#Hearse™

[hellcab]

Hearse™

“If you’re not dead, you’re hardly working.” -Hearse Shift Manager

"What was the saying again? Arbeit macht frei?" -Roth Kruger

"There's no one at the wheel. He's smiling, but he wants to scream. You see his eyes, glazed and dead. No heart and no blood. No going home after his sift ends. It never ends." -Anonymous

Hearse™, or Hearse On-Call™, is the newest line of “uber” like services found in Hell. The young company burst onto the scene in 2017, becoming one of the most downloaded apps on the market.

Known for their sleek, modern cab services, Hearse™ can be recognized by their fleet of ultra-modern black hybrid sedans. Comfortable and luxurious, passengers can enjoy a safe journey through the quagmire of Pentagram City.

Not so, for the people having to work for Hearse™.

Like most businesses, Hearse™ has little regard for the rights of their workers. Most of them are overworked and underpaid. Constantly monitored and micro-managed to discourage any sort of individualism. Look inside any Hearse Cab™ and you will find devices to monitor the driver’s thoughts, emotions and facial expressions.

Drivers even had their pay docked for not smiling enough.

At Hearse™, dying is no excuse to be late for work. Using necromancy, Hearse™ “resuscitate” its dead employees to work forever. Without pay, of course. Of course, some Hearse™ executives are considering on "zombifying" the whole work force.

Recently, the company was acquired by Stepehen Good, a tech-rival of Vox. The twelve-foot-tall cybernetic devil announced his plans for the company, saying "it will have a bright future in my new city project."

Overall, Hearse™ represents the worse of Hell and the worse of corporate drudgery. A greedy, selfish parasite that bleeds you dry. Even in death, you cannot escape the corporate death grip.

Of course, Hearse™ still has competition. Their rivals, being Gehenna Cabs.

[cleolinda]

Friends, we have more neighborhood weirdness, and it doesn't even involve wet chaos or the Unnamed Internet Provider.

So I'm at home with my dog, minding my own business, and there's a loud knock at the front door. The first thing you need to know is, it's 2023 and I don't open doors. Since the advent of texting, there is zero need to open a door without advance notice of a visitation, and I stand by this. At most, someone might be unheralded, but it's a delivery I was at least expecting. Don't Open Doors 2k23.

So I wait a few minutes, and then I go to the slatted door that opens from the den out into a little front hall, so I can kind of look through a window by the front door without being seen. There is no one on our doorstep, and there is no one parked out front on the street. Sure, I gave them time to leave. Not weird.

However, as you know, an Internet Provider flooded my basement with sewage, and we have had vans and trucks for repairs at our house for a month now. I go check kitchen window over the driveway to see if there’s anyone parked there.

There is.

I did take a picture of it, but I'm not sure if I should post it. I don't know shit about cars, so I can only describe this gleaming black vehicle as CIA surplus, or maybe sport utility hearse. The windows are tinted so dark that I can't even see who's in the front seat--there's got to be someone, because I went to other windows around the house and couldn't see anyone walking around, either. Short version, it looks like an expensive car that takes you to Bad Places.

I call my mom and ask if she was expecting anyone to stop by. Delivery, home damage repair, driveway digging chaos, anything. No, no one.

I sit very quietly in the den with my dog.

A while later, I check the kitchen window again. Ten minutes, and they're still parked there. Half an hour, they're still parked there. My mom calls an hour into this, and I check again, and they're not there. So this car stayed parked in my driveway, no one knocking again or ringing the doorbell, anywhere from 30-60 minutes. When I peer out at the front door, there's a printed note stuck on the window. It reads thusly:

DELIVERY NOTICE!

Important Time Sensitive Material

Name: Mr. and Mrs. [Parents' correct surname]

Date: [Accurate date]

Time: [Not accurate time, nearly an hour early]

Please call within 24 hours to reschedule your delivery

Contact Person: [A slightly different version of a common first name, a common surname]

Phone: [A number my mom later tried to google but reverse lookup wanted money]

There is no logo or company name on the note. It looks extremely generic and "hello fellow kids, I do a business." Between this and the corporate kidnap vehicle, I am creeped the fuck out, and extremely grateful that I have the Gift of Fear™ and do not fucking open doors.

