#Hawaii 50 is not boring

[tgcg]

ill break your shit adam

warning for adult lang

fuck you adam sandler

youre lucky karkat likes you

stupid fuck sees an amnesiac girl

and asks her can i marry you

that lady got issues mentally

you still down to do shit anally

deplorable zit on the ass of romanza

karkat told me to put that shit in this stanza

do raps even count as having stanzas

slam poetry tyke at preschool im no manza

youd probably jack it to a log with holes if they were wet ones

sitting on that stupid dock with her papa cracking cold ones

piece of shit id push you off that dock and watch you bubbling

kick your ass like her shitty bro failed when you were troubling

penguins dont quack like fucking ducks you dumbass

thats not part of the rap i just think that youre a dumbass

back to the rap sandler i bet you couldnt drop a single bar

too busy picking up stupid women at the stupid women bar

who even let you into hawaii

also did i say karkat liked you i was kidding he wants to kick your heinie

seriously watching that shit again made him start slamming his head into the cushions and screaming i had to pry them out his hands and he almost bit me

sorry i forgot i was rapping again

piece of shit forgot that you can like women while dating other men

still not over that chuck and larry shit adam

if you just said to the gov you were bi you coulda had em

firefighter of the year? well try putting out this heat

karkats gonna beat your ass like you do every night to your meat

gotta ask is this shit wish fulfilment for you

gotta say larry deserved better than you

i could treat him way better than you not in a gay way though

i just mean youre a massive sleaze basically the worlds shittiest bro

back to 50 first dates man sandler your shit is a bore

the stupid bits with schneider got my ass addicted to snore

if i was that stupid walrus id tear your ass to shreds

if i was that penguin i would also tear your ass to shreds

itd be harder but id still do it

bro fuck adam sandler im through it

===

TT: Wow. Bravo, Dave. You've outdone yourself.

TG: i wrote this one exceptionally fucking terrible to represent my inner darkness

TG: i can never unwatch those cinematic fossilized turds theyre like time capsules devoted to everything wrong with america

TG: you dont even understand how egregious that was

TT: I can sense the utter malaise and contempt in every word. It's beautiful.

TT: One particularly interesting point I'd like to make is the fact that you managed to refer to butts in a song about a male target, 10 times in the span of 37 lines. It's not an exorbitant amount, but it appears to be a running theme in your works. Very interesting, if you ask me --

TG: nooooo

TG: nope no

TG: not this shit again

TG: listen one of them is karkats fault

===

CG: ROSE, YOU JUST DON'T FUCKING UNDERSTAND WHAT HE'S DOING HERE AT ALL.

TT: No? Please, enlighten me Karkat.

CG: GLADLY.

CG: HE STARTS OUT WITH THE FRIGGIN WORD "ANAL" PRECEDING ALL OF THE OTHER MENTIONS, OF COURSE IT'S ON PURPOSE. IT INSTILLS THAT IMAGERY IN YOUR NUGBONE THROUGHOUT THE TRACK.

CG: AND YOU MAY HAVE NOTICED A RECURRING USE OF THE WORD "SHIT", IN TANDEM. BOG-STANDARD FOR DAVE, RIGHT? NO! IT'S PART OF THE EFFECT!

CG: MY THESIS: ADAM SANDLER MOVIES ARE PIECES OF ABSOLUTE SHIT AND THE REFERENCES TO WORDS LIKE "LOG" AND "SHIT" AND "ASS" ARE TO INVOKE THE SENSE OF TAKING A MASSIVE DUMP THROUGHOUT THE SPAN OF THE RAP, WHICH BY ALL MEANS WOULD BE AN EQUAL OR GREATER USE OF YOUR TIME THAN WATCHING THOSE MOVIES.

CG: RIGHT, DAVE?

TG: … yeah

TT: Okay, I'm willing to concede to that. On this subject matter, as an avid terrible movie enjoyer, you admittedly know better than myself.

CG: SHOULD KNOW BETTER.

TT: And you love them anyways.

CG: YEAH.

TG: hes right

TG: you hear that shit hes right

TG: fuck death of the author im verifying that interpretation

[ssinnerplazahotel]

╭──────────.★..─╮

*Chapter Ten*

╰─..★.──────────╯

WC: 8k

Warning: 18+, age gap, smut, fluff, toxic elvis, manipulation, drug use, it’s the 50s/60s, painful-difficult-devastating-life-changing-extraordinary love

Pairing: elvis x black reader

Disclaimer: full of inaccuracies, inaccurate timeline, inaccurate depictions of Graceland, historically inaccurate themes and items

Masterlist: Prologue, Ch. 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9

Graceland hadn’t changed—not upon first glance anyway. There were several unfamiliar faces but amongst the bunch there was Dawn and Cynthia. No longer serving at the pleasure of The Presley’s but there to welcome you back to town after your brief MIA stint.

You hugged Dawn enthusiastically. She was thrilled to see you and Joel—you had talked several times but nothing compared to seeing her in person.

“How’d this happen?” She asked, referring to you and Joel as you sat next to her at the dining table.

“It just happened.”

“I followed her around until she agreed to marry me. She refuses to tell anybody that story.”

“Well look what the cat done dragged in.” Sonny appeared suddenly—Jerry and Red trailing along. “Just as ugly as the day he left.”

Joel stood to greet them before re-introducing you. “My lady.”

“My lady, I hate to steal your gentleman, but we have unfinished business to attend,” Red said, throwing an arm over Joel’s shoulder.

He started to say he couldn’t but you reassured him that it was fine.

“I’ll come check on you, I promise,” He said as they dragged him away.

You sighed after he was gone. “They’ve been up all night. I don’t know how they manage.”

“They manage.” Dawn chuckled. “So, how have things been? How’s Atlanta?”

“Busy,” You responded.

Dawn hummed, glancing past you for a moment before speaking again in a lower voice. “Why’d you come back?”

“Elvis invited us.”

“Things seem to be going well, you and Joel seem happy.”

“We are happy.”

“You don’t think being back here will stir things up? I mean knowing what we all know…”

You knew exactly what Dawn was saying. You hated that she was choosing to be the voice of reason instead of being happy to see you.

“Joel begged me to come, I didn’t want to. I thought you’d be happy to see me.”

“I am. But I don't want Joel to get hurt.”

“What about me?”

Cynthia appeared again, this time with Andrea. You froze for a moment but recovered quickly and forced a smile.

“Well well well." She grinned—she was as radiant as the last time you saw her. "Look who finally decided to show her face in these parts again."

"Andrea.” You stood to hug her.

"Mhm," She hummed, hugging you back. "I don’t appreciate you skipping town and never calling me again. You get too busy in the city and forget all about us?”

“No, I just…I was going through a lot,” You said. “I’m sorry.”

“I might be able to forgive you.” She took a seat at the dining table. “What’s this I hear about you marrying a white man? What’s the point if you’re only gonna be married in 19 states?”

“Drea,” Cynthia complained.

“Joel from Hawaii, right?”

“You remember him?” You asked.

“Yeah, he’s cute.” She took your hand and examined your ring. “Did you guys run away together or something?”

“No,” You laughed. “We ran into each at a restaurant.”

“Wow. If you bothered to call me at all I’d know these things.”

You started to apologize again but you were interrupted by Elvis’ voice as he approached the table.

“How are my girls doin?” He asked, walking past you to Dawn. He kissed her cheek and then Cynthia’s before leaning on the back of an empty chair. “Andrea.”

“Elvis,” She said—looking off with a bored expression.

“It’s been a long time,” He said, he seemed to enjoy the fact that she despised him.

“Sorry I didn’t come sooner,” She started. “I was waiting for a good hair day.”

He laughed shortly before his eyes found yours. You averted your eyes. He spoke again, addressing the table. “If y’all need anything you can let Nancy know, she don’t mind. And don’t let the guys bother you, they’re outta their minds.”

Cynthia and Dawn laughed, agreeing that they were indeed crazy. When he finally walked away his hand rested on your shoulder as he passed, sending a jolt down your spine. When you looked up Dawn’s eyes were on you—so were Cynthia’s. You felt like a spectacle.

“Somebody outta take him down a notch,” Andrea said with an annoyed eye roll.

“What’s he ever done to you?” Cynthia laughed. “Keep on blocking your blessings like that.”

“Oh, mama.”

“Don’t ‘oh mama’ me.”

You smiled as they bickered—they hadn’t changed.

Andrea snagged you from the table and the two of you walked around outside. You spent most of the afternoon catching up before she had to eventually take Cynthia home.

“I wish you could stay,” You said, hugging her. “They’ll probably be out all night.”

“I don’t doubt it,” Andrea said. “But I have an appointment tomorrow morning. Divorce court starts early.”

“I’m so sorry, Drea.”

“It’s for the best. We didn’t want to wait until we hated each other to get it over with.”

“I’m glad you’re in a good place about it.”

“Anyway, I have some errands to run.”

“I understand.” You smiled. “I promise I’ll call. Even if it’s every once in a while.”

“You better,” She said. “I mean it. I want to know what’s going on with you. And don’t forget to send me an invite to the wedding.”

Dawn left with Cynthia and Andrea. She didn’t bring up your brief conversation from earlier but you could tell by her expression that she still felt the same. She had no faith in you. You figured if you could go on avoiding him like you had been, the weekend would go by seamlessly.

You guys were put in the spare room upstairs—your old room. It felt like some kind of inside joke when Jerry helped Joel carry your things up.

“Where are you going?”

“Nowhere, just downstairs.”

You forced a smiled in an attempt to hide your disappointment. “You’re gonna be out late, then?”

“No, probably not.” You wondered why he lied. “What?”

You noticed that you’d let your smile drop a bit. “Nothing.”

Joel gave you a look and stepped forward to wrap his arms around your waist. “Let me have it.”

“It’s just that…I’ll hardly see you this weekend and we’re going straight to Virginia afterwards so you’ll be wrapped up with work~”

“Oh, about that,” He started suddenly. “I talked to Bibby and he needs me to head down earlier than I expected.”

“Really?”

“I tried to get out of it, but you know how he is. He said he would let me leave early if I came ahead of time so I’m gonna head down in the morning and get it out the way before the weekend’s over.”

“When are we leaving?”

“I was gonna go tonight and meet you back here Saturday. I figured you could go spend some time with Dawn, she seemed happy when I told her you’d be over tomorrow.”

“You aren’t going to ask me how I feel about any of this?”

“I thought you’d be happy.”

All you wanted was to tell him to call everything off and take you home—but you didn’t want to ruin his time. You could get through the rest of the night, then you’d be able to escape to Dawn’s house.

*

“Hello?”

“Birdie?”

You froze when you heard his voice coming through the receiver. Your first instinct was to slam the phone back on the hook. You stared at it until it rang again, startling you when it did. You hesitated before picking it up again.

“Joel’s not here,” You said, moving to hang the phone up again.

“Don’t hang up,” Elvis said quickly.

“He already left.”

“I-I didn’t call to talk to Joel, honey, I called to talk to you.”

“You can’t…” You closed your eyes for a second and sighed. “I shouldn’t be talking to you while he’s not here.”

“Should I call when he gets back?”

“No.”

You heard him laugh on the other line, prompting you to roll your eyes. “You shouldn’t call at all. There’s no reason for you to talk to me.”

“Oh, well, I beg to differ.” He chuckled. “I think we have a lot to talk about, actually.”

“We don’t. I’m engaged.”

“I’m not trying to come between you and Joel.”

“Then what do you want?”

“You.”

You shook your head, falling silent as you tried to quiet the storm you had brewing inside.

“I want to talk to you,” He continued. “Is that alright?”

“No, it’s not.”

“I think you want to talk to me too, birdie.” His voice dropped and was suddenly drained of any humor. “It’s been a long time.”

“It hasn’t been long enough,” You said. “I don’t want to talk to you. I never want to see you again, Elvis. If you can’t understand that~”

“I do understand.”

“Then why won’t you leave me alone?” You asked, frustrated tears threatening to form in your eyes. “I’m happy. I love Joel and I love the life we’re building together.”

“Who are you trying to convince?” He interrupted. “I never said you didn’t.”

“You’re disrupting everything.”

“That’s not what I’m trying to do.”

You laid back against your pillow with the phone to your ear. “Just tell me what you want.”

“I want to see you.”

“No.”

Silence settled between the two of you for a moment before he spoke again.

“You don’t have to,” He said. “I want you to, that’s all.”

“I can’t,” You whispered.

“Why?”

“Joel…”

He hummed on the other line, you couldn’t decipher his tone. “Well…I-If you change your mind, you know where to find me.”

“I’m not going to.”

“You don’t have to. I’m glad you came down this weekend anyway. Dawn really misses having you here.”

“Why are you trying to make me feel guilty?”

“I’m not, honey.”

There was another beat of silence before the line went dead.

You held the receiver to your ear even after he was gone, listening to the mechanic hum of the dial tone. You checked the clock on the dresser.

Joel would be halfway to his conference by now. He’d get to his hotel and call you by eight like he promised. He’d ask you what you were doing and you’d reassure him you were okay—even though there was nothing he could do if you weren’t. Then he’d talk to you for over an hour, hoping that the lengthy phone call would appease you while he was away. He’d promise to call every chance he got—he always did—before ending the call saying: “I love you, I’ll be thinking of your sweet voice all night.”

