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thesilmarillionblog · 1 month ago

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𝐖𝐀𝐒𝐓𝐄 ── Part 3

Click here to read the first part.

Summary: In the hopes that things would improve between you, you choose to lose your virginity to your friend Dean Winchester because you have been in love with him madly for a long time. However, he doesn't feel the same about you.

Pairing: Dean Winchester x F!Reader

Warnings: Unrequited love, angst, jealousy, tension, language

Word Count: 6043

A/N: English is not my first language.

Song: 'It takes a Lot to Know a Man' by Damien Rice

While it was exhausting in some ways and occasionally involved people who were a little noisy and irate, spending an entire day at the hospital and taking care of patients felt good. It was occasionally unclear which task you had more difficulty with than the other: hunting or nursing. That being said, one of them was a little too dangerous for you.

Your thoughts raced at every word Dean said, hinting that he didn't want you to tear down your bond, as you thought back to the evening he'd spent with Jo while Sam spent his time watching TV. Though he hadn't stated it explicitly, his sharp statements with soft tones made it clear. Although you were happy that he was trying to be respectful and polite, the fact that it hurt so much made his efforts a waste.

Perhaps it would be better for you to listen Sam. Giving new people a chance and meeting them might perhaps heal whatever hurts you on the inside. But when it came down to it, you were a coward for being devoted to someone you never had and never would. Especially when you saw Dean enjoying himself with Jo there in front of your eyes, it didn't even make sense.

As if absolutely nothing happened between you.

It was just too much for you, yet it meant nothing to him. But because you were the one who let everything happen and didn't even inform him that you were a virgin, you had no reason to hold Dean responsible. Nothing at all. However, that was such a burden.

You cleared your mind of thoughts and saw your colleague doing his job while you treated the small girl's hand when she reached you with her nervous mother, who was frequently repeating to her that she had warned her not to play with sharp objects. It wasn't that horrible, but you did your best to soothe her and divert her attention by carefully cleaning her hand.

You informed her mother that there were hundreds of such and even worse incidents in emergency, much like her daughter, after the sharp glass was removed from her arm. You were given the task of stitching, and you began it meticulously and with caution. Sadly, it had to be stitched. Even doing it with adults appeared to be challenging.

She was trying her hardest not to weep when she saw the needle because she felt guilty and ashamed, but you swiftly covered it up and looked at her mother to let her know that she too needed to calm her daughter. Fortunately, she got the message.

I was just wondering what your name is. You haven't told me yet," you inquired, trying to complete your task without drawing attention to your hands.

“Talia,” she sobbed as she turned to face her mother as if she wanted to see if she was still angry with her.

“It's a very lovely name.” You replied, “It's good to meet you, Talia,” and gave her your name. Making sure her kid wasn't gazing at you while you were taking care of her arm, you encouraged her mother to talk to her as well. Not in an angry way, of course.

“It's not very pretty,” she said. Children typically complain about several things.

“Why do you say that, though?”

“It sounds like 'Arya.' I was playing with Aisha when she told me that. I don't even like that name.”

If there was anything positive about kids, it was being prone to share too much. That was really beneficial for handling youngsters during an emergency, though. It would have been better, of course, if they had just been cautious and not gone through at all. It seemed to you that the other girl she was referring to was her closest friend.

“I don't believe so. Their pronouncations are really differently,” you observed. “I has a very beautiful meaning, and it's not a very common name, which is a nice thing. Don't you think so?”

“Yes,” she said after giving it some thought. “Will it hurt?”

“Just a little bit,” you smiled reassuringly at her. “People say my hands are really soft.”

She was unable to conceal her frightened and apprehensive look as you began stitching as her mother went on to remark about how impulsive her daughter might be at times. Additionally, you saw her continuing talking with her daughter about topics that would divert her attention.

She inquired, “Do you have a boyfriend?” with curiosity. She was attempting to cover up the hurt expression on her face so her mother wouldn't say anything further.

“No,” you smiled and stated.

“Why?”

“I'm not sure.” You attempted to respond vaguely in order to get her to stop interrogating you about your nonexistent romantic life. “Adult life is difficult to comprehend when it comes to such matters.”

“Now I'm not interested in growing up. Mine is not difficult.”

You interrupted with, “Good for you,” and carefully cleaned her arm while smiling sincere at her. “It is finished. I told you that my hands were soft, right?”

You felt better as the rest of the day passed, taking care of other patients, listening to them, and doing what you could to help them. It dawned on you that becoming worn out was an effective distraction from troubling thoughts. Making yourself occupied at that moment was definitely the best thing for you because you were going to lose your mind over thinking about Dean constantly, even when you had to pee. Your body was hurting so much that you had no energy left to consider anything but resting.

You were taken aback when one of your closest friends randomly stopped by the hospital where you work right before you were about to leave. You looked him in the eye and saw that, indeed, it was him. You shivered in anticipation as you gazed at him because of the little coolness in the air. Your pulse was pounding with excitement and curiosity as you narrowed your eyes and caught him with such a focused glance that he knew you were the one gazing at him before you could.

In a tone that suggested both shock and joy, you exclaimed, “Robert?” as you approached each other. You could have recognized him sooner, a few minutes earlier, before you left the hospital.

He was your pal from college. Before you left the hospital where you both worked and joined Sam and Dean, you two were extremely close friends. With Rob, everything was simple, and he was a really nice and supportive friend; you would never deny that. But at that point, you couldn't simply bury your desire to go after the family business in addition to your own work, and it was difficult to say no to Dean. He was the one who initially convinced you. After all of your losses, you had also yearned for something different—something that could brighten you up.

During the times you worked together, Rob was a highly professional, talented, and encouraging doctor. Even though there was a hierarchy between you at the hospital, you respected the fact that he never treated you worse than necessary or better than he should have. He was always completely aware of the lines.

But even though you've been in touch with Rob, your connection with him has been weakened since you've spent so much time with Dean and Sam. There's no denying that.

You gave him a huge, tight hug, and he chuckled, “Hey,” as if he wasn't at all shocked to see you. He knew that you were working here after all, but you didn't expect to see him anyway.

Warmly hugging him again, you said, “What are you doing here?”

He winked and added, “I was in the neighborhood,” as you drew back and gave him a suspicious look. “I wanted to see how you were doing.”

Dean attempted to divert his attention throughout the day while he fixed things and cleaned Baby. He became consumed with a sensation of rage and frustration that he just didn't comprehend. He was thinking about the past three weeks nonstop, even if nothing was wrong. Particularly the last night.

After speaking with Jo over the phone about his intention to stop their connection and his lack of interest in pursuing a serious relationship, Dean was pleased that she accepted his request and that she wasn't interested in pursuing it further either, even though she offered him to go hunting. His and her desire to hunt were similar, but Dean didn't comprehend how different they were in fact. He was glad Jo felt the same.

If Dean had cared a little bit more, he may have been ashamed by his obviously poor performance last night, but oddly, he didn't. He felt a lot of burden when he realized that even for a brief while, he fucked Jo thinking about you. Imagining your body under him. It wasn't fair, and he didn't even mean it. He was aware of that.

The worst thing about it was that he enjoyed it and wasn't pleased with it behaving like this. Clearly stating that one night shouldn't be enough to ruin your friendship, he shouldn't reciprocate by fantasizing about fucking you. About filling you with his—Uh. Whatever.

All day, he tried to find a way a way to divert his attention with Baby and all things mechanical. He sometimes purposefully broke things so he could fix them again. But he also couldn't quit thinking about your most recent conversation.

It wasn't the unclear situation between him and Jo that was causing him the strain he thought it was. It didn't ease him at all to cut his links with her so quickly. He was surprised to see that you were encircling him in his thoughts, imprisoning him there.

“You look messy,” Sam said, observing his ripped t-shirt and dirty face.

As he bent over and looked at Sam, he said, “Thanks,” in a dismissive voice, while searching for the right tool for his car.

“You seem to be quite busy today, aren't you?” said Sam to carefully avoid getting his shirt dirty as he gave Dean the right tool in his palm from afar.

“You think? I guess it was a long time since I took care of Baby.”

“Yeah, for around a week. But why in the world are you behaving like a cranky old lady?”

“Sam, don't get started. I mean it.” Dean shot back immediately, suddenly becoming quite defensive. He felt like the irritation was pouring into him again, but he didn't even understand why, which was making him angrier. “I have too much to do as you see.”

“By the way, when did Jo leave? Even though I got up early, I didn't see her.”

“Yeah, she left in the middle of the night.”

Recalling the evening did not soothe his feelings, but Dean responded to Sam, stating to let the fuck him alone as soon as possible. But Sam seemed intent on playing the part of the curious bitch, as if he intended to test Dean's patience to the maximum extent possible.

“After you two had finished, huh? She's an awesome girl, but her loudness..is definetely something else. I'm not trying to say it in a mean way, but for heaven's sake, Dean. If you two have... kinky stuff, it would be best if you spent the night at her place. I bet you two also probably made it difficult for Y/N to fall asleep.”

Dean shot a look at Sam, who was attempting to say something without coming out as weird about Jo or whatever. Sam didn't dislike Jo at all; it wasn't that he despised her. She was a little too cunning and rebellious for Dean's liking. That was a known fact. His brother was sometimes a bitch; that was true, but not that bitchy for sure.

When Sam brought you up in the chat, Dean found it difficult to focus on his work and became disoriented while lying down beneath his car. Sam was trying very hard to get under his skin for sure.

He had become frustrated in some way by the thought that you heard him and Jo. He wasn't trying to get you to hear something or anything. Dean frowned with distaste, picturing you hearing Jo's exaggerated noises. He shouldn't have brought her home to have sex in the first place, but what is done was done. Even it wasn't right. Fuck that.

Dean attempted to lightheartedly remark, “Women have a hard time with staying silent when I'm around, huh,” in an attempt to divert Sam's attention. He attempted to change the subject at hand.

“Have you seen Y/N in the morning?”

“Why are you asking that right now?” Dean grunted and glared at Sam. He suddenly lost control of the tool he was holding and groaned in pain as it landed across his face. “God. Fuck this.”

Puzzled by Dean's odd behavior, Sam put his hands in his pockets in between his complaints. His recent behavior has been peculiar. Sam was hesitant to confront it since he thought it was likely to do with their father and other hunting experiences, but he couldn't help but wonder if he was still angry with you for what happened on the previous hunt.

Sam was appreciative of Dean for constantly watching out for him, taking care of him, and protecting him from harm—even if there were times when it made him feel like a little child. Sam knew that Dean would always be looking out for him, even if he lived fifty years old. Dean has always been overly protective, and he always will be. However, there were times he was being too much.

“Have you?” Dean was curious and asked. Remembering your swollen eyes, he wondered if you were okay. It didn't appear like you got much sleep.

Sam said, “Yeah,” while keeping his hands in his pockets and observing Dean's struggling with Baby. “She seemed pretty bad though.”

“Why do you say that?” Despite his best efforts to appear indifferent and normal, Dean's tone betrayed him. There was absolutely no stopping it. He was wondering if he was treating you too harshly these days. Neither Dean nor you were ever good at expressing yourself clearly.

“I'm not sure. She was quite exhausted, and her eyes appeared to be red, but I'm not sure. Her having to work and hunt at the same time must be challenging.” Sam thought you were pushing yourself a little too hard since he got to know you; however, he wasn't sure if it was just weariness or something more. He was impressed by your ambition and couldn't help but feel respect and appreciation for you.

“Maybe,” Dean interrupted, reminiscing on the way you looked the previous night. You looked so worn out, but he was too preoccupied with the talk to notice. Even though he wasn't sure whether he would believe it himself, he would prefer to pretend that you were just dizzy or sleepy. He would have said that you had sobbed uncontrollably all night, but he quickly brushed this idea from his mind as a sensation of uneasiness overcame him. “She must be tired.”

“Did you apologize to her?”

“For what”

Sam kept rolling his eyes at Dean because he was becoming a little irritated with the way he was acting. He would claim that throughout the previous two or three weeks, something inside of him had altered.

“For acting like a grumpy old bitch,” Sam shot back.

Dean kept it short, refusing to elaborate on what had happened the night before. “We talked it out,” he said. “She'll start being more watchful now. By the way, is your arm okay?”

Sam kneeled down and attempted to look into Dean's face in an effort to start a meaningful conversation, realizing that Dean was unwilling to acknowledge that his reaction was wrong.

Sam remarked, “It's been a year since she joined us, and she's far too helpful and too kind for how you reacted there," dismissing his inquiry over his arm. Though I'm grateful for your concern, it's wrong. You need to be a little softer and gentler.”

“Do you think I don't know that?” After switching out the tool, Dean gave Sam a stern look.

“No.”

Sam grumbled in frustration, acknowledging that it would be impossible to alter Dean's perspective. “It wasn't very kind to tell someone that you have only one left to care about when they don't even have one.”

For a brief period, Dean's hands paused, and regret overcame his mind. He couldn't recall the exact moment those piercing words, as if he intended to intentionally harm you, came out of his mouth. It was never his intention to do so. Gradually, Dean's hands slowed, and he stood up, recalling that you were the only member of your family still living. For a moment, he stopped being interested in everything.

“Now you know what you must apologize for, huh?” With a broken smile, Sam remarked. At least Dean wasn't so rigid, which relieved him. “Do you know when her shift ends?”

Dean murmured, “Yeah, I guess,” in a tone that was more controlled and calm.

“You need to fix this; I'm serious. Give her a call, and bring her over for tonight. Having a dinner together might be a wonderful place to begin, and she'll be too exhausted anyway.”

“Don't tell me what to do.” Dean hurriedly walked by Sam, messing his hair to annoy him. He returned inside from the garage, determined not to engage in any further discourse.

After a quick shower, Dean changed into new clothing and stood in front of the mirror, making adjustments with his hair until he was satisfied with the way he looked. He bit his lip anxiously and walked the room for a little while, considering calling you, but then decided to come get you because he knew you would be finished with work in an hour. It would be better to give you a call on the way. On the drive back home, it may be somewhat more appropriate for conversation. Driving back after so many hours at work would exhaust you too much. Besides, it was becoming late. Perhaps you might even consider eating in a restaurant.

“But why didn't you inform me about your arrival? You could have called me,” you wondered, your mouth making into a smile. It surprised you too much to see him so abruptly, even though you knew he would let you know if there was another time.

Unexpectedly, he replied, “I actually did it on purpose.” You waited for him to continue. “I thought, surprising you about that, I'm going to work here from now on, and seeing that face of yours would be worth it.”

“Oh my god,” you said, displaying greater excitement than you had expected.

“You can't be serious.”

“I am pretty serious actually.”

When your phone began to ring, you apologized and continued to ignore Dean's calls. Rob then informed you that he had chosen to relocate after his father passed away, and you had attended his funeral around a month prior. You assumed that it must have caused some sort of trauma, but you didn't pursue the matter further since you didn't want to reopen old wounds.

You inquired excitedly, “Do you want to come over? I could make you some food so we can have an actual conversation instead of chatting under that weather. You know, it's kind of cold, and I'm sort of tired as hell,” you joked, hoping he would take you up on your offer. It has suddenly occurred to you that you have been missing your friend, an old friend you haven't fallen in love with despite knowing for years.

Dean eventually lost patience with you and, making an annoyed sound, placed his phone back in his pocket. He thought about giving you another call right after he parked and got out of his car, but if his eyes weren't playing tricks on him, you were speaking with a man. He could tell that you had ignored his calls since you were having a heated chat that briefly made him stiff. If he didn't see you giggling and even giving him a firm hug, which caused his body to tense up for a brief moment, he would say it was simply small talk.

Dean wasn't sure if being ignored was the cause of his growing ire. Since his rage had been driving him insane since the morning, he put the blame on his lack of patience. His pride was hurt by your disregard for him as well.

With a sidelong glance at the man you were speaking with, Dean saw his rage flare up. Not feeling calm since the morning was tiring though. The man had a prideful appearance yet exuded a sense of confidence. From a distance, he could express that enough.

His body stiffened for a moment, indicating that the conversation was... intense. So that was the reason that you ignored him for that long.

Dean moved fast but calmly to avoid making a scene, attempting to maintain his composure despite his mind racing with thoughts. As he walked to each of you, he considered lying about his work. Maybe he would pretend to be a doctor in order to create a good impression, or he would claim to be working for the CIA or FBI in order to make dirty jokes about you and him. He would decide that soon enough.

You whispered, “Dean?” in shock as he unexpectedly appeared at your side. It was unusual for him to show up, especially considering how distant you two were in the last couple of days. He glanced in your direction, but then his gaze shifted to Robert.

Dean glanced at you and added, “I've been calling you for some time.” It was a little judgmental, which bothered you.

Robert stared at you both bewildered, and you lied to him, “I wasn't aware,” but he didn't interject. Awkwardness suddenly filled the air. Three of you were waiting on foot as the chilly weather grew more intense. It was a really uncomfortable moment.

As Robert extended his hand for a formal introduction, Dean said, “Can't imagine why,” while concentrating his entire attention on him. Dean talked first: “Dean Winchester.”

Robert also introduced himself quite sweetly and kindly. He was typically really polite and mindful. You hoped Dean wasn't feeling like making uncomfortable remarks or embarrassing you in any way. He wasn't a reckless person, but when he wasn't in the mood, you just didn't know whether he knew the lines.

Robert gave you a long stare when they finally got to meet, but he remained silent. Rather, he said, “So are you two friends or?”

“Yeah, very close,” Dean said immediately. Robert only nodded to him. “How do you know each other?”

“Well, I'm a doctor.” Robert said, giving you a real, heartfelt smile that warmed your heart, “We've known each other for a long time and worked in the same hospital for quite a long time from my perspective since I'm always on the move. She’s a very good nurse, very talented.” When someone you looked up to complimented you, your heart skipped a beat. These days, it's difficult to find someone who values your effort.

You tensed up for a moment when Dean responded, “I know,” in a proud voice and with a sly smile. When he saw Robert smiling broadly at you, he was powerless to stop himself. Licking his lips, he added, “She has very soft hands indeed and definitely knows how to use them.”

Though Dean had no intention of making any inappropriate remarks, his patience with the man in front of him was getting thinner by the moment as he kept looking at you while he talked. Dean felt like he was getting in the mood when he observed Robert's face change. With a confused expression on his face, he seemed to be trying to figure out whether Dean meant it literally or if it was a metaphor or something.

You gave Dean a glare, but you remained silent despite your cheeks turning red from his unexpected and dirty statement. You were shocked that he chose to act this way in order to make you feel uncomfortable in front of your friend. You didn't mind when he made similar jokes when there was just you and him; nonetheless, you felt embarrassed acting in this way in front of Robert. You weren't sure of Dean's actual intentions.

