#Haha I'm making puns

[transparentgayprotector]

Lazerus water is Poop water.

Okay hear me out.

Hear me out, Lazerus water is always compared to sewage in DpxDc fanon, why not go all the way?

Danny might have to destroy some Lazarus Pits because of the Rats but he's not happy about it.

Since he always said they stink can I tell you what I think they are to him and everyone else in the Infinity Realms?

Pariah Darks Poop and Pee. He was the only one who didn't have a sewage system because he was too busy being a bitch.

That's why the color is different, like digested food looks different out of your body.

Danny can tell people when they finally ask him that too.

Danny: Yeah they're bathing in the waste of the old King. The reason your acting like shit is because you've got literal shit in your chest. Gross.

The Old King was a big gu who most likely had a some holes he would just poop in on some random dimensions planet.

When the pits were put there, humans probably were small in number, and many animals stay away from waste matter in large quantity, except Rats and roaches, which The League of Assassins are now.

Damian attitude changed because he got away from the sewage and started eating Real food(Natural Ecto).

Jason was dumped in Shit after being brought back to life by the natural Ecto, but Gotham is so cursed he kinda needed a minute to process his food because he was given too much, Like a feast when your stomach is small.

That's why his mood swings were so severe. He was given good food then forced to eat shit. He's constantly trying not to vomit (pit rage) because he'll lose the good food too and probably die again. Or constipated. Yeah he's also ghost constipated because of the Lazerus Pit.

Anyway, essentially The League of Assassins are Rat people, Ra's is the King of the Rats and Now Danny has to deal with them.

Will Danny's poop do the same thing? No, because he's half human and poops in much smaller quantities than a guy the size of a building while using a proper sewage system in his paranoid parents house.

They most likely do something to the sewage anyway. Danny too after he looks at the Rat People bathing in ghost poop.

Plus, he never uses the Bathroom in his ghost form, only him human one.

[sysig]

Enecomimi Banzaiiii (Patreon)

[salamispots]

a little wip; wondering if I should open a storeenvy + printful down the line

[torra-and-the-toons]

I'm like 70 episodes into the original show and I'm absolute appalled they never made use of this pun, not even in the reboot!

Guess I gotta do some things myself around here.

Honestly, having it written out kinda spoils the magic of the pun but you know what? I don't care, I made it anyways.

[mad-hunts]

the concept of barton having this inside joke with mister freeze where every other time he sees him, he goes ' hey, go on!! DO THE THING ' to him. and it seems victor immediately knows what he's talking about, because he just begrudgingly shoots his freeze ray at something (which causes barton to whistle and hype him up and stuff JSJSJ) is SO funny to me for no reason 💀 like he would put someone who's trying to just save his wife on a pedestal. and he would also say hi to him every time he passes by like victor is the bees-knees or something, but then proceed to say 'fuck off' right after to joker or something LMAOO

[seventh-district]

not even gonna tag this properly bc i don't wanna get Involved but i do have some Thoughts i need to get out into the void so here we go

(aaa quick edit: CW for mention/discussion of Boothill leaks)

[silverselfshippingchaos]

hi, ash! i'd love to hear about your ffxv s/i and your ship with gladio! also, what does iris think about your s/i? :O

YAY!! I love talking about this kind of stuff!!!

(Some talk of death, injury, drowning, a bit of blood + spoilers for the game)

F.FXV Ash was born in the Crown City to two members of the Crownsguard (eventually the Kingsglaive). Ever since she was young, Ash was always fed this idea that her kingdom was amazing. She loved her home so much and she wanted to grow up there forever with her parents and her sister. It all changed when she was 16. She parents were killed in combat.

(In Episode A.rdyn, there's a boss fight against two soldiers... Those were her parents.)

Ash stayed in the city long enough to graduate high-school, but after that, she just couldn't keep going. She felt hollow and empty inside. The murder of her parents shattered her in every single way possible, wrecked her faith and her love to kingdom, ruined her life. She's messed up.

