, Maegella likes you already."

She plays with Ayrmidon's fingers before she begins playing with your hair. You spend the rest of the evening catching up with your family before you all wake up and continue fighting on.

AUTHOR'S NOTE: I'm not going to lie, this was a mix of Trojan war/WWI/The ten plagues from the Prince of Egypt.

#Higher Intervention #aemond targaryen #house of the dragon #the sandman #hotd #aemond x fem!reader #aemond x reader #aemond x oc #aemond x original female character #aemond x original character #house of the dragon fanfiction #hotd fanfiction #crossover fanfiction

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