#HOW MUCH KUROGANE WILL WE HAVE LEFT BY THE END

[completeoveranalysis]

[2]

OH HE’S GOING FOR IT.

It would be so satisfying if he pulled this off, even if it was narratively a little premature. BUT STILL, WE’RE ROOTING FOR YOU ON PRINCIPLE KUROGANE GET THAT MAN.

OHHH OHHH THEY’RE GOING HEAD ON. THE DADS ARE RIGHT THERE IN HIS FACE ATTACKING HIM IN PERSON. 

I LOVE IT VERY MUCH. 

Also? The fact that Fai is using his (mostly offensive) magic defensively to protect Kurogane? And it still kind of takes the shape of an eye? PERFECTION. 

The interesting question here is which magic is more powerful; Fai’s already Very Strong Magic levelled up a thousand times through Syaoran's off screen adventures, or ordinary Evil Wolverine? 

If Evil Wolverine is still stronger that’s absolutely terrifying. 

OH! HIS MAGIC CUTS RIGHT THROUGH FAI’S. 

I suppose that’s the answer I was asking for but I DON’T LIKE IT.

[pmkscanlations]

PMK DVD Booklet Interviews 4

Thanks to @/pmkloveadmin and their kind friend yuunsoba who provided the raws for these interviews! Here’s the fourth set; please enjoy!

INTERVIEW 11 SHIMADA KAI (Voice actor: Iwasaki Masami)

Please tell us your genuine reaction to the announcement of the movie project.

Surprise! Deep emotion! My enthusiasm gushed forth! Even now, our relationships carry on!

Please tell us your genuine reaction to your first read-through of the script.

In my heart, I felt a deep sympathy for the kind and strong men who lived through the fierce Bakumatsu era. It’s a painful thing.

How was it, revisiting this character after so long? Please tell us your impression of the performance and anything you kept in mind while acting.

Shimada Kai is the kind of person who lived his life righteous in both body and mind. I’m happy to play him.

What scene do you think has the biggest impact, and what scene do you want people to pay attention to?

The scene where a man known as a demon shows utmost kindness. Rather than communicating it directly, it’s communicated through feeling.

This is a story about the Shinsengumi’s great ambitions. After this, what sort of challenges do you want to tackle?

I’ll try to live each day to its fullest and proceed with diligence in mind.

Finally, please leave a message for the fans who watch this series.

I think the most important things remain the same for everyone, regardless of what sticks in each person’s heart or how differently they feel things. Viva Peacemaker Kurogane! Thank you!

INTERVIEW 12 KONDO ISAMI (Voice actor: Takaya Hasi)

Please tell us your genuine reaction to the announcement of the movie project.

I thought, “woah! They’re doing it!” After that, I was just immediately excited that I would get to work with everyone again. They’re fun friends.

Please tell us your genuine reaction to your first read-through of the script.

I ended up looking back on my own youth while reading about these young boys who were swallowed by the big wave of the turning point of that time. Even I get sentimental sometimes, you know?

How was it, revisiting this character after so long? Please tell us your impression of the performance and anything you kept in mind while acting.

As far as Kondo-san goes in this work, we share the same thoughts and opinions. I’m always trying to bring that with me.

What scene do you think has the biggest impact, and what scene do you want people to pay attention to?

Many lines and scenes left a personal impact on me, but I won’t say what they were. It’s everything that will stay in the hearts of those who watch.

This is a story about the Shinsengumi’s great ambitions. After this, what sort of challenges do you want to tackle?

Rather than looking for a challenge, I’m just looking forward to seeing how I might change in the future. I think I’m going to become a strange old man… Nyahaha!

Finally, please leave a message for the fans who watch this series.

Thank you very much. I’m grateful to everyone who watched.

INTERVIEW 13 SAYA (Takahashi Mikako)

Please tell us your genuine reaction to the announcement of the movie project.

I was really surprised! And happy to be able to reprise the role that I played over 10 years ago at the very start of my career. The theatrical release also made me realize just how much and for how long fans have loved the work.

Please tell us your genuine reaction to your first read-through of the script.

“I have to take care!” I got really fired up when I thought about how I could film Saya’s first love as she grew up and her life in Shimabara. After that, when I thought about Saya, I got sad and cried a bit. Saizo was a twist, I was worried he wouldn’t appear (laughs). I was relieved that he did. After all, a mascot character is totally necessary! It’s hard to find such a cute pig with such a grumpy expression.

How was it, revisiting this character after so long? Please tell us your impression of the performance and anything you kept in mind while acting.

My chest was so full that I couldn’t see what was around me (laughs). As expected, considering it’s been over 10 years since I played this role. I felt all emotions strongly, both happiness and sadness. I played her with a more mature voice this time, but I kept the innocence she has about her and was careful not to raise my voice too much. I think my heart was just naturally moved when I heard Tetsu’s lines. I just leave Saizo’s voice all up to chance! (laughs)

What scene do you think has the biggest impact, and what scene do you want people to pay attention to?

Saito-san’s line, “even if it’s just for a second, the time will come when you miss this” really left a deep impression. Since the Shinsengumi is the theme here, I thought it was apt when applied to each and every member. I also want you to pay attention to Tetsu bonking Saya’s head! I could cry! And the cry of Tetsu’s heart at the very end just punched me in the chest!

This is a story about the Shinsengumi’s great ambitions. After this, what sort of challenges do you want to tackle?

All I want to do now is travel alone! I’ve been to Hiroshima in Kanto and Seoul, South Korea before, but I want to go somewhere far away for the first time in ages. I want to ride the Ueda Electric Railway Bessho line in Nagano, visit Bessho onsen, eat delicious local food and enjoy Japan to the fullest.

Finally, please leave a message for the fans who watch this series.

The history of the Shinsengumi really focuses on the daily lives of regular people, and I think you can get the sense that some things don’t change even when the times do. It’d make me happy if you could empathize with Saya’s tragic feelings and accept Saizo’s warmth. Thanks both to the people who have supported us all this time, and to everyone watching for the first time! Please continue to love us moving forward, too!  ♥

INTERVIEW 14 YAMATOYA SUZU (Tachibana Shinnosuke)

Please tell us your genuine reaction to the announcement of the movie project.

The drama CD ended a while ago, so I was quite surprised to hear suddenly about a movie project. But that surprise quickly turned to excitement.

Please tell us your genuine reaction to your first read-through of the script.

The conversational drama that happens between people in this story is interesting, of course, but another highlight are the battle scenes. It was a lot of fun to see it in motion.

How was it, revisiting this character after so long? Please tell us your impression of the performance and anything you kept in mind while acting.

Even in the anime, Suzu’s nastiness was alive and well, so I was able to play him to the utmost while having a great time.

What scene do you think has the biggest impact, and what scene do you want people to pay attention to?

Oh geez, I would say “everything”! (laughs) I think that it won’t give you even a second where you’ll want to take your eyes away!! So please keep them open and watch from the very start to the very end (laughs).

This is a story about the Shinsengumi’s great ambitions. After this, what sort of challenges do you want to tackle?

I want to do too many things, I can’t write them all here (laughs).

Finally, please leave a message for the fans who watch this series.

A work that was already interesting as a drama CD finally became a movie!! How was it? This is the first part, so I’m sure you’re already excited about the next. Surely there will be a lot of Suzu in part 2… no… I’ll really be in trouble if there isn’t (laughs). So please wait a little longer until then! ☆

[pmk-love]

Awww, thanks for that shout out! <3

To anon: There isn't much information about the historical Tetsunosuke, in fact, Nanae Chrono, Peacemaker Kurogane's mangaka, had to pretty much fictionalize Tetsunosuke's background and story in the manga because of how little we know about the real one. However, responding your question, yes, Tetsunosuke was very important to Hijikata.

Based on this article that @shinsengumi-archives translated, we know that Tetsunosuke joined the Shinsengumi in 1867 at age 14 (12 or 13 in the Gregorian calendar) and became Hijikata's page, and that after the Boshin War broke, he accompanied Hijikata through all the journey until Ezo, even when his own older brother, Tatsunosuke, left the Shinsengumi. Tetsunosuke stayed at Hijikata's side through the battles, took care of him when the vice-commander was injured in the battle of Utsunomiya and had to recover in Aizu, and then when they traveled to Ezo. In fact, Tetsunosuke's loyalty towards Hijikata was so big that, in order to send him away to save his life, Hijikata had to threaten killing him, because Tetsunosuke wanted to die with him.

Hijikata had a very high opinion of Tetsunosuke because of that. According to the aforementioned article and Tetsunosuke's article in the Japanese Wiki Corps, he believed that Tetsunosuke was "very strong-willed and hated to lose, but also could be calm and composed" and that he also was "very strong-minded and also very clever". A detail that speaks volumes of the trust that Hijikata had on Tetsunosuke is that he confided his personal belongings, like his death poem and piece of hair as well his beloved sword, to him. And it's because of that trust as well Tetsunosuke's courage - he risked his life to deliver said belongings to Hijikata's family in Hino - that right now we have Hijikata's only known photo and that his sword Izuminokami Kanesada is still preserved in his family's museum. While we don't know 100% about their relationship, we know that Hijikata cared deeply for Tetsunosuke enough for him to send the boy away to save his life and that Tetsunosuke deeply admired and respected Hijikata enough to leave his brother to stay at his side.

Because of that, Tetsunosuke is usually featured in Shinsengumi media that depicts the last days of Hijikata's life. Aside Peacemaker Kurogane, that portrays a more fictionalized version of his time in the Shinsengumi but retaining the core traits of his historical personality, Tetsunosuke also appears in the Shinsengumi Taiga drama of 2004, in Moeyo Ken, in the anime Katsugeki/Touken Ranbu and even in Gintama which features a parody version of the Shinsengumi. Apparently he also made an appearance in Kaze Hikaru but I can't confirm this. The only popular media where Tetsunosuke isn't featured is Hakuouki but is because they made Chizuru replace him completely, something that forever annoys me until this day. But all his appearances in media, even if he plays a very small role, tells you a lot about the strong bond that he and Hijikata shared as master and page.

And Tetsu indeed wasn't a poor little kitten. Despite being a teenage boy he was a wolf of the Shinsengumi and Hijikata's descriptions of him match that. Strong-willed, brave and loyal until the end.

Hello. You don't often depict Hijikata in your drawings, but you always try to render his appearance as realistically as possible. This resemblance is sometimes frightening. It's as if he were alive. I'm not sure... but may I ask? Are you interested in the relationship between Hijikata and Ichimura Tetsunosuke? Tetsu doesn't look like a poor little kitten, but he seems to have been important to Hijikata in his own way.

Hi Anon. 👋

You're right, I don't draw Hijikata often but this recent portrait turned out pretty well (if I might toot my own horn). I think that's the realistic piece you're talking about, right?

I don't do much in that style because it requires a high quality photo to work from, a lot of time, and some manner of divine intervention to turn out even halfway decent, but I plan to do more portraits of actual people from the end of the Edo period this year.

Anyway, about your question:

I've not done a ton of research specifically focused on Hijikata because there are about a billion others who have.

So, while I'm interested in all of the Shinsengumi to some extent, the relationship between Hijikata and Ichimura is more of a passing interest for me.

But ... you should definitely chat with @pmkloveadmin about Hijikata and Ichimura. While, yes, she runs a Peacemaker Kurogane tumblr, she has loads of info and knowledge about the historical Hijikata and Ichimura and would be an amazing resource for you if you have specific questions.

[psychewritesbs]

hellooo! I'm interested in your take on this: in the star plasma arc when touji tells getou that he killed gojou.. getou does not react emotionally at all. like he just says "OK so I kill u heh" and thats it. It seems a little off to me compared to gojou who struggled so, so much with having to kill getou at some point and obviously thinking about getou's mortality. But in this scene getou seems so... Indifferent? What do you think about this?

Holaaaa 😆!

Hey anon, thanks for your patience. Quite honestly, to answer your question I had to go back and re-read the arc in question + I needed all three braincells in my brain firing on all cylinders + coffee.

Basically it took me a while to think through your ask. Also... listen, my brain works in mysterious ways. There’s absolutely no way I can give a short answer. I am dumb like that.

That said: What a great observation you make. I do believe Gege is very intentional in how he depicts his characters (from dialogue and design, to their cursed techniques), so you might be onto something there.

While I could be wrong, after doing “research” to answer your q, I see Geto as a complex character who experienced a traumatic event that ultimately led to him being true to himself. As a result, I believe we get to see his true colors:

He has a sense of superiority that he is unaware of and looks down on non-sorcerers. Not to mention the power trip he’s in.

Or as you say: “indifference”.

But there is, of course, much more to it than that...

You know what's below the cut? Word vomit! 🤮 Took me a while, but words were vomited yes...

Since I am a word vomiter extraordinaire, feel free to skip to the very end for the TLDR summary. 

Also, I haven’t properly brain rotted about Geto until your ask came through. Soooooo I may only scratch the surface of his character and his character arc in attempting to answer your question. 

Not to mention that my interpretation will inevitably be influenced by my own subjective experience. After all, the only one with the objective truth about the characters in JJK is none other than Gege. The rest of us in fandom are left to experience JJK through the lens of our own subjective life experience.

OK! All three braincells firing on all cylinders! Woo!

Onto the fun part!

The Shonen Power Duo trope

As always, bear with me while I go off in an odd tangent, I promise it will pay off...

Not sure how long you’ve been watching or reading Shonen anime and manga but one of the most common tropes is that of “the Shonen Power Duo”. 