Here's the thing, though. In writing this up just now, I decided to do some due diligence for y'all and google the contact's name. The first name is just unusual enough that it pulls someone relevant up immediately, first result:

A local account executive for a rival internet provider

what the fuck, y'all

Like, I'm not saying an internet executive sat in my driveway for the better part of an hour (to deliver WHAT??), but given our travails with A DIFFERENT internet provider, does this not seem significant? MAN WE JUST USE AT&T, LEAVE US THE FUCK ALONE

[bastardblvd]

stepfather, please forgive me for i have sinned... 🧎🏻‍♀️ i didn't send in the two asks i was meant to (i'll send in the other soon). anyways, here's some more Grimetown Lore™ that was left marinating in my overcooked peanut-sized noggin.

i present to you, lawyer!Hiromi 🙌🏼

i can't remember when this came to me, but i was just thinking, imagine lawyer!Hiromi is the ONLY lawyer Grimetown has (the only one they need considering it's Grimetown). think of him as their very own Saul Goodman, just not as slimy; he's a good man, just fed up with the bullshit his slimeball clients get up to. the guy is honestly a Swiss Army Knife; he's got it ALL covered. from criminal activity to personal injury, real estate to labour law, and even patent law !!

anyways, a typical day for lawyer!Hiromi is representing drug dealer!Naoya at the District Court because, well, self-explanatory; this is all before lunchtime, mind you. then he gets a little lunch break where he eats his neatly cut cucumber sandwich before dealing with freeloader!Toji's trespassing penalty. something, something, he didn't leave Sugar Momma No. 16's property and went back to retrieve something he wasn't meant to... later on, sometime before afternoon tea, he has a meeting with landlord!Sukuna who has failed to meet Health and Safety obligations (there was mould growing in multiple apartments of the various complexes he owns on Bastard Blvd). his day finally ends with a video call with rich boy!Gojo about his possible fraud penalties because of those dodgy eight credit cards he's maxed out (there's probably some investment fraud sprinkled in there).

idk why, but i picture him driving a hearse he bought at the Gojo estate sale. don't ask me why they had a hearse; it's beyond me. also, he and bank teller!Nanami are roommates. i feel like he and bank teller!Nanami would greet each other after a long day at work like this: "I have to tell you what happened today. Gojo _____".

EVERYONE WELCOME THE GOOD LAWYER HIROMI HIGURUMA TO GRIMETOWN! 🗣️ THE IDEA OF HIM HAVING TO COVER ALL THE BASES IS KILLING ME!

hiromi has a few areas of interest but the more subjects he picks up, the less informed he is on them. sure he's kept drug dealer!naoya out of jail (and maybe accepted a few bribes from weed dealer!recovery girl to throw away the damning evidence because fuck is he tired) but good luck getting off scot-free if you're facing charges with exotic animals in grimetown. he's never left the law school phase because he's frantically studying some new law he's never even heard of the night before the trial.

[kneehoming-knee]

GUESS I'LL HAIR DRESSER WAIT_BURTZ BEEZ BON BOMP BUENO BUMP HEARSE MIGUEL MIGS IN FLIGHT MEDELLIN FIGHT NIGHT COCK TIGHT RAZOR RIGHTS_ ALIEN DRIVE NFS™

[iamhomewardbound]

8.28.23

TW - death, graphic descriptions, depression

My Dad died last May.

He died at 3:10 PM on a Wednesday afternoon after a lifelong battle with alcoholism. He died before I turned thirty, before he could walk me down the aisle, before he could meet my future children.

On a late Sunday afternoon I drove home because he was in the hospital again. My mom said they had mentioned that he may have six months to live. Huh? I don't know how I drove for over 3 hours after hearing that. Over the course of the next eleven days, his prognosis went from months to weeks, and from weeks to days.

