#Haunted was the first monster high movie i ever watched so I have a huge bias towards Porter lol

[wildtornado-o]

Potential g3 Porter design... (and a little Spectra and Porter doodle bcs i have a huge soft spot for them)

Im really bad with fashion but i wanted to give him something streetwear like so i hope it looks ok dhsjs

[sttngfashion]

5.26 and 6.1 - Time’s Arrow

Oh my god. Y’all. It’s a new Fashion It So post. In the year of our Picard 2020. Yes.

For literal years, Charlie and I have been like UGH WE NEED TO DO TIME’S ARROW PARTS 1 AND 2 BUT IT’S JUST SUCH A MONSTER.

Well, I’m doing a complete rewatch of the series with my partner and we just got to these two, so IT IS TIME. 

We open in a cave in San Francisco, where Data and Picard are checking something out:

Rent for the cave is $6,000 per month

Showing them around is this guy in a Science Outfit:

He’s ready to go night biking

We’ve seen this look before in both Silicon Avatar and Devil’s Due, and it’s functional, yet cute. Basically a windbreaker in jumpsuit form. 

They find a couple of items in the cave, including a pocket watch from 1889 and also:

I left my head in San Francisco

IT’S DATA’S HEAD!!! And it’s been there for FIVE HUNDRED YEARS. What could have caused this? And why is Data’s head so absolutely terrifying?

Is that fondant

This head is, in a word, haunting. The 2020 of heads. 

Data and Geordi chat in Ten-Forward about what the presence of Data’s head in the cave means. Data says it means he’s mortal; that someday he will die, and that’s comforting. Spoiler alert: that’s not what it means. But it’s a nice conversation.

Also, Guinan is here!!!

Merlot My God!! 

Or maybe: Burgundy-lightful!! Or perhaps: De-Crimson-alize Sex Work!! Okay that last one was a stretch but I really think I missed my calling as a nail polish shade namer. 

Anyway, she’s here in her classic look of a pizza-sized hat and a flowing gown/coat/top/robe. The collar here is a little too close to a mock turtleneck for my liking and honestly - this is a little staid for our friend Guinan. I want a TEXTURE or a SWEEP or some WIDE RIBBING or some PLEATS. Don’t worry, though...she will get plenty more later.

Then there’s some plot which frankly we DO NOT HAVE TIME to get into but let’s just say: the away team goes to a planet, there’s a temporal disturbance, and Data ends up here:

Huge mood

Where are we? Or should I say WHEN are we??

Well that old-timey font is a good clue...also the horse

Are we in the Old West land of an off-brand Disneyworld? Are we going to ride something called Large Lightning Mesa Train Tracks? What colorful characters will we meet here?

Winner of 1893’s Mustache Medal

This type of ‘stache is called a Fu Manchu, after the character Dr. Fu Manchu. It’s not...a great look? But it is memorable, which is sometimes enough. He’s also wearing a simple black cap, probably made of silk. He’s keeping it cazh.

So where are we?

SAN FRANCISCO, OPEN YOUR GOLDEN GATE / YOU’LL LET NOBODY WAIT / OUTSIDE YOUR DOOR

Yes, it’s San Francisco. And it’s *eyes popping out of head like a cartoon wolf seeing a busty babe* 1893!!!! That temporal disturbance was...disturbing.

So who else do we have hanging out?

Please check out our Vaudeville act, Knit Cap ‘n’ Bowly

These dudes understand those famous Bay Area MICROCLIMATES, amirite? We’ve got a Henley. We’ve got a buttondown. We’ve got a vest. We’ve got a coat. No matter which way the thermometer decides to go, THEY ARE READY. Also loving the pop of forest green on Knit Cap’s knit cap. 

We also have a 49er:

No, it’s not Steve Young. I googled “famous 49ers” to complete this joke so if there is a more famous 49er please let me know

It’s a literal 49er. Since it’s 1893, this guy’s been hanging around in town for a while, and he’s also familiar with the layering techniques one must master if one is to conquer the Bay Area’s climate. He also has a kicky Colonel Sanders-type tie. He asks Data for money and gives him a few panhandling tips. He’s chill. We like him. But don’t get too attached if you know what I mean!!!!

Data decides he needs somewhere to stay, so he finds a hotel:

Brian.

Why is this so funny to me. Brian. Why would you name your hotel Brian. Brian!!!! I know it’s a last name but like...Brian. HOTEL BRIAN. 

This bellhop’s name is not Brian:

Where’s your hat, bro

He’s giving us a classic bellhop look, complete with too many buttons. He gives Data the very important information that there’s a poker game happening in the back of the hotel, which means: Data is about to be RICH rich. 

The poker game includes a few good looks:

Louie Anderson IS Wolverine IN a Lands’ End barn coat

Two plaids? Sir...I salute you

Colonel Sanders Goes to Carnaval

Data, of course, wipes the floor with them so hard that he wins their clothes:

Didn’t get that barn coat tho

Yes, that’s the actual vest and the actual hat of those guys from the previous scene. Oh, I love it. I love Data in a vest over his uniform and I love Data with a feather in his cap. Let’s call it macaroni.

Meanwhile, out on the street, the plot is happening:

Beige: inescapable

This is our first taste of the decadent 1890’s sleeves that appear in this episode, and these aren’t even the best sleeves!! These are an amuse-bouche of sleeves. An armuse-bouche, if you will. 

Anyway, these two are aliens disguised as humans who are here to steal the 49er’s life energy. 

Pew pew pew

I told you not to get attached!!!

Back on the Enterprise, Guinan is doing mixology:

She would never call it something as stupid as mixology though

She tells Picard that he needs to go check out the temporal disturbance, too, even though captains don’t normally go on away missions, and then she gives him this look:

It’s that serious

When Guinan looks at you like this, you do what she says. 

Now this outfit is much better than the earlier one. We have some pleated sleeves, which I didn’t even think was a thing you could DO. We have some sort of functional(?) strap(??) across the front. We even have matching fingerless gloves which always make a look A LOOK. And if Picard wasn’t sure whether he needed to go on this away mission, she then gives him THIS look:

Okay now it’s REALLY serious

Back in 1893, Data is making something:

It’s actually just a really complicated and large music box that plays “I Left My Head in San Francisco”

He’s gotten his hands on some more period-appropriate clothing, including a bow tie and a vest. Since he’s not wearing arm garters and his sleeves appear to be the correct length for his arms, we can conclude that the shirt was custom-made, not ready-made, because Data is now a baller due to his poker earnings. 

Then, Data sees this in the paper:

I know her!! From work!!!!

Yes, it’s Guinan. In 1893. In a hat!!!!

We cut to the literary reception, which is honestly not as well-attended as I thought it would be, considering it got a GIANT photo of Guinan on page THREE of the paper, but okay. And who should we spy there but:

You’ll love my secret blend of 11 herbs and spices

No, it’s not Colonel Sanders. (Sorry, I really have Colonel Sanders on the brain because of that Lifetime movie.) It’s Samuel Clements, AKA Mark Twain. I had an English teacher in high school who explained the origin of his pseudonym (it indicates a mark of two fathoms, aka twelve feet, on a steamboat) and for some reason she shouted MAAAARK TWAAAAAIN when she told us that story so now her delivery of that line is in my head until I die I guess.

Anyway, it’s Mark Twain.

He’s wearing his iconic white linen suit with a black bow tie, and he’s also wearing a lot of prosthetics, because the actor playing him (Jerry Hardin, AKA Deep Throat from The X-Files AKA Melora Hardin AKA Jan Levinson-Gould’s dad) (was that too many AKAs) (you get it, right?) didn’t look enough like Mark Twain, I guess? In conclusion: what if eyebrow wigs were a thing?

Twain is having a chit chat with “Madame Guinan,” who is wearing what can only be called a sumptuous gown:

It’s 11:30 and the gown is sumptin’ sumptin’

There are so many ELEMENTS to this look! First of all: the color. Royal purple. Fit for a queen. Appropriate. 

Then: those sleeves! These sleeves are known as “leg of mutton sleeves” because they KIND OF look like a leg of mutton. Have you ever seen a leg of mutton? I haven’t. I’ve only seen these sleeves. Plus they have a stripe?? No, I don’t know why, but I LOVE IT.

The cuffs and the cravat bring this from “dress” to “lewk.” Top it all off with this hat and you have a true 1893 mood.

What bird is that feather even from

We get a few good extra looks in this scene as well:

Pink Lady is NOT wearing a corset

Look, sometimes you don’t have enough period-appropriate undergarments for all the background people and that’s fine. But I WILL notice.

Is that Loretta Lynn

I am loving all of this! That purple dress is fantastic, those stripes? I die. Military man has some fun flair on his shoulder, and there is a dude in a beautiful turban back there. Plus, another Black lady in addition to Guinan and That One Ensign Who Is On The Bridge Sometimes.

Data rolls in to the literary event in a different suit with a CRAVAT:

Craving a cravat

Data is like “we serve together on the same starship in the 24th century” and Guinan is like “huh” but then she’s like “okay” which...I’m not sure if I would believe that? But let’s just say it’s fine. 

Over in the 24th century, the literal entire bridge crew is checking out the temporal disturbance and I DON’T LIKE THIS AT ALL:

Blue Man Group...on ACID

These beings are like ghosts but also like Dr. Manhattan but also like pure energy. 

Then everyone goes through the temporal disturbance AND THE SEASON ENDS. 

Fortunately for you, this post will continue...right now.

Okay, so we’re back in San Francisco in 1893. You can tell by the horses:

Also the fruit carts

Samuel Clemens is strolling around with a reporter, telling him that he has a great story for him that involves time travelers and, like, protecting the nation.

Here’s the thing about this episode’s version of Mark Twain: he’s kind of a dick. Was the real Mark Twain kind of a dick? I just feel like Mark Twain should be JAZZED about meeting time travelers and not acting like a fuckin’ time cop* and trying to put the Enterprise crew on blast. 

Anyway I love his double-breasted vest.

See my vest

The reporter’s hat is technically period-accurate, but that style is SO associated with the 1930s-1950s that I would have gone with something else. He looks cute though.

Meanwhile, Data is wearing a three-piece suit:

My positronic olfactory synapses are interpreting something as...a fart

I hate brown, but this is fine.

Additionally, the beige baddies from before are back and this time, they’ve got a SNAKE CANE:

Love the snake cane, hate how they suck the life out of people

But we are not here for them, we are here to see our faves in period clothing. Our first look is at Riker, who is dressed as an actual cop, not a time cop like Mark Twain:

The past just had...so many buttons

I guess if you’re a time-traveling white man there are worse disguises than a cop. But WHERE DID HE GET THIS UNIFORM? I choose to believe that he found a cop with a similar large handsome body to his own and beat the shit out of him and stole his clothes. Now we can all enjoy imagining a cop being beat up.

The badge that Riker is wearing is a great historical detail; the SFPD started wearing them in 1886 and are reportedly the first law enforcement agency to have worn the seven-pointed star, which is now a common shape among sheriff’s departments across the United States.

But let’s move on to a better look: Dr. Beverly Crusher:

Curlz MT

Okay, now I have more questions. Beverly obviously wouldn’t beat someone up for their clothes, so where did SHE get HER outfit? And who did her hair? Did she do her OWN hair? Where did she get a curling iron? Does she know how to use a curling iron? Was it one of those ones that’s actually made of iron that you have to heat up in a fireplace? 

We will get answers to zero (0) of these questions.

We actually get a much better look at her dress later, so let’s focus on that cloak!!! I love it and I also love her hat. Okay, I guess I had less to say about those than I thought.

Bev and Will, along with the rest of the officers, have somehow procured a room/apartment in some lady’s lodging house. It’s cute!

They gave it 5 stars on AirBnB

This also raises questions. How did they get this room? How many bedrooms does it have? Are they sharing one large bed? If so, who has to sleep crossways at the foot of the bed and why is it Geordi? We will get zero answers to these questions as well, so let’s move on to arguably the hottest costume in this two-parter:

I’ll be in Holodeck 4

Whewwwwwww. He’s giving us a rolled sleeve. He’s giving us a casual tweed vest. The pants? They’re perfect. And he KNOWS how that slouch is working. It’s working VERY well. But the Irish landlady? She’s having NONE OF IT.

Absolutely NO nonsense

She needs the rent, but Picard charms her and she leaves. So I guess that’s how they got the room. Her look is knitwear-forward:

Eileen Fisher does sound like an Irish name

She’s got a shawl AND a cardigan! The cozy factor is OFF THE CHARTS. She also has a brooch, because a touch of fancy is always welcome. I will say that her hair is a little more fashion-forward than I’d expect for a woman of her age and station. This is straight up 1890s hair, and she would probably still be rocking an 1860s look, which isn’t as sweepy and would likely involve more braids. Still, she looks lovely. 

Geordi is also here looking dapper:

Make the collar as high as you can. I want to be sliced open by my own collar

You CAN go wrong with a three-piece suit, but it’s difficult to. He can’t wear his visor, so he has some kicky shades which we’ll get a better look at in a sec.

Back at the Hotel Brian (lol), the bellboy (who we learn in this scene is Jack London, inspired to be a writer by Mark Twain [citation needed]) lets Mark Twain into Data’s room and allows him to look around unsupervised. This is very bad hotel management. 

Great Scott

Then Data and Guinan show back up, and Mark Twain hides in an armoire.

One short day in the emerald brocade

I think one reason I love Guinan’s looks so much, both in the 24th and the 19th century, is that our color palette is very similar. We’re both winters. Bold jewel tones are the vibe. This one is in a beautiful deep green fabric with what looks like a velvet flocking pattern on it. The collar is also velvet, and I love that sleeve with a flounce on top like there wasn’t already enough fucking fabric on the sleeve so they just added a random piece to be like “yes, bitch. I’m a sleeve.”

Naturally, the hat is also jaunty af:

San Francisco’s hottest milliner is: Madame Guinan

This hat has everything: feathers, netting, a brim, an angle that makes you think it’s going to fall off but it doesn’t. We stan.

Meanwhile, Picard is setting up a sensor in a hospital while wearing a hat:

I’m bowled over

We haven’t even asked where Picard got these clothes, but I would like to point out that he’s dressed as a lower-class guy, while Riker is a cop, and Geordi looks like a gentleman. Was there even a discussion they all had about how they would disguise themselves? Was Picard like “I just really want to wear a beat-up bowler hat” and since he’s the captain, they extrapolated from there? This episode is NOT CONCERNED about any of this. They all have clothes, end of story. 

Bev even has TWO outfits!!

Hello nurse!!!!

I love this look. She still has her unlikely hairstyle happening, which means her nurse’s cap is sitting atop her voluminous hairstyle. (Not very practical, but realistic!) She’s sporting a simple striped dress and a button-on apron. (Look closely and you can see the two buttons holding the apron to the dress.) The fabric underneath might be cotton seersucker, but it’s likely a lightweight cotton or linen twill. You can see how closely her look matches these nurses from a similar time period:

Hello nurses!!!!

Deanna is also in this scene and this episode, but you wouldn’t know it from what she’s given to do. HUGE SHOCKER: TROI NOT GIVEN ENOUGH TO DO IN AN EPISODE. 🙃

She still looks beautiful:

Why aren’t capelets more popular

We never get a really GREAT look at her whole outfit, but I can tell you that it has a capelet, it’s in the red family, and the hat has a lot of business going on. For those reasons: approved. It has a flounce in the back too:

More fabric = more wealth

Sometimes I think about just how much fabric it took to make these old-timey dresses and I’m like...how did anyone get anything done?? It takes me like 4 weeks to finish a pair of leggings and those have like 5 seams and I own a serger. These historical bitches were sewing whole ass dresses in no time at all. 

Okay, so Bev is in this hospital and here come some more energy-stealing aliens, disguised as healthcare professionals this time:

I cannot take a medical professional wearing a LIGHT BROWN TOP HAT seriously, sorry

Bev AND this energy-stealing alien have BOTH managed to get their hands on the SAME nurse’s uniform?? I guess in the case of the alien, she is a shape-shifter, so she got her clothes from...that. And her hair. 

I hate this light brown top hat. If you’re going to wear a top hat, don’t DISRESPECT IT by making it BROWN, but if you’re going to make it brown, make it a good brown, like chocolate. Stupid energy-stealing aliens.

There’s a skirmish, the energy-stealing aliens disappear, and the real cops show up:

MOUSTACHE

Of course, the cops showing up is bad, because when has a cop showing up ever made a bad situation better? Never. Defund the police, but don’t defund handlebar mustaches. Those can stay.

Fortunately, Data has gotten a ping on that machine he was building before and shows up on a motherfucking HORSE:

Brent just wanted to show off

He’s back in his brown striped suit and red tie. Okay.

Everyone returns to the boarding house to suss out the situation, and we get a look at what Riker is rocking underneath his cop jacket:

Suspend me daddy

You can see very clearly here how the collar is not actually attached to the shirt. This was a thing people in the olden days did so they could wear their shirt for multiple days in a row and just switch out the collar and cuffs so they looked clean. As someone who is wearing the same sweatshirt for the third day in a row, I support this method. (If you’re interested on more info about collars, here is a very enjoyable article about them.)

We are also blessed with a better look at Deanna’s sleeves and bodice:

Black lace cuffs? Decadent!!!

You can also see Geordi’s shades, which suit him really nicely. One thing I’ve been enjoying on this rewatch is just how well LeVar Burton can act without having his eyes visible. He’s great. Let’s just all think about how great LeVar Burton is for a second

And also Bev’s dress:

I legitimately want this dress

I don’t think those buttons are functional. Can you imagine how annoying THAT would be? But I am absolutely in love with this dress. Two paisleys, Beverly???? A goddess. I’m also dying for that brooch with the chain. A+ look all around, great work.

Finally, FINALLY, Guinan meets the rest of the crew:

When you meet someone you won’t actually know for 500 years

She is wearing a hat that looks like a toilet paper cozy. Did your grandma have one of these? They’re so stupid and I love them so much. 

Picard and Guinan meet for what is the first time for her, but not the first time for him, and honestly it is...sensual?????

If I got a m’lady from P. Stew I wouldn’t even mind

Patrick and Whoopi truly do some nice work in this ep. But we are here to yell about clothes, so: LOOK AT THIS DRESS ON AN EXTRA:

Gimme dat dress

I just want that dress to wear around my house. I legitimately bought an 18th century costume dress to do just that, so don’t think I won’t literally do this.

OKAY, WE ARE ALMOST TO THE END. 

The crew, plus Guinan, go back to the cave where this all started:

Cave Club, the only club that meets in a cave

We get a nice look at the bodice of Guinan’s dress here and guess what: MORE BUTTONS. Buttons on the lapels, and also buttons on the front panel with the pointy top. I wonder if she has multiple front panels for that dress in different colors, like a Swatch watch. 

Unbeknownst to them, Mark Twain followed them!! Then there’s a scuffle with the energy-stealing aliens during which a few things happen:

Data’s head flies off

Mark Twain gets sucked into the temporal disturbance

Guinan gets hurt

Picard stays behind to make sure Guinan is okay

So we end up with Mark Twain on the Enterprise, where he sees Worf, and he’s like:

Buh-WHAT

Worf is also confused:

This is...extremely perplexing

We have a few more looks back on the Enterprise, including Regular Guinan:

ShoulderSpreads™: The Bed Spread for Your Shoulders

I love love LOVE this outfit. The color is perfect, the shoulderspreads are perfect, the front draping is perfect. It looks like a velvet housedress from the 1960s except FANCY which is kind of my ideal aesthetic. And it’s red (my fave). 

We get a quick glimpse at the barber uniform:

Bitch let me pass, idc if you wrote Huck Finn

This barber does. not. give. a. fuck!!!! 

Geordi reattaches Data’s head, the one they already had, which means this whole thing was a ding dang closed loop. The reattachment also kind of diminishes the whole conversation they had earlier about how Data’s head in the cave meant that Data could die someday, because...he didn’t. He still might, but his head is back and he’s fine now.

Meanwhile, Picard is still back in 1893 and they have to go get him, but only one person can come back through the temporal disturbance, so Mark Twain is like “duh I’ll go get him.” 

And finally Guinan and Picard can talk about how their friendship spans 500 years!!!!

Hey girl

Hey

YOU’RE WELCOME

*abolish the police

[sunseteyes]

FLUFFVEMBER DAY 10: INOSUKE HASHIBIRA

prompt: netflix binge (prompts are by @jojosmilktea)

word count: 1,329 words | themes: gen!reader. inosuke being tough. horror movies but not graphical anyway.

tags: @kacchanori @chickynn @todominica @sparkleswritings @brinthie @patricia-ceballos @giyuus-wife @bitchtrynafck @astrxrism @animatedarchives @deephasoceanmagic @strawberrysalwa (send a dm or ask to be added!)

rv: i just finished the haunting of bly manor by the time i was writing this so yeah it’s what i wrote here but there’s no sort of spoilers anyway.