In this trope, two characters with seemingly opposing personalities are paired together as rivals and/or allies:

- Geto and Gojo (Jujutsu Kaisen)

- Megumi and Yuji (Jujutsu Kaisen)

- Aki and Denji (Chainsaw Man)

- Kageyama and Hinata (Haikyu!)

- Sasuke and Naruto (Naruto)

- OF COURSE I JUST HAD TO MENTION Kurogane and Fai (Tsubasa Reservoir Chronicle)

... the list goes on. 

You get the point.

Also, notice the order in which I mentioned them: “Yin” (passive) character first, followed by “yang” (active) character.

That’s because in addition to having personalities that oppose each other and therefore balance each other out (yin + yang), another characteristic all of these power duos have in common is that these two characters in question are often presented as being the strongest two and are almost equal in power. As a result, either one or both of these two characters tend to see each other as rivals.

So for me, the simplest answer to your question is to say that Geto’s personality is the yin to Gojo’s yang. Sooo you can expect for them to have reactions that oppose one another in style and quite possibly psychology.

In other words, where Gojo’s personality is outwardly expressed (although he hides a more serious personality, he’s a bit of a trickster figure, he clowns around, is quite possibly extroverted)...

Geto’s personality, on the other hand, is internally expressed (he’s seemingly more calm and collected). 

Ah! there you go, name has been confirmed. Don’t kill me but until your ask came through I couldn’t even remember his first name.

I am, OF COURSE, making a MASSIVE over-generalization about their personalities here. But if you boil the personality trope down to its core, Gojo’s outgoing personality (yang) and Geto’s more calm personality (yin) are the characteristics that define their character tropes at the most basic level.

But we love JJK precisely because characters are incredibly multidimensional, don’t we? And aside from that, personality is all surface-level “stuff”.

So yes, it could just be that their personalities are different and that’s why they had diametrically different reactions: Gojo outwardly expressing he cares a lot vs Geto appearing indifferent because he doesn’t outwardly express himself as much as Gojo does.

But again, that's just the face-value layer for the panel in question, and JJK is more of a multi-layered experience.

The thing is that the panel in question...

...is the culmination of a long and drawn out process. 

It is also the beginning of a chain of events that shook Geto to the core.

And I wonder whether it all started with this here moment...

Geto Suguru, the irony of his character

So I never thought anything of Geto’s ears until I started writing this. But Geto’s elongated ears look to me like they are meant to make a statement about his character.

In Buddhism, elongated ears symbolize “making the conscious choice to reject the material world in favor of spiritual enlightenment.” They also symbolize “wisdom and compassion.”

But.... Why does a character who calls non-sorcerers monkeys (because he clearly looks down on them), and who wants to commit mass genocide, have Buddha ears as part of his character design--the symbol for wisdom, compassion and the pursuit of spiritual enlightenment?

I may be missing the point here, but Geto’s way of thinking is not entirely compassionate. 

I totally get that Geto came face to face with the injustices of the system he was a cog for. I also personally feel like his reaction to the events that “changed him” is totally and 300% understandable. 

Part of his tragedy was that he subjected himself to horrible experiences for the sake of a lie he was telling himself because he needed to find a reason to not feel the way he truly felt. More on this in a bit.

Not to mention that in trying to protect Sorcerers from non-sorcerers, Geto is also showing us how much he cares.

For this reason, to be honest, I am having a hard time deciding whether he was compassionate before he was broken by the Jujutsu-scheme of things, or whether he was never compassionate to begin with. Hence why his reactions appear “indifferent” to you.

If he was a truly wise and compassionate being, his reaction to "non-sorcerers as monkeys” would have been one of trying to understand how their very human suffering creates the conditions for curses to be born from them. Instead, his reasoning is to kill them.

Consider that compassion is a state of being of the body-mind-soul, not a mental concept (but this is a can of worms for another day).

While I am not sure whether we can call Tsukumo Yuki compassionate, she is at least “trying to understand”.

OF COURSE I JUST HAD TO MENTION Compassion looks more like trying to understand another’s suffering and knowing you can never fully do so because you are not them.

And yet you still feel for other’s pain, and try to understand because suffering is part of the shared human experience.

In fact, the character in the panel above, Sumeragi Subaru, has what I would call a pathological propensity for compassion. Subaru’s compassionate kindness won’t allow him to harm others and will bring that harm onto himself instead. I only share the panel to illustrate what a compassionate character REALLY thinks and behaves like.

But Geto has instead chosen to look down on the very same “monkeys” whom he thought he should be protecting. 

Looking at Geto through this lens, I have to ask myself whether Geto has always looked down at “weakness in general” but had convinced himself to protect the weak/non-sorcerers because he was told that’s what Jujutsu Sorcerers do.

You could also argue that he looks down on non-sorcerers BECAUSE of what happened to him, and that his decision to commit mass genocide is based on his resentment.

Buuuuut, I strongly suspect he always felt a sense of superiority over non-sorcerers that he hid from others--including himself, hence why I say he was not true to himself and came to reveal his true colors towards the end of the arc.

To which Yuki tells him:

The idea that Geto had been resisting the feeling of looking down at non-sorcerers is implied by Yuki in the panel above. And since Geto went onto murderer an entire village (including his parents), we already know that he decided to be true to this feeling of looking down on non-sorcerers--he decided to be true to himself at last.

From my perspective, perhaps Geto came to believe that Jujutsu Sorcerers are spiritually evolved beings and therefore superior to humans, whom, again, he sees as no better off than monkeys.

Myes yes I had tons of fun creating this graphic. 

That said, it’s interesting to me that both Gojo and Geto use “Buddha” symbolism (Gojo quotes Buddha and Geto has elongated ears) because to me this speaks to their exalted state as spiritual beings.

But I feel that unlike Gojo, Geto is missing the point of what strength and following a “spiritual” path truly means. 

Also, when I use the word “spiritual” I am not using it in the traditional sense of the word but in the JJK-sense of the word. Basically Jujutsu sorcerers use their “spiritual/psychic” powers to exorcise curses--in other words, they have conscious control of their “Cursed”/Psychic Energy.

Now, I get that Geto has “good” intentions for wanting to commit genocide. I actually sympathize with his rather twisted logic and somehow feel compassion for the suffering that brought this on for him. After all, a Jujutsu Sorcerer’s job is a massive exercise in futility in the grander scheme of things.

All this said... Geto may have the symbolism of an enlightened being and be one of the strongest, but his fatal flaw, his greatest mistake, from my perspective, was both not being true and being true to himself.

Again, “only weak people apply reasoning and responsibility to Jujutsu.”

The panel in question

So, ALL OF THAT TO SAY that to me what you are seeing as a strange reaction: “ok then die”, is Geto perhaps reaching a tipping point in which he started to question if he truly felt like he should continue to follow the logic he had adopted--“Jujutsu sorcerers protect the weak”.

I personally think that while he convinced himself that “Jujutsu sorcerers protect the weak,” he did not necessarily feel that in his heart of hearts but became a cog to the system because it was what was expected of him. Duty and dharma are important concepts in Japanese society and Buddhism after all.

So when Toji, a “monkey,” shows up and declares he has killed Gojo, the Star Plasma vessel, and her caretaker, all people that Geto had come to care for, the only thing that made sense was to kill the monkey that should have been weaker than him.

So here we have a tipping point. A defining moment in Geto’s character arc.

Geto made a quick decision: this monkey needs to die. There is no rhyme or reason for it, he simply needs to die.

In other words, I headcanon he chose not to follow the logic of “protecting the weak because he’s a Jujutsu Sorcerer” but rather followed his desire to kill “the monkey”, Toji.

Perhaps this is a moment in which Geto was finally true to himself. In turn, this moment led to him wondering how much he wanted to continue rejecting the feeling of looking down on non-sorcerers.

And like... good for him? There is nothing more freeing than being true to yourself unless you want to commit mass genocide then maybe you should probably seek help.

Now... remember how in the Shonen Power Duo trope the two characters in the duo have opposing personality traits?

Well, here’s when it comes into play.

Consider that the trope doesn’t just have to be about how their personalities  are opposites of one another, but rather it can also highlight how their internal characteristics and character arcs also oppose each other--i.e. what these character’s values and morals are, and what they believe in can also be opposites of one another.

Enter one of the beings with the strongest sense of self...

Gojo Satoru, the strongest

The reason the Shonen Power Duo trope is important here is because it’s literally used to juxtapose how Gojo’s sense of self (ego/mind) and Geto’s sense of self has resulted in a gap in strength that cannot be bridged unless Geto overcomes his mental cages--applying reasoning to Jujutsu.

In other words, Gojo is the strongest because of his sense of self. That is the paradox of the question from the panel above.

Gojo = strong sense of self, and in JJK strong sense of self = power.

Which inevitably means that Geto’s sense of self is not on the same level as Gojo’s. 

The purpose of the Hidden Inventory/Star Plasma Arc was probably to show how their respective character arcs were affected differently by the trauma of their respective encounters with Toji.

Which is why I dedicated so much word vomit towards explaining how I think Geto was lying to himself and was only true to himself when he decided to follow his instinct to kill Toji.

When it comes to ego, or sense of self, psychologically-speaking, a strong sense of self requires that you know yourself first and foremost. Which is no easy feat because the moment you THINK you understand your unconscious biases, another one comes up in your blind spot or shadow to be integrated into consciousness.

Such is the nature of ego and consciousness.

Geto seems to think he’s higher on the psychospiritual totem pole of evolution but he’s failed to realize the nature of ego and consciousness is such that he is caught in a mental cage of his own making (applying reasoning to Jujutsu) until he develops a sense of self based on self-understanding.

Unlike Geto (and his elongated Buddha ears) Gojo achieved such self-understanding or enlightenment. In fact, the kanji for his first name, Satoru, is the pictorial representation for the concept of enlightenment: 悟.

Gojo has seen what is beyond his ego/mind--infinity, and transcended himself.

And yet, unlike Geto, as someone who experienced enlightenment, I headcanon that Gojo experiences true compassion for the suffering of mankind.

Think of it this way:

If Gojo doesn’t need a reason (or a logical train of thought) for not committing mass genocide, then why not just do it? 

“The only ones who are able to transcend beyond merely strong are those with an overwhelming sense of self and a complete disregard for others.”

After all, we’ve been told in more than one occasion that it’s not just a strong sense of self that equals power, but also that the most powerful sorcerers are those who disregard others.

I go into more detail about the trope that Gege is using here, "enlightenment does not always result in benevolent beings”, in my liveblog for chapter 181. Check it out if you’re interested because it’s a fascinating subject that is also present in Urobuchi Gen’s Puella Magi Madoka Magica and Psycho-Pass.

In JJK, Geto continues to apply reasoning (ego) to solve his problems, while Gojo has transcended reasoning and is in tune with a more cosmic consciousness--he’s become a Bodhisattva, a person who has reached enlightenment but chooses to remain Earthbound out of compassion in order to save suffering beings.

I mention this because this could explain why you felt like Gojo shows he cares a lot compared to Geto’s reactions. To me, Gojo not killing when he could easily do so shows he might be a highly compassionate being.

Again, Shonen Power Duo trope in action--two characters who are the yin to the other’s yang and viceversa.

TLDR

Geto did not look disturbed because he did not really feel it in his bones that he should be protecting non-sorcerers. I really think he reasoned himself into believing he should protect the weak/non-sorcerers. After seeing how sorcerers were suffering because of non-sorcerers, he realized who his heart truly wished to protect and revealed his true colors.

Gojo, on the other hand, appears to be a Bodhisattva, a person who has reached enlightenment but chooses to remain Earthbound out of compassion in order to save suffering beings. Hence why his reactions reflect a much deeper level of “caring”.

Sorry anon who asked about Geto...

Right.

I am certifiably crazy. 

I go in crazy tangents...

And then I often wonder if I can explain things in simple terms but I’ve come to accept that this is how my mind works bahaha.

Like I said, there is nothing more cathartic and liberating than being true to yourself and accepting yourself as you are. Unless you want to commit mass-genocide, then please seek help.

Thank you for reading if you’ve made it this far.

To be frank this was a difficult ask for multiple reasons and I am choosing to say this because what I wrote here is my opinion--since you so kindly asked for it.

The main reason I struggled writing this was because part of the fandom does not like it when people have opinions about the “darker” side of the characters they love that they don’t agree with (I speak from experience *cough cough Dark Megumi*). 

Let it be known that I have a soft spot and love for problematic characters who royally fuck up because there isn’t anything more human than making mistakes and learning from them.

Also, I hope I have not sounded like I know what I am talking about when it comes to Geto. I have strong opinions and I trust my conscience, but I know I can and have been wrong about certain details in the past.

The fact that I have to write this goes to show that this fandom is massive and different opinions abound. 

The problem isn’t having a different opinion, but rather when people bully others over having a different opinion. 

Also, I’d be a hypocrite if I did not admit that sometimes I read what others write and think “mmm you’re missing the point” or “this person shared a headcanon while thinking they’re being objective.”

But the truth is that what I have written here could very well be headcanon to others. 

In the spirit of one of the most beautiful lessons from JJK: let’s remember that other’s way of seeing things is right for them, and that doesn’t mean that ours isn’t.

So as always, take what I write with a grain of salt and exercise that sexy brain of yours by thinking critically about the word vomit you read in my blog.

I’ve done my best to remain objective. But as I shared in the beginning, there are limits to objectivity and the only one who truly knows without a shadow of a doubt what he wanted to portray in that panel is Gege. 