To which you would laugh and respond: “I love you too.”

You’d blow him a kiss through the receiver and say goodnight. It was the same routine every time he went away. You knew in your mind that going to see Elvis was a bad idea. You knew the effect he’d have on you—he knew it too.

You hung up the phone and sat up to grab your case of cigarettes from the dresser. You opened the case only to find it empty.

You felt the weight of your decision before you’d even made it. A crushing weight in your chest that only nicotine could combat. It was overwhelmingly unlike you. Despite the guilt already consuming you, you knew your mind was made up before you could talk yourself out of it. There were too many feelings swirling around inside of you, old and new.

You had hoped that, maybe, you could put that part of yourself to rest once and for all by going to see him that night.

~

You fidgeted anxiously, smoothing down the skirt of your dress as you waited in the deserted hallway. You knocked but grew anxious after waiting a minute or two and raised your hand to knock again. You hesitated before knocking in the same gentle pattern that you had used so many years ago. The door opened almost immediately and you were met with Elvis’ familiar eyes.

“Birdie,” He muttered with what looked like a genuinely shocked expression.

“E,” You said back. Your heart hammered rapidly against your ribcage as you stared back at him. “You weren’t going to leave me standing in the hallway were you?”

“I-I didn’t know it was you.” He chuckled, still shocked by your presence. “Come in.”

You stepped inside the room and watched him close the door. It was silent aside from the tv blaring loudly. The room was dim, lived in but tidy—just like you remembered.

“I didn’t think you’d show.” He walked past you to turn the tv off.

You stood still, fidgeting with the skirt of your dress. For a moment you felt disconnected from yourself and reality. When you looked back at the door you wanted to leave. You shouldn’t have been there.

“Don’t just stand there.”

You met Elvis’ eyes, shaking your head as you tried to process your emotions.

He met you where you stood and slipped his hand into yours. “I wanna talk to you, honey. That’s all.”

He led you over to the bed and kept a decent amount of space between you as you sat down.

“You’re quiet,” He said, shifting to face you. “That’s one thing you never were.”

“You called me here.” You pointed out. “You wanted to talk. So talk.”

“How can I? You’re ice cold.” He smiled as he spoke. “How d’you like Atlanta?”

“It’s alright. We like it.”

“You and Joel?”

“Yes.”

Elvis nodded, his expression growing amused.

“What?” You asked, instantly annoyed.

“Nothing, nothing. You seem different,” He said it as if he knew something you didn’t. He always made you feel like he understood you better than you understood yourself.

“I am different.”

“I can tell.” He looked away. Was he upset by the change he saw in you?

“Tell me what it is you needed to tell me.” You waited for him to respond. “E?”

His smile had faded and his expression was thoughtful now. “I should’ve gone after you.”

You remembered standing in the hall waiting for him the night you left. You remembered the inkling of fragile hope inside of you fizzling into nothing the longer you stood there—waiting for him.

“I shouldn’t have let you go.”

“It wouldn’t have changed anything.”

“If I had gone after you, you wouldn’t have stayed?”

“You know I would’ve stayed. I loved you.”

“I loved you too.”

You scoffed lowly, turning your head.

“What was that?” He asked.

“What was what?” You responded.

“That sound you made. You don’t believe me?”

“No, Elvis. I never believed you when you said that.”

“It’s the truth.”

“I think you want it to be the truth. But really you only ever said it to make me happy. Not because you meant it.”

“Why can’t you accept the fact that I cared about you?” He asked, narrowing his eyes. “I still care about you.”

“I don’t believe that,” You said. “I think you got what you wanted from me while we were together and that was it.”

“That’s what you want to think, birdie.” He looked upset but he didn’t sound angry. “You tell yourself that because you want to hate me. Because it’s the only thing that makes sense to you~”

“Don’t tell me what I want to think,” You said. “You used me, you know you did.”

“I never used you. I came to you because…” He fell silent, choosing his words carefully.

“Just come out and say it,” You insisted.

“You made me feel good. When I was with you, it was just us. Me and you. No acts, no games. You didn’t expect anything from me, and I didn’t have to worry about you taking advantage. When I talked to you, it felt like you actually gave a shit and I needed that. So if you call that using you, then hell, I guess I fucking used you. That doesn’t change the fact that you were important to me.”

You looked up as you warded off tears. You didn’t want to cry, you’d cried too many nights over him.

“You can hate me.” You tried to pull your hand away but he grabbed it anyway. “You can blame me for everything that went wrong, I don’t care. But don’t tell me I never loved you.”

“Don’t~” You started when he took your face between his hands, trying to avoid his touch.

“I’ve thought about you everyday since you left.” His eyes were intense—desperate and all too familiar. “I ask Dawn about you every time I talk to her~”

“Elvis~”

“You’re always on my mind, birdie. Always.”

Tears welled in your eyes despite your best efforts. You stared into Elvis’ sapphire eyes and shivered with nostalgia.

“There’s no future for us,” You whispered. “It’s not our story, E. You know that.”

“I’m not asking for the future,” He responded. “I’m asking for tonight. One more night.”

He closed the space between you in a tender kiss and the taste of his lips brought on a flood of memories. Memories that flashed in short, sweet successions.

Memories of long nights of laughter and love making. Memories of lust and sadness, passion and rage. You felt his arms around you when he held you the night your mother died. You felt the golden chain resting weightlessly against your collarbone as he secured it around your neck. You felt his lips against your skin as he kissed every inch of your body, praising your very existence. You felt the sparks of being in love for the first time, and the excitement that came with the feeling.

You pulled away from the kiss, alarmed at the sudden influx of emotions. You stood and walked away, rushing to the door in a desperate attempt to escape the version of yourself that you supposedly weren’t anymore.

“Birdie,” Elvis called after you, standing to stop you. “Baby, please, don’t~”

“I have to go.” The door was pushed shut before you could open it more than an inch.

“Don’t leave,” He said as he held it shut. “Please…”

You looked up at him with tears in your eyes. “I love him. He makes me happy, Elvis, he treats me well. He’s a good person, a-and…god, he adores you~”

“We’re not talkin about him.” He put his other hand against the door, caging you between his arms. “This has nothing to do with him.”

“I’m going to be his wife,” You argued.

“You aren’t tonight,” Elvis said. “Tonight we can…we can be who we were. We can feel the things we felt. And tomorrow, we’ll go back to being who we are.”

“Who are we?”

“Right now, we’re who we were.”

“Who were we?”

“We were in love. Weren’t we?”

Elvis slipped his arms around your waist, pulling you against him. You met his eyes and, for a moment, there was nothing. You looked at him and you felt like no time had passed. Like it hadn't been nearly a year between the time you saw him last and now. Your heart hammered wantonly against your rib cage and your body begged for him. There was a rush of excitement coursing through you that you hadn’t experienced since the day you left Memphis. It was exhilarating and it made you feel weightless.

“Why are you doing this to me?” You whispered.

“I need to feel the way you make me feel,” He confessed. “Just tell me you love me. You don’t have to mean it.”

“I love you…you know I mean it. But I can’t do this.”

“I think you need this as much as I do, you’re just afraid to let go.” His voice was low and tempting. “Don’t fight it, birdie.”

He hesitated before he kissed you again, his lips moving slowly against yours as you wrapped your arms around his neck. Nothing else mattered as he lifted you and carried you to bed.

All you wanted was to be close to him, to feel the desperation behind his touch. You knew you’d hate yourself for it, but you gave in to him completely—unbridled and unrestrained.

You undressed in a hurry, you couldn’t tell if it was an eagerness to be close to him or something else. You straddled him, wearing only your underwear as his hands roamed your body. His touch was familiar, and his lips tasted of nostalgia. You broke the kiss and gazed down at him. You wanted to know what he was thinking. You wanted to know if he was feeling everything you were feeling.

You felt like crying, suddenly overwhelmed. Despite him being right in front of you, you needed to know you weren’t alone.

“It’s okay,” He whispered when he noticed your tearsq. “I got you.”

He kissed you more gently than he did before, but you didn’t want him to. You didn’t want him to be gentle.

He kissed your neck, continuing to trail kisses down your chest and stomach before slipping his fingers under the thin band of your underwear. You breathed shallowly—stripped of your final piece of dignity. He ran a cold finger through your arousal and left a kiss between your legs. You tensed as you anticipated his touch. He wrapped both arms around your thighs and soon you were tensing with pleasure. Once upon a time he’d have you falling apart on his tongue with very little effort and in no time at all. You weren’t that girl anymore—you needed more. You let him have his fun before you rushing him along.

“Easy,” He complained, trying to slow you down.

“Do it now,” You persisted, ignoring his expression as you sat up and took the condom from his hand. If he was going to protest he stopped short when you pushed him back and straddled him, looking down at him beneath you. You leaned forward to kiss him but pulled away after a moment to tear the condom open. He swore under his breath, his hips canting at the stimulation as you rolled it on. You wasted no time letting him enter you.

“Goddamnit, birdie~”

“Don’t talk.”

He tried to meet your eyes but you refused. This wasn’t about him, it was about fulfilling something within yourself—you just didn’t know what it was.

He forced you still, lifting his hips to thrust slowly inside of you. You cried as the pleasure grew more intense. You felt yourself surrendering what little control you had of the situation—you didn’t want to. But the more that knot in the pit of your stomach tightened the less grounded you became.

“Slow,” He instructed in a whisper, freeing you to move on your own. You followed his instructions, meeting his deep thrust until you were trembling. Your fingers twitched around his neck and he nodded—you gave in and tightened your grip just enough.

He encouraged you to continue, his voice straining slightly as he met your thrusts.

You admitted defeat and leaned forward until your chest was pressed against his—letting him take control. He hugged you close, leaving you powerless as he thrusted deeply. He watched your expression the whole time, watching you fall apart.

It was all too much—his touch, his smell, the way his eyes bore so deeply into your soul that you felt connect by something greater than yourself.

It was an intense disaster that left you feeling breathless and completely spent.

You stared at the ceiling afterward, neither of you saying a word. The heat of the moment was gone and you were left with the cold, dreadful weight of reality.

“Don’t get lost, birdie,” Elvis said after a while. You turned your head to find his eyes on yours.

You shifted onto your side, facing him. “I don’t know why you call me that.”

“Birdie?”

“Yes.”

He smiled softly, reaching out and stroking your cheek. “Because you’re delicate, like a baby bird.”

“You think I’m weak.”

“No. I think you’re sensitive and emotional. But I don’t think you’re weak.”

“Sensitive and emotional,” You repeated incredulously, a smile forming on your face.

“It’s not a bad thing,” Elvis chuckled. “It’s what I love about you.”

Your smile faltered. “Don’t say that.”

“It’s the truth~”

“Please don’t say that.”

You sighed, closing your eyes as guilt started to form in your gut. You shouldn’t have been there, you shouldn’t have let things go as far as they did. But it was too late. The act had already been done and you would have to face the consequences.

You sat up, holding the duvet over yourself as you gathered your discarded clothes. “U-Uhm, can I use the bathroom?”

Elvis silently nodded in the direction of the bathroom.

You stood and scurried inside before closing and locking the door. You sighed, leaning back against the door. You tried not to let your mind wonder as you forced yourself to clean up and get dressed. When you left the bathroom you found Elvis dressed in a robe with his arms crossed.

“I want you to stay here.” You couldn’t make out his tone.

“I can’t.” You sat down on the end of the bed to put your shoes on.

“Why not?” He continued when you didn’t answer. “Running off won’t fix anything. Damage is done, you might as well stay.”

“I’m not running.”

“Yes you are.”

You scoffed and stood. “Don’t start, E.”

“I’m not starting anything.” He kept his arms crossed as he walked towards you. “I’m telling you like it is.”

“What do you want me to do, spend the night?”

“Yes.”

“Why? You got what you wanted, didn’t you?”

“Did you? What the hell were you expecting?” He asked, narrowing his eyes and stopping in front of you. “You’re a hypocrite.”

You looked up at him, your gaze unwavering. “I’m here because you called me. I don’t know, I guess I hoped you’d be different. But you haven’t changed at all.”

“It has to be exhausting making your problems everyone else’s,” He said with a patronizing laugh. “It’s everyone’s fault but yours, all the time.”

“No, this was my fault. I expect too much from you, I always have.”

“You’re forcing a fight because you regret what just happened.”

You shook your head, looking away. Elvis stepped closer and took your chin in his hand.

“I know you, birdie,” He said. “I know what’s going on inside that pretty little head of yours.”

“Then you know why I have to leave.” Your voice sounded feeble to your own ears.

��I know why you want to leave.” He nodded. “But I promise that leaving won’t make that thing you’re feeling go away.”

You were silent.

“Stay with me t’night,” He insisted. “T’morrow you can pretend this never happened.”

“I’ll never be able to pretend this never happened.” You sighed sitting back down on the bed.

He sat down next to you and put his arm around you.

