#He killed people? grow up. He is a troll. He was manipulative and a dick? gurl he could spit in my mouth.

[joethehoeee]

Fanart for Tactical!Strickler, from:

Challenging destiny

Chapter 24: Tackling Area 49-B

@pinkytoothlesso11

Human version:

I loved the thought of it and it actually turned out pretty well. It is pretty green, even tho you told me that there would be more black in your version. I hope it's still okay.

And I have a cape version, don't worry.

The green also didn't came out as dark as it was supposed to be, probably bc of my ipad. My phone has a much petter "lighting" than my ipad. But that dosen't matter, looks still nice.

Also I made it more millitary because I thought it would fit his character, especially in this AU. Strickler is much more protecting over his family and I could imagine that he would also be more protecting of himself. (Because Barbara would kill him if not)

And I gave him two guns because we all know that he would prepare for a literal war with those humans just for his whelp. By the way he has more knifes on his waist area in un the back.

Anyways, closeup:

And the cape version:

May beloved.

And for some reason the tags didn’t work and people could see it so i post it again. Hopefully this time nothing goes wrong and if it does then it's definitely a problem with either tumblr or my account XD

[ffamranxii]

I’m only about halfway through Meteor Garden so I’ll save my major comparisons to Boys Over Flowers for the end, but I’d really like to get out my thoughts as of episode 25.

This is Shancai, and she is our protagonist. She is literal sunshine in human form and she deserves SO MUCH BETTER than what she’s getting. Seriously, she needs to tell every single character in this show to fuck off and then get the hell out of Shanghai. She’s been assaulted, insulted, harassed, kidnapped, demeaned, and had absolutely everyone in this show tell her “Oh Si’s just a total dickbag because he loves you” and “you’re just unsure because you’re in love.” No, Si’s a dickbag because he’s the fucking devil and she’s unsure because she’s been forced into an abusive relationship due to her inability to just say no and Si’s inability to take a fucking hint. At this point I’m watching the series to see if she makes it the fuck out alive.

This is the F4, (l-r) Si, Lei, Meizuo, and Ximen. Si has some serious anger issues that apparently stem from his father passing away and no one loving him enough, which I guess gives him the reason to be a passive aggressive asshole and beat the fuck out of random guys. Body count so far: 2. He’s also literally assaulted Shancai four times as of episode 25, once within the first episode (which is when Shancai should’ve noped the fuck out of there but of course did not, because women’s autonomy and safety mean nothing in this show.) I understand that a huge part of the Hana Yori Dango franchise is Tsubasa/Junpyo/Si learning to be an actual human being and deal with his emotions, but Si is disturbing close to his manga counterpart, and manga Tsubasa almost got Tsukushi killed, on purpose, within the first ten chapters. That being said, when he’s with his friends he does have some good moments and does grow, but he seriously needs to leave Shancai alone. 

Lei is who I thought I would ship Shancai with, since I shipped his Korean counterpart with her Korean counterpart hardcore in Boys Over Flowers -- but I was wrong. Lei is not a great person. He’s cold and distant and extremely hung up over his childhood love Jing, who he’s only slightly nicer to. He follows Jing to Paris, and when they break up he uses Shancai not just to get over Jing but to pull some weird passive aggressive stunt over on Si. In fact, Si and Lei seem to have this really bizarre, sadistic sexual tension between them and have more chemistry than Shancai does with either of them. I’d root for that ship.

Meizuo is not at all what I was expecting. So far everyone follows their Korean counterparts really well -- except Meizuo, who is nothing like Woobin. Meizuo might as well be an entirely different character, and that’s not necessarily a bad thing. Also unlike Woobin, he gets his own storyline apparently with Caina, which looks promising. Meizuo is arguably my favorite Meteor Garden F4 member because he dresses like he fishes every piece of clothing from the trash and I scream “what the FUCK are you wearing” at least once an episode. He’s also the sassiest.

Ximen is just a slightly more manipulative Yijung, which I kind of like. He also seems to have a dangerous side to him that the Korean adaption gave to Woobin -- it’s implied that he and Si have beat up people in the past together. His relationship with Xiaoyou is, I think, the only fucking healthy one in the entire show so far; he’s extremely sweet, attentive, and caring towards her, even though he’s a dick and a troll to his friends (though to be fair, Meizuo and Lei also troll Si at every opportunity, which is hilarious) and enables Si’s behavior towards Shancai and passive aggressively shames her when she tries to stand up for herself. I’m wondering if his relationship with Xiaoyou will pan out like that, or if it’ll be super cute and storybook like Yijung’s was with Gaeul.

Shancai has actual friends in this adaption, holy shit. Xiaoyou is the Meteor Garden counterpart to Gaeul so we’ve seen her before. She’s very cute and kitschy, and at times is one of Shancai’s only supporters (though she also hardcore Shancai/Si and tells Shancai multiple times “you’re just in love” when Shancai voices her very valid concerns about the man, which is worrying because Xiaoyou also doesn’t make good choices when it comes to romance.) Li Zheng (middle) and Qinghe (right) don’t exist in Boys Over Flowers and therefore are completely new to me (but not to the franchise, as they have Hana Yori Dango counterparts). Li Zheng has a massive inferiority complex that isn’t entirely undeserved in the beginning, as Shancai (accidentally) leaves her humiliated in the rain and unable to get into a big party. She almost ruins Shancai’s life by getting her drunk, sending her home with a strange guy, and posting pictures of them in bed together all over the internet -- and Shancai, for some bizarre reason, fucking forgives her, because she is a literal saint and we do not deserve her. After that stunt, however, Li Zheng seems to be a pretty decent friend, but like everyone else in this show is completely unreliable when it comes to giving Shancai dating advice. 

Qinghe and I were homies for a while, because he is THE ONLY GODDAMN PERSON who continually sees Si for the asshole he is and calls him out on it, and the F4 treat him pretty badly, using him a lot as a replaceable member for when they kick Si out (for all of five minutes) for being a little too unbearable. However, by episode 25 he’s fully into Nice Guy mode, and hates Si not because he’s a douche but because Si is dating Shancai. Dude went from Shancai’s best friend to one step away from being an incel and I am mourning the loss hard. 

Here we have the one-offs, who I expected to play a much bigger role than they actually are. We have Tian Ye, who also is brand new to me having not existed in the Korean adaption. He’s a chef at a restaurant Shancai works in (before Si chases her away from it) and he’s the only goddamn person in this entire series so far who likes Shancai and hasn’t treated her badly. He actually tells Si to gtfo out of his restaurant and stands up to him for Shancai more than once. I loved him so much and I am so sad to see him go, but the reemergence of his ex(?) fiancee makes me hopeful he’ll show up again too.

Xiaozi is the girl Si’s mother tries to arrange for him to marry, and I was SO EXCITED for her because I LOVED her counterpart in Boys Over Flowers... but Meteor Garden has left me very disappointed indeed. She’s extremely wishy-washy about Si, saying first that she hates him and won’t marry him and doesn’t want anything to do with him and then in the same episode deciding that they’re going to date before their marriage and asking Shancai for advice. I really liked her for the first half of that episode and I feel like they just completely fucked up her character.