And on the eleventh day, we sat around him, exhausted beyond words after days and nights of exasperated caretaking that spiraled into infinity. I cannot physically bring myself to write what we experienced, but just know when you liver and kidneys fail simultaneously, ammonia builds up in the body and pretty much makes you go insane. So the parent you love with all your heart is writhing, bucking and tearing at their own skin as their body succumbs to the end stages. They are hallucinating and angry. They are awake all hours of the night and asleep all hours of the day. They are diapered and spoon fed. They are helpless.

As we sat around him on the 11th day, his breathing began to labor. I looked up from the newspaper I was reading and suddenly it was time. We gathered (or floated? I don't even know how I got there) around him and I took his hand in mine. It was oddly lukewarm and slightly rigid. I didn't think anything of it at the time, in fact I'm not sure I was capable of coherent thought at all. His big giant hands that held me as a child, that would rustle my hair and envelope me in massive hugs. Those giant hands. How, Dad, how?

His wrist pressed against mine, and I realized couldn't feel a pulse. His breathing paused for longer than normal. I put my two fingers up under his jawline and suddenly he let out, what I did not know at the time, the very last gasp of air from his lungs. I was so startled I laughed. Not sure why I did. Then suddenly our family nurse was there and my mom told her solemnly that he seemed to have stopped breathing. Seconds, minutes, hours, maybe even days passed by, and then she put her fingers on his neck to check his pulse, and then some words came out of her mouth that indicated he was dead but there was that ringing sound in my ears. My mom and sister erupted into animalistic sobs, but the ringing sound™ got louder, louder and louder like in the movies. All other sound is muted. There is nothing, only ringing.

Somehow I watched my Dad get put on a stretcher and loaded into a hearse. They zipped the black bag up around his face and I wanted to cry out, "STOP, you're suffocating him!!!"

But it was me that couldn't breathe. I was the one who was suffocating. I couldn't breathe, and I wouldn't be able to really breathe for the next several months. Maybe even the rest of my life.

It's been a little over a year. A year of the core part of my being collapsing into itself and rotting into the diseased seas of despair and depression. You thought you were sad? You thought you were really fucking sad?? Try losing a parent under highly traumatic circumstances and your lowest moments will feel like a goddamned vacation compared to this.

The worst feeling of all is this is year 1/X; 1 of X.

X being a lifetime.

The mortuary called us on Father's Day to let us know my Dad's ashes were ready to be picked up. You know, cause Father's Day clearly was the best day to do this (sarcasm).

Something they don't tell you about ashes is that there's bits of calcified bone in it. So, if you move it, rebottle it, or shake it, it goes klink-tink. It is also a beige, almost skin-like color, not what I would have expected, and kind of sombering.

And so this is my life now. Consumed forever by the sudden, highly traumatic death of my father. I continue my existence pretending to seem like I'm okay when I've been dealt probably the craziest fucking blow I could have never forseen coming.

I can't vocalize the absolute horror and pain I've had to see and go through. I just can't.

Hug your parents. Hug your Dad. forgive them. Go visit them.

I would give up all my earthly possessions just to be wrapped in a big bear hug from my Dad, but I will never again in my life get that privilege. Just writing those words out into a sentence is incomprehensible.

You don't even know the magnitude of knowing never again in your life will you see, hear, or touch someone you love. These words shift continents and collapse black holes. They pause time and halt gravity.

So, I urge you to you go tell your parents you love them, and give them as many hugs as you still can. Please.

For me, if anything.

[wasteland-squog-baby]

...The hearse incident™

*standing there menacingly*

Do you want garlic bread?

...

Hey, you made a hole in my stomach... Or not you... I don't remember.

[xxgothchatonxx]

So, Dracula Daily has made me come to the realisation that there has in fact been a pretty book-accurate version of Jonathan Harker.. 

except in this version (Young Dracula) he’s Jonathan Van Helsing, Van Helsing is his father and Mina is his mother- I SWEAR I HAVE A POINT HERE, JUST HEAR ME OUT!

