#Healing Songs for Unrequited Love | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

neonovember · 1 month ago

Note

This is an idea that’s been on my mind lately because Carmy would be so protective and would 100% treat his gf like a princess, so I thought I’d send it in ifs it’s okay!!🤧

Can I please request Carmy x fem!reader where it’s based off the song “Treat You Better”, where she’s one of his chefs, and Carmy has a biiiig soft spot for her, like soft smiles, hand on the small of her back. Y/n is veryyyy soft spoken and quiet, a very stark contrast to the rest of The Beef/The Bear staff. The staff absolutely love her and are super protective of her: She’s best friends with Sydney (also she’s around the same age as Syd, early 20s), Tina sees her as a daughter, Marcus is always trying to make her laugh and asks her to try his pastries, Richie is more gentle with her than he is with everyone else, Ebra has a calmness around Y/n, Sugar (when she stops by) loves treating Y/n like the little sister she never had, and Carmy… Carmy is head over heels for Y/n. He’s so soft and gentle with her, never raising his voice at her in the kitchen, and he always has the cutest nicknames for her🤧. However… Y/n has a boyfriend, they all know it, and they all share an extreme dislike for him. He’s not very nice, and it all goes to a boiling point when they spot bruises, Y/n letting her hair fall over her face.🥺 Tina and Sydney probably noticing right as she walks in one morning, then the rest of the staff noticing too, the whole kitchen getting eerily quiet, Carmy pulling her aside to his office to talk to her, holding Y/n in his arms while she cries🥺 Carmy 100% taking his bat and beating the crap out of her bf… Now ex, and he offers for Y/n to stay with him because she has nowhere to go? Their relationship growing after that? Y/n kissing him one day, shook at herself, but he kisses her back?

July in November

carmen berzatto x fem! reader

warnings: heavy domestic abuse, controlling fiance, swearing, violence, carmen goes gives absolute no regard for felonies, (assumed) unrequited love, self deprecation, victim blaming

a/n: this entire fic is just time skips l swear, I've written something similar here as well if you liked this which i hope you did! dv is a heavy subject, and not something to trivialise. if you or someone you know is going through dv, please reach out x

banner from @firefly-graphics

The streaks of concealer do little to hide the bloom of dark purples and blues.

They stretch out, clawing up your side and past your ribs, shades of overlapping blotched bruises that were not yet healed.

You were a chef trained in Oslo for god sake, you had friends and family who loved you- and you let out a laugh when the words come out pathetic and dull.

You were right where he left you.

You suppose from the continuous uphill of your career, the exhaustion had made it easier to just sit still, let it happen. He had proposed and you had said yes unblinking. It was what he told the countless people at dinner parties he dragged you to in attendance,

“I had finally beat her down enough to finally fall in love with me” He smiled, his eyes shining and his grip on your waist bruising as the people smiled and laughed and you swallowed back his irony.

The cycles of abuse had started before you could truly remember, bouts of angry yelling before the hot dull beat of pain. And he was so kind after, so thoughtful and apologetic, his eyebrows furrowed and his touch gentle as he leaned over you.

Were you still a victim, if you wanted to stay just for the after?

You shake your head, slowly blinking at the reflection of your bloated torso. Peeling away your shirt gently before buttoning up one of your work shirts instead.

Your heart settled when you thought of the Bear. It was your haven, Richie’s rambled drivel, Sugar hovering every so near, Carmen with his eyes and his inked hands and his sweet mouth. It wrapped around you more tightly than those bruises ever could.

You look over to watch your fiancé, fast asleep content with a full stomach and tired fists. He was so vulnerable like that, and the feeling of anger unfurls in your gut. For once, just one time you wanted him to feel it, that gut wrenching frightened feeling.

You look over to the stone doorstep near his desk, the stupid thing that he had revered at one of his art conventions that was left keeping the door open. You wonder, just for a second, what it would feel like to lean over him with it between your hands, waiting for the slight blink of his eyes that clear away the sleep.

Watch the fear melt into them, and smashing his fucking face with it.

You breathe deeply, arranging your hair so it is out of your face, flattening out the creases in your shit and avoiding your stomach as you stood up and grabbed your bag.

“Where are you going”

You blink, hands gripping your work bag as his voice bellows “Work”

“Huh. We need to sort that out soon”

You stopped, closing your eyes as you fiddled with the loose threads from the shoulder strap. You knew this conversation, where he would bring up another thing in your life he wanted to talk about, as if your relationship was built on a solid base of understanding and conversation. You would wait until his voice would ripen with jealousy and rage, where thinly veiled inquisition would fall away and reveal what he truly wanted.

You had given him enough of your life, let him change and control it. But you would soon let yourself be buried then let him take this too from you. No fucking way.

“Sure”

You pass by the door, pushing the stone to the side. It wasn’t heavy at all.

It’s when you enter the back door of the Bear do you realise you’ve spent your whole commute over holding your breath.

The smells of sauces and expensive meats lulls your anxiety into a mummering tremble, and you sigh softly to yourself as you sling your bag into your locker.

You can already hear Richie arguing, and the tired voice of Carmen biting back and you want to slap yourself for all the times you had grown annoyed at them. What you would give to hear them always, to feel this level of safety and comfort without the overhanging timer of when you would eventually have to leave.

You nod towards Sydney, carrying a large tray of roasted pecans over to Sam, her braids intricately wrapped around her head.

The walkway is framed with pictures of the family, from Mickey to the recent Polaroids of Sugar's newborn. You notice a framed picture of the team from years ago, when you had first started working at the Bear. You’re squished between Carmen and Fak, the backdrop of a renovating Bear behind you all.

The timidiness of being new had not left then, and despite the family enveloping you as their own you had wondered why Carmen had chosen you out of all the decorated chefs that had surely applied. You had asked him this once, after an exhausting dinner rush and he had simply looked up at you from his plate of stolen steak and eggs.

“You’ve got something, Kid. Maybe it’s because you hadn’t yet gotten the light beaten out from the culinary world but I need that. Need someone who pushes against the boundaries you know?”

You had stayed quiet as he talked

“And you’re a local. Boston isn’t for the faint of heart, you know your diners better than they know themselves. Call it prejudice, I call it a safety cushion.“

You wondered what she would think of you now, her wide eyed dream so close you could see her tight grip on her chef coat in the grainy photograph.

You follow the noise of the crew into the kitchen, when Carmen is hunched over a chopping board and Richie is pointing out problems in the seating arrangement for tonight.

He exhales, ready to start another contingent when he spots your figure walking through the entryway.

“Finally. Someone fucking competent in this place”

“Hey Richie” You smile, tightening your apron before biting back a wince. The darkness of your life outside of the Bear had a way of seeping in at times, you had grown too comfortable.

“Hey baby, you good? yeah?” Richie replies

“Richie-“ Carmen interrupts, turning his head to face you for the first time in an hour (which you did not realise but Riche surely did)

“Fuck off. Fuck you. You sure baby? Need me to get you somethin? I got a pack of Marlboros if you need a break”

“Leave her alone, dammit Richie, and a cigarette this early?”

“Oh! Oh! The addict wants to act holier than thou all of a sudden. Just because you slapped on a couple Nic patches-“

“It’s gum and it’s fucking working asshole”

“The L hold you up?” Richie says, throwing the finger at Carmen

“No, no, um, just got in a little fight with David” You reply, cutting your eyes away from him.

Richie rolls his eyes with a groan, a sour expression filters over his face in flash at the mention of your fiance’s name.

“That fuckin’ guy, I swear that boyfriend of yours” Richie groans

“It was my fault really.”

You notice Carmen’s movements stop abruptly, the chopping growing silent with his back turned to you.

“I highly doubt that” Carmen grumbles, before Tina and Sydney come through the door

“Hey, why were you late you missed out on that guy who tried fighting Fak-”

“Her stupid fucking boyfriend”

“Easy” Carmen replies, turning to face you again

“Hey, c’mon Carmen you of all people know that man does not deserve her one fucking bit”

“Darling you need to get rid of that man I’m telling you, he ain't treating you the way you deserve. There's no good keeping an angry man” Tina chides, eyebrows raised as she wipes her fingers on the cloth draped over her shoulder.

“Yeah, he's a dick. And he’s always just…hovering when he comes.” Sydney replies

“And always talk in this condescending tone, adding random words to sound smarter than he is” Marcus’s voice interjects, peeking from around the pastry corner

“Like pseudo-intellectual goddamn-” Tina grumbles, in lightning speed

“Yuppie” Fak continues, and Tina nods

“All I’m saying doll, is that if you end up dumpin’ him we’d be right behind ya’. Might throw a little party here, a small one…how much does it cost to hire some fireworks?”

“Ease up guys, her love life ain’t got nothing to do with us alright. Let the girl be” Carmen voice bellows “And we got work to do”

He turns to the rest of them, shaking his head feigning annoyance at the team gathering together to gossip. And yet, his hands grip his towel tight enough to leave them white, and his teeth grind against his molars when he thinks of your boyfriend.

You don’t know how they'd react when they find out he proposed, you can’t exactly hide a ring.

“Hey” You smile towards Carmen, who’s twisted features blink into resolve when he hears you

“Hey” He nods, wincing as he pressed his fingers to his temple gingerly.

“Still got that headache?”

“I’ll be fine, just wish it would save the eye stabbing until after dinner service”

“Here”

“I’m alright-“

“Take it” you repeat, pressing some pain killers in his hand.

Carmen nods gratefully, hands clasped around yours for a second longer. Before they part.

He eyes the pills, and for a second you see this puzzled look gleam across his eyes.

He pops them in his mouth, you let out a breath from your chest quietly.

You kept your work and home life separate, Carmen didn’t need nor should carry the burden of this ugly secret that paints you from the inside out.

You had a lid on it. You were sure.

You let yourself get lost in the ingrained memory of moving around the kitchen, letting the slice of your knife against the flesh of meat and fruit melt away everything you had been shouldering the past year.

It gets busy, really busy, Richie and Carmen fail to cohabitate in the hours of the dinner service, multiple plates are dropped, you almost can’t keep up with the never ending orders coming in but its also fucking amazing. The rush of delivering every component of a plate in time, making sure the meat is cooked until just right, making sure the sauce isn't runny, it feels like dancing.

Your legs and arms ache, you have a headache and your apron is stained and you can’t tell the difference between the end of the dinner service and hitting the last step of a choreographed dance.

The high that buzzes through your body is mirrored by everyone around you, and you take a second to sink in that feeling of euphoria as the last tables are cleared.

“That was..” You start, un-hunching your shoulders as the rest of the team look up in a daze, surrounding the kitchen

“Fuckin’ amazing, might be our best night yet” Richie grins, bobbing his chin as it rests on his hands

“That was good..we could've been a bit better at turning the tables-” Carmen murmurs

“Oh c’mon Carmy, we can talk about the finalities later but even you can admit that was pretty good” Sydney calls out, leaning her head against the door frame, as exhausted pulls at her every feature

“Yeah…yeah it was good”

“No one go anywhere, I’ve got left over schnitzel and potatoes and I know none of you have taken a break”

“How long has it been since we’ve sat down for family?” Tina mumbles, wiping her stained apron tiredly

“Too long, I don’t mind fixin’ it up” You stretch out your arms, unbuttoning your chef's coat and folding it neatly, despite Sugar throwing them into the sink to soak for the night later.

“I’ll help” Carmen nods to you, doing the same with his apron. His dark crew neck that sticks to him reveals with every button, outlining the indentations of his chest and biceps.

Family usually consists of throwing whatever leftovers from the night's dinner service onto a large plate and proceeding to throw some forks near it. There had been a long trail of food combinations that either delighted the crew or had you throwing your towel in and going to the taco truck nearby.

Today however, the night had gone so well and had distracted you even better. You could at least make up some plates, make ‘em look pretty or whatever else your hands had been trained to do.

The rest of the team move the tables to form one large spanning diner in the middle of the Bear, the scrape of wood against flooring is all that fills the air as you and Carmen work silently. You’re good together, that sort of chemistry that only comes with understanding a person so well you can anticipate their next move. And the night feels like a dance again, moving left and right, handing him pieces of chicken and spoonfuls of sauce, wiping plates clean and centering them right.

It’s only when Richie comes tumbling through the double doors does it cause Carmen to jump, spilling the ladle of hot gravy across your shirt. You wince, Carmen lets out a garbled grunt and Richie cringes.

Carmen is quick, reaching for a nearby cloth as he begins to lift up your shirt gingerly. The sauce isn't boiling, but there is a slight stinging heat that radiates across your midsection and you're too distracted and uncomfortable that you forget yourself, and let Carmen reveal you.

It takes Carmen a second, he's pulling your shirt up just below your underbra, and his fingers pause against the fabric.

You’re confused just for a moment, but it stretches out, and you let yourself sit in the fantasy of unknowing, you let yourself imagine a life where what was sprawled across your skin was just the remnants of a soggy shirt and irritated skin.

The truth of it hits you when you watch Carmen's face change in front of you.

“What the fuck?”

“Don’t-”

“What?” Richie calls, coming closer before throwing his head back

“Jesus fuckin' christ kid”

“I-I we got into a fight-“

“A fight? He beat you!”

“You don’t understand-”

“Maybe I don’t but this-“ Carmen gestures to the welts and colours that paint your stomach “Is one of the worst things I’ve seen in a long time”

Carmen’s hands are still gripping your shirt, the rag dropped to the floor between you now as you lower your head and let your hair cover your eyes.

“I’m sorry-“ You croak out, tongue heavy and eyes blurring with tears.

“Sorry-?” Carmen circuses down to meet your eyes incredulously “You’re sorry? Why are you fucking sorry, look what he fucking did to you!- what has he done to you?”

“Hey hey, honey you need to tell us what happened. This isn’t right, no fight can justify this” Richie whispers, crouching near you as he watches Carmen carefully.

“It was an accident”

“Do you truly believe that?” Richie murmurs softly, and you look up with a furrow of your brow.

You turn to Carmen whose face is twisted in anger, his eyes on your midsection, his hands around your sides and around you.

“I don’t know anymore..I’m just so tired” You whimper, your throat growing tight as Carmen’s brows furrow, blinking and grinding his jaw

“I’m going to fucking kill him-“

“Hey, Carmen wait just- wait” Richie is quick to reach Carmen as he rears back

“Look at her- he can’t-FUCK”

“I know, and we will. I want to break his goddamn legs but we got to think of her. We need to get her out of this, we need to think about her first”

Carmen closes his eyes as you watch their interaction, and he turns to you as you blink the tears that drop down your cheek. He frowns and waits for your approval and you nod, and Richie lets go of him and he gathers you in his arms and lets you cry the last of your resolve on his shoulder.

You don’t tell him anything, and he doesn’t ask. He lets you wet his shoulder as the silence that sits in the kitchen is consumed by your muffled cries instead.

The commotion causes the rest of the team to flood in, putting the pieces together when they see your shoulders shaking with grief and your unbuttoned top. The bear hung with the sick reality of a beat woman, and the once hungry crew now felt the nauseous image in front of them fill their stomach.

Sydney is the one that eases you out of Carmen’s arms, and pulls your hair back as she whispers apologies into your ear. She takes you to the emergency room to make sure nothing is broken. When the nurses greet you by name she waits until you're in the examination room before sobbing into Tina’s arms.

“How did I not notice, I see her every goddamn day, how did I not notice he was hurting her?”

“Don’t do that, don’t blame yourself. There is only one person to blame”

The rest of the team follows, and they all sprawl across the waiting room, heads between their hands.

After one of the junior doctors gives you the all clear, and Carmen and Richie follow up on the police report you make your way down the linoleum hallway in the crumbled stained shirt that had started this all.

You blink as you watch the faces of everyone you love look up in worry, exhaustion is written into their bones and still they sit in the too small waiting chairs for you. You had never felt a love like that before, so profound and overwhelming clear and you breathe it in deeply like it's the last thing you’ll taste.

“I’m so sorry-”

“Don’t you fuckin dare-”

“I know, I know, just please hear me.”

They relent, and you wait until they all nod towards you before continuing

“You guys have taken me as your own, made me feel a part of something greater than myself. I don’t want you to think I was unloved” Your voice heightens with the wet tears that fill your throat

“Every single time I came through those doors I felt it okay? I never understood the power of it, of love, but I feel it now and I felt it then. It just got muddled in the middle of all of this, of all the things I keep hidden. And that is my fault, but you guys, the Bear? You guys kept me alive” You whisper the last part, your voice caught in your throat as you try to still the shake your hands.

“You did nothing wrong baby, nothing. It’s hard to leave isn’t it? It’s hard to even say it” Ebra is the first one to whisper, holding your hands gently and carefully. You look at him, as his eyes gleam with the heaviness of his past and you don’t quite understand how, but you believe he knows that well.

“We’re your family, whatever it is that you're dealing with we shoulder it to, we carry that burden. That is what we're here for, and you can take all the time that you need. Let us help you, but you know what happens now, yes?” Richie murmurs

“I need to get out”

“Damn fucking right you do. And fast, I know it's going to be hard but you need to act like everything is normal. Get in, pack a bag and get out.”

You breathe in deeply, remembering all the half packed duffle bags that had been left near the door. This time you wouldn't be able to back out, this time Carmen would make sure of it.

“Where’s Carmen?” You suddenly say, and Richie shifts his gaze to the exit sign.

“Maybe give him a few moments Kid” Richie murmurs, but you ignore him, moving quickly towards and out of the doors into the smoking area in the alleyway.

You spot him hunched over, back against the stone wall, trails of grey smoke filters from his mouth as you tsk loudly when you near him.

He raises his head up, widening his eyes before looking down at the cigarette.

“You were doing so good” You smile softly

“Yeah? Felt like pulling teeth, not grabbing for one every couple hours.”

“But those chewing gums”

Carmen shakes his head “Don’t tell Rich, but they were fucking disgusting”

You let out a hearty laugh, leaning back on the wall beside him.

Carmen takes one last deep drag, before pressing the butt of the stick into the wall that isn't near you.

It’s silent, and you feel him watching you for a long time before his voice replies in a croaky tear filled tone you had never heard come out of his mouth before.

“Goddamn it kid”

“I know” You reply instantly, the tears that you thought had left you were big fat liars.

“I want to blame myself, I will for a long time but this isn’t about me is it”

You shake your head furiously, it was so far apart from him.

“What can I do? What can I do to make it better?” Carmen whispers, turning to face you fully now, eyes red and blonde curls messy across his brows.

“It’s not something you can fix Carm, you just got to let me do it. Let me walk away completely”

Carmen grits his teeth, “I should’ve made more attention-”

“How? Between renovating the Bear, organising the menu, fucking opening and maintaining the dinner service every night?”

Carmen shakes his head and you tug at his arm gently

“I didn’t let you notice Carm, I hid it well sometimes I even forgot about it. The bear, you? You let me forget, you let me feel so safe I forgot what he was doing to me”

Carmen reaches for your hand, holding onto it gently

You shake your head, shaking the tears along with it. You hadn’t so much as let yourself hear the truth of what had been happening, but it flowed out of your mouth like a river into Carmen.

“He got drunk one night” You whisper, biting your cheek as you bristle at the memory of it

“He got drunk one night, and started accusing me of these horrible things. Things I would never do. And when I tried talking to him he just turned to me with this look in his eyes, and it was so unlike him Carm. It was like someone else had come and taken his body, and his voice and his mouth”

“And when I reached for him he reached back. And then I suppose I got used to being afraid of him”

“I don’t know what changed that night, but it did. Or maybe he had always been that way and I had been to blind by the feeling of being wanted that I ignored it. But it got worse, he hit me, but he started controlling what I was doing. Always flinging my phone in my face so that he could look for something that wasn’t there, eyes always scrutinising me when I came home fucking exhausted from the Bear.”

“That was how it started, and I guess it never quite ended” You murmur, and when Carmen drags his thumb across your cheek, you understand the rage that he had kept covered for you.

“I’m going to hurt him. And that's more for me than it is for you, I know it and I don’t care. He doesn't get to walk away.” Carmen replies after a beat, and his voice is even. You can see his anger from before slipping into the darkness of his pupils, but his voice is clear and devoid.

“I know” You murmur

“And you’re going to stay with me till we get you a place. Tina and Syd offered and well the whole team, but I can’t-”

“I know, you can’t put them in danger”

“No. I can’t let it happen, you being alone, him somehow getting to you. You being hurt again-” Carmen shakes his head, grinding his jaw as he cuts his eyes away.

“Okay” You mumble, suddenly feeling the exhaustion of your secret that had weighed you down every day fall away.

The month after had passed quicker than any other time in your life. And for that you were grateful. You had packed a bag and moved into Carmen's apartment that night, and he and Richie had made good on their promise. They watched, as well as the rest of the Bear with a sneer as your fiance was carried into the police station, and you watched the mirror of your injuries multiplied across his face.

