#He has to have some weakness as a firefighter right?

[softquietsteadylove]

The tiny cellar. The door slamming shut. The darkness. Gils claustrophobia. The DRAMA!

For the wildfire one please! ❤️

"Someone! Anyone, please!!"

Thena walked a little more briskly. It had reached her ears so quietly and muffled at first, but there was no mistaking it now. Someone needed help. "Hello?"

"Please, help me!"

She picked her pace up to a light jog, the scenery looking much more familiar now. She kept telling herself she wasn't coming back to Gil's cabin - again - she was just...in the area. Her perimeter routes had changed, that was all.

It wasn't that she missed the place, or the host.

"Someone!"

"Gil?" she called out, looking around for him. She couldn't figure out for the life of her where he was. She walked around the side of the cabin, but he wasn't by the wood pile, or chopping out front. He didn't seem to be inside, based on how she was hearing him.

"Please!"

"Gil, are you okay?!" she shouted back, her heart starting to beat faster. What the hell had happened to him? "Gil!"

"Help!!"

"Gilgamesh!" Thena ran around the other side of the house. There wasn't much over there except the storm cellar door and where the water connection was. He had showed her the water main so that she could help herself to the shower in case he was away and had shut it off.

The doors rattled, being pounded on from the inside.

"Please, please, please!"

"Gil!" Thena shouted back, rushing to pull them open. They weren't locked, but the wood had warped over the course of winter, and now were wedged together in just such a way that made them seem impossible to get open now that they were slotted together.

"Thena, please!"

She slammed her foot on one door and pulled on the other one, stumbling back as it finally cracked open. If she didn't know him so well, it might have been terrifying, seeing someone as large as Gil come tearing up and out of the cellar in that state.

"Thena!"

She tried not to fall over as Gil sank to his knees, wrapping his arms around her and pressing his face into her stomach. He was bawling like a baby, clearly having been hyperventilating in the cellar by himself. She huffed. "Gil."

"Thena, oh thank god, fuck, I-I thought-"

Thena tried a few times to try and pat his head - or something - without feeling weird about it. He was clinging to her like he'd faced down his worst nightmare, which perhaps he had. He wasn't being dramatic, or his big, sensitive self. He wasn't well. "It's okay, Gil."

He screamed into the material of her shirt, his whole body quaking. He was such a bear of a man but he truly seemed fragile, on the verge of crumbling. "I can't...I can't..."

Thena finally gave in, letting her hands fall over him as gently as she could manage. He flinched, and it only made her feel worse for him. But she rubbed his shoulder, ran her fingers through his hair. "I'm here, Gil. You're okay."

He took slower breaths, steadier with each slow inhale. He slowly sank lower until he couldn't even hold onto her anymore, seemingly ready to lie down on the forest floor.

"Gil, hey," she said gently, trying to have more than her usual charisma (lack thereof) with him. She knelt with him, holding his shoulders and making him look at her. "What happened?"

He groaned, his throat raw from screaming for however long he'd been in there. "I-I was checking on some stuff in the cellar. I always have the doors wide open, but they must have gotten blown over, or maybe something wandered by and closed them--I-I dunno."

"Okay," she nearly whispered, nodding and watching him closely. His eyes were bloodshot from crying, but his pupils were responsive. He was no longer gasping for air, his chest no longer heaving. She wouldn't be surprised if he was lightheaded. "It's over now."

He groaned again, rubbing his face. "Ugh, Thena...I'm sorry."

He was apologising?

"I didn't mean to freak out and," he blushed, typical Gil, "throw myself at you like that."

She tilted her head at him, and he looked truly ashamed and remorseful. "You never told me you're claustrophobic."

He shook his head, ruffling his own hair now. He looked like he'd been through hell. "Doesn't come up much, I guess. I don't exactly get put on cave duty that often."

Thena furrowed her brows. She would think that if his phobia was this severe that he wouldn't be put on cave search duty to begin with.

"Thanks for rescuing me," he smiled limply at her as she rocked back on her heels and flopped back on her butt across from him. "Sorry you had to come all this way to do it."

"I was," she shrugged, hoping she seemed casual, "passing by."

Whether he believed her or not, he chuckled and nodded, "well, you really saved me, so..."

Thena sighed, keeping an eye on him. It didn't feel right to just...leave him like this. She inhaled, poking him in the shoulder, "okay, hey, c'mon, get up."

He blinked at her as she pulled herself up and dusted off her grey jeans. "R-Right, you must have to-"

"Get inside, I'll make your disgusting leaf water for you." As soon as she said it she wondered if maybe she could see why she was known as a 'stone cold bitch' at the station.

Gil brightened like a dog being offered a treat. He looked up at her with those big brown eyes of his, "really?"

She turned away from him; he acted like she had asked him to marry her! All she offered was to make him some tea! "Today, Gilgamesh, before I change my mind!"

Maybe she could be a little nicer to the man whose life had flashed before his eyes in his own storm cellar.

But Gil picked himself up, hopping to fall in step beside her. He nudged her shoulder gently with his, "thanks."

She bit the inside of her cheek. He was making such a big deal about it. "Thank me if I make it right."

But even now, her growling did nothing to dissuade him from inviting her in. If anything, when she whipped the door open and stepped in ahead of him, he held the door open over her shoulder. Such a little gentleman (she rolled her eyes).

"Gil," she started while on her way to the kitchen.

"Yeah?" he asked, already kicking off his boots in favour of his sandals.

She lingered by the doorway between the kitchen and the main body of the cabin. "Next time you need something in that cellar...just call me."

"Huh?"

She resisted the urge to press her forehead to the fridge door, feeling her face growing warm. "Just wait for me and I'll do it for you! You don't have to go down there again, is what I'm saying."

She continued on her way, digging out the kind of tea that was his favourite. She didn't know what kind it was, but she supposed she had smelled worse teas. And she knew how to put the kettle on. Maybe she would make herself a single mug of instant coffee with the boiling water while she was here.

"Thanks, Thena."

He was probably smiling that dumb smile that was kind of endearing. And she refused to go out there if he was going to catch her looking flustered over it. He could wait for his stupid leaf water.

This was why she was off search and rescue. Saving just one person made it feel worthwhile to do it again and again.

[lemonlover1110]

𝐂𝐡𝐚𝐧𝐠𝐞𝐬

Satoru Gojo

[Chapter 19] Late Night Shenanigans

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Pairing: Satoru Gojo x f!Reader

Discord +18 - Twitter - Ko-Fi

“Satoru…” You look at him, and he looks back at you with the same confusion. Sayo takes the seat that’s next to Ren’s, leaving Satoru to take a seat next to you on the plane. He could sit literally anywhere else, but he won’t. There’s a lot to talk about anyway.

“Who are you?” Ren asks, his blue eyes wide as he looks at the pretty woman that sits next to him. Sayo smiles at him, unsure of how to introduce herself. She puts out her hand for Ren to shake.

“I’m Sayo. What’s your name, buddy?” She introduces herself, and you’re extremely confused with everything. Her reaction, or rather, lack thereof. Satoru never told you that she knew, but based on his reaction, he didn’t know that she knew either.

“I’m Ren.” He responds with a big smile on his face. He still doesn’t have an idea who Sayo is and why she’s here, but you two seem fine with it, so he’s fine with it. Perhaps she’s like Shoko, a friend of his mom’s.

“It’s so nice to meet you, Ren. I’m your dad’s friend.” Sayo answers, making you even more disoriented. Perhaps she doesn’t want Ren to ask too many questions about who she is, making Satoru’s job easier. Sayo’s eyes then fall on you, “Your son is so cute. He looks just like Satoru.”

“Uhm… Thank you.” You respond. How are you supposed to answer that? That’s Satoru’s wife, a woman who just found out that her husband has a son. Well apparently she didn’t just find out but anyway. There’s a lot of questions that you have to ask, but not in front of Ren.

“You know this is a business trip, right? You can’t–” Satoru begins, making Sayo roll her eyes. She knows this isn’t a business trip, she isn’t a dumbass.

“I’ll stay away, just want to enjoy the beach and relax. Away from everyone.” She says. She gets comfortable in her seat since it’s going to be a long flight.

Ren’s first flight goes smoothly, so much so that he swears he wants to grow up and be a pilot. You wonder how long it’ll last though since last week he wanted to be a firefighter. You managed to nap on the plane so you’re thankfully not too tired when you get to your destination– Plus you avoid the awkward situation that you were put in thanks to Sayo joining your trip.

“Woah!” Ren looks around amazed at the beach house when he steps inside. He’s been inside his grandma’s home many times but for some reason, the much smaller beach house impresses him more. Of course, it’s still pretty big, but nothing compared to Satoru’s childhood home. Satoru chuckles, holding Ren’s hand as Ren begins to look around the place. 

“The bedroom is over there, if you want to unpack and whatnot.” Sayo points to the door. “It’s the master bedroom though. I’m not sure of the arrangement you have with Satoru, but I’m sure he wants you to have the master bedroom.”

“Thank you.” Your voice is weak when you speak, embarrassed and awkward because of this situation. She begins to walk to the stairs but you call out her name before she can get too far, making her stop in her tracks. “Did he tell you?”

“He didn’t. But I have my ways of knowing.” She answers, and you begin to chew on the inside of your cheek since another question lingers in your mind. 

“Aren’t you upset?” You ask her, and a laugh escapes her lips. 

“I don’t care for Satoru as much as you think, honey. I’m surprised he hasn’t talked to you about our arrangement.” She says, which leaves you dumbfounded. You’re speechless, and after standing awkwardly for a minute or so, she decides to go upstairs. 

“Arrangement? What arrangement?” You whisper, walking over to the bedroom that’s on the first floor to unpack. You come to a stop when Ren calls out to you.

“Mommy! Did you see the view!” He yells, and you chuckle as he runs up to you. He’s dragging his father along with him. Ren grabs your hand, and leads the two of you to the big windows that give you a view of the beautiful beach. “Can we go now?”

“The sun is beginning to set, Ren. We can go really early tomorrow.” You say, watching as the sky turns a pinkish color. Ren doesn’t just want to walk along the shoreline, he wants to swim in the water and play in the sand, and it’s too late for that now. It doesn’t help that you’re tired. You know that tonight he’ll be so excited that he won’t be able to sleep, but that’ll make your job all that easier because at the end of the day, he’ll be falling asleep in your arms.

You watch as Satoru pouts as well, but he isn’t going to argue with your decision. Ren looks up at his dad, hopeful that Satoru will do something. But Satoru just ruffles Ren’s hair. Satoru then proceeds to ask, “What do you want for dinner, bud? We can eat whatever you want.”

“Is Sayo going to join us?” You ask, and Satoru shakes his head. His next words just confirm to you that their dynamic is… Weird enough for a husband and wife. Perhaps it should’ve come to your mind when you saw the man making sex eyes to his old secretary, and after he kissed you.

“I don’t want her to.”

Ren was given his own room to sleep in, yet, he chooses to sleep in your bed. You never knew that someone so small could take up so much space, but Ren always has you on the edge of the bed, about to fall off. It’s something that makes Satoru cracks up when he walks into the bedroom to find you nearly on the floor because Ren takes up so much space. He wonders how you’ve managed to fall asleep. Satoru picks up Ren from the bed, carrying him out.

“Daddy?” Ren slowly opens his eyes, feeling how he’s being carried out of bed. Ren wonders what’s happening since he sees it’s still dark out. He feels Satoru kiss his temple, as they walk outside.

“We’re going to the beach, baby.” Satoru answers. It’s very late so they won’t be able to do much, but Satoru wants to let Ren at least play in the sand a bit. He’s been thinking about Ren’s pouty face, disappointed that he had to wait the whole entire day. He doesn’t know why he’s been just thinking about how disappointed Ren was, and it was keeping him awake. “Just for a bit, okay? We’re spending the whole entire day tomorrow here, so I don’t want you to get tired of the beach.”

“I won’t get tired.” Ren reassures his father, making Satoru chuckle. They’re still not staying for too long, he doesn’t want you to wake up and find out that Satoru has taken Ren out. Satoru realizes he forgot to grab a pair of shoes for Ren before walking out but he’s not too worried. It’s just sand, the only worry about it is that it gets everywhere. Satoru crouches down, rolling up Ren’s long pajama pants before the little boy runs to the shore. 

“How’s the water? Is it cold?” Satoru asks as he takes off his own shoes to join his son. 

“It’s warm.” Ren answers, and Satoru quickly verifies it as his feet touch the water. He grabs Ren’s hand before he goes in too deep into the water. Ren ends up taking a seat on the water, and Satoru bites down his lip, running a hand through his hair. He did not expect the child to take a seat in the water and ruin his pajamas. There’s absolutely no way that they won’t get caught now.

Ren begins to splash the water, and Satoru isn’t as stressed. It’s worth it to see Ren happy like this. Plus, he can do just about anything with Ren, after all, Satoru is his father. Satoru smiles, sitting down on the water as well, joining his son. His pajama pants gets completely soaked but he doesn’t mind. Satoru smiles, seeing how much fun Ren is having, “Are you having fun, Ren?”

“Yeah!” He exclaims. And for some reason, as Satoru stares at Ren, it dawns on him that this is something he has longed for– Sure, he’s thought about it, but reality really sets in. This is what he has really wanted for so long, and he finally has it. From you nonetheless. 

A sudden happiness consumes him. He has been happy, he was the happiest he could be when he found out about his son but it just hits him how lucky he is. His little baby boy from the woman he’s loved the most. Satoru picks up Ren from the water, kissing his son’s cheeks then proceeding to kiss all over his face, holding him high as Satoru lays down, completely getting wet.

“Daddy!” Ren squeals, followed by a giggle. It’s the best sound in the world. He’s missed so many years of this but he tries not to think about it, he has time to make it up. Ren is not even five yet, he has a whole life ahead of him. A whole life where Satoru gets to love him.

Satoru puts him down on his chest, hugging him tightly. Satoru appreciates the moment, lifting his head a bit to look at his son’s white hair, and laying back down to look at the stars in the sky. He has the biggest grin on his face. When was the last time he was this happy?

“I love you, Ren.” Satoru says.

“I love you too.” Ren answers. Satoru relaxes with the sound of the waves as they hit the shore, his eyes slowly getting heavier and heavier. He guesses he should let Ren go because he isn’t doing anything while in Satoru’s arms, but Satoru notices that Ren has fallen asleep. 

A sheepish smile comes to his lips, kissing the top of Ren’s head before muttering, “My baby boy.”

Satoru stands up, and just as he turns to walk back to the house, he hears your voice. You’re still in your pajamas, a hand on your hip, shaking your head in disappointment. Satoru feels his face get hot as he walks over to you.

“Sorry, I–” He begins, but you cut him off. 

“There’s no need to apologize, Satoru. He’s your son too, you’ve allowed to do stuff with him.” You say, taking a seat on the sand. Satoru doesn’t know exactly what you’re doing, but he follows your lead. “I would’ve appreciated if you would’ve told me. I woke up a little scared when Ren wasn’t next to me.”