You choose to cut it off in order to release some tension. “Robb, would you like to have an actual conversation with me later, or simply come over? Of course, if you have the time.”

Dean gave you and Robert a bitter look as he realized how fast and recklessly you had welcomed a man to your house at that hour. He knew you well enough to know that you weren't someone who liked to greet guests at your place with such ease. It didn't matter how hard you tried to disguise your trust concerns; you had trust issues. You were so at ease and full of energy around that man that he wondered how close you must have been to him. Dean closed his eyes for a while, pushing the terrible pictures from his mind as he considered the scenarios involving you and him.

“Actually, I came here at that hour to visit with a different friend before spending the night with my aunt. Can we have a call for tomorrow to set up a suitable time?” Robb remarked very politely, “I guess your friend came here to pick you up,” glancing at Dean as if he required clarification from both of you.

You went to offer him a hug by saying, “Of course. I'm so glad to see you again.”

His hands massaged your back as he gave you an even closer embrace, kissing you briefly on the top of the head and telling you to take care of yourself. He promised to text you as soon as he had some spare time.

Dean gazed at you and him confused as he saw you two embrace like lovers who had met years later. He questioned whether the man's irritating conduct was intended for annoying him. He was curious as to how and when you two first connected, as well as why, given that you spent the entire year with Sam and him, you would still be so close to someone a year later. Although Dean was aware that you remained in contact with your pals, he was unaware of how close you were to one of them.

Dean was ready to say something, but he instantly changed his mind and was waiting for you to end the hug. He kind of wanted to break Robert's face and hands when he touched your back. Dean wondered when he'd felt you give him such a yearning hug. Most likely never. Considering all the times he had saved your ass, you were ungrateful. Later, he would speak about this.

Dean turned to face you shortly after Robb departed and said, “I've called you many times.”

You apologized as he gave you a strange look. You had no idea why you sounded so aloof and cold. “I haven't seen him in a very long time. He's one of my closest friends.”

You questioned, “Why are you here?” before he continued.”Has anything happened?”

“Not at all. I arrived here to pick you up.”

“But my car-”

“I will drive you to work tomorrow, alright?” Dean watched as you began to tremble in the chilly weather. As Sam mentioned, you looked pretty tired.

Dean felt his heart melt and sigh as he saw you shiver from the cold and appear exhausted. Even though he didn't mean to come across as so crude and distant, there was still an uneasiness between you that seemed impossible to get past.

“Fine.”

You continued to shake as you got in the car. You knew you were starving yourself to death when you heard the loud sound coming from your stomach. You had hardly had time for an adequate meal because you were so busy with work.

“You need to have dressed properly.” Dean softly remarked, “It's cold outside these days,” observing your attempts to sooth yourself by lightly massaging your bare arms.

You said in a whisper, “Yeah,” while Dean pressed a button to warm the car up.

Your muscles gradually relaxed, and you began to feel much better as Dean drove. He turned his head to face you, giving you a little, pleased look after he heard your little satisfied sound. He liked it so much. “Relaxed now?”

Giving a quick nod to him, you muttered with a hint of gratitude in your voice. “Uhm, yes. Thanks.”

Dean said, “So,” his gaze glued to the dimly illuminated road. “How long are you friends? You and him. You appeared to be really at ease with that guy.”

“I think for four or five years. I find him to be a really caring and compassionate friend. I hadn't seen him in a very long time, so it was a surprise to see him, as he didn't give me a call in the first place.”

You were taken aback by Dean's attempts to have a polite, regular discussion with you. Your pulse beat with excitement and anticipation since it had been a long time since you had spoken to him in that way. All you wanted was for things to be normal between you two again. You might get by with less and normal if you are unable to have more.

Prior to Dean addressing Robert and your friendship, you said, “Baby looks and smells amazing today. Have you just given her a wash?”

“She's a good girl all the time,” he remarked, chuckling. His hands around the steering wheel were more tightly now. “She needed to be clean and nice.”

You eagerly questioned, “Why did you come, by the way?” as the minutes ticked by in quiet. You wanted to make it seem like nothing occurred between you as well, and now it looked like a good moment to sort out things between you and him.

“I decided to pick you up to avoid an accident after Sam warned me that you looked terrible. Are you hungry?” Dean wouldn't say 'no' to a pie right now.

“Actually, I'm starving,” you answered, sidestepping the comment Dean made regarding your appearance. You bet you did.

“Alright.” Dean glanced at you and said, “I know a good restaurant,” in a rough voice, clearing his throat.

Stating, “To be honest, I'm exhausted.” in a sorry tone, you waited for him to offer something else. You instantaneously forced the never-to-come-true visions away from your thoughts, even though you really wanted to go on a date with him. It wouldn't be a date, but it would be a nice moment. However, it would only get your situation worse.

“You wasted the opportunity. After that, you're going to eat anything Sammy orders.”

You smiled and responded, “I'm okay with that,” but you couldn't help but worr if Jo was still there.

Your face sank unintentionally, remembering the noises she'd made with Dean last night and how he'd been distant when you two chatted. You didn't want Dean and Jo's relationship to fail if it would harm Dean in any way, but you were unable to give up and were hoping that she wouldn't be around for tonight at the very least. Undoubtedly, your body was worn out, but your heart was spent beyond comprehension.

Dean occasionally glanced at you, and thoughts of you and Robert were constantly racing through his head. He was thinking a lot of things at once—things that would make him see red, things that would make him angry, and things that would make Dean want to punch Robert in the face.

“Have you slept with him?” unexpectedly Dean asked in a stern voice that made you stiffen in hurt and disgust.

Though he didn't want to sound so harsh and judgmental, Dean couldn't resist posing the question. He had to know the answer, even if he had no idea why.

You said, “What?” your heart thumping with pain. You never wanted to tell Dean that he was your one and only and how much you gave of yourself to him that night. “How could you ask such a question?”

Dean said, “It's a simple question,” as if he were defending himself. His attitude altered upon witnessing your expression transform to one of disappointment and rage. He wasn't sure if it was really necessary to get the answer. “Did you get fucked by him?”

You responded angrily, “He's my friend,” yet both of you stiffened at the words. Your body was filled with shame, and your heart ached from the burden. All you needed was Dean making no mention of wanting to cause you more damage. Wasn't it enough?

He said, “I am your friend too,” which made you tense up in your seat. “But things happen.”

You told him sternly, “You're being too much,” while doing your best not to seem pathetic or reveal how upset you were. “I can't believe you.”

“Why are you not answering the question?” Again, he lost his temper. Dean noticed that his tolerance was wearing thin and that the pictures that were filling his mind were not helping the situation. He was aware that he shouldn't have said those things, but whatever. Fuck that. He wanted to know. He needed to know.

You snapped, “Of course not, Dean!” as a wave of rage overcame you. You wished he would have remained silent the entire way. Both of you should have stayed quiet.

Dean fought himself not to exhale in relief as a sensation of ease exploded in his heart. He didn't understand the significance of your connection with Robert or if it mattered if he really fucked you. However, the very idea was plenty to irritate him. You deserved better than this haughty, dumb man. It was such a simple question. That was it.

You didn't ask Dean whether he loved wounding your heart these days or why he was acting like an asshole. It pained your heart to see his suspicious look, even if you had no intention of telling him that he was your first to not ruin whatever you had from the beginning. If you told him the truth, you weren't sure how he would react. But knowing that he was still distant from you, you were unable to find the trust that you needed. You had no idea how he would react.

You said, “I want to go home,” in an icy tone, though you didn't actually mean it. You desired more time to be with him. It hurt so much to not be around him. Your eyes welled with tears, but you forced them back as your need for him reminded you of how pathetic you truly were to him.

He had an innate ability of ruining a nice moment just when you thought everything was going well. You realized that in order to stop him from hurting you, you needed to find a method to physically separate from him rather than cling to him. If nothing else, perhaps you could convey to him the meaning of his behavior and how easily his sharp words hurt you. Maybe someday.

“We're already-”

But you soon interrupted, saying, “My home.”

When he proposed that you have dinner at a restaurant, you should have accepted. Maybe you would chat about things that could break the ice between you, or even better, maybe you would find a way to bring up the young girl you took care of and her thoughts about love. Maybe he would act a little differently, acting more kind and cheerful rather than staring at you with rage. If only you had known which way to go to win him over, so much may have been different.

Next Chapter

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A/N: Please, let me know what you think about this one. I hope you like it. Comments and reblogs are very appreciated! They keep me going. ^^

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thelov3lybookworm · 15 days ago

Text

Love's Bullshit.

Summary: maybe love wasnt bullshit after all.

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Word Count: 5225

Warnings: a tinyyy tiny bit of angst, pining, unrequited feeling but requited in the end, sad rhysie poo healing but we dont really get into that. uh i think thats it? let me knowif theres more i need to add <3

A/n: let me tell yall, when i wrote this i think i had watched some pasta videos and helped my mum clean up some green veggies lmaoo, so Y/n's thoughts are just me yapping lol.

rhys would be happy i finally wrote something fluffy for him lmao

I LOVED WRITING TIS SM OML I HOPE YALL LOVE READING IT AKFJHDFH

(im sorry im back to my p.s bs again cus thank you to my wifey for, again, helping me plan this fic out and also this fic is again based on an indian song 😭)

anyways, enjoyyy🥹🤭

°•°•°•○🌑○•°•°•°

It had almost become a ritual, standing around the coffee machine and waiting to grab the two cups of coffee.

It was a ritual, stalking back to the office with two cups of steaming coffee in her hand.

It was a ritual, trying her best not to blush when her boss smiled at her, his fingers brushing hers as he took his black coffee from her hands, a soft thank you slipping past his lips, his attention already focused on the screen of his laptop.

Y/n did not know how she hadn’t yet told him she loved him, but whatever force held those words captive in her chest, she thanked it every day.

Today was no different as she made her way into the elevator, nodding to the others who filed in after her with a small smile. Silence filled her ears, only broken by the ding of the elevator doors as it opened to let a couple of employees out onto the second floor. Y/n leaned back, sighing as the doors dragged close again, her head resting against the shiny metal as her eyes fixed themselves on the little panel above the door.

10.

13.

15.

25.

Ding.

Y/n walked out, subconsciously searching for that familiar figure of her boss. The final floor of the building had been turned into a huge office for the CEO and the owner and his two best friends who helped manage the place, so it was not hard to find him, standing hunched over the huge mahogany desk as he scribbled something in a file.

She moved forward, lips stretching to accommodate the smile that spread on her lips without permission.

"Good evening, sir."

His head rose, the black rimmed glasses perched on his nose caching in the light. "Good evening, Y/n." His violet eyes tracked her movements, an easy smile on that full mouth.

He turned around the moment she set his coffee on his desk, attention already flitting away to focus on more important things.

It irritated Y/n to no end that he would not even try to talk to her- or anyone, really- unless it was related to work.

"Uh, have a good day, sir."

He nodded, and Y/n took that as her que to leave. She walked towards the desk that Y/n occupied. Being the CEO’s secretary, he wanted her close by in case he needed anything. Thankfully, the two managers were too busy with their own work to look at the blush that covered Y/n.

Time flew by as she settled down again, forcing herself to stop thinking about how those eyes would shine from up close, and started typing away in her laptop, her surroundings fading into nothing.

The next time Y/n stood to stretch her back, it was already dark outside the huge glass walls, and she leaned back, her back curving before it finally popped. The other two men that worked on the top floor, Cassian and Azriel, had already left half an hour ago, after bidding Y/n and Rhysand goodbye.

Relieved breath escaping her lips, she turned to find herself alone with Rhysand, who now sat with his back straight. So straight that Y/n was concerned that it would hurt him.

Something was wrong.

Before she could inquire, the elevator doors slid open, and the loud clicking of stilettos filled the silent atmosphere.

She’s beautiful.

That was Y/n’s first thought.

Long, straight light brown hair, almost bordering blond, the woman stalked straight up to the rich dark wooden desk, ire blazing in her eyes, anger seeping from every pore in her body.

Y/n should have left, she knew she should have.

But she didn’t, even knowing she would regret not leaving when everything seemed fine.

Rhys, eyes wide, stumbled to his feet.

Y/n had never seen that man ever stumble.

"Did I not tell you to stay away from me?"

His mouth parted, and Y/n watched with bated breath to see what would happen.

"Hello to you too, Feyre d-"

"Call off your stalker."

Fingers of ice skated down Y/n’s spine. Stalker?

His eyes hardened, jaw clenched. "He isn’t a stalker."

The woman let out an incredulous laugh. "Oh? Then what is he?"

"He’s there to protect you-"

"And what is he protecting me from? The trees in my backyard?"

Y/n swallowed, eyes flitting away. The elevator was near her, but it would draw attention. But it was definitely better than standing and watching the two like a creep.

"Feyre…" It was dark, but Y/n knew that Rhys glanced at her frozen form. "Let’s talk somewhere else, please. You’re making a scene-"

"No. I’m not going anywhere with you."

He released a frustrated breath, and Y/n finally got herself moving.

She grabbed her purse and hurried towards the elevator, hoping he did not think that she was judging him. Even as hard as she tried to be quiet, her heels clicked, and she froze, panic seizing every muscle in her body as she felt his eyes on her.

Swallowing, she hit the button on the silver panel, and the doors slid open, thankfully revealing that the elevator was still on their floor. As soon as she walked in, she hit the button to close the doors continuously, then pressed the button to the ground floor.

Idly she watched herself in the glass in the back of the elevator, her eyes travelling over her own figure.

Hmm. Pretty, but not as much as that lady.

It was clear that Rhys and she had something together. If not now, then before. And with the way Rhysand’s eyes had lit up with love but also sadness, she knew it was romantic.

Eh. Never really stood a chance anyway.

The elevator finally stopped moving, and Y/n walked out to greet a few lingering employees, who smiled and nodded at her. She smiled too, her mind already wandering to what she would eat for dinner. Maybe she could just get takeout-

She couldn’t.

Ugh.

She groaned as she remembered that her car had broken down the day before, and she’d had it towed to a mechanic shop, who had taken one look at the old, run down vehicle and said it would take them at the very least one week to fix.

Uber it is.

As she walked towards the exit, Y/n shoved her hand into her purse to grab her phone, but everything that came into her hand was not in the shape of that specific piece of rectangle.

Please. I don’t want to go up there again.

Pausing a few feet away from the automatic sliding doors, she peered into the little black purse, and sure enough, she could not see her phone.

Great. Just what I needed.

It didn’t have to be a big deal, Y/n told herself. She would just run up through the stairs, quietly grab her phone and leave.

Sure, you’ve got the energy and bones to run up twenty five floors.

Maybe she could just ask someone else to order a cab for her and she could just take her phone tomorrow-

It was Saturday tomorrow. No office.

Sighing, Y/n turned back, only to find the elevator doors opening and the same clicking of stilettos that had heralded the arrival of that pretty lady. And sure enough, when Y/n looked up from her purse while still cursing her own existence, the woman was walking towards her.

Y/n watched in awe as she stalked past her and out the automatic doors without sparing the countless onlookers a single glance, as if they all were a mere insect and she the god.

If Y/n was being honest, she envied her confidence while also respecting her for it. Y/n could only wish she was that good at being self assured to not trip and faceplant in front of everyone.

Y/n watched till the lady got into the back of a shiny white Audi and drove away, and only then did Y/n remember why she was still in the building.

She hurried into the elevator, her impatience mounting everytime it stopped on different floors for people to get on and off, but by the time she reached the top floor, she was all alone in that metal box. Her heart beating in her throat, she tried to walk as quietly to her desk as she could and snatched off the little device that lay beside her office laptop.

"Y/n?"

She had just turned around to sneak back to the elevator, trying not to look at the silhouette of her boss who stood gazing outside the floor to ceiling glass windows when he called. The low timbre of his voice made her freeze midstep, then glance at him as she brought her lifted leg to rest next to her other one.

"Yes, sir?"

He said nothing for a moment, and Y/n looked around, unsure of what to do. Just as her eyes came to rest on the elevator, it left to go down.

Y/n eyed the metal doors with disappointment when Rhysand asked her to come stand next to him.

She obeyed quietly, the only sound in the silent office that of her of her heels clicking on the marble floors.

He remained quiet when she stopped next to him, his dark blue eyes that bordered on looking like violet under a certain angle of light fixed on the glittering city beneath. Y/n too turned to gaze out of the huge windows when he refused to let his attention move.

It was beautiful, the city. Tall buildings lit up with lights on the inside, their glass reflecting light coming off of large billboards, the red and white lights from cars speeding by blurring together in a beautiful scenery of night, complemented by the full moon that hung amidst a sea of stars.

"It’s beautiful, isn’t it?"

Y/n blinked, coming out of her reverie and taking note of her surroundings again before replying. "Yeah, it is."

He sighed after a moment, glancing at her. "Have you ever been in love, Y/n? Do you believe in it?"

Y/n glanced at him, taken aback by his question.

"I- I guess so. I am currently in love, if it matters."

He nodded, his lips tilted up slightly at the corners.

"Does he know?"

"He… no. And I don’t think I will tell him." A pause, then- "what about you? Do you believe in it?"

"No. Not anymore. It’s bullshit and all it does is hurt people."

"Oh…" Y/n mumbled, not knowing how to respond to that.

He glanced at her uncertainly, then dropped the topic.

"You must have questions."

Y/n met his eyes that glittered like sapphires in the darkened office, then shook her head. "I don’t think I should have questions, and even if I did, I won’t ask them. You have a right to keep your private life private."

He nodded, his eyes unwavering. Y/n could not for the life of her figure out what he was thinking, so instead she focused on her own faint reflection on his black rimmed glasses.

Is there something in my teeth?

He took in a deep breath, looking away.

Nah, there’s nothing. Thank god.

"What did you come back for?"

Y/n blinked, then perked up. "Oh, my phone." She lifted the thing and waved it. "I thought I’d leave it and collect it on Monday, but then I had to order a cab, so-"

"Cab? Why? What happened to your car?"

"Ah, it broke down yesterday. It’s at the mechanic’s. It will take at the very least a week to get fixed, so." She shrugged.

"Well, if that’s the case, let me drop you off."

Y/n’s eyes widened, and she shook her head as if trying to dislodge his offer. "No, sir, please. I can go by myself-"

"Never said you couldn’t." he mumbled, a hint of a smile on his face as he began collecting his phone and keys from the drawer under his desk, rummaging around for whatever it was he needed before straightening.

"Sir-"

"Come."

With that, he began stalking to the elevator, leaving Y/n no choice but to hurry after him.

He ignored all her protests and didn’t even let her get off on the ground floor when she decided that she was going to get a cab nonetheless, and grabbed her hand to force her to stay still.

Of course, the moment his skin touched hers, she froze and then quietly followed him to his black Mercedes in the underground parking.