“I’ve tried so hard to forget you,” You continued. “I can’t count how many nights I’ve stayed awake crying over you. Even after all this time, I can’t help but…You shouldn’t have this hold on me. I’ve finally gotten to a place in my life where you aren’t the first thing I think about in the morning and you show up and take that all away~”

He cut you off. “You don’t think I’ve had sleepless nights? I’ve worried about you every night since you left. I didn’t know where you were, if you’d gotten hurt. I couldn’t sleep until Dawn told me you were safe. And even then, knowing you were okay didn’t make it hurt any less. I loved you.”

“I have a life now.”

“Okay, how’s that going for you?”

“You don’t get to judge me.”

“If you feel judged, that’s on you. You came here because there’s a part of you that isn’t happy. If you were, you wouldn’t’ve jeopardized what you have with~”

“I am happy,” You stressed. “I’ve learned to love someone other than you. I have, and I do~”

“But?” He waited for you to continue.

You sighed in frustration. “Do you have to make me feel insane all the time?”

“I’m just tryna get you to face the truth.”

“I know the truth.”

“Okay.”

You closed your eyes and suddenly you felt him kiss your cheek.

“Stay,” He whispered against your skin.

“He’ll call to check on me,” You stressed. “I can’t.”

“He won’t.” If his words were meant to comfort you they had the opposite effect. He reached down to remove your shoes. After they were off he proceeded to strip you of your dress as well, leaving you only in your underwear.

You shivered as the two of you moved to lay on top of the unmade bed. You laid with your back against his chest, his arms wrapped securely around you. You laid in silence until you inevitably started to give in to your exhaustion. You fought to stay awake, to hold on to the moment for just a little while longer.

But soon, you fell asleep in Elvis’ arms…for the last time.

*

You woke the next morning to find a plain white envelope resting on the pillow beside your head. You lifted the envelope to read the name scribbled across the front.

Birdie.

You sat up slowly, searching the room with your eyes. You were alone. You opened the envelope to find a familiar necklace—holding two rings and a diamond-studded lark charm. You immediately folded the envelope shut and rushed to get dressed. You wanted to be out of the room in case he returned.

You needed to get out as fast as possible. You heard Elvis’ voice from the night before telling you that you couldn’t outrun the guilt you felt—but that didn’t stop you from trying. As you left the room, you left the envelope where it was. You didn’t want it, and leaving it made you feel better. When you walked out of the room you ran into Jerry, who had seemingly been waiting outside the door.

“Oh, hey,” He said, pushing off of the wall.

“J-Jerry,” You stammered, embarrassed.

“He asked me to make sure you made it back.” He interrupted.

“Oh…it’s just right there~”

“I gave him my word.” He interrupted again.

You nodded awkwardly. “Okay then.”

Jerry nodded his head in return. “After you.”

You turned and started walking back to your room. There was an awkward silence as he watched you cross the hall.

“Thanks,” You said when you got there.

“I’ll be around when you leave for Dawn’s. Just give me a shout when you go.” He turned to walk away without another word.

“J-Jerry,” You said before he left. “I’m sorry~”

“Don’t~”

“I know Joel’s your cousin a-and you shouldn’t have to be dragged into this~”

“Don’t apologize,” He said. “Not to me anyway.”

“I’m going to tell him.”

“You should.”

You shifted awkwardly. “I-I don’t want you to think~”

“I don’t think anything,” He said. “It’s a shame, of course but Joel…he’s just a kid.”

You were confused by his response. “Is that what you think?”

He shifted. “I wouldn’t have told E where he worked if I didn’t think he’d get over losing you.”

“What’s that mean? Was this some kind of set up?”

“No…this was always gonna happen.”

You were in shock as he walked away, he seemed completely unapologetic about his role in this entire situation. You felt like an idiot.

You cut the trip short for yourself and called Dawn to let her know. She was sad for you go and made you promise to call. You drove home in silence, the sound of your engine ticking the only thing filling the empty space. You heard Joel’s voice in the back of your mind scolding you for not driving the car enough and causing the tick. He’d pretend to be angry for a moment, then he’d smile and tell you he’d fix it. But only if you promised to “reward his generosity”.

Tears formed in your eyes but you forced them away. You tried to hold them in but ultimately failed when you walked into your house.

You were officially back to reality.

Tears blurred your vision as you showered, cleansing yourself of Elvis’ touch once and for all. You had a knot in the pit of your stomach, it hurt.

You crawled into bed and stayed there for the remainder of the day—well into the night. You didn’t move to eat or even to use the bathroom. You felt detached from yourself and everything else.

Seeing Elvis again, being with him…it made you realize that, maybe, everything you thought you outran had been with you all this time.

The ghost of him and your love had been haunting you since the day you left. It clung to you and showed itself in ways that went unnoticed. It showed itself in the way you loved Joel. It showed itself in the way you waited for your relationship to crash and burn—ignited by the fire you started, the fire you fed.

The ghost of your love for him showed itself in the way you second guess yourself. It showed itself in the way you never thought you knew what was best. Although you had grown to trust yourself more, there was still an infinitesimal part of you that you had every right not to trust. That part of you that was still infected.

You were haunted by him in everything you did. He saw that the moment he laid eyes on you again. He knew that if he called, you’d come.

A lifetime of observation could not aid you in explaining the things you’d do for Elvis Presley. He made you weak, being able to admit that didn’t make you hate it any less.

When the phone rang that night you let it go on ringing. You couldn’t force yourself out of bed in time to catch it anyway. You imagined it was Joel calling, shocked to hear that you’d left Memphis. You cried until you fell asleep. Startling awake from nightmares that you couldn’t remember the details of when you woke.

It was a miserable night filled with shame, regret, and fear.

*

“There you are.”

“You’re early.”

Joel smiled as you met him at the door, dropping his bags before engulfing you in a hug.

You laughed and returned the embrace. “I didn’t expect you until later. I would’ve gotten dressed.”

After spending the last day and a half lying in bed you had only just started getting ready..

“You look perfect.” Joel pulled away from the hug enough to look down at you. “I missed you.”

“You’re only saying that.” You adjusted his collar, avoiding his eyes. “Seems like Bibby kept you busy this weekend.”

“Not too busy to think of you.” He cupped your chin in his hand, tilting your head and kissing you.

You kissed him back, but something felt…off. You felt off.

“What’s wrong?” You hadn’t even noticed that he’d broken the kiss.

“Nothing.” You forced a smile. “I missed you too.”

You stood up on your toes and kissed him again before pulling away to grab one of his bags.

“Don’t worry, sugar, I’ll get it.”

“I got it.” You chuckled, picking up the smallest bag.

He grabbed his suitcase, watching you with an amused expression. “Don’t hurt yourself, now.”

You laughed, walking ahead of him into the bedroom. Before you could take the bag to the closet Joel was already wrapping his arm around your waist. He pulled you towards the bed, making you drop the carryall in the process.

You complained as he plopped down on the bed with you in his arms, your robe nearly coming undone. “Don’t do that.”

“Something I ain’t seen before under there?” He teased, laying on his side facing you.

“You surprised me, that’s all.”

“How was the trip back?”

“Okay.”

“I’m sorry I left.”

“You couldn’t help it.”

He propped himself up on his elbow. “What’d you get up to while I was gone?”

You hesitated for a moment. “…Nothing.”

His eyebrows drew together. “You didn’t make book club on Sunday?”

“No.”

“Did you go to dinner with Sinclair and Marc?”

“No.”

He looked disappointed. “Well…why not?”

You shrugged. “When I drove back the car was making that ticking sound again.”

“I don’t like when you’re alone while I’m gone.”

“I was fine, Jo, honestly.”

“I know, still I don’t like picturing you by yourself all weekend.” He sighed. “It makes me feel bad.”

“Don’t feel bad,” You said. “I can take care of myself.”

His eyes were focused past you, his lips pursed.

“Baby,” You said, making him meet your eyes. “I promise.”

“I worry about you.”

“I’m sorry.”

He shook his head, putting his arm over your waist. “It’s okay.”

“The car is ticking, though.” You reiterated.

“It’s your fault for not driving it,” He said, a trace of a smile on his face. “You’re killing the engine.”

You smiled without effort for a moment.

“If you ain’t gonna drive it, I might as well let it go to shit,” He said, making you laugh. “I’m serious. Or sell it, one.”

“I take it out as often as I can,” You said. “You’ll fix it for me, won’t you?”

“Only if I’m generously compensated for my labor.”

“How will I ever repay you?”

“I have a few ideas.”

“…At least wash the airport off first.”

Joel laughed, kissing your cheek before going to shower. “I’ll be right back. Don’t go anywhere.”

“I’m not going anywhere,” You promised as he disappeared into the bathroom. Your smile faded slowly as that feeling returned, that guilty feeling. You had hoped it would go away when Joel got home. You’d hoped that if you tried, you could move on and forget the whole thing ever happened. But his presence seemed to have the opposite effect.

The feeling was growing more intense.

No matter how hard you tried to ignore it, it was still there. It made everything feel different, even as you made love that afternoon. If Joel noticed that something was off he didn’t say anything. He held you like he usually did and made you laugh as he told you about his trip. You couldn’t keep up as he jumped from story to story, your mind was too preoccupied by the secret driving a wedge between the two of you. As you listened to him, you wondered if he noticed.

“I told him I’d deal with it tomorrow.” You tuned back in to what he was saying. “I’m technically supposed to be off for three days after traveling jobs but he’s up a creek with this one.”

“You’re always there for him,” You said. “He’s lucky to have you.”

“I guess.”

“No, he really is.”

He laughed a little, kissing your bare shoulder. “I love you.”

You don’t deserve him.

You closed your eyes. “I love you too.”

“Let’s go out tonight,” He suggested.

“I was going to cook.”

“I want to take you out.”

“Do you think I’ll go insane if I don’t leave the house?” You asked, looking over your shoulder.

“No.” He smiled. “You should get out anyway.”

“I guess I’ll get ready.”

“Ten minutes.” He tightened his grip on you. “I don’t wanna let you go.”

“Five minutes.”

“Fifteen.”

“That’s not how negotiations work~”

“Fine, I guess twenty will just have to do.”

You laughed as he threw his leg over yours for good measure. “Is this why you’re Bibby’s top sales negotiator?”

“Yeah, I just hold folks down until they give in,” He said. “It’s working, isn’t it?”

“It’s working,” You chuckled, laying your head down. You’re a liar and a cheat. You don’t deserve him. “I love you.”

“I love you too.” He kissed your shoulder again. “I love love you.”

“Love love, huh?”

“Love love love, even.”

“That’s just overkill.”

He laughed. “There’s no such thing when it comes to you.”

You don’t deserve~

“I love love love you too.”

*

You had to tell him. You knew that was the only way to put an end to the guilt threatening to consume you.

You couldn’t eat, you couldn’t sleep, you were anxious all the time. Keeping a secret of that magnitude wasn’t an option—it was killing you.

Things had been going so well. Convention season was over, Joel was home more often and you were happy. As happy as you could manage to be. You tried to find a moment to break the news, but there was no such thing as a good time in this situation.

Joel had been working all morning when you decided to bite the bullet. You figured it would be the best since he didn’t have work for a couple days. Not that having time off would make it any easier on him. You were grasping for any reason to either put off or justify telling him. There was no right time or place.

You were pacing in the kitchen when he got home, a worried look on your face.

“Hey,” He said, meeting you.

“How was your day?”

“It was a day.” He sighed tiredly, kissing your cheek. “Bibby’s secretary—his cousin Marcy, you know her—she got something mixed up with the books. He doesn’t think they’ll break even unless we get a few more cars off the lot before the end of the month. He wants me to come back today and help him. He said he’d call but I think I’ll just go.”

You deflated before you could think not to.

“Is that okay?” Joel asked. “I don’t have to, I was just tryna help if I could~”

“N-No, it’s fine.”

“What’s wrong?”

You shook your head. “Nothing, it can wait.”

“Can it?” He asked. “You look upset.”

“I’m not.” You lied. “It’s fine.”

“Tell me.” You stepped back when he reached out for you. “Baby, what is it?”

“I’m sorry,” You said, leaning against the counter behind you. “I-I’ll tell you later.”

“I want you to tell me now.” He insisted. His expression grew more concerned when he saw the tears forming in your eyes.

“I’m sorry,” You repeated. “I’m so sorry, Joel.”

“Why are you crying?” He asked, stepping forward and putting his hands on your shoulders.

You met his worried eyes. “I-I…I had an affair.”

He didn’t hear you at first and he ducked his head when you looked away, trying to meet your eyes. “You what?”

“I had an affair,” You stated more clearly.

He looked confused when you looked up. “…With who?”

You swallowed harshly, you didn’t want to say it, but you forced it out. “E-Elvis~”

The phone rang, startling you. Joel was frozen for a moment before he pulled away from you to answer.

“H-Hello?” He turned his back to you. “Bibby, I…yeah, I-I know, I can be there if you just give me half an hour…Just~ yeah….yeah. For fuck’s sake, Bibby, okay.”

He slammed the phone back on the hook, standing there without moving.

“Joel~”

“Don’t…don’t say anything to me.” He walked away, towards the bedroom.

You followed him with a string of futile apologies leaving your lips. “I don’t know what’s wrong with me~”

“Elvis Presley.” He stopped suddenly and faced you. “You had an affair…with Elvis fucking Presley?”

