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whywouldyoudothistua · 5 months ago

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okay I had the strangest experience because I watched the first 3 episodes and went "this is great! a little silly but thats to be expected, no where near as bad as season 3" and then the last 3 episodes happened !! anyways

thoughts/take aways :

ty for letting them say fuck

aidan gallagher get out of the writers room and get a girlfriend

baby shark, seriously, that was at least 4 years ago

lila character assasination is CRAZY omg. she would never?? do anything with five 😭 her and five have hated eachother this entire time no matter how many years they were in a train station she would not get w his dusty ass

I dont understand how this happened except somehow aidan got leverage with the plot bc the GREENHOUSE?? SHOTS??? ARE LIKE IDENTICAL?? TO HIS WEIRD INSTAGRAM SELF INSERT FIC?? i hate this boy, get ur hands off my tua

also generally the way they have Lila act abt her family??? idk it feels like such a bland plotline to make her and diego hate being parents

the chubby jokes about diego are also crazy

the fives scene was so cringey 😭 i see what u were going for but it literally just gave citadel of ricks it was not good, and the rain man joke.

the plotline of klaus getting kidnapped was genuinely crazy to toss in there and play for jokes, they only acted like it was serious when the guy threatened allison like no he has been sex trafficking the hargreeves on screen for an entire episode

also while klaus being really paranoid of dying without his powers COULD have been a good plot line I feel like they did not do it well and it just ended up feeling like promoting his addiction

that goop ending was really weird, why'd they get gooped, what if they all died normally no goop involved, they window breaking shot was cool just have that massive monster kick their asses why goop

why did they imply Viktor is like treating all the women in town badly in the first episode 😭 viktor has NEVER acted like this. like please let trans men be GOOD men it doesnt men them girly to not treat women like shit

they act like sloan died and then never elaborated on it???

please explore why raymond left allison and fire aidan gallagher

klaus immediately going for the dog tags was actually rlly sweet almost cried

the two seconds of young apocalypse five were the best moments of the whole season

plot holes bc i was gonna be nice but you did this to yourself :

why is everyone calling it marigold like its not just random thing harlan came up with

"power up" THIS IS NOT WHAT ANY OF UR POWERS LOOKED LIKE UNTIL RN WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING

and fives jumps are purple??? for the reason of ??? ??? why??

and WHY THE HELL DOES LILA HAVE LaZER EYES. ALL THEIR POWERS ARE LIKE THEIRS BUT SLIGHTLY DIF/MORE POWERFUL AND SHES JUST GOT LAZER EYES 😭

why were lila and five living like they were in the apocalypse in that train station when they clearly could pop up and time travel around??? like go up take a shower, time travel to sometime with stores, buy some meat, why are you hunting rats, theres literally a deli in there

also they were in there for SEVEN YEARS and never saw another five until the last episode????

I also really heavily doubt it would take five 7+ years to figure out the train system

also the way allison pours the marigold directly into klaus' wound and it just works 😭 how does it work both by drinking it AND ALSO BY POURING IT DIRECTLY IN A MANS GUNSOHT WOULD

what? was going on w Sy Grossman ?? did we ever figure that out?? did they just kill him off and leave us wondering?? why did he say he was Jennifers dad? was he actually with the Keepers? was he just working for Abigail?? no fucking clue

one of the hargreeves (i think luther) called bens death the jennifer incident in s3,,,, but they did not know the girls name and also allegedly had their memories wiped???? okay,,,

also i thought sparrow ben KNEW jennifer already cuz he had her name in his journal or whatever?? but now he doesn't???

why was she in the squid 😭 ?

honestly im sure theres more ive forgotton but omg, that was not good 😭

#the umbrella academy #tua season 4 #tua s4 #tua spoilers #spoilers #tua #umbrella academy

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iambicpentameterhamster · 4 months ago

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Every umbrella academy character ranked (seasons 1-4)

After that shitshow of a fourth season, i felt it necessary to redo this.

#36 -The Sparrows (Jayme, Alphonso, Fae etc.)

The show had no clue what to do with these characters. They sit around being evil for a little while only to promptly die within four episodes. Also one of them is a fucking cube?!? Whats up with that?

#35 - Sloane

How come she disappears in season 4 but not sparrow Ben? So much of this makes no sense.

#34 -Sparrow Ben

I hate this character with my whole being. He goes around calling people emo as if HE DOESNT WAKE UP EVERY MORNING WITH A SCOWL ON HIS STUPID FACE AND EMO HAIR ON HIS STUPID FOREHEAD. He's so rude and awful and i'm given no reason by the show to give a shit where he ends up.

#33 -Carl Cooper

This one speaks for itself.

#32 -Reggie's wife

The two of them annoyed me so much.

#31 -Viktor

Moochy emo sod. Elliott Page's acting got progressively worse throughout the series (and i like Elliott Page, but this wasnt his best work.)- season 1 Vanya was tolerable, beyond that i couldn't stand this character. All his jokes land flat and he has the charisma of a piece of cardboard.

#30 -Season 4 Five

For the sake of this ranking, i am treating seasons 1-3 Five and season 4 Five as seperate characters. Seems like the writers were doing the same. What the fuck, guys? How do you bulldoze a character this badly?

Season 4 Five was unfunny, selfish, cowardly, and most of all on a different plane of being from the Five we all knew and loved. Screw you, season 4 Five, you're not canon.

#29 -Season 4 Lila

I'm treating Lila the same way. Season 4 Lila was an injustice to seasons 2-3 Lila.

#28 -Harlan

Couldn't care less about him. He represents to me when the umbrella academy started going to shit in season 3.

#27 -Jennifer

Again, we are given no reason to care about her.

#26 -Pogo

He was just there for the exposition. They never explained why Reggie was doing experiments on monkeys??

#25 -Reggie

He was quite a good villain but i still hate him. Really goofy at times, too.

#24 -Jean and Gene

They were quite good actually. If season 4 wasn't a dumpster fire, i reckon they'd have been able to really shine.

#23 -Cha Cha

This is getting into better territory. I liked Cha Cha, she was badass, but not well developed.

#22 -Detective Patch

Again, i liked her, but she wasn't given much time to develop as a character.

#21 -The Swedes

They were funny, whimsical villains that were fun to watch on screen. Funny and whimsical are two adjectives that TUA used to embody.

#20 -Elliott

My guy just wanted to eat fish and be a conspiracy theorist 😔

#19 -Sissy

Welcome back, Sheldon's mum.

In all seriousness, she was well acted despite Viktor's actor giving her nothing to work with, so props to her.

#18 -Dave

WE GOT ZERO MENTIONS OF DAVE IN SEASONS 3-4?!? DESPITE HIM BEING A HUGE PART OF KLAUS'S CHARACTER?!?! WHEN I CATCH YOU WRITERS-

#17 -Destiny's children

I am in fact an active member

#16 -Luther

I have bumped Luther up my list because in seasons 3-4 he sort of embraces his goofiness, but in seasons 1-2 he is an insufferable, incestuous moron. He is up here for good character development and i wished he could have ended up with Sloane.

#15 -Agnes

She was really cute and sweet, i liked her a lot. RIP season 1, you were peak.

#14 -Herb and Dot

They were sweet and funny too, and i miss the whole idea of the time commission.

#13 -Kenny's mum

An honourable mention

#12 -Grace

Grace was super well performed and poignant. I have no issues with Grace.

#11 -Stan

Live, laugh, love Stan. I hate that the trauma of losing him was never mentioned in season 4 for Diego or Lila.

My top 10

#10 -Lenoard Peabody/ Harold Jenkins

I stand by him being one of the best-acted and most cleverly written villains of all time. He is not only a well-executed surprise villain, but a scarily accurate one, and the actor plays him to perfection. We even start to like him before the cracks show. Also he looks like a creepy version of Lin Manuel Miranda.

#9 -Ray

Season 4 did Ray DIRTY. It was completely out of character for him to just walk out. They could have at least have him die in a tragic accident or something. Season 2 Ray is the perfect, most charismatic, ideal man and i hold him in my heart forever and in my head Alison and Ray ended up together.

#8 -Hazel

He had one of the best arcs on the show, period. Continues to represent everything good about the first two seasons of TUA. He was flawed, he was human, he was loveable.

#7 -Umbrella Ben

He seemed like he could have been a brilliant character with more screen time. His sacrifice in season 2 was a genuinely moving moment. The backstreet boys moment is SO FUNNY and his and Klaus's dynamic is something i really miss.