Jing is Lei’s childhood friend and ex girlfriend, and the only other person who is unconditionally nice to Shancai -- with the caveat that she’s a horrible cunt to Lei. At first all seems well. They seem to be very loving and in a committed relationship, but the more times she appears (and we have the chance to get to know her a lot better in 25 episodes than we did Seohyun in 40 something), the more it becomes clear that she’s only leading Lei on and doesn’t truly return his affections. She resurfaces in their lives just to drop a bomb on them -- “Hey I’m going to Paris and never coming back and also disowning myself from my family, okay bye!” -- and Lei actually drops everything in his entire life to go after her. The flashback we get of them in Paris is supposed to be cute, I think, with soft lighting and dreamy atmosphere, but it actually just shows Jing neglecting Lei to the point of cruelty until he decides he’s had enough and leaves. While we had almost an entire season before Seohyun announced her marriage to some Parisian dude, Jing does the same within the first fourth of 48 episodes, and it paints her in a horrible light. She destroyed Lei and doesn’t even feel bad about it, and we haven’t heard from her since.

These three don’t have character posters and that’s a damn shame. I must say, Si’s sister Zhuang (left) is JUST as badass as Junhee, and takes absolutely no shit from her brother -- but she isn’t here for very long. I think we saw her for, what?, two? three episodes? Junhee didn’t play a huge part in many episodes in Boys Over Flowers but she was still there a lot in the background, usually making quips at Junpyo or arguing with their mother. I hope Zhuang comes back. 

Caina is a character who’s new to me and I think I’m enjoying her a lot. She was introduced in the same arc as Tian Ye, which makes sense as she is (and maybe no longer?) his fiancee through an arranged marriage. While the F4 were all congratulating Shancai for doing well in the cooking competition, Meizuo just sat there a little starstuck and talked about hooking up with Caina the entire time. WELL SHE COMES BACK in episode 24(or is it 23?) TO MY IMMENSE SHOCK, and apparently is into trash chic because she immediately jumps into a little arc with him. What concerns me though is how her extremely low alcohol tolerance, her blackout drunkenness around men, and her blackout-induced injuries are all treated as comedy. Meizuo and some creep fight over her for two entire episodes, and each time ends with her eating pavement and waking up hungover and extremely beat up from it. This show makes me fear for the safety of women in China, since Caina’s predicament is played for laughs. Also, what happened to Tian Ye?? 

And finally, there’s THIS BITCH. Si and Zhuang’s mother. She even looks like Zhuang (which means in-universe Si looks like his father, which is extra heartbreaking as his father is dead), and she is the biggest cunt I’ve had the delight to watch. I hate this bitch like I hate Dolores Umbridge. I thought Junpyo’s mom was bad but Si’s mom is ten thousand times worse. She’s cold and cruel and looks to humiliate Shancai whenever she can, and even her own son and Mrs Yu too. She’s literally just Umbridge as a mom except she doesn’t physically abuse her children. She’s the only person I can say I’m almost okay with being made more terrible than before, because the mom was always supposed to be horrible.

All in all, Meteor Garden should be subtitled “Everyone In This Show Is A Terrible Human Being, Except Shancai Who Can Do No Wrong.” And normally I enjoy shows about terrible people but this one isn’t a comedy like It’s Always Sunny or The Office. This is supposed to be some great epic love story between Shancai and Si and all I see is a girl who feels like she can’t voice her own opinion and tell a guy to back off, and a guy with rage issues who won’t back the fuck off. 

I mean, I’m finishing the series, but... it’s definitely a challenge. At least the soundtrack is popping.

[wakraya]

Hiveswap: The Theorizening

Having finished Hiveswap, there’s a lot of different things going through my head at once, thoughts, theories, characters, so I’ll try to not mix things together! That being said, as theories tend to be, Spoiler Warning under the cut! Also sadly I won’t be able to post images in it quite yet since they’re not too easily available around right now, will probably have to wait until some Youtube Video pops up with the gameplay/cutscenes. Without further ado!

Grandpa Harley - There’s a lot that has been revealed about Grandpa in the first half of Act 1, before moving to Alternia. He’s an absent father, and his absence obviously affects Joey a lot. She doesn’t like to blame herself for him not being there, and thus channels this as well deserved anger towards him, specially as she cannot relate to him in the slightest with his disdain for animal life. However, I noticed a few things Joey mentions. He’s been coming back home less and less ever since his wife died, and having ‘vacations to the Pacific Ocean’. I don’t know what’s going through that moustached head of his, but Jake didn’t come across the Frog Temple by mere chance, he actively seeked it for years before bumping into it. Where did he learn about it? What’s going on? Also the basement is full of Crockercorp Tools, old, but still present there. Is there some mind control and manipulation going on perhaps? Jane had to bear with the Baroness for a long while before she straight up faded, but Jake just ‘left her’, perhaps Crockercorp things reminded him of his departed sister? For all the hoarding and aimless adventuring we always thought he did, it seems like he does have a goal. That being said, the obsession doesn’t excuse his neglect for his family or being a shitty parent and being absolutely crazy but, yeah. There’s something deeper going on with him, and I’ll be glad to explore this facet of him on Hauntswitch.

A. Claire - She’s dead. From the very first moment you start the game, in the very first room, you get heavy clues that she’s already dead. However, while I thought A. Claire was nothing more than ‘Joey’s Mom’ before, after playing through the game I can’t help but feel there’s something more to it. She had the Key. The Key was a ‘Heirloom’ she stored in her jewelry box? Or did it appear there afterwards? Joey heavily associates it to her, and with Grandpa’s obsession of tracking down the Frog Temple growing stronger after she died, I have to wonder if there’s something more going on with her. How did she die, exactly? What was she hiding? Again, something really interesting to have in mind for Hauntswitch.

Tetrarch Dammek - Wow. I don’t think any of us expected him to be such a dick. Look at that name, too- Tetrarch Dammek. Tetrarch is basically ‘one of four rulers’, and I believe Xefros alludes to there being another 3 Tetrarchs within the resistance. With him gone, the power structure of the Rebellion is shaking, and now Trizza will make her move- They have to make do, and they’re very likely going to have to get Joey to help them. Back to Dammek himself though, Tetrarch is ALSO an 8-Letter title, like Adults on Alternia seem to use. The Tetrarch. Along with his ideals and how he treats Xefros, it seems that he’s living a sort of Highblood Power Fantasy of Leadership and Control to bring Trizza down. If we’re supposed to care about him, Jude/Roxy are very likely going to shove him in the right direction. Maybe without his guns and in an alien planet, he shows his true colors, scared, defenceless, with no one backing him up- And he learns to be a better person before going back to Alternia. I sure hope so.