The ride to her home was mostly silent, the quiet only broken by his deep voice asking for directions and her mumbling when to turn.

If Y/n was being honest, she did not know what to do with herself. She was in a car with her boss who she was in love with, the one who she’d just witnessed get accused of stalking his lover- ex?- and then he was ready to answer her questions about his private life and-

She knew her mind was going into overdrive.

Calm down. He'd think I’m a weirdo.

And him thinking she was a weirdo will just not do-

He probably already thinks I am a weirdo.

Y/n sighed quietly, then told him to stop under the apartment her parents had left her. It was one of the finer things in her life.

"Thank you for dropping me off sir, you really didn’t have to do that." With that and a word of goodbye from Rhysand, Y/n turned to step out of the luxurious vehicle, then stopped.

She did not have time to debate whether offering him to follow her would be a good idea because the damning words were already spilling out of her lips.

"Would you like to stay for dinner sir? Let me cook you something as a thank you."

He smiled, then nodded and asked her where he could park. She directed him to her usual parking spot because her car was not occupying the space.

She cooked her special pasta that night. It was something that her friends always begged her to make whenever they were over and it was also very easy and quick to throw together.

The two of them made friendly conversation throughout the time he stayed over, with the night ending with Rhys asking her to be a part of their friend group that included him, Azriel, Cassian and Rhysand’s cousin.

As surprising as it was, Y/n shyly agreed, considering she hated socialising as much as she hated mushy vegetables.

"Perfect." Rhysand grinned as he stood at the door, ready to leave. "I’ll text you the address for the dinner next week. I can’t wait for you to be a part of us."

With that, he left Y/n to herself and her thoughts.

That night, she fell asleep thinking about Rhysand.

She knew she could never have him romantically, and that was okay.

As long as she became friends with him, it was all that mattered.

°•°•°•○🌑○•°•°•°

Y/n stood, watching the horizon twinkle with golden lights and hints of colour, their reflection in the river between hypnotising.

In the past months, Y/n had gotten closer to Rhys and his friends. They almost were the family she never had, the sibling-like bond they shared cherished beyond expectations.

Somewhere along the two months, Y/n had stopped focusing too much on how much she wanted to be with Rhysand, and yet, she knew she began to fall for him even more than she already had. Worse still, she now had more time to focus on all his little habits and quirks now that she hung out with him outside of office hours.

"Y/n. I think you need to get over whoever that asshole is, you know."

Y/n blinked, turning to face Rhys as he came to stand against the railing next to her.

"What?"

"You know, it’s been a long time since you told me about him. And if you’re still not dating, then I think you need to either tell him or forget him."

Y/n sighed. "It’s not that I don’t want to tell him. I know he would never love me back."

He nodded solemnly. "You said it yourself then. He would never love you. You might as well find someone new to love."

When Y/n rolled her eyes and turned back to stare into the dark waters, he tried again. "At least tell me who this love interest of yours is. Maybe I can knock some sense into him- or her, if you’re into that. I’m tired of seeing you be painfully single."

Y/n shook her head with a rueful smile, wondering what his reaction would be if she actually told him who this ‘love interest’ was.

Since Rhys had asked Y/n to be a part of the friend group, he had managed to get out a confession from Y/n about this ‘mysterious daddy of yours’. His own words, not hers.

He would try to find out who this guy was, he was adamant even, but every time Y/n would manage to escape without revealing who she was head over heels for. She had a relationship with Rhysand that was very precious to her, and she was not interested in jeopardising that.

It was better to just go on a date if it meant he would stop trying to get her to confess.

"Alright. I’ll go on a date."

Y/n could see him perk up. "Really? Let’s find you a guy. It will be so fun."

Y/n offered him a smile before he slipped away, then let the smile drop.

Having grown up without a real friend due to her social anxiety, Y/n cherished the friendship she and Rhys shared.

Initially, she had thought that becoming friends with him would be the best thing to ever happen to her. And it was, but it was also one of the most hurtful things she had gone through.

Being able to talk to him whenever she wanted to, being able to do everything she had ever wanted to do with him, yet not being able to love him the way she truly wanted was a curse in itself.

Sighing, Y/n told herself to stop thinking too much and walked away.

The next two days went by uneventfully, but then the third day, of course, Rhysand had to disrupt Y/n’s peace as she tapped away on her laptop, Cassian hot on his heels.

Those grins on their faces never meant good.

She raised a brow at them, eyeing Cass as he climbed on her table and settled down, pushing away the files in his way.

"Can I help you?"

"Yes, actually." Cass giggled before a word could escape Rhys’s mouth. Rhysand brows rose. "What do you think I should do for Nesta on her birthday?"

Y/n blinked, then leaned back in her seat, scratching her head. "Hmm. She likes to read, right? There’s a new book store that opened recently, it's very big and beautiful. She would love to go there. Make a day out of it. Take her there, then maybe a coffee date and movies-"

Rhys cleared his throat with a pointed glare at a very serious Cassian, who nodded at every word out of Y/n’s mouth and pulled out his phone to note down what to do. "We were here for another thing. Remember?"

Cassia grinned sheepishly and nodded, putting away his phone.

Rhys turned back to Y/n then. "You know, I recently got in contact with an old acquaintance from college." Y/n waited for him to drop the bomb on her, because there was no way he looked so serious just because he wanted to tell her that.

"I set you up on a date with him."

Y/n was rendered speechless. She did not know what to do, what to think. It was like even her mind had stopped working.

Just amazing. This is perfect. The man I love is acting like a wingman. What more could I have asked for?

When she remained silent, Cass and Rhys exchanged an uncertain glance.

"Uh, he’s well off, he’s good looking. He drives a BMW I believe, and-"

"Hmm. Just let me know the time and address."

Rhys blinked at Y/n, surely taken aback by the lack of emotion in her monotone voice. "I- okay yeah but-"

Just then, her phone rang. It was the receptionist. Y/n smiled, thanking every being she could think of for this distraction. She had plans of lunch with the girl who was like a friend too, and so it gave her the perfect escape.

But as she excused herself and all three friends went their separate ways, she could not help but feel someone's gaze on her. And sure enough, as she turned after entering the elevator, she found Rhys studying her, his gaze intense as it met hers.

But the eye contact was cut short as the doors slid closed, and Y/n sighed, blinking away the prickling in her eyes.

°•°•°•○🌑○•°•°•°

She did not want to get dressed, but she also did want Rhys to stop bothering her about her love life, and so she had pulled out her favourite dress from the back of her closet and put it on after taking a shower.

She had just finished putting on some mascara and blush when the doorbell rang, and Y/n paused, staring at herself for a moment before deeming that enough makeup and standing, making her way out of her room. Surprisingly, at her door stood a grinning Rhys.

Y/n was taken aback. He hadn’t informed her of his arrival.

"Hey Rhys, what are you doing here?"

"Why? Are you not happy to see me?"

Y/n rolled her eyes, turning away to go to the kitchen, leaving him to close the door.

She grabbed a glass and filled it with water, then handed it to him when he followed her into the kitchen. She then turned and leaned against the counter, crossing her arms across her chest.

"So. What brings you here?"

He put away the glass after drinking half of the liquid inside, raising his eyebrows playfully.

"What, I can’t come to see my friend without a reason?"

Y/n just watched him, not buying his lies. When he refused to speak more, she sighed. "Rhys, we both know I am not believing the shit you’re spewing right now, so just tell me why you’re here."

He exhaled, leaning his hip against the counter opposite Y/n. "I just wanted to check up on you. You didn’t seem too excited to go on this date."

Y/n unfolded her arms, looking away from his concerned gaze perusing her form. "How can I be happy about going on a date with someone who’s not the man I love?"

"Then tell me who he is Y/n, I could set you up on a date with him." Gone was the friendly warmth he usually talked to her with.

"I can’t Rhysand."

"Why not?!"

"I just- I just can’t, okay? And anyways, I’m trying to move on."

"Who is he?"

"Maybe today I will go meet that friend of yours-"

"Who is he?"

"-and fall in love and I’ll forget him-"

"Tell me who he is-"

"I can’t."

"Why not?"

"You want to know who he is that badly? It’s you, Rhys! It’s you."

His eyes widened, his lips parting as he stared at her. "You- what?"

Y/n refused to look away from him, cursing herself for shedding that one traitorous tear. But then she turned away. "I’m running late. He must be waiting for me."

With that, she walked out the door, ignoring his calls of her name.

Love really was bullshit. It just hurts people.

°•°•°•○🌑○•°•°•°

The two hours she spent with George- Greg? Gregory?- went by too fast. She did not even remember what he said. She could not stop thinking about Rhys and how she had confessed to him before coming to meet with the homo sapien in front of her.

He wanted to talk about himself, which Y/n did not mind one bit because she could not for the life of her listen. He was happy to yap and did not realise Y/n was zoned out the whole time he sang praises of himself, and was all too happy when Y/n paid for herself and then bid him goodbye, his eyes already fixed on a blonde across the restaurant.

Y/n did not want to go home yet, not knowing whether he left or not, so she decided to go sit at a beach near her home. It was empty at this time, most people either at home or out partying. It was a Saturday night after all.

Y/n felt like she had control over nothing. Since the day prior, all she could think of was how she wished she was prettier and had a chance to be with Rhys. She loved herself and her appearance, of course, but she could admit, she was nothing compared to that lady who had stormed into the office that day, telling Rhys to call off the stalker.

Y/n had never had any hope from the beginning. She had known that her feelings could not be anything but a crush, even if she wanted them to be more. Rhys was simply too good for her, and she was not above accepting that. She might have been delusional, but she wasn’t delusional enough to think he could ever return her feelings.

"I was waiting for you."

Y/n froze, suddenly aware of the sand grains between her toes, her heels discarded next to her, knees pulled up to her chest.

She did not respond, simply because she did not know how to. Now that she had been pulled out of her thoughts, she could hear him walking towards her, his steps cushioned by the shifting sand.

She decided to focus on the wind in her hair, on the soft, soothing melody of the water.

He settled down next to her, and she could not help but notice that he sat a little too close to be casual and friendly.

He said nothing for a long moment, and Y/n decided that in this moment, she could pretend to be his. She could pretend that he was hers and that they were madly in love. That he did not track her down here somehow and that the two of them were simply having a date night out.

"Her name is Feyre."

Y/n glanced at him from the corner of her eyes, unsure what he was talking about.

"She’s Nesta’s sister. That was how Nesta met Cassian, to be honest. She and I had been dating since we were in college."

It clicked for Y/n then, who he was talking about.

Tall, pretty, gorgeous hair and eyes. On top of that, a pretty name too? A jackpot, honestly.

As soon as that thought occurred to her, Y/n willed herself to stop thinking and just listen to the storytime by grandma Rhys.

Grandma Rhys??

All that was left was a rocking chair and some knitting needles and yarn.

He’d rock that fit too.

"She and Nesta… they grew up in conditions that were less than livable. Their father had lost his business and traumatised by the losses, he started staying home. Feyre had to work to keep the family going. She got to go to college because of scholarships."

Instantly, Y/n wished she could just give the lady a hug. But instead, she laid her head on her raised knees, turning her head to watch Rhys as he spoke.

"I had grown up in a filthy rich family, getting everything I wanted at my beck and call. Back then, I was smitten. Knowing what she had gone through, I wanted to provide for her. I took over my father’s businesses, began my own. Just so I could give her the lifestyle she deserved.

"While I was busy trying to get her to stop working… She wanted to provide for herself. It gave her a sense of independence, I understand that now. Having to depend on others before made her want to have freedom, and me trying to get her to stay at home made her feel suffocated. It led to a lot of arguments, more than was healthy. It upsetted me. I always wondered why she did not want to rule the empire I brought to her feet."

Y/n blinked, wondering what she would have done in that situation. Would she also have left Rhys?

"Eventually, she left me. Yet I could not bring myself to let go of her, always concerned about her safety for some reason. That’s when she came to the office, remember?"

Y/n did. A little too well.

But still, her heart hurt for him and her. She understood both sides, and she wished the two had just communicated better. Y/n knew they had loved each other a lot, it was clearly visible on their faces. At least on RHys’s. And from the way Rhys talked about her, Y/n could not help but like her too. She sounded like a nice person, someone deserving of someone as awesome as Rhys.

Even if that would have made Y/n’s chances of being with Rhys zero, she wished they had stayed and worked through their problems together.

He sighed, then turned his head to look at Y/n. "Do you know why I’m telling you this?"

Y/n shook her head, lifting it from her knees, trying to crack the tiny cramp.

He smiled. "I… while you were on that date, I sat and thought about it. Maybe it’s time for me to move on too. And now that I’ve acknowledged stuff I was too scared to before, I think I am ready."

His eyes held something so soft, so vulnerable as he gazed into Y/n’s eyes.

"Look, I don’t know how to say this without sounding like a complete creep and like an asshole, but I’m hoping you won’t judge me, but it’s fine if you’ve changed your mind and-"

"Just say it Rhys." Y/n laughed, already feeling like she knew where this was going.

He sighed. "I… do you want to go on a date with me?"

Y/n grinned. Flustered Rhys was something to cherish. "Sure, why not."

He perked up. "Really?"

She nodded. "As long as you actually want this and I’m not a replacement for Feyre-"

"You’re not, I swear! I’ve been feeling different towards you for some time now, I promise-"

"I believe you."

He blinked. "Really?"

Y/n nodded, and he relaxed, resting his head on her shoulder.

"This was easier than I thought it would be."

Y/n giggled.

It really was easier than expected.

Maybe love wasn’t bullshit after all.

°•°•°•○🌑○•°•°•°

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planetsxmore · 2 years ago

Text

SHORT MESSAGES FROM YOUR FUTURE LOVER

one two three

four five six

lowkey inspired to make this as i saw a few other blogs - this a short pac that'll consist of complete/incomplete sentences channeled by your future lover/spouse/soulmate- choose your pile carefully! - you can choose more than one pile if you'd like - used intuition and rw tarot deck for this reading - this is a general reading and may or may not resonate for you all - stay positive,and hydrated loves <33

your likes and reblogs will be appreciated •

ꕤ PILE 1

you're the sunshine to my darkness

are you okay? because i'm not

stop doubting yourself,you're amazing and complete! i love you for how you are -

i can't wait to have you in my arms but i know that's not possible - even after we meet because it'll take us time to realize how much we love each other

the color blue is our color..

it takes time to heal wounds and broken hearts

you're the best thing that ever happened to me

i'm insecure and i'm afraid you'll run away from the scars i have...

let us dance all night,talk all night - love all night...

i love your smile,it's adorable

ꕤ PILE 2

stop it,you're tickling me...

we're literally more than friends,more than best friends even....

it's uncanny the way we both understand each other. words aren't even needed to express what we want to communicate with each other

we're weird,and we know it- and frankly speaking we don't don't care *wink*

our love is more like an understanding - it's pure,less of the lust and more of the emotional love - we laugh with each other,cry with each other and do absolutely everything together - if we haven't met,i know it's unbelievable for you but you'll believe me once we meet, darling.

you hate my pet,why tho?

our dates are the best - they're soo secretive yet soo quirky lol

you hate it when i snort/snore/slurp - but i can't help it love xD

i gave you my everything yet you didn't think of it alot. why does it feel unrequited at times?

our taste is very similar..in almost alot of things

ꕤ PILE 3

i really love the way your body looks or may look,keeps me guessing...

you're a little too sensitive,can you be a little open? i mean c'mon life's about fun - don't waste yourself overthinking most of the time

whenever i listen to love songs,it reminds me of you..

you're jealous of my exes,but what am i suppose to do if i'm soo hot --

i feel as though so much,so much could be better between the two of us. i'm a little impatient in everything and i can't change that,love - i've tried, trust me

idk why you're soo shy,i'm all in for you -

i hope you understand that i'm not the one to believe in "happy ever after-s" - it's life,babe - we gotta understand it's not a storybook

i love it how you listen to me,it makes me feel as you're the one for me for life - but again,i don't believe in story tales - kinda love. i love it fast - and quick -

clinginess is not anything i love neither co dependency

i love it when my gifts make you happy - the twinkle in your eyes are everything!

[ loves,i don't know how you feel about this pile - but for some of you, i feel you're attracting a very toxic lover/fs - if that's the case,and you don't feel good about this pile- please don't worry since this is the future you're attracting at the moment - change your energy and be a little more positive to attract a better future and partner / you don't need to end up with such an individual if you don't want to - however,if you're fine with this,then no prob! ]

ꕤ PILE 4

close your eyes and imagine - i know you'll feel me around you...

i love how we do homely activities together (cooking/cleaning/working etc.)

you and i are equals. - equals for life

we argue like little kids and make out at the very next moment..

you're my jellybean and i'm your savior.

you always end up in trouble and i always end up fixing it all for you,but i'm with you don't worry

i'll find you but you need to be strong till then! don't let your feelings out for just anyone please

you like my car and i like your lips ...*winks*

it's soo funny how you'll hide your feelings for me and it'll be obvious at the same time..i'll do the same thing.. honestly it'll be a circus and we'll be like two clowns until we confess

please bear with me when i close off. i have past baggages that make me feel isolated at times and opening up can be difficult. just stay with me,i promise i'll open up for you,love.

ꕤ PILE 5

you're literally my drug - i don't know if it's toxic or not,but all i know is that i feel strongly for you ... strongly.

you love my hugs,i know you do .

i know i'm usually very busy and taking out time can be difficult - but i'll manage i promise,just don't go away with anyone else.

you're my favorite - my utmost favorite

maybe sometimes you'll feel as though i'm selfish - wanting all of your body,time and love for myself while i give you less -- but what can i do,love? it's just the way i am. i crave you... can't see you with anyone,even your work bothers me at times when you ignore me because if it - i'm sorry,i'll try to work in these habits...but habits are difficult to change y'know?

i'm possessive,yes i am. i don't want any third party between us - any !

you love our long drives and dinner dates , and i love them with you too !

i love you. i love you right? it's not infatuation,it's not obsession !

i love it when you smile for me, because of me - i love to be your source of happiness!

just be mine, please. when you crush on anyone apart from me,i feel -- i just don't feel good,even if it's a celeb.