#6 -The Handler

We don't appreciate The Handler enough. The show started rolling downhill as soon as The Handler was gone. She was the glue that held the show together, one of the best villains/antagonists in TV history.

#5 -Allison

Yes, season 3 Allison made some stupid choices and did some terrible things, but a lot of it came from grief and she redeemed herself in season 4 imo. Seasons 1-2 Allison was one of the most charismatic, endearing and empathetic characters on the show.

#4 -Seasons 1-2 Lila

I love you. I miss you. Come back to me.

#3 -Diego

Bumped up the list for being a CONSISTENTLY good character who is flawdd but still extremely loveable and hilarious.

#2 -Seasons 1-3 Five

Seasons 1-3 Five would shoot season 4 Five in the face. He is the daddy here, and season 4 Five is the creepy uncle.

Original Five is a masterfully crafted, hilarious, unique, intelligent character and i will not let season 4 ruin it for me.

#1 -Klaus

This needs no justification.

What do you think? How far do you agree?

#the umbrella academy season 4 #the umbrella academy season 2 #the umbrella academy #the umbrella academy cast #the umbrella academy season 1 #the umbrella academy season 3 #klaus hargreeves #five hargreeves #diego hargreeves #lila pitts #reginald hargreeves #allison hargreeves #luther hargreeves #viktor hargreeves #ben hargreeves

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sissytobitch10seconds · 4 months ago

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I think it's kind of interesting that Viktor is overshadowed by his siblings both in the canon and fanon.

In season one I could understand it. Despite Viktor being the main character that literally drives the entire plot, everyone focuses on the other characters. People make fun of Luther for talking about the moon all the time. Everyone is almost creepily obsessed with Klaus and the Vietnam fling that he had. No one really talks about Allison, but her story is primarily linked with Viktor's since she's trying to heal their relationship (fandom misogyny too). I think that there's a decent amount of talk around Five since he's such a fascinating character. There's quite a lot of talking about Diego too, since he loses Eudora and spends a lot of time trying to take care of Klaus. But no one really talks about Viktor and the amount of shit that he goes through in s1. All the siblings other than Allison completely abandon him too, and Allison only wants the idea of a 'sister' that she's built up in her head since she lost her husband and daughter.

In season two, it makes even less sense to not talk about what Viktor has done. He has a queer love story with Sissy and we get to see way more development and chemistry for, Klaus and Dave had a montage and some sad lines from Klaus as opposed to an entire arc through ten episodes, but no one really does anything with it. Allison gets basically no attention for the same fandom misogyny issues as before. Five gets some attention because of the fact that he's exhausted and still dealing with the Commission (his fight scenes are amazing). Diego gets the same treatment as Luther did but a little more deserving because the plan to save JFK was stupid. Luther gets totally sidelined and ignored too, but people really hated him in S1 so I'm not surprised. Klaus gets all the attention again even though his plot outside of Ben possessing him is honestly really boring and makes me so uncomfortable.

Season three is where Viktor should have gotten the most attention. If we're considering the fact that the TUA fandom has a very queer audience, then they should be super excited and celebrating the fact that Viktor is trans. Not only that, but he's also working his ass off so that he can fix things for Allison and get her back to a timeline where her daughter exists or back to the sixties. I think a lot of people ignore that, giving Five more credit than he deserves for trying to fix the world when Viktor was doing that until Harlan showed up and he wanted to handle that first. A lot of attention during the debut went again to Klaus, which was actually warranted this time since he was plot relevant by showing us things about Reggie and discovering his powers. Diego got more attention since he was parenting Stan and fighting with Lila, which was nice. Five got some meme attention but nothing serious and Luther got a little bit of genuine love. But mostly people just posted the conversation where Viktor comes out to his family and continued to ignore him.

Now Season four is out and no one cares about Viktor. He stands up to Reginald and says all of the things that he needs to say, he fights like Hell to try and save Ben from the Durango and get him someplace stable, he owns a bar and got fucking KIDNAPPED. No one is talking about him, all people are doing is complaining about fivela and the ending.

Viktor moved to Nova Scotia probably to get better trans healthcare, but also because none of his siblings care about him. My man is a tiny trans man that got kidnapped and ransomed off the street and they couldn't care less about him when they show up, Five is taking notes about the room they're in instead of checking to make sure that his childhood best friend is okay. Luther may have made him best man at his wedding, but it was just because Viktor had only just come out and all the other siblings were non options (never been close with Five, butted heads with Diego who didn't even want the wedding to happen, not their Ben, and Klaus was officiating) which was the same reason Lila was Sloane's maid of honor. Diego and Viktor barely spare two words at each other despite their closeness in the comics. Lila and Allison say something briefly to him before they also fuck off further into the plot.

Viktor isn't liked by his family despite them trying to include him in it when it's convenient for them, and he's also disliked by the fandom. I went into the TUA tag and about half of the top twenty posts were about someone else with him tacked on as an afterthought.

#tua #the umbrella academy #tua critical #the umbrella academy critical #viktor hargreeves

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darkness-follows · 6 months ago

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hey! i love your writing! there’s so little for Boyd x reader out there, so if you’re up for it could you maybe write something for him? maybe a little hurt/comfort and smutty?? he’s such a weirdo and i love him sm

thank you! and have a nice day :)

Thank you, thank you !!!! And of course!!! I hope the changes I made and the idea it turned into still all work for this !

Boyd x Female Reader

I'm still not over the end of City Primeval because it was so perfect and makes up for how in my opinion the other 7 episodes were a bit of a tough chew. Not bad! But not fantastic either.. but still, consider giving it a watch especially for the end of episode 8 for this mini multi part fic might spoil some things!!!!

It hurts so good aka a Justified: City Primeval sequal to the OG show with older Boyd and a Prison Guard reader who falls madly in love with him.

TW: Blood. Wounds. Prison stuff. Smut (cavity/strip search). Gross other prisoners.

Enjoy PART 1:

First day on the Job. A Female prison Guard in a men only Penitentiary, it takes a lot to stomach everything, the comments, the looks, the disgusting things prisoners say to you. But you prepared for this, you got trained for this and hell you will make the best of it! You get to meet the non violent prisoners first, the ones who aren't arrested for rape or torture or anything of that kind. It's also the first time you meet Boyd Crowder. Your family being from Harlan Kentucky you heard some stories..

You know of him, but not a whole lot about him.

Though mistakes happen in prison especially on a first day. Your partner accidentally left you alone with Boyd and another prisoner in the back of the kitchen. And men who were locked up for a long time...don't exactly behave the best towards a young, pretty attractive new Guard. "Didn't know they hire models" the prisoner says, it's a mild start but it gets worse and worse. Until he makes a move towards you, he grabs your wrist and tries to pull your hand towards his crotch "let go! Let go of me!!" You try to pull away but he's twice your size.

You hear a loud bang and all of a sudden the prisoner has his eyes snapped on Crowder.

"Jerry! That ain't how we treat women now is it? You better confess what you've done if you wish to sleep in peace tonight" Boyd turns to take the man's shoulder, guiding him slowly out of the kitchen. "You don't want any suprise visits tonight do you Jerry?" He whispers before he shoves him out of the kitchen.

Shaking his head "I'm sorry about that, some of em really don't know how to behave. You okay?" He asks and when your eyes meet his it's almost..magnetic. "hm? Oh! Yeah! Yes thank you, I was ready to get that taser out" You huff.

"Oh please there is no need to thank me, I'm sorry your first day went like that, I sincerely hope one bad Apple doesn't spoil the whole bunch for you now. There are some good men in this place." He points out. The way he speaks and the methaphor.. you heard he has a certain charm to him but seeing it in real life, hearing his buttery accent and the way he carries himself despite the orange prison attire? He's a bit Interesting..

"I'm known to hand out a few chances" You smile and open up the knife drawer with your keys. Your duty is to observe their cooking and Crowder was listed as green when it comes to kitchen supplies such as knives.

"Gotta admit I might be the same way, Lord knows I've been giving away chances like free candy" He takes one of the bigger kitchen knives to start cutting the vegetables Jerry was supposed to take care of. The way he keeps looking over his shoulder at you to talk makes you feel a certain kind of warmth. He's really making sure to adress you respectfully, keeping eye contact and not looking you up and down like the rest of em in this place.

"Well, thanks again Crowder." You nod. Keeping it professional.