Xefros Tritoh - Sweet cinnamon roll, too good for this world, too PURE. I fell in love the moment Joey started to talk with him, poor thing has been pretty much brainwashed. It puts in perspective just how shitty Rustbloods REALLY have it on Alternia, and makes me wonder if Aradia’s complacency comes from this too. Like... It’s not just that it’s her thing, she was ‘0kay’ with things, but rather just a... Grim outlook on not being able to do anything about her situation. “That’s fine. It’s how things are.” That being said, Joey came to the rescue quite unexpectedly, I didn’t think she’d lash out against Dammek like that and I’m VERY glad she did! I still think Dammek has a chance of redemption on Earth, but what he’s done to Xefros is intolerable, and I’ll be glad to see his confidence AND his psychic skills develop over time as he journeys with Joey through Alternia to bring down the Empress!

Doc Scratch - We have little information about him so far. There was the delivery to Xefros but that’s about it. That was incredibly creepy. Someone also mentioned the Hint System sounded a bit like Scratch- But I’m not quite sure since I never clicked the ? Button, I might check it at a later date. For now, his involvement seems to be pretty tame, but if he’s pulling the strings behind Trizza, it’s been a nice little cameo so far.

Trizza Tethis - What a bitch. I love her. We didn’t see much about her, but we heard more about how awful she is, and got that one last image at the end. “Wish you were here”, what a piece of shit. Who was she saying it to? The other members of the resistance perhaps?

Axolotl - We actually did get a little bit teased about that! The painting in the hallway had what, to me, looked like Aztec representations of the Grimalkin, the Sloth and the Axolotl, which is very interesting. Foreshadowing? Or perhaps something more? There was also a weird tapestry in the Trophy Room I can’t quite remember, but it could be something really interesting to analyse at a later date.

Biggest Fan - I’m assuming Xefros and Joey are going to see Cridea at the end of the game. Maybe? The only other option I can think of is the Rebel Marshall. I believe they said their biggest fan was a ‘she’, unless I’m thinking wrong, otherwise it could be Fiamet too! (Wait is Fiamet a guy? I actually think I just assumed he was a guy because the Axolotl from Animal Crossing is a guy. God dammit, it could really be anyone huh? What a mess). Whoever it is, given he mentioned it’s a ‘Fan’, I doubt it’ll be another Tetrarch.

Tetrarchs - The leaders of the Rebellion. Dammek was one of them. I wonder if Cridea or Fiamet are Tetrarchs too. Who knows, maybe the Canon Fantrolls are Tetrarchs! That would be an interesting plot twist wouldn’t it? I’m assuming Fiamet IS one, merely based on the fact he has the power of the Green Sun on his side. Too valuable and powerful of an asset to NOT be a leader.

Alternia - We’ve gotten a few glimpses at life in Alternia! Lo and behold, it just so happens that Hellworld is EVEN WORSE than I thought from the canon! Even with Trizza being excessive in her killings, it just feels like absolutely no one cares about Rustbloods and lives of the lower bloods can be taken for like, anything at all. Seems like there are contests that can change people’s lives however, like the music one Xefros and Dammek seemed to want to attend, that would either give them a life of ‘luxury’, or death. There was a comment on how it took SWEEPS for Scythian to deliver something to Rustbloods, which means that apparently you MUST register your caste on literally EVERYTHING online. Another interesting fact, aside from the Stickball sports which seems a mixture of Rugby, Quidditch and Pool, Xefros mentions Rustblood Dead Communion, and also Blueblood posh attitude and crushing strength, making it canon that, yeah, those kind of powers aren’t actually genetic oddities but are commonplace among castes! Of course comparing Aradia’s telekinesis with Xefros’, it’s obvious some Trolls may be better gifted than others, and I wouldn’t be surprised if some outright lack them. Still, interesting.

Jude - He’s still convinced that the figures are behind this, but something the previews and trailers didn’t mention is that he believes the figures are after the portal. In the same vein, on Alternia, the interviews said that Trizza wants to get her hands on the portal too, which after driving Joey and Xefros away is incredibly easy. Seems like the villains of both games are after this thing, whatever it is. I thought Jude would be nervous and shaky and scared, but NOPE, he’s fucking ready, he’s been ready all his life to take those things down, and I think that’s kind of impressive. Still a dork though.

Joey - Poor thing knows nothing about Alternia, and it’s hilarious to see how confused and grossed out she is through the game. I wonder if she’ll have to eat bugs at some point. I hope she has to eat bugs at some point. She’s so pure too. I like how at the end, Xefros blushed grabbing at her, but she just flashed a little, comfortable smile. I ship Xefros <> Joey already, and feel like, given how her orientation has been leaning so far with the paintings and statues in the Harley Household, she’s totally gonna fall in love with some blueblood lady. Watch her blush when Cridea enters the scene.

The Portal - God this fucking THING. Up in the attic I tried to see if I could see the God Tier’s symbol next to the portal, but it was too difficult. I think it was somewhat round? It might’ve been Mind? But I might’ve just imagined things too, who even knows. The portal itself though, I did NOT expect it to be artificial. It’s not just a structure someone found. Jude has Blueprints. And on Alternia, the more futuristic looking version is also built and has Blueprints. Xefros calls it a ‘weapon’ but he also obviously has no idea what it does, meaning Dammek likely has some more idea about it, just like Joey does. Did they build it? was it some attempt to contact both words? Can a built structure actually be a Juju? I have so, so many questions about that thing and I hope the game solves all of them eventually. But for now, there’s just not enough information to determine anything. It’s soooo weird.

Those are my thoughts on the lore the game added upon so far. We’ll see how things go as more things about Hiveswap and Act 2 start to pop up!

[timeisacurse]

Something happened today

Something happened today that made it different from the other days of my life so far. It had started normal enough. I was sitting at work, vaguely hungover, so out of it that I left the house without grabbing my backpack. I was staring at my computer screen, my eyes buzzing against the harsh white light, realizing the ibuprofen I carry around was still in my bedroom, in that aforementioned backpack, when it happened. I received my first unsolicited dick pic. 

Well, I guess it was a dick snap, but that just sounds unpleasant for everyone involved.

Anyway, let me go back in time by one day. I was sitting there in that same chair I just mentioned, behind that same computer, and I get a message from this guy from my elementary school. For reference, I haven't seen him since 8th grade, and we were not even friends then. But for some reason, he friended me on facebook the day before and suggested we get coffee sometime and catch up. I vaguely went along with the plan, but I did not trust him. He could be anyone trying to lure me into a trap. Yes I am twenty six, but I still feel like kidnapping is a valid excuse not to meet up with strangers.

  So after a few back and forth pleasantries, and him having revealed he had broken up with his girlfriend a while back, his comments and questions got dirty. He revealed to me that he was a private investigator for a private company, and again, I did not believe him, but I did start to refer to him as Detective. For his privacy, that is what I will call him. Detective asked why i called him Detective, and then without missing a beat, asked if I would let him arrest me, followed by some vaguely sexual emojis. I just told him not to be gross and figured that would be the end of it. But oh boy, was I wrong. 