[ loves,i don't know how you feel about this pile - but for some of you, i feel you're attracting a very possessive lover/fs - if that's the case,and you don't feel good about this pile- please don't worry since this is the future you're attracting at the moment - change your energy and be a little more positive to attract a better future and partner / you don't need to end up with such an individual if you don't want to - however,if you're fine with the possessiveness,then no prob! ]

ꕤ PILE 6

we're soulmates,yes we are.

do you know how much i had to think over before approaching you? why are you always soo - soo intimidating y'know lol

we're opposite poles of magnets. two parts of a heart - we fit perfectly.

listening to music together soothes me..

i can be a little workaholic but trust me sweetheart, whenever i get time - i rush to you,for you. i just want to build the most stable future for us. I see you in my future..

i'm a little inexperienced in relationships - they never excited me until you came in the picture..

i do whatever i can for you, but if something still bothers you - please,tell me. i don't mind you telling me what i can do better.

love me forever.

i'm all yours,love. the good and the bad. just like the raw ..

i'm scared that our families won't accept us but, no matter what,i'm with you. we'll work through this - you just work on yourself right now, don't stress out. we'll be with each other,as soon as the universe thinks it's time

#planetsxmore #pac reading #pick a card #future spouse #future lover #free tarot readings #pac #tarot #tarotcommunity #tarotblr #intuitive readings

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eunseoksimp · 4 months ago

Text

masterlist

"love can be the most exquisite form of agony"

Osaki Shotaro

Golden Boy | nsfw

shotaro is everyone’s favourite person. extremely lovable and kind to those around him, but there’s only so much he can take, especially when you keep pushing his limits.

Hopeless Romantic | sfw

in the quiet corners of your heart, a one-sided yearning blooms—a hopeless romantic lost in dreams of unrequited love. every glance, every fleeting touch, fuels a fire of longing that dances in the shadows, a tender ache that whispers of what could be but never was.

CPR | sfw

amidst the depths of heartbreak and endless gray, where every step felt heavy, you stumbled upon shotaro osaki. his quiet compassion and warmth cut through the cold, offering solace and his gentle presence beginning to mend your shattered heart. with his presence, he pulled you back from the brink, making you believe in the possibility of healing and reminding you what it feels like to be truly alive again.

. ݁ ˖ ࣪ . ⋆ * .♡ *:･ﾟ. ݁ ˖ ࣪ . ⋆ * .♡ *:･ﾟ. ݁ ˖ ࣪ .

Song Eunseok

He loves me, he loves me not | slight nsfw

all her life, han yumi was used to those around her making her feel unloved. desperate to fill the want of being desired, she finds love in a place she probably shouldn’t.

He loves me, he loves me not 2 | slight nsfw

eunseok, increasingly obsessed with yumi despite his steady and improving relationship with his girlfriend, begins dedicating all his time to his partner. this shift leaves yumi feeling insecure, hurt, and utterly heartbroken. in response, she starts distancing herself from him, a move that triggers euneok's mental breakdown as he grapples with the consequences of his divided heart.

Between the lines | sfw

the importance of communication and understanding, and the consequences that can arise when those elements are lacking. a relationship in turmoil, leading to frustration and distance between the two individuals.

Care For You | sfw

in the quiet of a fading evening, two souls meet where it all began. emotions simmer beneath the surface, caught between what was and what could be. in the silence, a fragile hope lingers.

. ݁ ˖ ࣪ . ⋆ * .♡ *:･ﾟ. ݁ ˖ ࣪ . ⋆ * .♡ *:･ﾟ. ݁ ˖ ࣪ .

Jung Sungchan

Poison | nsfw

the pain and heartache that can come from being involved with someone who is emotionally manipulative, deceitful, and simply not right for you. capturing the essence of the rollercoaster of emotions that one experiences when caught in the grips of a toxic love affair.

Poison 2 | nsfw

in this tumultuous love affair, you were the puppeteer, pulling the strings of sungchan's heart with a cruel precision. the pain and heartache he experienced were the price he paid for the moments of connection you allowed, a constant reminder of the toxic grip you held over him. as the days turned into nights, the line between love and manipulation blurred, leaving you searching for a connection beyond lust.

Coming Down | nsfw

explores the theme of addiction and it’s effects on relationships. the internal conflict of a man caught between the allure of a hedonistic lifestyle, and the genuine love he has for his girlfriend.

Jealousy | nsfw

caught in the throes of a jealous obsession, your feelings for sungchan have grown dangerously intense. relying on him for emotional support, you crave his attention and validation in everything you do. the news of his love for another girl shatters your world, igniting a desperate desire to do anything to keep him by your side.

Hilarious | sfw

sungchan being the asshole ex who doesn’t realise what he’s lost until it’s gone. based off of the song hilarious by charlie puth.

Entangled | sfw

the relationship between you and sungchan is a tumultuous storm, a volatile mix of passion and pain, bound by an intense love that is as toxic as it is profound. sungchan, an underground fighter, using the ring as an outlet for his inner demons and you, clinging to him as you seek solace from your own unhealed wounds. two broken pieces clinging to each other in a toxic dance of dependency and desperation.

Same Mistake | sfw

trapped in a cycle of love and heartbreak, you and sungchan navigate the complexities of a tumultuous relationship. as emotions flare and unspoken truths linger, both of you struggle to break free from the patterns that keep pulling you apart.

. ݁ ˖ ࣪ . ⋆ * .♡ *:･ﾟ. ݁ ˖ ࣪ . ⋆ * .♡ *:･ﾟ. ݁ ˖ ࣪ .

Park Wonbin

Infatuation | nsfw

an exploration of secrecy, infidelity, and the complex emotions that arise from these actions. a woman who is in a painful relationship with a man who she loves, but is seen as nothing more than the object of his desires. an unfortunate tale of a woman making a God out of a mortal.

Infatuation 2 | sfw

in the wake of the collapse of your turbulent relationship with wonbin, the arrival of the enigmatic donghyuck offers a glimmer of hope. you seek solace in his genuine compassion, but in return wonbin’s obsessive desperation takes a darker turn. consumed by jealousy and fear of losing you, he resorts to cunning manipulation, exploiting every secret and weakness to reclaim you.

Infatuation 3 | slight nsfw

you finally take wonbin back, hoping to rekindle the love that once burned so brightly. but the pieces of your relationship, shattered by past betrayals, no longer fit together as they once did. as you navigate the fragile threads of a love that has been tarnished, you find yourself spiraling deeper into a web of confusion and pain. a poignant journey through the anguish of clinging to the past, and the inevitable realization that some things, once broken, can never be fully repaired.

West Coast | nsfw

caught in the chaos of fame and forbidden longing, you’re the guitarist in a rising band, battling intense feelings for park wonbin—charismatic, untouchable, and completely unaware of the storm he’s stirred within you. despite the deep adoration you pour into your music, he remains distant, leaving you to grapple with a passion that he’ll never truly return.

. ݁ ˖ ࣪ . ⋆ * .♡ *:･ﾟ. ݁ ˖ ࣪ . ⋆ * .♡ *:･ﾟ. ݁ ˖ ࣪ .

Hong Seunghan

Sandstorm | slight nsfw

The complexities of a turbulent relationship between two people who love each other but struggle to see eye to eye. They attempt to compromise and reconcile but realise that with each other, they are like a violent sandstorm.

. ݁ ˖ ࣪ . ⋆ * .♡ *:･ﾟ. ݁ ˖ ࣪ . ⋆ * .♡ *:･ﾟ. ݁ ˖ ࣪ .

Lee Sohee

Solace | sfw

the struggles of trying to connect with someone who is deeply guarded and emotionally unavailable.

Wish you Roses | sfw

in a tranquil garden filled with blooming roses, two former lovers, you and sohee, sit together for the first time since the peaceful breakup. surrounded by the fragrant air and golden light, there’s no bitterness, only a quiet understanding that love doesn’t always need to end with pain. instead, like the roses shedding their petals, you release each other with grace, celebrating what was while embracing what will be.

. ݁ ˖ ࣪ . ⋆ * .♡ *:･ﾟ. ݁ ˖ ࣪ . ⋆ * .♡ *:･ﾟ. ݁ ˖ ࣪ .

Lee Anton

Stargirl | sfw

anton had passed by many eyes but he seemed to only get lost in yours. the bass guitarist for a popular college band, the supposed opposite of him, taking your position in the light whilst he lurked in the shadows. and yet all he cares about is seeing you shine, his favourite stargirl.

Pleasure is all mine | nsfw

anton finally gives into his hedonistic sexual desires and you just can’t pass up the opportunity.

Siren | sfw

at seonghwa academy, you reign like a queen—flawless, untouchable, and cold as ice. your beauty is your weapon, used to control and manipulate those who fall under your spell. but when you catch the eye of anton, a brooding athlete with a quiet intensity, you meet your match. beneath his silence lies a dark obsession, a twisted desire that mirrors your own. as you engage in a dangerous dance of power and control, the line between.

#riize x reader #riize imagines #riize scenarios

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jaemified · 1 year ago

Text

same dream, same mind, same night - hong jisoo

“ive waited this long to be with you. what’s another few months?”

pairing; joshua hong x fem!reader

genre; angst, childhood best friends/brothers bsf, kinda fluffy, unrequited love, friends to lovers

warnings; swearing, drinking, mingyus mean but hes just drunk, y/ns scared of commitment (arent we all), mention of bruises/scraping against concrete, and blood (blood parts pretty brief)

wordcount; 3.0k

synopsis; confiding in her longtime best friend after the end of a rocky relationship, choi y/n begins to heal once more and realizes what’s been waiting in front of her after all this time.

note - i love samex3 sm+i wanted an excuse to write w this song and for josh soo

read below the cut !

“you can’t just leave me here!” y/n exclaims to her boyfriend of four years, stumbling out the back door of a club to follow the man before her.

the loud music echoed throughout the alleyway, ringing through y/n’s slightly pounding head though she wasnt nearly as drunk as mingyu.

“actually i can, the car is registered under my name anyway.” he scoffed as he wrapped his arm tighter around his one night stand’s waist.

“and how are you supposed to drive? you’re absolutely wasted.”

“i’m not wasted, in that sense. but i realize how much time i’ve wasted on you.”

y/n grabbed her boyfriends arm, clinging onto him with watery eyes and a shakey grip. she ignored the way the desperate girl next to him gave her a dirty look, rolling her eyes.

“you don’t want to do this mingyu.”

“no,” he lowly chuckles. “you don’t want to do this, y/n.”

he shakes his arm harshly as y/n’s hold on him began to slip, before the girl tugged on her forearm, shoving her backwards into a puddle of god knows what.

y/n ignored the bruises beginning to form on her knees as she scraped against the rough concrete, struggling to get up with weak knees.

the ‘couple’ turns around, walking away towards the other side of the street.

“are you fucking serious? you’re gonna throw away a 4 year relationship for some girl you met at the club?!”

“you’re spewing nonsense, you’re drunk, you should just go home sweetheart.” the girl yelled back in faux pity, pulling mingyu into a kiss while she knew y/n was watching.

it was heartwrenching sight. y/n felt her heart ache, her stomach drop, eyes heavy, head hazy.

“mingyu! stop! please.” she called after to no avail.

with her already shaky knees, she tried to run after them only to trip and scrape herself more harshly then the first time.

she winced as she saw the blood begin to draw, the dirt falling into the open wound.

it was a rather big gash for a small fall, before she realized it was a broken glass bottle she had tripped over.

it was raining now, pouring rather heavily.

y/n sat flat on her butt in the middle of a sketchy alleyway. she began to cry, not just from the ache of the glass digging deep into her flesh, but from the ache in her heart mingyu had left her with.

she sobbed loudly, clutching her chest. she began to curl up into a ball and hugged her knees tightly.

with every drop of the heavy rainfall, her sobs only grew more painful she could feel herself running out of breath.

y/n was pretty fucked. stuck in the middle of who knows where, in a pretty bad area not to mention she was caught midstorm, left with no money (as mingyu used the rest of her money on drinks while she got up to the bathroom), no umbrella, phone in low battery before she realized-

wait.

with her vision blurred, she dug into her purse for her quickly dying phone.

through all the old receipts and packs of gum, her white phone with its clear case still stood out the most. inside the clear case was a polaroid. of her, her brother (seungcheol), and their best friend, joshua, as kids sitting side by side in the sand.

she laughed sadly as she looked at baby her, with her arms wrapped around both josh and cheols necks, the three of them flashing bright smiles.

well shit, she finally snapped out of it and realized what she needed to do.

y/n unlocked her phone, quickly scrolling through her favorites in her contacts.

‘4%’ the upper corner of her phone flashed.

she thought of who to call yet no one seemed to be a good choice.

seungcheol? no, he’d get mad and yell a lot.

jihoon? stuck at work, as always.

wonwoo? working the late shift at the cafe.

mingyu? absolutely not.

y/n thought hard before one familiar name popped up in her mind. how could she not have thought of him?

she scrolled for his contact, finding it, then questioning how she missed it when he was third on her favorite contacts.

calling shua🫶

the loud buzzing of his phone caught both his, and his friends attention, interrupting one of their late gym sessions on a random saturday.

“who could be calling you at this hour?” chan questioned, putting down one of the two weights he was lifting.

“his beloved y/n!” soonyoung teased with a soft grin.

“its not even that late? its only like 10.” seokmin said with a hint uncertainty attached at the end before he checked the time.

joshua brushed off his friends, stopping the treadmill as he paused his music before he had checked the contact name.

‘incoming call from y/nn!<3’

“hey, how are you?” he asked with a genuine smile.

“fucking terrible.”

“are you okay, do you need help?”

“are you free right now..?”

“i mean yeah, im just at the gym with the guys. what’s up?”

“hate to be a bother but can you please come get me?” she emphasized.

“why, what’s wrong? i mean- not why like, ill pick you up either way but just kinda, you know-” “stop being like that and just go get her already!” chan yelled with his distinct laughter.

y/n sniffled, quickly wiping her eyes before chuckling in response, “hi channie!” she spoke with as natural of a voice she could put up.

“she said hi channie.” “dont be jealous!” soonyoung teased.

she smiled at how natural they were with each other, and also at how easily joshua got annoyed.

he walked out the gym of the apartment complex and stood outside the door, ignoring how he had 3 sets of eyes on him.

“okay, im alone now. what happened?”

“ill tell you what happened in person, just please hurry. im kinda injured and also soaking wet. rain really isnt friendly.”

josh walked back into the gym, quickly grabbing his sweater and keys, signaling to the guys that he’d be back later as he pointed towards the parking lot through the window.

“im leaving now. where are you?”

“i dont know, mingyu was the one driving. ill just drop my pin.”

“that bastard i swear if he hurt her..” he mumbled, thankful it wasn’t heard by y/n.

“thank you shua, i really do owe you.”

“it’s fine. that’s what friends are for right?”

“yeah. love you.”

“love you.”

he sighed as he remembered you were just two best friends, nothing more, nothing less. and yet you still had him wrapped tightly around your finger.

y/n squinted when the bright headlights flashed in her eyes as joshua pulled up in his black sedan.

he quickly ran up to y/n with his umbrella, unzipping his gray hoodie and wrapping it around her cold, bare shoulders while the spaghetti straps of the black dress slipped off.

his eyes fell as he saw how puffy hers were, her red cheeks, and bloody scraped knees.

handing the umbrella to the girl before him (and telling her to make sure she’s covered, saying to not worry about him getting wet in the process), he picks her up by the underside of her knees and arms, carrying her to the car.

joshua puts y/n down to sit on the hood as he opened the passenger seat, making sure she has enough leg room, not wanting her to scrape her knees any more then she already had.

he picks her up once more, setting her down inside before taking the umbrella and closing the door for her.

“ill take you back to cheols?” he mumbled as he backed out into the street, pressing his sneaker into the gas pedal.

“no no no no god please don’t. he will kill me and i really don’t want to have to deal with that. can i please spend the night with you?” she begged, grabbing onto his muscular, veiny, covered in rain droplets, arms.

he sighed, looking over to her with a soft gaze, meeting her hurt eyes. he changed the navigation on his phone and entered in the address of his apartment complex. “how could i ever say no to you?” he flashed a lazy smile, rubbing circles into her hand.

realizing his right hand had subconsciously made its way to her rest on her thigh, he half-mindedly pulled his hand away before he felt y/n pull him back, giving it a reassuring squeeze.

“so what happened? not to be, you know. but im really worried about you. you’re lucky cheol wasnt there when you called me you know.”

“i know and im sorry, it’s just- I didnt know who else to go to.”

he hummed as he stopped at the red light. joshua turned to face y/n again, repeating his earlier words. “well, how could i ever say no to you?” he mumbled as the green flash illuminated his face in the dark light.

“you know how gyu can be. but this time he just drank way too much i guess and lost it. it started at the high school reunion party last month. he got drunk and ended up sleeping with someones sister who’s like 4 years younger, she was like in 8th grade when we all graduated.”

“damn we’re old now- oh, sorry. i thought it was a girl he met at the club?”

“that’s what i thought. but she was here with her brother and he told me everything. they were meant to be a one night stand since he thought they’d never see each other again but we just so happened to enter the club as they were leaving. after he told me, i ran out after gyu but he abandoned me.”

she didn’t miss the way joshua’s jaw clenched.

“ill kill that son of a bitch i swear.”

“it’s okay, really-”

“no! its not fucking okay!” he shouted, apologizing before he realized how loud he was.

he parked in his parking space before turning off the engine to talk to her, face to face.

“choi y/n. you are a special girl, a once in a life time even, and you deserve to be treated as such. and if someone as stupid as kim mingyu cant see that then why don’t you go for someone who does?”

“like.. who..?”

“like, hong jisoo.”

“hong jisoo? i- ah.”

y/n gave him a pitiful look, and that’s all it took to get the message across.

“shua..”

“no. i get it, i can’t expect you to feel the same way especially since it hasn’t even been 3 hours since you broke up with mingyu. and even after that i can’t expect you reciprocate my feelings either way. but, even so, ill always be here for you. no matter how you want me, as a boyfriend or more realistically, a friend.”

“joshua. i love you, i really do. you know i do but,”

“-but as nothing more as a friend, yeah? its alright. i really didn’t want to say anything but it just slipped out. i didn’t want to stress you out because i know what you’re going through is hard. i understand. but what we feel for one another is a different type of love,” he stopped to gesture two different points moving in opposing directions with his arms.

“to different for our own good.” was all he said before getting out the car to carry y/n upstairs.

y/n winced as he put ointment into the fresh wound where the glass once was, looking away from josh as he held her leg, directing her gaze to the bloody chunk of glass that sat in the sink.

“soonyoung is staying at chan and seokmins place on the seventeenth floor, but i want you to take my room, and ill stay in soonyoungs since i have a softer and bigger mattress.” he whispered, making eye contact with her as he left an innocent kiss where the bandage covered her skin.

she whimpered as the events of today hit her with the small kiss, unsure of how to proceed.

y/n ran her fingers through her hair, still damp from the shower she had just taken.

“can you stand?” he asked offering his hands to help her down the counter, looking over the many bandaids covering all her scrapes and bruises.

she took his hand and tried walking around the kitchen. she had a bit of a limp, yet was still a bit stable.