🕐

2 weeks into a new job and it's safe to say that you adjusted well, you know who to trust and who to get along with, which prisoners are the nice kind and which ones are the bad. This place works like a perfectly oiled machine, everything is time based and the system of the prison works. You shouldn't have a favorite prisoner but this Crowder guy doesn't seem too bad. You've been through his file a little, it's a hefty record for a man who seems so nice and collected. You also stumbled across some pictures of an injury he got inside.

Graphic pictures of a mean looking burn on his upper arm, investigation showed second degree burns to apparently scorch a hateful Tattoo off of his skin. Ouch. Yet no agressor is listed, apparently, he wouldn't say who did it to him. It was his first week of kitchen duty too.

You see Crowder again in the kitchen, it's easy for New Guards to be posted at Lunch and dinner. Observe everything.

"You've got to try this! For prison chow it really is somethin' " Crowder points out, stirring a pot.

You hesitate at first but you are pretty sure he wouldn't try and poison you. Not like this anyways. "I don't know If..- I'm allowed to" You frown but with a smile. Though no other guards are around so maybe it's fine. The smile on his face when you step closer is almost sweet, he takes a spoon and puts some of the food onto it, holding it out to you. You don't even really think about it when you open your mouth and your lips move around the spoon that he's holding. Too distracted by the taste.

"Wow!" You huff suprised, chewing slowly. "That really is good" How on earth does prison food taste better than the food at your own table at home?

"You like it? It's a old Crowder family recipe. It's easy to make but got quite the kick to it!" He throws you another rather off putting smile, why is he so nice? You read his file you know he's not violent for no reason but it's still a bit unusual.

"Yeah I do like it! You gotta give me that recipe" You take a few steps back again, licking your lips softly. That was really tasty.

"Is that an order, Guard?" He asks, wiping his hands on a kitchen towel and turning to face you. The tension in the room is suddenly different, heated, you don't know what he's getting at but it's best to put a cork in it, now.

"No?" You question. "Now get back to work" .

"That was an order" You tease.

His chuckle rings in your ears for a moment, you really do have a strange relationship with him.

🕒

Its not unusual to play favorites in a place like this but you and Crowder became..close. It's been a month now for you in Kentucky's Tramble Penitentiary. Everytime you interact with Boyd you laugh, you smile, he smiles, it really feels like you starting to develop a crush. Which is bad. Biggest rule in the game. Don't fuck the inmates. Ever. Cooking duty for him means you can always watch him fix up something nice for the other inmates. He really always takes his time, he always makes it great.

Up until today.

"God! Fuckin' damn it!" You hear Boyd curse loudly and when you rush to the kitchen to take a look you can see blood. Your hand moves to your taser.

"Easy! Didn't stab nobody, just cut myself, the fucking cucumber slipped off the board." He holds his fingers and you can see blood slowly running down his hand and arm. Luckily you have some mild medical training.

You radio in the incident and your current Boss gives the clear, your allowed to take care of the injury and put someone else on cooking duty.

You swap out inmates and a coworker takes over the Observation while you take Crowder to the small medicial room at the end of the hallway. A own room for minor things so they don't all end up clogging up the only Hospital wing in the entire prison.

But you've never been in this area or this room before and suddenly it dawns on you, you are new and your alone here with a prisoner known for Manipulation tactics. The fear becomes reality when you finally take a closer look at his injury. No way in hell was that an accidental cut, the placement is way off.

"What's the plan Boyd? Jump me. Take my keycard, my taser, make your way out the back?" You huff.

You hope you are wrong but when he starts to chuckle you can feel your stomach turn.

"No darlin' not quite." He points out.

"God and here I was thinking you weren't like the other's" your hand reaches for your Radio again to call it in when he's suddenly a few steps too close.

"It ain't like that" Boyd takes another step closer.

"Come one now, you need me to spell it out for you?" His voice...his smile.. he's...- is he trying to seduce you?!

"What? Yes. I think you do" your hand leaves off the radio.

"We have been dancin' around reach other for a month now, as nice of a dance as it was, you wanna leap off that stage now don't you? See the Real Deal." He suggests.

You can't help but to burst into a soft laughter "You think I want to sleep with you???" You shake your head and turn away from him, grabbing some rubbing alcohol and a Band aid for his self inflicted dumb cut.

"I don't just think so, I know so" He points out. Stepping behind you while you gather the supplies.

"Your crazy. I really underestimated your Level of crazy. Now give me that hand and then I'll take you back to your cell" You chuckle again. Staring at him when you turn around and he holds up the cut in his hand. Your hands tremble while you pour the alcohol onto a cottonball. Taking his hand into yours, cleaning the cut and then the rest of the blood from his hand and arm. His fingers, his breathing.. He takes another step forward and you take one back. Feeling the wall against your back, shaky hands trying to hold still while you slap the band aid onto his wound. Once that's done his hand closes around yours.

"You mean it? I've been imagining things... you don't want me?" He tries to confirm that he actually might have been wrong about you.

But you can't help it, you let his hand take yours.

Your hesitation speaks volumes.

Your hand presses against his chest, but he leans in to kiss you anyways. His lips are so gentle, so careful, he's not aggressive or demanding. It's almost sweet if you don't think about the fact that this could get you fired and that having a crush or fling with him won't work. Because at the end of the day he's in here and you are out there.

You break the soft kiss with a sigh.

"No..- I don't want to sleep with you, now take a step back Crowder" You raise your shoulders, making yourself a bit taller.

He nods. And he does.

"Apparently im off my game, it's been a while" He frowns. "I deeply apologize." He keeps his head down for a moment.

He genuinely seems sad. As if he can't believe he made such a mistake.

"Your not off your game." You finally say. "Imma have to get a uh, a transfer I think, to another ward, having feelings for an inmate is unacceptable."

His head lifts up slowly.

"Here I was thinkin' all these little things were signs you wanted my flesh. But it aint just that huh?" The smile on his face makes you roll your eyes. "You like me" He grins. "Shut up" You groan.

"As in, a little crush! Or a big crush? Good Lord! Are you in love with me?!" Now he's just being mean.

"I said shut up!" You chuckle.

And then he hugs you.

You expected everything but that...

His arms around you feel so strangely comforting, you know this is wrong, you read his charges, you know very well why he's in here and yet here you are, in his damn arms. Your hands are hesitant, but slowly you stroke your palm over his back and your other holds onto his upper arm, where you feel the scar tissue underneath your finger tips.

"Why did you never tell who did this to you?" You ask, hand soothing over the uneven skin. It's a really bad burn scar, thick and leathery almost in it's texture.

He slowly lets go of your frame, placing his palm onto your face. "Cause I did that myself." He tugs a piece of your hair behind your ear before his lips place a kiss onto your head. "They woulda thrown me into isolation for it, marked me up as a danger to myself, couldn't risk that...-" He adds. Taking a step back then.

"Why did you do it? Apart from the obvious.." your skin feels on fire, you want more, your lips are dying for a kiss that takes your breath away and your hands are aching for a body to cling to.

"Form of self punishment, I guess." Incredible how sane and yet insane such a Statement sounds, you kind of understand. Pointing to his hand "And you did that to sleep with me?" You huff. It's a strange way to go about things, that's for sure.

"Well, had to get you alone somehow didn't I?" His face changes when he looks at you a little while longer, taking a deep breath. "But I gotta admit, this was quite the suprise, might be even been better than a simple, fleeting, lustful exchange. I deeply honor that you.. care about a man such as myself." He likes it, he wouldn't have it any other way actually.

"Doesn't matter much does it? Not like there is anything to be build here" The alarm starts blasting which means Lunch is over and it's back to the cells.

He missed Lunch for you.

You take a hold of his shoulder to walk him back to his cell, his cellmate not being there yet you step inside for a second.

"Don't request a transfer.." He whispers. "Seeing your face every day for the last month while cooking has been the happiest I have been in a while, don't take that from me, please." He seems really sincere.

You nod "Okay." Then you leave his cell.

Fuck, you can't believe you have a crush and that he kissed you, and that he hugged you, hell he even knicked himself with that knife to get to be alone with you and then also asked to not stop seeing you everyday.

Falling for an inmate was not on your list, especially not THE Boyd Crowder.

🕔

Fights happen very very often in tight spaces like these with a bunch of criminals. Unfortunately Crowder was in the room where it happend, which means by the damn book, strip search. Someone could be hiding a self made knive, razorblade glued to a toothbrush..hide drugs.. anything.

