#Henry came to visit
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No because let's talk about it.
Ted spent the entire episode pushing people away. He said he was too "tapped out". He barely had any reaction to the "goodbye, farewell" performance. Just stood there, motionless, while everybody was freaking out. Cheering, screaming. He just stood there. He wasn't part of it.
The out of character moments. The Rebecca one, the Trent one, the whole Beard of it all. The fact that it doesn't seem like Ted thinks he's abandoning Beard. He thinks he's letting him go.
Ted killed every part of himself that wasn't Henry's father. He killed his love for Trent, Rebecca, Beard, AFC Richmond. Ted knows Richmond is his home. But he won't let himself stay there.
The plane cabin. It has walls. Walls separating even him and Beard. Ted has once again put himself into a box.
Ted takes out the snow globe out of the bag and shakes it. The little flakes, falling around, dancing, while he is on the outside.
Golden light hits his face. Heavenly light.
Cut to Trent. Wearing a shirt saying "Stay Golden". The only way it could be significant is if this is a dream sequence, and the shirt points to that.
And so it begins.
The "It was never about me"s. The montage of the people that stayed behind in Richmond. And the life Ted imagines for them. A life in which they are able to go on without him.
And he wants it to never have been about him. Maybe it's part the fact that he doesn't think he's deserving of actual, real love from people. That he doesn't deserve the support he gave everyone else. And another part maybe it's guilt. He wants to believe that everyone will leave such good, rich, happy lives even though, if not because he left.
Everyone's relationships are fixed. Everyone happy and together. Everyone getting rich and successful. Everyone getting everything they ever wanted.
Everything he ever wanted. That he won't let himself accept.
He's startled awake, still drenched in golden light. Off the plane, he sits motionless in the back of the black car until it stops, him having been driven to his last ever stop. And he gets out, on the other side.
To his house, the box. The gray, single family home, the environment where he became repressed, where he couldn't be himself or reach his potential. The environment where he wasn't loved and accepted for who he was.
And we can see in the symbolic pinball machine, outside that box, the rainbow that he left behind.
Golden light still hits him for the last shot of the season. That smile, with his eyes so sad still. The scene gets hazier and hazier, around his face.
That is all Ted is now.
The suicide motif never let up this season. Van gogh, the american jazz player Chet Baker, the "you ever wonder what we're still doing here?" "in london or on Earth?". Ted said he would never quit anything in his life, and yet, he quit this. In the last episode of season 1, him talking about quitting came with some very... Interesting gestures. He even wrote a "resignation letter" on the back of a takeout menu.
It's clear what quitting is symbolic for here.
So yes, because of his guilt and fear of abandoning his son, he killed every part of himself that wasn't his fatherhood.
His fluidity, his freedom, his versatility. His friendships, his love, his job, his spirit of adventure.
And for the wholesome, heart-warming, believing show, I can't believe that's the bleak, depressing ending they decided to give their main character.
No because... Ted was so deeply traumatized by his father killing himself and abandoning him that he killed every part of himself that wasn't his fatherhood so that he did't end up hurting Henry in the same way. And I don't know what I would call this if not a tragedy.
#ted lasso#ted lasso spoilers#Suicide tw#You could say I'm exaggerating. But why else wouldn't he be shown interacting with anyone else ever again?#He used to text and talk on the phone and videocall henry EVERY DAY in london#Henry came to visit#Why wouldn't he be at even beard's wedding???? His best friend#He was there for him when he got out of prison and his family disowned him and he couldn't buy a fucking plane ticket for such an occasion#?????????#Quiet by Rachael yamagata we meet again
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#copperright#the henry stickmin collection#thsc#right hand man#reginald copperbottom#rhm#scriboozles#also my brother came to visit again its always nice 2 see him
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Sleep paralysis demon Glenn x Darryl but it's literally just Glenn breakdancing in the doorway or perched on the end of the bed practicing scales
#it came to me before i passed out last night but Glenn probably doesn't need to sleep anymore#or not in a way thats like.... equivalent to human rest#and he can visit earth as seen by the S1 epilogue#i just think its fucking hilarious bc Darryl would open his eyes and his worst nightmare is there: Glenn Existing Near Him /j#Glenn would also visit Henry and Ron ofc but its funnier to fuck with Darryl. known catholic#dndads#dungeons and daddies#glenn close dndads#darryl wilson#closeson. closeson?#closeson#yeah fuck it yknow we ball
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Today I was watching Toddler Ro run around the colony doing his thing (mostly bugwatching) when he started to get tired. He's perfectly capable of going to bed by himself, but Henry came over to carry him to his crib anyway. I bet Ro thinks Henry is the coolest big brother ever. <3
Andy drew a very helpful label/sign on the ship landing platform in case the landing beacons weren't enough to let passing shuttles know where they were supposed to touch down.
We had guests from the Hare Clan, and one of them was our ex-colonist Boomer, who we let go in a Diplomatic Marriage event.
He is not married to Eggardus yet, but the Vikings of the Hare Clan did entomb him in a warcasket. Poor boy. I might not have liked him very much, but I think he deserved better than to be reduced to little more than a machine of war.
Then when the guests from the Hare Clan were departing, they left me this very thoughtful gift. I haven't decided if I'm going to keep it or not. Part of me thinks it would be a very weird thing to use, but another part of me thinks it would be really, really funny.
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#rimworld#gracie plays#The Animist Alliance#art#my art#traditional art#rimworld art#unpolished art#slightly more polished art than usual#Henry is engineered as a soldier#I think he is fiercely loyal to everyone at Eureka#And if they won't let him fight to protect them then the least he can do is carry them to bed when their legs are tired#He's definitely strong enough#Plus I thought it'd be cute to draw#Just like Andy's adorable rocketship drawing#“Spaceships go here” he says as he scribbles with chalk on the landing platform#I wondered if we'd ever see Boomer again#I'm glad he came to visit but it makes me a bit sad at the same time#I liked his whacky old-timey sleazy salesman vibe#Big robots and battlesuits aren't really to my taste#which is an odd thing for a T'au player to say now that I think about it#Oh well I don't like the T'au for their battlesuits anyhow#Any ideas for what to do with the thoughtful gift of muffalo mammaries are welcome#Have a fabulous day everyone!! xoxo
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bridgerton s2 was SUCH a clayhoun slay. thots in tags
#henry clay the ACCOMPLISHED rake (also a marquis and the richest man in the county)#who apparently ruined a girls honor and left her at the altar when she was engaged to someone else#the secret is that thats not true.. she was engaged against her will and he 'ruined her honor' so her fiancee would dump her#now his reputation is ~scandalous~ but like nobody cares about all the naughty stuf fhe does do (cards gambling horse racing drinking snuff#anyways duke tom benton visits him in the country seat hes retired to to do scientific farming and raise racehorses#(tom is the cousin of the girl that he ~ruined~. he almost challenged him to a duel but his cousin stopped him)#like. ok. soooooo I need your help#in love. with this guy. but. his older half brother HATES me and will NOT let us have a single god damn moment together#please help.... i know you.... sometimes do that sort of thing for people 🤔#clay flipping switches from Aw yeah i fucked your cousin lol get at me to UGH i cant believe lucretia fucking narced#benton like please. i will truly do anything sir. and clay like well..... thats a handsome arabian stud you bought last season..#whats a horse to a husband anyways? dont you love this fellow? all I want is a silly little animal!#anyways at first he tries to pretend to court mr hayne. so that benton looks like the more palatable option to mr calhoun#but hayne is instantly like Im ever so sorry! but if your intents are matrimonial i am already spoken for! <3 so sorry!!#clay like hm. welll. fine I guess I gotta seduce the older brother now#mr calhoun... the serious argumentative not-noble lawyer who s fighting suitors off his rich charming half brother with a pool cue#clay instantly falls in lust. and then quickly thereafter in love...#THE DRAMA.... THE ROMANCE... THE BOSOM CLUTCHING.... CLAY SNIFFING HOUN .. SO UNSERIOUS!!#bridgie3 came out and im nutlost. thats the post
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#my brain reminded me how they screwed over ted and rebecca in the ted lasso finale again so im still not emotionally ok about all that#over 7 months now#they really just put rebecca with some randomer they did the bare minimum bonding with and who came off as a creep#and ted may or may have not got back with the woman who said he was too much#and left his found family (yes his kid is important but there was a way for him to get both plus henry would have a dad much happier)#ooooooo still here folks#haven't really visited the tag or giffed anything
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🚶🏻♂️<- having the time of his life
#FIRST OF ALL ALYNES MOM IS DIRECTLY RELATED TO JACOB TORRANCE!#now those of you who have read my deranged tag yelling about alyne know she's a not-warthrop. i just couldn't decide on a name#so its alyne torrance#i am clasping your cheeks in my hands. warthrop AND torrance. ALYNE TORRANCE-WARTHROP#CAAACKLING#alyne (grown up) mentions Moms Brother Jake Who Died When I Was Like Seven to will henry. who says wait your mom had a brother?#and she drops the bomb of Yeah There Were Two Torrance Siblings Jacob And Margaret. Margaret's My Mom#and will henry is sweating BULLETS because oh my GOD#that explains SOOOO MUCH#actually no scratch that. margaret brings alyne to visit uncle jake because theyre in new york for some reason#jake torrance is doing monstrumology shit. they meet up at an inn. warthrop is there bc he needs jake for something so he tagged along#the sibs are laughing and drinking. alyne has wandered off (found jake's room and is going through their maps) and warthrop is vibrating#margaret mentions boston and warthrop turns beet red. jake notices and claps him on the back and goes MY MAN!!!!#I DIDN'T KNOW YOU WERE MY NIECE'S DAD!!!!! WELCOME TO THE FAMILY!!!!!#and warthrop goes Shut up shut up SHUT UP SHE'S NOT MY KID!!!!!!!!!! SHUT UP!!!!!!!!!!!!#door slams open. alyne walks in with an armful of maps. she doesnt care that they're all in different languages#she lays them out and puts pebbles in specific spots and starts taking notes. literally ignoring everyone else#jake smirks at warthrop and gets up. leans over alyne's back. 'whatcha up to little 'lyne?'#she points at the pebbles. Tracking! The fishermen have been bringing me more and more weird fish from places that didn't used to have them-#-so this is where the fishermen said they caught them! Used to be you'd only see these when the south american ships came in-#-but they migrated to the caribbean. it's not like fish can fly though. so maybe some live ones got released and thats how they spread?#i have a couple in my tanks at home but they don't like to eat the fish i find at the market so if i can figure out how they got there#then i can figure out what they eat#one of the sailors told me about how some peasants farm seaweed in the sea of japan and i think i can figure out how to grow Gulf seaweed#jake torrance (smug as fuck) margaret torrance (proud and also smug) pellinore warthrop (eyelid twitching)#and alyne is having the time of her life infodumping for her mom and uncle and that guy who refuses to admit he's her dad#eventually she drops off into muttering to herself. takes a minute for anyone to realize she's reciting the names of the seas and currents#in spanish#and then she pipes up with Do you know why sailors get tattoos?#when you die at sea fish eat your body so tattoos are used to identify corpses that dont have faces anymore! :)
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Friendly face (Part 2)
A/N: I may have misjudged the amount of people that would love receptionist x hotch, and I never planned on a part 2 but I will always succumb to peer pressure.