And so, Ash leaves. She makes a name for herself as a monster hunter, drifting from town to town and protecting the people. She comes to be known as Eos' Rose. Beautiful, but with thorns too. She didn't choose to be called The Rose, it's just that part of her outfit is a long, red coat. I still need to work out the details of her outfit and all that, but she has a red coat and quite a few earrings. She has a chain threader going through two lobe piercings on one ear, and a dangling rose earring on the other. Both silver.

(Whenever she was about 20, she met a lonely chocobo chick. This chocobo stays with Ash for a long time. She is a green chocobo named Sage. Sage is Ash's companion and best friend. Sage is very friendly to everybody, but she has a distaste for Gladio and has tried to bite him on multiple occasions. She succeeded once, but more on that later.

Again, Sage is naturally green. Prompto asks about this once.

"Hey, Ash! Why is your chocobo green?"

"Well, I dunno, Prompto. Why are you blond?"

It gets a good chuckle out of everyone.)

Anyways, early into the game, the Chocobros run into Ash! She actually draws her sword on Noct at first and then she realizes "holy shit, you're the prince. Oh my god, I tried to kill the prince. Oh no, oh no, oh no-"

It's a bit of a funny moment, but she ends up allying with the bros and she gets especially close with Gladio. They get along really well, both protectors of people and absolutely dorks too.

Ash is a gamer, so she gets along well with Prompto and Noct. They actually all played Kings Knight together online! So it's a bit of a "WAIT WE'RE KINGS KNIGHT MOOTS?!" whenever they finally meet. She gets along really well with Ignis too! Ash is very close with all of the gang. It's not long before her and Gladio are falling in love, kissing and sharing Cup Noodles under the stars.

And as for Iris, Iris ADORES Ash! Looks up to her as the big sister she never had. Iris thinks Ash is so cool and strong! And she tells Gladdy that if he breaks her heart, she'll kick his ass! Ash really loves Iris too. She was always the youngest in her family too, so it means a lot to her to be able to be an older sister figure to someone. Ash teaches Iris a bit about how to use a sword too.

Anywho, back to the plot.

Ash accompanies the bros whenever they go onto the boat to Altissia. Her and Gladio have a sweet, romantic date there. But that happiness doesn't last. It's been a bit of a running joke that Ash doesn't know how to swim.

The last thing Gladio expected was to lose her.

As Altissia falls, Ash sacrifices herself to save Gladio and Prompto. They both have to watch as Ash falls from a bridge and into the water. They watch as Ash dies. But there's not enough time to save her. Prompto sobs, Gladio screams in horror. Ash is content. She's going to die protecting the people she loves, right? It's not that cute and her almost drowning to death was the scariest moment of her life. She's choking and gasping for air, trying to grab any rubble she can just to stay alive.

Ash isn't seen again for a while. It's part of the reason why Gladio lashes out on the train—he's mourning his girlfriend's death. Whenever he's sitting there across the table from Ignis, you can hear him crying.

However, a few chapters later... Guess who comes back. She's injured, has scars on her face, and her coat is in tatters. Gladio hugs her and cries, Ash tells him to loosen up a bit since she has a few cracked ribs.

"What's the matter? Not a fan of ghosts?"

Gladio tells her that this isn't the time to crack jokes, but he hugs her so tight. She was alive. She was okay.

(However, during this time, Gladio actually found Sage and told her that Ash was dead. Sage bit him hard that day.)

But... How exactly did Ash survive..?

That gets explained in Episode Ignis. I won't talk about Ash's involvement in every DLC just to not make this to lengthy, but in Iggy's... Ravus sees her drowning. He grabs her out of the water and onto land. He's not gentle about it, and the impact of being thrown against rubble isn't great for Ash's bones, but she's alive. Ash is nursed back to health by the survivors of the town. There's a lot more detail there, but that's the gist of what happens.