✒︎ it’s not a competition

it's a thing for you and the rest of the "kamaboko squad" to always have a gathering at least once or twice a week to watch movies in netflix for one night. it's either going to be at your or tanjiro's house but usually, it's gonna be on the siblings' abode.

however tonight, it's just you and inosuke in your flat. apparently, nezuko is sick and tanjiro is taking care of his sister. and of course when zenitsu has heard of it, he wanted to go to the siblings' home, to which lead to the situation that you are in now. coincidentally, inosuke was looking forward to the weekly netflix binge since you were scheduled to watch the haunting of bly manor that day. inosuke is a huge fan of thriller, horror and crime movies or series, of course he’d be looking forward to such.

as for you, you're not that much afraid of horror stories but you could say that you hate jump scares the most, that's for sure. so yes, inosuke's company could help you, you just hope he wouldn't notice it and tease you to the ends of the earth.

"so what are we gonna watch, (y/n)? it's horror, right? you're not backing down are 'ya?"

you scoffed, "of course not, are you?"

inosuke laughs sarcastically, holding his chest up high. "why should i be?! it's you who's gonna be scared tonight!"

a pout appears on your face as you pressed the play button on the remote control, eventually having the first episode load on the screen. you settled comfortably next to inosuke, instantly feeling the warmth that radiates from his body even if you were only seated beside him, merely inches away. you've never sat beside him before actually, considering that you were much closer to nezuko compared to the other three. inosuke is probably the least closest to you than zenitsu and tanjiro, so this night will probably out of your comfort zone.

still, it is a good sign for the both of you. at least now, you won't get to play favorites. and you're quite sure inosuke's not that much of a difficult person to get close with—you think.

"why are their faces turning like that it looks so weird." inosuke complains the minute the opening started showing on the screen, the array of characters and specific casts in the beginning of the episode. you couldn't help but let out a short chuckle from your chest, unconsciously snuggling further next to inosuke as you brought your legs up to the couch, reaching under the comforts of the blanket that you laid on top of you two—to which he surprisingly agreed on.

inosuke noticed your movements though. the boy flinches on his seat and turns his head to look at you with eyes wide, yet you had yours glued to the television screen, too focused on what was happening in the scene without any clue that inosuke has his attention solely to you.

above everyone, you were the only one who he cannot read at all. to have you and only you here sitting beside him is something that came out of a clear blue sky. it's not that he didn't want to interact with you, he just has no idea how and it frustrates him how much he doesn't know what to say to you most of the time. of course, it’s not like he’ll ever admit to that out loud.

unable to identify why his face was burning up, he automatically looked away, also in fear that you may notice him looking your way and misunderstand it. his gaze may be directed on the screen and the subtitles, but his mind was flying like a bird elsewhere, flapping its wings to the thoughts of you.

as time passes by, inosuke eventually composes himself, his focus now on the television screen as the film and its plot slowly processed in both of your minds. reactions and opinions were shared between you and inosuke like you were pros, used to how you both do this with the others. with how the conversation just falls smoothly like the wave of a water, you certainly felt how natural the talks were and you were liking it.

maybe all too much.

"hey i thought this is horror where are the ghosts?"

"oh calm down, nosuke. we still have eight more episodes, you know? of course they'll have to build the plot first."

"aw man this is so boring i need to see the monsters!" inosuke whines loud like a child but he continued watching, earning you a shake from the head with an amused face. you just know that he was only keeping up a front just to make himself look tough. you're beginning to feel excited of what's to come as you two watch further into the scenes.

and when the dreaded jump scare scenes arrived, you certainly did not expect them. and neither did inosuke.

"what the hell was that?! did you see that?!"

"y-yeah, i did." you tried not to stutter but your voice was too weak to conceal it. it did not left unnoticed by inosuke, immediately recognizing that expression of yours.

"what's that? are you scared?"

your eyes narrowed as you faced him, "i'm not scared! and don't pretend that you're not!" you argued, frowning at the way he was trying to act tough. but at the same time, it was not because you felt irritated by these kind of antics. you were actually having fun by these small banters. it just makes you think of the reason why you hadn't done this before.

"you flinched." you say without looking, the corner of your eyes catching his previous and current reactions.

"s'just cold, that's all!" he spats, making you scoff in almost an instant as he pulls the blanket further to his form.

you never had foreseen for someone like inosuke to be affected with the way you tease them but the more you had gotten reactions from him, the more you were beginning to feel competitive to see until the end of the movie marathon.

but alas, everything has its end and it's all because you fell asleep, as well as the said boy. the morning you woke up, it was like you were greeted with a birthday surprise even if it was not your birthday and you should have expected it because you were the one who insisted to yourself to continue watching despite having your eyes already drooping and begging to be closed.

by the time you opened your eyes, you were greeted by the sight of the living room, with the television still on and the sun peeking through the gaps of the blinds on your windows. you barely had the moment to register the living being beside you because your eyes were already wide when you turn to look at inosuke's still-sleeping form, head rested rather uncomfortably on the backseat of the couch and his lap all open for that's where you previously were.

you were about to look away but you found yourself staring at his face; openly and without any sign of embarrassment and shyness. you do admit that inosuke is beautiful but damn this is probably the time you truly believed in it.

the length and curl of his lashes that could match guys and gals alike, the softness of the look on his face even while sleeping and awake, the hue of his hair complimenting his skin complexion and texture, the way his fringes smoothly decorate his face like it was meant to be there.

damn.

you felt that familiar beating in your heart, almost some sort of drum that beats so uniquely than how it normally would. and for you, you knew what it meant.

it meant that even if it's not a competition, it was clear that you lost.

[mccnyoongi]

buttercup ⇢ pt one

⇢ pairing: yoongi x fem!reader

⇢ genre: smut + slight angst

⇢ au: college!au, fwb!au, stoner!yoongi, assholeish!yoongi, fuckboyish!yoongi fwb to lovers trope

⇢ word count: 6k+

⇢ warnings: smut, honestly mostly porn, unprotected sex, recreational use of drugs & alcohol, dirty talk, praise, degradation, ridiculously excessive use of pet names, fingering, dom!Yoongi, unprotected sex, slight dumbification (whoops), hair pulling, creampie??, oral (f receiving), pussy slaping, reader has a thing for Yoongi’s hands because who doesn’t, reader and yoongi are both sarcastic and oblivious, this part is basically pwp.

⇢ synopsis: Min Yoongi wears leather jackets, fucks you like he hates you, spends most of his days on the wrong side of a blunt, and calls you the sweetest names when no one else is around. And you definitely aren’t falling in love with him.

⇢ author’s note: so yes, buttercup is being cut up into two parts thanks to a lot of my life getting uprooted this week!!! ill spare you the details but everything is really chaotic rn so im sorry this isnt exactly what i promised :( thank u for all the insane amont of love ive gotten so far. this is a pretty um... filthy piece of writing skfjsd and it’s definitely not perfect and id love to get better with everything i put out on here but i hope u guys enoy ily xx

If there was a magic lantern hidden somewhere on the campus of this university, you’d find it and your first wish would be to make it so that no one found out about this whole illicit affair you’ve been having with Min Yoongi. The secrecy was fun, sexy like you guys had a whole Mr. and Mrs. Smith thing going on. Or something. Your second wish would be to make his dick vibrate. 

But then he just had to go and go down on you in a bathroom during a party at the Beta Tau Rho house, not even a month into the fall semester, knowing you wouldn’t be able to be quiet or subtle at all. And he was so smug about it too, the fucker.

You can still feel the embarrassment buzzing under the surface of your cheeks from when you walked out that bathroom door and a dozen frat boys and mutual friends of yours and Yoongi’s were out there, waiting for the two of you to emerge and giving you a round of applause when you did. Yoongi had just laughed and rolled his eyes before leading you to the kitchen to get the pair of you some drinks. He’s always been particularly good at brushing that shit off of his shoulder. You aren’t, but you’re pretty good at pretending.

Maybe you should have ended it all that night. Of course, you didn’t. You figured, hey,  you’re young and in school so fuck making good decisions. Of course, the fact that no other guy has ever been able to dick you down nearly as well as Min Yoongi can is probably a huge contributing factor. 

Sure he might be grumpy, and sarcastic, and he tries way too hard to look cool and nonchalant, but he’s also the first guy to ever make you squirt. And you’re pretty sure that the way he waxes poetic about your pussy would make even Shakespeare swoon. So maybe the pros outweigh the cons, but only just.

“I can’t believe you’ve been getting Yoongi dick for almost three full months and haven’t divulged every single detail and vein to me, you cold, uncaring bitch-” Jimin’s voice is far too loud for the student-run coffee shop the two of you regulared every Sunday; a tradition that Jimin always insisted upon. He loves his traditions almost as much as he loves destroying any personal boundaries between the two of you.

“Keep going Park, see if I ever buy your coffee again.”

“Don’t change the subject,” You can’t say you’re surprised that Jimin is reacting like this. Self-proclaimed ‘disaster bisexual,’ Jimin was one of the very first friends you made back when you were a shy, barely functioning freshman. 

He actually introduced you to all his frat brothers, and a large number of the people you now call your friends. Including Yoongi, whose dick seems to be a reoccurring topic between you and… most people you know. Even if they weren’t at that dumb party, Jungkook made sure that every living being that stepped onto campus was aware of the newly found out fuckbuddies.

“We don’t keep anything from each other, Y/N,” He’s whining over his coffee now, full lips perched in that pretty pout that he regularly uses to his advantage. “I even told you about that time I puked on Namjoon’s dick in our second year!”

“Mmm, and I wish you hadn’t told me, Minnie-” The visual still haunts you, but Jimin has never had any predilections when it came to oversharing, especially not with people who have the misfortune of being his best friends. “‘Sides, I didn’t figure it was important, the whole Yoongi thing-”

“His dick, you mean.”

“Because it’s not like we’re getting married,” You carefully ignore him, a useful habit you’ve picked up three years into being his friend. “Just sex, remember?”

“So fucking what? You told me how you sucked Jeon’s cock in a movie theatre less than twelve hours after it happened-” You take a large gulp of your own iced coffee to busy yourself when the shameful memory is brought up. Not shameful because of the promiscuity of the act, no you’re an adult, thank you very much, but rather because of the boy you performed them on. Jeon Jungkook is now more of an annoying younger brother to you than anything. Not to mention he’s got a giant mouth that couldn’t keep a secret even if it killed him.

“Jesus you could’ve picked any other example-” You groan out as Jimin smirked, receiving the exact reaction from you he wanted. You think you’d have learned by now. “I’m sorry, okay? You big baby.”

“Hey, you’re on thin ice,” He points an accusatory finger at you and you have to fight the urge to smack it out of your face. “Now you have to make it up to me.”

You sigh- Jimin can really be exhausting when you’re only half a medium coffee in. “And how do you expect me to do that, Park.”

“Dick details, fucking obviously,” He says it like you’re a moron for even asking. And maybe you are. “Well details in general, I guess. You know, the basics; length, girth, does he make you call him daddy, is he good- I mean he must be un-fucking-real if you’ve been bouncing on it for three goddamn months, you whore.”

“I’m not giving you measurements, Jimin, I’ve yet to take a tape measure to it- and stop assuming everyone has a daddy kink just ‘cause you do.”

“Okay, vanilla bitch. You’re lucky I already know he’s got a monster cock from that time he streaked at that post-mid-term party next year.”

“Then why’d you even ask?”

“To see if you’d tell me the truth. It was a test and you failed.”

“I may be a college student but you’re gonna have to threaten me with a little more than a failing grade to spook me,” You roll your eyes playfully- there’s no real threat in his words, there never is.

“You’re right, I’m sure you’d much rather be punished by Yoongi, huh?”

                    ..............................................................................

Watching Yoongi roll a joint, his long, slender and experienced fingers moving quickly and deftly, has always had this near hypnotizing-like effect on you. His apartment smells like weed, the scent never surprising and would almost be overwhelming if you weren’t so used to it by now. The sight alone is almost enough to make you wet. But you’re stronger than that- except for when you’re not. 

Sexy hands aside, but unfortunately not on you, you’re thankful for his cannabis-related expertise because a) you can’t roll one yourself to save your life and b) despite normally reserving your consumption habits for parties, you feel like you deserve a fat one after the week you’ve had. What with, you know, the stress of having every student on campus knowing about yours and Yoongi’s torrid affair, thanks to fucking Jeon Jungkook. Brat. Plus incessant goading from both Jimin and your roommate, Irene- equally angry as Jimin about your worst kept secret- has only made you sink further into your insecure and paranoid thoughts.

The weed would help, you’d told yourself when your phone pinged with that much anticipated what’re u up 2? late night text from the raven-haired devil himself. Yep, it was the weed, the comforting blanket of getting high. And had nothing to do with the boy that was offering them. Not even his fat cock or magnetic pull he seemed to have on you. 

“Alright, dove,” He says from his spot on his worn-out single-dorm couch- the names don’t tend to surprise you the way they used to. You kinda figured that the affection-starved Yoongi had just you know… gotten comfortable with the girl he had been fucking for the last couple of months. No big deal. Sure they made your heart swell and your panties dampen, but then it could be looked at as a positive. 

He looks up at you from his spot on the couch, where he’s uncomfortably hunched over the table as he works and notices how you’re looking rather spaced out- not entirely rare for you. He’s used to the hundred-mile stare you tend to adopt when deep in thought, though it’s considerably less common for a sober you.

“Dove?” Nothing. “Y/N?” It’s the use of your actual name from his lips that finally grabs your attention.  You finally turn your head to look at him, the glaze of deep thought finally leaving your eyes. An eyebrow quirks to let him know you’ve heard him, but his gaze remains piercing and unwavering on yours. “You need to stop worrying so much, dove.”

“That’s what the weed is for, Yoongs.”

“The weed? You’re just here so I can smoke you out then, huh? No ulterior motives, hm?” His tone is as dry and sarcastic as ever, qualities he had quickly become known for around campus. He shurgs “Fine. Just here to sesh. C’mere then.”

You scoot closer to his side of the couch, not even thinking twice before listening to him. His tongue is tantalizing as he licks the rolling paper, even if he doesn’t mean it to be. He’s almost always tantalizing to you.

“Don’t be grumpy. You invited me over,” Your words are softer than you meant, but your proximity to him makes you feel stilted. He was right, you really needed a smoke, more on edge than ever.

“Well, technically,” He starts, unlit, perfectly rolled joint now perched between his lips. He grabs at your legs before continued so that you were resting sideways on the black couch, legs strewn over legs, thighs touching thighs. “I invited the best pussy on campus over.” You crinkle your nose at his bluntness.

“Yoongi-” You scold indignantly and pinch at a well-toned bicep. “Don’t be an asshole, you asshole.” He grins despite the insult like he’d expected it. Or he’s revelling in it.

“You know I’m just fucking around, angel,” His arm tucks around your waist comfortably, pulling you even closer. “Tryna chill you out. I can tell when you’re all strung out. I know how you,” He pokes you in the middle of the forehead, still grinning, as you pout from being called strung out. “Tick.” 

He really does, doesn't he? The thought is mildly terrifying, and you think that Yoongi might be too smart or his own good sometimes. When he’s not smoking himself into another dimension, that is.

He leans back into his seat, uncurling from around you to finally light up. A few sparks later and the room is fogging up with overly pungent smoke- the cheap smell makes you think that he probably bought it off of Hobi, too lazy to go any further off-campus than his own block of apartments to one of the nice but relatively affordable dispensaries. You crinkle your nose at the scent, grateful he’s too distracted to notice since he’d probably just tease you for liking the fancy shit more. At least you trust Hobi, and he lives only two buildings down from Yoongi. Truly an age of convenience.

A few passes, tokes, whatevers later, and you’re feeling substantially... floaty. You’ve completely relaxed, choosing to lie down rather than put the effort into sitting up, though your legs are still thrown across your equally high counterpart’s. What’s left of the roach is left to burn in one of many strategically placed ashtrays around the apartment, this one being on the living room table.

Yoongi has barely moved in the past while, head resting lazily on the back of the couch, black hair messy and his neck- which is somehow handsome to you- stretched out, and hands resting against your bare knees. You’ve barely paid him any mind, the silence nothing but comforting and easy. 

Which is why you can’t help but jolt just a little in surprise when those hands, the hypnotizing ones you’re so obsessed with suddenly start creeping up your legs, halfway up your thighs, carefully kneading the supple flesh he finds there. He chuckles at your reaction, finally picking his up his head to watch you through heavy-lidded eyes. “Bet you’re extra sensitive right now, huh petal?” He doesn’t have to bet because he knows it’s true, knows how needy you get when you’ve smoked. And he loves it- it’s why he never makes you pay for any of the times he smokes you out.

“Fuck off,” You whine at his light-hearted teasing, but Yoongi just giggles- he fucking giggles- in response, hands still travelling the expanse of your thighs. 

“Be nice,” His words are still jovial, but there’s a gruffness behind them that sends a shiver down your spine, despite the relative stuffiness of his living room.

“I am nice, you’re just a dick,” You pout- childish, but you can’t quite come up with anything more clever at the moment. The jab may be weaker than your usual quips, but Yoongi seems to have decided it’s enough to warrant a punishment of sorts, as he sends a quick slap onto your thigh. It’s certainly not the harshest hit you’ve received from him, it’s more playful than anything, but it’s enough to make you whine, not even noticing when your own hands jump down to grab at him and your now sore flesh.

His eyes take on a new sort of darkness, beyond the dilated pupils from the high he’s in the middle of as he grabs at your wrists, any assault you had planned halting in its tracks. His large hands that you’ve drooled over- figuratively and literally- many a time are big enough that he only needs one of them to hold both of yours steady. He uses his grip on you to yank you back up to a sitting position, where your noses almost touch and you can feel his breath fan across your lips.

“I told you, I know how you tick,” He lets his tongue swipe out to wet his lips, the act distracts you and makes you mimic it with your own tongue and lips. The smirk he gives you is all at once wicked and panty dampening. “Which means I know you like it when I’m mean. I know you like when I treat you like this, like my little slut,” The word makes you draw in a breath as your face reddens in humiliation and tension. “And- and I know you’re probably soaking through your panties right now, all over my couch. Making a fucking mess.”

It infuriates you to no end how right he is as your breaths come out shaky and uneven as you feel your pussy flutter around nothing beneath your shorts and panties. 

“Aren’t you?” His tone doesn’t leave room for playfulness anymore, and you’re nodding dumbly before you can give it a second thought. “Good girl.”

He doesn’t give you any time to bask in the praise before he’s leaning in to capture your lips in a searing and sloppy kiss. He’s domineering even in the way he kisses you, teeth biting and tongue sweeping into your own mouth as he revels in the small sounds that escape you. His hands leave your wrists, freeing them so you can grip onto raven locks with a newly freed hand as his own wrap around your waist. 

Every sense is filled with him, and it is all at once comforting and exhilarating.

He tugs and roughly manhandles you so that you’re properly astride his denim-covered thighs, your lips never untangling in the process. When your lips finally do come apart, it’s with a lewd sound and a gasp from your mouth. He’s still smirking.

“Gonna fuck you so good petal,” Yoongi has always been so blunt and unforgiving, whether in bed or out and it had been one of the things that first attracted you to him, besides his obvious good looks. 

Before the two of you had even gotten together, when you were friends who didn’t fuck on the regular, you had even mustered up the courage to touch yourself to the thought of him speaking to you like this- your own fingers circling your clit and delving into yourself without abandon. You had only been able to imagine up a fraction of his sexual prowess. 

Like the time only a few weeks ago you admitted to him in a foggy haze, high than you think you’d ever been. how you’d brought yourself to climax with images and soundbites of him flitting through your head. He’d immediately made you put on a show for him- recreating those nights, but this time with him sitting feet away from you and ignoring your pleas for him to touch you.

Right now, however, the only things keeping you grounded in reality is the feeling of the muscles in his thighs flexing beneath you, though nowhere near where you truly ache to be touched, and one of his hands brutishly tangled in your hair, pulling harshly so he can have easy access to your neck. Plush lips start soft, kissing and licking at the skin there, before his teeth join in, biting and sucking like he loves the taste of you (because he does).

“Y-yoongi-” You’re trying to keep the whimpers at bay, like maybe if you stop yourself from seeming so turned on so fast it’ll get him to fuck you faster. “C’mon, just fuck me already.”

“So demanding for such a needy bitch,” He has you squirming on his lap and you don’t know why you thought you had any power over him left. “Have you forgotten your place? Can’t think of anything else but getting fucked, huh?”

You nod in agreement, but find out he must want a verbal response when you’re met with a sharp spank to your ass that has you squealing and bucking into his lap. “Yeah, yeah Yoongi ‘m sorry, just need it.”

“I know, baby, I know, you can’t even help it when you get all messy like this, I know,” You can’t decide whether his words are sweet or patronizing when he coos at you like that, but either way he’s got you another pair of panties.