“I can explain~”

“Who are you?” He looked angry, but hurt shone through his expression more clearly.

“It’s me, Joel.” You reached out for him but he avoided your touch. “I’m me.”

“Have I not done right by you?” He asked, stepping away from you. “Have I not done everything I could~”

“You have~”

“When?”

You fell silent, frozen. You felt like cowering under his gaze.

“When?” He demanded.

“When you were in Virginia with Bibby.”

“As soon as I left?”

“N-No~”

“Why?”

“I don’t know.”

“Don’t say you don’t know!” You startled in surprise at his sudden change of tone. “People don’t do this kinda shit for no reason.”

“I-I d-don’t know,” You stammered.

“Yeah, okay.” He walked away. “You don’t know? Alright, fine.”

Joel had never yelled at you in all the time that you’d known him. Even when you argued he’d never raise his voice.

You did this.

This was your fault.

You snapped out of your shock and followed him to the bedroom. You found him in the closet pulling his clothes off the rack by the hangers. “Please don’t leave.”

He scoffed, throwing the clothes onto the bed before dragging his suitcase out of the closet.

“Please,” You cried. “I’m s-sorry, I-I’ll~ I can explain.”

He zipped his clothes into the suitcase haphazardly. “I don’t want to hear anything from you. I don’t even want to see you right now.”

“It was a mistake. I regretted it as soon as it happened.”

“But it happened.” He stopped for a second. “It fucking happened.”

“I’m sorry.”

“It’s not okay.” He lifted the suitcase off the bed.

“Don’t go,” You continued to plead as you followed him out of the room.

“I have to.” He stopped at the front door and looked at you. “I have to go because I told Bibby I’d be there, and when I make a commitment, I honor that commitment.”

“I know~”

“It doesn’t matter what you say,” He said, the anger behind his voice already fizzling out and turning into hurt. “I love you, I trusted you, and you…It’s always been him, hasn’t it? Since the day you left Memphis.”

“No~”

“You left because of him.” He sounded so sure. “This whole time, I’ve had this feeling—since we met in that restaurant. This feeling that you were hiding something~

“No~”

“~I couldn’t figure it out. I didn’t care, because I loved you. And I thought you loved me~”

“I do love you,” You insisted.

“But you love him too…don’t you?”

The tears you wanted to cry finally formed in your eyes. “I love you, Joel. I only want you.”

Joel nodded, balling his lips as tears threatened to form in his eyes. “I just don’t believe you.”

Your stomach dropped when he turned to leave. The thing you had feared the most was happening and it was your fault.

He was leaving you.

You spoke through a broken sob. “I-I know I messed up a-and it’s my fault. I hate myself for h-hurting you, Joel, I just~ I-I don’t know what’s wrong with me.”

The room was silent for a moment aside from your sniffling. You felt Joel move towards you and you stepped away. Of course he’d comfort you, even now when you least deserved it. He took your wrists and pulled your hands from your face. You kept your head down as he took your face in his hands and thumbed away the tears.

Everything was caving in on you and you had no one to blame but yourself. Things were going so well. You were happy, you were in love, and you ruined it.

You ruin everything.

Joel shocked you by tilting your head back and kissing you. You gripped the front of his shirt, tasting your own tears on his lips.

He stopped suddenly and met your eyes—tear stained and full of shame and regret. He pulled away as if he’d come to his senses all of a sudden. Without so much as another, he turned around and picked up his abandoned suitcase—leaving you there alone and completely shattered.

[headfullofpresley]

Elvis Presley Masterlist

↠ this masterlist includes all my writing for elvis aaron presley. most of my writing is NOT suitable for minors, so if you’re under 18, please kindly move along. all of my stories are afab!reader, but other than that, my writing is for everyone - reader’s skin/hair/eye color or body types are never mentioned in my works unless stated beforehand.

do not copy, repost, modify or translate any of my writing, thank you! 

scroll down to the bottom of this post to read what topics i will not write about!

☁️ - fluff

♡ - smut

💀 - angst

🩸 - supernatural/gore

♫ - based on songs

Started: 9/22/22

Updated: 02/24/23

Series

↠ You And Me, Kid | 🩸 ♡ 💀 | Series, ongoing | Part 2, part 3, part 4, part 5, part 6, part 7, part 8, part 9, part 10, part 11, part 12, part 13, part 14

↳ Your wish is finally granted when the man you’ve been sleeping with gifts you immortality. This is all you ever wanted, but are you strong enough to fight the urges that come along with it? | ft. Jerry Schilling | inspired by The Vampire Diaries and The Originals | SLOW UPDATES!!

↠ Oceans Apart | 💀 ♡ ☁️ | Series, ongoing | Part 2, Part 3, Part 4, Part 5, Part 6

↳ After three years of living in Memphis with your parents, you and your first serious boyfriend are forced to seperate ways. Will you and Elvis find your way back to each other? | European!reader, Colonel’s niece!reader

Mini series

↠ Good Rockin' Tonight | ♡ 💀 | Part 2, Part 3

↳ What started out as a night spend together with America's heartthrob turns into something much more difficult, but who said love was ever easy?

Headcanons

Dating 50s!Elvis

A Graceland Christmas Eve

New Year's Eve with Elvis

Elvis and Caroline

Witch!Elvis

One shots

↠ Puppet On A String | 💀 ♫ | One shot

↳ Being young and in love, you’ll do anything to keep the man you love in your life. Even if that means losing yourself along the way | Inspired by Taylor Swift’s Dear John

↠ Try It Out | ♡ | One shot

↳ You and Elvis are young lovers in the 1950′s, often having to sneak out of the house due to your parents not being fond of him. As any young couple, you two like to experiment; his pink Cadillac your favorite place to do so

↠ Strawberry Milkshake | ♡ | One shot

↳ You and Elvis are the it-couple of Hollywood these days and when you two get bored behind the gates of your Beverly Hills home, you go out to seek adventure in public | Actress!reader

↠ Little Sister | ♡ 💀 ☁️  ♫ | One shot

↳ Your older sister invites you to stay with her and her boyfriend in Hawaii during your summer break; the boyfriend that you’ve been crushing on ever since he was introduced to the family. Seems like you hadn’t been the only one carrying those feelings | club!singer Elvis | inspired by Elvis Presley’s Little Sister

↠ Good Boy | ♡ | One shot

↳  While on military leave, Elvis discovers a whole new side of himself with the help of a pretty little showgirl in Paris | sub!Elvis, soft dom!reader

↠ Body and Soul | ♡ 💀 ☁️  ♫ | One shot

↳  When the demons inside of your head try to drag you down, Elvis is there to lift you back up | plus size!reader | inspired by Ariana Grande’s pov

↠ Love Bites | ♡ 🩸 | One shot

↳  You hated moving from the big city to the small pictersque town that is Mystic Falls, until two gorgeous men volunteer to make you feel right at home | ft. Damon Salvatore | vampire!Elvis

↠ Lavender Haze | ♡ ☁️ | One shot

↳  You had never been one to use dating apps, preferring to meet someone out in the real world but when your best friend signs you up for Tinder, your curiosity gets the best of you. You never expected that the first date you’d go on was going to last a little longer than just one night | modern!Elvis

↠ First Man | ☁️ ♫ | One shot

↳  One day, little girls will grow up but no matter how big they get, their father will always be the one who hung the moon and stars | Dad!Elvis, daughter!reader

↠ Ruin Me | ♡ | One shot

↳ You knew it was wrong. He was your father’s friend and fifteen years older, but you always got what you wanted and this time, you had your sights set on him

↠ To The Grave | 💀 | One shot

↳ Your brother doesn't like you dating around in general, but he has a particularly bad feeling about the guy from work who takes you to the Memphis fair | brother!Elvis

↠ Paper Rings | ☁️ ♡ | One shot

↳ Your boyfriend surprises you with tickets to a Taylor Swift show. And then some | modern!Elvis

↠ When Two Worlds Collide | 💀 ♡ | One shot

↳ In times of heartache and war, you never expected to fall in love. Especially not with a man that was supposed to be the enemy

↠ Take Me Home | ♡ 💀 | One shot

↳ After finding out the masked hero you've been crushing on is your best friend, you realise it was never Spiderman that you've been in love with | Spiderman!Elvis

↠ Always Here | 💀 ☁️ | One shot

↳ After doing Vogue's “Life in Looks” and reminiscing on your life with Elvis and Caroline, your late husband makes sure you and your daughter know he's still around

↠ Show Me Your Teeth |🩸♡ | One shot

↳ Leaving Hungary behind to start a new life, you find yourself in a world that you thought never existed. The least thing you expected was to fall in love with a creature that had the reputation to be loveless.

↠ Midnight Kiss | ☁️ | One shot

↳ What better way than to ring in the new year with a kiss from a stranger?

↠ We'll Be Alright |🩸☁️ | One shot

↳ You and Elvis were complete opposites and far from friends, but sometimes death brings people closer together.

↠ Fight For Us | 💀 | One shot

↳ After your husband breaks both your trust and heart, you can't see him as the person you had always known anymore and decide to put an end to your long lasting marriage.

↠ Pretty Girls | ♡ | ft. Ann-Margret

↳ Elvis is back in LA after spending his days off in Memphis and you and your girlfriend happily welcome him home.

Requests

↠ Late Night Lovin’ | ♡ | One shot

↳ You and Elvis are still in the early stages of your relationship, missing each other every second that is spend apart. When he has a show 800 miles away, he calls you the night before and the conversation quickly turns into a little more action rather than words

↠ Little Bird | ☁️ | One shot

↳ Your daughter is stressed on the morning of her first piano recital; all she needed was her father to show her she had nothing to worry about | dad!Elvis

↠ God Given | ☁️ 💀 | One shot

↳ You’ve been suffering from Postpartum anxiety after giving birth to your daughter; luckily, your husband is there to help you every step of the way | dad!Elvis

↠ Cold Without You | ☁️ ♡ | One shot

↳ Maybe waking up early on a Saturday isn’t so bad after all.

↠ Bubble Wrap | ☁️ | One shot

↳ When Elvis finds out you’re pregnant, he makes it his mission to baby-proof every piece of furniture in the house | 1950s!Elvis

↠ Saturdays at Graceland | ☁️ |  One shot

↳ While giving Elvis a haircut, your daughter is more than willing to assist the way she knows best | dad!Elvis

↠ Happy fuckin’ Birthday | ♡ | One shot | Part 2 (Final)

↳ Elvis is needy during his birthday dinner and wants your attention, not caring about anyone else in the room | sub!Elvis, 50s!Elvis

↠ Mommy's Kissing Santa Claus | ☁️ ♡ | One shot

↳ Caroline considers Santa to be her own personal superhero, but she isn't too happy about catching him kissing you. Because no matter what, her Daddy will always be number one | dad!Elvis

↠ More Than Friends | ☁️ ♡ | One shot

↳ You and Elvis have been best friends since birth. You have been each others' first for pretty much everything so you couldn't picture yourself losing your virginity to anyone else | 50s!Elvis

↠ Just Us Three | ♡ | One shot

↳ It wasn't the first time you played Truth or Dare while intoxicated with your two closest friends, but things had never gone this far | ft. Scotty Moore

↠ The Beauty and The Damned |🩸♡ | One shot

↳ After months of dating, your vampire boyfriend finally gives you what you want

Elvis Presley’s movie characters

Mike Edwards | It Happened At The World’s Fair

↠ Take Me To The Fair | ☁️ ♡ | One shot

↳  Sue-Lin Ling will do anything to get her babysitter and her new best friend she meets at Seattle’s World Fair together. Even if it means sleeping without her beloved red friend for one night.

Chadwick Gates | Blue Hawaii

↠ Under the Hawaiian Sun | ♡ 💀 ☁️ | Part two coming .. someday.

↳  You and Chadwick have been best friends ever since you could remember but after the two of you added some benefits to the relationship, neither of you have the guts to confess your true feelings.

Vince Everett | Jailhouse Rock

↠Sinful Memories | ♡ | One shot

↳ You and your boyfriend of two years decide to spice things up in the bedroom because it's raining and what else is there to do other than making a little intimate amateur video?

Headcanons

Joe Lightcloud | Stay Away, Joe

i am a pretty open minded person and i will write about most things, but here are some things i will not write about:

Gladys Presley’s death (it may get mentioned in a fic, but not written out in detail)

Elvis' death, unless it's supernatural or stated beforehand.

Heavy drug use (some of my fics may include recreational drug use, such as smoking weed and maybe the use of other softer drugs, but that’s about it)

Abortion and miscarriage (i am pro-choice, but seeing as most of my fics take place in the 50s/60s/70s... you catch my drift?)

Non consensual sex, etc.

little Elvis/age regression. no judgement here, it's just not my cup of tea!

my requests are always open, though it might take some time for me to finish them!

IF YOU MADE IT THIS FAR; thank you, my darlin’! i love and appreciate you more than you know. don’t be shy to comment on my stories or shoot me a message! i love reading all of your comments and talking to y’all!