Ash's relationship with Ravus is fascinating. They bond quite a bit and have a chat under the stars much later, right before Ash reunites with Gladio. I had to dig through like two years worth of discord messages for this but it went something like this

Oh and you know that level that's just Gladio and Ignis? Yeah, Ash is there too. She cusses out Ardyn actually. Although I really like Ardyn, my S/I doesn't. He makes a comment that she's quite grown up now. You know how he gets those flashbacks of peoples' memories after he kills people in his DLC? He saw an image of a little girl with red glasses. And here she was, a grown woman.

She breaks off from the group before the Ravus fight. I don't want her to see him like that.

Anyways, then timeskip rolls around. Whenever Noct arrives at Hammerhead is met with a familiar "kweh-kweh!". Sage greets Noct after ten long years, and then Ash runs over. They have a cute hug scene.

However, Ash's outfit is different. Not only is her hair curly (pre-ts Ash had it straightened), but she's wearing... Kingsglaive armor?! Her outfit is vaguely inspired by Crowe from Kingsglaive, but Ash had become a soldier. Not just to follow in her parents' footsteps, but because she had spent her whole life feeling lost and she had finally found a purpose. Traveling with Noct and Co had made her realize that her life had a purpose. She wanted to spend her life protecting her kingdom.

After her parents died, she didn't know what to do with herself. Noct was both her best friend and her king. Noct says that the Kingsglaive outfit looks good on her. It makes her smile. Ash had finally come home to Insomnia, and she had finally found what she was meant to do.

Before the gang leaves, she gives Noct a long hug and tells him to come back alive. She gives Gladio a kiss too.

And that's basically it!

[king-of-men]

Eh. We get Aragorn's words as reported by Frodo to Bilbo after many Eventful Days, written down by Bilbo being consciously A Chronicler Of Important Events, and translated into English by a certain professor of linguistics with an IQ of 145 and an obsession with the uses of language. That's enough layers of transmission to flip a register just by random cosmic ray hits. I wouldn't unquestioningly assume that orcs spoke Loik Dat or that Gollum insisted on speaking exaggerated working-class sociolect in the presence of gentlemen, either.

Of course you are free to object that the historical Aragorn may well have spoken only in rhyming diss tracks, but you're talking about the Aragorn delivered to us by Frodo/Bilbo/Tolkien, and that gentleman talks in a particular, very formal register. That's an entirely fair objection! Just make sure that the writer you're talking to has the same person in mind.

He Would Express Those Sentiments, But Not In That Vocabulary

[jamesthecharizard]

Sorry if the post spam is annoying

[dailysiffrin]

✦ DAY 126 ✦

So I WAS going to do another meme today but I finished Great God Grove yesterday and had a GREAT (pun intended) idea for how to turn Siffrin into a God from that game and HAD to put my idea to paper.

Here they are! The God of Acting, Siffrin! I tried to come up with a unique name, but couldn't, haha.

Some design notes below the cut!

Firstly, I wanted to make sure they had no proper "face", instead replaced by a rotating set of masks, that all showcase a different set of emotions. So, for example, one is happy/positive emotions, one is sad emotions, one is angry emotions, etc.

Their "wizard" garb is a fun play on "stage magic"! Had to make sure Siffrin had their iconic look so I'm happy this worked out.

I wanted to focus on "duality" a bit for other elements, such as the sun and moon in the inside of their hat.

The sun's rays are supposed to be a little bit like a spotlight! I like to imagine when they're feeling more negative, their hat droops the other way, making the moon more prominent, instead.

Their cloak is supposed to look like stage curtains!

Their body is basically just a floating torso, made up of a black void, dotted with stars. Fun play on the word "star" meaning multiple things + of course, it's Siffrin. So. There has to be stars SOMEWHERE.

I also like that their body is hidden behind their cloak most of the time, as a representation of the "man behind the curtain", heh.

[sysig]

For the last day of requestober, can you please draw something spooky/scary with Negative RGB? With all the cool lighting stuff you've been doing recently, I think it could be very dramatic, and I'd love to see him in your style!