“Need you to fix it, Yoongs,” All pride is out the window when he’s got you like this, and you love pleading with him to give you what you want almost as much as likes making you beg.

“I will,” He gives you one more harsh bite to the junction of your neck and your shoulder that you know will blossom into a bruise just in time for your 10 AM class tomorrow and you hiss at the mingling of pain and pleasure. “Now fucking get up,” He pats lightly at your thigh twice at the order.

You’re in no position to disobey, and you know from experience that not listening to him will end up with a sore ass and no release in sight. You stand up on shaky, doe-like legs and he grins at the sight of you. He stands up with you, his lean form and strong stance making him look taller than he really is. Then his long fingers are pulling at what little clothing you have, stripping you of both your tank top and your shorts and your bra isn’t far behind. Soon you’re clad only in your panties while he’s still fully clothed in black form-fitting jeans and a plain white t-shirt. Thankfully he leaves his cliche, but devastatingly sexy leather jacket at the door.

He doesn’t make any move to undress at all and you hope to god he will eventually- you love seeing his honey-coloured skin covered in a thin layer of sweat as he fucks you into oblivion. But for now, he stays fully clothed and he roughly pulls you by your upper arm until he can bend you over the arm of the couch, panty-covered ass high and perfectly on display for him.

“God, you’re fucking dripping,” He taunts, fingers running over your pussy through the thin cotton, making you whine into the rough cushion your face is resting on. “All this from almost nothing, huh? You’re such a fucking slut for me, shit.” He sounds genuinely amazed by you and when you uncomfortably crane your neck back to get a good look at him you let out a proper moan. He must have stripped his shirt off when you weren’t facing him, because his chest is bare for you to gaze at, or you would gaze at it if you weren’t distracted by the hand that isn’t on you, which is lazily working over his cock, rock hard and aching through his jeans.

He smirks when he notices what’s grabbed your attention, knowing you’re only moments away from quite literally drooling on his pillows. “Is this what you want? Hm?”

“Ye-yeah your cock, Yoongi, need your cock,” Your face burns red and blood burns hot as the crude words leave your mouth.

“And you’ll fucking get it, dove,” The cute name contrasts the second harsh spank he lands on your ass and you moan at the delicious sting. 

You think that he must be about to tear your panties off and sink into you, but that would be too predictable and Yoongi loves to keep you on your toes. Instead, he disappears from your line of sight, a dull thump coming from the hardwood as he drops to his knees, feline gaze now level with your cunt. 

“Yoongi-” You’re whining again, and you even have to hold yourself back from stomping your foot childishly because, god, you just need him to do something.

And then he finally does- he licks a thick stripe, right from your clit to your entrance, still over your panties, and you gasp in surprise. He does it again, twice, three, four times until your hips are bucking and you’re whining because you need more, you need him to actually touch you and not be a giant fucking tease for once in his life.

“Be fucking patient,” He hisses out, but at least he’s finally rolling your underwear down your legs to toss them somewhere across the room. “Or I swear to god, I’ll hold you down just like this so you can’t even squirm while I get myself off all over your messy cunt,” His hand is running up and down your bare pussy as he speaks, spreading the wetness around, to your clit and your thighs and your ass and then back again. “And then I’ll send you home without touching you or cleaning you up, so you’ll have to take the subway home covered in my come and fucking trembling. So be fucking good.” At the last word, he lands a mean slap against your gushing cunt and you let out an embarrassing squeak.

“Shit-fuck- Yoongi, please, just-” You stutter through your words, needing to get them out, though you don’t know why. “I’ll be good, okay? ‘M your good girl, I am, promise, I’ll be good.”

He doesn’t respond, at least not verbally. But you have to assume he’s happy with your desperate response when he finally delves into your pussy like a man starved, tongue licking into you, the muscle sending spasms up and down your legs. You have to muffle your moans by biting into a pillow, not needing another altercation with his neighbours, but you want nothing more than to yell his name as loud as you can until your voice goes hoarse when he shakes his head from side to side, tongue still buried inside of you and one of his hands now roughly circling your clit. 

It’s too much, but it’s not nearly enough. It’s when he switches positions between his hand and mouth that you think you might explode; his mouth latches onto your clit, tongue circling and playing with it and two fingers fucking into you, preparing you for the impressive girth of his own cock.

Your teeth let go of the strong grip it has so you can warn him of your impending orgasm. “Yoongi- gonna come-” You manage to choke out between barely quieted moans.

You know that he wouldn’t be able to respond if he was still suckling on your clit, but you still whine and wiggle your hips as he pulls away, earning you yet another spank to your rear, where you can only assume a nice handprint is forming. “Yeah? Want you to come all over my face, like a good messy whore- gotta come for me before I can fuck you like you need.” 

When his mouth finds your swollen clit again, you can’t help it as your orgasm barrels through you almost violently, every muscle tensing and fingers grasping at whatever they can find, neighbour’s delicate sensibilities forgotten as you moan out Yoongi’s name. He licks you through it, fingers no longer pistoning into you. When the last of the tremors have faded he finally pulls away, using his clean hand to wipe your mess off of his chin, though it hardly cleans him. 

“Good fucking girl,” The roughness with which he was grinding his still covered bulge into your now sopping wet center would be impossible to ignore even if your head weren’t a million miles away. But for now, everything is Yoongi, every single scent is filled with him and you think that that might be making your head even fuzzier than the drugs coursing through your system, but you’re too far gone to be sure. Or to even care.

Because all you can think about is his mouth-watering hands kneading at the slightly pinkened skin of your ass, his mouth-watering cock rutting against you and his mouth-watering, well, mouth pressing wet kisses and occasional bites up and down your spine. “Yoongi,” You meant to speak with at least a little more conviction, but his name comes out as little more than a mumble.

“Hm,” He hums against your skin and even those slight vibrations reverberate straight to your heart, which starts beating faster at the thought of what’s to come. “What, is my babygirl still needy?” 

The use of the word my in front of the affectionate name makes your heart jump, but you don’t even have time to scold yourself for thinking with your post-orgasmic pussy before he continues talking with that sinful mouth of him. “Such a greedy, desperate girl, won’t be happy ‘til you’re stuffed full of my fat cock,” His words have you whining and grinding back against him, where you don’t have to look to know you’re leaving a stain on his favourite jeans.  If you’re unlucky- or lucky depending on your mood- he’ll make you clean it up with your tongue as further delicious torture. 

But smoking makes Yoongi needy too, no matter how much he teases you for the effect it has on you, and he can’t wait much longer, not with his cock so hard he was a razor blades’ edge from losing his mind. He needs to be inside you as much as you need him.

Which is why you don’t doubt him for a second when he’s murmuring things about how he’s ‘gonna fuck you so good, gonna fuck you stupid,’ and you can only respond with even quieter whispers of ‘I knows’ and ‘pleases’ as he strips himself oh the rest of his clothes, hissing from oversensitivity as his cock makes contact with the air. It’s wonderfully overwhelming and he’s not even fucking you yet.

You can’t even explain how grateful you are when Yoongi turns you around because you love just seeing his cock. You’ve never been one to describe guys’ dicks as pretty before- except that TA you managed to fuck before Jimin sunk his claws into him, Kim Seokjin, because, well, you’re not blind. But Yoongi’s dick is gorgeous. It’s not the biggest thing you’ve ever seen, and it doesn’t have to be, not when it’s girthy enough to make you salivate with a curve that points to the heavens. Gorgeous.

He’s pulling you on top of him so he can sit back down and you’re back to straddling him, and you don’t complain because you know he’s tired both from the pot and crouching on his haunches for access to your center not two minutes ago. Plus he loves when you ride him, breasts bouncing in his face, wetness making a mess out of his lap and full access of your entire body for both his hands and lips.

“Need you to bounce on my fat cock before I fucking explode, baby,” And you’d have to be some sort of a madwoman to deny him.

“Need it too, Yoongs,” You don’t know why you feel the need to remind how desperate you are for him, surely he can feel it, your swollen pussy resting only centimetres above his throbbing length. “Can’t think of anything else.”

“I know,” He’s rubbing the angry red tip against your sopping folds, tinges of overstimulation making you jolt. Or you would jolt if his hands weren’t heavy on your waist, keeping you steady so you couldn’t a) get away from his cock or b) properly sink down onto it. “So pathetic and perfect for me like this, all cock drunk and fucked out and I haven’t even fucked you yet, huh?”

You nod frantically, and you can’t even find the energy to be embarrassed when a hand comes up to pet your hair with a condescending ‘awe’ as he pouts at you. You bat his hand away with a whine and furrowed eyebrows, but all that gets you is his hand tangled in your hair, yanking sharply in retaliation. “Careful, slut, or you won’t be coming for the next week-”

“Please, Yoongi-” You don’t let him finish, knowing from experience to always take his threats seriously. “I’m sorry, I’m fucking sorry, okay just please-”

You cut yourself off with a high pitched, tea kettle-like squeak as he uses his hands on you as leverage to have you sink down onto his cock in one fell swoop. “Shit, god, you’re always so fucking tight around me, fuck me.”

I am, is what you wish you were coherent enough to snark back with, but you’re sure no one would blame you if they could feel what you feel right now. And what you’re feeling right now is how well Yoongi feels inside of you, like no cock you’ve ever had. Every ridge and vein on his cock fills you up to the fucking brim, no room left for a pinky or a thought that has to do with anything other than Yoongi, Yoongi, Yoongi.

And then he starts with those devilish moments of his hip, fucking into you shallowly and slowly to start and it’s all Yoongi’s dick. 

“Fucking bounce on it, dove. Fuck yourself on my cock, show me how much you need it,” He speaks through gritted teeth, each word a struggle as he tries not to fuck into you without thought. And it’s with the satisfaction you get knowing he’s just as desperate for you as you are for him that you find the strength to do as he says.

With quivering thighs, you push up and off of his cock, the two of you sharing a harmonious groan at the feeling, foreheads pressed against each other, skin sweaty. And this all just in the calm before the storm. 

It’s not long before the both of you are moving frantically, mere seconds, really. It’s intense and all-encompassing, as you grind and roll your hips, cock deeper than you knew to be possible, and his bucking his own hips into you roughly, no doubt as deeply in some sort of euphoria as you are. His hands are everywhere and so are his lips. He sucks marks into your tits and gropes your ass, controlling your movements to the best of his abilities.

All of that, plus your clit grinding against his pelvic bone every other second and your head just might be in another universe. 

Yoongi’s words are swirling around in your head, though you’re not properly taking any of it in- his velvety voice goes on about how wet you are, how tight you are, how you’re a good girl and it’s all another instrument in your downfall. You’ve never been much for heights but being with Yoongi feels like something akin to what you assume bungee jumping is like, and you’re just about at that point where your cord runs out of length and your heart drops to the bottom of your stomach.

“Tell me you’re fucking close, baby, c’mon,” This is as close to pleading as you can ever get Yoongi but you’re still swimming in pride. He brings a hand off of your ass to cup your cheek, brushing away your now mussed hair and a single stray tear and you drink in the look in his eyes, dark red-rimmed and needing. “Gonna fill you up with my come, just like I know you like, my perfect little cumslut, fuck, just need you to come first, yeah? All over my fucking cock.”

And with a particularly hard grasp at your ass, bringing you to grind your clit against him again, you’re gone. It’s considerably less intense than the previous one, as many second orgasms are, but your head is still spinning and you think you might have drooled a little, but you don’t mind and you know Yoongi doesn’t. Your attempts to stifle your moans are unsuccessful as the name of the man attached to your favourite cock falls from your lips like a mantra.

And where your orgasm is, Yoongi is rarely far behind- he loves seeing you fall apart around him, because of him and you always clench so fucking hard around him in the peak of your pleasure how could he fucking not. He’s grunting, moaning, damn near growling as he spurts his own release as deep into you as he possibly can, coating every inch of your delectable pussy, vague mumbles of how he’s filling you up, just like you’re meant to be that you can just barely hear.

Shakey breaths hit each of your faces as you come down, now still and worn out. Your chests move up and down and you don’t know when you’ve buried your face into the crook of his neck, but the warmth and smell are more comforting than any hit you’ve ever taken off of one of his blunts.

“Shit, buttercup,” He chuckles, the vibrations rumbling through his chest and where you’ve tucked yourself He runs a hand through his sweaty black locks, the other hand locked around your waist. “I don’t know how we’re gonna move without making this couch fucking disgusting.” Mood killer.

“Don’t give a shit.”

“Yeah, but I do. Especially if Joon or Hobi someone finds it and makes a big fucking deal out of it, like no other guy in his twenties has some come stained furniture.”

You pull back from the spot you wish he’d just let you fall asleep in so he can see your pout. He can’t find the sight of you… adorable? Your hair matted, bruises, courtesy of yours truly littering your tits and chest, a thin sheen of sweat making your skin glow and bottom lip jutted out exactly enough to be overexaggerated and so fucking adorable. 

At that moment he’s glad that about three weeks ago the two of you had started to break the unspoken no sleeping over after sex rule because he just wants to clean you up and feel you curl yourself around him like you like to.

You don’t know what time it is, just that it’s late and that it doesn't matter, because this was certainly time well spent. You wonder how much sleep you’ve given up in lieu of Yoongi’s pretty dick. Of course, it does matter... because you have a 9 am class tomorrow morning that you can’t miss, but that’s for future you to worry about. For now, it’s time to try to get up without defiling this Ikea couch (you failed miserably and giggled about it while Yoongi groaned in mock pain), burn out just one more joint, steal some clothes for bed and some snacks from his fridge, and pass the fuck out on his bed, which you think is way better than yours, but that has nothing to do with the boy in it or his comforting warmth and smell.

                     ..............................................................................

Past you is a dumb bitch. Also maybe current you. Point being, you hate you, because you’re sore and stiff and ten minutes late to your dumb 9 am class and it’s all Yoongi’s fucking fault. You texted him this much, calling him a ‘little bitch boy’ for not even waking you up to make you a cup of coffee with his fancy instant coffee machine before you left. He hasn’t responded yet because holy fuck does that guy sleep like a rock. A really cute, cuddly, sex-god rock.

But, as usual, Jimin came in clutch, handing you off a coffee as your paths crossed on campus, each of you heading to your respective classes. He gave you a one-armed-too-tight hug and a comment on how you have that very glamourous ‘I got fucked by Min Fucking Yoongi last night and you didn’t so I’m better than you look.’ You tried to take it as a compliment as you thanked him for the coffee. He gave you a cute kiss to your forehead that reminded you you could never even be annoyed at him for too long.

And now you’re in class. Headache from not getting enough sleep getting worse by the second while you tried not to think about what judgements people must be passing on you, with your sunglasses inside and hickeys you didn’t have time to cover up.

When your phone pings you assume it’s Jimin, with something slutty or sarcastic or both. But it’s not. It’s Yoongi- well, it’s what you have Yoongi’s number saved under, aka the drooling emoji three times over… You’re surprised he’s awake, you’re pretty sure he doesn’t have shit to do until the afternoon. 

You have a fleeting thought that it could be a dick pic- yeah it’s a little early for that kind of dumb fuckboy behaviour, and you’d previously thought that too, but Kim Taehyung proved you wrong last year. 

Yoongi isn’t a dick pic kind of guy anyway. No, he’s the guy that sends pictures of his hand around your throat that one night you let him take artsy photos of you two fucking on his film camera. The kind of guy that sends you audios of him jerking off and moaning your name that you listen to through your earphones in between classes because he knew you wouldn’t be able to help yourself. He’s the guy that drives you crazy because you can never quite predict what he’s gonna do next.

[9:23 am] From 🤤🤤🤤: you could have woken me you know dummy

[9:24 am] From 🤤🤤🤤: subways are gross in the morning

[9:25 am] From 🤤🤤🤤: i could have u know, driven u…

[9:26 am] From 🤤🤤🤤: cant really say no to u buttercup.

You don’t know why you’re heart’s beating so fast so you reprimand yourself for thinking with your pussy. Min motherfucking Yoongi is gonna be the death of you.

[hauntedskeletonmoon]

ENTRY THE ??????

Time may have lost all meaning but horror media sure hasn’t! I have more opinions written just for you, dear reader.

16) Scarlet Hollow

Friends of some of my real life friends made this game! Do you like weird old towns, fucked up humanoid monsters, and elderly dogs? Then BOY, do I have a visual novel for you. I recently did a playthrough of what’s been released so far and really enjoyed it. The dialogue is fun and snappy and the art (by Abby Howard, creator of the incredible webcomic The Last Halloween) is GORGEOUS. I have no idea what’s going to happen in the story but I’m very intrigued. The first chapter is free on Steam and there’s still time to back the kickstarter this week. 

17) Halloween III: Season of the Witch

Back in 2014 I had the audacity—the AUDACITY—to say that this movie wasn’t worth watching because it was “muddled and nonsensical.” Horseshit. Watch it. It’s about an evil scheme to use Halloween masks powered by Stonehenge to turn American children into piles of bugs and snakes. Who gives a shit if it’s “good”? Movies don’t need to be good to be good.

18) The Haunting of Hill House (2018) 19) The Haunting of Bly Manor (2020)

I’m here to tell you that these shows are good, actually. However, you do have to go in knowing that they are not one-to-one adaptations of the original stories, but more like extended riffs on the idea that love and horror are inextricable. I’m very into that so I had a grand old time. Hill House properly captures how I imagined Shirley Jackson’s accursed building would ensnare a whole family instead of just one person. Bly Manor commits the gravest possible horror sin—it isn’t scary—but it has something most shows don’t: wholesome, straightforward lesbian content. Both of these are on Netflix. 

20) Daniel Isn’t Real

I went into this movie with low expectations and was very pleasantly surprised. Not unlike The Babadook, the central “antagonist” seems to be a crude metaphor for mental illness but turns out to be something external: a thing in itself that preys on the weak and the wounded. An imaginary friend turns out to be very real and very dangerous...and also, the main character’s mother has a harrowing schizophrenic breakdown. Multiple things can be scary! The performances in this are fantastic and it has some very surprising body horror about halfway through.

21) [REC] (part one and part two on dailymotion)

Remember zombies? Remember when zombies were scary? Pepperidge Farm remembers. If [REC] doesn’t creep you out you may be clinically dead. Just watch it. 

22) Child’s Play (2019)

This is yet another movie that pleasantly surprised me. It’s a reimagining of the classic Child’s Play for the 21st century and you know what? It’s not half bad. Instead of the ghost of a serial killer, this iteration of the Chucky doll is inhabited by a malfunctioning artificial intelligence; the movie opens with a disgruntled sweatshop worker disabling the morality protocols on a high tech children’s toy. If you’re wondering why a toy has morality protocols that can be disabled then you are thinking too hard. Just go with it. Mark Hamill voices the doll.

23) Bride of Chucky 24) Seed of Chucky

I am recommending these movies for serious reasons and definitely not because I have a huge monster crush on Jennifer Tilly. These are two of the silliest horror movies I’ve ever seen and frankly I adore them. Bride is a genius continuation of the original Child’s Play mythos and Seed (good lord I do hate that title though...) is so bizarre I can’t not recommend it. It has John Waters and a child doll who is sometimes Glen and sometimes Glenda. It also has Jennifer Tilly playing herself and Jennifer Tilly playing a murderous doll because she HAS the range. 

25) Friday the 13th Part VIII: Jason Takes Manhattan

This is an objectively terrible movie but you should absolutely watch it. Jason Takes Manhattan posits that Crystal Lake connects to another lake which is close enough to New York City for a bunch of high school seniors to take a boat there. About 90% of the movie is spent on the boat, and when Jason finally arrives in Manhattan it’s actually Vancouver. He punches a man’s head straight off his shoulders and into a dumpster. Please watch this movie.

26) Alien vs. Predator

Watching this made me understand why people write reader-insert fanfiction about the Predator. Is it scary? No. Does it have that thing where someone or something gets cut in half really fast and then falls apart slowly? Yes. If you like seeing buff monsters go about their business then you’ll probably like this.

27) The Existential Threat (music video)

Back in middle and high school I used to get a kick out of watching Cyriak’s animations of exponentially multiplying and mutating farm animals. Cyriak has come a long way as an artist since then. I truly hated watching this. It’s the visual equivalent of accidentally tasting your medication before you swallow it. Top tier creepy stuff, in other words. 

[reddielibrary]

Eddie, You Had One Job

Written by @greenornaments

Gift for @eduardoandale

Pairing: Richie Tozier x Eddie Kaspbrak

Word count: 4,937

Rating: Teen

AO3 Link - https://archiveofourown.org/works/21248489

Summary: Eddie can’t think of anything he’d rather do less than spend his Friday night at the drama department’s annual haunted attraction. Little does he know, he’s about to have a life changing encounter with one Richie Tozier....