After he found out I was not in any position to accept his advances, seeing as I have a long term relationship I see no reason for destroying, he appeared to take it on as a quest of sorts to get me to follow him down this salacious path. 

And I know I could have just stopped responding, I could have blocked him, but I was so intrigued by whatever was going on in his mind that made him feel so desperate for someone to witness him rather than let him continue to scream into a void. I did not find him in any way threatening- he is a skinny polish ginger by the way, or at least he was impersonating the skinny polish ginger from my elementary school class. He was a half-decent manipulator though, he definitely felt like he was in control of the whole situation, kept trying to bait me with things, claiming he always thought I was gorgeous way-back-when , or saying he touched my boob one time in school.

 I knew he was lying about at least one of those two facts,and when I asked for an explanation, he would just keep telling me we would have to talk about it over drinks. For the record, I was a very physical tomboy in school and played hard- even more so after class- with the boys playing tackle football or even just some sort of last-man-standing wrestling match, so the boob touch was probably a result of that if it ever happened. Though I do not think I would have let him get away with it without leaving some sort of bruise in protest. 

So, the next day, this life-changing day, after a few more suggestions that we should get together to catch up over drinks, I told him I wouldn’t even consider it unless I had proof he was not, in fact, a bridge troll under an assumed name of a skinny polish kid I knew 11 years ago. Proof of identity these days revolves around cameras, so we became snapchat friends. I also reassured him that nothing would come of any advances, repeatedly, and that seemed to continue to fuel him. He tried to convince me otherwise, and I quote, because there is no other way to relay this information,  “I’m telling you- Get to know me- I do not fuck like every other guy out there- I will make you feel every emotion- Emotions you didnt think you knew” How in the hell could I just leave that alone. I must find out more about what happened to this poor creature to make him think this is okay. I found him fascinating and repulsive. I still told him there was no chance, but he still kept talking.

He had been provoking me with dirty talk, wanting to stir up an erotic fiction, and I sat on the sidelines, letting him weave this somewhat lacking sexual tapestry; one you might find in a grubby bathroom of a chinese restaurant. Whenever he asked if he should stop, or suddenly if he had overstepped and tried to half-heartedly apologize and say he was just “hot and bothered” I said I was not perturbed by it, because I really wasn’t. I was mesmerized by his complete lack of filter. I was a complete stranger. Why was he gushing sexual attraction all over my screen. What is the cause of this severe lack of judgement?

Once Detective and I were established snapchat friends, his name literally just being his last name which made me slightly more sure it was him, the first thing he asked was if it was ok to be dirty on that platform as well. He was at work and he was bored. I simply continued my chosen profession of psychotherapist and said that people can and will do whatever they want. I will not be partaking, but his actions are his own. Call me naive, but I was not anticipating what happened next. 

From what I gathered, Detective was in some guys house, the guy appeared to be on vacation, and Detective was just supposed to be waiting around and paying attention.  I thought he just wanted to continue spewing his filthy language and let it wash away down the snapchat drain rather than be catalogued forever within facebook messenger. Nope. Before I am allowed to confirm his identity, there is a rather unimpressive penis chilling on my phone. The fact that it was unimpressive made a bit of sense, but the fact that he was just loitering in a strangers house when he was supposed to be “working”  with his pants down only further proved that there was something seriously wrong with this man. 

Again he tried to express that he had me in his grasp, that I was now also “hot and bothered” when in reality I was staring at his genitals like I was studying some sort of homeless mollusk. I informed him that he was not quite that impressive, because hey, I think he needs some honesty in his life. Detective then asked if I considered him to be small, and I said no, because I have seen my fair share of micro-penis documentaries and I know some men would kill for his equipment. I also informed him his cinematographic technique was lacking and he should stick to detective work. That, instead of being discouraging, prompted him to send a few different angles of him petting the poor, homeless mollusk. It was kind of boring, I was wondering what he was getting out of this whole thing, if this was some kind of kink,  but the last snap he sent while trying to spread his wings and really embrace the art form of dick snapping included his face. Detective was, in fact, the skinny ginger from elementary school. I pictured him back then, pale as a sheet of paper, wide blue eyes and slightly buck teeth  that I fondly associated with Spongebob, and I just wondered what path he had gone down for this to be his life. How am I even on his radar as someone he thinks is even slightly interested in severely amature, slightly public,  pornographic mini-movies? The last physical memory I have of him was at our last school dance - it was mandatory- and we went to catholic school, i haven’t mentioned that yet- and he was jumping up and down in a button up shirt,  screaming along to that Journey song, you know the one. He looks so similar still, though now with some facial hair and his once wide eyes are now lustily squinting into the camera like it is his lover. 

While I was busy walking down memory lane, Detective is just sitting on a stranger's couch with his pants down. He asks if I want to see “how much he can grow”. I guess I made him feel like he had to prove himself. He did not even wait for a reply, but at this point I am in it for the long haul. And to his credit, it helped him level up a few notches. I asked if this was normally how he spent his time at work, he said that this is only the second time, and I really did not believe him. 

Anyway, this went on for another minute or so, and when he was done, and yes, he captured that surprisingly anti-climactic moment at well,  he pulled a complete 180 and started asking me about his cat and how he is thinking about getting a kitten for it to have around when he is at work. I had a lot of barn cats when I lived back home, and he apparently remembered that and thought I was a cat expert. He just went on and on about his concerns about getting a new kitten. I told him each cat is different and kept it vague, but demanded images of the cat, because why not, I already had seen his penis, why stop there. So he sends me some saved snaps of the furball, also ginger by the way- literally- his name is ginger in polish-  and then at the end he “accidentally” sent a picture of his topless ex-girlfriend. I assumed that was because he wanted to talk about her, but after some brief talk about breasts, he seemed to become embarrassed, like his actions suddenly caught up with him,  and went quiet, says we would talk later. If trying to start a conversation by saying “pssst” after 11pm counts as talking, then he did follow up on that matter, but I told him to hush since it was bedtime, because I am an old lady in a seventy year-old body.

 Maybe I will hear from him again, maybe he just had to get that out of his system, but in any case, I feel like a changed person. My eyes have been opened to a new form of interaction with strangers I had never experienced. Maybe it is because I interact so little with people outside of work and family life, but I did not think this is how the world worked.  After two short encounters with Detective, I know what his dick looks like, the name of his cat, and that his ex girlfriend had pierced nipples. 

The whole situation was hilarious, but maybe the funniest and saddest part of all of this was that he never asked for proof that I am who I said I was- only proving the point that it did not matter. He just needed someone.

[huge6s-blog]

RANDOM FACTS ABOUT THE MUN.

Repost, not reblog! Tag 6 muns you would like to get to know better when done!

Name: Kaitlyn! Please, for the love of god, never use it.

Nickname: Katy, Kat, variations; (Katydid, Katybug, Kitkat, etc.) But if you wanna call me something else, that’s fine too!