Jonno (yep that’s what they call him) Van Helsing spends most of season 1 being like “oh for fuck’s sake, Dad, there’s no such thing as vampires, and The Count is not absolutely 100% NOT a vampire!” all while the Count is constantly like *Keith-Lee Castle staring intensely while dressed in full-on leather with a massive black cape... who also lives in a giant spooky castle complete with dramatic thunder and lightning crashes... and drops his kids off at school in a goddamn hearse*

Jonno is like “nope, not a vampire, just a very intense Goth Dad from Europe” which sounds pretty on-brand for Our Dear Friend Jonathan Harker™

[mudskip-muses]

@loveleftbehind​ liked for a board certified Mess™ (X)

Head stuck deep under the hood of Gundham’s car, the click of a socket wrench could just barely be heard above the sound of the mechanic’s complaining, though it was really more playful than anything. “Dude, seriously, what the fuck did you do to this thing?” It was said with a laugh as he heaved the useless and dilapidated battery out and set it to the side along with the wrench, completely missing the way the man behind him eyed the movements of his muscles as he did so. “You use it for some ritual or whatever?” He turned to him with a sharp-toothed grin, wiping his hands on his coveralls before turning back to the car, oblivious to the fact that the battery had been used for such a thing not too long ago, but that wasn’t important...

“No fucking oil, battery’s corroded, air filter’s fucked, I’m pretty sure these spark plugs will disintegrate if I touch them...” He rattled off, not noticing Tak enter his shop, nor the way he was once again being leered at by the overlord as he slipped his arms from the sleeves of his coveralls, tying them about his waist before he stuck his head back under the hood. Gundham gave a nod to her in greeting, not wishing to disturb Kazuichi's flow, or interrupt the show... He tipped his head towards Kaz with a smirk, leaning back against the wall casually, arms crossed as if inviting her to join him. 

“Seriously though, did you do this shit on purpose?! I don’t think I’ve ever seen a car this bad!” Kaz continued on, leaning back out to adjust his cap, grease now smeared on his arms and white t-shirt now stained with the sticky substance. The darklord threw another smirk Tak’s way as if to say that he did in fact do this on purpose, but Kaz didn’t need to know that... “I know it’s an hearse and all, but seriously, you don’t have to drive it to the g-” Turning towards the two now, Kaz finally noticed that it was no longer just him and Gundham in the shop, his face lighting up as he gave a little wave in Tak’s direction. “Oh, hey babe! Sorry, I didn’t hear you come in!” He chirped happily, missing the way Gundham snickered into his scarf, muttering the pet name to himself incredulously. 

“Hey, come look at the shitshow Gunnie brought me! It’s gonna take me all damn day to fix!” He didn’t seem too upset about that fact as he waved her over, a hand resting on his hip as he brushed a strand of hair from his eyes, effectively smearing grease across his cheek now.

[painted-piggy-ships-archive]

Ah yes; 4 ghostbusters and their black cat. aka, here’s my Ghostbusters s/i!

Ferris Hutch Called the ghostbusters to take care of some ghosts on their uber haunted property, though they allowed for the polite ones to stay Drives a hearse, owns a black cat, and is generally Spooky™ Before joining/moving in with the ghostbusters, they mostly made money by doing haunted tours and selling stuff online or in pawn shops They’re generally pretty chill, a tad morbid, but sweet once you get to know them

@fangedwife

[loveforpreserumsteve]

Better Together: "ALN" Story (Pre-Serum Omega!Steve and Alpha!Bucky Modern Domestic AU)

TRIGGER WARNING Brock Rumlow

Twenty:

After Bucky and the other pallbearers loaded the plain pine casket into the hearse, he made his way back inside where Steve and the boys were waiting to use the funeral home restroom. Exchanging a chaste kiss, Steve gave the keys to his husband so he could start the vehicle so it would be warm. And while the boys wanted to leave with their daddy, Steve stopped them from doing so. Wanting to make sure that their bladders were empty before making their way to the cemetery. Especially Steve since Kit had been using his bladder as a waterbed more often than not.

As Steve was relieving his own bladder, the bathroom door opened. Assuming that it was one of his sons trying to leave or Bucky entering, Steve turned his head towards the door. However, both boys were busy playing with the automatic hand dryer and while the man standing slack-jawed in the cracked door was a brunet, he wasn't the one that Steve had expected.