Eddie trudged along, shivering in the chilly October air despite the warmth of his fleece hoodie. He couldn’t believe he had allowed Bill and Stan to talk him into spending his Friday night going to the haunted house put on by their university’s drama department. The three of them hardly ever got to hang out lately, what with midterms and part-time jobs demanding much of their free time, and Eddie’s suggestion for this rare night of togetherness had been to rent a stack of movies (or even better, videogames) and hole themselves up in his and Stan’s dorm room with a healthy supply of popcorn, chips, and soda. 

However, Bill, the resident drama geek, who had worked the haunted house for the past two weekends, had suggested that they all check it out from an audience’s perspective. Stan had, of course, readily agreed, so unfortunately, Eddie had been outvoted. Which was a shame because he’d really been looking forward to a relaxing night with just them, not them plus a hundred other people in frosty temperatures while his fingers turned into mini popsicles. 

“Step it up, Ed, or we’ll never get there,” Bill called out to him, turning his head back to look at Eddie, who was several strides behind his friends. 

“I’m gonna say it again, this is dumb,” Eddie grumbled. “It’s fucking freezing out. We’re all going to catch hypothermia and die, if we don’t catch the flu first from being surrounded by so many people during peak season. Besides, it’s not like you don’t know what this thing is like, you’ve worked it.”

“Yeah, but you guys haven’t seen it yet,” Bill pointed out. “And we’ve all worked really hard on it, so I wanna see how you like it.”

“Come on, Eddie. It’ll be fun,” coaxed Stan. “Besides, do you really want to spend every weekend of your entire college experience in your room?” he added. 

“Yes, because at least my room is clean. At least MY half of it is,” replied Eddie, which caused Stan to roll his eyes in exasperation. 

“Don’t worry, Eddie, we’ll be there to protect you if it gets too scary,” teased Bill. 

“I am NOT scared,” Eddie declared firmly. He wasn’t, not really. Sure, sometimes horror movies and stuff frustrated him. He was usually the one to cover his eyes whenever they watched them together, after all. Granted, some (well, most) of the time it was because he literally could not watch someone make a stupid decision that led them right into the monster’s trap without getting irrationally angry and going off on a rapidfire tangent that quickly made the other boys regret watching with him. But still. 

Mostly, he wasn’t all that enthused with going to the haunted house because he knew Stan and Bill were going to be all touchy and clingy the entire time and he was probably going to spend the entire evening as a glorified third wheel. 

He saw Bill and Stan exchange a look. “Whatever you say, Ed,” said Stan. “Tell you what, next time we all have a free Friday night, you pick what we do. Deal?”

Eddie sighed. “Deal,” he agreed, resigning himself to an evening of freezing his ass off while being surrounded by a bunch of over-enthusiastic theatre kids who were determined to make him jump out of his skin. 

The three of them made it at last to the edge of the vast field which, in warmer months, usually played host to traveling carnivals, but which was currently sporting a carefully crafted maze made of painted plywood, in addition to a series of temporary mobile buildings, all of which were decorated to look as spooky as possible. Which, if Eddie was being honest, wasn’t very. Crude wooden signs that said things like TURN BACK, BEWARE, and ABANDON HOPE were strategically placed along a pathway that led to a large, black tent adorned with orange and purple string lights. To be perfectly frank, it all looked a lot tamer than Eddie had been expecting, not that he would ever risk hurting Bill’s feelings by saying so. 

A throng of people were already making their way inside the tent. Bill led the way in, Stan following closely behind him, and Eddie bringing up the rear. He looked around, unable to see too much since the inside of the tent was dark except for the spaced out battery-operated lanterns providing the only source of light. They served as illumination for a small, wooden platform that stood in the center of the tent like a stage. A guy, clearly one of the drama students, sat on a stool on top of the platform, holding a microphone in his lap and watching as the tent began to fill with people. He briefly caught Eddie’s eye as their group of three settled in a spot toward the front of the crowd, directly facing the makeshift stage.

“So, what are we waiting for, exactly?” Eddie murmured to Bill as the tent continued to fill up with excited patrons. He rubbed his hands together in an effort to warm them up now that they were semi-inside and out of the cold air. 

“This is the holding area. They’re just gonna explain how the tour works and…” Bill began to explain, but Eddie was only half listening because, in spite of himself, he kept finding his eyes wandering back over to the guy on the platform. Even though he’d silently admitted to himself in high school that he might not be straight, he still had a great deal of difficulty allowing himself to check guys out for more than a few seconds at a time, as though he were always afraid that someone would notice and judge him for it if he let his gaze linger too long. He supposed that came from a lifetime of someone always telling him he was wrong in some way, whether that be kids at school or, usually, his own mother. 

In the dark tent, though, he felt a bit safer letting himself take a good look. Not that there was anything particularly special about this guy. He was just a typical college student. He looked pretty nerdy, really, what with his tacky long-sleeved Hawaiian shirt, unkempt dark hair and huge glasses that took up a sizable portion of his face. It was a very cute face, though, which was probably why Eddie felt like he had to keep stealing glances at it while catching bits and pieces of whatever Bill was saying. 

“.....and you definitely shouldn’t touch the actors,” Bill continued. Eddie blinked, momentarily taken out of his enrapturement with Mr. Hawaiian Shirt. 

“What?”

“You can’t touch the actors, it’s a major rule,” said Bill. “You wouldn’t believe how many times I’ve almost been beaten shitless by some weenie who got too scared.”

“I’ll keep that in mind,” said Eddie with an eyeroll, even as he silently thought that, maybe, he wouldn’t mind touching at least ONE of the actors. He glanced back over to the guy on the podium, who, to Eddie’s absolute horror, was looking right back at him with a raised eyebrow. 

“Motherfuckin shit fuck,” Eddie whispered in a panic as he averted his eyes, his face so burning hot he just knew he was probably as red as a tomato. He hoped it was dark enough that the other guy didn’t notice, but knowing his luck, he probably wasn’t that fortunate. 

“You ok, Ed?” asked Stan, giving him a curious look. 

“Fine,” Eddie mumbled. He only wanted a hole to open up beneath him so he could fall into it and disappear, but yeah, other than that, he was great. He saw Stan and Bill exchange another look out of the corner of his eye, but thankfully, they didn’t press the issue. 

Just then, someone closed the open flap of the tent, plunging it into almost complete darkness. A spooky sound effects tape began to play on a low volume from somewhere across the tent. The lanterns shone onto the platform, where Mr. Hawaiian Shirt was standing up and getting ready to address the audience. 

“Alright, how is everyone doing this fine evening, ladies and germs?” he said into the microphone, his voice reverberating throughout the tent. A mumbled scattering of voices responded, and the guy shook his head in disappointment. 

“Oh, come on, you bitches can do better than that. I said, how is everyone doing?” He thrust the mic out into the audience, who responded with a loud chorus of “GOOOOOD.”

“Beautiful,” said the guy happily, catching Eddie’s eye again as he said the word. “Anyway, my name is Richie and welcome to our humble little haunted attraction!” Ah, so Mr. Hawaiian Shirt had a name. Richie. Eddie filed it away in the back of his mind as he tried to stop his face from flushing every time Richie looked in his direction. 

“Let me be clear, our goal here is to make sure you all have a friggin great time, and we do that by trying to scare the absolute shit out of you,” said Richie into the mic, one hand casually resting into the pocket of his jeans as he leaned against the stool. “I mean, not literally. Please do not actually shit while inside the attraction. A lot of these props and costumes are rented.”

The audience laughed. Eddie bit his lip, pissed off at himself for finding such a gross and lame joke funny. He was determined not to laugh, since Mr. Hawaiian...sorry, RICHIE...seemed to be making a lot of eye contact with him specifically, and Eddie felt it was important that he know that his jokes were stupid. 

“So, like I was saying, this ain’t your mama’s haunted house,” Richie continued, playfully tossing his mic from one hand to the other. “Or maybe it is, I wouldn’t know, cause your mama never called me the next day.” His eyes locked on Eddie’s again as amused giggles rang out from the audience, and if Eddie didn’t know better, he could have sworn that the guy actually winked at him. It was probably a trick of the light reflecting off of his glasses, but even so. He couldn’t believe he still thought this guy was cute now that he’d actually opened his mouth. 

“So anyway, guys, I’m not gonna keep you here, I’m just here to debrief. We just have a few basic ground rules,” said Richie, getting down to business at last. “First, make sure to always follow the lighted paths from one show building to the next, cause nobody has time to go looking for your lost ass. Secondly, no flash photography. We’re all broke college students and we can’t afford a trip to the ER if you blind us and we trip and break a leg. And third, for the same reasons, PLEASE don’t touch us. I know you’ll be terrified ‘cause not every actor here is gonna be as handsome as I am.” He made eye contact with Eddie again as he spoke, and Eddie felt his stomach betray him with an excited flip. Why the fuck did he find this guy so damn intriguing? 

“Some of them will be the scariest shit you’ve ever seen,” Richie continued. “But, keep your paws to yourself and we’ll all have a good time. Are we ready?” 

“YEESSS,” the audience roared out, and the tent opened back up as everyone started to pour out. Eddie cast one last glance back at Richie, who was retreating out the other side. Specifically, he focused on what Richie’s ass looked like in his jeans. You know, just in case he needed to reference it for later. 

“Come on, Ed!” he heard Bill shout. Eddie shook himself and hurried to stick close to Bill and Stan, who were leading the way, hand in hand, down the path toward the first attraction. They all piled into one of the temporary buildings, which was decorated on the inside to look like a dark bedroom, the only source of light coming from several blue-bulbed lamps. A girl in a nightgown lay on the bed with a grotesquely made up face, disregarding everyone in the room except for the guy in a priest costume standing beside her. 

“What an excellent day for an exorcism,” the girl said in a creepy voice that set Eddie’s teeth on edge despite the fact that he was well aware it was just a student in a costume. 

The next building they visited was similarly creepy. This one featured a sad looking ghost boy on a tire swing, slowly swinging back and forth with a forlorn “Won’t you play with me?” Eddie mentally gave it an A for effort. 

The rest of the attractions played out in much the same manner, and it wasn’t until Eddie reached the fifth or sixth unvarying show building that he realized that he’d somehow managed to lose track of Stan and Bill in the crowd of people moving from one section to the next. “Great,” he muttered. “Stan! Bill?” Where the fuck were they? He sighed heavily and curiously peeked inside of the building he was currently in front of. It was full of clowns. 

“Nope,” he murmured to himself, quickly backing out and heading back down the lighted pathway. Creepy clowns were where he drew the line. He looked around for his friends, but couldn’t see any sign of them. Unfortunately, he also couldn’t stand around in everybody’s way, so he had no choice but to keep moving. 

He ran ahead a bit onto a quieter part of the path, toward the maze, where the crowd had yet to reach and started looking around dully, his eyes falling onto a building that was slightly bigger than the others. He walked up to it, trying to peek inside, but he couldn’t see much. He debated with himself briefly over whether to just go inside by himself, finally deciding that whatever was inside couldn’t possibly be that scary. Besides, it would serve his friends right if they couldn’t find him for a little bit. 

He steeled himself and entered the building, which turned out to be empty of patrons and separated into several different rooms. The first room featured more clowns, which sent a shiver down Eddie’s spine even though they were clearly just mannequins in masks. He supposed that the drama department had run out of students willing to give up a third weekend standing around in gross makeup. A room off to the side was dark and empty except for a fog machine and a sound effects tape playing lowly over some hidden speakers. 

“Wow, fake fog, how utterly terrifying,” he mumbled sarcastically. He veered off into the third room, the biggest in the building. This one featured what Eddie assumed to be more mannequins dressed to look, loosely, like classic horror movie monsters. He walked around slowly, taking in the details of Dracula, Frankenstein’s monster, and the Wolf Man, all decorated as accurately as possible, but decidedly not even remotely scary. 

“Lame,” he said to himself with a snort, turning around to check out the Mummy figure on the other side of the room. He was absentmindedly running a finger over the white crepe paper of the figure’s costume when he suddenly heard a loud roar behind him. His stomach dropped to his knees and his heart leaped into his throat as he turned around to see that the Wolf Man, most definitely NOT a mannequin, had moved from his spot and was charging toward him with outstretched arms. 

“AAAAAH!” Eddie let out a blood curdling scream and tripped slightly over his own feet in sheer panic. He felt his hand ball into a fist without him even thinking about it, and before he could stop himself he had used it to deliver a swift punch directly to the Wolf Man’s face, hard enough to hurt his hand and knock the other person backwards onto the ground. 

“Jesus fuck,” the Wolf Man whined as they brought one hand up to their face, the voice muffled by the mask. Eddie just stood there in shock, trying to get his breathing and his heartbeat to return to normal as he absorbed what he’d just done. He fumbled into the fanny pack around the waist of his jeans for his inhaler and took a puff, his eyes keenly focused on the poor, writhing werewolf he’d just sucker-punched into the floor. 

“You got a license for that fuckin right hook?” asked the werewolf, the voice sounding slightly familiar to Eddie. It was hard to place it though, since it was so muted by the rubber of the mask. 

“Oh my fuck...fuck, I’m sorry, I’m so sorry, I didn’t….are you ok???” Eddie put his inhaler away and ran over to the person, who was desperately trying to remove the mask. He knelt down to their level and reached his hands out. “Here, let me help.”

“It’s fine, I got it,” they replied, their fingers finally managing to slip beneath the rim of the mask and pull it off. And if Eddie had been wound up and embarrassed before, that was absolutely fucking nothing compared to how he felt when he realized that it was Richie underneath it. 

“Fuck,” he muttered, his face burning hot and his stomach doing somersaults for an entirely new set of reasons. “Fuck fuck fuck, God, I am SO sorry, man, I...Jesus, I really fucked you up, I’m sorry!” He reached again for his inhaler and took another long puff as he looked over the sight of the rapidly spreading bruise on Richie’s right eye.

“It’s fine, I never really liked seeing out of both eyes anyway,” Richie quipped, wincing as his fingers brushed over his injury. “At least I wasn’t wearing my glasses. Besides,” he added, glancing at the inhaler still in Eddie’s hand, “You’re the one who looks like they’re about to die.” 

“I thought you were a mannequin,” Eddie offered as a weak excuse, flinching as he watched the other boy reach into a nearby wooden box by Dracula’s feet and retrieve his glasses, which he delicately placed on his face. Even as careful as he was, his expression contorted in pain. 

“Yeah, that would be the entire fuckin point,” Richie said. “What did we JUST say back there about touching the actors? I know you heard me.”

“It was a reflex, dude, I’m sorry,” Eddie apologized. “In my defense, you almost gave me a fucking heart attack. I didn’t know you were going to charge at me like that,” he added defensively as he tried to resist the urge to throw himself out a window at the thought that he had literally just punched the same guy he’d been eye-fucking half an hour ago. 

“It’s not like I was gonna touch you,” said Richie. He looked Eddie over with his good eye and grinned cheekily. “Not that I wouldn’t want to, though.”

Eddie’s cheeks flushed again, his heart skipping several beats as his eyes locked with Richie’s dark ones. Had he really just heard… ok, no, quit being dumb, Eddie, he didn’t mean it THAT way. 

“That looks really bad,” he said, casually ignoring the other boy’s words and changing the subject as he gingerly reached his hand up to examine the injury. “Fuck, there’s actual blood. Is there a first aid kit anywhere around here? I could help you fix that up.”

“Yeah, there’s one in the dressing room, I think,” replied Richie, getting up off the floor and unsteadily standing on his feet. “Well, the camper we’re using as a dressing room. It’s just...ow...it’s just out here a little ways. Follow me.” 

Eddie complied, his mortifying embarrassment growing stronger with every step as he followed Richie out of the show building and across the grounds to a small RV parked on the edge of the property. Richie led him inside and plopped himself down on the ratty old sofa that stood against one wall, still holding his eye in pain. “The first aid kit is in the bathroom,” he said, pointing toward a small door across the camper. Eddie went in and took the opportunity to wash his hands in the sink before he quickly found the kit and brought it over, setting it down on the couch. He spotted a small refrigerator next to the sofa and opened it up, grabbing the first cold object he saw, a small can of Coke, which he handed to the other boy. 

“Take off your glasses and put this on your eye,” he said as he took a seat beside him and placed the first aid kit in his own lap. “It will help the swelling go down.”

Richie did as instructed, removing his glasses and holding the can dramatically onto his swollen face as he gave Eddie a saucy smile. “Yes, Dr….uh...I don’t think I caught your name, cutie.”

Eddie blushed. “Eddie,” he said, hoping his voice sounded at least somewhat normal, which was more difficult than it should have been when Richie was staring right at him with those fuckin gorgeous chocolate eyes framed by dark lashes. “Eddie Kaspbrak.”

“Ok, whatever you say, Dr. K,” said Richie. 

“Have I mentioned that I’m sorry?” Eddie asked as he opened up the first aid kit and busied himself taking out an alcohol pad, a bandage, and a small tube of antibiotic ointment. 

“Once or twice.”

“If it makes you feel any better, I had no idea I could even do that,” Eddie continued, gesturing for Richie to remove the Coke can so he could gently dab at the small cut near the bridge of the other boy’s nose with the alcohol wipe. 

“Do what, almost kill a man with your bare hand?” Richie quipped, wincing slightly when Eddie applied a small dot of ointment to the wound. 

“I’d hardly say I almost killed you,” Eddie protested.

“Well, you definitely maimed me, anyway,” said Richie. “I’m gonna have to come up with a better story for when people ask how I almost lost an eye. I can’t tell them I got beaten up by a boy with an inhaler, they’ll think I’m fuckin lame.” He smiled and Eddie’s heartbeat increased, his fingertips lingering on the other boy’s skin for slightly longer than was really necessary. 

“I think your dumb jokes would lead them to think that well before any story about your eye,” Eddie replied dryly as he unwrapped the bandage carefully. 

Richie gave an exaggerated gasp. “Jesus fuck, was bodily injury not enough for you? Now you gotta start hurting my emotions and shit? That’s cold, Eds. Do you mind if I call you Eds?”

“Yes,” muttered Eddie, even though he kind of liked the idea of this boy giving him a nickname. “Don’t call me Eds. Now hold still,” he said as he applied the bandage to Richie’s face. 

“Ok, Eds,” said Richie. Eddie rolled his eyes and finished putting the band-aid on him, sitting back to admire his handiwork. 

“You’re all fixed,” he said, handing the soda can back to him. “Put this back on your face.”

“Yes, Dr. K, sir,” said Richie, teasingly saluting him as Eddie cleaned up the supplies and stood up to throw the bandage wrapper in a nearby garbage can. He sat back down, feeling Richie’s eyes on him and wondering what he should say next that wasn’t just another profuse apology. 

“Eddie!!”

The sound of Stan’s voice outside in the distance snapped Eddie out of his thoughts, and he jerked his head in the direction of the RV’s small window. He’d almost completely forgotten about his friends in all the commotion. He got up from the couch and crossed over to the window, glancing outside to see Stan and Bill close by. The two boys were clearly looking around for him as they stood in the middle of a small crowd of people.

“EEEEEDDDD!” called Bill. 

“It would appear that you’re being summoned, good doctor,” said Richie, suddenly appearing right behind him. Eddie flushed as the other boy’s arm brushed against his own. Richie grinned and reached one hand over Eddie’s shoulder to pry the window open. “We’re in here, Billy!” he called out to them with a wave. The boys looked at Eddie and Richie in the window and then looked at each other oddly before they ran across the field to the RV and burst through the door, their faces red from the cold. 

“There you are,” said Stan, sounding relieved when he saw Eddie. “We didn’t know where you’d gone.”

“We thought you were pissed at us and took off,” added Bill. 

Eddie opened his mouth to reply, but Richie had a faster mouth. “Nah, he took his aggression out on my face instead,” the other boy said jokingly. “Which wasn’t exactly how you promised I’d be introduced to him, Billy,” he added pointedly. 

“Wait, what?” Eddie asked at the same time as Bill finally noticed Richie’s busted face and did a faceplant into his own palm. 

“God, Rich, please tell me you didn’t,” he groaned.

“In my defense, I didn’t think he was going to go all Die Hard on me,” said Richie. 

“Will someone please tell me what the fuck is going on?” Eddie demanded, looking from his friends to Richie and back again. Bill cleared his throat, looking uncomfortable. 

“Well, uh….see,” he stammered. 

“Bill wanted you two to meet and hit it off and start dating so we could all hang out sometimes and you wouldn’t feel like such a third wheel,” said Stan calmly as he leaned against the wall of the RV with his arms crossed. “What?” he added when Bill gave him a death glare. “It’s the truth, why waste time beating around the bush?”

Eddie pinched the bridge of his nose in exasperation. “Bill, I swear to fucking god…”

“Ok, so maybe this isn’t exactly how I pictured it would go. I was going to introduce you normally after the whole tour was finished,” Bill protested. 

“Guys, just….please leave.”

“Eddie..”

