#Hide your heart

[pretend-theres-a-name-here]

Hide Your Heart pt. 1

New Steddie fic of mine, it’s Steve inner monologue centric because it’s about his parents (bad parent au)

Part 1 |

CW: bad parents I guess, there is physical abuse in a later chapter but I’ll put a warning then

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If you told 16 year old Steve Harrington that he was 21, best friends and platonic soulmates with a lesbian, and boyfriend of Eddie ‘the freak’ Munson he would’ve laughed in your face. A meaner, crueler twist of the sound coming from his mouth now, pressed to the front door of his parents house.

“I have to get the door open.” He giggled against said boyfriend's lips.

Eddie just pulled away with a dramatic sigh, “If you insist.” He settled for grabbing Steve’s hand instead, twisting the ring that sat on his finger.

It was Eddie’s ring. Silver with black, swirling lines carved through the metal. He’d gotten down on one knee 6 months ago, yanked off one of the many rings that decorated his hand, and confessed his ‘hopelessly undying love’ for Steve. He had all of three seconds to process before he was fighting the stinging in his eyes and nodding like a crazy person. It wasn’t even a marriage proposal, they weren’t dating yet but nobody had done anything so heartfelt just for him. He hadn’t taken the ring off since. Steve couldn’t believe it had already been 6 months, he couldn’t remember the last time he was this happy for so long. 

“Pizza and a movie?” Steve asked, tossing his keys to the entryway table. He could hang them on the hook later. 

“You spoil me, Stevie. Really.” Eddie sighed dreamily.

“Well what do you suggest, then?” He shot back, no real malice behind the eye roll.

Eddie used their linked hands to pull them together, he didn’t need to, Steve would go willingly every time. There was a hand on his waist, cold metal raising goosebumps across his skin, and lips on his temple.

“Go sit, babe. I’ll get dinner.” Eddie peeled himself away from Steve, pushing him towards the couch and heading to the kitchen.

So Steve fell back to the couch, legs thrown over the armrest and using the other as a pillow. It was quite a small couch, his mother had never taken functionality into account when she redecorated. She wasn’t the one who had to live here, after all. As long as the neighbors knew they had fancy, expensive, useless furniture who cared about comfort. If his mom was here she’d smack his leg and tell him to sit like a man, she used to do it with a teasing smile but now she wasn’t even around to scold him with a frown. He wished she was here to ridicule him, was that fucked up? That he would rather endure shitty behavior than not have her around at all? His dad could stay gone though, never in his life had he heard one nice word come from his father’s mouth. 

“Pizza will be here in 20.” Eddie called, waltzing into the living room like he lived there. He did, most days, one perk of his parents being gone all the time was getting to have whoever he wanted over whenever he wanted.

“Did you get breadsticks?” Steve sat up slightly so Eddie could flop down on the couch with him.

It was such a domestic question it hurt. They’d been doing this, crashing on his uncomfortable couch with a box of pizza and watching whatever random selection of movies they found at Family Video that week, long before they’d started dating. Sure he liked doing anything at all with Eddie, going to the lake or bumping feet under their booth at the diner were fun, but this was routine. This was them choosing to spend a Friday night doing something so completely mundane together rather than not seeing each other.

“Do I ever forget them?” Eddie asked, smiling. Yeah, Steve could die a happy man if this was the rest of his life.

They picked a movie, it was Eddie’s turn to pick this time and to no surprise he brought A Nightmare On Elm’s Street. They settled into the couch, the only good part about the small love seat was that it meant being almost completely pressed together. That didn’t mean Steve wouldn’t still pretend to be scared, despite having seen this movie enough times to quote it, and huddle even closer. He jumped at all the jump scares and hid his face in Eddie’s shoulder and tried not to smile at the fact that he was finally on the receiving end of the infamous yawn and stretch move, tried not to grin when Eddie’s arm settled over his shoulders but he was sure the man felt it.

When the movie ended they were lying sideways across the couch, legs tangled over the armrest, Steve found himself sliding the pick on Eddie’s necklace up and down the chain absentmindedly. He felt a hand on his back and another moving through his hair. He could’ve fallen asleep right there, slipped into a dreamless coma and woken up in the exact same position, smile never dropping. He almost did, listening to the steady beating of Eddie’s heart and quiet breathing above his ear. Almost.

He knew the sound of the front door slamming open like the back of his hand. He heard it every Wednesday afternoon when Dustin came barreling through his house after Hellfire, Eddie in tow. He heard it when he stumbled into the house after swinging at demodogs all night and dragging himself to the bathroom to get cleaned up. Of course it was impossible to tell those times apart, impossible to know who was about to traipse into the house at that moment.

But Steve also knew the sound of his father’s Oxfords hitting the tile floor of the entrance.