"Crowder. Room 3." The guard yells, FUCK. You were hoping he'd be called to a different room, you change your gloves from the last inmates search, leaning against the medical shelf when he steps inside. The instant smirk on his face makes you flush Red.

"Well ain't that somethin' , guess it's your lucky day" He closes the door and takes off his shoes. Not his first strip and not your first search but.. this is pretty damn intimate. Even if you try to not treat it that way, you like him, and he knows you like him, and now you get to do a body search on him? It might really be your lucky damn day.

"Hey now! Im a pro" You wiggle your gloved fingers.

"I bet you are darlin' " He steps closer, opening the buttons on his orange prison jumper. The reveal of his chest and his shoulders is already pretty nice to see but when he drops it lower and you get to see his abs and his hips and his V line it's starting to get steamy in the room. He Strips the jumper and stands in his white boxershorts.

"Don't you worry now, I think I'd be quite alright with a bit of touching" He clicks his tongue, taking off his boxers. And Jesus christ. Seems like Boyd Crowder isn't just all talk, he really got the package to back it up. Good for him!

"You are staring" He comments.

"No! What? Im not! Turn around" You huff, watching him turn around and place his hands against the wall. Fuck, this shouldn't be so damn hot.

"Bend uh, bend over...you know how this goes come on Boyd" You sigh.

His chuckle makes your head spin, you really didn't think this would happen today. But you got a job to do, it's not like you don't trust him but .. you have to do this right?

You take a deep breath before you step behind him, patting down his hair first, armpits, his hips, people get creative. Some even hide blades in their own damn skin. When your hands move to his pretty nice butt you hesitate.

"Oh come on now sweetheart. Ain't my first rodeo. Let's go" He huffs. You nod. Taking the lube from the medical cabinet, you hands spread his buttcheeks apart, when you don't see or feel anything it's time for the uncomfortable finger. You apply enough lube and with a soothing hand on his hip you gently push a finger inside of him.

You don't take him for the type to shove drugs up his damn ass but this is simply part of the job. Of course you don't feel anything so you move to take your finger away again but then he..moans.

A long deep right out of his lungs kind of moan.

You move your finger slowly again in the same motion and his body tightens. "You uh, you okay?" You ask.

He nods. Which is not a yes and not no to you.

"Bit sensitive are we Crowder?" You ask and you could swear to god that he pushes back against your hand. "I think I have to be really thorough here." You slowly push a second finger inside of him.

"Fuck...-" He moans deeply.

"I'm so sorry!" You panic a bit.

"No your fine..- just god please don't stop".

"Don't stop what? That?" You move your fingers the way you did before again and again..- getting a bit deeper each time. His head is resting on the arm that's holding him against the wall, you can tell he's breathing faster, his skin is flush. Someone likes a bit of a prostate massage.. Interesting.

Boyd's breathing sounds so insanely erotic, you never heard a man make these noises before.

His other hand spreads him open a bit, watching your fingers move in and out of him. You never thought you'd be into that but? The way he sounds so broken by how good it feels? The fact that it makes him feel so good makes you feel good in return. That's all that matters right?

You step closer to him, placing a gentle kiss onto his back while your free hand reaches around him. Stroking over his Rock hard cock.

"Good lord, Ain't that some kind of abuse of Power?" He comments but he likes it, he could easily make you stop if he wanted to. Looking at you with big desperate beautiful eyes.

"You wanna file a complaint?" You kiss his shoulder and his back again. His hips starting to meet your pace is incredible.

"Phew aren't you all wound up, how long has it been Boyd? Since you felt a womans touch? Soft lips against your skin, delicate hand around your cock?" You whisper and it feels as if he's crumbling at your words. All desperate and defeated. That certainly is a new look for Boyd Crowder.

"Too long way too long" He breathes out.

"Am I doing a good job?" You ask hopeful.

"The best..." his voice is dripping with something sweet, he sounds so thankful.

When you push your fingers into him harder you can feel his hips shiver. He likes it a little rough too apparently.

You keep the stronger pace of your fingers, hand stroking his cock in the same motion.

The orgasm you get to witness is stunning, breathtaking. He tries to swallow his moans but his body clenches around your fingers and his cock throbs in your hand while rows of cum spray the wall in front of him. It's easy to tell without a vocal Orchestra that he really enjoyed himself. Carefully letting go of him and taking your gloves off.

"God damn Baby." He chuckles when he turns around.

He picks up his clothes and gets dressed again fairly quickly, closing the buttons on his prison jumper. He even has the damn courtesy of taking some paper towels and cleaning up the mess he made, tossing them and washing his hands before he looks at you.

"You really have me question what we are here..." He tilts his head and you can still see the remains of a blush on his skin.

"I've never done this before, all these other guys they are so...uptight, uncomfortable, and then you come along moaning around" You huff.

"Which I never done before either!! No other guard has ever gotten me like this, I think it's more of the person, the person being a woman I rather fancy" He smirks a bit. "I bet any touch of yours would make me sing such tunes darlin' " God the charisma of this man is teeth rotting sweet.

"Your ridiculous" You comment, but you should move on now, you don't want people to question why this is taking so long.

"Ridiculousy smitten, correct." He nods.

"Go now, smitten or not this is still a crime" You nod towards the door but instead of him going both of his hands take your face. Kissing you slow and sweet before he has to let go. "Might get myself into some more trouble if that means I get to be seein' you" he winks before he opens the door.

He's such an idiot but...god you too are pretty damn smitten.

💞🕒💞🕒💞🕒💞

To be continued...

Hey thank you for reading. I hope you liked it. And I hope you are excited for more !

Tags:

@justme12200 @cat-shepard @megangovier

@ivyinthesun @catclaw12

If I wrongly tagged someone or forgot someone im super sorry !!! I gotta start making a damn list hahaha.

#walton goggins #boyd crowder #justified #justified city primeval #boyd crowder x female reader #boyd crowder x reader #cooper howard #the ghoul #fallout #lee russell #vice principals #part 1

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earlymorningfoxhunt · 1 month ago

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alright boy pack your bags, we're going to castle kerringford!!

(our thoughts on episode 48)

john gets an A+ in co-piloting he fucking nailed it, im do glad he gets to show off his detective skills

our eyes!!!!

I know everard was talking about warren but oooo the similarities between them "charismatic, manipulative, and hungry" ooooooooooooooo

his appearance is described as modern, the talks of years to come in the legacy of the physicians research, and he specifically dismisses arthur to his room while everyone is encouraged to make themselves comfortable, this guy totally knows

hey john why were you um getting tripped up when arthur got asked what god he follows huh? did you have something you wanted him to say?

"stay with me" OOOUUUURRRRG

arthur called her shub!

mom said its johns turn to have ptsd

arthur fucking cooked this whole episode i love getting to see him in his element where he just gets to play the entire room its so good!!

because everard specifically said "beyond the stars" we're assuming that his father worshiped horig, but what about the familiar doors? hes clearly not loyal to whatever everyone else worship but is he loyal to any entity? he could just want to be a messy bitch

"All of you worship the way I do, the say my father did" roo roo roo

also I like how this entire story is about family and how harlan will remind us of it at every chance

it feels like arthurs trying to get everyone against everard im so excited for the next episode

I have a bulletin written down that just says "cunty frenchman"

#good fucking episode #malevolent #malevolent spoilers #malevolent 48 #earlymorning talks

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insistonyourcupofstars · 4 months ago

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something something all boyd ever wanted from raylan was an admittance of what they had. a moment of truth that existed without deep subtext or euphemism or what have you - just an acknowledgment of what "we dug coal together" actually meant. a moment where raylan wouldn't repress the raging sea of emotions that he holds within himself and give boyd a sign, a true acknowledgment.

and the tragic thing is, boyd gets that. but not at the very end. when he gets what he wants, it's to coerce him into helping raylan take down a man who hurt his family. of course, not only was boyd accused of being involved in the hostage situation with winona, but when raylan goes to him to get his own form of justice, what is it raylan says to boyd?

boyd's not going to help raylan out of protecting ava from him. nope, boyd's going to help raylan because he's. his. buddy.

and what does boyd do? he drives raylan, in the middle of the night, to murder some big-shot mob boss to give raylan a sense of vengeance.