“here, take this tylenol and you can wear the hoodie I left on the bed since I know you get cold, ill just shower first.”

she sat on the bed, hugging the shirt she currently wore which joshua had lent her, before slipping on his black zip up hoodie. it had smelled like him, and his familiar, comforting vanilla shampoo she recognized all too well.

she fell back onto the mattress and let her mind be consumed by her thoughts, falling asleep yet only for a short while after.

she later awoke at the sound of joshua digging through his drawers for a white tee, being able to catch a glimpse of his toned body before he slipped the shirt on.

he turned around to y/n, bending down to tuck her stray hairs behind her ear, pressing a kiss into her forehead. “goodnight.”

before he could fully walk away from the bed, y/n grabbed his arm. “stay.” she sleepily whined.

“you need your own space so you can heal, i dont want to accidentally hurt you or anything.”

“you could never hurt me. so just please stay.”

“y/n..”

“please? what happened to you can’t ever say no to me?”

he playfully scoffed before giving in and slipping into the sheets.

y/n dug her head into the crook of his neck, smiling at how he shivered whenever he felt her hot breath against him.

“goodnight shua.”

of course, when cheol found out he was absolutely pissed. y/n would wake up from hundred of missed calls from mingyu, begging for her to take him back after he realized what happened. cheol (and josh.. and, chan?) ended up giving mingyu a bit of, talking to. he learned his lesson didnt he?

it was now over a year, almost two, later. winter time now. joshua had taken y/n to the han river bridge at night. they walked along it together.

with mingyu out of the way, josh and y/n became inseparable (more so then they already were) and drew even closer to one another if that even was possible.

with time, y/n began to realize what it is she wanted. joshua hong. after all, they had always shared the same mind, same dream, all within the same night - ever since they were kids.

“can i tell you something?” she asked, looking down at the river below.

“go ahead.”

“i think, that i like you. and im not sure when or how but you were just always.. there. i don’t know why it took me so long to realize what was there waiting for me, right in front of me.”

silence.

“that’s too bad. because i don’t think i like you, i know i love you.”

“ew you’re so cringey!” she exclaimed, jokingly pushing his face away from hers.

just as joshua reached for y/ns hand, she pulled away. “but before you say anything else, i need to tell you something. i don’t think i want a relationship- or, no i do! just, im scared. i feel like i need a short while longer but i really do wanna be with you,” she paused, thinking of her next words.

“its not that i don’t trust you. im just scared of whatever that was happening again, or if mingyu comes back or something. just, give me a month?”

he smiled, and pulled her into a hug, letting y/n’s head rest on his chest.

“ive waited this long to be with you. what’s another few months?”

y/n felt her heart melt at such a simple yet meaningful statement. she wrapped her arms around his neck, and leaned up to kiss his cheek.

“ive dreamed of being with you since we were kids. you dont know how much it hurt me when you started dating mingyu. and i knew your brother wouldnt dare to let his one and only little sister date his best friend.”

“well. none of that matters now, because it’s in the past. you have me now dont you? and don’t worry about cheol, he’d just want us to be happy. and if he doesnt then that’s just him being a big baby.”

joshua laughed in response, smiling as he held y/n tightly in his arms while they watched the city below, over the river.

she knew she was right giving a guy like joshua a chance.

i will never change.

promise me eternity,

if you feel the same way as i do

they had both dreamed the same dream for years, and now here they’d be, spending the same night together forever.

he knew in that moment she had been worth the wait.

joshua hong’s (almost) finally got to call the girl of his dreams, his, and he couldn’t be happier.

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arting-block · 1 year ago

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I absolutely love your writing style & your 11th doctor fics 😊 I’m not sure what your opinions on writing poly ships are, but I’m a sucker for some fem reader x 11 and River, and was wondering if i could request something fluffy and sweet with reader thinking her feelings towards the both of them are unrequited due to River and the Doctor being together already, but of course relationships with the Doctors can always be so complicated so who says he has to love just one woman at a time, he’s got two hands for a reason 🙏❤️

𝐭𝐰𝐨 𝐡𝐞𝐚𝐫𝐭𝐬, 𝐭𝐰𝐢𝐜𝐞 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐥𝐨𝐯𝐞 | Eleventh Doctor x F!Reader x River Song

❝𝘫𝘶𝘴𝘵 𝘢 𝘧𝘳𝘪𝘦𝘯𝘥. 𝘰𝘯𝘭𝘺 𝘢 𝘧𝘳𝘪𝘦𝘯𝘥.❞

Summary: You were just a companion, a friend to the two Time Lords. At least, you thought you were.

Warnings: Angst, unrequited love (not really lol), fluffy ending

Words: 6.1K

A/N: I'M ALIVE!!! This request sat in my inbox and I struggled a bit to not turn this into a fully fleshed out story. I swear this was meant to be a smol lil blurb, your honor. I sneezed and then 5k spat onto my screen idk it just happened I swear...Anyways, gonna try to get to my other requests soon 🫡

Ordinary is not in your vocabulary. Nothing in your life ever seemed ordinary the moment the Doctor offered an adventure in his bigger-on-the-inside box and a devilish smile. No one normal would have given their safety in exchange for life-threatening altercations with aliens, monsters, and the worst of the universe. You hated the ordinary, despised the monotony of everyday life.

You took the Doctor’s offer with a smile of your own, delight and mischief to complement.

Everything was going well as far as you were concerned. Lives were saved, memories were made, and all the time in the world to do whatever. You were happy, plain and simple.

You embraced the unknown, thanks to the Doctor’s influence. Comfortable with the odd and unthinkable.

At least you thought you were.

With each adventure comes injuries. Most are minimal that heal in a matter of days. Others leave scars that are forever etched in your skin. Being the self-sacrificing stubborn human you were, you often became a shield to those in need. In this particular case you had gotten slashed by a knife in a tussle.

It wasn’t deep enough to be fatal, but it stretched from your collarbone to the side of your neck. Thin line of crimson and a sharp sting when air hit it. Annoying, yes, but nothing you couldn’t handle.

Your traveling companion had a different view.

You groan, “I’m fine, seriously. There’s no need to fuss over a scratch.”

River, beautiful as she is stubborn, gives you a pointed look. One that borders a withering stare but since you’re you it comes off as scolding.

“You nearly had your head off your shoulders. You’re lucky I was there to intervene,” came her grumbling response.

Her fingers find your chin to tilt your head up, her face out of your line of sight as you stare up at the ceiling. You take the opportunity to roll your eyes at her need to coddle you. You’re a grown woman for Christ’s sake, perfectly capable of handling yourself. If anything you’ve encountered worse and had bounced back fine.

Sure, the knife of your attacker came a tad too close to the artery on your neck. Hell, maybe if your reflexes didn’t kick in fast enough you would’ve had a much different night to spend.

But those hypothetical scenarios were merely that. Hypothetical. You’ve walked away that fight with bruised knuckles and a shallow, 4 inch cut.

You were fine. Perfectly capable of handling yourself—

River’s finger finds the hollow of your throat.

Feather-light, just barely touching the skin. You feel her touch up along your neck sending a chill down your spine. Your breath hitched when it stopped just above your pulse point. Something tugs the strings in your chest.

A dangerous feeling coils down in your core.

River’s breath tickles your ear, “Breathe, darling. Can’t have you passing out on me.”

As if on command, your body responds eagerly. You force air to leave your lungs all at once. There’s a slight burn left behind and you're sure it’s not due to your withholding oxygen.

You clear your throat, “Are you going to patch me up Doctor Song?”

It comes off shaky and quiet.

River’s hand leaves your face and you can finally see her. A curve of a smile and a glint in her eyes that leaves goosebumps.

Your legs involuntarily shift close.

River gives a shrug, “You’re right, just a scratch. No need for fussing. Unless you want me to patch you up?”

You shake your head, “N-No, there’s no need. Thank you for offering though.”

There’s a painful squeeze in your chest. Regret.

River nods understandably, “I’ll be out of your hair then. Give a shout if you need me.”

You watch as she turns to leave. You can’t help but trace the curve of her hips as she approaches the door. Words clump in your throat, an impulse of a thought racing. Before you can act she crosses the threshold, the door closing behind her.

Somehow it stung more than the 4 inch cut on your throat.

Just a friend. Only a friend.

— — —

You tried to put the encounter with River as far removed from your mind as you can. It was just the heat of the moment, a little rise because it’s been ages since you’ve had a romantic relationship. Not that you needed one. You’re perfectly content with spending your time with the Doctor. Who needs romance when you’re traveling the universe with a quirky alien?…A hot alien.

A hot alien who is your friend. Nothing more.

“Is there something on my face?” the Doctor asked, swiping his chin for invisible crumbs.

His words snapped you out of your haze. Back to the present.

“Wha—No! Sorry, lost in my own head. What were you saying?”

The Doctor presses a few buttons to prepare the TARDIS for travel, glossing over your admitting to not listening, “I was in the middle of explaining why going to Kaythrona would be a bad idea in comparison to Bouble-4A. Perfect this time of year—trees made of crystals and the water is perfect temperature year round. Perfect water, perfect temperature, perfect getaway!”

His smile is that of pure joy. Infectious to anyone, especially you.

“Yeah, perfect! You have any plans when we arrive?” you asked, leaning against the console.

You were an arm’s length away. At this distance you could smell the remnants of his earl gray tea from this morning clinging to his clothes. Wild hair that is tamed on the sides, the cut of his cheekbone, and the hint of stubble along his jaw.

The Doctor whizzes about the controls with flair. Pushing, pressing, and pulling controls that look indistinguishable from one another.

“Many, many plans. Oh, (Y/N) you’re gonna love the little markets along the coast. We could go to the seafood restaurant—no, the pearl mines! So much to do and lots to show you.”

The Doctor makes his way around back to you, bumping shoulders as he did so. He turns to you, excited to expose you to yet another world.

You give him a small smile in return. Hoping your demure expression would hide the fluttering of your heart.

Pulling the engine lever down, you feel the familiar rumbling of the TARDIS. The two of you grab onto the railing in hopes to not fall over. The Doctor reaches for the edge of the console, bracing himself.

You, caught up in your fawning, didn’t properly latch onto the railing and nearly toppled over. A hand yanks your arm and you collide with a wall of wool and earl gray.

“Don’t worry I got you,” the Doctor assured, his mouth nearly kissing against your ear.

His hand migrates from your arm to your waist, pulling you to his side. Tight and secure. The shaking continues, but you’re much too focused on how warm the Doctor seems to be. His hand firm on your side, as if it was meant to be there. Your cheek against the scratchy wool of his coat just inches away from his hearts.

Just a friend. Only a friend.

You grasp onto his jacket even though there’s a perfectly stable railing right in front of you.

— — —

Ordinary didn’t apply to your life, so it would only make sense it didn’t touch your love life either.

River once again joined you and the Doctor for another adventure. Surprisingly, one that didn’t involve intergalactic battles and executing a poorly planned heist. No, she just so happened to be in New York in 2023 at the exact same pizza parlor the Doctor is dragging you to.

In the past few months you’ve come to realize that the odd feelings in your stomach and the nervous butterflies wasn’t just spur-of-the-moment anxiety. It only manifests when you are within proximity to either the Doctor or River. Anytime they slipped past your personal bubble, you felt the simmering heat in your stomach and a dizziness whenever they got too close. You didn’t realize how the three of you would be joined at the hip until you realized something.

You love the Doctor…and River.

It came crawling into your mind until it was all you could think about. Moments across the years playing over and over. You loved them both for so long but you played it off as platonic. It should’ve been obvious with how you hoard their attention and do everything in your power to be near them. Their laughs, praise, and happy moments shared between you set your heart ablaze.

Only problem is that they’re already married. They weren’t secretive either. Always flirting in the face of danger. Lingering eyes and a heated kiss when things got rough. They never hid their affection towards one another.

You were never jealous of them. The ache in your chest came from the fact that they would never share that with you. You were you and they were the Doctor and River Song. They had a history long before you and they seemed more than content with each other.

River sat in a booth in the far corner of the restaurant. The afternoon sun highlighted her golden hair like a halo. She was writing in that old diary of hers that resembles your beloved time-machine.

The Doctor walked in fast, measured steps while you tried to keep up. His hand on your back, guiding you through the people crowding around the cashier. The closer you stepped the more anxiety pools.

River looks up from her diary with a wide grin. The one where it crinkles her eyes and makes you lose breath.

“Hello sweetie,” she says, her words honeyed with affection.

“Hello love,” the Doctor returns with a giddy smile.

River’s gaze met yours. Her expression didn’t change, as if she was just as happy to see you.

“We meet again, darling.”

Darling became her nickname for you as much as sweetie was for the Doctor.

She’s just flirting, nothing special.

Your nails dig into your palms, “So it seems, Riv.”

The Doctor ushers you into the booth so you sit shoulder to shoulder. He rubs his hands together as he snatched a menu from the pile in the middle of the table.

“Alright, what do we have here? Some good ol’ pepperoni, some cheese, and lovely sauce. I’m absolutely famished. Haven’t stopped to think, let alone eat something other than the ramen packets Y/N hoards,” the Doctor says.

You snatched the menu from the Doctor, “So you were eating them! You said they could clog your arteries.”

The Doctor snatches the menu right back, “I said they could clog your arteries, not mine.”

“You made me believe I was going mad! Why couldn't you get your own?”

“‘Cause your room is closer…and less expensive.”

The two of you continue to bicker whilst the menu keeps being tugged mercilessly. Ramen packets changed to snoring habits (you were horrified that the Doctor snuck into your room when you were still in it) and the argument shifted to accusations. Most of which was you calling the Doctor a robber. The Doctor deflects and somehow blames you for being easy to rob.

River watched the exchange with a tiniest of smiles. The Doctor with a hint of red at his ears, leaning forward. You with pinched brows and sharp words that you don't actually mean. So close the two of you were that your knees were touching and the air between was your mingled breaths.

“Ahem,” River coughed rather obnoxiously.

At the sound of her, the two of you ceased arguing.

“Any louder and you’ll alert the whole parlor,” she scolds.

Luckily the busy little parlor was already loud with its many customers. Loud enough to drown the squabbling in your booth. Though the realization of how you might've looked made you and the Doctor slouch into your seats.

River narrows her eyes, “If you're done arguing like petty school girls we could hurry up and order because I’m not sharing my food. Unless you wish to continue spilling each other's secrets for all of New York to hear.”

“Nope, we're done,” you say. You shoot her a grin in hopes to hide the fact that, yes, you will continue later.

River’s eyes shift to her husband, who avoids her stare.

“Yes, done-zo. No more arguing,” the Doctor affirms. He leaves out the “For now” at the end.

River knows the little omissions. She doesn't voice it, instead rolling her eyes.

— — —

Lunch went by smoothly, all things considered. Food was served, pizza was eaten, and stories passed the time. The Doctor retold your fantastical adventures with some minor exaggeration (leaving out the mishaps as well). River bragged about her many archeological discoveries and Indiana Jones-esque quests to find legendary artifacts.

As they retold, shared, and laughed at each other's fortune, you sat in your seat with sealed lips. As the time passed, the two of them leaned forward with biting grins. It was as if magnets in their chests pulled them nearer.

You stayed put because in place of a magnet was a lump of sorrow that was weighing you down. You watched their banter go on and on, leaving you out. Their words turned personal, intimate with inside jokes. It was clear that although River and the Doctor weren't exclusive by any means, their love runs deeper than most.

Their love for each other ran deeper, felt stronger only for them.

Not for you.

It hurts to watch them. It hurts to love them knowing they will never feel the same. You’re just a temporary blip in their long lives. They already have one another. Perfectly content with having you just as a companion. Because that’s all you are to them. In this moment, trapped in your bubble, you can see just how in love they are. In the middle of the table their hands are inches away from each other. The tips of their hands moving at a snail's pace towards the other, until they fold in where they meet. They don’t seem to notice the collision of hands, still conversing with one another nonchalantly.

It’s an innocent gesture. Sweet and pure with its intentions. Perfectly their hands fit, you don’t think they could form against yours. They were perfect for one another. Witty mouths, playful eyes, and brilliant minds.

Husband and wife. Vowed for one another.

Your eyes don’t leave their hands, transfixed by your own spell of deep longing.

The Doctor laughs at something River says. It’s a soft chuckle that pulls his lips and shakes his head. River stares unabashed with eyes so full of love that it tugs the strings in your chest.

It makes you sick.

“I need to use the bathroom,” you blurt out. You felt too close, too warm in the booth. You need to get away from them both.

The Doctor and River glance at one another. A pointed look that could hold entire conversations. Moments ticked by before the Doctor scoots out of his seat to let you pass. You all but sprinted out of the booth and made a bee-line to the bathroom.

It was a small, dank space with dark brown walls and one lighting fixture in the middle of the ceiling. The harsh lighting and tight space was far from cozy and inviting, but you are glad to have made it out. Your breathing became more shallow, tears started to burn into your eyes. You stare into the warped reflection in the mirror.

Tiredness smudges around your eyes. Your lower lip is cracked from the constant tugging and swiping of your tongue. Edges of your shirt wrinkled from how tightly you were holding onto it.

You don’t know how long you stared at yourself. Lines around your face blur as the tears start to flow. Down your face, into the valleys of cheeks, and into the porcelain sink. Another falls, then another, until you can’t help but sob into your hand.

— — —

Minutes tick by. The pizza being shared was now specks of crumbs.

Your companions sit idly, waiting for your return.

“Is it just me, or is (Y/N) a bit quiet today?” the Doctor mused, looking behind him to see the closed door of the bathroom. The red sticker on the lock gnaws at his mind.

River rubs her thumb over the Doctor’s hand, “Why don’t you ask her? She’s your companion.”

The Doctor turns back to her, “Why don’t you ask her? Everytime I see you two, you can’t keep your hands off one another.”

His words don’t have any malice. If anything, it was more of a jab at how horribly River hides her affinity towards you. Always doting on you with small trinkets and tight hugs. The soft drawl of her “darling” seemed much too intimate, too loving to be platonic.

River’s smile is sharp, her words quick, “Says the man who whimpers whenever she wears a tight dress.”

As quick as her words came, the image of you a week ago floods his mind.

Silk gloves, the shine of your skin, the color of your lipstick. It was a gala out in a different galaxy and the Doctor found it hard to resist your puppy eyes.

You begged him to dress up, to match with your dress. He mutters, whines, and begrudgingly says yes. Not because he didn’t want to go, but because he knew of the outcome of seeing your dress.

A deep blue, nearly black, with delicate lacing and gemstones. Simple, lavish, and complimented your body beautifully. The neckline perfectly snug against your chest, bodice hugging your waist, and when you turned around—

The whole of the Doctor’s face flushes a bright pink. He sputters, tone harsh, “I do not. It’s called being flustered. I’ll have you know that I—stop laughing.”

The Doctor’s plea falls on deaf ears as River let out a choked giggle. Her hand covers her mouth, but the edges of her smile still peek through. Seeing the Doctor flustered over a girl never fails to make her laugh.