The police had been slow in taking action, even you know this, so you suppose their tight lipped expressions at the beaten man they found in your trashed apartment made up for that.

Carmen slept near the door for the first two weeks, a bat in his hand and his notebook of recipes filled with scribbled annotations. Tossing and turning enough times, made you wrap your blanket around yourself and join him by the door. You would wake up some nights, in a sweat from the terror of your nightmare imagining him somehow finding you, and you would join him those times as well.

The truth of all that had happened still had not yet been told, and you doubt that it ever will. But you were okay with that, and Carmen was too. And so when your fiance had been tried and sentenced, and the promise of broken bones hung over him even years after, Carmen had made no mention of finding you a place.

And so you stayed, and made a home for yourself. Let your shoes get muddled and clutter the hallway, have your toothbrush besides his own. Move in the last pieces of yourself that had been left in that prison to a place that could maybe change them.

You spent Thursdays with Richie, he’d wait at the foyer for you and he'd take you out for lunch like clockwork. Divulging in your week as he did his, he let you steal some of his cigarettes and you let him ramble to you. Richie had surprised you, when all was said and done. He had known what to do, knew how to talk to you, and you think you credit him to a lot of where you were now. You suppose he blames himself a little as well, so you don’t mind that Thursdays were his way of checking up on you.

You let the team act the same way, Tina bringing you plates of food and tupper wares of lasagna till Carmen's fridge was hard to open, Sydney calling every day, Ebra and Marcus making sure you had someone who could walk you home if Carmen had to stay back. And when you had finally had enough, they nodded and backed away and let you out of their grip.

You're crouched in the fire escape of Carmen's building, passing a bottle of wine that you had snuck from service.

“I visited him today”

“What?” Carmen replies, knowing immediately who you were talking about.

You shrug your shoulders, “I was too much of a mess to confront him, and the court proceedings left me too numb to even face him. But I went today, and I told him. What he had done, how he had changed.”

“But then he laughed and I punched him in his goddamn mouth”

“Atta girl” Carmen grins, his smile filling up the entire bottom of his face.

“So I can’t ever come back to the Boston Corrections facility, and boy am I glad. You know what this means though right?”

“Hm?” Carmen mumbles with a mouthful of street tacos

“You can’t ever get yourself thrown in prison” You chide, and you smile when he throws his head back in laughter

“Seriously Carm?” You bemoan, resting against the living room entryway

“Yes, the bed is strictly meant for you. What do you take me for? Letting a woman sleep on the couch” Carmen gruffs, carefully placing the duvet over the couch cushions.

“It’s been nearly a year since I’ve moved in, Carmen. I don’t think it's ridiculous to assume we can share a bed together”

Carmen grinds his jaw, swallowing back grunt at the thought of sharing a bed with you. As if it was no big thing, as if Carmen would be able to sleep with you next to him.

“It’s called being a host”

“I signed the lease 2 months ago, we’re technically de-facto” You raise your eyebrows, folding your hands across your chest

“The only time I’ll let the government decide what we are is when-if I put a ring on that finger” Carmen replies, the little slip causing him to cut his eyes from you and back to the duvet that was already folded.

You shake your head with a laugh “This you’re way of proposing Carm? Take a girl out for dinner first”

Carmen mumbles under his breath, flattening the duvet with his inked hands before his phone buzzes

“Goddamnit, that’s Richie.

“Leave that sofa and let's go down to meet our friends and have a nice time. God knows we’ve earned more than a few drinks at Nick’s” You reply, swiping Carmen’s phone

“Hey!”

“You weren’t even going to answer him” You roll your eyes.

You send Richie a text that was all apologetic and none grammatically correct as you shuffle out of your work pants into some jeans.

The team was already at the bear, halfway through the first round of drinks and you’d be damned if you let Carmen make the both of you late.

Carmen is in jeans as well, and the white shirt he always dons fits around his chest tightly. You can lie to yourself most days, but in times like this, where you both live in this domestic bubble your mind wanders.

You don’t let it too much.

But when you're visiting family, and you pass by the Louisiana welcome sign planted in the roadway, and the weather gets warm and the nights stretch out you let yourself think of him. You let yourself imagine a life where he was entwined, in you, your life, your days while you drink on the porch of your family home.

The thought of being in anything new scares you to no end, your past finds you in moments you least expect and dredges you down to the same feeling you felt when you were with him.

But Carmen was your past too wasn’t he? He was muddled and interlinked with all the memories that make your chest ache and your hands shake. Carmen didn’t feel new..you had already been living with each other for a year now, and you suppose the way you both flow into each other's lives was no different.

You’d be together, in the way you had always been but different also. You’d get to grow familiar of the taste of him, you’d get to feel him under your skin, beneath your fingers, and he’d sleep in that fucking bed for the first time in a year.

Then the sun would dip below the horizon, the sounds of the insects and birds would come back to you, and the creeping shadow of guilt and insecurity would remind you of who you were again.

You’d taste the bitter embarrassment of forcing Carmen to be that way with you, throwing your head back as you gulp down the beer in your hand as you try to stave away the taste. The dream disappears each time from you, like the oranges and reds that paint the Louisiana sky every evening.

“Hey, we going or what?” Carmen says, his eyes narrowing at, you noticing the way your eyes glaze over.

“Yeah, yes” You nod, swallowing the thoughts of him quickly as you finish tying your boots and let Carmen lock the door behind you.

The bar is surprisingly crowded on a Tuesday night, and you have to squeeze past crowds of leather wearing bikers before finally seeing the team seated in a long booth at the back.

“Finally!” Richie yells, hands in the air and his beer swishing out of the neck.

“We were about to send a search party” Tina smiles, looking toward you with a glint in her eyes when she notices Carmen’s arm at your back.

“Aren’t you guys like, a 2 minute walk from this place? Fak got here before you” Marcus replied, his old fashioned nursed in your arms.

“I had no involvement in our tardiness, he was too busy fixing his makeshift couch bed”

“Oh don’t tell me your still sleeping on that” Richie’s eyes widen

“You know that ain’t even a good couch right? We found it on the side of the road-“

“It’s not good for your back Carmen, all those cushions” Ebra shakes his head disapprovingly.

“It’s perfectly fine Ebra, and who would I be if I let a woman sleep on the couch?” Carmen grumbles, as both slide into the booth next to Sydney.

“I mean, there is an easy straightforward solution” Sydney murmurs, and everyone turns to her quickly.

“You could both just sleep in the same bed together” She replies, after looking at everyone dumbfounded.

“Only married people share a bed, that’s Sicilian tradition”

“Yeah, mixing work and personal life isn’t-“

“Mixing? They already live together!” Sydney replies, defensively.

“Wouldn’t be surprised if they’re already” Four murmured, before snapping his mouth closed when Carmen narrows his eyes to him.

“It’s not about fucking tradition, or whatever. I’m not gonna put her-you in that situation and make you uncomfortable”

“Why would you make me uncomfortable?” You murmur without thinking, and the booth goes quiet.

Carmen shakes his head, blinking as you remain quiet.

You wince at the silence, maneuvering your body quickly out of the booth as you almost fall out.

“Uh-I’m going to get a drink” You reply quickly

Carmen's body isn’t fast enough for his legs and he stands up from his position on the booth quickly, almost tumbling over.

“I’ll come with you”

You shake your head, forcing a tight smile as you wave him off.

“It’s okay, I know your order” You reply quickly, turning around without seeing the look on Carmen’s face.

You slide into one of the vacant barstools, signalling to the bartender as they make the rounds across the counter.

The rows of silver bracelets that hang around the bartender's wrists cling as they mix and shake drinks, and you let yourself get lost in the glittering light show of them reflecting off the bar lights. They distract you enough to not notice the man that now leers over you.

You flinch when you feel his hand touch your shoulder, and when you turn expecting one of the guys from the Bear you're taken back when you're met with a five o clock shadow and a stink of vodka.

“What's a girl like you doin’ all alone?”

“I’m good” You grit out from between your teeth

“Oh c’mon, you girls love to play hard but what you really need-”

“I said leave me alone asswhole” You spit, roughly moving his latched fingers from your shoulder.

The man sneers, his voice growing louder and sloppy as he begins to swear at you. His hands find their way to your waist, and the shiver of disgust turns into a familiar sharp pain as you shout out.

“You fucking bitch” The man starts, before you see the flash of dirty blonde curls cover your vision and the feeling of his fingers around you is wrenched off.

Carmen’s hands are around his neck, and he slams him into the wooden floors of the Bar with ease. He holds him there before turning to look up at you, his eyes blown out and his eyebrows furrowed behind his curls. Your chest heaves as you meet his gaze, and you watch as his eyes trail down your body, almost surveying the extent of your injuries and filing it into his mind so that it is all he thinks about when he breaks the skin across his knuckles.

You watch Carmen work, watch the way his shoulders and back contorts under every movement that lands a punch into the man's face. The buzzing chatter of the bar increases, as people begin to take notice of the shouts of frazzled swears and slobby slurs that leave the man's mouth. Someone screams there is a fight, and the bartender mutters obscenities as they try to push through the crowd.

Carmen lands punch after punch into his face, with no real sense of stopping as his movements grow more and more crazed with every crack of skin and dribble of blood that paints his hands. Carmen's eyes look determined, like he had a goal to all of this, and when Richie and the rest of the team pushes past the crowd and shouts out to him to stop, he looks up at you do you know.

You didn’t get to see what he had done to your husband, or how. But now, he takes his time with the man under him who kicks and fails, blubbering out blood and drool. He continues to stare at you, and the rest of the patrons look on in horror as the man under Carmen becomes disguised by the brutality of Carmens fists across his body. You hear the crack of bone, and when the man screams out a loose and garbled apology from the swollen tongue of his mouth, does Carmen flick his eyes down to him.

“You’re sorry? Yeah?” Carmen murmurs, softly

The man nods eagerly, his mouth filling with blood and his eyes swollen

“I’m not sure I believe that” Carmen replies, sending his foot into the mans stomach as he keels over

“Okay, Carmen that's enough” Richie calls out

“All I did was ask her a question!” The man screams out, his words jagged and unclear

“Hey, you shut the fuck up” Richie replies, before clocking his head to try and meet Carmens gaze who is back on you

“Look man, I get it. That one time wasn’t enough, but you can’t keep doing this”

Carmen grinds his teeth, as you look on in awe as his knuckles bleed violently, throwing his arm up and swinging down onto the man.

You got what you needed from this, and so when you step closer to Carmen and turn your head to the side you can only think of one thing

“I’m banned for at least 12 months”

You watch his fingers loosen around the man's bloody shirt, and Carmen wipes his hands across the man's chest before slowly straightening up from his crouched position.

“Get the fuck out, the both of you before the cops get here” The bartender grits out, shaking his head.

Carmen nods, “I’m not fucking sorry”

“Yeah yeah I know” The bartender rolls his eyes, before you grab Carmen's arm and push through the gawking faces of onlookers

You find a door leading out to a side alleyway, and you both fall out from the door into a combined heap.

“I had to do it okay? The way he was looking at you and that fucking hand around your side I couldn’t just let him-“ Carmen starts, chest heaving up and down and the splatter of spit and blood across his jaw

You don’t let him finish the rushed words that fall out of his mouth before you cover it with your own. Gripping onto the loose collar of his shirt, you drink down the anger and violence that had been festering on the both of you.

Carmen tastes sweet, like the cranberry jus he had been preparing, and rough too, like his worn workmen jacket and the pepper taste of his nicotine gum.

You realise then that you would never taste something as great as that, and that you would be chasing the feeling of how Carmen’s lips against your own vibrates through you from head to foot.

You pull away with quickness, chest heaving and eyes wide as you feel Carmen’s mouth warm your chest.

Carmen doesn’t blink, he stares at you, the brittle Chicago winter blowing his hair across his forehead and the distant sound of sirens and he stares at you.

“I’m not sorry” You whisper, pressing your lips together

“Good” Carmen replies before you’ve even uttered the last word.

And when you blink the cold smoke of his breath is over you again, his inked fingers cradle your head and he takes your mouth again.

You don’t stop the crash of your open mouths and dipping tongues until the warmth of Carmen covers you entirely, until November in Chicago feels like July.

taglist !

@kpopgirlbtssvt @hansfics @nolita-fairytale @parmforcarm @rooster-bradshaw

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thedemonofcat · 2 months ago

Note

“What would you give to save him?”

“Anything,” Jaskier replies truthfully.

Instead of claiming Jaskier’s soul or whatever ominous, otherworldly voices do, it says, “By the gods, that is precious! I’ll heal him with no charge this time, and I’ll grant you a boon because it’s been centuries since I’ve seen such beautiful devotion!”

Confused, but not wanting to offend the powerful being who was suddenly being very helpful, Jaskier says, “I—I am honored by this favor you have shown us. I swear to write a song in your honor, my dear.”

“Aren’t you just lovely? You may dedicate your song to ‘The One Who Joins Hands’”

Jaskier had no idea what the fuck that meant, but he made a mental note.

“And your boon?”

“Pardon?”

“What would you like as your boon?”

“Oh,” what would he like? More importantly, what wouldn’t come back to bite him in the arse later?

“How about I guarantee that your love will always remain true?”

“Oh, well, there’s really no need.” Jaskier would like even the barest hope that he’ll get over his unrequited feelings some day. And Geralt would hate for his feelings to be messed with. This being liked the idea of them together though, so best to find a good excuse. “I do not doubt my beloved. Really, the only thing to separate us would be my shorter lifespan.”

“Done!”

“What—?”

“Your lifespan is now tied to his! You’re welcome!”

———

Geralt wakes and is surprised to be alive. He soon spots his bard, staring dazedly at nothing.

"Jask…" Geralt called, hurrying to the bard's side, gently patting his face. "Jaskier, wake up."

It took a moment, but Jaskier's eyes eventually fluttered open, regaining focus. "Geralt, you're alright!" he exclaimed, throwing his arms around the Witcher in an embrace.

"Yeah, I'm alright. But what about you?" Geralt asked, his voice tinged with confusion.

"I'm fine. Do you… not remember anything?" Jaskier replied cautiously.

"The last thing I remember, I was fighting something… must have killed it if it's gone now," Geralt said with a shrug.

Jaskier froze, his mind racing. Geralt didn’t remember—he didn’t know about the deal. The bargain Jaskier had struck with *The One Who Joins Hands* to bring him back.

"We should probably get going," Geralt continued. "I promised to meet Yennefer soon."

Of course, Jaskier thought bitterly. Geralt loved Yennefer. Never him.

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thesilmarillionblog · 4 months ago

Text

𝐖𝐀𝐒𝐓𝐄 ── Part 3

Click here to read the first part.

Summary: In the hopes that things would improve between you, you choose to lose your virginity to your friend Dean Winchester because you have been in love with him madly for a long time. However, he doesn't feel the same about you.

Pairing: Dean Winchester x F!Reader

Warnings: Unrequited love, angst, jealousy, tension, language

Word Count: 6043

A/N: English is not my first language.

Song: 'It takes a Lot to Know a Man' by Damien Rice

While it was exhausting in some ways and occasionally involved people who were a little noisy and irate, spending an entire day at the hospital and taking care of patients felt good. It was occasionally unclear which task you had more difficulty with than the other: hunting or nursing. That being said, one of them was a little too dangerous for you.

Your thoughts raced at every word Dean said, hinting that he didn't want you to tear down your bond, as you thought back to the evening he'd spent with Jo while Sam spent his time watching TV. Though he hadn't stated it explicitly, his sharp statements with soft tones made it clear. Although you were happy that he was trying to be respectful and polite, the fact that it hurt so much made his efforts a waste.

Perhaps it would be better for you to listen Sam. Giving new people a chance and meeting them might perhaps heal whatever hurts you on the inside. But when it came down to it, you were a coward for being devoted to someone you never had and never would. Especially when you saw Dean enjoying himself with Jo there in front of your eyes, it didn't even make sense.

As if absolutely nothing happened between you.

It was just too much for you, yet it meant nothing to him. But because you were the one who let everything happen and didn't even inform him that you were a virgin, you had no reason to hold Dean responsible. Nothing at all. However, that was such a burden.

You cleared your mind of thoughts and saw your colleague doing his job while you treated the small girl's hand when she reached you with her nervous mother, who was frequently repeating to her that she had warned her not to play with sharp objects. It wasn't that horrible, but you did your best to soothe her and divert her attention by carefully cleaning her hand.

You informed her mother that there were hundreds of such and even worse incidents in emergency, much like her daughter, after the sharp glass was removed from her arm. You were given the task of stitching, and you began it meticulously and with caution. Sadly, it had to be stitched. Even doing it with adults appeared to be challenging.

She was trying her hardest not to weep when she saw the needle because she felt guilty and ashamed, but you swiftly covered it up and looked at her mother to let her know that she too needed to calm her daughter. Fortunately, she got the message.

I was just wondering what your name is. You haven't told me yet," you inquired, trying to complete your task without drawing attention to your hands.

“Talia,” she sobbed as she turned to face her mother as if she wanted to see if she was still angry with her.

“It's a very lovely name.” You replied, “It's good to meet you, Talia,” and gave her your name. Making sure her kid wasn't gazing at you while you were taking care of her arm, you encouraged her mother to talk to her as well. Not in an angry way, of course.

“It's not very pretty,” she said. Children typically complain about several things.

“Why do you say that, though?”

“It sounds like 'Arya.' I was playing with Aisha when she told me that. I don't even like that name.”

If there was anything positive about kids, it was being prone to share too much. That was really beneficial for handling youngsters during an emergency, though. It would have been better, of course, if they had just been cautious and not gone through at all. It seemed to you that the other girl she was referring to was her closest friend.

“I don't believe so. Their pronouncations are really differently,” you observed. “I has a very beautiful meaning, and it's not a very common name, which is a nice thing. Don't you think so?”

“Yes,” she said after giving it some thought. “Will it hurt?”

“Just a little bit,” you smiled reassuringly at her. “People say my hands are really soft.”

She was unable to conceal her frightened and apprehensive look as you began stitching as her mother went on to remark about how impulsive her daughter might be at times. Additionally, you saw her continuing talking with her daughter about topics that would divert her attention.

She inquired, “Do you have a boyfriend?” with curiosity. She was attempting to cover up the hurt expression on her face so her mother wouldn't say anything further.

“No,” you smiled and stated.

“Why?”

“I'm not sure.” You attempted to respond vaguely in order to get her to stop interrogating you about your nonexistent romantic life. “Adult life is difficult to comprehend when it comes to such matters.”

“Now I'm not interested in growing up. Mine is not difficult.”

You interrupted with, “Good for you,” and carefully cleaned her arm while smiling sincere at her. “It is finished. I told you that my hands were soft, right?”

You felt better as the rest of the day passed, taking care of other patients, listening to them, and doing what you could to help them. It dawned on you that becoming worn out was an effective distraction from troubling thoughts. Making yourself occupied at that moment was definitely the best thing for you because you were going to lose your mind over thinking about Dean constantly, even when you had to pee. Your body was hurting so much that you had no energy left to consider anything but resting.

You were taken aback when one of your closest friends randomly stopped by the hospital where you work right before you were about to leave. You looked him in the eye and saw that, indeed, it was him. You shivered in anticipation as you gazed at him because of the little coolness in the air. Your pulse was pounding with excitement and curiosity as you narrowed your eyes and caught him with such a focused glance that he knew you were the one gazing at him before you could.

In a tone that suggested both shock and joy, you exclaimed, “Robert?” as you approached each other. You could have recognized him sooner, a few minutes earlier, before you left the hospital.

He was your pal from college. Before you left the hospital where you both worked and joined Sam and Dean, you two were extremely close friends. With Rob, everything was simple, and he was a really nice and supportive friend; you would never deny that. But at that point, you couldn't simply bury your desire to go after the family business in addition to your own work, and it was difficult to say no to Dean. He was the one who initially convinced you. After all of your losses, you had also yearned for something different—something that could brighten you up.

During the times you worked together, Rob was a highly professional, talented, and encouraging doctor. Even though there was a hierarchy between you at the hospital, you respected the fact that he never treated you worse than necessary or better than he should have. He was always completely aware of the lines.

But even though you've been in touch with Rob, your connection with him has been weakened since you've spent so much time with Dean and Sam. There's no denying that.

You gave him a huge, tight hug, and he chuckled, “Hey,” as if he wasn't at all shocked to see you. He knew that you were working here after all, but you didn't expect to see him anyway.

Warmly hugging him again, you said, “What are you doing here?”

He winked and added, “I was in the neighborhood,” as you drew back and gave him a suspicious look. “I wanted to see how you were doing.”

Dean attempted to divert his attention throughout the day while he fixed things and cleaned Baby. He became consumed with a sensation of rage and frustration that he just didn't comprehend. He was thinking about the past three weeks nonstop, even if nothing was wrong. Particularly the last night.