I was rewatching the final episode of s4 a while back, and this moment just hit me like a truck. the way raylan so casually and poignantly tells boyd that he will go with him because they're friends and he does it! because raylan just pulled the uno-reverse card on his ass!

it's such good writing because not only does it shine a light on how far boyd is willing to go for raylan - and this deep-seated feeling of need of validation that he desires from him (raylan did leave him in harlan supposedly not too long after the mine collapse, and they were so young that it definitely would cause limgering feelings of abandonement) - BUT ALSO it shows the depth of raylan's character because HE KNOWS.

raylan knows what boyd wants. he has always known, but like he does with almost everything that elicits an emotion other than "anger" and "sarcasm," he puts it away in a locked airtight box that no one, including himself, ever has to see. and yet, when push comes to shove, raylan is not at all above using this as a way to further his own goal. it's not a good light to cast on his character despite all lighting looking good on his character but it makes his character sooo much more juicy.

#I've been meaning to write this for months and for some reason 11:07 at night seemed like a good time to get it down #raylan givens #boyd crowder #justified (fx)#I love my southern gothic comedy

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clerical3rr0r · 4 months ago

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I’ve finally recovered from the latest episode of Malevolent enough to actually try to analyze it. It got very long and that’s not even all I wanted to say.

Malevolent 45 spoilers under the cut

First of all shoutout to Harlan Guthrie for making me cry. Was not expecting that tonight but I can’t even be mad about it because the storytelling was so good.

Second of all, the themes. Where do I even start?

As soon as they started talking about the Boy Brigade I knew things were going to take an interesting turn. As John and Arthur both point out, we rarely hear about Arthur’s childhood. He rarely thinks about it. It was a very difficult time for him and to an extent he treats it as if it’s best left forgotten. While it was a difficult time for him and it sounds like he has complicated feelings about much of what they were trying to teach him, it was where he made his first friend. That’s a good memory for him, and it always will be. In that and in other little moments there, he said he found hope.

Hope is a large part of this podcast and the entire point of this episode. When Arthur feels apathetic and discouraged by a lack of meaning, John reminds him that they can make their own and Arthur remarks that he feels hopeful. When Malam explains what he does, he says that children represent hope in this world. Hope is what he saw in the fire and what drew him in.

Personally, I’m seeing connections to season 4 when Arthur referred to John as a child. He meant it in the sense that John didn’t have the same emotional maturity as someone who spent decades living as a human, but it also works in the sense that John is so very hopeful. For all the horrors he’s witnessed, he hasn’t let them beat him down. Even when Arthur dies, he doesn’t stop fighting until he rewrites the narrative to bring his friend back to life. He still refuses to accept that Arthur will (probably) have to die eventually. And when Arthur brings up the admittedly good point that they could be on a fool’s errand, John argues that others might have failed, but they wouldn’t. It’s a simplistic, almost childish argument with no real logic behind it, but it worked. It was exactly what Arthur needed to hear.

Even though the fire had been lit for some time, Malam only appeared when Arthur had been cheered up while he was in the middle of talking about a point in his childhood where he found hope. I’m sure Faroe was a part of what led Malam to that fire, but Arthur’s newfound determination seemed to be the main lure.

And, of course, there’s Faroe. We know Malam can and has killed people in service of children. He did not harm Arthur. He simply spoke with him, granting him information and peace of mind. Faroe didn’t seem angry or resentful. She seems to be sticking around of her own free will. She believes in Arthur so much that Malam took notice and helped her help her father. Even after death, her belief in him empowered him to keep going in a tangible way.

If children represent hope, Faroe’s renewed presence has a double meaning. When she died, Arthur’s hope died along with her. All throughout the story, it was an accepted fact that she was dead and gone. Arthur had been without hope for a long time by that point. At least, he thought he had been. But even though Faroe was gone, she was with Arthur the whole time. Even if he couldn’t hear it or feel it, the hope was always there. The hope will always be there.

#malevolent #malevolent podcast #malevolent 45 #arthur lester malevolent #faroe malevolent #malevolent analysis

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xtraordinaryfangrl · 4 months ago

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S3 Allison Hargreeves is NOT Canon!

—

I finally bit the bullet and watched Episode 5 of TUA S3 - the episode where Allison borderline SA’s Luther and I have no idea what the writers were thinking when they wrote that into the script.

Actually, no, that’s the problem! They weren’t thinking!

Up until that point, I was genuinely enjoying this season. The Sparrows were annoying but intriguing characters. The Diego and Stanley dynamic was everything and seeing him as a legit father in the final season will break my heart. I loved Viktor (or V, as I affectionately call them) and his transition as well as everybody’s reaction. Especially Allison’s, and her comradery with him in those first few episodes made me feel things. BITTERSWEET THINGS. Their relationship has always been so interesting to watch and I’ve grown fond of them as a duo despite the tension and angst they’ve displayed throughout the show.

I felt the desperation Allison had to get her daughter back, the way it boiled and bubbled up to rage. I understood her motive and empathized with her pain, even agreed with her and the rest of the Hargreeves pack on the Harlan situation. I could see her delving deeper into her “Wandavison Era” and I was ready to side with her on everything, then THAT scene happened.

Her relationship with Luther always creeped me out because of their romantic history. They were raised together before they got together and called the same man father - which is just another weird layer to the incest trope. She forces him to kiss her when she could have just… threatened to rumor him? Or at the very least show she could still control one thing at that moment by making him stand still?? That would have driven her point across just fine, WITHOUT Jedi mind-tricking a non-consensual sexcapade???

What’s worse about Allison’s character assassination is that she most likely doesn’t see anything wrong with what she did, and neither does Luther because like the doe-eyed himbo he is - he immediately skips off to see Sloan as if he’s the male lead in some early 2000s rom-com! They didn’t see an issue with what happened because the writers didn’t see an issue, and that’s MY issue with this.

Nowadays, no matter how a story is told, everything is up to the audience’s interpretation. But sexual manipulation, depression, and other important topics that real people experience should not be treated as an ambiguous “oh it can be taken multiple ways” plot point.

If St*ve Bl*ckman or whoever mapped out Allison’s S3 journey was a competent screenwriter, they would have refocused her contempt on The Sparrows. And if they REALLY wanted to make her past with Luther a central point, they could have put her “you’re blowing me off for some knockoff you’ve known for five minutes?” line to good use by making Sloan her target instead of Harlan.

—

I don’t know. This was a whole rant and maybe none of it makes sense. But aside from the few good things to come from S3 (such as V coming out as trans and Diego/Lila pre-parenthood shenanigans), nothing else happens. Any “canon storyline” after S2 is an acid-laced fever dream as far I’m concerned.

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romsabombs · 2 months ago

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it's that time of the month again guys!

Malevolent part 47 The Hand live notes!!!

AMAZON AD👹 ANOTHER AD ANOTHER AD ANOTHER AD CAN WE JUST START THE EPISODE

FINALLY!!! um whats happening

are their asses still wandering aimlessly

six hours bruh 💀

a cage :/???

a what

a crime! no doubt!🤓

HAHA HE HAS THE PLAGUE i said yesterday That man probably has every disease by now

hes gonna die so bad guys hes a sick victorian child

ohhh john please carry me to the garden so i may see- um Hear the flowers one last time🤒

his sickness😟 i cant believe our actions have consequences

theyre ganging up on yorick😭

HAHA hes fine Physically me asf

"indescribable horrors" that doesnt stop john from describing every horror in immense detail

"we both have" im sorry john did you get stabbed like eight times🙄 this aint about you

💀he folded💀

HAHA so he wasnt lying damn😭 I KNEW IT blud was so ready to kill more children

john defending his comfort character

😟Sold Your Soul😟

"i offered myself to it" gayass

this speech goes so hard actually

NEW MUSIC NEW MUSIC

omg it sounds more hopeful now :((

aw he thanked arthur :)

god damn it yorick🙄

WHAT does the corpse have the hand

i mean they did pinky promise

HIS EYE 😦😦

loose enough to pry with ur fingers😨

yorick is building frankensteins monster i fear

MALEVOLENCE MENTIONED NO WAY NO WAYYYYYY NORWAY IS THIS WHY THE SHOW IS NAMED THIS

can yorick lie is that a thing😟😟😟

come on arthur you were a boyscout u can climb this easily

"the pole is wood" just like mine haha🙏🙏🙏🙏

theyre gonna start a forest fire😶

just throw something at it guys idk

omg a pin‼️ throw something at it!!