“I’m sorry.” Satoru chuckles. You look over at Ren, who sleeps soundly in his fathers arms. You see he’s wet, and you know he had the time of life. Satoru bites down on his lip before asking, “So… What are we doing now?”

“The sun is going to rise soon. It’s late– Or really early. Depends on how you look at it.” You answer. Satoru didn’t really look at the time when he got Ren, and he certainly lost track of time with Ren. “You can go back inside.”

“No, it’s fine. I want to watch the sunrise with you.” Satoru responds. You both sit in silence, watching the horizon for the first bit of sunlight to appear, but time seems to slow down. Both of your hearts beat fast, as if they were going to beat out of your chest.

“So… Sayo told me that you have an arrangement. Do you want to talk about it?” You speak up, the question bugging your mind. You’re not sure when you’ll have a moment where you’re semi-alone again.

“Not right now, really.” Satoru says, not wanting to ruin the moment now. He misses when the first bit of light graces the sky, his eyes focused on you. He knows he shouldn’t… But he leans in to press a kiss on your cheek, which catches you off guard since your eyes are elsewhere.

“What was that for?” You ask. You’re a little too happy about it, but you shouldn’t let it happen

“For our son.” 

“You have a wife, and even if you didn’t, our relationship has been long gone, Satoru.” You remind him.

“Just a thank you kiss, nothing else.”

[cosyvelvetorchid]

Fear. (Angsty plz😊)

I’ve combined two prompts here because they both played into an idea I had for a fic.

It’s a little more on the whump side than angsty but I hope you’ll both enjoy them anyway.

Thank you 🩶

****

They knew it would happen eventually. Statistically it was an inevitably. They were born firefighters - men whose purpose in life was to walk into danger to save others.

Every good firefighter has a healthy level of fear doing the job. A fearless firefighter is a dangerous firefighter. A firefighter with no fear doesn’t respect the danger they’re in and can make reckless decisions that put their lives, and others lives, at risk.

Though Tommy and Buck both had that healthy level of fear, they each knew that it was an inevitability that they both, at some point, would get injured. Which is why, when things began to get serious between them - which was quicker than either of them had expected, they’d made sure to have conversations about each of their wishes should something happen.

They made sure to prepare as much as they could for when something did happened to one of them.

However, they’d both assumed they’d get injured on the job.

They were wrong.

*

Athena raced down the street after the suspect vehicle. The car thief was weaving dangerously through traffic; near miss after near miss.

As the vehicle approached a cross section, Athena prayed he would slow down. But he didn’t. He drove through it full speed, T-boning another vehicle with such force it flipped multiple times before somehow landing upright 50 feet away.

Athena hit the brakes and jumped out of her car and ran towards the accident calling into her radio.

“Dispatch this is 727-L30. Suspect vehicle has crashed into another vehicle at the cross section of Main and 7th. We need R.A units this location. I’m approaching the suspect vehicle now.”

She drew her weapon, holding it pointed down as she stepped slowly toward the drivers side. Immediately she could tell that that the man’s injuries were severe. She reached through the open window and placed two fingers on three man’s neck.

“Dispatch, Suspect is deceased. I’m checking on the other vehicle occupants now.” She quickly ran to the other vehicle. Dents and scraps covered the entire car. The windshield and both driver and passenger windows so badly cracked that she couldn’t see through them. She tried to open the drivers door but the roof had bent in too much jamming it in place. She ran around to the passenger side and was able to open that door.

That’s when she saw the occupants of the car.

“Oh my god.”

For a second she was immobilised. How would she tell Bobby? Thankfully she was pulled out of her stupor by a woman running up to her.

“I’m a nurse.” She said.

“Can you get in the back and check the drivers pulse?” The woman ran around the car and thankfully was able to open the back drivers side door. Athena reached for man’s neck in front of her, praying she’d find a pulse. She blew out a breath when she felt it.

“I got a pulse! It’s strong.”

“This guy has a pulse but it’s really weak. He’s in really bad shape, sergeant.” The nurse called out.

“Help is on the way ma’am.” She lifted her radio up to her mouth.

“Dispatch this is 727-L30. Update on the vehicle collision on main and 7th.” She prayed that it wouldn’t be Maddie taking the call and was relieved to hear Josh’s voice.

“Go ahead.”

“We have 2 male occupants ages 33 and 40 with severe injuries… Josh is Maddie anywhere near you right now?”

“No, Sergeant she’s on her lunch break.”

“Good. The victims are.. Evan Buckley and Thomas Kinard.”

There was a beat before Josh responded.

“Copy that sergeant. Can you update on the status of the victims?”

“What’s your name?” She asked the nurse, who was behind Tommy seat with her hands stabilising his head.

“Sarah.”

“Okay Sarah, from what you can assess from where you are now how bad are their injuries?”

“This guys pulse is weak and getting weaker. He’s got lacerations to his face and arms from the glass, a probably broken nose form the air bag, and obvious dislocated right shoulder and I would hazard a guess at some serious internal bleeding from the steering wheel.” Sergeant if you could help stabilise this man’s head I can check the other guy out.” Athena nodded and took over holding Tommys head.

“This guy has the same cuts and the same probable broken nose, and judging by the lump and blood on the leg of his sweat pants im guessing compound fracture of his right leg.”

Athena relayed the information back to Josh and Sarah took over holding Tommys head still.

“Copy that sergeant. And I will inform the.. family member.”

She took out her phone, called the number and took a deep breath and she put the phone to her ear.

“Bobby?”

*

Maddie rushed into the waiting area to find Chim, Hen, Bobby, Eddie and Lucy as She immediately ran to Chim who embraced her in a hug.

“Where’s Jee?” He asked

“She with Mrs Lee. Do we know anything yet?” Tears were already filling her eyes threatening their escape.

“Vehicle thief drove through a cross section and t-boned them. We’re still waiting on an update.”

“What about the person that hit him?” She asked.

“Dead.” Athena’s voice came from behind. “Any news yet?”

Bobby shook his head. “Not yet.”

“Guys..” Lucy pointed to a doctor walking towards them.

“Evan Buckley?”

“That’s us.” Maddie walked over to him with everyone else coming behind.

“Are you family?

“Sister. How is he?” Her voice was trembling. She’d been in this position twice before (his injuries when he was younger not withstanding) and the third time is not any easier.

“Evan sustained a concussion, and the metal rod in his leg snapped and broke through the skin, which we need to go in and replace, probably tomorrow morning. He’s also got a small laceration on his forehead and some minor cuts and bruises.”

“So, he’s gonna be alright? Eddie asked.

“We’ll need to monitor his concussion, and barring any complications with the surgery, he should be able to go home in maybe a week.”

You could feel the tension in the room release a bit at hearing the doctor’s words. But they couldn’t relax just yet.

“Any news on Tommy? Uh, Thomas Kinard?” Lucy asked. “I’m emergency contact if Bu— Evan is unavailable.” The doctor’s face turned more serious.

“Thomas has more serious injuries. A large amount of internal bleeding and a dislocated shoulder are the biggest injures as well as a broken nose and also cuts and bruises. We’re closely monitoring his internal bleeding and we’ll likely have to go in with surgery to fix the bleeding later today.”

“Jesus.” Eddie said running his fingers through his hair.

“Can we see either of them?” Bobby asked.

“Evan can have one visitor at a time and be warned he’s on some heavy meds so if he’s awake he’ll be quite a bit sluggish.” The doctor informed them. “As far as Thomas goes at the moment he’s not up for visitors, right now. Tomorrow perhaps once we have a clearer picture of his health.”

“Doctor, does my brother know about Tommy?”

“Not as yet. He’s been pretty in and out of consciousness because of the meds. It’s probably best if you’re the one to tell him.”

“I will keep you updated on Thomas.” He said to Lucy.

“Thanks.”

“Would you like to see Evan first? I’ll take you too him.”

“Yes, please.” Maddie said and followed him down the corridor.

Maddie was immediately reminded of when his leg was crushed by the engine . Lying on the bed, bandaged up and half asleep. The difference this time is all the cuts and bruises decorated his body.

She pulled a chair over and sat down taking his hand. The sensation of which woke him.

“Tom… Tommy?”

“No, sweetie it’s Maddie.” She rubbed his hand.

“Where’s… Tommy?” His eyes were opening and closing heavily.

“Do you remember what happened?” She asked.

“Sort of… car acc-accident… leg hurts.”

“That’s right. You and Tommy were in a car accident. The metal rod in your leg snapped so the doctors need to go in and replace it.”

“Blood clots.”

“Don’t worry. The doctors are aware of the blood clots from your old screws. They’ll give you different ones.”

“S’good… where’s To-tommy? He turned his face to Maddie but he still couldn’t keep his eyes open for longer than 2 or 3 seconds at a time.

“Buck.. Uh, Tommy.. The doctors are taking really good care of him.” Was all she could think of saying to reassure him.

“How bad?” He mumbled.

“He’s going to be fine, Buck.” She told him but her tone of voice was far too high and Buck knew her well enough to know she was deflecting.

“Maddie.. truth.”

Maddie sighed. “He has pretty bad internal bleeding. They’re taking him to surgery later.”

Bucks heart rate monitor gave away his biggest fear and tears pooled in his eyes. “Can’t..lose him.. mad..”

“I know, I know.” She took his hand in both of hers. “But we’re going to stay positive and we’re going to believe that he is going to make it through, okay.”

*

“How is he?” Bobby asked Maddie

“Physically he’ll be fine, but he’s terrified he’s going to lose Tommy. The doctors won’t let him see him before either of them go in for their surgeries.”

“What? Why?” Eddie asked

“It’s his leg. They have to keep it stable until they can fix it - they can’t risk moving him.” She explained. Eddie nodded, understanding. Then an idea flashed across his mind.

“I’ll be right back.” He quickly walked away.

He knocked on Doctor Salazar’s door and waited to be told to come in.

“Mr Diaz. It’s nice to see you. How are you? No more panic attacks I hope?”

“Uh, no. No, I’m good, thanks. I’m not actually here for me - I have a favour to ask..”

*

“Is he ready?” Eddie asked Maddie on the phone.

“Yeah, but this has to be quick - he’s refused his pain meds so he’s not groggy so he’s in quite a bit of pain.”

“That’s fine Doctor Salazar only managed to get us 5 minutes anyway. Give the phone to Buck.” Maddie handed the phone to him. “Okay bud, I’m putting the phone to Tommys ear now, give me a sec.”

He propped his phone up as close as he could to Tommys ear.

“You’re good to go, Buck. I’ll come back in a couple of minutes.” He left to stand outside Bucks room.

“I’m gonna go get a coffee.” Maddie told Buck and left the room. Buck took a deep breath trying to push past the pain so he could speak.

“Hey, you. I hate that we have to talk over the phone but the doctors won’t let me come see you until they fix my leg. I wish I could be there holding your hand so you could feel me. You’re going into surgery in a few minutes and I just.. I need you to know that..” He sniffed and wiped his eyes “that-that.. the last 7 months with you have been the most incredible of my life. And I’m not ready to give any of that up. I love you so much, Tommy. More than I thought I could ever love a person. You.. you need to come back to me okay? Come back to all of us. You have a home, now. With all of us. With me, with Eddie and Christopher, with Chim and my sister and Jee, With Bobby and Athena, and Hen and Karen and Denny and Mara.. we all need you back here. So-so you get through this surgery, okay. Because I want us both to be there when we tell everyone we’re getting married. I love you sweetheart.” He hung the phone up

Maddie had arrived back and he waved through the window to her. Before she’d made it to his bed he was already breaking down. She leaned over and held him tightly.

“I can’t lose him, Maddie. I can’t.”

“I know, Buck. I know.”

*

3 days later Buck was sat in a wheelchair at Tommys bedside; the rod in his leg having been replaced. Tommy had come through his surgery and the doctors said this prognosis was good. But he still hasn’t woken up yet.

Buck had been insistent that Tommy not be left alone. If he wasn’t being ordered to his own room, he’d be there by Tommys bedside all day.

He’d spent most of the time just talking to Tommy. Updating him on his leg, telling him funny stories of the 118, trying to keep things positive. But the more time went on the more frustrated he was getting that Tommy hasn’t woken up.

“Come on, babe. You have to wake up. I miss you. Everyone mis-“ He felt a delicate squeeze of his hand. “Tommy?”

Tommy breathed heavy and a very light hum sound came from his mouth.

“Tommy, baby I’m here!” He squeezed his hand tight. Tommy swallowed and opened his mouth. It took his a few tries to find his voice.

“Ev..Evan”

“I’m here, baby. I’m here. God you scared me.” He admitted. “How are you feeling?”

“Ouch.” Was all he could muster. Buck let out a tear-filled chuckle as he felt a whoosh of relief flow through him. Tommy managed to open his eyes and turned his head to Buck, his brow furrowing as he saw his injuries.

“You okay? What.. happened?” He sluggishly reached out to touch Bucks face, gently caressing the cuts on his cheek.

“Car accident. Some guy hit us on the drive home from our weekend away. Docs had to replace the rod in my leg but I’m alright. I’ll be back to normal in a month or two.”

“Good.” Tommy said with a relieved sigh. “What about.. me?”

“Uh, you had some pretty serious internal bleeding. They managed to fix it, thankfully. You also dislocated your shoulder. And your face is pretty bruised up.”

“Still think.. I’m handsome?” He asked. Buck was relieved that he still had his sense of humour.

“If it wasn’t for my leg I’d be in that bed showing you how handsome you are.” He teased. Tommy tried to laugh and groaned at the pain. “Oh God I’m sorry. I’ll call a nurse and get you some pain meds.”

“No, wait a minute. I just want.. you for a minute.”

“I’m not going anywhere, babe.” Tommy held Bucks hand tight, his thumb caressed his fingers.

“Where’s your ring? He asked

“Hidden in my room.”

“Hidden?” He asked confused. “Why are.. you hiding it?”

“The docs took it off and I didn’t want to put it back on yet. Not until you’re better and we can tell everyone together.” He lifted Tommys hand up to kiss his knuckles.

“You.. don’t have to.. wait.”

“Yes I do. This is an important moment for both of us. So both of us should be part of it. It’s okay though, we have plenty of time. Just need you to get better first.” Tommy reached up again and cupped Bucks face.

“I can’t wait to marry you, Evan Buckley.”

“I can’t wait to marry you either.”

[embarrassingmf]

₊˚ෆ | night terrors | E.D

SUMMARY: Eddie comforts you after you have yet another night terror.

WORD COUNT: 573.

WARNINGS: not proofread, mention of death, angsty maybe??, use of Y/N (1x)

A/N: I loved this idea sm that I made it into a c.ai bot😭😭 this is also so short now that I’m kind of reading thru it, SORRY! :(

REQUEST: “ Eddie Diazx reader Y/n has a nightmare about Eddie dying and wakes up crying and Eddie comforts her.”

If you were being honest, you never thought you’d see yourself dating a firefighter — but Eddie was practically perfect in your eyes. With his brown eyes and oh so handsome face, it wasn’t hard to fall for him.

You were practically estatic when he asked you out, and everything went smooth sailing from there.

Christopher got along great with you, which was Eddie number one fear when he started seeing you.