“I was…only teasing!” she let out between giggles. The expression the Doctor made, all grumpy like a cat, made her sides hurt.

The laughter dies down. River dabs her eyes and massages her tired cheeks. The Doctor’s hearts swells at her joy, even if it was at his own expense.

The Doctor looks over his shoulder once more. Your door is still locked with no one in line. An uneasy feeling lodges in his chest. Your usual bright, happy attitude was strangely absent. A few times you chimed in, relaying your own version of a story the Doctor purposefully miscounted.

You weren’t sad, at least the Doctor didn’t seem to think so. Empty was a more appropriate word. Stuck in your own head thinking God knows what.

“Did you hold up your end?”

River’s questions shocked the Doctor out of his own thoughts.

The Doctor narrows his eyes, “I don’t recall making a bargain with you. I thought we agreed that if we were drunk that it doesn’t count.”

River rolls her eyes, “I’m talking about (Y/N). I told you to talk to her about…” she gestures to the space between them.

The Doctor mimics her movements, confusion still present in his face, “What’s this? What did I agree to?”

“Us! You agreed to talk to (Y/N) about us. You told me that you would drop hints about it,” River scans the Doctor’s face for any recognition. She sees the realization dawn on him, and the guilt settling in. River can’t help but curl her lips into a snarl, “You didn’t do it, did you?”

“How am I supposed to?” he threw his hands up in exasperation, “It’s bad enough as it is that I get all light-headed and fuzzy when she’s near me. You hear me? Light-headed and fuzzy. I didn’t think that was possible—no I was certain it wasn’t possible. At least with you, you made all the moves from the get-go. What if she doesn’t like me back?’

River shoved her leg under the table, earning a strained “ow” from the Doctor, “You stupid oaf! Of course she likes you! Smartest man in the universe, yet you couldn’t use your big brain of yours to notice her signals? A cyberman could figure it out for goodness sake.”

The Doctor slumped back into his chair, dumbfounded. He would be lying if he said he didn't notice how close you were with him. But you're close with everyone. Always friendly, open with your emotions.

River was the one to bring up a potential relationship. Nudging the Doctor towards you, trying to get him to open up. Every time he mentions anything romantic, it never seems to come out right. Words jumble in his head and his tongue knots in his mouth. On the off chance he does something “romantic”, you would always—unwaveringly—call him a friend. He has to pretend that the word doesn’t make his teeth grind against each other.

The Doctor swirls the colored straw in his glass of soda. The ice clinking against glass and the residual carbonation sizzling out.

Ice. Cracking. Sizzling out into the inky depths of the cola, almost black in the dim lighting.

Something in his brain clicks.

— — —

10 minutes passed before someone banged on the bathroom door.

“Can you hurry up man! You’re holdin’ up the line!” an angry, muffled voice yelled.

You furiously wiped your face, collecting all the remaining tears with paper towels. A couple splashes of water to soothe your puffy eyes before you unlock the bathroom. You were greeted with a cross, stout man with too much hair on his chest and not enough on his head. He grumbled something before making his way around you. No one else stood behind him.

The restaurant died down with only a few tables left occupied and the setting sun spilling through the windows. You drag yourself towards the booth the Doctor and River were situated in. Your steps get slower as the distance gets shorter. Dread builds into you; your mind conjures the image of their exclusion towards you.

Voices, familiar and warm, could be heard. They were more hushed than before, perhaps due to the lack of other customers to drown out their noise. As you round a corner, you see River and the Doctor hunched towards one another. You can only see River’s stern expression before her eyes immediately spot you. Relief sags her shoulders. At her expression, the Doctor whizzed around to greet you.

You stopped in front of them, seeing their ruffled clothes and fidgeting body language. You were gone for a few minutes, so why did they look…disheveled? River’s usual glossy curls were frizzy around the edges; wild strands sticking to and fro. The Doctor’s shirt looked wrinkled and bowtie skewed at an odd angle.

Did they…? No, you weren’t gone for that long.

“Sorry I took so long. Long line and no toilet paper,” you lie with a monotone voice. You didn’t put any energy into making it believable, hoping they would get the hint to not question you.

The Doctor sprang up from his seat with an expression that seemed much too happy to be innocent.

“Change of plans. River had just informed me that at this very moment, there is a comet passing by in—” he checks his watch, “ —Yosemite, California. Super beautiful, gorgeous color. Isn’t that right Riv?”

River nods, fast and eager, “Sure is, sweetie. I’ve had enough of the city, wouldn’t you say?”

Their odd behavior rang alarm bells in your mind. A prank? You doubt River would be the type to follow along with a malicious prank. The Doctor, however…

You let out an exhausted sigh, “Could this wait later? Tomorrow?”

“Nope! Can’t wait, lots to see!” came the Doctor’s reply.

The Doctor placed his hands on your shoulders to steer you to the front door. Your feet nearly tangle together, practically stumbling down the empty street with River not too far behind. You find your footing just fast enough so that you can speed walk without the Doctor trying to knock you over.

“Guys, slow down. Doctor, I can walk just fine y’know,” your shoe gets caught onto a piece of sidewalk, making you jump slightly. It doesn’t deter the Doctor, still hellbent on shoving you down the street. You turn to your side, eyeing River, “Could you please explain to me what’s going on? Why are you guys acting weird?”

River’s cherry red lips stretched to a smile (Did she just apply it?), “Spoilers.”

Your friends’ odd behaviors made you question if you’re being kidnapped by shapeshifters. Not an impossible scenario, but would explain why they’re suddenly so hyper. The Doctor made a sharp turn into an alley. You see the TARDIS with its vibrant blue against the red brick of the buildings beside it.

Something’s wrong.

“The TARDIS was parked a few streets down. Why is it here?” you questioned, distrust lacing your voice.

The Doctor sent a worried look towards River, who looked caught off-guard.

“We…thought it was best to move it closer so you didn’t have to walk far,” River explains. It comes out quickly. Too rushed and uneasy to make it truthful.

The Doctor gave a smile, too wide for your liking.

You cross your arms over your chest, “If you don’t spit it out already I’m not getting into the TARDIS. I’m honestly a bit freaked out right now.”

“We, uh…” the Doctor moves his hand, trying to come up with something, “We can’t tell you.”

You scoff, looking at River to see if she will spill.

River shrugs, “You’ll have to come inside the TARDIS to see.”

You wrestle with the idea of accusing them of being aliens with perception filters. It could explain their odd appearance and eagerness to get you to the TARDIS. Were the real Doctor and River Song trapped somewhere. Is this a trick of the mind?

The Doctor hand tugs yours. Secure and warm. His expression calms, “It’s a surprise,” he indulges.

River unlocks the TARDIS, holding the door open, “A big one.”

The Doctor and River take your hands, interlocking them. The action sends your mind blank. Soft, warm. They hold tightly, flushed against your clammy palms. Your heart stutters, finally registering what’s happening. You’ve held their hands many, many times. It wasn’t unusual to see you link hands with either of them.

This. It feels different.

They all but pulled you inside, the destination already on display and the engine ready to go.

— — —

Cool air kissed your face, greatly contrasting the warm New York temperature. Grass met your feet instead of concrete. Stillness you’d always associate with nature instead of the bustle of busy streets.

“Is the blindfold really necessary?”

You fight the instinct to rip the cloth off your face, but your hands are preoccupied with being held by your companions. River to your left, the Doctor on your right. Their other hands find the small of your back, guiding you forward.

“Almost there, darling,” River assures.

You bite back a groan. One foot in front of the other as best as you could. Each one was wobbly; unsure of debris blocking your path. The hands along your back tighten, trying to steer your uncoordinated body towards the destination.

You smell the familiar scent of firewood in the air before you hear the crackling.

The walking stops and hands leave your body. You hear the rustling of fabric and stray giggles of the Doctor. River hushes him.

Your fingers twitch at your side. The cotton of the Doctor’s bow tie is soft yet strangely secure on your head. You're trying to piece together what they’re trying to show you. Nothing seems to add up. Is it a holiday? A prank? Was it a birthday?

You hear footsteps and feel two hands on your shoulders.

“Keep your eyes close, yeah?” the Doctor whispers, tugging his bow tie off your eyes.

You sigh, “Doctor, what are you trying to do?”

The Doctor doesn’t respond. You don’t know his facial expression or any sort of clue towards his motivations. But you feel the gentle hold of his hand. Warm palms picking up your fingers, thumb tracing the peaks of your knuckles and the valleys of your skin.

Almost like…

“Ready,” River announced, a bit distant from where you are standing.

The Doctor leans close, his hair tickling your temple, “Open your eyes.”

It took you a few blinks to adjust your eyes. The inky darkness of night contrasts the warm, inviting fire light.

River stands next to a picnic blanket with the most lush pillows you’ve ever seen. Movie snacks are piled in the corner and in the middle a neatly wrapped box with an obnoxious bow. In front of the picnic blanket was a small, orange fire surrounded by a ring of rocks. The flames crackle loudly, providing warmth against the lowering temperature.

“What…How? Why?” Was all you could muster. You take a few steps closer, unsure of how to process this.

You focus on the box. Dark wrapping paper with shining gold stars to accent. The flickering fire made the glitter on the stars twinkle. The bow nearly swallowed the top of the box with ribbons cascading down. Your eyes flicker to the pile of snacks. Your favorite snacks. Even some ramen packets.

The Doctor spoke up, “Hope you’re not too full from the pizza. Though, come to think of it, we may have left the drinks back in the TARDIS. River suggested wine but I’m already buzzed from my own endorphins.” His words were a bit fast, almost nervous.

“But why? Is there something special about today?” you ask.

River smiled, “November, 1826.”

There’s something familiar about the date. It tickled your memory, but nothing clear.

“Our first adventure together. The three of us,” The Doctor clarified.

It felt as though the Doctor’s words swept all air from your lungs. Of course, how could you forget?

You are certain it was years ago. Keeping track of time on the TARDIS is finicky at best, but you felt the time pass as evident by the scars on your skin and fine lines dotting your face. You were still wide-eyed and naive, not yet comprehending the dangers of the universe. The Doctor was still odd and new to be around; still getting used to your presence at his side.

There was a galactic cruise ship, nearly swallowing Pluto in size. Parts of the memory are hazy in your mind. You forget if it’s you that urged the Doctor to go or the Doctor dragging you out. Whatever the case was, you found yourself onboard and immediately lost, tipsy from the wine given.

River found you then. It wasn’t ‘til later that you realized that River was actually seeking you out. In your eyes, it was the first time seeing her. To her, she had already had a tone of familiarity when your name rolled off her tongue.

Turns out River had organized a heist to return stolen goods that were aboard the cruise ship. Fighting and mishaps ensued until the Doctor managed to hoard the goods aboard the TARDIS and return them to their rightful spots.

At the end of it all, the three of you had just so happened to be above the Earth at the same time as Biela’s comet.

You remember your legs dangling off the edge of the TARDIS, dark splotches along your legs where bruises formed. The Doctor and River lean against the doorframe, silent in their awe. The first of many mishaps and adventures the three of you would create.

They took you to the exact day—the exact time—

“Why?” you whispered. Everything came rushing all at once. Stolen glances, longing stares, the uncomfortable beat of your heart. Memories of the three of you or just intimate moments with either of them. You swallow the lump in your throat, “I just…don’t understand.”

The Doctor took your hands once again. You couldn’t bring yourself to meet his gaze.

“We love you (Y/N). For a while now, actually.”

His delicate words hit you like a gust of wind. Your head snapped up, eyes wide and fearful. The Doctor’s usual happy facade is gone, any humor wiped from the planes of his face entirely. His hands grip onto yours a bit harder, enough to ground you.

After a few moments, your brain finally stills. Anxiety still grips your muscles and tightens your chest, but you manage to sputter your thoughts out coherently.

“I love you guys too,” you grin against the onset of tears starting to fall. You didn’t move your hands from the Doctor’s, so you simply let them cascade down your face. You shakily inhaled, continuing, “For so long I thought you guys wouldn’t feel the same. Even now…”

Two hands appear at your cheeks, thumbs swiping away the salty tears. The Doctor smiles and you don’t mistake the glisten in his eyes as well.

You turn towards River who stands near the blankets with the present pressed tightly against herself. The fire gives her golden hair a bright orange hue, surrounding her with a divine glow. The way she looks at you made your skin flushed; so full of adoration, as if you were the most breath-taking sight.

Stepping towards the blond with the Doctor, you try to meet her gaze head-on. You stopped once you got close enough to see the dilation of her eyes. For a second a flicker of something else flashed in her green eyes.

“Breathe, darling,” she teased. At her command, you let out the breath you were holding. She hands you the box, never breaking eye-contact, “Consider it an anniversary gift.”

The choice of words makes your eyes widen. The box seemed a bit hefty in your hands. You gave it an experimental shake, feeling something large and solid moving. You gripped the end of the ribbon and gave it a tug. Silky ribbon buckled, folding into itself until it completely unraveled and slipped from the box. Pulling open the top you saw a large blue book nestled inside.

TARDIS blue, you noted.

River takes the empty box while the Doctor ushered you onto the picnic blanket. There were no words embellished that gave any indication as to what the book was about. Flipping the cover open, you were met with a mostly blank page, save for the text stamped in the middle:

“For the love of our many lives. A companion, friend, and most importantly, the reason the Universe doesn’t seem so cold.”

Tears nearly blurred your vision, but you managed to wipe them away to flip to the next page.

A collage of photos filled the pages. Some were candid, others in black in white, most of them had you in them. There were pictures you had captured on an old film camera you snagged when you were stuck in the 70s. You were quite surprised to see snapshots of you doing mundane activities. Your head was turned away from the lens, completely focused on some task in front of you. There were a few pictures with you and River and some with all three of you.

Years of memories stored in the pages of the book. Some far back to the earliest days of your travels.

The rest of the night blurred into happy tears and hearty laughs. You snuggled between the two Time Lords flipping through the photo album filled with your fondest memories.

The insecurities felt in the cramped bathroom in the middle of New York seemed so far away. Years of anxiety curdling in your stomach finally bloomed into something sweet. They loved you. They wanted you. They planned everything out for you. You felt it in their gaze, their warm touches.

“Tonight,” the Doctor whispered, “It’s all about you.”

As Biela made her visit, shining brightly amongst the twinkling stars, you realized that somewhere out in the sky, your past selves were observing the same scene.

Staring out into the vast expanse of space, you hoped the love that swelled your heart could be felt millions of miles away. That your shared laughter transcended the atmosphere and carried to the passengers of the TARDIS floating above Earth.

You hoped that somewhere out there, your future selves are looking over, sharing this experience across time and space.

#eleventh doctor request #eleventh doctor x y/n #eleventh doctor x you #eleventh doctor x reader #doctor who #bbc doctor who #eleventh doctor x river song #eleventh doctor x reader x river song #eleventh doctor x y/n x river song #eleventh doctor x you x river song #the doctor x you #the doctor x y/n #the doctor x reader #the doctor x river song #the doctor x reader x river song

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outro-jo · 2 years ago

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Stray Kids when he can’t have you

pairing: skz x reader (gender neutral) x reader’s partner (they/them pronouns)

type: scenario

summary: he’s your best friend and he can’t have more

warning: angst, unrequited love, talks about crying, mentions of abuse

song inspo: here

a/n: please read info before requesting 🤍

masterlist | info

—————————

chan- it absolutely kills him. he doesn’t know what hurts worse, seeing you in those moments when you’re hopelessly in love with them… or when you’re hurt by them. he’s the one you go to crying after arguments. he holds you while you cry over them and his heart shatters. he tries to offer the best advice he can that benefits you the best. he thinks of himself last. a lot of good songs come out of it but he tries to tell you that someone else wrote them.

minho- he distances himself emotionally. you could be sitting right next to him but he feels like a million miles away. his smile doesn’t have the warmth it used to. you feel guilty and you don’t even know what for. your partner starts getting suspicious of him so they ask you to stop hanging out with him. he doesn’t let anyone see but he spends so many nights missing you and crying. when around others, he’s closed off and stoic. the boys keep trying to love and encourage him but it’s hard. it’s like talking to a brick wall.

changbin- he knows he could love you better and it enrages him. but he’ll put on a smile and act like he always does but those closest to him can see it in the way he clenched his fists and jaw when you’re not looking. he hates the way your partner talks to you but he sees the way your eyes light up and he doesn’t have the heart to say anything to you. he has to take up boxing with chan to work through it.

hyunjin- a small piece of him dies inside when he sees how you are around your partner. when they make you smile or laugh, the twinkle in your eyes. he used to be the one to do that to you—that was his job. the stars in your eyes seem to blind you from the red flags popping up. he’s worried that if he says something he’ll lose you altogether and he can’t bear that. he misses the way things were before. he dreams about you more often and his notebook is full of drawings of you that no one else will see.

jisung- also hides behind a smile. with all the hiding he has to do, his anxiety gets worse. how can he keep this up around you? what if he messes up and says something? it would ruin everything, he thinks. he tried to pretend that everything was normal for you. you seem so happy with them. eventually he starts getting busier. he’s not really but that’s what he tells you. he allows time and distance to heal things… for him.

felix- will always think of you first. he seems genuinely happy when you go on your first date and when he meets them for the first time but as soon as the two of you leave, he’s sobbing in chan’s arms. he never listens to chan’s advice to tell you because he can’t risk your friendship. as awful as this feels, he knows it feels worse to not have you in his life at all. he keeps lying to himself that he’ll move on and get over it.

seungmin- he’s unsure about this new person at first but you just chock it up to him being protective of you as your best friend. then the flags start getting redder and he can’t hold back any more. the concerned conversation turns into a screaming match and you decide if he can’t be happy for you and supportive then you don’t need him. that is until you’re on his door step, teary eyed and bruised.

jeongin- keeps quiet even to the boys. if this is what you want then he’ll support you. it kills him inside but he doesn’t dare let it out. he knows once it starts he’ll break down and have to confess so he holds it in. it’s a ticking time bomb especially when he sees the way they’re treating you.

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midastouch013 · 7 months ago

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I Love You (Angst Version)

Summary: You've loved Natasha, and she loved you too, or so you thought

Warnings: Angst, The ending is up to you

----

The flickering light from the muted television danced across the room as you and Natasha sat in silence. The weight of unspoken words hung in the air like a heavy fog, and the distance Natasha maintained felt insurmountable. The events of what the news had been calling the 'Infinity War' had taken a very large toll on both of you, leaving scars that ran deeper than any physical wounds.

As the familiar theme song of FRIENDS played, you couldn't shake the feeling that something had shifted, something irrevocable. Taking a shaky breath, you decided it was time to address the growing chasm between you.

"Nat," you began, your voice tinged with a mixture of sadness and desperation. "We need to talk."