After speaking with Jo over the phone about his intention to stop their connection and his lack of interest in pursuing a serious relationship, Dean was pleased that she accepted his request and that she wasn't interested in pursuing it further either, even though she offered him to go hunting. His and her desire to hunt were similar, but Dean didn't comprehend how different they were in fact. He was glad Jo felt the same.

If Dean had cared a little bit more, he may have been ashamed by his obviously poor performance last night, but oddly, he didn't. He felt a lot of burden when he realized that even for a brief while, he fucked Jo thinking about you. Imagining your body under him. It wasn't fair, and he didn't even mean it. He was aware of that.

The worst thing about it was that he enjoyed it and wasn't pleased with it behaving like this. Clearly stating that one night shouldn't be enough to ruin your friendship, he shouldn't reciprocate by fantasizing about fucking you. About filling you with his—Uh. Whatever.

All day, he tried to find a way a way to divert his attention with Baby and all things mechanical. He sometimes purposefully broke things so he could fix them again. But he also couldn't quit thinking about your most recent conversation.

It wasn't the unclear situation between him and Jo that was causing him the strain he thought it was. It didn't ease him at all to cut his links with her so quickly. He was surprised to see that you were encircling him in his thoughts, imprisoning him there.

“You look messy,” Sam said, observing his ripped t-shirt and dirty face.

As he bent over and looked at Sam, he said, “Thanks,” in a dismissive voice, while searching for the right tool for his car.

“You seem to be quite busy today, aren't you?” said Sam to carefully avoid getting his shirt dirty as he gave Dean the right tool in his palm from afar.

“You think? I guess it was a long time since I took care of Baby.”

“Yeah, for around a week. But why in the world are you behaving like a cranky old lady?”

“Sam, don't get started. I mean it.” Dean shot back immediately, suddenly becoming quite defensive. He felt like the irritation was pouring into him again, but he didn't even understand why, which was making him angrier. “I have too much to do as you see.”

“By the way, when did Jo leave? Even though I got up early, I didn't see her.”

“Yeah, she left in the middle of the night.”

Recalling the evening did not soothe his feelings, but Dean responded to Sam, stating to let the fuck him alone as soon as possible. But Sam seemed intent on playing the part of the curious bitch, as if he intended to test Dean's patience to the maximum extent possible.

“After you two had finished, huh? She's an awesome girl, but her loudness..is definetely something else. I'm not trying to say it in a mean way, but for heaven's sake, Dean. If you two have... kinky stuff, it would be best if you spent the night at her place. I bet you two also probably made it difficult for Y/N to fall asleep.”

Dean shot a look at Sam, who was attempting to say something without coming out as weird about Jo or whatever. Sam didn't dislike Jo at all; it wasn't that he despised her. She was a little too cunning and rebellious for Dean's liking. That was a known fact. His brother was sometimes a bitch; that was true, but not that bitchy for sure.

When Sam brought you up in the chat, Dean found it difficult to focus on his work and became disoriented while lying down beneath his car. Sam was trying very hard to get under his skin for sure.

He had become frustrated in some way by the thought that you heard him and Jo. He wasn't trying to get you to hear something or anything. Dean frowned with distaste, picturing you hearing Jo's exaggerated noises. He shouldn't have brought her home to have sex in the first place, but what is done was done. Even it wasn't right. Fuck that.

Dean attempted to lightheartedly remark, “Women have a hard time with staying silent when I'm around, huh,” in an attempt to divert Sam's attention. He attempted to change the subject at hand.

“Have you seen Y/N in the morning?”

“Why are you asking that right now?” Dean grunted and glared at Sam. He suddenly lost control of the tool he was holding and groaned in pain as it landed across his face. “God. Fuck this.”

Puzzled by Dean's odd behavior, Sam put his hands in his pockets in between his complaints. His recent behavior has been peculiar. Sam was hesitant to confront it since he thought it was likely to do with their father and other hunting experiences, but he couldn't help but wonder if he was still angry with you for what happened on the previous hunt.

Sam was appreciative of Dean for constantly watching out for him, taking care of him, and protecting him from harm—even if there were times when it made him feel like a little child. Sam knew that Dean would always be looking out for him, even if he lived fifty years old. Dean has always been overly protective, and he always will be. However, there were times he was being too much.

“Have you?” Dean was curious and asked. Remembering your swollen eyes, he wondered if you were okay. It didn't appear like you got much sleep.

Sam said, “Yeah,” while keeping his hands in his pockets and observing Dean's struggling with Baby. “She seemed pretty bad though.”

“Why do you say that?” Despite his best efforts to appear indifferent and normal, Dean's tone betrayed him. There was absolutely no stopping it. He was wondering if he was treating you too harshly these days. Neither Dean nor you were ever good at expressing yourself clearly.

“I'm not sure. She was quite exhausted, and her eyes appeared to be red, but I'm not sure. Her having to work and hunt at the same time must be challenging.” Sam thought you were pushing yourself a little too hard since he got to know you; however, he wasn't sure if it was just weariness or something more. He was impressed by your ambition and couldn't help but feel respect and appreciation for you.

“Maybe,” Dean interrupted, reminiscing on the way you looked the previous night. You looked so worn out, but he was too preoccupied with the talk to notice. Even though he wasn't sure whether he would believe it himself, he would prefer to pretend that you were just dizzy or sleepy. He would have said that you had sobbed uncontrollably all night, but he quickly brushed this idea from his mind as a sensation of uneasiness overcame him. “She must be tired.”

“Did you apologize to her?”

“For what”

Sam kept rolling his eyes at Dean because he was becoming a little irritated with the way he was acting. He would claim that throughout the previous two or three weeks, something inside of him had altered.

“For acting like a grumpy old bitch,” Sam shot back.

Dean kept it short, refusing to elaborate on what had happened the night before. “We talked it out,” he said. “She'll start being more watchful now. By the way, is your arm okay?”

Sam kneeled down and attempted to look into Dean's face in an effort to start a meaningful conversation, realizing that Dean was unwilling to acknowledge that his reaction was wrong.

Sam remarked, “It's been a year since she joined us, and she's far too helpful and too kind for how you reacted there," dismissing his inquiry over his arm. Though I'm grateful for your concern, it's wrong. You need to be a little softer and gentler.”

“Do you think I don't know that?” After switching out the tool, Dean gave Sam a stern look.

“No.”

Sam grumbled in frustration, acknowledging that it would be impossible to alter Dean's perspective. “It wasn't very kind to tell someone that you have only one left to care about when they don't even have one.”

For a brief period, Dean's hands paused, and regret overcame his mind. He couldn't recall the exact moment those piercing words, as if he intended to intentionally harm you, came out of his mouth. It was never his intention to do so. Gradually, Dean's hands slowed, and he stood up, recalling that you were the only member of your family still living. For a moment, he stopped being interested in everything.

“Now you know what you must apologize for, huh?” With a broken smile, Sam remarked. At least Dean wasn't so rigid, which relieved him. “Do you know when her shift ends?”

Dean murmured, “Yeah, I guess,” in a tone that was more controlled and calm.

“You need to fix this; I'm serious. Give her a call, and bring her over for tonight. Having a dinner together might be a wonderful place to begin, and she'll be too exhausted anyway.”

“Don't tell me what to do.” Dean hurriedly walked by Sam, messing his hair to annoy him. He returned inside from the garage, determined not to engage in any further discourse.

After a quick shower, Dean changed into new clothing and stood in front of the mirror, making adjustments with his hair until he was satisfied with the way he looked. He bit his lip anxiously and walked the room for a little while, considering calling you, but then decided to come get you because he knew you would be finished with work in an hour. It would be better to give you a call on the way. On the drive back home, it may be somewhat more appropriate for conversation. Driving back after so many hours at work would exhaust you too much. Besides, it was becoming late. Perhaps you might even consider eating in a restaurant.

“But why didn't you inform me about your arrival? You could have called me,” you wondered, your mouth making into a smile. It surprised you too much to see him so abruptly, even though you knew he would let you know if there was another time.

Unexpectedly, he replied, “I actually did it on purpose.” You waited for him to continue. “I thought, surprising you about that, I'm going to work here from now on, and seeing that face of yours would be worth it.”

“Oh my god,” you said, displaying greater excitement than you had expected.

“You can't be serious.”

“I am pretty serious actually.”

When your phone began to ring, you apologized and continued to ignore Dean's calls. Rob then informed you that he had chosen to relocate after his father passed away, and you had attended his funeral around a month prior. You assumed that it must have caused some sort of trauma, but you didn't pursue the matter further since you didn't want to reopen old wounds.

You inquired excitedly, “Do you want to come over? I could make you some food so we can have an actual conversation instead of chatting under that weather. You know, it's kind of cold, and I'm sort of tired as hell,” you joked, hoping he would take you up on your offer. It has suddenly occurred to you that you have been missing your friend, an old friend you haven't fallen in love with despite knowing for years.

Dean eventually lost patience with you and, making an annoyed sound, placed his phone back in his pocket. He thought about giving you another call right after he parked and got out of his car, but if his eyes weren't playing tricks on him, you were speaking with a man. He could tell that you had ignored his calls since you were having a heated chat that briefly made him stiff. If he didn't see you giggling and even giving him a firm hug, which caused his body to tense up for a brief moment, he would say it was simply small talk.

Dean wasn't sure if being ignored was the cause of his growing ire. Since his rage had been driving him insane since the morning, he put the blame on his lack of patience. His pride was hurt by your disregard for him as well.

With a sidelong glance at the man you were speaking with, Dean saw his rage flare up. Not feeling calm since the morning was tiring though. The man had a prideful appearance yet exuded a sense of confidence. From a distance, he could express that enough.

His body stiffened for a moment, indicating that the conversation was... intense. So that was the reason that you ignored him for that long.

Dean moved fast but calmly to avoid making a scene, attempting to maintain his composure despite his mind racing with thoughts. As he walked to each of you, he considered lying about his work. Maybe he would pretend to be a doctor in order to create a good impression, or he would claim to be working for the CIA or FBI in order to make dirty jokes about you and him. He would decide that soon enough.

You whispered, “Dean?” in shock as he unexpectedly appeared at your side. It was unusual for him to show up, especially considering how distant you two were in the last couple of days. He glanced in your direction, but then his gaze shifted to Robert.

Dean glanced at you and added, “I've been calling you for some time.” It was a little judgmental, which bothered you.

Robert stared at you both bewildered, and you lied to him, “I wasn't aware,” but he didn't interject. Awkwardness suddenly filled the air. Three of you were waiting on foot as the chilly weather grew more intense. It was a really uncomfortable moment.

As Robert extended his hand for a formal introduction, Dean said, “Can't imagine why,” while concentrating his entire attention on him. Dean talked first: “Dean Winchester.”

Robert also introduced himself quite sweetly and kindly. He was typically really polite and mindful. You hoped Dean wasn't feeling like making uncomfortable remarks or embarrassing you in any way. He wasn't a reckless person, but when he wasn't in the mood, you just didn't know whether he knew the lines.

Robert gave you a long stare when they finally got to meet, but he remained silent. Rather, he said, “So are you two friends or?”

“Yeah, very close,” Dean said immediately. Robert only nodded to him. “How do you know each other?”

“Well, I'm a doctor.” Robert said, giving you a real, heartfelt smile that warmed your heart, “We've known each other for a long time and worked in the same hospital for quite a long time from my perspective since I'm always on the move. She’s a very good nurse, very talented.” When someone you looked up to complimented you, your heart skipped a beat. These days, it's difficult to find someone who values your effort.

You tensed up for a moment when Dean responded, “I know,” in a proud voice and with a sly smile. When he saw Robert smiling broadly at you, he was powerless to stop himself. Licking his lips, he added, “She has very soft hands indeed and definitely knows how to use them.”

Though Dean had no intention of making any inappropriate remarks, his patience with the man in front of him was getting thinner by the moment as he kept looking at you while he talked. Dean felt like he was getting in the mood when he observed Robert's face change. With a confused expression on his face, he seemed to be trying to figure out whether Dean meant it literally or if it was a metaphor or something.

You gave Dean a glare, but you remained silent despite your cheeks turning red from his unexpected and dirty statement. You were shocked that he chose to act this way in order to make you feel uncomfortable in front of your friend. You didn't mind when he made similar jokes when there was just you and him; nonetheless, you felt embarrassed acting in this way in front of Robert. You weren't sure of Dean's actual intentions.

You choose to cut it off in order to release some tension. “Robb, would you like to have an actual conversation with me later, or simply come over? Of course, if you have the time.”

Dean gave you and Robert a bitter look as he realized how fast and recklessly you had welcomed a man to your house at that hour. He knew you well enough to know that you weren't someone who liked to greet guests at your place with such ease. It didn't matter how hard you tried to disguise your trust concerns; you had trust issues. You were so at ease and full of energy around that man that he wondered how close you must have been to him. Dean closed his eyes for a while, pushing the terrible pictures from his mind as he considered the scenarios involving you and him.

“Actually, I came here at that hour to visit with a different friend before spending the night with my aunt. Can we have a call for tomorrow to set up a suitable time?” Robb remarked very politely, “I guess your friend came here to pick you up,” glancing at Dean as if he required clarification from both of you.

You went to offer him a hug by saying, “Of course. I'm so glad to see you again.”

His hands massaged your back as he gave you an even closer embrace, kissing you briefly on the top of the head and telling you to take care of yourself. He promised to text you as soon as he had some spare time.

Dean gazed at you and him confused as he saw you two embrace like lovers who had met years later. He questioned whether the man's irritating conduct was intended for annoying him. He was curious as to how and when you two first connected, as well as why, given that you spent the entire year with Sam and him, you would still be so close to someone a year later. Although Dean was aware that you remained in contact with your pals, he was unaware of how close you were to one of them.

Dean was ready to say something, but he instantly changed his mind and was waiting for you to end the hug. He kind of wanted to break Robert's face and hands when he touched your back. Dean wondered when he'd felt you give him such a yearning hug. Most likely never. Considering all the times he had saved your ass, you were ungrateful. Later, he would speak about this.

Dean turned to face you shortly after Robb departed and said, “I've called you many times.”

You apologized as he gave you a strange look. You had no idea why you sounded so aloof and cold. “I haven't seen him in a very long time. He's one of my closest friends.”

You questioned, “Why are you here?” before he continued.”Has anything happened?”

“Not at all. I arrived here to pick you up.”

“But my car-”

“I will drive you to work tomorrow, alright?” Dean watched as you began to tremble in the chilly weather. As Sam mentioned, you looked pretty tired.

Dean felt his heart melt and sigh as he saw you shiver from the cold and appear exhausted. Even though he didn't mean to come across as so crude and distant, there was still an uneasiness between you that seemed impossible to get past.

“Fine.”

You continued to shake as you got in the car. You knew you were starving yourself to death when you heard the loud sound coming from your stomach. You had hardly had time for an adequate meal because you were so busy with work.

“You need to have dressed properly.” Dean softly remarked, “It's cold outside these days,” observing your attempts to sooth yourself by lightly massaging your bare arms.

You said in a whisper, “Yeah,” while Dean pressed a button to warm the car up.

Your muscles gradually relaxed, and you began to feel much better as Dean drove. He turned his head to face you, giving you a little, pleased look after he heard your little satisfied sound. He liked it so much. “Relaxed now?”

Giving a quick nod to him, you muttered with a hint of gratitude in your voice. “Uhm, yes. Thanks.”

Dean said, “So,” his gaze glued to the dimly illuminated road. “How long are you friends? You and him. You appeared to be really at ease with that guy.”

“I think for four or five years. I find him to be a really caring and compassionate friend. I hadn't seen him in a very long time, so it was a surprise to see him, as he didn't give me a call in the first place.”

You were taken aback by Dean's attempts to have a polite, regular discussion with you. Your pulse beat with excitement and anticipation since it had been a long time since you had spoken to him in that way. All you wanted was for things to be normal between you two again. You might get by with less and normal if you are unable to have more.

Prior to Dean addressing Robert and your friendship, you said, “Baby looks and smells amazing today. Have you just given her a wash?”

“She's a good girl all the time,” he remarked, chuckling. His hands around the steering wheel were more tightly now. “She needed to be clean and nice.”

You eagerly questioned, “Why did you come, by the way?” as the minutes ticked by in quiet. You wanted to make it seem like nothing occurred between you as well, and now it looked like a good moment to sort out things between you and him.

“I decided to pick you up to avoid an accident after Sam warned me that you looked terrible. Are you hungry?” Dean wouldn't say 'no' to a pie right now.

“Actually, I'm starving,” you answered, sidestepping the comment Dean made regarding your appearance. You bet you did.

“Alright.” Dean glanced at you and said, “I know a good restaurant,” in a rough voice, clearing his throat.

Stating, “To be honest, I'm exhausted.” in a sorry tone, you waited for him to offer something else. You instantaneously forced the never-to-come-true visions away from your thoughts, even though you really wanted to go on a date with him. It wouldn't be a date, but it would be a nice moment. However, it would only get your situation worse.

“You wasted the opportunity. After that, you're going to eat anything Sammy orders.”

You smiled and responded, “I'm okay with that,” but you couldn't help but worr if Jo was still there.

Your face sank unintentionally, remembering the noises she'd made with Dean last night and how he'd been distant when you two chatted. You didn't want Dean and Jo's relationship to fail if it would harm Dean in any way, but you were unable to give up and were hoping that she wouldn't be around for tonight at the very least. Undoubtedly, your body was worn out, but your heart was spent beyond comprehension.

Dean occasionally glanced at you, and thoughts of you and Robert were constantly racing through his head. He was thinking a lot of things at once—things that would make him see red, things that would make him angry, and things that would make Dean want to punch Robert in the face.

“Have you slept with him?” unexpectedly Dean asked in a stern voice that made you stiffen in hurt and disgust.

Though he didn't want to sound so harsh and judgmental, Dean couldn't resist posing the question. He had to know the answer, even if he had no idea why.

You said, “What?” your heart thumping with pain. You never wanted to tell Dean that he was your one and only and how much you gave of yourself to him that night. “How could you ask such a question?”

Dean said, “It's a simple question,” as if he were defending himself. His attitude altered upon witnessing your expression transform to one of disappointment and rage. He wasn't sure if it was really necessary to get the answer. “Did you get fucked by him?”

You responded angrily, “He's my friend,” yet both of you stiffened at the words. Your body was filled with shame, and your heart ached from the burden. All you needed was Dean making no mention of wanting to cause you more damage. Wasn't it enough?

He said, “I am your friend too,” which made you tense up in your seat. “But things happen.”

You told him sternly, “You're being too much,” while doing your best not to seem pathetic or reveal how upset you were. “I can't believe you.”

“Why are you not answering the question?” Again, he lost his temper. Dean noticed that his tolerance was wearing thin and that the pictures that were filling his mind were not helping the situation. He was aware that he shouldn't have said those things, but whatever. Fuck that. He wanted to know. He needed to know.

You snapped, “Of course not, Dean!” as a wave of rage overcame you. You wished he would have remained silent the entire way. Both of you should have stayed quiet.

Dean fought himself not to exhale in relief as a sensation of ease exploded in his heart. He didn't understand the significance of your connection with Robert or if it mattered if he really fucked you. However, the very idea was plenty to irritate him. You deserved better than this haughty, dumb man. It was such a simple question. That was it.

You didn't ask Dean whether he loved wounding your heart these days or why he was acting like an asshole. It pained your heart to see his suspicious look, even if you had no intention of telling him that he was your first to not ruin whatever you had from the beginning. If you told him the truth, you weren't sure how he would react. But knowing that he was still distant from you, you were unable to find the trust that you needed. You had no idea how he would react.

You said, “I want to go home,” in an icy tone, though you didn't actually mean it. You desired more time to be with him. It hurt so much to not be around him. Your eyes welled with tears, but you forced them back as your need for him reminded you of how pathetic you truly were to him.

He had an innate ability of ruining a nice moment just when you thought everything was going well. You realized that in order to stop him from hurting you, you needed to find a method to physically separate from him rather than cling to him. If nothing else, perhaps you could convey to him the meaning of his behavior and how easily his sharp words hurt you. Maybe someday.

“We're already-”

But you soon interrupted, saying, “My home.”

When he proposed that you have dinner at a restaurant, you should have accepted. Maybe you would chat about things that could break the ice between you, or even better, maybe you would find a way to bring up the young girl you took care of and her thoughts about love. Maybe he would act a little differently, acting more kind and cheerful rather than staring at you with rage. If only you had known which way to go to win him over, so much may have been different.

Next Chapter

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A/N: Please, let me know what you think about this one. I hope you like it. Comments and reblogs are very appreciated! They keep me going. ^^

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thelov3lybookworm · 3 months ago

Text

Love's Bullshit.

Summary: maybe love wasnt bullshit after all.