And soon enough he asked you to move in with him.

Although, when you first moved in with Eddie, you started having very vivid nightmares.

Specifically ones where you’d dream of him dying while on a call. And every time you’d wake up with a gasp and tears already streaming down your face.

—————————————————————————

Although recently they seemed to stop, only popping up once in a blue moon. You were relieved, thinking that this nightmarish phase was finally over with.

Oh how you were wrong..

A few weeks after the dreams disappeared, you had a dream where Eddie perished on a call after the unstable framework of a burning house just collapsed on him.

And to make things worse, you also dreamed of Bobby and Buck coming by the house to tell you the bad news.

—————————————————————————

You woke up with a sharp gasp, already sat up in bed and tears stinging yours eyes. You looked over in Eddie’s direction, his back to you as he slept soundly.

Letting out a quiet sigh, you swung your legs over the side of the mattress and sneakily made your way to the bathroom.

You turned on the water and splashed your face a couple of times before drying your face off.

You placed your palms on the edge of the counter, knuckles turning white with your grip as you stared at yourself in the mirror.

There were dark bags starting to form under your face from the lack of sleep you were getting and you hated it.

With another sigh, you trudged back to bed and climbed under the covers.

Almost instantly, Eddie turned over and encircled your waist, pressing a chaste kiss to the area where your shoulder met your neck.

“You okay, baby? I heard you get up.” He mumbled tiredly, perching his chin on your shoulder as he pecked your cheek.

You nodded wordlessly, only letting out a weak ‘mhm’.

Eddie raised his head, looking a little concerned. “You had one of those dreams again, didn’t you?”

The only reply he got was a shaky exhale, and he gently grabbed your shoulder to turn you towards him — he noticed how your eyes seemed a little puffy with tears threatening to slip past.

“Oh, Y/N..” Eddie sighed in a quiet tone, gently guiding your head to rest on his chest and he started tracing comforting patterns on your back through your pajama shirt.

“It’s okay,” He assured, pressing a kiss to the crown of your head. “I’m not goin’ anywhere, promise.”

You took a deep, calming breath, nodding and letting out a sound of acknowledgment.

“You’re stuck with me for the rest of your life.” Eddie said with a smirk, trying to lighten your mood.

You laughed, shoulders shaking a bit against him. “I’m fine with that..” You hummed with a smile.

“That’s good to hear,” Eddie replied with a chuckle.

He took a breath before continuing, “Try to get some sleep, I’ll be right here if you need anything.”

—————————————————————————

feedback is appreciated!

[bougiebutchbinch]

God I'm such a sucker for dom/sub edizzy where Ed enjoys domming because he gets to come up with endless fun 'fuckeries' (or.... scenes), and Izzy enjoys subbing because he's fucking gaga for Ed in all his Whacky Weirdness (affectionate), and god DAMN, this stressed-out little chihuahua-man needs to turn his mind off and just exist.

But it gets stale, eventually.

Ed is the flavour of neurodivergent that needs endless variety, whereas Izzy is the flavour of neurodivergent where everything needs to be the same forever, please, or I will have a nervous breakdown. Plus, neither of them have any idea how to manage each other's emotional needs!

Ed topdrops HARD. He requires a lot more aftercare than Izzy, but Izzy is kinda awkward and embarrassed about giving it, and is definitely awkward and embarrassed about needing it himself.

It's like, the 1700s. Neither of them have read 'the new bottoming/topping book'.

So, obviously, things crumble.

To the point where one time, they're setting up a scene, just going through The Familiar Motions (which to Izzy are such a source of comfort, and to Ed a source of growing torment) when Ed reaches his emotional broiling point. He crumples to the floor in tears, tugging at his hair, tearfully confessing to Izzy that he can't do this, he can't, he can't -

Cue Izzy panicking, tied to the bed, halfway to subspace already, now jolted out of it and adrift in a tidal wave of brain chemicals, his only thought what the fuck did I do wrong? Is it me? Is he tired of me?

(because deep down, he's been afraid of that for some time)

But his captain obviously needs something. And Izzy's gonna try his best to give it.

He's tied up to all four bed posts. He can't move, can't fucking get to Ed to stroke his hair and kiss him and do all that other soft shit he should hate a whole lot more than he does. But he can flop back on the pillows, staring at the ceiling. Coralling his spiralling thoughts.

He has to hold it together, for his captain. Has to do this, for him.

"C'mere, Eddie," he says, but his voice is all broken and scratchy and weak, so he clears his throat, tries again. "Eddie. Here."

And Eddie, snivelling, underlip trembling, comes. All dressed up in his leathers, beard big, shoulders broad, looking the very part of Blackbeard. Except for his tear-filled brown eyes - which are looking at Izzy so fucking warily, like Ed expects him to give him a fucking scolding.

And - yeah, maybe if this had been in the middle of a firefight, Izzy would've. But it's not. it's just the two of them, together, and right now, hurting Eddie is the furthest thing from his mind.

"What d'you need?" he asks, all gruff. Tugging at the ropes, rough hemp chewing on the tender insides of his wrists.

Ed gives a petulant little shrug. Fucker. Izzy's not a mind reader; he can't just intuit...

But... maybe he can. Ed's shoulders are shrunken, his spine stooped. He looks like a wet fucking cat. Pathetic. Useless. All the things the great Blackbeard should never be.

But Blackbeard is a myth. Eddie's a man. And Izzy knows better than most, how men can act as one thing and deep down, be another.

He thinks of the moments when he feels so fucking small and useless and broken. How Ed makes him feel good... And, glancing at the persistent bulge in Eddie's tight leather pants - how neither of them have said the word they agreed on, that'd bring this whole farce to a close - Izzy knows just what to do.

He licks his dry lips. Either this works, or Blackbeard snaps and kills him. Luckily, Izzy's always liked the thought of dying at his captain's hand.

"Wanna be mine tonight, Eddie?" he asks.

Ed's eyes go wide. Then narrow. Whole fucking face journey, mashed into a couple seconds: surprise, anger, fear, relief. Izzy waits patiently for him to settle, gripping the ropes that hold him spread-eagled for his captain's attention. Heart fluttering in his chest like he's staring down an oncoming enemy battalion: outgunned, outmanned, but still hungry for the fight.

"C'mon then," he says, nodding to where, despite it all, he's still half-erect too, bare cock plump against his scarred thigh. "Up here, there's a good b-boy."

His voice almost breaks on the last word, every instinct screaming at him not to demean his captain in the way he likes to be demeaned. Ed's so much better than him, brighter and sharper and fucking brilliant; he's not so weak as to need this. Or at least, he shouldn't be. Right?

But it's hard to focus on that when Ed crawls over him, danger in every movement, sleek and lithe as a jaguar. Fucking beautiful.

Then he ducks his head to bury in Izzy's neck, over his swallow tattoo, and nods.

"Good boy, telling daddy what you want," Izzy whispers into his hair - the same words Ed was supposed to say to him, when all this was over. He feels his captain sigh against his swallow and go deliciously slack.

It ain't what Izzy likes, as a rule, but for Ed... for Ed, he'll do damn near anything.

...Then Izzy gives Ed a healing dommy sloppytoppy, all while still tied to the bed, Ed crying while he rides him into the mattress. They hug after and hold each other, but not for nearly as long as they should. And everything hurts like an infected wound, but they can't stop picking at this thing they call a relationship until it scars.

[mvltisstuff]

I had an idea for you... if it sparks inspiration...

I was thinking something with Jonah the crazy dude from season 5... maybe the reader has a really minor heart condition that doesn’t really cause any issues day to day but she gets attacked by Jonah instead of Chim and he almost can’t restart her heart. Buck and Eddie know something is wrong (maybe she was suppose to hang out with them but doesn’t show) so they have Athena track her phone and they all go save her and catch Jonah. She ends up in the hospital for a while because it causes some complications for her preexisting condition.

heart like yours - e.b

summary: request

evan buckley x reader

a/n: sorry if there is inaccurate information, but i’ll try my best :)

y/n could tell by the tightness and eerie sense in the air that something would go wrong. usually, you know when you’re doing the right thing, but something felt completely different. the darkness of the night filled her apartment as she stepped into the quiet room.

once the door was shut softly behind her, she turned around to put her jacket on the hook. it all happened so fast, the impact on her head and the quick face in front of her. the villainous eyes of her coworker and blonde swoops of his shirt hair. she didn’t even have time to process the attack. it was going to be a battle against him to get out of this situation, alone.

jonah is smart, too smart, almost. he knows exactly what buttons to press to cause a complete catastrophe. y/n is smarter, though. from the beginning she knew jonah had something off about him. hen and chim believed her, but she didn’t say anything to the others. buck hates when she puts herself in danger, despite her job being almost the exact definition. y/n did the research on jonah with the partners, finding more suspicious information on the man.

y/n had no idea about all the drugs that were being pumped through her. her unconscious body on the table almost made a smile creep up on jonah’s face. the sweet sight of revenge, but somehow still claims he’s a hero. her body was jumping back and forth from death, almost touching the line before she was pulled back. jonah tortured her with ease, confident in his abilities to bring her back. what jonah didn’t know, is that he’s nowhere near being able to save her.

everyday from when y/n was born, her parents always told her about how lucky she is. the minor condition in her heart had become nothing severe, placing her life in barely any risk. it could’ve been worse, taking her life or forcing her to deal with day-to-day challenges. instead, she got to pursue her dreams of being a firefighter with no heart condition to hold her back. she was hardly ever reminded of her condition, until jonah started to play with her heart like a toy. jonah thinks so fondly of himself. so fondly, that he was taken aback at the lack of beating from her heart.

he always restarts it. he’s almost always able to, and he figured she got herself into this mess. the continuous flatline shot through his ears, making the so-called “hero” panic. when he thought about it, he couldn’t save claudette. maybe y/n would just have to end up like her, too weak to save herself.

jonah thought he was safe, being able to clean up the mess he made. his intelligence clearly hit a maximum, not remembering that y/n has people waiting for her all the time.

buck and eddie had arranged for them all to hang out that night. y/n was so distracted with jonah and his antics, so she figured it would be nice to get out for a little bit. their shift times had been rearranged, ending y/n’s early and leaving her to deal with the mess. the moment y/n’s phone went straight to voicemail, buck knew something was wrong. she always lights up when he calls, being delighted to hear his voice especially when they haven’t been seeing each other. he brought his concerns to eddie, who maturely tried to ease his worries. eddie knows all too well how much buck is enamored with y/n. he loves her more than anything he’s every known, and he’s not afraid to show it. he doesn’t know what buck would do without her. so, when y/n declines both of their calls, they immediately turn to a worried stance and try to find her.

they pull up to her apartment, seeing her car and none of her things inside. they walk cautiously up to the door, buck praying that she just fell asleep and she would be alright. his heart thumped in his chest, and little did he know his girlfriends wasn’t. his blood ran cold when the door was cracked open, running up to her apartment and running inside. all of her items like her purse, her bags, had all been abandoned in their normal spots.

“buck?” eddie catches up. “is she…” he pauses, looking around to see no signs of one of his best friends. “here.”

buck still just looks around in a frantic search for y/n. “eddie, shes not here,” he knows he’s pointing out the obvious, but he knows shes in severe danger when the door was opened and all her stuff was around. his breathing starts to pick up, gathering y/n’s purse before stepping back under the doorframe.

“hey, man,” eddie tries to calm buck down despite his own anxieties. the whole apartment is filled with uncanny feeling, every movement just making the guys feel more freakish. “do you think she just went down to the front or something?”

“she wouldn’t leave her things here and that door is wide open,” buck says. “eddie, what if someone broke in and found her- i dont wan- i dont want to jump to anything but jonah’s been on top of her case lately and i can’t even thin-“

“buck, listen,” eddie tells him, placing his hands on his shoulders. “relax, we’re going to find her.”

“i know who we need,” the idea chimes in bucks head. “we need athena, eddie. she knows exactly how to find her.”

buck sped over like he was in his own cop car, athena luckily still being on duty when he pulled over. he rushed in, eddie trailing behind him scoping out the sergeant. when he finally landed his eyes on her, buck was jogging over to her and she could see the pure fright he had in his eyes. “buck? what is going on here?”

“y/n’s gone,” buck spits out, putting a shocked look on athena’s face. “she didn’t answer any calls, and her door was wide open when we got to her apartment. nothing else was missing though.”

“you didn’t try to contact her through anything else?”

“no, and her car was there too,” eddie adds, making athena sigh and look over to her fellows.

“im going to send people to her apartment, make sure she’s truly missing, and maybe they can find more there,” athena starts, automatically knowing how to deal with the situation. “you need to tell me anything you can, even if you think its small, it’s not.”

buck started by giving her phone number and any way that she could access any of the data in y/n’s phone. they took it over to the people trained to track them, and they found several different spots. “it looks like she stopped here,” the man working at the computer starts. “and then i just see that she went home. that was at 9:37, though. it still has to update.”

buck waited painfully for the software to download anything else, he knows she’s not at home safe, where she should be. when the screen blinked and flashed again, the little dot of her location had changed again. “this says, 9:52, she was at 152 canal at that time. sound familiar?”

“can you check someone elses address?” eddie asks, seeing bucks disoriented state of mind.

“we should, as long as they have it in the files.”

“jonah greenway, where does he live?”

athena steps away, accepting something through her radio. unfortunately, every word is staticky but heard by buck and eddie. “sergeant grant, we’ve found something swept under the kitchen island, it looked like the over of a syringe or something alone those lines.”

the red and blue lights shined over y/n’s body, causing jonah to freeze. he considered every option, running or just giving himself up. the thick knocks on the door yanked him from his thoughts. he was scared, but the major part of him thought he did the right thing. he wanted revenge, and that’s exactly what he got.

the mob of officers made their way into the home, pulling their weapons up to face jonah, who willingly put his hands in the air, dropping the paddles to the machine. they walked up briskly to him, grabbing his hands to put them behind him. the paramedics moved to y/n, prioritizing her illness and the danger she was in.

buck was physically held back by other officers, just wanting to run in and save y/n. he knew the night would be bad, but he never imagined that he’d lose her. when jonah walked out of the house, being held by two burly officers, the next events of the night unfolded. bobby stood over jonah, swinging a clean punch across his face. that became a blur, though, when the small wheels of the stretcher came into view.

her eyes were shut, her body was unnaturally relaxed. hen, chimney, and eddie all watched it unfold, looking at buck and his glossy eyes. bobby stood hand in hand with athena, who looked at the man completely in love with y/n crumple to pieces. buck didn’t bother to look back, he didn’t hesitate to climb into the ambulance.

he looked at her body, feeling nothing but guilt and horror. he couldn’t manage to say anything, even if she could hear him. she was already broken, and he felt like he would just make it worse. bucks been to hell and back, having to deal with extreme stress his whole life. nothing compares to watching y/n in this position, and he wishes he could trade places.

the grueling hours sitting next to her were almost unbearable. the agony of watching her body fight against her mind was something buck could barely take. his sister had arrived, hands on his shoulders and hugging him whilst he cries silently. the doctors and nurses came in and out, switching medications and checking her vitals.

it seemed like no one had an answer. an answer as to why this happened, or how it’ll be fixed. the only thing they could do is observe as bucks favorite person, and the teams closest friend, was in a questionable state. she was safe from jonah, but not from the recovery and wrath of what he’d done.

the doctors came in, trying to speak to buck but maddie was taking the information instead, buck being unable to handle it.