Pairing: Aaron Hotchner x Fem!Receptionist!Reader.
Summary: Now that his favourite receptionist works on his floor (with absolutely no intervention from himself), Aaron finds himself almost as smitten as his son.
Word Count: 609
Warnings: fluff in a way that my heart hurts
part 1 here!! and part three!!!
While working in the main reception had been interesting over the years, it was nothing compared to working on the BAU floor.
Firstly, the team had taken to her so well, and everyone absolutely adored her. Penelope especially, considering she now had someone that constantly stayed back just like her. Spencer, too, is an absolute sweetheart that she would probably die for.
Whenever they came back from cases, she always had a new batch of whatever she’d been baking just for them.
However, the team found out about her ‘first come gets two’ stipulation that she had, and didn’t like that it constantly went to Hotch. Plus he’d go on to get a third that supposedly went to Jack, but Morgan was convinced that he just eats it on the way home and his son doesn’t see a crumb.
Being accused of favouritism, especially with the Unit Chief, wasn’t something she expected, but she embraced it readily. Played into it, actually.
Absolutely adoring the way he would pretend that he hadn't ever taken two - “let alone three Morgan, get a grip” - but then made a big thing of packing two small paper-wrapped treats into his bag in full view of the team.
Accompanied by her soft giggles from the receptionist desk that she desperately tried to hide as they all walked out.
Although, her absolute favourite times at the BAU were when JJ and (especially) Hotch’s kids visited. They now swarmed her desk, asking so damn cutely for candy and treats that she’d happily sneak to them.
While Henry was adorable, Jack was absolutely her favourite.
Today, as she walked into the bullpen to sort out some files, she was met by the joyful giggles of the younger Hotchner boy running at her. Until she had a mess of blonde hair buried into her stomach that nearly ran her over.
“Oh~! How is my favourite Hotchner!”
“Good.”
The voice that responded wasn’t exactly the one she had expected.
It didn’t come from the muffled face buried into her pastel pink cardigan, it wasn’t high pitched and excited - moments away from begging for another candy - and it certainly didn’t belong to the younger Hotchner currently lolling his head back to look up at her.
Instead, as she looked up, she was met with the amused glance of Aaron Hotchner. A man who appeared far too smug for his own good.
Deciding to blatantly ignore the other agents as he walked over to them, ruffling his son's hair and talking softly. Easing the files from her hand.
“Don’t knock her over Jack, or she won’t give us biscuits anymore.”
The boy pouted and she knew she could never deny him anything, looking up to smack Aaron’s arm softly. Giving him a playfully scolding look.
“I would never deny my favourite Hotchner anything.”
“I should think not.”
Neither of them delved into whether or not she meant Jack or Aaron. Knowing it wasn’t worth getting into right now - he’d interrogate her over their dinner on the weekend.
With a gentle brush to the small of her back, Aaron slipped past her towards his office, and she looked back down to Jack. Smushing his little cheeks and leaning down to press a kiss to his forehead, leaving a pink smudge behind that left him giggling all over again.
Whispering down at him that she would never withhold treats from him, and sneaking him off to grab some more while his dad wasn’t looking.
Not realising that he was looking from his office, that gentle smile on his face to see his son so comfortable with someone else.
To be so comfortable with her.
Want more?! Good!
#aaron hotchner x reader#aaron hotchner oneshot#aaron hotchner fanfiction#aaron hotchner one shot#aaron hotchner#aaron hotch x reader#aaron hotch fanfiction#aaron hotchner fluff#fluff#criminal minds#criminal minds x reader#criminal minds oneshot#criminal minds fanfic
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Misunderstandings and Realizations- A Spencer Reid Fanfiction (Spencer X Reader)
Summary: You and Spencer started to drift apart after JJ's confession, you can handle it for only so long before leaving him. Warnings: Mentions of miscarriage, angst, fluff, brief mentions of sex, brief mention of serial killer, brief mention of seizure, talk of pregnancy, brief moments of being in a hospital Based on Season 14 episode 16 all throughout Season 15
Want to read more, visit my Masterlist!
Something went down.
Not in the bad way, well you guess you could say it was bad because there was a hostage situation with an Unsub, but something certainly happened.
You felt it when he came back home to you that night. Curling himself around you, kissing your neck all over before finally making passionate love to you, like the world would end if he didn't. Usually, you cuddle and fall asleep after you both clean up, but he left you in bed as he went out to the living room, his face masked of any emotion.
His face often did that now when you were around. You had asked the other team member's partners during your weekly get together at the park, but none of them knew what went down that night, not even Will. All he knew was that the Unsub played a game with JJ and Spencer, and JJ didn't tell him anything but that.
You saw the looks at Rossi's wedding, you tried to ignore them. Will seem oblivious to them, but you caught every single one. Spencer didn't ask you to dance either that night, something he loved to do with you since it gave him the excuse to hold you close, look into your eyes and give you kiss after kiss all while you giggled. He loved the feeling of your heart beating in sync with his, he had told you and since then he would randomly dance with you at home and especially when you both went out.
The looks continued throughout the night, the random hush conversations. They didn't stop even when Will got JJ to dance or Alvez came over to ask you to dance. Spencer didn't even seem to care when you said yes, and you spent the rest of the night dancing with Alvez and Pennelope. He just sat alone at the table, his gaze always finding JJ's.
--
Kristy watched you, her hand on her growing bump, as you ran around the playground with her youngest daughters. "Are you sure he isn't just stressed?" She had asked, her voice almost lost in the mixture of the kid's giggled and screams.
You peaked your head from behind one of the slide's. "He's been going to therapy and taking his medicine regularly. It could be but he's never been like this before."
You slid down the slide, the plastic being a little slicker than you thought causing you to fall off and onto the ground.
A pain in your stomach appeared, causing you to gasp, but you quickly brush it away as Henry and Michael came running up to you with a disheveled Will running to catch up with them. You played with the kids for a while, the pain growing more intense, before you slugged your way over to the bench where Kristy and Will sat.
"You should sit down. The kids are pushing you hard today." Kristy laughed. You sat down next to her, a cry escaping your lips as your body touched the cool bench beneath you. "Are you okay?"
You shook your head as the pain increased, your vision going blurry as you felt Will's hands grab your body before it hit the bench.
--
Spencer watched as Matt and Kristy laughed at what Luke said, Matt's arms circling his wife's very pregnant belly. He wondered if he would get to do that one day, but he shook the thought from his mind before going back to his conversation with Tara.
"How's Y/N, doing? She's been quiet the past couple of meet ups."
Spencer nodded his head before lying, "She's been okay, work has her stressed out. She spends most days reading or with the kids." He knew it wasn't the truth but every member of his team that has asked how you've been, he just gave the same reply. Because in all honesty, he didn't know the truth. One day you were just quiet.
He saw the cracks in your usual smiley self. You were a ray of sunshine, always what was needed to brighten up his usual gloomy self. He knew things have been different, he didn't want to admit it. His brain always confused on what he wanted and possibly who he wanted, though he would never tell you that. He always made himself busy, usually taking on more cases from police departments that needed help or booking more classes to teach. The only intimacy you both had was when he came home after cases. He would kiss you like your lips was the air he needed and then made love to you for hours before watching you drift off to sleep before moving to the couch which had become his bed every night because it wasn't right of him to lay next to you while he had been tossing around the idea of a life with another women.
Spencer knew you were lonely, but you stayed, he was thankful for that, he didn't know what he would do without you in his life. But he couldn't shake what was going through his head.
Somewhere in the midst of overthinking, his feet brought him to Kristy. She stood there glowing as she smiled, her hand still rubbing on her belly. "Come to say congratulations again, Dr. Reid?" Her eyes playful as she teased him.
"Um, do you know where Y/N is?" He asked. He hadn't been able to find you for the past hour, which shouldn't have been hard since the house only had so many hiding places.
"She didn't tell you, did she? She had an appointment this afternoon, but she should be here soon." Spencer nodded, trying to remember if you had told him, which you didn't because his brain wouldn't allow him to forget things. "This must be super hard on her though, so make sure you show her some extra love."
Spencer looked at her puzzled. "What do you mean?"
"You know, with the miscarriage. It has to be hard on her to go to this type of celebration." Spencer's puzzled expression only grew as she spoke, so she decided to continue on. "Did she not tell you? She told us she was going to tell you."
"Everyone knew?" His voice barely a whisper.
"No, no. Just Will, Penelope, Luke along with Matt and me. It happened about eight months ago. She fell down playing with the kids and passed out. Will brought her to the hospital, they said it was because she was so stressed."
"Because of work?" Spencer voice was squeaky as worry clouded his face even more.
Kristy's voice was soft but also annoyed. "No, because of what has been going on with you and JJ. She hasn't been herself since then."
--
You finally made it to the party, your nerves getting to you. Your doctor had confirmed the baby was fine and growing healthy. But you were worried, so worried. What if this ended up like before? Your worrying hadn't died down and Spencer hadn't down anything to change that.
Opening up the front door, you made your way into the house, the house filled with laughter and noise. Your eyes scanned for Spencer, but you couldn't find him. You eventually found Kristy; a smile plastered your face as you hugged her tight. She was one of the few people who could make you naturally smile.
"Oh, Y/N, I'm so sorry. I didn't know that you hadn't told Spencer, and I may have told him what happened." Her words fast and covered in worry.
"It's okay," you told her, your hands rubbing her arms. "I just haven't had the heart to do it."
"I didn't tell him what was going on now though." Kristy eyed your too big sweatshirt that had covered your bump before squealing. "How did it go?"
You laughed at her enthusiasm. "It went well, the doctor reassured me that everything was okay. They're healthy and happy. And no, I did not find out the sex either, so don't ask." Her face turned into a pout, and you couldn't help the laugh that slipped out. "Where is Spencer? I think we should definitely talk."
You made your way over to the back patio that Kristy said she had last seen him. You were going to come clean with everything that has happened the last eight months, but your determination faltered when you saw Spencer hugging JJ close to him, her hand rubbing circles on his back.
--
Diana was calling you. Which was strange since she hasn't called you in months. You answered and made your way to a quiet place in the house. You were happy she remembered you, the conversation flowing nicely before she told you about Spencer's visit. What he said and how he felt. She was worried about him, and as his childhood best friend she wanted to let you know what was said and what she had replied with.
You ended the call with the promise to call her back tomorrow. You sank down to the floor, your growing belly blocking you from curling up the way you wanted too.