ALL THAT SAID, thank you for trusting me with sharing my thoughts on the matter and thank you for your patience!

Sorry it took me so long to answer your ask anon who asked about Geto 😂.

[noa-ciharu]

Why do you think seishirou gave syaoran the feather? that's not like him

Seishirou never straight out said he planned to give Syaoran the feather, but this scene confirms it more or less

Fuuma is his brother, he knows him the best out of rest of cast. Especially since, as Kurogane said in TWC, they're same at core.

Now keep in mind 1) there's no direct confirmation why he gave up the feather so we can only speculate 2) with characters such as Seishirou, you can never be sure of their motives

It was a puzzlement for me too. Sakura's feathers are powerful, why would he give up something that could be big advantage during battles/his search? I used to think he used that feather to fight (sword + those shadowy things, idk how to call them really)

Until I reread end of Outo arc and saw this:

Seishirou presumably got that feather in Outo (I'm not 100% on that one). Feather is powerful, it has ability to turn virtual world into reality - but he can't control it. Feather is basically useless to him.

Now it was never made clear how precisely he fights. But I assume it's magical abilities, like main crew has. So feather doesn't effect Seishirou's powers, positively or negatively.

But if that's so, why didn't he give Syaoran feather back in Outo? He kept feather because he could, no reason deeper than that.

You see, Seishirou is type of man to do what he wants, whenever he wants, on a whim. He doesn't really care much about anything but how to catch up with vampire twins. In Outo he left as soon as he found out twins weren't there; in Nihon he planned to leave immediately too but Syaoran stopped him; later when Fuuma is talking with Souma and Kendappa he apologizes on Seishirou's behalf for leaving without announcement. When he found out Fai had Kamui's blood Seishirou attacked him impulsively (a bad move on his part because he'd lose that 1-vs-3 fight) - in nutshell, he only cares about one thing and acts somewhat impulsive when wish to catch up with twins is in question.

But why he didn't leave Nihon when Syaoran challenged him for feather fight? Well, if we go by easy answer: plot needs Syaoran to collect all feathers. One feather that stayed in Acid Tokyo turned out to be set in Clow Country as well because Acid Tokyo was its past.

Fuuma didn't even mention Seishirou by name and Kamui is hissing, while holding Mokona. "How dare you mention that man in my presence?!?" While Subaru is... well you can see.

As Fuuma told Sakura, things could get quite troublesome for her and rest of crew as Seishirou was in possession of one of feathers. So some quick resolution had to be made.

But if we from character's psyche perspective: he probably wanted to fight Syaoran.

You have to understand: that man's love language is psychological torture.

If someone catches his interest he bullies them and ruins their life (please go read Tokyo Babylon, it'll be self explanatory). So I wouldn't say it's too farfetched that he got interested in that whole clone/time loop thing with Syaoran and wanted to bully kid a bit. Because of course he would. That'll explain why he told Syaoran he won't give him the feather despite planning to do so from the very start.

As I mentioned before, Seishirou's only agenda (that we're aware of), is to catch up with vampire twins, or far likelier just Subaru. If he was in possession of a feather and TRC main crew was aware of it, they'd be looking for him. And trust me, Kurogane wouldn't hold back, he'd kill him if he has to. So I wouldn't say Seishirou is in danger by holding onto feather (that's presumably useless to him since he has no control over it) per se, but it has potential to complicate things for him in the future.

But keep in mind this is Seishirou we're talking about. Is it possible he gave the feather because of no concrete reason at all? Sure.

But is it as equally possible he has some hidden agenda? Of course.

World Chronicle isn't finished (it's just halted), maybe there it'll be revealed why he planned to give feather up from the start. If it's ulterior motive it probably has something to do with twins, like maybe alert Seishirou if twins and feather (which is with Sakura?) are in same country or something like that.

[lilover131]

This page right here has probably become my most favorite page in the entire Tsubasa series. At first glance, it doesn’t seem like there’s a lot going on here, but in reality there is SO SO SOOOOOOOO much going on here. This page right here is the culmination of everything they have been through together. This page right here shows how strong a bond they have all built with each other. 

When you think about what they have all been through in the past, it’s hard not to get emotional at this page.

Let’s start with Fai, who was literally told his existence was a curse and that he was better off dead. He was abandoned and left to die in a pit of dead criminals and suffered unimaginable guilt and self hatred at such a young age. Then, to top things off, was made to believe that he chose himself over his own brother. It’s easy to see why he didn’t value his life for so long, but his time with Syaoran, Kurogane, Sakura, and Mokona changed that over time. 

Kurogane I already went pretty in depth with before, but he thought he was better off alone before and was more focused on what he considered strength to be after so brutally losing his parents. But his time with the others softened him and helped him to care about people again. Even when he returned to Japan finally, he decided to still travel with them because they were the ones he wanted to protect now. 

Mokona has plenty of growth too, becoming a constant source of positivity, comfort, but also as the one who will always wait for them to return and gives them a reason to. She is also someone they can trust. This was displayed when Kurogane decided to make a deal with Yuuko to save Fai because Mokona trusted her, so he decided to place trust in her as well. It’s a powerful moment that says how much Mokona is valued in the group. 

And lastly, we have Syaoran. Syaoran went a majority of his life feeling responsible for literally everything, regardless of whether he actively did anything or not. Due to his wish, he questioned every horrible thing, including Kurogane and Fai’s pasts, and wondered if it would have happened had he not made his wish, and he quite honestly was very much emotionally abused by Fei Wang Reed on top of things. It was Fei Wang Reed that made him feel this way and broke him to this point. Syaoran had a similar, but different situation from Fai. He carried heavy guilt/burdens and placed very little value on his well being, but he didn’t try to throw away his life in order to ensure that he could save Sakura. He was living entirely for the sake of others and not for himself. But towards the end, he told his companions everything, and they accepted him whole heartedly for everything that he was. They even told him what no one else had yet to say, which was that these things were not his fault. I think without them having had this conversation, when he was in ‘Yomi’, the dark space between life and death, he would not have made the same efforts to return if this had not happened. His literal existence was a distortion and would likely cause problems if he returned, but it was all the people who loved him who made him realize that he deserved to exist, thus encouraging him to make his final wish. 

So knowing all this, let’s go back to that page again in TWC. Syaoran says to them “I’m so glad you’re here...”, and right there shows just how much he values having them there with him. He’s so relieved to see that they are still alive. And Fai beautifully responds back “Trust us, we feel the same way”. Kurogane has his silent smile, a proud man indeed seeing how much his family has grown (and he’s a big part of why they did), and Mokona teary eyed as she too sees the true meaning behind these words. There is just so much love in this page it’s really hard to describe, and that’s what I adore so much about it. 

[nearer-than-the-eye]

I'm sending this out of sudden but I just read your xxxholic rou meta and it left me wondering if I got it all wrong. Even if watanuki hadn't wished to see yuko again, he'd still become the shopkeeper, grow up and die like a normal human? His inmortality comes from his wish, or from his own nature? Sorry if this sounds dumb

edit: i said vol. 18 instead of 19 lmao, fixed now

original post

nah I think you raise a good question! So good, in fact, that this answer is basically a short essay lmao. My meta focused primarly on watanuki’s confinement, because that IS a result of his nature as a blip in the universe or whatever, and I‘m pretty sure I had been mistaken about the cause of that. He didn’t choose confinement, he had confine himself in order not to cause harm, just like Syaoran does not choose to keep traveling, he’s similarly forced to do so.

Whether or not his immortality/unnaturally long life came from his wish to see Yuuko again or from his confinement to the shop is, I think, ambiguous, though whether or not CLAMP did that on purpose or it’s just not great writing is up for debate lol. At the end of volume 19 Watanuki says that he no longer has to “hide” in the shop anymore and can re-enter the world, and that seems to be a result of the amount of time that has past since the events of the main series. He also expresses that he will probably never see the same Yuuko again, but he doesn’t want to forget her and will continue being shopkeeper. IDK if that means his desire to not forget her is making him live past his normal life span now (kind of a wack way to represent grief, CLAMP) but we don’t know what happens when he re-enters the world so he very well could begin to age from this point on. It’s almost like CLAMP should finish the series!

It’s also worth noting that there are actually two wishes at play here: Watanuki’s wish to see Yuuko again and Yuuko’s wish that Watanuki continue to exist. I wonder if Yuuko’s wish is partially what’s fueling his immortality, and if we’re in a repeat of what happened w her and Clow: she was frozen in time bc Clow wanted her to stay alive, Watanuki gets frozen in time because Yuuko wanted him to stay alive. That seems EXCEPTIONALLY DARK, especially since Yuuko understood her existence was an aberration. Alternatively, since it seems like the reason Watanuki can re-enter the world is because of the time that has passed (time he could not have had as a normal human), maybe Yuuko’s wish kept him alive SO THAT he could re-enter the world and “exist” as a normal human. Perhaps that would grant Yuuko’s wish, and he would begin to age again. (BUT AGAIN WE DON’T KNOW THAT BECAUSE IT’S UNRESOLVED, THANKS CLAMP.)

It ALSO seems like CLAMP maybe wants to retcon volume 19, because Rei appears to take place while Doumeki Shizuka is still alive (Himawari doesn’t have perfect lookalikes for descendants, as far as we know) and CLAMP is doing SOMETHING with Yuuko in volume 4 of rei, though god knows what. So that may give us some more info eventually too, if CLAMP ever finishes the damn thing.

The fact that this is still so ambiguous is, I think, emblematic of CLAMP’s tendency to get carried away with their insane plot bullshit and lose out on making sure the emotional narrative is cohesive and clear. The Tsubasa ending, in my opinion, feels a lot more conclusive, even though it has 10 times the plot bullshit of xxxHolic. Fai and Kurogane are together and a cohesive unit, Syaoran and Sakura know how much they mean to each other. Syaoran’s need to keep moving makes the ending bittersweet, but we know where everybody stands with everybody else and HOW we got to that point emotionally.

xxxHolic obfuscating the reason Watanuki is staying in the shop and immortal does its emotional arcs no good: has Watanuki thrown away his lessons of connection with others to chase after the chance of seeing Yuuko again, or is he making the best of a bad situation and using his confinement as an opportunity to also wait for Yuuko? He seems to have plenty of connections in Rou, and his relationships have matured and deepened with every character we see (he and Himawari tell each other “I love you” as dear friends, he’s on even footing with the Jorougumo and Ame-Warashi, dear friends with Kohane, and his relationship with Doumeki is still complicated but in different, adult ways). But he’s still choosing to take on Yuuko’s mannerisms and role because he misses her and mourns her.

The reason for his confinement and immortality is the lens the rest of Rou is filtered through, and when that reason is up for debate, the lens we view Rou through is up for debate. I don’t think that adds to the series, and I think the ambiguity specifically hurts Rou (one of the most interesting arcs of the series!). CLAMP’s decisions and/or bad writing that resulted in this ambiguity can’t be fixed, even if the stuff I talked about gets answers down the line, and that’s a damn shame. This fucking mini essay I’ve written here really shouldn’t have needed to exist if CLAMP had just done their job right.

[mikkeneko]

Got tagged by @veliseraptor for a writing meme!

How many works do you have on AO3? What’s your total AO3 word count?

193 works over 10 fandoms;  2,591,823 words.

How many fandoms have you written for and what are they?

I would count 10 real ones. Dragon Age; Tsubasa: Reservoir Chronicle; Critical Role; Marvel Cinematic Universe; The Untamed; The Witcher; Cardcaptor Sakura; Fullmetal Alchemist; Gundam Wing; Weiss Kreuz. Some of these pre-date the existence of AO3, and some of them are better off that way.

What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

A Villain State of Mind; Cover Up the Sun; Laughing As I Pray; I do solemnly swear; The Morning After.  All Loki fandom fics. Not too surprising as that was the most mainstream fandom I wrote for, and they’ve been around for a while now, lots of time to accumulate stats.

Do you respond to comments, why or why not?

I do! I have a somewhat complex set of criteria for when I respond and how. 

I will respond to all  comments left on works in my current/active fandom except  for: comments consisting entirely of emojis (mainly because I have no idea what to say to that) comments consisting of single words (same) or comments that seem to be about something other than my fic entirely or focus entirely on negativity (i.e., the commentor is using this box as a space to rant about how much they hate a character, the show, or another author/trope.)

I will usually but not always respond to comments on my next-to-last fandom. On older fandoms I will respond only  to especially long or thoughtful comments, or ones that specifically ask a question that I can answer.

What’s the fic you’ve written with the angstiest ending?

That would have to be Rise From Ash,  the Loki timeloop fic I wrote in MCU. Since it was intended to lead into Avengers, it naturally had a downer ending since we know how Avengers went for Loki; but the story also ended with him having a major mental health break and resolving to kill himself in order to end the timeloop, so, uh, that was pretty unhappy.

Do you write crossovers? If so, what is the craziest one you’ve written?

I think that the Never Gonna Tell A Lie series has to qualify for this one by default; two fics of the “characters from wildly different series meet in a bar” format, spanning seven different franchises.

Have you ever received hate on a fic?

Occasionally. I can’t answer in a lot of detail because I make a conscious policy of thinking about these comments as little as possible, so I tend to forget the details. Off the top of my head I know I received a few comments on my MCU fics of people complaining that the fic was nothing more than a Thor-bashing exercise (it wasn’t intended as such, but you can’t control how the audience will receive, I guess.) And then there was the whole infamous “ableist torture porn of a mentally ill man” episode.