“we’ve tested the drugs in her system, and they match up with what we thought it was,” the doctor adds. “i have no problem believing that she’ll be alive, but we found some more complications the more we looked into it.”

buck looked up at that word, wondering what else could’ve happened. “complication? what complications?”

“she was born with a pre-existing heart condition. when mr. greenway pushed the drugs, and continued to bring her in and out of arrest, it caused the condition to be brought up as an issue.”

“but she’ll be ok, right?” maddie interrupts.

“she’ll be alright,” the doctor tells the siblings who looked back at y/n’s still body, her hand in bucks. “we’re going to have to keep a very close eye on her. she might be living with more day-to-day problems than before.”

bucks sighs, not wanting to hear anymore. he thinks about when she wakes up, how angry and upset she’ll be. nothing was her fault, but he knows how her mind works. if she never dug into jonah, none of this would’ve happened. her career and her life was at risk, and she doesn’t know how to live without working. so, he just waits. he contains himself, preparing to be a comfort for her as he tries to be patient for her to wake up.

when her tired eyes were finally opened, she smiled at the sight of him. buck exhaled in relief, finally being able to breathe when he saw her able to exist again. “i guess he really did it this time,” she mumbles out, putting a frown on bucks face.

“he’s gone, now,” he tries to make matters better, but it doesn’t really help. “but you’re awake, that’s the best thing that could happen right now.”

“what’s wrong?”

“what?” buck looks at her, confusion written on his face. “you- you almost died, y/n. you did, a few times pretty much! he tried to kill you.”

“but i’m okay now.”

“y/n,” he starts, looking sadly at her. “the amount of shit he put into you…” he pauses, trying to figure out how to tell her. “your condition, it’s more severe now.”

“what do you mean more severe?” her face has fallen again, the scared disposition returning.

“the doctor said it’ll start to appear more in your life as an issue. you’ll have more symptoms.” he notices the increasing anxiety in her eyes, feeling terrible that he had to tell this to her. “hey, listen,” he says when he notices her starting to spiral in her own head. “you’re alive. you’re safe now.”

“but what does this mean? what about work? i’ve been fine for all these years, my life can’t just change overnight,” she cries, feeling unexplainable emotion.

“we’ll figure it out, i promise,” he lifts her hand, planting his lips on it while trying to bring her back down. “you and me, no matter what.”

days turned into weeks in the hospital. the doctors were too unsure about her condition to send her home without being supervised. every day, she was sent in for tests and more blood was taken. it became a new, awful pattern of being stuck in the four walls of her hospital room. she tried to entertain herself alone, but she just wanted her man. the man who keeps her safe, the one who makes her happy. now, she was left with visits between shifts and texts and calls.

buck was there every day, eventually having to go back to work after a few weeks. he tried to be there for every treatment, trying to take off work to be there with her. she wanted to be at work with him, doing what she loved and saving people’s lives. buck reminds her every day about the people she saved from jonah. he’s there when she falls asleep, holding her hand and whispering sweet nothings to her as she drifts off.

she couldn’t do any of this without buck and even her team. every time they all came around to see her, the day became brighter and she felt better. she waited for the day she could leave and go back to her regular life, but having the love of her life next to her made it a little more tolerable.

[lunarw0rks]

Herhee idea. Medic!reader gets injured themselves and Valeria has to see it. Reader isn’t all that phased (could be serious or a mild inconvenience) but either way, it’s something worth looking at! However the reader is very self sacrificing and would rather help everyone before themselves. ,,,,

cw; canon-typical violence, blood/injury, hurt/comfort

ACHING | VALERIA GARZA

one of her safehouses got ambushed, and it's on you to play mob doctor. bullet wounds will draw police, and half her men have warrants, so an actual hospital is out of the question.

but you weren't on your way there. you were already there.

it was supposed to be a low-risk facility, and valeria would never bring you to a place with the stuff she smuggles. anything that jeopardizes your license or freedom—aside from aiding the cartel and being associated—is out of the question !!

the rivals got their vengeance twisted; focusing more on eliminating valeria, rather than stealing her product. all they knew, was she was at point A and they wanted her dead. even she would admit, the smarter move would've been to attack one of her less secure warehouses, steal her inventory, and make her lose profit.

however, they didn't — and she loved it. how quickly her men defended the facility, taking most of them down with ease. and most of all, keeping you from the spray of bullets and smoke bombs.

... until you got separated. all wasn't in order, not when you were out of her sight. they won the fight — but she didn't win her battle with keeping you secure.

in the middle of the firefight, she ordered you to find cover elsewhere, while she stayed with her men and fired rounds. she always gave you this look in the midst of action, or before a dangerous — a nod that said 'i'll see you soon, even if only in spirit'.

one of el sin nombre's second in command dragged you away, even though all you wanted to do was remain with her, no matter how foolish that was. the attack was so sudden; talking by the crates to explosions and smoke. if this was goodbye, you didn't want it to be like this.

a nod with softened eyes, right before she turned her head and shot a rival with precision. it felt indicative of your entire dynamic; warmth while snared in cruelty and bloodshed.

your last recollection was your cries to stay with her, being jostled and dragged to safety, and then a rumble. no — an explosion; another grenade plummeted at the building. they've gotten scarcer, and so have the gunshots, so the enemy must be outnumbered and weak.

coughing up smoke, you find yourself surrounded by dust and havoc. most of the bodies are enemies, while some are with el sin nombre, slumped against the wall with their weapons still white-knuckled. you find your footing with a groan, trying to muster the side of you that's seen it all. trained for blood and guts alike, assessing the situation and turning these men from soldiers to patients.

but valeria is all you can muster. where she is, if she's in the same state as the dead men you're staggering by.

¡encuéntralos a todos, soldados! ¡ahora!

you hear a familiar shout, her voice barking orders. frazzled, but not wincing through her words. she's alive. you relax your shoulders a bit, moving toward the sound. along the way, you retrieve your medical bag — luckily untouched by the carnage.

holding it up takes effort and strains your sore arms the longer you stagger, and you already suspect you pulled a few muscles in the struggle. finally, you reach the middle of the safehouse — burning crates and settling dust — but still sturdy enough to not be running into the desert.

a desperate hand wraps around your ankle, giving your pant leg a harsh tug. peering down, you see valeria's second in command, the one who minutes ago made your well-being priority. "ayúdame... please." he coughed, doing his best to crawl closer.

finally, the natural light hit him; a bullet wound through his thigh and slices along his abdomen — akin to the hundreds of knife fights you'd treated in the ER.

the muscle memory hijacked your state of shock, and you found yourself kneeling beside him, getting him propped against one of the large crates. your fingers moved fast, peeling off his vest and button-up to assess his injuries.

unzipping the duffel, you retrieve the supplies you'll need, beginning with a tourniquet for his thigh. he's lucky it didn't pass through an artery, but that doesn't diminish the risk of losing his leg. you wrap the tie around his thigh, shrugging off his instinctual squirms. with a pull, you begin to tighten it, instantly feeling a shooting pain through your arm.

not a pulled muscle, after all. most likely a hairline fracture — and of course, it had to be on the one limb you needed most right now; your hand.

you moaned in pain, drawing the attention of the remaining soldiers. and her, in the middle of looking for you in the rubble. your voice was unmistakable — even in agony.

"hey, hey!" a soft hand squeezed your arm, forcing you to stop and take your attention off the bleeding soldier. that voice, no longer barking orders, now soft in your ear. you turned your head, greeted with valeria's troubled expression.

relief washed over you, but that didn't mean the man was in any less pain. it was your nature and your sworn oath to treat and help patients, anywhere and everywhere. you reached for the turniquet again, only greeted with more shakes and pains.

her hand reached out, rosy fingernails taking the tie from your grip, tightening it around the screaming man's thigh for you. she'd also been trained for this, years ago, when she worked with los vaqueros. to her discontent, she'd seen and done the technique in action before.

somehow, completing it while you shuddered was harder. the affect you had on her never quite showed itself, until now, when it could've been too late for you two. but it wasn't, and that only fueled her vigor more.

once he was out of the woods, she pulled you into her chest, letting you choke on sobs and clench her as tightly as possible. "please, amor, let me help you. you're bleeding." she pointed to your forehead, and it was only then that you started feeling the sting of a cut.

along your temple and brow, dripping crimson down the curves of your face; a lucky piece of shrapnel was to blame. if it was inches closer to your eye, you would've been long dead.

it didn't matter — dead or not — you were all that mattered.

⋆꒷꒦‧₊˚ divider cred. - cafekitsune ˚₊‧꒦꒷⋆

[the-ace-with-spades]

Another unhinged buddie fic idea - amnesia Eddie at his best and dumbest

So Eddie gets hurt, hits his head, is unconscious for like two weeks and when he finally wakes up, he thinks it's 2018, he's almost finishing fire academy and his parents are still saying he should let them take Chris away permanently.

To say he panics is an understatement — his muscles are weak after the lack of stimuli but he still puts a fight with the nurse that's trying to take his blood pressure.

He keeps on asking about where he is and where is Chris, only gets a you're in Cedars Sinai MC in Los Angeles and doesn't take for answer anything that tells him to stay still or to be careful with the IV, until the nurse says, "Your partner is right outside, I'm sure he's arranged something for your son."

He freezes. "My partner? I don't have a partner. Who is taking care of my kid?"

The nurse's face changes and there are suddenly more and more questions about what he remembers last, what year he thinks is, and does he remember his partner's name. He tells her - he fell asleep in his bed, 2018, he doesn't have a partner because he's been separated from his wife for a few years now.

Apparently, the year is 2023, he was on a call with his fire crew and got hurt, his partner is definitely his partner because he's his power of attorney, next of kin, and has been taking care of his kid.

So the nurse leaves to talk to the doctor and his partner who is still outside, with said doctor.

(Eddie doesn't know that but the nurse was either absolutely sure this is what Buck is because there are assumptions and there are legal medical documents or she is sure this is the mythical firefighters' bond and they're just very close work partners - your pick. Either way, Eddie thinks she means romantic life partner.)

Meanwhile, Eddie goes through all stages of grief because his apparent partner he acquired in the past five years is a he and apparently such a sure thing he's in all of Eddie's medical documents.

A guy. What kind of a guy he would have to be for Eddie to choose him as his partner?

Then the nurse comes back with a very tall, very handsome guy built like a brick wall but also making a face that makes him look like an eager but sad golden retriever and—

Oh. That explains some stuff. If just looking at him makes Eddie feel like it, then he can't even phantom what being with him feels like.

The guy stops mid-room, not going for a hug like Eddie expected him to. "Heard you don't remember me."

And he sounds so sad that Eddie reaches his hand out and the guy — his partner — is instantly at his side, gripping his hand, and Eddie doesn't let him go until he gets the point and pulls a chair closer and sits with him.

"I don't. So a name would be nice."

"Buck. Well, Evan Buckley, but everyone calls me Buck."

And like, Eddie's never been big for pet names but even in this short moment Buck seems so bright he wants to call him mi sol. "I call you Buck?"

Buck chuckles. "Yeah, you call me Buck. Unless you're really serious, then you call me, you call me Evan."

"Evan," he tests out. "Sounds like you're in trouble."

And Buck smiles at him so softly Eddie is melting in that bed, warmth hitting him where he's still holding Buck's hand hostage and traveling up. "Not to me."

Bobby, who is apparently their captain — even though Eddie has a feeling like he's talking to his in-laws again the whole time he is there — brings Chris to the hospital and he's so big, already eleven, and so sassy with Eddie.

He's also very, very familiar with Buck, which calms him down - he talks about the funny sandwich cutters Buck's been using the whole time Eddie was in the hospital to cheer him up and tentatively admits how they slept in the same bed the first week because Chris had nightmares.

And even though his dad landed in the hospital — again, apparently? — Chris seems very, well, very well-adjusted to the situation at hand, even if Eddie can see he's being a bit clingy with both Eddie and Buck. Like the adults in his life are doing a good job at shielding him.

Buck is the one who has all the hard conversations with him, about Shanon, about his parents, about his abuela moving to Texas because of a whole pandemic, about the accident he had at work, and what will happen once he leaves the hospital.

It's really reassuring, that it's Buck telling him all that.

If he had any doubts about Buck being a very, very good and very, very close partner, all of it disappears when they go back home from the hospital.

His whole house has signs of Buck living their best lives in there — there are photos, cookbooks, cooking utensils Eddie doesn't even know the names of, Buck's clothes mixed in his wardrobe, cards from Chris for the both of them. It's very clear Buck is not only a big part of their life but also lives with them full-time, too.

He knows where everything in the kitchen is — "I have a system, Eddie" — and he knows where all Eddie's insurance paperwork is, knows the PINs to his phone, his cards and accounts, he knows all about Chris' medical needs. He knows how Eddie likes his coffee, how Chirs likes his toasts, which shaving cream Eddie likes, which toothbrush is Eddie's, which pair of shoes Eddie's only bought because they were on discount and never worn, which of Christopher's notebooks is the one for math.

He doesn't remember the past five years but he can't imagine not having Buck as his partner. Knowing he is there doesn't make him anxious like he thought it would — it makes him calm, settled.

So he's offended when the first night comes and Buck tries to bring spare blankets onto their couch. He wants him in their bed.

He gets that Buck is trying to give him space since Eddie doesn't really remember all the years they've been together, but that's a bit much. They're partners, and pretty solid ones at that, not just a new couple figuring stuff out, they must have slept together a million times.

So Eddie tells him to go off the couch and sleep in bed with him. It takes some convincing but eventually, Buck agrees. They lie down, Buck is being unnecessarily awkward, turning his back on Eddie in the dark. Eddie is not having this — turns towards him and spoons him, holding him in his arms. He's pretty sure Eddie getting hurt and forgetting five years is stressful on Buck, too, even if he doesn't show it. He deserves the comfort of his partner, even if said partner doesn't remember all of their life together.

It happens again the night after, and the night after that, until Buck stops tensing up whenever Eddie wraps his arms around him.

Because Eddie was unconscious for so long, he still needs PT, and Buck somehow manages to arrange that Eddie's and Chris' PT is at the same time and Buck oscillates between staying with either of them for the duration. There's one time when the receptionist at the therapy center asks him why he comes in so often when he looks fine — she's flirting with him, Eddie knows, which makes him glare at her, and Buck just tells her, "I'm just the chauffer for my boys." And Eddie calms down.

They assessed him at the hospital and he's supposed to have someone's handheld assistance or use a stick or a frame when he walks, until the PT gets his legs to the state from before. Using either the stick or the frame makes him feel like an old man, and the feeling doubles when Buck, the hunk of a man that he is, is nearby, so he refuses to use it when Buck is around. Which ends with Buck helping him around by placing an arm around his back and holding his hand with the other whenever Eddie needs to move.