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uh oh. Whatever will happen?? Side note, writing pet names feels so embarrassing but I gotta power through.

Fun fact: I was listening to frat mouse while I wrote this (specifically down the hall and dirty word)

[rolandrockover]

The Hide Your Heart Dilemma Pt. 2 of 3

Molly Hatchett (1989) Their music, I have to admit, is largely unfamiliar to me, but that doesn't matter, because at least here they sound a bit like the Dire Straits, who are all the more close, only in more American. And that turns out to be a doubly good thing and pretty much the most original version, if you can say that. I.e. small variations in the arrangement with emphasis on lead guitar, quite identical dramaturgy, but at least with small moments of surprise (for someone who only knew the Kiss or Ace versions), and the somewhat too round and galloping bass almost turns it into a rousing feel good track. But hey, this is as close as I get to a Dire Straits version of Hide Your Heart, and I don't want to complain. Jukebox music where people take their whole family out for a BBQ or burger comes to mind.

The solo: An unexpected real burner, and doesn't sound like the Knopflers at all, but more like a turbocharged, red-hot, flaming and smoking battery drill burning itself into the ear canals or just about anything else. But that should mean something good.

Molly Hatchett (1989)

Ace Frehley (1989) comes closest to the Kiss version, but only in terms of the straight chords. Ace's voice is his weakness, so you get much less drama, but somehow likeable rocking buddy music. As if the three musketeers were going out for a few beers together because one of them was having problems with his girlfriend, the other two were trying to infect him halfway through the evening with a good buddy mood out of loyalty alone, but all three ended up warbling this beautiful song on the way back to their musketeer lives until dawn. Apparently even Peter Criss is singing along somewhere in the background. Why didn't he cover it too? I will never find out.

The solo: What solo? Rather a short extra intermezzo to compensate for the lack of drama. It would fit quite well as a musical illustration in a sequence for a youth sports movie, in which the young protagonist does a few extra training laps to demonstrate how seriously he takes his training, and of course wins the competition the following day, with a few extra dramatic complications. I had always assumed that an Ace Frehley solo would sound a little different.

Ace Frehley (1989)

To be continued…

[rabid-dog-steve-horn]

Hide Your Heart

[poorly-drawn-mdzs]

Why are you running?

[First] Prev <–-> Next

[theghooligan]

daemon and all the ghosts of harrenhall living it up every night:

[mobius-m-mobius]

Sometimes our emotions get the better of us. You can say that again.

[p4nishers]

crowley, drunk off his ass: and i was yk just some fucked up soul born in cold and rain but he was my fucking sunlight or whatever

hozier, frantically writing on a napkin: HHHMMMM TELL ME MORE

[untitledgoosegay]

re last reblog I do see fanfic culture pushing/replicating a certain model of "what trauma looks like," "how trauma works"

this is a problem across all areas of society obviously, but transformative works are, well, transformative. they're about crafting and modifying narratives where the fan-creator sees a flaw or a lack -- often for the better! don't get me wrong, I've done my fair share of "I take a hammer and I fix the canon," it's the main thing that gets my creative gears spinning -- but what happens when that "flaw" is simply a narrative not conforming to popular expectations?

some people just don't get PTSD from events that sound obviously traumatic. they're not masking, and they're not coping; they just straight-up didn't get the permanently-locked stress-response that defines PTSD. they walk away from a horrible experience going "well, that sucked, but it's over now." some people do get PTSD from events most people wouldn't find traumatic. we don't really know why some people get PTSD and others don't. but fandom has an idea of events that must be traumatizing, of a "correct" way to portray trauma. you see the problems with this lack of understanding in e.g. fans pressuring the devs of Baldur's Gate 3 to add dialogue where the player character badgers Halsin about his own feelings on his abuse -- because he must be traumatized, and his trauma must fit a certain mold and presentation of sexual trauma, under the mistaken impression that anything outside that narrow window is somehow "wrong" and disrespectful or even harmful to survivors.

take, for another example, the very common trope of a traumatized character who hates touch or sex "learning" to like touch or sex as a part of their healing process. certainly that can be healing for some people; other people will never like, or want, touch or sex, because of trauma or because they just don't. the assumption that someone who doesn't want sex or doesn't like to be touched must be traumatized, must be suffering from this perceived lack, is seriously harmful -- to asexual people, to people with sensory issues around touch, and to people for whom healing from trauma means freedom to refuse sex or touch.

and there's a secondary trope, one that's slightly more thoughtful but ultimately repeats the problem -- that once someone has learned that their boundaries will be respected, they'll feel it's safe to soften those boundaries. once they feel safe refusing touch or sex, they'll feel comfortable allowing it on their own terms. but many people don't, and many people won't! many people will simply never want to be touched, and never want sex, and they are not suffering or broken or lacking because of it. the idea that proving you'll respect someone's boundaries entitles you to test those boundaries -- the paradox is obvious, and yet this is something i've seen hurt (re-traumatize) people i care for.