Day 31 -Pl̷̼͙̯̼̟̈́͒̃̓͆e̵̢͔̞̤̯͗as̴̨͆̒̏e dö̸̧̢̝̳́͝ not̸̨̞͔̗͆̔͝ͅ ̶̦̋͒a̵̪͋̉̈́̒djus̶̪͔͎̘͈̍́̂̅̚t yö̶̙̺͎́͘u̷͚̙̿̓͆r sc̸̙͍͒rę̸̰̺̣̿̓͌̔̎en̴̏̈́͊ͅ

[tizeline]

Helloo! I have interesting question >:]. So you know how Donnie's battleshell gets absolutely shredded in the first shredder battle in the show? (pun intended) Welll since his battleshell is way less protective, will his shell actually get hit and scarred? Also will Raph, Leo, and Mikey see this if it happens, maybe even making Mikey rethink his morality a slight bit? (Not fully probably but just a small lapse in judgement). Also I love this AU!

ARGH okay so I'm having a real hard time figuring out how the events of the beginning of season two is gonna go down in the AU!!

Cuz like. Yeah. If Donnie isn't wearing proper armour then uh YIKES. OWIE. And here's the thing, I really like the headcanon that Donnie in canon actually did get hurt but Shredder in that scene, not very serious injuries, but that his shell still got a bit sliced lol. Again, Shredder absolutely DEMOLISHED his battle shell so it wouldn't be particularly suprising.

But also uh if Shredder attacks TSAU!Donnie as fiercely as he does in canon then uh I think that would actually just fucking kill him lmaooo his softshell doesn't stand a CHANCE. So regardless, that scene would go down differently in the AU anyway. And I don't want to give Donnie a life-threatening injury anyway (well at least not until the movie teehee) so IF he gets injured it'll probably be pretty minor. But regardless of the severity, Donnie's brothers would probably freak out anyway haha.

[emsartwork]

ALL OF DAPHNE'S TRANSFORMATIONS. INCLUDING UPDATED NYMPHIX.

Previously Fairy of the Dragon Flame now Fairy of Embers. She doesn't have any transformations others than these because she was fast tracked into the nymphix path, and unlike the winx the majority of fairies don't pursue additional transformations past enchantix. (i think Daphne would be interested in Dreamix tho, so maybe I'll draw that eventually.

Her major color shifted after dying and being revived, which is shown in her winx and enchantix.

other lore and design notes below!

I changed her major color from orange/yellow to more of a teal/green because. she just doesn't look good in yellow I'm sorry I really tried but it wasn't working. Also little updates to her hair color, nothing huge tho. Daphne's primary motifs are a branching "Y" shape and a double oval/tear drop. She's a pants when possible girlie and a one set winger(yes her nymphix looks like it have multiple wings but they all merge into one stem on each side) . Her scars from her Sirenix being ripped out of her caused her winx/enchantix to change a little to cover them(mostly seen in the arms) due to insecurity. Her Dryadix/nymphix flower is a daffodil! because pun Daph-Daff, and Daffodils symbolize rebirth and new beginnings (also creativity, energy, resilience, forgiveness and vitality). Her Harpix wings aren't super specificly patterned, but she has darting wings common in small song and seed birds (robins, finches, brown birds etc.) the coloring is referential of a Shrike (also called a Butcher Bird), because Daphne was. incredibly dangerous and if she had sided with the ancestral probably would have been given a moniker similar to Butcher of Domino or Daphne the Slaughterer. (some people do call her these but its mostly among people who dislike Domino/The Royal Family.)

Lore! Daphne doesn't have a great sense of self, she was planned as a necessary successor to Marion/the dragon flame in a period as the ancestral witches were escalating their attacks and search for the dragon flame. Bloom was a back up baby in case both Daphne and Marion got dead and basically worked as intended haha. Daphne was also much more publicly involved in the kingdom than many of the other royals in winx (Stella, Aisha, Krystal and even Galatea to an extent all had rather sheltered upbringings) in a way Daphne is much more like Sky and Thoren in the since that none of them really had the space to develop their own personality outside of their familial duty.

