#Hhhhhh.
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Ohhh. Migraine is not gone.
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um uhhh ummnnmm She's Back
#i am . in fact. lebsian. leabisen. leanibin. leasing. lesbin. womn.#u actually genionely fall in love One Time and it ocncistently comes back to bite u inthe ass huh#god i wish she would bite me inthe-[i am shot and killed]#winter speaks#hHHhhh.#[hannibal meme] i am no longer aroace
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hi
it wasn't like he ever left, but i am falling steadfast back into my vexen feels
i LOVE this guy!!! like? i'm so glad the last game really gave him more than i think anyone was expecting. because he deserved that! he really really did!
regardless of that i am thinking about us and the SLOWEST. BURN. EVER. how we actually believe that we don't need to acknowledge it, we don't even know what it is, all while we're heading toward an imevitable fate that will separate us and when we meet again it's too late... EXCEPT IT ISN'T, TURNS OUT, JUST BY A THREAD, and it just makes me so... compromised
so if you see me... no you didn't
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Difficult talking to my family bc they have clear concern for me but no understanding of my situation. They always talk about how I should just get a part time job, it'll make me feel better, get me out of this rut. This rut is nearly lifelong health issues that had me legally declared disabled. I finally got over my constant suicidal thoughts and urges and the only thing that can reliably bring them back to crisis levels is being fired, which happened with every job I tried, because of my health. A job would not be healing for me. But they literally can't comprehend that. I've stopped even arguing with them about it bc they don't really listen or try to understand. To them I just appear irresponsible, as if there was a cure to my sickness and I was just stubbornly refusing it for no reason, totally blind to the fact that the "cure" would only make me sicker. I do want to do things with myself, I'd love to work, even just small volunteer gigs, but I also don't want to injure myself more than I already am. As I am right now I don't even really have hobbies, which I grieve about. Very frustrating to be told someone cares about you but only if you hurt yourself for them, but only if you play pretend about who you are.
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373, & bonus:
#HHHHHH.#everyone in 1795 is the counterpart of someone from 1966/7 (with two notable exceptions). and yet. and yet. jeremiah collins is the only;#character to recognize vicki in any way. despite the fact that it is obviously impossible for him to do so. and yet; he does. in some way.#would have been cool if they didn't treat that as a total throwaway line!#victoria winters#jeremiah collins#the news from collinsport#dark shadows
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Cat.
#me after mixing up two of the weird cat things in that one dream i had once: ah yes. perfect.#HHHHHH.#im done oh my god FINALLY#i did get a bit lazy. at... particular parts.#but ignore that <3#i hate shading#this isnt my fave art piece ever but its okay#first time ive finished something in FOREVER....#Also first art piece of november im pretty sure#sorry if you notice the rushed parts#also i KNOW that she doesn't stick out in the piece and her color palette is really bland#im working on it i promise </3#me when the color brown apparently: wonderful. amazing. gorgus.#oc#art#sorry if my shading sucks lmao haven't done it in like. a few months#like actually#all ive been making are doodles and sketches#okay im done rambling in the tags
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"don't take my stuff" tony i know u have no idea what you're saying but i AM going to throw up on your ironshoes bc of this.
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etho childhood cat and empires false 🎊
#im trying to get back into digital art LOL hhhhhh orz#ethoslab#falsesymmetry#hermitcraft#terracottaart
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I do be stress indulging
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doot doot do doot.
(a new challenger has joined the rink)
TAZ? KANDIDANDI REAL? BASIL? KIT?
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to build a new garden
[ happy activation day 🥀 ]
#dbh#detroit become human#dbh fanart#detroit become human fanart#Connor#dbh connor#dbh rk800#rk800#detroit become human connor#glass art#noodle art#hhhhhh I could work on this for another 100 hours and probably not be satisfied so please take this#;w;
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Avatar AU doodles!
Look at this fucking guy
#avatar anakin what crimes will you commit#avatar au#obi wan#qui gon jinn#anakin skywalker#my art#star wars#there's more like this coming i just gotta actually finish the pieces that aren't just no-background scribbles hhhhhh
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the alternative route
#xavier#love and deepspace#lads#hhhhhh not really proud of how it turns out#but i guess at least its done
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.
#i should really go to fucking sleep#i was on track to do so!#was just getting settled in for the night; thinking how nice itll be to start first day of classes after a full nights rest; night routine#done; and i was just taking the last final step of clearing off the papers id put on my bed while unpacking#and. out slides that note#on a little blue sticky note: the cheesiest corniest silliest quick little scribbled pun+a signature#tbh if i couldve made my legs work right away instead of freezing and staring at it for so long i think id have run out the door then#instead i stared. and then very carefully moved the entire stack of papers to cover it on th floor. and then laid down on my now-clear bed.#that was. hours ago#i need to sleep but. fuck. brain too loud + chest hurt + still want to run away but know i shouldnt.#just. fuck.#fuck !#at no point have i been lying to myself or under the illusion that i was over this by now but. christ#ive been TRYING to avoid thinking about it at least. i hate feeling this pathetic and lost and hurt. all over someone who couldnt give me#the time of day while we were together and. and. hhhhhhhhhhh#hhhHHH.#theyre still in my damn dreams. theyre still in my fucking head and i havent seen them in months and i just.#i want to go to sleep. i want to go to fucking sleep#i want to walk and walk and walk until im back in my goddamn body and theres no room for anything in my fucking head but walking or sleep#was tryinng so damn hard all day to keep it together to be ready for this semester and be HERE be IN MY BODY be finally fucking REAL again#and ive spent the last what. 5 fcjing hours sitting in bed trying to re-rationalise the onlyrational decision ive made in the last 3years?#bc it doesnt make fucking sense that i gave that up. why. but i KNOW why. and i had to bc i shouldve and it was supposed to be better and#this doesnt feel better! it feels really fucking bad! and it was bad before but i didnt let myself feel it or admitit but i cant shelve tis#ughhhHHHH.#anyway.#im going to post this. get up and get some damn tea or water or something idfk. drink that. maybe scream. and then try sleeping again.#bc i hate this nd dont want to fuxkjng deal wirh it anymore but nothing is distracting me enough from the fact that they wrote me a#stupid adorable fucking meatloaf pun to stick on a tupperware when they shared leftovers that they were proud of and wanted me to have bc#they were worried i wasnt eating and wanted me to know they ''loaf''ed me. and i fucking saved it for a whole goddamn year and managed to#forget about all of that. until 3 hours ago. when it all came back and stabbed me in the fucking chest. fucking hell dude. fucking hell.
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