Age: 22! Simultaneously too old and a wee bab, lmao

Faceclaim: Not something I do! I could never pick just one, besides maybe my own face! (I’d thought about using Shuu Iwamine or Rize Kamishiro before, if that says anything haha)

Pronouns: Your highness/My liege She/Her! But “they/them” is good too.

Height: ~5’6”-5’7”; I can’t remember the last time I checked.

Birthday: Poppin’, obviously March 30th.

Aesthetic: Purple and black?? EGNautilus scientists tittering excitedly over adorable or exciting sea creatures. Omnipresent Mountain Dew cans, fast food and colorful kneesocks. 2AM adventures on clear nights in summer that last until dawn starts sending it’s first beams into the sky. Spacey FPS games and cutesy RPG and Pokemon games interspersed throughout. Weathered frames and tired eyes. ROBOTS… I have no idea, man. A lot of things!

Last song you listened to: “The Thief and the Moon” by Shawn James!

Favourite muse(s) you’ve written: kfkjdf. Sixes definitely counts,, Uhh. My first was a canon-divergent Eridan, who I’d played before Act 6 was even close to being a thing! And he was a lot of fun. Accidentally made a “do not that” meme that still sometimes plagues me to this day ldkfdk A dream-bubble/dead Karkat who’d been murdered in his timeline’s Gamzee’s rampage and only had one eye, he was a biiiig favorite. I loved having enough energy for that all; typing that much shittalk??? Was one of the most fun things I’ve ever done in roleplay, holy shit. Entire fucking PAGES of just these absolutely USELESS rants because that nubby little shit had so much passion for it. Fuck. I loved Karkat. A bloodswapped, cobalt-blooded Karkat who was also post-game for a pre-established timeline where trolls and humans co-existed on the same planet(s). He was a Thief of Blood and a massive asshole; at his worst, he was manipulative, isolative, vengeful, restless… But also, he was a really big dork??? He LOOOOOVED spy movies and probably popped boners regularly for Black Widow and James Bond or the Kingsmen. Fucking nerd. He fancied himself a spy; his best friend was a badass hacker, and they’d (F)LARP together as a stereotypical “you hack, I’ll infiltrate” team. Before Earth, he never cared about Christmas, but one year his richass neighbourhood started putting up flashy decorations and he got jealous, so he stole a shitton of them to make his own house look the best. He’s so… So stupid. I love him so much. And of course, jumping off the Homestuck bandwagon; I have Lv/Hadz! My dorky, sadsack pun machine. A (sort of, mostly) secret post-genocide Sans; the Bad Run™ had been reset after completion, but something went wrong, so he remembers it. Still, he’s been running for like, two years now! So he’s had a lot of time to go and bury all that as deeply as monsterly possible lmaooo. He’s distrusting, paranoid, and isolative himself; but he’s probably the most all-around good guy on this list. He just wants to get on with his life and never have to fight anyone ever again, lmfao. I… I also have a few OCs, but you’ll have to pry those out of my cold, dead hands. … Carefully. With lots of reassurance. (I’m very shy…)

What inspired you to take on your current muse (that you are posting this on): I like… Undertale. And I like Underfell enough that once the idea was presented to me, my mind kinda ran away with it, haha. It started with Hopper, my weird UF Sans! But it feels like every time I approach the AU I have slightly different ideas for it, pfft. I guess with Sixes, I wanted to step away from the skeletons for awhile! I was really excited about messing with Mettaton for it, because I… Really liked listening to the radio for awhile, haha. I thought it’d be kind of cool if instead of being really excited to be seen flaunting himself across a television set, he wasn’t so happy with how he turned out physically, and made his influence a little less directly visible. It fit in well with the seemingly common theme of conflict in Underfell, and things just really exploded from there! It’s hard to summarize in just a few short words. That said, Sixes probably wouldn’t have a blog at all if it wasn’t for tumblr user wibler’s- Sixes’ Sans!- mun coaxing me into giving it a shot! She has a lot of faith in my creative abilities. I dunno what I’d do without her support through the past few years, heheh. She’s neat.

What are your favourite aspects of your current muse: LOUD ANGRY ROBOT LMFAO Shit though, I dunno! I like writing a character who goes through the bipolar disorder motions, the manics and the depressives. I love watching him go hot and cold on characters as he flipflops through his impulses and subsequent regrets. I love that in his timeline, everyone knows him while he himself actually… Hardly knows anyone at all. He’s made himself untrustworthy, and in turn doesn’t trust anyone, either, so he hardly ever opens up beyond… You know. Angry screaming, or shameless flirting and flattery, ignoring personal space bubbles… I love that his Sans being absent kind of smacked him on the nose, because that was someone he was actually making a connection with, but tried to play it off like Sans was just another moment in his life so he kind of treated him like a dick lmao. Deadass knew the poor little dude had anxiety issues and scared him on purpose, made joking death threats, joked about flirting with his shittyass brother… Sixes was such a prick. Fuck. And he realizes that! And after ditching his family just to have a cataclysmic fallout with his other BFF, Alphys, Sans disappearing… It’s something he blames himself for. It kind of sobered him up a little to the way his actions affect people. AND DESPITE EVERYTHING, HE STILL USES HIS CAMERAS (THAT HE STOLE FROM ALPHYS IN A PETTY FIT) SCATTERED ACROSS THE UNDERGROUND AND HIS SHITTY TRAP ROOMS IN HOTLAND TO PUBLICALLY HUMILIATE RANDOM CITIZENS IN A WIPEOUT-ESQUE PODCAST ON THE UNDERNET. At least that assholitude earns him money, though! Fuck. I also reaaallly love how different AUs bring out different aspects of his character, but that’s a rant for another time or place! Hoo. I dunno, man. I could go on about Sixes for like, ever. He’s a really fun muse.

What’s your biggest inspiration when it comes to writing: I’m… I’m not even gonna lie, a lot of it is the positive feedback lmao. I don’t, uh. Do much these days, creatively or recreationally speaking, and I don’t really have a lot of friends IRL… Er, any, actually, if you’re only counting closehand. All my friends live hundreds of miles away, and it sucks. But this is… Simultaneously social and creative. I get to talk to people, and make friends, and toss creativity back and forth with people, and it’s really fulfilling. I love to be a part of other people’s creative processes! I love seeing what other people do with THEIR characters, and when we all??? Interact??? Mother of God, it’s such a treat! Everyone’s so creative and impressive and inspiring… And hearing/seeing us all go back and forth about what we admire in each other… I’m pretty happy with just being a part of writing, and telling other people that I love what they do! But every now and then it comes back around to me in little ways, and it feels really special. It’s hard to imagine anyone liking my stuff past a “they’re pretty cool I guess, yeah” sentiment, despite my glittering impression of a lot of the writers in the community; so when someone DOES say they like my stuff, even just by saying they like a drawing, or like the way I described something, I go OFF THE WALL LMAO. Straight up dissolve and slip through the floorboards a la Gaster style with how lovely it feels. Shucks… And, you know. Watching characters develop in general- whether they be mine or not- is really fulfilling and inspiring. A good cycle.