Which is an absolutely amazing feeling because Buck is both the gentlest of giants, always knowing when Eddie needs reassurance and so freaking fit and big, Eddie can just rest against his chest whenever he feels wobbly or needs comfort from the embarrassment. It's a very contrasting feeling because it makes Eddie want to be held and pecked all over his face and thrown into the wall to make out.

Eddie's physical fitness improves and he misses Buck's touch the second his therapist says he can start moving without assistance.

That's the only problem Eddie has — Buck refuses to touch him. Again, he knows it's a bit weird with Eddie not remembering. At first, he thought it was just Buck giving him the lead on how much he wants them to do but then Buck keeps on ducking out any time Eddie initiates something.

He goes in for a kiss when Buck is drinking coffee and he dodges, standing up before Eddie can try again. Eddie gives Chris a kiss goodbye and goes to give Buck one, where he's standing next to their kid, and Buck skips out the door, telling him he's going to start the AC in the car. He tries to curl up against his side on the couch and Buck gets up with an excuse of making popcorn or tea or anything else possible. When Eddie slips into the shower while Buck is brushing his teeth, he leaves the bathroom with the toothbrush still in hand. Buck pretends to be asleep when he kisses his neck and swats Eddie's hands off when he moves them under his t-shirt when they're spooning, always calls out Eddie in the dark, like he isn't sure Eddie is comprehending what he's doing.

(Buck is pretty sure Eddie is trying to kill him — just make him have a heart attack or something — even if not deliberately. He isn't suspecting a thing about Eddie's partners assumption.)

It's like Eddie has a partner that loves him but without the bits that are funny. Like, he thought life-affirming sex is a thing and he is cleared for physical activity now and still out of work and going stir-crazy.

He doesn't get it and he can't talk about this with Buck because it almost feels like Buck is rejecting him, every time he ducks away from Eddie's affection or doesn't reciprocate it.

"Buck is—He loves me, right? He hasn't stopped after the accident, he's—He finds me attractive, he wants me, right?"

(Hen, sweet Hen, thinks he figured out Buck is in love with him now that he has a bit of an outsider perspective, and mutters, "Oh boy," cursing in her head because it's too early for this conversation. She isn't even suspecting Eddie heard partners once and ran wild with it.)

"I don't see where you're going with this," Hen says diplomatically.

"It's just, he's not doing anything about it," he explains. "It feels like he's barely touching me."

Hen is freaking out because of all times, Eddie had to realize now—"Do you... want him to touch you?"

"Have you seen him?" Eddie asks and then frowns. "Oh, right, playing for a different team."

"You just had a brain injury," she points out, hoping Eddie will find his brain somewhere, actually, and think.

"It's been almost two months, the doctors say I'm fine, memories aside," he says stubbornly.

"Eddie, I don't think Buck is going to make any first moves when you don't remember the past five years you guys—" She needs to change the track because she's saying too much. "Why don't you just talk to him about it?"

"And say what? Please bend me over our kitchen table? Please shower with me? Please give me kisses goodbye? Please hold me at night?"

"You probably should start with something more...tame," Hen suggests.

He's tried tame — he's tried initiating kisses and hugs and Buck doesn't respond. It's like he is afraid to touch him and Eddie isn't made of glass.

He needs to do something drastic.

So at night, he waits for Buck to come to bed, lights dimmed, and when Buck pulls the covers away to slide into bed with him, Eddie is naked — he can't be more blunt, if this flies over Buck's head, he'll be worried.

"Oh my god," Buck keeps on repeating, not looking at Eddie, blindly trying to put the covers over Eddie.

"Oh, come on, I can't be more obvious," he complains. "Why can't you just touch me, Evan?"

He's taking deep breaths, not looking at Eddie at all and this is the opposite of what he aimed for. "You don't want me, Eddie, you don't even know me."

"I definitely want you," he protests, irritated. He knows what he wants, it's Buck who's been missing the signals right and left. "And I know you, you're my partner, my Buck—I know you want this, too."

It's the truth — when he thinks Eddie can't notice, he looks at him like Eddie is everything he could ask for. He wants him to look at him like that now, too. He knows Buck, even if memories aren't there.

"We're not doing anything until you get your memories back and you actually know who I am."

"What if I never get my memories back?"

Buck doesn't reply and for a second Eddie think he got him, but then Buck stands up from the bed and says, "I think I should move out."

"What?" Eddie protests because that's definitely not what he was aiming for. Buck's place is with them, even if things in their relationship are a bit dry or stilled. "And where exactly would you go?"

"I do actually have my own place, you know?"

And how Eddie was supposed to know? He lives with them. He should not have a back-up place to go.

"I think I'm sending you mixed signals and you obviously don't remember enough to interpret them with clarity in your head," he tells Eddie and leaves.

He actually leaves the house, too, no matter how much he's asking to just sit down and listen to him. He spends the night trashing from side to side, expecting Buck to be back any moment but never getting him back.

(Meanwhile, Buck doesn't go to the loft because everything is dusty in there since he's moved into Eddie's place when he had to take care of Chris when he was still unconscious. Instead, he goes to Maddie's and complains to her over a glass of wine, aiming to stay on her couch overnight. "You didn't see him, Maddie, he was just lying there like a starfish, completely naked, going all, now you can touch me all you want—" and Chim wakes up Jee with how hard he drops the pans he was pretending to clean while eavesdropping.)

Buck comes back in the morning to take Chris to school — he doesn't offer Eddie to take him together and they don't talk at all.

Eddie needs to talk to someone about this because he might have somehow ruined the relationship with the man he's pretty sure he'd like to marry one day. By wanting him to touch him, of all things. But everyone is at work.

Pepa is retired, though. The problem is, Eddie isn't about to tell her Buck had threatened to move out because Eddie wanted him to fuck him.

So he asks the more appropriate question, "Why are we not married yet, actually?"

Maybe if they were married, Buck wouldn't have some secret place to escape. Maybe he'd feel like he can touch Eddie because Eddie is his on paper, too.

Pepa gives him a look that says he's crazy. "Who?"

"Buck and I, obviously." Forget crazy, Pepa stares at him like he's insane. "What? Does Buck—not want to get married? Did I say anything about this to you?"

"Mijo," she says, sounding like it pains her to do so. "You and Buck are not—you're not together, Eddie."

Eddie laughs because that's—that's not possible, they're partners, Buck's been taking care of him and Chris since Eddie woke up, and long, long before that even if Eddie doesn't remember it. He's Eddie's power of attorney and next of kin and he's in Eddie's will, he's all but a step away from adopting Chris, knows all of Chris' and Eddie's medical history, their allergies, their likes and dislikes. He's Eddie's partner.

Pepa is not laughing, just looking at him with that pitying expression on her face,

"But—he loves me, he loves Chris, he loves us," he says dumbly.

"Believe me, I know, we all know," she says. "We've tried stirring you in the right way but you're very stubborn, mijo."

[ifitmeanslosingyouthenno]

is it heaven up there? (it's hell down here)

day 25 whumptober prompt: surgery | “it’s for your own good”

day 26 whumptober prompt: nightmares

it takes 3 hours and 16 minutes for the firefighters to put out the fire, remove the debris on top of fox tower enough to start pulling bodies

it takes another hour and 36 minutes for them to find neil

for them to take his body out of rubble, barely breathing, eyelids fluttering from where andrew sees him

he's too far away for andrew to check the damage, but his left arm is covered in soot and blood and blisters and

they won't let andrew near him, even if he struggles against the hands and the bodies

“sir it's dangerous for you to be hanging around here, i need to ask you to step away”

he hates talking to pigs, so he directs his focus to the firefighter

“i have to be there with him”

the firefighter looks towards neil following andrew’s gaze, “the redhead? do you know him?”

he grits his teeth so hard they feel like they're going to shatter

“his name is neil, he's my boyfriend”

her gaze softens, looking back at where the paramedics frantically check neil's eyes with a phone lamp, then back at the cops beside her, and finally back to andrew

“okay fine, i heard he's in pretty bad shape, you can ride with him on the ambulance”

he doesn't wait for any more acknowledgement, shrugging off the hands and the memories and the panic trying to drown him 

neil fucking needs him

when he reaches him, he understands why the firefighter let him close 

neil is covered in burns, every skin surface that meets andrew's eyes peeling and blistering and raw and red– 

his left leg is fucking mangled, a mess of torn skin and live muscle and–

andrew can see his fucking bone

the worst part is that his eyes are struggling to remain open

neil is awake 

there’s a collar around his throat, keeping him from moving, and he’s making these horrible fucking sounds and he’s fucking panicking but he’s restrained and

“sir, sir are you his family? can you tell me his name?”

neil doesn’t speak, just lets out weak wheezes and whines and they’re shoving an oxygen mask on his face

don’t touch him, he wants to tell them, to scream to yell to cry, don’t fucking touch my neil

but he knows they only want to help, knows they are there to help

his skin crawls as if it’s him on that stretcher with strangers touching him

“his name is neil josten, and everyone in his biological family is dead, i’m his boyfriend, i’m the closest thing he has to a family”

for some reason that makes the paramedic talking to him falter for a second, but he shakes it off quickly, “right, well, we’re going to need you to come with us to the hospital then, he’s going to need emergency surgery and he’s going to need someone to be there for him”

he watches as they roll neil a mumbling neil into the ambulance numbly, and hops inside without a second thought, watches as the paramedic shuts the door and hops on the drivers seat, taking off and turning the siren on at once

hospital

emergency surgery 

someone to be there for him

wait

andrew’s in too deep for this

the other foxes were waiting with him

shit–

“his poa is our coach”

they’re hooking neil up to a bunch of different wires and monitors and things aaron would understand so much better than him, and the paramedic just hums in question, but turns to look at andrew in question

andrew hates repeating himself

“his power of attorney is our coach, we left him at the building”

the paramedic mutters under her breath, just putting something on neil’s finger before 

“let him know to rush to the hospital right now, we need him there”

andrew’s hands tremble too much for him to text wymack, so he presses the call button instead

“andrew? when the fuck did you leave? how is neil?”

he wants this to be a nightmare, wants to wake up and find neil wrapped up in his arms, safe and sound in their dorm at fox tower and everything is fine, they’re fine, neil is fine

he can’t fucking speak

“kid, put him on speaker”

the paramedic must see the panic on his eyes, and normally he’d hate to follow orders but now he’s frozen

god he’s fucking terrified

he puts the phone on speaker to the sound of wymack repeating his name

“hi, this is paramedic martinez, i’m on the ambulance with neil josten and i need you to get to redding center right now, he’s going to need extensive care and most likely surgery and um, your guy here says you’re mr. josten’s poa, so we’re going to need you there”

“i’ll be right there, andrew, don’t hang up, tell me how things are looking”

andrew can’t answer him, god he can’t fucking breathe, he can’t fucking do this, not again, he can’t–

“andrew is busy holding neil’s hand right now,” the angel that is the paramedic says, giving andrew a sharp look, and despite his skin burning, he holds onto neil’s hand, “but i can catch you up, we’re looking at a possible ruptured lung, rib fractures, internal injuries to his abdomen because there’s free fluid in there, a pretty bad and exposed leg fracture, and we have high suspicions of spinal injury, but we can’t be sure just yet, we just know that he will need emergency surgery and scans and we need you there”

“okay, okay, i’m going to be there as fast as i can, andrew make sure that idiot makes it, okay? make sure you both do”

he doesn’t reply, just hangs up to the pitiful stare of paramedic martinez

he wants to wake up, he wants to wake up, he wants to wake up

he hears spluttering, and his head snaps to neil, fumbling and struggling to take the oxygen mask off his face

“shit, no, hey it’s okay, don’t take that off, it’s okay”

neil’s eyes are wide open and they’re staring right at andrew, eyes teary and desperate and pained and

“drew, drew,” he’s panting, and andrew can’t fucking breathe, “i don’, don’ wan’ surg’ry”

“neil, neil i need you to calm down okay, we need to have the doctors check you out so they know the best way to help you” 

there are tears rolling down neil’s eyes

he never takes his gaze away from andrew

“don’– don’ let them, drew– don’ let them do this”

andrew’s chest is caving in on itself

he wraps his hand tighter around neil’s, and there’s a burning behind his eyes

his lungs are burning

neil has burnt

“it’s for your own good,” he says weakly around the knot in his throat

neil lets out a painful sob, squeezing his eyes closed as tears keep spilling down the sides of his cheeks

andrew wants to wake up from this nightmare, he can’t fucking do this 

he needs this to be a nightmare

he wants to wake up 

[peppermintquartz]

Eddie arrives earlier now and leaves later for his shifts, and he is focused at work. He doesn't smile as often, but he does smile - usually at Buck explaining something he's recently found out - and he still teases his colleagues, he's still focused, he's still working together with Buck to protect Chimney, Hen and Ravi from Gerrard as much as possible.

(Ostensibly, they're not on Gerrard's hit list: Gerrard doesn't know them well enough to try to target their weaknesses. Buck has even brought out the clipboard, except it's now wielded as a shield: the two of them triple check everything to make sure that no fault can be found.)

It's Hen who first notices the thousand-yard stare when Eddie's alone at the weight bench or when he's seated at the table. Like he's waiting for something that he can't name. She's seen that look before, in the mirror, when she was much younger and the future seemed to run right into a wall. She's felt it recently too, when she and Karen return home and they're in bed and the lights are out, and the emptiness spills out in an aching silence. (Karen tries, how she tries, but it isn't her and her decisions that led to Mara being taken from them.) She shares some of her pain with Eddie, and he shares a little of his, and they find time to have brunch or lunch together on their days off.

Chimney isn't the most perceptive regarding Eddie, but after seeing Hen reach out, he also makes the effort to invite Eddie over for meals more often. It's easy to cook for one more hungry firefighter, and Eddie likes teaching Jee some basic Spanish. Sometimes they play ball at the station before their shift begins, and Chimney sees how it helps Eddie to lose the tension in his shoulders to have that time to unwind. If it keeps Eddie from getting stuck in his head, that's good for the team. Chimney tries really hard not to be too obvious about his checking in, but Eddie pats his shoulder one day and says that he'll take care of himself, he has a duty to stay safe.

Maddie has a way of getting Eddie to open up about Christopher whenever they play with Jee, while Chimney manages the older kids. One time Eddie accepts the offer to sleep over, and even told a bedtime story to Jee in Spanish. Later that night, Maddie and Chimney listened to Eddie talk about reading to Chris, how the best sound in the world was Chris' laughter. Maddie held his hand and squeezed his fingers, and told him that it would be very good of him to let his son know all of that in a written letter, so that Chris would be able to keep Eddie's words with him in a physical form, that even apart, the love could still be felt.

Buck and Tommy do their best to include him. In fact, they gang up on him: if Tommy's available for basketball or muay thai or karaoke night, he grabs Eddie along; if Tommy's working but both Buck and Eddie are free, Buck enlists Eddie's help in furniture shopping or recipe tasting. They even start a movie night thing at Eddie's place. They show up with beer and snacks, and they have a jar with a selection of titles to pick from that they each contribute to. Eddie puts his foot down on them cuddling on his couch, however.