Eddie rolled his eyes. “Oh my god just go outside, I’ll meet you in a minute, ok?” His friends sheepishly did as they were told, filing out of the camper and leaving Eddie alone with Richie once again. 

“Great friends you got there, Eds,” teased Richie. 

“Don’t worry, I’m going to murder them later,” grumbled Eddie.

“Aw, don’t kill Billy, he just thought we’d go good together,” said Richie seriously. 

Eddie sighed. “Look, I… um...I’m really sorry. Again. About your face. Really.”

Richie shrugged. “It’s no big, really. I wasn’t that attractive to begin with anyway, so really, you probably just improved things.”

Eddie snorted. “I wouldn’t...I wouldn’t say you weren’t..uh...I mean…” He felt his face start to burn for the fortieth time that evening, and he wished for nothing more than to just disappear from the entire situation before he ended up dying of an embarrassment-induced heart arrhythmia. 

Richie’s mouth curled into a cheeky smile. He dug around in the pocket of his pants, pulling out a small black marker, which he kept in one hand as he suddenly grabbed Eddie’s hand with the other. 

“What the fuck are you doing?” Eddie exclaimed as Richie turned his hand over and began writing something on the back of it. 

“Writing my number on your hand,” replied Richie, as though he’d just been asked about the weather. 

“Uh huh. And what the hell am I supposed to do with your number?” asked Eddie, swallowing as his hand tingled at the contact with Richie’s skin. 

“Well, you could play the lottery with it, but mostly I was hoping you’d use it to call me and let me know when you’re free to grab a bite to eat sometime,” said Richie, finishing his work and capping the marker proudly. “You can pay to make up for karate chopping my face.”

Eddie suddenly felt like he was going to die for real, but in a good way, as he looked at the digits and the name ‘Richie Tozier’ emblazoned on his skin like a tattoo. 

“I, uh...I’m...I’m just gonna..” he stammered as he backed away toward the door. Richie just smiled at him as he finally found the handle and let himself out, the other boy cheerfully calling out “Talk to you soon, Eds!” as Eddie scrambled down the stairs of the camper and almost ran right into Stan and Bill, who were trying to pretend they hadn’t been standing with their ears pressed up against the vehicle. 

“Ok,” he said, trying to keep his voice calm as they turned to face him, both of them looking guilty but interested. “I’m not going to kill you….TONIGHT… but in the future I’d like a little advanced warning before you decide to set me up with someone. Got it, BILL?” he said pointedly, glaring daggers at his friend, who blushed remorsefully. 

“Got it,” Bill squeaked. 

“Ok,” said Eddie, holding his head up high. “Then let’s go the fuck home.” The three of them started back across the field and Eddie cast one last glance back, catching a glimpse of Richie watching them leave through the window. The other boy waved, and, in spite of himself, Eddie gave a small wave back before he kept walking. 

He glanced down at his hand and felt himself start to smile, because yeah, he was definitely going to give Richie Tozier a call later.

[inessencedevided]

The Untamed, episode 12 - watching notes

It's 1 o'clock and the clocks are being set forward tonight, so I'll have one less hour of sleep but fork it, sleep is for the weak. let's go!

"I'm not gonna bring trouble to our family this time" let's see how long it lasts.

Wwx is so concerned for lwj

"You do look pretty" yeah, fork you and back off

Random thought that has jughjng directly to do with the episode but came about because we have all these clan members lwj ed up so neatly here: I understand that the different clans have a proclivity for certain colours. But wwx, though he was raised by the Jiang clan, clearly doesn't adhere to theirs. So my question: why does he wear black and ret all the time? I did read up on chinese colour symbolism,but it didn't really tell me anything with regard to his character. (Then again, maybe it's just so him and lwj looknextra awesome together, with their opposing colour schemes)

Wen Qing is such an interesting character! Her conflicting motives make her straight up unpredictable

Wwx just spending 90% of his one brain cell on worrying about lwj :D

Lwj and that jin guy: *rebellion through silent non-compliance*; Wwx: "let me show you amateurs how it's done" 😎

And I feel like he specifically recited the lan principles as a tribute

This is a way funnier punishment than I was expecting

Except for Lan Zhan because HIS FORKING LEG IS STILL BROKEN!!!

The real magic on the show is that they keep those white robes clean btw

Lan Zhan's expression is killing me right now

Also, he hasn't said a single word yet for the whole episode. While he is always silent and uses as few words as possible, I feel like one could roughly estimate his emotional state by how silent he gets. (Naybe aside from important conversations where his input is actually required because he has crucial information)

judging by that, he's devastated right now and whi could blame him :'(

I feel like wwx is severely underestimating the situation

Or he is just that reckless

Or both. Probably both.

Holy shit, even injured, lwj steps in front of a whip to protect wwx

I just ... I get so emotional over lan wanji's silent protectiveness?!? He literally hasn't said a single word yet, but he stands in front of wwx to protect him like as unyieldingly as a mountain

Holy... shit. This is the only time I can remember wwx being honest to God terrified? I think? I can't remember any other time.

Shiiit what's in there? 🥺

He looks so vulnerable 😥

And ... It's ... the worst prop I've ever seen

Sorry, before I get to the character stuff ... WTF??? anything would have been better then that animatronic D-grade horror movie monster. Seriously! Get a really huge dog and give him a scary make over! Try (probably mediocre) CGI! Literally ANYTHING but this thing

Wwx's actor truly does his best, but this thing is just a huge distraction from the seriousness of the scene. ANYWAY, moving on ...

Wwx's reaction is definitely abover what one would expect. Quite frankly, it shocked me. The sight of the halloween decoration dog turned him from the cocky, confident wwx we all know into a frightened child within less than a second 😥

I'm sorry, I said I'd move on but, the second scene with the $1 haunted house attractiondog isn't any better 🤦‍♀️ they didn't even TRY to make it not look like a doll

Wen Ning! 🥺🥺🥺

He's just so genuinely good!

This is both painful and really satisfying to the side of me that adores hurt comfort fics. Can lwj please come and rescue him? :D (probably not gonna happen with everything he's got on his plate)

And wwx is as devastated as I felt that cloud recess was attacked :,(

(The clock just sprang from 1 to 3 am, btw. Ugh, I hate daylight-saving-time)

Wwx just realised the extent of lwj's injuries and suffering and I had completely forgotten that he just didn't know before!!

He is saving the medicin for Lan Zhan 😭

There he is, our old witty wwx :') (though I have a feeling by now that his attitude is as much a coping mechanism as anything else)

The episode is almost over and lan Zhan has still not said a word, he just looks close to tears the entire time :'(

Why do the clans let this happen? What authority does the Wen clan have???

Lan Zhsn refuses to read the Wen principles out loud. Again, not a single word from him. He just stands there, closed scroll in hand. My heart cannot take this 😥😥😥

So now they're off as canonfotter

Kan Zhan is killing me this episode!! He's limping (for the first time!!!) And he's still just stoically moving on. Someone hug him please! 😫 (or not high him. Somehow I feel he wouldn't appreciate it)

Minute 41 of the ep, Lzn Zhan just uttered his first word

"Let me carry you." 🥺🥺🥺

Please let the next episode start with an "alright" from lwj Please let the next episode start with an "alright" from lwj Please let the next episode start with an "alright" from lwj

Who am I kidding. It probably won't

@sweetlittlevampire ​ @fandom-glazed ​ @allhailthedramallama ​ @luckymoony ​ @elenirlachlagos (thank you guys for all the replies!!)

[maximoffvizh]

fic: the sun is too bright for me (but your smile is brighter)

he’s imagined how he’ll tell people this story. ‘i grabbed her scarf when it blew out of her hands in the wind’ said in a dreamy voice. absolutely no mention of the vampire reflexes that allowed him to do that | scarletvision au: vision is a vampire trying very hard to pretend to be human for the sake of his new girlfriend. don’t ask him why he doesn’t want her to know

He tugs anxiously at the tight collar of his turtleneck, wondering whether he should drop down to an even lighter shade of blue. Maybe this rich colour is too much of a contrast to his pallor, maybe it shows that his eyes shine a brighter colour than they should, maybe it means that this magical woman will take one look at him and realise that he wears high necklines to hide the two distinct round scars on his neck.

Vision forces himself to step away from his wardrobe, smoothing his sweater down with anxious fingers. She won’t know. She has no reason to suspect that he’s a vampire, that there are bright white marks on his neck showing where the venom flowed into his blood and changed him that late fateful night. He isn’t like those who lean heavily into this part of their identity, dressed all in black with silk-lined capes around their shoulders, haunting the vampire bars and living in apartments filled with expensive furniture and black marble.

He lives as a normal twenty-seven year old, in a cosy apartment decorated in pops of warm yellow, attending night classes for his third degree and holding down a job as a copy-editor. He speaks French, Italian and Sokovian, he knits and crochets and paints, he plays violin and piano and all of those are accomplishments he’s sure anyone who puts their mind to it would have achieved at twenty-seven. It just happens that he was bitten and made into a vampire in the seventies, and has been aging at a snail’s pace ever since. It allows for plenty of time to master the skills of a child prodigy.

He wishes he could check his reflection as he leaves the apartment, but at least it just so happened that her shift today meant she wouldn’t be free until after dusk. No prickle of sunlight will touch his skin, and he intends to treat her at the wine bar and be able to take a walk with her in the moonlight. They can talk about their lives, and he’ll let her do most of the talking - hearing about her life will be far more interesting than telling the lies of his for the hundredth time.

Wanda is waiting outside the bar for him, and he pauses for a moment to admire her, the dark red dress that hugs her figure and her hair tumbling in gentle waves around her shoulders. A black coat skims around her, and she’s examining her nails as he crosses the street and says a soft, “Hi.”

She starts, almost dropping her purse, then smiles, colour flooding her cheeks. “You scared me!”

“I’m sorry,” he says, immediately horrified. Not even thirty seconds into the first date he’s had in almost fifteen years, and he’s messed it up.

“No, no, it’s okay,” she says, seemingly collecting herself. “It’s impressive, being that silent. How’d you learn that?”

“Master of hide and seek in school,” he lies quickly, and she giggles. It’s better than telling her he’s so silent because he’s a predator and she, with her blushing cheeks and beating heart, is technically prey. ‘I am, biologically speaking, supposed to eat you’ is not a sentence to say on a first date. Or ever.

Luckily, she talks enough for both of them through their date. Telling him about her cat and her friends and her job and her childhood, talking about the country he saw before war devastated it, stood on its hills and watch dawn stripe the sky pale lavender. He’s content to listen, to hear her accent emerge more the longer she talks, to take in all of her. He can see the myriad shades of green in her eyes, the dark spread of her eyelashes, the faint freckles scattered across her nose breaking through the thin layer of make-up. Every twitch of her fingers draws his eyes, and he can smell the musk of her perfume, and beneath that the sweetness of her skin, his eyes tracing over the web of veins crisscrossing her wrist.

He takes a deep breath to clear his head, and instead takes a long sip of wine. Wanda giggles and says, “Slow down, handsome, I don’t think I’m strong enough to carry you home.” She reaches across the table and brushes a stain away from the corner of his mouth, her finger so warm against his skin, and he stares at her for a long moment before he ducks his head.

Their walk through the park takes them to a stream, a picturesque curved bridge, and he grins helplessly when she tangles their gloved hands together, tossing her hair back over one shoulder and smiling at him. She pauses at the arch of the bridge, and he looks down at the colours caught in the water, at the trembling reflection of the moon.

Then her lips are on his, scalding hot, and he leans into this first romantic contact in so long, the first real human contact in years. Her hand touches his cheek and doesn’t jerk back at the cool of his skin, but cradles him closer. His arms wrap around her and he’s sure that he wouldn’t even notice if the bridge collapsed beneath them.

He does, however, notice when it starts to rain. But Wanda just beams at him and pulls her umbrella from her bag, raising it above them and continuing to kiss him. It feels like a scene from one of the movies he loved so much in the eighties, still watches despite Sam insisting that he has to get a more modern taste in his media, and he smiles against her mouth.

Being in a relationship - that’s what this is, a relationship, a beautiful woman who cheerfully and casually calls him her boyfriend and brings him coffee and buys him novelty socks just because - is somewhat difficult when he’s keeping such a huge secret from her. But he can’t bring himself to tell her. She thinks he’s just a normal guy, admires his cosy apartment and beams when he answers her questions in her language, gushes over the painting and scarf he gifts her for her birthday and lingers in his arms even when he makes excuses about poor circulation and not being able to warm her up.

She’s also shrewd, and clever, and it’s difficult to fool her. He can put her off kissing him after she’s eaten Italian by lying that he’s allergic to garlic, but he ruins that by kissing her when she leaves and having to quickly backtrack and claim the allergy isn’t so severe that it will affect him if he doesn’t ingest garlic. She wears a silver necklace one night that makes his nose itch and his eyes water, and the first excuse that comes to mind is that he just got very emotional over the sight of an old man pushing his equally old dog in a red wagon. He tries to put her off taking photos again and again, until she thinks he’s ashamed of her and that turns into a three-day silence before he turns up at her door with an armful of flowers and a mouthful of apologies, and she kisses him and promises she won’t do anything he isn’t ready for.

She falls out his lap, rumpled and panting and wanting, after they’ve been carefully and slowly making out for minutes at a time, her skirt tugged up high on her thighs and her shirt riding up, and he feebly lies that he has a migraine and leaves her apartment. He’s thrumming with desire, shaking with it, and his fangs are dropped and he runs his tongue over their points with a shudder of horrors. If she’d felt them...if they’d gone further...if he’d hurt her...he has to break up with her.

“Or you could just tell her the truth,” Sam says. He’s lounging on his couch, playing MarioKart, and Vision is fretting on the gaudy rug he’s always hated that Sam bought. For someone who was born in the eighties and turned in the early noughties, Sam really has a thing for the garish seventies aesthetic. “Vampires are common knowledge, she’s not gonna run away screaming.”

“You don’t know that,” Vision says, miserably picking at the seal of a blood pouch. He can still see Wanda’s eyes dark with desire, feel the press of her hips into his, and he can imagine how he looks after dinner. Fangs dropped and stained crimson at the tips. She’d be horrified to see him like this. “I really like her, and-”

“And the last time you really liked somebody you ended up hiding from the crazy father that thought you were a demon and tried to shoot you, I know,” Sam says, and Vision shivers at the memory. Virginia’s father screaming about the devil and his monsters, the bullet that passed harmlessly through him, diving into a river and letting the current carry him away, emerging hours later with nothing to show for it but the filth that caked him, the silvery scar in his chest and the knowledge that getting too close to humans is dangerous. “But times have changed, my friend. We’re an acknowledged species. And this girl doesn’t have a father to chase you with a shotgun, anyway.”

Vision throws the blood pouch at his head. Sam catches it, tears the corner off with a quick flick of his head, and drains it without losing first place in his game. And Vision mopes to bed, lying awake as the sun rises.

He doesn’t see Wanda for a week, avoids her calls and answering her texts. He paints sad dark paintings, works harder, and spends his nights reading long rambling stories about love and crying while Sam makes fun of him. He stares down the barrel of eternity and no more time with her, and he pretends that he isn’t upset. Pretends that he knew that an ending was inevitable, because a relationship between a vampire and a human can’t work out.

He pretends that even when Ian proposes to Sam, and he realises that maybe it can.

To: Wanda

Hey. I’m really sorry. Can we talk?

The knock on his door comes three hours after the fateful text, and Wanda is in his apartment. She’s wearing an enormous grey hoodie and leggings, her hair pulled back in a ponytail, and carrying a coffee cup. And she stares at him witheringly, arching an eyebrow, and says, “So you ghosted me for a week, and you wanna talk?”

“I’m so sorry,” he says weakly. “I...I didn’t know what else to do.”

“If you didn’t wanna have sex with me, all you had to do was say so,” she says, and the defiance is fading into hurt, and guilt is pouring hot and gnawing into his chest and he wishes he was human. That he could take her in his arms and show her all the things he wants to do without being paralysingly afraid of hurting her. “If you want to break up-”

“No!” he insists, and she looks up, her eyes narrowed. “No, the last thing I want to do is end this. I...Wanda, you make me feel human-”

“But you are...” She trails off, and her eyes drop to his neck, deliberately bared. “You’re a vampire, aren’t you?”

“I’m so sorry I didn’t tell you.” He slumps back on the couch, and she’s still standing, moving closer. “I...the last relationship I had ended in her father chasing me off the property with a gun, before people really understood vampires, and I couldn’t...I can’t bear to think about losing you because of this.” He pushes a hand through his hair, and says, “But if you want to leave...if this is all too much for you...I won’t begrudge you your decision. It would be for your safety-”

“Vizh.” Her voice is soft, sweet, and she cups his face between her hands before she cradles his head to her stomach, and he closes his eyes and breathes her in. “You make me feel safe. It doesn’t matter to me what you are, you’re clearly in control of yourself. And now it makes sense why we only meet at night, and why you don’t wanna take photos, and why you don’t like when I eat Italian, and why you flinched every time I touched you when I was wearing silver jewellery...” She trails off, and he lifts his head to see her frowning adorably. “But why wouldn’t you have sex with me?”

“Oh...um...” If he could blush, he certainly would with her curious expression and her bright eyes. “See...it’s hard for us...vampires, I mean...to control ourselves with human...lovers. And I’m scared that I...I might get carried away and hurt you. Because I...we’d be so close. I’d hear your heart so loudly, and we’d be...naked. And things. I don’t...I don’t want you to get hurt. Not by me.”

“Oh sweetie.” She lifts his chin and plants a simple, sweet kiss on his lips. “You could never hurt me.” Then she smirks, slides into his lap, and breathes, “And make no mistake - I’ll always be the one in control.”

She kisses him, long and hard and dirty, and his breath rasps into her mouth. Her kisses trace a path from the corner of his mouth to his ear, and she whispers, “By the way, you’re a terrible liar. I’ve known from the start.” A tug of her teeth on his earlobe, and she breathes, “Fucking a vampire is on my bucket list. But only if I top.”

If a dead heart could come pounding back to life, that would be the sentence that does it.

[scurybooween]

Would you answer all the autumn asks?

Going to try to do this...

AUTUMN ASKS

1. Apple pie: what’s cooking? (Or planned to cook?) 

Atm or Halloween??

I did a salad today, was easy and i’m lazy.  For halloween - Halloween cookies and maybe a huge fudge brownie.

2. Chilly air: are you a warm weather or cold weather person?

When i was younger i was cool weather, and since i live in the desert - i’ve become a warm weather person.  I do however adore the coolness of fall - and dream of moments waking up in crisp cool air.

3.Misty mornings: what time do you wake up? What for?

Depends, i dont have a set time.  I wake up super early for errands and cleaning atm.  So sometimes 4 am, sometimes 6 - and when i’m tired it’s like 10 am.

4.Oversized sweaters: what sweater weather outfit are you looking forward to wearing?

Definitely sweater dresses are a favorite item for me, but a fantastic jacket is also up there.

5. Carved pumpkins: what holidays (popular or pagan) are you celebrating this fall?

Halloween, Samhain, Dia De Los Muertos (Mexican Catholic, so it’s a family thing)

6.Ghost stories: what books are you reading?

The Invention of Murder: How the Victorians Revelled in Death and Detection and Created Modern Crime

7. Hot coffee: what’s your drink this fall?

I switch between my cafe latte, lemon grass tea, and hot chocolate

8. Cold hands: anyone to hold them?

Atm single and enjoying the freedom

9.Spooky shadows: any increased spiritual activity?

Nightmares or deja vu type dreams come to mind.

10. Crunchy leaves: what’s your favorite noise/sound to hear? 

Guess a tinkling of the piano, or some soft violin melodies

11.Scented candles: 5 favorite smells you love?

Usually any fall or autumn ones that contain apple, cinnamon, vanilla, pumpkin spice but very soft, and rose/flower ones.

12.Hurricanes: what do you do on rainy days?

Debating on when it’s raining or how hard - cause i actually live in fear of Hurricanes or heavy rains. 

When it’s a soft rain - i sometimes open the doors and windows to let the heat steamed water smell enter the house.

13.Cinnamon: what are your favorite spices?

Black pepper, nutmeg, cilantro, chipotle - too many

14.Boots: Favorite pair of shoes/boots you own?

15. Monster masks: what’s your makeup/morning routine?

I used to do a full face up of stuff when i was in high school and college - but now i keep it pretty simple.  Wash lightly with shea moisture bar, moisturize, simple products like lip balm or a fancy lip stick - vitamin e once in a while.

Then i get up and have water - which is my constant first drink.  Might make something to eat, which changes daily.

16 Black cat: what pets do you have/want?

Dont have any pets atm, though i had them for a lot of my life.  After my last cat disappeared i didnt want to own another pet cause it was hard to have a good enough space to keep them.

I want any animal, i would have a few different pets if i had enough room and a good financial situation.

17.September: What’s your favorite kind of weather?

A windy overcast day - like those that are cool enough to wear a jacket with - but not freezing.