•○●⛦●○•

Word Count: 5225

Warnings: a tinyyy tiny bit of angst, pining, unrequited feeling but requited in the end, sad rhysie poo healing but we dont really get into that. uh i think thats it? let me knowif theres more i need to add <3

A/n: let me tell yall, when i wrote this i think i had watched some pasta videos and helped my mum clean up some green veggies lmaoo, so Y/n's thoughts are just me yapping lol.

rhys would be happy i finally wrote something fluffy for him lmao

I LOVED WRITING TIS SM OML I HOPE YALL LOVE READING IT AKFJHDFH

(im sorry im back to my p.s bs again cus thank you to my wifey for, again, helping me plan this fic out and also this fic is again based on an indian song 😭)

anyways, enjoyyy🥹🤭

°•°•°•○🌑○•°•°•°

It had almost become a ritual, standing around the coffee machine and waiting to grab the two cups of coffee.

It was a ritual, stalking back to the office with two cups of steaming coffee in her hand.

It was a ritual, trying her best not to blush when her boss smiled at her, his fingers brushing hers as he took his black coffee from her hands, a soft thank you slipping past his lips, his attention already focused on the screen of his laptop.

Y/n did not know how she hadn’t yet told him she loved him, but whatever force held those words captive in her chest, she thanked it every day.

Today was no different as she made her way into the elevator, nodding to the others who filed in after her with a small smile. Silence filled her ears, only broken by the ding of the elevator doors as it opened to let a couple of employees out onto the second floor. Y/n leaned back, sighing as the doors dragged close again, her head resting against the shiny metal as her eyes fixed themselves on the little panel above the door.

10.

13.

15.

25.

Ding.

Y/n walked out, subconsciously searching for that familiar figure of her boss. The final floor of the building had been turned into a huge office for the CEO and the owner and his two best friends who helped manage the place, so it was not hard to find him, standing hunched over the huge mahogany desk as he scribbled something in a file.

She moved forward, lips stretching to accommodate the smile that spread on her lips without permission.

"Good evening, sir."

His head rose, the black rimmed glasses perched on his nose caching in the light. "Good evening, Y/n." His violet eyes tracked her movements, an easy smile on that full mouth.

He turned around the moment she set his coffee on his desk, attention already flitting away to focus on more important things.

It irritated Y/n to no end that he would not even try to talk to her- or anyone, really- unless it was related to work.

"Uh, have a good day, sir."

He nodded, and Y/n took that as her que to leave. She walked towards the desk that Y/n occupied. Being the CEO’s secretary, he wanted her close by in case he needed anything. Thankfully, the two managers were too busy with their own work to look at the blush that covered Y/n.

Time flew by as she settled down again, forcing herself to stop thinking about how those eyes would shine from up close, and started typing away in her laptop, her surroundings fading into nothing.

The next time Y/n stood to stretch her back, it was already dark outside the huge glass walls, and she leaned back, her back curving before it finally popped. The other two men that worked on the top floor, Cassian and Azriel, had already left half an hour ago, after bidding Y/n and Rhysand goodbye.

Relieved breath escaping her lips, she turned to find herself alone with Rhysand, who now sat with his back straight. So straight that Y/n was concerned that it would hurt him.

Something was wrong.

Before she could inquire, the elevator doors slid open, and the loud clicking of stilettos filled the silent atmosphere.

She’s beautiful.

That was Y/n’s first thought.

Long, straight light brown hair, almost bordering blond, the woman stalked straight up to the rich dark wooden desk, ire blazing in her eyes, anger seeping from every pore in her body.

Y/n should have left, she knew she should have.

But she didn’t, even knowing she would regret not leaving when everything seemed fine.

Rhys, eyes wide, stumbled to his feet.

Y/n had never seen that man ever stumble.

"Did I not tell you to stay away from me?"

His mouth parted, and Y/n watched with bated breath to see what would happen.

"Hello to you too, Feyre d-"

"Call off your stalker."

Fingers of ice skated down Y/n’s spine. Stalker?

His eyes hardened, jaw clenched. "He isn’t a stalker."

The woman let out an incredulous laugh. "Oh? Then what is he?"

"He’s there to protect you-"

"And what is he protecting me from? The trees in my backyard?"

Y/n swallowed, eyes flitting away. The elevator was near her, but it would draw attention. But it was definitely better than standing and watching the two like a creep.

"Feyre…" It was dark, but Y/n knew that Rhys glanced at her frozen form. "Let’s talk somewhere else, please. You’re making a scene-"

"No. I’m not going anywhere with you."

He released a frustrated breath, and Y/n finally got herself moving.

She grabbed her purse and hurried towards the elevator, hoping he did not think that she was judging him. Even as hard as she tried to be quiet, her heels clicked, and she froze, panic seizing every muscle in her body as she felt his eyes on her.

Swallowing, she hit the button on the silver panel, and the doors slid open, thankfully revealing that the elevator was still on their floor. As soon as she walked in, she hit the button to close the doors continuously, then pressed the button to the ground floor.

Idly she watched herself in the glass in the back of the elevator, her eyes travelling over her own figure.

Hmm. Pretty, but not as much as that lady.

It was clear that Rhys and she had something together. If not now, then before. And with the way Rhysand’s eyes had lit up with love but also sadness, she knew it was romantic.

Eh. Never really stood a chance anyway.

The elevator finally stopped moving, and Y/n walked out to greet a few lingering employees, who smiled and nodded at her. She smiled too, her mind already wandering to what she would eat for dinner. Maybe she could just get takeout-

She couldn’t.

Ugh.

She groaned as she remembered that her car had broken down the day before, and she’d had it towed to a mechanic shop, who had taken one look at the old, run down vehicle and said it would take them at the very least one week to fix.

Uber it is.

As she walked towards the exit, Y/n shoved her hand into her purse to grab her phone, but everything that came into her hand was not in the shape of that specific piece of rectangle.

Please. I don’t want to go up there again.

Pausing a few feet away from the automatic sliding doors, she peered into the little black purse, and sure enough, she could not see her phone.

Great. Just what I needed.

It didn’t have to be a big deal, Y/n told herself. She would just run up through the stairs, quietly grab her phone and leave.

Sure, you’ve got the energy and bones to run up twenty five floors.

Maybe she could just ask someone else to order a cab for her and she could just take her phone tomorrow-

It was Saturday tomorrow. No office.

Sighing, Y/n turned back, only to find the elevator doors opening and the same clicking of stilettos that had heralded the arrival of that pretty lady. And sure enough, when Y/n looked up from her purse while still cursing her own existence, the woman was walking towards her.

Y/n watched in awe as she stalked past her and out the automatic doors without sparing the countless onlookers a single glance, as if they all were a mere insect and she the god.

If Y/n was being honest, she envied her confidence while also respecting her for it. Y/n could only wish she was that good at being self assured to not trip and faceplant in front of everyone.

Y/n watched till the lady got into the back of a shiny white Audi and drove away, and only then did Y/n remember why she was still in the building.

She hurried into the elevator, her impatience mounting everytime it stopped on different floors for people to get on and off, but by the time she reached the top floor, she was all alone in that metal box. Her heart beating in her throat, she tried to walk as quietly to her desk as she could and snatched off the little device that lay beside her office laptop.

"Y/n?"

She had just turned around to sneak back to the elevator, trying not to look at the silhouette of her boss who stood gazing outside the floor to ceiling glass windows when he called. The low timbre of his voice made her freeze midstep, then glance at him as she brought her lifted leg to rest next to her other one.

"Yes, sir?"

He said nothing for a moment, and Y/n looked around, unsure of what to do. Just as her eyes came to rest on the elevator, it left to go down.

Y/n eyed the metal doors with disappointment when Rhysand asked her to come stand next to him.

She obeyed quietly, the only sound in the silent office that of her of her heels clicking on the marble floors.

He remained quiet when she stopped next to him, his dark blue eyes that bordered on looking like violet under a certain angle of light fixed on the glittering city beneath. Y/n too turned to gaze out of the huge windows when he refused to let his attention move.

It was beautiful, the city. Tall buildings lit up with lights on the inside, their glass reflecting light coming off of large billboards, the red and white lights from cars speeding by blurring together in a beautiful scenery of night, complemented by the full moon that hung amidst a sea of stars.

"It’s beautiful, isn’t it?"

Y/n blinked, coming out of her reverie and taking note of her surroundings again before replying. "Yeah, it is."

He sighed after a moment, glancing at her. "Have you ever been in love, Y/n? Do you believe in it?"

Y/n glanced at him, taken aback by his question.

"I- I guess so. I am currently in love, if it matters."

He nodded, his lips tilted up slightly at the corners.

"Does he know?"

"He… no. And I don’t think I will tell him." A pause, then- "what about you? Do you believe in it?"

"No. Not anymore. It’s bullshit and all it does is hurt people."

"Oh…" Y/n mumbled, not knowing how to respond to that.

He glanced at her uncertainly, then dropped the topic.

"You must have questions."

Y/n met his eyes that glittered like sapphires in the darkened office, then shook her head. "I don’t think I should have questions, and even if I did, I won’t ask them. You have a right to keep your private life private."

He nodded, his eyes unwavering. Y/n could not for the life of her figure out what he was thinking, so instead she focused on her own faint reflection on his black rimmed glasses.

Is there something in my teeth?

He took in a deep breath, looking away.

Nah, there’s nothing. Thank god.

"What did you come back for?"

Y/n blinked, then perked up. "Oh, my phone." She lifted the thing and waved it. "I thought I’d leave it and collect it on Monday, but then I had to order a cab, so-"

"Cab? Why? What happened to your car?"

"Ah, it broke down yesterday. It’s at the mechanic’s. It will take at the very least a week to get fixed, so." She shrugged.

"Well, if that’s the case, let me drop you off."

Y/n’s eyes widened, and she shook her head as if trying to dislodge his offer. "No, sir, please. I can go by myself-"

"Never said you couldn’t." he mumbled, a hint of a smile on his face as he began collecting his phone and keys from the drawer under his desk, rummaging around for whatever it was he needed before straightening.

"Sir-"

"Come."

With that, he began stalking to the elevator, leaving Y/n no choice but to hurry after him.

He ignored all her protests and didn’t even let her get off on the ground floor when she decided that she was going to get a cab nonetheless, and grabbed her hand to force her to stay still.

Of course, the moment his skin touched hers, she froze and then quietly followed him to his black Mercedes in the underground parking.

The ride to her home was mostly silent, the quiet only broken by his deep voice asking for directions and her mumbling when to turn.

If Y/n was being honest, she did not know what to do with herself. She was in a car with her boss who she was in love with, the one who she’d just witnessed get accused of stalking his lover- ex?- and then he was ready to answer her questions about his private life and-

She knew her mind was going into overdrive.

Calm down. He'd think I’m a weirdo.

And him thinking she was a weirdo will just not do-

He probably already thinks I am a weirdo.

Y/n sighed quietly, then told him to stop under the apartment her parents had left her. It was one of the finer things in her life.

"Thank you for dropping me off sir, you really didn’t have to do that." With that and a word of goodbye from Rhysand, Y/n turned to step out of the luxurious vehicle, then stopped.

She did not have time to debate whether offering him to follow her would be a good idea because the damning words were already spilling out of her lips.

"Would you like to stay for dinner sir? Let me cook you something as a thank you."

He smiled, then nodded and asked her where he could park. She directed him to her usual parking spot because her car was not occupying the space.

She cooked her special pasta that night. It was something that her friends always begged her to make whenever they were over and it was also very easy and quick to throw together.

The two of them made friendly conversation throughout the time he stayed over, with the night ending with Rhys asking her to be a part of their friend group that included him, Azriel, Cassian and Rhysand’s cousin.

As surprising as it was, Y/n shyly agreed, considering she hated socialising as much as she hated mushy vegetables.

"Perfect." Rhysand grinned as he stood at the door, ready to leave. "I’ll text you the address for the dinner next week. I can’t wait for you to be a part of us."

With that, he left Y/n to herself and her thoughts.

That night, she fell asleep thinking about Rhysand.

She knew she could never have him romantically, and that was okay.

As long as she became friends with him, it was all that mattered.

°•°•°•○🌑○•°•°•°

Y/n stood, watching the horizon twinkle with golden lights and hints of colour, their reflection in the river between hypnotising.

In the past months, Y/n had gotten closer to Rhys and his friends. They almost were the family she never had, the sibling-like bond they shared cherished beyond expectations.

Somewhere along the two months, Y/n had stopped focusing too much on how much she wanted to be with Rhysand, and yet, she knew she began to fall for him even more than she already had. Worse still, she now had more time to focus on all his little habits and quirks now that she hung out with him outside of office hours.

"Y/n. I think you need to get over whoever that asshole is, you know."

Y/n blinked, turning to face Rhys as he came to stand against the railing next to her.

"What?"

"You know, it’s been a long time since you told me about him. And if you’re still not dating, then I think you need to either tell him or forget him."

Y/n sighed. "It’s not that I don’t want to tell him. I know he would never love me back."

He nodded solemnly. "You said it yourself then. He would never love you. You might as well find someone new to love."

When Y/n rolled her eyes and turned back to stare into the dark waters, he tried again. "At least tell me who this love interest of yours is. Maybe I can knock some sense into him- or her, if you’re into that. I’m tired of seeing you be painfully single."

Y/n shook her head with a rueful smile, wondering what his reaction would be if she actually told him who this ‘love interest’ was.

Since Rhys had asked Y/n to be a part of the friend group, he had managed to get out a confession from Y/n about this ‘mysterious daddy of yours’. His own words, not hers.

He would try to find out who this guy was, he was adamant even, but every time Y/n would manage to escape without revealing who she was head over heels for. She had a relationship with Rhysand that was very precious to her, and she was not interested in jeopardising that.

It was better to just go on a date if it meant he would stop trying to get her to confess.

"Alright. I’ll go on a date."

Y/n could see him perk up. "Really? Let’s find you a guy. It will be so fun."

Y/n offered him a smile before he slipped away, then let the smile drop.

Having grown up without a real friend due to her social anxiety, Y/n cherished the friendship she and Rhys shared.

Initially, she had thought that becoming friends with him would be the best thing to ever happen to her. And it was, but it was also one of the most hurtful things she had gone through.

Being able to talk to him whenever she wanted to, being able to do everything she had ever wanted to do with him, yet not being able to love him the way she truly wanted was a curse in itself.

Sighing, Y/n told herself to stop thinking too much and walked away.

The next two days went by uneventfully, but then the third day, of course, Rhysand had to disrupt Y/n’s peace as she tapped away on her laptop, Cassian hot on his heels.

Those grins on their faces never meant good.

She raised a brow at them, eyeing Cass as he climbed on her table and settled down, pushing away the files in his way.

"Can I help you?"

"Yes, actually." Cass giggled before a word could escape Rhys’s mouth. Rhysand brows rose. "What do you think I should do for Nesta on her birthday?"

Y/n blinked, then leaned back in her seat, scratching her head. "Hmm. She likes to read, right? There’s a new book store that opened recently, it's very big and beautiful. She would love to go there. Make a day out of it. Take her there, then maybe a coffee date and movies-"

Rhys cleared his throat with a pointed glare at a very serious Cassian, who nodded at every word out of Y/n’s mouth and pulled out his phone to note down what to do. "We were here for another thing. Remember?"

Cassia grinned sheepishly and nodded, putting away his phone.

Rhys turned back to Y/n then. "You know, I recently got in contact with an old acquaintance from college." Y/n waited for him to drop the bomb on her, because there was no way he looked so serious just because he wanted to tell her that.

"I set you up on a date with him."

Y/n was rendered speechless. She did not know what to do, what to think. It was like even her mind had stopped working.

Just amazing. This is perfect. The man I love is acting like a wingman. What more could I have asked for?

When she remained silent, Cass and Rhys exchanged an uncertain glance.

"Uh, he’s well off, he’s good looking. He drives a BMW I believe, and-"

"Hmm. Just let me know the time and address."

Rhys blinked at Y/n, surely taken aback by the lack of emotion in her monotone voice. "I- okay yeah but-"

Just then, her phone rang. It was the receptionist. Y/n smiled, thanking every being she could think of for this distraction. She had plans of lunch with the girl who was like a friend too, and so it gave her the perfect escape.

But as she excused herself and all three friends went their separate ways, she could not help but feel someone's gaze on her. And sure enough, as she turned after entering the elevator, she found Rhys studying her, his gaze intense as it met hers.

But the eye contact was cut short as the doors slid closed, and Y/n sighed, blinking away the prickling in her eyes.

°•°•°•○🌑○•°•°•°

She did not want to get dressed, but she also did want Rhys to stop bothering her about her love life, and so she had pulled out her favourite dress from the back of her closet and put it on after taking a shower.

She had just finished putting on some mascara and blush when the doorbell rang, and Y/n paused, staring at herself for a moment before deeming that enough makeup and standing, making her way out of her room. Surprisingly, at her door stood a grinning Rhys.

Y/n was taken aback. He hadn’t informed her of his arrival.

"Hey Rhys, what are you doing here?"

"Why? Are you not happy to see me?"

Y/n rolled her eyes, turning away to go to the kitchen, leaving him to close the door.

She grabbed a glass and filled it with water, then handed it to him when he followed her into the kitchen. She then turned and leaned against the counter, crossing her arms across her chest.

"So. What brings you here?"

He put away the glass after drinking half of the liquid inside, raising his eyebrows playfully.

"What, I can’t come to see my friend without a reason?"

Y/n just watched him, not buying his lies. When he refused to speak more, she sighed. "Rhys, we both know I am not believing the shit you’re spewing right now, so just tell me why you’re here."

He exhaled, leaning his hip against the counter opposite Y/n. "I just wanted to check up on you. You didn’t seem too excited to go on this date."

Y/n unfolded her arms, looking away from his concerned gaze perusing her form. "How can I be happy about going on a date with someone who’s not the man I love?"

"Then tell me who he is Y/n, I could set you up on a date with him." Gone was the friendly warmth he usually talked to her with.

"I can’t Rhysand."

"Why not?!"

"I just- I just can’t, okay? And anyways, I’m trying to move on."

"Who is he?"

"Maybe today I will go meet that friend of yours-"

"Who is he?"

"-and fall in love and I’ll forget him-"

"Tell me who he is-"

"I can’t."

"Why not?"

"You want to know who he is that badly? It’s you, Rhys! It’s you."

His eyes widened, his lips parting as he stared at her. "You- what?"

Y/n refused to look away from him, cursing herself for shedding that one traitorous tear. But then she turned away. "I’m running late. He must be waiting for me."

With that, she walked out the door, ignoring his calls of her name.

Love really was bullshit. It just hurts people.

°•°•°•○🌑○•°•°•°

The two hours she spent with George- Greg? Gregory?- went by too fast. She did not even remember what he said. She could not stop thinking about Rhys and how she had confessed to him before coming to meet with the homo sapien in front of her.

He wanted to talk about himself, which Y/n did not mind one bit because she could not for the life of her listen. He was happy to yap and did not realise Y/n was zoned out the whole time he sang praises of himself, and was all too happy when Y/n paid for herself and then bid him goodbye, his eyes already fixed on a blonde across the restaurant.

Y/n did not want to go home yet, not knowing whether he left or not, so she decided to go sit at a beach near her home. It was empty at this time, most people either at home or out partying. It was a Saturday night after all.

Y/n felt like she had control over nothing. Since the day prior, all she could think of was how she wished she was prettier and had a chance to be with Rhys. She loved herself and her appearance, of course, but she could admit, she was nothing compared to that lady who had stormed into the office that day, telling Rhys to call off the stalker.

Y/n had never had any hope from the beginning. She had known that her feelings could not be anything but a crush, even if she wanted them to be more. Rhys was simply too good for her, and she was not above accepting that. She might have been delusional, but she wasn’t delusional enough to think he could ever return her feelings.

"I was waiting for you."

Y/n froze, suddenly aware of the sand grains between her toes, her heels discarded next to her, knees pulled up to her chest.

She did not respond, simply because she did not know how to. Now that she had been pulled out of her thoughts, she could hear him walking towards her, his steps cushioned by the shifting sand.

She decided to focus on the wind in her hair, on the soft, soothing melody of the water.

He settled down next to her, and she could not help but notice that he sat a little too close to be casual and friendly.

He said nothing for a long moment, and Y/n decided that in this moment, she could pretend to be his. She could pretend that he was hers and that they were madly in love. That he did not track her down here somehow and that the two of them were simply having a date night out.

"Her name is Feyre."

Y/n glanced at him from the corner of her eyes, unsure what he was talking about.

"She’s Nesta’s sister. That was how Nesta met Cassian, to be honest. She and I had been dating since we were in college."

It clicked for Y/n then, who he was talking about.

Tall, pretty, gorgeous hair and eyes. On top of that, a pretty name too? A jackpot, honestly.

As soon as that thought occurred to her, Y/n willed herself to stop thinking and just listen to the storytime by grandma Rhys.

Grandma Rhys??