"excellent hypothesis my king🤓" "JOHN👹" "right!!🤓"

THEYRE GONNA THROW A ROCK YEAAAAA💥💥💥💥

hows he gonna throw when hes blind

why is he so good at throwing wtf

i guess we cant stay here throwing rocks for the entire episode

ALEXANDER :333

EUHGHH😟😟😟😟😟

DONT THROW ROCKS AT BIRDS THATS HOW THE HORRORS HAPPEN

maybe alexander isnt evil n hes just trying to protect us idk🤕

"i was never much for athletics" we can tell

theres gotta be a theme this season and its gotta be Children or Childhood or something

"if they could see me now" mmmm

WHAT IS THAAATT HUHHH

😨😨😨😨

WHAT IS THATTTTTTT WHAGAAT

maybe its just a freaky bird

hes so good at falling down holes

WHAT HAHA WE CANT RN😭😭

😦ERM? YORICK???????

KELLIN MENTIONED big day for gay people 🙏🙏

so was yorick always evil orrrr coz he said My King instead of john and yorick has called him john before

guys i think alexander might be the Not Evil one here

hand of malevolence would go so hard as like a window decoration

ur telling me john knew what a Hand of Malevolence was and didnt link it to the dark world

NOOO DUMBASS

ummm 😟 whats all this then

YORICK :3333 HIIII :3

what 😀

"john" :3

HAHA what is going on bruh

OMG WHAGT 😃😃😃 thats banger

"thank you i think"

:(( aw alexander IS evil :((((((

she? 🤕

OHHH IS IT LILITH IS IT LILITH PLS LILITH PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE

lilith and kayne are having a custody battle over them funny as hell

OHHH she was in the portal

TEEHEE WE'RE HER FAVORITE :33

dont confront her i feel

but theyre BOTH terrible at lying🤕

they're cooked i fear

hes DYING😟😟😟😟😟😟

An Owl Being Strange

flies are insects darling

they finally appreciate yorick :)

john we dont have time for this omg

HAHA silly asf

they have a safeword now

harlan's really making us work for it like im gonna forget this if they dont point it out

the candle has been running out for hours fr

nooo :( r we approaching the ending

how do we still have like 15 minutes left

HAHA this is so funny theyre roleplaying

theyre yes-and'ing like theatre kids

i mean i bet she noticed yall were gone for a solid 15 minutes

so is the king in yellow just not a threat anymore like did we defeat him i forgot

are we in an alternate universe then

i know far too much!🤓☝️

arthur caught the decima virus i fear

STOP COUGHING im so worried

arthur needs his vaccines fr

is he gonna faint

"and if i am sick-" "you are😐"

OH the ring

hes really gonna go over there and spread his plague around 🙄

i feel like arthur wont even make it to the castle🤒

he coughs like a dad

"lean on me" maybe if you had a physical form😐

oh fuck oh fuck oh fuck

we just have to wing it i guess

its WHAT😨

what is going on man 😟

UM😦🤕

WHAAT THATS IT? wtf

#malevolent #malevolent podcast #arthur lester #john doe #john doe malevolent #malevolentpod #malevolent 47 #arthur lester malevolent

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snarkyfivehargreeves · 3 months ago

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Thoughts on Allison, Luther & Five

Now I also have been moved to want to write something about the Hargreeves siblings and the importance or priority each of them give to their problems, what they're going through as opposed to everyone together.

Under the cut because ooops, it got a little bit out of hand here.

Look, I love Five dearly. He's snappy, smart and his wit's as sharp as a knife. He's a character I love very much. Not enough to say he doesn't have flaws. I know he does, and I've seen him make less than good decisions and I've seen him being somewhat insensitive, maybe a little abrasive. My point is, he's a flawed human being. So are the others.

That being said, I think it's really interesting to see over time (now that I'm almost done with Season 3, I've been able to see the progression of the characters and the way that each of them react to the things that happen to them) the way that Five and his siblings look at their situations. It just called my attention two particular instances.

1. Luther on the day of his wedding: I'll give it to him, it is his day and he doesn't want bad things to happen to ruin it. But (and maybe this just me), when he talked to Viktor and asked Viktor to make up with Allison, it didn't seem so much as 'Look, it would mean the world to me if I could see the two of you make up and not have this hostility between you' as it did 'This is my day, you should do this because I don't want you to be fighting. This is my day and this is what I want to ask for from you.' Also Viktor's 'Why should that be on my bucket list?' lends to that. It's just a little strange for me...And even later when Luther gets mad at Viktor and Allison and growls, "This is my day, behave for two hours. Don't ruin this for me" (paraphrasing ok). 2. Allison in...3x07? When she rumours Viktor: I understand that Allison has suffered and she's going through those painful things. But it did strike me when, in her upset, she looked at everyone and said something along the lines of that they aren't considering her pain, what she's going through. It seemed...it appeared to me, in my lowly opinion, that she's fixated on her hurts and the bad stuff going on in her life (which is natural, and it's just a thing that we do, when we hurt over things, we of all people feel it so much more because it's happening to us). I just don''t think she should have put that ABOVE all the other matters that they were discussing (might have been stopping Harlan, trying to stop the next fricking apocalypse because those poor people, they never get a break)

I could absolutely be wrong, and if I am, please folks, help a girl out and show me which episodes Five does do this. But I don't recall a moment where Five has vocalized painful shit that he's been through and asking or making a sort of comment as to why no one's paying any attention to this. It just came to my mind that when he landed back in the Academy after he set off those explosions...he had a shrapnel wound that he didn't breathe a word of to anybody. He actually ended up collapsing because he's losing too much blood when he, Diego and Allison are investigating Jenkins' house. He didn't speak a word about it. It just seems to me that the stuff that has happened to him, he definitely didn't make it a very big deal when speaking of it to his siblings (if he did at all).

For example, he snaps at someone about how he spent 45 years alone in the apocalypse. Now we suppose that really messed with his head and it wasn't an enjoyable experience for him. But he doesn't really talk to anyone about it. Okay, granted he avoids vulnerability like the plague and he'd rather die than do that. But then, there's another moment where he makes to Luther an offhand comment about the loneliness he felt. 'It does something to your head' or something like that. And also when he has his siblings gathered in Eliott's place and says 'You died, guys. I watched it. I want to forget it, but I can't.' There's some emotion there.

I mean maybe it's just not his personality to give any attention himself to the things that are hurting him (physically or emotionally) but I haven't seen him react to things the way that Luther and Allison have.

I'm not saying Five is a perfect, can-do-no-wrong character. Just what I've observed (and hah I miss things even in the simplest of settings so I could totally be wrong about all this, and in such a case, please ignore my nonsensical ramblings. XD)

It just caught my attention enough to write.

#the umbrella academy #five hargreeves #luther hargreeves #allison hargreeves #tua #tua meta

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you-can-be-what-you-want-to-be · 1 year ago

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People aren't mad because John/Arthur aren't canon, people are mad because the creator made fun of the fans that ship them in the Christmas special

I see… the post has been deleted

I’m just very used to being in bad fandoms where something as small as “I don’t ship them personally” is taken as a homophobic statement, and people have been saying forever if it’s not canon it’ll be queer bait, so I assumed which I maybe shouldn’t have done but with it coinciding with the “John is a child episode” it just made sense

now, I do have to say though, that while I don’t know a whole lot because I’m not on the Patreon, I was for awhile. Again take this with a HEAPING load of salt for that reason since I clearly don’t know the specific situation. Everything I’m going to say I will try to say from an objective viewpoint since I don’t know the situation and will only focus on the facts I do know.

But how is this new? For the karaoke creep special they keep calling it weird to call each other romantic terms. And when Arthur died by not sacrificing the little guy last season Harlan was ROUGH. He said anyone who voted to not sacrifice were children smashing dolls together, that they forgot the story they were in and hopefully this punishment would remind them that actions have consequences. He basically said this is your fault for being stupid. He ended up having to post a semi apology saying it’s eldritch horror story, it’s supposed to be about harshness and not knowing the consequences before hand, and that he teases his audience and that if they don’t like that this isn’t the right show for them. His phobia play through he did a bit as Arthur and John where he was like “and we are NOT doing anything in the shower no matter what the fan fictions say” “let them dream John”

I also would like to mention that word of god should be ignored in these stories and that Harlan does NOT have a PR team. Again I don’t know the situation. I don’t know if he was ad libing live, in which case he should be given more Lee way as self editing in the moment is hard, I don’t know how if he said the most vile stuff alive, or if he said something a little mean but harmless like the “no we are not doing this” “let them dream” or what. Maybe it is bad and he deserves to be roasted, idk.But making jokes about a non canon thing can be a normal thing, especially if it’s a thing people keep bugging you about.