18.October: Did you go trick-or-treating on Halloween when you were younger?

I went trick or treating for most of my teens - at first for myself only - then we took younger family members out during their time. 

19.Pumpkins: Have you ever carved a jack-o-lantern?

Yea - a few times.  I get that sorta hankering feeling that i want to both eat and cut one up.  We usually try to keep and use all the goods cut out - so we have to get things ready to make stuff with the seeds and the left over pieces.

20.Leaves: When the leaves change, what color looks the prettiest?

I never got to collect leaves - but when i was around Sycamore trees i wanted to.  I preferred a yellow green piece and also a pure orange one.

21.Rain: Do you wear a Raincoat or carry an Umbrella?

I dont have a raincoat or an umbrella.  I dont enjoy using Umbrellas - mostly cause i’m the fool that has one flip out when i’m walking around.  My state can have some really insane winds.

22.Caramel Apples: Favorite Halloween candy?

Can anyone only have one favorite Halloween Candy???  I guess a fight out between dark chocolate kit kat, twix, and taffy.

23.Candles: What’s your favorite way to cozy up on a rainy autumn day?

My favorite thing to do is curl up with a book by Barbara Michaels - she did sorta romantic crime solving stuff.

24.Pumpkin Pie: Share your favorite autumn recipe.

Cream Cheese Pumpkin Pie

25.Apple Cider: Do you drink your apple cider hot or cold?

Never had apple cider - cold or hot.  Been wondering if i should make my own this year.

26.Wind: Have you ever been outside your own country during Autumn? Tell us about your experience.

Only been to Mexico - but it isnt too far or different from my own Autumn.

It does get cool, but of course it’s usually hovering around 60.  There’s also rain on and off, it was much wetter in the 80s and 90s - but has become a lot more warm since then.

27.Books: What was the last book you read?

Ghost Children

I picked this up cause this was one of my childhood favorite books - i would check this out constantly and keep it for as long as i could.  Sadly the book i got didnt have the creepier tomb cover with the depressed child ghost on the cover.

28.Socks: What kind of socks do you like? Do you wear matching socks, fuzzy socks, tall socks, or no socks?

It seems like almost EVERYONE who adores Halloween has a million types of socks, from the witch black and purple ones, to the horror blood themed ones, or the bats and pumpkin covered ones.  I have any number which i sometimes mix and match when i’m in a hurry.  I dont wear socks when i wear shorts or dresses - so unless i flash my ankle at you - you wont see the silliness.

29.Coat: Is Autumn your favorite season?

Yes - followed by spring - as it is a nice cool time.

30.Jacket: how do you feel about pumpkin flavoured things in general?

Love so many of them.  Atm sad that Noosa isnt in my area anymore - as that was my favorite yogurt and they had an amazing pumpkin version.  I’m not a fan of all the pumpkin stuff - but there’s enough to cover everyone’s taste buds.

31.Gloves: Is the weather finally feeling more like autumn where you are now?

In the mornings i feel it - cause it’s usually around 60 or so.  During the day - NAH.  It’s from 50 to 90 every day, which is what happens in the desert.

32.Campfire: Do you like going outdoors for activities like camping, hiking, or mountain biking?

I want to like all of that stuff, as i used to love being in the woods.  Thing is - it depends on where you are going, what you have - and how close to people you are.  I dont feel i could be lumber-jacking it anywhere - but for a nice day thing i would be down.

33.Mini pumpkins:Best pumpkin design I’ve ever carved/plan on carving

Mine are simple cause i am sorta scared of knives - cant do a lot when i keep worrying about if i will cut too much or too fast.  I am not scared of people with knives - i’m scared of me using knives and cutting myself.  I did it fairly bad one time - and i get nervous about it.

34.Forest: What are five of your favorite things about autumn?

The smell in the air, the change of time and day length, how the plants will not burn as much under the sun, seasonal food, cooler days

35.hoodie: how different was your life five years ago?

Had a bit more money, was working out a lot more, had a few friends i was arguing with a lot, a certain orange wasnt destroying the world, was getting ready for Halloween festivities.

36. Tea: Favorite scary story or legend

There’s a few - La LLarona, Headless Horseman, Carved Mouth woman

37.Spices: Favorite character from a Halloween movie

Sam from Trick r Treat or Sadako from Ringu

38.Maze: Have you ever gone to a corn maze?

Have been meaning to go to one near me - though i went on a hay ride/corn maze ride as a kid.

39.Haunted hayrides: Tell a spooky campfire story (if you have one)

Had to look up what a campfire story would be or contain - and someone said the story of Bloody Mary.  I wonder if Elizabeth Bathory would work as one.  I’m the lame history loving person - so i might add in a ton of history tidbits to give more of a gore styled retelling.

40. Boo: Do you believe in ghosts? If so, have you ever had an experience?

I’m a spiritual person, so i cant rule ghosts out totally.  I have had an experience with something i thought might have been ghost like - it is hard to describe to anyone who didnt have it.  I also am not trying to convince anyone of it.

41.color: If you live in a climate where the trees change colors, do you like walking/driving around and looking at them?

Sadly none of my trees change - unless you go to a specific park where they planted these poor trees that shouldnt be here cause of our weather.  I dont see cactus and mesquite change - but they are nice plants.

42.Lights: Do you decorate your home for Halloween?

I do - i try to do it to the point where at least 70 percent of my house front is covered.  This year, i am not going to decorate as i dont want kids to trick or treat - i want people to be safe.  Atm though - i put up a wreath on my door with a spider and some bats.

43. Party: Do you hand out candy on Halloween, have/attend parties, or do something else?

My general Halloween day starts with me having family and friends come over, then handing out candy to kids, and at night going out to any clubs.  At 3 or 4 am i come back and spend time watching horror movies until we pass out from things.

Had been trying to change plans for 2020, i wanted to go to New Orleans - but that plan was scratched.

44. Movies: Favorite scary movie

Just like with music - my stuff changes every 5 years.  I would say atm i am in a toss up between the VVitch and Midsommar.  Before that was Let the Right one in.  Those are my favorite horror films, but my fav Halloween film atm is Paranorman.

45.Novel:Favorite spooky novel

I already know i need to read more, i dont know if i have read a scary enough novel that i have a favorite one.  I really need to get past my true crime and history stuff, cause those are scary to me.

[elviefm]

is that [JOE KEERY]? no, that’s just [ELVIE CROFT]. [HE/HIM] is [TWENTY-FIVE] years old and is a [NIGHT JANITOR AT CURTAIN CALL]. rumor has it they’ve been in town for [ONE MONTH]. on a good day, they’re [JOCUND & PERSPICACIOUS]. but watch out! they can also be [SCATTERBRAINED & OBSTREPEROUS]. [SCRAWNY BY WALLOWS] plays in my head whenever i think of them. can’t wait to see them around Springhill! [sam, 23, est, she/her]

hey there demons! *ba dum tss* i’m sam and this is one of my favorite muses ever so without further ado, character info is under the cut and please message me if you would like to plot!

i. stats

ｆｕｌｌ ｎａｍｅ：elvin tupelo croft

ｐｒｅｆｅｒｒｅｄ ｎａｍｅｓ：el, elvie, spooky guy

ｈｏｍｅｔｏｗｎ：salem, massachusetts

ｄａｔｅ ｏｆ ｂｉｒｔｈ：october 31st, 1994

ａｇｅ： twenty - five

ｚｏｄｉａｃ：scorpio

ｏｒｉｅｎｔａｔｉｏｎ：demisexual

ｏｃｃｕｐａｔｉｏｎ：night janitor at curtain call movie theater

ｐｏｓ． ｔｒａｉｔｓ：jocund, perspicacious, loyal, open - minded.

ｎｅｇ． ｔｒａｉｔｓ：scatterbrained, obstreperous, flippant

ii. history

elvin tupelo “elvie” croft was born in salem, massachusetts ( yes, really ) on halloween day ( yes, really ). he's an only child and his father is the district attorney for essex county, massachusetts while his mother owns a small local business that sells witchcraft supplies such as crystals, herbs, grimoires, and more. interesting fact: she’s the descendant of an accused witch, meaning that elvie is as well.

as it turns out, beneath of the surface of the few tourist attractions that it has to offer, salem has a small town, stuck in the past vibe. it’s the sort of place where everyone knows everyone all their lives because no one ever leaves and no one ever moves in. he grew up in this…eccentric…environment, living in the same house all his life and only ever leaving to visit his grandparents in boston.

he was five years old when he saw his first horror movie ( an apathetic teenage babysitter let him stay up long past his bedtime to watch nightmare on elm street ) and from that moment on he was HOOKED.

when he started school, two things about him became apparent: 1) he was highly intelligent and 2) he struggled greatly with tasks such as sitting still and staying focused. he was tested ( a few times, much to his irritation ) and it turns out that he has a genius level iq and adhd.

he could have been one of those child prodigies who finished high school at the age of ten and then college at the age of fourteen, BUT his parents decided that they didn’t want him to miss out on the experience of going through school with peers his own age.

HOWEVER, as the smartest kid in class with glasses and braces and an insatiable obsession with all things horror and halloween, he…was picked on. mercilessly. he never had many friends, but he was content to go right home after school and spend the rest of the day reading comic books or watching horror movies or researching local urban legends and paranormal stories.

so, when he got to his senior year of high school, he was a shoe - in to be named class valedictorian ( he was ) and he was even getting ivy league offers. of course, his parents mainly his father were really pushing him to attend college and elvie, genius level iq and all…didn’t want to go. he had a van ( a turquoise monstrosity painted to look like the mystery machine ) and he just wanted to drive. alas, his dad was absolutely NOT having it.

he attended harvard for both his pre law and law school studies, breezed through classes, graduated with honors at the top of his class and once he passed the bar exam there were countless job offers waiting for him. elvie ignored them all and finally embarked on that road trip he had been meaning to take.

he’s been on the road for about a year now and he’s traveled all over the country. he often breezes into a town or a city, lives in his van, and takes up some odd jobs to squeeze a few dollars out of before he inevitably gets fired for messing up or not taking the work seriously or getting high on the job. he arrived in springfield a month ago, continuing his pattern or having fun and exploring somewhere he’s never been before.

iii. extras

his name is elvin but basically no one ever calls him that. his own parents don’t even particularly like the name. long story. most people call him elvie and some who are super close to him just call him el.

BIG RYAN BERGARA ENERGY. a huge believer in the paranormal and urban legends, and one of his favorite things to do when he goes somewhere new is check out the local cemeteries and haunted locales. unlike ryan, the poor guy he’s definitely NOT a scaredy cat in fact, all his life there’s been this running joke that he doesn’t seem to be scared of anything, and who knows? maybe he isn’t.

has the most cartoonishly exaggerated boston accent that one could ever hope to hear, except he doesn’t seem to realize it at all.

10/31 blaze it he’s a HUGE stoner.

he’s got jokes. stay vigilant.

he’s OBSESSED with all things horror, halloween, and 80s. he makes a lot of film references that are often so obscure that most people don’t even catch them.

he’s a lawyer! at least in the state of massachusetts. however, this is not at all common knowledge because…

most people don’t know how smart he actually is as he intentionally plays dumb and he’s really good at it. being high all the time and his natural chaotic energy is quite helpful in hiding his intelligence. he just doesn’t like to be seen as smart, so the whole once - brilliant law student thing? not common knowledge whatsoever. he tries not to mention the college he attended by name at all, but if he has to then he lies and says that he went to salem state.

and yes, he has SO MUCH chaotic energy. he’s the kind of person who will stick a fork in his microwave just to see what would happen out of sheer boredom. he has two pet mexican redknee tarantulas named freddy and jason who he just…fucking loses track of every other day. his favorite drink is literally black coffee mixed together with a can of monster energy and 5 ( f i v e ) teaspoons of sugar. he is c h a o s. he has absolutely NO IMPULSE CONTROL whatsoever.

he has slight Daddy Issues™. slight. when he was born, his dad was hoping that he would get a star athlete kid who would go on to follow in his footsteps and one day become a successful, respectable lawyer but instead he got…elvie. he’s never outright said that he’s disappointed but he didn’t need to. elvie’s a really difficult person to rattle but every time, without fail, he ends a phone call with his dad and he’s in a bad mood for the rest of the day.

his car is this PIECE OF JUNK giant turquoise van that he painted to look like the mystery machine. her name is laurie strode.

even though he makes constant pop culture references about horror movies and the 80s, but outside of those areas he’s completely clueless about pop culture. like, he can recite the entire scripts of the shining and empire strikes back and ferris bueller’s day off word for word, but if someone tried to talk to him about the new beyonce song or the latest marvel movie he would just stare blankly.

he has a HUGE sweet tooth. his favorite food is halloween candy and his favorite candy is black licorice disgusting i know.

he takes adderall for his adhd and he’s usually good about keeping up with it. started keeping them on his person in college because he realized that his meds were getting stolen and it’s a habit he’s held onto that doesn’t really keep his shit from getting stolen.

he’s good at…A LOT of things because he’s a really fast learner. he can play the guitar, he can draw, he did drama in high school. he just has to watch someone do something once and then he can usually immediately do it himself. this skill doesn’t extend to physical activities such as sports, however. he’s terrible at those.

he’s basically a cartoon character

iv. wanted connections

best friend from salem who travels with him *will probably submit as a wc

friends

cousin ( their grandparents would probably be from boston but otherwise anything really goes for this )

his weed dealer

smoking buddies

people who don’t like him / find him annoying

i know there are a lot of business owners so : people he worked for who have since fired him for being an all around awful employee.

has stolen his adderall

maybe someone who knows how smart he really is

romantic connections!

( these are just ideas and i’m trash at coming up with these, so please don’t feel limited by what’s listed here. )

[ofcrofts]

『JOE KEERY ❙ CIS MALE』 ⟿ looks like ELVIE CROFT is here for HIS FIRST GRAD year as a LAW student. HE is 23 years old & known to be LOYAL, OPEN-MINDED, SCATTERBRAINED & OBSTREPEROUS. they’re living in NOLAND, so if you’re there, watch out for them. ⬳ SAM. 23. EST. SHE/HER.

hey there demons! *ba dum tss* i’m sam and elvie is one of my favorite muses, so i hope you like him too and please feel free to message me if you would like to plot!

i. stats   

𝖋𝖚𝖑𝖑 𝖓𝖆𝖒𝖊: elvin tupelo croft

𝖕𝖗𝖊𝖋𝖊𝖗𝖗𝖊𝖉 𝖓𝖆𝖒𝖊𝖘: el, elvie, the ghost guy

𝖍𝖔𝖒𝖊𝖙𝖔𝖜𝖓: salem, massachusetts yes, really

𝖉𝖆𝖙𝖊 𝖔𝖋 𝖇𝖎𝖗𝖙𝖍: october 31, 1996 yes, really

𝖟𝖔𝖉𝖎𝖆𝖈: scorpio

𝖔𝖗𝖎𝖊𝖓𝖙𝖆𝖙𝖎𝖔𝖓: demisexual

𝖋𝖎𝖊𝖑𝖉 𝖔𝖋 𝖘𝖙𝖚𝖉𝖞: law

𝖕𝖔𝖘. 𝖙𝖗𝖆𝖎𝖙𝖘: loyal, open - minded, exuberant.

𝖓𝖊𝖌. 𝖙𝖗𝖆𝖎𝖙𝖘: scatterbrained, obstreperous, impulsive.

ii. history

elvin tupelo “elvie” croft was born in salem massachusetts ( yes, really ) on halloween day ( yes, really ). he’s an only child and his dad is the county district attorney while his mom owns a small local business that sells witchcraft supplies such as crystals, herbs, grimiores, etc. fun fact: she’s the descendant of an accused witch, meaning that elvie is as well.

he was five years old when he saw his first horror movie ( an apathetic teenage babysitter let him stay up long past his bedtime to watch nightmare on elm street ) and from that moment on he was hooked.

when he started school, two things about him became apparent: 1) he was highly intelligent and 2) he struggled greatly with tasks such as sitting still and staying focused. he was tested, and it turns out that he has a through the roof genius level iq and he also has adhd, which he was put on a few different medications for until something finally seemed to work for him.

he could have been one of those child prodigies who finished high school at the age of ten and then college at the age of fourteen, but his parents decided that they didn’t want him to miss out on the experience of going through school with people his own age.

as the smartest kid in class with glasses and braces and a strong obsession with all things horror and halloween, he…was picked on. mercilessly.

he didn’t really have friends, but he also didn’t mind. he was perfectly content to go right home after school and spend the rest of the day reading comic books or watching horror movies or researching local urban legends and paranormal stories.

he started his youtube channel when he was a teenager and it was…trash honestly. it was basically buzzfeed unsolved if buzzfeed unsolved consisted of one ( 1 ) dorky teenager yelling at the air in the middle of abandoned house at 3am could be two if his wc gets picked up wink wink, but it turned out that people found it entertaining. his first few videos were flops, but he would soon start amassing subscribers in the hundreds, then thousands, then hundreds of thousands.

so, when he got to his senior year of high school, he was a shoe - in to become the class valedictorian and he was even getting ivy league offers. at the same time, his youtube channel was starting to gain momentum. his parents mainly his father were really pushing him to attend college and elvie, genius level iq and all…didn’t want to go at all. he wanted to focus on his youtube channel, but his dad was absolutely not having it.

he was pre law at harvard while he was an undergrad but when it came time to start law school, he’d had enough of simply doing what his dad wanted and decided to go to radcliffe and he chose to do so solely because he heard it was haunted. he’s even living in noland because he figures that the oldest building = highest likelihood of ghosts.

this is his first year and second semester at radcliffe. he can usually be found not studying, smoking weed, and probably trying to get the campus witch to go out with him.

iii. extras

his name is elvin but basically no one ever calls him that. his own parents don’t even particularly like the name. long story. most people call him elvie and some who are super close to him just call him el.

while he is the “ryan” aka the believer of his youtube series, he’s definitely NOT a scaredy cat like ryan the poor guy. in fact, all his life there’s been this running joke that he doesn’t seem to be afraid of anything, and who knows? maybe he isn’t.

he’s kinda...acing all of his classes without even trying because he’s honestly just that smart but i cannot stress enough that he absolutely does not give a fuck about his classes. he HATES law school. he probably ditches as often as he can, but he doesn’t really push it because y’know attendance points.

he’s literally embarrassed of the fact that he went to harvard so he straight up lies and says that he went to salem state

he has slight Daddy Issues™. slight. when he was born, his dad was hoping that he would get a star athlete kid who would go on to follow in his footsteps and one day become a successful, respectable lawyer but instead he got…elvie. he’s never outright said that he’s disappointed but he didn’t need to. elvie’s a really difficult person to rattle but every time, without fail, he ends a phone call with his dad and he’s in a bad mood for the rest of the day.

he smokes A LOT of weed. like, A LOT OF WEED. like…A LOT of weed. he started off doing it every once in a while as a teenager, and now he’s always high. 99% of people he knows have most likely never seen or interacted with him when he wasn’t high.

he’s obsessed with all things horror, halloween, and 80s. he makes a lot of film references that are often so obscure that most people don’t even catch them.

he’s got jokes. lots of jokes. lots of self - deprecating jokes.

has a really thick boston accent that he doesn’t seem to realize he has.

most people don’t know how smart he really is because he intentionally plays dumb and he’s really good at it. being high all the time and his natural chaotic energy is quite helpful in hiding his intelligence. he just doesn’t like to be seen as smart, so the whole brilliant law student thing? not common knowledge whatsoever.

and yes, he has SO MUCH chaotic energy. he’s the kind of person who will stick a fork in his microwave just to see what would happen out of sheer boredom. he has two pet mexican redknee tarantulas that probably aren’t even allowed on campus named freddy and jason who he just…fucking loses track of every other day. his favorite drink is literally black coffee mixed together with a can of monster energy and 5 ( f i v e ) teaspoons of sugar. he is c h a o s. he has absolutely no impulse control whatsoever.

his car is this PIECE OF JUNK giant turquoise van that he painted to look like the mystery machine

he suffers from chronic nosebleeds that are usually triggered by stress, but he doesn’t get them that often.

he has a HUGE sweet tooth. his favorite food is halloween candy and his favorite candy is black licorice disgusting i know

he takes adderall for his adhd and it’s basically the only thing he’s really consistent and responsible about.

he’s good at…a lot of things because he’s a really fast learner. he can play the guitar, he can draw, he did drama in high school. he just has to watch someone do something once and then he can usually immediately do it himself. this skill doesn’t extend to physical activities such as sports, however. he’s terrible at those.

iv. wanted connections

best friend

friends

cousin ( their grandparents would probably be from boston but otherwise anything really goes for this )

smoking buddies lmao

people who don’t like him / find him annoying

peers he tutors for some extra money

maybe someone who knows how smart he really is

exes, etc.