Have you ever had a fic stolen?

Not that I can recall. It may have happened that I just don’t know about.  ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

Have you ever had a fic translated?

A fair amount! Sometimes people will leave a comment asking permission to translate. I have always granted it. Sometimes they go through with the translation and sometimes not.

Have you ever co-written a fic before?

Yes! In Tsubasa Reservoir Chronicle I co-wrote a couple fics with @faux-fires which were a lot of fun. (Which... doesn’t seem to be on AO3, huh. But Not Quite Paradise  is still on ff.net.)  And more recently @cerusee and I have been trading scenes back and forth for each other’s stories.

What’s your all time favorite ship?

I don’t know if I have just one. Maybe Kurogane/Fai. They really manage to straddle all my favorite ship dynamics.

What’s a WIP that you want to finish but don’t think you ever will?

Both of my WIPs in Critical Role fandom, Molly’s Moving Castle and Fjord Mustang’s YEEHAW! Fun and Pony Ranch,  are at this point probably never going to be finished. Partly because of Characterization Marches On; the characters that I thought they were when I started writing were not the characters they ended up being in canon. But mostly just because I’m no longer really in the fandom. 

Wonder if it’s worth closing out the WIPs on AO3 with final chapters describing how the fic would have ended?

What are your writing strengths?

I can do humor, I can do horror, I can do heartbreak. I can write a complex outline and stick to it, I have a fair amount of discipline and perseverance. People occasionally compliment my character voice, so I’d say that’s decent. I can spin up a plot for just about any situation. I love  adapting canon to AU. My dialogue is pretty punchy and my action sequences are adequate.

What are your writing weaknesses?

I’m really bad at writing OCs, as I admit to every darn time this comes up. I’ve also recently realized that I have a strong tendency to avoid writing about characters I don’t like, on several fronts.

The first way that manifests is that if there’s a main/good guy character who the fandom likes and I dislike, I will avoid writing about them whenever possible. I don’t do character bashing. (Which means that if I am  writing about a protagonist character, even if they’re being a jerk and the narrative is whacking them for it, that doesn’t mean I hate the character. It just means that the story requires that they get a good whacking, Thor.)

But the second way this manifests is that I will often just... avoid writing about the bad guys, if they’re unpleasant and I dislike them. Which in shorter things is fine! We’re here to read about the characters we like.  But in longer or more plotful things, that means that all of the villain’s bad things happen off screen  if they happen at all, so the audience doesn’t get a chance to really build up anger against them, so their eventual downfall is less satisfying.

I’m also weaker at writing romance than I would like, I’d say. If it’s a story that has a plot, the romance will frequently get shoved in around the corners or at the last minute. If it’s a story that’s supposed to be about romance, the characters will usually sidetrack into having philosophical discussions about moral relativity when they’re supposed to be flirting.

What are your thoughts on writing dialogue in other languages in a fic?

I’m not sure I understand the question. I don’t think this has ever come up in my fic. I do not speak any other languages fluently enough to have ever tried to write any part of my fics, dialogue or otherwise, in a language other than english. Is this asking my thoughts on other  people doing that? Sure, why not?

What was the first fandom you wrote for?

That would have been Gundam Wing! Gosh, it’s been so long that I barely remember what  that first fic was. But the biggest thing I wrote for that fandom was a ghost story on a space station, which was not very good, objectively, but I look back on it and think it had some seeds of a pretty cool horror/psychological drama going there. 

Was Duo Maxwell really  haunting the space station? Or was Heero Yuy just going mad with grief? Who can say.

Tagging! Well, Lise tagged me, so she’s out. How about... @hollyand-writes (if you have the time to spare,) @curiosity-killed, @thethirdamell, @plotdesigner, and @cerusee ?

[yououui]

angst? I love angst and specially Yama angst... maybe they get closer during that time (to survive) and Fay for the first time maybe starts opening up to Kuro even without words, but then they reunite with Sakura and Syaoran and Fay shuts Kuro out again and pretends nothing ever happened between them

He hadn’t meant for this to happen. Of course he hadn’t. Of all of the mistakes he could have made, this was one he’d wanted to avoid more than the others. No, actually, this was one he never even considered. Not until he saw the man he’d be traveling with, saw how handsome he was and felt that searing gaze fall on him for the first time. 

Not until he was left alone with the man he was supposed to kill for six months with no way out and not even a single common word to speak.

He should be used to being alone. He’d been alone for more years than most people even were alive. He should be used to it. He should get over it.

But when Kurogane gives him a questioning look, eyes dark and strange but also soft and comforting, it’s so easy to make the mistake. No words can be shared, no secrets spilled, and it feels like a protection when they are left with so few methods of communication.

It starts with small touches. A graze against the back of his hand, maybe a touch on his shoulder, a grasp around his narrow wrist. All of the touches come from Kurogane, checking to make sure Fai is okay. All Fai can do is smile and nod, or frown and shake his head.

If he does the latter, Kurogane sits him down and they share some wine. Fai is grateful for that.

Soon, though, it’s Fai reaching out. After a particularly difficult battle, Fai grabs the back of Kurogane’s shirt to keep him close by. Kurogane obliges.

Fai sits closer to Kurogane than usual, so their sides are pressed together, a line of heat between them. Kurogane doesn’t complain.

And then, when Kurogane is scolding Fai after a battle, yelling about how Fai should be more careful (or Fai assumes, seeing as he can’t understand a word), Kurogane groans in frustration at his words not making it through to Fai. And then he grabs skinny arms, pulls Fai close, and kisses him.

He hadn’t meant for this to happen. He should pull back.

Instead, he kisses back.

Instead, he sinks his fingers into coarse, black hair. 

Instead, he gasps into that warm mouth and allows calloused hands to touch him all over. 

Instead, he falls head first into the worst mistake of his life.

Sometimes Kurogane whispers secrets to him in the dead of night, when the universe seems condensed down to only the two of them, tangled together on a shared futon. Fai can’t understand the meaning of the words, but he understands the feeling behind them.

“You shouldn’t be telling me this,” He whispers back. “You should be afraid of me.”

Kurogane doesn’t understand and kisses Fai again, their simplest way to communicate.

Again and again and again. Night after night, day after day. Fai’s happiest moments are the ones shared with Kurogane. It’s odd, he thinks, how they can simultaneously fill him with immeasurable guilt.

And then reality slaps him in the face. He thinks that it’s a nightmare but no, this was the dream. This world, these last six months. This was the escape from real life. Now, he’s been woken up.

“Kuro-sama,” He whispers one night as they return to their tent after dinner to rest before the battle the following evening.

Kurogane glances at him as he searches for a bottle of wine in their stash, their usual nightly routine. “What is it?” Kurogane asks, and understanding him for the first time in six months has Fai choking on his own breath.

Fai searches for the words to say after so long of having none. Finally, he gives a wavering smile and quietly says, “I think we’ll be leaving soon.”

Kurogane almost drops the bottle of wine in surprise. “...They finally made it,” He says in disbelief.

Fai nods. “Yes, it would appear so.”

But neither of them look very happy about it. Kurogane clears his throat and opens the bottle of wine. “And that’s a good thing,” He says, almost like he needs to convince himself.

“Of course,” Fai replies, ignoring the way his voice cracks over the words.

Kurogane nods and sits down to enjoy the wine. Fai takes his usual spot beside him, but there is a noticeable amount of distance between them this time. Kurogane doesn’t comment on it. In fact, despite being able to understand each other for the first time, neither of them say much of anything that night.

The touches are now habit, though, and Fai needs to remind himself to pull away. Thanks to Kurogane’s scheme, they can’t leave immediately, which only makes the situation all the more difficult. Fai pretends he doesn’t notice Kurogane’s offended expressions when he pulls away, when he leaves space between them. Kurogane, as well, stops sharing whatever secrets he did and their nights are now strangely silent.

One habit that they keep until the end is sharing the futon. It’s cold in Yama, it only makes sense to share their body heat. Or so Fai tells himself. He’s not sure what justification Kurogane has.

But Fai finallt forces himself to make the clean break when they make it to the next world. Their time in Yama, while sweet, was only pretend. It was time to leave the fantasy behind.

Too bad Kurogane is a very stubborn man.

“Oi. We need to talk,” Kurogane says as he traps Fai in his room after the kids have gone to bed.

“Shouldn’t you be going to bed, Kuro-pon?” Fai asks. In your own room? His unspoken words imply.

“Why are you avoiding me?” Kurogane asks, ignoring the question.

“Avoiding you?” Fai smiles brightly at him and tilts his head. “Kuro-sama, I do believe we spent all day together!”

“You know what I mean,” Kurogane snarls lowly. “Ever since we left Yama, you’ll only be near me if the kids are around. You practically jumped to the other side of the room when I touched you earlier.”

“It just startled me, is all,” Fai tries to say flippantly.

A strong hand grasps his wrist, the same wordless language as before. Now, it feels more like a cage. “Don’t play dumb,” Kurogane says, voice low and quiet as he leans close into Fai’s space. “You’re just going to pretend that nothing in the last six months happened?”

“I,” Fai begins, his voice quivering pathetically. “That was different.”

“Really,” Kurogane says flatly. “How so?”

“Well, what do you expect to happen when two grown men are left alone for so long?” Fai asks him, trying to sound as unattached as he possibly can. Kurogane doesn’t look convinced. He needs to dig deeper. Strike harder. “And besides, Kuro-sama, you aren’t going to tell me that any of that felt real to you?”

Kurogane’s jaw tightens as he glares down at Fai. “So what, it was all pretend to you?” He asks, slow and steady.

“What else would it be?” Fai asks, quieter now.

His voice jumps in surprise when warm, familiar lips press against his own, the hand around his wrist releasing him to instead cup behind his jaw, strong fingers sinking into his hair as his head his tilted to a better position. Fai puts his hands against Kurogane’s chest, all intention to push the man away, but he falls as easily as he did before. With a sigh into that glorious mouth that kisses him so well, his fingers instead grip the front of Kurogane’s shirt, keeping him close.

Kurogane pulls back and Fai looks up at him, lost in those deep red eyes that he missed so much. They stay like that for a long moment, tangled together, so close that Fai is certain Kurogane will kiss him again. He longs for that to happen.

Instead, Kurogane whispers against his lips, “That’s what I thought.”

He pulls himself fully from Fai and Fai takes one large step back, feeling much like a mouse caught in a trap. Kurogane proved him wrong and Fai fell for it and what can be done now? Try as he might to cut Kurogane off, his cold words mean nothing if his actions betray him every time Kurogane simply looks at him a certain way.

But Kurogane doesn’t try to catch Fai again. Instead, he takes a step back as well, the distance between them feeling as wide as it ever has. “Whatever,” Kurogane says. “Do whatever you want. Not like I can force you to change your mind.”

And with that, he turns around and leaves the room. Fai takes two steps towards him, an involuntary response to keep him close, but stops himself as the door clicks shut.

This is good, Fai reminds himself. Kurogane will understand why this is for the best in due time. And then, maybe he will wish that he had been the one to reject Fai first.

[completeoveranalysis]

Hi Nick. If you don't mind, can you share a summary of what you think Ashura's overall goals were? I'm still sincerely confused. And we now have the "reasoning itself crumbling" thing. He saw and saved this child cursed by FWR... or foresaw. He always planned for Fai to kill him. Was the whole point really to break Fai's curse out of care/love? Or to prove he could? He clearly didn't consider Fai's empathy or emotions. It start out with good intent but then his reasoning crumbled? thank you

Hello Anon! I don't mind at all! I absolutely love talking about these topics more, so thank you for asking!

The Ashura Problem is such a fascinating scenario because I'm pretty sure CLAMP deliberately wrote it to be both misleading and illogical. If it doesn't make sense then CLAMP absolutely achieved their goal, but that doesn't make it any easier to puzzle out.

So! The options!

(With content warning for everything that happens in Seresu oh my goodness)

Option A) That Ashura was a terrible person.

This is the interpretation that most closely matches Fai's lived experience, especially during the Seresu arc.

This explanation focuses on the fact that Ashura manipulated and twisted Fai's entire life and psyche until he was a broken person who would not have survived his own storyline. Ashura used all of Fai's tragic circumstances to mould him into doing exactly what Ashura wanted; he used Fai's dead brother against him, he trapped Fai into making promises he could use against him, he used Fai's emotional wounds to manipulate him, he limited Fai's magic for his own ends and deleted his memories of it, he committed mass murder, he tried to hypnotise Fai directly, he tried to get Fai to kill Kurogane, and then he tried to kill the entire Tsubasa family - all to get Fai to kill Ashura. It's worth noting that all of these actions echo the narrative impact Evil Wolverine has on Fai as well, and we can clearly see how broken Fai is over all of these revelations, even aside from the fact that we are told that Fai would have killed himself if he had succeeded in granting Ashura's wish. It all points to a very solid verdict, and one that pretty much the entire story supports from the very beginning.

The only thing missing is his actual goal. Why is he trying to get Fai to kill him? Is it out of boredom? Is he immortal and can't die without external influence, and so wanted to manipulate events until he got what he wanted? Is he just doing it all for the hell out it, and sees a dramatic death as just another fun thing to aim for? Or...

Option B) Ashura did it all to save Fai

This is the interpretation that mostly comes to the fore when Ashura dies, having failed in his long game to get Fai to kill him by his own hand.