Bobby visits Eddie, a couple of times, "just to catch up on news". He asks about the prayer book, and guides Eddie through a couple of devotionals that helped Bobby through his darkest patch. "I'm not saying that you must return to practicing religion," he tells Eddie sincerely, because he wants this promising young man to keep out of the mire, to become a light for others. "But you and I know that sometimes, when we're stuck at the very lowest, it takes a bit of faith to begin climbing out again."

"A bit of faith?"

"A bit, as small as a mustard seed."

[typicalopposite]

Part 4 of Tommy’s angsty backstory

Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3

TRIGGER WARNING: homophobia, language, homophobic slurs, violence, mild pushy behavior (forced kissing), threats, internalizing homophobia

Tommy’s stomach is in knots; has been since he walked into the station.

Gerrard doesn’t say anything.

Calls come in, the team goes out, the day carries on like normal… Mostly like normal… Gerrard doesn’t say anything, but he also doesn’t speak to Tommy. Hell he barely even looks at Tommy. At a fire when he had to help Tommy lift some fallen debris to free the trapped people inside, Tommy thanks him… he grunts and walks away.

Tommy’s stomach knots more. Gerrard knows.

Tommy is the first to sit down to eat. He hopes if he eats fast enough he can finish and leave the table before anyone else arrives. “T-Bone!” Sal calls from halfway up the stairs, ruining that hope.

“Hey,” Tommy says, annoyed with how weak an pathetic his voice sounds.

“Barely seen you all shift,” Sal says as he rummages through the fridge. “If I didn’t know any better… I’d say you were avoiding me.”

“Oh? I- I wasn’t.” He was.

The sound of someone new on the stairs echoes out into the open station. Tommy knows who it is without even seeing him. The heavy footed, slow drag of boots from step to step; he walks with a mission, like a hunter stalking his prey. Tommy does a quick glance up at him and his face is hard as stone. Frown pulling all the way down, eyes dark and hate-filled… directed right at Tommy.

Gerrard says nothing. He says nothing as he goes to the fridge, pulls out some Tupperware he brought from home. He says nothing as he heats the food up and stirs it with a throw away fork. He says nothing all the way until he drops the plastic container on the table right next to Tommy; it takes every ounce of restraint he has not to flinch at the sound. Gerrard pulls the seat beside Tommy out, further away from him than needed to be able to sit, before he finally does sit down.

“Have you boys heard about the new recruit they have over at the 115?” Gerrard asks, his voice thick with an edge to it Tommy can’t explain but, he’s preparing to use it to slice into something, someone… Tommy.

“I haven’t,” Sal says. He makes eye contact with Tommy, lifting his brows questioningly for his response.

“Uh- no. No I haven’t either, cap.”

A twitch at the corners of Gerrard’s mouth, like he almost smirks, but stops himself. “Seems they got themselves one of them queers,” he says, dragging out the word and enunciation each letter with a rise and fall of his voice. It doesn’t help he takes his hand and lets it fall at the wrist, wiggling his fingers. It makes Tommy feel sick. “Their poor captain said he had no choice, equal opportunity and all that bullshit.”

Sal scoffs — he actually sounds disgusted — next to him, and sure, Tommy never expected Sal to be an ally. But Sal was his friend. So it stung to know that is only going to last as long as he carries out this charade of who he is. “I wonder how equal he’s feeling now… probably was expecting a nice little welcome party.”

“A nice little ass beating is all he would have got here,” another firefighter says with a laugh from over on the couch. “Right cap.”

“You’re damn right,” Gerrard spits, and Tommy can feel the beady eyes boring into him, he keeps his own on his half eaten plate of food. “Worse if I knew we’d get away with it.”

Sal scoffs again, takes a bite of his food. “Whoa now, he might be into that.”

“It’s disappointing how soft this country has become,” Gerrard continues. “Forcing us to share a work space with them.” His eyes never break from Tommy as he says: “Tell me Sal, how would you feel having a fag working with you? Watching you in the showers?”

Tommy’s stomach drops; Gerrard’s eyes narrows into sharp slits, he resembles a snake.

“If he wanted to keep his eyes he’d better be looking the other way.”

“I’m telling you boys, I won’t tolerate the integrity of this station being muddied by some cock loving pansy ass faggot,” Gerrard hits the table with his fist at each word. His veins beginning to pop in his neck. “I wouldn’t stop until I found a way to get rid of the abomination, mark my words.”

“And we would all be right there with you, Cap; right T?”

Tommy feels Sal bump shoulders with him; it feels like he’s been sucker punched instead; he knows he needs to speak. “Uh- ye- yeah… yeah of cour- yeah…”

He knows he should disagree. He knows he should come clean and if it means leaving the 118, or at the very least reporting Gerrard and all the others comments… at least he’d be doing the right thing…

He doesn’t, and he doesn’t call Jay after his shift either. Thankfully he’s not waiting at Tommy’s apartment when he gets there. He doesn’t call later that night. He doesn’t call the next day. Or the next day. Or the next…

The sensible part of Tommy has accepted this is likely the end of the relationship. The selfish part hopes he just needs a little time, and then they can just go back.

He’s not sure which part of him is the one that comes out when Jay shows up at the 118 at the end of a week of silence.

“Kinard!” Jay yells out into the station.

“Who’s that?” Sal asks.

“He’s— he’s a—” Tommy tries; he doesn’t know what to call Jay, not anymore.

“He better be leaving,” Gerrard snaps, leaning on the railing, looking down at Jay.

“What are doing here…” Tommy hisses speed walking towards him.

Jay doesn’t say anything; he just surges forward, grabbing Tommy’s face and slamming their lips together.

Every ounce of sound in the station ceases. All Tommy can hear is the sound of his own heart as it begins to pound in his chest…

…and then the sickly smack of skin hitting skin.

Jay stumbles back, lip busted and a dark red spot along his jaw; it’s going to be a nasty bruise once it sets. Tommy’s knuckles are tingling and he feels lightheaded. “I— Jay…”

“F- fuck you, Tommy.” Jay says, surprisingly quiet so only Tommy can hear. He finally reaches up to grab at his face. “If you want to keep living this lie… fine. But you can do it alone.” Then he turns and walks out of the station. Slowly the noise returns around him, the whole team is yelling out slurs, and threats towards Jay as he walks away, disappearing out of Tommy’s sight; out of his life.

“What the fuck was that fruit cake on!?” Sal scoffs. He touches Tommy’s shoulder, and Tommy flinches hard before he can stop it. “Whoa, you good?”

Tommy blinks, realizes how freaked out he must look, and nods. “Yeah… I- I’m fine.”

“Brother I’d be just as appalled,” Sal continues. “No worries, he won’t be coming back after that mean right hook.” Sal’s demeanor turns playful, and he throws some fake punches at Tommy.

“Good work, Kinard.” Gerrard says as Tommy walks back into the station trying to beeline to the bathrooms. Tommy looks up and the glint of satisfaction is shining bright in his captain’s eyes; but more so is a hint of threat; threat that he will be watching him. Threat that he will not hesitate to act if Tommy slips up again. He won’t.

******

Tommy has been pacing his living room since He got off the phone with Evan. He doesnt want that man to so much as breathe in Evan’s direction, much less be in charge of him. It’s making him feel sick.

He doesn’t know what he’s going to do. He might just have to risk his job, and perhaps his life, to fly a helicopter into the old bastards house. First he’s going to call Bobby. Evan said he’s doing everything he can to get back to the 118, and he and Athena might be interested in hearing Tommy’s story.

All he knows is he is never going back in that closet, and he’ll be damned if Gerrard even thinks about trying to force Evan into it.

(And there y’all have it! At some point I will hopefully get this fleshed out better in an actual fix!)

[marymarvels-blog]

I just wanna be a part of your family |

Eddie Diaz/ Evan Buckley

or Chris wants a gecko. Eddie doesn’t.

Eddie Diaz adores his son. Every time when he is seeing sad grimace on Chris’s face, he is ready to go through literal fire to bring his son a smile. And he is a firefighter and. by his shy opinion, not so good at cracking jokes, so when he is saying that he means it literally.

He tries to think about how much he loves his son, as he carefully watches all the lizards lazily moving in their aquariums.

His dignity didn’t allow him to say that he is deeply enormously scared of every type of lizard that has ever existed. In their family there were already enough inside jokes about his persona. It was already humiliating enough that he was afraid of AI or other bunch of smart technologies and don’t even get him started on cooking.

***

It all started one week ago after they started to watch Disney series named Jessie. Normal family friendly sitcom, that got him chuckled far more times than he wants to acknowledge, so for a kid show it was really an impressive score.

Chris watched in awe when the lizard first appeared on the screen and Eddie, as thoughtful as he is, didn’t give it too much attention. He was more preoccupied with Buck’s hand gently drawing circles on his leg as he previously threw it over Buck’s laps and other securely put an arm on his knee.

Eddie waited for that moment to happen. He knew how excited Chris and Buck were about animals and he for years expected Chris to ask him about some variation of a pet in their household but that moment never happened. So he let his guard down. His dad-radar failed him.

Because he shouldn’t have to, because the Chris and Buck combo was strong enough for him to agree on any animal they would like to get. He expected them to ask for a jellyfish for a tiger (luckily he knows it isn’t possible and they care for wild animals, so big no no!) etc. But he never saw this coming. And he paid the price for it.

It was almost midnight, way too past Chris’s bedtime — and honestly Eddie’s too — but they were too preoccupied with new season of their favourite telenovela and when Eddie and Buck fall asleep on the couch, Chris the little strategic boy he is, didn’t wake them up, innocently clipping on them with his bamby eyes “I didn’t want to wake you up you seemed like you needed that sleep” and okay, maybe he was right but he will not acknowledge it near his son because it would basically mean he gives him a free pass not to sleep at night if Eddie and Buck are asleep on the couch.

It happened exactly when they changed their position and now Eddie’s head was on Buck’s laps.

“Dad, can I get a lizard?” asked Chris casually cleaning the table. Which was not typical for him. No one in this family is the cleaning type of person.

Thank god Eddie didn’t eat something or worse drink, because he would definitely choke.

He stroke him in the most casual way possible — and much worse was that Eddie could feel that Buck is excited about it.

Eddie immediately shoots into a sitting position, taking a surprising huff from Buck, who put his arms on his shoulder, steading Eddie.

“Wow, be careful, baby”.

“I’m-I’m okay,” answered Eddie, clearing his throat and trying to cover the panic in his eyes and voice”, maybe we should consider other animals? What about cat? Hamster? Rabbit?

“No, I want a lizard”.

“ Are you sure? Like sure-sure?” please, no

“Yeah, dad, I’m sure. Please, please please, let it be my birthday present for the next 3 birthdays.”

And listen, Eddie has only two weaknesses. Chris and Buck. And he feels himself so weak by the look Chris is giving him.

Instead, Eddie looks at Buck silently begging for help.

“ We will consider it kiddo, alright? “ Buck soft calming voice as opposed to Eddie’s anxious.

Worst of all, Eddie knew that Buck was probably super enthusiastic about taking this creepy cold creature home, but he didn’t want to show it too much to already obviously scared Eddie.

Eddie saw the same expression on Buck’s face when they first saw Mrs. Kipling on TV.

**

Buck tried to approach this topic slightly and Eddie appreciates the slowness of it. He knew they need to talk about it because Chris rarely asks about anything at all and those last years were hard, to say at least, and maybe a new family member will cheer them up.

Other than that it, could teach Chris be responsible for another alive being.

You can see Eddie desperately tries to find pros in this situation.

***

While Eddie cooked (read tried to not cause a huge mess and optionally not to cause fire and to blow up their house) Buck casually leaned over the kitchen bar, scrolling through tiktok with fast looks at eddie. He knew when Buck was “randomly” offering to give him a company while he cooks it was always as a safe measurement.

He thinks Buck’s left eye is still twitching at a slight reminder what happened six months ago, when Eddie was left alone with the kitchen and him himself. To say at least he burned his arm all way from little finger to the shoulder. Don’t even ask how that happened. Thank god it wasn’t third degree burn but hurt nonetheless. And he thinks he will never forget scared, frightened look on Buck’s face when he saw his arm and then even more horrified, if it was possible, when he found that it’s not all the burn he got. And listen, Eddie isn’t some damsel in distress, who always needs someone to rescue him.

It just happened that he is very distracted when he is cooking. So he enjoyed Buck’s company while he was cooking and he is not complaining. Having his hot boyfriend near him and listening to him ramble about lizards — if he takes away part with lizards, geckos, whatever — it’s ideal evening.

“Hey baby, I’m going to distract you for one second. Please put your knife down,” cautiously asks Buck, coming closer to him.

Eddie puts the knife down but still works with dry ingredients humming in his own rhythm.

Buck smiles at the sight of that and gives him one soft kiss on the cheek.

“Look how funny they are imagine one like that here,” Eddie gives one look at the screen and he is happy that Buck asked him to put the knife down, because he would certainly accidentally chip one of his fingers. The video Buck was showing him wasn’t funny — it was heinous. 1,5 metres of green creature was running through the house.

Eddie feels nauseous.

“Omg Buck, put this away, I can’t look at it,” at this point Eddie begs him and Buck looks at him, concern shows on his face.

“You don’t feel good? Baby, what hurts?”

“No, no, not in that way. I’m alright. It’s just those lizards. Hate them,” whispers Eddie like some kind of a secret, looking around.

“No way,” Buck eyes widened and he is audibly gasping.

“Yeah, I would rather allow tarantul to live in my bedroom, rather than that.”

“Oh my fucking god.” Eddie thinks he broke Buck because the man looks at him like he sees him the first time, still processing the new information.

“Hey, it’s okay,” Buck comes closer and kisses Eddie’s temple, making his anxiety go away, “we definitely will not buy something like that. It could be something small, like geckos, you know. They are pretty cute.

Eddie audibly gulped, making Buck snorting.

“I’m sorry, I’m sorry!” Eddie groans. God, maybe it’s better to buy someone large, geckos are even scarier.

“I will think about it. but I guess that could be tolerable as long as this baby gecko will stay at Chris’s room.”

***

They made plans, so it was official. On Saturday they will go and visit a nice pet store nearby.

The sun was amazing, the weather was warm and the grip Eddie has on bucks biceps was nearly painfully tight. As tight as he can be to not cause pain to Buck. If Buck noticed the way Eddie clings to him like a lifeline, he says nothing.

But it was worth the excitement Chris had and how happy he was the last week when they announced that if Chris wants, they could get a gecko.

It took a little bit exposure therapy (aka every night Buck showed him 1-5 videos of geckos).

“Omg dad look! I found them!’” with a happy yelp Chris rushes as fast as he could over to yet a glass cage, filled with four geckos.

Eddie clung to the Buck even harder, not being able to move his legs. But Chris was waiting for them, so Buck had to physically but still gently nudge Eddie.

“Wow, sooo..eh.. cute”, if Eddie wasn’t so scared right know he might as well cringe at the tremble in his voice, that was so obvious.

Chris snorted rolling his eyes.

“You can’t possibly be scared of them. They are so cute!!”