( these are just ideas and i’m trash at coming up with these, so please don’t feel limited by what’s listed here. )

[eliscroft]

[ joe keery, cis male, he/him ] have you seen ( ELI CROFT ) hanging around? the ( TWENTY-FIVE ) year old often hangs around ( THE WITCH'S HOUSE ) when they’re not being a ( LATE NIGHT RADIO SHOW HOST ). i’ve been told they’re ( LOYAL ) but ( SCATTERBRAINED ) and when i look at them, i see ( 80S HORROR, BUCKETS OF HALLOWEEN CANDY, BLURRY PHOTOGRAPHS OF MYSTERIOUS FIGURES IN THE WOODS ). wellcliff wouldn’t be the same without ‘em! [ sam, 23, she/her, est ]

hey there demons! *ba dum tss* i’m sam and i also write cal ( @calsmorgan​​ ). much like my sweetheart jock, this spooky nerd is one of my favorite muses ever, and i hope you love him as much as i do! please feel free to message me if you would like to plot!

TWS: medication, bullying, drug mention

STATS

FULL NAME: elvin tupelo croft

NICKNAMES: el, eli, et, spooky guy

GENDER + PRONOUNS: cis male + he / him

DOB + AGE: october 31st, 1994 + twenty - five

ZODIAC: scorpio

HOMETOWN: salem, massachusetts

OCCUPATION: host of the graveyard shift, a radio program airing every weeknight in wellcliff from 12am to 5am.

FUN FACTS: fluent in icelandic, has two mexican redknee tarantulas named freddy and jason, and has a HUGE sweet tooth.

 HISTORY

elvin tupelo “eli” croft was born in salem, massachusetts ( yes, really ) on halloween day ( yes, really ). he's an only child and his father is the district attorney for essex county, massachusetts while his mother owns a small local business that sells witchcraft supplies such as crystals, herbs, grimoires, and more. interesting fact: she’s the descendant of an accused witch, meaning that eli is as well.

as it turns out, beneath the surface of the few tourist attractions that it has to offer, salem has a small town, stuck in the past vibe. it’s the sort of place where everyone knows everyone all their lives because no one ever leaves and no one ever moves in. he grew up in this atypical environment, living in the same house all his life and only ever leaving to visit his grandparents in boston.

he was five years old when he saw his first horror movie ( an apathetic teenage babysitter let him stay up long past his bedtime to watch nightmare on elm street ) and from that moment on he was HOOKED.

when he started school, two things about him became apparent : 1) he was highly intelligent and 2) he struggled greatly with tasks such as sitting still and staying focused. he was tested ( a few times, much to his irritation ) and it was discovered that he has a genius level iq and adhd.

he could have been one of those child prodigies who finished high school and college by the age of sixteen, BUT his parents decided that they didn’t want him to miss out on the experience of being in school with peers his own age.

HOWEVER, as the smartest kid in class with glasses and braces and an insatiable obsession with all things horror and halloween, he was picked on. mercilessly. he never had many friends, but he was content to go right home after school and spend the rest of the day reading comic books or watching horror movies or researching local urban legends and paranormal stories.

so, when he got to his senior year of high school, he was a shoe - in to be named class valedictorian ( he was ) and he was even getting ivy league offers. of course, his parents mainly his father were really pushing him to attend college and eli, genius level iq and all…didn’t want to go. he had a van ( a turquoise monstrosity painted to look like the mystery machine ) and he just wanted to drive. alas, his dad was absolutely NOT having it.

he attended harvard for both his pre law and law school studies, breezed through classes, graduated with honors at the top of his class and once he passed the bar exam there were countless job offers waiting for him. eli ignored them all and finally embarked on that road trip he had been meaning to take alongside his best friend.

they unexpectedly settled in wellcliff about a year ago after getting their hosting gig at the local radio station. ( basically, they were working as interns for some extra cash and the regular hosts called out of work at the last second, so eli and his best friend were shoved into the booth and told to think fast! ) they were a literal overnight success and so they were offered a regular hosting gig at the station.

the graveyard shift is a radio program that airs every weeknight from 12am - 5am in the wellcliff area and on apps such as iheartradio. eli hosts the show alongside his best friend and they discuss topics such as the paranormal, conspiracy theories, and all things spooky. 

PERSONALITY

a HUGE believer in the paranormal and urban legends, and one of his favorite things to do when he goes somewhere new is check out the local cemeteries and haunted locales. however, unlike his real world counterparts zak bagans and ryan bergara he’s definitely NOT a scaredy cat in fact, all his life there’s been this running joke that HE DOESN’T SEEM TO BE SCARED OF ANYTHING, and who knows? maybe he isn’t.

10/31 blaze it he’s a HUGE stoner.

he’s got jokes. stay vigilant.

he’s OBSESSED with all things horror, halloween, and 80s. he makes a lot of film references that are often so obscure that most people don’t even catch them.

he’s a lawyer! at least in the state of massachusetts. however, this is not at all common knowledge because…

most people don’t know how smart he actually is as he intentionally plays dumb and he’s really good at it. being high all the time and his natural chaotic energy is quite helpful in hiding his intelligence. he just doesn’t like to be seen as smart, so the whole once - brilliant law student thing? not common knowledge whatsoever. he tries not to mention the college he attended by name at all, but if he has to then he lies and says that he went to salem state.

btw yes, he has SO MUCH chaotic energy. he’s the kind of person who will stick a fork in his microwave just to see what would happen out of sheer boredom. he has two pet mexican redknee tarantulas named freddy and jason who he just…fucking loses track of every other day. his favorite drink is literally black coffee mixed together with a can of monster energy and 5 ( f i v e ) teaspoons of sugar. he is c h a o s. he has absolutely NO IMPULSE CONTROL whatsoever. 

even though he makes constant pop culture references about horror movies and the 80s, but outside of those areas he’s completely clueless about pop culture. like, he can recite the entire scripts of the shining and empire strikes back and ferris bueller’s day off word for word, but if someone tried to talk to him about the new post malone song or the latest marvel movie he would just stare blankly.

he has a HUGE sweet tooth. his favorite food is halloween candy and his favorite candy is black licorice disgusting i know.

he takes adderall for his adhd and he’s usually good about keeping up with it. started keeping them on his person in college because he realized that his meds were getting stolen and it’s a habit he’s held onto that doesn’t really keep his shit from getting stolen.

he’s good at…A LOT of things because he’s a really fast learner. he can play the guitar, he can draw, he did drama in high school. he just has to watch someone do something once and then he can usually immediately do it himself. this skill doesn’t extend to physical activities such as sports, however. he’s terrible at those.

he’s basically a cartoon character

WANTED CONNECTIONS

best friend from salem who travels with him * wc on the main

friends

paternal / maternal cousin ( paternal cousin’s grandparents would probably be from boston + maternal cousins grandparents would probably be from salem )

his weed dealer but they gotta have the really good shit

smoking buddies

people who don’t like him / find him annoying

has stolen his adderall

maybe someone who knows how smart he really is

romantic connections! 

these are just some base ideas and i’m definitely open to brainstorming!

[dat-town]

CODE Z3RO | CODE 07

characters: BTS & Red Velvet genre: thriller, futuristic au warning: nothing really summary: The twelve most ambitious and promising university students are welcomed in Choego, the world’s first entirely artificial intelligence-driven city, to compete for five job contracts that could change their life. But what if something goes wrong? What if they get trapped? What if the city suddenly turns against them? Can they find a way out before the countdown reaches zero? words: 4K tagged: @philosopher-of-fandoms​

➼ Chapter Index

Empathy towards others had been a foreign phenomen to Jeon Jungkook. Caring about others’ loss had never been his forte. He lived as if life was a zero-sum game: what he won was the cost of the other party and what he lost was the reward for someone else. He didn’t believe in win-win situations, he thought of them as sugar coated lies of enthusiastic believers of fairness and ethics. However, life was - just as it had always been - a game of survival, the natural selection of the fittest, whether it be the strongest, the most cunning or the smartest.

It was his ambition that brought him here, that he stamped over those who were worse than him because that was the only way of living he knew. Otherwise he would have been backstabbed, used and left behind. He had no luxury to let himself lose. Apart from his own monster-like ambition he had mouths to feed, younger siblings and his sick mother. However he lacked the usual brotherly instincts as he spent all his time studying and working under the weight of responsibility.

So given he had no previous experience in such field, Jungkook didn't know what to say, let alone do when Yerim's shoulders once again shook from the force of her silent sobs. She tried her best to contain them, the nasty, salty tears but whenever her brother's face appeared in front of her or anybody mentioned anything concerning death, she broke down. Hoseok on the verge of a mental breakdown didn't help her case at all.

Logically speaking Jungkook shouldn't have felt guilt. It hadn't been his job or task to take care of the young girl. She was here after all, she was qualified enough, at least on paper, so basic survival skills shouldn't have meant trouble for her. But apparently there was no academics that could prepare  them for a situation like this, even Seokjin's crisis management education was in vain in the end. It didn't save him when he would have needed it but oh a selfless sacrifice what a noble, stupid thing. He must have loved his sister a lot but now, she had to deal with the grief and handle responsibility he’d had put onto her shoulders by saving her.

Although there was something... maybe about Yerim and her strange fascination with him, or maybe it was rather about what Miss Raina had said about team work but Jungkook stayed by the broken girl's side when Wendy asked him to.

"You take really good pictures," was what he said in the end to break the awkward silence burying them. It was just as bad as silent but at least it dragged the girl out of her dark thoughts and that was also something.

"Thank you," she murmured, head snapped towards him in surprise and she even had enough presence of mind to blush at the compliment. Seeing the pearl-like dried tears on her cheeks, Jungkook decided to keep it up, drag out the conversation even if on any other occasion he wouldn't have cared. But maybe his own troubled heart needed something other than his thoughts too.

"How long have you been taking photos?" He asked even though he didn't even really care about the answer but the glitters in Yerim's eyes that now resembled the starry sky instead of a black hole. Her orbs didn't hold any hatred or blame towards him and somehow it did feel a little bit like salvation, too. Even if he wasn't religious, he didn't want bloody eyes to haunt him in his nightmares. So he listened patiently as the girl went on about the camera being a Christmas gift and that she used to be on the school journal in high school and for a blissful moment it was all normal. But in this simulation of theirs, something like this couldn't last long and it seemed to be the IT guy's responsibility to remind them that they had a task at hands to finish… If they wanted to survive in this deadly city apparently.

“Let's get going, we can't let ourselves rest while we don't know for sure what's going on,” he looked over the rest of them seemingly taken over the leader's position after Kim Seokjin’s tragic end. However, not everybody was overzealous about giving him authority.

“You think we will just follow you wherever? That you can tell us what to do just like this? We saw where his big mouth took the Selfless Brother, so for your own sake it would be better to control your tongue, Mr. I-Hacked-Into-The-System,” the marketing major muttered under his breath black-heartedly as he parted his ways from the psychology major girl. Up until now they have been quite invested in their own conversation away from the others. It was kind of surprising taken that Taehyung didn't seem to get on well with anyone, not even the quiet and cold Joohyun. He probably thought she was weak just because she needed insulin for her diabetes. He most likely didn't look at her as a real rival. So then why did it look like he was seeking for an ally? Or maybe he threatened her based on the terrified look on her face.

Yoongi didn't waste his time nor energy to question it. They had a much more alarming issue on their hands.

"Why, do you have a better idea?" He scoffed and kept the eye contact, tensed sparks flying in the air around them. Seemingly nobody wanted to pick sides in this dispute. There was no use. Splitting into two or more groups seemed useless and more dangerous if what Hoseok claimed about Jimin's death was true. They were better off together than one by one but to keep the unit together they had to have some kind of consent above the will and want to live. That stupid fight for the five contracts didn't help their case either but instead of bringing that up Yoongi tried a different method: if he could make the one with the biggest complaining mouth shut up, he knew the others wouldn't say a word either.

"Let's go," he repeated his notice after Taehyung merely shrugged off his question with a grimace. Of course he had nothing, they were all out of ideas, this one about going to the research centre was just another excuse to not sit still and wait for their doom. Probably a lot of them wanted to leave already, but a part of them still wanted to believe that this whole thing was just a simulation and the rest, the ones who fought for the longest will be awarded dream jobs. Even if logically speaking this situation felt more drastic and serious than what they had signed up for to begin with.

The mass of people moved as one, the weeping Hoseok ending their queue with Wendy keeping a close eye on him. He seemed close to passing out but they couldn't let themselves deal with a dead weight.

They passed by a little park with a lovely fountain out of water and from there they could see the bridges above the river-width canal of sea water. From what he remembered from their walking trip to the dorms, Yoongi knew they had to cross those bridges to get off the island, so it was already a good place to start. But it would have been better if they knew what they were dealing with all these sectors shutting off one by one. They needed to know the order to survive and what everybody was afraid to ask: what happens if even the last sector is done for?

The eeriness of the place in the early morning was even scarier than some props for horror movies’ dark themes. The city that seemed to hold the future, a promise of a better world just yesterday now looked more like a dead town and Yoongi wasn't sure he would ever be able to live here after everything that happened. He probably wasn't the only one thinking that way. One glance at Hoseok's horrified or Yerim's weeping face was enough to conclude it wasn't only him who wanted to leave as soon as possible. If death was the price for those bloody contracts then he didn't want them anymore. He knew he could get a job easily with his diplome, he didn't need this fancy artificial city to make his life more whole. Unlike some others, he wasn't that desperate.

As they were getting closer and closer to the main researcher building, he also realized that this whole situation was like a dangerous Jenga game. With each sector gone, their chances of getting out became slimmer and the carefully built tower got closer to crumble turning into fine dust carried by the wind. Yoongi didn't want to be the one to pull out the piece that held the fragile structure together, so he was careful, watching every step they took as if they were walking on eggshells waiting for one of them to explode like a bomb.

"We're here," the IT guy announced as his steps came to a halt in front of tall building facing the rising Sun. He checked on the photo he took once more but yeah, they must have been at the right place. At the questioning looks he got, he nodded towards a sign ahead.

Of course, Taehyung couldn't leave it without a comment either.

"This is it? A bit too fancy to be the researchers' place, don't you think?" he scoffed when he reached the metal panel claiming they reached their destination, the headquarters of the creators of Choego.

The glass building towering above them looked just as abandoned and empty as any other on the island. If there weren't the huge sign reminding them of the purpose of the place, it wouldn't have been any more special than the others surrounding it.

However, Yoongi deeply hoped that this new visit of theirs wouldn't end up like the one in the hospital. That was shocking enough for a life, even what they found out about Sooyoung. Being here felt less and less like a competitive simulation game and more like a nightmare he wished to wake up from. Unfortunately, smart city or not, it couldn't fulfil his wishes.

"Don't forget that the whole city is built thanks to their efforts, so of course they built something like this for themselves," Namjoon spoke up staring at the huge building that made everyone feel like they were nothing but ants under the feet of gods. Maybe they were. Maybe there was someone watching over them. Someone who treated them as if they were puppets on a string. It was an unnerving thought.

"Pretentious bunch," the purple-haired guy scoffed with an ugly grin in the corner of his mouth. Yoongi rolled his eyes at his childish behaviour as all of them climbed the black marble stairs to the glass door in the front.

It was safe to say that the IT specialist hated his kind: the ones with big mouth without actually doing anything. The only thing he did was stirring up nervousness and despise between supposed-to-be allies. His presence made the group work more hectic and tensed because nobody knew when would the guy or someone else snap at them for making a honest to God mistake.

After the hospital incident everybody was a bit wary as they approached the glass entrance of the building, nobody wanted to be the one to open the gates of Hell, so Yoongi stepped forward and touched his bracelet to the metal panel next to the door.

Not authorized personnel, the machine claimed almost instantly and the guy's arm fell back by his side resignedly.

"Wait, shouldn't we have a researcher's rights? Does this place need something extra?" Joohyun voiced out the confused thoughts that must have crossed everyone's mind. She seemed like the type to remember even the smallest details anyway, especially when it was about rules. Something about it made Taehyung suppress a pleased grin in the back of the group.

"Yeah, Miss Raina told us we have similar rights as the general researchers," Namjoon nodded and with furrowed eyebrows he crouched down to get a better look at the control panel. It looked just like the ones in their dorms and the hospital. There was no sign that they would need something special permissions to enter. "Not letting us in doesn't make any sense."

"Let me try, too. Maybe something's off with your bracelet," Wendy stepped forward but the robotic voice echoed the same as before.

"Why would it have been different? Do you really think you're so special?" Taehyung snorted loudly from the back and if it wasn't for the peacemaker girl putting a soothing hand over her boyfriend, Namjoon would have been at the guy's throat in that minute. The way the corner of his mouth twitched at the ugly remark told it all, but it didn't seem like the marketing major had plans on stopping his triggering behavior anytime soon. He clearly enjoyed dancing on everyone's nerves, especially Namjoon's whose emotions were written all over his face.

"There's no harm done by trying twice," Wendy claimed calmly, not bothered by the words thrown at her like an offence. She had known better than to care about such comments.

"It's weird," Joohyun hummed touching her own bracelet as if it was more of a handcuff than the key to freedom, her dark eyes not once leaving the automatic door with no handle.

"I'm checking our permissions and try to grant the ones needed for this building," Yoongi sighed as he pulled out his notebook from his bag.

Now knowing how he could easily slip through the crack between the watching eyes of the system firewall, he logged into the database in no time, quickly checking whether their IDs had any privilege or limitation they didn't know about. Though, the more they kept going, the more he realized that all they did was walking around in the dark without any guidance. So he wasn't surprised when he saw that their bracelets were stripped off any rights as soon as they identified themselves in the hospital. Maybe that's why the lab's security system also turned on in the basement.

He quickly wrote out a few lines of SQL commands but the big red error message he got made him let out a nasty swear words.

"What?" Namjoon looked at him curiously.

"I have no permission to change the date in the database," he grimaced even though he should have known this.

Of course, it wasn't that easy. It would have been actually a huge gap in the security if the database let him update its rows without being an admin. Fuck, how could he get that? How could he trick the computer to believe he's an administrator with ultimate rights? If only he could log in as Han Raina! She most likely had every right they needed. They would only need a username and a password...

Or not.

A sarcastic chuckle escaped Yoongi's throat. It must have seemed crazy in such a situation but he didn't care. Could it be? Could they leave a hidden door just for him to find? They couldn't be so careless to leave that opportunity open just like that, not after knowing that he was doing his masters especially in cyber defence, this was his expertise field.

"I think I know how to hack into the database as an admin," he murmured under his nose at the questioning stares he got. "Does anyone remember what was the code on Miss Raina's ID card?" he pointed at his own still around his neck with his picture, name, other basic data including a bold font with his registration code yoon.gi.min.

He looked around hopeful, searching for help since he doubted Raina was the researcher's real name, it didn't really sound Korean enough. However, all he got was blank and confused stares. Sighing he knew he had no other chance than to give it a try. He could only hope that there was no lock on the system or a limit of maximum attempts of failed logins. He typed in rai.na.han into the command line after the username and added a few symbols into the password part. It was a wild guess, an almost childlike attempt.

SQL injection was one of the first and most basic web application attacking techniques he had been taught about during his years as a computer science major. He spent a lot of time trying to figure out how to hack into the data-driven application his professor had created to make his students sweat while doing their homework. SQLI was one of the biggest web application vulnerabilities, one of the greatest mistakes one could commit as a developer if they let open doors like this but maybe they were lucky.

Or not.

He sighed when the error message changed to No such username in the database. Of course, there wasn't, it would have been too good to be true.

"It was hye dot rin dot han," A girl the farthest from them said quietly, barely audible and Yoongi looked up from his computer to stare at the the long, brown haired girl with eyes that held mysteries noone has ever told. He didn't question why she hadn't said anything before, instead he typed in the name Seulgi suggested and adding the same symbol trick he pressed Enter with a hopeful heart.

Everyone looked at him in anticipation and the seconds seemed to roll by slower as they waited for the command to run. It seemed an awfully longer time than the barely 1.2ms it needed. Then Yoongi's usually stern face lit up with triumph.

"I'm in."

Jungkook and Namjoon, the fellow engineer students who had some idea about how programming worked let out an awed wow watching his work while the other let out relieved sighs and exchanged nervous smalls.

However, their small delight didn't last long.

"Fuck this shit," the IT guy groaned. "She doesn't have admin rights and apparently no one has. Which is crazy, it shouldn't be like this. Every database should have an owner."

"I think it's the city's doing. The artificial intelligence doesn't want us to leave," the younger engineer boy brushed the fringe out of his forehead as he carefully reminded them of what they feared the most: so it was really a trap. A trap with no exit? This possibility alone was enough to silence them all.

"Do you... do you think they are all dead too? Miss Raina and the others?" A small, scared voice rang like a chime of bells from behind Yoongi and those who hovered over the notebook in his lap.