This option revolves around Ashura's otherwise missing motive. The strongest motive potential motive we have for his actions is that he was trying to break both of Fai's curses at once; to become stronger than Fai so that Fai would be forced to kill him, and in the process wouldn't trigger the second secret curse and save Fai's life in the process.

The thing that muddies this interpretation is how badly he treats Fai to make it happen. Over the course of his entire life he breaks Fai. All his actions are hurtful and twisted, and he is willing to murder as many people as needed to make this goal happen, including literally everyone else Fai values in his life. Nothing about the Fai that's left behind is left unmarred by tragedy and self loathing - but he would be alive! And that seems to be what Ashura was aiming for, in this line of reasoning.

This neat thing about this option is that it really plays into the darker characterisation that CLAMP like to work with. Ashura has his own set of morals, inhuman and unknowable, and so he's willing to cross lines that seem to defy all the rules of empathy that you'd think would apply here. DID Ashura think this was still an acceptable result? Did he commit to this goal with the willingness to break and murder literally anything he needed to in order to make it happen? It seems so! But can he really say he loved Fai if he was willing to do this to him? He could see the future, so how could he not see that his actions would kill Fai just as surely as the curse would?

So it's either that, or

Option C: A bit of both!

This is the option that Tomoyo presents in Nihon, after the fact.

Tomoyo posits that both options are true at the same time, and the reason why this doesn't make sense is because of Fei Wang's influence on the universe. Logic itself is breaking down, so Ashura's actions have lost any logical integrity somewhere along the way.

This option allows for the paradoxes to exist as a deliberate example of the wider affect the overall plot is having on the multiverse. Tomoyo says that yes, Ashura did love Fai and was trying to save him, and also yes, his actions don't reflect that and would have killed Fai through his abuse in the misguided attempt to save him.

At this point in the narrative I think it's option C that CLAMP are set on. It does seem like they deliberately wrote the scenario so that Options A and B don't internally make sense on their own on purpose, so that C can rise out of the ruins and cast a shadow on the rest of the narrative right before things really start to kick off in the main plotline.

I hope this helps! This is my ultimate understanding of Ashura's plotline as it stands, but if anything isn't clear feel free to let me know and I can talk even more.

[wipbigbang]

2021 Round - Artists Claims (Round 2)

Round 2 of claims for artists are open! The second round will go this week and then I'll post a new round on Thursday, opening it up for thirds. Everybody spread the word! We have 70 story summaries below for you to choose from, and this round, you may choose 2 stories to do art for! Just use a different check in ID with each sign-up.

This year, art claims are working a little differently than in years past. We are using a google form to streamline things, which should make things easier both for you as participants and us mods. To claim a story, the form requires email, check in ID, and the identifying number of your first choice of story. Putting your top three choices is best in case your first or second has already been chosen. Please be sure you've read the FAQ before claiming.

Click here to claim a story!

Shadowhunters (TV) #51 Title: An Omega Transaction Pairing/Characters Magnus Bane/ Alec Lightwood / Jace Wayland Rating: Explicit Warnings/Tags: Omegaverse AU SummaryWhen Alec presented as an omega his whole life changed for the worse. He was sent away to be taught how to become a 'proper' omega, his parabatai bond to Jace muted. After suffering years of abuse, Alec finally sees Jace again. Jace explains that as part of a truce with the Downworld Alec is meant to become mate to the Downworld leader; the Alpha Magnus Bane. Alec agrees to the mating bond to escape his hellish existence and on the condition his friend and follow omega, Andrew Underhill, is saved as well. What starts out as a practical and useful transaction for everyone involved becomes complicated when Magnus falls in love with his omega mate and Jace’s buried feelings for Alec reawaken. The question is….will Alec return the two Alphas’ affections, or has he been hurt too much by Alphas in the past to dare open his heart again? And what about Valentine? What is he planning and how does Alec fit into it? A romantic Malace story of love, change and building a family of your own choice. #53 Title: Runaway Love Pairing/Characters Magnus Bane/ Alec Lightwood Rating: Explicit Warnings/Tags: No Warnings Apply Summary A story of surviving hardship, the love for family and finding someone to love in the most unusual places. Maryse and Robert were de-runed as punishment for supporting Valentine. Despite Robert’s protests Maryse steals away two baby boys left in Valentine’s care at the time; Jocelyn’s abandoned son and Jace. The family go to the Mundane world with a two-year-old Alec while Maryse is pregnant with Izzy. Without proper papers the family struggle financially and Robert sinks into a spiral of self-hatred and depression while Maryse fight to get money for the family. Robert’s mounting debts due to his drinking and gambling ends up being collectively owned by Magnus Bane. As they can’t pay back the loans, Alec decides to go bargain with Magnus to see if there’s something other than money the Warlock might want…. #54 Title: Sobriety and Cigarettes Pairing/Characters Magnus Bane/Jace Herondale/Alec Lightwood Rating: Mature Warnings/Tags: Smoking; references to alcoholism, addiction and rehab; recollections of past road trauma; sexual references; angst; moderate language Summary Jace and Magnus just walked out of an AA meeting. Neither of them have licences anymore so they’re both waiting for a bus to take them home. They’ve been waiting a while. #55 Title: The Crumple Zone Is My Heart Pairing/Characters Magnus Bane/ Alec Lightwood Rating: Teen Warnings/Tags: Graphic Violence Summary Alec Lightwood has been hiding from the Clave since he became a werewolf. Now his two worlds are colliding, and threatening to crush him between them. AU of the first few episodes of the show, with ensemble cast #56 Title: When An Angel Kneels Pairing/Characters Magnus Bane/ Alec Lightwood Rating: Explicit Warnings/Tags: BDSM AU Summary Alec is a sub but given how Idris treats subs, excluding them from all leadership positions and considering them too ‘weak’ to be warriors, Alec has kept it a secret for years, thanks to his sister and his parabatai bond with Jace. However, one fateful encounter with the powerful Dom and Warlock leader Magnus Bane changes everything not only for Alec but for the Shadow World in general. A worldbuilding BDSM AU with a focus on self-acceptance, equality, trust and learning to love. #57 Title: Wings Pairing/Characters Magnus Bane/Alec Lightwood, Isabelle Lightwood/Simon Lewis Rating: Explicit Warnings/Tags: Graphic Violence, Temporary Character Death Summary A Tsubasa: Reservoir Chronicles AU. Izzy is Sakura, Simon is Syaoran, Alec is Kurogane, Magnus is Fai. "Simon and Izzy are childhood friends in a desert country known as Clow. Izzy is the princess, and Simon is a simple architect excavating ancient ruins. Alec is a warrior in Idris, directly serving under Empress Helen and her warrior wife, Aline. Magnus is a mage from Edom, desperate to escape his past and the King. Across the dimensions, all four are facing adversity and must leave their worlds to request a wish from the Red Witch. There is no such thing as coincidence: everything is connected."

[fizzingwizard]

Rota Fortunae c.1

This is the first chapter of a TRC fic I’m working on... it looks like AU but it’s a TRAP! :P I’ll probably post it in bits on tumblr until I have a few chapters before taking it to AO3.

---

Rain came down in sheets. Kurogane growled under his breath as he fumbled with his lantern. Droplets pelted the cobblestone path in a ricochet, drowning out any noise that he might be making as he struggled with the climb up the hill, towards the remote mountainous town. Be grateful you're not making the trip in winter, the innkeeper had said to him before he left. He would rather be making it in daylight too, but time waits for no man. And curses are by far less patient.

The flame engulfed the wick, wavered, then blew out. Uttering another oath, Kurogane felt for another matchstick, but just then his boot landed in a puddle that turned out to be knee deep. He tripped, but managed to hold on to the lantern; the box of matches went flying and were lost in the night. He wrenched his leg out of the hole. Then he stopped, staring up the hill, where the lonely houses shrouded in darkness studded the mountainside. If they were really there at all. Almost he felt as if the hill itself wanted to discourage him from venturing any further. For all he knew, it might. Enchantments could be hidden anywhere, in the earth, the air. His nostrils flared as if to sniff them out.

"Pardon me," called a voice, startling Kurogane. He whirled around to face whoever it was with a fierce glare, though the rain dripping from the hem of his waterlogged cloak onto his cheek somewhat marred the effect.

"Do you have to be so loud?" he barked.

The other man seemed to smile under his hood. A long-fingered hand slithered out and cupped his mouth. "My apologies. This storm is really something," he said at exactly the same volume. Kurogane felt his scowl deepen. "You wouldn't happen to have a lantern?"

Kurogane stared at him. Then he looked over at the large, conspicuous lantern gripped in his left hand, in easy view. His brow lifted. The man let out a light, musical laugh that was somehow not lost in the din. "I see you do! That's thinking ahead."

"Only an idiot would go out in the night without one," Kurogane said, pointedly jerking his head at the other's empty hands.

Another sparkling laugh. "Yes, you must be right! Well, it appears I've lost my lantern, and forgive me, but you seem fresh out of matches. Maybe we can help each other."

Kurogane said nothing.

"I'm on my way to the quaintest little bar you ever saw. It's in the town just below. If you'll walk with me and share your lantern, I'll buy you a drink."

"Sorry," Kurogane answered gruffly. "I'm headed the other way."

"What, up the hill?" The man sounded surprised. "Why ever would you want to go there?"

"That's my business."

"But it's abandoned."

"Not from what I've heard."

The other man waved that aside with the same slender, moon-pale hand. "Rumors and hearsay. There's nothing there, I tell you. You're in for a cold, wet night on some rickety porch, and that's if you make it up there in the first place. The path only gets steeper from here."

"I'll take the risk," Kurogane said, moving to walk past him.

But the man was spry, stepping briskly into his path. "Now, sir, be reasonable," he soothed. "It's past midnight. If you're right and there are people living in those hills, they're asleep by now. Come to town with me, have a drink, a bite to eat. Rest, then you can continue your errand tomorrow."

"My business can't wait."

"But-"

"I'll knock them all out of their beds if I have to."

The man fell silent, but he seemed troubled. Palpable displeasure rolled off him with the rivulets winding down his cloak. Kurogane shuddered, though perhaps that was from the wind. He shrugged his sodden cloak over his shoulders and started back up the hill with firm, obstinate steps.

"You won't change your mind," asked the man, a strange plaintive note in his voice. But when Kurogane looked back, he hadn't made another move to block him.

"No," Kurogane replied.

A long pause. For the first time, the man's smile had faded. "So be it," he said softly. He turned his back to Kurogane. Before resuming his downhill trek, the pale hand flicked out once more in a brief wave, which Kurogane didn't return. As he trudged up the road, he resolved not to think on him anymore. Some people thought every fellow traveler they came across was some sort of kindred spirit. Kurogane had other, more important objectives, and he wasn't about to let the concerns of some drifter who had forgotten his own lantern distract him.

It wasn't until the road disappeared and Kurogane found himself looking doubtfully at a very steep, rain-slick upward crawl into the village that it occured to him to wonder how he could see it, between the rain and the dark. Raising his lantern, he felt a shock go through him when he found it lit, a blue-white flame dancing within. When had -

Kurogane spun around, but there was no sign of the stranger dogging his steps.

Well. It did make hefting himself up the muddy slope easier.

---

By early morning, Kurogane finally reached the edge of the village. Rainwater had soaked into his skin. A lesser man could get a chill, not that Kurogane had the time of day for anything so useless. At certain points the mountain side had gone almost sheer, and he'd had to use his whole body to lever himself to the next ledge. Mud was everywhere, painting his traveling garb an earthy gray monotone. He made the mistake of wiping his forehead and splattered his face as well.

The lantern was still aglow. Kurogane peered inside and found that the wax didn't even appear to have guttered at all. The little light inside seemed giddy at his curiosity, and leapt higher as if to tease him. But that was ridiculous. It was a candle.

He resisted the urge to snuff it out. After all, he still needed to be able to see. Dawn had only just broken and much of the sun's light was blocked by the mountain face.

Kurogane lugged his exhausted body toward the squat cabins scattered on the mountainside. There were not many, and no path marked the way to reach them, as if those who lived in them never went visiting, didn't even consider the other houses to be neighbors. The town had a name, or at least used to, Kurogane assumed. These days most people referred to it by the sole resident purported to still live there: the Cursebreaker's Mountain.

Kurogane's mind wound back to the stranger he'd come across in the night. That man had believed the whole village deserted. Even when Kurogane demanded how he could find the cursebreaker's house, the innkeeper had been careful to warn him that no one knew for sure whether he really did live in this village. The only clues where stories certain townies had of times their own curses had disappeared after causing them no end of torment. A curse of bad luck, which had lost its poor victim his house and family, was swept away overnight, and the very next day his wife showed up at the bar to tell him her father had found him a job. A woman who had been unable to stop crying for months found her tears dried up after she met a traveler in the road who gave her a silk handkerchief and told her to keep it. A midwife whose own firstborn grew hooves and horns in his bassinet, and she feared that if the devil didn't come to take his soul the townspeople would first. Then a traveling salesman came to her door, selling wool scarves and hats. The way he talked somehow put her at easy, and before she knew it she'd agreed to let him knit a romper for her son. As soon as she dressed him in it, the horns began to recede, and little pink toes uncurled from his tiny feet. In her joy she'd begged the salesman for his price (though half afraid he would demand her child). But all he'd said to her was, "The price has already been received." Then he was gone.