© headfullofpresley

[justinspoliticalcorner]

Avital Norman Nathman at Rewire:

Within hours of Vice President Kamala Harris’ announcement that she had chosen Minnesota Gov. Tim Walz as her running mate, Donald Trump’s followers mockingly dubbed him “Tampon Tim.” Named for a recent Minnesota law that provides free menstrual products in public schools, the opposition took joy in deriding a man who signed a bill that addresses a very real public health need. I can’t be the only one who has had to stuff scratchy, one-ply toilet paper in my underwear after an ill-timed or unexpected period while in school. In fact, I know there are others like me, because as a teen, not a month went by without a friend asking if I had a spare pad or tampon.

In the days after the Tampon Tim moniker gained momentum, many friends shared their own stories of menstrual malfunctions and humiliations, where access to free supplies would have been a lifesaver. According to Alliance for Period Supplies, which leads a national network of more than 140 independent, community-based nonprofits working to end period poverty, 86 percent of people who menstruate have started their period unexpectedly in public. So to find out that Minnesota public schools are now stocking bathrooms to ensure that students, teachers, and staff have the supplies they need? I don’t think it’s shameful in the least. It’s exemplary.

However, conservatives took a cursory look at the law and decided to run with the sensationalized spin that Walz was forcing fourth-grade boys to have tampons in their bathrooms. Grasping to find some way to sell this to their base, they infused a “trans panic” on the public health policy that states Minnesota public schools “must provide students with access to menstrual products at no charge. The products must be available to all menstruating students in restrooms regularly used by students in grades 4 to 12 according to a plan developed by the school district.” The language actually provides schools with flexibility, and nobody is being forced to use any products.

[...]

The shock and outrage over boys as young as 10 coming across a pad or tampon while at school is just a smokescreen for transphobia—because yes, there are most likely nonbinary or trans students, staff, and faculty who now really appreciate having access to health-care products they require. And perhaps, some schools will provide products in their boys’ restrooms, but as the mother of a teen son who “bravely” uses the bathroom in our home with unfettered access to tampons and pads of various sizes, I can tell you that the boys will be alright. Worst-case scenario, these young dudes get some free toys to play with. But best-case scenario, they grow up thinking of pads and tampons as boring and normal—because they are.

In our house, menstrual products aren’t dirty, gross, or shameful, just items needed on occasion. When I asked my son if he had heard of the Tampon Tim nickname, he thought it had actually come from the Harris camp as a positive endorsement, and laughed at the thought of anyone using it to ridicule someone.

[...]

Minnesota is not alone. The state joins Hawaii, California, Colorado, Connecticut, Maryland, New Jersey, New Mexico, Ohio, and Oregon in providing state-funded, free period products in public schools. Ten other states, along with Washington, D.C., require free products to be available in public schools despite not offering funding, and eight other states (including conservative-leaning ones like Alabama, Arizona, and Georgia) have no state mandates, but do provide funding for schools that want to offer free products. So while online critics may be attempting to attack Walz, more than 50 percent of states are tackling this public health need.

Why are the right obsessed with lobbing tampon attacks against Tim Walz? Their campaign against menstrual equity is part of their campaign of reinforcing traditional gender roles.

[falseandrealultravival]

Theodore Roosevelt, the no.1 president of the USA (Essay)

Theodore Roosevelt

In the sense of looking to the future and steadily laying the groundwork, Theodore Roosevelt could be said to have been the no.1 president of the USA. He recognized Japan, an emerging country with the same vitality as the USA, as an enemy, and laid the groundwork to defeat Japan.

When the USA forcibly annexed Hawaii, a Japanese fleet sounded the USA's accusations in Hawaii, and the USA broke out into a cold sweat for a moment. Theodore had not yet become president but considered Japan an "enemy that must be defeated." It can also be said that the USA's colonization of the Philippines, on top of the Spanish-American War, was also to create a siege around Japan.

Theodore's construction of the Panama Canal was also an aspect of the groundwork for a war against Japan. There was also a great military advantage in that it allowed fleets to travel freely between the Pacific and Atlantic Oceans.

When Japan annihilated Russia's Baltic Fleet in the Russo-Japanese War, Theodore embarked on a peace treaty. Still, it was not to save Japan, which had been exhausted by the war, but to save Russia, a fellow white nation, from complete defeat.

These measures bore fruit 50 years later, and the USA won a complete victory over Japan. His status as a president is different from that of D. Trump, who, like MAGA, repeats empty slogans and has no concrete measures.

Rei Morishita

2024.06.02

USAのナンバーワン大統領：セオドア・ルーズベルト（エッセイ）

将来を見据え、着実に布石を打っておく、という意味で、セオドア・ルーズベルトはＵＳＡのナンバーワン大統領であったと言える。彼はＵＳＡと同じように活力のあった新興国：日本をはっきり敵と認識し、日本を倒すための多くの布石を打った。

ＵＳＡがハワイを無理やり併合したとき、日本の艦隊がハワイでUSAの非を鳴らし、一瞬USAは冷や汗を書いた。このときセオドアは大統領になる前だったが、日本を「倒すべき敵」と考えた。USAが米西戦争のおまけにフィリピンを植民地化したのも日本包囲網を作るためだったとも言える。

セオドアがパナマ運河を作ったのも、対日本戦争の布石であったという側面がある。太平洋と大西洋を自在に艦隊が行き来できる点、軍事上のメリットも大きかったのだ。

日露戦争で、日本がロシアのバルチック艦隊を全滅させたとき、セオドアは講和に乗り出したが、日本が戦争で疲弊したのを救うためではなく、同じ白人国家のロシアを、完敗から救う意図があったのである。

これらの施策は、５０年後実を結び、USAは日本に完勝する。MAGAと、口先だけのスローガンを繰り返し、具体策はなにもないD.トランプとは、大統領としての格が違う。

[frida-kahl-of-the-rocky-horror]

I saw this back when I used to use Reddit (for animal crossing and trans+ stuff mostly), and I felt so honoured that they used my Florida flag redesign in this that I screenshotted it. But when I looked to find the original poster, they had deleted the post (likely because of negative replies, vexillology Reddit is scary).

They recreated the state flags to be more about symbolism and individuality rather than about aesthetics (which is the problem I see with a lot of over simplified state flags). All while keeping the flags that actually carry deep meaning and are beloved by the residents.

I’m not the biggest fan of Nebraska’s, Virginia’s, and Wisconsin’s, but all the others are wonderful (especially Florida’s… I will not apologize for being biased lol)

The original Reddit person’s caption:

“I kept some flags which I believe are currently great. Most of them are all over State merchandise, and people of these states carry a lot of state pride for these flags. They are:

1. Alabama

2. Alaska

3. Arizona

4. Arkansas

5. California

6. Colorado

7. lowa

8. Maryland

9. Mississippi

10. Missouri

11. New Mexico

12. Ohio, my home state! [not mine, OPs]

13. Rhode Island

14. South Carolina

15. Tennessee

16. Texas

17. Utah

18. Wyoming

19. District of Columbia [I believe you mean the Douglass Commonwealth]

20. Guam

21. The Northern Mariana Islands

22. Puerto Rico

I've switched some State’s boring Seal on a Bedsheet flags into their more popular historical ones. They are:

23. Conecticut ~ New England Flag

24. Hawaii ~ Kanaka Maoli

25. Maine ~ Original State Flag

26. Vermont ~ Green Mountain Boys Flag

27. Virginia ~ Gadsden Flag

28. West Virginia ~ Original State Flag

I've made a few tweaks to some existing flags so they look more unique / are more easily recognizable. They are:

29. Indiana ~ Golden Frame

30. New Jersey ~ Added Stripes

31. North Carolina ~ Un-Tex-ified

32. Oklahoma ~ Added Stripes

33. American Samoa ~ Added Southern Cross

I designed some using the Pan Cascade colours for the Pacific Northwest (BC will have the tree one). They are:

34. Idaho

35. Oregon

36. Washington

I borrowed some other designs which I found on here which I found beautiful. I mostly looked for flags which were designed by locals from the states that they are redesigning or included state symbols on their old flags. They are:

37. Florida [omg they chose mine!!!]

38. Georgia

39. Kansas

40. Kentucky

41. Louisiana

42. Michigan

43. Montana

44. Nevada

45. New Hampshire

46. New York

47. North Dakota [I prefer my communist flag better wajajaja]

48. Pennsylvania

49. South Dakota

50. Wisconsin

51. Virgin Islands

I left the flags currently in the process of a redesign blank, for, given the recent track record, any new flags are probably going to look amazing like Utah’s and Mississippi’s. They are:

52. Illinois [this is your reminder to vote for your new state flag if you’re from this state!!!]

53. Massachusetts [this is your reminder to vote for your new state flag if you’re from this state!!!]

54. Minnesota [this is your reminder to vote for your new state flag if you’re from this state!!!]

I kept one Seal on a Bedsheet flag to honour this horrid time in American vexillological history. That is:

55. Delaware

And lastly

56. Nebraska (idk)”

While I agree with most of the OP’s opinions, I think Nebraska’s flag would look better if it looked something like this:

Better designed of course, I made this on Pic Collage in like 5 minutes

Im not sure about Wisconsin and Virginia, I just know I’m not the biggest fan of either (since Virginia’s flag has a separate meaning and Wisconsin’s is just bland.

Let me know what you think!

And if you’re the OP of this, please let me know, I like your choices!!

[fanficfish]

micronations and their parent countries: a hetalia ramble

so i was thinking about this and couldn't find shit so here goes my headcanons

well it feels more like i'm stating facts but there's some headcanons in here and def since I haven't read the latest episodes properly. I'll probably make a proper headcanon list later

First off- i imagine them as like. What happens when a group of people get ambitious, and suddenly this personification pops up like some weird ritual. This post sums it up. I mostly agree with it.

anyways

Austria: from my parenting post: he's a lot better at ot it now, or maybe he just decided that trying tobdo anything to Kugel is just too much work. He's...definitely one of those parents with the slightly-feral child, and okay so he did try to profit off the kid but he does that with everything including his own famous composer, his own landmarks, and everything in between. Look, the kid's (usually) fed, has endless art supplies, and as long as he doesn't do anything too destructive Austria lets him be. Actually he and Sweden might be in kahoots, considering that time both Ladonia and Kugelmugel planned to do some construction work....(Veneziano is just a little jealous Kugel doens't have no-pasta punishments)

Speaking of Sweden: total pushover. Ladonia knows this. Sealand is learning this. If your eyes are big enough you WILL get the reward. But he's also best dad, such a dad, had a closet of dad stuff, we all know this he's a family man (Finland is the babysitter bestie that ends up at Sweden's half the time because the man lives in an IKEA and it's a little bit chaotic he won't lie) (I imagine they did quite a lot of renovation work to make the IKEA liveable, but that does beg the question: how many living rooms does Sweden have and can you imagine trying to leave Sweden's after a night of drinking- actually maybe that's why, Sweden was trying to do a social experiment on drunk Denmark-)

but anyways yeah, Finland lets Sweden deal with the children. His kids, his problem. It works, and anyways between them they already have Aland and all those other bits of their countries to deal with. Finland's got his hands full. Sweden's def the dad teaching you how to fix all the problems yourself though, Ladonia and Sealand def know how to unclog a toilet and change a sink pipe. Probably have the most human-like family experience, excluding NikoNiko. A sense of normalcy if you will.

America is more like the cool older cousin. He's already got 50 states and too many territories, why not add a few micronations? He and Canada treat the micros like the rest of their states minus the boring legislature stuff- their micronations can run wild, just don't cause problems, pay your taxes, and they can run themselves it's probably fiiiiine. I mean, look at Alaska and Hawaii! They're doing fine! Uh, don't look at Florida, or look at Quebec wrong. Though unlike the states and provinces, the gaggle of North America micronations tend to submit more to their ruling country considering 1. America and Canada are very very very strong and 2. Why try to fight for independence when you can chill out and have them do most of the work for you? Their states and provinces they reside in kinda just don't care too much, but Nevada and California are also Just Like That anyways, no comment on the Aerican Empire's colonization of Mars though. America and Canada keep some awareness of their micronations but unlike China and Japan, who have all their provinces with them in one house, it's spread over like....70 hours total....so for the NA bros, just an occassional check-in is usually fine to them. The micronations end up being a bit free-reign from this but America and Canada tend to be a little occupied being superpowers. America did get Molossia that weird pet of his as an apology a long time ago, and Canada sends maple flavored cookies to his micronations whenever he does a baking stream with America.

Australia: Probably the strictest of the parent countries, somehow. Cracks down on Hutt River's missed taxes, insists on the Wy Driveway Issue, etc. He's a wilderness hellscape trooper, alright? New Zealand is the cool uncle that's tired of playing parent so he lets everything be.