I do know that fandom as a whole has a problem attacking people over though, being someone who frequently got called homophobic for headcanoning single characters as aro, this one specifically has already harassed him about this ship which I’m sure gets annoying, and that he has explicitly said he will poke fun on the Patreon, and that he has said Jarthur won’t happen, and that he is one guy without the means to sort through hate mail removed from situations and doesn’t have a PR team to tell him “hey this off the cuff joke is a bad idea”

all that being said, again I do not know what he said specifically. I think either way a lot of people need to reassess if this is the fandom for them. I’ve seen a lot of people only get into the show for shipping and then get mad when there’s eldritch horror and the attitudes of eldritch horror in the eldritch horror podcast. If he said something that bad then maybe consider getting out since he writes about delicate subjects and it will only get worse. If what he said wasn’t that bad and people are getting mad about being lightly teased but it wasn’t confrontational or homophobic, they might want to leave because that’s just what Harlan does, tease people, and it’s not new and will continue, especially about non canon stuff in his own work. And if you got into and are only staying for the shipping…. Yeah. If that’s the only thing you want maybe it’s time to move on.

and if you decide to stay, know that. Know and be warned ahead of time that you will be teased so it isn’t a surprise next time

edit: so I did get the full context quote and it’s literally just “we want to hang out together alone for Christmas” “platonically, as in canon” “oh of course of course.” This. This isn’t bullying. It’s a little tongue in cheek sure but the whole thing is just saying it isn’t canon. I’ve heard complaints on comments on this post about other stuff he’s done, which I don’t know much about but is also applicable. I did my best to say “either way, this is stuff related.” As someone who writes and has written things before where every single chapter people kept pushing for something I wasn’t going to write I get it. I’m not saying anything he might have done is right but I think it’s understandable at the very least, for a writer to be upset about his stuff being constantly misinterpreted and having fans try to push it where he doesn’t want it.

him reminding people it won’t happen is fine, especially when people keep accusing him of queer baiting. I still think what I said earlier stands even hearing other opinions, because although I can’t say either way, it seems like everyone who is upset says this is a repeated behavior, and if you stay you can’t be surprised by it every time. If it’s going to bug you you have to either be prepared for it to keep happening or leave.

That isn’t to say no one can be upset about anything else but this specific thing I don’t think is worthy of that. All he did was jokingly repeat canon in character (which is much better than like. Someone who keeps hinting at something and never giving it) in a teasing manner. He didn’t say anything negative about shippers, or anything homophobic, just said “hey remember kids, we aren’t into each other like that.” Which is. Fine. It’s annoying but it isn’t malicious.

If the issue is mods or his interactions with people say that. Don’t make it about him light heartedly going “don’t accuse me of queerbaiting.” it makes it so when actual issues like what people are talking about in the comments (if they’re legit, again I try to stay only in the actual content part and abstain from knowing about creators) come up no one takes them seriously because so many molehills were mountained.

If you’re pissed about how he talks to his fans say that, don’t make it about a lack of queer rep when he said day one there wouldn’t be any. Make it about the issue itself. You don’t mention that someone’s a domestic abuser for example after you say “and they have NO CHEESE in their house thats MONSTROUS who does that.” If you want to be taken seriously about a problem you focus on the thing that matters which is. Hurting people.

I guess at the end of the day I’m no one’s boss, but I am tired of not knowing what to believe or not when someone saying something like “no comment” on if characters they wrote are together is homophobia, or a character who’s been Described as a dick acting like one and then the creator gets accused of being shitty (random examples not to do with this specific fandom). If everything is a big deal that makes someone the worst when the subject is not actually hurting anyone… it’s exhausting. Idk anything about Harlan. At the end of the day I’m here for my little horror stories. But I will say definitively that I don’t think it’s bullying to say a ship is not canon and that to act like it is makes it impossible for people who actually care about morals and what someone is doing to keep the energy to stay that way without becoming part of a mob just taking people at their word.

If it upset you I’m sorry, it’s always disappointing when our take on media is dismissed, especially by the creator. And it’s fine to be disappointed. I get that. But don’t blow it out of proportion, and don’t make it about something it isn’t. If you’re upset about the quote say that it’s disappointing without saying it’s punching down. The author is dead and it’s one of the biggest podcast ships out there. If you’re upset about anything else make a post about that issue without tying it to this fun bonus non canon episode. You are allowed to be upset just and if it is about shipping: stop making someone disagreeing with you about a ship a big controversy. You can ship whatever you want regardless of canon and no one is trying to stop jarthur shippers, and if it isn’t about that stop making things about shipping if that’s not what it’s actually about.

#Discourse #malevolent #Masked

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bonzos-number-1-fan · 5 months ago

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TMAGP 23 Thoughts: Not Not NotThem

After quite the hiatus we're back with another guest writer. This time it's Harlan Guthrie of Malevolent fame. A show I likely won't ever get around to listening to but have heard nothing but good things about. So everyone go check it out if you liked this. This one is very obviously from a guest writer too. Its style and contents are pretty distinct from TMA. Which is not a bad thing by any means and it's a really great episode overall.

Spoilers for episode 23 below the cut.

There isn't a huge amount to dig into in the opening scene. I do like that the paperwork is a continuing process and it's pretty likely there will be some sort of pay of too it. Lena doesn't seem to be lying in this scene either. She really does seem to think that it's a prank. So assuming it's not a prank she doesn't seem to have as tight a grip on the office as she thinks she does. It's also interesting how engrossed it makes Sam but that might just be a character quirk rather than anything greater.

I really liked this incident but, honestly, I really don't have a load to say on this incident. I thought it was a really well written incident but quite explicit as incidents go and not a huge amount to dig into for larger puzzle pieces. It's also always tricky to know what's meaningful to the larger story when there is a guest writer. Jonny and Alex do give input but it's not like we know what that input is. Either way there is only two things I can think to mention here for it. The first is the time discrepancy in the post dates. The penultimate post comes a months after the final post. Which might not really mean much of anything to be honest. This is a doppelganger incident and those have typically had time discrepancies in them but the nature of this one doesn't lead to an easy explanation of that. So it might mean something, or it might be a mistake. I don't think it's a particularly important detail as of yet in either case.

The other bit in the mention of copper. Copper is a planetary metal, along with things like silver and mercury that have recently appeared, but the symbolic nature of those is a tricky subject to get into. Alchemy as a subject is mixed up with a lot of newer takes on things and so any its not always wise to assign too much in the way of importance to that. But that being said copper is the metal of Venus, both the planet and the god. Venus/Aphrodite obviously have some strong connection to this sort of incident. However part of the reason for copper being associated with Venus is copper's role as a metal to make mirrors from. That's a more compelling angle to this one for me. Alesis did pretty literally make their mirror double here.

Newman is a very on the nose name here too.

Sam and Celia's Institute sleuthing has not a whole lot of interest for me either if I'm honest. Basira and Helen are Basira and Helen, not much to say there until we meet them. The version of John and Martin Sam identified is weird though. It's weird in that it doesn't actually make any sense. He said they were "close to the right age" but that doesn't really track. It either means they were born at the right time, or died at the right time. But in either scenario it's sort of just nonsense. If they were born at the right time they died around 10. That's obviously possible but it raises a lot of questions about why Celia would be looking into some 10 year olds. If they died at the right age then they're offset by about 20 years which also doesn't track with anything else we've seen. The only other scenario is that she's not looking for TMP's John and Martin but rather TMA's as that could account for a time discrepancy but if that's the case neither of those ages are the right age. So all of that is probably a red herring.

Gwen and Alice opening up to each other is really nice to see too. Even though they do both hate each other outside of Sam and Alice they're the characters with the most history and it's great to see that having some weight. There isn't anything new here from our perspective, other than [Error] having too many eyes but that's not a big shock, but it's nice that the characters are actually talking about this stuff. It did seem pretty likely that they'd all be having their own insular adventures around the mid-season point but having them all come together like this is a nice thing to see.

I’ve not been “arsey”- bzzt

10/10

Great ep all around.