She turned to look at you, her green eyes guarded and distant. Natasha's walls were up, and you couldn't help but feel like an intruder in her fortress. You tried to find the right words, but they eluded you, slipping through your fingers like sand.

"I love you," you finally confessed, your voice breaking with the weight of unshed tears. "But it feels like you're slipping away, and I don't know how to bring you back."

Natasha's expression remained stoic, a painful silence stretching between you. The seconds ticked by, the air heavy with unspoken pain.

"I thought… I thought we were in this together," you whispered, your voice barely audible over the distant hum of the television. "But it's like you're shutting me out, and I don't know how to reach you anymore."

The distance seemed to grow, an unspoken void widening between you. Natasha didn't respond, and the lack of acknowledgment cut deeper than any words could. You felt a lump forming in your throat, choking back the tears that threatened to spill over.

And with that, you walked out of the room, going to find somewhere to cry, considering of the 2 people you turned to, one was the reason you were crying and the other had dusted.

Days passed, and the emotional chasm between you and Natasha only deepened. The once-shared moments of comfort and companionship now felt like distant memories. The silence became a suffocating presence, each passing moment echoing the pain of unrequited love.

One evening, after yet another mission that left scars too deep to heal, you found Natasha alone in the common area. She was nursing a glass of whiskey, her gaze fixed on a point far beyond the confines of the room. You hesitated before approaching, the ache in your chest almost palpable.

"We need to talk, Nat," you said, your voice steady despite the turmoil within. "This can't go on like this."

She looked at you, her eyes empty, void of the warmth that once drew you in. Without a word, you sat down beside her, the silence stretching like an unbridgeable chasm.

"I can't do this anymore," you admitted, your voice breaking. "I can't watch you drift away and not do anything about it. It hurts too much."

Natasha's lips trembled, and for a moment, it seemed like she might say something. But the words remained trapped, suffocated by the weight of the unspoken.

"I love you," you said, the tears finally escaping, tracing a path down your cheeks. "But I can't keep loving someone who won't let me in."

The room fell into an unbearable silence, and you stood up, leaving Natasha alone with the echoes of a love that had unraveled. The door closed behind you, sealing the pain and heartache within, and you walked away, knowing that some wounds might never heal.

Days turned into weeks, and the void left by your absence lingered like a haunting ghost. Natasha, too proud to admit her own pain, threw herself into missions with a fierce determination. The laughter that once filled the shared moments was replaced by a desolate silence.

One day, as Natasha found herself alone in the room you both used to share, the emptiness became too much to bear. The memories of your presence, the warmth of your touch, haunted her like a relentless specter. She traced her fingers along the edge of the couch, as if hoping to find some residue of the love that had slipped away.

The door creaked open, breaking the heavy silence, and Natasha turned to see you standing in the doorway. Your eyes, once filled with love, now held a mix of sadness and resignation.

"I thought I could live without you," Natasha admitted, her voice barely above a whisper. "But every day feels like a battle, and I'm losing."

You took a tentative step into the room, the distance between you more palpable than ever. The air crackled with the unresolved tension that had become the new norm.

"I miss you," Natasha said, her vulnerability laid bare. "But I don't know how to fix this. I'm afraid I've broken something I can't mend."

You wanted to reach out, to bridge the gap that had grown between you, but the scars of the unspoken pain still stung. The room became a battlefield of emotions, the love that once bound you now replaced by an aching void.

"It's not easy for me either," you admitted, your voice carrying the weight of your own heartache. "But I can't keep watching you drift away. We either find a way back to each other or accept that it's over."

The decision hung in the air, a heavy cloud that refused to dissipate. The room, once filled with shared laughter and whispered promises, now stood as a silent witness to the unraveling of a love that couldn't withstand the weight of the unspoken.

And then, just when the tension seemed unbearable, Natasha broke the silence with a wry smile. "You know, they say communication is the key to a healthy relationship. Maybe we should've invested in a giant neon sign that says 'Talk to Me' or something."

Despite the heaviness of the moment, you couldn't help but chuckle at the absurdity of the suggestion. Natasha's attempt at humor, however small, was a flicker of the person you fell in love with.

"I'm serious," she continued, a glint of mischief in her eyes. "Next time, let's hire a skywriter or something. Subtlety clearly isn't our strong suit."

Your laughter echoed in the room, a welcome respite from the tension that had gripped both of you. It was a small crack in the wall, but it felt like a start.

"I missed your sense of humor," you admitted, a genuine smile breaking through the lingering sadness.

"Likewise," Natasha replied, her gaze softening. "Maybe we should stick to saving the world instead of navigating relationships. It seems simpler."

As the laughter subsided, you found yourselves sitting side by side, the weight of the unspoken lifting, if only for a moment. The road to recovery was uncertain, but the shared chuckle was a reminder that sometimes, even in the darkest moments, a bit of humor could be the first step toward healing. The room, once a battleground of emotions, now held the promise of a different kind of conversation—one that involved laughter, understanding, and maybe, just maybe, a giant neon sign.

—-----

#avengers #black widow #natasha romanoff #natasha romanoff x reader #natasha romanov #natasha x reader #natasha x you #natasha marvel #natasha x y/n #natasha romanoff angst #natalia alianovna romanova #natalia romanova #black widow x y/n #black widow x female reader #black widow x you #black widow x reader

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redrandomposts · 18 days ago

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alien stage guide and sentinel au

includes: not really unrequited love ivantill and childhood sweethearts mizisua.

if anything is incorrect, well, i did a quick rundown on sentinels and guides and i'm shallowly in alien stage. ill look at the indepth lore later

ivan is a guide. a pretty broken one, at that. it's supposed to be genetic, sewn into his very dna, but something must've gone wrong with him.

his father and mother were both empathetic guides, but they were rarely by each other's sides. they had their own sentinels to take care of, as if his parents were from two separate pairs to create him.

create, because birth would imply a meaning deeper than they show. traded off between the two families, left at home in fear of disrupting their time together.

he's learned to be quiet so that they'll bring him, and learned to guide the not-quite second pair of parents into a manageable state. it doesn't really work, and the adult guides have to step in to fix whatever he couldn't. he doesn't know how to fix emotions, either.

luckily, he's the only child between the two families. if there were more, he wouldn't have such an easy time.

it's his first day in elementary when he meets him. a sentinel, who effortlessly listened to the sounds of nature, or the fan, or even faint knocking on wood and created songs. who's eyes were clear, and always, always focused on the pink-haired guide.

ivan is a broken guide. he doesn't know how to express feelings, let alone fix them like he's expected to do. he can blindly tune senses, the only evidence of him being a guide. mizi isn't, yet she befriends him all the same. they quickly became best friends, and ivan sets his focus on the sentinel.

so he steals from the sentinel. his pencil, a paper, scissors. before the sentinel becomes too angry, he uses his innate ability to calm him down. if this is all he can do, then so be it.

ivan flourishes as a guide, as if he were blessed by a god. his talent for calming both senses and emotions are praised by his parents, and he doesn't tell them it's because he's been practicing with a sentinel he fell for. he becomes his friend, he grows with him, he recites the name in his mouth at night.

in high school, ivan can look at himself in the mirror and say; i'm an empathetic guide sentinel. i'm not broken, because i can fix senses and heal emotions. and it's all for him - for till.

=====

till is the best sentinel in town. he can see farther, hear more, smell the discrepancies in the air, taste each seasoning in food, feel even the molecules. when he was young, his father had told him to find a guide who can handle him similarly.

his father, perhaps, was like that when he was younger. till isn't able to tell, however. there's no guide in their household, only bottles of beer and cigarettes. it'd be worse, perhaps, if till wanted anything to do with that. he avoids his house like the plague. it was as if he could be intoxicated by the smell of alcohol, high on the lingering smoke of cigarettes.

when he was younger, back in the very first day of elementary, he met a guide that seemed to be made for him. she smelled of flowers, the nature, and had colors that was missing from his life. her outfits were always a bright shade, and her pink hair easily drew in attention.

and with her came her best friend. he didn't really care about him, but he made it his business to annoy till. incessant chattering, missing stationary, an invasion of personal space. he could endure it, however, if he was mizi's best friend.

the day he really notices him is a field trip in middle school. their science class took a trip to a rural town to observe a meteor shower in clear night skies.

till doesn't remember what set him off, but he ran away, blinded by his overwhelming senses. the forest was thick, and he would've gotten lost. no one had noticed him going missing other than him.

he ran after till, dropping candies so he wouldn't lose his way. when till collapsed on the ground, he wrapped his mind in a steam-like haze and his senses in a warm blanket. in the cold night, it felt as if till were in a sauna or in his bed at home.

they watched the meteor shower together, then followed the trail of candies - picking up each one as they went - back to the rest of the class seamlessly.

when mizi found a lover, he found his heart breaking, but not as much as he had thought. perhaps it was due to ivan's guiding, when he went to ivan for comfort the moment he found out.

a smaller, but no less strong flame had taken hold of his heart. it wasn't a feeling any different than the night of the meteor shower.

=====

mizi had lived a content life as a guide. she grew up in a loving household, and often hiked or played sports with her parents. it, perhaps, was further enhanced by a fellow guide; sua.

she had many friends. there was ivan, her best friend, and an empathetic guide. sometimes, she remembered him struggling in guiding, but whenever she looks at him now all she sees is glowing success.

there was also till, who she noticed lived in harsh conditions. she couldn't help getting close to comfort him, and flowers to wash away the faint smell of smoke and alcohol that clung to him. eventually, she weaned off of caring for him. after all, he had ivan.

the most special friend of hers was sua. it was preschool, before she had met ivan and till. in the playground, one day, mizi had been playing alone. everyone else's attention was caught on the newly built playsets, so no one was near the fields and she grew bored.

as if it were morning, she could hear singing in the woods. there weren't any birds, no, it was a girl her age. was it the lyrics that drew her in, or the sight? or was it her voice? mizi would say it was all of it.

hiding behind a tree, mizi watched her. this continued for the next day, then the next, and for another week until mizi had grasped onto the lyrics. one magical day, when mizi had gathered all her courage, she sang along.

they became fast friends, from elementary to middle school, then to high school, they were practically inseparable. it was a magical first love, from crushes to dating.

their first kiss was as magical as the movies, yet somehow ordinary. they were in the fields, early spring. flowers sprouted from the ground, and they had become engrossed in weaving flower crowns for one another. they traded the crowns, leaned in too far, and their lips met.

that day, they started dating. holding hands, kisses on cheeks and lips, outings to cafes and amusement parks, they did it all.

=====

sua was a guide, and a trophy in her family. she was brought to dinners, and enrolled in a prestigious preschool. she didn't have worries, for even if she held no love she held their eyes.

and, well, she had her. in preschool, when she was hiding away so she could sing, a voice had joined her in the chorus. violet met gold, and the scent of flowers wafted in the wind. a lifelong companionship had been forged that day.

it wasn't too long, however, until she heard about a cousin from her parents. a year or two after entering elementary school, her mother gushed about her cousin; an empathetic guide who's talents could rival masters.

she never found out who this cousin was. instead, she began to ignore her family and spend more and more time with mizi, even if that meant spending time with till and ivan. sua had found it silly that it was a group of three guides and one sentinel, and the sentinel wasn't particularly difficult.

perhaps it was because she was raised on the idea that sentinel and guides were the primary relationship goal. beside mizi, however, her thoughts reworked. why couldn't sua be in love with mizi?

so, one day in early spring, she purposely leaned in a bit too far. their lips touched, and it felt as though flowers bloomed. sua had begun dating mizi, and it was more than she dreamed of.

and, as sua's relationship with her parents broke, her and mizi's grew stronger. in the end, she practically moved in with mizi with how often she stayed at her house, pursued education in the same city, and never once parted from mizi's side.

#sentinel au #alien stage #alnst ivan #alnst till #alnst #alnst mizi #alnst sua #ivantill #suamizi #mizisua #tillivan

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sunfyresrider · 1 year ago

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First Love/Late Spring - Chapter One

Lo'ak Sully x Fem!Metkayina!Reader

Summary: You would do anything he asked if he said he loved you, but his heart belonged to someone else. Tags: Angst, unrequited love, miscommunication, arranged marriages, fluff, Lo'ak being Lo'ak, sibling jealously. I think that covers it but if I missed anything lmk! Translations: Lor - beautiful, Sa'nu - mama, Evi - child, Skxawng - idiot, Kehe - no, Sanhi - bioluminescent freckles Author's Note: First time writing for this boy/fandom, so critiques are welcomed. This was heavily inspired by Amy x Laurie's relationship in Little Women and Mitski's song (the title of the fic)

“What is wrong?” Lo’ak inquired, watching you pace inside of your marui. You forgot his presence inside your tent, too busy letting your thoughts consume you. “I am a failure,” you huffed out. You had never been as good as your sister at little things, you blamed it on your big fingers.

She was better at you than everything, always the jewel in your mother's eye. Tsireya could bead, braid, heal, sing, dance and was exceptional at all of it. Her personality was so soft, kind, gentle and wise… Everything the future Tshaik needed to be. It was no wonder the boy you admired from afar preferred her., You probably would too.

You weren’t jealous, at least that’s what you told yourself, It was never her fault. There were perks to being second born: lack of expectations, no overbearing parents, and freedom to do almost anything you wanted. Your mother was still encouraging you to mate with Txayì, seeing as you were the last of your siblings to be promised to someone.

He was an amazing friend, thoughtful, attentive and extremely dutiful. Txayì always did what was asked of him with no complaints, something you could not fathom doing. In truth, he was far too good for you, and he deserved someone who wasn’t pining after someone she could not obtain.

You’ve loved Lo’ak since he first arrived at your village seven long years ago, running from the sky people who hunted his family. He wasn’t a mighty warrior like his brother nor was he outwardly charming like his father, but he had a strong heart. Lo’ak brought excitement to your life, adventures you would have never dared to go on before his arrival.

His human nature, jokes and quirks, are what made him so endearing. You loved his lopsided smile that curved upwards when he found something amusing, the way he used his hands when he talked. It was no secret that your eyes followed him when he walked by, that his voice made your heart flutter or the way his dark hair fell into his eyes.

If Lo’ak asked you to jump off of a cliff with him, you doubted that you’d have the sense of mind to reject him. Thinking of him in this way made your heart ache, an invisible pressure on your chest that refused to abate. It was your feelings for him that made you miserable for most of your life. Your crush that you buried, unable to move forward with any other man as long as he lived. You would never want to confess it; he was in love with your sister.

Every moment they spent together slowly broke down your resolve, your infatuation growing into something you couldn't ignore anymore. It seemed Ewya took noticed and decided to ease your torture, cease the pain momentarily. Tsireya had found a mate, one that both of your parents adored. She seemed to have no quarrels about marrying him and leaving Lo’ak behind.

Both of you were destined to never be able to be with the ones your heart desired. “I am no mighty warrior, amazing singer or dancer. I am mediocre at best… at literally everything.” You turned on your heel, outstretched your arms, “Tsireya can do it all, sing, dance, braid, heal and everything a Tsahik should be. Aonung is a great hunter and warrior, destined to be Olo'eyktan. I’m just the second born, forgotten child with no clear path.”

You lowered your arms to your side and let out a sigh, trying to find some air that wasn't saturated with the weight of your troubles., You were hopeless. “You know, you are way funnier than both. You could be a comedian or jewelry maker- ow!” You slapped his hand, stern eyes boring into him. “I’m being serious, Lo’ak… what’s a comedian?”

He rubbed his hand, acting like it was actually injured and not just a playful slap. “It’s a human thing. Listen, I think you’re grossly underestimating how cool you are.” You scrunch your brows at his comment, not sure if you were being complimented or insulted.

Lo'ak's expression turned serious, watching your features closely, “I’ve been second best to Neteyam all my life and after the incident with Payakan my future isn’t looking too bright either.” He pressed his lips together, a forlorn look in his eyes, the one you grew up seeing whenever his brother's name was mentioned.

You let out a deep sigh, “but you swore he isn’t evil right? When the clan realizes you’re telling the truth, you could be known as the first Ttulkun rider and become legend… I want to be great or nothing at all.” Lo’ak‘s brows furrowed together, “so you believe mating with Txayì will bring you to greatness?”

“Don’t make fun. I think it would make my parents proud of me at least.” You watched him cross his arms across his chest and pout, it was incredibly cute. “Odd coming from someone who spits in the face of tradition.” You scoffed and gave him an incredulous look, “I do not spit in the face of tradition... Why do you care anyway?”

Lo'ak paused for a second, seeming to mull over his thoughts before answering. "I have no issue with it as long you love him.” You sucked in a breath, a sharp pain shooting through your chest. Lo’ak cocked his head to the side, noticing your expression, and quickly added, "and it doesn't seem like you do, not from your reaction."

“And do you have someone else in mind, O' wise one?” You crossed your arms and peered down at him with a smirk. “I’m just saying, If you really think you'll never amount to anything then why not mate with me. Like you said… I’m gonna be the first Tulkan rider.”

Your cheeks were beginning to heat up and you looked away from his gaze. He was joking but you were unable to hide the small flicker of hope that bloomed inside your chest. Your heart started to beat faster, the idea of marrying Lo'ak was enticing, something that would have never occurred to you before now.

You noticed Lo'ak had been more touchy than normal, flirtier even, but you blamed it on the lack of attention he was receiving from your sister. He didn't have any other options and your heart was fragile at the moment, so you played it off as nothing more than a joke. He would always belong to your sister, and you would never be able to hold a candle to her. “I should have known not to come to you with serious matters.” You gave him a disapproving look before continuing.

You stalked forward, picking up the beaded top you made just days earlier. It was a mixture of beautiful blues and white shells, a necklace honestly too beautiful to be worn by you. “Help me fasten this before I have to go.” You were happy to change the subject and focus on anything else.

Lo'ak walked forward, his body moving slowly like he was testing the waters, his fingers grazing your back. His touch sent chills down your spine and butterflies in your stomach. You tried to focus on the task at hand, you're a big girl and you're not a child anymore. “Why are you wearing something like this?”

Lo’ak’s head hovered above yours, his voice deep, reverberating within you. It was impossible to not feel the heat of his breath as it cascaded down your neck, his hands still on your back, gently running along the edge of your tunic. You cleared your throat, pulling away from him and twirling around. “I made it yesterday, what do you think?”

“it’s beautiful… you’re beautiful,” his voice trailed off, his gaze was soft and full of something you could not place. It wasn't lust or adoration, more longing than anything else. “Thank you, Lo’ak.” You whispered, almost unable to get the words out of your mouth. You shook your head, forcing yourself back into reality. “I have to go help my mother; I’ll see you soon yeah?” He gave you a soft smile and quick nod before opening the flap to let you leave.