England looks at Sealand like his annoying little brother, or that little cousin you have to keep an eye on. He's plenty guilty for the whole war thing, but is usually too busy fighting France or America or restoring castles or dealing with royals to keep tabs on a child at the standard he'd prefer, so he lets Sweden handle Sealand most of the time. Sealand's first instinct is to bother England though, so that's that. It's actually kind of sweet, once you get past England's default mode being being pissed off by something and Sealand mouthing off on purpose to be The Problem (for attention). And England, despite his threats, will never leave Sealand out in the rain on his doorstep. To the point he's canonically sat through weird phone conversations. He's just...not ready to be essentially a parent again, after America and having to let go of Canada, Australia, India, New Zealand...... (he is also very scared of his family tree if he thinks about micronations)

Japan is an old man. He's a socially Awkward baby deer who's somehow in charge of all these prefectures and now he has to deal with NikoNiko poping up every so often???? Screw that! (He does give NikoNiko his personal number though. The kid might have a living family and micronation friends to hang with and the prefectures to bother, but Japan's still a believer in raising them right, and his door's open no matter how...odd....the circumstances are)

Seborga just hangs with the rest of Italy's former city-states. I headcanon that when Veneziano and Romano became the two prominant personifications for Italy, the others backed off like with Germany's older brothers uniting to form Germany, except the two already existed. Most of them disappeared, but a few stuck around and surrpsiingly because Seborga couldn't decide if he should be his own country or not he got to stick around too! Italy V doesn't mind and neither does Italy R, so Seborga finds himself quite relaxed with two older brothers, he's disappointed he doesn't get to grow up but he's probably the most "normal" of the micros and honestly? The Italies treat him like he's a state, so he's fine where he is in life. At least he gets to see his brotheres frequently enough

actually it was probably like he woke up to find out everyone was one country now, and was like "cool whatever i'll do the paperwork later", few asleep, and later on he was like "oh shoot" but Italy had unified and at some point Seborga kinda just accepted he was a micronation when his people went "yo" since he never actually signed anything and the Italies were like "lol thats funny yeah that's fine whatever". Oh gosh, does that make Seborga technically adoptively realted to Austria and by extension Germany and wait does that Make Kugel technically Seborga's cousin-

wait omg that one episode where Seborga asks Austria about Kugel.

welp that's enough for one day

idk thats it for now i need to catch up on the new guys.

[lover-girl-estxx]

Nick 40 x reader 24, going for the first time on a holiday together?

Fluff bit angsty?

Week Away

dating for 6 months

gif by me

"nick i can get it" i said was he grabbed my bag from the back of the rentle truck "stop I got it" he smiled walking it up the stairs, I rolled my eyes going up behind him. I put the code into the airbnb opening the door for him "this is nice" he said putting the bags to the side "it is!" I replied looking around and smiled. It was 80 in Hawaii unlike the cold 50 in Stockton, me and Nick had real cabin fever so we booked this for our first get away which lots thought it was a lot for our first together.

I was unpacking both our stuff in the room when Nick came in "baby you want to go to the store and get it over with then go to the beach?" he asked "yeah one sec i'm gonna change into something cooler" he smiled "K i'll be waiting" I nodded. "oh I like that" he said pulling his phone down looking at my short loose dress I lightly laughed grabbing my purse was he kissed my neck "okay come on" I grabbed his hand behind me pulling him out the door. He got in putting on sublime before driving down the beach road putting a hand on my thigh "this is great" I said smiling "I know...really pretty" he nodded still keeping his eyes on the road "to bad people here don't like me to much" he added smirking "what do you mean?" I looked over to him he looked at me smiling "I beat they're boy BJ penn" "I think they may have forgot about that.... you want to know something werid?" I smiled "what?" "I watch that fight and I was 13" I laughed "I hate when you do that," he chuckled pulling into a parking spot "..did you think I was cute?" I laughed again " yes I did".

| Nicks POV |

She held her phone with the list on it, trying to grab a can from the top shelf "Nicky?"she asked softly I was aready behind her grabbing it for her "tha-" she was cut off "you on a father daughter trip Diaz?" a guy said with a smirk "dude grow the fuck up go somewhere" I put ot in the cart pushing it forward "just saying" I wanted to punch the guy but not with Y/n here. She sighed "can we never leave the house" she said I sighed starting to put the food on the counter.

I was sitting on the porch while Y/n ws in th kitchen cutting fruit, I heard her groan throwing something on the counter. I went in there her phone was there I looked at it 'Nick Diaz and young girlfriend seen at store in Hawaii' "dude stop with this" I said "15 people sent it to me" I grabbed her phone putting it in the drawer she looked up at me and lightly smiling I cupped both her cheeks and kissed her. "come on lets go to the water" I said on her lips "k lets go".

We were in the water she was swimming and I could still touch she laughed "I feel like I will drowned by the end of this week" I scoffed a laugh I wrapped my arms around her waist holding her against me, hers around my neck from the side "thanks for this trip old man" I rolled my eyes "your welcome mamas" I smiled kissing her water hair "love you" she looked up and pecked my lips "love you!".

I was laying in the hammock looking out on my water hand behind my head,Y/n came over standing above me holding a book and wearing a smile. "can I lay with you?" she asked softly I smiled "yeah baby" I put my arm out for her to lay on , she got in next to me laying her head on my shoulder "hows your book my love?" "it's great I like it" she looked up at me "good" I nodded "you know I brought you a book in case you got bored" "did you?" "yeah you want me to get it for you?" she gave hope full eyes "i'll try don't know how much i'll really read" she smiled hoping up "i'll be right back!".

"it's a little cold" she said coming out in her swimsuit to the hot tub, she got in and sat in my lap laying her head on my chest " I like this suit on you" I smiled "yeah?" she looked at me I nodded she kissed my cheek "love you Nicky" she whispered with a smile "Love you mamas" I smiled and kissed her head.

a/n I don't know what i'm doing

[vintagepresley]

I’ve only seen a few Elvis movies so far, but I was curious how you would rank them? From best to worst. :)

Oooh.. Which ones have you seen? Also, I'd love to rank his movies! This will be fun. 😂

These are how I rank them personally. But I'd love to hear everyone else's rankings! I will be ranking the movies from the 50's first and then do the 60's, because his movies in the 50's are honestly my favorite because the stories actually made sense and weren't rushed and you can tell he actually cared.

The 50's - From best to worst

King Creole (Baby acted his ass off in this and the story was great!)

Jailhouse Rock (I really loved this because I could hope that he would've taken charge of his career the way Vince did without the asshole part. Another where the story was great.)

Loving you (He was just too darn cute in this movie with his little stuttering and I love that his parents were in it. Deke has my heart.)

Love Me Tender (Spoiler: this gets worst because he dies 😭)

The 60's - From best to worst

1. Follow That Dream (Does this even need an explanation? You guys know how much I love this movie and not even for the story. It's my comfort movie)

2. Girls! Girls! Girls! (This was the very first Elvis movie I saw and I hold it dear to my heart. I would play Return to Sender on repeat, lol)

3. Wild in the Country (I know this is like 50/50 for people but I really loved this movie. The story was great and his acting was amazing.)

4. G.I Blues (God.. This movie.. He.. Yeah, he looked fine as hell. Story was okay. The songs are my fave.)

5. Live a Little, Love a Little (This was the second Elvis movie I saw and honestly is a favorite!! Bernice is insane BUT I STAN. Greg Nolan is my baby.)

6. It Happened at the World's Fair (This movie was so cute and funny. I always love him in movies with kids! 😭)

7. The Trouble with Girls (DO I EVEN NEED TO EXPLAIN?!!? HIS EYES WERE SPARKLING. THE SUITS)

8. Change of Habit (Okay, I feel like this movie is incredibly underrated and AE made it seem like it was so terrible. But I personally loved this movie because of its serious story and plot. It was also a different character we've seen Elvis play. I think had there been no songs at all, this would've been taken more seriously. He also looked good af.)

9. Flaming Star (Despite the stereotypes and well everything else that would get this movie canceled.. I actually enjoyed it a lot. It was certainly different for Elvis. If I remember correctly, Tarantino said this was his favorite Elvis western because it was the most violent.)

10. Kid Galahad (This movie was good and another different character for him. But I'm not into boxing so it was kind of boring to me)

11. Blue Hawaii (I really enjoyed this movie, but I don't love it as much as everyone does. I don't get the hype and I also think Can't Help Falling In Love is overplayed and overrated. He's got so many better love songs. But that's just my opinion! This movie still gets a good ranking though.)

12. Viva Las Vegas (I enjoyed this movie! But much like Blue Hawaii I don't get the hype. It's not my favorite but definitely not the worst)

Now let's get into the movies that in my personal opinion were the worst. Now that doesn't mean I didn't enjoy them. Even with the stories not being great; some of them were funny!

13. Fun in Acapulco (This movie was enjoyable but the story could've been better and I didn't really like a lot of the songs.)

14. Roustabout (I just found this movie so boring and I'm not surprised the colonel loved it. But Elvis looked HOT.)

15. Girl Happy (I really enjoyed this but again the story wasn't great and his character wasn't anything special. But if you want a few laughs this is a good one. ALSO ELVIS IN A DRESS!!!) 16. Tickle Me (this movie was so funny and Elvis always has perfect comedic timing. It reminded me of Scooby Doo. But unfortunately the story was meh they also used songs from one of his old albums because they had nothing written for the film)

17. Spinout (This movie was okay, a few laughs. But nothing too special besides him threatening to spank someone, lol. Basic Elvis character.)

18. Speedway (A few good songs, but kinda boring to me)

19. Frankie and Johnny (I really liked the aesthetic of this film and some of the songs, but it certainly wasn't the best. He looked horrid in that yellow sweater lmfao)

20. Paradise, Hawaiian Style (I enjoyed the songs and his interaction with the little girl. It was too cute! A few good laughs, but nothing to rave about)

21. Stay Away, Joe (This movie was so ridiculous and stupid, but also funny as hell to me because of how ridiculous it was. Another one that would be cancelled. But Elvis looked so good lol)

22. Clambake (SNOOZE FEST. Stupid story also Elvis tried to get out of making this movie. So much drama behind the scenes of this, lol. He was fat shamed. His character.. I don't even know.)

23. Charro! (This movie could've been great since they weren't really any songs, Elvis' acting was great and he looked good with a beard. But the story was just so boring.)

24. Double Trouble (This movie was funny but that's about it. Story was eh)

25. Kissin' Cousins (Jesus Christ.. Where do I even begin with this movie? We should not be hooking up with our cousins first off, LMFAO. The only good thing was Jodie. 😂)

26. Harum Scrum (I DONT EVEN NEED TO EXPLAIN THIS DUMPSTER FIRE. I hate this movie, lol. 2.99 WASTED. Like wtf was this?? It was so bad Elvis gave up acting in the middle of it lol.)

Now let's rank the concert docs for funsies!

Elvis on Tour (THIS IS MY BABY. The amount of times I watch this is unhealthy. He's so fucking sexy in it and just watching him at all these shows doing what he loves. Ugh. The shot of him staring out the window and kind of just lost in thought.. It just makes me want to hold him.)

That's The Way It Is (The first concert doc I watched. This is just amazing. The album alone is my favorite. But seeing him up on that stage giving it his all and having so much fun doing it warms my heart.)

Aloha From Hawaii via Satellite (I know this technically isn't a concert doc but it belongs on this list. Do I even need to say how amazing this was??? How good he looked?? This certainly is underrated.)

Honorable mention

Elvis In Concert - (I wish they would release this because it only aired once I believe on October 3rd, 1977. But that was it. You can watch it on YouTube because someone remastered it and fixed the audio as best as they could. But It'd be nice if EPE would just release the actual footage and have CBS or RCA remaster it. Despite how ill he was he still put on a performance no matter what. He still wanted to make the fans happy. But I understand why they don't really want it out there.)

Sorry this was so long and I don't know if you wanted my actual opinions on them. But I felt I might as well give them, lol. Thanks for the question, bestie!

[ssj2hindudude]

where would the Potaotes (1st and 2nd Gen) go for vacations? Their dream vacation. Oh it must be set in the real world because their getting away from the magic and the Otherworld.

First off, sorry this took so long:

Mini: Ok, senior trip. Where do you wanna go?

Brynne: The Bahamas!

Mini: I don't know about that-

Aru: Let's go to Hell

Mini: ...No.

Brynne: Aru, we don't even believe in Hell. It's just a bunch of lower dimensions.

XD Ok, for real. Potato Family Vacations

The Shah-charyas:

Abha: Ok, I'm off school AND training for the summer, so that leaves us 3 months to play with for our family vacation. Where are we going?

Aru: Ho-

Aiden: Don't say Home Depot, that's not a vacation spot.

Aru: Says you...

Aiden: Come on, Aru. We've got portals that can take us literally anywhere in the world. Where do you want to-

Aru: Cross-country! We can literally pop over to all of the best places! We can be in the Grand Canyon one second and at Niagara Falls the next!

Aiden: Those aren't even in the sa- You know what, never mind. Abha, where do you want to go?

Abha: Well, I'm up for the popping idea as long as we can drop by Stonehenge.

Aru: Wait, you wanna watch a bunch of rocks?

Abha: I can only solve why they're there if I'm there in person!

Aru: There it is.

Aiden: Abha, are you sure you want to spend your vacation working on an archaeological dig?

Aru: Oh yeah, because that's any less boring than your idea.

Aiden: THE FOAM MUSEUM OF PHOTOGRAPHY IS NOT BORING!

Abha and Aru: Ok, Wifey.

Aru: Wait, DON'T CALL YOUR FATHER WIFEY

The Kapoor-Mercado Lopezs:

Mini: Rudy, hurry up!

Rudy: What's the hurry, Mini? We have portals!

Mini: Yes, but if we're going to get through everyone's separate trips, we need to be in Paris before breakfast.