Shaking her head, she'd leaned over the bar table and looked Kurogane hard in the eye as she told him there had been no dramatic exit, no puff of smoke, but still she couldn't recall seeing him leave. "If you ask me, he wasn't human. He was some fae thing, made of pure magic. And I know they can't be trusted, but for some reason he did me a miracle, he gave me my little boy. My mother used to say there was a cursebreaker who lived on the mountain and broke curses for gold. Just as a job. Back then he was famous in the land for almost always succeeding. Then one day he closed up shop. Just up and vanished. People tried to get to that village, to look for him, but most of them turned back around before even making it halfway. Said the trip was just too hard. I guess a few made it further, but no one could tell you how. Maybe they were just that desperate to be freed of their curses."

Exhaustion slowed Kurogane's steps as he made his way through the empty village. He went from house to house, rattling the doors with impatient knocks. All the gardens were wild and unmaintained, and the wooden planks creaked as he crossed each porch. He held the lantern at eye level and peered through the dusty windows, but there was no sign of life. Not one domestic animal, though there were pens. Water leaked off rooftops, from rotting floorboards, the damp smell of mold on the air.

After he'd tried every house, Kurogane walked out a ways onto a grassy knoll overlooking the valley and sat down. From his leather traveling bag he pulled a strip of salted meat and some hardtack, and gnawed on them, mouth downturned and shoulders hunched as he stared straight ahead. Despite his best efforts, his heart kept sinking, and no new plan sprang to mind, no way to escape his nightmare. Anger was quick to chase away anything that bore a resemblance to grief or pity, and soon his teeth had shredded the last of the meat, and the storm of the night before was settled low on his brow.

"Odd, I don't remember installing a gargoyle," said a familiar lilting voice that put Kurogane in an instant pique.

His shoulders twitched. After a tense pause, his head swiveled around, and he squinted under the glare of the sun at a thin, lanky man, slightly bent forward to gaze down at him. He had light eyes, and a crop of filmy, gold-spun hair that was trying too hard to look convincingly ethereal. He wore a silk vest of lavender brocade over his shirt and a dove-colored cravat. Despite the nippy mountain breeze, his sleeves were undone and rolled to his elbows, and there was an infuriating beatific grin on his lips.

Meanwhile Kurogane crouched on the hillside, covered head to toe in mud and squelching with every movement. Not that he could be bothered to be embarrassed.

"You," he said.

The stranger tilted his head. "I'm sorry? Have we met?"

"It's you from last night." Kurogane picked up the lantern and pointed an exasperated finger. "The idiot who forgot his lantern, but still lit mine."

Blue eyes blinked, as if this response was wholly unexpected. "I - may have been lying about forgetting mine," he stammered.

"No kidding." Kurogane pushed off the ground. He was gratified to confirm that, while the stranger was tall, he was taller still. Some of his energy renewed. "You're that damn cursebreaker, aren't you."

"What makes you think that?" the man asked, eyelids drooping.

"I'm fucked if anyone else can make it up here in that rain and look fresh as daisy without magic."

More musical laughter. The stranger rifled a hand through his flaxen hair, then let it fall bonelessly to his side. "Oh dear, what am I going to do with you?" he sighed.

"Quit griping," Kurogane said stubbornly. "I have a curse I need you to break."

"What's your name?"

"Kurogane, blacksmith of Suwa."

"Kurogane of Suwa, it's not wise to give your name so freely. Words have power, names in particular. If you're cursed you should know that."

"You asked my goddamn name. Anyway, it's not my curse. I've got nothing to lose except time. I'll pay whatever you want. Will you take the job or not?"

"Not your curse?" The wizard - because that was who he must be - raised his brow. "You have one, though? Didn't you know? I can see its traces all over you."

Kurogane shook his head impatiently. "I have one too, but that's my business. I need you to free my ward. He," here Kurogane broke off, trying to force the emotion out of his voice, "he touched something he shouldn't have -"

"Let's go inside." Alreading pivoting on the balls of his feet, as if they were on a polished ballroom floor instead of a craggy mountain, the wizard started to walk away. "You need a bath."

"There's no time!" Kurogane cried, not moving.

The wizard glanced at him. There was something sharp and lightning quick about the way he took him in. Kurogane thought most people would miss it. Then the bastard pinched his nose and contorted his face into a theatrical expression of digust.

"Come on, Kuro-wan. Cleanliness is next to godliness. Besides..." He grinned. "I can finally give you that drink."

---

The wizard, who introduced himself as Fai D. Fluorite ("What does the 'D' stand for?" "Your guess is as good as mine, I suppose I just liked how it sounded."), led him away from the rocky terraces, around a cliffside, to a small cabin Kurogane was sure hadn't been there before. Fai insisted it had been, but what with all the angles and tricks of the light it sometimes looked as if it wasn't there. Kurogane wondered what use was a house that sometimes didn't bother to show up if it wasn't in the mood, but Fai only laughed, and pointed out that it wasn't like the mail couriers could ever make it up here with their horses anyway.

The outside of the cabin was flat and characterless, but Kurogane had experience enough with magicians to know looks could be deceiving. He'd only been inside a spellcaster's den a handful of times, but every single one had been dripping floor to ceiling with colorful bits and baubles, towering bookcases stuffed with spellbooks, unusual animals in cages, and many other curiosities. Ornate rugs on the floor, many dusty bottles, some of which actually contained alcohol, as well as general clutter. And candles, candles everywhere.

But Fai opened the door to a single, large room that seemed, by comparison, utterly bare. Floor to wall window filled one entire expanse of wall, which as the fog rolled away revealed a breathtaking view of the valley below. There were a couple sturdy wood chairs with furs thrown over the backs set around a low table next to a fireplace. The kitchen area was sunk into the wall opposite the windows, a clean, tidy counterspace, a few cabinets, and a wood-burning stove. Ropes of dried plants dangled from the ceiling. Kurogane saw herbs, persimmons, chili peppers. Outside, he spotted a garden, but instead of mysterious plants with magical properties, Kurogane was suprised to recognize most of what appeared to be growing in it. Scattered on the hills surrounding the garden were vibrant blue gentians and purple bellflowers.

Before Kurogane ascended the stairs, Fai held up a hand and gestured to his feet. "No shoes indoors," he said, toeing out of his own boots.

Kurogane had to take a minute to process that, but kicked his boots into a corner of the entryway. "What kind of wizard's house is this," he grunted, as if the swept floors, cozy furs, and general niceness were in some way offensive.

Fai laughed. "Oh, does the lack of animal skulls and cobwebs disappoint you?" he quipped. "I can conjure some up if you want. I do have a crystal ball, somewhere, no idea what I did with it. Never was much use at scrying."

Shaking his head, Kurogane wandered cautiously further inside. He'd been afraid of bumping into some magical artifact or another and landing himself another curse, but it didn't seem like that would be a problem. "It's... clean."

"You're impressed." Fai leaned an elbow on the kitchen counter, following Kurogane with his eyes. "I take it other wizards you've met did not share my penchant for 'less is more'."

"I think you're the only wizard in the world for whom 'less is more' isn't some form of blasphemy."

Fai hummed. "Well... I suppose my attachment to things is weaker than some." He joined Kurogane by the window. "I like wide, open spaces. It's... tranquil. Good for the soul." The smile fell away for the first time.

"And you don't wear your shoes inside."

"Well, yes. Is that so strange?"

"Not to me, but I'm not from around here. No one I've met in this country takes off their shoes at the door, but it's common practice back at home - in the East."

Just the corners of Fai's mouth lifted. "I'm sorry, I'm not sure what you're implying."

Kurogane studied him. He didn't bother trying to hide it. But at last he shook his head. "Nothing. I guess the similarity just struck me."

"Mmm. Well, Kuro-run, let's draw you a bath, and then I promise, we will see to your 'business.'"

Even the bath was shockingly normal. A wooden tub tucked in a small room just large enough to hold it, no gold, no clawed feet, no swans or waterfowl of any kind. There was a bar of lye soap that looked homemade, and a stick of incense on the sill of a high angled window, the scent of lavender scent wafting over Kurogane as he bathed. He didn't know what to make of a wizard who used incense sticks rather than candles.

He sponged the muck off his body and had to admit that he did feel much better afterward. Though he hadn't slept, at least he felt more like himself.

When he stepped out of the tub, he realized he didn't have a change of clothes.

... How awkward.

"Hey, uh, wizard."

"Yes, Kuro-pi?"

"... I, uh..."

The door opened. Kurogane's eyes widened, slowly, in petrified horror. Fai leaned against the doorframe cupping his chin in his hand as he examined his guest. Who was not completely naked - he'd been given a thin towel that try as it might really didn't cover everything it needed to.

"... Towel's too small," he gruffed.

Fai's lips twitched. "I think they just don't make towels for men of your size. Ah, I know."

He disappeared. Kurogane's face went as red as Fai's chili peppers.

Upon return, Fai thankfully did not spend any longer in the bathroom than was necessary to hand over a set of clean clothes, which turned out to be black trousers and shirt, russet suspenders, and a matching jacket. There were also a pair of thick wool socks. Everything fit as if it had been tailor made for him, but Kurogane never seen any of these articles of clothing in his life. His host had even provided a pair of crescent moon cuff-links.

Fai was in the kitchen when Kurogane emerged.

"How was your bath?" he asked in the midst of chopping small white mushrooms.

Kurogane met that with a wordless grunt. Since Fai didn't invite him to sit down, he pulled out a wicker stool and plopped down on his own.

"That's good," Fai said cheerfully. He use the blunt side of the knife to scoop the mushrooms into his palm and add them to a pan with some sizzling onions. "You must be starving after your journey. I hope you like omelets."

"Wizard," Kurogane said, staring at his back. "I'm not hungry. I've bathed like you asked. Now I have a kid who's in trouble, and you're the only one who can help him."

The knife paused mid-chop. Fai let out a quiet breath, almost inaudible, his posture drooping the slightest amount.

Kurogane went on, carefully, "I don't want to seem ungrateful, but..."

"No, you're right." All of a sudden Fai set the knife on the counter and spun around. He was all smiles and sparkling eyes as he faced Kurogane across the kitchen island. "So tell me about this young man. What sort of tragic curse did he inflict upon himself?"

"His name's Syaoran." Kurogane reached into his bag (which, he noticed, was also now miraculously clean) and pulled out a lump of linen covered in runes and bound with a length of twine. Gingerly he held it out to Fai, who took it from him without an ounce of hesitation. "It's a compass. I don't know where he got it. He spent the evening playing with it and talking to himself, but that's nothing new for Syaoran." Kurogane rolled his eyes. Fai was inspecting the runes on the linen, now and then pulling at the twine. "Then he just - got up and left."

Fai's head lifted. "Left?"

"Just left out the front door. I followed, of course. Asked where he was going." Now Kurogane paused, chin dipping as he thought.

"He didn't answer?"

"No, that's just it - he did, but I didn't understand what he said. Sounded like... Shakira?"

Fai blinked. "So, this Syaoran was compelled by the curse on this compass to go to this unknown place, and you left him to and went to fetch me?"

"No," Kurogane growled in annoyance. "I followed him. Tried to force him to come back with me, but even if I knocked him out cold and lugged him home like a sack of potatoes, the next day he was off again. Didn't stop to eat or sleep. No matter what, he was going to this place, so in the end I just let him."

Fai nodded. A pair of wooden spoons, Kurogane noticed from the corner of his eye, had taken it upon themselves to cook the omelets while the wizard was occupied. He tried not to let the sight of a pair of eggs rising spontaneously and cracking into the pan distract him. "And where did he lead you?"

"Everywhere. All over. He's - that's the thing. He's still going."

Fai whistled. "Still? How long has it been?"

"About a week. At first I kept trying to bring him home, but he'd just escape again. Then I was afraid to take my eye off him in case he wandered off and I couldn't find him again. But yesterday I managed to wrestle that compass away, and hoped that would snap him out of it -" Kurogane shrugged and spread his hands. "Didn't."

"I see."

"When I showed up at the bar with the cursed compass, the innkeeper told me there was a cursebreaker in these hills. So I came looking. Found you."

"So you did. Well, before we go any further, would you mind removing these talismans? I can, but I'd rather not burn myself."

"Those runes only burn demons," Kurogane told him.

Fai gave him an enigmatic smile that didn't reveal any teeth. "Ah, but you see, every magician has a little bit of a demon inside... your style of magic is very different from mine, and I'd rather not take chances."

Kurogane narrowed his eyes, but didn't argue. He peeled each paper strip off one by one, Fai watching him curiously with his chin propped in his hands. "What are they called?" he asked.

"Ofuda."

"They're very good at their job," Fai said, making short work of the twine around the linen now that the charms were gone. "I could sense the protective spell from a mile away. That's how I traced you last night."

"If you knew I was looking for a cursebreaker, why didn't you tell me who you were?" Kurogane asked, the accusation clear in his tone.

Fai let out an enormous sigh and turned his wistful gaze out the window. "Because I'm retired, Kuro-pon," he pouted. "How would you like to be retired and still get people banging on your door day in, day out, trying to make you work?"

Though he thought Fai looked much too young to have earned anything like retirement, Kurogane let it pass, choosing instead to comment on the idea that Fai had regular customers. "It doesn't look to me like you've taken a job in a long time," he pointed out. "Given that you live up an unscaleable mountain and tell anyone trying to reach you that you don't."

Fai shrugged, as if to say "guilty as charged, but don't bring me in, Officer, I'm cute!" Which left Kurogane enraged. That simply should not work for a grown man, not ever.

"Alright, but then I have a question for you," Fai said. He'd unwrapped the compass by now, and it was just that, a very ordinary looking brass compass, no portentous markings or symbols. Fai did not seem wary of handling it with his bare fingers, turning it over, watching the needle spin. "Why me?"