All that was left was a rocking chair and some knitting needles and yarn.

He’d rock that fit too.

"She and Nesta… they grew up in conditions that were less than livable. Their father had lost his business and traumatised by the losses, he started staying home. Feyre had to work to keep the family going. She got to go to college because of scholarships."

Instantly, Y/n wished she could just give the lady a hug. But instead, she laid her head on her raised knees, turning her head to watch Rhys as he spoke.

"I had grown up in a filthy rich family, getting everything I wanted at my beck and call. Back then, I was smitten. Knowing what she had gone through, I wanted to provide for her. I took over my father’s businesses, began my own. Just so I could give her the lifestyle she deserved.

"While I was busy trying to get her to stop working… She wanted to provide for herself. It gave her a sense of independence, I understand that now. Having to depend on others before made her want to have freedom, and me trying to get her to stay at home made her feel suffocated. It led to a lot of arguments, more than was healthy. It upsetted me. I always wondered why she did not want to rule the empire I brought to her feet."

Y/n blinked, wondering what she would have done in that situation. Would she also have left Rhys?

"Eventually, she left me. Yet I could not bring myself to let go of her, always concerned about her safety for some reason. That’s when she came to the office, remember?"

Y/n did. A little too well.

But still, her heart hurt for him and her. She understood both sides, and she wished the two had just communicated better. Y/n knew they had loved each other a lot, it was clearly visible on their faces. At least on RHys’s. And from the way Rhys talked about her, Y/n could not help but like her too. She sounded like a nice person, someone deserving of someone as awesome as Rhys.

Even if that would have made Y/n’s chances of being with Rhys zero, she wished they had stayed and worked through their problems together.

He sighed, then turned his head to look at Y/n. "Do you know why I’m telling you this?"

Y/n shook her head, lifting it from her knees, trying to crack the tiny cramp.

He smiled. "I… while you were on that date, I sat and thought about it. Maybe it’s time for me to move on too. And now that I’ve acknowledged stuff I was too scared to before, I think I am ready."

His eyes held something so soft, so vulnerable as he gazed into Y/n’s eyes.

"Look, I don’t know how to say this without sounding like a complete creep and like an asshole, but I’m hoping you won’t judge me, but it’s fine if you’ve changed your mind and-"

"Just say it Rhys." Y/n laughed, already feeling like she knew where this was going.

He sighed. "I… do you want to go on a date with me?"

Y/n grinned. Flustered Rhys was something to cherish. "Sure, why not."

He perked up. "Really?"

She nodded. "As long as you actually want this and I’m not a replacement for Feyre-"

"You’re not, I swear! I’ve been feeling different towards you for some time now, I promise-"

"I believe you."

He blinked. "Really?"

Y/n nodded, and he relaxed, resting his head on her shoulder.

"This was easier than I thought it would be."

Y/n giggled.

It really was easier than expected.

Maybe love wasn’t bullshit after all.

°•°•°•○🌑○•°•°•°

Permanent Taglist: @berryzxx @sarawritestories @milswrites @throneofsmut

@daycourtofficial @sweetorangeblossom @secret-third-thing

Acotar Taglist: @bubybubsters @eos-princess @nightless @harrystylesfan2686

@cassie6392 @kennedy-brooke @tele86 @miluiel1

@hnyclover @minnieoo @sidrapotter @piceous21

@mybestfriendmademe @saltedcoffeescotch @lady-of-tearshed @starsinyourseyes

@starswholistenanddreamsanswered @cumuluscranium @byyalady

@lilah-asteria @girlswithimagination @garden-of-runar @girlswithimagination

@sunnyspycat @artists-ally @milswrites @kingdomofstarrynights

@berryzxx @buttermilktea11 @loving-and-dreaming @yucanbmylxdy

@mellowmusings

Rhysand Taglist: @kennedy-brooke @hnyclover

#rhysand x reader #rhysand fanfic #rhysand #acotar #acotar fandom #acotar fanfic #acotar fluff #acotar series #acotar writing #a court of thorns and roses #sarah j maas #acotar headcanon #mating bond

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fujoshirat · 2 months ago

Text

Pink Pony Club! ♡

𝓞𝓱 𝓶𝓪𝓶𝓪, 𝓘'𝓶 𝓳𝓾𝓼𝓽 𝓱𝓪𝓿𝓲𝓷𝓰 𝓯𝓾𝓷 𝓞𝓷 𝓽𝓱𝓮 𝓼𝓽𝓪𝓰𝓮 𝓲𝓷 𝓶𝔂 𝓱𝓮𝓮𝓵𝓼 𝓘𝓽'𝓼 𝔀𝓱𝓮𝓻𝓮 𝓘 𝓫𝓮𝓵𝓸𝓷𝓰…

Summary: The war is over and the world is at peace. However, newly crowned Fire Lord Zuko has someone he needs to apologize to, and he's determined to win back your trust—if he can find you. Where is your blue flame, and where have you gone?

Warnings: fire lord Zuko (after the war!), afab reader, angst, unrequited love (I still haven't watched ATLA in a while so I don't know the timeline so don't come after me if it isn't completely accurate (╥﹏╥)), bars, performer!reader, happy open to interpretation ending :,)

Word Count: 3k!

Inspired by "Pink Pony Club" by midwest princess Chappell Roan, sequel to Please Please Please! ♡

Life is different for Fire Lord Zuko.

No more running, no more fighting, no more hatred. Sure, there were small rebellions by skeptics and pro-Ozai supporters, but these groups were dying out by the day and posed no threat to the reborn nation.

But Zuko felt like something was missing.

He realized this when he walked past a familiar corridor and a familiar maid passed by him. She greeted him politely, but when he nodded in reply, he noticed a familiar tray holding cups of glass and water.

Familiar… He realized, for he was reminded of dainty, nimble hands littered with scars and burns. Those hands healed his own, wrapping soft bandages around his own calloused hands. It was a little embarrassing how he acted prior to joining the Avatar.

‘Funny,’ he thought as he walked through the quiet halls, ‘Is this what “maturing” does to a person?’ He pauses in front of a certain door, pondering something before opening it. Though he has no doubts about the servants cleaning it while he was away, there was a lingering smell of emptiness and the state of being unused that filled his lungs. However, dusty may it be, the room looked just the way he remembered it to be that night. The open closet doors held maybe a half-a-dozen custom-tailored dresses, the vanity mirror reflected makeup powders and discs still in good condition. On the nightstand, a music box with a traditional fire nation ribbon dancer twirled, time stopped like the music. Zuko’s fingers tenderly brush against the dusty box, finding their way to the attached key and turning it. Thus, the familiar melody began to play as if the girl humming it was right there. The fire lord stands there, bathing in the song and pondering about the past.

Zuko knows he cannot erase his mistakes, his temper scorching deep into the hearts of those he hurt. It’s not as simple as saying “I’m sorry.” He knows that he hurt you, bad. You didn’t want this arrangement either, yet you took the pain with a smile and played your role. His past self envied you. Why were you able to play the role his father and your parents wanted you to play? Why were you okay with it?

Zuko wants to make it up to you. However, it isn’t that simple. After exiting your room, he looked for the person who would know the most about your story after he was exiled: your butler. By this time, the man was well into his old age. Thankfully, he was able to retire on the palace grounds in a small cottage. When Zuko inquired about you, the elderly man let out a sigh.

“Lord Zuko, there is something you must know…” His eyebrows furrowed and his gaze became increasingly curious. “Please, continue.” The man clears his throat and points to a map of the nation on the wall.

“Miss Y/N’s father retired a few months after your exile. However…” The ex-butler’s expression hardens.

“Before he retired, Miss Y/N was long gone.”

‘Long gone?’ “What do you mean?”

“The day that you left, at around noon, Miss Y/N also left and was nowhere to be found.” Zuko’s eyes widen in shock. He knew that you left after defeating his father once and for all, but he didn’t know that you were gone.

“She isn’t with her family? I assumed that she returned to her household once I was exiled.” The butler shakes his head. “Ever since they retired, the L/N family has not maintained contact. Perhaps they were overthrown from their home during the final revolt, but we haven’t heard from them.” Zuko’s lips press together into a thin line. The next morning, the fire lord arranged a carriage for himself and was driven to the L/N manor.

After a few hours, he arrived at the gates of the compound, overgrown with vines and a hint of antiquity. It was evident that the household was no longer a family of great power, that era long gone. Once exiting the carriage with a few guards, an elderly servant greets him at the door. She bows deeply, pushing the rim of her glasses up.

“Welcome, my lord, to the L/N home. The lady and general sincerely apologize for being unable to greet you.” Zuko shakes his head. “It’s no trouble at all. I do hope my intrusion isn’t a burden. I just need to speak to them.” Nodding, the servant leads him inside.

The mansion is definitely smaller than the palace, yet the style and atmosphere mirrors Y/N’s bedroom. Antiques and regal furniture decorate the silent space. Thinking about it, he had never seen the L/N manor or known anything about his ex-fiancé’s childhood.

And then, there’s the dust.

The dust is heavy, like the silence. Almost like there wasn’t any life left in the mansion. The servant stops in front of wooden double doors and she knocks on it. “Sire, the fire lord is here.”

“Thank you, please let him in.” Zuko recognizes the voice to be your father. As he is ushered in, he’s greeted by an unexpected sight: the formerly zealous general now frail and quiet, and your pale mother in the bed, clutching your father’s hand. ‘She doesn’t look well,’ Zuko notes. ‘Don’t they have their own physician? Or other relatives? If I recall, none of the L/Ns were driven out…’ Your father clears his throat and does his best to bow.

“My lord, it is an honor to see you.” Zuko shakes his head yet again. “Please, there is no need to bow. It’s good to see you again, Sir L/N.” Turning to the sickly woman, Zuko walks a bit closer and bows his head slightly. “Hello, Lady L/N, I’m here to offer my condolences.” The woman just looks at him, eyes bloodshot and red, perhaps from crying. She can only mutter a weak “hello” before turning her head away.

“I apologize, my lord, for my wife is extremely ill.” “It’s alright, I pray that she gets better. But…” Zuko hesitates before continuing, “I’d like to ask about someone.” He watches your father stiffen, already knowing who he’s referring to.

“I would like to know where Y/N is.”

At the mention of her name, her mother sits up in cold sweat, scaring both men. Her husband acts quickly and rubs her hand, squeezing it softly in attempts to calm her.

“Y/N? Where? WHERE!?”

“Shh, no darling, she isn’t here.”

“Oh.” Laying her back down, Y/N’s father clears his throat at looks at Zuko.

“We apologize, my lord. I assume you’ve heard about her disappearance after you left, correct?” He watches the fire lord nod before continuing hesitantly.

“We are still looking for her.” Zuko’s eyes widen. How could she still be gone? Noticing his shock, the ex-general continues.

“We’ve sent search parties, made announcements, posters, and letters. But no one’s seen her or anyone like her.” ‘So much for trying to make amends.’

Well, plan A was scrapped, he couldn’t atone if he didn’t know where she was!

But Zuko is a very stubborn man, and he needed to make it up to you. It must be the entire gang rubbing up on him, because 16-year-old him would have never done that. Maybe for Mai, but for you? 16-year-old him had no interest in you.

He treated you badly, and you didn’t deserve any of it. You deserved better.

“Thank you.” Your parents’ eyes widen, clearly not understanding why he thanked them. Your father bows his head low, but before he can speak, your mother speaks up first.

“I’m…. sorry Y/N. I failed you.”

Zuko understood your mother. As she broke down to tears for what seemed like the nth time, he quietly took his leave and traveled back to the palace. His mind drifted in the carriage, the hum of the soft breeze filling his ears. He understood your mother a lot. She was who initiated the arrangement, and you probably despised her for it. It was a mother’s pain, she probably didn’t realize how much it would hurt you. Now, she’s being eaten away by the shame and guilt, time on earth slowly diminishing.

And the guilt was eating away at Zuko, too. However, the fire lord was able-bodied and had the determination to set out on a journey-no longer for glory or revenge or redemption, but for you.

⋆𐙚₊˚⊹♡

Your boots thump against the pavement, heart pounding in your chest. You were so screwed! You should have known better; it’s a Friday night and of course there had to be more people and stalls on the road! Thank goodness you were popular (not to brag), you could definitely use that to your advantage for negotiation. Opening the back door to the bar, you scramble to the prep room. There, your manager gasps and claps her hands, signaling the makeup artists and hair staff to start working.

“There you are! You were supposed to be here fifteen minutes ago!” You laugh sheepishly and hold your breath as one of the makeup girls dust powder on your cheeks. “I know I know! It’s just that the Friday night market was super crowded tonight and I got caught up in the crowd!” The lady just shakes her head with a sigh before shooing away the makeup girls so that the hairstylists can quickly fix you up. “Nevermind, you’re lucky this bar’s been desperately wanting you to perform. You’re up in five, so go over the song once more.”

“Yes ma’am!” You watch her walk to the bar managers and give them the ‘ok’ before rushing around to do manager things. Looking at your reflection in the mirror, you bite your lip tentatively at the woman you’ve become.

⋆𐙚₊˚⊹♡

It wasn’t a very smart idea, to sneak out of the palace on a Friday night. Now that martial law and strict decrees were revoked, the fire nation’s night life could prosper once more. This meant that there would be a lot more people, a lot more eyes and faces that could bump into and more importantly recognize the fire lord. Tucking closer into his shabby red cloak, Zuko’s eyes scan for anything, anywhere he could duck in to hide. Perhaps it was dinner that was keeping him awake, because the reason why he snuck out was because he couldn’t sleep and thought he needed fresh air—Not to say that dinner was unpleasant. It was nice seeing the group again after the last few busy months he had while trying to undo the damage his father previously did. The only person he had consistent contact with was Aang (who was guiding him), but the others? He hadn’t seen the water tribe siblings and Toph since his coronation. Walking as quickly as possible, Zuko turned to the alleyways in order to somewhat hide in the shadows.

And then,

there it is.

A quaint little bar with a somewhat small crowd outside. Quickly, he slips inside and sits down at an inconspicuous corner booth. A young man walks up to him and takes his order before heading back to the bar. The bar is interesting. It’s nothing fancy like a ballroom or a high-end bar in a more high-end area of the capital. However, it has bright lights with neon flames and hues, giving it a spunky effect. The people inside don’t seem to be moaning and groaning about their problems, but rather… smiling and cheering? ‘How odd,’ Zuko thinks to himself. Once the server from before gives him his drink and leaves him alone, Zuko adjusts his hood to widen his view. Thus, he notices an unoccupied stage. Most of the customers are gathered around it, and the fire lord finds his curiosity peaked.

Clinking glass and hushed chatter until finally, a woman steps out onto the stage.

“Ladies and gentlemen, are you ready?!”

The customers go wild at the announcement as the lady steps off. The curtain opens, and there she is, dressed in a performer’s outfit and bathing in the pink bar lights. She’s got a hat covering her face, obstructing the audience from seeing her identity. Making her way to the piano, she stands in front of the microphone and begins.

“I know you wanted me to stay

But I can't ignore the crazy visions of me in LA”

Zuko only needs to hear her voice, because he recognizes it from that night.

It’s you. ‘I’ve found you.’ His eyes never leave you, the familiar melody of your songs embedded in his mind. A shiver jolts down his spine when you finally lift your hat and smile at the crowd.

"God, what have you done? You're a pink pony girl, and you dance at the club

Oh Mama, I'm just having fun

On the stage in my heels

It's where I belong down at the

Pink Pony Club

I'm gonna keep on dancing at the Pink Pony Club

I'm gonna keep on dancing down in West Hollywood

I'm gonna keep on dancing at the Pink Pony Club”

Your heart is thumping erratically from the crowd’s positive vibes. This was what you loved: the freedom to express yourself and sing your heart out. Under an alias, neither the crowd nor your manager knew of your past identity. And the elite? Still searching. Dopamine races through your body from the excitement as you sing the final lyrics, the crowd erupting in ecstatic cheers. You bow and wave at the audience before returning backstage. You’re sweating, but your manager (surprisingly) gives you a hug.

“Hey! That was one of your best gigs. Good job!”

“Thanks!” She ushers you back into the chair and gets you a glass of water. You eagerly take a large gulp, the refreshing liquid rejuvenating your throat. “Do you need help getting home?” Putting the glass back down, you shake your head.

“I’ll be fine! I didn't drink any alcohol, and it was just one song.”

After about ten minutes of cooling down and undoing all of the touch-ups, you part ways with your manager and exit the back of the bar.

---

Zuko’s heart thumps rapidly in his chest as he admired your figure retreating backstage. Were you always this beautiful? You sounded as wonderful as before, like a siren from the deep.

Perhaps this was the freedom he knew you dreamed of, the freedom that you sang of. You were free to express yourself, sing what you want, say what you want, wear what you want. You weren’t shackled down by your status or his, you could be a pink pony girl. Was this who you truly were? Who you hid from him—no, everyone? Zuko watched you sparkle and shine on that stage, as if you were a goddess on her rightful throne in the sky. Perhaps this was where you truly belonged, your true home.

This was Zuko’s chance, and he wasn’t going to let you slip through his fingers. He puts his hood back up and pays for his drink before exiting the bar. Looking around, he desperately tries to find you again. ‘Pink boots, leather-trimmed hat..’

CLINK! CLINK! CLINK! The fire lord gasps when he hears the familiar sound of your boots hitting the pavement. Turning his head around, he spots you trying to navigate the crowd. Though not as bad as earlier, it is still a push-and-pull-your-way-through crowd. The chill night air nips at his fingers as he follows you into another quiet alleyway.

“Wait!”

And then, you stop. Feet planted to the ground, you slowly turn your head to look at him. For the first time in forever, he is face-to-face with you. The expression on your face is unreadable, though it carries a hint of shock and uncertainty—perhaps even fear.

Zuko understand why you’d feel that way. The way he treated you was unfair, and naturally you would be scared of him. Had he come to take you back to the palace again? To make you live that restrictive life like before? To scorn you? He swallows hard, throat dry.

“I’ve been looking for you.”

Your lips press together in a thin line.

“How did you find me?” He gestures to your boots and hat. “I saw you in the bar, you sounded beautiful.” Zuko watches your eyes widen at the compliment, clearly not expecting it. “It’s nothing, really.”

“It’s not nothing, you’re incredible.” Looking away with embarrassment, your cheeks heat up. It's been two years, and you weren't going to let some jerk mess with your heart again! “What do you want, Zu- I mean, Fire Lord?” Zuko stiffens up at the formalities.

“You don’t need to call me that. Just my name is fine.” Hesitancy is evident by the look on your face, but you continue.

“Alright, Zuko, what do you want?” The man pauses, trying to find the right words.

“I wanted to… no, I needed to see you,” he says, voice quieter. “I need to explain and apologize.”

Your brows knit together, your arms crossing in front of your chest. “Explain and apologize?” you repeat, skepticism clear in your voice. “What is there to explain?”

The fire lord flinches, though he should have expected this. Of course you would be upset, who wouldn’t? Not faltering, he steps closer yet maintains an appropriate distance.

“I realize how unfair I was to you, and I want to apologize.” He watches you frown, your hands reaching up to smooth out your frizzy hair due to the humidity.

“Unfair is… a way to say it. You didn’t just ignore me, Zuko, you treated me like I didn’t exist. Like I was a burden.” Shame eats away at him even more when you tell him that, but you beat him to speaking once more.

“I understand that you didn’t want the arrangement, but you really hurt me.” Zuko’s throat tightens at your words, hands curling into fists at his sides. Taking a deep breath, he looks at you in the eyes. ‘It’s time to be honest and sincere to her,’ he reflects. “I know,” he says softly, his voice full of guilt, “I can’t undo what I’ve done in the past, I can’t undo the pain. I was wrong, and I am deeply sorry.” He places his left hand over his heart, speaking the truth. “I don’t expect to make everything better. I ruined what could have been a good relationship, and I don’t expect you to forgive me. But…,” His eyes linger on yours.

“I couldn’t leave things the way they were, especially now that I see. You deserved better than how I treated you, and you deserved to at least hear that from me—not as formalities as Fire Lord, but from me, Zuko.”

Your gaze softens slightly at the mature man in front of you. You never expected this, especially from him.

But… he’s really changed.

Letting out a sigh, you offer him a sad smile. “You’re right,” you begin, “I did deserve better.” Your voice suddenly goes quiet, worrying Zuko. “Thank you, but words alone won’t fix things, I’m sure you know.” His facial expression softens when you say that, and his tone becomes determined.

“I know, and I’m ready to do whatever it takes to make it up to you.” He pauses, voice soft again.

“I’d like to start from the beginning, from nothing, but only if you let me.”

Studying him for a moment, you judge his sincerity. Finally, you let out a breath and nod.

“I’ll give you a chance, I won’t make it easy, but… I would like to start over.”