Yerim's sudden question had taken all of them by surprise. The young girl looked over them like a ghost, pale and eyes hollow and red-rimmed. She might have seemed like a naive girl but everyone gets over the denial phase of grief at one point, so she could also face the truth. And that little added 'too' in her question hinted that Yerim also accepted the loss of her brother no matter how hard that must have been. Yoongi looked up at the doe eyed boy behind the girl's shoulder and Jungkook looked the most boyish and vulnerable in that moment that he had ever seen. For all his bravado, he looked quite frightened for the first time of the day. Even more so than in the computer room from where they were made to leave.

"If they stayed on the island then... they might be," the med student answered ever so diplomatic, not one for lies but not one for stabbing knives into sensitive hearts either. Unlike Taehyung who had enough of sitting around.

"Okay, so Plan A didn't work. Anyone has a Plan B instead of mourning people we don't really give a shit about?"

It was a harsh truth. No matter how shocked or empathetic they were, none of them felt too bad about the people who built this Hell that killed them in the end. They might have been good people with families but they didn't know them, so their grief was fake like the flowers in their dorm.

"Well, the building doesn't have any windows we can reach to climb in. The glass door is probably shock resistant. So our only chance is the door and this entry system," Yoongi murmured listing off the options he could come up with but it didn't look too promising.

"Actually every system like this can be hacked through good ol’ wires, too," Namjoon claimed, leaning closer to the control panel to check the perforation and the smooth edges of the box. He hummed seemingly finding a good way to open it and then he turned to his girlfriend.

"I need your makeup bag."

"What?" The girl blinked at him, confused and a bit angry at such a ridiculous request. What would he need her stuff to?

"You brought it, didn't you?" Having no time for explanations Namjoon raised a brow.

Wendy sighed and fished the small pink bag out of her luggage. Opening it her boyfriend only pulled out the metal nail file. Everybody held their breaths while the engineer guy picked the metal facet apart, using the tool instead of a screwdriver, untwisting the screws. He hovered over the insides of the panel and the multiple colourful wires that had no meaning to anyone besides him. Wordlessly, he reached for the beauty scissors and with a swift movement he cut through all of them.

"What the fuck?" Taehyung hollered bewildered when he saw what he did. Namjoon snorted at his panic.

"It's not a bomb, idiot, nothing bad will happen, I just disconnected it from the system–"

Shutting down speed doubled. Next sector shuts down in eighteen minutes. The machine voice chimed from somewhere inside, faint through the thickness of the walls but still audible.

"Oh are you so sure? Really?" the marketing major guy growled and fisting the collar of his shirt he pushed the engineer harshly to the wall.

"As if you knew better!" Namjoon said through gritted teeth, the tension between them evolving to a whole new level. Everybody tensed around them both from the fear of them tearing at each other and what the warning meant.

"Well I didn't want to go into that doomed basement either but as always no one listens to me," Taehyung clicked his tongue gripping harder on the material in his hands when prettily manicured fingers tried to pry those off.

"Because you had zero useful ideas! You can only complain!" Wendy spoke up on behalf of her boyfriend. No matter how much they fought, she deeply cared for him, it was obvious and she wasn't going to just let a big mouthed kid tell him off like that.

"Still better than getting us killed like your precious boyfriend just did," the lilac haired guy sneered at her too, coal black eyes boring into her soft brown ones like he was trying to pierce through her.

The others didn't watch the argument in silent anymore, more and more joined taking sides, trying to reason with soothing words but nothing seemed to work, not until like a breeze on a summer day, something gripping brought change into the atmosphere.

"Guys…"

A quiet voice trembled in the chaos, barely audible over the argument among the rest but miraculously every head whipped towards Seulgi standing by the door. Her hand was over the glass, leaving sweat stains on the material and the door itself was agape, leaving a slim crack between the edge and the frame. The entrance to the researchers' base was open.

They made it inside, exactly where they wanted to get and yet, it didn't taste like salvation at all. Because there was a grave price yet to pay.

[smokeybrandreviews]

Smokey brand Select: Biohazrd

With the advent of Peninsula’s release, the sequel of Train to Busan, i wanted to take some time and spotlight a few of my favorites Zombie films. My love for Zombie flicks stems more from the circumstances around the outbreak, rather than the monster effects and whatnot, themselves. Don’t get me wrong, the make-up in these things are almost always spectacular, but, for me, the existentialism is where the true horror of these films truly lie. I like the exploration of humanity and lack thereof in such dire situations. That whole man/monster motif. I am a sucker for those tropes and the study of human nature. For me, those make the best kinds films, that mirror to ourselves, and you get a ton of that in zombie flicks. Now, admittedly, i have seen a ton of these things and it was hard to whittle it down to just ten selections so this is another one of those wonky lists. Look, man, i like movies and this is my list so I'll do what i want!

10b. Overlord

Overlord is an interesting case. It started out as a spec script, then got made as part of the Cloverfield cinematic universe, but dropped that aspect after Cloverfield Paradox sh*t the bed. I think that was for the best because this movie is f*cking insane. It has nothing to do with Cloverfield and everything to do with Resident Evil and Wolfenstein. Indeed, this is everything a Wolfenstein adaption should be. Nazis and zombies and Nazi zombie super-soldiers - oh my! In all seriousness, this movie is one of the most violent, excessive, gory, cinematic pleasures i have ever experienced. Overlord knows exactly what it is and executes that vision with such fervent, bloody, sloppy, enthusiasm, you can’t help but have a great time.

10a. The Crazies

I saw the original version of this film when i was a kid on television. I thought it was an interesting take on the zombie formula and kept it’s existence in my back pocket. The Crazies was the first time i understood that a zombie didn’t need to be undead. This film predated my experiences with first Resident Evil game so infection was a brand new trope for me. Fast forward several years, and the remake drops. It’s so much better that the original. It is a low budget film, which means they need to focus on character and atmosphere to drive the tension home, both of which are absolutely excellent. The Crazies is harrowing, stressful, and brilliant. Both versions are good but the 2010 remake, in my humble opinion, is superior in every way.

9. The Night Eats the World

I stumbled upon this by accident while perusing amazon. I remember hearing about it and thought the premise was interesting. Imagine being locked in one of those dope ass, old timey, Paris apartments during a zombie apocalypse? That hook, alone, got me to bite but the performance given by Anders Danielsen Lie as the lead, Sam, was heart-wrenching. This is a very somber take on the isolation aspect of the zombie genre. This is I Am Legend but with a sobering reality infused in every scene. It was horrifying watching Sam’s mental degradation but a powerful watch overall.

8. Life After Beth

Life after Beth is probably the only light-hearted zombie film of this list and for good reason; It’s outstanding. I debated whether to put Zombieland or Burying the Ex on this list, both excellent in their own right, but i had way more fun watching this one, than either of those. That’s high praise because the first Zombieland is one of my absolute favorite films. Life After Beth is a unique take on the whole genre and Aubrey Plaza as the titular Beth was excellent. I would say it’s about as good as Zombieland, maybe a little better. Mostly because of Plaza. I really like Aubrey Plaza.

7. Deadgirl

This is actually Deadgirl’s second time making a Select list. I figured there would eventually be crossover as some flicks encapsulate so many different genres but it’s surprising that it would be this one. Actually, i think the first was Doctor Sleep with the Stephen King and Vampire lists, but Deadgirl is worth a double-dip, too. It’s super low budget and focuses on a rather interesting take on the Zombie genre. I don’t want to get into it too much because the film, itself, is worth a watch. So go do that. Go watch Deadgirl. Right now.

6. Maggie

This was a legitimate surprise for me to see. Maggie takes place several years after the actual outbreak. Zombies are a thing. They’ve been a thing. Humanity has already crossed that bridge and the virus is just the way of life. they’re the new normal and mankind is busy as much as usual after literally the dead rising from their graves. Precautions are taken to mitigate infection but they still occur with alarming frequency. Maggie is about a father who has to come to terms with his daughter’s infection. You slowly watch this man’s despair and desperation as the inevitable eventually befalls his one and only daughter. It’s stark, and bleak, and f*cking devastating. There isn’t a happy ending to this, it just ends. I loved this movie, man, and a lot of it has to do with Arnold Schwarzenegger’s performance. That sh*t was amazing and easily the best role I've ever seen in. I’m a huge Terminator fan but this performance as f*cking enthralling. Abigail Breslin is awful in it, though.

5. Cargo

Before i get into it’s merits as a zombie flick, i just need to say, Cargo is an excellent film in itself. Strong ass performances. A gripping and emotional narrative. Gorgeous cinematography. Deft direction. It’s an objectively beautiful film. Now, as a zombie outing, this motherf*cker is full of the despair. The whole f*cking thing is an exercise in constant, aggressive, tragedy. Don’t misunderstand, it’s excellent, but it will leave you exhausted by the end. It wraps up nicely and with a subtle tone of hope, but you will be emotionally exhausted, for sure, by the time those credit’s roll.

4. The Girl with All the Gifts

I love this movie if only because they took the cordycep route in regards to infection. The zombie story i wrote way back when i was in high school for my creative writing course, used that as the catalyst for my zombie shenanigans. I always found that sh*t interesting, like, what would happen if that parasitic relationship jumped species. Then The Last of Us came out and i was disillusioned because the story they told, turned out to be so much better than mine. I felt that same emotion when i first saw this movie. The Girl with All the Gifts is brilliant. It’s stunningly human while being objectively horrifying. The zombies play a part, sure, but it’s the inevitable extinction of humanity that drives this film, that haunts most of these characters. It’s X-Men but with zombies instead of mutants and executed in a way that feels disturbingly real. Plus, and i cannot stress this enough, Sennia Nanua is f*cking outstanding as Melanie. To be so young and to give such an emotional performance was a true joy to witness.

3. Night of the Living Dead

The classic that kicked off an entire genre and still, even after fifty-two years, one of the best examples of it to ever be made. Night was terrifying back in the day, mostly because of different sensibilities, but the horror of that film lied with the people trapped in the house. The true monsters were never the zombies, but humanity, itself. It was watching those survivors slowly turn on one another. It was the realization that people will eat each other when pressed with such harrowing events. I used to think that wasn’t true but then Covid happened and people were trampling each other for toilet paper. That was insane. People would absolutely act this way in real life so that ending, as f*cking abrupt and terrible as it was, rang true. That sh*t is what real horror is all about.

2. The Wailing

The Wailing is the first of two South Korean zombie flicks to make this list. Indeed, the other is so excellent, it had to share the top spot but this one, for me, was an easy pick at two. I’ve seen I’ve given The Wailing multiple viewings and every time, without fail, i am pulled into that world. It’s a very methodical film, not in the sense of pacing, but more in the sense of plotting. This thing has a story to tell and you have to commit to it being told. It is a lot to ask but, like so many other films that ask this of you, the experience is incredibly rewarding. Don’t let the fact this thing is Korean language stop you from taking in a true masterpiece. It’s gorgeous, performed adeptly, and shot wonderfully. The environment and atmosphere, alone, are worth the price of admission.

1b. Train to Busan

If 1a didn’t exist, Train to Busan would be the greatest zombie flick i have ever seen. It hits that sweet spot between the human and horror elements perfectly. Setting it on a train makes for some of the most tension filled scenes ever captured of film. For those of you that prefer a more action packed, zombie outing, Busan delivers that in spades, while giving you very real, very emotional, performances to boot. You feel for these characters and the bleakness of their plight. You feel the desperation as the world collapses around them. This movie, zombie elements remove, would still be f*cking fantastic. Add the horrors of an undead apocalypse, and you have one of the most devastating accusations of humanity ever captured on film.

1a. 28 Days Later

This is the greatest zombie film i have ever seen, hands down. It does everything Train to Busan does, AND sticks that feeling of isolation so well. In a lot of ways, this is more a study on the horrors humanity can commit in the face of oblivion, and i dig that. There are shades of that aspect permeating throughout all of these films but the first third of 28 Days Later nails that bleak loneliness with such aggressiveness, it’s borderline sadistic. This was my first experience with Cillian Murphy and i was thoroughly impressed. Dude was incredible in this role so imagine my complete lack of surprise when he popped up in Batman Begins. It’s said he got Scarecrow because of Days and i can totally see that. Watching this man’s career blossom has been a real pleasure but, for me, his Jim will always be the role i think off when people say his name. If you’ve never seen 28 Days Later, rectify that at once. It’s an incredible, gorgeous film that is definitely worth a watch.

Honorable Mentions: Burying the Ex, Zombieland, Shaun of the Dead, Dead Snow, Return of the Living Dead, Re-Animator, Day of the Dead, World War Z, Contracted, REC, Pride and Prejudice and Zombies, Gallowalkers, Pet Sematary, Resident Evil

[charmmycolour]

REGULAR DD CHARACTER DESIGN CONTEST!

Thanks goodness it was expanded, because my stupid ass forgot about it for a day! Anyway, this is my entry:

I decided to give her a more unique hairstyle and made the eyes slightly more blue, but otherwise the design was already so good I didn’t want to touch anything! I also worked on her story, of course:

* Name: Pudding

* Species: Pegasus

* Parents: Cinnamon Chai and Donut Joe

* Talent: Making delicious soft desserts

* Backstory: Pudding is the youngest of four siblings and the only pegasus on what otherwise is a unicorn clan. Her mother works on a tea shop and her father delivery baked goods to town, so of course Pudding ended having a similar talent.

Is for that reason that upon meeting her, you would think she blends perfectly with her siblings; which in similar fashion have cutie marks about chocolate, cookies or coffee. But Pudding isn’t as passioned about desserts as her talent suggest -and she’s truly amazing at it!-. She feels a little out of place, not only because she’s the only pegasus, but because others find her weird.

Pudding doesn’t think finding gaveyards cool, reading vampire books or planning Nightmare Night half a year in advance is weird; but her family certainly thinks so. She doesn’t understand why a crow wouldn’t be a super cool pet or squaking excited at a haunted house is not what other people do: Pudding enjoys horror more than anyone on Ponyville. Maybe it’s just because you don’t expect it from someone that acts so cute and giggly all the time, but hey, who said you couldn’t be adorable while watching your zombie marathon? Pudding certainly enjoys both.

It was not always like this. At first her parents found her hobbies a little disconcerning, if not outreach bizarre. Why could’t Pudding be like her brother and sisters and like quiet tea evenings and jazz music, maybe some nice cozy evening at the park? The little pegasus was absolutely oblivious as the odd looks she recieved dressing herself as a monster between her princess peers, and she really was devastated upon discovering in her teenager years she didn’t fit quite right. For some time, Pudding tried so hard to be “right”: she tried enjoying cutesy and light hobbies that matched her appearence, but for the life of her she couldn’t find them interesting. Then decided that maybe her appearance was the wrong part, and tried a more gritty and dark style for herself that didn’t quite work either. She tried to make her talent her passion, without luck. Tried to find a new one, without luck. Tried different jobs, different ideas, different groups and different friends.

But nothing worked.

It took her parents to interviene to understand, finally, what was wrong. They talked to her and said: “What it’s wrong it’s not your style, or your personality, or your talent. What it’s wrong is that you’re trying to change, because Pudding: you are already perfect just like you are. And we are sorry we didn’t let you know enough when you were a filly”. She was happy that day, hugging her family, more than ever. She was fine, and always had been.

Today, Pudding still works on the tea shop, a huge smile and a positive actitude inspiring everyone around her. And when the turn is over, she hangs out with her friends and watch horror movies, plays with costumes and volunteers on the haunted mansion. She still things graveyards are cool and everyone, including her family, agree with her.

* Some fun facts:

She LOVES Nightmare Night sweets, so much that she buys enough every years to last until the next one.

Her oldest brother is usually the one to braid her hair. Pudding enjoys a lot the company.

Usually works as cashier on the tea shop, but prefers to help her father with delivery when possible.

Loves flying and is always seeing how more high can she go before getting tired or lacking air.

Although her pudding is obviously good, her star product is whipped cream. Costumers say it’s like eating a cloud.

Hates strawberries for not particular reason.

So excited!

Tagging @dd-contests​

[madlori]

So last night I watched “The Meg”

...and it surprised me. Sometimes. 

SPOILERS.

Main Character (Jason Statham) deep-sea rescue diver Jonas is of course Haunted by an Incident that happened 5 years ago in which he had to cut a rescue short and leave some people to die or else they all would have died, and he saw the Really Big Shark but nobody believed him so now he’s Bitter and Drunk. This is all pretty bog-standard Action Movie fare. 

Oh hey look at that, he’s pulled back into the fray because his ex-wife is part of an expedition to the bottom of the Marianas Trench AND BENEATH BECAUSE IT’S ACTUALLY DEEPER OMG and her vessel got trapped after being attacked by totally not the giant shark that nobody believed him about

OH LOOK HIS EX WIFE IS PRETTY AND BLONDE now this whole adventure is gonna be one long set up to get them back together hey I saw “The Abyss” you can’t fool me

EXCEPT WAITAMINNIT MAYBE YOU CAN because Blonde Ex-Wife after being rescued is barely in the movie and is a Love Interest Red Herring

WHAT’S THIS? THE ACTUAL LOVE INTEREST IS SMART CHINESE LADY?

AND she’s played by a Chinese actress who is actually being allowed to speak non-perfect accented English

ok you have my attention

Wow this is a motley crew of various characters all here for this action movie 

Wow a surprisingly small percentage of them are white

ONE OF THEM’S RUBY ROSE? And she designed this high-tech underwater research habitat? You have more of my attention.

I always forget how charming and naturalistic Rainn Wilson is an actor when he’s not being Dwight Schrute

I should write down right now how many and which of these people are gonna die

Okay there’s a Funny Black Man on the crew, the rules state that he is gonna die (sigh)

Sunyin (Smart Chinese Lady)’s emotionally remote father is also along on this adventure, he is DEFINITELY gonna die

Basically I predict that everyone not-white will die. This prediction is based on every other action movie ever. Except Sunyin, she’s subject to the Love Interest Exception Clause of the Everyone-Not-White-Dies Action Movie Bylaws because they have to kiss at the end.

Is Rainn Wilson evil or not? That affects his Dying Likelihood. He’s a tech billionaire so that could really go either way depending on how the filmmakers feel about Elon Musk

I’m kind of appreciating the way they keep emphasizing how messed up everyone is that one of their friends died in the trench during the rescue and don’t let it be a thing that happened and is never mentioned again as would be the usual thing

Okay wow they did that Sexual Tension Trope thing there a guy opens the door for a woman and she barges right in and somehow doesn’t look at him while she’s talking a mile a minute just so they can then have her suddenly notice that he is Only in a Towel With Abs A-Poppin and then get all flustered, like who actually does that, barge in talking without looking at the other person, but in this case I’m Here For It because this actress is so charming she’s selling it. 

THE FIRST GUY TO DIE IS THE HUGE WHITE GUY ALREADY MY PREDICTIONS ARE WRONG

Okay wow they just actually made a joke about how racism is why black people often don’t know how to swim, that’s...surprisingly woke for this setting

A shockingly low number of people have died by the halfway point.

Wow they killed the shark like an hour in, gee, do you think there’s maybe ANOTHER SHARK and WAY BIGGER

also it’s refreshing that the heroes made a plan, executed the plan, and the plan worked. it’s not their fault that there was a Second Bigger Shark corollary that rendered their plan moot

Okay, Sunyin’s father did die, called that one. It’s surprisingly moving. And they did his entire death scene in Mandarin, subtitled. 

This just in: Rainn Wilson’s evil. Definitely dying. I guess that answers the question of how the filmmakers feel about Elon Musk.

Chomp chomp karma’s a bitch, baby

Sunyin is a badass, yo. They gave HER the “insanely dangerous doomed to failure endgame kill-the-monster” task that would usually go to the hero

To be fair, the hero does get to hero it up too

WE’VE GOT TO CLOSE THE BEACHES

they’re leaning into the Jaws parallels here

The big beach of people swimming that the heroes have Got To Warn is entirely non-Caucasian and I am all about it

Another plus: they definitely rammed home the whole “humans suck and generally destroy everything about the natural world and discovery is great but also terrible” Ian Malcolm message

Okay the Huge Megashark is finally dispatched by an absolute horde of regular-sized non-prehistoric sharks who descend on its bleeding form and devour it and I’m kind of emotional about Our Shark Friends saving the day right now

WHAT DO YOU MEAN NOBODY ELSE DIED? Just the dad and the bad guy and that one white dude plus Hiro from Heroes who sacrificed himself in the first ten minutes? EVERYONE ELSE LIVES? Surely that’s some kind of violation of the Action Movie Bylaws. Oh no wait, the Jerky Doctor also died. But heroically.

Science nonsense: a creature that has lived for millions of years at insane Marianas Trench pressure couldn’t just...come to the surface. It would explode into gloop. But you know...big shark.

Jason Statham is pleasingly craggy in his advancing years. 

THEY DIDN’T KISS AT THE END? How Pacific Rim of them.

I liked this movie. If you enjoy this kind of thing.