What had you been expecting? Spencer finally coming clean to his mom that you were together. You doubted he would now that you had moved out without a word a month ago with no communication since. And Diana had proven you right. He made no mention of your relationship.
You took a deep breath and got up. Fixing your hair, you walked out of Matt's office and made your way to Kristy to tell her that you had finally made up your mind.
--
Months had gone by with silence.
No word from him.
No word from you.
You only heard what was going on via the team when they checked up on you. You told them that they didn't have to do that, but Emily said you were a part of the family, you had been for years, and not even Spencer's shitty attitude would change that.
Alvez had taken you in after you told Kristy that you were moving on from Spencer and going forth into motherhood alone. Alvez was someone you trusted, and your friendship grew these past few months. He watched out for you, and you watched out for any girl that you could set him up with. He said it was a win-win situation for him.
You didn't see each other anymore than friends, brother and sister if you really thought about it. But you were grateful for that. You needed it and Alvez enjoyed your company and having someone to watch Roxy while he was on cases. He helped you every time you cried about Spencer especially when you went to your baby appointments and your hormones would make it hard to concentrate on anything but the fact that you were doing this alone. Spencer had already moved on, and you were having his baby alone.
But this perfect set up wouldn't last. The baby was coming soon, and you had to find a place that you could have a proper nursery or at least more space than Alvez's tiny apartment. Plus, the chance that Luke would wind up in a relationship was high, any girl would fall in love with his great personality, and you didn't want to ruin what he could have.
"Are you sure you want to do this?" He asked, setting up the baby's car seat. "We would all feel better with having you here with the Chameleon running around still."
"I think it would be better to move out, I don't want to get in the way."
Alvez chuckled then sighed. "Y/N, you're not in the way. I know you felt that way for a bit, but you aren't. The team want you safe. So, stay here until we've caught the guy, alright?"
"Alright, but after that I'm moving out."
Weeks have gone by, the team on the lookout for the serial killer that had haunted Rossi. During that time, you had given birth to an adorable baby boy, the spitting image of Spencer. He was perfect and the sweetest baby, sleeping through the night, all the cuddles he gave you. He was just perfect.
Your phone rang, and you quickly got up to grab it before it awoke your sleeping son. "Hello?" You whispered.
"Oh, Y/N, Spencer..." You heard Penelope crying. "He.. he was shaking so badly... Oh my god, Spencer..."
"Penelope, slow down. Take a deep breath. Tell me what's going on."
Her words were rushed and mumbled, but from what you gathered, you were already packing your baby's stuff up and heading to the car before you got off the phone with her.
--
You rushed into the waiting room to find Penelope and he his mom sitting together. "Oh, Y/N." Diana got up and crushed you into a hug. "I'm so glad you're here."
"How is he?"
Penelope grabbed the baby bag from you. "He's awake now, they ran tests and he'll be okay. They're cleaning him up right now so we stepped out but should be able to see him soon."
You nodded and sat down. It wasn't long before they called you in, you lingered in the back. You hadn't spoken to Spencer for months and you didn't know how he would feel seeing you, especially with the state he was in currently. Plus, you didn't want to make his new girlfriend uncomfortable.
You watched him hug his mom and Penelope, a smile on his face, you could tell he was trying to calm both women's nerves. He chatted with them for a bit until his eyes landed on you in the doorway. He gave you a small smile, his eyes traveling down to the baby carrier in your hands.
His 100-watt smile returned as he looked to his mom and Penelope. "Do you mind if I have a minute with Y/N?" They both nodded and headed out. You lingered in the back of the room, Spencer just watching you.
"How are you feeling?" The silence was deafening, and you wanted to fill the space with something.
"I'll be okay. Is that-?" He nodded towards the carrier. You nodded to his question.
"Did you want to meet him?" You stepped closer when he gave you a small nod. You unhooked the still sleeping baby from his car seat and brought him over to meet Spencer. Spencer reached his arms out and your heart tightened a bit at the sight of your baby being held by his father for the first time. You gently laid your son in his arms, his face brightening with a big smile.
You sat there for a few minutes watching him make faces at your baby, cooing occasionally. You didn't even realize you had started crying until Spencer called your name, worry on his face.
"I'm sorry..." You quickly wiped the tears away.
"It's okay. Thank you for letting me meet him. What's his name?"
"Oh, um, he doesn't have one yet. Every time I think something may sound right; it just doesn't fit." You reached over to fix the blanket that was near your son's face. "The deadline is coming up, so I'll have to settle on something."
Spencer nodded; his one hand came up to stroke his son's face. "You'll find the right name, I know you will, Y/N."
Something in the way he said your name, made you break down. You couldn't stop the tears from flowing or how weak your legs felt. Spencer moved the baby and grabbed your hand, pulling you down to sit on the bed and held you close to him as you sobbed.
Your baby's cough stopped your sobs instantly and you whipped around to look at you sleeping sons face. You rubbed your hand over your face. "Have you been doing this alone?"
You nodded in reply. "I don't want to bother Alvez. He barely comes home with the Chameleon on the loose."
His hand found your face and cupped it gently, your tears still flowing. "I'm sorry I haven't been there. You've done it all alone. I should've been there."
You shook your head quickly. "It was me. I decided this. I didn't tell you." A sob escaped your lips. "It was just so hard without you there." Spencer opened his arm wide, inviting you to cuddle in and you did. You sat like that for a long time, Spencer's arm rubbing circles on your back as you held your arm over his other arm that was holding your son, your head on his chest.
You lifted your head up and looked at Spencer, his eyes on locking onto yours. The draw was powerful and neither of you realized what was happening until your lips touched. After that, you couldn't keep your lips off of him. Both of you pressing your bodies as close as you physically could with a baby in your arms, the need for each other growing with every second. You pulled away for air, guilt instantly hitting you.
"Spence... we shouldn't do this..." You mumbled between Spencer's kisses.
"Why?"
"Because... You have a girlfriend..." The assault on your lips continuing and you were trying not to enjoy it.
Spencer pulled away; his eyes still locked onto yours. "I don't have a girlfriend. I mean I did but I don't anymore. It- it was a fling to try to get over you, but I just couldn't, especially when I found out about our baby. I just want you, Y/N."
"But JJ...?"
"I was confused over what she said, that was wrong of me, but I knew I always needed you with me. I may be smart but I'm dumb when it comes to my feelings. When I found out you lost our baby, I lost it at the shower and JJ encouraged me to talk to you but when I came home you were gone." His eyes started to water, and he pulled you and your baby closer to him. "I've been a mess, barely sleeping, barely eating. I'm not trying to make you feel guilty, I know what I've done is not excusable and you have every right to not want me in your life, but I need you."
--
"Y/N!" Spencer whisper yelled at you to get your attention. You looked up at him to find him pointing at the sleepy baby he was holding. You walked over, a smile on your face to see your baby sleeping with his tongue slightly sticking out through his smile.
You giggled, wondering how you got so lucky to have such an adorable baby. "Are you almost ready to go?"
Spencer nodded, before reluctantly putting his sleeping son in his car seat. "Do we have to leave him?"
You giggled again at the silly pout on his face. "As much as I want to stay with him, I think we both need to mentally get out of this house." He nodded as he picked up his son's car seat and diaper bag before making his way out of the house with you locking up behind him.
After dropping your son off at your mother's, Spencer and you made your way to Penelope's sendoff party. Spencer placed his hand on your thigh, rubbing circles against your skin. He knew how anxious you were to be away from your child, hell he was just as anxious, but he knew you needed to see your friend off or you wouldn't forgive yourself.
He felt you relax after a minute, and he gave you a smile when you looked over at him. You sighed and continued to look at Spencer, taking in his features and how attractive it was watching him drive with one hand on your thigh.
The first few weeks after your reunion with Spencer was awkward. You didn't know how to react to everything going around you. The case was wrapped up, Penelope announced she was leaving, and Spencer wanting to get back together. Spencer and you took it slow, not wanting to rush into things, just learning what you both had miss, you decided on being friends and he had suggested in both of you getting a place together so it was easier to raise your son and Alvez could have his place back.
You declined at first but after some thought and Spencer showing you pictures of a few houses on the market, you caved in after seeing a two-story house with its wrap around porch and lilac bushes covering the front yard. All you could picture was your son running around the house playing as you sat on the porch in the early mornings, a book in hand. Since then, the next month and a half was getting the house turned into your home.
The friendship thing worked at first, but somehow you would end up staying up waiting on Spencer to come home from cases, him carrying you to bed when your body couldn't keep yourself awake. The early mornings where you cradled your son as you sat on the couch, Spencer's arms wrapped around you from behind, his face next to yours as he cooed at your little one. The random make out sessions in the kitchen when the tension became too strong.
And one night he gave you such a scare.
You sat waiting up for him, he had sent you a text that he was on his way home, but he wasn't answering your calls, and you feared the worse when he wasn't home hours later. When you heard the front door open, you stomped your way from the kitchen to see his smiling face, arms full of groceries and a bouquet of flowers. His smile faltered when he saw how angry you were, tears streaming down your face.
You yelled at him, careful not to walk the sleeping child upstairs, but enough for him to realize how angry you were with him. You angrily put away the groceries, telling him that he should've brought a charger to plug in his dead phone, or let her know that he was going to the store instead of saying he would be right home. He didn't understand why you were so upset with him, his brain too tired to figure it out until you blurted out that you loved him. He looked at you with an apologetic smile before pulling you into his arms, apologizing for worrying you.
Sighing in his arms, you looked up at him, the joke you were about to say escaping your mind when you saw the hunger in his eyes. He took your face in his hands and brought his lips to yours. The kiss was full of passion and love and when you pulled away for air, he told you he loved you. After that, the night was filled with passionate kisses and love making.
You smiled thinking back on the memory. Spencer still took things slow with you; he told you he didn't want to mess up his second chance. He slipped his hand on the small of your back as you made your way into Rossi's backyard.
All night Spencer seemed nervous, but you played it off on his dislike for change and Penelope leaving was a big change for him. You squeezed his hand that was on his chest as you slow danced to the music that was wafting around you. You nuzzled your head in his chest as you swayed even when the music stopped playing.
"Y/N." You looked up at Spencer's face, his dark eyes on yours. He kissed the back of your intwined hand and pulled away from you. He reached into his pocket and kneeled down as he pulled out a box. He opened the box to reveal a tear shaped diamond ring, your right hand covering the gasp that came from your lips.
"I know I said I would take it slow, but I can't imagine my life without you. I want to wake up beside you every morning, go to bed with you in my arms, play with our son in the backyard and watch him grow up and continue growing our family." A few stray tears fell down both of your cheeks, a smile stretching across your face at the mention of expanding your family. "I want you and your love, the gentle smiles you give, your contagious laugh. I don't ever want to let those go. You are my home, you are the only one I think of all day, the one who can calm me down with just one look, word or touch. I need you in order to be me. So, Y/N Y/L/N, will you please be my wife?"