The sun rises in the horizon, casting a soft glow of hope over the two of you. Zuko stands there, unwavering determination as a small blue flame of hope flickers in his eyes. It’s a tough pill to swallow, a difficult decision to make, but your heart tells you to make it.

‘He’s truly changed,’ the wind whispers in your ear, feeding the blue flame. It warms your soul—and perhaps his too. Neither of you say anything more, no words needed to be said.

A/N: That's the sequel! Thank you so much for reading this and I hope that you enjoyed <3 I hate sad endings so I didn't know how to end it because obviously we aren't going to easily forgive Zuzu but like.......... >< Anyways! It was fun writing something different for a change and hopefully I can do more like these in the future ( ˶ˆᗜˆ˵ )

#zuko x reader #Zuko x reader #zuko x you #firelord zuko #firelord zuko x reader #zuko x yn #zuko x y/n #firelord zuko x you #atla #atla x reader #avatar x reader #atla fanfic #avatar the last airbender #angst #avatar the last airbender x reader #fire lord #pink pony club #songfic #open ending

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npookie0 · 2 months ago

Note

Hi hi~! I absolutely love your writing and often find myself coming back to reread many of your pieces. However, it can sometimes be a bit tedious to scroll through all the posts to find a specific one. I was wondering if you’d consider creating a masterlist to make it easier to navigate your work? Of course, there’s no obligation to do this if it’s too much trouble—I just thought I’d ask!

Omg yes!!!

(i had to look this thing up lmao)

Masterlist fixed!

N's Masterlist <3

Killer Chat!

The Devil - Ronin

Date with your Devilish Butcher

When the Devil is there for you.

The Devil is Your Saviour. - Ronin X trans!fem reader

Ronin's Headcanons

The Devil helps an Angel lose its wings

Sweet Killer Obsession

The Devil's Hyper Man.

Veins Filled With Caffeine Poison

Serenading the Devil.

Submitting Your Aorta To the Devil.

Devil To the Rescue.

Devil's Fucked Up Darling

3am Delusions.

Devilish Healing Assistance

The Devil's Devotee.

The Words Of a Snake.

Devil's Special Care.

Afraid Of the Dream.

The Devil's Celebrations.

Alcoholic Lover.

The Saint Becomes the Sinner.

Devil's Messed Up Lover.

Swimming With The Snake.

Load and shot!

The Devil is your voice.

Bird imprisoned in its own cage.

Wings painted crimson.

From behind the screen.

Devil's sweetheart has a secret.

A broken soul.

Body is the true form of art.

To hide your true colours is to be stripped of freedom.

Sickly lover and their Devil.

Mourning Star.

The Devil's Help.

Over And Over Again.

A Massacred Lover

The Heartsick Angel.

Taking care of your overworked angel.

Angelic Healer.

Dancer stripped of freedom.

Angel's headcanons.

GINGERLY WAITING FOR YOU.

From Shadows to Limelight.

Heartburn and Shackles

A Mind Too Loud.

V - Vigilante, Justice, Batman.

When blood stains your hands for the first time, call for w Vigilante.

A nuisance for a Vigilante.

Care Of a Vigilante.

Never Alone, Always Scared.

V headcanons!

Goodnight, Gentle Monster.

Misaki - The Worldwide Assassin.

A fool terrified of seeing their foolish goof.

Headless lover.

Misaki headcanons!

Other (KC cast, Poly, ships)

KC x Lethargy Reader

Halloween with your killers.

The KC cast when you're sick

KC x Silly Reader

A killer's soothing lover.

N yap about how they write the cast.

And historians call them friends. Luca x reader X Feli

Drag Queen reader x KC

Killers in Distress.

The Chaotic Duo Ronin x Misaki

Celebrating with the Chaotic Duo Ronin x Reader x Misaki

Enemies to lovers... With an additional lover? V x reader x Ronin

Angel, Devil, and a Mortal. Angel x reader x Ronin

Make Up Artiste

Angelic birthday of Christ with the Devil.

Murderous sketches, dangerous praises.

Serial killers but put them in an high school.

'Til death do us part.

Chaotic souls with corrupted minds. - Ronsaki.

A singer and their song.

A vlog full of love. - Ansaki

Soft Loving Sinners - Angel x reader x Ronin

Gluttony Gods

May The Sinful Love Stay Unrequited Forever. - Thernin.

Save the last dance for me. - Thernin.

Save The Angel's Queen. - Thernin

Tales Of a Feather.

Love Through Violence.

Bound By Sin.

Gingersnaps and Kisses.

Rotting Nightmare.

SERAPHIM SLUM

More stories will be coming and I will link them here ^^

I wanted to say how thankful I am for you guys, you reading my fics, leaving requests... It means a lot!

I can't believe that I posted my first fic on the 20th of October and now on the 18th of November I have so much fics that we need a whole list!!!

I am so so so thankful for everything my dear pookies

I will be posting more!!!!

A reminder that I am taking commissions, my kofi link is:

Here!

If you want to discuss the commission hit me up on discord @npookie0 or in private msgs here!

- N <3

#killer chat #killer chat ronin #fanfic #angel killer chat #misaki killer chat #v killer chat #asks #masterlist #gluttony gods #ronin gluttony gods #ther estridge #thernin

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eunseoksimp · 6 months ago

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masterlist

"love can be the most exquisite form of agony"

Osaki Shotaro

Golden Boy | nsfw

shotaro is everyone’s favourite person. extremely lovable and kind to those around him, but there’s only so much he can take, especially when you keep pushing his limits.

Hopeless Romantic | sfw

in the quiet corners of your heart, a one-sided yearning blooms—a hopeless romantic lost in dreams of unrequited love. every glance, every fleeting touch, fuels a fire of longing that dances in the shadows, a tender ache that whispers of what could be but never was.

CPR | sfw

amidst the depths of heartbreak and endless gray, where every step felt heavy, you stumbled upon shotaro osaki. his quiet compassion and warmth cut through the cold, offering solace and his gentle presence beginning to mend your shattered heart. with his presence, he pulled you back from the brink, making you believe in the possibility of healing and reminding you what it feels like to be truly alive again.

. ݁ ˖ ࣪ . ⋆ * .♡ *:･ﾟ. ݁ ˖ ࣪ . ⋆ * .♡ *:･ﾟ. ݁ ˖ ࣪ .

Song Eunseok

He loves me, he loves me not | slight nsfw

all her life, han yumi was used to those around her making her feel unloved. desperate to fill the want of being desired, she finds love in a place she probably shouldn’t.

He loves me, he loves me not 2 | slight nsfw

eunseok, increasingly obsessed with yumi despite his steady and improving relationship with his girlfriend, begins dedicating all his time to his partner. this shift leaves yumi feeling insecure, hurt, and utterly heartbroken. in response, she starts distancing herself from him, a move that triggers euneok's mental breakdown as he grapples with the consequences of his divided heart.

Between the lines | sfw

the importance of communication and understanding, and the consequences that can arise when those elements are lacking. a relationship in turmoil, leading to frustration and distance between the two individuals.

Care For You | sfw

in the quiet of a fading evening, two souls meet where it all began. emotions simmer beneath the surface, caught between what was and what could be. in the silence, a fragile hope lingers.

. ݁ ˖ ࣪ . ⋆ * .♡ *:･ﾟ. ݁ ˖ ࣪ . ⋆ * .♡ *:･ﾟ. ݁ ˖ ࣪ .

Jung Sungchan

Poison | nsfw

the pain and heartache that can come from being involved with someone who is emotionally manipulative, deceitful, and simply not right for you. capturing the essence of the rollercoaster of emotions that one experiences when caught in the grips of a toxic love affair.

Poison 2 | nsfw

in this tumultuous love affair, you were the puppeteer, pulling the strings of sungchan's heart with a cruel precision. the pain and heartache he experienced were the price he paid for the moments of connection you allowed, a constant reminder of the toxic grip you held over him. as the days turned into nights, the line between love and manipulation blurred, leaving you searching for a connection beyond lust.

Coming Down | nsfw

explores the theme of addiction and it’s effects on relationships. the internal conflict of a man caught between the allure of a hedonistic lifestyle, and the genuine love he has for his girlfriend.

Jealousy | nsfw

caught in the throes of a jealous obsession, your feelings for sungchan have grown dangerously intense. relying on him for emotional support, you crave his attention and validation in everything you do. the news of his love for another girl shatters your world, igniting a desperate desire to do anything to keep him by your side.

Hilarious | sfw

sungchan being the asshole ex who doesn’t realise what he’s lost until it’s gone. based off of the song hilarious by charlie puth.

Entangled | sfw

the relationship between you and sungchan is a tumultuous storm, a volatile mix of passion and pain, bound by an intense love that is as toxic as it is profound. sungchan, an underground fighter, using the ring as an outlet for his inner demons and you, clinging to him as you seek solace from your own unhealed wounds. two broken pieces clinging to each other in a toxic dance of dependency and desperation.

Same Mistake | sfw

trapped in a cycle of love and heartbreak, you and sungchan navigate the complexities of a tumultuous relationship. as emotions flare and unspoken truths linger, both of you struggle to break free from the patterns that keep pulling you apart.

. ݁ ˖ ࣪ . ⋆ * .♡ *:･ﾟ. ݁ ˖ ࣪ . ⋆ * .♡ *:･ﾟ. ݁ ˖ ࣪ .

Park Wonbin

Infatuation | nsfw

an exploration of secrecy, infidelity, and the complex emotions that arise from these actions. a woman who is in a painful relationship with a man who she loves, but is seen as nothing more than the object of his desires. an unfortunate tale of a woman making a God out of a mortal.

Infatuation 2 | sfw

in the wake of the collapse of your turbulent relationship with wonbin, the arrival of the enigmatic donghyuck offers a glimmer of hope. you seek solace in his genuine compassion, but in return wonbin’s obsessive desperation takes a darker turn. consumed by jealousy and fear of losing you, he resorts to cunning manipulation, exploiting every secret and weakness to reclaim you.

Infatuation 3 | slight nsfw

you finally take wonbin back, hoping to rekindle the love that once burned so brightly. but the pieces of your relationship, shattered by past betrayals, no longer fit together as they once did. as you navigate the fragile threads of a love that has been tarnished, you find yourself spiraling deeper into a web of confusion and pain. a poignant journey through the anguish of clinging to the past, and the inevitable realization that some things, once broken, can never be fully repaired.

West Coast | nsfw

caught in the chaos of fame and forbidden longing, you’re the guitarist in a rising band, battling intense feelings for park wonbin—charismatic, untouchable, and completely unaware of the storm he’s stirred within you. despite the deep adoration you pour into your music, he remains distant, leaving you to grapple with a passion that he’ll never truly return.

. ݁ ˖ ࣪ . ⋆ * .♡ *:･ﾟ. ݁ ˖ ࣪ . ⋆ * .♡ *:･ﾟ. ݁ ˖ ࣪ .

Hong Seunghan

Sandstorm | slight nsfw

The complexities of a turbulent relationship between two people who love each other but struggle to see eye to eye. They attempt to compromise and reconcile but realise that with each other, they are like a violent sandstorm.

. ݁ ˖ ࣪ . ⋆ * .♡ *:･ﾟ. ݁ ˖ ࣪ . ⋆ * .♡ *:･ﾟ. ݁ ˖ ࣪ .

Lee Sohee

Solace | sfw

the struggles of trying to connect with someone who is deeply guarded and emotionally unavailable.

Wish you Roses | sfw

in a tranquil garden filled with blooming roses, two former lovers, you and sohee, sit together for the first time since the peaceful breakup. surrounded by the fragrant air and golden light, there’s no bitterness, only a quiet understanding that love doesn’t always need to end with pain. instead, like the roses shedding their petals, you release each other with grace, celebrating what was while embracing what will be.

. ݁ ˖ ࣪ . ⋆ * .♡ *:･ﾟ. ݁ ˖ ࣪ . ⋆ * .♡ *:･ﾟ. ݁ ˖ ࣪ .

Lee Anton

Stargirl | sfw

anton had passed by many eyes but he seemed to only get lost in yours. the bass guitarist for a popular college band, the supposed opposite of him, taking your position in the light whilst he lurked in the shadows. and yet all he cares about is seeing you shine, his favourite stargirl.

Pleasure is all mine | nsfw

anton finally gives into his hedonistic sexual desires and you just can’t pass up the opportunity.

Siren | sfw

at seonghwa academy, you reign like a queen—flawless, untouchable, and cold as ice. your beauty is your weapon, used to control and manipulate those who fall under your spell. but when you catch the eye of anton, a brooding athlete with a quiet intensity, you meet your match. beneath his silence lies a dark obsession, a twisted desire that mirrors your own. as you engage in a dangerous dance of power and control, the line between.

#riize x reader #riize imagines #riize scenarios

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emmkayyy03 · 2 months ago

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Venus in the 12th House: Love in the Shadows, Art from the Heart 💔🎨

Darling, if Venus in the 12th house had a tagline, it’d be: “I love like a secret, I dream like a poet, and I heal like a saint—but at what cost?” 🌙💋

These are the people who romanticize everything. The rain? A metaphor for their tears. 🌧️ The moon? Their confidante. 🌕 And love? Oh, love is a mystery, a riddle they’re forever trying to solve. But don’t be fooled—this placement isn’t just about unrequited crushes and longing gazes. No, Venus in the 12th is where magic happens. ✨

💌 The Lover of Shadows If you’ve got Venus here, you’ve probably fallen for someone you couldn’t have at least once (or 17 times—no judgment). It’s giving forbidden romance, midnight rendezvous, or falling for the idea of someone more than the reality. 💭 You crave connections so deep they feel cosmic, but sometimes you end up loving in secret or losing yourself in the fantasy.

And the drama? Oh, the drama! You’re the type to write love letters you never send, cry to a Lana Del Rey song, and feel every emotion like it’s a hurricane in your soul. 🌊 But babe, that’s your power. You feel. And that makes you an artist, even if you don’t realize it yet.

🎭 The Artist’s Soul Let’s be real: Venus in the 12th is where all the best art comes from. The heartbreak? Iconic. The longing? Immortalized in poetry, paintings, or playlists no one is allowed to see. 🎶🎨 You turn pain into beauty, and everyone around you feels it. People might not understand you, but they feel you.

⚡ The Shadow Side But here’s the tea, darling ☕: this placement can get messy. You might fall for emotionally unavailable types because deep down, you’re scared of being truly seen. Or maybe you romanticize the idea of someone so much that the reality feels like a letdown. Don’t settle for love that only exists in your daydreams—your heart deserves to be cherished IRL, too.

💎 A Glamorous Reminder Venus in the 12th isn’t a curse; it’s a superpower. You have the ability to see love in its purest, most transcendent form. But remember this: you don’t have to love in the shadows forever. You’re allowed to want a love that’s as real and radiant as you are.

You’re a dreamer, an artist, and a healer all rolled into one. And when you let your light shine, even from behind the veil, the world becomes a little more magical. 🕊️✨

So, here’s to you, the dreamer of dreams and the keeper of secrets. May your love be as vast as the ocean and as bright as the stars. 🌌💖

#astrology #vedicastrology #tropical astrology #venus #darakaraka #venus darakaraka #astroblog

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jaemified · 2 years ago

Text

same dream, same mind, same night - hong jisoo

“ive waited this long to be with you. what’s another few months?”

pairing; joshua hong x fem!reader

genre; angst, childhood best friends/brothers bsf, kinda fluffy, unrequited love, friends to lovers

warnings; swearing, drinking, mingyus mean but hes just drunk, y/ns scared of commitment (arent we all), mention of bruises/scraping against concrete, and blood (blood parts pretty brief)

wordcount; 3.0k

synopsis; confiding in her longtime best friend after the end of a rocky relationship, choi y/n begins to heal once more and realizes what’s been waiting in front of her after all this time.

note - i love samex3 sm+i wanted an excuse to write w this song and for josh soo

read below the cut !

“you can’t just leave me here!” y/n exclaims to her boyfriend of four years, stumbling out the back door of a club to follow the man before her.

the loud music echoed throughout the alleyway, ringing through y/n’s slightly pounding head though she wasnt nearly as drunk as mingyu.

“actually i can, the car is registered under my name anyway.” he scoffed as he wrapped his arm tighter around his one night stand’s waist.

“and how are you supposed to drive? you’re absolutely wasted.”

“i’m not wasted, in that sense. but i realize how much time i’ve wasted on you.”

y/n grabbed her boyfriends arm, clinging onto him with watery eyes and a shakey grip. she ignored the way the desperate girl next to him gave her a dirty look, rolling her eyes.

“you don’t want to do this mingyu.”

“no,” he lowly chuckles. “you don’t want to do this, y/n.”

he shakes his arm harshly as y/n’s hold on him began to slip, before the girl tugged on her forearm, shoving her backwards into a puddle of god knows what.

y/n ignored the bruises beginning to form on her knees as she scraped against the rough concrete, struggling to get up with weak knees.

the ‘couple’ turns around, walking away towards the other side of the street.

“are you fucking serious? you’re gonna throw away a 4 year relationship for some girl you met at the club?!”

“you’re spewing nonsense, you’re drunk, you should just go home sweetheart.” the girl yelled back in faux pity, pulling mingyu into a kiss while she knew y/n was watching.

it was heartwrenching sight. y/n felt her heart ache, her stomach drop, eyes heavy, head hazy.

“mingyu! stop! please.” she called after to no avail.

with her already shaky knees, she tried to run after them only to trip and scrape herself more harshly then the first time.

she winced as she saw the blood begin to draw, the dirt falling into the open wound.

it was a rather big gash for a small fall, before she realized it was a broken glass bottle she had tripped over.

it was raining now, pouring rather heavily.

y/n sat flat on her butt in the middle of a sketchy alleyway. she began to cry, not just from the ache of the glass digging deep into her flesh, but from the ache in her heart mingyu had left her with.

she sobbed loudly, clutching her chest. she began to curl up into a ball and hugged her knees tightly.

with every drop of the heavy rainfall, her sobs only grew more painful she could feel herself running out of breath.

y/n was pretty fucked. stuck in the middle of who knows where, in a pretty bad area not to mention she was caught midstorm, left with no money (as mingyu used the rest of her money on drinks while she got up to the bathroom), no umbrella, phone in low battery before she realized-

wait.

with her vision blurred, she dug into her purse for her quickly dying phone.

through all the old receipts and packs of gum, her white phone with its clear case still stood out the most. inside the clear case was a polaroid. of her, her brother (seungcheol), and their best friend, joshua, as kids sitting side by side in the sand.

she laughed sadly as she looked at baby her, with her arms wrapped around both josh and cheols necks, the three of them flashing bright smiles.

well shit, she finally snapped out of it and realized what she needed to do.

y/n unlocked her phone, quickly scrolling through her favorites in her contacts.

‘4%’ the upper corner of her phone flashed.

she thought of who to call yet no one seemed to be a good choice.

seungcheol? no, he’d get mad and yell a lot.

jihoon? stuck at work, as always.

wonwoo? working the late shift at the cafe.

mingyu? absolutely not.

y/n thought hard before one familiar name popped up in her mind. how could she not have thought of him?

she scrolled for his contact, finding it, then questioning how she missed it when he was third on her favorite contacts.

calling shua🫶

the loud buzzing of his phone caught both his, and his friends attention, interrupting one of their late gym sessions on a random saturday.

“who could be calling you at this hour?” chan questioned, putting down one of the two weights he was lifting.

“his beloved y/n!” soonyoung teased with a soft grin.

“its not even that late? its only like 10.” seokmin said with a hint uncertainty attached at the end before he checked the time.

joshua brushed off his friends, stopping the treadmill as he paused his music before he had checked the contact name.

‘incoming call from y/nn!<3’

“hey, how are you?” he asked with a genuine smile.

“fucking terrible.”

“are you okay, do you need help?”

“are you free right now..?”

“i mean yeah, im just at the gym with the guys. what’s up?”

“hate to be a bother but can you please come get me?” she emphasized.

“why, what’s wrong? i mean- not why like, ill pick you up either way but just kinda, you know-” “stop being like that and just go get her already!” chan yelled with his distinct laughter.

y/n sniffled, quickly wiping her eyes before chuckling in response, “hi channie!” she spoke with as natural of a voice she could put up.

“she said hi channie.” “dont be jealous!” soonyoung teased.

she smiled at how natural they were with each other, and also at how easily joshua got annoyed.

he walked out the gym of the apartment complex and stood outside the door, ignoring how he had 3 sets of eyes on him.

“okay, im alone now. what happened?”

“ill tell you what happened in person, just please hurry. im kinda injured and also soaking wet. rain really isnt friendly.”

josh walked back into the gym, quickly grabbing his sweater and keys, signaling to the guys that he’d be back later as he pointed towards the parking lot through the window.

“im leaving now. where are you?”

“i dont know, mingyu was the one driving. ill just drop my pin.”

“that bastard i swear if he hurt her..” he mumbled, thankful it wasn’t heard by y/n.