Daphne's 1st winx and enchantixes are as direct a copy of her mom's Enchantix as you can get with transformations, right down to the more greenish tint of her major color. Growing up Marion used her fairy form liberally, so that, combined with being the next Dragon Flame holder left a deep impact on Daphne's subconscious. Daphne was also heavily influenced by Faragonda during her Alfea and Nymphix Quest years, but since she was older this isn't as deep an influence. After being revived, Daphne's years of defining herself as her connection to Bloom causes her major color to shift more blue in response to her trauma. Daphne is slowly starting to develop a sense of self outside of her titles/connections but it's unlikely her major color will shift again unless she has another major trauma.

(for the record the Winx do have trauma over the timeline I have laid out that would potentially cause their major colors to shift but I didn't do that for a couple reasons 1, their colors are iconic and make them easily recognizable as characters; 2, I'm a tired bitch. )

[funkyt-t]

There's this joke at the early parts of Gideon the ninth where Gideon is making fun of necromancers, as one does, and she says some dumb joke about bone studies with Doctor Skelebones. And on a fist read I was like "haha gideon is a himbo, very silly." But then throughout that chapter the narration keeps bringing up Doctor Skelebones and i'm like "This joke isn't worth that much page presence what's going on."

I was on the verge of being actually annoyed with it until I realised: it's not the book that thinks "bone studies with Doctor Skelebones" is a such an amazing joke that it deserve a call back every two paragraphs, it's fucking Gideon. Gideon is so fucking proud of this pun that it keeps bouncing around in her head for the rest of the chapter, probably because she can't actually say it due to the whole vow of silence thing.

I think that was the moment that got me hooked on tlt. I don't think it has the best prose or the best worldbuilding, but the characters are absolutely amazing. Not only they're incredibly interesting in their personalities and interactions, but they feel almost alive as you read the books.

In the end bone studies with Doctor Skelebones was an amazing pun and it did deserve all that screentime.

[ednaeflowers]

okay. not bad, not bad—but if edna is anything, it would be a spartan. ( at least, for the sake of comedy. )

❛  all right, now give me three more and you better add some zeal to it. this is now edna's comedy camp. i won't tolerate slackers. if you can't dish out puns fast enough without pause, then you still have a long way ahead of you. after you finish your puns, i better see you working on your tongue-twisters. i want five of those too. if that's too hard, then you can practice the normincarena.  ❜

" HOW cruel of you ! " magilou feigned the act of someone who had suffered a grave wound before swiftly picking herself up. she may be falsely accused, but she was still a performer and when told to give adequate puns it was time to act up. " did you know even if a grizzly wore shoes he'd still have bear feet! if towels could tell jokes they would probably have dry humour! i dropped my toothpaste, i'm crestfallen! if a kid won't take a nap is that 'resisting a rest?' Straws are for suckers! "

[six-eyed-samurai]

SUMMARY: Hitoshi has never been so annoyed by his new cat stealing your attention from him and ruining all your dates. A/N: I'M SO SORRY I LET THIS COOK IN MY DRAFTS FOR SO LONG AND I GOT LAZY AT THE END @/katsukistofu anyways, actual A/N: the cat's name can be interpreted as a reference to the Apothecary Diaries or a pun on meowing or in Chinese literally catcat WARNINGS: Mentions of poop (it's cat, what'd you expect) and probably very OOC Hitoshi (forgive me I haven't finished MHA)

Hitoshi wanted to throttle everyone in the room and then himself. Not the best way to start your mornings.

“Everyone in the room” was actually just his cat. Of course you could count Eri and Aizawa downstairs but in truth the only one Hitoshi wanted to actually (not really) throttle was the cat. Possibly himself later too when you inevitably get mad/laugh at him.