Rudy: Ok, but we're not going to make it to the catacombs if we have to lug all of that medical supplies. Is it really-

Mini: Yes, Rudy. It's better to be safe than sorry.

Mini: Priya! Suru! Get down here or we're leaving without you!

Priya: You and I both know you wouldn't leave us without a crash course on safety, Mom.

Mini: Whatever. Are your bags all packed?

Priya: Yup. I've got a list of all the anime cons and cafes I'm gonna hit in Tokyo. And I've got my cosplay ready.

Suru: And Alex and I can't wait to go exploring the Amazon with papa!

*Alex barks in affirmation*

Mini: Ok, but make sure to wear your sunscreen. And drink plenty of water. And don't wear anything that'll make you too hot. Or cold. Or-

Priya: Are we going on vacation or back to war?

The Raos:

Hira: Ok, so for our vacation spots, we've got the Geranium in Denmark, Venice, and The Srirangam Temple in Tamil, Nadu.

Ghata: Nice! Now we can spend each morning praying in the world's biggest Mandir

Hira: Then go sightseeing via gondola in the afternoons

Brynne: And spend the nights dining on the best ranked food in the world...besides mine of course...

Hira: About that, you sure you can handle critiquing their food, dear?

Ghata: Yeah, Amma. You kind of have a tendency to go overboard whenever you're in critiquing mode.

Brynne: Whoa, I have a critiquing mode?

Hira: I call it Raomsay Mode. Just promise not to get us thrown out.

Brynne: ...Maybe I should pick some backup restaurants...

The Khans:

Kara: Valerie, sweetie, you need a vacation!

Valerie: Ma, I have to get my summer studying done! My grades have been-

Sydney: Quite fine, actually. You did make the top spot again.

Valerie: Yeah, by a mere 2 points! At my best I've been doing 50!

Sydney: Look, I propose a deal. We'll spend the days going sightseeing and learning facts about the places we go and then we'll come right back for you to get your studying done for the night.

Valerie: Go on.

Sydney: Besides, I have heard much about my namesake and cannot wait to hear the beautiful compositions of the Sydney Opera House!

Kara: And we can relax and unwind in Hawaii! You can still read, but it'll feel much better on the beach with the sun shining on your skin and the waves crashing as white noise, won't it?

Valerie: ...Can I do it while eating Malassadas?

The Twins:

Nikita: I still don't see the point of us traveling when we can literally make up much better worlds in our dreams.

Sheela: First off, Nikki. You don't make the dreams, I do. Second, in the dream world, the experience will feel completely watered down. Sure, you can dream about doing a fashion show in Milan, but it'll have less of the same feel, your vision will be blurred, and let's face it, when we eat there, it's literally just our imagination.

Nikita: Fine. At least when we get to Milan, I'll be able to show them some real outfits. You all set for the Great Blue Hole?

Sheela: Yup. Those fish in Belize won't know what hit em!

The OSS Commanders:

Leon: For the last time, Irida, we are NOT going club-hopping in England. Not only is that a waste of time, but you are far too young!

Maya: Disneyland!

Irida: Hey, don't get pressed with me, gramps! At least it's better than your idea to go ice fishing in the Antarctic! Even though the penguins and seals are totes kawaii!

Maya: DISNEYLAND

Astoria: This is why I wanted to visit the Shaolin Temple. At least that place has discipline.

Maya: DIS-NEY LAN-DUH!

Cyrus: No offense, my meditative master, but training in a temple doesn't sound like a vacation to me. My vacations are chilling out on the beach, be it Fiji, the Caribbean, or with the Galapagos tortoises, sipping on juice and listening to the music of nature.

Maya: *deep breath* I WANNA GO TO-

Leon: Maya, we're not going to Disneyland. It's too crowded. And if you say it again, you're staying home!

Maya: 😢

Cleo: ...You guys do know we have portals, right?

Everyone: ...

[thesoappope]

Hawaii: Part II ✨️The Musical!✨️

Why haven't I heard of this till now! This is literally tits and ass! Fucking masterpiece! Contemporary composers are seething! Roger and Hammerstein who? Hamilton what? This shit do be bussin fr fr!

Um anyways...enough memeing and praising Hawaii: Part II. What I wanted to talk about is what if this were an actual musical. Like not just an album, a proper musical, performed in front of an audience, in a theatre (proscenium, black box, in the round, any style), scenic, costuming, lighting, instrumentalist, everything! Now you maybe thinking, bro how can you do that when-and yes I hear you, but it can be done! For one, ultimately it's up to the director and creative team to decide how to interpret this musical, because despite interviews and theories, the true story of Hawaii: Part II is unknown. So the team should figure out which idea to latch onto (rip the dramaturg). From their the real magic can happen!

Now another thing to consider is, where should intermission happen, should there be one? I think that depends on how much is added to the musical. Like dialouge or extra music exclusive to the live performance. If it's straight up no change, same music, then no. However if dialouge between songs, or additional songs (that function as transitions or maybe a new layer to the story) then there's a few options that come to mind. If heavy enough in added material, the intermission should be at after murders because that feels like the turning point of the whole album. Though if you like being 50/50, have it begin before magic electric, because the previous song could also be a turning point as well. But if none of those work towards the interpretation chosen, I'd say then choose a new song or dialouge to en act one at. Or say fuck it and have no intermission lol!

Personal Design Concept:

So, if I made this into a musical, it's going to be serealist and absurd af! I love absurdist theatre and this vibe fits sooooo well. Now the idea I had was the schizophrenia theory because it makes the most sense to me. Though a more literal version helps as well and doesn't diminish my design concept. Also I wouldn't afd too much dialogue and wouldn't have an intermission, rather a great pause between murders and the next song.

So for one I want this to be in a proscenium, second I want black and white monochrome tropical set peices, however the moon, I want it to change color as the musical progresses, ending on white but quickly becoming red. Oh and I want the black steps to be present, high but never reaching the moon. Also the beach should be snowy. Another thing I'd like is two boats on opposite sides of the stage. Oh and the backdrop with the moon should have stars that glitter throughout the play. Also for the proscenium I want it to look like a mix of space craft machinery and old religious (possible greek) depictions emdebed in it. Oh and last thing about scenic is there should be beach balls and sand buckets on the set, oh and the palm trees should leave during murders.

Oh costumes! I love the idea of only the narrator, main character, and lover being the only ones that match the aesthetic and every other character including the dancers don't necessarily have to match. Like during the song between murders and magic electric I want angles dancing. Also the murderer should dress exactly like the main character but colorful rather than monochrome. Which if I get bored enough I'll actually draw the designs. By the end of the musical, the main character should have the colored outfit and his love should have a wedding dress with bits of red. Also both characters will have the Stella Octongula by the end. Before that it's the murderer and sparse voices scattered throughout the musical. The narrator has one as well but theirs is black and white while everyone else's is rainbow. Also all characters (aside from those specified) are black and white. Also I want some performers to be in space suits, church choir outfits, nurse outfits. Also I still don't know why, but I really want circus clowns and performers outfits, feels right but I'll need to find a reason lol. Oh and I really want appollo to be a character that appears and then takes the main character and his lover to the after life.

Lights I want very little color, so that when color is added it stands out. Like I really want a rainbow project during black rainbows which at the end becomes black and white for a brief moment then the song ends. Also I want during the musical blood spots to appear till turning the scene red during murders. Also the murderer and main character will be in white light as needed. Oh and the lighting for every song before murders should be Cinderella or happy disney story. Then have that lighting again in the multi language song. But at mind electric it should feel like a prison. The last song should feel like disney but slowly be nothing but spot lights with the shadows being red, then once lights black out, the bright red moon should be shining.

End of 🎶 musical 🎶

Hope you enjoyed my rambling and brain vomit!

[thanksforthedinosaur]

march 2023

1. claire rosinkranz - sad in hawaii 2. carlie hanson - blueberry pancakes 3. ber - slutphase 4. sedona - sharkbite 5. mazie - give up! 6. nicole millar - hugs 7. mike posner - howling at the moon 8. jensen mcrae - dead girl walking 9. boyish - girls are mean 10. fig - splinter 11. chrissy - carsick 12. quinnie - flounder 13. khai dreams - bugs 14. leanna firestone - you just didn't like me that much 15. isabel pless - bechdel test 16. chymes - my own worst enemy 17. haven - g.o.a.t. 18. dyln - dead 2 me 19. bea miller - cynical 20. daine - portal 21. anne-marie - sad b!tch 22. brooke candy - juicy fruit 23. ari abdul - bored 24. zolita - ashley 25. patchymate - babyur2nice 26. nina cobham - worse & better 27. searows - house song 28. caroline spence - there's always room - alternate version 29. samia - dream song 30. shannon lay - angeles 31. death cab for cutie - pepper - acoustic 32. meadowlark - full me, half you 33. rosemary & garlic - summer 34. gracie abrams - will you cry? 35. rachel chinouriri - maybe i’m lonely 36. joy oladokun - changes 37. lunar vacation - only you 38. eliza mclamb - pulp 39. shania twain - best friend 40. the go! team - getting to know (all the ways we're wrong for each other) 41. jonatan leandoer96 - if i'm born i have to live 42. runo plum - yin to yang 43. triathalon - running 44. anna wise - the now 45. caroline polachek - blood and butter 46. charlie houston - bubbly 47. bridal party - baby anymore 48. steady holiday - newfound oxygen 49. gabby's world - closing door 50. leith - big trees 51. beabadoobee - glue song 52. infinity crush - demolition derby 53. sobs - cool - bonus track 54. nyarons - the space between us 55. paramore - running out of time 56. babygirl - sore eyes 57. tennis - pollen song 58. bully - lose you (feat. soccer mommy) 59. alex lahey - good time 60. trementina - fall into your bed 61. samiam - monterey canyon 62. real friends - six feet 63. body type - miss the world 64. neanderthal - hey bestie 65. thrice - silhouette 66. big|brave - the fable of subjugation 67. skrillex - ceremony 68. tini - cupido 69. jordan powers - pretty girl swag 70. asiatica - *sigh* nevermind 71. meltycanon - apple weather 72. nia archives - conveniency 73. lizzo - special (feat. sza) 74. sabrina claudio - right decision 75. justine skye - maybe 76. ella mai - sink or swim 77. rakiyah - cosmic queen 78. iamddb - where did the love go? 79. jean deaux - jd's revenge 80. raye - flip a switch. 81. enny - no more naija men 82. qveen herby - marie antoinette 83. planet giza - wyd 84. hkfiftyone - comedown (universe 1) 85. logic - lightsabers (feat. c dot castro) 86. flau'jae - ready or not freestyle 87. skrillex - rumble 88. blackwinterwells - give loop 89. tezatalks - oyxgen (sped up) 90. daine - skin deep 91. vallis alps - on the eve of the rush [134bpm vip] 92. izzy camina - celestial sodomy 93. princess nokia - complicated 94. piri - updown 95. alex lustig - neo 96. rebecca black - doe eyed

https://open.spotify.com/playlist/4K4Gynr0WZAVwPHNVNp7OQ?si=20dfb5733e89439b

[fangirlsuperhero]

10 Songs on Repeat

okay, @10paper20heart wanted to know what 10 songs I’ve had on loop. I got my flu shot and covid booster today and I’m a little loopy and a whole lot tired so ignore my mistakes or embarrassing answers. None of them are embarrassing.

1. Norwegian Wood by the Beatles which is totally a boring answer BUT! my friend Vicki and I used to make ouija boards out of cardboard and try to talk to the dead while putting this song on loop (for some reason) and this is closely related to my nano story I’m working on so it gets the number 1 spot

2. Lean on Me -Club Nuveau (I totally spelled that wrong but we’re ignoring it because of the side effects). My dad was on a bowling league when I was in like, 6th grade maybe and a bunch of us kids that got dragged there would all hang out and do dumb kid stuff around the bowling alley. Anyway, this song had just come out and we collectively decided it was our favorite song and I spent the whole next week trying to record it off the radio (I’m old. We didn’t have Spotify or YouTube or anything back then) and when I finally did, I listened to it every chance I got and it still to this day makes me excited when I hear it on the radio

3. Love Eyes by Rosemary Clooney is one of the best songs you’ve ever heard in your entire life and I really think you should try to seek it out (it’s a rare one and it’s only on the Rosemary Swings Softly album. I think)

4. No Control by One Direction because listen to it!! You guys should be making mixed tape notes on all my song choices

5. Poison by Bel Biv DeVoe. Actually the whole album but it’s a song list so I had to choose one. And the choice is poison and try NOT to dance when you hear poison by bbd in the grocery store. This album came out when I was in 8th grade and it’s the only thing I listened to for like, a year. I still have the tape and the cd and a burned copy of the cd when I thought I had lost it. So two cds I suppose. Very awful lyrics, highly recommend.

6. Try Me by James Brown is my favorite James Brown song of all time. Also a really fun song to belt out in a parking lot after work with all your friends at 1am.