"Yes!"
#criminal minds bau#criminal minds#criminal minds fanfiction#spencer reid criminal minds#spencer reid#dr spencer reid#spencer reid fanfiction#spencer reid imagine#spencer reid scenarios#spencer reid x reader#spencer x reader#reid#criminal minds penelope#jj criminal minds#luke alvez#rossi#david rossi#matt simmons#emily prentiss
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hii, could you do something where reader is family friend and visits every summer so she’s there when Ollie is too, and he senses reader and felix’s tension and tries to ruin it or come between them? And like some angst, drama, tension and just pent up frustration between Felix and reader
ooh yes! angst and drama, this is perfect
i hope you enjoy and thank you for the request!
☙☙☙☙
pairing: felix catton x fem!reader
warnings: use of y/n, angst, toxic relationships, manipulation, ollie being ollie, jealous!felix, possessive!felix, language.
a/n: I’m really proud of this
☙☙☙☙
You had spent every summer with the Cattons since you were 15 years old. Your father, Henry Roy was best friends with Sir James Catton. Once you met the Catton siblings— Venetia and Felix you came to Saltburn every summer.
Felix Catton. How would someone describe the human embodiment of the Greek god Apollo? That was Felix. He was tall and lanky. When his brown eyes fixed on you, it was like he was staring into your soul.
You couldn’t help but feel attracted to Felix. There was a spark between you two, that burned every summer.
When you turned 18, the Catton sibling’s cousin Farleigh joined in your summer adventures.
The four of you would run through that maze, figuring out its intricate design. Drinking every night and running naked through the tall grass that grew around the castle’s edge.
The summer before you went off to college, Felix and you shared your first kiss. It was a hot sunny day, Farleigh and Venetia were drinking by the pool. Felix had taken you off into maze for a walk.
When you came upon the statue in the middle of the maze, you and Felix were laughing. He leaned in and kissed you. Surprised at first, you pulled away. Then you planted your lips to his and kissed him until dark.
Then the summer ended and you had to go to University in Paris. You told the family you would come back every summer. And you kept your promise.
Now after your first year at college, you came to Saltburn for the summer. Hoping to see Felix. Neither of you had talked about your kiss last summer. It was a moment of passion and you doubted Felix would want to be with someone like you.
You’d heard from Elsbeth that Felix was bringing home a friend. You dreaded the thought of it being a girl, until Elsbeth clarified it was a poor boy from Liverpool.
The day before Oliver arrived you came to the house. Elsbeth was overjoyed to see you, giving you a hug and her usual kind compliment. Venetia said hi and pulled you aside, letting you know that would be staying on her side of the castle.
Farleigh and you exchanged jokes, although really happy to see eachother. Sir James asked you about your father and told you that he planned on inviting your family for dinner one night.
But you wondered where Felix was.
“Where’s Felix?” You asked Venetia, she was like a sister to you. You knew to trust her and she would always have your best interest at heart.
“He’s hiding and also preparing for his new friend Ollie to come over tomorrow. It’s annoying, he won’t stop talking about him. And you, christ, Felix is so nervous to see you,”
You blushed when she said this. But as if he heard his own name, Felix was walking into the room. You looked up at him, a smile spreading on your face.
You walked to him and he pulled you into a hug. Felix had missed you and he wanted to tell you how he felt. After he kissed you last summer he realized how in love with you he was. Felix spent the entire school year pining after you, figuring out a way to tell you.
When he became friends with Oliver, he always talked about you. How you were a friend but could definitely become something more.
Oliver was jealous. He was madly obsessed with Felix and had plans of his own this summer.
“I’m so glad you’re here, y/n,” Felix smiled charmingly at you.
“I’m glad too,” you replied, looking up at him with heart eyes. Venetia gave Farleigh a ‘let’s hope they get together this summer’ look.
After a night of pleasantries, you went to your room excited for what the summer had to bring. Little did you know, this was the calm before the storm.
☙☙☙☙
Oliver arrived the next day. You met him and heard all about his sad backstory. He was nice to you. Felix introduced you to him and immediately Oliver saw how much he loved you.
It made him sick with jealousy. So he planned to tear you two apart.
Later that day, you walked back to your room to change for dinner when you stumbled across a note.
‘Meet me in the garden tonight after everyone goes to bed — Felix ♡︎’
You blushed, closing up the note and planning to meet him. When you got to the garden, you waited. You didn’t see Felix anywhere. You sighed in frustration and confusion. You were cold.
But then you heard foot steps and in the dark you could see a figure. But it wasn’t Felix, it was Oliver.
“What are you doing out here Ollie?” You asked, your arms wrapped around yourself.
“I saw you, from my window. I wanted to know if your okay,” he said.
“Thanks, Ollie but I’m fine. I’m waiting for Felix. I thought—never mind,” You said.
“What?” Oliver asked, his plan unfolding just as he imagined.
“Felix asked me to be here. I thought he was going to tell me he wanted me, after last year,” you explained vaguely.
“Ah well. I don’t want to hurt your feelings but Felix has someone. Well multiple girls. He can’t keep his hands off them at Oxford. It’s ridiculous,” Oliver lied straight to your face. And you believed him.
Tears came to your face. Felix wasn’t interested in you and he already had someone, someone that wasn’t you. “No it’s alright. Thank you for telling me,” you said, wiping away a tear.
“I’m cold, so I should return to the house,” you said, walking past Oliver. He grabbed your hand and pulled you close.
Leaning in, he kissed you softly. You pulled away from him.
“Ollie no,” you said, looking into with eyes with warning. He let your hand go and you walked back into the house.
As you walked back into the house, you didn’t know that Felix saw you and Oliver kiss. As soon as he saw it, his heart broke and he turned away from the window. He didn’t see you pull away and leave.
The next morning, breakfast was awkward to say the least.
You were mad at Felix for not telling you he was involved and for standing you up. Felix thought you’d gotten with Oliver and was extremely jealous.
He was also angry with Oliver, as he knew how Felix felt about you.
Later that day, Oliver tried to find Felix. He was sulking in the sun.
“Felix? Is everything alright?” Ollie asked innocently. Felix just huffed in response.
“What do you think?” Felix asked passive aggressively.
“I’m not sure. I want to know what’s made you so upset?” Ollie asked innocently.
“How could you get with Y/n? I saw you two last night in the garden. You kissed her,” Felix said, sounding hurt.
Oliver frowned. “She wanted me to kiss her. I didn’t know what else to do. She left me a note to meet me and I was going to turn her down because I know how much you like her,” he said.
Felix’s face softened but his heart was breaking. Did you not like him? Obviously not if you wanted Oliver to kiss you, he thought.
“I’m sorry Felix,” Oliver apologized.
Felix turned to his friend, “It’s alright mate, it’s not your fault.” He reassured.
☙☙☙☙
You and Felix were not speaking to each other. Just glaring at each other across the room. Venetia was confused and Farleigh was too busy worrying about his own situation to notice.
“What happened between you and Felix?” Venetia asked, one night before bed.
You huffed, “Nothing, I guess. We kissed last summer and now, well he doesn’t want me anymore.” You explained.
“I find that very hard to believe. He talks about you all the time when you aren’t here. And Farleigh said he couldn’t stop thinking about you during school,” she laughed.
This confused you. You wanted to confront Felix. Angry, you took the note. “Right, I’ll be back,” you told Venetia.
You practically stomped to Felix’s room that night, banging on the wooden door. Felix opened the door, his hair disheveled and only wearing his boxers and maroon robe.
“What do you want?” He asked coolly, leaning against the door.
You huffed, crossing your arms. “Don’t take that tone with me. You have been nothing but aggressive towards me this entire week. You won’t look at me, except when you glare. As if I’ve hurt you in some way,” you ranted.
Felix looked at you confused as you continued to speak. “Which is ridiculous, because you invited me to the garden. Not the other way around. I know you have loads of woman just lining up to fuck you. So I will do you the favor of fucking off,” you said, pushing the note into his hands.
You left in a huff and Felix was utterly quiet. He opened up the note and recognized the hand writing immediately.
Why would Oliver lie? He thought. Why did he pretend to be me and write you a note?
Felix walked next door and into Ollie’s bedroom. “Hey mate, I have a question.” He said, shortly.
Oliver looked up from his book, “Yes Felix?”
“That note that Y/n gave you. Did it look anything like this?” Felix said angry.
Oliver looked at the paper that he’d written and slipped under your door. He gulped. “I can explain,” Oliver said, albeit timidly.
“I don’t need an explanation Ollie, you’re a fucking liar. You took advantage of our feelings. Why would you do that?” Felix said.
Oliver couldn’t respond and when he didn’t, Felix left the room going out to try and find you.
You were crying on the bottom of the staircase, drinking a bottle of champagne that you’d snagged from the kitchen.
Coming down the stairs, Felix heard you and came to you quietly.
“Y/n, don’t cry,” Felix said. Hearing his voice, you stood up and turned around.
“What are you doing here?” You asked, wiping away your tears.
Felix walked towards you. His thumb landed on your cheek and wiped away a fallen tear. “I’m sorry about Ollie, he manipulated us. Told me that you wanted him. It made me jealous, because well…because I love you.”
You looked at him in surprise. Felix loved you. “You love me?” You asked, to which Felix nodded, a soft smile on his face. “And you aren’t seeing anyone?” You wanted clarification.
Felix furrowed his eyebrows in worry, “No, no im not. I only want to see you,” he said, leaning in incredibly close.
You nodded, “I love you too, very much,” you smiled softly, looking up into him.
In a heartbeat, Felix kissed you. At first it was soft and sweet. It became heated as you kissed him back. Felix moved his hand around your waist, to hold you up and close to him.
When you pulled away for air, Felix smiled softly. “I’ve been wanting to do that again since last summer. I don’t like it when you’re away. You’re mine, you know.” Felix smirked, pulling you into his hips.
“Am I now?” you grinned, liking the sound of him calling you his. Felix nodded, leaning into kiss you.
“Felix….” You heard Oliver say from the top of the stairs. Felix’s grasp on your waist tightened protectively. You both turned to Oliver.
“Go away Oliver,” Felix said warningly. You gave Oliver an angry look. You wished he would leave.
“I need to talk to you, Felix. We need to sort this out,” Ollie practically whined.
Felix shook his head, “I can’t have you here mate, it was a mistake inviting you.” He said.
☙☙☙☙
The next morning in a dramatic fashion Sir James and Elsbeth led Oliver out of the grounds. You, Felix, Venetia and Farleigh watched from the top of the staircase as it happened.
When the door closed, Sir James clapped his hands together. “Alright. The Henry’s are coming to dinner tonight, everything must be perfect.” He said.