Favourite types of threads: Anything that feels meaningful! I love it when two characters make any kind of connection, despite the context. That said, typically “angst” and “fluff” style threads are a big favorite, but there has to be, like… you know. Meaning to it. It feels really… I dunno, cardboardy to just throw a muse into a woodchipper for no particular reason just to have them drag themselves to another muse begging for help or to have a chance to explain some kind of deep, edgy feeling or story. Baseless fluff has a lot more wiggle room lmao, but that can get really monotonous really quick if something more significant fails to spark somewhere along the line. Just so long as something’s getting achieved somehow, I guess! If it feels like nothing’s changed between the two at the end of the thread, it feels really unfulfilling and hollow.

Biggest struggle in regards to your current muse: URRRGH. IMPLEMENTING THE RADIO SHOW/PODCAST THING… On one hand, Sixes has kind of collected the idea that the multiverse is a very indifferent place towards the goings-on within his timeline! And, he supposes, that that suits him fine. Hurts his pride a little, but it’s something he’s just going to curl up and lick his wounds for, pfft. But still! I wish I knew how to make it a little more obvious and prominent- The same could go for his growing industry, too! I guess I’ve just been jobless too long to really have a feel for it like I should, oof… Additionally, drawing him is reALLY HARD… He’s in his classic box form most of the time because he’s really insecure about his EX form, and yet I draw his EX form more than anything because the box is frustrating to draw??? And despite it all, I’m still not sure I’m terribly happy with how his EX form looks!!! He’s supposed to be a little closer to a NEO design than initially planned, as Alphys fully intended him to be a KILLING MACHINE from the start without telling him! But he caught on early on, and they kind of bullied each other into compromising a bunch of things until he was just this “hideous” mess that neither of them were terribly happy with… So, you know. The indecision carried over to me too, evidently! Ugh.

Tagged by: nah! Just stole it was all. (from slobbyseconds/coolskeletonsdontcry forever ago, but just got around to now. kfjf)

Tagging: Anyone who wants to! @ me back if you do it, though; I love reading these things!

[convndrums]

here the FAWK she ( the semi-finished masterlist of all my characters ) is ! took way too long but hopefully as you proceed to click on the linque below you’ll know why smh but yep ! i’ll be adding their pages on my account when i’m done with them soon i hope and maybe come back with a bunch of connections for each character but for now this is all i got & smash this like or im me for plots i’d love to get on those finally xx

reintroducing amanda wheeler;  intro & info page.

queen of irony. rich post- faux country gal who’s a loud homosexual and writes hetero fics/has an indie het smut for the absolute shits and giggles. dates a married woman she’s utterly in love with and will pull the life support cord for. said to be possessed by a possessed flapper. cute and knows it even though she looks like a republican. socially open & everywhere. morally grey.

reintroducing imogen yates; intro & info page. ( tw violence )

the grey area between your mom friend and your drunk aunt. happily vegan & owns a vegan restaurant called the fork, alt. the vegan cult’s lair. won’t kill you, but will convince you she really wants to. local brat tamer. minds her business via minding others. clashed head-first into nature’s very own reset button: amnesia. used to be satan and traumatized everyone. disgustingly active and accomplishing.

reintroducing ethan holland; intro & info page. ( tw suicide )

he is a sk8r boi, she said see ya later boy ( and meant it. they’re dating now. hey lourdes ! ) a nice person, so nice he doesn’t realize how fake he sounds/is. a certified headass. previously a bully/bully enabler, current guilty fuck. #torn. does the most for his loved ones. doesn’t remember his own birthday. googled foot fetishes once. trolls stan twitter with his fake selena gomez stan account when tumblr crashes. burned a sue of cide note with his name scribbled on it.

reintroducing sebastian miller; intro & info page ( tw violence )

kazimer sokolov whom. russian ex-cult member well-adjusted into a mundane life via lies, a fake canadian accent he’s ‘trying to get rid of’, being a twilight saga aficionado and a dickwad, a lame record store and a tumblr blog to keep himself sane by maintaining a general aesthetic and shitting on people and every discourse out there. knives/books sniffer. allegedly fucked a moose. probably kinkshames as a way to deal with his own “kinks” aka please keep the dead bodies away. ( im kidding i swear but [redacted] )

reintroducing prudence zima; intro & info page ( tw death )

parents died in a fire when she was two months old and it shows. idolizes avril lavigne & her favorite movie is lords of dogtown for aesthetics references. dude. social leech or effortless networker ? both. remains in her lane regardless. cry-types probably. here for a good time, not a long time. steals your stash and smokes you out with it. avid dick connoisseur. minimum effort lifestyle. either on her way to become a manager of some one hit wonder band that finds it’s demise in a freak accident, a drug dealer or god forbid, a guidance counselor; depends. mild cool girl syndrome. 

reintroducing jennifer meade; intro & info page ( tw death, violence and abuse )

bi/pussy muncher and proud misandrist, first and foremost. remembers killing her brother very fondly. the one girl in a room to call when you want to kill a bug and you’re relieved until she kills it with her bare hand. tops. unstable & chaotic evil, respectively. the ginger devil. biased and has her minion whom she invests a great deal of her time in brain washing and obsessing over. supposedly here to make amends but that’s not happening any time soon.

reintroducing margot williams; intro & info page ( tw mental illness )

deserves better. very gay. all her friends are heathens xtra, take it slow. corrects typos in the gc. a nerdy editorial assistant daydreaming about publishing houses instead of the magazine she works for. lowkey shy and she’s angry about it. goes off if she must. jacks off to #knowledge and yuri anime. helps with homework and essays and takes the kids out. deadpan because we’re original but she swears it’s just the face & unresolved trauma. stans her therapist. unofficial older sister.

reintroducing chandler accardi; intro ( re-written ) & info page

needs to do better. dropped out of college for culinary school then dropped out of that too. was engaged to an absolute goddess he ultimately wronged ( with her damn best friend, bitch disgostin* ) and got kicked out to the curb. currently residing in the couch of his sister until things are resolved. thot-by-default & annoying. has like three ( 3 ) redeeming qualities. has never been told to shut up and it shows. works at buzzfeed.

reintroducing abel gautier; intro & info page

french and “confused”. lives a minimalist n’ expensive life. if american psycho & french kiss were the same movie. wine sniffer. the devil bakes croissants. will watch you die. takes grudges to the afterlife. gets attached but either ruins it or ruins it to spare everyone, himself included. falls in love a lot but knows how to calm the fuck down. very giving, fortunately. manipulative but isn’t too wild about bending everything to his will. 

reintroducing simini gale; intro & info page ( tw abuse, violence & mental illness )

token white actress & character in rosie’s show. [ britney vc ] its me.... against dissociation. a loud mess with an intense mental state and anger issues dulled out by her prescribed meds and whatever pill she got in the bottom of her manager’s purse. dependent and distraught about it. grocery shopping for garbage food and attending comedy stand up shows half drunk as a hobby. stable ? where. very nice and super flighty. heels are hot. wishes she could fight someone without feeling the urge to actually fight someone. 