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Incident/CAT#R#DPHW Master Sheet and Terminology Sheet

DPHW Theory: 3536 seems pretty normal to me on this one. The more data I get the less I feel like anything comes up that needs explaining in my theory. Beyond the initial shift from my conceptions of these groups as fears to broader thematic elements I think this is proving to be pretty rock solid now. I'll keep this section around but I do think there will be not much of interest in these at this point.

CAT# Theory: 13 is great for my "It's not People/Places/Objects" essay. There wasn't an object in this one. Coral are animals and so count as people, the host is person, the Not Not NotThem also a person. If you say that animals count as objects it creates large problems in the theory. I really should have a sit down to puzzle this one out.

R# Theory: BC is interesting because initially I thought that was a bit low as the most similar case to this format was RedCanary's and that's AB. But that also had a lot more interaction and photos included which would bump it up for my theory there. So this one does actually check out.

Header talk: Transformation (Dysmorphic) -/- Doppleganger (Infection) is very peculiar. Daria's incident has a very similar header but Dysmorphic was the crosslink and Full was the subsection. Hard to know if it means anything but it's interesting in some sense of the word.

#the magnus protocol #tmagp #tmagp theory #tmagp speculation #klaus = kl4-u5

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arthurtaylorlester · 1 year ago

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i’m going to have to be honest, i don’t think today’s episode was very good.

of course, there were bits i loved as is with every malevolent episode, like jarthur saying each other’s names like that and arthur styling his hair after clark gable and john remembering, john literally acting like trying to kill oscar was nbd :), it was all very endearing.

but man. some of the other stuff threw me off so bad. there were NO STAKES, any sense of urgency created was immediately destroyed by jarthur literally talking their feelings out. one second is literally jumping on walls like a rabid dog, the next he’s calmly communicating with john and then he’s acting superior and calling him a child.

like, we’ve seen what triggers arthur’s erratic behaviour (usually a distinct lack of john) and how he acts when he’s like that, and sorry but just don’t think this was a case of that.

furthermore, arthur calling john was weird. not in the oh no! is john is canonically a child so you cant ship him with anyone because fuck that, that was not the implication, but in the sense that i think it was incredibly ooc of arthur to say that. like, he recognised that yellow was Like That because he was awful to him, not because he was a child. so why is he saying this to john? he says john can’t handle his emotions, which yeah because he can only talk to you which john makes very clear. arthur says its unfair for john to expect that he never speak to anyone again, but that’s not even what john asked. he doesnt want to be ignored and rather be included, which is a totally reasonable thing to ask for! he even says to arthur when he’s going off the rails that he’s used to being ignored by arthur by now and i don’t think this is another manipulation tactic.

seems like both of them forgot the main goal of the show: separating john from arthur without the king taking him back.

the friendship breakup with oscar at the end was ridiculously tacked on and in my opinion shouldve been the beginning of the next episode. but no, obviously that couldn’t have been done since the next episode is the season finale.

which brings me to my next qualm: this is a terrible penultimate episode. penultimate episodes are supposed to raise the stakes higher than theyve been the whole season so the finale is literally unhinged. and malevolent has been excellent at doing that (see: part 27 the roots). But all this episode does is nullify the stakes, we’re not looking forward to anything next episode. John and arthur are in their healing era (there was no divorce this season let’s be real), theyve left oscar, the stone is gone, the butcher is in police custody and daniel is fine.

so how is the season supposed to end with them (presumably) in the dark world? around a year ago, harlan said dark world arc soon. when is soon.

the lack of stakes in s4 has been a persistent problem for me i think, most conflict has been resolved either within the episode or soon after, especially jarthur relationship problems, which are like the core of the show

don’t get me wrong, i’m not saying i dislike s4, i love it, especially the first half, i think part 31 is the best malevolent episode to date. it’s just that with how well written it’s been, i was taken aback by this one just being…. ok?

i think that because every malevolent episode is such a banger, this one kind of being all over the place, especially with arthur’s characterisation, is kinda disappointing? ofc, ik basically all of harlan’s fam and himself were sick during november + they had a whole baby, so i’m hoping the shift in quality was a circumstancial thing.

#masked #malevolent #unhinged aromantics #malevolent podcast #arthur lester #john doe #oscar malevolent

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henrysglock · 11 months ago

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Henry is 7 — Unloved Boys, Killer Parents, and Non-Linear Time.

I'm not sure how many of us out there are up to date on our "media that features Captain Midnight" lore, but tonight I want to talk about Jeffty is Five, a short story by Harlan Ellison, as it relates to Henry Creel circa 1952.

Jeffty Kinzer and his best friend, Donny, were five. They were huge comic book fans, especially of Captain Midnight. But then Jeffty was five, and Donny was seven. After that, Jeffty was five and Donny was fourteen. You see where I'm going with this, no? Jeffty is perpetually five years old.

Because of his peculiarity, his parents resent him.

Jeffty's mother, Leona, specifically, dislikes him most...to the point she wishes he'd died as a baby.

Jeffty, for his part, is a good kid, despite the barely-hidden dislike he's shown. He has a secret hideout under the porch of his house, where he draws, reads comics, and listens to radio shows.

There's something strange about Jeffty, though (aside from the not-aging, and specifically linked to his not-aging). He can bring new pieces of the past into the future. Discontinued radio shows have new episodes, discontinued comics have new issues, and new merch is made for shows that no longer exist.

Specifically, Ellison writes about Jeffty bringing a brand-new Captain Midnight Secret Decoder Code-O-Graph into the future:

Donny talks about how living these new-past experiences via Jeffty thins the membrane between worlds, between Past and Present.

There's a problem, though. Exposing Jeffty to the Present eats away at him. In an attempt to hurry Jeffty away from the Present, Donny sends him off by himself to get tickets for the movie they're meant to see. Along the way, Jeffty gets roughed up by some older teens. Instead of taking him to a hospital, Donny takes him home to his parents.

Spotting the chance to take back a normal life and live in the present...Leona kills Jeffty in the family bathtub, playing present-day rock music over the radio.

Now, something I was struggling to answer in my big Time Loop Post was the question of "What happened in 1952, when Henry was 7?"

Jeffty, Joseph and Joseph, Henry and Henry: Changelings

Jeffty's now-grown friend, Donny, misses the way things were in the '50s, when he and Jeffty were little. He'd like things to go back to the way they were...

...and he gets that through Jeffty's time-bending powers.

Jeffty has a hideaway spot in his family home where he hides away from his resentful, fearful mother to draw, read comics, and listen to the radio:

Jeffty, whose mother wishes he'd died as a baby because he's precluding her from having a "normal" life...

And who killed him in a bathtub.

Another detail to add—Patty asks Henry if he isn't a little old to be as obsessed as he is with Captain Midnight, as if being a fan is something for little kids.

I'd like, then, to put this is all in concert with:

The Creel-Carmichael parallels per Changeling (1980), wherein Joseph, a disabled boy who's resented by his father, Richard, is locked away in his attic. Richard drowns Joseph in a bathtub at age 6, and replaces him with a "normal" boy. This "normal" boy is mostly convinced he's the real Joseph Carmichael until the end of the movie.

2. Em's Doppleganger TFS Henry theory (which suggests that at some point Henry was replaged with a dopple-gorgon who almost believes he's the real Henry Creel). 3. Em's post about Before I Wake (wherein a little boy drowns in a bathtub and is replaced by a new boy with strange abilities). 4. (A post I have yet to make, regarding) Parallels between ST and the show Servant, wherein a new mother accidentally kills her newborn son, Jericho, by forgetting him in a locked car during a heatwave. She's given a hyperrealistic baby-doll as a replacement in order to cope, which their nanny Leanne magically transforms into a real baby boy. ST5's code name is Jericho, and other parallel to the series include (but are not limited to): psychic powers, spiders, stalker cults, murderous yet somehow well-meaning nannies, and giant cracks opening up in the earth (psionically).

Thus, my hypothesis: I wonder if we aren't dealing with a matryoshka-doll-meets-Fringe type situation, wherein Henry died/was killed at age 7, was replaced by or swapped for another boy (like Peter Bishop...staring directly at Peter Owens/Peter Ballard) via the 1979/1952 incident, and then was swapped again with a doppleganger via the 1956 gate.

#pure speculation in the hypothesis bit...but *no doubt* in my mind that Jeffty is Five was an inspiration for Henry's backstory #st: tfs #Jeffty is Five #henry creel

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