#felix catton x reader#felix catton#jacob elordi#saltburn#felix catton x reader fluff#felix catton x y/n#felix catton fic#oliver quick x reader#oliver quick
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Baby Fever || Sal Fisher
Synopsis - Sal has baby fever.
Warnings - NSFW.
Notes - All characters are 18+!
Word Count - 0.6k.
{Caffeinate Me}
Part Two || Part Three
Visiting Chug, Maple and Soda was always something you enjoyed, it was so lovely. To see little Soda’s face light up when you walked in filled your heart with so much joy. Your boyfriend, Sal Fisher, loved it too. He loved giving Soda a ride on his shoulders, hearing her little giggles and squeals of delight made life not seem so bad. However, it always put you both in the same position when you got back to the apartment you shared with him, his dad Henry, and Lisa: your face buried amongst the sea of pillows on his bed, arse up in the air as he pounded into you from behind silently begging for you to let him cum inside and knock you up. That’s where you found yourself now.
Your hands grasped the sheets below, knuckles turning white as you tried to hold in the moans that were threatening to tumble from your lips. “Please, please,” Sal begged as he bit his bottom lip, trying his hardest not to be loud and wake up his sleeping parents just a room over. “Please make me a daddy.”
“Sally!” You cried out quietly, eyes rolling into the back of your head as his cock thrusted inside of you.
“I know, baby, I know,” he cooed, pressing his exposed lips to your bare shoulder blade. “Just a little more, you can take it can’t you? I know you can,” his voice was hoarse, but then again, he had been edging himself for what felt like hours. You nodded into the pillow, biting the skin of your bottom lip between your teeth as your third orgasm of the night washed over you. Your body shook violently, legs trembling as the coil in your stomach snapped. His lips kissed over your bare shoulders, biting and nipping at the soft flesh as his hands roamed your chest. He squeezed your breasts lightly as his thrusts became sloppier and more staggered as his stamina wavered. “Gonna cum,” he groaned into your neck. You were too fucked out to comprehend what he was saying, but you nodded in response anyway. Sal’s hands grasped onto your hips tighter as, with a few more staggered thrusts, he came inside of you. Thick ropes of creamy cum filled your cunt to the max.
When Sal finally pulled out, he sat back and admired what he had created as if it was a work of art. “Shit,” you whispered as your entire body collapsed on the bed.
“Put your knees up to your chest,” Sal said suddenly, tearing his gaze away from your cum covered cunt and gazing into your eyes. You looked at him quizzically, tilting your head to the side. “I wasn’t joking about wanting to become a father, you know.”
Your eyes widened with surprise, but did as you were told and pulled your knees up to your chest. “You really want to have a baby with me?” You asked.
“More than anything,” Sal nodded. He lay down next to you and pulled you into his chest, making sure to keep your knees fixed to your chest in hopes that his semen would find its way to their desired place. You knew tomorrow you’d be in the same position since you were babysitting Soda again for Chug and Maple, but you didn’t mind. You wanted to make your loving, adoring boyfriend’s dreams of becoming a father reality and the pleasure he gave you was just a plus. “I hope it worked,” Sal whispered as he placed a tender kiss on your forehead.
“We can try again tomorrow,” you said with a sleepy smile.
Sal nodded, a grin plastered on his lips as he looked down on you. “We can indeed.” It wasn’t long before you both fell into a deep, peaceful sleep, ready for another day of babysitting an overactive toddler for your friends.
#sally face fandom#sally face x reader#sally face imagine#sal fisher#sally face#sal fisher imagine#sal fisher imagines#sal fisher x you#sal fisher x reader#sally face imagines#sal fisher smut#sally face one shot#sally face oneshots#sal fisher one shot#sal fisher one shots#sally face one shots#sally face oneshot#sal fisher oneshot#sally face smut
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Tommy tries not to stay too long because Mareep gets sad when she's lonely.
She can't tell him this - she's a sheep and all. But she shows it in the way she nuzzles her gentle head into Tommy's chest when he returns, as if she's trying to push out all those sharp and bunched up feelings that get stuck there. They're not bad feelings though. Not good feelings either.
Just feelings. A lot of fucking feelings.
But Tommy likes visiting the cabin. Even back when, it always felt so far removed from everything else. So quiet, not always in the positive sense. He loved it and he hated it. That seems to sum up about everything he remembers from that time.
(He went in once, the first time he visited. Not anymore. Everything was covered in dust, hollow and empty, and Tommy couldn't breathe for reasons beyond the stifled air.)
Being there doesn't hurt the same.
Tommy still marvels at that. Yes, it still hurts and yes, it always will. But there's more than the hurt now. He remembers the laughter and the stupid jokes and the bench and Henry and man, does it feel as if he's aged a decade. He hasn't. He's young. And there's so much ahead of him.
Then the snow shifts behind him with the soft crunching of footsteps. He turns around, and a person Tommy has thought about pretty much every other day for the last eight months is standing against the treeline.
"Hullo," Technoblade says, as if they have seen each other yesterday. He looks a little less exhausted, and a little less jumpy than Tommy has ever seen him before. Tommy's hand curls around the handle of his sword and then relaxes.
"Hey," he says. Then he swallows. "I didn't know you still came around here."
"I don't," Techno says. "Just came to pick up some stuff I left behind."
"Yeah?"
Techno walks around him in a little arch, and in a way that keeps him facing Tommy at least from the side, never the back. Tommy hates that this is who they are now.
And then Techno scoffs lightly, kicking at some rocks Tommy had been piling into a tower once when he was deep in thought. "Bruh, you're not ruining my property value again, are you?"
Automatically, Tommy laughs. Bright and sudden, and sincere. "Wha- Fuck you, you just said you don't live here anymore."
"I could be on my landlord arc," Techno says dryly.
Tommy should leave it at that. The part deep inside him that still feels raw and scared - as if he's sixteen again and the ocean is endless before him - recoils at all of this. But Tommy knows that part of him can be wrong, sometimes, in how it reacts to things. In how it refuses to embrace change.
"What have you been doing?" he asks. Techno watches him for a moment, a little guarded. He shrugs.
"Farmin'," Techno answers after that small second of hesitation. "Hibernating. Just doing my own thing, away from everybody. I'm done being hounded by people." He brushes some hair from his face, longer now than when he was living on this server. Tommy doesn't think he has never seen Techno without fresh scars or bandaged knuckles. It suits him.
"Sounds nice," Tommy says. He thinks about his little cottage, and Tubbo's honey, and how he's been starting to grow his own flowers.
"It is," Techno agrees.
Tommy leaves quickly after that. But when he returns two days later, there is a glint of round netherite hanging from one of the fence post. A compass with an emerald inlaid in the back, that points to a place very far away.
Tommy doesn't think he's quite ready to follow it. But someday he will be.
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Could we see old Henry and Springtrap being bitter exes?
aw, Henry came to visit him 😌
it's a surprise tool for later~
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“i wish i was who you drunk texted at midnight”
wc!: 5.2k (i’m sorry i’ve got serious problems 😔)
ollie bearman x reader + childhood friends to ?
warnings: angst asf, heartbreak, swearing, let me know if there are any more!
part 2
summary: after moving to Chelmsford you meet ollie, the two of you quickly become friends but unfortunately you fall for Ollie. he moves away for f2 and leaves you, until he’s supposed to race in Jeddah. you fly there only to gain more than what you bargained for
type: angst (cliff hanger ending IM SORRY)
a/n: this is just something I wrote because I was sick in bed the last few days, it’s super long but so hope yall like it! Also i’m sorry if it’s bad lol i am still sick and this is just something i wrote for fun to entertain myself. ALSO no hate to Estelle Ogilvy (is that how i spell her last name) i just used her for the plot of the story please don’t come after me.). The name is inspired by “drunk text” by Henry Moodie, please give it a listen it’s such a good song, enjoy xxx
They say that you should always be friends with the person you like before you start to fall for them. Well, that’s one thing you could check off the list if you looked back on your friendship with Ollie. The truth was, being in love with your best friend sucked. Friends can break your heart too, something people tend to forget.
6 and 6
The first time you ever met Ollie was in a library. A week prior to that you had moved to a strange town named Chelmsford. A name that 6-year-old you found difficult to pronounce, to be frank everything in the new town sounded different to what you were used to. The people there spoke with such a different accent to what you were used to, it would take you quite a while to get used to it. As you sat in the back of the taxi with your backpack at your feet, you stared out the fogged up window. The sky was a gloomy grey and the landscape seemed to be an endless plain of sad looking meadows.
You couldn’t seem to understand why your parents would choose to move to such a sad looking place, it didn’t make any sense. The taxi soon came to a slow stop, the brakes squealing loudly. You glanced out the window hopefully, rubbing the condensation away with your sleeve. Only to be disappointed to see a boring brick building of some sort. It was an odd combination of white wooden window frames and red bricks, like something out of one of those 1600s movies your Father once showed you. You anxiously looked back to your Mother who was watching you as your Father sorted out something with the taxi driver. Upon seeing your unhappy face your Mother chuckled softly.
“I heard that there’s a library just down the street, maybe sometime this week we could visit it.” she offered. You nodded, slightly content. Reading books was something you enjoyed and maybe with a library being close by, not all was lost.
As it turned out, that boring brick building was your new house.
Despite having to unpack and sort adult-y things out, your Mother took you to the library just as she had promised. As you skipped down the cobbled road, your Mother held a bright yellow umbrella over your head to shield you from the rain that was pouring down from the cloudy grey sky.
You pushed upon the heavy front door to the library which also happened to look like a sad white brick square with a pointy red roof, a depressed mushroom if you will. You halted in your steps as giant wood bookcases rose before you, shelves full of books. Never had you ever seen so many books before. In the corner there was a lady sorting things in a trolley with her back turned to you, she still hadn’t noticed you.
“C’mon, let’s head to the kids section.” your Mother said, taking you by the hand and leading you deeper into the library. Stunned by the amount of books that filled the shelves you couldn’t help but wander off when your Mother told you to stay put while she set up a borrowing card for you.
Luckily, the children’s section of the library was much more pleasant looking than the eerie hallways of adult books. You scanned the shelves in search of something to read, until you came to a stop. Two round brown eyes among the books blinked from the other side of the shelf, scaring you.
It was a boy.
You blinked back, unsure of what to do. So you did what any other 6 year old did when they believed they had found a new friend.
“Do you want to read with me?” you abruptly asked the boy who was still staring at you with wide eyes. A moment of silence passed before he nodded slowly, the boy rounded the corner. He wasn’t much taller than you with chocolate brown hair and small freckles that spilled over his face like tiny stars. He stuck out his hand, “I’m Oliver. But my friends call me Ollie.” he greeted, a smile taking over his face. His voice sounded odd, like the taxi driver who’d driven you from the airport to your new house. Ollie reminded you of a rabbit with his two front teeth that seemed to take up over half of his face, but you didn’t say anything because your Mother told you that saying things like that wasn’t nice.