reintroducing calvin o’shea; intro & info page ( tw mental illness )

it’s not just the depression more than the incredible self hatred. walks into rooms with his bad energy, grumpy mood and cunty attitude. graduated college just to shut his dad up. wants to die harder than edward cullen. just doesn’t give a shit. has a baby named freddie mercury ( also known as the antichrist, with alanis, his mortal literal enemy whom he absolutely despises and will not hesitate to put his dick back in again lbr ) who will probably grow up to talk shit about his parents whom he also mentioned in his tell-all book on ellen. works at his family’s bookstore that sucks the life energy out of college students nearing a mental breakdown.

reintroducing isabel pavia; intro & info page ( tw drug use )

contemporary dances her feelings away. too ambitious for her own good but knows what she’s doing. in a goth ass secret society ( here ) a.k.a her new found purpose. knows everything eventually. oddly trustworthy. doesn’t know what speaking loudly is, let alone yelling. loves the moon & has that moon app. had to take painkillers when she twisted her ankle very badly and would take them for a while for stress and performance reasons, but has stopped. a quiet angel. 

reintroducing anastasia zeller; intro & info page

ambitious/multi-talented asshole. horror trash & an emotional/mental maze which translates well into her weird works on no sleep reddit and current horror comedy podcast. ( click here for info ). needs a therapist according to a friend, whom she dropped for saying that. will bite your head off. obsessed with her works to an unhealthy point. would love to establish a company and stuff out of it and is working on that. healthy relationships are a semi-foreign concept.

reintroducing morgan booker; intro & info page ( tw death )

vape-curious and takes photos of ghost towns and abandoned-everythings because #vision. had a roadtrip phase like the fake deep idiot he is. morally grey. genuinely here for a good laugh and spreading joy in the form of hover-friendships and taking lit candids of his friends. knows shit and comes off as a creep sometimes but does he really care. knows your mom’s name. lives in a disused hospital bc he’s marinating on that aesthetic. 

reintroducing bowie harmon; intro & info page ( tw drug use & abuse )

part of a duo in a web series as the anxious n’ cackling mess. showcases her depressión & anxieté by her colorful wigs n’ new hair dyes. painful receptionist at a tattoo parlor. recovering addict who advocates for drug use. thinks tattooing a ruler on someone’s dick one day would be the peak of her accomplishments as a tattoo artist. daily bad decisions. “ it’s complicated. ” when asked about literally any relationship she has with anyone in her life. traumas include her failed singing career. an ex viner-by-association.

reintroducing shaheen bin baz; intro & info page ( tw violence & mental illness )

the physical deception of going through hell in a short amount of time with zero mental durability to begin with during midterms. trigger-anxious. will shoot your toes off your foot if caught off guard. aided in criminal operations with the brilliance of his mind in codes. would not mind dying. seasons your food. waters his crops in his balcony garden. the grey area between a super laidback dude and a crackhead with violent tendencies. nearing a mental breakdown probably. 

reintroducing minka abbott-santos; intro & info page ( tw abuse )

defeats the evil stepmom stereotype one breath at a time. the human embodiment of a deer. gothic angel. alarmingly gets black swan. type to wake up to her staring at you from an armchair across the room, but lovingly, with a book she was reading in hand and two hot cups of tea; she was waiting to start the day with you. spooky until you get to know her and even more spookier when she’s ( note: calmly ) pissed but that’s extremely rare. gentle voice, soul and everything.

reintroducing reuben faulkner; intro & info page ( tw abuse & violence  )

rekt hell prince. lived in an amish community with his family until he got kidnapped away from home when he was seven into an awful living situation. doesn’t remember if the gas leak that happened five years later and killed everyone was his doing or not. knows where his real family is after months of tracking them down but. blood kink under investigation. shady bouncer at a shady club. has issues he has no care or time to diminish. fights for the shits and giggles. leaves texts at read. leaves you alone for your own good and his own sanity. 

reintroducing alexandra turunen;  info page

wants to do everything and be everything and doesn’t know what to do with herself ( read: post-graduation identity crisis ) currently investing in a motorcycle for no reason. essentially jobless. a “retired” kathryn merteuil who “outgrew” her cunning ways since highschool but really only found new socially destructive interests. appears to be self-possessed but she’s #shaken. doesn’t care about how well she presents herself anymore after getting rejected by four universities and refusing to accept her father’s offer to pull some strings to get her in one. sleeps a lot. 

reintroducing giuseppe del vecchio;  info page ( tw death & drug use  )

goes by pepe because well. son of italian oil peeps & is extra. said to be in a cult when all he’s in is this extra ass dining club that does the most for initiation ceremonies. ready to fall in love with you. goes to the king’s college in london and studies business & changes his minor way too often for everyone’s liking. into everything and will be down to do whatever. faux deep. mischievous shit. incredibly unbiased. had his rawrk n’ roll phase that died along with someone in a club literally. still has it but he knows god now & less drugs.

reintroducing kelian scott;  info page ( tw death & drug use  )

a father/father figure who tries™. runs a mechanic shop/chop shop because bad decisions and dire needs ( had his son to send to school and his daughter who passed away due to a disease he couldn’t afford to treat even after turning his shop into a chop shop. his wife then left him ). stares into the distance. wants the best for the kids but one of them is a junkie ( he doesn’t know yet ) and the other -- his niece -- is an orphan he’s worried about. thinks ahead 24/7. needs to pull out of this dull n’ depressing daily routine he has fallen into like the basic ass divorced dad he is. 

reintroducing sal presley;  info page

smexy trace & fingerprint detective. talks. the perfect illusion to bring home to your parents and friends. gets shit done which is both a good thing and a bad thing. looks calm, collected n’ well-rested but isn’t. his actual name is salvatore but no. knows how to mix drinks and more; used to showcase his multi-talented ass to make his ( currently ex ) fiancée look good now just himself. was engaged three times; two of those times with the same person. obsessive; gets into his job a little too intensely for no reason but #justice and maybe something else whom knows. loses sleep at least two nights a week as a habit at this point. has an extended family back home he misses occasionally. wishes he could calm down truly. 

[hanzi83]

To Be Clear I am Not Suicidal

Just when I take a break from writing scathing blogs to spew out the irrational hatred in my head that constantly flows, while all these people perpetuate those attitudes with their targeted harassment of me, their secrecy, yet their transparency they take it to another level. You know how I always point out these people, whether it is Stern trolls, other online trolls, right wingers or even people I know personally, don’t actually care about my mental health unless something happened so they can pretend they care, well it kind of happened when they reported my account because I seemed suicidal.