“thank you shua, i really do owe you.”

“it’s fine. that’s what friends are for right?”

“yeah. love you.”

“love you.”

he sighed as he remembered you were just two best friends, nothing more, nothing less. and yet you still had him wrapped tightly around your finger.

y/n squinted when the bright headlights flashed in her eyes as joshua pulled up in his black sedan.

he quickly ran up to y/n with his umbrella, unzipping his gray hoodie and wrapping it around her cold, bare shoulders while the spaghetti straps of the black dress slipped off.

his eyes fell as he saw how puffy hers were, her red cheeks, and bloody scraped knees.

handing the umbrella to the girl before him (and telling her to make sure she’s covered, saying to not worry about him getting wet in the process), he picks her up by the underside of her knees and arms, carrying her to the car.

joshua puts y/n down to sit on the hood as he opened the passenger seat, making sure she has enough leg room, not wanting her to scrape her knees any more then she already had.

he picks her up once more, setting her down inside before taking the umbrella and closing the door for her.

“ill take you back to cheols?” he mumbled as he backed out into the street, pressing his sneaker into the gas pedal.

“no no no no god please don’t. he will kill me and i really don’t want to have to deal with that. can i please spend the night with you?” she begged, grabbing onto his muscular, veiny, covered in rain droplets, arms.

he sighed, looking over to her with a soft gaze, meeting her hurt eyes. he changed the navigation on his phone and entered in the address of his apartment complex. “how could i ever say no to you?” he flashed a lazy smile, rubbing circles into her hand.

realizing his right hand had subconsciously made its way to her rest on her thigh, he half-mindedly pulled his hand away before he felt y/n pull him back, giving it a reassuring squeeze.

“so what happened? not to be, you know. but im really worried about you. you’re lucky cheol wasnt there when you called me you know.”

“i know and im sorry, it’s just- I didnt know who else to go to.”

he hummed as he stopped at the red light. joshua turned to face y/n again, repeating his earlier words. “well, how could i ever say no to you?” he mumbled as the green flash illuminated his face in the dark light.

“you know how gyu can be. but this time he just drank way too much i guess and lost it. it started at the high school reunion party last month. he got drunk and ended up sleeping with someones sister who’s like 4 years younger, she was like in 8th grade when we all graduated.”

“damn we’re old now- oh, sorry. i thought it was a girl he met at the club?”

“that’s what i thought. but she was here with her brother and he told me everything. they were meant to be a one night stand since he thought they’d never see each other again but we just so happened to enter the club as they were leaving. after he told me, i ran out after gyu but he abandoned me.”

she didn’t miss the way joshua’s jaw clenched.

“ill kill that son of a bitch i swear.”

“it’s okay, really-”

“no! its not fucking okay!” he shouted, apologizing before he realized how loud he was.

he parked in his parking space before turning off the engine to talk to her, face to face.

“choi y/n. you are a special girl, a once in a life time even, and you deserve to be treated as such. and if someone as stupid as kim mingyu cant see that then why don’t you go for someone who does?”

“like.. who..?”

“like, hong jisoo.”

“hong jisoo? i- ah.”

y/n gave him a pitiful look, and that’s all it took to get the message across.

“shua..”

“no. i get it, i can’t expect you to feel the same way especially since it hasn’t even been 3 hours since you broke up with mingyu. and even after that i can’t expect you reciprocate my feelings either way. but, even so, ill always be here for you. no matter how you want me, as a boyfriend or more realistically, a friend.”

“joshua. i love you, i really do. you know i do but,”

“-but as nothing more as a friend, yeah? its alright. i really didn’t want to say anything but it just slipped out. i didn’t want to stress you out because i know what you’re going through is hard. i understand. but what we feel for one another is a different type of love,” he stopped to gesture two different points moving in opposing directions with his arms.

“to different for our own good.” was all he said before getting out the car to carry y/n upstairs.

y/n winced as he put ointment into the fresh wound where the glass once was, looking away from josh as he held her leg, directing her gaze to the bloody chunk of glass that sat in the sink.

“soonyoung is staying at chan and seokmins place on the seventeenth floor, but i want you to take my room, and ill stay in soonyoungs since i have a softer and bigger mattress.” he whispered, making eye contact with her as he left an innocent kiss where the bandage covered her skin.

she whimpered as the events of today hit her with the small kiss, unsure of how to proceed.

y/n ran her fingers through her hair, still damp from the shower she had just taken.

“can you stand?” he asked offering his hands to help her down the counter, looking over the many bandaids covering all her scrapes and bruises.

she took his hand and tried walking around the kitchen. she had a bit of a limp, yet was still a bit stable.

“here, take this tylenol and you can wear the hoodie I left on the bed since I know you get cold, ill just shower first.”

she sat on the bed, hugging the shirt she currently wore which joshua had lent her, before slipping on his black zip up hoodie. it had smelled like him, and his familiar, comforting vanilla shampoo she recognized all too well.

she fell back onto the mattress and let her mind be consumed by her thoughts, falling asleep yet only for a short while after.

she later awoke at the sound of joshua digging through his drawers for a white tee, being able to catch a glimpse of his toned body before he slipped the shirt on.

he turned around to y/n, bending down to tuck her stray hairs behind her ear, pressing a kiss into her forehead. “goodnight.”

before he could fully walk away from the bed, y/n grabbed his arm. “stay.” she sleepily whined.

“you need your own space so you can heal, i dont want to accidentally hurt you or anything.”

“you could never hurt me. so just please stay.”

“y/n..”

“please? what happened to you can’t ever say no to me?”

he playfully scoffed before giving in and slipping into the sheets.

y/n dug her head into the crook of his neck, smiling at how he shivered whenever he felt her hot breath against him.

“goodnight shua.”

of course, when cheol found out he was absolutely pissed. y/n would wake up from hundred of missed calls from mingyu, begging for her to take him back after he realized what happened. cheol (and josh.. and, chan?) ended up giving mingyu a bit of, talking to. he learned his lesson didnt he?

it was now over a year, almost two, later. winter time now. joshua had taken y/n to the han river bridge at night. they walked along it together.

with mingyu out of the way, josh and y/n became inseparable (more so then they already were) and drew even closer to one another if that even was possible.

with time, y/n began to realize what it is she wanted. joshua hong. after all, they had always shared the same mind, same dream, all within the same night - ever since they were kids.

“can i tell you something?” she asked, looking down at the river below.

“go ahead.”

“i think, that i like you. and im not sure when or how but you were just always.. there. i don’t know why it took me so long to realize what was there waiting for me, right in front of me.”

silence.

“that’s too bad. because i don’t think i like you, i know i love you.”

“ew you’re so cringey!” she exclaimed, jokingly pushing his face away from hers.

just as joshua reached for y/ns hand, she pulled away. “but before you say anything else, i need to tell you something. i don’t think i want a relationship- or, no i do! just, im scared. i feel like i need a short while longer but i really do wanna be with you,” she paused, thinking of her next words.

“its not that i don’t trust you. im just scared of whatever that was happening again, or if mingyu comes back or something. just, give me a month?”

he smiled, and pulled her into a hug, letting y/n’s head rest on his chest.

“ive waited this long to be with you. what’s another few months?”

y/n felt her heart melt at such a simple yet meaningful statement. she wrapped her arms around his neck, and leaned up to kiss his cheek.

“ive dreamed of being with you since we were kids. you dont know how much it hurt me when you started dating mingyu. and i knew your brother wouldnt dare to let his one and only little sister date his best friend.”

“well. none of that matters now, because it’s in the past. you have me now dont you? and don’t worry about cheol, he’d just want us to be happy. and if he doesnt then that’s just him being a big baby.”

joshua laughed in response, smiling as he held y/n tightly in his arms while they watched the city below, over the river.

she knew she was right giving a guy like joshua a chance.

i will never change.

promise me eternity,

if you feel the same way as i do

they had both dreamed the same dream for years, and now here they’d be, spending the same night together forever.

he knew in that moment she had been worth the wait.

joshua hong’s (almost) finally got to call the girl of his dreams, his, and he couldn’t be happier.

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actuallysaiyan · 3 months ago

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Hi bacon hi, i'm here to make a formal request for the monster event 🙇🏻‍♀️ jiraiya x mermaid!reader, "my voice enchanted you. You came to me. Now you must pay the price." Thank youuu💗

warnings: smut, handjobs, mentions of enchanting/slight dub con, heartbreak, slight angst, happy ending pairings: Jiraiya x Fem!Mermaid!Reader

He watches the water wistfully. Once when he was a younger man, he swore he had seen such a beautiful siren in these very waters. He could imagine it in his mind’s eye so perfectly. She had healed his broken heart that day. She had been so kind. But when the day ended and the sun set, she left without giving her name.

Ever since that day, Jiraiya makes it a point to go to the shore and check out the water to see if you’ll ever come back. It’s been years, but he knows he’d be so happy to see you. You had made such an impact on him on that day. He had been rejected for the umpteenth time, but when he saw your smiling face and heard that beautiful voice, Jiraiya knew he could be happy once more.

Still, his heart had a hole in it. One that was exactly your shape. You couldn’t stand the thought of enchanting him forever, so you never came back to see him. Even though you had strong feelings for the man, you knew it was better to just boost his ego and self-esteem and for him to find someone normal to love.

But the man was stubborn. You saw him from time to time. You just never let him see you at all. You kept tabs on him, making sure he would go on to live a very happy life. He had charmed you so much that day, you knew it would be completely sad and devastating if you were to fully put him under your spell. That was the unfortunate part of your species. You’d never really know what true love was like.

Then came the day that you were out in the ocean, sitting on a rock and singing to your heart’s content. It was a sorrowful song full of heartache and unrequited love. You wondered if anyone would fall for such a sad song. You were thinking about him again. The way he made you feel, the way he smiled at you…

You barely notice the small boat that’s coming your way. The storm clouds begin to get darker than before. And to your horror, on that small boat, is the man you are singing about. He’s got a deep look of lust in his eyes. A deep gasp escapes you when you realize what you’ve done to him.

Before he can drown, you pull him onto the rock with you. You know you’ll have to deal with this issue before it turns into something worse than it is.

Jiraiya awakens in a cool chamber. The bed feels fluffy. The pillows are soft. He lifts himself up, sitting in the bed. Then you appear before him. His eyes widen before they darken once more. You have this gorgeous figure, he can’t stop looking at you. The way your hair shimmers in the light that dances in this cavern. Or the silvery scales and gills that adorn your face and body. The man is quite smitten, to say the least.

You approach him, figuring you can finally make your move now. You straddle his lap, kissing him so deeply. Jiraiya moans, tasting you for the first time. You really soothed his heartbreak. And now you were here, years later, enchanting him completely. He had so many questions, and yet they all died on his tongue the minute you began to undress him.

With his cock in your hand, you stroke him slowly. You look at him carefully, noticing the way he’s reacting. He was acting like he was completely in love with you, which shouldn’t be. He should be looking like you had enslaved him.

“W-why are you doing this? What have I done to deserve such love from you?” He asks, his cheeks red and lips parted.

You look down and spit on the head of his cock, lubricating it more as you pick up the pace of your stroking. Then you look back into his eyes, a sly smirk on your face.

“My voice enchanted you. You came to me…” you want to say the last bit, but you struggle.

Jiraiya moans. “I want to be forever yours.”

Another searing kiss unifies you both. Jiraiya knows he wants to be completely in love with you, and you know that you can fall for him too. Now that you know he fell for you despite your enchantment. “Now you will pay the price…the price of becoming my lover.”

dividers: @adornedwithlight

reblogs and comments always appreciated!

#bacon.writes #freaky stories #jiraiya #jiraiya x reader #jiraiya x you #jiraiya smut #naruto #Naruto x reader

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arting-block · 1 year ago

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I absolutely love your writing style & your 11th doctor fics 😊 I’m not sure what your opinions on writing poly ships are, but I’m a sucker for some fem reader x 11 and River, and was wondering if i could request something fluffy and sweet with reader thinking her feelings towards the both of them are unrequited due to River and the Doctor being together already, but of course relationships with the Doctors can always be so complicated so who says he has to love just one woman at a time, he’s got two hands for a reason 🙏❤️

𝐭𝐰𝐨 𝐡𝐞𝐚𝐫𝐭𝐬, 𝐭𝐰𝐢𝐜𝐞 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐥𝐨𝐯𝐞 | Eleventh Doctor x F!Reader x River Song

❝𝘫𝘶𝘴𝘵 𝘢 𝘧𝘳𝘪𝘦𝘯𝘥. 𝘰𝘯𝘭𝘺 𝘢 𝘧𝘳𝘪𝘦𝘯𝘥.❞

Summary: You were just a companion, a friend to the two Time Lords. At least, you thought you were.

Warnings: Angst, unrequited love (not really lol), fluffy ending

Words: 6.1K

A/N: I'M ALIVE!!! This request sat in my inbox and I struggled a bit to not turn this into a fully fleshed out story. I swear this was meant to be a smol lil blurb, your honor. I sneezed and then 5k spat onto my screen idk it just happened I swear...Anyways, gonna try to get to my other requests soon 🫡

Ordinary is not in your vocabulary. Nothing in your life ever seemed ordinary the moment the Doctor offered an adventure in his bigger-on-the-inside box and a devilish smile. No one normal would have given their safety in exchange for life-threatening altercations with aliens, monsters, and the worst of the universe. You hated the ordinary, despised the monotony of everyday life.

You took the Doctor’s offer with a smile of your own, delight and mischief to complement.

Everything was going well as far as you were concerned. Lives were saved, memories were made, and all the time in the world to do whatever. You were happy, plain and simple.

You embraced the unknown, thanks to the Doctor’s influence. Comfortable with the odd and unthinkable.

At least you thought you were.

With each adventure comes injuries. Most are minimal that heal in a matter of days. Others leave scars that are forever etched in your skin. Being the self-sacrificing stubborn human you were, you often became a shield to those in need. In this particular case you had gotten slashed by a knife in a tussle.

It wasn’t deep enough to be fatal, but it stretched from your collarbone to the side of your neck. Thin line of crimson and a sharp sting when air hit it. Annoying, yes, but nothing you couldn’t handle.

Your traveling companion had a different view.

You groan, “I’m fine, seriously. There’s no need to fuss over a scratch.”

River, beautiful as she is stubborn, gives you a pointed look. One that borders a withering stare but since you’re you it comes off as scolding.

“You nearly had your head off your shoulders. You’re lucky I was there to intervene,” came her grumbling response.

Her fingers find your chin to tilt your head up, her face out of your line of sight as you stare up at the ceiling. You take the opportunity to roll your eyes at her need to coddle you. You’re a grown woman for Christ’s sake, perfectly capable of handling yourself. If anything you’ve encountered worse and had bounced back fine.

Sure, the knife of your attacker came a tad too close to the artery on your neck. Hell, maybe if your reflexes didn’t kick in fast enough you would’ve had a much different night to spend.

But those hypothetical scenarios were merely that. Hypothetical. You’ve walked away that fight with bruised knuckles and a shallow, 4 inch cut.

You were fine. Perfectly capable of handling yourself—

River’s finger finds the hollow of your throat.

Feather-light, just barely touching the skin. You feel her touch up along your neck sending a chill down your spine. Your breath hitched when it stopped just above your pulse point. Something tugs the strings in your chest.

A dangerous feeling coils down in your core.

River’s breath tickles your ear, “Breathe, darling. Can’t have you passing out on me.”

As if on command, your body responds eagerly. You force air to leave your lungs all at once. There’s a slight burn left behind and you're sure it’s not due to your withholding oxygen.

You clear your throat, “Are you going to patch me up Doctor Song?”

It comes off shaky and quiet.

River’s hand leaves your face and you can finally see her. A curve of a smile and a glint in her eyes that leaves goosebumps.

Your legs involuntarily shift close.

River gives a shrug, “You’re right, just a scratch. No need for fussing. Unless you want me to patch you up?”

You shake your head, “N-No, there’s no need. Thank you for offering though.”

There’s a painful squeeze in your chest. Regret.

River nods understandably, “I’ll be out of your hair then. Give a shout if you need me.”

You watch as she turns to leave. You can’t help but trace the curve of her hips as she approaches the door. Words clump in your throat, an impulse of a thought racing. Before you can act she crosses the threshold, the door closing behind her.

Somehow it stung more than the 4 inch cut on your throat.

Just a friend. Only a friend.

— — —

You tried to put the encounter with River as far removed from your mind as you can. It was just the heat of the moment, a little rise because it’s been ages since you’ve had a romantic relationship. Not that you needed one. You’re perfectly content with spending your time with the Doctor. Who needs romance when you’re traveling the universe with a quirky alien?…A hot alien.

A hot alien who is your friend. Nothing more.

“Is there something on my face?” the Doctor asked, swiping his chin for invisible crumbs.

His words snapped you out of your haze. Back to the present.

“Wha—No! Sorry, lost in my own head. What were you saying?”

The Doctor presses a few buttons to prepare the TARDIS for travel, glossing over your admitting to not listening, “I was in the middle of explaining why going to Kaythrona would be a bad idea in comparison to Bouble-4A. Perfect this time of year—trees made of crystals and the water is perfect temperature year round. Perfect water, perfect temperature, perfect getaway!”

His smile is that of pure joy. Infectious to anyone, especially you.

“Yeah, perfect! You have any plans when we arrive?” you asked, leaning against the console.

You were an arm’s length away. At this distance you could smell the remnants of his earl gray tea from this morning clinging to his clothes. Wild hair that is tamed on the sides, the cut of his cheekbone, and the hint of stubble along his jaw.

The Doctor whizzes about the controls with flair. Pushing, pressing, and pulling controls that look indistinguishable from one another.

“Many, many plans. Oh, (Y/N) you’re gonna love the little markets along the coast. We could go to the seafood restaurant—no, the pearl mines! So much to do and lots to show you.”

The Doctor makes his way around back to you, bumping shoulders as he did so. He turns to you, excited to expose you to yet another world.

You give him a small smile in return. Hoping your demure expression would hide the fluttering of your heart.

Pulling the engine lever down, you feel the familiar rumbling of the TARDIS. The two of you grab onto the railing in hopes to not fall over. The Doctor reaches for the edge of the console, bracing himself.

You, caught up in your fawning, didn’t properly latch onto the railing and nearly toppled over. A hand yanks your arm and you collide with a wall of wool and earl gray.

“Don’t worry I got you,” the Doctor assured, his mouth nearly kissing against your ear.

His hand migrates from your arm to your waist, pulling you to his side. Tight and secure. The shaking continues, but you’re much too focused on how warm the Doctor seems to be. His hand firm on your side, as if it was meant to be there. Your cheek against the scratchy wool of his coat just inches away from his hearts.

Just a friend. Only a friend.

You grasp onto his jacket even though there’s a perfectly stable railing right in front of you.

— — —

Ordinary didn’t apply to your life, so it would only make sense it didn’t touch your love life either.

River once again joined you and the Doctor for another adventure. Surprisingly, one that didn’t involve intergalactic battles and executing a poorly planned heist. No, she just so happened to be in New York in 2023 at the exact same pizza parlor the Doctor is dragging you to.

In the past few months you’ve come to realize that the odd feelings in your stomach and the nervous butterflies wasn’t just spur-of-the-moment anxiety. It only manifests when you are within proximity to either the Doctor or River. Anytime they slipped past your personal bubble, you felt the simmering heat in your stomach and a dizziness whenever they got too close. You didn’t realize how the three of you would be joined at the hip until you realized something.

You love the Doctor…and River.

It came crawling into your mind until it was all you could think about. Moments across the years playing over and over. You loved them both for so long but you played it off as platonic. It should’ve been obvious with how you hoard their attention and do everything in your power to be near them. Their laughs, praise, and happy moments shared between you set your heart ablaze.

Only problem is that they’re already married. They weren’t secretive either. Always flirting in the face of danger. Lingering eyes and a heated kiss when things got rough. They never hid their affection towards one another.

You were never jealous of them. The ache in your chest came from the fact that they would never share that with you. You were you and they were the Doctor and River Song. They had a history long before you and they seemed more than content with each other.

River sat in a booth in the far corner of the restaurant. The afternoon sun highlighted her golden hair like a halo. She was writing in that old diary of hers that resembles your beloved time-machine.

The Doctor walked in fast, measured steps while you tried to keep up. His hand on your back, guiding you through the people crowding around the cashier. The closer you stepped the more anxiety pools.

River looks up from her diary with a wide grin. The one where it crinkles her eyes and makes you lose breath.

“Hello sweetie,” she says, her words honeyed with affection.

“Hello love,” the Doctor returns with a giddy smile.

River’s gaze met yours. Her expression didn’t change, as if she was just as happy to see you.

“We meet again, darling.”

Darling became her nickname for you as much as sweetie was for the Doctor.

She’s just flirting, nothing special.

Your nails dig into your palms, “So it seems, Riv.”