Kurogane blanched. "Why you? Why you? Because you're a cursebreaker, and I've got a curse that needs breaking, dammit."

A finger went up. "Retired!" said Fai. "Retired cursebreaker! Did you not think it would be easier and more prudent to hire another cursebreaker, who is in active practice, and who doesn't live like a hermit up an 'unscaleable mountain'?"

Mouth open to retort, Kurogane froze in place, before dropping heavily back into his seat. He shut his mouth, shooting Fai an annoyed look. But - there wasn't much he could say for himself. He didn't know why, the instant he got his hands on the cursed compass, he didn't take it to the largest city nearby and find an expert. Or why he didn't look for help as soon as Syaoran's bull-headed quests began to lead them to stranger and stranger places, back alleys and underground dens that were hard for Kurogane to show his face in lest someone he knew (that is, someone who's face he knocked in before) might be there.

"City cursebreakers are all hacks and charlatans," he answered, arms folding over his chest. His chin jutted forward, daring Fai to disagree.

"They are, but that doesn't guarantee I'm the real deal. It would make more sense to at least ask them first."

"Look." Kurogane drove his fist into the countertop. "I didn't come to you for advice on finding cursebreakers. Next time I need one, I'll haul my ass to Arcana Street or some other fancy magical emporium where I stick out like a sore thumb, and ask the fussiest dressed magician with the most baubles and rings if he'd be so kind as to break my curse, because I'd rather not disturb the teenager on top of the remote mountain, he's fucking retired."

During this tirade Fai's brow disappeared under his golden bangs, eyes round and glinting with a mixture of shock and amusement. After a beat, he suddenly blurted out, "You think I'm a teenager?"

And that was how Kurogane discovered, to his chagrin, that Fai was a bit (more than a bit) older than he thought (not to mention, older than him).

[ellayuki]

07.05.20

TRC Month Day 7 -  Horitsuba /  Tsubasa Reservoir Chonicle / CLAMP  /  KuroFai / Fai POV

~

this dream of white flowers (make it come true)

~

He’s not jealous, not really.

Frustrated, maybe, a little, maybe a little envious, too, of the ease with which his brother can make grumpy Kuro-sama-sensei look… soft. Fai has tried, for years, for as long as he’s known the P.E. teacher, but he’s never managed it, never once succeeded in making him look like that (in general, let alone at him).

He guesses it's understandable, Yuui has always been the calmer of the two, has always been the one to respect boundaries, to back off when he realized the teasing was too much.

Fai had never had his brother's tender nature.

Maybe that's why Kurorin-sensei likes him better.

He's not bitter, because he loves his brother more than anything in existence, and Yuui, oh, Yuui deserves the world and so much more. 

(Even if that includes Kurogane-sensei's gentle, fierce love.)

(He'd just hoped… Well, it doesn't really matter what he'd hoped. It's obvious it's never going to happen, never going to be his hands cradling that -loyal, wonderful, stubborn- heart close to his chest. He's come to terms with that.)

~

"What's wrong?" Director Ichihara asks with a shrewd look. 

Fai hates that look, feels transparent before it. "Nothing," he beams and exits via window.

~

"Fai-sensei, is something wrong? You seem… sad." And oh, gentle Sakura-chan who always seems to know when someone is feeling down. 

He pats her head. "I'm fine." He smiles at her, genuine, because he loves his students and never wants to worry them. "There's just something in the air."

~

"Fai," Yuui asks quietly over dinner in their small apartment. "If something was wrong, you'd tell me, right?"

Fai takes another bite of his food (his brother's cooking is flawless, delicious, as always) before he looks up to meet his twin's worried gaze. (Oh, how Fai loves his twin.)

"Of course! What kind of question is that?" But how can he tell him of his insecurities, his breaking heart? It would only hurt Yuui, and Fai will not be the one to make his brother sad. 

"It's just…" Yuui tries to explain, biting his lip. The food is getting colder by the second. Fai takes another bite. "You haven't seemed like yourself lately."

"Mmm..." How can he explain without explaining? "Been feeling a bit under the weather, I guess." He waves a dismissive hand at Yuui. "Don't worry, don't worry. It's nothing bad. It'll pass soon enough, I promise."

Yuui looks at him, for a long stretch of time, and Fai wonders what he sees. (He's terrified of knowing what his brother sees.) "If you're sure," he ends, on an exhale.

~

"The hell's wrong with you?" 

And no. Nope, Fai can't do this, not after last night's… not-conversation with Yuui. 

So he turns, smile as big as he can make it, and drapes himself as obnoxiously as he can over Kuropu-sensei's shoulders. It usually does the trick, makes the man storm off in annoyance. That's exactly what Fai wants now.

"What's wrong, Kuro-sama-sensei? Did you miss me? I haven't seen you in a century-"

"You haven't seen me since we left school on Friday, and that's because you decided to fuck off and skip dinner with me and your brother," Kurogane cuts him off matter-of-factly. "You never skip dinner. What gives?"

And ugh, it's annoying, how well this man can read him, how well he's learned to see beyond Fai's masks, his smiles. "I had some important business to attend to, couldn't be helped."

Kurogane-sensei looks at him, unimpressed. Crosses his arms. "On a Saturday evening? When you knew I was coming over?" He snorts, disbelieving, and Fai hates how nothing seems to ever get past him. 

He shrugs, as nonchalantly as he can manage. "What can I say?" He turns around, crosses his hands behind his head. He doesn't have to keep smiling if Kurorin-sensei can't see his face. "At least Yuui kept you company. That couldn't have been bad." 

Maybe it's something in the tone of his voice, or the shape the words took as they left his mouth. 

But there is a beat of silence, long, complicated. For once, Fai doesn't know how to read it, how to fill it.

"You're an idiot," he hears from behind himself before he can say anything, and he clenches his teeth as hard as he can. He whirls around, teasing quip on the tip of his tongue.

It dies there.

Because oh.

Oh.

That's…

There's a look on Kuro-sama-sensei's face, unspeakably exasperated, unspeakably fond, and entirely, decidedly soft, softer than anything Fai has ever seen. 

And it's focused entirely on him, on Fai.

"For someone who's supposed to be as smart as you are, you're a damn idiot," Kurogane-sensei says, raising his hand and threading his fingers in the hair at the back of Fai's hair

And well, perhaps he's right, Fai thinks, face hot, as he buries his face into Kurogane-sensei's neck. Perhaps he has been an idiot, after all.

[gloriouspiratealpaca]

TRC Month Day 12: AU

Kurogane has never understood the appeal of college parties. He understands the appeal of drinking, sure. But the whole idea of dancing and yelling lyrics to some generic pop-song in a crowded room? No thank you. Kurogane would very much prefer to sit and drink and chill with a few friends. Still, it’s not like he can say no when Tomoyo begs him to come to a party. If he tried to say no, she’d pull out her puppy eyes and he’d lose that battle. That doesn’t mean he’ll stay the whole night through. Unfortunately, it’s still way too early for him to leave; it’s barely past eleven. He scans the crowd for Tomoyo, but she’s lost in the sea of people. Sometimes he wishes he could put some sort of rod on her to be able to find her in crowds.

He knows he shouldn’t smoke another cigarette, but it’s the best excuse to go outside he has. Right now, even the possibility of nicotine poisoning sounds better than staying inside. People are getting drunker by the minute, tripping and falling over on the dance floor. With a sigh, he puts the empty bottle he’s holding on a nearby table and sneaks out.

There are fewer people out than the last time he went out. The backdoor of the place Tomoyo has rented leads to some mildly shady alley. The last time he was out here, there must have been at least fifteen people outside. Right now, there are only a group of girls giggling to themselves and a couple trying to suck each other’s faces. The girls glare at Kurogane when he passes them. Kurogane goes to the quietest place he can find: an empty spot next to some crates, facing the door. He fishes the cigarettes out of his pocket. He lights a cigarette and leans back on the cold stone wall. The sky is dark and clouded. A voice speaks up next to him.

“Got a light?”

The guy next to Kurogane might be the most attractive man Kurogane has ever seen. He’s tall, reaching Kurogane’s shoulder, and very slender. He has blonde hair that looks somewhat messy but Kurogane suspects it’s been very deliberately styled that way. The guy’s whole appearance screams ‘I swear I didn’t put in any effort’ in a way that means he definitely did. He’s wearing casual clothes, a simple t-shirt and black jeans, but they fit him perfectly. Kurogane tosses the light to the guy, who catches it with ease.

“Thank you,” the guy says, jumping up on one of the crates next to Kurogane. He moves with cat-like grace. The guy lights his cigarette and tosses the lighter back to Kurogane.

“Not one for parties?” The guy asks. “Or do you just like standing by yourself in dark alleys?”

“The former,” Kurogane answers and the guy grins.

“Good. Wouldn’t have wanted to ask for a light from a serial killer.”

Kurogane snorts. “Shouldn’t you have considered that before approaching me?”

“Mhm,” the guy nods in agreement. He gestures towards the couple and group of girls. “I figured the risk to get murdered was higher over there.”

Kurogane laughs and the guy grins. “What’s your name?”

“Fai. You?”

“Kurogane,” he answers and Fai bursts out laughing.

“Oh, so you’re Kurogane. I should have figured.”

“What do you mean by that?” It comes out more irritated than he intended. Fai laughs harder.

“Tomoyo mentioned you,” Fai says with a mischievous gleam in his eyes. “Talked about her dear cousin who was insanely attractive, but couldn’t get laid to save his life.”

Kurogane inhales so sharply on his cigarette he chokes on it. Fai laughs so hard he almost falls off the crate as Kurogane coughs. He does his best to glare at Fai, who just grins.

“You should take it as a compliment,” Fai says and Kurogane raises an eyebrow to ask ‘how’. “I just called you insanely attractive. Which, by the way, was not a direct quote from Tomoyo. She just called you objectively good-looking.”

Kurogane is definitely not blushing. In his defence, it’s not every day an insanely attractive guy calls you insanely attractive. “How do you know Tomoyo?” He asks, trying to divert Fai’s attention. It’s definitely not working, judging by the Fai grins at him. But Fai seems to decide to humour him.

“We have a class together,” Fai explains. “Basic French.”

“Ah.” That makes sense. And Kurogane thinks he remembers Tomoyo mentioning some guy in that class that would fit the description of Fai. Kurogane’s brain desperately tries to find something to say.

“What about you?” He asks, for the lack of something better to say. Fai tilts his head in question, again almost like a cat. “Why are you out alone in the alley?”

“Ah, well you see,” Fai waves the cigarette around. “None of my friends smoke. Or well, one of them does, but he’s had more than enough alcohol. No need to add nicotine on top of it.”

Kurogane nods. He really wishes he’d been blessed with the ability to make conversation, especially in the face of attractive strangers. Fai beats him to it by launching into a rant about the terrible music at the party. Kurogane can only agree. He’s surprised to find that Fai likes rock; he’d taken him for more of a pop music guy. He tells Fai as much, who winks and tells Kurogane that he lives to surprise.

Kurogane loses track of time; the only sign of time passing is both their cigarettes burning out. Fai lights another one, and despite Kurogane knowing it’s definitely not a good idea, he lights one too. Anything to have an excuse to stay out here with Fai longer. Fai very deliberately drags his fingers over Kurogane’s hand when handing back the lighter. It sends shivers up Kurogane’s spine. Fai’s leaning on his legs when he continues their conversation, leaning into Kurogane’s personal space. Someone slams the door to the locale open and the music almost drowns out their conversation.

“Fai!”  A girl all but jumps down the stairs and runs towards them in a way that tells Kurogane she’s way tipsier than she thinks she is. “There you are! I’ve been looking all over for you and-” the girl stops, looking Kurogane up and down. “Why, hello. ”

Fai laughs but it sounds a bit awkward. He puts out his cigarette, leaning back to sit upright. “Hi, Hokuto.”

She turns her attention back to Fai. “Listen, you know I would normally never interrupt you when you’re flirting with someone. Especially not when that someone looks like that,” Hokuto gestures towards Kurogane. It’s hard to tell in the dim lights, but Kurogane is pretty sure Fai is blushing. He grins, raising his eyebrows towards Fai, who definitely blushes when he meets Kurogane’s eyes. “But I really need your help with Subaru,” Hokuto continues.

Fai clears his throat awkwardly but seems to regain his composure. “Is he trying to text his psycho ex again?” Hokuto nods and Fai sighs and jumps down from the crate. “Well,” he says, looking at Kurogane. “Seems like I’ve got to save my friend from possibly being murdered. Unlike me, he does chat up serial killers in dark alleys.” Kurogane desperately hopes Fai’s joking.

“Sure,” he says, not knowing what else to say. Asking for Fai’s number seems a bit weird, standing in a dark alley and in front of Fai’s friend. Fai seems to hesitate as well, but Hokuto grabs him by the arm and drags him away before either of them can make a move.

“I’ll see you around,” Fai manages while Hokuto drags him away and Hokuto shouts ‘oh definitely’ over her shoulder. Fai squawks and Kurogane has to laugh.

The door closes behind Fai and Hokuto and Kurogane is alone outside again. He checks his phone again and decides he can escape the party now without disappointing Tomoyo too much. The odds of finding Fai later in the increasing chaos of the party seems unlikely. He could try and find Tomoyo, either to see if she’s doing something fun or to say goodbye but he decides against it. She’ll rope him into some drinking game that can only end in humiliation or nudity, most likely both, and Kurogane is not in the mood for that. He sends her a text telling her he’s left, so she doesn’t have to worry or go looking for him.