“Oh buddy you don’t no what I am possibly capable of.” Eddie shook his head.

“Are they safe?” He frantically turns his head to a consultant that he only now notices was standing near them.

The little smile on her face as she shooks her head looking at those gecko as fondly as Chris was looking at them. If not more.

“They are safer than the hamsters”, woman laughs.

“Can I pet them?” asks Chris with his baby eyes directed at the employee.

“Of course, which one do you want first?” honest to god, she is so nice to them. Seeing how often he clears his throat, on purpose not looking at gecko.

Buck was also so patient with him glueing to his side (aka read as Eddie glued to Buck’s side) although he could bet if Eddie wasn’t so terrified Buck would be also with Chris petting all the geckos.

“Go take a look”, Eddie is already tugging his hand. Buck is so solid, so warm under his arm, he will miss that.

“Nah, I’m fi-“ Buck shakes his head, but abruptly stopped mid sentence.

“Don’t say you’re good I know you’re dying to pet all the animals out there”, Eddie says as he stirs, pointing an accusing finger at Buck.

“Maybe but being with my silly boyfriend and holding his hand is more important and better than petting the whole zoo. Even if there are penguins in it”, Eddie can hear the grin in Buck’s voice.

“What if you will pet gecko while I will stand near you?”

If five years ago someone would told Eddie that he would love someone so much that he would be asking about standing next to that person while they are petting the lizard, he would actually lose his consciousness.

“Are you ready for such a brave step?” it was meant as a joke but even such a stupid fear of his Buck took seriously.

“Yeah, besides, I think Chris needs our company and your expert opinion”.

“Really, are we doing this?”, dramatically asked Buck, turning his head from side to side trying to find the camera, “is this a prank?”

Even in this tension situation for him he can’t help but laugh.

“Yeah yeah yeah, let’s go”, he pushed Buck towards Chris, who is doesn’t even seem to notice that they are here existing in his small bubble with the geckos.

And Eddie was right. The light in Buck eyes almost visibly became even lighter when he took one of the geckos Chris gave him.

If he was shaking a little it was between him and God, in which he doesn’t believe anymore.

“Hi baby!!” softly whispered Buck, petting his head, “how are you doing?” Hearing how Buck cooed over the geckos made Eddie turn soft for seconds forgetting they are talking about geckos.

Strategically Eddie placed himself behind Buck, and at a slight distance but also that in any moment he could be able to touch Buck’s back or his arm if he needed. But also in a way so Chris and Buck would see him and see that he is, in fact, not scared.

Buck and Chris were rumbling and giggling, making the whole world brighter and more wonderful.

Eddie tried not to look at those geckos managing his breath, even the thought, the mental image of taking gecko in his arms makes him shiver.

And Buck, his kind, loving Buck, every thirty seconds is turning to Eddie to check on him, silently asking are you alright? do you need me?

Eddie might feel like his heart is bursting. He loves this man so much.

“…geckos eyes are 350 times more sensitive to light than human eyes and although” he hears Buck talking.

After another 10 minutes of looking, petting, cooing the geckos, Chris finally choose one he wants to take home.

It was..just a gecko. Like any other. Although Chris and Buck have sweared that he smiled at them and was special.

“Are there special notes for this type of gecko? Any information we should know before adopting her? “ asked Buck. Eddie knows that in that week of intense research Buck has read more than enough about how to take care of this creature but he still doubts himself.

“To keep geckos happy and healthy it’s very important to have specific habitat requirements like: right temperature, humidity levels, lighting, enclosure. I can give you a guide how to properly take care of them.” it was seemed like she was happy for them too because she is so excitedly telling about that. Wow, she really loves her job.

„And now I will show you what do you need to buy for her right now. For those type of gecko with his size and age it is a good choice to buy 76.2 × 30.5 x 30.5 cm (20G) but after she becomes adult, you will need to upgrade it. A proper size enclosure is important because allows for a good heat gradient, which is how they keep warm/cool and digest their food as they can't adjust their body temp on their own. Without proper heat they can get impacted or have trouble digesting. You will need a heat lamp. Heat lamps must be connected to a thermostat to make sure they don't get too hot/ cold. The temperatures in the enclosure should be 90-93F on the hot side, 70-75F on the cool side, and 95-100F on the basking spot. Make sure to use a digital thermometer with a probe to measure temps as they are the most accurate. uvb light would be a good to buy too and..”

Chris is practically vibrating with excitement, listening to everything woman has to say, making sure Buck notes everything on his phone.

Definitely not the right time but Eddie started to think about clipboard Buck.

“So, are you ready to take your gecko home?”

Maybe extending their family a little bit isn’t a bad idea. Eddie silently tells gecko that he is sorry for not liking him at a first sight, but he will try to do his best to love him because they are family now.

"Do you wanna pet Sandy, dad?" sweetly asks Chris.

"No, no, no! Im actually, actually watching the route for Buck. Right, Buck?”

He hears his son giggling.

"Right, bud." Buck tries to stop himself from laughing.

Okay, but not today. They will try tomorrow. He will give himself another day to be terrified.

[inawickedlittletown]

Take A Look At Us Now

Notes: I wanted to give writing Tommy a go and then I wound up trying to figure out how we got from the Tommy in Chim and Hen begins to the Tommy we meet now. With some Buck thrown in for fun, of course.

Summary: There is a magic to finally finding your true self and maybe Tommy has a deeper understanding of what that journey is like and can see it plainly as it is happening to Buck.

Ship: Buck/Tommy

Words: 2,913

On Ao3

-

Everyone would probably think that Tommy saw himself more in Eddie than in Evan. There was just so much about them that was similar, it was why they had hit it off right away. It was Evan that Tommy saw a lot of himself in, though, and he hadn’t known it, not until Evan called him asking for a tour of LAFD’s Air Operations. 

Right away, from the moment that Chim arrived with the two firefighters, Tommy had been taken aback by how gorgeous they were. They barely had time to talk before he had smuggled them away into a chopper while they awaited Hen. The whole flight out had been tense and yet it was easy to tell how close they all were. It had left Tommy wishing he were a part of them too. 

Asked after the fact why he’d done it, Tommy had just shrugged and smiled. Only once did he explain that it was the right thing to do and he trusted Chimney and Hen enough to know they wouldn’t put their whole careers and lives in danger unnecessarily. 

Tommy had a lot of respect for Chim and Hen. With Chim, there was of course how he’d literally saved Tommy’s life, but Tommy had also seen how tough he had it. Tommy hadn’t helped there, at all, but he’d been different back then. He’d been just a couple of years out of the army, maybe a little troubled about it. In so many ways, Tommy hadn’t had any idea who he was and had been playing a part. Just one of the guys. It was easier. Safer. Going along with Captain Gerrard meant being a part of something bigger than himself and he didn’t want to compromise that by speaking up. 

Chimney earned his respect and Tommy considered him a friend. They all took him in as one of their own. When it came to Hen, things got tense again. Gerrard’s sexism and misogyny and racism and homophobia coming through in a way that squeezed Tommy’s insides. He was too much of a coward to say anything at first, but even he could recognize how hard Hen worked. He also quickly realized how brave Hen was. 

Not just being a female firefighter, or sticking it out despite being unlucky enough to have to work under Captain Gerrard. It was that she was herself. Wholly herself. 

The way that he’d grown up, he’d known what happened to guys that showed any interest in other men. Had seen it first hand. The first time that his eyes lingered too long on a guy, Tommy felt nothing but panic. So, he’d doubled down on looking at women and talking about women. By the time he was in the army, it came second hand. It wasn’t like he was supposed to talk about it anyway, then.  

Afterwards, when he was back to being a civilian, Tommy just continued on in the same manner. It was easy for him, he was a man’s man. Interested in cars, sports, martial arts, and flying. Nothing about him would ever scream gay, and so Tommy kept that hidden. 

Tommy spoke a big game about the latest girl that he’d shown his chest scar to. He was continuously a bachelor, staying single and not mingling. No one would ever question him, they considered him a player and Tommy just went with it. High fived the other guys when they made questionable comments, joked and laughed with them and tried to tamp down the churning in his stomach. 

Sometimes there was a joke made…or some reference aimed at Tommy and Tommy had to pretend he didn’t understand something or that he was in on the joke. It did get tiring. Hen made him rethink living his life like that, to hide such a huge part of himself. 

He was too weak and cowardly to do anything loud and outward, but one night he decided enough was enough. 

He drove to a part of town where no one was likely to know him, dressed a little differently. Not flamboyant or something that wasn’t him, but like he knew what he was doing and he knew he looked good. Then, he walked into a gay bar. 

Tommy had done his research and he knew what he was walking into and even then he didn’t expect to immediately come upon two men kissing. Maybe it was his wide eyes, or his clear inexperience, but it didn’t take long for someone to look at him with some curiosity. 

“First time coming here?” 

“Uh. That obvious?” 

The man talking to him had a head full of curls that tumbled artfully over his forehead. His shirt was tight across his chest and his pants seemed painted on. 

“It is to me. There’s a tell. The awe. The nervous energy.”

He did feel nervous, like something was churning in his stomach wildly. 

“Get a drink, it will ease your nerves. What’s your name?” 

“Tommy.” 

“I’m Neal.”

Tommy was used to being in his element. This wasn’t that at all. 

“Hey, Jerry,” Neal called out. 

The bartender came their way. He was broad shouldered, a black beard trimmed close on his chin and jaw. A white kitchen towel hung over one shoulder. 

“Get my new friend a drink.” 

“Rum and coke,” Tommy said. 

It was delivered to him in minutes. Neal remained next to him and for a moment, Tommy did wonder what they looked like. 

“Now, you don’t have to answer me, but what made you walk in here?” 

All his life he’d been lying. As he glanced around he saw what was normal at any bar in LA. Young people mingling, flirting, smiling, and laughing, and making connections. Gender wasn’t a barrier. 

“I’m…I guess I’m finally ready to accept who I really am.” 

“And you are?” Neal asked. 

“Gay,” Tommy said. “I’m gay.” 

The words felt strange in his mouth. They also felt true. Tommy felt free. 

Neal let out a loud cheer. “Now that’s out of the way. How about you bring that drink and I introduce you to a few people.” 

That was the first night that Tommy realized he didn’t need to keep hiding. Not that it made it any easier in his regular life. Neal introduced him to a bunch of people that first night and Tommy felt like he belonged. He blushed so red the first time a guy actively flirted with him and then loved the feeling so much that he chased it. 

He flirted with men. Danced with them. It was on his second visit to the bar that he finally kissed a guy. He was one of Neal’s friends, a little shorter than Tommy with a strong build. His lips were pillow soft and if Tommy hadn’t known before, the kiss confirmed everything. 

After that, Tommy just…well, he needed to try everything. There was always someone that was interested. His first exchange of handjobs happened in the bathroom and it was so hot that it lasted minutes but replayed in his memory for days. 

For a long while, that was all he could manage. Bodies pressed together, hands groping, kissing that was so dirty and messy that it was obscene. One night, he went home with a guy. He was someone Tommy had seen around at the bar, but never grown the courage to approach. Matthew approached him and by the end of the night, charmed him enough to leave the bar and drive to his apartment. 

Matthew wasn’t pushy, he was actually sweet in how he took his time with Tommy. They drank beers in Matthew’s living room, edging closer together until they were kissing and touching and then their shirts were off followed quickly by their pants. 

Tommy had done his research, and he was prepared, except that of course he wasn’t. Thinking about it and reading about it and even watching porn was in no way enough to prepare for the reality. Tommy had no regrets. He did wish that he hadn’t rushed in and gotten caught up in the excitement of finally being able to embrace such a huge part of himself. 

All that time, he never told anyone in his day to day life. Keeping the personal and the professional separate just felt that much easier. Once Gerrard was gone, it almost felt like the right time to come out, but there was still Sal and some of the others. Neal told him it was okay to take his time. So, Tommy did. 

Then, he just decided it wasn’t worth it to shake things up when things were going so well. He had his nights at gay bars and clubs and sometimes he took someone home — more often than not he let them take him to their homes. The 118 was going through Captains at such a speed that it was even more crucial than ever that everything else was steady. 

By the time they were told they were getting some guy from Minnesota, they were used to no one making it longer than a year. Captain Bobby Nash was different.

For one thing, he was younger than the last six Captains, even if that meant he was completely in over his head…or at least, it seemed that way at first. Looking back, Tommy did have some regrets about leaving the 118. Seeing the way that they were now, it was what Tommy had thought the 118 was back in the day — but it wasn’t. He could have been a part of that. Of course, it would have required that he be a bit more open about himself and Tommy didn’t know if he would have been brave enough to do that. 

Combined with his interest in getting back in the air, Tommy was ready for a new start. When a spot opened up with Air Operations, Tommy jumped on it and he was their first choice when considering all his experience as an Army pilot. Entering that new space, he did it without hiding. It wasn’t like he was shouting it for all to hear, but when it came up he just said it. 

“I’m into men” or “I’m actually playing for the other team” or “not into women” or any variation including “I’m gay”. 

Tommy did keep in touch with Hen and Chim. Not often, but enough to hear about how well Captain Nash was doing. Rare though it was, they even did occasionally overlap on calls. He, Chim, and Hen sometimes even met up for drinks. One night, Hen introduced him to a firefighter from the 115. Casey was gay and out and proud. Tommy was amazed by him. 

He didn’t know if Hen had figured him out, or if she’d somehow heard. Tommy wasn’t mad. Casey was captivating and by the end of the night, if Hen hadn’t known, she probably did. Casey also wasn’t one of the guys that Tommy found at a bar or club. He was a relationship guy and it was something entirely new for Tommy. 

Casey had been out since he was a teenager and he seemed to immediately peg how inexperienced Tommy was. He gave him perspective and showed Tommy what it was like when you actually cared about the person you were with. At one point, Tommy had been sure he was in love with Casey, until it all came crashing down, and he realized that he wasn’t as broken up about it as he should be. 

There were guys after Casey. Nothing that ever lasted. Tommy didn’t mind casual, even found he preferred it considering his line of work. It didn’t mean that he didn’t want to settle down. It just meant he hadn’t found the right person. 

He didn’t know Evan was into men right off the back. Suspected it, maybe, but only in the way that meant he was hoping because then he had just a speck more of a chance with him. 

When he saw Evan for the first time after flying into a hurricane on Hen’s instincts and Chim’s insistence, Tommy was taken by him. Out of his firefighter uniform, he looked different. A little lost, maybe, but beautiful. His attraction to Evan was undeniable. Tommy didn’t know why Evan had bothered to ask for a tour, not when he knew right away that Evan wasn’t actually interested in transferring and leaving the 118. Still, there was something about the way he smiled at Tommy, hopeful when Tommy mentioned giving him flying lessons. 

Evan’s cheeks even went a little pink as he offered to buy Tommy a drink. For a moment, just a moment, Tommy wondered if he meant it as more than just two friends. Shook that thought off because Tommy just wasn’t that lucky. 

Tommy had been torn between wanting to take him on that offer and knowing that he’d made plans with Eddie that he couldn’t exactly cancel. He’d seen Evan’s face fall a bit and then he’d been left hopeful that Evan would call again and they could get that beer. That they could make more plans. 