The Doctor ushers you into the booth so you sit shoulder to shoulder. He rubs his hands together as he snatched a menu from the pile in the middle of the table.

“Alright, what do we have here? Some good ol’ pepperoni, some cheese, and lovely sauce. I’m absolutely famished. Haven’t stopped to think, let alone eat something other than the ramen packets Y/N hoards,” the Doctor says.

You snatched the menu from the Doctor, “So you were eating them! You said they could clog your arteries.”

The Doctor snatches the menu right back, “I said they could clog your arteries, not mine.”

“You made me believe I was going mad! Why couldn't you get your own?”

“‘Cause your room is closer…and less expensive.”

The two of you continue to bicker whilst the menu keeps being tugged mercilessly. Ramen packets changed to snoring habits (you were horrified that the Doctor snuck into your room when you were still in it) and the argument shifted to accusations. Most of which was you calling the Doctor a robber. The Doctor deflects and somehow blames you for being easy to rob.

River watched the exchange with a tiniest of smiles. The Doctor with a hint of red at his ears, leaning forward. You with pinched brows and sharp words that you don't actually mean. So close the two of you were that your knees were touching and the air between was your mingled breaths.

“Ahem,” River coughed rather obnoxiously.

At the sound of her, the two of you ceased arguing.

“Any louder and you’ll alert the whole parlor,” she scolds.

Luckily the busy little parlor was already loud with its many customers. Loud enough to drown the squabbling in your booth. Though the realization of how you might've looked made you and the Doctor slouch into your seats.

River narrows her eyes, “If you're done arguing like petty school girls we could hurry up and order because I’m not sharing my food. Unless you wish to continue spilling each other's secrets for all of New York to hear.”

“Nope, we're done,” you say. You shoot her a grin in hopes to hide the fact that, yes, you will continue later.

River’s eyes shift to her husband, who avoids her stare.

“Yes, done-zo. No more arguing,” the Doctor affirms. He leaves out the “For now” at the end.

River knows the little omissions. She doesn't voice it, instead rolling her eyes.

— — —

Lunch went by smoothly, all things considered. Food was served, pizza was eaten, and stories passed the time. The Doctor retold your fantastical adventures with some minor exaggeration (leaving out the mishaps as well). River bragged about her many archeological discoveries and Indiana Jones-esque quests to find legendary artifacts.

As they retold, shared, and laughed at each other's fortune, you sat in your seat with sealed lips. As the time passed, the two of them leaned forward with biting grins. It was as if magnets in their chests pulled them nearer.

You stayed put because in place of a magnet was a lump of sorrow that was weighing you down. You watched their banter go on and on, leaving you out. Their words turned personal, intimate with inside jokes. It was clear that although River and the Doctor weren't exclusive by any means, their love runs deeper than most.

Their love for each other ran deeper, felt stronger only for them.

Not for you.

It hurts to watch them. It hurts to love them knowing they will never feel the same. You’re just a temporary blip in their long lives. They already have one another. Perfectly content with having you just as a companion. Because that’s all you are to them. In this moment, trapped in your bubble, you can see just how in love they are. In the middle of the table their hands are inches away from each other. The tips of their hands moving at a snail's pace towards the other, until they fold in where they meet. They don’t seem to notice the collision of hands, still conversing with one another nonchalantly.

It’s an innocent gesture. Sweet and pure with its intentions. Perfectly their hands fit, you don’t think they could form against yours. They were perfect for one another. Witty mouths, playful eyes, and brilliant minds.

Husband and wife. Vowed for one another.

Your eyes don’t leave their hands, transfixed by your own spell of deep longing.

The Doctor laughs at something River says. It’s a soft chuckle that pulls his lips and shakes his head. River stares unabashed with eyes so full of love that it tugs the strings in your chest.

It makes you sick.

“I need to use the bathroom,” you blurt out. You felt too close, too warm in the booth. You need to get away from them both.

The Doctor and River glance at one another. A pointed look that could hold entire conversations. Moments ticked by before the Doctor scoots out of his seat to let you pass. You all but sprinted out of the booth and made a bee-line to the bathroom.

It was a small, dank space with dark brown walls and one lighting fixture in the middle of the ceiling. The harsh lighting and tight space was far from cozy and inviting, but you are glad to have made it out. Your breathing became more shallow, tears started to burn into your eyes. You stare into the warped reflection in the mirror.

Tiredness smudges around your eyes. Your lower lip is cracked from the constant tugging and swiping of your tongue. Edges of your shirt wrinkled from how tightly you were holding onto it.

You don’t know how long you stared at yourself. Lines around your face blur as the tears start to flow. Down your face, into the valleys of cheeks, and into the porcelain sink. Another falls, then another, until you can’t help but sob into your hand.

— — —

Minutes tick by. The pizza being shared was now specks of crumbs.

Your companions sit idly, waiting for your return.

“Is it just me, or is (Y/N) a bit quiet today?” the Doctor mused, looking behind him to see the closed door of the bathroom. The red sticker on the lock gnaws at his mind.

River rubs her thumb over the Doctor’s hand, “Why don’t you ask her? She’s your companion.”

The Doctor turns back to her, “Why don’t you ask her? Everytime I see you two, you can’t keep your hands off one another.”

His words don’t have any malice. If anything, it was more of a jab at how horribly River hides her affinity towards you. Always doting on you with small trinkets and tight hugs. The soft drawl of her “darling” seemed much too intimate, too loving to be platonic.

River’s smile is sharp, her words quick, “Says the man who whimpers whenever she wears a tight dress.”

As quick as her words came, the image of you a week ago floods his mind.

Silk gloves, the shine of your skin, the color of your lipstick. It was a gala out in a different galaxy and the Doctor found it hard to resist your puppy eyes.

You begged him to dress up, to match with your dress. He mutters, whines, and begrudgingly says yes. Not because he didn’t want to go, but because he knew of the outcome of seeing your dress.

A deep blue, nearly black, with delicate lacing and gemstones. Simple, lavish, and complimented your body beautifully. The neckline perfectly snug against your chest, bodice hugging your waist, and when you turned around—

The whole of the Doctor’s face flushes a bright pink. He sputters, tone harsh, “I do not. It’s called being flustered. I’ll have you know that I—stop laughing.”

The Doctor’s plea falls on deaf ears as River let out a choked giggle. Her hand covers her mouth, but the edges of her smile still peek through. Seeing the Doctor flustered over a girl never fails to make her laugh.

“I was…only teasing!” she let out between giggles. The expression the Doctor made, all grumpy like a cat, made her sides hurt.

The laughter dies down. River dabs her eyes and massages her tired cheeks. The Doctor’s hearts swells at her joy, even if it was at his own expense.

The Doctor looks over his shoulder once more. Your door is still locked with no one in line. An uneasy feeling lodges in his chest. Your usual bright, happy attitude was strangely absent. A few times you chimed in, relaying your own version of a story the Doctor purposefully miscounted.

You weren’t sad, at least the Doctor didn’t seem to think so. Empty was a more appropriate word. Stuck in your own head thinking God knows what.

“Did you hold up your end?”

River’s questions shocked the Doctor out of his own thoughts.

The Doctor narrows his eyes, “I don’t recall making a bargain with you. I thought we agreed that if we were drunk that it doesn’t count.”

River rolls her eyes, “I’m talking about (Y/N). I told you to talk to her about…” she gestures to the space between them.

The Doctor mimics her movements, confusion still present in his face, “What’s this? What did I agree to?”

“Us! You agreed to talk to (Y/N) about us. You told me that you would drop hints about it,” River scans the Doctor’s face for any recognition. She sees the realization dawn on him, and the guilt settling in. River can’t help but curl her lips into a snarl, “You didn’t do it, did you?”

“How am I supposed to?” he threw his hands up in exasperation, “It’s bad enough as it is that I get all light-headed and fuzzy when she’s near me. You hear me? Light-headed and fuzzy. I didn’t think that was possible—no I was certain it wasn’t possible. At least with you, you made all the moves from the get-go. What if she doesn’t like me back?’

River shoved her leg under the table, earning a strained “ow” from the Doctor, “You stupid oaf! Of course she likes you! Smartest man in the universe, yet you couldn’t use your big brain of yours to notice her signals? A cyberman could figure it out for goodness sake.”

The Doctor slumped back into his chair, dumbfounded. He would be lying if he said he didn't notice how close you were with him. But you're close with everyone. Always friendly, open with your emotions.

River was the one to bring up a potential relationship. Nudging the Doctor towards you, trying to get him to open up. Every time he mentions anything romantic, it never seems to come out right. Words jumble in his head and his tongue knots in his mouth. On the off chance he does something “romantic”, you would always—unwaveringly—call him a friend. He has to pretend that the word doesn’t make his teeth grind against each other.

The Doctor swirls the colored straw in his glass of soda. The ice clinking against glass and the residual carbonation sizzling out.

Ice. Cracking. Sizzling out into the inky depths of the cola, almost black in the dim lighting.

Something in his brain clicks.

— — —

10 minutes passed before someone banged on the bathroom door.

“Can you hurry up man! You’re holdin’ up the line!” an angry, muffled voice yelled.

You furiously wiped your face, collecting all the remaining tears with paper towels. A couple splashes of water to soothe your puffy eyes before you unlock the bathroom. You were greeted with a cross, stout man with too much hair on his chest and not enough on his head. He grumbled something before making his way around you. No one else stood behind him.

The restaurant died down with only a few tables left occupied and the setting sun spilling through the windows. You drag yourself towards the booth the Doctor and River were situated in. Your steps get slower as the distance gets shorter. Dread builds into you; your mind conjures the image of their exclusion towards you.

Voices, familiar and warm, could be heard. They were more hushed than before, perhaps due to the lack of other customers to drown out their noise. As you round a corner, you see River and the Doctor hunched towards one another. You can only see River’s stern expression before her eyes immediately spot you. Relief sags her shoulders. At her expression, the Doctor whizzed around to greet you.

You stopped in front of them, seeing their ruffled clothes and fidgeting body language. You were gone for a few minutes, so why did they look…disheveled? River’s usual glossy curls were frizzy around the edges; wild strands sticking to and fro. The Doctor’s shirt looked wrinkled and bowtie skewed at an odd angle.

Did they…? No, you weren’t gone for that long.

“Sorry I took so long. Long line and no toilet paper,” you lie with a monotone voice. You didn’t put any energy into making it believable, hoping they would get the hint to not question you.

The Doctor sprang up from his seat with an expression that seemed much too happy to be innocent.

“Change of plans. River had just informed me that at this very moment, there is a comet passing by in—” he checks his watch, “ —Yosemite, California. Super beautiful, gorgeous color. Isn’t that right Riv?”

River nods, fast and eager, “Sure is, sweetie. I’ve had enough of the city, wouldn’t you say?”

Their odd behavior rang alarm bells in your mind. A prank? You doubt River would be the type to follow along with a malicious prank. The Doctor, however…

You let out an exhausted sigh, “Could this wait later? Tomorrow?”

“Nope! Can’t wait, lots to see!” came the Doctor’s reply.

The Doctor placed his hands on your shoulders to steer you to the front door. Your feet nearly tangle together, practically stumbling down the empty street with River not too far behind. You find your footing just fast enough so that you can speed walk without the Doctor trying to knock you over.

“Guys, slow down. Doctor, I can walk just fine y’know,” your shoe gets caught onto a piece of sidewalk, making you jump slightly. It doesn’t deter the Doctor, still hellbent on shoving you down the street. You turn to your side, eyeing River, “Could you please explain to me what’s going on? Why are you guys acting weird?”

River’s cherry red lips stretched to a smile (Did she just apply it?), “Spoilers.”

Your friends’ odd behaviors made you question if you’re being kidnapped by shapeshifters. Not an impossible scenario, but would explain why they’re suddenly so hyper. The Doctor made a sharp turn into an alley. You see the TARDIS with its vibrant blue against the red brick of the buildings beside it.

Something’s wrong.

“The TARDIS was parked a few streets down. Why is it here?” you questioned, distrust lacing your voice.

The Doctor sent a worried look towards River, who looked caught off-guard.

“We…thought it was best to move it closer so you didn’t have to walk far,” River explains. It comes out quickly. Too rushed and uneasy to make it truthful.

The Doctor gave a smile, too wide for your liking.

You cross your arms over your chest, “If you don’t spit it out already I’m not getting into the TARDIS. I’m honestly a bit freaked out right now.”

“We, uh…” the Doctor moves his hand, trying to come up with something, “We can’t tell you.”

You scoff, looking at River to see if she will spill.

River shrugs, “You’ll have to come inside the TARDIS to see.”

You wrestle with the idea of accusing them of being aliens with perception filters. It could explain their odd appearance and eagerness to get you to the TARDIS. Were the real Doctor and River Song trapped somewhere. Is this a trick of the mind?

The Doctor hand tugs yours. Secure and warm. His expression calms, “It’s a surprise,” he indulges.

River unlocks the TARDIS, holding the door open, “A big one.”

The Doctor and River take your hands, interlocking them. The action sends your mind blank. Soft, warm. They hold tightly, flushed against your clammy palms. Your heart stutters, finally registering what’s happening. You’ve held their hands many, many times. It wasn’t unusual to see you link hands with either of them.

This. It feels different.

They all but pulled you inside, the destination already on display and the engine ready to go.

— — —

Cool air kissed your face, greatly contrasting the warm New York temperature. Grass met your feet instead of concrete. Stillness you’d always associate with nature instead of the bustle of busy streets.

“Is the blindfold really necessary?”

You fight the instinct to rip the cloth off your face, but your hands are preoccupied with being held by your companions. River to your left, the Doctor on your right. Their other hands find the small of your back, guiding you forward.

“Almost there, darling,” River assures.

You bite back a groan. One foot in front of the other as best as you could. Each one was wobbly; unsure of debris blocking your path. The hands along your back tighten, trying to steer your uncoordinated body towards the destination.

You smell the familiar scent of firewood in the air before you hear the crackling.

The walking stops and hands leave your body. You hear the rustling of fabric and stray giggles of the Doctor. River hushes him.

Your fingers twitch at your side. The cotton of the Doctor’s bow tie is soft yet strangely secure on your head. You're trying to piece together what they’re trying to show you. Nothing seems to add up. Is it a holiday? A prank? Was it a birthday?

You hear footsteps and feel two hands on your shoulders.

“Keep your eyes close, yeah?” the Doctor whispers, tugging his bow tie off your eyes.

You sigh, “Doctor, what are you trying to do?”

The Doctor doesn’t respond. You don’t know his facial expression or any sort of clue towards his motivations. But you feel the gentle hold of his hand. Warm palms picking up your fingers, thumb tracing the peaks of your knuckles and the valleys of your skin.

Almost like…

“Ready,” River announced, a bit distant from where you are standing.

The Doctor leans close, his hair tickling your temple, “Open your eyes.”

It took you a few blinks to adjust your eyes. The inky darkness of night contrasts the warm, inviting fire light.

River stands next to a picnic blanket with the most lush pillows you’ve ever seen. Movie snacks are piled in the corner and in the middle a neatly wrapped box with an obnoxious bow. In front of the picnic blanket was a small, orange fire surrounded by a ring of rocks. The flames crackle loudly, providing warmth against the lowering temperature.

“What…How? Why?” Was all you could muster. You take a few steps closer, unsure of how to process this.

You focus on the box. Dark wrapping paper with shining gold stars to accent. The flickering fire made the glitter on the stars twinkle. The bow nearly swallowed the top of the box with ribbons cascading down. Your eyes flicker to the pile of snacks. Your favorite snacks. Even some ramen packets.

The Doctor spoke up, “Hope you’re not too full from the pizza. Though, come to think of it, we may have left the drinks back in the TARDIS. River suggested wine but I’m already buzzed from my own endorphins.” His words were a bit fast, almost nervous.

“But why? Is there something special about today?” you ask.

River smiled, “November, 1826.”

There’s something familiar about the date. It tickled your memory, but nothing clear.

“Our first adventure together. The three of us,” The Doctor clarified.

It felt as though the Doctor’s words swept all air from your lungs. Of course, how could you forget?

You are certain it was years ago. Keeping track of time on the TARDIS is finicky at best, but you felt the time pass as evident by the scars on your skin and fine lines dotting your face. You were still wide-eyed and naive, not yet comprehending the dangers of the universe. The Doctor was still odd and new to be around; still getting used to your presence at his side.

There was a galactic cruise ship, nearly swallowing Pluto in size. Parts of the memory are hazy in your mind. You forget if it’s you that urged the Doctor to go or the Doctor dragging you out. Whatever the case was, you found yourself onboard and immediately lost, tipsy from the wine given.

River found you then. It wasn’t ‘til later that you realized that River was actually seeking you out. In your eyes, it was the first time seeing her. To her, she had already had a tone of familiarity when your name rolled off her tongue.

Turns out River had organized a heist to return stolen goods that were aboard the cruise ship. Fighting and mishaps ensued until the Doctor managed to hoard the goods aboard the TARDIS and return them to their rightful spots.

At the end of it all, the three of you had just so happened to be above the Earth at the same time as Biela’s comet.

You remember your legs dangling off the edge of the TARDIS, dark splotches along your legs where bruises formed. The Doctor and River lean against the doorframe, silent in their awe. The first of many mishaps and adventures the three of you would create.

They took you to the exact day—the exact time—

“Why?” you whispered. Everything came rushing all at once. Stolen glances, longing stares, the uncomfortable beat of your heart. Memories of the three of you or just intimate moments with either of them. You swallow the lump in your throat, “I just…don’t understand.”

The Doctor took your hands once again. You couldn’t bring yourself to meet his gaze.

“We love you (Y/N). For a while now, actually.”

His delicate words hit you like a gust of wind. Your head snapped up, eyes wide and fearful. The Doctor’s usual happy facade is gone, any humor wiped from the planes of his face entirely. His hands grip onto yours a bit harder, enough to ground you.

After a few moments, your brain finally stills. Anxiety still grips your muscles and tightens your chest, but you manage to sputter your thoughts out coherently.

“I love you guys too,” you grin against the onset of tears starting to fall. You didn’t move your hands from the Doctor’s, so you simply let them cascade down your face. You shakily inhaled, continuing, “For so long I thought you guys wouldn’t feel the same. Even now…”

Two hands appear at your cheeks, thumbs swiping away the salty tears. The Doctor smiles and you don’t mistake the glisten in his eyes as well.

You turn towards River who stands near the blankets with the present pressed tightly against herself. The fire gives her golden hair a bright orange hue, surrounding her with a divine glow. The way she looks at you made your skin flushed; so full of adoration, as if you were the most breath-taking sight.

Stepping towards the blond with the Doctor, you try to meet her gaze head-on. You stopped once you got close enough to see the dilation of her eyes. For a second a flicker of something else flashed in her green eyes.

“Breathe, darling,” she teased. At her command, you let out the breath you were holding. She hands you the box, never breaking eye-contact, “Consider it an anniversary gift.”

The choice of words makes your eyes widen. The box seemed a bit hefty in your hands. You gave it an experimental shake, feeling something large and solid moving. You gripped the end of the ribbon and gave it a tug. Silky ribbon buckled, folding into itself until it completely unraveled and slipped from the box. Pulling open the top you saw a large blue book nestled inside.

TARDIS blue, you noted.

River takes the empty box while the Doctor ushered you onto the picnic blanket. There were no words embellished that gave any indication as to what the book was about. Flipping the cover open, you were met with a mostly blank page, save for the text stamped in the middle:

“For the love of our many lives. A companion, friend, and most importantly, the reason the Universe doesn’t seem so cold.”

Tears nearly blurred your vision, but you managed to wipe them away to flip to the next page.

A collage of photos filled the pages. Some were candid, others in black in white, most of them had you in them. There were pictures you had captured on an old film camera you snagged when you were stuck in the 70s. You were quite surprised to see snapshots of you doing mundane activities. Your head was turned away from the lens, completely focused on some task in front of you. There were a few pictures with you and River and some with all three of you.

Years of memories stored in the pages of the book. Some far back to the earliest days of your travels.

The rest of the night blurred into happy tears and hearty laughs. You snuggled between the two Time Lords flipping through the photo album filled with your fondest memories.

The insecurities felt in the cramped bathroom in the middle of New York seemed so far away. Years of anxiety curdling in your stomach finally bloomed into something sweet. They loved you. They wanted you. They planned everything out for you. You felt it in their gaze, their warm touches.

“Tonight,” the Doctor whispered, “It’s all about you.”

As Biela made her visit, shining brightly amongst the twinkling stars, you realized that somewhere out in the sky, your past selves were observing the same scene.

Staring out into the vast expanse of space, you hoped the love that swelled your heart could be felt millions of miles away. That your shared laughter transcended the atmosphere and carried to the passengers of the TARDIS floating above Earth.

You hoped that somewhere out there, your future selves are looking over, sharing this experience across time and space.

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