You took his hand cautiously in yours, “I’m Y/N.” you replied slowly. He enthusiastically shook your hand, taking you by surprise as he led you to sit down on the bright coloured bean bags. You watched curiously as he picked a book off the shelf before plopping down next to you again. You peered over as he opened the book to the first page, you frowned, not recognising the book.
“It’s a book called Where’s Wally (Where’s Waldo if you’re American). You have to find the characters, there’s Wally, Wenda, the wizard guy and Woof - that’s the dog.” Ollie explained to you, pointing to each character on the page. The initial nervousness of meeting another kid, melting away. You began to feel excited as you nodded along while Ollie continued to explain how to play. The two of you spent the next hour doing all sorts of things, talking about favourite colours, favourite animals, reading books, drawing, playing board games together. Both getting along so easily it was as if you guys had known each other forever. That was until you heard your Mother calling your name to go home.
You stood up, looking down at Ollie who was still seated on a yellow bean bag. He blinked up at you, with those big brown eyes that had scared you only an hour earlier. “I have to go home now.” you told him, a wave of sadness passing between the two of you as you both realised your fun had come to an end.
“That’s okay, maybe I’ll see you at school.” he suggested hopefully upon seeing your downcast face. You broke into a smile, “Okay, bye Ollie.” you waved slowly as you began to walk away. Ollie waved back with a giant grin on his face as he watched you disappear behind the wooden bookshelves.
“Hey Mom!” you called out to your Mother as she came into view, she was chatting with the lady who you’d seen at the desk sorting books. She paused and turned to you, “Hey, I was just talking to the librarian, she was saying about how she has a son who hangs out here while she works on the weekend.”
Putting two and two together you realised that the book lady was Ollie’s Mother. You smiled at the lady, “I was playing with Ollie, we were reading that one book, ‘Where’s . . .” You trailed off, racking your brain for the name of the book he’d shown you.
“Where’s Wally?” the librarian offered, she nodded fondly. “That’s his favourite book.” You grinned up at the lady, looking back in the direction where you’d been playing with Ollie.
“Mom, am I going to the school as Ollie?” you asked, looking up at your Mother. She chuckled softly before nodding, “As a matter of fact, you are.”
Those golden words were what made you unbelievably excited to begin at your new school. You had barely been able to sleep with the thought of seeing your new friend again, so on that Monday morning you bounded down the stairs to the kitchen. “Good morning!” you greeted both your parents, taking a seat at the dining table, legs swinging off the chair impatiently.
“Someone’s excited for their first day of school.” your Mother hummed as she set a plate of pancakes in front of you. You nodded, “I get to see my new friend.” you replied as you stuffed your mouth with your breakfast.
You were basically pulling your Mother through the front gates as you scanned the sea of other children in the same uniform as you. The uniform also happened to be grey, it complimented the terrible weather perfectly. Your eyes fell onto the brown haired-freckled boy from two days earlier, you ran up to him, “Hi Ollie.” you smiled. A giant grin took over the boy’s face, “Y/N!” he exclaimed, pulling you into a hug. From that day on, the two of you were inseparable. Where one of you went, the other followed right behind, Ollie helped you adjust to your new school, showing you around and never leaving you by yourself. As the years passed the two of you only became closer, though you would soon find out that that wasn’t the greatest thing.
13 and 13
As the two of you grew into teenagers, things began to change and not always for the better. Ollie and you still remained close friends, having dinner at one another’s house on Friday’s, walking home together after school and occasionally spending afternoons playing Mario Kart with Ollie’s siblings. Your families were also extremely close now courtesy to both you and Ollie, his younger siblings becoming like your own. But the worst thing?
You’d caught feelings for Ollie, it had been so sudden almost like it had crept up on you, taking you by surprise. You didn’t understand. It felt so wrong.
One day out of the blue it hit you like a pile of bricks, you just couldn’t stop staring at him. Absolutely enchanted by him, his chocolate brown hair, those pretty freckles that you’d memorised on his face.
Ollie was like a brother to you, he was your best friend, so how come you felt these things for him?
To make matters even worse for little 13 year old you, Ollie liked another girl. A girl who absolutely hated your guts.
What had you done to her? You didn’t know.
You and Ollie had been having a sleepover when he told you about her, her name was Estelle Ogilvy. She was gorgeous and untouchable, by far the prettiest girl you’d ever seen. You didn’t hold a candle to her and you knew it too. Ollie had been hopelessly in love with her since the start of high school when he shared science and maths class with her. Time and time again he would ramble on about her to you, completely oblivious to your feelings for him. You could only nod along wishing it was you who he was talking about. That’s just how it was, you were stuck in a bubble of unrequited love. So all you could do now was watch from afar as Ollie ran after a girl who you just knew would never like him as much as he liked her.
15 and 15
Ollie’s karting career really took off in the last few years and you couldn’t have been prouder, those feelings for him still lingered around but you’d come to terms that he’d never like you in the same way. Because there he was, still stuck on chasing Estelle. You couldn’t blame him, and maybe that’s what you were always just supposed to be, friends.
Yet you were jealous, something you refused to admit. Jealous of Estelle because oh how you wished to be talked about so fondly by Ollie. To always be on his mind, to be the girl he liked and would never shut up about. You still didn’t understand why you felt this way, in your mind it made absolutely zero sense. Then why did it feel so right when you were by his side, almost like you belonged there next to him? But Ollie being Ollie could just never get a hint whenever you tried to subtly let him know. It sucked because there’s nothing worse than loving someone who’ll never love you the same way.
18 and 18
It got worse as the years passed, your feelings for your best friend would just not go away. No matter how hard you tried, how hard you tried to find another boy to fawn over, your gaze would always fall back on Ollie. But he was dating Estelle now, he was in Formula 2 now. It almost seemed like an eternity ago when you first met him in the library just down your street. An eternity ago when you would attend his karting races, cheering the loudest for him in the stands. All of that was now in the past. You barely even saw him now that he had dropped out of school to pursue his career in Formula 2. Now all you could do now was watch from a distance as he looked the happiest you’d seen him in ages.
He was spectacular at what he did, you would watch him race on TV every week no matter what hour the race was or even if you had school the next day.
Yet inside of you there was a giant hole, a hole that Ollie had left behind when he abandoned you. Abandoned was a bit of a stretch but it was the only word you could use to sum up what you had felt when he left. Ollie had to move to Italy for his career, news that he hadn’t even told you in person, you had to hear it from his Mother. He’d taken your hands in his at the airport as he waited to board his plane and promised you he’d stay in touch, that he’d call every week but here you were with the last time you’d spoken to him being over a month ago.
You refused to be the first one to reach out to him, you felt like he owed you that much effort at least. So you waited . . . and waited only for the world to keep spinning while you were stuck in the past. That was until you finally realised that you had never meant as much to Ollie as he had to you.
19 and 19 - present day
“Y/N! WAKE UP OR YOU’LL BE LATE FOR SCHOOL!” your Mother’s voice echoed up to your bedroom, rattling the glass in the window frames. You groaned as you groggily sat up, pulling open the curtains only to be greeted with dark overcast weather, rain pouring down outside. You rubbed your eyes, yawning as you dragged yourself out of bed. It was your second year of university studying mechanical engineering at the biggest university in Chelmsford. It proved to be difficult with its endless nights of staying up doing work but you knew it would be worth it in the end.
Your university never failed to confuse you and make you late for class with all of its giant identical hallways. You ran down the corridors, heels clacking on the marble floor until you came to a stop at the door to where your lecture was for that day. Slipping through the door you weaved through the seats of the auditorium to find an empty seat. Luckily for you, your friend Bianca saved a seat for you.
“Thanks.” you whispered only to be shot dirty glares by the students around you. You winced as you looked ahead at the teacher in an attempt to catch on what he was droning on about. Bianca gently nudged you, passing her phone to you. You frowned, eyebrows knitted as you looked down at the screen. A notice on Ferrari's official instagram with Ollie’s face plastered above the words “Oliver Bearman to race in Jeddah this weekend for Carlos Sainz.”
You narrowed your eyes and huffed, passing the phone back to Bianca who smiled nervously. “What was the point of that?” you whispered, leaning closer to her. Bianca sighed, “You’re not fooling anyone, I know you still have unresolved feelings for him.” she whispered back only to get a loud shushing sound from a nearby student.
Bianca shot them a glare before turning back to you, “You have to go, I don’t care what you say. You are going. This is his Formula 1 debut, whether you’re still friends with him or not you’ve got to be there for him.” she whispered-shouted, looking at you sternly. You sighed, leaning back into your chair, shaking your head.
“It’s not the same anymore. He’s clearly forgotten about me, the last time we spoke was last year and he’s been back home 4 times in the last 12 months.”
Silence hung in the air, only the voice of the teacher rambling on and on about something you still hadn’t caught on about.
“That Estelle girl, she’s clearly using him. You were his best friend, surely that means something to you both.” Bianca tried again but it wasn’t any use. There was no purpose in bringing up something that you both had clearly tried so hard to forget about.
So then why were you here booking a flight to Jeddah to watch your old best friend debut in Formula 1?
It was something you couldn’t answer and didn’t want to.
The thing that you hated the most is that you didn’t even think twice before booking those tickets.
How could you care so much about a person who had so blatantly forgotten about you?
Deep down you knew the answer, it was because to you Ollie was like your home. He was the first person to make you feel like you actually belonged somewhere, he never abandoned you to eat lunch alone at school, he never cancelled plans once you made them, he was a good person, a good friend.
Or at least he was.
Were you insane? The answer was yes, yes you were insane. Being here was so crazy; it nearly made you want to turn around and jump on the next flight back home. You were standing in line to go through the gates when you heard someone call your name. You secretly hoped it was Ollie but much to your disappointment it was . . . Arthur?
Ollie had introduced you to Arthur back when they had raced in Formula 3 together. You hadn’t seen him in forever.
“Arthur?” you questioned as he pulled you into a hug, you hugged him back before pulling away, still unable to believe it was him.
“I was about to ask what you’re doing here but that would be dumb.” you confessed, only noticing now the massive crowd that was surrounding the two of you. Arthur chuckled before nodding in the direction of the gate, “C’mon, I can get you in, you’ll be my guest.”
“Oh, you don’t have to-” you began but Arthur was already pushing you through the gates. Walking back onto a race track was like taking a breath of fresh air after being in a car for a long time. You used to accompany Ollie to all of his karting races each weekend in Chelmsford, so being in the stands had become like a second home to you.
“Are you here for Ollie?” Arthur asked as you walked in the direction of the motorhomes. You caught yourself before you could answer too irrationally, “No, I’m just here to watch the race.” you shrugged, realising how dumb that sounded as soon as it left your mouth. No good person would fly all the way to Saudi Arabia to watch a race if there was a Grand Prix in their own country. If you wanted to “just watch a race” you could’ve watched it on TV or gone to the Silverstone GP. Arthur only hummed, you knew he had already caught on, it was so obvious it made you want to dig a hole and jump in.