They have seen these irrational tweets before and know I vent so I don’t actually do anything to anyone or myself but they felt the need to report my account. It is funny that if you were so concerned you could have reached out personally and try to talk to me but these people didn’t care, they just wanted to report me and censor me because the shit I am saying makes them feel uncomfortable about selling their soul, working with evil people in the industry, potentially being bribed for sex and becoming employed fan boys and when you generalize and just take guesses, you can tell what can get to them. It is hilarious because I don’t have the resources that they have, yet I can get on my social media and say the things I do, and it triggers your pussy ass, and you tell me I am the snowflake and call me a terrorist and claim I am becoming radical.

I already suspect the people doing it and it is more Stern Anon type of people, that is what some of these trolls refer to it as and it must have some truth to it. Whenever I post a picture with local people at certain times, they inform me that certain people in those pictures are working for Stern Anon and it makes sense, it is probably why they are allowed to become legit in this world, and get access to the industry pussy and dick they crave, or allowed access to celebrity events, or advanced knowledge in which way to act accordingly and then still use me for some financial gain because I have sneaky suspicion, and this goes for all exploited whack packers of the Stern Show, that their people who are close with them use them to pimp them out and sometimes it is done knowingly or unknowingly and it will continue with me. I have called it out, that I am only granted limited hang out to make it seem like there is some kind of normalcy, but when something really important goes on they make excuses and lie about it ad nauseam and if I dare point it out it becomes way too much for them to handle and their fragility shows because when someone, who is mentally ill like I am, is questioning their agendas or their values they can’t stand it because I am supposed to be lower on the spectrum, they shouldn’t be taking it from me.

I don’t have any intention of killing myself but I am allowed to be irrational and speak my mind, and I realize they come with consequences but if you actually understood mental illness and the true ugliness of why this shit happens, maybe more people would come forward about it. But even when discussing mental illness, the pretentious twats in the media love to pretend it comes in this nice little box with a bow attached to it and that is is so simple to understand and then when the real mental illness shows up, these people dismiss it and call you a conspiracy theorist or put you in the Alex Jones category.

It is scary because the very  people I am supposed to trust have used my mental illness against me like they learned from their master Howard Stern how to make them seem like they are concerned but their subtleties show they use it make you feel less than and since becoming more in tune with how they operate, they got me on different medication and have used it as ultimatums if I wanted to see others in my life, and it is basically a tool for them to kind of have their backhandedness out there while showing off their luxurious lifestyle while taking immense pleasure that they know I have earned that right, but because they control the finances I may have earned, that people on the internet tell me, when they point out I was Stern Show contributor, or that people make money off putting on live feeds on the dark web to watch me, it just drives me crazy and they are pushing me more and more to the edge. Even these blogs, they will monitor and read but will never disclose it because they have to act like they don’t do such things or dissect every tweet I send out in their private group chats.

I don’t want to harm myself or anyone but I am allowed to want someone to permanently end me. It is so selfish to keep me here when they know I don’t want to be here, but they will make the most of keeping me alive for this mental torture because everyone involved will use their power and try to get me to be radicalized and then even independent media types won’t ever cover it and downplay mental health issues and the causes because they don’t want to tread into the conspiracy waters and it is fucking pathetic how much they will just stand there idly by and not investigate anything that Stern may be guilty of, we don’t know right, but when something does happen to me, they will use it for their click bait videos and dissect it after the fact because all of them are money grubbing assholes who care about when it is convenient to get on the trend.

None of these conspiracy theorists have ever dissected Stern Show type of shit for some reason, when a lot of mysterious and strange thing have taken place with the characters involved but because these people are all subservient to the powers that be and people will never believe that Stern doesn’t hold any real power and will continue to say he is some irrelevant shock jock whose career is dying. It might be true that in the lexicon of pop culture he might not be a blimp on the radar as much as he used to be in his heyday but that doesn’t mean that these people don’t accumulate power behind the scenes, and that is why I hate this narrative that he used to keep it real back in the day, when a lot of what he did at his height was propaganda, but you see the limited narrative of these people presenting themselves as lame liberals, is meant to discredit liberals and make it seem like that conservative mindset is being the target of being censored. They are the biggest pussies yet always have their chests out when it comes to talking down to the marginalized people of the world and these dumb ass followers believe it. So designing yourself as a corporatist neoliberal makes people think that is what liberalism is, because you might speak about good things to an extent, but you are still advocating for what these extreme right wing types want, which is lip service to the military and the corrupted police departments and of course protecting Israel at all costs because if you dare bring in to question what shadiness they have been involved in/with then you are an anti Semite.

I am all over the map and I am even debating posting this up. So if you see it, I guess you got your answer, but most likely if this stays private, it will still be seen by the ones who monitor my computer and move my cursor whenever I write and they will keep it going further and further. No one in the media cares how my mental health is being targeted nonstop. They will keep pushing me until I completely go off the rails and one can argue I already have gone off the rails, depending by what standards you judge people on, because most of you are pretentious and will judge me while adding to the world of corruption and then they let people like yourselves raise kids in this world. I feel sorry for them because they might grow up to sociopathic like their parents.

I will always root for myself to be dead at any given time, but they won’t allow it. I will never fucking do it, as much as they continuously try to make me do it. They do it by proxy from other people who have shows online but now are scaling back from those shows and part of me wonders if that is legit or are they finding a new underground way to keep the heat off them and still act psychotic in private to fuck with me. They make fake accounts representing me, and it is not even in the name of parody account, legitimately trying to fool people. It will never stop. They don’t want me tweeting out shit either because they get triggered by what I am saying and I notice whenever I call out right wingers, local people, Stern trolls, this shit will happen and they are probably planning on fucking me over even more at some point.

At least there is documentation from the last decade out there that shows where my mind was in certain times in my life throughout the course of history and  I may be repetitive in most cases but it is constantly in my head and  doesn’t stop and I am imagining probable scenarios mixed with my painful past of not expressing my true emotions at certain time. It is dangerous to put this out there, because the vultures will use this and try to manipulate more but since I know these people exist and how they think and what kind of people the system recruits to do their bidding, it is easy for me to get an inkling of how these people think. I know they are desperate to get laid, and watch people nonstop, they have miserable marriages that they use t seem normal, they spend too much time in group chats because no one in their personal lives really have much respect for them and they have had to compromise themselves sexually and mentally and are basically blackmailed into doing this.

These people don’t care about anyone’s mental health and will continuously try to fuck with me because I am not snapping enough or doing enough periscopes because these people use it for their platforms for content to see what I am doing and the fact that I can kind of write out these thoughts it makes them even more nervous that I can half ass convey my message and not lose my mind completely because it still triggers them and their flaws. They will keep paying attention and bring me up on the surface once and a while but realize that anyone who has partook in this harassment and have profited off my misery I will always wish the worst for you and I never want to speak to any of you ever again, just like you don’t want to really speak to me. You invite me out to limited gatherings to help you and try to fool me by giving my information out so you can send things to my house or get me swatted, which is something they have done to others. It is fucking pathetic how these people can operate and they have been given permission do those kinds of things.