When he wakes up the next day he has several texts from Tomoyo complaining about how he ditched her party, but also a couple from an unknown number.

Unknown (9:04 am):

hey! :)

it’s Fai, you know, not-a-serial-killer-guy from last night

I got your number from Tomoyo

look this might be a bit forward, but do you want to get coffee later today?

He doesn’t bother to try and stop the grin spreading on his face.

Kurogane (10:17 am):

Sounds great!

[venus-says]

Kamen Rider Gaim Movies

Goodbye is a bitter fruit.

Time to sadly end the Gaim cycle with its many movies! Okay, it's not so much, there are only three of them, but there are 5 stories overall to talk about so IT IS A LOT. I'll try to keep things simple considering how long my last Gaim review and I don't wanna put anyone to have to read so much back to back.

In any case, let's send off this series with a bang starting with the stand-alone movie.

Kamen Rider Gaim: Great Soccer Battle! Golden Fruits Cup!

So... I feel like they had an idea for what the Gaim movie should've been, but then a higher up came and said that because of the World Cup this movie needed to include as much propaganda pro the Samurai Blue and then this movie came up as the way as it did. And that's pretty much the reason why I don't like this movie very much because I could see that there was something they were trying to do with Lapis trying to find hope that Humans aren't like the Femushinm and that debate was interesting to a certain extent and I'd love to watch if the movie had gone all the way through with this. But then we have this world obsessed soccer, which I'll admit is more believable than a world where street dance is so important like in the original show, and we have a lot of scenes in the soccer field, and there's a lot of participation of the players who were part the actual team of the Samurai Blue at that time and it's pretty obvious that none of these people have acting experience and is just very awkward, and the damn final fight is a dumb soccer game that to a person like me who doesn't like soccer it looks just stupid.

But the movie has good things too, as I mentioned, there's the "humans are monsters that only hurt each other" aspect of it that is cool, despite thinking it's a stretch I like the concept of trying to emulate the power of the Golden Fruit and creating this creature, and I like that there's finally not just one but two apple-themed riders because that's something I wanted to happen in the show itself not just in that epilogue, I also like this thing where Kougane had to sacrifice other riders in order to use his lock seed, and just like in all Kamen Rider movies the action is awesome, I love that scene of Gaim fighting Kougane and they're doing it riding horses, that was awesome, seeing all riders together was also very cool, I just what we got after it was an actual fight and not a soccer game disguised as a battle, but oh well. In other words, it was enjoyable to a certain extent but not necessarily good.

Gaim Gaiden: Kamen Rider Zangetsu

Zangetsu's special is the one that got me more disappointed out of the four Gaidens we got, but in this case, it's less because the special was bad and more because I had higher expectations for it and we got wasn't what I wanted. When I saw the line-ups I thought Zangetsu and Knuckle would happen after the show ended and Baron and Duke, for obvious reasons, would be set in the past, and I was really excited to see how Takatora was doing in the future. But this was a special set in the past, I believe it must be anytime around episode 20 or so, and this was more to kinda dive in Takatora's mindset around that time of the show. And, you know, that was good, I just wish it was more, I feel like considering all the horrible stuff he learns about his father there they could've explored it more, I was also a bit disappointed that he used the watermelon seed but it was just a color change of his original melon suit, I think that was kinda cheap. But it's still a good special I'd say, I like how it got really emotional at times with him remembering of his childhood, and the end with Duke killing the girl with the apple seed felt really brutal especially because they did a good job with setting up her connection with Takatora.

Gaim Gaiden: Kamen Rider Baron

The Baron special was exactly what I felt that was missing from Kaito's story in the show, it's where we see his backstory and we get to understand how he ended up the way he did. Yeah, it was kinda silly to do this doppelganger plot and everything, but it really worked in this case, I got to learn more from Kaito which made me appreciate what I saw in the show more. Yeah, I think his backstory is a bit way too edgy and is trying hard, but that's Kaito, he's an edgelord so it works. My real problem with the special is how Yoko comes like a Deus Ex Machina at the end to deliver the apple lock seed the girl from Zaangetsu special used, I think they could've spent less time showing Shapool doing his stupid stuff and more time setting up for that moment. But I overall enjoyed this one quite a lot, I love the design of the dragonfruit suit, that was also another fruit I felt like it was missing from the show so I'm glad we got something with it.

Gaim Gaiden 2: Kamen Rider Duke

The Duke special feels a bit odd to me, but despite this weird feeling I really enjoyed it. It feels like this cult, I think their name is Black Bodhi, came out of nowhere and that's pretty much my only problem with this special, but that aside I like the whole thing. One thing that I think it's great here is that we got to see Yoko's and Sid's pasts, that was incredible and left me wanting a Gaiden for Yoko alone exploring that period of her life, seeing how she became a rider, and also giving us a better understanding of why she is the way she is, yes I'm biased I DON'T CARE, just give me that Marika Gaiden, please. 

This is right before the energy Riders become a thing I the show and I like to see Takatora and Ryoma's relationship in that time a few episodes before the betrayal happens. This also created a concept of someone harvesting those bomb lock seeds and to me that was just very cool and I wish they had done something similar in the show, like having a section of Yggdrasil dedicated to just that so they have unlimited supply of seeds for the Kurogane troopers to use, it seems like a good idea for them and it'd be very fun. I still don't buy this story of the testing of one of the lock seeds ended up splitting that guy's soul from his body, but I like that this is also used to set up the ground for Knuckle's special, and of course, his Blood Orange + Pomegranate form looks just dope as hell, I love it!

Gaim Gaiden 2: Kamen Rider Knuckle

Knuckle got the best special and I dare to say is the best movie story of the Gaim movies. First, it's set after the show which is great, I love seeing the world recovering after the finale and I like it even more that it shows just how those characters were trying to move forward. I wish they had set up in the show that he has a crush on Peko's sister because there are parts here that rely a lot on his feelings for her, but I feel like they balanced it well showing how much he cared for Kaito and how much he cares for Peko as well, which were both things that were explored in the show, so in the end, I'm okay with it. 

One great thing this special does is that it not focus only on Zack but it also gives a lot of character to Peko who pretty much just sits there in the background doing nothing for most of the show, but that has left a great impression on me after these events. We also got to see how Team Baron started which was something I didn't know I needed but that I enjoyed seeing and that also tied up with the motivation of the main antagonist for this special. Speaking on him I liked the dude, he doesn't seem to be a teen that would be a part of that dance crew that kinda originated Baron, but he's an obsessive maniac and it worked. I feel like they were setting up something with that whole thing with the Saver System, but that didn't really go anywhere, which is understandable because, as I mentioned, this was more focused on seeing how Zack and Peko were trying to move on without Kaito, but it did feel like that was useless.

I feel like it's redundant to praise the action at this point, but we can't deny that the action here was once again amazing (that fight Zack had with one os Shura's minions out of suit was incredible), and it also gives me an excuse to talk about Knuckle's new form. To begin I'm glad they actually gave him a new form rather than just a color swap or a form used by another rider, I'm not really sure how the Chestnut Energy came up to be but I'm glad he didn't get the shorter end of the stick just because he was a side character. It doesn't look all that great with the chestnut shells in his hands, but once those go away I feel like the design becomes more harmonious, and I like how it kinda serves as Knuckle's deadly power-up because after he uses it he collapses in the floor making it seem that Zack has died and the ending scene where he dances with Kaito makes it look pretty ambiguous if he's alive or not and I like that! This is definitely worth watching.

And I'm glad I get to close this final post about Gaim in such a good note because this is what this wonderful show deserves. Thank you so much for reading and I hope I can count on you for next week as I finally begin Drive. If you have anything to add, feel free to do it in the comments. See you, folks~

[plounce]

i was talking earlier today about how watanuki & doumeki’s eye trading is symbolic of them changing how the other sees the world/themself etc and hmmm... now im thinking about fai’s eye stuff. clamp uses a lot of eye trauma in their works: it is evocative, it has a real sense of intimate violence, and it has visual motifs that are interesting and intriguing (eyepatches, scars, eye color, etc). moreover it has a lot of symbolic weight and can mean a lot of stuff. i don’t want to talk about tokyo babylon/x1999 because *strangles clamp* but for fai...

when i talk about what went down in tokyo i often use the term “retraumatization” for fai and also kurogane. for kurogane it’s along the lines of “this is meant to deliberately mirror his backstory which helps set up his character arc”, but for fai it’s that a lot of his worldviews that he had slowly been leaving behind were suddenly, violently reinforced. being less afraid to grow close to people (to show affection, to fight for them), using magic, believing himself worthy of love - it was happening very slowly, and honestly without the whole shebang of the middle third of tsubasa he probably would never have gotten to the mental health he had at the end of the series.

but in tokyo he tries to protect his family, and it horrifically backfires. he gets power taken away from him over and over again: he cannot control syaoran’s soul staying in his body (though he knew that was futile, but the important thing is that he tried), kurogane refuses to let him die, he gets turned into a vampire, he is stopped from pursuing sakura into the wastes. it’s his (first) lowest point (first of three: the second is the end of infinity, the third is like. all of celes lol) and it’s a high plummet from the fun family times of piffle (and lecourt i guess, but he’s largely absent from lecourt until the end, because lecourt is about kurogane and syaoran)! it’s a shock to the readers and to the characters. but to fai it is a reminder that he isn’t actually allowed to have good things. that he’s cursed, that his fate is to be a walking ball of misfortune. and despite kurogane and sakura beating at his walls that NO YOU AREN’T WE LOVE YOU!!!!! in their help with saving his life, it doesn’t matter. he has spent all of his long, long life with that misery being hammered into him; his road isn’t over yet.

oh right i was talking about the eyes lol. um anyway. his vision is taken away - he is deliberately seeing less of the love his family has, he is closing himself off from them. one eye is covered up with this huge eyepatch that also covers like a third of his face! he’s visually hiding. and what’s funny here is that he’s actually hiding less than he was before: the eyepatch shows us that we know he is now. this is a sad emo bitch! look at his all black clothes!

also through infinity he gets the Sexy Slit Gold Vampire Eye to hauntingly gaze at kurogane with. he is constantly looking at kurogane with this feral, hungry look - that is also a look of deliberate hatred for being forced to live, and to live dependent on him. it’s such a contradiction!! and it’s this glaring show of “kurogane did this and he’s having to live with all the consequences.” but it’s also honest instinct. fai is being forced to admit that he needs kurogane, needs his loved ones, previosly shown in tokyo by trying to save syaoran, in lecourt by teleporting them outta there, in piffle when kurogane said This Bombshell (which is a bombshell only to fai and to like nobody else lmao)

anyway. fai is backed into a corner, and is also shown that You Can’t Have Nice Things, so he hides. he hides SO hard. and then celes happens and all his dirty laundry is dragged out of him by ashura :( and then he’s manipulated into fighting his dad :( and then he still can’t kill ashura and kurogane helps him out :) and then fwr’s bitchass curses kick in again :( and then kurogane SACRIFICES HIS WHOLE DAMN ARM!!!! HIS WHOLE ARM THAT SYMBOLIZES HIS TRAUMA!! AND HOW SUWA FELL BECAUSE FWR FORCED HIS FAMILY TO FAIL!! IT’S SO GOOD IT’S SOOOOO GOOD LIKE IT’S JUST SO GOOD

then we get to the peace of nihon... fai sacrifices the blue of his remaining eye aka his magic. for his whole life fai has been defined by the extreme power of his magic, used and abused and manipulated for it by like everybody (the valerian nobility, fwr, ashura, cloney). and then he gives up what’s left of it in a willing and careful trade for kurogane’s arm. his eyes are his magic! he has suffered so much because of them! and he gives up that source of suffering, he gives up that core of his misery (which he defined himself by - that misery, that curse), and he gives his loved ones that sweet, knowing smile and ”not anymore” ugh. THE GROWTH!

there’s also a bonus layer of fai “clearing away” something from his vision - he is seeing clearer now in his heart, his life, etc. he is seeing things as they truly are: that he has worth, that it is more than okay if he loves people & people love him, that he can change the fate laid out before him.

AND THEN... c!syaoran gives him back the eye with a bonus package of enough magic to return him to his super powerful state. crazy! i still wonder about the mixup of power-sources between fai and c!syaoran. what was that about? i guess the obvious answer is “r!syaoran fucking everything in the whole multiverse up with his reality warping” but that’s fwr’s fault.

fai gets both eyes back as the universe rights itself and most of the series’ conflicts get resolved. it’s part of c!syaoran’s heel-face turn. it’s also a demonstration of “fai has accepted himself for who he is” - instead of having full magic and refusing to use it, fai can now use his magic to the benefit of himself and his loved ones!

i just realized that a lot of fai’s physical imagery kind of has this... horseshoe thing going on? his eyes and his hair. fai starts out with both eyes, lying and miserable; he loses an eye and then the color all that shows us deeper truths of him (as i said above); he ends the series with his two normal eyes and mental health and a bf. fai starts his life with super long scraggly hellpit hair; he has it cut off when ashura rescues him from the hellpit; he goes through the first part of the series lying with short hair; he grows it out to show us the time passage into and the character change of infinity; he ends the series with that long hair, but happy and healthy. i think at the end of the day it simply shows us that fai has changed and grown and gone through a lot over the course of the series.

anyway that’s all i have to say. i’ll leave you with this vintage rob fai meme