For a moment, the man just stared at each other until – FINALLY – Bucky closed the door with a rushed apology. Cheeks flaming, Steve returned his gaze to in front of him and quickly finished his business. Wishing that the embarrassment would leave him as soon as the urine did.

Once his hands were washed, he shook his hands out since the dryer wasn't drying them well enough, fast enough. So, he wiped them on his slacks before shrugging into his coat and making sure that the boys were bundled up as well.

Not wanting to run into Brock again, Steve cautiously opened the door. Instead of finding Brock waiting for the bathroom, Steve found him talking to Bucky. With the door open, the boys squeezed between Steve and the frame as they ran out of the bathroom for Bucky.

Instantly, Bucky smiled and caught Oliver and lifted him into his arms, just as he did with Finn when the almost three year old caught up with them. As Bucky held both of their boys, Steve crossed the distance to his husband. Even though he definitely took his time. Wishing that Brock would leave before he got there.

He didn't.

Deciding that if he wasn't going to leave, they would, Steve asked his mate, "Ready?"

"Yeah," Bucky nodded and looked over to Brock as he offered, "Would you like to ride with us?"

Steve clenched his jaw to stop it from falling open in his bafflement. Momentarily wide-eyed he looked at his husband and tried to nonverbally communicate that he DID NOT want to go anywhere with Brock. Of course, his husband was too kind of a person to notice. Especially once Brock agreed just a little too eagerly for Steve's liking.

When Bucky smiled over at him, Steve couldn't help but return the fond grin. Figuring that if Bucky liked Brock, he couldn't be so bad. Maybe Steve was just projecting or something onto Brock. After all, he had never been good with subtlety. In high school, he had missed his chance on numerous crushes because he didn't catch their requited attempts at flirting, and had dealt with one too many Nice Guys™ because he unwittingly dropped them off in United States of Friendzone.

So, really, what did Steve know?

"Well," Steve awkwardly started, "We should probably get going."

Briefly, Bucky's brows furrowed at Steve, silently questioning his husband what was up. However, Steve wasn't about to say something while the root of the problem was right there. Giving his head a quick jerk in a subtle shake, Steve accepted Finn and led the way out of the funeral home. The other attendees were starting to line up behind their Volvo, so Steve got to work with putting Finn in his car seat.

Looping around to the other side, Bucky helped Oliver into his seat and buckled him, despite the four year old doing faux karate moves. Playfully, Steve rolled his eyes and teased his husband, "You make it look so easy."

"It is," Bucky winked.

Shaking his head, Steve carefully backed up and bumped right into Brock. Instantly straightening up to his full height, Steve turned to look at the alpha cautiously. Rapidly blinking in his shock, Steve's mind wasn't catching up enough and instead of apologizing the way he normally would've or instead of angrily asking him what the fuck he thought he was doing, Steve just said, "You can have the passenger seat."

Giving Steve's bump a glance, Brock asked, "You sure?"

"Yeah," Steve confirmed, not leaving any room for argument.

"Okay," Brock nodded and started around the front of the Volvo.

Letting a shudder run down his spine, Steve nearly jumped out of his skin when he felt a hand on his lower back. With wide eyes, Bucky held his hands up because he didn't mean any harm. If only his heart and his wombmate understood that.

"Sorry," Bucky apologized, rubbing his hands over Steve's arms the way he did whenever he thought Steve was cold. Most of the time, he was correct. Even more so in that moment since the chill ran deep down to his soul.

"You want me to drive?" Bucky asked. Silently, Steve nodded. Leaning into press a sweet kiss to his forehead, Bucky softly said, "I know that today is hard, but I'm proud of you."

Brows furrowing, "Why are you proud of me?"

"Because I know that today must be hard," Bucky shrugged. "I know it's hard for me." Taking Steve's hand and bringing it up to his mouth, he kissed it and assured, "I'm here though. I even picked up some flowers to give to our gals."

Steve's heart clenched. Wow, did he love this man.