He doubted the cat in question knew that though. Or if Maomao knew that she didn't care. Hitoshi side eyes her from the mirror, still in the process of getting ready. She continues her washing on his bed, either very obliviously or very smugly.

Hitoshi liked cats. Loved and adored them, in fact. But ever since THIS particular, traitorous feline waltzed into his life he might make an exception.

It probably started when he introduced Maomao to you. He'd been pretty worried to how his new pet would take to you, because if his beloved girlfriend and precious cat didn't get along he'd get another reason for insomnia. Thankfully however, you had immediately fallen for the innocent-looking Calico, getting on your knees at once to pet and coo and fawn over her. Maomao, in turn, ate it up and made a huge racket when you had to leave eventually. So far, so good - until Maomao decided to subsequently betray the one who had adopted her and be a gigantic (beep)block.

Only Eri believed him when he was complaining about how every time he tried to cuddle you, bam, Maomao was there to yowl and get in between. Wanna kiss? Um, no, Maomao just had to run into your legs and beg for head pats. Close the door and sleep without her? Nah, no, nope, she stayed outside wailing and scratching. Enjoy a movie night? Haha, Maomao thought not, so of course she tipped over the popcorn bowl on purpose, right?!

One time Hitoshi gave you a kitty plushy that resembled Maomao. The cat in question (jealously, he swore to the wide eyed Eri) stole it and it still hadn't been found; she took a dump right beside her litter box to be petty as well.

You ate it up. You succumbed to her cute, beseeching eyes to hug HER (and not him), let her get in the middle of you two on the couch (you even shooed him away to make room) and the audacity! You always complained if he took up most of the blanket you two were sharing, and when Maomao hogged up everything? You let her.

He couldn't believe how you utterly believed the cat's obviously jealous, possessive nature. The nerve of Maomao, to steal his girlfriend when he was the one to rescue her!

While Eri believed him completely, no matter how cute she was it wasn't going to give him much credibility.

Therefore, as Hitoshi suspiciously watched Maomao saunter out of his bedroom, he was going to come up with a plan to FINALLY get some long overdue kisses, dates and affection from you without Maomao interrupting.

STEP 1: Begin by showing the cat who's boss.

Hitoshi glared viciously at the creature who had first crawled in between you and him, therefore interrupting yet another cuddle session before demanding you to go get her some more treats as if he hadn't just fed her an hour ago. To top it off Maomao was now triumphantly meowing at him and pawing at the plushy you had gifted him.

“You're not getting that. You might have my own girlfriend wrapped around your paw but you and I know what you're REALLY like.” Hitoshi wondered if his mind control extended to animals, particularly the one now hissing at his reluctance to hand over the plushy.

“First you steal my girl and now you want my plush? That's low, even for you.” The cat's eyes widened innocently as Hiroshi's narrowed. “Let's not forget who rescued you from the streets, Mao. Or who's been changing your kitty litter, feeding you or bought you all those toys. Remember I'M the one paying for all your vet and grooming visits. So the least you can do is at least let me enjoy one movie night with my girlfriend, thanks, instead of hogging up everything.”

Huh. He didn't actually think that would work. Maomao looked disdainful but trotted away.

You reappeared, holding a bowl of popcorn and setting down a bowl of Maomao’s cat food. “Hey, where'd she go?”

“Somewhere.” Somewhere where she was probably throwing a tantrum, Hitoshi meant, but he grabbed you and managed to spend a pleasant two hours getting snuggled and teasing you about your overreactions to the movie.

Then Maomao jumped on him and spilt the leftover popcorn everywhere before walking off proudly.

STEP 2: Attempt to appease your feline by providing them with more affection, food and playtime. Your cat may simply be feeling left out.

In other words, bribery was his next method.

Bribery and spoiling, really. For the next three days Hitoshi did his utmost best - Maomao was fed nothing but her favourites, Hitoshi bought her a new toy which they spent countless hours playing with, he let her nap in his bed, Eri helped him pick out a new collar, blah blah blah. Everyone absolutely showered Maomao with attention and affection. So far she seemed very pleased with herself, strutting her around with her tail swishing and purring loudly for all to hear.