people are imperfect victims. people don't heal in the ways you expect. many people have positive memories of their abuse, of their abusers. many people hurt others in the course of their trauma, in ways that can't easily be unpacked in a 5k oneshot. very few narratives of trauma and recovery actually fit the ones put forward by popular children's media and romance novels -- which are the ones I most see replicated in fandom spaces, because they provide the clearest narrative and easiest catharsis, and so they're easy and soothing to reach for.

that's not necessarily a bad thing! i am not immune to goopy romance tropes. i am not immune to teary catharsis. not every fic has to grapple with ugly realities. but there's a problem when these narratives become predominant, when people think they're accurate and realistic depictions of trauma, when the truth of trauma is unpleasant and uncomfortable, and doesn't fit any single narrative, let alone one of comforting catharsis

[jelestes]

now, why is it that JJ appears EXACTLY when morgan is teasing elle about a supposed boyfriend (the boyfriend being JJ) ??? also elle’s “NOTHING!!” lmao they were SO a thing in s1/2 i swear, this is canonical to me

[thefrsers]

I AM NEVER GONNA SHUTUP ABOUT THESE😭😭😭

[rolandrockover]

The Hide Your Heart Dilemma Pt. 1 of 3

With this one, I don't know where to start or stop, except that I have to get my foot in the door somewhere eventually. So why not kick the door down for simplicity's sake?

And just to make it clear once and for all, Ron Nevison is solely and exclusively to blame for this debacle, because if he hadn't categorically rejected Hide Your Heart in his somewhat overrated role as a producer for Crazy Nights (1987), for whatever inscrutable reason, then Paul would probably never have started to peddle this title, presumably to shake out whatever there was to shake out of it.

And Paul must have been hard at work and full of good things, because the list of interested parties is by no means short. For the sake of form, I'll try to put them in brief and hopefully in the correct order: Bonnie Tyler, Robin Beck, Molly Hatchett, good old Ace Frehley and last but not least Kiss themselves recorded Hide Your Heart alone between 1988 and 1989. Just imagine if they had all released it as a single, because that's what I initially assumed before I did a little research into the situation.

But, let's give it to ourselves anyway, the full Hide Your Heart hammering. You never wanted it, you'll get it anyway:

Bonnie Tyler (1988) was lucky enough to be the first, which more or less degrades all subsequent performers to cover versions in purely technical terms. She herself can best be described as professionally passionate, the music as slightly rocked, but rarely daring to play a chord straight through. An impression that is only reinforced by the keyboards/organ. The climactic chorus, on the other hand, could, as far as I'm concerned, drone on quite pleasantly until the end of time. Bonnie Tyler's rough voice, which by the way fits the song quite well, makes me wonder if this wouldn't have been an appropriate song for Peter Criss, and why the hell he didn't cover it back then as well? I'm rather surprised that he didn't.

The solo: Sounds kind of like Vinnie Vincent on Valium, and yet still a bit like the sonic equivalent of a runaway, bucking horse. Just not quite as wild, of course.

Bonnie Tyler (1988)

To be continued…

[wish-upon-the-universe]

Mirabelle thinking the fact she can't change makes her a failure and isa thinking no matter how much he changes he's still a failure means something.

[fatedroses]

Chance encounters in Costa del Sol.

[poorly-drawn-mdzs]

I want it back / I drag its dead weight forward.

[thegreatyin]

ive officially entered the stage of OC brainrot where i start putting him in outfits for fun and (zero) profit

[introspectivememories]

cannot stop thinking about how jealous tye hearts and strawhats must be of each other because like imagine you're a strawhat. your captain is in the middle of a war and sees his brother die in front of him. you and your crewmates are scattered across the globe with no way to reach him. you don't even know if he's still alive until months later when he reappears on the front page of the newspaper with message for you guys. later when you're all reunited with a new alliance on the way, you find out that this weird ass pirate and his crew was there post war. weird ass pirate and his crew patched your captain up. weird ass pirate and his crew was there in your captain's darkest hour and you weren't. it should've been you by his side and it wasn't. and on the hearts side of things, your captain leaves you behind to fight his abuser. he does not let you come with him. you live on a submarine. you've all seen each other at your worst moments. you've seen how much doflamingo scares your captain. you've been working on this plan for fucking years and instead of letting you stand by the man you have chosen to follow he sends you away and instead takes strawhat's crew as backup. you dont even know if he's alive until the news comes out. strawhat luffy and his crew were there as your capatain faced his abuser and you weren't. it should've been you by his side and it wasn't.