“Anyways,” you quickly said, eager to move onto a different topic.
“Anyways.” Arthur agreed, looking at you, eyebrows raised. “You can’t fool me, I’ve known it since the moment I met you.”
You let out an exasperated sigh, “What am I going to say to him?�� you asked, looking to Arthur for help. He shrugged, “No clue but you might want to think of something quickly because he’s walking over right now.”
“Y/N?”
You blinked as you came face to face with the person you wanted to see so badly for the last year and now that you were here facing him it felt like all the air in you had gotten sucked right out. He looked the same since the last time you saw him. In the last year you wanted to hate Ollie so much but it was impossible because you still loved him and that was the big terrible truth that you refused to admit.
“Hi. Ollie.” you said, to not let the jumble of words that you’ve kept in since the last time you saw him spill out. Arthur sent you a quick salute, “Gotta go, I’ll see you afterwards, Y/N.” and with that he left you with Ollie in silence.
“What are you doing here?” Ollie finally asked, he was acting so . . . so normal. As if nothing had changed between the two of you.
“I’m here because I’m your number 1 fan, remember?” you scoffed, looking up at him. A reminder of the time when you were both 10, Ollie gifted you a t-shirt at Christman with the words: “Ollie’s No.1 fan.” plastered on it for you to wear to his karting races. It was sure to be buried deep in your wardrobe somewhere.
“Yeah,” he breathed, “Yeah you are.” guilt written all over his face.
“Why’d you leave me then? Tell me the truth, did I do something wrong? Was I too normal for you?” you asked, questions pouring out of you.
“We were best friends, how could you just leave me like that? Do I mean nothing to you? Because you were everything to me, my best friend, the first person who made me feel like I actually mattered to someone, so tell me, why did you abandon me?”
Silence hung in the air as you stared up at Ollie. You wanted answers, perhaps it would be the only thing that would let you move on from him. He looked away, unable to meet your gaze. This was so. . . so unfair. You wanted to yell, scream at him even so he could feel even a fraction of the pain you’d felt in the past year.
“So that’s it? You don’t even have an explanation?” you asked him, your voice shaking with anger it made your throat ache as you blinked back tears.
“I waited and waited for you to call me, to even send a message but that was a mistake. You’ll never love me in the same way that I love you.”
Hot tears rolled down your cheeks, Ollie finally meeting your eyes as the three simple words left your lips.
You’ll never love me in the same way that I love you.
The world stopped like everything had been put on pause as you realised your mistake. You felt like you’d gotten hit on the head with a cricket bat.
“I have to go.” is all that left your mouth as you turned around. The ground was moving like a spinning wheel - a blurry mess of colours. It made you sick to your stomach as you walked away, your cheeks flushed hot and your forehead sticky with sweat. Ollie didn’t even call out for you, nor run after you for an explanation because it was so blatantly clear what you’d just confessed to him.
You wished you could hate him, hate the fact that he’d left you, forgotten you like an old stuffed toy, you hated that he didn’t love you.
You sat on the curb, clutching your knees outside of the entrance to the racetrack wallowing in self-pity. Wiping away tears that just kept falling down your face much to your distaste. The sun was beginning to disappear behind the buildings, the sky now a deep shade of orange. You stared at your feet, it was dumb, you should’ve known that coming here to Jeddah was a mistake. Ollie had moved on, something that you hadn’t done in the last year. You felt so stupid, why did you believe you could repair your friendship?
Why did you-
“Excuse me?” a voice interrupted your train of thought, you quickly wiped your tears and looked up to see Arthur standing beside you, a pitiful smile on his face. You looked away, “What do you want?” you grumbled, folding your arms across your chest bitterly. Arthur sat down beside you, watching you closely as you stared at the trees in the distance. He sighed, “The race is about to start and Ollie’s not coming out of his driver room. Estelle said she’d be here but she’s not and he’s locked himself in.”
The words hung heavy in the air, “And what does that have to do with me?” you asked flatly. You knew exactly what he meant. But you weren’t going to do that, you were done with Ollie and everything to do with him.
“You know exactly what it has to do with you. Did you really think Ollie forgot about you that easily? You’re dumber than I thought.” he quipped unhelpfully.
“Thanks,” you muttered miserably, Arthur winced.
“What I meant is that you can’t give up this easily, you and I both know how stupid Ollie can be sometimes.”
You chuckled softly, letting a tiny smile creep onto your face. Arthur wasn’t wrong. When you and Ollie were both 8 you invited him over for Easter to make coloured eggs. It resulted in 20 cracked eggs on the kitchen tiles when Ollie accidentally knocked them off the bench. The two of you had stared at the mess on the ground before bursting out laughing until you were both in tears. It was safe to say that you both spent the next 2 hours scrubbing the tiles and the yolk that had stained the grout in between them.
“Yeah.” you said softly, looking at the sun that had been swallowed by the top of the palm trees, the stars in the sky beginning to appear as you sat in the light underneath a lamp post.
“So?”
“Okay, I’ll get him out of the room but after that I’m out of here. I want to go home.”
Arthur gave you a quick thumbs up as you raised your hand to knock gently on the door to the driver’s room. There wasn’t a reply, only dead silence and that’s when you heard it, crying from inside the room. 6-year-old you would’ve kicked down the door and done anything to get to your best friend. But here you stood outside the room, sending hopeless glances at Arthur who was standing behind you.
“Ollie?” you called out hesitantly, the crying halted and there was another long moment of silence. You pressed your ear up against the door, waiting for an answer.
“Yeah?” his shaky voice replied, you breathed a sigh of relief. You turned around, beckoning Arthur to leave you both, he only nodded, mouthing ‘OK’ as he slipped down the hallway. Turning back to the driver’s room you took a deep breath in, you didn’t want to go in. You didn’t think you could face him after what happened earlier.
“You came,” he said as your hand rested on the handle of the door but there was resistance, it was still locked.
“Of course, are you okay?” you asked, immediately regretting asking as soon as it left your mouth. You cursed yourself silently as you awaited Ollie’s answer. Soft sniffles came from the other side of the door, “Yeah.” he finally replied quietly but loud enough for you to hear from the other side of the door.
What were you supposed to say to get him out of the driver’s room?
“Everyone’s waiting for you, you can’t stay in there forever.” you gently reminded him, sighing as you sat down, back leaning up against the door. There was another long moment of silence as you rested your head on the door, stretching your legs out for comfort.
“I don’t think I can do it.” he said, taking you by surprise. The Ollie you’d known wasn’t afraid of anything, he was confident in almost everything he did, almost it seemed.
“Oliver, you’re being crazy. You are by far the most talented driver I’ve ever seen.” you told him, staring at the roof of the building as you heard a sigh from the other side of the door. “You’re just saying that because you’re my girlfriend, Estelle.”
You froze as if you’d just been stabbed by icicles, Ollie thought you were Estelle.
Of course. He’d been expecting her, Arthur had told you before. You scoffed to yourself quietly, you would’ve stood up and left if it wasn’t the fact that you were here to get Ollie out of the driver’s room he had oh so nicely locked himself in. You let out a soft sigh as you racked your brain for what you should say to him.
“I’m not. It’s the truth, Ollie.” you told him with a heavy heart, feeling as if you were just setting yourself up to get your heart broken all over again. You took a deep breath in, “You are such an amazing driver it’s literally insane, not only that but you’re by far the kindest, most selfless person I know. It’s crazy that you think you can’t do this, because I know that you can. Ferrari chose you to drive for them for a reason, they know what you’re capable of, everyone else does too. I see you and you’re extraordinary, you have this spark inside you that’s amazing. And . . . maybe that’s the reason why I love you. I always have, and when I had the chance I should’ve told you but I didn’t because your friendship has always meant more to me than my own feelings.” you let out a shaky breath.
“You’re a good person, Ollie. You’ve earned a chance to show the world just how great and insanely talented you are, are you really going to throw it away?”
You blinked back tears, who knew you could get so emotional after giving such a life changing speech?
You rubbed your eyes and cleared your throat, letting out a deep sigh. It was time to leave now, Ollie would have realised by now that it was you who was speaking to him and not Estelle. As you began to get up, leaning against the door for support you heard a click!
Oh shit, was the only thought that went through your mind as you lost your footing and fell backwards, the door frame offering you no help at all as you grasped at it helplessly. You stared up at Ollie as you laid at his feet, a million thoughts racing through your mind. He was in his fireproofs with his race suit tied around his waist as he looked down at you, eyebrows knitted. There were tear stains on his flushed cheeks as he stared at you with those wide brown eyes you’d seen among the books all those years ago.
“Y/N?”
a/n: sorry if it was so quick and rushed i just wanted to post something! Thank you if you got the end, ik it was super long for no reason, so thank you! Please let me know what you think, likes and reblogs are always appreciated, thank you and have an amazing day xx
#f1#f1 x reader#f2#f1 fanfic#f2 x you#f2 imagine#olliebearman x reader#f2 x reader#formula 2#formula one#formula racing#formula 2 imagine#ollie bearman#arthur leclerc#arthur leclerc x reader#ollie bearman imagine#santanaspeaks<3#f2 fanfic
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'Just call him on the phone'
Q: Aside from the millions you’ve been offered for a reunion concert, how did you feel about producer Lorne Michaels’s generous offer of thirty-two hundred dollars for appearing together on Saturday Night Live a few years ago?* A: Oh, yeah, Paul and I were together watching that show. He was visiting us at our place in the Dakota. We were watching it and almost went down to the studio, just as a gag. We nearly got into a cab, but we were actually too tired. Q: How did you and Paul happen to be watching TV together? A: That was a period when Paul just kept turning up at our door with a guitar. I would let him in, but finally I said to him**, “Please call before you come over. It’s not 1956, and turning up at the door isn’t the same anymore. You know, just give me a ring.” He was upset by that, but I didn’t mean it badly. I just meant that I was taking care of a baby all day, and some guy turns up at the door … But anyway, back on that night he and Linda walked in and he and I were just sitting there watching the show, and we went, Ha-ha, wouldn’t it be funny if we went down, but we didn’t. Q: Is that the last time you’ve seen Paul? A: Yes, but I didn’t mean it like that.
<...> Q: You say you haven’t really listened to Paul’s work and haven’t really talked to him since that night in your apartment— A: Really talked to him, no, that’s the operative word. I haven’t really talked to him in ten years. Because I haven’t spent time with him. I’ve been doing other things and so has he. You know, he’s got twenty five kids and about twenty million records out — how can he spend time talking? He’s always working.