Surely, surely, she wouldn't mess with the study session you and him were going to have, right? Right?

Hitoshi was beginning to believe that as time passed; the both of your heads were bent forward, trying to make sense of maths. The click of pens, the flipping of pages, the crunch of your third bag of chips were the only sounds around. He wasn't worried about Maomao’s silence either - she couldn't possibly be causing trouble while sleeping in a patch of sunlight.

“I think we did a pretty good job, ‘Toshi.” You stretched your arms, yawning exaggeratedly. “Not to be lazy but I really want a snack. Something grape flavoured.”

Hitoshi raised his eyebrows, lifting his eyes away from his essay. “No.”

“Oh come on, don't act like you're not hungry, I heard your stomach growling-”

“No as in I know exactly what “snack” you want. Enough eating those grape gummies. You're addicted.”

“Hitoshi!” You whined. “Stop outing me!”

In the end you both compromised with a bag of sour cream chips each, no sharing. Well, no sharing from your end, really - Hitoshi gave in with a sigh as you leaned towards him with puppy dog eyes when your bag empties, feeding you the chips. Maomao awakens and decides to drop by, meowing for the crumbs as well. Hitoshi shoos her away from his books, informing her she’s already eaten and he wasn’t even sure if cats could eat sour cream. Maomao sulks when he gives the chip she wanted to you instead.

But it turns out it’s Hitoshi that’s left sulking as Maomao leaps onto the table and knocks over his coffee all over the desk and steals the chips. While he won’t admit it to you or Maomao or anyone - yes he’s concerned about the sour cream thing and wasted half an hour researching if his stupid cat was going to be okay.

STEP 3: If that fails try asking someone else to care for your cat while you both are away.

“Don’t forget to feed Maomao, she’s not supposed to have-”

“Hitoshiiii! I know!” Eri makes a face, hugging the cat close to her chest as she rolls her eyes and pouts. “Trust me, Maomao’s my cat as well!”

“Yeah, but you’re still taking her to your friend’s house, so I don’t want anyone getting into trouble.”

“Quit being a worrywart! Go have fun with your loooooooover!”

“You know what, the faster you leave, the happier I’ll be,” Hitoshi grumbled, pushing Eri out of the door gently to where Aizawa was waiting impatiently. “Shoo, homewrecker.”

“Bye, Hitoshi!”

“Good riddance.” He gives her a side hug anyway. Maomao hisses, annoyed she was being forced to leave. Hitoshi paid her no mind, seeing as she had been throwing hissy fits all day as if she knew you were coming and Maomao wouldn't be around.

You come over soon, exclaiming over the loss of his cat’s company, but you get over it quickly. You both have the house to yourself, after all, and the freedom to do whatever you wanted until Aizawa came back. Hitoshi's guardian needn't have been suspicious of you both getting up to no good however; you both wound up wasting most of your time making dinner - a shockingly complicated recipe you had insisted on.

“I'll bring the ingredients, you don't have to worry about anything!”

Pfft, yeah right, now he has to worry about the mess you’re - fine, you both are - making in the kitchen. The floor’s all wet, the sink is overflowing, it’s a literal water park. The recipe wasn’t even halfway done yet.

“You know what, I’m going to get a mop, you can continue with - whatever it is you’re doing.” Hitoshi pinches the bridge of his nose in mock exasperation. You roll your eyes but agree, huffing as you push your sleeves back again.

“By the way, where’s Maomao?”

“Eri took her to a sleepover. Didn’t think she liked that idea much though.”

“Real! Maomao only ever wants to be with you,” you laughed.

“Nah, more like you,” Hitoshi grumbled. “She’s never happy when she’s not there and you are.”

“Mhm, you’re-” You’re cut off by Hitoshi’s unexpected yelp and the clanging coming from the bathroom where he’s gone to go fetch the mop. Dropping whatever you’re holding you rush over there in a panic. “Toshi! Are you okay?”