7. Paint it Black by The Rolling Stones is cliche but it’s a perfect song and you will deal with my decisions

8. Surfer Girl by The Beach Boys. There was a 50’s restaurant here in Denver and my friend Vicki (ouija board) and I would bring like a roll of quarters in and play surfer girl on the jukebox over and over (i know it sounds like I’m doing the John mulany bit, but I’m not this is real) and finally after months and months, no matter how many quarters we put in, they wouldn’t play surfer girl anymore. Then we moved to California and fast forward like 10 years, I’m home visiting and we went to the diner and I was like, “hmmm shall I???” And I put several quarters in and pushed the surfer girl button several times and nothing. They removed Surfer Girl from rotation. I ruined it for everyone. Then I moved back here and the restaurant had closed down. I have to assume it was because I had been keeping them in business with my Surfer Girl quarters. Your loss, Gunther Toody’s

9. Lost in Emotion by Lisa Lisa and Cult Jam. I used to roller skate to this song and it makes me happy and it’s my go to song when I want to listen to music when I’m cooking or doing the dishes or cleaning or something equally boring

10. Love Me by Elvis. When my oldest son was a toddler, he decided that Elvis was his favorite and while all the other children were watching Cars and Polar Express, he watched Blue Hawaii and GI Blues everyday an he wore a jailhouse rock jacket everywhere we went. And so I would play an Elvis cd that I found and it had this song on it and it hits me in that same spot that Try Me does. It’s perfect.

Alright I did it!!! I need to go find out if Love Eyes has finally made it to YouTube. I’ll post it if I find it

[dan6085]

Here are 25 lesser-known but fascinating facts about the United States, each with detailed information that might surprise you:

### 1. **The U.S. Has No Official Language**

- While English is the de facto language spoken by the majority, the United States does not have an official language at the federal level. Some states, however, have declared English as their official language.

### 2. **The Liberty Bell Has a Spelling Error**

- The Liberty Bell, a symbol of American independence, has an inscription that reads, "Proclaim Liberty Throughout All the Land Unto All the Inhabitants Thereof." However, the word "Pennsylvania" is misspelled as "Pensylvania."

### 3. **Alaska is the Most Northern, Western, and Eastern U.S. State**

- Due to the Aleutian Islands crossing the 180th meridian, Alaska is technically both the westernmost and easternmost state in the U.S.

### 4. **The U.S. Flag Has Changed 27 Times**

- The current design of the U.S. flag, with 50 stars, was adopted on July 4, 1960, after Hawaii became the 50th state. Before that, the flag had been altered 26 times.

### 5. **The First Paved Road in America**

- The first paved road in the U.S. was Woodward Avenue in Detroit, Michigan. It was paved with concrete in 1909, marking the beginning of modern road construction.

### 6. **The U.S. Bought Alaska for 2 Cents an Acre**

- In 1867, the U.S. purchased Alaska from Russia for $7.2 million, which amounted to about 2 cents per acre. The purchase, initially ridiculed as "Seward's Folly," turned out to be a massive bargain due to Alaska's vast natural resources.

### 7. **The Statue of Liberty Was Originally Intended for Egypt**

- The famous Statue of Liberty was initially designed as a lighthouse for the Suez Canal in Egypt by French sculptor Frédéric Auguste Bartholdi. When that project didn't materialize, he repurposed the design for the U.S.

### 8. **There’s a U.S. State with More Cows than People**

- In the state of Wyoming, cattle outnumber people by a ratio of more than 2 to 1. With a population of about 580,000 people, Wyoming is home to approximately 1.3 million cows.

### 9. **The Longest Coastline**

- Alaska has the longest coastline of any state in the U.S., stretching over 6,640 miles. This accounts for more than half of the entire U.S. coastline.

### 10. **The Pentagon Has Twice as Many Bathrooms as Necessary**

- When the Pentagon was built during World War II, segregation laws required separate bathrooms for black and white workers. Thus, the building has twice the necessary number of restrooms.

### 11. **Harvard University Predates the U.S. Constitution**

- Harvard University was founded in 1636, well before the U.S. Constitution was written in 1787. It is the oldest institution of higher education in the United States.

### 12. **There’s a Secret Apartment in the Eiffel Tower’s Sister in the U.S.**

- The Statue of Liberty, designed by the same man who helped with the Eiffel Tower, has a secret apartment within it. Originally intended as a workspace, it remains largely inaccessible to the public.

### 13. **The Great Seal of the United States Has Hidden Symbols**

- The Great Seal, used on the back of the one-dollar bill, contains various symbols, including 13 arrows and 13 olive branches, representing the 13 original colonies. The eye above the pyramid is often interpreted as a symbol of divine guidance.

### 14. **There's a Town Called "Boring"**

- Boring, Oregon, is a small town with a population of about 8,000. It has a sister city in Scotland named "Dull," and they’ve partnered with "Bland," Australia, to form a “trio of dullness.”

### 15. **The Only Diamond Mine Accessible to the Public**

- Crater of Diamonds State Park in Arkansas is the only diamond mine in the world where the public can dig for diamonds. Anything found can be kept by the finder.

### 16. **There’s a Hidden Cave Under the White House**

- Underneath the White House, there’s a hidden underground bunker, often referred to as the Presidential Emergency Operations Center (PEOC). It’s meant for use during emergencies.

### 17. **The United States Once Planned to Detonate a Nuclear Bomb on the Moon**

- During the Cold War, the U.S. considered a plan called "Project A119" to detonate a nuclear bomb on the moon as a show of force and technological prowess against the Soviet Union. Fortunately, the plan was never executed.

### 18. **The Empire State Building Has Its Own Zip Code**

- The Empire State Building in New York City has its own dedicated zip code, 10118, due to the large volume of mail it receives.

### 19. **The First American City to Host the Olympics**

- St. Louis, Missouri, hosted the Summer Olympics in 1904, making it the first American city to do so. However, the event was overshadowed by the World's Fair, which was happening concurrently.

### 20. **Mount Rushmore’s Unfinished History**

- The faces of George Washington, Thomas Jefferson, Theodore Roosevelt, and Abraham Lincoln on Mount Rushmore were intended to be full busts, but funding ran out during the Great Depression, leaving the project unfinished.

### 21. **There's a Law Against Eating Oranges in the Bathtub**

- In California, an old law supposedly prohibits eating oranges while bathing. Though the law is no longer enforced (if it ever was), it’s often cited as one of the quirky legal remnants from the past.

### 22. **The Largest Population of Wild Horses**

- Nevada is home to the largest population of wild horses in the U.S., with thousands roaming free in the western deserts.

### 23. **The U.S. Treasury Once Printed $100,000 Bills**

- The largest denomination ever printed by the U.S. Treasury was the $100,000 bill, which featured Woodrow Wilson. These bills were used only for transactions between Federal Reserve Banks and were never circulated among the general public.

### 24. **The U.S. Has Over 10,000 Abandoned Mines**

- Across the United States, there are over 10,000 abandoned mines, many of which are located in the western states. These mines, left from various gold and mineral rushes, pose environmental and safety hazards.

### 25. **The Most Earthquake-Prone State**

- While California is famous for its earthquakes, Alaska actually experiences more earthquakes than any other state, including the most powerful earthquake ever recorded in North America—the 1964 Great Alaska Earthquake, with a magnitude of 9.2.

These facts illustrate the diversity, history, and unique aspects of the United States, showcasing the country’s fascinating and sometimes little-known characteristics.

[wallamaybungya]

The news just came through. The first colony is well and thriving on Mars. They provide weekly updates on the colony ever since they landed two months ago. Normally, they're boring, which is good. It means nothing major has gone wrong.

Today, however, there was something new. A locked safe, half buried in the soil, not far from the colony's settlement. The only problem?

A single note describing a key that is only to be found on Earth. Location: unknown.

Well. Almost unknown.

How could that safe have ended up at Mars? And how much of a coincidence that it was only feet away from the only colony up there? Something didn't add up.

Serenity's mother had passed away years ago. She died rich, and at the will reading, her four kids came crawling back, hoping for a chunk of that money. At the will, each child was ushered into a room, told what they had been gifted, and then ushered out.

Serenity didn't know what her siblings had received, as they never talked about it. But it was clear by the way her older brother moved into the old house. And how her younger sister suddenly owned a beach house on the shores of Hawaii. Or how her older sister wore all of Mother's old jewelry and even sold some for profit.

Serenity received a key. She tried every door in the old house, every bank deposit box her mother had owned, with the same result every time. Locked.

Serenity opened the door to her bank. Within minutes, she was pulling out one of two deposit boxes she owned. In the very bottom of the box was her key to the second deposit box, located a good 50 miles away.

Serenity took a deep breath. Time for a little drive.

An hour later, she was pulling out the deposit box. The only thing inside was the antique key her mother gave her. Serenity stared at it.

Ten years ago, Serenity had been furious at her mother. She gave her well-off siblings more money but gave Serenity, the one who was financially struggling, got nothing but a key.

But now, Serenity had a feeling that her mother had a lot more in store for her than riches could provide. The only question was what.

Serenity pocketed the antique key before closing it up. She gestured for the attendant on hand, signaling that she was done.

During the ride home, Serenity couldn't stop thinking. Whatever was up there, millions of miles away, Mother had intended it for her to find. She couldn't just send the key off to NASA and hope that whatever was inside the box wasn't worth having.

But how did her mother, a stay at home mom from generational wealth, manage to get a safe on Mars? In the exact location of the new colony, nonetheless. Serenity thought back to the first time the plans for Mars was announced. Seven years ago. Still a whole three years after Mother had died.

Serenity made a sharp left turn, back onto the road that would take her home. A billboard sign on the left caught her attention. Nothing in particular jumped out, but it caused something to click for Serenity. NASA has been known to keep the public out of certain... missions. What if? What if this wasn't the first time humans had been on Mars?

[espys-art-stuff]

It has occurred to me that I should probably... publish more of the random, insane things that go through my head rather than keep them locked up in my private digital notebooks forever. So with that said, please have this thing nobody asked for,

PREPARE

FOR MY GREAT EUROSLANDER POST

(disclaimer obvious satire piece is satire)

Directory of Europe (as written by an ignorant US tourist)

BRITISH ISLES, aka the only places we care about (wait they're islands?? I thou--)

England: Harry Potter Land and so London, very Posh, quite barmy out innit, god save the queen King, I want to hop into a queue and buy some fish and chips and good english tea, *waves the union jack aggressively*

(i feel so bri’ish!!1!11 did i do the accent right [is speaking cockney])

Ireland: EIRISH ((does several bad (scottish)ireland imitations)) and so beer and drienk, my grendfather was born ‘ere so I understind everythin’ aboot this playce

N. Ireland: I understand nothing about this place

Scotland: Aye Laddie, kilts and bagpipes and castles and ACCENTS (we're so scottish)

(wait you guys sound irish--)

Wales: tbh we didn't know you existed until we looked up the funny nonsense words

what do you mean there are native languages spoken in ENGland that aren’t english

THE SOUTH (Boonies)

Spain: Mexico 2.0

wtf do you mean it's more similar to california, california speaks Only English, a spanish-speaking country could never be as advanced

Italy: PIZZA (and old people) (and fascists), florida if floridians ate proper food

Greece: boring ruins and so poor, none of this was ever significant

Portugal: tbh we thought you were a territory of Brazil

Turkey: Earthquakes and Muslims (terrorists) (barbarians) (Iran begins here)

THE EAST (Mordor)

Hungary: We know nothing about it except that it's led by that one guy all our Conservatives really like for some reason, but hey he's White and European and Will Smith did a dance video in Budapest so they’re probably fine, also LOL they must be Hungry

Russia: Very Bad And Mean, We Boycott You For 1000 Years :( (but actually we still buy all your stuff and want your tourist traps and money)

Ukraine: *waves flags* (we did not care about you before but you're White and European and frankly Russia just isn't playing to our interests anymore, so we'll back your war while we look the other way on all the ones in those Non-White Countries)

Poland and like 70 other countries: Witcher 3 and commies

THE WEST (Civilised Countries)

Germany: yeah sorry like 85% of us still think you’re nazis, you're sort of just screwed on that front

France: PARIS and EIFFEL TOWER and ROMANCE (and also rude people)

Belgium+Luxembourg+Switzerland: Alps and croissants and swiss cheese and yodelling (and also rude people)

The Netherlands: 67,342 people skipped over this country because "the netherlands" sounds like the sticks

(we later figured out you were the dutch and we apologized that you have to live out in the sticks)

Austria: The Sound of Music

THE NORDICS (Socialist Paradise/Hell, speaks Weird Shit)

Denmark: we thought it was in America (the Actual America, not the rest of it) like all other good companies are tbh, but LEGOS

(you mean nothing to us otherwise)

Sweden: The ones who will take us, but too liberal and socialist high taxes and immigrant for our tastes (ALL (nonwhite) immigrants are illegal) (enlightened Conservatives STAY OUT)

Finland: The forgotten edge of the world, everyone here lives with eskimos and polar bears

Iceland: Hawaii vacation but Cold and Exotic

Norway: So rich and socialist, but they're White and European and sell oil so we can't knock it tbh

Greenland: the USA definitely claims this. we just haven't taken it back yet because there are absolutely no colonies living on this useless rock

(however once we begin shipping all the illegal immigrants out like how our lord and saviour Ron Desanctimonious has shown us, we will require it once again)

tune in next time for my post where I do all 50 states of the USA and destroy half the world as a result