(John Lennon, 1980, All We Are Saying, David Sheff)
*It was in 25 April 1976 **it was in 26 April 1976
Well, when I, when I was Just a little baby boy, Every night, every night I would call, Because your number, you know, Brought me such sweet joy. I've called your name, John, Every night since then But I ain't never, no, no, never Heard you calling me, My sweet, sweet babe, So, you know, you better call me back again, I call your operator but I still can't get through to you, Call me back again
(Call Me Back Again, presumably, 10 June 1976, Seattle)
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Tell me, is she everything i see Or is she really not the one for me? We know, and though some may disagree But do they know the way we want to be? <…> Building something One thing made to last And holding something Special from the past And do I still believe in stories we've been told***? Are all the things she brings me worth their weight in gold? Oh yeah, (oh yeah) pure gold
(Pure Gold, Paul for Ringo, 1976)
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***I remember when John and I were first hanging out together, I had a dream about digging in the garden with my hands. I’d dreamt that before but I’d never found anything other than an old tin can. But in this dream I found a gold coin. I kept digging and I found another. And another.The next day I told John about this amazing dream I’d had and he said, ‘That’s funny, I had the same dream’. So both of us had this dream of finding this treasure. And I suppose you could say it came true. I remember years later talking about it – ‘Remember that dream we had?’; ‘Yeah, that was far out’. So the message of that dream was: keep digging lads.'
(Paul McCartney to The Big Issue, Feb. 2012)
After you've gone And left me crying After you've gone Ain't no deny You'll feel blue You'll feel sad You'll miss the dearest pal that you ever had
There'll come a time And don't you forget it There'll come a time When you'll regret it****
Someday when you grow lonely Your heart will break like mine You want me only After you've gone After you've gone away
(After You've Gone, 1977, Paul's version - 'just for fun' as he said - of a 1918 popular song written by Turner Layton and Henry Creamer, and it's Frank Sinatra's (and Sophie Tucker!) version.
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****the line 'Don't you forget it/When you'll regret it' reminds another old (not as old like After You've Gone but old) song - I Love You And Don't You Forget It by Perry Como. The song, what our lads were singing in their early years so playfully:
Klas Burling: Tell us something about how you find a song… how you get the idea about a song, to write it down. John: Well, sometimes it's the words first, and then the music after. Klas Burling: Very often you've got a title, you know… Me and you, and everything like that? Paul: Yeah. We try to do that, to make it personal so it's… so we really mean it. When we sing a thing about 'I love you,' it's easier. John: (singing) 'And don't you forget it!' John & Paul: (singing together, jokingly) 'I love you and don't you forget it!' Paul: Well, you see, it's easier than singing something about the cat that lives on the hill, man. (laughter) Paul: It's a lot easier just to sing about what you feel yourself.
(August 23 1963, interview with Klas Burling)
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Was I just dreaming or was it only yesterday I used to hold you in my arms And now a baby, and a another on the way [Indescernable] in a farm Now must we be alone? If it don’t feel right, don’t do it If it don’t look right, look right through it If it don’t feel right, don’t do it Just call him on the phone
(John Lennon, Real Life, Feb 1977)
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We'd had a bread strike over here***** and I rang him and I was saying, What are you doing? He says. I'm baking some bread.' 'Oh! Me too.' Imagine, with the stereotypes, John and Paul talking about baking bread.
(Paul McCartney, May 2001, interview for Mojo magazine)
*****a bread strike in England was in Nov 1978
Q: Do you regret that your life has become so public? A: I realized that a good fifteen years ago. I remember actually thinking when I went on holiday somewhere, ‘God I’d really better start thinking now about keeping a few countries aside where we don’t sell records. I won’t be able to go anywhere without being recognized.’ But now I think, ‘Really, I’ve reached the point of no return. There’s no going back.’ Even if I didn’t want to sing anymore, I’d just be like Greta Garbo or Brigitte Bardot. They both retired but you’d never know it. John said this to me a year before he died. He said, ‘Be careful what you wish for, it might just come true.’ That’s the way I look at it. I wished for all this and I got it. To regret it would mean I’d have to sit here and live with negative thoughts about it. I know that would only sink me. Even if I had feelings of regret my personality would not really let them out. ‘Look mate, you don’t regret it. Look on the other side,’ that’s me. Not to sink. I always used to do that instinctively, and not allow too many negative thoughts to surface.
(Paul McCartney, April/May 1982, interview for Music Express)
The couple of years after the Beatles broke up it was very touchy because I think we suspected each other of business manoeuvres. So anyone would ring up, it would be like, “Why is he ringing?” And when you put up the defensive like that it’s very difficult to say, “I’m not! Honest!” You just don’t know where to put yourself. So we had a lot of those ups and downs for quite a few years. But the favourite thing was that if ever we talked not business – and what we ended doing, actually, was make a rule not to talk business on the phone – and on those occasions, we had really good vibes, man. And it was great; we just talked kids, we talked family, we talked cats, we talked life, rather than, “oh, what songs are doing with x business affair?” And one of the great things for me, one of the consolation prizes after John was killed, the only thing– you know, you find yourself holding on to little bits of wreckage to keep yourself afloat. And with me it was the fact that our last phonecall was really one of the best we ever had together; it was really warm, we were really friends again.
(Paul McCartney, 1984, interview for CBS Morning News)
youtube
Q: Do you remember your last conversation with John? A: Yes. That is a nice thing, a consoling factor for me, because I do feel it was sad that we never actually sat down and straightened our differences out. But fortunately for me, the last phone conversation I ever had with him was really great, and we didn’t have any kind of blowup. It could have easily been one of the other phone calls, when we blew up at each other and slammed the phone down. Q: Do you remember what you talked about? A: It was just a very happy conversation about his family, my family. Enjoying his life very much; Sean was a very big part of it. And thining about getting on with his career. I remember he said, “Oh, God, I’m like Aunt Mimi, padding round here in me dressing gown”– robe, as he called it, ’cause he was picking up the American vernacular –“feeding the cats in me robe and cooking and putting a cup of tea on. This housewife wants a career!” It was that time for him. He was about to launch Double Fantasy.******
(Paul McCartney, Dec 1984, interview for Playboy)
******Double Fantasy released 17 November 1980
I was lucky. The last few wee... months that he was alive, we’d managed to get our relationship back on track. And we were talking and having real good conversations. Real nice and friendly.
(Paul McCartney about This One, interview with Bernard Goldberg for the TV series 48 Hours, 1989)
youtube
#I did it!#I made out John and Paul calls after 1976 when John didn't let Paul into the house#Paul in his interviews combines the call about baking bread (which was in 1978) and the last call (maybe on John's birthday)#when John told about Double Fantasy#the beatles#john lennon#paul mccartney#john and paul#accidental divorce#call me back#after you've gone#real life#pure gold#the power of context#interview: john#interview: paul#david sheff#klas burling#baking bread#Youtube#the songs we were singing
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✰NEPTUNE IN ARIES✰
A once in a lifetime astrological event!
©️GeminiMoonMadness
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Neptune takes roughly 165 years to transit the whole zodiac and has been happily swimming through his own sign of Pisces since 2011. Neptune will transit Aries from 2025 to 2039, spending about 12 and a half years there in total, with a few dips in and out at either end. This represents the start of a new cycle of inspiration and change.
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Here are the dates:
-Enters Aries on 30 March 2025
-Retrogrades into Pisces on 22 October 2025
-Re-enters Aries to stay from 26 January 2026
-Dips into Taurus on 21 May 2038
-Final visit to Aries from 21 October 2038
-Enters Taurus to stay on 23 March 2039
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Neptune was last in Aries from 1861 to 1875 and brought to light humanity´s impulsiveness translated into wars, the creativity to invent and the determination to discover.
As Neptune transits the signs, it reveals what we idealise and look to for redemption or salvation. In Capricorn (1984-1998) it fed the idealisation of corporations and big business and in Aquarius (1998-2012) it idealised science and technology. In Pisces (2011-2025), it appears to be idealising deception itself because we’re all drowning in fake news and propaganda in a crazy-making post-truth hall of mirrors.
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WHAT HAPPENED IN HISTORY THE LAST TIME NEPTUNE WAS IN ARIES?
60 – 73 CE
-In Rome Christianity was spreading fast
-In Palestine there was a Jewish uprising against the Romans in 66 and Josephus wrote his history of the Jewish War which became a major source on Jesus.
388 – 401
-Christianity had become the official imperial religion of the Roman Empire in 391
-Theodosius prohibited all pagan cults and worship.
432 – 419 BCE
-The ancient Greek city states were always having falling outs/battling.
-The Peloponnesian War between Athens and Sparta began and ran for decades.
879-892
-Alfred the Great created a small fleet of ships to fight naval battles against the Vikings.
1206 – 1219
-Genghis Khan began his conquest of Eurasia
-The Christian Crusades were in full swing
1370 – 1383
-The Hundred Years War between England and France was going strong, it started in 1337 and ended in 1453.
-The Catholic Church split in 1378 and there were two rival popes until 1417
-The Church came under attack from 1377 by John Wycliffe, an English theologian.
-John Wycliffe (as above) completed the first translation of the Bible into English in 1382.
-1370s, the story of Robin Hood began to circulate (a tale of a classic Aries character).
1534-1547
-Henry VIII broke from Rome and declared himself supreme head of the Church of England
-This led to the dissolution of the monasteries in 1536 and the destruction of religious relics and churches, and endless fighting between Catholics and Protestants.
-In the 1540s Valerius Cordus wrote Dispensatorium, the first pharmacopeia covering medicinal plants, minerals and how to make drugs, published in 1546. He also discovered ether in 1540, which was used in pain relief for surgery – and for getting as high as a kite!
1697 – 1711
- Lots of fighting and rebellions in Europe over various things, including the War of Spanish Succession in which England took Gibraltar in 1704.
-England was getting tired of fighting the Scots, and in 1707 the Act of Union formed a new entity called Great Britain, unifying England and Scotland.
1861-1874
- American civil war commenced
- germ theory was invented
-Violence on the Australian goldfields
-Slavery
-Abraham Lincoln becomes president
-Franco-Prussian War
(Can you notice a trend?)
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PREDICTION FOR 2025-2039:
Neptune in Aries could bring pioneering visions that reach into every part of society, with lots of new ideas and progressive thinking. There could be idealistic revolutions and social activism, visionary rebellions, crusades for truth and religious wars. Wars may be fought based on lies and deception (nothing new there then), or fought with bioweapons, chemicals and viruses.
At best, Neptune could inspire compassionate action and leadership that takes us away from the potential for war. But it could just as easily reveal the corruption and weakness of leaders that create power vacuums and trigger war by accident.
There may also be a massive loss of faith in leadership, a loss of belief in the nation or the system. People could turn away from the system out of disillusionment or even boredom, and lose themselves in escapist pursuits, like gaming or virtual reality.
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WHAT HOUSE IS YOUR NEPTUNE IN?
WHAT HOUSE IS YOUR ARIES IN?
WHAT DEGREE IS YOUR NEPTUNE?
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