“Yeah, yeah, that stupid cat took a shit here!”

“Isn’t she toilet trained? Did you step on- Oh god. You stepped on it.”

“Stop laughing at me!”

Even gone the blasted cat still managed to ruin a date. Hitoshi fumed silently.

STEP 4: Still unsuccessful? Try giving them a new friend, as they might be acting out from loneliness.

This particular method, unfortunately, quickly backfired on him.

“Aw look! They’re playing together, Jirou!”

“Huh, didn’t think Sora was capable of playing gently. She nearly gave Kaminari a heart attack jumping at him the other day.”

“Hey! Jirooooouuuuuu!”

“No, wait, Maomao, don’t do that!”

“Sora stop barking so loudly-”

Hitoshi’s overly exaggerated groan is barely heard over the din. His head lolled back, staring up at the sky. “Are we biking or not at this rate?”

Not that anyone heard him. You’re too preoccupied with cooing over Maomao, Jirou and her boyfriend Kaminari Denki trying to get their new puppy to stop eating rocks. It was supposed to be a biking-trip-at-the-park-double-date, for heaven’s sake, how did it spiral into this?

Maomao pawed at his leg. Hitoshi tilted his head back forward to glare half-heartedly at her. “You’re lucky you’re so cute. It’s your fault again.”

He’s even more offended when Maomao opts to sit in YOUR bicycle basket rather than his. Denki’s - traitorous friend that he is - snickering at him before Sora pees on his shoe.

STEP 5: As a last resort, consider punishing the kitten. Do not give them attention in any way. It is called the time out corner for a reason.

“Where’s Maomao?”

“Pay no attention to her.” Hitoshi burrowed deeper into your neck, his tone a request. “She’s being punished right now.”

“…for what?”

“A lot of things.”

“Like?”

“….every time you come she steals your attention. Just let me enjoy this.” Hitoshi’s voice holds the smallest hint of a whine. You mentally stored that away. “She was meowing at the door waiting for you at 3 in the morning!”

You twirl a strand of his purple hair, barely hiding your smirk. Ah, so all along…”Is that bad your cat loves me more than she loves you?”

“I adopted her!”

“Oh my god. You really are jealous of your cat.” You couldn’t help it. You collapsed on your side, crying with mirth. Hitoshi sits up straight, insulted, taking a cushion off the couch to smack you with.

“Stop that! I’m not!”

“Say that again; you’re not even convincing yourself!” Oh god, this made so much sense. You wiped at your streaming eyes, coughing up the last of the laughter. “No wonder you were - I can’t - this is too funny - I thought you were acting a little weird the past fortnight - oh my god -”

“Fine, fine, stop laughing! I was jealous! There, I said it, you happy?”

“But why?” You fondly pulled your dumbass of a boyfriend closer, squishing his cheek. Even sulky he was still cute.

“She keeps interrupting our dates.” Hitoshi’s voice is already muffled by your clothes but his muttering makes it worse.

“…”

“No.”

“….”

“STOP LAUGHING!”

“In all seriousness, Toshi, you could’ve just told me. We’ll remake all the dates without Maomao this time, alright? Swear on my life.” You even hold up a pinky.

His own grudgingly raises and locks it around yours.

“You can let Maomao out of punishment now.”

“Eh, no. She’s actually there because she scratched Aizawa’s car today.”

Alternatively, you could always just tell your girlfriend you’re jealous of the cat because the cat’s jealous of you both. She will immediately rush to reassure you and provide you with the much-craved, long-awaited affection you both had been denied by the cat.

Side effects, however, include providing her and everyone else with enough ammunition to tease you with for the next decade.

“Wait, Hitoshi was jealous of a cat?” Denki’s practically howling. Jirou sniggers quietly. “Does this mean he’s a pus-”

“Stop talking.”

Jirou nods appreciatively. “Now I wish i had mind control when it comes to this idiot.”