Standing on his tiptoes, Steve kissed his husband and reassured, "It's easier with you here."

With a slow grin stretching his lips, Bucky kissed Steve's mouth once more before kissing his temple and helping him into the backseat beside Finn. As Steve got situated, Bucky closed the door and opened his own door. While he was still letting the seat and mirrors move to his settings, the queue started moving.

"Just in time," Bucky commented, following the vehicles in front of them as they drove down the street with police escort.

Which happened to also be just in time for the boys to start complaining about being hungry and being thirsty and, daddy, are we almost there, mixed with, papa, where's Big Bird? It wasn't unusual for their little guys to be vocal in the car. Once they settled in for the ride and focused on the current song, they typically settled down.

"Brock, can you hand me that bag, please?" Steve politely asked.

Glancing down at the bag beside his feet, "This one?"

"Yup," Steve bit back the sarcastic comment trying to escape. As he reached for the bag, Brock's hand brushed against his. Dangerously close to his scent gland, Steve nearly dropped the bag. Snatching it up instead of Steve dropping his gaze to the bag and muttered, "Thanks."

"No problem," Brock kindly replied.

Only, there was a huge problem. A ginormous issue. And it was sitting in the passenger seat wearing a small grin that made Steve's stomach roil.

TAG LIST: @t3a-bag

[trashbaget]

hey bitches 💕

🎼 it’s Music Monday 🎶

i just made this up 😌💖

✨🥰 time for me to share a bunch of the tunes i’ve been loving in an attempt to improve everyone’s music tastes 🥰✨

💫 okay but honestly i just really fucking love sharing music with people so this is gonna be A Thing™ now and i sincerely hope y’all vibe with my tastes so we can yell about it together ☺️🌱

[skarlettriott]

I posted 23,617 times in 2021

659 posts created (3%)

22958 posts reblogged (97%)

For every post I created, I reblogged 34.8 posts.

I added 518 tags in 2021

#mine - 137 posts

#youtube - 108 posts

#music - 66 posts

#personal - 50 posts

#spotify - 46 posts

#cat - 32 posts

#lyrics - 25 posts

#luna - 23 posts

#flowers - 17 posts

#my face - 14 posts

Longest Tag: 66 characters

#then again if he was here the bedtime snack wouldn’t have happened

My Top Posts in 2021

#5

“fuck you my child is completely fine”

maam your child know every lyric to bullet by Hollywood Undead

34 notes • Posted 2021-03-06 16:46:43 GMT

#4

At just 5'4" and 130 pounds, Donald "Pee Wee" Gaskins didn't look like a cold-blooded serial killer. But between 1969 and 1975, he brutalized at least eight people including a pregnant mother and her baby. He even kept some of his victims alive for several days as he slowly ate them — and sometimes forced them to join him.⁠

But because his small stature made him appear like less of a threat, Gaskins was able to hide in plain sight. In 1973, he bought himself a hearse and told people at the local bar that he used it to haul the bodies of people he'd killed to the cemetery. The car even featured a sign in the window that read: "We haul anything, living or dead."

40 notes • Posted 2021-01-14 17:46:34 GMT

#3

See the full post

48 notes • Posted 2021-01-03 04:17:45 GMT

#2

See the full post

98 notes • Posted 2021-09-08 15:07:50 GMT

#1

Monster but make it Classy ™

134 notes • Posted 2021-01-16 01:28:54 GMT

Get your Tumblr 2021 Year in Review →

[forerussake]

@catilinas i do have the spotthefy, but this is fun! these were the albums i listened to most in 2021 :) i suspect we have different taste in music, but some of these might be up your alley too (eyeing bottom row middle and right column, and maybe middle row left column?). i could not pick just four, so here is nine instead for the aesthetic™

anyway, left to right, top to bottom:

Stray Kids – NOEASY // ONEUS – Devil // BTS – You never walk alone // Matt Maeson – The Hearse // Bring Me The Horizon – POST HUMAN: SURVIVAL HORROR // Kang Daniel – Yellow // Architects – For those that wish to exist // Noah Kahan – I was / I am // Shawn James – The Dark & The Light