⋅•⋅⋅•⋅⊰⋅•⋅⋅•⋅⋅•⋅⋅•⋅∙∘☽༓☾∘∙•⋅⋅⋅•⋅⋅⊰⋅•⋅⋅•⋅⋅•⋅⋅

The return of the Tulkun signaled the return of clear skies and calm seas. Your spirit sister, Äiä, had grown even larger since her last visit. This year she was speaking to you about the next breeding cycle, deciding it was time for her to bear her first calf. You were excited for her, proud of how far she’s come from the lonely calf who stuck to her mother’s fin.

She was known for being the most dutiful yet filled with mischief she only showed to you. You spoke to Äiä about your own love life, seeking comfort in your sister. Of course, she preferred the boy who did not bond with the outcast. It was as if Ewya had planned it this way, not allowing you the luxury of happiness.

Even though you spent hours beneath the water with her, it still never felt as if it was long enough. Soon the morning sun faded into hues of purple and orange, signaling the night's approach. You wanted nothing more than to escape into the ocean and be with her.

However, your clan had other plans. You made your way to the mats, already prepared for the night, an empty place set for you next to Txayì. The arrival of the Tulkuns was celebrated every year, a moderately large feast and an abundance of music learned from Ewya herself.

The food was always welcome and the atmosphere always lively, a nice break from the monotony of daily life. “How was your spirit sister?” Txayì asked, his smile soft yet excited as he sat down next to you. You gave him a small smile, “she is well and hoping for a calf by next year.” He let out a hm, placing a palm on his chin.

"That's amazing, I hope she has a successful mating season." He answered, “I’m assuming you are wanting to follow her suit?” His voice was casual but there was a twinge of nervousness behind it. That was good, you didn’t enjoy overconfidence in men.

"Perhaps, if that is what Ewya wills.” You responded with a shrug. Txayì gave you a soft nod and a small smile. You’re returned to tearing the fish on your plate apart, staring at the Sulli family sitting across the fire. Lo’ak was staring right back, giving you a sly grin.

You rolled your eyes and gave him a quick wave, only causing him to smirk more. Neteyam grasped his neck, whispering something in his ear with a huge grin plastered on his face. Lo'ak scoffed and playfully pushed Neteyam, sending him into a fit of giggles. You shook your head, forcing yourself to look away from them.

"I think you should start the evening with a dance,” your mother nodded in the direction of the man next to you, it was not a suggestion and more of a command. You begrudgingly rose from your mat and stepped over Txayì, your hand grazed his own as you walked by him, an invitation for you to join him for a dance.

You spun around with a wide smile, outstretching your arms preparing to move. The sounds of the flute and drums sending vibrations through you. You closed your eyes, enjoying the beats of the music as it filled your ears. Your body started to move on its own accord, moving with the music.

Dancing was like swimming, the rhythm flowing through you as the water did, pushing and pulling you to where it desired. You let it carry you, jumping and twirling in its current. Your movements were fluid and elegant as you continued to move with the beat. Txayì’s eyes seemed to be transfixed, captivated by the sight.

You smiled genuinely as you continued your dance, it felt like an outpouring of your soul. He was not as bad of a dancer as you thought, vastly more graceful than Ao’nung who was tripping over his feet in the corner. You felt someone's gaze on your back, eyes watching all of your moves.

Your feet spun you around, staring back at the person who was disrupting your dance. Your smile faltered when you realized it was Lo'ak, his face shrouded in an unknown emotion. You followed his eyes to the man behind you, staring back at him with the same intensity.

"Who is that?" Txayì asked, his voice low and his tone laced with suspicion. "Lo’ak," you replied, shifting your gaze back to Lo'ak who was now getting up to leave the excitement. You sucked in a breath and met his gaze, placing a hand on his arm. "I’ll be right back."

You chased after Lo’ak, following him further outside the village. His movements began to slow as he reached the tree groves. "What are you doing?" You huffed, trying to keep up with him. "Lo'ak, wait for me," you tried again. “What is your problem?” You snapped at him, planting your feet in the sand.

He finally glanced at you, his gaze softening ever so slightly. "Nothing,” He muttered, turning around to walk away. "Stop being a brat and talk to me," you grasped his arm, pulling him so he was forced to look at you. He took a deep breath, raising his head as if praying to Ewya for strength. "I don't like him," His lips formed into a small pout, reminding you of a child. “Who?”

"Txayì," he scoffed, “the golden boy,” he mocked. You furrowed your brows together, "what has he done to spurn you?” You asked, placing a hand on his shoulder. "I don’t believe he’s right for you and you’re wasting both your time trying.” Your hand dropped back to your side, face losing its once worried expression,

“I genuinely do not understand your sudden interest in who I mate with,” you said unamused. He gave you a deep frown and a sigh, his eyes drifting down to your chest. His fingers moved upwards to trace the beads concealing your chest, “this is the one you made earlier, yes?”

Your body tensed, the air between the two of you shifting into something more serious, “Yes but don’t change the subject.” He didn't answer your question, his fingers gently tugging at the necklace around your neck. “It looks really good on you.” You sucked in a breath, your eyes following his.

“You are deflecting,” you said, trying to hold your ground. “Do you really like him,” Lo'ak asked, his voice so soft, it was almost inaudible. His eyes stayed low as he gazed at you, a silent plea behind them. “I haven’t given it much thought,” you started, meeting his stare.

"Not as much as my mother likes him, that’s for sure,” you grinned. Lo'ak smirked back, the air between you once again becoming lighter. "She does have interesting taste in mates," he smiled to himself. You giggled with him, his demeanor changing from somber to cheerful in an instant. "Was that all that bothered you?”

“Nah. you lied and told me you sucked at dancing like me, but you made everyone else look like real fish out of water.” You laughed at his childish remark. It wasn't often you laughed that hard, a pleasant sound leaving your lips. He smiled at you, his gaze softening as his eyes studied your features. “Ah, I see,” you said, tapping your fingers on your chin.

“You’re just jealous I’m better than you,” you teased. His lips parted in an offended gasp, “no way, not even close. You’ve never even danced with me before.” You giggled as his hand went to his chest. "Oh, great Lo'ak, you humble me." You bowed before him, exaggerating your movements.

"Stop with the theatrics and dance with me already." He moved forward, taking ahold of your hands. "Your jokes are always terrible." You let out another laugh as he began leading. "Better than your pickup lines at least," you joked. His hands went to grip your waist, lifting you up in the air and spinning once. You squealed, he laughed in return, “you’ve never even heard them before!”

"I didn't need to hear them, I know you too well," you giggled. Lo’ak grasped your hands again, pulling you around in a circle. “This is a human dance! Much more advanced than what you were doing,” he declared. You rolled your eyes, trying not to focus on how warm his hands felt as they held you.

"Whatever you say," you continued to laugh, moving along with him. The two of you twirled around the area, his smile becoming a permanent feature on his face. You noted a few things about human dancing, it was sporadic and spontaneous, you touched each other continuously throughout it, and it was joyful and lighthearted. You had not noticed it before but the music that filled the village seemed to fade, the only sounds being those from your lips. The rest of the world was drowned out as you continued to dance, his body moving with yours, never separating.

You hadn't noticed your surroundings, not until you stumbled into the base of the tree. He moved to steady you, but his balance was far off as well, knocking into you as you stumbled backwards. You let out a sharp gasp, gripping onto his arm for support as you hit the ground.

He hovered over you, his tail twisted under your leg and his knees incasing you. “I thought you said you were a good dancer,” you groaned. You gazed up at him, his features illuminated by the moonlight, his eyes widened, and his lips parted. "Huh?”

Lo’ak looked ethereal in the lighting of twilight, his sanhì decorating his face. The air between you shifted, the heat radiating off his body shrouding you. His eyes followed yours down to his lips, your labored breaths synchronizing. It was as if you were in a trance, the world around you becoming nonexistent. You had long since stopped moving, entranced by his presence, his scent surrounding you. He began to lean in closer, his eyes beginning to flutter shut.

“Little bro! Where did you run off to?!” Neteyam’s voice startled you both. You jerked your head away from him, pushing him off of you as you rose to your feet. Lo'ak sighed in frustration, a hand going to his face, rubbing it gently, “over here, bro!”

Neteyam rushed up to the two of you, his gaze switching between the two of you, an amused grin on his face. You stood up, fixing your braid that had fallen out of place. “Neteyam,” you nodded, “I’m going to go back before my mother sends a search party.”

Neteyam moved aside, giving you space to walk past him, his gaze still stuck on Lo'ak. "I see you are taking my brotherly advice," he giggled, glancing at his brother. Lo'ak looked up at Neteyam and groaned, falling back into the sand. “You are a cockblock."

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Ronal roughly pulled her fingers through your hair, untangling the knots that had formed overnight. You stared out of the Marui, watching the rain drops disrupt the water, the sky was darkening, a major storm brewing. "Ma evi, you have the unruliest hair out of the clan,” she huffed.

“Can you braid it this time, sa‘nu?” She gave you a quick nod and kept running her fingers through your hair. Your eyes traveled to the horizon, watching Lo’ak attempting tricks with his ilu. Your siblings and all three of his observing him, Ao’nung no doubt goading him on.

He was so reckless sometimes, always pushing his luck. If something happened to Lo'ak you wouldn't know how you'd cope with the loss. You may just pray Ewya takes you with him instead. You glanced down at the necklace that hung around your neck, a sharp pain shooting through your chest.

The past few nights you’ve been haunted by the memory of the other night, the huge mistake you almost made while in a daze.

Lo'ak was everything you wanted, yet so far out of your grasp, too far to reach. You were terrified, your future with Txayì was decided, yet your heart still pined for Lo'ak. However, as you watched him interact with your sister, the radiant smile adorning her face, his own just as bright as the sun, you knew the truth. The other night was just an attempt to heal his heart from her previous rejection.

"You are too quiet," Your mother ceased her braiding and moved her body around yours. "Apologies, I am just thinking.” You responded, meeting your mothers gaze. Her brows were furrowed together, and her lips were pursed in thought. "Thinking about…?" She prompted you to continue. "Txayì and our future.” You stated, lowering your eyes to the floor, unable to meet her gaze.

She hummed, continuing her work, "I know you better than you know yourself, evi. You are worried about the forest boy and your future with him." You shifted on your mat, meeting her stare. “w-what? No, I just-" You stammered, not able to find your words.

"Let me speak before you lie more to me.” She commanded, a knowing look in her eyes. You sucked in a breath, your body stilling in its spot. “Your father and I will not force you to be with someone you do not want,” she paused, carefully choosing her words.

"But Txayì will bring you much more happiness and stability in the future." She met your gaze, a stern look plastered on her face. “Lo’ak has bonded with the outcast. If you choose him, I fear your life will be filled with pain and turmoil you could avoid.” You sucked in a breath and tried to hold back tears, unable to respond.

Your mother reached forward, placing a warm palm on your cheek, her touch gentle yet strong, just like her. "You deserve to be happy with whom you wish, but you need to understand what you will lose as well as what you will gain and if that is truly worth it.” You gave her a soft nod, not wanting to voice your answer. Your mother released her hand, your face feeling cold in the absence of her touch.

She smiled and moved back to finish your hair. "Meet with Txayì tonight and make your choice later." She tugged at your hair, securing the last of your braids. You felt your stomach churn at the thought and the small bubble of hope that had bloomed inside your chest popping.

You felt as though you were spilt in two, the currents in your heart ripping you in opposite directions. A part of you yearned for the easy route, the best choice for a promising future. It appeared bright and rosy like a flower that had just bloomed, a vision of Txayì always being there for you.

Your heart didn't agree, however, it pined for the outcast, the Omatikaya boy who held a permanent residence in your mind. It wanted nothing more than to be with him, to live in his chaos and venture into the unknown with him. It didn’t frighten you, the unforeseen and the dangerous future that would eventually befall your life, but you would follow Lo'ak anywhere, regardless of what would await you, as long as he chose you.

But he would not choose you. No matter how much you wished for him, he would always pick your sister. You would never be able to compete with her, you didn't possess the same charm or grace as Tsireya. You've seen his eyes wander in the past and you knew it wasn't only the necklace that had him captivated.

You would be no more than second best as always. You would continue to be the shadow to her light, and you could not begrudge him for preferring it. As you stood to leave your mothers gaze followed you, the slight frown she had on her face made your heart sink. "I will go and meet Txayì, sa’nu. I'm sure he has many good qualities I have yet to see." You gave her a weak smile before turning to exit the marui.

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You ventured outside the reef with Txayì, following suit as he spoke endlessly about his own life. It was hard to listen when your mind was some place far away, thinking of someone out of reach. He was doing his utmost to impress you, wanting to be seen as someone worthy of your time.

And he was worth your time, that is but you were not worth his. It was as your mother had been saying, he was a mighty warrior and a superb hunter. Txayì was handsome, adorned with thick thighs and muscular arms, much different from Lo’ak. You liked to think Lo'ak's features were more refined, more delicate yet still masculine and appealing.

Txayì proved himself to be loyal, trustworthy, a true leader with a good soul and a promising future. He spoke about the many great achievements he had under his belt, the great stories he's heard from outside the reef and what he's seen. Txayì seemed to be interested in the few things you spoke of as well, listening intently and absorbing every syllable you uttered.

The two of you spent most of the morning together, but not once did he make an advance towards you. He seemed to be genuine, but did not possess the charm that Lo'ak did, lacking the charisma and playfulness that made you smile and made your heart flutter. That no longer mattered, you tried to convince yourself.

You had to make a choice soon, to choose what would bring you the most stability, regardless of what you would be leaving behind. "So will I see you later?" Txayì asked, stopping his movements on the shore and turning his head to face you.

"Yes, I’m sure my mother would love for you to sit with us at the evening meal." You answered, giving him a weak smile, unable to commit to a real one. He gave you an enthusiastic nod, "good. I look forward to getting to know you all better.” He placed a hand on your shoulder, squeezing it as he said his goodbyes.

You gave him a quick nod and a tight smile before bidding him farewell. You watched as he left, his form getting smaller as he headed back onto shore. You took a deep breath, trying to calm the nervousness that was building in your gut. This is a good match, you told yourself.

After you had properly cleaned yourself, you escaped to a corner of the beach. The sum was at its highest, its orange glow reflecting off of the water. You dragged a satchel of bead, shells and various materials to make jewelry. Eventually, you needed to craft a courting present for your future mate. But for now, you intended to spend the rest of the day finishing the ones you had already started.

At some point your fingers began to ache from how long you had been braiding the strands of the jewelry together. You had never been meticulous about the bracelets you made but this was a gift. The shells you chose were shades of blue and cerulean, accompanied by nearly translucent beads you stole from Tsireya’s stash. It was coming together nicely, you thought to yourself.

The soft sounds of sand rusting behind you tore you from your thoughts. Still, you chose to ignore the person quickly approaching. “Why so blue?” Lo’ak’s voice rang in your eyes as he sat down in front of you, legs crossed. A shit eating grin plastering his face. “You’re not funny skxawng,” you scoffed whilst stifling a laugh.

His eyebrows lifted as he gazed into your lap. “Are those bracelets? For whom?” You tossed the eldest one at him, ignoring his expression. “I never got the chance to give that one to you,” you spoke in a hushed tone. You focused on finishing the most recent one, tying an Amber colored stone onto it. “This is for you too,” you spun around to face him, watching him intently as his fingers ran over the beads.

Lo'ak looked up at you, eyes widening. You could feel yourself grow more anxious, fidgeting with your fingers and swallowing hard as you tried to keep yourself calm. You spoke fast, interrupting him before he could finish his train of thought. “They’re meant to represent you, the first is to represent the forest when you were an Omatikaya… This one is to represent you as a Metkayina.”

You were unable to speak as he slowly clasped it around his wrist. He rubbed the surface of it gently, a soft smile painted his lips. “They’re beautiful, thank you… shouldn't you be making these for Txayì?” he teased, speaking in a soft voice.

You shrugged, averting your eyes, “Yes.” You felt a lump in your throat at the thought of him, the thought of your future. “What is he doing these days? I haven’t seen him around.” Lo'ak looked towards the horizon, eyes narrowing as if he could see all of the way to your village. “I would assume he was training with my father.”

Lo’ak stood up, pacing around you and softly disturbing the sand. His tail swayed, as if he was upset hearing about your future mate. You remained silent, only observing his behavior. He spoke again, his voice hushed, eyes focused on the ground. You could see the change in his demeanor, the stiffness in his shoulders, “Don’t mate with him.”

“Not this again…” you glanced up at him, his face laced with seriousness. You pushed yourself off of the sand and gazed at him. “Why?” Lo’ak stalked forward, placing his hands on your shoulders as if to hold you in place. “You know why, lor.”

You looked up at him, swallowing hard as you felt his warm fingers grip your arms. You stared into his eyes, noticing his dark pupils slowly dilated. Your mouth turned down into a frown, tears threatening to escape your eyes. Lo’ak was giving you false hope, pretending he desired you. “That’s enough, Lo’ak.”

You attempted to pull away, but he moved closer, trying to pull you back in. He began whispering sweet nothings towards you, his eyes as gentle as his voice. You took a step back and moved out of his grip, "Kehe! Lo’ak! You know better!” your voice trailed off, “I have been second to Tsireya my entire life. I will not be the mate you settle for just because you cannot have her!”

His face fell, a pained expression appeared on his face as he moved to embrace you. You ignored what your heart yearned for and stalked off in the other direction. Your harsh words cut deep within Lo’ak’s flesh, leaving unseen marks on his heart. He loathed when you were upset with him, especially when he was the cause of it. Lo'ak assumed after the other night you were riding the same wave, obviously not. His tail wrapped around himself as he sat on the sand, the droplets of rain beginning to soak his hair.

He understood the pain of being second to his sibling and never being someone’s first choice. But he had also wanted you for much longer than you realized. He’ll admit Tsireya was an amazing friend, and truly helped him learn how to be one of the people. But that was all she was to him, a friend.

Not to mention Txayì would never be able to make you happy, he was too bland and far too perfect. You’d get bored of him after a few moon cycles and regret choosing him for the rest of his life. The thought alone was driving him insane and everyone around him knew it.

How could he make you see him? To understand just how much he yearned for you too. That you took up the most space in his heart and head, leaving little room for any other thought. He sighed deeply, falling back onto the sand and staring up at the darkened sky. Lo’ak closed his eyes, fantasizing a future that was so close yet completely untouchable.

To be continued….

#lo'ak te suli tsyeyk'itan #lo'ak sully #lo'ak x y/n #lo'ak x reader #lo'ak x fem!reader #lo'ak fluff #lo'ak angst #lo'ak fic #atwow loak #loak x reader #loak x you #lo'ak x you #loak sully #avatar the way of water #atwow fanfiction #atwow x reader

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