Evan didn’t call. Tommy was too busy answering Eddie’s phone calls, but he would have answered if Evan threw out that offer to share a drink. Instead, he was busy with Eddie. It wasn’t that Tommy didn’t have other friends. It was that all of his friends were married with kids or divorced with kids or too far away and too busy for Tommy to see without extensive planning. Eddie was available. He should have known that it wasn’t that easy. 

It should have been Eddie’s girlfriend that got territorial, instead it was Evan. Tommy immediately felt bad. 

Going to see Evan to clear the air had only felt right. And, yes, maybe he did want to see Evan again. If it meant that his eyes could wander over Evan’s strong arms and appreciate the blue depth of his eyes then it was just a plus. What was more, was Evan’s own admittance that he’d been jealous and acted rashly. His vulnerability and honesty just shone through. Evan was like a small bird with a broken wing and Tommy wanted nothing more than to fix up his wings and let him fly. 

Evan then changed everything. The whole time, he’d been feeling bad for making Evan feel like he was taking away his best friend, when it was about Eddie getting to spend time with Tommy. His brain made leaps, picking up all the signs…all the very confused signs. 

When Tommy kissed him, it felt like a spark igniting between them. For all that it was the simplest, softest of kisses, Tommy knew it felt right. Evan’s hesitance, the way that he looked when Tommy pulled back, and yet the fact that despite his shock he kissed Tommy back, it cleared up everything.

Tommy was elated. He wanted nothing more than to kiss Evan again, but it didn’t take much to know that this was the first time Evan had kissed a guy. Tommy knew what that was like, the delicate nature of it. 

As Evan agreed to a date, cheeks pink and something like pleased surprise in his expression, Tommy let himself take in the moment and tried not to show how stunned he was at everything Evan brought out in him. He knew he had to be careful handling his little bird, and it was an honor to be the one to lead Evan to new discoveries. It meant not kissing him a second time and leaving before he couldn’t help himself any longer. 

If he couldn’t stop smiling through his whole shift that night, no one needed to know his reason was a gorgeous blue eyed firefighter with a heart of gold. 

Two nights later, when Evan admitted that it was his first date with a dude, Tommy didn’t pretend he wasn’t aware. 

“We’ll do this at your pace, Evan.” 

“It’s not…it’s not some—”

“What?” 

“A deal breaker?” 

“What, on dating you?” Tommy asked and he knew he couldn’t shake his smile. 

“Uh…yeah,” Evan said, dropping his eyes to the table and looking far too adorable. 

“It’s not,” Tommy said. “You wanted my attention, you got it, Evan.”

He blushed beautifully, his skin going rosy in increments. His blue eyes were shinning. Tommy remembered the wonder that came with finally knowing yourself, but even more so in embracing it and admitting it. Seeing it in Evan was glorious. When it changed into pure panic at the arrival of Eddie and a woman Tommy presumed was his girlfriend, Tommy did his best to smooth things over and act like nothing was wrong. 

They were lucky the hostess hurried Eddie and Marisol along to their table, because Tommy wasn’t sure that Evan was going to be able to not blurt out something he wasn’t ready to say yet. 

“Hey, you okay?” 

“No. Yes. I don’t know.” 

Tommy couldn’t help his smile. “This is the hard part. You don’t owe anyone anything about yourself. Your truths are yours and you can tell them whenever you are ready. Like I said, we do it at your pace.”

“So, if I wanted to keep this on the down low…”

“Then we do that,” Tommy said. 

The smile that Evan gave him was wide. Content. 

“I don’t want to hide,” Evan said. “Not when I’m finally who I’m meant to be.” 

[hxhhasmysoul]

I saw a post about yuji not having a sense of self and his cog mentality and he needs to first save himself, I would like to know what you think of it and if you agree then how will yuji gain it back?

Tbh I am asking this because having a sense of self is equivalent to having a strong soul in jjk which is basically to understand ourselves thoroughly and yuji knows himself. He already possesses a high sense of self which is to help/save people and because he doesn't want to die alone that's why he was able to suppress sukuna and sukuna also acknowledges that yuji's soul is indomitable/ unbreakable.it never changed. Like remove him from jujutsu world and he still would do something similar to that, gege also said if not sorcerer he would be a firefighter saving people.. He lost his will to fight but as soon as to do showed him a thread to hold on he took that instantly .same happened when todo appeared a second time and yuji was worried about others being killed

I personally see his cog mentality as his coping mechanism because sukuna and mahito destroyed his perception regarding curses and jujutsu world,his reason to fight kind of like until shibuya he never really understood the reason why he has to die as vessel .. They kind of opened his eyes and showed him what he is actually up against. It's just like mahito said that this wasn't some kind of pest control , he isn't naive but he repeatedly failed in his goal which weakened him. His desire to save people is both his strength and weakness.

Even when yuta wanted to kill him he defended himself although half heartedly , he even then didn't want to die ,was looking for reasons to save people and that is before megumi showed up . And he started to rely on others more. Even hakari notices that he calls himself cog but his behavior isn't like one... Megumi is the perfect example of cog.... I am waiting for his reaction to yujo to determine whether now he will finally acknowledge the reality of the jujutsu world and try to take matters into his own hands..

I mean, if Yuuji ever truly lost his sense of self and his strong soul, Sukuna would’ve taken over because that’s how that vessel business goes.

I agree that the cog mentality was a defence mechanism. Mahito did force Yuuji to admit to wanting to kill instead of save, and right after as you mentioned Sukuna’d made Yuuji realise why he needs to die. And then Megumi decided to make Yuuji feel more guilty for everything that had happened, because I’m sure Megumi felt super fucking guilty for releasing Makora. Megumi expected two people to die, Haruta and himself, not the whole fucking district becoming a crater. So he tries to spread the blame. 

And the cog mentality helps to deal with guilt. It absolves to some extent because it lets both Megumi and Yuuji offload some of the responsibility onto greater powers and the jujutsu system. 

And you’re absolutely right about Yuuji. The thing about him is that his core convictions are unshakable. He always values human life even if he stumbles, even if it’s not 100% selfless. 

To me that’s a very nice portrayal of someone who is heroic, because it feels true. It’s not mindless, it’s not divorced from who he is or what he’s going through. He wants to save people but he is allowed his weaknesses, he’s allowed to fear and to not want to die while at the same time saying he’s ready to die to take Sukuna with him. He’s human, not an icon so he is full of contradictions. To me it makes his attempts to protect others more sincere because they come with him constantly trying to reconcile his inner contradictions, it is his strength and his weakness. He constantly rebuilds his sense of self because life makes it clear to him that it’s impossible to be just selfless and pure and good. That’s inhuman and Yuuji is amazingly human and a good person. He probably doubts the latter but I think that a part of being a so-called “good person” is being aware of your own limitations and actually being open to the world around you. Like not deciding up front what is good and what is bad and sticking to it no matter what, even if the world gets complicated around you. I don’t know if it makes sense XD But a strong sense of self to me is not something rigid and static, it's something that constantly grows with the person. That constantly reconciles the self and the world that the self is a part of. And it is one that isn't afraid of reality.

Yuuji wins with Mahito because Mahito thinks that his soul can adjust to anything but it actually can’t. He manages to bring darkness out of Yuuji and Mahito’s world changes. He was the nihilist to toy with everyone, the one to torment Yuuji’s soul. He was the strong one in that relationship but instead of breaking Yuuji, he created a monster. His sense of self was built on human life being meaningless, souls being a dime a dozen but suddenly his own soul is on the line. He can’t be nihilist about his own soul, it’s an inner contradiction he can’t reconcile in the moment. Another being that from a predator he became just a curse, like all other curses hunted by a sorcerer. Curses seem to think that because they can’t lie, they always see the truth. But truth comes from perception, as long as something seems true to someone it’s not a lie. And it’s a huge shock to realise you haven’t seen the whole truth even when you were so convinced you are the ultimate truth seer because you could see souls. 

Yuuji manages to incorporate the contradiction Mahito forces onto him into his sense of self. Also I won’t get into it but I personally find the equivalence between humans and curses as kinda forced and not truly holding up to scrutiny upon inspection. 

Sorry it took me so long to answer. Thank you for the ask. I hope my answer makes sense XD

[khepiari]

New LuLaw Fic 2 for #IMPREGNATELAW2024: A Family Can Be Just Two People

Summary: AU| 30s Firefighter Alpha Luffy x 30s Omega Doctor Trafalgar Law| Married Men Yaoi|

A couple deals with Infertility and discusses the topic of Sterilisation|

SFW: only hand holding and hugs.

Word count: 5,428

TRIGGER WARNING: INFERTILITY and STERILISATION

Please read the tags, warnings, and notes before you proceed.

When I arrived at the hospital, Dr Trafalgar D Water Law, my husband of five years, the love of my life, avoided my gaze. So I went straight to his doctor, standing beside him and giving him a judgemental look.

“Ah, Lu, you are here.” Dr Marco was my husband’s university senior and brother’s childhood friend and the reason my path ever crossed with Law. In a way, he was our matchmaker and relationship advisor when we needed help.  

“I heard he fainted. What happened?”

“It’s nothing serious, and your overthinking husband fainted on the footpath while carrying a bunch of groceries.” Even on his day-offs, he can’t stay put and rest. “To be honest, I was going to blame it on the tight jeans he loves, but they found him in your cotton cargo shorts and aloha T-shirt.” Marco laughed, and I took another look at him. He was in a patient gown with needles stuck into his skinny arms. A deep part of my brain said I should ask for a job transfer to some village and drag him with me. This was the eighth time he had fallen sick. Most days, he had dizzy spells, which he blamed on his so-called recessive omega genes, but I knew better. All the medicines he was hooked on were making him go through things. “So it was the good old pal, the sun and his highness’ poor health choices that made him faint. Still, it is not serious, okay. People faint, it's like the phone getting overheated and shutting down to cool its system” 

But when a phone was hanging and glitching every week, it was not normal, right? “How is fainting not serious?” I had many questions, from the corner of my eyes, I could see the guilty expression climbing the beautiful brown face. If I didn’t continue prying, I wouldn’t know. I was not giving. “Marco, is the cause, stress?”

“It is for sure stress. Look at him; he was born frail, but he has never been this skinny ever in all the years I have known.” Marco dangled Law’s thin arm. “He won't tell me what it is, though. We have sent his blood to get a report.”

“I think I know.” I offered a polite smile. “Tiger, you want me to tell Marco?” Law nodded.

“What did you idiots do?”

“Baby…” I rubbed my temple. “We are trying for a baby! As much as I love having sex with him, I am sure doing it every day has made him weaker.”

“But he is not pregnant. Far from it, Lu!” Marco turned his head and looked at my husband with both embarrassment and worry. “His pheromones are the same, subdued and mild. Pheromones change when the body is ready to conceive a child. No change is visible to him.” My brother’s doctor friend combed his blonde hair with his fingers. “He is too weak for an omega, you both know he is borderline recessive!” Law had chosen not to speak. Then Marco wrote down something on the chart clipped to the board attached to his bed. “You are too overworked and frail to carry a baby. Lu, you might not be aware, but everyone in the gynaecology department told him, so almost a year back when he expressed his desire to have a baby.” 

Read here:

[og2lit]

LA Task - S.C.

•What is your full name? Santana Isaiah Cross

• Where and when were you born? Chicago, Illinois. 4/10/02

• Who are/were your parents? (Know their names, occupations, personalities, etc.)

Skylar Cross; Gym owner and physical therapist. She's loving, nurturing, passionate, loves hard. A go getter and great business mindset. Financial advisor to her son to protect his assets before he turns pro. Makes 🔥 cakes from scratch.

Cairo Jennings; Recently retired pro sports athlete currently works as a reoccurring analyst with ESPN. Stoic, old school mentality, provider, gym rat. Stubborn and headstrong, manipulative, controlling.

• Do you have any siblings? What are/were they like?

Only child, that he knows

• Where do you live now, and with whom? Describe the place and the person/people.

UCLA campus apartments, by himself. Open space, hypebeast, got some color, tv mounted, surround sound.

• What is your occupation?

Student full time, brand ambassador

• Write a full physical description of yourself. You might want to consider factors such as: height, weight, race, hair and eye color, style of dress, and any tattoos, scars, or distinguishing marks.

6'2, semi muscular, brown skin, tattoos all over his torso and legs, african american, street casual, locs at his shoulder.

• To which social class do you belong?

Middle upper class for now

• Do you have any allergies, diseases, or other physical weaknesses?

Nope

• Are you right- or left-handed?

Right

• What does your voice sound like?

Raspy, Midwest accent, husky

• What words and/or phrases do you use very frequently?

"Mane, Folk, Gang"

• What do you have in your pockets?

Tictac, phone, wallet

• Do you have any quirks, strange mannerisms, annoying habits, or other defining characteristics?

No

PART 2: GROWING UP

•How would you describe your childhood in general?

He had a solid childhood. With the child support hush money his mom received every month from her former lover it was enough to cover the mortgage so the rest of Skylar's money went to the small bills and splurging on her son.

• What is your earliest memory?

5 years old, running in the backyard with a little car. His father Cairo comes out to the backyard with Skylar and hands Santana a mini basketball before leaving. It was the only time he saw his father face to face.

• How much schooling have you had?

He's in college.

• Did you enjoy school?

Enjoys what it offers and how he can capitalize.

• Where did you learn most of your skills and other abilities?

Copying his favorite players moves until he perfected it and created his own. Kobe Bryant and Jamal Crawford.

• While growing up, did you have any role models? If so, describe them.

His mother, she taught him everything.

• While growing up, how did you get along with the other members of your family?

Had cousins that he got from his mother's friends and two blood cousins that he stays in contact with to this day. They used to get in trouble all the time running the streets.

• As a child, what did you want to be when you grew up?

A firefighter

• As a child, what were your favorite activities?

Playing monster trucks and doctor

• As a child, what kinds of personality traits did you display?

Lots of energy, couldn't stay still, OCD

• As a child, were you popular? Who were your friends, and what were they like?

Since he played ball in middle school he was known by a lot of people in the state area.

• When and with whom was your first kiss?

13, Courtney Wright in the closet.

• Are you a virgin? If not, when and with whom did you lose your virginity?

No, 17 Tamia Blake

PART 3: PAST INFLUENCES

•What do you consider the most important event of your life so far?

Overhearing a phone call of his parents fighting over him.

• Who has had the most influence on you?

His mother and Kobe Bryant

• What do you consider your greatest achievement?

Getting his first NIL deal before he graduated high school.

• What is your greatest regret?

Not retiring his mouth when he had the opportunity to do so.

• What is the most evil thing you have ever done?

Cheated on someone

• Do you have a criminal record of any kind?

No

• When was the time you were the most frightened?

Almost got his car stolen in Chicago when he turned 18

• What is the most embarrassing thing ever to happen to you?

Getting my beans caught in my zipper at school

• If you could change one thing from your past, what would it be, and why?

Cairo Jennings

• What is your best memory?

Back to back state championships in high school

• What is your worst memory?

Finding out his mother has breast cancer